#Any mental health professional worth anything knows this

[sarahdogoc80]

Lily Orchard V. Eminem 2

Loech: I totally have a degree in phycology but at the same time I don't understand addiction. Now let me take my codeine and Adderall together. But let me tell everyone it's actually oxycodone because that's a strong pain medicine they give out for only the worse pain. It will make it more believable I'm in alot of pain if I say I take a drug my country doesn't give out often and hasn't since 2011. I'm totally not speedballing stalkers. I'm totally sober.

Eminem: "Sometimes I feel so alone. I just don't know, feels like I've been down this road before. So lonely and cold. It's likes something takes over me as soon as I go home and close the door. Kinda feels like deja Vu. I want to get away from this place I do. But I can't, and I won't. Say I try, but I know that a lie. Cause I don't and why? I just don't know."

"... Couple of weeks go by it's ain't even like I'm getting high. Now I just need it to not feel sick. Yeah I'm getting by. Wouldn't even be taking this shit if DeShaun didn't die. Oh yeah there is an excuse you loose Proof so you use. There is new rules it's cool if it's helping you get through. It's 12 noon ain't no harm in inducing a snooze. What else is new. Fuck it what would Elvis do in your shoes. Now here I am 3 months later full blown relapse. [The voice in the back of his head-] "Just get high till the kids get home from school. Homes relax." " And since I'm convinced I'm an insomniac. I need these pills to be able to sleep. So I take three naps just to be able to function throughout the day."

...." Or the Hydrocodone you hide inside your prono. Your VCR tape cases.... Great places to hide them ain't it. So you can lie to Hailey...."

Yes Lily Orchard he is total mental stable and has no problems in his life. He totally choice to be an addict. He clearly doesn't care about his daughter or feel guilty about hiding his addiction. His mental state also wasn't permitly altered by his addiction either./s You lying heartless bitch.

You should really listen to the song as it is a really good telling of how addiction alters your mind. I just took the best snip it to stick it to this lying bitch and her doormat wife.

[lilowoof]

ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD

Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.

I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.

Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.

I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.

[beekeeperspicnic]

Advanced warning that this made me cry when I thought about it, and then I shared it with friends and it made them cry too, but I think it's ultimately a nice thought so I want to share it. Sorry if it gives you the sniffles.

I'm always cautious when it comes to parasocial relationships - with actors I don't actually want to know the ins and outs of their lives, they are strangers to me and that's how it should be.

But like a lot of Sherlock Holmes fans I've ended up becoming a Jeremy Brett fan to some extent, because first you love his performance, then you find out the sheer dedication he put into that role, and then you find out how he did so while coping with significant mental and physical health problems, and then you hear story after story which suggests he was a lovely man whose mind seemed to put barrier after barrier in the way of him getting to experience the full extent of the joy he put out into the world. And I think a lot of us identify with that.

There's a quote from "The Jeremy Brett - Linda Pritchard story" floating around on Tumblr where Pritchard describes how one thing which really bothered him at the end of his life was that he couldn't give any more performances for his fans. Apparently hearing that the Sherlock Holmes series was on video (something he hadn't considered because he didn't own a video player), and his fans could watch him over and over again, made him happy.

And of course, my first thought when I heard that is I think he'd be so happy to know we're still watching them and dissecting his every movement and expression.

But it also hit me because during Beekeeper's Picnic recording sessions, Jeremy Brett is mentioned so often. Ok we've got at least one actor who worked with him (and indeed reports unsurprisingly that he was "lovely"!) but also people my age who were kids or not born yet when that series aired - they're professional actors, for whom Jeremy Brett remains 'their' Holmes, their point of reference for the character.

I can't wait for all of you to get to hear our amazing Holmes actor James Quinn, but it wouldn't be feasible to get him in every recording, and so often our actors have to just read his lines and respond. Once, one of them said "I'll just imagine Jeremy Brett," and I love that so much. Somewhere baked into my little game, is an Imaginary Jeremy Brett, called forth by an actor needing a Holmes to bounce off.

Jeremy Brett's performance isn't locked in amber, a thing of the past. It's fresh for each new generation that sees it, and it inspires new performances and new art. He'd adore that, I'm sure.

And to get even more philosophical, I think that goes for all creative work - and anything else you do in life. No matter how big or small the action, you never know how big your ripples you leave behind are. It's worth remembering.

[eddiediaaz]

hi guys, i am kind of ashamed and embarrassed to have to do this, but i figured it can't hurt to ask. basically i am really struggling right now (i know a lot of us are). i need financial help, so i set up a ko-fi page ☕

any kind of help would be so appreciated and i am so grateful for anyone taking the time to read this little post.

long story short: because of situations completely out of my control, i lost my job in vfx after almost 8 years and i am now forced to switch careers. i'm going back to school and can't find a part time job even tho i have been working non stop for 15 years. financial aid will only cover my rent, so i absolutely need to work 20 to 30 hours a week to cover the rest of my living expenses, but it's really hard to find a job. i am also currently over 10k cad in debt from my film school loans and credit cards.

signal boost would be appreciated, if you can 💕

my situation in more details under the cut for those who are curious

i was working in the vfx industry as a 2D compositor since 2016 (i have worked on over 40 films and tv shows), but in december of 2023 i lost my job due to the hollywood strikes (as expected, and as it should��i fully support the strikes). this was supposed to be temporary for a couple months where i could get unemployment benefits (only 45% of my usual salary though). unfortunately, on may 31st 2024, my government announced that they are significantly cutting the funding & tax credits for the vfx industry where i live. what does this mean? mass lay offs. thousands of canadians and other people in the world working in the industry are losing their career, including me. there will only be about 20% vfx jobs left where i live by 2025. vfx shops and production houses have already started to close doors here. i'm still mourning this career i have been working in for 8 years and loved, even tho it's been difficult and demanding at times (lots of overtime), but there are just no jobs right now (unless you are a senior vfx artist with decades of experience) and the future will only get more bleak. i could move abroad and follow the industry that is already moving somewhere else, but i don't want to do that on my own (i am already super lonely as it is!!) and i can't afford it.

my unemployment benefits will run out by the last week of september. in 4 weeks. i've been sending resumes everywhere, both online and in person, but i am just not getting anything in return. even tho i have over 15 years of experience working in various jobs and i have never been fired from anywhere. even tho my resume and cover letters are solid because they have been approved my professional counselors (a free service for people under 35 where i live). so much for they're hiring everywhere...

since my vfx compositing skills are very niche and not really applicable to much else, i decided to go back to school, taking college classes in the admin and excecutive assistant fields, since it's something that i think would be good for me and there are lots of jobs for that here. i will be getting some financial aid, but it's nowhere near enough to survive. it will only cover my rent, and that's because my rent is super cheap for my city. my college classes start on september 30 and i am excited for it, but also very stressed because i still don't have a part time job.

