#And my body is breaking down
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What doesn't get talked about is that when you're grieving, eventually you're going to forget. Doesn't matter how big it is, but eventually the grief will slip your mind, and you'll be a you without that weighing on every molecule of your body. Then, the moment will end, and you'll feel so bad about it. You're going to blame yourself for forgetting, and it'll probably be in a grocery store or running an errand. It'll be okay to forget, it'll be okay to feel bad, it'll be okay to be whoever you are after the grief starts, and it'll be okay to be whoever you are after the grief fades into the background. It's normal, all of it, and it sucks. You'll be okay, and it'll be okay to be okay, it'll be okay to be not okay about being okay. I've lost so many people in my life, so much death. You are not beholden to self flagellation, but you are free to, like you are free to move on
#I am having a bad day#And my body is breaking down#I miss so many people#But I forget about them#My life will never be the same without them#But my life is my new normal#And normal becomes automatic#That's life#I hope if my body fails that the people who love me do not find my remainders interrupting their days#But I hope at least some people remember me fondly#And everyone who is glad to see me gone finds peace in knowing I cannot return#Speak my name when it comes to you#Think of me when time allows#And let me go when you must
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hope you feel better soon!
I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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The idea that uni protesters are "elitist ivy-league rich kids larping as revolutionaries" on Twitter and Reddit and even here is so fucking funny to me if you actually know anything about the student bodies at these unis. Take it from someone who's going to one of the biggest private unis in the US, 80% of the peers I know are either from the suburbs or an apartment somewhere in America, children of immigrants, or here on a student visa. I've heard about one-percenter students, but I've never met one in person. Like, don't get me wrong, the institution as a whole is still very privileged and white. I've talked with friends and classmates about feeling weird or dissonant being here and coming from such a different background. But in my art program, I see BIPOC, disabled, queer, lower-income students and faculty trying to deconstruct and tear that down and make space every day. So to take a cursory glance at a crowd of student protesters in coalitions that are led by BIPOC & 1st/2nd-gen immigrant students and HQ'd in ethnic housings and student organizations and say, "ah. children of the elite." Get real.
#also idk how to tell you this but even if it were true. wealthy children potentially sacrificing their educational careers to protest is#a good thing actually. idk how to tell you that caring about people from other nations is good#personal#“this war has nothing to do with most students cuz nobody's getting drafted” idk how to explain to you that we should be angry#that our tuitions of 10s of thousands of dollars that we pay every year for an education is being used to fund a genocidal campaign#also the implication that if you go to a uni institution you are automatically privileged by participation no matter your bg#i didn't /want/ to go to this school. i was supposed to go to a school with an art/animation program. but i realized my immigrant#parents have been working their whole lives to get me here. and turning the opportunity down would be a disservice to their sacrifice#this is getting into convos of “what 2nd gen kids owe their parents” which is different for everyone but. yeah#i just get pissed off at seeing people misrepresenting student bodies as “wealthy” and “privileged” and “elite” when it's such a blatant li#i remember a year ago a friend told me they can't fly home to hong kong for winter break because the plane tickets are too expensive#so they have to find temporary housing around the area#last quarter for a film doc class my film partner made a doc on a small group of marxist grad students from india discussing praxis#during a rally a few months ago in response to police presence the coalition invited palestinian students to speak about their experiences#and lead songs and read poems they wrote. these are STUDENTS. are they elitist too?#this is not to disregard my own personal privilege either.#this whole narrative's just to rationalize a lack of empathy to me. seeing a 19yo student get shot by a rubber bullet and your first#reaction is “HAW! HAW! bet richy rich didn't see THAT coming when she put on her terrorist hood!”#newsflash. these big uni campuses are HAUNTED by the violence of past protests and revolutions and police brutality. we know.#why do you think these coalitions have been making reinforced barricades at record speed
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scene from the radio drama+Great Soft Jelly-Thing concepts
#ihnmaims#i have no mouth and i must scream#ihnmaims ted#great soft jelly thing#jess scribbles#spoilers//#body horror//#unsanitary//#I WISH I COULD TRANSLATE THAT SCENE INTO MY ART BETTERRRRR I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ABOUT IT. ITS LITERALLY ONLY IN THE RADIO DRAMA#teds paranoid ranting followed by him breaking down. apologizing & begging to be held. what else can ellen do but comfort him then#its just the position shes put in. even after he was just insulting her to her face in his deluded headspace moments before#the way he breaks down seems like hes already clinging to her before she gets much of her response in. theyre all just so beaten down#SORRY I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABT IHNMAIMS ESP ABOUT ELLEN IN GENERAL. & teds mental health
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Our friends have all but left us. They departed many years ago.
