#Any mental health professional worth anything knows this

[softness-and-shattering]

Thats a good point, I see all kinds of neurodivergence in my family but only a couple of us in my generation, afaik, have a diagnosis.

However, my gp attended a recent talk about overlap of queer folk with neurodivergence and also a group of comorbid illnesses including, iirc, POTS/MCAS/EDS/CFS theres a couple others Im just blanking. Digestive issues? Things that we've broadly noticed as a community, and it seems like its starting to be studied.

And also, everyone has some kind of trauma, idk how many people if any have no kind of disability whatsoever, humanity is vast and diverse. And we're wired to look for patterns. Interpret this information how you will, I certainly cant say for sure if these patterns are broader than trans people, or are more people trans than we expect, are we seeing correlation or causation or is there a mechanism in common with all these labels thats the deeper cause, is queerness an interchangeable/'sometimes' factor or a central one, we are way too early to know that yet.

I think its probably not nothing. But we're also not uniquely fucked up. Maybe we're just sticking out, so to speak, so thats where the research is starting. Many people werent taking ME/CFS seriously until long covid prompted more research bc, iirc, there was now a lot more people affected who were harder to ignore. And who were seeking help. Like a lot of people have an allergy or a dodgy wrist or "that weird thing with my digestion" and they dont consider it a disability or seek treatment, yknow? And especially mental health and especially what runs in families, it looks normal to you so why would you ever bring it up to a dr? "Everyone struggles with these things. Everyone feels this way" well you do and your parents and aunts and uncles do and your siblings do, and maybe you told a dr forty years ago you were in pain and they brushed you off so you thought everyone was walking around in agony.

And that gets into an adjacent conversation about medicalising and diagnosing and when does that help and when is it like, making a negative thing of normal human experiences and variations, its not a disorder till its negatively impacting your life, if youre surviving but treatment could help you thrive is it worth the side effects etc etc plus the whole discussion of psychiatry in particular which can be an amount of guesswork and diagnostic labels are often just patterns of symptoms that we see oftrn go together and we dont always yet understand the underlying neurology. (One of my all time best therapists kept up with the latest neuroscience and always had very good and effective suggestions. I only stopped seeing her bc I moved away. If you can be seeing professionals who are keeping up with research, definitely prefer them over someone who hasnt learned anything since they completed training 50 years ago. Always.)

Tl;dr I agree with OP and also this stuff is extremely complex and we're always learning new things about us!

something that should be taken with a grain of salt are the statistics talking about the high rates of mental illness + neurodivergence among trans people (ocd, bpd, adhd, autism, etc)

I see both sides of the political spectrum taking these studies at face value - conservatives say we're broken, and trans people try to come up with reasons why for example autism + gender dysphoria makes sense and why one of them feeds into another

at the end of the day you have to remember that we're the one category of people on this planet who are legally required to go see a psychiatrist in order to receive non-psychiatric medication and surgeries.

more trans people are in therapy by law than any other demographic of people, and as a result, this captures more comorbidities.

if I had to look at my own family & rates of mental illness?

mom, dad, 2 maternal aunts, maternal grandmother, paternal grandmother, sister, sibling, and me all have OCD.

7/9 of them are cishet, never been to therapy, never diagnosed. 2/9 are trans, required therapy for hormone treatment, and were diagnosed.

you don't have to do any math to just see that the resulting statistics end up intensely skewed.

and we can think back to how autism was virtually never diagnosed more than 50 years ago - ruling out any grandparents being included in statistics - and even my parents' generation (they're in their 60s now) wouldn't have been included either.

I don't think it's to anyone's benefit to accept these studies uncritically. a lot of these things are hereditary and far more prevalent in the overall population than people realize

[sarahdogoc80]

Lily Orchard V. Eminem 2

Loech: I totally have a degree in phycology but at the same time I don't understand addiction. Now let me take my codeine and Adderall together. But let me tell everyone it's actually oxycodone because that's a strong pain medicine they give out for only the worse pain. It will make it more believable I'm in alot of pain if I say I take a drug my country doesn't give out often and hasn't since 2011. I'm totally not speedballing stalkers. I'm totally sober.

Eminem: "Sometimes I feel so alone. I just don't know, feels like I've been down this road before. So lonely and cold. It's likes something takes over me as soon as I go home and close the door. Kinda feels like deja Vu. I want to get away from this place I do. But I can't, and I won't. Say I try, but I know that a lie. Cause I don't and why? I just don't know."

"... Couple of weeks go by it's ain't even like I'm getting high. Now I just need it to not feel sick. Yeah I'm getting by. Wouldn't even be taking this shit if DeShaun didn't die. Oh yeah there is an excuse you loose Proof so you use. There is new rules it's cool if it's helping you get through. It's 12 noon ain't no harm in inducing a snooze. What else is new. Fuck it what would Elvis do in your shoes. Now here I am 3 months later full blown relapse. [The voice in the back of his head-] "Just get high till the kids get home from school. Homes relax." " And since I'm convinced I'm an insomniac. I need these pills to be able to sleep. So I take three naps just to be able to function throughout the day."

...." Or the Hydrocodone you hide inside your prono. Your VCR tape cases.... Great places to hide them ain't it. So you can lie to Hailey...."

Yes Lily Orchard he is total mental stable and has no problems in his life. He totally choice to be an addict. He clearly doesn't care about his daughter or feel guilty about hiding his addiction. His mental state also wasn't permitly altered by his addiction either./s You lying heartless bitch.

You should really listen to the song as it is a really good telling of how addiction alters your mind. I just took the best snip it to stick it to this lying bitch and her doormat wife.

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.

I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.

Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.

I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.

[beekeeperspicnic]

Advanced warning that this made me cry when I thought about it, and then I shared it with friends and it made them cry too, but I think it's ultimately a nice thought so I want to share it. Sorry if it gives you the sniffles.

I'm always cautious when it comes to parasocial relationships - with actors I don't actually want to know the ins and outs of their lives, they are strangers to me and that's how it should be.

But like a lot of Sherlock Holmes fans I've ended up becoming a Jeremy Brett fan to some extent, because first you love his performance, then you find out the sheer dedication he put into that role, and then you find out how he did so while coping with significant mental and physical health problems, and then you hear story after story which suggests he was a lovely man whose mind seemed to put barrier after barrier in the way of him getting to experience the full extent of the joy he put out into the world. And I think a lot of us identify with that.

There's a quote from "The Jeremy Brett - Linda Pritchard story" floating around on Tumblr where Pritchard describes how one thing which really bothered him at the end of his life was that he couldn't give any more performances for his fans. Apparently hearing that the Sherlock Holmes series was on video (something he hadn't considered because he didn't own a video player), and his fans could watch him over and over again, made him happy.

And of course, my first thought when I heard that is I think he'd be so happy to know we're still watching them and dissecting his every movement and expression.

But it also hit me because during Beekeeper's Picnic recording sessions, Jeremy Brett is mentioned so often. Ok we've got at least one actor who worked with him (and indeed reports unsurprisingly that he was "lovely"!) but also people my age who were kids or not born yet when that series aired - they're professional actors, for whom Jeremy Brett remains 'their' Holmes, their point of reference for the character.

I can't wait for all of you to get to hear our amazing Holmes actor James Quinn, but it wouldn't be feasible to get him in every recording, and so often our actors have to just read his lines and respond. Once, one of them said "I'll just imagine Jeremy Brett," and I love that so much. Somewhere baked into my little game, is an Imaginary Jeremy Brett, called forth by an actor needing a Holmes to bounce off.

Jeremy Brett's performance isn't locked in amber, a thing of the past. It's fresh for each new generation that sees it, and it inspires new performances and new art. He'd adore that, I'm sure.

And to get even more philosophical, I think that goes for all creative work - and anything else you do in life. No matter how big or small the action, you never know how big your ripples you leave behind are. It's worth remembering.

