#And sometimes I catch myself doing the same thing; and I switch to a different word or format than I’ve been using; out of nothing

[riansdiary]

The "Character Switch" Game: How to Shift Out of a Victim/Negative Mindset Instantly

Dearest Gentle Readers...

Tired of spiraling, overthinking and getting triggered by the 3d or your negative thoughts? Try this game and watch how fast your mindset shifts. There's a reason why you're stuck in the same loop. Time to break out of it. Whenever you catch yourself doubting, reacting to the 3D or overthinking, simply switch to a character who would never stress about this. There's already a version of you who has everything you want. Time to step in that reality and start thinking like that version.

I have been through a negative mind cycle where I just worry, overthink and let the old story faze me but this has been helping me change my mindset and make affirming a.k.a thinking in my favor more casual, natural and more fun. I used to flip my thoughts and it's fine if you do but I don't like to give it energy nor agree with it. I have a different way of doing it now. I like to dismiss it and correct it instead of reacting or getting triggered. Think how that version of you who has everything you want would react to the old story or the 3d.

Let's start!

Let's do it in steps so it's easy to understand. This is perfect if you wanna affirm without making it feel like a chore. You should just be the version of you who has your desires. So how do we play this game? Here it is.

1. Catch yourself whenever you're thinking negative, doubting, reacting or thinking of the old story

Be aware when you're doing all of this and catch yourself just when you start to doubt, hear a murmur of the old story, react, spiral or have negative thoughts. Notice that you're running an old script. Always pause and catch yourself. You don't want that to be your story anymore? Okay, don't fight it, don't judge it, don't pay too much attention to it and then you just dismiss it and correct it.

It's literally an old story, last month's magazine, last season's clothing or imagine it's just a hater trying to get to you. But we don't have to give it an emotional reaction or give it energy or have to fight it. How do we do it then, Rian? Then pay attention to the next step which is when this switch game really starts.

2. PICK YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER TO EMBODY who has the energy and mindset you need for this

Yes, I always talk about embodying and it is one of my favorite ways to respond or affirm because it gives me the mindset I need to be the version of myself who has what she wants. And it's fun so why not have fun while manifesting? It's gonna help you in the end to have this new habit. It's like training your mind to be like the version of you who has your desires and why pick characters? First, not just any characters. We need high-value characters whose mindset and energy will boost our own. Especially ones who are strong minded, powerful, fierce, confident, detached, unbothered, unfazed by anything and those who have high self concept. Those who think they are worthy of their desires. They will help us train our mindsets to be like theirs.

This is the fun part of it but the next step is even more fun!

Now pick your favorite character, a character who makes you feel confident, one you admire and a character who you think would be the best in manifesting.

Personally, I like to switch it up sometimes based on my mood but my three main ones are Chanel Oberlin, Wednesday and Blair Waldorf. Sometimes Hermione.

Examples: Elle Woods, Chanel Oberlin, Blair Waldorf, Wednesday Addams, Hermione Granger, Veronica Lodge, Cheryl Blossom, Maddy Perez, Regina George, Katherine Pierce and so on

So pick your character or even your favorite celebrity if you want and let's move on to the next step!

3. Respond as that Character

Think like this: "Would Chanel Oberlin worry about this thought/doubt/old story? What would Chanel do? What would Blair Waldorf do?" No. They'd dismiss it and move on like it's an irrelevant thing. Like it's Chanel #5 showing Chanel Oberlin an outdated magazine but she runs the trend. Like Chanel #5 is showing Chanel that her haters are saying that she's not rich. Like it's last season's trend or clothing for her.

She would literally scoff and say:

"Oh please, as if I don't already have everything I want."

"Oh, you think I'm not rich? That's adorable. Do you need me to buy you some glasses? Or maybe a clue?"

"Ugh. Irrelevant. I always win. Next thought!"

"The old story? Outdated. A total flop. The only story that matters is this one. The new story, the one where I'm on top, everything is effortless and where I already have it all."

"Oh please, this is so last season. I already have everything I want."

Every time you catch yourself entertaining the old story or the 3d or the doubts, switch. As if you're a player who can switch characters easily. Respond like how they would in your mind, don't be shy, be dramatic and theatrical if you want. Act and think like those characters. Put their shoes on.

I literally switch to whichever character I want and then I think like them and dismiss it like them. You could even do this as the version of you who has your desires. Enjoy and make it fun. You can do this for affirming naturally as well. Affirm it as a fact. You're that version already, for you, these thoughts, doubts and the old story are just like haters. How would Wonyoung or Jennie shut them down? No they won't waste their breath, they will just dismiss them and they stay unbothered.

Remember if you're that version of you who's rich or you are Chanel Oberlin or Blair Waldorf, how would they react if a hater says they're not rich? They would think that they are crazy and just laugh at them.

When you're slipping out of the wish fulfilled, ask yourself:

What would Chanel do?

She'd scoff at the 3D and say, "Ugh, this is old news. I already have what I want. Next!"

She'd flip her hair and say, "I'm Chanel Oberlin. Of course, I have everything I want. That's just how life works for me."

She'd laugh and say, "Doubts? Please. I don't entertain nonsense. I win, always."

What would Wednesday do?

She'd glare at doubt and say, "Pathetic. Reality bends to my will. It has no choice."

She'd tilt her head and say, "Fear? Doubt? I don't have such weaknesses. Reality is my obedient servant."

She'd give a bored look and say, "Reality is predictable. I decide what happens, and it happens. No suspense, no surprises."

What would Blair do?

She'd roll her eyes and say, "I always get what I want. It's not luck, it's just how the world works when you're me."

She'd glance at her reflection and say, "Of course it's already mine. A Waldorf never settles for anything less."

She'd smirk and say, "The old story? Please, as if that was ever my reality. I've always been the main character and the main character always gets what she wants."

What would Hermione do?

She'd raise an eyebrow and say, "Oh, you think I can't have what I want? Ten points from doubt. I already have it."

She'd give an exasperated sigh, "Honestly, have you learned nothing? If you keep acting like you don't have it, of course reality will reflect that. I have it. That's final."

She'd cross her arms and huff, "Oh, for heaven's sake, are you seriously still entertaining that nonsense? The old story is irrelevant. I already have what I want, end of discussion."

Some extra examples:

What would Elle Woods do?

She'd wink and say, "Manifesting isn't that hard. Like, have you met me? I always get what I want."

What would Veronica Lodge do?

She'd cross her arms and say, "I don't dwell on problems, I solve them. And I always get what I want."

What would Cheryl Blossom do?

She'd glare and say, "The old story? Burn it. I'm the author, and this is my fairytale."

What would Regina George do?

She'd flip her hair, roll her eyes, and say, "That's the ugliest thought I've ever heard. Stop trying to make doubt happen! It's not going to happen. I already have what I want."

What would Maddy Perez do?

She'd give you that look and say, "Oh, you think reality gets a say? That's cute. I already have everything. Period."

What would Jang Wonyoung do?

