#And maybe recommendations for songs about emotional release

[magicalgoblinz]

One Thing

Summary: You did it. Cazador's dead and now... Astarion is finding himself working through some big emotions. Pairing: Astarion x gn!reader Word Count: 3.5 k Warnings: General angst, eluding to physical, emotional, and sexual abuse. Possibly ooc Astarion. Quickly edited. Song Recommendation: Never Let Me Go + Florence and the Machine Author's Note: First thing I've ever written for Astarion but I get the feeling it won't be the last. I really genuinely just wanted to get this idea out of my brain even if it's a bit strange and not all that amazing haha.

It had been a long day. Perhaps one of the longest you and your party had endured yet, or... at least it felt that way. It wasn't hard on your body like the goblin fight had been, nor had it been arcanely exhaustive like chasing that damned hag was. No, standing in the halls of Cazador's palace brought a different type of exhaustion. Passing through the spaces that your lover had once stalked attempting to go unseen by his master, seeing the sights of the spaces he was kept, smelling the decay, the putridness that no doubt lingered in the meals he was forced to partake in.

Every sight, smell, and sound you had come across weighed heavily on you. Even now as you sat in the plush comfort that was Elfsong Inn, freshly washed, the scents lingered in your nose and left a bitter taste in your mouth.

You pushed around the hastily prepared hash in your bowl, frown bared for everyone to see. Your thoughts were only for him. Every second of silence you could hear his sobs in that moment. The cries pulled from his very core, the kind of cries you could imagine he had dreamed of releasing for so long through every moment of torture he was subjected to. There was no way to imagine all of the atrocities he had suffered, yet somehow being left with nothing made every idea that flitted past your mind's eye so much worse.

You for so long had wished to weep for him. Weep for the time he had lost. Weep for the pain he must have felt in having to stand on the outside wondering if his family and friends ever thought of him again after he passed on. Weep for the crushed hopes for the future he had at one time had.

But what good would your tears do him now?

Cazador was dead.

And more importantly... Astarion was free.

So why did it all still feel so... excruciatingly heavy?

"Ts'ka --- eat and do not play. You need your strength for tomorrow." Lae'zel pushed from her lounging position on the floor.

"Have some heart, Lae'zel. It’s been a very difficult day." Wyll was quick to defend upon seeing the way your expression soured at the thought of eating. "Y/n, had to assist our resident vampire through some very hard things today. Including walking through where he had been kept prisoner. Imagine having to do the same with your lover." He said with a gesture towards Lae'zel.

"If I had a lover they would be able to care for themselves; it would be the first thing I looked for in a mate. A prowess to stay alive in battle like my own is the only thing that is truly attractive." Lae'zel said with a lifted chin.

Wyll's lips parted as if to say something more but began to shake his head, there was no fighting with La'zel. She didn't dig her heels in when it came to opinions, no her entire feet were buried. "Speaking of Astarion, where is he?" He eventually asked, changing the focus of the conversation.

"I believe he went for a bath." Shadowheart interjected, "He said something about not being able to stand having his beauty mired... you know how he is." She said, not lifting her eyes from her bowl with a small wave of her spoon that was held in delicate fingers.

Her saying this seemed to pull your eyes towards the door of the wash room. It had been a while since he left now that you thought about it. Your brows lowered a bit in thought; Astarion deserved his space right now, but you still couldn't help but want to hold his hand and not let it go after everything that had happened today. Maybe he wouldn't want that though, not with what you did today.

That look in his eyes...

Now that he had the time to actually think about what you did, what you talked him into doing; would he feel betrayed?

You had promised him you'd help him get that power he so desired, but when that chance came you changed your mind.

The idea of Astarion no longer trusting you hurt more than imagining him ending whatever it was the two of you had. The worries made your expression sullen even more, looking down at your bowl with a deeper pit growing in your stomach. Did you really want to find out?

Out of the blue, there is a light nudge to your arm. The little touch is enough to pull you back up from your descent into grieving something you hadn't even lost yet. With a glance to your right you find Karlach with a bottle outstretched to you. "I think we could all use a little drink tonight... but especially Astarion." She said warmly, "Perhaps you should see if he wants some?" She continued with a little jerk of her head towards the closed doors. Her tone made it all to clear that your inner turmoil was written out on your face for everyone to see.

A sigh escaped your throat as you debated on whether or not that was a good idea but the way Karlach began to lazily swing the bottle back and forth with her hand triggered something in your mind that made you reach out and take it in one smooth movement.

It couldn't hurt to check in on him?

Could it?

Astarion's head was rested back, hanging over the edge of the bath he sat in. The water had lost the majority of its warmth, and his hand had pruned but he made no movements to get out. Eyes transfixed on the dancing flames in the fireplace at the side of the room. Every twist of orange and lift of a spark made his mind lurch through another memory; they all seemed to be coming back to him now, one by one. His mind shuddered from the thought of a blade pressed into his skin, carving, etching, his skin becoming the canvas for a dastardly design that he wouldn't understand for years.

Funnily, the recollection of pain wasn't what bothered him. It was having to recall his own voice struggling not to escape his lips throughout the entire gut-wrenching experience that made his hand ball into a fist.

With a pop and crackle of the wood Astarion's memories would carry on to something else.

His ears ringing, echoing the silence of that tomb. Gods above that tomb. That year spent in silence. Those months spent starving. The way his hands bled from trying ever so desperately to escape. Over what...? A boy that he couldn't bear to steal the life away from.

Astarion took in a sharp breath as he tried to shake away the thought, as he sat up.

But still the memories continued to bleed through. The faces of all those people he had brought to Cazador, he could see them in his mind's eye. The memories of bedding some of them, cycling through his head in a complete sequence even though they were spread across centuries. A flash of a young human woman who excitedly spun in a brand new red dress that she was ever so excited to show off. The pale blue of a nervous elf man's eyes as they darted around the room the second Astarion approached. Seeing the tattoos and the scars spread across the back of a dwarven sailor who stretched after returning to the mainland after a long voyage. The shine of a coy tiefling woman's smile as she attempted to steal his coin purse from his pocket. So many lives, so many people. At what point did he begin to stop caring? Who was it that he pulled by the wrist back to a dreary room that made him start drifting away any time he had to become intimate? Or was it any of them at all?

His features twisted into an expression of disgust the second his mind started going down that path. There was no amount of Cazador being dead that made those memories better. In a snap his balled up hands lifted to rub his eyes in annoyance. If only Astarion could wash out his eyes and his mind and start anew. If only.

And to think... he had wanted this for so long.

He had dreamt about the day he'd be able to have the cathartic feeling of stabbing Cazador, again, and again, and again. And now that it had come and gone... he wished he could have kept going forever. Fuck, he wished he had. After everything Cazador had done to him, the bastard deserved so much worse than to bleed out on that cold floor. He deserved to suffer just as much as Astarion had, if not more.

Astarion couldn't help but wish that he had ignored everyone and continued the ritual as a perfect slap in the face to Cazador. Continued that ritual, so for the first time in all these years... he'd be safe. Entirely safe. And the loss of that made his chest ache, he was so close to crying all over again.

But then...

Tap, tap, tap

"Astarion," Your voice started from just beyond the doors. "I'm sorry to bother you. I just um... wanted to check in. Karlach thought you might need a drink."

There was you.

Astarion's head lifted from his hands as he took in a deep breath. He tried to shove all those emotions back down again, to put the cork back in the bottle before they could really bleed out into him properly. His gaze lingering on the door, lips unmoving.

"Didn't you hear him? If you complete the ritual, you'll be consumed, Astarion." You had said with a look of sincere terror in your eyes. The look wasn't foreign to him... but perhaps different? People had been scared of him before, oh people had been terrified once they realized what he was. But just how many people had been scared for him? That... he didn't know.

He couldn't remember his exact words in reply now, the tension and adrenaline leaving them in a silent part of his mind but what he did recall was the way you looked at him. It stung. It stung so much more than the little voice in the back of his mind screaming that you were breaking your promise.

You promised to help him ascend. You swore you would help him ascend. You said---

Gods that look. Astarion couldn’t shake it.

The way your eyes seemed to plead with him before you had even opened your mouth. Begging him to reconsider. "I know you think this will set you free, but it won't." Your voice was so gentle, but still so desperate. "This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador. Is that really what you want?"

You were right, as much as he hated it. You were always right.

But more than that. As he thought about it now, he recognized something that he hadn't in that moment...

Just outside the door you stood listening, hoping to hear something, anything. Your thumb fumbled with the cork of the bottle nervously. This was a bad idea wasn't it? He needed more time. This was too soon to try and come see him. Gods... what if he really did hate you for what you did. You started to shake your head, "...I'm going to take that as a no. I'll um..." you started lightly, trying not to have your worry show through in your words. "I'm sorry again for interrupting. I'll see you when you're finished, my darling."

Once more. You wanted to call him that one more time before he had a chance to break things off.

"Come in."

Your eyes couldn't help but widen ever so slightly, hand moving to the handle before cautiously pushing the door open and poking your head in. From this angle you could see Astarion's side profile, the good majority of the grime and blood from the day having been washed away, though his clothes that sat off to the side on a bench, were stained a deep red that would take ages to remove, if it ever came out at all. His eyes soon looked your way tiredly. As an instinct you quickly held up the bottle you had brought him, no words coming to follow it, they all seemed to have gone into hiding the second his eyes landed on you.

"Are you planning on bringing the bottle here my sweet, or to just... swing it around like an idiot?" He asked in a long drawn out way, a tone that felt like he was trying to maintain a sense of normalcy for you, but at this point in your adventure together the look in his eyes was more than enough to tell you that he was working through something.

You were entirely taken aback by the gentle name used, a little bit of relief seeping into your chest. "Y-you want me to come in?"

"Was that not what I said?"

Your lips parted, deciding not to speak just yet and instead closing the door behind you. "I'm sorry... I just didn't want to overstep with you, you know… washing and all." You said slowly, acting as if you weren’t both adults – who had on more than occasion – slept together.

Even now, even after seeing him at his lowest today, you were still trying to respect whatever boundaries he had. The thought made Astarion close his eyes and let out a soft laugh, "Darling, you've seen me naked before, it's fine." He assured, "Now...please, for the love of gore and everything soaked in blood, can you bring me that bottle."

There was no reluctance now, carrying yourself to his side with ease. As you approached you couldn't help but notice that his hair was still matted thick with blood in places. All this time he clearly had just been lost in his thoughts as much as you expected really. His hand reached up the second you drew near, taking the bottle from your hands greedily, popping the cork and taking a decidedly long drink. Not minding you at all as you reluctantly found a seat on the bench his clothes were rested upon.

The sight of his nose scrunching a bit from the taste of the wine made an ever so small smile tug at the corner of your mouth. It was hard not to recall him making that same face at the tiefling party not so long ago. Vinegar for wine. Would there be a day when the wine you brought him didn't elicit that involuntary response?

Astarion glanced at you from the corner of his eye, "You'd have made an excellent vampire, you know." He said with an amused little grin, all happy to see the confusion cover your features.

"Why is that?"

"Asking to come in, obviously." He joked loosely,

A small laugh left your lips as your eyes drifted to the floor, "I didn't realize that respecting people's privacy was so vampiresque."

"It's not, we're atrociously nosey by nature and well... it's just another fun hindrance to go against that nature I suppose." Astarion spoke in his normal moseying draw. 

"I see..."

There was a breadth of silence between the two of you. A silence that carried the heaviness of the day's events. You knew it needed to be said, but it didn't make it any easier to consider what the exact words were that needed saying. How to broach it? What if he didn’t want to talk about it at all and you misread the situation entirely? You kept glancing his way hoping to have it all come together in your mind like some sort of epiphany, yet he beat you to it.

"I'm not upset with you, darling. You don't have to keep looking at me like that." Astarion spoke suddenly with all the ease in the world.

"You're not?"

"Well,  perhaps I was a little at first. You did go back on your word, after all." Astarion pointed out, eyes now fixed on the bottle in his hand. “I think anyone might be a bit… sour after something like that.”

There was the guilt again. "Astarion... I'm sorry, I---"

"I don't want your apologies." He cut in sharply, finally turning his gaze to look your way.  Despite what his tone may have indicated, his eyes weren't as stern as they normally appeared when he was upset. No, they were instead ever so full of sadness.  "...I-I'm not angry with you. I swear it. But what I don't understand is why I don't feel any fucking better." Astarion said as his voice suddenly sounded so much more fragile. "I... I killed him. I got the revenge I've dreamed about for two-hundred fucking years. The same revenge I begged for the whole year I was locked in that horrid tomb." He hissed, "I took back my life and yet I... I feel like I didn't do enough."

He was cracking. That much you could see.

"I can't help but wonder if I had completed the ceremony if that would have been enough. Enough to rub it in his Gods damned face that I did it." Astarion admitted sternly, lifting his chin as his eyes stayed focused on the bottle still, "Watch this worm take away everything from him like he took everything from me." He mumbled out, the heat leaving his voice for a brief second as all that he was left with was glassy eyes.

"...I-I would have never had to fear anyone or anything ever again..." Astarion uttered through clenched teeth, tears finally breaking free and running down his cheeks one at a time. "...and now it's gone."

Wordlessly you got to your feet, taking a few steps forward to close the gap between you both, leaning down to wrap your arms around his neck in the most comforting hug you could possibly muster. His hand immediately finds your arm, holding it tight as for the second time in your journey, he begins to cry.

Silence seems to be what Astarion needed from you, wailing into the open air as everything he has stuffed away into that bottle comes pouring back out. No apologies. No consoling words. Just for you to hold him, to give him time. His head rests against yours almost as if to ensure that even now, after everything you both had been through, you couldn't see him cry. Perhaps the idea of you seeing it happen twice in a day was too much for him. Or perhaps there was still a festering feeling of weakness that would bubble up if he let you see him cry.

"Oh my sweet, sweet, Astarion." You mumbled holding him tighter than before, listening as his sobs grew softer over the passing moments. 

Waiting. Listening.

Once his frame had stopped shaking you finally raised your voice once more . "...if I could Astarion, I would take away all of the hurt in an instant... but I can't. And I wish you knew just how much it pains me to not be able to." You speak, parting your lips to continue on but pause as you feel a familiar shudder resonate through your mind. He was peering in, confirming the statement for himself it seemed. "The most I can do is promise you something..." you continued on, pretending like you weren't aware of poking around, you had nothing to hide for one key reason…

Gently you pulled back, running your hand from his neck to his chin to tilt his head up. Eyes looking over his tear stained cheeks and then to meet his own shimmering red eyes. "I promise you that, as long as I'm here you will never have to fear anything... or anyone again." You assured, thumbs brushing over his cheeks as you wipe away his remaining tears. “Because Astarion… I love you and… I will never let you go.”

The look that fills Astarion's eyes is something that you had only seen once before when you decided to hug him for the first time back in the Shadowlands. It was a look that spoke numbers towards just how frightening the unknown was for him. How terrifying it could be to have someone love you so truly and want nothing in return for the first time in his life.

You feel a rush of surprise followed by so overwhelming, your lips curl into the same smile you gave him then as you had reached out to wrap your arms around him to hold him tight…

You know the feeling even if he can’t say it yet.

Love.

Because that was the thing. Astarion had realized before this that you… well, you were the only good thing that he’s ever had. That he’d do just about anything to keep you safe and ensure that no one dare take you away from him. Yet, strangely he never once considered…

That he might mean just that much to you.

End Notes: Thank you so much for reading! I'd really love to start writing for Astarion more so if you have any ideas send them over <3

[finleycannotdraw]

can u recommend some bands? i think i like ur music taste and i am terrible at finding music

ty :)

of COURSE I can <3 you’ve probably heard of some of these, but maybe there’ll be some you haven’t! I don’t know what you already like, so… here we go :)

Hozier. Yeah this was always going to be first on the list I’m currently listening to basically nothing else! He’s an Irish folk/soul/blues/etc idk musician who uses a lot of religious and mythological themes in his lyrics and has a lot of songs that include social justice commentary.

