#At least that was the gist of the lecture for me

[scanlinesymphony]

My education professor said 5-year-olds are natural philosophers because they always ask, “Why?” Of course, the parent/guardian will get tired of the question, finally squashing the inquiries with, “Because I said so!”

But then he used the example of a student & teacher in a classroom. If a student asks “Why?” and the teacher responds, “It’s because of this, for this exact reason, for this purpose, THAT is why.” Doesn’t this lead to the same result? The direct response also squashed the student’s questions, left no room for further discussion. The illusion of a clear-cut answer leaves little for creative, pedagogical autonomy. To expand it further, the basis of scoring and grades as measurements of a student’s performance is that there is a distinct answer, a CORRECT answer.

[donamori]

Please indulge me to speak at length about Don Quixote (post Warp Express Intervello)

Unfortunately, this will be riddled with spoilers, however, I'm not necessarily making this post to make any real predictions. I'm mostly just collecting my thoughts, crafting some theories, and talking at length about my thoughts on the upcoming canto, their possible themes, and to gush and wail about my most favoritest sinner ever. If you've finished Murder on the Warp Train then feel free to continue

Alright, end of the most recent Intervello, it was revealed (much to my surprise at least) that Don Quixote, our pride and joy and ever most excellent knight-errant, is in fact a Bloodfiend. A bloodfiend who apparently has their true form suppressed by Rocinante, the shoes Don wears that are named after the steed Don Quixote rides upon in the book.

This new reveal has millions of possibilities forming in my head for the upcoming Canto and here's the gist of what I've kind of formed and gathered from what we know so far in the world of Limbus and Project Moon as a whole, what I personally know about Miguel De Cervantes and his works, and the general thematic ties that are now unfurling within my noggin that I'm trying to spool together in this nice little indulgent post.

Let's start with Miguel De Cervantes:

For those who may not know, Cervantes is the author of Don Quixote, born in 1547, died in 1616. A few important tidbits that I think will be important in the upcoming Canto-

Something that has been known for awhile is that Don's battle sprite does not list her name as Don Quixote but as Miguel. For awhile now I had been wondering if within Don Quixote's Canto we are going to receive some sort of reveal that Don Quixote is actually Miguel De Cervantes. Originally the basis of this theory I had was a quote from Cervantes about how "[he] would not exist without Don Quixote." (Something that was expanded upon in a lecture about Cervantes and Don Quixote that I found on youtube). In fact a large portion of that lecture, which I will link here, contributed to this idea I had built up in my head about the relationship between Miguel and Don.

What this essentially culminates to in my mind is that the Bloodfiend will reveal that they are Miguel, but for some reason or another, they "became" Don Quixote. So, in many loose adaptions of Don Quixote, this connection is typically made. In my personal favorite adaption, The Man of La Mancha, a musical about the book, they present the story of Don Quixote as a play for prisoners after Miguel Cervantes himself is arrested. And who is the man that plays Don? None other than Cervantes himself!

(you should really give it a watch, it's a lovely musical)

Now, within the book of Don Quixote itself, our titular hero sadly perishes at the end. He loses to the Knight of the Mirror (who is actually the Bachelor Sanson Carrasco, a man hired by Don's family to bring him home) and returns home. He then dies in his bed after renouncing the name of Don Quixote and all of his adventures. Saying with much seriousness that he is not Don Quixote, but Alonso Quijana. He leaves money to Sancho and his estate to his niece and then soon passes (after a heartfelt appeal from Sancho to return to adventuring together once more.)

After his death, the book ends with the author who is detailing Don Quixote's history writing this final paragraph-

"For me alone was Don Quixote born, and I for him; it was his to act, mine to write; we two together make but one, notwithstanding and in spite of that pretended Tordesillesque writer who has ventured or would venture with his great, coarse, ill-trimmed ostrich quill to write the achievements of my valiant knight... And I shall remain satisfied, and proud to have been the first who has ever enjoyed the fruit of his writings as fully as he could desire; for my desire has been no other than to deliver over to the detestation of mankind the false and foolish tales of the books of chivalry, which, thanks to that of my true Don Quixote, are even now tottering, and doubtless doomed to fall for ever. Farewell.”

I've paraphrased it a bit, but you get the gist. While the author detailing Don Quixote's history is a fictional author made up by Cervantes, I believe it is a cheeky way of Cervantes to insert himself in the story and express his true feelings here.

Now, with Cervantes and Donqui being one and the same I believe the strong thematic thread tying this all together is one of dreams. It's now known to us this whole time that Don Quixote is in fact, both dream and dreamer. The monster that Don Quixote is sleeps while they allow for their true self to live, ever dreaming. But now that Dream is Ending.

I think we're going to see the 'death' of Don Quixote and some sort of joining of Miguel and Don. I think Miguel wants to keep dreaming. They are a bloodfiend, a horrible monster, one of the more powerful beings that are mentioned in Project Moon's games. But i think that Miguel doesn't want that. I think that Miguel wants to be cured. Something that has never really been done for a bloodfiend, an impossible dream, perhaps?

I think in Don's Canto we're going to see what we see within the book. Miguel/Don's family trying to get him to come back, to stop him, to get him to give up on this silly dream of Knight-Errantry. And I believe Dante will finally be able to help Miguel take the first steps towards realizing this impossible dream.

Some small little thoughts that I've had that i think push this a bit further.

Don Quixote was written by Miguel when he was 50 while he was in prison.

I've been wondering now whether this cell we see Donqui in within her base ego was actually some sort of representation of this. Don Quixote was born while Miguel was locked away. This looming shadow of Rocinante keeping the Sangre De Sancho locked away within this small starry-eyed girl <3

Nothing that I really have any like, evidence for, but based on vibes I think representing the specific sort of Spaniard from this time period as some sort of high class vampire is excellent and really fits thematically as well.

Cervantes has a bunch of quotes about the nature of oneself and death (bloodfiends are undead). Some that I think are quite fitting are :

“A Man Without Honor is Worse than Dead.”

“Take my advice and live for a long, long time. Because the maddest thing a man can do in this life is to let himself die.”

“I know who I am and who I may be, if I choose.”

“When life itself seems lunatic, who knows where madness lies? Perhaps to be too practical is madness. To surrender dreams — this may be madness. Too much sanity may be madness — and maddest of all: to see life as it is, and not as it should be!”

and finally, to conclude this,

“All I know is that while I’m asleep, I’m never afraid, and I have no hopes, no struggles, no glories — and bless the man who invented sleep, a cloak over all human thought, food that drives away hunger, water that banishes thirst, fire that heats up cold, chill that moderates passion, and, finally, universal currency with which all things can be bought, weight and balance that brings the shepherd and the king, the fool and the wise, to the same level. There’s only one bad thing about sleep, as far as I’ve ever heard, and that is that it resembles death, since there’s very little difference between a sleeping man and a corpse.”

If you read this whole thing, thank you for indulging me. I greatly appreciate it.

[sintwistir]

My TED talk:

I know that people don't come to a sissy caption Blog for a lecture, but here we are... Feel free to skip this post, or block me if this somehow offends you.

I couldn't care less. 🥰

Typing this on my phone, which is awkward for geriatrics, so forgive me if the format/syntax is less than elegant.

It saddens me that there still exists so much disinformation and misinformation about being trans, especially among the younger generation.

I just had a really disappointing dm conversation with a 25 year old supposed trans girl (she wasn't sure yet). The sheer confidence that they had in their ignorance was astounding. The gist of their opinion was if you were AMAB and attracted to girls, you couldn't be trans, you just had a fetish . Basically, "if you're not trans like ME, for precisely the same reasons and with the same feelings as ME, you're not "really" trans, you're confused/mistaken. "Those people " don't usually transition, because it's just a kink.".

For those who haven't paid attention in the past forty or fifty years, let's recap:

Sexual preference and gender identity are NOT linked. If an AFAB person can and does feel a certain way, it's valid for a transfem to feel that same way. If an AMAB person can and does feel a certain way, it's valid for a transmasc to feel the same way. Basically, the very existence of lesbians validates the existence of trans lesbians.

It's that central disconnect that confuses and confounds many trans people. "If I want to feel feminine, but I also am still attracted to girls, it must just be a kink... I'm obviously not trans..'

It's why the sissy to trans pipeline is a real thing.

Just because you enjoy feminine things, sissy things, it doesn't mean that you're definitely/necessarily trans . But as someone who has been making sissy/forced femme captions for 20+ years, I will tell you anecdotally that the link between sissy and eventual trans "discovery" is so common it's pretty much become a meme at this point .

I resisted identifying as trans for YEARS due to this stigma. I KNEW what I was, a pervert that wanted to wear women's clothes. I was drawn to "forced femme" because I felt I SHOULD be ashamed of how I felt, that I DESERVED to be humiliated for feeling that way.

My friends in the online trans and caption communities knew years before I did that I was trans. My captions made it obvious. In the VAST majority, the main character deeply wants to be a girl, and ends up much happier when someone else "makes' them into one (a girl), absolving them of the responsibility (and the guilt). They normally react with absolute JOY when finally able to live as a girl.

I wallowed in my shame and guilt over my girly feelings for literally decades.

The fact that there are people still struggling with and/or arguing about this in 2025 due to misunderstanding and gatekeeping is seriously disheartening. I struggled with this in 1975, and 1985, and 1995... I had really hoped your generation was already past this.

I made captions back then for me, to help me express my feminine feelings and desires. I make them now for you.

I hope that for at least some "sissies" reading my work, it lets them know that they are not alone.

If you're 'just" a sissy with a feminization/humiliation kink, you are welcome here. And so are trans people . 🥰

Here endeth the lesson.

P.S. These days, I am a bisexual transwoman. Either as a side effect of HRT, or just coming to terms with being trans, I am now attracted to men also, something unthinkable to my prior self. Go figure.

[1driedpersimmon]

hello sea i hope you’re having a great day !!!

if you don’t mind could you break down how you draw bodies? nothing in depth, just the basic guidelines ! i’m trying to get better with anatomy and i don’t think the guidelines i use right now are the best… i love the way you do anatomy and was hoping to see your process of getting an initial pose down and making sure the proportions look right :D

ty in advance and no worries if you don’t feel like explaining / doing a guide !! 💙

Ok forgive me for leaving this unanswered for months, I promise I wasn’t ignoring it I was just busy and also trying to figure out how to best answer this aljskjs

Ok anyways so I broke down the absolute basic basic steps that I like to do for my figure, but I didn’t quite get into the specifics of anatomy and stuff like that (I’d have to do a whole lecture slide and well…. That’ll take much muccchhhhh longer) but anywho!

So I’m certainly not the be-all and end-all of anatomy/pose advice, but I’ve found that breaking down the figure like this into simple shapes is one of the best way I figure out a pose in the years I’ve taken classes/figure drawing myself. A good exercise is to do some gesture drawings with a time limit (for speedy folks like myself (hehe) I like to keep the sketches down to seconds! But if you make a nice sketch in say… 3-5 minutes, that’s a good time!) gesture drawings are literally just drawing people posing (live drawing sessions are really fun, but pictures are just as effective! I’ll say Pinterest is pretty solid for looking up dynamic poses to practice with, but if you just look up something like “dynamic poses online” you can find lots of solid sites that have collected poses over the years! Also do mind some of these have nude models option so if you are in public, at work, and if you’re a minor, please mind those options) another good method is to actually directly trace the figure itself. Not to get too into the ethics of tracing or whatever (good for practice… bad for “saying it’s yours and whatever”), but sometimes tracing the figure directly can help you understand what parts of the body connects to what, and overall would help you identify the various body parts a little better. But yeah! So that’s the gist of it. Again I haven’t gone too deep into the technicalities of anatomy as I would take much longer to do so (one day I will!) but I hope this answers at least a part of your question and helps you on your artistic journey :3

[duhitsitadori]

The Sun Burns Bright Blue

Synopsis: Based off of Homer’s The Iliad, and very (and I mean very) loosely Madeline Miller’s The Song of Achilles, this fic immerses you into the Homerian world in conjunction with Blue Lock. The story centers around Kaiser and Ness, who play the role of Achilles and Patroclus, but other parts will focus on other events in the Iliad following characters such as Odysseus of Ithaca as Isagi Yoichi, Hector of Troy as Noel Noa, and more.

CHAPTER 1– Alexis

Tags + Tw (please read): Blue lock, The Iliad AU, Kainess, Patroclus!Alexis Ness, Achilles!Michael Kaiser, major VIOLENCE, death, insulting Chapter Summary: Alexis Ness, Prince of Opus never thought he would kill anyone before he became king. That is until he loses to a game of dice. Fandom: Blue Lock Section: Fanfics, 1/29/2025 A/N: Hey y’all! I pitched this about a week ago, and I got a few notes on it. I was going to write it anyways, but I really wanted to write this one so y’all can immerse yourselves in my version of Patroclus Ness. The first chapter is pretty short, just to get a gist of how everything starts for Ness before meeting Kaiser. I’d love any comments, or suggestions. Currently, I’m thinking of making a cast list. Like seriously who the hell am I supposed to make Helen of Troy (or should I say Sparta), Itoshi Rin? A lot of thinking to do… I will be posting this on Ao3 and organizing a section for this on here so again any comments, suggestions, or even critiques are welcome! I’m an English major, so I’m having a lot of fun doing this. Oh, and another thing. Isn't it cool that "Alexis" already has Greek origins?