She'd smile sweetly, tilt her head, and say, "Oh? You’re doubting? That's not my problem. Not my reality anymore. I already have everything, and I always will."

Anyway, the point is to pick your character, watch their best scenes on YouTube or their content then whenever you get a doubt, a negative thought or think of the old story, SWITCH TO THAT CHARACTER (switch like how you pick characters in a game or pass the baton to them), EMBODY AND THINK LIKE THEM.

Make sure to also do it when you affirm, switch to that character and affirm confidently, affirm as a fact and with certainty.

4. STAY IN CHARACTER

Keep playing the role to train your mind to always think in your favor. Literally walk, talk and act like this character if you want to be more confident like them. That's it.

Remember to ask yourself: What would my favorite character do?

Would Blair stalk the 3D for evidence? No. Would Chanel care what people think? Never. Would Wednesday ever be fazed by the old story? Absolutely not. Have fun, play the game, make it a habit and soon it won't be a game, it'll be your natural mindset.

Yours Truly,

Lady Rian Whistledown 💋

[moon-browed]

I lost my dad on a summer evening. I met my father the same day.

I don't know precisely at what point the switch happened. All I know is that one day I opened my eyes and he was gone, and I couldn't even mourn him because what replaced him was such a violent force, it reached through time and took my dad away from me and used him as a puppet ever since. Whatever he found at the bottom of that bottle was not what he was looking for, and I am not sure who he hasn't forgiven for it.

My father calls me every other month and I pretend to see anything other than an undead thing, an unmarked grave with no death date, a monstrous presence I see too much of myself in. My stomach turns and twists when his venom's taste is so sickeningly familiar, when his slurred words and twisted cadence mimics my own at my best performance. How dare you hate me when you're the one that made this ghost? How dare you avert your eyes from your creation, Father? How could you leave your lamb to be eaten by wolves when you yourself were wearing a hide of your own? If God had asked for me on his altar, you would've plunged the knife even after the Revelation of it being a mere test.

At some point you stopped believing we shared the same blood, and you started needing to see it on your hands to be convinced. And, at some point after that, that did not matter either. You put me in your box of memories and forgot about me.

Oh and what a good student I am. You taught me to be a beast and you dare being appalled by what I learned. How dare you turn me into yourself just to have a different vessel to hate? How dare you make me into a mirror you can punch? The glass of my soul is on your knuckles and you use them to deliver the final blow. You'd rather tear yourself open than to allow me to go unbruised.

"I love him, but I don't like him" I say in an attempt to rid myself of you, to find the part in my DNA that you've stained and rip it apart, even if it means annihilation.

But how could I? How could I, when I sometimes almost catch a glimpse of the man that used to love me? Of the man that carried me on his shoulders, promising me the world, making me believe it? I didn't want the world, I had you. How can I hate you when you buried my soul in our garden and watched flowers bloom from the soil, looking at them as the most precious thing in the world? You still picked them, but only because you thought them beautiful. How can I hate you when we share the same eyes and pain? When I find you in every other thing I do? At the bottom of my bottles.

You made me this. You made me this just to hate me. I let you. I hold your hand even though it burns, and I hate with you. Maybe this is my way of keeping you with me, even like this, even if we are not bound by anything other than our shared disdain for your daughter. I see myself through your eyes and hate what I see more than you ever could. I think that is the closest we will ever be again.

[yourlittlettoy]

Hi Cece!! I’ve been wanting to ask you a question about your experiences with gang t-wording, especially the one in Japan with 9 (10 ?) lers! I’ve only ever done one-on-one, but I’ve always wondered what being gang t-worded everywhere AT THE SAME TIME would feel like. Unfortunately I am too chicken to try that my self lol.

But if you’re being t worded by 4 people, are you 4x more t-wordish, or is there a point where it doesn’t intensify? Do you feel the t wording on your sides, armpits, and feet TOGETHER, or what does that feel like?

And my last question is, do you have any advice for someone who’s too chicken to try something like that 🙃

Thank you Cece 🥰🥰

Hi pal!! Omg what a good QUESTION 😁😁😁!!! I really had to take some time to reflect on this one but I think I have an answer accurate to my experience now 👀 I thinkkkk LOL

So, firstly, YES to me i do feel every single little touch everywhere LOL, i feel like i can still differentiate the different sensations in different spots? One can be worse than the other? Painfully aware of just how many spots are being intruded upon at once 😜 heh 😅👀. Having said that.. to me, I don’t think it gets “4x more t-wordish” per se… in the way that, if I was brought to 100% suffering from one spot, adding a second spot doesn’t take me to 200%? HOWEVER, I think it still DOES intensify to have more spots got at once regardless becauseeeee…

For example like having two spots going at 100% means that even if the first spot drops in effectiveness in ANY degree.. as long as the second spot is still at 100%… my overall suffering levels are still at max capacity 100% deadly panic mode LOL. Having said that… gang sessions usually mean that you’re kept at your 100% max suffer level throughout the ENTIRETY of the time it’s going on, which is usually something that even the most relentless solo sessions don’t quite reach? What I mean by that is like…

In my experience, during solo sessions I can usually get at LEAST a few seconds of respite every so often… like when the ler is going from one spot to the next and you get like half a second during the time their hands are moving spots. Or during the second it takes when they’re switching tools. If they need to adjust their grip… or even in the milliseconds I got from being able to successfully wiggle away just enough to change the pressure of their touch before their hands catch back up to me. In solo sessions, whether meaning to or not, respite can be forced by me even in the tiniest amounts. (For the record I’m not saying getting respite is a bad thing to me lmao. Both have their charms 🤪, with or without! Sometimes it’s nice to not be panicked CONSTANTLY too, as these times are typically the best conditions for intentional headspaces to be cooked up 👀😇)

But in gang sessions?? In my experience I’ve literally never had a second where at least one spot wasn’t being got in the most effective and unbearable way humanly possible 😅. If it’s not this spot… it’s gonna be that one. If i wiggle away from this hand, I’ll be smashing myself into the hand on the other side! If the death spot on my [REDACTED] is being moved away from, the one on my [REDACTED] has begun to ramp up… you get the gist 😅 PLUS the overwhelming sense of helplessness as there is an abundant amount of hands and bodies and teases and attention and AHHH just everything! Panic panic panic! 100% intensity forever! 🤭🥳🥵🤩

Anywayyy i hope this was helpful at all :’) for anyone else that’s been ganged, do you guys have any input? I’d be curious to hear how everyone else experiences it too!

