#BECAUSE Q GENERALLY DESERVED BETTER

[kindahoping4forever]

💫 🤍💘 pls crystal 🥰

Anything for you, Jess. 😌💙

💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

I really appreciate hearing from readers who chose to read something despite it not being their usual cup of tea - whether it be the particular band member, something in the tags, the genre or even that they don't read much fic at all - but for whatever reason, they decided to give me and my story a chance. It's a nice feeling to know that they saw something there that made them want to make an exception and that they ended up being happy they did. That kind of faith and intent is a special kind of reader/author vibe.

🤍what's one fic of yours you think people didn't "get"?

Two fics came to mind but I can't really pretend that I don't understand the response they got because in one way or another, I feel like I didn't totally "get" what I was going for either. Both have a slight angst element to them and while I was intentionally trying to challenge myself to write something different, I should have realized that my audience (at least at the time) really just wanted to have a dirty, banter-y good time and so it made sense these stories didn't hit like the others did.

The fic that immediately came to mind is I'd Rather Be In Love, the one and only non-smut fic I've ever written (and most likely, will ever write). It was written in the 5+1 format and while I'm actually fairly proud of the way I structured the narrative, it's ultimately a story that didn't need to be written (I was in a rut and 5+1s were going around so I tried it out just to try it) and at least to me, it doesn't really feel like one of my stories without the smut. So with the confines of the format limiting my ability to give my characters as much depth and personality as I typically do, a wildly different tone (I literally have it tagged as fluff on AO3) and a blink and you miss it sex scene, I think my audience simply didn't know what to make of it and to date, it remains my least engaged story on both Tumblr and AO3.

The other story I thought of is Threw Out Our Cloaks & Daggers Because It's Morning Now (also probably my worst title lmao). For some reason, I thought my super fun and sexy Gardener!Ash series needed some dramatic weight and this was meant to be the first in a multi-part emotional arc (spoiler: that was for some reason going to culminate in Ash getting pegged) but I struggled so much with writing it and the reception was so underwhelming, I shelved the entire series. It was an unremarkable idea executed poorly (the structure is a mess, the tone is all over the place and you can absolutely tell I cobbled the final draft together from a pile of scraps because I just needed it to be done) and again, it was an unfortunate case of me just not understanding what my audience liked about my writing and specifically, that series. Who wants to see Gardener!Ash sad?! It made sense it bombed and I've genuinely considered retroactively calling it a standalone piece instead so it can be retconned out of the Gardener!Ash universe.

💘Is there any posted fic you want to rework/re-edit/re-write?

In the years since I wrote Release, I've quietly gone back in and made some changes but I think overall I'd like it a lot more if I gave it a more thorough overhaul. It was my first fic and I'm still proud of the concept but I just know that 2023 Crystal could handle certain ideas and scenes with a lot more grace and style.

Stylistically, in a lot of ways it feels like I was kind of mimicking Cass and a few other authors I looked up to at the time so a lot of my own sensibilities were still forming and thus don't really feel present. But the biggest issue for me is the centerpiece of the fic contains this extended rough dom sex scene and while I don't think it's a misstep (I still like what it means for the characters and the overall narrative), I can totally admit that I was out of my depth attempting such an emotionally complex scene like that with so little writing experience. If I were to write it now, I would definitely check in with the characters and their thoughts more to make sure that the point of the scene, what it meant to them and their relationship was spelled out a bit more responsibly. Thankfully, the majority of readers understood it anyways but still, I wish it was a little more obvious a lot quicker because as it stands now, it's kind of a crazy tonal shift.

I'd also probably tone it down a little bit. Hard dom fic was A Big Thing at the time and so I didn't think twice about including some fairly harsh physicality and degradation elements that I don't entirely vibe with now and are a pretty stark contrast to the type of fic I'd go on to write lol. Again, I don't regret the scene, I just think if I wrote it now, I'd be able to provide it with the nuance it required and deserved. (Cass and I have also discussed revising the poly!Lashton series we collaborated on for these same reasons.)

Let's chat! Writer Asks

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

if it's more Christian than right wing (and you havent revealed yourself to be otherwise) you mayyy gain some more traction by finding the basis for some of your socialism within The Beatitudes. just a suggestion!

It's equivalent parts Christian to Conservative. Generally speaking, I grind against them on both political and religious issues, but use their stance on whichever I'm not talking about to support what I am talking about, generally resulting in catch-22s for them.

[satirn]

if Jimmy and Timmy get married, how would the wedding go? Who proposes to the other? how does the proposal go?

this is the best ask ever i forgot how much i love schmaltz <3<3. heres some quick doodles as a bonus <3

as for the wedding and events proceeding, i think its go well! they deserve a little break from the stuff in their life, as a treat /q. Unless something like the syndicate crashes their party (i.. dont think theyd be that evil to do that tbh, i havent really dabbled w them story wise but idk, its a wedding im sure they'd be civil for once..) or some interuniversal threat pops up that needs their immediate action (something like garnet's wedding from su). which tbh would probably inhance the expirence for timmy, hes a straight menace and thinks stuff like that is awesome </3. but anyways

in general relationship stuff timmy may be the more forward one but i think jimmy would be the one to establish the milestones, plus that hes more traditional in my characterization of him. that being said, timmy would totally unintentionally propose or joke about marrying him and jimmy would 100% take him up on that with no hesitation.

now onto wedding stuff bc damn do i have a soft spot for this kinda stuff <3<3

the flowers i chose are forget-me-nots and pink / peachy orange aster flowers with a touch of roses in those same colors as well. i implore you to look up the flower meanings i had fun w em <3

I chose the color peach/a coral (is that what that color is ??) for the wedding because its a combo of timmy's pink and jimmy's redish orange (vermillion ?). i just think combining their colors when it comes to ships is just so so CUTE <3<3<3. this is also why that jimmytimmy painting i did a while back has primarily those colors <3. it didn't fit the theme but timmy wanted them so he gets a green, hot magenta pink, and purple flowers for his suit so his only family that loves him can be there.

this is uhh kinda angst implied but it wouldn't be something i made without a bit of angst <3. timmy's biological family would not be there, his mother would probably call once she heard that he got married but timmy decided to abandon that life and those people for good, and for the better tbh. the rest of the nicktoons unite crew would be there + maybe their plus one ig, but dib instead of zim, or maybe them both (zim wants to look normal so attends these events where its expected u show up yk, and dib follows bc clearly. hehe). cindy would probably arrive and agree to being a bridesmaid to show she isnt homophobic but would probably cry and/or drink in a corner the whole time </3, losing both of her boyfriend prospects at once /j

when they toss the bouquet danny is the one who catches it.. he looks over to manny and they share a flustered look while everyone else cheers <3

this is how id imagine it to go at least, there might be more sketches of this in the future i just gotta clean em up first </3. aaah this post is so long </3. told u i loved this kinda stuff SHHSHUSH !! <3<3<3

[missycolorful]

I think I'll just say this: I don't agree when people call any of the islanders "bad parents" just because their parenting is flawed.

Like, parents and their parenting is flawed. Inherently. One parent cannot meet all the demands of their child; it is literally impossible. As humans are imperfect, there will always be something missing or lacking in one's parenting. Hell, sometimes even two parents can't meet all their child's needs, depending on their personalities. If that's the case, then I guess all parents are bad parents. But that's not the case, so I don't get why people are so adamant when they see that a parent isn't handling things 100% perfectly and go "wow this person's parenting sucks."

And this is even more so when you take into account... pretty much everything going on in Quesadilla island. These people never really planned to be parents, yet here they are! And this island is out to kill these kids, so it's also a dangerous game of survival now, too! There are horrors around pretty much every corner. Plus, outside or inside forces are making the islanders suffer very often. The islanders are never okay. How they take care of their children is going to be different just by the very basis of their environment. The standards of parenting are different here. Their relationships with people, including their children, were never going to be 100% healthy or positive or okay. It's just not possible.

so, no, I don't think that just cause, say, q!Tubbo or q!Phil aren't great in regards to their emotional intelligence and often isolate themselves, or when any other parents in general don't handle what their children are going through perfectly, that they're bad parents. That kinda statement feels like it diminishes pretty much all the hard work and effort and love they put into taking care of their kids and even kids that aren't their own. Tubbo gives his everything for Sunny, and was/is an active babysitter for a lot of other eggs. Phil works so hard to love and teach survival to and take care of his two eggs equally. (Like, being 'basically' a single parent, of one or WORSE, two, is already hard enough in the real world - imagine being one on this fucking hellscape they're on).

Like, I don't think there's anything wrong with pointing out the parents' flaws. Their flaws make them human, and it'd be foolish to disregard their humanity. And it's interesting to analyze their flaws and what they say about the character, and how they impact their family. There's nuance there, and it should be discussed.

But I think when you're just going "oh, they're bad at parenting in general" because they fumble the bag in other departments lacks nuance. Sure, if you're just saying "they're bad when it comes to certain aspects of parenting," that's a different story, because that's understanding their flaws while recognizing that those flaws don't define all of their parenting. But to just say they're bad at it in general isn't productive analysis of their characters in any way. I haven't watched q!Phil take care of his egg for a whole year (followed by a second egg more consistently shortly after) only for people to shit on his parenting just because his lack emotional intelligence is more noticeable as of recent due to all the trauma and bullshit he's endured. And I haven't seen q!Tubbo put his whole heart into taking care of Sunny as well as multiple other eggs, being Chayanne and Tallulah's reliable godfather, just for people to put down his efforts because he's not always great at more emotionally in depth conversations. They're good parents in a lot of ways, and those strengths shouldn't be discredited just because they aren't good at other things. Their characters deserve way better than that.

tldr these parents are all good in many regards and are just trying their damn best in the worst of circumstances, can we cut them just a bit of slack, please?

[welivetodream]

✨ My BSD hot takes/unpopular opinions ✨:

1. Identifying BSD characters as Queer, is not problematic. STOP being so Heteronormative. Gay characters are not gonna kill you.

If I see another "BuT tHe ChArAcTeRs nEvEr SaId tHeY aRe GaY" I would bomb you 💣/j

2. Skk/SSKK/Fyolai/other popular ships, exist because people like it. If you don't ship them, don't engage with their content. Not all shippers act crazy and toxic. Stop blaming everything on shippers.

3. Atsushi/Kyouka is problematic, stop justifying it with "only 4 year age gap". Kyouka is a CHILD, ship her with Kenji if you want. Atsushi, like a normal 18 year old would never look at a highschool freshman and date her. Even if they date in the future, he knew her when she was younger and they had a sibling like dynamic. Lucy is a way better love interest to Atsushi (Don't know if this is an unpopular opinion tho, but I saw some people justifying it 😐😐😐)

4. DAZAI IS NOT EVIL. HE IS FAR FROM EVIL. He is, despite being super popular and the face of BSD, the most mischaracterized and villified character. Morally grey characters exist??!!!

5. Mori is a way worse person than Dazai ever was.

6. PM members get a free pass for any heinous crime they commit by being hot or babygirl-ified (still love them tho, we do not often discuss how bad their actions have been, you can like criminals and acknowledge they are criminals in fiction. I would add DoA to this too, but it's worse with the PM)

7. Akutagawa's abuse of Kyouka shouldn't be forgotten just because Dazai abused Akutagawa.

8. Mori emotionally manipulated and abused Dazai when he was a teen. Just because it wasn't physical, doesn't mean it was nothing.

9. Atsushi is NOT a soft boy, he is way bitter, salty and sarcastic than we give him credit

10. Poe is important to Ranpo and their friendship/relationship is wholesome as hell

11. Ranpo and Yosano's friendship is way better than them being in a relationship in the future

12. FukuFuku is better than Fukumori (imo!!!!)

13. Buying real authors work after watching BSD is actually a really good thing, since more Gen z kids (or other people) will read classics

14. There are layers to Atsushi and Akutagawa relationship/rivalry, and they have the MOST important relationship (not meaning romantic, just in general) in the entire canon.

15. Kunikida and Yosano could be a power couple

16. Fyodor is not a great villain (yet)

17. Nikolai CARRIES the DoA

18. Sigma shouldn't be in the ADA, he needs a happy home, family and some time to adjust to normal life

19. Q and Elise are both underused characters and could become a great dynamic

20. Ango deserves more love, the amount of pressure and stress he deals with is INSANE

21. It's OKAY if everyone joins the fandom for Dazai or skk (I did at first too!!)

22. Higuchi is annoying as hell. I do not get her hype, I like her but not as much as most people (just personal opinion, do not flame me 😭)

23. Everyone in The Guild is forgettable or boring (except Fitzgerald, Poe and Lucy. I like Louisa, but I forget her all the time)

24. Hetero ships are just not that great/interesting in BSD to me 🤷🏻‍♀️ (except maybe AtsuLucy or rare pairs) and female characters are not best utilised, I wish they play more major roles (can't wait for Agatha to arrive!!)

25. Some fan theories/arts get the story better than "canon" stuff at times. Fanon is NOT always the worst (sometimes enjoyable when the canon gets too dark or sad)

26. Toxic ships are okay in fiction as long as they are legal. Humans like toxic things, we consume it like junk food 💅🏻

(These are all personal opinions of mine and do not matter. Feel free to disagree. But, do not hate or be toxic!!!! 😇😇😇😇)

(PS: I compiled all these because of posts I have seen in, Reddit, Pinterest, Twitter and sometimes Tiktok. These aren't really abt you Tumblr folks. I meant to post this on reddit but did not have the courage or mental strength lol)

[mahomadjicks]

Been seeing some posts about the Q and A the clash writing team did and man…

((WARNING: light rant below; mostly me rambling about worldbuilding aaaa))

I’m not fond of what the writing team wants to do, especially since it seems like they’re hyper-focusing on the kudos/street managers. It’s this section in particular that’s got me thinking and worried.

MAN does this phrase here have a lot of food for thought. Not just because of the horror fanfic i’m making, but now things clearly seem to be taking a large turn into the ‘Manager-focused plot’ I feared Clash would write themselves into.

Idk. The way i’m thinking about it, it’s a bit self destructive writing wise for suits to be in inherent ‘tiers’. (Grunt cogs have less personality/free will than managers, ete.)

If one of the goals is to show how COGs Inc exploits and mistreats their workers, isn’t it shooting yourself in the foot saying ‘COGs inc is a horrible company to ALL its workers’, but then turning to say ‘oh yeah, all those cogs aren’t as sentient compared to THESE ones’—

Like, in the case of ‘grunt’ cogs, wouldn’t these cogs be the ‘ground zero’ of the atrocities the company commits? Literally built for one purpose in life, in a cycle of being destroyed and rebuilt constantly without any say or agency. Being held under the thumb of a dubious company that in all technicality owns you, so you can’t really leave unless you’re fired?

If the grunt cogs were just as self preserving and sentient as the managers, then the message would be hammered in better. THEY’d be the ones constantly put under all the pressure for virtually nothing. Instead, the writing team has introduced the dilemma of ‘who is aware/deserving of company rights’.

If these (grunt) suits are inherently ‘lesser’ than their manager counterparts, then it changes the gravity of the situation from ‘discriminatory company practices’ to ‘changing a piece of machinery.’ No real loss, and its business as usual. The very problem i’d imagine the writing team wants to warn and help players to recognize in the story.

While not treated much better, it’s been shown/implied that manager cogs (specifically kudos/street and Litigation) get a lot more benefits and free time than anyone else besides bosses.

