#All-in-one washer dryer combo

[avonengineering]

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[assassinregrets]

LANDLORD RAISED MY RENT $100 I AM GOING TO FLUSH MY ENTIRE COUCH DOWN THE TOILET PIECE BY PIECE

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Adorable 1930 shotgun cottage in New Orleans, LA. 1bd, 1ba home Is $450K, and recently reduced by $19.9K.

The living room is cozy.

It's been opened up to make a living room/kitchen combo, and is pretty roomy for a small 1bd home.

The kitchen is beautiful. It's pretty big with room for a small table and 4 people at the counter. Love that they left the original fireplace.

It has lots of storage and beautiful quartz counters.

This is beautiful. I have a 1bd. apt., so I'd live here in a New York minute.

They have a round table for 2, but it looks like there's room for a small rectangular table that seats 4. They'll probably take that big cabinet, too, when they move.

Small hall between the kitchen and the bedroom.

Oh, this is beautiful. The bathroom has a fireplace. Wonderful that they worked it in. Love the stick wall, too.

Next is the bedroom. This is very nice.

Perfect, there's a place for the washer and dryer, and there's also a small office/closet in the back.

Very nice.

In the hall, there's a door to the yard.

It's small but so pretty. Love the brick patio and the container garden. Plus there's a tree, lights, and an adorable shed.

This is so cute. That's a she shed if ever I saw one. And, I like that it's all fenced in, b/c the neighbors are close.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/1432-Chartres-St-New-Orleans-LA-70116/84448788_zpid/

[striveattemptfail]

maybe it's a little too early (to know if this is gonna work) | Logan Howlett/Wade Wilson, 5.2k, M

@poolverine-week: Day 6 – Sharing Clothes

Summary: Five times Wade steals wears Logan's clothes, and one time Logan wears Wade's suit. Rated for allusions to sex, but nothing explicit. Takes place some time after the movie’s events; assume Logan and Wade are back-up X-Men. Read on Ao3

A/N: Thank you to B @broosepayne for helping out with random details + thank you to @fuckselfloveihatemyself for suggesting "impersonation" for the final scene. Shout out to the Manga Hoes server for listening to me bitch about finishing this fic lol. Un-beta'd and I apologize /o\ Title from You Look Good In My Shirt by Keith Urban—just be grateful I didn't give this fic the exact same name lmaooo

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[ Wardrobe Status: Nothing / Wearing Wade’s Clothes ]

The first morning he wakes up in Wade’s timeline—his new universe—Logan has on nothing but a t-shirt with the sleeves ripped off and a pair of highlighter pink Hello Kitty boxers. He desperately needs something to wear aside from what are basically undergarments because he came into this world with nothing but his X-Men suit.

Or what’s left of it anyway.

Which is why, once he finally gets up from the pull-out bed, he sees Wade trying on the jacket that the TVA gave him after they destroyed the Time Ripper. Wade is in front of the only full-size mirror in the apartment, twisting his body every which way to inspect the jacket.

Then, he catches Logan’s reflection in the mirror.

“Morning, peanut!” he greets, turning around to face him with a smile. “I’m trying this on to see how it fits on me.”

“Uh, yeah. I see that,” Logan says with brows furrowed. “Why?”

“I was thinking about grabbing you some clothes but need a reference for your size.”

“Bub, that jacket is too big even for me.”

“...okay, yeah,” Wade eventually concedes, “but it’s the only thing you own that isn’t shredded to pieces from the Time Ripper.”

Unfortunately, the moron has a point. As it is, the boxers Wade loaned him are a bit tight on his waist, and the collar of the shirt is snug on his neck, but it’s not like Logan’s in any position to complain.

“I have to swing by Target to grab supplies for Dogpool anyway,” Wade continues before making kissy faces at the dog in question. “We need to get you some treats, huh, little missy? Yeah! And then we’ll get honey badger some clothes that actually fit him!”

And, well, it’s not like Logan is keen on stepping outside of this apartment in the brightest colour he’s ever worn in his over 200-year existence. It’s also not like he even has the funds to buy himself a hotdog from the street vendor around the corner, much less purchase anything for a new wardrobe. So if Wade wants to go out and buy some clothes for him, Logan isn’t going to stop him.

He grunts his assent as he makes his way to the kitchen, muttering a gruff Fine as he starts on a cup of coffee.

Later, when Wade leaves for Target, Logan grabs the now tossed aside TVA jacket.

If he happens to take a sniff of it once Wade’s out the door (inhaling the scent of cloyingly sweet body wash, hot sauce, and something Logan is fast recognizing as Wade), it’s simply because he wants to know whether it already stinks after yesterday’s events.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

[ Wardrobe Status: One Load of Staples ]

Luckily for Logan, Peter and Dopinder volunteered to help Wade clothes shop when he went to Target. Apparently, Wade wanted to buy all sorts of brightly coloured cutesy shit—like much of his own clothing, allegedly so the two of them could match—but Peter and Dopinder manage to rein him in and grab a few staples. T-shirts, jeans, sweatpants, boxers, socks, and a pair of shoes that’ll fall apart in about a month if Logan has to guess.

It’s enough for him to survive on until he can buy more clothes, and enough to produce a load of laundry once the day arrives. Luckily, the apartment has a washer-dryer combo in the unit, so he finishes the single, meagre load of clothes he owns in no time. He’s bringing them to the bedroom to put away when he finds Wade already inside, standing there in nothing but the smallest pair of tighty-whities Logan’s ever seen on a man.

“What the fuck,” is all he can say.

“Hey, honey badger!” Wade greets, normal as ever, as if he’s not exposing miles of skin and taut muscle that Logan would love to—

He messily dumps his clothes onto the bed, scowling at Wade.

“Why the fuck are you naked?” he demands.

“Oh, please, I’m hiding all the goods,” Wade brushes him off. He turns back to the heap of clothes on the hamper, presumably to find something that doesn’t smell like wet dog or weeks old nastiness.

Shit. The damn briefs aren’t even large enough to completely cover Wade’s ass, and Logan can see a hint of cheeks peeking through.

“Fuckin’ hell.” Logan rolls his eyes, hoping that his frown hides the conflict inside him.

With a smirk that can only spell trouble, Wade faces him again to thumb at the waistband of his underwear. “Would you rather I take them off?”