i've been living on my own with a small salary for over 10 years now, but it truly is the first time that i'm struggling this hard. i honestly don't have anything worth selling except some taylor swift perfumes, which i sold this week. i also have over 6k of credit debt and another 4.5k of school loans left to pay. at the bare minimum i will need about $1.000 CAD/month to cover my other bills and expenses after rent, hence why the need for a job ASAP. i am desperate and my mental health has been a huge mess. this is why i decided to open my ko-fi accounts. not that i'm expecting much, but anything can help, i think.

i don't have much to offer in exchange, except gifs? i'm wondering if (cheap, low price) gif commissions are a thing? i have no idea know, but i set up a poll on my ko-fi page to see if anyone would be interested.

thank you for reading if you've made it here, it's appreciated 💖

[aleeyenn]

TALK POST FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FOREVER!!! hi guys!!!

art has been So hard for the past few months… like way harder than ever… the only art i do is for school at this point :[ i barely even doodle!!! it makes me really sad……. i think a lot of it has to do with my mental state. keeping it reaaall i’m currently in one of the worst emotional points in my life and have been for a while but Ugh!.. it’s gonna be okay in the end… aside from that i think it’s also art class that’s made it all so hard …

for those who don’t know, i’ve been in special art schools since 6th grade, like, schools you have to audition to be in… it’s been great!!! i love(d) meeting likeminded people and being able to relate to each other in a bunch of different ways!! i’ve made SO many friends and so many good memories!!! i’m now in my senior year of high school, half way through… it’s the final stretch for realsies! and i’m reflecting on how the art programs have made me feel about art….

there are SO many benefits that came with the programs minus meeting new people… my art wouldn’t be at the point it is at now without the lessons and expertise and critiques i’ve received from my teachers. i’m grateful i was even accepted into those classes in the first place!!!!!

the main gripe i have with everything tho is how CRAZY it kills your creative flow and enjoyment for art in general… i don’t necessarily blame my teachers, they’re just doing what they’re taught! but i feel like what they’re teaching is wrong in lots of ways…

they put mindsets on students that just… don’t make sense? “art block isn’t real! just draw!” art block isnt just not being able to draw… “every piece you make should be better than your last!” you shouldn’t have to constantly try to one-up yourself!

it’s just all these standards left and right that you have to meet to “be successful” and for your art to be “good”. all of my art classmates and even from the grades below me agree that it’s certainly not the best!!! i can see why everything is the way it is, it’s for improvement and building skill, but i think it’s more damaging than helpful…

i’m SO nitpicky about my art. it’s hard for me to feel proud of things anymore because there’s Always something wrong with what i’m doing… and the way you have to compare yourself and your creations to other people as a grade to begin with is UGH! it’s just teaching students to be SO hard on themselves when art is literally just creating something!!!

the way your art looks shouldn’t determine your value, success, or even worth. art should be FUN!!! it’s a visual extension of yourself. it’s meant to be created with any intention in mind… it’s a reflection of YOU. it’s YOUR unique touch… it shouldn’t have to fit in any criteria!!! you should do what makes you happy!!!

art school can be a blessing but also such a buzzkill… i enjoyed it a lot but it also broke a part of me and it’s really unfortunate… i hope one day i will be able to reverse all those mindsets and relearn my love for drawing. i miss it so so so much…

my lesson to you guys is to not stop… do what makes YOU happy. don’t do things just to look good to others, try to impress YOURSELF. or don’t! just create! because your art is YOU. treat it nicely and don’t ever lose it!!! you can do ANYTHING! you can MAKE anything! if you really think about it, everything’s possible!!!

i think i would word everything better if i was on a stage with a microphone… i think i missed a lot of points too but i hope you all can get the gist of my perspective…

all i know is that i’m not going to be doing any professional art stuff in the future… it suits me better as a hobby!!! i want to be a nurse instead!

no more art school ranting… despite my poor mental health right now, things haven’t been all that bad!!! i hang out with my friends a lot and that’s made everything so much better! i love my friends!!! i love playing games with them and talking with them and going places with them SOOO MUCH!i also have a super amazing partner now too!!!!! they’re the best partner i could ever ask for!!! fun fact, over summer they watched bfdi to get closer with me when we went back to school ISNT THAT SO SWEET AAHHH also our nails are currently painted fireafy colors!!! we are matching!!! so cute… i appreciate them indulging me whenever they can HEHEHEHEEE

anyways i think i’m done talking now…. i’ve said my piece! i haven’t been active for a while So this is catch up time!!! ok bye!!! do something that makes you happy today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or tonight!!!!!!!! or afternoon!!!!!!!!!!

[sysconversationalist]

10 lukewarm syscourse takes

from someone who just briefly scrolls the tag from time to time:

1. Labels are only as helpful as they are, well, helpful.

If calling yourself something feels right, that’s great. Fixating on fitting into the labels, however, isn’t.

The labels are there for you to define & communicate your experiences, not boxes for you to cram yourself into.

2. Innerworlds are not a separate physical realm, but they may present that way to a system.

Not all systems are going to have one. Some have to put effort into creating one, if they want/need it. Some systems have very vivid & complex innerworlds.

Innerworlds are a healthy form of dissociation when utilized as such. What’s considered a “healthy” amount of focus on the innerworld will vary from system to system. For some, it could be none at all.

3. This one is very much just an opinion— I don’t believe anyone should invite outsiders into the creation of their system/innerworld. (Ex. Alter packs, innerworld packs, etc.)

If these are things that are going to be parts of your brain, I believe it’s worth thinking over the pieces.

4. Fusion is a good thing, so is functional multiplicity, and the two aren’t mutually exclusive.

We’re personally aiming for functional multiplicity, but are hoping for some fusions as well. Which works better, or the proper balance between fusion & multiplicity, will differ per system.

Demonizing fusion is harmful.

5. Calling out “fakers” is useless.

I know someone who mistakenly thought they had a CDD. Through support & professional help, they came to the conclusion that they were wrong, but they now have a deeper understanding of themself & of dissociative disorders. This person wasn’t “faking it”. They did have mental health issues and problems with identity/dissociation that needed to be addressed. They just turned out not to have a CDD. (This is why professional insight can be useful.)

If someone is truly intending to fake having a CDD or being a system, they’ll get bored of it eventually. Feeding into them (ex. trying to call them out) will only make it “more fun”.

6. Having a CDD vs. not having a CDD is different. CDD systems are not the same as non-CDD systems.

Even if there’s overlap, they are not the same thing.

CDD systems and non-CDD systems can and should have spaces where they interact. I think it’s important to acknowledge that a CDD system will work differently than a non-CDD system while doing so, though.

7. Telling systems what “can’t” happen within their system really doesn’t help anything.

How would anyone but the system experiencing it know? To an extent, the only limit is the bounds of a system’s imagination. Maybe it doesn’t work that way for one system, but it does for another.

Note: Sometimes it is necessary to say that some things are simply not possible, and the belief that they are can cause harm. (Ex. The idea of someone in one system jumping into another person’s system.)

8. The misinformation spread about in online system spaces, presented as scientific fact, is concerning.

CDDs are understudied, and the internal systemhood aspect of them even more so. Non-disordered systemhood, barely studied at all.

Sometimes, the answer is “there hasn’t been enough/any research on this yet”, and we as a community need to learn to be okay with that.

