#Anakin Force ghost is fucking coming everyone get ready

[yardikins]

i have so many thoughts about the trailer but they can all wait for this one fucking line because

WHAT

BAYLAN KNEW ANAKIN?????

[raya-rhaenyra-ahsoka]

Things I love about Ahsoka Ep. 7: Dreams and Madness

Anakin making holo-recordings for Ahsoka.

All I see is Anakin making video diaries and tutorials for his little sister. We hadn’t hear him say it, but he absolutely loves her and cares a lot for her. The question now is, how the hell did she get hold of those holo-recordings? Also, we need to see all 20 of them. I also think she had probs shown it to Luke and Leia at some point.

Leia saves Hera.

Of course, Leia would save everyone’s ass from trouble. It has always been her thing. C-3PO's timing was perfect. Also, Senator Xiono can go fuck himself. Chopper ready to throw hands at a senator is icing on the cake. And if they translate what he said, the entire thing would probably be bleeped out.

Huyang is an Obi-Wan Kenobi droid version.

Huyang complaining about Ahsoka’s reckless actions is so funny to me, honestly. In a way, she's being the Anakin to Huyang, being that Voice-of-Reason Obi-Wan persona to contradict to.

Thrawn’s mini-heart attack when he finds out who Ahsoka’s master was.

Thrawn, externally: *pokerface*

Thrawn, internally: What? No. That togruta bitch was trained by Anakin fucking Skywalker?! Omfg, this changes things.

So, a little background, Thrawn had always admired Anakin Skywalker and had worked alongside him since the clone wars, then as Darth Vader during the empire era. And to put it on modern terms, Thrawn was his biggest fan. He knows how powerful Anakin was and what he was capable of doing. So knowing that Anakin taught Ahsoka is information that could either make him or break him.

Ezra’s reaction to Sabine telling her about Ahsoka taking her as her padawan.

His reaction is the most Ezra thing ever. Obviously, he didn't expected Ahsoka to take on Sabine as her padawan considering she isn't force-sensitive. And Ezra is literally all of us when when we first watched the show, btw.

Ahsoka and Sabine’s Force bond.

It’s natural for the master and padawan to have a bond through the Force, regardless if jedi or sith. But with Sabine’s lack of force-sensitivity, this was something I did not expect. But nevertheless, I’m extremely happy about it.

Ezra and Sabine’s chaotic sibling energy.

We all know Ezra and Sabine go way back. They’ve been friends for a long time, they radiate chaotic sibling energy (sorry, sabezra/ezrabine shippers), even to the point of arguing while fighting for their lives. It's good to see that some things haven't changed.

Ahsoka and Ezra’s hug.

The last time these two met each other was in the World between Worlds, after Ezra saved Ahsoka from Darth Vader. Ahsoka had promised to find him when they get of there. But then again, they were at different points in time and Ezra disappeared with Thrawn to another galaxy. That makes this hug much more heartfelt and meaningful.

Ahsoka Tano of the Disaster Lineage™

• Unpredictable

• Reckless

• Purposely coming in late just to make a dramatic grand entrance and/or exit

• Never runs out of sassy comebacks when talking to the enemy

• Annoying the crap out of the people around them

• Has the signature troublemaker smirk 😏

• Expert lightsaber duelist

• Not following the no-attachment-rule

• Having good friendship with their padawans

Yep, she checks all the boxes and just further cements herself as part of the infamous Disaster Lineage™. Not to mention that she's indirectly teaching Sabine the same stuff. I can already hear Force Ghost Anakin cheering her on.

There are a lot of loose ends to tie in the season finale. Let's hope they'll give us an epic one and an interesting plotline for season 2.

[dickarchivist]

For the make your OC clones suffer questions.

Oh boy there's some good ones. I would love to hear about Dax and Banshee if that's okay?

It's hard to choose, but I'm going with these. Could I hear:

16: What haunts them?

21: What's their relationship to sex? Modesty?

25: Have they tore someone to shreds with their bare hands?

Thank you

I'm so excited to tell you about Banshee, but first:

For Dax too? Oh thank you for asking about Dax'Malkin, he is so complex and lore rich, thank younfor asking about him too ♡♡♡

What haunts them?

Dax: Ready for some lore? The thing that haunts Dax'Malkin most is the lose of his twin brother, Krazus. The two were younglings together with the jedi, twin sons, always together. This made it easy for the Night Sisters of Dathomir to take them together. In a ritual to turn them both dark side for The Night Sister's favor, something went wrong. Dax'Malkin's body was changed, beastial spikes growing from his back, his teeth pointed and sharp, the whites of his eyes now an inky black. But still, his heart stayed in the light. When he awoke, the jedi who saved him told Dax that his brother had been lost to them... Dax didn't question this, thinking that his brother had died in the ritual.

After this, Dax'Malkin has always had darkness whispering in his mind, in his heart. He fights hard to keep it at bay, but the ghosts of his past never leave him. He sees them in his reflection every day.

Banshee: Aside from o66, something that haunts Banshee is his first botched mission. He and his brothers were trying to save some refugees from a war-torn planet, but things didn't go exactly as planned. He was moving forward with a small group of the refugees, taking them from a covered area through a field, back toward transport. He didn't see the separatist forces closing in from above, silent as the night... the only one that didn't make it was a kid. The mother screamed and yelled in pain the whole way to the camps, it was the only time Banshee didn't try to drown out the sounds of the battlefield.

If Banshee were ever to have a child, he'd insist on naming them Jaia, after the kid Banshee feels responsible for losing.

Have they torn someone to shred with their bare hands?

Dax: Yes, and it terrifies him. Once Athena fell and Dax went full dark side, he fucking lost everything. He's killed every single clone in the 404th except for Grave Squad, and he does everything he can to hunt them down for the death of Athena. (Don't worry he gets better and gets a reunion with Grave and Athena its not even an AU or a fix it fic its for real)

Banshee: Not with his bare hands, but he is an explosives expert. He's juiced a few people. But Droids? Yeah, he's ripped them apart many, many times.

Modesty and sex question under the cut ✂️

What's their relationship to sex? Modesty?

Dax: oh for sure this Jedi Master fucks. His view on the "No love" policy is "fuck that. Have objectivity. Do not sacrifice the good of the many for the good of the one. Obsession is not love." For this he would straight up hate Anakin lmao, because Anakin is obsessed with Padme. Yeah he loves her, but he's also obsessed with her.

But anyway back to Dax. He's not like, running around telling everyone about his exploites, but he's open about them when he's asked. His padawan and adoptive daughter, Annika Cree, asked once when she was little, "Have you ever been in love?" He replied no, not romantically, but physically, and has experienced deep familial love. When she was older, he told her about the safety and precautions she'd need to take around sex and relationships, and he made sure to create an environment where she could always come to him for guidance and advice on these things.

Banshee: it takes Ban a good while to finally be intimate with a partner. That's not to say he doesn't have the drive, often he has it right away, but he's very sensitive and docile. He wants to make sure everything is true on both sides, that they both want it, that it's not the only thing they both want, and that sex isn't the end of their time together. Ban's sex drive is very very high, but his need for intimacy is even higher than that.

[phoenixyfriend]

Rey Gives No F*cks About the Grandfather Paradox

Okay so since nobody’s suggested a fic under these terms, I ended up expanding on this post on discord and things snowballed. We kept to the basics of the entire plot revolving around Rey really hating her grandad and leveraging her blood relation to not be unalived about it.

With contributions by @atagotiak​, @dracothulhu​, @thepallaspalace​, and several others. The title comes from @gelpenss​.

The basic thing I absolutely need is this: Rey gets thrown back to the middle of the clone wars, and the subsequent plot leans in really heavily on her being, genetically-via-clone-dad, the daughter of the guy running the entire galaxy.

Nobody knows what to do with her.

The timing is mid-TCW for the past (because I want Ahsoka there) and vaguely between Episodes 8 and 9 because I... never watched E9 and don’t want to worry about the timeline. The only things that matter is that Luke is dead (he can die as he did in canon) and that Rey knows she’s Palp’s granddaughter (not the way she does in canon).

We'll say Luke found out from Anakin's panicked force-ghost and just went "well, fuck, okay, I should tell her this before she ends up in a situation like mine and finds out mid-battle or something."

Luke, prior to time-travel: Okay, so, now that I'm dead I know some things I didn't before. Like who your parents were. In the interest of full disclosure because I was in a very similar situation and I don't want you learning the way I did, I'm just going to come right out and say that your father was a clone was Sheev Palpatine. Rey: ... Luke: Are you okay? Rey: I don't know who that is.

(She grew up on Jakku, the history education was a little subpar.)

Setting The Scene

Imagine Rey showing up during or immediately before the clone wars. There’s this phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater who tells you that if you ran a paternity test, it would probably pop up the Chancellor. She may or may not bring up cloning. She accuses said Chancellor of being a Sith Lord.

Your other phenomenally powerful feral teenager from a desert backwater, who may not be a teenager anymore but only barely, is very offended by this because Palpatine’s a Very Nice Old Grandfather Figure, but also he’s a little full of side-eye because if the blood test comes back as proof, then Palpatine had a kid and didn’t even know about them, or lied to Anakin, and that’s! Bad! Family’s important!!!

Palpatine hears about this daughter he apparently? Has? And is very confused because the timing doesn’t match up with ANYTHING he was doing, so the kid isn’t natural, and he says as much. (There is an explanation! It’s not a correct explanation, but he does come up with one.)

Finn and Poe and BB-8 all get dragged along because why not have the gang there? Nobody that’s already born, because [handwave] conservation of souls or something, IDK, point is the only person dragged along that’s even remotely close to already existing is Luke’s Force Ghost, who mostly hangs around begging Rey to be less impulsive. Finn is good because he is a nice polite boy, but for actual useful information they need Poe. The unfortunate situation is that the three do not land together. They land at the same time, in completely different corners of the galaxy. This means that nobody is there to curb Rey being her most impulsive self.

Time travel Rey knows two things. Luke’s dad ends up evil. Palpatine has always been evil.

She can solve one of these problems by killing the other, yes?

Rey: Ready to Rumble

See, the initial idea was this: Rey tried to break into the senate to kill Palpatine, got arrested, and then used the "he's biologically my father" card to get out of jail free. (Force Ghost Luke follows her like “please take five seconds to think this through.”)

But.

But.

It would be very, very, very funny if The Force just dumps her in a flash of light in the senate building and she just attacks Gramps on sight. Just a shouted "YOU!" and no-hesitation attempted murder.

Palpatine has no idea what's going on.

Rey took maybe two seconds to get identity confirmation and then started swinging.

[Image Description: An individual in a green metal helmet with an eye slit, holding a pistol. In the upper left, upper right, and lower middle are the phrases “I do not know who I am...” “I don’t know why I’m here” and “All I know is that I must kill.” End description.]

Of course, she gets arrested. There are Master Jedi in the Senate. There are Clone Troopers. Palpatine isn’t the weak old man he pretends to be. Of course she’s stopped.

But she isn’t executed in time for Palpatine to stop her from ruining his entire reputation.

Immediately after Rey fails to kill her Shitty Granddad, Luke's ghost shows up and begs her to not talk about the Sith thing because it will completely undermine everything she's trying to do. Pass off the attempted murder as something else!

Rey, panicking: "that fucker left me on a desert planet for 10 years!" "You owe me 19 years of child support you son of a Hutt!"

The Jedi have to do the investigation, because the girl showed up with a laser sword, and the conversation is, uh... interesting. (“Where did you get that lightsaber?” “I got it from a mysterious old pirate lady I never met before. I don't know, I was being shown around by a smuggler and a Wookie.”)

Interviewer: Why did you try to assassinate the Chancellor? Luke: Say it wasn't assassination. Rey: It wasn't assassination. Int: You weren't trying to kill him? Luke: Assassination has to be politically motivated. Rey: This was, um... not political. Assassination is political, right? Int: You mean this was personally motivated? Rey: Yes. Int: I see. What personal motivation? Luke: Jakku! Rey: He's my grandfather. Int: ... Rey: Possibly father. Nobody was very clear on that. Int: ... Luke: Tell them to run a paternity test. Rey: Oh hey, a blood test would tell us which, right? Int: ............ Rey: I spent ten years as an orphaned scrapdealer on Jakku. He's my father. I'm kind of a little angry. Int: ........... Luke: Good job, kid. You bought yourself some time. Int: I'm going to get a medic to see about that parternity test.

Obviously, it comes back positive. Congratulations, Sheev, you’re the father.

Rey comes with a ready-made built-in excuse for hating Palpatine that nobody can question or fault her for!

Rey, pouring Truth into the Force: I didn't even know I was related to the Chancellor until a few months ago, but it's his fault I grew up the way I did, and he should take some responsibility!

The entire thing is mostly kept hush hush but someone leaks it to the press and Palpatine's ratings tank.

"Chancellor, I think we'll need to waive family visitation until she wants you a little less dead." "I would like to find out why she wants me dead, and indeed, where she came from." "...sir, for your own safety--"

Who would win? A master plan years in the making spanning decades of manipulating and work? or One (1) paternity test

"Okay, so, Rey Palpat--" "Ew, no, I don't want his name." "You--okay. Sure, we can understand that. Is there a name you would prefer to put on the paperwork?" Rey, who would have gone by Skywalker in honor of Luke but can't do that when Anakin is right there and all: "Can I think about it?"

Rey: I don't know what I want my last name to be but I know I don't want his, and most of the people I’d want a name from have famous families like you... Luke's ghost, pointing out the Literal Nobody that she cares about a lot: How about Solo? Rey: ...Solo, then.

(A few months later she runs into Poe again and he offers for Finn and Rey to both take his name because honestly they need SOMETHING but at that point she’s already decided on Smuggler Dad.)

Backtrack a bit. We’ve got a bigger cast.

They all arrive separately. Poe, for one, does better than Rey, who is aiming for a murder, but not quite as well as Finn, who is currently being adopted and hidden like a secret cat by a bunch of Alpha Clones on Kamino. He vibes with the names-or-numbers thing. He doesn’t necessarily tell them where and when he’s from, but he’s very sweet and a great liar and they adopt him wholesale anyway.

The Finn situation is just... "Buir Ti, we need you to hide this man, we've decided he's our little brother but if Nala Se finds out she'll make him leave."

Of course, this leads into Shaak Ti teaching Finn how to Jedi.

Maybe consider Finn needing to almost be tricked into learning Jedi things because he willfully forgets it could apply to him. Finn does not like to think of himself as special, which is super valid, but frustrating for Shaak Ti when it comes to, you know, getting him to acquire knowledge. Finn's training at some point is "here, levitate objects with the Force to entertain the tubies." It’s a lot easier to convince him to practice when it involves the babies.

(Everyone on Kamino looked at Finn and went “oh I love him I’m keeping him and teaching him things.”)

