#BABE YOU’RE 56 NOW LOOK AT YOU

[chromedaddyofficial]

now why did sebastian call skid row’s songs gay? is he gay? 🤨

[littlemelaninfics]

Rough Night

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, Thruple Dynamic, Smut

It was 4:56 am when you flopped over in bed for what felt like the 100th time. You were on the verge of tears at this point because all you wanted was to sleep. You let out a frustrated whine that stirred the sleeping being next to you,

“Y/n. It’s 5 in the morning,” Buck said with his face still smushed into his pillow.

“I can’t sleep.”

He sighed deeply and turned on the bedside lamp; turning over to prop his head in his hand and look at you,

“What can I do?”

“Nothing,” you said with a furrow in your brow.

“Nothing?” He asked, trying to catch your eye. You briefly look at him before huffing and looking up at the ceiling,

“My mind won’t shut off.”

“What’s going on?” His brow started to furrow a bit. The thought of you being riddled with stress or anxiety gave him stress and anxiety.

“I don’t like him out there by himself. He should’ve called.”

Buck’s realization set in and he let out a small chuckle,

“Babe. He’s not alone,” he said reaching out to caress the side of your face.

“You’re not with him,” you said finally turning your head to him.

“It’s a simple call. They didn’t need me.”

“If it’s so simple then why hasn’t he called?”

“Aha. I don’t know. But if he hasn’t called now then it just means he’s on his way.” Buck barely got to finish the sentence when the deep click of the front door being unlocked sent shockwaves through your body. You spring leaped out of bed practically busting through the bedroom door like the Kool-Aid Man to race down the hall.

Your brain registered Eddie coming through the door, but failed to send the signal to your feet to stop,

“Whoa! Ha ha! Hi!” You jumped in his arms giving him no time to put his stuff down. The grip you had on around his neck looked lethal, but was filled with nothing than love and relief. You began peppering his neck and face with kisses until he finally caught you lips.

Buck came around the hall and smiled at the sight in front of him. Eddie walked the rest of the way through the door, shutting it and dropping his belongings. He wrapped his arms around you, kissing you deeply. He started to spin around and you had a giggle fit. You settled down quickly looking in his eyes,

“Hi.”

“Hi,” he stared at you for a couple more seconds before kissing you on the nose and putting you down,

“What are you still doing up?”

“She’s had a rough night,” Buck said coming up behind you.

“Oh yeah? Rough how?” Eddie said expressing slight concern. The look in his eyes made your stomach do the thing and you instinctively looked back at Buck. Not to look for approval, but you’re honestly not really sure why. He just nodded his head and you turned yours back to Eddie.

You’re still getting adjusted to expressing your feelings so you had a staring contest with his chest,

“I don’t like when you go on runs without him.” You slightly turned half of your body towards Buck before looking back to Eddie with a pout.

Eddie looked at Buck in such awe of the girl between them. He grabbed the sides of your face with both hands, pulling you into a sweet kiss. Suddenly you feel fingers tracing your arms before a wet, spongy sensation was being placed on both shoulders. Buck kissed from your shoulders to where the side of your neck connected, biting lightly then running his tongue over the slight sting.

You moaned at all of the attention you were getting when Eddie released the kiss and Buck turned your head, shoving his tongue in your mouth. Eddie took over where Buck left off and attacked the left side of your neck. He kissed down to the exposed skin on your chest peeking from your tank top before kissing down your clothed body.

When he was on his knees in front of you, you felt your shorts being pulled down now exposing the cotton panties you were wearing. Eddie left open mouthed kisses both of your hip bones, teasingly lowering your panties. Buck’s hand wrapped around the side of your neck when you felt a slick strip being placed on your pussy.

You moan instinctively, breaking the kiss from Buck to look down at Eddie. Your chest was rising and falling so hard, but he looked up at you with his mouth never ceasing to stop. Letting out a low growl, he pulled your hips into his face even more. You let out an audible gasp when you reach for Buck’s hands and place them on your clad tits. He immediately began kneading and pinching at your hardening nipples. You rested your head back flush against his chest and closed your eyes.

Buck started to remove the straps from your shoulders when you felt Eddie’s hand scale all the way up your body and wrap around your throat, pinning you in the position. Your tank top was down around your midsection with a hand around your throat and kisses being placed randomly on your upper body.

Buck lifted the tank top up and off completely before teasing your lips with two fingers. You instinctively open your mouth, taking in the same fingers that have given you orgasm after orgasm. He pushes past the soft palate of your tongue until he feels your throat constrict around his fingers and fight against Eddie’s grip. You gag with his hand in your mouth earning a deep moan in your ear. He slowly pulls out, draping the string of saliva down your chin and letting it run down. He keeps doing that until he’s gathered enough for a nice streak to run between the valley of your breasts and down your stomach.

You are incredibly close to cumming when Eddie licks a full strip from your pussy up to the stream waiting for him. He stands up biting your shoulder just as roughly as Buck when he looks his partner in the eye. You couldn’t see Buck’s reaction, but you could guess what it was by the way you’re being flung over Eddie’s shoulder. He lands a nice slap to your ass before beelining for the bedroom. You look up briefly to see Buck right behind, taking off his shirt with a smirk.

You only heard the door close, but the neighbors heard everything else.

[be4chywritez]

tie the knot | logan sargeant

logan sargeant x piastri!reader

You and Logan officially tie the knot.

masterlist!

beachy’s notes🐚: reader is adopted

Logan had been in love with you since the day you punched another kid for calling him a loser.

That was when you were 12 and he was 13. Oscar teased him about it endlessly until Logan finally mustered the courage to ask you out. He remembers it so clearly.

You were both sitting on the dock of a lake where your parents had organized a get-together. Oscar had gotten bored of staring at the water and wandered off. Logan looked over at you and asked, "Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

You looked over, flushed, and shook your head. "No."

"Do you want a boyfriend?" he asked, his eyes flicking nervously to your lips. You scooted closer, your knees brushing against each other, both of you blushing at the contact.

"I think I do," you said, avoiding eye contact and staring off into the water. You heard him take a shallow breath.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

You whipped your head towards him. "You want me to be your girlfriend?" you asked, shocked because the boy you’d had a crush on since you were twelve was asking you to be his girlfriend.

"Yeah, I thought you liked me," he said, flushing deep red and scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I do!" you blurted out too quickly. You cleared your throat. "Um, yeah, I do. I want to be your girlfriend." You smiled, and he let out a breath of relief.

"Oh, thank God. I was nervous you didn't like me and that would be—"

You cut him off with a kiss. You weren't sure if you were kissing him right, your lips awkwardly pressing against his. He didn't pull away, but his hands hesitated before gently holding your arms. You pulled away, both of your cheeks flushed. "Was that good?" you asked, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Yeah, it was good," he smiled, looking just as flustered as you felt.

You both went back to watching the lake, sitting closer together now, your shoulders touching shyly. Occasionally, you pointed out a fish flopping in the water, stealing glances at each other and giggling nervously.

Logan watched you talk to Lily, both of you wearing smiles on your faces. You waved goodbye to her as she walked back to the side of Alex’s garage.

Looking back up, you noticed Logan watching you, and you flushed. Even now, he never failed to make you blush. He leaned against the counter, a relaxed smile on his face. “Hey, babe,” he said, reaching over to peck your lips.

“How are you feeling today?” you asked as he pulled away, your hand running along his arm.

“I think we can get up to at least P15,” he said, meeting your gaze and letting out a sigh.

You grabbed his hand and kissed the back of it. “You’re going to score points. I know it,” you said, giving his arm one last squeeze before he was beckoned to his car by the engineers.

You let out a breath, watching him get into the car. Quickly, you sent Oscar a text, knowing he wouldn’t see it until later.

Good luck, Oz. Love you.

Slipping on the headset, you listened in to the engineers. Each time Logan overtook another car, your heart squeezed, and your hands gripped your handbag tightly. By lap 56, Logan was in P10. Nico tried overtaking him, but Logan defended his position brilliantly. You shot up from your seat, cheering, and his mechanics did the same, celebrating his performance.

A few engineers came over to hug you as well. When Logan returned, drenched in sweat, he received pats and hugs from the pit crew members. Making his way towards the back of the garage, he smiled at you. “I’m all sweaty, babe,” he said.

“I don’t care, Logan,” you replied with a smile, pulling him into a hug. You whispered into his ear, “I knew it.”

He pulled away slightly, staring at you with a look of realization and love. In that moment, he knew he was going to propose.

-

You threw a pillow at Oscar’s face. “What should I wear, pants or a dress?” you asked.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Aren’t you just going to dinner?”

You rolled your eyes. “Knowing Logan, he’s going to want to dip his toes in the water.”

Oscar hummed in agreement. “Dress,” he decided, pulling out his phone to text Logan.

She has no clue. Stop stressing.

Logan replied quickly.

What color is she wearing? I want to match.

Oscar groaned. “Gross, happy couples,” he muttered.

You peeked your head out of the bathroom. “What?”

He flushed. “Nothing.”

“So, how do I look?” you asked, stepping out fully dressed. Oscar looked up from his phone lazily, giving you a thumbs-up.

You groaned, throwing another pillow at his head. “You are literally no help.”

Just then, the doorbell rang, and your mom called out that Logan was here. You dashed out of your room, making your way downstairs quickly.

Logan looked dashing, his shirt matching your dress perfectly. He held a bouquet of flowers and smiled warmly when he saw you. “For you, my love,” he said, handing you the flowers.

You pecked him on the lips and handed the flowers to your mom. “Mom, can you put these in water?” you asked.

She nodded, smiling. “Of course. You two have fun.”

Logan walked you to his car, opening the door for you. Once he got into the driver’s seat and started the car, you looked over at him. “So, where are we going?”

“Well, I got us dinner reservations, and then we can go for a walk on the beach,” he said, pulling away from the driveway.

After dinner, Logan drove you to a secluded part of the beach. The moonlight reflected off the water, casting a silvery glow over the sand. He took off his shoes, and you followed suit, both of you walking barefoot along the shore, the cool water lapping at your feet.

As you walked, you noticed a set of candles arranged in a heart shape on the sand ahead. You laughed, nudging Logan playfully. “Looks like someone’s getting proposed to tonight,” you joked.

Logan smiled, his eyes twinkling. “Yeah, it does, doesn’t it?”

You turned to look at him, and your breath caught in your throat. Logan was down on one knee, holding a small box in his hand. “Y/N Piastri,” he began, his voice filled with emotion, “from the moment you stood up for me ten years ago, I knew you were someone special. You’ve been my rock, my best friend, and my greatest supporter.”

Tears welled up in your eyes as he continued. “We’ve grown up together. You make me a better person; I can’t imagine my life without you. You are my everything, and I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me.”

He opened the box to reveal a beautiful ring. “Y/N, will you marry me?”

You nodded, your hands covering your mouth in shock and joy. “Yes, Logan! Yes, I will marry you!”

He slipped the ring onto your finger and stood up, pulling you into a tight embrace. You kissed, feeling the magic of the moment surround you. The awkwardness of your first kiss was a distant memory, replaced by the deep, unwavering love you shared.

Suddenly, you heard cheers and claps coming from behind the nearby dunes. You turned to see your family and Logan’s family emerging from their hiding spots, all of them beaming with happiness. Oscar was at the front, a proud smile on his face.

“Oh my god, you all were in on this?” you asked, laughing through your tears.

Oscar walked up to you, pulling you into a tight hug. “Of course we were. Logan wouldn’t have it any other way.”

You hugged him back, feeling a surge of gratitude and love. “Thanks, Oz. This means so much to me.”

Oscar pulled back, a teasing glint in his eye. “Just remember, you still owe me for all the times I covered for you two.”

You laughed, shaking your head. “Deal.”

Your three sisters ran up to you next, each one taking turns to hug you tightly.

Logan stood back, watching the interaction with a warm smile. He shared a look with his own family, who were all just as thrilled. Your mom and dad approached, hugging both of you tightly.

“We’re so proud of you both,” your mom said, her voice choked with emotion.

Logan’s parents joined in, his mom wiping away tears. “Welcome to the family, Y/N,” she said, her smile radiant.

The moment was beautifully chaotic, with everyone talking, hugging, and celebrating at once. As the group settled down, Logan looked down at you, watching as you animatedly talked to your sister. In that moment, he knew he had made the right decision.

[youngheejay]

Unusual fights lead to usual love

Where lashing out at your sweet boyfriend wasn’t how you planned your evening but don’t worry - he’ll make it up to you because he can’t stand your tears.

Starring: Jay x fem!reader [established relationship]

—————

You clicked on the contact of your boyfriend. The picture of his profile made you feel a little better before the annoyance and anger started to bubble inside you again.

Why does he have to be so cute?

It truly irked you.

Your eyes skimmed your chat with him. Or more like the messages you sent to him today.

[10:43 am]

< Good morningggg ☀️ >

< have a fun shooting today my love!! ❤️ >

[3:56 pm]

< I’m making dinner for us, so don’t eat with the boys after work ok? >

< feeling really shitty today but I wanted to make you something today ❤️ >

< so that you’ll be energised to give me lots and lots of love and cuddles when you come home hihi >

< Need it so badly jjongie 🥺😞 >

[5:00 pm]

< come home safely >

< love you soooo much ❤️❤️ >

[7:34 pm]

< Babe? >

< Aren’t you coming home today early? You promised me you’ll finish by 5 :( >

[10:01 pm]

< Are you staying at the dorms again tonight? Pls lmk I’m worried. >

That’s the last message you sent to your boyfriend after deciding that you’re not worried anymore and that he can look out for himself.

You sighed, you even called him a few times and you were confused on what to feel.

Usually, when he had a shooting he could spare some time to contact you but today he didn’t.

But lately, Jay had been acting strangely as his messages during work got less and less. He even started to sleep in his dorms because ‘it was easier for his manager to pick them up all together from the same place to go to work the next morning’.

Since you agreed with him it shouldn’t bother you but still, it made you feel weird that he’d rather stay there than at his home with you. He didn’t know that you knew, but two of his fellow members were staying at their own home - that’s what their respective girlfriends told you.

Maybe he found some- before you could even finish the thought you quickly shook your head.

Enough with these thoughts. Work had been hectic lately. And he probably forgot his promise to come early to your shared home.

But it was still weird he didn’t text or call you on a shooting day. Meetings or maybe practices you could understand - it could be difficult to find a moment to be on the phone. But it’s Jay - he’d find a way for you. Usually.

Hmph.

I don’t care anymore. He’s so mean. Every man on this planet informs his woman except for mine. What an idiot.

That’s what you thought until you heard the familiar beeping of your digital door lock.

You hastily stood up from the couch, almost slipping out of your house shoes and before Jay could push the door, you already teared it open, startling your boyfriend in the process.

“Oh, hi. You still up?”

‘Oh, hi?’ - seriously ?! That’s the first thing he said after you were worried so much??

And that’s all it took for you to loose your mind.

„Why didn’t you tell me you’ll be back home so late?!“ you said with furrowed eyebrows. Irritation was shown all over your face.

Well, you didn’t actually mean to sound that harsh but you couldn’t help it!

Today just wasn’t a good day.

You weren’t feeling well the whole day. You had just gotten your period and the pain was unbearable. Your hormones were on a rollercoaster, you cried at the tiniest inconvenience and now, apparently, also couldn’t hold back your anger towards your boyfriend.

You waited for him the whole time. After all, you wanted him to give you some comfort and cuddles but ugh! He had the nerve to come home so late!

You felt aggravated that he couldn’t even inform you.

He stepped into the house, shoving you gently to the side: “I’m sorry, baby. But you know how it is when practice runs late,” he calmly explained as he took of his shoes and jacket.

To be honest, Jay tried his best to keep his cool since he was extremely exhausted and just wanted to sleep, not expecting you to shout at him as soon as he entered your home.

All he wanted was to take a shower and relax with you.

His answer exasperated you, “practice?? You told me you had a shooting today,” you frowned angrily.

“Baby… I had a long day, alright? We had a shooting and practice,” and fucking vocal lessons and recordings and some bullshit meeting, he continued in his head. The exhaustion from todays schedule clouded his mind.

He rolled his neck, his gaze falling on the ground as he tried not to fall asleep on the spot.

“Oh wow! Good to know that I didn’t have any fucking clue where my boyfriend was today!” You attacked right back venomously.

“I just wish you’d be a considerate boyfriend who notifies his girlfriend for once!” You added as you spiralled in your anger, slowly but surely aggravating Jays patience.

Jay looked up from the ground with dark hooded eyes. With confusion written all over his face, he tried to calm you down: “I said I’m sorry, ok? My phone died.”

“Your phone died? Really?” you said with clear doubt in your tone, having trouble to believe him. You stepped closer to him.

