#BC I FEEL LIKE ONLY 5 OF YOU ACTUALLY DO | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

narumi-gens · 2 years ago

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Triptych | "It's just yes or no."

Chisaki Kai x f!Reader

summary: Your life is nothing more than a triptych, a work of art in three parts with each panel depicting a distinct period — a beginning, a middle, an end. And in the triptych that is your life, the central figure has always been Chisaki Kai.

chapter warnings: 18+ minors/ageless/blank blogs dni, smut, yandere, rough sex, unprotected sex, choking/breathplay, possessive behavior, emotional manipulation, implied/referenced sexism and misogyny, complicated family dynamics, abandonment issues

notes: if this part flops then I genuinely don't know what I'm going to do with this fic. this is from a nonlinear story so all the parts can be read in any order.

words: 4.6k

SERIES MASTERLIST

minors, blank, and ageless blogs will be blocked. do not interact.

The Middle

Your thoughts are a mess. As you try to parse through them, you find yourself absently toying with the empty sake cup on the low table before you. You tilt the cup to one direction before titling it the other way, the ceramic cool between your fingers. You then give it a spin, letting it go and the sound it makes against the wood rings loudly in the small sitting room. It wobbles wildly before finally coming to a stop and you reach for the open sake bottle to fill the cup once more.

If there’s anything that you’ve learned from your father, it’s that nothing solves a problem better than a bottle of chilled sake.

But as you bring the cup to your lips and take a small sip, you know that the answers to your problems won’t be miraculously found at the bottom. Instead, you’ll have to think of them on your own.

With a weary sigh, you prop your elbow up on the table and rest your cheek against your fist to look out the large windows into the courtyard on the other side. The light from the full moon illuminates the small garden inside of it beautifully and a ghost of a smile appears on your lips. Your father had taken good care of it in the years that you were gone.

Instead of focusing on your current problems, you decide to turn your attention to the past and try to remember the last time you were in this exact same spot — seated on a cushion at the same low table, with the same tatami mats beneath you, as you enjoyed the same view of the courtyard.

You remember drinking tea with your father. You remember learning how to play shogi with Kai. You remember looking out the window and trying to ignore the massive walls surrounding the garden.

And you also remember the day that you left, how you stood inside this room and tried to burn it into your memory. As you wryly take another sip of your sake, you realize that doing so was unnecessary since you’re back home once again.

You’re brought back to the present when you feel a familiar pair of eyes on you.

“Join me for a drink?” you ask, glancing over your shoulder at Kai. He wordlessly accepts your invitation, his footsteps light as he moves to sit down next to you. You reach for the sake bottle to pour him some, only to stop when you realize that you only have one cup. “Oh, let me go get another cup.”

“Don’t bother. It’s fine,” he says, stopping you before you can get up and your eyes widen with surprise.

“Are you sure?” you ask, tilting your head curiously and he nods silently. Deciding not to question him any further, you simply begin to refill the sake cup. From the corner of your eye, you see him remove his beak-like mask and set it gently down on the table.

As you pass him the cup, you try to identify the warm sensation that’s slowly washing over you — one unrelated to the alcohol that you’ve been drinking.

“Is this our own sakazuki?” you tease as he drinks from your cup without hesitation.

There’s just enough light from the full moon for you to see how the corner of his lip twitches upward with amusement at your reference to the sake-sharing initiation ceremony for new members of the yakuza

“Something like that,” he hums as he sets the cup back down and grabs the sake bottle to refill it.

Then, something happens that’s so rare that it causes the warmth enveloping you to grow and a bright smile to appear on your face. As he returns the now full cup to you with both hands, his tone turns slightly playful.

“As wakagashira of the Shie Hassaikai, I’m pleased to formalize our bond and welcome you to the family,” he offers and you take the cup back.

“Thank you, aniki. I’m honored. The Shie Hassaikai have my unending loyalty and allegiance,” you reply before taking a sip, following his lead and pretending that this is your initiation into the Hassaikai. From the way he’s looking at you, you can easily tell that he’s enjoying the charade.

Any hint of playfulness from Kai has always been something to be treasured. And as you savor it, you realize what it is that’s at the root of the warmth that you’re feeling. It’s contentment.

