#Am so into people's reactions i love them. As long as theyre not negative then yeah too bad

[mrfoox]

Team: accidentally flirts with people and give them the wrong idea/get myself into spicy situations I wasn't prepared for

[sodrippy]

one of these days i need the full story of your dnd mishap

😭😭😭 please

the short story is our party had three people (2 players + DM) who thought we were playing a fun friendly magical campaign and two people who wanted to recreate a critical role campaign amongst themselves...i think if youre familiar w cr you might immediately see the issue there.

long story is people put WAY way too much personal shit into their characters and almost immediately started taking the actions of characters as genuine irl slights and like. two sessions in had already lost sight of the difference between the pc and the player.

oh shit this got really long im sorry i dont think you care This much but i havent thought about it in a while and it bewilders me every time-

SO i was playing a cunty rogue and had TOLD everyone 'hey she is probably gonna clash w the party at first, but she'll warm up to everyone really fast, so dont worry about that' like it was clearly in the spirit of building a realistic character who had her own hangups etc. which i assumed the others would understand bc they'd done the same. plus is it not boring and unreal asf if a bunch of strangers meet after a murder of someone close to them and all just get along immediately w no suspicions or secrecy? cmon man.

and yet. the two cr-people got really weird about my pirate character stealing (???) and sincerely pulled the dm aside to express their concerns about the 'level of violence being enacted' and asked that we all try to be aware of what class of people we did crimes against. like. they wanted me to stop stealing from the 99% and ask everyone if they were rich before i picked their pocket ig. ALL THE WHILE. ONE OF THE OFFENDING PCS WAS IN THE MAFIA?????? LIKE. DIRECTLY EMBEDDED IN THE MAFIA THAT RAN THE TOWN.

i suppose that pc was off the hook bc he did possess the elf cock that the other guy wanted so bad, so. love won. i guess.

anyway they ended up taking hours out of our sessions to just dialogue-rp about slowly falling in love in a complex way or something. except then the non-elf player was like 'actually, dm, can you give me a love interest npc i need to add more depth to my character.' or smth, to which our dm lovingly crafted a beautiful working class hero of a guy. which the pc proceeded to hard reject. what was the point of any of this? we may never know<3

need to be clear as well this was all happening over discord bc we all live in different timezones, my very close friend was up at 2AM for this bullshit every week. AND he didnt even KNOW these other people very well, but suddenly theyre finding fault w not just his character but him as a PERSON? i just rmrd they accused him of like.....negatively influencing me??? like. MORALLY???? brother we have been friends for 10 years you are nothing to us you dont know us like that lol.

but they did REALLY really hate my character, which eventually made me feel like shit all the time bc like. obviously im putting work into her, its a creative construction and to have it railed against that badly is not fun. so i said ok you know what, ill just make a new character, hopefully thatll keep the peace and we can salvage this.

so i pitch a new character and oh they LOVE her. they fucking love her concept. which was so.........the first character was a lot easier for me to play bc she was a little more like me, and this character was specifically the opposite....how am i meant to take that reaction, yknow

which also reminds me: the original pirate rogue i played was a tiefling (yeah yeah gay stereotype i know. im not subtle or original, whatever) and there was a complaint (made only half-jokingly, ykwim) that she was too white.

shes not even HUMAN what the fuck do you mean shes too WHITE. IM not white that should imbue any character i create w an inherent not-whiteness. but even still, again, she is half sea creature. shes not. human. to be assigned a race like that....hello??

anyway so these two cr-rp players eventually blocked me and my friend on tumblr without saying anything, and got confused when we found out and said 'yeah ok we dont wanna play dnd with some guy who has blocked us on other social media' as if WE were the weirdos. like they saw no problem w continuing this disastrous campaign as long as they got their mandatory monologue time.

the worst part is my dm made SUCH a stunning campaign and world and it was so so so fun outside of this mess, i still feel really bad they never got to realise the world fully. plus my character had a sickass backstory thing where she was like. slowly unlocking latent magic the longer she spent underwater bc her demon parent was abyssal and stuff. which is whatever but the sick part is she was developing SCALES and maybe GILLS. in like a nasty gorey way it was gonna be so cool. but noooo lets talk about strange morality and your lameass god for 1.5 hrs. at 11pm on a friday.

[pink-elefantz]

silly rant<3

hey so what is the cutoff between whats considered masking and whats considered lying i am asking this as a liar lol. like i find it interesting as fuck genuinely where is the line meant to be drawn. i do believe a lot of autistic people who mask and cant discern this line end up overcorrecting severely and developing what's called a personality disorder and like there are studies around this diagnosis massively being a thing that people get when theyve gone their whole lives unsupported for autism/adhd because sometimes the response to that is i need to do absolutely anything to be perceived as a human being and i dont know what it is about me thats so inhuman so ill just become an entirely different person for everyone i meet i guess. because u get to a point where u realise that social cues are not a static thing and that every allistic person actually has their own seperate set of rules for how to act and they all act like that is inherently the way ur meant to act but fucking somehow simultaneously all of them know how to abide by each others social rules even though theyre all different, and u go fucking insane and then come to the conclusion that the only way to be able to speak the same language as these people is to completely lose ur identity to whoever u are talking to in the moment. and then the more u hang out with anyone the more you lose of yourself and u do it so hard and for so long that you end up not being able to shut it off for people who genuinely dont care how u act and u cant actually tell when youre lying anymore and you dont even know if you lied about being sick in the first place and just made urself this way and when u try to get help for this all of the resources are like "this is an evil manipulative thing that evil people do" and its like. so first of all people who are traumatized into defaulting to manipulative behaviours are not evil people and they dont deserve to be demonized but also i never lied to make anyone do anything for me i lied to protect myself from being treated like a monster how could i ever possibly explain myelf how do u undo a damage like that without making someone come to the conclusion that u were using them. it is such an intricate process untangling all the little strands of lies with someone u know and is it even possible to do it fully without making the person feel like u were only friends with them to make them adore u or get them to give u things. like i swear to god no lie i have ever told anyone about myself was for any ulterior motive i dont even like being around people. i just didnt want to be a freak anymore. and then being a freak was cool so i was a freak but not a REAL FREAK i still was just some other person my entire fucking life has just been observing peoples interactions and going oh that got a positive reaction ill try that. and then i try it and its like oh no one liked that. what were the variables. i need to know the variables but i can never repeat this experiment again because i cant actually deal with getting another negative reaction my heart cant take it when they look at me like that when they realise im a fake person just pretending to be human why did it work with that other person and not me what the fuck did i do wrong. and u cant exactly go and tell this to ur therapist who smokes freuds cock for breakfast because u will just get "liar" put on ur file and lose even more of ur autonomy and make it even less likely for people to believe u when u report psychiatric abuse. anyway peace and love on planet earht the camera zooms out to a blue sky and polka dot house and i am waving at u from below with my dog goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!bye!!!!

[tsatsuma69]

EUROVISON SEMI FINALS PT.1

welcome to my heaviliy biased reaction/review :)

its a long one

CROATIA 7/10:

these old men dance funky and fuck nasty

its tacky. its camp. its eurovison

mama ;)

love mr missile man

!STRIP!STRIP!STRIP!STRIP!

vocals could have been stronger + old men could have been more naked

7/10

FINLAND 10/10:

Finland slays as always

VERY cunty

FINLAND WINS LITTLE MISS HEAVY QUEER TECHNO RAVE

love the lil crab dance

wonderful human centipede reference

i know who im voting for in the final

!!!!CHA!CHA!CHA!CHA!CHA!CHA!CHA!!!!

now this is eurovison

10/10 !!CUNT!!

GERMANY 9/10:

GAY GLITTERY VIOLENCE SO SLAY

they rlly got a latex vampire and fucking balls to the wall went for it

scream for me bbgorl

capitol fashion vibes

very eurovison

9/10

ITALY 3/10:

the first of the ballads

very eurovison /neg

(trampolies had me giggling)

glitter doesnt = slay. get better.

he did put his whole pussy into that

it wasnt enough tho

3/10 sure was a ballad bb

NORWAY 7/10:

it's giving Anne boylen????

odd take but slay

solid banger

a whistle note doesnt get u a win bb

eurovison approved :)

7/10

SERBIA 6/10:

go, twink! go!

serbia bringing the drama, slay

hewwo? game owver ;)

i see ur vison. its euro.

I liked his little giggle at the end

6/10

MALTA 4/10:

busting out some sexy sax

are those cardboard cut outs???

bitch dress fancier this is eurovison

!! road trip with the boys !!

theyre having fun in ikea

DID HE JUST DAB

4/10

LATVIA 2/10:

immidaitly funky

ew nevermind

okay wait…?

ew no

mid.

this is eurovison bring the pizazz or go home

2/10

PORTUGAL 8/10:

OH ITS GIVING !! SOMETHING!!! HELLO !!!!

portugal bringing the drama

red <3

could have gone harder. still slayed

7/10

IRELAND 2/10:

please dont be a ballad

fuck. okay. thank god.

stop making eye contact, twink

nice flares its giving knock off glitter elvis

drummer is having fun :)

i didnt like it

2/10

SWITZERLAND 1/10:

ew ballad :(

famously neutral country singing about not wanting to be being a soldier and war casulties

okay…. of all the countries… bbgorl

fun lil outfits.doesnt save u

unfortunatly i think eurovison wil eat this shit up

1/10

FRANCE 6/10:

NEVERMIND france brought the drama

oh the GLAMORE oh the DRAMA oh the EUROVISON

that sure is a Dress

!!SHOULDER PAD ALERT!!

mmmm its good but falls a little flat 4 me

wait where did her dress go

6/10

ISRAEL 4/10:

immidiate DRAMA

ourple :)

unicorn. we're sticking with that…. okay.

guys i think we wanna see her dance

4/10

MOLDOVA 6/10:

u were so good last year dont let me down

okay pop off king

hehe eyeball

love the drums and the headpieces :)

!! HELLO FUNKY FLUTE MAN !!

a bop

6/10

SWEDEN 5/10:

i want her to scratch my back with those nails

……im getting abba vibes???? sounds a little bit like the winner takes it all at the beginning

sweden, sweden, sweden smh

OH the drama of a hydrollic press

cracking vocals crickey well done

5/10

AZERBAIJAN 2/10:

pippin and merri made it to eurovision and theyre indi twinks now

its.okay.

was….that….it….?

2/10

CZECHIA 5/10:

oh this is fun

pink <3

swing em babes

uncanny clone doll vibes /pos

they know their audience (its me and i love barbie)

feminism :)

5/10

NETHERLANDS 2/10:

i just know ur gonna let me down

lo and behold i was right

another fucking ballad

STOP MAKING EYE CONTACT

ew straight people at eurovison

nevermind i think theyre lesbains

but that wont save them

god uses she/her pronouns :)

2/10 forgettable

ballad count: 3

best: Finland

worst: Switzerland

who made it thru:

Croatia :P

Moldova

Switzerland >:(

Findland !!!! :D

Czechia <3

Israel

Portugal :)

Sweden

Serbia (go!twink!go!)

Norway

final thoughts:

GERMANY WAS ROBBED!!! ROBBED !!!!!!!!!!!

i am being so normal about this <3

[mattelektras]

ur morrison comment made me curious

i hate them too, like sm sm, but what would u call their trademarks?? i havent read much bc i just get a hives reaction to their stuff and put it down very fast lmao

how long you got

side note i did not realise grant morrison uses they/them so. they were originally misgendered throughout this but i think i’ve corrected it all now

cannot write in a straight line. we have to go the scenic route to get through any story, to get to any point which i think is just. grant morrison liking the sound of their own voice

final crisis for example. omega beams kill you in the present.... send you into the past... something about turning batman into a bomb..... i dont have the qualifications for this

writes women like theyve been personally wronged by every single woman ever. emma's promiscuous and makes scott cheat. jean is a jealous girlfriend, they're both catty and shallow. over scott summers of all people. i love him i do but i am not causing a fight over that man

and talia..... talia who they must hate most of all. retconned her into being a rapist who uses a child to get to bruce. it was all about sex and manipulation and she couldnt possibly have actually loved the guy and the kid she has with him. they are almost SOLELY responsible for the devolution in talia’s character and everything that’s happened with her since

wrote jason todd as some kind of emo anarchist kinda guy which was just shallow he was annoying as fuck. he was just. batman with guns. there was no point to any of it. all of batman incorporated has always been a disaster

wrote superman in all star superman, and imo, in general, the worst thing you can do when writing a superman book is to make him all powerful and god like etc and thats EXACTLY what morrison did. which took away the likeability and relatability from one of the most likeable and relatable characters there is

when they write batman, they take all the negative things about bruce and smother the good things to death with them. he's cruel instead of disciplined, he doesnt trust anyone instead of just having a very close circle, hes a lot more violent and is straight up the worst parent out there. he's just an all powerful, never loses, egomaniac w no redeeming qualities. its very frank miller imo. very much the im the goddamn batman brand

they write wonder woman earth one which... given everything ive said about how they write women... really ISNT a book for them to have any business writing. hippolyta stole sperm from hercules to impregnate herself w diana which is. maybe not rape literally but INCREDIBLY uncomfortable to read and definitely a violation of the sexual nature?? imo??? i dont know how to explain it. the amazons are much more of a dictatorship and a lot of the first vol is like. an orgy but we're calling it feminism?? its a very outdated take on what they think feminism is

a lot of people who do like grant morrison think that theyre very intelligent because everyone else just doesnt UNDERSTAND the points theyre trying to make because theyre just on another level and they have so many nfts and SO much bitcoin that we couldnt possibly understand

[sarahxalice]

Character Introduction - Meww Hatsune

--Edits/Updates-- --Edited 8/30/21-- Organized body type information into a list rather than a paragraph.

