#BUT AM I WRONG. IS THIS NOT THE MOST INSANE PART OF THEIR DYNAMIC

[theoddest1]

funny how time bomb managed to have better dynamic and than the main ship

I'm happy for my Timebomb homies, they were some of the major winners here, if not THEE winners cause they got damn near everything along with a huge supply of content to work with.

CaitVi....man, this sure is something. Started off realitively strong only to dwindle the more their dynamic was shown on screen in season 2 thanks to what happened to Cait. Does she even apologize ONCE for what she did!? I don't think she has. Like, I'm glad that Vi called her out, but where was the real accountability!? Acknowledging is the first step. Where are the other parts of the stairs!?!? That was CRAZY. Also, look I get it, Vi can only drive herself to save her sister so much, but after seeing Jinx CLEARLY showing huge growth, she would NOT have fucking sex the moment her cop gf enters the cell, like bitch that is NOT fucking Vi. Why couldn't we just get a sex scene by the end of the war after time has passed!? WHY IN THE CELL JINX WAS JUST IN!?!?

Hell, JayVik was weird af too. Jayce gets pissed at Mel for investing in he and Viktor's success as if it wasn't for the betterment of the country. I won't sit here and act as though she is allowed to be dishonest, but the way she did things was nit with malicious intent. She even gave him pointers so that he wouldn't get an unneeded target on his back. Where did he even LEARN of this? Did I miss something? And yes, Jayce DOES acknowledge Viktor's new vision was of his own volition, but him choosing to stay with his brother who is MOST DEFINITELY IN THE WRONG over his GF who has done nothing but support him is INSANE.

And yes, I am calling him his brother cause that's literally what Jayce calls him back in S1. I view their dynamic with the same lens as Vander and Silco. Bro, both the twinks go rouge in hopes for a better future while the buffer men stay true to themselves while also going through huge trials that change them majorly, if that isn't a fucking parallel idk what is, BUT that is how I view it. I am leaning further into this, though, after how shitty some Jayvik fans have been to not only Meljay/GoldenForge but to Mel and Jayce separately as characters [especially Mel]. Like Jesus CHRIST, some of y'all are just straight-up racist and misogynistic, and I don't fling those terms around lightly. I don't mindle in fandom spaces often, but JayVik fans genuinely put a sour taste in my mouth.

So yeah, TimeBomb slapped in a good and productive way. Various ways. Ekko, Mel, and Jinx carried this season HARD. Honorable mentions being Sevika and Singed cause, tbh they stayed interesting a good portion of the time.

[sufferu]

Bravo to you for choosing not to let Rem be forgiven so easily. Honestly I've never been a big fan of Rem as a character, sometimes her endless pandering and obsession with subaru just really annoys me instead, and I've never understood people looking at her doing all that and then saying “Wow that's so hot I'm so jealous of Subaru!”

As for the ones who want her deeds to be easily forgiven by everyone, my personal guess is that they all only care about her body and the unheathy way she forces herself to act like the perfect waifu just for Subaru's sake, but subconsciously they can't stand the shit she did either, so they secretly want their favorite waifu to be a perfect being without flaws. But to me, isn't it essential to love a character and accept their flaws as well? They did wrong things, but there's no doubt THEY did them anyway, and that is part of what makes them who they are. Another thing is that forgiveness has to be earned, we're not cruel, coldhearted, or closeminded for not forgiving someone who hurts us. So I too agree with that anon who thinks WHDAA cast need to to beat some sense into Subaru on way too forgiving and tolerating the people who have hurt/killed him.

But now that you've decided to do that, beware of those rabid Rem stans coming after you and I'm worried that their harassment goes overboard and affects your personal life

I will say — I believe that Rem and Subaru’s canon dynamic is one of the most intriguing and multifaceted dynamics in the entire series. Their parallels regarding their insecurities and family members, their mutually codependent tendencies, the way they run the risk of becoming each other’s perfect enablers, the genuine sense of love and affection that runs parallel to the unintentional toxicity fostered within their relationship — it’s all really interesting stuff. In fact, exploring their dynamic through the lens of outsiders (including amnesiac!Rem) finally getting to peer under the hood is one of the main reasons I wanted to write a react fic at all.

As for why people like her — honestly, I think it’s kinda easy to guess? She’s a very cutely designed anime girl, she’s incredibly well-voiced, her insecurities are genuinely relatable, she’s got a super awesome oni power-up transformation, her morning star lends itself to some of the best choreographed action scenes in the series (or at least Season 1), she appeals to the whole “submissive maid” aesthetic that she knows Subaru finds attractive (and that also appeals to the target demographic of Re:Zero specifically, let’s be real here) — and frankly, there are so many scenes in anime where characters we’re supposed to like do fucked up shit that it’s not difficult to just…gloss over the whole “tortured the mc for several hours” part of her character. It’s understandable, especially if you’re not an insane person who spends all their time hyperanalyzing the anime they’re a fan of like I am. I don’t think it’s really that far of a leap for her to develop such a massive following, she was basically designed to be as popular an anime waifu as physically possible.

But then, that clash can become…a little uncomfortable if you’re writing a story where “Rem tortures Subaru” is a major plotpoint, and if you don’t want to reevaluate their entire relationship, it makes sense to find a way to just — get the characters to move along, much like a lot of the irl audience does.

But I really like toxic characters and angst and complicated relationships and all that fun stuff, so that’s what I’m gonna focus on. —Also Rem is WORSE in the LN. Girl starts fantasizing about whisking Subaru away while he’s practically comatose from shock (second Arc 3 loop) and then also makes a comment like “even if he had tried to assault her in her sleep, she knew she never would have resisted” like GIRL??? The idea of not tapping that insane well of potential drama is ludicrous to me lmaoo— especially because I really don’t care about maintaining the status quo ;)

(Also frankly, anyone who would start seriously harassing me over whether or not I share their opinion about a fucking anime girl is too pathetic for me to care about. I honestly don’t think I’ll get that big of a response — especially not on Tumblr “Gay Website” Dot Com — but even if I do…I don’t care, lmao.)

