#Also we DO NOT talk about Charlie and Marley

[estellardreams]

Family Photo

(Evil Sonic AU belongs to @kittygamer2888)

[RP SPECIFIC PHOTO UNDER CUT]

[eggxeggxegg]

A playlist for wholesome angbang: the stories all off & notes on why particular ones are on it

Melkor’s POV

Little Talks by of monsters and men, everything I wanted by Billie Eilish — near the end Melkor’s mental health wasn’t good. Mairon is the countering voice

The sound if silence by Simon & Garfunkel, chained to the rhythm by Katy perry + skip Marley — Melkor can see the big picture when others can’t

Heavy by linkin park + kiiara — some more depicting Melkor’s deteriorating mental health

Call it what you want to by Taylor swift — Melkor’s reputation is bad but he’s so thankful Mairon is there

Stay stay stay by Taylor Swift — they have a wholesome relationship where they can work out their problems. Also, I love the idea that Mairon thinks it funny when melkor gets mad

Sucker by the jonas brothers — Melkor is a total simp for mairon

Something just like this by the chainsmokers + Coldplay — Melkor won’t be remembered as a legendary hero and he can’t promise a life or bliss, but Mairon isn’t looking for that sort of thing

Cough syrup by young the giant, way less sad by AJR, bad habits by Ed sheeran — Melkor is just an angsty kind of person

Bang! by AJR, sugar we’re goin down by fallout boy — I think Melkor already knew he’d lose the war of wrath before it even started

You should see me on a crown by Billie Eilish — I think this type of mood is directed to his enemies. I like the idea that he’s terrible to his enemies, but otherwise he’s a chill person.

Sinking man by of monsters and men — Melkor telling Mairon to flee and save themselves

Peace by Taylor Swift — Melkor at the beginning of their relationship

This is why we can’t have nice things by Taylor Swift — Melkor stealing the silmarils.

Locked away by r. city + Adam Levine — “if I got locked away and we lost it all today, tell me honesty: would you still love me the same?”

Deja vu by Olivia Rodrigo — it’s supposed to be about a romantic relationship, but in this scenario I think it fits for Melkor being salty that he was replaced by manwe. I do think eru literally reused the same template but then ‘fixed all the flaws’. I headcanon that it was just Melkor and eru at first, and then eru made all the other Ainur.

Mairon’s POV

King and lionheart by of monsters and men — also sounds like you’re aching and I’m a lying heart.

Holy ground by Taylor Swift, wolves by Selena Gomez + Marshmello, see you again by wiz khalifa + Charlie puth — Mairon mourning Melkor after he’s gone

Starlight, paper rings by Taylor Swift — being in love

Hold you down by x ambassadors — Mairon is Melkor’s pillar and cornerstone. Also, they’re assuring him they won’t be leaving since Melkor can get paranoid that Mairon doesn’t love him anymore

Cowboy like me by Taylor Swift — the existence of the hanging gardens of Babylon is disputed by historians, just like their relationship. Plus, angbang for the win

Look what you made me do, mad woman, I did something bad by Taylor swift — mairon’s anger during the second age

Pompeii by bastille — the fall of Numenor. There’s no way the loremasters would be able to know if Mairon was laughing if the only people that survived were away on ships and all those still on Numenor perished. He wasn’t laughing.

Yellowcard’s cover of Christmas lights — obviously it’s Mairon mourning Melkor being gone, but the ‘where the sea and city meet’ makes me think this is specifically when Mairon is on Numenor.

Gold rush by Taylor swift — at the very beginning Mairon wasn’t interested in Melkor because they didn’t allow themselves to fall in love. They’re convincing themselves that it could never work.

The last great American dynasty by Taylor Swift — Rebekah is Melkor. “Who knows if she never showed up what could’ve been. There goes the most shameless women this town has ever seen. She had a marvelous time ruining everything” and then “I had a marvelous time ruining everything”

Prayer in C by Lilly wood and the prick — being pissed off at Eru

4th of July by fallout boy — my interpretation of silvergifting. Angbang for the win.

Melron’s (a placeholder name for their kid) POV

Audition (the fools who dream) sung by Emma stone from the movie la la land — the aunt is Melkor

The nights by avicii — Melron thinks of his father very fondly

Marjorie by Taylor Swift — about melron mourning Melkor being gone

House of gold by twenty one pilots — “let’s say we up and left this town and turned our future upside down. We’ll make pretend that you and me lived ever after happily”

It just went along with the general vibe

The story’s all off:

Lorde’s cover of Everybody Wants to Rule the World

Miss Americana and the heartbreak prince by Taylor Swift

Counting Stars by onerepublic

Bad guy by Billie Eilish

Fire meets fate by ruelle

New Romantics by Taylor Swift

Dirty paws by of monsters and men

Wild things by alessia cara

Here’s 2 us sung by Victoria justice from the Nickelodeon tv show victorious

Wholesome angbang:

Accidentally in love by counting crows

Symphony clean bandit + Zara Larson

Me! by Taylor Swift + brendon urie

Still into you by paramore

Pretending the stars by mindy smith

Till forever falls apart by Ashe + finneas

Dancing with our hands tied, king of my heart, Cornelia street, new year’s day by Taylor Swift

Someday by onerepublic

Bonus: feanor’s pov

Gorgeous by Taylor Swift — I think feanor had some strong feelings for Melkor

[damn-behzinga]

I Can’t Wait For Forever

Ethan Payne (Behzinga) X Reader

summary - The Sidemen film your’s and Ethan’s wedding, here are the fan favourite bits.

warnings - lack of father figure, panicking, swearings, my terrible writing

request - Could you do something with ethan where it's your wedding day or something. Thank you x

Hey if it alright could you do an ethan imagine where it's our wedding day and maybe its filmed by the sidemen x it's alright if you dont

masterlist and request info

You and Ethan had gotten engaged a year and a half before you officially got married. Ethan proposed at your anniversary and you had announced it a few days later.

You had chosen to get married at an old manor house which had a beautiful garden especially during the summer you were due to get married in.

When you and Ethan gave your invites to the lads, Ethan sat them down and finally asked, "Will you lads be my groomsmen?"

The boys all beamed and pulled Ethan into a hug and started jumping. You chuckled and smiled softly, watching the boys interact.

"So, who's your best man then?" JJ asked, a grin on his face.

Ethan grinned and sighed. "I chose Charlie." The boys all looked at one and other sighed.

"What?" JJ exclaimed.

"Well, when you guys get married, Josh will choose Tobi and vice versa, Vik will choose Harry and vice versa, and Simon will choose JJ and vice versa. I didn't want to pick one of you lot over the other." Ethan explained. The pairs all nodded understanding completely, knowing not to argue with the groom to be.

"Can we film it?" Harry asked.

"I'll have to talk to y/n, but it could be fun. You guys could film you guys practising. I think we were planning on filming the wedding anyway."

You had agreed, thinking it would be fun if the men filmed their perspective of the wedding and how their morning went. So the men filmed the day and how the rehearsal the day before went.

You stood at the entrance of the manor house, You watched as each of the pairs of brides and grooms made their way up to alter before going to their respective side. First to walk up was Charlie and your best friend Lucy, followed by Simon and Talia, then JJ and Becky. As Harry and Katie walked up to the alter they unlinked their arms and quickly separated causing Ethan to groan.

"You come up to there and then walk away not walk away straight away! Have you lot been to a wedding before?" You laughed at Ethan's comment as Harry chuckled and apologised. They were followed by Josh and Freya, Tobi and Gee, and then Vik and your friend Steph. Then it was your two young cousins, the flower girl and page boy. The walked down the aisle together and then ran up to give Ethan a hug. Josh and Harry were messing around with the cameras not really paying attention to talk about what was happening to the viewers.

You had decided on pink dresses for the bridesmaids and blue suits for the groomsmen. Ethan wore a black suit which contrasted your white trumpet figured dress that had a long train. The dress had long sleeves and an open back, showing off your figure but also letting your remain covered.

The groomsmen were on the other side of the hotel and didn't tell you that JJ had lost his jewellery.  Ethan was panicking trying to find this jewellery that you had spent way too long picking out. Ethan tried to remain calm for the camera and continued to search. Vik and Josh were calming him down as Simon, JJ, and Tobi were searching for the missing cufflinks. Ethan started to calm down and pulled out his phone to call his mum.

He put it on speaker his mum answered.

"Hello, darling, are you okay?" His mum's voice rang out. "Everything going smoothly?"

"Jide has lost his jewellery so they're searching for that and I'm nervous and excited and-"

"Has he checked the drawer next to the bed and the floor around it?" His mum interrupted. Ethan looked at the lads who quickly searched the area his mum pointed out. JJ held up the lost jewellery and gave a small sorry smile.

"You're a lifesaver!" Ethan groaned into the phone and his mum just chuckled.

"Anyway, you better not be getting cold feet right now!" His mother scolded. "Y/n is too lovely for that." 

"No, I want to marry her. I can't wait to marry her!" Ethan exclaimed. "We've been planning this for a year and I don't want to get anything wrong."

"Everything will be fine. I promise you."  Ethan's mum said calmly. "I can't wait to walk with you down the aisle."

Ethan got emotional talking to his mum, just a few months ago Ethan had cried to you about how he wasn't going to have a dad to walk down the aisle with or have a dad dance with you when you switched parents after the first dance. You had insisted that it was okay to dance with his mum and that you'd just have to switch it up.

"I'll see you in fifteen minutes, love." Ethan's mum said softly. Ethan said his goodbyes and hung up.

You and Ethan had decided to do a first look video before the actual ceremony because you wanted Ethan's genuine reaction. Ethan had waited and then you walked up behind him and tapped his shoulder. Ethan nervously turned around and as soon as he saw you, he bought a hand to his mouth and he looked you up and down. 

"Hi." You whispered.

"You look- wow. You look so beautiful." He said softly. He grabbed your hand and squeezed it lightly, his other hand reached up stroked your sleeved arm softly.

"Stop. I'm going to cry!" You exclaimed.

"Don't cry, your make up took so long!" Talia said, and the two of you laughed.

You soon had to separate and go settle down so you could walk down the aisle.

Ethan linked arms with his mum, getting ready to walk down the aisle. His mum pulled him down and planted a kiss on his cheek. And then it was time. Ethan walked down the aisle and made eye contact with his friends who smiled cheerily at him. Ethan stopped at the aisle and turned to kiss his mum's cheek. She grinned at him and patted his arm softly, tapping three times, a small sign they came up with when Ethan was a child to show that she loved him, Ethan tapped three times back. His mum took her seat and Ethan stood at the aisle. He greeted the celebrant and shook his hand.

"Congratulations." The celebrant smiled.

"Thank you so much." Ethan mirrored his smile.

Music started playing and Ethan immediately turned to watch the groomsmen and bridesmaids walking down the aisle. They all remembered what they had to do which relieved Ethan a bit. Ethan hugged your young cousins and they quickly moved on. Ethan then watched as you appeared at the other end of the hall, holding arms with your dad. You made eye contact with Ethan and waved quickly. He grinned and walked down the three steps to take your hand. He shook your dad's hand and you kissed your dad's cheek. Your dad took his seat as Ethan walked you up to the small stage. 

As the celebrate started his speech, you stared at Ethan and grabbed his hand and stroked it softly.

"And now for the vows." The celebrant smiled, passing Ethan the microphone.

Ethan took a deep breath and started to recite his vows, "When we met, I was a lost person looking to be found. During dark times, you were my flashlight. During hard times, you were my sense of relief. During times when I felt as though I had nothing left in me, you helped me get back up and fight. So now, as I look at you in front of me as beautiful as ever, I can say with confidence that you are the embodiment of joy, kindness, love, life, and happiness. You helped me grow to be a better person and I can't thank you enough. I vow to always respect and value your opinions. I vow to listen to your rants about whatever show you're watching that I don't understand. I vow to try to never hurt you. I vow that no matter what happens, I will stand by your side. I vow to remind you of how beautiful you are in every way. I vow to be a shoulder to cry on when we rewatch Marley And Me. I vow to be the best I can for you and so much more."

You wiped your tears and chuckled softly at him before reciting your vows. "I was always known as the quiet, awkward girl in the back of the room but when I met you, you made me feel listened to and understood. When I couldn't get out of bed for the day because everything seemed too much, you would go out of your way to help me get up and relax. You were my reason then, my reason now, and my reason every day. When I felt I was stuck at the bottom of the mountain with no way of getting up, you provided climbing equipment and climbed with me. You have never left me behind and I can't thank you enough for that. I vow to give you my all and help you during hard times. I vow to watch football with you even though I don't understand what's going on. I vow to be most truthful self in front of you even if it's the ugly truth. I vow to be a shoulder to cry on when you watch Marley and Me because, although you won't admit it, you've cried more times over that than me. I vow to be by your side no matter what life throws at us. And I vow to love you as much as I can."

And soon after, the celebrant announced that "You may now kiss the bride.". Ethan cupped your cheek and pulled you into a kiss and dipped you slightly. You pulled apart and started to walk down the aisle towards the car that waited for you outside. You got into the car and waved at your friends before they drove you to the hotel where you spent some quality time together.

An hour later you arrived at the reception where the two of you were welcomed with a round of applause and cheer. You made your ways to the seats and people started raising their glasses as Josh stood to make a speech.