The Amazing Devil is a folk rock band with an incredibly unique sound. Their songs are incredibly emotional and have an awesome fantasy vibe going on—plus there’s two singers, and they often sing independently from each other, which is something you don’t see often!

Good Morning Bedlam is a bluegrass band that I’ve gotten into recently! They’re sort of like… a mix of the amazing devil and the crane wives?

The Crane Wives, while we’re at it, and

The Oh Hellos. they’re fairly similar and I don’t have a ton to say about their stylistic differences, but they’re all definitely worth checking out!

Florence & The Machine. Most people have heard of them but I always like to recommend them anyway

Alec Benjamin, if you’re into softer indie music! He has a lot of different styles of lyrics, but his voice is consistent, so he’s great to listen to if you’re looking for that sort of variety.

Chxrlotte doesn’t have a lot of music out, but I’m a big fan of the music she has released, including the ones about Good Omens! The others are more angsty which I love too.

The Family Crest is an orchestral indie pop rock band, which blows my mind. I can’t believe orchestra isn’t a more utilized tool in popular lyrical music, because they do it so well.

Good Kid is actually my brother’s favorite band, and I love them too. They’re also indie rock, but they have a very distinctive style and are easy to get into! Plus they haven’t released a shit ton of songs like some other artists, so it isn’t overwhelming to explore their discography.

Jonatha Brooke is an artist I only know about because my mom liked her music a lot in the 90s, but she’s got a super nice voice and has some awesomely relatable lyrics. I especially recommend her album Ten Cent Wings!

Midlake is a super melodic folk rock band. I’m obsessed with their album The Courage of Others, which has a melancholy vibe that’s super easy to get lost in.

Palaye Royale is harder rock than anyone else on the list so far, but they’ve got an awesome style. Unique voice and definitely darker themes in their lyrics.

Tears for Fears is a pop rock band that I love because my dad does. (My parents are musicians—I trust their music taste).

Toad the Wet Sprocket got their name from Monty Python, but PLEASE go listen to the Architect of the Ruin EP. You will not regret it. Also the song Something’s Always Wrong is like… entrenched in my very being.

Elbow is a band that I never see in fandom circles, but they’re definitely not obscure. Check out their album Little Fictions! They’re kind of like Midlake.

Will Wood ranges from chaotic and fun (The Normal Album) to absolutely soul-crushing (in case I make it)! Sometimes even both at the same time!

(I would’ve also put Paramore, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, and other rock/pop punk bands I like on there, but I assumed you already know them.) (If you were looking for harder rock or metal, let me know, because this list is not that.)

If you want more genre-specific recs or even album/song recs, don’t hesitate to ask!! Music is the fuel of my soul.

[andorskenobi]

...What Are We? | J. Seresin

Pairing: Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x F!Reader

Summary: After four months of being in a whatever the hell it was between you and Jake you finally grow tired of the lack of commitment and give Jake one last chance before he loses you for good.

Warnings: angst, no use of y/n

A/N: I should be working on my research paper but this is more important to me rn. This is based around the song ...What Are We? by Lizzy McAlpine, if you haven't heard it I recommend listening to it (maybe even while reading this but I won't care if you do or not) I was listening to it driving home today and got the idea for this so, enjoy.

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You aren't sure when your feelings towards Jake changed, but you knew they had. In the beginning it was okay, the whole no labels thing. You were the one who asked for no labels to start with, but now four months down the line you knew that you were serious about this.

However, Jake didn't appear to be in the same mindset you were. To you it seemed like he was just fine with what you had. It drove you insane, but you would never force him into anything he didn't want. Which is why you would understand, given the circumstances, if he ever wanted to walk away from this.

What made this all even worse was the fact that, despite your better judgement, when you thought of the future and what it held for you Jake was always in it. Deep down you knew this wasn't the case for Jake, you knew that for him this was only a temporary thing and soon he'd get bored of you and be done. It's what everyone before him had done, so why would it be different now?

But for now you would just stuff these feelings deep inside you until they went away and pretend that everything is okay between you and Jake. For now you would suck it up, go to his house, and be just what he needs you to be for the night.

It had become an everyday ritual at this point, Jake would finish what he was doing for the day and call you to ask if you were free, which you always were for him, and the two of you would meet up for dinner and go back to one of your houses for the night.

"You seem distracted today, what's worrying that pretty head of yours?" Jake's voice pulls you from the precipice of your thoughts. You shake your head and smile a small smile.

"'s nothing, really, just tired. Work was rough today."

Jake wasn't completely satisfied with your answer and you knew that. It was blatant by the face he made as soon as the words left your lips.

"We will talk about it later, I don't want to talk about it here," He still didn't look pleased with your answer so you added a small please to the end, begging him to drop it.

"Wanna head back to your place or mine tonight?" You released a sigh of relief at the slight change in subject before answering his place.

You liked his place more, it made you feel closer to him, and plus it smelled like him. His smell was intoxicating, almost knocking you over anytime he hovered around you. It was the first thing you noticed when you met him that night at the Hard Deck four months ago.

Now it was all you could pay attention to as he helped you into his truck. You sat quietly hoping he wouldn't start up conversation about what was on your mind again and just let the two of you sit in a comfortable silence. However, your hope was useless because you knew Jake too well.

"We're alone now so start talking, what's wrong with you tonight?" You sighed, looking out the window to avoid looking at him.

"Do you think we're wasting time?" Your voice was small when you asked it, Jake took notice and glanced over to where you sat.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean do you think we are wasting time, with this. Is this wasting time? Are we just borrowing time we don't have? Shit Jake I don't know," You were getting overwhelmed by your emotions at this point but you kept going before Jake had a chance to respond. "I feel like we're just buying time before the storm hits and this inevitably falls apart and I end up alone again."

You wipe a stray tear from your cheek, turning to look at Jake.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like the way you're looking at me Jake, because if you look at me like that then I'm not going to be able to say what I need to say. Besides you should be looking at the road not me." Jake laughs a little before turning his attention back to the road.

"What is it you need to say?"

"Does this mean anything to you, us I mean, like is this actually something or is it just a sorry excuse for love?"

"That's a little harsh, I mean yeah it means something to me. Of course it does, why else would we be here if it didn't."

"I don't know, for fun?"

Jake stopped the truck in his driveway, putting it in park and turning to face you. You found yourself itching to be out of the truck as soon as possible under his gaze.

"Why do you think this doesn't mean anything to me? Do you think that little of me that I would just use you fun?" Jake's expression left you with a pang in your chest.

"I mean it's never stopped anyone."

Jake slowly placed his hand under your chin making you look over at him, "This is more than just something to pass the time until someone new comes around. You are more than that to me."

"You mean it, you aren't just saying that because you think it's what you have to say to shut me up?"

"I mean it." You knew he was telling the truth because of the way his eyes softened when he said it, so you allowed him to pull you in for a kiss. The kiss said everything that Jake couldn't say to you just yet, at least that's what you told yourself.

"I can feel you thinking, its hurting my head." Jake resting his forehead against yours looking into your eyes. "I want strings, I want all the strings if you'll give them to me, I just know that I can't keep going on with this the way it is if it's hurting you."

You smiled to yourself, moving your hand to your jacket pocket and pulling out a string that you'd pulled off your shirt earlier while waiting for your food, placing it in Jake's hand.

He laughed before placing the string in his own pocket, "C'mon lets go inside."

[chaosincurate]

A guide to The Cure, Pt. I: The Goth Phase

The Cure have always been stylistically gothic, and have always had elements of gothicism in their music, but for many (including myself before I started getting into them properly) they are musically defined in contrast to that aesthetic. The group of goths making upbeat pop music is the version of The Cure most people know. Sandwiched between the new-wave hit Boy's Don't Cry and their later cult-pop resurgence, though, is a full-on goth phase which made it all the way to the music itself. Throughout this phase, they built the groundwork for what would become their strange, elusive legacy, starting with

Seventeen Seconds

I feel comfortable suggesting that this is the beginning of The Cure's musical goth phase, but it is worth adding the caveat that there is still a healthy dose of new-wave pep left over from their first outings here. It makes for a very interesting listen and a fantastic introduction to this version of The Cure for the fans of the poppier stuff that want to give their darker stuff a try. It's a balance that I think is achieved with more perceivable intention on later releases, but whether it was a case of residual flavour being incidentally left in the wok, or whether this was seasoned purposely to include that taste, it makes for a good listen.

It's not an album I'd consider one of the best from The Cure, but it is just one step below that, I would say. A must-listen for a prospective Cure fan, but not a must-listen as a passerby. And it serves a very useful purpose in their discography as the transition album between two very disparate styles within alternative music, and it navigates that chasm with impressive grace.

Faith

The last of the remnants of joy have been erased here. This is a cold, gothic landscape. This album is the first time The Cure were truly, and entirely gothic. There's a melancholy to the sound here, as if the instruments were despondent and going through the motions. To be clear, that isn't at all a criticism. What it's lacking in thrills, it offers in emotional resonance for those wanting to wallow in their misery, as well as a platform for Robert Smith's expressive vocal performances and cryptic lyricism.

It's a great album, but the unfortunate fact for me is that it is still fairly difficult to recommend. It's a consistently good album, and the band seem comfortable in their new skin, but there isn't a clear highlight on this album. They're comfortable, but maybe not confident enough to really knock anyone's socks off yet. At least in my opinion. But that would soon change with their next album:

Pornography

When even remote tribes that got given access to the internet get hooked on your album, you know you've done something right. (Note to self: consider the passage of time when making jokes about trending topics)

In my opinion, this is the first truly great album The Cure have made. They took the clear, focused intent of the previous album and elevated it to the point that they made a masterpiece. The simple instrumentals of Faith, as good as they were on that album, give way to a more affecting, oppressive, borderline overwhelming soundscape that sticks with you like nothing they've made to this point, perhaps with the exception of an individual song here and there.

To put it simply, The Cure finally feel like they've found a unique identity. I referred to Faith as the point in which they feel comfortable in their skin, and to continue that metaphor, Pornography feels, ironically, like they've found the clothes they like. Feeling comfortable in your skin is important, but your skin doesn't say a whole lot about you as a person. Your style though? That can say a lot about who you are and who you want to be. It's a strong form of identity affirmation and communication, and that is the importance of this album. Anyone could have come along and made Faith, but only The Cure could have made Pornography

As far as recommendations go, I think this one is pretty straightforward: if you have any interest in The Cure's goth rock stuff, this is required listening. It's easily in the top 3 must-listen albums from them for me.

Next Week...

Next week will be the pop phase. That's to be released on 6th September 2024 at midnight BST. If you're far enough in the future, congrats! It's out already!

[that-ari-blogger]

A Weird Finale (For Good)

Catharsis is a weirdly complex emotion. Weird in the sense of how it operates. Catharsis isn’t an emotion, that’s kind of the whole point, but it acts like one. Catharsis makes you feel better, it makes you laugh or cry or maybe both, and there are very few literary tools as powerful as the ability to make your audience emote.

Catharsis is the releasing of strong emotions. If I tell a joke, the catharsis is the punch line. If I tell a sad story about a friend getting badly injured, the catharsis is the conclusion where I tell you that they are ok.

Case and point, For Good is the final song of Wicked. Kind of. It isn’t really, the story continues afterwards, and a song called Finale follows that. But For Good feels like the conclusion a story. It certainly reflects on the events of the musical as a whole, and makes a conclusion going forward.

It is also one of the two songs in all of musical theatre that I cannot make it through without crying, and this post is my defence of that inability.

Let me explain.

SPOILERS AHEAD: (Wicked, Hazbin Hotel, Andor)

“I'm limited Just look at me I'm limited And just look at you You can do all I couldn't do Glinda So now it's up to you For both of us Now it's up to you”

Elphaba has failed in her journey. She wanted total freedom, and she couldn’t achieve it. She wanted the ability to make a change in the world, but she was just one person. She failed.

The reuse of the Unlimited Lite Motif shows the other side of the coin that is Glinda and Elphaba’s relationship. It brought them both what they wanted. Together, they were unlimited, but alone… there’s this.

The limit actually corresponds to more than just physical freedom. They both wanted to be free, to be unshackled by their own capabilities. They wanted unlimited power, and Elphaba couldn’t achieve that, but she believes Glinda could. Although Glinda would disagree.

“I've heard it said That people come into our lives For a reason Bringing something we must learn And we are led to those Who help us most to grow if we let them And we help them in return Well, I don't know if I believe that's true But I know I'm who I am today Because I knew you”

I had a whole thing planned to write about fate here, but I don’t think it’s the point. Because if you focus too much on what might be, you miss what actually is.

Wicked is a story about dreams and reality colliding, and the answer to which will come out on top, is “neither”. Elphaba chased her dreams to the end and found them unobtainable. Glinda, meanwhile, saw her friend achieve great things in real time.

Don’t stop chasing a better tomorrow. That isn’t what I’m saying here. But don’t think that the change will be sudden and one day you will reach that eutopia. Change is slow, and it happens as you go. Elphaba, for example, has been saving people, and inspiring people. Oz hasn’t been saved, but she’s made progress.

The first chorus, as is usual for a song in this musical, is understated, and building to something bigger. It's laying the groundwork for later events.

The fact that Glinda’s phrases are offset is a continuation of something that began in I’m Not That Girl (Reprise), her casualness.

When Galinda was introduced, she spoke with a practiced poise, that was evenly metred so that it was impossible to notice when a song started for her. She had, in a very real sense, always been singing and never actually spoken.

This is the opposite of that, Glinda’s words feel more real, because the timing creates a casual vibe that I take to be more genuine.

Wicked has been playing around with time signatures since the beginning, usually to represent indecision or an inconsistency reminiscent of how fae realms are represented in mythology and literature. It feels whimsical.

Here the awkward bar is used to emphasise Glinda’s words. “I have been changed.”

I have found myself recommending covers of these songs, so to continue that streak, Voiceplay's Wicked medley is phenomenal, and the For Good section is especially memorable.

Glinda doesn’t know or even care about fate or what was meant to be. She is astonishingly real and pragmatic, and she can see Elphaba’s success in a way that her friend can’t.

Elphaba has become the Wizard, in a sense. She has inspired people to take their lives into their own hands. She has promised people a better world, but instead of the Wizard’s false hope, Elphaba delivered, and showed people that if they try, they can improve the lives of generations to come.

Glinda can see that Elphaba changed at least one person and made them want better, and she can carry on that legacy.

In other words:

“You've already done so much So many lives you've changed So many souls you've touched And in the end, if it's only me you've saved There's something that I've been dying to say”

Hazbin Hotel is satirical musical that deals with seeking freedom. It’s most definitely not Wicked, it’s theming is different and when I do a series on it, I will talk about that at length. But it does have a song that links to For Good.

There’s a difference between having done enough, and being done. If you only save one person, you are a hero. If you make life better for one person, and inspire them to pay that favour forwards, you have made your mark. You have your legacy.

But Elphaba has done far more than just save one person. Again, if she has inspired Glinda, she must have inspired someone else as well. And when Glinda drives away the Wizard, and presumably does more to help the citizens of Oz who are oppressed, that’s because of Elphaba.

This song in Hazbin Hotel is also a love song. I wonder if that is relevant.

“I burn my decency for someone else’s future. I burn my life to make a sunrise that I’ll never see.”

Andor is a surprisingly well-made series. As in, the Star-Wars fandom has been starved for a while for stories that say anything. So, when Andor began exploring some complex philosophy, people missed that the show was also just genuinely good craft.

But it is the messaging that I want to talk about here, briefly. Andor discusses the cost of rebellion, and in one of the several incredible monologues of the series, Luthen Rael explains that, among other things, he is making a better world for future generations. One that he will probably never receive. Like Moses delivering people to a promised land that he, himself, would never reach.

Legacy is important to both Luthen and Elphaba. Their futures are marked by conflict, but they exist so that later generations will live without that.

I would also recommend this cover by Jacob Daniel Cummings and Peter Gibbons. They are both talented vocalists, but the simplicity of the music video and set design are really cool, and the fading from monochrome to colour is a nice touch.