[meowful]

my favourite thing about merthur is how steadfastly attached to the hip they are in zero time flat. like literally in 1x02 merlin is DISTRAUGHT that arthur doesn’t trust him and has sacked him from the position of his manservant like you know that’s the guy that beat the shit out of you three days ago right. you were literally complaining about how you didn’t want to serve his fat arse earlier yesterday. are you gay

[samlover4evr]

before i sleep, no one asked but this is me with sam

[aoxizu]

i have another 2.1 character dynamic post in the recesses of my brain but i need to get this out first

star rail's 2.1 update main plotline leans a lot more into existentialism and absurdism than i thought it would which is a really nice surprise

like i thought before 2.0 that at most it was just going to be some "oh no capitalism bad ipc bad cults also bad" thing but honestly what we got is so much more interesting. the spoilers start now

also massive disclaimer i am not a philosophist and actually i really don't like philosophy because it makes my brain hurt and i would much rather just look at logical nice things like math and plants so. if i get anything wrong please correct me

acheron's past and how she became an emanator of nihility reminds me somewhat of the absurdist theme of how people always look for meaning when there isn't any, until they finally realize that the universe is meaningless

and the entire path of nihility basically is a road towards that realization that people tread on, and the difference between the real world and star rail is that in the real world here we have people who will see that and then go write a book about a guy not crying at his mother's funeral, whereas in star rail it seems that just accepting that the universe is meaningless turns you into a pathstrider or even emanator of the nihility (not sure if i remember the details, correct me if i'm wrong)

and then aventurine's whole motivation is trying to understand why the universe is so cruel to him, and to find meaning when you have everything except freedom, both of which are absurdist themes

the leap of faith argument often attributed to søren kierkegaard claims that even though there is no rational logic for believing in god, you should do it anyway because the alternatives are madness, suicide, and ignorance. this was one solution to the problem of confronting the universe's meaninglessness: choosing to believe in a higher being regardless

later world wars i and ii both contributed heavily to the rise of absurdism as people returned from the war, having seen so many others die around them, and then just going back to a normal society with none of what they as individual soldiers had contributed seemingly doing anything. and then it happened again, but on a much greater scale with even more deaths. both wars and the destruction they brought led many people to start questioning why a supposedly moral god could allow this suffering, and this is where camus comes in and says that actually religion and nationalism both aren't good solutions, and instead we should just accept meaninglessness and keep living despite the absurdity

and i think dr ratio's scroll thing kind of relates to that

he tells aventurine to open it when he's about to die, or when he's completely out of answers for the question of how to confront absurdity

and dr ratio's answer for aventurine is to just tell him to keep living, good luck

which is. yeah

it's the argument that there are more answers to nihilism than just 1) going insane, 2) pretending like it doesn't exist, and 3) dying

it's the bold claim that despite everything, you can still choose to live

sure nothing makes sense but that does not detract from your life. it doesn't need to make sense at all

and with the understanding that things do not need to fit our human definition of meaning, we can continue on knowing our true place in the universe

and with that aventurine walks into the very big black hole like look at that thing you cannot tell me there is no symbolism there

let's go back to acheron.

in the part where you get a snippet of acheron's conversation with some guy just before this cutscene, the other party states that "[IX] leave[s] woven strands of fate for humans to walk, and together THEY weave a great shadow...And this shadow silently envelops them."

which to me sounds like a statement on how people across time and space have again and again come to the same question, what is the meaning of life?

and acheron's whole color thing seems to mean that she is one of the few who, after walking so far on the path of nihility, somehow have not died yet, be it from madness or something else

like it seems implied that many many more have seen the meaninglessness of the universe and have not reacted as well as acheron has

ok i have more to say about the elation and how it in turn relates to the nihility but that will have to come later but there is. a lot of interesting things there to explore

once again disclaimer: I Am Not A Philosophist And Do Not Know What The Correct Definitions Of These Words I'm Throwing Around Are. thank you for coming to my ted talk that was more of a longwinded ramble

[frozenjokes]

long list of mcyt ships and my dumbass opinions this post was getting too long and I have so much more to say

skizzpulse: needed to write about this because I don’t ship them at all but something is deeply weird about them in a way that is neither platonic or romantic. They have transcended human definitions of Relationship to me. No they’re not a QPR either. They’re weirder. Whatever you’re thinking they’re weirder. Do not separate. Attached at the hip.

etho: etho is in a realm of his own where I simply can not ship him. he’s not doing the romance. he’s not doing the qpr. he’s not doing shit. And it’s not because he can’t pull bitches; he is swagless and a loser in a way that brings ALL the boys to the yard (as opposed to Grian who is similar except he can’t pull anyone), he’s simply getting weird with it. He walks right past any sort of relationship into something deeper; resident sopping wet animal. aro/ace also but this isn’t nearly as relevant as the autism

cubscar/convex: favorite hermitcraft ship and it is not even close. It is NOT EVEN CLOSE. in the way scarian are both covered in lighter fluid and holding matches, convex are also doing that except it’s become a game of who can set the other on fire without being lit up themselves, and they’re both having the times of their lives (ends with both of them on fire every time without fail and it’s usually scar’s fault). they’re insane about it. the vex shit???? insane. their minds are beautiful and deeply wrong. I think they should kill each other.

solidaritimes: I will never forgive Scott smajor for separating scar and Jimmy in secret life he has no idea what he took from me. In a world where Jimmy is often the butt of the joke (by his own volition, I understand) the sheriff deputy thing was fucking beautiful. Sunshine and rainbows, love and support and adoration and everything good and healthy. A massive breath of fresh air and easily my favorite part of the hermitpires crossover. They mean everything to me. I’ve never seen such losers be so in love. Failgirl power.

redscape: another banger. These guys are GOOFY and I think Scar hits a magical combination of being Completely Exasperating vs Setting Off Mumbo’s Bullshit Radar which makes them bounce off each other in a lot of fun ways. They are versatile as a couple between banter and shenanigans and dedication, it’s a pairing I generally think of as very healthy and fun and if you also like all of these things don’t read my Boatem Ghosts AU because I make redscape awful and Mumbo pays the full price! Whoops! I love to think about them falling fast if I am writing them as romantically/sexually inclined characters, where Scar is frustrating but at the same time charming and silly in a way that draws Mumbo in. Mumbo on the other hand challenges Scar and chips away at his facade in ways he finds exciting. I like a Scar that wants to prove himself to Mumbo, win him over, where Mumbo is just lightly exasperated about the whole thing.

cleo/cub: probably the only pair on this list that I think are friends normal style. I just really adore normal style friends cleo and cub feuding about their museums so I had to tell you. I need to write them as friends more often. I love thinking about cub helping cleo fix up her stitches as well as other maintenance on their body. guys who nudity doesn’t matter to they’re both just chilling with their shirts off. special platonic dynamic to me.

ranchers: I don’t care about ranchers

moonrot: I don’t normally ship cleo and pearl in most of the smps or whatever. However. The specific dynamic they have in my boatem ghosts au makes me a little insane I really like them together. Pearl is a little bit deranged in her Wanting Revenge On Scar but ougghg that pirate scar’s hanging out with… she’s so cool… and then Cleo brings them to the ghost island and Pearl thinks she’s even cooler cleo is So Awesome ougghggh and then she gets worried because Scar is a Ultra Murderer TM so she’s quite protective over Cleo and doesn’t like Scar being around them AT ALL but her ass is dead so she’s not doing shit about it. The pining once Scar is out of the picture is Out Of Control. I should write a one shot about this.

ethubs: I think this is the only ship I can honestly say has ever been too weird for me. I think they’re deranged in a way that makes my skin crawl. I am deeply afraid of them. They’ve never kicked it normal style in their lives. I look at them and I don’t know what I’m seeing. It scares me. I respect this ship deeply and leave freshly slaughtered sacrifices at an altar once a week in a hope that will be enough for ethubs to leave me alone.

