#And she said to me REALLY dismissively There was no internet then; how would he look into it?

[indecisive-capricorn]

Priorities || Miguel O'Hara x Wife Reader

WARNINGS: Loads of fluff, a few mentions of blood, mentions of pain, slight angst, children, Mama O'Hara in action, Baby O'Hara, stubborn Miguel O'Hara, father Miguel O'Hara, etc.

SUMMARY: Miguel got injured after a mission and you insist for your stubborn husband to go to the medical center.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I got all of the medical information, especially the teething one, from the internet, so take it with a grain of salt since I didn't do much research on it. If it's wrong, please tell me and I'll correct it as soon as I can. :) And I know I'm a little late to publish this but I had to rewrite it twice because it kept on not getting saved.

MASTERLIST & REQUESTS: Before you go, have a glass of wine or better yet, recommend a good bottle. any kind of message is always a delight.

"She won't like this," Lyla remarked as she observed Miguel who was focused on tying the wound on his arm with a bandage. He didn't respond to Lyla's words, leading her to point out, "That cut isn't small either. It'll bleed right through the bandage if you keep it for long."

Miguel merely grumbled in response, feeling discomfort from his wound, while Lyla studied his wounded arm, concerned about the potential of an infection.

"I'm only going to check on the recruits' reports for a minute," Miguel voiced under his mask, before narrowing his eyes at Lyla, "and don't tell her about this. She already has enough to worry about."

Lyla rolled her eyes at Miguel's command, but surprisingly, she stayed silent instead of pestering him to tell you about his recent injury. It was unusual for her since Lyla would usually insist for Miguel to update you about everything after he had finished his missions, especially if he got injured. However, Miguel made no comment about it, not wanting to jinx his luck or change Lyla's mind to not pester him about it like last time.

When Miguel went into his office, expecting to see a large pile of reports on his desk, he was instead met with the sight of you standing in front of his desk, holding the baby car seat that carried your sleeping baby boy. Miguel would usually be in awe at the sight of his little boy and his beautiful wife, and he would have done so at that very moment. However, it was impossible for Miguel to not notice the intense glare you were shooting at him, telling him that he had fucked up.

"Whoops! I forgot to tell you, she's already in your office," Lyla said casually, her tone nonchalant, as if she had known about your arrival and purposely chose not to tell Miguel. And he couldn't shake the feeling that Lyla did do it on purpose.

Miguel cursed in his mind and made a mental note to find a way to get Lyla to notify him of your arrival at HQ in the future, although he knew it would most likely fail due to how much she adore you over him.

"Miguel O'Hara," your voice was sharp and stern yet it was laced with concern as well, your eyes glancing back and forth between his face and his wound, "why aren't you at the medical center right now?"

"I need to check on the reports, cariño," Miguel stated, already expecting your disbelief and the scolding you were going to give him for his stubbornness. Before you could voice your protest to Miguel, he interjected, "I was only going to take them and check it in the medical center while they treat me."

That wasn't Miguel's original plan though. He had intended to put off going to the medical center for as long as he could to continue working, possibly only going to the medical center at the last hour of the day. That way, you wouldn't scold him for not treating his wound and ban him from going on missions for a while, which you have done in the past. You can be a really scary lady at times. Although he was very intelligent, Miguel tend to be obsessed with finishing his work at times to the point that he would dismiss his wounds and insist that they were only "small scratches".

They weren't just "small scratches".

And knowing your husband's tendencies, you found it hard to believe that he had planned to take the reports to the medical center with him instead of continuing his work in his office. Raising an eyebrow, Miguel was prepared for you to question him about it. However, instead of pressing further on the matter, you surprised Miguel by asking, "And have you eaten yet before your mission?"

"Of course I have—" Miguel paused mid-sentence, suddenly realizing that he hadn't eaten anything before the mission. In fact, the only thing preventing him from experiencing gastric pains was likely the peanut butter and jelly sandwich you had made for him that morning. However, at that moment, Miguel also realized the reason you had come to headquarters- he had forgotten to bring the homemade lunch you had packed for him before he left for work.

Tilting his head slightly to the side, he caught a glimpse of the lunch box you had brought for him on his desk, along with a small note containing your usual declarations of love for him, which never failed to bring him motivation. He cherished these notes, keeping them secretly tucked away in a special place.

"Mi vida, how long have you been waiting for me?" Guilt began to brew in Miguel's stomach, knowing that you wouldn't mind waiting for him to return from his mission just to catch a glimpse of him for a moment.

You shook your head gently. "I didn't mind waiting," you responded back, avoiding his question. The mission had stretched on for more than three hours, and with it already being around three o'clock in the afternoon, and the fact that you weren't one to delay meals, Miguel knew you had likely been waiting for almost three hours for him as well.

Before Miguel could respond, he felt something trickling down his arm. Looking down, he saw blood seeping from his wound. You quickly rushed to Miguel's side and inspected the injury, a frown forming on your face. "We have to go to the medical center now before it gets infected," you firmly said, taking no arguments from him. "The reports can wait. It won't be the end of the world, amor. Peter and the others will take care of it."

Miguel nodded and gently took the baby car seat from you with his uninjured arm, though you tried to protest, insisting that he was in no condition to carry anything and that you were perfectly capable of carrying baby Benjamin yourself.

As he carried Benjamin, Miguel felt a wave of guilt wash over him for forgetting to bring the homemade lunch you had worked so hard on to work, especially since you were barely getting enough rest lately from taking care of Benjamin who recently began having teething pains and became increasingly restless due to it.

Miguel had done his best to help soothe Benjamin's teething pain whenever he could, even taking a few days off work to care for him alongside you at home. However, he eventually had to return to work, as the Spider Society needed him physically for missions as well. At first, Miguel wanted to hide his injury from you to avoid adding more stress, but he knew you would find out about his wound eventually.

On the way to the medical center, Miguel made sure to be mindful of his steps, not wanting to wake Benjamin up. The last thing either of you needed was for him to wake up, especially since the poor baby was already struggling to sleep due to his teething pain.

When Miguel arrived at the medical center, the spider-healer in charge was slightly surprised to see him, knowing how stubborn he could be and how he sometimes insisted on treating his own wounds. However, it made sense to the healer when you arrived alongside him. The spider-healer pulled aside a chair for Miguel to sit on while they began treating the wound on his arm.

Throughout the treatment, Miguel remained quiet, only grunting slightly as the healer worked. You watched the healer's movements carefully, placing a comforting hand over Miguel's to soothe him. A moment after the healer was finished stitching Miguel's wound up, Benjamin began to cry from the baby car seat, slowly waking up from his slumber.

Miguel's eyes softened as he watched you lift the crying baby from the car seat, cradling him close to your chest. You rocked Benjamin gently back and forth, murmuring soft words of comfort as you rubbed his back soothingly. Benjamin's cries gradually softened, feeling warmth from his mother's embrace.

"Did you have a nightmare, Benji?" You asked the seven month old in a gentle tone, as he lifted his head from your chest, his eyes looking around his surroundings until he stopped at Miguel. With a soft noise, Benjamin leaned towards his father, seeking comfort in his arms.

Miguel's heart swelled with warmth at Benjamin's action, and he carefully accepted him into his arms, mindful of his stitched arm. Despite the caution, you could see Miguel's eyes sparkle with love and adoration as he held Benjamin close.

Miguel chuckled affectionately as Benjamin grabbed a handful of his dark hair with his tiny hands. "Did you miss me, tesoro?" he asked Benjamin, his voice filled with warmth. In response, Benjamin babbled happily, his tiny hands still tightly gripping Miguel's hair.

"I'm sorry for not telling the truth to you, mi amor," Miguel apologized to you sincerely, his voice laced with regret. With Benjamin now distracted by the toys you had brought, Miguel took a moment to express his remorse, gazing into your eyes for forgiveness.

He reached out, gently grasping your hand, his thumb rubbing over your knuckle in a comforting gesture. "You were already stressed with Benjamin, and I didn't want to worry you any more with my injury," Miguel explained softly.

You sighed, expressing your concerns gently but firmly. "Miggy, I'm always grateful for how hard you work for our family, and I understand how important your role is in the Spider Society. But I sometimes get worried that you're not taking care of yourself properly at work like you used to, especially after what happened today," you frowned, knowing that Miguel's old work habits were hard to shake off.

As you intertwined your fingers with his, you continued, your voice filled with genuine care, "You getting injured worries me a lot, but what worries me more is the way you brush off your injuries and continue pushing yourself as if nothing happened."

Worry was evident in your eyes. "Please promise me that you'll prioritize your health over your work and treat your wounds properly after missions. And if you're struggling to remember to eat and drink, I can come by here everyday and remind you about it. I'm still on maternity leave, remember?" You added with a reassuring smile, showing him how much you care about his health.

He squeezed your hand gently. "I remember, and you're right. I promise to take better care of myself for you and Benjamin," He leaned in to press a tender kiss to your forehead, feeling grateful for your love and care.

Benjamin, ever the adorable child he is, wiggled his way between you and Miguel, continuing to babble joyfully. With chubby fingers, he repeatedly pointed to his cheek, a clear invitation for you and Miguel to leave kisses.

"Do you want a kiss too, Benji?" you cooed, your voice filled with affection and awe at the little boy's action. Without waiting for an answer, you peppered Benjamin with kisses all over his face, earning delighted squeals of laughter from him.

Miguel couldn't help but chuckle, staring at you and Benjamin with a smile, as he was silently thankful for the chance to have his own family again.

[drmaddict]

One or Two Books my Ass

Summary: modern!Aegon writes erotic books. (Y/n) finds out and Aegon's self-doubt takes over.

Wordcount: 658

Warnings: mention of a mommy kink (like in the last sentence), no use of (Y/n), no actual smut, just fluff

"No! NO!" Aegon snatched the pages, she had found on his desk from her hand and pressed them to his chest.

She looked at him in bewilderment. "Did you write this?"

"No.", he said sulkily. "That's... from the internet", he babbled and put the thin script in a lockable drawer.

"Ah. And the editor's notes were from the internet too?"

Aegon's face looked stubbornly at the drawer. "Just a hobbie.", he muttered, but his jaw was grinding. He left the room, but she quickly followed him.

"That's really good!", she called after him. "Aegon, I'm serious. You're writing?"

He flopped down on the sofa in the living room. He sighed. "I might have one or two books... published.", he sulked.

She sat down next to him, irritated. "That's actually something most people would be proud of, mouse." She put his legs on her thighs and stroked his calves.

He stubbornly looked at the ceiling. "I write porn. Go on. Make fun of me." he grumbled. "Like everyone else." He mumbled so quietly that she almost didn't hear him.

"You write erotica and it seems you do it very well. It's not an easy genre."

He laughed spitefully. "Sure."

She sighed. Who had told him again, that it wasn't worth anything? His brother? His mum? She continued to stroke his leg. "Tell me. Who put the flea in your ear?"

He closed his eyes in surrender. "My nephew - Luke - found my first script. It was about to be published. I was actually kind of proud." He scratched at the bit of callus on his thumb, as he always did when he got nervous. "He ran into the dining room and read it out loud, laughing. The rare times my father looked at me, he just looked at me dismissively, my mum was ashamed of me and Aemond was almost bursting with glee for my embarrassment. From then on, my nephews only called me Porn-Shakspear."

He curled up and buried his face in the pillows.

"Why are you still doing it if you're so embarrassed?", she asked gently.

"It makes money.", he mumbled.

She laughed. "Your family is rich."

"But it's my money.", he explained sadly. "I'm not a lawyer. I'm not a CEO. I'm not a manager. I'm not smart, but... apparently I can, do that..." He sighed devotedly. "At least I can do that."

She squeezed herself between him and the back of the sofa. She gently pulled him into her arms. He buried his face in her chest. "I really like it. Apart from that, I actually really like reading things like that. Do you have a pen name? Maybe I've read something of yours before.", she smiled and kissed the top of his head.

"A.I.I. Black.", he just mumbled.

"What?", she blurted out?

He looks up at her in confusion. Fear was in his eyes.

"I bloody love your books!", she declared.

He blushed and buried himself against her chest again.

"Do you know, how many times we read you at book club?", she asked with a laugh.

"Stop it.", he whined, wrapping his arms tighter around her waist so she couldn't force him to look at her.

