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valadren · 1 year ago

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I didn’t really make friends growing up.

Ever since I can remember early on I was seen as the weird kid, the outcast, but, critically, my teachers really liked me. It was pretty easy in my head to do that, classrooms usually had basic rules told to us as kids, and they were things like raise your hand to speak, sit properly, share, stuff like that. I learned pretty quickly that most teachers like you if you talk to them about the things you were learning in class. I always imagine myself wearing that cloak from Zatch Bell when I think about my grade school me, which is funny because the only other memory I have about clothes from my childhood was how horrible most of them felt on my body.

I don’t think my parents really noticed how lonely I felt at school, how much I dreaded going because my teachers all pretty much only had nice things to say until the homework burden got higher, later into grade school and into middle school. See, I was a precocious reader, and I picked up basic mathematics really easily, so part of my early school years was going to gifted programs. I remember having a really stern math teacher who was also extremely funny and cool one-on-one, my favorite kind of teacher tbh. But once my school work got more complicated, I found myself struggling to pay attention, I had focus issues, if you can imagine, and this was during the time that video games became sort of the de facto hobby in me and my older sibling’s life. We used to play with our myriad action figures as kids, my sibling grew out of them, the only way I could hang out with them was by playing video games, but I never dropped the action figure habit to this day. Almost every game I play I have action figure representatives for my party members, weapons built out of knex, so I could reimagine, or redirect the scenes, I like feeling the action in my hands, moving each limb meticulously to approximate these things. If I knew how to animate I would probably end up liking it.

Focus issues. My parents were struggling with this, both their children seemed to not have many friends and usually sit inside playing video games. Both of them were slipping in their grades, so our usual punishment when we’d get bad progress reports was to get our games (and my action figures) confiscated. I remember sneaking into their room on one of the days we were home alone (it was a different time back then), sneaking out one male and one female action figure to hide in my desk. I needed to have something to do with my hands that wasn’t breaking pencils or chewing on them, or chewing on my hair when I got to have it long enough. I can still remember the feeling of each of these things like I’ve been doing them all my life.

Another thing that maybe hid my isolation was that as a family we were always moving. I spent my summer and winter breaks living with my grandmother in Illinois, while my mom moved from Missouri to Texas and then from Texas to New Jersey. I didn’t have consistent friends or even a consistent school until we got to Jersey. I was maybe 10 or so. Even then, I had very loose connections with friends. I wanted to have birthday parties but by then I had grown conscious of how much people avoided me, I had people who would call me the devil, who hated me because they hated my older sibling, who generally found me weird and avoided me, so asking people to come to my party, to the place where my parents would be stressing out constantly about how messy my room always is, how disrespectful it would be to have company over, it felt like a losing prospect. I didn’t want to bother people who didn’t want to come to a place that would incidentally house a couple of very stressed out adults.

Somewhere in this time period I was moved into this mid-school program, I want to say by middle school vaguely, but I genuinely can’t remember when this happened. It was a weird program too, it was two teachers, one of whom was the fun one, the other I only vaguely remember having dark hair and glasses and being… nice? I think she was the one who asked me if I wanted to help out here and keep these kids company, but it was asked after I was moved into here anyway. Mostly we would play chess or checkers or YuGiOh or connect four (I’m very good at connect four but that’s mostly because it’s easy). Every kid there was one of the weird ones in school, and I was trying to not be that. I was trying to get in with some cool kids who very explicitly hated having me around. I got to know the kids in this weird program pretty well. One was a chess prodigy, or at least he seemed that way to me. My parents suggested that this could have been another gifted program, or that I was assisting the school with this, but I know what a gifted program looks like, I’d been in them all through grade and middle school and they never had two teachers for one classroom. And being a teacher’s assistant, I looked it up for that school, requires parental signatures to opt me in and neither of my parents recall doing this at all.

But this was what things were like for me back then. I was a teacher’s pet until I couldn’t keep up with the school work, I had maybe one or two friends I was close with, almost none of them are in my life anymore, and most interestingly, I grew to have a lot of weird habits. For the longest time I didn’t have opinions on art, at least not until the person I was talking to expressed theirs, which I would then adopt, to make talking with them easier and more pleasant. I never really told many people about my interests, what music I liked, what games I play, that I was huge into anime like Sailor Moon and Yu Yu Hakusho, I kind of figured that I didn’t have the same taste as everyone else, because if I did I’d have more friends. It didn’t help that my perception of my own taste varied wildly. I believed I had so much better taste in music and film than my peers because my parents wanted me to appreciate good art. The first two albums I ever remember listening to as a kid were the White Album by the Beatles (which as a fun aside I used to listen to one song on it on loop to go to sleep to until my stepdad literally begged me to stop), and the Cabaret OST. I was maybe 6 or 7 or so. I think. I was shown the Matrix when I was really young too, Spirited Away, Moulin Rouge, Lord of the Rings, but everything that I had gotten into because my sibling was, or because I saw it on cable TV at my grandmother’s, or a friend got me into, I never had any confidence that those were good at all. I had two grown up adult people telling me constantly what was good and bad art, and they were usually pretty dismissive of video games in general and most anime, down to my stepdad getting genuinely shocked that we watched something as fucked up as Yu Yu Hakusho, what with all the blood and vagina plants (he watched the Karasu fight with us whoops).

I had these pseudo classes in school too. Things like “how to look like you’re paying attention” or people lecturing on what body language makes you seem rude, and it was constantly pitted against these conflicts with my peers where they found me obnoxious for reasons that were never made clear to me, and the increasing number of times I’d do something in public with my family and have them pull me aside and yell at me for being thoughtless or selfish or rude. I have a cumulative weight of experiences where I have been told that whatever it is that I’ve wanted to do, or things that I’ve said, or done, have been actually pretty mean to people. That I need to be aware of my actions. Actions speak louder than words. If I really wanted to be a good student I would be. If I really wanted to have a tidy room, I’d do it. If I really was passionate about music or writing or acting or directing I would work tirelessly to improve, but I’m always playing video games with my action figures and it’s a shame because I’m very bright, I could be a scholar, I could be a lawyer, I could have been an actor. I’m getting ahead of myself.

I got better at this stuff. A lot better in high school because my theatre program (which was run by my mother it was very weird) helped me develop my performing chops. I got funnier and figured out that being self effacing was effective, it let me off the hook from a lot of social scrutiny, I still do it all the time in public even though I have heard endless discourse about how it’s bad to do this because it only affirms depressive thought patterns or makes you a bad role model or whatever. Looking back on it high school really was the moment that I could see the brain mechanics in play. I had, though I never called them that or considered them that, scripts. I had game plans on how to talk to people I don’t know, that changed if they were people in authority or not (this had a horrible side effect of me being really deferential to the cops that patrolled our school), and more importantly I had been getting better at tailoring myself to friends. I had ways of talking to each individual person, almost subconsciously if not for the fact that I was hyper aware that this made me into a horrible gossip because some of my classmates were gossips. I was a vector for shit talking, and it led to a constant fear of conflict between friends, because I didn’t want to be both party’s confidant.

By undergrad my performative stuff had gotten into full swing. I was a man (at the time) who was sensitive, self degrading, funny, and I wanted to be open about it all. I wanted to be an advocate for sensitive masculinity, I wanted to be up front about my mental health, which had been doing worse and worse with every passing year. I bragged about going to therapy, I was painfully open about everything and it ended up hurting friends I cared about a lot. In retrospect I was a huge dick about it all, and I think that’s the point where I mostly tried to shut the fuck up about most things. I thought I had figured things out but I was still hurting people and I didn’t want to and I lacked the awareness to not do the obviously bad thing. And it didn’t stop there. Post graduation I fell into a group of friends that I got really, really attached to, attached enough that our friendship culminated in a plan to move out of our respective family’s houses and make it on our own. That ended with the friend group excising me like a tumor, and I’m mostly out of contact entirely with almost all of them.

I’m about to finish law school if I can stop writing this and finish my final paper. It took me until near the end of my coursework to realize I put myself through this out of an act of penance for the people I have let down. It felt like the responsible choice to make myself use my talents to make the world a better place, especially if the only cost was my own joy and passion. Things that had, at the time, not amounted to anything but jilted friends, a professor telling me she’d never recommend me as an actor to anyone, a couple of really rough albums that I can’t listen to anymore, and what felt like endless confusion. I could not, and still can’t understand what is so wrong with me, that my interests and wants and needs are always seemingly horrible and selfish and thoughtless while people imposing their needs on me are things that I always have to accommodate. If I were a more arrogant bitch, I’d almost proclaim that I seemingly have the superpower of being the only person on earth who can endlessly forgive people.

I meander a lot when I talk about my brain, about potentially having autism, because I don’t want to be thoughtless about this, and because trying to list out my experiences that led to this feels like it cheapens everything. I have texture issues, I can only sleep under my comforter and no bed sheets, I can’t comfortably wear pants, pajama or otherwise, to bed, there’s a bunch of clothes I have that fit me but have bad texture so I never wear them, but that doesn’t mean anything definitely. None of this does, I am a depressed and anxious person, according to every therapist I’ve ever had, and those things can lead to overthinking, and it could all just be that, it could just be ADHD, it could be that I truly am lazy, and the act of actually self-diagnosing requires a real sense of trust in yourself and that is the one thing that was beaten out of me growing up. How can I trust myself when my actions have been speaking for me against my will all my life? How do I feel like I have real agency in my life when I am playing Russian roulette with every social encounter I have? How do I know if I’m autistic or if I’m just actually a bad person? And this problem can start a wildfire in my head too, like, okay, I know how the script goes here, you’re supposed to say that I’m valid and that my lived experiences should be honored and there’s no shame in figuring things out and self diagnosing but none of that feels real. None of that is what’s said when I’m hurt and the response is that I should be more thoughtful of the other side, or that I should be able to get over this, or that I don’t have to feel guilty about the things I did to people because someone was lying about me during the entire situation. It is one thing to say that my experiences should be valid, but I don’t think I have ever felt comfortable in validity, especially in validity that’s so easily retracted.

Today is apparently autism pride day. I have never been one for genuine celebrations of pride because I don’t feel proud of most things that aren’t some of my video essays. I wanted to share my thoughts on my identifying with autism as something that helps me understand my head a little better, that answers these questions that otherwise would lead to the conclusion that I’m just a bad person in some immutable way. It’s hard to take pride in myself for things that I am, rather than the things that I do, but maybe just trying to get my thoughts on the page can be a start.

#autism #mao mao #this is how I used to post on tumblr #this is so exhausting I’m sorry #cw for uh… family stuff? school bullying?#autism pride

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angelsvoice1love · 10 months ago

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Do you see me (Pt 1)

Walking down the path ready to walk into school, when I heard boys calling at me. Sighing I shook my head as I saw Cho-Wrong and the rest of the guys.

Cho-Rong: Y/N! He yelled, as he picked you up in a hug spinning you around.

Seo-Jun: Aya, put her down. You all heard a familiar voice.

Looking towards the voice Cho-Rong placed you down and ran to Seo-Jun hugging him. As everyone finished saying there hello's and welcome backs, you couldn't help but look at Seo-Jun with a soft smile.

Seo-Jun: Are you just going to stand there, or are you gonna welcome me back?

Your smile grew as you ran into his arms, giggling as he lifted you slightly from the impact.

Y/n: Seo-Jun, I've missed you so much. You said, as you placed your face in his neck.

Seo-Jun: Did you miss me that much?

Y/n: What? Me miss you? Not at all. You said, pulling away from him. I better be off to class, see you later?

Seo-Jun: In class dummy. We have the same schedules for every class. Come, let's go. I know you hate being late.

Blinking, you couldn't help smile as he remembered how you hated being late to anything.

After getting to class, everyone welcomed Seo-Jun, and just then Soo-Ho walked in making everything go quiet.

Looking between the boys, you bit your tongue hoping this doesn't turn into a fight at all. They just kept glaring at each other, which made you jump in and make conversation with Seo-Jun.

Y/n: Seo-Jun...how about we go out for some coffee after school? We should catch up.

Seo-Jun: Sounds fun. Looking up, Seo-Jun walked past Soo-Ho and sat at his desk. Soo-Ho walked out of the class, causing you to run after him.

Y/n: Soo-Ho, wait. You said, as you stopped him.

Soo-Ho: Why are you going to drink coffee with him?

Y/n: Why can't I? Just because you both hate each other at the moment, doesn't mean I should stay away from him.

Soo-Ho: Sorry. I don't want you to loose Seo-Jun...okay. But you need to tell me, when you are coming back home. Otherwise I can't allow you to go.

Y/n: Brother bear. I promise I'll let you know everything. You said with a smile, as you gave him a hug.

Time skip

Ju-Kyung: I didn't know you were Soo-Ho's brother.

Soo-Jin: Yes. They don't really look like siblings, but they both have the same temper when someone they care about gets hurt.

So-Ah: Yip. I remembered one day at school we had a sports day, and someone pushed y/n so hard she sprained her ankle pretty bad and she had to walk with crutches for a month.

Tae-Hoon: You should have seen Soo-Ho, take care of his sister. Since they both have all the same classed, he would help her sit down, get her lunch for her.

Ju-Kyung: You really have a nice brother, y/n.

Y/n: Thank you, Ju-Ju (Ju-Kyung nickname) Not that I don't love spending time with my crew, but I should really be going before I miss my important coffee meet up. You said, blowing kisses at them all. Love you.

Taking a taxi, you went to meet Seo-Jun at a coffee Cafe called Plushie Cafe. As you got there, you saw him waiting outside already. Your face lit up as you watched him from where you were standing. Finally he saw you, waving you over, causing you to jump back to reality and wave in return.

Y/n: Did I keep you waiting?

Seo-Jun: No. Let's go, I'm thirsty. He replied, taking your hand and leading you into the Cafe.

Waitress: Afternoon, my name is Yuumi, and I'll be your waitress. What would you like today?

Seo-Jun: One iced American and a iced match to drink. We'll also have one large bowl of shaved ice with red bean past.

Waitress: Coming up.

Y/n: Y...you remembered my favorite drink?

Seo-Jun: Yes. One of them anyway. And I thought why shouldn't we have our favorite desert together.

Y/n: That's why you ordered the large?

Seo-Jun: Yes. I remembered we tried it one day when we went on an arrend for my sister, and you wanted to eat something sweet and we ordered shaved ice with red bean paste. I know you y/n.

Y/n: Guess, I didn't change much in the time you were gone. You said, looking down at your hands.

Seeing this, Seo-Jun placed his hand on yours since he was sitting next to you and smiled softly.

Seo-Jun: I'm glad your still the same y/n.

Y/n: I did change a little.

Seo-Jun: Other than the braces that came off, and you having way more friends other than the guys...your still the same. We'll there is one thing that's changed.

Y/n: What's that? You asked, after you took a sip of your match ice latte.

Seo-Jun: You're much more confident. He said, with a smile.

Y/n: Just did what my friend told me to do.

Seo-Jun: What did they say? He asked, as he took a bite of the shaved ice.

Y/n: Being confident isn't a sin, but it gives you the courage needed when you have to fight.

Seo-Jun: Did Soo-Ho, say that?

Y/n: No. You did...before you left.

Seo-Jun: I...guess I don't remember saying that.

Y/n: It's fine. But I'm glad you did, otherwise I wouldn't be the new me. You smiled, as you now took a bite of the shaved ice.

Looking at you Seo-Jun shook his head, as he moved forward taking your cheek his his hand as he ran his finger over the corner of your lips. Swallowing as you stared at him, he pulled back as he cleaned his thumb from the red bean paste that was there.

Eyes wide you quickly grabbed a napkin and wiping your mouth from what may be left.

Y/n: S...sorry...i...that wasn't-

Seo-Jun: For what? I've seen you in your pajamas, with a face mask and braids in your hair when we had dinner at your house. So, no, you don't have to be embarrassed.

Y/n: Still-

Seo-Jun: Enough, already. Can we move on?

Nodding your head, Seo-Jun shook his head and leaned forward to take your match ice latte and took a big sip. Licking his lips, you bit yours as he placed it back down on the table.

Time skip

Soo-Ho: Morning,sleep well? Soo-Ho asked, as he placed down a glass of orange juice and eggs and bacon infront of you.

Y/n: I did thank you. Did you? You asked as you took a sip of your orange juice.

Nodding his head, Soo-Ho sat down across your and started eating his food. There was silence in the air, as you got a ping on your phone as it was a message from Seo-Jun. Smiling, you started texting back while eating your food, and drinking your juice.

Soo-Ho: Okay. Who are you talking to this early?

Y/n: Um...Seo-Jun.

Soo-Ho: Oh.

Y/n: He wants to do a movie marathon today. C...can I go? Or do you have something planned for us?

Soo-Ho: No. I was thinking about going to Prince Comics. If you want to go I'm not stopping you. But I have one condition.

Y/n: What's that?

Soo-Ho: You need to be back for dinner. That's all I ask.

Y/n: Dinner? Y...yeah, deal. Yes. Thank you. You jumped up from the chair and hugged your brother from behind giving him kisses on his cheek. Your the best brother ever. Mmwah.

You gave him another kiss making him smile, as he hugged you back.

Y/n: How about I pick up your favorite dinner tonight? And then when we're here we can have a movie night together?

Soo-Ho: Deal. Now get going before Seo-Jun, starts to worry.

Nodding your head you grabbed you bag and started running our the door.

#HanSeo-Jun #LeeSoo-Ho #ImJu-Kyung #HanGo-Won #KimCho-Rong #ChoiSo-Ah #YooTae-Hoon #AhnHyun-Kyu #KangSoo-Jin #ImHee-Kyung #ImJu-Young #TrueBeauty

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storiesofateenager · 1 year ago

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anxiety

I've had seriously bad anxiety since the very beginning of my memories.

Young Anxiety

I remember being in elementary school, probably somewhere between 2nd and 4th grade, and making it extremely difficult for my parents to get me out of the house and into the car to go to school. I would scream and cry because I didn't want to go. At that time, I obviously didn't know I was anxious, but it's clear now that that's what it was. My parents would have to physically pick me up and carry me out of the house. Sometimes they would yell at me while doing it, sometimes they would ask me what was wrong and why I didn't want to school. They would ask me if I was having problems with the other kids or with teachers, probably afraid that I was being badly bullied or abused. But I wasn't. One day, my dad even cried. Not out of frustration or anger, but out of sadness that I was so emotional about school, and probably out of sadness that he didn't know what was happening. I remember thinking he was mocking me, and I even asked him in the moment. He either didn't explain it or I was so emotional in the moment that I forgot what he said.

I also know that I was scared of my teachers. Most of them weren't even mean, and a lot of them liked me because I was so quiet and I did what I needed to do. But I was always afraid that I would do something wrong and get yelled at, even though my teachers weren't the type to yell at students. I wouldn't ask questions out of fear that the teachers and my peers would judge me. At that time, the only reason I would get all of my work done was because I didn't want the teacher to confront me about it. At that point, I was really conscious of my behavior rather than my appearance, because I didn't feel self-conscious about that until middle school.

First Panic Attacks

My first panic attack ever was in my grandmother's house when I was really young, probably 7 to 9 years old. I don't remember if we were there for a holiday or something like that, but my family had gone over there for some reason. We hung out there all day, and then my siblings and I decided we wanted to sleep over. Our parents and grandparents were fine with it, so our parents eventually left. While we were there, one of my siblings got sick and suddenly threw up. My grandparents dealt with it, cleaned it up, etc. After a while, I started feeling nauseous. You'd think this meant I was going to get sick too, but that wasn't what it was. I felt like I couldn't calm down. I couldn't take a deep breath, and I was speaking gibberish to my grandparents about how my stomach hurt but I didn't want to sit down and I didn't feel like I was going to throw up even though I was nauseous. I was panicking, although again, I didn't know it then. This is what sparked my huge fear of throwing up, which I still have now. Eventually, I calmed down, but it took a while. I don't remember what happened after that. I don't think I ever ended up getting sick, even days later, but I'm not exactly sure.

The next big panic attack I remember having was in school. I was still in elementary school, probably around the same age as my last panic attack. I don't remember why, but I had gone to the nurse for something other than the panicky feeling. I might've been dizzy or started feeling nauseous. Anyway, I was sitting in the nurse's office, waiting for her while she was helping out another student. She had a fishtank in the waiting area, which I always looked at a ton while I was in there. At some point, she came over to me and asked me what was wrong. I knew her pretty well because I had been there a few times and my older brother had a reputation for going to the nurse all the time just because he was bored of class. While she was talking to me, I started losing touch with reality and getting fidgety. It went from 0 to 100 really quick, with me unable to articulate what exactly was happening but making it clear that I was freaking out. She was the first person that said the words "panic attack" to me, by asking if I had had one before. I said yes, remembering this feeling from my grandma's house. She got me a cup of water. I kept telling her that I couldn't "remember" the things around me, that they felt unfamiliar (but of course I was using a 3rd grade vocabulary and she didn't understand what I meant at all, which made it even worse). Again, I don't remember how I calmed down or what happened afterwards, but I now had words that I could put to the feeling. I also now know that I was also dissociating in that moment, which I've experienced multiple times since then as well, but I can talk about that in a different post.

Hospitalization

*tw: eating disorders*

In 4th or 5th grade, I was hospitalized because of my anxiety. Basically, my whole family had gotten the flu and felt sick for about a week. No one threw up from what I remember, but we all felt nauseous, had no appetite, and were feverish. Once we all started to feel better, I didn't. The flu symptoms went away, of course, but my anxiety towards being nauseous didn't. My relationship with food deteriorated as I was afraid that I would throw up if I ate. So I stopped eating. I was drinking water and such though. I know now that if I would've been sick, I would've thrown up whether I was eating or not. But I didn't know that at that age. My parents knew I wasn't eating, but I guess they assumed I would eventually cave and eat again. However, the longer I went without eating, the more the thought of eating disgusted me. They didn't know why I stopped eating, and I didn't know how to tell them. This went on for weeks. My mom had let the principal and guidance counselor know about it, so I was getting pulled out of class to go to the office and talk to them about it every day. I still didn't know how to tell them why I wasn't eating, mostly because I was embarrassed. Eventually, I got frustrated. So I told them about my family being sick and my fear of throwing up.