Removing personality/preservation from ‘grunt’ suits changes this element in the story from ‘They have higher positions, thus better work benefits,’ to ‘They get those benefits because they KNOW that they have them in the first place.’

In general, lot of the managers seem to have the luxury of being built without a specific company in mind, having childhoods, and ultimately CHOOSING to work at COGs Inc. Many seem to forget the whole reason the kudos/street managers were hired in the first place was in response to Atticus Wing’s death.

They weren’t randomly ‘dropped in’, and now the story needs to be changed to accommodate them. There already was an explicit reason, and it doesn’t seem to conflict with any manager lore after the fact. Why bend over backwards to force them into the story rewrites more?

I understand the managers are super popular, and have been a game changer in terms of story and gameplay, but I honestly feel they’re also blinding people in terms of prior lore and potential lore avenues. There’s no need to break the story/lore further to make the ‘special’ cogs even more ‘special’.

At the end of the day, I get the writing team wants to add more flavor, and I commend them for doing all this for free! Writing isn’t easy, and this isn’t me hating on them at all. I’m just not fond of this manager-centric mindset gripping people. I’m certainly looking forward to all the future content they wish to add, specifically rewrites in toon NPCS.

Anyway just had this in the back of my mind for a minute, feel free to throw in your two cents if ya like.

[husbandhannie]

home, home, home, home

pairing: woozi x reader

word count: 1.1k

warnings: some relationship insecurity, but this isn't exactly angst, one(1) barely present sexual reference (no details at all)

a/n: svt's home is actually really inspiring when you're in the mood

taglist: @leejungchans @junhui-recs @itsveronicaxxx

jihoon’s distracted, and he knows it. given soonyoung’s concerned gaze, he knows it too.

“we can pick this up later”, his friend offers, “we have time”.

“no, it’s okay”, jihoon responds, not sounding nearly as sincere as he should, “i said we’d do this”.

it’s true. as much as he rolls his eyes at soonyoung’s “tiger agenda”, he promised his friend a tiger-themed song for International Tiger Day, and jihoon is a man of his word. he can’t just stop for today, as much as he desperately wants to.

“we have more than a month”, soonyoung insists, “how about we continue tomorrow? after gym?”

jihoon sighs. he knows his mind is focused on something else today, knows that he can’t help his friend today. he bids soonyoung goodbye as he leaves his studio, and it’s a testament to how preoccupied he is that he doesn’t roll his eyes at soonyoung’s illicit smirk.

you. he’s got you on his mind.

and no, it’s not the way soonyoung thinks.

you haven’t texted jihoon in the last 12 hours, and he’s losing his mind trying to figure out why.

to most people, this might not be a big deal. after all, most of those hours were in the night — the period of the day in which people generally sleep. but you almost never sleep before 2 AM, and neither does he — and the two of you always text during the night. always.

so understandably, jihoon is a little freaked out about the lack of messages from you. his texts and calls to you have gone unanswered, and he’s hoping it’s not on purpose.

as he manoeuvres his car through traffic, he tries to think of the last time the two of you met. it was two — no, three — no, wait, four days ago. you had dropped by his studio for dinner, and mentioned feeling overwhelmed with your master’s thesis. he was working on a track, he remembers.

maybe he was distracted. maybe it dawned on you that he wasn’t available enough, that he wouldn’t be there for you when you needed him the most. maybe you decided to cut your losses and ditch him.

the logical part of his brain knows that that’s very improbable. the two of you talk, and you have always told him when he did something that bothered you. the other part of his brain, however, has been almost waiting for this to happen.

yes, you’re busy too, and yes, you dislike big flashy dates as much as he does, and yes, you prefer night-ins spent just talking — but maybe you realized something, maybe you decided that you deserve better.

the significance of your presence in his life has never hit jihoon so hard, and he’s hoping that he hasn’t fucked this up.

he doesn’t think he’s ever made the journey from your building’s parking lot to your floor so fast — he’s racing through the stairs to the second floor, and for once he doesn’t dwell on how your landlord should cut down your rent because the elevator is somehow always under repair. actually, he’s not thinking about anything but you — and how he feels like the ground under him might give out any second.

he’s felt this way before, back when his group was new to the industry. he remembers the uncertainty, remembers the feeling of dread. he didn’t think he’d ever feel it again, least of all in a romantic relationship. this is what happens when you find a home, he thinks.

he has to stop himself from pressing your doorbell the second he stops in front of your apartment. he manages to wait for about twelve seconds while he catches his breath, before giving in, lightly panting.

the door opens and you emerge in your blue pajamas, your eyes squinting at his figure. he’s woken you up.

“jihoon?”, you blink, a confused smile making its way to your face, “what are you — “, you stand up straight, and he knows you’ve noticed his sweaty forehead and quick breaths, “everything okay?”

“yeah, i, uh”, he stutters for a moment, because he hadn’t thought about what to actually say to you, “you weren’t picking up my calls”.

seriously? he does a mental face-palm. “you weren’t picking up my calls?”

“just came to check if everything is okay” there. that sounds more reasonable.

“oh?”, you move to let him in, closing the door behind you while you answer, “ah yeah! i had a couple of drinks last night with my team, and came home and passed out. left my phone outside, i think”.

oh. jihoon feels the knot in his chest loosen up. he hasn’t fucked his up. you’re still here, he hasn’t lost his home.

“sorry about that”, you continue when he doesn’t respond, “didn’t mean to worry you”.

“no, it’s okay”, he offers, smiling when he notices that you’re wearing your pajama shirt inside-out, “i wasn’t that worried”.

it’s a lie, but you don’t need to know.

“anyway, i’m just going to chill out today”, you say as you pull out your coffee cup, “maybe cook a little, read a book”, you turn to him with another cup in hand, his cup. “wanna have coffee before you go off for work? it’s soonyoung’s tiger song for today, right?”

“he ditched me today”, jihoon pretends to be annoyed, but he can’t help the smile that grows on his face when you laugh, “i can hang around here, if that’s okay”.

“ofcourse”, you smile, and jihoon has to hold back from pulling you into a hug. you do it for him though, wrapping your arms around his waist and sighing into his shoulder. “i missed you”.

jihoon holds back from telling you the truth about his work today. and about the tensed car ride here. and how he ran up the stairs of your defective building. and how he hopes you’ll never get tired of holding him like this.

he’ll tell you later, he knows. later, when it’s not too freaky to tell you what you mean to him, when he’s sure he can say it out loud in words that make sense. later, when he’s sure he’s your home, too.

for now, he just wounds his arms around you and pulls you even closer.

“i missed you too”.

[moonffe]

i lovedddd my lips might've slipped!! please please please make a part 2

ofc. <3

my lips might've slipped

ethan landry pt2

pt1. pt3 warnings: making out, suggestive stuff, arguing, blood. word count: 7k

A/N: the writers block i got while writing this was almost the end of me... came up with a lot of one shot ideas though so I'll be posting those really soon.

“You left him… there.” Quinn repeated after you, looking bored out of her mind like this happened everyday.

“He was being an asshole, Q.”

“You always think he's being an asshole.“ She shook her head with distaste.

You weren't exactly known for being uncomfortable around people. Actually, it was the other way around. But you couldn't look at her as she ambled towards her closet. You felt embarrassed, tracing the rim of your coffee mug with your finger. “That's just how he acts, Y/N. You out of all people should know this.”

“He used to be different.”

This seemed to pique her interest. “In general or towards you?”

You rolled your eyes. “Both.”

“A lot of stuff has changed since we were kids.” She told you, leaving a bag with vials filled with fake blood next to you on the bed. You understood there was privacy in this apartment, but it was risky to leave this kind of stuff just laying there in her closet. How did she do it? “Richie's gone, dad's more distant than usual…”

Quinn bit her lower lip. You hated drawing all the attention to you when she was going through stuff, too.

“You don't need to—”

“It's fine.” She cut you off, her tone slightly aggressive. She cupped your face in her hands and leaned over you before you could stop her. You weren't self-conscious while being this close to her, Quinn was definitely the person you trusted the most. That's exactly why she noticed your lack of eye contact and was now forcing you to look at her. You didn't want to. You had so much shit bottled up you were scared you would start crying. You winced at the idea, stretching your arm to leave your mug on her night table.

“You're amazing, Y/N. I'm not just saying this because I'm your best friend. You really deserve the best out there, and If my asshole brother can't give you that, then move on.” You tried to retort, but her hand quickly slapped over your mouth. Jesus. “If you say you're not into him one more time, I'll jump out that damn window right now.” Her head nodded towards her bedroom's single window. You lured at her, but you could feel your heart hammering inside your ribcage. “You want him, and he wants you back. I'm not stupid and I know my brother— But if he keeps up with all the bullshit, then stop. I love him, but that doesn't make him a better person.”

Your eyes were starting to water, and hers were still fixated on yours. You licked her palm for the fuck of it. Quinn winced, retracting her hand from your face. “Did you have to do that?”

You wiped your damp eyelashes with the side of your wrist, a knot in your throat. “You weren't letting me go.” She snorted, your body barely swaying from her cleaning her palm on your shirt sleeve.

“Still. That ruined my entire speech.” Quinn had to press her lips together to not laugh. You were aware the situation was probably funny, but you couldn't muster a smile.

Her hand covered your mouth again, expression serious. “Understood?” She waited for you to say the words. You surrendered. The fuck else could you do? “Good.”

“I don't want him.” It's the first thing you said when you were able to speak again.

“Are you trying to convince me or yourself? I'll jump out the window, Y/N.”

You sighed, lifting your gaze from the floor to meet her eyes. “Thanks for telling me all that. I'm not sure it helped, but— I appreciate you caring about me and my… complicated relationships with individuals who do not own a uterus. You're a good friend.”

“Best friend.” She ruffled your hair before reclining on the bed, propping herself on her elbows. “Well, are you gonna tell me what happened between the two of you?”

She'd hate you. She'd beat the absolute shit out of you. Your eyes almost widened at the mere thought of telling her— Yeah, you weren't going through that. “Nice try. No.”

“Did you…” Her eyes narrowed, thoughtful. “Get drunk and kiss him?”

“No.”

She elevated her eyebrows. “Did you fuck him?”

“Fuck, Quinn!” Your face scrunched up, she laughed when you threw a pillow straight to her face. “No!”

“Okay, okay!” She glanced away before looking back at you. “Did you maintain sexual intercourse with my brother?”

You had to rub your temples to alleviate your embarrassment. “That made me want to kill myself.”

“So it's a yes.”

“It's a ‘I'm not talking to you for the rest of the night’.”

“You can't talk to the dead.” She reminded you, sighing as she sprawled out on the bed. You mirrored her, lying on your back and staring at the ceiling, fidgeting with the ring around your finger. You missed wearing some of your favorite jewelry, but times were different, and now you had to keep them hidden in your closet. They were gifts from a certain person…

“Go fuck yourself, respectfully.” You shut your eyes closed, a small smile playing on your lips as Quinn's hand slapped over your forehead. She felt up your face until reaching your cheek, your head tilting after she gave it a fake bitch slap.

“I did not take any offense in that.” You couldn't see her face, but the laziness in her voice was obvious.

You stared at the filled bathtub, feeling the weight of your eyelids. Time flew by while you and Quinn were asleep. You usually avoided naps, afraid you'd have that dream again. But this time you were so tired you didn't even think of him. Ethan's presence brought you back to the present. He sprayed fake blood into the water, then turned to you. "You ready?” You hated being this close to him.

“I guess.” You motioned for him to turn around while you took your clothes off and got in the bathtub. You kept your shirt in hand, using it to cover yourself. If you fucking catched him looking at you… “Ready.”

Ethan faced you, eyes briefly lingering downwards before he sighed. “Okay.” He hummed, a small wrinkle forming between his eyebrows as he knelt in front of you, focused on inspecting your torso. “This is gonna hurt.”

“We practiced this.” He nodded, still not looking into your eyes. You had to die. Well, not exactly. The plan was to get injured and just make it look like you almost died.

It would be too convenient if you escaped the apartment clean, and too hard to fake your death like Quinn was. So, since you were such a fucking masochist, you agreed to do this.

Your best friend wasn't as good with a knife like her brother was. He knew what he was doing well enough to not damage anything vital, and you were sure he wasn't evil enough to actually hurt you. "Bring it.”

Was he?

You squeezed his shoulder with all your strength as the blade of his knife found its place beneath your ribs. He pulled you closer, letting you bury your face in his neck. You weren't supposed to scream.

“I know. I know it hurts.” He whispered, fingers sliding through locks of your hair. He was trying to comfort you, anyone would in this situation, but the glare you showed him made the look on his face change. He let go of you. “Have it your way, sweetheart.”

You frowned at the pet name. “I'm bleeding. Do you mind?”

“I stayed on the side and didn't go too deep, Y/N. You're not gonna bleed out.” He spat, applying fake blood to your leg. His hand ran over your skin to disperse it over your shin. He had an attitude, you could see it on his face, but he was still being careful.

“And? It still hurts.” You said, trying to hide how damn flustered you were actually getting.

Your hand remained hardly grasping your shirt, trying to keep it in place. Ethan's eyes met yours after you flinched at the cold blood. He looked away, but his gaze returned to your hands after a while. You didn't like it. “What?”

“You’re shaking.” He mentioned. Discreetly, you checked. Your fingers trembled around your shirt, but he shook his head before you could retaliate. “I'm not looking.” His voice was soft, but your personality wasn't.

“You are, though.” And he probably was. Why the hell would he mention it, then?

He gave you a look, but continued with his work. You were trying to relax, you really were, but his touch was making you feel things. The fabric of his gloves touching you with so much gentleness like you were made of porcelain. It was actions that mattered, not words. His thumb traced up your arm, softly pressing on your shoulder. His eyebrows furrowed. “Did you get that mole removed?”

“Ethan.” You grumbled.

He sat back, looking distraught for a second before he made up his mind and met your gaze. “Was it for that guy?” He asked. You could only close your eyes, trying not to snap. “I'm dead serious, Y/N. I want to know.”

You weren't supposed to talk about anything that could or couldn't have happened in the past. And specifically, of how he could know about that mole. “What guy?”

“Johnny.” He choked out. “Your asshole ex.”

You opened your eyes and realized he was, in fact, being serious. His demeanor solemn as he stared, waiting for you to answer him like you didn't have a fucking agreement. “Surprised you remember him.”

“I remember when it comes to you.” His words made your cheeks heat up, though you weren't sure if it was out of surprise or embarrassment.

“What does he have to do with any of this?”

“Did you get it removed for him?” He looked at your shoulder, a vein throbbing on his jaw. “I liked that mole.”

“I don't know, was Tate dressing up for you at the Halloween party?”

He almost looked like he wanted to deny it, but couldn't bring himself up to the task. “Do you care?”

“It's the second time you ask me that.” You paused, and decided to shoot him back. “When it comes to you, I care.”

“Is it bad that I like the sound of that?” He asked, his voice husky. It made your breath hitch.

“Just answer the question.”

“I don't know— Maybe? I didn't ask her to.”

“That's kinda obvious.” It was. But you still wanted to know if it was fucking intentional. “It would be weird.”

“What? Ask my girlfriend to dress up for me?” He chuckled, his amusement tinged with sarcasm. “It would be plain abusive.”

