#sorry these tags are longer than the actual post

[aerialworms]

Several people have pointed out my tags, but I forgot there was a tag limit and tumblr deleted a bunch of info (and I wasn't expecting people to read them! Whoops!), so I've written them up into a more coherent form for you all (with links to more angst!)

First off, a disclaimer: While I did do a shitton of maths to get this as accurate as I could, I was also cribbing from headcanon and guesstimates and dubiously canon novels, and then took artistic license with the diagram anyway. I do not claim this to be 100% accurate, I was just Overcome By Emotion and needed to get it out. Feel free to let me know if I've missed something, but please note this art was more about representation than wholly accurate data. (Sorry, Spock!)

I drew this after watching the short film Unification that came out last year. I don't usually acknowledge Generations for the sake of my own sanity (if I think about it for too long I will cry) but the short film made me think about both Jim AND Spock's deaths (and also the fact that Bones wasn't there, which I am. so cool and fine with. Not.) and that sent me into a little spiral at 4am (pictured below).

I scribbled this in my planner in the faint glimmer of moonlight, half-hanging out of my bed, looking up dates and becoming more and more distraught as my cat looked on in bemusement. My initial thoughts were as follows:

Hang on, how old was Jim when he died?

EXCUSE ME??

How old were Spock and Bones when they bit it??

WHAT??

How long did they all actually know each other for???

WHAT THE FUCK??????

WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY WERE ONLY TOGETHER* FOR 25 YEARS?????

THAT CAN'T BE FUCKING RIGHT.

And then I cried for a good while. And eventually slept. And then woke up and did even more maths.

My calculations were as follows:

Jim was 32 at the start of the 5ym, Spock was 35, and Bones was 38. According to the dates on the Memory Alpha Wiki (death date minus birth year, counting all canon time travel etc as negligible since it's only a few months difference at most afaik), Jim lived to be 60 (not including his time in the Nexus, since that's more like the afterlife to me), Bones lived to be 141, and Spock lived to be 161 (that's a little confusing if you look at the wiki, since he died in the alternate universe and the stardates over there are different, but trust me). Bones lived for 75 years after Jim disappeared, and Spock lived for 98 (23 of those after Bones died, too). Almost an entire century. :)

They were only together as a trio for ~25 years. Jim took command of the Enterprise in 2265, and went into the Nexus in 2293. That's 28 years, minus 3 for the post-5YM/pre-TMP estrangement. Twenty five years. That's all. That's. Not fucking fair. That's less than half Jim's life. He lived over half his life before meeting Spock, and having his two best friends - his heart and mind - actually with him. And then. And then…

He did know Bones for longer. I headcanon that Jim and Bones were friends, or at least friendly acquaintances for ~11 years before Bones becomes CMO (and thus meets Spock), so that's their overlap on the diagram - of course, there was probably some time together without Spock later on but not enough to change that amount drastically. Plus, most of their friendship before Bones became CMO was likely long-distance and intermittent, given that they weren't (afaik) ever stationed together (and I tend to think Bones didn't even join the fleet till shortly before he became CMO). So that means they were together for 36 years at most (just over half Jim's life).

Jim and Spock have the smallest overlap. I think I factored in SNW and estimated it at about 5 years cumulative (the years they know each other in SNW + a bit extra just in case). So that gives them 30 years total together (exactly half Jim's life!)

And then there's Spock and Bones. Hoo fucking boy. They met because of Jim. They lived 25 years of their life with him. The three of them, working so well together, balancing each other out. And then Jim is gone. By my estimate, it was just the two of them for 75 years. Three times the amount of time they were all together. And all of this post-Jim's disappearance. They knew each other far longer than either of them ever knew Jim, and their relationship after his disappearance must have been altered by his absence, but they did stay good friends - and then there's also the fact that Spock could feel Jim was 'alive' somewhere, but had no idea where or how to get to him. Just that he was happy. Without them. If I think about that too much I will start biting.

And also. I really can't get over the fact that Bones lived so long. I expected Spock to outlive him by a wide margin (and I bet they all expected him to), but no. Both Bones and Spock lived for well over double Jim's lifespan, and lived without him for triple (nearly quadruple, in Spock's case) the time they knew him. Jim dying at 60 is young, they could have had so many more years together - they probably thought they would, after cheating death so many times and still coming back together! But Jim dies, and Spock must have, on some level, expected to outlive him, but not so soon. For a Vulcan, he has a remarkably short life, and Bones was alive for so long and they were together but without Jim, and then - even worse! - Bones dies and Spock leaves for Romulus (and ultimately another fucking universe) because there's no one left for him anymore. And he takes that pendant of Jim with him, and (I like to think) still has an impression of Bones in his head from the katra-sharing, and he lives 23 more years without them with him, not really, but they're still a fundamental part of him. Even though they were only really all together for 25 years and it's been almost a century since he last saw Jim, his Jim. Twenty five years. That's all they get.