They didn't believe me.

They assumed I was being bullied, or that it had something to do with my weight and body. It didn't. I was just an anxious kid who didn't know how to deal with it. I kept telling them this story, and they kept asking me to tell them the truth. I didn't understand. I was telling them the truth. I got pulled out of class again, but it was different this time. My parents were in the office this time, crying. I was confused, but I started crying too. The principal and my parents started telling me that they had decided they were going to take me to the hospital because I was getting scarily skinny and they didn't know what else to do. So, they took me to the hospital.

I got an IV put in, obviously. They took my blood and told my parents that I was very malnourished and my organs were close to failing. They had a psychologist come to my room and talk to me with my parents outside. She asked me things about my body image, and she told me I was beautiful. I was confused, because as I said, this had nothing to do with my body or feeling ugly. I got no sleep while I was there, because a nurse would have to take my blood in the middle of the night. I eventually ate one singular meal, which I guess they thought was enough for me to be discharged. I continued not eating for a little bit after I went home, but I eventually started eating again slowly. They forced me to start going to therapy afterwards.

Therapy

My first therapist was cool. I still hadn't told my parents the reason I stopped eating in the first place, so the goal my therapist set with me was to get me to open up about that. Now that I had told someone and they didn't believe me, I didn't want to tell anyone anymore. I went to multiple sessions, talking about nothing. I wasn't a talkative kid, so a lot of our sessions were rather silent. Her therapy style was to stay silent so that I felt the need to talk, but it didn't work well on me. I had no problem with silence. Eventually, I knew I needed to tell people, because my parents wouldn't leave me alone about it. So I told my therapist. I cried talking about it. She believed me, and told me that I should tell my mother at least. I did. This is when I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder. After that, I told my mom I didn't want to go to therapy anymore. She made me tell my therapist in person that I was done with it the next session. I cried so hard because I felt horrible telling her I didn't want to see her anymore. But, that was over.

About a year or two later, in middle school (probably 6th grade), my anxiety was getting bad again. Not to the point that it was at when I was hospitalized, but still bad. My mom wanted me to go to therapy again, and I agreed that I probably should. She found me a new therapist. This one lasted a much shorter amount of time. We just didn't connect. She rarely asked me questions about myself. Again, it was mostly silence. After a couple months, I told my mom I didn't want to go back because I didn't feel like I could talk to her. So I stopped going.

Now, I'm in therapy again. It wasn't only for anxiety, but a big part of it was that. The therapist I see now is amazing. We've connected, she asks me questions when she sees I can't think of anything to talk about, and we're able to joke and laugh together on top of talking about serious topics. Now that I'm older, I understand that I have to open up about difficult topics to change, so I'm more willing to push myself out of my comfort zone. I've cried so many times with this therapist, and I feel less and less embarrassed about it every time. I was hesitant at first to get back into therapy after two negative experiences, but I'm so glad that I did.

Current-Day Coping

Today, I obviously still have panic attacks and I still get irrationally anxious about small things. I've spent many nights crying and wishing that I could just function normally and not be so afraid of normal things that no one else has a second thought about. However, through therapy and through having to deal with it for years and years, I've learned ways to cope. When I get really anxious, I name countries in alphabetical order. For example, I start with A and name a country that starts with A, then I go to B, then I go to C, and so on. I meditate too, which I REALLY reccommend to people who have trouble breathing when they get anxious. Breathwork sounds stupid, I know, but it really can work.

If you get really anxious, I reccommend turning off your phone or any screen that you're focused on, turning off the lights, and just breathing. Open a window or sit outside in the fresh air. Take a shower, open a notebook and write about anything. There are so many ways that you can distract yourself, as well as ways that you can physically regulate your body. You're safe, you're not alone, and you're going to be okay.

#anxiety #panic attacks #generalized anxiety disorder #coping mechanisms #personal #therapy #life experiences #diagnosis #mental health #trigger warning #teenager #personal experience #personal story

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fandxmslxt69 · 1 year ago

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hello beloved!!! <3

13, 18, 26

oh my gosh my love!!! hello dearest <333

13. How many siblings do you have? Are you oldest, middle, or youngest?

UGHHHH. Lmao. Uuuh I have 3 siblings, two brothers and a sister- I'm the oldest!!! Tough tough job let me tell you. It's fun I guess, because I've got dirt on everyone and I'm one less for my parents to worry about. But it's also kinda tragic cuz I feel held to such a standard my siblings see me as enemy #1 because I "get everything I want". I mean YEAH I more or less do but consider: my work really hard to collect enough Parent Points to get my stuff soooo really it's their fault :/ NOT TO SOUND DRAMATIC but its also kinda tragic cuz like between me and my younger sister is nearly a whole lifetime. My youngest brother is in that horrible middle school boy phase, and the older one is so distant I think he'll ditch the family as soon as he can. Also- lmao the anger issues that run in this household!!!

ANYWAY THIS GOT OFF TOPIC (love chatting abt sibling dynamics) but yeah, 3 siblings, I'm the oldest, it's such a blast I would not trade this life for anything.

18. What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought?

Stares at my bookshelf that has over 3k dollars worth of books. uuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hmmmmm. I mean, other than my books, my mom usually buys me most of my stuff. Like no yeah sure I go clothes shopping but she's always there cuz a) i cant make choices and b) i cant be trusted with a credit card and c) i dont have my own money ahahaha. So ummm yeah, most expensive thing has to be my books (bought a book once for 30 bucks.) or my computer/laptop/thing (200 bucks, but it was my dad who got it sooooo) I mean I have clothes that were rather expensive like coats and shoes, but I never bought that stuff with my own money (has never worked a real job in her life other than library tutoring) so my books are the #1 i guess.

26. Do you believe in second chances?

Hm. If it's an honest, little mistake, sure. But if it's something bigger? My pride won't let me. My mom drilled it into me pretty young. Funny enough I got pushed around pretty easily growing up, and I didn't really know how to say no (most of that was due to being thrown into an environment in which i a) could not speak nor understand the language and b) i was. well. Not White and thought I had to appease everyone so no one could pick on me). Anyway yeah my mom drilled it into me that second chances had to be earned and only for the right things. STORY TIME!!! Gosh oh gosh okay, so I got pushed back a couple years in school when we first moved to Canada, hence why I'm so behind on everything. When I (finally) hit 5th grade, I remember I made 2 good friends. One of them, my parents were friends with her parents, the other was this nice white girl whom friend A had known for a very long time. I was kindly invited into their group (I'd known them for about a year or so but was never very close) and I tagged along! It wasnt unusual, since we lived in a small area and went to the local school, so pretty much the entire grade knew each other and we (the 20 smth kids) were always in the same class together for a solid 3 years. Anyway, these girls were fun and we had a good time but shit went DOWN and it kind of fucked me up real bad. I still think abt it to this day. Long story short they spread shit abt people in their little diaries and the teachers caught them and they thought I was apart of it but TURNS OUT I was the CENTER of the shit talking and to this DAY, nearly a decade later, my parents refuse to tell me about any of it. I gave them quite a few chances before and after bc we had some fights, and in the end it like just. it humiliated me completely. Anyway lmao um um um yeah, ever since that shit I kind of stuck to avoiding second chances.

If it's not deserved, it's not happening. They're cut from my life immediately. I simply refused to let myself be put in that same vulnerable position again. So no, I don't really believe in second chances. If it was an honest mistake, a misunderstanding, miscommunication or something harmless, I'm okay. It's fine, it'll wash over. But most other shit? Man I can't handle it at ALL. My pride genuinely won't let me. I'll end up burning all the bridges in anger before I even consider it.

UMMM THAT WAS LONG WOW but im tired and idc anymore. WHOOPS

THANKS FOR THE ASK AMPHI i love you :D

#clem talks <3 #thatttt was longgggg #man i still think abt 5th grade #what a shit show #anyway yeah second chances are very rare from me :/

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augustus-rok · 10 months ago

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Well uh hi, I return with another chunk of writing for this! Sorry OP this lives rent free in the back of my brain and I work on it in classes. It’s gotten long enough in my google docs that I’ll take back my words on putting it on ao3.

Anyways enjoy really smart teenagers and dialogue more between them than the adults.

———————————

“I come with a guest!” Flash’s call snares the two teen’s attention from where they crowd over their school work for the day. Jazz is quick now, after almost a month under the hero’s watch, to go open the door. “Coming,” she calls falsely welcoming.

Danny doesn’t pretend. The boy says seated as Jazz opens the door to Batman standing behind the bright red speedster. “Oh good you’re both here! I want to know what you both would like to eat and I’ll go pick it up while Batsy asks his questions.”

The wind from Flash’s departure after Jazz tells him their usual orders makes Jazz’s hair ripple, but Danny is amused to notice that Batman’s cape doesn’t even stir.

“Well l come in I guess,” Jazz steps to the side even as he glances back at Danny with a crease of worry in her brow. Batman gives her space as he passes her and enters the hotel room, his mask covers his face but Danny can feel the way he is scrutinized by the hero.

Jazz skitters over once the door shuts and claims the seat next to Danny, and the Bat sits on the one she abandoned when the Flash knocked. “I take it you both know why I’m here?”

Danny blinks, shocked a little by how soft the man’s voice is but also by the bell of familiarity it rings. He’ll remember its origin later, likely, “You are gonna ask questions for Valarie.”

Jazz nods and he knows she is cataloging Batman’s slight frown before the hero answers.

“Yes. But before that I need to know you won’t share that information-“

“She’s not hiding it well but then anyone who’d want to know her ID knows it so it ain’t matter.” Jazz interrupts.

“Explain.”

The siblings eye each other. “Well,” Jazz starts, “us on the, for lack of a better word, team all know and Phantom has us watch out for our parents who don’t know. Same with the GIW. The ghosts themselves know and the deal is they don’t bother Valarie out of her suit cause she isn’t able to take ambushes well with her combat abilities.”

Batman is clearly alarmed by that. Danny notes the way his hands tense but don’t flex, and the man’s eyes frown. “How do they know her identity?” Ah yes there’s that gravel that he uses with everyone else in costume, Jazz pauses recognizing that the man has done a defensive maneuver with her head spinning to Danny. He holds up a finger. He knows this voice has heard it often enough to assign it to a face, “I’m thinking Jazz don’t rush me.” The Batman is paying a lot of attention to Danny now and Danny doesn’t hide that he is scrutinizing the hero back.

He snaps to be dramatic, “Huh Bruce Wayne.” Jazz snorts her surprise and the hero reels.

“How.” It is a demand this time, warning deep, and Danny flicks a pencil in reaction. Hiding a flinch down his spine.

Jazz answers, “Danny is just as smart as the rest of us Fentons, people always assume otherwise cause he got hurt freshman year and his grades pitched as a result. But he’s still a B level student and like me is people oriented.” She pauses, “anything you can do Danny can, and often better if he decides to. We’re both good at finding and knowing things, we have to be with our parents: if they try to be sneaky or surprising it can hurt if we don’t know about it first.”

Batman considers this, looking at them both, looking at the table where they were both doing their homework a mere handful of minutes ago, at how naturally they both made a hotel room home. “A surprise is a threat so you eliminate the possibility of there being any. You have no choice but to stay so you’re ready to vanish.” He pinches the bridge of his nose, there’s a chattering earpiece Danny notes, “I’m sorry that you’ve had to endure this. Now are you still willing to talk about Phantom?”

Jazz hums once again looking at Danny, it’s his secret after all. “I guess, but can we wait for Mr. Allen? I think he should have some knowledge first hand.”

“If that makes you more comfortable,” the Bat nods. Then he squints through his cowl as he realizes the name drop. Danny just smiles, careful to cover the bottom of his teeth with his lips so the sharp points go unseen.

He and Jazz pick at their homework under the Bat’s watch for about half and hour, even the fastest man alive cannot rush food service workers unwilling to be rushed. The Flash knocks with a cheer when he arrives, holding up the to go orders when Danny looks through the peephole of the door.

Danny opens the door and puts his hands out to receive his and Jazz’s orders and the hero hands them over in a- well- a flash. He doesn’t attempt to bypass the routine anymore after the first two days where he lost out to Danny’s paranoia. It’s bad for teens under hero care to only eat at school after all. He’s fast to toss part of Jazz’s order, dropping it in the waste bin, and replace it with some of his own portion.

When he finally hands it to Jazz, the eyes of the heroes on him, he answers her quirked brow succinctly. “Valarie has a kitchen shift at Nasty Burger this afternoon, she works the fryer on her after school shifts.”

“Still?” Jazz’s shoulders drop, disappointed by the replacement of her fries for the tater tots from Danny’s order. Notably from a restaurant in the outskirts of Amity. “Someday someone is going to have a reaction to the denatured anti-ecto compound. I mean really it may be food based but that doesn’t mean it’s safe it’s still ectoplasmic never mind the mild radioactivity.”

Danny shrugs, “I mean it’s not like she’s dumping the stuff in there it’s just…” He glances at the adults who are squinting at their Nasty Burger food. “She washes her hands with a repellent because her suit is powered with ectoplasm, which is correct protocol. Just often and it’s a build up effect.”

That makes Flash frown, “Shouldn’t she know this? I mean you’re parents made that stuff, it has all the labels necessary I check when I evaluated her gear.”

Jazz hums. “Not really. Our parents have never studied low level long term exposure to any ectoplasm components or compounds. Danny and I do that, it’s basic damage control, plus…” she picks up a tater tot with a scrunched brow. “Danny had an accident in the lab and we’ve been exposed literally since we were young. If our parents actually studied the ectoplasm they never would have backed the Anti-Ecto acts because as the law stands now everyone in Amity park who’s been exposed to a ghost sighting is considered under it. It’s just that no market or standard readers can actually read the baseline and as such the numbers are skewed to entity formation levels not exposure levels.”

The grown heroes blink at the impromptu lecture, and Danny huffs around his veggie burger. A crossover from Sam to Tucker’s dismay.

“Nice rant.”

There’s silence for a while only broken by the sounds of eating and the adults looking at each other in a failing attempt to express their alarm with facial expressions.

“Explain damage control please.” Batman’s voice is soft and gentle and very much intended not to spook. It doesn’t work and in fact by how Danny involuntarily snaps his head over the natural ninety degrees to look at him, only barely correcting the action to disguise it, the tone does the opposite.

“Mr. Wayne, Valarie has equivalent abilities to a level 4 ghost at best. That’s the lower end if we work in the standard 11 point scale.” Danny snips his words, “The regulars scale from 2 to 7. They show up for play. The aggressors that come through now are easily 10s at minimum and they are smarter, the fights are only after they’ve been disrupted and by that point the fight is done already because Phantom is a ambush and pursuit predator. Based on what we know Phantom is pushing on the 11 point scale at hitting a 17.”

Jazz cuts in fork now filled with sad salad. “This is a territory hold pattern, Phantom spawned with the portal. He’s a new born by ghost standards, the regulars giving Valarie comeuppance are toddlers. We’ve drawn the attention of adults some of which have power levels like Trigon or Darksied. Phantom beat Pariah Dark who was worse.”

“So clean up in this case is us transporting blob ghosts around to filter feed the excess. Is doing research on decontamination methods to prevent long term effects.” Flash has dropped his fork in shock into his food. Batman is pale, and Danny can hear the way his com is garbling with the shouting of the listeners. The horror at the name drops that he and Jazz absolutely should not know.

A green sticky note appears on Danny’s forehead, making the heroes jump in alarm. “If it’s any consolation Clockwork likes us. Oh you’re going to have him in your records as Princess Diana’s grandfather Kronos.” A second sticky note appears on Jazz’s cheek.

The chatter gets louder in Batman’s ear.

—————————————————

I imagine that Oracle and the bat kids were listening in to later make fun of Batman. But we’re forced to be quiet by another JL hero who was taking notes down of the conversation. That didn’t last obviously.

Prompt

The justice league FINALLY investigates Amity, and realizes that they’ve made a grave mistake by letting a burgeoning hero shoulder a large problem without any training or support. They rectify this immediately by offering a position in the JL along with an assortment of mentors and other teen heroes to bond with.

Red Huntress receives this invitation in front of Phantom, while actively trying to hunt him down.

#dpxdc #my writing

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maureenmc1 · 1 year ago

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The Only Father's Day Story I Have

My mother was a monster and my father was a ghost, so holidays are not happy days for me. Both of my parents were drunks and both had explosive tempers when they drank. As a child, I thought that I had to give my parents on their "special day." Since my mother favored store-bought gifts over handmade ones and my father simply did not care, my childish efforts at gift-giving tended to be met with open derision or stony silence.

My father in particular was a paradox. He had wanted to be a doctor but his mother forced him to go to Georgia Tech and become a mechanical engineer. Over the years he became more and more unhappy with his occupation and finally gave it up to enter into his true vocation: owning a liquor store in a rundown area close to downtown Atlanta.

As time went on, my father's political beliefs began to change. He went from being a run-of-the-mill Republican to becoming a member of the John Birch Society. He didn't speak much at home, but when he did, it was to rail against the Catholics and the Jews, and of course, people of color. He used the N-word prolifically. He also introduced me to a wide range of racial and ethnic slurs that hurtfully rang in my tiny ears.

The year I turned seventeen, I graduated from high school and enrolled at the University of Georgia. I made good my escape although it pained me to leave my siblings in the clutches of my mother. Shortly after I graduated, my father well and truly ghosted his family. He moved to Florida where he could not be dunned for child support. My mother had not worked since she was a Rosie the Riveter in Warner Robins, Georgia, building aircraft for the U.S. armed forces during World War II. Before he left, my father cleaned out the family bank account. This left my mother with no money, no job, a mortgage to pay and four children in elementary and high school.

I cut ties with my mother after I came home for Christmas during my junior year at UGA. Pretty much since I could remember, her holiday routine had consisted of everyone opening the presents under the tree and a big family breakfast, followed by her beating the shit out of me. She used to avoid bruising any area that would show in public. This year, though, she didn't give a damn about what the people in Athens thought, so she sent me back to school with a split lip and cuts and bruises all over my body.

From that point on, I lived in Athens full-time. Life was good. I had a wonderful group of friends. Most of them did not know about my home life, but they graciously took me to theirs to meet their parents. University courses were the sustenance I had been craving, so along with my major political science courses, I branched out into journalism, pottery, and many philosophy classes. My battered heart began to heal. Every day was one of exploration and wonderment.

Life was not easy, but I had the energy and enthusiasm to meet the challenges that inevitably came to a poor college student. For employment the summer after my junior year, I applied to work for the Urban Corps in Atlanta. This was a program where college students interned for nonprofits. In my case, I applied to work in the Wheat Street Garden Apartments, which was owned by Wheat Street Baptist Church.

For those unfamiliar with Atlanta geography, Wheat Street is next door to Ebeneezer Baptist, the church where Daddy King and Martin Luther King, Jr. preached. While in high school, I taught the two oldest King, Jr. children how to swim at the first integrated day camp in Atlanta. Coretta came to pick the children most days, always asking me to report on their deportment. A year later, she asked me to work for a few days at the SCLC office because the files were a mess and needed to reorganized.

I did not have a car so I either took the bus or walked everywhere. The SCLC office was located in the same block ad the Royal Peacock club and a Black radio station. I would walk down there from Peachtree Street, about a mile away. There is something very special about Sweet Auburn Avenue and the best way to experience it is on foot.

Reverend John Howard and another person from the church interviewed people seeking the Urban Corps position at Wheat Street. Their first question to me was, "How did you get here today?" I told them about my very pleasant walk. Before I left the interview, they told me I was hired. I am convinced that walking down Sweet Auburn got me the job.

I was hired as one of a team of seven people who would be working in the housing project. My title was Social Work Assistant. My job encompassed helping people get assistance from the proper governmental agencies, as well checking on the residents and settling any disputes among them. I also got to work with the kids and the local gang.

A few weeks into the summer, Reverend Howard asked to speak to me privately. Our headquarters for the summer was a nearly empty apartment. We sat on the floor for our team meetings, but one room had two chairs in it. This is where Reverend Howard would hold one-on-one counselling sessions with anyone who needed advice about their job.

After everyone else left, we went into the room with the chairs and sat down. I will never forget what he said next. "Maureen, Bettye and I have been talking. We would like to adopt you. We can't legally do it, of course, but we want you to become a part of our family. You can spend all your holidays with us, and when you need help, we will be here for you, just as if we were your real parents. You've never really had a father, and I want to be that for you, if you will let me."

I sat there as tears began running down my cheeks. After a few moments, I said, "Yes. I would like that very much." "Good," he replied, "Now you'd better get to work. The lady in 307 thinks her neighbor is trying to put a voodoo hex on her. I told her you will be up to see her this morning."

Nothing else was said. Nothing else needed to be said. For the next few weeks, I was thrilled. I had a father. And a mother. There were people in this world who loved and wanted me! Just for myself! The world was expanding into vast new possibilities. I felt incredibly blessed.

A few weeks later, it was the first of the month. Reverend Howard went to the rent office so that people could drop off their rent. A gunman entered, took the rent money, and shot Reverend Howard dead.

It was a Saturday and I went to Athens to look for housing for the coming year. When the team was finally able to get in touch with me, I sped back to Atlanta, straight to the projects. Ben and Dennis, two of my team members, and I spent the night walking through Wheat Street Gardens, consoling and commiserating with some people, and talking down others who swaggered around with their guns in plain sight, making vague threats.

It was a tense night, and an even more tense day the next day. Bettye decided to bury John in a private service, with just their son Ben and her attending. Within a few weeks, Bettye would also die. I have always believed she died of a broken heart.

I only had a father for a few weeks, but within time I got a tiny glimmer of what it looks like to have a father's love. It wasn't much, but it was enough. On this Father's Day, i would like to say, "God bless you, John Rogers Howard and Bettye Howard. May you and all beings be well and happy upon whatever plane you may dwell."