[eddiediaaz]

hi guys, i am kind of ashamed and embarrassed to have to do this, but i figured it can't hurt to ask. basically i am really struggling right now (i know a lot of us are). i need financial help, so i set up a ko-fi page ☕

any kind of help would be so appreciated and i am so grateful for anyone taking the time to read this little post.

long story short: because of situations completely out of my control, i lost my job in vfx after almost 8 years and i am now forced to switch careers. i'm going back to school and can't find a part time job even tho i have been working non stop for 15 years. financial aid will only cover my rent, so i absolutely need to work 20 to 30 hours a week to cover the rest of my living expenses, but it's really hard to find a job. i am also currently over 10k cad in debt from my film school loans and credit cards.

signal boost would be appreciated, if you can 💕

my situation in more details under the cut for those who are curious

i was working in the vfx industry as a 2D compositor since 2016 (i have worked on over 40 films and tv shows), but in december of 2023 i lost my job due to the hollywood strikes (as expected, and as it should—i fully support the strikes). this was supposed to be temporary for a couple months where i could get unemployment benefits (only 45% of my usual salary though). unfortunately, on may 31st 2024, my government announced that they are significantly cutting the funding & tax credits for the vfx industry where i live. what does this mean? mass lay offs. thousands of canadians and other people in the world working in the industry are losing their career, including me. there will only be about 20% vfx jobs left where i live by 2025. vfx shops and production houses have already started to close doors here. i'm still mourning this career i have been working in for 8 years and loved, even tho it's been difficult and demanding at times (lots of overtime), but there are just no jobs right now (unless you are a senior vfx artist with decades of experience) and the future will only get more bleak. i could move abroad and follow the industry that is already moving somewhere else, but i don't want to do that on my own (i am already super lonely as it is!!) and i can't afford it.

my unemployment benefits will run out by the last week of september. in 4 weeks. i've been sending resumes everywhere, both online and in person, but i am just not getting anything in return. even tho i have over 15 years of experience working in various jobs and i have never been fired from anywhere. even tho my resume and cover letters are solid because they have been approved my professional counselors (a free service for people under 35 where i live). so much for they're hiring everywhere...

since my vfx compositing skills are very niche and not really applicable to much else, i decided to go back to school, taking college classes in the admin and excecutive assistant fields, since it's something that i think would be good for me and there are lots of jobs for that here. i will be getting some financial aid, but it's nowhere near enough to survive. it will only cover my rent, and that's because my rent is super cheap for my city. my college classes start on september 30 and i am excited for it, but also very stressed because i still don't have a part time job.

i've been living on my own with a small salary for over 10 years now, but it truly is the first time that i'm struggling this hard. i honestly don't have anything worth selling except some taylor swift perfumes, which i sold this week. i also have over 6k of credit debt and another 4.5k of school loans left to pay. at the bare minimum i will need about $1.000 CAD/month to cover my other bills and expenses after rent, hence why the need for a job ASAP. i am desperate and my mental health has been a huge mess. this is why i decided to open my ko-fi accounts. not that i'm expecting much, but anything can help, i think.

i don't have much to offer in exchange, except gifs? i'm wondering if (cheap, low price) gif commissions are a thing? i have no idea know, but i set up a poll on my ko-fi page to see if anyone would be interested.

thank you for reading if you've made it here, it's appreciated 💖

[stellar-solar-flare]

Hey, this is my first time sending you a request. I'm so glad that you're getting back in to writing.

Can I request Steve Rogers × reader based on Taylor Swift's Champagne problems but with happy ending please 💖 (I'm a sucker for happy endings)

Thank you for sending a prompt! I hope you like what I spun up. I'm definitely a sucker for happy endings, too, and I love Taylor Swift's music too, so this prompt was right up my alley.

Worthy - Steve Rogers/Reader

Mature - 18+ only!

You and Steve Rogers have been dating for a year. When a journalist is out to get you, you will have to stand together and come out stronger.

Romance, angst with a happy ending, fluff & hurt/comfort, protective Steve Rogers.

Word Count: 2,045 words.

Warnings: Press being nasty. Reader has unspecified past trauma and unspecified mental health issues as a result. Self-esteem and self-worth issues. Sexual content (not very explicit).

Alternate Universe: The Avengers Initiative (AI) continued SHIELD's work after its collapse to corruption, with Steve as the Head Strategist and Tony as the Director. The Avengers are living together in the Tower - Bucky has healed, and Civil War never happened because Tony and Steve worked through their differences like adults.

I do not own anything Marvel related or the Taylor Swift song. This is an unofficial fan work. No copyright infringement intended. This is a work of fiction. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental.

AUTHOR MASTERLIST | AO3

You heard the door of Steve’s floor of the Tower open and close and curled yourself up tighter against the corner of the couch as if doing so would make you disappear. You hugged your knees tight against your chest and hid your tear-streaked face from the world and your boyfriend, whose steps you now recognized even without seeing him.

Despite its impressive size, the piece of furniture refused to swallow you, and when Steve’s footsteps reached you, you were still there. Shame burned your cheeks. He’d come after you, even after you’d practically run out of the lovely, loud New Year’s Eve party upstairs, leaving mid-conversation while he’d been at the bar getting drinks. He would’ve had the courage to stand up. He wouldn’t have just run away.

“Oh thank god you’re here,” he breathed out, and you felt a pang shoot through your heart.

Steve deserved better than this. Wasn’t that the whole point?

“I’m sorry,” you murmured to your knees.

“Love, please, look at me,” he said, and the sheer pain in his voice gripped your heart and squeezed tight.

You managed to lift your face up to him and weren’t sure what to make of his expression. Sternness, as if he was preparing for an impact. Sorrow. Despair. God, you had done this to him. It was supposed to be a fun evening, with both of you dressed to the nines, Steve in a navy three-piece suit and you in a matching evening gown and in professionally done hair and makeup, which you were fairly certain had not budged even now.

“Can I sit down?” he said, and you nodded.

He lowered himself on the couch, and reached a hand towards you, stopping mid-air, and then letting his hand rest in his lap.

“What did she say to you?” he asked, and as you shook your head, continued. “Love, I need to know.”

You did not want to talk about this. You did not want to remember the journalist’s gleeful face as she’d oh-so-innocently dropped the fact that she had somehow gained access to all the things you had never wanted to become front-page news in the kind of gossip rags you certainly didn’t want to be featured in.

“She knows,” you sniffled. “She knows, and next week everyone will know I’m not worthy of you.”

“Hey,” Steve said. “Hey, come here. Please. Please don’t talk like that about yourself.”

You should not. You should let him go, be grateful that you’d been his for over a year, be grateful for everything you had been given, and accept that he deserved better than someone like you. As the journalist had so kindly said in between the lines. Someone with your history certainly wasn’t worthy of being the girlfriend of Captain America, or god forbid, Mrs. Rogers.

And yet, it was impossible to stop yourself, to rob yourself of the solace only Steve could give, the warmth, the safety. You went to him when he opened his arms, crawling into his lap and burying your face against his neck. For a few minutes, his palm just ran over the jewel-covered back of your dress. You’d felt so beautiful today, and now you felt thoroughly rotten.

“I’m sorry,” he finally breathed out after you’d stopped shaking — you only realized you had been shaking when it stopped.

He was sorry? What the hell was he sorry for? The sheer surprise at his statement made you lift your head and shift to straddle his lap so that you could meet his gaze properly. His hands settled to rest on your hips.

“Steve?” you asked, and the sigh that left him seemed to originate from the very depths of his soul.

“It’s my fault,” he said. “I… If it wasn’t for me, they wouldn’t be infringing your privacy. I’m a public figure, whether I want it or not, and you shouldn’t… You shouldn’t have to cope with anything like this because of that. There’s nothing, nothing to be ashamed of about what you’ve gone through. And I am certainly not ashamed of you. But you should get to choose whether you disclose it or not. And now you can’t, because of me.”

He was gritting his teeth, his jawline so sharp it could’ve cut bulled-proof glass, and it occurred to you that of course this would happen. Of course he would end up blaming himself for this, for failing to protect you from the bad side of being a superhero in the limelight.