(He’s just very lovable.)

Poe, meanwhile, buys the trust of Anakin Skywalker via R2D2 declaring BB-8 the absolute most baby of droids. R2D2 met BB-8 three hours ago but.

"Hey Obi-Wan this is Poe I met him like five days ago but R2D2 says he checks out because his droid is a baby." "That's nice, Anakin, did you know the Chancellor has a daughter who tried to assassinate him in broad daylight yesterday? Because guess who had to stop the Chancellor from getting assassinated by his daughter in broad daylight yesterday."

A summary so far:

Finn, on Kamino: Hey, um, I don't know where this is, but it's not where I was a few minutes ago. Do you think you could get me a comm? What's your name? Poe, on [dice roll] Denon: Oh, hey, you're General Skywalker? Nice to meet you, I'm so sorry about my droid, she's a little excitable and thought your R2 unit looked like a friend of hers-- Rey, on Coruscant: DIE, GRANDFATHER

Finn: [Peacefully vibing on Kamino, unaware of the chaos and bonding with the clones] Poe: [Trying to explain how he knows someone who tried to kill the chancellor and defend Rey] Rey: [Arrested for trying to kill the chancellor]

Just... just...

Anakin: Some guy ended up lost on base yesterday with his droid, how’s your day going? Obi-Wan: I had to stop someone who claims to be the chancellors daughter from murdering the chancellor after she seemingly blinked into existence in the Senate building. Poe: 😐

(Poe: Oh, so that's where Chaos^2 went.)

Poe: In her defense, she is his... well we don't know if she's his daughter or granddaughter, but she's definitely related to him, and she definitely grew up in a shitty situation that was his fault, so...

(Poe is trying very hard to explain this and not get arrested on the military base.)

As you’ve probably guessed, what's especially funny about all of this for me is the fact that Palpatine is fully aware that this girl shouldn't exist, but can't find a single piece of evidence about where she came from. He didn't start any experiments that could result in a female child, and he didn't have sex in that period of time, so where the hell--

Rey spends so much time in jail... BUT they do eventually assign her a Jedi Master. Possibly before she actually proves her evil grandfather is in fact evil. Most votes went to either Plo Koon or Obi-Wan. Plo, because he’s dad-shaped, and Obi...

"Obi-Wan, you already raised one feral desert child with implausible amounts of power, you handle this." Rey in return is very "Sweet, you vaguely remind me of Master Luke," and nobody knows who the hell she's talking about. Obi-Wan is NOT on board with this plan, she'd really be better off with Plo or like........ Mace.

Reunion Tour

What I need out of this is the eventual Finn and Rey reunion scene that is just excited screaming while someone in the background explains to Shaak Ti that yes this is apparently Palpatine's terrifyingly force-sensitive daughter who hates him.

(Finn senses Rey’s approach and just. Gathers the everyone to wait. He’s just :D REY MY FRIEND REY GUYS MY FRIEND REY IS COMING.)

Anakin shows up with Poe--just a guy who signed on to the military, no big deal--and then Poe and Rey are EXCITED and everyone's just like "Cool, how do you know this literal terrorist child?" And Poe has to scramble and "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh she saved my droid from a scrapheap once and BB-8 is basically my child so I owe her one."

Rey knows that Anakin ends up evil so she’s maybe not actively hostile but definitely very “I’m watching you.” That said, she vibes with him on a lot of things that he maybe doesn’t actively notice.

Rey picks up a snake, snaps off the head for venom avoidance, and starts biting off chunks. Obi-Wan's reaction: [undisguised horror] Anakin and Ahsoka: Ooh, where'd you find that? (Obi-Wan: And now I’m up to three feral children.)

What Does Palpatine Even Do?

OBVIOUSLY at a certain point, Palpatine is just phoning up every ally he has to figure out who broke protocol to synthesize a daughter for him.

So of course, Palpatine blame Plagueis.

She'd have been born five or so years before Naboo, just a few years younger than Anakin. It's such an EASY theory to build a conspiracy around. It is ENTIRELY WRONG, but it’s plausible! And anyone who might have been involved to say otherwise is probably dead!

A random bio-kid shows up you can’t possibly have contributed genes to? Maybe it’s the evil bio spark that did it.

Palpatine tries to placate her with the ‘my genes were stolen for an experiment and I didn’t know’ thing. It doesn’t work because her actual main complaint is he’s evil in her future but he tries.

It'd be a struggle to even get access to her, because of the aforementioned “maybe don’t try to talk to the daughter(?) that hates you” thing, but you know who Palpatine does have access to? The Chosen One.

Rey kind of decides on her favorites early on (she gravitates to Dad Energy and Sad Old Men so Plo and Obi-Wan are on her list, and that means decent time around Anakin and Ahsoka). It's really easy to talk Anakin into helping to some degree because "he'd like to connect to a daughter he never knew" and "a child of her power on a planet like that, you'd know her struggle, my dear boy" and so on. Anakin tries to connect! He tries to play up Sheev’s kind political work and how it can’t have really been his fault! It doesn’t work. Rey does not believe a word of it. Mostly she doesn’t even seem to hear him.

Rey's just like "...oh right, you're the melted mask that Kylo Ren was always ranting about," which means absolutely NOTHING to Anakin, but he mentions it to Palps, who loses his goddamn mind trying to figure out what she's talking about, because it also means absolutely nothing to him.

Here’s the thing: Rey’s already decided that Obi-Wan is cool, because Luke said so, and Plo Koon is dad-shaped, and she also gravitates towards earnest kindness in general, like she made friends with Finn real quick, so Ahsoka? Already getting along great.

She doesn’t dislike Anakin, really, he isn’t evil yet, he’s just... meh. She’s a little suspicious and she likes him less than the others but... Anakin.

Rey, to Anakin: You are my least favorite. Anakin, to Palpatine: YOUR DAUGHTER HATES ME???

And he goes from “she’s a lil standoffish” to “she doesn’t like me” to “she hates me” as is normal for Anakin.

It’s just an escalation of this one time Palpatine wants Anakin to not have rifts and trust issues with a person, at least not until later, because he needs information.

Meanwhile, that very moment, Rey is just like "huh, nobody here is listening to me about how make a sixth-hand carburetor work, where's Luke's dad?"

Anakin is venting to Palpatine about how hard it is to talk to Rey, and she's over in the Temple just like "Hey, that guy was useful last time, I should ask him," but also she only ever thinks of him as Luke's Dad.

(At one point, Obi-Wan is having a bit of a break down, and then Anakin starts having a breakdown about that, meanwhile the clones are (badly) trying to hide Finn behind their backs, Rey is watching Ahsoka practice and being like "I want two lightsabers," and Poe is trying to keep R2 from stealing BB-8 and Force Ghost Luke is just face palming in the background.)

(Rey deserved a saber staff, maybe one that can detach and turn into a jar’kai set. Possibly a pike. Mostly I just wish she got more chances to whack things with a big stick.)

[padawansuggest]

I want a fic where instead of Obi-Wan taking Anakin as Padawan learner, he tells him what he really feels. When Anakin was 12, in the comics, Obi-Wan revealed that if Anakin wanted to leave the Jedi, he would go with him. First of all: Obi-Wan is just as imprinted on Ani as Ani is on him. Second of all, Obi never TOLD him that he would do that. Ani probably thought that if he left the Jedi, he’d be all on his own. Obi wouldn’t do that to him, but Ani might not know that.

What I want, is a fic where after the death of Qui-Gon (I love good papa Qui, but. Plot. It’s okay tho he can eventually come back as a force ghost) Obi feels just as jaded as Dooku about it. The only difference being, Obi is terrified because he doesn’t really know what to do.

So he puts that choice in the hands of Anakin. He goes to him (I imagine something super sweet like Obi coming out of the palace, looking like a wreck, and the first thing he does with Ani is scoops that little thing up into his arms for a hug like Ani is his new tooka, and just tucks Ani’s head into his shoulder. Ani has already been told, but he’s too far from the situation to do more than cry, and rn he’s the only thing holding Obi together, his little arms wrapped around Obi’s neck) and tells him that the choice is Anakin’s. They can go back to the Jedi and petition for him to be a learner like Qui wanted, or they can go to Tatoonie and free his mother, or they can run away forever.

Ani chooses his mother. Obviously. So they go back, free her (Obi demanded they credits from the counsel, who felt guilty enough to let him have it along with his stipend) and asked her what they do next.

Shmi asks Obi-Wan if he has any family. He does. A father and brother (I know I’m blatantly stealing that idea from other authors but I like it) who live back on his homeworld Stewjon, as farmers. It’s really hard to farm there because if the land. So there they go.

Cliegg accepts them in happily. He’s happier than anything. He’s been chasing those quick visits with his eldest son for half his life, waiting for comms and packages back and forth. He’s a proud papa who’s delighted with everything Ben does. He’s so excited to have his boy home.

They settle down for a while. Shmi and Anakin delight in working on random technology around the farm, fixing tractors and droids, Ani working on C3PO in between. It’s really nice to be honest.

Then they get a visitor. Count Dooku, who left the Jedi the same week Obi-Wan did.

He’s reaching out to his grandpadawan, and oh fucking boy is that a hilarious one, Cleigg glaring at him like a cockroach in his hand, disgusted as Dooku coddles HIS baby boy, calling him his grandpadawan like he’s his kin... but then... sometimes Ben looks at him... like he can’t even believe the boon he’s been granted.

This man raised Ben’s master, and that master in turn, raised his little Ben. That’s his family. Cliegg needs to work harder if he’s to be considered proper family. Blood isn’t what makes a clan.

Count Dooku isn’t even close to the dark side of things. Obi-Wan can feel the happiness in him while being around them, watching Anakin do the simple creche games that all the Jedi learned, clicking buttons on a fidget toy with the force, and following Obi-Wan’s gentle instructions that went unsaid in physicality. The boy was learning fast.

‘I will help you teach the boy, but it cannot be here. I inherited an entire planet, with my new title, and I happen to live in a palace on a flat plain that could benefit from a proper farm to grow the land. Sereno could always use more farms.’

So they all move to Sereno. It’s a much more fertile land than Stewjon had been. For all the fertility of their subspecies, the humans of Stewjon had grown numerous and overcrowded. Another family would take the farm and provide for the people. And those that could leave, were wise to do so, for reduction of the populous.

Living on Sereno was nice. Dooku would drop by periodically, and he always seemed to have something with him, a stack of books on force theory and theoretical physics for Ben, a box of new or recycled parts for Ani, a tooka kitten on a leash that was handed over to Shmi, and has been her faithful companion ever since. Even Cleigg found himself with kitchen appliances that he had only dreamed he could be able to afford. Someone must have let slip that he was the main cook in the house who enjoyed the work more than he’d ever enjoyed farming itself. Even Owen, is more spoiled than most, getting the most beautiful one of a kind toys.

It was nice.

One day, in a fit of boredom, Obi-Wan applied for a temporal physics class over holotransmitter, a class that was taught by the Jedi temple, and could be applied to anyone with the accurate foreknowledge to understand the subject. Unbeknownst to him, that caused a fight between a master and Padawan, when the Padawan had brought the application to their master, saying that foreknowledge be damned, they shouldn’t be teaching trained ex-Jedi because knowledge of the subject mixed with Jedi training, could lead to the dark side. Or something like that. They started ranting about a Jedi being strong enough to change the laws of physics themselves, and their master just sighed. She took the application for herself, barely glancing it over (mostly to check that it was all correct, she’s been teaching that boy since he was still in diapers, she knows fully well what he’s capable of) before pressing the approved button, handing it back to the ranting Padawan as she headed back to her office, getting ready for the next lecture in a quieter place to clear her mind.

The classes passed the time, and since it was over holo, Ani and Shmi sat in with him on most of them, just past the reach of the transmitter, and taking avid notes. Nerds. Ben even suffered through a few of the most boring classes ever for their entertainment.

Cliegg likes to cook, and is obsessed with his new kitchen. Shmi has discovered knitting and is making the biggest shawl ever so she can go outside without feeling like she’s hugging ice. Ani has made like 10 little baby droids that run around and either cause chaos and chase the tooka, or try and be helpful by bringing you thinks they /think/ you need. Not what you need, what they think you need. It’s usually socks and tooka toys for some reason. Owen is so happy to have not only a big brother, but a brother the same age as him too! That’s so cool, they can do boy stuff together like poke worms and wake Obi up early with annoying jumps on his bed! Ben is indulging himself in the process of Dooku teaching him how to see force ghosts so he can have his master back, and maybe yell at him for giving him a child before kicking the bucket.

Everyone is happy.

[frumfrumfroo]

Thankfully the story around this movie is shaping up to specifically be about JJ’s terrible storytelling and the way this movie betrayed The Last Jedi, so I feel like the long term conversation around it is going to be more like “Hey remember when Lucasfilm fucked up a completely good trilogy in the last movie?” instead of the ROTJ discussion where people just accept the retcons as canon now. Because frankly the Luke/Leia sibling reveal was as foreshadowed as and made more sense than Reypatine

Yeah, that’s what I think too. It’s still going to be accepted by a lot of people, unfortunately.

The sibling reveal ass-pull is the worst thing about the OT, it instantly shrank the universe and will always feel disjointed (I don’t remember seeing any part of the OT for the first time, it’s been on a loop since i was born- I still don’t naturally think of Luke and Leia as twins even though I’ve always known they supposedly are), but it doesn’t break the story, it doesn’t destroy anyone’s character arc. It leaves Leia hanging as far as resolution with Anakin, but that wasn’t something she needed until the retcon. They do at least acknowledge that it’s missing and try to address it (’tell your sister you were right’).

Whereas this Reypatine Skyusurper shit defeats the entire ST narrative. And no, it is not about found family.

1. Rey's whole problem she needed to grow out of was her delusion about her long lost family who totally loved her and living in a shitty desert by herself with their imagined ghosts instead of getting off her ass and having a life of her own, she needed to stop looking for parents in every authority figure she met, she needed to accept her past and move on and forge her own identity. That was her entire character arc and the whole thematic basis of TLJ was confronting her with it. With this ‘um actually’, the story now says she was right to sit around in a graveyard waiting for her parental daydream to come true and to have a ready-made identity handed to her on a silver platter with no character development or hard work necessary on her part whatsoever. She's back in the fucking desert on a dead planet with a delusion family of ghosts, but now the ghosts are literal. Her love is entirely barren.

2. Rey is a grown ass adult who ‘adopted’ herself into a dead family. They didn't adopt her. This is infantilising and creepy. She doesn't need a mummy and daddy, she needed to grow up and be her own person and start her own family. Now she never will, she's completely subsumed any stirrings of her own identity she started to have. Ben was the only person who pushed her towards adulthood and actualisation, without him she settles back into her bad coping mechanisms surrounded by enablers who don't know or understand her well enough to help. This is a horror film on at least three levels- Rey as the cuckoo changeling who steals the place of the true child, the Skywalkers as a cursed family of sociopaths who are haunting this bystander now that they’ve wiped themselves out, and Rey as mental patient who retreats completely from the real world into her fantasy.

