#And while it's healthy that i stop and go do something else. I am very curious about every job's questline

[wine-dark-soup]

Oi everyone. 1 quastion. What is, in your opinion, the best way to level a job. I'm having problems with this because if i do more than one roulette at a time, my brain starts feeling numb out of lack of stimulation. The bozjan front sounds like a lot of fun but you can enter only starting lvl 71. What is your wisdom

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

[stxrvel]

hate is a strong word

summary: you hated Bucky and you were convinced that he hated you back. until one time he was talking to you and it started to sound... lovely? what was happening?

pairing: bucky barnes x f!reader

words: 6k

warnings: some bad words, a lot of arguments, a HUGE flashback, a little bit of angst i think? bucky and reader insult each other, reader doesn't like to listen, bucky is easily angered, bucky likes to destroy things when he gets angry but regrets it easily, this is not exactly a healthy relationship(? descriptions of weapons, missiles and buildings being bombed, reader is also very stubborn and likes to put her life at risk… or so.

note: hi guys!! so i came back and i am kinda proud of this one. i think i haven't felt that way in a long time. i gave myself the time to write when i felt like it and it was wonderful, so this came out. also i put the poll for a whole week and i can't change it now >:(, but i think this onsehot fits the angst with a happy ending (im not sure if this fits the angst tho, you gotta tell me) but im gonna try to do something else that fits the vibe, and i'll probably do some other poll to write about someone else. (also i think i should warn you guys that i dont think im that good writing action scenes or tension scenes, so if that's bad i hope you forgive me): anyway, hope you guys like this one!! i love reading your comments so if you want and can, please leave some <33 love you all and see you next time!

part 2

Bucky was really pissing you off too much at that moment. Or maybe you were feeling a little uncomfortable.

He hadn't spoken a single word to you since you had arrived at that tiny house, only shrugged silently and then exploded. You had seen Bucky explode several times before and you admitted that watching him was somewhat entertaining; seeing the faces of frightened people, trying to flee away from his angry face and destructive hands, but physically forced to stand by and listen to his scolding. You used to have fun with that. However, at the time, when you were the extreme recipient of that anger, it wasn't so much fun.

You had already heard a couple of broken glass, shattered wood and metal containers fall to the ground. Maybe five minutes or so had passed and he was barely pausing to look at his artwork. It wasn't too much that he had taken and thrown while you had stayed in the room, but it had all sounded very loud, so you had no choice but to go out and see what he was doing.

You were leaning against the threshold of the hallway to the bedrooms, right across from the living room and kitchen. Bucky looked like he had just finished getting all his anger out when he finally stood silently. He probably thought you were asleep while he was doing all that, as if that sound couldn't wake you up. Was he really that angry about what you had done? You mean, yes, it was very risky, but there you were alive, weren't you?

You felt the best thing you could do was to stay quiet and wait for him to say or do something, because you could risk that angry outburst really coming down in your face. For that moment he had only taken it out on the house, which had nothing to do with your problems, and you didn't want the arguments to start filling the silence that followed his stillness.

But, well, you didn't always do the right thing. That's why you were in that situation in the first place.

“Are you done yet?” you signed your sentence.

Bucky had a tense posture, squared shoulders moving in rhythm with his accelerated breathing. His back was to you, staring at the kitchen counter that had been left completely empty. You knew by the way he was clasping his hands that he was trying to maintain his composure.

“Are you serious?” his voice came out hoarse, a sign of his growing anger.

Maybe you should have stopped there, or when he continued to not turn to look at you, but you just couldn't keep your mouth shut.

“What's your problem, Barnes? Yes, I took a chance, but it's not that big of a deal. It's not for this,” you pointed to the mess around you, even though he wasn't looking at you.

“It's not a big deal, you say?” Bucky moved and you felt yourself watching his angry figure move in slow motion. “What's your problem?”

His beady eyes met yours. You felt a little intimidated by the ripples of annoyance coming off his body, filling the entire room with an unbearable, suffocating tension. His scowl and that strangely calm tone of voice made your hair stand on end.

None of the pieces of glass or splintered wood on the floor looked as dangerous as that expression on Bucky's face. He looked very angry, yes, but there was also something in his eyes when he looked at you. Something like concern… but that was impossible.

“Really, Y/N, what's your problem? Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“Now, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I was the mission leader!” his voice rose, his body moving forward as he pointed his index finger at himself. “And you were supposed to follow my orders.”

“I did, Barnes, I-”

“No,” he exclaimed, again moving closer. “You didn't do anything I asked you to do! Why can't you just…? Argh.”

You moved back a little as he planted his hands on the dining room table. You felt a little pressure in your chest at the sight of him like this, as if defeated and hopeless. Disappointed. But that was a common thing. That's why you used to have individual missions, and that's why you didn't really like working in a team. You mean, it wasn't wrong to do it, but everything always ended up in arguments because nobody liked the way you worked, so it was better to do it alone, right?

Seeing Bucky like that reminded you of how many times you had seen that look on the faces of Steve, Natasha, Tony, Clint, even Thor… It was never welcome nor were you comfortable with what was coming next, but it was the way you worked, how could you change out of nowhere something you had done your whole life?

Maybe you just had to apologize, sometimes that worked. Because you also knew that, knowing how bossy and caring Bucky was, you should have at least held back a little during the mission. Bucky's patience couldn't stand that sort of thing.

“Listen, I'm sorry, okay? I was a little careless, but that's how-”

“A little careless?” he interrupted you, his voice and face incredulous. "You almost got yourself killed."

“We're in this job under that risk, Barnes, that's not news.”

The man in the middle of the mess ran his hands over his face, elated, frustrated and surely overwhelmed. He let out a sound somewhere between a snort and a growl before turning back to look at you.

“Why can't you just listen?”

His accusing gaze enlarged a hole in your chest that you constantly tried to ignore, planting bitter feelings of sadness that you were usually very good at avoiding. But at that moment, for some reason, you couldn't stop your face from twitching at the strong, hurt tone of the man who looked at you as if he couldn't believe who you are and what you do. It seemed like Bucky was always in denial and today he realized that what everyone always told him was true.

That look, that dull gleam in his eye, that expression of understanding… All of that you were used to seeing, but coming from him it felt different. As if you hadn't really meant to cause those feelings, as if you wanted to turn back time to do things differently. The surprisingly incredulous and remorseful look was digging deep into your head, searing itself with hot iron to make sure to haunt you in the future.

At that moment you didn't care if Bucky realized how much his words affected you. Maybe you deserved to feel that way. Maybe he should have known that it affected you too much, that would surely do more than an apology.

“If only you had listened to me, we would have left sooner and without any trouble,” Bucky spoke again after what felt like hours of silence.

You couldn't take him back. It was true.

“Why did you…? Argh. Whatever. I'm going to report to Fury.”

His figure passed you like a blur. You barely felt his presence very superficially before all was silent again.

Your heart ached again. For some reason, it wouldn't stop hurting that it was still beating.

The day before.

“WHAT?” you exclaimed in disbelief and the director's tired look reappeared.

“It's already scheduled, Y/N, I can't undo it. So just go, try to cooperate together and come back in one piece,” Fury leaned back against the back of the chair, putting his feet up on the desk.

You looked at his shoes as if they were to blame for everything.

“It's funnier to think Bucky reacted the same way,” Tony spoke up, sitting in the chair next to yours, a mocking expression on his face.

“Shut up,” you smacked his arm before turning back to the director. “Sir, you know Barnes and I don't get along and knowing that, what makes you think we'll hit it off on a mission?”

Fury shrugged. “A hunch.”

“A hunch…?” you repeated in a low tone, twice as incredulous that the big SHIELD director had just said that.

“That's it, agent, you're dismissed.”

You left his office on your own, not because you had been dispatched. The walk to the housing complex took you longer than ever at that point.

You'd only had one mission with Bucky Barnes once a couple of years ago and it had been a disaster. Your group missions usually ended with a close call, but that time with Bucky it was like going to hell and back.

You two had never gotten along. Regardless of Fury's hundreds of attempts to get along, you had never managed to vibrate on the same frequency. It seemed more like you repelled each other every time you were together, and it was totally justified because Bucky was too bossy and wouldn't let you breathe for a single second. Every second of the mission had to be ruled by him because otherwise he was going to explode into a sea of rage and, God, no one wanted to piss Bucky off in that Complex. However, you were always the first to tell him that his tactics weren't working or that he was too slow and well, naturally, you ended up arguing.

You met Natasha and Steve halfway to the rooms and from the way they both looked at each other before the redhead approached you knew you must surely have a scrunched up face.

“Did something happen?” Natasha asked as soon as she reached your side and started walking at the same pace as you, slightly more hurried than usual.

“Fury assigned me a mission with Barnes,” you spat out the good news, impossibly frowning harder at the mention of that name.

“Oh,” Natasha nodded. “Well, you could try to work things out-”

“What things, Natasha?” you paused, turning to look at her as everything around you turned red. “There's nothing to fix here, because Barnes is a stubborn, obstinate, childish, bossy, stupid man who is incapable of speaking like a civilized adult and only knows how to shout orders everywhere as if he's the bossy one in the Complex. I can't stand him!”

“Wow.”

You heard his voice.

“I hope you know the feeling is reciprocated.”

You turned to see him, his body was leaning against the island at the entrance to the kitchen, in a strategic spot as if you could never realize he was there because your path was to the other side. Natasha watched between the two of you like a tennis match, fearful as if at any moment the screaming would start and she would have to run away.

You didn't know what to do. You were super angry, yes, and you felt your blood boiling inside your veins, too. And you'd said all that stuff to Bucky's face before, and God knows how many times before you'd argued just by seeing each other in the halls of the Complex. Despite that, you felt trapped. The anger was still there, yes, but his gaze pierced through you like a sword.

“Believe me, I don't want to go on this mission with a stubborn, obstinate, headstrong, ignorant, individualist like you either, who cares not for the safety of the team but for her own victory, no matter how she achieves it.”

With his eyes sharp, his heavy footsteps approached you, echoing in your head loudly like the second hand of a clock. He had stopped at a safe distance as he spoke and at one point Natasha had grabbed your arm when it seemed you had tried to approach him as well.

“You're a hypocrite,” you spat at him.

“Ha! Me?”

“You always play the saintly dove, but you know you're not much different from me.”

“I'm nothing like you,” Bucky wrinkled his face, as if the very thought caused him to shiver with disgust.

“You're an individualist, too, imposing your plans on others.”

“You never have a plan! What do you expect me to do, let you go and die?”

“I do have plans! But you don't like them because they are more effective than yours.”

“They're more effective at the cost of risking more of our lives.”

“That's what our job is all about!”

“Our job is about protecting! How are you going to accomplish a mission if you're dead?”

“Well, I've done pretty well so far, in case you haven't noticed.”

“If I had a nickel for every time you've gone airhead straight into danger and ended up nowhere near dead, I'd have as much money as Stark.”

“And if I had a nickel for every time your stupid, slow plans have caused you to lose sight of the target and made you come back empty-handed, I'd be twice as rich as Stark.”

“At least my kill rate is minus five.”

“And my hit rate is one hundred by the way.”

“Are you even listening to what you're saying?”

“That I always finish missions on the first try, unlike you?”

“That you're treating your life like it's something insignificant.”

“Ah, now you care about my life?”

Natasha tightened her hand around your forearm again preventing you from again getting too close to the man who was getting on your nerves. Before he could respond, you spoke again:

“Look, Barnes, to make it absolutely clear to you for the rest of your long life: I love my life and I love my job. I love my life because it allows me to have this job and I love my job because it allows me to have this life. If you have a problem with how I choose to do the job, that's just that, your problem. But don't think you're coming here to give me a psychology lesson to make me believe that I don't value my life just because now you've run out of arguments. It's because I value my life, Barnes, that I always come out of every mission unscathed. I don't put myself at risk because I'm oblivious. I always have everything figured out and that's why everything always works out for me.”

Bucky snorted, his body moving away from yours, but despite that expression on his face he didn't respond again. He gave you a sidelong glance before walking back into the kitchen.

Your shoulders felt a little lighter. For a moment you thought he was going to continue arguing.

Natasha next to you sighed, finally letting go of your forearm.

“Why did you hold me so tight?” you frowned at her, rubbing the part of your skin that was slightly red. “Did you really think I was going to fight a super soldier?”

Natasha shrugged under your gaze.

“We've known you to do crazy things.”

“I wouldn't have stood a chance of beating him even if he gave me the upper hand.”

Five hours earlier.

You hadn't seen Bucky for the rest of the day after that discussion, until the next day when you had to get on the Quinjet and didn't even glance at each other.

Steve was in charge of handling the airplane and, apparently, he was also in charge of briefing you on how you were going to proceed on the mission, because Bucky was too busy drilling holes with his gaze somewhere else on the Quinjet away from the two of you.

Neither spoke when you descended nor when you approached the base apparently in a state of abandonment.

Bucky's mission were flat and simple, but as usual he had no backup plan, because all his backup plans were the same: run away. Bucky had a chick's sense of survival, that's why when things went bad was the time when he would scream at you the loudest.

Just like it happened on that mission.

“This place is deadly quiet,” you spoke for the first time, barely earning a sidelong glance from the man next to you.

You had already finished thermo-sensor checking every floor of the building and it was indeed desolate. Still, you felt a strange uncomfortable chill run down your back.

“Well, that's what deserted means,” Bucky commented, his sarcasm sharp.

You rolled your eyes at him, even if he couldn't see you, and kept walking with your gun raised as you approached the checkpoint.

“I mean I can't even hear birds or crickets, doesn't that strike you as odd?”

“Well, we're on the fourth floor, wouldn't it make it stranger if you could hear them at this altitude?”

“Well, you can hear at this height. Tell me, do you hear anything down below?”

Bucky paused. They were a few steps away from reaching the room. His deadly stare caused you nothing but boredom and you would have ignored him completely except that he let out a sigh, dejected. You detailed him minutely as he seemed to focus his hearing on external sounds.

“There's nothing,” he spoke after a few seconds, his brow slightly furrowed.

“You see?”

“But that doesn't mean anything. We'd better finish this quickly.”

Ignoring the grimace on your face, Bucky moved to step into the room whose door was wide open. You stared offended at his back and felt the urge to smack his big head with the butt of your gun.

“Here it is,” you heard him exclaim from inside.

Sighing you made your way to where he stood. A large display of old computers anchored to the wall.

“You should do it yourself,” you looked at Bucky with a smirk. “I don't handle equipment this old.”

Bucky only snorted in response and moved with his gun to another side of the room, leaving you in complete silence to do your job.

You moved quietly and sat down in front of the machines. You plugged them into the power source you brought in your suitcase and in a few minutes they began to work.

The mission was simple. There was one of the old HYDRA bases that contained specific information that Fury needed to find. Up to that point, they had searched about seven abandoned bases without any success. So there you were with Bucky, at the eighth base they had identified, digging through old commands and in another language trying to find the information they needed.

Ever since they left the Complex that morning you were convinced you would find nothing. They had already raided several bases and there were still a few more to go. The probability that you would find that information at that time was…

Bingo.

“Got it,” you exclaimed to Bucky.

You heard his hurried footsteps and then felt the warmth of his body next to you.

“Is that it?”

“Just a folder.”

“And why does it load so slowly?”

“It's an old computer, Bucky, it works at its own pace.”

Bucky gave you a sidelong glance. “Wish you understood me like you understand that thing.”

“Aish,” you pouted by way of mockery. “Jealous, Barnes?”

The aforementioned just snorted.

The load was running at forty percent and truth be told, yes, it was too slow. But you could do nothing but wait, there was no way to speed it up.

Bucky paced back and forth behind you and you just watched the green lines move as if that helped at all. But, well, what else could you do?

At one point, as the charge was about to reach eighty percent, you heard interference on your communicators.

“Argh,” you shook your head and raised your hand to move the device a little away until the sound died down. “Steve?”

There was no response.

You turned to look at Bucky, who had the same quizzical expression.

The interference returned and then you heard Steve's voice distorted.

“… of… moment!”

“What the fuck is he saying?”

Bucky remained silent, tapping the device on his ear as if that would fix it.

But you saw it before you heard Steve's voice again.

A clump of people through the window. A freshly loaded cannon.

“Barnes…”

And at that moment, Steve's voice filled them with clarity.

“It's an ambush! Get out of there now!”

The quickness of the impact didn't let you process what was happening. Less than a second after hearing Steve the ground shook beneath your feet. The cracks in the floor started small and then swallowed you apart.

You held onto a beam, barely lucid enough. You propelled yourself upward, swinging your forearms over the patch of ground that was still intact. You heard Bucky's grunts in the distance. He was surely all right.

You heard him call out to you too, but as soon as you could sit down on the ground, the first thing you did was to reach for the pendrive.

Your heart was pounding, so hard it might as well have flown out on its own. Your breathing accelerated, with adrenaline rushing through your body was the only thing you could feel. At that moment you felt capable of anything.

You stood up quickly to look out the window again. The people were gone and the cannon had been destroyed.

It was at that moment that you realized that Steve was still talking on the communicator.

“I'm fine,” you replied, after being able to decipher his words amidst the constant buzzing from the sound of the explosion and the dizziness you felt at the sight of the hole next to you.

“Okay, you're both fine,” the Captain spoke again.

“Y/N, you can get down from there and get to the floor below. I'll catch you.”

At the sound of Bucky's voice, you moved away from the window.

Bucky had landed on the floor below, and yes, from where you were you could jump up and you'd probably have nothing but a cramp.

“How's it going up there?”

“Well, the shields are holding up okay, but I've got poor vision. I think they're regrouping somewhere else.”

You looked around.

Most of the floor had swallowed up the computers, but the main one was still loading the document. You could see the green from where you were. It was at ninety-seven percent.

But it was dangerous to get too close. The pendrive was dangling from the main computer which was about to succumb to the cracked floor.

There was some concrete left in front of the computers that you could walk across, so, without a second thought, you mapped out a mental guidance plan and moved forward.

“Y/N, what the fuck are you doing?”

“I'm getting the pendrive.”

“What? Are you insane? That side of the floor isn't going to support your weight!”

“Yes it will. I know how to do it.”

You started walking all over the remaining edge of the floor in front of what was left of the computers. Small pieces would break off as you passed causing Bucky to hiss.