“Steve…”

It broke your heart to look at him. You knew he was right about the fact that there was nothing to be ashamed of for having a bad past and having struggled with mental health and having needed therapy and other medical assistance because of that. But he was also right that it should’ve been your choice to talk about in public, if you wanted to.

“It’s not your fault,” you murmured. “I just… I shouldn’t be ashamed but I am. And I’m ashamed of that. And I just… When she started talking about it, I just panicked, I just had to get out of there. I’m sorry I left so suddenly.”

“It’s okay,” Steve said, the back of his hand gently swiping the tears on your cheeks away. “It’s okay. It’s private; I am so proud of you for everything you’ve conquered, and since there is no putting this genie back in the bottle, I will be so proud of you if you want to spin this into you becoming an advocate for it. But I will be just as proud of you if you don’t want to do that. It’s tough, having the public eye on you, and I’m sorry I pulled you into this out of my selfishness. She had it the wrong way — it’s me who is not worthy of you.”

“Steven Grant Rogers,” you huffed. “You stop that nonsense at this instant. You couldn’t control it any more than I could. I chose this. I am here because I love you, and I’ll be damned before some stupid gossip rag writer takes that away from me.”

He looked at your stern face, and his forefinger trailed the edge of your jaw — as if he didn’t quite believe you were there. There was an awestruck expression in his eyes.

“There she is,” he breathed out. “I love you so much. You are so strong. And you very much are worthy of me. More than I could’ve ever wished for.”

You swallowed. There was a light on his face, something so kind and pure that it was impossible to resist, breaking through the clouds of the earlier conversation.

“So you aren’t mad at me?” you said with a tiny voice, and the shock on his face shot through your chest — before he could ask, you offered an explanation: “I ruined our night.”

“She ruined our night, and I’ll make damn sure her press privileges to AI events will be removed,” Steve said through gritted teeth, and a very, very pleasant — if out of place — shiver shot down your back. “But I am not mad at you. Not in the slightest. I want to be with you — I loved you before you told me, and nothing about that changed then, or now. It isn’t something that defines you. And I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you.”

You let out a soft breath, resting your forehead against his. Adrenaline was draining from your body, the panic reaction settling as Steve’s comforting presence made its way into every cell in your body, leaving a tingling warmth in its wake.

“You can’t protect me from everything,” you murmured.

He closed his eyes for a brief moment, a sigh leaving him.

“I know,” he said. “Sometimes I just wish I could. But what we will do is get the legal department on this, to see if there’s any way we can stop it — and see if they can find out how the hell she got access to it in the first place. It’s the kind of personal medical information that probably can’t be just aired out.”

You nodded, but you also knew that stuff like this tended to find its way through the grape wine, even if the legal department was able to stop it from making front-page news. Steve seemed to read your thoughts from your face and gently brushed your cheek with his thumb.

“But regardless of what happens, I’ll be there every step of the way. I’ll always be there for you, honey.”

You leaned your face into his hand and let the knowledge of that wash away the bad emotions still lingering inside you. You would have to live with your past, but Steve was right: it wasn’t something that defined you, and he would be there.

“I know,” you whispered. “And I’m so grateful I have you, love. You’re the best boyfriend I could hope for.”

Something lit up in his eyes; it seemed like he was almost grinning, even as his smile changed only a little, and his thumb brushed over your bottom lip. He trailed the movement with his eyes before meeting your gaze again.

“Well, I was actually wondering if you would give me a promotion?” he said, and now he was grinning even as your brow furrowed.

A promotion? From being a boyfriend…?

Oh.

Oh.

You swallowed, and you were fairly certain your eyes were the size of saucers when he reached for the inner pocket of his suit jacket. But could he mean…? He would never joke about this but this was ridiculous and silly after what had just happened and…

It was just right.

When he produced the little blue velvet box from his pocket, your eyes were brimming with tears for an entirely different reason.

“I actually had a little different plans for us tonight,” he said softly, snapping the box open with one hand and taking your hand with another. “I did intend to take you to the roof when the fireworks started and get on one knee there, but I… It’s about us, love. It’s for us and for no one else, and I think you know I wouldn’t just ask this to make you feel better. But I think the right course here is to not let anything ruin our night.”

Your heart raced in your chest. The oval blue sapphire, flanked with two smaller colorless diamonds in a platinum band — and really, smaller was a bit of a stretch here, with how the ring would likely be visible from Jupiter — glimmered in the soft light of the living room. It was gorgeous and your hand was shaking just a little in his grip. You managed to tear your eyes off the ring and look into a different kind of glimmering blue in Steve’s eyes. He swallowed, his voice just a little thick despite the soft smile on his face.

“You’re the one I want, love, and I love you more than anything. You make me a better man every day, and you give me a reason to fight. Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife? Will you marry me?”

Somehow, you managed to speak. Somehow, even as the world was spinning, your throat felt thick, your eyes were glazed over with tears, and your heart was exploding.

“Yes. Yes, Steve, I will. I would. I do,” you babbled, and he laughed like a spirit of a cloudless summer day when he pulled you in for a kiss.

“That last one you’ll have to wait a moment to say,” he whispered between the kisses. “But I look forward to hearing it, more than anything. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

And after he slipped the ring to your finger, he stood up from the couch with you still on his lap and carried you to the bedroom. And when he took you apart again and again with the meticulous care of a strategic man, when he whispered words of love and desire into your ear, when he murmured praise onto your skin, you felt like you were exactly where you belonged.

With him.

In his embrace, it was impossible to feel anything but worthy.

[etherealsworldvision]

How Can You Form New Connections?

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about Native Hope. They’re a non-profit organization that addresses the injustice done to Native communities in the U.S. and Canada. They share Native stories, provide educational resources, and assist Native communities. If you’d like to make a donation you can click; link.

🚨 P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings!

Pile 1

Your current energy towards making new connections

[ Messages: Honesty without compassion is cruelty and kindness without honesty is manipulation. Don’t waste a second of your time convincing other people your worth ]

Cards: Queen of Cups; 4 of Cups (Rx); the Magician. Queen of Spades; 7 of Clubs

You feel ready to form new connections but feel wary about people which might hold you back. For some of you; you may have dealt with someone who was mean to you during this connection. This feels like that old connection is recent but like a little long ago so I’d say within six months or so (I could be wrong though). However it seems like it’s not a huge concern any more but it does linger from time to time. I get the sense that the thought and your experience with them contributes to your fomo (fear of missing out). In general though, this feels like you freshly stepped or going into a more confident energy. Like you’re comfortable with meeting people as well as letting people meet you. You’re also approaching new connections slowly and with boundaries. I feel called to say this to someone: “boundaries are not about control, it’s about taking the action to keep ourselves healthy and safe”.

How can you make/new connections

[ Messages: Don’t waste a second of your time convincing other people your worth. You have been hidden for far too long; meet new people, discover new places, learn new things — it’s time to explore and expand your mind. May you honor all that you receive. May you let it be. ]

[ Additional Messages: Dylan’s Place by Hockey Dad, Hell and Back by Bakar, Art, Asking what you want and need in a connection]

Cards: Ten of Swords; Ten of Pentacles; Ace of Wands. 7 of Clubs; King of Spades. Gratitude; Forgive

Okay Pile 1, I get the sense there is an all or nothing trait. I have a feeling some of you are tired of that mentality only because a tiktok popped in mine. There’s this woman who said “I’m done being a ride or die because every time I ride, I’m bleh! Every time I ride it’s bleh, I ride I bleh, I’m tired of ‘dying’.” This mindset is also contributing to ‘I need to know’ about the outcomes. Which hinders you from forming new connections and it turns into quicksand. Your guides are saying “it’s time to trust yourself. Let yourself be free and experience this connection. Whatever you feel, feel and process it; let your emotions help you determine your action in order to tend to the needs of this connection.”

