#BUT I WANT TO

[alwaysforyouscully]

So I have a few Gillovny thoughts running around in my head...

I wrote this years ago and never posted it so I decided this was as good a time as any to get it out.

****

The general consensus is that D&G hooked up from day one. They auditioned, then fell into bed but I have a different take, so hear me out.

Gillian is young and wants to make an impression, she knows she wasn't the first pick for Scully so she tries extra hard. David was there to help as he had more experience and I'm sure he found her intriguing. Plus G had to have found out about his reputation and the fact he also had a girlfriend in LA. I suspect she wouldn't have wanted to start an affair with her co-star and break up a relationship day one, especially after we heard how she felt when her boyfriend cheated on her. She also said later that David was dangerous and to her, I bet he was. She knew once the line was crossed there would be no going back.

Jump forward a few years and things have certainly changed and I believe this is when the party started, as it were. Though I think they both had feelings for each other early on (D&Gs comments in the ET interview about getting hurt) they didn't act until S3-ish. There is a definite shift and they just didn't hide the fact they were happy together. I really think things would have been fine if Gillian hadn't started to outshine David. Clearly they are both head over heals for each other but David was always the star, lead actor, top billing on TXF until now. When they are both winning awards, it was fine but G surpassed him and I bet things got tense. How else to you explain going from hot and heavy, S3 wrap party and the Golden Globes, to David marrying Tea a few months later (and yes G won an Emmy an D didn't). I've always thought David saw an opportunity to distance himself from Mulder and Scully by getting a wife outside the fandom and more of a movie star/power couple thing, that he couldn't have openly with Gillian. Sadly you can see how it hurt G so another reason to believe the really were a couple at this time.

On to S7. I suspect Tea found out soon enough that D was in love with G, it's pretty hard to hide. You can again see a shift in their on screen work too. David writes Amor Fati, those words meant something to him and he wanted to say them to Gillian. His whole, "let's move the show to LA so I can sleep with my wife" was super harsh but what I found funny is during Paley how absolutely torn up he was that G dated Rodney during this time. It proves to me that even though he broke it off with G, he still felt jealous of her with someone else. Also let's not forget there were lots of rumblings about D&T and their stormy relationship and I thought for sure they would break up after West was born but then there was Miller. Not surprisingly G moves out of LA and out of the US in 2002.

2006 is a turning point again. Gillian really struggled after the show ended, the Julian mess and the bad press, she was lost and David was too. Gillian not being at arm's reach in LA was hard on him. I believe she was (and is, his tether). Anyway, D&G reconnect with talks for IWTB and I know the whole conspiracy theory around Mark. I really don't know how I feel about that, tbh but I think the Phoenix rose from the ashes and Gillovny was reborn during IWTB. Thankfully by 2008 D&T were over and I think Mark was too, if the premieres are any indication.

By 2010, Gillian is at David's play and we get some of the best Gillovny evidence by way of the birthday press announcements, (David's, Gillian's and Felix's) these cannot be coincidental, not by a long shot. As the next few years played out you had the 20th anniversary cons and events. There are sightings, blinds and denials, denials, denials (ps. No need to deny if it wasn't true). The fandom was so whipped up by the time S10 rumors started you could have lit up NY with all the social media energy! Life was good for Gillovny, Gillian working in the US and Canada, close to David. David writing and has free time to go where G is, good times folks, good times. So what happened to the love in 2016?

This is a touchy subject but I really think D&G are still together in 2016 but Gillian wanted to make one last push at stardom. I think she has more she wants to say but is running out of time, in her mind. So, here is what I think happened. Gillian wants to stick closer to London, there are too many eyes in the US and she wants to establish herself as someone other than Dana Scully. She makes a deal with Netflix and part of the deal was to clean up PMs image. She never thought the 'love' connection would happen. I base this on the schmoopie shirt, she did that on purpose so there would be no doubt where her heart lay. This is proven by the total lack of credible press. As days went on and David was still single and looked fine (supposedly after losing G) and Gillian looked like she was going in for a root canal every time she was with PM.

