sins-silos

[sins-silos]

VENUS TRINE MOON

I can't give you more when I’m less of me,

while still getting less of you.

I can’t settle for your sweet nothings—

I’m demented. I still need you to touch me.

I know you miss me, even if you don’t say it.

You kiss me like a lover.

You’re playful with me,

and I know I make you nervous.

I want you to take it, but I know you’re defiant;

your ego would rather know I miss you

just to give yourself a reason to discard your feelings.

Making me the villain.

That’s stupid.

You could’ve had what you wanted

if you’d opened your heart—and your mouth.

You’ve already shown me everything you felt;

there’s no point in hiding it.

And if you’re truly holding back because you’re jealous—

again, stupid.

Do you know what my problem is?

I get used to potential.

And you know what yours is?

You thought you could move dishonestly.

You forget—we’re the same.

Your rising sign trines my sun.

In short, we’re mirrors.

I don’t trust you because you can’t be honest.

And you don’t trust me.

Guess that’s why you fuck me like that—

you need some toxicity.

You can’t handle purity coming from me;

it makes you want to love me.

You can’t handle yourself.

There’s something about me you love,

but you don’t trust I feel the same about you.

I scare you into bravery, make you say it with your chest.

Your other girls feed your ego; I feed your soul.

You can’t stand that I’m not single.

You want to claim me—and you can’t.

So you’d rather pretend it doesn’t bother you.

Fuck you. Tell me it does.

What you don’t know is I would tell you the truth—

you have a piece of me,

and I could give you anything you dare to ask for.

But you’re too afraid.

You think it makes you look weak.

But in bed, you worship me.

And here’s the truth:

like me, you’re cynical, numb, and yet, you feel everything.

A drop of feeling leaves you addicted,

but you won’t admit you’re made for me.

You’re too busy hiding in your shell,

focused on appearing mysterious.

Guess what? I’m just like you.

So, I’ll see you soon.

We both know this doesn’t end here.

And if it does, it’s because you finally realized the truth.

You love me, and you hate it.

But I don’t want that kind of love anyway.

I’d rather have something mutual, obsessive,

safe and honest.

Your dishonesty with your feelings

is a goddamn minefield.

[sins-silos]

3

My life path number,

the number of siblings and parents I have,

the number of my closest friends.

In new development – death.

Sixty days into grief entering my life today.

I’m distant, exhausted.

I deserve an AA chip for not crashing out.

What’s the second stage of grief again?

Is it patience, temperance?

They said by the third month there’s balance, by then it’s “supposed to make sense.”

Bullshit.

Three days into September,

mind focused on September 1st grief dreams.

Hysterical wakings out of my sleep.

Day two – avoiding reality, sleeping heavily.

1,000g of God’s strongest weed, please.

Maybe then I won’t feel like me. Hopefully.

Day three, I’m peeved and anxious without reason.

This is a process.

I have to be patient.

The number three is a typhoon in my life.

I tire of being swept away in her tides.

[sins-silos]

RX

My karma is thinking about you when I dont want too

what the fuck am I missing? Theres nothing here and it never will be.

Im desiring everything I already have, why am I not satisfied?

I wanna be full, I want another moment but what joy will that bring me? Im running in fucking circles - hurdling over your name in my mind so I dont stop and walk down your trail.

You've left me with nothing to work with so why am I wondering if im ever gonna see you?

Im craving an invisible energy.

[sins-silos]

*FANTASY*

Im thinking about your hands and your lips again

you kissed me like you missed me

and i missed you. there was no hiding it

i love making you excited

you didn't touch me for a second

you couldn't keep your eyes off me

i needed those kisses to my neck

i needed to devour you

i needed your demands and to hear your moans

my body aches for you

i want you to cum...

alll over me

the problem with chemistry is you will never beat the science behind fact.

its natural.

i love the way you smell because it triggers a safety, feral desire for me to soak up your essence

immediately a succubus in your presence give me that tension and those eyes

wrap our tongues once more

from me i guarantee to only replenish you with my waters and pleasantries.

you love when we fuck because when i thrust on you, my pussy reads to you a feral desire to release - everytime.

You cant help yourself but to catch me when you're the reason I cant catch my breath.

you lust for my moans, cum, taste and sweat.

My body is a road map that your hands must explore and body must dominate.

This isnt love but I have to make sense of it. theres no room for delusions when it comes to you.