[ Disclaimer: if you are displaying serious mental health issues please seek professional help. ]

I get the sense you may watch ‘their intention’ which is not helping you. If anything it may cause you to be extra cautious. I feel like we get too caught up about other people’s intentions that we have a tendency to forget how we can contribute to our own sufferings. For a second I felt a bit of defensiveness which is okay. Let’s take a breath real quick and get a little comfy again. This isn’t to attack you at all.

It’s okay to be wary because it reminds us to set our boundaries. However if we let that wariness become our impossible, doorless wall then it will only make us more lonely.

Your guides are asking you to trust yourself and to be more open about the possibilities. They also want you to ask yourself ‘why do I want a new connection, is it a transactional or genuine connection?’ I also heard ‘take out: are they serving/benefiting me/them and replace it with: are they/am I being genuine? How do we/I feel about this?’. There’s also articles about transactional vs genuine connection. Remember connections involve two people.

Lastly, another big thing is the sky high expectations you put on yourself. You are not a skyscraper sweetie — you can only take so much you can handle, you’re literally just a human being. There’s also this tendency of being super hard on yourself (especially with a past connection). Your guides are asking you to accept and forgive yourself. To hold yourself with compassion. So that means no more bullying yourself! It’s easier said than done but those self deprecating jokes are hurting yourself. Instead your guides are asking you to explore why you have this high expectation, why do you feel the need to bully yourself when it comes to failure? Why haven't you pat yourself on the back for acknowledging and taking action to better a situation — for leaving?

It takes a strong person to leave an unhealthy connection. Congratulate yourself for taking the first step for putting yourself first. And don’t stop there. Congratulate yourself for taking the initiative for wanting better and more in your life. Congratulate yourself for the person you were, are, and will become. Give yourself the gratitude you give others.

To recap: forgive and congratulate yourself. All of nothing, needing to know the outcome is what’s hindering you from forming new connections.

Pile 2

Your current energy towards making new connections

[Messages: If I am worth everything later I am worth something now; for wheat is wheat even if people think it’s grass in the beginning. It did not kill me and it did not make me stronger, it simply and always will be scorching my heart. It takes time…this blooming, this coming back to your own self. May you express all that you are, may you feel deeply and treasured.

Additional Messages: 333, 22, clown, big d energy, warm tones especially yellows, comedic, beach, skeptical, Australia, (trail)blazers, sponsorship, business savvy, small talks, “More” by 5 seconds of summer, ‘If walls could talk’ by 5 SOS, Colognes, Perfume, trendy, mask, masc (presenting), talkative, flirty, charmer. ]

Cards : The Hermit (Rx); 2 of Cups; Sun. 9 of Diamonds; 10 of Clubs; 2 of Clubs. Wild (Rx), Bliss (Rx)

Your energy is hella funny and big. Like idk how to explain it — you have a celebrity interviewee vibe to you. It’s as if you are an important guest on a talk show. Like you’re ready to go out, have fun, do your thing. Do the next big things because if you’re going to go out why not go out with a bang, right? You might have Leo/Libra/Jupiter placements — especially Leo/Sagittarius mars. It feels like you have been hiding in plain sight. I don’t think you have trouble making new connections; it’s about having trouble forming sentimental connections and (up)keeping them. You may have a tendency to only have interesting small talks and that’s because you’re a damn good conversationalist. Yet there’s this need to have deep talks, it tickles the back of your mind but you quickly dismiss it — shove that box to the ocean but that wave brings it back. You may have a fear of intimacy and commitment issues which lead to internal isolation and loneliness. This might have been recently brought up or you probably stumbled on this reading and thought “well fuuuccckk now that you said it I can’t ignore it.” If you’re going to scroll, that’s fine. It’s a tough convo but when you’re ready to give it a read just know I’m super proud of you.

How can you make/new connections

[ Messages: May you settle gently, even as the wave breaks above. May you be exactly as you are. Keep your heart warm no matter how cold they have been to you. To be loved is to be changed; let yourself enjoy this process.

Additional Messages: Skipping vulnerable talks, speeding through connections, CBT Therapy, The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest, Outer Banks, needing patience, speedy, overindulgence with instant gratification, wanting more out of connection, toxic, singing, 1010, making decisions you’re capable of, 2, gentle, cooperative, harmonious connections, stalling, ‘This Charming Man’ by The Smiths, Steve Lacy. ]

Cards: The Hanged Man (Rx); Ace of Swords (Rx); 10 of Swords (Rx). Jack of Spades; 10 of Hearts. Soothed; Enough.

Okay, so I think you view yourself as the waves on a beach. People love the beach waves and only the beach waves, so that’s the form you’re comfortable taking. Except you’re not just the waves but the entire ocean. You have depth but you’re so used to people enjoying the waves and even if they sail the seas, you’re okay if they just stay afloat. You’re so used to seeing beach viewers, surfers, and cruisers; the ones who are there for a fun time and to admire. They’re the people who you’re so used to seeing and have this belief that they are all you know. You forgot about the scuba divers, marine biologists, and submarines; the ones who are willing to go to the depths and understand who you are. I don’t know why I had to form it this way — but I think this visual may help you think, ‘hey there are more people out there’. You may think of yourself as the ocean or have a huge connection to it.

You have a habit of avoiding confrontation via shutting down, dissociating, downplaying it by using jokes, flat out ignoring them, or being defensive about it. To you, you believe “if I cannot see the problem then they can’t see me”. Meaning: if there is no problem there is no hurt.

There’s this stalling, avoidant habit you had ever since childhood or a very old relationship and I think it’s due to how people overly reacted or ignored you when it came to your needs. So now this habit follows you around out of protection. Your energy kind of reminds me of Trevor from Ghosts (US version) in terms of being a ‘chill’ person but secretly wanting something intimate and sentimental. You may even think intimacy only comes in the form of sex. You might have even thought “why isn’t this working?” That’s a start…but using sex as an act of intimacy is not enough.

I know it’s difficult to hear but intimacy can come in the form of sharing hobbies together, having deep talks, or being in a room just to enjoy each other’s presence. Intimacy comes in many forms. So that leads to the question: what is the value of intimacy and sentimentality to you? What do you find intimate and sentimental? What is your relationship toward intimacy and sentimentality?

I also think the issue is not just about running away from yourself/self-sabotaging, but also the people you surround yourself with. Are your friends/lovers there for only the good/celebratory times? Are your friends/lover only there for the sad/gloomy times? Are they enabling this side of you? You need to ask how they make you truly feel about yourself.

Deep down you know you’re capable of making better decisions — you just need a gentle push. Let this be it. Be a scuba diver and a marine biologist, get to befriend and understand the deepest part of you. Also let other marine biologists/scuba divers understand you. Sure it isn’t perfect; yeah the ocean can cause a tsunami and there are huge storming waves in the midst of the ocean but there are people willing to dive deep.

Let yourself open up and to be understood, it’ll help with the hurt you’re carrying. If you make your walls too high then the hurt will only pile up. Honestly intimacy doesn’t always have to apply with hurt — it’s just basking in each other’s company.

Okay so another thing I recommend is to read articles about Transactional vs Genuine, it’s a good start. I know it’s a process but opening up is a step by step process. Also, let yourself slow down in a connection, there’s no need to rush through it. Let yourself enjoy the person’s company. I’ll leave the reading here, if you made it this far just know that I’m proud of you.

Pile 3

Your current energy towards making new connections

[ Messages: May you dive deep into your passions; May you navigate with purpose. When we are at our lowest, that is when we are ready for change. The essence of community, it’s heart and soul, is the non-monetary exchange of value; things we do share because we care for others and for the good of the place.