Logan snarls, averting his gaze to the small mound of clothes he has to put away. He angrily starts folding things, breath coming out in huffs that he hopes convey annoyance.

“Jeez, who pissed in your coffee this morning, kitty cat?” Wade complains, letting go of the waistband. “It’s not like I’m rubbing one out in front of you.”

“Shut the fuck up, bub,” Logan spits, throwing down another folded shirt.

The problem—like most things—is because of Wade.

It’s hard enough to share any amount of space with him, much less sleep in the same bed together every night, and Logan’s only a man. He might be too proud to admit it out loud (especially to a blabber mouth like Wade), but god fucking damnit somehow the fucker’s gotten under his skin. He makes Logan crave for more than innocently spooning in the early hours of the morning, want more than stolen glances when he thinks Wade isn’t looking.

It doesn’t help that Wade flirts with him constantly. People used to chastise Logan for how aggressively he pursued Jean back in the day. Now, he knows it’s nothing compared to the constant boner Wade has towards anything that speaks to him.

Logan needs to stop this train of thought—thinking about Wade’s boner is only going encourage his own.

“So, why are you naked?” he asks, probably angrier than acceptable for a conversation like this but, fuck, does Wade bring out the asshole in him.

“Technically, I’m not—”

“Fine, almost naked, you annoying prick.”

He looks up to find Wade with narrowed eyes, shooting him a dubious look that can only say, Are you serious?

“Obviooouslyyy,” he drawls out, rifling through the hamper again, “I thought I had more clothes left.”

Logan looks at the mountain Wade’s digging through. “Wait, you’re completely out of clean clothes? How the fuck did that happen?”

“I don’t know!” Wade throws his hands up in exasperation. “Ask the author!”

“I have no idea what that means,” he admits. “Anyway, why are you only in underwear?”

“What? You want me to steal some of Blind Al’s shit?” Wade pauses then, clearly mulling it over. “Actually, now that I think about it, her tracksuits would look great on me. They’d fit like baby clothes on a high schooler but it could be like a Y2K revival. Juicy Couture à la Wade. I’d smell like mothballs and old lady all day but it’d be worth it, I think!” He ends the rambling with a toothy grin.

Logan doesn’t dignify that with a response. He scrubs a hand over his face with a sigh.

“Just... put on some damn clothes, bub.”

“Fine.”

Wade—probably in an attempt to piss him the fuck off, as usual—stares at him with a piercing gaze, maintaining eye contact with Logan as he grabs a white t-shirt from the folded pile and slides it on.

Logan just glares at him, jaw clenching tight.

The worst part is that he’s not even mad that Wade’s grabbing shit that he just folded. For some fucking reason, there’s a small but very loud part of Logan deeply satisfied to see Wade in his clothes again. He hasn’t worn anything of Logan’s since trying on the TVA jacket that first day home, but seeing him in one of Logan’s tees is apparently doing something for him.

Wade spins in place, and Logan notices that the hem of the t-shirt barely covers Wade’s crotch, skims the peak of Wade’s pert ass. Once he faces Logan again, he pinches the sides of the shirt like he’s holding a skirt, dipping into a small curtsy.

“Is that better, oh, prudent majesty?” he taunts.

Logan finally snaps.

Before he’s even conscious of it, he’s striding over to where Wade is still staring at him, his expression turning confused though still playful.

“Woah, big boy, I didn’t think you’d be that pissed—”

Logan grabs his face and cuts him off with a kiss, Wade making a surprised noise against his mouth before finally kissing back. Even though Logan is leading, Wade still gives as good as gets, his tongue darting into the cavern of Logan’s mouth when he gasps for air. He’s not sure how long they suck face for, but when Logan finally pulls away, a satisfied noise rumbles through his chest at Wade’s stunned but amused face.

“Finally got you to shut up,” Logan teases, words coming out shallow and thin.

“Oh, it’ll take a lot more than that, old man,” Wade quips back, and another purr builds in Logan’s chest when he hears the gravel in Wade’s voice. Wade throws his arms over Logan’s shoulders and crashes their lips together again.

Neither of their laundry gets finished for a long while after that, both of them too caught up in seeking pleasure from each other. Most of Logan’s freshly laundered clothes lie wrinkled on the bed for hours until he remembers to put them away. Wade doesn’t even start on his own laundry until Logan tells him that Althea would definitely kick his ass if he wore her stuff.

But he continues wearing Logan’s shirt until his own clothes are finally clean, so Logan can’t complain at all.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

[ Wardrobe Status: Half Complete + A New Suit ]

They’re suiting up for an X-Men mission when Wade snatches the Wolverine cowl before Logan can put it on. He’s still in the middle of zipping up when he spots Wade grabbing it out of the corner of his eye, and he doesn’t even need to turn around to know that the dipshit’s already wearing it.

“Give it back,” he says absentmindedly, buckling in the last straps of his suit.

He turns around and shoots Wade a flat look, correct in his assumption that Wade put it on. Typical Wade, he’s wearing his Deadpool mask underneath the Wolverine cowl.

“How do I look?” Wade asks, voice lilting with anticipation.

He looks like someone threw up primary colours on his head and decided to call it a mask.

“You look like someone threw up primary colours on your head and decided to call it a mask.”

Wade gasps, clearly offended. “Rude!”

Logan rolls his eyes. “Just hand me my fuckin’ cowl, bub.”

“Mmmmm, no.”

He never makes shit easy. Logan can only sigh.

“Wade, we gotta leave for the mission brief,” Logan reminds him. They’re about to leave on time for once, and that never happens. “Gimme my goddamn cowl.”

Wade ignores him, as he often does, sauntering over to Logan with a sway in his hips, and Logan quirks a brow at him. He knows what that walk means, and suddenly heading to the X-Mansion for a mission is becoming the last thing on his mind.

Wade drapes his arms over Logan’s shoulders, and Logan automatically places his hands on Wade’s hips. Even beneath both masks, Logan can tell that Wade is waggling his non-existent eyebrows at him once they’re pressed close together. “Wanna inspect the wind resistance on these blowjob handles yourself, peanut?”

Logan snorts. “No, because I don’t wanna see my own mask sucking my dick.”