Hello first post here, maybe I’ll try and setup a format or whatever, but I’ll just go with the flow for now. This very first post will be of my Main and very first OC, Meww Hatsune.

--Origin and Inspirations-- Her origins are quite fuzzy a bit as she is by far my oldest character. She originated as either a character concept to either represent myself online and in games, or as a DND character. She was most definitely used as both and for an extremely long time. Of course character development happens over time and isn’t all at once, it’s just a question of when a solid basis was made for her.

Her name is a bit easier to talk about, while my memory is terrible I can at least probably pull a few references I came across that inspired it. One of the main sources of inspiration was Nyu from the anime Elfen Lied. Unfortunately am currently failing to recall other name inspirations, I can recall having around 3 and yet am missing the others. If I can I will edit this post to update this part, if not I will just make a new post later on adding on information.

As far as inspirations for appearance, characters like Lucy and Nyu from Elfen Lied, Zoey from Tokyo Mew Mew and Yuno Gasai from Mirai Nikki. Main inspiration from these characters is her pink hair and eyes. Skin tone and clothing preferences are based on myself and my own preferences.

Inspirations for her personality while partly coming from characters like Yuno Gasai, a majority of it is just something I was taught about when making characters for the first time for a DND campaign. Which was basically to take a personality trait from yourself and just exaggerate it. And essentially it would be close enough to yourself so it would be easy to roleplay while also not being a complete self-insert.

--Appearance-- As for her appearance, she is shown in my tumblr profile image on the left. Going into more detail I will break it up between her physical appearance and her fashion choices.

-Body Type: -Race: Human (Most Commonly), Half-Demon, Demon -Ethnicity: American (Most commonly) -Sex/Gender: Cis Female -Romantic/Sexual Interests: ♥ Girls ♥ Girls ♥ Girls ♥ (Self-claimed “Super Gay”) -Height: ~5ft 2in -Weight: ~100-110lbs -Physique: Lean musculature (Very fit and active) -Skin Tone: Pale White -Hair: Short, soft, messy/wild Pink hair (Varies between pale pink[255,170,255], neon pink[255,0,255], dark reddish pink[120,0,70] and dark pink[180,50,180]). Eyebrows are neat and moderately thin, usually matching the color of her hair. -Eyes: Tend to be sharp and intimidating. Color usually a bright, near glowing, neon pink. -Age: Typically a young teen to adult, roughly in the range of 16 to 21. -Other: Teeth vary between normal human teeth, adding a fang(s), or razor teeth similar to Soul Eater from the anime Soul Eater.

-Clothing Fashion: For fashion, she typically wears a zip up hoodie, cargo pants, combat boots, and a plain black t-shirt. For some extra details she likes chains, belts, buckles and zippers. Most prominently everything she wears is black, if there is any additional color to her outfit it would be pink as a trim highlight or supplementary color (typically a bright or pale pink). Jewelry isn’t very interesting to Meww, however she sometimes has earrings and is more recently depicted with a ring on her left ring finger and will almost always have it from here on.

--Personality-- She is a rash energetic girl. Hyperactive and proactive, likes to do everything herself. Willing to help anyone she gets along with, willing to take on projects or jobs from others as she likes to just do things herself especially when it comes to fighting. Of course things vary based on the kind of world she is in, in a more fantasy setting she’s typically a fighter/adventurer while in a more “realistic” or modern world, she’s really into athletic fields (commonly things like kendo and track), though combat isn’t out of the question, again depending on the world setting. She has the mindset of a rebel and likes to do things her own way rather than taking orders from another person, though not completely disobedient to anyone, and is not entirely against working with others. She just has a tendancy to lead or go alone on things. She is headstrong, confident, positive, a hard worker, supportive, loving, caring, fierce, aggressive and reckless. Of course she is not without her negative qualities too, some of which have been already named such as reckless and her confidence can be overbearing to outright unreasonable and annoying, and at times even worse. While she is a caring and loving person, she can also be really cruel, uncaring, cold and even sometimes sadistic and heinous. Of course interactions depend highly on the person or situation theyre involved with. As for some more negative qualities, she is very apprehensive and more likely to act negatively towards males than she is females. This as such also affects her romantic interest in people as well, making her solidly a lesbian and having no interest in guys in the least. She’s even hesitant to make friends with the opposite gender and acts very standoff-ish with them (this dislike of males can even be seen with other species such as animals as well). As for females she really loves girls, she loves how they’re all so pretty, beautiful, kind and finds them all amazing. Which kind of skews her views on right and wrong with it. She is way more forgiving to a female who does questionable things and is willing to forgive them or make excuses for their actions. Whereas males she almost is ready to condecend them and look down on them as if they are a bad person before even knowing anything of them. As far as children go she is conflicted on them. She tends to dislike children as well, but can also show kindness and caring towards them. As far as the world around her, she absolutely loves nature and flora. She enjoys fauna too, but not nearly as much, and as far as certain types of fauna, she actually dislikes for example, reptiles and insects. For time of day she loves the night and when its darker out, enjoying gloomy weather as well, such as rain and overcast. She has a neutral feeling towards storms, not particularly enjoying lightning or thunder, but is not disturbed by it. She loves nature to the point of even happy to sleep outside, usually in high places such as in a tree or on a roof. She absolutely loves the snow and snowy regions thus making her favorite season by a landslide, winter.

--Other Information-- Here is where I will put other information that I didn’t feel belonging to any of the previous groups of information, and nor do I believe I could write a whole section on it by itself.

-Relatives: Miku Hatsune (Mother; Yes, the Vocaloid), Teto Kasane (Mother; Yes, the Utauloid), Sylvia Hatsune (Wife), Miku Hatsune (Daughter; Named after her grandmother), Chloe Hatsune (Daughter)

-Allies: Sarah Alice (Close Friend; Soul Twin)

-Likes: Girls, Love, Fighting, Adventuring, Witchcraft, Tea, Cats, Sky, Puns, Sarcasm

-Dislikes: Guys, Not doing anything/Waiting

Fighting Style/Powers: She highly enjoyed close-ranged combat, primarily using her bare hands for hand-to-hand combat, a scythe, a spear, or a one-handed sword with an empty off-hand (rapiers are a particular favorite type of swords she prefers). As far as ranged combat goes, she enjoys and prefers bows, pistols and sniper rifles. As far as magic she uses it slightly more often than ranged weaponry. Prefering the elements of Dark and Ice, while next most commonly used would be fire. Other kinds of magic she has been depicted with is the ability to manipulate blood (while not inspired from, but was rienforced with/from Mirai Kuriyama from Beyond the Boundary) and telekinesis. She thrives on and is extremely fast, being usually one of the fastest people in her world. This also gives her a fairly strong reaction time as well.She sometimes is depicted as fairly strong physically as well, though not usually too far off from average in the world she is in. As far as style, she enjoys and tends to go along with more flair and aesthetic choices in her fighting, sometimes at the cost of efficiency. For strategy she tends to forsake it, while she is fairly intelligent and has the capability to be quite strategic, she tends to more commonly rely on raw emotion and instinct instead resulting in a more feral and sometimes beastial fighting style. As she can be reckless, she is highly aggressive and does not tend to protect herself, sometimes even getting hurt unnecissarily. As she really loves the sky she often dreams of flying, so she usually finds some  way to do so.

Possible Quotes: -”I love you.” -”Fight me!” -”Oh no~ how awful.” -“But why?” -”Meow.”

[fatphrodite]

you’re not an advice blog or anything but i just like the vibe you give off so maybe you’ll understand my problem? i’m a fat girl who feels like i’m not “correctly” fat, you know? like, my face is fat and my hands are chubby and our bodies are similar but you’re just a million times more beautiful than i am. do you ever feel that way, or do you know what i mean? my body just naturally IS this way and i don’t know how to feel better about it.

I wish I could respond to asks like this with something obvious and concise that could fit on a bumper sticker, but I feel compelled to touch on the weird messy tangled super tangential psychology which results in these kind of feelings, maybe in an attempt to help people who feel this way also get to the root causes and deconstruct them. I want to be thorough and wholly understood, and candid about my own experience! but i’ll spare mobile users by putting everything under a cut.

i rarely feel the sensation of seeing someone who looks like me, thinking theyre beautiful, while thinking i am not, anymore, and that has a lot to do with rewiring my brain over the years. instead i see someone who looks like me and I think theyre hot then my brain’s response is “if (theyreHot) {me=Hot;}" BEEP BOOP

I do still sometimes feel “incorrectly” fat because...…. im covered in old stretchmarks, my boobs sag, my belly sags, even my arms sag, im riddled with cellulite, my face is chubby and I have a double chin. the feeling of being “incorrectly” fat is absolutely the result of a definite beauty standard even in spaces that have an alternative ideal to our overall society’s beauty standard. we’ve all been poisoned aight, standards are being reinforced everywhere, like even the actual chunky/fat plus size models, who aren't just straight-sized models with padding, don't have double chins. even though youd be hard pressed to find an average person their size without one. popular plus sized Instagram models have the “acceptable” amount of cellulite, do NOT have fat faces, tend to be the “acceptable” hour glass shape naturally and/or get liposuction to be “idealized plus size” in the body and in the face. so how do you accept your body when youre unconsciously consuming constant reinforcement that it has “flaws” and have consumed that reinforcement for decades?

I think the answer is going to vary from person to person, and for me it varies even moment to moment. There are moments where the only way to cease those thoughts is remembering that this vessel DOES NOT EXIST for visual consumption, it DOES EXIST for piloting me thru Disney world + experiencing the tastiest of foods, and as long as I can do that, nothing else matters. which is you know, objectively true,  but I also do very much have a strong desire to FEEL pretty, to FEEL acceptable, to FIT IN THE BEAUTY STANDARD, because of so many years of being punched down and made to feel inherently ugly/unacceptable. It’s hard to feel pretty and accepted not only because mainstream society sees your body as inherently ugly, but also you simultaneously feel like youre not even ideal in the realm where youre “supposed” to be ideal (such as fat admiration communities). 

So these are the things which continue to help me accept myself, my perceived “flaws”, and feel good about myself -- 

 : focusing on surrounding myself with imagery of beautiful fat people who share the traits that fall outside of the existing plus size beauty standard. I intentionally avoid reblogging too many irl plus sized people with thin faces, super perky rounded fat, smooth hourglass shapes, minimal cellulite, flat tummies, because I don't want to reinforce those toxic ideals for my followers OR my own subconscious. as a side note, I also enjoy makeup and makeup videos and I gravitate towards makeup youtubers with rounder faces and plus sized bodies, like smokey glow and rawbeautykristi, like damn i can be glamorous with a beat face AND have a double chin! it also helps that theyre both entertaining AF to watch and listen to.  

 : involving myself in an FA/fat positive community. whether that's posting pictures of myself or dating or otherwise engaging with people in the community. as ive said before you should not hinge self esteem on other peoples opinions of you, but when you believe you as a whole or some trait you have is inherently ugly or unacceptable, having verifiable proof to the contrary, in the form of other peoples opinions, can aid in rewiring your brain to think more positively about yourself. I personally can assure everytime *I* see a double chin or chubby hands (among several other specific traits) it makes my heart flutter because of the cuteness. no matter what shape, fat distribution, whatever your vessel exists in, there are hundreds and thousands of people who will genuinely, wholeheartedly remind you how lovely it is, and many more out there who look like you who want to be able to see themselves represented as a figure of beauty (if that at all makes sense). Parts of me that were once difficult to accept or I used to overly-criticize have become either things that no longer even cross my mind or things that are specifically viewed as attractive/positive traits because of community involvement. and on that note, straight up I would never date like, a normie, and by that I mean someone who doesn't love fat bodies. special, positive, loving attention towards the parts you've been conditioned to think are wrong or conditioned to be ashamed of, is healing. I could not be with someone who liked/was attracted to me despite my body.