Additional Messages: luck, opportunities, clover, 11, 1, 33, 3, 2, 123, calm, gem, hobbies, exposure. expressing your authenticity, hating loud noises, not a fan of loud music, outside limitations ]

Cards: Ace of Pentacles; Ace of Wands; 2 of Cups (Rx). 3 of Spades; 3 of Hearts. Love; Decide

Alrighty Pile 3! I think some of you are from pile 2 so if you are — welcome back lol. The first thing I do notice is: you may be finding new hobbies or rediscovering hobbies. Like there is an investment towards your hobbies and feeling this reconnection to yourself. Another thing you may be going through is making a decision within a connection. I don’t think it’s necessarily romantic but it can be. You may feel conflicted about ending or ‘saving’ it. Or you just feel out of the loop — like you’ve outgrown a connection. Now this doesn’t have to be romantic, a connection can be anything. I think this is my younger pile lol, like I’m getting mid-late teen vibes from some of you. If not, you're just very youthful in terms of energy. There’s also this nostalgia/reminisce of wanting to go back to your fun years. Like think about those posts about “remember 2016 summer?” Yeah…that’s basically it. Okay not to be rude: I feel like this pile is wondering how much they held their self expression back for the sake of having a connection and to feel loved/accepted. I just feel this heavy sense that you weren’t expressing your true self for friendship. I honestly don’t think you communicated these feelings to anyone else either. I think the way you have probably been cooping is by reconnecting with yourself, alone. Which leads you to wonder “how can I meet like minded people?”

How can you make new connections

[ Messages: May it be effortless, May you tend to the sufferings, Don’t waste a second of your time convincing people of your worth, It takes time this blooming, this coming back to your own self.

Additional messages: mellow, tired, sleepy, low noise, low voice, jumpy, not into ruckus, Kim Possible, trapped, sleepless nights, calculating, restlessness, listlessness]

Cards: 4 of Swords (Rx); The Tower (Rx); 8 of Pentacles (Rx). 7 of Clubs; 2 of Clubs. Ease; Compassion.

This is honestly pretty funny because I was so energetic prior to this reading but now I feel low energy. So I think pile 3 is just tired, maybe even drained. I also feel like wanting to take things slow, to process everything. So maybe this is your energy?

I want to start with this restlessness. So you may be thinking about how to gain new friendships/connections. I feel like you join a lot of activities — even ones you hope to like but you know it’s not for you but you just have this hope you’ll grow into it. Sometimes you may also be the wallflower/ghost at the corner in these events, even online.

I think you put so much pressure on yourself to fit in with the crowd. To the point you’re willing to throw yourself into random spaces in hopes of getting along. Which, in turn, eats at your energy. It’s like an introvert pretending to be an extravert. I don’t mean that in a bad way — I just have to be straightforward. You’re aware this isn’t for you but you still try to go along with it, for other people.

Like there’s nothing wrong with who you are — what your interests and hobbies are, what you do in your spare time, whatever the case. You are just a person living your life. You like what you like, that’s fine.

Honestly you really don’t need to do so much. Let the crowd come to you by freely expressing yourself. Your guides are saying to hold compassion for yourself and to be the one who has a say in your connections. There is no need for an elaborate plan, a friendship doesn’t need to start on that. It’s going to feel effortless, fun, exciting! Like one of those friendships where both are like “when were we friends?” And they have the best friendship that’s going strong.

Yes there is commitment and maintenance in connection, however, it shouldn’t be so calculating and draining. I feel that this group’s main thing that can help you out is to be yourself and to let yourself be seen. I know it sounds contradictory. What I mean is: you’re just being you and you happen to post it or someone walks by. They notice and boom you two are talking a lot about that interest. Also don’t forget about what you need in a connection. You have needs and requirements too so don’t be afraid of talking to someone about these things. That’s honestly all I’m getting.

If you liked this reading please like, comment, reblog, and share. And if you want to further support me then tips are appreciated on: Ko-Fi ; PayPal ; Venmo ; Cashapp

[clairelsonao3]

Any Writers tried BookTok?

As some of you know, at some point in the New Year, I plan to self-publish a romance ebook. Over the next few months, I hope to start putting some more infrastructure in place to promote it for when the time comes to send out arcs, etc. I already have friends and supporters on Tumblr and A03, which is a great start. But of course, everyone says BookTok is the place to be, especially for romance writers. But I'm hesitating for a few reasons, which are:

Will I get canceled? To make a long story short, the book deals with topics that are not only dark but could be seen as controversial -- and are liable to be attacked by people who don't care that the book is the exact opposite of what they think it is and simply like canceling things based on certain phrases in titles, blurbs or loglines. Tumblr and Ao3, with a few unfortunate exceptions, have been mostly, blissfully free of these people, but BookTok strikes me as someplace that might have a lot of them. Idk, maybe I'm wrong. And if someone does try to cancel me, will I be able to handle it by simply refusing to engage?

I don't want to and can't really show my face for mostly professional reasons. (I like my face just fine, just not for TikTok!) I can use my own voice and, like, my hands or, something, but face is a no-go. Will I be severely hurting my chances of getting any eyeballs on my posts?

Is the culture toxic or likely to harm my mental health? No amount of promotion is worth something that's going to traumatize or hurt me (see above about cancellation). And if my work and/or my characters are hurt, I'm hurt. I've encountered toxicity on social media before and have largely stepped away from it, with Tumblr being the main exception because the community here is so wonderful.

Will it be too much of a time commitment? I know they suggest posting once a day, which seems like a lot, especially if it involves creating and editing original posts. And really anything that's going to take more than, say, 20 minutes out of my day (unless of course I really enjoy it, like I do Tumblr) is too much of a time commitment, in my opinion.

So, that said, I would love to hear from anyone who has experience with BookTok, especially writers of romance and ESPECIALLY writers of "dark," edgy, and/or controversial romance. Should I just try it for, say, a few weeks and see how I like it? (I have never used TikTok before, ever, so it would mostly just be getting a feel for it). Is that even possible?

Thank you for any opinions, anecdotes, or nuggets of wisdom anyone can offer!

[deancasbigbang]

Title: The Things We Leave behind

Author: Briston

Artist: Merv (fruitmixtape)

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Dean/Cas

Length: 52000

Warnings: minor character death, discussion of historical child abuse, substance use disorder.

Tags: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Divorce Arc, Bad Parent John Winchester, Alcohol Abuse, Rehab, Discussion of Cheating, Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Recovering Alcoholic Dean Winchester

Posting Date: October 31, 2023

Summary: Cas has been getting progressively worried about Dean’s drinking for a while but mentioning it only causes tension in their marriage. The sudden death of Dean’s father brings everything to the breaking point. After a particularly bad fight, his husband seeks solace in whiskey and flirty women in the aftermath. When Cas finds out, he decides he’s had his fill, packs his bags, and leaves. Sam lives in California and has built a career as a well respected addictions counselor. When Cas calls to tell him that Dean is missing on a bender and their marriage is likely over, he drops everything to come to Kansas to find his brother. Dean clearly needs help. Sam convinces him to go with him to California and go through a rehab program. Dean only agrees because Cas refuses to have anything to do with him unless he stops drinking permanently. If he can't, their marriage is finished. Along the way, Sam and Dean discover that their father left them with more than just painful memories of a traumatic childhood. Their half-brother Adam might be exactly who they need to help pull all the fractured pieces together. Cas is giving Dean one last chance to turn things around. Nothing is easy, but maybe it’s still worth fighting for.

Excerpt: “You know the only difference that would have made was that you would be as miserable as he was.” Cas grabbed both of their toothbrushes and toothpaste from the ensuite bathroom, tossing Dean’s his way. “I could’ve tried harder to get him to quit, go to rehab or something.” The toiletries went in the bag with some deodorant, a flannel, and some denim. He shot Cas a dirty look when he heard him huff in exasperation. “How many times did you ask him to quit? Remember when Sam flew in for an intervention? He’s a professional addictions counselor and the only thing that happened was that Sam flew home with a black eye and a refusal to ever come back.” “That’s just because they’re too much alike and can’t stop themselves from fighting.” Dean was starting to raise his voice. Cas wasn’t having any of it. “No,” he knew he sounded snarky as shit but was so very tired of having the same argument about John Winchester’s parenting skills. “It’s because your father is a narcissistic asshole with undiagnosed mental health issues that he self-medicates with whiskey.” Dean walked around the bed to where Cas was and grabbed his arm. The grip wasn’t rough but it wasn’t gentle either. His green eyes were anguished and pleading.   “Don’t say that, he could be dying right now.” Somewhere deep down Cas knew he should be feeling guilty about just how little empathy he had for John right then. He’d feel more compassion for a complete stranger than he did for the man who had hurt Dean again and again, both as a child and as an adult. He felt a small flash of resentment at having to defend Dean from his own negative thinking. “It was always going to be this way with him, Dean. Every counselor you’ve ever had has told you the same thing for years. You are not responsible for fixing him. Don’t kill yourself trying to be accepted by someone who doesn’t even deserve you.”