3. Good Victim/Bad Victim replacement child bullshit. All of the Skywalkers and Han are such gaping fucking assholes they reject Ben but love Rey for the SAME reasons. Because she's just inherently better than him and there's nothing he can do to be worthy. There's no moment in his life he could have done something differently to be accepted, he's just a garbage child no one wants. He was doomed from conception. He dared to be traumatised by being preyed on, abandoned, and betrayed, so he doesn’t deserve to live.

4. Terrio said in an interview that the 'original sin' of SW was separating the twins. So adoption is bad, actually. Never mind that Luke and Leia were separated for their protection and both went to loving homes where they were raised well by good parents. They didn't get to grow up together on Tatooine so that's terrible?? And he says they were never reunited there so we all wanted that. a) No we didn't, Chris, everyone hated Tatooine and no one wanted to live there, Luke says 'if there's a bright centre to the universe you're on the planet that it's furthest from', Anakin was a slave there, his mother was murdered there, it's a DEAD PLANET where BAD THINGS HAPPEN and every character wanted to escape from it b) Have you seen RotJ? Because Luke and Leia were together on Tatooine in the movie, my dude. Leia got to be a slave there for a while too. How fun for her to get in on the family tradition.

5. You made it 100% about bloodlines, Chris. This disingenuous bullshit that it's about rejecting that is the most hollow fucking nonsense I've ever heard.

Rey’s power came from her bloodline, her ‘darkness’ is biologically inherited and isn’t her fault and disappears with no effort from her, you turned the Skywalker name into a fucking superhero mantle and had all the legacy characters anoint her as their heir because she was just born worthy. You made her ‘heir of all the Jedi’ and they’re her ‘chosen ancestors’. Hey, dumbass, the Jedi don’t have heirs. Anyone can have the Force, anyone can be a hero without the Force- you have destroyed that by making Force sensitivity the sign of the elect. F/nn shouldn’t be Force sensitive and making all the defected stormtroopers Force sensitive robs the characters of agency. You have rewritten a story about the deathless hope offered by the eternal possibility of choosing differently into a story about predestination.

This was never about ‘the Palpatines’ vs the Skywalkers. The Emperor was just one evil guy whose backstory and bloodline were irrelevant, he stands in for all selfishness and callous ambition, for the temptation to choose power and control over love. It’s a personal story about individuals and individual struggles- how to be an ethical adult. Lineage didn’t fucking matter, it was so important that Vader was Luke’s father because of the personal relationship it gave them, because of how it challenged Luke and his worldview. The connection it gave them which would radically redefine the stakes and ultimately give the OT its meaning. Rey has no connection to Palpatine and being related to him does nothing but implode any meaning her character ever had.

[norcumii]

HAPPY (slightly late) BIRTHDAY, @aces-to-apples! I have some fic for you! :D

Minor apologies to everyone, because this latched on to my brain and would not let go, even though I meant to be more moderate and do Life Things today.

No regrets.

This is a post-war fic, where Everyone Lives (except Sidious because fuck him, and Krell because fuck him too) and things are rather different. Main pairing is Padme/Anakin/Rex, with background mention of Ahsoka/Steela and Jesse/Maul/Kix, because that’s Apples’ jam. HIGH CITRUS RATING. Sorry not sorry at all.

*********

It’s their third anniversary, and the fourth anniversary of the end to the Clone Wars. Like always, it’s a weird day, full of a mix of emotions and a few official appearances they couldn’t get out of. As a senator, Padmé still has to go to the morning session commemorating the Attack on Coruscant, while Rex and Anakin have to smile for cameras along with the other significant military figures laying mementos at the GAR commemorative wall. That’s at least a good chance to catch up with anyone they haven’t seen lately, what with Echo and Fives still being in the army, Ahsoka and Steela living it up as bounty hunters, Cody and Obi-Wan being themselves, and any number of other former officers and Jedi.

It’s after lunch that they have time to themselves. All three eat light in public, so they get to cuddle together in the living room for a set of their favorite light snacks. It’s a quiet time, while most of Coruscant winds up from ‘solemn remembrance’ to ‘celebration.’

There’s too many memories for them to celebrate. Oh, sure, the whole winning the war thing was good. The betrayal – Anakin’s friend, Padmé’s mentor, who tried very hard to kill Fives and oh yes, brain wash the entire army – it’s just too much.

Rex doesn’t even bother with a melancholy but vicious variations on ‘good riddance to bad rubbish’ that he indulged in the prior years. They’re just glad Palpatine is gone, they’re still here, and that they get this time close with each other.

Being tangled up together means that they can feel the slow relaxation, as clinging turns to sprawling, and being who they are a restless energy grows. Rex – who still struggles with the concept of downtime – is the one to separate first, and Padmé asks, “Shooting range?” in an innocent tone as if the thought just happens to cross her mind. Rex’s grin is still too sharp, which means even more reason for Anakin to drive their speeder to Padmé’s favorite range. It’s a layer further down that probably any other senator would even dream of considering a visit to, near enough to CoCo Town to be busy, but distant enough that celebrations are off elsewhere.

Like last year, Padmé rented the place out, so it’s just them and the two bored – well armed – grandparent-y types keeping an eye on things more out of habit than anything. They keep out front at the store part, once again involved in a holochess game Anakin couldn’t swear has changed a single move since last year.

Rex leads the way inside, Padmé stopping for a quick chat with the owners. Anakin sidles around her, to find Rex is already checking the available weapons over and making vaguely disgruntled noises which means the weapons are superb for civilian care, even if that might not be up to the GAR’s standards.

Or maybe just Rex’s, but to Anakin it’s the same.

He settles onto the floor where he can see both Rex and Padmé shooting, as the two efficiently check over weapons and ammo, and then begin to methodically take down a number of plas targets. They start off simple, then as they relax further it leads to teasing competition and trick-shots that would make other patrons rather nervous, which is why Padmé reserved the place just for them.

Anakin loves watching them like this, the whole spectrum from cool, murderous professionals to giddy playfulness that’s still beautifully terrifying. Padmé tried to tease him once about having a ridiculous competence kink, but that fizzled when she invited Rex into the ‘discussion’ and he’d just stared at her for a genuinely confused moment before asking “doesn’t everyone?”

Anakin slips into meditation, because the day’s built up too many ghosts for someone with his sensitivity to the Force. He works to center himself, to let go of so much pain, and it takes time. Letting go of what in retrospect was years of Palpatine dripping poison into his ears, while maneuvering the Jedi Order into political corners and away from moderate – reasonable and sane! – doctrine. Letting go of the fear that Obi-Wan and Cody might not be able to right that particular ship, and fix the Order’s extremes even with the help and support of the Council and especially Mace.

He works to heal just a little bit more of the emotional wound from Ahsoka leaving the Order, a good move for her and her life but still biting deep at his own insecurities and fragile sense of self that still, four years on, hasn’t fully recovered.

It wasn’t a betrayal, not like Palpatine, but it still hurt him.

The old fears surge up a moment, and he allows himself to face them. Anakin doesn’t like considering the what ifs from Mandalore. What if Maul hadn’t been creating an elaborate means to get Anakin and Obi-Wan away from the Chancellor’s grasp and manipulations; what if Jesse hadn’t listened to and accepted Maul’s surrender, with vital intel about the Sith Lord and how to take him down.

He’s not surprised that Jesse, Kix, and Maul hadn’t returned for the celebration – this time of year is rough for all of them, but those three more than most, and Obi-Wan does much, much better not having to deal with his old nemesis ever, but especially now. They can manage to be on polite speaking terms in front of cameras – Maul’s paying off his debt to society after all – but it’s a fragile peace.

The feelings of care and affection sink into the light daze of meditation, and Anakin comes back to the present to find Rex on his right, Padmé to his left, all three cuddled up together again. He flushes a little and grins, disoriented by the way he’s surrounded by love but feeling lighter for having addressed and moved on just a little bit more from his issues. “Who won?” he asks, and Padmé’s grin is wicked while Rex’s is just a bit sweet – things so few besides him ever get to see.

“Both of us,” Rex declares, leaning in to kiss him slow and deep, seeing how Anakin needs to take his time coming back to the here and now. He doesn’t know how Rex always figures it out, but he appreciates it so much.

When they’re both breathless and pulling apart, Padmé sneaks in, peppering them both with teasing little kisses that are more than half nips but all invitation. Anakin chases those all the way to his feet, Rex steadying both him and Padmé.

“Come on,” she dares them, leading the way through the sidedoor to the sim room next door. Anakin’s honestly not sure what it’s called – it’s not like the place advertises it – but Rex took one look and was so pleased at a sim room that’s what they call it amongst themselves.

One of the owners helps them suit up, while the other picks out a maze design. There’s a lot of clunking and creaking noises as the variable panels around the auditorium-sized space realign, creating a mock battleground they’ll get to play in.

Since Rex cheats and memorizes layouts more on first instinct than intent, he’s politely turned so his back’s to the developing design, fussily readjusting every single strap to the bodysuit padding before checking over their weapons. They’re toys, with lasers that are light and nothing else – Anakin’s certain the power sources couldn’t produce anything more and he’s said – multiple times over – not that it stops Rex.

Padmé, who cheats shamelessly, keeps an eye on the way the panels are rearranging, and she’s the first one pelting off as soon as they have the green light. The artificial fog is just starting to filter in as Anakin breaks right and Rex breaks left, separating to their own starting points before the game’s signal buzzes to begin.

Anakin listens to the Force well enough to be a terrifying shot, and gravity is more optional for him than most people. Rex has trained essentially from birth to be terrifying in combat. Padmé is clever, small, and swift, not to mention ready to sneak in any advantage she can slice out of an opportunity.

Even playing nice, and with Anakin not cheating with the Force too much, the laser tag game is brutal and goes on for a delightfully long time. Rex probably won, though they don’t bother asking what the suits registered for scores on their way out.

They’re relaxed in truth as they stroll down to Dex’s – the walk’s a little long, but it’s nice to have Padmé under one arm and Rex under the other as they wander through the crowds.

Ok, so it is more than a little mortifying when someone stops them to try to negotiate with Anakin for Rex’s services, but Padmé’s Force presence sings with amusement as she pretends to be offended and insists on negotiating with the idiot over her own services. She’s charging way more than the idiot can afford, and the embarrassed Pantoran finally beats a confused retreat because they “just wanted a nice time with the pretty man, not the scary lady”.

They’re still giggling over it as they stumble into Dex’s, Anakin dragging Padmé over to a booth while Rex places their orders at the counter. When he comes back to the table Anakin swaps so Rex is on the inside, and he’s braced for when Dex erupts from the kitchen, probably from recognizing their order. Anakin just has to press in a little, bumping shoulders with Rex who tenses in spite of himself. There’s the usual blush of frustration with himself in the Force, not that Anakin blames Rex for a bad reaction. Dex can be a lot, and given past experience with Krell....

He stays close, keeping Rex grounded with a light bump with his knee or brush of the arm whenever he can feel a tremble of trauma rattle through.

Rex settles quick, because Dex is an incredibly sweet being and Padmé is just that good at smoothing over the atmosphere when she tries – and for Rex, she’s always happy to go the extra mile.

When they finally leave for home, they’re well fed, relaxed, and content.

Of course the instant they’re back in the apartment they’re all over each other. It’s their anniversary, and the entire afternoon and evening has been one long game of teasingly-close-and-intimate but never over the line into anything sexual.

He didn’t used to have this kind of patience, but Padmé and Rex have worked long and hard to help him find it.

Anakin snags supplies from the bedroom, because this is definitely the kind of evening to enjoy the view from the main sitting room – and the nice, plush couches – as other people celebrate in a more  public manner. He sets things up as Rex moves around Padmé, speaking low and teasing in that tone that sinks right into Anakin’s belly, getting him hard so damn fast. Rex is all kisses and caresses for her, deftly reaching under her clothes and pulling free a set of vibro-knives, a pretty little blaster from her back, and a hold-out pistol tucked into a boot. Rex moves behind her, kissing along the neck to whisper into her ear, getting a delighted laugh from Padmé as he starts carefully running his fingers through her hair. That pulls a deep groan from Anakin, because the way she looks, arched up towards Rex who’s curled over her, the play of calloused, strong fingers through her hair – they are unfairly gorgeous, and the wicked grin Rex sends him means he totally knows, and that’s part of why he’s doing this.

He pulls some lockpicks free of Padmé’s fancy hair style, ruining the last bits of styling to leave tousled curls around her shoulders, and Anakin thinks she looks better that way. Oh, she’s always beautiful, but that mix of artifice and mess always gut-punches him in the best way.

Rex turns back to rest his chin on Padmé’s head, earning an amused look from her before her eyes flutter closed and she moans, because he’s ghosting his hands down along her body – a bit too busy for a caress, but too gentle for a pat-down.

This is all a little game they play, just between themselves – Rex tries to find whatever toys and surprises Padmé’s hidden for a day, though he doesn’t tend to find everything. She’s had a lot of time to learn ridiculous ways to hide things, and she’s got three dedicated tailors willing to alter her fancy wardrobe in interesting ways.

Padmé has promised that if Rex does win, she’ll replace that expensive lingerie set they ruined last time, that gorgeous gold getup for Rex with the pretty gold chain dangles that drove Anakin wild. Not that he’d ever tell, but Anakin knows for a fact that she’s got the replacement already, tucked away in a discreet box in the depths of her terrifyingly large closet.

Rex ends with his hands on Padmé’s hips, nuzzling the skin behind her ear. Anakin can see how it makes her knees go weak, how Rex is supporting most her weight, and he’s tempted to just jack off here and now because they are gorgeous.

“That’s everything,” Rex declares, that deep rumble again that makes both Padmé and Anakin shiver.

“No,” she says, a bit breathy as she leans back so Rex has most of her weight in truth. “A little help, Ani?” She lifts a leg, and if he’s letting his hands wander and feel as he helps pull off her boot, no one minds.

The blaster holster is discreet, right next to the back seam, and Padmé pulls a thin bit of metal from inside that seam. It’s not wide enough to be an actual knife, but it has a wicked point and looks like in a pinch, it’d be great for stabbing into vital bits or throwing hard enough to confuse someone.

Rex looks genuinely put out, so he didn’t miss it on purpose. “I checked there!”

Padmé twists enough to kiss him an apology. “The holster’s specifically designed to conceal it. You’re meant to find the gun.”

Rex shoots an exasperated look to Anakin, who grins and shrugs back at him. He knows better than to wager against Padmé. Rex smirks and rolls his eyes, then gives him a look. Anakin can feel his intent in the Force, so he grins and nods back.

