#Analysing Now That I See You quotes/chapters | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

tyran-the-tyranical · 8 months ago

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I’m currently writing a fic and writing for Raphael is a little infuriating if I’m being honest.

Mostly because he has such a way about him, and unlike the other characters where there’s some room for deviation, he’s quite rigid in his mannerisms. So I’ve literally been scraping through his dialogue and ‘analysing’ his behaviour, and this is what I’ve ‘boggled’ it down to.

EDIT: This is actually really long, and in fact not boggled down at all, Keep Reading at your own peril...

(OK, So I've completely reorganized this post to be more readable)

Raphael is a complex and multifaceted character, but here are some main character traits of his that I'll delve more into as we go on;

-Manipulative and Deceptive

-Arrogant and Condescending

-Sadistic and Enjoys Suffering

-Cunning and Strategic

-Relishes Power and Control

-Patient and Calculative

-Dark Humor

-Alluring and Subtly Flirtatious

-Dual Nature and Contradictory

-Hedonistic and Indulgent tendencies

-Ambition

Though Raphael wants to paint himself as an honest person, that still doesn’t mean he isn't Manipulative with us, he uses many tactics to gain our trust, from crafting this honest and helpful persona to literally threatening us and building pressure to make a deal to escape ceremorphosis.

"I'm here to help, not harm”

"I am master here. A prince of bargains cloaked like scarlet satin. All that hidden under sublimely obvious truths that cannot be discounted." (From Chapter 3 of his Diaries)

“Come now, why playing hard to get when you're in deep over your tadpole head all those pretty little symptoms sundering skin dissolving guts they haven't manifested yet have they?"

"I'll be around watching you squirm like a tadpole through a nice juicy brain"

As we progress his threats go from subtle to outright fear-mongering, but this also goes into somewhat of his dual nature as when he moves past his honest persona to just pressuring you, he still wants to paint himself as some sort of Saviour. Of course, this is also just another tactic of his, painting himself as a friend or helper, as though he doesn't have his own ulterior motives, which sure he admits outright but in the ending where you do give him the crown he drops this façade and tells you he's planning on taking over more than the hells and will eventually come for you next. I also think this bleeds into his own needs to be adored, you can see this further in his little plaques he has around his house.

"Am I a friend? Potentially, an adversary? Conceivably, but a savior? that's for certain. Try to cure yourself. Shop around - beg, borrow, and steal. Exhaust every possibility until none are left. And when hope has been whittled down to the very marrow of despair that's when you'll come knocking on my door. Take all the time you need but make up your mind before you're counting down with tentacles"

Additionally, this all just feeds into his performative nature - to the extent that he sometimes borders on narrator territory. He has his little monologues as he talks about us as though we’re characters in a story and he’s just recounting our actions to some unseen audience.

[His speech before the Yurgir encounter is a good example of this]

"Through the dark, she went creeping and awoke what was sleeping"

"The Shadows grow long and the hour is late" - also wherever this quote is from works well too

There are even more subtle moments where he's still being performative, even when he's not physically present, which goes into his desire and constant longing to be seen as something akin to a True or Full Devil (or archdevil). Since he is a cambion he is restricted a lot by his mortal half. He is held back by his human needs like sleep and presumably food too. I think he tries to cover for this through excess, as if you go to the HoH in Act 3, you can see the food on the table is just filled to the brim of just rotten food, basically all of it wasted. Also, there are loads of scattered areas that have fruit or wine throughout his house. I believe he does this on purpose to try to come across as though food is nothing but a pleasurable activity he indulges in now and again rather than a necessity and he doesn't care if he wastes it (Also just saying he's rich, let them eat cake, L + Ratio).

However his façade isn't perfect since he is still fallible, and he can fail/die. We can see this because, at every opportunity he possibly can, he attempts to convey this front of being omnipotent and powerful - as close as he can to an archdevil. To be fair, he manages to do this pretty really well, At times he can even come across as this truly unbeatable force, that we can’t ever truly defeat. This is exemplified by the fact that, even if we kill him, if we look in his logbook of previous visitors, it hints at him trying to find a way to cheat death by transferring his soul into a clone or something adjacent.

Now whether he ever managed to accomplish this by the time we attack him is uncertain, (though there is a non-canon / cut content line where he begs for his father's help as we fight him, kinda of insinuating he never fully realized his backup plan in time and he’s actually afraid he’ll die, but that’s also not in the game so who can say for sure)

“I cannot lose to you. Not here. Not in my home. I cannot die! Mephistopheles, hear your son! I am at your mercy - save me!” - NOT CANON BTW, but omg do I love this line

Another slight hint that Raphael might not be as indestructible as he'd like us to believe is when he is playing lance board with Mol.

"My, the double counter Gambit. Vicious. Exactly what I would have done"

Now for all intents and purposes Raphael does not need to win against Mol, that wasn't the purpose of their game, either way he already had his eyes set on her to make a deal anyway. Yet it demonstrates that whether you cheat or actually manage to outwit him, he can be beaten, since he can't hide behind a persona when playing (Mostly).

Furthermore, Raphael is like an English teacher, he loves his little similes and metaphors, and just talking in a verbose manner, and it’s not just word vomit, no no no, he makes it sound interesting, he is performing for us after all. For me personally tho, it’s difficult to replicate, unlike other characters or companions where you can deviate their dialogue, like hearing Astarion say ‘fuck you’ to Cazador, I don’t think you could get away with that for Raphael.

"The mouse smiled brightly it outfoxed, then down came the claw and that love was that"

"Perfect, one more rhyme for Old Time's sake; The master was slain within his own house, they dined on him both, the cat and the mouse."

"Like a mosquito nibbling at a dragon, be gone"

I also think it's so interesting that the man who does nothing but spout rhymes and poetry will say this if you call his poetry out for being dirt;

"I admit it isn't my primary interest not, by any stretch"

Excuse me, sir? I do think he genuinely likes poetry/writing in general, he supposedly even wrote a play before sooo, also I just think that all these contradictory things he says are on purpose, he's trying to be mysterious to some extent, and he doesn't want you to be able to gauge or understand him, he just wants you to believe in his persona he's crafted for you and that's all. Though like I've said before, his mask can slip off, especially in private or when he's enraged. An example is when he's referring to his employees who have failed him.

"[A record of various associates of Raphael's, listing their duties, and their respective performance.]

Korrilla Hearthflame - field work - so far I've barely

had to singe the tips of her fingers. This one shows promise.

Archivist - naughty boy, supposed to be looking after the collection,

but has a tendency to drift. May have to start breaking his neck to

give his spine a chance to recover.

Nubaldin - little shit let Gortash get away. Not letting

him near the prisons ever again. Chamber of Egress will

do fine until I find a replacement for him."

Moreover, he’s also very condescending/patronizing. (I think even in one of his dialogues, the devs noted he should even come across that way). I think that’s just a part of his little superiority complex, he’s the chess player and we’re all just his little pawns (that is until we kill him ourselves, it almost makes me think that Tav/Durge is actually the other player in the game and to some extent Raphael knows this and tries to play accordingly). He constantly wants to portray this cool and confident personality, that he’s accounted for every possible outcome (and in a lot of ways he has) and that even if he doesn’t get what he wants, it doesn’t faze him, and in fact, he’ll try to make it seem like either way it benefits him, and sure in some ways it might, but I do believe he’s just saying that to mask his failure to achieve his goal.

"I should snuff you out and make coin of your soul, but it will be more amusing to let you see the consequences of your actions. Do you really think that the crown is safer in the hands of a goddess than in the claws of a devil?" (Look, I don't like Mystra, but do I think the crown is safer with her? UH yea)

"Such an eager little pup."

"You really do think highly of yourself. My sights are set on something much more valuable than your soul, succulent though it would be."

He's Definitely pissed at us for being a little shithead and giving the crown to Mystra (even tho in the game if you complete Gale's quests you rlly have no choice lol) But he still tries to play it off as this will be terrible for you but great for him, since if shit hits the fan, he's just gonna get more souls - Though I'm sure this is him just trying to save face, or at least to some extent. We can see him actually lose his composure if we ascend Gale.

"Do not toy with me, Wizard!" - R

"I thought you liked playing games? You can have the crown Raphael, but you'll need to come and collect it from my realm" - G

"You can't do this!" - R

"I hit him where he's most vulnerable, pricked his pride, and sent him back to the hells to lick his wounds. He'll be back, the question is will he find us side by side?" - G

This is really fun to see since even Gale knows Raphael has no power over him and can just mess with him, and initially, Raphael tries to gain control by saying like 'Oh no, I'm not going to take the crown Gale's going to give me it, like we agreed' and then when Gale fucks with him and it utterly infuriates him because there's not much else he can do really since Gale, though he might not be as powerful as Mystra, is definitely more powerful than Raphael. I also think it's very interesting that, even though we've basically gone against Raphael and screwed him over, he doesn't plan on taking it out on us, and I know he says he wants us to see the consequences of our actions but I think there's a different reason to why he doesn't take action against us. I think he's genuinely afraid of us, let me explain. He was clearly already afraid of our potential before any of the endings, shown in his dream he wrote about in his diary, and when we manage to survive everything that the game throw at us and defeat the nether brain, we've basically become undefeatable (Not really but you get what I mean) The only time he even suggests he'll take one of our souls is if Gale explodes while trying to ascend and well, there's not going to be much resistance since he's already blown up.

"There was one among them who spoke for the rest. They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me.

In waking, my courage has firmed. I progress my plans for

the tadpoled even now.

I am Raphael. I am not easily bested."

Raphael is not only fueled by his ambition but his fear (I'll talk more about that later too) and so he acts accordingly, he plans and schemes for hundreds of years trying to account for every possibility, and at times he can even come across as a total control freak lol. He has Korilla literally stalk us throughout the game, he also knows personal facts about our companions (he’s done his homework), and he’s literally planned and orchestrated events in the plot to help lean towards us giving him the crown in the end (it’s implied he helped vlaakith chain Orpheus or idk some other devil did with infernal chains, and he’s the one who helps wipe Ketherics lil army to just one justiciar) he’s had a lot of time to plan and plan he has. He’s constantly aware of your movements since he picks very specific points to appear to you. 

"[Laughter] The good thing is though there's only one little voice you really should listen to, Mine" - Total control freak behavior

"you'll be back, it's something of great importance to your master is it a love letter a warning or a deed of ownership I can give you all the Gory details"

"Carved into that Ivory skin of yours is one part of an infernal contract between the archdevil Mephistopheles and your former master"

"Karlach, why does that name ring a bell? hmm, perhaps I read it in a book somewhere."

An interesting thing to note is that I think his controlling and performative tactics are the ultimate reason to why he inevitably fails (If you decide to kill him I mean) Since he's spent so much time controlling the narrative literally and figuratively, he's literally altered events leading up to our arrival so that we can give him what he wants and he even talks about us as if we are just a character in his story he's created, he's been doing this so long he truly believes he can control the narrative, that he's predicted every outcome and he really doesn't think we'd go against that we could go against him. He's been so out of the narrative himself, an observer who might nudge things to go his way now and then but never be in the action himself that he truly believed he was untouchable, that he could just float above it all like he did with Karsus’s folly happened.

Now onto an aspect of Raphael I find very interesting – His relationship's with those around him. As I said before he’s a total control freak, and that’s clearly fueled (if not caused) by his narcissism and we can see that even outside of our protags. Look at Haarlep for instance, (there’s so much to dissect with these two) but Raphael strictly has Haarlep made to look like himself, and is the only form he’ll sleep with. There isn’t just one answer to why he’d do that, firstly, it just boils down to him being a narcissist sure, but on the other hand a point can be made that he’s doing it strategically.

Haarlep was sent to distract him, and presumably to spy and report back as well (Hypothetically, it's not confirmed) and presumably, Raphael is clever enough to realize that. So why would he reveal anything about himself in such a vulnerable way, so why not just make the incubus be in one form and one form only? It also serves as a lil bit of a punishment I suppose, since Haarlep can be 1000 different people but is forced to stay as one. There’s also another angle to this, that narcissists generally find intimacy difficult, and being vulnerable with other people. So why be vulnerable when you can stick to the devil you know?

Party member: How did you end up here?

Haarlep: Sent by Mephistopheles... distract naughty son.

He knows himself better than anyone, so why would he bother with anyone else? It’s a bit of a defense mechanism, he’s not willing to be vulnerable or let his guard down (and to be fair, for good reason) so it’d be better for him to stick to what he knows, what he’s comfortable with. I’m just going to throw this out here but he comes across as a total hedgehog dilemma sorta of guy, gives off real Shinji Ikari vibes tbh. (NOT REALLY, He's more Gman than anything but just without the charisma 💅)

Party member: Did you ever turn into forms besides Raphael's?

Haarlep: Raphael... loves... only... Raphael.

Now, this is just supposed to be a Raphael analysis but I find it impossible not to mention Haarlep and their motivations as well, since they are arguably the closest person (Literally) to Raphael. Haarlep comes across as a complete gossip type since they seem to just love to air out Raphael's little secrets, they even say how Raphael can Deny them nothing so either Raphael does trust them to some extent to make them his confidant or well, Haarlep just Wittles it out of him during their sessions. Either way, they hold some closeness to Raphael, yet I find it revealing that they immediately will expose him and actually help you (for a price ofc) and intentionally try to help you kill Raphael. Now whether they believed we could actually kill him or not is up for debate, but after you give them your form they do say that they'll enjoy misusing you and they do tell you what will happen when they use your form, so if they believed you were going to die why bother?