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reaperintheroses · 2 years ago

Text

The meeting

~Next Part

@psychshawnjuleshanluke requested a drabble series with rooster x mavericks daughter who's also a pilot. Here's the first part. (Also friendly little disclaimer regardless of how much I shit on the navy please realize that it's very similar to a sibling rivalry. Many people in the different branches of the military do things that other branches couldn't even fathom let alone want to do. That being said, army is the best). As previously stated I made the divider myself, you are more than welcome to use it please just give me credit Warnings: swearing like once I think. I didn't actually look and check but knowing me it's possible. Also before you get confused, according to google Phoenix's first name is Natasha. I don't think they ever actually say it in the movie but you tend to not refer to yourself as your own callsign soooo.

When you were invited to attend Top Gun, you had a very fast realization after the initial excitement ran its course. Regardless of your parentage and your last name, you were going to have to work equally as hard to be respected. You had thirteen weeks. Thirteen weeks to make your mark on this school and build your reputation as a Naval Aviator. It was likely that you would be the only woman in your class. Regardless of what your colleagues liked to sneer at you, you definitely weren't there to find love, just to become a better pilot. Your father had warned you about the type of pilots that frequented Top Guns halls, and regardless of the undying love you had for him, you also knew that you were the result of a one night stand with a girl whose name your father didn't remember till a year later, when you were suddenly dropped into his life. Top Gun was for the best of the best. The top one percent. You just had to be better.

Top Gun: Week Two

As your wheels made connections with the landing strip, you felt like you could finally breathe again. For the third time in a row, you were the only one who had been able to defeat Warlock in long distance dogfight training.

You had felt a distinct satisfaction at pressing that red button and announcing "That's a shot," into your radio. As you sat back and let your plane be taxied and placed in the correct spot, you grinned under your mask. You climbed out of your plane and climbed down the ladder. Unclipping your chin strap on your helmet, you placed it on the ground next to you as you nodded to the landing attendant. You cracked your bones into place before beginning basic maintenance on your plane. The longer you could spend outside and avoid the hostile stares of your peers, the better. Especially Hangman. You worked until the sun had already begun to disappear below the horizon. You wiped your hand across your forehead to rid yourself of the sweat that had begun to gather there. You bent down and picked up your helmet before giving your plane one last glance. You nodded, pleased with your work before turning around on your heel and making your way back inside the base. As you opened the door you looked quickly to your left and right before walking inside. You made sure to keep your steps light in case anyone was hanging out in the breakroom. You made your way to the dorms making fast work of opening your door. You smiled in the relief that the air conditioning provided. You raised your eyebrows at the distinct lack of your roommate when you spotted a yellow sticky note on your lamp shade. Walking over you picked it up and chuckled at the message.

"Hey, I went to grab a bite to eat with that cute bartender we met last weekend. If I play my cards right I shouldn't be back until tomorrow morning. XOXO- Natasha."

Phoenix had spent all night talking to that girl, so you were glad that she was able to get her number. You unzipped your fly suit and let it drop to the ground, stepping out of it before kicking it to the corner of your room. You grabbed a random pair of sweatpants that were lying on your floor before reaching under your bed for the extra storage that you had placed there containing some towels and your shower caddy. You placed both items on your bed as you bent back down and switched to the other bin containing various items of non-uniform clothing. You grabbed a sweatshirt advertising your old Navy base and a pair of gym shorts. You tucked those along with your towel underneath your arm before using your other hand to grab your caddy.

You felt so much better after your shower. Regardless of the fact that you had grown up in the sky, you still felt disgusting after multiple hours spent in your heavy flight suit under the hot sun. You glanced at your reflection in the mirror as you combed your hair, making sure to smooth out the various knots that had accumulated from the sweat and helmet hair. You tucked your hair behind your ears as you dropped your comb into your shower caddy. You quickly tied up your hair into a braid to keep it out of your face as you slept before gathering all of your belongings. You opened the locker room door and looked out into the hall before making the walk back to the dorm hall. You reached out your hand to your doorknob when someone behind you cleared their throat. You turned around with curiosity before smiling.

Rooster smiled back at you as you turned back around to retire to your dorm for the night. "Hey good work up there, Vixen, you have to teach me that maneuver sometime." You reached a hand up to your face to tuck your hair behind your ears before quickly dropping it again when you realized it was pulled too far back from your face. "Thanks, that- uh that means a lot." You rolled your lip between your teeth as he raised his eyebrows at you. "Well anyway, have a goodnight." You nodded before turning back around to your door. "You too, Bradley," you only realized a moment too late that he had already shut his door.

"It's just awkward because we grew up together, and then my dad pulled his papers from the academy and he just stopped talking to me." You hugged your pillow to your chest as you looked across the room to where Phoenix was trying to catch a piece of popcorn in her mouth. It had been three days since Rooster had complimented you and you couldn't get his face out of your head. "Well you guys seem to get along fine everytime I see you interact." You rolled your eyes at the statement. "Well sure, but that's more just him being polite. You should've seen how close we were in highschool."

She raised an eyebrow at you from her place on her bed. "When you say close do you mean," she trailed off at the end of her sentence. "Nothing other than close, we were just really good friends." She raised her eyebrows at you, "How bad was your crush on him?" You snorted, "I had it so bad for him, lasted from eighth grade until I went to the academy and he didn't." She threw more popcorn in her mouth. "Well what's so wrong with liking him now," you leveled a glare at her. "Besides the fact that we aren't seventeen anymore," you fell down on your side before rolling onto your back, "he hates my dad and by extension hates me, falling for him wouldn't get me anywhere." Phoenix huffed before tilting the popcorn bag up to dump more in her mouth. "You have no way of proving that he hates you unless you ask him. You'll never know his true feelings until you ask." You huffed at the statement before reaching to your desk to shut off your lamp. "Just think about it, I'm not telling you to actively thirst after him at every waking moment but don't deny feelings based on a non-credible hunch. Sleep well." You sighed at her words before twisting off the lamp. You shut your eyes to try and get some sleep before your five AM wake-up call, but instead all you saw was his face and all you heard was his warm laugh.

Top Gun: Week Four

Every waking moment that wasn't spent thinking about flying or actually flying was spent thinking about Rooster. Anything about him. Did he still use the old spice body wash? What did he do while you were at the academy? Did he think about you like this too? You missed being around him; you missed breathing the same air as him. As the weeks went on and your crush on Bradley intensified, you knew that you were done for. You knew that this was going to end in someone getting heart broken.

You looked over to the sink counter where your phone rested while you were getting ready. You had twenty more minutes until you had to leave to make it to your dad's house on time for dinner. Regardless of where you went or what the Navy threw in your face, your dad always found some way to follow you, and Top Gun was no different. You looked up in the mirror, deeming your makeup exceptional enough. You pushed your hair past your shoulders before packing up your toiletries. You put them back in your locker before shutting it. You turned to give yourself one final once over before walking out of the locker room and making your way to the parking lot.

"So, how's class going?" You look up from your plate at your fathers words. "Um it's going good, I'm doing pretty well." He nodded as he scooped up some salad onto his fork. You took a sip of wine as you waited for the inevitable question. "Nothing too difficult?" You shook your head as you raised your eyebrows at him. He opened his mouth and you rolled your eyes at him. "Bradley's fine, dad." His shoulders sagged slightly. "I invited him to come eat with us again, he didn't even open the message." You tilted your head as you continued to eat. "Can you really blame him? You set him back years in his career." He shut his eyes as you continued to eat. "He hasn't been shot out of the sky, he's an adult and he's not your responsibility anymore." Your dad looked at you with raw emotions in his eyes. You'd only seen him look at you like that at other times in your life. When he told you the true story of your mother and when news reached him of Carol's death. Under the surface you knew how your father was feeling. You wanted nothing more than for everything to go back to how it was in high school. When Bradley would go watch sports in the basement with your dad while Carol would teach you how to grill. Your dad looked back down to his empty plate fighting the tears that you were sure crowded his waterline. You put your fork down on your napkin and reached across the table to grab his hand. "Who knows, he'll probably come around one day. You've been in his life too long for him not to." Your father turned a smile towards you as you drained the rest of your wine glass. "I'll clean up in here, why don't you pick a movie for us to watch before I have to go back."

Top Gun: Week Five

Today's training exercise was a repeat of the past few weeks. You knew that today was going to be another late night to avoid your peers and their leering words whispered behind your back. Right as you had opened the maintenance panel and begun to assess what needed extra work, you heard a set of footsteps approaching you. Great, they had figured out your hiding spot. You heard someone clear their throat behind you. You turned around with your wrench in hand, hoping to convey that you were busy and wanted to be left alone.

"Hey Vixen, that was some great work up there." You raised your eyebrows at Bradley's kind words. He's been complimenting you and reaching out to you more in the last two weeks. You knew it wasn't nearly the same as it had been, but it was a step in the right direction. "Thanks, it definitely pays off that I was basically raised in the cockpit." he chuckled at your words as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Hey so listen, I had a question for you." You nodded before placing the wrench on the ground to show him he had your full attention. "Sure, what's up?" His tongue darted out to lick his lips, he almost seemed to be stalling.

"So I know I've been distant for a few years and it wasn't fair to you at all-" you nodded along to his words, not denying the statement- "I would totally understand because of all of that if you wanted to say no but would you want to go out with me sometime?" You blinked at him, allowing your mind a moment to catch up to his words. He went from barely speaking to you to asking you out within the span of five weeks. "Yes! I mean, that would be great. I can give you my number." He raised his eyebrows at you. "Has it changed?" You shook your head; your emotions were still reeling. "No, that's right you probably still have it. No, my number hasn't changed. Text me when you have availability?" He nodded before running a hand through his hair. "I'll do that, have a good night if I don't see you." Your fingers started twitching from their place at your sides. "Yeah, you too." Did that really just happen? You had to go home. You had to figure out what you were going to wear and- oh God, what would your dad say?

#robins topgun sleepover #topgun maverick #rooster x reader #rooster x you #rooster x yn #bradley bradshaw x you #bradley bradshaw x reader #top gun rooster #top gun requests #bradley bradshaw x yn

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chuuyrr · 3 years ago

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Hi ate Chu! Gusto ko lang pong sabihin na napapasaya mo po ang aking araw pag nakikita ko ung post mo po sa feed ko, parang boost of serotonin hehe~ lalo na pagkatapos ng aking oc at paggawa ng modules! Keep up the good work stay safe and i love you po!

Can i request for baby Fushiguro getting clingy with megumi because he was away for "too long" but it's been only 4 days so baby fushiguro won't leave his side because he will be away again after 3 days.

-Em💤

clingy! scarlet witch! baby fushiguro! reader feat. megumi

jujutsu kaisen x reader

masterlist of the series

warning(s): none, just fluff

ah, thank you so much em for the cute request! sorry if late ko ng nasulat request mo (kakaloka finals mhie jusq po opo) goodluck sa school and stay safe din! ilyt :) <3

tbh this prompt reminded me of my toddler self, i remember my mom telling me a story of how i cried and didn't want her to go when she was about to leave me in class, so she stayed behind with me at my nursery class and helped the teacher look after the other children too aka my classmates because they wanted their moms and dads 😭

gojo is not the only one you were attached to. in fact, you have an attachment with your half-older brother, megumi.

you'd always looked forward to getting babysat by him since you loved his company that much. you don't mind staying in with him at his dorm whenever he insists he doesn't want to go out, you just liked being around him so anywhere is fine.

though he may not say it out loud, he likes being around his baby sibling too :)

growing up, gojo made sure that you had a good relationship with megumi. he does his best to incorporate the two of you in each other's lives. so he makes sure you see and spend some quality time with megumi as much as possible everyday in a week.

however, this week, you haven't been able to hang out with your brother or let alone see him. gojo told you that he had a very important mission with his friends, yuji and nobara.

it saddened you, since there wasn't a time wherein you don't get to see him. it also made you very pouty because megumi never told you anything about his mission. it took him and his friends four days.

when gojo noticed your sullen face, he brought you along with him to welcome megumi and his friends back home from their mission as promised.

and the moment you saw megumi get off the train station? you didn't just bolt towards him, you subconsciously used your wiggly-woos to teleport and tackle his legs in a tight bear hug, instantly making grabby hands and demanding to be picked up.

"[name]! gojo-sensei!"

"gumi-nii, up-up! now!"

gojo approached megumi and his other two students, explaining how you terribly missed him that you barely ate and ended up pouting for the most part no matter how your father tried to cheer you up with your favorite desserts and new toys.

yuji and nobara cried in awe, cooing at how cute and clingy you were towards your brother, but they earned a whack on the back of their heads from megumi.

"what a clingy baby! so cute!"

"OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

you were incredibly happy to see him again and you absolutely loved the tight, bear hug he gave you after carrying you in his arms.

but, then you heard gojo say this.

"megumi, nobara, yuji, rest up good for a job well done. you three deserve it! but you three will be going on a mission again sooner later and it might take three days."

the moment you heard your father say that, your clinginess with your brother worsened. he had just gotten home and suddenly, megumi was going away again? it was unacceptable.

what were you going to do about that? never leave his side. ever.

at first, megumi and gojo didn't mind when you asked (more like insisted) to sleep over at your brother's since they knew how much you missed megumi.

but then, you started to literally cling onto him like a baby koala.

it was amusingly funny, your brother would stand up and you'd instantly run up to him to hold onto his leg. yuji and nobara would laugh and cry in awe at the sight of a clingy, baby [name] and confused, megumi.

wherever megumi goes, you are either fisting the fabric of his shirt while standing beside him, holding onto his leg, latched onto his arm or clinging to his torso. the only time you actually let him go is when you have to use the bathroom, but you make him wait outside.

a bit contradicting because when it was megumi's turn to use the bathroom, you'd refuse to let go of him and whine.

"no! don't leave me!"

"[name], i need to use the bathroom! i need to pee."

it also got to the point wherein gojo was going to pick you up now and you refused to let go of megumi, your tiny arms locked around his neck securely and legs hooked around his torso, claiming that you want to be with your brother.

"kikufuku, baby, it's time for us to go home. say goodbye to megumi and his friends!"

"no! i want to stay with gumi-nii!"

gojo was in awe of your persistent and clingy behavior towards megumi. he had never seen you act in such a way before. it was adorable and he definitely snapped a couple of pictures of you clinging onto megumi much to your brother's embarrassment.

but your brother really had to go and leave you this time.

"no, don't leave me again.."

"[name], it's going to be okay. i'll be back before you know it."

"i'm going to miss you.. please, let me go with you! i'll protect you, yuji-nii and nobara-nee."

you started to tear up and eventually broke down into a sob as gojo pulled you away from megumi. your father hushed you down, soothing you with comforting words and gentle rubs on your back.

yuji and nobara may or may not have had tears in their eyes when you included them in your sentence.

megumi was deeply touched by your words. you clearly loved him with all your heart, but even if you were a powerful force to be reckoned with. you were still a baby, you were still inexperienced with what you can do with your chaos magic.

most importantly, he's your older brother. he's not going to let anything happen to you and just like gojo, he wants you to be safe. so, he can't just reckless bring you with him. (and it's not like gojo will allow it either)

megumi took you from gojo's arms and cradled you, wiping away your tears before patting your head and much to everyone's surprise, he flashed you a genuine smile; a once in a blue moon, precious smile of his.

you were that special to him to be able to see his smile.

once you had calmed down, megumi explained to you the best he can why he couldn't bring you along and why he has to go away again for three days for a mission. he also made sure to promise you that he'll spoil you once he comes home.

"i will always come back to you and gojo-sensei, so please don't cry [name]."

"promise?"

"i promise."

after a lot of convincing and negotiations, you had finally let megumi go but not until he gave you a kiss on the top of your head and left you to gojo.

megumi is expecting a lot of hugs from his baby sibling when he comes home and he'll see to it to get you lots of souvenirs when he returns along with yuji and nobara.

since then, whenever megumi is away, you'd remember his promise. you started eating and playing as usual once again because you didn't want to make your brother worry. you needed to be in good health and spirit when he comes back because how else were you two going to bond and play if you weren't okay?

gojo is absolutely happy to see up and about again. he's also glad to see the soft and caring side of megumi since that boy rarely shows affection even as a child.

#jjk fanfic #jjk x y/n #jjk #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk x you platonic #jujutsu megumi #jujutsu kaisen x y/n #jujutsu kaisen gojo #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #megumi x reader #megumi x y/n #megumi x you #megumi jjk #megumi headcanons #megumi hcs

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fannish-karmiya · 3 years ago

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Wei Wuxian’s Position in the Jiang Household

Fandom tends to mischaracterise Wei Wuxian’s position in the Jiang family greatly. A lot of people project more modern ideas about adoption onto his relationship with the Jiang siblings, and write as if he really is their sibling and only Yu Ziyuan’s abusive nature gets in the way of their bond.

This strikes me as a bit misguided. While adoption was practised in ancient China, it was mainly for the purpose of obtaining a male heir in the absence of one, or obtaining more daughters to marry off for alliances. Jiang Fengmian had no reason to adopt Wei Wuxian into the main family, and he didn’t. Wei Wuxian’s position in the household is far more nebulous than that, and honestly it’s hard to find an exact corollary, in Chinese history or in any culture, precisely because it was so messy and ill-defined.

A Companion to Upper Class Children

Wei Wuxian is the son of a servant of Yunmeng Jiang; it’s notable that Wei Changze is always referred to this way, rather than as a disciple. Wei Changze wound up leaving the sect in order to marry Cangse Sanren, and Jiang Fengmian considered them dear enough friends that when he heard they passed away, he spent years searching for their orphaned son. He wound up finding Wei Wuxian on the streets of Yiling and brought him home as his ward.

Wei WuXian was taken home by Jiang FengMian when he was nine.

Most memories from back then were already blurred. Yet, Jin Ling’s mother, Jiang YanLi, remembered all of them, and even told him quite a few.

She said that, after his father heard of the news that his parents both died in battle, he had always dedicated himself to finding the child that these past friends had left behind. After searching for a while, he finally found the child in Yiling.

(Chapter 24, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear from the start that beyond this sense of obligation to his old friends, Jiang Fengmian also had a role set out for Wei Wuxian: he wanted him to be a companion to his children, and Jiang Cheng in particular.

He encourages a friendship between them, insisting on a sleepover between the two a week into Wei Wuxian’s stay.

On the second day, Jiang Cheng’s puppies were given to someone else.

This angered Jiang Cheng so much that he threw a big tantrum. No matter how much Jiang FengMian comforted him gently, telling him that they should ‘be good friends’, he refused to talk to Wei WuXian. Quite a few days later, Jiang Cheng’s attitude softened. Jiang FengMian wanted to strike while the iron was still hot, so he told Wei WuXian to sleep in the same room as him, hoping that they’d grow fonder of each other.

[...]

That night, Jiang Cheng locked Wei WuXian outside his room, refusing to let him in.

[...]

Wei WuXian waited outside for a long time. When the door opened, before the joy could spread onto his face, he was bombarded with a pile of things being thrown out. The door banged shut again.

Jiang Cheng told him from inside, “Go sleep somewhere else! This is my room! You’re even gonna steal my room?!”

[...]

Standing outside, as Wei WuXian heard that dogs would come bite him, fear immediately bubbled within him. Twisting his fingers, he hurried, “I’ll go, I’ll go. Don’t call the dogs!”

Dragging behind him the sheets and blanket that were thrown outside, he ran out the hall. Having only arrived at Lotus Pier for a short period of time, he didn’t dare jump around yet. Every day, he obediently holed up in the places that Jiang FengMian told him to stay at. He didn’t even know where his room was, much less have the courage to knock on other people’s doors, scared that it’d disturb someone’s dreams.

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

After Jiang Cheng is worried about getting in trouble, he goes to Jiang Yanli for help, and she searches for Wei Wuxian.

But this was the first pair of shoes that Jiang FengMian bought him. Wei WuXian was too embarrassed to make him go out of his way to buy another pair, and so he said that they weren’t too big. Jiang YanLi helped him into his shoe and pressed the hollow tip, “It is a bit big. I’ll fix it for you when we get back.”

Hearing this, Wei WuXian felt somewhat uneasy, as if he did something wrong again.

Living in other people’s homes, the worst that could happen was to make trouble for the hosts.

Jiang YanLi put him onto her back and began to walk back, wobbling in her steps as she spoke, “A-Ying, no matter what A-Cheng said to you, don’t bother about him. He doesn’t have a good temper, so he’s always home playing with himself. Those puppies were his favorites. Dad sent them away, and so he’s feeling upset. He’s actually really happy that somebody’s here to be with him.”

(Chapter 71, Exiled Rebels translation)

Later, Wei Wuxian offers to cover for him, saying simply that he ran outside by himself because he was scared. In this one case it feels like a genuine instance of children showing solidarity and covering for each other’s little misbehaviours. But it also follows a pattern of Wei Wuxian doing this and making excuses, time and time again, for Jiang Cheng. I wonder if on some level, he already knew that his role in the household was in part to be a companion-servant to Jiang Cheng.

Wei Wuxian normally never puts up with people treating him poorly or being arrogant; he constantly bites his tongue when Jiang Cheng does so around him. While they study at Cloud Recesses, Jiang Cheng frequently insults Wei Wuxian, who always just smiles and laughs it off.

Jiang Cheng humphed, “Him? He wakes at nine in the morning and sleeps at one during the night. When he wakes up, he doesn’t practice his sword or meditate; he goes boating, swims around, picks lotus seedpods, and hunts for pheasants.”

Wei WuXian replied, “No matter how much pheasants I hunt, I’m still number one.”

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng scolded with a darkened expression, “What are you proud of?! What is there to be proud of with this?! Do you think that it’s a glorious thing to be told by someone to get lost? You bring so much shame upon our sect!”

(Chapter 16, Exiled Rebels translation)

We never see Wei Wuxian excusing this sort of behaviour from any other character; he has no problem scolding Jin Ling for his arrogant attitude and telling him that he shouldn’t be imitating his uncle, after all! It’s only where Jiang Cheng is concerned that he does this, and honestly, even then he seems to be quite aware that Jiang Cheng’s behaviour is wrong; he simply accepts on some level that it’s his role in the household to put up with it.

