#And what I'm kind of realizing about myself in regards to romantic relationships

[antiyourwokehomophobia2]

Could be wrong and not tryna be unduly discouraging, but shes texting like I text when I want someone to stop texting me

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

It's sooooo funny you say that because I straight up said that I hoped my questions weren't annoying and she said she didn't mind. Even though she said that, I think it's telling I even felt the need to say that at all. Her responses are detailed but she talks in a very closed off way. Like, I feel like I'm an interviewer asking questions. I wish she'd ask me a thing or two.

Tbh, she doesn't really seem interested in getting to know me. She hasn't asked me anything about myself over text. And tbh, I don't really get a sense that she's interested in keeping up a text convo with me. There are times when it seems like she's really into texting me but they're not as often as I'd like tbh. I feel like I'm pulling teeth lmao. Idk if she's bad at texting or what. Irl is a WHOLE different vibe. Irl she's very engaged and initiates convo, but she doesn't seem very interested in setting asid time to meet up again so texting is all we have aaaaand it's really not going that great lmao.

We might just be friends fr. Cause I do genuinely, honest to God, think she's a cool person who has similar views to me on things I'm super passionate about. A friendship with her would be really cool. Besides, maybe I shouldn't be dating at the moment anyway.

[greensagephase]

Just realized how much I love the way you write your Miguel. Like instead of oversexualizing, making him animalistic or just straight up a dick (even tho he kindof is sometimes, let's be honest-)

I just love how you dive in his current trauma (not too long ago his mom got zombified like marvel give bro a break plz), include trust issues and his mental problems, while not breaking his character. You made him stubborn, a little proud, but still show slight vulnerability, and so many unsaid words. Hell, you might be one of the best Miguel writers I've ever seen on here!

I love the slow burn in NC, it makes Miguel seem more like a real person, with unbearable trauma and trust issues, who's main way to 'cope' is "by leading a society of Peter Parkers who can't pay their rent on time" (from the ATSV artbook), and as someone with a mental health too similar to Miguel's I can see myself in him (THAT'S A COMPLIMENT) with a slow build of trust

While I sometimes do enjoy a bit of smut, most of the time, it's too fast. Too quick, like- CALM DOWN LADIES (and gents), I DON'T THINK MIGUEL'S GONNA EAT YOU OUT ON THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN LIKE EMPANADAS

ALSO DID U KNO HE'S BI???

Hiii, Dino!!! Thank you for the ask, pookie!! 🥰 Also, I'm sorry for taking a few days to answer your ask. I took a few days off tumblr due to life :))

But omg, thank you!! I appreciate the kind words so much, and I’m happy that you love NC!Miguel and the slow burn! 🥹 Also, I’m glad you appreciate the acknowledgement of Miguel’s issues, traumas, and mental state within the fic. I’m no expert; no psychologist nor professional writer, but as the story expanded, I decided that I’d like to dive into Miguel’s story a little more, this being a Spider-Man Miguel fic after all, and one that’s attempting to portray Miguel as realistic as possible (or at least the way I see him and think he’d be like), so that entails including his issues, traumas, and mental state, too.

I know this has led to some chapters being a little delicate, overwhelming, and/or sad (and I’m sorry to anyone who has ever felt down or cried reading NC because they resonated with this content, or the emotions got a little too much. This has never been my intention ):), but I believe it’s important to address, especially because his issues, traumas, and mental state overall are big contributors to his behaviour and mindset in ATSV. As I said, I’m no expert, but just from what I learned in college and have learned throughout the years with personal experiences (seen close people dealing with similar issues like those Miguel has faced and is facing), I know healing from such traumas is important to move forward with life. I also know it takes time, which is a big reason why this fic is a slow burn.

I want Miguel to find himself in a healthy and positive mindset, learn to trust others, and know that he is worthy of love and friendships before he finds himself in a romantic relationship. I’ve yapped too much, but I’m glad that you appreciate that, even though these can be sensitive themes/discussions. Thank you! Also, I’m touched that you can see yourself in NC!Miguel and how he slowly begins to allow himself to trust someone. I hope that as the story progresses, you can continue to see yourself in him in a non-harmful way (I never wish to portray mental health negatively nor disrespect/offend someone)! 💖

And hehehe, your comment about the smut and empanadas has me laughing! 🤣 But I hope you can find more fics with a slower pace regarding that aspect though! I know there’s awesome and talented writers who continue to write for Miguel on here that feed my delusions about this man and post very regularly (thank you Miguel writers - ily 🥰), so keep your eyes open and support what you enjoy reading!!

ALSO, yes, but also no?? I saw a tweet a very long time ago of Oscar Isaac apparently saying Miguel was bi, but idk if it’s canon because I haven’t read any of the comics 😞 (all the plot lines within NC that align with the comics have been researched from other sources). Is it confirmed in the comics? :))

Thank you so much for the ask!! I hope you’re having a great day/night, Dino!! Pls take care!! 🫶🏼💖

Alondra❤️

[littlestardescendants]

This is completely random but what are your thoughts on Lucifer×Minhyeok as a ship?

in one of Luci's homescreen dialogues he's apologetic towards MC after what Gabriel did, how'd Luci think about Gabriel attacking an innocent human who isn't even related to Solomon?

I think a scenario where Jjok and Ppyong meet and become friends then Ppyong talks about MC and Minhyeok. Lucifer overhears that Gabriel attacked 2 humans instead of 1, he'd wanna know more

I think Minhyeok would be too scared of Lucifer

(if you aren't into character×character ships just ignore this ask)

Nah don't worry about it fam I'm open to answer any questions and I'm proud of you for working the guts to ask 💖

And to be honest I'm sort of neutral on these characterxcharacter ships I see their merit but LuciferxMinhyeok is a touch surprising. I'll try to give my honest thoughts on how I think it'd go and work :>

Explanation under:

So if I recall and I could be wrong but back in the Halloween event, Minhyeok had encountered the three Seraphim; Gabriel, Raphael, and Michael as well as the Kings. While going through there was a sort of fascination with him that they had going on and I think Lucifer being part angel would be fascinated as well and curiously seek him out especially if Jjok and Ppyong later on meet or he senses MC longing for Minhyeok (Lucifer strikes me as kind of perceptive to these things so for the start of it, it'd be fascination on his end while with Minhyeok it's a bit different.)