Girlfriend. Your jaw clenched, you couldn't keep living like this. Why did it hurt so much? Why did it hurt so much to know he did exactly what you asked him to? He got over you, and you were still the same idiot that drooled over him every time he was nice to you. You hated him.

“You know who'd do that?”

Ethan noticed the change of tone in your voice, so he just hummed in response, wanting to avoid an argument. But by that moment, it was your only way of protecting yourself. Of trying to take your heart away from his reach. “Your dad.”

“You always say that.” You noticed how much you got to him by how forcefully he put the vial down. He leaned in, fingers threading through your hair to make it look like you fought back.

“Am I wrong?”

“No.” He paused, his voice wavering. He was struggling to maintain his composure, and you were enjoying it. “But he's my father, and I'm nothing like that man. It's offensive.”

“Nothing like him?” You raised an eyebrow, challenging him. He met your gaze with conviction, looking like he was about to snap at you.

“Nothing like him.”

“I thought you helped him kill your mom.”

“It's different.” He assured you, a flicker of pain crossing his features. You weren't falling for that shit.

“But you have a relationship with him.”

“Not the relationship I'd like.”

Your teeth caught your lower lip as he got busy again. He applied blood on his gloves for realism, rubbing his palms together to spread it over the black fabric. It wasn't hard for you to notice the missing item, since you were pretty much devouring him with your eyes.

You were unaware that you voiced your thoughts out loud until his eyes focused on you. You felt your heart drop to your stomach.

“What?” He inquired, confused.

“Tate's hair tie.”

He just stared at you for a while, lowering his head ever so slightly. “Right.” You frowned.

“Did you guys get into an argument or something?” You were sure the answer was no, but him exhaling took you by surprise.

“It's stupid.”

“What did you do?”

“We were kissing and… I don't know, I was drunk. Mixed things up and called her by your name.”

His confession made your face fall. “Is that supposed to be romantic? Because it doesn't fucking feel like it.”

“She said no strings attached.” He glowered at you.

“Then why did you take it off?”

“Because she was mad.” He bit his lower lip, playing with the lace of his left boot to avoid looking at you. “I never— I never felt something for her, Y/N. But I think she started falling in love with me.”

No, no, no, no— You weren't sitting through that shit. Your best friend was one wall away, if you could just… “Quinn!” You shouted, but his bloody glove clamped over your mouth. When the fuck did he get that close to you?

“No, listen.” He groaned. ”You can't just always push me away.”

You moved your head to the side to push his hand away. His nose only inches away from touching yours. He was breathing heavily, and you were ashamed to admit it was making you nervous, he was making you nervous. “I don't wanna hear it, Ethan.”

“Can you give me one chance?” He begged, his hands moved to the wall, pinning you against it. “Just one fucking chance to talk?”

You started feeling dizzy while his eyes were on yours, and you realized you forgot to breathe. How to breathe. Fuck, you were weak. “Go on.” You wheezed.

“Thank you, I—” He swallowed. “I never felt something for her. I never felt… anything since we broke up. That's why I was using Tate. Because I was trying to feel something, I was trying to feel alive again—”

“So you just used her?” You cut him off, you were gripping your shirt against your bare body for dear life. “Like she was disposable.”

“I never thought you out of all people would care about that.” You rolled your eyes. He grabbed your chin to stop you from looking away from him. “We said no strings attached, Y/N. It couldn't even be called a relationship— It wasn't one. We would just make out and I would go as her date at parties.”

“You still looked pretty damn close.” You huffed, jealousy clouding your senses. “I don't wanna know about how you switched saliva with that bitch—”

“You just asked me to tell you!” He protested, your hand slapping over his mouth. You stayed silent, trying to get a clue on what was going on outside. It was very faint, but you could hear the group still yapping and laughing.

“If they hear you, it's over.” You grimaced.

“I'm sorry.” He coed.

“It's fine…” A low sigh escaped your lips, the soft fabric of his cloak between your fingers as you absentmindedly adjusted the hood.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Because you asked me.”

“But you never told me anything before.” You paused, locking eyes with him. His big, earnest brown eyes that held rare vulnerability. You wanted to kiss him. “Why is it different this time?”

His fingers traveled up your arms, cradling your wrists tenderly as they were still pressed against his neck. “You know why.” He murmured, a tinge of pain underlying his words, causing your guts to twist and turn inside of you. Then you realized maybe they actually were. You still had a cut on your side.

“We're not good for each other.”

Ethan grimaced, shaking his head. “You keep saying that, but you're the only person I've felt something for—”

“Do you want me or need me, Ethan?” You interrupted him, he looked confused for a second. “Because they're two different things. And if you need me, it's not love.”

“I need you because I want you.” His face held a sense of urgency. What did he want you to say?

“What do you think is going to happen? If the same thing from last time repeats itself—”

“We'll get through it.” He nodded his head, his features shifting to show a crazed, desperate glimmer in his eyes that made him look out of his mind. “I want a future with you. I want you. Just you. Please, just— just think about it, alright? Please, let me… just let me…”

His plea hung in the air when you pressed your mouth on his. He groaned, his soft lips easily returning the kiss. The two of you grinned when he lost balance and you had to hold his shoulders, keeping him in place. He was still on his knees, after all.

His tongue slipped into your mouth, gliding and rubbing over yours. Your fingers tangled between his messy curls, fingertips fondling his scalp and making him kiss you even more eagerly. It was slow, but you could tell he had been wanting to do that for a long time. Ethan let out a sound, and you questioned if it was a sob or he was just really enjoying himself. Did he really miss you that much? To cry the second you kissed him? His muscular arms snaked around your body, the softness of his cloak against your bare, cold skin feeling like heaven on earth to you.

He was holding you like you would disappear if he let go, and maybe he was right. Ethan was addictive. He was like a drug you couldn't get enough of, and you were just wondering what would happen when he walked out that door and you found yourself alone, feeling guilty for falling into temptation.

“You're ready.” His lips were wet and he was breathing hard when he pressed his forehead against your own. You gave a small hum to acknowledge his words. “Remember the plan?”

You hummed again. “I need to leave you now.”

“Alright.” You finally opened your eyes, a little too bewitched by the boy in front of you for your brain to have any logical structure. His minty breath hit your lips as he leaned in, pressing a quick kiss to your lips you gladly reciprocated.

He stood up straight and grabbed the empty vials from the floor while you recollected your thoughts, a nauseous sensation sweeping over your stomach at the thoughts your brain was, for some reason, forming.

What if something happened to him? “If they hurt you, I'll slit their fucking throat.”

Ethan bit his lip to hold back a smile, his knee bumping against your calf. “Didn't consider you a romantic.” He stared down at you, his grin was contagious.

“I prefer the term psychotic, but thanks anyway.”

His gloved hand affectionately ruffled your hair, sliding down to your cheek as his lips pressed a kiss on it. “Try not to move too much, alright? I promise I'll make you dinner after this is over.”

You snorted, your hands finding place in his lightly muscular chest as you pulled him down to your height. He finally gave in, revealing a set of white, straight teeth as he smiled. “You're gonna burn the house down.”

You had a lot of memories of sixteen year old Ethan trying to cook, he was a fire hazard near a stove.

“We'll order takeout, then." He said in a low tone, giving your forehead one last kiss. Then your temple, then your lips. “It's a promise.” You watched him rise from the floor and leave, chewing on your lip as you heard the faint voices of him and his sister arguing about something.

Quinn was bloody and ready, they just had to start making noise to catch the group’s attention. Your breathing slowly increased in pace as the realization of what just happened started hitting you. You shouldn't have kissed him, you shouldn't have let him kiss you, you practically just told him yes—

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. You threw your shirt aside and groaned in pain. You definitely couldn't move much with a wound that big. Successfully grabbing your phone from the floor, you saw Quinn's text.

Took him a while to leave. Everything alright?

Not really.

Your finger tapped on the side of your phone impatiently. Come on. Come on, come on, come on— you sighed when she started typing.

Did he try something?

We kissed.

Was it consensual?

Yes. That's why i feel so fucking shitty. I shouldn't have.

We'll talk about this later alright? I need to get out there.

Okay.

You laid back on the bathtub and your face scrunched up. Fuck, it was hurting you. Was it pathetic that you couldn't even feel the pain before because you were busy worrying about Ethan? It probably was. He was still in your mind, he had been since you were seventeen.

There was a reason why you broke up, a reason why you tried to avoid him all these months. Guess you can't fall out of love with someone this fast, you had no idea why you thought you could achieve that. It was Ethan Kirsch we were talking about. That made it even harder.

Your eyes couldn't stare at the white ceiling for much longer, you were starting to blink a lot and you somehow feeling yourself losing blood. You didn't know if that was possible, or you were starting to hallucinate. Only thing you knew for sure, is you were dizzy as fuck. There were screams and thuds resonating through the thin walls of the apartment, the sounds of footsteps and running.

You weren't sure of how much time passed since Ethan left, but the voices and slams on the door became closer, a lot louder. Your eyes were starting to open again at the closeness of the noises. Someone called your name. Screamed your name, actually. It wasn't hard for you to recognize Mindy's voice. You blinked, trying to adjust to the lighting of the bathroom as Chad's sister noticed the crimson water in the bathtub, panting.

“Fuck, you gotta come with us!” Her eyes drifted somewhere else and yours followed. Sam was holding the door to the living room, with your ex-boyfriend relentlessly pounding on it. She looked horrified.

“Help her put something on. Fast!” She commanded, Mindy nodded and attempted to help you out of the water, but you kept shaking your head and pushing her arms away.

“I can't walk, I can't walk, I can't walk…”

“You're gonna die if you stay here!” Sam yelled.

Mindy choked out a breath, grabbing your pile of clothes from the floor. “I'm sorry about Quinn, but you need to come with us!”

“I can't— I won't. He thinks I'm dead.”

“With all the screaming, no, he doesn't anymore!” Sam ran towards you, hugging your shoulders to pull you out of the water. Mindy's eyes were wide and her hand was clutching at the wound on her arm after leaving you to put your underwear and shirt back on. Ethan was banging on the door harder every time, and Sam was starting to get impatient.

You rushed into Quinn's room and your jaw flew open at the sight of Anika bleeding that much. What did Ethan do to her?

The door creaked as it broke. Sam dashed into Quinn's room, and she and Mindy barricaded it with a closet. Your gaze shifted to Sam's boyfriend, staring at you and Anika bleeding out from the other window. Billy's daughter was looking for a way out, and you weren't exactly sure of what was happening while you stared at the door, wondering how much it would take Ethan to break it like the past one. Anika was whimpering, your arm wrapping around her absentmindedly.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sam panted, catching your attention. Ethan was taking too long… And Danny was using a… ladder. To help you cross. What the fuck? “You three go first!” Sam turned to you. You glanced at Mindy, who looked offended.

“Someone needs to hold the door, Sam! Anika and Y/N are losing blood!” She shouted. “Go!”

“Shit…” Sam gave you a look before going first. Mindy was still holding the door, and Anika clutched her stomach, trying to contain as much blood as possible. You started blinking, feeling cold sweat run down your temples. You laid back on the bed, knowing you had to stay conscious for this to work. Mindy wasn't getting away from the door…

“I'll hold it.” You offered, stumbling with your own feet as you got up.

“You're practically dying, I'm not leaving you to do this!” She scowled, but you ignored her words and still stood next to her, pushing the closet onto the door.

“So now you're being nice to me?” You bit the inside of your cheek, because you knew this was probably the last time you'd see her.

“I was wrong.” She choked out, giving you a nod. No, she wasn't. Sam yelled for someone to go next. You and Mindy looked at Anika. She was the closest to passing out.

You started falling asleep before waking up again, you had to wait for Anika to get a little closer to Danny's window… when your eyes opened, you realized you fell asleep for another second. Shit. You glanced back, seeing Ethan's arm fully in the room and swinging his knife through the small opening of the door. You glared at Mindy. If she pushed back one more time, she was going to fucking hurt him.

You faked passing out, collapsing sideways to push her down onto the floor. Ethan kicked the door open after you landed on top of Mindy. She struggled to push you from on top of her, but she managed to... without enough time to get to the window. Sam and Anika's screams echoed as Ethan's hands closed around Mindy's neck, choking her right beside you.

You opened your eyes, seeing hers widen. Mindy's lips parted as if to yell something, but Ethan slammed her down on the floor, pressing harder on her neck until she gradually stopped fighting back. Her arms fell limp, and you glanced up at him. Anika was next.

You were faking being passed out, so you didn't really know what was going on until a loud thud reached your ears. Holy shit. Did she fall?

You stayed still, listening to Ethan's footsteps with your eyes closed. He knelt down beside you, you caught your lower lip between your teeth.

"Good girl." He praised, caressing your cheek with two of his gloved fingers. He forgot to turn off his voice changer.

“Do you think they're going at it?” Ethan's head turned to look at you, arms folded across his stomach. His chest rose and fell softly with each breath, the Christmas lights that took you half an hour to untangle and install in Quinn's car hitting his face directly.

You knew he was cold— you could tell. But he wasn't saying it out loud. You felt guilty. He told you to bring thicker blankets, but you completely forgot with how much your best friend kept rambling about her new boyfriend while you packed for your road trip.

Your forehead wrinkled as you munched on a Skittle, nodding emphatically “Is that even a question? Definitely.”

Ethan reached for a handful of candy from the bowl in your hands, propping himself on an elbow. “You think? I thought they only came here because he wanted to know the woods.”

You rolled your eyes, his expression curious as he chewed. “You know Quinn.”

“But I don't know the guy.”

“He's probably a jock who just wants sex, Eth. They all are. and Quinn is…” You squinted, searching for words. “Quinn.”

“Don't call her that.” He protested, pausing mid-movement to glare at you.

“Don't look at me like that.” You retorted, bringing the bowl to your chest to protect it from him. Ethan stared at you through his long eyelashes, apathetic. You let out a groan when he reached out to grab something behind you, his chest inadvertently ending up above your legs. “Personal space, mister.”

“I just want my water…” He grumbled under his breath, the two of you sharing a menacing look after he sat up straight again.

“She's my best friend. I know her more than you do.”

“Is that so?” He twisted the cap open, challenging you. “How?”

“You're like… okay, let's put it this way. You're family.” The way he rolled his eyes made you crack a smile. He looked adorable with his tousled, curly hair imprinted by the pillow. The two of you had woken up from a two-hour nap just about ten minutes ago, and you were a sucker for freshly awake, moody Ethan. “Would she tell your dad what she did last night with a guy she found at a party? No. You're the younger sibling, it's the same principle.”

“She tells me things.” He sounded almost offended, suddenly forgetting he was about to take a sip of his water.

“Yeah, PG-rated things.”

“I'm eighteen.”

“And? Wait til you're 21 to brag about your age.”

He shook his head slightly, wiping his mouth with his wrist. “You're not even 21 yet.”

“Do you see me flexing about my age? No.”

Ethan let out a sigh, probably tired of your shit already and grabbed his pillow, laying his head down on it again. You felt your face fall as your features softened. Maybe you were a little too harsh on him. You stared, because he was probably the most beautiful guy you'd met. The dark circles under his eyes were noticeable, pale skin almost translucent.

He was worried, and him being worried made you worried, so… that was inconvenient. Richie left Modesto with Sam the day before, and while you trusted him to man the fuck up and make things go as planned, Ethan didn't.

