#Anyway I love that horror and love are all too similar in this series <3 <3<3

[torchstelechos]

You know I think it's kind of funny how much LBH and SQQ mirror each other, like do you guys think about how to everyone around them in canon LBH knows everything about SQQ down to a single birthmark but SQQ doesn't seem to know anything about LBH? Despite everything they've gone through, SQQ seems to be playing catch up in their own relationship while LBH was already getting their wedding ready? But for us, the viewers, we know that SQQ knows everything about who LBH was suppose to be while LBH knows nothing about SQQ's own past and what he was suppose to be? SQQ knows everything that doesn't involve himself, while LBH knows everything that does involves himself. It's so funny to me how that must look to outsiders versus themselves <3

[adventures-in-mangaland]

I'm going with 10 All Time Classics from the Captain America (MCU) fandom. I mean, they're all classics to me, at least. In no particular order:

1. This, You Protect by owlet

First installment in the Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail series, which are all amazing. It's a “Bucky escaping Hydra and rebuilding his sense of self” fic, which he does while spying on Steve. With eventual Avengers Family and a lovely cast of OCs bonding with Bucky in the meantime. It has a very distinctive perspective and writing style; Bucky's in constant internal (and sometimes accidentally external) dialogue with himself, making it hilarious and tragic all at the same time. I love it. I've recently been getting into The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells and this Bucky has a similar sassy-but-vulnerable vibe? Read this if you like that, anyway.

2. The One Who Knows by Dira Sudis (dsudis)

This is a Political Animals AU, in that no-powers Steve is inserted into the Political Animals world and Bucky is TJ. Discusses being outed and depression but is ultimately hopeful. The author is one of my all time faves and has written lots of great stories for this and many other fandoms.

3. Blue Scales by chaya

Steve is a merman AU. He's still Captain America, though. It's crack with heart, I love it.

Best line: "May your scales and your love story be our weird secret forever.”

4. Our Lingering Frost by eyres

AU where Bucky is rescued from Hydra in the 50s (?) and so is around for Steve to be found.

5. Assets Out of Containment by follow_the_sun

It's a classic to *me*, OK? Bucky goes undercover at Jurassic World just as that movie's plot kicks off. They're Hydra dinosaurs! It's just great. Also has a podfic and crossovers with Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

6. Not Easily Conquered (series) by dropdeaddream and WhatAreFears

Some of the greatest fanfiction I've ever read, the whole series is epic. Anyway, it's a "Steve doesn't go into the ice" AU with added queer angst when (never sent) love letters from Bucky resurface. I particularly like the second installment in the series The Thirteen Letters, which are just Bucky's letters and are insanely well-written.

7. to memory now I can't recall by Etharei

Time travel AU! Featuring post-CATWS Bucky accidentally switching places with CATFA era Bucky.

8. If Wishing Made It So by Leveragehunters (Monkeygreen)

Genie!Bucky AU! This author is great at writing AUs with fantasy/genre elements, it was hard to choose. They've also written an excellent werewolf!Steve AU and a horse!Steve AU that I really love.

9. Into That Good Night by Nonymos

An Interstellar AU! Very angsty and tragic but with an eventual happy ending.

10. Goodbye Piccadilly, Farewell Leicester Square by Speranza

Speranza must be one of the best writers in the fandom, so it was hard to pick just one of their fics. Other strong contenders were All the Angels and the Saints and The Fifties, so check those out too! But this one has a special place in my heart. Steve, Tony and Natasha accidentally time travel to WW2 London, leading to an accidental run-in with CATFA-era Bucky. The author does tragic and romantic time travel tropes so well, but with a happy ending.

I now realise that most of these are AUs, so here’s a bonus rec for a non-AU in-universe story that’s severely underrated and deserves more love:

+1

Heart, Have No Pity on this House of Bone by Sena

This story follows Bucky in-action in the Pacific Theatre. It’s very well written and, from what I can tell, well researched. Steve only appears in Bucky’s imagination and the story focuses on the horrors of war rather than romance, but it’s gripping! And it explores unrequited love, being closeted and period-typical homophobia, which I also enjoyed. I’m still holding out hope for a sequel.

[kates-dump]

My experience with Analog Horror/ARGs and why you should check them out

Marble Hornets: the classic, and a big favorite of mine for obvious reasons. I cannot stress enough how good and spooky that series is, and the ToTheArk videos gave me nightmares, love it! <3

If you're into Slenderman stories, you should definitely check it out. The acting is very well done and the story is awesome overall :)

The Sun Vanished: the ARG that started my interest for ARGs, and especially enigmas/internet puzzles. Unfortunately I was not smart enough to figure the stuff out by myself, so I just watched explanations on it. Highly recommended if you like post-apocalyptic settings and subtle horror.

The Mandela Catalogue: possibly the series that brought back my interest for these things. I have only watched the first two seasons of it, as I sadly lost interest after a while, but from what I have watched, I would recommend it to those of you who like horror with religious themes (which is a big thing for me) and most importantly, trust issues. Do keep in mind this series deals with more serious and dark topics, though you have probably heard it already.

Local58: the analog horror of all analog horrors, Local58 barged in before TMC took the spotlight. There is so much going on and all of it is very interesting and scary. America's pride leads to its doom, the moon can control electronic devices, and weird creatures spread through the world. If you like stories that leave you not understanding what the hell just happened but loving it anyway, you will love Local58.

Rocket Archives: A single-video series that has unfortunately been taken down for reasons I am not certain of. But if you're curious what it was about, the video presented a reality where us humans were forced to leave Earth with how hot it was getting, and moved to contained bubbles in space. Suddenly, uh oh! The sun's getting closer! Outer Wilds moment! Everything is melting! Humans are gone and the sun is... alive???

Analog Archives: made by the creator of Rocket Archives, has also been taken down but can still be found re-uploaded. The series is slightly similar to Local58, as in it also focuses on broadcast hijacking used for ending off humans. The series also includes a few religious topics that can get very dark. I love it. "Nature Show" makes me tear up with fear every time.

Gemini Home Entertainment: ALL-TIME FAVORITE MOMENT!!! I don't think I need to explain why I love this one so much. GHE leaves a lot to your imagination/speculation, while also twisting your head directly into the direction of the threat and forcing you to look at it while you squirm in fear. GHE is subtle in the most obvious way, obvious in the most subtle way, and most importantly, IT'S COSMIC HORROR, BABY!!! THERE IS A PLANET IN OUR SOLAR SYSTEM THAT GOT HERE UNINVITED AND NOW IT WANTS TO EAT US!!! UGHHHH I can't put in words why I think it's so good, it just is. Watch it. The Gardeners are cute, I swear. There's even a plush of them.

Monument Mythos: something something alternate realities, something something time loops. I have not watched all of it, barely even half, but I deemed it a little bit too confusing for my brain. BUT! If you're into things that boogle your mind, you might really like this series! I mean, world monuments are alive, what could be scarier?

Vita Carnis: EW. (affectionate)

But, seriously, if you like gross, you are certainly going to like this series. It's meat, and it's alive. Although, I did stop watching it because it got a tad too graphic and violent for my taste, but if that doesn't bother you, then I recommend it a lot! The editing is soooo good, and some of the creatures are very likable and cute ^v^ (the others are gross and I do not want them near me I do not WANT FUCK OFF)

Don't Look at the Moon: Minecraft spooky. Do I need to say more?

[boozles]

QL Grievances 2024 Part Two: The Bad Stuff

So, I posted the Good Stuff that I liked earlier, now it's time for tthe Bad Stuff. However, I would like to preface this by saying that these are just my opinions, okay? If you see me disliking something that you loved, it isn't an attack on you - we're all pals here <3

The Most Ableist Ending Ever: Last Twilight

This was such a fantastic series and really made me enjoy JimmySea...but then they just went and ruined all the growth and progression by returning Day's sight. I totally get it was meant to be a happy ending etc. but it was so unrealistic and rather classist as well as ableist. It was such a disappointment, and every time I see the show win an award I can't help but feel like it doesn't completely deserve it.

Biggest Let Down Of An Ending: The Sign

I was OBSESSED with this show as it was airing. I loved it so much, but then the last episode just phoned it in. After a lifetime of stalking Tharn, the Doc just let's him go a year later? There was also not nearly enough scenes with the Nagas. I am thankful that this series brought us BillyBabe, and it was a fantastic show up until the finale.

Worst (Fake) Tattoos In A Seres: Kant, The Heart Killers

You have absolutely no idea how much I hate these tattoos. Okay, I'm not a tattoo experct, but I have been getting tattoos for 20+ years now and I have a pretty decent collection on my body. Kant's tattoos are startingly fake, and putting him in scenes with actors who actually have tattoos makes them look worse. You can see the shine of the transfer, you can see it rubbing off in places, and you can even see the sticky edges. IT'S HORRIBLE. It makes me so sad because First looks amazing in the series but I keep wishing he was in long sleeves because every time I look at those tattoos I get irrationally angry. Like, why are they so bad? Look at Win from Between Us - his tattoos look great! And even Joke from Jack and Joker's look pretty decent (albeit a little I Got These From A Lucky Bag). AND THEN THERE'S THE DESIGNS THEY'VE PICKED. Like, the blocked lines that don't wrap around the limb - WHY? And they all look so similar? Like, was there a sale on transfer packs? The only one that looks half decent is the one on his back. I'm sorry, but I just. I just HATE them so much. So. Fucking. Much.

Worst Change To An Existing Character: Pai, Cherry Magic

Don't get me wrong, I love Pai and her fangirling ways, but I really wish they had kept her asexual. Or, at the very least, single; like, the point of her character (to me, anyway) always felt like it was her discovering she's fine on her own, she's a strong, independant woman. It would also have been good to just see someone enjoying their life and not needing romance. (Which, I guess she kinda had a little of, since it was Rock that pursued her and she was a bit nonchalant for most of it.)

Worst Acting In A Series: Dead Friend Forever

I had to quit the series half way through because the acting was just so bad. Okay, Ta, Barcode and Copper were fantastic, but everyone else was awful. The writing was pretty awful, too. Like, the premise was promising, and it would have made a great horror movie, but the series was too long and too bad. (I will say, however, Fuaiz and JJay really showed up for 4 Minutes and did so much better in that.)

Worst Adaption Of An Already Existing Series: Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan

Another series I had to drop because I was just not vibing. I'm supportive of the series existing but it was just not for me. The casting all feels wrong (other than Arashi, who was great), and having the story so condensed down felt wasted. Fuma and Kai just felt super weird and did not fit the characters, I don't think? LITA (Thai) wasn't perfect at all, but it most definitely is the superior series.

Worst Acceptance Of A Character's Bad Actions: Perfect 10 Liners

So, I am obsessed with this show but I am still pretty mad how everyone just kinda accepted that Arc was a racerboy and endangered lives? Like, the way it was all, "you hurt Arm, do you care now?" and like, it only took hurting someone in their group for Arc to stop speeding? That rubbed me the wrong way. Like, I know his friends kinda called him out, but they were also the ones who were like OH CAN YOU GIVE ARM A RIDE HOME (in the first episode) even though they knew what Arc was like.

And that's all from me for now! I actually feel like I complain too much, and again, all of this is just my thoughts and whinings; no hate to shows/characters/actors/creators!

[beadyeyes]

Alien Romulus review so spoilers because I'm so so disappointed after being told by every one how good it was and how great the effects were (you all lied to me) so so so long so so so so I don't know if it's worth reading

👍 Loved that they kept up the tradition of killing the people who smoke on screen first

👍 Technology design choices were so fun and did what Prometheus failed to do as a PREQUEL. Also failed to do what the movie itself should've done as a SEQUEL and kept notably similar design choices BUT STILL ADVANCE THE TECHNOLOGY?

👎 They made a group of people so unlikable or undeveloped that I didn't care if they lived or died.

👎 The cousins blatant bigotry against Andy came off mostly as racist AND ableist with no good reason whatsoever. Especially since it clearly wasn't justified by his mother's death because the synthetic in question that "caused her death" was justified in saving more lives over the few. His choice to leave his own family behind despite being so torn up about his mom too? And finally his weird breathing and hovering scene with the pregnant sister right after his girlfriend died was lowkey creepy and I hope it wasn't trying to imply he was the one who got her pregnant? Bottom line he deserved it and his death was the only entertaining one. Was that supposed to be on purpose?

👎 The boyfriend was a bland unlikeable character who failed to even be good enough for meat fodder + deserved to die for wasting screen time AND for letting his cousin be a racist dick to Andy despite them needing the for the whole fucking trip to happen. Worthless character.

👎 First facehugger impregnation being a woman. What a spit in the face.

👎 The fact that it was also a woman I didn't even know the name of! But had 1 more second of development than the rest and seemed like she could've been a cool character if the screen time wasn't logged by unlikeable men. Her alien birth scene was so tone deaf to the original horror of the series idk. I get not wanting to repeat the same thing but the worthless guys survived those facehuggers too easily for her to be the gratuitous birth fodder.

👎 Pregnant sister. I don't know how that could've been done differently but yea. Her boob slime was so. 🙄

👎 Her alien wannabe engineer baby thing sucked. It was so corny I laughed outloud I don't know how it could've been done better but making the aliens more humanoid but not in an uncanny way, like a weird trying too hard to be scary way, felt like a disservice to the viewers intelligence? The fact that it was a full sized thing in like 3 seconds too? No offense but wouldn't it be scarier to fight something small and newborn baby like instead of Grown Ass White Man #72

👎 Rooks facetracking shit was so gagworthy and bringing him back wasn't the tribute to the og movie like they wanted it to be. Remember how the big bang theory would make references by just naming randome nerd shit in succession? That's what he was. Just because you have a character come back doesn't mean it fits the theme of the movie you're developing.

👎 Rook's non-ambiguous characterization as evil. Just lame and defeats the complexity of the original character as well as how the synthetics have been developed.

👎 Her name is Rain and that's my name she wishes she was me so bad.