"When I met Ethan, he was a fat kid playing Fifa in Essex. We got along really well and there was a moment where me and Ethan, a few years later we were sitting on the couch after a shoot and he turned to me and he said he had gone on a date with this girl that he really liked. And I found that her name was y/n." Josh smiled at the two of you. "They hit it off and we met her a month later and dinner. And as y/n left to go to the bathroom, Ethan turned to us and said 'I'm going to marry that girl'." Ethan chuckled and blushed. "And all of us at the dinner had known that this was going to last forever. Y/n balanced Ethan out and after Ethan had told me he thought he was going to die alone, it was nice to see Ethan so hopeful about love. Y/n didn't like him because he was Behzinga or a YouTuber, she liked him for him, and Ethan needed a person like that in his life. So, as I stand here today, I want to thank Y/n for always being genuine and not letting Ethan getting too big of a head. I would wish you luck for the future ahead but I already know that you two are going to stand together through everything. So, I wish that you two live a happy and healthy life together because you deserve it. Thank you." Everyone clapped as you wiped away a few loose tears.

Your dad had stood up to make a speech. "There are times when I look at y/n and I see her as the girl I held in my arms, moments after she was born. When y/n was a teenager she made the decision to move to London, she was only eighteen and eager to live her life to the fullest. I remember a few years later during one of our weekly calls that she was going out with this guy called Ethan. Now I met Ethan a few months later because something had happened and we came together to help Y/n. Ethan was nervous meeting me and my wife but we quickly proved to him that y/n was the most important thing to us and she was to him as well." You sniffled as your dad made the speech. "It was so surreal having Ethan come up to me and ask me if he could take y/n's hand in marriage, and I remember turning to him and saying that he didn't need to ask because I was already so supportive of their relationship that I was surprised they weren't married already. I already have a beautiful daughter but I am so happy to welcome Ethan into our family with open arms." You cried and gave your dad a hug, not wanting to let go. 

You had eaten your food and soon it was the first dance, Ethan and you had practised your slow dance for months and you were relieved when you managed to get to the final dip successfully.  You danced with your dad and Ethan danced with his mum, softly whispering to one and another about how proud they were. You had talked with Ethan about dancing with your mum but Ethan felt off because he didn't have a dad for you to dance with. So, as Ethan started to dance with your mum, you took his mum's hands and started swaying with her. Ethan met your eyes across the dance floor and smiled at you. You then cut into the red velvet cake and fed it to each other.

You continued to dance with everyone, socializing with all the guests, eager to see them all. And obviously you had to play some top tunes so when Beerus came on, all you jumped to the dance floor and hyped JJ up. The night was full of love and laughter and you wouldn't have had it any other way.

"Right, welcome back to Sidemen Sunday and before we get into it, let's give a round of applause to Ethan in his first Sidemen video being a married man!" Josh cheered. Ethan grinned at the camera, showing off his new wedding ring as everyone cheered.

"How does it feel to be married?" Vik asked.

"Like the same, except I have a ring on." Ethan joked. "Nah, I've never been happier. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I got to share the experience with you guys and we filmed it so I can hold that memory forever."

"Thank you for letting us be groomsmen." Tobi smiled

"Still pissed you didn't choose me to be best man." JJ huffed jokingly.

"Anyways." Ethan rolled his eyes. "I loved it and you guys coming up with the idea to film getting ready, that was brilliant."

"I watched the videos you guys did without me whilst I was on honeymoon and you lot lost the plot without me lads." Ethan chuckled. 

"How was your honeymoon? You went to South Korea right?" Simon asked.

"It was good actually! Lovely weather, we did so much, it was surreal!" Ethan chuckled. "Honestly, go there if you have the chance.

"Anyways, shall we move on with the video?" Josh asked and then everything quickly went back to how it usually was in a sidemen video, except this time, Ethan got to say 'My Wife'.

[fanficsofafangirl]

1.5k Followers Appreciation post!

I am honored to say that on Instagram I have reached 1.5k followers. Truthfully, I had no clue I would reach that far when I first made my account. The fact that 1,500 people enjoy my content is wayy surprising. I’m so happy and grateful and thankful that we’ve even gotten this far. Each and every single one of you matter to me.

Every time one new person follows me I’m so happy. Whenever someone unfollows me it makes my heart break. This happens with others as well. We are also so grateful for you guys.

Because of this I am now gonna take the time to thank some of y’all for helping me reach this milestone specifically. I love all of you though!

First, I would like to thank everyone in the Llama Cult or Rat Chat. You guys are amazing and incredible and even though I am aware some of y’all are sick of me in there because I am annoying and talk about myself a lot, you guys still talk to me and I love that. Thank you guys so much for staying with me for the past few months. I love yall.

Archer! Thank you so much for being the most incredible friend ever, like you’re so supportive and friendly and awesome and ilysm. You’re one of my closest friends on this Fanpage and your just like totally awesome and incredible. I’m so lucky to be friends with you, love you!

Kelsey! You’re an awesome friend. Your energy is unmatched like BIG gemini vibes. You make me feel so loved and cared for. You’re like my mom friend and I know you care about me and you make me feel so happy. Tysm for being the best friend ever and I LOVE YOU DONT FORGET THAT!

Charlie my niece, you’re so smart and like my role model even tho you’re my cousins child dont judge okay. Like you’re so pretty and smart like H O W 🥺💜 also your posts are gold. And your tai Kwon doe skills too. Honestly I’m so grateful to know you and I’m so happy that we’re friends. Love you!

Ella, we haven’t known each other for that long but we’re getting married so you get a special spot. You’re so kind and so friendly and you just ~belong~ in the Rat Chat. Like you’re just so fun and you have the best ideas and your posts are just awesome. You’re the best dum dum wife ever, I hate you :)

Lex, you’re such an annoying ploopy person cuz you wont update your fanfic. You’re also my twin so ofc I hate you >:( I’m not even gonna thank you for anniething. Why are we related. Your fanfics are so good tho okay. And fine I do kinda love you 🥺 FORGET I SAID THAT

Binitaaaa you’re so awesome and kind and sweet and looks like I have raised you well so thanks for making me a great mom !! You’re so kind like honestly like the sweetest. We have to work on your posting honey but otherwise I think I’ve done a good job (and you okay you get credit too)

Amelie! You’re like such an awesome mother and grandma. Even tho you sadly know french and wont let me curse in it (I haven’t taught your grandchild French for that reason, I’m a nice mom unlike you hmm hmm) tysm for like raising me. You did it so well and honedtly YOURE LIKE THE BEST MOM PIKE YOUR SO PRETTY AND NOT EVEN EMBARRADING love you🥺🥺

I also wanna thank Katie for being a big fat biSh and your stories are good too

Aunt carbè for being a food and the largest rat

Linds for being the BEST GRANDMA EVER OH MY GOODNESS

Sami and I legit hate her so like why tf am I thanking her- (you’re a meanie for real🥲)

Dorito for being an awesome friend

Cassie for being incrediblè

Brynne for making me feel happy

Julie for being pretty cool

Kat for being A W E S O M E

Cora for being dirty minded

Lycke for replying to my dm’s

Marley for being an awesome and gorgeous friend

Natra and cherry for being bigger rats than I thought they were

MB for being like my fORST friend

Mia for being so talented

Zoe for being the sweetest and kindest

AND SO MANY MORE PEOPLE <3

I would also like to thank all of my group chats! Y’all are the best!

Love you all!!!!

(And you Teee)

As you can see I got progressively lazier :)

[lapislazulixx]

Children in France

In recent times La France has had multiple terrorist attacks, from Charlie Hebdo, The Bataclan concert, The beheading of Samuel Patti, and other terrorist attacks. To combat terrorism The President of France, Emanuel Macron is signing in a new bill called the law against Islamic separatism.  This new bill aims to combat terrorism by further assimilating its Muslim population. The Most notable aspect of this bill is how this law affects the lives of French Muslim children, in the name of combating terrorism and assimilation, this law mandates that every child three and up to be sent to French schools to get educated by the state and prohibits home schooling. This is in addition to the laws, that already prohibit young female Muslim students from wearing their headscarf’s in school in the name of L’aicitee (Secularism of the state.) Hence the question arises is it morally right, for the state to ideologically and culturally separate Muslim children from their families, to better assimilate them into French society. Hasn’t history shown us? that when the state took in children into its care. Didn’t it have a disastrous effect on the youth and left them as a lost generation? For what France is doing today, has been done before by the United States in the 19th century by its policy of assimilation of Native American children. Due to this policy thousands of Native American children were taken away from their parents and forced into boarding schools. The founder of these Native American Boarding schools Richard Henry Pratt used the words “Kill the Indian in the child and save the man” to secure funding from the government. The children at these boarding schools were thought to be ashamed of their culture, value and adapt white culture and mannerism. A culture they were thought that was superior to their own. It is now known that these kids whom the government separated from their parents and raised them in institutions in a cold calculating manner, didn’t usher in a new era of Native American gentlemen and ladies who grew up to be great productive members of white society. No! most of these children grew up to become confused, insecure and lost. They didn’t fit in white society, or in Native American circles. A majority of these kids grew up to suffer mental and emotional trauma, which made some of them commit suicide, or turn to drugs and alcohol to numb the pain. The pain of growing up in a boarding school for Native Americans is perfectly described in the Dennis Banks founder of the American Indian movement.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FFAQBUCNEtg

And on the other side of the world, policies of assimilation were also as tragic, with the aboriginal children who became the stolen generation. From the years 1910 to 1970 aboriginal children were taken away from their parents and given away to strangers in boarding schools, as one of the survivors of these schools Sheila Humphries tells her story those schools were not for the benefit of the children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V3SX0H7pHc&t=154s

For the likes of Richard Henry Pratt and etc.…, really didn’t care about the well being of the children for despite what they say of trying to save the man it was a case of, as Bob Marley once sang to “Kill them before they grow.” The Same is true with the new policy of assimilation in France those politicians Emanuel Macron, Marine La Penn, or etc.… really don’t care about Muslim girls freedom, or her wellbeing. For all this talk of liberating Muslim women, and etc… is just a guise a ruse to destroy Muslim communities and their heritage; moreover, no politician and no institution can replace the love and warmth parents and community can give to a child, for as Nietzsche one said, “state is the coldest of the coldest monsters.” L’ etat and its bureaucracies are capable and are needed for many things; however, we cannot delegate all power and responsibilities especially when it comes to the upbringing of our children to the government. So, to reiterate no matter the political problems of modern-day France, or threats of terrorism it is facing. For, its politicians to use innocent children in their large political machinations, or to go after the children of their so-called enemies to get at their enemies is shameful and very immoral. It was wrong when it happened with the stolen generation of Australia, it was wrong with the Janissaries when young Christian boys were taken by the ottoman empire from their parents and put into military service, it was wrong with operation Pedro Pan when The CIA and Catholic priests worked together to spread propaganda that succeeded in orphaning thousands of Cuban children just to undermine Fidel Castro, and it is wrong today with France, for even most prison gangs wouldn’t stoop so low to go after children.

[ryder-126]

911 Lone Star Week

Day 6: Prompt- Anything goes

@911lonestarweek

This one doesn't have a title because there's simply no way to explain how far I ran with the concept of Anything Goes.

This is a crossover of 911 Lone Star, Prodigal Son, It, and Hereditary

The grey sky was perfectly appropriate for the mood of our group. The 13 of us dragged our feet through the parking lot, all unsure of what to do next. Nobody wanted to speak. If we spoke, it would make it real. "Tatum!" Everyone glared at me. I glared at Carlos, who was parked across the street at the Church.

"Tatum, why won't you just tell him to leave it alone," Mike groaned from the back of the group.

"J-j-just tell him-m about It," Bill agreed.

"What do you want me to do about it? Tell a TEXAS COP and an EX FBI PROFILER that a DEMON CLOWN beheaded our friend? Just overthrow the whole justice system in one sentence? If I could do that, I'd be the next great social justice hero." My friends all averted their eyes. "Look, none of us saw it happen. And none of the others have turned up like Charlie. It doesn't hurt to talk to them about this." I turned around with a huff, not wanting to have an argument at a funeral, and not caring who followed me, either. I heard footsteps behind me, but didn't stop to look who they belonged to until I reached the other side of the road. It was Desi, followed closely by Aubrey, with the others all slowly crossing the parking lot towards us. Carlos opened his arms for a hug, which I greatfully accepted.

"I'm sorry for the timing, but I need to talk to Peter. I thought you all should hear it, too." I nodded. "You remember Malcolm, right?" I nodded again to the profiler, who was leaning against the police car with Carlos.

"My girlfriend still wants you to take her rollerskating," he told me.

"Well, some other time."

"Oh, right. Yeah. Sorry."

"Peter's on his way over," Desi pointed out. Most of the group had crowded around the police car already, but Mike and Bill, along with Mike's cousin Marley and Mandy, my next door neighbor, had stayed in the parking lot by the cemetery. Peter had stopped to talk to them, but he was crossing the road now and igniting a cigarette.

"Since when does he smoke cigarettes?" I whispered to Desi, trying not to call attention to it. Desi had had a crush on Peter for a while, and being his sisters best friend she was also the closest to him.

"A while," she answered with a shrug.

"How are you doing?" Carlos asked Peter as he approached. Peter shrugged.

"What do you know?"

[diarrheaofthekeyboard]

Soliloquy of the Rational Brain

9.18.2020

I fell asleep with my kid Wednesday night at 8pm. So it only makes sense that I woke up at 3:15am when he tried to sleep on my leg and then couldn’t get back to sleep. By the time I got out for a walk at 6:30am, I had already watched too many YouTube videos, ate breakfast, and made coffee. I wanted to go outside earlier, but it was pitch black. So I guess 6:30am it is, because sunrise is only going to get later as autumn progresses. 

The super interesting thing about Thursday’s walk was I listened to rock again. One of the best jamband albums of the late 90s is Strangefolk’s “Weightless in Water”. It sparked a bunch of ideas which I typed out as I walked. And that became my previous post. After that record, I listened to Bob Marley’s “Exodus”, which I haven’t listened to since working in record stores during college. There’s been a lot pointing me towards reggae these days, specifically Charlie Hunter’s “Natty Dread” and Lo talking about reggae beats in GSW songs. 