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[sleepingdeath-light]

how she’d treat her adopted child hcs ; brandy

requested by ; anonymous (14/07/23)

fandom(s) ; bluey

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; brandy cattle

outline ; “hello! I heard that you do sfw requests for Bluey. I was wondering if you could do a Brandi and a adopted child reader? Like headcanons on Brandi being a mom to an adopted child reader”

warning(s) ; none, just fluff!

once she’d set her mind to it, brandy spent years preparing to adopt a child: sorting out paperwork, consulting everyone from specialists in children’s mental health to social workers and anyone in between, researching different schools, contacting different adoption agencies and preparing her house and her spare room to make everything child proof and child friendly

hell she even had chilli and bandit on speed dial and ended up consulting bluey and bingo for ideas as to what a child their age might want/enjoy — which meant many a shopping trip and ‘meetings’ that the girls took surprisingly seriously

and in the end all of the stress and costs were worth it because she got to take you home

the child (not baby, not toddler) who she’d met on chance and immediately fallen in love with — and who quickly took to her enough to agree to her taking you home with her (after everything was sorted out legally, of course)

she’s extremely gentle and cautious with you — patient to a ‘t’ as she lets you get a grasp on your new surroundings and home

she doesn’t force you to call her anything, simply introducing herself and stating her role and telling you that you can call her whatever feels the most comfortable to you

(but, of course, she does hope that one day — even if it takes some time — you’ll be happy to call her ‘mum’)

takes her time to learn about you through play and conversation — asking about your favourite dinosaurs and least favourite colour but also engaging you in conversation about your latest interest

she wants to know about everything that makes you happy, really, because she wants to be able to make you happy herself

respects your boundaries and implements a system where you’re comfortable and allowed to say ‘no’ or ‘i need some space right now’ — taking some things out of her sister’s parenting playbook and giving them her own twist

she even has a cool down corner for you stocked with the textures you prefer, plenty of your favourite type of toy and some age appropriate books that she snagged from a book fair by bribing bluey

brandy is also the type of mum who has a whole binder and schedule filled with the things you need — be that specific types of medication and doses, foods you can/can’t eat (be that due to allergies or sensory issues), any disabilities and schedules for things like appointments

she also does a heck of a lot of research (independent and aided by professionals) if you do have any disabilities and/or neurodivergence because she wants to keep you facilitated and accommodated in every way — whether that’s finding the best mobility aid or the type of medication that works best for you or even coming up with fun ways to help you compartmentalise and better focus/ground yourself

it really does depend on your specific needs, but no matter what she makes every effort to accommodate you because that’s what a good mum does

she usually either calls you by your name or ‘sweets’ (as well as variations of that nickname)

encourages you to be silly and to have fun, but she’s also pretty protective over you — like she’ll push you to go beyond your comfort zone every now and then but she does have a habit of fussing over you when you get a bruise, nick or scrape

it’s a habit she’s trying to break as you get older and become more independent, but you’re still her baby and she hates when you get hurt

you have frequent play dates with your cousins and the girls adore you — constantly coming up with new games that you can play or just lounging around with you and chatting about your lates grievances

you’ve only seen one instance of the ‘onesie’ issue and thankfully your mum was able to airlift you to safety before bingo ate you alive — it was a mightily close call (you three had a lot of fun that day, and arguably so did your parents)

every piece of art, sculpture, award, certificate or piece of writing you bring home gets displayed proudly by your mum or kept safely elsewhere

your writing and art pieces have their own scrapbook, for example, and your certificates have their own binder

sculptures, meanwhile, end up scattered about the house — mainly on her bedside table or on the mantle

if you are a part of a youth club — whether it’s sports, dance, choir, artsy/creative or acting/drama — then brandy is going to show up to all of your public appearances to support you as loudly and proudly as is appropriate

(like she’ll loudly cheer at a sporting event but she’ll rein herself in for a play)

your aunty, uncle and the girls also show up because how could they not? you show up for your cousins, after all

in short: you’ll grow up absolutely surrounded by unconditional love, encouragement and praise by both your adopted mother and your new family — and they’ll all stand beside or behind you and support you whenever you need them

because that’s just what family does

[infamousbrad]

Post hoc ergo propter hoc might be wrong most of the time, but ...

A couple of days ago, for my birthday, I documented my fourth adverse reaction to a popularly-prescribed medication. None of which my doctor had even heard were possible, none of which I was warned about by my pharmacist.

Four times now, I've developed "a whole new disease" 6 to 18 months after starting a new medication. Four times I eventually thought to google my most recent medication and my current symptoms, and found that it was possible that I could be experiencing a (supposedly) "one per thousand" or even "one per ten thousand" person adverse reaction. Four times I asked my doctor to substitute a different medication, and lo and behold, the problem went away. Four fucking times.

And three of those four times, before I did so, I brought up the new problem as part of a physical, in front of a physician who had my whole chart in front of her, then she prescribed a new medication to treat my new symptoms, and I filled that prescription at a pharmacy where the pharmacist was looking right at a screen listing every medication I was taking. They both have degrees in this shit. Why was I the one who had to figure this out?

And also, bullshit that these adverse reactions are that rare. No way in hell I "won" a 1:1000 or 1:10000 lottery four times. And I know why, too: because I'm old, and I'm fat, and that meant that my doctor and my pharmacist "knew" what was causing my "new disease," either my age or my weight.

Skin dying and sloughing off around a recent incision? Yeah, that happens to old people and to fat people, they don't always heal well, just keep applying your antibiotic until it does. (Neomycin allergy: tissue necrosis.)

Mental fog and increasing dementia? Yeah, that happens to old people, nothing can be done. (Wellbutrin: mental fog. Lisinopril: mental fog.)

High blood sugar? Yeah, that happens to fat people, lose weight. (Thiazide diuretic: high blood sugar.)

And all four times, insisting on switching to a different medication solved the problem.

Oh, and that doesn't even count the fact that I was misdiagnosed with "drug seeking behavior" for telling my surgeons that the opiates were having no effect, despite the highly visible clue of my bright-red beard: I inherited the genes that make me totally opiate non-responsive. Count that as a fifth adverse drug reaction, if you like.

(Never mind that I wasn't asking for higher doses, I was telling them to stop prescribing opiates; that was "a clever ruse." And, oh, yeah, one clever nurse practitioner had heard of my condition and recommended I bully the doctor into prescribing Tramadol instead, which doesn't work perfectly, but provides some relief if I don't overuse it.)

So do not believe that an adverse reaction is as rare as the company says it is if and only if it's an adverse reaction that medical professionals are eager to explain away as having nothing to do with the medication, one they're eager to jump to conclusions and blame on age or weight or sex. Because in those cases, you're not measuring the adverse reactions, you're measuring the number of people with those reactions who fought to get them counted.

You have to have noticed by now that we tell people (or at least the white college-educated people) that they have to be "their own health advocates," but how in the hell is that supposed to even work, when we're not the ones with degrees in medicine and years' worth of experience with these conditions?

So, please pass this advice along to anybody who's on any medication for a chronic condition, anything they're going to have to take for years or forever to manage the symptoms of some supposedly incurable condition:

Any time you develop new symptoms, google-search each medication that you are taking, one at a time, followed by the symptom you've just recently developed. If you find any matches, no matter how rare it says they are, ask the doctor who prescribed that earlier medicine to suggest an alternative and try that before you let them add another medication.