Alt versions under the cut!
#moom makes bullshit#digital art#art#artists on tumblr#Pokémon XY#Pokémon#professor sycamore#AZ Pokémon#wanted to make AZ look a little monstrous so claws and the Whole Mane#you ever realise you are still capable of sympathy after witnessing one of the most benevolent men break down in tears#because lysandre has harmed you both and yet you handle it much better than he does for the lack of attachment#also fun fact i actually did draw sycamore's whole body#but it's completely obscured because he's curled up against az's chest#so that was a mild waste of time! whoops lol#lyrics are from Hungover in the City of Dust by Autoheart#Autoheart my favourite gay angst band#as said from the mouth of an angsty lesbian
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okay a few more danyal al ghul au memes because i think they're funny to make. with bonus yaelokre danyal memes!
yaelokre! danyal 🤝 threes! danyal: being five years older than damian
yaelokre danyal comes from my oneshot right here. however, i would frankly recommend reading the version i put on ao3 because it's been edited and includes more content! shout out to my boy, he's got amnesia </3
Do i think that the LOA has technology in it? Absolutely I do. LED lights but in 3000k warm white instead of the jarring bright sterile white, if they've got glass windows they're those solar panel glass panes my college natural science building uses that detects sunlight position, which in term controls the lights, which in turn saves energy. Amber lights for outside, solar panels. Just. anything environmentally sound and friendly, they've got it, they use it.
Do i think they've got computers and tvs lying around for casual recreational use? ....that i'm not so sure about. For this au? I'm gonna say nooooottt really. That stuff is typically reserved for like, mission planning, debriefing, research, etc. Frankly danny probably does know how to use a computer, however i thought it was funny if he didn't. so the meme is staying in lmao.
If they're not training, they've probably like, got a greenhouse or two somewhere on base they can help with. The LoA's whole thing is balance, harmony, restoring the natural world with extreme environmentalism. All that jazz. Probably plenty of ponds, recreational areas outside, gardens, just, stuff to do that's not technology based. My most basic understanding is that these people are the world's deadliest hippies. They can't be training all the time, that's neither good for morale nor for their bodies, so when they're not training... they're off doing shit. If Ras has kept this thing running for thousands of years then it’s gotta be pretty lit enough that nobody’s revolted lmao.
#dpxdc#dp x dc#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc crossover#danny fenton is not the ghost king#danyal al ghul au#danyal al ghul#amnesiac danyal al ghul au#yaelokre danyal al ghul#hey i finally came up with an au name for my main danyal al ghul au! oh man i have so many posts to reblog. its called#things in threes au#im a good mom talia truther nobody @ me. the villanization of her character stems from post 9/11 racism that's slowly being undone#and there's not enough good mom talia aus in danyal al ghul aus. not ones i've seen at least.#Ras is not an idiot if he's kept this organization running for millennia. If he wants his warriors to be in top shape they *need* breaks#they need high faith and good morale to prevent dissension. Which means good food. things to do. socialization. things to keep them *happy.#Too much exercise is just as bad as not enough and your body will forcibly shut down if you do not do it yourself. Ras can't have that.#of course there's always ruling with an ironfist and dictatorship. but the league would not have lasted as long as it has if that were the#case.#ras may be a shit grandfather in threes but its still up in the air for yaelokre#we’ll see where the wind blows for him. the au is still young
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In a Week by Hozier ft. Karen Cowley
“The raven is death, obviously. When I die, I want a good tombstone—something right spooky. LT’s got something against the underground, though you’d think that would be just his kind of place. That’s alright. He needs to, he can cremate me. It’s not exactly Catholic, and Mam would turn in her grave, but God is a unicorn and no one is pure anymore, so. What’s all that got to do with me?”