On the other hand, dismissing the studies that have been done, or twisting them to fit a narrative (ex. claiming CDDs are not trauma-based disorders) is just as bad, if not worse.

9. Nuance is necessary.

Existing in online system spaces should not require “picking a side”.

I think syscourse would be a kinder and more productive topic without an “anti” and “pro” dichotomy.

10. Walking away can be best.

These are niche online spaces— anyone can leave them. If syscourse is genuinely affecting someone’s mental health, the way to deal with that is by leaving syscourse for a while. It’s okay to take a break.

Personally, I think it’s great to have no interaction with any online system content every once in a while.

That’s all for now 👋 Hope y’all are doing well and doing it with well-intentions.

[puppys-tiny-space]

🩹How to deal with unhealthy regression:🩹

🍼First of all what is unhealthy regression?

Ageregression or agedreaming is both a trauma response and a coping mechanism. As such it can also present in unhealthy ways. When that happens the usually beneficial behaviour can cause harm to the individual partaking in it. I will explain what that can look like in this post and which warning signs to look out for.

🐾How can unhealthy regression present?

If someone's regression is unhealthy it can show in a number of ways since regression itself is something very personal and is often very different from person to person. Unhealthy regression can show through tantrums, being easily frustrated, struggling with things like personal hygiene and maintaining a healthy routine, overspending, insomnia and nightmares or general issues around sleep, relapsing in addictive or other harmful behaviors and much more.

🍼What are some warning signs to watch out for?

Warning signs can differ from person to person but these are some I watch out for in my own coping/symptoms. Struggling to control your regression ie. slipping at work or in public without being able to regulate back to a mindset where you are capable of caring for yourself and performing necessary tasks. Experiencing mainly upsetting emotions while regressed. Falling back on unhealthy coping mechanisms due to stress occurring during regressive episodes. Struggling with properly taking care of yourself, (cleanliness, sleep, nutrition etc.). Basically any unusual amount of stress, symptom flare-ups, dissociation, mental distress or similar during or after regressive episodes is something to watch out for.

🐾What do I do if my regression is currently unhealthy?

First of all don't panic, it's okay to struggle and it does not make you a bad person to do so. If you can talk to a medical professional who might be able to advise you on an individual scale. On your own I would recommend a few different things depending on how much you are struggling. If it is currently not safe for you to regress try not to, don't do it voluntarily and if it happens involuntarily try your best to stay safe, be around people you feel safe with, let someone know what's going on, stay away from potential triggers or things that could cause harm towards you. If you can't stop regressing or don't feel it is necessary try addressing the issues you are experiencing. Journal about the feelings you are having, get them out in whichever way works for you whether it be talking, writing, drawing, singing, painting or anything else. I also recommend actively doing positive things like going to the zoo, having a playdate with a friend, playing a new video game or having a plushie spa day. Actively making good memories around regression can be very healing. The most important advice I have is don't force it, rather set aside regression for a while than risk harking yourself just because it is a coping mechanism that has served you in the past, sometimes we have to let go of things even if it hurts. Also don't be afraid to seek professional help, it does not make you weak to need assistance, stay safe.

🍼How can I help somebody else with unhealthy regression?

Ask them if they know any specific things that help them and act accordingly within your own boundaries. Try being there for them in any way you can safely do, offer an open ear if they want to talk about anything, send them cute animal pictures to cheer them up or just check in with them every now and then. Send them any resources you feel might be helpful, whether it be mental health apps, a recommendation for a great therapist or a self help group or just a cool colouring book. If you feel it necessary for their safety don't be scared to involve their family or friends for a wellness check. If your country has the proper means to execute a safe wellness check through police/EMTS or similar that is also an option worth considering but be mindful of their safety regarding such actions.

🐾How do I confront someone I am worried about?

There isn't one way to do this, if you are worried about a friend, partner, family member or even just a mutual the most important thing is to be kind. Don't accuse someone of something, throwing around big statements can be overwhelming. Indeed try addressing specific things you are worried about like "I've noticed that lately you have been isolating yourself." or "The posts you have been making on social media lately make it seem like you are struggling, I'm worried about you and would like to help if you'd let me." We can't make someone accept help especially not through the phone and someone else's wellbeing is not your responsibility (in most cases) but it is still important to check in with people who you think might be struggling. Explain your concerns as calm as you can, hear them out on their answers and do your best not to make any judgements on their struggle. If you feel overwhelmed with approaching them try contacting somebody close to them first.

🍼What if I can't access a therapist or afford to go to a hospital?

If you or someone you care about lives in a country without universal health care getting the right support can be hard. I personally do not so I can't give exact advice on this but I recommend calling things like mental health hotlines, reaching out to resources like the Trevor project and looking for things like local support groups and mental health charities. Getting help can be scary but you are worth it.

[etherealsworldvision]

How Can You Form New Connections?

Before I begin the reading I’d like to take a moment to talk about Native Hope. They’re a non-profit organization that addresses the injustice done to Native communities in the U.S. and Canada. They share Native stories, provide educational resources, and assist Native communities. If you’d like to make a donation you can click; link.

🚨 P.S.A 🚨 : I do not give personal readings!

Pile 1

Your current energy towards making new connections

[ Messages: Honesty without compassion is cruelty and kindness without honesty is manipulation. Don’t waste a second of your time convincing other people your worth ]

Cards: Queen of Cups; 4 of Cups (Rx); the Magician. Queen of Spades; 7 of Clubs

You feel ready to form new connections but feel wary about people which might hold you back. For some of you; you may have dealt with someone who was mean to you during this connection. This feels like that old connection is recent but like a little long ago so I’d say within six months or so (I could be wrong though). However it seems like it’s not a huge concern any more but it does linger from time to time. I get the sense that the thought and your experience with them contributes to your fomo (fear of missing out). In general though, this feels like you freshly stepped or going into a more confident energy. Like you’re comfortable with meeting people as well as letting people meet you. You’re also approaching new connections slowly and with boundaries. I feel called to say this to someone: “boundaries are not about control, it’s about taking the action to keep ourselves healthy and safe”.

How can you make/new connections

[ Messages: Don’t waste a second of your time convincing other people your worth. You have been hidden for far too long; meet new people, discover new places, learn new things — it’s time to explore and expand your mind. May you honor all that you receive. May you let it be. ]

[ Additional Messages: Dylan’s Place by Hockey Dad, Hell and Back by Bakar, Art, Asking what you want and need in a connection]

Cards: Ten of Swords; Ten of Pentacles; Ace of Wands. 7 of Clubs; King of Spades. Gratitude; Forgive

Okay Pile 1, I get the sense there is an all or nothing trait. I have a feeling some of you are tired of that mentality only because a tiktok popped in mine. There’s this woman who said “I’m done being a ride or die because every time I ride, I’m bleh! Every time I ride it’s bleh, I ride I bleh, I’m tired of ‘dying’.” This mindset is also contributing to ‘I need to know’ about the outcomes. Which hinders you from forming new connections and it turns into quicksand. Your guides are saying “it’s time to trust yourself. Let yourself be free and experience this connection. Whatever you feel, feel and process it; let your emotions help you determine your action in order to tend to the needs of this connection.”