***

This is where I stopped writing way back then, fitting I guess since the fandom crashed and burned after that. In the crazy world of D&G, we suddenly ended up in 24-25 with a Podcast visit and a cute Gillovny awards show presentation and suddenly everything is right with the world again.

You've got to love Gillovny...♥️

[antomatkoen]

soap definitely didn’t wear the skull earrings for a certain someone…👀

soap shows up at a bar all dazzled up after losing a bet :3

[veronicathegoddess]

wanna ride him in his gaming chair while he's on call with his friends

[ann-chovi]

TWO. TWO CHARACTER REFS FOR MY ROOK ORIGIN COMIC DONE. AH AH AH.

[ilostthewar]

I think John is the king of situationships. Not because he doesn’t want a ride or die partner, but because the type of relationship he wants is hard to achieve. There’s gonna be angst, cause I love that shit.

I love the idea that John wants a spouse, he wants to be married, wants a family; the whole nine yards. He wants to buy a house and fix it up for you, take all the things you want and carve this space into its image. He wants to come home and see his spouse meandering about in comfy clothes, food cooking, welcoming him home with a smile and a kiss. Maybe children are rushing back and forth, or a mischievous pet who is welcoming him as well.

John really is great to date, at first. He’s charming and falls into a very traditional role of masculinity without it feeling oppressive. Really believes in princess treatment. He wants to take you out on proper dates. He wants to pay for you to get your hair and nails done, wants to wine and dine you somewhere fancy. Walks in the evening where you talk, his gruff voice and low laughter filling the air. He walks you to your door, is polite enough to only take a singular kiss but it’s clear that he wants more. And he promises it for the next time you guys meet, because there will be a next time.

And at first it’s exciting. Sure his schedule is kinda all over the place, but he was honest about that. No point in lying. So you take the time you can get with him. Even when he shows up on your doorstep halfway through the night cause he just got in, but he has take out and he’s just so happy to see you. Even when you have to cancel plans with friends because he’s managed to show up out of the blue. Even when he has to press rushed kisses to your lips before having to pack his life away again. When he talks to you, you can hear the joy in his voice. Can see it in his eyes when you stand in front of him. Feel it in the way he holds you. It’s not his fault his life is hectic. You know that… you know that.

But knowing it doesn’t change the pain of it. Because it’s not just sometimes, it feels like all the time. Watching as he misses holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. Leaving you stranded and alone. Making excuses for the infamous boyfriend you have, who never seems to exist except in the moments that are convenient for him. Things that are important to you have to come second. It doesn’t matter how far in advance you plan or if he’s supposedly on leave. Doesn’t matter what promises he makes to you, what he swears to you. If that private phone of his buzzes you know you’ll be alone in a matter of hours, clinging to rapidly evaporating coattails. And as time moves, the pain never goes but it’s morphed into something a little more calloused, indifference.

So what, if he cannot spend your birthday with you? So what, if he cannot come to your fancy company dinner, even though he promised? So what, if he left you on a beach on a vacation he planned because some emergency in some corner of the world screamed his name? So what, if he misses another date night. So what, if you dip lower and lower into loneliness. So what if you fall to the bottoms of his list of priorities. So what, if your relationship can only exist when it is convenient for him. You survived without him before, you can do it again.

You no longer wait up for him to come home. There are no more attempts to plan things in advance with him. You will not cancel plans for him, will not put your life on hold for the hopes he’ll be around. You don’t anxiously check your phone for texts or calls. The pain that you felt before when he inevitably breaks promises and lets you down has diminished. You expected this. You tell him such.

And John sees it happening. A Sisyphean pattern he can never escape, always doomed to watch all his effort roll down the hill. To watch someone he cared about shrivel and pull away from him when tries to reach for them.

He knows it’s possible. He’s seen other military men have partners and children and houses full of warmth and laughter. So why can’t it be possible for him. Why can’t he recreate it? Where is he going wrong?