KJE

07:07am

[sins-silos]

LATELY

(read every sentence like lately is at the beginning)

im tired of masking my annoyance in the name of "everyone has issues" - fuck everyone else.

im reclaiming my power and my essence.

those who love me dearly have me fucked up.

ive felt strange sharing my pieces. not the bad ones - like the ones about the artist that have saved my life because mgk is cliche and juice wrld is dead so i should just get over it.

this (^) has left me feeling so alone. no one listens anymore.

saying my truth has made the wars bigger.

ive been hearing backhanded comments (ex: i know how your finances really look)

ive been exhausted. with myself, with everyone. unconscious expectations have left my heart a little guared.

I wanna be worshipped, fucked and held for hours.

sex has been on the back burner.

im not interested if im not getting what I want.

selfishness + secrecy are calling to me.

I too have been thinking about my karmic.

this (^) made me realize that in missing them, it was the first time in a while I felt like a person and not just...an existence.

i think shawty misses their karmic more than they'll ever admit to me.

it feels like everything is telling me there isnt enough time.

i feel like no matter what - because everyone in the world is so desensitized to emotion, it doesnt matter if I vent about my own world. i'll be reminded to get over it and that everyone has problems

ive been invalidated.

its fuck everyone.

Ive been feeling real "watch what you say to me. you'll stay there"

ive come to the realization that all of this is temporary. everyone is temporary.

ive also realized that ive been breaking my back for the wrong causes.

everything is up in the air + im lighting cigarettes around clean lungs.

my passion is only for myself these days.

secrets keep me safe.

ive fallen more in love with myself despite this poems callous tone.

im releasing everyone and everything.

im forcing everyone to start anew w me.

KJE

11:21PM

"Lately"

Mood: Calmer.

Colour: Electric Blue

[sins-silos]

title: dry conversations

they haven't been on my mind for a while.

when I woke up, they weren't the first name I thought of.

still cant feed delusions

still cant avoid the facts

I love being adored

yet flattery means nothing

its baseless and rooted in repetition

my soul isnt on the auction block

im not desperate for our connection

oh well. they'll learn.

kje

2.15.23

3:00am

[sins-silos]

我的公告

(my announcement)

it is with grief

i announce

my heart is made of osmium

and it weighs a billion pounds

[sins-silos]

I am love, I walk in love.

i am the embodiment

im done asking

do they love me

lets be real

CAN they love me?

and if not

would they dare let me go?

or

if they can

would it be for a moment or a lifetime?

would they ask themselves this or make me decide?

love is big, its a dream

we demand its consistency, honesty

but

love is an action, not a prayer

so

CAN you love me?

is the love you've given for mutual benefit

or created from fallacy?

these questions reflected towards ones psyche are asked only to develop movement and clarity

[sins-silos]

6.7.23

My demons are speaking to me

I wanna bust him down - but not before I get the filthiest head.

I want deep strokes and apology kisses.

cum in mes and worships.

I want perfect synergy + synastry.

Fun, sweet, slow, apologetic and nasty.

I want round 2s and anal.

I wanna see him work for it - and its killing me that im holding out.

i cant keep giving and I gotta stand my ground.

My feelings were really hurt.

I didn’t like feeling that way.

So please, im hoping he’s good and he makes it up to me.

Not just in sex - in action, change.

In energy.

See me for me, appreciate and worship me please.

I cant take the high school shit - that aint us unless were arguing

Im tired of fighting

I wont drop my war but holy fuck hold me close.

Kiss my neck and break my spine.

I feel you - we’re both dying.

This shits painful but im not making you feel it.

Im not being mean or bringing it up.

Im just doing my own thing - taking care of myself the way I need too.

its killing me standing on business and all I want is you.

[sins-silos]

my heart calls for you in every shade, environment

i dont think the trees would bloom without you

to you, im grey

My hands are knives

my minds consistent complexities cannot create this way

I am roots and home

the moon + nucleus

whats the use of this gloom?

I still yearn for you

You have a way of inviting and enticing me

We are simply existing and my body is in waves

Please, touch me.

You make me feel aliveee, and no - I dont want you to be mine. I want the vibe. We coexist peacefully. You’re a light. We understand each other.

I laid on the floor and rode you like I been craving.

I miss your lips.

[sins-silos]

YELLOW LIGHT

Its been on my mind.

I havent thought about it in weeks.