Haarlep doesn't seem to be the only one as in their letter to you in the epilogue it's revealed that even the devils in Mephistopheles's court seemed to hate Raphael.

"Since the timely end of Raphael's reign, I've gone back to Mephistopheles' Palace in Cania. Many of his Father's court are celebrating the demise of my little brat - behind closed doors. And I'm making a fortune selling evenings in his form now there is no contract binding me to secrecy. Rather tasteless to desire a dead man like that, even amongst devilkind, isn't it?"

Haarlep even calls Raphael their little brat, though perhaps it was out of endearment as even Haarlep remarks how low it is to desire a dead man when they use Raphael's form. This could possibly show some sort of remorse towards Raphael's death, but it's pretty unclear, yet that's also to be expected since Haarlep is a full devil and they even state they're a crueler master than Raphael so perhaps that was true as well. It genuinely seems that no one actually cares for Raphael, besides perhaps Korilla, and I mean that's fair in all honestly, considering how he treats most of his employees (Hope too) but it's also funny that the people he wants to impress or become most, the devils, also hate him or want to well.. Have some fun times with his form after he's already dead. I also think it's interesting that Haarlep refers to Raphael as a dead man rather than a devil, they don't even say 'amongst his own kind', It's interesting because Raphael himself is so adamant on calling himself a Devil rather than cambion or whatever (tbf he's not the only one, Mizora does the same or at least out characters don't care to make the distinction) Yet Haarlep doesn't care to make that distinction. Now, of course, man doesn't necessarily mean a mortal man or whatever, but it's still intriguing to note.

An interesting thing to note about Devil society is that, unlike Demons who usually just outcast or kill their cambions, Devils at least allow Cambions to intergrade into their Hierarchy, but at the same time it's a system that wasn't built for them to succeed in since cambions can't physically be promoted, they aren't guaranteed anything form their work, so everything they have, they've had to work hard for. Unlike those around him, Raphael has had to work extra for his position (though I'm sure his title of Son of Mephistopheles did help somewhat) he seems to have it quite good, and tbh I even initially thought he was his own free agent, and didn’t even have to serve under Zariel (but he does) he just has it really good, or at least better than most cambions from what it seems. At the same time, I find it intriguing that he sparsely even mentions who he is in relation to his father. Through subtle hints throughout that game, it's clear that Raphael actually probably hates his father or is perhaps extremely jealous of him, since at the same time he mirrors him in some aspects.

I think the Dungeoncast said it best when examining the devil's mindset that I also think apply to Raphael quite well too;

"Their dogma essentially revolves around seeking power over others, always adhering to an eye-for-an-eye principle. They exploit any kindness shown to them and show no compassion for the weak, exhibiting traits of a sociopath. Winning at any cost is their mantra, often cloaked in the guise of promoting personal excellence and independence. When they harm others, they rationalize it as providing motivation to succeed."

Even though his society basically looks down on him, whether he's successful or not, Raphael still believes in their mindset, mostly since that's probably how he's survived and thrived in the Hells. This mantra that the devils have has warped who he is as a person entirely and also his ambitions, he doesn't want any other than control, he sees no point in forming meaningful relationships or other interests, and he only sees domination and power as his goal since that's all his society has told him is important.

Another thing I’ve read about cambions is their sense of entitlement, especially over mortals, and well Raphael certainly fits the bill. Which might contribute to why he wants what he wants. I mean, why does Raphael want to take over the hells? To end the blood war? Sure, almost all devils want to rise the ranks but Raphael’s goals are a lot more lofty than that, and why is that? Is it solely his ego? To be seen as something kin to a god-like Asmodeus, or is it to best and humiliate his father? Perhaps both, or perhaps neither, it’s somewhat unclear, but perhaps he just feels entitled to something greater or maybe he wants out of the rat race that is the Devil's Hierarchy.

"It's the Fatal flaw of mortal kind take away their free will and they call you a tyrant, allow them to indulge it and they become tyrants"

A final point is since he’s a narcissist, he’s obsessed with his image, yea I know, very obvious. And it’s been mentioned a few times that this is probably why he and Haarlep look so different, it’s either insecurity or wanting to come across as something more mature, why he’d look older than Haarlep when they should be an exact copy. It’s the whole reason he’s been performing, curating this image to us, one that he barely even allows himself to break at home unless he’s enraged. If you look at it for what it is, it’s just insecurity and almost desperation. A desperate desire to be seen as something greater, something akin to his father (daddy issues are making their appearance) and it honestly comes across as erratic, and extreme.

He’s so obsessed with his image that perhaps when Haarlep said they’re a perfect copy of Raphael they didn’t mean as an exact copy, they meant they’re are literally a perfect version of Raphael, a better version (most likely a result of insecurities of how he's perceived). Who can say for sure what the reason is why they look so different if they’re supposed to be mirrors of each other. His whole obsession with is image really matches his father, since Mephistopheles is known to change his appearance and curates it for mortals as well (It's why he's confused with Asmodeus a lot since he just goes for a basic generic devil look).

One more thing, considering all the characters we meet throughout the game, Raphael is or is one of the oldest characters in-game, seeing as he's possibly 1000+ years old. Considering this, it makes sense that on top of him being a devil anyway, he finds himself detached from mortals as well as his own mortal half. Though he is quite proactive in his contract seeking seeing as he not only seeks us out but characters like Mol and Lyrthindor (Tho that was more towards orchestrating his own goals) Otherwise he can just sit up in his Ivory tower devoid of mortal's strive, I mean he even says multiple times that his house is a safe haven for the tired/sick/restless/etc. On top of him already trying to detach himself from his mortal half, he also has the benefit of being so old that he probably has already become numb to it, to mortal thoughts and feelings. He wouldn't be able to emphasize or understand it (tho him being a devil wouldn't have helped either) all he would understand is how to use their suffering to his own benefit. Any possibility for humanity within Raphael is either so faint it's practically not there or there is none left entirely.

"Never have I been so attracted to mortals as I am to those infested by the tadpole."

He even says this himself. Mortals have never had any impact on him, physically or emotionally. Yet in saying that, they've never really been given the chance to. The closest a mortal besides us the player to have ever gotten 'close' to Raphael or have impacted him is Hope. Raphael is not only a complex character but he has so many complex relationships with the few people he lets around him. As I said before Raphael is completely blinded to humanity, he's definitely a person who believes the ends justify the means and that has never been more evident than in what he does with Hope. He doesn't care what It takes just as long as it gets him what he wants, that's why he helps orchestrate the plot to lean in his favor, why he basically tricks Yurgir, and why he has no problem torturing Hope even though she's basically no one to him, she isn't even a debtor.

Though Raphael is almost completely removed from being anything close to a human being, even after all this time, whether he likes it or not, he still does have some human traits. His interests for one help humanize him (Which tbh he is probably aware of and uses to his advantage) Sure he likes poetry and literature, but he's also just obsessed with everything surrounding Karsus and Hope (or at least the concept) He even names his house The House of Hope and whether he renamed it that after Hope or whether that was it's original name isn't clear but either way he really likes the idea of hope in hell. You can see this throughout his house on the little plaques he has scattered throughout, he definitely wants to be people's last hope or perhaps just hope in general, it would make sense as well since he wants to literally break hope and bend her under his will.

"Karsus's folly the Bard and Scholars call it. I call it hope, the hope of creating a better world, and The Perils of unchecked hubris"

(Karsus and Hope are basically his only two special interests that he starts to literally combine them)

Another very human trait of Raphael’s is that Raphael has a fear of failure. He even has dreams about us destroying everything he's worked for and killing him.

"There was one among them who spoke for the rest. They gestured to the melting hooks, suddenly glanced my way, and in their face I saw they had the best of me.

In waking, my courage has firmed. I progress my plans for the tadpoled even now.

I am Raphael. I am not easily bested."

Even though he reassures himself that he is Raphael and cannot be easily bested it's clear he's still very desperate. The only variable in his plan that he can't truly control is Us and he definitely knows this. Even other characters like Gale can tell how desperate he is. His facade of Invincibility is one of the tactics he uses against us to keep us in check against him. To be honest, all these things lend to humanizing him far greater than any poetry or quote he could ever spout because it shows his vulnerability, it shows he's not as invincible as he'd like us to believe, that he does have weaknesses and can in fact fail. A very mortal trait to have in all fairness.

Also on another quick note, he totally has a special interest (obsession) in Karsus, like him seeing Karsus accidentally kill thousands of people in the netherese cities became a core memory for him, one that he’s never let go, even now. 

"The archdevil Mephistopheles snatched up the crown and squirreled it away in one of his vaults. He is not more than a frigid archivist"

"I want the crown that dominates the Elder brain and then we all Gather in the House of Hope me dressed in my finest silks, you skinless, hanging from a hook to watch as your world dies"

"you would have been Heroes if you only dealt fairly with me, instead you're not so different to doomed Karsus, overreaching your limits and burning your world to Ash"

"The screams oh the screams hundreds of thousands of people watching in horror as the ground came up to meet them"

His ambitions seem to be fueled a lot by his narcissism and this belief that he can achieve all he's set out for and actually do a good job in implementing order, etc. Whether this is a founded belief or not is debatable, since we don't really know what he achieves past supposedly Avernus.

"Though with the crown, I would impose perfect order, Unity, efficiency, control, my kingdom would control its borders and stay within them" (Sure pal)

OK, onto the kicker here; Raphael is a very alluring character, he can even come across as flirtatious at times (Also through his body language and I obvs can't demonstrate that here but u get it) Throughout the game he's saying how he'll wine and dine us if we give him what he wants, yet In the ending where we actually give him the crown, I think it's so telling that after all his promises of dining with him and getting to see him again if we deliver it, he literally doesn't follow through at all (There's a debate for this since we don't know if he might've once his plans were done) and this just proves what we were to him; that we were in fact just pawns to him. Even if he does invite us to dine with him, it'll most likely be with a purpose, that he wants something from us or for us to do something for him because otherwise he's gotten all we wanted from us, the facade has been lifted and he doesn't need to try charm or threaten us, he's effectively done with us (literally, since it is an ending). It's all just another aspect of his manipulation and Persona he uses against us (And I mean, It worked) We're all just a means to an end for him.

ALSO, A little side thing I should note is the silly lil Dark humor Raphael has. Raphael, being a devil and all, definitely has a dark humor. You can defo gather that from his dialogue but also the way he comes up with creative punishments for his debtors. Now some of it is just basic evil shit like the guy who does the Self-flagellation stuff and the one who's forced to act like a dog, but some of it is more than that, like the guy who worships his chamber pot which just so happens to be under the statue of Mephistopheles or the debtor who's forced to dance (which I think is a reference to The Red Shoes story/movie where the character is literally forced to keep dancing) or the chick who just voyeuristically watches what goes down in the boudoir, like yea it's horrible but sometimes it just cartoonishly ridiculous and you can't help but find it somewhat amusing.

"Hope [Laughter] such a tease" like when he says this, unbeknownst to us, he's referring to the real-life Hope, more of an inside joke to himself really.

On top of all that - this specific paragraph isn't really poignant to Raphael's character necessarily, it's more of a personal observation but - I think if there were to ever be a romance with Raphael the best option is to not give him the crown (tho I do kinda wanna see him with his lil crown being the prince of hell). It's similar to Gortash, in that if you want to be his equal you shouldn't grovel and just give him the netherese shards, you need to challenge him and show your mettle basically. Now I'm not saying Raphael would be pleased with this, but if you wanted to be an equal, this is the best route, otherwise, there's always going to be that power imbalance like with ascended Astarion. (AKA, kill him, Do It)

My final point that I wanna make is, that all the characters in Bg3 are designed with a fatal disbelief. Y'know Gale believes if he becomes a god he can prove himself to Mystra, Lae'zeel believes that Vlaakith is righteous and will allow her to ascend, Shadowheart believes she can find herself/ her purpose in Shar, and Astarion believes he'll finally be safe if he becomes the vampire ascendant, yet we that these believes are all unfounded and end up being untrue wif they achieve them, and the same goes for Raphael. Now, if Raphael achieves his goal of getting the crown, he most likely will still end up not getting what he wants, for two reasons; Asmodeus literally cannot be defeated - Let me explain; So there are a few origins for Asmodeus and to most popularized one (and the one I prefer) is the one where he and some of the other archdevils were actually previously angels that got corrupted while fighting demons.

Yet, in earlier editions, it's stated that all of that is just speculation and mythos surrounding Asmodeus and his real origin is that he is literally a cosmic force that was there at the beginning of time. OK. Now personally I don't care for this origin but either way, whichever one you believe I think my next point still stands the same. Whether Asmodeus is just a being that has achieved something as close to godhood as he can or a literal cosmic force of lawful evil, Raphael probably would still be unable to defeat him even with the Crown and scepter and any other of Karsus's little items, he most likely if anything could only get to the eighth layer. Now in saying this, this is still not his disbelief, because his personal belief is also one that all devils share, which is a complete lie, that being the entire hierarchy they abide by. Every devil abides by this meritocracy hierarchy, and the belief that if they become more powerful, and ascend - that they can reach Asmodeus status, but this is a complete an utter lie. Asmodeus keeps this facade that he could be defeated, but in truth, he's kinda way too powerful for any of the devils in hell, and he knows this and uses it as a tactic to keep them in his control.