In the middle of so much chaos — your father’s illness, your rushed trip home, your neverending worries about the future — it makes you happy to be able to share sake and quietly laugh with Kai.

“This is how it should have been,” he says and you give him a curious look.

“Hmm?”

“The old man should have formally brought you in when he had the chance,” he explains.

The comment causes your smile to dim, complicated emotions and memories from years ago resurfacing at his words. When he continues to stare at you with those piercing golden eyes, you slide the cup back to him and look past him out toward the garden.

“Maybe,” you shrug, deciding that a noncommittal answer is easiest. You glance back at him and raise a teasing eyebrow. “But if I was wakagashira, then what about you?”

“I would have made you my right hand,” he replies easily, like he’s already mentally mapped out this alternate future where you joined the Hassaikai instead of running from them.

“I’m flattered,” you grin, impishly tilting your head to the side. “But then what about poor Kurono? Wouldn’t want to put him out of a job.”

He silently takes a sip, finishing what little sake is left in the cup before setting it back down. He then returns to looking at you expectantly and you sigh softly when you no longer sense his earlier playfulness. It’s always short-lived and rare to appear.

“There’s no point in wondering about the what-ifs, Kai,” you tell him gently, dropping your eyes as you begin to play with the empty cup once again. “You know as well as I do that Dad has never been one to let go of tradition. And for him, a woman’s place in the yakuza has always been nothing more than the silent and obedient wife.”

Any hint of a smile has disappeared from your lips, the corners now turned down in a contemplative frown as you think back on the arguments that you and your father used to have. You then look back up at Kai to find him watching you with hawkish eyes.

“I had a plan,” he finally says, his voice rough with an odd mixture of anger and determination. “But you left.”

“But I left,” you agree simply, choosing to ignore his suddenly sharp tone. When he remains unrelenting, you refill the sake cup and take a sip before passing it over for him to do the same. “Everyone had plans. You had a plan. Dad had his plan. What about what I wanted? What about my plan?”

“I wanted what was best for you,” he argues, and you tilt your head curiously despite already knowing his answer to your question.

“And what’s best for me?”

“What’s best is for you to be here,” he replies without hesitation and you don’t know if it’s the sake or the nostalgia that’s getting to you, but you can’t hold in a soft laugh.

With a mischievous grin, you reach out and poke his chest just over his heart. When he looks down at your finger, clearly unsure what you’re doing, you repeat the gesture, poking him a second time.

He lifts his gaze to meet yours and merely raises an eyebrow.

“I’m trying to change your settings. It seems like you’re stuck on repeat,” you tease, giving his chest another poke. He looks unamused and it only makes your smile grow wider. Your features then scrunch together unattractively with confusion as you playfully poke him again. “Don’t you play any other songs?”

Suddenly, so quickly that you almost don’t see it, he grabs onto your finger to stop you. But while the unexpected action would scare anyone else, the lack of danger in his demeanor only has you smiling.

“That’s a real risky thing to do,” he tells you, his tone dry rather than threatening as a hint of playfulness peeks through his actions once more and a strange sense of longing begins to creep up on you.

“I’ve missed this,” you breathe out wistfully, the words leaving your mouth before you can stop them. Surprise flashes across his face. “I’ve missed how simple things used to be. I wish things could go back to that. When did everything get so complicated?”

Kai stays silent as he looks at you thoughtfully. You refill the sake cup and carefully pass it to him. But instead of taking it from you like he did before, he holds onto your hand and guides it to his lips to drink from the cup. His eyes remain on yours as he does so and your face warms at the intimacy of the gesture.

After he drains the sake, he releases your hand and you set the now-empty cup back on the table.

“The sakazuki isn’t the only ceremony where two people share sake from the same cup,” he points out, breaking the silence and it feels like a bucket of cold water has been dumped over your head.

“Kai,” you reply sharply, his name sounding like a clear admonishment. But never one to be deterred, he continues.

“Have you thought about my offer?” he asks and you sigh, your shoulders drooping as the fight drains from you.

“Don’t call it that,” you grumble. “It makes it sound like a business proposition.”