[ Disclaimer: if you are displaying serious mental health issues please seek professional help. ]

I get the sense you may watch ‘their intention’ which is not helping you. If anything it may cause you to be extra cautious. I feel like we get too caught up about other people’s intentions that we have a tendency to forget how we can contribute to our own sufferings. For a second I felt a bit of defensiveness which is okay. Let’s take a breath real quick and get a little comfy again. This isn’t to attack you at all.

It’s okay to be wary because it reminds us to set our boundaries. However if we let that wariness become our impossible, doorless wall then it will only make us more lonely.

Your guides are asking you to trust yourself and to be more open about the possibilities. They also want you to ask yourself ‘why do I want a new connection, is it a transactional or genuine connection?’ I also heard ‘take out: are they serving/benefiting me/them and replace it with: are they/am I being genuine? How do we/I feel about this?’. There’s also articles about transactional vs genuine connection. Remember connections involve two people.

Lastly, another big thing is the sky high expectations you put on yourself. You are not a skyscraper sweetie — you can only take so much you can handle, you’re literally just a human being. There’s also this tendency of being super hard on yourself (especially with a past connection). Your guides are asking you to accept and forgive yourself. To hold yourself with compassion. So that means no more bullying yourself! It’s easier said than done but those self deprecating jokes are hurting yourself. Instead your guides are asking you to explore why you have this high expectation, why do you feel the need to bully yourself when it comes to failure? Why haven't you pat yourself on the back for acknowledging and taking action to better a situation — for leaving?

It takes a strong person to leave an unhealthy connection. Congratulate yourself for taking the first step for putting yourself first. And don’t stop there. Congratulate yourself for taking the initiative for wanting better and more in your life. Congratulate yourself for the person you were, are, and will become. Give yourself the gratitude you give others.

To recap: forgive and congratulate yourself. All of nothing, needing to know the outcome is what’s hindering you from forming new connections.

Pile 2

Your current energy towards making new connections

[Messages: If I am worth everything later I am worth something now; for wheat is wheat even if people think it’s grass in the beginning. It did not kill me and it did not make me stronger, it simply and always will be scorching my heart. It takes time…this blooming, this coming back to your own self. May you express all that you are, may you feel deeply and treasured.

Additional Messages: 333, 22, clown, big d energy, warm tones especially yellows, comedic, beach, skeptical, Australia, (trail)blazers, sponsorship, business savvy, small talks, “More” by 5 seconds of summer, ‘If walls could talk’ by 5 SOS, Colognes, Perfume, trendy, mask, masc (presenting), talkative, flirty, charmer. ]

Cards : The Hermit (Rx); 2 of Cups; Sun. 9 of Diamonds; 10 of Clubs; 2 of Clubs. Wild (Rx), Bliss (Rx)

Your energy is hella funny and big. Like idk how to explain it — you have a celebrity interviewee vibe to you. It’s as if you are an important guest on a talk show. Like you’re ready to go out, have fun, do your thing. Do the next big things because if you’re going to go out why not go out with a bang, right? You might have Leo/Libra/Jupiter placements — especially Leo/Sagittarius mars. It feels like you have been hiding in plain sight. I don’t think you have trouble making new connections; it’s about having trouble forming sentimental connections and (up)keeping them. You may have a tendency to only have interesting small talks and that’s because you’re a damn good conversationalist. Yet there’s this need to have deep talks, it tickles the back of your mind but you quickly dismiss it — shove that box to the ocean but that wave brings it back. You may have a fear of intimacy and commitment issues which lead to internal isolation and loneliness. This might have been recently brought up or you probably stumbled on this reading and thought “well fuuuccckk now that you said it I can’t ignore it.” If you’re going to scroll, that’s fine. It’s a tough convo but when you’re ready to give it a read just know I’m super proud of you.

How can you make/new connections

[ Messages: May you settle gently, even as the wave breaks above. May you be exactly as you are. Keep your heart warm no matter how cold they have been to you. To be loved is to be changed; let yourself enjoy this process.

Additional Messages: Skipping vulnerable talks, speeding through connections, CBT Therapy, The Mountain is You by Brianna Wiest, Outer Banks, needing patience, speedy, overindulgence with instant gratification, wanting more out of connection, toxic, singing, 1010, making decisions you’re capable of, 2, gentle, cooperative, harmonious connections, stalling, ‘This Charming Man’ by The Smiths, Steve Lacy. ]

Cards: The Hanged Man (Rx); Ace of Swords (Rx); 10 of Swords (Rx). Jack of Spades; 10 of Hearts. Soothed; Enough.

Okay, so I think you view yourself as the waves on a beach. People love the beach waves and only the beach waves, so that’s the form you’re comfortable taking. Except you’re not just the waves but the entire ocean. You have depth but you’re so used to people enjoying the waves and even if they sail the seas, you’re okay if they just stay afloat. You’re so used to seeing beach viewers, surfers, and cruisers; the ones who are there for a fun time and to admire. They’re the people who you’re so used to seeing and have this belief that they are all you know. You forgot about the scuba divers, marine biologists, and submarines; the ones who are willing to go to the depths and understand who you are. I don’t know why I had to form it this way — but I think this visual may help you think, ‘hey there are more people out there’. You may think of yourself as the ocean or have a huge connection to it.

You have a habit of avoiding confrontation via shutting down, dissociating, downplaying it by using jokes, flat out ignoring them, or being defensive about it. To you, you believe “if I cannot see the problem then they can’t see me”. Meaning: if there is no problem there is no hurt.

There’s this stalling, avoidant habit you had ever since childhood or a very old relationship and I think it’s due to how people overly reacted or ignored you when it came to your needs. So now this habit follows you around out of protection. Your energy kind of reminds me of Trevor from Ghosts (US version) in terms of being a ‘chill’ person but secretly wanting something intimate and sentimental. You may even think intimacy only comes in the form of sex. You might have even thought “why isn’t this working?” That’s a start…but using sex as an act of intimacy is not enough.

I know it’s difficult to hear but intimacy can come in the form of sharing hobbies together, having deep talks, or being in a room just to enjoy each other’s presence. Intimacy comes in many forms. So that leads to the question: what is the value of intimacy and sentimentality to you? What do you find intimate and sentimental? What is your relationship toward intimacy and sentimentality?

I also think the issue is not just about running away from yourself/self-sabotaging, but also the people you surround yourself with. Are your friends/lovers there for only the good/celebratory times? Are your friends/lover only there for the sad/gloomy times? Are they enabling this side of you? You need to ask how they make you truly feel about yourself.

Deep down you know you’re capable of making better decisions — you just need a gentle push. Let this be it. Be a scuba diver and a marine biologist, get to befriend and understand the deepest part of you. Also let other marine biologists/scuba divers understand you. Sure it isn’t perfect; yeah the ocean can cause a tsunami and there are huge storming waves in the midst of the ocean but there are people willing to dive deep.

Let yourself open up and to be understood, it’ll help with the hurt you’re carrying. If you make your walls too high then the hurt will only pile up. Honestly intimacy doesn’t always have to apply with hurt — it’s just basking in each other’s company.

