#And then I get stressed out thinking what if these people start to talk to me in German cos they assume only Germans could know dä.

[deathlygristly]

I accidentally deleted my reblog from earlier today so I'll say it again.

Thank you for this perspective. It's probably that "literal interpretation of language" thing but while watching all the recent Discourse about That Post I got stuck on the idea that some people were blaming everyone on the internet for not being able to control what strangers in leftish online cults post. Especially that one really pushy post that was like "Fix your heart or die!"

I think everyone is on edge right now for obvious reasons and emotions are high so that's contributing to misinterpretation too.

Anyway I can't personally stop anyone who's fallen into radfemmy or radfem adjacent culty spaces from posting hateful things that might then be the final push some young boy gets to go join MRA or MRA adjacent culty spaces, but what I can do is share things like the warning signs of culty online spaces and advocate blocking any accounts that come off culty before you start taking them personally and letting them affect your worldview in any direction.

"Is this group asking you to hate, or ostracise a group of people or behaviour?" she says.

"That would be a big red flag."

Ms Davtian says you can be involved in an online community "without joining their cult" by "maintaining healthy boundaries and practising a healthy dose of doubt and skepticism".

"Don't go all in. Take what serves you, leave the rest."

1. The group/person has the Total and Only answer. Only they have the right line, will make the revolution, solve your problems, empower you, make you loved, rich, effective, holy, etc.

2. Attempts to isolate you from existing close relationships (friends/family) and the outside world.

6. The group creates conditions of extreme stress, threat or fear (emotional and/or physical.)

9. Loaded language: strange language or jargon you initially can’t understand. Canned, repetitive phrases.

10. A hard sell for further commitment, programs or contact. If you resist, you’re selfish, ungodly, “bourgeois”, don’t believe in yourself, etc.

Basically social media is a great environment for cults to grow in, and it's really important to learn about cults and how they work and then use the block button liberally to protect yourself. If some people or a group keep posting really hateful things about a group you're a part of, block their accounts. If it starts getting to you, talk to someone outside the internet group, either in your IRL space or maybe a friend from a less hateful internet space.

Maybe kindness can pull you out of a culty group you've fallen into, maybe not. Best thing to do is to be kind to yourself and arm yourself as best you can against falling into the culty group in the first place.

It is not “coddling” to refrain from telling people “I hate you for the way you were born.”

When I say it hurts the feminist cause to consider men our enemy rather than just patriarchy itself, accusations of “coddling” are the most common response I get. I am not asking anyone to put men’s feelings over calling them out for misogyny they enact and perpetuate. I am talking about expressing sentiments in public or to men directly that you despise them for existing at all.

It’s one thing to be traumatized by sexism and vent your feelings about men amongst friends. But normalizing this as a part of mainstream feminism, making it so men have to see these sentiments when they engage with feminist content, drives them away from our movement. You can say men driven away by being openly hated never were going to be feminists in the first place, but I staunchly disagree. It says nothing about one’s views on oppression to not want to be around people who say they consider you an irredeemable monster no matter how hard you try to support them.

This is not about men’s feelings. I do feel that people should care about those too, including because as a transmasc I am extremely aware that seeing these sentiments harms trans men, such as preventing them from being out and transitioning for fear of being hated by those around them. But this is about what is effective in breaking down the structure of sexism. Excluding half the population from being our allies matters. Cis men should be able to use their privilege to shoulder some of the work of fighting sexism. How will they learn how to do so if we ostracize them?

Note: This is not saying that men who see women hating them and respond by becoming MRAs and whatnot are totally fine or women’s fault. It’s just that it is difficult for men to be vocal feminists when people base their feminism off of hating men.

[notlhecxzsa]

Never Wanted Love Just A Fancy Car - N.R

Summary: Time seemed to pass by so quickly, everything seemed to be moving past between Natasha's fingers, but would she let the only thing that seemed to be giving her everything go? It is not what she wanted anyways... right?

Author's Note: Hii! Omg, finally! I hope this is enough to fill the weeks I haven't updated, I kind of got lost and everything's piling up. But, now, I finally have a good vision on how I want this to go! This is 3k+ words.

Warnings: Starting of Mean!Natasha (ughhh, here we go), bruises, mentions of abuse, sad Y/n (give my girl back her dog and lucy!)

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3rd Person's POV:

A week has already passed by, a routine was set between Y/n and Natasha. Inside that week, Maria, Clint and the other noticed how Natasha stayed in the penthouse, which was very unusual, given that she mostly lives in the manor. They chose not to mention it around the red head, thinking that they might just be thinking too much about it.

Y/n already knows the whole penthouse by heart, keeping everything as tidy as possible even though Natasha had kept saying that she has people to do those things. Making different delicious meals for the both of them, even making extra more for Clint, Maria, Bucky and Steve whom she met on the 3rd day of being there.

Y/n's kindness and attentiveness did not go unnoticed by the people that would come and go inside the penthouse, her actions warms the head of the people around her and makes their stomach churn in a very good way.

Natasha's eyes never left the petite figure of her 'significant other' wherever she goes and whatever she does. The fluttering of her heart makes her want to throw up as the compliments from her friends about Y/n makes her eyes roll. Though, she can't deny that her friends seemed to enjoy going to the penthouse ever since Y/n came.

Late night games and movies became a thing for the past week and a half, 'addicting meals'—as to how Bucky proclaimed it to be, are always served, all while Natasha kept to herself, specifically on times when she and Y/n are not alone.