“Aww,” Wade whines, and Logan can hear the pout in his voice even if he can’t see it, “you’re no fun!”

“‘Sides,” Logan murmurs in his ear, low and sultry, as he pulls Wade closer, “I like seeing your face when we’re together, bub.”

He moves a hand from Wade’s waist to slightly lift his Deadpool mask at the collar. He then ducks his face into the curve where Wade’s neck meets shoulder, mouthing at the now exposed skin there. He smirks when he feels the catch in Wade’s throat.

“I thought we had to leave for the mission brief?” Wade mocks, but it comes out breathy and very pleased by the turn of events.

Logan hums mischievously, nipping at Wade’s neck. “Don’t give a shit anymore.”

“Cool cool cool,” Wade babbles, body pressing against Logan’s, all hot and eager. “I just—oh, fuck, honey badger—I was just thinking—”

“If yer thinking, then I ain’t doin’ this right,” he grumbles, words starting to slur together because there’s something else he’d much rather be doing with his mouth. The hand he still has on Wade’s waist travels to his crotch. Wade bucks his hips into Logan’s open palm with a husky groan, already half-hard.

“You’re doing everything so, so right,” Wade gasps, hips rutting into his grip. “It’s just—ngh—you better be the one taking off this suit, because I did not spend five whole minutes and half a thing of baby powder squeezing my ass into it just to—oh, shit!—strip it off again.”

With a final lick to his pulse point, Logan pulls away just enough to look at Wade. He smirks at the way Wade is panting, puffs of breath hitting his face in needy bursts despite the fabric covering Wade’s mouth.

“I gotta take off your clothes?” he confirms. Wade nods jerkily. “S’not a problem with me.”

And he drops to his knees, unbuckling Wade’s utility belt to do just that.

They do eventually get to the X-Mansion—just 30 minutes late, and they completely miss the briefing. Colossus looks at both of them in disappointment when he relays the abridged version of the mission objectives while they fly to their destination on the X-Jet. Frankly, Logan only half listens to the giant, completely unapologetic in his lack of focus. Being distracted is well worth it as he mulls over the events of the past hour.

Because Logan discovers that, while he might not get off on seeing his own cowl blowing him, he doesn’t mind when he’s on his knees looking up to see it thrown back in pleasure.

At least as long as Wade’s the one wearing it.

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[ Wardrobe Status: Signature Items Acquired ]

The next time they leave together, it’s to meet Vanessa and Dermot for bowling. Logan’s ready before Wade is, waiting in the living room because apparently how long it takes Wade to decide on an outfit completely depends on how he’s feeling.

Thankfully, today isn’t too awful. He’d only worn the Deadpool mask in the morning because he, quote, “felt like skewered chicken intestines,” and nearly cancelled on bowling altogether. But after an orgasm from Logan and cuddling from Mary Puppins, his mood had turned around.

All of which means that Wade is now in a mad dash pulling an outfit together. Logan knows better than to try and help him or force him to hurry up, so he’s left on the couch quietly grumbling to Mary about how he thinks Wade looks good in basically everything he wears.

He’s proven absolutely right when Wade finally steps out of the bedroom. Logan barely registers the full outfit because he’s completely focused on one item.

“How do I look?” Wade asks with a sly grin, walking over to the mirror to inspect himself. He twirls in front of his reflection while smoothing down the leather of the jacket he’s wearing.

Logan’s jacket.

He’s unable to put words together with the way his brain is currently short-circuiting. He grunts in response anyway, knowing that Wade will keep talking even if he doesn’t reply verbally.

He’s proven right yet again because Wade continues without missing a beat. “You think I should switch styles? Give yours back and get my own? Jackets aren’t really my thing though... Oh! What if I got a cape instead? It’d help for ‘no capes’ AUs to actually shed a cape, huh? Has there ever been a DP with a cape? I don’t remember seeing one when we fought the Corps.”

He hums a contemplative sound as Logan stands up from the couch, making his way over to Wade.

“Maybe I need to test trial this,” he continues to ramble, “maybe I can borrow Cable’s shawl-cape thing!”

Even Logan is surprised when he immediately interrupts Wade’s babbling with a stern: “No.”

Wade’s eyes snap to his, confused by the sudden harshness and increased volume in his tone. He makes a questioning noise and shoots Logan a displeased look.

Remembering that Wade will only ramp up how annoying he is if Logan bosses him around, he shakes his head and tries again. “I mean, just—you can, uh, keep mine.”

He clears his throat, eyes darting away to take in how the jacket fits on Wade. It’s a little loose on him, a little too broad because Logan’s chest is a bit wider than his, but it sits well on his frame nonetheless. After awkwardly patting Wade on the shoulder, Logan’s hand slides to Wade’s bicep, then down to cuff where Logan thumbs at the leather there. His fingers bump Wade’s hand and he feels electrified by the touch.

When their eyes meet again, Logan’s relieved to find Wade’s face as red as his own cheeks feel. He’s not entirely sure who leans in first but their lips meet halfway. The kiss isn’t demanding or dirty, neither of them trying to turn it into something that would lead to sex for once. It’s different from when they usually make out, just soft and lingering, and Wade gasps when Logan’s tongue gently licks at the seam of his lips.

At some point, they wrap their arms around each other, because when they finally part for air Wade’s cupping Logan’s jaw and his hands are on the small of Wade’s back.

He eventually grumbles out, “Keep it, it suits you.”

“Oh.”

It takes a moment for Wade to shake the dazed look off his face, but he recovers by flashing Logan a knowing grin. Logan rolls his eyes fondly.

Of course, the little shit did it on purpose. He should’ve known the moment Wade stepped out with that giant smile.

Afterwards, when they finally meet with Vanessa and Dermot at the bowling alley, Vanessa’s smirk and raised eyebrow are well worth it because Wade keeps the jacket on.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

[ Wardrobe Status: Full Closet ]

Logan’s been gone for almost a month because of an extended X-Men mission. Between stakeouts, recon, strategizing, and actually nabbing the bad guy, it’s the longest he’s been away since Wade and Althea’s apartment became his home.

He walks in and unceremoniously dumps his duffle bag and the rest of shit by his shoes, throwing his keys on the sidetable by the door. Despite it being well into the afternoon, the apartment is surprisingly quiet. He figures Althea is out for “bingo” (likely a coke exchange) but Wade and Mary Puppins’ lack of noise makes him suspicious.