Now Raphael to some extent knows that he has to basically cheat to be even able to ascend, since he's a cambion and the hells system wasn't exactly designed for him to be promoted. Yet even if he manages to conquer every layer up to Cania, he's still going to lose since he's basically destroying the hierarchy and therefore he won't have control over the devils beneath him. Now the crown can be used to literally dominate people but that's not what Raphael necessarily wants - He wants to be adored and willingly followed, and of course, he'll use the crown when he has to, but to wholly subjugate everyone in hell to mindlessly obey doesn't seem to be his goal. There are more practical reasons as well why there are certain devils that have control over the layers, and Raphael, no matter what power he can possess, is still just one individual, and inevitably it seems as though there would be a lot of chaos rather the perfect order he believes he can achieve.

I know that the crown can basically make you a god, and if Asmodeus has powers akin to a god and Raphael can theoretically do the same, then why can't he just defeat Asmodeus? well, it goes into Raphael's fatal flaw, his arrogance. If we look at Gale, for example, he made himself a literal god and still wasn't powerful enough to defeat Mystra, and yes, Raphael 'Is no mortal' but this is what I mean, he believes is above Karsus and Gale, that he'll succeed where they failed but that's just not the case. Like I've said before, Raphael desperately wants to be seen as more, his ego won't let him accept anything less but that still doesn't change the fact that he is fallible, and we don't have to look any further than when we managed to defeat him. Now in saying all this, this is all theoretical and kind of bleeds more into an opinion, since we don't know what plays out after he gets Avernus, perhaps the other archdevils managed to kill him before he achieved anything, or perhaps he really did manage to conquer Baator and the other realms, Who knows. (I might be cooked for saying this, especially since I do wanna see him be a lil prince of hell, but arguably giving him the crown, besides being our bad ending, is also his bad ending - No further explanation)

Like I know I said, this is what I’ve boggled it down to and well, it’s not very boggled, but that’s what I mean! There’s so much going on with this little guy, it’s almost hard to keep up with, you gotta write him as suave and mysterious but also somewhat threatening and intimidating, he has to be articulate and persuasive as well as theatrical, while also keeping in mind his manipulative and narcissistic/egotistical tendencies, which doesn’t come easy to write for.

This isn’t a slight by any means either, he’s a complicated character and that’s why I like him, but my sorry ass struggles to replicate it 🥲 though I hope this post will be a good reference to circle back to when writing for him.

#bg3 raphael #bg3 #raphael bg3 #baldurs gate raphael #baldurs gate 3 raphael #baldur's gate raphael #raphael the cambion #bg3 haarlep #haarlep #bg3 hope #baldur's gate 3 #korilla hearthflame

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 1 year ago

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New series idea: analysing my favourite (underrated) lines from Six of Crows

I feel like I haven't given you any analysis in a while, and I've had this idea for some time now so I thought it was worth giving it a try. This is going to be a list of my personal favourite quotes in Chapter 2 of Six of Crows with explanation/analysis for any that I have an explanation/analysis for - but if a famous or popular quote isn't included then it's not because I don't like it, it's just because I don't feel I have anything new to add to the existing analyses around it. And yeah, if you guys like this then I'll make it a more regular thing and go through chapter by chapter (probably sometimes including multiple chapters in one post), so let me know what you think!

(Also, I chose to start with Chapter 2 on purpose because I don't have loads to say about Chapter 1, but if anyone is interested I'm open to trying it in the future)

"every favour came with enough strings attached to stage a puppet show" - ugh words cannot explain my love of this quote. Not only is this a gorgeous and vibrant metaphor that brings forth very clear imagery, it also achieves two different concepts relating to the idea of the "puppet show". Firstly, we have the idea that Kaz is the puppet master and Ketterdam is his stage; he is in complete control, he can bend the city to his whims, and it's ultimate his say that can make or break someone. This is definitely the image we're given of Kaz in the opening two chapters, and this singular line really reinforces that, however the rest of the book and many of the descriptions in Crooked Kingdom unravel this view very quickly. This description far better fits Pekka Rollins, which brings me onto the other concept relating to the "puppet show": the question of who it actually is pulling the strings. Arguably Kaz is a puppet on Rollins' stage, and Rollins a puppet on the Merchant Councils'. each has power but each is ultimately at the whims of the other. This brings worth the suggestion that something darker is at play and that there's far more to Kaz than initally meets the eyes before we've even met him, so in short it's just completely and utter genius.

"Kaz hated a puzzle he couldn't solve, and he and Inej had concocted a hundred theories to account for the murder - none of which satisfied" - again, Kaz has thus far said a single line, and not one with a lot of information in it ("Yes and no. It's always good to have a country in debt to you, makes for friendlier negotiations) and yet we know so much about him - and even some details about his relationship with Inej! It even tells us a lot about Inej; we've been presented with a figure heralded as near-omnipotent in his city, someone no-one wants to be on the wrong side of, someone who has complete control over every conversation he has with you, and she is someone with whom he will spend hours trying to solve a riddle? So then, the reader is forced to think, what kind of power does she has? What makes her worthy of his closeness, why does he trust her, and why does she know him well enough to so intimately know his likes and dislikes? Inej hasn't even spoken yet.

"But it didn't feel neutral to Inej. It felt like the hush of the woods before the snare yanks tight and the rabbit starts to scream" - ok most of my enjoyment of this quote is just of the beautiful prose, however I would like to add that all six Crows experienced this sort of 'calm before the storm' leading up to the most painful experiences of their lives - Wylan thinking he could go to music school, Inej at the beach with her parents and calling sleepily to the man she though was her father, Kaz staying at the cafe and meeting Margit and Saskia, Matthias knowing he was going to be a big brother, Jesper seeing his mother for the last time when she picked him up and hugged him even though he was up past his bedtime, Nina feeling that she had purpose and loving the way she could help her country - so this could be considered foreshadowing.

" 'Care to place a wager?' Jesper asked.

'I'm not going to bet on my own death,'

Kaz flipped his hat onto his head and ran his gloved fingers along the brim in a quick saulte. 'Why not Bolliger? We do it every day,' "

"Kaz had done his best to teach her, but she didn't quite have his way with breaking and entering, and it took her a few tries to finesse the lock" - my main source for liking this quote comes from an analysis I did a while ago when someone asked me about comapring this quote and Kaz's self-proclaimed "shoddy job" of teaching her to pick locks. It's a while since I posted that so I'll run through it here briefly, basically it's very indicative of their relationship dynamic. Whilst both place the other on a pedestal, they do it in different ways, and Kaz particularly often glorifies Inej and almost finds it difficult to accept that she, like anyone, must be flawed. So if she fails at something, like picking locks as well as he can, and she cannot possibly be flawed then the error must be in his teaching - it can never be with her. It's also a glaring example of Kaz's self-destructive nature. My other reason for liking this quotes is just that it once again tells us about the characters so early on and without having to directly explain it to us - we know Kaz is good with locks because he tried to teach Inej and she isn't as good as him, but she still manages to get it open.

' "I'm a business man,' he'd told her, 'No more, no less,'

'You're a thief, Kaz,'

'Isn't that what I just said?' " - I ADORE this, but honestly all I can say for analysis is that it sums up the entire theme of the novels beuatifully.

"Now he looked like some kind of priest come to preach to a group of circus performers" - this sets up a great parallel that I've mentioned before in one of my "little details you might have missed/forgotten" posts, but it's also interesting to have it come from Inej's perspective since she's incredibly religious and performed as a travelling acrobat with her family. It's probably drawn from personal experience, someone in dark clothes who judges the brightness of Suli traditional clothing and/or culture and tries to preach religion to a group who've already long found it because they don't align with thier idea of religion. It's even possible that she links that idea with Kaz, not because of his actions but because he's from a country that has perversely sexualised and condemned her culture and he dresses like the rich merchants who would preach this exact kind of message - and possibly even have visited her at the Menagerie, where she was forced to appropriate her own heritage and way of life for the enjoyment of those who look down it with no reason for doing so.

"Inej pitied the boy who might die alone with no one to comfort him in his last hours or who might live and spend his life as an exile. But the night's work wasn't over yet, and the Wraith didn't have time for traitors" - this is one of the few but fabulous examples we get of the idea that "Inej" and "the Wraith" are separate entities; Inej being the girl she was, the girl she should have been, and the Wraith being a creation of necessity to aid survival. Inej is a religious young woman from Ravka who has been through far more than she should have done, but the Wraith was born and raised on the blood-soaked streets of Ketterdam and has every intention of surviving them - no matter the cost. This concept is only mentioned a few times, however it runs a beautiful parallel with the distinction between Kaz Rietveld and Kaz Brekker, or Kaz and Dirtyhands depending on how you look at it.

Ok I realise this is a pretty long post but thanks for reading it if you got this far, and I really enjoyed making this so please let me know if you guys would enjoy seeing more. And, in summary, Leigh Bardugo is a genius

#grishaverse #leigh bardugo #six of crows #crooked kingdom #inej ghafa #nina zenik #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #kanej #wesper #helnik #soc meta #six of crows analysis #six of crows meta #soc analyst

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sugar-grigri · 1 year ago

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GOOD! I'll now explain a little more about my absence on Tumblr, not that I think it was dramatic, but I did get a few reactions to it (why no analysis of the last chapter? Asks still unanswered).

I wanted to test on Twitter, in fact I was already expecting the conclusions I was going to draw from this experiment, but it all started with a discussion with my twin sister who told me that I had to test to see how my analyses in particular (there's no difference in the way fanarts are received) would be received.

Honestly, my posts went down well and I think it shows that on any platform many people are interested in digging into a manga, but unlike here where people will want to look for opinions on a chapter, posts on Twitter drift towards people who aren't interested (and they have the right).

But the insulting, even misogynistic part, the repeated meme, the often private RT quoted, it's anxiety-provoking.

And even when I wasn't posting, the arguments, the drama, the anxiety-provoking news loops, the nonsense all contributed to my bad mood.

Anyway !!!! I'm going into exam period, so I won't be as productive as usual right away, but I'm going to stay on Tumblr.

Not that I wanted to leave, but I didn't know if I'd be posting on Tumblr AND Twitter

Already time-wise, it's impossible, especially for someone who's trying to limit her addiction to networks.

And one last clarification: all my threads on Twitter were reflections I'd already written here, so you haven't lost any "content".

See you soon <3

Addendum: if I haven't made myself clear I'll probably quit Twitter and only stay on Tumblr!!!!

Another addition: CSM doesn't have the audience the work deserves, not because people don't like the work enough (I don't care about that) but because people refuse to believe that Fujimoto thinks his work, coherently and deeply

#chainsaw man #csm #csm part 2 #csm spoilers #feeling a bit like I've wasted time and at the same time not really because I've met some good people #had some good discussions and I'm happy if my posts have been of interest #and my posts on Twitter certainly had more reactions than here but that's not a good thing #I know it may come as a surprise but it's dehumanizing and you quickly feel like a freak #you lose control over your posts whereas here I'm proud of them!

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uniquexusposts · 6 months ago

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Her || Charles

Main characters: Charles Leclerc x OC Genre: fanfiction, fluff Story type: novel Part: 19/? Word count: 3729 Co writer: @mistrose23

Story summary: Matilde Jørgensen, the new Scuderia Ferrari team principal, faced the nerve-wracking challenge of reviving the team's fortunes and aiming for a championship. Leading a historic team as a 'newbie' and separating her work and personal opinions posed a significant challenge. The big question: is she capable to do so?

Previous chapter

Chapter 17. A Boss Ass Bitch

The next day, everybody went back to work like nothing had happened in Austria. A few people noticed how Matilde and Charles just talked to each other instead of ignoring each other and sharing death glances. It brought up some suspicions, but the people were glad there was no tension.

The people who had to be in the pre-race weekend meeting were present: the team principal, all the heads of departments, the drivers and other people who just had to be there.

"A few of you got to meet Ada already, some of you have not yet. Ada, our new social media manager, will work closely with Dario and his team. Ada used to work for LEGO, and we're happy to have her on board with us," Matilde mentioned. "It is our goal to get more engagement with our fans through social media."

"How are we going to do that?" Silvia asked, she was truly interested in the new approach. It was fresh, new, different.

"That's up to the social media team and their strategy. I don't want to name any teams with a very good social media strategy, but I will do it anyway, to give you an example. Aston Martin's social media approach is quite brilliant, and Mercedes's as well. We don't want to copy their strategy, but let's keep it in mind," Matilde replied. She straightened her back, feeling some discomfort in her stomach. She squeezed her eyebrows together and curved her back again.

The people in the room nodded, eager to learn more about the new woman and the new social media approach. The meeting continued with some other topics that needed to be discussed.

"On to the last topic," Silvia said, taking the lead on the last ten minutes of the meeting. "You may have seen or read it, or not yet, but there is a clash going on with some quotes of Matilde," she carefully said, looking at Matilde and analysing her reaction.

Matilde raised her eyebrows, blinking a couple of times.