The song that really got me thinking was “Who I Am”, which is sung by the bassist, Erik. It’s obvious this song is about an argument with a friend. What caught me is how any time I hear a song like this, I always internalize it about myself. I did this with “Guns & Sharp Swords” by Lo. I’m not singing about the woman he’s pining for. I’m not singing about a similar person I might have in my life. The song only makes sense about me. “Once, we were one and not two, and I gave up my soul for you.” 

The thing this entire blog, and my entire purpose in therapy is all about, is squashing my inner critic. Lately, I’ve been having a lot of regret. I should have become a history teacher. I should have stayed in this job or this band. I should have practiced more. I wouldn’t feel like I’m always starting over had I done that. And since starting over is exhausting, my loud inner critic is using that sense of dread against me, this time by showing me my age. 

My challenge here is showing myself the common threads including the sequence of events and choices I made that felt like common sense at the time. For instance, I left the power pop cover band and teaching guitar when our son was born. In hindsight, maybe I should have quit the original band. It was time to stop teaching. I don’t regret leaving. I miss teaching, but I don’t regret it. But my brain will hold up walking away from the music school and scream “LOOK AT THE FAILURE”. It’s not failure. The time to stop doing something was over. I taught for 15 years. It’s ok. 

This all comes as I’m seriously considering what I want to do next in life. I did not have a good end to my last job. Do I want to go back to the hustle? Do I want to do something completely different? I’m seriously considering the latter. Do I feel like I failed at my last job? Somewhat. But, I also feel like I seriously improved in the last 6 months and was over the hump. I understand why I was laid off and there’s no sense in rehashing at this point. 

My birthday is in a few weeks. I’ll be 43. Last July I freaked out at work when a deal fell through and spent August talking myself out of it. I was ok for a few weeks but the bottom fell out for my mental well being and I finally decided I needed to talk to someone a couple of weeks after my 42nd birthday in October. Since I couldn’t afford therapy out of pocket I picked an internist, was able to get a phone visit, and cried my eyes out in my car for 15 minutes. As a result, my profile says “major depressive disorder”. 

In that year, I’ve gone from having uncontrollable physical reactions to stress to being at least a tick calmer. As a result, I got more comfortable at work and started doing the work well before COVID. Having stopped manifesting at work, my “Inner Critic” as my now former therapist called it, started butting into my personal life. Not that it hadn’t before, but now the bad memories were more frequent. I used the techniques we talked about in therapy, and tried to “give it a seat at the table” instead of just yelling at myself. I got better at it this summer as I had no work and started writing this blog, also a therapist suggestion. 

This is to say I’m in a very different place mentally than I was last year. I do still consider myself to have major depressive disorder. Just because I’ve started addressing it, doesn’t mean I don’t have it. I’m not looking forward to starting over with another therapist. But this time, I’m talking politics out of the gate. If my last therapist couldn’t handle the BLM discussion, there’s no way she could have handled our next conversation, which would 100% be about RBG, her place in my wife’s world, and the political fallout we’re about to experience. Anyone who can’t handle it is getting cast aside.

[meg91596]

Grew Up Too Fast Chapter 5: Elena's Diagnosis

Scout:

Since my baby sister 3 year old Elena Renee Lincoln, has been in the hosptial it has been kind of like a responsiblity to make sure Luke and Charlie get their school work done and brought to the hospital after school. They are usually good for me but Luke however is upset that I don't spend much time with him anymore. He misses having fun with me and wants to have things the way they were before I became a teenager.

Today Elena went to a nerological clinic and a Celiac Disease Specialist because of her disorders in Boston Mass, and they are trying to figure out what is wrong with her. Since she was diagnosis with Celiac Disease our life has changed it has been a hard 2 months of going gluten free. I can't understand my sister could have such a illness. But what scares me is being across country while Allison could have Annalese anyday now. I know she's not really going to be our daughter but it would be nice if she was. Bailey is adopting her but it's under an open adoption, although Ally could still change her mind.

Atticus:

Being here in Boston reminds me of when I was a young child because I spent time here at Boston Children's hospital and honestly I never thought that I would be back except for sugeries of young children but never in my right mind did I think of my own child. Elena not only has Celiac Disease but she also has a nerological disorder that is preventing her from talking, and doing a lot of various things. In her Preschool we had to have an IEP for her. None of our 3 kids previously needed an IEP. Scout, Charlotte, and Luke are so bright that the schools can't keep bumping them up a grade. Heck if Scout gets bumped up another grade he would be graduated before the age of 19 when he really should be getting done with school. Elena's neurologist seems to think that she is on the Autisic spectrum. Amelia and I know that she is because she is showing all the signs of being autisic. We know that it is a tough road ahead but we love our daughter no matter what.

Luke:

I never really get a say in any of our family Vacations I didn't want to go to Boston because we have been going to Boston off an on since Elena started showing difficulties in learning. She maybe my little sister in all but I don't think She should be as special as she is. I was special at one point too but not as much as Scout, or Elena. That's all I here and poor Charlie and I get nothing. Well more of me I feel like the forgotten one. I really love my siblings, and my parents but sometimes I want the attention that Scout, Charlie, and Elena get just once in my life I want to feel special without it being my birthday or Christmas.

Amelia:

Having a child on the spectrum is never easy but when I'm a neurologist it is hard because I can't help my own child. Elena has not only Autism but Celiac Disease and trust me it is not a fun road to go down. We can't eat gluten anymore because Elena will eat it an land her in the hospital. Honestly this child has changed our lives around. With Scout, Charlie, and Luke our lives were perfect, we had the perfect kids, the perfect family but now it feels broken because Scout is about to be a father at 16 years old when in reality shouldn't be happening. Charlie is being picked on at school and is making it known at home causing some drama. Luke well he really doesn't do much he's a lot like his older brother.

Allison:

Having Scout across the country while I'm in labor is not what I pictured when I found out I was pregnant. This is just a complete disaster. We had discussed adoption or keeping the baby. I really want Scout to meet his daughter Marley Mae. Originally we had thought Annalese but it wasn’t a name that we really liked. When Scout retuned to Seattle Scout met Marley and we both agreed that she’s our daughter and nobody else’s daughter. We were a family of 3 well in separate houses that is.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Weekend Picks: 2/21-2/23

Big Head Todd and the Monsters

BY JORDAN MAINZER

There were no live picks for yesterday, but plenty for the weekend!

2/21: Objekt, Smartbar

Here’s what we wrote about Objekt’s Cocoon Crush when we named it our #6 album of 2018:

��An artist solidly known for his bold exploration of techno, Objekt now takes a plunge into a new kind of ethereal beauty on Cocoon Crush. A foray into ambient music, Objekt subverts a lot of what we have come to expect from him. The line between digital and analog is smeared. Tracks are ungrounded, punctuated still by percussion and synthesizers, but in patterns and textures that materialize in mysterious ways. And just as they appear, they stutter and morph in ways unexpected to the listener. The cold machinations of the dancefloor are still present; they are just stretched and masked in exciting and rewarding ways.”

Darwin and Flower Flood open.

2/21: Knuckle Puck, Beat Kitchen

We previewed Knuckle Puck’s set at Durty Nellie’s two years ago:

“Covering last year’s Riot Fest, I found Knuckle Puck the worst set of the festival, though I did remark that the band’s new, unreleased material had the crowd’s attention as much as their released material. As it turns out, the album versions of the songs are pretty good. Shapeshifter, released about a month later in October, was exemplary of what Knuckle Puck do best–write catchy songs with powerful melodies and hooks, enough to showcase the band’s more-than-capable instrumental prowess while avoiding the try-hard singing that plagues so many of today’s emo bands.”

Cleveland power poppers Heart Attack Man and Wilkes Barre hardcore band One Step Closer open.

Objekt; Photo by Kasia Zacharko

2/21: James McMurtry, Old Town School of Folk Music

We previewed James McMurtry’s show at FitzGerald’s two years ago:

“James McMurtry plays tonight as part of the 37th Annual American Music Festival at Fitzgerald’s, still touring strong off of Complicated Game (one of our favorite albums of 2015) like he was when it first came out. When we caught up with him last November, he said of new songs, 'I’ve jotted them down on my phone as I’ve gone along. That whole record was written on an iPhone3. Unfortunately, I dropped that phone, I don’t have the cool Notes app anymore.' Well, either he’s got a new phone or doesn’t need one, because late last year, he released 'State of the Union', a trademark jab at fascism and racism. It might not be as succinct as him telling us 'There never been a good Nazi a day on this earth dead or alive,' but at least there’s hope for more new material.”

2/21: Raphael Saadiq & Jamila Woods, Vic Theatre

Last year, Raphael Saadiq released his first album in 8 years (since the great Stone Rollin’). Jimmy Lee is named after, inspired by, and partially about his brother who died of heroin overdose after contracting HIV many years ago. As such, whether singing or inhabiting the character of his brother, Saadiq is at times uncharacteristically somber. He’s at the other end of a barrel of a gun on “Sinners Prayer”, reflecting on his wrongs, wondering whether it’s too late: “When a sinner is praying, God, will you hear it?” He wears a heavy burden on the funky, stomping “Something Keeps Calling Me”, the song’s wailing guitar solo in the bridge a mirror to his emotions. Saadiq calls out society, too, just as much as himself. “The people are mad,” he sings on “This World is Drunk”. The one-two punch of anti-mass incarceration jams “Rikers Island” and “Rikers Island Redux” presents the issue as simply as it should be put: “Too many n***as in Rikers Island / Why must it be / Set them free.” The former expresses its anger with upbeat piano and a simple refrain, the latter with spoken word over gentle guitar strums.

Best, though, are the reflections of grace that rise above the despair. On “I’m Feeling Love”, over a slower, more warbling funk, Saadiq, singing as his brother, is thankful for the little that he has. And on the skittering, rolling “Glory To The Veins”, he again distills his brother’s death to what matters: “I lost a brother to AIDS / Still, he laughed every day.” We’re lucky that as he gets older, reflecting on his life, and playing live reflecting on his career in Tony! Toni! Toné! and all the legendary artists like D’Angelo and Solange that he’s produced, Saadiq is willing to impart his wisdom.

Jamila Woods’ LEGACY! LEGACY! was one of our favorite albums of last year:

“Yes, Jamila Woods’ stunning LEGACY! LEGACY! is a tribute to important artists of color. What makes it stand out among other tributes, however, is the remarkable way Woods is able to present how each figure has guided her. Take opener 'BETTY', about funk artist Betty Davis, a woman married to a far more famous jazz trumpeter who gets his own song later on. Woods explores the gender and power dynamic in the relationship and uses it to make a personal and universal plea: 'Let me be, I’m trying to fly.' Fly, she does. On 'ZORA', over a hip hop beat, Woods succinctly declares in an all-time line, 'My weaponry is my energy', the drive and desire the catalyst in the noble goal to make her mark on the world as a black woman as opposed to while being a black woman. In various interviews surrounding the album release, Woods spoke about being inspired by black artists who perform and make art truly for themselves independent and often in spite of the race of the end consumers. 'Motherfuckers won’t shut up,' beings 'MUDDY', referencing Muddy Waters adoption of electric guitar because white audiences would talk over his sets; 'Shut up, motherfucker,' she sings inversely on 'MILES', 'I don’t take requests.' But the percussive, jazzy 'EARTHA' best encapsulates her aims of self-love and ultimate pride. 'I used to be afraid of myself,' Woods admits before stating, 'I don’t wanna compromise.' Ultimately, the refrain of, 'Who’s gonna share my love for me with me?' is the mindset by which Woods approaches relationships throughout the record and then life itself. You can be a part of it, but she comes first.”

DJ Duggz also opens.

2/21: The Wailers, SPACE

We previewed The Wailers’ set at Old Town School of Folk Music last year:

“Bob Marley might not be around, but his original band, containing many of the original members and their children, continues to play his songs. Seeing them in a venue as small as this is rare.”

Tonight at SPACE--an even smaller venue--they play two shows, an early and late one.

Joe Henry

2/22: Big Head Todd and the Monsters, Vic Theatre

We previewed Big Head Todd & The Monsters’ show at the Vic Theatre two years ago:

“The Colorado jam band that saw mainstream success in the 90′s is touring fresh off of last year’s heavy New World Arisin’. In 2016, as Big Head Blues Club (the band’s project with a wide array of blues legends like Cedric Burnside and Charlie Musselwhite), they released Way Down Inside. But for the full potential of Big Head Todd and the Monsters, go a few years back and try 2014′s Black Beehive, a rawer, more diverse blues record than you’d expect from the band who recorded 'Bittersweet'. What’s for sure is that live, they’ll lean heavily on the new material while not forgoing their more beloved classics.”

They haven’t released a new album since then but have released a new song every month as part of a series. They should play some of these live, including gospel piano ballad “Hard Times Come No More” and the funky, rollicking “Train of Storms”.

Nashville band Los Colognes open.

2/22: Todd Barry, Thalia Hall

We previewed Todd Barry’s sets at SPACE two years ago:

“So, this isn’t exactly music, but deadpan comedian Todd Barry is performing 2 stand-up sets in one night at SPACE. Commemorating his 30 years of being a comedian, he’s going on another crowd work-only tour like the one documented in his 2014 special Todd Barry: The Crowd Work Tour. From watching that and his most recent Netflix special Spicy Honey, Barry’s dry observational humor is effortlessly tailored to specific crowds and cities, making this one of the must-see comedy events of the year.”

Even if tonight isn’t crowd work-only, he should do some of his specialty.