I can see the ship sort of working as Lucifer is fascinated but also sort of Aloof. He sort of is like an alley cat curious but independent, and I imagine the more he hears about Minhyeok, the more intrigued he is, and before long, the two meet, and it becomes quite a thing. So Minhyeok I feel at this time would be utterly gobsmacked; He's competing with immortal beings for MC and now here comes Lucifer the King of Pride and I imagine he's incredibly wary or freaked out and lowkey resentful but unlike the demons who take Minhyeok's fake kindness at face value, Lucifer picks up on it and I see the two talking it out because Lucifer doesn't see Minhyeok as competition.

I feel like Lucifer is above those things and so they'd probably be friends once Minhyeok realizes Lucifer is pretty neutral on MC (I get the vibes that even if related to Solomon Lucifer is pretty neutral about MC and not as obsessed as the Devils). And I think with time their relationship actually works to one of more understanding and regard.

I feel to myself that Minhyeok sort of helps Lucifer focus on the present and reconnect to the other species he sort of has been distant from and Lucifer helps Minhyeok let go and realize it's okay to have a life outside of MC and to not base his entire life around one thing, speaking from experience. It's a sweet dynamic, and if you're talking romantic, it sort of falls down the line because the two give me vibes they'd naturally fall into it. Of course neither are going to directly pursue, Lucifer would be respectful of Minhyeok's longing for MC to return to him but I imagine as MC gets railed by other demons Lucifer is the one person in Minhyeok's life telling him what he needs to hear. Minhyeok seems to always be the caretaker to others' feelings and lives, so Lucifer would probably be the one telling Minhyeok to take care of himself or to see things for what they are.

Of course Lucifer's still gonna be his feral self like he was in the Selfie story but Minhyeok strikes me as more cautious and nurturing than MC so the ship has room to be very sweet for both of them because they both get something special from it and could be pretty cute if it works like this. And while sex is a big thing I see the two taking it slow because unlike MC where their minds are on sex 24/7 the two guys just genuinely love their conversations and talk and work to it more tenderly than MC ever would with either of them.

Now I could be wrong but these are my thoughts since tbh this is the first I've heard of it so like I'm just taking a ball and rolling with it haha.

Hope it answers! 💖

[mousesquared]

Hi! How did you realize you were aplspec? I'm questioning myself and am having such a hard time figuring it out lol...

(disclaimer that all of this is my personal experience and i dont speak for all aplspec people) oh also im gonna be saying i/me but this realization was a mix of mouses and mine (toby)

prepare for a long one cause i like to talk a lot i guess

i think it kinda hit me when i really thought about platonic attraction. im aroace and so dont experience romantic or sexual attraction and so thinking of a platonic version of that was a bit confusing. there were only a couple people i could remember feeling a pull towards to either be their friend or be closer as friends. with other friends it just kind of happened? they were someone i talked to about similar interests or in groups with mutual friends and a friendship just happened because of that. i didnt have a goal or pull to specifcally to try and get closer to them, it just happened because of where we hung around.

i know not all alloplatonic friendships are built on an urge to be friends or closer friends, but i do think my experience of it is in an aplatonic(spec) way. there is also the part where i dont specifcally have an urge to need close friends. i of course enjoy it when i do. but when i realized i was aplspec i only had like 2 past friends that i still occasionally texted but we were super distant. i didnt really miss an emotional bond with someone, i just wanted to talk to people. i was lonely in the sense that all my thoughts were having to be kept inside by head with no way out. and when i seeked out a place to talk about them, thats where friendships formed. i didnt join that community in order to get close friends, i just wanted discussion.

most of the time when it comes to friends, i am seeking the activity, the action, the nonloneliness. it is nice to have people fufilling that with me that i like! but with friends i have a really hard time gauging steps in relationships. i have been known to either talk to someone for a very short time and all of a sudden regard us as very close and i have been known to talk to someone and be friends with them for years, and then not consider them as close as they consider me. the latter isnt usually about me not liking them as much as others, i just dont realize how they view our friendship and have trouble gauging that kind of stuff for myself. i think that comes from just having trouble gauging how people see me in general. personally i think thats an autism thing but it affects my aplatonicism so its also an aplatonic thing!

i also think that i view friendship as like a complete separate step than just talking to someone a lot. that may seem like a contradictory thing to what ive said before. but the fact that i seek talking to people and interacting with others, thats why i was ok with not really having friends for a stretch of time. struggling with gauging friendship makes me see friendship as something that has to be kind of barrier you eventually cross instead of it just building up. i often dont realize when we cross that barrier and of course the other person doesnt feel the need to express it because we are already friends in their eyes. i am often hit with the "oh i guess we are friends now" thought. even with the few people i have felt platonic attraction to.

so TLDR: i realized platonic attraction is actually a thing, and most of the time i dont have an actual pull to be friends/closer with people. i dont usually seek the companionship of friends, usually just the sociable & activity doing aspect. i care about my friends but i dont view my care for them as a platonic attraction. i also have trouble gauging relationship levels with people and often dont realize we are friends until they say something or i realize im spending a lot of my time with them. (reminder that im aplspec, not 100% aplatonic too!)