This song precedes Elphaba’s “death”, and it centres around Glinda telling her and the audience that it was all worth it. That’s the catharsis, whatever happens next, Elphaba has succeeded.

“You'll be with me Like a handprint on my heart And now whatever way our stories end I know you have rewritten mine By being my friend”

The romance of this musical has been implied. Evidence through subtext, rather than what is actually being shown. It got pretty strong, but an entirely aromantic reading of their relationship was possible, if you squinted.

However, I would argue that this isn’t subtext. I would suggest that “you’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart” is innately romantic in nature.

“Like a comet pulled from orbit As it passes the sun Like a stream that meets a boulder Halfway through the wood”

At this point, the song spits out a ton of metaphors, and I’m not going to go over each one. So as a whole, these stand in for that catharsis. This is Elphaba and Glinda finally letting out their emotions and stopping limiting themselves.

Defying Gravity reflected the first half of Wicked by displaying Elphaba’s freedom from external forces. But the second half featured the battle with herself and her own abilities and emotions. So, letting go of all of that and saying “I love you” in every way imaginable except the obvious certainly counts as releasing emotions.

This is the other part of the catharsis that I talked about. Half of the drama of this musical has been the development of the relationship; however you see that, between Glinda and Elphaba. That relationship fell apart, hence the tragic nature of this musical, but it did so quickly and without much closure.

So now, the two can look back on it and say, with definite confidence, that it was, in fact, a relationship.

Again, I will claim that this is romantic because friendship isn’t that powerful, usually. Friendship can change people, but romance can change a person’s story, and their life. A friendship doesn’t leave “a handprint on my heart”, for example.

I am actually having trouble articulating why this is romantic. It just is, look at it. You have to prove that it isn’t at this point.

The acting here sells the romance as well. The blinking back of tears, the faltering in each word. Emotions are running high through this song.

That is why I love this song. That is why this is my favourite song in all of musical theatre. That is why this song makes me cry.

This song is the resolution of a complex, and heavy story. It looks at the future to talk about legacy, but it also looks at the past to say “see what Elphaba has achieved”.

The song itself isn’t even the thing that makes me cry here. The emotional element of this is the story that got you here. Wicked is emotional, but it makes you hold all of that in, until For Good releases that.

Essentially, I like For Good because I like Wicked, and when I listen to the song, I listen to an entire story.

Final Thoughts

This was really difficult to analyse because the song isn’t complicated on its own right. Like I said, it’s the fact that it is the conclusion to Wicked that gives it the emotional gravitas.

But I do want to clarify something. This post should have gone out on Wednesday, but it will probably go live on Sunday instead, and there is a reason for this.

Partly, I am disorganised as hell. But partly, I have been struggling to explain why this song is queer or even romantic in nature. It is, and I will defend my opinion on that, but my excuse for it being that is… look at it, it’s so obviously romantic.

I think my answer is linked to my conclusion about this song as a whole. This is a romantic song because the entire musical has been about the romance between Elphaba and Glinda, so it carries over that weight. This song is queer because that relationship was queer. All this song does is amplify what you take into it, and that’s a weirdly empty description for something so powerful.

But I guess, in a way, that’s how stories operate as a whole. You only get out of them what you are willing to put in. If you engage with a character, and you pour your heart into that character, you will probably be rewarded tenfold. But that takes a mixture of good craft, the right story (because no story is for everyone), and a great deal of vulnerability on the part of you. Emotions can hurt, and to engage with a story, you have to be willing to let yourself feel that. But the risk is well worth the reward, at least with Wicked.

This mostly wraps up my coverage of Wicked. I will be compiling a complete summary of my ideas for the musical at some point. But before that, I will be starting my coverage of another musical, one with slightly different themes.

So stick around if that interests you.

Previous - Next

[cannibalovers]

Hannibal song of the day : song no. 5

a bit about the song:

"Breezeblocks"(released in 2012) is song by alt-J, written by Thom Sonny Green, Gwilym Sainsbury, Gus Unger-Hamilton & Joe Newman(the whole group), most likely their most popular song. It starts off mellow and quiet guitar, interchanging between build ups and drops with synthesisers and a lot of deep bass, drums and other percussion instruments till the end of the song, which ends with an arrangement of overlapping vocals, like a choir. It fits genres like indie rock, indie pop, art rock and folktronica. The song itself tells a story of two lovers, where one of them wants to leave the relationship, feeling unsafe and unfulfilled but the other is obsessive and deranged and so in love that they don't let the other leave, the desire and love being so strong that they dare to hurt their lover and themselves just to make them stay. There can be another meaning to the song when taking the music video into the account(that the group themselves said is kind of different but managed to fit the vibe), which is filmed in reverse, presenting a narrative where a man kills a woman(maybe an ex or smth) who was most likely keeping his wife hostage. Since the chain of events is presented in reverse, it looks as if the man is the abusive lover trying to kill his wife, although by the end we find out he was actually defending his wife and killed the woman that kidnapped his wife, sending a message to not judge a book by its cover - don't assume and judge until you know the full story. It also references a book "Where the Wild Things Are" by Maurice Sendak, talking about a young boy who misbehaved badly at home and got scolded for it. His hostile and intense emotions sent him to an imaginary jungle with creatures called "The Wild Things". In this world, he feels appreciated and powerful as the wild things make him a king, but as soon as he realises the responsibilities a king has are hard, he wants to leave and go back home, to his loving mother who took care of him and coudl depend on, but the creatures don't want him to leave, threatening cannibalism (woah i wonder why I am writing this), saying "Oh, please don’t go! We’ll eat you whole! We love you so!". The band thought of it as a very powerful image and referenced these words in the song. In the end, the boy does manage to get away, unlike the lover of this song.

yeah sorry for the long intro to the song um. i've loved this song for years I swear I could listen to it forever so.

overall the song creates such a chilling mix between aggression and affection it's just so fucking insane and well. very hannigram. I think that was expected. Tbh i feel like it's prob known to fannibals, i made a post once asking ppl for song recommendations for hannibal and this song has shown up a few times and honestly? it fits them SO. WELL. especially when you think about the whole mizumono episode. The music video reminded me of mizumono a lot... so I'll be basing this on that episode a lot...

Pardon me for the pain i'm gonna provide today<3

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Verse 1

"She may contain the urge to run away But hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks"

The girl doesn't want to be in the relationship with the man anymore, maybe recognizing that he is not in a good state of mind or she just believes they're not fit for each other anymore, whichever it is, she is contemplating getting out of the relationship, which she feels trapped in, or the man feels like he's scaring her away, hence her "running away"; He doesn't like this, being way too attached for her, he can't just let her run away after the comfort she brought him and the strong emotions he developed towards her, so he decided to weigh her down (literally) by drowning her with breezeblocks. Metaphorically, Breezeblocks are blocks used for building houses and are supposed to represent foundation here, so perhaps he has been making her stay by guilt tripping her about everything that they have built together and the fact that she can't just "leave behind" the trust, support, stability and safety that they have gained from each other - the foundation of their relationship. After she wasn't giving her idea of leaving up, he decided to actually weight her down with their foundation in forms of breezeblocks. In my eyes, the soggy clothes could also have a little bit of meaning, soggy clothes being quite uncomfortable and probably clinging to her(just like he does) - perhaps they're soggy from the times he was guilt tripping her, perhaps tears were shed and her clothes getting soggy just represent the manipulation and fakeness of them, or the severity of the situation and how long it has been going on and how this has affected her (made her feel heavy at heart and uncomfortable)

I think these lyrics summarise THE monologue in Mizumono and hannigram's plans quite perfectly. Will wanting to run away (from hannibal unfortunately...) and as Hannibal realised his plan of betrayal, reacted very aggressively by literally gutting him (sogging his clothes with blood ig) and breaking down the foundation they have built, more or so with words, but also the knife he uses. At this point I have no idea if its a linoleum knife (knife used for building, houses, rugs and FOUNDATIONS OF A BUILDING.) or a kerambit or smth else but I'll stick to the linoleum here(also check out this post about his choice for the knife, it drives me fucking insane) and say that this is how Hannibal tears down the foundation they have built together. Not only does he gut him, he talks to Will about how betrayed he feels that he was planning to leave him, after letting Will see him, after building this foundation of trust and support for each other. Hannibal was there, understanding Will and offering support and stability and he saw that Will could provide it for him back, which he chose to do only to get closer to him to betray him and take away his happiness (Will...) and stable, carefully crafted life he had. Will was something very important to Hannibal, a person that changed him and made him feel love for once, and then he lied about accepting him. He can't handle losing Will so he would make him stay and tear him down, hurt him, if that's what it would take.

"Cetirizine, your fever’s gripped me again Never kisses, all you ever send are fullstops (La la la la)"

Citrizine is a medicine used for fevers, suggesting the man is so obsessed with her that she makes him ill and stressed (overheated and overwhelmed and overthinking, hence the fever) and he needs medicine. She is constantly rejecting him, rejecting his affections and never giving any to him but instead stopping him, although it can also allude to texts, her not ending them with "xx" (kisses) but with full stops, being quite cold and distant with him.

well first, for the show it can allude to how Hannibal literally gave Will a fever and the amount of aspirin Will took cuz of that if we take this literally, but that mean the roles would have to switch so, instead in my eyes I think of how bothered and overwhelmed Will probably made Hannibal feel the more interested and obsessive he got over Will. I can't imagine how many times this man probably thought of him everyday and overthought stuff (jesus seriously hes obsessed) and how ill and diseased (although alive) Hannibal probably felt (maybe diseased and ill after he knew Will's plan...); the affections the girl is rejecting from her lover could represent how distant Will was with Hannibal at first.

"Do you know where the wild things go? They go along to take your honey (La la la la)"

This is a reference from the book "Where the Wild Things Are". The band suggested that the lyrics are about jealousy, the protagonist being jealous of other people who are catching his lovers attention instead of him, maybe this is a conversation between them about this concern, telling his lover that those people are bad and will use her and leave her(take away her honey); Maybe he's trying to convince her that he would never do that - although he technically is, eating away at whatever support and love(the honey) she has to offer for him.

I feel like this presents why Hannibal decided to isolate Will in the first place, taking away everything from him (or at least how he wants Will to see it, as we know that he was just trying to make his plan come true and return some of the things Will cared about so much). He saw everything that Will had interest in (Alana, Abigail, although he kept her for Will, Margot's child etc) as a threat to his plan of having Will all to himself and so he took them away - because he believed that they were both bad for Will but also because they were not in Hannibal's best interest. Also doesn't he like kill Will's wife in season 3 idk yet dont tell me

"Break down, now weep, build up breakfast Now let’s eat, my love, my love, love, love (La la la la)"

This probably references the many fights the couple had and protagonist's method of trying to make it up to her by trying to get back into a loving, normal routine, forgetting the fights, doing things such as letting her sleep it off and making a breakfast, starting the day over - The breakfast being his love for her. This is most likely to say that acts of service for her would be his love language and he would feel loved if she accepted his services, as well as offerings(his love) he makes for her.

for Hannibal:

do i like. have to explain this one

first of all lets be real cooking and making ppl commit accidental cannibalism is his love language (even better when they are aware of it and accept it knowingly so u dont have to make them commit accidental cannibalism to feel like u're normal for enjoying it and ure not a monster and God didn't punish u by making u eat ur own sister and enjoy it and that they accept and understand u for this and are def not doing it as a manipulation tactic to get u closer to them... that's not smth Will would do to Hannibal wdym)

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Chorus

"Muscle to muscle and toe to toe The fear has gripped me, but here I go My heart sinks as I jump up Your hand grips hand as my eyes shut And I, ah-ah-ah-ah"

The chorus seems to depict the the physical fight going between the two lovers. The protagonist doesn't seem to be in his right mind as he says that even though the fear tried to stop him, he has lost control and is now hurting his loved one (or himself) - His fear of rejection making him not handle this situation well and taking the last leap of faith to "save" the relationship by physically forcing her into it. The harm can either be to himself or her, maybe threatenening suicide and her gripping his hand to stop him, or him hitting her and her trying to deflect his hand with her own.

For Hannibal, it's literally,,gutting Will. Or any physical fight or holding each other at gun point or any murder attempt they had. In mizumono, Hannibal is visibly heartbroken by Will's decisions, maybe regretting the choices hes about to take. Maybe for once he felt some fear hurting another person, the person being Will, but he pushes through it, knowing it had to be done, to show Will how he made him feel. The physical contact in this chorus could represent the hug that they shared (the most heartbreaking hug in tv history). His feelings seem to contrast with the violence in that scene so much it makes me so fucking depressed

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Verse 2

"[...}She bruises, coughs, she splutters pistol shots Hold her down with soggy clothes and breezeblocks"

The words have a violent imagery to them, maybe to show the lover fighting back and still not agreeing to stay, maybe even trying to hurt him, her words feeling like pistol shots to him, or it could represent her drowning, trying to catch a breath. If that's what is happening, then he tries to remind himself of his point and to not help her, because she will run away - it's better to hold her down and make her stay.

Will's most common weapons is a gun or his hands and words, so i guess it fits his image quite well(not to mention the amounts of time he held Hannibal at gun point lol). These clearly never seemed to have affected Hannibal (until the last supper) and he continues through with his plan of taking everything away from Will, showing what he has lost by not staying by Hannibal's side.

"She’s morphine, queen of my vaccine My love, my love, love, love (La la la la)"

The protagonist compares her to morphine, a drug used to help with pain - clearly he is very dependent on her and uses her for emotional stability and support, losing that would make him insecure and breakdown, he can't lose her after the vulnerability he shared with her. This also fits with the expression "Love is a drug", which to him, her love is clearly like a drug, he has become obsessed, needing her love all the time, addicted to her, suggesting the intensity of emotions she makes him feel and just how obsessed he is - that's why he can't let her go.

The contrast between the dark, violent and destructive comparisons he makes of her, ignoring those destructive feelings and calling her his "love" really deepens the juxtaposition between aggression and affection the song potrays and shows just how blind the protagonist is.

I feel like this fits Hannibal's feelings about Will quite well, considering how obsessed he is with him, to the point of destruction and isolating him to have him all to himself (and also the fact that my man was CRYING after putting Will in prison, missing their therapy sessions. LIKE BITCH). He really puts Will high up on a pedestal, suggesting just how important and addictive Will is to him and how dependent he has become on Will after opening up to him, maybe even feeling like Will numbs his pain and loneliness of never being accepted for who he actually was.

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Verse 3

"[...]Germolene, disinfect the scene, my love, my love, love, love But please don't go, I love you so, my lovely"

This is the aftermath of the protagonist killing his lover. He realises that he killed her, getting an anticeptic(clearly unprepared for this and panicking, using some at-home antiseptic instead of something proper) to disinfect the scene off of his DNA. The realisation quickly hits him of what he has done, making him spiral into a breakdown as he realises that his actions didn't make her stay, they made her dead forever.

Hannibal clearly doesn't disinfect the scene in mizumono, he doesn't even wear his plastic suit or use the cloth that he always uses to not leave finger prints, there was no point in hiding anything anymore, Will helped FBI see through him, although we do see him "cleansing" himself off of the events by walking in the rain and trying to "comfort" Will, telling him to "wade into the quiet of the stream". I don't think these specific lyric apply to the situation much disinfection-wise, although it can represent Hannibal's state of mind, especially after realising everything he has done and the regret that came with it(does he feel guilty tho? i have no idea but the begging and love confessions in this line def represent his obsession and love for Will which left him very heartbroken after everything that was done)

also could represent Will........ him wanting to turn back, if he could only reverse time, undo the events so Abigail lives and everyone else lives..............ouch

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Refrain

"Please don't go, please don't go I love you so, I love you so Please don't go, please don't go I love you so, I love you so Please break my heart (Hey!) Please don't go, please don't go I love you so, I love you so Please don't go, please don't go I love you so, I love you so Please break my heart[...]"

the most beautiful part of the song in my opinion tbh. The layers, the build up, the overlapping vocals, it's all just so overwhelming and emotional and vulnerable.

the protagonist spirals, realising what he has done but not wanting it to be true, he's not ready yet to let go of his lover, slowly, he's losing self control and giving into his violent desires, he threatens cannibalism if she goes away(she can't really do anything my dude...) as he frantically confessse to her that he loves her. He just loves her so much and needs her so much, the desire is so strong that he will consume her if it means that she stays right beside him(or inside him), craving that impossible closeness, it's a way to forever remain with a loved one. This whole refrain is just so incredibly contradicting and depressing and desparate its insane

now, it's no secret that Hannibal doesn't want to let Will go and even consume him. He wants him to live but at the same time he wants to taste him, devour him. To love is to consume, but to consume is to devour and transform in reusable energy. He wants him as close as possible and for Will to accept his desires and give himself up, let him be his - but clearly that's not what Will wanted (yet).