Rain was just so? Such an underdeveloped character who kicked ass and I appreciated her like? Waiting till Andy had seizure to help him out? I don't know. She just had no backstory or substance and Andy's whole character being there to protect her was fucking lame. Seeing her change that at the last bit was like yay development but then Andy gets killed so then it was just whatever.

Andy's character again, being there to protect Rain and not develop on his own. His disabilities being "cured" for most of the movie. Why the accent? Anyways I'm glad he was there because he was the shining star of the whole thing and even that felt a bit too on the nose as if they knew every one else was worthless.

The movie had a few jumpscares and the gore was nothing compared to ANY of the previous movies. Ultimately I felt nothing for the entire hour and half except for when the cousin got slimed, which I laughed. The mix of CGI was strange. 1 out of 10 as fuck! Do you think they're gonna make a sequel?

[dayscapism]

So JK Rowling is shit, read this instead of Harry Potter - part 1/3:

Part 2 - Middle grade/children's books

Part 3 - Young Adult (YA)

This is a list of fantasy books (and some sci-fi) for people who no longer want to support a transphobe & bigot but are still having a hard time finding something that fills the void of Harry Potter. This is a LONG list, with adult, middle grade, and YA recs, divided into 3 parts, one for each age range. Most of these books are far better than HP anyway.

You can still enjoy your merch, books or movies you already own, no one is telling you you can't like or love Harry Potter and the Wizarding World, but please consider diversifying your media so you don't wrongly assume this franchise is the best fantasy ever and nothing can top it when that is simply not true.

As a guide, these are the things I associate with Harry Potter: wizards & witches, magic school, horror elements, mythical/magical creatures, mystery, nostalgia, magical trinkets & artefacts, themes of friendship, family & love and discussions of death/death imagery. Dark forest, ghosts, gloomy aesthetic, medieval castles, cosy reading rooms, libraries, very British, Christmas & Halloween, dark forests, a relatively modern world combined with magic/alternate world, astronomy/astrology, divination. Also tropes like magic politics & bureaucracy, prophecies, the chosen + dead parents, coming of age, discussions on discrimination and outcasts (sort of), good triumphing over evil, overcoming childhood trauma, school-bullying, and also the protagonist is sort of a celebrity for reasons they can't control which others them from society.

These recommendations are based on that, but of course, each recommended book is much more than its similarities with harry potter, a world in itself. This list is NOT comprehensive.

Let's go then!

If you take anything from this post, let it be this series because it is the perfect alternative:

The Nevermoor Series by Jessica Townsend!

This really should blow up worldwide, be the new fantasy phenomenon. It honestly pains me to even put it beside or compare it to Harry Potter. It feels disrespectful to Nevermoor, but it has everything and more you want out of HP. Traumatized kid protagonist who gets whisked away into an alternate world of magic, finds out she's special, meets a wonderful magical mentor/father figure (who isn't actually awful like Dumbledore is to Harry), lots of school friendships and found family, a wonderful setting including a magic school and a magical city with all kinds of fantastical landmarks and alleyways; with magical markets dark and whimsical both. There's magical trials, witches, oracles, fantastical giant creatures, sentient magical animals, and so much more. And it has good discussions on themes of discrimination, school bullying, and mental health. If you like Coraline or The Adams Family, this is perfect for you, too. Plus, this series is written by a queer author who has shown active support to social causes like Palestine.

The series is still releasing, so if you have kids in your life they could grow up with the series as it comes out.

Books in the series:

Nevermoor: The Trials of Morrigan Crow

Wundersmith: The Calling of Morrigan Crow

Hollowpox: The Hunt for Morrigan Crow

Currently waiting on Silverborn: The Mystery of Morrigan Crow

Adult book recommendations under the cut:

Adult books: Great alternatives to the later HP books and for readers who don't vibe with middle grade or YA anymore.

★ Books I've read myself.

★ The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang (trilogy): A dark-skinned, low-class provincial orphan enters a military academy, and must prove her value as a soldier. She discovers she has a hidden, lethal power. High fantasy, based on the Chinese wars and history of the 20th century. Has a magic school/military school setting in the first book. Discussions on the horrors of war and a person's loss of humanity under extenuating circumstances. Excellent character work.

★ Discworld by Terry Pratchett (YA/Adult, different series set in the same world). In particular, the Witches, Death, and Ricewind sub-series have similarities to HP in subject, characters, setting or themes. These books have lots of British humour and excellent commentary on social issues, and a little bit of a magical school and magic learning too.

★ T. Kingfisher books: Nettle & Bone, What Moves the Dead, Thorn Hedge, Paladin's Grace, A House With Good Bones and more. The author does mostly fairy tale retellings and horror. Great for fans of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

★ The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern (standalone): You want magic? Well, this is, I think, the most magical book ever written. It's so atmospheric, whimsical, historical, and dark. It's about two magicians duelling each other, showing off their magical abilities, under the wishes of their families/mentors (Dumbledore, anyone?). The competition takes place in a magical circus that only opens at night. It's full of magic, romance, betrayal, and wonderful prose. Perfect if you like The Goblet of Fire but you would want a more quiet, aesthetic version of the tournament.

★ Dead Djinn series by P. Djeli Clark (series, mystery, novel + novellas that can be read in any order): This is about supernatural detectives in an alternate history of the city of Cairo, a city full of otherworldly creatures. There's a Ministry of Alchemy, LGBTQ+ rep, discussions of colonialism (especially committed by the British), lots of cheeky humour and cool magical artefacts or magic mixed with technology. It's also set in the 1910s, so it's great for fans of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them.

The Name of The Wind by Patrick Rothfuss (ongoing series): This has a highly-praised magic school setting. It's about a notorious wizard who narrates his story; his childhood, years being a feral orphan, his school years and then life as a fugitive of the law. This series is hailed as one of the best ones in fantasy right now. Great prose too.

Black Prism by Brent Weeks (series): We all know HP is not applauded for having the most coherent magic system. Well, in this book you get a really inventive magic system based on light: in this world, some people can use different colours of visible light to do magic. The people who can use all of them are called Prisms. We follow this one magician who is the current Prism, most powerful man in the world, high priest and emperor, and also a man of wit and charm. He knows Prisms never last though... Great for people who would like a book about a powerful, high-achieving magician, like say, Dumbledore.

★ Strange the Dreamer by Laini Taylor (duology): A young librarian is convinced of the existence of the mythical city of Weep, which was cut from the rest of the world two hundred years ago. He is obsessed. No one believes him. One day an opportunity to travel to said city presents itself and all his dreams come true. But the city hides a dark past, and not all the inhabitants were always human: some were gods with blue skin. Beautifully written, whimsical at every turn but also full of complex, deep subjects.

Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo (ongoing series): It's dark academia in Yale but if Yale had a bunch of occult secret clubs. A freshman, Alex, is the sole survivor of a multiple homicide and still searching for answers herself. She arrives at the school tasked to monitor the activities of the secret societies full of rich students. But the occult activities are more sinister and extraordinary than what she imagined.

Very Secret Society of Irregular Witches by Sangu Mandanna (standalone): Magic school but now the protagonist is the witch teacher instead of the students, and who comes to teach magic to three young witches. Her coworkers are all a little eccentric, and the love interest is the grumpy librarian. A wholesome, cosy fantasy romance set in alternate contemporary times. Also with the found family trope.

★ Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb (multiple series): Hobb is one of the big names of fantasy. This is a low fantasy medieval world, with dragons, assassins, animal familiars, royal courts and backstabbing politics. If you like Game of Thrones, you'll probably like this series too. These books are character-centric to Fitz, the protagonist and bastard-born to the late crown prince, and the court jester, the Fool. The first trilogy is about Fitz's apprenticeship as an assassin to the royal family, his coming-of-age discovery of multiple hidden magic abilities that connect him to his family and the world of beasts, and his journey to save his uncle and country. So basically a non-formal magical school. Hobb has some problematic LGBTQ+ representation, though; she couldn't write a good queer character if her life depended on it. She seems to have the biases of her time ingrained in her and it shows in her writing. So there's that to consider.

★ The Fifth Season by N.K. Jemisin (trilogy): You want a series that you will be thinking about for the rest of your life?? This one. This one is it. This trilogy is about a world where every certain time, there's a worldwide cataclysmic seismic/volcanic disaster. Humanity has evolved strict tactics to survive this, but some individuals are born with the ability to affect seismic movements. These individuals are feared and are put as children into a school where they can learn to control their superhuman abilities and later be in service of the government. One of our protagonists is one of these children. It's about motherhood and community, and has LGBTQ+ with in-text trans, bisexual, and polyamory representation. It discusses subjects of technological advancement, society and discrimination.

Vita Nostra by Marina & Sergey Dyachenko (duology): This is often called "the anti-Harry Potter book". It has elements of mystery-thriller, plays with time/time loops, a magical university, post-soviet culture in Ukraine, metamorphosis, and it's very atmospheric. It's also recommended for fans of The Night Circus and The Magicians. It's best if you go into it not knowing much.

Natural History of Dragons by Marie Brennan (series): For fans of Charlie Weasley and Newt Scamander, set in a world where dragons are real. The protagonist and narrator is the world's preeminent dragon naturalist, who is set to bring these creatures of myth into the light of modern science. It's a coming-of-age story, about learning, and expeditions in search of magical creatures. It's more historical fiction than fantasy though.

The Chronicles of Between by L.L. Starling (ongoing series, romance, cosy, witches): The protagonist starts dreaming weird things when she accepts a position as a substitute teacher in a charmingly witchy village, and soon realizes they're not dreams, but magic. She gatecrashes a fairytale kingdom with drunken unicorns, bored dragons and sorcerers in leather pants. She accidentally performs a supposedly impossible feat and ends up tethered to this world by marriage and a title, but she forges an escape plan...

Magic for Liars by Sarah Gailey (standalone, mystery, urban fantasy): About a private investigator who never wanted to be magical. Not like her estranged sister, who is a magically gifted professor. But when she is hired to investigate the gruesome murder of a faculty member in her sister's academy, the detective starts to lose herself in the crime and the life she could have had.

★ House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune: LGBTQ+ rep, boarding school, perspective from the teachers/caretakers PoV, and feral, traumatized magical children. Edit: This book has been criticized for being anti-indigenous, in particular with the boarding school plotline being a parallel to residential schools, thus being insensitive and trivializing the history of erasure, violence, genocide and forced assimilation done by the colonizers towards the indigenous people of Canada.

The Dark Fantastic by Ebony Elizabeth Thomas (non-fiction): Exploration of race in popular youth & YA speculative fiction. Analyzing popular media including Harry Potter. Explores radical imagination & Afrofuturism in Black feminism, books and fan fiction to reveal new possibilities.

Disclaimer: I'm just one person/reader, I haven't checked the political or moral views of all these authors or if they're a shitty person. Anything I know or majorly problematic stuff is considered and accounted for, but it's not realistic for me to deep-check each author I ever read. But anyone is welcome to chime in if you know of something we should be aware of about these books/authors.

Always remember to check for trigger warnings (TW), especially for adult books.

Happy reading!

Supporting Sources:

https://www.aspiraldance.com/middle-grade-and-young-adult-books-to-read-instead-of-harry-potter/

https://missprint.wordpress.com/2022/09/01/back-to-magic-school-harry-potter-alternatives-booklist/

Goodreads for synopses.

[onstoryladders]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to other writers. Spread the self-love~🫶🏽(i know you have quite a few so it might be hard picking but i'm excited to see which you enjoyed writing most!🌻)

RUHI DEARESTTTTT THANKS FOR THIS ASK!!!!

OK SO. very hard to choose five fics. I enjoyed writing all of them for different reasons, but some of them make me prouder than others ngl 💓🤧

in no particular order (because id go crazy):

SECOND CHANCES (Taekyung/Daon/Shinwoo, Light On Me)

This is one of the stories I'm most proud of! It's the first story I wrote with a poly relationship, it explores Daon's feelings after the ending of the show and how he starts falling in love with Shinwoo too and struggles to make sense of it.

I love Daon a lot and it was very cathartic to delve into his journey, I put a lot of myself in this since I headcanon Daon to be demiromantic and I'm aro soooo yeah I had a blast and it always makes emotional when someone reads it <3

IN BLOOM (Pat/Pran, Bad Buddy)

My first attempt at writing Hanahaki, I usually don't like the trope so I had to modify it a little. In my version the disease is linked to the secrecy of your feelings, so you only die (or have to get treatment) if you don't confess, it doesn't matter if the feelings are unrequited or not.

This was fun and I cried writing it because once again I projected a little too hard onto Pran and his relationship with his mom, what can you dooo

MIKE WHEELER AND THE 5 STAGES OF DEALING WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND'S SECRET ADMIRER (Mike/Will and Mike & Max, Stranger Things)

IT TOOK ME A YEAR TO FINISH THIS ONE. The funny thing is that WEEKS after posting the last chapter I realized i had posted it exactly one year after the first, same day same month.

Anyway!! Once again this is projection galore, Mike is arospec in my heart and El is aroace, lots of queerness and exploration and friendship and conversations about feelings. Another cathartic journey for yours truly

Also I had SO MUCH FUN because with so many characters you can explore all kinds of dynamics and create some pretty funny dialogues <3

PAIN & PLEASURE (Vegas/Pete, Kinnporsche)

This is technically a series but I can't choose between Thorns & Roses and A Splash Of The Sun, they're pretty similar anyway. This is the Tattoo Parlor VegasPete AU, the vision came to me in a state of great horniness dream and now here we are........

I don't read much smut but I do like writing it when the right idea hits me. The thing I liked the most, besides the smut itself, is that I had to keep the characters IC even though their background is completely different from the source material, but people told me I did alright so I'm pretty proud of that!!

