#Also I'm fine personally I just wanted
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By the way. If you start to feel like the world is out to get you or your world is falling apart or you verge on suicidal the week leading up to your periods, you should look into PMDD
Cause it turns out that ain't standard period symptoms
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'oh eddie getting jealous' this 'buck's first gay sex experience' that. what I want to see is, in the early days after Buck comes out, Tommy very gently pushing him against the wall in the lower level of the firehouse and sweetly but thoroughly kissing him goodbye before pulling back and smiling and leaving. and a 10 second close shot on Buck still leaning against the wall all blushing and giggly before we pan back to see half the Fam on the top level leaning over the railing as Chim wolf-whistles
#i'm kidding i'm fine with the first things. however i want this scene more than i've ever wanted anything in my life#i would also accept moving straight from the close shot to buck going up the stairs - only stumbling a little - and#hen just grinning and patting him on the back at the top#911#kinkley#i've seen as the ship name we're going with?#personally i'm sticking to#buckard#but that's just bc it makes me think of cowboys and i like cowboys#9-1-1#mine#911 spoilers#Evan Buckley#Tommy Kinard#tevan#bucktommy
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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rough day?
open for better quality | no reposts
#kaveh#alhaitham#kavetham#genshin impact#genshin#fanart#myart#doodle#i'm fine!! probably. i just wanted to draw alhaitham being comforted#while it is funny that he became acting grand sage despite not liking leadership positions-#i do feel bad for him just bc those positions often entail much more stress and work#kaveh gives him hug hugs and patpats and chu chus to help him feel better! and they will talk about whatever's bothering him#while i would love to wish for alhaitham this coming update i think we all know my priorities lie with a certain adeptus#i will have him eventually though#for kvthm reasons and personal reasons#unrelated but i also got k.hadein b.yleth in feh this morning. if anyone plays#snagged two 4 stars early into pity and decided that was a sign to stop#it's good though i have feathers so he's a merged 5 star now#didn't even have to whale 😌#'whale' meaning i spend the 2k orbs i've been saving since forever
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Wei Wuxian eats a watermelon. Yep!
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#nothing out of the ordinary here. Just good fandom fun#Watermelon discourse has been going on and I want to let people know where I stand.#This came about because I wanted to experiment with translating the (traditional) PD-MDZS style to a digital format#and while sitting there thinking of what to draw...my inspiration came to me.#This is the equivalent of sneaking vegetables into the spaghetti sauce but its important to get your gotdamn veggies#I'm not very good at organizing my thoughts (evidence: the tags of every post on this blog).#but please do not look away from this moment in history. One person cannot solve it and no one expects you to.#Even if it is just spending time doing some research on the situation and history. Or boosting posts that are more articulate#Any action helps! ANY action! Everyone has a different level of capacity for this and that's okay. Anything is fine. Dont let it be nothing#Anyhow. did I like doing this digitally? Yes but its mixed. It was faster but also spark the same joy I usually get while drawing#I will have to get over it very quickly though. You will all see why in a few days
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look i understand if people just don't like the idea of billford, i think we have a different internal concept of what shipping means (they're not good for each other at all but i need to dissect their dynamic like a bug. you understand. it's fun) but it's fine to avoid things you don't like, good for you genuinely
however people saying they like. don't see it. like. i'm not saying there's no platonic way to read it, i'm aroace spec myself i'm all for reading things in different ways. but i do think saying they weren't partners in any queer sense at all is trying too hard to go against what the narrative is trying to say, or missing it. somehow
anyway media literacy time if a character makes a joke like this
and the previous context of that joke within the show is that it's about an ex wife. what connection do you think the text is trying to get you to make.