Okay so another thing I recommend is to read articles about Transactional vs Genuine, it’s a good start. I know it’s a process but opening up is a step by step process. Also, let yourself slow down in a connection, there’s no need to rush through it. Let yourself enjoy the person’s company. I’ll leave the reading here, if you made it this far just know that I’m proud of you.

Pile 3

Your current energy towards making new connections

[ Messages: May you dive deep into your passions; May you navigate with purpose. When we are at our lowest, that is when we are ready for change. The essence of community, it’s heart and soul, is the non-monetary exchange of value; things we do share because we care for others and for the good of the place.

Additional Messages: luck, opportunities, clover, 11, 1, 33, 3, 2, 123, calm, gem, hobbies, exposure. expressing your authenticity, hating loud noises, not a fan of loud music, outside limitations ]

Cards: Ace of Pentacles; Ace of Wands; 2 of Cups (Rx). 3 of Spades; 3 of Hearts. Love; Decide

Alrighty Pile 3! I think some of you are from pile 2 so if you are — welcome back lol. The first thing I do notice is: you may be finding new hobbies or rediscovering hobbies. Like there is an investment towards your hobbies and feeling this reconnection to yourself. Another thing you may be going through is making a decision within a connection. I don’t think it’s necessarily romantic but it can be. You may feel conflicted about ending or ‘saving’ it. Or you just feel out of the loop — like you’ve outgrown a connection. Now this doesn’t have to be romantic, a connection can be anything. I think this is my younger pile lol, like I’m getting mid-late teen vibes from some of you. If not, you're just very youthful in terms of energy. There’s also this nostalgia/reminisce of wanting to go back to your fun years. Like think about those posts about “remember 2016 summer?” Yeah…that’s basically it. Okay not to be rude: I feel like this pile is wondering how much they held their self expression back for the sake of having a connection and to feel loved/accepted. I just feel this heavy sense that you weren’t expressing your true self for friendship. I honestly don’t think you communicated these feelings to anyone else either. I think the way you have probably been cooping is by reconnecting with yourself, alone. Which leads you to wonder “how can I meet like minded people?”

How can you make new connections

[ Messages: May it be effortless, May you tend to the sufferings, Don’t waste a second of your time convincing people of your worth, It takes time this blooming, this coming back to your own self.

Additional messages: mellow, tired, sleepy, low noise, low voice, jumpy, not into ruckus, Kim Possible, trapped, sleepless nights, calculating, restlessness, listlessness]

Cards: 4 of Swords (Rx); The Tower (Rx); 8 of Pentacles (Rx). 7 of Clubs; 2 of Clubs. Ease; Compassion.

This is honestly pretty funny because I was so energetic prior to this reading but now I feel low energy. So I think pile 3 is just tired, maybe even drained. I also feel like wanting to take things slow, to process everything. So maybe this is your energy?

I want to start with this restlessness. So you may be thinking about how to gain new friendships/connections. I feel like you join a lot of activities — even ones you hope to like but you know it’s not for you but you just have this hope you’ll grow into it. Sometimes you may also be the wallflower/ghost at the corner in these events, even online.

I think you put so much pressure on yourself to fit in with the crowd. To the point you’re willing to throw yourself into random spaces in hopes of getting along. Which, in turn, eats at your energy. It’s like an introvert pretending to be an extravert. I don’t mean that in a bad way — I just have to be straightforward. You’re aware this isn’t for you but you still try to go along with it, for other people.

Like there’s nothing wrong with who you are — what your interests and hobbies are, what you do in your spare time, whatever the case. You are just a person living your life. You like what you like, that’s fine.

Honestly you really don’t need to do so much. Let the crowd come to you by freely expressing yourself. Your guides are saying to hold compassion for yourself and to be the one who has a say in your connections. There is no need for an elaborate plan, a friendship doesn’t need to start on that. It’s going to feel effortless, fun, exciting! Like one of those friendships where both are like “when were we friends?” And they have the best friendship that’s going strong.

Yes there is commitment and maintenance in connection, however, it shouldn’t be so calculating and draining. I feel that this group’s main thing that can help you out is to be yourself and to let yourself be seen. I know it sounds contradictory. What I mean is: you’re just being you and you happen to post it or someone walks by. They notice and boom you two are talking a lot about that interest. Also don’t forget about what you need in a connection. You have needs and requirements too so don’t be afraid of talking to someone about these things. That’s honestly all I’m getting.

If you liked this reading please like, comment, reblog, and share. And if you want to further support me then tips are appreciated on: Ko-Fi ; PayPal ; Venmo ; Cashapp

[clairelsonao3]

Any Writers tried BookTok?

As some of you know, at some point in the New Year, I plan to self-publish a romance ebook. Over the next few months, I hope to start putting some more infrastructure in place to promote it for when the time comes to send out arcs, etc. I already have friends and supporters on Tumblr and A03, which is a great start. But of course, everyone says BookTok is the place to be, especially for romance writers. But I'm hesitating for a few reasons, which are:

Will I get canceled? To make a long story short, the book deals with topics that are not only dark but could be seen as controversial -- and are liable to be attacked by people who don't care that the book is the exact opposite of what they think it is and simply like canceling things based on certain phrases in titles, blurbs or loglines. Tumblr and Ao3, with a few unfortunate exceptions, have been mostly, blissfully free of these people, but BookTok strikes me as someplace that might have a lot of them. Idk, maybe I'm wrong. And if someone does try to cancel me, will I be able to handle it by simply refusing to engage?

I don't want to and can't really show my face for mostly professional reasons. (I like my face just fine, just not for TikTok!) I can use my own voice and, like, my hands or, something, but face is a no-go. Will I be severely hurting my chances of getting any eyeballs on my posts?

Is the culture toxic or likely to harm my mental health? No amount of promotion is worth something that's going to traumatize or hurt me (see above about cancellation). And if my work and/or my characters are hurt, I'm hurt. I've encountered toxicity on social media before and have largely stepped away from it, with Tumblr being the main exception because the community here is so wonderful.

Will it be too much of a time commitment? I know they suggest posting once a day, which seems like a lot, especially if it involves creating and editing original posts. And really anything that's going to take more than, say, 20 minutes out of my day (unless of course I really enjoy it, like I do Tumblr) is too much of a time commitment, in my opinion.

So, that said, I would love to hear from anyone who has experience with BookTok, especially writers of romance and ESPECIALLY writers of "dark," edgy, and/or controversial romance. Should I just try it for, say, a few weeks and see how I like it? (I have never used TikTok before, ever, so it would mostly just be getting a feel for it). Is that even possible?

Thank you for any opinions, anecdotes, or nuggets of wisdom anyone can offer!

[deancasbigbang]

Title: The Things We Leave behind

Author: Briston

Artist: Merv (fruitmixtape)

Rating: Mature

Pairings: Dean/Cas

Length: 52000

Warnings: minor character death, discussion of historical child abuse, substance use disorder.

