#And that's fine bc it's really not something you can truly get if you haven't gone through it yourself

[hauntzbin]

i feel like it's pretty safe to assume the people who say Chaggie is toxic because of Vaggie's attachment to Charlie haven't really been deeply in love before, especially not in a situation where their partner literally saved their life.

Sure a dynamic like that could go sour if you become too overbearing/demanding or controlling out of fear of losing them, but Vaggie is very obviously not that?

I can't exactly put the feeling into words, it's sort of a situation you have to experience in order to understand. But when you owe someone your life, especially when it feels that person is also your soulmate, of course you dedicate the rest of it to making them happy and giving unyielding support. Of course you feel like you owe them the world, because they're your whole world and the only reason you're even still here.

Yes it can create a power imbalance and your partner could take advantage of the obsessive loyalty that level of dependency breeds, but Charlie chooses not to because shes not abusive and she respects and loves vaggie.

Charlie recognizes that Vaggie has self worth issues and places her value in how useful she is to her, and instead of making it into a toxic situation charlie takes the time to reassure vaggie that she doesn't need to be 'proving' herself and that she is loved and valued as she is.

[symp4nat]

"Even Aphrodite envies you."

clarisse la rue x fem!reader

authors note: post 10 pm cry write guys i need to pee, this is a vent fic. also, headcanon that you call clarisse "risse" pronouned Reese bc awwwwwww

summary - you talk about ur body negatively

warnings - talk about body image, over excercizing, not eating/skipping meals, descriptions of body, flashbacks, itty bitty mentions of praying to not greek gods

Thud.

I wasn't enough.

Thwap.

"You need to work out, you're getting too big, and you're only 14," my mother said. I gulped and sat down. "Can we just... pray," I asked. "You need to fix it, usually, girls your age are body conscious.... haven't you seen [friend's name]? That was such a transformation," my dad said.

Thump.

"She lost so much weight, Y/N/N, why don't you do the same? Most people will do things when they see their friends are doing it," my mother said.

Thomp. My mother put her hand on my shoulder-

I went to punch the person who put their hand on me. They caught my hand and I sighed as I saw it was my girlfriend. Clarisse grabbed both of my hands and rubbed my knuckles. "How about we take a break, hm?"

I shook my head. I had to do this.

"Please, no more boxing for the day, you've been overworking yourself," she continued. "Risse, I'm fine.. I've got this," I reassured her.

"Just please, you've been boxing for at least two hours, maybe take a break, okay," she squeezed my hands and walked off. I sighed and went to the archery range.

I grabbed a fairly sized bow and then a set of arrows. I began to shoot around, not necessarily being good at it.

Thwip.

"Y/n, why'd you get new clothes, your old ones were cute," my friends exclaimed. I shrugged. "No need for old clothes..."

Thwap.

"Why don't we all go for a run, some of us need it," my friends said. I looked down and said, "We aren't all wearing tennis shoes."

Shhhk!

They never necessarily spoke much about my own weight, but they all weighed less than me and called themselves fat. They all were skinny or at least average.

"Y/n/n? Please, go rest, I bet you're tired," Clarisse sighed as she noticed me at the archery range. "I'm fine," I defended. "Go get some lunch, or I'll get some for you," she said. I shook my head. "I got it. Thanks, babe," I said.

-

"C'mon, angel, wanna sit on my lap, maybe take a nap," Clarisse asked. I laughed and shook my head, "You rhymed. And, no, it's... alright.."

Clarisse's eyes became sympathetic. "Baby, is it because this," she asked as you placed her hands on what she called my "love handles" and my hip dips. I looked down and shrugged.

"Baby, that isn't a big deal, you're truly beautiful... do- do you not believe me," Clarisse asked. She pulled me onto her lap and I looked down at my hands. "Hey, eyes on me," she said.

My eyes darted back up to hers and she said, "Would you like to know something really cool?" I nodded and she continued, "I think.. no- I know... That even Aphrodite would be jealous of your beauty."

My eyes began to fill with tears as I buried my head into her neck. "I love you, I don't deserve you," I said as tears stained her shirt. "I love you most, and yes you do, okay? You absolutely do, pretty girl," she said gently to me as her hands relaxed on my hips.

She leaned back on the bed and pulled me back so I could lay on top of her. "I doubt you wanna talk about it later... but how about we nap for now? And just... please... never... over exercise or over work yourself, angel," I nodded as she spoke and closed my eyes. There wasn't anything I could have done to have just to have someone as caring and supporting her.

[chainelunaire]

how we fight each other

gojo satoru

starts an argument unknowingly. he usually just says some random shit out of nowhere, which might leave you speechless. is ready to appologize if asked for, but rarely fully understands the reason behind. however, he doesn't like the tension, so he's willing to compromise. has a trauma regarding fighting with someone dear to him. during fight, is either calm and collected or relaxed and playful, which is somethimes infuriating. he might sound cruel (unintentionally, but it feels personal, bc of his sharp tongue). in general really doesn't like arguments, would like to avoid them at all but he sort of can't stop his mouth from spewing shit. most of the times he's pretty chill and peaceful, he doesn't just go around looking for someone to annoy (if you're not nanami, of course). fights with him are about stupid little things, mostly chores or something like that. he rarely engages in something serious, he refuses to and he will avoid it like a vampire avoids garlic. because of this behaviour, sometimes he might seem distant or secretitive, but he's really not. actually he's kind of a sweetheart, he never truly gets mad and feels bad after. he's usually the one to make a first move and make up. does not hold grudges, very forgiving, even if you really hurt him during a fight.

geto suguru

complete opposite. it's impossible to have an argument with him about something as stupid as who cleans the kitchen next, he won't engage and simply do it himself. will appologize for things he haven't even done, all in order to keep peace (mark that part). he won't let you to start a fight either, he's a great mediator. hates the idea that you are mad or upset with him, is very dependant on others opinion of him. takes time to understand your reasoning, is compassionate, and he's in general careful with words, so if it is an argument, it is for sure a serious one. he has some issues with anger managment and he feels weak if he feels anger, so he prefers to avoid conflict at all costs. he might go like that for literal weeks, if not months, until the bubble finally pops. it takes a lot for him to be truly angry and start a fight. he's taking it very seriously, even if he has that relaxed and cold demeanor. everything he says is very intentional, so if it hurts, do not second guess it - he wanted it to hurt. will remind you of everything he's done for you and hold it over your head (remember i told you that?). is the type to end relationship over one argument. he also holds grudges, even tho he refuses to acknowledge that.

nanami kento

actually, he's kind of easy to get into an argument with, but it's because he's usually very tired and therefore easily irritated. he doesn't like that part of him, when he lashes out. he prefers to avoid conflict until he literally can't anymore. he sounds more pained than angry, it feels like he's desperate and just wants it to end (he does want it to end). easily appologizes, each time genuine. he's also careful with his words even when he's angry, but unlike geto, he doesn't want to hurt you in the process. fights drain him out to an extent even sorcery can not. kind of willing take all the blame, if it means this all will end. could piss you off with his selflessness, because sometimes this could be something really important to you, and it feels like he would choose to end your relationship rather than listen to your complains. he wants to, he really does, but he rarely is able to do so bc of how worn out he is. however, when he's rested and has more clear mind, it's almost impossible to have an argument with him. he's perfectly able to talk things out calmly. just don't start anything when he's right back from work, please, and you'll be fine.

fushiguro toji

you would be surprised, but he's very difficult to have an argument with. mostly because of how absent he can be, when he senses trouble, and oh he senses it from very very far away. he'll be back when you cooled off and will play it off like it was nothing. very hard to corner, it's practically impossible to talk things through with him. but, if you somehow manage to do that, you will be surprised again at how calm and collected he could be. you want to talk about things - okay, he will, do not complain later, because he warned you. he's won't show any empathy towards you. everything he says is calculated and very rational, he's also has almost godly patience (thanks to his past with zenin clan, he can go very far with being the last sane person in the room). it doesn't even feel like an argument, it's very one-sided with you being hurt and him complitely unaffected. he's not even mad. if you want to say something, let it be something very logical and rational, so he can take it into account. otherwise, he simply won't listen. you want to hear his side - fine, perfect, but he won't compromise in any way if everything you have is just your emotions. he has his reasons to behave like this, it's either you accept it or you suggest something more effective (from his perspective of course). and don't cry. god forbid you start crying.

ryomen sukuna

another anomaly. even tho he's not easily pissed off, fights with him are frequent. not because of you, but because he enjoys to annoy the hell out of you just for fun. the more aggressive you get, the better. absolute win if you cry out of helplessness, since you can't physically shut him up. but he rarely means anything with all the shit he throws your way, it's mostly because he's bored. like gojo, he's usually chill and peaceful, when he's in a good mood - and he's rarely in a bad mood. however, unlike with others, he has a twisted mind, and he himself is a sadist, so his good mood doesn't really apply to yours. but, these are still some small petty fights, which are not even considered as such in his mind, it's more of a playful (almost loving, from his perspective) banter. when he's not bored (when he's somewhere near actual battlefield, for instance) he's very calm, dare i say, serene. when he's not mocking or teasing you, there's nothing to fight about. if you want to fight back and have your revenge, well, mostly likely you won't. to hurt him - to really hurt him deep inside - you need to be at least mentally on his level. he usually just laughs everything off, if notices at all. for him to listen to you takes a lot of effort from your side. your words won't sting if you can't see through him, and to do that you need to match his intelligence and share his worldview. the only way not to get hurt by him is when he respects you. and it's easier said than done.