Johnny “Soap” McTavish has a journal. Had. It is his no longer.
Simon “Ghost” Riley had dreams—awful ones, the kind that sank claws into his lungs, dragged him into sleep, and then sent him careening out of it. He still has dreams, but they’re different, now. Better. Johnny’s pages have folded themselves under his eyes and gotten into his head, brighter and more infectious than anything else has ever been. It’s more than the past, that rotting carcass behind him, and more than now. Now is nothing. Now is ash. It’s like, it’s like—blinding, is what it is. He’s a blind man.
It is biblical now. Ghost has read it backward and forward and sideways and inside out. When he runs out of things to read, he reads them again, and when that is not enough, he reads between the lines.
#ghostsoap#simon ghost riley#john soap mactavish#soapghost#soap x ghost#ghoap#call of duty#cod mw3#my art#ghost is obsessed with soaps journal bc it breaks his heart at first like really tears it apart but soon focuses on what soap has written#about him. words of admiration and envy and love and fondness. real fondness. jokes made for him thoughts about him musings etc.#and johnnys snippets about his family and how he wants to settle down eventually#then all simon can think about is what life they could’ve lived together after the ‘war’#nevermind that there will always be war be death be blood and love is there and it matters but it changes nothing#for simon there will always be johnny#who even knows if thats what soap wanted if he loved him back if ghost even remembers him as he was instead of what he wishes he could have#become to ghost if things had gone as they should. who knows. the dead dont sing dont speak. all thats left is what they wrote#the cigarettes refer to soaps smoking habit and how ghost disapproves like a nagging wife. the ash smudges and burns in the paper allude to#ghost deciding to have soap cremated as a spouse decides post mortem due to his own aversion to being underground bc he doesn’t want soap#to be nothing but a decomposing body. he couldn’t bear that. he couldn’t bury him alive or dead so burning it is
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God, I can't stop thinking about what Camilla's internal dialogue must be like after GtN
She's such a quiet character and really seems to try to keep up a stoic appearance but like, man she really has a lot of shit going on and her development between GtN and NtN is so insane but still seemingly subtle.
I can't even begin to imagine what the final day on Canaan House must have felt like to her because in many ways she's kind of a weird mirror to harrow right?? Her Necromancer has just sacrificed himself to save her life, tragically failed at doing so, and now she's all alone trying her best to collect the bone fragment of the person closest to her? Clinging on to a plan b that, as far as she knows, could have already failed! The fact she even let Palamedes consider a plan b like this would be unthinkable for the Camilla of NtN! She's just incredibly out of her depth the entire time, probably trying her best not just to break down
Do you ever think she resents Palamedes for that day? Whenever she was looking at his bone fragments, or even when he was back and now in his mind it's like. The fact that he acts like she's the reckless one, that he keeps getting mad at her to take better care of herself, do you ever think she hears that and just. remembers picking up pieces of his skull?
Maybe that's why she's relieved when they get to perform grand lysis, she doesn't need to be scared that he'll risk his life for her again and he doesn't need to be scared she'll do the same, they both choose to die together and make something new, someone new that risks their life only for themselves?
Idk, I just think their whole story is so scary and beautiful, they really did go loud.
#the moment before the grand lysis where she breaks down#and just talks to Palamedes#god#also you know shes devoted to him because if my (static noise) was in the body of babs i would NOT be able to not laugh#i just love them#i just love Paul#the locked tomb#gideon the ninth#harrow the ninth#nona the ninth#tlt spoilers#campal#camilla hect#palamedes sextus#paul tlt
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this world wasn’t made for children — any of us, whether we be palestinian, queer, autistic, or whatever.
tw for death, transphobia, zionism, racism, genocide, and a heavy vent about them all
i’m sitting in my room and i feel so…empty? heartbroken? distraught? i don’t know the right word to describe how i feel after hearing about nex benedict.
nex was a 16 y/o member of the diné/cherokee (i’m so sorry if that isn’t the right term, no ill-intent whatsoever) nation in oklahoma.
they were murdered by three girls in their high school class in a bathroom on february 7th, just this year.