Jay scoffed, “what are you implying, y/n?”

“It’s not really believable that your phone was dead the whole day and that you couldn’t borrow a charger from - I don’t know - maybe your six fellow members or really any of the staff you work with.”

“Are you serious now?!” He exclaimed with a slight hurt tone which you didn’t seem to notice. All you could focus on were his angry furrowed eyebrows, indicating to you that he was caught in act.

“Well, maybe if you were a good boyfriend you’d find another way to inform me! Me! Your girlfriend who’s been waiting for you at home!”

Your yelling didn’t stop here as you went on and on:

“I texted you several times! And even tried to call you but it seems like you’re not even interested in trying to contact me somehow!” You exclaimed as the pitch of your voice went higher and higher.

“Y/N…” he rubbed his face in frustration.

Jay had actually a temper himself. But most of the time he tried to be the calm one in your relationship as he knew that you tended to be more emotional driven. Which would also work most of the time - you rarely got into any arguments. He just listened to your rants and always tried his best to adjust to any of your needs. But today you didn’t seem to let go of your attitude as you cut him off.

“What?! I made dinner for us because you told me you’ll be back by 5! I just want to eat dinner with you for once and you tell me your phone was dead?! That’s some lame fucking excuse, Jongseong!”

You put a hand on your hip as you were just getting started to let out everything that bothered you today: “And Ju-gyeong told me that you’re going to Japan next week?? Even Jake could inform his - I don’t even know what they are,“ Jay gave you a confused look, not quite following you as you got sidetracked.

Unfortunately, this only irritated you more: “My point is! Even Jake told Jugyeong about your tour but you couldn’t?!!”

You felt your blood pressure rise, “he even fucking texted her that he’ll come late to their fuck-session,” you didn’t mean to share that but your mouth was working faster than your brain, “and I couldn’t even contact you throughout the entire day! So don’t be surprised that I doubt you!”

And you didn’t stop: “And why did you lie telling me that everyone is staying at the dorms?!!Apparently, Heeseung and Sunghoon sleep at their own houses. So why would you stay at the dorms if not everyone is there? And don’t give me a fucking lame excuse again!!”

You just couldn’t hold yourself back. You were having such a bad mood from your cramps and everything, you just let out your frustration.

Your poor boyfriend had to be the victim since he always made you feel like you could share every little thought and feeling with him - which is a good thing most of the times.

But you didn’t consider that you could be also hurting his feelings by saying things you didn’t even mean. Like the next sentence that accidentally slipped your mouth:

“You know what? You’re actually the worst boyfriend ever!!!”

And that’s when Jay snapped.

“Are you fucking serious, y/n?? I just came home from work and the first thing you do is to fucking yell at me??”

“Well, if you would just talk to me for once you, you-”

Jay cut you off with a loud, anger filled voice: “Enough! Just shut up! You’re giving me a fucking headache!”

The deep and loud bass of his voice made you flinch in response, your eyes widened and your hands started to tremble a little.

You’ve seen your boyfriend angry many times but it was never directed at you. He always talked to you in a calm manner and never snapped at you.

You had to admit, hearing him like this scared you.

But you tried to quickly gather yourself - your own anger dominated your head.

You let out a faux scoff as you tried to cover your fearful reaction: “Me?? Why would I shut up, Jay?! You’re literally-“ Jay cut you off once again.

„Because you’re being really difficult right now, y/n! Quit acting like a child maybe and don’t bother me anymore! For gods sake!“ Jay shouted angrily and walked away heading to the stairs.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at him, “where do you think you’re going? We’re not done yet!”

“We’re done, y/n!” He yelled in frustration. “We’re fucking done.” He repeated quietly as if he talked to himself.

But you could still hear him. What does he mean by that? He’s not breaking up with you, is he?

Your world halted for a minute. Why would he break up with you? You just had a little fight over nothing, that’s not a good enough reason to end things, right?

Right?

You took a deep breath. Ok, that escalated. You didn’t mean to get so mad at him. But still, you were hurt. Why didn’t he tell you that he’ll be on tour again next week for three whole months? Why did you had to find it out through someone else?

And you knew that you shouldn’t compare your relationship with others but when you were talking with Ju-gyeong on the phone she suddenly told you that she received a sweet text from Jake informing her that he’ll be late tonight and that she shouldn’t worry about him.

Normally, this wouldn’t faze you at all but after she told you about the tour you were already feeling a little sad. Well maybe not a little, you were crying the whole time after you ended the call.

Did he not care about you enough to tell you important stuff like this? You couldn’t help but let your mind wander off and even questioned Jays loyalty towards you. What if he found someone else?

It honestly wouldn’t surprise you. Not because Jay neglected you - not at all, he was actually the perfect partner you always dreamed of. He was well mannered, looked after you, always treated you with respect, cherished you and made you feel so so loved.

No, it wasn’t him who did something wrong to make you wonder if you even were worthy of his love. It were those stupid stupid comments and post about your idol boyfriend on every platform you scrolled through.

There were so many pretty people who commented about the good looks of your boyfriend and how they hoped that ‘his girlfriend could fight‘ or that ‘his girlfriend is lucky because he’s such a gentleman and sweetheart’.

Well, duh! You knew that! That’s why you’re together with him for more than 3 years!

But what if he also knows that and realises that he deserves someone better than you? What if he leaves you one day for someone who is just as good looking and treats him way better than you do?

So no, it wouldn’t surprise if he did leave you one day but it would - to put it in mild words - crush your world literally. You already felt sick to your stomach when you thought of this possibility.

And of course, you knew you should’ve just talk with him about it. About everything that’s been on your mind lately. The tour, the dorms, the comments.

Your rational side told you to stop being dramatic and to not let these doubts and fears get to your head. But, somewhere deep inside you, you feared that his answer would hurt you tremendously.

But you guess your final straw broke after todays events and you let out all of your frustration which was previously trapped somewhere deeply hidden inside your heart.

You truly didn’t think that this fight would escalate like that and that he’d say something like this.

I fucked up real bad.

You decided to follow Jay and make things clear but when you went upstairs to your bedroom you heard him taking a shower.

Ok, he wouldn’t be taking a shower if he wanted to break up, right?

You let out a deep breath when you noticed tears flowing down your cheeks.

You tried to be level-headed. The fight wasn’t even that serious. Your relationship is way too serious and secure to end it over a silly fight. You tried to calm yourself down.

You sat down on the edge of your bed and closed your eyes in frustration.

God, I’m such an idiot. He’ll definitely leave me because of this.

You sighed, your head hurt, you stomach was cramping - you just wanted to lie down and forget everything. Regret took over your whole body.

I’m so stupid. I’m so stupid.

You covered your face with your hands as your entire body shook from your sobs. You bit your lips as you tried to not make any noises, not wanting to bother him any further.

When you heard that the sound of the water splashing stopped you quickly lied down and shuffled far away from Jays side of the bed. Wiping away your tears, you sniffled quietly as you hid yourself with the blanket and pretended to be asleep.

You held your breath as you heard him rummaging around your room, probably getting dressed for bed. And when you heard the door click you thought he would join you in bed but you were wrong.

The next thing you knew, you heard footsteps on the other side of the door and after a while you heard your front door close.

Did he just leave like that?

You panicked. You quickly stood up and went to your hallway, your eyes searched for his shoes but they were nowhere to be found.

Tears formed in your eyes as you fell down on your knees and started sobbing yet again.

Did your boyfriend of three years just leave you like that? Without even saying anything to you? You couldn’t believe it.

Uneven gasps left your mouth as you couldn’t control your sobs. You knew that this fight was your fault but still! How could he do this to you? You thought he loved you after all.

Why am I so stupid? He clearly had a tough day and I should be the one who gives him comfort and a safe place when he comes home.

No wonder he’d rather stay at the dorms than here, with me.

Your sobs grew louder and louder. After sitting there for about 15 minutes your headache became stronger and you went back to your bed.

You tried to ignore the emptiness of your shared bed by lying yet again far away from his side and by not facing it.

You closed your eyes but your tears didn’t stop. Your mind was racing, thinking about Jay.

Suddenly, you heard the beeping of your doorlock causing you to open your eyes. You froze on the spot as you recognised Jay’s footsteps heading upstairs.

Yet again, you held onto your breath trying to make no noises when he opened your bedroom door. You shut your eyes and listened to his every move actively. When you heard him settling beside you, you couldn’t help but feel the guilt and sadness eat you up.

You could’ve been cuddling with him now. Ugh, this is so stupid but you couldn’t turn around and tell him you’re sorry just like - you fucked up too bad for that.

Out of nowhere, you felt Jays hand rest on your waist. His warmth and tender touch brought new tears to your eyes as you continued to pretend to be sleeping.

“I know you’re awake.” Jay said quietly with a rasp in his voice. His voice sounded like he just spent some time crying.

Shame and sadness took over your whole being. I made him cry, you thought regretfully.

You took his hand and pushed it off of your waist. You were too embarrassed and ashamed of yourself to face him now.

But Jay wasn’t having any of it as he yet again snaked his whole arm around your waist and pulled your body easily to his firm chest. You tried to wiggle away but he encircled his other arm around your body, holding you down with a strength you couldn’t fight.

He buried his face in the back of your neck, leaving small kisses all over it. Your heart melted at his action.

„Hmm… you’re my whole world, you know that,” he murmured against your skin, making your heart race as a blush crept up your neck, “my lovely precious girl.”

“My sweet sweet flower,” he pulled you closer to him as he sweet talked to you, “why are we fighting, baby? I just want to cuddle my love.“

Suddenly, you turned around and buried your face in his chest. You clutched onto his shirt as you began to sob loudly in his embrace.

„I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You cried so hard that your whole body was shaking in his hold.

“Babe… my love…” he sighed softly and started caressing your back in hopes to calm you down.

“Why are you crying? Don’t cry, hm..? You’re breaking my heart, babygirl,” he spoke softly as he pressed a gentle kiss on your forehead. Feeling his soft lips on you caused warmth and safety to spread throughout your whole body.

Jay felt himself tear up a little at the sound of your crying. He put one hand on your head and pushed it further against his chest. The other encircled your waist impossibly tighter as he tangled your legs with his own - your bodies almost melted together.

You couldn’t respond to him as you further snuggled into his chest, wetting his shirt with your tears.

“Shh, it’s ok. I’m here, hm? Don’t worry I’m here,” he patted your head lovingly.

“I- I thought you left me just now,” you mumbled so softly and quietly against his chest that he couldn’t even understand you.

“I’m sorry, princess, I couldn’t quite catch that. Please repeat that for me, my love,” he spoke ever so tenderly and with upmost love and affection reflecting in his voice.

You looked up to him and his heart broke at the sight of your crying face. Your eyes were reddish, your cheeks were wet and a hue of pink shimmered on your nose from all the crying.

He put his hand, which was previously patting your head, on your cheek. It encouraged you to speak again.

“When I heard you leave just now, I thought you le- left me because you said ‘we’re done’,” you hiccuped, your whole body shook yet again because of the anxiety you felt at the thought of him breaking up with you.

“Babe.. aw my precious girl,” he pulled your head back to his chest as he snuggled his cheek on the top of your head.

“You’re so cute, you know that? When you cry like this. It truly breaks my heart,” he put a kiss on your hair, rubbing his hand on your back again.

“Hm? Don’t cry, my darling. I would never leave you, baby, you know that, hm?” he cooed at you as if you were a baby - his baby.

“We’ll never break up, honey. Especially not because of a silly fight. This relationship with you is it for me. I’m gonna marry you one day and we’ll grow old together - you know this, baby. Why’d you think something like this, sweetheart?”

“I- I-“ you sniffled lightly, having trouble to express your emotions, “I don’t know. You never yelled at me. I don’t know,” you repeated, “I think I got scared because I was really mean to you.“

You tried to calm yourself down but you couldn’t help and sob quietly when you muttered: “and then you said we’re done and left me just like that. I thought you were angry at me and meant that our relationship is done.” You clutched onto his shirt as tightly as you could.

“Oh Baby…“ he put his forehead against yours and caressed your cheek with thumb, “I just didn’t want to fight with you, baby. I was just really exhausted and I’m sorry I talked to you like that.”

He kissed your nose as he continued, “that was wrong of me. And I’m not angry at you. We’re good, babygirl.”

He kissed your temple as he put your face against his neck, trying to calm you down. Which really helped - you felt like a heavy weight was lifted off of your heart. In response you wrapped your own arms around his torso.

“I only went outside to take out the trash and then I felt like the weather was refreshing. So I took a walk to calm down. I really regretted how I spoke to you. I’m your boyfriend after all, I should make you feel loved and protected. Not scared…” he whispered the last sentence as he felt a lump forming in his throat.

He cleared his throat, “I shouldn’t have told you to shut up. I’m really, deeply sorry. Please forgive me, princess.” He took your hand and kissed the back of, then held it firmly against his chest.

“Hm?” he put his chin on your head and closed his eyes, waiting for your response.

When he didn’t hear anything from you for a moment he got worried. “Baby?”, he leaned slightly back to look at your face as he brought his fingers to your chin in order to lift it up.

But you quickly tightened your grasp around him and hid your face in his chest. That’s when Jay realised that you started to cry again.

Jays concern grew bigger as his eyebrows furrowed in worry, „y/n? What’s wrong? Did I say something wrong?“

You let out a quiet sob and shook your head. „No,“ you answered.

„My love, please tell what’s wrong so I can fix it, hm?“ he requested ever so gently and rubbed your arm.

You looked up to him, your eyes were shiny and adorably big and your lips formed a small pout as the guilt and regret grew bigger.

“This fight was totally my fault, Jay. I shouldn’t have talked to you like that. Especially not if you just came home from work. I shouldn’t have doubted you. I should be the one apologising but you’re too good for me,” your tears streamed down your face and Jay’s crease between his eyebrows grew bigger.

“I think you did the best in that situation otherwise it would’ve escalated further if you wouldn’t have ended it, Jay. So please don’t apologise. Please forgive me,” you sniffled.

“It’s ok, baby. Sometimes when I get irritated and feel my blood boil you just have this magic in you where you immediately calm me down. I should’ve done the same to you but I was just exhausted from todays schedule I couldn’t contain myself. And it’s also my fault because I gave you reasons to be mad. I’m sorry for everything. Let’s just forget everything today. Ok, my love?”

Jay hoped that this would help you calm down entirely so that you could spend the rest of the night in peace together.

You shook your head again. You were tired from all the crying, but still, you just couldn’t hold the tears back in front of your boyfriend.

“Stop apologising, Jay!“ You whined. “This fight was entirely on me, you’re making it worse!”

„Sorry,“ he chuckled to annoy you and to lift up your mood. You just snuggled further into him as a response.

“Let’s talk about it then, baby. Tell me everything that bothered you,” he pushed your hair behind your ear as he looked in your eyes with nothing but love and patience.

You bit your lips and your eyes wandered elsewhere, avoiding his.

“Y/n.“ he demanded in a soft tone.

“I didn’t tell you I’ll be late today, hm? That’s what bothered my princess? From now on I’ll let you know, ok?“ You nodded quietly in response.

„But babe,“ he chuckled softly while he caressed your hair again lovingly, „I already told you that my phone died. And usually you don’t really mind when practice runs late. Tell me what’s really wrong,“ he just knew you too well.

„I just,“ you took deep breath as you tried to stabilise your voice, “I felt really awful today because, you know, I told you… I got my period and you know how I need you to cuddle with me especially when it’s the first day. And then I prepared dinner for us even though I wasn’t feeling good but I wanted to because we never eat dinner together… but when you didn’t show up it just broke something in me I guess…” you blinked your tears away.

You looked at Jay but he was already gazing at you with the softest eyes. He gave you the reassurance that he was listening. He repositioned you two, now you were lying on top of him and snuggled your face in the crook of his neck as he was on his back.

“I’m sorry, that was stupid of me. I had in my mind that I needed to be home early but we were so caught up in our schedules, I didn’t even realise it was past 10. We were so busy, I honestly forgot that I had a phone and a girl waiting for me,” you chuckled at his silliness, “when I realised how late it had gotten, I thought you’d already be sleeping so I didn’t even bother to charge my phone. Who else would I need it for other than my girl?” He spoke softly.

You pouted at him, “you’re so cute.” You kissed his cheek lovingly, when regret clouded your heart.

The corner of your lips went down, “I’m sorry for saying you were lying. That was so wrong of me, please forgive me.” Your eyes glistened with nothing but sorrow and regret.

“It’s ok, baby.” Jay comforted you, unsatisfied with the sad look on your face.

“And then? What happened that you were so upset, princess?”

“And then I - I don’t know - I saw these comments online talking about how great you are and it made me insecure that maybe I’m not good enough for you and that’s why you didn’t bother to contact me.”