“He's gonna be alright, Eth.” You reassured him.

“Why did we come here?” He mumbled, your heart twinging at his small sniff of him. You should've brought the extra blankets…

You delicately caressed his cheek, his eyes surrendering to your apologetic touch. You felt more confident in fondling his skin and feeling the warmth beneath your fingertips. If you could just… Your thumb brushed over his lower lip before you leaned in, pressing a kiss to his soft forehead.

“Quinn's supposed to be with me, so I can't be home or your dad will suspect she lied. And as for you…” You paused, and Ethan's lips began to twitch into a wide smile, eliciting a chuckle from you. “Consider it a favor, you never go out.”

“Oh, yeah?” He teased, his eyes lazily opening. “That's sweet.”

“Never sweeter than you, baby girl.” You caressed his lower lip, his eyes rolling as he pushed your hand away. “You're mean to me.” You showed him a pout, and he just shook his head.

“Deal with it.”

You tugged at his blanket to discover part of his chest, getting a frown you completely ignored when you turned around, showing him your back. Quinn was a few cars away from you, but far enough so you couldn't hear or know what was going in there.

You almost winced. Not like you wanted to know. Apparently this was a popular place for people to come and hook up. You were just closing your eyes and hoping you wouldn't hear anything. Even finding a racoon would probably be better than that shit.

"It would probably be uncomfortable." Ethan mused after a while, and you got on your side to frown at him.

"Are we still discussing this?" Your smile immediately faded at his raised eyebrows. "Uhm— It's cold, they'd freeze."

"Not big enough to move."

"What if a fox saw the lights and started scratching the door in the middle of it?" Ethan frowned before the two of you chuckled. At least you were making him laugh now. You were a bad friend.

"If there's not a blanket under them, it'll hurt their backs." You didn't give it much thought before nodding in agreement, eyes slowly drifting downwards to look at the blanket beneath the two of you. The idea that popped up in your head scared you. He was telling you this because… Lifting your chin again, Ethan's gaze met yours, and next thing you knew, he leaned in, kissing you.

You immediately wrapped your arms around his neck, your hands finding his hair and playing with it while he stretched his arm to grab his pillow. His arms wrapped around your waist to have support of your body and lay your head on the pillow, your back pressing against the fuzzy blanket. His thighs straddled your legs. “Is this okay?” He breathed out, looking down at you, but he didn't seem to have any intention of stopping.

You answered by firmly pressing your lips onto his again. Ethan grunted into the kiss, returning it like his life depended on it. His body was so soft and comfortable against yours, you barely felt any pain when he grabbed both your wrists and pinned them above your head with one hand, but it was still uncomfortable. “Eth, my hair…” He stopped, noticing his arms pressing down on your hair.

“Shit, I'm sorry.” He quickly apologized, eyes darting from your lips to your eyes. “Are you alright?”

“I'll be if you keep going.” He nodded, obeying. Your thoughts weren't the clearest thing at the moment. You wanted this so much and you had been wanting it for a long time, the feeling was similar to being high. Even better. This was it. You had him. He had you. You lost yourself in all the caressing, mind clouding with the feeling of him, the touch of his fingertips on your neck and his big hand wrapping around your susceptible throat as he kissed you.

His body weight on yours was taking the air out of your lungs, but the feeling of being helpless only helped increase the violent hammering of your heart inside your ribcage. You adored him. Every single inch of him. You were panting, the heat all the pillows and blankets around the two of you were providing making you sweat badly.

You helped him pull his black hoodie over his head, his bare arms squeezing you against him immediately after. "I'll take care of you, okay? Just relax." He kissed the corner of your mouth, lips trailing down to press gentle kisses onto your neck. You threw your head back, Quinn's pink knit sweater just lying there in the driver's seat, making your mouth go dry.

Why did she leave it there? As a reminder? A reminder that the two of you shouldn't be doing anything weird because you were just friends? Because the person who was kissing your neck right now was your best friend's younger brother? No, you were just being paranoid. That was straight up fucking schizophrenic.

"You're not letting me lay you down." He uttered in a low, guttural tone. You glared at his words.

"Because I'm comfortable like this."

"With your elbows flexing like that?" He withdrew his mouth from your neck, staring up at you, out of breath. "Really?"

"Are you mad at me right now?" You inquired. Ethan looked away before starting to get up. "Can you please not—"

"No."

"What did I do!?"

"Nothing," he snarled. You sighed as he offered his hands to help you up. Taking them, you brought your legs to your chest awkwardly. It was clear he wanted answers with how he stared at you, and he knew you too well to lie to him. "What's wrong?"

"It doesn't... feel right." You choked out, glaring up at his face, and wishing he would understand. Ethan looked taken aback but quickly recovered.

"This doesn't feel right?"

"Yeah."

"Is it because of me?" He asked, and the look you gave him was offended.

"No, of course not. But you're Quinn's—"

"Brother, yeah. She doesn't care." His eyes narrowed. Was he fucking mocking you right now?

"How do you know?"

"It's Quinn."

"Don't be saying that about my best friend.”

Ethan's jaw clenched, it took him a moment to collect himself before he looked away from your face, exhaling the breath he was holding. “Alright.”

“Alright.” You agreed.

The two of you fell silent, focusing anywhere else that wasn't each other. Ethan fidgeted with the blanket, eyes on your phone laying next to the candy bowl. You stared at the rings wrapped around your fingers, chewing on your lip. You had to get up— you knew that. One of the two of you would eventually have to.

This was the smartest decision, and yet you felt empty. Like you had just closed the door that led to the single thing you had dreamt about for years but weren't able to get. It was alright, you tried to tell yourself. You had a friendship to keep. A great one.

Ethan knew the good and bad parts of you. He had seen you at your lowest, and he still stayed. Why? Because he was your friend. Your best friend. The one boy you had shared everything with. But if that was true, then why was there a difference in what you felt toward Richie and Ethan? Richie was your friend, and Ethan was... something more.

Your chest caved and squeezed your heart as you sighed. The little sound caught the brunet’s attention, prompting you to look up at his zealous face too. It took two seconds of eye contact for the two of you to start making out. Again. You rolled on the blanket a few times, almost dislodging the Christmas lights with how much the two of you were moving. You were on top when Ethan pushed your shoulders, his face scrunched up.

“This is wrong.”

You breathed heavily, confused. “What? Why?”

“I should be taking you to a hotel.” His grip on your shirt tightened, but he looked more mad at himself than at you as he tried to catch his breath. “For starters.”

“Oh my god, Ethan! Why would you—”

“Listen to me.” He demanded. His hands slid from your waist to your cheek, cupping your face in his hands. “We don't even have—”

“I'm on the pill.” You spoke over him. He paused, but he didn't look phased at all.

“That's only 87% effective.” Ethan's lips twitched, displeased, confusing you.

“How do you know that?”

He shook his head, delicately tucking away strands of your hair. “I wanted to be informed when this happened.”

“You were waiting for this to happen!?” The red creeping up to his face made you know you probably came off more panicked than you intended to. Shit.

“Weren't you?” He tried to play it off miserably. You moved away from on top of him, looking around for your missing shirt desperately.

“No. I was just praying every day it wouldn't.”

“Does that mean you—” He hesitated as he swallowed, sitting up. His eyes never left your face, looking vulnerable. Those angel eyes looked so fucking vulnerable you just wanted to hug him. But wasn't this an argument? You had to make up your mind. You found your shirt, but you didn't even care anymore. “Is this a one night stand? I mean— Are we doing this just because we feel like It, or is this your way to say you love me back?”

A shiver ran down your spine at his words. Fuck, no… “Put your hoodie on.” You groaned, and Ethan looked away from you frustratedly

The only reason you weren't answering him was because you were scared. This wasn't supposed to happen, at least not that soon…

“I do love you, Ethan.” The words just slipped out of your lips, surprising both of you. He raised his head, making sure you weren't joking. “And I don't want to break your heart.”

“You will if we keep living like this.” He admitted. “What's stopping you?”

You tried to not look down, you really did, but you were too much of a coward to not start playing with your rings. “Honestly? It's too messy. I don't want things to get weird with Quinn—”

“She doesn't care, Y/N.” He interjected, and you closed your eyes in frustration. That's what he always said, but you couldn't know for sure. You didn't want to find out. “If anything, I think she would be happy you chose someone she approves of.”

“I'm gonna fuck up my relationship with Quinn if this goes wrong…” You rubbed your temples, but looked up at the silence coming from him. He looked tense, like he was about to burst out the car and murder the first person he saw. You moved away slightly, contemplating.

You'd go to hell if you admitted out loud you found that attitude of his… enticing. He let out a breath when he saw you crawling towards him. His arms snaked around you, holding you close and lifting you slightly to move you onto his lap. “Don't be mad.”

“I'm not.” He crooned, you winced slightly as his nose pressed into the curve of your bare neck, next to your bra strap. He took in a deep breath.

“Sure.” You gripped the back of his black tank top, trying to relax. “You'll be wrinkled all over by the time you're 40 if you keep frowning.”

“I'm not mad at you, Y/N.” He repeated, he looked honest as his watery eyes met yours. Why did he look like he wanted to cry?

“And that's it?” You questioned. “I'm supposed to calm down because you told me it'd be okay?”

“Am I lying? Quinn's gonna be happy for us, I know that. But if you don't feel ready… then we can hide it.” He nodded solemnly, you raised an eyebrow.

“So, what? Am I like your lover now?”

“No.” He cringed, you let out a chuckle as he stopped caressing you. “That's not what I meant— We can just stay low for now. Not tell anyone about us.”

He waited, and after a moment of pondering, you sighed. You just had to look for the right moment to tell Quinn. You'd be more prepared by then. “Okay.”

Ethan's lips parted, curls wiggling as he nodded. You didn't know why he was like this, but you had to calm him down. You always had to. Ethan was aggressive, that was obvious. But he also used to be so sensitive.

“It's alright, Eth. It's alright…” You grabbed his face, staring at his big expressive eyes before pressing your mouth on his tenderly. Ethan muttered a "thank you" before slowly burying his face into your neck again. You felt his soft eyelashes against your skin as he closed his eyes, arms squeezing your waist.

[lindszeppelin]

Smooth Pretender

Pairing: Austin Butler x Fem!Reader

Prompt: You and Austin can't keep your hands off each other at a very important awards show, and you risk it all to quench the insatiable sexual appetite.

Word Count: 9.6k

Warnings: swearing, semi public sex / touching in the company of people, (would this be considered exposition? Lol genuinely wondering), fingering (f. receiving), SMUT; oral (f. receiving), p in v sex. and obvs...baz being adorable to austin lol

Los Angeles, California; 8:00am

The faint chimes of your phone's alarm clock looped in a sweet sing-song, rousing you from your deep slumber. You groaned, annoyed that your sleep deprived body had to be jostled back to the land of the living. No matter how hard you passed out, jet lag drained you of every human function - rendering you like a zombie with a groggy morning voice and a dull pounding at your temples. If today wasn't such a special occasion, you would have the right mind to throw your phone clear across the room and snooze until noon. But it wasn't every day that you get to go to a glamorous award ceremony with your talented boyfriend, who was a nominee and up for the accolades.

Austin was always busy with work. He had a few films he was dutifully working on. His latest project took him to Ohio to shoot a film, and you barely got to see him. Especially because every other weekend he had to fly to California as awards season is ramping up in speed. His role as Elvis Presley in the Baz Luhrmann picture has him sweeping the competition, everyone is pretty positive he's gonna win the prestigious Oscar. Austin on the other hand, isn't so sure. He's keeping his feet on solid ground. But while he's in the running for his awards, he's being pulled back and forth across the continent to do Q&As and give interviews. While it's been wonderful to see your man get the recognition you know he so ardently deserves, you'd be kidding yourself if you said you didn't miss him. You've barely had a chance to see each other properly in months. But today was different.

With the wrapping for The Bikeriders completed, he had to fly right back to California and be at the awards ceremony tonight. You were so excited when he facetimed you saying he had purchased a one way plane ticket for you to California so you could be his date to the ceremony. Finally, you were going to see Austin and support him on this very important day. But you were scared shitless at the same time. This would be your first time going to an extremely photographed and high profile public event with Austin. Since you knew how the general public could be, you didn't want anything you accidentally did or said to be taken out of context. So you knew you had to be presentable and be on your best behavior - as anything mildly negative could reflect poorly on not only you but on Austin. And any bad press at such a serious juncture was not what was needed.

Your eyes slowly blinked open. The Egyptian cotton sheets felt like heaven on earth to your naked body as you writhed on the bed, rolling over on your front and burying your face in the silk pillows. Not even bothering to look, your hand nearest the bedside table fumbles absentmindedly for your phone, putting it on silent. Fine, I guess I better get up.

You huffed, shifting in your hotel king sized bed, and realizing pretty quickly that the warmth of Austin's naked body wasn't laying next to you. Furrowing your brows, you rolled over to the other side of the bed and felt out with your hand - emptiness. Damn, Austin must have woken up much earlier than you to get a few things done before the ceremony. His PR team always had him going to some kind of interview, or round table event - more campaigning for his Oscar. Waking up in bed alone in your hotel room in LA bright and early wasn't exactly how you wanted your day to go. But you learned that being with Austin meant you had to forego any and all expectations of what a normal relationship would be like, and that was okay with you. You both enriched each other's lives and would be in despair without each other.

You swung your legs over the edge of the bed and stretched your aching limbs, shaking away the pins and needles from your arms before padding barefoot on the expensive carpet to the bathroom.

As the day wore on, you still saw no signs of Austin. You imagined that you two would be getting ready in the hotel room together with the entourage of stylists, hair dressers, and makeup artists primping you two up as the hottest couple of the season. But nope, you were still alone aside from any room service men you called to place an order for breakfast, which was a few hours ago.

You sat on the bed, watching something mindless on the tv when suddenly you heard a knock at the door. Your heart raced in your chest. Finally, maybe now was the time you'd have to get ready to endure hours of hair pinning and makeup brushes stamping your eyes and face with makeup. And as you predicted, when you opened the door an entire entourage walked right passed you in a frenzy with their work bags in tow. The hairstylist set down her foldout chair for you to sit in and got to the task of setting up all her hot tools, hair pins, and clips out on the large bathroom vanity table. The makeup artist worked around the hairdresser, setting up her own makeshift spread on the other side of you. It was overwhelming seeing all the different shades of lipstick, blush, eyeshadow, and various pairs of wispy false lashes all placed neatly in a tidy row. With the unfurling of her makeup brush case, and the hairstylist brushing out your hair free of knots, the process of making you drab to fab was about to begin. And your stomach was doing horrific summersaults.

You weren't sure how much time had passed since you started getting dolled up, but you were getting antsy to see how you looked in the full length mirror out in the foyer. The stylist and the makeup artist were nice enough thankfully, making small talk with you and settling your nerves as they asked about your day and how you felt about the upcoming ceremony. They asked you how you envisioned yourself out on the red carpet, and they took your ideas but gave a professional spin on it - doing a much better job than you probably could with your own makeup and hair tools. You were grateful for the help.

Sometime in the middle of getting done up, you heard another knock at the door, and the makeup artist rushed to open the door, ushering in a team of 3 stylists carrying a long dry-cleaning bag on a hanger with your dress inside it. Austin's personal stylist had given you a suggestion of three dresses to pick from that she had in her arsenal that was your size, given maybe a stitch or two in quick alterations. When you saw the pictures she had sent you of a gorgeous bright red floor length dress with a thigh-high slit, deep v-neck, and low back you knew right away this was your dress. It was gorgeous but it wasn't over the top.