It was clear to Silvia that Matilde wasn't aware of the situation yet. "Matilde had an interview with Viaplay The Netherlands, and they talked about Charles and Carlos and their contracts. I will quote the interview. Interviewer: 'Matilde, some rumours have been circulating that you encourage Charles and Carlos to speak to other teams. Can you clarify your position on this?' Matilde: 'As a team principal, my goal is to ensure that our drivers, Charles and Carlos, are in the best possible environment to excel in their careers. Part of that process involves understanding what options are available to them. Charles and Carlos are both incredibly talented and highly sought-after drivers, so it's only natural that other teams would express interest in them. I do encourage Charles and Carlos to talk to other teams, it is them who drive the cars and they have an important role within the team, the team is built around them. If they are convinced to see more opportunities in other teams, they are free to go.'"

While everyone in the room listened to the words, heads turned to Matilde. It felt like betrayal, did she just say that she wanted the drivers to go to other teams? Charles frowned; yesterday, Matilde gave him reasons to stay at Ferrari, and now she wants him gone? Carlos sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"People on Twitter, other platforms and the media are convinced you want them to leave the team," Silvia said to Matilde, who looked just as perplexed as everyone else in the room. Betrayal or surprise? "Do you want to comment on it or leave it be?"

Matilde took a moment to process the words, she was thinking about it and replaying the interview in her head. It was noticeable that she was thinking, her facial expressions said enough. She parted her lips and looked around in the room, it was like she had stabbed her team in the back. Everyone was waiting for a reaction, others already took a side. "I don't have time for this bullshit," was her response. And no, it wasn't the right response. "I have never said that," she added.

"Well, you must have said something about it, otherwise they wouldn't come up with this," Carlos said.

Her face straightened, he was the last one from whom she expected to hear this reaction. "That is not what I meant," she shot back, tears forming in her eyes.

"Then what did you mean?" Carlos asked fiercely.

Matilde looked around, she could burst into tears right now. "I said that I encouraged Charles and Carlos to talk to other teams if they wanted to. If they are convinced that they will not get the satisfaction at Ferrari, then I do not want them on this team, but with a team where they feel happy. I value them so much, but I also want the best for them. And by exploring other opportunities, which is a part of their career development, they will find out what they really want. Ferrari? Fantastic, we will work to get the best cars. Other teams? Amazing, if it makes them feel happier, then that is the cause, equally good friends. I will support Charles, Carlos, and everyone else in this team, with whatever decision they make. The same goes for everyone else on this team." She collected her stuff. "Anything else you want to discuss?" Matilde didn't wait for a reply. "I will talk to Viaplay about this bullshit, because I always have to explain myself anyway. Good afternoon," she said, got up and walked away.

It stayed silent in the room, no one dared to look at anyone. Her words had stirred confusion and emotions she hadn't anticipated.

Silvia gasped for air. "Gosh, she will forget that she has to welcome an important guest now," she said and got up, leaving the meeting to run after Matilde and find her assistant Galileo in the hospitality.

Still, no one dared to speak. Their thoughts and feelings were left to simmer in the tense air. It was a moment of profound discomfort.

"Charles, what did you say to her yesterday?" Someone asked Charles. Charles looked up at the mechanic in question and raised his eyebrows; how dared he to ask that? "We all heard the fight... You were yelling."

"That is all you have to say now?" Charles asked in disbelief.

Another gasp filled the room. All eyes shot to the guy from PR. "Fuck, the first fucking version is published while I explicitly told them to publish the adjusted version. I called them twice to correct them, there's a huge thread in my mail about this, and they apparently are in for some drama. Oh, my god," he groaned. He stood up, collected his items and stormed out of the room.

"See, this isn't Matilde's fault. Viaplay spread lies. Don't blame her," Charles sighed and defended his team principal.

While the remainers were sharing some last words on the discussion, Silvia found Matilde in her office. Her elbows were on the desk, and her head rested in her hands. Silvia was shocked by how exhausted Matilde looked, she wasn't sure if it was because of the situation or something else, perhaps it was the pressure of the last few weekends that was resting on her shoulders. Silvia knocked on the wall, causing Matilde to look up. "Hey... Are you okay?"

Matilde nodded, took a deep breath and stretched her arms. Stretching her arms wasn't a good idea, it gave her an uncomfortable feeling. "Yeah, don't worry," she mumbled. "What's up?"

"There are guests waiting for you downstairs," Silvia mentioned and stepped into the room, closing the door behind her.

"I have to fix this rectification with Viaplay first," Matilde mentioned, hearing desperation and exhaustion in her own voice.

Silvia squeezed her eyebrows together, Matilde wasn't supposed to do that, and she knew that. "Galileo will do that for you," she said in a worried tone, like it was obvious.

"Sure..."

"Should I say that you will be there in fifteen minutes? To give you some time?"

"No, no," Matilde said and got up. She grabbed her bag from the floor, she held back a groan. She put the bag on her desk and searched for some paracetamol. "Could you inform me about our guest?"

While Silvia informed Matilde about the guests, Matilde took in the painkiller and some water. She put on some deo and perfume and took a peppermint. They both made their way to the hall of hospitality.

Matilde put on a smile. "Hello," she said and held out her hand. "Welcome."

The man in the blue suit shook Matilde's hand, just like the woman next to him. No one could tell if she was his daughter, or wife.

"Follow me, please," Matilde said, pointing towards the lounge, leaving Silvia behind at the entrance.

Silvia was glad Matilde could cover up her mood towards the guests and her own people, but she snapped in the meeting, and Silvia couldn't figure out why. She was worried, it didn't feel right. Just when Silvia wanted to turn away, ready to go after Viaplay, she saw Matilde walking back towards her with an annoyed face.

"I swear, the next time we will ever receive guests, they have to take a test about Ferrari and F1. When they fail, they will not set foot in this entire building," Matilde grumbled, annoyed and grabbed a bottle of lukewarm water. "'Thank you, sweetie. Can you get us ice-cold water, please? And tell your boss that we are ready to see him.' Him? Who do you think I am? Your fucking butler?" She poured in two glasses of lukewarm water, put the bottle into the fridge, and looked at Silvia, who Charles had now joined. "Do not invite him again," she stated, returning to the two guests. She smiled professionally again and placed the glasses on the table. "I don't think I properly introduced myself yet, David and Becky," she said. "My name is Matilde Jørgensen, the team principal of Scuderia Ferrari. It is a pleasure to have you here. How are you doing? How was the trip from The States?"

Silvia saw it happening. Embarrassment. Her cheeks turned pink in shame, but it was understandable. At first Charles looked perplexed, but a small smile appeared on his face. "How dare she act like that?" Silvia asked disapprovingly.

Charles' eyes shot to Silvia. "I mean, she is not wrong. How do you not know who the team principal is when a team invites you?"

"Fair, but the way she still got them water. She joins the moment like she is a..."

"A boss ass bitch," Galileo finished the sentence, who joined them after he saw it happening.

"Galileo," she hissed.

He only shrugged. "She says and does the things no one dares to say or do."

Silvia and Charles were about to walk away, leaving Matilde, Galileo and the guests alone in the lounge, ready to go to their next appointment. However, Galileo stopped them, wanting to interrogate Charles.

"How did your 'appointment' go?" Galileo asked Charles and raised one eyebrow. "How rebellious of you, talking to Matilde while she clearly said you couldn't talk to her. What did you do?"

Charles rolled his eyes and sighed. "Get over it, Galileo."

"What? What happened?" Silvia stirred.

"Matilde asked me to keep Charles away from her because of what happened in Austria, and yet he spoke to her. And it wasn't just a small talk, it was way louder than that," Galileo amusingly said.

She gave a side eye to Charles.

"The entire top floor could enjoy it too..."

"What?" Silvia didn't want to ask it, but she was imagining a scene. And she hoped it wasn't true.

"They argued for an hour straight," Galieo mentioned. "How are things going now?"

Charles crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked disapprovingly at Galileo. "Fine, we talked, and we are okay now. Nothing special happened," he answered the question, not giving any details.

Galileo looked impressed, slightly disappointed. "I would have let you suffer for a couple of more days, but fine." With that being said, he walked to the lounge and sat down on the couch across from Matilde.

"Okay..." Silvia mouthed. "Anyway, I'm glad everything is fine now. But how was she yesterday?" As much as she wanted to know everything about the fight, she knew it was private between the two of them.

"Like herself, why?" Charles looked questionable. "Well, a bit irritable, but that was probably because of me."

She nodded slowly. "She looks exhausted, I'm starting to get worried. The way she snapped in the meeting isn't like Matilde at all. She would handle the situation with care. And now this," she signed at the guests.

"Hmm. Well, this morning, during breakfast, I have not seen her eat anything. And also not during lunch."

"I will look after her."

Just when Charles wanted to say something else to Silvia, he was called to the guests. The man and woman looked hopeful and happy, while Matilde looked for help. Luckily, the guests couldn't see Matilde's facial expression. Charles stepped towards the guests, but he kept looking at Matilde, who started to look more and more miserable.

* * *

There was one last meeting at the track today: the team principal's meeting. It was quite an important one for everyone since they got introduced to some new rules.

"Matilde, do you have to say anything?" Stefano Domenicali asked at the end of the meeting, his brows furrowing with concern. "You have been awfully quiet."

Every person in the meeting room looked at the team principal in red; indeed, she had been awfully quiet during the entire meeting. Usually, she would have a say on something, bring in a topic or just crack a sarcastic comment. However, tonight was just... off. She hadn't even said hello when she entered the room, she sat in the back, barely made notes and just stared in front of her. She wasn't herself.

Matilde looked up. "I don't have to say anything. I'm all good," she mentioned.

A collective concern lingered in the room. Her response was curt, lacking the usual energy that characterised her presence in these meetings.

"Are you okay?" Christian asked, he sat two seats away from Matilde. He noticed a change in her behaviour.

She mustered a weak smile and looked at Christian, attempting to brush off the inquiry. "Just tired, you know."

He nodded, seemingly accepting her explanation, but the room's collective gaze lingered. The air held a peculiar tension, a subtle awareness that something was wrong with one of their fellow team principals.

As the meeting came to an end, a question was being asked by Zac Brown, McLaren's CEO. "The food is ready in the next room. Should we call it a night and have dinner?"

Many people agreed, and left the room. However, Matilde didn't move, she couldn't move, she had too little energy to get up and move. She looked down at her empty notebook, trying to focus on not throwing up, but it became difficult as she started to smell food from the room next to theirs. She swallowed hard when she felt something coming up her throat, managing to keep it in. When she looked up from her notebook, she only saw Toto, who remained in the room, waiting for Matilde.

"Are you really okay?" Toto asked.

Initially touched by his gesture, Matilde's relief quickly gave way to a surge of nausea. She started to realise it was not just part of her upcoming menstruation, but it was more. She nodded and gathered her belongings, the onset of discomfort in her abdomen now more pronounced. For the last few days, she had attributed to fatigue; perhaps it was the stress of managing an F1 team, and it was taking its toll. But the pain and nausea didn't make sense. The persistent pain in her stomach was becoming harder to ignore.

She walked towards the exit of the room, she winced at a sudden, sharp pain in her lower right abdomen. It was as if a vice was squeezing her stomach. She steadied herself against a table by putting her hands on it, closing her eyes, taking a deep breath, hoping the pain would subside. It didn't.

Toto stepped towards Matilde with a concerned look in his eyes, and he grabbed her arm. Matilde may be an opponent, but health came first, and when something was off, they were there for each other. "Matilde," Toto said worriedly.

"I'm fine," she breathed, taking another deep breath when standing up again. She opened her eyes and blinked a couple of times. She decided to skip dinner and return to the hotel room immediately. A hot shower, more painkillers and a good night's rest would probably help her through the discomfort she was going through now. Toto squeezed his eyebrows together. "I'm fine," she reassured him. "I'm going back to the hotel room," she announced.

The Mercedes team principal let go of her arm when she stepped away. He first had to find someone from Ferrari to share his concerns and then he would go to the dinner thing in the room next to them. His eyes followed the Dane when she walked to the exit. However, as she reached the doorpost, she nearly collapsed.

With each step Matilde took, the pain intensified, it became a challenge, and cold sweat formed on her forehead. Unbeknownst to her, her face had lost its usual colour. She hesitated, hand on her abdomen, realising it was not a normal fatigue. The pain became relentless, pulsating, and she felt an unexplainable sense of urgency. It was then that the discomfort intensified to a searing pain, and another wave of nausea washed over her. She stumbled, trying to stay stable by placing her hand on the wall.

Toto didn't hesitate and rushed over to her. He grabbed her arm and placed his hand on her lower back to support her. "Horner!" Toto yelled into the hallway. "You are not okay, Matilde," he said to Matilde.

"What is going on?" Christian asked when entering the room with a plate in his hand. He looked from Toto, to Matilde, back to Toto. Matilde didn't look great, Toto looked concerned. "What is going on?"

"Call an ambulance, get the medical team here for now," Toto instructed. "She is not okay," he worriedly said.

Matilde's face was a picture of anguish as the pain continued to rack her body. Her unusually stoic demeanour had given way to visible distress. She clung to Toto for support. Her vision blurred. The walls seemed to close in around her.