As for advice, i totally understand how it can be daunting :’) but it helps a lot to be surrounded by people you trust! 🥰 i wish u all the best in your future endeavours and I hope everything you’ve ever wanted comes true exactly the way you wanted it! 😚🩷

[authorjoeypaul]

HOW I PLAN MY DOWN TIME I talked a couple of weeks ago about how I plan my writing time (found here), and I thought that today I would discuss the same, but for the time when I'm not working. Like I said in that piece, I've always been someone who is organised. I've always preferred having a list I can check things off when I'm done, and I've always wanted to have a plan before doing things. Now that I've found a way for it to translate into planner spreads and on my calendar app, it made sense that I started to do the same with the time when I'm not working. I've had a goal for the past couple of years to have at least two non working days a month. It doesn't matter if I missed a day for health reasons, or even other reasons, I do my work on working days, and I do not on days when I'm supposed to be relaxing and enjoying the time without the need to produce work. Of course I also post to socials on my days off, but I don't see that as work because I'm not having to do anything major to heavily promote. You may disagree, but for me it's not a work thing. So how do I plan and decide which days are gonna work for me? I simply choose the last two to three (depending on the month) days of the month to take that time off. I know for some people that wouldn't work, but I'm someone who when I have time off, I wanna know that all those little bits and pieces for the month that need doing, are already done, before I kick back and relax. Sometimes I'll plan something for that day, like going out with the family to a theme park, or taking my time and snuggling up with kitties and a book. But the point of these days, for me anyway, is not to fill them with things that gotta be done. It's to let them be whatever day they're gonna be. If that's chilling in bed, great, if it's catching up on a Netflix show, also great, but the point is to not have that pressure to do anything, and sometimes when you plan to the extent that I do, having a lot of time to do nothing is the best feeling in the world. I don't know if people know this about me, but I'm a very anxious person. I'm someone who needs to have a plan for most things, so unplugging, not having that plan, started off being very hard for me because I genuinely didn't feel like I had any right to sit and read, and not be doing something. People will talk about switching off and rest, and while rest means something different to disabled and chronically ill, it's really hard to go from being on the go with your plan and checkbox list, to having nothing to do, and planning on nothing. So it took time, a lot of time, for me to really be able to sink into that state every month around the same time, which I'm realising now is a plan of its own! But once I got there, it got easier each time. I have friends who work regular 9-5 jobs, and they've said like, why don't you take the weekends off? You shouldn't have to work all the time. My answer always varies, but it's usually because I, as someone with chronic illnesses and disabilities, have such a small window in which I can work. I don't like to waste it. I don't mean that I therefore push myself to breaking point, but I make the most of the days when I can manage to get things done, and make it work for me. So remember that down time isn't optional, and even if it takes you time to get used to it, keep going with it. Your body will thank you later. Any questions? Lemme know in the comments!

Follow Joey to be kept up to date with the latest news regarding Joey and her books.   

[kekstala]

Outside of the very very iconic sweet and sour dipplins, do you have any other fics your a big fan of?

I have a lot of fanfics that I enjoyed a lot and still do.

I'll only cover Dipplinshipping tho, so if you want to know more, feel free to ask again. <3

Blossoming Into Tomorrow by @furretd0ll

It’s an adorable time skip story about Kieran & Juliana getting married and facing the challenge of parenthood.

The story gives those fluffy family vibe feels, a troop I enjoy a lot!

I have already created fan art, because I absolutely love this story. <3

Playing Pretend by @esp3onsol

For a certain reason, Kieran & Juliana make a deal to pretend that they're dating each other for a while.

They‘re practically obvious idiots in love, which results into a lot of awkward moments.

It‘s hilarious and cute at the same time, I love it <3

Part 1 & 2 of the ogre‘s savaltion and the tides that set them free by lillisandme

Like the title tells, it’s a two part story - first party plays immediately after the Terapagos fight. Kieran & Juliana have a heart to heart talk which results in Kieran reflecting his feelings.

The second part takes place several years later, Kieran visits Juliana in Paldea to spend some time with her.

It‘s quite long but also very well written - I really like how the characters are fleshed out in there.

Woodworking AU by MissTreason

It‘s a story splitted into 4 one shorts - Instead of pursiuing a battle carrier, Kieran decides to step into the footsteps of his grandfather and starts to learn to crave masks.

The plot starts at Blueberry and ends up several years into the future. It‘s mainly from Kieran point of view and how his feelings change over time.

It‘s fantastic written and you just want to know what happens next.

Although I have to give a warning about the fourth part - it‘s….very spicy….

So if you‘re an minor or doesn‘t stomach this kind of things, better ignore this entry completely 

If you in fact doesn‘t mind at all, enjoy that kind of stuff even, then congratulation, you‘re a pervert…just like me 8D

Teal Mayhem by MurayamaTsuru

It‘s more or less an AU or a „What If“ where Carmine and Kieran switch places in the first part of the DLC.

So instead of Carmine and Juliana meeting Ogerpon for the first time, its Kieran & Juliana instead. 

It‘s an interesting concept and I love how it‘s being fleshed out so far. (I‘m quite excited how the story will go from there :> )

Dipplinshipping Week 2024 - Day 2 AU by Kaylen_Go_Vee

This one‘s so random but also so cute lol

It‘s an oneshot about Juliana, a florist and Kieran, a tattoo artist who one day storms into her little shop to demand a bouquet of flowers. 

It sounds pretty boring and ordinary, but believe me its not LOL 

I sometimes catch myself rereading this story several times because it‘s just so cute and hilarious, I just can‘t oke xD I even debated whenever I should make fan art or not…probably will in the foreseeable future lol

Azure Dive by UndeadWitch

Like S&SD it takes place between the second part of the DLC.

Kieran got possessed by Dokupon (it‘s more or less Peachy, but very different) and Juliana tries to help him, while facing…well…school life lol

It‘s that kind of slow burn where you scream into your cushion out of frustration pff 

Although I have to say, I like this approach a lot. The story has time build itself and the characters go through some well deserved development as well.

Just bring some patience and you will love this piece of fantastic art quite a lot <3

That‘s about it (for the moment lol)

I recommend all of this stories if you enjoy Dipplinshipping like I do <3

Thank you so much for your ask! :D

[bearpillowmonster]

Epic Mickey: Rebrushed

I'm an Epic Mickey stan, I would've bought this whether I played it or not, just to support it because I've always wanted more. (mainly, for Oswald!) But so much was planned for this franchise, including a movie and an Epic Donald spinoff.

CHANGES

Looking at this is night and day especially for a dark setting. The graphics weren't bad on the Wii, they were just, well, on the Wii. (which ran at max 720p) And while that's still feasible, it's so nice to see everything smoothed out and relit. They didn't have to go as far as messing with the actual fidelity of it or the custscenes but they make it known what a movie it would've been and we lost boys.

The addition of sprinting, dashing and butt stomping is really what this game needed because the first Epic Mickey was a Wii exclusive and I loved playing it when I first got into it but I found it had faded since then. I came back maybe a year or two ago to try and play it again and I just couldn't bring myself to. I like platforming and the platforming in this game sucked, it wouldn't control right, I felt like I was jumping in a straight line, like barely any momentum. It wasn't quite there for something you do a lot of. And if you fall in the thinner, there's very seldom a platform to catch you so dying sets you back and then you had to walk back so sprinting is just a complete clutch.

You also had aiming to deal with as far as the Wii remote- This review is for the Switch version, yeah, I knew that it would run a little worse than the other consoles but now I have the experience to talk about specifics and I wanted to play it on the go. The darkness I mentioned can be adjusted, not just in brightness but in color and style for color deficiency. You cannot shake the joycon to spin.