 : therapy. this solution may not apply to you at ALL or you may not realize that it applies to you. it depends on the degree to which you struggle with self image. you might not even know you have something like body dysmorphic disorder (which will cause things like hyperfocus on perceived traits) or you might not realize youre committing self harm (mentally bullying yourself, scrolling through Instagram/social media to torture yourself, starving yourself/overexercise, obsessive mirror checking and self-criticizing, among other behavior). the things ive already said can also aid you in stopping these types of self harm (personal experience: unfollowing/blocking any social media that i used to torture myself, fat positive/FA communities helped me to stop exercising myself to death, wg/eating kinks helped with eating disorders) and i know there are quite a few other people who have healed from doing similar things. 

something specific id like to note about my experience with therapy and the concept of self acceptance. a piece of advice given out by a LOT of fat bloggers to aid self confidence is “fake it til you make it” right. and that's also like, a version of a real thing I learned in real therapy. shutting out negative thoughts and replacing them with a contrary, positive mantra until your brain rewires, until you believe it. its a tool you can use in accepting the parts you struggle to accept, and beyond the neutral implication of that, glorifying them. the human brain has an interesting reaction to repetition. the more you repeat something the more you believe it. whether that's something negative or something positive. its a lesson to keep in mind even if therapy isn't something you want or need. 

[heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet]

When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th 

Mood/anxiety = numb. 

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick. 

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO. 

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done. 

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep. 

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator. 

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship. 

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same. 

---Emotionally it hurts the same. 

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way. 

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they  could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me  buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am. 

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation. 

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate. 

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally. 

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety -  still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested. 

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way. 

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean. 

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board. 

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum. 

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far. 

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine. 

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict. 

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed. 

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings. 

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days. 

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely. 

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness". 

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room. 

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod. 

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am. 

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes. 

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok. 

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change 

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house. 

We are having a picnic social distancing style. 

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around.  But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is 

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction) 

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives. 

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball  gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant. 

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past. 

[xuune]

some thoughts on s7

this ended up me kind of rambling about my thoughts and feelings on s7 that are all over the place, so please bear with me if these thoughts don’t seem too well organized or anything: 

now, before i even actually saw the season, i was just snooping around here on tumblr to see what ppl’s reactions were, and i kind of let it get to the better of me. some people were just over dramatizing what was happening in s7, and their negativity on the season made me believe that i would wholeheartedly dislike the season. i saw all the posts with people going on about how if youre still watching the show, you should immediately drop it (and it was mainly centered around few central complaints going around right now, pretty sure you can figure that out on your own on what that was). it was understandable on where the frustration was stemming from. i only got 3 hours of sleep because of what people were saying despite not even seeing the season for myself and seeing how events would ultimately play out. but like they would always say, you shouldn’t let other people’s judgement affect you, and it really shouldn’t be the determining factor on how you view things or how your opinions are formed. 

when i watched the season, my general reaction to it was that its “ok”, i didn’t think it was entirely and absolutely terrible. i already know how a lot of us didn’t like the way a few characters got treated. i mainly thought that the animation looked nicer and improved in some of the action scenes. the writing was kind of “meh” for me when it came to whatever certain plot points that got introduced or continued. watching it on my own actually removed any thoughts of me disliking/hating the season entirely. 

even though i say this, the things i mention here are mainly about some issues that kept being brought up by people and circled around ever since s7 got released. 

in terms of character development? besides what we’ve been given for hunk, which has been awesome so far (i dont really feel like i have much to go in depth with for this, its already self explanatory in the season itself), i guess its going somewhere. i’ve got some hope, but it’s not on the level where its overwhelmingly high and optimistic. everyone’s been talking about the lack of actual lance development, how he’s constantly being reduced to being the “dumb” one, but we actually see him take initiative when needed. lance has been shown to stepping up and taking his role into account when handed the opportunity to do so, and it was multiple times when lance was given the re-established position of keith’s right-hand man. despite whatever remarks keith made on lance, whether or not they were supposed to come off as teasing/joking for the audience, keith does still seem to believe in lance’s capabilities. if he didn’t, keith wouldn’t have trusted lance the task on leading their team on their mission(s). lance actually got scenes where he could shine off as being portrayed more than what he’s constantly being insulted as. there are still some scenes of them showing mutual trust and respect for each other, especially with lance voting for keith during “the feud” and the reasoning he gave. but yeah, some parts it did seem like keith was kind of ooc in certain episodes when comparing his personality back to s3. who knows why keith gave the reasoning he did when he voted for lance. EDIT: acoolemocucumber’s post makes a good note on pointing out how during the voting section, keith is actually the first one to start writing. it’s later revealed that he chose lance on first pick. lance was the second to finish. even though he was peeking over at hunk and pidge to see who they chose, he instead decides to choose keith. keith choosing lance as a first choice without pure hesitance is amazing to see, and it really shows he trusts and respects lance a lot despite the reasoning he gave. then again, actions speak louder than words and countless times keith has shown to be that kind of guy by relaying a lot of important tasks to lance throughout this season. 

i’ll do say that i enjoyed most of the scenes they shared when they had to take a leading initiative with each other though. that was pretty nice to see again, and it felt like a decade since i ever saw that kind of dynamic from those two. 

there were a lot of action packed scenes, and i watched through those entirely to see if there’s any important plot detail to know, or make note of, while watching the ep to make sure i wouldnt be lost with whats happening so far. some people found it boring, some people found the fight scenes amazing and stunning. certain scenes had me really amazed on how well it was animated, some other scenes not so much in terms of repetition, and thats kind of bound to happen if we’re provided an arc where its continuing to keep the tense vibes on the recurring events with the current situation of the season. 

this is just merely my take on it, (my memory’s not the best with how much information im recalling from those 13 episodes) but it kind of felt lackluster with how the paladins barely got any kind of break where they could seriously spend one episode on unwinding, having in-depth conversations one on one, and not be so worried about the galra all the time. sure, there’s a few scenes like that in a few episodes, but it didn’t seem enough to make it feel like it balanced out whatever conflicts or character issues were newly or constantly introduced. 

ive read posts already about how some people had liked the season a lot, loved the actions scenes and all. but to me, some conflicts that took place seemed out of place or just didn’t really align well (idk how else to phrase it) especially with adam’s death, and i had minor mixed feelings about ep “the journey within”. 

about adam, it just seemed out of place and rushed for them to introduce shiro’s s/o only for them to take him away. we don’t get to see how fleshed out adam could’ve been, and i’ve already seen the frustration/rage people had with adam being killed off when considering how the creators told the viewers that they were gonna get to see adam, but weren’t told how long we’ll see him (plus the entire thing abt lgbt rep that was promised?). the thing with adam left me on a weird note, mainly because if you were just given no other info besides the info from the season, you wouldn’t even be given too explicit information about the relationship shiro had with adam. from there, it felt like there was no point in adding adam into the story if the viewers aren’t given clear information on what kind of bond shiro and adam had besides adam saying that they’ve been through a lot together (or whatever he said, idr it too much) and the “how important am i to you” line for lgbt rep points. its just pretty vague “””representation””” thats just leaving the audience to make the most out of what they’re given. we’re only given confirmation that they used to be fiancés from what they said in panels/interviews, but never in the show. im not sure what to really think about that, my mind’s just kind of in the void when i think about it. but this part i structured kind of badly and i apologize for that, but hopefully those of you can get what im saying. 

as for “the journey within”, it was reasonable for the way characters acted; theyre all tired, frustrated, and losing hope and were floating in space waiting for nothing but at least something to happen. keith snaps, gets irritated at everyone, lance is also the one to lash back out at keith saying keith ran away, giving the audience a big sign that lance was hurt by keith’s disappearance/leave from the team. but for keith to quickly later on go take everything back in just a few minutes seemed really awkward for me. its a kids show and all, but i just kind of didn’t like how that one section of that episode was written ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just a feeling i had with it. however, i did love how hunk took a lot of the initiative during the episode, it’s showing his growth of actually him continuing to fully accept his role as a paladin and determined to not back down regardless of his own cowardice that could prevent him from doing so at any time.  

and there’s the thing about k/acx: ive already seen a bunch of people going somewhere along the lines of disbelief, anger, frustration on how keith is getting het endgame but when i saw the episodes, his interactions with acxa didn’t even seem borderline romantic to me at all? to me, i merely saw 2 characters actually getting on better terms with each other and returning the favor. the two no longer see each other as enemies but allies now. keith only went back to save acxa because it seemed like he believed that he felt in debt to acxa for trying to save his team. ezor and zethrid merely poked fun at acxa, but if you consider previous seasons where acxa and keith interacted, the two just continued to return the favor of owing whatever debt they had for each other. it didn’t seem like there was any romantic tension intended in any of the scenes where they interacted. we already know acxa betrayed ezor and zethrid by switching sides, and if you were betrayed you’re bound to make at least a  remark on whoever betrayed you either way. in this case, ezor and zethrid found it reasonable to make a comment on acxa’s alliance with keith, hence how they teased acxa possibly crushing on keith (whether or not thats actually confirmed, its just left ambiguous and up for interpretation at that point). there’s the parallel with how they animated the shot between keith and acxa talking to each other, but neither did that one seem romantic to me? i hope im not the only one who thought that? the other scene people talked about was when acxa is in the same scene where keith was present when he visits his dad’s grave with krolia. i dont get why some people were upset about that either. even though its at the last ep of s7, there’s nothing to imply that keith invited acxa to go visit his dad’s grave with him or anything if you consider their placement in the scene. if keith did care about acxa’s presence being there when he visited the grave, wouldn’t he at least acknowledge acxa’s presence by showing obvious attention to her, or have her close to where him and krolia were? she remains distant but respectful of keith in the scene. i dont see where these scenes would imply keith automatically finds a romantic interest in acxa. acxa to keith? maybe, we don’t entirely know. keith to acxa? i dont see it being implied anywhere at all. not to mention keith’s “can’t we just fight” statement right after ezor and zethrid teased acxa about having a romantic interest in keith. again, its just my take on what’s being presented and my own thoughts on how people are viewing it. 

and with a/l, it leaves me on a bad note with how its progressing if its really getting the sealed deal endgame. like most people have been saying, it would be good for them to be endgame if they were only written better. am i entirely convinced theyre endgame? not really because there’s that small chance where vld pulls a 180 and the show creators stay true to their words on lance not being a rebound, lance being someone’s first choice, lance getting what he needs, not what he wants. what’s being given/presented so far is just bad writing with how allura suddenly reciprocates feelings for lance out of nowhere despite showing consistent disinterest in lance’s advances in previous seasons. s4 and onward we see her seeing lance more than just an annoying flirt, and the two become better friends who could genuinely talk to each other without having allura annoyed with lance’s flirtatious antics, and without lance being reduced to a constant flirt. during allura’s interest in lotor, we’re yet again presented how allura doesn’t return feelings for lance, especially during the scene when the mice told her about lance’s feelings for her back in s6. she seems rather disappointed, pitiful, or uncomfortable with knowing how lance genuinely liked her when she liked lotor during that time. later on, allura’s been out of her previous love interest with lotor, and hasn’t shown returned much of the same interest in lance. sure, she hugged lance and he returned the hug, but that only seemed necessary in the moment for when allura had felt betrayed by someone she wholeheartedly trusted and fell in love with. she needed comfort from someone and the person she spoke to was lance who was able to lend her some comforting words. but that was about it. i’d like to say that considering that this is a kids show, it does give a bad incentive for children to develop on believing that if they continue to force their feelings onto someone else, the person they’re interested in will eventually like them back out of the blue, which is the worst course of action to take despite being rejected countless times (and its kind of being shown with what a/l has right now). to take this kind of scenario and to fix/put it with good writing would to just properly depict lance accepting rejection and allura staying true to her previous feelings on not reciprocating his feelings. in a general sense, we all know that we can’t always get what we want, and that’s an important moral that always gets taught over and over again even if youre a child or an adult. rejection and acceptance of the rejection is something that can be taught here through the romantic subplot they’ve been having. just deciding that they should become endgame out of nowhere would leave the writing very dull. having allura get out of her previous love interest with lotor only to quickly move onto lance just doesn’t leave off on a good note. it just reduces lance to a rebound and that’s about it. 

the writing for me wasn’t really that breathtaking, overwhelming, or emotional or anything when it came to new plot points being presented (you know, all the fight scenes, galaxy garrison, that stuff). again, a lot of things seemed pretty rushed, i had mixed feelings for some but not all episodes. it was nice to see mostly everyone united back with their families and characters developing new motives for what they believe in doing. yet, the writing kind of just wasn’t on the level of where it actually gets me really interested and invested into the storyline like how it had back in s1 to early s3. i’ll still mention how the writing did it’s part in presenting development for hunk, though. i enjoyed that a lot.  

some parts of the writing were questionable, some parts of the season were enjoyable, but it wasn’t entirely overwhelmingly disappointing for me. the season was on the bare minimum on having the writing go “decent”, but again it felt pretty “meh” and this is just my own feelings on it. people have their own opinions, frustrations, concerns, questions, some people loved it, some people severely hated it or just felt extremely disappointed. 

the season has its peaks and lows, some pros and cons, but whatever you take from it is what you believe. 

i’ll still keep watching the show to see how it ends, that’s for sure. 