Until he hears the snoring.

He pads over to the pull-out bed to find Wade and Mary napping together. Wade’s curled around her, snoring with his face buried in her very sparse amount of fur, and Mary���s tongue sticks out as she huffs out quiet, little snuffles of her own.

But what catches Logan’s attention is Wade wearing one of his flannels.

It’s one of the thickest he owns, made for colder weather and blistery autumn breezes, a dusty yellow and blue with snap buttons. It’s large on him—like everything else Logan owns whenever Wade wears his clothes—but this particular flannel is loose on Logan, so the fabric almost drowns Wade in a pattern of faded checks.

And like every time the moron steals his crap to wear, Logan’s stomach flips in a way he can no longer ignore.

He’s not sure if they’re exclusive or not. They fall into bed together as easily as they fight side-by-side on missions. But it’s impossible for Logan to tell if Wade is serious about half the flirtations streaming out of his mouth when the idiot’s easy affection gets directed at anyone that looks at him twice.

And as much as he’s loathe to admit it, Logan wants so much more than that. He wants Wade’s lingering looks to mean something other than platonic nothings. He wants the softer kisses they share to be more than a break from sex. He wants Wade to need him the way Logan needs him. Hell, he wants Wade to annoy him in ways that Wade would never bother anyone else, because at least then Logan would know that he means something different to the motherfucker, something more than a roommate he hooks up with.

He wants just Wade, all of him, full stop.

He gingerly sits on the mattress, trying not to jostle the two napping Deadpools too much with his weight, and he reaches over to gently stroke Wade’s cheek with a thumb. Feeling emboldened when Wade doesn’t stir, he leans down to press his lips onto Wade’s forehead.

“Well, g’morning to y’too, honey badger,” Wade slurs at him, voice thick with sleep.

Logan abruptly jerks away, eyes wide, and the movement is enough to jostle Mary Puppins from her slumber. She hops off to nap in her own bed after a grumpy growl, leaving Wade alone on the mattress. He attempts to swallow the sudden lump in his throat before clearing it with a cough.

“S’four in the afternoon,” Logan mumbles. Pinching his lips into a flat line, he awkwardly sits next to Wade rustling around in the sheets. His eyes catch the flannel falling open to reveal that Wade is also wearing one of his tank tops.

Logan takes a deep, stuttering breath.

Eyes still closed, Wade blindly flaps his hand around until finding purchase on Logan’s shirt. He tugs Logan back down, and Logan curls over to kiss him softly.

“Welcome home, peanut,” Wade breathes onto his lips. “Missed you.”

He touches his nose to Wade’s. “Missed ya too, bub.”

Wade’s face splits into a slow, easy grin, pulling Logan into laying down. Logan follows him without a thought, gathering Wade into his arms.

“You’re wearin’ my clothes again,” he whispers.

Wade hums, nuzzling into his chest. “S’cold, and it smells like you.”

A pleased purr escapes Logan before he has a chance to stop it, and Wade giggles at him, kissing his collarbone before falling right back to sleep.

They don’t talk about what they are after that, but it’s at that moment when Logan finally realizes that maybe, somehow, Wade feels the same way about him too.

❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛❤️💛

[ Wardrobe Status: Wearing Wade’s Clothes (Again) ]

The TVA brings them in because they need help with some lady going after Deadpool variants. It would be a fruitless endeavour since Deadpools can’t die (well, except Nicepool) if it weren’t for the fact that the fucker apparently stole a weapon that disintegrates things to oblivion.

“Shouldn’t the law of physics stop that from happening?” Wade asks, gesturing at the screen when B-15 presents the mission to them. “‘Matter can’t be created or destroyed’ or something like that?”

“That’s energy, idiot,” Logan corrects him.

Wade just shrugs. “Hey, don’t blame me for failing physics twice!”

He turns to Wade with a confused grimace. “Who else would I blame then?”

“The teachers, duh!”

“Anyway,” B-15 interrupts, hitting a button to show another slide, “this variant’s got a fascination for destroying the indestructible, but she’s going after Deadpools because she has tritanopia, or blue-yellow colour blindness. She can see shades of red the easiest, hence, sticking with Deadpools as her target.”

“That’s so stupid,” Wade says and Logan can only agree. “There are, like, dozens immortal superheroes in red and she chooses li’l ole me? Seems like the writer copping out of coming up with a better plot, I-M-O.”

“We also believe Mary was double-crossed by the Deadpool in her timeline, giving further motive to go after his variants.”

“Hmph! Now isn’t that just convenient?” He crosses his arms. “Wait, ‘Mary’?”

“Yes.” B-15 shows another slide, this one a close-up of the woman—Mary’s—face. “She’s a Typhoid Mary variant. Have either of you encountered her before?”

“Not in my world,” Logan answers.

“I admittedly did not keep up with Netflix’s Daredevil long enough to meet Bloody Mary, no,” Wade says.

B-15 presents them with further details: Typhoid Mary’s known abilities and weaknesses; how she has dissociative identity disorder on top of her colour blindness; how she managed to acquire the worst weapon available from the arms dealers she was supposed to take down; how her alter apparently took over and decided to go after invincible mutants until she finally got even with her world’s Deadpool. The TVA did try to intervene, but she ended up killing every agent that went after her before stealing one of their TemPads and consequently going on her multiversal manhunt. B-15 makes it absolutely clear how imperative it is that they do not kill Mary or destroy the weapon so the TVA can keep them both under tabs.

Then, she reveals the TVA’s plan to capture her: They want Logan to pose as a Deadpool variant in the timeline they believe she’s going to strike next. Typhoid Mary’s current M.O. doesn’t account for superstrength so he should be able to break out of anything she traps him in. Meanwhile, Wade will be in the shadows, using a tranquillizer gun to incapacitate her once she’s busy with Logan.

Logan groans internally while Wade claps his hands in delight.

“Ooh!” he practically squeals, patting Logan on the shoulder with unrestrained excitement. “Finally, it’s my turn on the other side of this trope!”

B-15 shakes her head and sends them on their way.