[pathologicalreid]

Girlie (gn) you hate Maeve? You have good taste I see, I fucking hated her (well strongly disliked but still) mary sue is such a perfect term, she was just boring and I feel Spencer felt so wet and weepy with her

i don't hate maeve so much as i hate the maeve plotline! i think strongly dislike is a really good phrase to use when talking about my feelings towards maeve's character.

as a character, she's super flat and one dimensional. i think she and spencer were "together" for eight months(?) and the episode where you learn the most about her is the one where she fucking dies. i've spent all day thinking about this and im beginning to think that part of the reason why she is a mary sue is that spencer tends to put people he cares about on pedestals and ignores their flaws.

and youre like "what flaws does she have if you barely know anything about her" and okay i'll tell you:

b-12 and magnesium as a treatment for migraines is fucking insane. i'm not saying it couldn't work, but all through season 6 (re: 6x12 "corazon") spencer is seeing doctors and anyone who has ever dealt with a fuckass chronic disease/illness will tell you that a blood panel like that would be one of the first steps in reaching a diagnosis!!!

why on god's green earth would you have a stalker, be dating an fbi agent, and not let your fbi agent boyfriend help you? i have been stalked before!!!! it's not fun!!!!! i'd take all the help i could've gotten at the time. this has always rubbed me the wrong way because oh my god the solution was right there the whole time. he could have protected you! he would have protected you!

i know they weren't technically doctor/patient but there is still some weird power dynamic in their relationship that gives me the ick. other than they're smart and they read, they really dont have much in common.

their relationship to me is equivalent to the girl i dated online after we met through percy jackson fan accounts. i.e. not really a relationship. most of their interaction was off screen and i think that did a huge detriment to the plot.

in the end, i think the maeve storyline and 8x12 "zugzwang" is a hard watch. i can't take it seriously. i'd skip it, but then i'd miss so much blake content (and hotch looks so good in that episode sorry spencer) (not into the fuckass bob in season 8). at the same time, i know it was like... mgg's idea and i'm pretty sure he's friends with beth riesgraf. (he loves to traumatize himself idk). but the whole thing gets messier when you think about the implications left by 14x15 "truth or dare" and the abhorrent jeid plot in season 15 where it's insinuated that spencer has been in love with jj for fifteen years (zoinks) and it's like what about maeve??? i don't know man (gn) i could go on for hours about this

that being said, i see a lot of people not liking the actress who plays maeve. i am telling you that it had to have been the writing or the directing in the episodes because beth riesgraf is incredible. she played a character named parker in the tv show leverage (one of my favorite tv shows of all time) and let me tell you That Is Her Role.

jesus this was long i had more to say than i thought sorry thank you anon

[tomeebear04]

alot of people portray tord as some insane sociopath who doesn’t care about anyone and its particularly heightened in wtfuture content,that being said i personally dont mind these headcanons when i was younger i was totally in favor of tord being a villain but whats your opinion on it? From what ive seen red leader is especially abusive to future tom but i always thought the cast was pretty mean to eachother in the earlier eddisodes but just grew out of it,tord left before the rest of them stopped being so mean to eachother,now its more or less poking fun and annoying eachother here and there

do you think tord just didn’t get the memo and thought it was still okay to act like this? Im all for ‘edgier’ headcanons and story telling but i just personally think to an extent tord isn’t as much as an asshole as people try to make him out to be,at some point the cast have tried to kill eachother and tom literally did what he did in zanta claws (which i forgive him for <33) but i see alot more people give tord more flack than anyone,srry ab the long winded question but i am curious ab your answer ^^

this is a multi-part question so im going to number them to make it more readable lol. also dw about long asks; i like em. lover having conversations about the show with other people

the tord villain question. ah the thing that divides the eddsworld fandom to this day. my opinion on this is a little nuanced. i personally like that direction for his character. i think it's interesting. it recontextualizes a lot of his strange behaviors from earlier episodes. fan interpretation of the actual content of the end episodes have led to a lot of people hating that idea though. i can see why too. i'm not a fan on how people decided to portray tord afterwards. i don't think he was a nice or pleasant person from day one, but i definitely don't think he's a sociopath or psychopath or insane. well not any more insane than everyone else. there's a lot more going on with tord psychologically. he has shown to care about people to an extent. i definitely think he has some kind of personality disorder. i've seen fans discuss schizoid personality disorder and borderline personality disorder in regards to a diagnosis for tord. i don't know enough on the subject to comment either way. imo a good tord wouldn't lose any of the fun aspects of his personality to fit better into any given villain trope. trying to fit square peg in a circle hole, ya know?

tom abuse. this one im a hard no on. i dont know why this got so popular. tord and tom are rivals. making tord an abuser and tom his victim just seems wrong for their dynamic. a lot of that content is fetish driven...and well.. im not touching that topic with a 10 ft shit and piss covered pole. if you're gonna make tord terrible to tom, you have to make tom just as terrible back. they both get under each others skin. i prefer the idea that tord and tom are more friendly in wtfuture since edd is out of the picture. i mean tord has to like him enough to employ him. tom likes him enough to be able to borrow a time machine without much trouble. those are two emotional unstable buddies right there

everyone kinda sucks. this is just straight up true. everyone was out for blood early on in eddsworld. i mean just look at matt. that guy was straight up a menace. yeah the show changed a lot. the tone and the way characters treat each other softened. the tomee bear has a pretty good video on this. i don't disagree with much of what he says. it added a new way to view the end episodes which i greatly appreciate. i could see this being the direction they go for tord in canon

everyone elses crimes. when it comes to talking about the other characters crimes i'd say dont take it seriously if the show doesnt. tom's christmas demolition wasnt taken seriously at all as an act of domestic terrorism. it's a joke about tom's character taken to the extreme for comedy. most things they do are consequence-less. basically, only take it seriously when the show does. tord blowing up the house, killing jon, and betraying everyone was tonally a lot different from tom rapping about hating christmas and nuking bongland. that's the reason why people hate on tord for what he did a bit more. personally i hate tord for being an annoying gooner with confusing politics. but u know to each their own

[cosmic-nopedog]