“Y/N, you'd better stop and get down right now. There's still a risk of them firing again.”

“I'm gonna get it, Barnes.”

“Y/N! Get down, now!”

Ignoring his command, you held onto the remaining wall in front of you as you continued on your way, almost reaching where the pendrive was, about to fall into the abyss.

Ninety-eight percent.

“Y/N!”

“Fucking hell, Barnes, will you shut the fuck up? Your yelling is breaking my concentration.”

“You want me to just stay quiet while you walk to your certain death?”

“I'm not going to dieee- ahh-”

Your left foot, the one in front, wobbled as a piece of the floor came loose. You clung tightly to the wall as best you could, breathing deeply to calm your racing heart. Panicking at that moment wasn't going to do any good.

“God, I can't believe this,” you heard Bucky's voice, muttering to himself. “Now are you really going to get off?”

His voice sounded reprimanding, but agitated. In the midst of that mess, you wondered for a moment if he was really worried.

“I'm almost there.”

You heard him grunt in the distance.

You kept moving your feet in the direction of the main computer, this time more cautiously and more slowly. The floor all along that edge was too cracked, on the verge of falling. You were surprised it had lasted this long.

At that point, Bucky started talking to Steve, but you kept your full concentration on not falling. Maybe Bucky was right and you really didn't have any regard for your life, but…. No, no. You were very sure of what you were doing. You couldn't give up without trying everything. Maybe for Bucky it was too risky, but that was your life. And you knew you could do it.

Ninety-nine.

You had reached the critical point on the ground.

The voices of the two men were becoming too overwhelming, so you quickly took off your communicator and stuffed it in one of your tactical pants pockets.

“What the fuck did you just do?” Bucky exclaimed, a considerable distance away. He wasn't as far away as you thought.

“Your voices are distracting me!”

Good. You were close. Maybe from there you could reach it… if you stretched a little… a little more… a little- Whoop. Nope. You weren't that close. Another chunk of floor fell and with it everything around you shifted. The concrete was so unstable that it tilted further into the abyss after your not at all incredible maneuver.

You had to get even closer.

You had to use plan c.

But for that, the pendrive had to be one hundred percent charged and you weren't sure you could wait for that. Or well, you weren't sure the floor would hold. You had to be quick.

You heard Bucky behind you, but his words were carried away by the wind. You couldn't focus on him because that would be too distracting.

So, arriving at point x, you executed your plan as quickly as possible.

You ran. Even if the world was falling down, you ran. In the direction of the pendrive. The green number didn't change. You took a deep breath. You felt the sparks fly around you. The sound of the ground cracking was going to haunt you in several dreams.

You picked up the pendrive. You would have a few extra seconds as you leaned over and climbed over the computers to gain momentum.

The bing of the computer filled you with a rush of adrenaline.

One hundred percent.

You jumped. You held your breath for a second. Nerves built up in your throat. You felt like you were going to lose consciousness for a minute. Maybe you heard Bucky in the background, you weren't sure, but knowing him he was probably still scolding you.

In the midst of a deep exhalation…

Your feet hit the ground. You rolled. You moved quickly as you turned to see that the ground was still falling. You got up and ran.

You ran until you collided with a solid body. Bucky was shaking your shoulders.

"Are you out of your fucking mind?" he exclaimed, his face angry.

You could hear Steve's voice through his communicator because of how close he was.

“Shit.”

He grabbed your arm and you ran again.

Somehow, Bucky managed to get you out of the building as they bombed it again. You had a gunfight the moment you touched the cold snow.

You moved alongside Bucky like a symphony, aiming and firing with your gun until you managed to get away.

When you noticed that you kept going and kept running…

“Where's Steve?”

“If you had your fucking communicator on…”

Bucky grabbed your hand again to keep running.

You quickly reached a shack that looked abandoned and the man next to you wasted no time in letting go of you and running in the direction of what appeared to be a garage. There was a motorcycle.

You reached into your pocket only to realize that the communicator had been destroyed.

And Bucky looked too angry to want to talk.

“Get on.”

He drove all the way into town, but he didn't stop there.

You were on the road for at least about two hours. You had no idea where you were.

Somewhere along that trip, Bucky stopped in front of another abandoned shack and from there he pulled out a car. He set the bike on fire.

You went back on the road, for at least another hour.

Until you reached a small town and Bucky finally stopped in front of a house that didn't look so neglected.

“They destroyed the Quinjet's shields at missile point. Steve had to leave. We'll stay here until I can get through to Fury and we know what to do.”

His voice gave no room for retorts.

Present.

Well, yes, you were a bit reckless during missions, but so what? You got what you needed thanks to your incredible action plans and always came out unscathed. If you didn't do that during missions, how far behind would they be now in their knowledge against the enemy? They would probably be sitting ducks. Bucky didn't see that.

You two didn't talk for much of the afternoon and evening. You had spent it in the living room, trying to avoid the mess he had made to get something to eat and rest. You had perhaps slept for about three hours when you woke up and saw him sitting in one of the dining room chairs. The room looked cleaner than before.

Bucky sighed when he realized you had woken up.

“I'm sorry I yelled at you.”

You frowned. “What?”

“Earlier when we arrived. And for all the mess,” he averted his gaze when you leaned on your forearm to get a better look at him.

“Don't you think it was the least you could do?” quizzical, you sat back on the couch.

“Weren't you the one who said I don't know how to talk like a civilized adult?”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Sometimes.”

“Well, now I want to. That's why I deeply apologize for reacting that way.”

You remained silent, not really knowing how to answer him. On the previous mission you'd had with Bucky, when the whole mess was over and you were quietly in the Quinjet taking it all in, Bucky had only said “you're fucking crazy” to you before exiting the aircraft. There was no scolding, at least not from him, no complaining, no yelling. Just that. And with that you stayed for a week because you never even saw him again.

Despite the number of times you had heard that, you couldn't see it that way. That was your job, that was what you did and you didn't dislike it. You had done it forever, it was basically your way of life and you had always done it excellently. You trained and practiced for situations like that, that's why you were part of SHIELD's risk management team for so long. You used to risk your life like that to save other people and it didn't bother you. Now you were still doing it, also to save people. There was no dark reason behind it. You were contributing to a common good and that was enough.

“I guess I haven't made things bearable for you either,” you admitted with a hint of remorse.

“No, never,” Bucky shook his head in agreement.

“I'm sorry I scared you,” the words slipped from your mouth. You wanted to say something else, but, well, that had to work.

Bucky let out a short laugh. His head jerked in sync, his shoulders loose as if he didn't have a care in the world. For a moment you felt like you were somewhere else; maybe in a living room, some alcoholic beverage in one of your hands as one of your favorite songs played softly in the background, and Bucky. Bucky sitting in front of you, just like that moment.

Wow. What the fuck was that?

“You apologize for my reaction, but not for what you did?” his sly grin was getting on your nerves. You preferred it when he wasn't trying to upset you at the point of smirks. You never thought that was a weapon he could use against you.

Feelings.

Ew.

No, I hate Bucky Barnes. This is unacceptable. Mind, get your shit together.

“Well, I tried to do that earlier and you didn't care. I don't know what you want from me, Barnes,” you turned your head away, nonchalantly playing with your hair to avoid seeing those light eyes again.

“You'd better leave it at that. I couldn't take that knack away from you if I tried for years,” the sigh that accompanied his words reminded you of something you'd thought of when you were in the building. His face still looked calm, but a little upset by the wrinkle between his eyebrows.

“Why do you care so much about that?” you asked him directly now that you had the chance.

You looked at him as he turned his head away, his eyes roaming over your face, confused.

“Are you asking me why I care about your life?”

Puzzled, you shrugged. His look almost made you think that was a weird thing to ask, but was it really? “Yes. Well…. You hate me.”

“What? I don't hate you,” Bucky shook his head, his face more contracted than before as if you'd said he had cat ears on his head. He looked almost offended.

And that was the really strange thing.

You mean, almost as long as you'd known Bucky your relationship had been based on fights and demeaning adjectives to each other. That he would say that made even less sense than you asking him why he cared so much about you. He had to be pulling your leg.

“What? But I hate you because you hate me,” you explained vaguely, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. That was one way of putting it; that is to say, Bucky never gave any indication that he didn't hate you. Or well…

“I don't hate you,” Bucky shrugged, his nonchalant expression confusing you that much more. “You're just a little… insufferable sometimes.”

You rolled your eyes. “That's just a synonym for hating.”

“I don't hate you,” he repeated, this time turning to look you in the eye. For a moment you felt like your breath caught in your throat and you were going to choke. “I know we argue and say a lot of things to each other, but… hating is too strong a feeling.”

“Are you really serious?” you shook your head to get the extraneous thoughts out; that wasn't the time to make a discovery, to realize you had lived a lie.

“Yes. And just to make you more sure, I wouldn't mind hanging out with you outside the Complex,” Bucky blurted out, matter-of-factly.

Your head went blank.

“WHAT?”

Several seconds stunned.

Bucky barely cracked a smile at your dumbfounded expression. It sure looked like you'd actually seen cat ears grow on his head. The things he was now saying… they didn't make sense. “You dislike the idea that much?”

“Do you want to not say things so drastically different every moment? You're changing my perception of reality.”

Bucky kept his small smile and you had to swallow hard to ignore the warmth that settled in your chest. It wasn't welcome, not at that moment. The sound of that music in the living room in your head was getting louder, as if your own mind wanted to mock your surprise.

“Well, back to your question,” Bucky moved his hands nonchalantly over his lap and your eyes followed his movement unashamedly, “I don't see why I shouldn't care about your life. We are partners, after all.”

Partners? After all you had been through? Were you partners? Did Bucky believe that?

“Are we?” you didn't try to hide the incredulous tone that accompanied your words, because it already sounded like you'd just stepped through the door into a parallel dimension.

“Sure,” Bucky nodded to emphasize your words and the calm expression on his face became more familiar with each passing second. Could it be that that had always been the reality and you had been deprived of it? “We've known each other for five years.”

“I always thought you hated me…” you mumbled to yourself, looking lost because your head recalling every fight of the last few years, since you met him, every tongue out and every exalted word, but his incredible hearing clearly picked up what you said as if you had murmured it in his ear.

“Surely it was a mistake in communication.”

“Mistake?” you frowned at his reassurance. “You always called me stubborn and childish every chance you got.”

“I thought we were annoying each other. Although, of course,” his face became a little more serious, “there were times when I knew you hated me intensely. You said really hurtful things, what was I supossed to do? That's why I never bothered to talk to you like this. You did hate me.”

“Because I thought you…! Argh.”

Bucky smiled again.

“You're the insufferable one, Barnes.”

You hated the way your head snapped back to that image in the living room, so peaceful and calm, so serene and warm, the moment his barely noticeable smile hit you again. You had barely managed to get those words out of your mouth before you felt yourself running out of breath again.

Were you asthmatic?

And why was your head suddenly filled with platonic thoughts you'd never had before in your life?

What the fuck was happening to you?

“This is the longest civilized conversation we've ever had,” Bucky spoke again, his gaze wandering somewhere in the room.

Yes, that was true. Whenever you talked for this long it was always to argue and say hurtful things to each other. But you were too surprised by everything he had said, because just yesterday he told you that he didn't want to come on this mission with you either and in his eyes you were sure you saw something like what you felt. Something of hatred, when you saw your eyes through his.

Did you just… imagine it all?

Did you think he hated you because you hated him too?

Or maybe you wanted to convince yourself that he hated you. Maybe it was easier to deal with that than with the idea that you…

Oh no.

No, no, no. There's no fucking way that's it.

But then Bucky stood up and with his smug, know-it-all, hateful look, with that sly, evil grin, like he'd always known everything, like he was squirming around enjoying your confused stare, he held out his hand to you and said:

“Shall we fix something to eat?”

Oh, no, you were screwed.

--

a/n: thank u so much for reading!! <3

[eatmangoesnekkid]

I don’t live my life thinking a lot about money, trying to ‘get’ more money, or not having enough money yet I am not motivated by money either. The act of receiving more money does not make me rush to hurry up and finalize my books or open up my school. I can’t remember the last time I worried about money because having money is an intimate frequency and energy of FREEDOM. You have to break the frequencies of constantly penny-pinching, being stingy, allowing how much money you have in the bank to dictate your mood or living afraid to buy the very things that you need that will expand or evolve you, which is not the same thing as shopping all the time as a coping mechanism for being human, incurring consumer debt or being irresponsible and reckless with your money. And your life force will never thrive when you are a slave or prisoner to money.

The Practical and Spiritual Journey to Making More Money —You Must Enlist Your Warrior and Your Energy

You have to look at earning money like a game and enjoy growing your money and playing the game or else you never win. Not just saving or hoarding it away in your bra but allowing your money to work for you while you sleep like putting it in stocks. I have a degree in Accounting and have always believed that women were born to be skilled in financials but we are socialized to perceive ourselves not. But when you were born with a womb, you are naturally gifted at multiplying a seed into something much larger and intelligent like a whole baby. You are a natural amplifier, nourishing and growing what has been received. Be willing to look into investments and not be afraid of accumulating “healthy debt” and learn to move your money around in order to grow it. Look to investing part of your earnings into different funds, even if it is just cutting back on buying coffee and putting that money you would have paid for a daily coffee into a savings that will accrue and be used to invest in the future. If you already have cash flow, getting rental property to airbnb or sell (everyone I know that is quietly wealth-oriented owns at least 2-3 homes) which can be overwhelming to think about when living pay check-to-pay check but just beginning to think about how you can earn more money from your own money passively gets the ball rolling in your consciousness like what would it be like to open up a laundry mat, build it up and sell it in a few years for huge profit? Laundry mat ownership is such a fast lucrative business, just like what you see in the hood in movies. Or buy a raggedy house, build it up and sell it for a higher cost and incredible profit. Some of you straight and bi women entrepreneurs who are ready for good lovers must find love and attraction with lovers who are builders and handymen and can help to upscale and modernize your home that you can then resale for great profit and stop messing with dusties who have zero skill sets and create more stress on your life. 🙏🏿 Because when you live a highly stressful, parasympathetic, flight or fight life, the first thing you lose is your sexual desire or libido i.e. your umlimited creative power. No thank you!

If you have a spiritual business like me, you can do deals underneath the table but also work towards a LLC to legitimize your company which gives you tax breaks and allows you to earn more money. Something about going through the channels to make something official moves it from just being a hobby to a legit business. As magical spiritual woman, your power move is to attract someone willing to invest in your work as a start-up. If you do, you must cherish this person, love this person with all your heart, hips and soul (if the relationship is romantic but of course it can also be platonic or familial, either way, love this person), adore them deep and true. The person, this angelic being, this God, is saving you massive stress and headache. Their presence in your life serves a larger purpose —you must help them to understand this because our world teaches us to be so fearful and suspicious of being helped or helping someone rather than gracious and honored. Too many people are missing out on great blessings of interdependence because they live afraid and suspicious of the big heart of another human. So sad that many amazing beautiful people are stuck in their little corners hoarding away and missing out on healing, thriving, and experiencing the gifts and/or talents of another human because of how we have been wired to perceive the desire to meet one another’s needs and desires by status quo culture. To be a woman who can love someone in ways that relax their body so deeply that they can finally get out of their head and rest well and regenerate their tissues at night is incredibly priceless.

**This is not the same thing as looking for a handout, walking around broken like the world owes you something or hoping someone will help because you tell a victimization story. It is about being mature and resourceful and consciously manifesting what is needed and not simply what would be cool or cute potentially through love and loving.

But not every woman is ready or qualified for the aforementioned experience because you do have to develop skills that will be greatly useful, nourishing, nurturing, decompressing, relaxing or expansive or beneficial in other ways to another person. You can’t just be attractive or whatever. You have to be a woman who has developed a certain ease and peace in her body and life first and and that is what joining my school and online temple will help you master. And I personally believe you must also really love someone if the harmony is right because 1. love is incredible and healthy for the body to experience for however long it lasts 2. love is essential for the brightest sustained outcome. I’m not talking about the “sprinkle, sprinkle“ foolishness being promoted online. I am advocating for more love between people and all that comes with truly loving someone.

Be so skillful in your mature womanhood that you don't run from challenges, but face and engage them head on, and refine, recalibrate, and evolve beyond them. Never lose the boundaries that you are running a business albeit a spiritual one but still a business. Stay devoted and disciplined, both are essential. Work towards hiring people who can help you scale and grow eventually.

The Spiritual Journey to Making More Money—You Must Invoke Your Lover

The key to having more money is to learn to surrender and trust and truly allow the universe to be your provider, which is not an intellectual idea but a frequency of feminine energy. This is less about gender and more about the willingness to live a little bit beyond the egoic surface layer of reality of urgency that tells you to hurry and produce, to hoard or take or trigger you to constantly need to check off a to-do list, always needing to plan or to cross your t’s and dot your i’s which will allow you to buy that nice house and cute car eventually, but could greatly inhibit your energy from flowing where you never really can feel the joy of a simple moment pulse up your spine because you live in stress and overwork for external things that never make you fully truly happy.

No matter what stage of life you are, the undercurrent of your reality must feel like more relaxation and freedom if you want to have more money but not exhaust yourself in rigorous pursuit and constant labor for it.

I had to learn to draw in the frequency of freedom—to laugh at myself, to play, to rest, to relax, to do silly shit like twirling throughout my day —when life was very stressful, drama was high, and money was low. Neighbors would see me twirling. I would sometimes twirl for customers whose shopping totals were over 200 dollars. Because changing frequencies or weaving new realities is most potent when life is hard. You have to discover strategic ways to do the things you really want to do in life but was told you couldn’t afford. You must also have this hunger and desire to play the game of life to win while laughing at yourself along the way as you refine more and more and develop intimacy with the currencies of relaxation, love and freedom, which naturally include having more money.

But do not just copy and paste and take from others. Give. —India Ame’ye

Keep me away from the wisdom which does not cry, the philosophy which does not laugh and the greatness which does not bow before children.