The suit the TVA provides him fits perfectly, and he notes Wade’s heated, lingering gaze on him once he steps out of the dressing room. Luckily, another agent gets them through a portal before Wade starts on a tirade that would no doubt be filled with inappropriate innuendoes about Logan.

The mission is executed almost laughably easy. Typhoid Mary’s telekinetic and telepathic abilities are so low-level Logan’s shocked that the others she went after were able to be taken down so quickly.

(“Plot armour, peanut,” Wade said when Logan had asked B-15 about this. “She needed to last long enough to meet us!” As usual, Logan had chosen to ignore him.)

Like the TVA discovered, she lures Deadpools by spreading rumours he can’t ignore, adding a honeypot stash filled with weapons he loves. Geared up in Wade’s suit, Logan “falls” for her trap: entering an abandoned warehouse meant to shelter an upcoming gang targeting Deadpool, but secretly only houses her. Once Logan finds the crate of weapons meant to entice Wade, Typhoid Mary wastes no time in capturing him. She points a giant ray-gun of sorts at his face after wrapping him in the warehouse’s chains with her telekinesis.

He feels the faintest compulsion to stay still, which is probably her telepathy trying to subdue him. But she’s nowhere near the level of other telepaths Logan’s encountered, like Jean or Cassandra Nova, and the compulsion is easy to ignore. The chains are slightly harder to deal with in comparison, but he’s certain he can get out of them without too much trouble. Out of the corner of his eye, he catches Wade moving into place.

During Logan’s silent assessment of the situation, Typhoid Mary apparently began monologuing. He doesn’t let her get a chance to finish though, breaking out of the bonds around his torso with sheer force and grunting at the exertion. He slices the chains around his ankles with his claws, the metal cutting like butter against the adamantium.

“What?!” she screams. “A Wolverine-Deadpool variant? How?!”

Logan doesn’t even open his mouth for a reply because Wade shoots a tranq dart in her neck. She falls to the ground like a puppet with its strings cut.

“Wooh! No scope oneshot K/O, baby!” he hollers, skipping over to pick up the weapon Typhoid Mary dropped. “God, I’d love to take this home with us,” he bemoans as he assesses it, “I can finally stick it to Cable and show off my own badass, futuristic gun!”

“That won’t be necessary,” B-15 announces, suddenly next to them. A group of armed TVA agents begin to file in from the portal behind her, a few of them attempting to grab the weapon from Wade while others lift Typhoid Mary away for custody.

The aftermath of the mission would be just as easy if isn’t for Wade bitching about giving up the gun. After B-15 debriefs them, she and Logan spend entirely too long demanding that Wade hand it to her.

“I’ll give it back if we can keep this suit for pookie here,” Wade eventually offers, pointing at Logan.

“What?” Logan asks. The suit’s not bad but he has no reason to wear it again once he takes it off. “Why—?”

“Deal,” B-15 immediately agrees.

Wade begrudgingly relinquishes the gun, giving it a flying kiss goodbye before taking Logan’s hand. B-15 opens a portal to their apartment and guides them through. “Thanks for the help, gentlemen!” she says, waving a hand at them. They both wave back, and the portal closes.

Logan looks down at the Deadpool suit he’s still wearing. “Why the hell did you want—mmph!”

His lips are suddenly bombarded with hot kisses, and he growls when Wade opens his mouth his tongue. He didn’t even notice that Wade took off his mask.

“God, you look so fucking good in my colours,” Wade moans, hands roaming all over Logan’s body. “Is this how you feel whenever I wear your things?” Logan makes a noise of assent, too busy mouthing at Wade’s jaw to give a proper answer. “Fuck, that’s hot.”

Logan starts moving them towards the bed—Christ, he hopes Althea is gone because there’s no way he’s stopping what Wade’s started. His cock is already taking interest, and only gets harder when Logan bumps his hips into Wade’s. They tumble onto the pull-out in a feverish heat with Logan straddling Wade’s thighs.

He’s licking at Wade’s pulse when the dumbass gasps, “Oh my god, I’m gonna fuck a variant of myself.”

Used to Wade’s non-stop yammering even during sex, Logan mindlessly replies, “‘S still me, bub, I ain’t a variant of you.” Foolishly, he adds, “Besides, that’d be weird.”

“What? Why?”

With Wade groping his ass, Logan actually has to pause getting his hands under Wade’s suit to think about an answer.

He finally lands on: “It’d be like fucking your own clone.”

Wade actually stops everything he’s doing—hands no longer kneading his cheeks, mouth pulling away from him. Logan groans, knowing his brought this on himself, and dips his forehead to rest on Wade’s shoulder.

“What? You wouldn’t?”

“No, because that’s weird.”

“I’d fuck my clone.”

“Course you would.”

“T-B-H, I’m so pro-clone fucking I’d just have an orgy with all of them. Who’d be better to fuck me than me, right?”

This, by far, is one of—if not the—stupidest conversation Logan’s ever had with a person. Somehow, his dick doesn’t flag, and he’s still irrevocably fond of Wade’s random chatter. He kisses Wade before he can start on another tangent, cupping his perfect idiot’s face softly.

“Shut the fuck up,” he says, but knowing the smile he’s got on, Wade isn’t going to listen to him.

Wade’s answering smirk is a challenge. “Make me, peanut.”

——————————————

(More notes on Ao3.)

[olomaya]

Oops! All Updates (and Fixes)!

I've got a bunch of fixes and updates to some of my older mods and I decided to release them all in a batch. Please read below for the details to see what has been changed and then links to the files to redownload and replace in your game.

If this is your first time downloading, obviously you'll need to download everything and you should read the original post for more information.

As always, let me know if any issues and enjoy!

Voidcritters Mod

Fixed Read Card Stats animation

Added a new interaction to allow your sims to talk about and compare their cards. Sims will build relationship, gain skill and train their critters a little as well (the cards will vibrate as the critters train up)

Giving a rare or limited edition card to another Sim will yield a higher relationship boost.

Previously there was no way to get all 22 cards in the game as you only get one of the two Limited Edition cards. I've fixed that by adding the chance to also get Limited Edition cards by reading a Voidcritters comic book. There's a 25% chance if you have less than level 8 skill and 45% if 8 or higher.