BEHIND THE MASK (Tin/Can, Love By Chance)

Oh I had so much fun writing this because Can is SO FUNNY TO WRITE!!!!!! He has no filter and Tin keeps popping up in his surroundings like he's trying very hard to make his life impossible, it was so delightful to write their exchanges

I love Tin and Can, they're one of my first Thai BL OTPs and will always have a special place in my heart!! 💓💓💓

Honorable mention to my GramBlack fics because I LOVED WRITING THEM!!!!!!! I wouldve written more but then. Oh well. The horrors

Thanks again for the ask 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

ari, could you potentially give me advice as to what i should watch next? i finished 'jujutsu kaisen' a couple of months ago, but i can't find myself anything to watch...

i tried getting into delicious in dungeon but i didn't really enjoy it all that much and found it to be a little boring... (i watched three episodes.)

i started watching frieren and while it's entertaining and there are aspects that i enjoy, it doesn't grip me as much as 'jujutsu kaisen' did.

on the other hand, i don't want to watch anything that it too dark and distressing, you know?

i was just wondering if you have found something fun since you have finished 'jujutsu kaisen'.

SLAMS FIST ON TABLE.

you have come to the right place :3333

ANON I’M SO HAPPY SOBS!!!!!!! i’ve been wanting to rant about the anime i like/the ones i’ve been watching recently for a while now………….

not liking dungeon meshi is totally fine, i will say that it only gets better the further you get!! :3 if you have the time i’d at least watch the first cour and see what you think!! it does . a bit of a genre swap….. 👀👀 frieren is one i put on hold too, so i can’t say much about that… i’ll probably watch it at some point though. anyway.

OKAY SOOOO . i do have some general recs for you first, before i get to anime that are currently airing/just finished airing!! if you’re looking for something similar to jjk then the obvious answer is chainsaw man, it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it’s my favorite manga next to jjk so. yk!! personally i think it’s better than jjk writing wise but s1 doesn’t get to the Really good parts…..

buuuut i know you didn’t want anything too dark and gritty, which csm most definitely is, so 😭 i’m gonna tell you abt my favorite favorite little anime. kind of. which is fate/stay night: unlimited bladeworks <333 EXTREMELY important that you watch the ufotable version. the fate series is my favorite ever and the anime means so much to me…. lots of good writing and characters and more than anything it’s very hopeful. in a really heartfelt way!!! the heaven’s feel movies are super good but also adapted from the darkest route of the fate visual novel lmao, so maybe… stay away from those. they’re insanely good though!!

another fate work that recently got adapted is fate/strange fake!! :3 only one episode is out rn as a kind of teaser for the series to come, but PLEASE do check it out because it’s… so good. i have a feeling you’ll love it, anon!! fate and jjk are similar in a lot of important ways i think….

i also want to give you some recs if you’re just looking for fluffy slice of life/romcom stuff!!!! romantic killer, gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, and a sign of affection are all super feel-good and comfy <3333 just really funny and cute…

WITH THAT BEING SAID . i’m gonna recommend some anime that i’m currently watching/just recently finished!!!! i have two in mind :33

first: oshi no ko!!! i’m mentioning this one first since it is… a pretty dark show. not in the same way jjk is, but i’d call it a kind of psychological horror/it deals with some really sensitive topics!! the whole point of the show is to dissect the entertainment industry, including/especially the darker parts, which i think says enough. it’s so much fun to watch and i feel like i learn a lot from it too :3 from what i’ve heard the portrayal is very accurate!! it’s also just… a gorgeous show with such an interesting premise and fun cast?? the first episode is movie length and made me sob like a baby, so i’d watch that one and see how you feel afterwards!! season 2 is currently airing :333

then!!! we have my arguably biggest rec for you anon: wind breaker!! it just recently finished at 13 episodes, and it’s a very action heavy shounen :3 super cool fight scenes, GREAT characters, and really lovely writing but in a way that’s easy to digest. this is the perfect anime for binging i think, and also really pulled me in (though eps 7-9 are my absolute favorites!!) <333 if you’re looking for something to feed your shounen brain with characters you can latch onto for comfort, wind breaker is your guy. i am in Love with togame jo.

………. also. anon. you asked for anime specifically but i want nothing but the best for you so 😔 i’m also gonna go ahead and recommend this…… interactive murder mystery music series? on youtube. it’s… basically anime!! just mostly mvs and audio dramas….. i’ll link the playlist so you can watch it in order, the first video will hopefully explain everything you need to know :33 milgram means . the universe to me and the characters/song are soso lovely. please tell me if you watch this one i would literally kill to have someone to talk about it with…..

ANYWAYYYY this got very long but i hope that’s okay!!!! more than anything i hope this helps you find your way to a new obsession 🫂🫂 all these anime are super good and precious to me, i’m sure you’ll love them all a lot!!!! hopefully!!!!!!!

[remythologise]

You win as always I just started watching IWTV hope it won’t disappoint but I trust you completely after Black Sails.

Do you have the list of the things you would force people to watch if you could?

This is such a delightful ask thank you so much!! I look forward to hearing your thoughts when you finish season 2!!!

It’s definitely a harder question because I do force people to watch it based on their tastes (i.e. I have forced my Tumblr besties to watch at least three different movies released in 2011 for gay subtext as the main recommendation factor but would not do this to my work colleagues)… HOWEVER!!! Based on broad factors of what I HAVE in the past forced my friends/loved ones to watch these are the winners…

ROMANCE/ROM-COM Crash Landing on You This is the best rom com ever made.* Nothing has ever brought my mom AND dad to laughter, tears, and had them BOTH proclaim ‘5 stars’. I cannot recommend this show strongly enough to anyone who has remotely liked a single rom com, ever.**

COMEDY Galavant Niche audience of people who love fantasy and musicals includes ME motherfucker!

Honourable mention: Deadloch, Utopia (AU), Derry Girls This is really just a series of non-American comedies I would recommend to people if they hadn’t seen it. Deadloch specifically I am SHOCKED and APPALLED more people on Tumblr are not on top of and AM continually threatening my friends with a gun to watch it, or else!!

HORROR Hannibal and IWTV Both absolutely all-time must watches but only for people that would be into that sort of thing (sickos with taste) and not look at me weirdly afterwards for recommending it.

CRIME/THRILLERS The Devil Judge and Beyond Evil Crazy how these two shows came out at like, the same time, were both so similar in terms of the Wildly Gay Subtextual Leads Dynamic and so good. And they (were) both on Netflix!! Beyond Evil is definitely more refined BUT The Devil Judge is also so good and wild and such camp fun… you couldn’t go wrong with either if you enjoy having a fun gay time, particularly not if you like shows just to the left of Hannibal/IWTV.

FANTASY  Word of Honour and The Untamed These are not all-timers because they are ‘objectively well-made’ they are all timers because I shake my friends by the shoulders and yell "I had the absolute most fun gay fantasy romance time watching them and you will too!"

HISTORICAL Spartacus and Black Sails Everyone talks about Black Sails on this website but not enough people talk about how Spartacus walked so Black Sails could run. Much more extreme R-rated and/or triggering content in Spartacus though so I do understand. Nevertheless something I do end up recommending to my male friends a lot (and they love it!!).

SCI-FI  Dark REALLY tough category and I didn’t love the ending of this show but decided to pick based on what I'd recommend to the most people on balance. Don't look up spoilers!

For All Mankind Ok I haven’t even finished season 3 of this show so I can’t properly endorse it in full confidence and I’m also biased because I’m currently watching it, but. I simply love to see the BSG showrunner do what he does best: make television. About People, Politics and Situations In Space!

Honourable mention: The OA, In the Flesh and Sense8 These are my ‘wish they weren’t cancelled’*** and I don’t know if I would inflict on people while incomplete. However I just think what they were aiming for was so so unique and good that maybe they’re worth watching anyway!! (***I know Sense8 had the consolation prize movie but it was so rushed and nothing that like. To Me. It doesn't count.)

ANIME Shin Sekai Yori This is definitely the all-time anime I recommend to absolutely everyone. Ignore the middling animation and don’t look up spoilers, the end has one of the most existential ‘reframes the narrative’ plot twists of all time.

Yuri on Ice Speaking of plot twists that reframe the narrative… YOI is an obvious answer but it’s also correct!!! IT WAS BORN TO MAKE HISTORY!!!

FILMS The Handmaiden Limiting myself to ONE film to keep things a little briefer (sorry about the long post!) it was still an easy choice and literally do force my friends to watch it the second I know they haven’t seen it. No spoilers but it’s the IWTV of cinema to me.

*When Harry Met Sally Is of course also the best rom com ever made for its medium and I would be remiss not to include that here as well!

[sewer-sermon]

who wants to hear some fucked up crackpot headcanons. TOO LATE IM SHARING THEM NOW BOY!

some of these ive definitely already said before but they're going on here for the sake of categorization anyways. cw for uhhh body horror, parasites, emeto, cannibalism and necrosis, all the fun stuff you'd imagine go along with this

•after a certain point in dissonance overexposure his face literally just Melted Off. Gone. it's mostly just bandages, exposed muscle & scar tissue under there now which is why he kept the helmet on fulltime & wears a mask. he also used to have bleach blonde hair which he lost pretty much completely along with the face WHOOPS!

•speaking of that plague mask DOES NOT COME OFF! like, it's literally part of him at this point. it fused to his skin after a while of him constantly wearing it & then his skull grew out underneath it to fit it so that is quite literally just his face now. it's made of metal but he still has sensation in it like it's skin! it'll still bleed if you lash him across it hard enough. (if you decked him good enough in the center of the beak you would PROBABLY hear the disconcerting crunch of bone.) THIS IS ALSO THANKS TO DISSONANCE! HURRAY DISSONANCE!!!!

•his old anti-dissonance helmet also had some dull feeling in it, mostly towards the end of his career, though it was never able to get to the level of attachment that his current mask now has <3

•post-nexus he is constantly losing teeth and growing new ones in like a shark and it hurts like fuck and he basically has to teathe on shit like a dog sometimes to alleviate it. also in this vein his bite is INFECTIOUS like that's a given for any person but i think his especially would quite literally BURN from the very get. he has a super nasty bite bc his lips are just jagged metal so it can rip and tear like shit. coincidentally he is definitely not above biting people in combat and probably might even if he's already armed. Just for fun!

•actually in general i think he fights like a wild goddamn animal. he doesn't like guns (re: sucks dick at using them) and only likes melee bc it's *honorable" and Blades Pretty but he is QUICK o resort to biting, kicking, clawing, etc etc and he's damn good at it too. he's probably impaled someone through the head on that beak of his before. i would LOVE to animate how i imagine him to fight in the good ol fashioned style of Madness Combat: The Series About Animated Violence bc it's SUPER vivid to me

•his mouth will seal over & will have to rip itself open if he goes a while without using it. he's pretty much completely numb to it by now after so many times but it definitely catches other people off guard when he smiles or something of that nature i think

•hes super drooly. weird mouth situation and it's honestly probably a good mix of blood from his tooth situation/mouth constantly tearing itself apart

•i honestly dont think i even need to say this but he smells. Bad. like. as bad as youd anticipate a sewer zombie to smell, yk. it kind of sucks bc he USED to be like hyperaware of his own hygiene but after the facemelter incident that kinda gradually declined until he was. just okay enough with it to Live In The Sewers. sometimes he will have moments of self awareness where he can feel every inch of grime on his body and it makes him SICK TO HIS STOMACH so he tries his absolute best not to pay any mind to it

•after being enmeshed he is so full of maggots and flies and mold... and other such detritivores YUM!!! he lost a lot of feeling in his extremities bc a lot of nerves died off so he barely notices but sometimes he will catch one crawling up his shirt or something & hold it and maybe talk to it a little bit and admire it.....he likes bugs idt he minds to be frank <3 (well. he does and doesn't. similar deal to the general hygiene yk? really not much to be done about it anymore and if he thinks about it too hard he WILL freak out so it's best not to!)

•the fact that i color his saliva/internals that bright ass green is not just stylization for fun I do legit think this boy has glowstick blood. something to do with constantly handling other people's S-3LFs during enmeshment. i think he quite literally has fragments of countless people's souls stuck in his system & they often manifest as hallucinating random voices/people

•hes so stupid proud of himself for managing to come back as a zed and also. Inwardly a little horrified by it. his body definitely isn't up to full function like it used to be (it was already kinda deteriorating due to dissonance poisoning so ERM!) & if he isn't careful about when he eats he WILL just dull back into blind hunger and attack & eat the nearest person he can get his paws on! it's kinda scary to black out and lose control of yourself like that over something you almost never think about being a huge issue.... OF COURSE. not that he'd ever TELL anyone it scares him. GOD FORBID HE ADMIT HIS LINE OF SCIENCE IS KIND OF FUCKED UP!!!!

•he was also a cannibal before becoming a zed so the whole fact that he eats people now isn't really an issue and didn't . really change lol. NOT WHEN HE WAS A SCIENTIST but like. post nexus he Absolutely resorted to cannibalism almost concerningly quickly. HMM!