[thatoneandlonelyemo2005]

Some background info for this one!

The punks have this place that is like the lodge but its a car shop with a building connected to it where they all live or stay if their home isn't as good as the others

Also, they all ride motorcycles bc I said so and there just cool like that. BUT here's sprace who is the first couple to get together before Javid was even thinking about each other

-

"Do you even know how good you have it?" Race snapped. 

"What are you talking about?"

Race shook his head, Jack wouldn't know what it was like.. Or even would know about Spot or how Race feels. Jack has no idea but Race yearns, he wants, he needs more. “You wouldn’t understand!” Race yelled at him. Then he turned around and left.

He ignored his phone and planned all night long how to go up to Spot the next day. Although he was thoughtful enough that he wasn’t gonna do it in school. He was gonna do it after. 

Race parked his car in the lot and marched up to Spot at the car shop, crossing his arms, "We need to talk, Conlon." He also wasn’t trying not to think of Spot looking hot with oil stains, the other punks just staring with a look as they watched Spot walk towards him. 

Spot cleaned his hands a bit with a rag and half glaring at him as he stands up and they go a few paces away, "You know you're supposed to text me when you wanna see me. "

"Well I don't wanna do that no more. I just- I want to be able to see you when it's not the middle of the night, Sean."

Spot rolls his eyes, "Yeah well you know why we can't-" 

"Screw the labels! Haven't you've see Jack and David lately."

Spot almost hisses out. "Well just because Jackie boy doesn't care about his reputation doesn't mean I have to either. If you're not happy with this you don't have to keep seeing me."

Race eyebrows shot up, "So our time together meant nothing! What the hell did we do that for? Did you just want sex!? God maybe the labels are right, maybe you guys are nothing but horrible sex driven punks!" 

Spot clenches his teeth, genuinely hurt at the words but not wanting to show it. "It didn't mean nothing.", he almost whispered. "But I can't risk it." 

"So I'm not important enough. Will never be, it'll always be your rep first, huh, Spot?"

"You don't know what you're talking about!" He snapped, "You're not on the bottom of the food chain Racer! You'll always be safe since you're popular, I'm a punk, no one likes us!"

"Then let me help you, we can be stronger together-" 

"I first need to be strong for the others, we can't show weakness, Racer. They need someone to protect them-" 

"And who'll protect you?", Race yells, shoving him. "Who'll protect you when you do dangerous shit or insist you have to do everything alone?"

"Maybe I don't want your help! Or anyones for that matter. Maybe I want to be alone!" 

Race just stares at him for a moment, he swallows, "Alright fine then, you want to be alone then fucking be alone you punk!"

Spot is too stunned to react when Race actually reals back and punches him in the face. He wasn't sure if he'd ever done that to anyone, if he'd ever seen Race get physical instead of just mouthing people off, and he knew this was deeply personal, that he'd hurt the popular boy more than he'd even let on. "I thought we had something.", he spat before turning around and leaving Spot, now truly alone.

Spot watches as Race gets in his car, he speeds off leaving Spot on the ground. 

"Spot what's going on?!" Blink asked while running to him, "Shit your nose!" 

Spot lifted the back of his hand to his nose and there was blood. Race had finally punched him

He let Blink hand him a rag to stop the blood from getting to his clothes and walked back, not stopping at anyone's calls for him, going straight into one of the washrooms, gripping the porcelain of one of the sinks, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He felt tears well up in his eyes, his breathing getting shallow. Had he really just done that? Had he pushed the only good thing he'd had in so long away forever?

Spot slid down the wall and pulled his legs up to his chest. He felt a panic surge in him and couldn't help but wish for Race to hold him. Biting his lip as a few tears fell from his eyes. "God damnit Race!" He quickly wiped his eyes and ran out the door towards his motorcycle. 

An arm grabbed onto him and Spot turned to see Skittery. "Spot! Where the hell are you going?" 

"Yeah we got a car to fix up." Blink walked up behind him. 

Spot ripped his arm out of his grasp, "Let me go! Screw the car. I gotta find Race."

He wasn't sure if they'd assume that he was going to soak him or whatever else, but he couldn't leave Race like this, he had to... he had to go and apologize, beg him to take him back if he had to. Spot jumped on his bike and sped to the direction of Race's house, not sure if he'd be there or not, but it was at least the first place he wanted to check. Not seeing Racetrack's car he kept driving, to the one place where he hoped Race would go now.

Spot zoomed up the hill towards their spot. It was a bit out of the town but enough where they weren't so far away. As he went up the last curve he saw Race's car. Spot hit the breaks and slowed to a stop, killing the engine and started to look for him, "Race! Race please I'm sorry..."

Spot's shoulders sagged in relief when he saw Race sitting on one of the benches in the pavilion, knees pulled up to his chest. At least he was safe. Quietly, he walked to the pavilion, sitting down on a bench across from Race, not wanting to piss him off further. 

"What do you want.", snapped Race, not looking at him, instead glaring into the city after the cliff.

"To apologize."

"Maybe I don't want your apologies." Race mocked Spots words. Spot stayed silent trying to set him off. Race sniffled and rubbed his eyes. "Just yet out of here, not like you care anyways." 

"But I do care Antonio, I shouldn't have lashed out at you. I wasn't thinking. I was only thinking of myself and my reputation and I shouldn't have done that, it's wrong."

"Careful, if you keep doing that someone might think you care. You ain't getting more sex from me, if that's all you're after, so fuck off." Race just curled tighter in on himself 

Spot thought it might be time he stood up and got closer to him. That made Race look at him at least-or rather glare. He knelt down in front of Race, completely getting rid of any mask hiding his emotions, just showing how much he already missed the other boy, how he'd cried, how much he secretly loved him. "Antonio, I'm sorry, I was scared. Scared of what other people'd think of what they'd do to you. I'm not popular and I don't want you to lose what you have."

"I don't care if I lose everything! I just want you Sean!" He screamed out before thinking. The sound echoed off the ceiling a little and it gave Spot goosebumps."I-I just want you Sean." Races eyes begin to fill with tears, "I really don't care about school okay, I just wanna show off my boyfriend like Jack and David do now."

Spot scooted closer and took his hands in his. "Okay. Okay we can do that. If you really want people to know then we can start making out in the hallways startin' tomorrow." Race laughed and tugged at his hands, wanting him up on the bench. Sitting next to each other now, Race's feet on the ground again, he leant forward to finally kiss Spot again, one hand in his blond hair, the other in his leather jacket. Spot didn't hesitate a moment with kissing him back, his hands on his hips.

Race kissed him and turned his head to the side. Tightening his hold in his hair. He broke for air and kissed Spot's cheek, "Sean..." 

"Yes?" Spot kissed his jaw.

"You really mean it? Everything you said about not caring what others think." He felt anxiety spike in him. 

Spot pushed away and looked into Race's eyes, "Every word I said is true okay. I want to be with you." Race didn't answer and instantly surged forward to capture his lips into a passionate kiss.

Spot had no idea how he ever could have thought that he could live without this, without Race, without him to show him the world wasn't completely terrible and to make him feel normal, not like someone who had to hold the world together, not like a failure, just like Sean. He leaned back again, just enough so he could talk against Race's lips. "I love you, Tony." 

The other's eyes widened, but soon enough he smiled widely, hugging him close. "Love you too, you idiot."