The truth of the matter is; John talks real sweet about all he can give you, what he wants with you. The future he imagines with you. But he can’t deliver it. He knows that. And watching you realize that makes his heart slam against his ribs as if they were a prison.

That’s why he doesn’t look for longterm partners. They always find out he’s a liar.

[spitinsideme]

high-ranking demon pomni (this popped up on my mind yesterday and i cant stop thinking ab it)

i absoluteky loved making th3 design for this shw is so fun anr looks nice ! shes the ruler of hell and she fancies a human and they live together in the ranch that ragatha owns (shes a farmer) ruler demon pomni sucks ass at flirtinf but ragatha finde it endesring in its owb way

[ninyard]

picturing neil on the stand digging his nails into his thighs and grinding his teeth trying to not blow up, being so unfamiliar with this ugly kind of anger and rage in his own chest he’s only felt a few times before and not knowing how to stop seeing red

The prosecution are asking him all these questions and he knows if he answers them truthfully how they’re going to spin it to make Aaron look guilty. And if they started asking about Andrew?

“So you walked into the room. You saw Mr. Minyard’s brother on the bed. Was he engaged in a sexual act with the deceased?”

He grits his teeth and counts to ten in french in his head. It wasn’t sex, they know it wasn’t sex. “What I saw-”

“It’s a yes or no question, Mr. Josten.” The attorney crosses her arms. “Did you, or did you not, see a sexual act taking place when you kicked down the door?”

All he can see is skin and blood and a man three times the size of andrew. “Yes, ma’am, by definition, but it wasn’t-”

“And what in particular led you to believe this was something non-consensual?” She paces the floor, interrupting him with an outstretched hand and a pen between her fingers. “You saw two men having sex, and you let your racquet go. Mr. Minyard claims to be certain his brother was being attacked, but is it possible either of you just… misunderstood what you were seeing?”

Neil hears misunderstood leave her lips and he feels the pit in his stomach opening wide. His eyes are begging to search for andrew, but he can’t look nervous. He can’t look angry. He can’t look away. “I saw Andrew covered in blood. I knew who Drake was.”

“Aaron didn’t.” She says, like it’s obvious. “So how did you know, and not his twin brother?”

“Because he told me.”

“He told you? Just like that?” She places some papers down in front of neil, but he doesn’t look. He won’t be able to read it anyway. His vision is too blurry with anger and frustration. “Who else knew?”

“Luther.” He spits his name out like it’s nothing.

“Luther Hemmick.” She pretends to ponder it. “Anyone else?”

“How is this relevant?” He doesn’t mean to snap, but he turns towards the judge who just tells him to answer the question anyways. “I don’t know after that.”

“Do you think he told his therapist?” The defense calls for speculation. “Do you know for certain that he told his therapist, Ms. Dobson?”

“No, I don’t.” He knew he did, there was no doubt about it, but Andrew had never outright told him that. There was no way to say it for certain in a way that a jury would accept.

“Any other friends on the team that you know he told?”

Neil shakes his head. “No, ma’am.”

“But he told you.” She looks over her shoulder towards Aaron for just a second. Neil doesn’t need to look at Andrew to know that he’s somewhere behind him. “And not his brother.”

“They don’t-” He could feel the cages of her trap crashing down around him. She hadn’t even needed to ask the question. Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He tries to break himself out. “Andrew doesn’t talk about his time in the system with anyone. Aaron’s not special.”

“And Nicholas told us that you had to convince Andrew to even be there in the first place. Mr. Josten, did you know before the night in question that Nicholas’ father was aware of Andrew’s allegations against Mr. Spear?”

The cage bars got smaller and smaller around him. “Yes.”

“So why try to convince him?”

To fix their family. But he can’t say that. He can’t say that.

The defense lawyer calls objection. Relevance? Andrew is not the one of trial here. The prosecution’s lawyer switches her line of questioning.

I don’t know. I can see Neil getting so frustrated with the prosecutors being prosecutors and just trying to find a way for him to say Aaron did it, him and Andrew hardly even talk, Aaron is guilty, Neil brought it up intentionally to kill Drake, Aaron is guilty, Aaron is guilty, Aaron is guilty.