Jay had to hold himself back from interrupting you and to tell you to stop thinking such nonsense, but he let you have this moment to pour your heart out.

“I now know that you couldn’t, but at that moment it just got too much. Because the other day I went to a café date with Minju and Sooyun - you know the cute café with the cute rose petal cups that I wanted to find?” Jay hummed, reminding himself in his mind to buy them for you, allowing you to continue, “that day, we were just talking and I told them I don’t see you so often because you sleep in the dorms. Then they told me that their boyfriends never go to the dorms, they looked at me with such a pity look. It just felt weird, like I exposed your secret and they felt bad for me. Why-“

You bit your lips, hesitating to continue your question. “Why would you sleep there when the others don’t?” you asked in small tone and your heart started to beat a little faster.

While Jay stroked your hair he spoke softly: “Baby, everyone sleeps there nowadays except for those two selfish idiots. Hee is just being a stubborn idiot who likes to make life harder for our manager and Hoon’s apartment is nearby our dorm. That’s why they don’t stay there. Well, Hee did sleep for one night and then he had a fight with Jungwon. Maybe Sooyun forgot that in the moment.”

“Minju’s apartment is not near your dorms,” you stated confused.

“Baby, Hoon’s home is. Not Minju’s.”

“They don’t share a home?”

“No, I think they use both of their apartments and take turns, or something.”

“Oh,” you truly felt embarrassed.

“I’m-“ Jay put a finger on your lips shushing you, “no apologies no more. It’s okey, misunderstandings happen. That’s why we’re the best team on this earth because we make everything clear.” You nodded shyly.

“What else did you wanna talk about?”

“Uh, nothing-“ you then remembered the one big thing.

Of course your boyfriend noticed the shift in your voice and raised his eyebrows.

You nuzzled your face against his neck again, sadness taking over you yet again for nth time this day.

“You’re going on tour next week…? Jugyeong told me today. I pretended that I already knew - but you have no idea how devastated I was, jjongie,” you said his nickname with so much pain in your voice that he couldn’t help but close his eyes in regret.

You sniffled quietly and clenched onto his shirt, “after that she got so excited because Jake texted her ‘so sweetly’ that he’ll be visit her later. I don’t know, I guess I was jealous? And then I got mad… I know it makes no sense but I was just hurt.”

“It made me feel like I’m not important enough for you.”

Jay’s heart broke at this sentence.

“Don’t say something like that, princess,” he kissed your head, “you’re the most important person in my life. And I’m sorry I made you feel the opposite.”

“why didn’t you tell me about the tour, jjongie? Why?”

He sighed softly, “It’s just… I didn’t tell you because you always get so sad whenever I have to leave for a long period of time. And I always feel like I failed you and our relationship whenever I have to leave you alone.”

“So what was your great master plan? Telling me one night before?”

When you didn’t hear a response from Jay you lifted your head to look at him.

Then you saw a sheepish smile spread over his stupid yet cute face. His expression resembled a child who was caught by his grandma stealing a candy from the kitchen drawer.

“Jay!” You exclaimed in disbelief. “Are you for real?”

“Babeee…” he whined childishly,

“I don’t know what my plan was. I just didn’t want to make you sad - that’s all I know. Whenever I had the chance to tell you - I couldn’t. You always are so happy and beaming so brightly, I just didn’t want to ruin your mood. Please don’t be mad.” He nuzzled your cheek with his nose.

“But! I am mad, Jongseong! Of course I’ll be sad when you leave me whether it be for three months or three hours. I like having you around me!”

“I’m glad to hear that,” he grinned as he put your head back to his chest.

You huffed, “I want you to share every little thing with me, jjongie. No matter how sad or mad I’ll be, that’s why you’re here with me, right? You always know what to do to make me happy again. And even if you don’t - you alone are enough to give me comfort and happiness.” You pressed a kiss on his clothed chest as you rested your chin on the same spot to look at him again.

“From now on you have to share every information you have from your company immediately with me. On the same day as you get it. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He pulled your body upwards so that your face lied directly next to his. His arms were wrapped around your body, meanwhile your hand rested on his chest.

Then he lowered his voice, “I already have my schedules for the upcoming year, should I show you?”

“Not now, jjongie. I still need to process the news from today,” you chuckled sadly.

“Can I kiss you now? I’ve been waiting the whole day.” You didn’t verbally respond to that as you just leaned in with closed eyes.

Jay kissed you slowly and sensually, trying to convey his apology and love for you in a way he couldn’t do with words.

You felt safe and protected, caged in his arms like that. The kiss expressed nothing but pure love and devotion.

“I love you, you know that, right?” He murmured against your lips.

“Hm,” you couldn’t quite response as he didn’t wait and entered his tongue inside your mouth. One of his hand laid now on your jaw and guided you. You quickly realised that this kiss had a faster tempo and tried to catch up.

Needing a quick break from the kiss-turned-into-a-makeout, you pulled away slightly.

But his kisses didn’t stop as he kissed you all over your jaw and neck.

As he did so he changed your position by laying you completely flat on your back while he went on top of you.

Pushing the blanket aside, he supported himself by resting one of his arm next your head whilst his other hand went down to hold your waist.

“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me,” he mumbled as he left wet kisses on your cleavage.

He leaned into you as you felt his warm minty breath against your lips, “don’t ever doubt our relationship, baby. And before I forget-“ he leaned back slightly to look at your face properly and squeezed your face with a firm hand, giving your squished pouty face a stern look: “from now on you’re on a social media ban. No comments or contents. Don’t mind those comments, they don’t know me like you do. You’re perfect for me. And no fight will break us apart. Even death won’t do us apart.�� Alright?”

You nodded slightly as you tried to suppress the lump in your throat. However, a single tear escaped your eye, exposing yourself.

Jay kissed away the tear. “Good girl,“ he whispered as he let go of you face and attacked it with several kisses - on your nose, on your temples, your eyelids, and lastly, he kissed your lips.

You kissed him back and encircled your arms around his neck, pushing him further down to express your need for him.

He hummed against your lips in satisfaction and let his hand wander underneath your shirt to caress your bare stomach - leaving goosebumps all over it.

His hand then travelled down your ass, squeezing it lovingly.

“Jjongie-“ you gasped in surprise.

“Let me make it up to you, my baby. Let me show you how truly sorry and regretful I am,” his kisses trailed down to your cleavage again.

You wanted to protest - but he didn’t give you any chance to speak up as he started to suck on your nipple through the thin fabric of your top. You relaxed in his hold and sighed so softly, “feels so good.”

Since you prepared yourself for bed earlier you didn’t wear a bra which resulted in making you feel every movement of his mouth - and his tongue.

You stuttered his name in a quiet moan, “J- Jay,” and closed your eyes to feel every tingle rushing throughout your body.

Unconsciously, you tangled your hands in his hair and pressed his face into your boobs.

Just as he was about to hook his finger around your pyjamas to pull it down you stopped him by grabbing his hand, “w- wait!”

He gave you a questioning look - confused at your sudden movement.

“I’m sorry! I totally forgot that I’m on my period.” You pouted sadly.

He gave you a cocky smirk, “well, that didn’t stop us before.” He raised his eyebrows in amusement but didn’t make any movement to continue.

He actually did the opposite - he pushed your pyjama and top back to place and laid back next to you. After covering you both with the warm blanket, he cuddled you just like you had been doing before.

“That was one time,” you said in a scolding tone, feeling your neck and ears heat up.

“And it was in the beginning of our relationship! How do you even remember this? At that time we hadn’t seen each other for a few months, ok? I think it was 4 months,” you started to ramble, “or was it 3? And if I remember correctly, it was a huge mess. And, you know, that’s not healthy. Actually I read somewhere-“

Before you could continue, Jay put his hand along your jaw and pressed his thumb against your lips, making you shut up. You were flustered, to say the least.

“It’s okay, baby, I was just teasing you. I forgot it myself,” he glided his thumb across your lip.

You took his hand in your own and pecked his lips.

“I’ll reserve the energy and gladly fuck you into oblivion next week before I leave,” he whispered against your lips, catching you off guard.

“Jongseong!” You exclaimed. Flabbergasted at his boldness, you hit his chest with your palm.

“What?” He teased, “why are acting so shy now?”

You didn’t reply to him - you were too embarrassed, even after all those years of his teasings. You hid your face in the crook of his neck as you cuddled further into him.

The atmosphere shifted quickly into a cozy one as he started to rub your lower stomach.

“Does this feel good?” He asked in a soothing tone after a couple of minutes passed.

You hummed, “it’s making me sleepy,” closing your eyes.

“Hm? My girl is so strong. Sleep tight, baby. You cried a lot today, you should rest,” he kissed your forehead, worried that you might get a headache.

Suddenly, you disturbed the silence.

“Jjongie?” you whispered.

“Hm?”

“I didn’t mean that earlier, you know? You’re the best boyfriend I never ever even dared to imagine. I’ll work on my temper,” you mumbled sadly, full of regret thinking about your words earlier.

Jay had to think for a few seconds as he didn’t understand what you were talking about at first.

When it clicked, his embrace around you got tighter, “I know you didn’t mean it. Don’t worry your pretty little head over nothing.”

He caressed your head in order to help you fall asleep: “I’ll work on my communication.”

“‘s oke,” you mumbled sleepily.

“Love you ver’ much jjong’,“ you muttered incoherently.

“I love you more, my love,” he whispered.

———————

Comment and reblog pls, appreciate likes but tumblr doesn’t :(

[st4rrzynight]

𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝐈’𝐌 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐘 — 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 — 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐠𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐝 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫, 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐛𝐞𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐮𝐢𝐥𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭– 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐧𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚𝐟𝐚𝐫

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳˢ ᵖᵒᵛ

𝟏𝟎:𝟓𝟑 𝐏𝐌. i anxiously stared at the time on my phone. it has almost been an hour and paige still hasn't shown up. tonight is my birthday, she promised she'd show up after she washed up from tonights game.

i'm looking around as my friends converse around me in my apartment. my roommates have already questioned me on the absence of my girlfriend. i wish i knew why she wasn't here either.

i enter the passcode to my phone in a hurry as i pull up her contact and type out a message.

Paige 💜🫶

hey, where are you? everyone’s asking about you... are you on your way?

i'm so sorry, babe. i can’t make it.

what?

i know, i know. I feel awful about it, but something came up the team wanted me to come celebrate tonights win with them

its my birthday paige you promised you would be here. going out with the team is suddenly more important than your girlfriends birthday?

it's not just "going out". it's to celebrate tonights win, and it's kind of a big deal. if i don't show up, it could look bad. i don't want to let them down, you have to understand.

no paige, i don’t understand. I’m standing here, surrounded by my friends, and i have to keep making excuses as to why you’re not here. do you know how embarrassing that is? to not have my own girlfriend show up to celebrate my birthday??

i'm sorry, okay? i’ll make it up to you. i’ll take you out somewhere nice tomorrow just the two of us, yeah?

no paige it’s not about “making it up.” it’s about showing up when you say you will. but you NEVER do.

that’s not fair. you know how much pressure i’m under i just want to celebrate the win, look i'll make it up to you tomorrow i promise.

paige i am so tired of this. seriously, you keep making empty promises, you get my hopes up only for you to tell me a half assed excuse that you pulled straight out of your ass last minute.

please don’t do this right now. i’ll call you after i leave.

don’t bother, we're done.

what??

read 10:56

what do you mean were done??

read 10:58

y/n answer me please baby

read 10:59

please ill do anything ill make it up to you i promise please answer my message baby

⚠︎︎ not delivered

꥟

ᵖᵃⁱᵍᵉˢ ᵖᵒᵛ

two years. 730 days. i lost her two years ago today, i lost it all. i know it was my fault, i put everything above her and i deeply regret it. now i have to live life in regret watching from the sidelines as she celebrates her birthday once again. this time, with her girlfriend.

her laugh filling the air knowing i used to be the cause of that laughter. admiring her from across the bar, sitting in between my teammates as they make conversation yet i can't bring myself to take my eyes off of her.

i scan ever inch of her body my eyes stopped on her wrist, then her fingers, then her neck. every single piece of jewelry i got her, gone. none of it in sight as if it never existed.

a hand on her thigh from a woman who was a copy of me. blonde, blue eyes, tall, and she plays soccer. but its not me. it will never be me again.

i can't even blame her, thats why i hate it. i hate that i can't hate her no matter how hard i try because in the end i will always love her and it will always be her.

even if i'm not her happy ever after. i distract myself trying to find someone new but it never ends well. i always find similarities between the girls i've gone on dates with and her. thats what attracts me to them, the fact that they slightly even look like her. but they will never compare to her full look, no one will.

so for the rest of time ill find myself watching from the sidelines seeing her take on life with someone who isn't me by her side, someone who looks like me but is not entirely me.

it will always kill me, it's going to eat me alive till i die. knowing that i'm not hers anymore, i won't be looking for her in the student section knowing shes there. instead ill be looking for her in the student section in hopes she decided to show up, but i know she didn't. she's going to be in the student section of the soccer games watching and cheering on her.

i won't be able to buy her flowers anymore, instead i watch as she gets gifted flowers by another woman. except those aren't her favorite. they're the wrong flowers.

i wont be able to buy her the perfume she always wears when it runs out, her signature scent that i always loved. instead i watch as she gets gifted perfume by another woman. she sprays it into the air and by the time it reaches where i sit i know its not the one she loves. its the wrong perfume.

i won't be making late night sephora trips, picking out her favorite makeup products when shes running low. instead i watch as she gets gifted makeup by another woman. its the wrong brand.

because of my mistakes, ones that i regret so deeply, i now live with the gnawing feeling knowing that she now loves a woman who doesn't pay attention to small details and gifts her all the wrong things, on her birthday of all days, but she showed up. i didn't.

clearly i lacked attention to detail as well if i couldn't see how much i truly disappointed and hurt her and didn't even show up. i wish it went down differently.

every shooting star, every coin toss into a fountain, every time the clock hits 11:11, every fallen eyelash, every dandelion, my last two birthdays, my only wish was to have her back.

but i cant.

not anymore.

and it hurts.

i open up my phone clicking on her contact, i type out one last message, even if i know she won't ever get it. i type it out and send it as some type of closure.

𝐢 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐢'𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲.

⚠︎︎ not delivered

𝐚/𝐧 — 𝐧𝐨 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐢𝐟 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐍𝐎 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐛𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲, 𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐜𝐡𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐦𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 ��𝐞𝐰 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫

𝐚𝐥𝐬𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝, 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲𝐫𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐢𝐭.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 —

@uwupaige @jadasogay @sweetluna20

[teopatra]

✨ pick a number reading✨

Hola, me llamo es T’Asia I go by Teopatra. Grand water trine babe, lifepath 8 & Scorpio stellium. I’m a Leo sun and was sick for my bday so I wasn’t able to embody the Leo energy for my season sooooo, here I am now on the first day of Virgo season exercising my creative muscle lol

How do others feel about you?

(Can be platonic or romantic) feel free to pick more than one message

Enjoy xoxo 💋 teo ✨

Group # 1 :

you make people nervous or you get nervous when you realize someone is staring at you or has a crush on you and when you get nervous, it turns people on LOL people love to see you sweat because everyone looks at your reactions to things to compare how they feel, but you’re pretty attractive to a lot of people & may not even realize it some people wish they could cuddle/sleep next to you literally not in an intimate type of way just a romantic type of way or people could want to know what you look like when you sleep lol you give Angel baby vibes.

Pay attention to angel numbers 123 12:34 and 1:23, 😵‍💫 emoji or 📲 emojis

If you’re going thru your Saturn return , take note of your half birthday, also go back in your camera roll 6 months or to any November if any year and check your notes from 2020.

Signs: Pisces, cancer, libra, Capricorn or you know someone from that sign or nah dislike these signs

Group # 3 :

you have a warm nature and a nice looking physique I’m getting you don’t have the typical body whatever that means like you’re not a BBL IG figure you have a frame that makes people want to hug you or be near you because your energy is comforting. Someone or there’s a few people who have crushes on you and a small group of people may talk about how you look good and they be may be super nice to you and you kind of find it weird then it dawned on you 😂 that they like you people always want to touch your hands or share a pencil is what 😆.

Pay attention to angel numbers 333 and 5:55, 6:56 and 1:27 or that could be your bday

Lifepath 8s, the 🐸 emoji or lots of butterflies

Aries , gemini, Taurus or lifepath 7’s check camera roll from January or February, Aquarius season is significant

Group # 8 :

Other, see you as they’re saving grace like just when I feel like giving up, you save the day and you make them realize there’s more to life than was keeping them down people want to know how to be confident like you and I want to learn from you, but they feel stupid for asking for help. You may be expressed expressive are open with your emotions. Why people may know you to cry and random situation even though you’re not sad and that makes them laugh or smile because you’re just so silly and funny and cute.

