#cod captain john x reader

[ilostthewar]

I think John is the king of situationships. Not because he doesn’t want a ride or die partner, but because the type of relationship he wants is hard to achieve. There’s gonna be angst, cause I love that shit.

I love the idea that John wants a spouse, he wants to be married, wants a family; the whole nine yards. He wants to buy a house and fix it up for you, take all the things you want and carve this space into its image. He wants to come home and see his spouse meandering about in comfy clothes, food cooking, welcoming him home with a smile and a kiss. Maybe children are rushing back and forth, or a mischievous pet who is welcoming him as well.

John really is great to date, at first. He’s charming and falls into a very traditional role of masculinity without it feeling oppressive. Really believes in princess treatment. He wants to take you out on proper dates. He wants to pay for you to get your hair and nails done, wants to wine and dine you somewhere fancy. Walks in the evening where you talk, his gruff voice and low laughter filling the air. He walks you to your door, is polite enough to only take a singular kiss but it’s clear that he wants more. And he promises it for the next time you guys meet, because there will be a next time.

And at first it’s exciting. Sure his schedule is kinda all over the place, but he was honest about that. No point in lying. So you take the time you can get with him. Even when he shows up on your doorstep halfway through the night cause he just got in, but he has take out and he’s just so happy to see you. Even when you have to cancel plans with friends because he’s managed to show up out of the blue. Even when he has to press rushed kisses to your lips before having to pack his life away again. When he talks to you, you can hear the joy in his voice. Can see it in his eyes when you stand in front of him. Feel it in the way he holds you. It’s not his fault his life is hectic. You know that… you know that.

But knowing it doesn’t change the pain of it. Because it’s not just sometimes, it feels like all the time. Watching as he misses holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. Leaving you stranded and alone. Making excuses for the infamous boyfriend you have, who never seems to exist except in the moments that are convenient for him. Things that are important to you have to come second. It doesn’t matter how far in advance you plan or if he’s supposedly on leave. Doesn’t matter what promises he makes to you, what he swears to you. If that private phone of his buzzes you know you’ll be alone in a matter of hours, clinging to rapidly evaporating coattails. And as time moves, the pain never goes but it’s morphed into something a little more calloused, indifference.

So what, if he cannot spend your birthday with you? So what, if he cannot come to your fancy company dinner, even though he promised? So what, if he left you on a beach on a vacation he planned because some emergency in some corner of the world screamed his name? So what, if he misses another date night. So what, if you dip lower and lower into loneliness. So what if you fall to the bottoms of his list of priorities. So what, if your relationship can only exist when it is convenient for him. You survived without him before, you can do it again.

You no longer wait up for him to come home. There are no more attempts to plan things in advance with him. You will not cancel plans for him, will not put your life on hold for the hopes he’ll be around. You don’t anxiously check your phone for texts or calls. The pain that you felt before when he inevitably breaks promises and lets you down has diminished. You expected this. You tell him such.

And John sees it happening. A Sisyphean pattern he can never escape, always doomed to watch all his effort roll down the hill. To watch someone he cared about shrivel and pull away from him when tries to reach for them.

He knows it’s possible. He’s seen other military men have partners and children and houses full of warmth and laughter. So why can’t it be possible for him. Why can’t he recreate it? Where is he going wrong?

The truth of the matter is; John talks real sweet about all he can give you, what he wants with you. The future he imagines with you. But he can’t deliver it. He knows that. And watching you realize that makes his heart slam against his ribs as if they were a prison.

That’s why he doesn’t look for longterm partners. They always find out he’s a liar.