...This one is so straightfoward especially considering Hannibal that I don't even know what to say really. The song itself just says it all perfectly.

in conclusion they are fucking insane for this and breezeblocks is the ultimate hannigram (specifically mizumono) song. 11/10

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additional notes:

was so excited for this one but i actually wrote less than i thought wow but maybe thats also cuz most of the song repeats. or im tired

idk if its cuz i literally dont know how to explain cannibalism as a metaphor of love or why but. at the same time the song just describes pretty well on its own

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my playlist

hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading<3

[alogeminiss]

Hi everyone :)

In this first post u want to tell you my opinion of all the albums by twenty one pilots. They have seven albums in this moment, a couple weeks ago they released their new album.

First, we have the called "self titled" this is my favorite album from this band and I really like all the songs, the songs are very sad and nostalgic and make me feel and anxious. The lyrics are the best and tells so many good stories. Also, the cover is gorgeous and magnificent. I really can't choose my favourite song.

10/10

The second one is "regional at best". This is not the big thing because many of these songs are in the next album but with a better sound and littles changes. But songs like "glowing eyes" and "forest" are so great and are just in this album. I wish the album was in the platform, but is not.

7/10

Next one "vessel" this album has many song of the last one, but better. The songs are really nice and sad (obviously) It has different sounds, maybe more happy (to me) but the lyrics are very sad too. I love all the songs but "ode to sleep" and "migraine" are gods. I think this album have one of the best experimental sound and lyrics so deep. I really recommend it.

10/10

"blurryface" is the most popular for their songs like "ride" and "stressed out" (good song but honestly I had enough). I think it's a good album but not the best one. Have more sound like rap and trap and it's good but the songs aren't my favourites. In this album began the lore of their own story.

8/10

Another one, follow the story deeply with lyrics and the videos. Has incredible sounds and a baddie energy like "you are not like the other people" or "you don't understand" lol. I really enjoyed when I listened for the first time and I appreciate it so much. But some songs are just a NO (like "bandito" I can't listen it) otherwise I love "cut my lip" best song.

9/10

"the unique and different" : "scaled and icy" at first time I was so confused about the fact that the music sound so different and the lyrics are so happy. I mean, in all the albums are really deep and dark but in this one...

But then I understood was made on purpose because also follow the lore of them. I like all the song but "redecorate" is a feeling.

9/10

And the last one, they just released a couple weeks ago and I still in shook. I REALLY LOVE ALL THE ALBUM. The lyrics, the sounds, the emotions...

I am impressed with the album, and the most important: I WILL GO TO THE CONCERT. I'm so excited to see them and listen the new songs in live.

I don't have my favourite one yet.

10/10

[gamerbearmira]

Rock band au - Backstory…kinda? 

Alma had already built her own following on her own youtube channel when the kids were like…teens? Many albums and such in her day. She toned it down a notch when she was 54, that’s when Dolores and Isa were born. (Her channel name was “Young Crimson” and changed to “Abuela Crimson”. She still drops some music from time to time.) She has done a world tour and released many albums and singles. 

Pepa had started her own music in her 20’s to mid 30’s. (And she happened to meet Felix at one of her small concerts). Her youtube channel name was “Thunderstorm” of course. She had done some world tours and whatnot as well. 

Isabela was ten when she took an interest in rock and frequently went to Pepa or Alma for music recommendations. Same for Mirabel as well, but she was nine when she started her love for rock/alternative music. Camilo was only eight when he started out. 

Over time their styles gradually changed the more they got into alternative fashion and such. Alma and Pepa mainly helped of course.

Isabela got her guitar at fourteen, Camilo got his drum set at eight (a year after her) and Mirabel got her guitar at nine (a year after them). 

I also wanna add the Pepa sometimes featured in Alma’s songs when she was in her teens + young adult years. So when she branched off to do her own stuff she already had a big following. Mirabel, Isabela, and Camilo kind of did the same when it came to her. They asked if they could be background vocals and she couldn’t say no, she folded like a wet paper towel. 

Three years passed and the three grandkids kind of worked up a good foundation in knowing how to use their instruments. Mirabel had an idea and decided to go to Alma about it first. Alma looked it over and she truly liked the idea and…made it into a full song with her daughter and three grandkids help. (Isa was nineteen and Camilo and Mirabel were twelve at the time the song was made.) 

The song was released on Pepa and Alma’s youtube channels. Since Mirabel made the song she was the lead singer. Everybody loved her voice seeing as it was a twelve year old singing at such a deep base and loud base.  

An Idea came to Mirabel’s mind…why not just be a full band? They already had the foundation for it and a huge following. It wouldn’t- well…starting a band was not easy but they already have a few things going for them. 

She asked her tia and abuela if they could be a full band and of course, both women were on board. Isabela and Camilo were absolutely ecstatic when they were told the idea. 

“Waiting on a Miracle” was released on April twelfth, four months later, “Illusions of identity” (written by Camilo) was released on August fourteenth. Four months later, “Flora and Rage” (written by Isabela) was released on December sixteenth. Each song had Pepa and/or Alma featured in them. 

Five songs by the second year; “Surface Pressure” (By Isa), “Thin ice” (by Pepa), “Hard Work that no one sees” (By Alma), “Shaken emotions” (By Mirabel), and “Constant heartache” (By Camilo). The youngest three had their first tour that year as well!

By the third year five more songs were made. Which made the band have a total of eighteen songs out! And they will be going on tour this year as well. All of which had music videos. 

-

I was thinking of Alma joining but…decided against it for some reason??? Anyway, her stage name is Abuela Crimson! The kids & young adults absolutely love her and see her as the coolest grandma in the world. 

I’m not sure what to do for a group name tho…maybe “The unwanted”? I’m not sure, I’m just going for somethin’ edgy with 2000’s flair. 

Also, I like the suggestions! More than what I thought of honestly. 

Other stuff-

Mira and Isa’s Parents (and sister) couldn’t be more proud to see them on stage with their Tia, Primo, and sometimes Abuela. Agustin and Luisa manage to cry every single time.  

Felix and Dolores love seeing them up there, even if Lolo has to wear headphones that muffle the sound a bit, she can still hear and loves every second of it. Felix a head bopper all the way through…to the point of getting whiplash.

The band mostly tours a few months before summer comes around. That way, when summer break comes, they can just have fun as a family. 

UNDERSTANDABLE‼️‼️ also. I was thinking, the time?? Is weird. So for Alma to have had a YouTube channel in her late 30’s/early 40’s, we’ll say when YouTube released, that means that this takes place farther into the future than now. Cause if she took a break at 54, Isabela and Dolores would’ve been born in like 2018 😭😭 BUT. A way around this is

A: Change the ages or Time screwing

B: Change the release of YT for this AU

C: Alma was popular before YT, but grew even bigger when YouTube came around. This could also let the AU take place in the mid 2000 and the 2020s.

Idk, just wanna understand the time <333

ANYWAYYYYY EVERYTHING ELSE IS SO COOL 💪💪 I like how they were pretty young when they got into the rock/alt music scene, that’s so rad <333 you know how loud they must’ve been when they got their instruments. All of them at different skill level for a minute and playing different songs. Like wow 😭

Also Mirabel proposing the band and being the first of the grand kids to release a song. THAT’S WOAM 🗣️🗣️ not surprising that they joined together and then got more popular. Song names are so cool, so creative 🦈🦈 ALSO ABUELA CRIMSON RAHHHHHHHHH 🦅🦅🦅

Glad you like the suggestions <333 another one. You know how for bands, especially rock and metal, people wear face paint to concerts based on the band theme or their favorite member? Like KISS and ICP?? Yeah they have that too <333 Antonio sometimes wears it, but it varies 🗣️🗣️

LOVE THE BAND NAME‼️‼️

Felíx is literally like. The most insane person at a concert. From row. Screaming Pepa’s name and stage name.

[onceuponastory]

letting you down - rockstar!bucky x reader

Don't you get sick of only hearing your own voice? Talk like you're so damn tough, but you're just a little boy You like to think you've broke the mould, but now I'm sure, You'll crack just like the rest when I break your fucking jaw! - the best thing (that never happened) by we are the in crowd

Edit: Although the girl I used in the original moodboard was meant to be Natasha, I want my fics to be inclusive for all, so have updated the moodboard to reflect this. Plot: Tour romances mean nothing serious...right?

Or, fresh out of a breakup and deciding to focus on her music, Y/N jumps at the chance to go on tour with one of her favourite bands to take her mind off of things. Especially romance. Unfortunately for her, their drummer just can't keep his eyes off of her. Pairing: Rockstar!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader Warnings: Emotional abuse and manipulation (not from Bucky), reader’s ex being a dick, self doubt, a tiny mention of violence and anxiety. As always, if I miss any triggers, please let me know. Notes: Another rockstar Bucky fic, because I do love him so. Also, this was inspired by song above, so I recommend you listen to it (also because it’s a great song). Again, thanks to @staticscreenwriting / @astartothemoon for my dividers. Not beta’d, so any mistakes are my own.

Taking a seat on the cold wooden chair in her agent’s office, Y/N anxiously nibbles on the skin of her lip, almost tearing it off with how nervous she is. Only an hour ago, she was told to come to the office urgently because her agent had news for her, too important to share over the phone. The whole time, she’s been wracking her brain to figure out what she could want to tell her. And each time, her mind has come up with the worst potential outcomes. And after just being dumped, that’s the last thing she needs right now. “So, we have some news.” Helen, her agent, announces, peering at her over the frame of her glasses. Y/N gulps. It’s the sort of look a mother gives her child when they’re caught sneaking cookies out of the jar, or when she knows that they’re the one who broke her vase. Either way, it’s not a good sign. She’s definitely about to be dropped. Maybe Dylan's right. Maybe she’s not cut out for this. Her stomach churns, and she warily eyes the exit, just in case.

“Good news, I hope…?” She chuckles awkwardly, starting to hope the ground will swallow her whole.

“It depends on whether you have any plans in September.” Frowning, Y/N raises a brow. However, before she can even ask why, Helen continues. “Because The End of The Line wants you to open for them on their US Tour that month.” She states casually. Y/N’s mouth drops open.

“WHAT?!” she squeals. “Are you serious?!” The End of The Line is a band she knows very well. Okay, she knows their music. Yet, considering how they’ve got multiple number ones and album nominations under their belts, practically everyone knows who they are. They’re one of the most successful bands going in the scene right now. But she had no idea they knew who she was. What feels like only a few months ago, Y/N was posting her own original songs on her YouTube and performing in her local bar…and now, she’s going on tour with one of her favourite bands. Not even that. Imagine the exposure this could bring. All the new fans and support. She doesn’t even realise how much her heart is beating or how close she is to hyperventilating until Helen passes over a glass of water.

“Don’t be so modest.” She tuts. “The first single you released has been in the Top 10 for weeks, and your album is selling incredibly well. You’re in high demand, and people know it.” Y/N gulps down the water almost in one go, still shaking. “Are you okay? I don’t want you passing out on my floor.”

“No, no. I’m okay! I’m good.” Y/N lies. Helen raises a brow.

“Okay, well I need to confirm your attendance with their team so they can schedule a meeting with them and the band to go over venues. And then there’s merchandising, transport arrangements….” Helen’s voice fades into static as Y/N grapples with the situation. She’s going on tour with one of her favourite bands. They know who she is, and they like her. She pinches her skin a few times, wondering if she’s still dreaming. That she’ll open her eyes and she’ll be a nobody again, her perfect Cinderella story over. 

However, the repeated pinching doesn’t work, meaning that this is real. That revelation somehow both makes her relieved and absolutely terrified. Sure, she’s going on her first tour…but that means there’s more people to disappoint. The band, for a start. But then again, going on tour means meeting one of her favourite bands ever. Not to mention that by getting herself out there, more and more people can discover her music, and she can hopefully do what she loves for a living, rather than waiting tables for the rest of her life. Which means potentially more tours and new albums. And she won’t have to spend as much time in her practically empty apartment now that Dylan’s left. “So? What should I say?” Helen asks, peering over the rim of her glasses again.

Taking a breath, Y/N answers: “Tell them I’d love to tour with them.”

A few weeks later, Y/N and Helen enter the building where she’s about to meet The End of the Line and their agent. Glancing around the vast building, Y/N’s heart rate picks up. A year ago, she could only dream of going to a place like this for a visit, let alone to meet one of the biggest bands in the scene to plan a tour with them. As they enter the elevator, Y/N fiddles with the waistband of her trousers, suddenly feeling more and more constricted. 

“Maybe this was the wrong outfit choice. Maybe I should’ve been more casual?” She wonders. “Actually, maybe I should just go. I definitely do not fit in here. Sure, I’ll be getting out of the house, but is it really worth all this?” Y/N bounces anxiously on her heels, waiting for the elevator to reach the floor they need so she can make a break for it. 

“Y/N, please calm down before you stress me out. That’s the last thing either of us needs.” Helen sighs.

“Sorry. I’m just nervous.” Yet she can tell Helen’s words are not malicious. Helen really does care for her. She just has a funny way of showing it sometimes.

“I know. Trust me, though, they don’t bite. And I made Tony promise that he’d play nice, too.” She chuckles. Y/N doesn’t laugh. The elevator dings, and Helen announces that they’ve made it. Y/N’s heart drops. Although she considered running, she now can’t move. “Come on.” Helen orders, beckoning her to follow. Y/N does as she asks, as if on autopilot.

“That woman must have magic powers.” She thinks to herself.

When they reach the meeting room, to Y/N’s surprise, Helen simply walks in without knocking, giving her no time to prepare. 

“Well, look who finally arrived! It’s wonderful to see you again, Helen.” A man grins, shaking Helen’s hand. He’s dressed in a crisp black suit, one that Y/N recognises absolutely costs more than her rent for a year. Presumably that’s Tony. Y/N steps forward, ready to introduce herself. Until-

“Hey! You must be Y/N!” Before she can even react, Natasha Romanoff is standing in front of her. Y/N gulps. 

“Yeah, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you!” She holds out a hand for her to shake, but Natasha pulls her into a hug instead. 

“There’s one thing you gotta know about Nat. She’s a hugger.” She recognises Steve’s voice, but suddenly realising Natasha Romanoff is a real person to then being hugged by her in such a short space of time is a lot for Y/N to cope with.

“You’re gorgeous! I can’t wait to go on tour with you!” Nat squeals, and Y/N mutters something in reply, still in shock. 

“Nat, let the poor girl breathe and let the rest of us say hi!” a voice speaks, and Y/N is soon released from Nat’s grasp. Then, she meets the rest of the band, starting with Steve and Sam. “And over there is…” 

But the man on the couch needs no introduction. Bucky Barnes leans against the back of the couch, twirling a drumstick between his tattooed fingers. In fact, tattoos cover both of his arms and most of his hands, little of his actual skin showing. He cocks his head, looking over her body with a smile. This man just oozes confidence…and he’s fucking gorgeous.

“Bucky.” She whispers, although not quietly enough, as Bucky laughs.

“Yup, that’s me.” Y/N blushes. Bucky gets up and shakes her hand. Her fingers brush over the calluses dotted around his fingers, and a shiver reverberates through her body. “Nice to meet you.” He smiles, and Y/N gulps. Fuck, this man is attractive, and he knows it. And he probably knows that she knows it too, given how he’s looking at her. Nothing can come of this, though. She’s here to do a job and for her music, not to fall in love. Especially after everything that’s happened in her love life, and especially not with a band guy like Bucky Barnes. 