Life might have been better for Ness as a slave rather than an abandoned and hated prince.

Well, he’d at least hoped his options wouldn’t dwindle down to that. Not before killing a young boy after losing to him at a game of dice.

“You really had to do it this time?” Ness could hear his fathers words echoing in his head. Hot tears were streaming down his face as the infuriated king grabbed the collar of his son's shirt, rocking him back and forth like a pathetic rag doll.

Alexis– his given name meaning “to help or defend”. The gods seemed to have failed him at birth with that name. He failed after all, defending his own kingdom's honor. That is the only thing his father wished from his only son, and here Ness was with blood stained hands begging that same man not to kill him through fervid rage.

“I didn’t mean to! He–”

“You cannot fool me, boy.” his father scowled, leaning in close with a nasty sneer. “You and your silly little games have just ruined me! Us!”

Ness wailed at the truth being ruthlessly spat in his face. Born with an unmatched natural strength, he was easily the best fighter in Opus among the other boys his age. He had ideations of one day becoming King and the best warrior known throughout his land– but not that any of that mattered now.

The cracks and mushy clicks of the boy's skull rang through Ness’ head with each cutting syllable his father yelled. Winner gets to keep the dice, that was the deal. Upon being the best young fighter in Opus, Ness also happened to be the best player. He loved games. The flush in his face that overwhelmed his senses would throw him in a domineering trance, enveloping himself entirely in the thought of crushing his opponent just to see their sour faces. It was a sure way to win, through his insatiable imagination.

“Games”, his father would draw out in one of his lengthy lectures. “Are for common boys. You are a Prince, Alexis. Let me see you with those dice again and you will face the consequences.” with that, his father would stomp away. And though the consequences were never named, Ness would rather not find out.

But of course, that did not stop him.

“You lose!” the boy taunted, pointing an accusing finger at the center of Ness’ face. “Hand them over.”

Hand them over? Ness contemplated. Air tightened in his throat, and he felt the brutal infiltration of reality kick in. “No.” he said, the word leaving his mouth with a strong dip. This wasn’t a part of the picture he was painting in his head. He had played out it in his imagination meticulously, every single probability layed out in front of him. So why? He wasn’t about to give up his one prized possession that he could successfully keep from his father.

The boy's eyebrows furrowed, his eyes blown out dark. “Hey. We had a deal, Prince Ness.” He motioned to snatch the two pieces on the ground, gripping them and holding them close to his puffed out chest, “They’re mine.”

Ness never understood why his father graced every ground he walked on like he owned the very soil beneath his feet. He never asked, but his father always had an answer to his puzzling face. He was not a spectacular parent by any means, but he was a brilliant ruler by all aspects. He’d look over to his son with a precise gaze, a calculated one that Ness only saw when his father was trying to sway a shifty ally to get his way. “What is yours is yours, Alexis.” he would state softly, in the most gentle tone Ness would ever hear from his fathers mouth. “It is only logical. You are a Prince, Alexis.”

You are a Prince, Alexis. 

“No,” Alexis stood from the ground where they were playing. The boy looked up at him and his clenched fists, still adamantly clutching on the dice. “They’ve been mine. So they’re mine. Since I made the deal, I’m calling it off. Now give it.”

“Tch,” the boy hissed, standing up to level himself with the prince’s gaze. “Just admit you’re a sore loser and run home to your stupid palace.” he insulted, beginning to walk away with the dice. Just then, Ness thought he might just dig himself into the ground. He did lose. It wasn’t fair. But it really wasn’t fair when the arrogant boy chose his own fate by looking over his shoulder to leave one last blow on the pretentious young prince.

“Besides,” he snickered. “Aren’t Princes not supposed to be playing games anyway? Pretty pathetic to me.” he swiveled his head, flopping one proud foot forward after the other. “No wonder your father thinks you’re unfit to rule. Everyone knows.”

Ness spit through his jaw. Before he knew it, he found himself lunging off his right foot towards the boy who he obviously dwarfed in size. His vein-popped hand gripped his shoulder with a harsh squeeze, and spun him around to face his heated expression. The Prince gripped the boy's jaw, hunching his lean back over the boy's trembling body. “Who in Zeus’ name do you think you’re talking to?” Ness barked, his hand traveling down to the boy's delicate throat– untouched, and thin. He’s probably never seen a day of training in his life, the Prince thought. The boy squeaked, surrendering to Ness’ firm hold while his helpless arms flailed to the side of his skinny waist. Ness tightened his knuckles, humming in satisfaction as his game opponent attempted to let out measly coughs and half muttered apologies. “P-Please–” the now purple-faced boy pleaded.

“I already asked.” Ness coldly interrupted.

The prince loosened his grip ever so slightly, pulling his face in so he and the boy's noses were touching. His lips formed into a sickly upturn, his eyes fluttering into a forced sympathetic expression. “Hah,” Ness’ breath hitched, close enough that the boy could feel its intense assertion deflect off his own skin. “Forgive me. Now, give it back–”

“NO–” the boy somehow said, managing to yell in response. Ness always thinks it's impressive, the way even fallen and weak soldiers muster up the courage to defy their superiors. A wash of black consumes him before he can even deduce that what he’s doing might cost him everything, but he lifts the boy's head and smashes it into the wall behind him anyway.

The boy lets out a staccato-like moan, and his eyes roll back going white. Eventually, Ness sees it when he comes out of his murderous rage: the deep crimson red that pours and bleaches the surface behind the boy's head. The weight grows heavy in the Prince’s grip, and his muscles go limp releasing the dead body. Gravity pulls the boy quickly to the ground, a loud plop sounding through the space around them. Ness lets out a gasp, stepping back from his victim.

He stares at the curdled figure, blood still streaming and making small rivers into the dirt. “No,” Ness whispered. “No,” he repeated. “No!” he sobbed, reaching for his playmate picking him up behind his head. His knees were sure to be scraped by the rocky terrain beneath him the way he was scrabbling to pointlessly shake the boy awake in every place he could think to touch. His forearms, his shoulders, his knees, even his feet– every place he could think of was dead. He’s dead. And his hands are all the proof to show for it.

Ness after minutes of trying to revive the boy finally meets his eyes. The wide and lifeless expression looks back at him without vitality, and will never again return to this world. Ness chews his bottom lip, and let's go with a guilty roar. The dice sits idly on the ground, both rolling on the side of two, making a sum of four.

But Ness doesn’t even bother to pick them up. He runs home, like the boy told him to.

—

© —@duhitsitadori DO NOT repost, copy, or translate any of my works.

[dark-elf-writes]

A Hot for Teacher drabble? In this economy? More likely than you think.

I was reading through HFT and found a post about genma finding naru lost in the grocery store and it possessed me

Genma Shiranui was pretty sure the brightly colored package in his hand wasn’t actually food despite its many claims otherwise.

A glance through the ingredient list found nothing recognizable as something that came from nature, and he had major doubts that anything in that shade of orange the “food” was depicted as on the front was truly edible. He tossed it in the basket with his stack of instant ramen and energy drinks and swore to Guy’s ghost (not that he was dead, but speaking to his friend’s metaphorical spirit was far less exhausting than the enthusiastic lecture on nutrition he would get in person) that he would at least grab a premade salad before he left. He had just moved down to the next probably inedible and brightly colored package of junk food screaming for his attention when he heard the sniffle.

Genma frowned, looking at the package his hand was hovering over for a heartbeat too long before realizing the sound had come from below him. 

(He was still getting used to the whole “friends with single dads” thing. A part of him still wanted to look around for a responsible adult for himself, so the idea of being the responsible adult for someone else was a special kind of horrifying. That said, Genma showed up every time Guy or Kakashi needed a sitter even if the first time he had to look up how the hell he was supposed to change a diaper.)

The sight of familiar blue eyes, if bloodshot and rimmed with red from the tears that were pouring down the poor kid’s cheeks, was all Genma registered before a little body hit him with the force of a truck. His bad arm flew back to catch himself on the shelf, sending a painful twinge through his shoulder, while his good arm pulled his basket out of the way before a little head could slam into it.

“Naruto?” He managed through the pain as his brain finally caught up with who exactly the tiny bowling ball attached to his legs was. “Hey, buddy, what’s wrong? Where’s your dad?” That was, apparently, the wrong thing to ask as Naruto immediately burst into loud, body-shaking sobs.

Genma was an ex-soldier. He had stood calm under fire. He had taken a bullet and still dragged his battle buddy to safety before passing out from blood loss. 

He had a full two second panic when faced with a crying toddler.

Wrenching his panicking thoughts under control with an iron grip, Genma shifted the two of them until he was kneeling in front of Naruto, abandoning his basket to pet wild blond hair and whispering soft assurances as the poor kid cried. It took a couple minutes and a few repetitions to understand the word Naruto gasped out between sobs, but Genma eventually got the gist of it by the time Naruto had calmed enough that his sobs were more hiccups. 

Naruto had said he was too big for the cart, so Kakashi had allowed him to walk next to him while they shopped. Only Naruto had seen something that sparked his interest and wandered off, and by the time he remembered he had broken his promise to stay by his dad he didn’t know where in the store he was. Naruto had been looking for his dad when he had seen Genma and knew he would help.

Genma smiled and ruffled Naruto’s hair. “I’m glad you found me, kiddo. Now the two of us can find your dad, yeah?”

Fat little fists rubbed at those teary blue eyes so hard that Genma gently pulled them away for fear the kid would do some damage. “What if he’s mad?”

“Mad?” Genma asked, running gentle fingers under Naruto’s eyes to wipe away more stray tears before Naruto could start rubbing again. “Nah, he’s not gonna be mad. He’s too much of a worry wart for that.”

Naruto sniffed, and Genma mentally cursed himself for not carrying tissues as the kid ripped his nose on his orange sleeve. Some Uncle he was. “Promise?”

“I swear it, kiddo. Now c’mon, let’s find your dad.”

Genma shifted his basket to his bad arm before lifting Naruto up, settling him on his hip as he straightened from his crouch. Any discomfort from the weight on his arm was well worth it when Naruto rested his head on his shoulder. Even the thought of the toddler snot that was certainly getting wiped off on him didn’t bother him when Naruto let out a sniffly little giggle when Genma bounced him up into a more comfortable position.

It wasn’t the most comfortable carrying a still upset child in one arm while the other screamed in protest under the weight of the pitiful collection of junk that was Genma’s groceries, but Genma had been in far more uncomfortable situations. Being shot had a way of forcing perspective like that. 

In the end it wasn’t hard to find Kakashi. He was tearing up the main aisle like a madman head whipping left and right as he scanned the aisles. It probably would have been funny if he couldn’t see the near panic in his friend’s eye.

“Yo! Kash!”

Kakashi’s head snapped to him so fast Genma felt a twinge of sympathy in his own neck. He barely had the time to see one dark eye widen in recognition before his friend was there, abandoned cart slamming into a shelf hard enough to make the entire thing shutter at the force in his desperation, all but snatching Naruto from his arms and burying his face in wild blond hair. Naruto, whose tears had restarted the moment he caught sight of his dad, clung to Kakashi’s shirt and wailed into the dark fabric. 

The sound had attracted the eyes of the few people shopping at this hour, but a flash of a smile that was anything but friendly and a few pointed glares from Genma convinced their audience to suddenly find the nutritional facts of whatever was in their hand very interesting for the conceivable future. It was a bit harder wrangling Kakashi and Naruto down one of the side aisles, but Genma managed it. Saving the abandoned cart was far easier and had the added benefit of letting Genma put his own basket down as he steered with one hand. 

Once he had all three of them tucked into the most private space he could manage in the store he turned to his friend, frowning when he caught the rapid rise and fall of Kakashi’s shoulders and white-knuckled grip he had on Naruto’s jacket.

“Hey man,” Genma paused a few feet away when he saw Kakashi’s arms tighten. Right. Grounding first and comfort later. “You’re good. The kid is good too. He’s super smart, you know. Went straight to a safe adult and asked for help. Nearly scared me half to death when I saw him there, but he was real brave. I promised him as much junk food as he wanted before bedtime, so that’s probably not the best but I would argue that’s my right as honorary favorite uncle.”

Kakashi’s snort was more than a little harsh (and wet. Ugh, Genma didn't want to think what that was like with the mask) but his death grip on Naruto’s jacket loosened a little and he managed to pull back enough to glance up at Genma through his silver bangs. 