[oh-no-its-bird]

SO many amazing takes and additions in my reblogs and asks, I want to reply to each and every one of them but the skeletal claws of depression and unmedicated adhd keeps my ass sat in bed where I will read manga and stare blankly at a wall for 12 hours instead.

[why-the-heck-not]

the cons of solely reading big long ass books: the travailability sucks

[starbellbunny]

i need somebody to tell me to write desperately

[pandemoniumonwheels]

I have a crazy theory about episode 7 of The Wheel of Time, but I need it to cope. Feel free to cope with me. Feel free to discard that too.

It was all Siuan's quick thinking and her masterplan. And Verin didn't lie.

To start we need to separate all Moiraine - Siuan meetings. There were three.

The first one, the cold one.

Moiraine demands answers and gets none. Siuan is visibly angry, but also worried. She outright calls Moiraine's stilling a violation. She is aware how hard it is, how dangerous, how difficult to survive. And she loves Moiraine, we know she does, she worries about her. She also has to check if Moiraine can continue their mission. At the same time she can't speak too freely, they're in Cairhien, the chances of someone listening to them are higher than chances of people not eavesropping on them. She needs to be careful. What Siuan says is: "The Tower's laws have stood for 3,000 years, it's time we obeyed them." She is quite vague about the laws she refers to. And she doesn't lie, they stood for 3000 years and every time is the time to obey them. According to the law. Moreover, it's a clear parallel to season 1, episode 6 Moiraine's words: "When have we ever followed the rules?" Since when Siuan who took a marriage vow in front of the whole chamber of Aes Sedai gives a damn about Tower's laws? Why would Siuan suddenly care? Well, she doesn't, it's just a phrase only Moiraine would understand, a code in case someone is listening. This scene is also the only one we see them being close, showing affection (Siuan's hand on Moiraine's cheek? I almost hear "pufferfish" in the way Moiraine relaxes). It's another sign to Moiraine, the non-verbal communication of Siuan's real intent. Then it fades to black. We don't really know what happened between them later. Siuan also talks about rowing together. Keep that in mind, because all that she does next contradicts that statement at the first glance.

The second scene - Rand

Siuan talks with Rand, a very weird conversation. Just a few seconds earlier we saw Lan reassuring Rand that Siuan is not a typical Aes Sedai. And what is Siuan doing? Talking about caging him. But also, she doesn't say she is planning to do it to him. Only that Tower laws require it. The idea is to have Rand as a warrior, not general. But Siuan never says it is hers idea. She shows him how powerless he is. Stresses how he needs to learn. How caging him would help with that? And then Moiraine comes in. Why? To be told (in front of Rand) how incompetent she is? Only to lock them later together, because why not suddenly imprison a banished Aes Sedai with the Dragon Reborn. It doesn't make sense. Unless it's a show created to convince Rand to trust Moiraine. Rand is afraid of the Tower, rightly so. He keeps pushing Moiraine away afraid she is trying to manipulate him, make him follow the path created for him by the White Tower, put a leash on him. Moiraine can't guide him if he sees her as an agent of the power he fears. That's why Siuan becomes exactly that - the White Tower Rand doesn't trust, an Aes Sedai carrying more about forcing him to obey rather than reaching his full potential, an image he hates. On the other side is Moiraine, taking his side, arguing with imprisonment. In comparison, she is extremely trustworthy. And it works. Rand finally confides in her, shares his plans, his brilliant idea of bringing Lanfear to the city(/s). That's when Moiraine's and Siuan's plan fails, one of the Forsaken is not something they wanted, but we'll get to it.

Bonus - Verin 007

We all assume that Verin lied because that's what Moiraine suggested. But did she really? Moiraine decided to trust her to some extent. Why wouldn't Siuan? The phrasing of the "order" was very careful, but maybe not because it was a lie, but as an attempt to allow Siuan to deny such order without suspicion. And to keep the pretence in front of Rand. It worked again.

