#Anxiety is an urgent
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Anxiety is an urgent, deafening thing. No matter how many logical reasons you have to remain happy or positive, when it is present, you can hear nothing else. Beau Taplin
#Anxiety is an urgent#deafening thing. No matter how many logical reasons you have to remain happy or positive#when it is present#you can hear nothing else.#Beau Taplin#motivation#quotes#poetry#literature#relationship quotes#writing#original#words#love#relationship#thoughts#lit#prose#spilled ink#inspiring quotes#life quotes#quoteoftheday#love quotes#poem#aesthetic#spilled thoughts#relatable quotes#reading#art#romance quotes
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Hey y'all! It's weird question time again! So that doctor I mentioned before that I wanted to make a dog plushie for because he has improved my quality of life so much* (and also inexplicably reminds me of like a greyhound or a borzoi) is my endocrinologist And, as my endocrinologist, he recommended back in December that I go see a rheumatologist, because he thinks I might have rheumatoid arthritis**. The staff at his office have been trying to get a rheumatologist for four months now. I know that, because yesterday I got a call from the rheumatologist's office and the nurse I spoke to said "Your doctor's office has been very...persistent about getting you this appointment" So now I kinda want to get something for the whole office? But idk what I could get them or make them. Like, in non-medical contexts I'd make cookies or brownies for a group, but I can't bring cookies to a doctor's office. I mean, I guess I could, but if I were them I would definitely not eat them, and I run the risk of allergy-ing a fellow patient. Is there like a gift basket or gift card or thank you card or something you can recommend?
*I mean he maybe should have found a diagnosis before offering me steroids about it but the low dose steroids have made such a HUGE difference in my quality of life I am thrilled with Tennessee's weird (to me, with my experience in California) medical practices **I don't think I have enough joint pain for it to be rheumatoid arthritis, but he's like the fourth doctor to tell me it's weird that when I got hives they usually started on joints, so maybe I'm wrong? I have the weird version of enough medical things that at this point I would not be surprised if I had Weird Rheumatoid Arthritis.
#the person behind the yarn#I want to show my appreciation to these people!#but in a not-super-weird way#because they are my doctors and I want them to think I am a normal human who is rational#so they continue to treat me well. because I am a little paranoid about that with doctors#because of That One Guy at the local urgent care back in socal#who decided one day I had anxiety instead of. you know. allergies.#and he saw me before the allergies got super bad when it was just moderate hives and gave me anxiety meds about it#and then like a year later I was in the beginning stages of a severe allergic reaction#which I knew by then was going badly so I went to the urgent care (like my doctor told me to!) to get steroids for it#and the same guy gave me anxiety meds again and sent me home#I had to go back the next day to get steroids#and the second doc took one look at me and like left the room to go set up a steroid shot#I was COVERED in hives#anyway it both makes me appreciate good doctors#and makes me want to try very hard to make them think I am Not Anxious#something both normal to want and possible to achieve lol
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My friend just made me download Airbuds how do I explain me listening to the entire Hamilton track
#I hate this app already#music is literally supposed to be my private time#this doesn’t feel so private#I feel so vulnerable rn#I hate it sm#like you don’t understand#I thought the question ‘who’s your favorite artist?’ was bad this is actually ten times worse#I’m actually going to freak out over this#does anyone know a way around this#urgently#help a girl out#but like actually#seriously#I’m not joking if you know please tell me#this is stressing me out so much wtf#I feel so restricted#tw anxiety#music#airbuds#who invented this app holy shit I’m gonna come for you#pjo#kotlc#yes I’m tagging that I need this to reach people urgently#i need to calm down#and touch some grass maybe#but in a minute#music is therapy#therapy is confidential#THERAPY IS CONFIDENTIAL LEAVE ME ALONE#Hamilton
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Trying to be patient but would really love it if i had a therapy appointment scheduled by now.
#therapist texted me a week ago saying she has internet back and could schedule virtual visits now#(the office is very much gone though the practice is looking for a new location)#texted back same day saying i did want to schedule and gave some dates#i know she’s probably busy getting every client sorted out and there are probably some with more urgent needs#or maybe her internet isn’t completely stable yet#but i’m worried that she just forgot about me but i also don’t want to be pushy by texting again#i don’t know what do you do when you feel like you desperately need something but also don’t think your needs matter#or that you’re being a burden (asking for a paid appointment that was offered to you)#weird i was able to get a haircut before a therapy appointment considering my hair stylist like…literally lost her home#though i suppose that creates a greater need to get back to work asap#also apparently nothing offsets my money anxiety#me: if there was ever a time to pull a large amount out of savings to give to those in need it would be now#also me: i am going to financially ruin myself and also probably my whole family#me again: you should be giving MORE stop being SELFISH#[proceeds to enter into damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don’t anxiety spiral where i hate myself in five different ways at once]
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Bought Tetris on Steam about 12 hours ago. Apparently I then played it for 10 of those hours. I am the calmest I've been in weeks.