Chicago-based stand-up comic Chelsea Hood opens.

Hot Snakes

2/22: Joe Henry, Old Town School of Folk Music

Since we last saw Joe Henry five years ago, he’s done quite a bit of production work and released two albums, 2017′s Thrum, and last year’s The Gospel According to Water. In between the two, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer; considering that, the latter takes on weight. It’s, first and foremost, raw, from the guitar playing on “Famine Walk” to the title track. But Gospel sports moments of beauty, too, as on the woodwind of “Mule” and rich vocal harmonies of “In Time For Tomorrow” and “The Fact of Love”.

Americana duo Birds of Chicago open.

Pissed Jeans; Photo by Ebru Yildiz

2/22: Tim and Eric, Chicago Theatre

Who knows what Tim and Eric will bring to their Chicago stop of their Mandatory Attendance tour, other than their purported "brand new spoofs, goofs and insanity” and “special surprises.” The last time I saw them, Dr. Steve Brule showed up and almost married Jan Skylar!

2/22: Hot Snakes, Pissed Jeans, & HIDE, Empty Bottle

Music Frozen Dancing is upon us again, with suggested donations benefiting the Chicago Coalition for the Homeless! Go and donate!

We last listened to Hot Snakes from the medical tent at September’s Riot Fest. Since then, they’ve released the first two of four seasonal 7-inch singles leading up to the next LP: the burner “Checkmate” and wonderfully plodding laziness anthem “I Shall Be Free”. (The latter’s 7-inch has “A Place in the Sun” as an exclusive.)

Hot Snakes also play Sunday night at the Bottle with an opening set from post punk band Pink Avalanche.

Allentown hardcore band Pissed Jeans haven’t released anything since 2017′s Why Love Now, but they’re thankfully back to warm your pants before Hot Snakes. Maybe they’ll have some new songs to play?

Local industrial duo HIDE (artist Heather Gabel and percussionist Seth Sher) released their second album last year, the raw, disgusting Hell is Here. The drum programming and screaming is just as cringingly visceral as the recorded sounds of vomit hitting a toilet that end opening track “Chainsaw”.

Synth band Crash Course in Science, arty The Hecks, and local punk band Hitter also open.

[mwelxn]

Last week, ex-Guns N' Roses guitar slinger IZZY STRADLIN' gave PAUL ELLIOTT exclusive details of exactly what went down with his shock departure from the former Most Dangerous Band in The World. In part two this week, Izzy previews his Stones-influenced upcoming debut solo LP 'Ju Ju Hounds', and reveals that yes, he DID almostjoin forces with this week's K!cover stars The Black Crowes!... By Paul Elliott Kerrang! Magazine - Sept. 1992 "...And that goes for all you punks in the press / That want to start shit by printin' lies / Instead of the things we said / That means you, Andy Secherat Hit Parader, Circus magazine, Mick Wall at Kerrang!, Bob Guccione Jr at Spin..." - 'Get In The Ring', Guns N' Roses Although Mick Wall no longer works for Kerrang!, Axl Rose's anger at the publication has not abated. Guns N' Roses' outspoken frontman routinely bitches about Kerrang! when the band play in London, Presumably, the root of the problem was a feature of Wall's on the Rock In Rio festival in which he accused GN'R of aloofness. Kerrang!gave Guns N' Roses their first British magazine cover in 1987, but Rose chooses to remember only one comment from one journalist. And that, it seems, is the bunker mentality behind the Guns N' Roses/Kerrang!/'Get In The Fucking Ring' feud. Former GN'R guitarist Izzy Stradlin' is equally bemused by it all. "I just write songs," he shrugs, grinning. "I honestly don't know what that was about or what was said. Axl was mad at Kerrang!, right? There were so many things that pissed him off..." It's said that Bob Guccione Jr, editor of US rock periodical Spin, was baited by Rose on 'Get In The Ring' simply because Spinprinted the contract which Guns N' Roses attempted to force on all journalists interviewing the band. The contract sought to censor the press. "I didn't even know about this contract," Izzy protests, "so when I heard Axl was mad about it, I was going, 'What?'! "If I were a journalist I'd probably just tell somebody to shove it up their ass too, cos I guess that'd be like somebody telling a musician how to write a song. "I wasn't aware that Mick Wall was one of the guys in that song. The only one I knew about was Guccione. I was sitting back in Indiana watching MTV and I saw that thing about Axl challenging him to go fight, and Bob said, 'Okay'. And I didn't hear anything else about it! "Axl's real critical of himself, and his anger seems to propel him in a lotta ways. That song 'Get In The Ring', I really love a lot of the lyrics just cos they're really aggressive. Axl played guitar on that track as well, that was the first time I saw him play electric guitar, and he did pretty well. I was digging it cos it was good punk energy. But with all the names at the end I was thinking, shit! I wouldn't have slagged people off on my record." - Izzy's Record, his first since quitting Guns N' Roses, is titled 'Ju Ju Hounds' and is as cool a rock 'n' roll record as anyone has made in the last 10 years. Like The Black Crows', Izzy's music is simple, intuitive, soulful. Both he and the Crowes have covered reggae standards, but where the latter play a lot of blues, Izzy's more of a punk. Axl calls 'Ju Ju Hounds' "Izzy's Keith Richards thing", which is as good a description as any. Izzy's LP has the same lazy charm as Keef's 'Talk Is Cheap'. "I read what Axl said," nods Izzy. "I think Keith Richards is great, but I don't think he has any songs that play as fast as 'Pressure Drop' (Izzy's souped-up cover of the Toots and The Maytals classic, also recorded by The Clash). I wish he would - It'd be great to hear him do that. "I called Keith last week; he was in the studio. I'm gonna try and hook up with him in New York sometime. There's a part of me that wants to take a tape of my record along and play it for him, and there's another part that's going, 'Fuck it, I'll just say hi and listen to his record'." Izzy's such a big Stones fan, there's still disbelief in his voice when he speaks of his friendship with Keef and fellow Stone Ron Wood, who guested on 'Ju Ju Hounds'. "We got together with Woody in LA. We did an old song of his called 'Take A Look At The Guy'." - A Stones CD plays as Izzy talks. The album is 'Black And Blue', one of the Stones' most laid back and most underrated works, featuring classic heartbreakers 'Fool To Cry' and 'Memory Motel'. plus the reggae number 'Cherry Oh Baby', covered by UB40. "I got into reggae partly through the Stones," says Izzy. "I guess it just bled over from stuff like 'Black And Blue' - it's killer. The thing I love about reggae is that it's not technical music where things are perfect; it's very freeform, just a groove. You can lay on a beach or a couch and just absorb it It slows down your heartbeat too, those drum beats and the slow pulse of the bass. It's like a tranquilizer. " 'Pressure Drop' is in this great movie called 'The Harder They Come', starring Jimmy Cliff as a ghetto kid who goes big time with guns; he shoots his way to the top. It's really cool. "There's an energy about 'Pressure Drop' that I love, the rock-steady rhythm. It's very loose, but at the same time it gets the point across." - Guesting on 'Pressure Drop' and on 'Can't Hear 'Em' (a reggae number of Stradlin's which features on the 'Pressure Drop' EP released this week, a month before the LP) is reggae star Mikey Dread, who worked with The Clash on their 'Sandinista' LP. Izzy met Mikey through bassist Jimmy 'Two Fingers' Ashhurst. "Jimmy saw Mikey play in Chicago and got hold of him the next morning. It turned out he was in the hotel right across the street from the studio we were using. We were just gonna do one song dub, but we ended up recording four songs with Mikey, for him. Jimmy and I played bass and guitar on them. Mikey did his rap thing on 'Can't Hear 'Em' and I think he sang some backups on 'Pressure Drop'. His guitar player did a reggae rhythm, real quiet, just a plunky, straight-through thing." Was Mikey surprised that a former member of GN'R loves and can play reggae? "I don't know but it was a trip working with those guys. Mikey had worked with The Clash before, so he must've been familiar with our style." So he didn't think that the way you speeded up 'Pressure Drop' was sacrilegious? Izzy smiles, "His first comment was, 'Y'know, man, this was a big hit in England'. I'm supposed to look him up when I get to New York. He's gonna take us to some place to get us some suits made - they do 'em overnight." - The whole of the 'Pressure Drop' EP has a raw feel evocative of Guns N' Roses' debut EP 'Live Like A Suicide'. 'Came Unglued' is as fast and lean as the obscure GN'R tune 'Shadow Of Your Love', while 'Been A Fix' has the hangdog vocals and fuck-off riff of late '70s Stones (it's also reminiscent of Aerosmith's 'I Wanna Know Why'). "Basically, I just wanted to get back to what really gets me off, just a basic rock 'n' roll band, a couple guitars, drums and bass. Simple. "The album's better, I would think, it's more mixed. The EP's just got three slammers on it, and a reggae song. The album's got a couple of acoustic songs, a coupla slammers, some basic rock tunes and one reggae song too. "The title of the LP came by accident in the studio. I was singing a backing track to something, and when I played it back it sounded like I said, 'Ju ju hound'. It doesn't mean much really." - Before Izzy began recording his album and EP, his name was linked with The Black Crowes, who at the time had not announced a replacement for Jeff Cease. So was he offered the gig? "I don't think so," Izzy shrugs. "When I left LA after I split from GN'R, I went on a road trip to New Orleans. From there I called my brother and he told me I'd got a fax from Rich in The Black Crowes. I had no idea their guitar player had split. "I stopped by Rich's home and he said, 'Maybe we should get together and write some songs'. I said, 'Let me take my stuff back to Indiana and get my house in order'. I love The Black Crowes, but because it was immediately after GN'R, I don't think I was ready to make any quick moves. I thought I'd just go and ride trials for a while. "I just wasn't interested in playing guitar at that time. I don't think I touched a guitar for about a month. I was getting off on riding, but, it got cold, Winter came, and I was sitting in a room with a guitar in the corner and it's like, 'C'mon, play me'! Once I started playing again I thought, this is the one thing that seems to make sense. "I started putting a band together in January. I was sitting in Indiana thinking, fuck, man, how do I find musicians? I couldn't just run an ad in the local trade paper. You wanna find somebody you can relate to, and the guys I got are all seasoned, proven. "I hooked up with Jimmy in LA. I'd known him for years, when he was in The Broken Homes. Once we'd got a drummer, Charlie Quintana, we'd recorded these basic tracks, so I asked Jimmy what Rick Richards from the Georgia Satellites was doing. Jimmy told me the Satellites broke up. This is how outta touch I am! "Rick's playing is so natural. I'll just throw out a coupla chords and he'll bounce stuff of it. He knows how to make it work." - Album and EP feature a number of guest musicians, including backing singers the Waters Sisters, who lift the chorus of 'Can't Hear 'Em' in much the same way that the I-Threes sweeten classic Bob Marley tracks like 'Could You Be Loved'. Barbara and Joy Richardson do likewise on The Black Crowes' 'The Southern Harmony And Musical Companion'. "The Water Sisters did 'Knockin' On Heaven's Door' for GN'R. Man, they can sing," Izzy adds with a smile, "but I can't see us going out on tour like that. I think we'll keep it real simple." Izzy's keeping everything simple these days. Guns N' Roses are no longer The Most Dangerous Band In The World, but they'll never be free of the controversy and all that bullshit. Stradlin' is, and he's happier for it. Simply, he's happy just to be back playing rock 'n' roll. It's all he ever wanted to do anyway.

[kiingdcmscome]

Promises - Part One

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own any canon characters in this fanfiction, I do claim ownership of the original characters featured and mentioned in this work. This is an au / alternate timeline fanfiction for the TNT drama Animal Kingdom and will feature characters and events from that show. ( This is a rewrite of promises part one, which i posted a few months ago. I went back and reread it, and absolutely hated it, so here we go, hopefully this is better ).  (gifs and photos are not mine unless stated otherwise. this gif belongs to the lovely @demctozdemir​ and can be found here ).

Summary: Marley Dossier is lost. Her mother has just been arrested, her dead beat father won't pick up the phone, and her grandmother wants nothing to do with her. Unsure of what else to do, she tracks down her childhood friend, J Cody. Little does she know, she's going right back into the world her mother fought so hard to keep her from, and the world that destroyed her family before it even started. | This fanfiction takes place six months after the death of nineteen year old J Cody's mother Julia. J and his best friend Marley have been reunited, though their reunion might bring more heartache than either can handle.

Content Warning: Mentions of Absentee parents, drug abuse, jail/prison, homelessness. | My main character Marley is in a wheelchair, please keep that in mind. 

Word Count: 1.5k

       The hot California sun beat down on me and my muscles throbbed in protest. He better fucking live here. The house was nice, which made me think I had the wrong place. Those suspicions were confirmed as I approached the front door. An older woman, probably in her sixties, came out the front door before I even had a chance to knock. Dressed in those obnoxious printed yoga pants with short blonde hair and oversized sunglasses she reminded me of one of those "cool" grandma's you saw on tv.

       "Can I help you?" She looked me over. Starting at my slightly worn sneakers to my braided hair. She barely stopped to take in the wheelchair, which honestly surprised me.

       "I'm sorry, I think I have the wrong place." Turning away, I didn't get far before a familiar voice brought my attention back.

       "Marley?" I turned to see him, a smile erupted over my face. It was so good to see him, especially since I hadn't seen a familiar (nevermind friendly) face in over a week.

       "Hey J..." He didn't look half as happy to see me as I was to see him.

       "What are you doing here?" His question confirmed it. He didn't want me here, and I couldn't help the confusion and hurt that worked its way into my chest.

       "Well, you stopped visiting, so I thought I'd come out here, see if you were still alive." I didn't want to tell him the real reason, not yet.