and that's just from a writing point of view. not even noting that from an in universe perspective ford likely knows the joke from the same source as stan. and is therefore. placing himself in that role of the joke are you seeing where i'm coming from
(not to mention bill's side of this text which is. extremely manipulative but also does not read very platonic. again, it can technically be read as platonic! bill literally can manipulate ford's feelings. but the specific wording used is very much meant to look like possessive ex partner wording whether the character means it that way or not. it's coding. look again i'm not saying it was good for them i'm just saying there was something there.)
and then there's also the divorce/break up/rock bottom input on the website. like. how else is that supposed to be read. and the corresponding page in the book itself.
the language being used here. like yes he's saying it in a joking way but then there's the other side that isn't joking which is him crying at the bar. it's the both sides (the very coded language on top of the very genuine emotions and dynamic beneath)
i know most of us are on the same page with this i've just seen a couple people saying they don't see it when this is some of the most clear cut coding i've ever seen. and these are just the things that explicitly reference a relationship off the top of my head i'm not even including the general vibes of Everything
tl;dr it's barely even subtext anymore it's all but straight up text. what's not clicking have we forgotten what coding is (lighthearted i just enjoy the phrase what's not clicking. what's not clicking)
#also i fully think they can be aroace spec about it if that's the issue. i have nonspecific aroace spec headcanons for ford i understand#i do personally think there was some form of attraction there even if not in the most typical way. but the specifics are there to play with#i don't think they ever necessarily labelled it as a relationship either#but yeah. like. yes it can technically be read platonically. sure. i would say most things can be#there are no rules to it have fun#but from a writing perspective. why would it include some of these things if it didn't want you to see them as exes in some sense#i'm sorry but this is just. text i don't know why i'm trying to convince the like three people who don't already see this i should sleep#billford#too scared to main tag other than that#gravity falls#changed my mind i have like 3 followers i'll be fine#the people who would explode me the most probably already have the billford tag blocked or something#the book of bill#thisisnotawebsitedotcom#this is not a website dot com#does the tag have spaces or not. i'm not checking. it's 11:30 pm here
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He was about to kill you, Lex. Or divulge something you didn't want me to know.
— SMALLVILLE, "Forever" (4.21)
+ bonus from "Arctic" (7.20):
#smallville#smallvilleedit#svedit#lex luthor#jason teague#lionel luthor#clark isn't in these scenes but they're still very much#clex#sv 4x21#sv 7x20#dcmultiverse#my gifs#'why can't you see what's right in front of your face lex?' god. god. godddd.#I think there's a really interesting discussion to be had (with many potential viewpoints)#re: to what extent lex actually knew the truth either consciously or subconsciously at any particular time#and how much he was just in denial about it (and why)#I'm not really prepared to have that discussion in these tags but like#let's face it - lex figured out that clark had powers all the way back in 1x12#just because clark convinced him he was wrong at the time doesn't mean he just forgot that whole thing#and yet it seemed like the more seasons went on and the more obvious the truth became#especially the fact that clark was so heavily tied to all the alien weirdness of smallville#the more lex seemed to (subconsciously?) push back against accepting or recognizing that truth#I mean that's literally what he's doing in the 4x21 scene with jason#so it's like he both desperately wanted to know clark's secret but also didn't want to know at all#and that's just SO interesting#I mean jesus the 7x20 scene is supposed to be peak evil lex and yet he STILL has to be pushed into accepting the truth#and he does so with his eyes glistening because yeah he wanted to know clark's secret once upon a time but he never wanted THIS#(remember when lex told jonathan in s1 that he just wanted clark to have a happy normal life bc clark was such a good person?#and then he's told in 7x20 that to save the world he has to KILL clark and take that life away from him hahaha [crying] it's fine I'm FINE)#wow I really said 'I'm not prepared to have this discussion' and then just. proceeded to have it anyway huh. lmao oops
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I can't find it now but there's a post about suspension of disbelief and how it's broken when the story starts trying to excuse it. "character gets knocked unconscious for hours but there's no further issues from this" okay 👍 "and actually this makes perfect sense because of this and that" um no it doesn't why are you lying to me. like i am willing to ignore the holes and the discrepancies!! all you need to do is let me and not bring unnecessary attention to it!!!
and all that is my issue with the whole robin child soldier argument. like i am willing to ignore it i am willing to engage with the fantasy literally all you need to do is NOT try to convince me that Actually It's Fine Because They Want To Do It or whatever. like literally just shut up about it and i can engage with the fantasy!!