[partiallysame]

Being Price’s lil wife

-Task force 141 knew Price was married. Man wore his ring religiously, always putting it back on the second they were in the helicopter/plane/whatever after each mission

-He’d come to work with a lunch packed with a cute lil heart note

-To be honest they all assumed you were the same age as Price (old) He always said he’d been “married for years” (3)

-They never knew your name, Price only ever referred to you as The Missus

-Gaz swore Price had a photo of you in his wallet (he did) but they never knew what you looked like untilllllllll

-You called your husband simply to complain. The AC had gone out and the repair man wouldn't be able to get there for a couple days. No no this simply would not do, his perfect lil lady could not be uncomfortable in her own home he wouldn’t have it but fuck he’s out of the country for a few more days. His team however is not and while stupid, they do know how to do maintenance work (why? Just because.)

-He called his team for a very important mission. Gave them the address, accompanied with “I don’t want to hear a fucking thing about you causing any trouble or being disrespectful to the Missus you hear?” The boys were absolutely giddy to finally see the ever so important Missus.

-The second you opened the door Soap was apologizing for having the wrong house and oh so politely asked if you knew where the Price household was. This had to be the wrong one because there you stood, pretty young thing, big doe eyes. Standing in just a big shirt ending at the very tops of your thighs, lashes batting at the three soldiers standing at your door.

-“You’ve got the right place. John told me you were coming, please come in.” You had to hold in a giggle, watching all of their eyes go wide. Gaz immediately looking at the sky, the floor, anywhere but the wife of his captain that he was just undressing with his eyes.

-When you turned to guide them into the house they all saw PRICE printed on the back of the large tshirt just barely covering your ass (this is your own home pants are never required and its hot as hell without the ac). Now it was Ghost’s turn to look anywhere but at you.

-As they worked you’d bring them water or snacks. They now understood why Price kept you hidden from them. The perfect lil housewife. The woman of all of their dreams already taken.

-When they were finished they went to the kitchen to inform you they were done only to find a full meal set on the table waiting for them but worst of all? There you were reaching up to the top cabinet. On your tippy toes, your shirt (Price’s shirt) riding up enough to expose the bottom of your ass and lacey pink panties. Soap had to bite his knuckle to keep from groaning. Ghost grabbing the tops of his teammates heads, turning them away from the incredible sight in front of them.

-Price was right to keep you hidden from them

-They might just have to sneak in and break something every time Price was out of town if it meant this is what they got to see.

Price's lil wife Masterlist

[soapcloth]

CW: 18+ MDNI, neighbour!price x reader - dividers -> @/cafekitsune

You find out John Price doesn’t play around when it comes to catching up on sleep while he’s on leave.

Struggling to bring in a heavy package one morning, you’re startled by your neighbour emerging from his unit huffing and puffing tiredly about noise in nothing but a simple pair of low hanging pyjama bottoms.

You’re concerned you’re going to get an earful when he wordlessly hoists the box up, uncaring about the way it tugs at his waistband to expose a dusting of hair and noticeable veins. Leaving your delivery just inside your door, he turns to look at you through squinted eyes, and your cheeks heat up when you realize you’ve been caught watching it bob under the loose fabric.

In your defence, he cuts quite the hypnotic figure from the side.

“Thank you, John-“ you try- only to be interrupted by a thick arm hooking around your neck; the other reaching behind him to close your door with just a tad too much force. His free hand lowers to scratch at his belly, prompting a loud yawn as a thick palm dips lower, giving himself a little squeeze. With a content hum rolling around in his chest, he pulls you into his apartment.

“Too early.” He grumbles as he flops onto his well-worn couch, half asleep and tugging you with him. Like a strangler fig, he rolls onto his side and cages you against the cushions, his legs tangling around yours and his cock unmistakably fattening against your belly.

[rosiereveries]

John who fucks you raw for the first time.

You've been dating for a year now, and you always tried to be safe. But now, he came home earlier from a mission, and you didn't have the time to buy the condoms.

But how you can say no to him, when he begs you to let him fuck you. He says how much he missed you and your pussy. So, you agree that you will give him a pussy job and he can push the tip inside.