Emojis 🐄, ❤️‍🩹, and 📿🩸. Your school colors can be red or that’s your favorite color.

Lifepath 2 and 7. Signs can be Aquarius, Taurus, libra, Leo, Scorpio or Sagittarius or check where these are in your chart for more messages

Check camera roll for April, angel numbers 11:11 or double numbers and reflective numbers like 12:21, 22:10, 22:11, 21:12 or 636 / 636 can be your area code iykyk lol

[c-h-i-m-es]

-idyllic

itoshi sae x gn! reader

11:56 pm 

you finally finish and submit the assignment due four minutes later. you stretch your arms up and close your laptop. 

feeling like you’ve been sitting in your desk and typing in your laptop for what felt like forever, you think of taking a walk and grab something to drink to refresh yourself.

you put on your hoodie on and grab your phone, wallet and the keys. locking the door behind you, you walk out your apartment and walk down to a twenty four hour store.

it is late but there are street lights providing the lights and you just hope you don’t run into some stranger you don’t wanna encounter. as you reach the store, you tell the guy behind the counter your order, your favorite boba flavor in a large size.

being the only person they are serving, you just have to wait a few minutes before they call you to get your drink. you pay for your order and walk down the road.

the night time is quite chilly so you put your one hand inside the pockets of your hoodie and take sips of your drink while you walk to a park nearby. you walk near the small playground in the park and see a figure sitting on the swing, head down, deep in thoughts, which makes you stop your steps.

you narrow your eyes to check the person out. you could see the man’s red hair which brings one very specific person in your mind. hoping it is who it is, you take your phone out and message the guy in your head as you take a few steps towards the playground.

you: am i seeing things or is that you?

coincidentally the guy seems to have a need to check his phone, and he quickly looks up. your face breaks into a smile as soon as you see the teal colored eyes looking at you.

“sae!” you say his name with excitement lacing your voice and run to him. as soon as you reach him, him now standing, you put your arms around him, “ah it’s so nice to see you.”

he puts his one arm around your waist and brings the other to stroke your hair, “we were together in the afternoon dummy.”

you look up at him with your arms still around him, “yeah but it’s nice to see you here, so randomly.” you place a kiss on his lip, “whatchu doing here at this hour?”

“i just couldn’t sleep so i got out for a breather. i could ask you the same though.”

you pull away from him and sit on the swing, him doing the same and sitting on the one besides yours, “i just submitted the assignment and i had to get a drink.” you offer him your drink and he accepts it. 

“you should rest though, don’t you have practice early in the morning tomorrow?” he sighs and closes his eyes after handing you your drink, “yeah, but i can’t stop thinking about stuffs for some reason.”

he lets his thoughts out and you both talk for quite a while after that. 

“why don’t you come over then?” he looks at you after your suggestion, "you said you were having trouble sleeping, we can go over to my place and i’ll make you tea which can help you relax. and we could spend more time together.”

he cracks a smile and nods, “yeah i’d very much like that.”

you get on your feet, “great then, come one my boy.” you hold out your hand for him which he takes and gets up from the swing. he intertwines your finger as you walk out the park after you throw the plastic cup in a near bin.

“ugh i feel tired.” you whine as you rest your head on him. “why did you even come out then, you should’ve just gone to bed you know.”

you look at him and scoff, “yeah and you still would have been in that park alone. be glad i came out.” he playfully rolls his eyes, “of course, i am oh so glad for that.”

“keep taking with that sarcastic tone and i will leave you to chill out here.”

“you love me too much to do that and you know it.” he looks at you with a smirk on his pretty face.

“you’re lucky you look good or i would have killed you by now.”

“you’re lucky i love you babe or who knows where i would have thrown your body.”

you gasp and hit on his arm, “sae! that is so mean of you.”

he chuckles, a smile on his face which instantly melts your heart. you are so glad he doesn’t show that pretty smile of his around other people or you’d have to poke so many eyes of other people to prevent them from seeing such a beautiful sight. 

“i’m kidding babe.” he cups one side and kisses your lips. you kiss him back almost immediately, grabbing on the collar of his sweatshirt to pull him closer to yourself. 

no matter how many times you get to taste him, you could never get enough of him. you place your one hand on the back of his neck and tilt your head, deepening the kiss.

you pull away, just enough to look at his face and smile seeing the soft expression on his face that only you could see.

“come on pretty boy, let’s go home.” he places another soft kiss on your lips and takes your hand on his, “let’s go, love.” 

[ellekhen]

Hand, Hearth, and Home

Chapter 56 - Of Waterdeep

Chapter Summary: On the eve of Halsin's attempt to save Thaniel, Church still finds himself disturbed by his own encroaching darkness. He seeks out a friend also haunted by a similar sort of imminent doom, and together they commiserate and contemplate their respective supposed fates.

Pairing(s): Astarion x Male Tav (Main); Past OC x Male Tav Rating: Explicit Length: 292K+ words; Chapters 56/?? (Master Post)

Excerpt below:

“Over here!” a voice calls softly.

Gale has seated himself upon the grass, a blanket spread neatly beneath him and what appears to be the remnants of ritual components. His hands conduct the illusion like an orchestra as they dance soundlessly overhead.

“I was looking for you,” Church mutters wryly, seating himself carefully upon the blanket. Gale’s face is notably serene, rather than the troubled expression that furrowed his brow days earlier. “You’ve been here the whole time?”

“Not quite,” Gale murmurs as he carefully arranges a constellation of stars above them. “I walked around a fair bit. Talked to some of our allies — Halsin, mainly. Took care of a few things. Prepared a few… missives,” he hesitates. “There was one thing left to do, and it was to apologize to you.”

Church huffs a laugh. “I’m not one for grand gestures, but this… this is a nice change,” he admits, scanning the sky. “As far as an apology goes… I’m not sure it’s merited. Not on your part, at any rate.”

Gale shakes his head, flicking away a few stars. “There I was, spouting on about some noble sacrifice I had to make, when I had been berating you for the very same thing.”

“It’s not the same,” Church admits. “You were tasked by a goddess to do something that will save the world. I’ve got a couple of mad fey luring me into another deal for my own selfish reasons.”

Gale frowns. “Wanting to continue one’s existence isn’t selfish.”

Church shoots him a wry glance. “That’s what I’ve been trying to say to you, isn’t it?”

Gale chuckles, casting his eyes back up. 

“So you’ve already spoken with Halsin, then?” Church inquires. “I was going to ask you to help. His diagrams were a bit confusing…”

“I have prepared the relevant components and charts for the Harpers,” Gale assures him absently. “It is too soon to prepare such rituals for them to remain potent for Halsin’s endeavor. We have… some time.”

“And you’ve made use of it,” Church follows his eyes back up to the starry sky. “I should’ve known this was your doing. It’s beautiful.”

“Indeed. The curse is still present of course — just veiled and at arm’s length for now. Not a trick I can repeat often, but tonight?” Gale’s voice falters. “Tonight is different.”

He exhales wistfully. “I love this time of night. There’s an almost reverent silence that accompanies the peak of darkness, when you’d almost believe the dawn will never break.” 

He gestures a hand grandly across the view. “The timelessness of lovers. The most beautiful of fantasies.”

Church eyes him with concern.

“You’re sounding particularly philosophical,” he remarks cautiously. “Are you alright?”

Gale huffs a cheerless laugh.

“I will be, soon,” he nods grimly to himself. “I am perhaps just one hard day away from being without any troubles at all. Any night might be my last alive. If it is this one, then… I wanted it to be under a canopy of beauty and wonder… and with company to match,” he adds with a smile, nudging Church playfully.

But his smile falters as the tiefling continues to scrutinize him. 

“I thought this place might bring me peace. I thought it might make the weight of what I must do feel a little lighter…” Gale looks down, face falling. “...but I am not so sure.”

Finally, Church lets out a harsh sigh. “Fuck it. You know I wasn’t going to drop it — is this truly what you want? To die for the promise of Mystra’s forgiveness?”

Gale smiles bitterly. “Babe or crone, coward or hero, death is assured. Mystra’s forgiveness is not. If you knew the end was near, would you not want to ensure it had meaning?”

He glances back up at him, troubled. “I am… terrified,” he admits. “I will not claim otherwise. My face could scarcely conceal it even if my words sought to deny it.” 

“This isn’t the end,” Church insists fervently. “Not yet. We still have some time. We still have questions that need answers. We…”

“Church… thank you. But even if we do find another way, perhaps this is the right way. The end fate wishes for me.” Gale nods to himself. “There is no point running from the inevitable. Better to meet it, on my own terms.”

“Nothing is inevitable,” Church retorts fiercely. “Not when we face it together. I don’t have to die. And you don’t have to die.”

“Yes,” Gale chuckles. “But there is so much to live for, and so few moments in which to house it all.”

Church takes his hand. “But there are moments,” he says fervently. 

Gale chuckles. “Believe me, one moment in your company has often been enough to prise the fear from my heart. And I…” he hesitates. “I have missed your company, my friend. These past couple days. And I’m so very glad you came here to share this with me.”

He gestures vaguely up at the sky. 

“I know that this is unreal, but I created it for you.” He looks shyly over at Church. “You must know that you’re… you’re very special to me.”

The wizard feels warm nestled against Church’s side, seated in this protected corner of the cursed land. Church’s heart throbs with fondness, but also some trepidation. Where is he going with this?

“The point is…” Gale looks up into the sky. “…time is short. Every day, every moment is uncertain.”

“I thought we’d have more time,” Church whispers in agreement. 

They sit in companionable silence for a long moment longer, watching the aurora the wizard had conjured ripple shimmer across the sky in wide, iridescent stripes. 

“I… want to show you something,” Gale says. “If this were to be the last night of my life, I think I’d like to share in the Weave with you. Take you somewhere that isn’t the Shadowlands.”

He smiles at the tiefling. “Any ideas for sunnier locales?”

Church thinks to himself for a long moment. And then he huffs a laugh. “At risk of you calling me uncreative… why not take us back to Waterdeep?” he suggests with a smile. “I never appreciated it enough when I was there. It was never a home for me… but I’d like to know what it was to you.”

Gale beams at him. “On the contrary, I think that would be rather apt.”

He reaches his hand forward — parting the Weave like a curtain to reveal a luminous scene before them. Eventually the light focuses to reveal a charmingly-cluttered room with accents of dark wood and heavy green curtains. The walls are full of books, and the edges of the rug-strewn ground are lined with piles of even more books. 

“This is the center of my universe,” he says, pushing himself up to stand. “The sculptures, the paintings, the walls enlivened by the spines of a thousand books..."

Church takes his hand as the wizard helps him to his feet, continuing to gesture around them grandly.

“...the grand piano plays the Lliirian Suites all by itself, and as we look out beyond the arches that lead to the terrace…” Gale beckons Church forth as the double doors open to a sunlit terrace, “…we see the weary sun take its daily dive into the sea.”

Church follows him out, shading his eyes from the golden glow. 

“That’s nice,” Church says, voice breaking as he takes in the warmth of the sunset. “It’s only been a couple weeks, hasn’t it? But it feels like we’ve spent months here in the Shadowlands already.”

He settles himself heavily down upon a wooden settee with red cushions, sighing. Gale smiles down at him. 

“My favorite spot,” he remarks idly. “Many times, evening turned to night and back to daybreak once more while I sat here, lost in words.”

“Sounds like you,” Church smiles back at him. “Up all night reading? I do love that rebellious streak of yours.”

“Oh, allow me to live dangerously while I still can,” Gale smirks.

The wizard settles beside him as Church gazes over the panorama of the terrace’s view. He inhales the sea air deeply. 

“I think you’re remembering the harbor on a good day,” he comments wryly. “It’s missing the fish and smoke.”

“A memory isn’t perfect by nature,” Gale murmurs. “But sometimes the imperfection is what makes a moment beautiful. It’s the essence of the memory that matters. It comforts us, it…”

He traces his finger along the arm of the settee as his voice catches. “It’s home. I…” 

Gale turns to look at Church with wet eyes. “This was… an excellent choice,” he says, straining to keep his voice steady. “If something were to happen, I should like to see home again. Even if it’s not real. Even if…”

Church pulls him into a hug, holding him close as the wizard struggles to stifle a sob.

“No, damn it, I refuse to be a blubbering mess,” Gale chuckles wetly, though he returns his friend’s embrace. “This isn’t quite what I imagined when I wove this for you.”

“What did you imagine?” Church grins as the wizard begins to pull away from him.

And then he realizes then that Gale’s shining eyes are soft and awed, as if he is the view, and not the harbor behind them.

“Gale…?” the tiefling whispers as the man leans back in towards him…

…Gale’s lips are tentative and admittedly a little clumsy as they press upon Church’s. The wizard’s stubble tingles where it brushes against his skin, his hand warm as it comes to rest against his cheek. The tiefling freezes there, scarcely able to comprehend the moment as it passes like one of the harbor’s ships in the wind. 

Still, Church kicks himself for how long it takes for him to get ahold of himself and push his friend gently away, an apology in his eyes. 

Gale draws back at once, lowering his hand hastily. 

“I’m…” the wizard looks flustered in his own fantasy, pulling away completely. 

Church smiles sadly at him. “Look, it’s alright. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. That was impulsive of me. If things were different…” Gale swallows, looking down to the floor as he fidgets with his hands. “If we had both met back then in Waterdeep, I would have taken the time to do things properly. To say it all better.”

His mouth twists. “…perhaps be more charming. More forward.”

“Gale…” Church sighs. 

“I’m sorry,” Gale chuckles ruefully. “I didn’t intend to bring you here to subject you to my regrets, nor did I intend to make a complete ass of myself.”

“You’re not an ass,” Church protests easily.

Gale shrugs sheepishly. “I lived the life of a hermit for some time before I met you — these sort of rituals aren’t quite in my grimoire, to say the least.

“I know I missed my chance,” he admits with a sigh. “I thought, for a time, that what you had with our companion was merely a…” he blushes, “…physical… distraction. But I should have seen it plain upon your journal's pages as much as in your eyes.” 

He looks up at Church with a tight smile. “Your heart is with Astarion.”

Church has no desire to deny it. Not anymore. 

“It is,” he says softly, a smile tugging at his lips despite himself. 

Gale looks away from him. “He’s lucky to have you. It’s clear you have been helping him keep the metaphorical darkness at bay. I only hope he does the same for you.”

Church follows his gaze out into the harbor. “He makes me want to fight for the future,” he murmurs. “A future where he’s safe. A future full of sunnier days by his side, where he doesn’t need to be afraid.” He sighs. “Where neither of us have to be afraid.”

“A noble pursuit,” Gale says evenly, smiling stiffly past his quiet, embarrassed devastation. 

“Gale…” Church squeezes the man’s hand briefly. “I don’t think loving someone as a friend is worth less than being in love with someone. I don’t think I’ve had a friend like you in quite some time, and now that I have that… that’s also something worth fighting and living for. 

“And tonight’s not the last night,” he adds firmly. “You’ll live to come back to Waterdeep — for real. And I’ll…” He hesitates. “I want to visit you,” he says earnestly. “You’d be the closest thing I’d have to home there. So please… don’t write yourself off.

“I know it’s not what you hoped for, but this?” He holds up Gale’s hand and shakes it, squeezing tight as he smiles wanly at his friend. “I’d still fight for this. I’m not going to let my friend die if there’s another way.”

Gale huffs a laugh. “Do you… really think there is another way?”

“There has to be,” Church insists. “I’ve let the gods take a lot of things from me, but you’re someone I won’t let go so easily.”

“Nor are you,” Gale smiles softly at him. “Not if I have any say in the matter.”

He gazes out once more over the harbor of Waterdeep, sighing gently. “But I suppose we all must return to reality…”

He snaps his fingers, and in an instant they are back in the clearing, the aurora flowing serenely overhead.

“...one way or another,” Gale mutters wryly.

Church feels his heart sink a little, already missing the warmth of the sunset — illusion or not. Still, he nudges his friend. “It’s not so bad,” he murmurs. “After all, you’re still here.”

Gale huffs a tired laugh. “Damn you,” he says without much heat. His lips can’t seem to help but smile. “Damn you for giving me so much to care about. Our friends, our adventures… this would have been so much easier if it was just me. But it isn’t.”

His thumb brushes over Church’s hand again. 

“If there is a way — any way — to save all that’s grown dear to me… I want to seize it.” He then grimaces. “I just cannot fathom what that might be, other than to fail Mystra and condemn the world.���

“Let’s take it step by step,” Church tells him. “First, we save Thaniel and lift the Shadow Curse. Then, we take Ketheric’s artifact away from him and destroy it. After that, we attack Moonrise Towers, destroying Ketheric for good. And then…”

He hesitates.