#went to urgent care yesterday#for gi issues#everything came back normal#doctor thinks it's my anxiety#and I don't disagree totally#so I checked out Tetris as a coping mechanism#had to take a break because of hand cramps#might have to switch to a controller or something
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Guess who had sudden intense chest pain and got dizzy at work today and couldn't breathe and almost went to the ER. Not a heart attack. Just a dumb anxiety attack. 🙃
#went to urgent care after the pain had ebated a bit#bc i was dizzy for a while and wanted to make sure it was in fact a panic attack and not the beginning of a heart issue#all good#cant wait for those bills#but at least i dont have an ER bill#my bf was dialing 911 bc i was on the floor clutchibg chest but i was able to say i think its fucking anxiety instead#anyway...#kind of embarrassing#but also i dont want to play with chest pain#personal
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Honestly, it seems more and more to me that the way some people talk about depression and anxiety is just ... wildly divorced from what it's like, especially severe depression/anxiety. In particular, there seems this sort of assumption that severe depression or anxiety is intrinsically less severe than any other mental illnesses, less disruptive, less divergent from what can reasonably be expected from human existence.
And, yeah, bullshit.
#i'm autistic and have lots of problems from it that pervade a great deal of my life!#never feel more insane than while living in fear of being Not Myself while severely depressed though#tbh#i think some people only understand severity by proximity to suicide and not by things like depersonalization and memory loss#obviously suicide is a far more urgent concern but secondary symptoms switching on and off like a light switch is terrifying#and all the 'you've just got to take responsibility!!!' seems to assume you'll actually remember what you're taking responsibility for#it's like ... oh you've got to take responsibility for this completely unpredictable and involuntary experience you can barely remember#okay! thanks! super helpful#anghraine rants#rare breed of attack unicorn#depression#anxiety#cw suicide mention
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My friend S died by suicide two years ago today. I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room this morning and S's favourite song came on the radio. Like okay. Slay. Thank you, S. I miss you.
Um. Then five minutes later my GP told me to go get an urgent CT scan because there's a chance I have a blood clot in my lungs. Iconic day tbh.
#I'm probably fine like it's not so urgent that I can't wait two hours for them to fit the scan in so it's chill#I'm just relieved that someone finally believed that my symptoms aren't just anxiety lol#warm words#medical tw#illness tw#suicide tw
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i just can’t seem to take anything seriously anymore? why is my future in my hands like what did i do to deserve it what if i don’t know what to do with it what if i don’t really care about it anymore what if i don’t even want to think about it anymore
#is this a burnt out or what#i hate this#it’s midnight and i haven’t finished a thing#2022 me would’ve never believed i have the capability to be this careless she would’ve LAUGHED#and she’d probably hate me for it because she worked her ass off last year and cried so much because of well THIS#and now i’m here not even putting a decent effort for something so urgent and probably pretty important#and future me would probably hate me too because i have probably ruined her chance of having good academic record and possible career#how lovely#how great#anxiety how are you tonight haven’t seen you since 8 pm why did you come back no one’s looking for you#sorry for this i’ve been doing this a lot#tw rant#tw vent#nadirants
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i haven't been hypochondria-posting because i've been too busy doing finals, but for the record, i've been freaking out a little. tee hee.
#HOT HEALTH ANXIETY TIP: if you want to convince yourself out of a potential urgent care visit super late at night#just have a test that affects your degree completion the next day!#tbh i will probably still make an appointment with my gp#once again beating my drum: hypochondria is not a mental illness that makes you waste doctors' time or makes you make up symptoms#it's a mental illness that makes you *IRRATIONALLY AFRAID* of your REAL experienced symptoms
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had single moment just woke up clarity now entire body brain feel horrible fuzzy weird bad like feel like *I* aware conscious but brain just lagging behind stagnant and cant control self jerk twitch and hurt self just try rub eye because control body right hard (making lot typo try write post)
#txt#on better note . going urgent care yayy !!!#(yay is said eith biggest anxiety ever but at least maybe if ak anxious symptom will get worse)
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I dropped and broke my cold brew pitcher mere hours before my coffee would be done brewing, and I actually cried.
Life isn't going so great for me right now and I am just barely coping by displacing my anxiety into horror films. I really wanted a cup of sweet, caramelly coffee in the morning and I was robbed of that by gravity and I cried about it.
