#Andrew is still my number one don’t get me wrong

[noe-clara69]

If tsc has made me realize anything, it is that we need to portray Neil way more feral and cutthroat in fan media

[number1jeonginstan]

Heyyy!!! I just wanted to ask if u could write this very interesting idea of mine. Chan making you roll a dice and what number you roll, is the amount of thrust you take. But you keep calling him daddy and he can't hold back anymore so he starts pounding u like a pup in the heat. NO PRESSURE totally fine if you don't feel comfortable writing this. But just thoughts. Have a nice day/night!💗

A/N: YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW EXCITED I WAS TO WRITE THIS. Like I wanted to write it as soon as I got this, but I got really sick so writing has been on the back burner, but I hope I did your ask justice with my writing. ALSO, my mentions are still open y'all so....

wc: 1.2k (not enough in my opinion 😔)

warnings: 18+ only, minors do not interact, unprotected sex, afab!reader, reader is called slut, daddy kink (obvi), some fluff as well because I love fluff

It was the first day Chan had off in ages. It was the afternoon and you were snuggled up on his bed, laying on top of him, head on his chest watching a movie. “All I’m saying is Andrew Garfield is hot.” You said with a shrug, eating another piece of popcorn. Chan was above you rolling his eyes. 

“You think everyone is hot,” he said stealing a sip of your drink. You lift your head from his chest looking up at him, “You can’t possibly deny it, look at him.” 

“I never thought you had a thing for skinny white guys, maybe I should stop going to the gym?” before he could tease you even more you quickly shouted out a “No!” 

“If you stop going to the gym, it better be for yourself, you know I love you no matter what,” you said giving him a big hug. He kissed your forehead as you both fell back into a comfortable silence.

An hour had passed and you both finally finished the movie. You got up from the bed, stretching your body since you were both lying down on the bed. Chan was still on the bed, stretched out like a starfish. “What should we do next? Do you want to play a board game?” you asked trying to put all the dishes you guys ate from earlier away. 

“Yeah we can do that, I think it would be fun,” you said whilst pulling out Monopoly from the stack of board games you both had accumulated over the last two years of Friday game nights with the rest of the members. 

“If you get park place again, I will never talk to you again.” 

“Chan stop being such a baby,” you said while rolling your eyes. “You love it though,” he said whilst pouting, placing a kiss on your cheek. 

You both finally got into the groove of playing the game, giggling at each other throughout it. “Hey! You are cheating, you can’t steal money from the bank.” Chan said swatting your hand away from the pile of money lying on his bed. “Oh come on,” you groaned, “I purposely gave you Park Place this time.”

“What! I won that place fair and square.” he looked at you with a confused face. “You keep telling yourself that Channie,” you said patting his cheek. 

“Oh, you wanna play that game?” he said while dragging you on top of his lap messing up the game along the way. “I was about to win” you whined. “Were you, were you really?” he said while kissing your lips. 

“Yes!” you said while kissing him back. “If you want to play a game, I have a great one for us to play,” he said with his signature smirk. “Mhm, and what would that be?” 

“We still have this die,” he said while rolling it in his hands, “let’s have some fun with it.”

“What do you have in mind” you asked looking up to him, still on his lap. “Why don’t we play a game? You roll the dice two times, and I multiply whatever it is.”

“Okay?” you asked a bit confused. “Sweetheart, you didn’t let me finish. Whatever that number is, is the number of times I’ll thrust into you.”  He said with a coy smile, “Don’t you think that will be fun baby?” 

You hesitantly agreed, thinking that, with luck by your side, you would roll all 5’s and 6’s, but you were so wrong. 

“Please Channie, I just need you to fuck me” you pleaded. You were underneath him, his cock rutting in and out of you to whatever you rolled the dice to. “Please, I need you in me,” you whined. 

“But I’m already in you unless you want me to stop?” he said while slowly slipping out of you. “Wait!” you stopped him and he stilled in you. You quickly rolled the dice twice, not wanting him to stop. “You rolled three twice, so that means 9 thrusts doesn’t it? Should we make the best of it sweetheart?” he said whilst rubbing your clit. 

You just nodded, wanting to feel him inside of you. He slowly thrust inside of you, wanting you to feel every inch of his cock, every vein as your pussy clenched around him. “You are such a good girl, taking my cock so well.”

His words made you clench around him, moaning at the way he was hitting so deep inside of you. You could cum with just his cock inside of you, the stretch being so big that he had to always prep you so well, just to take it. But him fucking you so sensually and slowly was getting you nowhere. 

“I need more” you moaned, feeling him particularly deep inside of you. “Awe, is my cock not enough? Do you need to get fucked like a slut? I don’t think I can do that baby, you gotta take it like a good girl. Maybe roll higher next time and I can fuck you faster.” 

It was torture and he knew it, you were squirming underneath him. “Roll again,” he said while kissing your forehead and you did “6 and 6 this time sweetheart, guess I’m going a bit faster.” 

He began pounding into you and you couldn’t control yourself “Fuck daddy, it feels so good.” You didn’t mean to say that, you had never called him daddy before and you had no idea how he would react, before you could even apologize, he began pounding into you.

“Fuck baby, you like that? Do you need daddy to fuck you til you forget your own name?” you just moaned, he was fucking you so good your tongue was loling out to the side. “Come on baby, answer daddy. Do you like my cock fucking into you like the little slut you are?” 

“Yes daddy, so good daddy, I’m gonna cum” you said as he began circling your clit simultaneously. You couldn’t control yourself, he was pounding into you so well 

“Fuck baby, be a good girl and cum for me, cum on daddy’s cock okay. You can do that for daddy right baby?” you just nodded, your walls squeezing him tighter as he started thrusting inside of you harder. “Will be a good girl for daddy, gonna cum on his cock” you hiccuped as you finally felt that strand in your stomach snap. 

You were cumming all over his cock as he continued to rut inside of you. “Where do you want me to cum baby? Where do you want daddy to cum?” 

“Inside of me please” you whimpered and he started pounding into you. “Fuck want daddy’s cum don’t you baby? Want daddy to fill you up.” 

“Fuck” he groaned as he stilled inside of you painting your walls with his hot cum. He laid next to you, still inside. “Where did the daddy come from baby?” he asked kissing your forehead. “I have no idea, but I’m glad I did because I think that was the best orgasm I’ve ever had,” you said with a giggle.

[art-tnt]

It's may be an odd question but do you think you could maybe post a couple tips of anatomy and/or proportion that helped you sometime? I notice I have a hard time learning from videos or guides, but sometimes when I learn on my own or hear someone else's personal experience it just clicks and it's nice.

I know this may sound strange, but for me it was a class I took with Matt Faulkner, who had a very refreshing approach to mark making and drawing from life. We did have a live model, and drawing people from life teaches you two important things that books cannot: textbook anatomy is idealized, not everybody will look like that and foreshortening and perspective are things that are easier to see in person (at least, for me they were).

As you draw things like that over and over, you will build a mental library that will help you draw those tougher perspectives from imagination. I still use a reference, because the human body can bend and distort in a lot of ways and I am nowhere near having all of that memorized, and WE DON’T HAVE TO! If it gets committed to memory, great! But artists should never feel shame from using a reference because that is how we learn and that is how we improve. Even professionals use a reference.

The mark making that Matt taught us was a little different than some of the other classes I had been through in the past. I typically would draw a human with basic shapes and a “wire-frame” skeleton for my foundational rough sketch, but Matt would have us start drawing our figures with different lines. Contour lines, is just drawing the outside of what you’re observing, while periodically flashing your eyes at the paper. Blind contour would have us looking only at our subject and drawing what we were seeing without ever picking up the pencil (some of these actually turn out pretty cool).

Volumetric drawing was the one that I had never come across before. Matt uses a lot of crosshatching and volume lines in his work. See the below example:

The way this applies to anatomy is that his way of volumetric drawing is helpful in finding the space that your figure takes up. Sometimes Matt would have us draw our figure with ONLY volumetric lines. It would look like a tornado person, but this practice wasn’t to make something visually appealing, it was to help us train our brain and our eyes to see the volume. In that volumetric study we would be wrapping lines in a width and curvature that followed the subject. Here is a visual example of a volumetric drawing by Monika Zagrobelna that shows what I mean:

The volumetric drawing helps to grasp how much space something takes up, whereas the wire-frame doesn’t really convey that kind of information. A lot of people reference the Andrew Loomis books and Figure Drawing For All It’s Worth [ISBN: 978-0857680983] is a good resource to learn from. But Loomis does idealize the standard figures in his works and books. I am not saying don’t draw like him! There is nothing wrong with his style! Just don’t fall into the assumption that every body type will align exactly with the proportions and measurements that he covers. For example, he usually has a standard height that male and female figures are drawn at and certain points where knees are expected to reach and other body part milestones:

It is a guideline, and it is useful, but I found that the best exercise that you can do is to do a study on separate pages. No one taught me this, I just did it out of curiosity to see how it would go. Set one aside for male and one for female. First, draw your standard Loomis figure, then get five other male/female reference photos (or drawn from life if you can) of people with different body types. Try drawing them from observation and see how much of the Loomis concept applies to them. You’ll find that you can bend a lot of the Loomis ideas to fit, but you have to throw out some things entirely in order to accurately portray your subject (like the number of heads tall something has to be, or posture, for example).