Could you possibly share more of your kirakira swap au... it is very inch resting to me!! (also- cute art :D)

THANK YOU, I AM GOING INSANE WITH NO ONE OTHER THAN MY BROTHER TO TALK ABT THIS OH MY GOOOOODDDDDDDD

ok ok so, its a very simple swap au as i've said and im gonna be shooo honest with youo, its ciel x ichika, i like the ship i think they are cute together SO ITS GOING TO HAPPEN, BUT ANYWAYS THIS IS GOING TO BE KINDA LONG

In this au, ichika is a fairy from strawberry mountain, and goes off to paris to learn about sweet making like ciel in the og, however unlike ciel, she goes alone and does learn from jean pierre and gets shot into the lime light, but the thing is that she kinda feels like somethings missing.

yeah she makes a lot of kiraru with her technique alone and her passion for sweets making but it feels a lil.. empty, she is a very lonely girl and at the beginning very clumsy [its still ichika cmon dsfjn vg] so she kinda also has this like BIG imposter syndrome thing going on, she masks it well enough for PR and what not but shes kinda worried that this all is just a big stroke of luck and some day shes going to inevitably fail.

I will say i do have kind of a storyline in mind so bear with me dfkjbnjkdf.

Anyways, she goes on her life in paris as Uzuki Ichika: Prodigy Patissiere [am still making the au so bear with me for there will be changes here n there] and nothing more, UNTIL, she runs into Usami Satomi [aka Ichika's mom in the og storyline] and they talk, and she learns that Satomi is a doctor and lives in strawberry mountain and all that stuff and shes in paris temporarily as part of her job, and i want them SOMEHOW i've yet to really think about all the details to develop a sorta soft ish guardian&kid relationship like, thats not ur kid but might as well be type thing.

ANYWAYS, after enough time [yet to be determined] i feel like ichika starts confiding in Satomi alot of the feelings she has going on and Satomi brings up the idea of taking a break and going back to like her home town, and Ichika does agree and all [BUT I WANT SOME REALISM HERE RIGHT not too much tho we still have fun,] but does bring up the fact that she probably wont have a place to stay if she does so [excuses cus she could very much so stay with the fairies] and CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG but a long time ago i did read something about how if you know like, a family in a country well enough they can like take u in for some time? like Adopt you so tospeak AGAIN I MIGHTVE HALLUCINATED THIS but if not yeah, THATS what happens.

So shes staying with the Usami's! yay! well just the dad cus Satomi does have to travel cus of her job n what not, and goes back to strawberry mountain to hopefully clear her head and maybe remember why she did all of this in the first place.

THATS THAT ON ICHIKA, which im going to be sho honest with you, shes the one i've like thought abt the most, mainly cus i like making the pink cures depressed kdsnbjkfdb BUT ALSO because shes in SUCH a situation and i find that inchresting.

I WILL ALSO SAY, im not swapping everyone, just ciel n ichika, mainly cus i find making ichika a fairy and ciel a cringe fail amateur patissiere very fun and inchresting BUT I DIGRESS.

NOW, AS FOR CIEL, shes a normal girl that has just moved into strawberry mountain, ysee, she is originally from strawberry mountain but moved out at some point in her life and decided to sort of move back in to take care of her grandmother who still recides in there, Rio also came along with her cus I LOVE MY SIBLING DYNAMICS OK.

SPEAKING OF, the way i see their dynamic is that they are very close and yes they stil have their shared interest in sweets and what not but ciel is more of a What happens if I double the amount of batter type interest and Rio is more of a Watches 3 bilion youtube videos on alot of recepies that he sometimes asks ciel if they can try out. Which ofcousre has a very diverse rate of success kdjfhbjbk.

They have the Passion and all the Feelings into it but Not alot of technical skill, I do think they meet Pekorin the same way Ichika met Pekorin in the og story, AND I DO WANT TO MAKE RIO A CURE, HE WILL BE A CURE I WILL MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

OH speaking of, i did kinda change Ichikas and Ciel's cure names, Ichika is now Cure Meringue and Ciel is now Cure Velvet.

AND THATS PRETTY MUCH WHAT I HAVE LIEK SOLIDIFIED AS OF RN!!!

I do have some liek spare thoughts here and there like, Ichika and Pekorin Have a sybling dynamic slash are actual sisters and at somepoint i want ichika to get stained in shadow maybe same with Rio but i have yet to figure out a cohesive storyline for that, BUT I WILL FIGURE IT OUTTTTT!!!

Also do NOT spoil me shit, I have NOT finished Kirakira Precure as of rn, IM CLOSE BUT NOT THERE YET.

LAST THING: i will call this AU very simply Strawberry Meringue Au

That is all.

[mcytblrconfessions]

I actually really hate when people say that SBI fics are irritating or that family dynamics are stupid bc like. Those are my little guys. I realize there are a lot of SBI fics and a lot of Tommy-centric fics, but people just enjoy that. I get why it drives people crazy and stuff that SBI has such a large part of the fandom, but it isn't as if you can't write your own fics about characters you like. I just love those little guys. I wanna see Ctommy get love and affection and a family (especially when mumza is there). Idk it just makes me very sad to see people hate them or blame them for their character not getting attention. Maybe I'm just being basic or something but they make me so happy and to see people be rude about it or say it's taking over the fandom feels sort of bad because I get that they want more media for their characters, but you need to consider that perhaps the authors writing SBI would not be writing about other creators, or dsmp at all, if they weren't writing SBI. It feels like people don't know that part of having a big fandom is having a fandom favorite character/relationship, and having most media from that fandom involve them. I know I probably just don't understand what it's like to have a small mcyt as my blorbo so I definitely am not implying that they are exaggerating their experinces. I just want to know, can we please stop pretending that SBI is the reason your characters don't get attention, guys? Because if you really want to see more fics/fanart/edits/web weaves or any other fandom art form of your favorite characters, go make them. But don't tell me I'm wrong for having those art forms of my characters. My characters having fics and attention does not take attention off of your characters, and i'm tired of people acting like it does. (I realize I'm being a hater, but I just wanted to say all of that bc I see so much SBI /neg and ctommy or cwilbur /neg and it drives me insane)

[adviceformefromme]

How do you not repress feelings but not let everything take over? I have very bad ocd and it seeps into my relationship as well, I always feel the minute I don’t like something or it so slightly hurt my feels or I get worried it’s a small red flag that means this relationship is doomed, I need to address it. But I also know rationally, I don’t think rationally all the time and I can’t decipher what is to be brought up and what isn’t… I pay extremely close detail to everything. If my partner says I love you but forgets the goodnight part, I immediately think something is wrong or doesn’t like me anymore… I’ll have really good weeks and be doing great and then really bad weeks where I feel like I’m going insane noticing everything. I’ve been able to learn how to stay much calmer during those feelings but it still nags sometimes.