He actually does, very gently, try to guide Jiang Cheng at times. In Lotus Seed Pods, for example, he tries to give Jiang Cheng advice on how to flirt with some of the maidens in Yunmeng and make friends:

Wei WuXian threw the seed pods toward the shore. It was a far distance, but they landed lightly in the women’s hands. He grabbed a few more and stuffed them into Jiang Cheng’s arms, shoving, “What are you doing, just standing there? Hurry up.”

After a few shoves, Jiang Cheng could only accept them, “Hurry up and do what?”

Wei WuXian, “You ate the watermelon too, so you also have to return the gift, don’t you? Here, here, don’t be embarrassed. Start throwing, start throwing.”

Jiang Cheng snorted again, “You must be joking. What’s there to be embarrassed about?” Whatever he said, however, even after all of the shidi began to throw seed pods, he still didn’t start to move. Wei WuXian urged, “Then throw some! If you throw some this time, next time you can ask them if the seed pods tasted good, and you’ll be able to make conversation again!”

[...]

Jiang Cheng was just about to throw one when he realized how shameless it was the moment he heard it. He peeled a seed pod and ate it by himself.

[...]

After a while of laughter, he turned around and looked at Jiang Cheng, who was sitting at the front of the boat eating seed pods with a long face. His smile gradually disappeared as he sighed, “Well, what an unteachable child.”

Jiang Cheng fumed, “So what if I want to eat alone?”

Wei WuXian, “Look at you, Jiang Cheng. Nevermind. You’re hopeless. Just wait to eat alone your whole life!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even sighs rather disappointedly when Jiang Cheng refuses to take the hint; he knows that Jiang Cheng’s sullen behaviour is going to make him miserable down the line, but all of his gentle efforts to nudge him in a better direction have failed.

He also speaks with great awareness of Jiang Cheng’s flaws after the fight in the ancestral hall:

Wei WuXian reached out with one hand and massaged his chest, as if trying to break up the pent-up feeling inside his heart. A moment later, he blurted, “I knew Jiang Cheng wouldn’t have let us go so easily. That brat… How could this be?!”

[...]

Wei WuXian’s eyelids throbbed, “Every one of them. The brat’s been like this ever since he was young.He’ll say anything when he’s angry, no matter how bad it is. He gives up on all grace and discipline whatsoever. As long as it’d annoy whomever he’s against, he’d say it no matter what terrible insults he uses. After all these years, he hasn’t gotten better at all. Please don’t take it to heart.”

(Chapter 90, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is so interesting to me, because it really makes it clear that Wei Wuxian has always been aware of these flaws of Jiang Cheng’s. He hasn’t been viewing him through rose-coloured lenses or making excuses for him because he’s ‘family’. He puts up with Jiang Cheng’s behaviour because being his companion is one of his duties in the Jiang household. It may never have been directly stated, but there seems to be some unspoken understanding to this effect.

I honestly don’t know if there is any official role in history (in any culture, not just China) which perfectly correlates to this. In China a lady’s maid was expected to also be a close friend and companion to her mistress (in canon, see Bicao to Qin-furen and Yinzhu and Jinzhu to Yu-furen). In Europe an upper class woman would hire a lady’s companion, a woman from the lower fringes of the gentry who would serve as her companion in exchange for financial support.

I don’t know of any version of this role which involves two men. In general, this sort of role existed because upper class women were confined to the household by and large, and had very limited social spheres. Men, meanwhile, had much greater ability to meet with their peers and make friends. I almost feel like Wei Wuxian wound up being shoved into this role simply because even as a child Jiang Cheng was so unsociable that Jiang Fengmian didn’t know what else to do!

Wei Wuxian also at least once steps in and starts a fight in place of Jiang Cheng (essentially taking the fall for him). He does this when Jin Zixuan speaks disparagingly of Jiang Yanli at Cloud Recesses:

Jin ZiXuan asked in reply, “Why don’t you ask me how on Earth can I be satisfied with her?”

Jiang Cheng instantly stood up.

Pushing him to the side, Wei WuXian walked in front of him and sneered, “You sure think that you’re pretty satisfying, don’t you? Where did you get the guts to be all choosy here?”

[...]

Wei WuXian sighed, “… It’d be nice if shijie came. It’s fortunate that you didn’t hit him.”

Jiang Cheng, “I was going to. If you didn’t push me, the other side of Jin ZiXuan’s face would also be ruined.”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s also very notable that Wei Wuxian is never shown having friends outside of Jiang Cheng’s social circle, despite what an outgoing and friendly person he is. Any time he expresses interest in someone for himself, as with Lan Wangji, Jiang Cheng tries to nip it in the bud. Being unable to deter Wei Wuxian from Lan Wangji directly, Jiang Cheng instead tries to drive a wedge between them, constantly telling Wei Wuxian that Lan Wangji hates him.

“Yeah,” Nie HuaiSang spoke, “It looks like he really hates you, Wei-xiong. Lan WangJi usually… No, he never does something so impolite.”

Wei WuXian, “He hates me already? I wanted to apologize to him.”

Jiang Cheng sneered, “Apologizing now? Too late! Like his uncle, he surely thinks that you are evil and unruly to the core, and didn’t bother to pay you any attention.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng pulled him even closer, “It’s not as if you’re familiar with him! Don’t you see how much he hates you? You’re going to carry him? He probably doesn’t even want you a step closer to him.”

(Chapter 52, Exiled Rebels translation)

He even directly orders Wei Wuxian not to invite Lan Wangji to come visit him at Lotus Pier during the Lotus Seed Pod extra.

Wei WuXian, “Why are you so upset? My watermelon almost flew away! I was just being polite. Of course he wouldn’t come. Have you ever heard of him go anywhere by himself to have fun?”

Jiang Cheng had on a stern expression, “Let’s make this clear. I don’t want him to come, anyhow. Don’t invite him.”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not only Lan Wangji he tries to steer Wei Wuxian away from; he also interrupts his conversation with Wen Ning at the archery competition:

Wen QiongLin was probably one of Wen Clan’s disciples furthest in bloodline. His status was neither high nor low, yet his personality was timid. He didn’t dare do anything and even his speech stuttered. Through much practice, he had finally conjured up the courage to enter the competition, but he blew it because he was too nervous. If he didn’t receive the right guidance, perhaps the boy would hide his true self more and more from now on and never dare to perform in front of other people again. Wei WuXian encouraged him a couple of times and touched on a few areas of growth, correcting some miniscule problems that he had when he was shooting in the garden. Wen QiongLin listened so attentively that he didn’t even turn his eyes away, nodding uncontrollably.

Jiang Cheng, “Where did you find so much nonsense? The competition is starting soon. Get into the arena right now!”

Wei WuXian spoke to Wen QiongLin in a serious tone, “I’ll be off to the competition now. Later, you can see how I shoot when I’m in the arena…”

Jiang Cheng dragged him away, short of patience. He spat as he dragged, “See how you shoot? Do you think that you’re a model or something?!”

(Chapter 59, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even when it comes to Wei Wuxian’s friendly flirtation with Mianmian, Jiang Cheng has something to say and tries to deter him from her:

Jiang Cheng, “The one that MianMian gave you? I didn’t.”

Wei WuXian exclaimed his regret, “I’ll find her for another one later.”

Jiang Cheng frowned, “You’re at it again. You don’t really like her, do you? The girl does look fine, but it’s obvious that she doesn’t have much background. Maybe she isn’t even a disciple. She seems like the daughter of a servant.”

Wei WuXian, “What’s wrong with servants? I’m also the son of a servant, aren’t I?”

Jiang Cheng, “How can you compare to her? Whose servant is like you, having your master peel lotus seeds for you and boil you soup. I didn’t even get to have some!”

(Chapter 56, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng really does seem to view Wei Wuxian in a very proprietary light; he’s not allowed to have any friendships which don’t exist under Jiang Cheng’s direct control.

The idea that Wei Wuxian was meant to be Jiang Cheng’s servant-friend is reinforced at its darkest when Lotus Pier falls: both Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Fengmian’s last words to Wei Wuxian are an instruction to protect Jiang Cheng.

One hand holding him, Madam Yu grabbed Wei WuXian’s lapels with her other hand as though to strangle him to death. She spoke through clenched teeth, “… You damn little brat! I hate you! I hate you more than anything else! Look at what our sect has gone through for your sake!”

[...]

Madam Yu, “Don’t make such a fuss. It’ll loosen up when you’re somewhere safe. If anyone attacks you on the journey, it’ll protect you as well. Don’t come back. Go to Meishan straight away and find your sister!”

After she finished, she turned to Wei WuXian and pointed at him, “Wei Ying! Listen to me! Protect Jiang Cheng, protect him even if you die, do you understand?!”

[...]

Jiang FengMian stared into his eyes. Suddenly, he reached out. Only after pausing in the air did he finally touch Jiang Cheng’s head, slowly, “A-Cheng, be well.”

Wei WuXian, “Uncle Jiang, if anything happens to you, he won’t be well.”

Jiang FengMian turned his eyes to him, “A-Ying, A-Cheng… you must look after him.”

(Chapter 58, Exiled Rebels translation)

Even Jiang Fengmian, who supposedly favoured Wei Wuxian, only gives him instructions as pertains to his own son; he doesn’t spare a single last word for Wei Wuxian himself.

A Lower Status Family Member

It wasn’t uncommon throughout human history, across many cultures, for wealthy families to take in relatives who were orphaned or had otherwise fallen on hard times. They tended to have a lower status than the main family; they lived with them and were still a part of their social sphere, but were not quite equal, either. The English term for this is ‘poor relation’.

Obviously, Wei Wuxian isn’t actually a blood relative at all. But his position in the Jiang household definitely has some similarities. He lives in the main house, eats meals with the family, attends school with the son... He is even on some conditional levels accepted into the gentry of cultivation society. But he isn’t a full equal member of the family, either.

The fact that he’s Jiang Fengmian’s ward, not a blood relative or adopted into the main family, puts him at even more of a disadvantage. It seems that Jiang Fengmian paid for all of Wei Wuxian’s expenses:

Wei WuXian took a bite, “Back then, I didn’t even have to pay when I ate at the dock. I grabbed whatever I wanted, ate whatever I wanted; ran after I grabbed, walked as I ate. A month later, the vendor would get the reimbursement from Uncle Jiang.”

(Chapter 86, Exiled Rebels translation)

While this is a bit of conjecture, I gather that he was given access to family money as if he was part of the clan, and could just charge Yunmeng Jiang whenever he shopped in Lotus Pier. Which is great so long as Wei Wuxian is accepted in Yunmeng Jiang...but as we see during the Burial Mounds settlement period, the moment that acceptance fades, Wei Wuxian is left out in the cold without a single coin. And because he isn’t a member of the family, it’s a far easier matter for him to be thrown aside, as he was when Jiang Cheng grew angry with him over his decision to protect the Wens.

Of course, Chinese families traditionally did share their wealth, and still do nowadays. Ideally, in a loving family, this is a positive and means they all support each other; but when that isn’t the case, it leaves the victims of abuse vulnerable.

In Wei Wuxian’s case, he has some of the benefits of being a member of the Jiang clan, without ever actually being a member. He can be cast aside at any time, and he is never afforded the same respect by wider cultivation society which an inner clan member would have.

I don’t believe the novel ever directly addresses Wei Wuxian’s acceptance into the guest lectures at Cloud Recesses in this light, but the donghua actually has a very interesting little exchange about it which takes place between Nie Huaisang and a relative of his:

“Wei-xiong is just a disciple from Yunmeng. Why could he come to Gusu to study?”

“Wei-xiong is the son of Jiang-zongzhu’s old friend. He has been treated as their own son.”

“Oh, I see. That explains why they don’t look like master and servant, they seem like brothers.”

(MDZS Donghua, Episode 3, Guodong Subs)

Wei Wuxian was only allowed to attend these lectures, which seem to mainly be for sect heirs and inner clan members, on the grace of being Jiang Fengmian’s ward (and probably to accompany Jiang Cheng). While this exchange is not from the book, we never do see or hear about any of the other students being outer disciples rather than members of the main clan. Here’s what the novel had to say about it:

In that year, aside from the YunmengJiang Sect, there were also the young masters from other clans, sent to study here from parents who heard of the reputation. The young masters were all around fifteen or sixteen. Because the sects all knew the others, although they weren’t close, they had seen others’ faces before. It was widely known that, although Wei WuXian’s surname was not Jiang, he was the leading disciple of the sect leader of the YunmengJiang Sect—Jiang FengMian, and also the son of his friend who had passed away. In fact, the sect leader regarded him as his own child. This, along with how youths were not as concerned with status and ancestry as elders, they were soon friends. Only a few sentences passed, and everyone started to call others older brothers or younger brothers.

(Chapter 13, Exiled Rebels translation)

And Wei Wuxian isn’t treated as an equal at school, either; when he and his friends get up to mischief, he’s frequently the only one punished. Nie Huaisang even notes that Lan Qiren seems to be far harder on him than the other students:

Nie HuaiSang spoke, “Why does it seem like old man Lan is especially strict towards you? He always directs his scoldings at you.”

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

And we see Wei Wuxian being the sole one punished out of a group taken for granted by his friends multiple times:

As a result of cheating notes flying everywhere in the air, Lan WangJi suddenly attacked during the test, and caught a few initiators of the commotion. Lan QiRen exploded with anger, writing letters to the prominent clans to tell on them. He loathed Wei WuXian—in the beginning, although these disciples could hardly sit still, at least nobody started anything, and their buttocks were able to stick to their legs. However, now that Wei Ying came, the originally spineless brats were influenced by his encouragement, venturing out at night and drinking alcohol however they pleased. The unhealthy practices grew greater and greater. As he had expected, Wei Ying was one of the biggest threats to humanity!

Jiang FengMian replied, “Ying has always been like this. Please take care to discipline him, Mr. Lan.”

And so, Wei WuXian was punished again.

(Chapter 14, Exiled Rebels translation)

The boys were all cheating, but Wei Wuxian is the one punished most severely. This happens when he's caught sneaking alcohol, too (though to be fair to Lan Wangji, he probably was only punishing him, and himself alongside him, for being outside after curfew when he threw them off the wall).

Of course, Jiang Cheng didn’t dare to say that Wei WuXian was at fault. Thinking back, it was them who urged Wei WuXian to buy liquor. Each and every one of them should have been punished. He could only speak in a vague way, “It’s fine, it’s fine; it’s not that serious! He can walk. Wei WuXian, why are you still up there?!”

(Chapter 18, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s not entirely unreasonable for the one who gets caught to take the punishment (what’s he going to do, rat his friends out?) but their ready acceptance of this does fit into a pattern.

Jiang Cheng’s top was tied at his waist. Hearing his mother’s chastise, he hastily put it over his head. Madam Yu scolded again, “And you boys! Can’t you see that A-Li’s here? Who taught you brats to dress like this in front of a girl!?”

Of course, it was needless to think who led the group. Thus, Madam Yu’s next sentence, as usual, was “Wei Ying! Do you want to die!?”

[...]

He could still feel some pain in his back, so he tossed the paddles to someone else, sat down, and felt the stinging piece of flesh, “How unfair. Nobody else was wearing anything, but why was I the only one who got scolded and beaten up?”

Jiang Cheng, “Because you hurt the eye the most with no clothes on, for sure.”

[...]

Everyone nodded. Wei WuXian, “Thanks for the praise, you guys. I’m even starting to feel some goose bumps.”

The shidi, “You’re welcome, Da-Shixiong. You protect us every single time. You deserve even more!”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

While we know that Yu Ziyuan is an abusive person in general, she abuses Wei Wuxian far more harshly than anyone else, even the outer disciples. It’s made clear to us in Lotus Seed Pods that she whips him regularly over minor infractions:

Madam Yu was even angrier, “How dare you run! Come back right now and kneel!” As she spoke, she let loose her whip with a flip of her wrist. Wei WuXian felt a searing pain slash across his back. He loudly exclaimed, “Ow!” And almost tripped on the ground.

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

And that his back is heavily scarred from it:

He felt his back, covered in scars both old and new, and still couldn’t hold back the question he’d be thinking about, “How awfully unfair. Why is it that I’m the only one who gets beaten up, whenever something happens?”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

Rumours about this even made it outside of Lotus Pier; during their visit to the ancestral hall years later, Lan Wangji even states that he heard about some of it:

Lan WangJi had on an expression of understanding, “Kneeling as punishment?”

Wei WuXian mused, “How did you know? That’s right. Madam Yu punished me almost every day.”

Lan WangJi nodded, “I have heard of a few things.”

Wei WuXian, “It’s so famous that even people outside Yunmeng, even you Gusu people know—how could it be ‘a few things’? But, to be honest, in all these years, I’ve never seen a second woman whose temper was as bad as Madam Yu’s. She told me to go to the ancestral hall and kneel no matter how small the matter was. Hahaha…”

(Chapter 87, Exiled Rebels translation)

Wei Wuxian’s lower social standing is definitely a part of why Yu Ziyuan is able to abuse him so terribly and receive little to no censure for it. Everyone at Lotus Pier simply takes it for granted, with the exception of Jiang Yanli who at least does try to deflect her mother when she is angry with Wei Wuxian:

Yet, all of a sudden, someone’s quiet voice drifted by Madam Yu’s ear, “Mom, do you want to eat some watermelon…”

[...]

Jiang YanLi almost cried from her mother’s pinching, mumbling, “Mom, A-Xian and the others were hiding here to relieve the heat and I came here on my own. Don’t blame them… Do… Do you want some watermelon… I don’t know who gave them to us, but it’s really sweet. Eating watermelon in the summer is great for cooling down and quenching thirst. I’ll cut them for you…”

(Chapter 125, Lotus Seed Pod, Exiled Rebels translation)

She both tries to deflect her mother from her anger, and also outright states that Wei Wuxian and the other boys weren’t at fault. Jiang Yanli seems to be the only one at Lotus Pier who ever does this.

After the war, Wei Wuxian attends social events at Jiang Cheng’s side but is never quite treated as an equal, either. See how at the Flower Banquet, Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue greet Jiang Cheng but not him:

Suddenly, a voice spoke, “Sect Leader Nie, Sect Leader Lan.”

Hearing the familiar voice, Wei WuXian’s heart jumped. Nie MingJue turned around again. Jiang Cheng came over, dressed in purple, hand on his sword.

And the person standing beside Jiang Cheng was none other than Wei WuXian himself.

He saw himself walk with hands behind his back, wearing all black. A flute in the shade of ink stuck to his waist, hanging down with crimson colored tassels. Standing shoulder-to-shoulder with Jiang Cheng, he nodded in this direction to show respect. Attitude slightly arrogant, he took on a profound, disdainful appearance. As Wei WuXian saw the stance of his younger self, the root of his teeth even cringed in soreness. He felt that he really was pretentious, and itched to just beat the hell out of himself.

Lan WangJi also saw Wei WuXian, who stood beside Jiang Cheng. The tip of his brows twitched ever so slightly. Soon afterward, his light-colored eyes returned to where they were, still looking forward in that composed way. Jiang Cheng and Nie MingJue nodded at each other with grave faces. Neither had anything unnecessary to say. After a hasty greeting, the two walked their separate ways. Wei WuXian saw his black-clothed self glance around as he finally saw Lan WangJi. He looked as if he was about to speak before Jiang Cheng came over and stood to his side.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

They then proceed to talk about him and his lack of a sword behind his back, never having said a word to Wei Wuxian himself:

Nie MingJue’s gaze turned over again, “Why does Wei Ying not carry his sword?”

Carrying one’s sword was like wearing formal attire. In such gatherings, it was a non-negligible indication of etiquette. Those from prominent sects saw it as especially important. Lan WangJi responded in a lukewarm tone, “He had probably forgotten.”

Ning MingJue raised a brow, “He can even forget something like this?”

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

At Phoenix Mountain it also seems that Wei Wuxian is conditionally a member of the gentry, but not treated like an equal. Sometimes there are these more cheerful interactions:

Holding the flower, Lan WangJi seemed to be quite cold. His tone seemed cold as well, “Was it you?”

Wei WuXian immediately denied it, “No, it wasn’t.”

The maidens beside him spoke at once, “Don’t believe him. It was him!”

Wei WuXian, “How could you treat a good person like this? I’m getting angry!”

Giggling, the maidens pulled their reins and went to the formations of their own sects. Lan WangJi lowered the hand that he held the flower with and shook his head. Jiang Cheng spoke, “ZeWu-Jun, HanGuang-Jun, apologies. Don’t pay attention to him.”

Lan XiChen smiled, “That is fine. I will thank Young Master Wei’s kindness behind the flower in place of WangJi.”

(Chapter 69, Exiled Rebels translation)

But then he will be publicly disparaged and it is readily accepted by others. Jin Zixun first starts an argument with him by criticising Wei Wuxian for fighting Jin Zixuan, then turns the topic to Wei Wuxian’s having taken a third of the prey in the hunt.

Jin ZiXun, “Wei, just what what do you mean by going against ZiXuan so many times?”

[...]

Jin ZiXun sneered, “How is it presumptuous? How is any part of you not presumptuous? Today, in such an important hunt involving all of the sects, you really showed off your abilities, didn’t you? One third of the prey have been taken by you. You sure feel pleased, don’t you?”

[...]

He mocked, “But it’s only natural that you don’t think you’re in the wrong. It’s not the first time that Young Master Wei has disregarded the rules. You didn’t wear your sword in both last time’s flower banquet and this time’s hunt. It’s such a grand event, and you care nothing for courtesy. In what regard to you hold us, the people who are present with you?”

[...]

No disciple had ever dared say such lofty words in front of so many people. A moment later, as Jin ZiXun finally regained his composure, he yelled, “Wei WuXian! You’re only the son of a servant—how dare you be so bold!!!”

(Chapters 69-70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Naturally, Jin Zixun is able to weasel out of giving an apology, even though Jiang Yanli demands one. And guess who also takes a third of the prey, but this time without any censure?

Jin GuangYao, “In reality, not only did Young Master Wei keep a third of the prey to himself, our eldest brother has eliminated over half of the fays and the monsters as well.”

Hearing this, Lan XiChen laughed, “That is how Brother is like, after all.”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Never a Brother

As I’ve already mentioned, Wei Wuxian was never adopted by Jiang Fengmian, or adopted into the clan in general in even a distant way. And this nebulous ‘we’re letting you live with the main family as a charity, but you aren’t really one of us’ attitude also reflects in his relationship with Jiang Yanli.

