#BP1

[evilsystemm]

Not to be a narcissist but I have so much influence and I make people's lives worth living just by speaking. And it doesn't even take much effort. I can survive literally anything, barely anything hurts me emotionally or physically and I can go days without sleep and water and food and I can walk for miles and miles and I can ignore that my shin is bruised and I have so many friends, I'm well known in many spaces I'm popular by definition. I have amazing memorisation ability and my cognitive empathy is off the charts. I was tested to have an above average IQ when I was diagnosed with autism as a kid. I know exactly what to say in every situation. Multiple people are interested in me romantically and sexually. Im great at problem solving and distress tolerance. I know all there is to know, I impress people constantly with how I speak and the things I know. Im so beautiful, I have healthy, good looking skin, hair and nails. My friends are attractive, popular, talented and intelligent. Everything is so so amazing.

[talkingparrotkee]

MCU's Black Panther blessed us with pretty melanated and/or indigenous people. I fell to my knees.

Wakandan

Talokanil

African American

[jarate-pissman]

Finally left that group! Was never listened to, never cared about, and now I am feeling delightfully depressed and suicidal because it seems the people I thought were my friends don't care either! (Yay). Anyways, fuck those monsters at tf2-ask. And in particular: Fuck Zoey. I'll be sure to carve your disgusting name into my arm.

Anyways, I'm taking a hiatus from Tumblr and all Social Media, as you all continue to disappoint me without end.

It's funny when no one ever realises that the person behind the account is suffering, unless they say something. And even when they do say something, you all think they want attention. Well, I guess the internet does turn you all into soulless monsters. You don't consider how there could possibly be a human being on the other side of the screen. Even if they send a picture; it's just a face. It doesn't mean anything.

It's okay to talk about your feelings, as long as you aren't me. Oh yeah... I'm unemployed again as well. For the seventh time in... 3 years. This time was because I wasn't getting paid enough, but I suppose you don't want to hear about my life. You just want to know about the details of the shitty stuff.

So here it is:

[anxiously-alive]

07/12/24

Officially started Lamotrigine today - 25mg

I hope it works well and helps me stabilize a lot more. Lithium was helpful but not helpful physically.

[littlerayoffuckyou]

Another super fun bipolar fact for you.

When you’re depressive or manic, you lose track of time. I’ve been manic the whole month (it’s my bday month so I’ve been spoiled and getting everything I want, triggering the episode) and I don’t remember most of it. My bday was 9/9, it’s 9/21, and idk what I’ve done for the last almost 2 weeks. Its really cool when people tell me things about those manic times, cause I also don’t remember any of it. Manic me will agree to anything, then promptly forget the agreement. These last 2 weeks are lost to the void.

[livinglifeonpause]

BP Intros

Okay, watching the 90 second intros before watching anything else.

......................................................................................................................

Grouping these into PASS:

K - HAN SEO BIN (18, 5'8")/P - ? - okay, this one was fine. lets see more of this kid plz. reporter.

K - JANG JI HO (20, 5'8")/P - ? - his cute is cringy. pass. idefk.

K - PARK GWAN YOUNG (23, 5'7")/P - ? - cutie. cutie with cute energy. 4 seasons.

K - OH SUNG MIN (23, 5'11")/P - ? - ohhhhh, I hate it. but he’s really cute. dressed as a damn dog. ((This is another OnePact kid!))

K - KIM MIN HYUK (25, 5'11")/P - ? - good at doing what he’s here to do. karaoke

K - JANG MIN SEO (18, 5'8")/P - ? - weird intro, but good guitar skills ***ohhhh, he left before the show due to an injury

K - HONG KEON HEE (19, 6'2")/P - ? - that was many things. but i wanna see more things.

K - LEE HOE TAEK (31, 5'7")/P - ? - Hui! I never understood why he was on this show. like, this ain’t it for him bro.

K - CHOI WOO JIN (19, 5'7")/P - ? - cutieeeeeee, i hope he makes it. protect him.

K - SUNG HAN BIN (23, 5'10")/P - ? - he seems talented despite the schtick

K - PARK GUN WOOK (19, 6'0")/P - ? - Jellyfish - i think he’s handsome, but?? whys he so dramatic?