“Sneaky,” Rex grumbles, hoisting Padmé into his arms and a long kiss. She’s laughing when he pulls away, then shrieking giggles as Rex carefully tosses her in Anakin’s direction.

It’d be too far for even Rex to make, but Anakin uses the Force to catch her and draw Padmé into his arms. He gives her his own long kiss, enjoying the pleased noises she makes while twining her arms around him.

“Congratulations, Angel, you won,” he says, pulling away to gaze at her in helpless awe. He sinks down onto the couch, because even petite as she is, he doesn’t want to stand around holding her much longer. “How do you want to start this evening?”

Padmé reaches for the toys Anakin laid out, and trails her fingers over the strap-on harness with a teasing smirk. “I think I’d like you on your knees – the couch is just the right height, and you can see what you can do for Rex while I take care of you.”

He can’t stop a pleased noise escaping him, doesn’t even try as he clutches her closer. He enjoys the noise it pulls from her as his artificial hand clenches just a hair too tight – he’d calibrated it so precisely when first getting it, desperate to make sure he didn’t hurt her, only to find her very, very sheepishly asking at some point if he couldn’t be just a little rougher – not harsh, just enough to feel things.

Rex is better about knowing just where that line is, and he walks it beautifully, but Anakin can never quite figure out how to convince his brain that ‘worship’ can include roughness. It’s sometimes such a relief to just follow Rex’s lead, able to trust that someone knows exactly how far to push and how best to do it.

Doesn’t hurt that Rex enjoys that too.

“Maybe this one instead?” Rex asks, chuckling as if he can hear what Anakin’s thinking. He gently places a different dildo next to the strap-on, and Anakin shivers. That one’s got an interesting vibration system, so it doesn’t take long to beautifully scramble his brains but it only teases Padmé.

She makes a delighted, interested noise. “And then when I’m all riled up you’ll take care of me?”

“If I can stand again by then, I’ll fuck you on the table until you scream,” he rumbles, voice dark and promising. Ani can feel the way Padmé shivers, her breath catching as she arcs like she can already feel the Naboo-imported wood on her back.

“Yes, sir,” she breathes, and Ani can see Rex’s eyes dilate at that, dark and hungry as his tone had been.

Anakin doesn’t actually know when to stop pushing, but thankfully they know that. He reaches out, hand to Rex’s shoulder like it’s just another day on the battlefield and he’s giving a friendly shoulderpat. Except now he gets to slide his thumb under Rex’s shirt, trace lightly over some scars and the collarbone, watch Rex arc his neck as he sways in closer. “Tease her enough, take your time, and then we might have to return the favor.”

Rex lunges in for a fierce kiss, teeth clacking a bit before he rearranges to not squish Padmé quite as much between them. From her laughter, she doesn’t mind, and her squirming is turning interesting. Rex, the bastard, is smirking when he finally lets Anakin breathe. “It’s gonna take both of you.”

His brain might not be firing on full yet, but he doesn’t need thought to know what’s going on here. “Pssh, please,” he says, lofty and disdainful. “It’d only take Padmé, but I want to do more than watch.” Then his brain does catch up, and his expression falters. “Er, I mean. Not that I mind watching, just, uh....”

They just laugh, moving in to start helping Anakin out of his clothes. They don’t even need to say anything, which is kind. Anakin waits long enough for his prosthetic’s glove to come off – Rex has a fascination with the detailwork and feel of it that Anakin doesn’t understand, but he doesn’t question. Then he’s reaching back, and it’s a tangle of limbs and disappearing clothing, laughter and pleasure. He loves his spouses so much, his two beautiful badasses that can lead like gods and fight like nightmares – kind, and sometimes ridiculous, and all entirely his.

~end

[kyluxtrashpit]

K so I said I might write a post about what I wanted from ep 9 and then I ended up doing it. So this is essentially a summary of the movie I would’ve made if someone gave me that ability. It’s not fully fleshed out, but I literally could not stop myself from typing it out once I starting piecing it together lmao

Even though this is my own creation, I still consider this a spoilery post SO WARNING FOR RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS RIGHT HERE

I still think the best thing to do with ep 9 would be to centre it on the FO falling apart instead of ‘oh no daddy palps is back :o’. Truth be told, I’d rewrite TLJ too if I could, but I’m going to try to work within its constraints on this as well as keep some tros stuff intact for the sake of trying to work with it. So here’s the basic plot of what I would’ve liked to see:

Kylo undermining and removing authority from Hux while he focuses on Force stuff. He’s still looking for secrets and holocrons, but there’s no palpatine

Meanwhile the Resistance is working on building up their forces and helping the little people, plus trying to get info to take down the FO

The focus of the Resistance side is them trying to get the strength to face the FO and working together and all that good stuff. Focus more on the small acts of goodness in the galaxy that bring people together and end up with those they help joining the Resistance. That’s where they get their strength

Rey’s story would also be mostly about mastering the Force (and Leia still helps to train her) and the love and family she’s found among the Resistance. She’s still stupidly powerful though. I’d love to make her a Skywalker, but hell, it’d even work if she remained a nobody. TLJ was her crucible; she knows who she is now. She doesn’t need anyone else to tell or write her story for her

Also I really want her to go grey jedi. So maybe she realizes what Luke really meant: it was time for the jedi not truly to end, but to change. To embrace emotion without losing themselves to it. To realize that the only true way to achieve balance is not by staying light in order to defeat the dark, but instead learning to master both and keeping the balance within herself. That way, when the darkness is defeated, it won’t need to rise again: true balance. This would be her growth in the story, to learn how to embrace true balance in the Force

Also Finn’s story is still going to focus on the Stormtroopers (and Jannah can 100% still be there). So he finds Jannah and her team in Act 1, and then in Act 2 they unearth some secrets as to how Stormtroopers are brainwashed. Conditioning can’t be broken out of by will alone; Finn was Force sensitive. But something else happened with Jannah and her company. An idea is born: could they recreate that on a large scale and free them all? That’d be a huge blow to the FO and it would save all those troopers who never had a choice in what to be

Poe’s focus would still be on becoming the leader they need him to be, with lots of fun trio moments. So his wouldn’t actually change that much, but nothing about him being a drug dealer. I’m sure Zori could still be worked in but tbh I didn’t feel she added much to the plot

Rose is there a lot more too and comes along on all their adventures, happy to liberate anyone they can. She’s always been in it for the little people and that’s where she shines

Also Kylo is even more erratic, even more lost. He feels torn apart all over again. He’s not doing well as SL; he thought it would make things clearer, but it didn’t. He’s unstable and feral, focusing on all the wrong things and making bad choices because of it

Near the end of Act 1 of the movie, Hux betrays Kylo in a near deadly fashion, but Kylo manages to escape by the skin of his teeth

The Resistance gets word of a civil war within the FO. It;s Hux’s fleet (the red troopers + newer FO officers) vs Kylo’s fleet (mostly the older imperials who remember Vader + the KOR – you can keep Pryde here too if you want). This is their chance. They can take advantage of the chaos

While Kylo recovers from Hux’s attack, he starts having doubts again. Nothing has felt right since he became SL but what other choice does he have? He can’t go back, can he? He’s not supposed to want to. And even if he did, he’s too far gone to ever be welcomed, even by his own mother. So he continues fighting against Hux, more harried and haunted than ever

This situation degrades quickly. Both sides are getting hits in, but Hux is winning. Worse yet: it’s spilling over and doing collateral damage. Places controlled by the FO are being exploited, even worse atrocities being committed against them in this rapid arms race to superiority

Hell, maybe Hux’s fleet still has those planet-destroying canons like Palps’ fleet cause why not, everyone seems to think SW needs a superweapon in it. Anyway

There’d be more development on the heroes’ side as I detailed above here. Rey helping people and learning to be grey. Finn discovering the secrets of the Stormtrooper program. Poe becoming a leader. Rose comes with them on their journeys. Leia is heard rather than seen for the most part; she’s surviving this time around, but her presence is felt through her messages and dialogue snippets rather than physically being in the scenes. Some of the footage could be used, especially her hug with Rey, but I’d use much less of it

The Resistance knows they have to hurry. Do they have enough people? They have no idea, but they’re gonna try anyway. They have to. And you can still have Lando do basically the same thing; show up, be cool, then go get some more people

I’d like to do more with the KOR too, but tbh I’m not sure how other than just some scenes of them and Kylo doing Ren Stuff (whatever that may be). But there’d definitely be something

Near the end of Act 2, there’s a particularly brutal fight. I’d want Kylo and the KOR on the ground here, doing their shit. It feels kinda cheap to have him almost die again but tros also had 2 death fake outs for Kylo before the actual death so fuck it lmao. He thinks he’s going to win (maybe Hux is even there? Or maybe Phasma is revived? Or even just some fancy trooper akin to FN-2199 or something. Maybe it’s even Force-nullifying tech), but then the last minute he gets his shit wrecked

He’s dying. He reaches out with the Force, violently, affecting everyone. Rey hears it through the shattered bond. Finn even hears it, though faintly. It hits Leia hardest of all

Meanwhile, Kylo sees the ghost of Anakin instead of a vision of Han. Anakin, who knows better than anyone what it is to turn to the dark, but also what it is to turn away from it. The scene would still play out similarly, but not mirror the past scene with Han so much

(Look, I know a lot of people don’t like bendemption, but I think that redemption is always possible as long as it’s written well. And that applies to pretty much any character. TROS just needed more time to develop it, which I am attempting to do here by showing Kylo’s instability at the beginning)

Anakin manages to heal Kylo enough to bring him back from the brink of death, but not fully. I don’t think I want Kylo to toss away his lightsaber, but he still could. Regardless, there’s some sort of symbolic gesture to prove he’s changed his mind

A ship arrives: it’s the Resistance. Finn and Poe are cautious, but Rey doesn’t fear him. She confronts him about this sudden change of heart, but she can feel his sincerity. So she reassures Finn and Poe and they bring him along, though no one is really happy about it. They fix him up

With Kylo’s fleet all but destroyed, Hux is ready to take out the Resistance and everyone who sympathizes. Now perhaps we have a planet the trio had previously visited get destroyed. There’s still an ultimatum from the FO to obey or die. It’s a crackdown. A final act to ensure domination of the galaxy. Hell, you can even still call it the Final Order if you want to

The Resistance now strikes. Lando’s getting more back up, if he can, but they take who they’ve got. Kylo is there and there’s a lot of mistrust (could be played for humour too) but not enough time to get into it. They need to do this or too many will die. If he tries anything, Rey will strike him down and she tells him so. She’s done listening to his attempts to get under her skin

This Kylo is also definitely more Ben (I’m mixed on whether he should just go back to his old name or not so I’m keeping him Kylo for the sake of this summary). There’s guilt, though. A lot of it. You can see it on his face and in what he says. But helping to fix this will be a start. His crimes aren’t forgotten; he wants to make up for them however he can

Also Finnrey happens. They kiss before the fight this time and it’s very cute and romantic

So basically the end fight is Resistance fleet vs FO fleet. Poe is leading the charge. Meanwhile, Finn, Jannah, Rose and company sneak on to try to end FO conditioning. Rey and Kylo also sneak on; they’re going for Hux and the elite troops he uses as guards

Hux is going to have to have Force-nullifying tech of some sort (which I think is extremely underused in the SW universe as a whole btw). But he underestimates what Rey (powerful as fuck) and Kylo (Skywalker) are capable of

I’m not 100% sure how this fight plays out but I think I want Rey and Kylo to take out Hux’s elite troops without being able to use the Force. It’d be a fun struggle to watch and also make the fight much more visceral and difficult for them. But they both know how to fight, so they win

On the other side, Finn, Jannah, and Rose manage to do whatever to free the Stormtroopers from mind control (I’m not sure exactly how this would happen, but it’s star wars, it doesn’t need to make much sense). We get the first stage of a full trooper rebellion. They go after the officers immediately

Outside, Poe is struggling, just like in tros. They might lose this. Even if the landing party wins, there’s just too many of them. Cue Lando bringing a big fleet to help and giving us an epic space battle

Back inside: something exciting happens and it turns into a struggle between Hux’s tech and their combined Force powers. This is how I think it should go:

Kylo gives Rey his Force powers, which knocks him unconscious. Rey now has the power to break through on her own. It shouldn’t be possible. She sends out a concussive blast that knocks Hux back. The ideal here would be Hux being captured and taken in alive to be tried for war crimes, but I know that’s asking too much lmao so

If I can’t have definitively alive Hux: Rey approaches him but the ship makes a buckling noise; her Force powers compromised the structural integrity. Debris falls, obscuring Hux (and probably implying it killed him), and she knows it’s time to run. Kylo also comes to around this moment and follows

(And for real, I’m also okay with Hux dying for sure here, because at least he got to have his day first, but this is fantasy land lmao so I’m just not gonna have it happen as far as that goes)

Finn, Jannah, and Rose lead the stormtroopers onto transports as the ship starts falling apart. Rey and Kylo (and Hux, if I got my way) show up and make it in too. They take off and make it out just as the Finalizer crumples. Everyone lives! (Plus Hux is plausibly still alive even if I can’t have him definitely alive sdkfsdkl)

They call for the fleet to stop; the Stormtroopers on every destroyer are rising up, freed from their shackles. Shot of FO officers tied up and captured as the Stormtroopers, without their helmets, celebrate

A sidenote: I can’t decide whether I want Kylo to have lost his Force powers permanently by giving them to Rey or for him to get them back. I think losing them would be a good act of sacrificial penance, but at the same time, I’m not sure if that’s a thing so lmao. I’m open to possibilities here

End bit would still be a celebration. Rey and Finn and Poe still hug. The Stormtroopers are happy. We can still have that moment with Lando and Jannah; the implication of trying to find where every one of the troopers came from. The FO officers have been imprisoned. Everything is right in the galaxy again

Now there’s one more scene with Kylo: he stands in front of a door, looking pensive, squeezing and unsqueezing his hands into fists. The shot moves to his back and the door opens. You can’t see what’s inside but you hear: “Ben?” followed by a pause, and then a small, broken “Mom.”. He steps inside and starts to fall to his knees. End scene

Now, as a last scene, we could still do Rey having a funeral for Luke on Tatooine and keep the ending shot basically the same except Leia and her saber aren’t there because Leia is alive. Rey could still decide to be a Skywalker if she’s a nobody. The shot of two suns. The End.