[minblush]

I hope you dont mind me asking but what is right wing? Is it like the conservative side

japanese right wing ideology is kinda specific and has been on the rise, it’s tied with radical nationalism and japan’s imperialistic history, which is a topic very sensitive to koreans because they suffered greatly because of japan (the issue of comfort women) etc, current japanese right wing ideology is re-writing history and trying to suppress the knowledge of atrocities japan has committed in favor of blind patriotism (monuments for imperial war criminals, propagation of the rising sun flag which is to east asian countries equivalent to the swastika, removing mentions of war crimes from history books), that’s why korean fans are mad and hurt, and others are also worried about it impacting the image of bangtan in korea

Anonymous said:apparently japanese fans are also really mad so this was undoubtedly the dumbest decision ever bang pd can fucking choke

i haven’t seen as many reactions from them so i can’t comment on that fully, but stupid decision it really was.. can’t get out of my head that bang pd literally said he admires the world view of that man.. what the fuck

Anonymous said:If bts has the amount of artistic freedom and get to make the choices like they say they do there are seven members surely they can stand up and say hey I won’t work with this producer…. I know we don’t know 100% how it all works and what is going on but if they can’t do that then a. They don’t have the freedom they say they do or b. They don’t have the integrity or awareness/right stance on social issues like they make out they do…

you are exactly right

Anonymous said:But not going to lie yoongis work is nice

yes i agree

Anonymous said:Do u think bts need to gives some sort of feedback or something on how toxic the fandom has become?? Do u think its necessary for an artist to respond? Just want to hear your opinion about it. (And i know its not ideal for artist to do that, they basically saying to some of the fans that theyre wrong etc etc, and it will definitely hurt their ego) sooo despite that do u think they actually need to?

do they need to? obviously not because they can keep going just fine without it, should they? would it help? yes, i believe so. i don’t think artists are responsible for what their fans do, but if something you could say would make a difference for the better, then why not? majority of fans adore bts like gods and blindly believe everything they say, were they to speak up it might influence a very good portion of them

Anonymous said:I agree with your post so much I literally love bts to bits but also like,,, I don’t know how to say it you said it better than me but specially with the ‘saying things about any real substance’ not to get too deep but I’ve suffered with bipolar and ADHD my life was absolute shit when I was 18 years old and songs like sea are really genius impactful, I love them and they help me but they’re never the FACE of their album which is disappointing since we hold them up to THAT standard

yes exactly, i’ve had songs that were very meaningful to me as well, but they are getting further and further away from these songs being the focus and instead we keep getting issues like this and i’m just so tired

Anonymous said:I’m so sorry but being an old crusty ass man and defending obvious sexual abuse and harassment because it gets his sick dick hard is the most vile thing I’ve ever seen. I love bts but If they keep this dude on the album I am not touching that shit it can flop hopefully for all I care lmao

same… like really it’s more important to bang pd to get the media buzz than having any integrity.. ugh

w0n-rabbit said:Hi there!! I hope yoi dont mind me bothering but I have been following youre bolg for quite some time now and I have always valued your opinion on all the issues happening because well I like the way you voice them out and your honesty is 😶 quite charming. On a different note, I find it extremely hard to support BTS right now. I mean was a huge fan at first but became less and less of one solely because of the fandom and now this. Sorry to bombard you like this 😶

hi you’re not bothering me at all! thank you for sharing your thoughts as well and for thinking nice things about me (dakjsd i disagree but i appreciate it ofc

Anonymous said:Hey so I’ve been reading your replies and it kinda opened my eyes a bit but I was just wondering on where you stand? Like are you still a fan of bts or you just don’t agree with bighit?

i don’t know anymore honestly, i’ve been continuously disappointed and hurt by things surrounding them for a long time now and the negatives have been outweighing the positives.. i still am fond of the boys and the their group dynamic and the song that meant to me a lot before still do now.. it’s just hard? how can i call myself a fan when this all is what they stand for now? when the company’s priorities are so skewed and painful? so i don’t know, i am still fond of them as people though

[tumblunni]

Rambling about my new watchholder oc Mallory

* absolute gremlin child. Eats dirt. Probably more of a monster than most of the yokai.

* at the same time tho, she is like super sunshine friend! She looks kinda gloomy ominous but her personality is actually super bubbly and her biggest priority in life is making new yokai friends and loving them forever. Like, creepy in a wholesome way? She does indeed love horror movies and creepy crawlies and could probably fistfight god, but that doesnt mean she's evil!

* kinda always bored but also easily exciteable? One of her biggest recurring jokes is just ignoring the normal or sane solution to a thing and doing something more fun even if its more difficult or dangerous. Actually i guess its more "fearless" than bored? Or bored of fear, lol. Fearless and doesnt really give a shit about any rules. But again not in a mean way, she doesnt break rules because she wants to piss people off, just like "im not gonna believe this if nobody bothers explaining why its supposed to be so important". But not exactly phrased like that cos that would be rude, lol. So uhh more like just relateable autism feel of not grasping social cues but mixed with a personality thats quite outgoing and uncaring of being judged poorly for not being normal, as opposed to me who's always worried about what people think.

* oh wait thats the word for it!! Free-spirited! Trickster! Like a peter pan type of trickster tho, more than loki. Like just "i am naturally outside the obligations of normalcy" rather than "i am intentionally trying to prank/illusion/manipulate people cos its funny". Or uhh i guess "manic pixie dream girl" but without all the stupid shit that trope has got associated with.

* pretty much just wish fullfillment of "what if i was confident enough to not care what people think and just act like myself no matter what"

* anyway in summary she likes to climb trees n stuff and her reaction to yokai being real is "yay" and her reaction to seeing an undefeatable giant kaiju is to run at it and try and suplex it with her bare hands. She's kind of a badass! Tho lol also her biggest character flaw is her badassness, cos she can be reckless due to the lack of fear. But then also sometimes when everyone is hopeless she really does manage to save the day no matter what, and help inspire everyone else to be brave too!

* though i'm thinking of maybe a character arc where she starts off seeing this as just a fun adventure with no stakes, and it doesnt matter if you take risks cos nobody's gonna get hurt anyway. Like a "this isnt really real, its just my hero's story" sort of thing? When things start getting more dark and she faces things she cant just defeat with simple optimism, it kinda stops being fun anymore. And she has to realize that even if she doesnt care about her own self preservation there's consequences that could happen to her friends and family. And maybe she's already made mistakes that she can't take back, and now she's neck deep in a conflict thats a lot bigger and more insurmountable than she thought. You can't just fistfight something like the abstract concept of hatred for humanity which will continue to be perpetuated as long as the idea keeps taking root. And maybe even yokai you befriended could start to believe it too, after all you've kinda been treating them as just fun toys and sidekicks on a story that's all about you, and dragging them into danger with your recklessness. Even though you're fighting the villains, are you really doing it because you actually care about saving the day? Do you even know what you're saving it from...?

* and similar to her unflappable victoryness being shaken, i think her fearlessness and confidence could also be deeper than they look on the surface. I feel like maybe as the story goes on it could be revealed that its less being fearless and more just not caring about her own safety. You start to see her get more actual consequences from her fights, and it starts to become sort of concerning that she keeps brushing it off as no big deal. Laughing it off. Wondering why her friends are even sad that she got hurt. And maybe she isnt really happy all the time and 100% secure in who she is, she just tries to hide any signs of doubt because she feels like nobody would care. And that she has to always be the funny class clown or else nobody would want to be her friend. And like.. She doesnt even really believe that she's great, believe that she's fine as she is. She's more aware of her weirdness than she lets on. She's constantly, paralyzingly aware that everyone thinks she's a freak. She did use to try and change herself to fit in, but she kept failing at it and it never helped her get any friends. Or when she did think she made a friend they'd turn on her whenever she slipped up and showed a crack in her mask of the perfect normal person. The perfect normal person they wanted her to be.. Constantly changing into WHATEVER anyone wanted her to be. The only reason she doesnt do that anymore is that she lost all hope in it working, not that she actually gained confidence in her true self. And even when she's npt conciously doing it she's still subconciously trying to be what people want her to be. She has to always be funny, always be fearless, she has to cling to the few parts of her weirdness that people dont seem to hate. And now she has to be the hero. She has to carry all the dreams of everyone she's met along the way, while never letting them know when she's scared she wont be able to help make them come true. She's always just laughing it off and never being fully open with any of her friends, because she's scared they'll hate her. ..

* so uhh.. Yeah. Personal experience of that. Personal experience of trying to fit into negative stereotypes of autism because thats what everyone saw me as no matter how hard i tried, and also it was the only form of autism theyd treat positively, somehow. Like just be the "funny one" and dont challenge any of their assumptions ans they'll leave you in relative peace. Put up with some degree of degredation to avoid the even worse version. And i was doing all of this at a very youbg age before i even knew i was autistic or what autism was, but i could still feel how people treated me differently and how i had to friggin agree with it or else they'd never let it go. Gahhh.. It was all way too complicated and dark for a kid to understand!

* so yeah anyway her story arc is going from being a badass funny to being a funny badass? Like she just becomes more genuinely tough and cool when she's not always winning and the stakes dont seem so low and comical AND most importantly you know her real feelings and see that she will indeed continue fighting even when she's scared. And she doesnt try so hard to be cool all the time so it just lets her be more genuine. And form actual relationships with everyone with genuine feelings. So its less "she is badass because its funny" and more "she is a badass because she's a badass". But she's still funny, just in more varied ways than simply "the only reason she won this fight so fast is because jokes". Fighting legit threatening enemies in fights that arent over in five seconds. So they can contain... SEVERAL joke..!!! And also some actual fighting for once!!

* hhh i dunno i am very tired im probably not explaining this well

* oh and i think possibly she has a bit of a complex of feeling she's nothing without her yokai watch? Like the yokai are her first friends who never abandoned her. And she always felt like she was useless and it was her own fault that she didnt have any friends. She first started off being all irreverent and goofy when she got the yokai watch cos she was well into her "i dont care anymore" phase of depression and felt certain these new friends would all realise she was awful eventually and leave, so like.. Why get attatched? Just have fun while it lasts. So maybe actually she shows early signs of her depression by trying harder to be normal whenever anyone shows her friendship. Maybe something where she starts straigjtening her hair or dressing more feminine and then you just see this look on her face like her heart has shattered when someone agrees that she does look better now. (Maybe a new yokai she recently caught who was like super cool and she wanted to impress them?) And she gets compulsively obsessed with it, exaggerating it to a ridiculous degree and starting to change other parts of her appearance and everyone goes from giggling about this weird circumstance to getting REALLY DAMN CONCERNED! And in the end something something the yokai who was an asshole abput her needing to be more feminine slips up and shows his true assy colours to the other yokai and theyre like IT WAS YOU and he's like "what? You should be thanking me for fixing your shitty trainer!" And Then Everyone Beats Him Up Forever. Etc etc moral that real friends accept you for who you are and anyone who tells you you have to change to impress them is not worth impressing. Also maybe some aspect where the yokai dude thinks that mallory is trying to impress him cos she has a crush on him, and thats the moment that manages to snap her out of her depressive funk. Self hate overrided by sheer EWW NO IM A LESBIAN, DUDE i just liked ur cool hat, geez. (Wait was that entire plot idea just an excuse to find a way to foreshadow her getting a crush on hailey in yw3...?)

* and maybe i dunno some sort of dramatic episode where she loses the ability to use the yokai watch and is faced with her self worth issues all at once and its super fuckin sad and we all know eventually she will get to see all her yokai friends again cos the plots not gonna end before finishing all the games but still MEGA SUPER SAD MOMENT ANYWAY (also tearful reunions!)