John thinks that he never felt anything better than your pussy raw on his dick. Everything feels so intense, and he can't control himself. With few hard thrusts he is completely inside you and he can't hear your whimpers when you remind him that he is only allowed just the tip.

Now he has you under him and he promises that he will pull out, but he slowly starts to realize that it won't be possible. He thinks about you full with his child, with your breast getting bigger and his load spilling out of your pussy. How lovely would you look with his fat baby on your hip while being pregnant with another one.

He never thought he had a breeding kink but once he tried your pussy without a condom everything changes.

He pins you down to the mattress pushing his dick deep inside your pussy and when he feels you reaching your orgasm and squeezing his cock he spills his seed inside of you. With few more thrust he fucks the cum deeper inside of you.

And when you moan his name so overwhelmed and sensitive, he knows that he needs to make sure that it sticks. It doesn't take long and he is spilling another load into you.

And than another one in the shower while he has you pressed against the glass. And another one on the couch when he makes you ride him, while he smokes his favorite kind of cigars.

When the next day you come home with a pack of condoms, he quickly hides them away from you when you're not looking. He needs to make sure that soon enough you will be fat with his baby.

Masterlist

[soleilapproves]

Older boyfriend Price who is absolutely DISTRAUGHT over the fact that you don’t care about marriage because you think he’s over it.

Note: this one has no smut but it has mentions of sex and sexual relations so interact at your own discretion.

Masterlist

“What the fuck do you mean by you don’t want to?” If Price had been any louder, anyone outside his car would’ve been able to hear him.

It had been a few months into your relationship with Price after almost a year of being friends with benefits. You weren’t sure how your arrangement changed over time but you were glad to be with him as he valued you a lot.

“I mean, think about it. You’re like, what? 40-“

“I’m 37, love”

“Right, yeah, I just think that it doesn’t really matter as long as we’re having fun together. Honestly, I thought you’d agree,” you said before taking a bite out of your burger.

Price could only watch you in shock. Sure, your relationship started on the basis of sexual benefits but when he did think of the future all he thought of was you. Even if you were a generation younger than him, he had never felt such synergy with anyone before. It was a connection of a lifetime - emotional and sexual.

“So you don’t give a shit about marriage because you think I don’t care about it.”

“Kind of. If I’m gonna get married I need my partner to be on board too, don’t you think?” He sighed at your reply. You looked up at him, confused and cheeks full with your dinner as you grabbed the plastic cup of coke.

His heart swelled at the sight. It was like looking at an innocent chipmunk. To think that the same face looked fucked out an hour ago awed him but he couldn’t let himself get distracted by your unintentional seduction.

He grabbed your drink and put it back in the cupholder. You were about to whine but he grabbed your face and pulled you close, noses almost touching.

“You—“ peck “—are the most wonderful thing to happen to me and I’ll be damned if I don’t tie you down with me in the future.”

Your face heated up. You had swallowed your food not too long ago but your mouth felt like it had gone dry.

With your face in his hands he continued. “I’ll have a rock on your pretty little finger before you know it.” He left a longer peck on your lips this time and pulled away.

What you didn’t know was that he already had a ring for you. It was stored away in a hidden drawer in his desk, waiting to be worn by you.

In fact, he had brought it just a month into your relationship. He wasn’t religious but he knew that a person like you was the blessing of a lifetime.

[sigh-tofm]

when they come home drunk…

… price

- thinks it’s important that he loudly tells you he’s married while you steady him upstairs to bed. points to his ring incessantly, slurs on and on about his perfect wonderful wife with the big ass and soft tummy. you roll your eyes and can’t help but smile when he doesn’t let you hold on to his arm to support him. something about protecting his virtue for his wife, as if you’re not standing right beside him. proceeds to lock you out of your own bedroom when you finally get upstairs, telling you his wife will be home soon so he can’t have a strange woman in their bedroom (but still remarks on your wonderful ass). you decide it’s too early in the morning to persuade your drunk husband to let you in, so you go down to sleep on the couch. you wake up with price sleeping soundly on the floor beside you, having gone to find his wife when she never showed up in his bed the night before.