“Guy’s his favorite uncle.”

“Bullshi- cra- poop. Bull poop. Lee is his favorite cousin, and Guy is the person that makes Lee appear, that’s all.”

“Bullshit.”

“Hey! Little ears or some shit! Wait, fuck. I mean–!”

Kakashi’s huffed laugh was a welcome sound. Naruto’s muffled little giggle was even more so. Genma was batting a thousand here. “So, anyway, Favorite Uncle Genma declares that tonight is movie night complete with all the junk food we can eat without barfing. Don’t even try to argue. I know damn well you don't have anything planned for tomorrow, so all three of us are staying up past bedtime and bonding.” 

It was surprisingly easy to corral Kakashi and Naruto out of the store. Kakashi hadn’t even protested when Genma had paid for all the groceries himself, which might have been because he was far too busy glaring at anyone who looked at Naruto too long like an overgrown guard dog. He also didn’t argue when Genma snagged his keys and shoved him into the passenger side after buckling Naruto into his car seat which was a mercy considering lifting Naruto up into his seat and transferring the groceries into the back had done Genma’s shoulder no favors. He’d make Kakashi drive him back to his car in the morning… or text Hayate and bribe him into using the spare key to get it home.

Thankfully, Genma was around enough that Kakashi’s pack didn’t jump him immediately after he shouldered through the door with both sets of groceries hanging off his good arm. Even better Genma actually remembered where Kakashi kept the laminated paper with all of the dogs’ dinner needs so he managed to get all eight of them fed and watered correctly without having to break up the tangled mass that was Kakashi and Naruto on the couch. 

Eventually all three of them were situated on Kakashi’s singular couch (god he and Guy needed to see about getting the poor bastard more furniture that wasn't child-sized or a dog bed) with varying bowls and packages of candies, cookies, and the mystery orange monstrosity Genma had picked up at the store that Naruto loudly claimed as his favorite spread around them. There was even an age-appropriate movie droning on in the background that they all paid half attention to while hunting for their preferred snack. Sure, the amount of sugar and god knew what else all three of them were eating could hardly be considered a balanced dinner, but Genma was content in the knowledge that all three of them were fed without bloodshed or any more tears. 

He was killing this whole Uncle thing.

Naruto had dropped into sleep, snoring away from his spot sprawled across both of them, when Kakashi reached one arm behind the couch and flicked something light and flat over Genma’s head. It took some shifting to free his good arm enough to peel what turned out to be a heating pad off of his face.

“You fucked up your arm,” Kakashi accused.

“A bullet fucked up my arm. I just irritated it.”

That earned him a rude gesture which was rather merciful considering Kakashi’s usual gruff sort of love. Maybe Genma should let himself be a kid mattress more often. “Well you’re damn good at it, bastard.”

Genma laughed, stilling when Naruto shifted on top of him. When he was sure his living blanket was still out he shot Kakashi a smirk. “I’m good at a lot of things, I’ll have you know.”

Kakashi’s face did something complicated. “You are. Better than me.”

Suddenly Genma wasn’t so sure they were talking about being annoying anymore. He nudged Kakashi with his socked toes and narrowed his eyes at him. “You’re a good dad, Kash. I’ll fight anyone who says otherwise.”

“Even me?” Kakashi asked with a pointed look at Genma’s bad shoulder.

“I never said that I’d win the fight.” That earned him a snort, which Genma took as a win. “Seriously, Kakashi, what you’re doing is fucking hard. I can barely manage to take care of myself most days, much less a living breathing human being. Even if it wasn’t just you it would be hard. Everyone talks about how hard it is, that’s why they have those mommy groups and shit so you can drink wine and talk about how hard it is.”

“Actually they’re more–”

“See? You know! You give a fuck about your kid enough to know! This doesn’t make you a bad dad. Fuck, my old man forgot me at the store twice when I was Naruto’s age. Shit happens, and you’re the kind of smart that will figure out the leash the first time instead of the second.”

Kakashi’s kick was far gentler than it would have normally been either because the cold blooded bastard had finally grown a heart or because of the toddler still using Genma as a futon… probably the toddler. “Make all the dog jokes about me you want, but leave the kid out of it.”

Genma blinked. “I wasn’t!”

“Leash?” Kakashi pointed out with an unimpressed eyebrow.

“I was serious, asshole! They make like backpacks with fucking leashes or some shit. Better than the bracelet I had to–” Genma broke off as a thought occurred to him. Wait, hold on, you mean I was a leash kid, and Hatake ‘Dog Food Isn’t That Bad’ Kakashi wasn’t?”

Despite being friends with Kakashi for years, Genma still wasn’t entirely sure how the bastard managed to smirk with the mask hiding his mouth. What he was sure about was that it was fucking annoying to have aimed at him.

(Genma ignored the slight feeling of relief in his chest that Kakashi was back to his usual bastard self.)

“That explains so much about you.”

“Fuck off, you didn’t even know leash kids were a thing before now!”

“And yet so many burning questions about Shiranui Genma have been answered in one fell swoop!”

The renewed ache in Genma’s arm was well worth the sight of the orange monstrosity of a snack he had picked up at the store bouncing off of the skin between Kakashi’s eyes, and onto the floor. At least it was until the two of them scrambled to get out from under Naruto and to the mystery snack before one of the dogs could snatch it. 

(A few days later Genma showed up at Kakashi’s door proudly showing off the orange fox harness backpack much to Naruto’s delight, firmly solidifying himself in the position of favorite uncle.)

[sheyfu]

Hello, please check out this tumblr post right here

https://www.tumblr.com/caiimeal/758903075186622464/ai-user-vmlnrz?source=share

to spread awareness. This blue lock 'writer' (@/vmlnrz) uses artificial intelligence (AI) to write their work. Proof included.Reblogs are appreciated.

hi nonnieeeeee thank you so much for sending me thissss <3

i just checked the post and it's quite saddening to hear this T__T there are a lot of authors who pour their hearts and hours to create and post on this platform and seeing someone use AI to make a story instead of writing one themself actually makes me a little, you know, demotivated WUSHHAHAHA

i mean hear me out, using AI to create something isn't necessarily bad. however, if you use it (as in use it and then claim it as your own) (i literally also cannot tolerate the use of AI AHSHHAAH), then that's a very different story. i don't want to sound like a know it all or a show-off (or pabibo in tagalog bc i literally don't know the right term for this in english 😭😭) but whenever i have a lecture in communication (OVERHSARING TIME WUAHAHHAH) my prof always says to this to us. moreover, she's not someone who's strict about using AI engines like ChatGPT (she actually encourages us to do so), however, please see her explanation as to why she allows us to use AI in our projects!!

in her words (not exact, but the gist of it is here IWHAHJA [she makes sure to tell us before every meeting so it's practically engraved into my mind rn WUHAHAJAJ)

'i don't mind you using ChatGPT to write your papers, but you should know how to use it responsibly. by responsibly, i mean use it as a guide to helping you, not the other way around [the engine helping you instead]. you have the power to control the engine, but of course, don't let it control you. if you're having trouble writing or starting or concluding your paper, you can use ChatGPT to help you with that. but remember, the use of ChatGPT is to help you branch out your ideas, not create your ideas.'

of course, im not saying that the author using an engine was very wrong (i mean, to some degree, it definitely is wrong hahaha), however, i just hope that they know writing is crafted by your imagination. and if that imagination is encapsulated by AI, then what's the point of making stories? yes, writing is hard, it definitely is. but that doesn't give you a reason to just fuck it and ball WHAHHAAHHAHA writing is a lokg process. throughout your journey as a writer, you'll experience a lot of things (my whole life is an e2l 55k fanfic ao3 tumblr wattpad fanfic.com oneshot with writer's block atp), and you may also discover your own unique writing style!

i'll admit that at first, i did use AI and took inspo from other authors, but i didn't use AI/inspo just to post. i used AI to gather ideas, expand my vocabulary, and expose myself to fiction writing. and with those inspos/sample stories, i was able to find my own writing style that helped me in my success (AM I SUCCESSFUL?×?@(@(@ WHAHAHAH)

with a big platform like tumblr, this message could rub off in the wrong way to some people. so, if you don't agree, please consider clicking off. i don't need people to criticize my opinions, only my works, please WHAJHAAHAHHA. on the other hand, though, if you want to share any of your opinions, then feel free to drop by my inbox/comment here :))

im really not the best person to approach when it comes to these stuff (my thoughts are so messy and im literally clueless as to whats happening rn HWJSHSJAH), but i hope that this message could at least inspire the author to create a work of their own. plus, if they have trouble writing, they could always ask for help from others!! (you can ask me, but idk if i'll be able to give good advice in writing actuall written works LMAOAOAKAOO [im much more comfy w chat aus WHEHEHEHEH])

so to end, i hope that this author could figure out everything they need to figure out. i encourage you to post anything and everything you like. don't think about if people would like it or not. writing is an experimental journey. you'll experience a lot of ups and downs (ahem, writer's block and burning out, ahem), but if you take your time in crafting your very own pieces, i'm sure you'll be able to create things that are solely unique to you, and reflect pieces of you and your passion in writing :))

good luck, author! i wish you all the best in your writing journey! if you need help, i'm sure there are lots of people who are willing to do so :)

[where-fading-princesses-live]

People don't create for money (or shouldn't)

This has been bugging me.

I guess there's been a misconception here about why people write books.

I am not an author, but I have friends who are writers, some published (like Denny Reese), and others are just starting out and never been published before like Sarah Rose and Catharine. Some of my friends even make fancomics like Gabi and Kayla but they're darn good fancomics at that!

But here's the thing.

If you think people are writing books or making art for the sole purpose of making money that's a wrong assumption and here's why.

I follow a ''Writers helping Writers'' Facebook group and all these struggling writers get advice from published authors. And I've read their posts and I've listened to what Denny has had to say, having been through it, and according to most people, realistically, most writers don't generate a big income no matter if it's a bestseller or not. Sure, *certain* authors make millions, like JK Rowling, but she is a rare exception. Very few authors become millionaires off their work alone even if they're moderately successful. Most writers take other jobs to make a living. Most lecture at colleges or teach English because publishing books doesn't really bring in a lot of money and I guess according to some who work in the publishing world, royalties are not what they used to be either. According to Denny (and this is something I didn't know beforehand) but especially for writers who sell on Amazon, I guess Amazon takes most of the profit anyway and Denny has said most writers don't push Amazon sales because they don't make much! He has even said ''Other people have made more money on my book than I have.''

Did he do it for the money? NO. And he has other businesses to pay the bills. His books are selling and successful but he is not rich, and he has two books out and another one on its way. So if it doesn't make money why do people do it?

Because they genuinely enjoy writing!

They want to tell stories. They want to share with the world a subject they're passionate about. Most writers are writing from the bottom of their heart, and in Denny's case, he's written a book about the Gomer Pyle series as a fan for fans! There weren't any other books about it and so he put one out for us! He didn't do it for the money.

And my friend sarah Rose is writing a Jim Nabors bio. She has no book deal, she has no agent, she's never published before and she makes no money as an English tutor but she's been funding research out of pocket just because it's something she really enjoys doing! And no one is paying her to do it! she probably won't make back half of what she spent on the project but she's doing it anyway NOT FOR THE MONEY but because she has a story she wants to tell, as a fan for the fans! It comes from a place of love, in honoring this man's life, not profiting from it, and yes, a lot of fans want to read the book and a lot of friends of Jim want to read it too! Ruth Buzzi wants to read it, Karen Morrow wants to read it... and it's not for the money. Even Hollywood bios don't make a lot of money these days unless you're an A-list Hollywood director or actor... the agent will probably take so much percent of it and the publisher will take the other the other half of the cut I guess? (I'm not exactly sure how that works but that's the gist of what I've heard).

So many people have written books about Mayberry and most of them didn't make money, and most of them are out of print these days but they were created with love and were by fans for fans, to preserve the humanity and the spirit of the show. It didn't make anybody rich!

So people who think that writers write for the money, you're dead wrong and have unrealistic expectations when it comes to publishing!

If there are writers out there wanting to make a fast buck then writing is NOT the way to do it ... it is NOT a money making field (or at least it's not the most money making field) unless you're a cult leader who writes a self-help book or something. You'd be better off becoming a dentist because writing takes a tremendous amount of time, effort, skill, and the most dedicated ones pour all their sweat blood and tears into their work and may NEVER see their work on a bookstore shelf. But they do it anyway and they keep trying and pushing through the rejection! even if it slowly kills them, they keep writing because writing for them is like breathing. It's a way of life. It's a way they express themselves. A writer is not what they are it's WHO they are and they know nothing else.

So I read a post from a guy who wrote 6 books so far. He said: ''All of them were written in those times when I wasn’t seeing patients, kids are in bed, and my wife fell asleep. I turn on the gentle light, and I write. The books take up the time and energy that I can’t spare. And they bring really no income to speak of. Retire on them? I don’t see how.