Tags: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Divorce Arc, Bad Parent John Winchester, Alcohol Abuse, Rehab, Discussion of Cheating, Alcoholic Dean Winchester, Recovering Alcoholic Dean Winchester

Posting Date: October 31, 2023

Summary: Cas has been getting progressively worried about Dean’s drinking for a while but mentioning it only causes tension in their marriage. The sudden death of Dean’s father brings everything to the breaking point. After a particularly bad fight, his husband seeks solace in whiskey and flirty women in the aftermath. When Cas finds out, he decides he’s had his fill, packs his bags, and leaves. Sam lives in California and has built a career as a well respected addictions counselor. When Cas calls to tell him that Dean is missing on a bender and their marriage is likely over, he drops everything to come to Kansas to find his brother. Dean clearly needs help. Sam convinces him to go with him to California and go through a rehab program. Dean only agrees because Cas refuses to have anything to do with him unless he stops drinking permanently. If he can't, their marriage is finished. Along the way, Sam and Dean discover that their father left them with more than just painful memories of a traumatic childhood. Their half-brother Adam might be exactly who they need to help pull all the fractured pieces together. Cas is giving Dean one last chance to turn things around. Nothing is easy, but maybe it’s still worth fighting for.

Excerpt: “You know the only difference that would have made was that you would be as miserable as he was.” Cas grabbed both of their toothbrushes and toothpaste from the ensuite bathroom, tossing Dean’s his way. “I could’ve tried harder to get him to quit, go to rehab or something.” The toiletries went in the bag with some deodorant, a flannel, and some denim. He shot Cas a dirty look when he heard him huff in exasperation. “How many times did you ask him to quit? Remember when Sam flew in for an intervention? He’s a professional addictions counselor and the only thing that happened was that Sam flew home with a black eye and a refusal to ever come back.” “That’s just because they’re too much alike and can’t stop themselves from fighting.” Dean was starting to raise his voice. Cas wasn’t having any of it. “No,” he knew he sounded snarky as shit but was so very tired of having the same argument about John Winchester’s parenting skills. “It’s because your father is a narcissistic asshole with undiagnosed mental health issues that he self-medicates with whiskey.” Dean walked around the bed to where Cas was and grabbed his arm. The grip wasn’t rough but it wasn’t gentle either. His green eyes were anguished and pleading.   “Don’t say that, he could be dying right now.” Somewhere deep down Cas knew he should be feeling guilty about just how little empathy he had for John right then. He’d feel more compassion for a complete stranger than he did for the man who had hurt Dean again and again, both as a child and as an adult. He felt a small flash of resentment at having to defend Dean from his own negative thinking. “It was always going to be this way with him, Dean. Every counselor you’ve ever had has told you the same thing for years. You are not responsible for fixing him. Don’t kill yourself trying to be accepted by someone who doesn’t even deserve you.”

DCBB 2023 Posting Schedule

[sleepingdeath-light]

how she’d treat her adopted child hcs ; brandy

requested by ; anonymous (14/07/23)

fandom(s) ; bluey

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; brandy cattle

outline ; “hello! I heard that you do sfw requests for Bluey. I was wondering if you could do a Brandi and a adopted child reader? Like headcanons on Brandi being a mom to an adopted child reader”

warning(s) ; none, just fluff!

once she’d set her mind to it, brandy spent years preparing to adopt a child: sorting out paperwork, consulting everyone from specialists in children’s mental health to social workers and anyone in between, researching different schools, contacting different adoption agencies and preparing her house and her spare room to make everything child proof and child friendly

hell she even had chilli and bandit on speed dial and ended up consulting bluey and bingo for ideas as to what a child their age might want/enjoy — which meant many a shopping trip and ‘meetings’ that the girls took surprisingly seriously

and in the end all of the stress and costs were worth it because she got to take you home

the child (not baby, not toddler) who she’d met on chance and immediately fallen in love with — and who quickly took to her enough to agree to her taking you home with her (after everything was sorted out legally, of course)

she’s extremely gentle and cautious with you — patient to a ‘t’ as she lets you get a grasp on your new surroundings and home

she doesn’t force you to call her anything, simply introducing herself and stating her role and telling you that you can call her whatever feels the most comfortable to you

(but, of course, she does hope that one day — even if it takes some time — you’ll be happy to call her ‘mum’)

takes her time to learn about you through play and conversation — asking about your favourite dinosaurs and least favourite colour but also engaging you in conversation about your latest interest

she wants to know about everything that makes you happy, really, because she wants to be able to make you happy herself

respects your boundaries and implements a system where you’re comfortable and allowed to say ‘no’ or ‘i need some space right now’ — taking some things out of her sister’s parenting playbook and giving them her own twist

she even has a cool down corner for you stocked with the textures you prefer, plenty of your favourite type of toy and some age appropriate books that she snagged from a book fair by bribing bluey

brandy is also the type of mum who has a whole binder and schedule filled with the things you need — be that specific types of medication and doses, foods you can/can’t eat (be that due to allergies or sensory issues), any disabilities and schedules for things like appointments

she also does a heck of a lot of research (independent and aided by professionals) if you do have any disabilities and/or neurodivergence because she wants to keep you facilitated and accommodated in every way — whether that’s finding the best mobility aid or the type of medication that works best for you or even coming up with fun ways to help you compartmentalise and better focus/ground yourself

it really does depend on your specific needs, but no matter what she makes every effort to accommodate you because that’s what a good mum does

she usually either calls you by your name or ‘sweets’ (as well as variations of that nickname)

encourages you to be silly and to have fun, but she’s also pretty protective over you — like she’ll push you to go beyond your comfort zone every now and then but she does have a habit of fussing over you when you get a bruise, nick or scrape

it’s a habit she’s trying to break as you get older and become more independent, but you’re still her baby and she hates when you get hurt

you have frequent play dates with your cousins and the girls adore you — constantly coming up with new games that you can play or just lounging around with you and chatting about your lates grievances

you’ve only seen one instance of the ‘onesie’ issue and thankfully your mum was able to airlift you to safety before bingo ate you alive — it was a mightily close call (you three had a lot of fun that day, and arguably so did your parents)

every piece of art, sculpture, award, certificate or piece of writing you bring home gets displayed proudly by your mum or kept safely elsewhere

your writing and art pieces have their own scrapbook, for example, and your certificates have their own binder

sculptures, meanwhile, end up scattered about the house — mainly on her bedside table or on the mantle

if you are a part of a youth club — whether it’s sports, dance, choir, artsy/creative or acting/drama — then brandy is going to show up to all of your public appearances to support you as loudly and proudly as is appropriate

(like she’ll loudly cheer at a sporting event but she’ll rein herself in for a play)

your aunty, uncle and the girls also show up because how could they not? you show up for your cousins, after all

in short: you’ll grow up absolutely surrounded by unconditional love, encouragement and praise by both your adopted mother and your new family — and they’ll all stand beside or behind you and support you whenever you need them

because that’s just what family does

[infamousbrad]

Post hoc ergo propter hoc might be wrong most of the time, but ...

A couple of days ago, for my birthday, I documented my fourth adverse reaction to a popularly-prescribed medication. None of which my doctor had even heard were possible, none of which I was warned about by my pharmacist.