#my dc posting#dc#robin#batman#like. if you want to tell a story and not worry abt the child endangerement thing just DONT BRING IT UP ???#all you're doing when you bring it up is telling me this is something i'm allowed to think abt when it comes to the story#and then you tell me Um Actually It's Fine ?? no! what the fuck are you talking about!!#i am tryinggggg to just have fun n read fics your lil “isnt that child endangerement and kinda fucked up?” “no actually they wouldve done i#anyways bla bla bla batman couldnt have stopped them bla bla bla''#is COUNTERPRODUCTIVEEE#dick grayson#jason todd#tim drake#damian wayne#<- tagging the robins sorry#sorry this just. this topic annoys me so much#...also ''batman couldnt have stopped them/they wouldve done it with or without him'' are literally#just factually incorrect in jason's case. he did not in fact start on his own and the only thing batman wouldve#needed to do to stop him is literally just NOT make him robin BUT- at this point im just beating a dead horse on that topic#w how many times i bring it up lmao#like. in real life you cant just knock a person unconscious for hours with no consequences on them.#but i dont care when it happens in fiction despite being not realistic!! bc its fiction!!!#unless of course the characters out of nowhere do a lil sidequest PSA abt how actually doing that is fine#and completely safe with no risks#yknow??#like if that happened id be annoyed and like no its fucking not fine why are you trying to convince me. just move on and dont bring it up#and I wont bring it up#anyway. yeah these are just some thoughts im having rn sorry its not more coherent and put-together i cant be assed rn lmao
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I think DC should go back to having random characters having beef with each other for no real reason that was honestly so hilarious
I also volunteer that they have Tim Drake have an inexplicable one-sided beef with Jon Kent and I don't have a reason for this except that it'd be funny to me specifically
like let's get some bi4bi hostility up in here yk?
#maybe like#kon isn't bothered about having to share his name so just tim just decided to take it very personally on his behalf#he also does have a history of fighting children so it'd be fine#there is also the friends with damian reasoning but that's boring so#I'm not tagging jon i don't think i want to deal with the consequences of that#tim drake#anti jon kent#<- just to be very very safe#second's comic corner
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i'm so so sorry to the people that didn't get to see saltburn in theaters because imo it was truly the best way to watch it
feeding off of the energy of all the other people in a packed theater, it feels SO much more voyeuristic with strangers sitting right next to you in a dark room with all your senses heightened, the soft gasps, the shocked laughs, people mumbling "what the fuck" to their movie partner next to them under their breath, i cannot describe the high i got off of seeing it in theaters
the genuine goosebumps i had from the soundtrack in surround sound, from rosamund's gut-wrenching scream, it is just not the same at home
i feel like if you didn't see it in theaters, it's not fair to give it a terrible review because it is really a completely different experience
#saltburn#saltburn 2023#genuinely i don't think you can get the same thing out of it just from streaming it#and i don't know if i would be as madly and completely obsessed if i didn't see it in person#it is the greatest movie theater experience i've ever had#tomorrow is the official for real last day in theaters and i'm going to miss it so much#there's so many bad takes i'm seeing in the main tag that i think would be fixed if you saw it in theaters idk#but also i really don't want to debate with people how good i think it is if you disagree with me you can just block me it's fine
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This is the only thing I'm going to say about the election until it's over:
Anyone who did not vote for Harris or who attempted to dissuade people from voting for Harris, you are indirectly responsible for whatever shit Donald Trump does if he gets elected. That blood is primarily on his hands, yes. But it is also on yours. I hope you can live with that because I sure as hell wouldn't be able to.