Now that Sims can collect all cards, I've added a new skill opportunity. Sims that collect all the cards will get the Critter Collector reward and going forward their cards will be worth more.

Download MAIN file here and updated card file here

Student Council Mod

The Collect Signatures interaction now has a more appropriate animation of a sim collecting signatures

Increased the chances that more inactive council members will autonomously raise funds and collect signatures

The campaign tracker will no longer show blank information after you've closed out and restarted the game

All campaign icons will now show up in the notifications

Fixed an issue where the Sim would reset when submitting signatures for the Teacher Pay school campaign

Reduced the skilling level for council roles while at the afterschool activity

Download updated MAIN here

Hang Out Mod

Children and teens can now hang out in groups. Simply click on one of the two Sims hanging out and select “Hang Out with X and his/her friends” (you need to have LTR 30 or higher)

A child or a teen hanging out can also invite another friend to join them

I think you can have up to 8 Sims given that I have 7 in the photo and there's still room.

Added liking VFX and speech bubbles when hanging out

Download here (all ages version here)

Washer+Dryer Combo

I created a new mesh for the washer/dryer so it slots under the counter like dishwashers and trash compactors.

Added a stacked washer/dryer tower. This still uses the same script as the single appliance so you can’t run the washer and the dryer at the same time. 

Changed out the pod and detergent box meshes

Important: If you have the old version, you need to replace with this or remove it. You can't have both the old version and this one in your game or it will CTD. Also, the script is in the Combo file so you still need to download both if you only want the stacked tower version.

Download here (stacked version here)

Private Clinic (BASE)

The clinic controller will now push Sims that have certain traits as well, such as Neurotic, Commitment Issues, Insane, Hotheaded, etc.

Once pushed to the clinic, Sims will find a chair to sit in and then wait for an hour to be seen by a doctor. After an hour, they will stop waiting with an annoyed message (you can still see them though).

Waiting patients now identified with a custom headline effect

Prenatal vitamins no longer have a weight loss effect (as I'm putting a similar feature in the breastfeeding aspect of the obgym module, it's not needed here)

Updated the Buy and Sell Pills animations

Updated the comically large horsepill mesh to make it smaller and more realistic. The animation has been updated as well

Updated the write prescription animation

Updated the apply ointment animation

Download updated MAIN here

Private Clinic - Psychiatry

Updated the therapist session animations – therapist will now take more notes to jot down how crazy you are

Updated the patient records layout to avoid text overflow

Sims can now do their coping mechanisms (breathing exercises and mindfulness) while sitting

Important: You need to download the updated Private Clinic MAIN file above as well if you download this

Download updated MAIN here

Disclaimer: My CAS cc for this world was not loaded. I am not responsible for any of these Sims' outfit choices.

[seat-safety-switch]

You can put up with a recalcitrant machine for quite some time. For instance, my garage door opener hasn't gone past about 70% in the last couple decades. Adapting, learning to live with it, making compromises: it's what us human beings are good at doing. One day, though, a machine will push you just a little bit too far.

Even the simplest YouTube journey will show you hundreds of videos of people destroying unreliable appliances. Once, long ago, these were prize possessions. Trusted comrades in the fight against disorder. Slowly, as they began to age and things started feeling not-so-fresh, there was still tolerance, or at least acceptance. Getting a new one is expensive, and I can live without hot water in my dishwasher. Eventually – and no one can predict when this is – the appliance just pushed someone too far, and it was time for catharsis.

Unfortunately for all of human civilization, the indulgence of this base instinct is not done as well as it could be. Usually, these videos are low-cost, shakycam affairs, a simple drunken smash-and-giggle among bros (and she-bros, and they-bros.) What our historical record wants, nay, needs is a commitment to the total obliteration of a Maytag washer-and-dryer combo, and that's where CERN comes in.

You might be aware of CERN from all the crazy shit that the haters put in the news. They built that huge particle collider that put our world onto the wrong timeline, but they swear (of course) that it's not their fault. Regardless of whose fault it actually is (CERN's arch-nemesis, NASA?) they still do possess a particle accelerator capable of absolutely blowing the living fuck out of a partially working home appliance. And they have lots of really good slow-motion cameras to capture the moment that their victim is reduced to its constituent atoms.

Unfortunately for all of us, the damn particle accelerator broke. Yeah, I guess they only bodged it to work for the one demo, and can't figure out how to get it to be reliable. Right now, if they want to do an experiment, one of the interns has to stand inside the reaction chamber and touch two wires together, quote, "really fast" before getting the hell out of dodge. And for some reason they haven't been able to hire for that job. Maybe one day it'll be replaced by robots, which will give us a whole other host of problems to solve.

[noxturnals-void]

My Dearest Shadow

Jason Voorhees x GN! Reader

Pt. 1

(It might lean fem at times but I’m going to try my best to keep it neutral for everyone!)

I don’t know how many parts there will be so just hold on for the ride. ♥︎ ♥︎ ♥︎

Tw: stalking, anxiety, paranoia, jason shenanigans

2,311 words below the cut

You had renovated a little house your father had told you about, one you didn't even know existed two years ago. You spent lots of time fixing it up, lots of money, and tireless days doing the work by hand, and still, you weren't done. Thankfully, most of the difficult, labor-intensive parts were handled with the help of a few hired people.

Supposedly, the house lying on the outskirts of a small town in New Jersey had been abandoned for the past 20 years, belonging to some old couple before they moved into another state and left the place to rot when no one wanted to buy the house because of some superstition about the land. It went up on the market after they died and sold for 50,000. It was a concerningly low price that your house-flipping father had taken advantage of.

He hadn't even visited the property in the years he had owned it, let alone told you about it until you mentioned wanting to set up a little getaway spot on the east coast. He had told you the details, and you decided it was exactly what you needed—a new project to focus your energy on. But you were woefully unprepared for the beast of a job you'd just signed yourself up for.

A year and a half was much longer than you had intended to spend fixing this 1000-square-foot cabin cottage, but it was well worth it. It was a beautiful location, nestled right into a vast landscape of dense, private forest with a breathtaking lake view partially in the kitchen and living room windows- a 10-minute walk away. When the sun hit just right in the mornings, it was like a fairytale. A golden bath of warm, welcoming rays wakes you up better than any cup of coffee could ever.

