#And Lucifer is one of the few fandom where I literally ship everything

[your-littlesecret]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

@espithewarlock just tagged me on this, thank you bb 💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

62 + 1 on anon

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

exactly 559.489

3. What fandoms do you write for?

exclusively Formula 1 RPF (right now)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

say my name and everything just stops (I don't want you like a best friend) - a/b/o where Charles accidentally "matches" with pierre in an app to help with his heat

jump then fall - vet!pierre who works in the animal shelter Charles takes a dog he finds in the street

call it what you want to - my firstborn wip, rival CEOs

hide and seek - crackfic where their families were never openly told Charles and pierre are married

baby one more time - pure porn. breeding kink.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I always try to but I am terrible at it 😬 I appreciate all of them, but I never know what to answer too skaduhfbnskuhfvndfkhusvb but yeah, I try to answer all of them

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I have literally two fics with MCD so it could be either 💀 but to me, it's gotta be I know I'll never get it (there's not a day that I won't try)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I have literally no idea?? I don't really do unhappy endings (apart from MCD, and even then very rarely) so I could say any of them

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really?? I got a bitchy comment once but that was about like. nothing related to the fic, which was weird osieugnsoeiugnfdivjn

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes. I don't know, I just- sit down and type it? idk what kind, I've written a wide range of different smuts I believe.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

that will depend on what you view as crossover. httyd au could be considered a crossover bc toothless and the fury light are literally part of the story??? the one where they are shadowhunters with our lord and saviour Magnus bane making an appearance (and Alec being mentioned). the proposal au? (I wouldn't say Lucifer au is a crossover bc I literally just based myself on the whole idea of celestial beings and whatnot. maybe it's a bible crossover??)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that I am aware of, and I fucking hope not!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've had a request for it, but I'm not sure if the person is still thinking about it or what's going on. it would be an honour!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

YES!!!! THE JUSTLY FIC!!!!!!! I love this fic so much and I love justi so much (debatable, we are in our enemies phase right now so I don't think I can say that in public) and it was SO MUCH FUN and I love writing with friends and I sure want to do it again!!! (friends..... if you want..... you know where to find me...... 😏😏)

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

definitely piarles. I will sometimes venture myself into other ships (especially if I want to write for a fren and I don't mind that ship)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't have any published work that's unfinished bc I keep myself on a very tight leash about wips. if I start posting it, bet that I already have at least half of that story written and the rest is already meticulously planned. I have a few half-finished wips on my docs tho, but if I stop writing it's usually bc it's not bringing me any joy anymore. the nanny x ceo tho.... I stopped that one bc I got a bit depresso espresso at the time and life got busy as shit but I want to finish it so badly.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I ask myself that every day kkkkkkkkkkk I guess the fact that I can write really quickly? like if I have an idea I can just write down a whole 10k in like. 2 or 3 days.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

first of all I can't shut the fuck up. I have to restrain myself when I want to write anything less than 5k. im not sure if it's a weakness per se but yeah.

I also am very aware I have issues with describing the locations and with ending a fic. like. I never fucking know how to.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't mind when it's specific words or the occasional phrase and there's a translation to it. other than that, I won't lie, I kindof despise it. I can't speak, for example, Italian, so what is the point of reading a fic where the whole dialogue is in Italian if I won't understand shit?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

you will have to talk to my lawyer to get that information.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

I couldn't possibly choose only one! all the fics I post is because they bring me joy and I love writing them, so I don't think I have a favourite.

tagging @yukierres @duquesademiel @golden-fairylights @chaesonghwas and @hrhgeorgerussell 💕💕

[voidpunkanathema]

jasper

Why I like them: He turned out to be a much more complicated character than he seemed to be on the surface. It took me until his literal last scene in the game to realize this but damn if that scene didn't paint all of his actions in a new light. Like yeah he's still a bastard but you saw WHY he became the way he did. How easily it all could have been avoided. How he and Hendrik deserved the chance to move past the lies that poisoned their relationship without him having to be a ghost living in his armor. It hurt in a weird way. He became my first true character hyperfixation and honestly opened my mind to engaging with fiction in a whole new way. No one deserves to be painted in the Crying Lucifer Painting pose more than him lol 

Why I don’t: I will forever have a chip in my shoulder that he didn't get a redemption arc, sorrynotsorry. Even Party Chat tries to desperately downplay the significance of the armor scene if you check it on the now-memorial balcony. On a lighter note the fact I missed 99.9% of the Piers fandom is entirely his fault because I was too busy hyperfixating on him lol. Also, the classism. The classism is bad, mkay? :P

Favorite line: His melodramatic evil speech in the throne room where he lists love first as something he's given up on is hard to beat. Also his final line in the game being "we will never be apart again'...yeah 🥲😭

Favorite outfit: The evil queen ensemble. It's so...very.  Exactly the sort of thing a raging disaster gay that designs his own outfits (according to the character book) that's devoted himself to eeevil would wear. 

OTP: He literally only makes sense as a character if you assume he was extremely, painfully gay for Hendrik and sublimating it in a WEIRD way. And Hendrik certainly showed enough signs of feeling the same way (the way he clutches his necklace to his chest after his death in the first timeline...) Mordegon and Heliodor's toxic monarchy just got in the way... 

Brotp: Jade was apparently just as close to him as she was to Hendrik but the game NEVER EXPLORES THIS AT ALL. Also I think he and Sylvando could have been absolute terrors together lol. And I've always liked the headcanons where he and Mia bond over their shared pain and rage at their (perceived) abandonment. 

Head Canon: Quite a few, so I'll just share one that he wrote the MOST emo poetry as a pining teen, something he will never admit to on pain of death as an adult. I'll also bring up the fact he's successfully taken over the world but still paying for cake as proof he's not as happy as he thought he'd be and eating his feelings about it in Act 2 lol

Unpopular opinion: No one reads deeply enough into him, everyone takes the bullshit he tells himself at face value even when he directly contradicts himself *eyetwitch* I often suspected I was literally the only person right about him lol. Also, the Gay Armor Marriage was incredibly touching, but not enough. He shouldn't have died at all. Also while I've read Jasper/Sylvando fic and enjoyed it before I don't really ship him or Hendrik with Sylv myself which kinda feels like a minority take in this fandom 

A wish: At this point I can only hope he gets the Psaro treatment where his death is avoided entirely when the game is rereleased in like 25 years 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: I honestly don't want Square to revisit him, they treated him so harshly compared to other villains of the same caliber that pretty much got away with everything so yeah, just leave the angry wet cat man alone guys...

5 words to best describe them: Poor little meow meow supreme 💛

My nickname for them: Bastard son, the Purple Titty Monster (for Unbound obviously)

[anti-bright-places]

MORE TAG GAMES WOOO. Thank you @aquaflora17 for the tag <3 (I always forget that it's you with this username haha and then it takes me a few seconds to remember why it's vaguely familiar, but also not lol) 1. Three ships Now I wouldn't be in my Gwen era if to this I didn't say

Larissa Weems/ Reader

Miranda Hilmarson/ Reader

Lucifer Morningstar (the Sandman)/ Reader

2. First ever ship

So technically my first ever ship was a straight Teacher Student ship from a German tv soap. But even tho I read and wrote fanfic for that one when I was like 13 I didn't really know that fandom and fanfics were a thing outside of the show.

And then the first ship I ever shipped outsided of it and that I read fics on an actual fanfiction website was snamione (before I swiftly changed to snarry, bc while teacher student was a must for teenage me (I was in love with like half of my teachers, my parents raised me so well lmao) I got bored of the straightness real quick lmao)

3. Last song

The last song that played on shuffle was The 11th Doctor's main theme (what a nerd) And the last song I added to my playlist was Slumber Party by Ashnikko (a gay nerd)

4. Last movie

Causeway. Literally just finished it and HOLY FUCK. It was u n c o m f o r t a b l e. Really needs a straight men tw that.

5. Currently reading

Apart from fanfics where I am subscribed to too many WIPs atm, I'm also reading Snow Globe by Georgia Beers.

6. Currently watching

Uhhmm... I don't have a show I am currently watching. I am trying to watch a lot of the oscar nominated movies tho before the ceremony next month. Just so that once I can actually give educated guesses. (at the moment I am thinking that Everything Everywhere All at One will either win best actress with Michelle Yeoh (although I think that'll go to Cate Blanchett) or Best Picture.) Then I guess I am watching Gwen's Version of Midsummer Night's Dream... That I started last month and don't have the energy to actually watch lol

7. Currently consuming

I just had tater tots and I have some water next to me.

8. Currently craving

Something chocolatey and a burger

I'm tagging everyone who wants to do this :)

[casimania]

It feels so weird to see a lot of Douchifer and some Lucella, Piercifer and Dan/Lucifer/Ella fics with like, tons of Chloe bashing with her either being disproportionately punished or acting all over the place so she can get removed from the story becuase she's too bad. Or Deckerstar were Dan is suddenly a super bad dad just to get some Trixie and Lucifer bonding and to get him 100% replaced by Lucifer as the only or main father figure in Trixie's life. The one I can sort of get behind is Pierce suddenly being over the top Bad cause he's technically supposed to be the season's villain, like make it all more high stakes I guess. Even if the point wasn't "Chloe leaves Marcus because he was mean to her or Trixie or suddenly revealed himself as super Evil or Trixie or Penelope don't like him as much as Lucifer" but that when she finds herself between two men she has feelings for, and one is Pierce who hurt her but is trying to make it up in the usual normal way she craves and makes her feel wanted which she also craves vs Lucifer seemingly being all over the place and with unclear feelings with her and makes her feel unsteady and unsure, she has a moment of clarity where she goes "I can't marry a man just because I want some stability, I love Lucifer and want to be with him and work through our issues deep down, and even if that wasn't the case it's not an excuse to marry a man I don't know well and don't have the right feelings for". That was the tragedy in what was happening, Chloe was walking into a mistake for very human reasons that happen all the time irl and are sometimes obvious from the outside but ppl going through them don't see it (and Chloe came from dealing with Dan and Lucifer who, as much as I love them, fucked her over a lot. It makes one cling to the wrong things). It was actually something I liked, seeing her involved with someone who first manipulated their relationship for his gains, and then convinced himself he truly loved her and acted exactly in the way she though she needed and wanted... But in the end she faced her true feelings and set her foot down and siad "No". I would have loved it both as a "No, I love Lucifer more" and as a "No, regardless of my feelings for Lucifer, I don't love you enough for this". Like yes you go, finally Chloe taking a little of control this season.

... Ok I went off topic a little but basically it always baffles me to see fics where they just treat in weird ways people who come or could come between the main ship in the fic. I usually notice immediately in fandoms when it's a trend, but when I first dived into Lucifer fics I basically lived in Chloe/Dan/Lucifer town which was very positive and nice and then through them found people who liked different combinations and wrote about them and didn't pull weird things with characters. It's usually one of the first things I find and try to avoid in fics with new fandoms, m/m ship were the possible female love interest being suddenly an unpleasant harpy or f/m ship were the other possible make love interest is suddenly a jealous asshole or almost abusive (this happens a little less, probs cause a lot of ppl fantasize being fought over by two handsome and wonderful men who treat you well but deep down you only love one??) and stuff like that.

I don't mind it hugely and will never bring it up with a writer because it's their fic but dang sometimes you like more than one character and want to see a fic where their behavior isn't off jsut because of a ship. And I get that some people write both of those scenarios they have complicated feelings over how the characters act in a show and want to explore it but it still weird to see. You know like, these two people are together because of their love and meshing well together and caring for each other, not because the other options where horrible people or bad at sex or uglier 🤷🏻

[phoukanamedpookie]

Why do cis white men get to have all the fun?

@idreamtofmanderleyagain and I were chatting recently about how, within the past 5 or 10 years, so much of fandom discourse around fictional characters is filtered through whether their actions, thoughts, feelings, and attitudes are morally justified or not.

And, being someone who pays attention to these things, it hasn’t escaped my notice that this type of discourse is very pronounced with characters who are women and girls, people of color, and/or LGBT (or coded as such).