“Would you prefer me to wax poetic?” he counters with a raised eyebrow and you stare back at him quietly.

You’re certain that the emotional turmoil that you feel in the pit of your stomach at the topic of discussion is written across your face. As the silence stretches on, Kai seems to realize that a different approach is needed.

Your apprehension is replaced by surprise when he begins to pull off his gloves before setting them carefully onto the surface of the table. He covers your hand with one of his and the intimacy of the moment isn’t lost on you — no mask and no gloves are the closest Kai ever comes to being vulnerable. And something about it has your anxiety easing.

“What do you have waiting for you back in Sapporo? What’s keeping you there?” His tone has lost some of its edge and your eyes drop down to the tabletop where he’s holding your hand in his.

“I have a job. I have a life, one that I built all on my own,” you reply and the pride you normally feel when speaking the words is undercut by how weak your voice sounds.

“And who are you sharing that life with? Who do you have outside the Hassaikai? Outside of me?”

Your anxiety begins to build once again at his line of questioning.

You think about the few lasting friends that you’ve made, both at university and at your job. Regardless of how much you like them and how comfortable you feel with them, there will always be a self-imposed distance between you and them. You’re just too scared to let them know too much, afraid of what they’ll do if they learn where you come from.

You then turn your thoughts to the relationships that you’ve tried to build, desperate to find someone who can cure the loneliness that always creeps in and threatens to smother you when you’re alone at night in bed. Yet every time you think that you might be able to take the next step and put your trust in someone, those relationships inevitably fizzle out.

And then you remember how happy you always are whenever Kai makes his unexpected visits. With him, you never have to worry about your past. He already knows it all. He knows every dark memory, every fear, every wish.

He knows you.

You’ve never been lonely with Kai.

“You said you missed simplicity. This is as simple as it gets,” he says, his words cutting through your tangled thoughts with startling clarity. “It’s just yes or no.”

You sharply inhale, your eyes wide as you absorb what he’s telling you.

You’re suddenly moving faster than your mind can keep up with. With one hand, you grip the fabric of his shirt while the other cups his unmasked cheek as you lean in and desperately press your lips to his.

He’s quick to respond, welcoming the kiss eagerly. His bare hands are on you in a flash — gripping your hair tightly with his fingers and pulling you as close as you can get with the corner of the table digging sharply into your hip.

It’s easy to lose yourself to his lips, his tongue, his teeth, all working in perfect harmony to make sure that nothing but him is occupying your senses. He tastes like the sake the two of you have been sharing and you suddenly feel lightheaded, although you aren’t sure whether it’s because of the alcohol, the way he’s kissing you, or a mixture of both.

You shift to your knees as you lean over the edge of the table to sink even further into him and he drops his hands to your waist, gripping you tightly before pulling you into his lap in one smooth movement. Surprised by the suddenness of the action, you softly gasp against his lips.

Greedy to taste you further, he turns his attention to your neck, his teeth leaving a trail of stinging bites that lead away from your mouth. You bury your hand in his hair, helplessly tugging the short strands when he bites down on a particularly sensitive spot that he’s intimately familiar with.

You can feel him growing hard beneath you and a whimper escapes you as you suddenly need to be closer. Using every ounce of strength you have, you push him away from your neck just long enough to adjust yourself in his lap to straddle him, yanking the fabric of your kimono up your legs to an indecent height so that you can do so.

One of Kai’s hands drops down to the newly exposed skin of your thigh, his fingers gripping you so tightly that he’s sure to leave behind bruises that you’ll certainly feel. Maybe it makes you depraved, but the idea excites you. To know that such dangerous hands, hands that put people in hospital beds, that could kill, are holding onto you so intimately has heat pooling in the pit of your stomach.

But it also has you feeling something that you’re unused to feeling — special. Because you know that even if he could use his Quirk on you, you’re the one person on whom he never would.

Just like he has ever since you were young, Kai will always protect you.

Your hands move to the shoulders of his black suit jacket and you roughly begin to push it off, his hands leaving your body just long enough to shrug it from his frame and let it drop carelessly behind him. You then lift them to cup his jaw, directing his mouth back to yours as a new type of desperation fuels your kiss.