       "Uh, Smurf...This is Marley, she and I grew up together." He introduced me to the older woman, who'd taken a step closer to me. She reached out her hand, and I offered mine. She didn't shake it, instead, she just gave it a gentle squeeze and gave me a smile.

       "He's being modest. Our moms actually used to do smack together."

       "Marley, this is my grandmother. Smurf." Shit, I just insulted this woman's dead daughter. Instead of appearing insulted, she just nodded, her smile growing slightly before letting go of my hand.

       "You kids hungry? I'll go and make you two something to eat." Before either of us could answer, she disappeared into the house.

       "So did you really come all this way just to check on me?" He questioned once she was gone. I contemplated lying to him but realized there wasn't any use, he'd have seen right through it.

       "It's a long story, so I hope you've got time."

       "Credit card fraud? How did that even happen?" I'd just got done telling him all the gory details of my mom getting arrested and charged with credit card fraud. We were sitting in the backyard, his feet dangling in the pool. "And this all happened two months ago? Why didn't you call me?"

       "I tried. Your number was disconnected or something." I leaned back in my chair, looking him over for a moment. "She was dating this guy Jimmy, you know, the manager at the restaurant. He's a real piece of shit. He was running some fraud scheme and she got caught up in it." I wasn't defending my mom. She'd been stupid, but if Jimmy hadn't dragged her into his shit she'd have never been arrested. "Her lawyer's advising she take a plea deal."

       "And how much time is she looking at?" His question had an answer I didn't want to think about.

       "Five years. Minimum." I sighed, leaning forward. "I can't believe this shit. The relapse, now this."

       "Relapse?"

       "Oh. I didn't tell you about that." I took a deep breath, staring down at my hands. "Yeah, about five months back, less than a month after your mom died...I got a call from the hospital. She relapsed. Clean eight years and then that shit."

       "Why didn't you call me?"

       "Cause your mom just ODed and died. You had enough stuff to deal with." I finally glanced up at him. "Besides, we weren't really talking."

       "Where are you staying?" He asked, changing the subject, which I was grateful for.

       "I was staying with Claudia. But she kicked me out after realizing I wasn't going to be able to pay rent." Claudia, my grandmother (if one can even call her that) hadn't wanted me there in the first place. "Rita let me stay at her place, but her grandkids needed the room cause her daughter got evicted. I tried contacting Charlie-" My dead beat dad. "But he didn't even bother picking up the phone. So, this past week I've been at that shelter over on Granger."

       "Shelter?" He stared at me for a moment. I could almost see the gears in his brain working to solve my problems, something he'd done since we were kids. "What about your uncle Eddie?"

       "Eddie's in New Mexico or something. I haven't heard from him in weeks. But don't worry, I'll figure it out." I take his hand in mine, glancing down at his knuckles. Bruised, which wasn't anything new. "You can't fix all my problems J, and I not here because I need you to. I'm here because I've missed you, and I needed a familiar face."

       He didn't get a chance to answer before Smurf popped her head out the sliding glass door beside us. "You kids come inside, I've got lunch on the table."

       The house was nice. Way nicer than anywhere I've ever lived. Nicer than anywhere J's ever lived too. For as long as I could remember, J's lived in the shitty apartment above the one me and my mom lived in.

       "Thanks for the food, Mrs. Cody." I leaned back in my chair, popping the last potato chip on my plate into my mouth. I couldn't help but stare at the place. The kitchen and living room itself was almost as big as my apartment.

       "Call me Smurf." She sat down at the table beside me, and I gave her a smile. "And you're welcome." I glanced over at J, who seemed to be watching us closely. I furrowed my brow, and he just shook his head.

       "So, how long have you two know each other."

       "Almost twelve years." It was so weird to say out loud. "Me and my mom lived in the apartment below him and Julia."

       "And how long have you two been dating?"

       "We're not." J and I spoke in unison. He looked to each other, a small smile forming on both of our faces.

       "We're friends. Best friends." Thankfully, someone opened the sliding door, breaking the awkwardness.

       "You fucking asshole." I glanced behind me. Holy shit. The person I should have been thanking for breaking the awkward silence was...hot...And covered in bright orange and blue paint splatters. Dark hair, tattoos, facial hair. I probably should have checked to make sure I wasn't drooling.

       "Oh Craig, did your brother shoot you with the paintball gun again?" I didn't have to know Smurf well to detect the mock concern in her voice.

       The door opened again, and another guy, blonde, definitely shorter than the other one, and also covered in paint came inside. "Don't even think about crying to Smurf. You shot me first."

       "Twice. You literally emptied yours into my back." He turned around, revealing large red welts on his back.

       "Don't start shit you can't finish." At that comment, the taller one, Craig, grabbed the blonde around the neck, putting him into a chokehold.

       "Boys, enough. Can't you see we have a guest." They stopped, both looking down at me. The blonde just stared a moment, but the brunette managed to muster a small smile.

       "Who's this?" He asked, staring at me long enough that I could feel my face heating. Jesus, stop acting like you've never seen an attractive guy before.

       "I'm Marley, J's friend." I offered a small smile to both him and the blonde, but neither of them smiled back. Instead, the blonde when to the fridge, and the brunette continued to stare at me.

       "Jesus Craig, you look like you've never seen anyone in a wheelchair before," J commented. He's done in it the past, especially when we were in high school. Anyone who looked my way wrong heard it.

       The blonde snickered, and the brunette turned away from me, also heading towards the fridge. "What're you making for dinner?" He grabbed a beer, tossing the cap into the sink.

       "We're having salmon. Marley, are you staying for dinner?"

       "Actually I have to get back." I looked at J, "Do you think you could give me a ride? I'm pretty sure my arms are going to be spaghetti tomorrow from the way over here."

       "Do you still live in J's old building?" Smurf asked.

       "Actually no." I wondered exactly how much more I wanted to say in front of a bunch of strangers. "I'm actually in-between places right now. There's this...Home, I'm staying at that has a curfew."

       "Like a shelter?" She questioned, and before I could answer, "Why don't you stay here until your new place is ready?"

       "That's probably not a good idea," J answered before I could.

       "Of course it is. You don't want your friend staying in a shelter, do you?"

       "I don't want to be a bother."

       "Of course not. You're staying, end of discussion. I'll get the couch set up for you. Do you have anything you need to go get?"

       "No. All of my stuff is with one of my mom's friends." She got up, leaving the kitchen.

       "What just happened?" I asked, watching after her.

       "Smurf." J didn't seem happy, "Smurf happened."

[quitblow5-blog]

‘For artists, work ethic and intelligence are just as important as talent.’

Scroll through the blue-ticked Instagram accounts of most major-league US music executives, and you’ll tend to find the same old schtick: images of their artists playing career-boosting stages; flattering snaps of their newly decked-out office; a smattering of vacation/weekend shots accidentally-on-purpose showcasing that sleek second home in the Hills.

Mike Caren’s Insta feed, however, offers a little something more – a little something indicative of the inquisitive mind of the man himself. A swift perusal of Caren’s page throws up graphs, charts and textual provocations covering themes like ‘10 trends that will reshape the music industry’, how fast TV watching is declining amongst Millennials, the average ages of social media use in 2019, and the ‘share of ear’ that radio claims amongst US consumers over 13.

This all fits because Caren, as well as being obsessive about the A&R process, is also obsessive about media trends, and how consumption of everything from HBO to Fortnite and Instagram are munching into the daily music habits of today’s teenagers.

Such compulsive attention to detail is serving Caren’s businesses well. The Beverly Hills-raised exec founded Artist Publishing Group back in 2006, followed by the launch of Artist Partner Group in 2013. Warner Music Group and Atlantic Records, with whom Caren has worked for more than 20 years, injected a multi- million dollar investment into APG three years ago.

Since then, APG, which now employs more than 40 staff, has developed and broken stars including Bazzi, Charlie Puth, Kehlani, Kevin Gates and NBA Youngboy, as well as an electric array of songwriters such as Hitmaka, Yung Berg, Amy Allen and Madison Love.

Most recently, Los Angeles-based APG unleashed Ava Max, who hit No.1 in many territories this year including the UK, Sweden, and Germany with international smash “Sweet But Psycho”.

Caren began his career aged 17 with Atlantic Records, and later served as Co-President – alongside John Janick – of the relaunched Elektra Records (Bruno Mars, Ed Sheeran, Cee Lo Green) between 2009 and 2012.

MBUSA recently sat down with Caren within APG’s Fairfax studio complex to ask him all about his A&R philosophy, and where he sees the future of multimedia going in the next few years…

Tell us a truism about the music industry.

So much of what moves the needle in this business is just about listening – really listening. When a label or publishing exec has a 60 minute meeting with a producer or songwriter, once you’ve caught up with each other, you’re already 30 minutes into it, and only then do you start listening to music.

That leaves you 25 minutes to listen, and consider eight to 10 ideas. Then the meeting is over – and you haven’t even cracked the surface. If you’d allowed for 90 minutes of music, you would probably have found something really special.

So for that last 20 minutes, I might ask you to [hand over] everything you haven’t played me – whether you think I might or might not like it. Then I’m actually going to listen to it all and hear the stuff that other people don’t get to.

You employ more than 40 people at APG, and you’re expanding. Can you actively keep the roster here capped at certain size?

Yes. We started in the publishing world, where I felt that one A&R executive couldn’t really have a high impact on every one of their writers unless they were limited to approximately 10 writers.

I noticed that at most of the major publishing companies, when I talked to executives, their personal roster would be over 50 writers. I found it hard to believe that they would be able to deliver something significant for every writer with that roster size. Records is about a smaller amount of artists, but it’s also about building teams.

People with different perspectives, different skill sets all working together, learning from each other and bringing different things to the table. I work with people that have so much passion and intelligence and determination. This company is a sum of those parts. There’s 40 people here that have the impact of 150.

What would you say is the defining A&R philosophy of APG?

We believe that work ethic and intelligence are just as important as talent. A smart and hardworking creative will keep improving whereas someone without that work ethic or vision might creatively just tread water, or even decline in their quality.

“We work with [talent] for days, weeks or even months before we sign a deal.”

The biggest thing is getting to know writers and artists personally. We work with them for days, weeks or even months before we sign a deal. We will often lose a deal because somebody – after working with APG – is rushed elsewhere in the industry by a bidding war or whatever. And if that happens, it’s okay. It wasn’t meant to be.

Why is getting to know artists properly so important to you?

Ideally, you want to enter a relationship that’s a decade or decades- long. You can marry the first person you kiss, but I think it’s better to go on more dates and ask a lot of questions to see if your vision of the future is aligned. When you have tough conversations upfront, it leads to better conversations for years to come.

Give us an example of a tough conversation with an artist.

Those conversations revolve around expectations, timeline, patience, vision. I love artists that have huge goals and who know several moves they want to make to get there – who aren’t expecting to make it all in one single play. I love songwriters turning into artists too, because they’ve had this passenger seat in other artists’ careers to which they’ve contributed. The writer-turned-artist has seen other artists making tough decisions, and what the results were, which helps them avoid their own mistakes and pitfalls.

“If you just try to protect artists from making those mistakes, it doesn’t help, because when they become very successful, they will ultimately take all the big decisions; your job is to prepare them to make great ones.”

APG is the best at amplifying, investing in and turbo-charging artists who have a lot of ideas. And the best ideas always come from artists. It’s always better to let an artist make a mistake, because when a smart artist makes a mistake, they learn from it. If you just try to protect artists from making those mistakes, it doesn’t help, because when they become very successful, they will ultimately take all the big decisions; your job is to prepare them to make great ones. You can’t shelter talent early on, then expect people to act like an experienced artists when they’re successful.

How do you feel about the number of songwriters behind the majority of hits today?

The other day somebody sent me a video with Bob Marley, One Love and said, ‘What an incredible song and songwriter.’ I said, ‘Yeah, Curtis Mayfield was a fricking genius.’ They said, ‘Are you kidding? That song was written by Bob Marley!’ It’s a co-write. Curtis Mayfield and Bob Marley. And if Bob Marley can co-write, anyone can co-write.

One defining modern A&R trend is that of collaboration. Two people from largely different genres cross-pollinating fan bases. What do you make of that trend, and does it ever concern you?

I saw an exhibit of Picasso and Matisse years ago. They were friends and they did interpretive pieces of each other’s work. Their artistry was so clear when they did so. Anything that allows someone to demonstrate creativity and originality is an amazing vehicle – but the song [has to be] organic and creative.

Why did you started APG in the first place?

First, I had been working as an A&R person at Atlantic for 10 years. Having been in one company for so long, I wanted a different experience and I wanted an entrepreneurial experience.

I built a lot of trust at Atlantic, so they allowed me to create a partnership venture with them. But I operated it independently, and I love to experiment. Every session is an experiment; every marketing idea is an experiment; every day here is about experimentation.

“I had this philosophy, this is 15 years ago, that songwriters and producers are artists in their own right.”

And second, I had this philosophy, this is 15 years ago, that songwriters and producers are artists in their own right – and that a publisher could publish their songs and get them paid, but could also treat them as an artist and A&R them in that way, providing the introductions, the insights, and the resources that labels provide to artists.

It was a learning process because I didn’t know about publishing, and I didn’t have the budget to chase hits, so we had to be bold.

Why is so much A&R focused entirely on the new – the thrill of ‘breaking’ something?

Out of anything in this business, I get the most satisfaction from seeing other people with their first big successes: their first hit song; their first platinum record; their first sold out tour; their first song on the radio.

Every time a new artist, a new writer has an experience like that, it’s contagious. To me, that’s more powerful than congratulating someone on their fifth of sixth platinum album. It’s an honor to make music – it’s exciting and it’s an adventure.