[limonnitsa]

HELLO GOOFBALL! IM IN YOUR INBOX TO GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO YAP ABOUT IDA! Was their any main source of inspiration for her? How has she changed since you developed her? >:)))

YAAAY MARS tnx for your interest! 🌸

In general, Ida’s personality is based on:

my gaming experience

what I saw in fanfiction/TikTok videos and made it fundamentally opposite on purpose (this is my idea of fun)

how I see it myself based on the MC October challenge

vibes of characters I liked a long time ago

As for character inspiration list I CAN ELABORATE A BIT LOT:

Lena Bessoltseva, Scarecrow (1983): compassionate, selfless and naive newkid in class that almost instantly attaches to her classmate. That's why she literally takes his responsibility that threatens her safety then, but she copes with it and it shows her gentle but strong personality, sadly her classmate remained a coward. I think this character is the core and the main inspiration of Ida.

Zoe, Dragon Hunters (2008): her impressionable, cute clinginess and naive romantic personality also inspired me to make Ida similar to her. She also finds herself in an unusual environment and she finally faced with the fact that "life is not a fairy tale", but this did not make her give up her goals.

Sally Finkelstein, Nightmare Before Christmas (1993): the way how she silently cared about Jack, how she did things to cheer him up like it's nothing, the chemistry between them somehow enchanted me really. I wish to see more this kind of relationship, so of course I wanted Ida to give this attitude to Seb, even if he, as Jack, was too focused on his own goals to notice it before the things messing up.

Tsubaki Nakatsukasa, Soul Eater (2008): I swear she's a definition of patience. She's also very gentle, cozy and kind character, the quet one in a good way, a really good listener and adviser. I wanted Ida to have this features of personality, too. The way how she always tolerates Black Star I can't- It's totally Ida and Seb dynamic at Hogwarts years BWAHAH

Elsa, Frozen (2013): to be clear, I'm talking about the first film's Elsa. They are both chaotic regarding the abilities they wield: as Elsa, the more Ida's scared, the more strong and messed up her abilities become. Since certain moment Ida also has her reasons to be distant from her dear ones, and she also has her Ice Kingdom safespace (Room of Requirement) to supress the core of it. And, of course, neither of them it helps - both confronts their dear ones anyway.

Kamisato Ayaka, Genshin Impact: they are both not a person of talents but the person of hard work, practise and persistence when it comes to skills. They are both hostages to the big expectations of others, they have a certain role that once unexpectedly burdened them. But it's in their nature to take this responsibility properly, to help their dear ones. Just because it's right and they genuinely want to help.

As for Ida's personality changes: her arc of development finally brings her to realization that she will not be able to be the Keeper, unlike Derek (true MC). Ida realizes that she is at the limit of her abilities, so she voluntarily gives the role of the Keeper to him. Derek finally realizes his purpose and takes responsibility.

The relic also affected her state of mind: while it wasn't destroyed and stayed in her Room of Requirement, Ida was becoming more aloof, hostile and even angry, she was more paranoid.

After the relic was destroyed, Ida started coming back to normal, still it wasn't enough. After 5th year she became even more withdrawn and vulnerable, but not for long: she turned out way enduring than she seemed.

(shawty you made me do THE ELABORATION /admiringly)

[paranormaljones]

it's super slow at work so i'm gonna rant about dating and a dream i had last night.

i hate dating. my feelings are extremely unpredictable when it comes to romantic interest and that basically means that i'm super picky. the few times that i've gone out with guys, all of them have been very interested in me from the start while i'm in a place of being unsure how i feel about them, because i didn't know any of them beforehand. personally, i'm not willing to drag things out for a long time on the off chance that my feelings will change. if i don't feel "it" almost immediately, i won't force myself to stay in an unbalanced dynamic. i feel it's incredibly unfair to the other person, and it will only make breaking it off more painful for them if they've caught serious feelings and i haven't. i've been on the receiving end of rejection for letting my feelings build up longer than i should have, and i hate hate hate the thought of putting someone else through that. so i break it off quickly.

the most recent time i went out with a guy, which was a few months ago, he was very clearly catching feelings quickly. and he was very vocal about how much he liked me/enjoyed my company (but not in a creepy way). and unfortunately, i have so little experience with receiving so much words of affirmation that it scared the hell out of me. i never knew how to respond and i knew that i wasn't catching feelings, but sadly i think we could have been good friends in other circumstances.

he also made a few comments regarding my very visible adhd that made me feel . . . well, "fetishized" isn't the right word. but something akin to that. my various tics and adhd symptoms are pretty easy to spot if you know that i have adhd, and that did come up naturally in one of our earlier conversations. he made several comments about them along the lines of "that's so cute" and it never sat right with me. i don't think he had any malicious intent at all, he was always really sweet in our conversations and i think he just didn't know how it came across. unfortunately i wasn't brave enough to bring up how it made me feel; it was something else that i had never experienced before and i didn't know how to respond to it.

all that to say, for the short time that we went out together, our dynamic always felt deeply unbalanced. just like the last two times i'd gone out with someone. and i just couldn't stay in that with the vague hope that it would balance itself out.

it's made me realize that for me to actually get into a serious relationship one day, it's going to take a very specific kind of dynamic (and very specific kind of man) for me to really want to pursue that. it's almost certainly going to have to stem from a pre-existing friendship. platonic connections are so important to me and i need to have a very strong one in place before a romantic connection can start.

onto the dream that i had last night.

it was really vivid and unusual for me. it was one of those dreams that you wake up from and think "that's going to make me sad for the rest of the day." and it has.

i dreamed of a man asking me out. i can still picture what he looked like, slightly older than me with very dark hair but a few silvery streaks, like he was greying early (sidebar, i hope i go grey early because i always think it looks beautiful on others). he had soft blue eyes and a gentle voice and a very genuine smile. in the dream i had the feeling that i knew of him previously, but i didn't really know him. and that was a big deal, because when he asked me out i felt completely safe in saying yes. i think we went out to dinner and just spent the evening together. i can't really remember the details but i remember feeling safe and "perfectly, incandescently happy". it felt like we were balanced, equal. it felt like i'd found someone i'd been looking for for a long time. i even remember his name.

i woke up and felt that absence immediately.

stuff like that leaves me in such a place. because it helps to narrow down exactly what i hope to find in a future relationship, but it's also of course an aching reminder of what i haven't found yet, what i'm not sure i'll ever find.

anyways. the yearning levels are off the charts again today. and all i can do about it is overshare on tumblr dot com.