*when I say together, I mean on friendly terms, in fairly regular contact - essentially that they were in each other's lives. That's why I'm not counting the pre-Motion Picture divorce era, and why my numbers for their one-on-one time are hazy, since I imagine they might have had other falling-outs or time alone, and Bones and Jim especially might have gone long stretches without communicating before Bones became CMO, since they weren't living near each other - and I think it's likely Spock and Bones did so post-Jim, too, especially since Spock became an ambassador and likely moved around a lot. At least they had their post-katra-sharing mind link, though.

That's what I was trying to articulate with this art - how lifespans can overlap, and how you can never match your life up perfectly to someone else's, and you'll always end up leaving or being left behind, eventually, even if you all want to stay together. I was thinking about my parents as I drew this, and how I will, most likely, outlive them by a wide margin. I have no idea how long I'll live without my current friends, too. It's bittersweet, to me. I know it's impossible to keep even one person close for your entire life, but I still wish I could.

Spock outlived both his best friends, and both he and Bones far outlived Jim. The three of them were together for those precious 25 years. It's at once so long, and not nearly long enough.

Lifespans.

(ID under cut)

[Image ID: A three-way venn diagram floating against a starfield. The circles are coloured; one yellow, one light blue, one a darker shade of blue. The yellow is the smallest, the two blue ones over double its size, with the darker blue the biggest. The yellow is half covered by the two blue circles, while it takes up a small amount of the two blues. The centre overlap between all three is labelled "the precious few years we three were together".

There is very little overlap between the yellow and the darker blue without the lighter blue.

The work is digned 'aerialworms'./End ID]

[vimbry-moved]

the first real experience I've had of being fascinated by technological developments in adulthood is getting on a bus that has charging ports in the seats and a screen displaying the route with an announcer.

[a-most-beloved-fool]

For the writing prompts;

19. For luck - Rom and Leeta

"And then," Bashir was saying - though in truth, Rom was paying only half attention, far too busy thinking about Leeta - "she came right up to me, and kissed me on the lips!"

"Oh, she did, did she?" Chief O'Brien said, scoffing good-naturedly.

"It's true!" Bashir insisted, though he didn't look insulted by the Chief's doubt. He was smiling into his glass, seeming quite delighted by the disbelieving frown on O'Brien's face.

Rom didn't quite understand what was supposed to be so 'unbelievable' about the story. In fact - "It seems pretty believable to me," he said. "Doctor Bashir's always kissing beautiful women." (Including, at one point, Leeta - though not anymore, Rom thought with some pleasure.)

"Yes, but this one was out of his league," the Chief said, batting his hand playfully across the table.

Bashir just smiled bashfully, ignoring the swipe. "Ah, well. You're right about that. She wasn't really interested in me after all. Turns out, she'd just misconstrued the human concept of a 'good luck kiss'".

"Ohh! A 'good luck kiss'!" Rom said eagerly. Then, after a pause, "Uh, what's a 'good luck kiss'?"

The Chief sat back, idly crossing his arms. "Well, it's pretty much exactly what it sounds like. It's a kiss that you give someone to wish them luck."

"Oh," Rom said, considering that. Luck was always a good thing to have. Perhaps... "Oh! Leeta!" He stood, sending his chair clattering backwards. "I'll be back!" he shouted, then raced from Quark's bar, ignoring his brother's parting shout out dismay.

He needed to find Leeta.

--

"Leeta! Waaaait!" Rom hollered, shuffling through the crowded promenade as quickly as he could manage, chasing after her familiar voice. "Leeta! I need to give you something!"

This would be easier, he thought, if Bajorans could hear as well as Ferengi could.

But, at last, Leeta stopped, turning to find him. "Rom? Rom, what's the matt-"

The rest of her sentence trailed off into a hum as Rom reached up, pulling her down to plant a kiss square on her lips. One of her hands cupped Rom's cheek, soft. Rom didn't really know how long a 'good luck kiss' was supposed to last for - he really should have gotten more details before running off (for example, does it need tongue? Bashir never specified.) - but he thought that this should satisfy it.

He pulled away, grinning toothily up at his wife. "Hi, Leeta," he said.

She smiled down at him, cheeks flushed and lovely as always. "Hi, Rom. What was that for?" she asked, looking bemused and delighted.

"It's a kiss," Rom said, perhaps unnecessarily. "For luck," he added. "It's a hoo-man tradition!"

"For luck? Rom," she asked, laughing, "what are you wishing me luck for?"

Rom blinked. "Uhhh... For your day?"

Leeta beamed at him, and then leaned down, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Well, I think it worked. I do feel pretty lucky now."

Rom grinned. "Me, too."

--

(also if anyone else wants to make a request, the ask game is here. i can't promise they'll get done as quick or be as long as this one is, though!)

[anghraine]

It feels extremely silly that only today did I realize that pantry and panadería are slightly similar-sounding for a reason >_>

(The English word pantry is one of the many, many common modern English words derived from Anglo-French: in this case, panetrie, from Old French paneterie, "bread room" ... Spanish panadería also has a complex etymology, but all are related to Latin panis, "bread.")