“Come on, let’s start planning.” Tony orders. As the group takes their seats, Bucky sits right across from her, still smiling. Still staring at her. Y/N’s breath hitches in her throat.

She can already tell…he’s got trouble written all over him.

The next few months of interviews, photoshoots and practice sessions whizz by in a blur. In seemingly no time at all, it’s time for Y/N to go on tour. She looks up at the tour buses, her stomach churning with both excitement and her nerves. 

Is it too early to go home?

“Hey! You made it!” a voice calls. And there go her escape plans.

“Hey Eddie. Do you know where I’m supposed to be staying? Am I with you guys on your bus?" she asks. Eddie is one of the band’s merch guys, and since meeting, the pair gelled right away, something which Y/N is immensely grateful for. Of course, she’s glad she and the band are getting on so well, but it’s nice to have a friend who isn’t in a band, someone she can just talk to about anything. In all honesty, Y/N’s still nervous around the band. They’re lovely, but she’s star-struck and hopelessly awkward whenever she’s with them, which isn’t a good thing when you’re trying to make friends. 

To her confusion, though, Eddie chuckles. “Sorry Y/N, but you’re not with us.” He gestures his head to the other bus. “The musicians are all in there.” Y/N gulps. This isn’t what she expected. She feels like a fish out of water, even now. Like she doesn’t belong. She’s just an opener, a nobody.

“But-” 

“Yes, that means you too.” Eddie cuts her off. “And we’re full.” He continues before she can say anything more. “On you go.” When she doesn’t move, he gently nudges her forward, towards the door of the bus. “You better be fast and get a good bunk!” He calls after her as she nervously steps on board. 

As she makes her way to the bunk area, clutching her bag close to her chest, Y/N looks around the bus, her home for the next few weeks. Its kitchenette is even bigger than her kitchen at home. Actually, this whole bus is bigger than her apartment. Earlier this year, she could only dream of standing on a bus like this, yet alone living here. This is definitely going to take some getting used to. 

“Hey guys.” She smiles when she reaches the bunks. They all smile when they see her, each welcoming her to her new home, which makes her feel a little less nervous. “So, which bunk is mine?” 

“You’re up here, above me.” Bucky answers. Y/N’s eyes widen, and immediately, her nervousness is back. Bucky? She’s sleeping in close proximity to Bucky? The same drummer who’s been on her mind ever since she met him, despite her attempts to block him out? How can this possibly go wrong? “I hope that’s okay. If you’d rather have the bottom one, just say.” He reassures her. Despite her nerves, Bucky’s commitment to making sure she’s okay and comfortable makes her smile. 

“No, the top one is totally fine. Thanks Bucky.” She nods, trying to throw her bag onto the bed, but unable to reach.

“Let me help you with that.” Bucky chuckles. 

“Are you sure? I’m okay Bucky, it’s-” But the bag falls to the floor before she can finish her sentence. Bucky laughs again. Yet it’s not a mocking laugh. It’s a friendly laugh, actually. “Okay, maybe I do need help.” Bucky picks up her bag, lifting it over her head and onto the bunk with ease. As he does, she immediately notices his proximity to her. He’s so close that he’s almost trapping her between the bunks. So close she could reach out and run her finger along every single outline of each of Bucky’s tattoos, touch every freckle and birthmark dotting his skin. Y/N gasps. She never realised how muscular he was at first. “Thanks.” She smiles.

“You’re welcome.” He nods. For a moment, it’s as if it’s just them two on the bus, in their own little universe, each staring into the other’s eyes. But then, a little voice sounds in Y/N’s head.

“Don’t get with band dudes. They’re no good. And they’re the last thing you need, especially now.” And so, she pulls away. As she does, she registers Bucky’s smile faltering slightly. “So, what are the beds like? Are they comfy?” She asks, climbing up to her bunk, hoping to change the subject. 

“Yeah, they’re alright.” Bucky replies, his voice mumbled slightly. As she lays down, Bucky’s smile fading and his slight disappointment replays in her mind. His disappointment confuses her.

This is for her own good.

For both of their own good.

So why does she feel so bad about it?

Early the next morning, Y/N sits alone at the small table in the bus’ kitchenette, staring out at the window and watching the world go by. A steaming mug of coffee sits opposite her. Unsurprisingly, her nerves meant she didn’t sleep well the night before. Especially since tomorrow marks the first night of the tour, and her first time performing for people who aren’t the regulars at her local bar.

“Hey.” A familiar voice speaks, pulling her out of her thoughts as Bucky sits opposite her. Y/N rubs her eyes, mumbling a good morning. “You good? Wasn’t expecting anyone else to be up so early.” He remarks. She waits, a part of her expecting a cheeky or sarcastic comment to follow. However, there’s no malice in Bucky’s comment. In fact, it’s far from cruel. It’s from a place of concern, making sure she’s alright after having her world changed practically overnight. And Y/N appreciates it more than he’ll ever know.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Y/N murmurs, wiping at her eyes. “Just homesick, that’s all. I’m not used to being away from home on tour yet. I mostly just stick to playing local bars.” It’s not exactly a lie. Sure, it’s not the main reason she’s sitting here teary eyed at not even 8.30am, but it’s still part of it. Bucky’s brow furrows. A part of her expects him to judge her, or to laugh at her for being so inexperienced. Like she’s used to people doing. Well…like she’s used to Dylan doing. Or worse, he’ll start prying. Something she absolutely isn’t ready for. However, Bucky simply nods. 

“Yeah, I get that. It took us all a while to get used to it, too. But don’t worry, you’re doing great, and you’re definitely good enough to be on tour.” And for the first time that morning, Y/N finds herself smiling. 

“So, now we’ve established why I’m here so early in the morning, can I ask why you are?” 

“Well, I’ve always been a bit of an early bird, and when you share a bus with three other people, some of whom snore….” He trails off, and he and Y/N laugh. “I usually take this time to write some music, but it’s nice to have some new company for once.”

“Have you been working on anything special?” Bucky shrugs.

“Just some things here and there. Maybe we could plan a writing session.” 

“Just us?” Y/N regrets the question almost immediately. Because who does that? Who asks a cute guy who talks about hanging out with you if his friends will tag along too?

“If you want.” Bucky smiles, and something in Y/N’s stomach flutters. “Okay, I’m gonna get some breakfast.” Bucky announces, getting up. “Do you want some?”

“Sure, what have you got?”

“We have…cereal or cereal.” He offers, holding up two boxes. Y/N laughs.

“Wow, what varied choices. I think I’ll have cereal, please.” Y/N points out the box she wants, and Bucky nods.

“A wise choice.” Y/N giggles again, and he grins. He passes over a bowl and sits back down. The pair chat as they eat their breakfast, laughing at each other’s jokes. Y/N can feel her heart beating like crazy. She never imagined she would be here, doing simple things like eating breakfast with a rockstar, or that they’d get along so well. Especially so soon after having her heart broken. It’s an unfamiliar experience…but it’s a nice, comfortable one all the same. 

As the morning goes on, the rest of the band slowly make their way towards them, and the bus fills with laughter and chatter. Bucky drums a rhythm on the table, and once again Y/N finds herself smiling as she watches him play, and as the others all sing along. Yet, despite how much fun she’s having at that moment, all she can think about is when this tour will be over, and how, when it ends, she’s going to be heartbroken and alone all over again. And she can’t handle that pain. Not again.

She has to limit the risk of heartbreak, wherever possible. 

The next night, Y/N paces around the green room, nervously murmuring to herself. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. Oh god, they’re gonna hate me.” She wrings her hands together. “Is it too late to go home?”

“Hey, it’s alright Y/N. Calm down. Take deep breaths.” Sam encourages. 

“Yeah, you’ll be fine! You’ve practised more than enough for this. We were nervous our first time too.” Natasha continues, and the others nod. Yet, Y/N shakes her head.

“No. I won’t. It’s a huge crowd, and I’m not good enough.” A figure stands in front of her, gently taking her arms.

“Y/N.” Bucky. “I promise you, you are good enough for this. After all, that’s why we brought you on tour with us, right, guys?” A chorus of agreement fills the room, alleviating her worry slightly. 

“What if they hate me, though?”

“Nobody’s going to hate you. Did you see the reaction we got when we announced you? Everyone is so excited, and you’re going to go out there and kill it, just like you did in rehearsal.” Seeing that she’s still nervous, Bucky leans in slightly closer. “When you’re out there, imagine you’re performing just for us, like before. Think you can do that?” He asks.

“I guess….” She murmurs, and Bucky smiles. 

“Good girl. Want us to walk down to the stage with you?” He asks, and she nods. When the time comes, the band does exactly that, reassuring her the whole way there. As she waits for the song before she goes out to finish, Y/N takes deep breaths. She registers someone squeezing her hand, and Bucky whispers in her ear. “Don’t worry. Just like you practised. We’ll be right here, watching.” Y/N nods.

And then, it’s time, and Y/N steps onto the stage. Immediately, she launches into her first song. To her surprise, most of the crowd seems to know it, and she can see the people in the first few rows singing along and dancing. Even those who don’t know her look like they’re having a good time. And the same things happen with the second song. And the next song. The crowd seems to love her. 

After a few songs, Y/N takes a minute to have a drink.

“Hey guys! I’m Y/N.” The crowd cheers, and she can’t help but smile. “Some of you may know this, but this is my first actual show on an actual tour, and what a fucking amazing crowd and band to start my tour life with!” More cheers. “So thank you all, but especially thank you to The End of the Line!” She glances to the side of the stage, catching the eyes of the band. All four grin, giving her a thumbs up. Y/N smiles proudly. “This next song is called Crimson. Sing along if you know it.”

Y/N’s set goes by both quicker and better than she expected. As she gets closer to the end of her set, the band leaves to finish getting ready for their own set. However, Y/N doesn’t mind. She already feels more confident than she did at the beginning. As she finishes up her last song, she calls out: “Thank you all so fucking much! I’m gonna be hanging out at the merch table over there for a bit if you wanna come say hi or tell me I was shit. Fuck it, you guys bought the tickets.” She giggles. “Goodnight!”

When she makes it to the merch stand, Eddie hands her a beer, which she almost downs. “Damn girl.” Eddie praises. “That was fucking awesome!”

“You think?”

“Uh, yeah! The crowd loved you. We’ve sold a bunch of your merch already.” She gasps.

“You’re kidding.” He shakes his head, gesturing to something behind her. Y/N turns around to see some girls standing there, staring at her all wide eyed. “Oh sorry. Am I in your way for merch? Just tell me to move. It’s okay.”

“You were amazing! I love your music so much.” One of them grins, holding out her ticket and a sharpie. “Can you sign my ticket, please?” Y/N’s mouth drops open. She wasn’t actually expecting people to want to meet her.

“And mine!” The others chorus.

“T-Thanks!” Still slightly in shock, Y/N nods, signing each ticket and taking pictures with each of them. Soon, a few more fans come to see her, and still amazed, Y/N repeats the cycle. This is her first ever meet and greet, the first time people actually like her.

“Have a good night!” She calls as they go back towards the crowd. “Did that just happen, or am I fucking dreaming?!” she asks Eddie, who laughs.

“I told you. They love you.”

During The End Of The Line’s set, Y/N stands side stage watching them, smiling and singing along to every song as the crowd laps it up, screaming every word back to them. They’re such incredible performers. Maybe one day, that’ll be her, selling out venues across the country. She glances out on the stage, watching as the band plays. Natasha jumps around, her red hair swinging around wildly. Sam and Steve lean against each other as they play their guitars, smiling and joking with each other. And then, she sees Bucky, drumming furiously, his arms moving rapidly. He throws his hands up into the air, twirling his drumsticks between his fingers. Once the song ends, he runs his hand through his hair, strands sticking to his sweaty forehead. Breathlessly, he smiles, mouthing a thank you to the crowd. Y/N feels her breath hitching in her throat. He looks so gorgeous, a true rockstar. 

In an ideal world, one where she and her love life aren’t so broken, they’d probably be together. But there’s no way that can happen. She can see how the girls in the crowd look at him and the others. If he has the pick of any girl he wants, why would he ever go for her?

After all, she’s just an opener. Feeling her heart sinking, Y/N sighs sadly. With one last look at Bucky, she turns and walks back to the green room.

After their set, the band comes back to the green room. To her surprise, though, they’re not talking about their set…they’re talking about hers. “I knew it! You were perfect!” Natasha squeals. “We’re so proud of you!”

“And Eddie told us about your meet and greet. The fans love you.” Sam praises. Before Y/N can say anything, the band envelopes her in a group hug. The overwhelming love and support shown to her throughout the night suddenly reaches a head. Immediately, tears come to her eyes, and soon, Y/N begins crying.

“Oh god, sorry was it too much? We can be a lot, so if you’re uncomfortable, just tell us, sweetheart.”

“No! I’m just…not used to all this, to being shown so much support all at once.” She murmurs, and a chorus of “awww!” fills the room.

“Trust us.” Natasha smiles. “You deserve it.”

“Welcome to touring life Y/N! As a celebration, I say we go get food. My treat.” Steve grins.

“Wow, you’re paying? That’s new. You should savour this experience Y/N.” Sam teases, and the group dissolves into laughter. As she looks around at the band, her new friends who changed her life, Y/N smiles, already feeling her anxieties beginning to melt away slightly.

“Come on then. Let’s go.”

“That was so good. And it tasted even better since I didn’t pay.” Sam grins, and Y/N laughs. 

“Shove off. It’s your turn next time.” Steve replies. As Sam, Steve and Natasha walk on ahead, Bucky falls into step beside her. Right away, she can feel her heart rate beginning to increase.

“I’ve eaten so much, I’m surprised I’m still able to walk.” She murmurs, and Bucky laughs. 

“Yeah, I feel that. We go there every time we’re here, and every time I eat too much too. Join the club.” Y/N looks up, glancing at the stars. She used to wish on them every night, hoping someone would discover her, and that she might actually have a shot at making music, the thing she loves, her job. And now, here she is. Maybe dreams come true after all. “So.” Bucky begins, drawing her focus back to him. “Is there anywhere on this tour you’re most excited to go to?” 

“I don’t really know. In all honesty, this whole thing and getting to tour the country is still mind blowing to me. I’m happy to go anywhere.” Smiling, Bucky nods. 

“Yeah, I was the same when we first started out. You’ll still pinch yourself, even when you get as famous as us. And I have every faith you’ll get there.” Y/N gasps. It’s strange, how he’s so much more famous than her, and yet he still talks to her and treats her like he’s his equal. He really is one of the kindest people she knows. Her stomach twists in knots. And that’s going to make leaving him even more difficult. “I’m most excited to be back in New York, though. Even though I moved away, hometown shows are always the best.”

“You’re from New York too? Same!” Bucky smiles. Her eyes trace along Bucky’s jawline, illuminated by the streetlights. He looks so beautiful. She feels Bucky’s hand brushing against hers, and her heart rate increases.

If dreams do come true...she has an idea for a new one.

“Really? That’s awesome. You know, there’s a really great Italian restaurant I go to all the time whenever I’m there. Maybe we could go.” Y/N suppresses a laugh. She’d love that more than anything, but deep down, she knows he doesn’t really mean it. It’s just him trying to be nice. He’ll forget about her when all of this is over. They all will. And she can’t even blame them for it. Sighing, she nods.

“Yeah. That’d be nice.” 

As the tour continues, Y/N’s confidence continues to grow. Each night, she becomes more and more excited to go on stage. And in turn, she becomes more confident around the band, and spends more time with them, whether it’s writing songs together, shopping with Natasha, or hanging out with Sam and Steve. Basically, her touring life is perfect…aside from one little thorn in her side.

Bucky Barnes.

It’s not that Bucky has been horrible to her, not at all. In fact, he’s been the same kind and welcoming person he’s always been. That’s the problem. He’s so kind that it’s hard to not get close to him, or to want to spend time with him. Especially since she can already feel herself falling deeper in love with him with every passing day. Each time she has to pull away, Y/N feels terrible. 