I’ve already discussed how Wei Wuxian was more like a companion servant to Jiang Cheng than a brother. It’s also worth noting quickly that neither of them ever refers to the other as a brother. Wei Wuxian refers to Jiang Cheng as his shidi a few times, and Jiang Cheng never even refers to him as his shixiong (because Jiang Cheng views him as his servant, not as even a martial brother, I’d argue).

Only one member of the Jiang family ever does use familial terms to refer to Wei Wuxian: his shijie, Jiang Yanli. At Phoenix Mountain, when Wei Wuxian is being insulted by Jin Zixun, Jiang Yanli stands up and defends him, and states clearly that she considers Wei Wuxian a little brother:

The people who gathered around Jin ZiXun had on the same dark faces as he did. Yet, taking into consideration Jiang YanLi’s background, they didn’t dare talk back to her directly.

Jiang YanLi added, “Besides, hunting is hunting, so why bring the matter of discipline to the table? A-Xian is a disciple of the YunmengJiang Sect. He grew up with my brother and I, and so he’s as close as a brother is to me. Calling him the ‘son of a servant’—I’m sorry, but I won’t accept this. And thus…”

She straightened her back and raised her voice, “I hope that Young Master Jin ZiXun would apologize to Wei WuXian of the YunmengJiang Sect!”

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

It doesn’t come through in the Exiled Rebels translation, but she actually refers to Wei Wuxian as her didi in this scene, not her shidi. She’s trying to draw a line and state that Wei Wuxian is a part of the family. However, no one takes her seriously, and shortly afterwards we see Jin-furen insisting that Jiang Yanli and Wei Wuxian shouldn’t be walking alone together because it would be inappropriate.

Jiang YanLi whispered, “That’s not necessary. I’d like to have a few words with A-Xian. He can walk me back.”

Madam Jin raised her brows, looking Wei WuXian up and down. Her gaze was somewhat cautious, as if she was feeling displeased, “A young man and a young woman—you two can’t stick together all the time if nobody else is present.”

Jiang YanLi, “A-Xian is my younger brother.”

[...]

Wei WuXian lowered his head, “Excuse my absence, Madam Jin.”

He and Jiang YanLi bowed at the same time. As they turned around to leave, Madam Jin grabbed Jiang YanLi’s hand and refused to let her leave.

(Chapter 70, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jin Zixuan also never treats Wei Wuxian the way one might a brother who is still angered with him over his past dismissive treatment of his sister. For example, see their argument at the Flower Banquet:

Before he could see how Lan WangJi reacted, a series of clamor suddenly came from the other end of the base. Wei WuXian heard his own raging shout, “Jin ZiXuan! Don’t you forget about what things you said and what things you did? What do you mean by this, now?!”

Wei WuXian remembered. So it was this time!

On the other side, Jin ZiXuan also fumed, “I was asking Sect Leader Jiang, not you! The one I was asking about was also Maiden Jiang. How is that related to you?!”

[...]

Jin ZiXuan, “Sect Leader Jiang—this is our sect’s flower banquet, and this is your sect’s person! Are you going to look after him or not?!”

[...]

...Jiang Cheng’s voice came, “Wei WuXian, you can just shut your mouth. Young Master Jin, I’m sorry. My sister is doing quite well. Thank you for your concern. We can talk about this next time.”

Wei WuXian laughed coldly, “Next time? There is no next time! Whether or not she’s doing well isn’t any of his business, either! Who does he think he is?”

He turned around and started to leave. Jiang Cheng shouted, “Get back here! Where are you going?”

Wei WuXian waved his hands, “Anywhere is fine! Just don’t let me see that face of his. I never wanted to come, anyway. You can deal with whatever’s here yourself.”

Having been abandoned by Wei WuXian, Jiang Cheng’s face immediately clouded over.

[...]

Jiang Cheng stowed away the clouds on his face, “Don’t mind him. Look at how impolite he is. He’s used to such rude behavior at home.”

He then began to converse with Jin ZiXuan.

(Chapter 49, Exiled Rebels translation)

Jiang Cheng also quietly dismisses the notion of Wei Wuxian as a brother in relation to Jiang Yanli; when they visit to show him her wedding dress and she asks for a courtesy name, Jiang Cheng specifically says:

Jiang Cheng, “The courtesy name of my unborn nephew.”

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Not our nephew, mine.

Even the disastrous invitation to Jin Ling’s one month celebration is framed as a favour to an old shidi, not a family member:

Jin ZiXun, “Since you’ve heard it from him already, you should know that I can’t wait. Don’t tell me that you’ll disregard your brother’s life for the sake of Sister-in-Law’s shidi?!”

Jin ZiXuan, “You clearly know that I’m not that kind of person! He might not necessarily be the one who cursed you with Hundred Holes either. Why are you so rash? I was the one who invited Wei WuXian to A-Ling’s full-month celebration anyways. If this is the way you do things, where does that leave me? Where does it leave my wife?”

Jin ZiXun raised his voice, “It’s best if he doesn’t attend! What does Wei WuXian think he is—does he deserve to attend our sect’s banquet? Whoever touches him gets nothing but a splash of black! ZiXuan, when you invited him, weren’t you worried that you, Sister-in-Law and A-Ling would receive an irremovable stain for the rest of your lives?!”

(Chapter 76, Exiled Rebels translation)

It’s clear that not only does wider society not consider Wei Wuxian and the Jiangs siblings...they themselves don’t, either. Wei Wuxian, after all, readily accepts that his relationship with them is over after he leaves the sect:

Before they parted, Jiang Cheng spoke, “We won’t see you off. It wouldn’t be good if someone saw us.”

Wei WuXian nodded. He understood that it wasn’t easy for the Jiang siblings to have come out here. If someone else saw them, all those things they did for the public to believe would be wasted. He spoke, “We’ll go first.”

[...]

He turned around, knowing that it’d be a long time before he’d get to see the people he was familiar with again.

But… right now, wasn’t he on his way to seeing people he was familiar with as well?

(Chapter 75, Exiled Rebels translation)

Cast Aside

The way cultivation society treats Wei Wuxian when he is not with the Jiangs is also very revealing. Any level of respect he is given is contingent on his position in the Jiang household, and when they aren’t around that minimal respect fades away. Look at how disrespectfully he is treated when he approaches Jin Zixun to ask for Wen Ning’s location.

Wei WuXian didn’t make small talk either, getting straight to the point, “No thanks. I don’t.” He nodded slightly at Jin ZiXun, “Young Master Jin, could I please have a word with you?”

Jin ZiXun, “If you have anything to say, come after our banquet is over.”

In reality, he didn’t want to talk to Wei WuXian at all. Wei WuXian could see this as well, “How long do I have to wait?”

Jin ZiXun, “Probably around six to eight hours. Or maybe ten to twelve. Or until tomorrow.”

Wei WuXian, “I’m afraid I can’t wait for that long.”

Jin ZiXun’s voice was arrogant, “You’ll have to wait even if you can’t.”

Jin GuangYao, “Young Master Wei, what do you need ZiXun for? Is it a pressing matter?”

Wei WuXian, “Pressing indeed. It allows for no delay.”

[...]

Jin ZiXun, “Wei WuXian, what do you mean? You came for him? You aren’t standing up for a Wen-dog, are you?”

Wei WuXian wore a broad grin, “Since when is it your business whether I’d like to stand up for him or cut his head off? Just give him to me!”

At the last sentence, the grin on his face vanished. His tone turned cold as well. It was clear that he had lost his patience. Many of the people within Glamor Hal shivered in fear. Jin ZiXun felt his scalp tingle as well. Yet, his anger soon soared. He shouted, “Wei WuXian, you are too bold! Did the LanlingJin Sect invite you today? And you dare run wild here. Do you really think that you’re invincible, that nobody has the courage to confront you? Do you want to overturn the Heavens?”

Wei WuXian smiled, “You’re comparing yourself to the Heavens? Excuse my language, but your face is a little too thick, isn’t it?”

[...]

Just as he was about to rebut, sitting on the foremost seat, Jin GuangShan spoke up.

His voice seemed kind, “It’s not anything too important anyways. You youngsters, why lose your tempers over such a thing? However, Young Master Wei, let me be fair here. Barging in when the LanlingJin Sect is holding a private banquet is indeed inappropriate.”

To say that Jin GuangShan didn’t mind what happened at Phoenix Mountain would be impossible. This was also why he only smiled when Jin ZiXun bickered with Wei WuXian but didn’t stop them, and only spoke up when Jin ZiXun was at the disadvantage.

Wei WuXian nodded, “Sect Leader Jin, it was never my intention to disturb your private banquet. My apologies. However, the whereabouts of the people whom Young Master Jin took are still unclear. Just a moment of delay, and it might be too late. One of the group had once saved me before. I will definitely not sit back and watch. Please do not feel pressured. I will make amends for this at a later date.”

[...]

After a few laughs, he continued, “Sect Leader Jin, let me ask you something else. Do you think that, because the QishanWen Sect is gone, the LanlingJin Sect has all right to replace it?”

All was silent within Glamor Hall.

Wei WuXian added, “Everything has to be given to you? Everyone has to listen to you? Looking at how the LanlingJin Sect does things, I almost thought that it was the QishanWen Sect’s empire all over again.”

[...]

A guest cultivator on his right shouted, “Wei WuXian! Watch your words!”

Wei WuXian, “Did I say something wrong? Forcing living people to be bait and beating them up whenever they refused to obey—is this any different from what the QishanWen Sect does?”

Another guest cultivator stood up, “Of course it’s different. The Wen-dogs did all kinds of evil. To arrive at such an end is only karma for them. We only avenged a tooth for a tooth, letting them taste the fruit that they themselves had sown. What’s wrong with this?”

Wei WuXian, “Take revenge on the ones who bite you. Wen Ning’s branch doesn’t have much blood on their hands. Don’t tell me that you find them guilty by association?”

Another person spoke, “Young Master Wei, is it that they don’t have much blood on their hands just because you say so? These are only your one-sided words. Where’s the evidence?”

[...]

Jin GuangShan stood up as well, his face a mixture of shock, anger, fear, and hatred, “Wei WuXian! Just because… Sect Leader Jiang isn’t here doesn’t mean you can be so reckless!”

Wei WuXian’s voice was harsh, “Do you think that I wouldn’t be reckless if he were here? If I wanted to kill someone, who could stop me, and who would dare stop me?!”

[...]

“Young Master Wei really is too impulsive. How could he speak in such a way in front of so many sects?”

Lan WangJi spoke coldly, “Was he wrong?”

Jin GuangYao paused almost unnoticeably. He immediately laughed, “Haha. Yes, he’s right. But it’s because he’s right that he can’t say it in front of them, correct?”

Lan XiChen seemed as if he was deep in thought, “Young Master Wei’s heart really has changed.”

(Chapter 72, Exiled Rebels translation)

The only person at this banquet who speaks to Wei Wuxian respectfully is Jin Guangyao, a consummate manipulator who is also of a lower social status. Everyone else speaks to him dismissively, refusing to respect his request for Wen Ning’s location even though he states that Wen Ning helped him during the war. Wei Wuxian is extremely polite at the beginning of this conversation, and only slowly begins to lose his temper when Jin Zixun speaks rudely and Jin Guangshan decides to bring up the matter of the Yinhufu (Wei Wuxian is right in suspecting him of wanting to replace Qishan Wen, of course, and that it’s very bold of them to think they have the right to a spiritual tool of his just because...they’re rich?).

When the sects meet at Koi Tower to discuss the breakout at Qiongqi Path, no one considers Wei Wuxian as an independent agent who they might actually want to meet and negotiate with themselves. He is a wayward servant of Yunmeng Jiang who the sect leader has failed to keep in hand.

Jiang Cheng only spoke after a few moments, “What he did was indeed a bit too much. Sect Leader Jin, I apologize to you in place of him. If there’s any way at all to help the situation, please let me know. I’ll definitely compensate for things however I can.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan, “Sect Leader Jiang, Wei Ying is your right-hand man. You value him a lot. All of us know this. However, on the other hand, it’s hard to tell whether or not he actually respects you. In any case, I’ve been a sect leader for so many years and I’ve never seen the servant of any sect dare be so arrogant, so proud. Have you heard what they say outside? Things like how during the Sunshot Campaign the victories of the YunmengJiang Sect were all because of Wei WuXian alone—what nonsense!”

[...]

Lan WangJi sat with his back straight, speaking in a tone of absolute tranquility, “I did not hear Wei Ying say this. I did not hear him express the slightest disrespect towards Sect Leader Jiang either.”

[...]

The good thing was that, not long after he felt awkward, Jin GuangYao came to save the day, exclaiming, “Really? That day, Young Master Wei busted into Koi Tower with such force. He said too many things, one more shocking than the next. Perhaps he said a few things that were along those lines. I can’t remember them either.”

[...]

Jin GuangShan followed the transition, “That’s right. Anyhow, his attitude has always been arrogant.”

One of the sect leaders added, “To be honest, I’ve wanted to say this since a long time ago. Although Wei WuXian did a few things during the Sunshot Campaign, there are many guest cultivators who did more than him. I’ve never seen anyone as full of themselves as him. Excuse my bluntness, but he’s the son of a servant. How could the son of a servant be so arrogant?”

[...]

“In the beginning, Sect Leader Jin asked Wei Ying for the Tiger Seal with nothing but good intentions, worried that he wouldn’t be able to control it and lead to a disaster. He, however, used his own yardstick to measure another’s intents. Did he think that everyone is after his treasure? What a joke. In terms of treasures, is there any sect that doesn’t hold a few treasures?”

“I knew that something would eventually happen if he continued on the ghostly path—look! His killing intents are being revealed already. Killing indiscriminately those from our side just because of a few Wen-dogs…”

[...]

Jin GuangShan continued, “Sect Leader Jiang, you’re not like your father. It’s just been a couple of years since the reestablishment of the YunmengJiang Sect, precisely when you should be displaying your power. And he doesn’t even know to avoid suspicions. What would the Jiang Sect’s new disciples think if they saw him? Don’t tell me you’d let them see him as their role model and look down on you?”

He spoke one sentence after another, striking the iron while it was still hot. Jiang Cheng spoke slowly, “Sect Leader Jin, that’s enough. I’ll go to Burial Mound and deal with this.”

Jin GuangShan felt satisfied, speaking in a sincere tone, “That’s the spirit. Sect Leader Jiang, there are some things, some people that you shouldn’t put up with.”

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

This is very reminiscent of the way that Jin Zixuan would often turn around and say, ‘Why aren’t you controlling your servant?’ to Jiang Cheng whenever he had a dispute with Wei Wuxian over his treatment of Jiang Yanli.

When Jiang Cheng goes to the Burial Mounds and Wei Wuxian defects from Yunmeng Jiang in order to help the sect save face, Jiang Cheng treats this as a personal betrayal. He not only challenges Wei Wuxian to a duel but then announces that Wei Wuxian has betrayed Yunmeng Jiang and declared himself the enemy of cultivation society:

After the fight, Jiang Cheng told the outside that Wei WuXian defected from the sect and was an enemy to the entire cultivation world. The YunmengJiang Sect had already cast him out. From then on, no ties remained between them—a clear line was drawn. Henceforth, no matter what he did, they’d have nothing to do with the YunmengJiang Sect!

(Chapter 73, Exiled Rebels translation)

“Wei Wuxian has betrayed the sect, and publicly regards all cultivation sects as enemy! Yunmeng Jiang Sect hereby expels him, breaking all ties with him and drawing a clear line between us. Henceforth, no matter what this person does, it will have nothing to do with Yunmeng Jiang Sect!”

(Modao Zushi Radio Drama, Season 3 Episode 5, Suibian Subs)

Naturally, no one ever questions this or wants to hear Wei Wuxian’s side of the story. Jiang Cheng is a sect leader and Wei Wuxian his servant, and that is all cultivation society needs to know.

In Conclusion

Wei Wuxian was never really part of the Jiang family. The wider social view was that he was a servant who was lucky to be taken in by the family and allowed to live in the main house alongside the sect leader’s children. He’s accepted into cultivation society conditionally, but only as someone who remains a rank below everyone else.

This attitude isn’t just the wider social view which the family themselves disregard; they all play into it. Yu Ziyuan and Jiang Cheng both actively enforce it, Jiang Fengmian passively enforces it, and Jiang Yanli tries but fails to break through the social barriers between them.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #modao zushi

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chasingpj · 3 years ago

Text

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐤

pairing: percy jackson x child of aphrodite! gn reader

requested?: yup!

warnings: mentions of underage drinking, one curse word, and mentions of sexual tension

category: fluff, shy boy x obviously interested girl trope

a/n: don't mind me I'm just projecting and I got carried away

you’re not sure what gravitated you to percy more

the crystal green eyes, the freckles over his nose, the disheveled dark curls, or his clumsiness

the first time you laid eyes on him, he was walking back to his cabin after sword-fighting practice

his tan skin gleamed in the sunlight as a hand came up to swipe away the damp hair sticking on his forehead

for an action so mundane, it made your stomach flutter like crazy

and then the beauty of the moment was ruined right when he trips over the steps of his cabin

you heard stories of the kid killing the minotaur, blowing up a volcano, and rumors of being the suspected child of a huge prophecy

yet, he was not immune from tripping over his feet

and you’re sure the dorky charm of that moment made you think, he’s mine

for the next few days, you were determined to approach him

but you didn’t just want to come up to him and introduce yourself; that would be too plain and forgettable

you ended up finding your opportunity during a capture the flag game

silena gave you instructions to distract percy, and you headed over strong, ready to make your first impression while also taking him down for your team

sure, he had water powers and done a bunch of cool things, but your father made sure you were well trained in sword fighting and martial arts even before you knew about the camp

you planned to take him by surprise, and luckily it worked

with ruthless attacks, it didn’t take long for you to sweep him off his feet and knock his sword out of his hand

by pressing the flat of your sword under his chin, you forced him to look up at you, and you peered into those clear green eyes

gods, he’s cute, you thought

“hey,” you said

percy was stunned, not sure if it was because you effortlessly took him down or if it was because you were one of the prettiest girls he’s ever seen

“... hi,” he sputtered, gawking for a moment as you offered your hand

you swore you felt sparks when his fingers brush across your palm... even though the contact was a little sweaty

in the distance, you heard the satyrs blow the horn and the roars of celebration from your team

“i should go back to the others. catch you later, ocean eyes,” you flirted

percy’s shoulders tensed up when you blew him a kiss; awkwardly frozen in his place as you waited

“well, are you going to catch it? you can’t just let my kiss fly away.”

percy shifted on his feet, not sure if you were serious or not, but when you held your ground with arms folded over your chest, it was clear that’s what you were waiting for

and so with a flushed face, percy awkwardly grabbed the air in the front of him, and you couldn’t help but giggle

“good, i wouldn’t want it flying to a stranger,” you commented playfully. “you know, i don’t really like this whole outdoor camp life thing, but seeing your pretty face around here makes it a lot better”

“uh… oh, thanks?” he stammered, not having the words to respond

you winked at him before walking off, more than satisfied with your first impression

after that, you were contemplating your next move

children of aphrodite can see all the possibilities in a potential relationship

you were able to see you and percy eating ice cream in central park, holding hands at camp, a shy kiss on your first date

you wanted all of it, and you going to make sure you get it

of course, silena and your siblings were your wing women

if percy was in the strawberry fields, you were picking strawberries beside him

in the fields, you got to know him and his sarcastic humor, which made your crush flourish

you even took sword fighting classes at the same time as him and made sure he was your partner most of the time

whenever you had a chance, you’d affectionately fix his hair or his armor just to hear his shy thank you’s

he’s never had a girl show this much interest in him, so you definitely made him a little nervous, but despite that, he opened up to you pretty quick

sometimes he’d help you out in the stables, and you noticed how he’d fumble with the harnesses or knock things over when you would flirt with him

you loved his reactions so much that you always took it up a notch just to see how he’d react

you suppose the pegasi didn’t make percy’s shyness any better

there were times where he’d shush them, or the tips of his ears would grow even more flushed at a neigh or huff from one of the pegasuses

as the summer came to an end, you gave percy your email and made sure you stayed in touch

you didn’t live very far from one another, but you didn’t dare ask to hangout

you wanted to be asked first!

and you were disappointed when the invitation never came despite the two of you being consistent with sending emails

the year flew by fast, though, and you were excited to return to camp for an array of reasons; percy being one of those reasons, of course

when you saw him for the first time that summer, you were in awe at how different he looked after a year

he was taller, broader, and just more handsome overall

your stomach went into a frenzy when he greeted you with a boyish smile while his hand rubbed the back of his neck nervously because he didn’t fail to notice how, somehow, you were even prettier than he remembered

unfortunately, having the prepare for the war meant you guys were too busy to hang out as often as you did the previous summer

but when you did have time to see each other, it was still fun

there was an unspoken rule between you and percy that any talk about the war wasn’t allowed

it allowed you guys to just bask in the nights where you would watch the sunset while joking around and sharing funny stories

those nights were calm and still; they brought a sense of normalcy amongst the chaos and growing tensions

because of this, percy had sought out your company whenever he could get it

being with you made him feel like time slowed down

inevitably, the battle of manhattan occurred and passed, causing the summer to end with the grief of losing your siblings

while campers arranged the ceremonies to honor their siblings, percy hopped around to help

losing silena as a counselor meant it was time to pick a new one, and to your surprise, your siblings nominated you

you were silena’s right-hand person, the oldest in the group after her, and the strongest fighter, so your siblings felt it was fair that you took the role

but it didn’t feel right to you; the pressure of being a newly elected councilor while still grieving silena weighed hard on your shoulders

after the nomination, you needed time to get away and sit with your thoughts, and you were only there for a moment alone until percy had found you

his eyes studied your somber expression, and he was quick to ask what was wrong

as you poured out all your worries, percy was quiet and attentive

you cuddled up to his side for comfort, and even in your sorrow, you didn’t fail to notice the way he tensed up

finally, when you let everything out, he chimed in to soothe your worries

your expression was a little lovestruck as he said everything you needed to hear, and well, his strong arm around your shoulders definitely helped too

you were so elated that you couldn't help but press a kiss on his cheek to thank him

his flushed face was enough to lift your spirits for good that day

by the time the summer officially came to an end, you could feel that percy’s feelings for you were becoming stronger

the romantic possibilities you envisioned became more apparent, but percy hadn’t asked you out yet

and like, you guessed you could have asked him out, but that wasn't fair in your book

you were already making the first moves; it was his turn to do something about it

then you were sure your mother pitied you because finally, after a few more months of emailing, percy asked if you to go ice skating with him, and of course, you agreed

but then, you concluded that it was more like a cruel joke from your mom because percy never showed up

you waited hours for him before you trudged home in defeat

heartbroken wasn’t even enough to describe how you were feeling

being stood up with no follow up from him made you conclude that he just wasn’t interested and you just needed to move on

it wasn’t until you went to CHB for christmas break did you find out percy was missing

you were crazy worried about him and helped as much as you could to try and find him

when it was confirmed that he was still alive, you were more than relieved

from that day on, you were itching to see him again, and finally, after the giant war, you were able to speak to him

you only said a hello before you got sucked into a game of truth or dare with your friends

the game was self-explanatory; spin the bottle and the person who’s chosen is submissive to the person who spun it

you made up some lousy dares for the first few people until you spun the bottle in percy’s direction

“truth or dare?” your voice was challenging, and a little flirty

percy shifts in his place, “truth.”