-

@chaosfairy18 your boys are back<3

[serenityfails]

early stage DATV thoughts

okay well first off here's my sweet baby angel Rin

smooch smooch smooch smooch smooch i love you little bouncing baby elf

kissy kissy mwah mwah mwah

baby.

i failed to get screens of bren before i left the cc because i was hitting the wrong screencap button. i deserve only death.

okay now the rest of the game.

i truly am withholding judgment until i get further in because i know i am in the very early part of the game. i've only gotten harding, neve, bellara, and lucanis so far. i can sense that they are keeping you pretty tightly on the rails and slowly drip-feeding tutorial shit throughout until you get everyone. that's fine, sure.

howeveerrrrr i am not a huge fan of the feel of this on-the-rails section. it feels............ mobile game-y. and i think part of that is the art style in varric's narration sections? they're trying to riff on nick thornborrow's very distinct art style that we saw previously in the games and of which i am a big fan and the replacement art style is like.... murder mystery match 3. i don't like it.

i'm trying to unclench and lean into minrathous being more futuristic and like, ye olde cyberpunke, but i'm not quite used to the slickness of it all yet. it doesn't feel dragon agey. this is something i might get over in time, or i might not. i'll wait and see.

i also don't find the music very distinctive but hans zimmer is imo a deeply boring composer. i miss u inquisition ost...

so far all the dialogue and characters also feel very flat. i am also hoping this is just because i am still stuck in the world's longest tutorial section and that they'll start to ease into being people instead of exposition dispensers soon. i know there's always the section at the beginning where they have to act like people regularly explain known facts about the world to everyone. it just feels particularly glaring here for some reason. like how many times is harding gonna bark something completely obvious at me. i heard you the first five times and also the tone indicators on the screen seem to think i'm an idiot robot who doesn't understand dialogue and feels the need to summarize every cutscene for me.

that aspect is really sticking in my craw bc the thing i LIKE about dragon age is that it lets you draw your own conclusions about what the characters say and what they're trying to convey to you when they say it, i don't want some fucking subtitle being like BY THE WAY HERE'S THE SUBTEXT OF THIS SCENE, shut the fuck uUUuuup

neve is hot but her affect is very flat and i haven't found the hook for her character that's made me interested in her yet. i like lucanis more than i thought i would, but i did just meet him. bellara gets on my nerves but i'm trying to give her time to cook. harding never struck me as an "interested in dwarven lore" person so i am also waiting to see where that goes.

so far the character i like most is.... my Rook. lmao

i sound like a negative nancy rn but i do like the mage combat gameplay despite being bad at video game combat. it's really fun. dagger and orb forever. also the game is reeeeeally pretty. i think the faces don't always look great in motion and the lip flaps seem mushy delivering the dialogue but you know what it still looks better than like any of the other games so whatever. the hair is so whooshy. can't believe they finally did it, the absolute madlads

all right i should probably sleep or something. will continue to Ponder as i play

[creabirds]

just binged the max/charles accidental mating fic and i am loving it. do you know when you'll next update it 👀

no, sorry :(

i will use this ask to go on a little author/fanfic writing rant please be warned (not particularly @ you anon)

i find myself kind of put under pressure by people demanding again and again i continue this series especially as i am currently in the midst of a different project that i've put a lot of thought and work into, much more than the quick pwp that is the abo series. i really appreciate how much this series is loved and obviously it is nice to see you guys still comment on it!!!! but i find it much more encouraging to see comments simply telling me youve enjoyed it instead of asking for more parts... obviously i would love to continue it and bring it to a somewhat satisfying conclusion. i am very much a completionist, so no i do not plan to abandon it, but it is getting kind of exhausting

i haven't said anything until now bc i feel kind of ungrateful or like it's unfair but it's been actually doing the opposite and turning me off from continuing to write this series bc it feels like i have to and like people don't care about the other stuff i've written or am currently writing

after all this is just something i do in my own time for fun, for free (!!!), that takes probably 20 times the amount of time to produce than it takes for you guys to read and i struggle finding time and motivation to write as is

a much more productive and encouraging way to inspire authors (i'll make a generalization here, obv everyone is different) to continue work on a project is to engage with it meaningfully!! give me ideas, things you want to see explored in future parts, things you especially loved about the existing ones, ask questions about things. be nice, be enthusiastic!!! fandom is an interactive space and it brings me so much joy to converse over fanwork if i get the sense that people truly appreciate it and want to talk to me about it rather than just demanding more more more

obviously it is fine to tell authors you would love to read the next part in a series, or a sequel, i do that too sometimes!! but there is something to be said for how you say it (again, not @ you specifically anon) and how you package it. it should be more of a side note, rather than the entire message, if that makes sense.

i can't fully pinpoint why it's been bothering me so much but i think this is the best way i can describe it and i really do hope you understand that this is not me complaining about people not complimenting my work in the correct way or whatever. truly, you can say anything you want, you can critique it, whatever, it's all fair game because i do choose to post it publicly online.

however, this is me kindly asking you not to do that, if anything because it is not having the intended effect lmao. so it's in your best interest if you want me to continue this series, maybe think about what i've said and try to understand where i'm coming from.

in general fandom and fanfic culture is moving into a very consumerist direction that i am not particularly enjoying and this is part of that discourse in a larger sense.

i'm just here to have fun and brainrot!!! so lets just do that together instead of pressuring people.

[oneforthemunny]

Hiii Munster! 🎃 I love how passionate you are about Eddie's characterization and I wanted your thoughts on a headcanon that's been pinging around my head for a while. I know you do other Eddie versions (and I'm happy to hear about them too!!) but at his core, what's canon Eddie's spice tolerance? Because we only really saw him eat pretzels and Spaghetti O's so it's not like we have a real basis for his palette lol. I can't decide between whether he'd have plain tastebuds or be the type of boy to add hotsauce to something that's already spicy.

Lame thoughts, I know! But it's the little things I always wonder about when expanding on Eddie. I'd love to hear what you think (or if you have any headcanons you haven't expanded on yet that you want to discuss). Hope you're have a good week!

munster ahhh!!! that makes my heart so happy lol <3 not a lame question at all! i love learning little niche things about the characters, makes them feel more real.

older!eddie so this is kinda random but he has a spice tolerance that's not very high but is high for certain things. like chicken wings lmao. he can take the heat on some wings (just a little bc his stomach hurts) but like truly spicy food- real spicy food, fuck no.

rockstar!eddie has a very high tolerance, and i really think it's from traveling as much as he does. whether it was touring or later in life, he always wants to really experience different cultures and one of the best ways is through food for him. his is built up over time and he can handle all different levels and types of spice.

cowboy!eddie absolutely can not. like a jalepeno has him sweating and acting a fool bc it's "so fuckin' spicy". sometimes chili is too much for him if someone uses too much seasoning lmao.

bouncer!eddie... i don't know why but it just feels very niche for him to be able to handle any spice idk. like he genuinely can't taste the heat is like unbothered and everyone is floored??? he's a mystery of a human being fr.

dom!eddie can handle like pepper kind of spicy but not spices if that makes sense? if it's a vegetable ok fine, but if you season it and it's spicy he's gonna pass out or cry bc it's too hot.

mafia!eddie doesn't really like spicy. he can take it a little but he just doesn't seek it out. doesn't like bland food by any means, but doesn't like super spicy. likes that happy medium in the middle.

modern!eddie can't handle it very well, but forces himself too. he'll be sobbing trying to eat something that's so spicy, panting and drinking milk, but he won't stop. "it's so good, my mouth is just on fire." type vibe bc he's a lunatic.

janitor!eddie i feel like is pretty versatile depending on just how hot and spicy it is. like a medium type level on everything is what he prefers when he likes spicy food, but he's not like a person who eats spicy food a lot. more of a when he gets a craving guy.

[booksandpaperss]

kind of obsessed with the fact you've slowly gotten more blatant with heartstopper hate lmfao😭 it's like. fine to me it's cute but NOTHING SERIOUS IS EVER GOING ON so I gotta be in a really specific mood for it I still haven't watched s2. definitely couldn't be a fixation. and everyone fucking loves it it's the best thing since sliced bread and I'm like. why tho. and then any critique of it is sorta dumbed down to "oh you just don't like how sweet it is but teenagers deserve sweet romance" like ok but why's it gotta be boring though. and too healthy like beyond normal levels of healthy. like this is missing even the usual human levels of miscommunication. and it gets resolved too easy. sorry this was supposed to cut off 4 sentences ago I'm realizing now in your inbox that I apparently have beef with heartstopper

LKSSJJSJS LISTEN listen. I don’t even hate it. truly. I even genuinely enjoyed myself during the nick and Charlie parts bc that’s the part that thought is actually put into. I just hate how much everyone loves it so blindly

honestly my biggest beef with it is that it’s marketed and treated as the most genuine and diverse groundbreaking queer storyline there is when that’s literally so far from true and it really really shows ppls true colors when they think this bc the sapphics and POC are literal props it’s actually absurd for a show that’s supposed to be a safe space for queer ppl

and god do I hate that part of the reason it’s so popular is bc it portrays these queer teenagers as never having a single, physical thought in their entire life. there was this whole plot centered around one single hickey that Charlie had??? and something abt the physical attraction portion of it all, which they did try to show btw, felt disingenuous to me. and I know that’s why it’s so palatable to a mainstream audience and it pisses me off and again it just doesn’t feel genuine. which is ironically one of the main arguments against heartstopper criticism: “it’s not cringe it’s just earnest” when yeah maybe it’s Trying to be earnest but when u look at it from more than a surface level lens it’s not rlly succeeding

and I know the aroace storyline in season 2 with Isaac resonated with a lot of people and I think that’s wonderful, and I actually do think that was something that was done well, but how can you have a storyline around asexuality when you don’t show the contrast in how it is being an allosexual queer person. there was a whole lot of romantic attraction going on but even more tip toeing around the sexual attraction aspect. and I don’t expect it to be like sex education for example in terms of the focus on sex obv , but the lack of acknowledgment of that aspect of the queer experience paired with how much the uwu wholesomeness of it all is played up rlly rubs me the wrong way. once again: it feels dishonest