Meanwhile, there are entire shows centered on cishet(-ish) white dudes who do things that are morally reprehensible: Tony Soprano in the mafia, Walter White running a drug empire, Dexter being a serial killer, Hannibal Lecter eating people, everyone on Game of Thrones not named Jon Snow, and so on. Hell (Ha, see what I did there?), Lucifer’s protagonist is the literal goddamn Devil.

Yet, there doesn’t seem to be all this energy directed at expressing approval or disapproval of their actions or toward ships involving these characters. Instead, people seem to understand that such stories exist to explore aspects of humanity that don't get much focus because it's not safe or socially acceptable.

How does a high school chemistry teacher become a drug czar? What happens when a mob boss goes to therapy? What happens when Satan falls in love with a human? These are some fascinating questions, things I know I’m interested in exploring via stories because it’s safer than seeking them out in real life.

And the thing is I want to dive deep into these questions with characters other than white men. I want to unpack and examine the circumstances that lead to the choices these characters make, the directions their arcs can go in, and how their relationships can play out. But outside of a few dedicated spaces, there aren’t many places where fans are free to explore these kinds of questions because everything circles back to whether people (should) approve or disapprove of this character or that ship.

And it’s frustrating because if you do talk about these things openly, you’ll get a lot of people trying to debate you as though you’re trying to justify harmful behavior or toxic relationships rather than trying to understand what leads to them.

Once again, it’s that puritanical streak that shows up in fandom where we’re just supposed to accept that characters do harmful things because they’re bad rather than examining the circumstances behind their choices. Or we’re just supposed to accept that a ship is always and forever toxic as though people and relationships are set in stone from day one.

(BTW, this puritanical mindset carries over to real life too.)

Speaking for myself, I’m not interested in static characters or static relationships. I’m interested in characters who do things I can’t or won’t do in everyday life, who walk in the twilight of morality, who contain fascinating contradictions. (I was and am taken aback by how much I love Wonder Woman because she’s not usually the sort of character I go for.)

As a diehard enthusiast of the Demon Lover trope, I’m intrigued by ships that are mysterious, passionate, and a little bit dangerous or scary. As a lesbian, a femslash shipper, and a huge romantic, I live for the profoundly transformative power of sapphic love. I’m not interested in whether a ship would be healthy or ideal in the real world. I want to explore what a ship uncovers about each character involved. I want to know how the ship could change them.

So what gives, fandom? Why does it seem so difficult to make space for this?

[twiceasfrustrating]

Absolutely Nothing

I said I wouldn't post my new fic until after SWBQ is done, but I want to begin posting it before S4 drops. It won't update consistently atm, but it's there... I will only be posting the first two chapters to Tumblr. Everything else is going on AO3 because Tumblr is not longfic friendly.

Rating: Teen and Up

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Category: Gen

Fandom: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!

Characters: Main Character, Lucifer, Mammon, Leviathan, Satan, Asmodeus, Beelzebub, Belphegor, Diavolo, Barbatos, Simeon, Luke, Solomon, Michael, Raphael, Uriel, Original Angel Character(s)

Additional Tags: Other Additional Tags to Be Added, War, Trauma, Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Canon is like a vampire, it can't enter this house unless I let it, Emotional Baggage, Lies, Manipulation, Ships not intended but I'm not stopping you

Summary: War is not unknown to the three realms, but that does not make them any less a tragedy of strategy. Though relations between the three have never been favorable, they have never truly gone to battle with each other. At least, not until now. The heavens have been planning for a long time and have finally decided to execute their machinations. Now it is time to see how every piece will play out this bloody battle.

A/N: These tags are for the overarching fic, not the first two chapters. Only Lucifer, Simeon, Micheal, and Gabriel show up in the first two chapters.

Chapter 1: I Will Not Go With You

“We’re heading for a war,” Lucifer warned, “and I want you to come with me.”

Simeon solemnly blinked a few times before closing his eyes. The weight of the choices laid before him pricked at the edges of his mind. He’d known this was coming. He’d known for a long time that this question would eventually be asked of him and for just as long he’d known what his answer would be, “I must decline.”

“Why?” Lucifer spat out, “Simeon, you have to know what’s about to happen. If we don’t fight then Lilith-”

“I am not stopping you from this rebellion.” He opened his eyes and looked to the pages stacked neatly in the corner of his desk, carefully flipping through the avalanche of writings he’d collected over the years. Somewhere, buried deep in the pile, he vaguely recalled his moment; where his brother would ask him to do the impossible. He’d hidden it away from prying eyes, afraid that others would find it and interpret it as he had. Though, even if they had read it and understood what the contents were, it was nigh impossible to change the events that were foretold.

He pulled the page from the pile, taking care so the others above it would not collapse onto the delicately inlaid wood of his desk, and perused the contents held within. The paper was so old that it had begun to grow fragile to the touch and discolor at the edges. Simeon desperately wished that time had chosen not to show its touch on this particular relic he would rather have forgotten about. It was frightening how long he’d known about this day and he would rather pretend he was shocked when Lucifer had come to him. Sometimes, having a glimpse into what would eventually be was a cruel reality.

That brother, who would come in need of his fellow, will find no quarter. So shall he return with hands left empty, but convictions emboldened by the forge of his stature. He shall take with him those who share his resolve and lead them to where metal sings and cries. Blood shall be shed but on one side, though the cost of the blood spilled shall

It was an old, short paragraph he wished he could forget. Though he could never truly put it out of his mind, because he knew it was left unfinished and his mind and pen longed to see the end of the story. However, his heart and will would prefer not to know every detail of this particular future. For so long, he’d clung to that final shall and hoped that not knowing the entirety of the story would somehow keep it from unfolding. However, his pen only put the stories to page. He was not responsible for the events that inspired him to write.

“You will have to make do with those who are already on your side. No one else will turn their back on Father for your cause.” It was the only warning he could give. In those words he hid the message that Lucifer should tell no one else. If war was approaching, then it was better he have the element of surprise.

Lucifer could only stare at him in disbelief, “Is that your answer?”

“It always was.” He placed the paper face down atop the pile, “I cannot aid you in this, Lucifer.”

“Then you would fight against me? You would condemn Lilith in the same way as our Father?” His voice shook, the rage building inside of him clearly beginning to boil over even as he tried to contain it.

“I will not betray my family.” Simeon’s face remained unchanged as he pushed his chair away from the desk and rose to his feet. Despite the malicious aura that began to circle around his fellow Seraphim, he approached with an unguarded stance until they were only an arm’s reach away from one another. No matter how upset Lucifer may become, Simeon would not fear him. Though, he did fear *for* him, “You and she are still of my kind and that means I will not meet you on the battlefield.”

Lucifer’s eyes widened at the declaration. This time, it was his turn to fear for the other, “You can’t stay out of this. You know they won’t allow you.” If he did try to remain on the sidelines, Simeon would still be seen as a traitor. Not in the same vein as him and his siblings, but a traitor nonetheless, “I won’t ask you to fight if you really refuse to lift your blade, but you can’t stay here.”

“As much as you and Lilith are my family, so are Micheal, Raphael, Uriel, and Gabriel. I cannot leave them.”

“Simeon…”

Simeon’s lips pulled back into a smile and he let out the shortest of laughs, “You worry far too much, Lucy. You are aware that I am still a Seraphim, are you not? Even if I do not step onto the battlefield, I do not believe I am in nearly as much danger as you are putting yourself in.” He wanted to reach out and touch his brother one last time as the fear of the unknown overtook him, but he kept his hand within his own space. He did not know what would happen at the end of all of this, but he knew it would not be the same and reaching out to hold onto what they had would only pain them both.

Lucifer looked over the other angel’s shoulder, toward the pile of papers where Simeon had placed one face down. Countless writings that revealed the future to their author and Lucifer did not envy that gift. Others often wished to know what would be, but he had seen far too many times the burden placed on Simeon for having such a skill; the amount of times he had been made to see both grace and tragedy was carved on his face, just behind that smile. That is why, despite knowing that whatever was on that page was related to this very discussion and his ultimate goal, he would not pry. It was not as if knowing the future allowed it to be changed anyway.

“We’ll still be on opposing sides, you know?” No matter how much Simeon proclaimed not to betray his family, that was an unavoidable truth.

He nodded, “I am aware.”

“And you refuse to go against your family?”

This time his confirmation was wordless.

Lucifer took in a deep breath, “Then once the battle begins, I believe we can hardly be considered family anymore.”

Large blue eyes shot up to look at his pale face. It seemed that Lucifer had said something Simeon hadn’t expected, “What?”

“You will not betray your family, but you know they will not allow you to remain neutral in this. As soon as the drums of war beat, it is fine to stop thinking of me as your brother.”

There was a long moment of silence before Simeon could reply, “You cannot ask me that.”

“I am not asking. I am stating a truth,” one that would hopefully allow Simeon a way to follow his morals and gain some leniency if he continued to insist on this path, “I refuse to be your brother from that moment on.”

“Please... you cannot ask that of me.”

“I am not asking anything of you. I am simply stating where we will stand.” And now he needed to leave before the hurt welling in Simeon’s eyes tugged at his heart anymore and shattered his resolve.

He dipped his head in a polite bow, “Thank you for your time, Simeon. I do hope we may speak like this again.” He turned on his heels, refusing to truly look at the other angel again. His only goal was the door, where he opened it wide and stepped through the threshold.

“Lucifer! Wait!”

It took far more will than Lucifer would ever care to admit as he shut the door behind him without saying another word, and even more to walk away.

-----------------------

Chapter 2: Traitor

“How long have you known?” Micheal nearly growled as he stared down Simeon where he kneeled. His pale blue eyes ran wild with rage and it was clear he was just barely holding himself together. That was to be expected after everything he had just been through. Lucifer was unapologetically his favorite brother so it was unimaginable the distress he was in right now as he came to terms with having lost a member of his family. They had been like two halves of a whole, and now they were fractured.

“How long have I known what?” Simeon asked, feigning ignorance.

“That Lucifer would lead a rebellion against Father!” Micheal’s voice raised so loud that the room literally shook around him.

“Calm yourself, Micheal,” a melodious voice shushed him and lithe hands rested on his shoulders to hold him steady, “We’ve lost enough of our siblings today. There is no reason to lose yourself and risk losing another.”

“You would call him our brother after that disgraceful scene, Gabriel?” The disgust in his voice was clear and overwhelming, “He knew this would happen and refused to warn us or lift a finger. Everything we lost today is because of him.” Simeon had to know about today. He was blessed with the gift of prophecy and spent his time writing what was to come. If he had simply shared whatever he knew about today, Micheal knows they could have prevented the rebellion. He knows that he could have convinced Lucifer to stay somehow. Instead, he was left to face his own brother on the battlefield. He could still recall the cold eyes Lucifer had looked at him with as if they barely knew one another. That sight would never leave the darkest parts of his mind.

“You are blinded by your pain, Micheal.” She removed her hand from his shoulders and moved to stand over Simeon, “He is clearly as much our brother as ever. If he were against us he would have joined Lucifer, but Father has deemed that he is still worthy of his halo. Is that not enough for you?”

Micheal chuckled darkly before answering, “Uriel nearly lost an arm and he’s one of the lucky ones.” Even with so few numbers on their side, the rebellion had a gifted Dominion that made the most of their small force.

“And everyone harmed will heal, but we gain nothing in dividing ourselves further, and our brother has already been punished for his transgressions.” She took a knee before Simeon, reaching out her hand and running her fingers through his silken hair, “Will you not put our brother’s worries at ease, Simeon?”

Simeon knew the threat in those words. As kind as Gabriel pretended to be, she was someone he feared far more than Micheal. Not because she was stronger, but because she knew exactly how to most hurt those who upset her. As such, he had no interest in declining her wish, even if what she was asking for was for him to show his shame.

He took a deep breath before unfurling his wings behind him. They shimmered golden in the neverending light of the Celestial Realm, a blessing bestowed upon him by their Father that reflected his very essence. Every angel had such a blessing; different colors, shapes, a range of sizes, and lays of their feathers all differed from angel to angel all dependent on their Father’s grace. That included how high in their Father’s favor they were, and it was obvious at a glance just how out of favor Simeon had fallen. His six beautiful wings, the blessing afforded to all Seraphim, had been reduced to a simple two.

