#muggy.prays

[achillean-heartbeat]

Grieving is so different now that i have Lord Beelzebub and Lady Hekate in my life.

A few years ago, i lost a close friend to suicide. It was the most painful loss i had experienced.

A month ago, i lost one of my closest friends to cancer. I don't even know how to tackle in words how huge this painful emptiness is.

However, now, i have an outlet to my grief. For releasing all this love for her that has nowhere to go. I have mantras and prayers to pronounce when i need to talk about my friend but am not able to get out the words.

We made a memorial corner for her in our uni. We planted an olive tree in her name, a way for her to stay physically in our lives.

Every morning when i come to uni, i go and sit with the tree and talk to Lord Beelzebub and Lady Hekate and to my friend.

Everytime i go and sit with her tree, without fail, there is a bee waiting there for me. No matter how many time this has happened, it still makes me tear up.

And today, i was asking of Lady Hekate, Hekate Phosphoros, to be my friend's guiding light wherever she is.

Later in the day, 3 things happened:

First, as i was crying and spiralling about her while in the car, for some reason, my brain went "you need to look out the window right now." And i saw how beautiful today's moon is. It snapped me out of my thoughts. I took a picture for myself because i cherished this moment. And only a couple hours ago, while going through my pictures, did i notice the entire picture. I didn't even see the crossroad lights when i took it. (First pic)

Second, after this, i was browsing the recommended songs of a rock playlist i have on spotify, when i got recommended a pretty interesting artist. When i went and saw their songs, i was so stunned to see one of them was called Crossroads of Hekate when none of the rest of their songs mentioned any other deity or entity. (Second pic)

And third, something absolutely crazy happened. I revisited one of my old instagram accounts. On it, i follow very few people, so the home feed is made of only them. So i saw a recent post of the sister of my friend that i lost to suicide. I thought in my head that i am glad she is able to slowly get back to life. I wanted to check up on her. So i clicked her profile, scrolled down mindlessly in her posts. And i saw the caption of one of her posts. I stared shocked and just... happily hoping, that maybe, she too, found solace and strength in Hekate. I hope so. From the bottom of my heart (third pic)

I hold these moments so, so, so incredibly dear to my heart. I can't even describe the surge of emotions that swell in me whenever instances like these happen.

So after all of this, i finished my night routine since i wanted to turn in because i was tired, so while i was packing my stuff for the next day, i burned some incense, prayed and recited some mantras, talked to her and thanked her immensly.