“do you want to kiss me?”

“dare.”

“kiss me.”

the instigating coos of your friends made you smile, which contrasted percy’s stunned expression

“never have i ever-”

“that’s not even the game, percy!”

your friends laughed at your interaction, but you were honestly a little annoyed

he liked you; you could feel it, so what was he even waiting for?

“it’s fine. you don’t have to kiss me if you don’t want to,” you say with a playful smile in an attempt to hide your disappointment

“shit, i’d kiss you,” leo joked, and you suddenly perked up at the request

a new idea came to your mind

“so kiss me,” you snapped your gaze to leo, a smirk on your face

leo gasped so hard; he choked on his own saliva

while he coughed erratically, showcasing all his shock on his face, you announced, “new rule! you can only give up a dare if someone else in the group offers to take it for you.”

your gaze fixed on leo, “so, are you going to kiss me or what?”

“uh, only if you want to,” he stammered, and you smiled, moving to lean over in his direction

suddenly, percy cut in, “i didn’t give up the dare.”

your attention shifted to him, and you didn’t fail to pick up the jealousy radiating off of him

your stomach flipped with anticipation at the success of your idea

if percy needed a push, you were going to push him

“you’ve given leo false hope then,” you joked, and playfully leo sighed.

“man, so close,” he mumbled.

you bit your lip as you leaned in percy’s direction

you felt his attraction to you; his eyes told you everything you needed to know and more

and before you knew it, your lips were against his

the kiss was short, but for a moment, the world around you was drowned out; you barely heard the coos and cheers of your friends around you

with a satisfied smirk, you pulled away, settling back in your spot as percy’s eyes averted elsewhere, too shy to look at you

you and your friends played the game until you grew bored and found something else to do

because the festivities kept pulling you in one direction to another, the only interaction you had with percy was the occasional longing glance and nothing else

as you escorted a few of your sisters who drank a little too much back to your cabin, you were sure you’d have to wait another day to talk to him

lost in your dismay, you automatically denied piper’s offer to finish the task

it wasn’t until she scoffed did you pull out of your thoughts

“are you kidding? go. i’ll get them back. you find percy.”

“oh yeah. you guys need to do something about that sexual tension. are you gonna date him or what?” another one of your sisters slurred

before you could even protest, you were shooed away by not only piper but by the rest of your siblings too

you stayed in your spot, making sure they had at least made it to the steps of the cabin before you pranced up to percy’s cabin

you figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask if he wanted to go on a walk with you

your knock is followed by a few moments of shuffling before he opened the door

and, whew, you were pleasantly surprised to be greeted by a shirtless percy

“hey." you leaned on the door frame, your eyes trailing down to admire his toned torso

“eyes up here," percy playfully demanded

you were almost hesitant to avert your eyes, but you obliged.

"i wanted to ask if you wanted to take a walk. you know, i just haven’t been sleeping well."

percy leaned against the door frame, amused at the dramatic pout on your face.

“sure, let me put on a shirt firs-”

“oh, you don’t have to. i don’t mind,” you cut him off, and his head tilts back just a little as he laughs

“i’m putting on a shirt,” he declares playfully, and you whine in fake disappointment

on your walk, he told you all the crazy things that happened while he was missing, and even though his stories were a lot more interesting than what you had to say, he was eager to hear about what you've been up to

your conversation persisted as you walked around the camp and as you arrived at the docks, another idea came to mind

suddenly, you cut yourself off mid-sentence, your gaze fixed on the water

“perce, you know, i can’t swim,” you mention, stepping on the wooden dock

“really?”

“really.”

it was quiet for a moment, and percy's expression was laced with confusion as you kicked off your shoes

you didn’t even care that you were wearing designer clothes, running straight off the dock and into the deep lake water

you heard percy yell your name right as your body completely submerges in the water

and it wasn't even more than 3 seconds before percy jumped in, one arm immediately wrapping around your waist to swim up to the surface with you

his baffled expression sent you into a fit of laughter

“what? why did you do that?!”

“cause i knew you’d come and get me.”

percy’s lips curved up into a smile, and you took the time to admire his features in the moonlight

you swore you saw his eyes flicker to your lips for a second, and the action made you hyper-aware of how close your noses were

"kiss me!" you thought in your head as you circled your arms around his neck, pulling him even closer

you could feel his admiration, the accelerated thump of his heart, the fluttering in his stomach that mimicked yours

the kiss you shared earlier was far too short for your liking, and you were already looking forward to the next opportunity to kiss him again

“i haven’t forgotten that i owe you a date.”

you smiled at his words, half-distracted at the proximity of his lips

“so it was a date all along?” you asked, and percy nods, amused

“you know, i was thinking now that there isn’t another big prophecy and the chances of me disappearing again aren’t likely, that, maybe, you and i could-”

“yes! gods, yes.” you cut him off, and percy laughs at your eagerness

you waited too long for the question that you couldn’t even let him finish asking

he isn’t able to say anything else as you pull him into a passionate kiss

it was as if the years of anticipation were being poured into the movement of your mouths

the kiss was long, growing in eagerness until the harpies had ruined your fun and the two of you had to run back to your cabins

a part of you had wished that all of this would have happened sooner

you had plenty of nights where you were stared at the ceiling with conflicted thoughts, wondering if you guys just weren't meant to be, if you somehow made up his attraction to you in your head, or if you should ask him out first and save yourself the potential regret

but when you returned to your cabin full of enthusiastic siblings asking why you were soaking wet and why your lipstick was smudged, you realized you wouldn’t have changed a single thing

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dangerouslyallaboutdraco · 3 years ago

Note

Could you write a Draco Malfoy x Slytherin !Potter!reader. Y/N and Draco have been dating since first year but haven’t told anyone because people think she might be the only “good slytherin” and to prevent Harry from freaking out they stay quiet till the Quitage World Cup where she goes with Draco and his father and spent the summer with them rather than the weasles . Pansy and Blaise know about Y/N and Draco because the 4 of them became best friends through the years (and reader won’t be only friends with Harry’s friends) . Harry and Y/N get into an argument when they return to Hogwarts the summer of the Triwizard cup and how she’s a traitor (EVEN tho that’s her house) and a disgrace for being with him. So she accepted that and that he hates her so she spends the next year mainly with her house giving the trio the cold shoulder and when the war happened draco and his mother protected her and hid her so Harry was looking for her that time but she was gon so after the war the 4 (Draco Pansy and blasé) walk into the great hall and the golden trio see that Y/N is engaged to Draco and Harry just apologizes and they catch up after all those years.

The Potter Twins

A/n: This has got to be one of the best requests I've ever seen anyone answer. I'm so gratefully you asked me to write it!! Thank you. Also, I did use lines from the book just to make the story work. I could have probably written a whole series so this is very long, I'm sorry. @loxbbg

"Y/n Potter." Professor McGonagall's shrill voice boomed. Just like that, the whole school's attention was on Y/n.

So many students, so much older than her, all focused on her. Probably, she had only just discovered, because of her last name.

The girl and the boy who lived. Apparently, they were famous.

On their 11th birthday, she hadn't expected a giant wizard man to come and whisk the twins away from the horrible Dursleys. But, he was nice and he knew their parents.

Y/n was always treated better than Harry. Aunt Petunia seemed to love her more, even letting her have a big bedroom.

Hagrid, she found out, had taken them shopping and brought them ice cream. While she thought it was all a hallucination when she was able to run through a wall, she knew something strange was happening.

After that, she had met a redhead, Ron. He was dorky but kind to the siblings. And, he seemed to know a lot about the wizarding world.

Y/n took a few tentative steps before sitting on the stool. She was hyperaware of the fact everyone was watching, not able to keep the blush off her cheeks.

The heavy hat was draped onto her head, weighing her down.

"Hmm, the other Potter. You would do good in Gryffindor." The hat whispered to her, making her widen her eyes. She hadn't expected it to talk. It was an object. How could it possibly talk?

Y/n was amazed at the whole thing. It still felt like a dream. The great hall was phenomenal, and she couldn't wait to explore the castle. It was unreal.

Y/n flicked her eyes to her brother. He was already sitting at the Gryffindor table, smiling at her. She hoped she would get to be with him, even though she didn't grasp the house concept. Plus, he was near the other girl, Hermione.

Hermione seemed to know a lot about wizards, and Y/n wanted to be informed. It was like she had finally discovered her missing part.

"I remember your parents. I think you could do just like them." The hat continued. Y/n kept hoping. Hoping she wouldn't go without Harry. The thought of her parents made her heartache, she knew so little about them, but she had heard so much about them in the last few days.

"Slytherin!" The hat roared. Y/n's eyes instantly widened, looking frantically at her brother. How was it possible? The hat had decided she would do good in Gryffindor. She wanted to be with her brother and Ron and Hermione.

Just like that, the hat was off her head. Y/n was speechless as she wandered over to the Slytherin table. Somehow, they all looked mean.

She hadn't noticed who she sat next to until the boy spoke. "I'm Malfoy. Draco Malfoy." He introduced himself, puffing out his chest proudly.

"Y/n Potter." Y/n introduced, despite knowing he already knew.

"I'm Pansy Parkinson." A girl with short black hair interrupted their conversation. "We're going to be sleeping in the same dorm, do you want to be friends?" She asked. A picture of confidence.

Y/n didn't know what to do but nod. "Yeah."

"Now shove off, Parkinson. We're talking." Draco interrupted the girls.

Y/n looked concerned at Pansy, but she didn't look offended at all. "Don't worry. Dracie and I have been friends since we were kids. He doesn't mean it." She reassured the girl, noticing her surprised look. The nickname made Y/n giggle, recognising the look on Draco's face as disgust.

"We're not friends." Draco joked, stoic face. Pansy hit him on the arm.

Y/n liked them already. She could tell they would be good friends. Plus, they filled the gap she was missing, not having Harry next to her.

Harry managed to get a chance to talk to Y/n after the feast. He quickly wrapped her in his arms, comforting his sister.

"I'm sorry we're not in the same house," Y/n told him, feeling guilty.

Harry shook his head. "It's not your fault. It's that weird hat's."

"It's strange, isn't it?" Y/n giggled, not feeling like crying anymore. "I don't know what so much of this means." She continued, feeling nervous about the whole situation.

"I know." Harry agreed with a nod. "We'll get through it together. I just want to know more about mum and dad, and it's good if we don't have to stay with Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon." Y/n nodded to that. They were horrible people. "We should go to our rooms now. It'll be okay." He comforted her.

She gave him another quick hug. "Thanks, Harry." She told him before turning around to walk off.

"Wait, Y/n!" Harry called, she spun back around to face him. "I've heard Malfoy is bad news, be careful." He warned. Y/n nodded, reassuring him she'd be cautious.

She didn't believe it, though, as she skipped off to the common room.

It was only a week into classes when Y/n figured out not everyone at Hogwarts was nicer than the Dursley's. Mainly Professor Snape. For no reason, he seemed to hate Harry. They dissected it later in Hagrid's cottage.

"'S 'cause yeh look like yer mum." Hagrid offered as an explanation. That confused the twins and Ron, who came with them. Hagrid sighed, realising he had to explain it. "Snape loved her, way back, but she married yer dad. He couldn' stand yer dad. Anyway, tha''s all history now. Unfortunately, he's one to hold a grudge. Don' let it bother yeh." He told the children.

Harry just sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "Okay, I'm used to Dudley, anyway." He figured Hogwarts was a lot better than the Dursley's house.

"What about yeh, Y/n, how's Slytherin? They're not pickin' on yeh?" Hagrid asked, switched his attention to the small girl.

"It's alright. I've made lots of friends." Y/n had actually had a rather good week. She'd befriended Pansy and a girl named Daphne. As well as Draco, with who she was very close. That was just in her house. Somehow, she'd managed to sit next to Hermione in a class, Lavender too, and a girl named Hannah Abbot from Hufflepuff.

"Good." Hagrid nodded. "Yeh best be off now." He told them, taking the last sip of his drink.

The 3 of them nodded, getting up and leaving the cottage.

"You know, we've got our first flying lesson next week?" Ron asked the twins, trying to brighten the mood. He could tell they were both thinking about their parents.

Y/n did know. Draco had talked about it nonstop. He was beyond excited.

Harry nodded as well. "I'm not sure I'm going to be any good." He mentioned, lightly blushing.

"I'm sure you'll both be fine. It is in your blood." Ron told them. Y/n and Harry both looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, confused about what he meant. However, he didn't elaborate.

Y/n went to watch Harry's first Quidditch practise, despite him telling her not to. He said it was a waste of time when it was just practice. But she was extremely proud of him. She knew their parents would be proud too.

So she hid in the Slytherin bleaches, hoping Harry wouldn't spot her.

It was slightly chilly, the night wind whipping at her skin. That's when she felt the drape on a coat on her shoulder.

Y/n whipped her head around to see who it was, only to be met with the blonde's features. She definitely had a bit of a crush on him. He was cute and the first boy who had ever paid her attention.

Draco took a seat next to her, giving her a smile. "Hi." He whispered.

"Hi, Dray." It was a nickname she had quickly picked up, noticing how it made him blush. "You don't have to sit out here." She assured him.

"I want to," Draco confirmed.

Y/n knew he was jealous. Draco had done nothing but talk about how much he loved Quidditch. And Harry, who he thought was a blood traitor, had gotten all his success. So it was big that he wanted to sit with her.

They watched in silence before Draco spoke. "Did you know Pansy is dating Blaise?" He asked her.

Y/n shook her head rapidly. "I thought she liked you."

Draco stuck his tongue out in disgust. "No, I hope not. I did have a question though..." He trailed off, cheeks heating pink. He was bouncing his knee up and down nervously.

Y/n had never seen him like that. "What is it?" She asked.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Draco asked hesitantly. Y/n immediately nodded, accepting the offer. She had never felt happier and more relieved.

"Of course, Dray." She agreed immediately his face relaxed. Y/n reached over and laced her fingers in his, not concerned about how sweaty his palms were. "We can't tell Harry though." She suddenly realised, remembering her brother's words. Draco had never been kind to any of the Gryffindor's, despite them being her friends.

Draco nodded. "Okay." He accepted. Y/n was very thankful he agreed to her request.

3rd year was the most stressful yet, for Y/n. She and Draco were still secretly dating, much to Blaise and Pansy's surprise. They couldn't believe how long it had lasted. But Y/n and Draco were drawn to each other, as friends and lovers.

Summer break was also difficult for Y/n. Aunt Marge's visit had ruined the twins birthday. On top of that, apparently, a psychotic wizard had escaped. The Dursley's didn't understand what that would mean. But Y/n and Harry saw just what dark magic could do to Ginny Weasly last year. It was devastating and powerful.

Y/n ran away with Harry when he blew up Aunt Marge. Aunt Petunia had started being much meaner to her, the older she got. While Y/n didn't know Lily, she thought it might have been the reason Aunt Petunia started shunning her.

So, she stayed at the leaky cauldron with Harry. It was the first time she felt happy to not have parents, there were no rules.

Y/n was hiding something. All the letter her owl, Edwige, was bringing her. All from Draco. She figured Harry was too tied up in his own life to think anything was odd. He probably assumed it was Hermione.

The whole train ride all Harry, Ron and Hermione wanted to talk about was terrifying Sirius Black who was trying to murder the twins.

The train's sudden stop frightened Y/n. As the compartment grew cold, she thought it was Sirius, there to kill them. When the Dementor's bony fingers slide open the door, her heart raced, almost beating out of her chest.

This was it. She was going to die from a faceless ghost. It started to suck the life out of Harry and she froze, not knowing how to help her brother.

Thankfully, the cloaked figure in the corner sprung up, scaring the spirit away.

Y/n rushed to get to Harry, but he had already fainted. He was dazed and confused when he woke, Lupin, as Y/n had come to known, handing him some chocolate.

Once Lupin had re-explained what happened, to Harry, he left.

The Potter twins connection let Y/n feel the fear Harry was in, despite being the braver.

Y/n was more than happy to get off the train, being able to sit next to her boyfriend. The Gryffindor table couldn't see them, so they were free to subtly hold hands.

It didn't feel the same that year. Draco was much darker and meaner. He was mean to Hermione and Hagrid, two of Y/n's companions. She didn't understand it.

Their relationship issues came to a head on the date of Buckbeaks execution. Draco and Y/n didn't agree on the situation but it got worse as she roamed the castle with Harry, Hermione and Ron.

As soon as Y/n saw Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle hiding behind that rock she knew today was going to be her breaking point. She didn't understand why he couldn't just shut his mouth and not say anything.

"Have you ever seen anything quite as pathetic?" said Malfoy. "And he’s supposed to be our teacher!" The look on his face was pure disgust. His eyes flicked up to meet Y/n's, not back down from the remarks he'd made as she stared him down.

It was then she realised it. He cared more about maintaining his arrogant reputation than he did his own girlfriend. The thought broke her heart.

Harry and Ron both marched to him, with Hermione one step ahead. Y/n awkwardly stood there, not knowing how to come between her secret boyfriend and friends.

Hermione got to him first, landing a solid punch to his nose. It was as hard as she could, landing a solid sound.

Draco stumbled back, Crabbe and Goyle rushing to hold him up. He gave Y/n a final look as he ran past her.

Y/n's eyes were already filling with tears. Hermione noticed. "Are you alright?" She asked.

She quickly thought up a lie. "I'm sorry... It's just all of this with Buckbeard is difficult. Can you tell Hagrid I'm really sorry?" She stuttered out, the tears streaming down her cheeks.

They all brought the lie, Harry wrapping her in a hug before they walked off. She stood there and cried for a few minutes, all alone. Like no one in the world cared about her.

It quickly turned to anger, her blood boiling. She stormed off to the Slytherin common room, knowing Draco was too proud to go to the hospital wing.

She found him there, on the couch, Crabbe and Goyle at his side.

"I can't believe Granger," Draco exclaimed, not noticing Y/n. "She's a filthy mudblood I could easily get expelled."

"Tell your father." Goyle prompted. Crabbe and Goyle were the best henchmen, dumb and wanting to cause trouble.

"Goyle, Crabbe, I need to speak to Malfoy," Y/n announced. They didn't understand what she meant. "Alone." They finally understood, scurrying out of the room.

Draco didn't look concerned, his eyes challenging her. "What do you want? Hanging out with your idiot twin, that poor, blood traitor Weaslbee and mudblood Granger." He was just as pissed as Y/n was. Maybe, it was the anger for Granger he was taking out on Y/n.

She couldn't hide it anymore. "We're done." She told him. "I cannot be with you when you hate everyone that loves me."

"Fine." Draco shrugged. "I don't care."

That was the last thing Y/n heard from him as she stormed to her dorm room, a sobbing mess. Pansy quickly wrapped her in a hug, not needing to know what happened.

It was the end of term before Y/n even looked in Draco's direction again. She spent all those nights silently sobbing. The slight silver lining was she had gotten much closer to Harry, Hermione and Ron, no longer spending hours with Draco.

He'd trapped her when she was alone in the bleachers, just like he did on their first week.

He didn't place a jacket on her, rather some sunglasses. "Hi." He murmured, hesitantly sitting next to her. Draco was sure Y/n hated him.

"Hey." She replied. The truth was, she missed him. Draco was a part of her, they had grown up in love. They were never meant to fall out of it.

"Enjoying your last day?" Draco asked awkwardly. They felt like they were back in their first year, acting self-consciously.

She nodded, not interested in his small talk. "Yeah, I'm all packed as well." She still refused to look at him.

"I'm sorry." It came tumbling out like he didn't know how to say it. That made her turn her attention to him.

Y/n couldn't help but love him. She never wanted to break up, ever. "Me too." She replied.

Y/n wrapped her arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. He just looked so precious.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" Draco asked, the question was phrased differently this time but it still reminded her of the shy first year.

"Yes." Y/n agreed. She had never known heartbreak like being without Draco.

"Also... I want it to be real this time." That made Y/n worry. She didn't want Harry to find out yet. There was no one Harry hated more. "Will you stay with us these holidays? And come to the Quidditch World Cup?" He asked shyly. That was the bashful boy she adored.

So far, Y/n's plans were to go to the Durley's. She'd just lie to them and say she was staying with Pansy. They wouldn't care because they didn't love her.

'Yes." Y/n told him. "I'm terrified to meet your parents." She admitted.

Draco took her hand in his. "Love, you have nothing to worry about." He assured her. In truth, he also had doubts about his father. Y/n was a Potter.

Once they left the bleachers, Y/n went to see Harry. The trio was in the courtyard.

"Oh Y/n, we were looking for you." Ron pipped up as she took a seat next to them. She tried to not blush too much. "Do you want to come to the Quidditch World Cup with us?" He asked. Uh oh.