[sukugo]

i have to ask because i adore you and i want to know about your new blorbos- who are they and what are they and why are they always soaked in blood

JDHSJFHJFDDJFFSDFDF, oh man where do i start cassie.

they're from the anime/manga jujutsu kaisen, and they are:

gojo satoru. love of my fucking life. my fucking everything my boy my man, i am so so in LOVE with this man i cant even begin to tell u. he consumes my every waking thought, my life is dedicated to seeing him get fucked. (he's the guy in my header humping his all into the other's arm)

and (ryoumen) sukuna. beautiful sexy evil man.

(can u tell who's my fave)

so in this world, we have jujutsu sorcerers, who are people with special powers that they use to defeat/exorcise curses, which are basically evil spirits born of negative human emotions

gojo is the strongest jujutsu sorcerer alive. he is insanely strong, not a single person can go against him. his powers make it so that u literally physically cannot touch him. he controls "infinity" and can warp space, and he also has pretty special eyes that let him perceive things at a much deeper level than a regular person. those two things combined make him quite literally untouchable. and insanely powerful.

as for sukuna, he used to be a human who lived thousands of years ago, who used to be the strongest sorcerer of his time, and is considered to be the strongest sorcerer in history. he is the King of Curses, no one could ever defeat him, or destroy his soul, which he divided into his 20 preserved fingers so it would survive through time, even after dying.

so itadori yuuji

this lil baby boy (literally the babiest sweetest boy to exist btw) (he's actually the main character haha)

due to some stuff, he ends up eating one of sukuna's mummified fingers and sukuna reincarnates inside him. yuuji becomes a vessel for sukuna, who lives inside yuuji's mind now and sometimes takes over his body (reason why they look the same)

and now, yuuji is sentenced to be executed bc he holds the most evil sorcerer in history inside him, but gojo goes nope! wait a minute, let's not do that. and manages to convince the people in charge to postpone yuuji's execution, saying that they'll get yuuji to find and eat all of sukuna's fingers and then execute him, getting rid of sukuna all in one go.

ok so that's the context (that's actually what the anime's about haha), but as to gojo and sukuna.

THEY ARE IN LOVE

well, they're there. sdkkhfkjdkfdf

ok no, so like they do their things right. gojo is a teacher (tho we never actually see him do any teaching lmao) and sukuna lives inside yuuji and causes trouble sometimes. they don't really ever interact in the story (they literally meet and have a lil confrontation, decide to kill each other and never talk again djshjfdasdadfd) (until they actually have their Fight, more on that later)

BUT!!!!!!!! they may not interact, but they are completely tied together narratively.

as u can see, they're both the strongest from their respective times, so they have a lot of links when it comes to their characters themselves and what they are referred to in the story. specifically that, in being the strongest, they exist in a plane above everyone else, literally untouchable.

now, in the story, this position of strongest is coupled with solitude, being the strongest meaning u're alone and no one else understands you bc of this

and SO they have their fight. bc plot reasons right. this is obv what it was all gonna lead to. fight of the two strongest.

and the fight, consequently, revolves around that idea of solitude, and understanding each other.

which like. ok. yeah we saw that coming. ofc. no big deal.

EXCEPT, to make reference to their relationship and that idea of understanding each other, the term that is used is, and i kid u not, love.

there's a very specific phrase that is used multiple times between them. which is actually used originally with a character who shows romantic feelings towards sukuna.

she challenges sukuna to a fight and sukuna promises to marry her if she wins. her goal in this fight is to share in sukuna's solitude and show him love (read R→L)

but she says this to sukuna and this. this is his reaction.

SUKUNA KNOWS LOVE ALREADY

to which she gets super pissed bc that's not!!! love!!!!!!!

sukuna defeats/kills her. and u know when the next time that exact fucking phrase is used? when sukuna and gojo finally meet again and set up the date to have their Fight, where sukuna remembers her words

which tells us that.

sukuna was.

thinking about gojo when she said that.

*screams into hands*

BUT IT DOESN'T STOP THERE. this phrase is then repeated. multiple times.

1. right after gojo punches the fuck out of sukuna:

2. said in reference to gojo, when he realizes there's a chance of him losing:

3. gojo reminiscing about their fight:

so, as u can see, they were going to teach each other love. their fight is. canonically. about teaching each other love. what the FUCK.

but ENOUGH love talk (or else i'm at risk of going crazy insane)

LET'S TALK ABOUT HOW THEY'RE LOADED WITH SEXUAL TENSION

this was in their first meeting where they fought (for quite literally 10 seconds)

like... why he do dat.... .......... . ....

next day sukuna goes "hey im gonna kill u first <3" and gojo just goes "teehee omg really? *hair twirl* <3"

they also decide to have their final battle on dec 24 which is like a super romantic date in japan (explicitly said so by another character)

and their FIGHT. it is LITERALLY just them flirting and touching each other

LOOK AT THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i fucking lost it. i still haven't recovered. that is the hottest thing i've ever seen in my life. gojo wants that dick so fucking bad

not to mention thigh grabs and hand touchies

and the entirety of the fight is just them having fun 😭😭 they're supposed "enemies" on opposite sides and the fate of the world is at stake here, but they actually don't give a fuck about that.

they're literally smiling and having a great fucking time. this fight for them is just play. their fight is just for them to have fun as the strongest and to connect with each other. they're enemies but they don't hate each other or anything, they only search for that sense of fulfillment in each other OTL