She gave up and started stroking his hair. He was almost purring at that.

"One or two books my ass. Bestsellers Aegon! Several worldwide bestsellers! Wait a minute. How much do you make from that?"

He bit his lip in embarrassment. "Let's just say it's weird being a billionaire heir and a self-made millionaire at the same time."

"You bloody little genius." She tousled his hair. "And your asshole-family probably doesn't even suspect a thing."

"So you're not embarrassed by me?", he asked meekly.

"Of course not.", she mumbled softly into his hair, "But-"

He did look up now. She grinned. "I have a few things I want to try."

He smiled. "Anything you want... Mommy?"

"My good boy.", she praised and kissed him quickly on his forehead.

"Fuck."

[auspicioustidings]

Right, if you consider yourself rad fem or gender critical I'm asking you to be open minded for the next few minutes and really try think about what I'm saying here.

I think that you think you are right, but nobody is immune to propaganda. Not me and not you. We are, all of us, being taught everyday to forgo our humanity in favour of upholding systems of oppression that hurt everybody. Systems of oppression that have had centuries to sophisticate their methods, the sneaky trap is letting you believe you are somehow too clever to ever buy the cruelty they are selling you.

I apologised sincerely to my best friend this year for a conversation we had in a car a year ago and I want to tell you about it because I think you could learn something from it.

We were talking about rape culture and I was going off about how women suffer under patriarchy. He mentioned that he has been sexually assaulted before as a man and it was by a woman. And do you know what I did? Probably what you if you are a rad fem would have done, I scolded him for trying to make a discussion about the suffering of women about him.

I turned to my best friend, a man I love, and fucking dismissed him out of hand when he was talking about something traumatic that happened to him. I put my anger at a system that hurts everybody above having a shred of humanity for the person sat next to me.

He graciously accepted my apology and said he understood why I had reacted that way. But we also talked about how his social media algorithms are constantly trying to shove him into alt right echo chambers and how careful he has to be because it can happen so fast that his feed starts to change.

And that is also what happens to EVERYONE. It is happening to you. Algorithmic radicalisation is a known phenomenon. Do you know who actually benefits from you hating any group of people for something about themselves they cannot change? The structures of oppression that you want to dismantle.

I mean this kindly because I understand how you might have wound up here and that it's hard to try and consider that you might be wrong, but you are being manipulated. Misandry leads to transphobia leads to racism leads to misogynoir. To you it might sound ridiculous, but I promise you that the minute you start losing humanity for the people you share the planet with, every structure of oppression that you are against will sink it's claws right into you. There is a reason that Joanne Rowling now attacks cis black women, she fell into the trap that you are going to fall into if you don't start trying to change.

Rad fem ideology is one of the funnels into the alt right. Neither me nor you wants you in two years time to have lost your humanity and be parroting talking points that you right now would find abhorrent because you get trapped in an echo chamber.

And yes, people are going to be mean to you over this even if you try to unlearn it because you're going to make mistakes. Your job is to recognise that you have caused hurt and you cannot expect everybody to just forgive that. Your job is to recognise you are not safe for some people and that is not going to change overnight.

The patriarchy thrives when you start cutting off your humanity to the people around you, do not let it win. It thrives when you start practicing gender essentialism, the same concept that the patriarchy runs on.

If none of this is sounding worrying to you as a rad fem then I as a stranger on the internet am not going to change your mind, so you are fully not welcome on my blog until you can start learning to change.

[aj-lenoire]

maybe it’s just the subsection of the internet that tumblr encourages but man do i see a lot of dismissal or outright dislike for nancy on here and it bums me out

if she was a guy she would be easily as popular as steve, jonathan and eddie. her friend goes missing and it immediately becomes her number one priority to find out what happened, to the point that all and any other personal drama—jonathan photographing her without her consent, steve being a bit of an asshole after a misunderstanding—becomes a total back burner. she never even demands an apology from Jonathan for that!! steve apologises off his own back but nancy forgives jonathan (whether rightly or not is up to you) immediately because she is now 100% focussed on finding barb and will

further, her survivor’s guilt is fucking her up even a year later, so she takes on the entire government (in the public sphere!! no one else in the show does this!!) to get justice for her murdered friend and closure for said friend’s distressed family, who were on the verge of bankrupting themselves to get their daughter back

in season three nancy is one of the ONLY people to realise shit is up right away. we all point out how no one seems to believe joyce even though she is right every time (“category five woman moment”) but nancy is EXACTLY the same. ever notice how jonathan treats her as delusional and like she’s looking for an excuse to avoid a shitty situation just like he did with joyce in season one? only in s3 he really should know to trust people when they say something is up, rather than dismissing nancy’s concerns as foolish dreams because she just wants to get one over on her chauvinist bosses

and!! in season four!! she puts it all together!! once she has support from robin and steve and the others, they piece it all together almost instantly!! nancy and robin are a force to be reckoned with and whilst it’s not personally my cup of tea i LOVE the bedrock of support and trust that the ronance dynamic is built upon! robin and steve believe nancy right away!

nancy is my favourite character in the whole show and she deserves more love. she deserves more than how the fandom seems to be treating her because she is all the intuitiveness of joyce mixed with the “i will fight this thing even if i am hopelessly outmatched” of hopper and i think it’s time we all stopped sleeping on it

edit: ALSO

[fitrahgolden]

To React: Chapter One

This was actually my first attempt at a multi chapter story. I posted it in December of ‘22 and deleted that chapter last summer. I'm giving it another go. Huge shout out to @lookingfts for helping me flesh out this story and for continuing to give me feedback on my ideas.

To React

—

Kathani Kaveri Sharma, 26

Member of Smythe-Smith Dramatic Society - props and set design

Manager of Palette Arts and Crafts Supply

Watercolour artist by commission

Anthony Bridgerton, 29

Solicitor at Bridgerton, Danbury, and Frederick Solicitors law firm

Benedict Bridgerton, 27

Member of Smythe-Smith Dramatic Society - writing, directing, acting

Published writer - poems, plays

Oil and watercolour artist by commission

Siena Rosso, 25

Member of Smythe-Smith Dramatic Society - acting and singing

Social media influencer

—

CHAPTER ONE

“I can’t keep doing this. I deserve more. So do you, though I know you won’t let yourself believe that. You need to figure out what you want. We both know it isn’t whatever the fuck this is. Anthony, you need to let me go.”

They were standing in the tiny foyer of Siena’s flat. She hadn’t even let him get all the way inside before she told him they needed to talk. They had gone back and forth for about fifteen minutes before Anthony realised he didn’t know what he was fighting for. Everything she’d been saying was true.

Maybe it was just because he was the one that was usually doing the breaking up. And that’s what this was. A real breakup. Not some lover’s quarrel that would inevitably end with them making up, fucking in some ridiculous place like his mum's garden during a dinner party or her dressing room at Smythe-Smith Dramatic Society.

“Right.” He looked down, around, anywhere but at her, feeling like a twat, holding the roses he’d brought to her place, the bouquet she ignored as she wasted no time getting into what had obviously been weighing on her for some time. “Um, so, I’ll go.”

Her eyes were wet with unshed tears. His eyes weren’t, which probably said something. Siena put a hand up to his cheek, which was thick with stubble that one could almost call a proper beard.

“I really wish you all the best, Anthony.” She sounded… tired. So damn tired.

“Thanks, um…” He took half a step back away from her touch, telling himself he didn’t need any comfort. “You, as well.” He turned to leave, but stopped. “Would it–You’ll probably still see me at shows. You know, for Ben.”

Siena nodded. “Of course.”

“I’ll keep my distance, though. At wrap parties and things like that.”

“I’m not worried about it, Anthony.”

“Right.” He stepped out over the threshold. “OK. Bye. Um–Yeah, bye.”

“Bye.”

Anthony had made it halfway down the hallway before realising he was still holding the damned roses. He tossed them in the bin at the top of the stairs without a backwards glance on his way out to the street.

—

The next morning, Siena sat up in bed and turned to her bedside table, where she kept her "I Woke Up Like This" kit: A brush, floss, bottle of water, mascara, and lip stain. Once she was armed for the internet, she posted a quick video to her feed.

"Good morning, guys! I'm gonna level with you. I'm going through some personal stuff right now but I just wanted to hop on here to let anyone who needs to hear this know: You are worth it. No matter how hard it may seem, stand up for yourself. You are your biggest advocate. Love you guys! I'm off to SSDS for rehearsals. Make sure to buy tickets for our upcoming show! It's a revue of Shakespearean comedies! It's gonna be so much fun. Link in my bio! Check in with you later today. Mwuah!"

—

"OK, guys, I think we can call it a day! Thanks for everyone's hard work! Now, let's go drink!"

Benedict's dismissal was met with cheers and applause by the cast and crew, scattered onstage, in the audience, and backstage at the Smythe-Smith Dramatic Society. As everyone gathered their things, most preparing to walk down the street to the pub, Benedict caught up with Siena, who was moving slowly, putting her bag strap over her shoulder.

"Hey."

"Oh, hey, Ben."

"You were great today, as usual, but I just wanted to check in because you seem a bit down. I don't know, low energy? Anything I can help with? Are you unhappy with the show or–"

Siena scoffed and shook her head. "You haven't spoken with your brother?"

Anthony. Of course. Benedict rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, no. What did he do this time?"

Siena paused thoughtfully. "Nothing, really. It was just time to finally… I don't know, free ourselves, you know?"

Benedict didn't know. He narrowed his eyes. "So… You guys broke up."

It wasn't a question. It was a statement, an indication that this didn't seem like news. They fell out all the time. But Benedict knew better than to point that out.

Siena sighed. "Yes, we broke up. But this time is different.”

Benedict smiled a little at the cliche.

“No, Ben, really. I sort of had an epiphany a few weeks ago. How can I claim to be all about self love and respect while being in a relationship with a guy who has made self-loathing his entire personality? If he doesn't think he deserves anything good, what does our relationship say about how he feels about me?"

Benedict's face sobered. He opened his mouth to respond but nothing seemed right.

"Sorry, I know he's your brother–" Siena waved a hand and made to turn away but Benedict stopped her.

"No, no, it's fine. I do understand what you're saying. I just… I’m sorry he made you feel that way."

Siena shrugged, “I appreciate it.” A small smile formed on her face. “It’s weird. When I woke up this morning, in some ways, I already felt better than I have in a year and a half. I hope it's the same for him. I think it will be. I'll always care about him, you know?”

Benedict nodded slowly. “Come here, babe.” He pulled Siena into a bear hug that made her chuckle. She backed up and put her hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently.

“But, really, we don’t have to talk about your brother. We're meant to be drinking, right?”

Benedict relaxed and took Siena’s bag off her shoulders to carry for her.

“Right. And yours are on me tonight.”

—

Three weeks later, on a Sunday evening, the members of SSDS were celebrating a successful run of “The Comedy of Errors, and Then Some” backstage at the theatre. As always, Benedict made sure the wrap party was catered well and had an open bar. Such was one of the benefits of having a trust fund baby as the most active member of your drama club.

Once Siena had changed, she cautiously entered the gathering, scanning the room for who else may be here in addition to the players and crew.

“He’s not here,” came a voice from behind her.

“Jesus, Ben! Do you need to start wearing a bell?”

“Sorry, honestly didn’t mean to startle you. You just looked… worried?” Benedict raised his eyebrows

Siena nodded reluctantly. “Thanks.. I… Yeah, I was wondering if he was here,” she admitted. How has he been? I haven’t really seen much from him online or anything.”

“To quote the man himself,” Benedict dramatically pulled out his phone, took a deep breath, and uttered, “‘I’m fine.’” 

“Ugh, fuck off.” Siena gently pushed his shoulder as they shared a laugh. “He’s always fucking fine,” she lamented, rolling her eyes.

Benedict shrugged. “Yep. Haven’t seen him much. He came to a show, of course. Left a donation. Same as ever. Mum was complaining that he hasn’t been at the house, citing work every time any of us even hints at a family get-together.”

“Same old shit.” Siena ruefully shook her head.

“Same old shit, indeed. Anyway, we don’t have to talk about him, remember? Can I get you a drink? Some food? You have to eat something. This place I ordered from is fucking excellent.”