Gabriel’s eyes filled with pity for him but Micheal’s face twisted in glee and disdain, “Is that all? You betray us and all Father does is reduce your rank.” The laugh that left his throat was so dry that it sounded like it hurt, “You must really be beloved to get off with such a light sentence.” If it was up to Micheal himself, Simeon would face the same punishment as Lilith.

“Still your anger, Micheal. As you can see, Father has spoken.” She raised to her feet once more, her nails pulling painfully at Simeon’s hair as she stepped away from him, “Simeon is still of our kind and as one of our subordinates it is our duty to shepherd him.”

A wicked smile crossed Micheal’s face as he continued to look down on Simeon and his now unsightly form that marked his betrayal, “You may be correct, Gabriel. It is only right that we guide lost sheep, especially those of our own flock.”

[aahsokaatano]

King I would love that essay about Changing Channels

Fjdjshjdhdjd thanks for reading my tags Jesse you're the real VIP here.

Okay SO "Changing Channels" is the 8th episode of the 5th season of Supernatural. I give this information bc it's important in looking at the context of the episode - now I've complained a LOT about how SPN is terrible at giving us canonical timeframes within the episodes (y'all i was SHOCKED to discover the first season is supposed to cover a little over a year's worth of time, I thought it was like... 4 or 5 months) so I can't say for sure how long before and after the other episodes happen in-universe around "Changing Channels" BUT

The episode before is "The Curious Case of Dean Winchester" where Dean and Bobby bet years of their lives in a game of poker with a witch. The episode after is "The Real Ghostbusters" where Sam and Dean end up at a fan convention for the in-universe Supernatural novels.

Why am I pointing this out? Because it's important, please, no audience participation, this is like a Brian David Gilbert panel.

[under a cut bc this got...... STUPID long. Who knew I still had this many opinions about SPN in 2020?]

Okay first of all I wanna talk about the cinnamon topography of this episode - I love the way the first 5 seasons are shot because you really feel the americana gothic horror aesthetic they were going for (I have a whole ‘nother rant about the first 5 seasons vs the last 10 but thats for another time). Everything is a little washed out and grey-toned, the camera angles generally serve to make Sam and Dean appear even taller than they actually are (larger than life - again, another post for another time), and there’s honestly a LOT of shots from the ‘monster’s’ perspective, which is really neat! I’ve said it before (on another blog - YES i have a dedicated spn rant blog, don’t @ me hdjfhfjfh) but the episode that really got me hooked on spn back in the day was the second one, about the w*ndigo. Yes, it’s a racist, culturally appropriating shitstorm, but the way its SHOT is fantastic. I’m honestly not a horror fan, but that episode could have easily relied on jumpscares and they DIDN’T and it was scary as all fucking hell and just - fuck okay getting off topic. 

In “Changing Channels” we get that distinctive grey-washed tone in the beginning and the very end of the episode, but the middle? When they’re in TV Land? Everything is bright. Almost comically so, I mean - okay look at these two shots of Sam (apologies about the crappy phone pics, netflix won't let me screenshot)

This one is from the start of the episode, in the "real" police station

And this is from a little later in the "TV" hospital

Ignoring that my phone is washing him out a lot in both pics, you can still see the warmer tones in the hospital shot as compared to the cold greyness in the police station one

Okay, now look at this picture

Dean inside the Impala, and those warm tones are back. Why? Because even though Sam and Dean believe that they’re back in the “real” world, they aren’t - so instead of the grey-washed shots that we’re used to, its the bright and warm shots that we see in “TV Land”! So the viewers pick up, even if its just subconsciously, that the boys aren’t out of the woods yet - everything is still too bright to be the in-universe reality we’ve come to expect from SPN by season 5

Which is also why i love this shift so much

These shots are literally SECONDS apart. The first is in "TV Land" and the second is in the "real" world. I have some red strip lights behind my bed, which are reflecting off my laptop screen - notice how much brighter they seem in the second picture? That’s because literally all of the warm colors have been drained out of the shot. As soon as Gabriel snaps them all back into “reality,” things get so much colder.

Okay, so the second thing I want to talk about is some of the very pointed dialogue choices within the “shows” the Winchesters take part in. Not between Sam and Dan and Gabriel, but from the, for lack of a better term, NPCs within the shows.

In the hospital, Dr. Piccolo tells Sam that he is “the finest cerebrovascular neurosurgeon I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your table; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.” Standard cheesy soap opera dialogue - but lemme just swap some words here and - 

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So that girl died on your hunt; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault. Sometimes people just die.”

Or even - 

“You are the finest hunter I have ever met - and I have met plenty! So Jessica and Mary died above you; it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault [but Azazel’s]. Sometimes people just die.”

Keeping in mind that the NPCs are basically Gabriel’s mouthpieces, its easy to see why so many people ship Sabriel. I’d actually love to see a fic that explores them talking about this moment in particular later on and the kind of gentle forgiveness that Gabriel can give Sam... getting off topic again.

In an abrupt about-face, the herpes commercial (much meme’d within the fandom) is straight up Gabriel shaming Sam. Because if you replace “genital herpes” with “demon blood” it’s.... dark. And very intentional.

So that’s what I did! (I combined all spoken lines to make the message easier to read, rather than splitting them up across 3 speakers as in the episode)

“I’ve drank demon blood. I tried to be responsible... did I try. But now, after being forcibly detoxed, I fight my addiction every day to reduce the chances of passing back into that toxic mindset. Ask your loved ones about a demon blood intervention today. [...] I am doing all I can to slightly lessen the chance of drinking demon blood again. And that’s a good thing.”

Like... the subtext throughout this episode sure is. Something.

Okay this is getting ridiculously long so I wanna wrap up by talking about The Best Scene In The Whole Goddamn Show

I’m talking, of course, about Gabriel’s Confession

“Max,” you might be saying, “there are so many better scenes out there, even within the first five seasons!” and to that i say, again, no audience participation, please. Also, you’re WRONG and here’s why!

Gabriel’s confession hits every goddamn emotional chord that the fandom begged for on this show - fear, rage, grief, pain, guilt, and even, yes, absolution. 

Okay, here’s the scene again for those of you who don’t think about it at least once a week like me

Now this video is missing some of the conversation, but most of it is there, enough for you to see what I’m talking about. Gabriel up to this point has been, essentially, a nameless antagonist - this is the third episode he appeared in, and before this, we didn’t even know he was going by Loki. He was just referred to as ‘The Trickster’. But here, not only do we get a name (a real name at that), but we also get a glimpse of his backstory and a hell of a lot of character development in less than 5 minutes. I mean, Sam didn’t get this much character development throughout the entirety of season 1! There’s a good reason Gabriel has been a fan-favorite for a very long time, and I think a big part of it is this particular scene.

Because here, we get to see Gabriel being vulnerable. And we even see Dean show a little vulnerability, as he can empathize being the third party to explosive arguments between the two people who mean everything to him.

I mean... okay, it will never see the light of day, but I wrote a little bit of a Reverse ‘Verse fic (because I’m a sucker for Reverse ‘Verse) and this was the scene I started with. Not s1e1, not even the resurrection in s4e1, but this scene. Because this scene, more than any other, is critical to the way not only Gabriel’s (first) arc plays out, but also to how Sam and Dean conduct themselves for the rest of the season (and maybe a bit beyond, it’s been a hot minute since I watched s6 and later). Dean is angry but determined, he has a point to make, he is going to save Sammy and if he can’t do that, then he’s going to damn well die trying. But Sam... it’s after this episode that we start really seeing how bone-achingly tired Sam is. It’s after this conversation - where one of the other archangels, one of the few beings who can truly understand how powerful Michael and Lucifer are - says that there’s no other way around this that Sam seems to start inching towards giving in. Saying yes.

Sure, in the actual episode, he seems outraged by the idea, practically scoffs at it - “you want us to say yes to those sons of bitches?” - but it’s after this where Sam really seems run down.

I mean, look at the episodes before and after (HAH you thought I forgot about that first point I made at the very beginning of this post! I did, briefly, but I’ve circled back to it, thanks for being understanding). In “The Curious Case of Dean Winchester,” Sam behaves much as he did since the start of s4, which is to say, ‘annoying little know-it-all brother tossed into the middle of the apocalypse and just trying his best’ and it works well for the mad scramble for any scrap of information that’s happening in s4/early s5.

But in “The Real Ghostbusters” it’s different. This is another funny meta episode - except, while Sam and Dean are technically aware of the joke, they aren’t as amused by it as the audience is. And it’s not because of the ghosts. It’s because they’re just... done. Especially Sam. Dean has that nice little moment with the cosplayers at the end of the episode, but Sam... threatens to shoot Chuck. Sam ‘goes darkside’ more often than pretty much any other character in the show, but that moment is different. It’s a flat promise, not a threat. He’s not being an asshole, like he is after losing his soul. He’s just... done. And it’s obvious to see.

Gabriel’s confession is the turning point for Sam in s5, and it informs a lot of his behavior through the rest of s5, and possibly beyond! Like I said, I haven’t watched past s5 in a very long time, so I don’t feel confident enough to analyze that specific sort of character line, but I feel confident in saying that hearing one of the most powerful beings in the universe basically say “it doesn’t matter what you do - your destiny is unavoidable” and then he’s proven right (Sam says yes to Lucifer, and Dean eventually does say yes to Michael down the line!)... like, that’s really gotta fuck up your world view that was built on free will and throwing off the shackles of fate. Sam managed to avoid his ‘destiny’ in s2... but then it turns out that that wasn’t ever his destiny. Lucifer was his destiny.

Talk about an obscured view of the inner self.

[cinematicnomad]

1, 7, 25 for the fanfic end of year ask :)

001. favorite fic you wrote this year i have a soft spot for take my hand (take my everything) which was the first fic i wrote this year! and kind of the first step back into writing creatively on something new that wasn’t the 7 year monster sterek fic. also my first foray into 9-1-1 fic and was just a lot of fun! 

007. longest completed fic you wrote this year the longest fic i wrote was my second for the year! so show me (family) wound up being around 16k+ for 9-1-1 which kind of burst out of me over the course of one 48 hour window unlike take my hand which took a few weeks to crank out. 

025. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read SO MANY FICS DUDE!!! i’m gonna rec a couple, some that i re-read this year and some that i discovered for the first time, all from a variety of fandoms. BUT heads up, you didn’t specify a fandom so it’s gonna be a little scattered. also someone else sent me this same question but specified 9-1-1, so i’m gonna reserve those recs for that ask. GET READY!!

and this, your living kiss by opal_bullets (7/7 | 84k+ | M) destiel; AU: college/university; john winchester’s A+ parenting; angst with a happy ending

only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet jack allen is just kansas mechanic dean winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen.

until, that is, a string of coincidences leads dean to auditing a poetry course with one dr. castiel novak. the professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia’s foremost expert on the poetry of jack allen.

note: i discovered this fic back in the pre-pandemic times of feb 2020 and i’ve read this fic TWICE since, leaving a lengthy comment each time. the poetry in the fic itself is stunningly gorgeous and i have a habit of reading it out loud to myself while reading bc it begs to be heard. this fic is seriously beautiful and makes me want to read all the poet!dean au’s out there in the world. unfortunately there aren’t that many so i just keep coming back to this well. i don’t think i can express enough how much i love this fic. 

lost time by ARCurren (105/105 | 350k+ | T)  bransonxsybil; AU: canon divergent; outsider POVs; original characters; slow burn

the story of a free spirit who was asked to give up the man she loved for a system she didn’t believe in and what happened next. AU after 3.04. 

note: did i think, when i stumbled across this fic years ago, that it would wind up being one of my all time favorites that i return to time and again to re-read? never. did i re-read it for like the dozenth time this year?? 110%. this fic is everything i want from fanfiction—it’s beautifully written, expands on canon, and shows me all the hidden moments the cameras never did (not to mention it’s historically accurate and delves deep into irish politics of the time). the first third or so of this fic is all about tom and sybil’s slow burn romance at downton, but the fic really bursts into its own when we follow the two to dublin and get introduced to all of the author’s deliciously detailed oc’s. heads up warning: this fic was never officially completed, though the final chapter is a beautifully written summary of the final arc of the fic. even so, it’s fucking worth it. 

misfire by mothlights & unpossible (6/6 | 28k+ | T) sterek; time travel; angst with a happy ending; alive hale family; magic; alternating POV

“the debt must be repaid,” she says, and it has the weight of a vow. the words resonate through him, ringing through his ribcage and the bones of his jaw, and stiles loses his breath and maybe his grip on reality because she draws herself upright and where there had once stood a supermodel-level MILK now there is galadriel’s much hotter older sister, a presence of unmistakable power in their ordinary, smells-vaguely-of-thai-takeout hallway. 

