#Also I have COVID so. Help me
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They are all so so silly to me
#I haven’t even watched chess yet#And I’m very early in war and peace#Also I have COVID so. Help me#josh groban#chess the musical#anatoly sergievsky#pierre bezukhov#war and peace#the great comet of 1812#My art#beauty and the beast#prince adam#sweeney todd#sweeney todd the demon barber of fleet street
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i'm sending this endless melody to a nameless you
#SKELETON ORCHESTRA AND LILIA I NEED YOU#project sekai#emunene#emu otori#nene kusanagi#pjsk#prsk#proseka#wxs cover wishlist copium.. 2!!#i have lots more of them i wanna draw but ill do st least one duet for each pair i think. maybe nnks next ive had one for them forever#Gyaaaa#Crying i have szks lunar new years art that idk how to render im missing the holiday. lord in heaven#Ik every leaker or whatever says this is going to mmj snd it probably will and i'll love the cover but still. emunene save me#wxs gets songs with nonsense lyrics its possible right Right right#i also wanted setsuna trip to go to emu in any duet but i looove the mnai cover so i won anways#Kind of too sleepy to do my usual. Sorry viewers who like reading theough my insane tags. Dont get covid it makes you sleep 13 hours a day#For the next month.#my friends saw me going nuts over this drawing actually and i gave up hard on nenes dress i just wanted to be done.. love how emus looks..#wait i actually can be insane in the tags THE WXS WORLDLINK SONG SJHDDYDJKYMY TGYAYDHUA!!! HAGSGYAAH!!!!! GY6;$;$;$;$;$ WHEHEHEHEHEH#WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH. Its so good please help. Wxs tetrad that illuminates the world save me.#why does the 2dmv have all of them under a WEDDING AROOOR WHY IS THERE A WEDDING BELL. CONGRATS ON POLYSHO MARRIAGE. HWATEVVRR!!!!!#wonderlands x showtime killing me taking damage augh Auughg akk akcghj
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In another world, the Mysterious Benedict Society lost and the Improvement went ahead as planned. Now, MASTER Ledroptha Curtain must face his toughest challenge yet: The Internet...
#basically the premise of this is that there were more truth lovers than anyone originally anticipated#and so instead of following his messages they spend most of their time clowning on curtain online#mostly because they can hear the hidden messages and have to listen to 'Ledroptha Curtain stops the hurtin' 25 times a day#also the kids and the adults are on the run and wanted for treason and are basically working to resist and overthrow him secretly#but their wanted posters are everywhere so they've become celebrities/memes#anyways everyone go read The Psychic File it's not quite as goofy but it's so so good#I spent an absurd amount of time on this. send help#this post came to me in a vision when I had covid#the mysterious benedict society#tmbs#mysterious benedict society#ledroptha curtain#mr. curtain#long post#also if anyone does not understand any of these memes I will be happy to explain it to you because I hate not getting the joke#and no one will tell you what it means
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Girls do you think it's cute when *erupts into a violent coughing fit*
#Hi everypony. I'm still sick :)#I've been coughing nonstop like all night 😭#I hate it here. Set me FREE#I've barely been able to function bc I've been taking cough medicine#And while it DOES help my symptoms it makes me SO woozy#I've been dissociating for like. 4 straight days now. LMAO#Also I don't have Covid shockingly?? I swear I thought I did#It's just a normal cold I guess *shrug emoji*#Anyway I still have to work (ew) but at the very least I'm not working 10-11 hour days like I did last week...while sick...aha <3#Just the normal 8 hours today...I can make it...I can ma#Shima speaks
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[sad sunglasses emoji]
#this is. about me. not about ocs for once akdkfkfkkgh. silly meme hashtag coping#anyway rest in peace granddad its been 4 years. your death was so chaotic and trying to see you for the last time during covid was a#complete nightmare. not to mention the funeral. but we got through it#i have your iron ring and a bunch of stories.#and you and grandma were kind of awful to mom but she misses you greatly and. yea#my grandfather was an interesting guy. he was an engineer prior to his brain injury which affected his ability to work#he helped design the simulations for the lunar landing project#and i think he liked that i went into engineering#4 years and i feel like everything has changed and yet also has all remained in the same place#such as the tidal waves go i suppose#death cw#the prophet speaks
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man
#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant#but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years#like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact#but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer#for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated#motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year#also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when#ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread#im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover#but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that#the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse#im so tired. im so tired#i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place#ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER#oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously#vent#my art#myart#doodles#covid 19
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...that's a long way down!