Kahlil Gibran, Mirrors of the Soul

Chapter: The Money Drop (unedited)

[dilemmaontwolegs]

Not A Verstappen: Sibling Rivalry {2}

Pairing: F1 drivers (platonic) x fem!reader Summary: Alcohol leads to some bad decisions and a big fight threatens to tear the family apart. Warnings: 18+ only, lots of bad language, protective big brother, alcohol, daddy issues, angst WC: 2.9k F1 Masterlist NAV: Sibling Rivalry One || Two || Three NAV: Gridlocked One || Two || Three

Round Twelve - Belgium 2022 A sponged microphone was shoved in your face and you barely stopped yourself from smacking it away out of reflex, but you did startle back a bit before recovering.

“You look a little wound up, Spitfire,” Lando commented with a laugh. “Ready to call a truce.”

“You wish, Norris. You may have won the battle but I’m going to win the war.”

The microphone picked up the exchange and the reporter cast a glance between the two of you. “Is this battling on the track?”

“With his tractor? No way,” you laughed, nudging Lando with your elbow and a smile to ease the blow. “Someone thought it would be funny to wake me up with a fire extinguisher, which I am totally blaming on Charles because I know you couldn’t come up with that on your own.”

“Hey!” Lando whined with a pout. “I…can’t come up with a lie right now.”

“That’s what I thought. Charles, watch your back and you both better sleep with one eye open.” You turned your attention back to the reporter and signalled with your hand for them to do their thing while you dutifully did yours for yet another Media Day.

“We know you and Max have a, some would say, unhealthy amount of competitiveness on the track but outside of that you are very protective of each other…so, how has he reacted to finding out you’re on the dating app Raya?”

You winced at the question and saw the guys get whiplash with how fast their heads turned your way. All along the line the question echoed. Lando, Pierre, Charles, Daniel and finally Max, ten beady eyes staring at you with a mixed array of emotions.

“What? You all get to date, why can’t I?” you asked defensively as you crossed your arms. “Gotta find something to do for summer break.”

“Hiking in the Alps,” Charles offered.

“Or sunbathing in the Maldives,” Pierre suggested.

“Please never refer to dating someone as ‘something to do’,” Max huffed. “Or better yet, never mention dating at all. Adopt some cats.”

You looked at Lando and quirked an eyebrow. “Do you have anything to add? Since everyone else seems to think they actually have a say in what I do.”

His eyes darted around the guys who were expecting him to pitch in but all he had was a squeaky and unsure, “No?” 

“And that’s why you’re my favourite.”

“Why do you want to date anyway?” Daniel asked, and you swore there was more than just curiosity in his tone.

“You guys have girlfriends, and I want one too.”

“A girlfriend?” he asked with far too much enthusiasm.

“Maybe,” you replied with a wink. “I’m not ruling out 50% of the dating pool.”

“So how have you been finding the app,” the reporter asked, “any connections made?”

You huffed and shook your head, a few sighs of relief sounding down the line but you didn’t see who they came from. One was definitely Max.

“I’m an athlete. I train and I sweat so the last thing I want to do when I get home is do the laundry or cook a healthy meal. But my experience so far is that men think it’s the woman’s job to do that, so I need a guy that’s up for sharing responsibility. Is that too much to ask?”

“I’d cook for you!” A man called from the crowd and you sat up straighter trying to see where it came from. 

“What about laundry?” you fired back.

“Security,” Max called with a finger pointed to the good looking man who put his thumbs up in the air. 

“Ignore him. What’s your name?” you asked as you pulled out your phone. It only took ten seconds to find Martin’s social media accounts and you rolled your eyes in annoyance. “This is why I have trust issues. I hope your girlfriend sees this and dumps you.”

Three days later You had failed to finish the GP after an embarrassing pitstop left one of your wheels rolling down the lane. The replay footage kept popping up wherever you went, even at the restaurant before the afterparty, and Max had the audacity to laugh. “Nice trike, zusje.”

“Shut up and get me another drink,” you grumbled as you drowned your sorrows.

He soon returned with two gin and tonics and huffed as you took them both. “I’m not carrying you back to the hotel if you pass out,” he warned before going and getting another drink for himself.

“That’s fine, I can always call my new friend, Martin,” you said with a grimace as he took your phone off the table and shoved it in his pocket. “Bonnie Tyler was onto something. Where have all the good men gone?”

“They aren’t at the bottom of your glass,” Max said as you tipped the drink back. “So you can stop looking there.”

“You’re right. I’ll see you later, bro.” 

“Where are you going?” he asked as he watched you push your chair back and head for the door.

“Taking a page out of P’s favourite book,” you said over your shoulder.

Christian sat back in his chair as you left and asked Max, “What’s P’s favourite book?”

“We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.” Max sighed and rubbed his temples, making Christian laugh with a shake of his head. 

“Should I send someone to keep an eye on her?” 

“It’s fine, we have family share so I can see her location-fuck! I have her phone!” Max leapt from the table and rushed out of the restaurant. He looked up and down the busy street but he couldn’t see you anywhere and combed a hand through his hair, wondering what he should do.

He hardly used his social media accounts, leaving it to his PA to monitor that side of things, but this would be the exception. Opening twitter, he put out the message asking that if anyone spots you to send him the location. Almost immediately he got bombarded with replies of concern and his anxiety spiked when he realised he would waste his night with the time it would take to go through and find any messages that were actually helpful.

A familiar face spotted you on the dancefloor of the club you found yourself in and you grinned when he made his way through the crowd to you. 

“Dance with me, Lando,” you shouted over the music.

“Your brother’s looking for you,” he replied, leaning closer so you could hear him. 

“Please don’t tell him where I am.” You could already feel your mood deflating and he bit his lip as he was torn between loyalties. 

“Okay, I won’t,” Lando promised, earning a bright smile that made him feel better. “But I’ll let him know you’re with me so he can stop freaking out.”

You didn’t bother to correct him, because Max would never stop worrying. He took his role as older brother too seriously, something you often found stifling since you had grown up without it and still struggled to accept it.

“I’m getting a drink, do you want one?” you asked as while he was busy on his phone, messaging Max.

“Uh, yeah, rum and coke, please.”

You slipped away to the bar, stumbling more than you would like to admit, and leaned against the bar top as you waited for some service. You hadn’t been there for more than a minute when an arm draped over your shoulders and you spotted the Forza Ferrari bracelet on the wrist.

“You have got twitter going crazy, chérie,” Charles said with a chuckle. “There’s quite a few people out hunting for you.”

“And I found her first,” Lando said as he brushed the arm off your shoulder and stood at your other side.

“Well,” you chuffed as you draped your arms over their shoulders and pulled them closer, “I’m on a hunt of my own and I could do with some help. A girl has needs and you two are going to be my wingmen.”

They both looked at each other and you could see the mental conversation they were having, each long passing second leading you to pull back. “No, don’t call Max. Lando, you promised.”

“We can’t just let you go off with some random,” Charles said as he caught your hand before you could escape the bar, “what if they are a serial killer?”

You tugged your hand back angrily and struggled to keep your balance when you were suddenly freed. “If I were a guy we wouldn’t be having this argument. Why can’t I have fun too?”

“We just want to keep you safe.”

“Safe?” you laughed bitterly and held your hand out. “Fine, give me a condom, I know you carry them around in your wallet.”

“That’s not what I meant and you know it,” Lando argued as he pushed your hand away. “You’re not sleeping with a stranger.”

“Is that you offering then?” You looked between Charles and Lando, watching their necks turn pink as you crossed your arms. “That's what I thought. I’m going to another bar, this one’s full of assholes. Hasta luego, pendejos.”

“Great, she’s been hanging out with Carlos,” Charles grumbled as you walked away.

“He’s better company than you two,” you shouted over your shoulder before you hit the exit. 

Cold air rushed into your lungs and you realised two things. One; you should have worn more clothes, and two; you were sobering up. There was only one way to solve both problems so you marched your way down the street to find another bar.

Your head was pounding and your stomach turned when you woke up to the first day of summer break. The hotel room was elegant and luxurious, but it wasn’t yours and you didn’t know how you had come to get here.

“Coffee?”

“Oh, thank fuck,” you sighed with relief as Lando walked into the bedroom with two cups in his hands. “Where’s my clothes? Did we have sex? Wait, no, you wouldn’t cheat and I’d definitely remember that.”

“They’re in the dryer, and no we didn’t have sex,” he said as he handed you one of the cups. “You were soaked when we found you.”

You frowned as you tried to remember what happened but came up blank. “We?”

“You went for a swim in the fountain of love in the city centre. It was a ‘part of your hunt’, apparently. Charles helped me get you back here before anyone called the police.”

“Oh, great,” you muttered as you pulled the sheets higher. “Hey, you’re doing my laundry. It’s a shame you’re not single. Then again, you can’t cook for shit.”

“Be glad you’re single. The grass isn’t always greener on this side of the fence,” he said with a sigh.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I’d rather not.” Lando suddenly looked guilty as he took the half drunk coffee back and placed it on the side table. “I should probably warn you, I called Max after you took off from us last night.”

“I was with you and Charles?” Your brows pinched together as you started to recall being angry at them before embarrassment followed. “Shit, I called you assholes.”

“It’s fine, but the only reason we found you again was because of some clips on Instagram.”

You could imagine another lashing from the Red Bull PR, it wasn’t the first time you were involved in drunk misadventures and it was caught on camera. Usually it was some dare or competition involving Max where neither of you wanted to admit defeat and things just got out of control. He’d probably enjoy hearing you get ripped a new one by Christian while he got a pat on the head for being the golden child.

“What did I do this time?” you asked, knowing it was easier to just rip the bandaid off.

“It isn’t what you did,” he said with a wince. “It’s what you said.”

“Well?” you prompted when he shifted awkwardly on his feet.

“You said Charles’ listens to Nickelback.”

Your head fell back with a laugh and the sheet fell down as you let go of the cotton to clutch your nauseous stomach. “Well at least I wasn’t spouting off a bunch of bullshit.”

“And that there were three drivers you would date if you got the chance.”

“Ah, well…” you cleared your throat and scrunched the bedding into your hands, ignoring the way his eyes trailed over your bra that was on display. “That is a lie. There’s only two. It’s just my luck they are both in relationships. Did I really use the word date?”

“You said fuck but the meaning was there.”

You pulled your knees up to your chest and rested your chin on them with a heavy sigh. “I’m a mess. I’m surprised you didn’t try to prank me while you had the chance. Or is there a dick in permanent marker on my face?”

“You wouldn’t have been coherent enough to appreciate it,” Lando teased as he took a seat at the edge of the bed. “I told you this last night and I know you’re lonely, but you're looking for love in all the wrong places. You’re not going to find someone who will treat you right in a shitty nightclub when you’re too drunk to even give consent.”

Tears of embarrassment stung your eyes and you swallowed the lump in your throat before climbing off the bed and wrapping the sheet around you. “Thanks for the concern, but I’m not going to take dating advice from the guy who clearly isn’t happy in his own relationship.”

There would be no way to erase the image of how hurt he was by the words so you turned your back and left the room, grabbing your damp dress from the dryer and pulling it on. Thankfully your shoes were beside the door so you swiped them up as you left, the heels dangling from your fingers as you pushed through the sickening feeling and left the hotel to break into a run.

People stared in the street, some even pulled out their phones when they recognised you but there would be no autographs. You focused on your breathing, focused on the cold slap of your bare feet on the pavement, focused on anything but the look in Lando’s eyes.

“Where the fuck were you!” Max shouted as you reached your room and found him already there, rising from one of the armchairs like the godfather. “I have been worried sick.”

“Jesus, you sound like Jos when you shout. Relax before you have a heart attack and leave me with no competition.”

“You’re more likely to lose your seat the way you’re going, and leave me without any competition.”

“Dream on, I just had a moment.”

Max cocked an eyebrow up and crossed his arms. “Yeah, and what was last weekend and the one before that?”

You sucked your teeth at the reminder and dropped your shoes to the floor. “That wasn’t my fault, I didn’t start the prank war. And I really didn’t think the smoke bomb would set off all of the sprinklers, just the one in Charles’ room. Plus, I paid for the damages and repairs.”

“Throwing money around doesn’t mean you can act like a spoiled brat,” he said as he fell back into the armchair. 

“I am not a spoiled brat,” you growled. “I didn’t grow up with money like you and Vicky. I was the dirty little secret, just a bi-product of Jos' affair, that had to scrounge around for second hand parts just so I could have a working kart. So, fuck you, I’m allowed to enjoy the money I have earned.”

“And what about your mother? Do you think she doesn’t see those videos going viral of you drunk out of your mind, letting some klootzak take body shots off you? Does that make her proud?”

Fire burned deep in your gut as you felt attacked from all sides and the angry words spilled over before you could stop them, “I hate you.” Your feet stomped across the carpet to swipe your phone up from beside your stunned brother before you grabbed your backpack from the race which still had your passport and wallet inside. "I never needed a big brother, so you can stop fucking trying and just leave me alone."

“Where are you going?” he asked as he watched you head to the door. “The plane doesn’t leave until this afternoon.”

“Fuck you and fuck your plane. I’ll find my own way home.”

There was only one person you knew you could always count on, the first teammate you had when you made it into F1, and you were already dialling his number as you walked out of the hotel in tears.

“Pierre,” you sobbed as he answered. “I need you.”

Click here for part three.

[idkwhatever580]

Gina?

Masterlist

Pairings: Regina George x reader

Prompt: reader helps Regina when her life falls apart

Warnings: self hate, swearing,

A/N: I had a request to do this and I did it the other way around so here is a different version. I stuggled with the body part since I kind of was going on and on and it led to something else but I hope you like it!

Y/n’s pov

I just got to my girlfriend’s house. Her mom called me and said she’s been on the treadmill for two hours.

Ms. George called around four and she said that she left school early and wouldn’t get off, so I immediately told her that I was coming over.

I had just gotten out of school too.

So I run into the house and say a quick

“Hey Ms. George!”

And I ran to their workout room.

The door is locked so I knock really hard so she can hear me. She thinks I’m her mom so she yells

“Mom I told you I need to lose three pounds!!!”

“Gina baby! It’s me! Y/n! Can you please let me in?

“No! You need to go! I need to lose more weight!”

I sigh when I realize she’s not getting off that machine until I drag her off. So I quickly find two Bobby pins and pick the lock. Thank god for coach carr.

He might not have taught me a lot of things. Except for that if you have sex you’ll get chlamydia and die. (False) but he once had to pick the lock to get back into the classroom when he accidentally got us all locked out.

So I open the door and find her eating a gross looking bar of sorts.

I turn off the treadmill and say

“Gina. Please. This isn’t healthy.”

She is panting and sweating and she finally kind of snaps out of it.

She is like really fucking tired now so I help her to the bathroom to clean off.

“What kind of bar is that Gina?”

She shrugs while washing her hair and says

“It’s like a Kalteen bar. It’s Swedish or something”

I furrow my eyebrows and say

“Where did you get these from and what do they do?”

“They make you lose weight. And Cady gave them to me.”

She steps out of the shower and I say

“I don’t trust that girl”

She kind of scoffs and says

“You don’t trust anyone”

I look at her as she dries off and I say

“You’re right. I don’t trust very many people. Do you even know what is in this?”

She shrugs and says

“No.”

I squint and grab the package of the bars and I look up the brand. My eyes widen when I read the description.

All of the ingredients are said to be aids in gaining weight. So I turn to Regina and say

“Spit that out. Right. Now.”

She listens and spits it out, but says

“Why?”

I grab her hand and say

“You know how I said you shouldn’t trust Cady Heron?”

She rolls her eyes and says

“Yes come on tell me”

I sigh and pick up the bar and say

“This shit makes you gain weight. She literally tricked you.”

She takes the information in and then starts screaming.

Loud.

I cover my ears and as she is screaming she goes into her closet and grabs this pink book.

She finally stopped screaming. I’ve never seen this book before so I say

“What’s that?”

“A burn book”

She starts writing something in it and puts her picture in it.

“What is it about?”

She huffs and says

“It has all the girls in our class in it. Talks shit about them.”

I look at her with wide eyes and say

“Am i in it?”

She groans and says

“No. You go to north west. . I go to north shore. It only has north shore juniors in it. Also I’d never let them write anything bad about you anyways.”

I frown and nod my head and say

“What are you doing with it?”

She rolls her eyes and says

“I’m taking it to the school. Showing everyone. Blaming the three bitches who wouldn’t let me sit at my fucking table!”

I widen my eyes and say

“Wait. You couldn’t sit at their table?”

She nods her head and says

“Because I was wearing fucking sweatpants and it wasn’t the day.”

I scoff and say

“Wow. That’s stupid”

She nods and starts crying and says

“Sweatpants are all that fits me right now because of those stupid bars. I thought Cady was nice.”

I sign and nod my head. I run to hug her and say

“Let’s think this through baby. Whatever is in this book is going to ruin some people’s lives right now okay? I know she ruined yours. I know. But there’s no need to be the same way. Remember what we talked about?”

She looks at me and says

“What?”

I smile and say

“When someone hurts us. We get back up. Stand taller than them. And come back better than ever.”

She huffs and says

“Why though? Why can’t I ruin her life?”

I sigh and say

“Regina. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Don’t be the girl that hurt you first okay? Cady is a horrible person. She will have to deal with the consequences of that. But you are a good person.”

She sniffles and says

“I’m actually not”

I frown and say

“Huh?”

“I’m not a good person.”

I laugh softly and say

“What are you talking about baby?”

She sits up and takes a deep breath. It almost looks like she is preparing herself for me to leave her or something.

“Y/n. You know I am pretty popular right?”

I nod my head and say

“What does popularity have to do with anything?”

She looks down and says

“I’m not just popular. I’m like the head bitch in charge. I rule that fucking school. Every girl wants to be me. And I am mean. I’m a bully. I’ve never been nice to anyone. Not even Gretchen or Karen.”

I look at her confused and say

“What are you talking about? That doesn’t sound like you at all”

She sighs and shakes her head.

“I know. Because I am different around you. You make me a better person. But in reality. I am no better than Cady. There’s this one girl. I used to be friends with her. Her name is Janis. I ruined her life in sixth grade. I told everyone she was a lesbian because she was sad when I didn’t hang out with her because I had a boyfriend.”

I nod my head trying to take all this information in.

“And I bullied her so bad that she lit our shared stuffed animal on fire. Because I was using it to call her a lesbian without her knowing. So she lit it on fire. And then I caught my backpack on fire. I knew that. I knew she didn’t try to light my backpack on fire. And what did i do? I called her a pyro-lez. Everyone bullied her too. Trying to be like me.”