… kyle

- gets sappy and apologises for being away. loses all concept of time when he’s drunk, says he’s sorry, he didn’t mean to be away so long, he was thinking of you the whole time, the guys pulled him along and he couldn’t say no. while he’s on his knees at your feet, pressing his face to your thighs and mumbling into your marbled skin, almost making you lose your balance with his fervent apologies, you gently remind him that you were the one who made him go out with the boys because he needed to unwind after a stressful weekend of combat drills, and that he had left with them less than two hours ago. he refuses to hear and only hugs your thighs closer, so much so that you have to support yourself on the wall. turns out all he needed to relax was you.

… johnny

- is horny. almost starts drooling when he eyes you at the top of the stairs, after struggling to close the entrance door for a good minute, causing you to investigate what made all the noise. gets a wild look in his eyes when he sees you in just his t-shirt and makes you scream and giggle as he chases you back up the stairs and to the bedroom. being absolutely shitfaced, he has the coordination of a tranquillised moose and stumbles head over heels across the floor, catches his foot on the doorway and narrowly misses the edge of the dresser with his head as he falls. still, his little soldier is courageously tenting his pants when you worriedly lean over him and he gets a good look right into the collar of your shirt.

… simon

- is emotional and clingy. can’t get enough of you, won’t leave you alone. you can’t make out half his words when he’s had this much to drink (and the mancunian in him breaks out too, making it ever harder to make out the words), but you play along, smile and nod and let him sit on the closed toilet seat and talk and talk while you do your night routine in front of the mirror. so lucky to have you, luv. how could’a lug like me get a pretty one like you, luv. his melancholy statements of love become comfortable background noise for you as you remove your makeup and apply moisturiser. lets you wash the sweat and grime of the day off his face with a washcloth, closes his eyes while you massage your floral-scented moisturiser into his skin, never once stopping his little speech. ambles after you out of the bathroom, holding on to the hem of your shirt, when you’re all finished and ready for bed. his devoted mutters only let up when be falls asleep next to you.

[ghouljams]

Absolutely cannot have fresh shaved/waxed pussy around the 141 boys.

Soap will cry over it, mourning the loss of your bush and "talking his girl(your pussy) through the loss" ie fingering you until you're soaked and sore as punishment.

Price will make it his mission to give you beard burn, shaking his head like a damn dog while he's eating you out, scratching the hell out of your pussy and thighs with his beard. He's trying to bleach the damn thing you just know it.

Ghost is the worst. Taking the opportunity to leave his dental imprint in the soft flesh surrounding your clit. He's going to bite until you're sobbing just to see the dimpled marks he's left.

At least Gaz is sweet. Pressing little kisses over the newly shaved/waxed skin, giving your clit soft little licks and pulling back to rub his fingers against your clit with gentle praises. Until you realize he's been doing that for the last hour, giving you just enough to keep you making those nice breathy noises but never giving you more. Maybe you should try Soap again...

[gothghostiie]

price with reader who never got much attention as a kid/growing up??

very self indulgent but hear me out. price is a lover man. he takes his time for his partners, gives them what they need, even if he's busy. you on the other hand are simply used to being put aside, people only listening to you half heartedly, not looking at you and getting distracted when you talk, other things were always more important than you and you felt that. you got used to it, it's normal to you.

but when you're with price he's the total opposite. he looks at you intently when you talk (if not hes leaning his head towards you so he hears you better), putting things down when you ask him something - hes attentive. he listens. and its absolutely strange to you, it makes you feel flustered, kinda watched. at some point you ask him why hes looking at you like that, the tv running in the backround. he furrows his eyebrows at you, with a confused chuckle. "what do you mean, love?"

"you're starin' at me." you accuse him, your cheeks getting hot.