Hopefully, despite that being a little long-winded of me, you found this experience helpful? Everyone learns differently, so I feel your struggle. I am a big visual learner and need to see what is happening with something to understand it. I also learn best by struggling. So what were the “aha” moments for me, may not necessarily work for another, but it is here if you can find any value or use in it.

[udretlnea]

The Divine City: Some Slices of Life

Part 1 \ Part 2 \ Part 3 (here) \ Part 4

It wasn’t my fault. So no, you can’t blame me. I didn’t know anything and thus didn’t know what to expect. It hadn't even been an hour when there came a loud crash where I organized the swords to realize something was wrong. Very wrong.

Oh no, here it comes- the blacksmith apprentice mentally braced himself.

“Andre! Git over here!” A thick, deep voice yelled from several rooms over.

The teen opened his mouth. “Yes sir!”

He stepped quickly into the front desk of the store. To his left were several silver swords lying on the ground. Andre wasted no time picking them up carefully and replaced them on the shelves. With a polite bow, he retreated to the forge as quickly as he entered.

The apprentice sat back in front of the anvil. His gaze leveled at the furnace as he watched with observant eyes. Currently, his job was to maintain the fire and make sure it wouldn’t go out. Andre silently reminisced while observing the flames. 

“Come here boy,” Master Hugh beckoned him over to the furnace. A young Andre grimaced as the temperature increased when he stepped closer. The kid pulled out a chair and leaned forward to watch.

Master Hugh picked up a pair of tongs. With dexterity that contrasted with his bulky, towering form he picked up a white hot rectangular piece of metal and placed it on the anvil. He got to hammering immediately. It got flatter with every swing until it was practically flat as paper.

Then, the blacksmith picked it up again and dunked it in a bucket of water. Steam hissed as the metal was cooled almost immediately. After several seconds, Hugh inserted it back into the furnace. The process repeated itself several times over until it produced a sharp blade piece for a sword.

Master Hugh picked up an empty grip and laid it out. He carefully inserted it into a slot and proudly held it in the light.

Andre sighed. That memory was one of many that he cherished. A part of him thought it was childish, but it couldn’t deny that that was what gave him a reason to get out of bed every morning.

He wordlessly got up to pump more air into the fire to prevent it from going out. Andrew was about to sit down when he heard footsteps approaching.

Master Hugh’s wide body took up the whole door frame. Light brown eyes zeroed in on the apprentice. 

“Andre. I need to go meet a potential client over by the commerce district,” said the stocky man. He walked around the teen to hang his apron on the wall before grabbing a plain brown cloak. “I need you to watch the store for a while.”

“You want me to…man the store?” He repeated with wide eyes.

“Aye. And don’t worry about customers because the lunch rush has ended. I imagine people will be busy preparing for Volksfest and all that. But still, try not to mess it up like ya did with the sword display, eh?” The blacksmith smirked.

Andre distantly felt his ears grow red. In lieu of a response he simply nodded. Without another word, Master Hugh walked out of the room. The distant sound of a door opening and closing told Andre he was now alone.

Andre let himself forget about maintaining the furnace. He went to his room where he examined his appearance. Using his fingers to comb his short black hair back, he did his best to look appropriate. At least, as appropriate as a teenager in an apron and plain clothes could in a highly respectable shop.

Still, managing the store shouldn’t be terribly difficult. I’ve seen Master Hugh do it enough times that it’s practically embedded in memory! He thought as he went to the counter with a chair in hand. 

Andre rested his hands on both cheeks as he stared out the window. Behind the glass, scores of people were walking past. He absentmindedly began counting the number of people who were merchants or civilians as if determined to make some kind of mental record.

The count had gone up to 201 civilians and 99 merchants when the door opened. 

Andre automatically put on a smile and recited a line almost robotically. “Welcome! Feel free to browse our wares. Claymores are in the back by the way.”

The customer that entered was a young lady - probably a teenager judging from her looks - with blonde hair and red eyes. She wore a simple green dress under a plain tan coat. Not exactly what Andre would call “loaded with money,” but he wasn’t complaining. 

She blinked at him as if registering who just greeted her. Andre saw confusion in her eyes before it settled on acceptance. He sat up straight when she made her way to him.

“Do you have any knives?” the girl asked, crossing her arms with what Andre thought was a guarded expression.

What kind of ominous sounding question is that? He thought bemusedly. Andre nodded. “Yeah!”

He pointed to a shelf in the far corner where they usually kept the more general supplies.

The girl nodded as thanks. She came back with a single knife, then fished out a small pouch of Mora. “Thank you for having these in stock. This was literally the the third place I stopped at. I can’t believe that no other shops here sell-”

She paused as if she suddenly realized she was talking out loud. “Er, anyway. I appreciate the good service here.”

Andre thought she was embarrassed since she sputtered that out quickly. The girl turned and left as quickly as she entered. 

The apprentice made a mental note of the vent before returning to idle mode. Hours passed into the evening and Andre just switched the sign’s shop to closed when he heard the back door open. Heavy footsteps made their way to the front.

“Welcome back Master-” Andre turned to see his teacher covered head to toe in…white powder? “Uh…did everything go okay?”

The man simply grunted in response. He disappeared into the hallway.

///////////////

A/N: Andre...Andre. He's definitely one of the simpler characters I've ever written. Dude wants to follow in his master's footsteps. I'm 110% sure that point was made, but it's pleasing enough to me.

Last one before stuff hits the fan and things can really get going. I can't wait to shake things up!

///////////////

"Sir": Hm. Apart from the drawing lacing texture I'd say this chapter was a success.

P-34: Indeed. And Andre seems like a reliable fellow.

"Sir": The thing about blacksmiths is that you can rely on them to make a good weapon. Usually.

P-34: Speaking of, did ya see what happened with Hugh back there?

"Sir": Bro, how can I not? I can't believe we got that on camera!

P-34: I know-huh? Keyboard clicking That's...odd.

"Sir": What's wrong?

P-34: I'm getting readings. From the vault? But it's been dormant for years...

"Sir": I'll go check it out. Stay here and keep monitoring for energy signatures. Hopefully it's just a false alarm.

[ruminate88]

Disconnected and Self Worth😭

06/19/24

The people in my circle keep showing me all this love and are there for me. Doing things for me and expressing their dearest feelings and intentions for me …. However, inside all I feel is “just let me go please” I just wanna fall into an abyss and drown. I HATE this awful feeling. I believe these people care because I don’t have a choice. They’re all I have and yet I get so caught up in the past, ruminating when these men lied to me, decieved me, rejected me and treated me like I’m not worthy to exist. 😓 Not just one of them but 3 of them made me feel like a complete loser. ❤️‍🩹 I know it’s not true!!

Men that I loved. I didn’t want to love the 1st one, Jake. I wasn’t attracted to him at all but some conversations we shared were really good and comforting but all the rest was of him attacking me at every corner. Calling me a racist and a bigot. Treating me like I’m only good enough for sex. Exploiting my nudes on his social media to “get back at me” for not wanting to be his whatever he wanted to be. He made creepy comments to me like, “If I ever got you pregnant, I would marry you…” 🥴🥴 uh… yuck. Never. I would NEVER let you touch me but he was always there in my face for YEARS. I blocked his number more than once but some how I always found myself talking to him again. There was just so much mystery that turned into history.

Then Cody was there when I posted a suicide note and that’s a HUGE DEAL!! He talked me off the ledge, got my trust but then shattered my trust… I knew Jake was creepy but somehow thought Cody was special and not a creep. I believed Cody was just having a hard time and the way he showed up for me originally, I thought Cody had my back… however, there were times in conversation I could sorta sense cody had a little jealousy for me and low-key he was putting me down but it was a grey line. However Cody ghosted me and I lost all heart. I was a dead woman walking for months. I saw no light or hope and some days even questioned if I was breathing.