"Fuck," Christian said and put his plate on the table. He turned around and ran into the hallway towards the office of the medical centre. He couldn't think about what could be wrong with her, he could only think about getting the right help for her. "Matilde has collapsed. Call an ambulance," he mentioned hopelessly.

The two remaining people in the office got up, grabbed their bag, and ran with Christian back to the meeting room. Once back in the meeting room, Toto had placed Matilde on a chair. Toto and Christian exchanged concerned glances as they saw Matilde's condition deteriorating rapidly. She looked pale, and she was drenched in cold sweat.

The medical team rushed to Matilde's side. They assessed her condition, already doing the job for the ambulance personnel. Matilde didn't allow the medical team to examine her stomach.

"What can it be?" Christian asked silently.

"Matilde has pain in her abdomen, she won't let go of her stomach, slight temperature increase, increased heart rate," a doctor mentioned. "The ambulance is on its way, she needs to go to the hospital for further checks."

"Stress?"

"We are not sure yet. It can be anything. She needs to go to the hospital for further examination."

"Fucking hell," Christian breathed and walked around the room, he was worried that it was wrong, very wrong.

Matilde looked at Christian. "Jens," she breathed. She mumbled some things in Danish.

"Where's Bill?" one of the medical guys asked. "He knows Danish and he knows Matilde, it's easier for all of us if he's here."

The other medical guy checked Matilde's heart rate again. "He's not working this weekend."

"What? What do you mean?" Christian asked, putting all his attention to Matilde, and kneeled down next to her.

"Call Jens," she whispered and swallowed hard. "He's here." She unlocked her phone and handed it over to Christian.

He went to her contacts and called Jens. "He's your brother, right?"

"Yes."

"She's gonna puke," Toto almost shouted in panic.

The doctor quickly grabbed a bin and held it on Matilde's lap. Not much came out of her stomach, but it was a sign of sickness. Christian spoke to Jens, urgently asking him to come to the paddock and the FIA building, ensuring he would be granted access to the facilities.

After a couple of minutes Jens entered the room, the other team principal's and other staff members were waiting in the hallway, all being concerned about what was happening. The ambulance arrived and the paramedics rushed to Matilde's side. They assessed her condition and talked to the medical staff. Matilde was transported to the ambulance, ready to go to the hospital.

"Would someone please inform Ferrari about Matilde being absent for at least this weekend?" Jens asked and looked at Christian and Toto. "We will get in touch with you once we know more. Thank you for looking after her," he gave the two team principles a reassuring smile and walked to the ambulance.

Christian and Toto were left behind in the meeting room, the rush and adrenaline slowly disappeared. They looked around, still processing the moment.

"I knew something was off, but I didn't know it was this bad," Christian mentioned and grabbed his phone. "I will go to Ferrari and inform them," he said.

"Great idea. And keep me updated," Toto nodded. "I hope it is nothing too bad."

"Fingers crossed," Christian hummed and left the room. "We don't have any information yet," he mentioned to the others, who were waiting in the hallway. "But it's probably not life-threatening." When he left the building, he hurried to Ferrari's hospitality to inform them about the situation.

Next chapter

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos@crashingwavesofeuphoria@maryvibess @chocolatefartstrawberry @snzleclerc

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alexiavettel · 2 years ago

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chapter four

"The world was whole then, the sun and the moon together as one"

pairing: charles leclerc x fem¡stroll!reader

word count: 2.3k+

warnings: explicit language, mentions of sex, a bit of car stuff cause i have any self control, asshole!charles, almost panic attack and sensible leclerc.

disclaimer: any photo used is not supposed to represent the reader, all all Pinterest pics that matches the context

<<< previous part

February 23th, 2022

Spain, Barcelona- pre-season testing

“Are you excited for the press conference? At least you’re with Lewis, George and Seb” Liv asked grinning.

“For the only questions be about if I’m fucking Leclerc or not?”

“Well, are you?”

“LIV??? Have you gone mad? What the fuck girl?”

“Sorry darling but maybe a hate fuck would help with all the endless bickering-"

“I would never!”

“Gotta quote the biggest singer of all time ‘never say never’” she didn’t really sang this in the middle of the paddock, right?

“Have you just- Justin Bieber really?”

“Why not?”

“But why?”

•

“This question is for all of you, after having experienced the new car how do you think it will perform this season? Best or worse than the W12 and AMR21? Respectively” an older woman asks us

“If you say it’s better than the W12 I give up my seat” I cracked a joke before Lewis could speak and the room erupted in a chorus of laughter

“Well, like our dear Y/n mentioned it would be hard to overcome the W12 so in some aspects the W13 is a bit worse but all of us are putting plenty of effort into it”

“Yes, and that maybe means not a so good start of season for us but we are going to give our best and try to set the car in the way we need and want” just by hearing George speaking the British in me threatens to take place.

“But we sure will find a- not easy- but fast way to the top! Overall is a good car after analysing the data, we are glad of the recent results but we are looking forward to new updates during the year indeed”

“Thank you, boys. And what about the AMR22?”

“The green is great!” and that ladies and gentlemen was Sebastian Vettel

“Seb!” I laughed because my brother said EXACTLY the same thing after the car launch

“But it’s impossible to predict where we will be, at this stage. But surely, we're on the climb, so we want to be better than last year. Last year, we had our difficulties and I think for many reasons we should be better off this year.”

“Someone here got along better with the car than this old man but certainly the excitement is very high, and the potential as well that the team is gathering, the momentum to pick up during the season and improve the car throughout the season, I think, our potential is just rising. I can't wait to get on track, see where we are, and get going.”

“We are very optimistic but at the same time, there are so many new things, with new tyres, completely new cars, lots of new challenges. I hope the field will be closer together, that will give us more chances to race and race more at the front than we did last year. But realistically, the answer at the moment is we don't know and we have to be a little bit more patient to give you a proper good answer”

“We indeed have big potential to be championship contenders in the future, as our team has already mentioned in the car launch we are in year two of our five-year plan to grow more. If we are talking about data we got better results but we don’t know compared to the rest of the field. All we can do is hope and keep pushing.”

“Oi, that’s my line!” Lewis scolded me

“Now about the bachelors of this press, or should I say only one bachelor now? There are rumours about you Stroll, being in a relationship with Leclerc can you confirm?” I knew this question was about to come but I still can feel an uncomfortable amount of eyes burning me, including my fellow drivers.

“The internet is assuming this only because of a jet ski ride? Well the only thing I can confirm at the moment is that we are close friends who were enjoying our last free days together with other friends”

“In the moment? Sus for me”

“Shut up George or did you forget I can steal your girl?” this bitch “Love you, Carmen!” I searched the camera crew and said with an enamoured smile.

“Will you ever let this die?”

“Never” me and the two older drivers said together laughing at Russell’s disappointed face.

All this fuss about me and Carmen was because of a game of fuck, marry or kill in 2020

“Okay now what about Yn, Alonso and Albon” Danny asked in the middle of the group formed by me, Seb, Lewis, George and Carmen, Daniel, Alex and Lily, Lando and Lance.

“Ow can I fuck and marry Yn?” Carmen spilled out without thinking twice, as some of us die in laughter and the others were too stunned to speak (George was clearly the latter)

“I’m flattered girl, it’s about time” I joked while she seated in my lap laughing (drunk Carmen is something else)

“Can I join?” Lily asked fake pouting while Alex and George went whining.

“Babe I’m literally in the game?” Alex almost cried.

“I’m not even able to say anything”

“The boy just got flabbergasted” Lewis chimed in making fun of his new teammate.

“Oh god give the poor boy a minute” Seb said struggling to keep his laugh.

So if one of us dares to tell this to the public we might get killed by a 1.85 brit who tends to persuade people with powerpoints.

“But no I’m not in a relationship at the moment and not with the Ferrari’s golden boy” I tried to say in a sweet tone but Seb noticed the hidden bitterness.

•

Charles Leclerc POV:

“So Charles please tell us, rumours had surfaced about you being in a relationship with your former teammate, Y/n Stroll. What do you have to say about it?”

“No comments” for real? That’s the first question I get?

“Well, given your last relationship these rumours are alarming right?” He's trying to piss me off? “Especially considering Stroll is a driver as well and has an enviable reputation so that could cause problems on the track, right?”

“I think that you could just stop snooping around my private life and focus on track” I couldn't hold myself, when I looked over to Mia Djacic (best known as my dear press officer) I felt her piercing eyes burning me. Yep Charles, prepare yourself for the lecture.

•

“You know that in Bahrain you will be in a serious relationship with Stroll right?! You can’t pull things like that, oh my God Charles you just give me problems!-” Mia started her lecture the moment she closed the door of my driver’s room.

“Then quit- Sorry I didn't mean that” why do you keep doing that?

“Oh, you meant it. Otherwise, you wouldn't have said. I've been with you since Alfa Romeo, don’t bullshit me now Charles! You need to learn how to control yourself, man!”

“But you saw what he said, I am tired of these people thinking they know everything about me!”

“Stop screaming, Charl” it’s so infuriating that I keep losing control over this shit, I just don’t know what to do is natural.

“I’m sorry… They just make me so fucking mad, that it’s impossible to hold myself. And you can believe I gained 300K new followers on Instagram after that pic of me and Y/n? They speak about her like she’s some type of angel! Like she’s perfect and better than me but look who is in Ferrari? She doesn’t even has a fucking win yet!”

“Are you mad because the questions were about your private life or because they put in a way like Y/n is better than you?”

“I don’t know? I just hate all this and-”

“The FIA’s director spoke with Binotto about you.”

“WHAT?”

“About your ‘unjustifiable and rude attitudes’ lately, they threatened to give you a penalty”

“Grid penalties? That isn’t fair! I-”

“Not grid penalties but to all the team, because apparently Ferrari can’t control a driver” I can’t believe what I’m hearing…

“They can actually do this?...” I asked and the blonde in front of me just shrugged with a lopsided smile in answer “I’m sorry Mia, but can you leave now? I need some time alone”

“Sure, Charl. But remember what I told you in Monaco last year, being a driver is not just about driving. And Y/n will be waiting for you in 25 minutes in the parking lot by the way”

Oh awesome!

•

“Are your eyes red?” that’s not possible, I checked myself in the mirror before going out.

“Are you worried about me, darling?” I tried to joke but she touched my arm making me turn to her.

“Don’t play with me, Leclerc. What happened? Are your family okay?”

“I ain’t playing. And yeah, everyone is fine”

“So what is it? Why were you crying?” She holds me tighter.

“It’s nothing, for God’s sake Y/n” I managed to make her let go of my arm. I don’t know why she is doing this…

“Charles, can't you grow up? You are clearly fucked up and I wanna know why so I can maybe help you”

“Are you high? You trying to help me?”

“If you try and think a bit more than your little brain normally can, you gonna figure out that if we are actually doing this dating thing we have to act like adults and try to be better for each other”

“Okay I get it, but it’s nothing really” can’t believe but she’s kinda right

“It’s about the press, isn’t it?” she got to hold my arm again.

“Why do you think this?”

“Because you probably got scolded by every pr soul in your team? Or because you have a mouth bigger than your control?”

“Ow shut up!”

“So I got it, huh? What type of trouble did you get yourself into this time? Please tell me I won’t have to kiss you in front of everyone to get your bare reputation back!”

“Ew, but yeah the shit hit the fan and if I continue with mine ‘unjustifiable and rude attitudes’ the entire team are going to get in trouble with FIA. Oh God, I don’t even know why I am telling you that!”

“Oh I got you”

“What do you mean?”

“You’re bringing a bad image not only for Ferrari but to all Formula One. This happened to me once, they threatened to give a strike”

“Why? Aren’t you their little miss perfect?”

“Because I tried to set a stand in Saudi Arabia last year for women who were banned from driving until 2018 and for women's rights in general”

“But Hamilton and-”

“Yep FIA allowed me to make the stand only after the boys proposed, Lew and Seb supported me since F2 so when I told them about it cause I was scared and they threatened FIA back saying they would quit” she said laughing.

“Not surprising coming from FIA…”

“Exactly but don’t get me wrong boy, you really need to work on your reputation. You might even lose your seat, and we both know how hard you fought for it. Don’t waste it by being hot-headed, come on man you’re in Ferrari! You want to be a driver for Ferrari since, what? Since you were 7? You can’t waste it!”

When I started shaking she noticed mid-sentence and hugged me tight, she said exactly what my dad say in that letter…

“I don’t know what’s happening right now, Y/n. Sometimes looks like everything is going down! Somehow I’m always in the middle of something, and people say like I am the one to blame. I know I am wrong for being so fucking easy to be pissed off but they don’t know shit about me and they keep painting me as a villain” I pulled away from her to look into her eyes “I hate to lose control, Y/n! And I don’t know what to do, I never do!”

“We might not like each other, Leclerc. But we fought too much, too many fucking years tolerating shit from everyone to finally make it to F1. And look where we fucking are now! If you don’t know what to do for you, do it for your younger self, who always dreamed about beating me in F1! You just need to wait a little more until I get a real competitive car so I can properly beat your ass. So start thinking more before speaking or acting, hold your anger to the track. Just try to not break my arm again in the process…”

Her eyes are different while she is talking to me like this. A different kind of glint, a gentle way (which is extremely weird since I am never the receiving end of this type of glances). She smiles like she knows everything but not in an annoying way, but like she knows what is happening and is sure everything is going to be alright, it’s kinda comfortable. I ask myself if that is what the public see, only this part of her. Have to admit, it’s kinda mesmerising.