I was actually talking about this with one of my mutuals the other day and they pointed out that it is very plain that alice olseman did not consult a single queer man in the writers room. and if someone can prove this wrong be my guest but I rlly don’t think the whole physical attraction component would have been done so badly had an actual queer man been on the team. feels kind of like back in summer 2022 when byler shippers would literally shun and harass anyone who even implied that Will’s feelings for Mike probably included physical attraction meanwhile Noah Schnapp himself was making jokes about it bc he’s an actual gay teenager.

not gonna even get into right now how Tara and darcy felt even more like props this season than in the last one and I didn’t even like watching their scenes bc the writing itself felt performative. that’s a whole other post.

and man, wouldn’t it have been so nice if there had actually been people of color in that writers room. On a purely surface level heartstopper has a very diverse cast but once again, peel away even one layer and you realize it’s a bunch of tokenism, which brings me full circle back to my original point: you can’t say it’s peak representation and diversity when it’s whitewashed as hell and doesn’t gaf abt sapphics despite literally being written by one. guess she chose her whiteness over her queerness even when writing a queer story which wowwww sooooo original.

okayyyy anyways did NOT mean to write a whole essay but u discovering ur own beef reminded me of mine lmaooo

all of this was to say that basically I’m not gonna pretend I didn’t enjoy myself during parts of the show, and I don’t wanna shame ppl for liking it that is not at all what I’m trying to do here, it has its own place in queer media and if a show like this came out in like 2010 it would be groundbreaking despite its issues (but again it’s literally 2023 do fucking better) , but I take issue with people treating it like something it’s not and with the amount of love it gets I feel like I have to be really loud about my criticism of it, especially bc usually the criticism of the show that gets any attention isn’t even slandering it for the right reasons and like. if ur gonna hate on something queer and popular do it right

oh and heartstopper writers? maybe try speaking with an actual teenager once in your life before writing their dialogue they do not fucking communicate that well

okay I’m done now finally 🫡

[tartagliatum]

I think a lot about Wrio allowing himself to indulge and gaining some weight as a way of healing, he went hungry for a long part of his life, but now he gets to be safer, to eat his fill and go to sleep with a full tummy. I also think of Neuvillete encouraging him to do it so, cherishing his softer body and rubbing his tummy, empty or full, which is great bcs Wrio not only lived starved of food but of affection too. I LOVE WG AND STUFFING AS HEALING, AND I LOVE WRIO. I CAN HEAL HIM FR (BY FEEDING HIM)

AHSJSHUS I LOVE THIS cherishing his softer body and rubbing his tummy <3333

i feel like so many canon profile bits and exchanges with him point to him being quite an indulgent character already; slacking off work, turning up his nose at the less desirable welfare meals, strolling around fontaine's patisseries, taking little tea breaks whenever the opportunity arises. as he deserves to!

given that he's said to be seen visiting bakeries while on duty in the overworld, i like to think he has a sweetooth :3 perhaps neuvillette often brings him pastries and cakes as gifts whenever he visits during work hours. he invites him to furina's famous tea parties whenever the chance makes itself available (one of which is sure to be hosted each time the warden has official business to discuss in the court of fontaine, no matter how trivial.) he is always delighted to see him treat himself, and wriothesley is just as happy to satisfy his sweet tooth on such a decadent feast; not only did he never think he would have the opportunity to live so luxuriously, but also because now he believes he deserves to do so, no longer holding back from his desires out of guilt and little self worth.

not only does he give in to his newfound large appetite, but neuvillette rather likes to indulge him too. he brings him out to restaurants and orders fine foods and wines - a gloved finger pointing out the dishes on the menu as he orders for the both of them. at furina's tea parties, he offers him another slice of cake or suggests which desserts to try next, even as wriothesley places a hand on the swell of his quickly filling stomach.

"kouign-amann pair quite well with ginger tea. i must say this batch has been baked long to perfection," he muses, delicately pushing a plate across the table to wriothesley, who is still making his way through the gâteau he insisted he try. "though if you are drinking something sweeter, i would suggest a few canelés, or this pear tarte tatin. what do you think, furina?"

"the red wine caramel is exquisite, wriothesley."

"these macarons from lucerne's, though, are truly delectable. they are still light and crisp from this morning."

"let me breathe first." wriothesley swallows, smiling fondly at his enthusiasm to see him eat well. (and, really, breathing may become slightly more challenging if he continues on like this.) "i haven't even finished the last few you so kindly bestowed upon me."

and ohhh the belly rubs,,, !!!!!!!

ofc i believe wriothesley is so weak for having his tummy rubbed in the first place - neuvillette's warm hands are the perfect balance of heavy and firm but gentle, and just feel so inexplicably nice - so when the deep circles he rubs into his belly are accompanied by the pleasurable feeling of being full of baked treats or a yummy dinner, he quite positively ascends to heaven. and when his lavish lifestyle inevitably fills him out and he amasses a few extra inches on his waistline, the iudex's hands on his newly senistive tummy send him out of this world entirely. falling asleep is a difficult thing for wriothesley, but under these circumstances - whether neuvillette is settling a meal in his stomach or simply providing affectionate rubs - he feels safe and cared for in his arms, and despite fighting it, sleep takes over him and he's snoring lightly into his boyfriend's shoulder. indulging is a fun little hobby, but having somebody to indulge with - somebody to pamper you - is much preferable.

(also consider - tummy kisses. neuvillette is absolutely over the moon when the soft cushioning of wriothesley's tummy means he can easily take it between his teeth, trailing little love bites over the gentle curve of his belly. or simply just pressing his lips to his warm middle in soft, adoring kisses, much to wriothesley's blissful delight.)

[halestrom]

Director's commentary: Cockblock

Alright, this is gonna be LONG bc I have so many feelings about this story. So also, a read more, for reasons. I apologize in advance, not really.

Also? Spoilers? I guess if you haven't read the fic. Which if you do wanna read it you can find it here

first off, the moment that started it all bc tbh that's how 90% of these fics start. some random ass comment one of us make and it just takes off. (looking at u blank space)

So two things that were very evident for me with this fic was that I fully believe Jake and Bradley are capable of embarrassment, but it is few and far between. Which, don't relate in the slightest. You cannot put either of them in the spotlight and expect them not to ham it up in the slightest. They will take it to the next level, and they will not care. And this is important bc the second thing is:

They are competitive. Becoming a naval aviator is not easy, it's not something you casually fall into. It's something you want to do, and you train and study and do everything you can to get there. And on top of that, canonically they're the best. They were chosen for the mission for a reason and so they're the top of their classes/cohort/wherever they are for a reason.

And we know Jake and Bradley have history so when Nimue mentioned this idea I knew I wanted to take those two reasons and just mush it all up into the most competitive fake dating.

This wasn't going to be awkward romance. This was going to be 'i will fuck you on the floor if it means im winning' kinda romance. They wanna outdo each other, they want to be the best and sometimes that means they get in trouble (ie. the bet in the beginning of the story) or when Bradley fell asleep in Jake's lap and Of course jake would take care of him? Who else would it be?

But also, because they had had this antagonistic relationship that essentially had to be put to the side in order to maintain the belief they were the best it finally gave them a chance to see who the other person actually was with the adversarial nature of their relationship not necessarily taking a backseat to everything they're doing, but actually morphing into something else in the same way we see the rest of the Daggers kind of joking around.

And then it just keeps growing, because they don't really have defenses for each other in this context. Bradley can say the worst things to Jake (you're going to lead someone to an early grave) and it might hurt, but Jake isn't going to shut down over it. And Jake can call Bradley out (ie: the dad comment) and Bradley can get up in Jake's face but the next (whatever the fucking timeline is int hat movie jfc) day they're fine? They know how to be the antagonistic in each others stories, but friendship? A relationship? That's something new.

Especially for Jake, who did have a crush on Bradley but it wasn't something that was holding him back. It was something there, but it never stopped him from dating, and being with people and I would never classify it as love? Not truly because Jake wouldn't actually love someone who treated him the way Bradley and he treated each other, but he definitely would start sinking into those feelings as their fake relationship progressed. He saw the opportunity in the beginning of the story to get close to Bradley, just for fun, not because he's sitting there wallowing and pining and writing sad poems in his journal, but he's not gonna lie and say it wasn't also nice being that close to Bradley and not have an argument.