"I'm really sorry. I told Pansy I'd go with her family." Y/n lied once again. She felt terrible doing it but she had to. Plus, they weren't going to find out.

"That's fine. Are staying with her the whole summer?" Harry asked. Y/n hated to have to nod. She knew they were keeping a brave face on but they were disappointed.

Y/n's lie worked. She made it to out of the station with Draco without anyone seeing.

They got in the car and, from there, they travelled to the manor. It was fabulous. Better than she could ever imagine. Pointed towers and perfectly done gardens, she was in another world.

"Hey, it'll be okay," Draco assured her, taking his hand in hers as they made it to the door. She had already met their house-elf, who carried the bags.

Draco knocked on the door, trying to seem brave. Narcissa swung it open, arms wide open to pull Draco in. Y/n admired how close they were. She had seen Narcissa once before when she came to see Draco. They weren't introduced but Y/n admired how elegant she looked.

"Y/n Potter, right?" Narcissa asked once she had let her boy go.

"Yes, Mrs Malfoy. It's a pleasure to meet you." Y/n politely said.

Narcissa giggled, shaking her head. "Don't be silly, you can call me Narcissa." She said before opening her arms up for the girl. She hugged for just as long as she hugged Draco, making Y/n feel very comfortable.

Lucius walked over, making Y/n's heart race.

"Draco." He greeted his son with a handshake, much less warm than his mother.

Then he turned to Y/n, staring down his nose at her. She had never felt as small. "You must be Y/n Potter?" He held out his hand.

"Yes, sir," Y/n replied, shaking his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you."

Lucius just scowled. Narcissa interrupted the tension. "Come, kids, we can talk in the living room." Just like that, she was part of the family.

The Malfoy tent at the Quidditch world cup was impressive. It was grand and dark like the manor.

Her summer with Draco was the best of her life, not that the others were much to compare to. Narcissa was the kindest woman she'd ever know. When she realised Y/n's birthday was the 31st of July, she insisted on throwing a large party.

She let Y/n pick out all the decorations, taking her on a shopping spree to Diagon Alley. Then, they had a spa day and afternoon tea party with Pansy and Daphne and some of Narcissa's friends. As much as she wanted to, Y/n figured it wasn't right to invite Hermione and Ginny.

That night, they had dinner out with the girls, Draco, Theo and Blaise. It was the best day of her life. It only got better when a massive cake was wheeled out, and a cart for of gifts. She was sure it was more than Dudley had ever gotten.

Draco's was the most special. It was a necklace, a traditional Black family one. On it was their initials.

Y/n made sure to stay in contact with Harry, but things had started to slip. She figured he was just busy but she missed him, and their other friends.

It was difficult for Y/n to get along with Lucius, knowing how close he was to Voldemort, the man who was trying to kill her. Somehow, they just didn't talk about it.

"Are you ready to go?" Draco asked, adjusting his black blazer. She couldn't believe how good he looked, a full black suit. His blonde hair parted in the middle. He had grown into his looks majorly over the summer.

"Yeah." Y/n nodded, putting her last earing in. They were a gift from Narcissa, real emeralds. She had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach she was trying to shake off as anticipation.

"Okay, Mum has already gone to our box. We're going in with my Father." He told her, walking over to grab her hand. Physical contact was something the couple had gotten used to. It was no longer awkward.

Y/n took his hand, lacing their fingers as they walked out of the tent. Draco was taller than her now, he hadn't been in first year. His slim thumb traced over her knuckles mindlessly.

Lucius didn't seem to mind the two of them being so close. The sky had darkened, and the crowds were already cheering. While Y/n had never been to a muggle sports game, she thought this was better. It was noisy but spectacular.

Draco and Y/n talked as they walked, him occasionally bumping into her shoulder. It always made her giggle.

When she heard Lucius' cruel voice, she looked back at him. He was looking up. Y/n followed his eye line. The Weasley's. Hermione. Harry.

Her brain stopped working, and she froze. The look on Harry's face was pure fury. He was looking between her and Draco rapidly, but it was obvious. They were holding hands, and they had just been giggling together.

Those smiles were long gone. The atmosphere had immediately blackened.

Lucius' threat to Harry made her wince. Harry didn't even look bothered, just furious at her. Betrayed. It physically hurt her, and she gripped Draco's hand.

The Weasley group turned to walk off so did Lucius. Draco pulled Y/n closer to him, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"Hey, don't worry. It'll be okay. Harry will calm down." Draco told her. She just hoped it was true. Harry didn't like to be deceived, and she had lied so much. Plus, Draco was never nice to Harry, Hermione and Ron. They probably hated her by association. "My father really shouldn't have said that." He grimaced. That's made her confident in her decision. Draco had changed.

Y/n nodded, trying to choke back the tears welling in her eyes. "Yeah, I know."

Draco stopped in the middle of the bridge. He took her face in his hands. "Hey, I love you." He reminded her before leaning down to kiss her. It was soft and filled her back up with warmth, making the chilling look Harry had sent her go away. She just hoped Harry still loved her.

Y/n tried to put Harry in the back of her mind the rest of the break. She did write him a few letters, but he didn't reply.

Harry was too busy to talk to Y/n on the first day of school. She hoped Hermione and Ron weren't giving her the cold shoulder, but they did.

So she spent the welcome feast with Pansy and Daphne. And, of course, her boyfriend.

He confronted her on the second day of school.

Y/n was in the courtyard when Draco and Harry had their quarrel. She always knew Draco was short-tempered, but she couldn't believe the things he was saying to Harry about their mother.

Y/n's shock grew when Harry spat back, knocking Narcissa. He didn't know her like she did. Narcissa had been nothing but kind to Y/n. That was when she knew she couldn't let Harry get away with it.

"Harry!" Y/n yelled, his attention flicked to her. His eyes were even more outraged than they were with Draco.

"What do you want, traitor?" Harry demanded, his voice was angry too.

"You can't say those things about Narcissa," Y/n demanded. Now she knew how mad Draco felt. Her jaw was clenched like her fits. "And, I'm not a traitor. I'm a Slytherin, that wasn't my choice."

Harry rolled his eyes and huffed. "You're sickening. Did you not hear what he said about our mother!?" He lectured her. "I don't know how you could be with someone so vile."

"Draco isn't who you think he is." Y/n defended. Draco loved her. He'd never given up on her like Harry had.

"He hates you!" Harry spat. He was closer to her now, towering over her. She had never seen anyone that mad. "You're not a Potter. You don't belong in our family." He said so lowly it made her shiver.

Harry was so close she thought he was going to hit her. That's when Draco jumped in the middle of the twins, pushing Harry back and shielding Y/n.

"Watch it, Potter." Draco threatened, glaring down at Harry. He was only an inch taller.

Harry scoffed, fists clench, ready for a fight. He looked around Draco, at Y/n. "Mum and Dad would have despised you. You're just like all those other awful Slytherins. I don't understand how you could be with someone as low as Malfoy." His words sat deep in her heart, and he didn't stop them from coming. "You're not a Potter." With that, he left, not looking back.

Y/n immediately burst out in tears. She couldn't stop it. Draco spun around to her, holding her so she wouldn't collapse.

"Hey, hey, hey. It's okay." Draco told her, wrapping her in his arms so tightly. He just held her. "You know they would be proud of you, Y/n. You're so strong and clever." He comforted her, his hands stroking her back.

Y/n shook her head. "No, I'm a Slytherin. They were all brave Gryffindors." She choked out.

"It doesn't matter what house you're in. You're so kind and talented." Draco reassured her. His heart was breaking, seeing his girlfriend in such a bad state. All he wanted to do was stop her from hurting. "I know how important Harry is to you. We can take a break until this all blows over." He reassured her.

Y/n shook her head, clinging to her chest. "No, no, please, Dray." She said as she cried out. "You're the last good thing I have left."

"Baby." He cooed, tracing her cheekbones. "I'll never leave you." He promised.

Draco stayed true to his word. He supported her throughout the whole year. Y/n was always worried for Harry. Despite the shunning, he inflicted on her.

It didn't stop with Harry. Y/n lost half of her friends that day. Hermione, the Weasley's and most muggle-borns refused to talk to her. She was always so kind that it troubled her.

Draco took her to the Yule ball, naturally. She saw Harry that night. They even made eye contact, but he didn't comment on her forest green dress. It matched her eyes perfectly, though, and Harry couldn't stop thinking about one photo of his mother he'd seen. They looked so similar.

She spent the Christmas break at the Malfoy's, receiving a sweater from Molly Weasley. That meant the world to her, despite none of them speaking to her.

When they got back to Hogwarts, Y/n figured out how irrelevant she was to Harry. Ron was the one that was taken for the second task. Everyone noticed. Not his own twin, his friend.

Y/n still remained close with Sirius. They wrote letters to each other throughout the year. He knew how worried she was about Harry.

The truth was, Sirius felt bad, James and Lily were his best friends and he knew they'd be disappointed to see the twins split up. Sirius was also worried for Y/n, he knew what it was like being part of the Black family.

He had hatched a few plans to get them to talk, but none worked. Not due to Y/n's lack of trying.

The third task was the worst thing Y/n had been through at Hogwarts. She could feel something bad was happening to Harry. When he came back through the portkey, she saw it. And it was distressing.

Voldermort was reborn, whether everyone believed it or not. Y/n could feel it was true.

5th year was exciting.

Y/n celebrated her 15th birthday before it started. This time, they had dinner with her friends. She didn't write to Harry.

Sirius sent her gifts, and he was starting to ask whether Narcissa was okay.

Just after her birthday, in August, Draco Malfoy and Y/n Potter were made prefects. They both read the letters at the breakfast table.

Narcissa was overjoyed for both of them.

At 11am, on the 1st of September, they got on the train to Hogwarts.

The rest of that year went on normally, apart from Umbridge's rules.

Christmas break was a sign that a darker power was brewing. Y/n heard the whispers under the door and she assumed the other side of the war also had meetings.

Y/n was shocked when Death Eaters escaped from Azkaban. After the Umbridge drama died down, they had to sit their O.W.L.s. That was rough.

One terrible day of June was Sirius' last. Y/n cried in Draco's arms for days over the death. She always thought Sirius was the only person who was going to be able to reunite the twins. And now he was gone.

Y/n knew something was very wrong during the summer. Draco told her he was a death eater. They cried about it together all night. The weeks following were stressful, and they weren't even back at Hogwarts. The war had started.

Draco and Narcissa kept Y/n hidden from Lucius' guests. O.W.L results were the first good thing that summer.

Y/n's 16th birthday was smaller than her last. Y/n, Draco, Pansy, Blaise and Theo were all hyperaware of the dementor attacks.

That weekend, they visited Diagon Alley with Narcissa. Y/n was at Draco's side the whole time, unfortunately, that meant she had a run-in with Harry and the Weasleys. It was awkward, to say the least. Her own twin still wouldn't acknowledge her.

Draco's task started at the beginning of the year. Y/n was the only one who knew about it, besides Snape.

Then Christmas, with even more death eater meetings. Y/n barely saw Draco. Narcissa had made her promise to take care of him, but it was difficult to get him to eat.

Draco continued his task during the second semester. Y/n knew that Harry knew about Draco. Their twin insight gave him the power to just know things.

It was getting difficult between Y/n and Draco. They didn't talk as honestly as they used to. He wanted to protect her. And she knew he needed to open up.

One day in May, Y/n rushed to see Draco in the hospital wing, concerned about how he could have gotten there. Did something go wrong with the vanishing cabinet?

"Draco!" She cried as she saw him lying on a hospital bed looking pale.

Draco waved at her, a little smile on his face.

"Potter." Snape hissed, looking down at the girl. Y/n didn't care he was there as she wrapped her arms around Draco. Snape was nicer to Y/n this year, which she didn't understand.

From a photo Sirius had given her, she knew she looked more like Lily than ever. She always kept the picture near her. It was the Potter parents holding up their twins, smiling.

"He's fine," Snape told her. "As for your brother, he's going to be in huge trouble." He continued before walking out of the hospital wing.

"What happened?" Y/n demanded, holding Draco's face in her hands. His cheekbones were more prominent now, and his eyes were more overcast.

Draco playfully huffed. "I was, uh, in the bathroom. Potter came in and used the bloody Sectumsempra spell on me." He complained, his eyes now angrier. She couldn't believe Harry would do something like that. But, then again, she didn't really know him.

Y/n noticed the way his voice faded when he talked about where he was. "Why were you in the bathroom?" She knew him well enough to push for an answer."

"Uh, talking." Draco offered an explanation. It wasn't good enough for Y/n to accept.

"To who?" She asked.

Draco groaned, rolling his eyes. He finally gave in. "Fine, I was crying to Moaning Myrtle." He admitted. His cheeks were pink with blush and he looked guilty.

"Dray." Y/n cooed, reaching down to hold his hand. "You can talk to me about anything you need to, any time." She assured him.

Draco nodded, thankfully. "He's going to get detention for the rest of the year." He told her, a self-satisfied smirk on his lips.

Narcissa was one of the last people Y/n expected to see walk into the Hospital Wing. She was in a black pantsuit.

"Mother." Draco greeted her, trying to move in the bed to get up.

"Stay put, you," Narcissa told him with a smile. She walked right over and hugged Y/n. "Are you okay?" She asked. Y/n just nodded. She knew a storm was brewing, but nothing had happened yet. It was only a matter of time. Then she turned to Draco. "Are you?" She asked him.

Draco already had a witty reply, clearly feeling like himself again. "Aside from my own mother preferring my girlfriend to me." He complained, a faux pout on his face.

Narcissa just rolled her eyes, like mother like son. "I can't help it. You get into too much trouble." She told him with a pointed look.

Draco scoffed. "Wasn't my fault." He complained quietly. The girls just gave him a look he knew too well. "Honestly, what are you doing here?" He asked. When Narcissa widened her eyes, he followed the question up with a statement. "Not that I'm not pleased to see you."

"I've actually come for Y/n." She explained.

Both Y/n and Draco looked at her in shock. "What? Why?" Y/n asked, most concerned.

Narcissa looked to Draco who sighed out an 'oh' and then back to Y/n before speaking. "You know about the cabinet." Y/n nodded. "They need it. The Death Eaters. To get into Hogwarts." That made Y/n worry. They weren't coming in to have dinner.

"You don't know this." Draco started, making Y/n's attention turn to him. "My task is to kill Dumbledore." Y/n's mouth gawked open. She could feel her hands shaking. More than anything, she couldn't believe someone would make a kid do that.

Narcissa grimaced. "It's all about to start." Y/n didn't need to ask what 'it' was. "So I'm taking Y/n away." She told them.

"Wait... for how long?" Draco asked quickly, gripping her hand.

"Draco, you sit in those meetings," Narcissa told him. "You know the plan is for them to take over the Ministry of Magic and persecute muggle-borns." That made Y/n wince. "It's not safe for Y/n to stay at Hogwarts, don't be silly about this." She strictly told him.

Draco sighed but nodded. He knew Narcissa was always right. "Can I still see her?" He asked, now thinking rationally. Y/n didn't like that she didn't have any say in the matter.

"Yes." At least there was that. "No one is going to know where she is apart from Lucius, you and I," Narcissa told them.

"Do I get any say in this?" Y/n finally spat out.

Narcissa turned her attention to Y/n with a pleading look. "You know we have to."

"I've still got a month of school left," Y/n argued.

"I know and I'm sorry we have to do this." Narcissa apologised. "It's all going to happen next month."

"Can't I stay until then?" Y/n asked.

Narcissa shook her head. "I promise you, if I thought you could, I would let you. You're a big part of what you-know-who wants, Harry more, but you must stay far away from this." She told her.

Y/n couldn't not agree. "Alright. We're leaving now?" She asked.

"Yes," Narcissa told her. "All of your things have been packed. Draco can come and see you once it's over." She promised.

Draco wrapped his arms around Y/n as he kissed her. It was one of the things she knew she was going to miss. She also knew it was time to go.

"Bye, I love you," Draco told her, waving from his hospital bed.

"I love you too," Y/n replied before walking out of the wing with Narcissa.

From there, they went out a secret passage, making sure no one saw. Professor Snape knew Y/n had to go, so he was coming up with the cover story.

Narcissa and Y/n finally reached a Slytherin scarf, which took them to a house she'd never been to. "Where are we?" Y/n asked, still holding on to the portkey.

"The South of England," Narcissa told her, making her brows furrow and eyes widen. "It's an old Black family house." She explained, opening the door. It was just as grand as the Manor, smaller, though.

Inside it looked just as gorgeous. All the decor was French country vintage. It screamed old money.

"It's beautiful," Y/n told Narcissa, having a look around the inside. There was so much light streaming into the room with wooden details.

"I'll make some tea. Your room is on the second floor, first door." Narcissa told her. Y/n nodded, walking up the stairs to find the room. It was decorated like royalty belonged there. There was a massive window that looked right out onto the coast.

It was then she realised the house was on a cliff. Y/n hadn't seen it from the angle the entryway was at. But it was spectacular. Lonely.

Y/n could spend her whole life there. She set her bags down and strolled around the room. It was smaller than Draco's was, at the manor. But it was much lighter. Almost the complete opposite of the Malfoy family home.

Once she had finished looking around, she went back downstairs to see Narcissa setting tea up on the coffee table. When she walked into the living room she saw the massive windows, showing the ocean.

"Sit," Narcissa commanded and Y/n did so right away. She poured tea for both of them before also sitting down. They sat in silence for a while, Y/n not knowing what to say. "I can tell you have questions." Narcissa prompted.

"Why is Snape protecting Draco and I?" Y/n asked quickly.

Narcissa sighed before answering. "Do you know what an Unbreakable Vow is?" She asked, and Y/n nodded. "Severus and I made one. He vowed to watch over Draco." Y/n nodded again. That vow must have expended to Y/n.

Y/n suddenly had more questions. "You need a Bonder, right?"

"Yes, Bellatrix was ours," Narcissa replied. Y/n was familiar with Draco's strange aunt. They had never met, out of Bellatrix's loyalty to Voldermort.

"Are you going to stay here with me?" She asked, concerned about being alone.

Narcissa shook her head. "I'm sorry. I can only be here sometimes. The story is you ran away, and no one knows where you are, so I can't be here too much." Y/n didn't know that before. Everyone was going to think she'd left by choice. Pansy, Daphne, Blaise, Theo. Harry, if he cared. She knew none of them were going to be able to know why she was gone.

"Am I safe here?" Y/n asked, now worrying about how she would be safe alone. The tea they were sipping seemed to calm her down.

"Yes, there are charms on the house so no one can get in. But, I'm also giving you this." Narcissa stopped what she was saying and pulled out a necklace. It was a heart-shaped gold locket. Narcissa placed it in her hand. Y/n looked at it. That's when she noticed the initials on it. Draco's and hers.

Y/n thanked her. "That's not it. If you open it like this." Narcissa instructed, opening the heart. Y/n noticed the emerald gemstone. "This stone is a portkey, right to the Manor." So Y/n would be able to get back to the Manor.

"I can't thank you enough, and I don't want to intrude, but I do have a personal question." Y/n was hesitant about what she was going to ask. But she needed to know. "You said before, in the hospital wing, that Mr Malfoy knew where I was staying. And I have a lot of respect for him, so I don't want this to come off badly." Y/n could tell she was rambling. Narcissa could as well, she slid a hand onto Y/n's to calm her down. "Why is it safe for him to know? He's you-know-who's number 2. Eventually, he's going to want me dead." It broke Y/n's heart, she knew it was going to ruin Draco's life. But, his father was going to have to kill her.

"Slow down." Narcissa smiled softly. That comforted Y/n a little. "Do you remember when we met, the summer before the World Cup?" She asked. Y/n nodded in agreement, not sure where it was going. "The night we met you, I knew. I knew Draco was in love with you. And, I knew Voldermort was going to come back and try to kill the Potter twins." Y/n's heart started to race at the mention of her parents' death. "I made Lucius make an unbreakable vow. Snape was the Bonder." Oh, it made sense. Lucius couldn't hurt Y/n, Narcissa had protected her.

She just didn't understand why so she asked. "Why? I mean, I appreciate it more than anything. But you risked your whole marriage." It was true, and Narcissa knew that.

"I've never thought you or Harry should be persecuted. My parents raised me as pureblood supremacists, but killing is wrong." Narcissa told her. Y/n was thankful for her honesty. She filled the place Lily had left, and Petunia hadn't tried to fill. "I love Draco, more than anything in the world. The only thing I've ever wanted is to see him happy. I knew he was happy with you." Y/n understood Narcissa's unconditional love for Draco, she felt the same.

"He's lucky to have you," Y/n mentioned, trying not to think about her parents.

"I don't know if I've ever told you this, but I'm very sorry about your parents," Narcissa told her. Y/n could feel the tears in her eyes.

She let a few of them fall. "Did you, uh, know them?"

"My last two years at Hogwarts, they were there. James was only 11 but he was loud and brave. He would even stand up to me with Sirius." Hearing both their names made Y/n cry more. She was crying for the dad she never knew, and the uncle she only had for a short time. "I noticed you at Hogwarts, I think during second year, and I had deja vu. You looked so similar to Lily. She always wore her hair just like you did." Y/n remembered seeing Narcissa but she didn't remember Narcissa seeing her.

"Would they be disappointed in me?" Y/n couldn't help but ask. Narcissa felt her pain, running deep. She immediately wrapped the girl in a hug, letting her cry.

"No, never for a moment." She confirmed. "I know it's not the same, but I'm proud of you." It wasn't the same, but it meant just as much.

"Thank you." Y/n thanked her again.

"No thanks are necessary. I should go back though." Narcissa stated, looking at her watch.

Y/n nodded, gently opening the necklace so she wouldn't touch the emerald. Narcissa held it, and just like that, she was gone.

Y/n found a good amount of things to do. There were movies and music. She still had some of her textbooks. Plus, exploring the house was fun.

But she did miss Draco. And the rest of her friends. Instead of using an owl, she decided to send letters by muggle post to the Malfoy residence, so Narcissa could send them to Hogwarts.

There was a knock on the door a couple of weeks after Y/n moved in.