There is a choice to use motion controls when you're spraying but that's the only time it comes up, you already have to have the button pressed down and even then you can just use the analog stick, it's really good either way, no complaints. You can also set it if you're standing still and press the down arrow. The framerate…could dip and there was a time or two where it'd get stuck, the load times can be long (but you don't see a loading screen often) it's just weird to me that the game is a remaster of a game from 2010 and actually has the biggest file size on my Switch and even with all that size, has longer loading screens than comparable titles like Super Mario Odyssey.

And this is especially important for this game because you sometimes have to traverse back and forth between Ostown and Mean Street and whatever to get the side quests done (and sometimes main) and every time you have to speedrun the same pathway level (projector) to get there and each time you jump in or out is a loading screen. Seeing as this is labelled as a remake and not just a remaster, they very well could've made a fast travel. There were some instances like that where the sequel had the feature that I wanted and was hoping that it'd be updated in here like so many remaksters are doing now, Last of Us and Horizon for example.

The one thing that did carry over is that you've probably seen the different skins that you get with either preorder or purchase, there are a few unlockable ones as well. They fit well with the 2.5D levels (Brave Little Tailor for 30s cartoons, Steamboat for 20s). There is a photo mode, it's not as customized in the 2D levels but I definitely had fun with it if you can't tell.

It's the same game but it's not one-to-one, for example, the locations of the power boxes are different in Os-Town, scenes like this look different.

Which is a downgrade in my eyes but some of them are very neutral, like the health bar

…that's a choice, I guess, there was no real need to change it. It definitely makes things more textured and seem a little less rough, look at this platform where you find Pete Pan.

Sometimes more detailed and lush, but sometimes it takes from the scene. Little stuff like goo dripping from the ceiling removed, sometimes it's the overall colors and vibes of a level to either lighten or darken. I can't say whether I like one or the other totally more.

THE GAME

Let's talk about the meat because it's 60$ so I'm going to treat it like it as if it was a brand new game, plus I never reviewed the original and I don't talk about it enough so here we go. I'll cover thinner mode in some other post, this is more or less hero mode.

It's a reasonable amount of hours and honestly time as been gracious to it, whether it be the growing cult status or the fact that it's on other consoles other than the Wii because while the combat still leaves a little to be desired, the gameplay overall is a lot more refined in my eyes.

There are times where your paint can't reach an item, it's not a bad limitation but still in sight, it tells you what's reachable by turning green. But this is especially precise and annoying for the ending with the bloticles. I don't get what it is with games and popping bubbles.

Oswald is in this a lot less than I remember, I always thought of him as making mischief for a level but he kind of shows up just to show you your end goal. Towards the second half he appears a lot more though. It's kind of cool how it's all a Alice Through The Looking Glass type thing and Oswald is the White Rabbit. And all things forgotten, Atlantis, Tron…no Black Cauldron (which fits perfectly) and no Treasure Planet though everything that is popular is all mechanical, an artificial imitation and the way Smee is colored makes it look like the concept art, all inverted from the way we know and it's just-

I really like the idea of having different endings correlating to how you played. When I first played this, I tried to hundred percent it first round and paint absolutely every nook and collect every item and to be honest, I found myself doing a lot of the same stuff I did when I started, it's funny, I have the same thought processes but I've come to the conclusion that if I waste my time on just one collectible, it won't be as fun and I won't want to play it anymore and it's been this long so let me finish it. But there are obvious rewards for either path, one of the first I could tell was having a gremlin in a catapult and a chest on the switch. Remove the chest and it launches the gremlin, remove the gremlin and it locks the chest. There are times you can just thinner brush most things and it'll show a negative outlook on the world itself. You can either clean up your mess with paint or take out the trash and destroy it like it never happened.

There are a lot of things to collect and I had fun just looking in every corner though I found that they seem kind of half-and-half, some going by the wayside like the pins and some being cool like the concept art.

[mercurytrinemoon]

Hi!

So this is genuinely an innocent, unbiased question.

I have always used Placidus but when I read a post on your blog I was swayed into trying the Whole Sign system. It was relatable! I could actually see myself in there. Here's the catch though: I do feel like Placidus resonates more with me. Evaluating myself, being critical but intuitive at the same time, I actually opened my mind completely and went "which one ACTUALLY does feel more accurate?" because the Whole Sign did speak to me in a different way, but the Placidus somehow still feels more accurate.

I guess the question is... How does this work. Because I loved the Whole Sign system. And in a way I guess I want to be stubborn and spoiled and use both 😭 cuz like... I don't know. I have, throughout my journey in these studies of such practices, mixed things and used them in a way that turns things compatible. It's weird and in this case it could be dangerously wrong to do so.

Like, imagine various religions at the same time. I sort of do that in the sense that they all resonate and I mix all of them.

I don't know. Placidus and Whole Signs are, to me, marvelous, although the former is the one that resonates with me the most.

I would also like to ask your thoughts about different astrologers using different systems. From my perspective, it can be done. I actually adore diversity in these studies and think that the more theories the merrier. I feel like different approaches open a whole wider world and for some reason it makes me glad that there are multiple ways of looking into astrology, even though I may have what could be considered an incompatible method or view when it comes to other perspectives, I am happy that there is diversity - to me, it means astrology is such a fascinating, interesting subject do dive deeper and deeper into. Like I could, in 50 years, settle for a specific perspective but to know there are other ways sounds... Oddly comforting. This is weird or maybe I sound like such a naïve amateur (I'm actually not exactly 😭😅) it's just I have always approached everything this way. Like "there is room for everyone."

I ask you because I actually feel like you have an open minded and rather peaceful, sensible nature.

Thank you so much for reading this (and replying if you will)!!!

💜💜💜

Hi!

Omg thank you for the message, it's really sweet. And I'm happy to hear you gave whole sign a chance!

Obviously I don't have the real answers here but I guess we can look at house systems like a language in a way? Or tools to achieve a certain thing? Like using different words to describe the same thing or using different tools to build it - ultimately you get somewhat the same outcome, maybe slightly altered or maybe one that's looked at from a different perspective.

These days I don't even think of looking at charts in placidus and often times I immediately find my answers in whole sign BUT when I did go back and forth between house systems, I sometimes noticed that you can get similar (if not the same) delineations no matter what system you use (also often because usually you have a few indicators in a chart that point to the same thing). Although I did stick with whole sign because I find it the most straightforward, especially in terms of life events and circumstances, which I'm usually the most interested in.

I know it can be very tricky to look at your own chart because most of us are biased towards ourselves haha but just to give an example of my chart: in placidus I have Mars in the 3rd house. But when I switch to whole sign, I'm an aquarius rising so that Mars rules my 3rd house and it's a planet that is in the worst condition in my chart… So we pretty much get the same outcome of having a challenging 3rd house situation. It's just different wording.