K - LEE SEUNG HWAN (24, 5'10")/P - ? - why didnt he just sing normally bro?? he’s got a real nice voice!

K - JEONG I CHAN (23, 5'10")/P - ? - is he a Sim?? That’s creative! and his voice! here for him.

K - KIM MIN SEOUNG (20, 5'8")/P - ? - omfg, i was kinda on board, but him being so awkward at the end sold me

K - KIM JI WOONG (25, 5'10)/P - ? - what a weirdo vampire schtick. but i think he’s handsome.

G - CHEN YU GENG (26, 6'0")/P - ? - i mean, he’s pretty! ***WHY THEY CALL HIM “CRAYON”

G - CHEN JIAN YU (26, 5'10")/P - ? - i’m cackling! do they not explain it for these kids? this one is cute, im here for him.

G - ZHANG SHUAI BO (22, 6'0")/P - ? - i hate it. but he’s cute so meh.

G - CONG (23, 5'8")/P - ? - he’s endearing and I want good things for him

G - KRYSTIAN (24, 5'10")/P - ? - weird, but the awkward ending was endearing

G - YUKI (22, 5'8")/P - ? - he’s v cute but v awkward

G - JAY CHANG (23, 5'9")/P - ? - (i mean he is the whole reason I’m watching this show) - i get why ppl think he’s corny though

G - SEOK MATTHEW (22 5'7")/P - INDEPEN - he brought a picture of his familyyyyyy, you have to support him!

G - MIN (24, 5'9")/P - ? - bitch had a whole ass oxygen mask! hahaha!

G - FENG JUN LAN (25, 5'10")/P - ? - this bitch dgaf. i like that. plus he already said he’s gonna suck, sooooo

G - WUMUTI (25, 5'9")/P - ? - (forgot this bitch was on here…) - oof his makeup. he do have a pretty ass voice though…

........................................................................................................... And FAIL:

K - LIM JUN SEO (19, 5'10")/F - 143 - omfg are they all this chaotic? i caaaaan’t.

K - JUNG MIN GYU (24, 6'1")/F - ? - bitch has a whole ass powerpoint? again, I can’t. he got a square ass jaw.

K - CHOI JI HO (20, 6'0")/F - ? - mr dj did not utilize his time well

K - JUNG SE YUN (16, 5'8")/F - oh come on, he’s 12. don’t put him on this show maannnn.

K - KIM TAE RAE (22, 5'8")/F - WakeOne - weird forum for an acoustic bop bro

K - BAK DO HA (21, 5'11")/F - WakeOne - ew. but maybe he’s cute.

K - LEE DONG GUN (19, 5'10")/F - ? - homie wont stop movinggggg

K - JEON HO YOUNG (19, 5'10")/F - ? - he too random????

K - KUM JUN HYEON (22, 5'11")/F - ? - his jaw is octagon. radio dj.

K - JANG YEO JUN (19, 5'10")/F - ? - look at his fucking flair. i dont really want to talk about his flair.

K - JUNG HWAN ROK (22, 5'9")/F - ? - isn’t harry potter dead yet? he didn’t need that schtick **oh this kid ends up leaving before it starts

K - LEE JEONG HYEON (22, 6'1")/F - WakeOne - wouldn’t it be hilarious if he couldn’t do the rubix cube??

K - CHOI SEUNG HUN (16, 5'7")/F - ? - nahhhhh, he too baby.

K - CHA WOONG KI (22, 5'8")/F - ? - what?

K - SEO WON (23 5'7")/F - ? - bruh, just sing. or dance. or something. or keep showing them veeneers.

K - JUNG HO JIN (21, 6'0")/F - ? - eyebrowsssssss. he go by “Dien??”

K - PARK HYUN BEEN (19, 5'10")/F - ? - woah. carrying costume

K - PARK HAN BIN (22, 5'9")/F - WakeOne - do other thiiiiings

K - JEON WOO SEOK (21, 5'8")/F - ? - i don’t understand what this was?

K - LEE DONG YEOL (25, 5'9")/F - ? - naurrrrrrrr

K - HAN YU JIN (17, 5'10")/F - ? - um, he awkward

K - KIM GYU VIN (20, 6'0")/F - ? - Jellyfish - um, he boring

K - HAN YU SEOP (20, 5'8")/F - ? - I’m not sureeeee. like the dumb ending though!