"you're talkin' to me. where else would I be looking?" he jokes with a soft chuckle, wondering what the hell you're on about.

"your show's on." you say, gesturing to the tv. he looks at you like youve got three heads.

"I'm listening to you, love."

[thebookbutterfly]

fanfiction isn’t enough, I need to chew on him

[hidingwhere]

John Prices wife coming to pick him up at the airport after he returns from a mission, but the car is now full of military men.

One look at the three boys, completely exhausted and pulling their phones out to book a taxi had your heart crying. Without thinking, you offered them all a lift to yours and Johns home for them to stay overnight.

So now there’s three men cramped onto your three backseats, John having the luxury of sitting in the front. Simon is on the end (still in his balaclava but luckily not the skull mask because you’d be a little creeped out seeing that every time in the rear view mirror), Johnny in the middle and then Kyle on the other end. Johnny complains for about 10 minutes that he’s squished in and has no room to move but after that he’s completely zonked out on Simons shoulder.

Your music plays quietly through the speakers and they’re happy to listen to anything that isn’t gun shots or explosions.

Once you arrive home, they all climb out the car, grabbing their bags from the boot and dumping them down in the living room.

“Place looks less lifeless than last time I was here,” comments Johnny.

“Finally got a woman’s touch to it,” adds Kyle.

You smile a little at the non-direct compliment. Price also looks around, noticing the little details that have changed or the things that have been added around his house, keeping a hand on your back. He leans down and kisses you gently, mumbling “I missed you” against your lips.

“I missed you too. But it looks like you’ve lost weight.” You glance down at his body. “I’ll fatten you up again,” you tease with a little giggle as he chuckles.

It’s around 9pm by the time you’ve cooked dinner for four people who have appetites of bears. They all look at you as if you’re an angel sent from heaven when they see the food, sitting down at the dining table silently and scoffing down the meal.

By 10pm, you go into the living room thinking they’re all watching TV but instead they’re all asleep. You grab some spare blankets from beside the sofa and cover them up except for John. You shake him awake and make him move upstairs into bed with you. There’s no way you’re letting him sleep on the sofa and not with you after weeks apart.

[spurbleu]

jus been thinking about a reader who isn’t used to spending much money/grew up cheaper who is dating price.

because he’s absolutely the type to spoil you, and you are just baffled because £2,000 for a necklace is ridiculous. you only like it, not love it. and ‘sides, he shouldn’t be spending that much on a piece of jewelry.

but it made you stutter your steps when you saw it in the window. made you pause before answering him when he asked, “y’like that dove?” half-mindedly responding “mhm…” it all only solidified his assumption you were smitten.

course, when he started towards to the door your hands found fluttering purchase on his shirt, shaking your head, hissing,

“absolutely not. way to expensive.”

“nothing is too expensive if it’s f-“

“John.”

you could find one just like it at a flea market, a reassurance that didn’t seem to do much for John, but you were unbothered. you had a good eye for those things. so it was forgotten.

until, you’re bidding a sappy goodbye at the airport before his flight, and he slips something into your back pocket, taps your bum and winks.

“keep it safe.”

you leave your fury with it in your back pocket until you get home, ripping the box open to reveal, sneaky bastard, the necklace.

[ilostthewar]

John and Simon both enjoy Brat taming in vastly different ways.

John Price really does enjoy taking an unruly and bratty person and turning them into a model citizen. He wants a perfect pet that he can spoil, but he knows training is needed to get there. So his methods often involve a list of rules and expectations along with a list of punishments. You know exactly what you are supposed to do and what will happen if you don’t follow through. He isn’t doing funishments, you fuck around and you find out. Definitely is having you writing apology letters, giving you chores to do to make up for your actions, expects you to carry out punishments with grace and dignity. Also believes in abstinence, he’s getting off sure, but you aren’t. You’ll crack long before he does. You aren’t going to embarrass yourself or him and he makes sure of it. He knows you’re acting out for attention, so he isn’t going to give you the reaction you want. Will make you kneel perfectly still beside him while he ignores you, tells you it’s because you need to “think about your actions”. When he finally approaches you, makes you say exactly what you did and why you did it. He knows you’re a dumb baby, needs help finding your words, so he’ll be patient. Will wait you out, honestly. When you finally admit that you’re acting up cause you need to cum, that you need to feel wanted, he’s able to calm you down and promise you that you don’t need to be bad to get those things. He’s generous with rewards, he wants to spoil you. So be good and let him.