#mental illness#anxiety#depression#coffee#i am so depressed that the person who did my intake appointment and my new therapist both asked me in a very urgent manner#if I was planning to kill myself#like not the normal way they ask to check the box#it was like Are You Safe Right Now and Are You Sure About That#and my mom keeps asking me if I'm “safe” every few days#I'm on at-home suicide watch
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Hey y'all! Weird question for you, because this is one of those things where I know I am considered an outlier but idk how much of an outlier: What do you (or your doctors) consider tachycardia/high heart rate? I think I've heard a resting heartrate of over 100 is considered tachycardia, but what level is like "this level happens when people without heart/circulatory issues get sick sometimes" and what level is like "don't know what, but something isn't working right"
I have Weird, Least Dangerous Tachycardia (aka idiopathic but not inappropriate* tachycardia, completely without arrhythmias) so idk where those thresholds are for more, uh, typical tachycardia? To be clear, I am not having tachycardia issues at the moment and am not looking for medical advice, just curious what is considered tachycardia to other people
*translating from doctor speak, basically it's appropriate because it's in response to low blood pressure (so it's not an inappropriate/wrong response), but it's idiopathic because they don't know why I have such low blood pressure. The without arrhythmias thing means that, even when going faster than it should, my heart has never had a beat out of rhythm (which is good! but weird!)
#the person behind the yarn#tj asks weird questions#medical mention#tachycardia mention#heart issues mention#I know a resting heart rate of 140 is high enough to set off alarms on the blood pressure machine#at the triage/intake station at the cardiologist#and a resting heart rate of 140 also means you get a room immediately and are put in a wheelchair and not allowed to walk#when you're at an urgent care#but like...100ish at urgent care and they just say 'have you considered you might have anxiety?'#so I'm guessing the threshold is somewhere between those two numbers#but one of my relatives has a different heart issue and considers anything less than 180#not a bad flareup of tachycardia
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Reminder that my dms are always open if you're not feeling great and you need to have a chat with someone I might not respond right away, but I will read you and be with you. Always <3
#never feel shy to send me a dm if needed#i'm usually slow at thoughtful replies but i'm very fast if you have something urgent that you need to vent#or if you have anxiety or whatever#always feel free to reach#bison talks
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ok goodnight...
#my old friend travel anxiety how i have missed you. nothing like feeling like you're about to die if you leave home#it's okkkk though. i got my audition done today ^_^ so now i can stop stressing until callbacks next week#fuuuuck i still have emails to send and forms to fill out though. ummm oh well that isn't too urgent hopefully#i'm off this week anyway 🤷 so probably it's fine.#goodnight... backpacking tomorrow...!!!#.txt
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent post#vent#cw vent post#cw vent#cw health#cw medical#cw medication#cw death#death mention#after nearly 2 weeks of unexplained pain and Symptoms and working myself up into the worst panic attack of my life#i finally caved and went to urgent care :)#it’s not lost on me that the same thing happened a little over a year ago. not bc of the same symptoms but it’s the same fear of dying#smthn smthn if i had a nickel smthn smthn weird that it happened twice. i rlly hope this doesn’t become a pattern#i can picture it now. every spring i walk in and they’re like ‘ugh it’s the neurotic hypochondriac with 4 anxiety disorders again 🙄#wonder what they think they’re dying of this time!’#sigh. anyways i’m fine. probably.#the consensus was ‘no you’re Probably not gonna have a stroke and die. you’re just Very stressed and in a lot of pain.’#got diagnosed with Stressed Guy Syndrome so now i take ✨painkillers✨ and ✨muscle relaxers✨ 🙃#they wanted me to take a steroid shot too but that felt like overkill. it’s also a big step for me to be willing to take anything at all#not bc i’m scared of getting a shot in the neck i’m just. scared of medication in general. the side effects. the potential for dependency.#it’s only for a week but i’m still uncomfy with it. but it Is nice to be in less pain. tho i have my doubts that it’ll help long term#time will tell. but i still can’t shake the fear of the tiny chance that it Could be more serious. but it’s not big enough for them to test#for it so. just gotta live with the fear. which in turn is making it hard to relax. which is what i’m supposed to be doing. so.#anyways. i Hope the meds work and i don’t end up back there next week spending More money and seeking more treatment#sighhhh i just can’t catch a break these days. it’s Always Something#at least the electricity and internet are back on after the tornado last week. and at least i’m not in much pain for now. silver linings.#sorry to everyone i’ve unintentionally ghosted but it’s been hard to think through the pain and now the meds are making me eepy#hopefully i’ll recover and recharge my social battery sooner than later. bc i do feel v bad abt it#and it’s So nice to sleep without much pain so i’m. taking advantage of that this week. Seven Try To Relax Challenge 2024
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