•he definitely makes stuff out of people bones too. you can't look at him and tell me he doesn't

•he's specifically become a swamp zed and sometimes he WILL have to physically hold himself back from throwing up as a stress/defensive response

•however, BECAUSE he's a swamp zed he's adapted to be semi-aquatic by now so he can hold his breath for a pretty good while & he's a REAL good swimmer! he has webbed paws and a strong ass salamander tail for this purpose

•he has very vivid nightmares almost every night and tries to avoid sleeping as much as possible due to this. this was something that started while he was still working for nexus due to dissonance exposure but it just got worse and worse and became ESPECIALLY bad following phobos's death. he'll push himself days and even weeks on end without sleeping until he quite literally passes out...

uhmmm probably forgot some i intended to add here but OH WELL! this post is already gigantic i can just make another one. I HAVE THOUGHTS!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

a decade later sure i'll put it into Text Post "tumblr user claims: plausibly may feasibly" form, starting with these classic screenshots i still have saved

this being dialogue from 2015's always watching: a marble hornets story, which is like hey this is a pretty well produced indie venture & you can sure like sit through it even if you then never watch it again b/c it's still kind of overly on the beaten path & "i'm not sure this choice is justified in much of anything" (see: bizarrely omnipresent thread of a love triangle just to be There; typical Mental Patient(tm) Harbinger; several real marked More Is Less instances arguably) that is still a better time than other random horror material i've seen & hated vs. only mostly been underwhelmed by but in an Overall Shrug way alone. yeah imdb's 4.7 out of 10 seems fair enough if you consider like 5 stars truly middle of the road solid if forgettable vs that anything < 7 stars is for [Bad!] or whatever

anyways the main character is named milo & indeed the creator(s) / actors / writers troy joseph & tim were involved in the production at all: tim at least by being the first step in doug jones's casting by reaching out directly (online), but troy & joseph also via Some writing, like in that slender game sequel also: not the Primary creators / writers, but still officially involved in the creative process at all. & i knew of them & they knew of me by this time & in a [source: dude just trust me] style of way, i, a tumblr user, am like "i think milo alwayswatching Could be named after me, milo unproduciblesmackdown. lol." b/c also like yeah i can take it on the chin if it's a coincidence, which is also likely. great name & it's just not being used enough in fictional & nonfictional people's names. you might also be aware that some role in tribetweIve is named milo (maybe the main guy. i never watched it) so you might also speculate it's named after that guy, which seems plausible also, But: afaik there are no other similar plausible shoutouts at all, to that series or to emh which was just as majorly like One Of Those 3 Biggest Online Series. may or may not add a grain of salt to take it with. like my own "of course, there's a grain of salt in 'milo just like me milo, and Uncoincidentally?' b/c how wouldn't there be. a name people have"

the dude just trust me argument: distilling it down to "i went to their first convention & then the same one the next year, & in these experiences i Know they knew of me from that + also online, where people knew my name was milo as well" and "it seems feasible enough it's an easter egg Not Coincidence that i first knew this character's name happened to also be milo b/c someone who experienced a clip sent me an ask about it, so they assumed it was a possible actual connection too lol." and, of course, it might be a fun coincidence after all. but i'm still like "yeah no it Could be a funny little shoutout to me specifically for real" and mean it and, again, i can endure it if i'm completely wrong. b/c who could care, and also b/c it's so funny that the character is a guy who basically just is like "i am going to have a bad attitude. b/c of the insistent tiresome love triangle thing. well now I'm insistently tiresome" and fucking everything up but like, sure. exasperating epic fail protagonists

the only relevance i think it has besides "to me, b/c i can go haha yeah. that might be like: just like me!!" is that it's Also plausible b/c yeah marble hornets Is the kind of series that might go "this could be an easter egg about some queer autistic tumblr user we know about" lmao, its Inherent Queerness both re: the material and in the creators' knowledge like yep that's how our Appreciators skew! like it's low stakes to be like [lol, Me. perhaps] b/c it's obviously of zero importance like it adds no info, i'm just some rando queer fan from back in the day, but it's this potential Fun Fact that's funny to know & it's about "yeah like they knew i was trans back then too & that it was like, amidst the MH Fans, like nobody's cishet man (shaggy rogers voice)" Gay Rights!

[the-hydrangea-witch]

I should probably do a proper introduction to Tales From Under the Bay huh. Well instead of that I'm writing this from my phone at 2 am

Anyways there's like 3 books* and none of the titles are official

I should clarify the genre I think it's SUPERNATURAL HORROR

Book 1: Tales From Under the Bay: Creiltiaa

After the death of Celia's mother, Andie, a fan of Andie's book series A Guide For the Soon-To-Be Survivors approached Celia with sinister fascination, seemingly knowing of her condition that causes her to blip in and out of alternate, but nearly identical, realities at random. What's odd to Celia is that her mother never had a book series by that name; it seemingly came into existence after her death, and as she finds pages of it, she not only learns about her mother's past, but dives into a supernatural rabbit hole. Ideally she would love to explore the supernatural world with her childhood best friend Adelaide, but she gets fucken killed like 2 chapters in because she tried to summon what she thought was a demon and was stopped by some loser guy, oopsies sorry girlie. Also also there's a ton of other short stories intermingled within this book detailing other supernatural events that Celia is not directly a part of, showing the past, present, and distant future, such as the birth of the god Phthisis V AKA Hope, the death of the Internet as if it were a manmade deity, and the apocalyptic event known as the Great Wind. We also get to see chapters that are entirely just journal entries of celia rambling about her theories about the multiverse and notes on everything they've encountered, poor girl is a mess

Book 2: Tales From Under the Bay: Dusty Grove Road

After the disappearance of her twin brother Artie, Alice Kelley goes to the neighborhood he lived in and where he was last seen. This is a prequel to Creiltiaa, where Alice is a character very similar to Celia in that they are both researchers of the supernatural. This story, however, explores a much smaller area ((especially because Alice isn't running from the police)) known as Dusty Grove Road, which is mentioned multiple times in Creiltiaa as something of a Hotspot for supernatural events. The street itself is paved with living flesh, and every house and building has a story to tell. Spoiler alert this is the one time a character ever has something close to a good ending

Book 3: Tales From Under the Bay: The Pin

Long after the Great Wind, humankind moved entirely underground, with no memory left of there ever being a sky. Everyone (according to the main characters) lives in a singular, unfathomably and impossibly large structure they call The Pin, made up of an unknown number of layers that at the current time serve as independent states of sorts. This story follows the main four characters Bauble, Folly, Cassette, and Stairwell, with honorable mentions of Vehicle, Choir, Ambience, and Infrared, among others, as they enter the reality-bending corridors of The Pin known as The Arteries, where they encounter a shit ton of spooky things and like they might die they might survive who knows, they sure as hell are probably not finding the sky though (and good thing, too, because they're all adamantly opposed to the very idea of it, so seeing it would probably fry their brains)

anyways please ask questions (IF YOU WANT TO) this is my entire life blood and soul rn besides my fantasy story but I'm bad at condensing things

[totallynotreadingatwork]

Mini Book Reviews Again

The Cargo from Neira by Alys Clare, book 5 of the Gabriel Taverner series - Been a little while since I read one of this series because I was all caught up to publication, but I don't think that's going to matter now because it felt like this was the last book in the series. If so, it was a fitting sendoff, and a good mystery with a decent little happy ending for all involved. These books aren't sweeping epics or anything groundbreaking, but if you feel like you'd like 250-page historical mysteries then this is as good a place to start as any.

Inkheart by Cornelia Funke, book 1 of the Inkworld series (of which there's apparently going to be a new book of this year?!?!) - Read this literally over a decade ago and decided to reread it now and god I'm glad I did; for starters, this book captures the joy of reading and love of books so well it's unbelievable. Second; it's just a really good story. I know it's part of a trilogy but honestly you could read it as a standalone if you wanted. Funke is a brilliant storyteller, and even though it's a kids book it's perfect for adult fans of fantasy too.

The Owl Service by Alan Garner - I'm not going to lie, this one was a bit odd in terms of language and sentence structure, but once you get past all that... the story is even weirder. It's sort of exploring one of the stories of the Mabinogion about Lleu Llaw Gyfes and Blodeuwedd, and I just thought it was a really interesting take on it. You see all of these re-explorations of Greek and Roman myths going on at the moment, and for some reason I've never thought to look into similar things going on with Welsh stories, but honestly this one was brilliant, if a bit mad.

Into the Fog by Alexia Muelle-Rushbrook, book 3 of The Minority Rule trilogy - Plagued by a lot of the things I didn't like about the previous two books; supposedly childfree main character gets pregnant and loves it; "xyz system is wrong and immoral and can't work but oh thank goodness it worked for me". I'm not a fan. The ending was also a naff copout, I felt, because half the point of this book was that the government shouldn't get to control your life, and the protagonist kind of ended the series by saying agreeing with that, but only because the goal the government was trying to achieve by controlling everyone will end up being achieved anyway if they stop, implying that if that wasn't the case then controlling everyone would be the correct choice to make.

Unrest by Michelle Harrison - Another reread from when I was younger. It really freaked me out at the time, but didn't have quite the same impact as an adult, partly because I'm not as easily spooked now, and partly because I remembered what happened. Still, I'd recommend it to any young horror fans. I've enjoyed it even the second time around; Michelle Harrison is an excellent author.

Blue Bloods by Melissa De La Cruz, book 1 of the Blue Bloods series - Listen. Listen. This book is trash. It's kind of unbelievably rubbish. But I love it so damn much. It's from the Twilight era, this one being published in 2006, and it shows. It's hastily written, highly problematic, and seems to be a combination of Twilight and Fallen by Lauren Kate because the vampires in this book are actually angels. Like I said, it's trash and bonkers but I enjoy it because I'm trash and bonkers.

Ghost Knight by Cornelia Funke - I don't have much to say about this one really. My mum bought it for me off a charity book table for 50p so I read it even though it's definitely aimed at like... 7 year olds? It was okay. I prefer books with more substance but it was good for what it was and I have since passed it on to an actual seven year old.

Unwell Women by Elinor Cleghorn - A depressing read in all honesty; like you know the medical world is awful to women, but you never quite realise the extent of that, and it's crazy to see it all laid out there in black and white. I know it's not the world's most accurate account of the medical history of women, and some liberties have been taken to make it more dramatic in places, but I feel it should be appreciated for the spotlight it managed to help put on women's health.

The Spook's Revenge by Joseph Delaney, book 13 of the Spooks series - One hell of an ending to the series I'll tell you that. I do wish it had spent less time and effort setting up the next series however; I feel like sewing the seeds for a spinoff is fine, but if you do that too much in a final novel then it detracts from the main story and can make the ending feel a bit hollow because you know the victory won't last. Still, I enjoyed it, and I'm very glad to have come back to this series.

The Secret Chapter by Genevieve Cogman, book 6 of the Invisible Library series - So this one is a heist book. I really enjoyed it. One thing I enjoy about this series is how each book is still introducing new characters and having new adventures. There's obviously overarching plot and you shouldn't read them out of order, but you probably could if you didn't mind missing out on the background stuff. Really, Cogman's books are just a very fun time.

[acomputeryguy]

Really surprised to see people criticising the new TV show for its messaging (e.g. the Jobs episode overtly critiquing western work structures) when the YouTube episodes did... exactly the same thing?

Episode 1 (Creativity), Episode 3 (Love [read: religion]), 4 (Computers), and 5 (Food) were all commentaries on their subject matter. The fifth episode is the most obvious with its use of the "health shape" (versus the food pyramid) and the contradictory, confusing guidance on what food is "healthiest" to eat.

Episode 2 (Time) also kind of counts, but that's the more existential of the subjects, the overall point being to just not take time for granted because it moves on inexorably no matter what.

I think people get so lost in the theory-making with the YouTube shorts though that there's not enough focus given to the commentary happening in each individual episode. Nobody really talks about what Healthy was trying to achieve, fans instead obsess over Duck's image being on the food cans, the horror of Yellow Guy appearing to have eaten his friend, the fact Red is missing having had his mind blown in the previous episode... But on the surface, the creators are poking fun at the way food is advertised and talked about.

The behind-the-scenes narrative was something adopted by the fans, not really the true creative intent. I've always felt that, personally. And I think it's very telling that the creators didn't vibe with Wakey-Wakey if we keep that in mind. DHMIS on the surface has always been about commentating on current affairs (or topics that are prevalent in Western culture).

The reason it's difficult to pin down one single over-arching theory for the YouTube series is because each episode can exist independently, with the exception of episode 6. And the TV series repeats this. To put it simply, it feels a bit like a way of saying that the "lore" implications are a last thought, and not necessary to enjoy the series as a whole. If DHMIS wanted to expand its world and lore, it could have started with episode 6 and given us a very different series. What we got was how the YouTube series initially started but with a longer runtime per episode and more chance to the develop the three main characters. The extra set of stairs Yellow Guy misses before going back to his friends, however, feels like an invitation to keep theorising anyway, because it was the internet's obsessive need to find meaning in DHMIS that ultimately bought it its popularity.

But again, this then takes away from the "British-ness" of the series, which is really under-appreciated (and really being torn down by the loudest critics over here). I hope the series does well outside of fan interactions because as a jumping-in point for the uninitiated, it hits all the right beats for a quirky British comedy akin to The Mighty Boosh. It's just a little sad Channel 4 have parked it in an 11PM slot and right behind a Jimmy Carr-led panel show...

But yeah... YouTube's Episode 5 beats the audience over the head with its message just as much as Jobs does... The format is very similar too - even so far as Duck's discomfort with the subject matter that is being taught via the song not matching up with what is actually happening. He is the only one in Jobs to resist whilst Yellow Guy gets caught up (as he did in the YouTube episode) and Red Guy is for the most part, MIA (out in the "real world", playing his part as the company's manager).

The only key difference between the YouTube shorts and the Channel 4 programme is that, with a 23-minute run-time, the songs can't take up the entire episode and so as a consequence they aren't the most iconic takeaways.

What we've lost in quirky musical format, we've gained in character and relationship development for the trio though, and I'd argue that's not such a bad trade-off...

[adamworu]

The Subtle Horror of Evangelion

What keeps us all hooked to Eva time and time again? You get through your initial, confused watch of either Evangelion endgame, probably sometime in your adolescence wondering what the hell it is you just watched. The original source material is suffused with unsettling imagery, and sometimes too-close-for-comfort shorts. It’s so much to process that one watch is never enough. The imagery isn’t enough, however, because the mid-to-late-90s series comes with things you’ll pick up the more you focus on certain characters’ struggles or the interesting world-building. They arise little by little with every re-watch, adding onto what interested you in Eva to begin with.

There’s always that little voice asking you “What it is that really draws me here?”

Oh. The horrors.

The tragedy of it all.  

These things never leave you the second you bear witness to them, whether you become aware of them or not. You’re disturbed over it, a tad worried, no doubt, but you’re strangely hooked.

Horror works better on limitation, it’s why found footage capturing pale, ghastly, monstrosities of the deep wood will always stand as exponentially terrifying. While most all of us have taken cracks at Eva’s budget at some point, that’s what really drives these terrors home. Its low budget nature made it work.