“oh shit,” stiles says. 

note: this fic is the first in the misfire ‘verse and i need you to understand that it literally broke me when i binge read these fics a month or so ago. i am a sucker for a solid time travel fic especially bc there are such few good ones in fandom. but this gets at the heart of it all by exploring the idea of stiles getting the chance to save derek’s family and taking it...after he and derek are romantically together in his true timeline and then actually dealing with the ramifications of how that alters everything and how stiles survives in this new present where he and derek are virtual strangers. everyone should definitely read this, but you should also know that i fucking sobbed while reading the sequel (which also has a happy ending, but really digs deep into the nitty gritty angst of the repercussions). 

map of the world by seperis (11/11 | 154k+ | M)  destiel; end!verse; alternate universe; canon divergent; original characters; slow burn

the world’s already over and they’re already dead. all they’re doing now is marking time until the end. 

note: look, if you don’t know about down to agincourt by @seperis, what are you doing with your life?? the series is over 1M+ words so far, the fic author is on book 4 out of a planned 8, and it’s fucking phenomenal. i know i’ve tagged a couple of these recs as slow burn but...this is the slowest slow burn to ever burn. canon!dean travels back into the end!verse timeline just as lucifer kills dean and somehow cas made it out alive and has to keep dean safe while he learns to become his end!verse counterpoint. the world building in this series is intense and i cannot recommend it enough. i’m still in the midst of my re-read bc it’s SUCH an endeavor but i highly recommend it to everybody. 

invictus by ellanasan (116/116 | 355+ | M) hayffie; au: alive abernathy family; pre-hunger games; canon prostitution; slow burn

“so then, before i can even think about doing something stupid like trying to stab him with his fucking golden paperknife, he gives me a choice, see?” haymitch continued, almost detached. “either i play nice like all the other victors or he’ll kill my family. i could either become his puppet—greatest punishment he could give me, according to him—or i could become the example.”

AU in which haymitch’s family lives.

note: hello, have you ever wondered what the hunger games series would be like if haymitch’s family were alive? i fucking hadn’t until 2 years ago when i stumbled across this fic and fell head over heels in love with this ship. @ellanainthetardis is my go to hunger games fic writer for anything exploring canon and i’m obsessed with anything she writes about the OG victors pre-canon (finnick, joanna, chaff, etc). this fic is just 300k+ exploring that world and all the intricate details of how cruel the games could really be. HIGHLY recommend. i definitely re-read it this fall when i needed a pick me up.

don’t know what i’m supposed to do (haunted by the ghost of you) by crazyassmurdererwall (1/1 | 30k+ | T) sterek; canon divergent; angst with a happy ending; ghosts; stiles POV

stiles sees dead people. yep. seriously.

(he’s got this. he’s totally got this. so what if one of them is derek’s mom?)

note: did you know that @crazyassmurdererwall is one of my all time favorite people? and that she’s wicked talented? and that in our spare time she’ll send me a billion fic ideas that are amazing and i get to hear all the intricate details of her plot bunnies? but i digress. this fic is one of my all time fave sterek fics i’ve re-read it sooo many times. there’s just something about the heartache and stiles’ insecurity and the way he tries to shoulder it all on his own. and then there’s alli’s brilliant writing, the way she weaves through a scene and paints a picture just so and manages to tug at your heart strings with her precise word choice. there’s some amazing world building in this fic as it explores this other facet of the supernatural that canon teen wolf never touched upon, and i’m so grateful for that bc alli is the only one who should be allowed to write about ghosts and teen wolf together. 

lagavulin and guinness by snarfle (10/10 | 163k+ | explicit) hartwin; slow burn; PTSD; suicidal thoughts; graphic depictions of violence; domestic abuse

plenty of people had looked down on eggsy throughout his life. he had gotten fairly used to it. didn’t mean it was fair, but he knew how these things worked. what really sucked was that the new arthur was worse than the old one.

“eggsy grimaced. he didn’t know how to explain to harry—who seemed like he hadn’t been discriminated against a day in his life—that the new arthur kept giving him what amounted to suicide missions, and that he was currently bleeding out in a warehouse because of the deliberately bad intel she had given him.”

also featuring: dean is harder to get rid of than eggsy thought, his mum is going off the deep end, there are way too many nefarious plots in play, and eggsy is really beginning to wish that harry would stop holding his hand and kiss him instead.

note: look, i know i recced this literally less than a week ago but i ALSO stayed up til 5AM re-reading this last night and it was a-m-a-z-i-n-g. i was on a bit of a kingsman kick earlier this year, so i’ve actually re-read this fic TWICE so far in 2020. i will give you a serious warning in that this fic delves deep into domestic abuse through the lens of a variety of different relationships. it also explores the potential for abuse in hartwin, bc this fic is one of the few that actually commits to the fact that they’re literal spies who murder people. actively. a lot. but seriously, this fic is one of my fave in the fandom and i STRONGLY recommend it. 

waste of breath by bryrosea (1/1 | 22k+ | M) loganxveronica; canon compliant; missing scenes; navy; past child abuse

logan echolls, the nine years, and the navy.

note: bryrosea has an obscene number of amazing logan and veronica fics (her canon divergent series stay with me is another i re-read this year), but i’ve found myself returning to this fic a lot over the years. i’m a sucker for canon compliant fics that explore the missing scenes in between canon and this fic hits all the right buttons by diving deep into how logan echolls went from being a trash fire at hearst college at the end of s3 to being a decorated navy pilot by the movie. it explores logan seeking out therapy and making a life for himself that he can be proud of, all while pining after the girl who got away. and bc this author is amazing, she followed it up with a sequel from veronica’s point of view in the series done by only me. 

the law of equivalent exchange by awed_frog (8/8 | 60k+ | M) destiel; POV castiel; pre-canon; post-canon; canon compliant; immortality; reincarnation

“and what’s the point of it?”

“of love? there isn’t one. loving is its own purpose.” 

note: i mean??? i don’t really know what to say except that this is one of the truly most beautiful fics i have ever read. it follows castiel through time as he meets different reincarnations of sam and dean across history and falls ever more deeply in love. it is achingly tender and so ecstatically written that i die just thinking about it. and that summary? i mean. holy fuck break my heart why don’t you? i don’t know how i missed out on this fic for so long since it was published in 2015 but i only learned about it for the first time back in july and it was. life changing?? when the fic finally reaches the canon timeline and he meets THIS dean it’s peak yearning. 10/10 will read again.

ahead in the count by elisela (17/17 | 50k+ | E) sterek; AU: sports; pitcher!stiles; teacher!derek; long distance relationship; getting together

“yankee fan,” derek says, laughing when stiles makes a disgusted face. “the bronx bombers, stiles, you can’t be a new yorker and—”

“stop talking right now,” stiles sighs, shaking his head. “i can’t believe i still want to kiss you after that,” he says, pulling derek in by his coat. “this is making me rethink everything.” 

“i’ll never watch them again,” derek promises, and stiles laughs against his mouth. 

or: stiles is a starting pitcher for the NY mets when he meets and falls in love with derek. derek doesn’t know. 

note: i read SO MANY of @elisela’s 911 fics this summer, which i loved, and then she got into teen wolf and started writing sterek and i just about died. this fic is amazing, one of my fave sterek AU’s that i’ve read in years. it’s just the right amount of drama and angst and fluff filled with all the joys of miscommunication and character relationships that makes reading sterek such a joy. reading this fic and finding out eli needed fic recs pushed me to dive back in to reading sterek fics for a bit this fall so i can say with the utmost authority that this is one of the best i’ve read in a long time. 

i used to think one day we’d tell the story of us by notequitegucci (2/2 | 32k+ | M) gendrya; alternate universe—modern setting; outsider POV; friends to lovers; friends to lovers

9 times a stark encounters gendry + 1 time he meets the starks.

note: again, this is the first in a 2 part series titled love me like you do that explores arya and gendry’s dynamics together through the point of view of her family. game of thrones ended last year with a whimper but i keep returning to the gendrya tag on ao3 to seek out new, amazing content and also to re-read some old favorites. i can’t remember if i came across this for the first time last year or this one, but i’ve read it and re-read it more times than i can count since and i love it more than i can describe. i’m a total sucker for outsider POV fics and my biggest pet peeve in canon is the fact that none of the stark’s ever found out that arya and gendry had a history together. this modern au fic almost makes up for it by giving me a gendry encounter with every family member and then the big reveal. it’s peak content. 

theeeeeeese recs got a little away from me. i wasn’t originally intending on adding lengthy notes to each entry but ... oh well!! these are all amazing so please enjoy. 

fanfic end of the year asks

[laufire]

Rowena for the meme

Why I like them: how could I not??? She’s a great character, AND an absolutely enchanting woman. I could write (very bad, based on previous experience) poetry about her xDD. She’s gorgeous! And witchy! And dramatic! She hits my “older woman of dubious morality” soft spot AND has about everything else going for her lmao.

Why I don’t: I suddenly can’t read.

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I still have a few left with her (far less than I’d like! I know she has a fake marriage with Sam in one though xD), but as of now it’s probably 13x12, where she tricks Sam and Dean (they never find out she’s the one who hired the two witches that rob the book from them lol), comes in to save the day~~, has a few bonding moments with Sam regarding their Lucifer Trauma TM -which leads to Sam sneakily letting her get away with the page she was looking for lol... Another great one is where she encourages her sweet grandson (who she liked!) to return to the past knowing he’d die there, to get revenge against Crowley for forcing her to kill the one person she’d truly loved (another child she’d actually loved like a son). This family istg xDDD. 13x19, where she sets out to defy Death and force her to bring Crowley back to life is another contender (theirs is a complicated mother-son bond lmfao).

Favorite season/movie: it’s hard to say because I’ve enjoyed all four so far (well, in terms of Rowena’s storyline at least. I have Opinions on s12 and s13 lol). But I have to say Rowena is about the first character I’ve fully enjoyed (so far) seeing joining the team after being in more antagonistic role, simply because it’s fun xD, and in that sense she was a breath of fresh air in s13.

Favorite line: oh man. She has so many. One thing I’ll say for these writers is that they took advantage of having a theatre trained actress and gave her GREAT monologues lmao. See all these lovely things she tells to Crowley lmfao:

“This demon asks you to equalize credit for his and another's work. Split the baby if you will. Well, then I would well and truly split the baby. I'd cut this pulling, pathetic, grade-grubbing git in two, literally. Then I'd nail his bloody halves to the doors of the court. A reminder to all not to waste the King's time! Whiners beget whiners. You can't reward behavior like that. Why, I never gave in when you asked for sweeties as a child no matter how much you cried. Well, you were a very chunky child, darling. A bit of a bloater.”

“You can't understand my disappointment or my pride. You don't know this but after I left you, after I was forced to leave you, I heard of your death. Your mortal death. I thought you were gone to me forever. Then, hundreds of years later and thousands of miles away, I find you: the King of Hell. And not by luck or accident, you made that happen all by yourself. You're not a mother. You can't know what that pride felt like. How huge it was. But can you try to imagine, for me? Now do you understand why it breaks my heart to see what a colossal numb nut you've become? You've got the crown but you're no ruler, not really. A sad, bored wee boy on the throne who'll flop ass up the second those Winchesters, hunters who'd as soon see you dead as have you to tea, ask you to. You're no king. Not any more. You're their bitch!”