#'but gaza' trump wants TO OBLITERATE THEM. HE LITERALLY WANTS THERE TO BE NOTHING LEFT OF GAZA AT ALL. WHY DO YOU THINK#I DON'T WANT HIM IN POWER?????#yeah I said I wouldn't election post I lied sorry.#I know most of you don't actually care what happens to american citizens because we're all Violent Hypocrites who should kill ourselves#and somehow every single civilian is responsible for the actions of a military and government that comparatively few of us are actually par#of but FUCKING HELL. You don't care about THE PEOPLE OF GAZA??? Because that's what you're telling me if you're in favor of#doing anything OTHER than the most likely path to get trump out of politics. which is voting for the candidate DIRECTLY OPPOSING HIM.#the thing about america being an empire that needs to die. is that before it dies. it is still affecting the rest of the world.#I can't make you care about me and my loved ones. but I am IMPLORING you to have some fucking compassion for all the people#who are going to be DEEPLY negatively affected elsewhere if trump gets into power.#THEIR HARM. THEIR DEATHS. ARE ON /YOU/ IF YOU DID ANYTHING TO FACILITATE TRUMP'S VICTORY IF THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS.#I don't believe most of you actually have any amount of the sympathy and compassion for others you claim to have.#I don't think any of the causes you throw yourself behind are actually meaningful to you. I don't think any of this is based on a#genuine desire to build a better world. I think you just want your Internet friends to think you are a Good Person.#if I see anyone. ANYONE. acting like a trump presidency is what we 'deserve'. or that it's necessary to 'teach [xyz] a lesson'#I am NEVER speaking to you again I don't care how long I've known you.#us politics#I am a disabled queer woman. almost everybody I love is also disabled and queer. you think we're acceptable collateral damage fine.#but don't cry that I'm being a bitch if I say that that makes me not trust you and not want to have anything to do with you.
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okay so i have, like. a lot of msa doodles that i just haven't posted anywhere,, mostly of aus i've barely talked about, if at all,,, and like. i've mostly been waiting on posting some of them until i writes lil smth 'bout 'em,, since i have a habit of sharing art for aus and then never doing anything with them again,,, but like. haven't been in the mood to write for a while 👍. so i might as well share 'em now instead of letting them rot,, dkdjsks. so here's a peek at what goes on inside my mind!
(the last doodle was colored by sap @/pinesented my good friend sap)
#my art#mystery skulls animated#msa arthur#arthur kingsmen#msa lewis#lewis pepper#msa vivi#vivi yukino#msa mystery#yes that first drawing is a cinderella au. no i'm not elaborating.#also that lone mystery doodle isn't for an au. i just wanted to draw him.#msa body swap au#<- like three of these are for this au#sorry for not posting anything 'bout it since the comic; i ran out of energy 😔#still need to plan things out further before i feel comfy writing smth for it#also that second drawing is the first thing i ever made for this au. not too happy with it personally; but i figured i'd still share it!#also not too happy with how i did the fifth one either; tbh#was trying smth experimental w/ the style(friend was playing pm ttyd and i got inspired);; but uhh. could have gone better;; dmdndkd#also i made him orange instead of ourple. woops#beyond that tho it's fine
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me, looking at the most toxic, awful, horrendously unhealthy fictional relationship in the world: why can't i have what they have? :(
#remind me of how easily you could kill me then say i won't die until you let me#you insult me and I'll insult you and we'll both know each other so unfathomably well that every word is a finely tuned blade#we'll kiss and you'll draw blood and I'll think of you every time i feel the bite mark#in every universe we find each other and we hate each other and we want each other more than we can say through words#tell the world i'm yours while i glower with reverent loathing#every conversation we have is poison#we twist and distort each other until there's nothing left but two shattered halves of a one way mirror#I'll hold you tightly like you're the only thing that matters#we'll slowly settle into a sort of rancid dependent domesticity#and set out to ruin each other until even those jagged shards turn to dust#(apologies reader of these tags#the “you” i'm referencing isn't referring to you personally#or you generally#i'm just cooking up more motivation to write sdhdjshdj)#(oh! also- please note the use of FICTIONAL#this is all just imagination loll)#why yes this is about#toxic old man yaoi#however did u guess#also just general#toxic yaoi#toxic yuri#but ykkkk#I watched one too many animatics#billford#hahahaaa who said thatttt not meeee hahaaaa#they ruined me#oh also-#pureshadow
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I was reminded that romantic relationships are real and I'm not doing well with that information.