“...then, we’ll have a better idea what the true heart of the Absolute is,” Gale finishes for him. “We can strategize again along the way. Adapt. And maybe by then we’ll have found something that isn’t… me.” He sighs. “I have to hope.”

Church squeezes his hand, smiling. “And I’ll hope with you.”

Gale leans against him, staring up at the stars.

“Stay with me, will you?” he asks shakily. “I… I don’t want to think of it anymore. But I don’t want to be alone either." 

“Of course,” Church murmurs, draping his cloak across his friend’s shoulders as well. “For as long as you need.”

Start from the beginning!

[the-unacknowledged-ones]

Be nosy all the even numbers!

2: Did you get to sleep in today?

🌕: yes, inside a coffin

4: Do you have siblings?

🌕: yes, my younger brother, Sun.

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

🌕: no idea

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

,I🌕:Mmm don't know, my dad will be pissed off though

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

🌕: mm probably

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

🌕: time flies fast, I don't know

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

🌕: a bathrobe

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

🌕: having a snack

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

🌕: I don't like telling lies. Not even to myself

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

🌕: bite certain person's neck

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

🌕: 4hs

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

🌕: someone tried to manhandle me... That bruise cost them much

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

🌕: cut the call and send a text. I don't like speaking on the phone much or will make it a videocall and just walk around in with my phone

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

🌕: my brother, he has to stop living in his fantasy

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

🌕: strawberry marmalade.

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

🌕: showering

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

🌕: I cursed the own that made my coffee as it was burned.

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

🌕: checking the pictures of the one that sent me this

38: Are you a happy person?

🌕: if things are fun, yes.

40: Where do you want to live when you're older?

🌕: I don't know but sad hasany places I can choose from.

42: What did you do yesterday?

🌕: work

44: How late did you stay up last night?

🌕: very late

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

🌕: not really

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

🌕: only if they raise from the dead, some people are masochist.

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

🌕: no, I know he is

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

🌕: oh if they even try I will teach them a lesson, I promise they won't cheta again.

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

🌕: how much are you betting?

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

🌕: stomach or side

58: What would you change about your life right now?

🌕: nothing

60: Are you on the phone?

🌕: yes, trying to call the one that sent me this

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

🌕: I have both, any other options?

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

🌕: not that I remember

66: Are you the type of person who likes to be out or at home?

🌕: at home

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

🌕: watching series, yes

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

🌕: I am older than that nad I have no child that I know

72: What’s your favorite color?

🌕: black

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

🌕: my phone

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

🌕: please do tell. I will.not wish to read your mind to find out

78: Does anyone call you babe?

🌕: nope

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

🌕: I prefer a bookcase

82: Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

🌕: MMM not so far

[electricgoldtendercare]

confession.

hi babes!! i’ve been working on this one for ages and finally finished it yesterday. it’s a joel miller au where he is a priest🧍🏼‍♀️😇. definitely sacrilegious so please avoid reading if that can be a trigger for you!! basically just filth! maybe a part 2 coming if anyone is interested? tia 💗

MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY

warnings: smut, pure filth, religious terms, reader afab, gendered terms, oral male receiving, slight voyeurism??, sex in a church, i’m so sorry, praying so hard after this one, age gap (24 & 56), more of my terrible endings, not super edited,

————————

Okay, you can do this. You’ve confessed so many times before. It’s simple. You tried to convince yourself as you walked up the steps to church. It shouldn’t be different, should be the way it usually was but something was different. That something being the new Priest, the man who prompted you to even need to confess in the first place. Father J, that’s what he liked the congregation to call him. Everyone immediately fell in love with him, all the women whispered that he was handsome and all the men wanted to invite him over to their barbecues. You hadn’t been immune to his charm either, that being what got you into this mess. 24 years old and marching up the church steps to confess to probably the most embarrassing thing you could think of. You should have dressed up a bit more, clad in your work uniform and messy hair tied up in a bun. Just tight jeans and a fitting t-shirt that proudly displayed the name of the restaurant you worked at across the chest. Church was meant to be judgment free but you knew if any of the old ladies in the congregation saw you walk in that way you’d be the talk of the week until another young woman did something that they deemed worse. Regardless, you walked to the front of the church and found the confessional with the door open, inviting you in to make a fool of yourself.

Stepping inside, you shut the door behind you and settle into your seat. scratching at the denim of your jeans to release some anxiety. “Good Afternoon and Bless you, my child.” You hear, his voice bringing you comfort along with more stress. “Hi…” You sigh, remembering your next words. “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.” You say quietly, looking towards the wall between you and seeing the outline of his head and broad shoulders. “Go ahead, confess your sins.” Going quiet to allow you to confess. You take a deep breath, preparing yourself before speaking up. “I don’t know..exactly how to say this. Ever since you came to our church, well, your church now, ever since then i’ve had these feelings. You obviously know, ok well maybe you don’t know, but you’re very handsome. All the women in the congregation talk about it like all of the time.” You laugh and you hear him chuckle quietly, you wouldn’t have been able to even hear him if you weren’t in such a confined place. “Anyways, i’m sorry. This is weird for me to admit..” You whisper. “Would it be easier if we were face to face?” He asks, “No! No, I'm sorry. No, sir. I think my face would be far too red telling you this to your face.” You admit, taking yet another deep breath before deciding to just come out and say it.

“I had a se-explicit dream about you and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. I’m so sorry. I feel so so bad!” You say, bracing yourself for the man to raise his voice or leave the cupboard for you to sit in silence with your filthy thoughts. You notice the air around you change, becoming more heavy as the seconds tick by. Finally, after what feels like forever he speaks up. “I-There’s no need to apologize, this is why i’m here.” His voice is strained, an octave lower than normal but you were far too embarrassed to even notice. “Just this one dream?”

“Yes…well, no. Father, please forgive me. I keep having this same dream: I find myself daydreaming about it when I know I shouldn’t. I tried to tell my mom but she told me I should come share with you so…yeah.” The man next to you nods slowly, letting out a shaky breath as he attempts to compose himself. He knew it was you over there, he had seen you walk in and through the rows of benches closer to where he was.

“I see…Well, dreams of that variety are common. I have people coming in all the time to confess them. Do you remember what happened in this dream? and these daydreams..” He was toeing a very thin line, knowing that what he heard next might not be easy to sit still during. As much as he attempted to be immune to thoughts about sins of the flesh he was just a man, a man who had a beautiful young woman admitting something like this about him, to him. Your cheeks turn bright red, not having expected to be asked for specifics. You had been prepared to confess and then forget it ever happened, but here you were opening your mouth to explain the dream to your priest. Your sweet, kind, handsome priest…No! God Forgive me. You were just going to have to live in the confession box if your thoughts kept moving that way.

“Okay well..” Here goes nothing. How specific were you supposed to be?? “It starts the same every time..you ask me to stay after mass to help you with something. Once everyone is out of the building..i’m helping you put the hymn books back. Most of the time I feel you come up behind me while I'm putting them away…your hands touching my waist and I can feel your breath across my neck.” You reach up to rub the back of your neck instinctively, trying to ignore the steady heat that was beginning to burn in your belly. “After I would feel your breath I'd..I’d…it’d be your lips on my neck. Kissing and..and sucking.” You whisper, not daring to look over at him. “Go on..”

“Well you’d leave a lot of marks..all over my skin. I remember one you said that you wanted everyone in the congregation to know how much..how..oh i’m sorry, father but how slutty I was being for you..”

“Shh, it’s alright.” He whispers, voice deep with something you couldn’t put a finger on. It couldn’t have possibly been lust, could it? “Would it make you feel better if you came and sat with me while you told me more?” He asks and you think on it quickly before nodding. “Yes Father. That’d feel better.” You say and leave your side, walking around to the side of the confession box he was in and stepping inside. Bodies were close together, fingers brushing over each other as you found a place to stand. “Kneel, my child. Then continue on.” He orders, voice still soft and kind which makes it easier for you to follow his direction. You put your hands on his thighs to steady yourself as you knelt down in front of him, cheeks bright red at the compromising position. He nods his head to urge you to continue and you take a deep breath before you do. “This happened in the dream too…all over the church. You’d ask me to kneel and pray but it always ended up with…well, you know.”

“Use your words.” The voice came out gruff and more pointed than it had been, catching you off guard. “Oh, um. It always ended up with your co-with me on my knees giving you a blowjob.” You whispered the last word, even if the way he was staring at you made you want to admit every dirty thought you had ever had about him you still felt like you should have some shame.

“Are you thinking about it right now?” He asks, hands laying gently on yours where they held his knees. You stared at his hands, slowly letting your gaze wander up to his face where you found his pupils blown out and his lips parted ever so slightly. You weren’t sure where the situation was going, preparing yourself for anything as you slowly nod. “I am…I’m sorry.” You whisper and you hear him let out a shaky breath. One of his hands moves to push your hair out of your eyes, fighting himself in his mind over what to do next. He absolutely should kick you out, apologize for letting it get so far out of hand but he was frozen, unable to glance away from you. His fingers move down your jaw and you lean into his touch, feeling his thumb brush over the side of your mouth which causes your lips to part, head pathetically turning to find the finger to wrap your lips around it. Keeping your eyes on his, you start to suck on his thumb slowly and surely, letting all of the desire drip out of you and into the action. Your eyes found his once again as you used your tongue and lips around his finger, the digit becoming coated in saliva as you did so. He let his other hand move to the back of your head, a gentle touch turning into a grip on your hair to keep you in position as you worked his thumb. You felt so filthy, your knees aching from kneeling in the confession box as you hollowed out your cheeks. You felt the urge from your chest and down between your thighs to please the man in front of you in any way you could.

He pulls his thumb out of your mouth, a trail of spit connecting it to your lips and away as he did so. You lay your head on his thigh, staring up at him expectantly. You were pretty sure that you’d do absolutely anything he asked in that moment, mind clouded with lust and senses overwhelmed with the scent and feel of him. Gone were the worries of even having these feelings for your priest, all you wanted was to be a good girl for him and the feelings were stronger than ever. You open your mouth to ask him what he’d like from you next but the words died out when you both heard the door to the chapel swing open and shut. His eyes filled with panic as he glanced between you and where the footsteps were coming from. You squeeze his thigh to get his attention and mime a zipper closing your mouth before throwing out the key. It looked as though he was about to make you leave but the other side of the booth was filled before he was able to make the decision. “G-good afternoon, and bless you child.” He says, shaking his head at the way he was tripping on his words. You thought it was cute, the way he seemed so nervous from here, though you were sure whoever was in the booth next to you would never guess.

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.” You hear, trying to decide the best way to make your next move. You slowly slid your hands up his thighs, dangerously close to where you could see a tent in his pants just waiting for you. You stifle a groan when you feel his hands grip your wrists tightly to attempt to stop you, sending you a warning glance as he listens to the member. You stop, but only for a moment before you let your fingers brush over his covered member. You went teasingly slow, partially to tease him but also so he wouldn’t trip on his words in the middle of his prayer. You were unsure where the newfound confidence was coming from, maybe the way he was reacting from your touch was encouraging you to keep this up, keep up the act of being over confident when in reality you were not. You make careful movements to undo the button of his pants, moving extra slow with the zipper so it wouldn't make any noise. Once it was down you were able to see the outline of his cock in his underwear, licking your lips subconsciously as you let your hand lay against it with the lightest touch. His hand was still on your wrist, gripping tightly but not moving you. You’d have a bruise in the morning and the thought brought you more excitement than anything else.

At a lull in the conversation you took a deep breath in preparation before sitting yourself up on your knees and leaning over to press a small, open mouthed kiss against the clothed outline. It felt warm against your lips and you had to suppress a giggle when you felt it twitch against your touch. You feel his stare watching your every move, like a lion about to attack it’s prey. You let your mouth wrap around the tip, using your tongue to slowly soak the fabric that proved as a barrier. You quickly look up through your lashes and notice it seems he has stopped breathing, bringing a smile to your face and causing pride to grow through your chest. You slide your mouth up and down his length, coating it in saliva and enjoying the way the outline becomes more prominent. You hear the boring lull of whoever was next to you drone on, a reminder that staying quiet was the safest thing to do. You pull back, watching him curiously as you slowly slide two fingers below his waistband and start to pull them down. You wait to make sure he won’t stop you, that he wants this as much as you do. He only nods as he keeps speaking and soon you have his boxers pulled down, letting his cock spring up before you.

So, you’d never actually seen one in person before and the way it stood proudly in front of you gave you pause, the newfound confidence you had was dissipating until you just felt nervous. Sensing a change in you, he raises an eyebrow as if to ask if you were still wanting to do this. You nod back almost too quickly, taking a deep breath before moving forward. You feel his hand on the back of your head and watch as his other wraps around the base of his cock, guiding it to your open mouth. You feel him rub the tip over your lips, biting down roughly on his own. You let him hit the tip on your tongue a bit, feeling as though you could moan simply at the taste of him. This was so much better than your dreams, the weight of his cock on your tongue and the way his hand gripped the back of your head harder each time was better than anything you could even imagine. “Suck” He mouths the word and you nod obediently, wrapping your lips around the swollen tip. You let your eyes flutter shut as you did so, reveling in the feeling before you felt a yank on your hair. Your eyes pop open quickly and looked at him with concern, had you hurt him? had you been caught? You watch as he points to his eyes and then to yours and you nod in understanding. Maintaining eye contact, you wrap your lips around the tip again and take it fully into. your mouth, using your tongue to lick the leaking slit like you’d seen in films you certainly shouldn’t have watched. You watched as his lips moved but you were too focused on the way your own stretched around him to hear any of the words he was saying. You felt his hand that was on the back of your head pushing against it, taking more of him into your mouth. You could only hope that what you were doing was good, that you were pleasing him in a way he deserved. You wished you could hear the way you were making him feel but you had to rely on the way his hand gripped the back of your head and the look in his eyes. You vaguely can hear the confessional door shut and footsteps walking away from the two of you. You pulled up, staring up at him expectantly.

“You’re doing so well, how about you keep going?” He asks when the door to the church shuts and you nod eagerly, fueled by the praise he had given you. You take his cock back into your mouth and finally you hear a deep grunt fall from his lips and land right between your thighs. You test out a small moan, letting your lips vibrate against him which brought out another moan from the man above you. You were sure you could die and go to Heaven…well if you weren’t already fairly sure sucking off your Priest in the confession box took away your invitation there. Though his moans may be the most heavenly sound to grace your ears and you wanted to be the one to elicit such sounds from him forever. Soon the booth was full of the noise of your mouth working his cock, having ventured down further to take as much of him as you could, his hand helping you stroke the rest of his length as you did so. “Such a good girl.” He would mutter, the hand not gripping your hair brushing across your forehead and down your cheek, admiring the way they hollowed to take him in. You felt his hips stutter against your hands and glance up at him with a questioning gaze. He nods in response, looking like he was about to ask you a question but stopped himself. You pull off slowly, keeping your lips close enough to brush against the tip as you speak. “You can come in my mouth..” You whisper before wrapping your lip back around him once more. That seemed to elicit the response you wanted from him as you hear his moans speed up and his hand grip your head the hardest he had yet. You pause your movements just long enough to let him maneuver his hips up to thrust into your mouth, once, twice, three times and he was letting out a string of whimpers as your mouth filled with his cum, struggling to keep it all in.

Once he was seemingly done, you take your time licking up his length to clean him up, planting a soft kiss on the head before sitting back on your knees and wiping your mouth with a thumb. You look up at him with a proud but shy smile, watching as he tucks himself back into his pants and lean back against the wall. There was evident struggle behind his eyes, one you could tell was from fighting himself over what had just happened and if he was strong enough to stop it. He reaches forward to pull you up, helping you sit on his lap and face him. He pushes some of your hair back out of your eyes when his own land on your now extra plump lips. After what felt like a minute, he was pulling you close to press your lips together. Your heart raced even more than it had being on your knees for him and you let your hands lay on his chest as the kiss deepened. You took note to remember how his facial hair felt against your skin, the pattern of his now calmed breathing, even the way the fingers on his left hand fidgeted as you kissed. Your skin burned where he held you and you were sure you could stay there forever. Unfortunately for both of you, you needed some air. No words were shared as you both caught your breath, chests rising and falling in time with each other. Suddenly there was a loud ringing and you realized it was your phone, your mom calling you specifically. You compose yourself before answering, letting her know you’d be home for dinner soon but leaving out the specifics of where you had been. You knew she wouldn’t be upset that you went to confess but you were sure if she asked you about it later you’d have no way to hide the flush on your cheeks as you reminisced.