You'd finally gotten in all of the furniture you wanted, having to space out the hauls between a few months at a time. The house was built for one or a singular couple. There was a small porch, redone with fresh wood and a chair set on the front for guilty pleasure moments outside in the late morning or early evenings. Walking into the cabin, you were put immediately into the living room- two chairs positioned apart and pointing toward a smaller flat-screen television tucked away in the corner of the room on a low shelf for your collection of films.

Even with just you living there, the two different chairs were comforting- one more rough, textured, and firm and the other plush and soft, letting you choose depending on what you'd rather sit on to binge a show or movie for the night. To the other side of the room was the entryway to the kitchen, an open-concept attempt at a cozy space. The bedroom was on the other side of the living room wall, housing your queen-sized mattress and more personal furniture and belongings. There was a short hallway leading to the utility closet with the newer models of washers and dryers, which you could get your hands on for less money, and your newly renovated bathroom.

Lots of the house seemed to have gone with age. Things like the kitchen and bathroom floors had to be pulled up and replaced, everything deep cleaned twice over for good measure, and lots of rounds with exterminators and pest control; the first few months paid off in the long run. Admittedly, you felt bad for killing the tiny creatures. They were just trying to find shelter in the large ecosystem at your doorstep.

You'd managed to get a shower and bathtub combo in the more narrow bathroom; glad to have both options when you felt like it. The house already had surprisingly high ceilings, and you didn't mind that the shower head was a bit out of reach because of its design. A little color coordination here and there and most of the cottage was done up in shades of deep, calming, and comforting greens and blues with lighter accenting greys to keep it not so claustrophobic.

Most of your focus went to the outside of the house now. Finished with most of the inside work, you could now turn your detail-oriented self to the withered outside. With some much-needed love and care, you hoped to fix the paint job into a lovely grey blue and pick up some new windows to replace the old and cracked ones you'd been having trouble with.

Really, it should have occurred to you sooner to repair them, but you'd gotten yourself too busy with too many things at once staring out, and you'd put it off for far too long. Last winter had been a nightmare because of those stupid cracked panes, and you were definitely not about to live through that mistake again.

You'd just gotten the garden sorted out. It was something you'd planned for since the beginning, but you had to put a lot of elbow grease into making it work. You had picked up the bulk of the materials last week, including the young plants and seeds you'd needed, along with the mulch and moist dirt.

Now, you were on your knees, elbow-deep in fresh, damp dirt, making shallow holes for the seeds. You sat back, breathing in and sighing out.

It was a lovely day today despite getting a later start than you wanted. The air was crisp and cool, about 60 degrees out today. It was supposed to get chilly the next few weeks and then warm back up before the end of fall. Then came all the rain and possible snow.

You weren't used to the weather of New Jersey yet, but honestly, it was a nice change from California. It didn't really get cold until January, and summers could get pretty hot, but it rained, and the rain was always welcome, in your opinion. It was nice to get snowy Christmases, too. It reminded you of northern Cali, so tree-populated and the air so intensely fresh, that you had to admit it was nice to get away from the city life for a while.

This little adventure had opened your eyes to many things you were missing- yourself included. You'd never spent so much time alone, at least not since childhood. You'd always had friends, roommates, and a busy college life or cityscape to keep you preoccupied. Out here, it was just you, the weekly check-in from your father, the homely woods, the picturesque lake, and... whoever had been living around here watching you.

You'd seen the shape of someone lingering around a few times. At first, you brushed it off. Working hard every day had its downsides, and you thought you were just way too tired to see it properly. It was probably just a deer or something, you convinced yourself.

But after the first month, you couldn't ignore it anymore—the feeling of eyes on you when you walked past some windows, the other presence as you walked through some of the nearby woods. It was always quiet, though, and truthfully, you'd never seen whoever it was close enough to convince yourself fully.

When you'd mentioned it to your father about six months into living here, he'd told you that you must have been paranoid. There was no way anyone lived that far away from the tight-knit town, which was 30 minutes away. The whole forest, including the old camp he had never mentioned before, had been abandoned for years.

You took it upon yourself the next day to walk to Camp Crystal Lake. It took a while, and again, you felt eyes scanning you, searching you for something, or maybe just dissecting you under its gaze. You tried to shake it off, but it didn't help to ignore it. You often scanned through the trees to find the owner of the eyes, but each time, you found nothing. You began to worry that maybe the isolation had been affecting you differently than you thought. Perhaps you had been paranoid over nothing. Maybe you'd been alone out here too long.

You didn't spend long at the neglected campsite. Honestly, it felt wrong to be trespassing in the first place, especially when you had no reason to be there besides foolish curiosity. Many of the cabins looked incredibly run down, the wood rotting and falling away and the forest taking over much of the paths and steps of the place. You had your fill of satisfied curiosity after just an hour of poking around, finding strange things you didn't expect. Notably, some belongings that were from probable teenagers who'd visited. It wasn't surprising to think kids would dare each other to spend the night since it looked so creepy in the first place.

You should've gone straight home, but you felt drawn to the lake. Admittedly, you hadn't visited as much as you wanted. You went down to the pier of the lake, walking out to the far end and taking in the clearer view of the lake against the beginnings of a sunset. It was beautiful, and you almost thought about watching the sun go down but decided against it when you realized you had no light to try to walk back to the house. That and the idea of walking through those woods with those unwavering eyes still on you the entire way made a chill go up your spine.

You got home soon after that, just before dark, yet even in your own house, it was hard to shake the feeling of being watched. Not just by windows anymore, all the time... The second you stepped outside, the eyes followed your every move. It made it hard to live normally until winter came. The feeling of being observed 24/7 stopped completely for the few weeks it got into the tens and twenties, which was an even more unsettling thought.

Maybe it had been a real person, and it was just too cold for them to linger and creep on you. You hadn't forgotten about the campsite or the eyes that stuck to you for a while afterward. But it still made it unsettling when the feeling started up again in early spring.

Part of you was weirded out that you never felt entirely alone, but as the weeks went on, it was almost more of a... comfort. Whatever it was- whoever it was had never harmed you, and the stare it gave off didn't feel dangerous. It almost felt curious, maybe protective? Something out there in the woods was watching you, yes, but it was also watching over you.