Hey sweetie, the key to not suppressing your emotions is doing the healing work. I would definitely look into codependency, regulating your nervous system and emotional trauma release. It sounds like there are issues with inner safety, which are most likely related to something that has happened in your childhood. And it's not that your current relationship is mirroring a past trauma, it's just the same emotions that come up when you're triggered today, are the same emotions felt in the past, and it's like a wound being poked at. You need to heal the wound. Advice on how to heal:

1] Get therapy, you want to find someone you can trust, someone you feel safe to open up to, someone who you see growth with as the sessions continue.

2] Try emotional freedom tapping (EFT), I am currently doing sessions to clear out old traumas, it's honestly incredible. I do one session per week and found a very affordable virtual coach on https://www.fiverr.com

3] Reading books, healing books. I recommend going to the book store in the self help section and seeing what books call out to you. Books on co-dependency, books on healing your inner child, books on self love, books on healing your nervous system, somatic healing some suggestions.

4] Journal. Build that bond between you and you. That self love, that I am my own best friend energy has to exist so you are not sabotaging and hurting yourself as you are on this path. Your journal is a space to express what is going on, how you feel, what you want to feel, what you want to let go, love letters to yourself. It's your opportunity to understand and get to know you better on a deeper level.

5] Speak to your partner and allow him to understand what is going on and what exactly your needs are. Learn about Dr Cheyenne Bryants High Functioning / Low functioning behaviour dynamic in relationships (research online), in short when you are in those triggered moments (low functioning) your partner needs to be able to cover you with behaviours that support you instead of also succumbing to your level and leaving you both in low functioning dynamic. This will require communication and a healthy relationship dynamic so you can support each other no matter what.

I hope these help! xoxoxo

[philsmeatylegss]

please yap about dip and pip's relationship with pj, I want to know more

FUCKING YESS!!! WHOO HOO!! I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS DAY!!!

Okay so I haven’t brushed up on my PJ lore in a while, so correct me if any of this is wrong, but I’m sticking with the basics.

What gets me about their friendship is that they’ve been through it all together. Once again, correct me if I’m wrong, but him and Phil were friends before Dan started making videos, correct? It could’ve been after. Point is, he was there pre youtube era, bat shit insane era, and out era. And there’s proof they’ve stayed close through it all. I cannot imagine the pressure of maintaining a normal friendship under the circumstances they were under. I will fully admit myself I am one curious mf first thing I would ask is if they were together. And to have a bunch of 13 year olds yelling at you to do so, I can’t imagine just seeing all of that and then casually heading out to see a movie or get dinner.

I have a head cannon which I feel like I have enough reason to treat it like cannon and that’s that dnp only were close to YouTubers who didn’t care about their sexuality/relationship. You had to be there, but the 2014 british youtuber boom, dnp were making collabs with people who just were so different and it showed. And I don’t think people will understand if they weren’t there how big of a thing “phan” was. They were described usually something along the lines of “those friends with the matching hair that fans think are together.” So when you mix personalities that, to no one’s fault, just don’t blend, mix it with the pressure of five million thirteen year olds, and mix it with people who one has a lot wrong with them, that’s a really bad mixture to set up a friendship. I believe other than Louise and PJ, who dnp knew before hand (pretty sure louise, might have been at the start of their career), tyler oakley and Anthony seem to be the only creators they seemed comfortable around. I forgot why I started talking about this. Oh, the conditions in which friendship had to stand under.

I truly don’t know how to explain how insane the phandom used to be. And how widespread. As someone approaching the age they were when they started to blow up, I am amazed they didn’t leave the internet.

This whole long rant is to say that it was overwhelming to even be in the vicinity of dnp. The amount of pressure is something I truly cannot describe. And it’s hard to explain if you weren’t there, but I cannot imagine an outsider maintaining a relationship with the two of them with the pressures both within the relegation ship and outside. Because let’s also not forget Dan’s mental health and trauma was triggered every time a “phan is real” comment happened. It was truly such a chaotic time and I think the reason they didn’t have a lot of friends was because they couldn’t.

So it’s just that it must have been so fucking hard. And they must have a very close bond to have survived what their friendship endured. It was such a unique scenario to be pulled into and deciding to come along for the ride is something I find so admirable.

I also think PJ has been a part of their journey with sexuality and how public they were about being together. From what we know, Phil and PJ filmed together back when it was just millennials. To as recent as filming April Fool’s. That experience of watching that dynamic rise and fall and having to just follow and work with must’ve been crazy

If you look at a lot of the credits in dnp’s more professional videos, PJ is often in the credit and often has a big role. Really, it’s mostly the same people who dip and pip work with which gets me the most. It’s obvious they feel comfortable and genuine around him. We’ve seen behind the scenes how they discuss ideas. It’s just very relaxed, which is something dip and pip were deprived of as soon as they started blowing up. Everything had to be planned and thought through. And I think having an old friend who they were likely open to about their relationship and sexuality probably kept them sane. I do believe they are a lot closer than they put forward online and good for them. I think that’s why they’ve stayed friends for so long.

A lot of this is pure speculation. But it must be so cool to have watched your close friend go through the journey pip did, all the while being with someone he loved. But also helping them through it and helping them express themselves within their own boundaries.

That’s what I was yapping about at the start. I think the few YouTubers dip and pip remained close to Anthony, Louise, and Tyler, is because they seemed to like dan and phil because they liked dan and phil. There was no ulterior motive and they genuinely didn’t give a shit their relationship or what fans said. If I were dnp, I would have become very guarded with my emotions. But, at least from what we’ve seen, they seem very comfortable with Pj and his gf I forget her name but she’s so pretty.

When I think of friendship I think of what Peej has with dip and pip. There was so much obvious discomfort for so many years and being able to adapt to that is something special. Balancing public versus private. And just having such long history together. Once again, I’m not up to date on my lore, but I’m pretty sure Phil and Pj knew each other before Phil knew Dan. Or at least it was very close. Like they have been friends from the start. Pj was there for every stage. Every stage. And having a friend who remained neutral during it all probably really helped dip and pip not go nuts.

I truly cannot put into words how out of control the phandom was. Like I don’t even know how to phrase it. It was such a unique phenomena that I have never seen anything even close since. So it’s hard to really get across what it meant sticking with dip and pip during the height of their career, but it must have been so fucking hard on all sides.

And to just see after that chaos that they are still close, that they still film together, that they just hang out,,, I just find that very neat. And admirable. And I’m so curious to know more about it.