* also i just heard theres a yokai called furgus thats a big adorable hairball that gives people big hair. So maybe that could be one of the comically easy victory episodes? He uses his power on mallory but her hair is already too fluffy to be floofed! Maybe it backfires and turns his own hair into a boring bowl cut, lol? And then maybe a sequel where he returns for revenge a million episodes later but it just so happens to be during the maddiman boss fight and he accidentally cures his balding. "Noooo dont thank me nooooo" *is forced against his will to become a popular advertosing mascot for hair cream* *like straight up just gets sucked into the nearest bottle and sealed like a genie* *cursed forever to fame and fortune and a million dollar salary*

* lol i dont think im as funny as the actual yokai watch writers but i have a few ideas at least. This will be fun to draw!

[cielospeaks]

apparently its almost req rerun time for eng go so

thoughts on it kinda.

-tbh i do really like that it gives marie negative qualities, and shows/elaborates on them more than before. prior to req i always thought “marie is so sweet i get that she was ignorant of people’s suffering but shes so kind to everyone and funny and down to earth i think shes redeemed herself and she just didnt know before” but imo in req it really shows her kinda.. selfishness? lack of empathy? shes kind to a person who essentially validates her/gives her a sexy evil outfit/ect. and even tho that person was cruel to her brother’s friend and her son and killed both of them she kinda overlooks that in favor of “she gave me this cool thing abt myself!” i dont hate marie, in fact i like her more for actually having flaws, and i think it fits her personality that shed have this flaw, but it makes me mad bc it isnt a good design. they just gave you the most generic cliche “evil is sexy” and not even in like a cute/endearing way like n w h or a dramatic memey way like jojo, just a boring, thoughtless way. but yea this was supposed to be what i liked so

-i also like that sal tries to kill the main character. gosh im so sick and tired of every character being all like “ohh person reading this swoons i love you”. characters like izou who dont trust the main character, who threaten to kill you if you abuse them, chefs kiss i love you. and sal wanting to kill the main character is so good. he is literally not having it. murder cat i love you.

-this is just me being an angst fan but in a way i do kinda like the angst it gives. i think i dont have a problem w a plot where sals in trouble, or even suffering. but its more the reaction to it. the story has a fit when rhyme gives up the werewolf card and gets turned into a coin, but doesnt fucking bat an eye at everyone falsely accusing sal and having him executed in game. and its not some funny amongus thing either, its straight up execution. mozart being the werewolf and being a troll is in character, but youd think at least the main characters would acknowledge “hey (free character) thats fucked up what you are doing to sal (and cordy, and whoever else was killed in the lovers. deon maybe?)” but no. theyre not a cute baby child so they dont fucking matter (and rhyme gives up herself, so its not even like evil marie or anyone did anything to her)

-to list everything i hate abt req would be too fucking long. its frustrating bc i should have liked all the characters. a dinosaur, the fucking voyager spacecraft, even like essentially a demigod with ryomas spear. but the dinosaur is “passive sad uwu lady backstory” and took the place of my son. the spacecraft is a shameless apologist and also a literature character for no reason than the person who summoned him liked that book. (like excuse me how does that make sense. sal shows up in a fucking jojo cosplay bc i like jojo? i dont think so). i do like e rice for being an accurate depiction of a teenager, and i dont mean that as in “cringey” or whatever. i mean someone who irredeemably hurts others with selfishness and a lack of control over emotions, and who lashes out at others bc she is suffering, causing them the hurt that she feels. bc thats how people react to suffering, esp ppl who dont know better, and agewise kids just, for the most part, are less experienced with it so they have an excuse (some adults still do that ofc, and some kids have good enough intuition not to, ofc). apparently its become a trend to romanticize teenagers creeping on people/ect. and thats pretty fucked up imo. like if youre gonna romanticize “cringe” do it in a way like this, the reaction/reading aside. show that its a part of growing up, and not knowing consequences isnt a bad thing, but you have to be responsible for them (again why am i reminded that fucking spiderman of all things does this better than literally anything else)

-anyways i am looking forward to a translation of sals scenes (a bad, inaccurate, clunky, hamfisted translation but a translation nonetheless) even tho i will cry during reading it

[anti-dennor]

masterpost on why mod norway hates den//nor a lot without mentioning kin stuff or specific ships that are better

disclaimer: this post isn’t to start an argument, the only reason I’m making it is to organize my thoughts about den//nor because @ adhd wyd. 

This is okay to reblog, but I will ignore any and all reblogs adding on things about how I’m wrong. This is based off a mix of opinion, canon and scientific evidence about attraction, and I really, really, don’t want to argue about den//nor, especially with people who ship it. So really, for the sake of my mental health and your time, don’t bother arguing with my stubborn ass. I’m not going to change my stance on this and there’s nothing you can say to change that.

contents: yaoi / it’d be unhealthy (for both of them) / the actual shippers / dynamic

yaoi.

I’m not saying I dislike gay ships, no. I live for gay ships, I’m a gay male, I love mlm ships. Big comfort material. I dislike yaoi, gay ships are fine and dandy. Yaoi is gross.

Yaoi (”Also called BL (Boy’s Love) and Shounen Ai, yaoi is a genre of manga that fetishizes m/m relationships and relies on homophobic stereotypes for plot and character devices.”), and fujioshis.

“In most yaoi mangas, there is one agressive masculine man who preys upon an usually much younger, submissive feminine man. It strengthens the homophobic myth of gay men being predators and pedophiles.”

Doesn’t that sound a lot how the fandom portrays Denmark and Norway? Denmark is canonically the same height as Norway (Well, Norway is like an inch shorter at most), and the two have about the same body shape. Yet what do y’all fujioshis do? Draw Norway as some femme boy that’s like a foot shorter than Denmark.

“It also relies on heteronormative stereotypes, where there are always strict uke/seme roles in bed, as well as a feminine caring and a masculine powerful dynamic in the relationship outside of the bed.  “

Again, what do y’all do? Make Norway super femme and oh so much smarter than Denmark, making Denmark the unhealthily powerful one -- Bringing me to my next point;

it’d be unhealthy (for both of them).

“They have known each other since childhood, but while Denmark considers the two of them to be like best friends and believes that Norway thinks the same way he does, he is unaware of Norway's blunt teasing.[7] Norway frequently refers to him as anko[12], a term Himaruya has described as having a nuance like older brother or oniichan, the familiar form of big brother, and having a classmate-like feeling.[13]”

“Main article: Norway

Norway is a childhood friend of Denmark's, who he feels rather close to and strongly about, believing that Norway sees him the same way as a "best friend." “

(source: Norways wiki & Denmarks wiki)

Since I’m not sure how to word it; lets take my parents for example; they’d been dating since they were 15 (fifteen) until they were like 23-24. My mom used to go over to his house every. single. day. because she felt more at home there than at her own home. They never argued, they were like a perfect relationship almost. Why they broke up? My mom, and I quote, “saw him more like a brother than a lover.” Which is a completely justified reason to break up! My parents have the same relationship as siblings. Now, if my parents felt like siblings after 8 years of growing up together; imagine the bond that Denmark and Norway have.

They grew up together for thousands of years! Meaning they’d be much, much closer than my parents were. So maybe they could’ve dated at some point in their history, but I can see them doing the same thing my parents did; break up because they felt like siblings/being best friends would be better. Plus, you don’t call your lover “brother”, even if you’re not actually related or don’t mean it as sibling-way especially if you have other, blood-related, siblings.

Why would a relationship be unhealthy for the both of them?

Because if they feel like brothers, then you get the same unhealthy benefits of actual incest from the Westermarck effect, “a hypothetical psychological effect through which people who live in close domestic proximity during the first few years of their lives become desensitized to sexual attraction.” Which, guess what, Denmark and Norway have known each other since childhood, 

Fujioshis turning the shp into yaoi + the westermarck effect; what do we have?

If you put the two into a relationship you’re implying that one of them is unconsciously forcing themselves onto the other. Or just, y’know, people straight up writing something like Danish Slaughter House - a fanfiction where Denmark straight up rapes and kills all the Nordics.

And speaking of Danish Slaughter House, let’s move on to the next point;

the actual shippers.

I don’t even know where to start with this one. I guess I’ll start with shamchat, a great site, I spend a lot of time there - as one of my biggest hobbies in the past few years is roleplaying. I have almost 2 years of experience with writing Norway. The thing is, when I come across Denmarks on the site it almost always, if theyre a Dennor shipper, starts off as something like:

Best friends hanging out -> Denmark asks Norway to do something with him -> Norway is busy -> Denmark gets sad -> Norway tries to make him feel better -> Denmark confesses feelings.

what? and then Norway will tell Denmark that he sees him as a brother or just doesn’t feel the same, and then there’s a long range of reactions I’ve gotten from Denmarks with this, some of the worst including being harassed ooc for not shipping it, being guilted ooc for not shipping it (@ my RSD, someone telling me that they’re crying because I don’t ship something just. x20 as bad as neurotypicals), Denmark trying to force himself onto Norway sexually, and there was actually one where they had Denmark threaten to kill whoever Norway had feelings for.

For fucks sake! Once I was on as FtM!Caught Binding!Norway because I was feeling incredibly dysphoric, and I had a Denmark threaten to out Norway to the other Nordics, while Norway was begging him not to, and when he finally agreed not to  - which took actually making Norway (and me for that matter, since I have really big emotional ties with Norway) cry - he immediately jumps to a confession, which Norway sorta tells him off because what makes anyone think after threatening to out someone as trans they’re gonna accept a uwu love confession uwu uwu, which in turn upset Denmark and the entire rp turns to them - Norway trying to make him feel better, telling him that he’s his brother and always will be, etc. Making the biggest effort to make him feel better, but no instead he runs away to his bedroom, locks himself in his closet and tried to stab himself to death.

Most of these were done while I was on mobile, so unfortunately I don’t have saves to them.

Am I upset that you people portray Denmark horribly? Of course. My point isn’t the portrayals of Denmark here, though. Because the canon portrayal of Denmark is actually pretty fit for Norway, not going to lie, but my point is about how the shippers pull bullshit like this when someone doesn’t like their ship, which again ties into the homophobia of yaoi.

“Many mangas in this genre also have a plot centered around rape (the seme/top rapes the uke/bottom, then the uke realizes he actually loves the seme and allows the relationship to continue), abuse (physical, where the seme will hurt the uke, or emotional, where either part will threaten things as far as suicide if the other part dares to leave them), pedophilia (shota is a subgenre of yaoi in which boys as young as 5-6 will have sexual relationships with middle aged men). “

Most of these I’ve actually had to deal with personally aside from the pedophilia/shota bit, while I’ve never actually done an rp with someone as Shota!Denmark (I skip anyone who thinks shota is ok), I’ve seen them around, along with Shota!Norways.

I’m not going to start with the amount of Denmark’s on shamchat idealizing Norway in every way, shape and form.

dynamic.

Admittedly, Denmark is an almost ideal guy for Norway personality-wise, with how socially inept Norway is (Which Denmark can still be there for him if they’re friends), but for Denmark, Norway isn’t super suitable. The idea that Denmark needs someone to keep him in check is a little, how do I say it, wrong. Denmark is over 2000 years old, he’s smart enough to keep himself in check, while it would be nice for him to have someone to be there to tell him “You’re being too loud” and to give him a little help here and there, best friends can do that, can they not? As for a romantic partner, Denmark would probably be better matched with someone who doesn’t have trouble complimenting people or doing things solely to please him.

Denmark has his self image as a priority, and as shown by the above strips I’ve given, Norway isn’t the best to give him that. Norway is better at subtly doing things for people he cares for, not outright stating and cheering for him - which I did try to find the part of a strip where Denmark was imagining Norway and Iceland cheering for him (Or something like that), I couldn’t find it, but that one in specific emphasizes that a romantic relationship between Denmark and Norway wouldn’t quite work the same way their brothery relationship works.

Everyone teases and gets into arguments with their siblings, (Which Norway does tease & occasionally insult Denmark) and you always know that everything your sibling says to insult you isn’t serious, but even though Denmark “blatantly ignores offensive and aggressive social tones ”, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t pick up on them and he holds himself up too high for it to be a healthy relationship romantically if for either of them if Norway isn’t going to be positive, Norway is kinda negative and Denmark contrasts that greatly, but if Norway can’t give Denmark flattery and self esteem boosts straightforwardly, then Denmark won’t be happy in the relationship, which makes him less positive, making him less ideal for Norway. Whereas if they just stay as brothers, it’s easier for Denmark to just brush off any teasing or criticism Norway might have.