Evangelion has commentary which forces a viewer to reflect. Most no one enjoys that. It’s the fear, however, that has its audience come back. Evangelion’s reflection alone isn’t what gives Eva it’s charm decades after its run. It’s the little things, most everyone misses, the anxieties, the terrors, all of it. Most of those things, fly over a lot of fans’ heads.

Buckle up, there’s a lot to go through…. (warning for mentions of abuse, body horror, means of suicide, nudity, blood, and gore)

Table of Contents

I. Icebergs for Dummies

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji is the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XXI. Conclusion

I. Icebergs for Dummies

For those unaware, the iceberg image illustrates that things are much deeper than they appear, just like an actual iceberg. You’ve probably seen this selfsame iceberg--- separated by tiers--- a few times looking through late night internet rabbit holes (Putting it out in the open: I’m personally guilty of this!), fictional or non. It helps you understand why you’re so enticed to certain material, that you’d revisit them. The highest parts of the iceberg are the things in the material most everyone knows, the surface level stuff. The lower you go, however, the lesser known the parts of the material are. These are the things the person are aware of.

Eva has some iceberg illustrations if you look around, albeit they don’t go through the more saddening, sometimes graphic factors of Eva, only theories navigating through Eva’s universe. Evangelion is so deceptively packed with blink-and-you’ll-miss-it subtleties that if an iceberg were centered on that, the diagram would be packed. And I’m being generous as I write this.

A few ground rules, before we begin: The iceberg will deal with the more obscure and dark material as the tiers get higher rather than it only being relegated to obscure bits. The lower the tier, the higher the iceberg and the more subtler the anxieties which graduate into horrors the deeper you go.

Yes, Evangelion is occasionally horrifying. No, Evangelion is not lovecraftian. I think people use the term lovecraftian way too freely. It’s not enough to see something with (sometimes too many) limbs twisted in ungodly angles. Or legs where legs shouldn’t be. The same applies for creatures assuming forms we don’t entirely comprehend. Eva has never delved into the angels being incomprehensibly terrifying specifically because they come from a cosmic expanse.

Some of these actual horrors, big and small,  hit you after adolescence, something that makes you feel deeply for the characters’ dilemmas. It’s a feeling that grows and sometimes aches, rather than fades over time for many of us.

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji As the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

Evangelion has its hand in so many psychological and philosophical cookie jars, from Freud, to Maslow, Johari, as well as Dostoevsky. The very tip of the Subtle Horrors of Evangelion Iceberg is something viewers are introduced to in the fourth episode of the series. It is one of the many psychological concepts dotted throughout the original show. Out of all those psychological concepts, this is the most explicit and most recurring.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma describes the conundrum of two hedgehogs. The closer two hedgehogs become to one another, the more they harm each other with their spines. If you want to properly live, you need the closeness and intimacy of others. By allowing yourself to be close, however, you end up at great risk of being hurt. It’s the very reason what drives those who live to become guarded. Being perpetually apprehensive or building up walls isn’t a remedy for pains, however. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma isn’t just about why people become guarded after relationships ended on bad notes. It’s about the overall inevitability of pain.

Life is a continual push-pull of relationships, because we’re all creatures of comfort. We guard ourselves to varying degrees and sometimes even tell ourselves we won’t get close again, but personal comfort is one of our most ultimate drives.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma not only describes that harm happens to us anyway, but illustrates that because comfort is universal we seek companionship regardless.

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

The AT-Field is the most crucial rabbit hole in understanding the largest meta-narrative of Evangelion.

If Hedgehog’s Dilemma explains the what and the why people become more or less guarded, then AT-Fields explain the how. People build up walls around themselves all the time. You walk away from someone because they crack a smile at you... and it seems off.

Because you feel an anxious pang.

That’s an AT Field.

AT-Fields, or Absolute Terror Fields bear a few metaphors, one of which being boundaries. You see it as Shinji’s fear of becoming intimate, knowing the future implications or Asuka’s masculine protest (putting up a front). We can see an excellent example of the AT Field used by Asuka, her ���Wall of Jericho” in episode 9.

You also see it manifested through the angels, the strange creatures in Eva who supposedly desire to merge with Adam, their mother. Seeing this in the angels makes you realize that the AT Field is actually a metaphor for boundaries which implicates us all. In episode 22, Arael, 15th angel, seeks to understand Asuka. The angel uses its AT-Field (a beam of light) no, its boundary, to breach Asuka’s boundaries. 

AT-Fields can be used to not only build up personal walls but to breach them as well. The irony of Arael’s action is that Arael’s AT-Field being erected while it floats just over Earth’s gravitational field makes it immensely similar to the Second Child; they’re both guarded.

The AT-Field is a funny sort of thing because it also sometimes explains how two people who are so alike can be guarded from one another. Sometimes you gain contempt for someone because they’re too much like your least favorable traits. You see this with Shinji and Asuka, both children without their mother desiring validation. Shinji calls Asuka a child midway into episode 9 and Asuka isn’t shy on voicing ideas of Shinji as dense or immature. They’re throwing stones in glass houses.

AT Fields are used to get the user out of dangers both physical and perceived. Sachiel, 3rd angel in the original series’ pilot episode, uses its AT-Field, in the form of flotation, to get itself from enemy fire. It never shows this until it is attacked first.

AT Fields are also responsible for one’s identity and physicality in Eva. Without the AT Field you don’t really exist. When Rei assumes the form of the person the character being cast into Instrumentality loved most in End of Evangelion, she’s causing the character to give up their AT Field. With that gone, they lose their physicality, turning into LCL (given the lovely term ‘tanged’ by fans). The ‘tanged’ individual suffers metaphorical death. Evangelion argues that in order for one to exist, others must perceive you and you must perceive you, a point best illustrated in episode 16. Since everyone is converted to LCL, no one really ‘exists.’ Rei describes this unnerving state as the inability of differentiating who you are and others, since everyone lacks a physical state without AT-Fields. Metaphorical death can be argued as worse than physical, since we all exist to make an impression of some sort. It’s what ties all the Eva cast together and the cause of their dilemmas. Validation. You can be living, yet very much forgotten or simply unknown.

There is living and there is “living.”

You can’t “die” unless someone knows you. You were never there. AT Fields are the thing that make us live, but as a drawback, prevents us from understanding each other fully. Kaworu states in episode 24 that AT Fields are the wall of the mind and the heart of the soul, an unapproachable piece of sanctuary. When all else is taken from us, all we have left is our place of respite.

I’d also like to pitch the saddening reality that the AT-Fields are what prevent us from understanding angels as a whole, our genetic siblings as scared of this world as we are. The psychological angels want to understand us, that much is true. The angels, however, use forms of communication at the expense of our boundaries. Because people greatly value boundaries it makes it hard for us to comprehend angels. The creatures are hardly malicious when you realize they wonder why we all do things that actually hurt us, as well as the fact that they do understand our minds. But, because they breach our boundaries, we become even more wary of the (mostly) unknown. Angels may be us, but the strange forms they take are something we aren’t familiar with. The feeling is mutual with angels, wondering why there are many of us, our forms and outward appearances so identical. It’s a truth as old as time that we all fear the unknown.

The anxiety of an AT Field means comprehending that there’s very little chance to 100% get others. Because we’re all wary in some degree, because we’re set in an idea or perception of someone, even if the someone in the past no longer applies. It’s not healthy for you to continue dwelling on relationships not meant to be, keeping yourself up at night asking why, because both of you have closed off each other for good. There’s always that chance the other can come back and if they do seek to understand despite past hardships, that’s good. If they don’t, all you can do is move on and accept it.

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

Kensuke is one of Shinji’s classmates, a supporting player in the series. He’s close with Toji Suzuhara, a boy who takes his anger on Shinji, after finding out that his sister has been injured during Shinji’s fight with 3rd angel Sachiel. As Suzuhara beats him down, Kensuke downplays the incident. Kensuke’s and Toji’s relationship is particularly interesting because the latter is affected to some degree by war (the war by humanity to prevent our destruction by angels). Kensuke glorifies the sentient, implicitly eldritch, multi-armored war-machines.

Kensuke can be best described as the ‘wow, cool robots’ drawing you’ve probably seen floating around. This is in relation to Gundam’s war commentary, but replace Gundam with Eva. Kensuke is enamored with the Evangelions and totally, willfully ignorant to the war horrors. Adolescents are forced to be the salvation of humanity, feeling every bit of damage to their own bodies whenever the Evangelion takes any hurt. Even after the war for humanity is long over, the pilots will be afflicted with traumas that will always hang over them.

Kensuke’s glorification is also what draws him to be Shinji’s friend. He uses Shinji’s status as a way of becoming a pilot himself by meeting up with Misato, putting himself at the cockpit of a strange creature magnificent machine.

When Toji becomes hospitalized after his battle in a hijacked Unit-03 vs. A Dummy System-controlled Unit-01, Kensuke expresses discontent at not being a pilot. He’s annoyed because “everyone” but him is a pilot.

Thing is, Kensuke isn’t heartless, just ignorant. Idealism is one of the uglier things that runs thick in the heart of Evangelion. His is one of many cases of unhealthy idealism in Eva, another example of making it difficult for those living to understand one another.

V. Shinji as the Audience Surrogate

Shinji as the audience surrogate isn’t always touched up on, but is sort of understood subconsciously by a lot of the viewers. Shinji’s character is specific, yet so generalized that him being a surrogate for the audience just… works. Don’t believe me? Shinji gets two psychological exploration-based episodes whereas Asuka and Rei each have one. Episodes 16 and 24 are both psychological angel episodes, albeit the latter is more in-series subversive. The 24th episode doesn’t involve a breach of subconscious boundary, but the pilot (Shinji) is in the hot-seat, being made aware of their issues. Leliel, 12th angel, contacts Shinji in the former of these. Both characters talk to one another, shown as a series of horizontal lines and vertical lines, sometimes intersecting. These lines are a strong reference to the Johari Window, a tool in psychology which helps someone become more aware of themselves. The Window’s quadrants are as follows

1. the part known to the self

2. the part known to others

3. the part known to the self and others

4. the part known to no one

Leliel also states that the self only exists of one perceives themselves as well as others. The angel also states that Shinji could better his reality, to which Shinji absolves himself of responsibility by arguing the horrible state of his reality. It’s a subtle pushing to Shinji and by extension the viewer into free will. Kaworu builds up on these concepts with Eva’s in-universe concept for boundaries. Free Will versus Determinism is brought up here, with the idea that AT-Fields are brought up because the living (again, not people – emotional complexities aren’t only human) will them into existence. By exercising free will, it means enduring pain, one of Shinji’s, and again the audience’s greatest fears. Any relationship has pains and conflicts. This is all a buildup of free will, determinism, self-awareness, and the Hedgehog’s Dilemma. Understanding all of these means swallowing the “pain is inevitable” pill. The problem with much of us is that we like the idea of relationships rather than being in one. We want to feel validated but without the conflict, even if the conflict can be solved. We’re all Shinji because we’re all aware to life’s hellish catch-22s, so we run. There’s times in our lives where we run as far as possible from these woes, these truths, but there’s pain in running too. It’s why escapism seems like such a viable action for some of us.

Pain is inevitable, but pain can be mitigated.

More damning evidence to Shinji being a viewer stand-in lies in either endgame of Evangelion (pun intended). In EoE, after the Komm Susser Tod sequence of everyone on Earth being tanged, we’re treated to a shot of EoE’s live audience.

We hear Shinji’s voice about his reality while he talks to Rei toward EoE’s end. There are shots of the city, of people going about their daily lives cementing that this is about us. End of Evangelion shows us a less favorable side of Shinji, a departure from the lauded end series “Congratulations” scene, in which he does understand free will rather than perpetually dwell on negatives. Shinji reacts unfavorably toward Asuka in EoE after his mother’s speech to the audience that ‘anywhere can be paradise’ and Shinji stating he doesn’t know where his happiness resides. Shinji (We) still has a ways to go if he wants to be a better person.

It’s probably why many of us are either inclined to champion Shinji or harangue him, and either reaction is fair. Many of us are aware of audience surrogates, but never to this extent. Shinji isn’t his best person, but he can be. Being his best means self-reflection. Droves of people who first were exposed to Evangelion were teens, and again many of Shinji’s woes are specific yet so generalized, hence our feelings of defense and possibly disgust.

No one likes scathing, yet accurate call-outs on their person, but they’re paramount for us to understand ourselves and others.

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

One of the worst things recurring in all of original Evangelion is a bevvy of abuses.

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and it’s many characters’ realities. Abuse happens not because the universe ‘wills it’ (determinism aka, ‘that’s just how people are’). Abuse, be it conscious emotional absence, actual neglect, among other ungodly acts fly though the cast.

Abuse is cyclical and a lot of those doing it often get away with murder because they have power.

Much of Eva is comprised of children being forced to sort through adults’ emotional baggage. Those children become adults and the cycle continues.

We all know a Gendo. Or even perhaps a Misato. Hell, even a Ritsuko.

Anno states that Gendo’s character is of a societal meta-text, which explains many viewers’ ire in relation to the character.  He’s responsible for many of the seedy goings-on in Evangelion be it the financial (see: Jet Alone’s orchestrated out-of-control nature to give NERV more funding) or abuses (see: Rei, Shinji, Ritsuko, and, Naoko). It’s for this reason why Gendo’s actions are a sore spot for a lot of fans.

Anno: I’m not sure that it’s a real father [that Gendo represents]. Well, not a father in the sense of a parent with a blood relation to his child, but more, I think, [in the sense of being] a representative of society or the system. That’s why he has that expression.

Takekuma: So, he’s kind of amorphous.

Anno: The angels are the same. I made them appear amorphous in that way because, for me, society is unclear, the enemy is unclear.

Takekuma: Gendo is [a representation of] the boundries or the pressure of society itself.