K - PARK MIN SEOK (22, 6'0")/F - WakeOne - meh voice, meh presentation

K - LEE YE DAM (21, 5'5")/F - ? - why he talking like that? I do want to see him dance more though…

K - PARK JI HOO (18, 5'9")/F - ? - naurrrrrr cutie, naurrrrr

K - YOON JONG WOO (24, 5'9")/F - ? - i just. dont have anything to say ((oh, he’s from OnePact))

K - MUN JUNG HYUN (19, 6'0")/F - Wake One - but he didn’t do any facial expressions??

K - JI YUN SEO (19, 6'0")/F - ? - tiny ass head

K - YOO SEUNG EON (20, 5'10")/F - ? - no, he doing too much, pretty pretty princess

K - LEE DA EUL (20 5'7")/F - ? - 143 - he’s wittle!

K - LEE HWAN HEE (26, 5'9")/F - ? - he faked that

G - OSUKE (21, 5'4")/F - ? - oh god, the face paint. brooooo.

G - CHEN REN YOU (20, 6'0")/F - ? - he honest didn’t know why the door was closing! hahaha!

G - TOUI (21, 5'11")/F - ? - oh, he’s even speaking japanese!

G - RICKY (20, 6'0")/F - ? - shrug. pass.

G - CHEN KUAN JUI (23, 5'9")/F - ? - flexible huh?

G - WANG ZI HAO (23, 5'10)/F - ? - he did the whole ass dance, but like meh

G - NA KAMDEN (23, 6'0")/F - ? - that was alot

G - WEN YE CHEN (24, 6'0")/F - ? - that was creative at least

G - NICE (24, 5'11")/F - ? - oh bless his little cookie heart. naur.

G - KEI (18 5'7")/F - ? - kei, i kinda wanna punch you

G - WINNIE (25 5'7")/F - ? - he needs a new hair color and new pants

G - ANTHONNY (20, 5'8")/F - ? - the nasallllly voice

G - DONG DONG (23, 5'9")/F - ? - why he put the bandaid on his nose though??

G - YUTO (19 5'7")/F - ? - his head wayyyy too big for his body

G - OUJU (20, 5'7")/F - ? - like what?

G - YUTAKA (25 5'7")/F - ? - he does not have a beautiful choice

G - HIROTO (22, 5'9")/F - ? - naur sweetie, naur

G - QIU SHENG YANG (23, 5'10")/F - ? - puppy in a monkey costume, oh sure sure

G - HYO (22, 5'8")/F - ? - noooooo, he’s 12

G - TAKUTO (16, 5'5")/F - ? - oh noooooooo, he’s 11!

G - WANG YAN HONG (25, 5'10")/F - ? - his face was -_- the whole time he was dancing, omfg *WHY HE CALLED DALE

G - OLLIE (18, 6'0")/F - ? - willy wonkNO

G - ICHIKA (31, 6'0")/F - ? - i got nothing

G - LIN SHI YUAN (25, 6'0")/F - ? - he didn’t even move!!

G - ZHANG HAO (24, 5'11")/F - ? - is that a tv screen??

G - CHEN LIANG (24, 6'1")/F - ? - the “singing” while dancing sent me (aka “Felix”)

G - RIKU (19, 5'11")/F - ? - cute concept for a skinny baby

G - ITSUKI (18 5'7")/F - ? - sir, go back to theatre

G - HARUTO (19, 5'7")/F - ? - that was alot. of nothing.

G - DANG HONG HAI (20, 5'11")/F - ? - why his face look like that tho

G - CAI JIN XIN (20, 6'2")/F - ? - okay.

G - YANG JUN (25, 5'9")/F - ? - he should just be an actor…

G - XUAN HAO (28, 5'11")/F - ? - he had a kazooooo

G - KEITA (23, 5'5")/F - ? - what even was that? he has cute eyes though.

G - BRIAN (22, 6'1")/F - ? - he cant really sing tho, can he?

G - HARU (18, 5'6")/F - ? - he got alot of eye makeup on

G - MA JING XIANG (20, 6'2")/F - ? - concept? round face? hair?

………………………………………………………………………………………

okay, there were 95 videos. i’m not trying to search for the other 3. on to episode 1!