You’re only vaguely aware of the way he makes quick work of removing the obi around your waist and the koshihimo underneath it. With nothing left to tie your kimono in place, the thick fabric slackens around your body, making it easy for him to push apart the edges of the garment to reveal the thin, white layer beneath it.

As he begins to pull at the sash tying your nagajuban together with hasty but assured movements, you can’t help but picture a child eagerly tearing apart the wrapping on a present to find the gift underneath. The mental image is only enhanced by how satisfied he looks when he pulls away from your lips to watch the sash come free.

A small shiver runs down your spine as he slips his hands under the nagajuban at your shoulders. He pushes it and your kimono down so that the fabric pools in the crooks of your elbows, leaving your torso completely bare before him.

Your nipples pebble instantly from both the room’s cool temperature and the way Kai’s eyes are roving over your form hungrily. You can’t tear your eyes away from his face. To see a man whose emotions only ever seem to vacillate between impassivity and anger looking so pleased has your cheeks warming and your pussy growing wetter.

No longer content to merely look, he hooks an arm around your waist underneath the kimono that’s still hanging from your elbows and pulls you in closer. Your head drops back and your eyelids flutter shut with a soft moan when he returns his lips to your neck, harshly sucking the skin before following it with a soothing lick.

Using his free hand, he palms your bare breast, squeezing it before using his thumb to tease your nipple. Your back arches as you push your chest further into his touch, a silent plea for more. You get it when he pinches your nipple and gives it a tug that’s just painful enough to force a cry from you. He drags his lips down your neck to your chest, your skin stinging in the wake of the sharp bites he leaves behind before giving your other breast the same treatment.

Despite how rough he is — how rough he always is — there’s still a reverence underlying every one of his actions and it only has your need for him growing.

You begin to grind your hips down against him, feeling how thick and hard he is beneath you. Your hands slide down his chest toward his belt buckle, eager to get rid of the few remaining layers of clothing that are still separating you from him.

It takes you a few tries to unbuckle it with the way your fingers keep fumbling. But once it’s finally undone, your hands make quicker work of the button and zip of his pants before you slip a hand inside and gave him a firm squeeze that has him groaning into your breast.

Suddenly, you’re flat on your back, wincing at the dull ache from where your head hits the tatami mat with a soft thunk. As Kai looms over you, he takes a moment to savor the sight of you beneath him. The silk layers of your kimono are crumpled underneath you as they still hang around your elbows and only a simple, cotton pair of underwear keeps you from being completely naked before him.

The desperate look on your face and the way your chest rises and falls with each rapid breath you take stokes the raging fire in him that threatens to burn everything in its wake. Right now, he wants nothing more than to fuck you so hard that you’ll feel it for days — a lingering reminder of him that you’ll be unable to push away.

The thought spurs him into action and his next movements are so frenzied that it’s hard for you to keep up with them. All you can make out through the haze of your lust for him is the way he tugs your underwear to the side before you feel the head of his thick cock pressing at your entrance.

That’s all the warning you’re given before he’s sliding into you with one rough thrust that has your back arching and a breathless gasp escaping you as you toss your head back. When he bottoms out inside of you, his hips flush against yours, it feels like he’s forced all of the air from your lungs.

He’s so big that it hurts exactly how you want it to, exactly how he knows you like it to.

With one hand pressing into the tatami by your head, he holds himself up above you as he uses his other to grab firmly onto your thigh and hike your leg up around his waist. His tight grip along with the tension in his body are the only outward signs that he’s feeling just as affected as you are.

The pace he sets as his hips slam into yours is punishing. He’s putting enough force behind every thrust to have you sliding along the tatami with each one.

Your fingers desperately scramble for something to clutch onto, to keep you grounded. You tightly fist the fabric of his shirt at his side with one hand as the fingers on your other hand cling tightly around the back of his neck, your fingernails digging into his skin just enough to leave slight, crescent-shaped marks.

An overwhelming need to have him even closer overcomes you and you use your hold on his neck to bring his lips back within reach of yours so that you can lean up and kiss him. Although you’re the one to initiate the kiss, Kai takes control of it almost immediately. It feels like he’s trying to claim every soft moan you make before they can fully leave you, like they belong to him.