“I hate you because, when I look into your eyes, I see the woman I used to be, before magic, before the coven, when I was nothing but Rowena, the tanner's daughter. A pale, scared little girl who smelled of filth and death. I hate you because, when you were born, your father said he loved me. Then he went back to his grand wife and his grand house, whilst I lay pathetic and half-dead on a straw mat - my thighs slick with blood. I hate you, because if I didn't, I'd love you. But love... love is weakness. And I'll never be weak again.”

Then there’s of course “You say that like it’s an insult. Nice girls, they’re pathetic. Here’s to evil skanks.” (to Dean, after he calls her an evil skank). And the iconique “I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR BEING A CAREER WOMAN!!” (to Crowley, after he reproaches her abandonment of him as a child).

Favorite outfit: THIS IS THE MOST UNFAIR QUESTION I’VE EVER ASKED. Seriously, I literally spend all of her scenes making heart eyes at her looks, choosing is too difficult xD

This purple dress.

this blue one (just what you casually wear to break into a creepy house with your new frenemy Sam Winchester)

This purple dressing gown

This backless red dress

Everything she’s worn has been perfect for her, but I have a weakness for the long dresses.

OTP: Sam/Rowena is a great ship. Although if I’m honests, my favourite relationship of hers altogether is with Crowley. I love a good Bad Mom TM dynamic xDD

Brotp: see above. And I’ve enjoyed her (too few) moments with Castiel and Jack. Also Chuck lol.

Head Canon: I choose to believe she and Bela have crossed paths. Because.

Unpopular opinion: idek. Okay, I have one. You know how fandom obsesses over characters that SUPPOSEDLY have a hard exterior but are secretly softies, and that do terrible things to cover that and protect themselves (I’m looking at you Dean stans lol)? Rowena is the actual real deal here. Accept no substitutes xD

A wish: well, it would’ve been NICE if she hadn’t been so unceremoneously removed from the narrative in s15 (I mean, still a better ending than I would’ve hoped given the show’s track record, but I would’ve preferred to have her in the show moving the plot and all). At least it’s one of those endings with possibility~, so fics will be coming xD

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: the show is done and it could’ve been worse lmao. Dead with no possibility of return/no reigning position in Hell, for one.

5 words to best describe them: powerful, creative, meddling, striking, gracious.

My nickname for them: well, I keep calling her my ideal woman lmao.

[wendibird]

SPN 15X18 Observations

Let me preface this by saying, I apologize ahead of time if I and/or my notes seem a bit cynical. I’ve had a rough week. (I think everyone has.) But for whatever it’s worth, here are my notes, observations and meandering thoughts on tonight’s episode.

Oh, one more thing though. For episodes 19 and 20 (and anything really to do with them) in addition to my usual tags for the episodes and season, I’ll be tagging them with #dontspoilthefinalhunt for any who wish to avoid spoilers for them.

Pre-Episode thoughts:

So, I’ve heard enough rumors already to know that mooooost likely Cas is going to die this episode. And let me be clear, he’s my second favorite character in this show after Sam. But I have trouble feeling strong emotions for something when I go in knowing that I should. But I’m going to try to go into this one with an open mind. 

Also, in the past I liked Billy as a character because though she still had some biases, she still seemed mostly neutral, like OG Death had been. And from previews it looks like maybe they’re turning her into an outright villain like they’ve done with God? Yey. 

- Where’s Chuck? Did he just bampf off?

- So he’s gonna blow up in the Empty?

- Yep.

- So now Dean cares about him? (Jack)

- Poor Jack. He doesn’t get what’s going on. 

- Yey! Jack is back! 

- “You’ve snapped me out of worse.” When?

- They’ve prayed to Michael? Yey for not overlooking options! (Not being sarcastic.)

- Charlie!!!! And yey she has a girlfriend! (Are they gonna kill her?) 

- Aaaaaaand there she goes.

Commercial thoughts:

So, I get the whole narrative idea of taking a character that everyone assumed was kinda on your side and revealing that they were always working towards their own interests. I get it. And it can be effective. I still don’t like it with Billy. 

I’m glad Dean said what he did to Sam. Even if Sam says (and probably thinks) that he doesn’t need to hear the apology, sometimes it needs to be said anyway. And I think saying it all helped Dean a bit too. He needed to know that Sam understood. 

I’m glad Jack’s back though!

- Oh Jack. You’re worth more than your death. 

- I’m glad Cas is saying this, but sadly, I think the “we” only applies to him and Sam. 

- So Jack is powerless when he came back? Did the bomb thing burn out it all out?

*is confused*

- Yey! Eileen! (Please don’t have her just vanish….)

- I’ma cry….

- Oh no……

- “If I let myself go there I’ll lose my mind. I can’t go there right now.”  

- Oh Sam. Always trying to push down his feelings because there’s other shit going on. 

- Hug!!!!!!!

- Sam’s gonna drive Eileen’s car. Just shoot me now….

Commercial thoughts:

So yeah… Wonder what Billy’s plan is here with this random picking-off of people but not like, all at once. She COULD do it all at once, she has the personel. (The Empty didn’t kill all her reapers.) 

I think she’s setting her own kind of trap or something. 

Also, I take it Chuck just vanished? They didn’t say anything about it but that seems to be the impression given.

Still pisses me off though that after bringing Eileen back and only half-assing her role they just had her vanish. (At least Rowena’s in charge of hell, so if she wound up down there again, she SHOULD get a better shake than she did the first time.) 

- Donna!!!!

- Eileen’s Car…… *cries* 

- Sam’s got so much emotional stuff going on this episode. He’s got this grief for Eileen in the background and he’s worried about Jack and trying to help him, and trying to save all these people.

- OUch……. Double ouch. (Were in references to the expressions on Sam’s face when Donna first comforted him about Eileen and then Charlie made her comment about not wanting anyone else to go through what she did.) 

- (Yes, I’m worried about Dean and Cas too.) 

- Sam’s still their “Chief”.

- That's weird….. Why does his touch kill plants? (Not people at least.)

- Yeah, she (Billy) was waiting.

- Oh dear…..

- So what IS causing this?

- NO! NOT DONNA!

- WTF?!

Commercial thoughts:

So Chuck is doing this? I mean, it makes sense. He’s gotten petty enough. But now what? 

Also poor Sam. I mean, he tries so hard to save people. And time after time it just doesn’t work out. It could be seen as part of “Chuck’s Plan” because of how he wants his big story to go. So now I guess he’s just being more direct about it. Sam isn’t allowed to do well unless it’s been authorized by the Narrative. (AKA, him.) When he tries, he just gets shown the error of trying. (But he’s beaten down if he doesn’t try too. Like S8.) 

Also still don’t like how Billy’s character has changed.

- She thinks she’s Freddy Kruger?

- Heart attack? His first “death” was supposed to be his heart. (In “Faith”) Wonder if that’s intentional here?

- Oh god… please don’t tell me they’re going to…. 

Commercial thoughts:

Okay. I don’t ship Destiel. At all. I’m not an anti though, cause I’m firmly a ship-and-let-ship kind of person. 

But that scene while very heartfelt just didn’t do anything for me because it felt more than a bit like revisionistic history. However, I will say, congrats to the Destiel fandom. They killed Cas, but that scene was definitely for you all. 

They’re killing off so many people though it’s like… this is one of my problems when I’m going into a situation where I’m “supposed” to feel a certain way. It makes me awkward. (Like the Episode “Lebanon”.) 

- Gah, poor Sam. 

- WTF?! Is Chuck taking everyone in the world? 

- FUCK?! THAT’S WHERE THEY’RE LEAVING IT OFF?!?!?!?

Okay, so my hope is now, since they’ve gone THIS far with what Chuck is doing, that unless the ultimate resolution of the story is going to be “everything goes away forever” they’re going to have to leave some way to bring people back. 

I’ll be honest, I had trouble connecting emotionally with this episode. But that may not be the episode’s fault. I’ve been working some long hours lately and I just today found out that someone I work with has tested positive for Covid. (I just got tested today.) Plus with all the election stuff still going on, there’s a lot of real-world things on my mind. 

Also, as I said, knowing that these are the final episodes, it’s pretty much a given that things are going to ramp up. (And the people involved with the show have been telegraphing the hell out of Cas’ death, so it wasn’t unexpected. And I get it. Some people really do need that time to prepare emotionally and adjust their expectations.) But I still feel like a lot of the things they’re asking/expecting us to care about, they haven’t put the actual effort into the storytelling to make that happen. I love the absolute shit out of Eileen, but for most of this season she’s been written as little more than an accessory to Sam. And just so he can have some “feels” about someone. And then she gets vanished without so much as a last glimpse of her? (And this episode was filmed before everything closed down due to Covid.) 

I mean, his reaction STILL tore me up, because Jared is that damn good at conveying those emotions. But once again, like LAST time they killed her off, it was amongst so much other shit that there’s barely time for him to even feel it. In fact, he even said that he couldn’t because of what else was going on. And by the end of the episode pretty much everyone else in the world is Thanos-snapped too? 

And I get it, this episode is clearly not about her. It’s about the whole situation. It just still feels like a disservice to the character.

And speaking of disservices to characters…

So, about what Cas said in his speech/confession to Dean. The revisionistic retelling of history has been strong this season, but that was especially bad. We know from past episodes that Cas has ALWAYS had “a crack in his chassis” and always had sympathy and love for humanity. We know that he cares about a lot of people, and has put a lot of effort into becoming a better being. (Just a few episodes ago he talked about how he truly found his purpose when he became a father. And he also had talked about finding his true family.) But no. Apparently all of that character development was just because of Dean. What bothers me isn’t that he told Dean “I love you.” What bothers me is that it truly feels like Cas’ entire character was reduced to one half of a ship. 

Okay, and what also bothers me is that Sam was literally an afterthought in all of that. When for most of these years, Sam has been the one who’s been the most supportive and understanding of Cas. Sam is the one who lately has had the closer connection with him. But naw. He ain’t important, except as an extension of Dean. 

And I get they were trying to throw some fanservice to that corner of the fandom, especially since Cas was slated to die 3 episodes before the end. But they could have done it better. I’ve read fanfic that handled Destiel in a more believable way. (I was reading for the Saileen content as they’re often put in as a sister-ship and it can be hard to find fic of them without it.) And technically this wasn’t even requited. Dean looked more shocked than anything, though I admit that's up to interpretation. But someone in one of the discord servers I'm in posted a picture of that part of the script for this episode and it outright said in the directorial notes that Cas said what he did knowing that Dean didn't/couldn't return his affection the same way. So, there is that.

There were other aspects of the episode I also had thoughts on, like, wtf is up with Jack not having his usual powers but wilting plantlife? Some extension of the bomb-thing? Is he radioactive now to anything with “Celestial energy”? But wouldn’t that have made him give Cas problems too? Or is this supposed to be indicating something else? Amara did that too before she started turning lighter, back in Season 11. Is he somehow turning into the Darkness? Or did he come back from the Empty partially possessed by Lucifer? Gah. I don’t even know. I’m just throwing ideas at a dart board now. *LOL* 

And at this point, wtf CAN they even do against Chuck? I really don’t know. I’m hoping the next episodes are better, but I know 19 was written by Buckleming and they don’t have the best track record. True, a few of their episodes I’ve actually enjoyed. But sometimes they fall short on writing the Brothers Winchester. 

Anyway, I think I’ve probably rambled enough for now.

[unkemptcastiel]

SPN Finale

I try to limit w/ank on this blog so in the midst of reblogging posts that share my discontentment for the series ending, I don't want to end this show on sole negativity, because it means so much to me. So I'm gonna sum up my feelings on the ending, good and bad. Then I’m going to try to focus on having fun, reblogging memes and reliving good memories with the show and the fandom. 

Good:

As far as the show has communicated, everyone is happy. Dean, Sam, Bobby, Rufus, John & Mary, Cas, all apparently happy. Yay!