Benedict offered Siena his arm, and after she took it, he led her to the buffet table.

“Every place you pick is always excellent, Ben.”

—

Kathani sat on one of the folding chairs at the edge of the party, thinking it was probably time to say her goodbyes and head out. She was opening the art supply shop she managed in the morning, and had already had too much to drink, if she was being honest. She needed to pack for Bridgwater so she could catch the train right after work. Mary and Edwina always insisted she didn’t have to visit every week, yet every time she made the trip, there was a laundry list of things with which they needed help. And lately there was the ongoing conversation of where Edwina wanted to go to university. Ultimately, Kathani wanted her sister to pick anywhere she wanted. But if Edwina stayed in Somerset, she could live at home with Mum, which would be great not only for Mary but also for their family finances. Edwina had spoken excitedly about the aspect of coming to London. Kathani had been careful not to discourage her–not yet, at least. However she always found herself in a spiral about everything that would need to change to make that happen–without contacting Mary’s parents. Mary can’t stay three hours away from her daughters by herself. How would they pay for Edwina’s tuition? If Edwina lived with her, that would help, but her flat is tiny. Could she afford a bigger place? She could leave SSDS and have time for a proper second job. Maybe put more effort into marketing her paintings?

“Hey, mind if I sit here?”

Kathani’s thoughts were interrupted by Siena Rosso, gesturing towards the empty chair next to her.

“Not at all. Brilliant job tonight. The whole run, actually, as always.”

Siena settled into the chair and smiled as she took a sip of her drink. “Thanks. It’s Kate, right? Beautiful work on the sets. Likewise, no surprise there.”

“It’s Kathani, actually, and thank you.”

“Oh. Sorry, I could have sworn–”

Kathani waved her off. “It’s fine, I went by Kate for a while. Decided to go back to my given name. I realised I actually couldn't be arsed to care too much about making white people more comfortable with me.”

“Ah. Sorry.”

“On behalf of all white people?” Kathani teased.

Siena held up her hands. “Just me, I’m afraid.”

“Well, apology accepted.” The two women shook hands in mock seriousness, laughing. “I’ll just have to collect my reparations one at a time, then.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments before Kathani spoke again.

“Isn’t Benedict’s brother usually following you around at these things?” Kathani’s voice was a little tight as she asked the question, falling short of her goal to sound only mildly interested.

“Ah.” Siena shook her head, resigned. “Nope. Not anymore.”

Kathani's eyebrows shot up, something like longing awakening within her and making her heart stutter. She schooled her features before tentatively offering, “Sorry?”

“No, it’s good. I mean, thanks, but… I ended it. It was the right thing to do. Um–” Siena suddenly looked away, sheepish.

Kathani narrowed her mirthful eyes. “But…?”

“What?” she responded innocently.

Kathani held her hands up. “Hey, you don’t have to tell me, I can just tell there was more you were going to say. And I’m a neutral-ish party.”

“Ish?”

“Well, Anthony isn’t here to defend himself, is he? So, I’ll gladly ‘yes and’ any shit you want to say about him.” Hearing how terrible a partner Anthony is sounded like exactly what Kathani needed.

Siena laughed, “Ha, no. Actually, it’s nothing to do with him. Not directly, anyway.”

Oh, well. “No?”

“Yeah, I’m just… I don’t know…” Siena struggled to articulate her thoughts, gesturing vaguely at her own body.

Kathani smiled as realisation hit her. “Lonely? Missing a warm body in your bed? Getting tired of your vibrator?”

“Jeez, yeah. Yes, OK?” Siena looked around as if anyone might be paying attention to them. No one was, of course.

“Hey, no judgement coming from this direction,” Kathani said. “Actually… I think I may be able to help with that.”

Siena raised an eyebrow, amused, but perhaps also intrigued. “You think so, eh?”

Kathani shrugged, biting her lip. “I, um… I was actually about to head out.” She looked over at the exit before meeting Siena’s gaze, holding it.

“OK,” Siena said softly before swallowing.

Slowly, giving Siena time to stop her, Kathani raised her hand and pushed a lock of Siena’s hair behind her ear and smiled at her, her eyes dropping to Siena’s mouth.

“Smooth,” Siena whispered, her eyes similarly trained on Kathani's lips.

“Thank you,” Kathani replied under her breath before leaning in and kissing her.

Siena was still for a few moments, but right before Kathani took the hint and pulled away, she felt Siena’s lips move against hers. Kathani cupped the back of Siena’s head and deepened the kiss once Siena opened her mouth to allow Kathani’s tongue to mingle with hers. Once they pulled back for breath, Kathani stood and held out her hand. After Siena took it and stood as well, she said, “Let me get this out of the way now. I actually do have work in the morning, and I’m going to visit my family afterwards.”

“Two tried and true excuses? Impressive.” Siena's eyes twinkled.

“I know. But if tonight goes well, maybe we can catch up next week?” She ran a thumb over Siena's knuckles

They shared a grin before Siena nodded. “Yeah, take me home and let’s see how we fare.”

—

The following week, SSDS met up to discuss their next show. Benedict noted that Kathani and Siena were sitting together and tried to remember if he’d ever seen them looking so friendly. Of course, all the members knew each other to some degree. But it was a pretty big group, and Kathani tended to stick with her fellow props and set design crew. But the twosome were certainly friendly tonight, smiling and whispering throughout the meeting and then finally, once everyone was dismissed, leaving together, hand-in-hand.

—

Anthony was leaving a date’s townhouse when he received a video call from Benedict.

“What?” he huffed as he jogged down the front steps.

Benedict looked to be trying to make out Anthony's surroundings. “Well, well, well. It’s only 9 o’clock. Couldn’t even stay for tea?”

“Right. Hanging up.”

“Wait, wait! I have news,” Benedict announced in a singsong voice.

"Sure, you do. Go on, then."

"Seriously, though. I'm only telling you this because I work with them and if something comes up on Siena's Instagram or something, I know you're gonna feel betrayed or some shit."

"Siena can do whatever she wants," Anthony said, defensive.

"I know that. But does that mean you don't want to know if she's hooking up with someone I know?"

Anthony slowed his steps. After rolling his eyes and running a hand over his face, he relented.

"Fine. Who is it?"

"You remember Kathani Sharma, right? She does the sets."

Kathani Sharma. Kate. Of course Anthony remembered Kate. Last year, Benedict dragged him to SSDS bowling. Well, more like his brother casually mentioned he was going bowling, and Anthony grabbed his bowling bag and declared, "Fuck, yeah, I'll come show you theatre kids how it's done!"

A couple of hours later and he was as frustrated as he was mesmerised by the woman he ended up on the same lane with. Anthony would never say she was better than him. Never. But facts are facts, and she blew him out of the water on that particular night. And with such unabashed glee, as well. "That's not even my highest score!" she had crowed, a grin gracing her striking face. As far as Anthony was concerned, he was playing against Kate and Kate alone. And she seemed to be on the same wavelength. That night had been shaping up to be the most fun he'd had in a long time before it was suddenly cut short when Siena, who had been playing several lanes away, sauntered up to him and started whispering in his ear about how much she missed him. Before he knew it, he was in the back of a car with Siena, a thought circling in the back of his mind about not giving Kate a proper goodbye–and a quieter yet more persistent thought that he shouldn't have left at all.

"Ant?"

Benedict's smug smile greeted Anthony as he was pulled back to the present, a stranger jostling passed him where he'd stopped on the sidewalk.

"Yes, I remember her. Like I said, Siena can do whatever she wants. No need to keep me updated. I've gotta go."

"I'm sure you do. The night is young and all that."

—

Back at his penthouse, Anthony felt like the worst cliche, and a bit of a creep, if he was being honest. What bothered him most was that he didn’t know why he was behaving this way. In the history of his on and off relationship with Siena, he’d never been particularly interested in who Siena spent her time with when they were “off.” Sure, he got a little jealous when he happened to see a social media post featuring her and someone else looking cosy, but it passed quickly. He had his own company to keep him plenty occupied. And, anyway, he always took comfort in the assumption that they would eventually resume the exclusive fuckery that they called a relationship. But that door was finally firmly closed, and here he was, googling “Kathani Sharma London” and sorting through the results.

[caroletheperfumeaddict]

Maya Henry interview with The Internet Is Dead, 14 October 2024.

MAYA HENRY INTERVIEW WITH ‘THE INTERNET IS DEAD’ (My notes taken while watching, not a full transcription)

Maya had a sheltered upbringing - travelled a lot, so homeschooled

London was a massive shock

Was not a fan of 1D - went to the meet and greet reluctantly because her friend had tickets. Then became a fan because the guys were so great. 

Did not have a conversation with Liam at the meet and greet. 

Was not a stan of the boys as solo artists

Was at a D&G fashion show and Liam was a performer - that’s how they met again. 

He was nice and normal at home and she’d forget he was famous. 

Got together in August 2019. 

Got engaged in November 2019.

He got abusive before lockdown. 

When sober he’d be kind and nice but over time he used being drunk as an excuse TO abuse her and not take accountability. Doesn’t care and isn’t remorseful. He talked about getting help to stop being abusive but he never did it. 

He is so famous that he can do things and they don’t get out. 

His power dynamic is his celebrity status and his team are invested in that. 

She doesn’t think the age gap was an issue. 

Did not know how manipulative people with addiction issues can be. 

Also Liam is media trained. 

[Keeps saying he’s in his 30s, 30-something.] 

They all had a squeaky-clean image in the band. 

(Presenters say the fandom was very against the management of 1D and would say ’the management is trying to push this narrative’ “Which is crazy, like what?”)

“I always see this online and I see it to this day even with them as like solo…”

Liam has control over his management, not the other way round. 

Dismisses the idea that her dad paid Liam to be seen with her or that their relationship was fake or that his management was trying to sabotage him. He can fire his management if he wants. 

Has not talked to her dad since she was 18. 

Management controls what the artist wants controlled, such as stuff coming out about them. 

(Presenters dismiss Larry, etc. Call it teenage. Crazy. Say that they did it as teens and bought into the conspiracies. Crazy. Insane to look back on. Crazy that it’s still a thing. Crazy that it’s still a point of discourse. [NB: they are all 23]) 

Ridicules ideas about Modest Management’s handlers controlling their lives and Liam’s manager being in the background controlling everything. “No, he just worked for him and he’s with us. There’s not much more to explain about that.”

(Presenters say people used to have outlandish ideas about management because they just didn’t understand it especially with One Direction coming up so fast. People were so young and didn’t really have a grasp on how the music industry really works or how celebrity really worked. Ties back to the idea of parasocial relationships. )

Hadn’t heard of parasocial relationships until a few weeks ago. 

(Presenters say she has nothing to gain from making these claims.)

Making false accusations is detrimental and illegal. 

People with less money can’t speak up on these issues. 

‘They’ can prey on women like that. 

(Presenters ask about her saying Liam can prey on 1D fans. Why do fans go to such lengths to defend him?) 

Has seen messages to fans on his phone - it’s not a fake account. 

Liam would message her, post breakup, talking about not doing well and death. 

He called her mum to say he wouldn’t be around much longer when she announced her book. 

She said she would help him get to rehab. He is somebody’s child after all. 

Recent events. Can’t speak legally. It’s gotten worse. 

His behaviour is a manipulation tactic to keep her on his good side. 

(Presenters agree 100%.)

You only see 1% of someone’s life on SM - you don’t know what’s going on. 

“I just want to help.”

“I have to help him because if something does happen to him I won’t be able to live with myself.”

[At 27.35-ish. “Even one of his friends was calling me and my mom saying it’s not a good time for him, I don’t think you should put the book out.” 

Says his friend did this on purpose - ie: not out of real concern. 

(Presenters say [Liam's] silence means he’s guilty. )

If if she was him, she would address the kind of claims she has made. 

(Presenters say he’s cancelled his album in order to make THAT the headline rather than her allegations.) 

Whenever he’s in a scandal he plays a sob story to manipulate his fans, it’s sick – just take accountability. 

(Presenters say he went to Louis’ show in order to change the headlines on the day her book was published.) 

Agrees. The friend said Li wasn’t well and then there he is, flying 11 hours to Argentina to go to a concert. Liam is not supporting Louis here, he’s trying to get himself out of shit. 