But, I write them. It organizes my mind. Writing regularly creates order in my mind. Some people meditate. Some pray. I write.''

I think that perfectly sums it up. This guys has a day job and he raises a family and he still writes even if it doesn't support him financially. He writes because it's a passion of his.

Most writers don't get rich and famous, that's just the reality, but that's not why most people do it.

There are so many other jobs and career options out there that will make more money than becoming a writer.

So anyway, just to clear the air, for most writers, the motivation for writing a book has never been money (or shouldn't be).

Sure, it would be nice to be able to support yourself off your art, and it doesn't make you a bad person if you do make some money from it, because let's face it, that's almost like saying, ''Oh that singer shouldn't make an album to make money'' or ''That actor shouldn't do that TV series to make money!'' Well yeah and most don't it FOR the money, they do it because they enjoy creating, but you know, artists gotta eat, too, and even they can't be putting on concerts or making movies for free, they gotta support themselves! But they don't do it FOR the money. It's not the only reason. It's a job, yes, but it's also their sentiment and if we're gonna fault people for selling commissions of their work, then you clearly are just horrible and judgemental for no reason who obviously isn't a starving artist.

Here's a quote from Mike Awoyinfa, journalist, publisher and author:

''It’s not about riches. It is about having a good, original story,  carrying it in your head like pregnancy, nurturing it and giving birth  to it in the labour room of solitude, passion and persistence.''

Azubuike Ishiekwene: journalist, author:

''Riches and fame are, in a sense, relative. I think contentment and purpose are the key things.''

Artists feel fulfilled when we create something even if nothing comes from it. I went to art school to be an animator. For Disney or Pixar or something... Did I? No. Will I ever? Probably not. I've been working retail since I've been out of school and I was rejected from Cal Arts.  I don't draw as much as I used to and I've never sold my art, but I doodle occasionally because it's still fun for me even if it didn't end up paying my rent.

But we're content, right? Most of us are living in poverty, but we're rich in the soul because we love to create and make things that make us happy, even if the rest of the world doesn't like it, it doesn't matter because it's our own personal accomplishment and self fulfillment.

Anyway it just irks me when people think writers or artists do it for the money because no you're wrong and you're obviously not a writer or an artist if you think that way. You should see how empty my bank account is and my friends, always looking for work, never knowing where our next pay check is going to be coming from and none of us got rich and famous from our creations but hey we still do it in our spare time because we love it!

[bitchofdarkness]

Office Struggles

Pairing: An Jun-ho/Han Ho-yeol Rating: Teen and Up Audiences A/N: There might come more eventually, it's just a prologue for now. My head is full of AUs and this one came to me recently. There is a bigger story lurking in the back of my head. You can also read it on AO3, if you prefer. I's advise to subscribe to the fic on AO3 if you want to be notified for more chapters once I upload. Word count: 502

A loud exhale turned into a groan as Ho-yeol dramatically fell back into his long chair, while Jun-ho was still standing next to the door. After a while he looked at his new secretary, who appeared to be a little lost with this type of emotional expression.

"An Jun-ho," he said slowly, noticing how the other man stood straighter at hearing his name. Right, the young man had absolved his mandatory military service already. "Why do you refuse to follow the concept your predecessor instructed you to use? The files will be easier to read by everyone."

"It makes more sense to me when I do it my way." Jun-ho admitted, "Closer to what I've learned at university."

"You only went one year, how could you possibly know what's easier," Ho-yeol snapped and Jun-ho looked down at his hands. "Everyone before you had a vast knowledge, even had a college degree and I gave you a chance regardless of what my father said."

Jun-ho mumbled something under his breath that sounded like "I still don't know why" but Ho-yeol generously ignored it as he looked out the window. "Sir, it's just….have you ever wondered why there've been so many secretaries before me? Maybe the system that was set out isn't as efficient as you think."

Ho-yeol's head immediately snapped back to look at his employee, "What did you just say?" He wanted to know and sat up. He could see how uncomfortable Jun-ho got, but he didn't look exactly frightened either. "Are you making me responsible because you can't grasp how a simple program works?" 

"No!" Jun-ho quickly replied, "It's…" he was lost for words and inhaled deeply before evenly asking, "can I show you?" 

That was how Ho-yeol found himself at Jun-ho's desk– a place he'd never sat at before in his entire career and Jun-ho leaned over him from behind to click through the motions. "See? It makes no sense, but if you do it this way, it's much easier and people might understand what those files really entail."

He hated to admit it, but Jun-ho was right. Ho-yeol also noticed that he smelled pretty nice and realized he had to get out of that chair as soon as possible. If he were to have an affair with one more of his employee's his father would fire him– possibly disown him too. At least that was the gist of his fathers lecture that Ho-yeol still remembered. "Are you telling me the program our first secretary invented is complete bullshit?" He asked and turned his head enough to look up at Jun-ho. 

Which was a bad, bad idea. The innocent face of his newest employee coupled with the little shrug he gave was almost too cute to handle. 

"To put it that way, yeah," Jun-ho said, gaze not wavering under Ho-yeol's inquisitive stare. Damn him to hell. "I think she did it on purpose when you fired her."

Come to think of it, that made an awful lot of sense.

[rosetower]

Funniest fucking thing of my life happened while I was downtown tonight with my roommate looking for a restaurant to eat at, we pass by a place called Elliott's and there's 3 people at an outdoor table discussing something, a young college-age guy, an older guy and a girl about my age. The girl stops us and is like "Excuse me, Excuse me. Sorry. I'm so sorry. Can I get your opinion on something. If not you can just keep on walking but can I get your opinion on something" and I literally have been on a high of people asking me my opinions on things lately I literally pulled myself up to lean over the railing and was like "Yes. I absolutely LOVE giving my opinions on things. Hit me" and she goes and is like "It's about gender roles" and I feel like, she could not have incidentally picked a better person, the 2 transgender people walking down the street of which one of them literally has given a talk to Google employees before on complex gender specifically... anyways.

The topic that they were arguing about was like, the gist of it was "Is it fair for a woman to expect a man to pay for everything, to expect that a man goes to work and pays for everything" and the overall answer is "No" but the specific situations that they were talking about in these here, we ended up getting into the discussion of like, what is to be expected in the relationship? Financially and in terms of like, who does what and what do we do, and how to manage doing things when you're raising kids, etc. And the young guy definitely was like in that unlearning thing where he's got ppl with him that are trying to teach him about the way that Equal relationships work, and how gender roles shouldn't be the dominant thing in the relationship by Any means at all, cause he kept saying stuff like how it's not fair "for the females in a relationship to expect the man to just go to work and pay for everything" and I brought up like, well, realistically it's going to depend. Because a lot of relationships feature people who are working, and I told him like, if you get into a relationship where the woman is making more money generally it's fair if relationships split the money through who makes more pays more and who makes less pays less but both of them try to go about bills and such a normal way. Like they split it 70-30 or 40-60 or etc. Like it's going to depend. And I told him also at a certain point like also, don't get into a relationship with someone who you can't figure things out with, a ton of men get into relationships and build up like, resentment for their wives and families because they hate their job and they hate working all the time to support their family and etc. etc. etc. but the crux of it is that they're working themselves Too Hard and not spending time with their family and such. I told him like, you gotta get with somebody you can Figure It Out with. Like you really gotta get with someone who's going to understand like, you're gonna be working less hours, you're going to make less money, but that's going to be okay, we're going to Figure Things Out. And I think he seemed to understand that at least. He was doing that like silent nodding of like, he agrees, it makes sense...

... That girl he was with was the one mainly like, talking also about like how those same relationships work and etc. and the older guy also agreed, I feel kind of bad cause they literally grabbed the One person off the street who is at ALL TIMES entirely prepared to give a lecture on gender ANYTHING. Like TRULY. Doesn't matter WHAT IT IS I will always be ready to give a lecture on GENDER ANYTHING. They grabbed the person who does this for FUN. That poor kid had no idea what he was getting into LOL

[fvrsaeken]

" OPEN. THIS. FUCKING. DOOR. " (to Judith from Shane)

Judith was laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling when she heard Shane start banging on the door. "Go away." It was quiet, definitely not loud enough for him to hear, her eyes filling with tears as she rolled onto her side, pulling her blanket tighter around herself. He was still standing there, she could tell. She didn't hear the creak of the floorboards which either meant suddenly he could float or he hadn't moved and she doubted the former was possible. "I don't wanna talk about it Shane." She sniffed.

When still, the floorboards didn't creak, Judith pushed herself out of bed and walked over to the door, unlocking it and pulling it open before moving back to sit on her bed, knees pulled to her chest. "At least you can't say you taught me better than to lock my door or whatever." She mumbled, biting the inside of her cheek as she felt fresh tears spring to her eyes. "Or are you here to lecture me too? I can give you the same speech? Maybe a little different, but the same gist I guess."

Judith looked up at Shane, the whites of her eyes turned red as she watched him walk into her room. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I just... I try so hard and I still feel like I failed." She shook her head. "What did I do wrong? I did everything I could. I followed the rules, I stayed inside the lines, I did everything and he still..." She couldn't even finish her sentence as she tried, and failed, to stop the sob that passed her lips.

She wasn't sure how much everyone knew about the fight she'd had with her dad, but she was sure that everyone knew how hard she'd worked her whole life. "Did I really let him down?"

[punkscowardschampions]

Ruster pt.2

Rio: It doesn’t matter now

Buster: It does to me

Rio: We don’t need to get back into that

Rio: we’ve agreed it’s the least I deserve/could happen

Buster: Did we, when? I don’t remember agreeing to that

Rio: I’m not going back over the things we said that are written down

Rio: we know the gist 

Buster: I haven’t said you forfeited the right to be treated the way you deserve to be

Rio: You’re being the bigger person right now

Buster: It isn’t feasible to remain angry for the rest of my life

Rio: Sounding very unlike the family but I don’t want that for you, obviously

Buster: My parents understandably used theirs as motivation, I’m not in the position they were, nor lacking drive

Rio: You’ll be grand so

Rio: who could be more blessed

Buster: Exactly

Rio: Thank God

Buster: Well no, much like Santa and the Easter Bunny, he doesn’t exist

Rio: No need to be atheist, just a saying

Buster: If you’ve run out of things to say, there’s no need to keep talking

Rio: If you want me to stop talking, then just say

Buster: I’d stop replying and you’d get the hint sooner or later

Rio: Do you wish you’d come to the parade now, what are you doing?

Buster: [I shamelessly can and will take the excuse to have him be somewhere/be doing something that’s a throwback to when they were younger because Ali has lived in her gaff for a minute and there has been other Easters in better ruster times therefore that we can ref]

Rio: Oh

Rio: That’s a lot better than this, honestly

Buster: I already proved I make better choices than you

Rio: You’ve not been faced with the choices I have

Buster: I wouldn’t be

Rio: You aren’t his type, no

Buster: I suspect I wouldn’t be any predator’s, like you said I’m far too blessed

Rio: What are you saying about me?

Buster: He exploited your weakness, that’s what abusers do

Rio: I don’t have the weaknesses you’re talking about

Buster: Okay

Rio: Nice

Buster: There isn’t anything nice about this

Rio: No shit but don’t victimise me

Buster: I’m not going to do the opposite, however guilty you feel

Rio: You know the truth

Buster: Yeah, he’s a grown man and your former step-dad

Rio: You’ve decided to be over it today

Buster: Everyone knows you can’t consent, irrespective of how enthusiastically you told my sister otherwise

Rio: I did

Buster: Legally, false

Rio: I did with you

Buster: You could with me, we’re the same age and I’m not in a position of power over you

Rio: I don’t wanna talk about it

Buster: And I don’t want to rethink my future career on the basis on helping you perpetuate a fantasy you’ve constructed

Buster: What other opinion did you expect me to hold?

Rio: You’re so law-abiding all the time, are you?