I like that heaven's walls were taken down. That's something that never felt right to me and seemed indicative of heaven's problems in general- like the fact that everything was so harshly ordered to the point of isolating humans in farces of happiness-bubbles of recreated memories, that all just felt a bit fake and like a symptom of the larger problem of how angels viewed and treated humans. So I'm happy they changed that! :)

I like Betty as new Death.

OH I also liked the brief re-intro of the two archangels. It may have been a little wasted, (but this is the positivity section!) but it was a dynamic I wanted to see for ages. Also lucifer calling michael a cuck: Amazing.

I'm glad Jack didn't die. He's my son and I love him.

Also the thing with the dog & chuck.. pure comedy gold. Amazing.

Confusing:

I'm a little confused what happens to the dimensional "repeat" characters, like.. are there two bobby's chilling next door to each other in heaven, of bobby and apocalypse-world bobby? It's not a huge issue it just wasn't really addressed.

I'm also wondering if angels are basically extinct now? Like Cas is apparently ok but last we heard there were like 7 whole angels left. How's that goin. Hello?

I'm assuming hell is operating per usual? It's been a while since we've seen Rowena but I think she's still running things. A little unsure of where the balance lies between heaven and hell just due to how decimated the angels are.

I'm assuming Jody, and Alex, and Claire and all them are good? Would've liked a check-in of some sort on the recurring characters tbh. There was a lot of me and my friend asking "... So what happened to them?" about side characters who we never really got any goodbye for.

Also same with Amara being kinda written off.

Speaking of, was the woman Sam ended up with Eileen?? It was unclear to me. If not, I wish they would've mentioned her; she's a character I care about a lot.

Bad (Let’s say “Critique”):

The shows writing has dipped each season imo, and this season often felt particularly hollow. I'm not quite sure how to better communicate it beyond... The way it was shot, the dialogue, every behind-the-scenes choice just felt... Off. It was very off-putting, all season for me.

The "Destiel" thing: I’m sorry, it still felt queerbaiting. I'm queer myself but I've never personally really shipped destiel, nor any ship amongst the main trio. So, while not being very invested in a romantic form of Dean+Cas's relationship, I still felt that the confession was used more as a last-minute ploy to attract queer fans who may have since left the show, or in some attempt to make everyone happy, make it ambiguous so both queer and het fans wouldn't feel like their understanding of dean & cas was infringed on. I understand that, from a show-ending perspective, especially from a show that owes so much to its fans, that they'd want to please everybody. Unfortunately, queer representation is still lacking enough that anything outside of clear, unambiguous GAY that no one could argue is anything else, is still sort of regressive and potentially harmful to the LGBTQ+ community. So it ended up feeling like a throw-away, last-minute-gays but still semi-hetero cop-out situation, sadly. (I also think the release of the script was very deliberate in stressing that Dean cannot reciprocate whatever feelings Cas has. It communicated to me "MAYBE a non-human character could be ambiguously-maybe-queer but one of the two leads? Absolutely not.")

On that note --perhaps as a result of the confession scene-- the boys' relationship with Cas felt really weird in the end. For someone they've known and fought with for 12 years, the idea that they wouldn't even look for a way to save him ... It felt OOC, painting Dean and Sam as kind of heartless. I also feel that having Cas saved off-screen and never reappearing on-screen was generally.. a little disrespectful to Misha. His performance of Castiel literally changed the show for the rest of its run (if you're unaware, he was supposed to have a few episodes in s4 and that's it. His performance floored fans so much that he was signed on as a recurring character and eventual series main). So treating him as an afterthought felt callous, both in-show-universe and out here in the real world, show business-wise.

I don't care that Dean was killed by "a nail." I don't care lol. As long as the character didn't die of dysentery or something it doesn't read as stupid or humiliating, imo. I saw it and was like "ye shit happens." And Sam left to live a normal life- Good! My boy’s happy. 

My primary issue with how Dean & Sam's lives and deaths went was this:

They make the entire show seem pointless.

To explain: the way that Sam and Dean's lives were going before the events of the pilot were: Dean is hunting primarily on his own, Sam is lined up to live a normal and happy life and eventually start a family of his own. It is discussed many times early-seasons that Dean expects to die early, due to the dangers of hunting, even though it is revealed that he also deeply wants a safe and happy life, he feels it is unattainable. Sam loves his family, but just wants out, and is getting to have that. 

Usually in fiction, if an arc is set up then change is to occur to resolve the arc in a new and hopefully better place than it was originally. 15x20 however, looked at s1 Dean and Sam and said "Yep you guessed it exactly right." In-universe, their lives were on these paths once Sam left and went to college, which was a pre-pilot event. The "inciting incident" of the show, which acts as the pilot and which causes the rest of the show to happen in the first place, is Sam leaving his path for normality and returning to hunting. By ending this show with Dean dying on a hunt like he always expected, and Sam leaving to live a normal life with a family like he always originally planned: this arc is negated. We’re basically put right back in a pre-pilot spn world.

This ending was all already lined up to happen pre-pilot. This was ALREADY going to be their lives before the show ever started in 2005-- as a result, the show's events were just a bunch of messiness and conflict in the middle; but spn still ended for the boys the way it would have if basically all the events of the show 2005-2020 just never happened.

So it makes the show seem superfluous, and to me as a viewer it felt insulting because it felt like we ended right where we started, or we went backwards, and it implied that it was a waste of time to even watch the show if it was always going to end the same no matter what events transpired in between. THAT'S what upset me by this ending.

tl;dr: The show's writing felt rushed, confused, and emotionally hollow. As such, we didn't get to see much on the many side characters we care about, which was disappointing. The disappearance of Cas made him seem insignificant and the way each brother's life went was exactly as they were going before the events of the pilot, thus their lives were filled with extra needless pain and turmoil before ending the way they always expected, making the entirety of the show's events and its existence seem useless. Because I loved these characters and invested near a decade into them, this feels insulting to me on the characters' behalf, and on my own behalf as a viewer. That's my issue with the 15x20 ending.

However, I still take more positivity out of this show as a whole than negativity. I’m grateful it even existed in the first place, and that is what I want to try to focus on. 15x20 is one episode. Are there more episodes I dislike? Sure. But they are still a minority in a show that will hold my love for.. the forseeable future. So to every fan, those who disliked the ending and those who loved it, you’re valid, I’m glad I got to know some of you, & 

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

[lilithsgayadoptednephew]

Holy Hands

Fandoms: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!   Not Rated Graphic Depictions Of Violence F/M, Other Complete Work

Chapter Index

Chapter 40

"Solomon?"

The stranger didn't answer, he just kept meandering away. Acacia jogged to keep up.

"MC told me about you, you're a sorcerer right? I thought you–"

"Wait you know MC?" He stopped and addressed her finally. Acacia wasn't surprised, most people didn't give her the time of day unless she brought up her sibling.

"Yeah I'm their sister. We're here with the 7 Avatars to try and get back the Devildom." She explained, Solomon looked thoughtful.

"Simon didn't say anything about the brothers being in this fight, he just said some rogue demons were causing trouble and he could use my help." He said, shaking his head slowly.

"Yeah and–" suddenly her DDD started buzzing. "Hold that thought." She took it out of her pocket, it was Mammon. Upon answering it many voices shouted at once, none of them intelligible.

"Guy guys shut up" Mammon's voice rose above the group call. "I need all hands on deck gah!! get everyone you can find and meet me by the west pillars" there was background noise of shouting and clanking, Mammon sounded like he was struggling.

"What's going on?" She asked frantically, Mammon had to collect himself before he could continue.

"Lucifer didn't defeat Michael. He's still WOAH. I can't talk, just send backup fast." Then the line went dead. Acacia stared at her ddd.

Lucifer didn't defeat Michael? He'd lost? Did that mean he was… no, he couldn't just die.

She looked up and saw Solomon was staring at her, but he was being pressured to leave by someone she hadn't seen approach.

She'd met Simon a few times, but the angel seemed downright panicked as he tried to make Solomon flee. Solomon just continued staring, not really noticing the angel's attempts.

"Lucifer... he's dead?" He said incredulously. It didn't sound right, didn't sound possible.

"We...we don't know that." But her voice held no certainty. She remembered Mammon, the strain in his call for help. Her heartbeat sped up and she started feeling fidgety.

Was Mammon facing that monster alone? If Lucifer couldn't even beat him then Mammon didn't stand a chance. She had to get Abaddon and go help. She turned on her heel before stopping herself. She turned back and addressed the two still present.

"Are you guys going to help?" She asked sharply. Solomon didn't answer but Simon jumped at the question.

"No! I mean I really wish we could but Micheals just...too much. Even with help we don't stand a chance." Solomon nodded in agreement.

"No, none of that," she said, tired of the angels' games. "None of this wishy washy 'oh we're on your side but not really' garbage. Mammon said all hands. Lucifer failed and probably died for this battle." She was growling now. "You gotta shape up or ship out right now." She got in their faces, her short stature and aggressively close stance giving her the appearance of a strike posed cobra.

"This plan is ride or die so you're either helping or you're wasting precious time I could be helping. I want a one word answer, in or out." She finished. The two blinked before sharing a look.

Solomon thought he knew what was going on. He found entertainment in getting information from his pacts and teasing others with that information. But this was a whole war he didn't know about, one his friends were fighting right under his nose. Now they were in danger, Asmo was in danger. With a nod he addressed the aggressive little girl.

"In."

Simon looked at Solomon like he was a madman. He probably was, but Simon was a good person. He wanted to keep his friends safe and stop all the bloodshed. There was a point where he had to admit Michael was a lunatic and Simon probably shouldn't be taking orders from him.

"...in" he said hesitantly. Acacia nodded once.

"Then follow me"

0Mammon was in way over his head. Lucifer was scary enough with his composed and precise punishment. But Micheal was just as powerful and infinitely less careful. He swung his sword in wide, unhinged Arch's, his hair fell in his face and his teeth were bared making him look like a feral possum.

Michael had lost them. They were just there within his grasp and Lucifer had swooped in and stolen them again. He was so angry his limbs burned. His jaw clenched and wouldn't unclench. He just wanted to destroy everything he saw, and Lucifer's beloved brother was a perfect place to start. He laughed gleefully as he swung his sword, forcing the demon farther and farther back.

He'd had the greedy bastard against a wall with his sword raised when the cavalry apparently arrived. Mammon visibly sighed in relief as his brothers rushed to his aid. The wrath of the sky and the ground and the tides was wielded by the newly rejuvenated brothers. Michael countered all of it with ease until Diavolo showed up.

The man was angry, he'd lost his kingdom, his best friend, and he was more than ready to take it out on an emotionally unstable seraphim. The shadows themselves seemed to rise up and trip Michael. Gripping at his armor and dragging him back to the Devildom prince.

Mammon took the opportunity to rest for a moment, he hadn't fought Michael alone for long, but he was still more than winded. He sat on the soft ground with his head between his knees trying to regain his strength. He listened to the sounds of the brothers ganging up on Micheal like it was his favorite song. Michael still held the advantage over the brothers and the prince, until some unexpected newcomers crashed.

"Now it's a party!" Asmo cried gleefully as Soloman rushed to his side in the fight. Spells on his tongue and fire in his fingers. Simon seemed hesitant at first but decided his best roll was helping the injured recover. In that sense, he started with Mammon. Healing whatever small injuries he'd sustained and suppressing his fatigue. Mammon was just about ready to jump back in when a hand on his arm stopped him.

"Wha? Ah! Acacia! You shouldn't be this close what's the matter with you?" Acacia just leaned close and kissed him lightly. Not hesitant, just soft. Mammon felt his head get so light he thought he'd float away. When she pulled away there were a few moments where his tongue became an untrained seal and he couldn't express any coherent words. Acacia just ruffled his hair and stepped back.

Mammon suddenly felt as powerful as Lucifer. Whipping around towards the fight he thought, this must be her way of saying 'thanks for not dying'.

He'd spend a million years not dying if it meant he'd get to kiss those lips again.

0They squinted on instinct in the blinding light of the upper Celestial Realm. Seeing where they were going was completely pointless so they just trusted Lucifer to navigate.