Finally after some final last minute touches, your face and hair were set. The stylists led you to the mirror so you could get a look at yourself, and you nearly fell to the floor. Your hair was curled to perfection with delicate tendrils of your long hair falling over your shoulder. And your had a sultry, fox eye makeup look with winged liner, wispy lashes, and a bold red lip to compliment the dress. Damn, you just know Austin is gonna drop to his knees when he sees you in this. But you're not done yet. The last thing you needed was to slip into your dress and nude heels, and then you were complete.

And here you were, looking like you stepped out of a painting. The gaggle of stylists had packed up their things and left the room once their job was complete, leaving you alone to your own devices and chasing the butterflies in your stomach as the clock neared go-time. You were standing by the vast, expansive floor to ceiling windows of your hotel room, looking down at the LA horizon. All the cars down in traffic looked like mere specs on the glass. But it looked beautiful with the golden sun peaking through the clouds. You were so lost in through, trying to quell your nerves, that you didn't register the slotting of the key card and the familiar thudding steps that got louder until they stopped in their tracks.

"My god, you look like a vision." Said Austin longingly, as if his breath was taken away from him the moment he set eyes on you.

The familiar timbre of your man's voice sent a warm shiver down your spine. You turned around slowly, gathering the fabric of your dress and swinging it around so you don't trip. Finally you were face to face with the one person in the world that you'd move mountains for, who's arms that yearned to be around your naked waist this morning were sorely missed - and as he drank in the sight of you, you nearly lost your balance as you were struck with the most handsome man you've ever met in your life. How lucky you were, you thought, to be by his side. All of those sleepless nights curled up in the fetal position wearing his shirt that lingered with his sweet cologne while he was on the other side of the country made those moments worth it. It was in the thousand mile stare, the quivering lip, the hand over the heart, and crystalline orbs that hold every ounce of love for you that reminded you right now of why you chose Austin Butler as the man to spend the rest of eternity with.

And damn did he ever look fine. He's in a bolero jacket phase and you hope he never stops wearing them. The cropped length accentuates his devastatingly long legs. All donned in black, he looks tailor made and strikingly good looking - especially in his newfound facial hair that leaves you compressing your thighs tight to skive off the rush of arousal pooling in your barely-there panties.

You absentmindedly brushed some flyaway hairs from your forehead. Your blood red lips form the most softest of smiles that's reminiscent of old Hollywood glamor. "You look not so bad yourself, handsome." You purr.

Austin's pearly whites blinded you, his moustache prickling the sides of his plush mouth as he puts on the biggest of grins. "Do a twirl for me baby, please. I wanna see the whole thing." He says softly.

You oblige him. The slit of your dress exposes your leg, giving him a flash of your thigh and your foot slipped perfectly into sexy heels that define the muscles of your calves. You purse your lips, not taking your sultry eyes off Auston for even a second. You want to see how every part of him reacts, so you tease him just a little bit. You toss some of your hair behind your shoulder as you slowly turn around on your heels, revealing the low back of the dress. The breath hitches in Austin's throat as his wandering eye makes note of how the silky fabric clings to your round ass he loves so much, and exposes just enough skin to know that when he poses for pictures with you later his hand will make contact with your flesh. That thought alone drives him wild already.

You turn back around and face him fully, letting him get a good look at the plunging neckline that reveals your perky breasts. The thin straps of the expensive dress sits prettily on your collarbones.

"What do you think, Aus?" You ask coyly. You fluff your flirty lashes at him, knowing you've definitely got him under a spell.

Austin gulps, all of a sudden feeling hot under the collar. He can't just stand there gawking any longer. He has to be closer to you. The heel of his italian leather boots click on the floor as he makes his dissent. "I think if we weren't forced to go to this award ceremony tonight I would rip this pretty dress right off your body and make sweet, passionate love to you until sunrise." He said boldly, now all of a sudden right up in your personal space.

His forehead was touching yours, his button nose brushing the tip of yours as he ghosts his plush, wanton mouth over yours. He knows better than to plant one right on you, the lipstick would come right off and get you both messy, ruining the hard work of the makeup artist. But fuck, does he so badly want to collide his eager lips with yours and have his tongue explore every wonderful inch of your mouth - leaving you both gasping for air.

The fact that you can't have him right now kills you. How the hell are you gonna manage tonight? You have no idea, but you hope the ceremony is short so you can make it back here in record time.

There's a glimmer of sparkling embers igniting behind Austin's blue eyes as he seemingly stares into your soul. To him, you're the most beautiful woman he's ever seen. He could break you in half with his cock or wrap you up in a protective embrace, cradling you like a priceless china doll in his arms.

Austin's long fingers brush gently across your rouged cheeks, and pull some of your hair back behind your ear. You can tell this one little maneuver has you blushing hard, the heat of your skin could melt this makeup right off your face and land into goopy pool at your feet. His other hand glides effortlessly over your waist, gently grasping your flesh and guiding you into his body. You suddenly feel dizzy as you take in the feel of Austin flush against your curves. Instinctively, your dainty fingers make their way into the inviting open neckline of his jacket, most of his toned chest on display. His curly blonde chest hairs invite you to play with them, and you do as you gaze into the man standing before you.

He hums as he meanders on the thought of smearing your lipstick, his eyes flickering seductively between your lips inching closer to him and your doe-like orbs. "But showing you off to the entire world as my gorgeous girl is also a good option." He breathily chuckles. You can practically taste the mint of his toothpaste as his breath pillows against your mouth. Before he pulls away from your needy mouth, he lets the rough hairs of his beard tickle you in just the right way to make you weak in the knees. Oh, what you would kill to have that beard of his tickle another place on your body yearning for his touch. Not now, but most certainly later.

It's all a vast whirlwind of mass hysteria swirling around you when you arrived on the red carpet. You swear on your life you've never seen so many grown adults foaming at the mouth just for one or two pictures of passing celebrities. And all of them do stop for these pictures, looking prim and properly dressed with dazzling smiles and sexy smolders. Austin has mastered the art of seducing through the camera lens. He calls it his "Zoolander" moment, aka pulling out the famed blue steel and melting the lens with his animalistic prowess that even he never knew he could muster.

When you first set foot on the carpet, your nerves were on full blast. Fans were behind black velvet ropes with iphones in hand, hoping for the chance of getting a picture with their idol. Austin was always by your side, his large hand entwined in yours. You felt safe and secure in his grasp - like no matter what happened, you knew Austin would be there to catch you. It was really cute seeing Austin pause for a few moments to take some pictures with fans who were calling out his name. He just couldn't help himself. He always had to oblige someone who admired his work. It's like he was having all of these "pinch me" moments right before your eyes, and you were witness to the blossoming of Austin Butler.

He stole the show. And with you on his arm, you could feel a few eyes on you too. After all, this was your first public appearance being seen with Austin in a major way. While the occasional paparazzi shots from diner dates, or nice walks in the park at home was something you got used to with time, this was an different animal entirely.

The further down the red carpet you went you felt like you were in Oz, traveling down the yellowbrick road into madness. All around you were famous movie stars, directors, screenwriters, models, and other important people dressed in clothes you knew were so expensive you'd probably lose your mind if you saw the price tag. And here you were, a run of the mill girl from small town beginnings with your boyfriend Austin Butler. To say it was surreal was an understatement.

You gripped Austin's hand a little tighter when you noticed that you were both making your way to a photo-op specifically for high profile guests to get their pictures snapped by about 20 zealous photographers for magazines. The thought of the whole world seeing all of your imperfections in 4K made you sweat uncomfortably. Austin could feel you trembling on his arm, and he looked down at you with a concerned furrow of his brow.

Austin placed his free hand over yours, stroking you lovingly. "Baby, it's gonna be okay. Just breathe." He said in a whisper against the shell of your ear, so only you were privy to what he was saying. He's all too aware that there could be wandering eyes and he didn't want to draw anymore unwarranted attention to your anxiety, making you uncomfortable.

Your frightened eyes glanced up at him. "What if something happens? Like, the photographers yell at me or I get booed? Is that even a possibility?" You ask in a frenzy.

Austin's lip tweaked into a slight smile, admittedly finding your nervousness a little adorable. "No one is gonna boo you. And if they do, they'll deal with me. And they won't like me when i'm angry." He said playfully with a slight growl at the end of his words.

His humor cuts through the trepidation like a knife, making you smile. Your eyes melt when you catch his fixed gaze upon you, his blues sucking you in and making you forget about everyone around you except for him. "I can see the headlines now. 'Austin Butler punches the lights out of boisterous photographer. Still wins award for Best Actor'.". You joke.

Austin scrunches his nose and throws his head back, laughing adorably. Out of your peripheral in this moment you see the bright flash of a camera illuminating both you and Austin. A photographer definitely snapped that candid moment of you two laughing together. You're sure when that picture makes it on to the internet that people are gonna be wondering what you said to make the man of the hour laugh so hard. If only they knew.

It was your turn now to stand on the red carpet and get your professional pictures taken with Austin. Even though you cringe at the thought, it reminds you of high school prom. But this time, you're not linking arms with some acne-faced teen and a dress you picked out last minute from some local department store with a cheesy smile plastered on both your faces. This was the moment you knew the internet at large would never let you live down. It would either go over swimmingly, or it would be a disaster. But you hoped for something in the middle to better your chances of succeeding.

Austin led you over to a spot on the ground with a large X, indicating where exactly you stand so all the photographers can have their best shot. Immediately all you could hear was a litany of men and women with cameras strapped to their necks shouting Austin's name, begging him to look at them for a picture. But Austin wouldn't give into their pleas so easily. He was laser focused on you.

As you got into position like you practiced - standing to Austin's side with one hand behind his back and your front leg pointedly posed to show off your best assets, you could feel Austin ogling down at you, and only you.

While the photographers were getting rowdy, at this point begging your man to look up into their cameras, he was transfixed on how beautiful you were nestled warmly into his side. You trailed your eye up his lean body, landing on his baby blues that were like tidal waves lapping against your body. His cup overflows with complete adoration of you, and he feels like the luckiest man to get to be with you. Austin proudly smiles down at you, never once daring to give the eager photographers what they want. This is about you and him. No one else.

You could feel your heart racing wildly in your chest as you lingered on his hypnotizing gaze. The blinding flashes of cameras snapping was going on in front of you, but in this moment you didn't care what you looked like or what was going on around you. All that mattered was the man holding you close to his side, displaying you off in a light show of dominance to everybody that you're his and he is yours.

His lips parted, and time seemed to slow down when you caught him leaning down close to you. While he resisted his urges back in the hotel room to kiss you, he wasn't going to now. It felt like the right moment, and he was gonna seize the opportunity. He just wanted to have a genuine moment of shared intimacy with his woman. And you let him finally caress his velvet, all encompassing lips onto yours for the first time in what seems like forever.

As he let his hand dance over the searing skin of your exposed back, the other one cupped your face tenderly. His hands are so large that it feels like your entire head can fit perfectly in his palm. It leaves you trembling, and yearning more of him. For a few moments, you bask in the sweet kiss. And you whimper against him, totally forgetting your surroundings and not caring who can see the PDA. Austin's moustache faintly whispers over your top lip, and he too moans softly as his mouth works against yours in a tasteful display of affection.

Little do you know that the photographers are eating this up like it's the best thing they're ever gonna get for their magazines. It's a fury of hollers and cheers from other celebrities who see the whole thing going down on the carpet, egging you both on. They probably assume that this was purely a show for the cameras, but they applaud you all the same.

Austin's thumb grazes over your cheekbone, and with a wet pop his lips were gone from yours. You both slowly open your eyes and stare into each other's souls. You giggle a little when you notice a pink flush creeping up on Austin's tan skin, demure once again in his usual modality. And luckily not a lot of your lipstick transferred over to him. Whatever little stain it did leave behind, he licked his lips and rubbed them together, deciding he was gonna proudly display your lipstick residue on his mouth - all the more reason to let every single person at the ceremony know who he belonged to.

Not long after the exuberant display you and Austin made to the cameras on the carpet, you both made small talk as you made your way inside the venue. It was dimly lit, but there were glass chandeliers hanging from each ornately made up table. It looked so regal, and yet again you felt out of place. Like, should you really be here? Did you belong here? But with Austin by your side, he made you feel like you could walk on water and you'd believed it. So for the time being, you let the nagging thoughts leave your mind and allow yourself to just be present.

With your hand in his, Austin led you to the Elvis table where you saw a few familiar faces. His movement coach Polly Bennet was there, the fantastic fashion designer Catherine Martin looked sensational in one of her own creations, and of course the wonderful Baz Lurhman looked dashing as ever as he greeted you both warmly with smiles and a hug.

As Austin pulled out your chair for you to sit down, ever the gentleman, Baz perked up. "I thought I heard all that commotion going on out there. Word got around quick that you two were making quite a scandalous scene on the carpet. Do tell." He said a little tipsy already with his champagne flute sitting daintily in his hand. He wiggled his fluffy white brows and narrowed his dark brown eyes as he dramatically took a sip of the bubbly.

You blushed all over again, this time from embarrassment. And you heard Austin laugh nervously from behind you, making sure you were settled in your seat before he sat down next to you. "What good will words do when you can see it for yourself in the papers tomorrow?" Austin quipped teasingly.

Baz snickered. "Oh, young love. Ain't it just the best." He said in a wistful dreamy tone, leaning back in his chair, admiring the pair of you before him as if you were a young romeo and juliet.

Austin smiled at you, interlacing his hand with yours and kissing your knuckles sweetly. "You damn sure are right about that, Baz.". Well shit, you blushed all over again. You thank god it looked like the most darkly lit Hollister store right now in this venue, because you were sure you looked beat red.

Baz sipped more on his champagne, eyeing the two of you just a tad bit longer than maybe one should. But he was looking on in almost a proud fatherly way. Austin was happy, and it was obvious. And that meant the world to him. Not just because Austin was the star of his film. No, it was because he and Austin formed a special bond on set that can never be broken. Austin's likeness and talent doesn't come around all that often. Maybe once in a blue moon. And seeing Austin happily settled in the romance department made him sigh a breath of relief, as he knows the man deserves it. Baz put one of his arms behind the chair of his beautiful wife Catherine, and allowed the love radiate over the table.

As time drew on, dinner was served at the tables. You were used to being wined and dined by Austin. Money is no object for you, and he loves to pamper his girl. Sometimes you want to retch at the 3 or 4 digit totals of the bills you two have shared together, but he insists on splurging for you. He dutifully saves his money so he can have the means of treating you like he believes you should be.

This time, you were thankful Austin didn't have to reach into his pocket to pay for dinner. It was a nice spread, and occasionally you would both pick at each other's plates, or feed each other heaping forkfuls into the other's mouth like a newly married couple. No one really batted an eyelash at you and Austin being sickeningly sweet at the table, and if they did they kept their mouth shut letting you both enjoy this magical evening of pure delights.