Buster: I wouldn’t sexually assault someone

Rio: You don’t get to pick and choose the ones you like and the ones you don’t, you know

Buster: Prison overcrowding isn’t due to underage drinking or any of the misdemeanours you’re attributing to me in an attempt to make a point

Rio: Rich boys don’t go to prison regardless

Buster: If he could buy himself out of paedophilia you wouldn’t be so worried

Rio: I don’t need telling, is the point, so save the lectures

Buster: I don’t need telling that the sex was mindblowing but that hasn’t stopped you, or Nancy, from repeatedly doing so

Buster: nor does it make his actions acceptable

Rio: She told you, do you think I wanted this, for you to know anything

Buster: You told me yourself

Rio: By the time we were arguing

Buster: And again just now

Rio: It doesn’t matter what it was

Buster: Women find serial killers attractive, marry prisoners who’ll thankfully forever be denied parole, the reason is mental illness

Rio: Jesus, you’re so fucking patronising

Buster: Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realise it was only a turn on when he’s babying you

Rio: You don’t have to humiliate me, it’s mortifying without any help, honestly

Buster: Back at you, babe

Rio: I’m not trying to

Buster: Then you succeeded completely by accident, how nice for you

Rio: Buster, I’m sorry

Buster: I don’t want to hear it

Rio: It was hardly my intention

Buster: Actions speak louder and you had no intention of ending things with him even though you promised, I honestly doubt you ever tried

Rio: I didn’t want to, I’ve not made any secret of how shit the alternative is

Buster: You’re still buying time and my silence, that’s shit

Rio: You can’t force me to want being alone, I’ll do it but that’s as far as it goes

Buster: When the alternative is him, I shouldn’t have to force you, I’m running out of ways to state that

Rio: There’s no way to get through to you that despite your moral lecture, the legality doesn’t matter so whatever

Buster: Yes it does

Rio: Not to me

Buster: Because you think you’re 24, but to him you’re not

Buster: in his head, who the fuck knows how old you are

Rio: I don’t, I just know what actually happened

Buster: Do you?

Rio: Yes, for fuck’s sake

Buster: What actually happened is you were heartbroken over me and instead of caring, he used how upset you were to his advantage

Rio: He was there

Buster: When you’re really drunk or high you can’t consent and you were clearly as out of your mind, speaking from personal experience of how I’ve felt

Buster: you won’t convince me you were in control of things

Rio: So not only do I have to go back to being that out of my mind, I now get the added-

Rio: -what, what do you want me to do with this information, how that would feel?

Buster: If I could deal you a better hand, I would

Rio: Yeah, cheers

Buster: What do you want me to do?

Buster: You took this out of my hands, all of it

Rio: You left

Buster: I needed a second

Rio: It’s gone

Buster: It’s laughable what I did was the crime of the century but he hasn’t committed one

Rio: According to you he doesn’t love me at all but you were meant to

Buster: I do fucking love you, that’s why I couldn’t react any differently to nan and grandad suddenly being there

Buster: you give everyone else grace for their mistakes, but not me

Rio: I can’t, whether we like it or not, everything changed in that second

Buster: I said go, not go and fuck Edie’s dad

Buster: I needed you to leave the house, not abandon me to run away with him

Rio: I know what go meant

Buster: You don’t

Buster: I almost stopped you, even in the moment I didn’t fucking want it to mean that

Rio: but you knew

Rio: the only reason you’ve had any sense of urgency to come here and see me is because you didn’t have me hanging on the fucking line anymore, otherwise you’d leave it, how you always have

Buster: The sense of urgency came from being scared for you, because I also have the common sense to recognise you’re in danger

Rio: He’d be a fool to push it and whatever else he’s not stupid, you don’t need to worry

Buster: He’s arguably extremely stupid

Buster: or at least begging to be caught

Rio: He doesn’t care about your sister and he thinks Edie loves him too much to say anything

Rio: he’s not going to want to be in real trouble

Buster: He doesn’t care about flaunting what he’s doing in everyone’s faces, the only reason they don’t all already know is because it’s a family trait to look away from anything they wish wasn’t happening until they finally have to uncomfortably attempt to address what’s glaring obvious and been going on the entire time

Rio: He’ll probably go wherever his brother and sister are, it’s a ready-made escape plan

Buster: I didn’t ask, the sole reason he has the opportunity to escape from me is because I promised you I wouldn’t hurt him

Rio: It’s not worth anyone ruining their life over

Buster: According to you, I’d avoid the fate

Rio: Murder is still pushing it

Rio: you aren’t that rich

Buster: Voluntary manslaughter, obviously

Rio: It’s not funny

Rio: and you still hail from the same shitholes we all do

Buster: I’m not joking, without the pun of being deadly serious seeming necessary

Rio: Well you may as well be ‘cos it's not happening 

Buster: You could always visit me, as criminals are such a turn on for you

Rio: Still not funny

Buster: Still not a joke

Rio: You’re going to be even more of an arsehole to me now than you were before

Buster: We aren’t friends, I’ll tolerate you like I do the rest of the family

Rio: I’ve met your friends, hardly aspirational

Buster: I’ve barely met my friends, hardly a devastating blow

Rio: Sure, so complex

Buster: On the contrary, they’re exceptionally shallow

Rio: You can be too, far as we’re concerned

Buster: You’ve implied it, my concern being what turns me on and nothing else

Rio: I remember what I said

Buster: So do I

Rio: What do you want me to say

Buster: I don’t want anything from you

Rio: There we go then, why would I take it back

Buster: Feel free to stand by every word

Rio: I don’t care 

Buster: I know

Rio: I’m not coming back, enjoy the rest of your day

Buster: Of course I won’t, but don’t let that influence your decision for once

Rio: There’s no reason to do this, be around each other

Buster: There’s every reason there’s always been

Rio: I can’t bear it

Buster: Where are you going?

Rio: Someone will be somewhere, not all my friends have kid sisters and brothers

Buster: Please come back

Rio: You don’t like me anymore

Buster: If that was true I wouldn’t be here waiting for you

Rio: You think I’m a bad person and I can’t prove you wrong

Buster: You did a bad thing, you aren’t a bad person unless you continue to

Rio: I did, when I promised not to

Buster: I meant what I said, I know it’s not as simple as I want, nothing ever fucking is

Rio: It’s just you fuck my head so much and thinking about how bad this all is does and that’s the easiest way to not think about anything

Rio: it’s pathetic but that’s the truth

Buster: In truth, mum thinks I’m pathetic too

Buster: she firmly believes I’m going to go to America and crack, maybe I will now

Rio: No, you thrive under pressure

Buster: If she’s unconvinced I’m capable of doing what she taught me to do, what stranger is going to be?

Rio: She has to worry about you, be the one to doubt you if necessary 

Rio: you have to do it, you want it more than anything

Buster: I put you under too much pressure, I never wanted that

Rio: Hardly

Rio: like you said, how hard should it be to do the right thing

Buster: Well, the right thing for me to do would be to push you away for good this time, and I can’t

Rio: You could, if I let you

Buster: No, I don’t want to

Rio: You’re closer than you’ve ever been though

Buster: Which doesn’t feel like an achievement to be proud of

Rio: I can feel it, like I’m losing footing

Buster: I won’t let you

Rio: You should, by all rights

Rio: push me and save yourself

Buster: I can save you without sacrificing myself

Rio: That shouldn’t be a choice you even have to contemplate

Buster: It isn’t a choice

Rio: I’d say I’d rather lose you than hurt you but how can I with a straight face

Rio: wanting to lose you will never be true

Buster: Losing you hurt me more than anything, I’m a wreck, hence the maternal suicide watch

Rio: I know that she’s been watching you all day

Rio: so she’s inevitably caught me looking at you several times too

Buster: It’s fine, the current dress code flatters me, everyone is aware of how good I look

Rio: You’d never hurt yourself, would you

Rio: not in ways that aren’t at least temporary as they are distracting

Buster: Vaguely pleasurable is a further prerequisite 

Rio: That too

Buster: I’m not that weak, even without you

Rio: I know that

Rio: if your mum doesn’t get to overreact though then who does

Buster: I remember you calling me a coward, but I assure you, the insult doesn’t extend that far

Rio: You’re not

Rio: you just weren’t doing what I wanted you to do

Buster: I wasn’t doing what I wanted either, if that’s any consolation

Rio: You were being smart, old habits 

Buster: A blessing and a curse, often in equal measure

Rio: I’d not know 

Buster: Liar

Rio: I’m the stupidest person you know right now

Buster: Because you were playing dumb

Buster: I dare you to be yourself right now

Rio: Dare dare?

Buster: Yeah

Rio: Are you going to notice the difference?

Buster: Come on, I notice everything

Rio: Yeah

Rio: I might be a tiny bit too drunk to be smart

Buster: I’ll sober you up

Rio: Threatening 

Buster: And/or promising

Rio: Not if it’s [the remedy you know he swears by]

Buster: I can definitely do better than [some of these ingredients]

Rio: You’ll have to

Buster: Consider it done

Rio: What do we have left to do?

Buster: Aside from beating me up, I’m not sure you’re obligated to do anything else

Rio: Oh, you still want me to do that

Buster: You know you want to, babe

Rio: I feel stupid

Rio: but you can show me

Buster: You’ll feel better or I’ve failed, and I don’t

Rio: It makes you feel better, I know that

Buster: You can do it for me then, I’m not above using those tactics

Rio: I don’t know if it’ll be quite as satisfying as a win as you’re used to 

Rio: unless the other lads are really that unworthy of opponents

Buster: They absolutely are, but I’m not going to win, you will

Rio: Don’t think I don’t see that’s a win for you too

Buster: I thought you were too wasted to see straight

Rio: You’re blatant

Buster: Am I?

Rio: To me

Rio: you aren’t going to mess up your winning streak

Buster: I’d mess it up for you

Rio: If I deserved it

Rio: not if I fall on my arse

Buster: I’ve been telling you what you deserve this entire time

Rio: Let me try to earn it, prove it one day

Buster: You haven’t disproved it in [however many it’s been] days

Rio: Have so but just say yes anyway

Buster: Have not

Rio: You can’t say that

Buster: I can say whatever I want

Rio: Well, yes but

Buster: But nothing

Rio: Alright, we ain’t fighting yet

Buster: Tell me about the parade I’m missing

Rio: [film it for him like such a mum, hope you’re at the front with the children hun or you won’t see a thang lol]

Buster: [we all know she can’t see a damn thing and it’s blurry as hell but he’s buzzing anyway, hence]

Buster: When are you coming back?

Rio: Soon, we’ve lost Nancy like 5 times and it’s pissing your dad off

Buster: What a terrible shame it would be if she fell in front of a float

Rio: She could be on a float in her outfit

Buster: She’s crying out for the childhood bonnet contest days, but alas, even my ridiculous school draws a line at our age

Rio: Aw

Rio: the day is young, my mum would happily oblige 

Buster: I’d have to involve myself to annoy her and I’m busy

Rio: You can have a bonnet too, I know you want to

Buster: Big as my head may be, two hats is probably ambitious

Rio: I’ll take your hat

Buster: It isn’t going to fit over your hair

Rio: Rude!

Buster: Factually accurate

Rio: If I do a low ponytail it will

Buster: If you want it that badly, you can have it

Rio: I like it

Rio: I don’t think I’ve seen you dress this casually in years, you’re always here and dressed for the occasion 

Buster: I’m dressed for the occasion 

Rio: You didn’t wanna have to change into your shorts 

Buster: You’re distracted enough

Rio: Very funny, boy

Buster: I’m yet to crack a joke

Rio: I can handle it

Rio: your lack of a sense of humour and you in your shorts

Buster: Impressive

Rio: I know

Rio: years of practice

Buster: Unfortunately, the visual of the latter exists purely in your imagination

Rio: I’ve seen pictures

Buster: Okay, fine, in your imagination and in pictures

Rio: As you’ve rudely left them at home, yes

Buster: I made a conscious effort not to pack for your benefit

Rio: I suppose that’s right

Buster: It felt wrong, but I had to commit to something other than you

Rio: You did good

Rio: far be it from me to make it any harder for you

Buster: Far be it from you to take your turn being condescending 

Rio: Let me have it

Buster: When you’ve earned the right, perhaps

Rio: Touche

Buster: We aren’t fighting yet, remember

Rio: but we aren’t friends either, yeah

Buster: Not since I was dared to kiss you

Rio: Would you change it, if you could? 

Buster: I’d simply be delaying the inevitable, if we weren’t dared we would’ve kissed another way

Rio: We got given some plausible deniability at least

Buster: And you do love the phrase

Rio: You don’t love having it?

Buster: I don’t need to hide behind it, I take full responsibility for what I did, that day and every subsequent one 

Rio: In your head, there’s no responsibility as far as anyone else knows

Buster: As far as you’re concerned, I had my reasons, I’m not denying any of them

Rio: I know too, it’s between us

Buster: Until Nance discovers us as well

Buster: (yeah, that is my first joke, in case it wasn’t abundantly clear)

Rio: Let’s not even jokingly give her that kind of credit

Buster: Given there was no skill showcased on her part, she certainly isn’t due any, thus the ‘humour’

Rio: There was no need to flaunt us

Buster: You obviously thought differently or you wouldn’t have

Rio: Me and you, not that

Buster: There would need to be a me and you to flaunt

Rio: There was, briefly

Buster: Barely, in comparison

Rio: Wasn’t the plan but yeah

Rio: not a great track record

Buster: Don’t worry, none of what’s truly incriminating is on record

Rio: I’m not worried

Buster: No need to put on a brave face, it’s just a saying

Rio: I have mentioned before how not a big deal it would be in comparison but you didn’t care for it

Buster: Regardless of how often you care to make them, I don’t live my life to be compared to your predatory boyfriend

Rio: Stop calling him my boyfriend

Buster: His title is irrelevant

Rio: You’re talking like it’s present tense when none of it is

Buster: For all I know it is

Rio: Ha

Buster: That isn’t a joke either

Rio: There couldn’t be more people here, not to mention the whole family

Rio: but sure

Buster: He doesn’t require guest of honour status for you to still be fucking him behind my back

Rio: For fuck’s sake

Buster: I’ll be gone by [whenever baze are, both as an approx o clock for today and a day when they are fully leaving]

Rio: You don’t believe me, I can’t make you believe me with words when I lied the last time

Buster: What I believe doesn’t matter when said belief system is no longer centred around you and your actions

Rio: You’re chatting shit

Buster: Because?