i won’t talk about the system that failed them — that is failing so many others like them, myself included — because i genuinely don’t know what more to say. my heart aches for them and the knowledge that, regardless of them being non-binary, they were a child. nex benedict was younger than me, and should’ve lived a long, happy life. instead, they’re fucking DEAD.
as i sit at my desk, complaining to my own friends my woes and worries, i can feel my heart ripping itself in half. nex benedict deserved just as happy and prosperous of a life as the rest of us. i think about how that could’ve been my own queer friends in my own far-right state, hell, it could’ve been me, and it would hurt all the same. as another non-binary person myself i cry for the life that was stolen from a fucking CHILD. nex benedict was younger than me, and it’s haunting to think about.
i feel the same about the thousands of children being fucking carpet bombed in gaza and lebanon. again, i won’t go into detail about the system of zionist apartheid that is causing so. many. children just like me to toe the line between life and death. i feel the same about the babies starving to death in south sudan, the uyghur women that won’t be able to have children because they’ve been sterilized against their will, the queer tweens in conservative, red-leaning states that have to fight to live in peace.
what is this world, if not made for children? when black kids are shot because fucking pigs see them as threats instead of CHILDREN? when muslim girls are beaten up for wearing hijabs because ignorant bigots fail to see the internal struggle that comes with it, and see nothing but fascist, conservative propaganda? when autistic kids are abused and punished for not being able to conform neurotypical conventions that they physically can’t uphold?
when will this world start giving a fuck about kids like us? kids like hind rajab (6), nex benedict (16), and ahmed mansara?
wake the fuck UP.
#genocide#palestine#gaza#non-binary#nex benedict#sudan#south sudan#xinjiang#ahmed mansara#hind rajab#it’s taking every bone in my body for me to not break down and start sobbing my eyes out
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Inktober: Week 5
Happy Halloween!
"Agree to disagree, we both know who's right"
I thought about what other wacky stuff I could do with the vessel au.
What if Volo became a vessel for Giratina? What if he made himself a vessel on purpose and stole Giratina's power?
Originally the two were cooperating with one another but once Arceus tried to fix everything via a vessel/proxy, Giratina suedo abandoned Volo's plan a little (still mulling over the plot in my head) and left Volo without answers or assistance.
He would feel absolutely cheated. The most damning thing to refute all of his ideals and thoughts that the world was unfair and unjust.
He was abandon by Arceus and the one it outcast from the realms.
He is not the grand hero everyone loves.
He's had no just reason for all the wrong that has happened in his life.
He'd be furious. Insulted. He probably is plotting revenge of both god and vessel.
So if a pokemon won't listen, there are other ways to capture it. The red chain can steal back Giratina and bind it to him, making himself a vessel for a god instead of Gris.
But it doesn't work very well. Giratina's too big, too much for a mortal to house it without consequences. While Gris held off and fought off the possession, Volo foolishly takes on more than he could carry.
He's too blinded by rage, by the need to have victory over Arceus that he doesn't care if it's splitting him apart, or that he'll forever bind Giratina to his body due to the red chain's hold.
If Volo steals Giratina, he would become an imperfect vessel, a violitle bomb ready to lose his mind and tear the world apart.
(also I wanna add design notes so the tendrils are meant to be like tainted angel wings and I took artistic liberty to make the red chain more ribbony to add to the evil devilish flow going on.)
#Volo would be twitching and sweating like he was about to turn into a zombie#he'd be like 'im fine just some migrains layered together and my bones feel like they're breaking'#Volo would either fall over and die or break his brain and Giratina's and end the world#vessel au#volo#giratina#possession#tw body horror#tw eye contact#eye contact#happy halloween#inktober#spooky month#pokemon#pokemon fanart#pokemon legends arceus#pla#pokémon legends#volo fanart#and yes I drew him that way on purpose if you get what I'm putting down#teef#digital art#digital illustration
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#skylldraws#Hello#it’s been a while#i’m recovering from surgery right now#My last post for this series i was going through a bit of a break down#And i have since come to the suspicion that being on birth control was actually what was making me feel crazy and messing up my body#So i had my fallopian tubes removed lmao#So now here I am with essentially a stab wound in my belly button#Drawing gay anime characters and lesbian penguins#As one does#anyway it’ll be nice is someone out there remembers this comic and is happy to see it#I can’t promise regular updates#But i certainly haven’t forgotten it#Tododeku#tddk#Tddk fanart#Todoizu#Tdiz#Izushou#todoroki x midoriya#todoroki x deku#shouto x izuku#bnha#bnha comic#Tddk au#Quirkless deku#Tddk fantasy au#Bnha fantasy au#quirkless midoriya izuku
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part 1 of a shape study i'm doing on earthspark bumblebee, it helped me a lot to map out the 3d shapes so i figured i'd post it in case this helps anyone else!