I look down and say

“Wow. That. That’s a lot”

She nods her head and says

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to find out. I thought we’d make it to college and I could be a completely different person. I thought I could run and be the person I want to be. But when you told me that you were switching schools for senior year I freaked out. Started focusing on everything that was happening this year like my body and my school life so that I could get it all this year. Because I knew the second you found out you’d dump me and then I’d become a loser.”

I nod my head as I listen to her.

“Regina?”

She stops and says

“I’m ready. I’m ready for you to break up with me”

I shake my head and say

“I’m not breaking up with you.”

She furrows her eyebrows as I continue.

“I’m sticking with you. Okay? Clearly you have a lot of things you need to work through. And that’s okay. We all do. But I am not leaving you. I love you okay? I love everything about you. And I’m not going to leave you because I know you can be better”

She nods her head and looks away and says

“Y/n? Why do you love me? I’m not pretty anymore”

I scoff and say

“What? You mean because Cady gave you those fuck ass bars? Because you gained a little weight?”

She nods her head and says

“I’m not pretty like I used to be. My body is ruined.”

I sigh and say.

“Take off your shirt”

Her eyes widen and she says

“What?”

I shake my head and say

“I’m not doing anything. Just take off your shirt okay?”

She does so and I get on my knees in between her legs. I kiss her stomach and I say

“I love your stomach. I love your stomach whether it is skinny and tiny or thicker okay?”

I move down and kiss her thighs

“I love your thighs. Whether or not they have a gap okay?”

She nods her head and I start kissing all over her and I say

“I love every inch of you. Every single inch. You having gained a little weight means nothing to me because you’re so so beautiful.”

Then I stand up and kiss her forehead.

“I love your mind. Because deep down I know you are good. If you really weren’t good I would have left you a long time ago. But you are good. You can be good to everyone.”

She tears up and says

“I want to be good”

I smile and say

“You do?”

She nods and says

“But I don’t know how”

I smile and say

“I’ll help you with that. But you have to look at me first and say you’re pretty”

She hesitates and shakes her head. I raise an eyebrow so she rolls her eyes and sighs. Then she mumbles

“I’m pretty”

I smirk and say

“Now mean it”

Once she realizes she’s not getting out of it, she sighs and for real says

“I love my body. I am pretty”

I smile and say

“Good job baby. Now. Let’s talk about what you’re gonna do now okay?”

She nods her head and I say

“So obviously this Janis girl has been hurt by you.”

She nods her head and I continue

“What are you going to do about that?”

She hesitantly says

“I’m gonna apologize?”

I nod my head and say

“Good job baby. You’re gonna apologize and explain to her why you did it all those years.”

She shakes her head and looks at me with pleading eyes and says

“What if she doesn’t care and still hates me?”

I sigh and say

“That’s a very likely possibility Regina. She might hate you. And that’s okay. Sometimes you have to understand that if you apologized, although it doesn’t make what you did right, it means you were willing to reconcile with them. And if they don’t care then that becomes their problem because you did what you could.”

She nods her head and says

“What else am I gonna do?”

I think and say

“You’re gonna burn that”

I point to the burn book she has and she says

“Why?”

I sigh and say

“Gina. You heard me. That book has the ability to ruin someone’s life. Honestly if I was in it and whatever had been written about me had gotten out I’d probably have hurt myself. We don’t want anyone to do that because of us right?”

She nods her head a lot and says

“I don’t want them to hurt”

I nod and say

“So you’re gonna?”

She finishes

“I’m gonna burn it tonight”

I nod and say

“Good job baby”

Then she says

“Let’s do it now.”

I smile and say

“Okay. Let’s do it now.”

We go to the backyard and I grab some lighter fluid from the barbecue pit and Regina throws the burn book in the fire pit.

I hand her the lighter fluid and she squirts some onto it and then I take it and trade her for the lighter.

She turns to me not knowing how to light it and I give her a bit of fire starter and say

“Wanna record it?”

She nods so I grab my phone and she burns the book.

We sit and watch it turn into ashes and I give her a hug. She turns to me and says

“It kind of feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders”

I smile and say

“Good. It should feel that way.”

We put the rest of the fire out and go back inside.

“Okay y/n, what else do I have to do?”

I smile and say

“Well I’m taking you shopping. You can’t go back better than ever wearing the sweatpants that fit you right now. So we’re going to buy some cute clothes in your current size and you’re gonna own it”

She smiles and says

“Okay.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We come back from the shopping spree with two bags in each hand

“That was amazing baby thank you for taking me and spoiling me”

I smile and say

“Anything for my love”

She smiles and then sets out an outfit for the next day.

I smile proudly and she turns around with a doubtful look.

“What if none of it works? What if everyone thinks I’m kidding when I start being nice? What if I don’t get any friends?”

I sigh and say

“It won’t matter. You’ll have me. I’ll always be here for you and next year I’ll be by your side. We are probably getting the same classes since we’re on the same course plan so we’ll have a lot of time together.”

She smiles and says

“Thanks baby you always know how to reassure me.”

I smile and nod.

“Of course baby. You deserve to know you’re not alone”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My school gets off on Fridays so I stayed home while Regina went to school.

She has been texting me all day asking for reassurance that she can do this. And I have nothing to do so I give it.

She is supposed to be talking to Janis this class period since they both have one class.

I told her to do it privately so nobody feels any pressure.

She calls me and I pick up.

“Regina? Baby are you okay?”

“Yeah! I’m good!”

She sounds happy that’s a good sign.

“How’d it go?”

She giggles at someone who is talking to her and she says

“Janis and I talked it out and she’s so fun. I have been talking and laughing with her all period! Thank you for encouraging me to do this.”

I sigh and say

“Did you tell her about the burn book?”

She says

“Mhm. We talked about it and she said I was having problems with internalized homophobia”

I smile and say

“Yeah. That’s probably it. Than what happened?”

“We just started talking and it was like before! When we used to be best friends you know?”

I say

“Mhm”

And she continues

“Hey! So I have to go okay? I don’t want to get in trouble for having my phone out but I just wanted to say that Janis and I are gonna hang out tonight. Is that okay?”

“Yeah that’s fine. Wait before you go did you mean like you’re gonna hang out with her and then hang out with me?”

She giggles at that person again

Probably Janis

“Oh um. I think we’re gonna catch up like a bunch so probably not. We can hang out tomorrow night though right?”

I sigh and say

“Yeah that’s fine baby. Call me tonight?”

She laughs and says

“I will. I love you baby bye bye”

“I love you too bye”

We hang up and I throw my phone on the bed.

Of course I’m a little hurt. We were supposed to go on a date tonight. Like we do every Friday night. But it’s fine. She is just excited about Janis. And that’s okay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My sister comes into my room in the afternoon and says

“You’re not going to Regina’s?”

I shake my head

“But it’s your date night?”

I smile and say

“She’s catching up with an old friend.”

She makes an oh face and leaves me be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ve been watching movies all evening and it’s almost midnight. I do have to sleep eventually but Regina hasn’t called me yet.

I sigh and accept that she’s not gonna call me tonight so I turn off my tv and go to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up and check my phone to hopefully see some texts from Regina but nothing shows up.

Just a few emails and snap streaks.

I check all of Regina’s socials and I see her story.

She went to the movies with Janis to watch Inside Out 2.

We were supposed to watch that together.

I tear up because we had planned that since we first saw the trailers for it.

And she watched it without even a thought of me.

I get lost in my thoughts.

Maybe this was her thing the whole time. She bullied Janis because she liked her. And I was just someone to take her mind off of her. But she got her. And I am gonna be left. And after all I did for her? Are you kidding me?! I helped her. I love her. I have so much up for her. And she’s just gonna drop me for this girl?!

I didn’t realize until my phone started ringing that I am crying.

It’s Regina. I check the time and see it’s noon.

I wipe my tears and make myself a little more presentable even though she can’t see me and I pick up.

“Wow baby. You usually pick up after the first ring”

I laugh and cover up the fact that I was just crying and say

“I was in the bathroom sorry”

She hums and says

“How was your night?”

I sigh and say

“It was fine”

“I’m sorry I didn’t call you. It’s just Janis and I had so much fun and she decided to stay over at my house last night and I felt like I would be a bad friend if I called my girlfriend while she was there.”

“It’s okay Gina. I get it. I just wish you texted me”

“I know I just got caught up and had so much fun and forgot. I’m sorry”

“It’s okay.”

After a pause I decided to bring up the movie and say

“So… you and Janis went to the movies last night?”

She hums and says

“Yeah it was so much fun. You would have loved it.”

I feel another tear coming and I suck it up.

“Yeah. What did you guys watch?”

“We watched.. inside out 2”

She trails off when she realizes what we were supposed to do next week. But before she says anything I say

“So you’re cancelling next week? I mean. It would be kind of wasteful to just watch it again right? Waste of time.”

She sighs and says

“I’m so sorry y/n. I completely forgot. Janis had asked me and I just said yes without thinking. We can still go if you want to?”

I say

“No it’s okay. I’ll watch it when it comes out on Netflix or something. I don’t like the movies anyways.”

Lie. I love the movies.

“Huh. I thought you loved the movies?”

I huff and say

“It’s fine.”

She says

“Janis left a few minutes ago and I called as soon as I could.”

I hum and say

“Oh that’s nice. I’m glad you’re catching up with her”

She then says

“Yeah. Want to hang out today?”

“Uhh I don’t know, I’m kinda busy today. I have a lot of chores to do.”

“Oh. Well I could help you with them! Then we could spend time together and they’ll be finished faster so we can hang out!”

I reluctantly give in. I kind of don’t want to hang out with her since I’m hurt but maybe it’ll be easier to explain to her in person.

“Sure. Come over”

“Okay!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Regina gets to my house and immediately hugs me. I melt into her embrace and say

“Thanks for coming.”

“Of course! Anything to hang out with my person!”

I smile awkwardly and just walk back to my chores.

I start folding clothes and Regina tries to talk to me.

“So. What did you do this morning?”

“Slept in”

“Oh. Um did you sleep alright?”

“I slept fine”

“Okay. Did you have a good day yesterday?”

I sigh and say

“Not really”

This is the perfect set up to tell her how I feel. I need to communicate with her better.

“Oh. Why wasn’t it good?”

I fold the last shirt I have and pick up my pile and take it to my room and Regina follows me.

“I don’t know”

I get scared and shut down a bit but Regina knows this play

“Don’t do that. Tell me why it wasn’t good baby”

I put my clothes in my drawer and pick up some shoes and put them in my closet. I end up picking some stuff up and I’m on my knees by my shoes.

I try to say something but nothing comes out. So Regina peeks her head in and says

“Hello?”

I turn from my spot on the ground and tear up slightly.

“Oh baby! Don’t cry! What happened?”

She comes and sits down next to me in my now cramped closet.

“I don’t know. I’m having a hard time saying it”

“I understand that. Take your time baby. I’m here”

I sigh and smile slightly when I realize she has picked up my words from when we were in this situation but reversed.

“I guess- I- ugh this is so hard”

I run my hands through my hair and Regina just listens. She gives me a reassuring look and I feel better about telling her.

“I am hurt I guess. By you. See I love that you are rekindling a friendship that you lost a long time ago but it’s not like you to dip on me okay!”

She furrows her eyebrows and says

“Dip? We didn’t have any plans last night did we?”

I sigh and say

“It was Friday last night. We always make plans. Remember? It was your week to plan it. But that’s not even the only thing. You dipped on me, which I said it was fine because I knew you were excited about being friends with her again, then you didn’t call me like you said you would. And to top it all off I woke up this morning to see you watched a movie with her that we had plans to watch together! I’m just really hurt that you didn’t remember all of that.”

She looks down feeling bad that she did all of that.

“I’m so sorry y/n”

I look at her and say

“It’s fine. I’m just being over dramatic.”

I wipe my tears and go to get up but she grabs me and says

“No. It’s not fine. You should be my priority. But you were not last night. I got so caught up in me and Janis that I completely forgot about you. And that’s not okay. I should have remembered that you and I were going to watch the movie. I should have remembered to call you. But I didn’t.”

I sigh and say

“I’m sorry I just am jealous I guess. I feel like you never act like this and I got scared that you’d leave me for her because you didn’t want me to begin with. I thought maybe you had wanted Janis but didn’t know if you could have her but you knew you could have me”

She laughs and shakes her head

“No baby. I love you so much. I had a lapse of judgment last night. And I apologize. I don’t like Janis like that. Thank goodness. But I won’t leave you. Ever. And by the way. I really appreciate you telling me this. It can take a lot and you’re helping our relationship be better by communicating with me.”

I smile and say

“Thank you baby I’m sorry I got so worked up. I just let my thoughts get to me.”

She nods and says

“I can relate to that”

I smile and say

“So. What do we do now?”

I look around and she does too. We’re still on the floor of my cramped closet and she says

“I guess we cuddle and watch a movie together?”

I smile and say

“I like that idea.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: this totally went the opposite of what I planned but it’s fine 😚 it’s cute either way. I hope y’all liked it!!

Taglist

@ilovesnat @ihartnat @marvelnatasha12346 @moistblobfish @justarandomreaderxoxo

[k-slla]

The Best Kind of Stress Relief

A/N: @cevansbaby-dove It's really a quick in-n-out (😅) and I remember you mentioning that you wouldn't mind being choked by Jensen so *cough cough* here you go! 🤗 Hope you'll like it! 😈🤍

All mistakes are mine!

Warnings: 18+ONLY, language, unprotected PinV, choking, using tie as gag, rough sex, creampie (I am so bad with the warnings- A whole lot of smut that's what this is, so MDNI)

WC: ~1.5k

My Masterlist

You were standing outside of Felicia’s trailer, talking to her after the shooting had wrapped for the day while you waited for Jensen. 

“I know it will get better, but lately it's just so hard for me to focus on working. I’ve tried meditating, relaxing baths, everything!” You shrugged defeatedly. “We even went camping last weekend.” You added, referring to yourself and Jensen. 

Amusing grin appeared on her face. “You clearly did something wrong there if even that wasn’t relaxing for you.” 

You laughed and shoved her playfully. “Stop! We really were just camping, you know?” 

She lifted her hands up in surrender. “I know, I know. What I am saying though, is that you should’ve spent that weekend doing something else. Like doing him for example.” 

You saw Jensen approaching you two with a serious face, killing the light mood you and Felicia had.

“Y/N, can we talk for a second?”

You started to worry. “Sure, babe.” 

You got confused when he started to pull you back towards the set. “What’s up? Where are we going? Aren’t they closing it down already?”

His eyes sparkled mischievously when he looked back at you over his shoulder and grinned widely. “Don’t worry, we’ll be quick.”

You followed him through the maze of different rooms, until you finally arrived at the set of Bunker’s library, and Jensen pushed you to sit down in one of the chairs at the table. You eyed his moves curiously and tried to figure out his plans when he walked to the shelf and pulled one of Dean’s ties, he had worn earlier that day, out from between the books. “What are you doing?”

He ignored your question, threw the tie onto the table and pulled you up from the chair. You were now completely pinned between him and the table. “Oh, babe, what-!” Jensen cupped your cheek and kissed you, deepening it gradually until you were completely breathless.

“Sweetheart, work has been hard lately for you, hasn't it?” he whispered and pulled away from your lips. You nodded without a word, trying to catch your breath. His gaze shifted hungrily between your eyes and lips, as he brushed his thumb softly over your bottom lip. 

“And you know that I can't let you take all that work stress home with you, right? It's just not healthy for you.” Jensen turned you around, so you were backed against his chest and you couldn't hold back a gasp at his sudden moves. He pushed aside your hair, revealing your neck and peppered kisses from under your ear along your shoulder.

“So what should I do about it? Fuck it out of you?” His voice was quiet and laced with desire, and you could already feel his erection pressing into your thighs. Deep moan escaped from the back of your throat, when he cupped one of your breasts. 

Suddenly it dawned on you, what he had just said. “Wait, what? Right now? What if someone walks in here?” Jensen started to play with the hem of your shirt, teasingly sliding his fingers up your skin underneath it. With one hand flat on your stomach, the other one turned your chin towards him before he kissed you cravingly. “It's definitely risky, but isn't that part of the fun?” 

His tongue slipped by your lips, claiming your mouth wholly. Only some desperate groans escaped you when he continued his attack on your mouth. 

Without breaking your kiss, his hand moved down to open the zipper of your pants. “But we don't have to do anything, if you don't want to, just say stop, Y/N.” He added, knowing very well, that you won't say no when his fingers had already slipped into your underwear, where you were all wet and ready for him. You pulled away from his kiss and gasped too loudly. “No, Jensen! Don't you dare to..” he clasped one hand onto your mouth to shut you up. “Damnit, baby, you gotta keep your voice down a little bit or I’ll have to stop.” He growled into your ear and pulled away his hand to start pushing down your jeans and underwear. “You don't want me to do that, do you, sweetheart?” he asked when he moved up again and raised one of your freed legs onto the table to have better access to your pussy. 

“No, please, Jay, I want you to-” he gave you a quick kiss. “I know, just a second.” He left you there standing for a second to get himself out of his pants. He spat into his hand to lube up his cock, even though you were drenched already. He came to stand behind you again and you could feel his erection sliding between your folds, but instead of pushing inside you, he took the tie from the table and folded it up. “Open up.” He brought it up to your lips. “So you wouldn't scream too loudly.” He added with a grin. You took the tie between your teeth, biting down on it hard when Jensen suddenly pushed himself in. “Mmm..mmhh.” He didn't even give you a chance to get used to him, but started pounding hard into you. You tried to keep yourself steady on the ground, but with one leg it was quite a challenge, and the table under you was too wide to hold on from the edges so you jolted forward with each of his moves.

As he continued pistoning into you, holding you in place with one hand on your shoulder, the other one closed around your throat, squeezing and pulling a deep guttural moan out of you. “Mnhmmck!” Jensen took it as a cry, and stopped moving and quickly released his hand from your neck. “Too much?” He asked, pulling the gag from you. “No…please I want…it harder.” You breathed heavily. He shoved the tie back and buried himself back into you. “Fuck, Y/N, you are just perfect, but we have to be quick now. Don't want them to start looking for us, do we?”