#horizon forbidden west#hfw#tallneck#hfw the stillsands#i felt so bad shooting this one with the ballista :(#even if it was for repair purposes#sorry no horizontober today - i never got hit with inspiration for the prompt AND i got a covid shot and felt like garbage yesterday#luckily not as bad as the first series knocked me out but still Not Fun#also i have no queue built up! but i still have thousands of pics in my folder! lol help#hfw tallneck#hfw machines
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I love how you're all (all 10 people who interacted with my Jimmy Mushrooms Last Drink lyric post) fuck with me about Will Wood. I mean I haven't had this much fun being in a musician's fandom since like... Four years ago when I was for a year or so listening to 5 seconds of summer and got really into the fandom.
Omg I just remembered this really cringe 2014-esque that surely came from Tumblr about 5sos that is like sexual stuff about the band members which is like "drummers do it harder, bassists do it deeper..." And some shit like that.
#I can't believe I was 13 four years ago#am I getting old#I'm so glad I'm not twelve anymore omg#worst year of my life#would've been even without covid#also I'm so glad I didn't listen to Will Wood when I was younger because I needed to lose my mind over shit like wether Louis Tomlinson's#baby is really his (and he is! I'm sorry for the emotional baggage I helped create#Freddie)#I would've been such an annoying fan of him at 12-15#genuinely#15 year old me would have tried to be so anti drugs#and like I'm still not fucking doing drugs but like whatever it seems like he used to enjoy it and then he realised#they ruin his quality of life and now he stopped. cool. great for him.#I'm getting so sidetracked here#it's a quarter to 2 in the morning#I don't have anything tomorrow since it's still Passover break but I still have that math assignment for the end of the break#btw I only listened today for the first time to In Case I Make It#yeah boo me all you want#go ahead#cicada days feels like Kelsier's thieving crew iykwim#like I feel like this would play in the adaptation when vin elend and spook leave the rest of the crew behind in The Well of Ascension#the whole album is just so... intimate#I feel like I'm sitting down for a cup of coffee with Will#I don't really understand anything he's saying#and the parts that I do highly concern me#but I'm sitting down to a cup of hot tea (I genuinely just forgot I don't like coffee)#ok goodnight#will wood#5 seconds of summer
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Tried my hand at painting Vezsrar because I am having a The Character Event in my mind. Masked & unmasked.
Here's a closeup. First time painting tentacles in a realistic style.
#dnd drow#dnd cleric#dnd oc#vezsrar vaugh#dnd art#hes my cleric of kelemvor for cos. my party member so that i as a dm can have some...#hmm. lets say way of helping my 3 players not die forever and ever#and also have fun with a little guy! i like making little guys!#made a custom quasillithid race for him too. hes my poor soggy little meow meow#i could fix him. btw. i could. i cooould. and he could fix me.#he wears his mask at all time.s covid safety king!#this isnt Realistic in terms of he looks so got damn smooth. his skin has been anime'd.#i mean huh. where he isnt. yknow. scarred and all.#myart#fantasy art#oc art
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one thing they don't tell you about academics being your only form of validation is that you'll end up having incredibly embarrasing conversations. in my first year halls i told my mate i did badly at a level... and then revealed i got two A*s and a B 💀
i more than passed. i got the highest classification i could in two of the subjects i studied and i still thought i was shit becuase i didnt get the third A while actively sick in bed for a year. I DIDN'T GO TO CLASSES FOR SIX MONTHS. I HAD TO TEACH MYSELF THE A LEVEL CONTENT WHEN ALL ONLINE SUPPORT HAD STOPPED 'POST' COVID. WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T DO GOOD ENOUGH???
and not only is that really ridiculous on it's own- that i was never congratulated by my parents or my teachers for doing well because i could have done better, and should have lived up to my potential- but i also made my friend feel like shit. becuase he was on the more academic course than me and had gotten way lower grades (that were still incredible!!! he got on his dream course!!! he was doing what he wanted where he wanted to do it!!!)!!! i was so delirious to the high of BIG GRADE i didn't even realise i was putting everyone around me down because i couldn't get straight 100s!!!