5/6 months later, I meet Andrew… Andrew appeared so young and innocent. Often treating me like his caretaker. Making me feel constantly needed and wanted. Coming to me with his cries and using me for comfort. He played upon my ability to be nurturing and caring. I became crazy over the idea of me being his source of care and love. I wanted to spoil him and give him all of me. He wasn’t so “innocent” though. He was just sly and cunning with me. Getting me to constantly praise him and be at his beck and call. I believe now he had a hidden agenda the whole time. He was never going to support me or marry me. His whole intentions seemed to be based off of superficial gratification and to tare me down. I had so much to offer and he wanted to take it all and shred it. Maybe I’m wrong but that’s how he made me feel. After we break up, he’s still finding excuses to talk to me and just like Jake, makes me feel like I’m only good for sex but nothing else. Then he wanted to put me away quietly because he had a new girlfriend and I felt he was adding me to his trophy case of “prizes” and acting like, “Oh this is my prize I won and she can sit nicely on my shelf but I’ll only acknowledge her when I feel like it.” Nooooo 😣😭😠 I’m not going to sit on your shelf and wait for you. I broke up with him when I realized probably I was just a fun game for him. 💔💔💔

After these men, I still believe in love. I still got married to someone else and I’ve been forcing and pushing myself to believe in it all and to give it my best shot. Trying to convince myself I can trust people still and that I’m safe. I know I blocked Jake and Andrew’s number and if either of them tried to bother me through another way, my new man would probably threaten them. (He’s threatened Andrew once before) ugh I’m trying so hard to be ok. I’m NOT giving up!!! I’m trying ONE DAY AT A TIME ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[widgenstain]

Alright, almost a week later, here is my review of Vanya and the night I saw it. Autocorrect didn't let me type this on my phone in my grimy bunk bed and that cold got me good, but here are my thoughts! @itsathingialwayssay , @shegottosayit , @illfayted17 this might interest you. Be aware, there are spoilers for the play as well as the production behind the read more.

I saw the play on Monday September 25th, so my opinions are based on that evening, can’t say anything about other nights!

I’ll start with some negatives:

The theatre. Not so much the interior or the personnel, who are absolutely lovely, but why oh why did I have to hear the trains throughout the whole performance?! At first, I thought it was on purpose, with it being the Russian country side, so you might hear some trains here and there, but no, it’s Charing Cross that you hear. Also it’s freaking expensive, but we knew that.

Secondly, I was annoyed by the audience. It was a surprisingly large number of classic elderly theatre goers, who all seemed to enjoy themselves a lot (except for one guy who snored), some teenagers dragged there by their parents (or the promise of seeing Moriarty) and some assholes, like the ladies next to me. One came in after the first act, prosecco in hand, they whispered to each other during weird moments and generally seemed bored and/or disappointed. Which is their prerogative, you don’t have to like everything I do, but with these two it seemed… performative.

Also, about the standing ovations: I get Andrew’s critique, it’s dumb if you feel like you MUST do it, but the fact is, that in a theatre that small, you don’t get to see the person bowing, if you don’t stand up. So yeah, people stood up, I did too (because unlike in Austria where you clap for like 5 minutes if you DIDN’T like it and for like 30 if you did, in the UK they only come out to take a bow once or twice and I wanted to see him), but these two ladies just left with sourpuss faces.

Thirdly the cigarettes. I knew he was going to smoke on stage, what I wasn’t prepared for was them smelling this bad. They’re not normal cigarettes, they’re of the self-rolled, cheap student tobacco kind, that you only really use for blunts. They reeked. If you’re in the first few rows, I’m sorry.

Fourthly, I don’t know if the play really lent itself to a one man show. Don’t get me wrong, I loved what Simon did with it, the way he mostly cut out the love rivalry between Vanya and the doctor, and shifted the focus more on Helena was a great decision. It made the play more cohesive and boiled it down to its message quicker. Loved the modern language and the Britishisms (could have dealt without the name changes, no one is called Vanya in a play named Vanya) and it was truly laugh out loud funny at times, which is great, because I’m depressed enough without listening to depressed Russian people for a full show.

But still, while it all worked in the end, I think there are plays better suited for this treatment. I have spoken to shegottosayit about this, but I also think they kinda expected a familiarity with the play, because it helps you following the plot. I talked to two girls in the queue outside though and they weren’t familiar with the play and understood it well, so what do I know.

Which brings me to the great stuff. The whole thing starts with Andrew just wandering on stage, smiling into the audience, switching off our lights and turning them on on stage. As if to communicate, ok, we’re in the theatre, you’re here to watch a play, I am an actor doing that play, like we’re all in on a joke. He starts with the different characters and they all have an identifier. For example, Vanya has his sunglasses, Helena her chain, Sonya her dishrag and it’s all nice, haha, see the actor is using props, so you know who is who, it’s simple and harmless. That’s how he gets you. Because he doesn’t need them and over the course of the play he starts playing and fucking with them and it’s SO GOOD!

He doesn’t change his voice much between characters, except the two “funny” ones (and maybe Alexander), there he goes a bit into more comical registers, but for the main characters he pretty much uses the same voice. And you still can tell them apart! Because he changes posture, his body language, yes, his tone, but not his voice and the levels of masculinity and femininity (in a traditional sense), yet he never veers into camp or offensive (that aspect really fed into my unpopular opinion on the whole “straight actors in gay roles” discourse, which I will never talk about). It’s incredible to watch how fast and seamlessly he does that and how effortless too. That’s the craziest thing about watching him act, he makes it seem easy, as if it’s nothing to him.

And the faces. The theatre has opera binoculars you can rent for one pound, I forgot my glasses (mild myopia, objects further away get blurry after a long day, especially if they’re an actor I’m watching from the second to last row), so I was super glad to have them and look at his face close up. What did I see? He changes faces. I’ve seen him do it before, but in this it’s instantly and so quickly! I’m not gonna lie, it’s a bit creepy how he can change his facial shape somehow and go from sweet Sonya to hardened Ivan Vanya. It’s not just countenance or expressions, it’s something else and wow is it impressive! But a bit scary too once you think about it. ^^’

Also “zooming in” on him really cleared up something I’ve been wondering about ever since I’ve seen King Lear: One of Andrew’s biggest shortcomings on film can be that he sometimes comes across as too much, as a bit over the top. It is a theatre actor thing and he’s not the only one doing it (especially not in King Lear) and yes, that completely disappears live on stage. He acts for the whole house, but it always feels natural.

The one thing that felt a little bit forced was the singing in the end, he's right, he’s not a good singer (sorry!) and it took me out a little bit. The ending of Vanya is beautiful and heartfelt, I get what they wanted to achieve with him singing “If you go away”, it was a pause, a mood setter, but I think there are better ways to do this than through a musical interlude. That said, I saw A Little Life the other night, which is by the same production company, they made poor James Norton sing too and compared to him Andrew sings like an angel. So maybe I’m just a massive snob (hint: I am).

The other things that took me out a little were the sex scenes. Yeah, sex scenes in a one man play where the original play has none (at least not explicitly so). Damn, it’s been almost a week and my mind is still reeling from them. Did I like them? I have no fucking clue! I seriously need to talk to someone who didn’t have Andrew star in all her lonely sexy fantasies for the past 4 years, because I need to know how they affected someone with a normal, working brain who is not me.

I was torn between “wtf is going on” “JESUS HE TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF” “…you’re watching a dude make out with himself…” “…the sounds…” “don’t look at his naked back while he’s humping the stage, that’s rude, OH GOD YES LOOK AT HIS NAKED BACK, LOOK AT IT MOVE”. The second scene was even worse, because he’s standing up against a door, entangles his fucking impressive arms and moans as the lady while you see him move as the guy. Which was, yes, hotconfusingweird too, but I could have dealt with it, if he hadn’t mimed the penetration literally two seconds before and my brain just short-circuited and disappeared downstairs. The third confusingly hot thing happens in the end, when the doctor says his goodbyes. It’s actually a very good and touching scene, it has been set up that he’s falling into alcoholism and now that all his endeavours are nil, he downs more than half a bottle of vodka. We’ve all seen Andrew chug that beer in The Town and he does it here as well, but it takes a while and it’s so quiet in the theatre that you can hear him swallow and cry all the way through. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Seriously though, there are more than one moment when the whole theatre is just stock-still. I mean, people laughed and reacted, again, one guy snored, I sighed a lot at Sonya (#ohlookitme), but in the important moments the theatre was dead quiet. Except for Charing Cross, of course.