One thing remained constant the entire evening - Austin's hand never left your thigh. And he chose his seat wisely, knowing that you cross your leg on the side where the slit hangs off your thigh. While no one can even notice he has his hand on your exposed leg, you two certainly know what's going on. With his hand under the tablecloth, out of eyesight, sometimes you could feel his calloused fingertips painting lazy circles on your flesh. Maybe every so often he would toy with the fabric of your dress, rubbing the silky material between the pads of his fingers. Other times, he would push the fabric to the side, letting it fall even further up your thigh, and tracing featherlight touches on the newly revealed skin.

Some of this he was was doing almost as a subconscious tick, not even aware that his hand was on autopilot. But other times it was deliberate, and you both knew it. He tried to get away with just how much he could show off your tantalizing skin, and how close he could get to your heat without daring to directly go there. It was the best kind of torture. Especially after that longing, dreamy kiss you shared with him on the carpet. You wanted nothing more than to get through all the awards and drag him back into an uber to a one way trip to your hotel bed. But since Austin was up for an award, you weren't going anywhere. You were glued to your seat for the next foreseeable few hours. This was gonna be hell.

Finally you were excited when the award ceremony actually got underway. One by one awards were being given out like hotcakes to happy winners, and long speeches were made in their wake. You'd be lying if you didn't find yourself zoning out for most of the event. It was getting a little tedious, and honestly all you cared about was Austin's nomination. It seemed like they were saving the best for last though, because after an hour of awards being passed out left and right, they were nowhere near the Best Actor category your man was nominated for.

But just as quickly as your brain was starting to tune out the world around you, there again you felt the familiar caress of Austin's fingers trailing up your thigh under the table. Your heartbeat jumped, your ears ringing the more it seemed like Austin wasn't stopping. He was walking his hand along his desired path right where you wanted him after all this teasing.

Hold on. Right here and now, though? In front of everybody? Maybe he's gonna stop just shy of your aching heat, leaving you wanting more. Surely you figured that he wasn't bold enough to do anything more than that. Right? No, seemingly not, you were mistaken.

All you could focus on now was his hand. You didn't even hear anything that was being said onstage or what was happening. You just kept a deadpan expression on your face as best you could as you zoned out, as to not alert anyone of the goings on under the table.

Austin brushed the fabric of the dress to the side and inched his hand up higher on your thigh. Giving the flesh a gentle squeeze, his hand snuck between your crossed legs, nudging them apart with barely any force. Slowly, you allowed yourself to uncross your legs. Your right knee touched Austin's as you settled into this new position. You could feel the heat radiating off of him in droves just from that one gentle graze of his black slacks against your bare leg. Already debased thoughts were swirling around in your brain. It was getting hard to concentrate on anything else but what may happen next. He was keeping you on your toes, and your body was willingly giving into him.

You wanted to see what he looked like right now, his hand fully committing to the task at hand, and under the cover of darkness. No one was the wiser. Slowly but surely his fingertips went high and higher under your dress until his pinky landed at the hem of your panties. You were frozen in your spot. Oh fuck, he's really gonna do this. There's not stopping him. He was gonna take what was his, and in front of the most famous people in Hollywood.

You swallowed thickly, awaiting for his next step. His pinky finger trembled slightly as it dared to trace your clothed slit up and down languidly. All of your senses were heightened so much that you could just barely register the gasp Austin emitted from his throat when he felt just how soaked through you were for him. Does he dare to go further? Yes, he does.

Not wanting to waste any more time, needing you right this very moment, he carefully grasps your ruined panties in between his fingers and shifts them to the side. A cool breeze hit your hot, aching pussy. You tried your best to stifle back the whimper that wanted to come out when you felt Austin's hand cup your slick mound, his long middle finger running circles over your entrance. He obscenely smears all of your juices that come gushing out of you and collects some of it on his fingers, letting the sticky wetness coat him good and proper.

Now you really wanted to take a look over at Austin and see if he was crumbling or not like you were. It was added torture that you couldn't give away the game by passing a glance back in his direction. He could feel how needy you were for his touch, how wet you were for him in front of all these important people. And that made him painfully hard.

He's the master at edging. And with his fingertips dripping with your heavenly nectar, he makes a beeline for your swollen clit. You couldn't help yourself, you let a little moan creak past your lips. The chair you sat on was enduring the mighty strength of your grip against it as you white knuckled the seat with one of your hands, trying to ground yourself.

Momentarily, Austin shut his eyes and faintly whimpered, the cracks of his facade shining through. He knew exactly how to touch you to have him writhing in pleasure. You just have to sit there, pretending like Austin isn't running deliberately slow circles around your throbbing clit, making you feel every single stroke of his masterful fingers as he toys with you like his own perfectly tuned musical instrument.

This game is too much to do alone. The longer he spins laps around your clit, the more soaked your seat beneath you becomes. This erotic power play is intoxicating for the both of you. What started off as innocent touches is now a full blown high speed chase for primal pleasure, no matter how public it is. Even if it were to somehow risk Austin's chances of winning his award tonight, it would be worth it to have his fingers forever tangled in your folds, smothered in your juices.

You can't take it anymore. You have to feel him. With your right hand you go under the table and slowly make your move to his manhood - but not before you tease him too. The moment your hand lands on his muscular thigh, you feel Austin's breath catch in his throat. He wasn't expecting this turn of events. But he's not pushing you away. He wants to see where this goes, and more so than ever he wants you to touch him just as badly.

Austin shivers under your hand as you walk your fingertips over his slacks. The pleats at his crotch yield way to the massive girth of his cock that strains underneath the luxe fabric. You breathe a sigh that's one of relief and pleasure when your hand comes into contact with his erection, at long last.

Poor Austin had to cough out loud and grab his glass of iced water on the table, pretending like he was overcome with a sudden coughing spell. But it was all a rouse to bite back the moan he did a bad job of concealing the second you squeezed his cock in your warm hand.

It was a sneaky game of chess now. You made your move, but you weren't prepared at all for the swiftness of the turn this would take when all of a sudden you felt Austin's fingers make their way down from your clit and plunge into your pussy. Your walls immediately clamp down around his index and middle fingers, knuckles deep inside you.

You felt like soon enough the chair you were sitting on would give way due to how strongly you had it in a vice grip. You pursed your lips together and breathed harshly out your nose during a moment in the ceremony when loud claps erupted after an arduous speech, skillfully hiding the feeble noises you were making.

You knew that you couldn't just unzip Austin's pants and whip his cock out under the table. That would be putting the two of you at a massive risk of obviously being caught. So you do what you can, and you wrap your hand around his throbbing clothed cock and start to jerk him off up and down under the table.

You can feel Austin suck in his stomach, holding back the urge to throw his head back and moan obscenely loud at how good you were stroking him. His good girl, his sweet innocent girl working his shaft to the entire Academy of Hollywood elites had him nearly cumming in his pants. And as his fingers plunged in an out of your soaking wet pussy, he could tell it was all too consuming for you too.

This wasn't enough. He needed more. You both craved the other. Screw the awards ceremony. While this was Austin's big moment, all that mattered to him was sinking his thick cock into his girls dripping wet pussy. He didn't think of it as a risk to undertake. It was a simple solution to a problem he created. But the trick was getting you both away from everyone and having his way with you.

As if fate was on both of your sides, the host of the ceremony announced a brief 15 minute intermission midway through the doling out of awards. Thank fucking god. It was now or never. The tables around you were bustling with new energy as people started to rise to their feet and stretch their limbs.

You let out a whine when Austin removed his fingers from your pussy, wanting nothing more than for him to be back in there. But as he wiped off your juices on the napkin on his opposite thigh and clutched onto your hand atop his cock, you knew that you were gonna get something even better than his fingers.

The brief but intense heated glare you both passed each other for the first time since this whole teasing game started was palpable. The tiny embers from when Austin saw you in the hotel for the first time to the rolling flames on the red carpet as he kissed you deeply in front of the cameras, to the insatiable burning inferno his stormy blues ricocheted into your lusty eyes said it all. 15 minutes was all you'd get with him, but it was enough to tide you both over.

Austin cleared his throat, swallowing the arousal that pooled in his throat. He leaned over to Baz and said, "We'll be back in a few. Don't wait up for us." With his best attempt to disguise the obvious sexual desire dripping from his vocal chords.

Baz eyed the both of you in a very dad-like manner. "Well, hurry back Aust. You don't wanna miss the announcement of your award. If you miss it i'll happily scamper up there to collect if on your behalf." He jabbed playfully.

Austin laughed, patting Baz on the back. He waited for the right moment when everyone at the Elvis table was looking elsewhere before taking you in his hand and rising from the table, albeit a little awkwardly and hunched over. His raging boner was making it almost impossible for him to stand up straight, but he thanked god that there was a little wiggle room and pleats at the front of the pants to hide any unfortunate fashion faux pas, like right now.

He let you lead the way, hiding his erection behind you from the view of possible eyes as you both walked hand in hand to your unknown destination.

While fucking Austin in a coat closet wasn't the ideal situation you'd hoped for, and it certainly wasn't on your bucket list, you made do with the best of the situation. The bathrooms would be too crowded, and not enough privacy. Who would be heading into the coat closet during the middle of the ceremony? Two horny lovers who can't get enough of each other, that's who.

As soon as he closed and locked the door to the large walk in closet, it was endgame. Like a lion going in for the attack, Austin rushes over to you with a few brisk steps and crashes his lips onto yours.

You both pass each other needy moans into each other's mouths, sucking and swirling in a messy collision of lips and tongues. Austin would be covered in lipstick marks by the end of this, but he didn't give a damn.

He backed you against the wall, fumbling hands clambering over every single bit of skin he could latch his fingers onto. And you found purchase in Austin's ashy blonde waves, tousling his coiffed hair his stylist spent a good amount of time getting just right. But you needed him closer. If you could melt with his soul in his moment you would.

Austin moaned heavy against your mouth before pulling away, gulping down air like it was going out of style. "I can't believe how wet you were for me out there." He heaved out, his lips attacking the sensitive flesh of your neck. You mewled and clung even more desperately for him.

"I can't believe how hard you were for me. You have no idea how badly I wanted to pull your cock out and make you cum in my hand." You breathed lustfully, sighing as Austin's mouth worked wonders on suckling the skin down your decolletage.

He whined haughtily. "You'd like that wouldn't you, baby? Milking my cock while they call out my name to get my award."

You moaned, wrapping the leg exposed by the slit of your dress hoist up around Austin's svelte waist, drawing him in. Austin takes the invitation and grabs hold of your thigh. The silver rings on his large dominating hand press into your skin, leaving red welts behind. Latching onto your leg, he brings you closer to his hard body, rocking his hips directly into your aching core.

You mewl, lolling your head to the side, earning Austin more access to nip and lick back up the column of your neck. "Maybe I would. At least everyone would know for sure that you were mine." You purr.

Austin darkly chuckles against the shell of your ear, grinding his erection firmer against your mound, which made you whimper softly. "Don't fret, my love, we made sure to remedy that on the carpet earlier. By tomorrow everyone will get to see the girl that captured my heart for life."

Face to face with Austin once again, he looked like a wild animal in heat with mad eyes, smeared rep lipstick, and his waves now unruly atop his head. With one hand still firmly holding your leg against his waist, the other one glided up your feminine curves, cupping your breast roughly in his line of fire, causing you to gasp.

His fingers wrapped around the front of your throat, applying just enough pressure to assert his dominance. "The entire world will finally know the pussy I sink my cock into at the start of every morning and end of every night." He growled huskily. His rumbling baritone permeated through to your very core, sending a homerun directly down into your clit.

You furrow your brows together and moan at this emboldened statement. As if you weren't already wet before, that made you gush out and ooze onto your ruined panties. The corners of Austin's lips curled devilishly into a coy grin. All the while he was still teasing you with grunts and thrusts of his strained cock against you. Seeing the effect he had over you made him high, better than any drug can do, and he could chase that feeling all day for the rest of his life.

"Austin, please." You plea in a whiny high pitched tone. Your deft fingers play with the curls at the nape of his neck, and you grind yourself as best you can against his length, stirring up the friction you desperately needed on your pussy. Austin sunk his pearly whites into his puffy bottom lip, getting off on everything about you. 15 minutes was barely enough time with his best girl, so he needed to stop playing like he had all the time in the world and get down to brass tax.

Not letting go of your leg, he swiftly sinks down to his knees, throwing your thigh onto his sturdy broad shoulder. He looks up at you through his long lashes, his blues swirling into a cacophony of love drunk ecstasy. "I know we don't have much time, but I wanna taste you. I need to have my tongue buried in your sweet pussy. Want your taste to linger on my palette to get me through the rest of the ceremony." He slurred hot and heavy.

You didn't even have time to respond before you looked down to Austin dragging your panties down your legs and pocketing them in his bolero jacket, repositing your leg over his shoulder. All you can do is mewl in response at his request. If it's one thing you love about Austin, besides his heart of gold, is his heavenly mouth that can bring you countless crippling earthshattering orgasms with a flick of his masterful tongue. Yeah, you needed this just as badly as he did.

In a flash, he let his tongue escape past his lips and lick one long broad determined stripe through your folds. You shuttered and squealed, immediately carding your hard through Austin's golden tendrils.

At first he explored you like the more he licked away at your pussy he would soon strike gold - the treasure of a lifetime. Your slick coated his tongue and lips, making it the easiest thing for him to slurp you up. By your own volition, your hips arched off the wall and started slowly rocking your pussy into his facial hair covered face.

He moaned against your wetness, his long tongue parting your folds with every deliberate swipe and lick.

"Fuck, Austin." You moaned breathlessly. His freehand dug into your waist, helping you along in humping his face as he buried his strong, wet muscle against your pussy. Dragging the tip of his tongue along your slit, he made his way up to your aching swollen clit. Giving your little bundle of nerves all the attention he could muster, he impressed upon you the swiftest and sloppiest flicks of his tongue as fast as he could manage.

He groaned against you, your arousal seeping into his mouth as he delivers an onslaught of licks and flicks of his tongue against your clit that leaves you shaking and clinging to his hair even harder.

"Oh yes! Just like that, baby, please." You scream, not caring who walks by and hears Austin going down on you. He devours your pussy like a man who's starving. As if he didn't just eat one of the fanciest meals of his life in the company of fellow high profile celebrity elites. But you're his favorite meal, by far.

The noises his mouth is making as he messily and eagerly slurps you up is borderline pornographic. He loves to make you wetter than a waterfall, and he savors the taste of your divine juices like they were tailor-made just for him. He could eat your pussy for hours, licking you until you go dumb with only the most base of urges left residing in your brain. And if tonight was a normal night, he would have you cum by his mouth. But the clock was against you both. He knew he didn't have the time to allocate to getting you to your first orgasm on his tongue, but he for damn sure knew he cock would do the job.

Parting from your clit, he swipes more fast and broad strokes of his tongue through your folds, sloppily, obscenely moaning deeply against your sopping cunt. You throw your head back and grind faster on his face.

"Mm. Aus, I-I need...I want to cum on your cock. Now." You moan desperately, savoring in the last few final salacious flicks of his tongue on your pussy before he pulls away from your core completely.

When he rises to his feet, he looks positively fucked out on your pussy. Noticing that his beard is fully drenched in your slick, making the hairs turn a darker blonde, you feel a wave of arousal drip down your thighs.

Austin captured your mouth in a deep and passionate kiss, one where you could taste yourself on his lips as he molded his mouth into yours. Still holding onto your one leg, his free hand gathers up the fabric of your red dress hastily, moving it out of his way to free up your other leg. He lightly smacks the back of your thigh, indicating that he wants you to jump up into his arms.