“I better go..” You speak, staring at your priest with a small pout on your face. His thumb finds your bottom lip, rubbing softly to rid you of the sour expression you held. “Go see your family, it’s important.” He says and you nod, opening the door before stepping out into the empty church with him behind you. You saunter towards the front doors before turning on your heel to face him, twiddling your thumbs a bit “Thank you, Father.” You says sweetly, leaning up and kissing his cheek before quickly turning to leave the building. He watches you as you make your way towards your car, shaking his head a bit. He signs the cross as he walks inside, heading straight to his prayer cabinet to repent for his sins and the ones he was already thinking about committing with you.

[iamnotthere-idonotdie]

dream of me

part three

…………………………………………………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………���……………….

synopsis: reader has been moved away for a few months and wishes they’d stayed in gotham. but a trip to metropolis may provide the opportunity they need to try to reconcile with bruce.

content: bruce wayne x reader, implied depression, some cursing, no smut

a/n: this one took a bit longer to get written down because i kept getting stuck, but im glad i was able to finish it. i still have more parts in mind that i want to include in this series but i don’t know how fast i’ll be able to get them all done. also thanks for the likes on the last two parts!

…………………………………………………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………………………….

“are we still on for dinner tonight?”

your boyfriend is on the other line.

“yeah sure. my place or yours?” you ask.

“how about we go out? there’s this japanese restaurant i’ve heard is good. we could try that.”

“okay. 7 o’clock sound good?”

“sounds great. i’ll pick you up?”

“sure.”

“okay, babe. see you then.” your phone beeps after he hangs up. the screen goes back to your favorites list in your contacts. bruce is still on it. you haven’t had the will to delete it.

it’s been three months now since you left. you didn’t think you’d move on this quickly but robert has proved to be a good companion for you. or at least some kind of distraction. you sit there at your desk, just staring at bruce’s contact. you know you shouldn’t make personal calls on company time but you needed to hear a familiar voice. today has been difficult. some days are better than others. some days you feel fine, happy, content with your job and with robert. other days, like today, it’s like a rain cloud is looking over you and at any moment the monsoon will come. you glance at the top of your screen and the clock says 4:56. you suppose you can leave a few minutes early. you grab your bag and leave your desk, heading toward the elevators. your mind sends you a flashback to that first elevator ride with bruce. sometimes you wish you could just forget about it. all of it. press a button and make the hurt all go away. the memories. the reminders that drip with pain and longing, filling your mind to the brim with tidal waves of regret.

you regret so much. you regret not telling bruce how you felt. you regret not insisting that you stay, whether he wanted to be with you or not. you regret leaving. you thought being away from him would allow yourself to heal but it’s just made every little detail of life remind you of how it all went wrong.

you often find yourself still checking gotham news sites. almost every article is a new story about how well he’s doing. how the company is thriving, how he’s creating new outreach programs and divisions to help the city. he even started a new program, like the one you worked with him on, this time supporting students interested in fine arts. photograph after photograph shows him in different gotham schools, giving out new supplies and resources. he’s doing amazing work there. and you’re still here, coming in every day to sit at a desk and make spreadsheets. the job offer turned out to be too good to be true. you were promised travel, but the furthest you’ve gone is phoenix. and it wasn’t even for work. you finally step off the elevator and into the garage where you see your car where you left it. at least you got that assigned spot.

back at your apartment, you drop your bag on the kitchen table and flip through your daily supply of junk mail. you go into your bedroom and open the curtains to let the remaining rays of sun come through. you look out over the city. you can admit it’s a beautiful view.

you sit in your armchair and stare out the window until robert texts you that he’s downstairs. you get another notification on your phone at the same time, from the gotham gazette. the headline stops you in your tracks toward the door.

“bruce wayne and mystery woman seen leaving local restaurant”

you feel a gasp get caught in your throat and your chest tightens. you can’t be mad that he’s moved on when you have too, but the pain still comes. you click on the link to the article. paparazzi pictures of him with his arm around her shoulders threaten to bring tears to your eyes. the restaurant sign behind them glows and you realize it’s the one you suggested you’d go to with him. the one you almost suggested you’d go to. you never got the chance, because he instead had his own suggestion in mind.

you close the app and sit down at the kitchen table, putting your head in your hands. it’s all starting to rush back again. that pain. that intense, overwhelming pain that takes your breath away.

your phone dings again with a text from robert, telling you to hurry up or you’ll miss your reservation. robert. not even him can make you catch your breath.

you grab your bag and head out anyway, not wanting to stand him up. you get to his car and open the door. bruce would’ve come up to your apartment and walked you down. he would’ve opened the door for you.

“hi babe,” robert says cheerfully as he leans in to kiss you. you turn your head so he just catches your cheek.

“long day?” he asks, sensing your mood.

“yeah. long day.” you say flatly.

robert tries to the fill the car ride with small talk. you can only muster the occasional one or two word response every few minutes. you get to the restaurant and robert leads you inside.

“reservation for robert?” he asks the host.

“right this way.” you get to your table and sit across from robert and open up your menu.

“i’ve heard the steak here is really good.” he says as he flips through his menu.

“hm.”

“or i’ve read that their salads are good too...”

“mm hm.”

“do you want to get a bottle of wine?”

“sure.”

“maybe an appetizer?”

“okay.”

“…these dumplings look good.”

“yeah.” you feel irritation rising.

“or the edamame—”

“jesus rob just fucking pick something.”

he closes his menu fast and all but slams it on the table.

“what the hell is your problem?” his voice rises and you feel people starting to look in your direction.

“keep your voice down.” you set your menu down too.

“no, i’m tired of this. what is going on? why are you being such an ass?”

“i’m not being an ass, you’re being annoying.”

“i’m trying to talk to you.”

“then talk to me.”

“i try but you won’t so much as look at me let alone actually engage in conversation.” he looks at you with hurt in his eyes.

“what’s going on? you’ve been acting so weird lately and it’s been freaking me out.”

“i’ve been acting how i always do.”

“no, you’re not. over the past few weeks you’ve been getting more and more distant. you never actually talk to me about what’s going on with you and you’re always angry or upset or…” he lets out a disgruntled sigh.

“i’m just worried about you.” he says quietly.

“it’s just been stressful at work. that’s all.”

“no, i know that’s not it. look, i understand that you left a lot back in gotham, including your ex.”

you look down at your lap and your cheeks get hot with anger.

“but it’s not fair to punish me for the decisions you made.”

with that you grab your bag and stand up from the table and leave the restaurant. you wave down a cab and open the door, but robert comes up behind you and closes it.

“you can’t just run away. we need to talk about this.”

“talk about what exactly, robert? the fact that i’m miserable here? the fact that not a single moment goes by without regretting leaving? the fact that i can’t sleep at night because all i can think about is him? i can’t do this! i’m stuck! i’m stuck in a city that i hate because it’s not home. i’m stuck at a job that promised me the world and i all i get is a shitty desk and a worthless title. i’m stuck in a pointless relationship with someone i know i’ll never love. i’m done, robert. i’m just… done.”

you open the car door again and get inside. you look out the window and see a tear roll down robert’s cheek. that’s all you know how to do now. spread the pain around onto other people and watch the tidal wave crash into them too.

you lie in bed that night and just let the tears flow. you pick up your phone and delete robert from your favorites list. bruce wayne still sitting there, waiting. you click on his contact and remove it too.

your eyes are puffy that next morning from crying yourself to sleep. you park your car in your spot and head inside. you sit at your desk and try to wake yourself up with a cup of coffee. you just try to get through today. one thing at a time.

after a few minutes jonathan locke walks up to you and hands you a folder.

“we have a lead for a project in metropolis i’d like you to take a look at. if all goes to plan, you can go next week and present it.”

you take the folder and open it. it’s for a renewal project that will target the growing unhoused population.

“metropolis?”

“yes. it’s far but i think you can handle it.” he says with a smile.

you can’t help but feel like he’s patronizing you. you look back down again at the folder. it’s either your desk or metropolis.

“okay.” you just say quietly.

“oh, well great. that was quick. i’ll get you set up with tim who’ll be spearheading the trip and you guys can coordinate on responsibilities.”

“okay, thanks.”

“and it’s close by gotham so you could visit your old stomping grounds too.”

jonathan walks away from your desk and to his office. you think back to that night you met him, when he gave you a folder similar to this with an almost-irresistible offer. you thought you’d be leading the division. turns out the proposal said you could be leading the division. you should’ve read the fine print.

you and tim meet up that afternoon to discuss the trip. you like tim. he’s nice, respectful, and understands you want to be doing more so he delegates a lot of his responsibilities to you. or maybe he just wants a free trip to metropolis so he’s dumping the work on you, hoping you’ll appreciate it. no matter his true intentions, you do enjoy the extra work. it helps distract you.

“oh, also,” tim stops you as you start to leave his office after your discussion.

“jonathan wanted me to let you know that we can bring a plus one on the trip, on the company’s expense. my husband is gonna fly in after the meeting, you should bring your boyfriend.”

“oh… i think i’m actually gonna be flying solo, tim.”

“oh, is everything okay with you guys? i’ve only met the guy once but he seemed pretty great.”

“um, not really... we ended things last night.”

“last night? i wouldn’t have come into work today, honestly.”

“yeah, it was pretty rough.”

“well, for the record, i lied. he kind of seemed like an ass.”

you laugh. “he isn’t so bad. we just weren’t right for each other.”

“well i can attest to that. before chris i was with this guy who i just knew wasn’t the one for me. it took meeting chris to see that though. i realized that i never saw a future with the other guy. but with chris, he’s the one i always want to be around. when we’re apart it’s like… i don’t know like—“

“like you can’t breathe. like all the air in the room has been sucked out.”

“exactly… you sound like you speak from experience.”

you just look down at the floor.

“well whoever they are, if you get the chance again, don’t let them go this time.”

you look up and smile at him.

“thanks tim, but i’m pretty sure he’s long gone. and he’s with someone else now too.”

“if he’s really the one you want to be with, the one you really see a future with, don’t let anything stand in your way. fight for it.”

you pause for a second and think about tim’s advice. you want to fight for him, you do. but what if he doesn’t want you to?

“all i’m saying, is if you’re able to see him, it’s worth it to at least try again. then you’ll at least have an answer.”

“…you’re right. the uncertainty, i just know it’ll eat away at me forever.”

“right. so where is this guy? is he here in san fran?”

“no, he’s actually back in gotham.”

“well perfect! you can take a visit while we’re in metropolis.”

“i guess i could…”

“you should. you will. do it.”

tim starts to stand up to head home for the day.

“and you’ll tell me everything when you do.” you chuckle.

“you got it, tim.”

“i’ll see you tomorrow.”

“yeah, see you.”

you go sit back at your desk long after hours and think about this new plan. how are you even going to go about this? do you just show up at his home, knock on the door, and hope he answers? if he does, what do you even say?

you spend the next few days leading up to the trip trying to configure your plan for talking to bruce again. you’re more nervous about that than the actual work you’ll be doing.

you and tim sit next to each other on the flight to metropolis. you work on your computer trying to distract yourself from how nervous you are about possibly seeing him again. curiosity gets the better of you, and you search online to see where he’ll be.

“glad to see you’re using the in-flight wifi responsibly.” tim says sarcastically.

“i just…”

“if you’d have told me bruce wayne was the ex you were going to see in gotham than i might’ve given you some different advice.”

“and what would that advice be?”

“that, for one, you were stupid to let him go at all. and second, that you should go visit him on that school trip he’s doing. for that new fine arts project.”

“why there?”

“well you weren’t gonna just show up to his house and ring the doorbell, were you?”

you pause for a second and let your silence be your answer.

“okay yeah, not a good idea. trust me. rom coms do not portray that as accurately as you’d think.”

you chuckle.

“so you think i should show up at his event?” you ask.

“i think so. make it like you’re there for work. use that as an icebreaker, then you can get to talking.”

“that’s not a bad idea tim.”

“it’s a great idea. it’s right after our meeting tomorrow anyway. it’ll be perfect.”

“i’m not sure about perfect. what if he—“

“don’t torture yourself over the what-ifs. they’ll just burden you. and while i know i’ve been talking quite positively about this whole grand romantic gesture of yours… don’t get your hopes up either.”

you look over at him with furrowed brows.

“i heard someone say once that expectations are just premeditated disappointments. just… don’t set yourself up to get hurt.” he says quietly.

“well now i’m a little confused, tim. because you’re the one who’s been urging me to do this in the first place. and now you’re telling me not to get my hopes up?”

“you’re right. i’m sorry. just… tell him what you need to say. not what you think he wants or needs to hear. not what you think you should say. not what someone else would say. you have things you need to get off your chest, whatever they may be. and you need to speak them out, otherwise they’ll suffocate you.”

you get quiet again and realize he’s right. you’ve been so hung up on what you should do or say and didn’t stop to think about what you actually want to tell him.

“you’re right.” you say, barely above a whisper.

“i know i’m right.”

you smile and grab tim’s hand.

“thanks, tim. you’ve been one of my few friends since i moved here.”

“what can i say? i’m a peach.” he says with a smile and you laugh.

“can i just ask one thing?” he says softly. “…stay in touch?”

you just look at him, his face plastered with a sadness you’ve never seen from him before.

“if all goes well with… bruce wayne—god that’s still so weird to think about. but anyway, if you two get back together, and you move back home to gotham, and you two live happily ever after…” you laugh lightly.

“promise to stay in touch?”

“…of course, tim.” you smile at him. he squeezes your hand and smiles back, then he lets go and goes back to his in-flight crossword puzzle. you look back down at your computer and find the article detailing bruce’s trip to a gotham middle school where he’ll be implanting new support and funding to its, and every other gotham school’s, fine arts program. you sigh and close your laptop.

you spend the rest of the flight with your headphones in, listening to music and staring out the window. you know it’s a cliche, but you don’t care. this plan of yours and tim’s hangs over your head, that cloud ready to pour at any moment. you suppose the floodgates will open if things don’t go well tomorrow. the rain will come and the tidal wave will crash and you’ll be left to pick up the soaked pieces of your shattered heart once again. as though fate herself has heard your dark thoughts, the plane goes through a rain cloud and wet droplets scatter over the window, blurring your vision, each one shaking in the wind as if laughing at your melancholy. you just turn your music up and close your eyes, hoping sleep will find you before you land in metropolis.

of course, the sweet release of slumber doesn’t come and the plane jolts as it touches down. tim helps you carry your bags out of the overhead bins and out of the gate, and the two of you find a cab to your hotel. you discuss your meeting and go over your key points as you ride through downtown. when you get to the hotel and up to your room, you realize the time difference is working against you. the sky outside is dark and the stars are beginning to shine through the city lights, but your body is adjusted to the pacific time zone now. it’s not until almost three hours later that you are finally able to find rest. all the while thinking not about the meeting tomorrow, but of bruce. and what you want to say to him. you trust the words will come when they need to, and you close your eyes.

the next morning, you meet tim in the lobby of the hotel and you take a cab to your destination. your mind is preoccupied, and it shows during the meeting. you stumble over your words and forget your lines. you hope this doesn’t backfire on tim as he steps in and leads the pitch with confidence. his quick thinking proves successful, as you’re met with approving smiles and impressed nods from the room. you’re just glad tim was able to do well. to be truthful, you don’t care very much about your job security today. in the lobby, tim calls a ride for himself back to the hotel, and one for you to the train station.

“are you sure about this, tim? you don’t think it’s a mistake?”

“don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts now.”

“well, i just…”

“look,” tim puts his hand on your shoulder.

“i told you, just say what you need to say. everything will fall into place as they should. you’re doing the right thing.”

you let out a nervous sigh and look down again with tears in your eyes.

“what are you so afraid of? that he’ll say no?”

“no… i’m afraid he’ll say yes.” you say quietly, fighting back the tears.

“if things go well, if we get back together… who’s to say it won’t go wrong again? i don’t think i could handle going through that grief again.”

“just remember what i said before. once you’ve got it, don’t let it go. no matter what. fight for it. for him.” tim is getting choked up now too. he pulls you in for a hug and you will yourself not to cry on his pressed suit.

“now go. your ride’s here.” tim smiles at you as he opens the door to his separate taxi.

“good luck.”