When I left the theatre, my brain was buzzing and I walked out right into the backstage area. I read “backstage to the right” and was ready to walk to the right, even though no one was there. Except that stupid me HAD to ask the security, who I recognised from pics and the Cyrano backstage, if that was the way to the signings. And no, it wasn’t, that’s literally in front of the theatre (and honestly, probably why there are no selfies allowed this time, if they were, people would block that busy street for hours), I was walking towards the actual stage door. If I had had just one ounce of more self-confidence, I just could have kept on walking into the dressing rooms, God damnit!! (I’m kidding, I would never do that, and it would most likely get me banned for life, but still, it was a funny situation and that security was actually really nice and cool).

As for the signing, it’s a straight-forward affair, you line up, you move forwards, he signs your stuff, you move on (except if you’re an old lady, but more of that later). I soaked him in in all my manic brain overloaded happiness while waiting for my turn though, and the first thing I noticed was that he isn’t as short as people pretend he is. Yes, he wore some trainers with a thicker sole, but with them he wasn’t that much shorter than I am. Perfect height, for eye-contact, just saying.

Second thing was that he’s in the shape of his life, dear Lord! I always read him as wiry, which can look buff on screen, but no, he’s genuinely, proper buff. Those are some serious arms and just generally he’s wider than I would have expected. Other than that, he looks pretty much exactly like he does on screen. Some actors don’t, they’re either plainer or prettier (Anne-Marie Duff, she really was fucked over by some cruel form of unphotogenicness) in fact, the second night I went there I saw Sam Yates (he shook my hand :D) and he does not look like he does in pics for example. Andrew does. He has a fascinating and alive face and looks just like he did in that Vanity Fair video, except without the orange goo.

The first night I saw Simon Stephens coming out the stage door too and I literally hopped over to him, beaming like a loon. He and the people he was with were SO nice and so helpful, he signed my version of Vanya (the German edition) and I could actually voice my thoughts (which I couldn’t with Andrew) and tell him how much his interviews have helped me through the lockdowns and how I admire his writing, bla bla bla.

Anyway, I made him laugh, he shook my hand and said “it was a pleasure meeting you [widge’s real name]” in which moment my jaw literally did that looney tunes thing and dropped to my chest. Night was MADE, you don’t understand how much!

[Here I cut out a large chunk of extra thoughts to allow myself to post this in the tags]

Anyway, back to the old lady, she was the one who made Andrew laugh during the signing (LOVE that laugh), I passed her on the way back to the train and had to talk to her. She was a proper lady, dressed elegantly and she was the first damn person outside the theatre who understood my need to DISCUSS the play! Everyone else in the line was talking about other things, I had to PROCESS what had happened. She and her assistant were so cool, and she said she’d absolutely loved it and had a ton of other well thought through opinions on it. Big fan of her, no idea what her name is, but we all should get some cool older ladies to talk about theatre with, when our brains are buzzing with so many new impressions!

I aimlessly wandered on over the Thames after that, sat down in some red paint on the way, which made my jeans look interesting for the rest of the trip and had to just move for a while to cool down. I did go to the queue the next day too, just to be a little less tongue tied around Andrew (it did not work, whatsoever xD), but that was the day Joe Alwyn and a fox made an appearance, so it was totally worth it. As was the whole international camaraderie in the queue. Honestly, I’ve missed that, just people being excited about something together, I got hugged by a tiny Indian (?) girl and a Russian lady, all because we’re a bunch of excited nerds outside of theatre. It felt fucking great.

[she-karev]

Girl's Night In (April Kepner x Alex Karev’s Sister Friendship Imagine)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Five

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Summary: At April’s insistence Amber listens to the voicemail from Andrew that takes her by surprise.

Words: 1265

Chapters Links: 1,2,3,4,5

March 25th, 2020

Amber stands under the waterfall shower of Jackson’s bathroom enjoying this warm and blissful moment to herself. The dark hair dye streams down her back and into the shower drain below her feet. She tries to wash the stress of Andrew’s pending voicemail down the drain but it doesn’t work. If only pain and humiliation can be so easily remedied.

Her blissful moment is cut short when she hears a knocking on the glass shower stall. She opens her eyes to find the knocker was April who stands outside the stall wearing a shower cap from the red hair dye Amber just applied before going to wash her hair of the excess.

“Hey you still got 30 minutes left get out.”

“Trust me I wouldn’t interrupt you especially when your hurt and pissy but I have something you should hear.” April holds up Amber’s phone showing the voicemails, more specifically the one from Andrew that was opened.

Amber widens her eyes at the phone and gets angry at April for violating her privacy and listening to the voicemail, “What the hell is wrong with you? I told you I didn’t-”

“Want to listen to the message I know but I had to listen to see if it’s as bad as you think it is and if it was, I would have deleted it and spare you from more pain.” Amber opens her mouth to object, but April keeps talking, “And before you strangle me just take a second to remember when you interfered in my personal life and betrayed my confidence by going to my ex and telling him about my divorce after I explicitly told you not to.”

Amber closes her mouth but is still glaring at April who looks unashamed, “Now were even.”

Amber groans and turns off the shower before coming out naked in front of April who widens her eyes, “Wow you obviously don’t have boundary issues.”

Amber wraps a towel around herself, “I guess we have something in common after all, delete the damn message. Hell block his number I am not subjecting myself to this crap anymore, I grew out of it and I am not gonna get back in.”

April still holds out the phone to Amber in the middle of the bathroom, “I would agree with you full heartedly but before you do you should really listen to this message he left you.” Amber scoffs, “Amber, I like you. On and off but you’re not just Jackson’s friend, your mine and as a friend I wouldn’t open your heart to another dagger thrown by your ex. I am telling you to listen to this message and you can decide then if you hear the man you love on the other side or not.” Amber narrows her eyes at April who continues, “At this point he can’t hurt you worse than he already has can he?”

Amber stews in her anger holding the towel around her before grabbing her phone from April’s hand and pressing the message and holding the phone against her ear.

‘Hey it’s me…I’m sorry.’

Amber stops surprised to hear not manic ramblings or erratic backlash but sincerity and calmness that she was sure she would never hear again from Andrew. She was sure the mania was gonna eat the man she loved alive and leave her with another mental case to hurt her. But instead, she hears the calm and gentle man she fell in love with. She listens to the message as it keeps going.

‘I am so sorry for all of it. I am taking my meds and going to therapy, and I know now that you were right to worry, and I was wrong to lash out. I know it doesn’t make up for it now, but I want to if you’ll let me. Can we please meet and talk? I want to talk and see if…see if I can get us back to where we were before I screwed everything up. I love you, I miss you and I promise I can be better. Okay good night.’

The message ends and Amber is processing the message for a few moments with April looking at her in suspense for her reaction. Instead of reacting Amber walks out the bathroom with the towel wrapped around her leaving April who looks shocked. April snaps out of it and follows Amber to her room where she changes into her pajamas.

“Well?”

Amber puts her sweater on and turns to April, “Well what?”

April’s eyes widen, “Are you gonna call him back and talk to him?”

“Talk about what? About how he compared me to my horrible parents and kicked me out of our apartment?” Amber recounts still feeling the heartbreak she is trying so hard to mend, “Or how he left on his motorcycle and only came back for Webber and not for me?”

April winces at that but persists, “He seemed sincere on the message maybe he’ll be sincere about making it up to you.”

Amber scoffs, “Why would I want to make up with him? After everything he did to me? I am not some country singer in a music video who goes back to the man who hits her I know my limits and I told him that I reached it with him. And suddenly he thinks I can go back on my word and be his punching bag again?

“It’s not like he wanted to hurt you of his own free mind. He was manic and the illness-”

“That’s why I can’t go back!” Amber tells April in a broken voice before lying down on her bed in despair staring at the ceiling, “My mother’s schizophrenia hurt me, my brothers nearly killed me and my boyfriend’s mania kicked me to the curb after getting me to trust and love him. I have had too much crazy in my life, and I have been neglected, abused and almost killed because of it. I can’t be in that again; I can’t date that! I told him I was done with that life I told him that and he still…” Amber grabs a pillow and screams into it frustrated.

April stands by frozen by Amber screaming into the pillow that takes her by surprise. It lasts for a few seconds before Amber puts it away and continues, “Oh god he told me to leave April he-he was the one who said we were over.”

April sits next to Amber who puts her hands over her face trying to keep herself from crying, “Okay look I’ve known you and DeLuca for a long time, and I can see the love you two share and it is something out of this world. And in this dark and unfamiliar world we need as many people as we can to help us brave the storm. I know he hurt you and you’re right that you have been a victim of mental outbursts for too long and I think you should hear what he has to say. If he’s sincere in his guilt and he wants to make things right and if you want that too then maybe you can work through this. If not then it’s not meant to be after all.”

Amber groans as she keeps staring at the ceiling, “…I need a drink. Or 20.”

April nods understanding Amber doesn’t want to talk about it anymore, “Well lucky for us my ex-husband has very expensive liquor downstairs, let’s go!” April pulls Amber off the bed so they can continue their girl’s night.