She felt a magnetic-like energy, rather work at home than to do the work she normally would choose to do. Her tongue burning to get a taste of whatever's being cooked in the kitchen. The little moments and conversation that was spent between the younger girl became something she cherished and most awaited every single day, even though she will never admit it—even to herself.

Now, at the very moment, Y/n was cooking in the kitchen while Natasha seemed to be having a very serious call on the balcony with someone. Y/n's eyes kept checking her over, eyes raking on the expressions she wear across the kitchen, to the living room and to the balcony. She wanted so badly to ask what was wrong, her inside a raging bull that kept pushing her to be there for her...wife.

Before she could even go deep inside her thoughts, the sound of the sliding door filled the air and she quickly looked down to what she was cooking. she was cooking, heavy footsteps was what it was followed, then those deep heavy sighs she's starting to get familiar with. She's stressed. Natasha is stressed.

"Are you-" She started, not even getting the chance to talk before Natasha's dominant voice went straight to her ears.

"I'm going out. Don't wait up for me. I just need to deal with something." Natasha's footsteps did not falter, not even a bit as she passed through the kitchen, leaving Y/n alone and confused, her heart and mind fighting wether should she check on the redhead or not.

This is the first time she witnessed the redhead so stressed—the first time witnessed Natasha going out to do something without even knowing what it is. Usually, there would be a follow up reason, a short explanation from Natasha without even asking. Now, she just acted so...weird. There wasn't much evidence that Y/n saw from how she just acted, but Y/n could feel it.

What happened?

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Back at the penthouse, silence enveloped the whole atmosphere as Y/n fixed the food inside the microwave, deciding to wait up for Natasha so that they could eat together. Surely, she won't be home late, right? She always gets home by dinner.

Deciding to spend her time waiting by the living room, turning on the TV to watch something. Her hand subconsciously going up to play with her ring finger, wondering when will the ceremony of their wedding will be. Her mind fantasizing how beautiful the even might be, her younger self's dreams might finally happen in just a few days.

Her mind flooded with questions. Will my parents be there? Will Lucy gonna be there? Tamtam? Her heart fluttering in excitement at the thought of the two latter. She don't know how the wedding will go, all she knows is that this is all about something between Natasha's parents and her's. But, it's a wedding, a special event, a matrimony, it has to mean something more than just a business plan, right? Right.

Even though she still has mixed feelings about her unknown relationship with Natasha, she kept learning on how to love her, that what a wife does, right? That's what they should do.

Clad in her usual clothing, leggings and a domesticated sweater with her hair up in a ponytail and strands of hair falling to the sides of her face. Her attention was swarmed by the announcement spoken by the reporter on the television.

"Stark's industry has once again published a new electronic device, setting a standardized testing all over the countries, even in Asia. But, nevertheless, we can see how Romanoff corporation is still on top of the business. Electronics, weaponry, and services for the people and the government...." A small smile made its way on her face, her heart beats with pride. She was proud. She took a mental note to congratulate the red head later, maybe that's where Natasha was going. To discuss about this, this should be something to be celebrated.

Her gaze averted down to her arm, where the sleeves of her sweater was slightly ridden up. There was a vivid bruising, already healing. Caressing it, her eyes fell into a solemn look, thinking of home. Tammy, Lucy. She just hopes they're doing good. Her parents would call her, asking how she is, spending only a minute to talk to her before the conversation is averted about Natasha.

Pulling up the sweater to check on her other bruises, she saw how the others are still visible in the eyes close-up. She hopes it will be gone soon, people might think weird of her once they notice how she only wears a sweater and cover-ups.

Too lost in her thoughts, she did not notice the ninja-like footsteps getting near her. "Y/n?..." She jumped up at the sound, looking up to see Maria with a certain look on her face, her eyes glazing over the arm that was set in front of her. "Are you okay? What happened?" Looking down, Y/n realized that the sleeves was still ridden up.

Quickly pulling it down, she stood up. "Maria! I didn't- I didn't hear you... Why are you here?" Y/n mentally slalpped herself, sounding so nervous and maybe even mean. Fiddling the hem of her sleeves, she continued, "Have you eaten already? I cooked something... I-I'm just waiting for Natalia to come home, she left earlier, by the way-just incase you're looking for her..." She trailed off, not knowing what to say anymore.

Maria's gaze stayed for a while on Y/n's covered arms that was visible a while ago. She saw it. Bruises littered on her body is what her life is all about in this business, and she can't be mistaken if she saw one. She saw the stiff shoulder of Y/n and what seemed like a tensed body, clearly having a good read that it is not something she would be open into talking about. But to Natasha, she will for sure ask about it. There's no way Natasha's hurting her?

"Yeah- no, I mean, I was just gonna pass by to bring these papers to Natasha..." Briefly holding up a briefcase in hand, Maria's gaze averted to look back into Y/n's face. "She's been spending work times here, I told her I'd just give this to her and she agreed—where is she, by the way? Did she say anything about where she was going?" Maria asked as she put the suitcase on the coffee table and sat on the couch.

Y/n stayed standing up, "Uhm... no, she left in a hurry... and she also seemed stress." Silence enveloped the atmosphere around them, Maria seemed to be in a very deep thought as her gaze glued on the television while Y/n shifted on where she was standing.

"Would you— would you like to eat, Ria?" Maria look back at the young girl, smiling at the sound of the new nickname she earned.

"What do you have there?" Standing up, they both walked towards the kitchen.