You shook your head. “Mmkh...mm…mmhms.” No words came out through the gag you had, but Jensen understood you perfectly and so your windpipe was closed off again. Your eyes closed in ecstasy, and you reached overhead behind you to find his hair to lock your fingers into. 

The edges of your vision began to go white quickly from the air being cut off and Jensen's moves started to falter, letting you know he was near cumming. “Mm..fuck, Y/N, I'm almost close…but I want you to cum first, understand, baby?” He panted into your ear between his thrusts. “I want to feel you cumming all over my cock. I want you to remember this, when we're coming back to work tomorrow with Jared and Felicia and sit at this table. Just remember how I filled you up..”

You tried to moan, but even that wasn't possible with your throat closed off by his large hand, so you just tightened your grip in his hair, making Jensen groan as a result. He saw you were close to your climax and moved his hand from your neck to your mouth, knowing that with the first gasp of air you were going to fall off the edge.

You inhaled loudly through your nose and wanted to scream, but on top of the gag, his hand was also muffling all your cries, as he fucked you roughly through your orgasm. “Let it all out, baby..let it go..” he whispered into your ear, still moving fast in you, chasing after his own release.

Your whimpers started to die down as you were coming off your high. After a few last quick moves, Jensen pushed deep inside you, his cock throbbing hard as his cum covered your walls. “Fuck!” He leaned over you and searched for support from the table. Finally you pulled the tie out of your mouth. “Baby, that was so fucking perfect..” you whispered breathlessly. “But we gotta go now.” 

Both of you got quickly dressed and searched for your way out, without being caught. You tried to composure yourself, not to seem suspicious, but you knew your flushed cheeks and breathlessness was not easy to hide.

“Where were you two? We've been waiting for ages!” Jared started to complain as soon as he saw you two approaching the car. 

“You were not! Y/N and I just had to have a quick chat.” Jared threw a quick look at you as you and Jensen climbed into the backseat. “Yeah, right! And that couldn't wait until you get home, where you two live together? Alone? Not a single pair of eyes around?” Jared started teasing and Jensen wasn't having any of it.

“Shut up! Clif, let's just go.” 

Jared looked over his shoulder to the backseat. “I don't know, Y/N, it looks like you two need to have another talk at home.” To this remark even Jensen bursted out laughing. “Oh, we will, don't you worry about that.” He chuckled and winked at you.

Taglist: @jackles010378 @deanwinchestersgirl87 @alternativeprincess94 @il0vebeingdelulu

[brooooswriting]

Hi! Could I please request Leighton x reader where the reader is Whitney’s teammate on the soccer team and they have an away game and they end up getting sick during the game so Whitney calls Leighton and they pick them up and take them home and take care of them and it’s super fluffy.

I meant to

Leighton Murray x reader

“Damn bro, you look like shit” Whitney said as you arrived at the parking lot where the rest of the team was. As soon as the words left her mouth you frantically looked around.

“Shhhh” you grumbled, checking around you one more. “Leighton wanted to come say goodbye and I don’t want her to know. So can you stop talking so damn loud” your bag hit the ground with a loud thud, making Willow turn around.

“Why? Dude, don’t tell me you were out getting drunk and cheated on her” she was half joking and half scared about what might be wrong with you.

“Obviously… not. Who do you think I am?! I had a real bad migraine yesterday and I couldn’t sleep, I still have one. Shit just doesn’t go away” you explained to the two who gave you a sympathetic smile. Willow also dealt with migraines and it was more than once that Whitney had to hold your hair while you threw up due to them. But it wasn’t unusual that they were a telltale sign of something else coming.

“Girl is coming” willow warned you as she saw Leighton come towards you.

“Hey, I just wanted to say goodbye. I’m so sorry that I cant come to watch” the blonde said as she pulled you a bit further away so you could talk in private.

“It’s alright, I get it” you told her, mustering up the best smile you could. You didn’t want her to worry about you since she had a lot to do.

“So, go and win that thing. We will celebrate when you get back okay?” There was a moment of silence where she just looked at you, her eyes studying you which made you panic. You tried to look as happy and healthy as you could which wasn’t really working. “Are you feeling alright? You look kinda ill baby” she added as she stepped closer to you, her hands finding your face.

“It’s okay, I’m just a bit nervous. So, you were talking about celebrating when I come back?” You grinned which made her giggle too. You wrapped your arms around her waist to pull her closer.

“You’ll do great, you always do. I will see you in four days okay?” You pressed a couple of soft kisses to her lips, she wasn’t the biggest fan of pda so you tried to keep it down.

“Y/n, we gotta go” the coach screamed making both you and Leighton roll your eyes. You slightly turned to tell her that you were coming.

This time the blonde pressed a more passionate kiss to your lips before letting you go. “You sure you alright?” She questioned again, feeling like something was wrong.

“Yeah, I’ll text you when we arrive okay? Love you” you pressed a kiss to her temple before walking to the bus.

“Good luck, love you too”

You fell into the seat next to Whitney, your head immediately falling to her shoulder. The girl sighed, she knew that you probably shouldn’t play and should stay home in your bed but she also knew how important these games were to you and if it was just a headache you should be okay. Willow nudged Whitney when they were 3/4th of the way to see if you were still asleep, and you were. Plus, your head started to feel warmer over time and your phone was going off non stop. They assumed it was Leighton who was trying to chat with you during one of her courses.

Once they arrived you were carefully shaken awake, the two girls giving you a soft smile. “We are here, sleepyhead. Are you sure you’re up for this?” Willow asked, if they were only here for one game she wouldn’t have said anything and let you power through. But since there were some Postponements you had to play two games in one day.

“Yes, I’m fine. I just need a bit of water and an aspirin and I’ll be fine. I promise” you gave them a smile before looking at your phone. “Damn, but before I’ll be calling my very angry and concerned girlfriend” they laughed as you scurried of to talk to Leighton.

“Damn, look who’s back” one of your teammates laughed as you came into the locker room after your call with Leighton. You offered a polite laugh as you got your stuff out of your bag and started to change.

The coach and the team were amazed by how you powered through the first 20 minutes of the game but it was obvious how quickly you let up, your movements were uncontrolled and it was clear that you had problem running straight. “Time out” the coach called out quickly when she saw your legs bend in a weird way. Jenna and another teammate quickly caught you as they were closest to you. “Y/n? You alright?” Jenna asked to keep you concise as best as possible.

You mumbled out something incoherent as they half carried you to the side of the field. “Does anyone know if her parents live nearby? I don’t want her to stay out here for the next two games” the coach asked into the group but before anyone could answer you spoke up.

“No! It’s okay, I just need a power bar and a painkiller and I can go back” Whitney shook her head, her phone already in her hand so she could call your girlfriend. She wasn’t sure if Leighton was going to pick you up but if the blonde found out that you were ill and she didn’t tell her she’d be dead.

“The only place you’re going is home y/l/n, you did really good. But now it’s time to get better ok?” Willow said, her hand rubbing your back in a comforting manner.

“Leighton?” Whitney spoke into her phone after going somewhere more quiet. She knew that Leighton would freak out a bit and it would be easier to calm her if she could hear what she was saying.

“Whit? Is everything alright? Did you guys already win?” Her voice was happy until she realized that her roommates mood was off. “Whitney?” She questioned again.

“Everything is okay, Leigh. It’s just that… well y/n seems to be ill, she nearly broke down on the field but-“ she didn’t even have the opportunity to finish as the blonde started talking.

“Im coming to get her. I’ll be there in an hour, one and a half max” and with that the phone call was over. The football player sighed, she knew that the other girl wasn’t thinking rationally. It takes at least 2 and a half hours to get to them, with the bus it was a lot longer. But still, there was no way she’d make it in such short notice.

“Her girlfriend will pick her up, said she’ll be here in an hour and a half, but I think it will be more like 2 and a half” she told the coach as you laid on a bank, a towel was covering your face to shield your face from the brightness of the sun. You must have fallen asleep as the next thing you knew was a hand carefully shaking you awake.

“Y/n, babe, you gotta wake up” you immediately perked up when you heard your girlfriend’s voice, removing the cover from your face and sitting up. The fast motion wasn’t the greatest thing as a wave of nausea and dizziness overcame you. “You alright?” Her hand quickly found your forehead, a sigh leaving her when she felt how warm it was.

“Yeah, it’s okay. You didn’t have to come” you insisted but your protest was weak which showed her that you must really feel shitty. You hated it when other people could see your weak side so you’d fight a lot more if you had the energy.

“We will talk about this later, now come on. The car is waiting” she carefully pulled you up before Jenna grabbed your other arm to help her get you to the car. Whitney carried your bag and said her goodbye before returning to the field.

“Don’t loose idiot” you grinned weakly which made her laugh.

Once you sat in the car and Leighton made sure you had everything you might need, water, pills, a bag to throw up, some food and a blanket she gave the driver a sign. The car started to roll and you were out like a light. The blonde took the middle seat so you could rest against her, your head leaning onto her shoulder. Every now and then she pressed a kiss to your head while her hand rubbed your arm. Sadly, your temperature didn’t seem to go down and every now and then a cough left your mouth.

Leighton felt bad about waking you up but the car stopped and her bed was way more comfortable than the car. “Baby, cmon we are here. Let’s get you to bed huh?” You weakly opened your eyes and gave her a nod before crawling out of the car. You tried to grab your bag but the girl was quicker as she slung it over her shoulder, her hand grabbing yours as she pulled you along. “I know this sucks but I want you to take a shower before you go to bed. You sweated a lot on the field and I think it’d be good for you” she explained as she pulled out some of the clothes you had at hers.

After a quick shower and a lot of whining from your side, Leigh blowdried your hair and then got you back to bed. “Need anything else?” She asked as you pulled the covers over yourself, a bottle of water and everything else you might need on the side table. You shook your head which made her smile at her accomplishment. She never really took care of someone else as she never had a real partner but she seemed to do a good job. So she quickly changed into some more comfortable clothes and crawled into bed with you.

“No” you mumbled and scooted away from her which confused her. She tried again but again you scooted further away which was really hard in the small bed.

“What why?”

“You’ll get ill, too” it was hard to understand what you said as your whole face was pressed into the pillow but since the bed was so small she was close enough.

“You’re being stupid! If I get sick it was worth it, so now let me cuddle you until you feel better. We both know you want to” she grinned at the last part and wiggled her eyebrows which made you smile too.

“You sure?” As she nodded again you scooted back so you could cuddle into her. Her arms wrapped around you as your head rested on her chest. “Thank you for taking care of me” you pressed a light kiss to the hoodie she was clad in before closing your eyes again.

After a couple of hours, Leighton decided to call Kimberly and ask her if she could bring you two something to eat from Sips. Of course she’d rather eat, well anything else, but then she’d have to get up and wake you. So sips it was.

“Kimberly, hey, can you bring y/n and me something from the cafe? Preferably a soup for her, she came down with the flu and is now sleeping in my bed. I don’t wanna leave her” she mumbled into the phone, careful not to wake you. Even though she was sure that the pills knocked you out so bad that even a bomb wouldn’t have woken you.

“Sure, I’ll be there in like half an hour to an hour is that okay?”

“Yes, thank you a lot. I’ll Venmo you the money”

About an hour later there was a soft knock on the door before her roommate entered the room. “Hey, I got her a noodle soup, a tea and a sandwich just in case she was hungry after the game. And I got you a burrito, without meat this time and a coffee” Kimberly explained as she gave Leighton the things she bought. After she thanked her and venmoed the money the brunette left the room again.

“Am I smelling soup?” You whispered with a rough voice as your girlfriend woke you up. Your throat hurt worse than before and your headache was still painfully present but at least your temperature seemed to go down.

“Yeah, Kimberly brought it. Now sit up so you can eat something. Oh, she got you a tea too” she helped you up and propped a pillow behind your back to make it more comfortable. Once you were situated she handed you the container of soup and a spoon before starting to eat herself. She looked over to see you staring at the liquid, the spoon dipping in and out without touching your mouth. “What’s wrong?” She asked as she turned towards you.

You only sent her a shy smile which made her study your face deeper. “Scared that it’s going to hurt?” You gave her a nod and she send you a sad smile. “But you gotta eat something, please? Just try it” you felt bad about worrying her so you gave her a nod and put the spoon to your mouth.

After a bit of a fight, you ate the whole soup and drank your tea while watching your comfort movie. The duvet was pulled up to your chin and your head rested in Leighton lap while she scratched your scalp with one hand, the other one playing on her phone. It got later and later as you drifted in and out of consciousness. At one point you felt your girlfriend leave the bed for about 10 minutes before she returned, this time laying next to you.

“Good night, wake me up if you need anything ok?” She told you as her hand rubbed your back and her lips pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.

You gave her a nod, even though you knew that you weren’t going to. “I love you” you answered instead, moving your head up so you could send her a tired smile which she returned. “I love you too”

The next time you woke up it was around 7/8 a.m. and both you and Leighton were more than happy that it was a Saturday. Your throat still hurt and the headache was still there, plus your cough hasn’t left completely but your temperature seemed to be around normal again. “Good morning” the girl you used as a pillow said as she stretched as best as she could with you on top of her.

“Good morning” you rasped out as your head rested on her chest again.

“How are you feeling?” The back of her hand carefully pressed against your forehead to feel your temperature as she asked.

“Better, a lot actually. Thanks to you alone love” Leighton had to say, she was really proud of herself. She alone nursed you to become better.

“No problem, I just which you had told me earlier. Like when I asked you that morning” she admitted, she felt bad about bringing it up while you were still ill but she wanted to get it off of her chest. You gave her a sigh before scooting away so you could look at her.

“I’m sorry. I meant to, I really did but I knew you would have made me stay at home, which in retrospect would have been smarter, but I didn’t wanna leave the team alone” you explained as you studied her face, hop on that she’d understand you.

“I get it, but this was really dangerous you idiot. And then you wanted to go back on the field after you almost passed out? You gotta set boundaries for yourself” you knew she was right and you hated it.

“Well, if you’re always going to take care of me like this when I’m ill I’ll look forward to it” you joked as you pulled her into you.

“Glad to see that you feel better. But what are we thinking about sleeping for another hour or two?” You gave her a happy nod and settled back into the bed to get another hour of sleep. Your heart fluttered at the way she held you, not once did you have a partner who cared for you as deeply as Leighton did and you really hoped that she knew how much you cared about her too.

“I love you” you mumbled into her as her breath evened out. You couldn’t wait until you were healthy again so you could kiss her again.

[deesseshesca]

PAC 18+: How can you spice up your sex life with your s/o?

Now let's bring it up a notch...

Good evening, pretty souls, today I'm diving under the cover of y'all relationship to keep up with your panties/boxer.

FLASH SALE

For the next 2 weeks all readings on my ko-fi is 20$, only 

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else. 

MINOR DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST 

MINOR DON’T READ THIS POST 

TW: Sexual abuse, DV

Basing myself on the legal age in my country which is 18 

PILE 1 

4 wands, 5 swords, 3 swords, 9 swords, ‘’I’m going through a lot right now, I need some space & time to gather my thoughts !’’ 

Mutual masturbation 

Edging 

Overstimulation

💌 Your partner don't feel appreciated enough in the bedroom. They feel like u are comparing them to your past lovers. If not, they feel like they don't compare. On your side you are tired of their toxic behavior. They are not toxic is just that they are stuck in bad habits. Which is stopping y'all from evolving as a couple. You are not satisfy emotionally, they are not satisfy physically. Anyway Pile 1, if you need any advice on how to deal with situation, you can always book a reading on my Ko-fi, link down below. Especially now that they are on sales for only 20$. (Link at the end of the post)

Much love, Shesca

PILE 2 

2 pentacles, 2 swords, 4 wands, 5 wands, ‘’I look at my phone everyday hoping I would see a message from you’’ 

Cuddlefuck 

No foreplay 

Voyeurism  

Femdom 

💌I think your partner is usually the one in control. Y'all usually have some hardcore sex or even BDSM. There's a clear difference between a sub and dom energy down to even the look. One of y'all is real petite. You are probably part of the itty bitty community or you dick may be on the smaller side. Y'all are very delicate and graceful being. While he is all tall and buff or she is very curvy and way taller than u. If you initiate with a bratty attitude instead of being your docile self, is going to fire up the spark between y'all. Are y'all going camping trip or on a trip abroad with friend ? You should run your hand up and down his dick while y'all look at a movie in the living room, if they are a women, maybe play with their tits. Or when y'all back in the tent, you should initiate something knowing damm well is hella risky. It's going to excited them and finally give them a reason to do all the punishments they dream to apply on u. Since u been a good girl/boy (is not me...is them ), they only fantasy is about punishing you. Anyway if you guys need any advice how to make it happen, you can always book a reading on my Ko-fi, especially now that's only 20$ (Link at the end of the post)

Much love, Shesca

PILE 3 

Judgment, 5 swords, Page wands, 8 cups 

Check in : Babes, I'm sorry for the fuck up things you been through. You guys have a lot of sexual trauma. You spend your whole in poverty until you made the decision to become an escort or stripper. Which only added to the trauma. Some of y'all been in abusive relationship or all you life you felt like the only way someone will stay with you would be for sex. So you felt obligated to give some. But now you are in healthy relationship. The life you have now is a complete 360 of your past. Stay at home wife in the sunburn, spending most of your weekend supporting your kids hobbies. Nobody would even the guess how hard it was for you to get this peaceful life.

Dirty talk 

Nudist Event 

Power play 

💌 Now girl/boy... what's going ? Why are only serving same old missionary with the men/women you love. I can feel how deeply you love them. So you are completely comfortable around them. Yet no split on dick or feasting on the clit. No crazy lingerie. No lap dancing. No nothing. I don't know much about life but I think when u are married you can defiantly match the freak. Talk nasty to him/her, giving him/her a VIP experience and they will go crazy. Send them nasty pic, girl/boy you have all the power to spice things up. Anyway Pile 3, if you need help on tapping back into your sexual self in more healthy manner, you can always book a reading on my Ko-fi for only 20$.(Link at the end of the post)

Much love, Shesca.

7 wands, Page cups, 9 wands, 7 cups,’’Karmic partner interference’’, ‘’I’m ready to come clean ! I can’t lose you again !’’ 