Because otherwise you could end up one pill that treats your symptoms, but creates a new illness, so they give you another pill to treat that illness, and it causes a third illness, until you end up on so many pills that you're a walking biochemical disaster site. In fact, any time you meet someone (or if you are someone) who's taking, say, four or more separate medications for symptomatic relief, swap out the oldest medications for alternatives, the ones they've been taking the longest, until you rule out iatrogenic illness. Do not, not, not let them add a fifth, a sixth, whatever medication until you have ruled out adverse reactions. Your very life may depend on it!

And for whatever god damned reason, I wish I knew why, neither your doctor nor your pharmacist will think to recommend this if you don't.

[woman-for-women]

hii! i was wondering if there was anywhere I could message you privately? i’m a 14 year old girl who socially IDed as FtM for 5 years but now want to detransition and I don’t know where to go or where to start. xx

Hi! Firstly, you can message me, but if that's something that makes you uncomfortable, I can try to point you to resources right here! Feel free to send other asks :)

Talk to a trusted adult in your life. It could be a parent, an aunt/uncle, a teacher, or an older sibling. The adults in your life probably want the best for your health and happiness. It's great if you reach out to me, but at the end of the day, the adults in your life know you the best and would probably want you to talk to them first before a stranger on the internet. I'm guessing your parents will probably be open to hearing what you have to say.

Contact your doctor or a local gender clinic and ask if they can point you towards detransitioning resources.

Search online and see if there are any detransition support groups near you (unlikely this will pan out, but it's worth a try). If you happen to know anyone who has detransitioned, you can also reach out to them.

If you are able to, please look into counseling. If you are dysphoric, you can ask for a counselor that will help you explore your discomfort with your body/gender roles and reconcile your relationship with your body. I’d avoid any therapists who advertise themselves as LGBTQIA2S+ friendly: they may be well meaning, but their primary method of treatment for dysphoria will likely be transition. Therapists and other mental health professionals tend to have bios where they list their background and what they specialize in: I'd suggest looking for a therapist who is female, and possibly someone who is comfortable gender non-conforming (someone who doesn't see being unhappy with gender roles or gender non-conforming as being the same as being trans). I went to a counselor who was an older lesbian. You can also send an email to Gender Exploratory Therapy Association (GETA) to see if they can match you with a therapist.

You can journal how you feel. It doesn't need to be fancy (it can be a notes page on your phone or some binder paper, but if journaling with markers and stickers and washi tape helps, you can do that too). Ask yourself what made you feel like you weren't or couldn't be a woman/girl? What does the thought of detransitioning make you feel? It can just be how you feel in general. If you're comfortable, you can also share your journal with a trusted adult or counselor. Or, it can just be for your eyes only.

Work on improving your integrity and comfort with your body. It helps you feel wonderful feelings, taste your favorite foods, see beautiful things... your body is not trying to hurt you or work against you. For example, your body is not menstruating because it is "punishing" you for not being pregnant (this is something I heard a lot growing up). Menstruation is just something female bodies do. It's vital to regulating your hormonal health, bone density, and weight. While yes, you can get pregnant and be a parent if you choose to as an adult, your body is not telling you to do anything. Your bodily functions are not a mandate. You exist for you!

Try to avoid seeing your body as a problem, or as fractured parts you want to fix: your body is just your body. Don't think of your body as a decorative object you need to change to please anyone. Your body exists for you and (most importantly) your body is you. Treating your body well is part of treating yourself well.

To improve your relationship with your body, I would recommend picking a sport or physical activity. Do something you like that makes you comfortable! If wearing a swimsuit fills you with dread, wear a more modest one or don't pick swimming. It can be as simple as walking, stretching, or yoga in your room. The point of a physical activity is not just to keep in shape, but to feel how your body is capable of doing whatever you want it to. Your body doesn't have to look a certain way for that.

Your image of your body and your comfort with being female might also improve if you take a social media break. I know it can be hard, but try to commit to a short break (a week, a month). Use this time to read, listen to music, draw, relax, exercise... whatever will keep you happy and healthy. Social media is saturated with images of sexualized, objectified, and impossibly thin women. It can be stressful to feel like you don't "measure up" to what the Internet tells you a woman is supposed to be. Take this time to remind yourself that you don't need to imitate these people to be happy.

I would also recommend you unfollow any social media accounts that make you feel bad about your body or talk about transitioning and gender all the time (you can always refollow later). Focus on how you feel about your body and yourself, not what other people promote.

What or how you decide to change socially, who you tell, or how you say it is up to you. You don't need to disclose why you're detransitioning either. You can just tell people you've decided it wasn't for you or that you'd like to go by your old name/pronouns. Don't let anyone, especially other transitioned peers, pressure you into doing or revealing anything you don't want to. If you have a friend group of trans peers your age, don't let them make you feel bad! You have the right to do what's best for you. If you have friends that aren't supportive of you doing what's best for you, it might be best to look for a new friend group.

If you've been happiest dressing in "boy" clothes or doing certain "boy" activities, none of that has to change when you detransition! Detransitioning should be about accepting that your natal biological sex is female. Being female is a neutral fact, like being brunette or being 167 cm. Being female has no bearing on what you can do, who you can love, what professions, hobbies, or interests you have... that's all gender. You don't have to change how you dress, think, feel, act, talk, etc. None of these things can disqualify you from being a woman or girl. Just be yourself and know there's no wrong way to be female.

Being a woman or girl can be scary. Menstruation sucks, sexual harassment sucks, sexism sucks. But there's light at the end of the tunnel, and that's other women and girls! Reach out to them. They are your lifeline. Build friendships. There are other women and girls just like you. You are never alone.

On that note, having positive female role models and consuming books/TV shows/movies/music by and about women can help you feel better about detransitioning and reconciling with being female.

Don't discount the wisdom of older women! They're not nags, shrews, or "Karens". They're female, too. Many of them have likely felt what you feel.

Detransitioning doesn't mean you need to feel a certain type of way on gender or trans issues. Don't let radical feminists, conservatives, or trans-rights activists bully you into saying or doing what suits their narrative. It's your life, so do what's right for you!

Lastly, here are some resources I would recommend, both about transition and detransition:

A Booklet on Gender Detransition

The risks of binding

Testosterone use and pelvic health

Maybe this is silly, but this comic helped me feel a lot better when I first saw it.

Cosmic Uterus by Ida Neverdahl

Edit: I added some things to the list. Before I forget — the prevailing narrative told to dysphoric and trans-identifying teens is that you need to transition, you need to go on hormones, you need to do xyz or you will die. This is not true. Most dysphoric youth who do not medically transition end up as happy, alive adults. (If you are having suicidal thoughts, please tell a trusted adult or call a hotline). So I’m going to tell you instead what I was told, and what other lesbian, gay, and bisexual kids were told growing up: it gets better. I promise it does. You are so brave. You are going to be okay <3

[wordy-little-witch]

Time to project onto my blorbo because I am Going Through It Rn

Modern AU bc I am gonna make it a THINGGGGG

Bonus: info

TW for under the cut: • mental health crisis, • dysphoria, • US Capitalistic hellscape (that should be a tag), • disabilities, • allusions to SH but not explicit, just a quick lil vague allusion, • offers to punch a police officer???

Just. Buggy who has hypermobility and chronic subluxation and dislocations. He never got the genetic testing done so nothing is on hard paper or file about it beyond "hypermobility syndrome". Buggy who was a performer and a dancer and a hard worker who was a manager as a fast food chain and was KILLING IT, day shift there, nights spent as a dancer, aerialist, had a stint in a literal circus-

Buggy who was so used to "taking one for the team" that it becomes smth of a trigger phrase, who has turned to dissociation as the coping mechanism of choice when he hurts, is overwhelmed, is scared or in any way Not Okay

Buggy who has bled and bled and bled for his people and his loved ones because it was the only thing he knew how to do.

Buggy whose body finally gave in, enough for medical professionals to declare him permanently damaged, not enough for the government to offer anything by way of assistance.