IT'S ALL FAKE. IT'S ALL NUMBERS. THE AVERAGE GRADE IS A C AND C'S GET DEGREES. WHY DRIVE YOURSELF CRAZY DOING ANYTHING MORE!!!
#rangnar rambles#'and how are you doing now you've exited full time education' ill let you know when i feel like a human being again#realistically i was also very focused on school bc i used it to escape what was happening to me at home. And because i liked learning#but if i could go back in time and tell myself to just get the bs. god i think i'd have been so much more alive#i tend to throw in the caveat that it was a covid year so i never took exams (bc i physically couldnt attend for months)#but actually. no. i got those grades through a lot of hard work#i do well in exams and also the a*s were in coursework subjects#i actually think i might have done *better* if id taken the biology exams bc my teachers gave up on trying to contact me and i didnt get to#finish some of the exemplar work they wanted (cus i was having palpitations so bad i couldnt sit up 👍)#like. wow. WOW. i was convinved i fucked up big time#probably didnt help that this was a private school i got a full ride to for the 2 years i was there#so i did have immense impostor syndrome with all those rich people who had been 1on1 tutored since they popped out the womb#but also i did. achieve that scholarship. i was consistently top of that history class#i didnt necessarily think i shouldnt have been there (bc i beat twenty people to get in and that place wouldve cost us 32k for the 2 years)#but i DID think everyone hated me because i was poor#they didnt. i was just strange and being abused and as a result not very easy to talk to#and i still am 🥰🫶 <- working on it#also the cliques in an all girls private school when theyve all been there since age 3/11 are NUTS. i was Not getting into one of those by#only talking to the other scholarship kids#idk im reminiscing on early uni again and finding a lot more grace for child me and their bewildering standards#i shouldve been in the club (eating legos). no WONDER everything fell apart
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[crawling out of the pits of hell]: happy birfday Gu.zma.... ouaauughh [collapses and disintegrates]
#this day is off to such an insanely bad start#i'm kind of losing my mind a little bit. it's like. REALLY bad.#found out brother likely had covid and so all these new symptoms i've been struggling with are probably from that#and who knows if they'll stick around!#he's been hydrogen bomb baby coughing open mouthed everywhere for the past two or three weeks#and then we have no hot water all day and no water in general for a few hours#tomorrow will likely be the same#parents are having a new furnace installed bc our old one bit the dust a couple weeks ago#we also will not have any heating At All for the next few days but that's not much different to how its been basically all winter#and the guys installing this thing might need to do construction in my craft corner area of the basement 🧍♂️#my sister came down and helped me move all the furniture. but now everything is even more of a mess than it has been since November.#head in my hands. yeah. awesome stuff.#vent //#dandy.cmd#also have a counseling appt today and she's been useless at best and actively harmful at worst the past little while#so i am ermmm wanting to skip the appt but then i will get into trouble (yes im an adult yes i can still get in trouble)#(if ur mentally ill and say or do the wrong things + have a history of being in psych ward already... well. u can land in there again.)#idk what to even tell her at this point like. if i say anything real then she is just dismissive or mean????#idk. okay. signing out of here bc crikey i am saying far too much this morning !!!#SORRY GUZ I WISH I COULD CELEBRATE UR MADE UP BDAY. UNFORTUNATELY.... GESTURES WILDLY. YEAH.
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anyone else violently afraid of dying in a mass preventable accident or is it just me. asking for a friend.
#emyrs.txt#i'm so maddddddddd. i wrangled this specific type of intrusive thought as a preteen!!!!! i had finally managed to convince myself#that i was fine with “if it happens it happens”!!!!! i had finally gone. ok well. nothing i can do about that! and moved on!!!!!#but then. covid vine boom. multiple acquaintances and family dying within months of each other vine boom. season 4 house md finale vine boo#the election vine boom. me being stressed as hell in general because of who i am as a person. etc etc.#was driving down the freeway the other day and so viscerally thought of a car accident happening that i almost started crying reflexively.#caitlin doughty uploaded a new video today and i watched it thinking. oh yeah i'll feel better! bc it's caitlin :) and then i almost had#a panic attack imagining something like that happening to one of my friends or family or me.#anyway i think i should get checked for ocd. for reasons unrelated to the intense stress/sheer panic i feel all the time & the rituals &#compulsions & the thoughts that loop over & over in my head. unrelated to all that.#also this specific fear is i think rooted mostly in pain. like. dying a slow nasty death. where being killed would be more humane.#and also obviously the preventability of it all. thinking specifically of caitlins' newest video specifically but also just. accidents#happen all the fucking time. being a casualty in something and then having my body not be identified for hours or days or months. or being#misidentified. like obviously i won't give a shit. bc i'll be dead. but who will help my parents through the whole thing. who will tell#my friends.#ok i'm freaking myself out even more. ask to tag. idk if any of this is triggering.#um. bye. i'm fine just. ?????????? you understand.