People didn’t want her to mention Liam in interviews or podcasts for legal reasons. Thinks his team have managed to suppress what interviews she did manage to do. HAS been trying to say it was him but couldn’t do it until the TikTok. 

Understands that media are afraid of getting sued but is willing for her lawyers to send over proofs for the allegations she’s making. But media are too scared. 

(Presenters say society tries to protect men, esp men who are loved)

(Presenters mention the Zayn wall incident)

Didn’t realise the reaction would be so huge. 

(Presenters ask about the book.)

Some of the things that fictionalise the book are name changes, cities, skewed timelines, Oliver saying he’s not ready for a kid. 

If you write non-fiction, you can’t leave anything out [??] and obviously there are things that are worse that she did leave out. 

So it IS fiction, inspired by true events. 

It’s not about 20 other people in one book. 

She liked the After movie, so when the sequel came out, she and Liam went to see it after lockdown. Did not know it was based on a fanfic. She was writing children’s books and taking a degree in creative writing, so Liam suggested she write a book about them. “I thought that was crazy, I never thought of that.”

Started writing but separately was journalling what she was going through, during Covid, so decided to use her experiences to finish this story to help other women, like a real-life version of a fanfic, as those always have happy endings. 

When they were together she never knew how to finish it. When they split up, decided to work on it as a project. 

Took a long time because she self-published but it’s useful because when it was happening to her she felt alone but it happens to a lot of women and she wants a girl to read it and know what’s happening to her is not her fault. Not to find comfort in it, but feel less alone. 

(Presenters ask if it helped her process everything). 

Yes, definitely. Went to therapy but isn’t much of a therapy-type person. Felt weird talking to someone about it. But almost rewriting what was going on and putting so much emotion into it, in first person, brought back up a lot of emotions she was suppressing. So it was therapeutic. People need to share their stories to help others.

(Presenters say they assume all the events in the book are true. Maya nods.)

Specifically addresses the axe incident - why would she make that up, her mind isn’t twisted enough, why would she say that if it wasn’t true? 

Would sue if someone wrote something like that about her. 

(Presenters say people used to literally write fanfictions like the book Maya wrote and it has desensitised young girls to abuse. )

People say “It’s so unbelievable she must be making this up.”

“People are like ‘is this true’ and I’m like ‘yeah’.”

“Looking back now I’m like ‘oh my gosh’.”

“I never cared or worried about myself.” Only cared and worried about Liam. “Let me pick up his mess. Let me clean up his mess. Let me worry about him and do everything for him.” 

Never had time to sit back and think. Later, she was exhausted and phoned her mum, her kindness had been taken advantage of.

(Presenters tell her she should be proud of herself.)

When the relationship is so toxic and they don’t leave you alone, you can’t move on from it. When he went to rehab for three months, she had no contact with him and was able to process things on her own. She was grateful for that. 

(Presenters come back to After the fanfic and say the film version plays down the abuse)

She looked at the fic on Wattpad after seeing the movie. 

Harry was the bad guy and Liam was the nice guy. (Makes a switching gesture with her hands). It’s like they switched characters. 

(Presenters chat about the fandom and how they think their idols will never see what they write. People were mean to the girlfriends, Eleanor, etc.)

When you’re so famous so young, you think you can get anyone you want and do whatever you want and it gets worse and worse and you end up like Liam saying ‘our fans are going to believe us…’. His head got so big and he feels so inferior [invincible?] that he can do whatever he wants. And that’s what’s so dangerous. 

(Presenters - he went on the Logan Paul podcast…)

Mentions the ‘that tweet didn’t age very well’ [about Gigi getting a respectful man in Zayn] ‘when you do what you do’. [IE: Liam is a hypocrite]. 

(Presenters ask if the stuff about Zayn and Gigi is hard for her to see)

Didn’t really see that on her TikTok before and her Twitter is a fake account that she just uses to look at things, same with IG. Only began seeing Liam when people posted about Niall’s concert. 

(They all spend some time ridiculing Liam’s dancing etc.)

“I have a good sense of humour about things.”

(Presenters ask about fiction and true story and whether Liam can sue)

That’s why she said ‘inspired by true events’. The story itself is almost like a fanfic. Didn’t want the book to be a boring memoir.

(Presenters ask if she can get in trouble)

Comes from a heavy legal background. Is cautious. Had lawyers in the US and UK read the book and showed them proof when they had questions. You can’t sue for libel or defamatory [word unintelligible] because it’s all true. In the UK they have privacy laws “because there’s no freedom of speech” and the lawyers said that the way Oliver is portrayed, for instance in the abortion chapter, Liam could [sue] because [it breaches] his right to privacy.  

“But I’m willing to take that risk.” 

“I’m not going to let you stop me using my voice.” 

“You don’t care to lead a private life.” 

“If you’re gonna Snapchat strangers then…”

(Presenters talk about other girls claiming Liam messaged them.)

A lot of girls have messaged her privately about terrible nasty things - not towards her [words unintelligible] but saying they were fans and then THIS happened and the whole power dynamic is fucked up. When you know someone’s your fan and you’re gonna prey on them.

Dismisses the idea that a fan being of age is relevant - still predatory behaviour. 

(Presenters say it’s literally grooming.)

(Presenters speculate on how much of this is innate to a person’s character and how much is to do with fame.)

If Liam’s willing to do some of the things he’s doing, whether he’s famous or not … maybe a person has that kind of mentality. 

(Presenters raise the abortion chapter again.)

Wanted to do it surgically in hospital because it’s scary. “‘No, do it at home, I don’t want people to find out’...Then I do it at home and then he leaves.”

Added that in the book because women have told her online that they’ve had the same experience. So many men act like that. They like to downplay everything. They don’t understand being a woman. If they went through it they’d be a mess. 

(Bit of chat about how crap men are.)

Men have never had their rights limited since the beginning of time. 

Men have never had to feel any sort of restriction. 

(Presenters say men fear having their power taken away.)

(Presenters ask about law school)

Is applying to law school - lot of the family are lawyers, always wanted to do it. Been through such horrible situations with her ex - other women don’t have help and financial means to leave. Wants to help women for free, start a foundation to help women legally. 

(Presenters give her a lot of praise.)

Wants to help women for free. 

(Presenters say they respect her and she’s very mature and kind)

Reads out scripted request for another guest on the podcast. 

(Presenters thank her for being a guest)

Thanks presenters for having her on and for being willing to talk about the fandom because it’s an important part of what is going on. 

(Presenters say it explains why people are still defending him and there is obvious misogyny and people don’t believe women.)

ENDS

[beardedmrbean]

After a report implied many voters of color in swing states are souring on President Biden, Rep. Jasmine Crockett, D-Texas, sparked outrage for implying they are only doing so because they are uninformed and blinded by their feelings.

CNN's "State of the Union" host Dana Bash spoke to a panel on her show about a recent report from The New York Times, "Trump Leads in 5 Critical States as Voters Blast Biden, Times/Siena Poll Finds." The report included polling that claimed, "Black voters — long a bulwark for Democrats and for Mr. Biden — are now registering 22 percent support in these states for Mr. Trump, a level unseen in presidential politics for a Republican in modern times."

Bash addressed Crockett and read an excerpt from the report, "In a remarkable sign of a gradual racial realignment between the two parties, the more diverse the swing state, the farther Mr. Biden was behind, and he led only in the Whitest of the six."

"It’s really scary for me," Crockett replied, before going on to explain why she thinks this shift appears to be happening.

"Here’s the deal, perception is reality, and so when you look at the data that was provided in this poll, it talks about how people feel… it is all about how you feel in that moment," she said. "While the facts may not align with their feelings, their feelings are dictating their reality and their reality is that they feel better or they felt better when Trump was in office."

Crockett added that Democrats have been "trying to push back" against this, even as "some very popular African American artists out here saying things like ‘Oh I got checks when Trump was in office. I want those checks again,’ not understanding that really came from Congress."

"So we have got a couple of things, the perception issue and then we also have an issue as it relates to civics in this country and people not understanding exactly how any of this works," she concluded.

As footage of Crockett’s statement shot across the internet, commentators condemned her rhetoric on social media.

"’Voters are too stupid and they don't understand their betters’ is probably not a great campaign message for Democrats," The Federalist editor-in-chief Mollie Hemingway wrote.

"The utter disdain these elitist lawmakers have for their own constituents is really mind-blowing," commentator Joe Concha wrote.

"Where did she get such a sense of superiority?" journalist Miranda Devine wrote.

"Pre Obama the Democrat’s stock response to dropping numbers in a demographic was, ‘we’ll go and listen, and try hard to earn that support,’" columnist David Marcus wrote. "Today it is, ‘they are wrong, and somewhat ignorant, we’ll show them why we are smart and right.’"

"Imagine being this dismissive of your voters? Democrats seem to think the people who they need to elect them are all stupid and incapable of understanding what’s actually happening," radio personality Mike Opelka wrote.

"Oh really," Fox News host Lawrence Jones III wrote.

Many commentators, especially Black conservatives, scorched Crockett for appearing to underestimate Black voters' ability to grasp politics.

"In other words, according to Democrat @RepJasmine Crockett, Blacks are too stupid to understand how much better they are under Biden," conservative commentator and former 2024 presidential hopeful Larry Elder wrote. "Not too bigoted! If Trump said this, Democrats would be drawing up another article of impeachment."

"Once again telling the Black community that we are not intelligent enough to see what’s going on and understand it," former Republican congressional nominee Jeffrey A. Dove wrote. 

"Democrats: Blacks are too emotional to think clearly. Smart pitch," HotAir associate editor David Strom wrote sarcastically.

[celestie0]

Ooof, sorry if come across rude or anything negative. Just saw your post ihm ex wife asks and how people were being rude or weirdly jealous. I hoped that my ask about knowing more about ihm ex wife, didn’t come off as being weird or rude person. ( I’m the that mention Lana del Rey)

It Seems at one point she’s going be added into the story? Correct me if I’m wrong but that’s really exciting!

Your whole au is my obsessed anyways apologize if came off ass weird/rude :(

hi love! mm yea, i think your ask did contribute to those feelings, mainly the part where you said you entirely block the ex wife part of the story out of your mind because you can’t imagine him w someone else other than reader

i don’t know, i have actually gotten similar asks for kickoff when i had a couple people tell me they skipped all of the scenes with kai in it bc they didn’t want to read about any other guy other than gojo

thing is, those are just things you don’t have to tell an author. if you do block things out or skip things, that’s fine. but just because you have access to communicate with a fanfic author doesn’t mean you should share those things with them. readers forget that we, fanfic authors, have a much more deeply invested personal interest in these stories as the creators of them, than a reader might have. it’s different from texting your friend “oh i dislike xyz ab this story”…because you’re literally sending those words to the person who put all their hard work n time into writing it lol

i try to put this into perspective, but for the whole kai thing for example: i spent a great deal of time planning those scenes out, spent a great deal of time writing & editing those scenes, n ultimately believe those scenes contribute greatly to the dynamics of the story. for people to straight up tell me they skipped those scenes, it’s odd and upsetting for sure.

i’m also like, what are you accomplishing by telling me that you skipped like half the chapter, or that you entirely dismiss parts of my story?…i have thought about this sooo much in trying to understand why tf i get asks like that, or why people think it’s appropriate to share those things with me, and the conclusion i can think of is that people are trying to subconsciously push me towards writing a story that THEY want by telling me the exact parts of my story that they entirely disregard/will disregard. and that makes me feel so icky, like i’m lowkey being manipulated into people pleasing people just cuz i post stuff for free. same goes for pressuring asks i get about writing more smut. those feel even more gross to me tbh, and it entirely kills my drive to write

i’m already struggling to find motivation to create stories among all the other insanity of things going on in my life. so yea words like that definitely do affect me, esp when it’s not just from one person, which i could probs write off as some internet troll, but from like 15+ different readers saying the same thing over n over n over again. and i KNOW i have so many wonderful readers n i’m endlessly grateful…but i’m starting to feel like chappell roan rn where i’m starting to realize maybe i’m just not cut out for this lmfaooo. it’s strange i’ve like literally seen people d** in real time but stan tumblr is what breaks me 💀💀 this shit is nottttt for the weak bahahah i see why so many authors leave

since i started posting here in january, i’ve dealt w people who would shame me for not posting updates at the time i said i would, i’ve dealt w people who would pressure me for updates, i’ve dealt w people who would pressure me for smut, i’ve dealt with people who have reduced my stories to nothing but smut, i’ve dealt with people who have made death threats against kickoff gojo for having commitment issues, i had a person straight up tell me they were “disappointed in the direction” of all of ch7 of kickoff, i had someone comment “he should’ve done ___ instead. will not be reading this fic anymore”, i’ve dealt w so many people belittle n disregard the whole ihm ex wife plotline. i’ve literally cried over some of these asks/comments, n i’ve felt embarrassed over some of them too. i’m just a person.