Next Part Here

[silvermoose]

Learning to Fly

Originally posted to Reddit, then Ao3. Inspired by this art:

https://twitter.com/Aweopalta2/status/1745842073335394629

___

“Hi Andrew,” the voice said. Ashley hadn’t heard the phone ring for the buzzer, or the knock at the door, but hearing her say Andy’s name woke Ashley up from a dead sleep.

“Heyy,” he said in turn, followed by some giggling. Ashley hated her giggling. Hated her voice. Hated her. And now she was here, in sacred ground: Ashley’s home. She shot straight up from the couch to greet her.

“Hi Julia,” Ashley said, using the voice specifically reserved for her. “How are classes? Still failing chemistry?”

“Oh, uh, hi Ashley, I didn’t know you were here. Uh, classes are-”

“Don’t answer her,” Andrew said, “we were just leaving.” He slammed the door behind him, and Ashley was alone in the apartment.

Hussy, she thought, and checked the clock. 2:37. If they go straight to her dorm, they’ll be there by 3. I can probably get him back by 4. She picked up the phone and dialed her number.

Hi! You’ve reached Julia’s room. Sorry I didn’t answer! Leave a message, and I’ll call you back!

“Heyyyyy Andy,” Ashley cooed. “You left so fast, I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye! And now I’m home alone, you know how much I hate that. Why would you do that to me?”

She got up and went to the balcony, to see if they were somehow just leaving; nothing there. Went downstairs, to see if they were still in the lobby; not there. Back to the apartment. 2:49.

Hi! You’ve reached Julia’s room. Sorry I didn’t answer! Leave a message, and I’ll call you back!

“Annndyyy, I hope you’re not gone for too long. It sucks being alone, no one is answering their phone. I hate it, I hate it so much, I don’t know what to do with myself.”

Ashley looked around; he remembered to take his cigarettes and lighter, so she didn’t have any leverage there. 2:53.

Hi! You’ve reached Julia’s room. Sorry I didn’t answer! Leave a message, and I’ll call you back!

“Maybe I do know what to do with myself. I’ll teach myself to fly; I’ll start by jumping off the balcony. Or would I need more time in the air? I’ll jump off the roof instead.”

She flipped through the channels on tv; all commercials. 2:56.

Hi! You’ve reached Julia’s room. Sorry I didn’t answer-

“Julia, you’re such an awful person. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, why you think it would be okay to take your boyfriend away from his family. This is why all the kids in school talked about you behind your back.”

2:58

Hi! You’ve reached Julia-

“I bet they all talk about you behind your back there, too. Nobody wants to be your friend, you’re too pathetic. They just talk to you out of pity.”

3:00

Hi! You’ve reached-

“I bet they all wish you were dead! Everyone does!”

3:01

Hi!-

“I sure do! Then you would leave my fucking brother alone!”

3:03

“Ashley. What do you want?” “Hey An-dy,” she felt overcome with relief. “Andrew,” he corrected. “I was so worried, I didn’t know where you were going!” “Apparently you did, because we’re talking. What do you want?” “Medicine. I’m sick.” “You’re fine.” “I have a fever. And a headache.” “Take a painkiller, we have plenty.” “If I take them all, then I’m sure I’ll feel much better!” “...” “...” “... fine. I’ll leave in an hour-” “NOW, ANDY!” She hung up, and settled back on the couch to try the TV again.

—

you won't get in trouble now.” “For murder? They don't really let that one slide, Jules.” “...” “I'm in so much pain, Julia.” “I'm here for you Andrew.” “I love you, Julia.” “I love you too.”

Ashley walked away, she couldn't take any more of this. She lay back down on the couch. Everything she had ever done she had done for them, for him. But all he wanted to do was run. If they couldn't be together, what was it all for?

She could apologize, but he wouldn't believe it. Years of thinking that Andy-no, Andrew- loved her, but he never said it. Never even acknowledged it without her first asking about it.

Yet he tells her he loves her first. He told her our secret, our bond. And he wants to leave. I'll be alone; he knows I hate that.

She heard the door open and covered her eyes with her arm so they couldn't see her tears. She heard the fridge open and close, and someone walk over. Is Andy bringing me something? She wondered.

“For when you wake up,” Julia said, placing the ginger ale on the table beside the couch. “I'm sorry we couldn't be friends.”

She heard the door close to the bedroom. She lay in silence for a while until she heard the hussy giggling again. She got up and took the ginger ale to the balcony.

She threw the ginger ale as far as she could, watched as it hit the pavement and cracked, spraying the soda everywhere. She sat down and looked out to the neighborhood, but she couldn't think. Her leg kept bouncing, she couldn't stop it, so she went inside.

She walked by her room again; she could hear faint sounds of her brother and his whore defiling her room. She looked around and found his cigarettes, grabbed them and his lighter. She almost slammed the door to the balcony, but stopped; I'll give you the peace you want.

She lit up a cigarette, finished it and lit another. They were her first, and she hated them, but it gave her something to do. After what seemed like forever, her brother came out to the balcony, with the faint smell of sex on him.

“Give me those,” he said, and grabbed the cigarettes and lighter from the table. He left without saying anything else. Ashley went to the railing and looked below. After a few minutes, she saw them leave the building; he smoked and they talked and laughed. She watched them leave as he walked her to the bus station, and saw him look up when returned. She looked at him with pleading eyes, that he might see into her heart and forgive her; but his face was blank, and he walked back inside.

I wonder if I could fly from here, or if I'd need to jump from the roof.

[docholligay]

GRAND FINAL RUNNING ORDER

🇦🇹 Austria | Teya & Salena - Who The Hell Is Edgar?

🇵🇹 Portugal | Mimicat - Ai Coração

🇨🇭 Switzerland | Remo Forrer - Watergun

🇵🇱 Poland | Blanka - Solo

🇷🇸 Serbia | Luke Black - Samo Mi Se Spava

🇫🇷 France: La Zarra - Évidemment

🇨🇾 Cyprus | Andrew Lambrou - Break A Broken Heart

🇪🇸 Spain: Blanca Paloma - Eaea

🇸🇪 Sweden | Loreen - Tattoo

🇦🇱 Albania | Albina & Familja Kelmendi - Duje

🇮🇹 Italy: Marco Mengoni - Due Vite

🇪🇪 Estonia | Alika - Bridges

🇫🇮 Finland | Käärijä - Cha Cha Cha

🇨🇿 Czechia | Vesna - My Sister's Crown

🇦🇺 Australia | Voyager - Promise

🇧🇪 Belgium | Gustaph - Because Of You

🇦🇲 Armenia | Brunette - Future Lover

🇲🇩 Moldova | Pasha Parfeni - Soarele şi Luna

🇺🇦 Ukraine: TVORCHI - Heart of Steel

🇳🇴 Norway | Alessandra - Queen of Kings

🇩🇪 Germany: Lord of the Lost - Blood & Glitter

🇱🇹 Lithuania | Monika Linkytė - Stay

🇮🇱 Israel | Noa Kirel - Unicorn

🇸🇮 Slovenia | Joker Out - Carpe Diem

🇭🇷 Croatia | Let 3 - Mama ŠČ!

🇬🇧 United Kingdom: Mae Muller - I Wrote A Song

Thoughts:

THEY KILLED MY GIRL. Opening isn’t great for Austria, but they put Portugal in the kill spot. I know she’s not a favorite to win but COME ON.

France not winning even as an outside chance now. If I am wrong I will be delighted, but also I will let y’all vote on me liveblogging an ep of something I hate if she wins MARK THIS SPACE.

Finland’s gotta be happy with that spot, it’s about the best they could hope for given the draw.

Australia not in a great spot, I would have thought they’d be in a better spot but maybe they didn’t do well in televote, or maybe the stage is going to work different from how I think and this is gonna end up hurting Czechia more than them.

Israel’s spot is FANTASTIC, i think if she lands it they might even top 10, or better.

Croatia’s spot seems to indicate it maybe..placed really high in the televote? We won’t know until after the competition when they release numbers, I’m only going off historical stuff, but still, I’m shocked and pleased!

I’m a big fan of totally random draw run orders for the final because run order DOES make a difference, sometimes a very large one, so I don’t love that producers can set up a winners nudge. BUT, I know “euro neuro” opening pretty much killed that, so I would settle for QUARTER draws instead of half draws. spots 1-7 first quarter 8-13 second quarter 14-20 3rd quarter 21-26 fourth quarter you get it. That still leaves a lot of flexibility for the producers while semi-assigning difficult spots to win from.

EXCITED FOR SATURDAY!!!!!!!