Four times now, I've developed "a whole new disease" 6 to 18 months after starting a new medication. Four times I eventually thought to google my most recent medication and my current symptoms, and found that it was possible that I could be experiencing a (supposedly) "one per thousand" or even "one per ten thousand" person adverse reaction. Four times I asked my doctor to substitute a different medication, and lo and behold, the problem went away. Four fucking times.

And three of those four times, before I did so, I brought up the new problem as part of a physical, in front of a physician who had my whole chart in front of her, then she prescribed a new medication to treat my new symptoms, and I filled that prescription at a pharmacy where the pharmacist was looking right at a screen listing every medication I was taking. They both have degrees in this shit. Why was I the one who had to figure this out?

And also, bullshit that these adverse reactions are that rare. No way in hell I "won" a 1:1000 or 1:10000 lottery four times. And I know why, too: because I'm old, and I'm fat, and that meant that my doctor and my pharmacist "knew" what was causing my "new disease," either my age or my weight.

Skin dying and sloughing off around a recent incision? Yeah, that happens to old people and to fat people, they don't always heal well, just keep applying your antibiotic until it does. (Neomycin allergy: tissue necrosis.)

Mental fog and increasing dementia? Yeah, that happens to old people, nothing can be done. (Wellbutrin: mental fog. Lisinopril: mental fog.)

High blood sugar? Yeah, that happens to fat people, lose weight. (Thiazide diuretic: high blood sugar.)

And all four times, insisting on switching to a different medication solved the problem.

Oh, and that doesn't even count the fact that I was misdiagnosed with "drug seeking behavior" for telling my surgeons that the opiates were having no effect, despite the highly visible clue of my bright-red beard: I inherited the genes that make me totally opiate non-responsive. Count that as a fifth adverse drug reaction, if you like.

(Never mind that I wasn't asking for higher doses, I was telling them to stop prescribing opiates; that was "a clever ruse." And, oh, yeah, one clever nurse practitioner had heard of my condition and recommended I bully the doctor into prescribing Tramadol instead, which doesn't work perfectly, but provides some relief if I don't overuse it.)

So do not believe that an adverse reaction is as rare as the company says it is if and only if it's an adverse reaction that medical professionals are eager to explain away as having nothing to do with the medication, one they're eager to jump to conclusions and blame on age or weight or sex. Because in those cases, you're not measuring the adverse reactions, you're measuring the number of people with those reactions who fought to get them counted.

You have to have noticed by now that we tell people (or at least the white college-educated people) that they have to be "their own health advocates," but how in the hell is that supposed to even work, when we're not the ones with degrees in medicine and years' worth of experience with these conditions?

So, please pass this advice along to anybody who's on any medication for a chronic condition, anything they're going to have to take for years or forever to manage the symptoms of some supposedly incurable condition:

Any time you develop new symptoms, google-search each medication that you are taking, one at a time, followed by the symptom you've just recently developed. If you find any matches, no matter how rare it says they are, ask the doctor who prescribed that earlier medicine to suggest an alternative and try that before you let them add another medication.

Because otherwise you could end up one pill that treats your symptoms, but creates a new illness, so they give you another pill to treat that illness, and it causes a third illness, until you end up on so many pills that you're a walking biochemical disaster site. In fact, any time you meet someone (or if you are someone) who's taking, say, four or more separate medications for symptomatic relief, swap out the oldest medications for alternatives, the ones they've been taking the longest, until you rule out iatrogenic illness. Do not, not, not let them add a fifth, a sixth, whatever medication until you have ruled out adverse reactions. Your very life may depend on it!

And for whatever god damned reason, I wish I knew why, neither your doctor nor your pharmacist will think to recommend this if you don't.

[wordy-little-witch]

Time to project onto my blorbo because I am Going Through It Rn

Modern AU bc I am gonna make it a THINGGGGG

Bonus: info

TW for under the cut: • mental health crisis, • dysphoria, • US Capitalistic hellscape (that should be a tag), • disabilities, • allusions to SH but not explicit, just a quick lil vague allusion, • offers to punch a police officer???

Just. Buggy who has hypermobility and chronic subluxation and dislocations. He never got the genetic testing done so nothing is on hard paper or file about it beyond "hypermobility syndrome". Buggy who was a performer and a dancer and a hard worker who was a manager as a fast food chain and was KILLING IT, day shift there, nights spent as a dancer, aerialist, had a stint in a literal circus-

Buggy who was so used to "taking one for the team" that it becomes smth of a trigger phrase, who has turned to dissociation as the coping mechanism of choice when he hurts, is overwhelmed, is scared or in any way Not Okay

Buggy who has bled and bled and bled for his people and his loved ones because it was the only thing he knew how to do.

Buggy whose body finally gave in, enough for medical professionals to declare him permanently damaged, not enough for the government to offer anything by way of assistance.

Buggy whose mental health thus becomes absolutely FUCKED as a result, no longer able to fall on familiar habits because he physically can't - but he needs to work, needs to perform, needs to be of USE, needs to be IMPORTANT in others' lives lest they leave him too-

And Buggy falling into Old Old Habits he had been clean of for so long. It feels like a betrayal. It feels like comfort. It hurts. The pain is good.

He's functioning.

Then within two months, something Switches. The crutch has become a impassable wall, his threshold has evaporated, he is sparking on funds and he knows he needs to reach out, but he's scared, he's so scared because the last time was horrid, but they've grown, they've changed they promised-

He reaches out. "I can't do this," he admits like a confession, like an admission of sin. "I need help," he chokes, the words like poison but needed he knows this, he knows it's killing the bad but-

"Take one for the team," they tell him.

And Buggy breaks. He smiles. He's pieces of porcelain, held with masking tape because he Has To Be. He Has To Be This, He Has To Do This, He Has To He Has To He Has To-

He doesn't, actually. Red stains his skin, stabbed scarred l and fresh alike, but the red in his retinas is so much brighter because Shanks is bright, is Red, is Shanks, and Shanks is here, is there, is holding his hands and telling him to breathe and trust him and Buggy is held, is safe, is broken, is sad-

And Crocodile is warm, is sturdy when Buggy is scooped into his arms. Mihawk is efficient with how he expertly cleans, wraps, pins, with how he braids Buggy's hair back and ushers him into comfortable clothes.

Things will be alright, they assure him, things are tight but they'll do it, they'll figure it out, because what is money compared to him, what is opulence or a fancy car payment in comparison to their favorite joker? It is nothing, they assure him, nothing can compare to a brother, a boyfriend, a friend, a son - those were the words that mattered, nothing more, nothing less, because Buggy Is Worth It.

The money isn't the crux of the problem, not really, but it's this episode's manifestation, it's the focus, the fixation. It's a trauma, but it's not the whole picture, but they will mend this piece as best they can, they will hold the pieces in place until Buggy is strong enough to hold them himself because they love him, they love him, by the Seas and Skies, they love him.