#aromantic#aromanticism#arospec#personal/irl posting#It's really not fair that romantic relationships are just. More important and I hate it.#Like fuck my brother has a girlfriend and he joked about blowing his friends off if his girlfriend wanted to call him and like#Idk it's just kinda shitty to me that that's normal and fine.#I am going to die when I start consistently getting asked if I'm dating someone like fuck I hate that.#At least everyone in my extended family is also chill with close friends pretty much being part of the family so it's not the worst for me
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Even stardust shimmers, darling 🌟 (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Loop#ISaT spoilers#Mostly inspired by The Star of Your Dreams tbh <3 There'll be more after this as well haha#Will I ever give any Sif two eyebrows?#Not as long as they've got the one eye!#I also don't know why it just feels more correct to leave the expression ''blank'' I guess#Anyway Sif!Loop is a massive cutie and I'm fully drawn in by them looking Just Similar Just Different from him hehe#Sparkle-shaped scar! Yes absolutely#The robe is 100% Star of Your Dreams lol - I know they're obscured by their pose and it's dark but also sheer?? Their modesty??? Lol#Comfy PJs underneath - personally I saw the robe in my mind's eye as getting more sheer the closer to the extremities it got#So fully opaque over the body and very organza and see-through around the wrists and ankles and so on#Either's cute tho ♪#Differentiating Loop with a sleeveless is also excellent ah <3 Show off the arms! The sparkles!#Which can be taken as Fine and Not painful if you wanted :') I don't but it's fine it's fine lol#They're just sparkly! It doesn't mean anything else! ;;#They really are quite cute <3#Tired or smarmy there's no in-between lol#Their eyes really are fun to draw mismatched in more than just pupil :D
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I'm sorry I let down my guard.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#xue yang#xiao xingchen#God DAMN this scene was brutal. Season 2 episode 2 is almost nothing but misery and anguish#Helena by Nickle Creek does not quite fit the comic's vibe but it is absolutely a Xue Yang song so I linked it.#The change from “Helena don't walk away...(gentle)” to “HELENA. DON'T WALK AWAY (threat)” is fantastic.#And “Don't waste your pretty sympathy - I'll always be just fine”. Xue Yang core.#Okay now for the real meat. Disclaimer first: *I really like XY.* I think he's a great character. I think his actions consistently-#come from a place of deep trauma. While his reactions and actions put him in a villainous role he is still human about his hurt#and what I'm about to say is NOT intended to be a statement of causality or villianize a group of misunderstood people.#So with that said...Man oh man does Xue Yang have a lot of BPD traits. More that just 'character who is chronically manipulative'.#The impulsivity and emotional reactions and seeking stability makes him feel like he needs that control. What other choice is there?#The part that really gets me is how he *wants* to be safe and happy. But his past experiences tell him how thats impossible#He's the kind of person who goes 'if you don't like me then you better hate me for something substantial". All (pos) or All (neg)#''Love me entirely or Hate me. But don't you dare leave me or forget about me.''#Not at all comfortable saying 'BPD coded'. Im not a psychiatrist. Just that he has TRAITS. Feel free to disagree or add your thoughts.#ppl with bpd also are not a monolith and everyone has very different experiences. Xue yang is very complex. People more so.
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