"I cooked salmon! I also did some vegetables salads, if you would like I can make you some juices." Setting up a plate, Maria frowned.

"Aren't you gonna eat too? Did you eat already?" Sitting down, she muttered a small thank you when a glass of water was set in front of her.

"No, don't worry about me. I'll wait for Natalia..." Maria's eyes squinted a little as she looked at Y/n who was taking out the food from the oven.

"Why do you keep calling her Natalia?" Maria blurted out and Y/n frowned, her movements faltering as she turned to look at Maria.

"Isn't that her name?" She questioned.

With a chuckle, Maria took a sip on her water as the food was set in front of her. "No, yeah, it is, it is. She hates that name, do you know that? We all call her Natasha." Maria explained, amusement sparking in her voice.

With a deeper frown, Y/n sat down beside her, after setting all the food that is available in front of the raven haired woman. "She hates it? Really?" With a blown confused voice, she asked. "It's just... it was what I used to call her... before. From as far as I can remember."

"Yeah... but, doesn't seem like it when you're that one calling her that..." Maria took a bit of the delicious food, just as she was about to take a second bite, her movements faltered. "Wait... before?" Looking at Y/n who was looking ahead into a space, seemingly lost in her thoughts with a faint blush creeping up on her cheeks.

"Yeah... when we were kids. She used to come in our house with her parents, but I remember only very little." She explained, looking at Maria with a small smile on her face. "Why?" Seeing the distant look on Maria's face, she asked curiously.

A blip of silence came over, the gears running inside of Maria's head seemed to be heard by the girl beside her before she clears her throat slowly. "Urhm... no, nothing. Just curious, that's all—This is so good, by the way. Might eat it all if only Natasha would not kill me." Giggling, Y/n shook her head.

"I can cook you another?" Warmth spreading in her chest, she thought how Natasha got so lucky.

"No, no, don't bother, this is all good." With a nod, Y/n settled beside Maria, conversation thrown at each other like a normal friends would do.

Y/n could only hope Natalia is fine and will come home sooner.

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3rd Person's POV:

Hours passed by and the both of them had settled by the living room, with Maria deciding to stay for a couple of more hours and Y/n now falling asleep on the couch.

Averting her gaze from the television to the young woman who had her head on her knuckles while the other hand cuddled a pillow on her lap. Maria looked down on her phone, all of her messages from Natasha popped up immediately with no reply in sight. Sighing she got up to get herself a glass of water, deciding to stay a few more minutes before heading off.

As she was pouring herself a glass of water, a sheets of colored papers along with some art materials caught her eyes. Flower papers. The same ones she saw on Natasha's glovebox. The same one she also saw on Natasha's room yesterday.

Huh. Smirking, she shook her head before the sound of the door caught her attention. It might be Natasha. Deciding to stay in the kitchen as those familiar quiet footsteps reached her ears. From where she was standing, she could still clearly see where Y/n was laying on the couch but she's not visible for anyone to see if the person walking inside will go straight in the living room.

She watched as the familar form of a red haired woman with a dominant aura walked slowly with careful steps that Maria is not familiar with approach the young woman. With furrowed eyebrows, curiosity filled her body as she watched Natasha stand still, her figure looming over the girl, just watching over her.

Slowly, a sly smirk made its way on her face as she decided to step little by little closer to the living room, coming into a view where she can see Natasha's face clearly.

There was a certain look in Natasha's face that she could not pinpoint. A certain look she'd never seen before. Now, with a frown, she thought how could Natasha not notice another presence with them? With her eyes soft and tensed at the same time, analyzing the small figure by the couch, she decided to get her attention.

"Natasha..." With an uncertainty in her voice, she called out.

Head whipping around, shoulder becoming tensed as her features falter, Natasha replied, "Maria..." Clearing her throat, she straighten up, turning on her heels and walked towards the kitchen, her eyes trailing towards the art materials present on the table. "What are you doing here?"

Watching as Natasha opened up the fridge but just stared. "I got you the files. Where did you went?" She asked.

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you not to come anymore. I'll be going back at the mansion." Closing the fridge, she went to sit on one of the stools, now looking straight into Maria's eyes, not caring how she ignored the second question.

Frowning, she asked, "What? What about Y/n?"

Natasha shrugged, "What about her? I mean, she's doing fine here...I can just check on her—you guys can check on her from time to time." Taking a sip on the beer she got from the fridge, she averted her gaze to look by the living room, her gaze immediately falling down on the young woman laying on the couch.

With a still frown, Maria couldn't help but notice how the atmosphere had shifted, now taking notice that there was something up with her friend. She know her too well not to notice it, but seeing how tensed Natasha was, she chose not to question. Questions that are already piling up after the things she had witnessed and learned today.

"Well, then, I should go now. The files are by the living room..." Turning, Maria gathered her things she left on the kitchen counter earlier.

"Thank you, Maria." Natasha said with a monotone, acknowledging the effort that was made by the woman.

With a nod, Maria walked towards the exit, but her movements faltering as she turned her head to look at Natasha who was still looking ahead. "She cooked for you..." Even with her face in a stone cold feature, Maria could see right through her. "She was waiting for you to come back."

Receiving no reply, Maria headed off, leaving Natasha in her own bubble that seemed to be going off in any moment.

As soon as the sound of the door closing in, she swallowed a heavy lump that formed in her throat, her facade falling into pieces as she took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she let it out.