I’m not rereading any of this so enjoy the typos

[mania-sama]

Just want to say thanks so much for that post about you prefer Kevin/Neil over Neil/Andrew. Yes, I thought I was the only one. Agree with your answers about them, also not that I hate on Andrew but I don't see and feel the chemistry between him and Neil. FYI, I have said this to my AFTG moots once before and got blocked (that is why I never said it again until I found your blog).

And as fan of Haikyuu, don't you feel that Kevin/Neil kinda remind you of some other duo? Yes, Kageyama/Hinata. Wait, I know their personality is different but somehow their dynamic is kinda similar, right?

Sorry, if it's kinda random, but I got into AFTG because a friend of mine said, "You love Haikyuu, right? It's like that but with mafia and troubled kids" (worst advice ever, but I grew to love AFTG, too). And somehow, as I read them, I thought Neil will end up with Kevin if it's mlm story, and he end up with Andrew instead?

Oh yeah, can I ask what do you mean with "Andrew is the most unrealistic part of AFTG"?

Sorry for this long ask, thanks if you want to answer....

hey!! thanks so much for sending an ask! it was not too long; i love reading anything and everything people send me!

So sorry that people have blocked you over something as silly as a ship preference! I see where Andreil comes from; it has plenty of amazing and good qualities, and I'm happy with it being endgame! I just know, in my heart of hearts, that Kevneil should've been the one to cross the finish line. But that's just my opinion, and everyone is entitled to believe or think otherwise.

As far as comparing Hinata and Kageyama to Neil and Kevin, I'm of the opinion that their similarities start and end with their appearances. Outside of being singularly obsessed with one sport, I don't necessarily see the relation. Neil and Hinata are gingers and relatively short, and Kageyama is tall with dark hair. Their dynamics, to me, are different as well; Kageyama and Hinata both strive to get better together, but it isn't the trade-off and companionship that Kevin and Neil hold. Kevneil's dynamic is special in that it's very hard to find a reasonable comparison. They just have so much going on at all times. Kagehina, while a respectable pair, aren't as complex. They better each other even while at constant odds, and while you can say that is the relationship between Kevin and Neil, I feel that it is far too simple of an explanation, almost to the point that it's false.

Your friend isn't wrong to make the comparison. I've often thought this myself, honestly. It's got the same sport-focus while also being about mafia and troubled kids. I actually really like Haikyuu and think it's great; All for the Game essentially combines what I like about Haikyuu and everything I look for in Haikyuu fanfiction (that is, a focus on the individual characters and adding in insane trauma and lore for no reason at all). I personally think it's hilarious. It's one of the many reasons I'm very drawn to this series; it's like reading self-service fanfiction. I am a dead dove girlie at heart, what can I say?

... But on the same token, I have to talk about Andrew. While I don't disagree with my statement that Andrew is the most unrealistic part of AFTG (because he most certainly is), I will also say that this doesn't mean I dislike his character or don't find his story compelling. I do. I resonate with a lot of the ways he processes information, and I like how he represents that not everyone deals with trauma in socially acceptable or "presentable" ways. He's different, and that's okay.

However, here is where I come to a roadblock. I love the Dead Dove: Do Not Eat tag. I like to read when characters, in fanfiction, go through traumatic things. It's cathartic; it's a way for me to separate fiction from reality. I can experience these things without having to get emotionally involved. It's a curious phenomenon. But here's the other thing: I think it's something that should stay in fanfiction.

When you bring these serious topics into a published work, you have to treat it with the lens of professionalism. A video I watched semi-recently explains this very well while talking about the book A Little Life. The creator uses the term trauma porn to describe the general interest in visual works (books/tv shows/movies) where characters go through an unsubstantiated amount of trauma for the sake of... trauma. It's not there for any significant reason other than to be written. That's why it's so popular in fanfiction, and why I'm okay with indulging in it in that format. It's not serious. Fanfiction can be serious, but it's not serious in the same way that A Little Life is meant to be serious. A Little Life would be a perfect fanfiction, but as a published book, it is juvenile and worth very little in the world of trauma exploration.

This is how I feel about Andrew, and in some parts, Jean, in All for the Game. Andrew is raped about a gajillion times in this work. And for what? There is very little reason to keep making him endure this insanely traumatic experience, only for him to wind back in the same exact place he was before. It adds nothing to the story or his character. His original backstory works fine in the narrative: he is repeatedly traumatized as a youth, and this fundamentally changes who he becomes. That is fine. But then it happens off-book... again? To serve as a punishment to... Neil? Then he comes back like nothing happened. As if he was raped for nothing. Because, well, he was. Narratively, no repercussions occurred because of this action. Andrew didn't hold it against him. Neil still experienced the Nest regardless if Andrew did or didn't get raped. Then, it happens... again. This time on-book, and while we do get the satisfaction of seeing his original rapist murdered, it still does nothing. This encounter with his old abuser could have been worth a lot if there had been a proper set-up of conflict, but instead, the author chose to write a rape scene. Because that makes sense? Especially when the character bounces right back as if nothing happened. Because again, nothing narratively happened due to this scene. Aaron gets locked away for a while, and that's about it. It isn't even really a big deal, because they end up working through the details off-book. The team isn't severely impeded by this situation. Nothing happens. Do you see why this is a problem? It's very, very frustrating, and it makes a mockery of a very serious trauma. It is, point blank, trauma porn, and it has no right to be in a serious, published work. Even most fanfiction writers that do write trauma porn would've handled this with more grace and elegance than Nora did.

This alone wouldn't have made Andrew fully unrealistic. Now I want to talk about the issue of the drug he takes. He takes this made-up insanity pill that makes him loopy and goofy. Because of course it does. Even though there is no medical standing for a drug like this to even exist, nor would it medically make any sense at all to cause him to act this way. Furthermore, I am of the opinion that he didn't need to take them at all! Everyone in the book hyped up Andrew's natural state to be horrifying and unapproachable, only for the reveal to be... a stoic guy. I think that he was scarier on the drugs. He was honestly relaxed and seemed to be happier off the drugs despite everyone saying that he was crueler. In the narrative, he didn't even change. The drugs served only as an inhibitor to his playing in the first two books, and another way to make Andrew experience more trauma.

In short, Andrew, to me, is very clearly just a way for a female author to torture a gay male character. I said it, and I will not take it back. I wouldn't care if this was a fanfiction (I do it all the goddamn time), but it's not. It's a published book, and therefore must be reviewed with a critical eye. And she does a lot of this stuff again with Jean, only with a bit more care and finesse. Jean is far more believable than Andrew, and he still runs into many of the same problems that Andrew's character writing fatally experiences.