[quoteablebooks]

Genre: Fiction, Adult, Contemporary Romance

Rating: 5 out of 5

Content Warning: Death of a parent, Grief, Sexual content, Cancer, Infidelity, Child abuse  

Summary:

A romance writer who no longer believes in love and a literary writer stuck in a rut engage in a summer-long challenge that may just upend everything they believe about happily ever afters. Augustus Everett is an acclaimed author of literary fiction. January Andrews writes bestselling romance. When she pens a happily ever after, he kills off his entire cast. They’re polar opposites. In fact, the only thing they have in common is that for the next three months, they’re living in neighboring beach houses, broke, and bogged down with writer’s block. Until, one hazy evening, one thing leads to another and they strike a deal designed to force them out of their creative ruts: Augustus will spend the summer writing something happy, and January will pen the next Great American Novel. She’ll take him on field trips worthy of any rom-com montage, and he’ll take her to interview surviving members of a backwoods death cult (obviously). Everyone will finish a book and no-one will fall in love. Really.

*Opinions*

I know I say this at the start of almost every review, but this read was influenced by social media. However, I do think that almost everyone heard of Beach Read when it came out in 2020 so I can’t blame Tiktok and Youtube for this one too much. Beach Read follows January Andrews and Augustus Everett, two writers that are suffering from a number of crises in their lives as well as writer's block. There is also the added issue that January has always seen Gus, as he went by in college, as her writing rival because he dismissed her writing of women’s fiction and romance for his high-brow literature. One ill-fated book club meeting later and a deal is struck, they will both attempt to write a novel in the other’s genre. Whichever book sells first gets the bragging rights. However, living next door to her college rival, whom she spent one steamy frat party dance with while dealing with digging up all the secrets of her father’s past might be too much for even disillusioned January Andrews to handle. 

This was a five-star read for me and there were only a couple of hiccups in the story that I found. However, because I read this book three years after it was released, I had also been warned that there were some heavier topics in the novel that had such a light-hearted title. I can see how some people would have been taken off guard when they thought they were going into a light-hearted romance and were hit with a lot of not light-hearted issues. In the Author’s Note, Henry stated that she didn’t write a romance novel, so perhaps it was the marketing team that got it wrong. That being said, I really enjoyed that there was a lot going on in both January and Gus’s lives aside from their jobs and their evolving feelings for one another. It made them feel real and well-rounded. It also made some of their miscommunication make more sense than just ‘they won’t talk to each other’. 

I related to January a lot more than I thought I would. While I don’t have a box of gin and an agent breathing down my neck for a new novel, the way her thought process played out was very familiar. While my outlook on the world might not be as happy and optimistic as January’s, I think I still try to find the happy ending, or at least the satisfying ending, in all the stories I tell myself in my head. Gus, at times, was a little too brooding, but understandable once you learn more about his background and past relationships. He also had some great romantic lines in this novel. 

The one gripe I had was that there were numerous miscommunications that, while cleared up usually pretty quickly, seemed to fall into a predictable rhythm. Gus would grow distant, January would blow it out of proportion (relatable) and then she would get emotional and he would comfort her. As someone with anxiety, my mind is constantly telling me that everyone hates me and will never talk to me again, but reading about it multiple times in a novel does get a little old. Luckily, I liked the characters enough and cared about their arcs enough that it didn’t really dampen my enjoyment of the novel. One more time and it probably would have knocked the novel down a star rating. 

Overall, I think that this is an interesting novel that takes a look at love and how our perception of our loved ones can change over time. How relationships don’t have to be perfect to be right for you. This isn’t a perfect novel, but it was perfect for me at the time I was reading it so it is a five-star read. I would suggest checking out the content warnings before going in though, so you aren’t caught off guard. 

[via-l0ve]

🕯️ #11 with andrew’s peter !!

side eye. (TASM! Peter Parker x reader)

a/n: i love this. enjoy ml!!!

“waiting in line at the grocery check-out, rolling their eyes at each other because the person at the front is starting drama.”

all you wanted to do was get pretzels. it was the ONE thing you came to the grocery store for and it was supposed to be a quick trip. grab the pretzels, maybe a drink, and go!

but, of course, the universe said you were wrong.

you looked around to find two lines open. one had at least seven people in line, the other, two.

so, you sat in the shorter grocery line. two people ahead of you and, as you got in, two people came behind of you. Still, you tried to keep spirits high. it shouldn’t have taken too long!

You lifted your head up from looking at those very tempting chocolate bars when you heard some loud voices.

“i just don’t understand how these pecans can be $1.90!!! and i think you have very poor service! only two registers open…”

you looked ahead, unamused, as an old woman started arguing with the young, teenage cashier. you watched, head tilted in slight annoyance. of course there had to be a fight in your line.

the old woman wouldn’t let the price of those stupid pecans go. she kept telling the cashier off, as if they could help it.

you shook your head, looking anywhere but her. your eyes met with a boy who was two people behind you. he was only holding one thing, apple juice. he tilted his head towards the old woman and rolled his eyes. a small smile formed on your lips as you did the same.

after what felt like three hours, the old woman gave up and paid for her pecans and left. you were finally up. you could pay for your stupid pretzels and go.

“that’ll be $17.99” the tired teenager mumbles.

damn. the old woman was, unfortunately, right. that was pricy for your bin of pretzels. and you only brought $10.

“oh, um..” you sighed, digging in your wallet.

“it’s okay. i don’t have enough.” you said, defeated.

you handed the pretzels back and started to walk off. so much for your simple and quick grocery trip for your desired pretzels.

“um, i’ll pay for those.”

you turn around and see the cute boy from earlier. he slid ahead of the man in front of him and set his juice down.

“how much was it?” he asks you with a smile.

you froze momentarily. not only was he cute, but he was seriously going to pay for your pretzels.

“oh! they’re um… $18.” you said, handing the pretzels to him.

he smiles, paying for both his apple juice and your bucket of pretzels.

“here.” he smiles at you, handing you your food.

“thank you.” you smile big.

he walks out with you, smiling and talking about the older woman earlier.

“so, i hope you enjoy those.” he smiles again.

“i will definitely be enjoying them.” you grin.

“how can i repay you? i don’t have much money on me right now.” you smile.

“ummmm..” he thought for a moment.

“how about i give you my number and we can share those pretzels?” he asks with a slight chuckle. you go red in the face and grin again.

“i’d love that.” you say softly, handing him your phone.

he smiled, taking your phone and putting his number in. he handed it back to you, accidentally touching your fingers.

“see you soon.” he said, cracking open his apple juice and walking back to his car.

you open your phone and see his contact.

“Peter💕 (pretzel guy!)”

[percontaion-points]

Jocelyn's Choice chapter 2

Click to see the rest of the snark & image descriptions

Click here for the rest of the series!

Chapter 2

"Dad, this is Alex Jordan."

 "Hello, Alex, it's nice to meet you." Max extended his hand. "Jocelyn tells me you're home from school for a few months."

 "Yes, sir." Alex smiled. "I'm going back in July for an internship, and then I'll decide if I'm going to continue on with medical school." 

Now obviously, we have to actually allow the relationship or else she won’t get PERGNAT…

But at the same time, dad knows how old that Alex is, knows that he’s already got a fucking bachelor’s degree, knows that he’s so much older than his daughter…

AND HE FUCKING ALLOWS IT?!

Like buddy. 

What the hell is wrong with you?

You’re literally a cop. You’ve probably seen some fucking shit in your career. 

AND YOU’RE GOING TO ALLOW IT TO HAPPEN TO YOUR DAUGHTER?!

Great, I'm going out with an older man, and I have a curfew.

Yeah well, this is what happens when you’re still in high school. 

No, I will not let this go. 23 year olds have no business dating an 18 year old. 

During dinner, we talked about our childhoods and what we liked to do when we were young. We traded stories about school and laughed when we realized that not much had changed in five years. Alex told me how he had wanted to play professional baseball, and how he'd gotten a full scholarship to Florida University, but when the acceptance letter came from Yale, he knew that was where his father really wanted him to go. I could tell from our brief time together that he wanted nothing more than to please Jack.

Say what you will about the awkward “What’s your favourite colour?” scene from Twilight… But at least it showed us who these characters actually were. It allowed us to get into their heads even further, to understand them on a deeper level.

I understand that this was pulled to publish fanfic. I get it. I really do. 

But it’s like the author wasn’t even fucking TRYING to convince the readers of anything other than the fact that this is Edward and Bella. 

"Alex!" A pretty brunette came running into the parking lot. "When did you get back?"

 "Hey, Carly," he said. "I got into town yesterday."

 "Are you planning on staying long?" she asked as she looked down at our joined hands. 