As soon as she opened it, she saw a movement by the living room. Taking a large swig of the beer, she watched as the figure took notice of her presence. Those eyes that haunted her in her sleep, the same ones she craved as soon as she wakes up. Natasha made no effort in resolving her facade, watching as the young woman marched forward in the kitchen, strands of hair falling into place as she took careful steps just like what she always do, as if worrying that she might trip.

Natasha learned all her habits, the way she would tuck her hair behind her ear, how she would fiddle the ends of her sleeve as she tried to cover up her hands as if she was not covered enough with those sweaters and cardigans along with leggings and pants that seemed to be countless. The way her eyes would move everywhere when she's nervous and couldn't seemed to hold an eye contact. Many more she could not even begin to explain, and many more she could not stop thinking about.

She was held captive, and she knows it. Especially, after tonight. It was a hard pill to swallow, finally realizing that she was capable of doing something she grew up thinking she was not able to do so.

"You're home." Home. Natasha's gaze felt like she was burning holes into Y/n's eyes. "Do you wanna eat? Wait, let me just reheat it. Maria was here earlier, she got your files by the living room—oh, I also made a dessert for us, thankfully Maria did not see it inside the fridge, she would eat it all for sure." A giggle passed her soft lips, even though she was not in Natasha's view, the red head could see the smile she wanted so badly to keep from the world and own it to herself.

So that she could only see it.

So that she could only smile for her.

She was not supposed to feel like this, and that was what makes it more a bitter thing to taste.

"She's just simply the paper in between their business, Natasha. After the marriage, you and I both know she's nothing to father..."

Her facade hardened at the voice of her sister from earlier, receiving the truthful message that made everything clear for her.

She was not supposed to feel like this because that smile was never meant to be hers.

She has a mission to do, a mission for herself.

"...and you and I both know she means nothing to you..."

Standing up, everything seemed to be closing in around her. Gulping down the beer while her eyes strayed away from the one's who's trying to catch it with a confused and worrying gaze.

"I'm not hungry. You should also clean that mess up... can't have my house piling up with childish things." Pointing briefly on the art material she knew clearly well was meant to be given to her.

She was met with silence, and it was almost deafening. Walking away, her insides screamed to her the giggle earlier, craving to hear her voice filling up the air as she bid her goodnight.

Once again, a lump started to form in her throat, but this time, she can't find the strength to swallow.

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Author's note: Hope you liked it! I tried my best, really ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ I'll do better on the next one! More angst piling up in the corner, I know this seemed to be in a rush but I promise to give more on the next ones! Many peeps keeps on messaging me and piling up my asks so I just did what I can do at the moment ಠ⁠ ⁠೧⁠ ⁠ಠ thank you for reading, until next time!

[lemotmo]

okay here we go...

... I have sooooo many asks in my ask box with anons being really disappointed in the episode. It's impossible to answer each and every one of you guys. I would be answering questions until next Thursday. 😆

So I've decided to make a general post answering or addressing some of the topics you brought up in your asks.

About half of the asks was about 'copaganda' in the episode. I have to admit that this never even crossed my mind while watching, up until I started reading some asks.

As you all know, I am not American and the country I live in has a very different stance toward the police. But this is also because our police force seems to be very different from the American one. People here have to go to school for a long time to even be able to graduate as a police officer. There are very strict psychological tests as well.

The patrol officers that walk on the street also don't carry around guns of any kind. Quite often they ride around in my city by bike instead of by car. They are taught that 'violence' is always the last step. The first step is always trying to solve a situation peacefully.

When the police stops me for some reason, I don't have any kind of fear reaction. This isn't something I feel I should be concerned about in my daily life.

So yeah, while watching American TV-shows, I often just don't think about 'copaganda' unless it's really spelled out to me. It just doesn't cross my mind. Not in the way it would cross the mind of the American viewers. So I don't really mention it all that much. Next to that, I don't feel like I'm qualified to talk about this topic all that much, since I'm not a US citizen.

So, I'm just going to move on to the second half of the asks in my ask box. I feel more comfortable talking about this subject.

So the other half was mostly people sad that there wasn't enough Eddie or progress in his storyline. Or too much focus on Brad and Gerrard and not enough on the mains. Still no Chris!

And I get it. I do. There were a lot of things that could have been handled so much better, but the episode we ended up with? Well, like I said in my episode review: I liked it. It was filler, yes. But good filler. It set up new storylines and, while not very visible, it continued the existing storylines as well.

I loved seeing Buck stress-bake and gradually getting over Tommy. I love his family and friends all working together to make sure he didn't call Tommy. I loved the Maddie quote about the universe sending a special person (aka Eddie 😁). I liked the pregnancy reveal scene and the hug!🥰 I liked the Bobby hotshots storyline and the way the 118 banded together like a family again. Such great scenes.

I looooooved seeing Eddie happy and carefree again. Yes, I agree, Eddie needs to address the Chris of it all, but just let him be free for a while longer. Let him find himself first. He needs this. That being said, I do think next episode will end with him flying off to Texas to get his son back and he'll be there during hiatus, figuring himself out. When he gets back in the beginning of 8b is when his story truly begins. Though I still think we might get some kind of clue next week to tie us all over to 8b.

The only thing I didn't like was the Gerrard redemption arc. It was the wrong choice to make in my opinion, but now we're stuck with it, so I'm trying to see past that storyline for now.

I'm intrigued for next week. That call with the water and those people drowning? Another call back to Buddie's greatest NDEs hits. A talk between Brad and Eddie? Could this be about Chris? A non-cliffhanger 'cliffhanger' of some kind?