“And I know this is not the best moment to say this but tomorrow we have to come together in the paddock” she said in one breath with a cheshire grin “in my car by the way”

“S-Sure”

“Sure? Oh god you must’ve been really fucked up to agree with me this easy. I got to go, okay? Drive safe, bye Charles” she enters her dark green car and away she goes without one more word.

If I am being honest, I don’t have any fucking idea what just happened. It's like I was talking with a complete different person, a caring and thoughtful old friend. But she’s her. End of it. I don’t know how she knows that I wanted to be a Ferrari driver since I was 7, or what words she could use to actually push me through this shit and not get me anymore mad. But she knew.

@laura-naruto-fan1998 hope you enjoyed <3

my taglist!!

#charles leclerc x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc imagine #charles leclerc fanfic #formula 1 imagine #formula one fanfiction #formula uno #f1 fanfic #f1 #aston martin f1 #ferrari f1 #f1 fandom #formula one #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 x y/n #charles leclerc x female reader

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grimbz007 · 2 months ago

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Friday, 26th October 2024,

How to unlock your creavity, a reminder to one’s self:

I want to track my progress, bit by bit, and witness my growth over time. Some may say my drive for improvement is overly ambitious, but for me, it’s rooted in hope…

A hope to finally succeed and, perhaps more deeply, a desire to prove to my parents that my decision to pursue art full-time was the right one. Every step forward, no matter how small, brings me closer to realising both my dreams and my belief in the path I’ve chosen

Again, I am in my first year…

My teacher recommended me this book, It’s book about animation, by Shamaus Culhane, he became the lead designer for Snow White. Fun fact: He was on the verge of being fired in his earlier years

Honestly… It’s inspiring to look back and see how people in the past, with far less technology than we have today, still found ingenious ways to solve complex problems. It’s comforting to realise that, with time these struggles and uncertainties, that I’m facing now, will begin to face, again with due time…

This reminds me of how artists in earlier times used pinholes to aid in their painting…a simple yet brilliant tool! Honestly, reinforces the idea how references are so important!

(Another nice reminder to use them)

The author begins by describing how their animation work seemed to occur in two distinct stages.

The first stage was a “daydream” phase characterised by a burst of energy where the artist avoided contemplation, allowing their subconscious mind to take over! (Introspection was absent during this part of the process)

The second stage was more deliberate, involving conscious thought and analysis, where the artist took time to reflect on the drawing and the emotions it conveyed.

The author references a specific book, which discusses the functions of the brain and the idea that the right side is more creative, while the left side is more analytical.

We can see it through how he highlights the quote from the book he read, stating that the brain works best when daydreaming, hinting at the value of the right hemisphere in the creative process.

This section concludes by illustrating the practical results of this theory, showing a set of drawings that progressively improve within a short span of time. These drawings exemplify how activating the right side of the brain leads to creative breakthroughs!

Again, I also do think Pomodoro technique works wonders!

Especially with an artist with ADHD (like me), it’s basically when break your work time into intervals (traditionally 25 minutes long, but I do around 30 minutes, since I have been training my brain) called “Pomodoros,” followed by short breaks (usually 5 minutes, once again I do 2 minutes each)

REMEMBER TO PLAN PLAN PLAN! BEFORE YOU DRAW OR YOU END UP BLANK……………..

Anyway, the author quotes that when creativity is in demand, the right side must suppress the left side’s desire to control and analyse. To maintain the creative flow, it’s important to avoid overthinking, as even a single moment of conscious thought can halt the creative process.

In summary, this chapter of the book (3) emphasises the distinction between the analytical and creative functions of the brain, showing how the creative side flourishes when allowed to operate without interference from the more rational side.

It suggests that achieving artistic breakthroughs requires letting go of conscious thought and trusting the intuitive, subconscious processes associated with the right side of the brain, which… Worked!

❤️ Less thinking more working, get your ideas down on paper so you can develop them into the thoughts you want! That’s how you can truely create what you think about!

Examples of drawings I did with this new mindset! They roughly took the same amount of time, around 10-45 minutes! (Done in span of 2 days, school work is such a bitch…)

#art #self improvement

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illmamnim · 3 months ago

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Hey guys, you should read Grey Is...

Spoilers for volume 10 (and previous)

A while back, I found this post about "to be loved is to be seen" with a quote by Marguerite Duras: "I don't know if love is a feeling, sometimes I think it's a matter of seeing." And this line captured me, but I wasn't sure why. There's much to say about eye content breeding intimacy, but that's not it. It's not about mutual looking, only looking. As if something only exists when you look at it, and it can so easily be gone once you look away. While love, if you can call it a singular emotion, doesn't need seeing to be felt, it demands it to be understood. It wants to shift your entire focus, if to analyze it or to involve your senses in it. So maybe "seeing" isn't entirely literal, but a matter of focus.

In Grey Is... the lighthouse is a major theme, in both text and subtext. It symbolizes many things, from loneliness to guidance to security, but I'd like to look at it as a representation of focus. Fittingly, I used to compare focus to a flashlight, where one thing is seen clearly but everything else is shaded and almost non existent. Shifting the flashlight itself is possible, but then you have to trust that you'll remember where the object was among the darkness. The lighthouse represents this thought similarly, with a lot more nuance in story.

To White, Black needs to be in his light or else he'd lose him. If White won't pay attention, if he'll lose Black in the darkness, he doesn't know if he'll be able to find him again. This is one of the points Danial analyses- watching over Black gives White purpose. But this isn't entirely true, because it's not a sense of purpose, "Black makes me feel like I exist." as he said to Lana. If love is a matter of seeing, what is existence? What are we beyond how others see us? Is being perceived not what makes and builds us? And if it is, what are the unloved? Unseen? Non existent.

To Black, with his memories obscured and unorganized, this focus is nearly impossible, and so he uses White's light to guide him. The truth is that he doesn't know how brightly he shines. If White assumes that any darkness from him would dim the whole world, Black assumes he can never be a light at all. But he's looking now. White spent chapters trying to fight his need for perfection so that things can go wrong and fix themselves. He's letting the lighthouse spotlight turn, exist in motion, and let Black sail to him on his own.

Taking a small step back from metaphors, this chapter is all about looking and love. Black's on a quest to find missing puzzle pieces of his memories and for the first time allows himself to take off the mask. A mask that protected his loved ones but obscured his view. He looks at Irina, who was there for him more than he thought. He looks at Waseem, not as a sweet kid that can do no wrong, but as someone who's aware of things around him, good and bad. He looks at Ritta and their family, the people he wanted to protect by pushing away and keeping in the dark but who want to be there for him and could only do so through White. He looks at Jad (and recognizes that he can't look back) and sees a reflection of his childhood through the eyes of someone who watched over him. Now he's looking at White, and sees him look away. He knew this already, that White looks away when things get to close, but now he refuses, he won't let him. A half moon in the sky, the way Black shines and the way White dims is so moon-like (Chapter 13: Page 34) and they're shattering this fragile happiness in favour of a solid ground.

There's much more that can be said here, honestly - Jad's blindness, the car lights, even about just this and going panel by panel to dissect it - but it's pretty late and I don't know how readable it is at this point lol

#guys this manga is keeping me up at night you can't skip on it #grey is #grey is...#analysis #the best thing about going into this story after knowing spoilers is that trust me it's still confusing (affectionate)#unreliable narrators make the brain go brrrr #i honestly post these on tumblr to spread awareness #the discord and streams are already great

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kyouka-supremacy · 2 years ago

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One of the reasons I love sskk is that you get the best of both worlds. One day I will analyse the way they are both mirrored versions of each other and the same and the next day I will clown them to hell and back because both are dumbasses (affectionate)

(Sorry if I'm sending you too many asks. I don't have anyone in my life that has read BSD, so this gives me a chance to talk about it [and my sons]. Love your blog ^-^)

THAT IS SO TRUE. They are a full 360° ship where you just can't go wrong. They'll be unpacking their deepest fears and bringing out the darkest sides of their minds and hitting and hitting and hitting because they hate themselves so much that they can't help but wanting the person that is most similar to them dead and then right after they'd be like “this riding experience is terrible” and “want to get some tea or something” and “you don't shop normally in normal places!” and whatever delightful thing their inexperienced attempts at plotting in chapter 85 was. They're profound and silly at the same time and it's so amusing and it basically forces you to want to pinch and pull at them untill you've seen all the forms their interactions can take.

Random babbling incoming but like. Their apparent stupidity and simplicity is exactly as important as the narrative symbolism and depth of their connection, because that's what makes them human, and relatable. We CAN'T all be supergenius, and sskk are so so ///so/// flawed, and it's so beautiful in its own way!!! Because humans are flawed, and it makes them feel all the more realistic and easy to sympathize with. And - crazy enough, listen to me carefully here - this duality of depth and simplicity is itself yet another side to the way the two mirror each other. Where Atsushi is always dwelling on his past and overthinking his actions, Akutagawa holds a way more simple, straightforward mindset: he's the “what a foolish question” and he's the “I don't need words, only actions”. I think they really work perfectly together, because Akutagawa often comes as someone who can help ground Atsushi from the ghosts that surround him, make him understand that the past is gone and what matters is here and now (see chapter 35 “The words of your past are fundamentally unrelated to who you are now”). Relating such concept, it's now been more than a month but I haven't been able to stop thinking about this reply from a fic author- quoting it directly because I wouldn't be able to explain it any better. (Please, make sure to read their works if you have the chance, they're incredible)

one of my favorite parts of bsd is how it addresses that 1. your emotional realities are valid and should be lived out and 2. sometimes mental blocks are solved not by indulging in them but by a reality check. sometimes when a person says “it feels like i’m drowning in my emotions”, “learn to swim” is a correct response. it’s silly and funny, but it’s also true. akutagawa engages with a lot of atsushi’s emotional realities by directly telling him: you have to move on. not in a “get over it” dismissive way, but in a “that’s just what you have to do” way. it’s a reminder that things are not hopeless, and they could never be, and indulging such a notion is mighty silly.

That's exactly it. I've particularly been reflecting over the “learn to swim” figure because it's. so silly and at the same time so serious and important in the way it perfectly‚ flawlessly exemplifies this aspect of the sskk relationship and in what Atsushi and Akutagawa are so different. The way they can actually, realistically help each other overcome their insecurity and fears, the way they unintentionally yet perfectly push each other to be better people every day makes me insane.

#There's not such thing as sending too many asks! Apologies if I take time to answer though ////#atsushi nakajima #ryūnosuke akutagawa #sskk #shin soukoku #bsd #bungou stray dogs #people asks me stuff

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sparkymalone · 5 months ago

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Hi Baron!

Since I used to love commenting chapter analyses on AO3, I thought I’d do it again but on here. Sometimes I’ll be too lazy to :P

Sometimes, I also wanna do Character Analyses, like today!

Before I go on, I’d like to put a warning. I’m going to mention Oedipal Complex type stuff. What I mean when I talk about this is NOT that certain characters want to share sexual relations with their parents. What I mean to get across is how their parents’s parenting styles affect them and their platonic, romantic and sexual relationships

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu:

Fuyuhiko is your best character. By far. You have him down to an art and I wanna go into why.

Firstly, you nail his Tsundere personality. You also nicely demonstrate why he has those traits when you explore his background, relationships with Peko and Natsumi and ,of course, his parents

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu is a tsundere for an obvious reason. Growing up in the Yakuza, he was not surrounded by the typical warm environment most children have. This obviously would not lead to a well adjusted adult.

Natsumi. She affected him in certain ways. The biggest was an immediate competition. While Fuyuhiko is the heir, he canonically has doubts about himself and wonders if, maybe, Nat should be the one in line. If maybe he should be the one in second place. This, immediately, makes him dive deeper into his gruff, unfriendly persona because, in his mind, to show weakness would confirm those thoughts.

Peko. Peko Pekoyama speaks to a part of Fuyuhiko he hates. His remorse. He feels guilt for the way she views him, how she views herself. He hates that she views herself as less than human because, deep down, he loves her as a friend, as a sister. He can’t say this though, because this too shows weak vulnerability.

His Parents have obviously glaring effects. His father’s coldness was obviously a huge influence on him. He clearly was raised to believe the leader of a Yakuza clan should be 100% cold and dark. Meanwhile, Fuyuhiko’s mother nurtured Fuyuhiko’s inner warmth that he hides. Without her, the Ultimate Yakuza would likely be a lot more genuinely cruel.

The relationship BETWEEN his parents also affected Fuyuhiko. He was raised seeing a marriage as an anti-equilibrium. His dad had so much more power than Fuyuhiko’s mama. This made it clear (in his mind) tender loving was something to be embarrassed about.

Now, Hajime Hinata. His relationship with Hajime is my main analysis.

The first thing I’ll mention, is his attraction. Hajime is everything Fuyuhiko covets. He’s warm and loving. He accepts Fuyuhiko as a person instead of respecting him as a yakuza. He’s normal, not a Yakuza or Ultimate. This is likely what drew the Ultimate Cocksleeve to Hajime in the first place.