Rio: If it doesn’t matter then leave me the fuck alone to fuck whoever I want, we’d not even be here

Buster: It doesn’t matter if you lie continuously, where we are, I’m not expecting the truth

Rio: There we go then

Buster: Yeah

Rio: I give up with you

Buster: You gave up, past tense

Rio: Have it your way

Buster: That’s the way it was and is

Rio: Whatever you say

Buster: No amount of words can undo it

Rio: You get over it or you don’t, that’s none of my business

Buster: Because like I said earlier, you don’t actually give a fuck how I feel

Rio: Caring makes no difference

Buster: Bullshit

Rio: No, it doesn’t

Rio: you are going to feel how you feel no matter what I do or say because of what I’ve done

Rio: so that’s it

Buster: That’s not it, you don’t get to stop caring

Rio: You do, you decentre and refocus, you absolute twat

Buster: No I don’t

Rio: Nah, ‘course not

Buster: I’m not a psychopath, for God’s sake

Buster: I wish I were, that I could turn everything inside of me off

Rio: Keep trying and it’ll become second nature

Buster: Stop

Rio: That’s what’s best for you now

Buster: Of course you think that, it’s becoming second nature for you to minimise every justified reservation I have about us

Rio: There is no us

Buster: There was and not a big deal in comparison is such a fucking useless thing to say

Rio: It’s irrelevant now, is what it is

Buster: It’s not

Buster: I can’t express vulnerability now because he’s oblivious to negative consequences

Rio: I know how much you care, we’ve talked about it from every angle

Buster: You’re contrasting us from every angle and his insanity always unfairly wins

Rio: Because that’s enjoyable, this isn’t, it’s as simple as that

Buster: Life isn’t enjoyable all the fucking time, welcome to the real world

Rio: It can be

Buster: If you refuse to grow up by the age of [however old Moses is]

Rio: It’s overrated

Buster: Being a manchild who leaves chaos in your wake isn’t something to be applauded and he’d be someone you mocked/pitied in a hypothetical where his appearance resembled that of [someone they both know from mcvickers’ pub that’s giving sad old man]

Rio: I don’t mock people

Buster: You’re deliberately missing the point

Buster: I hope he’s as fun in five years, ten, because in that hypothetical I guarantee the novelty will have worn off by your first milestone together

Rio: I don’t care, anyone is more fun than you

Buster: You want what I want

Buster: I know you care, Rio

Rio: Just leave me alone

Buster: No

Rio: I don’t have any fight in me 

Buster: Admit we’re alike and I won’t pick a fight, I promise

Rio: Why? You don’t need hope, false or otherwise

Buster: I need you to come back, in more than a literal sense once the parade has finished

Rio: How can I

Buster: I’m alone if you don’t

Rio: Don’t you want to be 

Buster: Never

Rio: You’re not alone

Buster: I fill practically every minute of my time up with something to create the illusion I’m not, but we both know the truth, at the end of the day

Buster: and no shit it’s no fun, it’s difficult

Rio: That’s where you’ve focused your energy

Rio: it’ll pay off much more in the long run than anything I have

Buster: In the short term, meanwhile, I’m concentrating so hard on thinking of anything but you my head aches

Rio: Have more drink

Rio: we’ll be back in a minute and you can be distracted again

Buster: Cheers then

Rio: Slainte

Buster: I can’t be distracted from missing you though

Rio: You can but it’s probably a comparable headache

Buster: I’d end up in A&E myself first, and I’d probably still be asking for you as soon as I could speak coherently

Rio: If I could hug you, I would

Rio: even if you pushed me away, it’d be okay

Buster: I wouldn’t, you’d fall over

Rio: I don’t mind, just wait at least 5 seconds first

Buster: I mind, and assuming my mum is still staring at me, she’d mind too

Rio: Suppose you should’ve left that behind with easter bonnets 

Buster: Don’t remind me I should’ve outgrown you

Rio: There’s time

Buster: There isn’t

Rio: In theory

Buster: Try me, I won’t

Rio: I could keep being horrible to you

Buster: In theory, in practice you’d struggle

Rio: You reckon?

Buster: You’re famously too nice

Rio: Good one

Buster: Not to mention hopelessly in love with me

Rio: Yeah, well, can’t mention it

Buster: I could, but I’ve not reached that level of killjoy quite yet

Rio: You’re not going to

Buster: Whichever of us is right, big deal or not, I wouldn’t enjoy myself

Rio: Even if you forgot to mention your role in things, everyone would just think it was sad

Buster: I don’t want to talk about it

Rio: We’ll run out of topics soon

Buster: We’ll have to resort to playing Twenty questions

Rio: Why not

Buster: You’ll accuse me of being boring again

Rio: You’re sad, not boring, it’s mutual

Buster: Pathetic, I remember

Rio: Stop it, you don’t believe any of it

Buster: Say it again, I’m bound to in time, that’s what you believe

Rio: I don’t want to

Buster: What do you want?

Rio: Don’t ask, I still don’t have a nice normal answer

Buster: Tell me

Rio: I still want you, more than ever

Buster: There will always be an us

Rio: For better or worse

Buster: For better or worse, you were wrong before

Buster: you’re what I want more than anything, America is at most a close second

Rio: You know you’ll always be what I want, if you hate me or if you try to completely forget, nothing can change that

Buster: Both proved impossible, nothing has changed that

Rio: I dream about you, like I can be with you in that way

Buster: Me too, daydreams, because I don’t sleep

Rio: I must be stealing yours, I sleep almost all day 

Rio: I miss you, talking to you

Buster: Take it, I’d rather you were asleep than the many alternatives I’ve pictured

Rio: But I don’t want to worry about you, more than I should

Buster: You don’t need to

Rio: I do, I care about you, I want to be better, for that to mean something again

Buster: No adult in China sleeps, I childishly focused on the wrong country

Rio: That’s too far

Buster: Languages except Legalese aren’t my forte

Rio: No, you can’t, you’d be completely alone then

Buster: You sound like my mum

Rio: She’s talking sense 

Buster: Everyone conveniently forgets I’m completely alone here

Rio: At least they speak the language

Rio: let me be your friend

Buster: Hardly, Irish is closer to English than the bullshit spoken in Chelsea

Buster: and I don’t want to be your friend

Rio: You can come here and I’ll go there, swap

Buster: I wouldn’t inflict Nance, full-time, on my worst enemy

Rio: then you’ll have to spend some time with me too, begrudgingly

Buster: I told you, you’ve got until [they leave, again as an o clock today and as a day]

Rio: You know I’m going to need to disappear later

Buster: I’ll give you my key, like I said

Buster: should you need to genuinely disappear after

Rio: Okay

Buster: And you know I’ll book you a flight, minimal questions asked

Rio: I’ve got money, that’s not a problem

Buster: Keep hold of it and you’ll have more, no problem

Buster: plus mum can’t stress I’ve got one with drugs when I don’t buy any

Rio: Do you ever buy them, your friends should

Buster: Sometimes, to differentiate myself from Nancy and her shameless freeloading, if only that

Rio: Fair, no fun in those comparisons either

Buster: Precisely

Rio: Still, your mum knows you better than that

Buster: Nevertheless, you still know me best

Rio: And you know that, whatever I say to you in self-defence and/or attack mode

Buster: If you weren’t a satisfying sparring partner, anything else you were would be inapplicable

Rio: I know what I am

Buster: Don’t forget

Rio: We’re forgetting the reach advantage you have, I presume

Buster: You have your own advantages, I just need to teach you to use them in this context

Rio: Bite your ankles, sure

Buster: The more identifying marks you leave, the better, and yes, your smile is incredibly unique 

Rio: Unique?

Buster: No-one else has the same one

Rio: Hmm, as long as it’s not the subtle diss it sounds like then

Buster: It’s an unsubtle compliment

Rio: I feel like I’m never going to see you smile again

Buster: Never is going to be a stretch, presumably 

Buster: you might fall over, after all

Rio: If I have to resort to pratfalls

Buster: My facial expressions aren’t your responsibility

Rio: No but I want to see it

Buster: You’ve seen pictures

Rio: That’s for everyone else

Buster: They’re for you as much as everyone else, more if anything

Rio: Even now?

Buster: Always

Rio: I’m never going to post again

Buster: I’ll believe that when I see it

Rio: I mean it

Rio: If I hadn’t then none of this would have happened

Buster: It would be happening and I’d have no idea, that isn’t preferable 

Rio: You should have never have known, no one should, then it would just be over and be my problem

Buster: I have to know, even if they’re problems I can’t solve for you

Rio: You honestly don’t wish you could go back to before you knew?

Buster: How am I supposed to help you when you haven’t told me what’s going on?

Rio: It isn’t your responsibility to help me

Buster: Yes it is

Rio: I don’t deserve your help

Buster: You aren’t deserving of being written off, not yet

Rio: I feel like I am

Buster: I don’t, and I’m rarely wrong

Rio: I’ll try to believe you

Buster: Good

Rio: I will be, from now on

Buster: Christmas is months away

Rio: Still, there’s a lot to make up for

Buster: Put me at the bottom of your list, you don’t owe me anything

Rio: Come on

Buster: I mean it

Rio: I can’t even begin to work out how much I owe you

Buster: There’s no need to do the maths, the answer is 0

Rio: Buster

Buster: It’s my fault this happened, I’m in your debt not the other way around

Rio: Don’t be ridiculous, I’m the one that did it, ruined everything

Buster: In response to what I did, I ruined everything

Rio: Can’t things just not be ruined, regardless

Rio: somehow

Buster: I don’t have a solution to offer you

Rio: I know

Rio: just hate it

Buster: The same obstacles exist, if we tried again

Rio: And then some, yeah

Rio: how I feel can’t change but I understand

Buster: They aren’t going anywhere, even when we do

Rio: I would love you even if you hated me

Buster: Everyone else would hate me

Rio: We can’t be together

Buster: Practically every career is a popularity contest, pariahs aren’t employable except by other outcasts

Rio: You have to think about your future

Buster: I can’t throw back in their faces everything my parents gave me, squander the opportunities like they didn’t come from sacrifice

Buster: love has a cost, I have to pay them back

Rio: I understand, I really mean it

Rio: that’s what you have to do

Buster: I really scared her, doing that again isn’t an option

Buster: I need to get my shit together

Rio: You can’t do that with me around

Buster: I can’t do it without you and that isn’t who I am

Rio: Maybe we can learn how to be there for each other, how we’re meant to

Buster: From who? My usual role models are out

Rio: We have other cousins

Rio: fake that you’re the same as any of them

Buster: I’ve had 14 years of practice and the facade is nowhere near perfected 

Rio: We can still love each other, families do

Buster: Ours is complicated

Rio: On both counts

Buster: But as long as I’m allowed to love you, okay

Rio: We want what’s best for each other, that’s what counts

Buster: Whatever it takes

Rio: I’ll support you, even when it’s hard

Buster: Likewise, I promise

Rio: You’re already proving yourself, this is the furthest from easy

Buster: It doesn’t count if, next time someone questions my self-control, I’m not allowed to highlight I didn’t murder your secret boyfriend

Rio: You can’t list it as an accomplishment, unfortunately 

Rio: or the other ways I’ve tested your self-control but you know and so do I

Buster: Without being uni entry worthy it’s no use to me

Rio: My apologies, like

Rio: I’m sure you can turn it into a more wholesome yet heroic cover story, use your imagination

Buster: My imagination is already being put to use

Rio: Can’t you multitask

Buster: We both know the answer to that

Rio: I might remember

Buster: You remember, you aren’t blackout

Rio: Alright, I remember

Buster: Remember your way home, I’m bored by myself

Rio: Do you want to speak to your sister

Rio: the nice one, she can borrow my phone

Buster: Don’t you want to talk to me?