And then for Bradley, I really feel like the switch from seeing Jake as someone he's competing against, to someone he could be friends with, is in Chapter 4 when Jake makes him dinner, and opens up a little bit more about wanting to make it to Admiral, and how he's wants to get his PhD and he's got a plan. He's got a family who loves him, and he loves them and, unlike a lot of people, understands that while Mav isn't his biological father, he was the one who was there, and so while the title isn't 'Dad' the actions definitely are. So it was the start of a connection bc of Jake's relationship with his stepdad, who, in all the ways according to him, is his actual Dad. Bc he was the one who was there.

And it's not perfect, bc of what happened to Goose vs Jake's bio dad being a Raging Douchebag, but it's a start.

And following that moment is when we start to see them opening up more and more. Jake coming out as gay, not bisexual to Bradley and wanting to go to the gala as a statement. And then when Bradley falls asleep in Jake's lap at brunch, and they have the most minor argument but it's still them so they don't know how to handle it anymore within the context of each other and it just keeps growing and then they're kissing, and having sex and are intimate in that regards, Jake telling Bradley about his Mom, and Bradley talking about his Mom and how much he misses her even then and it's a grief he can't ever close, and it just keeps growing, and every moment is bringing them closer and closer to the edge.

But neither one of them can really toss themselves over it because they have so much history that they still haven't completely dealt with so it's hard, and complicated, esp with these new feelings.

My personal HC for Jake is that he is, while very gregarious, he also keeps things close to the chest, and he plans. And keeps making plans and more plans bc if he has a plan, then he can account for everything. But Bradley is steady, he flies steady right up until the moment he doesn't. and so Jake has a plan. And his plans have plans but for all their relationship looks real to the outside world, to each other it's still brand new because in some respects, it doesn't exist.

They have a relationship yes, but they're not IN a relationship. Not truly and so Jake can't plan for that. But Bradley doesn't need a plan because once he makes a decision, he just goes. And he wanted to tell Jake, he decided he was going to tell Jake and talk to him but talking is hard but it's a good thing he is the unholy product of Carole/Goose with some input from Mav and Ice so he will sing about it. Because he can use someone elses words to talk about it, and it works.

SO yeah, this was a very long winded way to talk about how their relationship morphed and changed because of the dumbass way they had to fake date to get funding, which is the biggest authors handwave of density ever but it was a good one. They couldn't fight anymore because they were faking it, so they, as Jake said early on, had to become friends but the problem was, there was always too much passion and fire for it to be easy, and it could've gone badly for sure. It could've crashed and burned.

But that would mean they would lose, and it's a lot easier to keep your mouth shut about shit that might once have pissed you off and let it slide off your back when you're a hyper-competitive asshole who likes winning. And when you let a lot of the anger slide off your back? Then it's impressive what can grow in it's wake.

And I had so much fun writing it, and I'm so so so glad it resonated with people.

Random other things:

Jake's Mom and his stepdad bc they were the best part of the Prometheus movie: Idris Elba and Charlize Theron

Bradley laying on the couch and lamenting to Mav and Ice is a personal HC of mine that I will never let go of. This man is Dramatic and he will be dramatic about it. Even if Ice and Mav aren't together, he will be Dramatic about it to one of them.

I figured out what songs I wanted Bradley to sing a full three months before I even got to that point. Especially You're So Vain bc I just have the image of all the daggers singing it to Jake in good faith, and before it would've made him annoyed, but now its just friends ragging on friends.

I had a whole plotline I ended up discarding where the Daggers had a BBQ style thing for and Marcus, Jake's Dad shows up and Jake is just like DAD and Payback is like "the fuck you mean Dad" and Bradley's keeping a straight face through sheer force of will alone bc Jake was right, it is fucking hilarious trying to watch people try not to ask, and figure it out.

There was also a second idea where someone asked who's sister that was. And it was Jake's Mom, bc she is young.

I may also write this at some point bc it would also be when Bradley met Jake's parents and he is PANICING bc Jake's Dad is a SEAL.

I am forever enamored of the diea that Bradley is Mav's responsibility 100% and he is like THIS CHILD WILL NOT BE A TEENAGE FATHER and proceeded to give the most horrifying, in depth discussion of sex. Charlie, Ice, Mav, Sarah, Penny. Anyone he could talk to gave him input on it. Plot twist: Bradley got laid a lot in college bc he was respectful, understood consent, knew what the fuck he was doing, and like. Word got around and as a result, he had A Lot Of Fun. But he didn't knock anyone up.

One of the first scenes I had in my head was actually the end of the fic and it was this moment:

“You said you weren’t writing sad poems. Does this mean there are other kinds of poems?” Bradley asked. “Or a journal?” Jake tilted his head down enough to see the smirk curling the edges of Bradley’s mouth, and he used his free hand to pinch his side. “No journal, asshole.”

I'm also very proud of the limerick I wrote

There once as a man we loved to mock Ge was always racing against the clock. We called him Rooster cuz he needed a booster. But mostly, I just really like his big cock.

um yeah. so this is long lol so i should shush. but i have a lot of feelings about this fic and i had fun. so 🤣 HOPE YOU ENJOYED MY LOTR EXTENDED EDITION DIRECTORS COMMENTARY ON COCKBLOCK

[sangahnomiya]

little known fact (I have literally only ever yapped abt this to 5 people) but ever since I watched the donghua of cinderella chef last year, I've been brainstorming a crossover AU with apothecary diaries, yona of the dawn and snow white with the red hair.

(will it ever get written? ONLY GOD KNOWS but I'm dumping my brainrot here anyway)

the cast of characters:

yaoyao and chunyu (cinderella chef)

maomao and jinshi (apothecary diaries)

shirayuki and obi (snow white with the red hair)

yona and hak (yona of the dawn)

other characters who appear in this AU (even if I haven't worked out what they do yet), bc you should not separate them ever: ryuu (AnS), and the happy hungry bunch (YotD)

the team dynamics:

in my HC shirayuki is the oldest of the group and seems (SEEMS) to be the most level-headed, while maomao and yaoyao are definitely evenly matched in levels of unhinged. yaoyao is canonically around 18-19, so she's most likely the second oldest

yona is the youngest at 16. however, she is also the only one of the group with a kill count. naturally the older girls are somewhat concerned but they're supportive anyway, and maomao later on offers to help make poison for yona's arrows. (it's her way of showing friendship)

yaoyao is the only one of them who's ACTUALLY married, and so she probably assumes that the other girls are also married to their respective tall, dark, handsome companions. shirayuki's avoiding eye contact, yona is flustered, and maomao... is not amused.

yaoyao and maomao are the kitchen powerhouse duo. if they combine their forces with yoon, then they become truly unstoppable

yona and shirayuki are definitely mistaken for the other girl by multiple people, due to their red hair (and dark-haired bodyguards/love interests). this could lead to a case of mistaken identity where shirayuki gets chased by soldiers bc they mistook her for yona, who's a fugitive

when the four girls get absolutely caught up in brainstorming a plan, the four guys have no choice but to trail after them and wait it out till they're done. obi is the most used to this behaviour from shirayuki while she works so he's already accustomed to it, and hak knows yona well enough to know that she'll explain it to him after, but chunyu and jinshi are still somewhat baffled. sucks to be them lol

like shirayuki, obi is the oldest out of the four guys and he takes care of them in his own way. big brother obi to the rescue!!!!!

the worldbuilding:

I will not lie, I only thought of this AU bc I wanted to put yaoyao and maomao together and have their nicknames be xiaoyao and xiaomao. but like everything else I start bc of something ridiculous, I ended up thinking way too much abt it so here's what I got so far

geographically speaking obiyuki would be coming from the west (AnS is set in a European-styled setting), while maomao and yaoyao would technically be in the same area. if we're going off of the assumption that yotd is set in pseudo-korea, then the kingdom of kouka would probably an ocean away from the empire of Li.

given the settings, it's not uncommon for foreigners to pass through Li, and since obiyuki canonically travel around n stuff they would probably pass through Li at least once

in terms of timeline, I'm very, VERY ROUGHLY guesstimating that cinderella chef and yotd were set in around the same time period (western jin dynasty in China, and the three kingdoms period in Korea).

emphasis on the rough guesstimate bc the show never explicitly mentions at what point in the past she's sent to, so I'm making do with what I can gather from the style of clothing and the architecture used in the setting. but I can only do so much since the show took quite the artistic liberty with historical events and other things like that

on the other hand, the apothecary diaries APPEARS to be set in 15th century China, but it's also not confirmed either so yes. this is fine. [strained smile]

so yeah! that's all I got for now JSJSJFHG I really want to write this AU but first I've got to pin down the dates and historical time periods bc my brain is weird like that. hope you enjoyed 🫶🏼

[astroismypassion]

Hey, I need to know your opinion here. It's totally fine if you don't wanna but just read maybe you'll enjoy 🤣

My moon and venus is in his 8h and my sun in his 7h; his sun is in my 8h, his moon is in my 9h and his venus in my 7h.

Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed— like why are you so obsessed with me?🤡 like what does he even sees in me??

He constantly tells me that he would leave his family if they tried to stop us being together (I'm assamese and he's a nepali— different tribes also his family knows about us but mine doesn't cuz they are strict asf)

I will not lie, at first I totally ignored him (for 2 year💀 kinda on and off contact- we were classmates) but there was something about him that kept pulling me towards him like crazy istg

He can't express very well nor can I wait he's actually better at expressing his feelings compared to me.

He's lost his v card and I have not. For me, my v card needs to go to someone who is gonna be my permanent not 'maybe/temporary'— he thinks otherwise. So different values and morals.

He constantly spends money and have to keep reminding him to be more strict with his finances (this one irks me so bad)

He gets jealous so fcking easily— like I do too but I try to rationalize my feelings and tell myself that "no they're are just friends, he can have friends okayyy!!" I try to control my possesiveness but no he doesn't.

This is actually my first serious relationship. I'm scared that I will lose my v card to him— no bad if we are the end game but if not then i don't wanna give other than my future hubby TT

I'm scared to commit with him bcs in his past he played around with different girls (NO I'M NOT A 'I CAN FIX HIM' ENERGY 😭) but he claims that I'm the first girl he wants to be with and commit too (his sister told me that he never cried for any girl in his past except for one but that was long ago and now he cries for me bcs I don't trust him) yesterday he told me that "you are making me crazy— are you having fun by having a guy run behind you like a dog??" I was speechless. He was drunk btw he called an hour ago apologizing (he doesn't remember anything he apologized cus his roommates kept scaring him that he told me shit) we haven't talked after that tho

Like always it's an on and off connection.

Okay there's so many things I wanna spill but I'll stop here. Thank you for reading, I hope you had fun my reading my tea lol 😹 anyways

Byeeee<333

Hi!

Hm, lots of complex questions these days in my mailbox. No, but it's alright. I understand the 8th house synastry desire to vent haha. Honestly, so much is to be said, when you are in an 8th house connection.

Definitely don't rush losing v card with the said person. You sound indecisive, which often leads to a "no". Remember that when you are unclear, confused or unsure about something, it's because it's probably a "no". I think that 8th house connections (especially with Sun in the 8th or Mercury in the 8th overlay) are not really worth losing your v card, if you are not beforehand in a committed, mutual partnership with this person. Otherwise, it's just regret and kind of feeling present you would wish to wait it out for someone that you truly have a mutual respect of boundaries in the connection with. If this has not been discussed and establish beforehand, I advise to not engage in any type of sexual activity. Sex might overly complicate already complex situation and when it's sex and feelings involved, the confusion is even stronger after. Don't think that by having sex this will give you more clarity. Try to simplify things for yourself and not overly complicate them, mutual respect is very important.

[wyldblunt]

hi personal post just under a cut, it's not even serious or negative or anything i just feel like blabbering and it's embarrassing to have it out in the open lol

i NEED......... to get over how shy i am abt playing w ppl in game... it's not even just Running Content, i mean i get anxious/shy about even just. goofing around aimlessly/map completing with anyone i haven't known for literally years. or who i am not literally married to.

idk what it is!!! my brain immediately kicks into overdrive and gets completely clogged up with "am i not talking enough. are they getting bored. am i moving too fast/slow. i don't know what to do. this is stressing me out" and i have zero idea how to stop myself from getting like that. literally yesterday (SORRY IF THIS WAS YOU??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE FWIW) someone came up to me and marina in game and said hi nicely and asked what we were up to and i like. Answered Once, and then did not talk again the whole time, and we sort of ran around together for a bit until i kind of lost track of them but the ENTIRE TIME i was agonizing over "am i being totally unfriendly and weird by not chatting. am i coming off like i want them to go away or just generally like an asshole" and as you can see i am also still agonizing about it now. even though objectively it was probably completely fine.

and EVEN WITH very good friends i've known for a long time i clam up like that... when i was trying to get into ffxiv some very good friends stopped by to give me stuff/say hi to my character etc and i got the exact same way!!! ppl i literally talk to all the time on twitter etc but then the second we're behind in game avatars i just get stressed out and start feeling super awkward and aside from like. jumping in place a few times suddenly forget literally every single thing i have ever known about human socialization

but it's dumb!!! and i'm so over it!!!! i wanna run dungeons and fractals and stuff, i even wanna scrape a group together to kind of activate my old guild again and claim a guild hall, stuff like that... and i KNOW the tumblr community is a great way to do that bc u guys are all so friendly and chill and it's way better than trying to throw myself into pugs or whatever. but oh my god. my fucking BRAIN, man

as i type this all out i do wonder if maybe a solution would be getting on voice chat w ppl while trying to play stuff together bc i truly feel like 90% of my anxiety comes from "i cannot type in chat and play at the same time, therefore i get super overwhelmed and confused about how to communicate naturally" and i feel like vc would solve that. but uh. if anyone does not mind sometimes running content with a guy who will probably be mostly silent and weird the whole time (the real glyndwr experience!!!!) please feel free to hit me up and i will get back to u between three and six billion business days

EDIT adding on more bc im still thinking lol. i just have a huge huge fear of coming off like a dick or like im unfriendly or something. ppl have constantly told me im intimidating for ages and it hurts my feelings and i get really antsy about it (this is why i never play reblog games abt like "rate how intimidating the person u reblogged from is" etc bc if anyone actually said they were scared of me i would get sad for real lol!!!). i naturally usually have a kind of flat/dry affect online and i make friends slowly, and i don't feel like changing how i express myself bc it's natural to me but. agh!!!! agh!!!! my wittle feelings!!!!!!

[tonydaddingham]

orwellian's a great word for it actually. "appropriate raiments will be provided" is the most disturbing thing in the whole series and i stand by that. this interpretation of heaven has definitely coloured my reading of the show especially how i see the fall so it's cool to see someone who agrees!

hard agree that pure coercion would be a total cop out. it's just that he does seem nervous so i do think he's aware of a certain degree of potential danger. i initially thought the metatron must have let slip an implication somewhere but i much prefer your idea that he suspected something. and well. i've been saying basically since season 2 came out that accepting the offer doesn't equal having completely fallen for it. will come back to that in my thoughts on the whole mess that was that domestic.

the blanket permission to come scream at you is greatly appreciated and i'll definitely make use of it; i love this kind of media dissection and speculation. 🦭

(p.s. i did indeed end up making the chekov's list since my ocd never can leave well enough alone lol. brace yourself: incoming!)

hihi again, 🦭 anon!!!✨

yes!!! in the context of 1984, especially, that line really is ominous; obviously there is a fine line between a corporate uniform and dictated dress, especially as the only scene where we see all of the angels look the same (iirc) is the waiting platoon in s1. otherwise, all of the angels do have individual dress/style (but similar enough to show belonging), even in the job scene, even if certain elements of their designs indicate shared rank or moral alignment... but the implication of subjugation made by clothes being specifically chosen for the prospective mind-wiped gabriel is... interesting.

and of course - aziraphale's outfit is very different to that of the other angels, in it being actual human clothing, and showing unashamed signs of wear and comfort. i remarked in a post that in job especially, his jobes (job robes) are very similar in aesthetic to that of michael and gabriel compared to say muriel's. could be that it's the appropriate dress of a principality rank, but im not... wholly convinced.

anyway, let's get on with your list!!! a herculean effort, truly!!! hope you don't mind, but a) ive copied and pasted it under the cut, because b) id love to use it as a checklist for myself (and of course if anyone else does!) re: things ive talked about, or indeed things that i have Thoughts on... or even things that i haven't thought to talk about and will probably look into doing so in the future!!!✨✨

episode 1:

starting with the big one there's the pre-fall sequence. the fall itself. talked a lot about these two things/the whole theme in general, found under the #the fall/the great war spec tag

maggie's spelling under the #we need to talk about maggie theory tag - babygirl is an angel, im convinced of it

"what's the point of it all" i mean, kinda talked about this in connection with stuff under the #god is dead theory tag, and in a couple of different asks; mainly that god doesn't give two hoots about any of it, and just wanted to give everyone and everything free will - and they have to work out the consequences for themselves (whilst she throws in a few chaotic sprinkles to keep things interesting)

shax's insider information about heaven ive definitely not discussed shax at all really, and i definitely have a few things id like to work out... main one being, for me, how she went from wondering where aziraphale was in ep3, to suddenly knowing how to exactly triangulate his position in ep4 finally talked about her in the #shax meta tag!!!

the demons being on half rations didn't really think to look at this!!! that could be interesting, especially with the short-staffed comment... someone did put to me that bc the apocalypse failed, everyone on earth continues dying and adding to the population of the Damned, so the work vs demon ration is steadily getting outweighed... but hm, could be something more than that!