[leadhoovesies]

Another one?

I'm realizing that my last relationship kind of broke me regarding romance. Maybe she was right that I was being "overly saccharine" at some point, but it also burned into my brain that "romance is dumb and I shouldn't try being romantic"

I don't talk about these kinds of things any more and that's partially the reason. I used to be more of a "hopeless romantic" then I tried being just a romantic... and eneded up just being hopeless instead.

I think it's a positive turning point that I'm now rejecting what I became and going back to being a hopeless romantic. It's better than hopeless at least.

It's kind of fucked up that that was in 2017 and I've been like this since then.

I didn't even notice.

I don't care if people think it's stupid any more. I do like romance (in some forms more than others) and I won't let that old relationship confine me any more.

I don't care if this is sappy and embarrassing. Fuck it! This affected me! In the grand scheme of the universe it might be pointless and ridiculous... but it kind of destroyed a core aspect of myself I had before and I want it back even if it's ugly to other people.

[vacantgodling]

🔥💜💋🧀🗺️for someone from TCOL!!

AHHHH THANK YOU!!! i think i'll use a randomizer for this since there's so many characters LMAO 👀 and look who we got--a blorbo i never get to talk about in depth <3

🔥Who was their first love? How did it turn out?

for erik, his first love was probably a girl that he knew back when he was growing up on diisai. i personally can't be assed to make a name for this random girl bc she's really not that important (as far as i can currently tell and unless i decide to shoot myself in the foot by making her important in some regard--) but they grew up together and learned the Diisaian long bow together, and they were always competing to see who would be the best at it. it was usually neck and neck and if it wasn't for her, erik probably wouldn't be as good an archer as he is today bc she constantly pushed him to get better. it wasn't really meant to be in a romantic sense though, she ended up falling for a different person in their village, and when the two got together, that's when erik finally decided that maybe he should leave home and try to make something of himself. he hasn't talked to hear in nearly 10 years at this point.

💋How romantic do they expect their partner(s) to be in a relationship? Is it a deal-breaker if expectations aren’t met?

well erik is a Bit of a glutton for punishment. he never really expects people to care as much about him as he cares about them. so it wouldn't be a TOTAL deal breaker if his partner wasn't particularly romantic or wasn't on the same level as him--he'd still treat them the same and respect their boundaries. but it does hurt him a little bit, sort of depending on what the things his partner doesn't want to do and doesn't care for are. he's definitely the kind of guy to suffer through a marriage for a decade or more and be totally unhappy but unwilling to let it go because he cares about the person. he should really want better for himself is kind of what i'm saying lol.

💜Do they have a “type” of person they tend to date?

unfortunately erik isn't very good at the actually getting into a relationship part of falling in love/having a crush. i think in his life he's had... 5 people he's really care about in some capacity. which would be the aforementioned longbow girl, miona, galen, fiametta, and dion. so i think if i compare all of those people: erik tends to fall for people who are capable in some way; prowess and capability tend to be turn ons for him. he's not like a full "please step on me" kind of person, but he does also tend to like people who have strong personalities and who are confident in themselves in some way. he's attracted to people who "don't need him" in some ways, and part of that is probably a little bit of self inflicted punishment, though he's not really intending to do that to himself, he just is a bit of a glutton for punishment. however, none of the people who he's ever liked would say that about him, that's just how he perceives things lol.

🧀What’s their cheesiest romantic fantasy? Do they want to recreate it in real life?

hmmm... the MOST ridiculous fantasy that he has would be someone picking him over someone else. like, lets say he's in love with person a and person a is in a relationship/bond with person b. he'd want person a to suddenly realize that they're in love with him and then leave person b to be with him. he realizes its definitely a bit messed up and he would never wish heartbreak on someone like that so he wouldn't want that to happen irl. but he can't help but daydream about it sometimes; being someone's first choice.

🗺️What are some cultural customs surrounding love and romance that they practice?

that's a very good question! i have to think more about some of the finer, nitty gritty details about how love and courtship and all that stuff goes, but i do know that diisai and kiskkaddon both have different practices around love and courtship because they splintered off from the rest of terranean society early on in its development. when i do figure it out tho there will be a post about it haha

[seeingteacupsindragons]

Regarding your experience with being agender, was it like...realizing you were asexual and realizing your were agender were two different parts of the same journey, with one realization sort of leading into the other? Or was it more like two entirely separate realizations? I feel like gender and sexuality can be either very separate or very intertwined for different people, but I'm curious to hear your experience if you're comfortable sharing.

Also (and sorry for my cluelessness!) how would you define agender vs nonbinary?

In reverse order:

Agender is a subset of nonbinary. Nonbinary is just...anything that isn't strictly/solely/perfectly aligned with "man" or "woman." Anything outside those two camps, even if it's part-time outside those camps. Agender is "No gender" or just fucking off the map entirely in no camps.

Anyway, for me personally, they were very different paths. Asexual was one of those things where I just saw the word with the explanation of what it was and went "That's what that is???????"

So really, it was honestly already "knowing" and not knowing what to call it. It was a lightning bolt moment, I suppose.

I feel like aromantic was on a similar vein, but took longer, actually. I flopped around for a while assuming I was heteroromantic because wanting relationships with other-binary-gender-assigned-at-birth was just expected of me, to eventually realizing I didn't actually have any desire to be in a relationship with anyone regardless of gender, to learning the words "lithromantic" and "akoiromantic" and thinking, "Yeah, okay, that fits, I guess, and it's an aro-spec thing?"