“So.” Natasha smirks one day whilst they’re out shopping. “When are you gonna put that poor boy out of his misery?” When Y/N raises a brow, Natasha rolls her eyes. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know what I mean! Bucky is so clearly whipped for you, and you’re obviously into him. I can see it all over you.” She grins. Y/N gulps. Despite how happy she is to know that Bucky might feel the same way about her, this is the last thing she wanted to happen. 

“Nothing is going to happen Nat. And you don’t even know if that’s true.” She points out. Natasha says something in reply, but Y/N doesn’t hear it. All she can think about is how big of a problem this is, and how she’s going to have to break Bucky’s heart even more. Of course, the idea of just telling him the truth and admitting her feelings has crossed her mind a few times. Yet, despite how much she wants to do that, and to stop letting her fear and Dylan ruin her new chance at happiness…she’s too afraid to admit the truth, and to drag Bucky into her mess. Or to lose him, and be heartbroken all over again. And this time, it’ll hurt even more than it did with Dylan.

As soon as they get back, Y/N enters the bus, shutting the door behind them. She climbs into her bunk. Angrily throwing the pillow across her bunk, Y/N grabs her phone. Hopefully, scrolling through social media will make her feel better. And at first, it works as posts from her fans fill her feed. She likes and comments on a few, continuing to scroll. As Y/N reads their words, a smile grows on her face. She’s so lucky to have her fans and their support. But then, another post appears. One of her ex and her ex-best friend. Immediately, her heart sinks. They’re still together, smiling like nothing happened, acting like they haven’t left a trail of destruction in their wake and ruined her life. She’s sitting here, terrified of getting too close to Bucky and the others in case she gets hurt like that again. And the people who did it to her in the first place don't even care. They never did.

Angrily, Y/N grips her blanket, grabbing her songwriting notebook and opening it.

It’s about time she lets out her emotions.

“Is Y/N okay?” Sam asks the next morning, after they arrive in New York. “I didn’t see much of her last night, and she shut herself away as soon as we got to the venue.” Bucky furrows his brow, concern flooding his features. Y/N barely spoke to anyone, only a few words here and there. Natasha shrugs.

“She said she’s busy writing, and she doesn’t want to be disturbed. I guess we’ll find out when her new song comes out.” That makes Bucky even more concerned. He knows all about being in a deeply focused, creative headspace, and how you don’t want to speak to anyone until it’s done. But he also knows how bad it can be when you shut yourself away for so long, especially when she already looks so upset. He’ll have to check on her when he gets the chance.

Yet, the next time he sees Y/N is when she’s getting ready to go on and is in a rush. 

“Are you sure you’re alright? We were worried about you.” He asks, watching as she runs around the room, spraying hairspray and perfume everywhere. 

“Yeah, I’m good. Much better.” She insists, reapplying her lipstick in the mirror and giving herself one last check over. “Right, I gotta go. Talk soon, yeah?”

“But-” Bucky begins, cut off by Y/N placing her hand on his arm.

“Bucky, trust me. I’m okay. Bye!” And then she’s gone, leaving the scent of perfume in her wake. Despite his concern, Bucky chuckles. She sure is something. Tonight, she looks like an angel, glitter covering her lids and outfit. She looks beautiful. But she always does. This entire tour, he’s been trying to find the guts to tell her the truth about how he feels, with no luck. And the way she always turns him down or pulls away at the last second makes him think she doesn’t feel the same. Turning, Bucky follows her down towards the stage. 

Although, if she doesn’t feel the same way, he’d understand. When he gets to the side stage, Y/N is already on, in the middle of her first song. Bucky watches her as she works through her first few songs, smiling. The way she controls and interacts with the crowd is incredible, much better than he could ever do.

“Well, hello New York!” Y/N shouts into the mic, the ending of her sentence being drowned out by screams and cheers. “You guys are fucking awesome. Thank you so much!” Another round of cheering sounds, and Y/N grins, the lighting illuminating her teeth and the glitter she’s wearing. Bucky watches, smiling. “Are you guys excited for The End of The Line?” The crowd goes wild again, and Y/N laughs. “That was probably a stupid question.”

“I wanna try something new with you guys, if that’s okay.” She continues, and Bucky raises a brow. “But it means I have to tell you a story too…. Oh, I can see complete excitement on your faces, so I won’t talk too long then.” She jokes, laughing. And then, Bucky realises he’s laughing too. “So a few months ago, just before The End of The Line invited me on their tour, my boyfriend dumped me over text.” The crowd immediately starts booing, whilst Bucky raises an eyebrow. She never mentioned this. “I know! But unfortunately, it’s not just that, New York. He told me he was dumping me for one of my best friends. The same friend he was cheating on me with for the last few months of our relationship. Apparently, me playing shows was too much for him to handle, and I’d never be famous, so he had to think of his future with a girl who ‘knows what she’s doing, instead of just a bar singer’ like me.” The boos intensify, and Y/N nods, clutching a hand to her chest. “I know! At first, I let his words get to me. Look at me now, though!” The crowd cheers, and Y/N grins. “So, I put all my pain and anger into a song, and I’d like to perform it for the first time for you guys. Is that cool with you?!” The crowd goes wild, and Y/N grins, tuning her guitar. “Okay, okay! I hear you loud and clear. If you’ve ever had to deal with a shitty person in your life, I hope this song speaks to you as much as it does to me…and that you tell them to go fuck themselves.” She smirks, and Bucky laughs. “This song is called Letting You Down.” 

As the song plays, Y/N sings with more passion and fury than Bucky has ever seen. She controls the crowd masterfully, having them hanging onto every word she sings. For only just starting out, she really is a natural. Yet, her admission replays through his mind. Hearing how poorly she was treated infuriates him. Y/N’s such a talented and good-hearted person, and she doesn’t deserve that. Her ex obviously has no idea what he’s talking about. Although going through all that may explain why she’s been pulling away from him so much, and so nervous about being on tour. Y/N needs to know how talented and loved she is. And if she doesn’t, he’ll tell her every day.  

After Y/N’s set, Bucky waits in the green room for her. When she walks in and sees Bucky sitting there, her eyes widen. “Aren’t you meant to be on stage in like five minutes?” She frowns. Bucky shakes his head.

“That’s not important right now. I need to talk to you.” Her face falls.

“You heard, didn’t you?” He hates how small and ashamed her voice sounds, like he’d be mad at her for admitting the truth. Bucky nods, stepping closer.

“I did, listen Y/N, I-”

“Buck, come on, we have to go!” Steve calls, poking his head through the door. Bucky doesn’t even care. He just wants to be with Y/N. “Buck!” Steve repeats.

“You need to go!” Y/N insists.

“But-”

“Bucky. Go. I’ll talk to you later, okay?” She promises, gently pushing him towards the door.

Throughout the entirety of their set, all Bucky can do is think of Y/N, and the things he needs to say to her. Things he’s wanted to say to her from the beginning. The second their set is finished, Bucky runs backstage. Y/N sits in the green room, anxiously fiddling with her thumbs. 

“Y/N.” He smiles, breathless. She looks up at him, her face falling. Bucky’s heart sinks. He hates seeing her so upset. “Can I sit?” She nods. “Y/N, I-”

“Look Bucky.” She sighs, finally cutting him off. “You’re incredibly sweet and all, but I just can’t commit to a relationship right now.” She sighs. “You heard the story about my heartbreak, right?” He nods. “Well, I can’t put myself through that pain again. I can’t give my all to somebody and receive nothing in return, I’m sorry.”

“Y/N, he sounds like a dick. And I promise you, not everyone is like that.” 

“It’s not just that.” She murmurs, staring down at the ground. “I know you’re a good person, Bucky. Fuck, I see it in you every day. You’re one of the sweetest guys I know, and I don’t want to think you’d ever hurt me like that. That’s why I’ve been pulling away from you, so neither of us get hurt. Yet, I hurt us both. Honestly, I think I’ve been in love with you ever since we met, and I do want to be with you. But what happens when this tour is over? When the fairytale is over, and we go back to our normal lives, whatever they are now? Sure, we’re musicians, but we come from two totally different worlds. And I don’t fit into your world.” She sighs. Bucky raises a brow, shuffling closer towards her. “Maybe Dylan’s right. Maybe I am just a bar singer.” Bucky gets up from his seat, kneeling in front of her. He takes her hands in his, rubbing his thumbs along her knuckles.

“Y/N. You are one of the most beautiful and talented people I’ve ever met. We could only dream of being able to control and entertain a crowd like you can. Especially tonight!” He insists. “And besides, there’s nothing wrong with being a bar singer, especially when they’re as good as you. Your ex has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about.” As she gazes into Bucky’s eyes, Y/N feels tears building in her own. 

“I want to be with you more than anything. I just can’t. I can’t risk being hurt again.” She whispers. Bucky feels his heart breaking, but he knows he can’t force her to do anything. And so, he nods.

Suddenly, the door opens, and Natasha pops her head in. At first, Bucky expects her to say something about how they’re going out for dinner or something. Yet, as soon as she sees the serious look on Natasha’s face, Y/N frowns. “Nat? What’s going on?”

“Y/N, there’s someone here to see you. He insists he knows you, and even tried to bribe our door staff to let him into the venue. Says he won’t go until you hear him out.” Immediately, Bucky tenses from beside her, and Y/N’s stomach drops. 

“Did he leave a name?” But she knows who it is before Natasha even confirms it.

“It’s Dylan.” Her entire body goes stiff. It feels like someone dumped a whole bucket of ice cold water all over her, plunging her into a horrible nightmare. 

“Wait, Dylan as in ‘Letting You Down’ Dylan? Your ex who treated you like shit?” Bucky asks, and Y/N nods, still numb. “Where is he?”

“He’s in the dressing room. The guys just shoved him in there.” 

“Oh, fuck.” Y/N hisses, already beginning to feel herself hyperventilate. 

“Y/N, we can tell him to go.” Bucky offers. To his surprise, Y/N shakes her head.

“No. I need to do this. I need to tell him myself.” She gulps. Bucky can tell she’s absolutely terrified. “I might need some moral support, though.” She admits, her eyes glancing down at the floor. Bucky finds her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze.

“Of course.” He whispers.

When Y/N and the rest of the band enter the room, Dylan turns around. As soon as he sees Y/N, he grins. Immediately, Bucky hates him. His grin looks smug, and the way he looks at Y/N makes him feel sick. If he could, he’d punch that asshole right in his smug fucking face.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She gasps.

“Wow, I just didn’t realise you were serious about this whole thing!” Dylan muses, looking around the room. “When I saw you online and on TV, I knew I had to come see you…and talk about what happened. Tell you what, why don’t we go get some drinks or some dinner, and we can just…talk it out?” Dylan whispers, reaching out to stroke her arm. The same way he used to when he was trying to get back on her good side, hoping she’d ignore all the cruel things he’d say about her and her career. Reflexively, Y/N steps back, away from him.

“Oh, so you only care about her once she’s getting more attention?” Bucky demands, earning a sharp jab in the ribs from Natasha.

“Bucky.” she hisses.

“What? He doesn’t give a shit about her or her career at first, but when he sees how popular she is and how he’s probably being blasted all over social media for rightfully being called out, he suddenly cares?” Dylan scoffs, rolling his eyes. 

“Buddy, this doesn’t concern you.” Y/N’s heart sinks. Bucky’s right. Dylan doesn’t care about her at all. He’s only here to save his ass.

“Actually, it concerns all of us, buddy. We’re her friends, and we actually give a shit about her, unlike you.” Bucky snaps back.

“Can we have some alone time now?” Dylan asks, his eyes narrowing as he looks at Bucky. For a moment, Y/N almost says yes, wanting to just get rid of him as soon as possible with no further trouble. That is, however, until she glances back, ready to tell the band to do as he asks. The entire band looks pissed off, but Bucky is seething. He stands with his arms folded as he glares at Dylan. They’re the ones who care about her and her career. Not Dylan. And then, Y/N realises what she has to do. 

“No. They stay.” She states. Dylan’s brows furrow. 

“But Y/N, sweetie-”

“Don’t call me that. You lost the right to call me that a long time ago. And you have no right to come here unannounced and start making demands, especially after what you did. I want them here, so they’re staying.” She folds her arms. “Now. What do you want?” When he sees he isn’t getting his way, Dylan splutters.

“I just don’t see why you had to make such a big deal out of it, that’s all! And besides, I was just thinking about calling you before I heard the song, anyway. It would be nice to talk again.”

“Oh, you were, were you? Well, you sure have impeccable timing, don’t you? And besides, I know that’s a lie because as far as I know, you were with your girlfriend last night. Have you told her you want to start talking to me again?” 

“Y/N, come on, don’t be like that. I’m trying to apologise. You always were so dramatic. It’s obvious I didn’t mean everything I said.”

“And yet ‘sorry’ isn’t the first word that came out of your mouth.” She hears sniggering in the background, which only spurs her on further. “And it’s not being dramatic. It’s called standing up for yourself and realising that you’ve treated me like shit for as long as I can remember, and I’m tired of it. If you think I’m coming back to you so you can do it again, you’re dumber than I thought you were. So, you can take your apology and shove it up your ass.” Dylan’s eyes widen, and he splutters again. In a way, it’s funny seeing the man who treated her like shit be unable to handle her sticking up for herself. “Now, go.”

“I’d advise you listen to her and fuck off before we call security. Trust us, you don’t want that.” Sam warns. Dylan tries to argue back, but when he sees he isn’t getting anywhere, he groans, beginning to leave.

“Bitch.” He murmurs as he walks by. Bucky, Sam and Steve follow him out, making sure he leaves while Natasha stays with Y/N. 

“That was incredible! You really gave that asshole what he deserved.” She grins. Y/N doesn’t feel incredible though. In fact, she feels like shit. After being on such a high from the concert and finally letting her emotions out in song, suddenly being confronted with Dylan and being reminded of just how little he cares about her is breaking her all over again. Her bottom lip trembles and her vision blurs. Shit.

“I’m sorry Nat, I-I have to go. I’ll be on the bus if you need me. I just. I need to be alone.” She stammers, her words coming out in a rush. She doesn’t even give Natasha time to reply before she hurriedly leaves the venue and climbs back onto the bus, crawling into her bunk and huddling into the corner. As soon as she knows it’s safe, her tears are unleashed, and she shakes as tears stream down her cheeks. She wraps her blanket around her, hoping it hides her from the world.

Y/N lays there for what feels like hours until the door to the bus opens again. “Who is it?” She calls, her voice croaky. 

“It’s just me.” Bucky replies. As soon as she hears his voice, it feels like a weight has been lifted off of Y/N’s shoulders, and she lets out a breath of relief. “I know you said you want to be alone, but we just want to make sure that you’re okay.” She turns around, looking into the pair of blue eyes she knows so well. The pair belonging to the man she loves. When he sees her tear-stained face, Bucky sighs. “Oh, Y/N.” She holds out her arms, and without another word, Bucky climbs in beside her, wrapping his tattooed arms around her still shaking form. 

He lets her cry into his chest for as long as she needs, rubbing her back and whispering comforting words into her ear. “It’s okay. He’s gone. We got rid of him.”

“I’m sorry.” She hiccups. Bucky looks down at her, frowning.

“Y/N, you have nothing to be sorry for.” Yet, she sniffles, nodding.

“I do. I care about you so much. You’re so kind to me, and I’d love to be with you. In all honesty, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. But I ruined everything between us because of him.”

“You haven’t ruined anything, sweetheart.” Bucky soothes. “You’ve been through a lot, and nobody would judge you for being wary about dating again.” He kisses her head, his stubble lightly grazing her skin. Y/N feels that same flutter in her stomach again, this time amplified. He finds her hand again, intertwining his calloused fingers with hers once more. He brings her hand to his lips, kissing it softly. “It’s going to be big and scary, but we can take things as slow as you want. All I want is for you to be happy and comfortable.” And as she looks back up at him, Y/N realises that he’s right. Maybe she shouldn’t be scared, and actually let herself be happy again, with someone like Bucky.