"something terrible" because are we sure we're sure that that was about the stuff we've already seen you know, i wondered this too after ep6!!! it was a very interesting choice of words for me, bc whilst yes gabriel's fate was looking pretty shit, the line was almost a bit... well, over-announced? they kept repeating it? like, gabriel said he had to bring the box to aziraphale/the bookshop otherwise something terrible would happen... but why specifically the shop? is it just because aziraphale is the only angel/sanctuary on earth? is it because he was drawn to an angel that's also fallen for a demon? is it because aziraphale is simply kind? i don't trust that it's any of these explanations at all (or maybe all of them and another besides)... and tbh i think god has something to do with it. another speculation for the to-do list!!!

the book of life this one ive remarked on a fair bit under the #book of life theory tag, but it's fairly disjointed from other bits and pieces - tbh i probably need to do a long post at some point as to where all my theories etc join up... bc for the moment all of them are full of loopholes

michael and uriel's power politics oooooh i literally don't have a single scooby on this... id have to think on this a little more

the very highlighted matchbox quote this one ive had sat in the drafts for ages bc i can't quite parse it out - where does leviathan come into it? is it a reference to crowley-as-aziraphale spitting fire during the execution? why would it be on a matchbox of a bloody pub? is it a clue from god? is god linked to jim/gabriel somehow? gahd this one is still giving me a headache kinda? wrote about this - here, no tag for this specifically - and im still not fully satisfied that is the meaning of the matchbox but i think (hope) it might be somewhere near the mark?

1650 i speculated (or, well, dreamt up a hc) as to what this potential flashback could entail in a LWA response somewhere - in any case, give me the boys in cromwellian england and give it to me Now

the 25 lazarii miracle my batshit theory (and yet it makes complete sense to me, i stand by it) is in my #25 lazarii theory tag

episode 2:

heaven and hell working together as a single good cop bad cop system this is similarly stagnating in my drafts at the moment!!! but it's a bit of a mindbender for me bc it means i need to pick apart what everything thinks the job/satan bet was actually about... basically, i think it all comes back to understanding god's will - and all of them (yes, even crowley) have it wrong because imo god is completely amoral and is just the strongest advocate for free will... weirdly, i think the person that had the most right of it was gabriel.

"forces them under an awning together" god i hope this happens in s3... i mean there's no way it won't, right? and so many juicy possibilities (for my money itll be the bandstand, but equally would love, like, the stoop of the bookshop, and then have it mirrored again under like the porch of the south downs cottage) 🥺

gabriel's eyes glowing statements this tbh harks back to what i posted under the #25 lazarii theory tag - definitely something weird going on, and i have a gut feeling the boys accidentally made it even worse lmao

tricking heaven with a sleight of hand this is also going to require a bit more thought!!!

episode 3:

aziraphale's chekhov's diaries see im not sure how important i truly think theyre going to be, but if we go by the prominent influence of the crow road, it definitely has to be a s3 plot device, right? the only thing im scared of is that aziraphale's memory gets wiped, or he goes missing, and the books are key to getting back his memory/finding him... hmmm

crowley's consciousness extending into the bentley i think the crank is certainly important, even if just symbolic of his power - uses it to create nebulae, it survived the s1 explosion, etc. i do think bentley has its own kind of personality, but think it's borne out of proximity, use, and influence of her demon owner... obviously i could be entirely wrong, but i kinda hope it's more that he made her, and her allegiance as a sentient being is with him (and of course aziraphale by extension), mainly bc i want something to look after crowley... but then is it more poetic that the bentley is basically just him, and representative of him finding comfort in himself? idk tbh but she's a bad bitch and i love her

general resurrection themes ive talked a fair bit about the second coming aspect, but not about the resurrection and last judgement so much, so this is one for the list

gabriel's glowing eyes statements part 2 as above (and i realise that you might be talking about what he specifically says, not the general thing itself, 🦭 anon, but in a way what is being said is fairly self-explanatory imo, but why is the heftier question)

shax can sense gabriel in a way the archangels couldn't i personally don't think there's much by way of implication in the method in which she senses him (ie... smell? vs michael's weird sixth sense), but i do think there is something about the fact they can sense him at all... talked about in #25 lazarii spec and the #shax meta tag!!!

"it's always too late" oh god 💀 i had the most batshit theory about this that i don't even want to talk about BUT im with you that it's... an odd line. i love that it potentially references line in the book about crowley's watch being set to hell's time, which is set at "too late", but beyond that... not entirely sure why the line was said or said so... blatantly? feels like something obvious would explain it

rumours that aziraphale and crowley were an item that so far don't seem justified based on what hell knew. rumours that apparently had no major consequences for crowley despite one harmless photo warranting a legion to collect him [screams at 1941 truther sign] yeah this is how it read to me too, 🦭! something definitely happened after that dinner, and im not saying a move was made (and potentially witnessed by a couple of errant nazi zombies) but i think a move was made (and witnessed by a couple of errant nazi zombies) - #1941 spec tag

the literal chekhov's gun in the bookshop this one has flummoxed me, but i did read a speculation about continuing the 1941 flashback today, which was utter genius (and so much better than what i managed to dream up in the above tag), and suggested the derringer will make an appearance in a fight-ish scenario in that scene... which is frankly bloody inspired tbh, and im very much convinced by

the miracle blocker oooooh i don't have a dedicated tag for this but i definitely talked about it in a post under the #sanctuary/bentley theory tag!!! i think it was potentially a chekhov's gun that we didn't see get fired

sleight hand to trick hell probably one to look at in hand with the one above about tricking heaven

the zombies just running around london kinda as i said above tbh, not sure what'll happen to them afterwards but presumably a grisly end being eaten and pooped out by a spider

1941 full stop. we have not seen the last of that night. goddamn right we havent [skips around the 1941 truther sign]

episode 5:

the lack of demons available for the attack pretty much what i said above in ep1 about being short staffed bc the Damned population keeps increasing... maybe? still one to look at in more detail though!!!

"i know. do it anyway" "i know. looking at where the furniture isn't" not necessarily in reference to these quotes specifically, but in the general context - discussed this (and potential crowley memory loss) in the #the fall/the great war spec and #book of life theory tags

"if it happens twice it might seem like an institutional problem" oh. OH. THIRD EYE HAS OPENED. because we know two things, right? gabriel didnt fall/wasnt intended to, so the 'happens twice' isn't realised. and heaven does have an institutional problem, practically embodies the term. so if this is foreshadowing. does aziraphale fall. oh no. Oh No (ive sort of discussed this in #scapegoat theory tag but that was strictly pre-eden context...) this however has actually just made me realise that this is a chekhov's gun literally pointed at aziraphale's head... shitshitshitshitshjthka

mrs cheng's weird look across the street see this is on my list but waaaay down it. think she could be a demon. will work on it at some point edit: talked a little bit about this in the #shax meta tag, but possibly needs a dedicated post, idk

nina and maggie's semi immunity to miracles so the bit where aziraphale can't miracle them? that to me is potentially the same explanation as the miracle blocker post (like it all connects). maggie is more immune than normal to the ball miracle? see #we need to talk about maggie theory tag. as for nina... im still not sure on. idk if she's a demon (which for me is a Thought if we consider that hell are short-staffed; she could be one of Many) but it feels a little on the nose... one for the list edit: talked a little bit about nina in the #shax meta tag, but definitely needs a separate post at some point

shax saying the shop isn't an embassy anymore but the demons still unable to get in i didn't think of it from this angle, but i think my theory still stands - under the #sanctuary/bentley theory tag

nina and maggie's immunity to miracles part 2 oh oops - see above

episode 6:

maggie being able to invite the demons into the shop i think she's an angeeeeeeellllll (see #we need to talk about maggie tag)

the speed at which the portal opens and it's potential as a means of spying my latest galaxy brain moment (i hope) - #sanctuary/bentley theory tag

haloes and the potential consequences of blowing them up this one is in the #halo theory tag

crowley opening the files not quite sure what you mean by this one, 🦭!!! do you mean about his rank? definitely tried parsing this particular headscratcher in the #AWCW spec tag

heaven was trying to restart armageddon in a way that seems awfully unofficial oooooohhh.... haven't looked at it this way, but definitely will be!!! might link in with #god is dead theory stuff, but will need more exploring!!!

saraqael having their own agenda honestly saraqael is my newest bad bitch (gn) and if my #saraqael spec is even halfway true, im going to explode i love them