As for romantic relationships for Norway, I did say earlier that Norway needs someone who’s positive, good at social interaction, cheerful, friendly, etc. He also needs someone who easily picks up on the little things he does and isn’t extremely high-maintenance when it comes to needing flattery. Someone that Norway doesn’t have to be straightforward with. While we’re at it, I’ll also mention why someone who isn’t these things wouldn’t work, Norway needs someone positive and good at social interaction because he’s not these things, (He’s said it himself, he is painfully shy around strangers as he resolved to leave upon seeing them; yes I’m ignoring that he did all that speaking right after he said that, this is because I’m going off the it was only there for comedic purposes and doesn’t mean anything), and he needs someone cheery/friendly to contrast himself (I’m not saying he isn't friendly! He is quite that, but isn’t great at expressing it.), since a relationship between two characters who are really apathetic about a lot of things would just end in them thinking theyre apathetic abt each other. Picking up on little things + not needing to be straightforward with is kinda self explanatory after the stuff about Denmark.

Anyways, back on track. Kinda? Conclusion.

I do like the “quiet one & loud one”/”opposites attract”/similar tropes a lot, but when it comes to Denmark and Norway it doesn’t quite work out as well as others might. Especially with fandom misportrayals, it kinda ruins the pairing for me.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

this was a really confusing shitty moment for me in my life, to be honest. 

i feel kind of vindicated but i dont? it’s really hard to seperate some of what he’s saying and maybe its just really hard to accept “it is what it is”. 

i dont feel like he loves me but i have the freedom to “feel like” he loves me while finding someone who does actually. like - no. i mean. i dont know. i dont know. i guess none of it matters. but it does because i now have this person in my life but like do i have this person in my life? to what capacity? am i allowed to have friends i see everyday? what are they to me? 

should i just go to work and come home and ignore all of it. 

i guess the whole thing is to stop questioning it and just let it be what it is but i dont know i dont get it. 

i guess also right now especially for the past 6 months ive been doing nothing. and my friend tried to kind of praise me for all these little accomplishments and it’s so trivial and what shoul i believe you know is my brain chemistry this way did trauma scar how i’d function an i have to work to train it differently? 

i’ve literally not cared at all and kind of depended on him to give me a purpose which is unhealthy but when you put really high stakes like a persons will to live then you kind of feel the need to stick around. 

not that that summarizes why he would have me in his life but it’s an added stresser to being in someones life. 

he’s leaving though. he’s just leaving. i wont be going with him. he said, “well you said you’d follow me and i want you in my life. you can do what you want.” i asked, “how can i possibly follow you? like i’m a seperate entity just following you around. we’ve never explained the logistics of when i’d have any opportunity to be apart of your future” 

to which he replied, “we’ll always be seperate entities. but i don’t want to feel like i’m dragging you with me or being weighed down in a responibility for you.”

i “get it”. i couldn’t explain like - would i travel in the same fucking vehicle as you? or am i just responsible for getting myself place to place? like this is something i would be willing to commit myself to because not a lot of people would want to do someting like this or dedicate themselves to it and i’ve lived an unconventional life by the means of other people and i think it’s fair to be able to choose to live one by the means of myself. 

no matter what, i have to improve myself though. but i guess if i thought i was “leaving” i would take different steps in my self improvement to prepare for a different journey in the long term. 

i spent two years kind of on that precipice. self improvement can happen at all stages in life in many ways and when you can see the journey you’re going to take, you can prepare. 

i know that if i continued to be in his life in any way while trying to better my life, it would be detrimental to the process because once he leaves on his “i dont know what i’m doing with my life journey” i’m probably never going to talk to him again simply out of spite and complete disinterest. like i know i will be so internally hurt that i will choose to just never talk to him again. i would never talk to my oshawa ex again. like if he tried to talk to me and tell me about his life which we already tried to do - i dont care. i literally just dont care. why the fuck do i care getting random ass phone calls or texts from you about your life? you are not like some long term friend. okay to ME i would choose not to be long term friends. 

why? because i never got what i wanted or needed from that person for whatever reason we stopped our initial closeness for so why should i maintain an interest in their life?

if he leaves with no care of how i’d logistically be in his life if i chose to follow him i would not have gotten what i wanted and needed from this relationship.

can i get that or should i just let it go? i guess i’m really at a “should i stay or go now” situation. will staying result in the same thing as the going now result but just taking a longer time to get there? or will i eventually communicate something to him that shows that i want to make an effort. 

i feel stubborn. i feel like i know exactly what to do and how to do it and if i “wanted to” i could probably stop a majority of these really lazy and fruitless wasted efforts of “life” things. like just laying around. i can’t prove that to him without making an effort to actually do that in a significant way but if i move the mountains of my depression to make an effort that still leads to the same outcome because i was never logistically accounted for even as a guest so any effort i made would never lead me to be prepared. 

like what if i just got rid of all my things? gave up the cats? worked my ass off and saved every penny for two months? but i’m just ... left here. then i’d had mde these “life improvements” to no greater gain but like.. momentary satisfaction which leads to just replacing my shit with money i saved and regretting the fate of my cats because i’m super lonely. 

what if i keep the cats, slowly work on getting a little part time job, “go to yoga” - what do i get from his support of me doing this in that moment when it eventually leads to the same result whre i’m left behind and i get phone calls and pictures and messages about what he’s doing and i have to pretend like i care when i was just left behind without any real care but i have a job and i “go to yoga” so my life is “improved” and i guess makes it all the more easier to not give a damn about something thats so obviously unhealthy to begin with. how can i be in his life? 

i guess it’s kind of funny. maybe i was projecting my own feelings on to him and i guess it’s not something we regularly consider to be in my thought capacity but like, does he think i would care about him in this scenario? i don’t give a fuck what my distant ass relatives are doing with their time. that’s like a brief phone call every two years for me. 

i think i was really mentally unprepared to enter this situation tonight. i also think i was thrown for a curveball because i had negative expectations which didn’t play out like i thought it would and in some ways it was kind of positive. but because i was mentally unprepared i reacted in the way i would react in any overwhelming scenario - it’s panic and sobbing. i guess since i have more questions that this could conceivably extend to a second part of hanging out. but like i cant ask can i come along ill do this and this without presenting the proof of even the ability to produce anything on that level. i’m literally just saying believe in me, i can do this. like”give me a shot on the field coach, i’m ready”. i suppose i can ask outright can i come with you because i think the phrasing “ill follow you” is too vague. 

all of this says i still want to be with him and right now in these really overwhelmingly stressful times i have literally no idea why i woul an can’t even recall anything of merit he did that dictates that i should “follow” this man anywhere. 

you know, regardless, i need to “get a job”. there is “nothing wrong with” getting a job. im literally just putting air quotes because i’m upset it “leads to nothing” but really it is a postiive to just get a job even if i dint give a shit about the money. but the i’d also have money. and my life would improve. 

is it unhealthy to talk to him to help make myself more comfortable for a second in person meeting where i can pose such questions? i mean i cant ATLEAST be a sobbing mess. the question is difficult enough to pose. 

is this even a thing i want to do to make myself happy? just essentially follow this person’s whims as they try to rediscover themselves? it’s romantic and adventerous and stupid an crazy and i guess it makes me feel like if i cant conjure this up in myself because i just dont have the passion towards the multitue of experiences in life and wouldn’t seek them out myself then maybe i can follow someone else? 

i do love him, a lot. it’s really hard to cut off communication with him; i want to talk to him. i want to explore my newfound freedom of communication with him. like i feel more comfortable now that i’ve sai what i wanted to say. like i think it was the worst of all i could say. and i am now an embarassing sobbing gross mess so like where can i go from here. 

it’s really hard to just focus on myself. i know how to be alone but i dont know how to love myself. i think im a heavily flawed person both inside and out and i think alot of my behavior does badly effect the people i’m aroun and it can become like a chain reaction where it effects one person and then everyone close to them. but im stuck in a loop - i hate myself too much to “help myself”. to put in the effort i need to do to make my life better. i was not just programmed to hate myself but i began to loathe the behviors i coul see that were programmed by them so the hatred grew stronger. 

that hatred is now the core definition of my character and when i interact with anyone or anything or try to do anything, this character takes over and with blatant disregard fucks my own attempts at doing better. but it’s still me. i still have to reprogram these behaviors that come from such deep hatred of myself. an theyre so large and so deep - i dont care about how i live or how i’m going to eat or feed myself or what quality of food i eat, i dont care about keeping up my own personal hygiene, i dont care about the fact i put up with completely out of the norm situations by living here, i dont care about any prior interests nor do i care about building new ones. i watch endless amount of “informative” programs as if that’s somehow better. like it justifies me spending like.. most of my waking hours doing this. its “educational”. 

i essentally live like a crackhead and i dont even do hard drugs. there is a reason i am here and i could very well have him apart of my life to better fulfill the level of self hatred i have to put myself through something i wouldnt have to experience with someone else. i want to feel like shit. i put salt in the wounds. i poke the bear. i make the wrong moves to get the wrong reactions so i can continue the cycle. 

how can i improve? do i live in the now or do i plan for a “better tomorrow”? i mean - i guess as a human i just have that choice and it’s whatever works for me. maybe i can choose what kind of person i want to be. do i want to be a live in the now person or a better tomorrow one? is living in the now compulsive behavior? is planning making me better prepared or rigid/comfortable in routine? maybe it puts restrictions on the expecations of myself? like i feel especially shit so i plan for low energy things when i had the ability to achieve more? it’s like why do the work when i’ve already planned the “easy way out”. it could take a bit of both but whats the right balance? 

i want to say like i’ll do this and this tomorrow but maybe it’ll lock me in and i wont want to do that but i couldve done something else but instead i’m bummed i dont feel like tackling those tasks today.maybe it’s just a general knowlege of things that could be done in any moments. 

when i was a kid i dropped 50lbs because i was tired of being fat and put myself on a strict but okay diet. like i still got decent nutrition but i was just tired of being fat from overeating and i just ecided to stop and i did. this is one of the crowning moments in my battle against self hatred. now its used once again in my self hatred but on the opposite spectrum.i have a lot of battles to face and some of them ill hve to face multiple times before i beat them. 

it’s really an odd feeling to have to forcefully make myself accept that i’m going to do better than this while kind of begrudging the idea. like i have no false hope that people tend to have when theyre like ‘oh im starting this diet im really excited about it’.i’m not excited about the prospect of facing these battles because my self hatred’s uphill battle (instead of the disgusting collapse of everything you are) of “self love” is filled wit humiliation. could be another battle i have to overcome but i’ve already faced enough humilation for the year. ill still do it but im sad it will become a lingering cloud. 

i guess the one thing i can do in planning for a better tomorrow is to only allow myself so much time to think about the relationship stuff. or lack there of. or maybe its there. i dont know. whatever it was/is we parted ways with a hug and i love you so no matter how much time i take to think about anything, it’s open for me to have a positive experience with him. it’s going to be beneficial in all ways to break the habit of thinking about him or anything “we” could do together. we loved eachother and the overwhelming feeling is that no matter how mch time i spend thinking about it or asking questions its probably not going to work out. sometimes that happens. the sooner i put it ou of my mind, the sooner i can just get over it and move on to the next era of my life with new/different people. i was already doing that in some ways before i stepped into all this. 

i guess i feel weird as well because he offered to pay for a month of yoga classes. i dont think that gives me the drive to go to it. i ca definitely see myself not going just because its cold. i can also see myself hating the people who attend a yoga class and choos to be involved in the community surrounding yoga. it’s not really my type of vibe. but if i turn down that; which coulve been as simple as going to a yoga class, then i should probably produce something on level. but maybe it was a way to get me involved in his positive activity so we could manage positive experiences together. to prove i could come through. 

i am ready to interact with people i’m just not ready to have that sort of interaction. the weirdness of group stretching. i think it’s okay if yoga is a private practice i dont pay for. 

lets not forget i taught myself how to draw and entered a community i knew no one in a few years ago. i had the initiative once before. 

[carinaconnor5]

How to Talk When You Think They’re Lying

There’s are many common myths about people who struggle with substance use disorders. One of the oldest and well known is that all substance users have profound character flaws that results in chronic lying. In fact, if you google “addicts are liars” you find a list of 408,000 articles that discuss this very topic (https://goo.gl/HwWTKf). First, it’s not true that all people who struggle with substance use are liars and second, it is common for anyone, even people who don’t use substances to lie about behaviors they are not proud of! And, when you’re really struggling with a drug or alcohol problem, behaviors you’re not proud of are pretty easy to come by.

Lying is a tool that almost everyone uses at one time or another to try and mitigate negative reactions and emotions in others. It’s a human communication strategy that is as old as time itself. When you know that telling the truth is going to cause the other person to react negatively, it can be tempting to change your story in order to keep things running smoothly and maintain the relationship. We’ve all done it, and we’ve all seen it work.