AND ABOUT THAT, oh my GOD

sukuna wins. he defeats gojo. and at the end, this. is what sukuna says to gojo at the end of the fight:

FUCKING. I'LL NEVER FORGET YOU. SCREAAAAM THAT'S ROMANCEEEEEE.

and the soft smile? the fucking petals falling all over them? oh GOD they're trying to kill me

but that's on sukuna's side, what about for gojo? well

HE GENUINELY TRIED TO REACH SUKUNA, GAVE IT HIS ALL TO CONNECT WITH HIM. TO TEACH HIM LOVE AGFKDHSKFHFKJFHDF (BUT HE FAILED HE COULDN'T GIVE SUKUNA WHAT SUKUNA GAVE HIM 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭)

HHRRRRGJFHSJDFHDSJFSDFA KJHDKFJSFKASLDKS ADKJKFHEWRKJEKRKTRELRW

and if i start crying OTL

but alas *deep breaths*

even without all that they're just very fucking sexy. two insane powerful men going at it? come on. how could u NOT want them together. they both hold the same title of the strongest, might as fucking well fuck nasty about it.

and oh god, when i tell u gojo is a fucking brat and he's so strong and untouchable, but then sukuna is capable of putting him down which is. insanely sexy. and i need it. i need gojo obliterated. and i know sukuna won't let me down (AND HE DID NOT. HE OBLITERATED THAT MAN) can he now obliterate his holes too

agdkhfhdkhdhs, anyways.... yeah.. that is the situation.........

im just gonna end this by saying

SUKUGO MY LOVES

[xxplastic-cubexx]

sorry if you've already mentioned but what (re?)ignited your love of comics/x-men/cherik? curious because there are so many different adaptations of them

i think im gonna speak for a few (or a lot of) people when i say that TL;DR the wolverine x deadpool movie that came out this summer is what pulled me back into comics and i COULD leave it there but i will go into excruciating and unnecessary detail instead because i love an origin story and i love oversharing.

under the cut tho because im nice sometimes (there's also wxdp doodles in here. if you want to see that)

ironically (and probably commonly), growing up i was more of an avengers kid. Kinda. Loosely <- binge watched the cartoons and movies and read copious amounts of comics and fics and i am hoarding fanart in my old dresser as we speak ok 'loosely' is a modest lie.

embarrassingly i remember getting into discus cause of captain america LMAO so yeah needless to say i was a Humble Fan- me joining my school's comic class/club didnt help either (shoutout to my teach from that she was the realest one out there for. A Multitude of reasons). she definitely is was inspires me to even draw still and make comics and i often think bout the tips i learned from her class tbh she was great

back to the movies t and comics tho, i got into em because my brother would offer to take me and that's how we'd hang out (i rarely saw movies in theaters and i even more rarely went anywhere as a teenager. still kinda like that today tbh ooops) and yk. it just snowballed after that.

my brother and i have always liked comics- he just more than me for a while (though he still very much loves comics and As We Know From My Posts we still talk about them whenever i see him To An Exhausting Degree)

durin then i was really into stony and i have a few surviving doodles i made but those are between me and god. and anyone who asks tbh LOL

'snap can you make this related to x-men again this is long' ok so fast forward to This Summer again I Still Don't Really See Movies but my brother offered to take me and this was the first time i'd actually seen an x-men movie in full

as a kid i only remember seeing the 'perfection' scene between erik and raven in first class while i was channel surfing. pretty sure i changed the channel after seeing mystique naked cause i was scared my parents would get mad at me if they caught me watching it LOL

BUT MOVING ON As A Kid i think it's also natural you'll sometimes watch 92 if it's on And I Did though evidently it didn't stick too hard (i do remember really liking beast and gambit though.... still do really): my knowledge of x-men was. INCREDIBLY sparse. like diabolically so so i didnt have too much expectations (aside from the fact i vaguely liked deadpool beforehand).

tbh i dont know why my bro never took me to see any of the x-men movies. it's not like he doesn't Also like x-men (90% sure nightcrawler's his favorite but my brother will be caught dead saying he has absolute favorites like that)- he owns a bitch load of deadpool comics/omnibus sets too (of which ive read over the years and reread this year) but Shrug moving on

Much Like Most Of The Internet i fell down the rabbit hole that way. i have some doodles i made a couple days after seeing WxDP that i now have an excuse to throw at all of you Look And Perceive

and so. As I Do. i got curious and told myself i'd binge watch all the x-men movies the week before i went back to school And Then I Did ft. My Brother Sometimes and then i said i'd binge watch all of '92 and And I Did That ft. My Brother Sometimes But Less So and now we're here. currently watching Evolution...