Together, Hajime is kind to Fuyuhiko. He puts up with his surliness. He understands why Fuyuhiko behaves the way he does and doesn’t judge him for it. This means a lot to the Yakuza. He doesn’t have to force himself to be something he’s not. He’s allowed to have boundaries, and only be soft when he allows it. Speaking of which, Hajime’s love of Fuyuhiko’s soft moments is another thing the heir adores. With Hajime, Fuyuhiko can show love. He can show warmth. It might be shy and reluctant, but he can do it. This is so important.

Sex. The big one.

Hajime, genuinely, might be Fuyuhiko’s ideal sexual partner. To quote a song I love, “Romantic love but keep it rough.” This is perfect for the pair. Hajime fulfils Fuyuhiko’s submissive fantasies perfectly. He’s rough when Fuyuhiko wants it, gentle when Fuyuhiko needs it.

This is only half of it. Anyone could pound Fuyuhiko. Hajime also cares for him. He shows love and warmth. Something foreign to the yakuza, and something he’s sorely missing. The heir, despite his insistence on seeming strong, loves being allowed to be soft and gentle

Okay. Now to look at WHY Fuyuhiko likes being submissive.

Growing up, Fuyuhiko was the clan leader from birth. This is so much responsibility. So much to deal with. This, accompanied by his cold father, meant Fuyuhiko constantly has to overthink what he’s doing and how he presents himself.

And this, in short, makes him Submissive.

When he’s being dominated, being told what to do, he’s free from the need to be strong. He’s no longer the big yakuza heir. He’s just someone being controlled. The more sexual part, the feeling of being used, appeals to Fuyuhiko for roughly the same reason. He feels like a toy, the opposite of what he normally is. He likes feeling small and owned.

Getting into the Oedipal complex side of things, because everyone has at least some level of one. Part of why he likes being dominated, is the attention and care he gets fills a void his cold father left. His mother was warmer, yes, but with his dad there she couldn’t be a normal, sweet parent. He gets to be treated like a precious commodity that needs safeguarding.

All in all, Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu is a complicated individual. Under all his bravado and coldness, he’s a lonely individual that wants someone to show him the love and care he covets.

Sorry for the wordiness~.

🖤🩶🤍💜

Your analyses are always my favorite 💖💖💖

I think your breakdown of Fuyuhiko's character and why he is the way he is is spot on. His relationship with everyone in his family is so complicated, and it really shaped him into someone who craves love, but can't express that (and probably doesn't even recognize it).

I want to mention that, while his mom was clearly more nurturing than his father, she wasn't perfect either. In the game, Fuyuhiko mentions her talking about being able to kill the one you love, and I think that definitely affects how Fuyuhiko views love itself. He wants someone who will love and cherish him, definitely, but he also wants someone who he can fight with, someone not afraid to challenge him. That's one of the many reasons Hajime is so perfect for him: he doesn't take his bullshit, lol.

Anyway, your analysis is perfect and I love you 💖

I hope you do more characters!

#danganronpa #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #kuzuhina #sdr2 #hajime hinata #asks #everyone appreciate my son or i will burn tumblr to the ground #lmfao

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cyclist-of-guilt · 1 year ago

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You know…when you go to college in Germany reading Goethe’s Faust is a right of passage. You don’t get around it I think.

from what I’ve seen…Mephistopheles is always liked. He’s the star of the show- the moneymaker. You don’t root for faust - he’s an awful piece of shit - you want Meph to drag that old mf into hell and eternal damnation. (I’m also convinced that many girls in my class found him hot- like not even based on appearence, based on character alone which I think proves that Meph? Rizz.)

also i just wanted to say I’d love to show the Faust game to some German teachers and let them try to analyse it but I think they’d just rip me into pieces after that :( also most of them are really nice and I don’t want to expose them to anything they see in frank’s chapter.

I see! I don't think it was on required reading even on humanities in high school at my times and probably isn't now (minister of education probably thinks it's satanic Germanic book that doesn't thech maiden virtues lol). I knew it pretty much started "what if devil actually were pretty cool" trend in literature which I love and also my father sometimes quoted "I'm part of that power which eternally wills evil and eternally works good" which kinda altered my brain chemistry as child.

And getting teacher to react to game is great idea lol maybe I should recruit my middle school polish teacher for help with the video since I'm her pedagogical miracle 🤔 that kind of analysis is general idea for the video but I'm 1. Idiot who stopped giving shit about studying humanities in highschool; 2. Can't read German and reading in English something so poetic is pain in ass so I'm starting with Polish but then translation problem and shit; 3. Hadn't written anything that wasn't technical in fucking years

#Reply

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dishtothedeath · 2 years ago

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...You Gotta Break Some Eggs [Chapter One Start 2/2]

“There’s two aspects to this competition.”

Skull-kun holds up two fingers—he speaks in a very animated and fluid manner… for a robot.

“Of course, we’ve got the very obvious cooking aspect. Our first challenge will commence in a week, where we will call you to this very kitchen and ask you to serve up your best dish yet.” “Us three—”

Skull-kun gestures to Ides and Biscuit Beastie on either side of him.

“—will determine who cooked up the best meal. How do robot judges even taste? I can already predict what you are going to ask. Well, I assure you, we are programmed with a very sophisticated palette. We can analyse the ingredients down to the naught point naught percent, with sensors that can detect different types of textures and temperatures. We will know in an instant whether something is under or overcooked, or completely lacking in flavour. Cooking is a science, when you think about it.” “The second aspect to this competition has never been seen before on Live Television. We want Dish to the Death to be the very definition of drama and to hold up to its own name. So!”

Skull-kun claps his little metal hands together.

“Not only will you be competing against each other in the kitchen! We are pitting you against each other… to the death. Quite literally.”

Biscuit Beastie's grin seems to widen, despite its immobile expression remaining exactly the same. It lets out a slow chortle.

"Eliminatin' the competition… makes an uneven playin' field a lil' fairer, ain't it."

With a whirr of hydraulics, it clamps down one heavy hand on Ides' shoulder– just in case they decide to distance themselves from the other two judges.

"You can take the opportunity to murder a contestant at any 'ol time... but if you get caught, you lose." Another mirthless chortle. "And you'll only be leaving this island dead or a winner."

Ides looks just as confused as the rest of you, despite the grin stuck to their face. They hesitantly raise a hand as they peer over to the other two judges, clearing their throat with a nervous laugh.

“Ahah—wow, that’s… that’s right! Heaps of metaphors over here! You’d all better murder the competition! Or your career will be dead, I reckon! Aha… ha…”

They swallow the anxious giggle, smile strained as they look at the heavy metal hand on their shoulder.

“Right, Beastie?”

Biscuit Beastie's fingers tap rhythmically, one at a time, on Ides' collar. It shakes its head, tutting sadly.

"Naw, Ides. Naw. Now, you ain't gotta worry because you're not a competitor; you're a judge. But if you were competin', you'd either need to cook SO good there weren't a doubt about winnin', or literally, physically, kill the rest to death. Though. Winnin' will seal the others' fate, anywhich way…"

It trails off thoughtfully, gaze turning back to Skull-kun.

“Now, there will be dire consequences if no one decides to kill each other out of the 'goodness of their heart'-”

Skull-kun says with air quotes and briefly rolls his pixel eyes.

“So, please take initiative and eliminate the competition - literally! There will be grand rewards for those that manage to off someone without being caught. Anything you desire. More money? A restaurant of your own? To be reunited with a loved one? It can be yours… if you play the game.”

“I’m sure some of you are more than willing to be the hunters than the hunted. Good luck… We’ll see you all next week for the cooking challenges. Oh, and don’t forget to take a cookie on your way out!”

He gestures at a plate of what look like chocolate chip cookies on one of the cooking stations. Guess you’d better grab one and get going!

CHAPTER ONE START

#ch1

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 1 year ago

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Analysing my favourite lines from Six of Crows chapter by chapter: Chapter 3, part 3

Same as usual: famous or popular quotes being missed doesn't mean I don't like them it just means I don't have anything new to say, and some quotes will not have explanations because I just like them I don't really have anything to analyse

' "We fed [jurda parem] to three Grisha, one from each order,"

"Happy volunteers?"

"Indentures," ' - the VOLUMES this speaks. And the willingness with which he admits it because it's such a normalised practice??? I think Anya is actually a really underrated character and we should talk about her more

"[amplifiers] only increase a Grisha's power. Jurda parem alters a Grisha's perception" - can we talk about how Leigh Bardugo is a goddamn freaking genius for foreshadowing the plot of KoS/RoW with this single line? Because that's insane. This line specifically implies that the power parem unlocks for a Grisha is always possible, they simply lack the perception or understanding of it to find that power without the drug inhibiting whichever neural pathways it inhibits. The ability to shed yourself of the restrictions created by strict limitations between abilities, the Orders, etc. is always there but because there's such an ingrained cultural belief Grisha have effectively lost the ability to perceive their power in the way the Saints once did. I hope this makes sense, it kind of links to my post about the small science versus magic in terms of the revelation in KoS and RoW. Even Nina explicitly states that Heartrenders and Healers have the same gift but perceive it in different ways, and yeah I feel like I'm rambling but hopefully this makes sense, I think it's incredible foreshadowing particularly because we really think nothing of it in the moment.

' "What does it do to sorry sobs like you and me?"

Van Eck seemed to bristle slightly at being lumped in with Kaz, but he said:

"It's lethal" ' - ok so first of all I love that Van Eck's superiority complex is so very obvious from so early on, and in this particularly moment it's brilliantly conflicted as well because Van Eck will also see himself as superior to Grisha since he owns Mika's contract on indenture and possibly others. Second I would argue this is yet another red herring, I talk about this constantly but Leigh Bardugo embodies her own ideology of 'always hit where the mark isn't looking' in her writing style and will often give us hints that seem like foreshadowing but never come into play, whilst using them to far more subtly foreshadow what actually happens. Have I ever mentioned that I think she's a genius? In this case, reading these lines made me more concerned that an otkazats'ya character such as Kaz or Inej was going to end up injesting the drug and being killed by it than I was a Grisha character such as Nina. Now that's partly becasue this is given to us before we find out the kind of toll the drug takes on a Grisha and so we don't see anything to fear in it for Grisha themselves, only for the otkazats'ya who fear a loss of their dominance/control. In actuality we never see any otkazats'ya character forced to or accidentally ingest the drug, because it's a precious and rare resource that would only be wasted on killing them when there are plenty of other methods, but in this moment - particularly since, as far as we know, we're yet to meet a Grisha main character - parem is established as more threatening to the characters we know than the characters we don't, so our immediate concerns are raised towards them and we let our guard down slightly to the idea of a Grisha main character being threatened by the drug. Now yes, the danger of the drug for Grisha is established very quickly after this, and our fears for Nina taking it do become much more heightened than any other character, even Jesper, during the Ice Court Heist, but there are still a lot of red herrings and hidden pieces of foreshadowing surrounding Nina's ingestion of the drug, most notably Matthias saving her from Jarl Brum and appearing to have alleviated the threat of the drug only for her to take it by her own choice shortly afterwards, and we still have this initial perception in our minds for what we were first told about the drug: powerful to Grisha, lethal to otkazats'ya.

The fear that I've spelt otkazats'ya a different way every time I wrote it in that paragraph is real.

"If it's not identical to gold in every way then the difference has eluded us. Have it tested if you like," - the challenge, the superiority complex, good lord I detest this man

' "Perhaps you heard of the Shu paying off their debt to Kerch with a sudden influx of gold? The assassination of the trade ambassador from Novyi Zem? The theft of documents from a military base in Ravka?"

[...]

Kaz hadn't heard anything about Ravkan documents, but he nodded anyway. ' - I think this is another red herring (????) I remember reading this for the first time and thinking it must be really important but then it never seems to come up again, or at least not that I've noticed in any of my rereads. If anyone has noticed that it's referencing something please let me know because I might just be missing something, but it catches me out every time

' "Financial markets would be thrown into chaos. The world economy would collapse,"

"How very exciting," ' - I love him

' "At the Ice Court,"

Kaz stared at him for a long moment, then burst out laughing. ' - not only is this so goddamn iconic of Kaz but it's actuallu a really clever writing tool as well, because with this reaction and the short exchange that follows Bardugo quickly and succinctly tells us all everything we need to know about the Ice Court at this time, ie it's impenetrable, introduces the main premise of the novel, and successfully hints at her worldbuilding in a way that tells us there's more to discover but we don't have to deal with it right now. It's effectively a brilliant way of avoiding an infodump and it gets to come hand in hand with such an iconic Kaz moment, so bonus points.

"Kaz pocketed his pistol" - this is so funny to me because I'm sure they establish it's Van Eck's pistol but he just takes it and no-one questions him I love it

"There's no point to a fortune I won't be alive to spend" -later echoed by "you can't spend his money if you're dead" and I find this really interesting because it implies that Kaz absolutely has a set price in his mind for everything. Ten million kruge is not worth drying for but thirty is.