When you have a substance use problem, odds are someone in your life has negative feelings about what you are doing. They are at the very least confused, and more likely frightened or angry (most likely both!). When people you care about are upset with your behavior, it can feel like all eyes are on you and that’s a lot of pressure, especially when you are engaged in a behavior pattern that you may very well be ambivalent about! Maybe you have told them you want to change (and you actually do want to!) but keep getting faced with situations that you were unprepared for and have old habits kick in. There may be other times where they really want you to change and you just don’t have the same concerns. Regardless of the reason, if you have friends and family watching your behavior closely, there can be a very normal impulse to lie and try to convince everyone there is nothing to look at!

And when you think about the issue of lying you cannot discount the effect of stigma. When you’re really struggling with a behavior problem that is stigmatized, like abusing drugs, there is the added component of shame. The temptation to lie about behaviors you feel ashamed about can be really strong. And, once you’ve lied, it can hard to resist telling more lies in order to maintain the story you’re trying to portray. Because not lying will often put you in direct contact with shaming responses from the outside world. Hence, the cycle continues.

So, if your loved one is struggling (and struggling to tell the truth!), how are you supposed to talk to them and get them to tell you what is actually going on so that you can support them? Or help them want to change their behavior? How should you communicate with someone that you suspect is in a cycle of lying described above? How do you have a conversation when you can’t trust what the other person is saying?

You can begin by thinking through what your goal is for the conversation. What do you want to get out of it? Do you want them to just hear your thoughts and concerns? Are there specific behavior changes that you’d like to see? What are you hoping they will share with you and why? How will having that information help you? Are you hoping to open up a line of communication that will continue over time? Each one of those topics may require different ways of communicating. By figuring out where you want to end up, you can focus on managing your part of the communication, regardless of what the other person is saying. For example, if you heard that your daughter got fired from her job, and she’s saying that she was only late once but they just “have it out for her” (and you don’t believe that she’s being honest with you about her tardiness), it helps to think about what you want to achieve in this conversation. Perhaps your goal is to help her think about what she needs to do to get a new job, or to help her think through strategies for being on time regularly. Neither of those topics require her to “fess up” and be more honest, instead they circumvent the lying and steer the conversation toward topics that can help her do better moving forward. Focusing on the lie can move you away from your end goal of trying to support positive behavior change.

Sometimes however, the lie must be addressed. In these cases, it can be helpful to step back and try to understand the “function” of the lie. Try to hold the idea that the lie (“I’m not using”) is probably not meant to be hurtful, rather it is an unsuccessful attempt to maintain the relationship and avoid the discomfort of a fight or confrontation. See if you can speak to the function of the lie, (e.g., “I imagine it’s hard to be honest when you know I am upset and you are ambivalent about stopping”). It can also be helpful to tell them you will try to manage your response so that a honest conversation can actually happen (“I am going to try and stay calm while we talk so that you can maybe tell me what is going on.”). And most important, try to spell out your overall goal for the conversation (e.g., I want to understand what you are experiencing and try to be helpful if I can be”). And if you do happen to get a response that feel like an honest one, don’t forget to reinforce them for being honest (“thank you so much for sharing that with me, I really appreciate your honesty.”) For more information on validation and empathy, see this section of the 20 Minute Guide.

Besides communicating with words, you can help influence honesty by the actions you take. To do this, you want to think about ways that you can help reinforce honesty, and how to put some consequences in place for lying.

When it comes to reinforcing the behavior you want to support, in this case honesty, it can be as simple as just noticing, or giving verbal praise for any healthy behavioral choices or honesty/openness in conversations. It might not sound like much, but it goes a long way to encouraging another person to keep up that behavior. When you struggling it can feel like you are doing everything wrong, so what’s the point of changing. When someone notices that you made a change and they actually give you credit for it, it can fuel the desire to make more changes.

Putting some consequence in place for lying is a bit more tricky. You want to be clear that you don’t appreciate that they are being dishonest, all the while avoiding being too punitive (which will actually increase their desire to lie). Also, the very nature of lying is that you might not know for sure if they are engaging in a lie in that moment! The solution to this is to be clear about your expectations up front, and how you will handle situations of uncertainty or suspicion of lies.

To do this, it is helpful to start by laying out what they can do to demonstrate that they are being truthful. Is there some way that they can provide evidence to you to back up what they are saying? Or maybe you can establish a regular “check-in” so that you have more data. By establishing what constitutes “truth,” (e.g., a negative drug test, being able to stay within a budget and not need more money) you also establish what will constitute “not-truth” (e.g., a missed drug test, running out of money for suspicious reasons). This also gives you the ability to say how you will handle a “not-truth” situation. Let your loved one know up-front what will happen if that situation arises. For more information, see our section on Consequences in the 20 Minute Guide.

Dealing with dishonesty is a difficulty and trying aspect of behavior change. Taking a pinch of understanding and a dollop of action will help you to feel more in control of how you can help guide your loved one toward more honest interactions.

The post How to Talk When You Think They’re Lying appeared first on The Center for Motivation & Change.

from http://motivationandchange.com/how-to-talk-when-you-think-theyre-lying/

[tune-collective]

A Full Timeline of Iggy Azalea's Beefs, From Azealia Banks to Halsey

A Full Timeline of Iggy Azalea's Beefs, From Azealia Banks to Halsey

Although she hasn’t released an album in three years, Iggy Azalea’s name hasn’t been forgotten. Known for causing controversy — usually having to do with racial appropriation — the Australian rapper has beefed with everyone from Azealia Banks to Snoop Dogg.

We put together a complete history of all of her celebrity feuds from 2011 all the way up to Azalea’s latest beef with Halsey. Check out the timeline below.

September 9, 2011

Days before the release of her debut mixtape Ignorant Art Iggy releases a video for her song “D.R.U.G.S.” In the video she sings over the beat of Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Look Out for Detox’, “When the relay starts, Im a runaway slave… Master, hitting on the past gotta spit it like a pastor.” This is an allusion to the lyric from his song, “When the relay starts, I’m a runaway slave.”

September 13, 2011 

Iggy begins one sided beef with Kreayshawn on Twitter. She later responded and retweeted more negative statements. 

October 9, 2011

Iggy claims that getting booed offstage at Canal Room in New York was the driving force for her career. After the show, she took to Twitter to address the alleged female haters. “It was kinda awkward cause this girl stood in the front row my entire set screaming ‘your pussy suckssss!!!’ ! Lol #whyyoumad.” The video from the show that night tells a different story however or a particularly happy crowd with only one male booing her at the 6:26 mark.

October 19, 2011 

In a tweet that was later deleted Azealia Banks wrote, “how sexy is iggy azalea?? it’s kind of ridiculous … *tugs collar to let out steam*.” Starting out as a girl crush the feud with Banks will become one of Azalea’s worst. 

October 20, 2011

Azealia Banks tweeted, “once wrote a song called ‘Barbie Shit,’ but nicki minaj blew up like the week after so i took it down, lololz. i felt corny. Also wrote a song called P-U-$-$-Y before Iggy Azalea.” Iggy responded with, “its NEVER been about who did it first… its ALWAYS been about who did it better.” Banks retweeted Iggy’s insult and wrote back, “i know right?? lmfaooo. haha.” And the beef begins. 

In an interview not long after the tweet, Iggy reflects on the tweet claiming Banks said, “I’m next level, I had a song about being a Barbie before Nicki Minaj had a song about being a Barbie. Here’s the link to my song. And fuck Iggy Azalea, I had a song called ‘Pussy’ before she ever did. Here’s a link to my song. It’s better.” …essentially nothing like the original tweet.

October 21, 2011 

Notorious for picking fights with anyone from Kedrick Lamar to Zayn Malik, Azealia Banks subtweets about Iggy. “I smell beef.” 

December 2, 2011 

When someone tweeted “Iggy Azelia Banks iz weird” Banks was fast to respond with “We’re two COMPLETELY different people hun. :-.” Iggy did not respond. 

December 9, 2011 

Iggy announces her new album’s title, The New Classic. Possibly directed toward Banks. 

December 19, 2011 

A$AP Rocky and Banks are spotted holding hands in New York. This puts fuel in the fire with Banks who grew up with A$AP and his crew in Harlem. 

January 13, 2012

Iggy responds to claims about feud with Banks, “I have no deal with her. I don’t know her personally. I said it about Kreayshawn, too. If I don’t know you personally, how could I have a problem with you? What would I have a problem about? I don’t know that person … I don’t know you. I truly don’t understand it. I just keep making my own music, and I’m deaf to that. What is there to say? Nothing.” 

January 17, 2012 

Azealia Banks tweets, “Iggy Azalea’s hair looks really great in her new video. How long do you all reckon that hair is? 40″ in?” 

January 18, 2012 

Azealia Banks reportedly signs to Universal.

January 27, 2012

Iggy told Billboard that she signed to Interscope saying, “I’m super happy about it.” She made statements about other labels, mentioning Def Jam specifically, claiming they would’ve made her their “guinea pig.” She later claimed that Jimmy Iovine called her “the new Tupac.” She later tweeted, “Get used to me + jimmy [Iovine] smashing shit, cause thats the plan.” Keep in mind Interscope Records is owned by Universal, this will be relevant later. 

January 31, 2012

Azealia Banks tweets, “You can never be a young BLACK girl enjoying her life and having fun. There’s always some shady, dishonest cracker looking to assassinate your character. No offense to anyone.” and later, “Ok. i apologize to anyone who was offended by that tweet. I shouldn’t generalize my personal issues. forgive me.” and later, “Why am i being criminalized for being myself?”

February 7, 2012 

Iggy is the first female to be featured on the cover of XXL magazine for their Freshman List. Azealia was not having any of it, tweeting, “Iggy Azalea on the XXL freshman list is all wrong. How can you endorse a white woman who called herself a ‘runaway slave master’? Sorry guys, I’m pro black girl. I’m not anti white girl, but I’m also not here for any1 outside of my culture trying to trivialize very serious aspects of it.” 

Iggy later tweets “You can’t block my blessings! Today I’m celebrating! Get with it or kick rocks!”

March 2, 2012

Azealia Banks announces she’s signed to Interscope/Polydor, take a guess who is also coincidentally signed to the label.

March 10, 2012

On DJ Drama’s radio show in Atlanta Iggy is asked about Azealia’s reaction to the XXL cover, “This is my day and it’s my achievement.” She said, “You have to work to have your own achievements, with all due respect.” TI who is now Iggy’s boss adds “Strategically if she really cares about a freshmen cover maybe she could hope that she’ll suck enough to get shelved and then next year when the freshmen cover comes back around, maybe she’ll still be a freshman.” 

March 12, 2012 

Iggy writes an open letter apologizing for her “runaway slave-master” lyric “It was a tacky and careless thing to say and if you are offended, I am sorry. Sometimes we get so caught up in our art and creating or trying to push boundaries, we don’t stop to think how others may be hurt by it. In this situation, I am guilty of doing that and I regret not thinking things through more.”

March 25, 2012

Azealia Bank’s releases alleged dis track about Iggy called “Fuck Up the Fun.” 

March 27, 2012 

Iggy’s then-suspected boyfriend A$AP Rocky says, “They got to cut it out. That’s some bullshit. Iggy is not racist. Trust me. Trust me. That’s petty for Azealia because … don’t pick on her cause she white. That’s a low blow.” 

May 18, 2012 

Rumors of Iggy being dropped by Interscope surface. Iggy claims that she was never on Interscope just manged by them despite a tweet on February 7 2012 that says “im managed and signed to Interscope.” Many had suspicions that Azealia was behind it. 

April 23, 2013 

Iggy shares the news of signing to Def Jam on Twitter. Take a look at a January 27, 2012 Billboard interview where she claimed Def Jam would’ve made her their “guinea pig.” 

June 18, 2013 

Iggy is questioned by radio host Sway Calloway about possible plastic surgery. She responds with, “Yes, eyelashes are real. I’ve heard a bunch of crazy things: that it’s my underpants. I heard I have implants, I hear all kinds of crazy stuff. It’s my flesh. It’s my butt.” 

June 2013

Fans begin to uncover old racist Tweets and Iggy receives massive backlash. She claims that it is unfair because she was able to “joke” but because of her celebrity she is no longer able to. See a few of the tweets below: 

September 13, 2013 

When asked about using a “black voice” in an interview for the cover of Complex she responded with, “If you’re mad about it and you’re a black person then start a rap career and give it a go, too. I’m not taking anyone’s spot, so make yourself a mixtape. Or maybe if you’re black, start singing like a country singer and be a white person. I don’t know. Why is it such a big deal?”