And maybe tools that we use to read a chart are somewhat responsible for it as well? The way people read charts? Heck, even take sidereal and vedic approach. If I look at descriptions of my sidereal placements and read about all of the nakshatras and stuff, I see literally nothing that would fit my personality, my life circumstances etc… But I do bet if I went to a proper vedic astrologer, things would resonate a lot more because that astrologer would know how to use the tools to read charts that way. Which… if you think about it, how can two completely different approaches accurately describe the same person? For me that's honestly baffling, a lot more than the house system dispute haha.

I do think there's a place for diversity among astrologers as well. There's soooo many amazing ones, in current times but also looking at the history of astrology - surely we can't reject all the trailblazing work that was done by many throughout the centuries - and some of them used whole sign, some equal, some different variations of quadrant houses. And it all worked!

Although of course, it is easier when you look at what other astrologers are practicing and seeing you use the same system 😅 Cause you know you're gonna agree on stuff. Many times I was talking with someone who uses placidus and I was like "no, no, but this and this panet is in that house in your chart, that's why xyz is happening to you" and it's like you're talking to a wall lol. So gotta admit, it can be a bit challening. Not to mention when someone's a straight up whole sign house hater.

As messy or confusing as it can get, there are astrologers who use two systems at once so I guess everything can be done haha.

Idk if that answer helped in any way. It is an interesting topic and I guess somewhat a taboo among astrologers because most tend to fight over it so it's nice to have an open and respectful conversation about it 😊

[yourloveeka-dailywhispers]

When You Dare to Do Things Differently, Life Opens Up

As I grew older, I’ve been thinking about how easy it is to get stuck in the same routine everyday.

Wake up. Check my phone. Do the same thing. Talk to the same people. Go to bed. Repeat.

It’s not that anything’s wrong but I realized it starts to feel like life is just passing by. No excitement. No growth. Just…autopilot.

I used to think doing the same routine is my comfort zone. It made me feel safe. But, over time, I realized I wasn’t learning anything new. I wasn’t challenging myself.

That’s the tricky part. Routines feel comfortable which give us a sense of stability, a rhythm we can rely on. But, having that same comfort can quietly hold us back. We stop questioning our habits, we stop looking for new experiences, and we get so used to how things are that we forget to ask if this is still what we want. We never realize growth often shows up in the things that feel unfamiliar or a bit scary like trying something we’re not good at yetor breaking out your usual schedule just to see what else is out there.

Lately, I’ve been trying to shake things up a little. Nothing big, just small stuff like:

* Having a walk every afternoon.

* Writing instead of scrolling before bed.

* Saying yes to plans I’d normally turn down.

Doing these things made my days feel more alive.

I’m not saying routines are bad which they actually help but, if we’re not aware of the things we get used to, it can turn into habits that keep us stuck in the same place.

Deep down, I think a lot of us want to feel more awake in our own lives. So, if you’ve been feeling bored, unmotivated, or like something’s missing, maybe it’s not you. Maybe it’s just time to break the pattern. Small steps may feel slow, but they’re how real change actually happens.

Here are a few things to prevent the “autopilot” cycle:

1. Ask yourself one new question a day

Something like, “What would I do today if I wasn’t afraid?” Or “What’s one thing I’ve never done before that I could try this week?”

2. Make space for reflection

Give time to reflect. Journaling can help you catch patterns before they take over. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re stuck until we pause.

3. Set “mini challenges” for yourself

Switch up your usual schedule like doing exercise every morning, rearrange or clean a small part of your space, or doing one to two tasks each day.

4. Surround yourself with curious people

People who try new things, ask big questions, or inspire you to think differently.

5. Protect your time from mindless habits

We often spend time on habits like scrolling or rewatching shows without thinking but they don’t always make us feel better. If something isn’t adding value or peace to your day, try swapping just 10 minutes of it for something more meaningful.

At the end of the day, growth doesn’t always mean big, dramatic changes. Sometimes, it starts with just noticing that you want more out of your days.

You deserve more than just “getting through” life.

You deserve to feel alive in it.

[bardic-inspo]

Writer Interview

Playing some catch up on tags. Tagged by the wonderful @pursuitseternal, @marlowethebard, @nyx-knox, @honeybee-bard, @snowfolly,

and @paganwitchisis holy shit thank you all!!

Not sure who all in my circles has done this already, but gonna tag @wilteddreamsofbaldursgate, @astarionancuntnin, @pinkberrytea, @locallegume, @thedreamlessnights,

@ladymdc, and @carooosa if you see this and would like to do it! No worries if not!

When did you start writing?

Around 13/14 years old, doing warrior cats roleplay on proboards forums. Roleplay isn't really my speed anymore, but it eventually bridged me into more traditional narrative writing and then fanfic later. Fallout 4 was the first fandom I really wrote fanfic for.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I really love intricate long-running plots with slow-burn pay off, and used to write more in that vein, but got pretty burnt out on it. It felt like it would take so long to get to those big moments I pictured the whole time, by the time I arrived to them, they felt played out in my head. Trying to strike a happy medium now by writing (relatively) shorter and more focused fic/storylines that still pack a punch, but maybe have fewer branches.

Otherwise my genre/theme preferences are generally the same with writing vs. reading and are pretty broad.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Not a writer, but I've been told at various times there is a poetical element in a lot of my writing, even in just the sentence structure or how I tend to pace my prose. That makes a lot of sense to me, since I wrote a lot of poetry before getting into writing a lot of prose.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I used too many tricks on my brain to jump start creativity (yummy beverage, cozy blanket, favorite candle when writing) and now my brain often demands all of these things be in place to do any writing 😬I can sometimes get away without all of them. Usually, I'm writing in my office, which is a pretty blue color with some gold picture frames and often a soothing space. But, I do work from home in there at times, too, and on workdays I can't make myself do creative things in the same spot I sat in working all day. Then, I'll be at my dining table or sitting on my couch, usually with headphones because I have a hard time concentrating with other noise around me.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

Self care. I mean, making sure I've got sleep/food/hygiene etc. squared away where they should be, even if it means taking a break from the page. Most of the time when I'm trying hard to write and it's just not jiving, it's because I've neglected one of those things, and the words always come easier once I've addressed them.

Playing the game again. Listening to character music. Chatting with friends who love the character, too.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Yes! A lot of them became apparent to me only after switching fandoms and realizing I was writing about a lot of similar themes. Grief is a big one. Characters who've experienced both a lack of love and a loss of it. Characters who fall in love again or in spite of that loss. The main ships I've written for all feature characters who either loved someone else first or, in Astarion's case, have gone through the forced motions of romance.

Battle couples is another big one. Bisexual battle couples. 🥰

What is your reason for writing?

It's always felt like something I needed to do to feel whole. Not necessarily the sharing the writing or posting it part, or getting a reaction about it, but doing it at all, even just a little. Even if it's just for me. I feel more me when writing is at least a small part of my life. More free. It's my creative outlet.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I adore any comment. I'm borrowing this from someone else's interview post, but I too am a slut for praise. In all honesty though, just knowing I'm not writing into some void or vacuum can be so powerful. Even just a heart emoji comment makes my spirits soar.