“thank you tim.” you smile back and he closes the door. the car drives off and you’re standing there, giving yourself one last chance to back out before making your way to gotham. you open the door and get inside.

your heart is racing the entire ride to the train station. you feel yourself switch to autopilot as you purchase your ticket and get on the train car, choosing a window seat. you sit there like on the plane, your headphones in and your mind full. as you get closer to gotham, you see the blue sky and white fluffy clouds fade to the familiarity of the dark grey and rainy empyrean. after being away for so long… you find this gloomy atmosphere quite beautiful.

the train takes you to the heart of the city, where you take yet another taxi to the school. these different modes of transportation you’ve taken these last few days have at least been offering you some time to think. though those thoughts have not been the most pleasant, you still appreciate the solace the rides bring.

the car stops right in front of the school.

this is it.

you step outside, the rain being uncooperative with your entrance into the building. you inform the woman at the front desk you’re here for the outreach event and present your work id. she directs you to the gymnasium down the corridor. you walk quickly, nearly jogging to the gym. when you enter the room, you’re met with a large crowd of school staff members, students, members of the press… and there’s bruce, handing a violin to a child who’s face beams. bruce is smiling too, and he says something to the student before they walk back to their group of friends. the kids compare their gifts excitedly and you smile at their childlike enthusiasm and appreciation. when you look away and back towards bruce, you see that he’s looking right at you. you lock eyes and he begins making his way toward you. you try to gauge his facial expression, is it sadness? disdain? confusion, happiness? the closer he gets, the harder his face becomes to read. he weaves through the crowd, avoiding cameras flashing in his eyes and reporters sticking microphones up to his lips. finally, he’s standing right in front of you. and he smiles.

“you’re… here… what are you…”

“i had a meeting in metropolis this morning and i decided to take the trip here, to see gotham again.”

“and you just so happened to stumble in here?”

the press seems to have gotten bored of your conversation, because now you’re alone with bruce in the back of the gym.

“well i wanted to see… what this new project was. it’s amazing. these kids… you’re changing lives here, bruce.”

those feelings start to flood back. those feelings you got the last time you were in a setting similar to this one, when you saw how great bruce is with the kids, how much he cares about them. your heart somehow starts beating even quicker.

“it’s all because of you. if you hadn’t given that first pitch… none of this would be happening.” he replies.

you smile and look down.

you and bruce continue talking there, in the back of the gymnasium. you talk about your job, about san francisco, about how your life was going. you decide not to be entirely truthful for this reunion, not wanting to put a damper on the more than nice conversation. bruce tells you how he’s been too, how he’s been busy with new project after new project, how well the company is doing. how well he’s been doing. he seems happy. a part of you almost wishes he seemed a little sad that you’re there. that he’d be brimming with regret for letting you go. you start to feel guilty over your selfishness.

“well, i’m glad to hear that you’ve been doing well, bruce.”

“i’m glad you’re doing well too.”

“and you’re… happy? with everything? i mean with your um new—“

as if he read your mind, he stops you from finishing your sentence.

“i was hoping you wouldn’t see that. that was just a… a one time thing. i met her at a gala and we went out for dinner but i haven’t seen or even talked to her since. i just didn’t… feel right about it.”

you feel a sense of relief flood over you.

“and you? you’re not… seeing…” he starts.

“oh no, i mean, not anymore.”

“oh… okay.”

you just smile at each other for a second, then he suddenly takes your hand.

“come on. we’ve got a lot more to hand out… and i could use the help.”

you know he has a large group of team members standing by, waiting to help in the continuation of the gift giving, so you’re surprised at his request for you to help too. the two of you resume handing out the items. more instruments, paint sets, books, and more. it’s like christmas has come early, with every child getting something they’ve always wanted. you’re smiling more than you have in weeks, months. bruce is elated too, as he and the other team members provide these resources to this school. this specific event was to promote this program, but every gotham school will get this opportunity for new items as well. finally, the school day ends, the press leaves, and you’re standing the middle of the gymnasium. it’s quiet now with just a few more people here packing things up. you take this opportunity of peace to catch your breath and prepare yourself for what’s to come. bruce starts making his way toward you again and clench your hands into fists repeatedly.

“bruce, i have something i—“

“would you like to have dinner with me tonight?” he cuts you off.

“sorry, were you going to say something?” he asks.

“no, i… i was actually going to ask you the same thing.”

“great. we can head out now. alfred’s already started cooking.” bruce smiles at you and he leads you out of the school and to his car.

you make small talk as he drives you to his home. you forgot how grand it is as you step inside, alfred greeting you with a smile.

“it is so wonderful to see you again.”

“thank you alfred.”

“dinner will be ready in just a few minutes.”

alfred goes back to the kitchen to finish up.

“fire?” bruce says, starting to make his way toward the living room fireplace you’re all too familiar with.

“yes, that sounds nice.”

he lights the logs and sits down on the sofa next to you.

“i’m glad you agreed to come tonight. i was hoping we’d get a chance to talk.”

“me too.” you smile lightly.

“the truth is… i—“

the light clanking of dishes distracts you and bruce from your conversation as alfred begins setting the dinnerware on the table.

you and bruce stand and thank alfred for the meal. you eat in mostly silence, the occasional compliment of the food filling the quiet void. bruce takes your dishes to the kitchen and cleans them once again and you go sit back down on the sofa, the orange and yellow light of the flame illuminating your troubled mind. you need to get this off your chest.

bruce comes back and sits down.

“bruce, there are some things i need to say to you…”

you grab his hands in yours and look down.

“i haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since i left. i haven’t slept, i haven’t been happy. i… even tried seeing someone else. work didn’t help, i hated being so far from home… and i hated being so far from you.”

you finally look up at him.

“i love you, bruce. i’m in love with you. i have regretted every single day not telling you before. i hate that i didn’t show you how much you meant to me. and i hate that i left just because i was scared of what you’d say back.”

you choke back tears and look down again.

“you’re the moonlight that breaks through the clouds at night and into my bedroom window. you’re the soft fall of snowflakes that land on my eyelashes. you’re the rain that makes my hair wet and reminds me i’m still human. you’re everything to me, bruce. you are everything.”

you look back up at him and see tears in his eyes. he puts his hand gently on your cheek and kisses you. it’s slow, it’s gentle, it’s tender. it’s love.

he pulls away and chuckles softly.

“i have loved you since i met you. i’m everything to you? without you, i’d fade to nothing but a pile of ash. you being gone, tore me apart more than anything ever has before. even alfred can attest to that.”

you chuckle lightly and he laughs too.

“if i’m everything to you, then you’re more than everything to me.” he pulls you in again for another kiss.

“if i’m the moon then you’re the stars.”

he kisses your right cheek.

“if i’m the snow then you’re the fire.”

he kisses your other cheek.

“if i’m the rain then you’re the sun.”

he kisses your forehead.

“you’re my entire life.”

he kisses your lips.

you sigh as he runs his hands down your back and onto your hips. he picks you up and wraps your legs around his waist and stands up. you continue kissing as he takes you upstairs and to his bed. you run your hand through his hair, down his neck, over his arms. you want him, all of him. and he wants you.

suddenly the tidal wave secedes. the rains don’t come. the dark grey cumulus fades away. and now your mind is only occupied with bruce.

you thought once before that nothing beautiful lasts long in gotham city. but you were wrong. one thing has lasted. and it’s him.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

…………………………………………………………………………………….

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 28/12/2024 (Christmas Garbage) [SEASON FINALE]

Well, this is Christmas. And what have you done? Everything aside, this is the episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS each year where Christmas is all done and over with but the chart doesn’t reflect that because of the tracking week including plenty of festive days, this one including the entire streak of Christmas Eve to Boxing Day. You couldn’t even make a top 20 with the songs in the UK Singles Chart top 100 that aren’t Christmas songs… and I don’t even cover all that, I talk about the UK Top 75 for the most part. I suppose, welcome back, “Last Christmas” is #1, let’s keep it brief?

content warning: simply having a wonderful Christmastime... two days late

Rundown

That’s a tenth week for Wham!’s historic track, and the rest of the top five – up to #20, for that matter – consists of just holiday songs, as you’d expect, but there’s little festivity left in me by the 27th… or at least not enough to write passionately about music that, if I abide by all laws of capitalism, I shouldn’t be listening to today. Either way, “Jingle Bell Rock” by Bobby Helms is at a new peak of #5, then we have “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” by Brenda Lee at #4, “It Can’t be Christmas” by Tom Grennan at #3 and “All I Want for Christmas is You” by Mariah Carey at #2. Speaking of new peaks, that’s the case for many a festive hit (at least seemingly), namely “You Make it Feel Like Christmas” by Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton at #69, “Deck the Halls” by Nat King Cole at #50, “Run Rudolph Run” by Chuck Berry and Mark Ambor respectively at #47 and #31, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” by Frank Sinatra at #45, “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” by Bruce Springsteen at #41, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” by Perry Como, the Fontaine Singers, Mitchell Ayres and his orchestra at #40, “Holiday Road” by Kesha at #38, “Carol of the Bells” by John Williams at #37, “Santa Baby” by Laufey at #35, “The Christmas Song (Merry Christmas to You)” by Nat King Cole at #32. “Feliz Navidad” by José Feliciano at #17, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #15, “Christmas Magic” by Laufey at #13, “Underneath the Tree” by Kelly Clarkson and plenty other notable gains, but ones I won’t cover because so much of this episode is already just listing Christmas songs.

As for re-entries, we have “My Only Wish (This Year)” by Britney Spears at #75, “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses at #72 (one of my personal favourites), “Jingle Bells” by Frank Sinatra at #67, “Please Come Home for Christmas” by Eagles at #65, “2000 Miles” by the Pretenders at #63 (might be my very favourite), “Christmas Tree Farm” by Taylor Swift at #61, “Lonely this Christmas” by Mud at #60, “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt (no, not Kim Kardashian, thank goodness) at #59, “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” by The Jackson 5 at #57, “You’re Christmas to Me” by Sam Ryder at #56, “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!” by Frank Sinatra and the B. Swanson Quartet at #54, “Santa, Can’t You Hear Me” by Kelly Clarkson and Ariana Grande at #52, “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” by Boney M. at #51 (again, I have a whole write-up from just a few weeks ago if you want my thoughts on that), “Little Saint Nick” by the Beach Boys at #46, “White Christmas” by Bing Crosby at #42, and some stuff that has never hit the top 75 before until this year. Whether it’s a particularly big Christmas year or just luck of the draw with the tracking week, it’s probably a bit of both, but we do have five Christmas songs to “review” later on.

Now, what left to make room for all of this nonsense? In no particular order, because well, why at this point? It’ll all be back next week, and everything I’ve just listed will be gone bar maybe Wham! and Mariah. Therefore, we bid adieu to the notable dropouts – you know what that means – and they are “BIRDS OF A FEATHER” by Billie Eilish, “Freezing this Christmas” by Sir Starmer and the Granny Harmers, “Good Luck, Babe!” by Chappell Roan, “What is This Feeling?” by Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande and just Ari wth “Popular” from the Wicked soundtrack, “Taste” by Sabrina Carpenter,  “squabble up”, “luther” with SZA and “tv off” with Lefty Gunplay from Kendrick Lamar’s GNX, “Beautiful Things” by Benson Boone, “Dirty Cash (Money Talks)” by PAWSA and The Adventures of Stevie V, “People Watching” by Sam Fender, “Lose Control”, “The Door” and “Bad Dreams” by Teddy Swims (yikes for him and Kendrick losing all three of their songs this week), “Dirty” by KSI and Erika Sirola, “Like Him” by Tyler, the Creator featuring Lola Young, “I Love You, I’m Sorry” by Gracie Abrams, “Ma Meillure Ennemie” by Stromae and Pomme from Arcane, “Too Sweet” by Hozier, “Stick Season” by Noah Kahan (the biggest song of the year in the UK!) and finally, “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” by Shaboozey. Without Christmas, the top five would be “That’s So True” by Gracie Abrams at #1 (#21), “APT.” by ROSÉ and Bruno Mars at #2 (#28), “Messy” by Lola Young at #3 (#33), “The Days” by Chrystal at #4 (#49), and “Defying Gravity” by Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande at #5 (#58). Of course, we don’t live in a world without the Christmas songs charting, and hence, we have five new ones to deal with, though it won’t be too much of an ordeal, considering I really don’t intend to “review” the charts in the same way. It’s the day after Boxing Day and we have five Christmas songs, mostly old ones, to discuss, I think I’ll try and focus on the history and trivia part of it more than giving a typical analytical review. May as well spend less time dilly-dallying and get into them.

New Entries

#74 – “Thank God it’s Christmas” – Queen

Produced by Reinhold Mack and Queen

You’d think such a canonically British band as Queen would have their Christmas song injected straight into the veins of the annual holiday hit parade, but this is its highest peak so far… is what I would say if I was an idiot who made constant errors all the time and never kept my data consistent. Or, in other words, if I was the Official Charts Company. This is the first time this song peaked in the top 75 for decades, but this 1984 song peaked at #21 pretty much upon release. It probably isn’t as well-remembered because it’s late-era Queen and doesn’t have a strong hook, but it’s far from a new entry, and I only counted it as such for dramatic purposes to do this bait-and-switch. OCC counts the two chart runs – its original 1984 run and the annual below top 75 returns since 2020 – as separate for whatever reason, but it would be incorrect. Sure, there was a 2011 remaster, but that doesn’t mean anything, the song just sounds better on a technical level, it’s not a remix. I do like how easy and accessible UK charts are but given no company nor website is perfect, you do get little quirks like this that slip by the wayside, especially when it comes to songs originally released physically and now available digitally, but a song like this that peaked quite high and stacked 10+ weeks, returns every year… they should probably keep an eye out for dupes is all I’m saying.

#71 – “Mele Kalikimaka (Merry Christmas)” – Bing Crosby and The Andrews Sisters

Produced by Bing Crosby

Man, Crosby really loves getting that word out, you can practically hear him chuckle once he rhythmically utters “Kalikimaka”. This is actually a new song, never charted before, and is Bing Crosby’s much, MUCH lesser-known Christmas song, written by the late Robert Alexander Anderson, who spent much of his life in Hawaii and wrote many songs in a similar genre to this. Known as “hapa haole”, this is a blend of American ragtime and traditional pop with Hawaiian culture, particularly their signature guitar and ukulele sounds, as well as lyrics sometimes about Hawaii. “Mele Kalikimaka” is a transliteration of Merry Christmas, and sounds quite different thanks to how the Hawaiian language works, but ends up sounding pretty catchy in the song, whether from the effortless crooning of Crosby, or the harmony group The Andrews Sisters who recorded the track with him. With that said, it’s not particularly Hawaiian, apart from the name and vague allusions like palm trees, more finding itself in typical Christmassy tropes. Crosby’s was one of the earliest and most famous recordings of the song as he was a friend of Anderson’s, and sonically, it sounds as you’d expect, with smooth piano and some really low-quality horns blasting in the instrumental breaks. When this first charted in the US around 2020, I knew that we were just introducing forgotten dregs of Christmas past into the canon, and whilst I couldn’t really care less about a new holiday bottom-feeder introduced to the annual lot, we do need to begin questioning if any of this is worth bringing in, right? This is just the streaming playlist algorithm reminding itself after 50 Christmas songs in that Bing Crosby had more tracks on that holiday album, and whilst it’s cool that a semblance of Hawaiian culture is in the mix on a UK chart, I don’t feel like this is the most accurate or even focused way of doing so. Sweet enough song, but not one that I feel will be too well-integrated into the crop unless we have another lucky tracking week situation like this year. Hell, even this year, there are better songs below the top 75 that probably speak to Brits this year a bit more than… this.

#70 – “Christmas Time is Here” – Vince Guaraldi Trio

Produced by Vince Guaraldi

I adore this song. As an instrumental, it’s a chill piece of soft cool jazz that screams warming up for the festive season round a fireplace, and with the haunting children’s choir in the left channel singing of yuletide cheer, it gives you a reminder of what kids will be doing outside in the afternoon in the snow. It’s a lovely little jingle that warms me up even if Peanuts specials aren’t as big here as they are Stateside. In fact, both this and Crosby’s song whip up the image and magic of a very traditional American post-war Christmas rather than anything particularly British, which is probably a sign of the playlists becoming more universal in their appeal and shaking up what Brits will canonically listen to. This comes straight out of an ideal 60s Christmas, of course, as it was written by Guaraldi and the lyrics by executive producer Lee Mendelson for the 1965 TV classic A Charlie Brown Christmas which still gets plenty of play, especially in North America, to this day. The late Guaraldi famously composed the theme tune to the series of specials too, “Linus and Lucy”, a bit of a jazz standard in itself. Mendelson’s lyrics were a rush-job but sound perfect over the shortened-down track, originally a six-minute piece, and it really is gorgeous, deserving of its space as a classic in the US, and whilst I don’t imagine it will become one here – maybe it’s too slow, maybe it’s too disconnected from the UK’s culture – it’s still great that it charted. Much like “Mele Kalikimaka”, this is the first time it’s charted in any capacity, and I really can’t complain. What has charted before, however…

#62 – “O Holy Night” – Céline Dion

Produced by David Foster

“O Holy Night” is a hymn about the nativity scene, and has been recorded by many an artist, including those who you’d think would take it to the charts like John Williams and Mariah Carey, who both showed up for me in the search before Céline Dion’s Disneyfied version that is completely fine if not a slodge to get through. I personally find it difficult to connect with the more religious iconography surrounding Christmas Day, and a melodramatic five-minute adaptation, whilst very Céline Dion, isn’t going to help with that exactly, in fact it takes me further away from resonating with the song. Bizarrely, instead of Mariah, the highest-charting version and until now, only version of this song to chart is by Ladywell Primary School in Scotland who recorded the track in 2012 to raise funds for meningitis research and took it to #39. The #1 that week was “Troublemaker” by Olly Murs. As for the song’s history, it may resonate with Dion because of its importance in French and hence Canadian culture, having been written by French poet Placide Cappeau and set to music by a fellow Frenchman, Adolphe Adam, who actually didn’t grow up religious. The American critic John Sullivan Wright wrote the English lyrics and may have helped its reputation as “Cantique de Noël” as it was known was somewhat derided, especially by Catholic critics, in Cappeau’s native France since its first performance in 1847. The carol has definitely grown on people since, with some of the original criticisms somewhat unfounded, and legends of it bringing peace to battlefields have cemented its place in not just French history but in Canada, who banned the song for a brief period, and the rest of the world. There’s plenty of history to read up about this piece and why it was so controversial at a time, but I’m not a scholar in Christmas carols, and nowadays, there’s an *NSYNC version so I guess it’s all bygones be bygones.