[brehacrgana]

just watched TROS and i have NO WORDS... (except i also have many). what was that

at about half of the movie one guy stood up, put on his jacket and left...I don’t think he was wrong

spoilers below (the bad and the good - however little that might be). please come to talk if you’ve seen the movie

first of all...WHAT THE FUCK. what the fuck...i sat through the movie and i had to laugh at times because whatever was happening was so absurd shit i couldn’t even imagine. at other times i just sat with my mouth open and could not believe they really went there...it was that bad. how in the world is this the end of star wars

the way the movie started... in the title sequence...”THE DEAD SPEAK” lol. palpantine’s return or whatever shit announced immediatly (which i didn’t expect would happen); then the first scene of kylo ren in slo-mo killing some random people (literally who was that) in some woods and then finding palpantine’s cave or something where palps told him “hurr hurr i created snoke...i was every voice in your head...kill the girl” - sir how are you even alive. i literally don’t remember if this was explained in the movie and i don’t think so

rey - jesus christ. girl. i don’t know what they did to her character. but anyway. in the beginning of the movie leia did some jedi training with rey and i loved that...especially when rey adressed leia with “master”! but in the start of that scene rey was flying in the air while doing some meditation and that was absurd imo / i laughed lol. then kylo ren showed up because of that force bond shit and rey messed up her training which sucked

nice scene: finn and poe returning from some mission and meeting/reuniting with rey on the rebellion’s home base - rey and poe bickered a bit, rey and finn hugged...i liked that

rey finn and poe and chewie went to a desert planet where some party was going on. nice scene: rey talked to an alien being there and it was a cute, nice interaction that would have been heartwarming

lando shows up, points them to some cave, where a big snake or something was which had an injury lol...rey gave it some life power through the force  and healed it. LOL: foreshadowing...

kylo ren and the knights of ren (lol who are they even) show up on that planet. while the others try to make a ship ready to leave, rey (why...) goes and stands in the middle of the desert waiting for kyle ron to show up or whatever. he does of course and races at her with his ship, she does that jump from the trailer and cuts his ship in half. it crashes and explodes. no, kylo somehow doesn’t die from that. meanwhile poe and finn told chewie to get rey bc they have to leave (knights of ren approaching), but while rey is busy doing whatever the fuck that was, chewie gets captured by some stormtroopers and is led on their transport ship. it takes off. finn screams to rey “they have chewie” and rey uses the force to try and drag that ship back to the ground...kylo emerges and also uses the force on that ship, and they have a force battle until rey does palpantine style force lightning on that ship. it completely explodes. everyone thinks chewie is dead. i was really horrified, not gonna lie, like rey...

but lol. SOMEHOW chewie was on another transport ship (lol???? where was that) and is alive after all. they go to rescue him. while they fly to the stardestroyer where chewie is being kept prisoner, rey says that “yada yada people say they know me but nobody does” to finn and it is awful... arrived on the star destroyer, finn and poe want to free chewie, while rey fucks off to do her own thing and go to kylo’s quarters. force bond kylo appears, they fight blabla, he tells her...

“oh you wanted to take my hand, i kNoW YoU you’re a palpatine, he was your grandfather��� ................................................ i read the spoilers so i knew this was gonna come, but seriously???? what a crack fucking theory. REY PALPANTINE!  I QUIT!!!

flashback to rey’s parents who look like nice people who tried to protect her by leaving her on jakku. palps killed them after they didn’t tell him where rey was

meanwhile finn poe and chewie are captured, stormtrooppers are going to execute them. then hux steps in hilariously, kills the stormtroopers, and is like “i’m the spy for the rebellion.” i laughed

who is zorii...or whatever her name was.

the trio gang goes to that planet where the remains of the death star are...they meet a group of horse riders, one of them jannah. i loved her! i really did. she was one of the bright spots for me in that shitshow. her and finn talk, she also used to be a stormtrooper and has the same story as finn

also Finn was shown very clearly to be force sensitive! loved that

rey does another solo trip and goes to the remains of the death star...where she meets dark!rey which was hilarious and absurd. they fight and at one point dark!rey hissed and bared her teeth at rey - i actually scream laughed

well then kylo ron came to that planet, the water fight scene happened, and actually rey fucking killed him!!! he died! cut to leia. she says “ben” and then somehow just actually dies too. seriously. just like that. FROM WHAT???

anyway rey feels that leia has died and lol idk she’s like oh know and resurrects kylo with the force. yeah. lol. she’s then like “yeah i did want to take your hand...ben’s hand” and cries and leaves

really...who is ben. why do you care. what

on the rebellion base people are gathered around leia’s dead body and i don’t remember her name, but lupita nyongos character say “farewell, dear princess” and that almost made me cry

back to kylo. he’s looking at the ocean in contemplation. suddenly a voice behind him says “hey, kid”. he turns around and it’s han fucking solo. LOL

they basically play out the same scene as in tfa just before kylo killed han except this time he doesn’t. han says kylo ron died and kylo yeets his lightsaber into the water.

ok, another hilarious absurd scene: rey goes to luke’s exile planet and sets kylo’s ship (which she took to fly there) on fire. she’s throwing the lightsaber in the flames but oh! a hand yeets out of the flames! it’s force ghost luke who caught the saber and is like oh you should be more careful with a jedi’s weapon.

luke then shows her LEIA’S LIGHTSABER and there’s a flashback scene of LEIA AND LUKE DOING JEDI TRAINING !!!! a good part of the movie

rey takes both lightsabers and flies to palpantine’s planet. she meets him in his cave. palps does he’s usual unimaginable power shit...”i want you to kill me...then my soul will go over to you and all the siths that have ever been will live in you”. whatever

“ben” also shows up of course, he kills the kights of ren with the lightsaber that was magically teleported to him by rey i guess

rey and “ben” face palps together. he is like oh your bond is so strong, let me take all your energy...very reminiscent of dementor’s in harry potter movies sucking out their souls lol. they drop to the ground, unconscious. palps lifts “ben” up and yeets him into a big abyss.

there was a nice scene in between of poe grieving for leia and saying he doesn’t know what to do/how they can make it, but then lando shows up and they talk about how lando and the old trio back in the day didn’t know how to make it either, but they still tried etc. and made it

ok another nice scene: while palps is doing super force lightning to destroy the rebel fleet or whatever, rey is on the ground gatherig strength and she hears the voices of old jedi masters...obi wan! anakin i’m pretty sure also!

then there’s a nice shot of her standing up and facing the emperor with lightsaber in hand.

she kills him, but dies doing it.

but wait lol...”ben” somehow crawls back out of that abyss to cry over her dead body. he also revives her with force power. they look at each other sappily and kiss.......no words. they fucking really went there

actually when that happened the people in the cinema made a lot of sounds, some said ew lmao others just laughed

then “ben” dies for good lol. people scream laughed

in the end there was a nice rebellion victory celebration scene, i always like scenes like that

rey goes to tattoine and buries the lightsabers of luke and leia who show up via force ghost. somehow rey then has a yellow lightsaber in her hand. some old woman comes along and asks who are you? rey says...i’m rey.....skywalker and then watches the sunset. the end.

in spoilers i read it was said that rey says she feels incomplete without kylo and goes to live on tattoine alone for the rest of her life. maybe i blacked out and didn’t get that, but i did not see it. it did not happen, right?

when the movie ended some people in the cinema actually started clapping.

lol. i don’t know what that was...yeah it had some good moments, but it really was the worts star wars movie of all times for me. it was wild and absurd and stupid as fuck and i am so, so disappointed. TFA i loved, there was so much potential there...but then tlj happened and somehow tros eneded up even worse than that. i don’t know what the worst part for me was, rey palpantine, leia’s death in that manner, reylo... it was a mess. it actually makes me really sad. bye felicia

[baronfulmen]

Untangling Palpatine

Today's exercise is trying to figure out what Palpatine was doing between Episode 6 and Episode 9, and whether or not there's some way the shit we see can make sense.

We start our plot reconstruction at the end of Episode 6, when Vader throws Palpatine down random Death Star shaft #45,641.  There's that burst of energy that appears to be Palpatine being disintegrated, but clearly that's not the case so let's say his force lightning just caused some component on the wall of the shaft to explode.

So Palpatine hits the bottom, fall softened somewhat by a force push but not so much that he's unharmed.  He breaks a lot of bones, plus he once again lightninged himself which seems to be a problem he's got.  Some maintenance worker sees him and flips, calls some other guys in and they get him to safety.  Right at this point the whole place is about to blow, but they get him to an escape pod or something.

So he's alive, and the movie is over.  Anakin has not really brought balance to the force, so I guess that prophesy is a bust - but then I don't know it was confirmed to be specifically about him anyway.  Maybe that was about Kylo or Rey or something.  The Empire doesn't cease to exist right away, but it's not doing great.  It could use some leadership.  Leadership like, say, the Emperor.  But no, he for some reason would rather let the empire fracture and fall into chaos - maybe that was a little too close for comfort, and he wants to lay low until the heat dies down some.

But he can't completely let things go, so he pulls out the old clone vats and makes some pseudo-emperors.  Because that was always a thing he could do, I guess.  He names one Snoke, and one Sloke, and one Skoke, and one Billy just to mix things up.  He sends them to each part of the splintering empire and most of them get killed and that's fine.  He salvages a few areas, and the biggest group turns into the First Order.  And he uses the force to control Snoke - it's not clear how sentient Snoke is when the Emperor isn't pulling his strings, but let's say he's mostly a figurehead and has very little intelligence or initiative of his own.

But meanwhile this body is getting pretty ragged, and his kid (that we've never heard of) has run off and married some girl and knocked her up.  Okay, well that's fine, maybe the kid will be force sensitive or something and he can use that.  It's... not clear why this needs to happen.  His own son is not a person of any interest, presumably the force skipped a generation.  There are other force sensitives out there, does blood relation matter so much?  If it does, is there a reason he can't use a clone?  Also, can he just have more kids himself?

Even if the force lightning has rendered him sterile, wouldn't he want to kidnap his living son and use him as a breeder?  But no, even though for some vague (possibly religious) reasons he wants to use a relative he decides he doesn't care about his kid.  He has the entire might of the first order plus a few million other remaining Empire soldiers at his disposal but he wants this mission to have the personal touch so he sends just one guy to go get his son, his daughter in law, and his granddaughter.

He could give the guy his coordinates - he already has a whole fleet of ships flying to and from the "secret" Sith planet day and night working on production of the planet-killing Star Destroyers, plus all the support personnel, etc. but instead he wants this guy to use one of the two Sith Wayfinders.  One is somewhere in a forest in a box for some reason, the movie never explains that, but the other was right by his throne room in the second Death Star.

So Palpatine force-projects over there, floats around as a ghost, confirms that the throne room survived surprisingly intact and the wayfinder is sitting there in his secret closet.  Cool.  He floats over to the coast, picks a spot at random, memorizes the shape of the wreckage from there, and then commissions a knife.  Why?  Style, that's why.  He writes some coordinates on there - in Sith, obviously - although he doesn't make the coordinates very specific so it's down to luck if the guy will stand at the correct part of the coast for the shape of the blade to line up.

Then he sends the knife to the guy, so the guy can use it to get to the wayfinder and use the wayfinder to get to the planet where the millions of Empire people already live while they build the mega-fleet.  Not overcomplicated at all.

The guy goes, grabs the Emperor's son and daughter in law, ignores the child chasing after them yelling "mamma, don't go!" because surely that's irrelevant, and then briefly and ineffectually questions them before stabbing them to death with the map-knife.  He could go back and look around for the child but it's been a long day and he doesn't want to. Instead, he goes to some other random planet, parks in the middle of the desert, falls into a patch of beads that somehow drops him into a tunnel without letting the beads through, and then he gets eaten by a snake.

Palpatine knows the guy has never returned, but he doesn't send anyone else to check out Jakku or go get the wayfinder or anything.  It's fine.  Everything is fine.  He didn't care that much anyway, and he's already decided that he would rather manipulate Han and Leia's kid who is almost old enough to start training.  Thankfully, despite being surrounded by powerful force sensitive people who love him nobody notices Palpatine reaching across space to mess with the kid.  He does this as Snoke, and sometimes as Vader just for giggles.  Anakin's force ghost thankfully never appears to the kid, that would have fucked up everything.

Eventually he gets Ben to do the privileged white teenager thing and shoot up his school, and brings him into the First Order.  Thankfully, Luke responds by retiring and not fighting the remains of the empire in any way or making any effort to clean up his mess.  This opens the way to really ramp up the First Order, which the opening crawl of Episode 7 implies has just become serious AFTER Luke took off even though with the scope and power they have that's not really possible.  Whatever, we'll say this is the time they start gaining back the ground that was lost in some areas.

So we're at the start of the first of the new movies, Episode 7.  Even though by now Palpatine must already have the Star-Destroyer sized Death Star guns designed, he still has the First Order build the Starkiller Base which is maybe not the best use of resources.  But it works, and in one shot blows up all the goodguys apparently.  Just like that, as the next movie makes clear, the First Order is the main power in the galaxy and the new republic is back to being a tiny group of plucky rebels.

All that's left is the cleanup, but Palpatine doesn't reveal himself or his millions of troops and gigantic fleet of Star Destroyers that must be at least partly completed by now.  He's still holding out for some perfect moment.  Then the Starkiller base gets blown to hell, and there's someone that seems to be a new Jedi.  He orders her killed - does he know this is his granddaughter?  Unclear.  Certainly he keeps ordering her killed after he knows, but it's possible he doesn't find out who she is until... I don't know, until she's close to his Snoke Puppet.

Either way, he tries to get Kylo to kill her.  Luke shows back up, then dies which is what the First Order wanted anyway.  The rebel forces are down to like twelve people, although between episodes 8 and 9 their numbers somehow swell a bit.  It doesn't matter, things are great and it's all over but the party planning.  The fleet of planet-killing Star Destroyers are done, but he buries them underground so that he can have a cool dramatic reveal.  Snoke is dead, and Kylo wants to take over the First Order, but he figures that's easy enough to deal with.

How?  Why, by sending a voicemail to the galaxy as a whole yelling at them.  It's... a roundabout way of doing things to be sure.  He could have just appeared to Kylo, or sent in a Snoke clone (Spoke is almost ready, just needs to be pulled from the vat), or sent the voicemail just to the First Order, or a million other things.  But nah, he tells everyone he's alive at once and then waits for Kylo to hunt him down.  Then he tells Kylo he's Snoke and pretended to be Vader and whatever else, and he dramatically raises all the star destroyers from the ground, but he doesn't deploy them.

The First Order is cool with all this.  It's probably strange for them to find out he was somehow secretly Snoke or in charge of Snoke or whatever, but fine.  And they probably wonder why he didn't bring in the enormous fleet of star destroyers before, and who the millions of people manning them are, but... fine.  Whatever.  It still means they won.  At this point he has told Kylo to kill Rey again, and also revealed who she is.  "Hey, go kill my granddaughter.  Thanks!"

He gets bored at some point and sends out one of the Star Destroyers, blows up a planet.  This star destroyer isn't explicitly accounted for later.  Just saying.  Then he sits back, and he waits for the next thing to happen passively.  He senses, presumably, when Rey is coming.  He certainly is aware when she enters the system, and he must know that she could be bringing the remains of the resistance down on him.  This would be a great time to launch all the star destroyers.