And the longer identified comfortably as aro-spec, the more I kind of came to terms with the fact that I really probably wasn't attracted to them romantically at all and it was a messy combination of friendship and societal expectations and being needy for attention, and etc.

Agender was...well, actually, the first time I remember trying to come out as agender was around the same time I came out to my friends as aro. I'd seen some stuff talking online about how physical dysphoria wasn't actually a necessity for being trans and went, "Oh, wait, maybe this sort of fits then...?"

A binary trans friend shut me down pretty hard and I managed to mentally recloset myself for several more years and pinging back and forth about whether maybe I was nonbinary or not.

What eventually pushed the gender thing over the edge for me was realizing that I while sometimes I don't mind being called "he" or "she," sometimes I really in fact do mind those both equally, and it was more "me being okay with being assumed a gender that's wrong" and less "well, it's fine if people gender me the way everyone always has because it doesn't bother me"—I felt the same way about the other binary gender, too!

And then once I embraced that and started leaning into it more and degendering parts of my presentation and expression and mixing in both genders more and more, I realized that actually, I really probably had dysphoria this whole time and didn't recognize it, because, like: agender. The dysphoria often doesn't look like wanting to be in a prototypically other binary gender body because that's not the gender I am, either.

And now I'm just sort of vibing here, I guess?

Also, part if it was probably, "This gender thing is fucking confusing and I can't figure it out and I am opting entirely out of this entire fucking process. Good day."

[saintavangeline]

Hi darling! First of all— love ur music. & thank you for being so open about your bipolar disorder! Your openness about it has helped me accept it too. Now my question—

I really want to get on the sapphic dating scene. I have experience with women but it’ll be my first time interacting with the scene in my adult life (if that even makes sense). I know this is a silly question hahaha but if you’re open to answering I’d love to hear any insight on what it’s like and if you have any advice I’d be so grateful!

You’re amazing and I’m rooting for you and your career.

Thanks so much 🥰

Hi! Thank you so much, and it makes me so happy that my transparency with my disorder helped you in your own mental health journey - that's so awesome!

Regarding your main question..

I guess I kinda just entered the 'big girl' phase of adult dating last year, so I'm not sure I have the best advice! I turned 21 in September so that kind of opened up a lot of avenues in terms of where I was allowed to enter FOR dates or meeting people I suppose - haha. I was in a long term relationship from 16-18 and then like some talking phases before I dated someone again from 19-20, and I went on one official date with someone before meeting my current gf (we met on a dating app), so I'm not exactly a pickup artist.

I guess my advice is to just have fun, just chat and talk to be people, but don't be so eager to date. Even if you're on a dating app, take every interaction as something casual for a while and enjoy getting to know them. Don't beat yourself up if a convo goes dry. Move on. Have some fun dates and go places you've never gone to before. It can be super fun to check out a new (public) place with a date who also has never been because it can be an ice breaker. The best dating advice I've personally learned is loving and respecting myself and my priorities above all else. Good and well-meaning people will enter your life when you know those things about yourself and what you deserve.

If you find someone, enjoy the time you spend together, but don't expect anything to last forever OR to be short-lived! Live in the moment with them and have fun for a good while.

One of my besties is someone I went on a date with and it was one of the best dates I ever had, but I realized we'd be better off as friends and we have been ever since! It's totally okay to start off romantic with someone and end up as friends. Or vice versa! Try new things lol

If there's tension and conflict right off the bat, it's never worth it. In my opinion, newfound romantic relationships should never cause you stress or burden you in any way (of course there's nuance here). They should only enhance your life.

I've never dated men, so I'm not sure how different the advice or application would be in terms of gender, but this is what I've gathered from dating and talking to other women. They aren't as intimidating as you might think.

Hope this was helpful in some way!

🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

[trillscienceofficer]

Hi! I saw your tags on that post & I thought I'd send you a question about B7 that I'd love to hear your thoughts about :) Quick disclaimer: I haven't seen the last few seasons of Voyager & I've only *heard* about Picard so if I'm missing anything that's probably why. Having said that - if we assume that B'Elanna & Seven dated during the events of Voyager & came back to the alpha quadrant together, what is your favourite post-Voyager version of events regarding their relationship? Thank you & take care!

Thank you so much, this is a REALLY good question!

I find myself going back and forth on various versions of this canon-divergent post-Voyager scenario, and I find it hard to settle on one in particular. Would a relationship between them implode in the abrupt transition to life in the Alpha Quadrant, since it was something that started in the relatively isolated environment of Voyager, or would it survive the change? I think it ultimately depends on how that relationship between them developed, and when. Most of the time in my writing I assume B'Elanna and Seven get together in late season 5 or early season 6, and that would mean they had around two years to figure things out about each other and themselves before being faced with leaving behind the life they've known for so long. However, I wouldn't describe the dynamic of a relationship between them as stable, either.

Both because I'm a hopeless romantic and what compels me most about this relationship is the potential for growth and self-discovery it could spur in both B'Elanna and Seven, I really would love to see them working it out in some way, and remain together. I think a relationship still wouldn't cancel out their restlessness, though. Honestly, I think B'Elanna would hate a Starfleet-type job, and I don't see either of them settling down unless it was for a short-lived, unsuccessful experiment. I think it would be fun for them to have the kind of elastic bond that would allow them to work and travel across the Quadrant doing their own thing while periodically seeing each other whenever they have time, and sometimes going on wild tangents together (honestly if Seven still got in the Rangers or a similar organization, I see them working together pretty often trying to make old, banged-up starships fly again!)