I’m really proud of the artists and writers that have been successful, but I’m just as proud of the executives. That goes for the team here, but also people that have previously worked or interned here and moved on. I root for their success.

“Every time a new artist, a new writer has an experience like that, it’s contagious.”

Right now, I’m in awe of A&R moves from Miles Beard (pictured), Jeff Vaughn, Tizita Makuria, Eli Picarretta, Edgar Machuca, Matt MacFarlane, Lisa Mottahedeh, David Phung, and Dan Snyder, all of whom landed their first A&R roles here – several starting as interns or assistants – and all of whom have signed Gold or Platinum artists or writers, or had hits this year.

But I’m also thrilled to see fast career growth and broadening responsibility from vets that joined us such as Elyse Rogers, Angie Pagano, Mike Mathewson, Olly Sheppard, Jessica Kelm, and the list can go on. Fifteen years in, I look around and see our team members thriving, and people who’ve cut their teeth with us at pretty much every label, from A&R Executive to Chairman.

APG takes a white label approach with its artists – your brand is kept on the sidelines. Why?

We’re too broad to create a single, forward-facing brand. The great labels that I love had, and continue to have today, sonic consistency. They had a cultural voice and a specific niche, with a sound or a through line.

I lean in to creative people; we’re not going to not sign an artist just because they don’t fit in with other artists on our roster, or not work with an executive because they’re a certain type. There are no rules and no limitations to who APG works with. We just want to work with people for whom we can deliver more than anyone else out there.

Also, I love our entrepreneurial artists and I don’t want to take away from their opportunity to build their brand – both their artist brand and their company brand. I love it when an artist’s dreams include everything from festivals to clothing to charitable organizations. If I can help build an artist’s brand, it’s one more resource that we’re providing that I don’t think many others offer.

What makes a good artist manager?

One, they have to have enough experience to know that everything changes every year. Two, they have to listen to their artist but also speak the truth to them. And, of course, work ethic and intelligence are so important – especially the work ethic, because managers have to provide an example for their artist. Great managers are also great communicators; people who bring people together.

“there’s this ‘Napster Gap’, as I call it, 2002 to 2014, where only a few people invested into the business, and only a few people got hired – so there was not as much opportunity for mentorship for a lot of people versus what had come before.”

It’s a weird time for the music business because there’s so much opportunity now. But there’s also this ‘Napster Gap’, as I call it, 2002 to 2014, where only a few people invested into the business, and only a few people got hired – so there was not as much opportunity for mentorship for a lot of people versus what had come before. There are some incredible managers out there who are just so smart, and had to learn the game on their own.

The head of Netflix, Reed Hastings, said earlier this year that Fortnite was a bigger competitor to his company than traditional rivals like HBO. What do you make of the idea that other media is stealing attention from artists and music?

It’s something I think about a lot. I heard about something recently that said that Americans have over 11 hours a day of media consumption because of how much multitasking they do – like how they will play video games while listening to music. Their consumption is literally doubling.

I see incredible opportunity there, because if you work in the music business and you’ve never played Fortnite, you’re going to fall a few steps behind.

“If you work in the music business and you’ve never played Fortnite, you’re going to fall a few steps behind.”

How Fortnite makes its money is worth thinking about: the short windows of items being for sale; the opening for other platforms [as the game can be played across different devices]; the live events; how [Epic Games] updates and changes the game’s dynamic to keep things so exciting. There are so many amazing things to learn from it.

As far as competing in media, there’s going to be huge L.A. production competition. You have Netflix, Apple, Amazon, Hulu, Spotify and a bunch of other companies with endless amounts of money going to go into content production. It’s going to mean a whole new competition for creative talent, and it will be interesting. It could be incredible for talent – and it will definitely fortify L.A. as the creative capital of the world.

How do you counter that with the value of labels?

There’s no one-size-fits-all, right? Some people love business. Some people love managing people and administration. Some people love to be creative. Some people can do all of those things together. And there are some people who are just true artists who want to color outside the lines and break rules. They don’t want any of the administrative burden. They don’t want to reconcile tours, or deal with Social Security or 401ks, you know?

Some of that’s to do with different points in your life. You may be young; you may want to have fun and be creative and break the rules and not deal with turnover and all of these things. And later in your life, you may want to be more stationary and operate a company and a business. People just need to know what things entail.

“Staying independent is probably the right thing for a lot of artists and it’s probably the wrong thing for a lot of artists.”

There are an increasing number of artist managers who now say that running an independent operation for an artist isn’t ‘management’ – it’s a business partnership, so it shouldn’t be 15 or 20% commission, it should be 50% across everything, including touring. And that all depends on how much of an artist’s business is just music – whether they need a manager who’s just doing music, or managing several businesses.

Staying independent is probably the right thing for a lot of artists and it’s probably the wrong thing for a lot of artists. It all has to do with individual ambition, and how you actually want your 16 to 20 waking hours to be spent.

In an age awash with A&R data, how do you feel about the reduction in signings based purely on based on gut instinct?

I love data… partly because so much of the major label business is focused on it, which leaves all this open territory for us. But, also, I will say data can definitely show more than just momentum, it can reveal a pool of artists who didn’t wait for anyone to move their career forward, who got out of bed every day and worked hard to move the needle.

Somebody can tell me they’re going to work hard all day long, but an artist that had no resources that went out and built some fans? That’s someone you know wants it. I’ll never discount that, as work ethic is so essential.

Where do you get your work ethic from?

My mom’s creative. My dad’s organized. I love this job – this isn’t work, look how soft my hands are! The worst part of my job is sitting waiting for someone to show up who’s late. That’s it! And nowadays, I can always fill those hours by listening to music anyway.

I’m very sure you could have capably run an established major label group. Contemporaries like John Janick are doing it…

He’s awesome.

Why did you choose to build something from scratch, rather than run a big frontline label during this period of your career?

I don’t think anyone ever offered me a job that had the freedom that I now enjoy as an entrepreneur. As an industry, we need to empower people and trust them. There’s always a lot of oversight and structure in majors – and it’s probably needed. But now, we’re facing an ever-evolving future, we have to experiment and to do R&D.

“Change is inevitable. Change is good. But you have to try things in order to figure out what works with change.”

Change is inevitable. Change is good. But you have to try things in order to figure out what works with change. It’s inevitable that artists are going to change the way they make music and market music – and anyone who clings on to the past will get left behind. I love nostalgia like anyone else; we can still tell great stories of the good old days, but we have to be open to try new things all the time.

Let’s talk about the future, then. What are you excited about?

We are a very de-centralized company; I’m trying my absolute best to build the most entrepreneurial organization possible. I want everyone here to think like entrepreneurs, and to make decisions. I choose to run this company differently from, say, the way the legendary Clive Davis ran Arista. He’s incredible, but I hear he personally approved every piece of art and every mix.

Again, just like the artists here, everyone should be making decisions, seeing the results and learning from them. I want every executive I work with to feel that their career grew twice as fast in this organization than it did anywhere else.

What’s going to change at APG over the next five years?

We’re trying to reorganize the entire approach to being a global company. Many major labels don’t seem like singular global companies; they’re a bunch of companies, around the world, that license to each other. Spotify is a global company; they have editors in different offices, but they are a global company.

That’s something we’re a couple of steps ahead on and I don’t think it will take five years. I think it will happen way before then.

The above interview originally appeared in Music Business USA – MBW’s new annual magazine featuring some of the smartest people, with the best stories, in the Stateside music industry.

Subscribe to MBW’s premium bundle to ensure you never miss one our physical magazines in future. Click through here to find out how.Music Business Worldwide

Source: https://www.musicbusinessworldwide.com/for-artists-work-ethic-and-intelligence-are-just-as-important-as-talent/

[ghoulishboyhummel]

worth a shot || self para

WHO: Aaron Hummel talking to Elizabeth Hummel’s tombstone. Mentions of Burt Hummel, Kurt Hummel ( @gleedalekurt ), Marley Rose ( @marleyrosens ), Blaine Anderson ( @northsideblaine ), and Sebastian Smythe ( @northsidesmythe ). Minor mentions of Charlotte Rose ( @serpentchar ), Alejandro Hart ( @hartdalemd ), Benji Karofsky ( @benjikarofsky ), and Franco Del Rio ( @southsidefranco )

WHEN: Tuesday, May 28

WHERE: Riverdale Cemetery

TRIGGERS: None, I think. 

WARNINGS: Guys, Aaron cries and only swears once. It’s a big deal.

Aaron needed someone to talk to about...everything, but he needed someone completely detached from all of this and won’t get hung up on his feelings or anything.

So he drove to the cemetery and walked to his mother’s grave.

He hadn’t visited since the funeral, always too worried about what would happen in his head if he saw the tombstone with her name on it. But there were no other options and as they say, no time like the present. When he came upon the grave, he sat down in front of it, knowing he was probably going to be here for a bit.

“Hey, mom. It’s Aaron.” He started, laughing to himself when he thought about how ridiculous this whole idea was, but he stayed. “I don’t believe in any religious shi-stuff,” he doesn’t know why he corrected his language, Elizabeth can’t care how he speaks, but he did “But I can kind of get behind ghosts so I guess that’ll be my excuse for talking here.”

This was weird, but also strangely right, to do. Talk to his mom like she was really here and standing in front of him instead of six feet under.

“I’m 21, turning 22 this year. That’s cool, right? You haven’t seen me since I was 8...I’m sorry I never visited after the funeral. Even after I ran away and had full choice of my life, I chose to stay away from your grave.”

Aaron tapped his finger against his leg, “A lot has happened, mom. I know you only knew me for a year, but you were the best mother I could ask for and then you were just gone. I couldn’t get your pancakes on Saturdays anymore, I couldn’t make you sit through my dumb little videos anymore, everything changed with us when you died.” He took a steady breath while his mind drifted to the arguments he had with Burt, to running away, to everything that could have been avoided if she didn’t die. “Dad and I don’t get along, really at all now. He tried to pin attempted murder on me, can you believe that?” He paused to laugh, albeit, a little reluctantly, “But now he’s been arrested for being the town serial killer so, I guess that’s karma.”

“Kurt and I are working on it. After I ran away, I tried to pretend like I hated him. I joined the Ghoulies, you know, like the Serpents but with a cooler logo and a little more dangerous.” That time, Aaron actually did laugh, “But after some crazy fu-after some crazy stuff happened, we decided to give the brothers thing a shot again. We even live together. At least, we’ll go back to living together once I’m fully sober and done with withdrawal. I won’t lie, mom, I’ve had some pretty bad alcohol problems in the recent past. But I’m getting better now, Marley’s been a big help.”

His hands started doing their own thing to distract himself. “You remember the Rose’s, right? Charlie and Marley, twins a year older than me. Charlie and I are friends, she even joined one of the gangs after a whole bunch of things happened. Not the Ghoulies, unfortunately, but I guess the Serpents are okay to join for her. But Marley...I really like her. And she likes me too, I know because she told me ages ago. I’ve only known about my feelings for a couple of weeks. But I haven’t told her.” Even though he knew it was ridiculous, saying it out loud was worse.

“I’m sure it sounds dumb, but there are so many complications so I have a very good reason for not telling her. You know Blaine? He told her he loves her, like actually loves her, and kissed her. Then he kissed me a bit ago. And I don’t even know how to be a good person, let alone a good boyfriend. So, maybe I should just wait and let Marley fall for Blaine instead, or just let her feelings for me die out entirely.” That also sounded dumb, because there was no telling when his own feelings would die out. It took a long time for his crush on Jackson to go away.

“If you really can watch over me or whatever, then you probably already knew some of that. And I’m sorry for everything you’ve seen me do; running away, calling the cops on myself, being an alcoholic, breaking into the Hayward’s office, though I had legitimate reasons for that, and for being a dealer and gang leader.” Aaron felt some tears roll down his cheeks and he quickly wiped them away. “I’m sure I haven’t turned out the way you thought I would when you adopted me. But I’m not awful, right? I’m not a sociopath like that Benji kid thinks I am? I’m pretty sure I’m not, sociopaths don’t feel remorse or guilt for the things they do, and I do feel bad for everything I did to him and Franco. Having sex with Franco while they’re together was wrong, taking so long to apologize probably wasn’t the best move either. That means something, doesn’t it?”

He was silent for a bit, almost like he was waiting for a response, some assurance that he wasn’t a bad person. But obviously no response came.

“I miss you. I really miss you, mom. It’s not fair that I only got a year with you, I can’t help but think I wouldn’t be so...messed up, if you were still here. I’d probably be a lot nicer, I probably wouldn’t get into fights, definitely wouldn’t be a drug dealer, who knows? I might have even left town by now to take my filming elsewhere. But none of that happened. You died, and dad and I kept arguing, and I ran away.” This time, Aaron didn’t bother trying to wipe away the tears that were falling. “Sebastian, I’m kind of friends with him now, can you believe that?” He shook his head and continued, “Anyways, Sebastian told me that he always kind of wondered what it was like to have a mom that cared for her kids. Obviously being my sad orphan self, I could definitely relate. I guess I still do relate. Considering I don’t still have a mom that cared for her kids, I don’t...I don’t have a mom at all now.” He breathed, trying to keep his voice steady, though it was really hard to do so.

“I don’t blame you, obviously. Not your fault you died. I don’t even blame dad, though looking back, I’m sure I may have made it seem like that. I don’t think I can blame anyone. Death happens, that’s life. It sucks, you get over it, you move on. But I don’t think I’ve ever really “moved on” from anything.” He leaned back a bit in his criss-cross positioning, “I’m still really pissed at my birth parents for just leaving me. I’m pissed at this screwed up world for taking you away from us, I’m pissed at dad for...everything he’s done since becoming Sheriff. But most of all, I think I’m pissed at myself. I keep letting things affect me, I keep lying, I definitely have issues. What’s the line between outside circumstance and just me not trying hard enough to be a better person? Have I crossed it? Is it too late for me to try to be a better person?”