Rio: Of course I want to talk to you

Rio: I always do

Buster: I’ve missed talking to you

Rio: There’s no reason we can’t talk from now on

Buster: By that logic I should strike up a conversation with my other cousins

Rio: No one would stop you

Rio: you’re still allowed to pick favourites

Buster: I’d stop myself, it’d be a terrible idea

Rio: We have the most in common

Buster: Janis would gladly volunteer to beat me up, but otherwise

Rio: You think you’ve got it rough, my other options are Ava, which is fine, or Nancy, which is less so

Buster: We can share Ava

Rio: Thanks, that’s sweet of you

Rio: I’m in Grace’s bad books after the easter egg hunt so

Buster: An embarrassing loss, I wouldn’t forgive you easily for it either, even on today of all days

Rio: You’re a heathen, that’s why

Rio: and she could’ve put a little more effort in herself, let’s be honest

Buster: If we’re being honest, it’s Grace, the ‘effort’ went on her outfit

Rio: She’s pleased she could convince Johnny she needed a whole new one for the occasion, she’ll live with the loss

Buster: She can’t multitask as well as me, that’s her actual devastating loss

Rio: She is only 9, she’s got time to learn

Buster: [shoutout something very impressive and extra you did when you were 9 cos you’re that bitch and also it’s like remember when]

Rio: Competing against children is not very mature of you, just so you know, golden boy

Buster: Firstly, there wasn’t competition, at all, from any of you

Buster: secondly, helping my little sister win is very mature

Rio: Uh-huh

Rio: it was definitely Ava that wanted that win, not you, nope

Buster: It wasn’t me with chocolate around my mouth, babe

Buster: you’d definitely have noticed

Rio: You’re in it for the glory, not the prize

Buster: Spending time with her before she’s too cool to still want me to is its own reward, I’ve picked my favourites, like you said

Rio: You’re very lucky it hasn’t happened yet

Buster: I know

Rio: I might get a few years before the new baby hates me

Buster: Kids love you, you’ll get a decade at least

Rio: Then what?

Buster: Then they’re a cunty teenager for a few more years before being your friend again

Rio: That’s parenting advice

Rio: do you think you and Nance will ever be friends again?

Buster: I told mum I’d try

Rio: If she fancies one of your friends enough, I’m sure she’ll be willing to put some effort in too

Buster: If I get some new ones, she claims my current friends are disgusting

Rio: I’d find out the truth but then she’d feel owed some information of her own

Rio: practically had to run away from her at this point

Buster: Hasn’t she managed her exit yet? She’s losing her touch

Rio: I know, right?

Rio: We’re too far out now, if she tries it she’s only going to find the neighbours farm

Buster: I dread to think where we’d find her, passed out in a pig pen or somewhere else suitably rural and apt

Rio: She came dressed for the lifestyle

Buster: [tell her how much Nance’s outfit cost which is hilariously hypocritical considering how expensive yours also is sir but we get it, you look better]

Rio: I believe it, she dresses well, if not how I would

Rio: I just want to be angry with her like it’s all her fault

Buster: No-one would stop you, especially not me

Rio: Doubt she’s any better of a fighter than me

Buster: She’d fight dirtier than you, but I’m about to teach you more valuable tricks than hair pulling and screaming

Rio: [letting everyone else come back to the point you’d be starting to think she has not but not leaving you hanging]

Rio: I’m just finding somewhere no one else is gonna be

Buster: I thought you changed your mind

Rio: No, I’m here

Rio: I just don’t want an audience 

Buster: I don’t want to be forced to teach Grace copycat moves, adjusting them to be appropriate for a 9-year-old rather defeats the object, unless you’re being attacked by a child

Rio: She’d cry, however gently you went about it

Rio: she doesn’t need to know and no one else needs to see me cry if I do

Buster: I’m not going to hurt you, you’re going to hurt me

Rio: That guarantees nothing

Rio: but you can come to [somewhere giving outskirts of the farm if not fully off the property where not even children should be roaming] whenever the coast is clear for you

Buster: [do come when it is, bringing either a scarecrow you’ve fully stolen from Alison or some kind of big af Easter prop, whichever is easier to steal without anyone noticing, because when you’re fighting for your life the way proper self-defence is intended, you do really have to hurt if not lowkey kill the person attacking you and so there are moves he’s gonna show her which she can’t do on him properly and also sometimes you need to demo something and he isn’t gonna ask someone in the fam, what an iconic mental image, this boy carrying whatever this is to wherever they are, lol, explaining all this when he’s rocked up as if it isn’t self-explanatory and she’s gonna be like um okay weirdo]

Rio: [smiling like yes I know but also under that truly gratefully because you do not trust yourself to 1. Say anything you ‘should’ or 2. Be alone with him and a silence so thank God this boy is mansplaining this to us because you don’t have to decide or worry about either option now, just try to look at him in a way that’s giving focused and not LOOK at him]

Buster: [soz for the mansplaining but also not soz for it in this moment because we all know he’s just over-explaining this for the same damn reasons, likewise unnecessarily emphasising his point of why they need said prop/scarecrow by doing an utterly savage move right from the off (because in his head and heart this is Moses duh and he is ANGRY) which ends (whatever it was) in using the well-known key as a weapon trick so he can then hand her his key to baze’s Dublin gaff like he said he would, having already separated it from his other keys while he was waiting for her and having been messing with it the entire time instead of the broken necklace he usually is]

Rio: [not you feeling bad for this inanimate object like oh no, you’re currently not angry (in that immediate sense) so good luck getting into the mindset so you can actually do any damage lol, you would’ve been ready in the kitchen honey alas you’re too shamelessly happy he’s talking to you right now, not to mention the way this is clearly that key or he would’ve passed you his whole set so now you’re just holding it like OH]

Buster: [feeling bad for an inanimate object is so me coded, I get you girl, I’m right there with you, it’ll help you here and now that he looks hot doing it, as he lowkey does all things at all times, not you taking off your hat and putting it on her head like booop because pay attention please and copy what I just did with said key, as if he isn’t also thrilled about giving her that key (despite it being the scene of the crime, thanks again mcvickers) and he didn’t linger over passing it to her for a full moment ™ ]

Rio: [help or hinder I say, so hot you’re hurting my feelings is only gonna take us so far, so far being us shoving this hat on said inanimate object’s head like you’ve got it over its eyes and that’s problem solved vis-a-vis blinding them lol, we can’t even talk about scenes of crimes because we all know what happened with Moses at this house very recently and it’s been making us SICK the whole day of course]

Buster: [me personally offended you brought it up because I’ve been trying not to think about the places in this house where they were feral, thank god we can at least say he hasn’t been back to do any more of it because lord that one visit was more than enough, we’ll instead focus on how adorable it is she did that and how he has to bite back a smile about it because not allowed to be amused when this is SERIOUS, hence taking hold of her wrist and making her do what he wants her to, albeit not as hard as he did or she should because the mood is too flirty whenever a wrist grab is involved]

Rio: [my boo says you shut your mouth and she’s so right for that, no one think about it no one talk about it, at least you’ve got this moment here and now to distract you as you sober up slightly from the drinking you’ve done to deal with it, hence doing the move again, harder, like okay, I’m trying, making eye contact for confirmation/praise lbr]

Buster: [we simply can’t discuss it, I refuse to, thank god this boy doesn’t know any details of that or he would have never set foot in this house ever again, the drama mick, speaking of that eye contact is a LOOK the likes of which they haven’t had in what would feel like forever, shamelessly giving the moment ™ such a retro vibe and thus making y’all feel like you’re in a before when the worst that happened was y’all doing LOOKS across family functions, and letting this stretch out for what would feel like forever before he’s using the wrist grab that he has likewise maintained this entire time to pull her arm up behind her back (not hard because he meant what he said about not hurting her, just giving !! not ow) and then showing/telling her how to get out of it, idk about that but I know damn well it’s still got flirty vibes whatever it is]

Rio: [you ain’t even got to know about that, thank the lord, because this girl can’t help but maintain the LOOK too even though she should not, it cannot be helped when it feels so familiar yet like it’s from a thousand years ago, hence this arm lock catching you SO by surprise that the !! of your gasp is dramatic despite the fact it doesn’t hurt, biting your own lip to stop it progressing into further !! noise here and attempt to break this hold even though you don’t truly feel all that inclined you gotta]

Buster: [we all see this boy using the element of surprise not only because an attacker would but also because he wanted that exact reaction to occur, y’all are flirting, as you should and he would equally never want the hold to be broken but at least when it is you can pick her up even more (once again we gotta forget hardcore when Moses entered the gaff and did exactly that in his own kidnap style move because bitch this isn’t about you) live your best lives just fighting, it’s deserved]

Rio: [mhmm, like it’s gotta be done but also it’s gotta be done for entirely different reasons, we know it, how else are y’all going to address any of this tension baby]

Buster: [mhmm this is the most y’all have ever touched except for when we let you makeout and dryhump on his bed pre-cockblock so you’re welcome for the reminders of that which being this up and close and personal again would give you, especially when you were up against his bedroom door for that minute, hence he will be hot and bothered about it and that jumper will be coming OFF sis (you can use that as a weapon creatively too because the point of self-defensive is using anything you have, so picture him literally tying this girl up, SHAMELESS) shoutout to his t-shirt which is literally statue hands, I knew what I was doing, it makes me lol that the inanimate object is just watching y’all because you do love an audience and we’re blatantly not getting it involved rn when we keep being this extra ourselves]

Rio: [and we so barely let y’all do that we were evil but it was iconic and you remember literally every second of it VIVIDLY so you’re going so red like you’re having the workout of your life right now when you’ve only just started and predictably you aren’t fighting back as hard as you could because you don’t want to, it’s so blatant that that’s why, especially when he’s tied you up because you could do more about that and yet here we are]

[throne-for-queens]

Nobody is saying not keeping tabs is equal to hating. It’s the mocking and the unnecessary judgement that some of you feel ‘entitled to’ just bc you call yourselves his/her fans and want to exercise some kind of ownership . Yes I am addressing both sides of the aisle. Also, no it’s not me saying, it was Colson that said as intuitive individuals they literally feel the hate coming from millions of people.

Please don’t give me the ‘they are public figures and that’s why they should be open to criticism’ cliched argument. The fact that some of you have so much hate for either of them separately or as a couple, even while you don’t have an inkling of any of their struggles or inner dynamics reflects the kind of moral values you hold dear . The fact that some of you resort to skewed narratives of isolated incidents in their lives to justify bullying and hate is really concerning. For example maybe just listen to what Colson had to say about himself before giving scathing opinions of their relationship: ‘If someone is with me for 48 hours they will see the gnarliest of mood swings of their life’. Again before someone comes at me this is paraphrasing of his statement but the gist is accurate. Or take the example of Megan who has said she suffers from deep childhood trauma from the abusive upbringing.

And here we are lecturing about how we think they are not a healthy couple or whats toxic or non-toxic behaviour in our opinion as if they are oblivious about their struggles. It’s so easy to give up on the other person especially when the whole world is cheering for it and yet they fight against all odds for love.

Please consider this that at the end of the day they are real flawed people with real feelings and not some archetype of supervillain characters for you to project your insecurities. Maybe reflect back and ask yourselves if the constant judgement & bullying is really worth it and if death of someone’s relationship is what your folded hands truly seek as a prayer.

The fact that some of you literally bullied her into a mental breakdown and shun public life and still thirst for more blood is both sad and tragic !!!

Here's the thing: I'm not going to act like I don't gossip and talk nonsense on my page, because I do, and I've never presented otherwise. I try to be fair in my judgments and take what little is out there because that's what they are presenting to the public and their fans. I don't have a mole crawling around their home giving me the inside scoop of what's going on in the home, so taking what they say and do at face value is expected for me, just like it is for a lot of others. I give grace when I feel like it's required. They are humans; they make mistakes, but no mistake is without consequence. And since my blog is filled with opinions, people will share their thoughts about what they do as a couple and as individuals.

I think Megan and Colson had too much dip on their chip to think that they were going to be the pioneers for "reintroducing" love back into the world. Their goal in the beginning made absolutely no sense, because what qualifications did they have for their relationship? They were together for barely two seconds with a relationship founded on lying to other people. Matching outfits, ayahuasca retreats, and star signs were hardly innovative. In fact, I remember them getting compared to Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton for their blood thing.

They were weird and overly provocative in the beginning, so I'm not the least bit surprised that people got annoyed with them. I could go deeper into this, but their decision to pull away had very little to do with the public, in my opinion, and more to do with the fact that they didn't want to keep repeatedly showcasing their problems on a global scale. But you can feel free to disagree with me on that.

Now I don't know a thing about this supposed mental breakdown (or perhaps it's slipped my memory) because outside of this relationship I don't really check for Megan, so I'm sure someone will educate me on that, so there is nothing I can say in regards to that situation.

[cainmayadunne-mga2024mi4017]

ELABORATING ON INDIVIDUAL RESEARCH

ELABORATING ON INDIVIDUAL RESEARCH

While I unfortunately hadn't been keeping my blog updated when I really should have, this is a quick breakdown of some, if not most of my research for this project.