Taking his nonverbal que, you wrap your arms around his broad shoulders and wrap your other leg around his waist. He pulls away from your mouth with a wet pop, grunting hoarsely as he cradles you fully in his arms, pushing your back up against the wall with brute strength.

Time is of the essence, there's no dillydallying here. With you in the perfect position, Austin lets go of one of your legs and unzips his pants, pulling them down just enough to spring his leaking cock free from his trousers. Taking his erection in hand, he smears his pre-cum oozing from his puffy, red tip over your slippery folds, making you both sigh lustfully as you stare into each other's eyes.

He swallows the remnants of your juices in his mouth and pants. "You ready for me, baby?" He asks, still just as polite and taking into account your comfort even in the heat of the moment.

You nod your head. "Yes, please Austin. Don't make me wait for your cock anymore." You purr, nuzzling your nose against his.

That was all he needed to hear. No longer did those words leave your red lips that he aligned the tip of his cock with your weeping entrance, and slowly pushed through your constricting walls.

The guttural groan that erupted from Austin's throat made you even wetter, and inadvertently clenched around his hard cock at the same time, making him shiver. Feeling him inch his way through your wetness, filling you up to the brim made you want to scream out in pleasure. "Holy shit, Austin." You moaned high and raspy.

He bit his lip and whimpered. Now that he was all the way seated deep inside your pussy, he adjusted his hold on your body, gripping your hips with both his large hands.

Austin withdrew, leaving just the tip lingering inside you. And with full force, he snapped his hips in one fluid motion and his cock fully entered you again, causing you to groan at the feeling of being stretched yet again.

In a frenzy, Austin went to work on slamming his cock in an out of your wet pussy. Over and over his cock pushed deeper through your walls, somehow brushing against all of those hard to reach spots that no other man has ever managed to hit before you met Austin. The curve of his cock was just the perfect fit with your pussy - like it was designed for you.

Austin buried his head in the crook of your neck, fucking you into sweet oblivion. "So goddamn tight for me, baby." He moaned, his breath hot against your neck.

The sounds of your combined noises of love making and the slapping of skin on skin with the sloshing of your pussy juices echoed off of the expensive fur coats and barren wooden walls. Nothing else mattered except for the feeling of Austin's engorged cock getting heavy by the second as he plunged further and harder into your soft heat.

Your breasts jiggled through the neckline of your dress, the thin traps already fallen off your shoulders as Austin fucks his way through your pussy and straight to your soul. He grunts, and you writhe against him, at his mercy and unable to bounce yourself back down on his cock. He's in control, and you let him steer the ship.

The longer he massages his cock along your g-spot, leaving bruises on your cervix, your pussy aids him in slipping in and out of you at an easier and faster rate than ever before. Pretty soon, you're literally dripping onto the floor. In the back of your mind you hope you don't make a mess on Austin's expensive italian leather boots. You just know that by the sounds of it that he's absolutely murdering your pussy right now.

Your walls flutter around him and stroke his cock in such a way that has him buckling already. He can tell by the ramping up of your high pitched moans and your pussy clamping down on his cock that you're nearing the finish line. And you know he's close as well just by how his hips stutter as he sloppily fucks through your slick heat blanketing him from all angles.

It amazes you genuinely how quick he can get you there, but you feel your orgasm threaten to ripple through your body. But you don't want to cum solo. It's gonna be your mission to make him cum with you. This is afterall his special night, and you want him to revel in the moment of falling off the precipice into heavenly bliss with his woman before winning his award. You were already set on your finishing move.

As you pant and whine into Austin's ear, one of your hands yanks his head back perhaps a little too roughly. His face peels away from your neck, and you can see he's sweating bullets. The look in his eyes reads that he's nearing the most sensational orgasm he's had in a while. And you were gonna help him achieve that.

With your best sex kitten voice, you breath through his ragged thrusts as you look into Austin's baby blues. "I want you to fill me up with your cum. Make your load drip down my thighs in front of everybody. Mark me as yours." You pant needily, on the edge of the proverbial cliff just seconds away from diving head first into your orgasm.

This was enough to set Austin careening over the edge. His eyes widened, his brows knitted in concentration as he slammed you down onto his cock, groaning out loudly as he nears his climax.

"Fucking hell, i'm gonna..." He warned loudly, his lips ghosting yours.

"Me too." You muttered helplessly.

And with a few final hard, messy, juicy thrusts you both moan in pleasure at the same time. You feel Austin's cock throb hard inside of you, his cum spurting out in thick globs painting your walls. Just like you wanted, you have every single inch of your pussy drenched in his cum. And while he's shaking uncontrollably, moaning your name as he cums, your walls milks his orgasm so good that he's nearing on the brink of insanity. Your slick gushes out around him, earning you all of his gruff and sexy mewls of fantastic serenity pouring out of Austin's mouth one after the other.

"Goddamn, that's what im talking about, baby. Oh yes." He purrs thickly, letting his lips lazily graze yours in a barely there kiss. His cock is still buried to the hilt in your pussy, and his thrusts come to an eventual halt.

You breathlessly smile against his mouth. "That was everything."

Austin hums in agreement. You whine from the loss of him when he pulls out, his cock lobbing back heavy against his stomach. Gingerly, he places you back down on the ground as you unfurl your legs from his waist. You're wobbly on your heels and you clutch onto his strong forearms for support.

Once he see's your okay to stand as normal, he tucks his cock still coated in your combined orgasms back into his pants. That's a mess he'll deal with later. Plus, he'd rather know that he can have a physical reminder of you on both his cock and his tongue when he sits back down at the table.

After quickly adjusting your dress and your hair back to look somewhat presentable without a mirror present to double check you look okay, you lean up on your tiptoes to place one last tender kiss on Austin's lips. Luckily any lipstick that did transfer on his face isn't there anymore. So he's safe, and no one is still the wiser.

Austin sighs. "I think our 15 minutes in heaven is up." He laughs. "C'mon, let's get back out there."

Linking hands once again, you make sure to look both ways down the hall to check that the coast was clear before you both strolled back into the dining hall as if nothing happened.

And to no ones surprise, Austin swept the competition that night by securing the first of many well deserved awards. When he went up on stage to collect his trophy, he never once looked away from you - the girl that managed to capture his heart, mind, soul, and body. As he thanked you innocently on stage, he licked his lips. A gesture that to everyone else is seemingly normal, nothing to raise concerns over. But to you and him, it brought back vivid flashbacks to those 15 glorious minutes spent with him in that coat closet.

This was absolutely a night that you two would never forget.

@aconflagrationofmyown @harringrove-sketchbookpages @samfangirls @2lekk @moonchild-daniella @plasticfantasticl0ver @austinbutlersworld @unadulteratedkingdomzombie @sapphirescripts @ash-omalley @pearlparty @denised916 @cartooncoaster @flowersofcement @allittakesisoneflight @powerofelvis @purejasmine @austinbutlerinleather @allittakesisoneflight @madisonafangirl @sournatromanoff @denised916 @donnamarie23 @houseofcoquettes @pennyroyalcreep @austin-butler-library @lrd98 @fallinlovewithurlove @raspberry-coulis @bisexualwvtson @elvisstyles @mymamalife @oldermenluverrr @pennyroyalcreep @houseofcoquettes @flwrs4aust @auztin777 @sparklemichele @presleyobsessed @avengen @elvisabutler @blurredcolour @tacozebra051

@kendralavon7 @michellelv @comfortzonequeen @slowsweetlove @unstoppableminx @infatuatedjanes @oh-kurva @karamelcoveredolicity @mirandastuckinthe80s

[ghost-bard]

Something that kills me about q!Charlie is that he really wasn’t a good parent. At first.

It’s canon that he doesn’t come from a great household, and it’s obvious that he was trying.

He didn’t know how to parent, and the early days of Juanaflippa and Charlie were ROUGH to say the least!

And then he was getting better, there was a turning point in his parenting, for the better!

And then she died.

I wonder if part of the reason why Charlie has had such a visceral reaction to Flippa’s death (between trying to kill the other eggs, eggzile, just his general awful mental health and coping mechanisms), was because she was deprived from the life she deserved, the life Charlie and Mariana, after everything happened, after Charlie realized he wasn’t a good parent and was doing his best to become better and was on the way to that, were going to give her.

She was taken away, after everything, and now she will never get the life, the nice happy life, that she would have been given, that she deserved.

Charlie was mad at himself, for failing as a father (even if it wasnt his fault), and for not giving Juanaflippa the life she rightfully deserved.

[hey-i-am-trying]

So, as someone who was watching the stream and watches many of Roiers specifically, but is not Hispanic, first it was clear from when the admin logged on it was someone different than who had been (07) for almost a week. After a bit of the admin playing as a more solitary egg and more standoffish, they told roier to "leave them alone", then roier tried talking with them and explaining how things had been during the week (him trying to explain stuff lore and week events Roier & pepito had)

the admin then said, "You smell like ass too, you son of a bitch. No one asked you"

After Roier let the admin leave to do whatever, after spending at max 30 minutes together, he was clearly uncomfortable being called things, especially by someone he had had no interactions with. He did his own things for a little bit longer.

But afterwards, Aldo, who was watching, spoke about how it wasnt okay specifically. Many tripoiers were thinking Roier would scold chat the next stream, for speaking out against how this admin was acting, but he didnt just. And then later said that they day just wasnt canon anymore. So many believe, he personally reached out to the admin team or Q about it.

From what has been explained to me, by Hispanic friends and other fans, the main issue is that this was obviously said in an insulting manner to Roier, but even if they were trying to "rp" or jokingly say it this admin had 0 relationship with Roier prior to this. Saying these things out of nowhere is never okay and was not okay.

And saying the reason they acted this way was because they were sick and Roier spoke too fast, which aggravated the situation?

And their "apology"? " i never realized that it wasnt in rp that you were uncomfortable "? But they had been online seeing the things said about the situation?

Thank your for explaining! I was no aware it was this bad! It is not anyone else 's place to forgive the admin but Roier, so really I can't say much.

It was definetly rude, and while I will again say we can't make a judgement of a complete person for a moment, in my opinion Roier deserves a better apology.

I can't go inside the admin's mind and say for sure if they meant what they say in rp or not, because I had in the past stumble on social norms like a train rack and I get it not realizing how rude you are sounding in the moment. But again, I would apologize after I realize how I acted.

And about not seeing the posts online, I can't say for sure. I will give an example of a situation I actually saw unfold and why assume that someone saw posts, not metter how "viral" it was or how many they were, is honestly a bad idea.

When Empanada was first introduced, there was a sever moment of hesitation in the brazilian qsmp community, Bagi was one of the most active brazilian players and people liked to go to her stream to just have a portuguse speaking player to listen, but since Bagi has become Em's mom, she barely would speak portuguse and would mostly talk in english with her.

Some brazilians fans expressed very politely why they were feeling bad with this situation, explaining how it made them feel like they were "losing" a portuguese speaker, and in a smp where the principle was having the ccs being able to speak their native languages, it felt like their language was being side line again.

At the same time, they were people not so politely saying what a dumb decision was to give a german egg to a brazilian cc, that they should kill Empanada or fire her admin and hire a brazilian admin for the role.

Bagi's and Em's admin saw the rude posts and not the polite ones. So when they decided to talk about in stream, Bagi was obviously furious about it and was very harsh.

That generated a lot of hate to them and especially to Em because believe that was their answear to the polite posts.

Bagi later read the more polite thread and talked about it in a calmer manner, her and Empanada try to use more of the translator to speak in their respective languages.

I know this feels like a unrealed rant at the end, but I wanted to just give an actually example of how making assumption of what people saw or did not saw is kinda useless and even harmful because we can not actually be sure about it, yes they metion the twitter posts on their letter, but who knows what tweets they actually saw.

Coming back to the situation. They said they are an autistic person, which while not an excuse to be an asshole to someone, can explain losing the grasp social norms, and being unware of what was crossing rp lines, that happens. Not an excuse but an explanation, they are an adult and after understanding they were rude they should have apologize properly.

Life is a bit more complicated than black and white, being an asshole once to somebody doesn't mark them as an asshole for the rest of their lives, I hope the admin can get something out of this situation and learn, hopefully they will reach out to Roier to say sorry.

[cardboardheartss]

LE SSERAFIM CARDBOARDHEARTSS NEWSS INTERVIEW

⚠️DISCLAIMER! TAROT CARDS ARE NOT 100% ACCURATE! TAKE EVERYTHING WITH A GRAIN OF SALT! IF MY INTERPRETATIONS ARE INCORRECT FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME!⚠️

Q : How are you all feeling today? (9oW, Hierophant rx, KNoC, 6oW)

A : Well… we for sure are really tired. We all have been praying/hoping there would be a better change for all of us, and we genuinely hope that will come for us soon.

Q : How are you all dealing with the backlash you’ve been receiving? (2oW, 4oC rx, Tower, Judgement, Magician)

A : We are crushed… the backlash is getting too much now. We all feel as if we went from being loved to being thrown out like stray dogs. People on social media always find ways to create unnecessary drama and we are tired!

Q : How do you all feel about the HYBE situation? (10oW, KoP, 5oC, PoC rx, Emperor rx)

A : BSH is working so hard on destroying everything. We trusted him, and now he has tainted our image even more and now we’re forced to deal with more of the backlash because of him.

Q : Yunjin what are your thoughts? (KNoS rx)

A : Everything is genuinely out of control… I wish I could speak on it but I might not watch what I say and it’s going to cause more problems.

Q: Eunchae what are your thoughts? (QoC rx)

A : I am done, all do this makes me feel so bad for everyone because at the end of the day, we’re the ones who are going to be in trouble, and continue dealing with the backlash. I don’t want to work anymore, my passion for my job has ended because what the point?

Q : Kahzua what are your thoughts? (9oP rx)

A : 😐 Now I’m going to be forced to fake it, til I make it once more. Now we’re going to be forced to work even more for the sake of the public approval. I’ve lost so much confidence, thanks to the ballet dance comments along with the backlash with the vocals too…

Q: Chaewon what are your thoughts? (8oP, 7oW)

A : I never thought this would actually happen… now I have to rebuild my image again, and the only way I can do that is by speaking up for myself but I can’t because people will twist words and cause havoc again. I wanna fight but I just can’t 😔

Q : Sakura what are your thoughts? (10oW, PoW)

A : 疲れていてイライラしている (tsukarete ite iraira shite iru) I’m tired and annoyed, I have completely given up, I feel defeated and lately I have been doing my hobbies just to keep calm but I am genuinely unhappy. My late night walks are keeping my sane right now, because I just feels so embarrassed, I don’t want to be seen in public anymore.

Q : What do you think will be the outcome of this situation? (KoC, Temperance, Hanged Man rx, 5oP rx)

A : Well… BSH will deal with this issue, all we’ll have to do is just sit back and watch.🤷🏻‍♀️

Q : Do you have anything to say to Ill’It? (4oS rx, 5oS rx, 3oS rx, 2oC, 4oW rx, 4oP rx)

A : Firstly we want to just apologize for all the backlash you’ve been receiving lately, you all truly don’t deserve any of this. Please make sure that you all rest and avoid the negative comments. It’s unfortunate that this war will never end, I mean, we even are in the same shoes as you all right now and we have no choice but to stand together. We your unnuies will stand by you!🫂

Q : Do you have anything to say to NEWJEANS? (Moon rx, 6oP, KNoP, KNoW rx)

A : Well… this is going to be an awkward time between all of us, it’s like we’re going to be walking on eggshells around you, not us only, like the rest of the groups too. We have to do this for the sake of our career so… yea

Q : Any words to the general public? (3oP, PoP rx, 3oW, 7oP, 3oC)

A : We would like to apologize, we know it’s going to take some time to get your love again. It is going to take us some time to work on our performance flaws, but once we woke on it and show you all our improvements, may we please leave the past behind us and rejoice once more… together.