Food 

Jealousy/possessiveness

Communication 

💌 You are married to someone you don't know anymore. If you know One tree hill (the best TV show in the word), y'all make me think of Quinn and her relationship with her ex-husband David. They were a time, the person on your side was loving and emotionally available. Now he is crazy about profit and barely spend time in the same room as you. Than there's him/her. They know they can treat u better than your husband/wife and is pissing them off the way things are . They dream of licking wiped cream of your nipple, ever since they saw in that sundress at the pool party or when you do your daily run with no shirt on. Anyways Pile 4, I know you are going to figure it all out but if you want insight from your spiritual team regarding this whole mess, you always book a ready on my Ko-fi. Especially now, they are only 20$. (Link at the end of the post)

Much love, Shesca.

[amorgansgal]

A Full Heart

Hi, it's me again, being very broody and wanting Halsin to have so many babies! Inspired by @neontokyoo's post here I wrote a little something something about Halsin being a girl dad and having twins, because I just couldn't resist, ok??

Halsin x Female Tav

‘More girls and twins to boot, I don’t envy Halsin, that’s going to be a lot of work!’ 

Halsin had been tending the kitchen gardens in Reithwin when he heard voices float through the windows and it made him stop his work. His oldest daughter, Lyra, was still toddling about happily, her hands covered in mud (which he had to make sure she didn’t end up putting in her mouth) and she’d been eagerly ‘helping’ him as much as a two year old could. They had to replant a couple of things that weren’t ready to be cooked in the kitchen, though it warmed his heart to hear her hysterical laughter at a tiny little carrot. 

‘Baby carrot!’ she had crowed as though it were the funniest thing in the world. 

Now, he was distracted and continued to listen in to the conversation. Elves often had twins, so the fact that he now had two new babies wasn’t too much of a surprise and he had sensed them long before they were born. He had been thrilled that not only was he going to be a father again, but twins were seen as a blessing in Elven culture.

‘I know, he must be so disappointed that she’s given him more girls. Still, she’s young, still time for him to have a son.’

‘Not that young,’ someone else said sniffily. 

His blood simmered with irritation that they would speak so dismissively of his love, especially when she had been through the hells to birth their children and all of them were happy, healthy and safe. Why would they think that this wasn’t a blessing? Boy or girl, it hardly mattered as long as the child was happy and healthy. And he was delighted with them. Ara had been born with an almost disgruntled, dissatisfied look on her face as though she were appalled she had been forced to leave her safe, warm home. And Thalia had cried loudly, until she got to hold her twin’s hand while being held on Tav’s chest. Halsin almost wept at how perfect and beautiful they were.  And in comparison to himself, Tav was young and there was plenty of time to have more children - well, at least he hoped so. If Tav decided three were enough he wouldn’t force them to bear more, but truth be told, he had been hoping for five or six children.

He inhaled deeply, calming himself and got to his feet, quickly swooping Lyra up so she let out a little shriek of joy. Halsin smiled at her and picked up the basket of vegetables. ‘Come, let us put some rumours to rest and wash your hands and face, so your mother can see you.’

‘Stuff and nonsense, he’s always loved looking after the children, after all he was delighted when-’ one of the gossiping women was saying when he strolled into the kitchen. 

‘Oh Halsin!’ one of the older women cried out, he was glad to see the group at least had the decency to look ashamed. After a long silence, she continued, ‘We were just saying-’

‘I know full well,’ he put the basket down and carried Lyra over to a bucket of water, she happily splashed her hands in the cold water and squirmed when Halsin attempted to rub her hands with a bar of soap. It slipped from his grasp and fell into the bucket with a loud plop. Lyra giggled and reached in to grab it, the soap momentarily shot up to the surface and then disappeared again.

‘Slippy soap!’ his daughter cried out.

He fished the soap out and continued to clean his daughter’s hands. He almost felt a little bad that the women were nervously watching him, waiting with baited breath as to what he would do or say. He was no longer archdruid, he wasn’t exactly going to berate them especially in front of his child, however much he would like to. Once Lyra’s face and hands were clean from the mud, he lifted her back up.

‘Rather than speaking behind mine or my loved one’s back, I will assure you I am quite happy and content with three girls. If we have sons, then all well and good, but my heart has never been more full or delighted than with my daughters. We are not in the cities anymore, where such foolish, simple minded rules and beliefs exist concerning a man’s expectations of his wife or lover. Now, if you’ll excuse me,’ he said. ‘I must see to Tav.’

He did not wait for the women to speak further, but left the room. Lyra clung to him tightly and beamed up at him. He smiled at her, that look of adoration and happiness was all he lived for, what did he care if anyone else pitied him or thought he was weak or foolish for not being disappointed? As they approached their house, Lyra wiggled excitedly.

‘Mama?’ she asked.

‘Yes, we’re going to see Mama, and your new little sisters.’

[aphroditestearsofjoy]

🌸 𝐆𝐮𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐚 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐲 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐲𝐥𝐞

I've been active in the self-care community for a little bit and read lots of books about lifestyle. There is already a lot of lovely advice on this app, but there are some important aspects I haven't seen and some aspects I don't think are as important. I hope this helps some people to accomplish their dream lifestyle!  But in all honesty, I do mainly write this as a list and reminder for myself. This is going to take quite some time to read, but I promise you, it will be worth it. 

Before you read everything, I want to remind you that this is a long list of healthy habits. That does not mean you need to follow everything to be "that" version of ourselves, we need to be realistic. It's kind of like vegetables. Vegetables are healthy, and you should eat them, but you don't need to eat all the vegetables that exist in order to be healthy. You eat the vegetables that you like and align with your lifestyle. So follow the tips that you like and align with your lifestyle! 

𝕄𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕤𝕖𝕥

This is one of the most important parts of a healthy lifestyle. I have a lot to say here and on most other parts of this post so if you want to know more, just let me know!

💭Because I am mindset - this is one of the most important things you need to learn! If you want to feel loved, good enough, pretty (Or all because that is what you deserve) or anything else, the only thing you need to do is change the way you think. 

For a moment, I want you to think and answer this question to me: "Why are you good enough?" If you answered with your accomplishments, looks or anything that is not "Because I am me, and I am good enough." you are wrong. This may sound weird because in the self-care community we are taught that in order to be successful we need to have things like a morning routine, a bedtime and always need to take care of ourselves. While these are things that can improve your life, they do not make you any more deserving of love and care. If you let your happiness depend on anything but the fact that you are here and that you deserve it, you will always be unhappy. Even if you don't feel it now, the moment you feel overwhelmed and are unable to make up to your reasoning on why you are good enough, you feel depressed and undeserving. So the moment you don't do your task, you feel like you are incapable and not good enough. All because we base our self-worth on our actions instead of ourselves. You are putting yourself through so much unnecessary stress when doing that. You deserve better than that.

Let me repeat it out loud for you: "I am not doing my morning routine, am I still good enough?" YES, because you are you, and you are good enough. 

💭 Stop procrasiating - This is a hard one for me, since it is something I still struggle with to this day. But it is sososo important. You probably already know what you need to do to improve your life. Of course, you don't know everything, but you don't need to. A lot of things will come in your way when you are actually doing it, and you can't try out everything at once. But when you think about it, you find it easier to procrastinate than to actually do things. There can be so many reasons for that.

Stop watching so much content on YouTube and Tumblr on self-improvement if you are not going to do anything with it! This is a very easy way to procrastinate. Because you convince yourself that you are being productive, because everytime you watch content with new good advice you get an ephifhany. You are not going to do anything with the information, go watch a Netflix show, you will probably enjoy that more. You already know what to do, so go and do it, keep interacting with content that inspires you and learns you new things about self-care to try out, but don't use it as an excuse.

Let me tell you these very harsh words: If you're not going to start doing it in the next 24 hours, it's better to give up on it now. You don't have to do everything in those 24 hours, but set the first few steps. If you really want it, you should start acting like it. There is no perfect time to start, the only time you need is time to practise and exerience it!

💭 Be gratefull - We are so blessed. Even when going through hard times, there is still a lot of beauty to life. When looking at the news nowadays, it's very easy to get caught up in an overwhelming feeling of sadness or pain. Or with social media, it can be hard to see our own beauty when we see this overidealized picture of a model.

There is a last very important reason why you should practise gratefulness. And it's selective observation. We as humans think, see, feel, hear and smell a lot. Way too much for our brain to properly comprehend. Because of this, our brain will focus on certain things. These things may differ for everyone. But what we interact with a lot, we get used to. So, by interacting with positive thoughts and by appreciating ourselves and the world around us, we will notice these positive and pretty things. 

There are 2 ways I bring positivity and gratefulness into my life. The first one is one you've probably heard alot about: Writing down 3 positive things at the end of the day. I do this but also add a morning exercise, where I specifically write down 3 positive things about myself or my opportunities! The second thing I recently started doing is being aware of your surroundings. I got inspiration from a drawing on tumblr I found not so long ago. Instead of going on my phone when I need to wait for a while or putting on music when cycling to school, I sometimes just try to look around me and appreciate everything I see. When I do this, I  call out my appreciation in my head. I look around and think "Wow, the way that bird looks is just so magical; it looks happy and at peace." or even "The color of that mailbox suits the house so much." It helps me appreciate the little things.

💭 Protect your energy -

In the end, we are the ones responsible for our own wellbeing. Of course, we can partly depend on others, like our friends, family, our partner or even a stranger. But just as your priority is your own happiness, theirs should be their happiness too. That does not mean you can do what you want whenever you want without caring about other people. But by this I am implying that you should stop pleasing people and listen to what you want. Of course, you want to avoid toxic people and situations in general. But when you do get in touch with them, you can lay responsibility to them and wait for them to change or take responsibility by making your problem clear and distancing yourself from them and the situation if needed. 

Another way of protecting your energy i by being in tune with your emotions. Allow yourself to feel your emotions fully, write them down if needed, talk to people if needed, scream them out if needed, but always give them the space they need. Also learn when to take a step back so that you don't hurt others while feeling an overwhelming number of emotions. 

Take enough time for self-care. I would recommend making time for it in your routine. But also do it when you need it or feel like it. This is the only body and soul you've got, so you had better take care of it. Do this by eating things that fuel your body and that you like, drinking herbal teas, taking a bath and meditating (more o that later). It can be anything as long as it relaxes the body and mind. Personally, I like to keep 1 day a week to myself in which I fully focus on the needs of my mind and soul.

💭 Curiousity made the cat wiser - Curiosity should always be cherished. Curiosity is what makes us human, curiosity is what gives us the power to wake up and see what the day has got in store for us, curiosity is what keeps us busy and entertained. One of my favorite quotes on curiosity is from Plutarch: "The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled." It beautifully explains how knowledge feeds our brain and keeps us alive and warm while we should also take care of it.

You should always strive to learn new things every day. It feeds our brain, so that it can function properly. Not only that, ir keeps us entertained. Some things that I'm studying in my free time are:languages (German, Korean and a little bit of Italian). I started learning how to program and i just generally read a lot.

ℙ𝕙𝕪𝕤𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝

💭 Workout - There are a lot of benefits to exercise. A few of my favorites are: 

They make you happy (exercising stimulates the brain to release serotonin, this is known as the feel good hormone. It uplifts and stabilizes your mood but is also important for social behavior, memory, learning and appetite.)

It can help control weight (Because exercise can burn fat or help you gain muscle, it can either help you lose or gain weight.)

Getting enough weekly exercise prevents a lot of diseases (like strokes, metabolic syndrome, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, many types of cancer and arthritis.)

It improves your daily energy levels (It boosts your endurance and improves your lung and heart health so that you have more energy throughout your day.)

It can improve your sleep (When you exercise your body releases endorphins. Studies have shown that these endorphins prevent sleep problems and limit sleep quality disturbances. They reduce sleepiness during the day so that you are more sleepy at night.)

Now we need to find out how much exercise you need. I would recommend getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day (except for your rest days). But this might be different based on your goals, the intensity of the sport, how many times a week you exercise, age and disabilities. So do your research! Get at least 1 day rest a week, but getting 2/3 would also work depending on your schedule. You don't have to go to the gym! You can do home workouts (HIIT, yoga, pilates, muscle, just search it up on YouTube), go for a run outside, join a sports club (like tennis, hockey, football or dance). 

💭 Sitting - Maybe you've already heard about it. But sitting is the new smoking. It is one of the biggest health problems nowadays and responsible for way more deaths than you probably think. 

Sitting for a long period of time can be very harmful. The average person in the UK sits for about 70 hours a week with only 2 hours of exercise. Comparing that to 20 years ago, we sat (on average) 3 more hours a day. Research states that prolonged periods of sitting have been linked to cancer, Alzheimer's disease, obesity, heart disease, poor cholesterol profiles, type-2 diabetes and asteoporosis. Sitting too much in a non-active posture without movement also comes with the risks of weakening our muscles and thinning our bones, reducing digestive health and depressive symptoms.

After hearing all those negative consequences, I am so happy to share that these are easily preventable. By taking short breaks while sitting for a long period of time, you allow your blood to fully circulate, and it can already heavily impact your consequences. An easy way to do this is to put a glass next to you while studying/ working, so that you have to take a short walk to fill the glass up again. I would not recommend doing this if you know it will make you avoid drinking water or if you are at a library. Another important way to prevent the harm that comes from sitting is having 30 minutes of physical exercise daily. Try to go on a daily walk and do stretch and yoga exercises or any sport of your choice. The best thing about this one is that if you don' t reach your goal one day, you could catch up later in the week. As long as you get 3 hours and 30 minutes of physical exercise a week, you are good. If this is to much for you, you could also try 20 minutes daily, but I would recommend 30. Last but not least, try to better your posture while sitting. Make sure your spine follows it's natural curve and when possible try to sit in an "active sitting pose". Please invest in good chairs, so that when you sit, the consequences are still minimal. 

Little reminder that you should not be scared of sitting. Sitting is not a problem, even when you do it a lot. But sitting for long periods of time without an active lifestyle and/ or having breaks in between the periods of sitting is very harmful.

💭 Food - At the moment, I am working on a post where I will talk about having a healthy diet. In that post I will talk more about eating specifically for your needs. And with that I will only share some basic tips on here that (in my eyes) are a necessity for everyone. 

The most important tip I can give anyone in terms of eating is focusing on a healthy microbioe (a more detailed post will be coming on this). The microbiom is the fingerprint of our gut system. Our microbiom is in direct contact with your brain. Having a healthy microbiom has an influence on your skin, health, feelings, stress, mental illness and lots of other things. Because of this, it got the nickname "Second brain".  The basics of having a healthy microbiom is eating enough fiber. For the average woman, the minimum is 30g a day and for the average man, 40g. Again, this is the bare minimum to keep our microbiom alive. The second one is eating a wide variety of plants: species, vegetables, fruit, beans, herbs, everything that comes from a plant. It is recommended to eat at least 30 different types of plants a week to make sure your microbiom is healthy. The last tip is fermented foods. These are the best treats for a healthy gut. It is good to mention that your microbiom does not need fermented foods to survive, but your gut will love you if you try to eat them more.

Try not to eat too much sugar. Eating more than the recommended amount may cause weight gain, acne and increased chances of heart disease, cancer and getting depression. The average woman should not consume more than 25 grams a day and the average man 36 grams a day. Please do not live by this principle. If you eat 40 grams of sugar one day, it will not kill you, and it won't make you any less perfect or disciplined. But try to swap out a big handful of candy, for a few pieces of candy with some veggies, fruit and nuts on the side. I personally prefer snacking on fruits and vegetables because my body feels better after eating them and I find them more tasty. You can pair vegetables with some humus or a yogurt and herb dip. 

Don't over or under eat. The easiest way to start with this is to eat fulfilling meals. Eat meals that keep you full by eating veggies, fiber and protein. Eat at least 3 meals a day and maybe a few small snacks.(I personally eat 1 or 2 depending on the day). If you have trouble with overeating, you could try asking yourself the question "Why am I eating this?" If the reason is not because you are hungry, you need to try and let it go. Sometimes you are allowed to listen to your craving, especially if you have learned to keep a balance with it. But if the foods are very rich in sugars or fat, I would use the method stated above and try adding things to balance the meal out and that fuels your body enough to not want to snack more. If you tend to under-eat, I would recommend eating a lot of small portions throughout the day. Although I would normally recommend 3 filling meals a day, I would change that to about 6 smaller balanced meals. Even though these are smaller meals, please try to get your daily nutrients. They are what keep you running. So try to make sure that most meals involve fiber, veggies or fruit, a bit of protein, carbohydrates and fats.

ℍ𝕪𝕘𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕖/ 𝕃𝕠𝕠𝕜𝕤

💭 Skincare - I am not going to say too much about skincare because it is clearly not my strong suit, since I still struggle with acne a LOT. But i recently found out my pores get clogged very easily and a lot (once again it will suprise you) of skincare products have pore clogging ingredients. i use this tool to check on pore clogging ingredients and with the help of that have now created a new skincare routine. I have been using it for less than a week, but I think my skin has already improved a lot (but i could also be delusional). If I find out th methods and research I've done is working now, I will tell you more about it. Until then there are a few tips I would recommend.. Invest in sunscreen. It will help against hyperpigmentation and will minimize signs of aging in the long term. Don't make your routine too complicated. Try to find a simple cleanser, moisturizer and sunscreen. You don't need much more because your skin can do most of the hydration and cleaning itself. If you have skin issues, I would recommend trying 1 toner or serum with an ingredient (do your research) against that. Most of the time, you won't need more. If you do, you can always add from there. 

If you have any skin issues that won't go away after all that you can talk to your GP, and they could prescribe you something. This is what I am considering, if what I am trying now won't work.

💭 Haircare - The most important information I will give to you is to find out your hair type. Once you've gained this knowledge, you can search for products that match your hair type. Once again, if you want a more elaborate guide on how to find out your hair type and what products will work for you, let me know!I would also really recommend using hair oil! You can either use a single oil, buy a premixed one or mix a few yourself. Different oils also serve different purposes. The most popular ones are:

Coconut oil - For repairing damaged hair.

Avocado oil - For shinier hair.

Rosemary oil - For hair growth.

Tea Tree Oil: For treating dandruff. 

I heat the oil up by putting a small bowl with the oil I will use in a bigger bowl with hot water.I put the oil on my scalp a few hours before showering and massage it in for at least 5 minutes. I would strongly recommend watching a Indian tutorial, because I stole all my methods from them. Try to invest in a microfiber towel to dry your hair. A normal towel can damage your hair and makes it less soft (in my experience). The last general tip I have is to wear a protective hairstyle to bed. Either braid it or put it up in a bun. This way, you will wake up with way better hair. An alternative to this is using a silk bonnet. That will keep your hair so soft and pretty. 