The ones that go full red string and corkboard about the plot or characters, or quote what parts stick out to them always stick with me. It lets me know I'm hitting the mark with what I'm trying to convey.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I want them to know I'm still good for it even if it takes me a long time.💜That's the biggest thing to me right now. I'm not able to pour it out so quickly as others can. But I hope they know it'll be a good time when I do eventually post.

And also that I'm just some lady. I'm just another human bean. Wanting to share and enjoy stories with other human beans, and connect with a sense of community through those stories.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Visceral/punchy action scenes, vivid descriptions, setting tone, and portraying character personalities.

How do you feel about your own writing?

My feelings about it change with the tides. Right now, I'm a bit glum, and I think that's because I haven't had much to share or post lately, even though I've been doing lots of writing that isn't ready to be shared yet. On the other hand, I'm having the most fun with it that I've had in a very long time, and that element feels great.

I'm grateful for what I've done, incredibly blessed to have made friends and found community through writing, and ever-striving to find the happy medium of productivity and creativity.

When you write, are you influenced by what others enjoy might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

It's mostly what I'd like hehe. And I'm happy about that. I am often inspired to try things based on what I see in fandom, but if I don't enjoy it, too, I won't pursue it further.

[july-19th-club]

Do you have multiple books in progress concurrently, and read them all one chapter at a time??? This is unimaginable to me.

well, not ALWAYS, but...uh.....yeah, when i wanna really have fun then yes, the way that i read books is best described as "ridiculous," "overcomplicated," and "absurd". i love it.

it usually starts out with like one book but then i start reading another one and then another book catches my eye etc etc and eventually i wind up with a stack of like six books at once (i try not to go over six, because then it'd take me multiple months to get through them all). my current stack of books that i'm reading are in the pic:

[image description: a stack of mostly library books on op's tv shelf. they are, as follows: "The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer" by Siddhartha Mukherjee, "Let Me Tell You," a collection of short stories and essays by Shirley Jackson, "Babel" by R.F. Kuang, "The Well of Sacrifice" by Chris Eboch, and "The Amulet of Samarkand" by Jonathan Stroud.]

and what i do is i read a chapter of the top book and i stick it on the bottom of the stack and the next time im ready to read - might immediately or it might be after a chore or it might be the next day - i read a chapter from the next book on the stack. then i stick it on the bottom and the cycle continues. now, because not all of the books have the same number of chapters, of course, i'll finish some of them before others. in my current stack "The Well of Sacrifice", the second one from the bottom in the pic, is the one i'm closest to being done with. when i finish it i'll put a new book in its spot in the order - not on the very top, not on the very bottom - because that would be 'cheating' and trying to skew the odds to make one book finish quicker than the others. unless the book is REALLY good, i don't stop and finish it all at once; i finish them when i finish them. how do i not lose track of books like this you ask? i don't know, my mom used to ask me the same thing when i picked out ten books from the school library at once in fifth grade; i just never have. all the books are about very different things. why would i get them confused? don't you get bored with a book sometimes? of course. that's why there's the stack. if a book is really dull, i only have to read a chapter of it before i can switch things up, but being able to do that keeps me motivated to finish even the boring books. AND if a book is really, really exciting, the stack makes me pace myself so i don't fuck up my sleep schedule or lose track of time for hours reading. i love my stack and i love to sort and yes, i am most very probably autistic

[butchmustard]

what up ‼️‼️

im marsh / mustard

23 years of age

any pronouns

butch transsexual bear.

intersex and bigender.

queer leather faggot-dyke.

bratty daddy dog. rabid piss mutt. big old verse-switch.

catch me crying at the kink bar.

cute but mean dom. big pain freak. oral slave. pathetic shoe sub. bootblack in training. has secrets i won't tell.

this blog will be silly things and stuff that relates to my experiences. and gay sex.

i don't care what you think about me, my kinks, my experiences or the labels i use.

im not fussy i'll just block you if i don't like you idc. you have free will so do i baby

flirt, get freaky, T4T, butches and femmes- Oh My!

just don't be a fucking weirdo

minors i'll block you lol

more shit about me.... if u even care....💔

• uk (boooo)

• autistic asf (who isn't on this website be fr)

• im a furry....😔

• things i like a normal amount include:

the lion king, sonic the hedgehog, scooby doo, gravity falls, always sunny, rock formations, paleontology, prehistoric mammals, bdsm and kink, queer art, star trek, the colour yellow, bears (the animal, and the subculture), theatre, snails, and ceramics.

• if you're a real nosy parker, i don't mind sharing my intersex variation is a form of CAH. it might also be a different form than what's been identified, or paired with another variation.

• if u really give that much of a fuck;

my identity is complex but i am basically a trans man and a butch woman at the same time, that's as best as i can describe it. i live my life as a non binary trans man and pass as a cis man, though i do sometimes take the steps to appear more androgynous depending on how I feel.

it's hard to figure out a concrete label other than queer for my sexuality. i am pretty fluid. i often just describe myself as butch. being intersex (and also not knowing this for a number of years!) has made things more complicated for me.

if you have a problem with me being confusing or conflicting then idfk what to tell you, get a hobby or somethin yknow

[dojae-huh]

I can't believe I found ur acc after about 3 whole years of searching that was long.. I read ur blog in like 2020/2021 I think and ever since, I've never come across someone with such a unique take on jaedo. I secretly enjoy ur blog ngl. I need to read the whole thing ^^

I liked how you mentioned that jaedo are already in a relationship and that was very different from my thoughts on them cuz to me jaehyun was still pinning on doyoung and it has always been a one sided or maybe even unrequited love..

But observing jaedo over the years till now, the theories are always endless. Like how I'm now sure doyoung knows very well jaehyun has feelings for him but he doesn't know how to reciprocate the feelings.

One day it's like dy can go well with jaehyun's little flirting remarks and banter then the next he's completely ignoring his entire presence??

To understand where dy stands will always be complicated but with jaehyun, how come he's so patient and so understanding to wait for all these years? Unless they're already dating, but that's a stretch. To me at least I can't see it like that.

If jaedo are currently going out, then I'd say it's very cruel to jaehyun cuz of what normally happens. It's been years, and doyoung only gives his attention to jh sometimes (oncam) while for jaehyun he'll break his neck for dy even at the slightest mention of his name.

One thing that helped me from ur blog was how u mentioned the thing about jaehyun's mother and how strict she was and the way he would want her to praise him by doing stuff like washing the dishes and stuff. It really put everything into perspective.

Jaehyun is braver than doyoung, that's for sure, but he's not brave enough to confess to dy. His teasing and small compliments are a way to get doyoungs attention to focus on him he hasn't done anything more. Same with how he washed the dishes, he'll do everything to make dy notice him but a confession hasn't happened yet I fear. (Even tho dy probably knows by know, and the entirety of ilichil)

I always ask myself this question who has the upper hand in jaedo (that's a bit toxic :*) but to me it's like who has a say in the relationship and how to move forward with it. My answer has always been dy but it recently changed.