Nah.

So Rey walks in, and he tells her that he WANTED her to come even though he had been sending people to kill her this whole time.  He convinces her that he wants her to kill him and become the new Big Bad Sith - this is super clumsy if it's true, but if it's bullshit it's not a bad idea.  So let's give him some credit and say he never wanted her to kill him and it was reverse psychology - kill me, please, this is my plan!

Kylo shows up too, somehow.  Wait.  Rey stole his ship, right?  Whatever, he called an Uber.  Anyway, he's there and Palps tries to have him killed but that doesn't work.  Then they're both there in front of him and he remembers that he can suck the life out of them.  He couldn't do that to the Snokes Crew, but here's the pick me up he needed.  And then he chucks Kylo down a bottomless shaft because that always works, and... well, okay, it didn't work when Vader threw him down one.  But surely this time it will.  And then he tries to kill Rey.

In the past when he tried to use force lightning on someone with a light saber it went really badly.  This happened several times, but it's his go-to move.  Sure, he could pick up Rey and bash her into a wall until she's paste or something but no!  Force lightning is sooooo cool!  I mean, he's strong enough now that he can, somehow, use force lightning to target every single enemy ship in the sky without looking so killing Rey is no big deal.

Just like those other times, though, she blocks it with the light saber.  It's doing the feedback thing some, and she looks super intense like she's going to try something.  He could just stop the lightning and do that force smash thing.  But but but... force lightning!  So he keeps going.  She blasts him, somehow, and he keeps going, and she does it again and he... explodes.

Huh.

It kinda seems like if he had done anything differently he would have won, and like every part of his plan was needlessly overcomplicated.  It seems like he had the power and resources to take over the entire galaxy at any moment and yet remained invisible enacting redundant or contradictory plans until the last minute.

So, can it work?  Is there a story that makes the revelations of Episode 9 fit into the rest of the story?  Kinda!  But it's super, super stupid.

[forcefuried-a]

✿ - anon

Send ✿ for a HAPPINESS headcanon.

were you expecting something happy? GET READY TO GET FUCKING DEPRESSED. so thinking about anakin’s whole life, i feel like very few things brought him happiness. he was mocked for having been a slave when he was a kid training in the temple (canon), the jedi council held him back instead of letting him learn more advanced moves (canon) so he had to teach himself most of it (headcanon), he was just a complete personality mismatch with the jedi order even though he was one of their most effective men in the field……oh and did i forget to mention i hc him with ADHD and bipolar which the jedi were Not Great With due to the fact they value emotional repression to a point that i think is unhealthy. seriously though. when anakin was nine--NINE--and scared because he was away from his mom for the first time, all he heard from the council was fEaR iS tHe PaTh tO tHe dArK sIdE, like come on, that’s gotta be traumatizing. legit, if i were there, i would 1) have given yoda what for because as an aspiring teacher THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TREAT KIDS and 2) told ani to GET OUT AND NEVER GO BACK because obviously these adults are not going to take the proper care of him WHICH ALMOST NONE OF THEM DID.

WHEW i rambled, where was i? oh, right, talking about how very few things brought anakin happiness. i think one of them would have been ahsoka definitely, he loved his padawan, she called him an older brother and i think he’d see her as a younger sister. another two people who would make him happy were R2 and C-3PO, and then of course there’s obi-wan, his beloved master, and padmé, his wife, who makes him the happiest of all. i don’t know if i’m missing anyone--i probably am, since my knowledge of canon is incomplete--but basically my point is, he would have loved the “bringing justice” aspect of his job and that would have brought him joy, but he would have hated many of the people he was working with. his desire to do the right thing is an unstoppable force and his sheer and utter dislike of some of his colleagues is an immovable object. this really messed him up in ways that he was never able to resolve, and this lack of resolution was one of the factors that pushed him to hate the jedi as a whole.

in mainverse he does see a light at the end of the tunnel after all this, and it is dying. after he lost everyone around him due to his becoming vader, and after he lost basically everything else, death is literally the only thing he felt that could free him from his misery. i literally hc that when he killed palpatine he knew he was going to die but he did it anyway because he was t i r e d and goddamnit just wanted some rest. as things stand right now, force ghost anakin has achieved the sense of being at peace that almost none of his other-verse counterparts will achieve in their lifetimes……anakin wholeass fucked his life up so damn bad in like every single verse that the dead version of himself is the most stable and put together because death is transformative, many people involved in spiritual work in the real world say that the dead people they talk to are different than how they were when they were alive and i think the same would hold true in fiction. in some of his verses he could definitely achieve that sort of peace while alive if he tried hard enough……it’s just a matter of if he bothers to try.

[hippie-spirits-bard]

Theory on light/dark dynamic in the new movie

First: SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. Okay, this gonna be a long one so bear with me. DISCLAIMER: I have seen the movies and the series and read some of the legends. If my logic and some of my information is flawed, I am sorry, I am a fan but not that hardcore and humans do mistakes. Feel free to correct me and share your theories but do not come at me.

Let’s talk about the mortis gods. For those who don’t know the mortis gods are beings of force, the Father is the force, the Daughter is the light side of the force and the Son is the dark side of the force. The Father keeps the force balanced. Well, long story short Ashoka, Obi and Anakin came to the mortis gods’ planet, Daughter and Son fought, all of the mortis gods end up dead. The Father tells Anakin that he must bring balance to the force.

Anakin was the chosen one but my theory is that he was a representative of the Father. He was supposed to walk the middle path and keep both jedi and sith in balance with each other. But he was nicked by the Jedi and shoved into a light side role, maybe if Qui-Gon have guided him he would have been more neutral. There is more evidence that supports Anakin’s neutrality,like the fact that he spent half of life with the light and half with the dark side, just look at his age. I think the Jedi might have been too powerful and that caused an imbalance in the force. If you look at light/dark dynamics in eastern religion (which star wars is inspired from) and in eastern media(Kingdom Hearts for example), you’ll see that light and dark need each other to exist, a bright light casts a long shadow, there is light in darkness and darkness in light, they need each other to be kept in check, I could go on but you get the idea. It makes sense why the jedi fell, they grew too powerful and nicked the chosen one and tried to eliminate the sith permanently. Of course they would also see the whole ‘bring balance to the force’ as light winning and taking it all, we know that the Daughter and the Son wanted to be on top of each other. But the dark side used this imbalance and tipped the scales in their favor, switching from a light controlled galaxy to a dark controlled galaxy.

I think Luke is  the Daughter’s chosen one as the force needed to be brought back to the light. If you look at it it makes sense. The sith knew about Anakin and not Luke, why? Because Anakin was connected to the both side, Luke only to the light. Yoda was contacted by Qui-Gon and light side creatures to teach him how to become a force ghost and tell them that there is another chosen one. Crazily enough, I think Luke’s destiny wasn’t supposed to be with the light. Anakin was supposed to be the Father, Leia the Daughter and Luke the Son. I mean, in legends Leia is not once corrupted by the dark side compared to her brother, probably because her strong connection to the light side. But, I think the Force changed plans cause Anakin fucked up, and they switched Luke to the light side since his destiny with the dark side might have turned him into a very powerful sith and that is not what the force wanted while Anakin was still running around with Palpatine. Leia was never presented by the force as a chosen one probably because they didn’t want her to be used as a tool of the light side. I mean having 2 powerful light side jedi might have caused imbalance again. But her connection to the light side still made her powerful. I mean she was a prodigy, a general, a jedi, an incredible diplomat and so on.

Okay, now finally let’s talk about the last movie. I think the force decided to rectify their mistakes and instead of choosing a person to balance both sides they picked one for each side and let them balance each other.  I think they picked them in the second movie. As Luke was closing to death they chose Rey to carry the light mantel and they chose Ben Solo to be the dark side chosen one. This is why they were so connected. They were supposed to balance each other out, one light one darkness, trapped in an eternal dance. If you look at the Daughter and the Son, while they were trying to best each other they loved each other dearly, not in a romantic way obviously. Since Rey and Ben weren’t related their love was able to be romantic. I think Ben didn’t necessarily switched to the light, I think he just knew his destiny and what he had to do. Also, if he truly switched than Rey would have eventually switched to dark to keep the balance. I think the reason they were both called to the other side was that if one made a switch the other can be pulled by the force into the other side as well, keeping balance. This is why the vision of Rey joining the dark side kept coming because Ben was in the risk of coming back to the light. You could also blame the call on bloodlines and that the roles were supposed to be reversed.

I think Ben’s death was okay, it was sad but made sense. Yes, you can booo me for this. Firstly, he wanted to follow in Darth Vader’s footsteps, well he nailed it, honestly. Secondly, you all dream of Rey and Kylo happy on a planet as the galaxy is balanced again, well that will most definitely not happen if Ben was alive. The resistance will arrest and persecute everyone affiliated with the First Order and send bounty hunters after those they can’t capture. Do you think Ben will be forgiven? After all his crimes and with his body count? Of course not! Either he and Rey will be on the run forever or she will have to bring him back and see him persecuted. I am also very happy that my ship is cannon.

Coming back to my light/dark theory and how they are the light and the side of things always in balance. I think there is a chance that Ben realized that if he turns to the light side, Rey would have been pulled to the dark side. So he either never turned to the light side and just decided to help Rey and his parents cause he wanted to, I mean being a sith doesn’t mean you can’t love or care, or he turned light side and killed himself so Rey won’t have to switch. Ben being secretly alive on the light side or dead on the dark might pose a tad of a problem. If he is dead then Rey is not balanced, which is bad, if he is secretly alive but on the light side, Rey will have to switch.

Now Palpatine. I am pretty sure that Palpatine’s son is his clone, you know the way Boba Fett was Jango Fett’s son. I think Palpatine might be asexual so yeah, don’t see how a child might happen. I think he might be an aberration of the Force, or just became one the same way Abeloth is. He was a dark side user but he wanted to go beyond that. At this point I don’t think he cares which side he uses as long as he is powerful. There is so much evidence that Palpatine stopped being a sith long ago and he is just using the sith and the dark side because they are all his puppets, the light side hates him, and  hate, revenge and fear are easier to use to control people than love. Not that he didn’t try to use love to control people, in Rebels when he tries to corrupt Ezra he is not mean, he is not playing into Ezra’s fears, no, he loving, having the appearance of a grandpa ready to help Ezra. He knows the value of love but he is in too deep into darkness to efficiently use the light side for his gain. His own ideals also probably align with the dark side better and this is why he uses it. Compared to other sith he isn’t broken, or turned evil or something like that, no he is evil. He knew from young he wanted power and knowledge and did everything to gain it. If the light offered him the a better opportunity than the dark he would have gone with the light. He has better control on his emotions than most jedi, he is calm, composed and knows when to let go. He never fell to the dark side, he just used it for its power. Palpatine was a big collector of jedi and sith knowledge, he dived deep into their magic and ancient forgotten secrets. Further, have you notice how not once in the new movies anyone referred  to him as Darth Sidious? Coincidence? I think not! He is not a sith lord anymore, he is just Palpatine. He was playing both Rey and Kylo. He has another 30 back up bodies probably waiting for him, I doubt he is dead. If he is something similar to Abeloth than the only way to defeat him is to lock him away. Another evidence is the Son wanting to destroy everything before it goes to shit. We know the Son and the Daughter could see in the future, what if he saw a person similar to his mother that would continuously seed chaos war and fear in the galaxy. Of course he would think the galaxy should be bombed before another Abeloth appears. So yeah, I think Palpatine is the new Abeloth, after all Abeloth was always defeated by the Son and the Daughter together, so it makes sense their chosen ones now fight the new Abeloth.

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed my rant.

TLDR: Palpatine is Abeloth, Anakin is the Father, Rey is the Daughter, Kylo Ren is the Son and Leia and Luke were supposed to be the Son and the Daughter.

[dalekofchaos]

Star Wars Episode IX:The Rise Of Skywalker Wishlist

My new Episode IX Wishlist now that The Rise Of Skywalker title and teasr has been revealed

Rey’s training will be complete. It will be revealed that the “We’ve passed on all we know line” will mean the force ghosts of Luke, Yoda, Anakin and Obi-Wan. Rey is now ready to face Kylo Ren one last time and bring the war to an end

Finn will be revealed as force sensitive and wield the lightsaber by the end. Finn is force sensitive and there is so much evidence. The teaser is a red herring. By the end of the movie Rey and Finn will team up together against Kylo. Rey will have made her own Saberstaff and Finn will wield the Skywalker Lightsaber.

Finn and Poe will have their epic bromance(I love Stormpilot, but I know it won’t happen, I’m happy with Finnrey) and kick the First Order’s asses together

Rey and Rose friendship. Given the picture in Episode IX it seems like we’re finally getting to see Rey have a friendship with another girl FINALLY and a giant fuck you to Rian Johnson and Jason Fry for making Rose bitter and jealous towards Rey for no reason. Fuck you, you misogynistic assholes, fuck you. While we see Finn and Poe’s friendship grow, we will

Knowledge of Finn’s family. We will finally know about Finn’s family is. Perhaps BB-8 hacks into The First Order’s computer or something and the droid reveals it to Finn. Finn will be revealed to be the Lost Prince of  Artorias. Finn is said to be influenced by the Legends character Finn Galfridian, well Galfridian and Kyle Katarn. Finn is the lost prince. This is the best possible way to explain Finn, this would also explain Finn’s force sensitivity and holding his own against Kylo Ren. So how it could work is Finn was born on Artorias and the First Order had plundered the world first due to their weak military. They would take the children of the planet and turn them into Imperials while using the wealth of the royal family to help fund the FO. BB-8 could download these records and show them to Finn and The Resistannce. And Finn wanting to reclaim his title and world. This could also lead to Rey and or Luke training Finn. Finn will take his place as the co-protagonist in a big way.

Rey will be revealed to be the daughter of Luke Skywalker and Mara Jade. Kylo lied, it would not take a genius to figure that out and JJ said there is more to tell. The ship Rey saw in TFA appeared in the trailer. Keri Russell will play Mara Jade. Luke will tell Rey the truth. Maybe it happens like this. “the force is strong in my family. My father had it, I have it, my sister has it and my daughter has it”  “You were never meant to be left on Jakku…I thought you died the night in the academy.” “All those years. I was so alone.” “I know. I’m sorry.” “Did you ever try to find me?” “Of course. For so long I searched the galaxy for you. Everyone said that you had died that night in the temple, that I should give up searching. But through the force, I could still feel you. I knew you were still alive. Every face I seen, it was your. Every voice I heard, it was yours. It drove me crazy. I came to this island, turned away from the force because it was so hard. Feeling that you were somewhere in the galaxy and being unable to find you. Seeing you in front of me right now… I’ve never felt so lucky.” He wanted to turn Rey away from her family heritage and training her because he was afraid of losing her again. But now that he embraces her, he has never been so proud in her life. Luke will explain that his mother Mara Jade took her away from the academy before she could be killed by Ben during the academy massacre. Mara then took Rey to Jakku and blocked off her memories, so she can never be found by Kylo Ren or the First Order. Rey, now a Jedi will take up her family name and stop her cousin and bring balance to the force. It fits. Throughout The Force Awakens it fits, Rey needs to be a Skywalker in order for her journey to make sense. Rey is the heir to the Skywalkers and Kylo Ren is the Heir to Vader. 