Oh, they left before it even started… wait, how many fucking left?

? - JO EUN WOO (19, 5'8")

? - YEOM TAE GYUN (21, 5'9")

? - TAO YAUN (24, 6'0")

[existhere]

when it comes to recognizing the more obvious hallucinations, i’m pretty quick with it and let it slide off me. they don’t necessarily scare me anymore and im thankful i have the flavor of psychosis that can differentiate real vs fake quickly on my own

so sometimes i have a little fun with it and answer back, just to see what they say. tonight i had a first—i smelled a strong men’s cologne right before the talking

so I told him his cologne smelled like ass, and he was SHOOK 😂

[bizarrestart]

me and my similar female friends: hm, we’re noticing a lot of traits and problems cropping up that align with clinical traits of autism/adhd that is often masked in childhood… perhaps let’s all discus it and think about how to have conversations with our mental health providers

that one fuckass: haha! me too! self diagnosed *insert disorder word salad here* rizz em with the tism! autistic girl pussy! *adopts everyone’s experiences and claims them as their own*

[payslipgig]

ah

hey I want to see something

take this quiz (https://dlcincluded.github.io/MQ/) and then tell me about your score.

if you're autistic plus another overlapping type of neurodivergent, choose the autistic option. self diagnoses are valid.

choose other neurodivergent if you are neurodivergent but not autistic. again, self diagnoses are valid.

check out the monotropism theory of autism (https://monotropism.org/)

[octobergraves]

microdosing on what it'd be like to be bipolar I instead of bipolar II by drinking half an energy drink on an empty stomach

[roboticutie]

Okay but is there like. I understand PMDD very intimately, I know what it's like to bleed and be depressed. But is there the opposite? Is it a studied phenomena to experience periods of mania or hypomania during menstrual cycles? Because mine is coming back and both times now have felt MUCH more like that leading up to it and maybe the first day followed by a depressive crash.

[les-belles-mecaniques]

Peugeot Bébé (BP1) (1913)

[thelittlescrimshaw]

real talk, for all the morbidity and mortality, we don’t address how this is such a goofy ass fucking disorder. “Hey sometimes I feel so uncontrollably silly that I say wildly inappropriate things to work colleagues, but I’ve got a charismatic god complex so they roll with it. Hey, let’s plan an international trip in 5 days. Let me write 30k words in a week. Let me paint a whole series about the psychosexual effects of 9/11. I’m a creative genius. Yeah, let’s max out a credit card on sixteen new hobbies. I’m so hot and charming and likable, I went to one social event and came out with sixteen friends, only to catfish everyone when the irritability overtakes me and I crash into a spectacular low where brushing my teeth is the onlya thing I can manage.”

“Hey, you’re gonna have a god complex, and sometimes it will work out for you. Other times, you’ll want to skin yourself alive. It’s highly treatable with medication, but there’s a dozen out there to try. Good luck.”

bipolar disorder is fucking hard

[wheelie-sick]

thanks for rbing that post about religious psychosis 💜. i’m bp1 and during my first manic episode (earlier this year) i fell deep into religiosity that definitely bordered on of not fully psychotic. plus in general i’m a culturally shinto atheist. so i really appreciated it bc actual religious psychosis is so rarely addressed

yeah of course 💕💕 religious psychosis is not shorthand for bigoted religious person or religious zealot. plenty of people are incredibly invested in religion without it being psychosis.

I had my own episode of religious psychosis back when I was developing lupus where I believed the Norse gods had chosen me as a psychopomp and it led to things like walking into busy roads to pick up roadkill! it did not make me hate gay people it made me a danger to myself. I wish people understood that the reality of religious psychosis is not christofascism (though christofascists obviously can still have religious psychosis) it's actual delusions and hallucinations. bigotry isn't a delusion!

[evilsystemm]

I AM SOOOOOO PRETTYYYYY AHHHHHHH I WANNA TELL EVERYONE AND SHOW EVERYONE BUT ITLL MAKE THEM SO ENVIOUS AND SAD

:(((((((((((( I WANNA TALK ABOUT HOW PRETTY I AMMMMMMMMM

[existhere]

we have entered low mood era. the increase in mood stabilizer does not seem to be stabilizing the mood