Maybe they do.

Using his grip on your leg, he hitches it even further up his waist and the new angle has you keening into his mouth. But even with the way his cock is relentlessly dragging along your walls, hitting every spot so perfectly that it has shivers of pleasure running down your spine, it still isn’t enough.

You place your hand on top of his where it’s holding your thigh and begin to guide it away from your leg, up your body, until it’s resting around your throat. You pull away from his lips to look up at him meaningfully. A wild look appears in his eyes at your silent plea.

Your reaction to the familiar pressure around your throat as he begins to squeeze is instant. Your eyelids flutter shut, your toes curl, and your pussy clamps down on his cock so hard that he can’t hold in a deep groan.

The only person you’ve ever trusted enough to let choke you is Kai. You’ve been with a handful of other men and you’ve never been comfortable enough with any of them to even bring up the subject. This is something special for the two of you to share.

His pace somehow manages to grow even wilder, spurred on by having his hand wrapped around your throat. He times his thrusts perfectly so that every time his cock roughly spears your walls apart, his grip around your neck grows just a bit tighter and your eyes roll into the back of your head.

You aren’t going to last much longer. Not with the way his hips are pounding so hard into yours that you know it’ll have you wincing in the morning. Not with the way he’s choking you exactly how you need him to.

Not with the way you feel so protected by his embrace, caged in by his arms with his body on top of yours and intimately connected together in the house that the two of you grew up in.

“Kai,” you whimper, although it comes out as more of a wheeze due to the hand cutting off your air supply. His name is dripping with desperation as it leaves your lips, letting him know how close you are.

Needing just a little more to push you over the edge, you slip your hand down between your bodies where your fingers find your slippery clit and rub it frantically.

You’re so wrapped up in your own impending orgasm that you miss the crazed look in Kai’s eyes. It only grows more feral when you choke out his name again, underlining that it’s him inside of you, him with his hand on your throat, him that you belong to.

With another bruising thrust and his hand tightening just a tiny bit more, the tension in your body finally snaps as blinding pleasure crashes over you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes and fingers.

He releases your throat to wrap his arm around your waist and you gasp for air. He adjusts your hips to exactly where he wants them as he keeps fucking you through your orgasm, his own end the only thing in sight.

You’re just starting to come down from your high, your mind fuzzy with pleasure, when he groans lowly and spills himself inside of you — the only mess that never seems to bother him.

Mindlessly, you wrap your arms around his torso and pull him down so that his body is fully resting on top of yours, his weight a comforting tether keeping you grounded. He seems to be savoring the intimacy as well, burying his face in your neck and you can feel every ragged exhale hot against your skin as he catches his breath.

You rest your cheek against his as you stare blankly at the ceiling, your still-tingling fingers clutching tightly onto the back of his shirt as you try to make sense of the messy emotions warring within you.

“You would never hurt me, right?” you ask into his ear, your voice cracking. Your words are spoken so softly that it’s hard to hear them over the way the both of you are panting heavily.

From how he momentarily tenses against you, you can tell the question surprises him. It feels like every broken piece you have beneath the surface, every crack and every insecurity, is on display. You’re grateful that with his face still buried in your neck, he can’t see you with those golden eyes that never miss a thing.

“I’ll always keep you safe,” he says, his voice so rough and low that it sounds like gravel in your ear. You can’t hear any trace of a lie in his words.

“You won’t leave me alone?”

And there it is, your greatest fear spoken aloud. Without Kai, there would be no one left who cares for you.

Your father is gravely ill. Your mother is gone. Your sister disappeared years ago. There’s no one waiting for you in Sapporo.

Kai is the only person you have left in your life.

“Never,” he swears and your hold on him tightens.

Your vision begins to blur as your eyes trace the wooden lines of the ceiling, his promise affecting you more than you expected.

Kai will always be there.

Before you know what’s happening, a single word is tumbling past your lips.

“Yes,” you breathe and he tenses again in your embrace.

“Yes, what?”

A single tear escapes from the corner of your eye and rolls down your temple before getting lost in your hair.

“Yes, I’ll marry you.”