#55 – “Under the Tree” (from That Christmas) – Ed Sheeran

Produced by Ed Sheeran and Johnny McDaid

That Christmas is an animated Netflix Christmas film that came out earlier this year and is allegedly fine but I cannot personally opine. This piano ballad from Ed Sheeran is the original single attached to it, but I don’t think that’s why Ed Sheeran made a second original Christmas song. His first, “Merry Christmas”, is not only intrinsically linked to another massive pop star’s legacy in Elton John, but also LadBaby and the pandemic, I think he wants and deserves a second attempt at cementing himself in the canon as a solo act, and this is a damn good try because this is brilliant. Sure, it’s going for the typical “alone at Christmas” but Sheeran’s sappy-dog ballads have always appealed to me, especially when he goes into his uniquely frailer register, and the bare piano makes this feel less like a “Lonely this Christmas”-esque dirge and more just honest, perhaps overly, given his ponderings in the second verse about whose arms this person could be in this year. There’s an awkward casualness to the “just letting you know” that clashes with the melodrama and the verses can get quite clumsy in their wordiness, but that’s all very Ed Sheeran, as is the brilliantly clear vocal production and the melody perfectly aligned with certain string inflections once they come in for a gorgeous swell. Sure, you could argue its main conceit is a bit ungrateful that he doesn’t care for any of his presents and just wants that person there, but it’s also so typically soul-bearingly honest and there’s not some inherent sympathy you have to feel for his desperate pleas here. I wish the horns were a bit more organic, but they are very quickly rushed away in the bridge for more Disney synths that wash away outside of a driving pluck and magical rise for that final chorus. This may not work in terms of getting Ed his solo Christmas staple, but it deserves to – it’s one of his most unabashedly Ed Sheeran songs, and as integrated he already is into British culture, this is a damn good way to both send off an imperial run and make sure that at least a few people, including me, pop you on each year.

Conclusion

I don’t deem it necessary to iron out the best and worst of the week given the tone I took in regards to tackling these new entries, but I do deem it necessary to thank the readers as this is our season finale of sorts for 2024 which is the seventh year of doing this, and I’d like to send my gratitude to anyone who even skims it, as it gives purpose to this little hobby of mine. Hey, cost of living crisis, maybe I’ll open a Patreon next year to give it even more purpose. Just kidding, I would never… hahahaha…. Anyway, thank you all for reading this season, which I think counts as Season 6 if I’m not mistaken, and I’m glad we could end it on such a wholesome batch of songs, honestly, and one that reflects a whole lot of typical happenings: Christmas overload, OCC missteps, older songs returning out of nowhere, even a charity single and Ed bloody Sheeran. Maybe next year, they’ll make an AI George Michael do a drill remix and “Last Christmas” will spend even more weeks at #1. The future is upon us. For now, have a happy New Year, I’ll be back with basically the rest of the chart next Friday, and it’ll be 2025. See you then.

[sacredbeauty]

be nosy

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

2: Did you get to sleep in today?

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

4: Do you have siblings?

5: How many kids do you want?

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

11: When’s your birthday?

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

13: What kind of phone do you have?

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

19: Last night you felt…?

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

23: Are you a morning or night person?

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

29: How many months until your birthday?

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

31: Did you like this past summer?

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

35: Your mood summed into one work?

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

37: What are your initials?

38: Are you a happy person?

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

42: What did you do yesterday?

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

44: How late did you stay up last night?

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

58: What would you change about your life right now?

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

60: Are you on the phone?

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

65: Have you ever copied someone else's homework?

66: Are you the type of person who likes to be out or at home?

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

72: What’s your favorite color?

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

78: Does anyone call you babe?

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

82: Is there someone who meant a lot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

[januarysneverseensomuchrain]

Rollin' Rain and Hard Thunder - A Compilation Film by Swingin' Pig from Swingin' Pig (alternate account) on Vimeo.

PLEASE READ:

Here it is. I spent about a month editing this video together. I ripped the footage from a bootlegged tape of "Renaldo & Clara," a 1978 film that was edited by Howard Alk and Bob Dylan himself. Some snippets are from Martin Scorsese's incredible Netflix documentary "Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story." If you'd like to see "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall" and "One More Cup of Coffee" (both of which are in this compilation) in 4K quality, do yourself a favor and watch it. There are other incredible performances in it that weren't in "Renaldo & Clara."

Anyway, as I was saying, this footage is from a source tape and some of the best quality versions that are available at the moment. Someday these performances will be rescanned, restored and released, but for now, this is what I have to work with visually. I did my best to correct the faded colors, correct the lighting, and sharpen the image a bit, but please realize that this was recorded from a television broadcast in the 1970s, and unaltered since then, so the images won't be perfect.

The audio is a different story, luckily. It took a long time to do, but I successfully overdubbed all of the original low-quality audio (it had a lot of hiss and was broadcasted in mono) with the soundboard recordings released on the Rolling Thunder Boxset. This took longer than I had expected because the footage and audio were sped up in the bootleg tape. But I eventually calculated the difference in speed and was able to synchronize them.

So, please enjoy this labor of love! Below is somewhat of a setlist and some of my personal thoughts on "standout" performances in this video.

CHAPTERS: 0:07 - It Ain't Me, Babe 5:26 - It Takes A Lot to Laugh, It Takes a Train to Cry [Excellent, rocking version] 8:32 - Fascinating historical commentary by David Blue 9:20 - A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall [released on YouTube and on Netflix's "Rolling Thunder Revue" documentary] 14:15 - Romance in Durango 19:05 - Isis [Incredible performance, superior to the one in the documentary. His voice is sheer power and cuts like a knife. I dare say it's Dylan's best-filmed performance of the tour. The way he moves his arms and hands makes you feel like you're looking into another dimension] 24:20 - Never Let Me Go [feat. Joan Baez] 27:05 - Interesting footage of the revue visiting Niagra Falls 27:32 - One More Cup of Coffee (Valley Below) [released on YouTube and on Netflix's "Rolling Thunder Revue" documentary] 31:35 - Sara [Gorgeous version with some beautiful footage I edited together in the beginning. The verse starting at 34:54 has incredible enunciation] 36:21 - Just Like a Woman [This is my favorite version of the song. Just watch listen to the whole thing, uninterrupted. It's just phenomenal. The bridge ("It was raining from the first") is some of the strongest singing I've ever heard from Dylan and then in the subsequent verse, he abruptly drops into this sweet tone. Just phenomenal] 40:32 - Knockin' On Heaven's Door [Beautiful version, superior to the one released in the Netflix documentary. The instrumental at 42:56 gives me chills] 44:35 - An emotional and cathartic ending.

Enjoy this gem while you can!

[bunbeeplays]

The Lemon Legacy: Generation 1, Chapter 56 - A Summer Wedding

It's time for Summer Holiday to become Summer Eggleston. Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, but Summer wants to share a last name with the love of her life more than anything.

Xander, I get you're just Ophelia's plus one and you don't really know these people very well but you could at least pretend to care! I raised you better!

Summer: Mark, we both know I'm the best, but you make me an even better Sim. You taught me that caring for someone can be even better than just caring about myself.

Mark is just like 'what a woman' haha. They're perfect for each other.

Mark: A Strangerville townie with a base game baddie? I'm the luckiest Sim alive. I promise to spend my life being the man you deserve, and you deserve a lot, baby.

Summer, of all people, feeling bashful? Mark's opinion must mean the world to her. Look at how happy she is!

Time to exchange rings! They go great with the rings The Watcher already put on them.

Becca: We're never going to get a wedding like this, The Watcher will probably make us get married off-screen!

Travis: Just be grateful we're getting screentime again, babe.

Congratulations to the Egglestons!

Ophelia is overjoyed for her friends, especially Summer. She deserves this.

With all the wins she's had recently, Ophelia's been very cheerful. I guess enjoying the little things and looking on the bright side is just part of who she is!

Mark and Summer have their first dance away from the crowd.

Summer, for once, doesn't want to be the center of attention. She just wants this moment with her husband.

Also, they refused to dance on the dance floor because there was a trellis on it, I guess.

Apparently if your cooking or mixology skill is high enough, you can improve the drinks from the drink fountain. You learn something new every day.

I don't know what Ophelia put in the punch but it's up to her refined celebrity tastes now.

Libby: Feefs, hey! I see you brought a plus one too.

Ophelia: Libby, you remember Xander. You probably saw our status update on Social Bunny.

Libby: So he was your mystery man all along! Should have guessed. You take good care of her, okay?

Xander: That’s the plan.

Libby: There you are! Ophelia, this is my new girlfriend.

Olivia: Name’s Olivia Meyer. Lib didn’t tell me her ex is a rising star. Looks like she downgraded.

Ophelia can’t help but feel like Olivia looks… oddly familiar. Like if her reflection was goth.

Olivia: Oh, you're with a guy. I thought you were into women.

Ophelia: Uh, I mean, I am. I’m pan.

Olivia: I guess not anymore, huh?

Ophelia: …that’s not how it works.

Ophelia: Sweetie, why don't you introduce yourself to Travis and Becca? You haven't met them yet.

Xander: Sure thing, Lemon Cake.

Xander’s secretly relieved to get away from that conversation. Becca shows him about 7000 baby pictures. He seems like he's enjoying that more.

Libby: You’re never going to believe who Olivia works for. Tell her, babe.

Olivia: it’s not that big of a deal. I’m a street artist but my day job is working as a maid for Brytani Cho.

Libby: Small world, huh?

Ophelia: Yeah, sure is.

Becca: So you guys just… mutually agreed to start dating?

Xander: Yeah, it was pretty smooth.

Becca: That’s boring. No one would read that.

Xander: I’ll make sure something dramatic happens to us to please the readers next time.

Xander: Listen, I don’t want your first impression of me to be that I’m a jealous boyfriend, because I’m not, but is it just me or-

Travis: Does Olivia look a lot like Ophelia if she was alt? Yeah, definitely.

Xander: Oh thank Watcher it’s not just me.

Becca: Yeah, it’s weird.

Travis: Mark, Becca and I have been begging Summer not to bring it up in front of them. We’re still trying to figure out if talking to Libby privately about it is appropriate, but Summer isn’t really known for her tact.

Of course Ophelia needs to talk to the bride.

Ophelia: Congratulations, you look gorgeous!

Summer: Thanks, girly! I'm so sorry things didn't work out with Moses but Xander seems like such a sweet guy.

Ophelia: …I love you, Summer. Never change.

Xander: Congratulations to you both. Thanks for letting Ophelia bring me.

Summer: No prob! But let's make one thing clear. If you hurt that woman, I will end you. I may not have the evil trait, but I will make your life hell.

Xander: You better hold me to it, Mrs. Eggleston.

[maybank612]

Basketball

I have been playing basketball for the majority of my life, mostly because my dad played and he raised me in it. 

I have a game tonight, it is the biggest of the season. There are scouts coming to watch and tonight Kildare High is playing our arch-rival “Kook Academy”. I have been looking forward to this game all week, but today being game day I can only be a little nervous. 

The only thing keeping me kind of sane is knowing that JJ and the rest of the crew are going to be at the game. They all managed to get off of work, and for JJ especially that was amazing. He has only seen me play a couple of times because of work, everytime he watches me play it makes me feel like I can do anything. 

I walk into the locker room and get changed into my gear and slip on my warm up set before heading out to practice before the game. 

As soon as we walked onto the court I could feel the tension in the gym. Pouge and Kooks alike gathered to watch us play. I could feel the panic start to rise back up when I spotted a couple of college scouts, but I was pulled out of my thoughts by a familiar voice. 

“Y/N!!” JJ yelled from the other side of the gym. I turned around to see him with a huge grin on his face. He was standing on the sideline with the rest of my friends behind him.

I could feel the smile crawl onto my face as I made my way over to them. I walked straight to JJ and he wrapped his arms around me pulling me into a hug. 

“Hi hot stuff” I said as we pulled away, leaning my head to the side so I could also have a view of my friends “Pogues” I say with a smile. 

They all returned hi’s and wished me luck on the game before going to get seats in the stands. 

“You're gonna do great tonight babe” JJ smiled as we finally pulled apart our hug. He placed a kiss on the side of my head, and I looked up and smiled back.

“I’m glad you’re here” I said, placing a kiss on his lips. Just as we both tried to deepen the kiss I heard my coach yell “L/n, get your ass over here” 

We pulled apart slightly laughing, “Duty calls” I turned and made my way back on the court only to hear JJ whistle from behind me. I kept laughing as I warmed up, now completely ready for this game. 

JJ POV: 

It was half way through the second half of the game and y/n was on fire. She had 18 points, 6 rebounds, and 5 assists. Kildare is up 56-52 and the girls have been playing great. 

I am in awe of how badass my girl is, everytime she scores she finds my eyes in the stands and sends me a wink. 

She was coming up the court and she passed the ball to her teammate, faking out her defender, and she round the court and got the ball back. Just as she went for the 3-pointer the girl defending her rammed into her and sent her flying to the ground. 

I shot up in worry that she was hurt, she was laying on the floor not really moving. 

“Y/n!” I yelled as she was still not getting up. “Is she okay?” I yelled at her teammate that was trying to help her to her feet. I felt an arm tug on my side to see Kie telling me to calm down that she was fine, but until I heard that from my girlfriend I wasn’t backing down. 

I turned my attention back to the court and saw y/n getting up and searching for me in the crowd, she caught my eye and sent me a wink letting me know that she was okay. 

I let out a sigh of content and sat back down watching her walk to the free throw line. 

She effortlessly made her shots and the game was back on. 

There were 5 seconds left in the game and y/n had the ball running down the court. She managed to get open, all of us on our feet as she stepped behind the 3-point line. The ball left her hands and you could feel the tension in the air, finally the ball dropped through the net and sent us all into a cheering rage. 

My girl had made the game winning shot and I couldn’t be more proud. We stormed the court and I made a b-line for my girl. I could see her searching for me too. Soon enough she jumped into my arms. 

I spun her around as soon as I set her down. She grabbed my face in her hands and pulled me into a passionate kiss. 

We pulled away both giggling. 

“You did it babe, you were so fucking awesome” I told her as she looked into my eyes. 

“You really think so?” she questioned

“I know so” I told her, she had a habit of doubting how talented she was, so I always made sure to remind her. 

Suddenly the rest of our friends and her teammates were surrounding us, sending her congrats. I stepped away and let her enjoy her moment, because she really did deserve it. 

Y/N POV:

I made my way back out of the locker room after going to get showered and changed. I slipped on a black crop top and some plain jeans, throwing JJ’s hoodie over my body to keep me warm. 

As I walked out back into the gym I saw JJ waiting for me with the rest of our friends. John B spotted me first and waved, as I ran and jumped onto JJ’s back.

“Hey superstar” John B said as JJ caught my legs as I wrapped them around his waist. 

“Hi” I giggled at the name her called me

“So what does Kildare high's best basketball player want to do now?” Pope asked, sending me a smile as I hopped back off of JJ backs. 

“Ummm, let me think” I said placing my hand on my chin “Ice cream” I landed on

“Ice cream it is,” Kiara said, guiding everyone toward the door so we could head out. 

JJ pulled me into his side and kissed the top of my head.

“I’m proud of you baby” He whispered into my ear. 

I just looked up at him and kissed his cheek. I then ran after Kiara trying to catch up with the rest of our friends. 

“Hey where are you going?” I heard JJ yell from behind me

“Ice Cream slowpoke, now come on!”