Yeah, I'm sat. I admit it. I liked what we got and I'm looking forward to next week's episode.

Nonnies, please know that I have read all your opinions and concerns about this episode and it's all very valid. They are your opinions and they matter just as much. No judgement here whatsoever.

The above is just my personal opinion. That's all. 🤷‍♀️

[lunajay33]

Why Me?

•🤎🐺🪵🍂🌑•

Summary: Bella and Y/n are twins but when Bella and Renee moved away you stayed with Charlie always growing closer with the people around La push, but when Bella comes back it’s like everything is flipped around, Bella becomes distant obsessed with the cullens, you find solace with the guys at the beach but things change after the first year and suddenly you’re all alone, will anyone come back, will Paul your best friend, your forever crush come save you from depression

Pairing: Paul Lahote x f!reader

Warnings: Depression, Rosalie, suicidal thoughts

•Masterlist•

It was a simple life in forks but I loved it this is where I’m meant to be, I can’t explain it but it calls to me, the rainy weather, the cool breeze, the calm beach at La push, even my group of friends made my life feel complete

Plus I had dad or as Bella called him, Charlie, after mom and Bella left when I was only 4 it was usually just the two of us, suppers out at the cafe or cozy nights at Jacob’s as they watched the game, I kept him a float after the devastating heart break even thought I was young, mom tried to take me with them the night everything happened but I held on to dad screaming for him to keep me, and here we are today just me and him it was perfect everything was exactly how it should be, then we got the call Bella was moving back I was nervous at first I haven’t seen her since she stopped visiting years ago

“I’ll be back later, be safe and if you go out leave a note okay sweetie?” Dad stated as he picked up the keys to his police cruiser

“Okay dad! Drive safe” we shared a hug before he left leaving me alone and anytime I was free I’d either walk through the forest behind my house or hang out at the beach with Paul or Jacob

I pulled on a coat and hiking boots heading to the over grown trees lining the backyard, the weather is not too cold but it’s still over cast, the trees are lined with a thick moss the ground littered with pine cones and varying animals tracks

Sometimes I’d find Paul trying to blow off steam out here so hopefully I’ll come across him today needing my best friend right now with all the stress I’ve been feeling about Bella’s return

After a bit more walking I heard groaning as I approached the cliff we sometimes would hang out on, I rounded a tree and saw Paul sitting there huffing and puffing, he’s always had anger issues growing up but I was always there for him and for some reason I was the only one to calm him down

Silently I sat next to him laying my head on his shoulder his arm instinctly wrapping around my waist quickly finding comfort in each others company

“Remember when we were nine and you were so angry that Jacob took my ice cream, you pushed him into a puddle and got me a new ice cream and I had to keep you calm away from Jake the rest of my party” I stated laughing remember how cute he was and that’s the day my crush on him started which grew over the years but I’d never tell him that, I can’t risk what I have with him

He sighed squeezing my hip his breathing calming down

“I couldn’t help it you were so excited all day for your ice cream and that look in your face when he took it mad me so mad, you know I hate seeing you upset”

“Don’t get soft on me Lahote” he huffed out a laugh

“What’s wrong Paul? Anything I can do to help?” I asked finally looking up at him

He looked hesitant his eyes looking anywhere but me, I drew my hand through his long beautiful black hair trying to ease his worries

“Just a lot lately, things with the older tribe members don’t worry about it, how about you Bella’s coming today you still nervous?”

“Yeah what if we’re not like how we were as kids, what if she doesn’t like me anymore I mean I know I can be a burden sometimes but I just want my sister”

“Hey what did I tell you about talking about yourself like that, she’s gonna love you and you’re not a burden why do you think the guys and everyone around you loves you?”

Sometimes when he’d get sweet talking like this it only made me love him more, feeling the blush spread across my cheeks I pushed his arm playfully trying to hide my feelings

“You’ll always be here for me right Paul, even when we both have stuff going on you’ll be here?” My hands fiddling together

“Always”

It’s been a week since Bella’s moved back and it’s been nice, we reconnected and talked before bed most nights just catching up on everything, and it was nice to have a friend at school now, I never really had friend at the forks school, I tried but no one ever bothered, plus all my friends down at La push is better than anyone here

Sitting at my usual lunch table by the windows I glance over seeing Bella with her whole new table of friends, she said she’d sit with me if it bothered me to be alone but I didn’t want to get in the way of her making new friends plus I saw how she’d rather be with them it was the perfect spot to look at the cullens, who she’d make goggly eyes at every lunch

But the day dragged on as usual but when that final bell rang I was free, I ran out the door heading straight to where Paul usually parked to pick me up but he wasn’t there which was strange he was never late

“Hey y/n do you need a ride?” Bella called from a few spots down waiting at her truck

“Oh ummm no I should be fine maybe he’s just running late” I waved her off just hoping he was okay

I sat on the stairs watching as the cars emptied the parking lot one by one till there was no one but me and the setting sun

I sighed realizing he wasn’t coming so I started walking home, once I got through the door I dialed Paul on the house phone my heart beating anxiously

The tones rang one after another but no answer so I called Jacob instead and of course he answered immediately

“Hello Black residence” his chipper voice always made me smile he was such a sweet guy

“Hi Jake it’s y/n Paul didn’t pick me up today and I was wondering do you know if he’s okay?”

“Oh no I haven’t heard…..” I heard a mumbled voice behind him then the voice changed

“Who is this?” And I recognized that voice it was Sam Uley

“Hey Sam it’s me y/n swan! Ummm sorry if I interrupted something I was just calling worried about Paul, have you seen him around?”