Anno: That might be it. Perhaps Gendo is [a representation of] society itself.

http://wiki.evageeks.org/Statements_by_Evangelion_Staff

After many re-watches of certain Eva episodes, it just hit me, as I’m writing this why I’m sometimes apprehensive on an adult-exclusive lens of the show. This happens a lot in adolescence and our struggles are made trivial because of the mishandled baggage. As children, you’re meant to be subservient to parental whims. You have this sort of obligation to solve their problems. Give them closure. It doesn’t even need to be parental baggage, but just from adults in general. You see the way the adults act not just with the children but with each other. You see the way Gendo justifies neglecting Shinji, objectifying Naoko and Ritsuko or Naoko’s emotional absences as a mother to her daughter (also manifested through the MAGI). It’s these immature excuses as to why they can’t extend empathy to those around them.

It’s always excuses.

Eva’s original series has always been a show about children.

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

The Elevator Scene is a sequence that sometimes gets glossed over due to Evangelion’s fleeting budget.  It took me years to realize the true gravity of the awkward silence of both the 22nd episode and its Director’s Cut version. The Director’s Cut version has Asuka abruptly jerking in the silence,  but that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment speaks volumes. Understanding the scene means understanding why Asuka quietly stews in her anger. Understanding why Asuka stews means understanding Asuka from her debut to her emotional breakdown.

Asuka’s appearance in the 8th episode, Asuka Strikes!, is marked by a bold persona that carries on until the end. She isn’t shy on imparting her prowess to Shinji, stating that Units 00 as well as 01 were the prototype and the test type, respectively. Her Evangelion, Unit-02 is the finished product. She even states that she graduated from university. Despite these impressive feats so early in adolescence, the only time in which they’re noted is when Asuka talks of them. Misato takes in both Shinji and Asuka, but only ever “dotes” on Shinji. Gendo pays attention to Shinji because he pilots Unit-01, and 01 contains the soul of his late wife. Rei is the clone of Gendo’s late wife, hence Gendo’s attention and overall creepy, selfish obsession with her. Asuka and Shinji’s relationship, with Misato as their caretaker strongly mimics a Golden Child and the Second Fiddle. The only difference is, Shinji gains more attention due to Gendo’s and Misato’s respective baggage. Again, Eva is a series where children are forced to handle the baggage (with no break in the cycle) and when the child doesn’t have anything the adult particularly can clue in on, they become neglected.

That’s Asuka’s dilemma.

It’s why Asuka forces herself to grow up.

It’s why Asuka is driven to be competitive to Shinji and Rei, later growing contemptible at both.

Asuka suffers a few curses, one of which being the youngest, the inevitability of being consciously sidelined dawns on her, leading to her selfsame breakdown toward series’ end. She aligns youth with trivialization, so naturally, she’d front with the opposite. She never gets help in relation to her period. Misato and Ritsuko realize something is up with Asuka but they never really offer her the support.

There’s also the flashback to her trauma in episode 22’s beginning. She’s replaced by her mother post-Contact Experiment (which led to a deterioration of her mental health) via a doll that looks like her, red hair in pigtails. It’s the leading factor to her feigned boldness, her ego. The way in which she is marginalized in the series brings it all back.

Rei breaks the silence with a few words of compassion and all Asuka can do is express disbelief. She mistakes compassion for contempt.

For pity.

The idea that anyone would extend kindness, especially now of all times, is unbelievable.

Asuka also experiences a dilemma here, a dilemma those like her face. She already knows what it means to be vulnerable and deeply hurt, but she needs to make herself vulnerable because now, more than ever, she needs the support. Being vulnerable will cause past traumas to flood back in full force, but by stewing she deprives herself of any support. Rei offers that support, but a few words of support in a wave of trivialization can’t help but feel a bit too strange.

Asuka’s greatest anxiety is realized in the twenty second episode. It’s of being and staying second fiddle, that she’s always been set up to fail. Even 2 episodes after the fact,  in which she actually starves herself does she realize once more how she’s permanently ‘below’ others.

Asuka’s curse finds itself in real life, and it’s for that reason why I believe some find themselves resonating with her. Asuka’s gradual descent into bitterness is something I find myself waking up some nights thinking about after 7 years going through Eva; hers is a cautionary tale on being emotionally distant to cries of a damaged youth. Casually imparted knowledge of past achievements, and the competitive attitude mixed with embitterment, some of which from a genuine place but also a product of neglect. We were forced to play second fiddle, we forced ourselves to grow up to feel more legitimate, forced to carry an ire that stews because it seems no one listens.

VIII. Naoko+Casper

The late Naoko Akagi is a woman of multitudes. Those multitudes are compartmentalized into the 3 MAGI. They are Balthasar, Melchior, and Casper.

Casper shows itself to be the most prominent aspect of Naoko’s personality, her as a woman. Ritsuko states that, after the defeat of Iruel, 11th angel, that Casper is the part of her mother which remained that way to the end.

Balthasar and Melchior have been bested, be it by rival MAGI, or Iruel’s assault. This calls back to the fact that Naoko’s other facets aren’t anywhere near as prominent. Naoko has cited her own emotional negligence, of only showing emotions should it ever benefit her.

Casper on 3 occasions fights tooth and nail, Iruel’s assault, an attack by multiple MAGI in End of Evangelion or the defiance of Ritsuko activating the self-destruct sequence. Ritsuko does this to seek vengeance against Gendo for coming to the immense realization that he never genuinely cared for her. Gendo has always used Ritsuko for her body. This would destroy NERV, meaning killing herself and Gendo.

Then you realize why Casper overrides the sequence.

Casper’s stubborn behavior wasn’t actually to defend NERV but to protect Gendo. Casper’s defiance aka Naoko’s emotional absence toward her daughter allowed Gendo to kill a bewildered, rightfully angered Ritsuko.

The saddest part of Casper’s, no, Naoko’s choice is that Naoko got away with murder. Evangelion is a story about children dealing with the selfishness of adults and the adults never receiving justice for their wrongdoings. The relationship between Ritsuko and Naoko is an excellent example that this doesn’t just implicate the young pilots. Ritsuko dies in End of Evangelion with the truth that her mother, as a woman, in the end chose the man who manipulated both of them.

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Some spend their whole lives trying to make a mark. Others can’t help but be known.

People get smart sometimes to get themselves out of a current situation. Kaworu and Rei’s existences are such that they’re deadlocked from living. Their existences are the product of an experiment, to be later heavily watched and raised as the Last Messenger. The latter is the result of Gendo’s obsession with his late wife.

Kaworu and Rei’s existential crises are opposite from the rest of the cast; while others do their damndest to become known, they cannot be unknown. Rei’s character centering more around her identity than other characters is also initially and sneakily alluded in the opening.

The Johari Window is a tool encouraging self-awareness in the person, alluded to twice in the show, with the second time being in the sixteenth episode. Both usages of that illustration, for Rei, and Shinji drive home crucial aspects of the meta-text.

This would also tie Rei to Shinji in End of Evangelion forcing Shinji to reflect on his own awareness and will. Rei is an astute, young girl whose arc is about her personal relationship with identity, something she is all too familiar with due to her objectified nature. Rei’s arc is even more so entrenched in identity than other characters that she is one of the characters imparting personal and universal realities.

Ayanami Rei’s existence from start to finish is inundated with the issues of others, causing her to internalize being always expendable. In Rei’s Poem in episode 14, it becomes clear that she sees herself based on usage. She likens herself to a field of flowers, which slyly alludes to the Dummy System’s “parts” 9 episodes later, other Reis.

  Rei is seen as malleable vessel which houses thoughts rather than her own person and she can’t do anything about it. So she resigns to her reality. Even if she does tell off Gendo in End of Evangelion for his objectifying, she’s not even out of the woods. She never will be.

I used to think Rei’s “slap” to the face to the man with the (most) baggage was empowering. Then I learned about abuse during adolescence, how kids who lack a support system act while away from their abusers. Even saying an emphatic “fuck you” to your abusers isn’t enough to be a happy ending. Rei is a girl who lacks a support system and she suffers from it. Start to finish.

Kaworu’s crises are much trickier to pinpoint because there’s so little to work with. He doesn’t get an episode dealing with personal, subconscious explorations. Getting his character means first getting how Evangelion re-contextualizes what “Ode to Joy” symbolizes. It also means understanding the AT-Field and most people won’t pick that up on an initial foray. Or maybe even a second. Most people don’t pick up that the AT Field implicates anything living and physical or its metaphor for boundaries and identity. There’s the common misconception that Evangelion is a “human” show.

Kaworu marks off his appearance humming “Ode to Joy” while Shinji wonders who to turn to. It’s a song generally known for its jovial nature, but most importantly, Ode to Joy is:

known also as the “Choral” Symphony. Its finale is a musical setting of Friedrich von Schiller ’s “Ode to Joy,” a hymn to the unity and freedom of humanity.

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ninth-symphony

The Choral Symphony assumes a more horrific context later on. Kaworu is the last messenger and what his action is would lead to the mass annihilation to lilin/human or angels. ‘Unity of man’ is changed in Eva’s context – it marks either unity of man or the death of man. It doesn’t matter who Kaworu allows unity to, because his hands would be stained with death anyway. Then you realize why Kaworu deploys his most powerful AT Field during his descent to Heaven’s Door.

This is his reality.

Kaworu’s status as the Angel of Free Will isn’t about him being the only complex angel, as a lot of people think. It’s about being the sole individual handing that freedom to others.

You realize his terrifying dilemma goes to the tune of being feared for his own existence as an angel (which he notes to Shinji) and not being able to properly live.

Sometimes you ”hurt” people by existing.

Sometimes people hate you for the simple act of existing.

Kaworu’s and Rei’s terror is the other end of existential horror, that you can’t help but forced to be known. Sometimes you have knowledge but aren’t allowed to do much with it.

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

Episode 18 is where anxieties graduate into horrors both implied and visceral. Unease hangs over the episode, with the mystery of Unit-04’s disappearance and tests being done on Unit-03. Misato tells Shinji that because tests would be done, there’d be a pilot there. Misato uneasily withholds this info from Shinji and Kensuke breaks the silence with his recurring desire of being a pilot, still ignorant of the war horrors. There’s a subtlety that Shinji picks up on with Toji but not enough to put two and two together: that the big-eater himself isn’t feeling so hot.

The continual chirp of cicadas and birds nor the peel of the school bell are enough to break the unease of the viewer or of Toji. Toji goes from indirectly being affected by war vs angels to being chosen, drafted even, a child at the first line of defense for the apocalypse. We get a flashback of him beating down Shinji, before it cuts back to present day Toji. He will be in Shinji’s shoes.

Toji balls a fist, a recurring theme in Eva, to the tune of “What is your hand for?” Toji is finally  about to take things into his own hands.

Asuka takes a few cracks at Shinji to Hikari that he hasn’t quite gotten the memo, but when Shinji asks her even she’s halted in words.

Then the day comes.

Tests are being done and suddenly Unit-03 goes  rogue with Toji in her (note the Evangelions have the souls of the pilots’ mothers, save for Rei). Unit-03’s’s strange behavior is revealed to be the work of the 13th angel, Bardiel. Shinji’s ignorance is made worse by Misato’s absence (with Misato telling Ritsuko she’d tell Shinji the pilot’s info after the tests). Units 00 through 02 are sent out for the new threat and Shinji sees this new threat. Anxiety rises.

The song “Marking Time Waiting for Death” accentuates the anxiety. Unit-03’s silhouette eerily contrasts with the sun, her body slightly hunched and approaching slowly.

Fear washes over Shinji when he deduces that with an Evangelion inside, there must be a pilot.

Yet he still doesn’t know.

The other pilots are aware, and show reluctance to the revelation. A hijacked Unit-03 sets herself on Asuka, Rei, and even strangling Shinji. Shinji allows the angel-hijacked-being to strangle him, because killing another human being is simply horrific.

 Eva has its hand in the war morals cookie jar here because Shinji stands at a conundrum, to other let this creature take his life or to murder flesh and blood. This dilemma goes double-time in war. Gendo asks why Shinji hasn’t dealt with the 13th yet, with a somewhat horrified Shinji pleading  about the pilot. Gendo commands for the unfinished Dummy System to override Shinji’s controls and then suddenly...silence….

The Dummy Controlled Unit-01 springs back and we’re treated to a close-up of Unit-03/Bardi3l being strangled. 

A nauseating crunch sounds and the unit goes limp. A controlled Unit-01 proceeds to raise hell on the incapacitated enemy, resulting in the unit’s blood and guts flowing through the streets. NERV’s personnel can’t do anything save for become fearful at the Dummy System’s capabilities. Terrible, visceral noises sound one by one as blows strike, as the unit’s severed limbs and blood splatters riddle the urban battlefield. Shinji hears every second, every squelch and splat.

Imagine the pain of 03’s pilot.

But the terrors don’t cease here. 

01 doesn’t stop at just raising hell on the incapacitated 03, and we’re treated to another close-up shot of 01 tightly holding onto 03’s entry plug, before crushing it.

Somewhere away, Misato receives news that Unit-03 has been dispatched as an angel. Shinji feels the weight of having actually killed someone, before Misato actually breaks the news that the pilot is not only alive but that the greatly injured pilot is his classmate.

It never really hit me until now how this scene holds another horrifying subtlety. Compare this to episode 3, where Toji’s first interaction with Shinji involved him punching him, the very scene playing at this episode’s beginning. The 18th episode ends now with ,Toji and Shinji are both joined in the same camp, of children emotionally and physically marred by war, not able to fully control their situations.

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Sequence

Shinji stands in a situation where he can no longer take the terrors aligned with the Evangelion. He’s gone from sustaining injuries great and small from combat with the eldritch angels, to indirectly harming a friend through it. He resigns from his position as a pilot, understandably running away even with the approach of the 14th angel.

After a talk with Kaji about how he can control his future and he only, Shinji once again puts himself at the forefront of further pains. He must once more thrust himself to the terrors that align with the war-machines whilst struggling with other traumas.

During his fight against Zeruel, his Evangelion dies out and it all floods back to him. Shinji once again finds himself at a position of no power, frantically pressing at his controls to no avail.

He can only hear blow after blow of the 14th’s onslaught. He and Unit-01 are at their most vulnerable.