"A few months," he said. "Then I have to go back to school." 

"Well, a few months is enough time for us to get together." She smiled. "You know, like we used to." She looked me over. "Who's your friend?"

 "This is Jocelyn Andrews," Alex said. "Jocelyn, this is an old friend of mine, Carly." It was obvious Alex couldn't remember her last name and equally obvious that fact annoyed her. 

"You still have my cell number?" she asked. 

"I'm sure I do," he said. "But, I'm probably gonna be busy, and I don't think we'll have a chance to hook up."

 "I think you should make time." She smiled confidently. "You know I'm worth it." She made a point of looking at me. 

The thing that gets me about these “I’m dating a player” novels (Or pretty much any of these books with the cliche bitchy mean girl character) is that they see “their man” who is clearly out on a date with another woman. 

Like bitch… What makes you think that the guy is going to IMMEDIATELY end one date simply to hook up with you? Has that ever fucking worked out for anybody? 

I had never kissed a boy before, and technically, I still hadn't, since Alex was a man…

Imagine sitting down to write, and you type up a creepy predatory teen pregnancy storyline, which is bad enough. 

To make matters worse, the author wrote shit like this line and finds no problems with it at all. 

Compared to Alex, I hadn't done much at all with my life. 

That should be a warning, babe. You haven’t even graduated high school. This dude was at frat parties when you were still in junior high. 

The next few months held so many possibilities . . . .

Chapter 2 summary: Alex picks Jocelyn up the next night for their dinner date, and meets her father, Max. Over dinner, they talk a lot, but this is mainly glossed over. After, they’re walking around since it’s still a little early, and they run into a girl named Carly. She’s clearly intent on getting into Alex’s pants, regardless of the fact that Alex is holding hands with another girl. But Alex is quick to blow her off, and insists that they weren’t even in a relationship. He goes on to say that he used to party a lot in his undergrad years, but that he’s not actually a fuckboi like Evan implied in the first chapter. 

He takes her home and kisses her before she gets out of the car. Inside, Jocelyn is surprised at her own arousal. 

The next afternoon, he takes her to the lake on his family’s property, where they continue talking and getting to know one another. When Jocelyn brings up his sister’s BFF, Julia, Alex is quick to change the subject. So now Jocelyn thinks that something happened between the two of them. She also explains that Evan isn’t her type; he’s too high maintenance. Alex thinks that this is good, so that he can have her for himself. 

They make out for a little bit, and then she tells him that he’s her first. He thinks that it’s cute, and they continue to make out. 

[daysofourlivesrecaps]

Tuesday, 16 May 2023

We got some real good blorbo action today, friends.

John and Marlena begin to engage in their long-established foreplay ritual of eating strawberries and cream. (This is, admittedly, barely a blip on the Kink Radar but I legit love that these two septuagenarians are still so into each other.)  John even whipped the cream himself! Also he brought 5001 strawberries, which is a completely arbitrary number that you really shouldn't try to read anything into.

Then Brady (John's son, Marlena's stepson; easily in his 40s and still living with these two) comes home and completely interruptuses their coitus. He whines about how he and Boring Chloe broke up and will there ever be a woman as good and pure as Boring Chloe and can you believe Boring Chloe got an apartment with Hot Xander? What does she even see in that guy, anyway?

John, meanwhile, tries to be as subtle as he can as he checks his watch and tries to remember just how long that blue pill he took is supposed to last.

(If you ever wondered if I thought I was too good to make a Viagra joke, I guess you know better now.)

Speaking of BC and HX, they are indeed still cohabitating. Chloe is lecturing Xander on the proper way to hang a picture frame (since they're all falling off the walls now) and Xander is convinced that it's not his shoddy workmanship but an actual ghost.

And sure, you may mock this notion. I did for a minute, until I remembered that the character who got *by far* the most screentime on this show in 2022 was Satan. Yes, that Satan. From school. I mean, Hell.

As he talks this out, we realize that it's *kind* of a ghost in the Scottish play sense of the concept. He's still feeling guilty about his role in the death of Susan Banks (our cat's namesake). Which is valid. We did kinda gloss over that when it happened and it's not a bad thing to circle back to.

But I immediately jumped to *we never saw her body! She could be the Mystery Hostage aboard the USS Lobsterfest!! That's gotta be why the show is reminding us about her, right?!*

Wrong. It's not Susan *or* my dark horse theory, Jan Spears. Why did I even bother hiding that in a spoiler tag yesterday?!

Von Leuschner, who is getting hotter to me with each passing day, reveals that his hostage is, in fact, Andrew. A character we've only recently met and who I'm only a little interested in because he's part of a gay couple and the show is running dangerously low on boys who kiss each other right now.

But I don't particularly care that he's being held hostage . Not when I thought of two much better possibilities right off the top of my damn head.

We also spend some time with Megan and Kristen in prison. Being, as they are, ostensibly sisters (albeit sisters who only recently met and weren't even aware of one another's existence before this year), they do what adult siblings do and pretend to show interest in each other's personal lives.

Kristen reads a letter from her daughter, Rachel, who gloats about finally breaking up her dad and That Bitch Chloe. (These are essentially eight year old Rachel's words. I would never.)

And Megan reveals that she's connected to Von Leuschner who, *btw, is actually your nephew, Kristen*. I then spent 5-10 minutes going through all the DiMeras we know and trying to work out whose kid he is. And then we find out *Megan* is his mother and I feel like a real stupid.

Having gotten the Salem Resurrection Phone Tree started to inform her massive network of relatives that she's still alive, Kate now settles in to enjoy some alone time with Roman.

"I want something," she says, and waits patiently as Roman cycles through food ("I had lobster on the boat"), a shower ("I showered on the boat, before I got into this fancy dress to eat lobster") and sleep ("not tired.")

Roman. Buddy.  She hasn't seen you in *months*. She made exactly one call before turning her phone off and putting the DO NOT DISTURB sign on the hotel room door. *She wants. To. Fuck.* What in god's name is wrong with you, man?!

[lindsaywesker]

Good morning! I hope you slept well and feel rested? Currently sitting at my desk, in my study, attired only in my blue towelling robe, enjoying my first cuppa of the day. Happy Hump Day!

You may have read the shocking story in America (yes, another one) about a black boy who went to the wrong house to pick up his siblings and was shot twice by 84-year-old white man, Andrew Lester. Mr. Lester shot him once through the glass door and, as he lay on the ground outside, shot him again (to make sure he was dead!) Ralph, a 16-year-old from Kansas City, Missouri, had been sent to pick up his younger twin brothers at a friend’s house but mixed up the address, finding himself in front of a house on Northeast 115th Street, instead of Northeast 115th Terrace. Thankfully, Ralph survived and is now at home with his family. Andrew Lester has now been charged with first-degree assault and armed criminal action. My question is: why are some people white people so AFRAID of black people? Afraid for their life!

We’re watching ‘Wellmania’ on Netflix – which we’re now kinda getting into it – and the lead characters said something like, “These are not your people. One day you’ll find your people.” Do you understand what that means? Have you ever found yourself within a crowd of people (or trying to fit into a crowd of people) and you suddenly realise you DON’T fit in? It’s a devastating realisation. You might have spent a lot of time trying to be part of it, trying to enjoy it; you might have spent a lot of time and money and emotional energy trying to fit in and then you suddenly realise … you don’t! Not saying that’s happened to me – I’ve got wonderful friends everywhere – but I’m sure some people find themselves in that situation.

My hacked Instagram is spewing out beggy-beggy messages again! People tell me they have been responding with anger and sarcasm. What’s the point? It’s just a bot! People say they have reported it. What’s the point? Instagram don’t give a f*ck! People: the account was hacked LAST YEAR! If you are STILL subscribed to that OLD Instagram profile (and hundreds of people still are), please UNFOLLOW IMMEDIATELY, or the bot will keep promising you money and, once they have your bank account details, the bot will empty your bank account! I already have a new IG account (wesker.lindsay). And watch out for MORE scammers leaving 'helpful' comments underneath this post! If they're offering some phone number or email address, DON'T go there!

‘Loose Women’ created a Twitter poll asking the question, “Should protesting be banned?” When the results came back 96% ‘No’, the post was suddenly deleted. Hmm … wonder who asked for that poll to be created and I wonder who wanted the results quickly deleted?

Needless to say, if the immensely-talented Bukayo Saka would like to come to a club where he isn’t viciously and racially abused by HIS OWN SUPPORTERS, we will happily have him at The London Stadium!

After a very long Easter break, term resumes at the other place I teach. Looking forward to seeing my Wednesday students. Really nice people and a lot of fun to work with. Discussion is spirited and always entertaining but, by the time I get home, I am spent!