And when Buggy, half asleep, begs to not "go back", he doesn't have to specify, the group knowing the horrors beyond sugar-sweet smiles and sickly mint walls. They will not admit him, not unless he chooses to go in himself, and Shanks may get a slap upside the head when he offers to punch anyone who tries, cops included.

Buggy's laughter is worth it though.

Buggy is worth it.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi Sex Witch, do you know anything about using birth control to mitigate anxiety spikes that happen leading up to and during the first few days of my period? I'm considering going to a psychiatrist to learn about anxiety medication, but I'm not sure if a gynecologist would be better since it tends to coincide with my cycle. I don't have it bad every month, but every time I have a huge and prolonged amount of anxiety it coincides with my period.

ONCE AGAIN: NOT A MEDICAL DOCTOR OR A MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONAL OF ANY KIND. THIS IS NOT MEDICAL FACT OR A SUBSTITUTE FOR CONSULTING WTH A TRAINED HEALTHCARE PROVIDER.

hi anon,

I would recommend seeing that psychiatrist first and asking this exact question. while hormonal birth control can be a huge relief for anxiety and depression, side effects are different for everyone and I personally always hesitate to recommend birth control for anything other than specifically what it's actually intended for (decreasing the chances of an egg being fertilized). especially considering that the process of finding a hormonal birth control that works with your body can cause hormonal spikes that could make your anxiety much worse, I wouldn't go for it unless you're able to talk through your situation in detail with your psych and they give you the okay to try it.

speaking from personal experience, when my mental health was at its worst and I was unmedicated I would have TERRIBLE depression spirals right before my period. not every month, like you, but when it did happen it hit hard, and it always coincided with the days before I started menstruating.

I've now been on anti-depressants for nearly four years, and while I still have a bad month every once in a while (usually when I'm already stressed and overwhelmed in other area of my life, RIP) I know it's easier to cope partly because I have that sweet sweet supply of lexapro built up in my body helps keep me from entering instant death mode every time I feel a little yucky.

also, for your consideration and the sake of having as much information as possible to take into your consultation: I would recommend reading up on pre-menstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD) and considering whether or not it matches up with your experiences. PMDD can cause severe anxiety and depression in addition to physical symptoms, and is definitely worth taking into consideration for your healthcare providers if you think you may have it.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello, mbti-notes! I’d like to ask a question related to my professional life. I graduated as an occupational therapist in 2022, and afterward, I started a postgraduate program in mental health. I’m now completing this program, which lasted two years.

My work has primarily involved patients with mental health issues, but I often feel very insecure. I struggle to fully grasp and analyze cases in the most effective way. When I listen to others discussing patients they’re working with, I admire their case analyses—so critical and sensitive. It seems like they don’t miss anything, take things seriously, and do an incredibly responsible job. I feel that I can’t consistently achieve that level of insight.

Sometimes, I wonder if I simply need more time to process and develop my own evaluation of what’s happening with a person I’m working with before thinking about interventions—it doesn’t feel straightforward to me. I feel lost with some cases, worried that I’m not doing good work. This discourages me and makes me question if this profession is right for me. I’m still trying to persist in this field, but I’m also reconsidering whether I should change directions.

I’ve also been reflecting on whether my difficulty with critical thinking and making quick decisions about how to help my patients could be linked to my INFJ personality type. At times, when thinking about a patient, my thoughts feel very disorganized, and I feel incompetent. Of course, I’ve had meaningful therapeutic processes with some patients and built strong connections. The core issue seems to be that I feel slow and wish I could sharpen my analyses, developing clearer evaluations of the emotional, social, and biological realities of the people I work with.

---------------------

It sounds like you're being too hard on yourself in two ways:

(1) You're making unfair comparisons. This could be related to sluggish Fe due to being hampered by unresolved ego development issues. Healthy use of Fe should assist Ni and allow you to make fair and reasonable social comparisons for the purposes of learning, enrichment, and improvement. However, if you're using social comparison as a means to shame and punish yourself, then it speaks to underlying self-esteem issues.

I don't know exactly what you mean by "post-graduate program in mental health". Is it psychology? In the past twenty years, some newfangled practical programs have popped up to teach people how to do specific jobs related to counseling or rehabilitation. However, IMO many of these programs are too lacking in theory. It's unclear from your description whether you possess enough foundational knowledge in psychology to handle a variety of mental health issues.

I don't know how it is today because I've been out of school for awhile, but psychologist training programs often required students to undergo therapy. Putting themselves in the position of client was thought to nurture deeper empathy. Also, therapy helped students become more aware of any personal issues that might negatively impact the therapist-client relationship.

Have you undergone therapy? Have you done enough work on yourself to ensure that your personal issues don't distort your work? It sounds like one thing you need to work on is low self-esteem and/or low self-worth, which are common FJ issues. Even if it's not serious enough to impact your clients directly, it's still having a negative effect on your career, in terms of making you feel so insecure that you're thinking of quitting. Unaddressed self-esteem issues can be quite insidious in distorting your judgment.

(2) Following from the idea of distorted judgment, if your judgment is sometimes compromised, it is of course difficult to trust your own viewpoint, let alone stand confidently in it. This is usually related to a need in INFJ adulthood for Ti development and the critical thinking ability that naturally comes with it. Since it is a lower function, development is more difficult and must be undertaken in a more deliberate manner.

You seem to assume that all mental health issues should be relatively easy or straightforward to detect or make sense of, which simply isn't the case. You need to remember that human psychology can be extremely complex, layered and multifactorial. Some mental health issues are easier to wrap your head around than others. And there are some mental health problems we merely have labels for but no proper understanding of.

You don't get to control what cases come your way, so the best you can do is be honest about your abilities. If you meet a case that makes you feel out of your depth, you ought to get outside help. If the client's well-being is your top priority, then there should be no shame in admitting that you can't handle every case on your own. With time and more experience, your capacity to handle cases will certainly grow, but you have to grant yourself patience and compassion to learn over many years.

Since critical thinking is a skill, it can be improved through dedicated learning and practice. There are courses you can take and books you can read to help you improve your ability to parse, organize, analyze, evaluate, and problem solve (I've already made recommendations on the resources page). This is something that should be an ongoing project if you hope to have better judgment and feel more confident in your intellectual abilities.

If you're looking for something that is directly relevant to your job duties, you can take a few more courses to fortify your foundational knowledge. For example, there are university courses dedicated to interviewing and assessing children and adults for a variety of mental health or behavioral issues. There are also books about assessment and interviewing that would provide useful frameworks from which to develop your own procedures. It sounds like you might be relying too much on Intuition due to underdeveloped judging functions - Fe unable to access a broader perspective; Ti unable to think systematically and formulate logical procedures - so I would suggest you target further learning to that.

Connecting back to the first point, many INFJs are reluctant to ask for help because they're ashamed to reveal their struggles. If this applies to you, it's something you need to work on because it's a self-inflicted obstacle. You have to learn to use Fe to your advantage rather than let it hold you back. If you can be open and honest about your concerns, some of your colleagues might be able to give you suggestions about how to speed up your learning. Also, when you're new on the job, a good way to give yourself a leg up is to find a trusted mentor-like person you can turn to for sage advice.