Until Unit-01 springs back.

W hat follows is the famous Berserk sequence, a scene whose terror can be thanks to Evangelion’s low budget.

We see the Evangelion in all her terror and the sort of off-ness that carries in this scene.

Episode 19 has no problems on treating us to front-row tickets to terror.

Unit-01 snatches part of Zeruel’s appendage and adds it to her mass. A sickening squelch sounds and her new appendage contorts into place in an instant. 

She moves over to her incapacitated, angelic meal and doesn’t hesitate to chow down. The shots feel too personal yet nowhere near in the sense of the show’s meta-textual reflections. It’s almost like stumbling on a cryptid and when she shoots a look at the viewer, it feels as if she’s looking at us, like we’ve interrupted her dinner. Or perhaps she did finish the meal... and she’s in the mood for seconds? Perhaps even thirds?

The bizarre and eldritch nature of the Evangelions goes full force with this imagery. Episodes 2 and 16 laid the foundation of how off the Evangelion Unit-01 was with how she openly mutilates her targets. Or even the unsettling roar of Unit-01 that’s not entirely bestial. The sound is straddles a line between the blood-curdling bestial and the human. But here? Eva Unit-01’s position, from her hunched figure, to her more feral position as she feasts, feels far too organic...and far too human.

The Evas themselves aren’t human, but the souls housed within are. Eva’s souls are souls of the respective pilots’ mothers, an example of the mother and child symbolism omnipresent in Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Shinji’s mother is Yui and as we go through the series, we realize the s2 engine appliance was intentional. An s2 engine offers infinite stores of energy and this is needed for Instrumentality. With the s2 engine within her grasp and the fact that Evas don’t subsist on anything, this would make the consumption of 14th completely recreational.

It’s super tempting to frame this scene as containing some abomination that now stands unchained and indiscriminate in its targets, but it isn’t. It’s sort of understandable because Units 00 and 02 don’t come close to exhibiting this sort of behavior nor were they in this circumstance. Neither Unit-00 nor 02  have any desires in regard to Instrumentality. In the end, we should look to Yui and her own endgame, because Yui’s running the show here.

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

Ritsuko states the Dummy Plugs are machines which imitate pilot’s thinking. There’s a bit more than the possibility of this being 100% AI due to the apparatus Rei is in.

This very likely implies the respective person’s thought processes added with AI programmed in a way which best “describes” the pilot (basically how they are perceived). In episode 17, Rei is situated in this apparatus strongly resembling the central nervous system, the brain and the spinal cord.

{The central nervous system CNS is responsible for integrating sensory information and responding accordingly. It consists of two main components:

1. The spinal cord serves as a conduit for signals between the brain and the rest of the body. It also controls simple musculoskeletal reflexes without input from the brain.

2. The brain is responsible for integrating most sensory information and coordinating body function, both consciously and unconsciously. Complex functions such as thinking and feeling as well as regulation of homeostasis are attributable to different parts of the brain.

https://mcb.berkeley.edu/courses/mcb135e/central.html

Ritsuko imparts the unsettling revelation about Rei and by extension the Dummy Plant itself (after Misato coerced her into learning about Rei). The Reis are the core of the Dummy Plugs (and the System used to brutalize a hijacked Unit-03 and its trapped pilot). This scene adds more to the extent of Rei’s objectification, of her being replaced. It adds on to Rei III’s comment of being ‘the third.’

Rei isn’t savage by any means but the sheer brutality of Dummy System’d Unit-01 5 episodes prior may hint at her straightforward nature.

I’d like to pitch that Ritsuko’s approach to Rei’s Dummy Data was also the product of her subtle animosity toward Rei. When she refers to the Dummy Plug as a machine which mimics human thinking, she’s talking about Rei. She also refers to her similarly in episode 23 by referring to Rei as spare parts, as if Rei herself is some soulless machine whose parts can be switched out if need be. This could also call back to Rei’s poem, in which she calls herself a vessel which holds human thoughts.

Another question remains: how does Kaworu play into this?

The MPEs (the Mass Production Evangelion series) use Kaworu’s Dummy data, meaning that there are cloned Kaworus stored off somewhere, perhaps floating with soulless smiles the same as Rei has.

Treated as spare parts.

This also implies that Kaworu is more or less reduced to an object.

What’s more disturbing is the nature of the MPEs gratuitous method of ravaging and mutilating Unit-02 and by extension Asuka.

Kaworu hasn’t ever demonstrated any degree of malice, so this can’t really insinuate a ‘Kaworu is secretly evil’ narrative. But this can tie back to a recurring theme of humans fearing and despising angels. It’s because of this that the revelation of our genetically identical nature or the fact that they can comprehend our psychology is framed in-show as kind of shocking. It is because we’re so disturbed at the angels’ existence (or anything else we don’t comprehend) that we view them as inherently savage in nature. Kaworu’s quick-to-perceive personality most likely translated itself along with the AI. This would also rule in the somewhat strategic way in which the MPEs act against Asuka, exploiting her attack patterns through surprise attacks.

Some of Kaworu’s as well as Rei’s Dummy Data are the product of universal (Kaworu) and personal (Rei) contempt by people. Let that sink in.

XIII. Kaworu’s + Adam’s True Power

The bottom of the fridge horror portion of this iceberg is something that has subtly plagued me for years. We’ve only ever caught glimpses of Kaworu’s abilities in his debut episode. I picked up on it little by little with each re-watch of the episode, with every other time his abilities dawning on me. If I wasn’t focusing on how his character fits in the greater framework of Evangelion, I was cluing in on his abilities.

One of his abilities is being able to block out light, magnetism, and subatomic particles. Some of the forces which make up the universe. This witnessed by the viewer when he realizes the whole of humanity’s welfare hangs by a thread, due to the coexistence of angels and Adam.

Adam.

Adam’s soul lies within Kaworu. Adam. Who utilized an Anti-AT Field which caused Second Impact. An Anti-AT Field, which killed off much of the Katsuragi Crew in Antarctica.

This makes Kaworu the most powerful angel in the original Evangelion series.

Eva has shown that ownership of an angel’s soul (or partially, if you’re onboard the Rei I is in Unit-00 theory) allows the person to inherit the angel’s abilities through Rei. Rei blocks off Kaworu’s immensely powerful field with one of her own, canceling out both as a result. As we know, AT Fields for people are a figurative affair. People lack the physiology to exhibit a physical AT Field because they don’t have cores like angels do. Angels’ souls when possessed by humans have a sort of ability to circumvent parts of human physiology (if you’re looking for the whole package, you should eat angel’s flesh too). Rei also shows the ability to float, implied in episode 24 and shown explicitly in End of Evangelion.

But this raises a few questions about the last messenger is the ability to block out some of the forces of the universe Adam’s powers or Kaworu’s? Another ability that continues to plague me the more I think about it is Kaworu’s AT-Field usage on Heaven’s Door to bypass its lock.

We haven’t actually seen Adam’s other powers (if the angel has any) because the it’s anti-AT Field was halted via Lance of Longinus. Other than its ethereal appearance in flashbacks, we only see an incapacitated Adam in embryonic form. That’s it. We don’t know if Adam exhibits any other powers due to this impediment. If Adam does have more powers, this would add onto both the fridge horror factor of Adam and Kaworu.

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

There’s something that implicates the whole cast. Something that goes beyond the meaning of the AT-Field, and the all-too-known Hedgehog’s Dilemma.

Eva is filled to the very brim with psychological concepts, but there’s one thing which ties this all together. It goes much larger than the desire to become validated or cycles of abuse and unresolved issues to a newer generation.

Free Will Vs. Determinism ties the entire cast together and is disturbing in its own right. It not only ties the cast together but also contributes to Eva’s meta-narrative.

Episode 16’s sequence with Leliel, Shinji, and the Johari Window gives little breadcrumbs to this psychological dilemma.  Leliel teaches Shinji about his own identity as well as slowly ushering him to a sense of self-awareness. Leliel also attempts to usher Shinji out of filtering reality with only convenient parts. Shinji argues that he can’t really be held culpable for his actions, because the one and only reality is that reality is awful, bar none. Not his reality, but reality as a whole. This deterministic stance becomes ever more blatant 8 episodes later with the appearance of Nagisa Kaworu.

Kaworu’s designation is the angel of free will. The irony of this stands in the fact that Kaworu isn’t the only angel who can exhibit free will (with some of the angels before him taking the time to try comprehending people). Kaworu’s status comes from his identity as the last messenger, bringing about freedom for one species (humans/lilin or angels) at the expense of the other. Kaworu knows his reality well and in the end, seeks to better the reality of those around him. Eva doesn’t romanticize the prospect of free will, however, because Kaworu is so aware of his own person and how he can hurt those around him that it greatly bothers him.

The metatext doesn’t just position Shinji as being in the wrong, but also the audience. Remember the point I made before about Shinji being the audience substitute? It’s further hammered home from the series’ tail end and into End of Evangelion.

“That’s just the way things are.” is a common response to things in life we feel resigned on changing, because we don’t know how to change them. This quote is a parallel to Shinji’s “humans aren’t made to float!” in episode 16.

Shinji does know how to change much of his reality, but by doing so he’d be pushed into free will. Free Will is the solution and it means holding yourself accountable rather than believe that it’s everyone else with the problem. With the idea that you can change your reality, it offers you the opportunity to love yourself.

If you love yourself, then it becomes much easier to love others.

Eva’s free will and determinism metatext hammers home the extension of empathy.

Shinji/the viewer’s greatest problem is that because we don’t love ourselves it makes it difficult to extend the love to everyone else. Shinji’s love translates as idealism. Because of his unhealthy idealism, he is hindered from understanding people.

By ascribing your beliefs from determinism to free will, it opens your mind to an entire world of possibilities, but therein lies the terror. It is because of these possibilities that Shinji and by extension, the viewer, likely fears free will. Shinji finds ways make himself validated, but with free will, the argument could be made that it doesn’t matter. There’s the anxiety-crippling likelihood that none of it actually matters, because your existence doesn’t matter. If we’re going on this bent, acts of making an adequate impression on others are acts of personal denial. In the end, these are what they are, possibilities.

The greatest terror of it all is that we don’t know.

User power-chords makes an excellent point about the inherent darkness of an internal locus of control.

User power-chords posits the idea of existential absurdity for Shinji not as a certainty but a possibility. There’s always a likelihood that our desires to comprehend the world around us, to find ultimate understanding are in vain.

Cheesy as it sounds, people fear ambiguity because we seek a satisfying end. We don’t just seek answers. We want outside closure and inner peace, but we won’t always get it. It’s why we rationalize relationships that end on bad notes. Sometimes you worry about your falling-outs...and it hurts. You never got the answers your wanted so this pain carries, for months, sometimes even for years. Dwelling on the issue serves no purpose other than to keep that hurt with you. The best thing to do sometimes is to find your own closure, your own meaning.

No, Evangelion isn’t actually pro-nihilism, but it presents us with that likelihood. That’s what makes this aspect of the narrative so terrifying: The consideration that we find meaning in the meaningless.

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

The nature of injuries and having them in adds onto the innate horror --be it war or otherwise-- and themes of the Evangelion. The severity of the injury is based on how high the pilot’s sync ratio is. An average rate while sustaining damage will bring hurt to the actual pilot in the respective spot. Some examples:

Sachiel makes multiple headblows to Unit-01 and Shinji in episode 2, causing head trauma.

Ramiel’s, (5th angel), particle beam attack in episode 6, an attack so severe that Shinji needed medical care.

Unit-00 and Rei being infected by a Bardiel hijacked Unit-03 in episode 18. Toji’s condition in episode 18 stands as a large example of the innately disturbing nature of sustained injuries.

Toji’s condition becomes all the more nauseating when you see Evangelion parts and blood flow through Tokyo-3.

Toji could feel every last second of strangulation, body blow, and feel the unspeakable pain of his arm being severed.  Let that sink in.

Asuka receives the worst of these considering the nature of her sync rate being high. The higher the rate the more kept the damage is. The circumstances behind Asuka getting the worst of it goes back to the AT-Field. Asuka understood the meaning of the AT-Field, that the more you open yourself up to others, the more hurt you become. The realization dawns on Asuka as her mother from within the Evangelion shields her from the onslaught of JSSDF troops.

It’s then that Asuka finally comprehends what the Absolute Terror Field is. Despite her emotional needs being neglected, realizing she’s set up to fail, and going comatose she still goes on.

Asuka, despite everything, takes a chance and opens her heart knowing the double-edged nature of the AT Field. What happens next?

Asuka took a chance.

She opened her heart...

...and she got hurt all because she opened herself.

XVI. Unit 01+MPE Gorging Sequences

The brutality of both Unit-01 and the Mass Production Evas holds three layers: of visual horror, implied horror, and thematic horror. Unit-01, after taking Zeruel’s s2 engine into herself, proceeds to then brutalize the 14th angel by way of still gorging on it. The feeding was entirely recreational considering Evangelions don’t subsist on food to function. This was more about the sheer act of brutality for brutality’ sake.

The Mass Production Evas also fall under this category, the way in which they deal with Asuka after incapacitating her with a replicated Lance of Longinus is also sadistic and gratuitous. They also proceed to gorge on Asuka, her fate made worse through the simple fact that her sync rate is heightened.

The MPEs don’t even swiftly finish her off.  She is in a state of tremendous and unimaginable pain. They fly above her slowly, circling above her mangled Eva.

They are almost mocking her as she can do nothing, save for writhe. Asuka’s seething, repeated “I’ll kill you...I’ll kill you….” is then silenced by the MPEs spearing her down.

The brutality doesn’t end there, as we see much darker implications of the damage sustained toward the end of the first half of End of Evangelion.

Shinji bears witness to the implications after seeing the decimated remains of Unit-02 being carried off by some of the Mass Production Units. The sickening reality of it all dawns on him and he is once more exposed to the woes of war and the nightmarish aspect tied of the Evangelions.

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arqa

We’re ending the pre-abyssal end of the iceberg with Evangelion’s original proposal.