"i'm the only first order archangel in the universe" *camera cuts to crowley* kinda talk about this in the #AWCW spec tag but since neil cremated the lucifer theory (rip) ive kinda left this aspect alone... tbh i don't think he was as important as he's set out to have been

"i'm the only first order archangel in the universe" full stop. statement's plenty suspicious on its own too. this is....... potentially very intriguing

memory wiping as just a thing heaven does when someone disobeys i need to reconcile #book of life theory with this tbh - like, the focus on memory is so strong in s2 that i strongly believe it has connection to falling... at which point, where does gabriel demotion/mem wipe punishment fit in? and where does saraqael fit in, too?

muriel having the same kind of position gabriel was going to be demoted to vaguely looked at this in #book of life theory tag posts i think, especially in reference to how their potential punishments (in muriel's case) mirror each other

heaven and hell are technically at war now. its not like anyone with authority actually called it off danced around this in the #halo theory tag, in reference to aziraphale declaring this new war, and yet they've been at war for a long time? yes the reflection of it being a cold war but still... interesting to think about especially when framed like this

it's possible to remove your essence and store it elsewhere definitely need to explore the possibilities and implications of this at some point, but the suggestion i made in the #25 lazarii theory post somewhat starts to look at this

hell is understaffed as already mentioned above

the shax furfur alliance not quite sure what to think about this, and whether it necessarily means anything more than it's put across (ie just that they are the danger duo of hell in s3?) idk tbh i just need to look at them both as individual characters a bit more first #shax meta tag!!!

the many strange things that could indicate something going on in the last fifteen minutes god.... just anything in the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tag tbh

"does anyone ever ask for death" idk whether or not to take this as meaning anything deeper than metatron just idly thinking "hmmm aziraphale could refuse my coffee, refuse a chat... at which point ill probably need to destroy him etc. hey, i wonder if anyone - instead of coffee - has ever actually asked for death? funny name for a coffee shop"... and possibly a double meaning meant by Nina saying 'everything else was taken'?

saraqael being the only one other than crowley who recognises the metatron and their reaction well theres my school of thought that saraqael is potentially closer to metatron that we maybe thought (#saraqael spec tag), but then again - and this exact sentence just reminded me - i think in this particular instance, both saraqael and crowley have just come fresh from watching the trial, so that's why they both remember metatron... which begs the question of what happened between the trial and the final fifteen to make them forget? hmmm

almond syrup imo, #omelas theory

the possible miracle chime ehhhh i know i wrote about this but im still like 50/50 on it... but it fits my theory (in the #feral domestic/final fifteen tag) so im rolling with it - i think there might be a chime and i think it might be a failed miracle to change the coffee

the metatron and crowley seeming to have some kind of history lmao anything in #metatron spec or indeed #the fall/the great war spec tags tbh

aziraphale's peculiar mannerisms im getting so lazy with these responses now 🦭 anon im so sorry, but again recently speculated in the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tag

the way the conversation between aziraphale and the metatron is only reported and very strangely transitioned in and out of as above

the nothing to see here shooting of the kiss this one...

i know ng said it was a continuity error but. the time skip on the clocks ...and this one ive looked at in the #time-stop theory tag, and im the same - not trusting continuity error on this... not just yet

the something's up vibes of metatron. the general scheming and manipulativeness. the framing as the wizard of oz. the colour scheme and the dice on his tie. the sigh of relief in the elevator lol #metatron spec

the credits scene i haven't really gone into this in any detail and tbh idk if it needs it - i think it's pretty reflective of some stuff ive talked about in the #aziraphale meta and the #feral domestic/final fifteen meta tags

plus special mention: not technically in the episode but the distinctly ominous madonna/crucifixion promo photos aaaaaaaand this one is in the #mary/pieta spec tag

again 🦭 anon im really sorry it got a little lazy towards the end!!! but im very, very grateful that you put this all in a list, because ive definitely got some stuff in mind that id like to parse out!!! and as ever - more than happy to scream about things so pop on back if you feel the need to scream with me!!!✨

[golbrocklovely]

Fans in general seem to love having something negative to say about Colby’s body , whenever he is not looking how they want him to look. Till this day I remember when Colby had cancer and was on Chem and due to that he gained some puffiness , people started to bash him for his looks and puffy face. Of course back then nobody knew about Colby’s condition, but it still disgusts me how fans feel like they have the right to write such disgusting things. Even if they prefer other Colby looks they can keep it to themselves.

SnC fans in general should have forbidden to open their mouth unless it’s a talk about their new videos or paranormal stuff, because the way those fuckers ( sorry) feel comfortable to talk shit online about absolutely fucking everything. They always hated on every single girl that dared to breath next to Colby ( i will never forget how Sam n Colby clowned them for this shit making Sam be a “new girl”) , hate on C gf ( even if you don’t like her, alright you are allowed to not like her, but shut up and keep it to yourself), hate on C looks everytime he is not fit and skinny enough for them and shaved . Like can this fandom just focus on ghosts and demons? It would be much nicer

oh i remember it vividly too. it upset me so much bc at the time, i thought it was most likely medicine he was taking for his acne, which was also what other ppl were commenting on.

but i remember getting asks saying he looks like he got work done, he's fat now, his face looks bad, the whole nine. and it was just so insulting to read. and then to find out what his body was really going thru… those ppl should be ashamed of themselves truly.

something i've thought about for years now is how snc are some of the nicest ppl around, but for some reason have the most hateful fanbase. it's very odd and i'm not sure why it happens this way.

and look, i'm not saying i'm perfect in any way, shape, or form. i'm sure there is shit i've said over the years that i wish i didn't. however, i haven't ever gone after someone's physical appearance. i've never torn snc or a girl colby was interested in down by making fun of what they look like. if you want to dislike someone, that's fine. but you don't have to be vitriolic with your words. there are ways to voice your opinion without being the rudest possible version of yourself. and i feel like there are a lot of fans that don't care that their words hurt, and that is the real issue at hand.

ppl want their words to hurt the other person, and that's upsetting to see, no matter who they're talking about. i genuinely wish everyone could just be nicer. this is supposed to be fun and for entertainment. there is no reason for things to get as bad as they have been. point blank period.

[littlespoonevan]

Ciara!! you are so real for that tag 'i just wanna be hELD' like???? relationships were never a necessity in my life,,hell,,im 28 and like never had one actually and it never truly bothered til this year. I feel embarrassed for not having anyone in my life ever and start to think that maybe I have some kind of a problem? because yes I haven't actively searching for it but also nobody offered anything? showed any interest?idk? and these days all I want is just to be held. I wanna come to a home where im 100% me. I'm sorry dumbing this on you I am thinking about it a lot these days and seeing your post and tags was like universe screaming at me or sth

oh bud, you are absolutely not dumping this on me!!! i'm nodding along vigorously with everything you're saying!!!!

i've been in one relationship (which was bad for So many reasons and certainly was not romantically fulfilling in any way) and i've dated a little but the true, genuine affection that comes with being loved by someone is just......not something i've ever experienced lol.

and i think when talking about it online a lot of the time the legitimate reasons some people have for wanting to be in a relationship sort of get brushed off in a 'you don't need a relationship to be happy!!!! romantic love isn't everything!!!! be proud to be alone!!!!' kind of way. and i mean. like you said, i'm fine on my own generally. it doesn't bother me. and i don't need a relationship to be happy.

but also. i'm still allowed to want one?????? why shouldn't we get to fall in love, u know??? or find that happiness and love and affection with somebody????? why should i have to settle for being alone when most of the world isn't????

and y'know, re the age thing, i think it's a vicious cycle bc the older you get, the more it maybe feels embarrassing to reveal your lack of experience with relationships so it can make you back out of dating someone before things get serious but then that just means going Even Longer without having those experiences askjdfh i have yet to work through that issue myself lol

also. i know dating apps have been very helpful in one way but in another i feel like they have rUINED dating culture bc it feels like now you do have to be actively looking in order to date anyone. (i am so firmly against the whole 'it'll happen when you least expect it' thing that is highkey not true anymore askjdfh) but my experience of those apps is just everything feeling so formulaic and like you're ticking boxes of the same basic conversation you have with multiple different people while also swiping past people you could potentially really like bc all you're seeing is a few pics and whatever info they've decided to reveal in their bio (which is usually extremely limited). and in general, i think they really don't benefit people who prefer knowing someone in person/being friends first before dating (like me)

but yeah tl;dr. it's really hard sometimes, when i've had a bad day or i'm stressed, to know if one of my friends felt like that they can go home to partners who'll hold them and comfort them and make their day better without having to be asked. and i just....go home, pick myself back up, and carry on. it would just be nice to not have to deal with everything on my own, y'know?????

relationships certainly aren't everything and not all of them are good but also i would like someone to take care of me now, thanks 🥺