“Oh he’s gonna be under the weather for a while he’s caught a stomach bug, we don’t wanna risk you getting sick too”

“Can I visit just to drop off soup or something?” My heart ached knowing what he’d say

“I’m sorry honey not yet, it’ll be awhile just give him time”

“But……but he’s my best friend” my voice wavered haven’t never being apart from him for a long period of time there was this pull to him I always felt so being apart felt…….wrong

“Just give it time honey, I’ve gotta go, goodnight” and with that he hung up the phone felt heavy in my hand

I’ve seen Paul every day since he got his licence, he’s a year older so when he got it he promised to pick me up everyday to make sure I was safe, Bella can drive me now but it’s not the same after a long day I’d get in his truck and cuddle up to his side and drive down to the beach and relax

“Sweetie why are you crying?” Dad broke me out of my thoughts as he hung up the phone

“Oh it’s nothing just….pauls sick I’m just worried”

“That kid is strong he’ll be just fine” he smiled patting my shoulder before he got a soda from the fridge

The days dragged on and I thought he’d atleast pick up the phone when I called or even call me but nothing, not a word and now a month has gone by I thought I’d have Bella but she quickly became all involved with Edward Cullen, the older member of the tribe weren’t quite fond of their family they told me stories but I thought it was all just legends never thinking too much about them

So now without Bella and Paul I was alone, my world felt flipped upside down, everything use tk be perfect but now I felt ripped of who I was, I fell hollow, drained, the all crushing depression, I can’t sleep evident by the dark circles under my eyes, I can barely eat shown by the hollows covering my body and the clothes that hung on my body, I felt like I’m dying, I’m fading

I’ve never been through a break up but this can’t be how it feels this has to be something different, something more painful

School was like hell, even worse than before, Bella convinced me some days to sit with her and the cullens and Alice was always trying to cheer me up but nothing was ever permanent

I picked at my rice as Emmett bragged about how he beat Edward in a baseball game

“Still not feeling well?” Jasper asked next to me, the first time I’ve ever heard him speak

“I think somethings wrong with me, I think I’m dying” everyone stopped what they were talking about and eyes were on me but I didn’t care anymore

“Why would you say that y/n?” Alice spoke

I sighed excusing myself from the table walking away, they couldn’t understand but maybe the elders could, I called dad and he said he’d be at the school to pick me up seeing as work was going slow

A few minutes later the cruiser pulled up and I got in the front seat

“Sick again?” He asked worry written all over his face

I’ve been calling him to pick me up from school a lot, either from spells of nausea throwing up or just the overwhelming depression

“Can you take me to Emily’s?” She was like a aunt to me always so sweet and that’s what I needed right now

“Of course sweetie” the drive was silent until we pulled into the gravel drive way seeing Sam and Emily step out

“Try and relax okay, I’ll pick you up whenever you’d like just call” I managed a smile and got out seeing him drive away

I walked up the porch steps straight into Emily’s arms

“Oh honey what’s happened we haven’t seen you in so long” she said stepping back taking in my clearly broken and sick appearance, the baggy brown hoodie that use to fit relative tight and some ratty sweat pants, my hair pulled into two messy braids

“Somethings wrong Emily, I didn’t know who else to ask” finally letting the tears stream down my face, she squeezed my hands giving Sam a desperate look as she led me inside

I sat on the couch as she dropped a fluffy blanket over my legs telling Sam to make me a hot chocolate

“What’re you feeling hun? How did all this start” her voice always soothed me

“I can’t eat or sleep, I can’t feel it’s like I’m hollow inside and it hurts, not just emotionally I physically get sick all the time, dad brought me to the doctors and they say nothing is medically wrong” Sam placed the drink on the table infront of me and sat next to Emily on the couch across from me

“When did this all start?” He asked

“The day Paul left me, I know it sounds crazy but…….its likes a piece of me died when he stopped coming around” they looked at eachother with knowing looks

“You’re not crazy”

“Then what? Do you know what’s wrong with me?” I ask almost pleading

“I might, how about you and Emily catch up and rest, I’ll be back soon” and with that he left leaving me confused

The sun started setting and I didn’t want to bother Emily more that needed

“I think I’m gonna head home, thanks for having me today” I said pulling on my coat at the door

“Do you want me to call Charlie it’s a long walk hun”

“Oh no I’m…..I need some air I’ll be fine”

“Okay but be safe and call me when you get home so I know everything okay?”

“Okay Em” I faked a smile and left feeling the cool breeze hit me, but I lied theres no going home this time, I’m going to where I last had him, the cliffs

The walk was long and cold but when I finally made it the moon was shining bright over head, dropping to my knees I cried and cried until there was no more tears left

What was the point anymore he’s never coming back so this pain will never go away I feel like I’m fading away anyways

Standing up I neared the cliff edge the sea breeze blowing up from far below

“Maybe in another life I’ll find you Paul” then a quick breeze whooshed past my body opening my eyes I wasn’t at the cliff anymore but in the deep forest

Emmett Cullen right infront of me, confused and upset I step away crossing my arms over my chest

“Emmett why would you stop me, what’re you even doing here” I sigh wanting to just scream

“What the hell were you thinking, why would you try to kill yourself what about Bella what about Charlie?”