and i know i know i know i shouldnt focus on the negative interactions, i should just focus on the positive ones. but yknow how much mental real estate that takes to do? i’d consider myself to be a pretty mentally healthy person to be very honest, but even i have a hard time w doing that lmfao.

and then, to make things worse, i get scared that calling readers out for this kind of stuff will just make people fearful to interact with me in the future. and then im like damn i suck lol

in any case, i accept your apology. it’s not that deep at the end of the day i suppose, and i don’t want you to feel bad about it. there are bigger issues in this world rn than fanfiction on tumblr. also sorry i kinda used your ask to say all of this but i just wanted to share my perspective plus i’m pmsing so i’m emo lol i’m just waiting for my estrogen to rise at this point so i can feel human again n i might end up regretting posting this but anyways thanks xxx

[cosmic-kinglet]

Okay, to start off, here are the moments that made me either punch my couch cushion, throttle my blanket, or scream into said blanket:

So, honestly...Earth OUTWARDLY took that a lot better than I expected. And, I'm sure Eclipse IS right that Moon won't turn his aggression on any of his siblings...but, I'm still really scared for that confrontation. I've seen speculations about Moon potentially having been infected by the ruin virus at some point in the past, but only now showing signs of it. If THAT ends up being the case...I don't know. I KNOW it amplifies traits of the host, which means Moon still shouldn't have any desire to physically hurt his family. Still, it might turn into him being aggressively protective: locking them all up somewhere or scaring them into not going out places. Man, I sure do love this silly internet show! /sarc

I guess I'll bring my spirits back up by going a bit more into the development of Earth and Eclipse's sort-of-kind-of friendship. It was straight up stated how Earth just sort of ends up venting about things to Eclipse. Honestly, it's probably because he isn't connected to everyone else enough for the venting to have any major impact. Earth has said before that she doesn't really like venting to her siblings because she doesn't want to risk any strain on their relationships or be a burden to them. Then, there was Solar, who she would go to for these things because he could put himself aside and hear her out. Now, there's Eclipse, who barely sees himself as a person. Of course he would give that same feeling of putting himself aside because he hardly considers himself at all. Plus, despite what Moon says, and despite what Eclipse ISN'T saying, he HAS come to care about Earth.

Which brings me to what has me losing my mind every time it happens. His silence. I've said it before, and I will continue saying it: the original Eclipse ALWAYS had something to say. Even if it was just a simple, dismissive "whatever". And, usually, that still is the case. Until someone says something that strikes a chord with him. Like the few times Moon has screamed at him, saying he doesn't care about anyone. Like a few videos back, when Earth said she liked him. Like at the end of this video, when Earth said she felt like he DID care, and when she said it was nice talking to him. Anytime he starts to feel something, he goes silent. And, usually, he leaves soon after. He's still not ready to accept, or even acknowledge, these feelings. But, he's getting there. Genuinely, there were a few moments in this video where it felt like he WANTED to say something. But, again, he's not quite there yet. And I will continue to scream over his development until he finally GETS there!

[imzsuzsis-blog]

—————————

Dream ( Lando)

“Loki? Hello?"

I was in some white place, a blanket on me, I couldn't move.

“Someone? Hello? Where am I?"

I stroked my belly.

"Where are my twins?"

I cried because there was a fresh scar there.

"Hey, new mom, or should I say it quietly to dad, if you could take a break. I just gave birth, just like you, even though you're a star, even you just gave birth. So stop whining please. Us average people know from the news that they broke up with this certain Loki back in July. After that, she tried unsuccessfully with even more boys of him age because they all said that a boy can't be pregnant."

I craned my neck back, my cell phone nowhere, to look at this nonsense on the internet. Because we definitely didn't break up, I love him.

"Lando Norris, I brought some people."

"Leah, Penelope."

I took them trembling, then I realized that it was really over with Loki, I was left alone with two babies. I looked at them, they are really a mixture of Ollie and myself, they are so beautiful.

"My beauties, my God. It's a pity that the abbots aren't here either, we're breaking up with the foster abbots. Because of a grudge.”

With tears in my eyes, I started to kiss them, and I didn't want to let them go.

"But you have to, dear."

Mother sat down next to me and stroked my hair and I shook my head.

"If I've done it all the way up to now, I can do it all the way now. I am already an adult, a twenty-five year old adult. I won't give them away forever. They are my daughters and I can raise them, their room is waiting for them."

"I know, but you gave up Formula 1 because of them. You even moved from Monaco to avoid the news about you and them. Now what?"

She stroked them too, not just me.

"I will finish my medical degree and fulfill my dream."

"Lando, it's not your dream, it's your father's, it's only you who lived it, that's why you're going to the doctor's office now by mail. You don't belong there, you could become a very good actor, maybe a singer, you are talented in these. Remember the casting of the Avengers, when your friend Tom called you... How would you not like to try what you would really be like in his place, as Spider-Man. How clever you were, you wove webs, climbed walls and jumped everywhere and enjoyed it.”

Mother smiled at me, I just shook my head, I knew where my path was leading.

"My mother was with me for half a year, it was a big party, but I wouldn't try it again. I'm sorry, but it's not my way."

I looked at her and Leah as I woke up next to her sister, a minute here or there will not count, only that they grow up in love and that I find them another daddy. Who is not dismissive like everyone else towards me.

———————-

Real

"Mom, I'm going to be a doctor!!!! Leave me!!!!!"

I woke up sweaty and screaming again like the day before the race, Loki and Max comforted me. Then I dreamed that everything went wrong at home during the birth, then mother and father had a fight, then the Olivers, then Max and Pietra and all of them because the good boy suddenly became ugly.

"My treasure"

He knelt down in front of me and started stroking my face in circles.

"Dream and depression are a bit much for you, my dear. You dream up a lot of madness."

"I know, and the reason for all this is the fucking adoption papers. What Ollie throws out, saying that he is responsible for making mistakes, I want to take responsibility too... But it's not my management that won't let me, they gave me this fucking paper and I don't have much time to do it."

I opened my laptop and the first thing that came up was an email to review the ideal foster parents. In my anger, I wrote back that no, I can decide whether to raise two girls or not to leave them alone!!!!! Also, I'm twenty-four, a fully responsible adult, don't let them decide what I wear and where, who I date, where I live, who my friends are or whether I'm pregnant and whether I want to raise my child or not. I looked to my side, read the paper and took deep breaths.

"You know what, Loki gets caught."

I tore the sled apart, threw it up and started giggling.

"I'm a father!!!!"

I squealed with joy and kissed Loki on the lips, who, after taking off his top, began to tease us with his fingertips. He ran sexily into my hair and we started moaning more and more softly.

“Sex?"

"I don't know, but there's blood in your underwear."

"You're stupid, aren't you?"

I looked at him in horror and I was in pain again.

“Which? Strong?"

"How the hell do I know???? Ugh!!!!”

I stood up and crossed my palms in front of me and took deep breaths.

,.Amanda now!!!!”

"I'd rather not put my feet up somewhere."

"What's up my dear, we'll go and that's it, home practices won't help right now."

———————

Dream (Loki)

I've been a star on the internet since July, when he broke up with me. In almost every video or picture, either he or I is crying about the breakup.

"Billy, this sucks, I know it was short, but it's true love."

I told my brother that we may only be half-siblings, but we still tell each other everything.

"Loki, don't whine. You were the bastard for getting him engaged so soon. To you, because he was pregnant from her previous relationship, the guy."

"This is not about the fucking engagement!!!! And not because the guy was pregnant, but because the fucking media won't leave me alone!!!!"

"Do you still love him? Where did your relationship go wrong?”

"It must have been when he finally admitted that he was in love with Oscar. It could still be something he is holding on to from before his kidnapping, or I don't know."

Crying, I looked at Insta, where I saw that was all.

"Finally, the little ones were born, they're fit and healthy."

Burying my face in my palms, I got into my car and went to my usual place at the gas station, because it's in a nice place, I can park in the vicinity, and I can walk up the hill and I always sit on one of the benches when I want solitude.

"Be..."

"I'm not going, our relationship with Lando ended badly, we had a rough time on the open street. Millions of videos attest that it was.”

"Really..."

"Oliver, I say no. Lando doesn't want to see me, he even hates me."

I went through…

“Loki!!!! Not!!!! Ambulance!!!”

—————————

Real

"I was hit by a fucking car, fuck me!!!!!"

I just felt that Lando was prodding me and stroking my face to wake me up.

"My dear, if you could, you could even perform this screaming show on stage."

He told me both erotically and sarcastically, so that all the women in the clinic would giggle at this.

"The way you put it, it wasn't fucking funny, bitch!!!!"

"But, but Loki... You screamed, in public. Not me!!!! Where the hell are you going? My love."

"From now on, the pregnancy is your fucking business, cheater!"

"But fuck it!!!! I've said it a hundred times, I'm trying to get my lost memories back!!!!!! I am not a cheater and I would never be cheated!!!!!!”

“This is bullshit!!!!! The way you look at Oscar... You're in love with him!!!!!"

"It's not true, it's just business!!!!"

"Lando, Loki, please don't get lost here!"

"No, if you tell the truth... Oscar or me."

He took off him hat and threw it on the floor like a fucking diva.

"You, but Oscar saw them being kidnapped!!!! Are you happy now!!!!"

"Stupid whore!!!"

I slapped him, got up and left.

Or knocking on my door for thousands of years.

"Who the hell is that???"

"I'm at Lando, let me in!!!!"

I let him in. His face was teary, his lips were parted and he was shaking from everything.

“What happened? old warrior."

I let him in and he stopped at the wall and barely took a breath. He put his fingers to his mouth, on which the sleeve of his pullover was half pulled up, and it was chewed, as were the cords of his coat.

"I confessed everything to him, but we had a rough fight."

"Fuck me, Lando. But what the hell?”

"I don't know, he figured it out!!!! He said that I was looking at Oscar."

"Who, what, here we go?"

“Patoooooo!!!!! Max, help me!!!!!!"

He fell on our necks and sobbed soundlessly.

"What are you saying?"

"That I'm cheating on you."

"But, but that's not true of you, when we were together you wouldn't have done that for any money."

"I know, Pato. It's a fucking concoction he made up."

"What will happen?"

"Breakup."

He hissed between his teeth, he couldn't take it anymore and we saw him calling his mother.

"What are you saying?"

"That this is a real relationship and that we talk about it."

"Are you telling her the truth?"

"She knows in broad daylight that she was kidnapped from the open street, no, I don't give mom the truth."

"Oliver?"

"It's good that you joke about it, really not."

"Anyone married in the field?"

"Sergio? Good… Pick it up… Please!!!!”

We all saw that he cried more, he probably took Lando's side in the matter. We also knew what a jealous type Loki is, their relationship can no longer survive this.

"On the one hand, he's still here, so he comes here, on the other hand, he thinks he's a jealous dick, and he thinks I should throw him away as soon as possible. There will be another.”

He almost tore the ring from the new one with our help and threw it far away, with an angry face, but not only that, but also the bracelet he received not long ago, he threw it far away and screamed.

[lepurcinus]

Probably the strangest take I ever read about Watership Down was:

"Someone made a story about rabbit which he gave emotions to, but claims to accept controlling them (here it means when Adams said he accepted that rabbits could become a problem), made them suffer just to entertain the evil viewer with their suffering."

Man, what the fuck? Nobody enjoys the violent scenes in Watership Down, at least not in a sense of pleasure or fun. It's like the main reason why people dismiss the story as violent or scary. The descriptions are meant to make you feel pity and pain for them, to make you understand them. I don't understand what the hell you were getting at with that.