Simon Riley on the other hand? He thinks it’s fun when you’re bitchy. He’s both bigger and badder than you, he can handle it and give it back twice as hard. You aren’t embarrassing him because it’s not possible. He can and will turn any situation around on you. Will ask you in public if you’re “actin’ like this cause you need some dick?”, doesn’t care who’s around. He knows why you’re acting out, knows that you just need to be held down until you stop thinking and can be sweet again. Likes it when you’re crying that it’s too much and trying to run, because he’ll just pull you back. He knows what you need, so just let him give it to you. He’ll put up with your attitude to an extent because he really does enjoy the way you snap your teeth, cause your bark is always sharper than your bite. You and him both know that he lets you get away with your behavior cause it amuses him. But the second you step out of line he’s quick to choke you by your leash and demands that you get your shit together before he has to help you. That is your one and only warning. He doesn’t particularly care how you behave towards others, he’s not kissing anyone’s ass either. Might correct you if it’s someone like John, that’s about it. But you aren’t going to bite the hand that feeds you, at least, not unless he wants you to.

[empresskylo]

ghost knows he’s too rough and impatient with sex. knows he won’t know how to please you properly. knows he can’t possibly do things right with you, knowing you’ve never done this before. but god, he wants to. he wants to treat you how you deserve. never thought he’d be so desperate to fuck someone good and slow like he does with you.

so he goes to price. the one man who will know all the right ways to please a lady properly. asks him to show him how to take care of you. tells him he doesn't know how to care for someone else's needs, at least with someone inexperienced like you. tells him he needs to be instructed. to see just how he should work you.

you’re nervous at first, thinking it’s an absolutely insane idea, but you can’t hide the wetness along your panties as you sit on ghost’s lap, back pressed against his chest, legs spread, his knuckle dragging down your warmth. price sits back in his chair, telling ghost exactly how to move his fingers, paying close attention to your body's minuscule movements, the way your brows furrow when ghost moves a certain way, or your eyelashes fluttering.

and this was supposed to be a strictly hands-off approach… but god, watching ghost fumble, unable to maintain the slow speed you need, keeping you from reaching your orgasm, has price on edge. he leans forward, rolling his chair with him, and tells ghost to stop. tells him to watch and to pay close attention. price tears your panties off and your eyes go wide at the contact. you swallow, expecting ghost to be furious, but his hands only settle around you and he takes notes as he watches his captain work.

price runs his thumb up your slit, circling your nub, and tells ghost to hold your thighs apart when you unconsciously try to clench them. then his finger is sinking into you and your head falls back against ghost's chest, eyes shut. you moan and you feel ghost harden beneath you. “how’s that feel, sweetheart?” price asks you. you babble out incoherently, price adding a second finger, and chuckling darkly at your response.

it becomes too much, his fingers thrusting in and out of you, his other hand rubbing your clit, ghost's fingers digging into the softness of your thighs as he forces them apart. “ohmygod,” you slur, “m’gonna—“ price smirks, his eyes darkening as he watches you orgasm, your body clenching around his fingers shoved deep in your heat. "talk her through it," price tells ghost. so ghost does. you're shaking still and ghost rubs his hands over your exposed skin. "that's it, baby. you're doin' s'good," he praises.