The same way jh was the first one to catch feels (obvi) he'll be the same person to organise his thoughts and feelings if things don't work out with dy. I Wish him all the luck btw :( (dy is my ult jh is just a bias)

But if jaehyun suddenly pulls away from dy completely how will dy react? I feel like doyoung is not honest with his feelings, he might not like or even like jh but it's like he doesn't want to address it at all. (My opinion is purely based on observing them over the years)

I think the time for jaedo closure is a now or never thing. cuz with the military enlistment coming soon things might never go well for them.

Hi, welcome back.

Well, as much as it is interesting to read another person's point of view, to know how the same events are interpreted by a different mind, I can't agree to entertain your version. There are no endless possibilities. And it's not me being stubborn or narrow-minded or wishful-thinking, I simply considered all scenarios and scratched off those that are not supported by the facts from reality.

You say you observe JaeDo over the years, but it seems from your words you are too moved by the daily fluctuations. You look at the waves and not the sea bottom underneath. And you are talking about two grown up gay men like they are teenagers in Victorian era.

They are all fake on camera. Jaehyun, Doyoung, Haechan, Yuta with his Mark. It is not their life, it is their job. They have personas, images. Doyoung directly says his boyfriend pics for Insta is image, that they live the life of pretence, that he switches from Doyoung to Dongyoung. And yet, many still put too much importance on what happens before cameras. I mean, it definitely helps to draw the picture, but it's not their personal life.

Do a thought experiment. Ask yourself why would Jaehyun be still in love with Doyoung after all these years if all he ever knows is Doyoung being cruel to him? Is Jaehyun a masochist? Doyoung ignores him and Jaehyun instead of suffering sends him a megaton watt smile back his direction? When Doyoung really ignores Jaehyun, Jaehyun makes Doyoung's life hard (how it was in 2017). Jaehyun is not a patient guy, nor is he capable of yelding to others on things that matter to him.

JaeDo live in a homophobic society, but not in one where coming out means being thrown off the roof of a building. Dating a collegue or confessing, being rejected, and moving on is a much more usual and healthy way to pestering feelings over 10 years. They work 24/7 together, they can't afford endless pining or endless denial of feelings unless they are both internally homophobic (which they are not).

The common sense aside. JaeDo still pining after each other is simply not supported by what is observed in reality. For starters, there won't be any reason to pretend to dislike each other on public instead of being second TaeDo. As well as being censored by the company. They have to lie to the public because they are honest with themselves.

P.S. You watch too little content. Jaehyun said he is the type to confess right away. While Doyoung said he thinks if you love someone you should let the person know.

[juliasdowntonstuff]

for the ask game 🦋 💌 💕 & 🌸?

4 at once? Who told you I was stalling getting work done? Anyway, thank you!

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

sarcastic. emotional. artistic (or at least I'd like to be)

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

Oh yeah, all the time. I think I actually talk more to myself than I do to other people. And sometimes I also catch myself switching languages. Whenever I do that, it is such a weird sensation because I never have any reason for doing so and it usually takes me a while to realise.

💞 @ your favorite blog.

I can't choose. There are different blogs for different things, and even for the same things, my favourite sometimes changes. So I can't answer you that, not without possibly wanting to change my answer in 5 minutes.

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

I can't think of one definitive answer to that yet again, so I will just talk about the most recent one. A very dear friend of mine has said that in my writing one can feel how much love and hurt I have in me, and that they like how my experiences are woven into the story I am working on. While that might not sound like the stereotypical compliment to most, especially the first part, it really meant an awful lot to me. It reminded me that these two emotions are most certainly not mutually exclusive, which is what I had increasingly begun to feel like (while leaning quite heavily on the hurt side). They coexist and often even cause each other. It is easy to forget that there is hurt in love and it is also easy to forget love through hurt. I really needed that reminder at that time, and I needed it today again. So, thank you!

[marshmallowprotection]

Kait~ it's been a while, I've been doing alright, I have been obsessed with pokemon and my last grade started a while ago. Tomorrow I'm also getting some more Blue Period merch I ordered! One thing in it is a special sketchbook that it's only in Japanese and I can't wait to try and translate it myself slowly and slowly, I have been doing decent progress with Japanese, after all.

Knowing two languages and going for a third one can be scary but I've been having fun learning it, even if I struggle a lot at some parts. I'm able to pick up on a LOT of words, actually, it's just I can't put them together in a sentence yet but I'm slowly learning more and more! It's not my main main focus right now but I have been getting back slowly into watching anime and catching up with some things.

How have you been? I still use Tumblr but not as much. I hope you have been doing well! If you want, please ramble about anything you want.^^

I wanted to ramble kinda about Yatora from Blue Period, I'm happy to say I'm getting more comfortable with my self-ship with him and also Saeyoung as well. Even though my main focus is Yatora, I still look at Saeyoung images from time to time!

Well, I won't be really saying spoilers about Blue Period but I have noticed a lot about Yatora. Sometimes, he is completely different from Saeyoung but they are some things they are similar to!

One thing is that they both go fishing! To be honest, Yatora was kinda dragged into it at first but now he seems to like doing it! I can imagine Saeyoung being competitive with a smirk and Yatora just awkwardly smiling as Saeyoung gets all the fish SKSJDHS

Important fact, they both blush a lot! I can definitely say Yatora blushes way more than Saeyoung but I love them having red on their cheeks, it's so so cuteeeee!! Yatora seems quite more emotional than Saeyoung so you'll see him cry a lot, even if he is happy it's so SKDHSHDH

We pretty much know how Saeyoung acts when he is mad so when Yatora gets mad, he thinks about it a lot and he gets hurt usually a lot if it's something with him. At least we know that he doesn't really lay a finger on anyone, no matter how mad he is, he usually just gets close while glaring daggers and talks lowly. Yatora doesn't really hold grudges and even tends to forget/leave it behind him pretty much!

One thing I adore is that they are probably taller than me MSMSMS and they both wear glasses, too! Yatora mostly wears contacts but he does switch to glasses when studying and other occasions!

A thing I found absolutely hilarious is that Yatora isn't that good with kids while Saeyoung is SKFBAJDHSJ we also know that Yatora sometimes cooks (to even avoid art block sometimes MSMSMS)

While Saeyoung doesn't really. Another thing they are total opposites about is that Yatora can consume alcohol (quite a lot too) and even smoke sometimes (usually when he feels horribly mentally but he doesn't do this that much now from what I've seen)

Even though he doesn't really get drunk, Yatora actually gets drunk from coffee for some reason AHAHAHAH- Yatora is also one of the best/smartest students in his school even if he messed around with his friends all day, it reminds me a lot of Saeyoung when he was studying back then!

I also love how much Yatora notices about the people around him. I'm guessing that Saeyoung probably does the same especially when he had to observe targets on missions as well. And can I just say how I ADORE that they both have yellow/gold eyes??? I could stare into their eyes forever HOLYYYY

I'm sure there's more stuff I missed but I will say these last ones~ Saeyoung is more outgoing while Yatora is quite shy and I found that really nice. Yatora kindaa goes wild if he is out drinking with friends but later on he is more calm. But it's really interesting how he can be quite timid at times.