Anyway, no one, not me or anyone else can know how animals would really think or react to their environment if they could think or feel the same way we do. It's all a subjective view, subject to an author's own ideas.

If they are anthropomorphized, it is in many cases so that you can better understand them as if you were in their shoes, I think xenofiction is one of the best ways to make you see empathy towards animals, although certainly those that try to see it in a more focused way in a real view of a non-human being without going so much to sentimentalism are more powerful. Those that add emotions are the ones that open that window the best.

On the other hand, that you do any of this but are in favor of things that involve "harming" an animal (let's ignore whatever ethics there are in this because by the same token these people don't do it) like hunting game or the meat industry. It is not easily "discarding" the life of another living being. It is knowing how to separate fact from fiction and that the world is much more complicated than it seems.

You can love rabbits and still be okay with them being hunted by people. Because one can know that in many places these animals have no natural control that allows things to flow well. Killing an Australian rabbit means giving other mammals and birds a chance to live after the mess man made. But it does not mean not appreciating the life of the rabbit, it does not seek to torture or make the rabbit less.

What it does is that you SEE THE RABBIT AS A SENTIMENTAL BEING AND THEN LOOK FOR A WAY NOT TO CAUSE IT LONG TERM HARM WHEN A CONTROL IS MADE.

Probably these animal stories are the best proof and love letter of humanity towards the beings that live with them, some of them simply denote the author's LOVE AND PASSION towards nature and what is in it.

Anna Sewell was grateful to the horses for helping her and so she made them a story that was one of the pillars for animal rights.

Ernest Thompson Seton was a hunter, but when he met Lobo he never wanted to hunt a wolf again in his life and in his later works he showed his aversion to the hunting of his time.

Felix Salten was a hunter, but his novel brought about one of the pillars for legal hunting as we know it.

Richard Adams claimed to agree to control rabbits, but when what was written in his work was to become reality, he protested. When his work of two dogs suffering at human hands ended in an ambiguous and tragic ending he was not satisfied and changed it to one where a man who loves them made them happy forever.

Don't let them be dismissed so easily people, if you succeed, your work is all the reflection of who you are, your intentions in the most honest way. Let that message come through, however you can, let that reflection be noticed.

God, I should stop worrying about the opinions of unknown people on the internet. I'm still frustrated Yes? This might be understood for the shit but you know I'm not good at explaining things.

[artist-issues]

Hello! It's been a while since I was last on your ask inbox. I hope you are doing very well. This is perhaps going to be more of a rant than a regular ask, but I need to say this. I know people are very understandably quite over the topic of TLM 1989 vs TLM 2023 and most would probably prefer to sweep it under a rug. I really can't blame them for letting it go, but given that it's been almost a year since it came out, we could look at it in "retrospect" (I don't think that's quite the right word hehe) and I have to say, the way a lot of its stans continue to talk about this movie like it surpassed the original and even have this slightly disrespectful tone towards it is already very irritating, but one of the things that definitely irritated and even straight-up angered me the most about its reaction was the way they, as a collective, threw OG Eric under the bus in order to prop up the LA version. They literally said that the LA version had deeper feelings and cared far more about Ariel than his original counterpart and the "solid proof" they use to prove this was the Kiss The Girl where in the animated he refused to kiss her whereas in the LA version he was very willing to kiss her and the other scene was where he let Ariel slip down to the ground in the animated whereas in the LA he held her all "protective". They used this as proof that the original was practically a "careless douchebag" compared to the LA one who is the true "romantic and sensitive guy" and that really, really pissed me off, and I know I shouldn't let things like that upset me so much, but it goes to show that none of them ever paid any amount of attention to the original movie. They were practically dragging the original Eric all across the internet for that to prop up the LA version, not taking into account the context of absolutely anything at all. Literally almost nobody viewed him as a douchebag for that and the moment this movie comes along, all of a sudden, he doesn't really care for her and is trash??? They clearly forgot about the "I lost her once. I'm not gonna lose her again" scene, which was excluded in the LA version because he DID give up on looking for her after his mom told him to forget about her because "They can't be together". So much for being such an amazingly caring and romantic guy 🙄 I know you also see through the insane nonsense that is that argument, specially as someone who analyzes classic Disney movies so thoroughly and sees things about them that the average viewer can't see. This seems kind of like a rant, but I saw something related to that and I got so mad. People (outside of the TLM fandom) have always dismissed him as "bland", but this movie seems to have provoked a level of hatred to be thrown at him because they don't find some of his reactions to be "good" and "romantic" enough, but all it shows is how little they actually appreciate and understand the original material. Forgive me for my somewhat long and heavy rant, but I wanted to get it off my chest, and I believe you will understand why this made me so mad even a year later. I'd really like to see your thoughts and feeling on this topic. I certainly let mine be known! 🤣

No, I agree! I have a very dear friend who is also fond of analyzing movies and she, too, loves the Live Action Eric more than the original. And I think people are falling prey to one really subliminal, psychological thing here—we're adults now. And Live Action Eric is handsome, and feels more adult, because he's live-action. So there's this aspect of it that we really weren't feeling or paying attention to on the same level in the animated version: it's basically just his sex appeal. I hate saying it. I hate saying it like that.

But I have to because when you realize that what you're saying is correct—there is NO sense in which Eric in the LA is more caring than the real Eric—then you have to go, "okay, if it's not that, then what is it?"

It's that he has scruff. And a British accent. And a wet-fabric low-cut white shirt on. And then suddenly a movie that was about simple, innocent, young love that you could read about in a fairy tale starts to feel a little more angsty, a little more about passion, a little more like The Vampire Diaries, etc.

I'm not saying they're just preferring the LA Eric carnally. (Sorry.) I'm saying, I think there's a difference between the maturity levels of the romance. Live Action wants you thinking about Eric in terms of adult longing. Animated wants you thinking about Eric in terms of childhood dreams. The problem isn't even that one is more noble than the other (although. yeah.) The problem is that the original movie used the relationship to symbolize an important theme, while the Live Action tries to make the relationship the theme, itself...and then like you said, it backs off on that, because the movie "can't be about a girl giving up her life for a boy," so all that's left is "wanting to date hot seaswept Eric vicariously through Ariel."

When you put something that was animated into Live-Action, it carries this stigma that the Live action will be more relatable and "deep" than the animated version, specifically for adults. So then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy; the adults just choose to respond to material (like a romance between a prince and a mermaid) that is no deeper than the original as if it is deeper, simply because they went in there believing more in the depth.

That's about as plain as I can make that, I think.

You already covered why Eric is definitely caring in the original perfectly, so I won't go into that. But I do think that what people are missing is how good Disney used to be at making sure a character did what he was supposed to do for the story. Animated Eric's whole thing was that he wasn't going to give up on his Fated Dream Girl. He didn't know it was Ariel, but he wasn't willing to give up on her and jump in this girl he found on the beach's arms until he was sure his dream was all wrong. I think people miss that. I think people see his actions as "he wasn't that into Ariel" instead of "he's a good guy who's 1) nervous about kissing a girl and 2) still thinking about Another Girl he believes rescued him from drowning."

And that's punctuated, like you said, at the end when he realizes his Dream Girl was Ariel all along. And then of course he's sacrificing himself to go after her. He was always willing to. He just didn't know what he didn't know. Remember, Eric isn't Boy Ariel. But he does have this in common with her: he really has faith in something other people don't understand. For him, it's an ideal of true love. For Ariel, it's an ideal of a good world outside the one she lives in. But for both it boils down to love. So you're just seeing Eric act accordingly, until he knows that all along Ariel has been the fulfillment of his ideal.

Anyway. You're super kind, but I don't think I'm able to see things other people can't or even won't in Disney movies. I really think everyone sees them, but not everyone feels the need to verbalize them 😅 I also think what the Live Actions do is basically large-scale gaslighting. By "fixing" things that were not mistakes, and changing major aspects of the story while standing on the shoulders of nostalgia and the original's success, the Live Actions make a meta-commentary on the old movies. So people who loved the original Ariel are like, "oh yeah, good point, that always bothered me," when, no it didn't. Not enough to ruin the story.

Anywho. I missed your asks!

[a-fragile-little-teacup]

i wanna talk about the bear

THIS IS MY OPINION! THIS IS NOT ME CLAIMING THIS AS FACT OR DIRECTLY ACCUSSING ANYONE OF SHIT! IF YOUR INSTINCT IS TO INSULT ME BECAUSE OUR OPINIONS DON'T LINE UP, THEN I WOULD ADVISE THAT YOU JUST SCROLL AWAY! I AM OPEN TO DISCUSSION, NOT BULLYING.

Hi.

So.

I love The Bear. I think it's a great show with interesting characters and well done directing and cinematography. It's great.

However, that doesn't mean that I have no critiques. And there is one that I feel a need to mention on the internet.

I am very worried about how the show is portraying Claire.

When the newest season came out and I started seeing some... interesting things being said/made about Claire, I assumed it was the fans getting a little defensive. That commonly happens when a show introduces a female romantic interest. To put it simply, I didn't think that it was something being pushed by the show's creators.

I was wrong.

First of all, let's talk about Claire and what I've seen said about her.

She was introduced this season as a love interest for Carmy. Interesting plotline for this show to explore, honestly.

Once the newest season came out, I saw a scary amount of viewers either pushing for the show to simply be pitting Clarie against Syd or they were blaming Claire for Carmy's actions.

two women of similar ages can exist in connection to a male character without them needing to fight over that male character. It dismisses a lot of both Syd and Claire's characters to only see them as being romantically tied to Carmy.

Carmy is responsible for his actions. Don't let his status as a pretty white boy distract from the fact that he's really kinda shitty as a person. He's unreliable and commonly dismisses a lot of accountability. It is not Claire's fault that Carmy didn't show up when he needed to.

I truly thought that this was just the fanbase, so I wasn't going to talk about it. I don't really enjoy being part of fandom culture at all. It is not usually great for my mental health. The cost of my well-being is almost never worth whatever I get as a result of being in that world.

However, I think the creative team on The Bear played a major role in the opinion forming around Claire, even if it wasn't intentional (which I obviously can't prove either way).

And I wanna explain why I think this is happening.

Carmy name drops her a lot. Especially when discussing the restaurant and the menu, he will push her name all the time. This is often around Syd because Syd's his business partner. This helped form an association.

Claire came up with a lot of ideas for what the two of them did. This made it easier for people to claim that she was forcing him away from the restaurant but I'm going to argue (a) that she didn't know all of the details around the restaurant's opening for most of the season and (b) that it was Carmy's responsibility to say no or explain that he was busy. If he hadn't said anything at all and was simply dragged around, then that would be one thing, but I don't personally believe that's what was shown throughout the season.

The panic attack scene in the last episode. Claire is shown in tandem with Carmy's family, which is largely seen as a source for Carmy's anxiety and panic attacks before it cuts to Syd seeming to be the reason that he calms down. This was such a wild fucking thing to throw in during the last episode. I don't know what the true intention behind this scene was, but I don't think it played as well as it could have.

I don't give a singular shit about who you ship with who or what you want to happen in the next season. That's not what this post is about.

Regardless of any of that, it is not fair to make Claire into this twisted almost-villain when she simply isn't one. She was described incredibly kindly by every character that talked about her (Richie, Michael, Carmy, Sugar, Fak).

She clearly has a personality beyond Carmy, which doesn't always happen when writing a female romantic interest (a discussion that I could write a whole separate post about and tie back to The Bear).

The way her character has been treated is worrying and if she is to return for season 3, then I'm equally as worried about how the writers will treat her.

[letsgobarbs]

Part (4/6): Christmas Makes Me Cry

Series Index Part 5 Content Warnings: This chapter follows the movie plot, it is very canon-compliant right up until the meat grinder. Jack does not die at the end, but he does break the antidote vial and fight the Galahads. The chapter contains discussions of substance use that do not represent my personal opinion. You do not need to read this chapter if the subject matter is triggering or otherwise uncomfortable for you. I have written this fic in a way that you can just pick up the next chapter and there is still continuity.

Jack was having the worst morning, the feeling of dread was quite familiar, it was how he started most of his mornings since Christmas. There was an urgency in the air, but he had gotten used to that too since he had signed up for back-to-back missions for the last few months. He had checked the news twice, pored over both the papers and the internet, the world was strangely calm today. It was the kind of calm that heralded an upcoming storm. 