"whata fuckin' sight," price mumbles to himself, his fingers leaving you empty. you steady your breathing, coming down from your high, completely limp in ghost's arms. price can see the way ghost's eyes have gone dark, his pupils swallowing his irises whole. knows ghost doesn't know how to be soft. sees the feral need to ram himself into you overtaking his features. "gonna take it slow with her, yeah?" price asks.

ghost breathes rapidly out, his hips begging to buck up against you. he knows he wouldn't be able to control himself if you let him fuck you. so he answers honestly. "not sure I'd be able to."

price tsks, sitting back in thought, his eyes roving over your spent body. you suddenly feel shy, wanting to close your legs, but ghost's arms tighten on you. "need me t'break her in?" price finally asks after several long beats of silence.

ghost grinds up against you, his hand sliding into your hair and pulling your head to the side so he can kiss your neck. your eyes flutter at his attempts to be so delicate with you. "want the captain here to be your first time, love?" ghost asks against your skin. you stutter when you answer. "don't you want to be?" "course I do. but I won't go easy on ya. I'd hate to ruin you, sweet girl. price will take it nice n' slow. just like you need." and after, you'll be ready to take ghost. ready to adjust to his size.

you swallow hard, ghost's hands escaping and clawing at your clothed chest. you nod. "o-okay."

price stands from his chair and begins to undo his belt. "come sit on my desk, sweetheart."

part two

cod masterlist

[waves-against-a-cliff]

Soap putting you in a headlock when fucking you into the mattress, his chest against your back as his hips snap against the fat of your ass. You're clawing against his forearm which only makes him chuckle and comment about how feisty you are while he hits so deep inside you that you damn near scream.

Biting down hard enough to leave indents on his bicep and not letting go until he uses his other hand to wrench your head away by your hair with a snarl. Snapping your jaw at him while he stares down with feral blue eyes, "Ye wannae play rough?"

[lyeofhell]

you know John’s petty as hell. like no one that controlling and obsessed with caretaking is normal. if you unbuckle your own seatbelt and open your own door before he can jump outta the driver’s seat and do it, he’ll run around the car and shut the door back in your face just so he can open it for you djskdskd

[rosegolden13]

TF-141 reacts to… your pregnancy pillow!!! (Ranked best to worst)

Gaz is the most mature about it. He’ll do anything to keep you happy and comfortable while you’re carrying his little one, even if that means he can’t hold you at night. He doesn’t take it personally and will even go with you to help you pick it out or research the best options online.

Price tolerates it. He makes a few grumbly comments (“are my arms not enough for you?”, “can’t even hold my wife?”, “‘m bein’ replaced by a bloody pillow”, “jus’ marry the pillow, why don’t ya?”) but quickly stops after he realizes how much more soundly you sleep with it. Your comfort is his top priority, even if he’s a little peeved that he can’t be the one to provide you that comfort. But the day you come home with the little one? You bet that pillow is stuffed deep in the attic, only to come out once you’re pregnant again.

Simon doesn’t outright protest the pillow *but* he doesn’t just sit by and let it happen either. The first night you use it, he waits til you’re asleep and then carefully disentangles the pillow from you to slide himself in its place. He physically can’t sleep without touching you in some way, knowing you’re safe beside him, so even when you scold him in frustration the next day, the pillow ends up on the floor night after night, either that or he’s reaching around it to hold onto any part of you.

Soap is undoubtedly the worst. He’s whining at the mere idea of the thing when you first bring it up. Clingy as he is, any separation from you is hell to him. He’s fully and unashamedly beefing with your pregnancy pillow. He will 1000% hide the damn thing (especially because you look so cute waddling around and looking for it). Eventually, he’ll take mercy on you, agreeing to let you have your pillow with a promise that you not get too attached to it because he’s throwing it out as soon as you come home with the baby.

I couldn't get this silliness out of my head... THE VOICES!!! This is super inspired by @quarterlifekitty series which is so good- go check her out rn rn rn.