Have a wonderful and well-endowed Wednesday. I love you all. Yes, a crazy, bald man loves and cares about you.

[ruminate88]

After I got away from Andrew and got married, I found it beyond difficult not to have intrusive or sexual thoughts about him. It made NO sense at the time. I was trying to hold it in and act natural with my new husband like, honeymoon is over. I’ve blocked Andrew’s number. I’m not even googling Andrew and yet he’s alllllll I freakin think about and when I try to focus on my husband and build this relationship with him, it’s nothing but Andrew on the brain. 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

Quickly I’m disconnected and think it’s my husband. I think he’s pushed me away but he accuses me of pushing HIM away. 🧐 Oh wow. I knew my husband had to threaten Andrew to leave me alone and he said Andrew looked like he was about to cry 😳😳 what does that even mean?? Why would Andrew cry??? After a summer of gaslighting me and hurting me beyond words. Consistently breaking my heart…. Why should HE cry? I was the one crying and shaking so hard he totally crushed me to pieces 💔💔

NOW it’s covid and when Florida stayed open, a lot of us took a trip there. I’m in this condo on the beach with my husband, some family and friends, and I’m getting dressed for dinner and as I’m looking in the mirror, fixing my hair, that was the first time my eyes opened and I saw that I was getting bald in one spot!’ HOW did I not see it before? I’ve looked back at older pictures. I was already going bald before Covid but my hair lady said Covid was stressing everybody out and making people lose hair, but I believe I was already losing hair because stress over Andrew and Cody.

I ran to my husband though and yelled out “ I’m losing hair!!!! Oh my gosh am I sick? Something wrong with me?” The whole time feeling disconnected and I can’t stop fantasizing about Andrew in the back of my head and I just can’t make sense of anything in my life. I’m trying to move on and be a good wife and I’m just frustrated because my husband is there and I can’t even hardly feel him or connect with him the way that I want to…. like, I’m I’m literally forcing it so hard ….

my husband also took me on my dream vacation because we saved so much money during Covid getting those two checks in the mail from the government and it was my dream vacation 😮😮😮 so I should’ve been the happiest person in the world and I wanted to be so badly and I wanted to be happy and I wanted to love and enjoy my husband but still, I feel very disconnected and I feel like he is not letting me connect to him, but it’s not him. He’s literally taking me on my fave vacation. He spent his hard-working money to give me that and I tried to be so grateful and I tried to make it a fun time , but deep inside of me I’m feeling so bad I can’t explain why !!! 😳😩

The first video I ever saw about emotional abuse, wow, I was able to ruminate and I was able to recall everything that happened with Andrew that I guess I was trying to ignore or I just couldn’t remember it. I don’t know still some things that I can’t remember conversations I had are still fuzzy cuz they were hurtful conversations!!! times when I’m begging him to pay me attention and he’s promising me that he wants to be with me but he’s just “busy with school” he keeps abandoning me, ignoring me, I so feel bad and he’s making me feel stressed out because he says that he’s so stressed out with school …. And some how he takes it out on me. “I’m not helping”. He keeps saying I’m making it all worse when I all I wanted was to love him so much….

The more that I learn about emotional abuse, the more it hurts my feelings and upsets me. And I think that’s why I feel so “indifferent“ these days. I mean, can’t change the past, I forgive my exes. I don’t want anything from them and I don’t want them to pay or owe me anything but they still keep hurting my feelings just thinking about them constantly and I just don’t understand it but I know it happens to people. I know that it’s life, trauma and I feel awful for them, but I feel awful for myself too. I’m trying NOT to beat myself up, but I always do. I always feel guilty when I talk about them because it makes me feel like I’m not getting over them or giving them grace , I want a peaceful life and I feel like my life is way more calm than it ever was but also feeling indifferent. Makes me feel like eh, just wanna sit here and chill and be left alone. No one bother me please please just no one bother me. I don’t wanna upset anyone else.

I can’t get comfortable enough to talk to my husband about everything going on inside of me, but I don’t want him to be upset or stressed. I just want him to calm down and just let it be!!!! he stresses over our money and that makes me feel bad because it makes me think of how Andrew was so stressed and nothing I did or said made him happy or made him wanna treat me good OR make him love me back. Andrew was always going to hurt me and abuse me, no matter what! that’s why I had to block his number without even knowing it was abuse back then, I knew that he was mistreating me. And I am beyond an apology from him now, I’m not expecting him to come and apologize… I wouldn’t even believe it if he did, I don’t know how to make it all better. I know it’s all over and in the past and I know by keeping Andrew‘s number blocked that he can’t continue to bother me so much, but he still does bother me in the back of my mind because I always think of his face and I wanna see his face so bad in real life. The moment I walk out of my house, I’m searching for him and I don’t know why because I don’t have anything to say to his face without falling apart! 🫣🫣❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

IF Andrew was standing before me right now. I would be a total mess and I would probably fall on my face and just sob…. I don’t hate him but I know he can never love me back so I feel like loving him IS for nothing and that sucks.

[cevansbrat0007]

Remind Me: The Aftermath of Lazy Lies

Summary: How Reader and Andy patch things up after he screws up and calls her lazy. Andy Barber x Black!Reader, Bianca Barber (mentioned)

Warnings: Language, Apologetic Andy, Angry Reader, Kissing, Smut (implied) Minors DNI

A/N: Written for the following friends in particular: @writer84, @stonerlaur4​ @elle14-blog1​ @ariellemangomonroe​  @oscar-isaac-69​ Please enjoy. Part of my Growing Pains Series. Not beta'd. All mistakes are my own.

___

Andy couldn’t keep living like this. Yes, he’d screwed up. In a moment of frustration and anger at so very many things, he’d made the mistake of calling his lovely wife “lazy”. And he vowed that he would never do that again.

She’d been ignoring him for the better part of two days. His lady didn’t get up to see him off in the morning, she didn’t offer to pack his lunch, and most upsetting of all…she’d withheld her kisses. 

Don’t get him wrong, he’d tried. But she had rebuffed him at every opportunity. 

He tried to send her text messages throughout the day, letting her know he was thinking of her, and it was almost like she didn’t care. Messages like:

Andy Bear: Baby girl, I love you more than summertime sunshine. 

You: It’s cold in Boston every day. 

Or…

Andy Bear: Thinking of you.

You: Okay. 

Or…

Andy Bear: Maybe we should get a babysitter for this weekend. Go out on the town, you know? Maybe grab dinner.

You: I’m sure you and yourself will have a lovely time.  

___

Andy is quickly approaching day number three of this nonsense when he realizes that he can’t take it anymore. 

“Hi ladies!” His voice booms as he walks through the door. “How was everybody’s day?”

BiBi is quick to launch into an explanation about any and everything. She’s already dressed in her fairy princess pajamas and had her dinner. Which meant it was time for bed. 

“Do you want Daddy to tuck you in, honey?” You ask. Making a direct point of not looking at your husband. 

“Yeah! Storytime wif Daddy!” She squeals. 

“Welp, go on Andrew.” You press a kiss to Bianca’s brow. “Night, night sweet baby.” With a resigned sigh, Andy totes her upstairs to read her a story and put her to bed. 

___

Thirty Minutes Later…

Your husband returns down the stairs, sans tie and suit jacket. “She went down great, Y/N. No fussing.” He tells you.

“Good.” Is all you say as you munch on a sandwich. 

“Um, alright.” Andy mumbles, his hand going to massage the back of his neck. “Any chance I could get one of those?”

“Oh, sure.” You flash him a grin. “Everything is in the fridge. Help yourself.”

“Fine, I’ll - okay no. You know what I’ve had enough of this shit.” He stomps over and makes an exaggerated point of taking a bite of your sandwich. “I don’t give a fuck about dinner or a sandwich, I miss my goddamned wife.” Andy growls.

“Woah.” You deadpan with a shrug. “Sounds like a serious you problem.” 

And that’s all it takes for your husband to snap.

He snatches you into his arms and lifts you up, pinning you against the refrigerator. His mouth takes yours in such a delicious, seductive way, that you can’t help but respond. Your fingers bury themselves in his hair, tugging on their own accord. His tongue duels with yours, quickly letting you know in no uncertain terms that this was not your show. 

Andy pulls away for a moment, both of you breathing hard.

“Look, baby. I fucked up. I won’t do that again okay? But I’m also not guaranteeing that I won’t find new and more inventive ways to fuck up in the future. I’m creative like that, alright?”

You nod. 

He mashes his lips to yours again. “You still my girl?” He mumbles against your kiss swollen lips. 

“Of course.” You growl. “Now take me upstairs and remind me about why it should stay that way.”

END