To quote you, sorry for the long response! I just had a lot to say. I love All for the Game. I honestly think it's a good book series that explores avenues of trauma responses with a fairly entertaining plot; no piece of media is perfect, and some of the greatest have serious problems with them that a lot of people choose to ignore. I love All for the Game despite its many flaws, and I am very excited for the next book of The Sunshine Court duology.

[nozunhinged]

my love sea rollercoaster

Okay so I was at the forefront of the love sea haters (don't ask me about mame I don't know anything about that discoure you can read why I didn't like it here if you want) but as weak as I am I kept watching and ep 2 still didn't do it for me but ep 3 turned the boat around so fast that I feel absolutely sea sick (literally!!) right now -- and because the discourse and perspectives on tumblr made me try to keep watching unbiased, I'd like to share my five cents as to why the story suddenly works for me after I've spent the first two eps rolling my eyes so hard I got a migraine.

I think it comes down to three major moments, with their conflict as the turning point

When rak started spitting the most degrading speech going at mut for dragging him out of the house, literally blowing so fucking low the blowjob mut was wishing for in the end was sky high terrain, I went "ok that's it, I'm turning this off" -- rak said word for word "no means no" but mut still kept pulling him I was close to angry tears what a fucked up situation that is, I thought.

But just as mut made rak snap out of it with his unimpressed reaction, so did I.

It was like the first half of the episode flashed right in front of me within the second rak was speechless. He was so on edge from the many calls he had in the first part and before that the diving incident -- he was streched out so thin that of course he would fall back to his default mode which is insulting anyone who dares to get within a 10ft radius of him. And then a guy who even dares to break down his pretentious walls? Better double down! (I'm still mad about raks tirade though, I would've dumped him in the sea right then and there)

But here's the thing, mut isn't fazed at all. Like, at all at all. And that's exactly what rak needs in this moment. Someone to vent his anger at so he can collect himself. We know now that mut had it a million times worse than this and his reaction isn't just because he has the hots for rak, it's literally his character. They both would react the exact same way if it was any other person. The difference? They develop an emotional bond over it and that's how they move forward. CHEFS KISS!

You might think but noz, of course its his character, thats the whole point? Yeah but not to me.

In the last two episodes, it felt like everything that happened between them was excruciatingly forced by the narrative (see my yaoi-post why I despise that) -- that everything between them is only brought out because they met. I know that thai bl (no, lets say the romance genre in general) has a big issue writing and introducing characters in a manner that makes their romance believable, but most of the time I can overlook that because we're not here for deep literary masterpieces, we're here for the smooches and the fumbles. I get it.

But when it feels so forced like it did the last two eps to me, even I just check out. So I already shelved that series in my mind and it's the first time I get so damn humbled that I have to write down a million paragraphs to defend myself lol. I think my longing for watching a believable lovestory reached so deep that it contributed to my current brainrot.

Don't get me wrong -- I attest this shift 100% to fortpeats insanely stellar acting. They make the characters believable and they make me understand why rakmut are prefect for each other although I HATE their dynamic. But that's the beauty of a good story my friends, I get now why their pulling and pushing works for them and I'll gladly watch them do that! Because until now, no aspect of the show managed to do that, neither the narrative progression, nor the editing, writing or pacing. Nothing. It was all just a jumbled, annoying mess.

So what's different now? The story lets fortpeat finally shine! (Accidentally maybe?)

Someone already said that the scenes are stale and slow (cant find the post anymore sorry) due to the fact that nothing is happening other than the two of them talking in the same position behind a different background and I 100000% agree. And the only way this poor choice is saved by is fortpeat. I was hanging on their lips for every single word. Their dynamic was suddenly so clear and palpable to me, I struggled to breathe properly. Rakmut are fucking made for each other and I'm losing my shit over it.

I can't believe they managed to make ALL the flaws of this show just POOF -- go away??? And it just keeps going like that. I could write 10 more pages about the little details of their dialogues that cemented my impression but I'll try wrap this up first.

The two other pivotal moments (to me) were muts reaction to rak telling him about his name. Yes, you read that right. Now that I finally understood how these two are ticking, I absolutely 100% understand where mut was going with this objectively BONKERS suggestion. Rak drops this bombshell of a trauma on him and he offers to do exactly that too??? Well, in muts head this is the only way to make rak understand that the outcome can be different. So of course, this idea would only work on him. Made for each other, I'm telling you. Two pieces of a fucked up puzzle.

Now, that scene.

First, doubling down on how much worse mut had it. (I'm not talking about his house thats a topic for another post) I think this one little story was enough to land the punch, the talk last ep was too long and clunky. I wouldve loved to have a scene where the guy who was fired tells the story to someone and rak overhears it, not understanding a thing and then putting the pieces together when mut starts talking I-- oh I think i wouldnt have survived that, I cried then and there already.

Well yeah I was in tears when they started fucking that was awkward but again raks reaction just made sense. They don't know each other that well and rak only knows one way how to make mut feel good which is riding him to the moon and back. And as a little cherry on top he completely let loose without any restraints.

There's already this amazing post by @hanhonymous which explains perfectly why the pillow talk after works so well as it does, so I'm not gonna say anything more. Just know that I was full on bawling at this point. When rak said "try it" it lost it. How he encourages his island boy who said "someone like me" a million times in the last ten minutes was perfect. Beautiful. Absolutely wonderful. Even his false lead felt perfect for this moment because only this way mut would understand that rak is absolutely serious.

I don't know how the bangkok arc will play out, my hopes are not very high but I will forever have this lovely little episode. And their lovely little pillow talk. And when they confess and love each other for real I will once again cry like a loser because fortpeat are amazing. Please someone get them a high quality production they deserve it so much.

[andro-dino]

while I am curious about all your ships. I always keep thinking about whatever the f is going on with Kosuke and Kyouya. They may not entirely count but please yap about them

Kosukyo are. Insane. I’ve joked about it before but like seriously why did I make them like that. the doomed toxic yaoi situationship ever. I think part of the thing that especially really gets me with them is that nothing about their dynamic is ever explicitly romantic, despite those feelings obviously being there. They never ever say it out loud to each other. They might vaguely acknowledge it at times but it’s like VERYYYYY vague and they refuse to let it be anything more than that. They go through so much tension and eventual frustration and heartache with each other and they never once ever confessed to each other or did anything more than really dance around each other the whole time.