May 15, 2014 

Tyler the Creator is asked on 106 & Park which female artists he’d sleep with. When prompted about Iggy he says, “She stinks. She got shots in her thump. I want real booty. You feel me?” Iggy later tweeted, “Tyler the creator is beyond immature. I’ve always believed you had something more to offer the world, Shame to see you be so rude,” she said. “People that make enemies and talk shit about ppl they’ve never even said hi to trip me out. I see it all the time… Strange world.” Iggy’s then-boyfriend Nick Yong also had something to say: “If ppl dnt hate then it want be [email protected] smell good to me”. Tyler apologized in his typical fashion with: “SUCCESSFUL, TROLL SUCCESSFUL, IGGY I DIDNT MEAN TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS.”

June 6, 2014 

Iggy criticizes Lorde in an interview with Billboard for her collaborative performance with the surviving members of Nirvana at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony. Iggy said, “Nothing against her, but I think when you’re doing a tribute to someone that’s dead, generally it should be the person’s peer,” Azalea commented. “Lorde is not Kurt Cobain’s peer. No matter if she killed the performance or not, I just don’t think it’s appropriate.” Lorde responded with: “I enjoyed it. I had a good time. That’s all that mattered.” Iggy later apologized on Twitter, “I consider lorde my very talented friend. I find it ironic 2 girls tell the media theyre full of shit & weeks later supposedly I dislike her.” 

May 26, 2014

Love & Hip Hop star K. Michelle tweets, “How can you be from another country and rap like you’re from Memphis, TN?”

June 29, 2014 

In Nicki Minaj’s acceptance speech for Best Female Artist at the BETs she allegedly took shots at Iggy who had been criticized for suspicion of using ghost writers. Minaj said, “What I want the world to know about Nicki Minaj is when you hear Nicki Minaj spit, Nicki Minaj wrote it.”

July 3, 2014 

Iggy responded to the speech in a screenshot of a letter from her notes page on Instagram. She wrote: “I have to say the general explosion of pettiness online in the last few days is hard to ignore and honestly…lame. If I had won the BET award, that would’ve been great but it wasn’t my year and I don’t mind – so you shouldn’t either. Generally speaking, I’m unbothered by anything that ‘happened’ at the BET Awards and just feel worn out by everyone trying to make me have wars with people all the time. Anyone who wishes me well is welcome in my life, and those who don’t can’t get any more of my time. I hate to see everyone exhausting themselves on my behalf over things that I’m still not 100 percent sure even exist and don’t matter. Just let it go.” Nicki later backtracked and responded with “The media puts words in my mouth all the time and this is no different. I will always take a stance on women writing b/c I believe in us!” on Twitter. “

July 9 2014 

In the wake of the BET Awards, Madd Mary releases direct dis track, “Eff Iggy.” Notable lines include: “Ignorant, impudent child of wealth and white privilege who benefits from the oppressive agenda of white supremacists,” “You just too damn afraid to engage in intelligent conversation about misappropriation of hip-hop,” “Prejudiced trash, send you back to Aussie land strapped for cash.” 

July 10 2014 

Allegedly Iggy posted a photo of her, Drake, TI and B.O.B captioned “Me and Ma Nigg’s.” Public Enemy’s Chuck D tweeted, “a new straight path to slavery Here comes a endorsed sanctioned CORPlantation artist with A line straight out of 1853.” After it was discovered that she never captioned the photo that Chuck D wrote: “True or not the IGGY thing is a reality when you call yourself with the slaveass term that was branded on skin & today marketed, sht happens.”

September 24 2014 

In an interview Rah Digga calls Iggy out, “Don’t come to America and try to convince me that you’re Gangsta Boo … Personally, I don’t consider [Iggy] Hip Hop. I listen to her album. Everything that I hear on there is everything but that. And I feel like Hip Hop is Hip Hop.” Iggy responded to the comment on Twitter with, “I honestly don’t really mind if I’m described as rap or pop. My passion is purely making music and entertaining.”

October 12 2014 

A photo of Azalea without makeup went viral and Snoop Dogg even joined in. He posted this photo on his Instagram and the feud began. 

Iggy responded to the Instagram with a string of tweets calling him out for being two faced and about how her bodyguard “stopped the fire truck that saved your friends life in canada when he almost burnt down the hotel.” Shortly after, TMZ ran a story about Iggy being “fuming mad over Snoop’s insta slam.” The two went back and forth with Azalea tweeting her feelings while Snoop continued to post memes on his Instagram clearly not bothered by the incident. 

October 12, 2014 

Iggy and her friend are followed into a grocery store by paparazzi. Clearly extremely angry her friend spits on the pap. The photographer going on to call the spit assault because he may contract AIDS or Ebola Iggy says, “Okay, I hope you have Ebola. I hope you die. You’re a fucking cunt.” The fight continues and Iggy even tried to ram him with her shopping cart calling the grocery store a “private place.” 

October 15 2014 

After a call from Iggy’s manager TI, Snoop squashed the beef in a video. 

October 27 2014 

Snoop is asked by a paparazzi if he will ever collaborate with Iggy. He responds singing the chorus of “IDFWU.” 

November 18 2014 

Eminem releases a dis track about Iggy where he jokes about raping her. Iggy responds in a tweet saying, “im bored of the old men threatening young women as entertainment trend and much more interested in the young women getting $ trend. zzzz.”

December 3 2014 

Unlike the majority of the members of the hip-hop community, Iggy is absent at protests supporting the Black Lives Matter movement and does not speak on the issue of police killings of unarmed black men. Azealia Banks is the first to call her out on it, “its funny to see people Like Igloo Australia silent when these things happen… Black Culture is cool, but black issues sure aren’t huh?” Iggy subtweets, “we’ve all read the script 49584068408540 billion times now, find a new game plan.” 

December 5 2014 

Iggy is nominated for Record of the Year, Best New Artist, Best Pop/Duo Performance, and Best Rap Album for the 2015 Grammys. 

December 18 2014 

Azealia Banks calls out Iggy during a Hot 97 interview for appropriating black culture as well as discussing race relations in America eloquently. 

December 19 2014 

Iggy goes on a Twitter spree. “Special msg for banks:” she tweeted, “There are many black artists succeeding in all genres. The reason you haven’t is because of your piss poor attitude.” She went on to call Banks a “bigot.” 

 December 20 2014 

Q-Tip tweeted attempted to enlighten Iggy in a string of tweets one of them read “@IZZYAZELEA Hip-hop is a artistic and socio-political movement/culture that sprang from the disparate ghettos of NY in the early 70’s.” He goes on to discuss how the connection between hip-hop, social and political issues will never be detached. Iggy did not respond. 

An anonymous hacking group claimed that they would leak rumored sex tape pictures if Iggy did not apologize for her actions. They wrote, “You are guilty of misappropriating black culture, insulting peaceful protesters, and making light of Eric Garner’s death”. Their account was then suspended. 

December 22 2014 

Iggy chimes in in a string of tweets stating, “i find it patronizing to assume i have no knowledge of something I’m influenced by, but I’ve also grown up with strangers assuming that.” She goes on to say, “how you feel about me blending musical genres together doesn’t bother me, no one is making you support or buy pop rap albums.”

January 30 2015 

Iggy has another Twitter freak out over some unapproved shots for her upcoming shoe line in collaboration with Steve Madden. One of the tweets read, “Tainted with these God awful images that Steve madden took appon themselves to create and share without my knowledge. Gross gross gross.” She later apologized on Instagram claiming she loves the company and “artists clash sometimes.” 

February 8 2015 

Probably the most random of all of her feuds… Papa Johns Pizza! Apparently her delivery man sent her personal phone number around so she tweeted at the chain and they responded lightheartedly and Iggy was not having it. “I don’t think data breach is funny.” She continued, “I expect you to contact me to explain how you are going to rectify your breach of my personal information in a satisfactory and professional way or lawsuit will be filed.”

February 18 2015 

After returning home from vacation to see people criticizing her body in paparazzi photos Iggy announces that she will no longer run her social media accounts. 

June 29 2015

Iggy called out Britney Spears and her team for their lack of promotion for the duos collaboration on “Pretty Girls”. She tweeted, “its difficult to send a song up the charts without additional promo and tv performance etc. unfortunately I’m just featured”. Britney responded on Instagram posting a photo that read “DONT LET IDIOTS RUIN YOUR DAY.”

August 10 2015

ComicBook NOW! tweeted ‘The Last Airbender’ is to movies what Iggy Azaelia is to music.’ Of course Iggy could not help herself and responded with “think its another one of those jokes only middle aged men who get boners over comic book movies understand.”

September 16 2015

In a Hot 97 interview, TI said that he no longer speaks to his former protégé Iggy. He says he walked away from the relationship after Q-Tip tried to teach Iggy about cultural appropriation in hip-hop music and her response was not ideal. Iggy responded by saying, “I don’t think the radio is the right place to talk about personal issues.”  

October 12 2015

When Rita Ora named Iggy as a potential collaborator for a Lady Marmalade remake Azalea quickly shut her down tweeting, “Please leave me out of the whole Lady Marmalade conversation. I have nothing to do with ritas ideas & agree it should be left alone. Thanks.”

November 29 2015

Erykah Badu hosts the Soul Train Music Awards and throws shade at Azalea during her opening monolog. She pretends to receive a phone call when when she answers it says, “Uh yes? Who is this? Iggy Azalea? Yeah, hey. Oh, no, no, no, no, you can come, ’cause what you doin’ is definitely not rap.” The audience seemed to love the joke but Iggy once again took to Twitter posting, “We are days from 2016, but i came online today and saw its still cool to try and discredit my 2014 accomplishments. LOL, fucking hell.”

December 4 2015

Badu responds to Azalea linking to her tweet and writing, “Well that’ll be the LAST time I send an uber for you! I can guaran DAMN tee you THAT.” 

Jan 22 2016

In his song “White Privilege II” Macklemore calls out himself, Iggy, and other for cultural appropriation. He raps, “The culture was never your to make better. You’re Miley, you’re Elvis, you’re Iggy Azalea.” Iggy, very upset by the fact that old friend Macklemore did not even warn her about using her name in the song, tweeted, “he shouldnt have spent the last 3 yrs having friendly convos and taking pictures together at events etc if those were his feelings.” 

Brooklyn hip-hop artist Talib Kewli was bothered by Iggy’s reaction to the reference. He tweeted, “The [email protected] Macklemore song was a diss to her, instead of actually listening, is proof of her privilege. Fuck Iggy Azalea.” The two continued to beef back and forth on Twitter with Iggy posting, “still tweeting i see? I thought this was about macklamore? rap is global now and it has sub-styles. pop-rap is part of that.” No apology has been made.

March 2 2016

After Iggy spoke poorly about Azealia Banks in an Elle cover interview, Banks calls out Iggy’s recent plastic surgery saying, “Mentioning me is the only thing that will get you attention. Because ur music and nose job are trash.”

March 30 2016

D’Angelo Rusell posts a video of Iggy’s finance Nick Young openly implying that he was cheating on her. Iggy sarcastically tweeted, “hmmm i see D Angelo Russell is trending… I actually liked his film. Thanks bro.”

June 9 2016

Iggy announces breakup with fiancé Nick Young, “Unfortunately although I love Nick and have tried and tried to rebuild my trust in him,” Azalea wrote on Instagram, “it’s become apparent in the last few weeks I am unable to. I genuinely wish Nick the best. It’s never easy to part ways with the person you planned you’re [sic] entire future with, but futures can be rewritten and as of today mine is a blank page.” Young had a less kind response simply tweeting, “Single.” 

June 30 2016

It shortly after came out that Young’s ex-girlfriend Keonna Green is pregnant with their second child together. In a string of tweets, Iggy detailed her feelings on the incident. One read, “I broke up with Nick because I found out he had brought other women into our home while I was away and caught them on the security footage.” While another said, “I find it baffling anyone would make the choice to bring a child into the world under these circumstances + want attention and $ for it.” 

June 19 2017

Addressing Iggy as “Igloo” Azealia Banks jokes about a possible collaboration on her new song, “What if… Igloo [Iggy] was on Anna Wintour.” Iggy took this as a peacetime gesture and posted videos on her Snapchat about squashing their beef.

June 22 2017

In an unrelated interview, Halsey has some not so nice things to say about Azalea. “There’s a lot of people I wouldn’t put on my record” she said. “Iggy Azalea— absolutely not. She had a complete disregard for black culture. Fucking moron. I watched her career dissolve and it fascinated me.”

Iggy responded on an Australian talk show saying, “I thought it was a bit of a strange thing to throw that out there, but she’s young and I hope she learns maybe to be a bit less judgmental when she’s kind of in the same shoes.”

This article originally appeared on Billboard.

https://tunecollective.com/2017/07/01/full-timeline-iggy-azaleas-beefs-azealia-banks-halsey/