“It hurts so much Emmett can you just make it go away, I wanna be okay again”

“This isn’t suppose to happen to you, you’re suppose to be Bella’s sweet shy sister” he sighs pulling me into a tight cold hug, nothing like how it felt with Paul

“Not anymore Em”

“Do you wanna come over I can make you anything you want and I can make a cozy spot for you infront of the fire place”

“Oh I couldn’t impose like that”

“If Bella’s family now so are you” before I could agree a growl rumbled through the trees

Turning a grey wolf the size of a mini van emerged from the trees its eyes piercing at Emmett

“Emmett what do we do?” I ask scared gripping his arm

“Calm down you’ll be okay just trust me okay”

“O…okay” and the next second he was gone in the blink of an eye

He left me, I turn back to the wolf that no longer growled but was whining, getting closer it laid down infront of me nudging my leg with its snout, suddenly the fear dissapeared

I lean down and cautiously rubbed my hand through its soft fur hearing it grumble, sitting in front of it it moved forward laying its head across my lap completely covering it

“You’re quite beautiful, like a gentle giant” rubbing its fur helped sooth me bringing me back to reality of what I almost did tonight

“I can’t believe I almost ended it all tonight, he’ll come back to me soon right? I’ll be happy again someday won’t I?”

I licked at my hand whining

“He promised he wouldn’t leave me, he always said he’d protect me and he always made me happy I don’t know what to do without him”

The wolf got up motioning to get on it back and for some reason I didn’t think twice about it, hopping on I held onto its next as it made its way down the path back the way I came

Right back to Emily’s house

More parts coming soon!!

Taglist: @lilredcamaro14 @cvmtitss @larissa01-blog2

[itmeansiris]

The Solar System Legacy Challenge: Let's Clear the Air Gen 1 pt.83

M paced on the front porch. She checked the time again but only seconds had passed when it felt like hours. Beckett texted her at 7 a.m. to let her know he was headed to the station to catch his train. It was 8:45, and his train would pull in in 5 minutes. This meant he'd likely be there in 25 minutes if the Spooky Day traffic didn't hold him up. Every car that passed at the end of the street had her craning her neck, hoping it was Beckett. She was anxious to get the conversation over with.

Finally, a taxi slowed at the end of the street and stopped. The door opened and Beckett stepped out. She watched from the stairs as he closed the door, ran a hand through his wavy black hair, and started towards the house.

Nervous energy coursed through her, but she forced herself to stay on the porch. Beckett stopped when he reached the bottom step. He didn't look at her, he didn't sit. He just stood there, almost statue-like. The small puffs of air coming from his mouth were the only outward indication that he was breathing.

M: Hey Bek.

She said softly, she had a clear view of the fear and sadness in his eyes. For a while, he continued to just stand there. Finally, he seemed to break from his trance and took a seat. M crouched so she wouldn't tower over him from his position, which resulted in them being at eye level. Beckett moved down a step to give himself a reason not to look her directly, something that didn't go unnoticed by Mercury.

Beckett: I'm guessing Kason told you he saw me and Madison.

M: Yeah, but...

She paused and moved to sit on the step next to him.

M: I'm just wondering why you weren't the one to tell me about her?

Beckett: What was I supposed to say? "Hey M, I'm dating the girl you think might be screwing your husband."

She flinched at his harsh tone, it was clear he wasn't there to mince words.

M: No, but you could have come and talked to me.

He shook his head trying to stop her.

Beckett: When I learned about Madison's connection to you, you were fighting a lawsuit, trying to convince Mom to move in with you, publishing your next series, and working on your marriage. How could I add anything extra to your plate?

M: While I see your point and appreciate you thinking about me, this was just as important. Look at how it affected us. You've been avoiding my calls and hiding parts of your life. I tried to call and tell you about Mom, I even wanted to tell you about the lawsuit. Watcher knows I never wanted you to find out about any of this online, but look at how not talking about it has pulled us apart. It would have been worth the added stress at the time if it had saved us the heartache later. Just tell me what you know.

Though he'd been trying to look out for his older sister, as usual M was right. They never kept things from each other, yet when it mattered the most he'd been too afraid to tell her the truth. Sitting with her now he realized, he should have known better. M had always been in his corner right, wrong, or indifferent and it seemed that hadn't changed.

Beckett: I know that Madison is your biggest fan and that she and Kason met at the Pawspital, that's where the first picture came from. I know they met again with Takara to plan an event for the release of "Court of the Slumbering Fae" which was the same day we meet, which accounts for both photos. I'm also aware that she didn't take those pictures nor was she having an affair with Kason.

M: Did she tell you where the photos came from?

She asked with a dubious expression.

Beckett: You mean did she tell me about Paris.

He retorted. M recognized the malice in his tone. It was identical to how she sounded whenever she was forced to mention Paris by name.

M: I'll take that as a yes.

Beckett: She's done some awful things M. She's used and abused Madison and so many other people. You can't even fathom some of the things Madison has been through because of Paris. I won't make excuses for Madison not being upfront with Kason about her friendship with Paris, but I swear to the watcher M, she never meant for anyone to get hurt, especially not you two. She's been following your work since she was thirteen, owns all your books, and has so much respect for Kason and your marriage. I'm just hoping you won't hold this against her. I really like her M, and if you give her a chance I think you'll like her too.

For a while, the only sounds were dogs barking at the park up the street and the soft morning breeze blowing through the last of the autumn leaves.

M: Even if I did hate her, how could I stay mad after a speech like that.

Beckett: I kind of wish I was exaggerating. Sometimes I think she likes you more than me.