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#gonna ramble about irl here so people don't have to read it unless they want to#so because I got covid and couldn’t leave my bed I've essentially lost my job#I've told my manager I'm okay to go back to work#even if my body is still sore#but she's only given me a 3 hour shift a week#and you guessed it!#it's the late shift#the one where it takes me almost 2 hours to get home from#she's being so petty with me#and I am so behind in rent#I've applied for government assistance and I have a meeting with them tomorrow#I really hope they can help because I feel awful#I'm also annoyed at myself because I can't find my knee brace ANYWHERE#I thought I could find one for around $10 but nope!#the closest stores selling them are like $25+ so that's fun#I don't know when I'll be able to draw again#I'm so stressed again about money and secueing work#hopefully once I can get govt assistance at least I can enjoy life again#also I tried to ask the zine that still owes me money if they could finally send payment but they still keep delaying it with excuses#I'm so desperate it's shameful
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not sure where you are but at most USA colleges professors are required to excuse absences for funerals--and even if the prof hasn't let you take it yet, you should have received an incomplete instead of a 0 for the exam, and admin should be stepping in to ensure that the prof lets you take it. this is above your academic advisor, you should def email your academic dean. source: I'm a professor and if I did what your prof did I would be in deep shit with the university. hope it gets worked out!
Me on my way to the office on monday to present them with all the evidence at my disposal and show them the conversation between my professor and me where she literally just told me to make time or take it during the summer without even addressing the fact i was going to be unavailable due to a funeral: :3
#i’ll go insane on monday but at the very least i’ll have done something to get my money back.#and my grades back in order#its kind of insane how whenever i take online courses the professors are so… uncaring#like idk why#the only dude that cared was my math professor#he was so nice#at the end i failed his class only because of covid n’ more personal family issues preventing me from taking my exams#BUT HE AT THE VERY LEAST REPLIED AND TRIED TO FIND A WORK AROUND#anyways im going to show my dean all the papers on monday so help me god#also i AM in the USA. not gonna say where for obvious reasons but. yeah. everyone tells me the same thing#that the prof should’ve excused my absence
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Should I continue watching my nth re-watch of Bad Buddy OR should I pick up where I left off Pluto the Series OR should I finish watching Peaceful Property EP11 OR should I stew in my anxiety about the upcoming assembly elections in my state?
#this is so dumb but im done w the semester and i have finished alll my work for it#and im forcing myself to not immediately apply for jobs#and the US elections have already fucked me over#but these upcoming elections are also so so so important because of how fucked the current govt is#and how they basically took the seats without the votes#and messed up covid so bad ohmygod this guy was smuggling medicine across state lines away from his public!!#but also i deserve to relax#which show to watch#idk#im always thinking of the other shows i could watch while watching any show#so: help me choose!#peaceful property#bad buddy#pluto the series
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#I’m reading a book called Lost Connections about how depression and anxiety are social issues and not a chemical imbalance#And it struck me how 2016 for Taylor and the JA of it all where he was her social connection was important#But the secret is you have to create connections#Being out in the world is important to our emotional well being#And by out in the world I mean connected to people#I think of how Taylor called folklore a life raft for them during COVID and I think she was right#It was really about connection and community#I think that’s also why she’s drawn to Aaron’s little musical community he built: she needs those connections due to how her brain is#And it’s also why renegade is so heartbreaking#Like it just feels as if the emotional stuff became too much and he just couldn’t deal with it#Even though the connections would have helped#And I don’t mean career wise#I mean just being around people who want to be with you#Anyways the book is rather interesting to read because it goes with the idea that you can’t fix anyone with anti depressants.#They need meaningful connections amongst other things
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