#/ my art.#transformers#maccadams#bumblebee#earthspark#transformers earthspark#earthspark bumblebee#shape study#next i want to break down the rest of the body#idk if i'll post it bc it will probably be long but! we shall see
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About being allergic to your loved one
#tf2#tf2 sniper#my_art#kitt#i can feel my body slowly breaking down over years#developing asthma recently…#sigh 😔
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sorry ghouls but the latest chapter of suitor armor is kinda making my neurons fizzle out
like. do you Get It
#i got to lucia grabbing his collar and threatening him and his sheer glee at pushing her to this point#and the evil little corruption arc neuron in my brain went Oh.#to only be respected and understood and have your anger outright DESIRED by the person you hate the most#HOW HE BUILDS HER UP AND BREAKS HER DOWN AND THRIVES IN HER BITTERNESS AND RESENTMENT#and his nephew's body is right there in the room w him but all he can see is her magic and malice this man is SICK in the mind and i LOVE IT#suitor armor#lucia/ricon#god is there even a ship name for these two. i love their dynamic#i just know ricon's death is going to be sooooooo delicious
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im being so so brave but also i am gripping you by the shoulders and leaning in and letting you know i am so tired of being brave
#my job has invented new and even more agonizing ways to make itself stressful to endure#and that isn't even counting the fact that i've now seriously fucked up my wrist transporting 30lb boxes up and down stairs#or the fact that i occasionally get piercing shoulder pains if i'm not super careful about how i use the hand truck#or the fact that whenever i come home on mondays my entire lower body is so sore that i can't move beyond a weak shuffle#it's the fact that my boss has no sense of organization#so my supervisor and i are basically salvaging or starting from scratch every week#it's the fact that some of our clients are asking for things we're not even contracted to provide#like access to our company materials or additional resources outside of our scheduled bookings#and that there's this constant looming threat of 'ohhh don't be bad at your job!! or else we'll lose our contract with these people!!'#but 'bad at your job' in this case means 'not bending over backwards to accommodate the least accommodating circumstances possible'#like 'hey you need to lead this training exercise meant for 20 people except actually you only have 4 people'#'and actually none of them are familiar with the prerequisites for this training or have any experience with the skills'#'and also none of them want to be there and half of them just Don't Do These Things as a rule'#'and if you try to make them do anything they don't want to do (even if it's literally the point of the training) they Will leave'#'and then we will no longer have enough clients to pay you'#like. what am i doing. this company was not designed to work with this format. we're not an arts and crafts group or a club meeting#hi so i wrote this post before starting weekend work prep#it has been 3 hours now#im still not done#i haven't eaten and my wrist hurts so bad#i need to.................. take a break................................
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don’t worry about me when i’m away because i'm usually just doing this and going on walks
#river dipping#video#theodore doe#echthroi#ts4#looped this like sixteen times just now while sitting here about to add my inane little tags..............................#i need to devour him .#i get why matthias wants to grab theo around the waist and deep—[GUNSHOT] [GLASS BREAKING] [THROUGH A HEADPIECE: TARGET ELIMINATED]#theo dressed up as my favorite animal everyone blow red panda boy a big fat kiss#i’d add more tags explaining like oh i’ve been good! just avoidant! except my body hurts bc i got the new covid vaccine yesterday so .#currently just rewatching killing eve and laying down. you understand#will definitely come back sometime this month bc theo’s birthday is on the 28th!!!!! libra boyyyy#how is the birthday edit coming along you might be wondering?#i haven’t started it 🥰🥰🥰
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