Im half a ticket

from

making some decisions

whats a couple days alone

In a (redacted location)

with a nice (redacted possession)

Im tired of fantasizing

i want the fantasy

Ive been promised

sex from the gods

energy to die for.

Ive been promised romantic

& disgusting escapades

new adventures we could slip into

Apart of me debates, the rebel says do it.

im surprised im intrigued

Its just a few days..

toss away my moral code

burn a few contracted agreements

it all seems too good to be true.

it all seems too good to be true.

[sins-silos]

lil shawtys interlude

All day, we were silent

I playfully stuck up my middle finger

childish - but im no longer making first moves

Telepathically talking

our eyes are calm

I wasnt looking for signals

stopped doing that with my flings

they aim to hypnotize sexually

I dont pride myself on lust, everyones replaceable

however

their aura was lusting, seductive

my skin itched for them to touch me

looking at one another, we both had flashbacks

my legs on their shoulders

them kissing my stomach

savoring my pussy, licking their lips

their hands in my mouth and a breathy

"no ma'am"

had to focus

they walked up too me

gave me those eyes and kissed me

confused but i'll take it.

i was super cavalier

stopped in my tracks + said "mmm, i hope you have a wonderful day"

pimping off, i started to think how an anxious woman does

should've, would've, could'ves

yet, i laughed and smiled

a kiss is a seal of desire

and now, we wait.

[sins-silos]

POLAROID

a picture is a two second keepsake

but polaroids?

asking for trouble.

I want a few of my own.

I want to be caught intimately

a flash here and there

My tits on display

I want him to ravish me...

[sins-silos]

pain, apathy

numbness, detachment.

My usual favorite cocktail for “growth”

I feel fooled and spooked.

My heart writhes constantly these days

I wont overreact, I wont scream

Ive been sitting and waiting to process.

Im trying to give myself time to feel, but my mind guards first and ask questions later.

How I’ve existed is dying.

Over giving lover turned blacksmith.

I make what I feel, instead of giving unconsciously.

The pain of feeling misunderstood while taking critique of how to better exist.

The apathy from knowing I’ve changed and how its *still* not enough

Numbness from the reminder that I cant change how anyone feels - and how much I dont want too.

Detachment due to understanding that only I will get me out of here.

Im bleeding out with a smile on my face :)

My masochist ways are the only way I remember that im human.

Its the only way that I remind myself that I cannot cultivate expectation from a soul here.

Its the only way that I remember that im alive.

[sins-silos]

MEH

Im no better than these men

I’ve been blocking women the second I hear something ignorant and/or life altering

Not that im not willing to open my heart for the right woman

I just think the lot of them get things confused

Gassing my head up isnt gonna make me think you’re sexually safe.

I dont want to risk anything.

I dont want to take any chances.

However

I’m not gonna depend on one person to fulfill my needs

*bangs head on wall due to frustration/lust*

i would love the opportunity to devour clean pussy.

I miss my jaw aching and deep laughter

I miss teasing a woman till she cums in whatever way her body sees fit

I miss slippery fingers and sweet wetness

clit to clit

I want to squirt on her face and ride her tongue

I miss long hair and deep, lusty moans

Her body convulsing, begging for me to touch her.

Kissing her in places many would’ve missed

Giving her the holiest damnations and heaven…

*sighs*

I’ll find her soon.

[sins-silos]

02:22am

She has me throbbing through my thong.

The sinful thoughts of her long hair wrapped around my fingers are only proof that my lust for her has truth in it.

Her breasts belong in my hands, in my mouth..

Her nipples deserve to be rolled, bruised and teased….

Her pussy….mmmmm

I can’t wait to taste how sweet. I need her rubbing against me. I can already see her face flushing red when she cums on me..

I need her..dark goddess of lust + beauty

[sins-silos]

healing powerfully

snatchin back my pieces till I stop bleeding

DONE breaking over those who dont care that they’ve broken me.

It was never love - just lies/feeding

The broken always drop the fixed - i shouldve never got caught in the mix

Now im careless in all my intentions

guess im more like you than I care to admit

Difference is I wont break another cause im unsure of my shit

Im angry + tired of being understanding

the hurt was intentional.

end of story - you broke me

but i wont be giving you the satisfaction of seeing me bleed.

You do what you will.

I’ll be straight regardless.

My hurt is not your concern.

Im happy my heart provided the perfect foundation for your games

to be continued cause I dont know what to say

you deserve every karmic execution coming your way

:)