💭 Fashion - I feel my best and most comfortable when I feel pretty. In order to accomplish the style you want and look pretty, you can follow these 4 steps: 

Clean out your closet. Sell or donate clothes that you don't like or wear. While doing this, try to look for reasons why you don't like that piece of clothing. That way, you learn to understand your preferences better. 

Learn about your body type and what looks good on you. Of course, you don' t have to limit yourself to only wearing the things recommended, but it is a very easy guideline to help your outfits feel more balanced. While keeping this in mind, you can start playing around with fitting and find combinations that also look good on you, but it is important to understand what different sleeve types and lengts do to your proportions so that it's easier to adjust an outfit to your preference.

Make a pinterest board! Make a pinterest board dedicated to style and make sure to add at least 30 pins. Then you can look for similarities between the pictures you've saved. Please for the love of god, don't follow fast fashion brands. Of course, it's good to get inspired by trends, but it's so incredibly wasteful to buy and trow away clothing time and time again and its also not good for your wallet. 

The last step is to make a list of the things you need to add to your closet. You DON'T have to buy an entirely new warderobe. Look at the things you already have in your closet and write down a list of items you can add in order to increase those items. Try to start out with jewelry and a pair of shoes in your style and look for a few tops, dresses and bottoms. But the accessories are truly the most important, so try to invest in some good quality accessories, because they can make or break an outfit.

A good tip to help you not overconsume is to only buy something when you can style it in 3 ways for 3 different occasions. This way you make sure that you will actually use it!

💭 Carry yourself like a god(ess) - Your posture is so so so important! Is doesn't only influence how other see you, but also how you see yoursel (and if you've read my part about sitting, you've read that's also important for good health).

Your body language reflects what you think, but the opposite is also true. By standing in a powerpose you will start feeling more confident.

Make sure your spine holds its natural curve, your shoulders are relaxed end rolled back. When standing put your feet apart a little, so you stand stronger.

A good pose to practice standing confidently is the so called "superwoman pose". Put your feet apart, look straight forward, ball your fists and putt them on your hips. Standing like this for even 2 minutes will improve your confidence. I do this when I feel really stressed about a presentation or test (not in the middle of the classroom ofcourse, I will either do it in the bathroom, before coming to school or during the break).

ℍ𝕒𝕓𝕚𝕥𝕤

💭 Drinking water -The average woman should consume about 2.7 liters of water a day and the average man 3.7 liters. About 20% of this should come from your food. So, the average woman should drink about 2.16 liters of water and the average man about 2.96 liters of water. It is important to drink your water in order to stay healthy, get rid of waste in your body and keep your temperature normal.

💭 Hobbies - Having a hobby that we enjoy brings us joy and enriches our lives. It helps us learn new skills, de-stresses us, gives you new perspectives, prevents wasting time and learns you patience. A hobby can be found everywhere. It can be collecting something; a sport, singing, reading, programming, knitting, sewing, playing an instrument, baking, cooking and even making tea.

💭 Meditation -  One of the keys to having a happy, calm and balanced life is meditation. Meditation reduces stress, promotes your mental health, helps with learning, kindness and forgiveness, lengthens your attention span (I, for a fact, know most people need this with people's social media use nowadays.) It helps with being self-aware and there have been studies that showed that it has some impact on your physical health (we don't know on which level yet) and that it can prevent age related memory loss. You can start out with breathing exercises and work your way up to guided meditation and, if you are ready for it, meditate regularly. Don't give up, it will take some time to really get into and to get the results you want.

💭 Morning routine - A good morning routine sets you up for a good day. It helps you with getting in the right mindset and with starting the day in a relaxed way. Make sure you get your needed sleep hours. This will be different for everyone. But for teenagers, the average is between 8 and 10 hours and for adults, 8 hours is recommended. It is also good to note that women tend to multitask more during the day and, averagely speaking, need about 20 minutes more sleep than men. I would recommend a set time for your alarm every day. By doing this you will get into a good rhythm which will help you fall asleep, and you know for sure you are getting your needed hours. Everyone likes different things in their morning. Some things that are an absolute staple to me are, and I can't start off my day on a good note without them: Drinking some water immediately after waking up (helps me with waking up), meditating, journaling for 5 minutes, making my bed, doing skincare and having a nourishing breakfast. Chose the things that you find important. If you struggle with doing everything on bad days, you could always make a routine for good days, okay days and bad days. When you wake up, you get to choose which one you will do. This might make it less overwhelming. 

💭 Night routine - Most things have already been said when I talked about morning routines. My night routine is easier than my morning routine, because at the end of the day I have difficulty winding down, and a plan makes it less overwhelming to start. My staples for my night routine are: making sure my room is clean, packing my bag for next day (if needed), my journal for 5 minutes, brushing teeth and skincare. If I don't feel like sleeping yet, I will read in my bed or do a very calming yoga session. 

💭 Organize - I, for one, have quite some difficulty with staying organized. But while speaking with my coach at school he reminded me of the importance of organization. Even if you are not aware of it, the things you still need to do, take up a lot of space in your head. It's way more convenient to just write it in your agenda immediately, make a planner with everything you need to do, make a list of everything that bothers you. You need to stop wasting energy on being de-organized. This will also ensure that you don't miss out on anything. This also goes for your living/ work space. A cluttered workspace will clutter your mind!

𝕋𝕚𝕡𝕤

Some small tips I want to give you before ending this post. <3

💭 Phone/ social media - In order for you to have the best day and sleep, you should not use ur phone for a hour after waking up or before going to sleep. In general, you should minimize your use of social media. I would really recommend listening to this great Ted talk about the worth of a social media app. Because of this Ted talk I realized how much time I was wasting on social media. With all of that time, I can do so much, learn so much, go on so many adventures. Your phone is also really addictive, and you should take that addiction seriously. Phone addiction is a dopamine addiction, because of this. Because life will seem boring. If you want to feel alive and happy, don't overuse your phone and make clear boundaries with yourself. Try to live in the moment, not on your phone. 

💭 Sustainable energy -  I will make a more detailed post about this, because it is one of the things that helped me most. But the concept is very simple: learn to differentiate the things that give you energy and take your energy. And use that as a guide to help you fill your day. Studying is something that takes me a lot of energy. When I feel like my energy is getting low, I take a break after finishing the next task and go meditate or take a walk. This way you can keep thriving the entire day!

💭 Journaling - I would recommend journaling to anyone. There will always be a type of journal that suits you, so please look into it!I personally have 3 journals, I use one for journaling exercises, one for my morning & evening checkups and one is my coomonplace journal. A commonplace journal is a journal in which you write down anything that you learn. It helps you with remembering, but it's also easy to look things back up! 

English isn't my first language, so if there are any mistakes, please correct me. Although I am not very happy with how this post turned out out, I will still post it because I worked really hard on this. I hope my writing and presentation will improve next post. Lots of love and kisses! 💗

Be sure to like comment and reblog!

If you like my content, consider buying me a book. <3

Love Pearl 🐚

[electraslight]

people often complain about how Ben seems to have gotten weaker and clumsier from uaf to omniverse, and I get that's an annoying writing decision, but id like to posit a theory.

Ben used to be an athlete, a star one at that, and he used to be a pretty physically fit and healthy guy, visibly being muscular while still having a smaller build. in omniverse, it seems all that muscle is pretty much gone, as he seems to have trouble carrying things, being balanced, and even doing routine workouts that he supposedly regularly did when he was younger. he's even kind of shrunk.

but the thing is: this is proven to extend to his aliens too.

back when Ben was physically fit, wildvine's entire power set was based on grip and strength, using his vines to swing on things or bring enemies or objects closer to him, which required strength.and now he just can't. just like Ben.

which kind of brings us to the question of why Ben is deteriorating in this fashion? he still leads a very active lifestyle, doesn't seem to have any diseases. why's he going so downhill? (the answer to this question writing wise is a different thing, I am trying to rationalize the world he lives in instead of the world the writers do). the answer probably lies in food. in ogs and uaf, Ben had a pretty diverse diet, at least by kid standards. he ate a lot of junk in ogs, but that's just because what else are you gonna eat on a road trip, and as previously stated, af/uaf Ben is an athlete, who seems to actually like a lot of vegetables, eats dinner with his family, only has fast food on patrol. around the time Gwen and Kevin left, though, things changed.

Ben has kind of an obsession with smoothies in omniverse. they're usually the only thing he's seen consuming besides the occasional chili fries, he thinks about them all the time, the comtumellia literally take the form of them. which, yes, flanderization, haha aketchi pancake think blah blah blah, but the thing is, that flanderization kind of recharacterizes his degredation.

Ben had to drop out in uaf, so now his full time job is working for the plumbers, in am environment where everyone expects him to be an ubermensch who never shows a single flaw, and when he messes up in a normal way, he's the stupidest motherfucker alive, even though he's got more experience than anyone combined. plus, he's got to go on patrol all day long, fight a universe ending threat, and then conk out at 3 and wake up at 5 to do it all again. no family dinners, no time to cram an apple in his bag for later, and the only quick easy and cheap thing for him is smoothies. junk food. quick energy boosts. and it seems like he can't stop thinking about them (although I acknowledge what a copout that was lol), can't stop thinking about food. and consuming only liquid processed baby food for all your meals and getting zero hours of sleep isn't good for your body, and the aliens you inhabit are reflections of your person, so you degrade,they degrade, making b grade villains a slog and lifting over 30 pounds even more of one.

not particularly going in an eating disorder direction with this? still tagged it that though just in case. just wanted to share something I don't rlly see people try to come up w an in universe explanation for. I'm personally leaning more toward an ARFID angle, but I'd be interested to see other's takes

[gaily-daily-musings]

Literally no one asked for the nursing home reverse trope and because I am upset I'm taking it upon myself to make y'all suffer

(I've decided to make it a senior community rather than a nursing home)

-

Obi-Wan is 55. An official senior. He hates it. It's awful. Quinlan won't stop making fun of him despite being older than him.

Despite his initial hesitation, the community is regretfully nice. Mace and Yoda and Qui-Gon are all welcoming. He never thought he would be reduced to this but when the divorce hit he'd lost the house. He'd been living with Quinlan for over a year and felt bad for taking advantage. Given his money situation, his options were reduced to a housing community for seniors. He'd heard about it through Qui-Gon who was on his pickleball team.

There's a young man (34) working there. A maintenance man named Anakin Skywalker. Anakin is quite handsome and very charismatic. The ladies will often flirt with him and giggle over his arms. It's all harmless fun. Normally Obi-Wan isn't one to leer, but goodness he was certainly striking.

Obi-Wan near has a heart attack one day when he witnesses Anakin in swim trunks attending the pool. Lord, he's never felt like such a lecher. He's not used to this. To looking. He's a monogamous sort of a man. Never cheated. Even when he and Satine started growing apart years ago he never wavered.

Obi-Wan starts working out more for no particular reason. He was always fit for his age but feels more self conscious than ever. He tries to tell himself he was just trying to stay healthy, but he knew he was lying to himself. He feels ridiculous. The hell was he doing? Anakin was just a nice man jokingly flirting with the elderly. It wasn't serious.

The center puts together an annual event for the residents. This year they decide the theme is “senior prom”. It's stupid. Quinlan talks him into RSVPing.

Anakin is invited by Maria, one of the ladies who is particularly forward in her intentions. Obi-Wan tells himself not to be jealous and fails spectacularly.

Throughout the evening Anakin dances with several ladies. Obi-Wan yearns from the sidelines. He tries to work up the courage to ask. He's not afraid of being rejected, he's just afraid Anakin will see he's being earnest. Did he even want to be taken seriously? Did he want to pursue something real?

Maria makes her way to Anakin again as I've Had The Time of My Life plays. She has no shame as she feels up Anakin's arms and strokes his chest. He takes it in stride and winks down at her. She laughs as they spin around the room.

Three songs later Obi-Wan contemplates slinking back to his room.

“Would you like to dance?”

Obi-Wan startles. He hadn't heard him approach.

“I…uh, y-yes…” he stammers.

He takes Anakin's hand feeling like a school boy. His heart flutters in his chest. He knows Anakin is just being nice, he's already danced with everyone else after all, but he can't help the blush on his cheeks.

Obi-Wan let's Anakin take the lead as he's unsure if he'll be able to keep his head on straight.

“Did you go to your school prom?” Anakin asks.

“Yes. With my ex-wife actually. You?”

Anakin smiles. “Coincidentally I went with my ex too.”

“I didn't know you were divorced.”

“Widowed.”

Obi-Wan winces. “I'm sorry.”

“It's fine. You didn't know. It was years ago anyway.”

They move slowly across the floor. Obi-Wan consciously keeps his hands where they are appropriate.

“So, any kids?”

“Twins. They're 13.”

Obi-Wan chuckles. “I don't envy you. I remember when my son was that age. He went through a whole goth phase.”

Anakin laughs. It's beautiful. “Aw man, you would have hated me then. I was really into the goth scene as a teen.”

They keep talking and dancing. At some point Maria kindly asks for her date back and they reluctantly part.

-

They come across each other while Obi-Wan is visiting the local park. He sees Anakin walking a dog as his kids eat ice cream. He doesn't want to intrude on what is clearly a family outing. But then Anakin spots him and waves him over.

Anakin introduces his children.

“You're that old guy dad talks about,” Leia says.

Anakin flushes.

“Did you fight in a war?” Luke asks. “Do you have any battle scars?”

After the initial awkwardness and round of interrogation, Anakin asks Obi-Wan if he wanted to join them for dinner. Unable to find a reason to say no he accepts.

For the record, Obi-Wan isn't an idiot. Normally when a young person sought out the company of a significantly older person, it was because they were a gold digger. But Obi-Wan hasn't much money to offer. He doesn't have much of anything really. He recalls Anakin mentioning that he never knew his father. With a heavy heart he realizes perhaps that was why Anakin wanted to be around him. He was an older father figure to him. Of course that must be it.

After dinner Anakin tucks his kids into bed (or rather just Luke as Leia has outgrown that). Obi-Wan helps clean up. Anakin says he should stay. It was late and he didn't want to send him home like this. Besides he had work in the morning so they could go in together.

Anakin lets him have the bed and sleeps on the couch despite his protests. The next morning Anakin sees the kids off to school. Obi-Wan makes everyone breakfast as a thank you. Anakin then drives them to the senior community. Obi-Wan gets out and goes to his apartment.

He is unfortunately seen getting out of Anakin's car. Rumors fly. His friends crowd him for details. Obi-Wan tries to tell them nothing happened but nobody believes him.

On his 56th birthday his pickleball team takes him out to celebrate. Little does he know that Qui-Gon has invited Anakin. He shows up with a present. Its pink shorts with the word pickleball on the booty. Obi-Wan's face feels warm.

Soon Anakin has to leave to go pick up his kids from school. Now gone, Quinlan takes Obi-Wan aside to ask him when he's gonna make a move on Anakin. Obi-Wan thinks he's being insane. Never? Anakin wasn't interested? Now Quinlan looks at him like he's the insane one.

“He literally gave you booty shorts! He wants to see your thighs!”

“That was a joke!”

Quinlan sighs. He asks the table if they thought Anakin was into Obi-Wan. They all say yes immediately.

“I thought you were already dating?” Bant asks.

The next day Obi-Wan sees Anakin doing maintenance in the lobby. He starts up a conversation. It was so easy to talk to him. Far too easy.

“By the way, thank you for your gift yesterday. Though I'm not sure they'll fit me, they may be a little small.” He jokes.

“I dunno, I think they'll fit just fine.” Anakin deliberately looks him up and down, lingering on his ass.

Obi-Wan gulps.

-

Later Obi-Wan is doing some swim aerobics in the pool with Yoda and Qui-Gon. Yoda mentions having had a heart attack two years ago.

“Seize the moment, one must. Lest life passes you by.” he looks straight at Obi-Wan as he says it.

Obi-Wan blinks. He frowns. He really didn't appreciate his friends barging into his love life. He tells them so.

“What love life? You're single.”

Obi-Wan has no retort.

Is it so wrong to not want to burden a strapping young man with someone like him? Someone who is wrinkled and old and has nothing to offer?

After swimming Obi-Wan grabs a towel and heads off back to his apartment. It's just a short walk over to the building. On the way he spots Anakin between the hedges fixing a sprinkler. He pauses. He looks down at his protruding belly. The worst he could do is utterly humiliate himself and be forced to avoid Anakin the rest of his life. Or until he moves.

“Hi.”

Anakin looks up. He smiles.

“Hey.”

His eyes linger on Obi-Wan’s chest. He swallows. It gives him the boost of confidence he needs.

“I was just, um, wondering if perhaps you wanted to…have dinner again? I can cook.”

Anakin hums, “I can't this week.”

Obi-Wan nearly deflates. He tells himself it's not the end of the world. It's fine. He starts to retreat, backing up the way he came.

“Sorry, of course. I didn't mean to impose. Anyway, I have to head back but it was nice to see you.”

Anakin catches his arm. “Woah, I didn't say I didn't want to, just that this week is no good.”

Obi-Wan blinks.

“But next week I'm open? I can pop by after work. That is if you're up for it still?”

Obi-Wan smiles. “Yes I'd like that.”

Anakin's hand lingers on his arm. Neither wanting to pull away just yet. Obi-Wan clears his throat.

“What would you like? F-for dinner I mean.”

“I'm not picky. Surprise me.”

“Alright then.”

“Alright.”

From the sidelines, Qui-Gon, Mace, Yoda, Maria, and several others are watching from inside the pool center. Maria sighs forlornly. “Should have known he would steal him right out from under my nose.”

“I think it's sweet,” her friend Amanda says.

“Very sweet.” Yoda nods sagely.

[midwestbramble]

Foraging in Witchcraft

I'm a big fan of working with the land, and one of the easiest ways to do so is by gathering your own plants. This is also free! No having to stop at an occult/metaphysical shop to pick up that random plant you forgot you needed. I will be making individual posts on different plants that can be foraged in my own bioregion, but first we should go over a few tips and housekeeping notes about foraging and witchcraft.