“Okay.” She nods. Bucky smiles, softly kissing her on the lips. 

“How about I take you out tomorrow? Properly.”

“Where do you wanna go?” Bucky smiles, chuckling slightly.

“Well, we’re in New York, aren’t we? Like I said…I know a restaurant.”

Please follow @onceuponastory-library​ and turn on notifications to be notified when I next post!

[undertale-encyclopedia]

Heres some games ive been playing:

Mario Wonder is very cool and a fun mario game, dont think its winning any serious awards though.

Got back to playing Super Lesbian Animal RPG, if you are any one of those adjectives i suggest checking it out. Cute and emotional and really funny and epic swaggy. i think theres a demo on their website also.

Mario RPG remake is fun. i found the lack of a more detailed soundscape to be odd, no text noises and some enemies look like they should be making sounds but dont. i played the original like 4 years ago and thought it was fine, this feels more fun to play than that.

New Warioware was a little disappointing. No silly toys to unlock and motion controls were a little unresponsive at points.

I played a little bit of Who's Lila, which is like... a horror puzzle game about controlling your face? Its SO weird and so confusing and i got lost and kinda just dropped it. No idea about anything at all in this game.

My friend convinced me to play Dont Starve Together. A lot of "What the fuck do i do to live" and then "Ok everything i do makes it harder to survive". Started getting fun like 10 hours in once i started understanding things a bit more.

Deltarune Chapter 3 was alright, Stylep Groove was maybe my favorite song even though the fuckin channel switching puzzle was awful. Pierre my beloved....

Im not good at thinking, but despite that I decided to start playing FEZ. I havent gotten to anything really puzzley yet but so far its charming.

Other hyperfixation i have rn is Keyboards. Im looking into getting a pretty custom keyboard that sounds nice and feels good. Im still researching switches, ordered some test ones today! Dont know what im gonna do about a case though, but i know i need a hotswappable one because i REFUSE to solder anything. (if you have any suggestions please let me know :) )

And uhhh think thats about it WAIT! Music recommendations. Very into Vylet Pony rn, and EX-LYD released a new single thats pretty nice. Also slowly going through Patricia Taxxon's "TECHDOG", which goes from "strange, slightly overwhelming noise that are sometimes bops" to "i feel like i just jacked my brain into a computer and god is speaking to me through it".

alright thats it. have fun today :)

[jojo-schmo]

Jojo I've been listening to the Kingdom hearts 1 title screen music non-stop because a friend of mine told me that It was good and now I actually want to start playing the entire series like you don't understand. The song just gives off a calming atmosphere and I'm legitimately curious on where to start.

I know that you Played Kingdom hearts before because I see you mention it on your blog multiple times. And I was wondering where you first started on the Kingdom hearts series.

(I know Kirby is your main priority at the moment but I couldn't resist asking this question, also FNAF rules ngl)

OHOHOHO. OHHHHH. These are floodgates I have yet to open on this Tumblr but I am a huge, HUGE Kingdom Hearts fan. I am not currently in a Kingdom Hearts phase (since it’s been a few years since we’ve gotten anything new). But when I am, I am utterly consumed hahaha. It was the first game series I was a truly a fan of. Years and years before I learned about Kirby.

Kingdom Hearts music is INCREDIBLE and I could talk forever about it. I’ve been to three of their World Tour concerts when they came to the US. The OST albums on Spotify consumed my top statistics this year :P with every new game, I always quietly sit and listen to the new version of Dearly Beloved on the main menu for a while before I begin as a personal sentimental tradition. :’)

I started playing Kingdom Hearts almost at the very beginning. I followed the series across all the different platforms it released on over the years. Thankfully it’s easier than ever to play now! If you’re interested, I recommend getting your hands on the “All-In-One Package” for the PlayStation or PC- whatever you happen to have (however I hear the switch version is extremely flawed. I don’t have it but maybe be careful with that one).

Some people would recommend playing them in chronological story order since it can be quite a wild ride. You can look up the chronological order out there. But my personal recommendation is to play the games in the order they released so you get the same experience as the people who followed the series from the beginning like me hehehe. But do whatever you’d like! I love this series very very much, through all of its triumphs, and even for its flaws and the absolutely wild story it has,

…because where else can you have a frame with a realistic looking Orlando Bloom as Will Turner Pirates of the Caribbean, with a cartoonishly bright Goofy staring blankly in the background? Or Yao from Mulan socking Donald Duck in the face?! I love it I love it I love it anyone can talk to me about Kingdom Hearts whenever they want!!

Here’s a condensed version of how I got into the game. Just for fun. :)

Free games?! I already loved my PS1. Now could I pass this opportunity up?! Thanks EJ, for changing my life with your generosity. If you ever see this, hope you’re well. You rock.

Anyway- The life-changing part of the game happened to me almost immediately lol. Like in the opening of the game and the tutorial section haha

I was instantly hooked. It’s been a huge positive influence in my life. 20 years later, I still remember the emotions I had playing each of the games for the first time. I’ve probably played KH2 a few dozen times, just on the PS2! I can’t wait to see where the next game takes us- but if there’s one thing you have to be as a Kingdom Hearts fan…. Is patient! xD

TLDR: I love Kingdom Hearts and I hope you do too.

[aurorabyler]

Masterpost: Stranger Things Theories (Mainly Byler)

Hi everyone!! I've been missing making theories and the energy of summer 2022 (and just any stranger things release era for that matter), so I thought I'd compile my theories and important posts into one big master post! Enjoy, and feel free to share :) I can't wait to make more theories and analyses once we get more content.

Will's First Lie and First I Love You: Musical Symbolism Analysis

This one is a personal favourite of mine--I really recommend you check it out. The Stranger Things soundtrack is more than just pretty synthwave songs...it is integral to the story and the repetition and remixing of certain soundtracks really shows the amount of love and care that has gone into the show. This post describes the connection between the songs "The First Lie," "The First I love You," and "Being Different."

Flashbacks in Stranger Things: When, Why, and How They Are Used (Long Analysis)

This analysis applies a lot of key writing skills to a byler-focused analysis, with an emphasis on the varying use of flashback as a literary device across the show. From my analysis, you'll see that the way flashbacks have been used across Stranger Things, and particularly season 4, tell an interesting story about the more "real" relationships in the show.

Destruction: Byler's Repeating Musical Motif (With Video!)

I feel like this post is kind of underrated, but it's such an important musical symbolism moment, much like "The First Lie..Love You...Being Different" connection! It's yet another repeating musical motif that actually spans THREE seasons of the show and started in season one. Give it a read (and a watch!)

Comparing David Harbour and Noah Schnapp's Interviews About ST5

There are quite a few striking similarities between the way Noah and David have spoken about the end of Stranger Things. Check them out here!

Interpreting the Surfer Boy Pizza Scene: Leading Up to Breakup

This analysis looks at the scene between Mike and El at surfer boy pizza and argues that if it was leading up to an "I love you" or them getting back together, there needed to be more emotional buildup to that during El's time at the Nina project or Mike's on the road.

Will Byers Has the Power Vecna Needs to Deal with What He Hates Most: Time Itself

Ooooh, I love this one too! This theory looks at the pretty much inevitable relationship between Will and Vecna, and how time could play a key role in that.

Parallels Between El and Will Feeling Different

A short one, but this is a key parallel between how El and Will both feel different, and how Mike responds to that.

Significance of "A Book of Letters"

Why it's important that Will specifically mentions El having "a book of letters" from Mike.

Willel: I'd Get Him to Swap Our Places

My thoughts on willel and the potential significance of "Running Up That Hill" to their connection

"You're The Heart" and "Her Heart Stopped"

A little analysis of the connection between Mike's failed monologue and Max's heart stopping.

Brenner and Mike: Superhero Discussion Parallels

I feel like this topic is underrated in the fandom generally, but it deserves more attention as it's probably one of the most outright parallels that we have...lol...it's literally spoonfed to us. Give it a read :)

My Fan Expo Audio of Finn Talking About Mike's Pocket

Just a fun little addition! Fan Expo was such a fun experience :)

Thoughts on Response to Finn's Acting From GA and Implications for Byler

"Finn is expressionless during Melvin scenes!" yeah...maybe because that's the point? LOL

Me Roasting Mike's Arc if Taken At Face Value

Just....LOL. It's just funny.

Endgame Ships Not Needing to Say "I Love You"

What do the seemingly endgame ships have in common? They show, not tell their love for each other.

I hope you enjoy reading my posts! <3

[withered-rose-unbreakable-lotus]

Since many of you liked the masterpost with visual kei movies, which proves many of us are still around, is there anything else you'd like info on? In case I know sth that could help I mean.

Is there for example a band you were always interested in but never got down to searching, or one that still intrigues you, but you just never found the right song to like them? Cause sometimes some bands do have some bangers that never make it to an mv form, I mean.

I don't know everything about every band, of course, and my knowledge lessens greatly when it comes to bands formed after 2018, but still, if you got a question do share it, maybe one of my followers has sth you need.

The bands I'm most familiar with (therefore I'm most likely to know sth more about) are:

9GOATS BLACK OUT

Alice Nine

AND -eccentric agent-

BORN

Codomo Dragon (until Kana's departure, cause roller coaster of emotions, however I am still following Kana's work)

D (Asagi solo, Ruiza solo & Hide Zou solo, as well as some stuff from their previous bands)

DIAURA

DOG inThePWO

Gak (ex. Purple Stone)

Hyde

NETH PRIERE CAIN (only newbie I know a few things about, emphasis on "few")

Kaya (mostly his solo activity, my knowledge on bands he's been in is pretty limited (i.e: Femme Fatale & Schwarz Stein))

Kiryu (& some My Dragon stuff)

Liraizo (until Suzune's withdrawal at least)

Malice Mizer (Klaha, Mana, Közi and Yu~ki activities all in, although I know almost nth about Moi dix Mois)

Gackt

Megaromania (Sui (David) and Mizaly solo activities included)

Metis Gretel

RonoCro (limited knowledge, mostly around Minami)

REIGN

Plastic Tree (however I'm more familiar with Ryutaro's solo music cause I could find more stuff I liked there)

Screw (and any solo or session band activity of the members)

KHRYST+

Anli Pollicino (limited knowledge)

VANIRU (limited knowledge)

SuG (mostly anything Takeru did while in the band, every solo work during its course and after it)

The GazettE

The Valentine

Fi'ance (a little more than limited knowledge)

TRUST (some stuff I guess)

Tokami (from Agato's joining till the disband) (basically every band he's been in, I've checked it too)

Versailles (+ Kamijo's and Hizaki's solos)

Hizaki Grace Project

Lareine

Vistlip (+ Lill)

I think that's all. Yeah my life revolves around bands I know. If anyone wants recommendations or wants to know sth about a release or a video or sth, feel free to ask.

[dustedmagazine]

Dust Volume 10, Number 2

Ballister

It’s a leap year, so we all get an extra 24 hours to listen to February music.  Why not try some of these selections from our endless piles of when-i-get-to-its?  We’ve got unhinged beatmakers and noise-addled Canadians, smashing, grabbing jazz men and psychedelic post-punk.  And really a lot more.  February always seems long.  This year it’s even more extended.  Use your time wisely.  Play records. 

This month’s contributors include Patrick Masterson, Ian Mathers, Bill Meyer, Bryon Hayes, Tim Clarke, Jennifer Kelly, Jonathan Shaw, Jim Marks and Andrew Forell. 

8ruki — POURquoi!! (33 Recordz)

This ain’t your mother’s TTC. Bilingual Parisian 8ruki takes most of his cues from Atlanta, acting with a whole lotta Whole Lotta Red in mind and squeezing 22 songs into his third album — about right for contemporary hip-hop in this vein, which frequently abandons ideas after less than two minutes and leaves a trail of incomplete sketches in its wake; like others his age, 8ruki has evolved to consider this less a bug (especially for stans forever thirsty for the next “project”) than a feature, the default mode of working. I don’t know what good it would do to comment on a song called “Andrew Tate!!” or “Elon Musk!!” at this stage other than to suggest the guy’s just being (what the French call) a provocateur, but peek elsewhere and you’ll find an unexpected beat switch on “VAris//PIENna,” not to mention a world-shrinking reference to the Golden State Warriors; the high-pitched squeaks of “CA$h!!” and “GIVENCHY MARgiela!”; the string sample and rolling bass of “EDQuer!!”; and a whole lot more to enjoy. Ignore the annoying tendency to turn caps off halfway through a song title; this is a fun record with a lot going on that’s even better if you more than half understand it.

Patrick Masterson

ALL HANDS_MAKE LIGHT — “Darling The Dawn” (Constellation)

The credits for this duo’s second release are deceptively simple; Ariel Engle (La Force, Broken Social Scene) as just “voice” and Efrim Manuel Menuck (Godspeed You! Black Emperor, Thee Silver Mt Zion) as just “noise.” But there are whole worlds contained in voice and noise, and there’s a sonic, emotional, and political complexity here that makes it feel much weightier and more elaborate than the work of any two people. (It also had one of the best song titles of last year in “We Live on a Fucking Planet and Baby That’s the Sun.”) There are distinct songs here, even some refrains, but the whole of “Darling The Dawn” also feels like one long ebbing and flowing movement, culminating in lovely, shattered grandeur with the closing one-two punch of “Anchor”/“Lie Down in Roses Dear.” Shoegaze without guitars (although not without occasional strings or drums, from Jessica Moss on violin and Liam O’Neill, respectively), emotional noise music, kosmiche played in a paupers’ graveyard; it’s hard to know what to call what ALL HANDS_MAKE LIGHT does, other than impressive. Maybe voice and noise is enough description after all.

Ian Mathers

Ballister — Smash And Grab (Aerophonic)

In Chicago, the smash and grab game is strong. People aren’t just breaking windows but driving vehicles through them. Ballister apply that spirit of aggressive enterprise to performance on this memento of saxophonist Dave Rempis, cellist Fred Lonberg-Holm and drummer Paal Nilssen-Love’s reunion at the Catalytic Sound Festival in Chicago in December, 2022. The reeds wail and probe, the strings splinter and scrape, the drums smash rhythm in the air and reshape them. And that’s just in the first few minutes. Over the course of the set, they find ways to apply that assertive spirit to quieter passages and slower passages, fashioning rough thickets and inconsolable laments from the same rough material. While Dusted does not recommend literal application of the album’s title when acquiring it, we confidently predict that you’ll find the record sticking to your fingers, obliging you to return it to the playback device for another go around.

Bill Meyer

Cuneiform Tabs — Cuneiform Tabs (Sloth Mate)

The Sloth Mate label is the psychedelic tendril sprouting from the flourishing vine that is the modern Bay Area post-punk scene.  There’s certainly an affiliation with Famous Mammals, Children Maybe Later and others of that ilk, but there’s a tendency to stray from traditional idioms that is unique to the Sloth Mate catalog.  Violent Change, headed up by the imprint’s owner Matt Bleyle, is at the center of this sub-underground cabal, coming across like a garage punk band noisily banging out Face to Face-era Kinks jams after gobbling some mind-altering flora.  Sterling Mackinnon’s The False Berries on the other hand is a lo-fi ambient electronic project that recalls the early beat-inclusive work of Christian Fennesz.  Bleyle and Mackinnon collaborate remotely under the Cuneiform Tabs moniker (the latter musician is based in London, England).  The cross-pollination works incredibly well, with the most listenable aspects of each unit rising to the forefront.  When it appears, Mackinnon’s Dan Bejar-meets-Marc Bolan warble acts as a foil for Bleyle’s deeper crooning.  Similarly, the former’s atmospheric tendencies highlight the beautiful melodies hidden beneath the latter’s noise-baked tunesmithery.  Cuneiform Tabs’ psychoactive sonorities require work to decipher, but the endeavor is certainly worthwhile.       