I think the progression of their relationship is a bit interesting, as it does mostly start as a primarily beyblade rivalry centered dynamic, and both of them are entirely fine with that for a very long time. They both spark something in each other and are intrigued by the other as bladers enough that they’re able to have really riveting battles and have their relationship carry solely through bey battles for a good long while. There is obviously kosuke’s provocations and things that allude to the kosuke-typical desire to fist fight, but their beys do most of the talking for them for a while. Outside of beyblade, Kosuke is a big people watcher and I imagine he does end up hanging around Kyoya a bit with the general intrigue they have in Kyoya as a whole, which is what then gives way for more direct interaction and stuff. Kosuke is a total weirdo and Kyoya is very aware of that, but he can’t bring himself to really hate it. There’s something about Kosuke that draws Kyoya in and vice versa, which leads to them weirdly becoming closer. With that and the general teasing and vaguely flirty attitude Kosuke always seems to carry with him, it doesn’t take long for more to develop between them. It’s an odd song and dance and neither of them are particularly romantic, but it’s so palpable that neither of them can ignore it. Kyoya has more relationship experience between the two of them oddly enough– real relationship experience anyways– and I imagine that their relationship comes at a time when perhaps Kyoya has developed a little more as a person, has become more in tune with his own emotions a bit more, is perhaps a bit more affectionate in his own sorts of ways. I think that’s what eventually leads him to be the uncharacteristically normal one between the two of them when it comes to what he really wants from their dynamic. The thing about kosuke is that he never wants anything to change. They are fine with their and Kyoya’s relationship staying exactly where it is and drawing it out as is because he’s satisfied enough with it, and with them being such a closed off and defensive person, it’s the closest it allows itself to get before it gets too real for them and they get sent into panic mode. Kosuke likes being able to stay in control of situations and the idea of being vulnerable enough with someone to acknowledge any uncertainty he may feel terrifies and disgusts him. That’s why it puts up the defenses so much when it comes to realize how much more Kyoya wants from them.

I think at first, Kyoya is able to understand that perspective a little and is willing to allow some distance in their relationship. There’s something always at his core that feels vaguely wrong about it but he understands where Kosuke is coming from, perhaps better than most others would, really. I’ve described Kosuke as what Kyoya thinks he is, specifically like fury Kyoya there, and I think that still holds mostly true. Kyoya himself is not the type to be particularly happy about developing feelings for someone I think, so he understands why Kosuke is that way when it comes to their dynamic. Still, as other have been able to do with him, he expects to be able to grow closer with Kosuke still, and it takes some time for him to realize how truly stagnant Kosuke is and how truly unwilling they are to change. Kyoya cannot bring anything more out of him than he already has, and not being a patient person, Kyoya doesn’t stick around to let it keep happening. Kosuke in some ways was using Kyoya, in a sense. It’s true that it was genuinely interested in Kyoya and did like him as much as it could like anyone, but Kosuke wanted Kyoya to be able to stay exactly as he was with him always and to always be entertained and amused by him. Their relationship was not particularly equal and Kyoya in the end was not willing to keep it that way, which is ultimately what shatters everything for Kosuke going forward. Without his and Kyoya’s whole routine, he truly has nothing and no one else. He’s completely alone, and more importantly to him, entirely bored. It breaks Kosuke how much he is ultimately torn up about it as he is so incredibly not in control and has nothing that allows him to push aside his negativity and ignore his issues as he has usually done up to this point. They’re forced to acknowledge that they truly have no one to blame but themself and it so, so incredibly hard for them to get through that, hence the complete and utter upheaval of everything they’ve ever been.

If/when they ever meet again, they still hold some fondness for each other. Kyoya does, in some ways, want the best for kosuke but doesn’t waste any time getting wrapped up in kosuke’s whole schtick again. He’s been able to change and if Kosuke is still unwilling to, Kyoya has no willingness to spend any more time and energy on them. Kosuke is much softer in some ways but much harsher in others, as he does still have an attachment to Kyoya but also, at the point they are in their life, doesn’t bother as much trying to keep up the mysterious attitude and facade, being more openly bitey and cold when Kyoya does provoke that from them. Their reunion is not long for all those reasons, but it leaves Kosuke with a full ache nonetheless and Kyoya with a small flicker of hope which he can’t tell is misplaced or not.

[psycheofaphaggot]

we’re opening the floodgates people because the only thing i think about ever, and what i WILL shout from the top of every rooftop i come across

DINA IS THE PERFECT WOMAN.

i don’t care. i don’t care what anyone else says. i don’t care if your opinion is different because you’re wrong.

she’s witty, she smart, she’s incredibly fucking kind, patient, and yet so strong willed and never not willing to speak her thoughts even when she’s unbelievably scared. she’s so perfect it hurts honestly.

one of the things that breaks me the most about dina and ellie’s dynamic throughout the entirety of part 2 is dina’s part in it all. her, irrevocably in love with one of her closest friends, JUST after finally confessing to one another officially is suddenly thrust into a WAR where she can only be a bystander. ignoring the whole pregnancy thing, just that is fucking insane.

and she handles it with the utmost care and patience. moreso than honestly anyone around her deserved (not that these characters didn’t deserve kindness).

i could go in depth about how much i believe ellie williams is one of the best representations of PTSD in modern media today but as much as seeing that breaks me, watching dina deal alongside her is infinitely worse. ellie is a character who has just lost her entire world basically, only a few years after seemingly losing her purpose for being alive at all. with no closure. she’s sad, she’s angry, she’s broken, she feels essentially unloveable.

and dina treats her with the gentleness of a morning breeze. you know the thing thats like “character who feels unloveable and the other character who loves them like its breathing”? yeah.

dina is patient, kind, stable. she is exactly the thing that ellie needs. she never blames ellie for her outbursts, she never insinuates that ellie should get over her emotions faster, and even better she doesn’t even treat ellie like glass that could shatter at any moment. she just loves her. in the easiest way one could possibly be loved.

and its hard. it’s difficult and they both go through an unbelievable amount of trauma together and yet they still come out on top. they’re still able to build the semblance of a life together in the ashes of what they’ve lost.

as someone who identifies a lot of myself in ellie. everything about their love and how they love each other does nothing but break me apart. its so full of hope yet so layered in nothing but destruction. it really is the worst kind of despair. especially because of their end. all of that work and just the existence of trauma is what throws it back in her face.

i am not the most eloquent person. im sure my thoughts are jumbled and insane and hard to understand when i write them out like this. but there are so many aspects of this games that are so fucking admirable. naughty dog found a way to tell a tragic story full of people. not good people, not bad people. just humans, and the world would devolve into when pushed to the absolute edge. and even before that. it is a story of the human race at its most raw.

and its heartbreaking. its enjoyable, its sadistic, its humorous and it’s absolutely gut wrenching. its beautiful.

this series will probably never not be my favorite game ever. i will scream about it and look like a crazy person, and i will keep finding more and more things to love about it.

but this is a ramble when its really supposed to be a dina appreciation post. i love her. everyone should love her. she’s such an amazing person and i think about her constantly. i hope that wherever she ended up, her and JJ live the happiest and most fulfilling life they can.