#And there's the funeral next week too

[amethystina]

Hi <3 I just wanted to reach out and wish you all the strength and comfort in the world as you navigate this difficult time. Your writing brings so much joy to readers like me, and I hope you’re surrounded by support and love.

If you don’t mind, could you share a bit more about Yohan's thoughts in "Thou Shalt Not Covet"? I’m intrigued by your take on him as someone with darker thoughts and sides, and I’d love to understand your perspective. (you previously mentioned that he had not-so-nice thoughts, which intrigues me greatly! and i wanted to ask if u could talk a little more about them)

Thank you for all the effort you put into your stories, they’re truly inspiring!

Thank you so much 💜 Admittedly, things are still pretty rough. I keep feeling stressed and disoriented and that just adds to the overall exhaustion I'm already struggling with. But I'll get through it eventually. I always do :)

As for Yo Han and his thoughts during Thou Shalt Not Covet?

WELL.

He's a right bastard, that's what he is x'D I mean, aside from the more obvious things he does to Ga On? Like taking his phone away — which is Ga On's only way of getting a taxi AND calling someone for help should the situation escalate — more or less blocking the door to keep Ga On from leaving, and interrupting whenever Ga On tries to speak?

As if that's not enough, Yo Han also does a lot of subtle manipulations to make sure that he maintains the upper hand and that Ga On is easier to nudge in the direction Yo Han wants him. Because while Yo Han starts out confused, unsure of what's going on, he soon realises that a) Ga On is now aware of the attraction between them, b) Ga On is very insecure about said attraction, c) Ga On is unhappy with Yo Han's commitment to their attraction, and d) Ga On is outright jealous.

And that's something Yo Han can work with.

Because this is Yo Han from around episode 10 of the drama and he's not a kind or considerate man at that point in time. So while he does give both himself and Ga On what they want in the end, make no mistake — the way he goes about it is problematic.

Aside from the aforementioned physical ways Yo Han is directing the situation, he also bluntly says: "Yes, I did have sex with him." And that right there? That's him trying to throw Ga On off balance. He wants to keep Ga On in a heightened emotional state so that he's easier to manipulate. And sure, while they both want the thing Yo Han is aiming for with his manipulations, that's still a red flag. Because Yo Han doesn't have to take that route. He could be much more understanding and gentle.

But he chooses not to be.

And the main reason for that is that Yo Han still has limits to how far he's willing to go — and how much of his own pride he's willing to forsake in order to keep Ga On with him. He chose to follow Ga On back to his room, sure — which I agree is pretty monumental — but he's not giving an inch until he's sure he's actually going to be gaining something from it. He keeps asking Ga On questions, figuring the situation out, then basically launches an attack to discombobulate and convince Ga On to give a relationship a try. During the majority of that conversation, Yo Han is intentionally making Ga On more desperate because he knows that'll make Ga On more likely to succumb.

And the fact that Yo Han wants Ga On to succumb isn't just because he cares about him and wants to smooch him — far from it. Because this is Yo Han and, naturally, he's already thought through every scenario and reached the conclusion that, hey, being in a relationship with Ga On will probably be beneficial for his revenge plot because it'll tie Ga On to him more firmly. It'll make Ga On less likely to leave and Ga On is very useful to Yo Han.

(not to mention that Yo Han wants to own every tiny fraction of Ga On's body, heart, and soul)

Starting a relationship with Ga On is a good strategic move, in other words.

It's a tactical decision more so than it's an emotional one.

And, in a similar vein, Yo Han would have chosen not to pursue Ga On if he'd reached the conclusion that it would risk his plans. Because, at this point in the drama, in Yo Han's mind, Ga On — and Yo Han's own desires — are below his revenge on his list of priorities. If their relationship jeopardised his plans, he'd end it. Without hesitation.

So while it may seem pretty romantic that Yo Han follows Ga On to his room and asks him those questions that prove just how many exceptions Yo Han has made for him, you gotta remember that nothing Yo Han does is accidental. He knows just what to say to make Ga On more dependent on him and, when you look at everything he said? Yo Han never once mentioned his own emotions. It was all Ga On reading between the lines and giving Yo Han the benefit of the doubt. He even dodges Ga On's attempt to trap him with the "What do you want it to be?" question by turning it on Ga On, asking if he hasn't figured it out yet.

Not once does Yo Han give an actual verbal answer — he just asks questions and allows Ga On to fill in the blanks.

Because Yo Han knows that he's made Ga On desperate enough that Ga On will fill those empty spaces with what appeals to him the most. By not offering any words himself, Ga On will add the ones he wants to hear instead — and they'll be sweeter, more emotional, more romantic — without Yo Han having to do a thing or surrendering any more of his pride by actually admitting to caring about Ga On.

Ga On does it all by himself.