Also Yatora's parents are really supporting and wholesome later on, it's really nice and sometimes really funny when I see them MSSMSMM while we know Saeyoung's is well.. yeah-

They do have some similarities but are total opposites to some stuff

I'll stop here but I'll probably come back when I remember more! I really wanna get back into writing self-inserts~ although I have other stuff to do first..^^"

Take care and rest well, Kait! We don't talk much but I really enjoy talking with you, I really hope you have been doing well. I hope you and Saeran rest in his garden and spend lots of great times together!

I do genuinely think it's interesting how we can find a way to allow our favorite characters to relate to each other as well as find the ways that they are different. It can be intriguing if only because it helps us better understand why we like those characters in the first place, and while you might find something that overlaps with another trait, you'll find that there is something else entirely there is well that the two of them may not have in common at all and you didn't expect to like a character like that.

I've definitely got a few like that.

I genuinely don't know what it is but people who enjoy Saeyoung… just end up liking other characters that can fish. I don't know how to explain this commonality but many people I know who like our red-headed hacker spend a lot of time somehow stumbling on to other characters who just happened to enjoy fishing for whatever reason.

I don't know what this means but apparently, it's just something that keeps happening these days. I actually don't know a lot of people in real life who enjoy fishing, but my God, what is it about fishing with these characters? 

I wish you all the luck in the world when it comes to learning another language because God knows that isn't easy in the slightest.

I struggle with English and that is my main and only language. Sometimes, words just look fake and I don't know what to do with that. But, I always commend people who are willing to go through the trouble of trying to learn another language. It takes a lot of time and commitment to be able to understand all of the rules that go into what makes communication click. 

I'm doing all right! focusing on all of the fun things I want to write about with Saeran because God knows I’m nowhere close to being done with him. He lives rent-free in my brain and he always will because I've been doing this for seven years straight and nothing’s stopping me. Hm, but as far as what I've been doing... I spend a lot of time in my RP Discord and working on my next fic!

Oh, and naps.

God knows I need a nap.

[awardwinningshowhorse]

usually im decently okay at being normal about having a personality disorder. it's not like there's a notification in my head that indicates when im switching behaviors, mindsets, beliefs, etc. so i dont usually think about it. but i recently keep switching around in a way that's notable and distressing

i go between hating and loving people, and sometimes it's not even exactly splitting it's straight up just like... logically defined hatred. like usually splitting is generally an emotional problem for me but sometimes i'll be relaxed and have a whole yap session in my brain about how much i dislike someone. i don't know how to interact with people consistently and ive been clocking myself treating f² in various different ways. i keep going from hating n seeing him as lesser, to praising n uplifting him, to not being emotionally associated with him in the slightest, to craving intimacy with him, etc. and it's just some weird rapidfire switch. sometimes i catch myself being intentionally aggressive or antagonistic towards him and i don't even know why im doing it. i imagine he's very sick of me and my behaviors, though, because it's probably hard trying to love someone who acts like they actively hate you all the time n then switches to being affectionate and sweet. i don't do this type of switching to friends as much but i know people have said i actively will act different all the time

another thing that has been kinda bothering me is i feel like my identity keeps switching between different concepts too. in this specific instance it's sexuality. and the easy answer is human sexuality is complicated and im likely some mix of all three, and my sense of identity changes according to my emotions, but like. it's still so fucking annoying. because most times i feel like im decently straightforward aroace and then other times i feel like i can act super sexually OR romantically allotypical. never a combo of both at the same time thankfully but it's still so fucking annoying. i don't really care about having a label obv but it's vaguely irritating to go from being physically attracted to a partner, being repulsed/indifferent the next, and then being romantically attracted again. like maybe it's just because i experience really intense emotions, and maybe it's just confusing my brain when i crave intimacy in those areas, but still bruh. again especially annoying because usually switches are emotionally charged and cognitively blind but sometimes they're logical!!!! so they feel real!!

i have more to say but im in pain and too tired to write morw

[libra-stellium]

TW: narc mom

This just unlocked something in my brain about an aspect of my communication style lol mostly in romantic relationships but sometimes with friends too

I have a lot of anxiety around communication! I answer everyone pretty much immediately and it stresses me out so bad sometimes when other people don’t lol already working on it! I knew that this was an effect of how my narc mom raised me bc if I didn’t answer her immediately she would spiral emotionally and even though it was directed at me I would be the one to put her back together after. To avoid that I would just respond! This also meant that I used not responding and not communicating as a way to get back at her when she hurt me 🙃 bc I knew it would cause her to spiral lollll but sometimes I really did just want to be left alone and ignoring her was the only way to get some mental peace! Then I obvi thought this was normal and applied it to my other relationships too!

The other aspect that was just unlocked is the mode of communication! Over the course of me being in the US I went through so many different ways to communicate with my mother and they always “failed” lol

1. Buying international calling cards to call! This failed bc she kept getting upset that she was the one calling me and I wasn’t calling her lol I was 11-12 🤷🏾‍♀️

2. Skype!! This was when I got a laptop to use in school so then I would connect to my neighbor’s WiFi bc my aunt didn’t have internet. This failed bc I wasn’t trying hard enough to find internet….?? Who knows lol I was also again not calling and she was.

3. Facebook messenger and video 😩 the whole “Read at 11:33am” was the bane of my existence!! Every day it was something and it was how come you saw my message and didn’t respond?!?!? Or I saw you were online but you didn’t talk to me who were you talking to!? Omgggg

4. WhatsApp lol now it was like texting! Those delivered and read arrows were now the bane of my existence! My message was delivered why aren’t you reading it?? Or calling me on there and video calling! I used to talk to some other people on WhatsApp and I literally stopped talking to them on there so I wouldn’t accidentally open her messages until I was ready an could have the excuse of oh I don’t go on there often omg

5. iMessage 😩 the last one! Not much different from WhatsApp lol but now I couldn’t say I don’t use the app that much anymore bc it’s just a regular part of the phone!

Every single time we switched there was this understanding or hopefulness I guess that this new way of communicating would “fix” our issues! I just realized that I took this into other relationships too!! I remember with one ex I would get so anxious when he didn’t respond to texts that I would “CASUALLY” (omg 😭) start sending him stuff on socials bc I had this same underlying belief that changing the mode of communication would fix things. With another ex I did the same thing like why are you reading and not responding and I would stop texting and just message on socials instead again as if it was the mode of commutation that was the issue rather than he just didn’t like me lmfao

I haven’t dated in a while so idk how different I am now lol but sometimes I still catch myself doing it with friends like if they haven’t answered my text in a while and they send me something on socials I react like “I’m not opening it bc they didn’t open mine” 😭😩

My moon and my mercury are conjunct so I’m always in this place of like if you don’t talk to me you must hate me omg like logically I know that’s not true and I catch it a lot of times but it still feels bad!