"He had the eerie sense that the carved fish on the walls had halted mid-leap to listen" - I love this so much. Just as a quote in itself I love it. But also, there is a kind of theme following through of this discomfort the characters often find in murals, mosaics, and the like, and they are also often used as a metaphor to represent the character's relationships or arcs, such as the wolves destined to run in circles for as long as the Ice Court stands that represent Kaz and Inej or Nina's comment about how Ravkan folk monsters wait to be awoken by the call of heroes, but she is no hero so hopefully no monster will come. I haven't found a satisfying answer for what the carved fish may represent, but they could possibly just link to lack of trust that should be placed in Van Eck and really the uncomfortable feeling should be more about the merch than his decor. I did a little bit of reading about what fish can sometimes represent in Dutch art, the culture on which many aspects of Kerch are based although Ketterdam itself is confirmed to be an amalgamation of cities around the globe with particular emphasis on Dutch-Republic era Amsterdam, and I found out that in the fish would often be shown dead as a warning of moving away from faith by gluttony or greed - so perhaps a symbol of Van Eck's performative religious acts and the greed that truly controls him. (Yes, I actually spent my time researching fish in Dutch art for the purpose of a one sentence reference to carved fish in Six of Crows, and I know what you're thinking: I must be really fun at parties)

"the dream he'd had since he first crawled out of a cold harbour with revenge burning a hole in his heart"

' Mika started to cough, and Kaz saw blood on his sleeve.

"Sit," Van Eck instructed gently, helping Mika into a chair and offering the Grisha his handkerchief.

He signalled to a guard.

"Some water," ' - I'm not 100% sure on the relevance of what I'm about to say but looking at this exchange retrospectively it just seems so performative and I really question it; I don't this is part of the façade Van Eck presents generally to the world or if it's, in his mind, for Kaz's benefit to give him no reason to distrust him, or what, but I know that I don't for one second believe that in private Van Eck would politely give an indentured Grisha his handkerchief and send someone to fetch him a glass of water.

' "DeKappel oil painting [...] I had been assured that my gallery was impenetrable [...]"

"I do seem to remember reading about that" - the audacity in this child knows no bounds and I'm so here for it

' "I'm inclined to believe that the thief took it for a different reason,"

"What would that be?"

"Just to prove that he could,"

"Seems like a stupid risk to me,"

"Well, who can guess at the motives of thieves?"

"Not me, certainly," - I adore this excahnge so much. And as a side note it's really clever becasue we as the reader know with so much confidence what's going on that there's no need to extrapolate and explain it to us, yet we feel like we have the full story. And of course later we learn it was Kaz and Inej working together and I love this because cna you imagine one of them bringing the paper to the other after reading about the 'impenetrable gallery' and they're just looking at each other like "... we have to, right?" "Hell yeah we have to, get your coat,"

"Kaz had heard rumours of a firepox outbreak [...] skin crawling. He wanted no part of a plague" - this is some mad foreshadowing right here, and the fact that KAz is seized by an unexpected flashback mere lines later tells us so much because when we look back on it we realise that he's so stressed by the idea of a plague and his concern only makes it harder for him to anticipate a flashback.

"Van Eck led him through a door and into a manicured garden, thick with the new nectar scent of early crocuses. The smell his Kaz like a blow to the jaw. Memories of Jordie were already too fresh in his mind and, for a moment, Kaz wasn't walking thorugh the canal-side garden of a rich merch. He was knee deep in spring grasses, hot sun beating down on his cheeks, his brother's voice calling him home," - so this is the flashback I mentioned a second ago and it is literally just a couple of lines after Kaz's concern about a potential plague outbreak. We also have the added twist of crocuses traditionally symbolising rebirth, mirthfulness, and innocence, contrasting Kaz but also arguably existing to taunt him with the younger version of himself and his brother the scent reminds him of. The idea of twisting what crocuses usually represent is also famously used in Vivki Feaver's poem, 'The Gun', where she writes "the King of Death/ had arrived to feast, stalking/ out of winter woods / his black mouth/ sprouting golden crocuses" and Bardugo could be doing the same thing here by using something traditionally associated with youth and joy to represent or hint towards Kaz's traumatic experiences as a child. Possibly the metaphor is extended by the way the scent of teh crocuses is so quickly lost to the stench of the boathouse, particularly with the idea that there are dead bodies in there linking to the feeling of dead flesh, to show the stark contrast of Kaz's life before coming to Ketterdam, and after.

"Councilman Hoede lost a lot of blood. But he's in the same state as these men. He's been removed to the country with his family and the staff from his house" - this was very much the same vibes as the way you can pay an awful lot of money to be buried outside the city or you can be burned on the Reaper's Barge and it's so interesting to me, that even in death your body is priced and part of an institutionalised nonsense social hierarchy.

' "Why do you wear the gloves, Mr Brekker?"

Kaz raised a brow.

"I'm sure you've heard the stories,"

"Each more grotesque than the last,"

[...]

"Pick one," Kaz said, as he vanished into the night, thoughts already turning to thirty million kruge and the crew he'd need to help him get it, "They're all true enough," ' - this is a brilliant excahnge and I love it but when we're looking back on it after knowing the full story it's so sad because part of Kaz genuinely views himself as a monster

#grishaverse #six of crows #leigh bardugo #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #nina zenik #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #kanej #wesper #helnik #soc analysis #soc meta #soc analyst #long post #soc chapter by chapter analysis

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nobodysdaydreams · 2 years ago

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@sophieswundergarten: As always, thank you for your amazing analyses (and yes- unfortunately, tumblr does have a character limit so I’m gonna try my very best to keep my thoughts on your thoughts limited to one reblog (we’ll see how I do).

Alright now let’s get into it!

I’m glad you appreciate the “animal closing in on its prey” metaphor, especially as it ties into Chapter 5 (when Curtain remarks that birds get killed by predators and it’s inevitable, but still goes back to save his son’s bird). Milligan sees him as a villain, Curtain sees himself as a protector.

And yes, Milligan’s ‘torture’ is from when Jeepers knocked him and Curtain into the table. It’s funny but it’s sad.

Milligan’s hope that someone on the island cares about children to protect them from the Sender is ironic, especially since he assumes the Sender (and his associates) don’t just not care about children, but actively hate them, especially since they are shutting down so many agencies that try to protect children (when in reality, you see that Garrison cares about Isaac and Curtain cares about SQ, and the reason Curtain is shutting down all those agencies is so he can search for Kate).

It's also creepy that Milligan knows the Sender wants them alive, wants something more from them, but can’t remember or figure out what it is. From his perspective, it’s very unsettling and contributes to his sense of dread.

AND YES: You notice that Milligan is formal with the boy’s names but not with Kate! And he is so proud of her and notices not only her achievement on the tests, but her kindness and compassion. Also this quote: “Are you trying to kill me? Would you like me to melt into a pile of goo because of your writing?” That’s the goal bestie. And it seems I am succeeding. 😊

I’m glad you commented on Constance hearing Nicholas’ speech to Reynie, because no one has yet, and I’ve always wondered about it, especially since Show Constance is older and her negative reactions to the other children are more likely to come from trauma than “being a grumpy toddler”. AND YOU PICKED UP ON PARALLEL BETWEEN CONSTANCE AND CURTAIN WITH THE FRIEND/COLLEAGUE THING! If you thought the Nicholas/Pedalian/SQ parallels hurt, then I hope you are ready for the pain that is the Nathaniel/Constance parallels. Although I do have a few concerns about this quote: “Oh, look at that, the genius author knows what those words are going to do to us, you monster /j”, because it’s a bit early to be calling me a monster now. I’m not saying there’s not a time and a place for it, just, maybe hold off for a bit. I’ll let you know when it’s appropriate.

Yep: the Nathaniel/Constance parallels hit Nicholas just as the Curtain/Constance parallels hit Milligan.

Again, the irony of Curtain causing so much pain because he’s worried about Kate. And poor Jeeps.

I’m glad you like the Whisperer needing the right Messenger mind thing. Again, I love doing stuff with the tech (and yes Curtain is the most theatre-y theatre kid ever).

AND YOU NOTICED THE CONSTANCE TEST THING! So, I do need to rant about this because in the books, it’s implied that Constance passes the tests because of her stubbornness and psychic abilities, but also: she’s a toddler. The fact that she was able to get on a bus herself and show up to the right location for the tests without any help should have been more than enough to pass. So here, since Constance is older, I wanted to really get into how these psychic abilities work on an intuitive level: Constance realizes Mr. Benedict’s tests aren’t real tests, but serve a good purpose, and that Curtain’s nice welcome speech is actually a test that serves a bad purpose.

Yep Curtain/Benedict are the most similar in crisis (almost like they went through the same trauma…) and it’s extra sad the Milligan is reminded of Curtain through Nicholas.

I’m glad you liked the Arthur Bloom stuff! I had to make sure the scene was written in-sync with when the kids encounter him in the episode, and that’s been one of the hardest things about writing this, especially since I’ve been focusing on Milligan/Garrison/Curtain (for example, the fact that Milligan was outside during the sibling reveal and the fact that there is a whole episode where Milligan does nothing but slowly sink in a submarine but don’t worry I’ll write around it like I did here we'll be fine).

Yes! Isaac is getting a subplot (and so are some other people…)

I’m so glad that I was able to change how you think about Garrison! I feel like the show got to tease, but never fully explained her backstory like they did Nathaniel’s but the way they portrayed her in season 2 really felt like they were building to something, and the next few chapters I’m working on are really gonna work on taking that further from what little we do know about her.

Again, love that you posted your Ch. 9 analysis when @itsgoghtime posted on Ch.4, because they commented that Milligan and Curtain had a scene of silent understanding and now Milligan having the same thing with Mr. Benedict… yeah…

“Backups” – yeah at this point, Curtain really just sees the four children as potential assets (but will he change his mind I wonder…)

Poor SQ. Curtain’s control (which was more comforting when he was a kid) is really stifling him now that he’s a teen, and yet he’s so sheltered and almost dependent on the man. And Curtain doesn’t know how to cope with that change, plus his own trauma and insecurities about Nicholas and the loss of his friends makes it so much worse.

I’m glad you found the Dewey thing funny. My thought process was: if you just met Curtain, and knew he had a child, Martina or Dewey would probably be what you’d picture (aggressive, focused, leader, successful, etc.), which is why SQ throws Reynie for such a loop (and yes, SQ not getting sarcasm does tie into my neurodivergent head canons).

And yep, as I said in my thoughts on @itsgoghtime's chapter 4 analysis: Curtain’s protective dad mode leading to child-torture is a bit disturbing, especially from SQ’s perspective because he doesn’t understand why everyone is so scared of his dad (but please don’t be nervous about what would happen if SQ found out. I’m sure everything would work out fine).

“The Great Tragedy of My Life” – yes he is absolutely a drama queen. But writing how Reynie put the pieces of the twin’s history together and how they warned him about each other and saw themselves in him was so much fun.

And this quote: “You did NOT just do this to me. STOP IT WITH THE DEVASTATING MEMORY GLIMPSES MY GOODNESS FRIEND.” Stop? My friend, my dear sweet friend, we are just getting started *chuckles nefariously...*

Also, yeah, the missing Garrison and SQ relationship is SO sad, especially after considering chapter 5, where she’s waiting outside his hospital room because she wants to make sure he’s okay- if only she could have forgiven herself/didn’t blame herself for what happened.

And yep: not only does Garrison kinda know what she’s doing to herself, Curtain kinda knows too. And they both dance around it and it creates such an awkward dynamic around them. When I first watched it I kept thinking of different ways their relationship could have developed and I’m happy I went with this, because I think it works really well. Also yes: the fact that Curtain lowers his voice and gets vulnerable with Garrison about his brother. That was my first clue that they had some sort of personal history together, especially because as Garrison points out: tracking Nicholas is not her job, there’s no reason for Curtain to mention it to her, especially in front of SQ when Curtain hates talking about his brother.

You ask why I ruined the Nicky scene. Well, it’s because I needed to show how Garrison’s brain sweeping was affecting her memory: she remembers the events that led up to this, but her personal connection to Curtain and SQ and any connection to Milligan/Pedalian/their wives has been erased.

And then we have your final thought: The way the MBS adults love children. Again, that was really the point of the chapter: Miss Perumal/Reynie, Nicholas/Constance, Milligan/Kate, Garrison/Isaac, Curtain/SQ. (Poor Sticky).

I’m glad you see this as a rewatch, but with the anticipation of seeing it for the first time: that’s the goal. I’m glad it’s not just a boring repeat of what you already know, but also shows how what happened in the show connects into the present narrative. So excited that you love the new writing style, especially because this chapter really just establishes the narrative base: the real plot twisting hasn’t even really started yet.

Thanks again for your thoughts- I hope you are having a wonderful day (or night, or morning wherever you are!)

Update: Well friends, it's that time again. I have finished another chapter.

Click Here to Read the Fic

Chapter 9 Summary: Mr. Benedict and his team search for the right children for their mission while Dr. Curtain searches for the right children for his own project. Meanwhile, Garrison and Milligan struggle with their memories and their relationships.

Once again tagging everyone who originally expressed interest in the fic: @myfairkatiecat @oflightningandstars @mvshortcut @kneeslapworthy @serial-serializednovelreader

And @sophieswundergarten and @itsgoghtime, this is the new writing style I was talking about. A bit nervous about whether you'll enjoy the change, the build up might take a while to get to the payoff since I don't totally control the story anymore, but I hope you enjoy it (and I think you'll like where I end up going with it...)!

#Long very very long post #I love your thoughts as always #I'm so happy you enjoy my fic #I hope you have a wonderful day!#SOS

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