once i got to school i realized i lived near a comic shop and started getting into the comics that way (the first ones i got since going down this rabbit hole was Magneto Was Right!, The Resurrection of Magneto, and The Trial of Magneto. if you were curious !!!!! clearly i didnt care too much about context i just needed to see My Guy jelvejlkvj i have no regrets and Evidently ive read more since)

i'm pretty sure what dragged me into cherik specifically was the fact i saw a clip of The Famous ending to 92 where erik's aghast at the notion jean even has to question his love for charles. i think that was what officially had me refocus my lens on them: not a single poolverine thought after that LOL (all the cherik posting i saw on twitter definitely helped too but that was the nail in the coffin for any other interests i had: i was locked into cherik and x-men in general now)

that clip specifically, i was surprised at the fact they- frequently even- have the x-men franchise say erik loves charles and vice versa so bluntly. even if it's not meant to be romantic, i fear im just a fan of how casually the word's thrown around with them two and i got tender bout it all. Then Yk. i just live for the drama. the hilarity even. the sincerity .... they make me sick if i think of them too long so im gonna end it here

before i go tho ironically enough, the first x-men issue i owned was This one (story a this is that while stuck in some wacko dimension charles accidentally gets himself trapped in logan's mind while utilizing his astral projection. if you were curious). pretty sure i got it for free with another comic set i got years ago since our old comic shop loved to do that, but it's poetic aint it. maybe ill doodle something referencing it..

i should probably look into finishing this arc someday im Dummy curious to even know how it started and how it ends.....

[redbootsindoriath]

Okay so I didn’t remember that International Don’t Stab Your Best Friend Day was coming up until I was in the middle of a multi-day road trip, so here’s a comic I threw together in a huge rush while traveling in a moving vehicle and then took ages uploading on hotel wifi.

Transcription:

[Gurthang:] “Hey Túrin.” [Túrin:] “Yeah.” [Gurthang:] “I still can’t get over the fact that you literally murdered your best friend lol.” [Túrin:] “...” [Gurthang:] “Like how stupid do you have to be to do something like that, haha?” [Túrin:] “Oh yeah, you’re so right!  If only there had been someone there who could have said something!  A talking sword, for instance.” [Gurthang:] “Hey now, don’t pin this on me.” [Túrin:] “‘Dude stop, it’s just us, don’t freak out and stab anybody, even though it’s dark and you can’t see anything!’” [Elf 1:] “Is he okay?  Should we...do something about this?” [Elf 2:] “Absolutely not, I am not going near that situation.”

[sixthear]

Liu'er has woken up in strange places he did not remember falling asleep in before. But this definitely topped all those other times. He did not like this place. There were too few trees. Strange metal contraptions that flew down roads made of paved black stone. The air around here felt thick, and bitter. Almost like he was trying to breathe in smoke— except there was no fire in sight.

More alarmingly, there were so many people! His hearing was blissfully muffled, and for once he wasn't concerned— even with dampened powers, this place was too much! But he cannot sit idly by and lament the situation. He needs to find the other monkeys. Maybe— maybe Shihou and the elders were brought to this strange place, too. He'll even settle for Yutu. Any familiar and friendly face, really.

He's not sure how much time is spent aimlessly wandering around, sticking to side streets and eventually the rooftops, before he finally spots something vaguely familiar. Another monkey, one with black fur! He... Doesn't immediately recognize the older monkey beyond that though. So with a small and anxious chitter, he carefully trails after Macaque for a bit. Staying mostly out of sight and a safe distance away...

After narrowly losing track of Macaque, though, he finally announces his presence by scrambling around a corner into view. Worried about completely fumbling his chance to talk with the only other monkey he's seen so far, he gives a definitive loud CHIRP, a signature sound of distressed young monkeys.

"Wait up, please, mister!"

@sageshadowed

[the-a-collective]

all roads lead to autism (for us)

[pt: all roads lead to autism (for us) end pt]

So we found out recently that we're autistic and now we're recontextualizing everything in our lives.

I think we'd be a trans guy either way. However, our "schrǒdinger's femininity", as we call it, caused by a simultaneous connection with femininity (even if it's just because we've been forced in the Woman Box for our entire life) and disconnection (caused by alienation because we're autistic). It's Autism.

Disconnect from gender as a whole? It's Autism. The typical, western allistic view of gender doesn't really fit us. We do (kinda) and don't fit the binary. It's all a blur. That's why we prefer autonomous and abinary-like labels, such as outherine, autonine, and maverique. (and autigender, of course. Because It's Autism)

Also shouting out mid-binary/midbinary and midabinary. ¿Por qué no los dos?

We also connect with the concept of xenogenders because of that disconnection. They also don't really fit? It's like a game of tug-of-war between our connection to anthrogenders and our connection with xenogenders. That's where diastine comes in.

We like the little boxes (because they're easier for our autistic brain), but we also don't like boxes (because we struggle to tell what's relevant, so matching our experiences is Too Hard). It's schrǒdinger's boxes. That's why we love centrigenders. We can be in two boxes, but also not in those boxes, while being in-between the boxes. Centrigender is our brain in gender form. It's Autism. Same with proximal genders and neogenders (neoboy, neomasc, etc.. Lovely simultaneous connection and disconnection. Us.

Speaking of love, our attraction is a huge fucking mess. Yeah, we're aspec-everything, but narrowing it down further is Not Happening 1) because we're plural and everyone has a different experience with attraction and 2) (you guessed it) autism. What's a friendship? What's romance? What the fuck is happening? It's Autism. We Cannot and Don't, until we Do.