Buggy whose mental health thus becomes absolutely FUCKED as a result, no longer able to fall on familiar habits because he physically can't - but he needs to work, needs to perform, needs to be of USE, needs to be IMPORTANT in others' lives lest they leave him too-

And Buggy falling into Old Old Habits he had been clean of for so long. It feels like a betrayal. It feels like comfort. It hurts. The pain is good.

He's functioning.

Then within two months, something Switches. The crutch has become a impassable wall, his threshold has evaporated, he is sparking on funds and he knows he needs to reach out, but he's scared, he's so scared because the last time was horrid, but they've grown, they've changed they promised-

He reaches out. "I can't do this," he admits like a confession, like an admission of sin. "I need help," he chokes, the words like poison but needed he knows this, he knows it's killing the bad but-

"Take one for the team," they tell him.

And Buggy breaks. He smiles. He's pieces of porcelain, held with masking tape because he Has To Be. He Has To Be This, He Has To Do This, He Has To He Has To He Has To-

He doesn't, actually. Red stains his skin, stabbed scarred l and fresh alike, but the red in his retinas is so much brighter because Shanks is bright, is Red, is Shanks, and Shanks is here, is there, is holding his hands and telling him to breathe and trust him and Buggy is held, is safe, is broken, is sad-

And Crocodile is warm, is sturdy when Buggy is scooped into his arms. Mihawk is efficient with how he expertly cleans, wraps, pins, with how he braids Buggy's hair back and ushers him into comfortable clothes.

Things will be alright, they assure him, things are tight but they'll do it, they'll figure it out, because what is money compared to him, what is opulence or a fancy car payment in comparison to their favorite joker? It is nothing, they assure him, nothing can compare to a brother, a boyfriend, a friend, a son - those were the words that mattered, nothing more, nothing less, because Buggy Is Worth It.

The money isn't the crux of the problem, not really, but it's this episode's manifestation, it's the focus, the fixation. It's a trauma, but it's not the whole picture, but they will mend this piece as best they can, they will hold the pieces in place until Buggy is strong enough to hold them himself because they love him, they love him, by the Seas and Skies, they love him.

And when Buggy, half asleep, begs to not "go back", he doesn't have to specify, the group knowing the horrors beyond sugar-sweet smiles and sickly mint walls. They will not admit him, not unless he chooses to go in himself, and Shanks may get a slap upside the head when he offers to punch anyone who tries, cops included.

Buggy's laughter is worth it though.

Buggy is worth it.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi Sex Witch, do you know anything about using birth control to mitigate anxiety spikes that happen leading up to and during the first few days of my period? I'm considering going to a psychiatrist to learn about anxiety medication, but I'm not sure if a gynecologist would be better since it tends to coincide with my cycle. I don't have it bad every month, but every time I have a huge and prolonged amount of anxiety it coincides with my period.

ONCE AGAIN: NOT A MEDICAL DOCTOR OR A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL OF ANY KIND. THIS IS NOT MEDICAL FACT OR A SUBSTITUTE FOR CONSULTING WTH A TRAINED HEALTHCARE PROVIDER.

hi anon,

I would recommend seeing that psychiatrist first and asking this exact question. while hormonal birth control can be a huge relief for anxiety and depression, side effects are different for everyone and I personally always hesitate to recommend birth control for anything other than specifically what it's actually intended for (decreasing the chances of an egg being fertilized). especially considering that the process of finding a hormonal birth control that works with your body can cause hormonal spikes that could make your anxiety much worse, I wouldn't go for it unless you're able to talk through your situation in detail with your psych and they give you the okay to try it.

speaking from personal experience, when my mental health was at its worst and I was unmedicated I would have TERRIBLE depression spirals right before my period. not every month, like you, but when it did happen it hit hard, and it always coincided with the days before I started menstruating.

I've now been on anti-depressants for nearly four years, and while I still have a bad month every once in a while (usually when I'm already stressed and overwhelmed in other area of my life, RIP) I know it's easier to cope partly because I have that sweet sweet supply of lexapro built up in my body helps keep me from entering instant death mode every time I feel a little yucky.

also, for your consideration and the sake of having as much information as possible to take into your consultation: I would recommend reading up on pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) and considering whether or not it matches up with your experiences. PMDD can cause severe anxiety and depression in addition to physical symptoms, and is definitely worth taking into consideration for your healthcare providers if you think you may have it.

[anarchistfrogposting]

hey, i’m seeing your posts about mental health and wondering if i can ask a question. my partner is currently struggling a lot w their mental health, and while i have experience with that, i don’t have much experience /being there/ for someone else. where is the line between helping & being there versus being overbearing or trying to “force” him to do things? if you don’t feel that you can advise me, ty for reading anyways <3

First off, I want to say thankyou and well done for reaching out. I’m sure it would mean a lot to him if he knew that you were concerned enough to reach out for help in helping him.

I’m not going to mince words; it’s a difficult line to straddle. If they’re doing really bad, you’re going to need to have lots of patience, energy and love for them. It’s not easy to help someone when they’re really struggling, and with something like depression, it can take a long time before things start to get better. It’s incredibly painful to see someone you love suffer.

When I was deep in a depression, it felt like people’s attempts to help me out, at least in a structural sense, were unnecessary and cajoling. Part of this was that it felt like I didn’t deserve the help- that I didn’t ask for it. Another part of this was that it took a lot of energy to do anything, so when people put lots of energy into having me around and keeping me involved in things, it felt like they were asking a lot.

But, and I have to be emphatic about this, if you helping him recover and get better is going to work, it is absolutely essential that if he feels the same way as I did, he recognises that is a cognitive distortion, that he works hard to show you love and appreciation for the love he puts into you, and, most importantly, shows you the love and kindness you deserve from a relationship. This might be hard to hear, but I did not do this, and it cost me a relationship that was deeply dear to me. If it’s too much and you really can’t handle it, that’s ok, and it’s not your fault. It is always ok to break up with someone if you don’t see a future with them.

Just like any relationship advice ever, though, the key is communicating. He is not always going to be able to do everything that you think is good for him, nor everything that you might like him to do for you. It’s important he pushes himself to do better for you, but it’s also important he totally understands that it’s completely ok if he needs to set a boundary as to the extent of what he feels capable of achieving on a given day.

Depression is an intensely lonely experience, and most people with depression also struggle with some sort of guilt that they aren’t happier and healthier for the people in their life. I sure did, and do. He needs to understand that you just want to help, that you aren’t upset if he can’t do what you ask, and you need to have the patience to commit to that. It’s important that you tell him if there’s something specific that is really important to you; say if you really value quality time, asking him for regular dates. Sometimes you can end up super stuck in your own brain when you’re depressed, and it can be difficult to sense exactly what people are missing from you.

The long thrust of helping someone through a depression is a couple of things.

• He needs to get therapy.

Bad mental health is a maze of cognitive distortions and confusion. Your brain stops working like normal, and sometimes it even changes structurally. You can’t help him through that alone. He needs an impartial and unattached professional who can help him work through the stuff he’s struggling. He needs someone to vent to with whom he doesn’t need to worry about his relationship with.

• He needs an outlet

This is longer term. But he needs not to rot inside all day, or if he works, he needs something to help him unwind afterwards. I don’t know your boyfriend, but it’s worth talking to him about starting a hobby or activity he enjoys. This can be really anything, but it’s important the idea comes from him.

• If there’s an unnecessary stressor, figure out a way to help him away from it.

You need to talk to him and ask if there’s anything in his life which is making his depression worse. For me, one of these things was my relationship with my parents, who I would eventually cut off. This was extremely difficult and stressful for me, but in the long term, it made me feel a lot better. My depression came from trauma, so removing myself from that trauma was almost certainly the biggest thing that dragged me out of it.

These are just a couple of suggestions. There’s lots of other ways to be of material support to someone with depression, but there is also a frustrating lack of serious and workable advice on how to do so. This is something you can talk to and ask advice from a councillor though, if you feel like you’re really shooting in the dark.

I appreciate you and I wish you and your boyfriend good luck. I hope he can get better. And I’m here if you need to talk.