M looked at him with a crease in her brow.

Beckett: Don't worry, I had that thought too, after I found out she was a fan, but I'm sure we're good.

Her shoulders sagged forward in relief.

M: Good, I just want you to be happy Bek. I don't want this to come between us. I don't hate her, just to clear the air. I don't know her, but I'd like to get the chance to. There's so much buzz about the two of us and we haven't even had a chance to meet. You, Takara, and Kason, at first, all felt she was an amazing person. I won't let Paris’ bad behavior determine how the relationship between me and her develops. I don't want her nonsense to plague our relationship either, we're siblings, and nothing comes before that.

Beckett stood from his place on the stairs.

Beckett: Never! I swear to the watcher I would have told you myself M. I just needed to find the right time, I didn't want to risk upsetting you or Kason. It would have only made Madison uncomfortable about our relationship and further complicated things, but I never meant to cut you out M. I’m sorry.

M: Now you don't have to worry. I love you, Beckett.

Beckett: I love you too Mercury.

Her loving smile turned into a wicked grin as she folded her arms.

M: So, she's my biggest fan huh? Because we mailed a pre-released copy of "Court of the Slumbering Fae" to my biggest fan. Her name is Elucea Glynnan. Her fiance reached out and we managed to get a copy sent to Chestnut Ridge for her.

Beckett: I assure you she's-

M: Her fiance sent us a photo of the pages and tabs falling out of her copies of "Journals of a Werewolf".

Beckett: Okay, fine. We'll agree to a close second. She's your second biggest fan.

He relented and her smile grew more cocky.

M: Aaanndd now that's settled, you so owe me.

Beckett: Wow, that was quick. Is that the reason you were so understanding?

M: I'm hurt you would even say something like that, it was only the third reason not the first. So, invite Madison to the party or I'll tell Mom you were out here swearing to the watcher religiously!

Beckett laughed.

Beckett: That’s cruel. She really is in San Myshuno. She came yesterday to see me and stayed to visit her mom. Apparently, she's really into Spooky Day.

M pouted.

M: Fine. But Harvestfest is non-negotiable so let her know from now.

Beckett: Let us see if she regrets being the number TWO fan when she sees how bossy you are.

M: Chop, chop. We have a festival to get ready for.

Previous Next

Beginning

Sidebar: Thank you so much @hashimasims for letting me include El into our world. We love her and hope that M will continue to be her favorite author and we can send her more books in the future.

Pose: @elen-shine conversation on the stairs. starrysimsie emotions.

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Okay challenge mode. You are a therapist and Eridan Ampora from Homestuck has just walked right out of his intro page into your office. How do you fix him?

put him and karkat in a room with a pile of stuff and tell them they can't leave until they've jumped into it and talked about their feelings

[spaciebabie]

you get ta college and realize that everybody here is just Some Guy™ and has been Some Guy™ for their whole lives. the veteran seniors are having breakdowns right next ta the freshmen in the library, our final essays for the semester are started and finished two days b4 its supposed ta b turned in and all our rough drafts look like somebody rubbed 3 braincells on a google doc and then puked on it

[rosenfey]

things that are hard to find: writing advice that isn't condescending.

[zhongrin]

it's hackathon week next week and there are so many things i need to do (passport renewal, accommodation stuff, dental appointments, packing for flight, chores, etc), so i apologize if i'm kind of inactive or off in this blog or discord!!

[skippingseaglass]

chat i think this is why they say that social media is bad for people

[averlym]

[sunblazes]

I could talk for a whillee abt how good I think family in flames was in fh s1

[rowenabean]

.

[moonsidesong]

nobody here really cares about my object show opinions im sure but just to toss my Coin Opinion into the Hat Internet. feel like its weird to try and paint cabby as wrong for spending so much time taking notes on people when it was established not too long ago that she cant remember most things if she doesnt write them down

[creative-hanyou-girl]

If the PJO show gets renewed for future seasons, I really hope the audience doesn't give the child actors crap for being a little older than their characters in the show. I'm already seeing some people be like "they better film season 2 and 3 ASAP NOW!!!!" and like, I get that as fans you want the characters to still pass as certain ages, but its neither the child actors nor the PJO crew's fault if things get delayed a bit, especially when they haven't even been given the greenlight to film yet.

And another thing: I don't want the cast and crew to feel pressured by being on a deadline, whether its given by Disney themselves or by the audience pressuring them to start filming as soon as possible. Especially the child actors like Walker, Leah, and Aryan. We've seen on how deadlines can affect the overall quality or payoff of a piece of media with Frozen 2. But more importantly is the fact that the cast and crew have lives OUTSIDE of PJO and television that they deserve to experience. They are not machines who exist purely for us, the fans', own benefit. Especially the child actors.

I think it'd be great if we could get a season 2 or 3 renewed soon, but I also know that the PJO people can't do much until given the greenlight. Walker, Leah, and Aryan can't help that they are growing up. And again, putting deadlines on the cast and crew can really effect the quality of a season, as well as be very stressful on said cast and crew, especially the younger actors.

To put it short, be kind guys. If the show is renewed, be kind to the young actors and don't give them crap for being like, 1 or 2 years older than the characters they are portraying. They can't help the fact that they are growing up. And putting a deadline on them and the PJO staff would just add more stress on everyone involved and can effect the quality of the end result. Again, they've all got lives outside of PJO and TV too, and deserve to experience those lives without pressure from fans.

[peapod20001]

Did sleeping help

No </3