The third meeting - the pain

It all went perfectly. The Dragon trusts Moiraine and takes her with him (finally) instead of running from her. Siuan is ready to proclaim him. She doesn't need him to do so. Him fulfilling the prophecy in Falme will only make her words more believable. Verin helped them escape, no one can trace this ploy back to Siuan. There is, however, one factor they couldn't expect. Lanfear. Maybe her appearing changed Siuan's mind about letting Rand go? More likely she just Aes Selies about some boy and runs after Moiraine. And magically she finds her without any issue in front of the Waygate. How? Only Verin knew where the Waygate was, and where Moiraine would take Rand. You know where I'm going with it, right? So we get to the closing of the Waygate. Because suddenly it wasn't only about convincing Rand. They had to deal with one more, unexpected guest, and they didn't have time to discuss any tactics. Siuan had to make sure Lanfear didn't see Moiraine as a threat. She would never allow Rand to keep close someone who is working for the White Tower. The risk would be too great. Someone cast away, alone, someone who just lost their love, whose grief might be just enough to turn them to the Dark is, however, a very different thing. Siuan had to create a scene which could convince the very mistress of the dream world that Siuan and Moiraine do not work together anymore, and that Moiraine is no threat to Lanfear's plans. There was no time for planning, no time for explaining, for games. Lanfear was getting closer with every second and they wasted some of the precious time on "you lied to me" part. Side note, I do think Siuan actually believed she was lied to, and her shock was real. So was Moiraine's reassurance. But that's when Siuan came up with a way they could fool Lanfear. All she needed was Moiraine looking utterly broken and betrayed. And there was one way she could achieve that easily. By violating Moiraine more than even Ishamael did, by taking control over her in the most violent of ways, by making herself a villain. So she did. She used the only thing Moiraine never suspected could be used against her by Siuan - their love, their devotion, their secret, sweet, forbidden dream. Siuan broke both of their hearts. And when Lanfear came all she saw was shattered pieces of their love. For her that was what made her turn to the Dark, what's more convincing than a lost loved for Lanfear? Before she could think for too long, see through it, or before Moiraine could do anything, ask questions Siuan would not be able to answer, Siuan attacked. Possibly expecting that's the last thing she would do in her life. And it worked again. Lanfear let Moiraine live. Lanfear took Moiraine with her and Rand.

Siuan made herself a villain in front of Rand. And a betrayer in the eyes of Lanfear. She took that burden from Moiraine, so Moiraine could focus on helping Rand. She used every resource she had, she gave up everything she had. Because Moiraine isn't the only one that knows the right thing to do, no matter how hard that is. And her last plea was for forgiveness and nad of hope that Moiraine understands and continues their mission. As Moiraine herself said, guiding, protecting Rand is more important than Lan. It's more important than her. It's more important than any love. It was Siuan's time to give up everything to the cause. Just like Moiraine did at the Eye of the World.

__________

And it was longer than I expected. I think I will be adding more analysis to the certain scenes, words and looks. Because as I said, I do cope hard.

[frostedpuffs]

[ripping apart a pillow with my teeth and shaking it like a feral dog as stuffing flies in every direction] I WANT TO WRITE!!!!!!!

[nightninjaboy]

Let me tell you this, Arthur in every chance he got he would look directly at Merlin's lips, leaning to him in a soft way, it just so obvious, Arthur was waiting for Merlin, i mean look how Arthur really was all about to kiss him .

And Merlin, it's just difficult for me to truly explain his feelings. You see he wanted to lean too . Maybe scared.. nervous? Something like this . Maybe he's thinking, what about guinevere, what if i kissed him and all changed. I don't know ..

but Merlin for Sureeee has something in the back of his head and that what stopped him from kissing Arthur.

And why on earth would they be looking at each other lips in despair, crave, and longing, that it hurts

[nitw]

i gotta learn how to mod ren'py games so i can make an echo mod where .you know what idk what the fuck i would even do to it

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Are you insane or do you also sleep with the Mahabharata under your pillow like Alexander did with the Illiad?