MC didn't know what they'd expected. Perhaps some kind of guard or gatekeeper, but the Lord was not hidden. He did not have any preamble or even a throne. He just stood and looked out into the distance. His body turned away from the approaching guests. He was so tall his face was completely out of view. He wasn't large...or small...or anything really, any opinion based on appearance simply did not stick in their head, instead it slipped through like water through their fingers.

Lucifer landed before the man and staggered backwards, as if realizing what exactly he was doing.

How could he bring them here? How could he show his face here? He was disgraced and banished and yet he just flew up here as if it were a normal weekend visit. He'd never really contemplated how easy this would be.

MC didn't know how to feel. They were literally standing looking at their creator. The man responsible for all of the laws of the world. They looked at him and realized...he looked like he was incomplete.

Yes there was definitely something... suspicious about his ambiguous appearance. As if it hasn't been decided yet what he should look like. They kept the thought to themself.

Upon their arrival he simply spoke.

"You've come here for answers."

They couldn't deny it, so they didn't. MC decided silence was the best option for them, instead letting Lucifer speak to the figure he called father.

"Y-yes" he spoke quietly. Never had MC heard Lucifer stutter. The implication sent shivers down their spine.

"I suppose you deserve your answers since you've come so far. Go on then."

"I...we…" Lucifer was actually sweating now, what was he thinking? He had nothing to say, he hadn't thought this through at all! He stared at his shoes like a nervous child giving a presentation. MC decided to try their hand at rescuing him.

"Why did you order Michael to take the Devildom?" A simple enough question.

"So my son's would come home." He said sadly. Lucifer visible cringed.

"Why do you want them home after you banished them?" They pressed. Lucifer was actually starting to panic now. Trembling, he sat on the ground to avoid collapsing. No one commented.

"So they could help me reclaim the earth." Now MC was shaken, that's a foreboding answer.

"What does that mean?" They asked.

"I wish to destroy this and start over." he said.

MCs face went white.

[starkerdayss]

SHIPPING Q&A

Pick your top 10 ships without reading the questions. [or if you’re a one ship dedicated blog, feel free to answer all of them for just that one, or do all the ships from one fandom, this is just for fun]

Guys, these are not in any specific way. 

1. Starker

2. Destiel (Dean and Castiel from Supernatural)

3. Malec (Magnus and Alec from Shadow Hunters)

4. Stucky 

5. Delena (Damon and Elena from Vampire Diaries)

6. Drarry (Harry and Draco from Harry Potter) 

7. Marvey (Mike and Harvey from Suits)

8. Deckerstar (Lucifer Morningstar and Chloe Decker from Lucifer)

9. Coliver (Connor and Oliver from How to get away with murder)

10. Britin (Justin and Brian from Queer as Folk)

Now answer the questions fo your followers can learn a bit more about your ships

————————

Do you remember the episode/chapter/scene where you first started shipping 6? - [Drarry] - I think it was actually because I ended up reading a fanfiction about them where they had very filthy sex and after that I just couldn’t unsee it. Either book or movie, they’re just... together in my head lol. 

What’s your favourite fanfiction for 4? - [Stucky] - I can’t remember the name but it was one where Steve was a prince and he had a harem of sexual partners and Bucky was one but he had been sent as a spy for the bad guy and his name was Winter but obviously they end up falling in love and Winter tells everything to Steve and they end up together and the harem I think is disolved because Bucky’s the main bitch now. 

What’s your favourite fan art/picture for 2? - [Destiel] - God, there are just too many. Destiel is an incredibly famous ship and it has been going around for ten years now. I just- everything made for Destiel is my fav. Specially one where they draw them as two women, so they’re a lesbian couple. 

What’s your favourite headcanon for 1? - [Starker] - High School AU’s will always be the reason of my sluttyness. 

What do you like most about the dynamic between the people of 7? - [Marvey] - They complete each other because they’re complete opposites. I also like the fact that they not only protect each other, but leave aside their differences and their fights to go save the other if needed. Always have the other’s back, and Mike’s just a child that Harvey needs. Am I right, @infinity-worried

When 9 have sex is it more giggly or more serious? - [Coliver] - I think it goes on both ways. Connor is very serious and sexy, and then Oliver is very shy and giggly and probably self-consious and ashamed so they go from being blushy and cute to Connor pushing Oliver against the wall and telling him the games are over. 

Out of all the ships who do you think have the best chemistry? - I think probably Britin or Deckerstar. They’re both cannon as fuck, so their chemistry is very shown on TV. I don’t know, Britin has to be the very first ship I started shipping, and Deckerstar is one of the few straight ships that I’ve managed to follow. they’re cute help. 

Which ship has the strongest bond? - I’m pretty sure the answer to that is Malec. But beyond the sex, they’re just really bonded through magic and the entirety of their world. 

Which ship to you spend the most time reading fanfiction for/talking/writing about? - Starker and Britin. 

Which one was your first ship? - Britin, definitely. Probably started it out when I was 13. The show was only on YouTube, I remember everything perfectly. 

If 6 were to break up, how would it happen? - [Drarry] - It would be in the most childish way. Probably Draco would say something horrible and Harry would be done with his shit once and for all and he’d break up with him and then Draco would be following him everywhere because that boy’s pride left his natural body the moment Harry took his hand for the first time. His boyfriend is just way too valuable to be a dick about it. 

Between 3 and 8, who would last the longest if they were in a zombie apocalypse? - [Malec, Deckerstar] - I would put my hands in the fire for Deckerstar. I mean, Malec has magic, and Alec is a nephilim and Magnus a warlock, but... Lucifer is the devil. 

Does 7 hide their relationship, and if so, why? - [Marvey] - At first, yes. It starts off as a sexual thing and you know that you can’t be sleeping around with your boss, so it’s necessarily a secret, but then, they start falling in love with each other and Mike starts to believe that Harvey will never love him and he becomes distant and feels disposable and Harvey knows he has to put an end to it so he just... announces it to literally everybody. 

What is 9′s favourite date to go on? - [Coliver] - Probably really nerdy stuff. Connor has gone through some shit and one of the things that makes him the happiest in this world is seeing Oliver happy, and sci-fi makes Oli happy and probably just science fairs, really geeky movies and all. 

What’s your favourite canon moment between 10? - [Britin] - I mean. Fuck. Probably the first I love you, or when after the prom situation, Brian takes Justin to the scene of the crime to make him try to remember something of his abuser and he whispers (because he’s telling the story): “and that’s when I understood why they called you sunshine”)

What do 5 argue most about? - [Delena] - Damon has a real trouble being a good person (vampire?) and Elena is just- she has a good heart (that’s how the tv show makes it look anyway) and she struggles to mantain Damon as a caring individual. 

If you had to pick an OTP which would you chose? - Britin. Fuck, I hate myself for that because Starker is now my main on everything, but Britin is really special to me, and it opened the doors to the gay world in my eyes. That’s the first representation I was ever familiar with. 

What’s the biggest kink that 1 shares? - [Starker] - Femenization. God, Peter in a skirt, lashes, lipstick, high-thighs and heels? Fuck me the fuck up. 

Do 8 want children? - [Deckerstar] - I don’t know. Chloe already has a kid and she could potentially want another one but then again, Lucifer is the devil and I don’t think he’s allowed to have children with humans, especially considering the fact that they haven’t discussed Chloe dying (she’s mortal)

Between 10 and 4, which would you rather became canon? - [Britin and Stucky] - Britin is cannon, so please just give Stucky a go. 

Does 2 do much PDA? And does it annoy their friends? - [Destiel] - Not really, mostly because they don’t have time. Sometimes Castiel kisses Dean’s cheek or something and every once in a while Dean says some corny shit that he didn’t want to say but usually, they keep to themselves (or under the table), and no, it doesn’t bother Sam. Sam’s the biggest Destiel shipper among us. 

Which of the ships would you say is the most romantic with each other? - Deckerstar. Lucifer probably would do some hell things that nobody considers romantic mostly because they’re satanic, but the gesture is what counts. Plus, imagine Lucifer just bringing a vase of human eyes bc that’s romantic in hell and he’s with his grin... I would take it honestly. 

How would the proposal between 5 go? - [Delena] - I don’t think marriage is an option. They’re both inmortal (towards the end of the show) and they have all their lives. They don’t need a piece of paper that tells them how much their relationship is worth, specially if they’re going to trascend that. 

Who cooks more often in 3? - [Malec] - Magnus. Without a shadow of a doubt. He makes potions all the time, and Alec is always working on the institute. I think Magnus would be more than happy to cook (or summon) a meal for his boyfriend. 

——————

Now tag!!

@im-a-goner-foryou @insatiable-spider @starker1975 @starker-garbage @peterscherry @peterparkerisaslut-x

Consider yourself tagged if you want to do this! Also, sorry for the lenght of this. I got a bit carried away. 

[goldenlandfiascos]

How many actual canon couples are there? Because especially in the manga, half of the scenes in Chiru look like shipping to me. And most of them are gay

ok it’s been a while since this was sent to me but i know i got this ask after reblogging a bunch of gay shit lol. alright my mind that overthinks things can’t tell if you’re saying this as, “hell yeah these ships are all gay so which ones do we consider canon?” or “they’re all just gay shipping moments that the fandom takes out of proportion and aren’t actually deemed canon” if that makes sense…sorry, my mind jumps from one possibility to another a lot of the time, i hope you get what i’m saying XD i’m assuming it’s the first one but i’m gonna play it safe and just answer it in a way that covers both~

so let’s start with the obvious: the married couples. Krauss/Natsuhi, Eva/Hideyoshi, and Rudolf/Kyrie. That’s three. Add the next three that the story is basically built around: Battler/Beatrice, Jessica/Kanon, and George/Shannon. Then there’s Bernkastel/Lambdadelta. I think that’s all the ones that are canon without a doubt. What i mean by that is, there’s no denying they’re all couples. Like, legit. You might get some blind fools being like “Bernkastel and Lambdadelta are just gal pals” and being serious about it but, regardless of any personal views on their relationship, it’s made very clear numerous times throughout the story that they are an item. They declare their love for each other openly. They flat out refer to each other as their lover. The manga has them often being quite touchy feely. There’s just…You can’t fucking deny it, man.

Moving onward, we get to the couples that are more “arguably canon” in that it’s not explicitly stated as in “oh, we’re married” or “i love you” or something along the lines of that, but it’s still pretty evident that they have a thing. Ange/Mammon is probably the first one that comes to mind. soo, tbh Ange is fucking not straight. just…seriously. i personally headcanon her as flat out gay but if others wanna see her as bi/pan/whatever else that’s cool too and i could see it being a case of she’d fall for someone so long as they give her the love and support she’d need, but there’s no doubt in my mind this girl is not straight. daydreams about 7 half-dressed girls fawning over her on a constant basis?? no heterosexual explanation. that’s not even all, if you look at her dialogue on certain parts, it’s almost like she‘s purposely making it a point to say she’s totally interested in the girls. like in the end of ep3 when she first comes in and stops Battler from signing the thing she says something along the lines of “ahh i’m so jealous! you get to play these games while surrounded by beautiful witches!” she really didn’t have to specify “beautiful” and that she’s jealous of the fact but that’s none of my business ☕️👀anyway, so her relationship with Mammon is already pretty fucking gay in the VN but from what i’ve seen the manga just amps it up tenfold. and in the end of the story, Mammon is like “so this means we can finally be together forever?” and ange’s just all “YES!” while. holding. her. face. close.

like. ???? you’re fucking blind if you don’t see it. but that’s still not even all, cause in the very end of the story when Ange has Tohya come to the place and the whole everyone’s there to greet Battler back and whatnot, the manga does a similar thing with Ange herself and who’s the one who hugs her and all that shit?

fucking Mammon. and i’m not about to be putting up every pic from the last few pages of the manga but listen. the ending shows like all the canon couples together. the Golden Land is a place where they can all be together with who they love. and the manga. deliberately. shows. Ange and Mammon. together. within. these same. pages. Ange and Mammon are canon as far as I’m concerned. If one of them were male there’d be no question about it.