The other scenario is Rey will take up the mantle of Skywalker. Rey has finally found her family and her place in the galaxy. Rise Of Skywalker means Rey and her connection to the Skywalkers, it’s about Rey even if she’s not a true Skywalker.  The entire trilogy is Rey’s hero’s journey and her character arc. She started as a scavenger abandoned on Jakku. She found a purpose aside from desperately waiting for something that will never come. The Force Awakens was Rey’s awakening. She found the force within herself and saved herself and her friend. The Last Jedi was about Rey finding her place and eventually becoming The Last Jedi. She found that her place was not following the teachings of the old Jedi or with Kylo Ren. Her place is becoming the new generation of Jedi and Rey herself becoming a legend. Rey will take the mantle of Skywalker and become the beacon of hope the galaxy needs.  

Rey, Finn and Poe will be on a journey to the Death Star graveyard to find the last Kyber Crystal.  Rey wants to use it to bring hope to the galaxy, while Kylo wants to use it as a weapon. It’s a race against time. We will finally see the three as the Sequel Trio. About fucking time.

Rose will be the big deal in The Resistance. Given the only picture we have of Rose in TROS is near a computer, I think Rose will be The Resistance’s hacker. And finally Rose will get the better writing and recognition  that she deserves. She will be devoted to The Resistance and will be a big hand in ending the war.

Jannah will be Jannah Calrissian, Lando’s daughter, she will be crucial to the story and help the trio in their mission.

Lando Calrissian will lead The Resistance in battle as General and be the war hero that destroyed the Death Star. Lando is not a tool for Kylo’s redemption. Respect the legacy characters or don’t use them at all

Leia’s role will be heartbreaking but satisfying. She will give her farewell to Rey, Finn and Poe. I’d also love it if her final action in Star Wars is to use Battle Meditation to lead The Resistance to victory.

A scene of Kylo and Leia together. It might not happen, but I want Leia to have a scene with her son, Leia to try and reach Kylo but it will fail as Kylo Ren is too far gone, her son is dead. He has completely submerged himself in darkness  and has pledged himself to destroying everything his family has built. He has promised to Leia that when The Resistance is in ruins, when my uncle(Lando) is dead, when “my replacement”(referring to Poe) is dead, the traitor is dead, when my cousin is dead(Jannah) and when the last jedi lies dead, then I will finally kill you, mother. Then Leia knows that her son is truly gone.

Kylo Ren is the villain. Kylo Ren is the villain of the sequel trilogy.  He has chosen his path over and over again, Kylo Ren is not getting redeemed and Reylo is not happening. He is The Supreme Leader, his goal is to end the Resistance and finish what Vader started by killing The Last Jedi. JJ himself said that’s what he means by “finish what you started.” Kylo rejected his family and chose The First Order, the point of his story is he is the Skywalker who chose the dark side and rejected the light. He will lead The Knights Of Ren to destroy The Resistance and to either force Rey to rule by his side or die with The Resistance. 

Anakin’s force ghost will visit Kylo to try and save him, but it is far too late. Snoke was preventing Anakin from seeing his grandson to bring him back and stop his grandson from repeating his mistakes. Ben Solo felt betrayed and lost it when he found out his grandfather was Darth Vader. He never found out that Anakin returned to the light and saved his son. Snoke lied about the truth and gaslighted Kylo into believing only Vader mattered and made him believe that compassion made him weak. Ben never learned the truth about Anakin. As for Anakin. Anakin was always the light that was calling to Ben, but because of Snoke, Anakin watched in vain as his grandson was becoming his mistakes. Anakin could hear everything that’s going on, he was a watching Kylo always but he can never be sensed or seen. Anakin hears Kylo ask “Show me again grandfather” and Anakin is so desperate to do something to turn him away from this dark path but he can’t do anything but watch in sadness and horror. So when he is finally able to manifest to his grandson. Anakin will tell him  “I never wanted you to repeat my mistakes. That pull to the light you were feeling was always me. I wanted you to be better than I was, who I could have been” and showing Ben his memories and what he had to go through. His life as a slave, meeting Padme, meeting Obi-Wan, becoming a Jedi, losing his mother, Order 66, losing Padme and being saved by Luke. And telling Ben “Let the light in. You still have a chance, no one is ever really gone“ And Kylo Ren would refuse to believe this. Kylo will retort that “the light made our family weak, your compassion made you weak, I will finish what you started and were too weak to finish.”  and Anakin watches in horror as his grandson continues his mistakes…and realizes he has become worse than he ever was as Darth Vader. His words fell on deaf ears and he could not save his grandson.

The Knights Of Ren will play a big role in the movie. My big hope is we actually learn about The Knights Of Ren. Unlike The Praetorian Guards who were faceless Guards who all just die, we know that the Knights are important and actually characters. We learn they were Jedi who left with Kylo Ren and helped him destroy the new Jedi Order. And they are Kylo’s new family.  The Knights serve The First Order, but they are completely loyal to Kylo. We only know of one of the Knights Of Ren. The Knights Of Ren will destroy The Resistance and finally destroy The Jedi.

Palpatine will return as a Sith Holocron to guide Kylo Ren and the Knights Of Ren. Palpatine will just be Classic Sheev™ trying to turn Vader’s heir into who he was meant to be and guide The Supreme Leader. It makes sense. The Jedi are guiding Rey, while the Sith guide Kylo Ren. Palpatine guides Kylo to Vader’s lightsaber. The legacy lightsabers of Anakain Skywalker and Darth Vader. Can’t think of a better way to have a final battle than that.

Phasma is dead. She is not coming back. She has been screwed over twice, thankfully Gwendoline Christie’s talent will not be wasted for a third time. It’s such a shame Phasma was not used to her full potential.

Hux will actually be threatening, he wants the kyber crystal so he can power the Empire’s abandoned superweapon that can finally crush the Resistance, he also plans on using this weapon on Kylo Ren and the Knights Of Ren so can  crush all his enemies in a single move. Hux is playing the long game. I’d also like a Phasma mention by Hux “it is lonely without Phasma, I always wanted her to rule by my side, she will be missed” 

In a final force bond session, Ren will taunt Rey. telling her she is nothing and to join him and together they can rule the galaxy. Rey will then tell him “I was never nothing. I am Rey Skywalker, a Jedi like my father and mother before me”  Ren is like “oh shit” but prepares for her

The final battle will be on Jakku. It will end where it began. It ends at the Empire’s defeat and the birth of the First Order and it ends where Rey’s journey began. Rey will face Kylo, but her friends will stop her from going alone. Perhaps this Kyber Crystal will help awaken everyone’s potential. So this way, we can have Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose and Jannah be the new Jedi who rise. The Skywalkers. Rey and her friends will face Kylo and The Knights Of Ren 

The duel between the new Jedi and the Knights Of Ren will be intense and emotional, it will even rival Anakin and Obi-Wan. It will end with the Knights being defeated but only Rey and Kylo will be left fighting.

Rey and Kylo are evenly matched. But it will end. Rey is giving him one final chance. “Ben, Surrender. Your fleet is in ruins, Hux  has been captured and your Knights are defeated, you have lost Supreme Leader” Kylo Ren will scream at her “BEN IS DEAD, I KILLED HIM. I WILL KILL YOU ALL, AND FINALLY GENERAL ORGANA, THIS ISN’T OVER” Ben Solo is truly dead. his eyes are piercing yellow and his lightsaber is pure crimson. Only Supreme Leader Kylo Ren remains.

Kylo Ren’s fate. The battle between The Resistance and The First Order is over. The fight between Rey Skywalker and Kylo Ren is finished. Rey will chop his hand off and destroy Ren’s lightsaber. Rey has both legacy lightsabers in her hands and Rey at her mercy like her grandfather had Dooku at his mercy.  Ren is screaming and begging her to kill him. But once again, Rey refuses to do what Ren tells her to do. Rey will pull a Aang and sever Kylo Ren’s connection to the force. The war is over. Kylo Ren does not deserve death nor does he deserve to live with the force. He deserves to live with the consequences of his actions and be  accountable for his actions and forever be imprisoned for his crimes against The Galaxy and his family

The final episode will end with the war ending, The Resistance and The First Order has signed a peace treaty and together as the Galactic Federation has brought peace to the galaxy.  Kylo Ren, and Hux will spend the rest of their lives imprisoned for war crimes against The Galaxy and The Republic. Rey, Finn, Poe, Rose and Jannah have formed a New Order, The Skywalkers and brought balance to The Force. It ends with Rey and Finn’s wedding. Luke, Anakin, Yoda and Obi-Wan look proudly upon Rey and this New Order.

[simkaswriting]

Dating Them Would Include...

A bunch of ‘Dating them would include...’ for Han Solo, Luke Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker and Kylo Ren :)))

Han Solo

When he first seen you handle 6 stormtroopers at once, he knew he was destined to crash and burn because damn you’re hot and sassy and everything he wants in a woman. He’d lowkey follow you around all day before ‘unintentionally’ bumping into you at a market and striking up a conversation, because he’s a smooth bastard like that

He got constantly teased by Chewbacca because Han has never been flustered and taken with a girl the way he was with you. But would he tell you? Pshhh, nope. Shameless flirting and insults it is.

You become quick friends through mutual interests and endless sarcasm supply, though it does take you about a year to officially start dating. Han’s a little shy okay

You’re always with him on missions, even if he doesn’t like the thought of you possibly getting hurt, or maybe even dying. But does he have a say in it? Not in the slightest.

Leia and Luke being really confused as to how the two of you can go back and forth exchanging insults, but also being very entertained. Poor Chewie is stuck being the referee. You’re also that one couple nobody would see coming, but when you do get together, it makes sense

Passionate sex in the cockpit of the millennial falcon, he’s shameless and doesn’t care if anyone sees because they wish they were him and he knows he’s the only one who can have you

A lot of hugs, like a LOT because the man has never felt love and everyone in the galaxy knows he deserves the best of the best

You two end up having two kids, both boys and they take after Han with their love for stealing and you with your sarcasm. They’re also Force sensitive, like you.

The two of you have a lot of fights, and Han gets jealous really easily, but the love you share is much more powerful than all of those things and so there’s never really serious arguments

He secretly loves it when you cook for him because just having hot food in his stomach makes him happy, and you happen to be an exceptional cook. He also enjoys the sight of you with your apron on very much

He just loves you so much, he doesn’t say the words often, but you know he does.

Luke Skywalker

Let’s be real, this boy probably has literally no experience with feelings and emotions of the romantic kind, so he’d be confused when he’d feel his heart skip a beat just at the sight of you. Thank god for C-3PO.

He’d be shy at first, so when him and Han(let’s not forget Chewie) rescued you and Leia he was rendered speechless at your beauty 

He’d get jealous of Han a lot, because he felt that the smuggler was everything he wasn’t. Whenever he’d see Han playing with your hair to get a reaction out of you, he’d feel a pang of jealousy and pain. This eventually led him to spontaneously kissing you in front of Han to get him to back away

The two of you support each other with every decision, there’s constant communication so the two of you barely ever fight or have a misunderstanding, plus there is nothing the two of you could possibly fight about. He’s passionate and you’re reasonable, so you complete each other.

You become a badass duo powercouple who fucks shit up(in a good way), him with his lightsaber and you with your blaster. Leia and Han take a close second

He loves kissing you, literally anywhere. Hands, forehead, nose, cheek, lips, hips, thighs...

Really slow and loving sex, he always wants to show you how much he appreciates you and loves you and therefore never rushes anything, even if it is a quickie in the millennial falcon

You have 4 children together, three boys and a girl, all perfect and fearless like their parents. Luke is an incredible father, wanting to give his children what he himself never had, a fathers love. They’re all Force sensitive too, so he takes great pride in teaching them the ways

You’re his light and weakness, and for the brief second he considered joining the Dark Side, the thoughts of you brought him back from the brink. He loves you deeply and would never want to disappoint you or hurt you in any way, shape or form

In Vader’s last moments, he gave Luke his blessing, deeming you more than good for his son. Now that’s an achievement 

Obi-Wan Kenobi

He’s conflicted™ about his feelings towards you, a fellow Jedi Master, because since the Jedi code forbids attachments, he doesn’t know exactly what he’s in for. But he quickly finds out, because next thing you know he looses his cool and has you pressed up against the wall in a heated makeout session.

Obi-Wan is extremely smart, more so than other Jedi, so he quickly realises the dangers of you two being together and tries to distance himself from you. 

2 hours later he’s knocking on your door with an apologetic smile and your favourite takeout 

The two of you talk to Qui-Gon’s ghost a lot, and Obi-Wan couldn’t be happier that his old Master loves his girlfriend and deems her fit for him

He’s surprisingly dominant in bed, he uses the force to keep you pinned down or to keep the door closed when Anakin has no respect for your privacy(which is all the time)

He does want children at some point, but the two of you aren’t ready to bring little Kenobi’s into the world just yet. The council, the war, Anakin turning Dark Side and all...

Often you’d spend your nights curled up on the sofa reading together, of course people just thought you were good friends. Yoda did not, he knew, but he’s chill with it because since the two of you started dating your performance has drastically improved

He loves to hold your hand, and since he can only do it in the private space of your own house, there’s seldom a moment when his fingers aren’t intertwined with yours, or he isnt touching you in any way

Anakin is like your unofficial adopted child, you’ve taught him alongside Obi-Wan since he was a little boy, so his annoying ways have grown on you

Sex with Obi-Wan can go either of two ways. It can be gentle, loving and caring where he takes his time worshipping your body and making sure no part of you is left unsatisfied. Then there’s the other side of the Jedi who fucks you hard and rough against your kitchen counter at 4 in the morning after a failed mission, leaving you shaking and littered with love bites

After the Empire takes over, the two of you run into hiding together, finally settling down and having the family you’d always dreamt about when you were still Jedi

Anakin Skywalker

He’s a cocky little bastard 99.9% of the time, but when he first seen you his mind couldn’t think of a smartass comment to woe you with. He just stood next to Obi-Wan, jaw slack and eyes wide. Who knew a queen could be so beautiful?

As it was his duty to protect you, he’d spend all of his time with you, and the two of you got to know each other very well. He’s not as whiny as you originally thought

He’s never been one to follow the rules, so he doesn’t care too much when the two of you develop a relationship. 