We're also gay and straight and queer for everyone. No, we're not omni. That would be too easy. Instead, we get a garbled mess of vaguely queer feelings. It's static. It's not. It's chunky fruit juice.

Our nonhumanity/alterhumanity is very clearly autism. It's the result of growing up Feeling Different, but not knowing and not learning The Social Skills, so now we're alien copingkin. We also get Vague Divine Feelings, as a treat. Yippee!

Last, but certainly not least: plurality. We're all Autistic(tm), of course. If you take one look at our main sidesystem, it's very obvious that we're neurodivergent. Past that? We don't really know. We id with quoigenic, unknown origins, and the like because we don't remember how we formed. Thinking back on it? We wouldn't be surprised if autism played a role. Again, the alienation thing. That + other things we don't want to talk about (because tmi) caused us to retreat into ourselves and daydream and talk to ourselves. That could've easily caused a system. Again, who knows? Not us.

Anyway, yeah, that's our late-night goofy ramble. Have a great day/night/etc.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

okay i just put this in the tags of a different post but now i have to put it in another post so i can talk about it more <3

celestia and luna : kusuo and kusuke is NOT a cut and dry comparison and neither of them fit one or the other perfectly.. for the most part, kusuo is celestia and kusuke is luna (kusuke lashing out because he thinks kusuo is better than him, that things are easier for kusuo, kusuo not understanding, etc etc.) but the problem with that by itself is that that goes BOTH ways in almost the same exact way, the biggest difference is in how they cope with it all.. kusuo also sees himself in luna A LOT, but unlike kusuke he keeps his issues bottled up and never once takes it out on him.. he competes back to kusuke, especially when they were kids, but for the most part he doesnt WANT to and only does it because either 1) kusuke tries to make him feel inferior or 2) kusuke BRIBES him to do it ???

they both think the other has it better and wish that they could live the others life, and neither of them understand the others struggles (and probably never will fully, but hopefully itll get better for them.)

kusuo definitely watched mlp and thinks of HIMSELF as the luna or the 'nightmare moon' of the two of them because, even though he hasnt ever actually lashed out in that way, he knows how perfectly capable of it he is and he believes himself to be some sort of monster.. and its not really a rational way for him to see things, especially since he doesnt even usually view kusuke in a positive light ? but lunas story just hits home with him that badly..

this is just one reason why i think it sucks that kusuo being "powerless" basically only lasted a weekend, because we totally couldve gotten to see a "celestia and luna switching cutie marks for a day" kind of dynamic between kusuo and kusuke.. obviously not with kusuke having powers, but with him being above kusuo and more powerful than the general human race and realizing that being better than kusuo isnt what he wanted it to be..

and seeing how absolutely depressed and in denial kusuo becomes at first when he starts getting his powers back wouldve hit so much harder for kusuke if it had been a slower realization before kusuo could begin accepting himself again

[thedandelionresistance]

Screenshot is a post with username cropped out which reads:

goodnight to people who are unable to run

goodnight to people who used to be known for 'running/skipping' everywhere until it

became far too painful and dangerous

goodnight to people who have a walking gait that shows deformity and 'disturbs others'

goodnight to people who have limbs that 'move wrong'

goodnight to people who walk with a limp

goodnight to people who stumble and fall

goodnight to people who use a mobility aid

goodnight to people who use elevators

goodnight to people who use shower-chairs

goodnight to people who use ramps

#cripple punk #cpunk #physically disabled #chronic illness #chronic pain

#disabled positivity #this is about physical illnesses and such please do not derail

#do not derail

Oooh what a nice positivity post, I can't walk because of a condition generally considered neurological (it's under-studied so that's just what we currently understand of it) and also severe executive dysfunction that can leave me catatonic or nearly s-

Oh it's not for people who are in these categories for the "wrong" arbitrary reasons. If your illness is not considered "physical" even if it impairs or completely gets rid of your ability to walk get fucked I guess? /s

Like of course these kinds of people are always like "oh but if it physically disabled you then it's a physical illness" but if you say "okay, my schizophrenia severely disables me to the point of being unable to move" they always say "no it doesn't you attention seeking abled faker!!!"

Like, even setting aside that all neurological conditions are considered neurodivergence, including migraines, seizures, chiari malformations, traumatic brain injuries, depression, PTSD, and so on (neither being permanent nor being something you're born with are requirements for something being neurodivergent, just that they make your neurology different from the norm)...

There is no even divide between physical and psychiatric/neurological conditions.

Schizophrenic catatonia can cause people to literally be completely able to move for YEARS to the point they need a full time carer (I'm lucky that my episodes tend to only last less than an hour/not always be full body and tend to be triggered more when sleep deprived, but I have still nearly LITERALLY DROWNED in the bath because of them, and have had lesser episodes that resulted in me soiling myself because I could not move).

ALS is a degenerative neuron disease, one that affected Stephen Hawking and was the reason he needed a wheelchair and AAC device over time.

Potentially deadly heart conditions are extremely commonly comorbid with anxiety.

Conditions like IBS, which have an extremely high mortality rate when untreated, are highly comorbid with... well, half the DSM, so to speak.