She peaked out the window before seeing a tuff of blonde hair. It was Draco.

Quickly, she swung the door open, embarrassing him in her arms.

Draco hugged her back, lifting her off the ground and twirling her around.

"Dray, I missed you." She cooed, head buried in his shoulder.

"I missed you too, my girl." He replied, pulling her even closer. It was so tight she felt like she couldn't breathe.

When she pulled back, she had a thought. "How did you manage to come? Don't you have classes?"

Draco shook his head. "Quidditch match. It's Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw, so I came here instead." Y/n was very grateful for Quidditch that day.

They only had a few hours before people would notice he was gone. But they baked cookies together while Draco filled her in on everything she'd missed. As well as lots of kissing.

When it came time for him to leave, she was upset. But Draco made her promise not to cry.

Draco came back after the battle of the tower. Y/n knew there was something wrong. He didn't grin as wide when he met her at the beach.

There were already tears forming in his eyes, and it was late.

"Dray, talk to me, baby." Y/n pleaded as they lay together on the couch. It was far past midnight. Y/n was on Draco's chest and they were a tangle of limbs. She had her fingers running through his hair.

Draco sighed. "I couldn't do it." He sobbed out. "I couldn't kill him. Snape had to do it. It was so horrible, Y/n." He continued, tears still falling. "My father was so mad. He cares more about appeasing Voldermort than me." Y/n's heart clenched as she heard his words.

"Draco, he loves you." Y/n tried to reassure him.

Draco tried to accept it, but it was difficult. "I'm scared for what's going to happen." He told her.

"Me too," Y/n admitted. "How's it all going to end?" She asked him.

The truth was Draco didn't know. And she knew that. "They're talking over the Manor." He didn't want to be the one telling her the bad news. "They're going to go after anyone and everyone associated with Muggleborns. I'm not going to get to be here much." He hesitantly admitted.

"You've done what they needed you to do, though!" Y/n exclaimed, feeling outraged.

"I know. I'm not sure what they're going to do with me. Father lectured me and I just came here." Draco explained. It reassured her there might be some hope he could spend the summer there. "It'll be okay, Y/n."

She tried to retain that. "Can you come back on my birthday, at least?" Y/n asked.

"Of course, baby." Draco quickly replied. That brought Y/n some relief.

Draco was busy a lot of the summer. Despite having completed the task he was given, he was still Lucius's son.

He told Y/n all about how the Manor had been taken over by death eaters. It worried her. She also spent a lot of time worried about Harry. He was the only blood connection she had left in the world, and she had no idea where he was.

Draco came back on her birthday like he promised. He had more flowers than she'd ever seen in her life. That wasn't where the gifts ended. Jewellery, new shoes, perfume and a big cake.

Narcissa made it as well for dinner. She even insisted Draco stay the night.

By nighttime, they were lying in bed together. Draco's arms wrapped around her tightly. As usual, she lay against his chest. Draco stroking her hair.

When she looked up at him, she knew something was wrong. After all their years together, she could read him like a book. "What is it?"

"What do you mean?" He asked. His voice was a slightly higher pitch. Y/n recognised that as a sign he was hiding something.

"I can tell something bothering you," Y/n explained. "Let me in, Dray." She pleaded.

Draco knew he had to. "I have to leave early tomorrow morning."

Y/n knew that wasn't it. "I need the whole truth." Draco groaned, knowing she knew him better than he knew himself.

"I have to go early so I can be at the takeover of the ministry," Draco revealed to her. "They're going after Scrimgeour because he knows where Harry is." Oh. That wasn't good. Either the minister would give up Harry's location, and her twin brother would be killed. Or, the Ministry of Magic would be run by Death Eaters. Either way, their power was growing. Y/n knew Harry only had a matter of time. Then she would be next.

"So, no one knows where Harry is?" Y/n asked hopefully. Even if he hated her, she would rather he was alive.

Draco shook his head. "He's hunting the Horcruxes, I'd guess. Scrimgeour knows and maybe a few members of the Ministry." That made Y/n relieved, although she wasn't sure how good Harry's survival skills were.

"Am I going to be okay?" Y/n asked, fearing the worst.

Draco took a deep breath as he prepared an answer. "I'm never going to let him get to you, I promise. My Father's vow will make sure he can't either. No one else knows you're here." He reassured her. Y/n just hoped it was true, Draco could read that.

"So you're going back to Hogwarts?" Y/n couldn't help but ask.

Draco nodded. "I think Snape is going to be appointed Headmaster. I'll be safe there." That reassured Y/n to no end. He chuckled slightly, a smile on his face. "We were going to be Head boy and girl." He explained. Y/n's face dropped as she tried not to cry. "Hey, hey, hey." Draco noticed. "It's just the way it happened."

"I know." She nodded. "It just could have been the best year ever."

"When this is all over, we're going to have the best year." He assured her. Y/n tried to hang onto that.

It got difficult the further the year dragged on. Y/n barely saw Draco. She did receive letters about how horrible things had gotten. Hogwarts was gloomier, no one could find Harry, Snape's regime was intense. Y/n was thankful she was away from the whole mess.

Just before Christmas, she found out Luna Lovegood had been kidnapped. Draco had started to detest the cause he was fighting for. He never said so, but she could infer it from what he wrote.

In March, she discovered Harry had been captured. Draco was the one who had to identify him, and he felt horrible about it. He cried on her shoulder, begging her to forgive him when he came to see her. Y/n was never mad at Draco. She was smart enough to know he had to do it. And, deep down, she could feel that Harry was okay.

Draco was in a worse state when they escaped. Not because he wanted Harry to be killed. Because his own aunt had murdered Dobby. While he was taught to hate the house-elves, Dobby was almost his younger sibling.

All Draco could feel was split, unsure of what to do.

Draco told her it was all going to happen on May 1st. The battle of Hogwarts. Y/n spent the whole day riddled with anxiety. She spent a whole 3 days wide awake, waiting for news.

She felt a cursing pain through her head at some point on the 2nd of May. Then the visions started, of Harry and Dumbledore at a train station. She realised she was seeing inside Harry's vision. When he made the choice to return to his body, Y/n knew everything would be alright.

Y/n anxious sat on the couch until 3 people appeared. It was only the early hours of the morning. She immediately ran to Draco wrapping her arms around him. He was unkempt, and his hair was a mess. He hugged her back, pulling her into his chest. She had never seen him looking as disturbed.

"What happened?" Y/n asked, turning to give Narcissa a hug. Much to her surprise, Lucius shook her hand. It was the first time they'd ever done something like that.

"We left," Lucius told her. That was also the first time he'd ever properly talked to her. She didn't understand.

They explained it all to her. How Harry sacrificed himself, how he died, more importantly how Narcissa discovered he was alive. Y/n hung on every word as Narcissa told her how she had lied to Voldermort. She also told Y/n Harry asked if she was still alive. Harry still cared about her.

By that point Draco, Narcissa and Y/n were all crying.

The sun had just started rising when Y/n realised it.

Suddenly, she had a massive headache. The kind she knew Harry used to have. And she knew what it meant.

"Voldermort's dead," Y/n announced, causing all of their eyes to widen. "I just know. I can feel it. Harry killed him." She felt more connected to Harry than she had in years, but she knew.

There were no words any of them said as they hugged. She could feel her head beating rapidly, the same as Draco's.

"Who died?" Y/n finally asked the question she was terrified to ask. Harry was the only one she knew was alive from the good side.

"Bellatrix." Narcissa sobbed out, Lucius immediately pulling her into a hug. It was one of the first times Y/n had seen them acting so intimately.

Draco continued giving Y/n the list. Every second felt like an hour as she hoped none of her friends died. "Fred Weasley." She could only think about the heartbreak that would have caused her brother and his friends. "Snape too." Draco let a few tears fall and Y/n rushed to wipe them. "Lupin and Tonks." Lupin was the last person alive who really knew her parents. Now her chances of knowing about them were over. "There were a lot of others too but everyone else we are close to is okay."

"Good." Y/n nodded before wrapping him in a hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes. Both couples holding each other, all feeling extremely grateful.

"We should go back home," Narcissa told them, glancing at the clock on the wall. "We'll have breakfast." She promised.

Draco enthusiastically nodded. "I'm starving." He mentioned.

Narcissa reached out to grab his hand. "You haven't eaten in days."

Y/n quickly turned her attention to Draco. "Dray." She told him, hitting his arm. "You can't do that."

"I won't, ever again." He promised, his hand wrapping around her waist. "As long as you're there to cook for me." He cheekily quipped, looking at Y/n with a grin. It was the first one she had seen in a while.

Narcissa and Lucius both laughed at the younger couple who reminded them of themselves. "You're dreaming," Y/n replied, bumping into his shoulder. Y/n opened her necklace.

Narcissa, Draco, Lucius and Y/n all touched the emerald. Just like that, they arrived in the Manor living room. It was like Y/n remembered, still as dark. She did feel better about being there, knowing no death eaters were trying to kill her brother.

Over pancakes, they laughed and talked. The world finally felt peaceful again. It was the first time Y/n had been happy in weeks.

An owl knocked at the window, around midday and Y/n took the two letters out of its mouth.

"Dray." She told him, handing his one over to him. "It's from Hogwarts." She told Narcissa and Lucius. They both opened their letters and read them. "In June, they're having an end of year feast," Y/n explained.

"So, we've got a month off school?" Draco looked thrilled by the news.

Narcissa chuckled. "What does it say about your exams?" She asked.

Draco read further down. "Mine says my grades from last year will be considered my grades for this year and I can become an Aurora. Or I can go back to Hogwarts." There was hopefulness in his voice Y/n had missed.

"Draco!" Narcissa cheered, jumping up to hug him. "Congratulations."

"Mine says the same." Y/n realised. "But how is that possible?" She asked, looking at Narcissa.

"I'm not sure." The woman replied, looking just as confused.

"I may have a few words with the acting Ministry when Voldermort was in charge," Lucius reported. All 3 of them were shocked by the confession.

Y/n was overcome with appreciation. "Thank you, sir."

"Please, Lucius is fine." That surprised Y/n but it was nice to hear he might not have hated her as much as she thought. It was the first time Y/n had seen a smile on his face. "What are you two planning on doing with your time off?" He asked the younger couple.

Draco and Y/n met each other's eyes, they hadn't thought about it. "What are we meant to do?" Draco asked.

"The house on the cliff is empty, if you want to spend more time there, Y/n," Narcissa mentioned. Draco grinned widely, nodding his head. He accepted the offer. "Slow down, Y/n?" Narcissa asked, turning her attention to Y/n.

"Yes, I'd love to. Thank you." Y/n affirmed her boyfriend's acceptance.

"When can we go?" Draco asked.

Lucius chuckled. "You don't want to spend time with your parents, son?" He joked. Another first. "You're going of age now, Draco. Y/n too. I think you've both earned the privilege of being treated like adults." He told them.

"You have to be back for your birthday, Draco. We're going to throw a party." Narcissa instructed, raising her eyebrows at him.

"So I'm not an adult?" Draco quipped back.

Narcissa turned to Y/n. "Will you make sure he comes back?" Y/n nodded. "Then you are both free to leave after I get a hug." She informed them, opening her arms up. Draco hugged her first, standing much taller than her.

Then he left to get his stuff. Lucius followed him up the stairs. Y/n walked over to Narcissa, embracing her.

"Thank you, for everything." Y/n mentioned in her arms.

"It's never a problem, sweetness," Narcissa replied, kissing the girl on the forehead.

Y/n and Draco took a different portkey to the house. Both of them were buzzing to have a month together after being apart for so long. They finally felt free and independent.

For a few weeks, they just hung out, reacquainting with each other. They spent time in London, seeing muggle sights and shopping. As well as the small, nearby muggle town. It had the cutest cafe.

Draco and Y/n also hung out with Pansy, Theo and Blaise again. They were all thrilled to see her. She explained the whole situation to them and they completely understood.

Between them, it was like no time was lost.

One summer evening, Draco had insisted on cooking Y/n dinner. He explained it was a date. She was to dress up nice like they were going out. Draco was in a full black suit, matching Y/n's sparkling black dress.

He even set the outdoor table, making Y/n sit there and wait for him to bring out dinner.

It was a pasta dish. The same one Narcissa had made the first time Y/n met the Malfoy family.

"Thank you, Dray," Y/n said as they sat, looking out at the view. The sun was just setting and the whole sky was painted pinks and oranges. In the distance, there was the sound of waves breaking on the cliff.

Draco looked nervous, she hadn't seen him like that for a long time. "Uh, I had a question for you." He stuttered out, cheeks turning pink.

Y/n sent him a soft smile, trying to help him calm down. His nerves were worrying her. What could he possibly ask her? Y/n knew exactly what was about to happen when Draco slid off his chair and down onto one knee. Her hands immediately came over her mouth. Tears were already pricking her eyes. He reached into his back pocket, producing a green velvet box.

"I've, uh, I've thought about doing this for a really long time. When we first met I knew you were the one who was always going to hold a special part of my heart. It was everything about you. I never believed in love at first sight until I met you." Y/n was full-on sobbing at Draco's words. They were the sweetest thing anyone had ever said. "I knew from when I met you that I'd always love you. But I had no idea you'd bear to be around me for long enough. I was kind of insufferable." Y/n and Draco both chuckled. "I'm so grateful I even got the chance to know someone as clever, kind, funny and ambitious as you. Once I'd asked you out, I knew I needed you to be mine forever." Draco let a few tears out, stopping to wipe them. "I've done a lot of stupid things, hurt a lot of people and you're far too good for me, I know that. But, I swear, I'm going to spend every day making it up however I can. I'm going to spend every day making it up to you too. If you let me. I think I knew you before I understood myself. You truly are my best friend and the most important person to me in the world." Neither of them could stop the uncontrollable tears they let out. "So, uh, I've got to ask now. Y/n Potter, will you do me the honours of marrying me?" Draco opened the ring box, revealing a huge diamond ring. It looked vintage and the prettiest thing Y/n had ever seen.

Y/n wiped a few stray tears off her cheeks, leaning down to do that same to Draco. "Yes, Draco. A million times yes." He was grinning as wide as she'd ever seen as he slipped the ring on her finger.

He stood up, holding her face in his hands. "I love you." He told her, leaning down to kiss her gently.

"I love you too," Y/n replied, eyes closed with her forehead intimately pressed against Draco's. When she moved her eyes she looked down at the ring. "It's so beautiful, Dray."

Draco nodded before explaining the story. "It's, um, a Black family heirloom. If Mum, Aunt Bella or Aunt Andromeda were boys, they would have gotten it. Luckily for me, it skipped a generation."

"It's stunning." Y/n leant back up to place a kiss on his lips. "Now, what have you cooked for dessert?" She asked, giggling lightly.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Your favourite, of course, but only because you said yes." He revelled.

Y/n woke Draco up on his birthday with an assortment of gifts. After they ate breakfast and unwrapped presents, they went to the Manor.

Y/n knocked on the door happily. Draco's left hand entwined with her right one. Narcissa swung it open and embarrassed Y/n in an enthusiastic hug. She quickly grabbed Y/n's left hand, looking at the ring.

"I knew it would look perfect on you," Narcissa mentioned, tracing over the ring. Y/n grinned at her.

"It is perfect," Y/n said, grinning at Draco.

"You're perfect." Draco simply replied. Narcissa chuckled at the two of them. "Can I have my hug?" He asked Narcissa.

Narcissa dropped Y/n's hand hesitantly to pull him in. "18 but you're still acting like a petulant child." She joked making Draco pull a face of mock offence. "Happy birthday, Draco."

"Are you keeping them in here, Sissy?" Lucius asked, walking around the corner. Narcissa rolled her eyes at him. "Happy birthday, son." He said, wrapping Draco in a hug. "Y/n." Lucius turned to her.

"Mr Malfoy." Y/n greeted. She thought she was in trouble when he raised his eyebrows and shot her a pointed look. The smile on his lips assured her she wasn't about to be told off. "Lucius." She corrected herself.

Y/n held out a hand to shake his but he shook his head, opening his arms. "You're my future daughter-in-law, come here." He insisted, and Y/n hugged him, trying to avoid showing her shock.

After they had lunch and Draco opened more presents, Pansy, Daphne, Theo, Blaise, other friends and several Malfoy and Black family members came over. It was a phenomenal party.

Pansy raced right over to Y/n, flinging her arms around the girl.

"Hi Pansy, it's actually my birthday." Draco sarcastically greeted her.

Pansy rolled her eyes. "Happy birthday, you big baby." She said, giving him a hug too. "I'm sorry I missed my best friend." Draco faked offence.

Theo, Blaise and Daphne all came to hug the couple as well. Neither Y/n nor Draco had realised they didn't know about the engagement.

They all quickly got flutes of champagne, raising them to toast each Draco.

That's when Pansy saw it. "Oh, Merlin. Is that an engagement ring!?" Pansy shouted, grabbing Y/n's left hand.

Both Y/n and Draco awkwardly laughed. "Yes," Y/n confirmed as Pansy admired the ring, showing Y/n's hand to Daphne and the boys.

"That's not just any ring. That's a Black Family ring." Blaise noticed.

Y/n furrowed her eyebrows. "How did you know that?" She asked, looking back at Draco.

He was blushing pink. "Loverboy, here, has been talking about giving it to you since 1st year," Theo informed Y/n. "He wouldn't shut up about it most nights." Her eyes widened as she looked at a red-faced Draco.

"You never told me that," Y/n mentioned, nudging his chest. Draco groaned, wrapping his arm around Y/n's waist.

"Because it's really embarrassing." Draco quietly stated.

Daphne pattered Draco's arm. "Y/n used to talk about you in her sleep." Daphne declared. That made Y/n's cheeks heat. Draco and the rest of the friend group burst out laughing.

It was finally the day of the final Hogwarts feast. Y/n didn't ever think, at 11 years old, it was going to end like this. In 7 years, she had learnt so much more than most people learnt in their lifetime.

"Pans, Blaise." Y/n opened the door of the Black's seaside house to invite Pansy and Blaise in.

Pansy and Blaise were both dressed in formal clothing as they hugged Y/n. She was wearing a deep green dress that matched Draco's suit's tie.

"You look lovely." Pansy complimented her.

"Pansy, look at you!" Y/n returned the compliment, instructing Pansy to do a spin of her silver dress.

"Are we ready to go?" Draco asked, walking down the stairs. He was in a full black suit aside from his green tie. He bro-hugged Blaise and gave Pansy a hug before wrapping an arm around Y/n's waist.

Y/n nodded. "Let's do it."

Y/n hadn't seen how destructed Hogwarts was, but it now looked just like when she left. She couldn't help but feel sad at the tragedy that had occurred a month ago.

"It's odd being back," Pansy spoke what they were all thinking. Everyone gave her a nod of agreement.

The two couples walked into the great hall, hand in hand. Everyone was surprised to see Y/n. They still had no explanation for why she was gone.

Naturally, Y/n's eyes met her brother. She noticed how faded his lightning-bold scar looked. But she didn't go over to him, she just went to her house table.

McGonagall spoke, about the losses they had faced and how good always won in the end. Her speech was inspiring. Everyone was still distraught about the battle, it was evident on their faces.

They ate, laughing at their tables as the sky fell dark. Y/n had missed being at Hogwarts, it was like home to her. The couple finally made their way through the castle to go home when it was late.

"Y/n!" That was a voice she hadn't expected to hear. She hadn't heard him say her name in years. Harry. His voice was much deeper now.

Y/n stopped in her tracks, quickly turned around to look at him. She still looked like she remembered. "Hi." She greeted him, awkwardly rocking on her feet.

"I'll give you a moment," Draco mentioned, unlacing his hand with Y/n's and walking off.

Now, neither of them knew what to say. They were family but so disconnected.

"How are you?" Harry finally asked.

Y/n softly smiled. "I'm alright. And you?"

"Good." Harry stuttered. Silence fell again. "I'm so sorry." He blurted out. "I never should have said the things I did in 4th year. I was so angry about what Malfoy was saying and I couldn't believe it."

Y/n nodded. "I know, Harry, you don't need to explain it or be sorry."

"No, I do. I shouldn't have refused to talk to you for 3 years. It was childish and hurt you." Harry insisted. It made Y/n feel like the weight was off her shoulders. A weight she had been hauling for years. "I looked for you when I left Hogwarts for a whole year."

That was new information but it warmed Y/n's heart. "Harry, I had no idea." She replied, tears swelling in her eyes. "Narcissa told me you asked about me."

"I felt the worst I had ever felt. I was immature, and mum and dad would have been disappointed." Harry admitted.

Y/n shook her head, finally letting the tears fall at the thought of her parents. "Harry, no, please. They would be so proud of you for everything. I'm so sorry about everything I said as well. I just need to know if you hate me." She begged, looking into his matching eyes.

"I never hated you, not for a minute. I was mad but I was also stupid and prejudice." Harry told her, finally allowing her to relax. Y/n pulled him in for a hug without thinking about it. "I missed you so much." Harry was sobbing too, hot tears on Y/n's back.

"I missed you too. Ron and Hermione and the Weasley's too." Y/n told him, pulling back. "Would you maybe want to hang out sometime. Talk?"

Harry couldn't nod quick enough. "Yes, please. I'd really like that. We've missed a lot of time."

Y/n pulled him back in for another hug. It was like the two puzzle pieces were finally together. The part of her heart that was missing was now filled.

"Is your scar okay?" Y/n asked, running her left forefinger over Harry's forehead.

Harry nodded, glancing up at her finger. He noticed the ring. Harry grabbed Y/n's hand, examining it in front of her. "Oh my." He exclaimed.

"Please don't be mad." Y/n winced, breath shortening.

"No, not at all," Harry told her. "I just want to be a part of your life. Draco's as well." He told her honestly. Y/n had never felt better than she did right then.

"Thank you," Y/n told him. "Are you with Ginny?" She couldn't help but ask.

Harry smiled as he nodded. "Yeah. This ring is phenomenal though." Harry mentioned, smiling as he met Y/n's eyes.

"I know." Y/n agreed a giddy smile on her face.

Today just might have been the best day of her life. She had a twin brother she spoke to and an amazing fiancee. Life was perfect.

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