Keeping up with the news was not a new hobby for Jack, more often than not his missions dropped him right in the middle of a festering pool of political conflict rife with some form of extremism. But before, it had been just a job, and now it was far too personal. He had taken a leaf out of his mentors’ book and misused Statesman resources, occasionally keeping tabs on Marley to ensure she was doing well, that she was safe, happy, healthy— to convince himself he had made the right decision. Her company had turned out to be a reputable private security firm that protected humanitarian aid workers and volunteers in conflict zones. He had lost his mind when he first found out, a whole lot of good him trying to protect her did when she was too busy running head-first into danger. And that’s exactly what she was doing, because just like him, she had thrown herself into her work too.

He glanced down at the time, reflexively caressing the strap of his watch. It always sat smoothly and comfortably on his wrist but today it felt… different. Jack felt agitated as he rushed to unbuckle his watch, flipping it over to inspect the inscription only to find that the letters were fading. He swore long and low, stomach roiling with unease and distress. He should have never worn it, left it in a safe display where he could look. He considered pocketing it to prevent any more rough treatment to it. But he had made a habit of wearing it on every mission, a disquiet feeling nagged at him warning that things would go very wrong if he didn’t wear it. So Jack wore his watch again, just one more mission. He checked the time again before he honked the car, irked at the long wait. How long was this kid going to make him wait while he kissed up his girlfriend?

Was he going to have to explain everything to this kid? Agent Galahad. Jack actually liked the little shit. He was funny, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed— unburdened and unweary by the taxing job— soaring through the joys of love. He almost felt bad explaining how their trackers worked. He suspected looking into your partner’s eyes and saying, “I was just trying to save the world, darling” just wasn’t a good excuse for why you had your hand down somebody’s pants. He offered to take first crack with the target mostly out of pity. But Jack quickly discovered he couldn’t stomach it. 

“No, it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean to make me feel like a dumbass. So I’ll let you make it up to me by letting me buy you a drink.” It was Marley’s voice that said the words in his mind— she had been the one to say this to him. His mouth felt bitter even when he kept to the act and ordered the target a drink, he wished he could take the words back, it had felt sacrilegious to say them to another woman. Thankfully, he had been summarily dismissed with a prompt ‘Go away, old man’. Jack stood a little doubtful and unsure, would this guy really be able to go through with it? He knew he wouldn’t if he had to go home to face Marley. 

But Jack left anyway, a little worried, but very relieved, “Be good, be cool.”

While Jack might be tired of the job, he enjoyed the action quite a bit. The lasso wasn’t appropriate for the closed space of the pub, she needed openness to whirl and twirl. He’d show these Brits her beauty some other time. Especially because these idiots weren’t even paying attention, but he excused them for this rudeness, they were worried for their friend after all. Bless his heart, but the butterflies guy just wasn’t seein’ things right. The whip, on the other hand, now she was always dependable and versatile. She could swirl, twirl, and whirl all with a pretty intimidating bark and a solid, burning bite. Nothing sets a good mood like the crack of a whip— fighting or otherwise.

But the world just refused to give him a damn break. The rush of endorphins was washed away by panic. All classes of substances legalised? A new market? The purple glittering sign of ‘Save Lives. Legalise.’ taunted and terrorized him. Chaos reigned, they barely made it to headquarters with all the panic on the streets with the infected and their loved ones. Tequila was put into a cryo unit. By the time he was sitting next to Champ, Jack had to work very hard to conceal his nervousness. He felt nauseous but there was nothing to throw up, he gripped the armrest of his chair to stop the trembling in his hands.

In times of stress, he fell back on what he had been taught, “We can’t make this personal, Sir.” He firmly kept his level-headed mask in place, there was a crisis and he would resolve it. It didn’t matter what his opinion on legalization or substance abuse was, he would complete his mission and save the lives he was supposed to. He had been a soldier before he was an agent— it didn’t matter how he came to be a soldier in the first place. 

His decision to follow the orders brought him momentary calm and a sense of determination. He would follow this kid and his grandpops to get that antidote and save the day. Then, perhaps, he would take a step back from the continuous missions and take a little break to pace himself.

Retrieving the antidote had been far too easy right up until they were rattled around in a gondola like two beads in a maraca and swung over a cliff, rapidly accelerating towards a luxury retirement home. He had to admit that Galahad Jr. had some very good instincts, it only took them a nifty bit of teamwork to not run over old people. Jack had never been profusely thanked for helping someone’s bowel movements, but there was a first time for everything.

The walk to their emergency rendezvous point had worked the restlessness and irritability left over from the high adrenaline out of his body. They had started a fire and significantly warmed up while waiting for Galahad Sr. It was perhaps the waiting, the sitting, and the lack of action that made him pensive. An idle mind is the Devil’s workshop.  

Unbidden the image rose in his mind, his high school sweetheart, the woman pregnant with his child lying there by the checkout counter, the basket full of groceries toppled over next to her. Her eyes had been open, wide and terrified. That look had haunted him since, filled him with such shame and rage until it coated his veins like hot asphalt. He had spent his entire life running away from the memory of that sight. And now it was all he could see, how many more innocent women like her had to die? He scoffed at the idea of freely available drugs, you can regulate substances all you want but there was no regulating somebody’s evil impulses. And that’s what drugs did, they removed the hesitation between violent intention and pulling the trigger.

Jack spotted the mercenaries coming down from the valley, and when he reached out to push the boy down, his hand pulled the trigger on a dark, violent intention by shattering the vial of antidote that could have saved the world. And compromised his own mission.  

“You fucking dickhead!”

“Fuck you! I just saved your life.”

“Yeah and cost millions of people theirs!” 

The weight of the sentence, or his actions, didn’t register with him, and it wouldn’t for a long time, because he got shot in the damn head.

Jack was seething with rage. He just wanted words with that old bastard who shot him— had to give it to him, butterfly guy had mighty fine instincts, maybe he had even read the strain on him in Champ’s office. He also had to ensure the antidote wasn’t released. He knew that there were victims mixed up in this mess, people who weren’t addicts or violent, he didn’t personally have anything against them but there just wasn’t enough time to sift through all those people and decide who had the potential to not be violent addicts. There was never going to be an opportunity like this again.  

Administering that antidote would save all those lives, extend their clocks and give them time to turn their lives around for the better— give them another chance. But how many would actually climb out of their addiction before they turned to violence for a bit of fucking drug money? Why should they get a second chance at all when his girl and his child didn’t get a chance at all? 

You never know, maybe this would help. He didn’t have enough faith in people to believe this nationwide infection would be enough of a wake-up call to quit drugs. It was laughable, really. A rash, mania and paralysis sounded like your average trip. It was hardly a deterrent, but death? Death was a cold, hard deterrent. Seeing that stuff stayed with you, it would put people off those drugs for good— call it a prevention method.

“You’re working for the president?”

“That asshole? Hell no. It’s a matter of personal principle, agent.” Fuck the president and his stupid war on drugs— that shit had never worked. It was just another way to line the pockets of his rich friends. 

“No more drug users. And the Statesman share price rockets.” Jack wasn’t about to discuss his deeply personal backstory with these twats. It didn’t matter what reason he gave, he was the villain today and he had made peace with that.

“Making money? Our agencies were founded to uphold peace. To protect the innocent.” Rich of the kid to talk about peace and innocence. He hadn’t wanted to give his villain monologue, but who were they to judge him? 

“Do you wanna know who was innocent? My high school sweetheart.” Jack ignored the lump in his throat, he would not cry— not in front of these assholes who just wouldn’t understand. It had been far too long with no fucking justice, when he regained his memories of the past only to discover that nothing had changed in over two decades. This was his attempt at giving them that justice. 

“Love of my life.” The words rang hollow in his mind, almost incomplete. There was a flash of an image in his mind, a familiar woman he couldn’t quite place.

“Pregnant with my little boy” The image was washed away by the memory of the ultrasound results. They had wanted it to be a surprise, deciding to open it together after a nice, relaxing date. She hadn’t lived long enough to know she had been carrying a little boy. 

“He’d be about your age now, if his mama hadn’t got caught in the crossfire when two meth-head freaks decided to rob a fucking convenience store.” And this was what truly destroyed him, the life that he could have had with his family. Nothing would make up for the lives that were ripped away from them. But he could at least prevent others from ending up like they did. 

“A world without those people in it… sure smells like peace to me. You break the law, you pay the price. Good riddance, to all of them.” There was a tiny voice somewhere in the mind nagging and squirming with doubt but he couldn’t make out what it was saying… Of course, he didn’t mean all of them. There was Tequila, his friend and brother, and Whiskey didn’t want him dead. And he wouldn’t die if Ginger had her way, she would find a cure eventually by studying the contaminated drug samples and Tequila’s lab tests. He would be fine.

The little shit blinded him! Jack zapped his lasso alive, seemed like Peepaw was in a fighting mood after knocking the revolver out of his hands. Galahad Jr made a lovely horizontal leap through the hoop of his lasso, impressive. He felt the blood rush in his ears before a calm washed over him, his senses heightened to read his surroundings and his vision focused on the movements around him. 

Both the Brits were unsurprisingly well coordinated— individually and as a team. Perhaps with their fancy tech, they would have got one over him, but he was far better trained in close hand-to-hand combat. Time warped around him and he could see their blows coming in almost slow motion, could predict them before they even fell. There was a headache brewing from his gunshot wound that had spread to the back of his skull, this shit was taking too long. Jack reached for the frying pan, he didn’t want to kill these two, temporarily incapacitating them would do. 

This bitch did not just turn on the meat grinder, that’s just evil.

Jack threw the handle of his lasso into the grinder Reap what you sow, asshole.

He grappled with Galahad Sr. for the gun, Jack steadied his hands when the gun faced the younger agent, knowing that the man will take a shot to free him from the grinder. Seemed like butterfly guy finally had his aim back. He had briefly worried the man would take off the kid’s head instead of the rope. The worry cost him a blow to the face and his second revolver. Seemed like all he was doing these days was worry, first for Marley and now for this kid. She would have loved the little shit. 

Marley. Marley? Shit. Fuck. Marley Herer Davis the girl with a fucking weed strain in her name who has an elderly grandma that makes pot brownies.

The irony wasn’t lost on him. When Jack had decided to destroy the case, he had been prepared for the consequences. He would have turned himself in at Statesman, pleaded guilty and accepted the judgement. He had accepted that this would only end with his life— as it should. He had taken countless lives. His actions had meant to destroy, but not her, he had never meant to destroy her. His rage and fury over the death of his childhood sweetheart had made him kill the only other woman he had ever loved.

The realisation paralysed him, he stopped fighting, taking another blow to the face. Suddenly, Jack felt himself lifted into the air. Eggsy floated into the air in his peripheral vision, both hands pushing his chest down into the meat grinder. Motherfu—

His torso slammed onto the edge of the grinder, knocking the wind out of him, the force of Eggsy’s push caused the blades of the grinder to slice up his back. His skin tore and burned but he laid there for a moment shell shocked, arms and legs suspended over the edges of the grinder. Somehow, he had avoided falling head-first into the machine. He notched himself up and off the blades with a gasp of blinding pain, he had definitely lost chunks of meat on his back. 

Jack struggled to stand from the floor, feeling light-headed and boneless, hands slipping in the pool of blood that might be his own. None of the other two agents moved to help him up, both stood aghast at the idea of what could have just happened. They could have minced him alive… almost did too. He swayed on his feet, his jeans were soaked and his ass felt uncomfortably sticky with blood— he was losing too much of it. His entire back burned and lights were flashing behind his eyes. He held up a single hand in a wordles gesture to stay them in their place and pause the fight. 

“Aint no reason for the both of you to be fighting me… the case.” Neither of them moved. 

“THE CASE DAMMIT!” The kid jumped into action reclaiming the case from the floor and swiftly entering the password. Harry kept his eyes trained on Jack, not that he was capable of any surprise attacks at the moment, he leaned on the kitchen island for support. He felt the world give away and lurch around him before he crashed onto the floor, his last vision was the sight of Poppy Adams dead by the counter. 