Trauma is suspected to be a possible catalyst for or driver of multiple multisystemic chronic illnesses, including mast cell disorders.

Many common "mental illnesses" can cause tremors, heart palpitations and chronic tachycardia, gut dysbiosis, and more.

Many physical chronic illnesses directly have neurological symptoms, including severe cognitive impairment/dysfunction, and mood swings/emotional dysregulation, to the point where cognitive impairment is part of the diagnostic criteria for chronic fatigue syndrome that can be used even in the absence of orthostatic intolerance (which is a symptom understood to be typically neurological, as well, though not neuropsychological).

Even ADHD can severely physically disable you, because it essentially shuts down your bodily control center's ability to send commands and run physical tasks. I know so many people think ADHD cannot be that disabling and that it either must be something else or people are just lying, but it turns out that ADHD isn't just not being able to find your keys where you last set them down and being a bit late to scheduled events!

No good night for me, because my physical and psychological symptoms can't be neatly sorted out into simple palatable little boxes. Yeah, I've heard all the "but if you have physical disabilities that counts!! If you have physically disabling symptoms of a condition, that makes it a physical disability!!"

Those same exact people called my housebound, sometimes bedbound, semi-ambulatory wheelchair-using, incontinence-product-needing, caregiver-reliant ass a liar, a faker, attention-seeking, abled, drug-addicted (in a derogatory way, we don't fucking shame addicts here), crazy, delusional, "schizo" freak who just wanted to feel special and talk over "real" disabled people.

The people who said "hey, the brain is a physical organ and part of your nervous system, psychiatric conditions are a result of biochemical and physiological processes in that organ, and often because your brain controls your body and has a lot of interaction with every other system, symptoms and conditions don't neatly fit into one category or another" were the ones who believed me about my experiences with disability, interpersonal and systemic ableism, my mental illness causing actual literal physical inaccessibility in the same way a lack of a ramp for my wheelchair does, that ADHD is my most disabling condition including over ones that could cause me to go into actual organ failure, and so on.

So I'll make a positivity post for people with mobility and gait issues who use mobility aids and such, that doesn't shut out anyone with neuro and psych issues causing those things, that doesn't draw a smug and quite frankly unnecessary line in the sand just to stick it to people they don't consider to be "really" disabled or ever as disabled as "physically disabled" people (something that these kinds of people have directly admitted to my face, that they don't believe neurodisability can ever be as severely disabling or dangerous as physical disability, or even really significantly disabling, while also accusing me of tokenizing myself and other low functioning high support needs neurodisabled people).

I mean, this is the flip side of the coin of making posts about universal or (category-transcending) general ableism or disability experiences and claiming they're physical-disability-exclusive. It's making a post about symptoms that clearly manifest physically, then saying "don't derail and make this about NON-PHYSICAL stuff," with the unspoken threat that any mention of a diagnosis or symptom mechanism they refuse to believe CAN cause significant physical issues will be considered derailing.

I know because it's happened to me a thousand times already.

I honestly hope no one like that sees this, but if they do, be honest with yourself.

What would you do if the 87 percent of autistic people with gait issues talked about their experiences with those things overlapping? What would you do if I talked about how I had to go to occupational therapy as a toddler to change the mobility issues caused by the trauma of infant CSA (with no actual physical injury or trauma related to it)? What would you do if schizophrenic people talked about how catatonia causes them to need mobility aids? What would you do if someone talked about how OCD or delusions or uncontrollable stimming or Tourette's causes their limbs to "move wrong" and "disturbs" other people? What would you do if someone uses a mobility aid, physical accommodations, or has mobility issues for the "wrong" reasons; because of a "mental" illness.

Don't immediately react. Don't jump in to defend yourself about how "oh you'd accept that because it's a physical symptom and therefore a physical disability". Don't tell me, because the majority of you have already SHOWN me what you'd really do. I'm not talking about a small amount of people.

I'm talking about thousands of people who have admitted, either directly or in other posts of theirs, that they actively deny the experiences of, fakeclaim, and speak over people who are physically disabled AND neurodisabled, especially those of us who cannot divide our conditions and symptoms neatly like that.

I'm talking hundreds of examples of blatant sanism and neuroableism, from calling me and people like me crazy and stupid and dangerous and saying we should be institutionalized and have our autonomy stripped from us and even directly using my trauma from exactly that to try and trigger me into a meltdown or self-harming.

I'm talking telling me to prove autistic meltdowns could be dangerous by going and giving myself the brain damage I pointed out self-injurious behaviors during meltdowns can cause. I'm talking people telling me that my suicide attempts should have been successful and that they hoped I'd face actual ableism, often on the same days I was in the ER as a direct result of ableist medical neglect.

Saying "oh but we'll be nice (if we choose to believe you) if you say you're physically disabled" for optics, so you can look like the reasonable tolerant victim of those meanie able-bodied barely disabled neurodivergent disabled people (who are most often also profoundly physically disabled) when they point out your actual behavior towards them 99 percent of the time" isn't going to fly.