Another important question to me is, would that relationship allow B'Elanna and Seven grow in such a way that they'd be able to face their future in a less dysfunctional way? Again I think it depends on how you look at it, but my favorite interpretation of this ship is a resounding yes! It's no secret that I think Seven on the Picard show is not doing very well and is not getting particularly better, but the way in which she's not doing well is very interesting. I think Seven's main problem on Picard is that she's avoidant, both wrt her own needs and feelings and wrt the people who care about her. All this sound to me like... she's essentially taken on a lot of the issues B'Elanna had on Voyager. Simply put, I think that wouldn't had happened if she and B'Elanna had been closer and had stayed close. Not that I think that they are particularly good at recognizing each other's issues, but they would certainly have more experience with dealing with them because, again, I think some growth has happened to allow them to stay in each other's life.

As for B'Elanna... we know nothing about her post-Voyager so far, but I really would love to see her forging her own path in the Alpha Quadrant, no strings attached, while still having a partner that she can be sure she can trust (however tumultuous her relationship with Seven is) and won't force B'Elanna to shrink herself into someone she's not. I want her to have the freedom that comes with that kind of partnership, even if it would probably take time for her to realize that not settling down doesn't mean that she's failing.

tl;dr my fave version of post-canon b7 is that with some growing pains they remain together in an elastic and informal arrangement, and still see each other when they're not having wild adventures (and maybe even have some adventures together)

[raedas]

hey i was just wondering how you figured out you were aro?? no pressure if you’re uncomfortable sharing of course ! but i’m kind of questioning and i thought maybe hearing other people’s experiences might help. and also i was in a relationship for almost a year so that’s probably somewhat significant and additionally complicating ahaha <333

hey anon!! first and foremost good luck with figuring everything out <33 i know at least for me, questioning can be a long and hard and typically ongoing process, but we'll make it through :] i'm gonna stick the rest of my answer beneath the read more bc im getting the sense im gonna go on for a bit FGDHLKSFAJ

one of the biggest things for me that i think is necessary to preface everything is that i've never really had an "oh" moment like some people talk about. there's never been a moment where i saw a label or a flag and was 100% sure i fit into that box, its more like... years worth of questioning and then the internal meter in my head slowly ticking over. like, when i was figuring out i was queer, i maybe started questioning in like... fifth grade you could say? but it started as more of a "oh im definitely not but like What if" and then gradually began to tick more and more towards "oh i think i might not be cishet" to eventually when i hit the... idk, 80% or 90% certainty mark it was more of a "fuck it, im queer" feeling. there's always going to be that bit of doubt for me, i think, and coming to terms with being aro was very similar for me in that regards

another thing is i was ALSO in a relationship for almost a year, and that's during the time when i was coming to terms with being aro/arospec, which im sure you can imagine was an Experience. i do think being in a relationship was the best thing for me trying to figure out i was aro though, bc i definitely got that sense of Wrongness of trying to think of myself as existing in a romantic relationship. like, when i thought of myself as having a romantic partner, it always felt a bit like i was playing at a part and acting like i had romantic feelings more than i actually did. of course that came with.. a lot of me trying to ignore my own feelings and feeling guilty about it up until i broke up with my now ex (this is like the funniest inside joke ever to us now dw) so that's where i was coming from w/ my experiences

i also began to realize that like, whenever i try to imagine myself in a romantic relationship, its always in some ambiguous future like 10 or so years down the line, which completely distances myself from the idea. i have no idea what a romantic relationship with someone would look like for me, it was just this idea of "yeah, someday in an ambiguous future ill have a romantic relationship with someone and we'll cook together and hug each other and have fun" until i realized that i don't actually want a romantic relationship, and also that... none of those things that i actually envisioned are exclusive to a romantic relationship. in my life ive had a grand total of 2 crushes, both of which were/are queerplatonic but also like... if i imagine having an Actual relationship its just stressful to me and not even really appealing, despite the fact that i have a crush on them.

one of the most important things im coming to terms is that its okay if im wrong, its okay if however many years down the line i find out that im actually entirely allo and fall in love with someone. like i said i dont know if ill ever be 100% confident in my own labels especially with the whole issue of "how do you prove a negative". for now, though, calling myself aro is something that makes me happy and feels, most of the time, accurate. another really important thing i think is that aromanticism is entirely a spectrum. you could be aromantic or arospec in a billion different ways*, or you could be none of them, and thats okay too <333 good luck with everything anon i hope hearing about my experiences helped a bit :]

[eternalwritess]

Hi, I wanted to request a match up! I'm a demi-hetero girl, she/her (INFP 5w4). I love to read, to create and to discover. I'm very curious! Solving puzzles, reading thriller books stimulate my mind. I can sew and I love listening to music (and sing, lol. I'm a theatre kid). I'm shy at first, a little withdraw but then I open myself up for the people I like. I blush so easily! People usually like to come to me asking for advices or just to vent and I'm happy to listen. Since I'm 5'2 (1.57 cm) and have big brown eyes people would often call me bimba at work (it means "baby-girl" in Italian). I suffered from panic attacks but it's been a while since the last one, fortunately. I have little experience in relationships, eh. Even if I'm very independent I'd like to be pampered; to feel as if someone is really concerned about my well-being. I was bullied in high school this is why I always stop acts like this when I see them. I speak up my mind but in a kind, polite way and I tend to do friends easily. What more? I like horror movies, logical reasoning and I collect keychains! My clothing style is dark/romantic academia and I wear glasses. I can speak 4 languages: Italian, Spanish, English and German! Oh! I'm sarcastic; I like to make people laugh.

𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕖𝕟 𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕕 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙…

𝓥𝓸𝔁!

Honestly this was kind of a hard one but here we go...

As to how you two met... honestly its hard to say I'd just say by chance somehow on the streets of hell

While Vox isn't much on reading (as he thinks its for people of the past-) he loves to create things

You constantly help him in creating new devices to market/sell

"What about this one?"

Whenever you're solving a puzzle I'd like to imagine that he'd try to help thinking that its easy at first but then realizing that its hard. He might end up throwing a slightly temper tantrum but you'd help him out with it though

You and him dance and sing all of the time... he loves to dance and sing-

He comes to you to ask for advice sometimes. He likes how reliable you are and will ask about things regarding the vees saying how he can't get them under control and stuff like that and you would help him through it

He vents to you a lot. Mostly about Alastor though and its mostlly just hate rants...