Starting out with what made it into the final cut of the video:

THE BALLAD OF MULAN

(^Slide from Stage 01 presentation)

This is the full script excerpt from my segment on The Ballad of Mulan and Mulan: Rise of a Warrior, which was later trimmed out of the final script due to time constraints.:

The inspiration behind both the 1998 and 2020 adaptations of Mulan is a poem from the Northern Wei era called The Ballad of Mulan. The ballad follows the legend of the folk hero Hua Mulan, a young girl who disguises herself as a man to join the army in her father's place. The ballad follows five main story beats, each of which is represented in both Disney adaptations of the story: Mulan's departure from her family home, her conscription, the culminating war, an offer of power and prosperity offered to her by the emperor, and finally, Mulan's humble return to her family. The ballad ends with the implication that men and women, while different on the surface, are equally capable when it comes down to it, a message that is notable for having a more feminist perspective in a time period that placed so much emphasis on traditional patriarchal values, and therefore acts as the central theme of both of Disney's Mulan adaptations. Interestingly, there was a Chinese film released in 2009, titled Mulan: Rise of a Warrior, which seemed to tone town this more feminist aspect, instead building the story around more communist values of laying aside personal happiness for the good of society, with Mulan putting her responsibilities as a soldier ahead of pursuing romance. This film, which was released in response to the popularity of Disney's 1998 Mulan musical, was also said to be one of the main inspirations for Disney's live action Mulan from 2020.

I thought it was interesting that both Disney adaptations as well as Rise of a Warrior all dutifully followed the five point storyline of the Ballad, but each represented them so differently.

WORLDBUILDING

Worldbuilding was researched on by both myself and Hemansha, and our research was further fine-tuned and narrowed down with feedback from module lecturer Irushi in a session devoted to worldbuilding (see below). We were particularly interested in the magic system and certain characters as vessels for worldbuilding, so it's something that was always in our script, though a lot of the smaller, more disconnected morsels of information had to be discarded in the final cut.

INTERCULTURAL TRANSMISSION

I stumbled upon this concept while I was trying to figure out a way to articulate why Mulan's representation fell short, despite seeming to have done a lot of cultural research (at least from the outside looking in). Implying that Disney was using Chinese culture as a narrative tool and nothing else felt reductionist, as interviews with the director, as well as the PR for both films seemed to show a great deal of appreciation for it, regardless of how the films themselves were received among audiences.

It was in the paper Chinese Elements in Film Mulan (2020) and Its Intercultural Transmission by Tingting Qian and Lijun Tang that I first heard of Stuart Hall's theory of encoding and decoding (the gist of which is that a message communicated by one person isn't necessarily going to be interpreted by someone else in exactly the way that it was intended), which to me explained so much of the disconnnect between Disney's non-Western filmmaking and the backlash it recieved.

(^Slide from Stage 01)

[jasminebutintaiwansojiemin]

July 17th, 2024 星期二 - Leaning about Taiwanese Indigenous peoples, Fulbright center, bar-crawl

Woke up at a decent time for once and went to eat brekky around 9am. After eating for a bit and FaceTiming my boyfriend, I met with the rest of my group and we headed to the Fulbright center in Ximen. After the long walk to get there, we were greeted with a poster welcoming UF at the door of the building. We headed up the steep stairs to a classroom style activity room where we were met with several of the Fulbright staff.

We listened to several interesting lectures about the program and its impact before taking a small break to taste different Taiwanese drinks. Surprisingly, the asparagus juice was not that bad. It definitely smelled like asparagus but it tasted like something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Aside from that, I also tried a mint tea drink that I hated and a Taiwanese root beer that I did in fact like quite a bit. It tasted almost like candy.

After the break, we went back to the presentations where we played a game to win prizes of Taiwanese snacks. I won the second level so I got oyster flavored chips that I have yet to try. At the end of the presentations, we watched a video celebrating the twenty years of the program in Yilan, before being treated with bento-style lunch boxes. I actually really like the seasoning on the chicken and the rice was definitely interesting.

After we finished at the Fulbright center, we headed to the museum of Taiwanese Aboriginal peoples. The bus ride to the museum was……memorable, to say the least. It was most definitely about 95 degrees because the AC was broken. For my first ride in a Taiwanese bus, it did not leave a good impression as I was melting into my seat. Eventually we did get to our drop off stop and it was quite literally cooler outside than inside the bus….. Besides that, it was honestly very cool to see all the different artifacts and cultural objects, as my father is also Indigenous.

After exploring the four floors of beautiful treasures, we headed to the in-house movie theater to watch a film. Now if you ask me what it was about…….couldn’t tell you. It was completely in Mandarin with Mandarin subtitles but I did get the gist of what was going on (I think but please don’t ask me because I still couldn’t tell you). After the museum, we rode another colder bus back to Shilin metro station, where our tour guide bought us all boba :) He showed us how complicated it is to order boba here haha. We hung out there for a while drinking our tea and taking photos before heading back on the MRT to the hotel.

As soon as I got to the hotel, I gathered my laundry to attempt to wash it for the second time. We eventually found the laundromat and had to Google translate some stuff to figure out how to use the machines. After a bit we figured it out and started washing out clothes. Then while it washed we went and got pasta from a nearby Japanese pasta spot. It was actually pretty good (I got a shrimp pasta thingy). I went to go switch over the clothes while my classmate stayed to get the food. It took me a little while to figure out how to change the $100 into $10 coins, but when I did, I successfully put the clothes to dry. I did then realize, however, that we cannot eat in the laundromat, so we opted to sit on the corner outside.

After we finished laundry, we rushed back to the hotel to speed-get ready for a bar-crawl with our other classmates. The bar-crawl itself was very very very mid, but the last stop was a club that was surprisingly jumping for a Wednesday night. Unfortunately, the club did get raided halfway through, so we kinda awkwardly stood around for about 20-30 minutes. HOWEVER, afterwards the club was even MORE jumping than before. We ended up going home around 3am where I successfully took out my contacts and knocked out face first in my bed.

Academic Reflection

As previously mentioned, I have studied quite a bit on Taiwan, so I did already know some about the indigenous Taiwanese people. Off the top of my head, I can say that 1) Travel writers from Mainland China (I think around the time of the Ming dynasty) visited the island and wrote some not so good things about it. They complained a lot about the weather and high mosquito population (that often carried a lot of illness that mainlanders were not biologically accustomed to), and had some very nasty things to say about the so-called “barbarian” “uncivilized” “savages” they encountered. Something specific that seemed to really bother travel writers who visited Taiwan was the freedoms women enjoyed and behaviors they participated in that were almost opposite of Confucian bound women in Mainland China. Later, when many transients from the Southeastern Chinese provinces moved to the island, the island was broken up into three zones of “savageness” levels. At the more coastal and developed areas, the natives were deemed somewhat acceptable and rather civilized compared to those in other areas. These peoples usually lived in close proximity to the Chinese and traded with them often. In the next zone were those labelled with a medium level of “savageness”, therefore although they had room to grow (and by grow I mean become more “civilized” and “virtuous” in the traditional Confucian sense) contact was limited. The very last zone was usually that of the higher mountains, where native populations were very hostile to the Chinese and were thus painted to be the most “savage”.

*Whew* that was a lot for a quick brain dump.

Today’s readings talked about the discriminations faced by Taiwanese indigenous groups and policies that restrict or support them. Related to what I mentioned earlier about the three levels of “savageness”, the text talked about Cooked Barbarians vs. Plaines Indigenes, and how the former was thought to have the potential to become civilized Chinese citizens while the latter was not. The reading also mentions how per Chinese historically proven fashion, ethnic minorities are incorporated into Chinese civilization via strict assimilation. This was also the case in Taiwan. At the museum, our tour guide mentioned that until rather recently, one couldn’t interact with the public sphere (get an ID card, etc.) without having a Chinese name. For people who are not ethnically Chinese, this meant that people would give their kids Chinese names over names from their mother tongues. Our tour guide also mentioned that even though the ban on non-Chinese names has been long lifted, only few Indigenous peoples have returned to using non-Chinese names.

[blackcatxmagic]

Yes, Tsubame and Brook were definitely a lot alike, much more alike than Brook had thought initially. They could understand each other on a level that Brook hadn't had with most other people in this town. "I get it," he told Tsu. "Everything I had was back in Massachusetts. My family - for all their faults - are back there and don't understand why I left a promising job as a surgeon at one of the best hospitals in the country to come here to work as a general practitioner. Nearly all of my friends were work friends only it seems because not one of them has checked in since I came here. And the only person who ever really saw me, he...well he's there too." At least Cole had checked in, but that honestly made Brook miss him even more. These were private thoughts though, one Brook didn't think sharing during an appointment with a patient would be appropriate. He smiled at Tsu's analogy, nodding. "Yeah," Brook agreed, "I'm not either. I sort of feel like I couldn't get the tent up at all, and now I'm stuck out in the rain."

It was clear that Tsu's dad was a piece of work, and Brook frowned; he hated when parents treated their kids this way. "My parents were the same way. I didn't necessarily have to become a doctor, but if I had chosen to do anything that wasn't to their standards, they would not have been able to comprehend my thought process at all...kind of like when I came here." But was that really true? Was it can't, or was it won't? Honestly Brook didn't know. "I wish I knew what to tell you to make it easier," he told Tsu. "But all I can say is...well, fuck 'em. We're going to do what we want to do whether they like it or not. I think maybe that's the best way to deal with it. If they get mad or if they eventually accept it, that's on them. But at least we'll be doing what we want." Of course it wasn't quite so simple - what Brook wanted was to be back in Salem - but that was the gist of it.

What Tsu was saying didn't surprise Brook at all. A lot of patients didn't want to seek therapy for whatever reason, whether it be time constraints, feeling like they didn't need it, embarrassment, or whatever the case may be. "You know, I could try and convince you, but I'd be a hypocrite," Brook replied, perhaps a little too honest in this moment. "I should probably get therapy too, but I don't. I guess we're even more alike now." Really this wasn't the way he should be handling this, but it felt like the most authentic way; Brook didn't think Tsubame would respond to lectures. And he didn't fault Tsu for having certain stipulations for medication. "I get it," Brook told her. "You don't want anything that makes you a zombie because then what's the point of even existing?" Even actual zombies had a purpose (that purpose being brains). "I'm going to write you a prescription for Ativan," Brook told Tsubame, taking his prescription pad out of the pocket of his white coat. He scribbled down the script and signed it, handing the page to Tsu. "It's the lowest dose, and this is an as-needed medication. If you respond well but think you might need a higher dose or might need to take it more often, we can discuss that then." After handing Tsu the page, Brook looked at her and felt like he needed to say more. "I really should be pushing therapy a little more. Maybe I'll actually go now," he said. How could he push for that when he himself was resisting?

Tsubame liked hearing Brook talk to her about his life, it made her feel less ill when the doctor she sought after was talking about his aimlessness. It made her feel a lot less alone in her troubles. "I know what you mean. If I didn't still have my job I wouldn't really have anything, Jesus that sounds a lot more sadder than what I intended." She laughed at herself, contrasting the depressing words that she obviously didn't mean at face value. "I mean everything would be so different I wouldn't even know where to start placing down pegs, if that makes sense. You've got a whole new tent with this town but missing all the old things that made you want to stay in it, like friends or your old job. I'm not much of a camper." Or a therapist, she thought. She hoped he didn't mind her rambling so much, she was meant to be the patient after all.

Tsu couldn't help but audibly groan when she thought about her dad, "Their way is the right way isn't even how they view it, it's like their way is the only way. It's just completely insane to think any other way." It obvious she has thought about this a lot. As Brook talked about Tsu's job, she got a lot more passionate with her words, "The only way my father will get me out of this job is from the cold, dead hands." She scoffed, it's obvious it's something that she has had to talk about frequently. "Oh I've tried talking to him about it, I've been trying for about 28 years now. He has never wanted me to join his career, anything else would have been better for him. The worst part is it isn't even a sexism thing, if he just said 'this job isn't for women' it'd feel so much better to go to work every day out of spite, but no. He is tragically a very open minded person, except for me." Her tirade eventually died down a bit. She has ranted about this countless times, and she is just as fervent talking about it now to Brook.

Tsu shook her head when Brook asked if she had considered talking to anyone, "I don't have enough free time to go to therapy or whatever." She probably could if she put in the effort to make a better schedule, but she has the underlying thought that plagues so many people that therapy just isn't for her. She isn't against it, or the people who seek it out, in the slighest, but she isn't going to seek it out for herself. Even if it would realistically help a lot. "I'm not opposed to taking medication, but I don't want anything I have to take super often and will make me all drowsy or whatever. Something that I could take when I'm feeling particularly anxious or having trouble going to sleep would be nice though." She felt a little awkward about being so particular, but she didn't want any kind of medication to affect her or make her a zombie. She also dosen't know a lot about medication, probably coincides with her ignorance of her general health.