[tyrantisterror]

To bring this chain of asks full circle, what are your top ten favorite Delicious in Dungeon/Dungeon Meshi monsters and why? Either on the basis of biology, design, or even story significance? What are your favorite dishes from Delicious in Dungeon? 😋

I thin the chapter that introduced Dungeon Meshi's take on living armor is the moment where most readers realize they're in for something special and more than just the gag manga it could have been. For me, it's the epitome of what makes Dungeon Meshi's world-building so special. Living Armors are a stock monster in fantasy fiction, and normally the thought that goes into them begins and ends with "a suit of armor moves on its own because magic." That's all they have to be for an audience to accept them and move on, and in most fiction, that's all they will be.

Dungeon Meshi, by contrast, came up with the most creative explanation for why a suit of armor would walk around and attack people I've ever encountered. It's so bizarre that it's fascinating on its own - BUT THEN, just to show she's a fucking master of story-telling, Ryoko Kui makes the process of our hero discovering the nature of living armor vital to stopping them, saving his friends, and making his way through the dungeon. Dungeon Meshi took a monster archetype that is usually little more than a footnote and turned it into a crucial and iconic story beat, one so important that it continues to figure in to the plot thereafter in the form of Laios's living sword, Kensuke.

Griffins are a monster I have a great deal of fondness for, and one I feel should be more prominent given how iconic they are. There should be more kickass griffins in fiction, more memorable griffin stories, more griffins in general! Dungeon Meshi didn't reinvent the wheel with its take on griffins like it did with Living Armors, but its griffin/hippogriff arc is nonetheless one of the most important emotional beats in the story, and also led into the changeling arc, which is one of the funniest in the entire manga. They also gave griffins the gravitas as a monster that they rightfully deserve. A+ griffin use.

The vegetable lamb is one of my favorite obscure medieval folklore monsters and seeing it show up in this manga made me so happy. It is exactly the kind of bonkers idea that fits perfectly into Ryoko Kui's fantasy world, perfect addition, no notes.

I'm of two minds on how Quetzalcoatl has been reduced to a monster in pop culture instead of, you know, the benevolent god he was originally, but Dungeon Meshi's coatl at least gets a lot of gravitas and even plays a semi-heroic role in some scenes, which is better than most knockoff Q's get. Also the one in the manga itself is covered in psychedlic flower pictures because of SPOILERS and it's really cute.

...Falin's chimera form is ridiculously hot in ways that make me look long and hard at myself in the mirror and wonder why I'm wired like this.

On a less existential side of things, Laios's Ultimate Monster design is, for my money, the absolute best running gag in the manga, with the PERFECT punchline at the story's climax that you'll think you've guessed but trust me, you haven't quite. If you're looking at it and thinking, "That looks like what a four year old would draw when making a monster," you are right, and that is the gag, and trust me, it is ALWAYS funny when it pops up.

How many slots do I have left? Four? Fuck it, let's talk about the dragons, we can go over I don't give a shit. The Red Dragon is the Heavy for the first third of the manga, and it's built up impressively throughout all the monster-eating shenanigans, so that when it finally arrives as this small-scale kaiju who makes the dungeon tremble and quake in its path, you really get a sense of dread attached to it. A lot of modern fantasy fiction gets lazy with dragons, content to let their cultural reputation do the work for them, but Kui made sure that when a dragon entered her story, it feels like an EVENT.

I haven't watched the anime yet, but what I've seen shows they did a good job handling Kui's design, which has this wonderful blend of T.rex, sauropod, and crocodile to give it this primordial reptilian strength. I also love how they animated its Thor Thimble, it's a great touch.

About the only thing I'd change about the Red Dragon is its lack of wings, but then you see how the other dragon species look in Dungeon Meshi, and it makes more sense. Another trope of modern dragons I dislike is giving them all one body plan, when their mythic predecessors could have all sorts of arrangements and numbers of limbs. Kui's dragons follow suit - the red dragon is a stocky quadruped, green dragons have the hexapodal look with two wings and slightly more gracile proportions, we've got two-legged and two-winged wyverns, two-armed wyrms, multi-finned leviathans, Asian-style dragons, and even a big fluffy arctic dragon for those freaks out there who don't want dragons to have scales for some inexplicable reason. All of them are still very much dragons, but each one feels unique and broadens what a "dragon" can be in the setting. It's great, I love it, A+ dragon usage.

Oh, yeah, there's one other dragon species I forgot to put up there - the Nightmares, which in your dreams look like, well, a nightmare, and in the waking world look like... shellfish. Apparently it's a Japanese pun that doesn't translate easily into English. They're not really my favorite monster but I knew if I included all the other dragons and not these guys then at least one person would feel compelled to "Um, actually" me. That nightmare form for the Nightmare looks pretty wicked, though.

[rin-and-jade]

To the hosts out there reading, this post is for you!

You're doing god's work (for your sys) and i applaud you for that as this role takes a lot of responsibility and out-time longer than any other parts in the system. I do admit it's hard to be one, and i do understand your inner struggles.. which is why i'm going to talk about this topic: deeply rooted sense of denial.

Yes, there's a lot of validating posts out there which is why i decided to join in and give my own pov in purpose of covering more stuffs than other people had done. Those things won’t be repeated here, fyi.

Q: Why do hosts tend to have more denial than others?

A: Actually, its not the type of role that guarantees you into having more denial compared to different parts, everyone can have it, in varying degrees. This is more about HOW hosts can have higher amounts of denial.

Q: But what's making them having denial, what's your "how"?

A: They're the one being outside most of the time and usually busy functioning in real life which leaves little to no room for attention to notice other parts roaming around or see the innerworld. They may subconsciously feel they are more "real" than other parts as the rest don't get the same chance to be out like hosts.

It can also stem from self doubt or imposter syndrome,, but generally from the discovery of being a system after a long time of living without knowing it, sometimes accepting a change or realization is already hard by itself. Lack of proof to validate the condition also works, because hosts usually got hidden away from traumatic memories which creates an assumption of not being “too bad” to have one.

Q: If someone feels the denial/doubt, what should be done?

A: Only being told “that’s denial” won’t actually solve the problem, other than proofs of not being aware of time gaps and ‘less bad’ memories it still feels a pretty weak answer. So, some questions that will work better are:

“Why do you think you can’t be a system?”

”Are you aware of any hazy or blurry memories of your life? What is the reason for it to happen?”

”In denial, have you ever thought of trying to find some clues and take account and think of it rather dismissing it right away?”

”how do you currently feel when you’re questioning the existence of other parts?” (This is for self awareness and managing panic before it spirals)

“Is there any other way to describe your situation?”

“Do you think the experiences you’ve seen in yourself is equivalent what a system looks like? (using other’s experiences can work)”

I have made a dedicated post on handling this so if you’d like to educate yourselves or see the solutions, click here. Another thing that i want to say is to be transparent with each other and communicate in a 2-way,, nothing will get solved if things are always kept away from each other.

One last thing i’d want to tell to all the hosts out there is that they deserve a break, a time out from the world. Nothing will go wrong,, no, your other parts are capable and responsible enough to cover for you when you’re resting. I really advice to anyone reading this that being burnt out and pushing against it is never good,, what do you get out of it? Just extra debt of depleted energy and even more problems be it cognitively or emotionally, only you know.

so please take care of yourselves, you’re the most important role when it comes to creating a functional life outside for your system, so you should take proper breaks keep your best condition to work too <3

- j

[lutzlig]

Tumblrwoman Election Wrap-Up

To celebrate the end of this election, I'm gonna answer the rest of your questions!

First off:

Thanks everyone for participating! This ended up way bigger than expected. It was pretty exciting, seeing everybody chime in and participate.

Shoutout ESPECIALLY to all the people making fanarts, memes, etc... you people are incredible!!! Most of it can be found under #twe23, be sure to check it out, everybody!

Here's some highlights you people have made:

this github live number tracker made by @twilight-sparkle-irl during the vriska/katya poll. A THRILLING read!

this hollow knight miku oc by @anonymous-utility!! shes so cute...

@seasoned-cabbage made a wiki sandbox for the polls... it's so satisfying to see the stats laid out like this : D

@unidentifiedfroggy wrote fanfiction that just perfectly encapsulates the whole experience : ' )

General Q&A

"Who did you want to win?"

I myself think Vriska deserved the title most! I think vriska is just as integral to tumblr as Cecil is, if not more.

As for the other 2 involved, they didn't really care who won!

How often did you hear "Why are you pitting 2 bad bitches against each other"?

Often! One of us was going to count, but he got so annoyed that he stopped. You people need to get a new sentence.

"Why are there minors in a tumblrsexywoman contest?"

It's not a tumblr sexywoman contest, it's a tumblrwoman election! Before we made the poll, we considered whether it's better to throw out the minors or remove the "sexy" angle. We decided on the latter, mostly because this kind of competition would feel incomplete without tumblrgirls like miku and vriska.

Will you be doing this again next year?

Hm, not sure. Probably not! At least, I wasn't planning on it. We did this on a whim, and this is (SUPPOSED TO BE) my art blog.

I might make a blog for it next year, if these are still relevant and the demand is high (which i highly doubt).

Why didn't you answer my question?

I got like 130 asks this week and most of them were cries of pain and outrage. I was also incredibly busy irl until a day ago. If I didn't answer your question, Sorry!

Concerns about Corruption

According to the tags on these, every single one of the polls was rigged in some way or another. Particularly grievous examples of this were Miku's loss (I suspect Vriskavoters doing foul play (I am vriskavoters. I voted Bayonetta to sabotage Miku. Then i spent the whole day listening to Miku voicebank comparisons.)), and Marcie's win (Somebody accused the Adventure time subreddit of having swamped the poll. The post in question had 19 upvotes. The poll on tumblr had 92,123 votes).

What's more, I've been offered bribes!! Several american dollars! The political landscape of tumblr sure is a scary place...

Manners

Some of you really don't know how to act. This goes out to a small (but very, very vocal) minority - don't be a dick! Just because it's the internet does not mean you can just insult random strangers! This is a poll about fictional women, this is NOT a place to call people the r-word or imply someone is stupid for liking a character.

Some people left pretty graphic, violent messages. Most of these were jokes, but still. Take caution with the words you choose. This should go without saying, but telling strangers to "eat glass" and the like is not acceptable behaviour.

In the end, this was a competition between fictional characters, so seeing people arguing in the replies and trying to gain some sort of moral high ground was a little bit saddening.

Most of you were nice though, luckily : )

Thanks

To everyone who left kind messages, to everyone engaging and having fun, the fan art, the posts, to everyone expressing their thanks to us - thank you!!!

In the end, this was a lot of fun, and it was nice to see the website come together like that!

What's next?

For the next few days, I'm going to be promoting my friends' projects as much as I can to scare all of you people off of my blog.

I got WAY too many followers from this and frankly, that is simply not acceptable. You all need to leave NOW, because I want to get back to posting art eventually and I would rather not be on everybody's timeline.

That's why I have decided to become a massive sell out and reblog my friends' stuff on main for a bit. Peace!

[anachronistic-falsehood]

Ok before I answer any more asks, I feel like I need to get my full thoughts out there. This might be a bit long, but I have a lot to say.

First off: I am very impressionable. I always have been and I always will be. I am well aware of this. When people tell me things, I often believe them at face value. I’m trying to get better at that, which is why I tried to stay neutral this time around when everything first came out. Then I removed myself from the situation for a couple days, came back to it today, forgot to beat my hyper empathy into submission for ten minutes, and found myself almost believing him one hundred percent. I almost forgot about his first response, where he lashed out and threatened to sue people over this. I also tend not to focus on situations like this often because it’s really bad for my POCD. I am bad at this. I need to preface this post by saying that.

I don’t support Forever anymore. I can’t, not after everything that’s happened over the past few days, especially after seeing his original reaction, which was to get mad and threaten to sue and to brush it all off as just twitter drama. And he still brushed it all off as twitter drama in this most recent stream. He didn’t even acknowledge how old the alleged victim was, which means a lot of people who only knew of this through his streams don’t know that he flirted with multiple girls as young as 13. He said it was just jokes, but he did privately message at least one of these girls and meet her in real life, even if it was within a group of people. Things can happen even within a crowd.

There had to have been more things that happened behind the scenes for all of his friends to suddenly drop him. Whether it was some kind of proof that he was aware this was wrong as he did it, or if he lashed out at the other ccs for initially unfollowing him when this all came out, I don’t know. But he handled this very immaturely in his first response without even looking into the issue, and I don’t feel right supporting him anymore.

Still, and hate me for this if you want, I can’t help but sympathize with him a little bit. I know, I know, but I was a shitty person when I was a teenager, and I’m constantly paranoid that things I’ve done or said will stick with me forever or come back around to bite me in the ass. Hell, I have done and said things when I was 17 that would get me dogpiled on twitter if I was a cc. I do understand why he was upset. Knowing that he has mental health issues because of repeated twitter hate mobs does make me feel sorry for him in that regard. Just because being exposed for past actions may have been deserved this time doesn’t mean that excessive hate was deserved every single time, nor is it deserved for every cc who has fucked up in the past.

However, he was very immature with his initial response, and him pushing this off as just a twitter cancellation is enough to tell me that he does not quite see that he was in the wrong. He keeps saying that he’s matured and that he’s better now, as if that alone is supposed to absolve him of any kind of responsibility. I think he handled this wrong, and I don’t want to support him anymore.

As for q!Forever, I know he has a lot of similarities to the cc. That will be too hard to look past for a lot of people, and if you don’t want to engage in content that includes him anymore, that’s well within your rights. I still love q!Forever despite that, and I personally will still consume content that includes him, and I don’t want to write him out of the story of the smp. We can do the same thing we did for c!Dream and basically adopt him as our own oc. q!Forever can be our character now if we want him to be, and we can still acknowledge that Forever put a lot of work and thought into his character and appreciate what he did for the smp while not supporting him as a creator anymore.

And finally, I also don’t like the way that this entire situation was handled in general by the fanbase. The person who did this (as far as I’m aware) was dedicated to going after ccs for generally trivial things. If they wanted justice for this, why not bring it up before now? Why not before he joined the smp? And the victim didn’t want any part in this as far as I know, and yet people went after her demanding comments on the situation. Twitter kept celebrating the ccs dropping Forever like it was some fun party, just like people have been doing for the whole Dream situation. Twitter hasn’t handled this with any sort of tact whatsoever, and many of us here on tumblr (myself included) have been more invested in arguing and over correcting our own actions and phrasing when some biased people bring up invalid points to actually step back and take a break.

We’ve all been on the defence from each other. People on here have criticized each other’s views, invalidated other people’s experiences, and thrown insults and names at each other like this is a playground fight instead of a serious situation. The situation is over. Let’s just breathe.