Next is another one that most people would consider canon and that’s Erika/Dlanor. their relationship is completely different from Ange/Mammon but there’s still a lot of evidence throughout the events of the story that they are meant to be thought of as a couple. or at least potentially becoming one. starting with the “confession” scene that threw everyone for a loop. fun fact: the first time i read ep6 i was reading really fast at this particular point and it took me forever to realize erika wasn’t actually talking “to” dlanor. i just saw “I really like you” (my official copy of the manga has it flat out as “i love you”) and i was like “yoooooooo holy shiiiiittttttt!!!” ok, so towards the end of ep6 there’s that whole thing with erika being all “thanks for protecting me last episode. it made me very happy. no one’s ever protected me like that before…” and dlanor goes on being like “when i felt how weak your truth was i had to protect you… no, i wanted to protect you”

AND ERIKA’S FACE RIGHT AFTER SHE SAYS THAT

and then erika goes on to say “thank you” and that dlanor was a great partner even though it was only for a short time (which i’ve made a joke about this before but kyrie tends to refer to rudolf as “partner” sooo i’m just saying) and dlanor says she’ll continue to be her partner. like, no hesitation.

GAY.

and then there’s dlanor being incredibly worried and frantic when erika’s injured in the final duel of ep6. and then the end of the story we see how erika and dlanor are keeping in touch with each other like, BRUH. i’m telling you, it’s set up to imply they’re gonna get together one day. #erika’s bi af you can’t deny

There’s Will/Lion which, I actually remember the least about ep7 cause i haven’t read any of it in like 4 years and i’m not about to go looking through the manga online to find scenes cause ep7 is depressing af and i’m not about that life right now, but it’s pretty obvious they’re supposed to be a couple.

as far as developed canon/arguably canon couples go i think that’s all of the main ones. I could very easily be forgetting some though. there’s a lot of characters, man. lots of possibilities. everyone else is either just never really a main focus, or flat out shipping that fans like. For example, Virgilia and Gaap totally have a thing. I feel like the story was hinting at something possibly between that bue-haired rabbit chiester 410 and Lucifer but there was nothing really built upon it outside of their initial interactions. uhhhhh what else is there…? you could headcanon Ikuko and Tohya are together, especially since originally Ryu was going to have them be married but i personally just see them being more like bros.

anyway, so there are quite a few actual canon couples and then there are the ones that are usually accepted as canon cause they are and within all that lies the endless possibilities of shipping which, depending on the particular pairing, really is more just reading into things and liking the idea of two characters together. regardless, i say this a lot, most of the time as a joke, but it holds true: just about anything is possible in the cat box and given how the story of Umineko and its characters are supposed to have more than plenty of room for different interpretations, there’s no denying gay couples can most definitely be a thing. i’m gay af but reading into things and seeing parallels and just literally everything, i truly see how and do headcanon like 90% of the cast isn’t 100% straight.

[rtcessays]

Essay 1

I heard you killed your only friend last year Disarm The fog won’t lift in your town

Q’s for Lise

What inspired you to sit down and write, what it sounds like you assumed would be a one shot, or at the least the start of a very short and sweet ‘verse?

I definitely initially thought it would be a one-shot, and honestly as I wrote it I didn’t even know that I was going to publish it. I can’t exactly remember what I was thinking - pretty early on after watching The Avengers for the first time my girlfriend started me thinking about Steve and Loki, though initially not necessarily as a pairing - just as a pair that might have interesting interactions. The plot mostly came from needing an excuse for them to interact and having a deep, abiding love of whump.

Basically, “how do I put Steve and Loki in a place together and get them to have a conversation? Oh, I know, I’ll just beat Loki up.”

Was there a clear point where you said something like, ‘Hey, there might be more to this than I originally thought?’ through this first series of installments?

Yes.

Disarm mostly happened because I felt like I’d left some hanging threads, and started imagining what the next meeting between Steve and Loki - on more equal footing - might look like. So I wrote that one, mostly thinking “well, I’ll just see what happens here”, hit the end of it, and went “wait, there’s definitely more here that I want to write.”

It seems like pretty early that I knew I started shipping them - already Disarm is marked as pre-slash. But I don’t think I started out with what became sort of the goal of this first segment of fics: getting them to a point where they were really in a relationship. I think it wasn’t really until I was midway through the third fic that I realized where this all was going and started to think I might have tripped into something.

a/n for the essay from ‘I heard you killed your only friend last year’:

I am still hilariously new to all things this fandom and sincerely apologize for any inaccuracies.

Where were you at when you first started? Had you been reading comics your whole life, or was this your introduction to these characters?

The only comics I’d read at the time I started writing RTC were a few scattered Batman comics, Sandman, Lucifer, and some fables. I hadn’t opened a single Marvel comic in my life, and while I watched Thor in 2011 nothing really came of it. I don’t remember watching any of the other movies when they came out, though I might have and just not really left an impression.

Then I went to The Avengers in May of 2012 and just got - slammed. Suddenly I had all these feelings about characters, especially Loki, with a whole new amount of intensity. I started writing fic for the MCU almost immediately after I got out of the theater, of which I heard you killed your only friend was a very early one. At the time, I had no idea what I was doing. I mean, I went back and watched everything over again, and began my deep dive into comics fandom (starting with Black Widow), but...May 2012 was really where my MCU pit started. --

Remember This Cold has humble beginnings in I heard you killed your only friend last year. What eventually becomes a richly filled ‘verse begins almost as a writer’s exercise. How does character A respond to character B, and vice versa. It is a laboratory environment, poking and prodding at the two in order to determine...well, we’re not sure exactly, at first. And that is for the best, as we have the pleasure of unfolding this particular mystery as the author does.

The back and forth of Steve and Loki’s interactions, sizing one another up  through the fic, is reflective of the author feeling out the belief that Loki and Steve are viable as a pairing, and investigating how their beliefs, morals, and cadences fit together. Lise has come to be synonymous with Loki, but her voice for Steve is dead on accurate, right from the start. Also, her understanding that Steve is layered, and has a depth that goes overlooked in the source material (remember this was written post Avengers).

There’s a magnetism to this iteration of Loki that the reader feels through Steve. Steve Rogers is an upstanding gentleman through and through, known for doing the right thing. There’s no grappling with this for him, as he quietly insists on taking care of someone who just leveled Manhattan. But is there more to it?

“Just something to think about,” Steve said, after a moment. “If you get tired of running.”

Its a nice set up for further exploration, which follows in Disarm, wherein we begin Loki’s penchant for showing up unannounced. For those of us waiting for the romantic elements to be included, the rapid slow burn is tantalizing from the first scene. Steve is playing ethics with Loki, to a degree, and Loki...well, Loki is kind of slippery. Being from Steve’s perspective, Loki’s machinations are secret and therefore, more captivating.

For new readers, its almost a requirement to travel back in time in order to picture this Loki. Deliberately made out as a menacing villain, it is a largely flat characterization. The beauty of fanfiction, of course, is we can breathe life and breadth into a character. Making room for an eventual romantic focus is secondary to making room for a more rounded out individual who might be capable of such a thing. We just begin to see it in how Steve’s tempered treatment seems to get under Loki’s skin.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, they say. Steve’s thoughts may be preoccupied with Loki, but upon being confronted by them, the reader imagines he might feel like a mouse being batted around by a cat. Loki’s speech is a rabbit warren of clues and suggestions, none of which Steve has the conversational skills to navigate. But, that doesn’t do anything to assuage his patience or curiosity. The questions of ‘how can Steve stand by and allow this to go on’ may start to come up. Is it unfair that he treat Loki with some kind of deference? Maybe it is. Maybe, just maybe, Steve Rogers has a flaw or two. Alternatively, its possible there’s more to Loki than meets the eye, and Steve’s instincts are serving him well.

Almost too literally, Steve gets a peek at Loki’s true state and when he pushes, he only gets Loki’s verbose command of language. That all changes when Loki shows his underbelly, and Steve sees what being dogged by (presumably) Thanos or the Chitauri has cost him. Loki views Steve as a safe place, that much is obvious, but the reader is left to wonder why. Is it because Steve would do the right thing and Loki knows it? Is it a sign of something more? Hmm.

The notion that this is a thought exercise is expunged by the time we reach the fog won’t lift in your town. It’s subtle, but the potential transition to something altogether not platonic is illustrated in this first sign of attraction:

He [Loki] glanced down at the pear and took another bite of it, eyes drifting closed in what looked like blissful delight. “Mmm,” he said, head tilted slightly back, and Steve felt the inexplicable urge to look away.

Its a brief interlude, perhaps almost a foreshadowing. The m/m reader is sitting up straight, now; the author has our attention as themes might begin to shift.

“You would not. You will find, Captain, that believing a thing, no matter how passionately, does not make it so.”

Loki says this, and it is a moment where you can see past his dramatic airs to find a truth of his. And it’s of course as cynical as Steve is optimistic. These little morsels we get in the back and forth that’s flavored the series so far are gems that keep you hooked, and allow you to truly begin to fall for a character.

The stakes are raised when their conversation, as it sometimes does, turns into a concern over who’s allowed to do what. Steve can’t turn his back to Loki, Loki can play the puppet master and toy with Steve. Expressly forbidding it, Steve makes to leave and Loki’s having none of it. Though, once Steve does in fact stay, we get another one of those morsels when Loki admits it is easiest for him to be cruel.

Then, he’s more or less threatening the Avengers should Steve not keep his repeated presence a secret, and we’ve snapped back to the persona Loki has been favoring. Steve, as ever, doesn’t care. He presses on, and claims his debt in the form of Loki doing a good deed. Sometimes it's hard to determine if Steve is deluded, or if Loki is the one who doesn’t truly know himself.

Good deed or no, one has to wonder why Loki chose to text Steve. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but Loki is adding another way to communicate with Steve, only to show up in person once Steve has seen the news coverage. Its another subtle nod to what’s to come.

A noted marker of more of the same is the epithet of ‘my Captain’. Without Loki’s perspective, we can only guess at where he’s coming from...which in itself is a quagmire. We’re best left to trust the author and continue enjoying the ride.

Take a risk, he [Steve] told himself, and tried to ignore the little voice that said he was taking too many.

This in response to Loki bringing up Steve’s potential melancholy for things that were, it is notable in that Steve is becoming maybe a little conscious of how he is compromising himself. Let us not forget that that is, contrary to some belief, not entirely out of character for him. Taking risks got him to where he is, in countless variations on a theme. His willingness to be vulnerable pays off, as Loki admits simply that there are, in fact, things he misses about Asgard.

As we continue, Steve grows more bold and Loki somewhat more callus. He brings up Bucky Barnes, and though initially not by name, it’s obvious who he’s referring to. It is here that Steve tries drawing a line in the sand.

“Don’t try to tell me that,” Steve interrupted. “You don’t like something I say, say so. Don’t just – don’t just take off and then come back determined to have some kind of revenge. You can’t – go around hurting people just because they hurt you.”

“Why not,” Loki said, his voice lofty, but there was something low and vicious underneath. “That is the world, is it not? Give and take. Action and reaction. Strike and retaliation.”

And here we have two opposing sets of beliefs. Steve proceeds to shut down the conversation, and that is how the scene ends, before opening up into a new scene, a slow revelation that something happened and Steve has been hurt. Loki is there when he wakes, which is maddening! How long has he been there with him, one wants to know, and do the other Avengers know? Loki is clearly distressed. Here we have some explicit emotional whump, as Loki insists he’s simply not trustworthy. Steve might be tired, hurt, and out of it perhaps, but it bears out more of his emotion.

“No, and I was wrong.” He needed to salvage this, and wasn’t sure why it was so important, only that it was.

It’s important because Loki has become part of his life, and Loki needed to understand Steve saw things in him Loki probably refused to believe he could ever possess. Our final segment concludes on a very good recap: 

Still. He couldn’t help but feel a little twinge of something like hope. Maybe just a little. Four steps forward, three steps back.

Even if he still didn’t know where they were going, or if, or why. It was still something.