Bryon Hayes

Mia Dyberg Trio — Timestretch (Clean Feed)

It’s tempting to take the title of Timestretch ironically, since this Scandinavian trio compacts a lot of action into 43.18.  There are 14 tracks, all but three composed by bandleader and alto saxophonist Dyberg. But more likely, it addresses this paradox; while the music never feels like it’s in a hurry, there’s a fair bit going on. Tonally, Dyberg shifts easily between slightly sour and just sweet enough, and her phrasing is mobile, but never busy. On a few unaccompanied tracks, she unburdens herself more directly, mourning for those laid low by conflict. Bassist Asger Thomsen anchors the music with stark, strategically placed notes, and adds dimension with occasional sparse, bowed comments.  But it’s drummer Simon Fochhammer who gives the music shape, sometimes with a quick rustle, other times by building an eventful structure around his partners.

Bill Meyer

Kali Malone — All Life Long (Ideologic Organ)

Swedish composer and organist Kali Malone takes a rigorous, structured approach to making music, crafting deliberately pared-back and laser-focused pieces that make the listener acutely aware of the shifting harmonic dynamics within thick layers of sound. This 78-minute album presents an intimidating edifice to a casual listener, but it is organized to allow curious immersion in more easily digestible sections. The longest tracks are organ pieces stretching to around 10 minutes in duration, aching with melancholy. However, there are also shorter vocal and brass pieces that deviate away from held drones into more spacious, overlapping progressions that are, on occasion, almost buoyant. All Life Long feels like music for a less easily distracted age; to be patient enough to bear witness to its full, solemn unfolding requires commitment, but how often do you hear music this awe-inspiringly pure?

Tim Clarke

 Michael Nau — Accompany (Karma Chief)

Accompany rides the line between cosmic country and garden variety indie pop, its gentle melancholy enlivened by radiant runs of twanging guitar. “It’s an impossible life to get over,” Michael Nau croons in “Painting a Wall,” sounding beaten down but not quite broken, grounded in the ordinary but yearning for transcendence. Nau, you might remember, fronted the indie chamber pop Page France in the early aughts and the slightly more countrified Cotton Jones in the late ones.  This fifth solo album hits its peak in plaintive “Shape-Shifting,” where an otherworldly echo sheathes both Nau’s voice and the rumble of piano, and a glow suffuses everything, making it more.

Jennifer Kelly

Note — Impressions of a Still Life EP (The North Quarter)

Manchester’s Note hasn’t been around all that long — the earliest traces of his Soundcloud only reach back to October of 2021 — but just within the last year, he’s demonstrated a knack for fusing airy, sultry R&B moods with the breaks n’ bass of UK dance music’s storied past. Late January’s Impressions of a Still Life EP out via The North Quarter imprint, helmed by Dutch producer Lenzman (himself a veteran of labels like Metalheadz, Nu-Directions and Fokus), is another fine example: Aside from the stirring “Vespertine” that debuted last summer and features poet and spoken word artist Aya Dia, plus “Cold Nights” that came in November, Note fills out the EP with three additional songs of varying speed and mood. The best might be “EVR,” which again features a vocalist, this time singer-songwriter Feeney. Employing deep bass, fluttering percussion and featherweight piano flourishes, the production here is top-notch Brit-inflected R&D&B. Watch this space.

Patrick Masterson

Plaza — Adult Panic (Self-Release)

The novelist and rock critic (and one-time Dusted writer) Michael Fournier spent the pandemic on Cape Cod with his wife Becca, he learning the bass and she the drums.  Adult Panic collects 11 spiked and minimalist cuts from this experiment, almost entirely instrumental (there’s a shouted refrain on “(The Real) Mr. Hotdog”) and rife with lockdown agitation. The drums are pretty basic, a skitter of high-hat with snare on the upbeats, but the bass parts wander and jitter intriguingly. The title track has a Slint-ish post-rock open-ended-ness, repeated riffs left to linger and shift in the air. “The Tomb of Santa Claus” moves faster and more insistently, letting surf-like bent notes flare from rickety architectures. The whole experience is rather dour and claustrophobic, right up until the end when “(The Real) Mr. Hotdog” clatters into earshot and the two Fourniers seem to be, finally, having some fun.

Jennifer Kelly

Caroline Polachek — Desire, I Want to Turn to You: Everasking Edition (Perpetual Novice)

I’m not gonna sit here and tell you all about how big Caroline Polachek’s 2023 was; if you were paying any attention to the conversation, you already know Desire, I Want to Turn to You was universally, justifiably acclaimed. The Everasking Edition tacks on seven additional songs, five fresh out the box, one an acoustic rendition of “I Believe” and one a cover. Regarding the latter: Anyone paying attention to the machinations of the modern music business will know the name Jaime Brooks, who was half of Elite Gymnastics and now works as Default Genders in addition to unflinching commentary on whatever the fuck is going on with Billboard charts and the ugly realities of how no one’s getting Spotify royalties. “Coma” was originally theirs from Main Pop Girl 2019, a beautiful, delicately skipping adrenaline rush of a love song. Polachek doesn’t radically reinvent what’s already great; instead, she leaves the music alone and takes ownership of the rendition with her lower pitch and breathy delivery. A heartfelt nightcap on an imperial year, you couldn’t have scripted that Valentine’s Day release any more perfectly.

Patrick Masterson

Proton Burst — La Nuit (I, Voidhanger)

When the wife of storied French comics artist Phillipe Druillet died in 1975, Druillet poured his grief and rage into an idiosyncratic graphic narrative, La Nuit (1976); it’s full of mutant biker gangs, Druillet’s signature fever-dream architectural forms and hair-raising violence. French thrash metal weirdos Proton Burst loved the book, and in 1994 they produced an album-length project, part response, part soundtrack to the comic’s maniacal intensities. I, Voidhanger has given that Proton Burst record a deluxe reissue, including the original music, an extended live performance of it from 1995 and a booklet including eye-popping images from Druillet’s comic and an essay. If you’re in this for the music, the real treat is the live set, which is nearly as unhinged as Druillet’s illustrations. The band rages, rants, foments and froths—and is that a harp? Who knows. Like the original graphic narrative, what matters here is the volatility of the feeling tone, more so than any sense-making (or sonic) throughway. Lose yourself in the violence of it. Maybe that feeling of dislocation gets closest to the irrational agony of loss Druillet drew La Nuit in the teeth of, some 50 years ago.

Jonathan Shaw

Mariano Rodriguez — Exodo (self-released)

Mariano Rodriguez is an Argentinian guitarist in the Takoma school tradition with a large and high-quality back catalog. He often focuses on playing with a slide but is equally adept at playing without one and sometimes incorporates experiments with sound, as on Huesos Secos (2020), and fuller traditional instrumentation, as on Praise the Road (2017), into his recordings. Exodo, released late last year, is a set of mainly guitar soli. The playing is typically inspired, impressive without being flashy, and the compositions are tuneful and well-developed. Included is a 12-string anthem (“Lazaro”), Rodriguez’s signature slide work (such as on “The Desterrados”), bluesy 6-string meditations (“Diaspora”), and a couple of experiments with studio effects and overdubs (“The River and the Blind”) and drone (“Mother of the Road”). Over all, Exodo is a fine set of tunes that flows cohesively.

Jim Marks

Twin Tribes — Pendulum (Beso de Muerte Records)

Pendulum by Twin Tribes

It’s unclear precisely which tribes are twinned here, but if the music on Pendulum is any indication, it’s the deathrock freaks (with their long-standing romance of moldering, undead bodies) and the coldwave kids (who like to dance in place, furiously, disaffectedly, bodies frosty for entirely different reasons). Twin Tribes hails from the bastion of moody electronic music that is Brownville, TX, and somehow these Latinx fellows have managed to survive their local cultural climate long enough to release three LPs, a live tape and a whole bunch of singles and remixes. Pendulum refines the essential sonic template laid down in 2019’s Ceremony: tuneful, shimmery synths; snappy, brittle rhythm tracks; baritone vocals about zombies at the disco. If that sounds like fun, it surely is—but you’ll have a hard time convincing the kids in black eye makeup to crack anything like a smile. This reviewer can’t help it. The songs are too good, the vibes are way too goofily gravid. Dance, you flesh-eating misfits, dance.

Jonathan Shaw

Volksempfänger — Attack of Sound (Cardinal Fuzz / Feeding Tube)

Attack Of Sound by Volksempfänger

Attack of Sound’s swirling boy-girl harmonies instantly call to mind shoegaze luminaries Slowdive, but Volksempfänger’s noise-strewn guitar latticework is more aligned with The Jesus and Mary Chain.  Furthermore, the Dutch duo’s melodic flavor is as sweet as 1960s AM radio.  Ajay Saggar (Bhajan Bhoy) and Holly Habstritt combine these disparate sonic strands to create tidy noise pop gems, which they wrap in Phil Spector sonics.  The wall of sound approach imbues each song with a pulsating thrum.  This is the beating heart of their sound, underpinning the delightful vocal harmonies, shimmering guitar melodies, and waves of coruscating feedback.  The pair attains a balance between saccharine and savory aromas: dream pop wistfulness (“What the Girl Does” and “Your Gonna Lose Hard”) interchanges with propulsive garage rock (“How We Made It Seem” and “Damned & Drowned”).  The album closes out with the kaleidoscopic psychedelia of “You’ve Lost It,” introducing yet another aspect of Volksempfänger’s oeuvre.  This last-minute shift in mood adds a quirky sense of quietude to an otherwise exhilarating journey.   

Bryon Hayes

Ian Wellman — The Night the Stars Fell (Ash International)

The Night The Stars Fell by Ian Wellman

Recorded in the fire swept forests and deserts of Southern California, Ian Wellman’s The Night the Stars Fell plays like a Disintegration Loops for natural disasters. Wellman’s treated field recordings encourage the listener to subsume themselves in the natural rhythm of the wind that fanned the wildfires much like Basinski’s seminal work. While Disintegration Loops drew its potency from the association with 9/11, Wellman’s project is a more deliberate meditation on destruction. He coats his field recordings of deteriorating human structures — railcars, homes — and landscape ambience with short-wave radio static and decaying tape loops. There’s a concentration on both the violence of the destruction and the desolation of the aftermath. Huge swells of sound are interspersed with howls of wind, coruscating swathes of static and the creak and crank of burnt timber both natural and manufactured. The Night the Stars Fell is an absorbing evocation of nature’s power. 

Andrew Forell

Wharfer — Postboxing (Self-Release)

Postboxing by Wharfer

Wharfer’s Kyle Wall has long made the kind of shadowy, pared down indie-folk singer/songwriter music that elicits comparisons to Bill Callahan and Will Oldham. This time out, however, he ditches vocals and verse chorus structure entirely and enlists Chuck Johnson (pedal steel), Ian O’Hara (acoustic bass) and Duncan Wickel (violin) for a set of ambient, piano-forward reflections. These tracks are quietly riveting as, like “Wishing Well in White Noise,” the blend the chalky, elegiac tones of the piano’s upper registers with limpid pools of sustained pedal steel. Not quite ambient, the piece swirls and rounds to its own subtle rhythms, a faint thunk of bass ordering it forward. “Alto” brings the long, bowed vibrations of violin into the mix, then a sprightly sprinkle of pizzicato strings. And in the title track, a ritual voice flickers in and out of focus, but only as tone and texture. The piano carries the narrative, as string washes build and bass notes drop in and seagulls cry in the distance. It’s a subtle but powerful voice on its own, and you don’t miss the words one bit. 

Jennifer Kelly

[achillean-heartbeat]

Grieving is so different now that i have Lord Beelzebub and Lady Hekate in my life.

A few years ago, i lost a close friend to suicide. It was the most painful loss i had experienced.

A month ago, i lost one of my closest friends to cancer. I don't even know how to tackle in words how huge this painful emptiness is.

However, now, i have an outlet to my grief. For releasing all this love for her that has nowhere to go. I have mantras and prayers to pronounce when i need to talk about my friend but am not able to get out the words.

We made a memorial corner for her in our uni. We planted an olive tree in her name, a way for her to stay physically in our lives.

Every morning when i come to uni, i go and sit with the tree and talk to Lord Beelzebub and Lady Hekate and to my friend.

Everytime i go and sit with her tree, without fail, there is a bee waiting there for me. No matter how many time this has happened, it still makes me tear up.

And today, i was asking of Lady Hekate, Hekate Phosphoros, to be my friend's guiding light wherever she is.

Later in the day, 3 things happened:

First, as i was crying and spiralling about her while in the car, for some reason, my brain went "you need to look out the window right now." And i saw how beautiful today's moon is. It snapped me out of my thoughts. I took a picture for myself because i cherished this moment. And only a couple hours ago, while going through my pictures, did i notice the entire picture. I didn't even see the crossroad lights when i took it. (First pic)

Second, after this, i was browsing the recommended songs of a rock playlist i have on spotify, when i got recommended a pretty interesting artist. When i went and saw their songs, i was so stunned to see one of them was called Crossroads of Hekate when none of the rest of their songs mentioned any other deity or entity. (Second pic)

And third, something absolutely crazy happened. I revisited one of my old instagram accounts. On it, i follow very few people, so the home feed is made of only them. So i saw a recent post of the sister of my friend that i lost to suicide. I thought in my head that i am glad she is able to slowly get back to life. I wanted to check up on her. So i clicked her profile, scrolled down mindlessly in her posts. And i saw the caption of one of her posts. I stared shocked and just... happily hoping, that maybe, she too, found solace and strength in Hekate. I hope so. From the bottom of my heart (third pic)

I hold these moments so, so, so incredibly dear to my heart. I can't even describe the surge of emotions that swell in me whenever instances like these happen.

So after all of this, i finished my night routine since i wanted to turn in because i was tired, so while i was packing my stuff for the next day, i burned some incense, prayed and recited some mantras, talked to her and thanked her immensly.

[omegalomania]

new joe podcast just dropped, so here are some fun tidbits. as always i recommend listening for urself but if you dont have the time heres the highlights reel:

it wasnt hard for joe to be honest in writing the book, cause he describes himself as having "no filter" lol

the hosts asked if he talked to scott ian about the....Moment in the book before it was released (i won't spoil it for those who haven't read it; if you have, you probably know the one) and joe says he did not because "guys are GREAT at emotions."

they did talk about it after scott texted him about it. and sent joe a picture of him on a red carpet with a monkey on his back and joe could not tell if he was being serious dlkfldjflkd

the hosts compliment joe on his hair. joe says he's not likely to go bald so that's nice. he says one of his kids likes to put bows in his hair <3

predictably he's asked if fall out boy have anything in the works currently, to which joe replies, "we're always passing stuff around...like illnesses. but also creative stuff. we're not working on anything specific, we're just - everybody is in family mode or if they have other projects outside of the band they're focusing on that."

"but we will get the literal band back together. i'm sure we'll do more next year. probably not a lot this year."

the hosts ask what the rest of the band thought about the book. joe says they got an early manuscript and he got a bunch of thumbs up emojis in response. he says "one of the members" definitely read some or most of the manuscript, maybe all of it, but he doesn't know about the others (he does not name any names lol)

"i'm not trying to besmirch albums of the past. i love a lot of the stuff that we did after our hiatus, i love the experimentation, the ways in which we used sampling, and co-writes brought out interesting stuff that would've never come out otherwise. and we've had additional hit songs because of that and it's prolonged our career, so no, i'm very happy with all of that."

it'd be fun to "go back to basics, but not in a basic way." if they do a guitar album again he doesn't just wanna do cork tree but more of it. he said that one album represents a moment in time that's since passed.

the hosts asked what his wife thought of the book. he said that she said "it's great!" and didn't clarify. (she DID like it, he just had to get details from a mutual friend lmao)

"the axe" (six-issue comic series he wrote with brian posehn for heavy metal comics) WILL be getting a trade paperback version with all six issues, and he said it'll come either late this year or early next year!

he is also working on something for image comics and is currently developing a show for a network, but isn't sure where that's going to go. he basically always has a lot of things going on at once.

overall he's pleased with the response to the book. it has been an exposing experience and he instinctively wants to shy away but he hasn't gotten a bunch of hate for it. he's happy if anyone liked it!