He loves kissing you whenever he can, he’s extremely affectionate and doesn’t care

He loves watching you braid your hair in different, complex styles all the time, or just twirl it around your finger when you’re bored.

You’re the only one who can calm his temper tantrums down, and literally everyone is grateful for that

The two of you don’t have any children, because Anakin doesn’t feel totally ready for the commitment, but you often talk of the day when you do start up a family. He really wants a daughter so he can spoil her

Sex with his is adventurous, boy does he like to try anything at least once. He’s also a huge fan of hickeys, so expect your body to be littered with them when he’s done with you

Anakin loves to cuddle you, and he also loves to be the small spoon and he’s not ashamed of that. For him, knowing that you’re there and not leaving him is enough to make him feel like everything will be okay 

He doesn’t turn dark side, as he doesn’t have a reason to. Yes, he’s rebellious and full of emotions, but you’re there to help him when tough times roll around

Your relationship is very playful, always pranking each other, pranking Obi-Wan, running around like little kids and causing mischief. Anakin loves you with his entire heart and just knowing you’re waiting at home when he returns from his training keeps him going

Kylo Ren

This man is the literal definition of fear and authority, so of course you were petrified when you got told you’d be his apprentice. But when he took his mask of to introduce himself, something that’s extremely rare, you couldn’t help but go weak at the knees.

It takes him a while to admit that yes, he has taken a liking to you. He’d ask Snoke to send him on missions as much as possible so he wouldn’t have to train you, because he just didn’t know how to deal with his sudden influx of emotions towards you

Kylo finally snapped when he seen Hux flirting with you, and the overwhelming fear and anger at the thought of loosing you consumed him. Hux ended up with a broken nose and you with a boyfriend.

He’d let you use his lightsaber and fuck about because it made you happy, but he always kept his eyes on you to make sure you didn’t get hurt.

Eveyobody would be afraid of the two of you, Kylo because he’s got the reputation of a ruthless leader, and you because once you decapitated 12 stormtroopers without so much as flinching or breaking a sweat.

He takes on your bad habits, and you take on his

He lets you into his life, he tells you everything that you could possibly want to know. At first he didn’t want to, but then he realised that you weren’t leaving him and he could trust you.

Sex with Kylo is the most amazing thing in the world, because somehow the man knows what the fuck he’s doing, to the point he may have turned you into a nymphomaniac. He’s a perfect mix between rough and dominating and slow and passionate. Back scratches and hair-pulling are his major turn-ons

Kylo loves you, and at first he was afraid of saying it out loud, instead he just projected the words into you mind through the Force. But he eventually got the courage to tell you. He loves you the most in the world and without you, he doesn’t see the point in life.

He’s afraid of having kids, because of the neglect Han and Leia put him through. He’s afraid he’d unintentionally do the same to his own kids. But surprise, you get pregnant after 4 years of being together. He turns out to be an incredible father to your son

His favourite activities with you include: cuddling, hand-on-hand combat, fucking, showering and intimidating others.

[cienie-isengardu]

Some thoughts about TLJ

I rewatched The Last Jedi, and finally - after getting enough sleep - I’m ready to rant about some things. Spoilers ahead!

In general, I can’t complain about characters itself - actors did really great job, and visual side of movie was pretty awesome. Yet, story wise, there are some things that bothers me badly. In no particular order:

♞ I dislike the whole drama with vice admiral Holdo. Was there even any reason why she couldn’t tell Poe and crew about her plan beside creating an unnecessary conflict? Like, anything beside that?

Because I think that telling people under her command that there is a plan to save them & Rebellion, would benefit everyone. Or, why the hell she didn’t told the plan when Poe tried to overthrow her?? It doesn’t make much sense to me, and it feel so forced, just for the drama’s sake and I hate such moments. Especially since Holdo already made a comment about Poe, how hothead and dangerous he was. So, why not tell anything if not to raise the morale of people on the verge of hopelessness, then at least to make sure that Poe will not take actions that may jeopardize their chance??

Also: if she already decided to sacrifice herself by staying behind on the ship (why there must stay someone at all? couldn’t they programmed the ship or leave a droid in charge??), why it takes so many people to die for her to take any action to save her comrades? She could jump into enemy ship right away, or put the ship between running Rebels and enemy fire, and save so more people. It just, well, irritated me.

( Also, I’m kinda shallow here, but why the hell a fucking officer wear a dress instead of uniform, especially during warfare?? I may forgive general Leia, because well, this is princess Leia, but man, that dress kind of bothered me.)

Okay, so Holdo maybe wanted show Poe his place, but it sill doesn’t make much sense why he was denied simple knowledge that there is a plan that may save them all. It’s no wonder why Poe acted against her. Also, I kind of disagree with blaming Poe for the action against super-powered enemy ship. If Resistance didn’t destroy that ship at the beginning of movie, its canon could probably destroy or at least weaken the shields of their ship much faster, given the chance.

Now I kind of wonder, how the movie would go, if instead of Poe, Finn and Rose conspiracy, they actually were allowed to take some action to stop / distract  the enemy. I wouldn’t mind to see more team work between them. Or actually some infiltration of First Order by Finn and Rose.

♞  I dislike idea that Kylo is now the Supreme Leader, because that makes little sense. I mean, yeah, he was apprentice of Snoke, but why First Order would care to follow him? If the movie ended with some blowing mind victory thanks to Kylo’s command, sure why not. But there is so little about Kylo and his position or relationship with members of FO, that I don’t see why they would accept Snoke’s death like nothing happened. To be fair, I would prefer if Kylo  persuaded Hux to lie that Snoke is alive and all right, while working together to keep First Order in one piece.  I know they aren’t the biggest fan of each other (though it’s shame we saw so little of their interaction after TFA), but I guess A) not so many people were allowed to see Snoke and B) Supreme Leader’s death (and by hand of some girl from nowhere) wouldn’t have a positive impact on soldiers' morale and soon the fight for power would tore First Order for good. Divided FO wouldn’t last for long, and Hux seems like enough pragmatic person to seize the opportunity to take power for himself. It’s better to rule than being ruled by some asshole that can hurt and humilated you in front of everyone at whim.

Also, it could be fun to see both Kylo and Hux lying to everyone and comming with weirder and weider stuff to say knowing full well the other can’t deny that  otherwise the truth would destroy them all. Because why Hux wouldn’t agree to actually command his troopers the way he wants instead of being humilitated publicly? And to be fair, if Kylo was smart, it would be better to operate from shadows, while letting Hux to deal with political stuff. If only they were capable of working together. I mean, I don’t even need them to like each other, but some kind of Vader-Tarkin interaction would be nice.

To be fair, I would like to know more about Hux - as much as it was funny to see space fascist get pushed into wall or knocked into ground via Force the first time, it makes me wonder how often Hux was a target for Snoke’s anger? How often he was humiliated (and hurt) publicly? Is he glad that Snoke died or if he is so used to be treated like that, it doesn’t bother him anymore? I wonder about it, because as much as movies alone don’t give us much details about his past, he didn’t have much choice to be anyone than imperial /part of FO from what I’m remember from EU, since he was born in very pro-Empire family. I guess it’s easy to dismiss, since Hux is part of the evil regime (and enjoy it??), but in a sense he isn’t that different from Finn (a stolen baby forced to grew up as soldier for FO) or Kylo (a strong in the Force child with special blood line that became target for Snoke). I mean, in the end, the character’s choices are what matters the most, and some, like Finn, had a courage and opportunity to decide about their own life, but some were stuck for too long between forces too powerful to escape. Hux is part of evil regime, sure, but still I don’t enjoy how he became a punching bag for Snoke or Kylo.

(Also, how so pro-Imperial people like members of FO actually accepted Alien as their Supreme Leader??)

♞ And about Skywalker family... I’m not really that much surprised about Luke’s sudden lack of faith in the second chance. Jacen Solo, anyone??? Yeah. What got me really, is that Leia now thinks that too. What is sad, because she felt her son during battle and I assume she knew, he didn’t pull the trigger to kill her when he had a chance. Same with killing Snoke to save Rey. There is still some sparks of Light in him, but yeah, let’s ignore this.

Frankly, I’m so angry that once again there is a child that get trapped in the fight of Light and Dark and the adults, instead of stopping Snoke, blame Ben Solo for his Fall. I know, Kylo isn’t without fault, sure but I mean, Leia admitted in TFA that Snoke influenced / tempted her son since he was a kid (via mind-link or something like that, maybe??). Unless I mixed informations, that’s why she wanted Luke to teach Ben. I’m not sure how Snoke get so close to young Solo, especially since he was with Luke and other padawans, but this is so Jedi thing to fuck up. Why don’t find a way to stop Snoke, instead of blaming a struggling kid because there is darkness in him? Blaming to the point of thinking about killing him in sleep. So, Luke just saw something in Ben that scared him, but did young Solo already killed someone, planned a mass murder? I mean, Luke saw a Light in Darth Vader, full pledged Sith Lord who for two decades committed so many awful crimes and yet gave up so easily with his young nephew, so what the hell he saw in young Solo?  What was so bad about the boy/ teenager? Does Leia even knew that her beloved brother almost killed her son because he decided the boy was too dangerous? That is... fucked up. Jedi-level fucked up. And then Luke, like so wise and great master Yoda, decided the best solution is to hide himself and wait in peace to die. Just... good Force, I’m so glad that Leia is more like Anakin (and Padme) - always ready to fight, to take action instead of sulking somewhere far away from war. To take responsibility, when the legendary Jedi hide and sulk. Bless you, Leia.

♞ Frankly, I would prefer if Force-connection between Kylo and Rey didn’t became so tangible. I like the idea of them learning stuff about each other, but I’m not sure if I like the way it was presented in movie. And some memories from their past would be nice too, I guess.

♞ As much as I like Finn and Rose working together, I was kind of meh at the whole saving what we love thing. What partially comes from my general dislike for likely to happens romantic storylines, but also a fear the characters (especially females) will be pitted against each other in the next movie :(

Then again, I wouldn’t mind to see more about Finn’s situation in Resistance. We know he seen as hero - stormtrooper of First Order who run away, saved Poe (a trusted man of general Organa), helped to destroy enemy weapon - but  at the same time, does he really think about himself as one of them? Especially before the final battle? Or how similar and different is/will be his life from the one in First Order. Or how does he feel about his former comrades / other stormtroopers? Sure, Phasma and Hux pretty much hate him (and vice versa?), but I, for one, would like to see if Finn’s betrayal has any effect on other stormtroopers - children kidnapped and shaped by abuse / dehumanization into soldiers for regime that doesn’t care much for their life. The Resistence is the spark of rebellion, right? Wouldn’t be it nice if Finn somehow inspired people like him to fight back the regime for their own freedom?

♞ Still disappointed there weren’t Anakin/Vader!Ghost scene. I wouldn’t mind if he knocked some sense into characters. Starting with Luke.

♞ OKAY, to not make the rant only about negative feelings, I’m really glad that both Resistence (the good side) and FO (the bad side) is much more diverse than original trilogy. I’m also glad there is more female characters on screen, that they have a bigger roles than in previous movies. I hope their importance will not be erased with time. And some team work between female characters would be pretty nice too.

♞ Side note:  Was Yoda so happy to burn the Books of Jedi because these were about Balance and didn’t support his idea of Light as the only right and natural Side of Force? Okay, just my personal joke I made up with my close friend XD

♞ Side note [2]: I’m the only one that think Rey theme sound a bit like Beauty and Beast main theme??? The bells(?) sounds at least?

[yourfandomfreak]

The Last Jedi

(this will be all over the fucking place, so get ready)

this was one of the best Star Wars, nay one of the best movies, ever fucking made

Luke being the stereotypical grump, to truly confronting the past, absolutely slaying the fight with Ben while projecting his existence from the island, and finally, finding peace as he says goodbye to his sister, and apologizing to his nephew and ultimately fading into the suns set as another Force Ghost, was honestly one of the more perfect ways for Luke Skywalker to go out

also, I was pleasantly surprised to see Force Ghost Yoda, and see him and Luke talk. I really think this franchise is going in a Grey Jedi direction and i couldn’t be more happy with that. (now next movie I really want Force Ghosts Anakin and Luke to absolutely HOUND Ben.)

I don’t care if Snoke created the damn Force Bond; I am happy it was there, and I want it to be reformed by Rey and Ben in the future, but this time on their own. to me, they kinda implied it was still there, meaning that it’s not a bad thing. that connection they have is meant for good, and they are meant to create something new together.

but what we did get of that bond was amazing, and so well put together. so visceral and honest and real, and I love it.

Finn and Rose made such a wonderful pair, both of them smart and resourceful, and also true heroes who save each other and help save the galaxy. who face their demons (Finn and Phasma’s fight was also epic), and hopefully at the end of all this, like Rose said, protect what they love

Holdo and Poe were both right, in a sense. He is capable of leading, but so is she. both good people, willing to sacrifice. and that’s exactly what she did.

Poe and Rey finally met, which is cool. we’ll get to see Poe, Finn, and Rey all interact together instead of just Finn and Poe, or just Finn and Rey

I have to say, it was a neat way of tying all the ends together with how our characters converged in the end.

General Leia Organa has lost so fucking much. she had to say goodbye to her brother and her dear friend, and then now believes her son is lost (I understand her not wanting to be disappointed again). But she was wonderful this movie, trying so hard to keep going, to keep fighting. And having hope. And also using the Force, and connecting with her twin. both those scenes with her and Luke were beautiful and amazing, and I’m grateful they were in there not only for the characters and the story, but for Mark and Carrie to have had this interaction onscreen for the last time.

I fully believe Kylo Ren/Ben’s redemption will be hard won, but worth it. when he saved Rey and killed Snoke, the whole damn audience cheered (with me being the loudest). Rey and Kylo taking on the guards was one awesome fight

this subverted the trope of the villain turning it all around in one fell swoop and completely changing into a hero. While Ben did save Rey, and they kicked baddie ass together, and he basically pleaded with her to come with him, it would’ve been too easy.

now, Kylo Ren has no one to control or manipulate him. and all he fought against or was manipulated by is gone. (Snoke, Luke, Han, and by extension Leia too because this was Carrie’s last movie, so we will only hear about her in episode nine). I know he still fights the Resistance, he said he would destroy Rey, but he’s saying that out of hurt that she rejected him. Because I fully believe that when he discovered Rey, he realized he wasn’t alone. he had/has compassion for her. (I want more backstory on how Ben grew up and how Snoke started manipulating him. because we only got the end, and i want to more clearly see how the manipulation and Ben’s own choices got mixed up, because it’s not that simple

and I find it so curious that Kylo and now Luke have told Rey that she needs a teacher.

this movie could’ve been placed at the end of the trilogy. instead it’s at the middle, which leaves basically uncharted territory in Star Wars. I hope that Ben and Rey and the Resistance can all create something new together.

I think they will.

cheers to Rian and everyone involved in this movie.