"He's so stupid with that staff of his!!"

Whenever you have a panic attack he freaks out but then tries to help and clam you down

He's not that best at it though so beware...

He pampers you all of the time. You want something? You got it. You stared at something in the window a little too long. Hundred of them are now at your doorstep. He likes pampering you because it inflates his ego... so yeah-

You both watch horror movies quite often. Although I'd imagine that he'd either be extremely terrified or just unfazed. Depends on the movie ig

[spacedykez]

"more than friends"

some thoughts, from an aro with a queerplatonic partner and too much time to think.

so i recently entered a queerplatonic relationship. and i love xem so, so much. that's not what this post is about, much. My partner, in specific, i mean. but! i have found myself thinking things that... confuse me. and i wanted to type this out. mostly for myself, but maybe others will find it interesting.

"More than friends." The aro community hates this phrase. And for good reason!! We have every right to hate it, given how it's used to push amatonormativity on us and how it devalues platonic relationships.

Similarly, a lot of people refer to/see QPRs as "in-between" romance and friendship. A concept that is both incorrect and trying to once again, push the friendship-romance hierarchy (I don't know the right term for that but you know what I mean. I think? Yknow, the whole romance-is-the-best, friendship-is-less-valuable thing that society loves).

Okay. So why am I making this post? Well, honestly mostly because I'm trying to process my own thoughts and address things that I think are issues with my thinking. But also to maybe offer a perspective. Not a defense of the phrase "more than friends" but a reason as to why it's used.

[again, disclaimer: this is my own personal experience. Not all people in QPRs will feel the same way that I do. In fact, most will not]

So. My partner. I love xem. But I don't romantically love xem. I don't... know. What romantic attraction feels like. I don't know how to differentiate that from sexual attraction. I don't feel either. But I know that I don't... feel like other people do. I don't want to kiss anyone (at least on the lips), I don't want to go on pointless dates, I don't want to have a traditional family.

I... am very quickly realizing I have no clue what normal relationships entail. Um. I do know that I don't want romance, though. I don't know what romantic attraction feels like. But I know that I don't feel it (source: trust me dude (/j)).

And then there's platonic attraction. There is a lot I could talk about regarding how I feel about friendship in general (not /neg, not /pos, just observations and thoughts) but I'm just gonna skip around to the most relevant bits. So. My friends. I care about them, and I want them to be happy, because when they are happy I am happy. Insert other Friend Things here (examples: wanting to be there for them on bad days, putting in the effort to talk to them often, supporting their art/work as best i can, just generally being supportive). That's not the point here. Point is, I've got a pretty good grip on how friendship feels and what it entails.

Now, queerplatonic attraction. The best way I can describe it is somewhere in between. And I know! That that is EVERYTHING that people are pushing against!! That QPRs are NOT just "in between" romance and friendship, that they're a different kind of attraction. But I don't know how else to describe my feelings. I don't know how else to explain it. It's like friendship, but with an extra layer of something. And that's pushing the "more than friends" narrative, right?!? That's just pushing everything that enforces the idea that friendship is less than QPRS which are less than romance.

And... I don't know. I don't know where to go from here. I was hoping that I'd figure things out by writing this, but I'm just... Lost. The feelings I have for my QPP are like a blending of the line between platonic and romantic. And we are still friends!! That's the thing!! We are partners AND friends, and purely by.... I don't know what exactly, but. We are more than just friends. Because we still are friends. We're just also something else. Something deeper. And I don't know how else to put it. But I shouldn't put it this way! It's wrong, right? We aren't "more than friends" because QPRs aren't just "friendship plus," they're something else entirely. And yet. We are friends and also partners and I don't know how else to describe it.

[letrashbag]

Alright, I've been looking at all the queer crap, so Imma rant about that today. (I also accidentally reblogged a Nimona post on here instead trashlikesmedia so oops, but you can see where I started.)

Labels suck but I need them so there. I consider myself asexual, I came to this conclusion last summer. I've never been in a relationship, never really had any crushes. I always joked about how I had a crush on this guy in like 3rd grade and he liked my best friend (who I didn't actually like but that's a different story), and I've never loved since, but like it's true. I haven't. I always had this idea that I just hadn't met someone worth crushing on. I would ask people how they got into relationships and they'd always be like "just be yourself, one day the right guy will come along and it'll all work out" which was not helpful at all. My younger sibling is queer and they kind of introduced me to a lot of different identities and ideas, and it just kind of grew from there. It all started with me acknowledging the fact that I didn't want to sleep with women, and I felt the same way about women as I do about men, so I'm bi? pan? ace? It took a while to get comfortable with it, but now I'm here confidently ace.

Then the romantic side of things got tough. I've been on exactly one date (it was terrible, I did not like the guy and he did not put in a lot of effort and it was so uncomfortable), and I've only ever really had one crush on a guy and it was such a weird experience, that I couldn't figure out what was going on. (that was actually last summer and part of me realizing I was ace was being excited to hang out and talk with him but physically recoiling when I even thought about kissing him), so romance was not my thing. I do identify as aromantic, because it's the label that most closely matches my feelings and experiences, but I still feel like it's not right. I don't know if it's because I genuinely am alloromantic, or because I so desperately crave romance.

The big deal of it all is that I grew up in a not great family environment. My parents hate each other, especially my mom to my dad. They have been outwardly antagonistic towards each other for as long as I can remember. (I think the only reason they haven't gotten divorced is because it would be too expensive and my mom doesn't want to lose my dad's paycheck.) That contrasted really sharply with all the romance I would read about and see in movies and stuff. I'm a big reader and I have always loved romance. So I grew up with this reality of a terrible relationship and a fantasy of a perfect romance. I constantly worried that I would either settle for a terrible relationship because I thought that was realistic or end up alone because nothing matched my standards. Now, I don't know if my aromantic feelings are just because I'm scared of relationships and all of that nonsense or if I'm just genuinely not attracted to people. It keeps me up at night. At the end of the day, I just vibe and hope that everything works out.