Now, he was kind of regretting doing this. The silence after his last couple of questions was deafening. “I suggested that Kurt should come here and talk to you, so if he hasn’t yet, I’m not trying to take away his big news when I mention that I don’t know how I feel about him being engaged.” Aaron let out a sigh, “I’m happy for him, obviously. He’s my older brother and I’m glad that Ale makes him happy. But I just wish he’d tell me for sure what his plans were. If he doesn’t want to live with me anymore and would rather live with Ale, I’m fine with that. Really. It’d be better for him to stay on the Northside with his great fiancé and do what he needs to do instead of kicking it back on the Southside with me. But it seems like everyone’s been so worried about if I’m going to have a breakdown or something if he leaves and I think that’s why he hasn’t told me for sure yet. If he wants to live with me still, awesome, if he doesn’t, that’s great too. I just want him to be happy.”

Aaron tilted his head to the side a little, “I don’t want people worrying about me. I get it, I went back to drinking and clearly I’m more upset about dad being arrested than I tell people but I’m fine now. Marley isn’t talking to me because I got mad and punched her dad, but I’m fine. It sucks that despite leading an entire gang now and having all these people who say they care about me, this is the loneliest I’ve felt in a while, but I’m fucking fine.” He knew that it was a lie, especially since it’s like a swearing filter had been turned on while here and he just said ‘fucking’, and after sighing again, he decided to tell the truth. Not like it matters here, right? “I’m not fine. This is all so messed up and I should be glad that I even have people that care about me despite the awful things I’ve done. I’m lucky Kurt’s given me so many chances, I’m lucky Marley isn’t going to be upset with me forever, I’m lucky I have so many amazing people in my life. I just don’t know why that isn’t enough for me yet, why I feel lonely and so self deprecating that it actually hurts sometimes when I have people telling me that I’m a good person.”

Checking the time, he sees that he’s been here for a little over an hour. Just crying and talking to his mother’s grave. 

“I should go. Don’t want people worrying about where I am and all, they might think I’ve gone to a bar or something.” He moved to stand up and wiped away his tears. “I love you, mom. I don’t think that’s ever going to stop. And as much as I hate crying and talking about how I feel, this was nice. Maybe I’ll come visit more. And bring flowers, people do that, right?” Aaron pushed some of his hair back, “Okay, I’m gonna go. Bye, mom. Hope you’re having more fun than I am.”

[radramblog]

Some escalating Spotify playlists

Last night, in a discord call, it was mentioned that a friend of mine got distracted and made a silly themed spotify playlist. This is incredibly relatable, I’ve been there, and in fact pretty much as soon as I heard about this I did the same.

ADHD gang, I suppose. But what’s the value in doing silly shit if you cannot then produce content about it?

…That’s what this is I’m producing content about it.

The playlist my dear friend Hannah put together is themed around numbers- specifically, it’s counting up from one to thirty-two using song titles- the first one is Daft Punk’s One More Time, then Two Shoes, then Three Little Birds by Bob Marley, you get the idea. It turns out, a lot of artists make songs with numbers in the title! Especially for the lower ones.

Apparently as well, numbers in the high teens-low 20s were particularly easy, and I think a lot of that is a result of artists reminiscing about their youth, and the like. The one that always comes to mind is, regrettably, Taylor Swift’s 22, but I’m more than certain that others exist- 22 days by Roy Orbison or Catch 22 by Illy feat. Anne-Marie (I immediately recognized this when I heard it, but I wouldn’t have known the track if you named it).

Difficulty is an odd thing to talk about when it comes to something as simple as this, but there is a couple axes on which you can find it. For one, assuming you stick exactly to Spotify, there’s the struggle of dealing with its lack of any form of Advanced Search feature, meaning it’s not hard for things to get clogged up- if you’re doing song names and not album names, for example, you’re going to search 21 and get a lot of songs by Twenty One Pilots. I got them a bunch of times when I searched 22, in fact.

As well, there’s potential difficulty in making an actual listenable playlist out of something like this- taking it a bit more seriously than the joke it arguably kind of is. As the numbers go up, your options get more and more limited, and you might be left with only one song at some point, and it sucks. This leads into the last difficulty point, which is- how far can you go? Which is what I’m going to set out to prove later- Hannah’s playlist ends at 32, likely because she actually got back to what she should be doing, but unfortunately for me, this is what I should be doing.

A couple comments before I go off and challenge this numerical song ladder, I suppose.

The first is- I mentioned making a playlist as soon as I heard about Hannah’s one. That one was based on the NATO Phonetic Alphabet rather than numbers, and since said alphabet is, well, words, a lot of the song titles were just That Word. I still managed to get a fair few bands and songs I really like in there- Hotel California is an obvious one, we got Delta by C2C and Echoes by Pink Floyd, and even the Pist Idiots got a word in with Juliette. The most difficult words, surprisingly, were Mike and Yankee. Mike was a challenge because just about all of them were either songs by a Mike (e.g. Mike Posner) or featuring a Mike (e.g. Mike Shinoda, which I was tempted by), to the point where I had to get to song number 406 in the search- Mike Teavee’s theme from the 2000s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory adaptation. Yankee was similarly tough- Daddy Yankee features on Despacito, and there are like a million separate uploads of that track, but the real difficulty was in my refusal to use the American children’s song Yankee Doodle Boy/Dandy, because American patriotism is cringe.

The other point I want to bring up is that I’ve seen a lot of memes running around regarding spotify playlists, and they’re a lot of fun. People writing sentences or scripting memes out of long lists of song titles, and it’s kind of hilarious to see how far people will go. The phrase “Restriction breeds creativity” comes to mind. I also think a part of liking these memes is just recognizing when they put in a song you like, like I saw Let’s Go by Stuck in the Sound in one of them and it was just like, fuck yeah mate.

Anyway, I’m now going to break from writing this to go do my own version of Hannah’s list and see what the similarities end up being. She had a rule that you can’t use a song that has more than one number in the title, so R.I.P. Four out of Five by Arctic Monkeys (or Forty Six and 2 by Tool). I’m not going to discount it if it’s like, Remastered 2010 version or whatever though.

[INTERMISSION]

Okay, well I wasn’t quite expecting to get all the way up to 10,000 Days by Tool (or Ten Thousand Fists by Disturbed), but I also didn’t quite expect it to be this simple to just…keep going. To be clear, I got up to 100 (then added 101 because it turns out there’s a Veronicas song with that name), and only really stopped because…I have other things to do today and can’t spend all night writing this.

I’m sure the point where you fail this theoretical game is somewhere in the hundreds, but I haven’t found it yet. Might keep going again when I’m bored; we shall see.

A few notes on comparison between mine and Hannah’s lists. There’s some overlap- Bowie’s Five Years, Panic! At the Disco’s Nine in the Afternoon, and 20 Good Reasons by Thirsty Merc, also 29 and 30 are the same. I think on her list at some point she switched from searching the words written out to the digits, which as it turns out makes a huge difference in what comes up. Whatever search algorithm the program uses, it very clearly delineates between the two(2), until you start getting to the later numbers where there’s less to choose from.

As well, I’ve noticed the Spotify algorithm, seeing as we can’t advanced search, clearly picks songs it thinks you’ll want to hear, or ones it thinks you’ll like, favouring artists you know or similar. For example, I had a more difficult time finding a song for 12 because the app kept putting Twelve Foot Ninja in my face. And, I love those guys, but come on now.

The most difficult section, going from one to one hundred, was around the 50s to 60s. And the reason I could tell this is where things start getting wonky is because this is where some really odd stuff starts popping up. Aside from a few albums that are just like “deep sleep ambient music” and go up to like part 100 or something, there are some real artistic choices on display here. Arch Stanton, an album by a band named Karma to Burn, has all its tracked labelled with numbers from 53 to 59, and also 23 for some reason- these are in no particular order. As well, I found an album called “Sixty Four 32 2nd songs 16 Bit Eight by 8 Pop an Experimental Concept Album Part 2 With Bonus Tracks” by one Justin Sleep, which presumably along with its part one is just a list of numbered tracks like “Thirty Three trees” and “Sixty Persons”. For each of these albums, I used just one track. It actually ended up a lot easier once I got to the 80s and 90s- my guess is that this is when people start naming songs after the years they were born in, or ones where significant events happened (to them or in general)

I also tried to avoid repeating artists where possible, though surely at some point I will have lost track. The only time I deliberately did it was with the B52s, who have a song named 52 Girls and one named 53 Miles West of Venus, and I couldn’t not pick that second one, come on now. The only other real notable thing I can think to bring up is that Sixtyten by Boards of Canada kept coming up, much to my chagrin- great song but it’s not eligible here. I was tempted to use it for 70 to put a little French spin on it, but decided against it. I did use another song by them, Sixtyniner, because I can say with almost certain clarity despite not having checked that it’s going to be like the only song on the list not about the year or the sex position. Hey, if I get up there, they also have a track called 1969!

Anyway. I don’t know how listenable this playlist is, but part of my criteria was that the song didn’t sound like complete ass when I listened to little snippets of it. It’s probably fine. This entire exercise is and always has been largely pointless, but if you can’t do things like this every so often, I’m convinced you’ll go mad. I surely would.

My two playlists, Not Alphabetical Things Only and Sequential Escalation, are (here) and (here). Maybe give them a listen? I’m not sure if I will, but there’s a lot of variety there.

You can find Hannah’s “1, 2, Skip a Few” playlist (here), and you should definitely check out her actual music that she makes (here). Though if I’m honest, I think most of the people reading this already have.

[leigh-kelly]

Great! What about a 187?

A continuation of this.

Much to both Brittany and Santana’s dismay, they don’t get to see each other for the rest of the summer. Between Santana’s job and Brittany’s annual family trip to New Mexico, everything is hectic, and try as they might, they just can’t make it happen. So when the end of August comes around and it’s time to go back to school, Santana is beside herself thinking about getting to kiss her girlfriend again. As much as she normally would look forward to summer ending and going back to school, this time, it’s amplified, and she’s bouncy as she helps her dad load up the car to drive her back to school. In just a few short hours, she’s going to see Brittany. In a few short hours, they’ll be living together, and the excitement is almost too much to bear.

It’s always strange for Santana when her parents do things together, but since her dad has two days off of work, he volunteered to help her move, and she couldn’t just brush off her mom. So the three of them are driving to New York together, and then her parents will stay in separate hotel rooms before driving back alone together. A younger Santana would have wished for them to be reunited on a trip like that, but now that she’s older, she knows that’s never going to happen. She knows they just make things work as best as they can for her sake, and she’s immensely grateful for it.

The car ride is mostly quiet, with Santana trying to carry the conversation, and she’s relieved when they get into the city. She wonders if Brittany is there yet, she wonders if she has the sheets and the memory foam and all of the things she got to make up their bed. She’s still a little shocked that this is happening, and if she’s being honest, slightly freaked out. She feels like she’s so young to be moving in with her girlfriend, but at the same time, it feels utterly, utterly right. She can’t imagine another year with a roommate who she has nothing in common with, she can’t imagine another year of struggling to fit in with someone, when she already has someone she fits perfectly with. 

“Have you spoken to Brittany?” Her dad breaks the silence. “Do you know how her parents decided to park?”

“I think they’ll have spaces in front cleared out like last year. I’d just get as close as you can, Dad. I don’t have too much with me.”

“Certainly less than last year.” He affirms.

“We knew it, didn’t we Carlos.” Her mother chimes in. “That first year, we all overpack, and then learn how little fits in a dorm room.”

“Plus, she has someone to share with this year. One television, one refrigerator...”

“Aren’t you glad we didn’t have to bring the fridge?” Santana laughs a little, knowing Brittany’s is much better than the one she had.

“Leave it to someone else to carry up. I’m happy to take up your television and your books.”

“I didn’t bring so many this year. I hardly have time to read my school books, let alone all the ones I thought I’d read for pleasure.”

“Well, you’re preoccupied with other things.”

“Carlos, leave her be.” Her mother interjects again. 

“I’m just teasing her a bit, Maribel. You know I’m thrilled she’s found someone she likes being around. What a miracle.”

“Dad...”

“I’m being genuine, honestly, Santana. She’s a nice girl. I think it’s good for you.”

“Well good, because she’s not going anywhere.”

“I should hope not, now that you’ve decided to be roommates.”

Santana starts to get uncomfortable in the car, and they couldn’t pull up in front of her new dorm building fast enough. She’s texted Brittany, who’s about a half hour behind her, and she starts unloading the car with her parents, bringing her things upstairs to the empty room. When she gets there, she’s kind of excited about how big it is, and she really can’t wait until she can stop faking that she’s going to have her own bed, and push the beds together with Brittany. They’re really doing this, she’s nervous and excited and a wreck, but it’s going to be good, it has to be good.

When Brittany gets there, there’s a lot of adults in the room, and Santana gets shy, keeping to herself and unpacking the few books she has on her desk. They’d talked about doing lunch again, but Brittany’s parents are doing the round trip in one day, so they want to get out of there. Santana’s parents are good about leaving her be, so finally, after an hour of chaos, it’s just the two of them in their new dorm, standing on opposite sides of the room and looking at each other.

“I smuggled us in our new stuff.” Brittany laughs. “Sure you want to do this?”

“Well, it’d be pretty dumb if we kept our beds on opposite sides of the room and like...alternated whose bed we were going to sleep in. Hell yeah I want to do this, how are we moving the furniture?”

“Desks on opposite sides of the room so you have your private study space?”

“Yeah...that would be really good. Help me push this stuff?”