That doesn't make the emotions any less true — Yo Han does care about Ga On a great deal — but he's not willing to say it at this point in their relationship. He's not willing to leave himself vulnerable or at Ga On's mercy. Because, deep down, Yo Han isn't ready for that kind of commitment, nor does he feel that level of trust towards Ga On.

So, instead, Yo Han makes sure to remain in charge during that whole conversation and uses every trick in the book to manipulate Ga On to his liking.

And sure, that may sound harsh, but that's who Yo Han is. If you look at the drama, that's how he behaves. He is this much of an asshole. He would use Ga On's emotions against him and exploit every weakness he can spot, just to get what he wants.

He's just lucky that, this time, Ga On wants the same thing.

That's not to say that Yo Han comes out of this unscathed, by the way. He thinks he has, being all aloof and untouchable, not realising that he's put himself in quite the pickle once they actually start growing even closer, both physically and emotionally. Which they'll do much quicker than in canon.

Because suddenly Yo Han will be getting fond little kisses whenever Ga On is near. And soft, warm smiles whenever Yo Han does something that makes Ga On happy. And he'll find out what sounds Ga On makes when he's so overwhelmed by pleasure that he can't even form words anymore. And he'll be struck dumb by how angelic Ga On looks in the mornings, sleeping peacefully next to Yo Han.

In short: Yo Han is doomed.

He'd soften a lot quicker than in the drama and his priorities might start shifting without him noticing. Because we all know he's helpless against Ga On's doe eyes and, sooner or later, he'll become that sappy, lovesick old man we all know and love.

So sure, Yo Han is abusive and toxic during this fic — which I don't think should be forgotten or excused — but he's also given Ga On the opening to manipulate him back. And while Ga On won't do it knowingly, Yo Han still won't stand a chance.

And I don't know about you, but I love that for him.

Yo Han won't know what hit him until it's already too late and then his only option is to accept his fate and love and cherish Ga On for the rest of their lives.

A+ scheming there, Mr. Abyss.

That didn't backfire on you at all.

[gunkbaby]

people who weren’t around for tokyo ghoul re releasing weekly can never understand the anxiety of the entire community being wholeheartedly convinced shuu was absolutely gonna croak it at any moment

[sluttyfranzkafka]

damn kind of had a crazy week as just some villager who lives in a place so small that its name alone would dox me

[chromoluminary]

I cannot stay at this job for a second longer than I have to this sucks so bad holy shit

[tariah23]

I’ve seen this niggas disgruntled, anti Yuuta tweets for weeks in passing, he is fed UP

[cuntylittlesalmon]

hm… i’ve written like 3k words in two days

[slippery-minghus]

oh no. i feel like if i do not consume an entire load of bread in the very near future i will simply cease to exist.

[starshinc]

want to be here for a while as i can’t sleep + need a distraction. i’ll pop more info into the read more

as some of you are aware, tomorrow is my grandma’s funeral. grandma was like a mum to me, she was amazing and wonderful person and i have been severely struggling with her loss. tonight, i was given some of her clothes - shirts i can have made into a memory bear, her favourite green cardigan, some old pictures. we discussed her funeral and i have been pre-warned on some music choices. this is so, so painful, and i am….not knowing what to do with myself really so here i am. we are having her service and wake tomorrow, then i head back up to my home across the country on thursday. family want me to stay until sunday but realistically i am going to want my own space and time to process this.

i am also heavily regretting not bringing my cat morgana down for cuddles, but i didn’t want to stress her out (3 hour drive), and poor morgs has a condition which is triggered and brought on by stress so she is staying home…i miss her

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

When your mom's going to get a job for the first time in over 20 years while you're still in school because even though she doesn't think she quite needs to your dad's stressed about money and you know what she's not saying is that your medical bills are a huge part of it :p

[honestlyawesome]

I do still wake up very early and most of the time with a great weakness in my heart. But it’s ok

[six-improbable-things]

I forgot to post anything about this, but I did the scene where I had to read some of my writing to the dnd party (twice!) and they were SO nice about it. I couldn't stop smiling. (which was kind of a weird disconnect since the scenes were super dark, lmao.) But augh, I'm so glad they were nice to meeee. My poor boy Rook is Going Through It right now, and things are about to get worse.

Next session we also might get to do our first version of ship combat using the rules I made which is kind of wild. I'm very nervous, but I feel like after this last session and sharing stuff I wrote with them (out loud!!!) I can handle it. Probably.

[kutyaharapas]

not to be uber dramatic and corny but i do think something in me died along with him when he passed last year

[analogboii]

aaaaaaand i think i have a fever whoops

[punk-rock-kitten]

definitely the worst weeks leading up to christmas I've ever had

[evvlogetarian]

Burnout is so very real and unfortunately it couldn't have come at a worse time for me...like genuinely </3

[danielnelsen]

grandpa just died :/