⸙༄𓆤𓆩𓆪❁𓇢𓆸🏵

Contents:

Natural Isn't Always Safe

Laws and Foraging

Invasive vs. Native vs. Naturalized

Animistic Foraging

Conclusion

⸙༄𓆤𓆩𓆪❁𓇢𓆸🏵

Natural Isn't Always Safe

First thing I want to get out of the way is that not everything you find outside is going to be safe to put in your body or even touch. On top of that, not everything that is safe for someone else is going to be safe for you. We each have different bodies and how we react to something will not always be the same. When you first start foraging, it's important to have a guide book that will tell you of any safety measures to take when dealing with a plant. Some will interact with medications in ways that are not healthy, some have fluid that can make your skin photosensitive, and some... some people are just allergic to.

When it comes to medications, you can find contraindications (when not to ingest something) with a quick google search of "[plant name] contraindications." Generally this will give you a safe answer, however always check with your doctor if you are unsure. Better to pay for a consultation than a hospital visit.

Some risks come from the environment that the plant grew in. If you are foraging near train tracks or buildings that could leach lead into the soil, the plants will pick that up as well. Contaminated soil and pesticides sprayed onto the plants can also lead to health risks. Be very mindful of where you are foraging.

Some plants that are safe will also have toxic look-alikes. A famous look-alike is wild carrot and poison hemlock (thank you Oregon Trail video game). Unless you know what characteristics you are looking for, it's very easy to confuse the two plants. One is a delicious snack, while the other is highly toxic (the poison hemlock), to the point of causing muscle death and kidney failure. This isn't to scare you away from foraging. Only to drive home the importance of making sure you know what you are gathering.

*credit to the Minnesota Department of Agriculture

⸙༄𓆤𓆩𓆪❁𓇢𓆸🏵

Laws and Foraging

I am a resident of the United States so these will be more geared towards that country. It would be to your benefit to look into the foraging laws of your own country/state anyway, as it can still differ. The majority of states in America prohibit foraging on public lands, which makes it really hard for those who don't own their own property. If you live in Alaska and Hawaii, however, congratulations your local government allows it. Even among those states that do allow it, there can be designated areas where it's not allowed such as a nature preserve. Breaking these laws tends to come with a hefty fine and possible jail time, if caught. Though these laws are hard to find with a quick google search, especially for a specific area.

The laws in the United States prohibiting foraging are generally colonial, imperial, classist, and racist (surprise, surprise). Foraging was protected by law well into the 1800s (except for Native Americans who were pushed off their ancestral hunting and gathering grounds), even when doing so on another person's private property. After the Civil War, many newly-freed African-Americans would sell their foraged and hunted goods for an income, while also using the practice to become self-sufficient. The southern plantation owners needed this system to go away so they could chain what used to be their "property" to their old line of enslaved work. Starting with criminal trespass laws. Eventually anti-foraging laws spread to the average white rural American. Outside elites began to believe that the "backwards" people of the countryside, who made a subsistence living off the practice of foraging, fishing and hunting, could not be trusted with the stewardship of the land; using "conservation" as a way to "protect" it from the people who lived there (Linnekin, "Food Law Gone Wild: The Law of Foraging" p.1008-1014).

I do believe we need to protect our resources and lands. However, foraging can be regulated, not outright outlawed as it is. Learning about the plants and animals that live around us and can help us in our lives, leads us to learn more deeply about their role in the environment and just WHY we should protect them...

All this to say, look into your local foraging laws (and how local law enforcement actually enforces them, if they do at all) and then you can decide if you want to follow them or not. At your own risk.

⸙༄𓆤𓆩𓆪❁𓇢𓆸🏵

Invasive vs. Native vs. Naturalized

There is a lot of talk in foraging communities about invasives vs. natives. Sometimes even bringing in naturalized plants. So let's talk a little bit about what these words mean in ecology and how this may effect your foraging habits.

Invasive and naturalized plants have one thing in common; they are both transplanted outside their natural ecosystem. A plant that is invasive in one place, can be naturalized in another. What matters is the impact the plant has on the ecosystem it has been transplanted into.

Invasive =  plants or animals that harm regional ecosystems.

Naturalized = plants that have successfully established and reproduced in a new environment, integrating into their new home without inflicting ecological harm.

To make things a bit more complicated, let's introduce the 10% rule. According to the Huron River Watershed Council, "the '10% rule' postulates that of all species introduced to a region outside of their native range, only 10% will survive to reproduce in their adopted environment. This 10% of non-native survivors are often called 'naturalized' plants. Of that 10%, another 10% (or 1% of the original non-native transplants) may thrive to such an extent that they dominant their new home, out competing their native neighbors. These prolific competitors are known as invasive species."

So what makes a native plant? The US Forest Service defines a native plant as "plants [that] are indigenous terrestrial and aquatic species that have evolved and occur naturally in a particular region, ecosystem, and habitat. Species native to North America are generally recognized as those occurring on the continent prior to European settlement."

Some native species can be endangered due to habitat loss from agriculture and/or competing invasive species. It's good to have a list (many state DNR (Department of Natural Resources) will have a list available on their website) printed so you know which ones should be cultivated in your garden if you wish to work with them. Avoiding these and working with invasive species can help with conservation efforts as well. Native species can still be worked with in the wild if they are not endangered.

⸙༄𓆤𓆩𓆪❁𓇢𓆸🏵

Animistic Foraging

You'll often see witches giving advice about asking the plants permission before harvesting. This is from the belief that the plant has a spirit, an animistic belief. Asking permission to harvest isn't the only way we can forage mindfully and with respect to the plant. The way that I do this is by following the Honorable Harvest set out by Robin Wall Kimmerer (a Potawatomi botanist, and the director of the Center for Native Peoples and the Environment at the State University of New York College of Environmental Science and Forestry) in her book "Braiding Sweetgrass."

Know the ways of the ones who take care of you, so you may take care of them.

Introduce yourself. Be accountable as the one who comes asking for life.

Ask permission before taking and abide by the answer.

Never take the first, never take the last.

Take only what you need.

Take only what is given.

Never take more than half. Leave some for others.

Harvest in a way that minimizes harm.

Use it respectfully. Never waste what you have taken.

Share.

Give thanks for what you have been given.

Give a gift in reciprocity for what you have been given.

Sustain the ones who sustain you and the earth will last forever.

The first rule really helps you to follow the rest of them. Know the plant. Walk by it several times, offer water even if you aren't taking something, say hello. These plants are our neighbors and when we harvest we are asking for their help.

⸙༄𓆤𓆩𓆪❁𓇢𓆸🏵

Conclusion

Each plant will have it's own method of harvest to minimize the harm done to it. Some you have to pull the whole thing up, but there are ways to repopulate it. It's so individual that I couldn't add it to this post. Hopefully what's written here can help you keep a few things in mind when going out and learning about your local flora.

Foraging can be a great way to connect with your land and learn about it. Getting your hands dirty and making you feel as if you are a part of the landscape. Hopefully the first couple of sections didn't scare you off. Get a couple of good guidebooks for your region (the local library is a good place to start) and you're good to get out there and start identifying plants you want to work with!

[red-pill-to-swallow]

How to be attractive to men and my goals

Hey babes,

like I said – I want to incorporate RPT (Red Pill Theories) into my daily life immediately.

A few things that every women within the community seemed to be content with were:

1. You are never finished with glowing or leveling up. Never stop learning. Never stop trying to better yourself.

2. Pretty privilege is real.

I agree that pretty privilege is very real. I mean, I get affected by pretty people like everybody else, even if I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just something that is ingrained in our brains and I need to learn how to take this to my advantage.

I think I have a decent starting base, because I’m a skinny white woman in her twenties with long blonde hair. I am not really tall – even short men are at least 5-7cms taller than me – but I’m also not extremely short.

I have a petite frame but my body-shape is something between an hourglass and a peach. My face is average – I don’t really have striking features or am a natural beauty model – but my features also aren’t hideous. It’s really just something you can look at without thinking too much.

On a scale, I would rate myself a 5,5-6/10 on an average day and I guess that’s great!

But how can I make myself look better on a daily basis? I really took hours to research how I could make myself more attractive to wealthy and high value men.

Obviously, no man is like the other and every man prefers something different. One man might like tattoos and piercings while another man with the same social status thinks they are hideous. I don’t want to completely change who I am and I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars for it.

However, I really like this whole clean girl and old money aesthetic that is going viral on Tiktok right now – and I think those two aesthetics could fit me and my personality really well.

Most wealthy men seem to like this traits in women:

1. great skin without obvious pimples or enlarged pores

2. long and healthy hair in a natural color

3. straight white teeth

4. clean nails on both hands and feet

5. hairless legs, armpits and at least trimmed pubic hair

6. wearing clean and wrinkle free clothes without any holes

7. wearing a nice smell that is fitting to your overall appearance

I think those are the basics and they can be achieved by almost anyone. If you can’t afford braces make sure that your teeth are always perfectly brushed and that you’re keeping up with your dental hygiene in general.

In fact – if you have problems affording certain beauty procedures, research how to get as close as possible to them with DIYs.

For years, I always wanted to be the mysterious woman in the room. The woman with a dark aura, the woman that doesn’t speak much and remains most of her life a secret.

Well, I am not this woman even if I’m trying very hard. It would be an act that I would put on and I am sure that everyone in the room would notice.

I am naturally very bubbly and I love having conversations with people in general. I would also say that I have a broad knowledge on different topics and that I’m able to talk to almost everyone.

I am also very welcoming and I enjoy making people laugh and have fun in my presence. I tend to have strong opinions and I’m not afraid to take on a discussion.

With everything that I know about myself now, I made some points that I need to tackle in order to level up:

1. stop oversharing. Being bubbly is great but not everyone needs to know everything about my business. Sometimes it’s just better to be silent and to listen.

2. start with exercise again. I am happy with my weight but I am extremely weak and I have almost zero muscle mass. My breath is getting heavy if I have to take the stairs and my legs start to hurt after roughly 15 minutes of walking. I plan on going for a walk every day and doing pilates 3x a week.

3. start doing my hair and makeup again. My hair is long and blonde – so it is an eyecatcher. It’s also very healthy but I usually just throw it up in a bun or in a clawclip, so no one is really seeing it. I have multiple styling tools at home and I need to start using them. The same applies to makeup. I have so much great stuff that looks really beautiful and natural but I am just too lazy to use it. I plan on taking 20 minutes every day to do my makeup and to suck it up – because I usually always do a double cleanse at night, so it’s not really a struggle to take it off in the evening. It’s just inconvenient in the morning.

4. taking better care of my skin and of my dental health. I have high quality skincare and I love doing my skincare but sometimes I’m just too lazy. Let me just say that it doesn’t happen often – but still too much for my liking. Also my dental health – I need to make a dentist appointment asap. I think the last time I went was around 3 years ago!

5. buying better fitting clothes. I don’t like shopping for clothes but it is what it is. Right now I only have cute lounge sets for being at home but when I go out I usually only wear jeans with a basic top and sneakers. I want to look more polished and feminine. I want to stop wearing jeans and focus more on pants, skirts and dresses. Also literally any other shoes than sneakers.

6. go out more. I’m your typical homebody. Movie night? Reading a book? Ordering food? Count me in! I always have fun when I go out but I’m still mostly at home and I want to change that. I want to have a group of like minded friends that want to hang out with me. Maybe even at home. Lol.

I really thought hard about those six points but I think those are the first things that I need to tackle down.

In the end – I was asking myself: what could I do to feel the most comfortable with spontaneous outgoings and meeting new people?

It came down to wanting to look my best. Obviously. I want to make a good first impression and maybe even profit off of pretty privilege.

I’m sure we all know those times when we’re dressed like slobs and suddenly an opportunity to go out arises and we decline because it would take hours to get ready.

That’s the reason why I want to get ready in the morning – so I would only need to touch up if anything came up.

see you soon!

[nats-bottom]

SJ - Doctor's Office

Summary: Reader has anxiety about going to the doctor's office and Scarlett calms her down and distracts her.

Pairings: Scarlett Johansson and Reader

Warnings: Doctor's office, almost-panic attack, swearing, anxiety and depression mentions, medication mentions.

Notes:

I also have accounts on Wattpad and AO3! The users there are @ paige_vers

Please give me requests! You can submit them here or on my insta, @ scarlettsoutset

ᨖᨖೱᨖ⧗ᨖⴵᨖ🕷️ᨖⴵᨖ⧗ᨖೱᨖᨖ

I dreaded these days. They didn't happen often, but when they did, they always sucked. As soon as I was 16, my mom made me go to all my doctor's appointments by myself. And this year is no different. Even though it's just my yearly check-up, I still get very nervous. What if they find something wrong? What if I'm really sick? I just get all these worries in my head that don't seem to go away. 

My appointment isn't until three in the afternoon, but that's all I can think about. It's currently ten AM, but I'm just pacing around the living room of the house that me and my girlfriend, Scarlett shared. Scarlett was out getting groceries, but she should be back any minute. Then as if on queue, I hear the front door open. Unable to stop my pacing, I keep up my pacing while I hear Scarlett put away the frozens and drop the rest of the bags of groceries on the ground. I feel hands on my shoulders and look up to see Scarlett in front of me. I stop pacing and look into her beautiful, forest green eyes.

"Breathe with me" She says, taking deep breaths in and out. I didn't even realize that I was hyperventilating, but I started to follow her breathing pattern after a few breaths. Once I've calmed down enough, Scarlett takes my hands and sits us down on a couch. "Is it the doctor's appointment?" She asks, almost as if she already knows.

I nod my head, still too shaken up to speak. Her thumbs rub patterns on the back of my hands. I look down at my lap, feeling ashamed for getting all worked up over a simple appointment. 

"Hey, look at me." Scarlett says. I look up at her, worry still written all over my face. "It'll be ok. You'll be perfectly fine and healthy. You eat well, you take care of your skin, you exercise, you have no symptoms. You have nothing to be worried about." 

She lets go of one of my hands and cups my cheek. "Do you want me to go with you?" I nod, still nervous to speak, of fear that my voice might crack. This means a lot to me, as I've been going to these appointments alone for years. This will be the first time I will have gone with someone else besides my mother, and I'm glad it's Scarlett. Even though we have only been together for a year now, I'm glad she cares enough about me to go with me. For my last appointment, Scarlett was away filming. If she was here, I know that she would've come. 

"I've got to go put away the rest of the groceries. Do you want to come help me? It might take your mind off of the appointment." I nod in agreement. Scarlett gets up and gives me a hand of hers to help me get up. I take her hand and walk with her to the kitchen. I start to put away the groceries, and she walks over toward the speaker system. She looks through her phone for a minute, and grins. She turns on the speaker system, and connects her phone, playing my favorite music. Music that she knows I can't resist not dancing and singing to. She walks back over, swaying her hips to the beat, and I watch her, biting my lip. I switch my focus back to the groceries, oblivious to the fact that Scar has now abandoned her task of putting away the groceries and now is dancing along to the music. 

As I put the last few things away, I hum a bit to the music. When I put the last thing away, I actually sing a little bit. Once I am all done, I turn around, and see Scarlett dancing to the music. 

"So that's why I had to put away everything by myself. You-" I boop her nose "Were busy dancing, you cutie."

"Care to join me?" Scarlett says as she outstretches her hand to me. I gladly take it. She twirls me around, and then puts one hand on my hip. She keeps a hold of my other hand, and I put my free hand on her shoulder. We sway to the music as we both sing-shout along to the music.

The next song to come on is a slower song, so we don't shout to the music as much, but instead just sing at a normal volume. She leans in closer to me, nuzzling her head in my neck. Her arm snakes around my back, and mine around her neck. We just sway to the music, holding each other tight and close. 

Once the slow song is over, we let go of each other and start to dance our asses off to the next few songs. That's when I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I check to see what it says, and it's a reminder that my appointment is in one hour. 

I start to panic again, and Scarlett notices. She takes a quick glance at the clock first, realizing the time, and envelopes me in a hug. I hug Scar back, taking in her scent. Her hugs always help me calm down. She pulls back peppers my face in kisses. Once my face has been fully appreciated, she rests her forehead on mine, looking into my eyes. I look back into her sparkling eyes, and let out a sigh. She always knows how to calm me down. 

"Let's go darling." Scarlett says. She knows that if she were to mention the doctor's, that might've made me panic again. She grabs her phone and her keys in one hand, and takes my hand in the other. We walk in silence to the car, where Scarlett opens the door for me and helps me get in. She gets in on her side, and after she starts the car, she connects her phone and continues the same playlist from before.

We both sing along the whole ride there. Once we get there, I'm hesitant to get out, so Scarlett comes over to help me out. She opens my door and undoes my seatbelt for me. She takes my hand, and just stands there, holding it.

"Come on, my love. We can't avoid this forever. You got this. I believe in you. Now let's get this over with." She says lovingly. She takes my hand up to her mouth and kisses my knuckles. 

I eventually get out of the car, and we walk hand in hand to the building and through the doors. I check in at the front desk, and we sit down together. We keep holding hands, and at one point she brings them up to her mouth, kissing the whole back of my hand. She knows this will keep my calm and keep my mind occupied. Before I know it, the door opens and they call out my name.

"y/n?" The nurse said. I get up and look at Scarlett. She is still sitting down, probably expecting to stay out here the entire time.

Still holding her hand, I say "You're coming with me, silly." She shoots me a playful grin, one that always gives me butterflies, and gets up, walking with me to the exam room. 

The nurse ushers me to sit on the exam bed, while he suggests Scarlett sit on one of the chairs that's in the room. "I think I'll stand," Scarlett says, still not letting go of my hand. She helps me get up on the exam bed, and stands next to me, holding my hand with her hand furthest away from me and rubbing my back with her other hand. The nurse takes my vitals, then walks out of the room. We wait a few minutes for the doctor, who eventually comes in.

The doctor comes in and tells me that everything looks normal, and the only thing that needs to be changed are my head meds. These are what me and Scar call my anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. She gives me a new prescription and tells me to come back next year. 

She leads us to the front desk, where I schedule an appointment for next year. We walk out the car, and as soon as we're both inside, I let out a huge sigh of relief. 

"You did great, sweetie. I'm so very proud of you." Scarlett says, looking at me and resting a hand on my thigh. I put a hand of mine of top of hers, where it stays for the drive home.