“Wait a second, I haven’t even kissed you properly yet. Get over here, it’s been like a hundred years since I’ve seen you.”

“Hey.” Santana grins, skipping across the room and falling into Brittany’s arms. “Wow, I missed you.”

“I missed you too, times a million.” Brittany kisses her, running her hands up Santana’s back inside of her shirt. 

“No funny business...yet. Let’s just get everything arranged, and then get you some lunch, then we can do whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?”

“I mean, within reason.”

Together, they move the two desks to opposite corners of the room, and then push the beds together under the windows. Brittany gets out a memory foam mattress pad and a set of grey flannel sheets, and they make up the bed, spreading Santana’s oversized comforter over it, and folding Brittany’s smaller one down at the end. When they’re finished, Brittany offers Santana a hand up onto her desk so she can hang her Wonder Woman poster above it, and Brittany hangs hers of Charlie St. Cloud above her own. After they finish up, Santana steps back and admires the work they’ve done. She still has to unpack her clothes, and some of the other boxes she brought with her, but for now, the room looks perfect. 

“What do you think, Babes?”

“I think we live together.”

“Crazy, isn’t it? After so much time apart this summer, all I could think of was how we were going to be here today. We’re roomies, roomie.” 

“I never thought I’d be so excited to have a roommate.”

“Well duh, ‘cuz you didn’t know you’d have the best one.” Brittany grins. “I know you’re totally dying to unpack your stuff right now. Do you want me to run down and grab a pizza, and we’ll eat up here?”

“You really know me well, don’t you?”

“I’d hope so. I’ve had enough time to get to know all your little quirks after all.”

When Brittany goes downstairs, Santana sits on the floor and begins to unpack. It’s actually good, after a day where she’s been surrounded by people to have a few minutes to herself. She begins neatly organizing clothes in the drawers, and she sends Marley a text, just seeing how she’s settling in on moving day at Columbia. She’s sort of itching to finally go meet her long distance friend, but she knows with the stress of moving and the first day of classes coming up, it’s not going to happen yet. Truth be told too, Santana’s a little freaked out after so many years of only knowing each other through the phone, and she just doesn’t want anything to ruin her relationship with her best friend. It’s something she’s had running through her head for weeks, but she feels too weird to even bring it up.

Brittany gets back with the pizza just as Santana is finishing up with her things, and she figures after lunch she’ll help Brittany get through hers. They sit down on the floor with the pizza box between them, and Santana devours half a slice before Brittany even begins to eat. 

“How’s Marley?” Brittany asks, mouthful of pizza. 

“She’s good, getting adjusted, and going to some freshman thing up there tonight.”

“When are you meeting her?”

“I...haven’t decided yet. I mean, is it totally weird that I’m beyond freaked out about it?”

“What do you mean? She’s your best friend.”

“I know, but like...we’ve been friends through the computer for years. We always talked about meeting up, but we both knew it was totally impossible, and my mom would have freaked if she knew I was meeting someone from the computer. Now she lives like a mile away, and I dunno, what if she doesn’t like me or something?”

“Santana Lopez, are you kidding me?” Brittany puts her hands on her hips. “You’re totally awesome, and she knows you better than anyone, even me. It’s going to be amazing when you guys meet and actually get to hang out.”

“It’s just like, I don’t know.”

“Hey, embrace how awesome you are. I’ve only told you, like, a million times, and I’ve Skyped with Marley too. She’s a little adorable nerd like you are, you guys are going to have so much fun together. You’ll probably forget about me.”

“I’d never forget about you, Britt. You’re my favorite, favorite person.”

“I was just teasing you, Babes. But seriously, I’m excited for you to meet her. It’ll be so good for you to have someone you can be yourself with.”

“It’ll also be super weird to say Rizzles out loud in person.”

“I think it’s cute when you say it.”

“Yeah, but you’re you, you think everything I do is cute.”

“C’mere.” Brittany wipes pizza sauce from Santana’s chin. “See, that was cute too.”

“You’re such a sweet talker. I swear, where did you even come from?”

“Well, my mother’s Scottish, and my father is a teeny tiny little elf.”

“Okay Chandler Bing.” Santana pokes her side. “But fine, point taken, it won’t be weird.”

“I’m not trying to negate your feelings or anything. I think I get it, you’re insecure about stuff, and I’m not trying to minimize it. I one-hundred percent get being insecure.”

“I know.” Santana leans in to kiss her. “And I love you for that.”

They eat the rest of their pizza quietly, and then Santana helps Brittany with all of her unpacking. Their new yet to be named fish sits on Brittany’s dresser, and after the long day of traveling and unpacking, Santana is just ready to lay down. They start classes in two days, so until then, they have all the time in the world just to be together. It feels like such a relief to Santana after all their time apart, and when Brittany pops The Notebook into the DVD player, Santana plops back on their bed, ready to settle in for the night. 

“We can do leftover pizza for dinner.” Brittany tells her, laying down and opening up her arms. “I’ve gotta figure out this eating thing, since the dining hall is forever away now.”

“We can make a point to get up early and go, and then do dinner after class there most nights.”

“Rubin was definitely easier for this. But yeah...”

“Is everything okay, Britt?”

“Yeah, totally. I’m just thinking it through. Sometimes I hate that this is a thing I have to do.”

“I know, but I support you completely. If you ever feel like you’re slipping...”

“No, I know, I’ve got you to turn to. I don’t think I’ll slip, it’s just good to have an eating plan in place. I know that probably sounds dumb after it’s been years.”

“I don’t think it’s dumb. I think it’s really important that you keep an eye on it. The last thing I want is for you to be sick again.”

“It’s good to be back around you. In the summer time I’d get so bored and I’d get off my schedule. Since you’re such a planner, you help keep me to one.”

“Do you want to go to the Whole Foods on Houston tomorrow and stock up on some stuff to keep around here? We could even go to Bed Bath and Beyond and grab a toaster if you wanted...”

“Are you suggesting we introduce more contraband items?” Brittany laughs a little, as Santana settles into her arms.

“We’re already breaking the rules with the fish, what’s one more thing?”

“You bring a rebel is kind of sexy.”

“Oh yeah.” Santana adjusts her glasses. “That’s me, rebel without a cause. Which, by the way, we still need to watch.”

“We do. Tomorrow night?”

“Yeah, I want one of your movies that I’m totally going to only half watch tonight.”

“Oh really?”

“Britt, we haven’t had sex since June. If you think I’m about to genuinely watch The Notebook, you’re insane.”

“That’s the best kind of answer I’ve ever heard.”

Santana rolls onto her side, and Brittany presses into her a little, kissing her deeply, and laying her onto her back so she can hover over her. Just making out feels really good after so long, but Santana can feel herself getting revved up faster than she ordinarily would. When Brittany unbuttons her pants, she flushes, knowing that she’s already wet, and Brittany’s eyes widen, a grin spreading across her face. 

“Already? Do I really have that much of an effect on you?”

“You have no idea.” Santana murmurs, silencing Brittany with another kiss. 

“Can we try something?”

“What kind of something?”

“I want to...like, get each other off at the same time.”

“You mean scissoring?”

“Well...” Brittany trails off, and Santana can tell she’s thinking hard. “I was actually thinking more like, we go down on each other at the same time.”

“Oh...wow. Okay. That sounds really hot.”

“Yeah?”

“Uh huh.” Santana takes her glasses off and puts them beside the bed. “I definitely would be into that.”

“What a way to christen our new bed.” Brittany grins, pulling her shirt over her head and undoing her jeans. 

Santana follows Brittany’s lead, and she gets fully undressed. Normally, they’d undress each other slowly, but given how excited they both are about this, they don’t waste any time getting fully naked. Santana squirms a little, unsure of what exactly to do next, but Brittany eases her nerves by kissing her and palming her breasts, waiting until she’s putty in her hands before she makes the next move. Santana lays back into the pillows, nodding that she’s totally okay with being beneath Brittany, and when Brittany carefully lowers herself onto her face, Santana gives a rare wanton moan of pleasure.

It’s the weirdest sensation, Santana thinks, simultaneously pleasuring and being pleasured like this, but it only makes her work harder to make this the absolute best for Brittany. When she feels herself on the verge of coming, and knows that Brittany’s not quite there yet, she doubles down, squeezing her ass and pulling her closer in until she almost feels like she can’t breathe. She’s lightheaded, and when she actually falls apart, it’s almost surreal how good it feels for her. She can’t believe they’ve never done this before, and as vanilla as she thought she was, maybe she’s a little kinky somewhere deep inside—at least the kind of kinky that sort of gets off on not being able to breathe. 

Afterwards, Brittany seems especially tender with her, kissing all over her face, stroking her hair and body, wrapping her up in the blanket on their bed. As good as orgasms are, it’s the little afterwards intimacies that are Santana’s favorite thing in the world, and she curls up into Brittany’s arms, content like a little kitten. She feels like Brittany’s most special thing in those times, and she tucks her face into the crook of Brittany’s neck, smelling her lingering perfume, the sweat from their activities, just her natural Brittany smell. It feels so good to be back in her arms, and Santana sighs contentedly. 

“Good?” Brittany asks, and Santana nods. “Me too.”

“I really don’t want to get up ever again. That was like...the most perfect thing, having you back is the most perfect thing.”

“Seriously, can we do internships next summer so we can just stay here?”

“Can we not talk about next summer at all? Please?”

“I’m sorry.” Brittany kisses her lips. “I won’t anymore. Do you want cold pizza?”

“Sure.” Santana smiles, almost asking Brittany if she’s really ready to get up already, before thinking better of it. “Iced tea too?”

“Anything you want. Just stay right here.”

[mckinleyslistrp]

Looks like you’ve finally wised up and stumbled across this little site someone probably told you to check out. I don’t blame you, can anyone really blame us for wanting gossip around this excuse of a town? You’re probably wondering what the point of this is? Don’t worry, in time it will reveal itself. You’re also probably wondering who this is. Too bad I won’t reveal who I am until the end of this. And by this I mean what I’m here to do, embarrass all of you and make you feel what it feels like to be me.

You know that little ‘Hot or Not’ list that got spread around a while ago? Well, it’s about to be back and better than ever. You all walk around talking shit and flaunting your lives like you’re so special and paint that picture perfect life on the outside, afraid to let anyone know the real you. I know everything, I see everything you pathetic teens post on line. I know you’re thinking ‘oh some creep is watching me.’ It’s what you want right? On Instagram, Facebook, Tumblr - the perfect smiles, the perfect lives but I know the truth. The things you try to hide. You probably never even noticed me which is the best part.

I thought about taking it easy for the first big outing but the person that help me set all this up really knows what they are doing, kinda makes me nervous that they may figure out who I am but then they’d risk their own secrets getting out.

So lets get down to. I’m feeling a little opposites week, I don’t know about you all but I like cheering for an underdog and I figured why not letting them shine for once and leaving the wannabes stuck at the bottom. Lets call this a reverse reveal. Check it out.

Now, I’m all for a strong female lead but this one seems to walk around like she’s just a little bit better than the rest of it. The name already popped into your head, didn’t it? @livclarington OLIVIA CLARINGTON, we all have our secrets, huh? But come on, if @charlielowe and @mchayden could declare their love for one another, why can’t you do the same? Maybe that’s why you and @kennedyxann went to the dance together. Hope your parents aren’t with the times and check the internet often, or do they finally know?

I think it’s all common knowledge that @carterfcbray CARTER FABRAY has a problem with people’s faces. All he does is punch them, this guy has some serious daddy issues or something. @averyspearce and @tjhudson you may wanna watch your backs. Literally. One day you may not be able to get back up from it, I’ve heard some things that he just never knows when to stop. Don’t worry, if it happens, at least when know it was him.

Does anyone ever wonder what it’s like to be seen as damn near perfect? Like you probably don’t have any skeletons in your closet? @junemcrawford JUNE CRAWFORD can’t relate. She hides her skeltons in her bag.  Who would have ever thought she would have things in common with @elijahmotta? Sure as hell not me, it’s like an addicting TV show that I just can’t look away from.

Now, who would I be if I didn’t mention the newbies around here? Lets start this off with @treysamuels TREY SAMUELS , this dude spends a lot more time at school lately, it’s not like the alcohol stash in Sylvester’s desk hasn’t been gone months ago. Some could even say it’s like he lives there but he could just be getting his life together or just using the pages in the library books to smoke. Too bad @livclarington wised up when she did, he could have still been sleeping there. Guess it’s on to the next one.

For the rest of you, don’t think you’re free of me. I’m only getting started.

Savannah Rose ( 7,206 )

Thomas Hudson ( 5,063 )

Olivia  Clarington ( 4,956 )

Carter Fabray ( 3,804 )

Josephine Puckerman*

Charlie Lowe ( 3,685 )

Sebastian Smythe ( 3,364 )

Naomi Evans ( 3,095 )

James Anderson*

Adelaide Berry ( 2,607 )

Elizabeth Abrams ( 2,379 )

Blaine Anderson ( 2,368 )

Maya Harper ( 2,346 )

Valentina Lopez*

Marley Rose ( 2,304 )

Avery Pearce ( 2,157 )

Kennedy Lynn ( 2,134 )

Benson Pierce*

Elijah Motta ( 1,938 )

Hayden McIntosh ( 1,807 )

Quinn Fabrey*

Sam Evans ( 1,735 )

Emmy St. James ( 1,627 )

Antonio Guerrero ( 1,502 )

Gabriela Perez ( 1,479 )

Kurt Hummel ( 1,406 )

June Crawford*

Sawyer Hudson ( 1,221 )

Jake Puckerman ( 869 )

Evelyn Porter ( 868 )

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Jesse St. James ( 743 )

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