Jack opened his eyes to a clean, white ceiling and a crisp, sterile room. He was strapped to his bed— the welcome of a prisoner, not an agent. His back was fixed up but it still faintly burned like somebody was furiously trying to slice him up with a serrated butter knife. He squirmed at the itchiness on the wounds. His mind was running a million miles a minute yet not registering a single thought. 

“Agent Whiskey.” Ginger. 

She hadn’t said a word to him all the while escorting him to Champ, not that he tried to engage her. He could feel the disappointment rolling off her in waves. Had it been Ginger’s anger and vitriol, he would have taken it on the chin because he wholly deserved it. He deserved the disappointment too, but it made him unable to even look at her. 

He knew this moment was coming when he had made his decision to end millions of lives, but it still unsettled him. He had never seen this view before— sitting at the foot end of the long table while Champ scowled at him from its head. As one of their finest agents, he always had a seat by the head of the table, but now Gin sat to its right and Tequila occupied the seat on the left. Both of them refused to look at him, he could tell they were both in high temper— enraged. He found that it was comforting, it meant Marley was alive, had anything happened to her, Gin would have emptied his gun right between Jack’s eyes. Anger was a familiar emotion he was far more adept at dealing with. 

The rest of the seats looked empty, even without his glasses, he was certain each of them was occupied by their senior most agents— all in their best cowboy hats. He was in a high state of undress, wearing nothing but a hospital gown, an IV drip still attached to him that he had dragged all the way to this office to listen to their judgement on his actions, on his life.

They had already held a trial while he was unconscious weighing each of his decisions against their consequences. He knew Champ would ask him to explain himself, present his case, and then factor in his motivation before reaching a decision. Jack just wanted them to get on with it instead of making him explain himself, he wasn’t in the chatty mood. 

“We’ve made a decision in your absence, agent.” Thank God.

In all his years at Statesman, he had never once encountered a situation like his. There had been agents they had let go due to misdemeanours, wrongdoings, even behavioural issues, but he had royally fucked up, more than anybody else in the history of Statesman perhaps. 

“We would like you to know that all of the Golden Circle victims have survived.” No thanks to him.

“So we have reduced your punishment.” They won’t be putting him down? The thought was uncomfortable, what would they even make him do? Even if nobody had died, he had attempted to kill them. They were letting him live? What would he even do with that life? All he had ever been, all he knew how to be was a Statesman agent— and he was going to be stripped of that. 

“You will no longer serve as our senior agent, the Statesman shares that are a part of your employee benefits package will be returned to the agency.” So they were just going to fire him? What about jail? 

“You will be restricted to Statesman headquarters here in Kentucky for the foreseeable future until we have finished running some tests on you and completed your mental evaluations. You will have a job and accommodation on the premises. Further decisions will be made on the results of your evaluations and other behavioural observations.” He had heard the words but none of them made sense to him. 

“Now, the final order of business… we would be honoured if one of you would be our new Agent Whiskey.” He addressed Galahad 1 and 2 standing over his right shoulder. Absolutely not. It was sadistic of Champ to recruit his replacement right in front of him. Moreover, if anybody had the right to join the table, it was the agent who had been waiting in the wings for years.

“Champ… if I may, I would like to recommend Ginger for that post.” His voice, embarrassingly enough, came out scratchy and rough from unuse. It was such a tedious thing to worry about in the aftermath of everything, but Jack grew self-conscious when everyone turned to stare at him incredulously. Yes, yes, he’d been the asshole who voted against her every time.

Series Index Part 5

[arom-antix]

feel free to publish this...wish I was braver but *shrugs* first lemme give you n everyone else brave enough to not hide under anon (like me, lmao) ur flowers for speaking up b/c this drama feels like a long time coming 

one of the weirdest parts of Samurai's deal is how she acts against her own interests. at the end of the day, ur main goal is to get ppl to read this 300K fic that youve spent years on, right? 

which, fair. no issue with that

heres what I do have an issue with, Samurai: you acting like no one in the fandom respects ur writing talent when ur stats tell a different story. (notice i said respects ur writing talent. not respects ur social media presence...more on that later)

anyway, Samurai: be so fucking forreal right now

calling urself "an underdog"?! (if anybody doesnt know what im talking about, @arom-antix screenshotted a post from Samurai's social media where she says she doesnt wanna do fandom events b/c she would just get ignored) 

do you really have the right to call urself an underdog when you have 600+ kudos n 1000+ comments on ur fanfic??? I have friends in newer n bigger fandoms who are multichap fic writers who would commit murder for those numbers. n let me add that their fics have been complete for a minute. unlike Samurai's fic which she completed *checks notes* this past fucking weekend 

the funny part is its giving Katsuki Yuuri thinking hes lower than dirt even when hes made it to the gpf/is japans best figure skater. that screenshot you included where she's like "my stats are nothing to be proud of..."

like ???? 

does she not realize how fucking insulting that is to allllll the fic writers who have nowhere near the numbers she does? im not a writer but if i was n saw that itd make me feel like shit. like a minami kenjirou 'you dont have a dark past' kind of thing lmao. n to that point, its like you said earlier. its fine to have anxiety n to not be perfect in dealing with it. but when you dont sort that shit out with a therapist n instead make ur insecurity an entire fandoms problem over n over again is it really that big a fucking puzzle why ur losing readers? or why nobody wants to reblog ur shit?  

if shes really that clueless n cant see how ppl might be turned off by her personality (the reverse from before: im not saying shit about her actual writing here which i think is pretty decent) it makes me wonder, like...

why did her beta reader never sit her down? why didn't her friend @cecebeanie ever tell her "stop being a dick on social media ur ruining everything ur working so hard for?" or, maybe they did n she told them to fuck off because she seems to think she knows everything. 

ok, imma stop there before i really go off lmao. thank you again for being a go-between for ppl too scared to chime in by name. appreciate youuuuuu <3

Thank you very much for this ask. Don't worry, there's nothing wrong with not feeling comfortable with publically including yourself in Internet scuffles by name. I'm glad to be the middle man so people like you get to have an anonymous platform to speak through.

And yeah, a bunch of what you've said is exactly what my point was with pointing out Samurai's simultaneous lament of her "bad" stats and dismissal of any explanation of why their stats might look like that. Also, let me reiterate: There is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling insecure or demotivated by something that someone else might find incredibly motivating. We're all different and have different PoVs. However, there's a difference between feeling insecure and dealing with it privately and feeling insecure and then making that everyone else's problem by vagueposting and getting upset with the people supporting you for not being enough. I'm not saying you can't post whatever you want on your socials but if you do you also have to accept that people might find that off-putting. That's just how it is. Especially if those posts imply, whether on purpose or not, that any support you might still have doesn't count because it's not what you were hoping for.

And there's a good point in this ask that I want to highlight: The implication in a lot of Samurai's posts that they're not respected leaves a sour taste in the mouths of those who read those posts. Contrary to what Samurai's way of posting would have you believe, they have plenty of readers who very much do respect their writing. And if you respect someone and then that someone repeatedly publically laments how no one respects them, you're going to feel disrespected and ignored, the exact things Samurai is so upset about being (see links at the bottom of this post to find the full discussions of Samurai's online attitude). It's quite ironic, if I'm honest. It's basically a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you constantly insist that no one cares about you, eventually you'll convince the people who do care about you that maybe they shouldn't because you only bring negative attitudes and no one wants that.

And so, you're now in exactly the situation you feared so much specifically because you couldn't let yourself or the people around you exist without that frustration of yours being at the forefront of every conversation. Trust me, I'm heavily medicated for anxiety, I know how easy it is to fall into a cycle of only thinking about your fears. But if you want to escape them, you either have to contront them head on or learn to live in spite of them. If you only ever focus on how much they're dominating your life, they'll just consume you and ruin you.

I know I've been pretty harsh in my posts about this situation but if you're reading this, Samurai, know that I don't want you to suffer. I don't want you to leave the Internet or stop doing the things you love. I know you love writing, I can tell it's a big passion of yours and I know you love YOI. I encourage you to keep engaging with your passions and finding joy in whatever you love. However, you also need to let others do the same. Even if their "non-academic" posts lessen your enjoyment of what the ideal fandom experience would be, too bad. You don't get to decide how others engage with fandom. The only thing you get to decide is how you engage. If other people's posts annoy you, you're not required to look at them. Of course it sucks if there are very few people and posts you enjoy when you'd rather have a litany of stuff to engage with but that's just how being on the Internet is. You don't get to control these things. Be the change you want to see in the world but don't look down at others for not sharing those same goals of change. You do you, they'll do them.

Just because you prefer your way of doing fandom doesn't make it better than anyone else's and either you recognise that and get over yourself or people won't want to interact with you. End of. That's just how it is. People don't like interacting with people who make them feel lesser and the way you're interacting with the fandom at the moment is very much making people feel like that. I know, I know, you don't intend for that to be the takeaway, but it is. That's how you come across. And if you don't know how to not come across that way, you're allowed to ask.

I know you have friends such as Cecebeanie who you can talk to about this. I know you probably don't want to talk to me but if it comes down to it, I don't hate you and would love to help you if you'd let me. Again, I would not be shocked if you don't want anything to do with me ever again. I am kinda repeatedly coming after you. I wouldn't want to talk to me even if I agreed with the criticism. But if it ever becomes relevant, I do not hate you and while I have my hang-ups about you, I don't need to be BFFs with someone just to talk to them. You're not an idiot. You're not stupid. I know you're not. But you're behaving really immaturely and irresponsibly, both generally and towards individuals. That does not make you a lost cause.

While I don't have high hopes that you'll actually take any of my criticism to heart, if you decide to give a redemption a try, I'd gladly help if you'd let me. I don't want to crucify you. I just want you to do better for the sake of everyone, including yourself.

That became longer than intended. Anyway, thanks again for the ask, anon. For anyone else who has something they want to say, my ask box is always open, regardless of whether you agree with me or not. I don't cherrypick who gets to voice their opinion in a public debate. I'll be answering every ask regardless. And choosing to be anonymous, regardless of what stance you take, is also nothing to be ashamed of. I totally get it if you want to voice an opinion or comment on this situation but don't want to be publically tied to it. That's totally fine. It is kind of a lot. Especially considering how many have mentioned being afraid of retaliation from Samurai, I don't mind being the middle man at all. Ask away with whatever you want to add to this discussion.

Thank you for the ask, anon.

Links to the two main threads this discussion is running through: Thread one Thread two

[chemicalarospec]

ugh i came to terms with the fucking wilbur shit merch i have and don't know what to do with back when the truth was revealed but i just remembered how much fucking money (my parents) spent on it. i got the stupid fucking polaroid pullover i loved him so much and that was the design i wanted most. i can cut his name out, try to make it my own thing (even though it feels fundementally his), but i gave him all that fucking money anyways

anyways since i'm posting about him somethign i can't stop thinking about lately is how much of his public persona was a compelte goddamn lie. she said he lied about things she thinks no one should lie about. his values i think, the breadth of it is really something. when fundy made that shitty joke and was breifly cancelled, if iremember correctly wilbur was one of the people he said he spent hours talking to understanding his mistake. fans used to praise him for paying attention to how Ranboo said his name and saying it hte same way. and sometimes he was more obvious, when i first became a fan right about then he punched the window and i thoguht that was extremely concerning behavior but he acted like it was nromal and the fans kidn of saccepted it eventually so i dismissed it but his instability was right there all along... and the way he normalized his own lying, i've always thought lyign for fun/manipulation was way too accepted on tumblr/the internet, but he would sometimes admit to it in a way that made the fans just be like 'that's wilbur hehe'. and his fucking incelbur songs, he would talk abuot all the ways that 'character' was creepy and manipulative and abusive but he never fucking respected consent himself! and he was always looking out for tommy, didn't want him in Weird relationships/situations, back then it was sweet protective older brother behavior. and that's another thing that gets me like. he really probably played a major part shaping Tommy into the person who would reject him when the truth about him came out. if i remember correctly tommy and wilbur had the original 'safe word' for when a joke was going too far and tommy mentioned his 'safe word' on his podcast with jack just the other week. they fucking wrote that quote book together, i really feel bad for tommy, that's a whole lot worse to deal with than just buying something of his. we all saw him as a good influence on tommy. and i think he genuinely was for the most part, i think he kept up the lie or persona or whatever mostly and shared with tommy values he didn't practice himself.