In regards to gender, boy howdy do I have feelings. Cause like, gender isn't real, it's a social and cultural concept that people cling to because they like order. This is not invalidating trans people, gender and body dysmorphia is a very real thing and associating your identity, experiences, and sense of self with a gender and/or sex is normal, whether it aligns with your gender assigned at birth or not. My sentiment is more about the way society views gender as 1) a binary that aligns perfectly with sex and 2) an inflexible and constant pillar of identity that comes before any other identifiers. This is where I got beef. At the end of the day, your personal experience of gender is just that, personal. It's a part of who you are, but it's also influenced heavily by the way society views gender and gender norms, that's inevitable. My personal feelings are just complicated. I identify as a woman and use she/her pronouns because it's easy, not because I feel particularly aligned with the female gender. I'm not uncomfortable being perceived as a woman, but I also just don't care. Gender just isn't something that I consider important to my identity. I am me, I love these things, I do these things, these are my opinions. Y'know? (It probably doesn't help that my sense of self is also just wack, but whatever.) Something that I am uncomfortable with is being viewed as a woman before being viewed as a person. I have always called myself an actor, not an actress. Cause what's an actor? Someone who acts. What's an actress? A woman who acts. Why should part of my identifier clarify that I am a woman? That just doesn't make any sense to me. This view is rooted in my feminist ideals as well, as I've always been an advocate of getting rid of gendered job titles, seeing as the masculine form is almost always the default. However, I can't help but correlate the feelings. I just want to be a person, not a woman. Most of my hesitation in reaching out to and looking into the genderqueer community is just imposter syndrome probably. I don't care about being a woman, I don't feel gender dysphoria, people on the street probably aren't going to hate crime me for not aligning myself with a binary gender, so why should I try to claim any of this. Maybe it's just me making up excuses and pretending to be queer so I can feel cool or special. Maybe all the queerphobes are right and I am pretending to aroace and nonbinary so I can fit in with all the cool kids without actually having to date a woman and transition. I know that's a messed up view. Everyone's experience with gender and sexuality is extremely unique and no one will fit into a single box. I'm allowed to have these feelings without hating myself. It's just hard and scary. But c'est la vie.

On a lighter note, I love the asexual pride flag, it's so pretty, and I love the aromantic pride flag, it is also very pretty. But the aroace flag isn't that great. The colors just don't itch my brain the way the asexual and aromantic flags do individually y'know?

Long post, but I got's lots of feelings. I'm sure I'll make a bunch of posts about queerness, it do be a thing, but this was a good way to get my base feelings just out there.

[desmondkane-of-ao3-fame]

So how would Skara and willow become an actual couple? I’m only asking because you have a few different answers.

Unfortunately, I'm not certain what to say, because if you're asking me 'How canonically would Skara and Willow get together,' it's kind of difficult one to answer.

The reason I've given so many answer's as to how Skara and Willow become a couple is because A) People asked often for different variations of it, and B) The show itself doesn't give a lot insight into their relationship, so a lot of speculation's can be made. We know Skara bullied Willow in the past, and we know now the two are friends, but a lot of specifics and nitty gritty details are less clear. The show never even gives a hand-wavey explanation for why Skara and Willow became friends, for Titan's sake. It can make for pretty fun speculation fodder and fan theorizing, but it also means creating a perfectly 100% show accurate answer to how Willow and Skara start dating involves a great deal of headcannoning, and also would involve explaining how Huntlow would break up since it's fairly obvious the intention at the end is that the two are in some form of romantic relationship.

I dooooooooo have something of an idea, a potential outline for a long-term Skarlow focused post-timeskip fanfic I'd be happy to see someone tackle, but with life, GS, and another project, there's too much for me to ever do it myself. So if you would like to take up the challenge of writing it yourself, feel free to take the idea and do it yourself. Hell, I might even beta-read it for you.

It starts from Skara's perspective as it follows her developing feelings over Willow while the pair are at Hexside. Over the years, Skara can't help but grow fond of her team captain and friend, eventually realizing she likes Willow a lot more then she should. She refuses to act on her feelings though, both because of her past as a bully and the fact that she's dating Hunter, so Skara mostly just vents to her bestie Viney about it all. After Hexside, Skara becomes a teachers aide and thinks she's fully gotten over her feelings for Willow until Hunter's 21st birthday, where he proposes to her in front of all their family and friends. Willow runs off, panicked, Luz and Amity follow after, and the party attendee's, unsure what to do, try either to help cheer Hunter up, or slip away before things get bad, which is Skara's method. Later, she hears that Willow broke up with Hunter, and a tiny, selfish pang of hope in Skara's chest reminds her that she hasn't given up her feelings for Willow. Even if she wishes she really had.

Later through Willow's perspective, we see how her relationship with Hunter was like. How she always liked him, cared about him, but never felt the same way for him as she did for her. How she always saw Amity and Luz and her dad's and wondered if she would eventually feel as happy with Hunter as they seemed with their partners. And how she never wanted to hurt Hunter, but after he proposed to her, she just didn't know how to react other then to panic. Essentially, she'd always love Hunter, but never felt in love with him, which leads to a lot of her personal conflict in the story. How she never wanted to hurt her friends, but now seems to have created this painful awkwardness in the Hexsquad because she could never be honest with Hunter or herself...

The main focus would be on both girls and their complicated emotions, both regarding their respective situations and, after a while, their feelings for each other. It would also feature a number of subplots, such as Skara being a teachers aid, Boscha and her relationship with Maya, and Hunter's own journey of self discovery after the breakup.

Not all the details are worked out perfectly, but I think there's at least something here, ya know?