Because saying your post is about physical illnesses isn't actually about derailing. If it was, you'd say it's about mobility aids and issues. Because I guarantee it's not about every other physical illness, from sensory impairment to non-mobility-related gut and organ dysfunction and failure to allergenic disorders.

But it is about exclusion. It's about controlling the narrative. It's about a shibboleth to denote that only other people who agree that neurodisabled people are stinky mean invaders in the disability community who make everything about them, while making posts claiming shared experiences are exclusive are all about you and your disability. It's deflecting accountability by giving yourself the out of "oh but see this isn't about anyone with these issues and if you think it is maybe you're the meanie able-bodied ableists we write it for" and weaponizing your own neurodivergence to claim you're not neuroableist in the same post you claim someone is lying about how disabling their neurodivergence is because in your own words yours doesn't disable you that much.

So no, it's not actually open to all physical disabilities, even assuming generously that that's what you mean when you specify physical illnesses (which would generally imply that nonphysical illnesses with physical symptoms don't count to most fluent english speakers).

It's not open to those of us who have messy complex disabilities and who acknowledge that all of emotions and intelligence and cognition and identity is caused by electric currents and chemicals being sent through a slab of meat wrapped in bone (and even that we barely understand, with scientists discovering that a lot of those things might actually be partially caused or driven by processes elsewhere in the body, even leaving aside that the brain itself is also just the CPU of the whole machine and that CPU issues do in fact affect not just the whole operating system but can even cause or lead to hardware issues themselves.

It's not for any of the people who experience or understand these things the "wrong" way.

It's for your little clique to be able to say "you can't sit at our table" and then put on convincing crocodile tears and play victim for your followers when someone dares to call you out for being a petty bully punching sideways at MOST at the severely disabled people you're claiming are your oppressors.

Yeah no, honey. I've seen it in a dozen marginalized communities and every time it's the most vulnerable members that get fucked over by it. I'm not playing your games or engaging with your pathetic power grab.

If anyone is actually interested in how you can create spaces tailored for specific needs and experiences, we're going to shamelessly plug our own medium article about Selective Inclusion. (We probably need to redraft it honestly, but it's got the point at least.) For a brief explanation, selective inclusion is about choosing to focus a space around a need, experience, or identity, and then letting anyone in who believes they share it.

Now, that sounds like what "oh but if you have physical symptoms that counts" covers, but even if that weren't a pretty falsehood, selectively inclusive spaces around an identity focus on the identity itself, without claiming shared experiences are exclusive or that shared needs should only be met for people who use the right label. It is a space explicitly intended to be safe and comfortable for people who are "[identity] AND" - som a space that allows neurodivergent physically disabled people (and people with only "neurodivergent diagnoses" who have physically disabling symptoms) room to talk about how their identities intersect and affect each other and how sometimes they cause seemingly contradictory effects and experiences.

That is not what cripplepunk spaces, which co-opted a word that has historically been used against all of us*, and claimed its reclamation is exclusive only to some of us because a person not fully aware of its history (because I choose to believe it was not maliciously coined) defined the rest of us out of our own history.

*Despite people denying not just disability history but direct evidence of it, the term "mental cripple" appears in a number of actual scientific papers and was in fact the official term for a time, and was used specifically in the context of the institutionalization and brutalization of neurodisabled people in asylums. People were tortured and even lobotomized for daring to be a cripple whose "deformity" (another historically used term for neurodivergent people) was in the brain. But of course, historical revisionism and claims that it's an "outdated" usage despite lived experiences of neurodisabled people contradicting that are "counterevidence" to this.

Anyway usual disclaimer if you're just here to insult me, ignore everything I've said and try to argue with things I either didn't say or that aren't true, fakeclaim me, or all the usual stuff, just block me. You will be filtered and blocked by my comment screener before I ever see it anyway.

People who want to ask good faith questions or discuss personal experiences (including with neuroableism and corpoableism in the disabled community), as long as you don't act as if ableism is stored in the (physical or neuro) disability, you are welcome to interact. I am usually pretty good about assuming good faith and giving the benefit of the doubt as long as there is any to give, and I think it is really important to have conversations about lateral ableism that the majority of us are absolutely capable (hm, maybe an ironic word here, but I think still accurate?) of perpetuating.

[ritzyperry]

just found out that some people apparently think milo murphy's law is transmisogynistic, perry is bad ace rep because he's ace as the "safe" option for queer rep, dan and swampy are bigots who shoehorn all of their queerphobic rhetoric into all of their media, and that phineas and ferb was a bigot's paradise all along... it's joever

[jennchecks]

.

[turtlemagnum]

god, i suck at mario 2. i'm disparaging my legacy.... seriously, how the fuck have i beaten the lost levels without save states but can't get past 1-3 in american mario 2???? why am i not instantly good at a game i've never really played, god!!!! my mother would be disappointed in me

post writing the tags turtle here: i started rambling about my childhood made the tags longer than the actual post and don't feel like putting them onto the actual post because that'd be too much work and i'm feeling lazy. read em if you want personal bullshit! or don't. i'm not care

[dove-skulls]

grrrrr cant create my new dev logs blog until lunch so I'm angry

[mr-seamonster]

There's enough alcohol in my body to open a brewery