Eva’s proposal, a far cry to the show today, had a more sci-fi angle to it. Psychological concepts weren’t exactly pitched nor was it self-aware. The angels weren’t even referred to as the angels, but as the Apostolos. Instead of the 18 we were presented with in the original show and the movies, there were 28 Apostolos.

The Apostolos designs stand as testament to how far of a departure the proposal was to the final cut. They look far more menacing than the more amorphous, much softer defined, beady-eyed angels we’re used to. To top it all off, the Apostolos were the de facto villains of Evangelion’s prototype pitch. The Apostolos in the Proposal, toward the end, proceed their onslaught as a group rather than the series’ one by one. Toward the series’ end, the 12 strongest Apostolos begin their assault on North America, annihilating the continent in its entirety.

Only 12 of the creatures laid waste to a singular continent.

Episode 24: "Now, the Promised Time"

Rei breaks down. Her secrets are revealed. At last awakened, the twelve strongest Apostolos descend from the Moon. Both Eva Unit-06 and the American continent vanish completely. Humans acknowledge their helplessness in the face of the Apostolos' crushing power. The promised time, when people will return to nothing, approaches. A human drama in the depths of despair.

Episode 25: "Arqa, the Promised Land"

The laboratory holds the ancient ruins of Arqa, which have become key. In order to stop the twelve Apostolos, the United Nations' head members annul the Human Instrumentality Project and resolve to destroy the Apostolos. Shinji's father objects. Shinji and the others stay at the laboratory for Rei. A drama of people conflicting over incongruous objectives.

https://wiki.evageeks.org/Resources:Neon_Genesis_Evangelion_Proposal_(Translation)

The aforesaid creatures were so powerful in the original pitch that Human Instrumentality and the ancient ruins of Arqa would be the way of stopping the onslaught.

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

As the last and most explicit aspect of original Evangelion, it would only make sense that EoE specific content would take its place in Tier 5. End of Evangelion is a 90 + minute tour de force with disturbing imagery back-to-back. Split Second Misato Death refers to one of the most unsettling images sprinkled all throughout the movie. Here are a few of the many examples of EoE’s building up on Evangelion’s ugliest parts.

Everyone cites the infamous hospital scene not even 5 minutes into the film as the first proof, but user power-chords has pointed out, Shinji has actually attempted suicide (refer to the ‘Free Will v. Determinism’ part of the iceberg.)

After Misato is mortally wounded and sends Shinji off in an elevator not long after, the JSSDF blow up that part of NERV. A few people have pointed out the most disturbing facet of this scene: through freeze-framing that you can actually see Misato’s body during.

The JSSDF scene partway through End of Evangelion in which NERV personnel are summarily annihilated.

For those missing the small detail of Shinji’s attempted suicide ,Shinji’s depressed state is made more clear when the JSSDF locate him. When they do they attempt to kill him execution style. Shinji doesn’t move.

“I don’t want to die…!” during the JSSDF’s assault, Asuka is awoken from comatose state. She is protected by her mother via an AT-Field by Unit-02. She gains back her self-preservation after this realization, and multitude of images play. One of them is an extremely gruesome close-up of Asuka’s face. (extreme body horror warning, proceed with caution)

The Komm Susser Tod scene beginning with Shinji strangling Asuka in harsh coloring, Naoko’s same action toward Rei plays right after. A few disturbing child drawings follow after, predominantly featuring death. (seizure warning, body horror warning)

End of Evangelion’s flooring nature comes from the fact that it builds up on the subtly horrific and makes these terrors explicit. Whatever existed beyond closed doors becomes now available for us to see,

XVIII. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

At the penultimate point of the abyss lies a horror as old as much of time. Of the humane being more disgusting than the monsters.

That we can be monstrous.

This fact becomes known with the appearance of the JSSDF as dispatched by SEELE, methodically mowing down NERV personnel with little to no weaponry of their own. We’re treated to NERV’s personnel in their hallways, some forced with the moral dilemma of leaving their own to die while surviving or helping their own while both end up being gunned down. 

It becomes apparent that SEELE has been gradually, intentionally chipping away at NERV’s Defense Budget, getting rid of the (little) competition they have after the defeat of the Last Messenger.

There’s a degree of contempt and casual sadism that comes with how they kill the personnel. In one instance, a NERV worker surrenders to the JSSDF, before being killed off in execution style in the distance (one headshot plus two extra shots for good measure).

When you look back at it, this sort of sheer, unabashed brutality wasn’t felt about the angels. Human attitude about the angels is largely fearing, anxious. This attitude accentuated itself through a sometimes nervous soundscape. Of observing these weird, ghastly creatures as they creep and swim. And the feeling’s mutual. The problem is that we don’t know.

But here? We do know.

When the JSSDF move in, the anxiety of angels graduates to the full-force dread of creatures that have killed before. The greatest enemy to humanity has always been with them all along, forcing them to a catch-22. The dread falls on Maya because she understands this perfectly. NERV has only ever shot at targets rather than living flesh…

...and SEELE knows this.

SEELE’s slow, but sure suppression of NERV’s budget is kicking a man while he’s down, but the man in question is a child instead. The JSSDF have more than enough firepower, calling it overkill goes beyond an understatement.

The JSSDF demonstrate the lack of remorse further with the discovery of Third Child, Shinji Ikari. One of the members presses the barrel to Shinji’s head before Misato steps in and kills the members.

The JSSDF isn’t the only damning evidence of how ugly members of humanity can be, however.

Humanity’s on-occasion grossness shows itself in small ways throughout the series, in dislike and conscious emotional distance for individuals, or beliefs of the angels being unintelligent and/or savage. Other times it manifests fiscally, in orchestrating more ethical approaches to stopping certain destruction to go seemingly haywire in order for NERV to receive more funding. This all due to a rival company of NERV challenging the very idea for its usage of child soldiers.

The worst of this damning fact is that many of the morally repugnant members exist on a higher echelon of society. There are Gendos running around, doing as they so please and they’re the tip of their echelon iceberg.

XIX. The Ultimate Paradox of Evangelion

“Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live.”

We’re treated to these words as Shinji finds himself on shores surrounded by an isolate hellscape, with Asuka next to him. The strange and altogether horrific nature of End of Evangelion has gotten fans  believing on End of Evangelion’s endgame was in certain, nihilistic. But Eva dipping its hand in the likelihood of meaning in the existentially meaningless isn’t even the ultimate terror of Eva’s self-aware universe, nor is it the tendency for man to become contemptible towards itself.

Evangelion greatest terror is the paradoxical nature of free will.

Yui’s words to her son as she drifts off into the ever-expanding cosmos, her status as a deity realized, is that paradise is universal. EoE assumes this unconventionally positive approach to a whole series worth of characters’ woes. The issue is: finding paradise is ultimately conditional.

Free Will’s paradoxical nature is what gives credence to the ongoing Free Will vs. Determinism dilemma. People can use their free will to take away yours entirely and this is most evident with Rei. Her existence is the result of a man’s unhealthy attachment to his wife, her lack of self-preservation the result of being conditioned as a multi-purpose vessel; her desire to merge with Lilith to become an omnipresent mother-figure was not hers. The nature of disallowing free will exists on a spectrum, as people can use their free will not to take away the whole of others’ freedoms, but to disallow them proper emotional growth. The adults around Asuka weren’t around for her during the series, leading to her eventual downfall.

Unit-01, throughout much of the second part of EoE holds the power to give or deny people’s physicality due to her status of having both Fruits of Life (the s2 engine held by angels) and Wisdom (from the Lance of Longinus merged with the Eva earlier on). This gives Unit-01 her deity status and while within Lilith-Rei, Shinji realizes that not everyone would be there in his life, that he can’t be in the center of others’ lives. It’s for that reason why he denies people’s physicality (“They can all just die.”), which turns people into LCL.

Shinji gives allows people the ability to come back from Instrumentality after realization arises that without other people, there’s no way to tell if Shinji, himself exists or not. Kaworu and Rei also give him the reality that with people back, pain will become an inevitability once more. With all the souls gathered by Lilith-Rei, they are released after her death.

With the souls of those cast into Instrumentality dispersed, those turned into LCL now hold the ability to come back from Instrumentality if they so choose.

While the idea of anywhere being paradise rings true, it’s not entirely satisfying to say that EoE is unconventional in its uplifting message to the viewer. Evangelion is at its core a cautionary tale. It warns the viewer into extensions of empathy and openness that others would properly live. This goes double for those with power. Without that compassion, we’ll have Asukas, Misatos, Ristukos, as well as Reis, those in the world whose downfalls come from emotional absences, neglect, objectification, and forced baggage. We would have Shinjis, those wanting to be at the nexus of others’ importance because they were deprived while young.

Kindness is a powerful thing and the lack of compassion present in all of Eva implicates most everyone. It leads to yet more abusive cycles, with the only thing breaking that cycle being a hand for those in need.

XX. Conclusion

What more can be said over this juggernaut which is a host to a bevvy of darkness? Evangelion is testament that anxieties and horror don’t need to start out as blatantly shocking or visceral to make an impact years down the line. They also don’t need to be out in the open to initially hook you either. You pick up on a few anxieties as well as horrors and you realize deep down, there must be more, which drives many of us to engage in this often times unabashedly dark source material.

Some of us are doing it later in the throes of adolescences, others are doing so well into their 20s, possibly dipping into their 30s. Point is, it draws in a lot of us and for a lot of us, it doesn’t ever let go.

Some of its charm could be chalked to the visceral ways in which characters interact. Even after years of re-watches, I’m still learning new things about the child soldiers, and I’m quite sure there’s others finding small details. There’s also the possibility of Eva’s approach to terror. I think Evangelion “humanized” its horror. It didn’t make horror a universally human feeling, but made it so that the true big bads looking to cause apocalypse weren’t actually the eldritch. Many of the angels are more or less lost kids looking for their mother (I still think Ramiel’s “singing” in episode 5 was it calling for its mother!).

With those newer details after 20+ years, there will be more added to the iceberg. Hell, there should be more added to the iceberg. This iceberg is the tip of an even greater iceberg. I’m still learning about their adults and their desires as well, how cyclical their actions are. For others, the draw-in factor lies in its low budget. Personally, it’s all of these for me: the low budget helped cement these darker aspects of the series due to horror and the genre’s overall relationship with limitation. It works best on limitation and had Eva worked with a much higher budget, I don’t think the content would be as effective, or perhaps it’d be much more difficult to make it so.

Evangelion is such a well-done, deceptively compact series that each lens a fan assumes has its own interesting rabbit hole. Your circumstance shapes the experience, and this too involves how you navigate the series’ menagerie of terrors.

I’d also like to thank the reader for getting through the largest rabbit hole in Evangelion. I’d also like to thank you for getting through the whole of this meta from a fan who slowly began to resonate with the characters as the years went on!

[tonberry-yoda]

hello may I request a romantic matchup for final fantasy vii?

my pronouns are they/them and I don't have a preference for the gender of my match^^

my mbti is intp. I'm a very shy and reserved person in public, I try not to cause too much attention but also express myself openly. I suffer from anxiety ( I don't take meds or anything so I'm usually on edge) and overthink about people/other things. If you get to know me, im a huge extrovert and cheerful person. I love making jokes and laughing <3 I'm airheaded and clumsy. I'm a very random person too, more eccentric for sure. I do the most offwall things because I'm bored ( like jumping off things or asking off-putting questions). I love talking! About anything I'm hyperfixated on atm ( as in old interests or new ones!) and I can go on for hours . I'm pretty childish, but mature and mother like when I need to be. I love physical affection (even tho I say I hate it) anything like hugs is nice for me! I'm a caring person and mostly a listener. Very sassy (which people say it's "cute" from me) and sarcastic, with a whole lot of blunt. I'm a flirt too, but anything flirty from someone else gets me shy. I get very bad mood swings and it is causing trouble for me to make friends or keep them, since I'll just isolate myself from them- I also have insecurities regarding my looks (particularly my body) so I get v sour when I think about that. Alot of the times you can tell when I'm in a mood bc I get quiet. Anyway I'm a lazy, procrastinater and plainn lmao.

I love playing the piano, anime/manga, true crime (i rlly wanna be a forensic scientist), horror/gore, sanrio, videogames (i'm ur classic gamer, mt dew and doritios), oversized clothings

I dislike insects, hot weather, exercise, any bright neon colors,crowds/parties, people telling me what to do , injustice , and mornings

my music taste consists of everything (exepct country or rap music) so like Deftones,Slipknot,Korn,Ethel cain, lana del ray, HIM, tyler the creator, any vocaloid or anime songs (specially nightcore) or i love video game music

as for my fashion i dress very alternative (ihaveaseptum), kind of like a pinterest board but mostly black or like chainsaw man (power style lol). I'm a big metal head so band t'shirts or recently scene emo is my favorite

hi there! you are my first person to request from any final fantasy games and I am so over the moon about it!! i didnt know how many people actually enjoyed the series on here or wanted writing from it so thank you!!! <333 i have the perfect character for you!

the character I chose for you is...

AERITH!!!

now consider

your more dark style contrasted with her more bright style

i think it'll work beautifully

she helps calm your anxiety and truly does love you

she laughs at all your jokes and will definitely bring out that cheerier side of you when she's around

she will answer all of your weird questions honestly and surprise you by asking one too lmaooo

she will listen to you talk for hours

loves to hear what you're passionate about

you and her are both very similar by being childish and mature at the same time and you both annoy Cloud because of it lmfaoooo

you'll flirt with each other, but get flustered when it's the other person's turn lmfao

play the piano for her

she loves the piano

supports you in your dream to become a forensic scientist, thinks it's amazing that you want to do that

she will sit on your lap and hug you while you play videogames

is a literal sanrio character, so you're all good (she will buy you hello kitty merch tho frrr)

you and her both beg Cloud to be the one to kill any bug in the house lmfaooooo

lots of cuddling and just being by each other's side in your perfect little contrast :)

~~~~~

matchup rules --- pinned post

@tonberry-yoda