You'd had the odd few occasions of falling asleep in random places and waking up in entirely different places. It only happened twice, and you were careful that it wouldn't happen again. You’d been dreadfully tired that particular week, and the physical labor of building a deck by hand had taken its toll on you. You'd fallen asleep outside on the halfway constructed porch drinking tea the first time, trying to keep yourself awake long enough not to mess up your sleep schedule. It didn’t work. You later awoke in your living room, a thin blanket pulled over your legs.

It freaked you out at first—the idea that someone had moved you and been inside your house. But after a thorough, slightly panicked search through the cottage and realizing no one was around and nothing was touched besides, well, you—and your now cold cup of tea—you calmed down. You mulled over it for the rest of the week, not understanding why whoever it was had decided to take care of you like that.

The second time wasn't as much of an accident; you'd fallen asleep outside again a little more intentionally than before. You simply tested if it were to happen again. It did. You woke up again on the chair with a blanket, the same as before, but this time, you were noticeably less clean than when you’d fallen asleep.

Whoever it was left fingerprints of dirt on your waist and thighs where they had picked you up and carried you. Most of your clothing on one side was significantly grime-coated, and that was enough to make you decide not to try it again.

You wiped your brow with the back of your arm and finished up planting all of the seeds you wanted. You were saving some to plant next spring in case these didn't make it through the winter, just to be safe. You got to your feet, wiping your hands down your dirt-covered jeans and huffed, stretching out your sore back. As you did, a twig snapped, and you froze in place, wondering whether or not to turn around toward the tree line behind you.

In normal circumstances, you would have checked immediately, figuring it might have been an animal. But you felt those eyes on you, those same eyes that had followed your every move for the last year and a half. Your paranoia got the better of you now, and the idea of seeing whoever had been watching you this entire time made your stomach turn to mush.

Your eagerness got the better of you, and you turned around despite the loud thumping in your chest. There was nothing at first as you searched through the closest trees. A figure quickly moved to the side at the edge of your vision- a very large figure. You gulped, scanning the tree line and focusing on a thick tree trunk hiding the person well. Whoever they were, they were most definitely right there, and to your knowledge, this was the closest encounter you'd had with them while awake.

You tried to think of something to say, pondering if you should have said anything at all in this tense moment.

What were you supposed to do…?

[lordressdragoonbear]

Kaylee's Dream House - 6br, 4ba 🎀

Oh gosh, I'm freakin' late...

Hi, so I finished this house days ago and completely forgot about it... I was so caught up in fixing my game that I forgot to post this house so... here you go.

This house is built for my sim Kaylee and it's basically her version of Barbie's dream house and you can tell.

I use some CC, specifically @olomaya's Washer+Dryer Combo, I'll have it linked like usually.

Anyhoo.

You can change whatever you want about the house, I personally don’t care.

Enjoy! (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

I use all the expansion.

This Here Package contains: 1 Updated A House.

Thanks to all the CC creators whose CC I used, ya’ll are grand and I love your work!

Link: SFS / Google

Video Link: 

1: https://youtu.be/nE9d1S5083w?feature=shared

2: https://youtu.be/qBkENA95NJo?feature=shared

CC Links: 

1: https://modthesims.info/d/527775/separated-shutters-shiftable-left-amp-right-pieces.html

2: https://www.thesimsresource.com/downloads/details/category/sims3-sets-objects-garden/title/hawthorne-patio-set/id/1139943/

3: https://aroundthesims3.com/objects/room_downtown_06.shtml

4: https://modthesims.info/d/436276/simple-shower-tub.html

5: https://modthesims.info/d/439754/animated-modern-ceiling-fan.html

6: https://www.thesimsresource.com/artists/Mutske/downloads/details/category/sims3-objects-furnishing-decor-miscellaneous/title/macau-plate/id/1230977/

A lot of stuff comes for this tumblr.

7: https://grandelama.tumblr.com/

8: https://modthesims.info/d/428179/one-more-slot-please-with-vertical-shifting-update-2-nov-2011.html

No bonus but here's a picture of Kaylee standing on a motorcycle on her way to deliver her baby!

[fappellmoan]

not to sit here and weave a story out of nothing like a little protagonist via my quirky online storytelling but i rekindled my friendship with sam who is such an interesting person there are just a lot of stories of all sorts and this is funny timing but truly we just fell into such an easy banter this past class so we were like omg lets hang right so. his roommate really is just like stupid hot right. i could get corny with it but i wont. a face sculpted by the hands of god though. all this prefaced i will now tell u an absolutely nothing story and i really mean that read at your own discretion ((A/N: trust and believe i yapped. putting under keep reading to be somewhat forgivable) (i am not in my best of states rn. okay.)

anyway so we're chillin in sams room im getting caught up on the latest construction projects and shit.. one thing abt sam hes always up to something. they've got an entire work desk #butchrealness. then i hear some singing out in the hallway but from where im sitting cant actually see anyone so convo just goes sam and roommate 'hey' 'hey' and then i peeked my little head out and waved and said hey and they stopped and set down their basket and said 'Hey' and then i did not introduce myself (flop) (combo of cramped room and sam talking and me being wildly awkward) (also keep in mind i dont know if this person has swiped left on me or not been on tinder or if theyd even recognize me anyway and hating that that's even a situation bc i hate that stupid app but just hoping worst case scenario i dont come off as an insane stalker but rather a victim of circumstance) but they just chatted for a sec abt whatever shelf sam needs to fix and that was that. and then they went back to humming which was cute or whatever

to set the next scene we're down in the kitchen and sams cooking and this is a while after we took his homemade gummies so im not rlly high per se but chillin and something about the noise and setup in their kitchen is so overstimulating for me lol when shes cooking im just like frozen. i always offer to help but he always just gets in a groove it's best i dont intervene. one time he had to tell me to go sit down in the other room bc i was freakin out a little lol

so im perched on this single high chair they have in the kitchen right next to their washer and dryer as sams whipping up some food and im kind of obnoxiously saying Unfortch in response to a story he was telling me and he gives me a look so im like UnfortunateLy. and then hes like 'psh i know unfortch i live with this guy' cue roommate strollin in with laundry and theyre just like Whaat and sam explains and theyre like Oh ofc you gotta know unfortch or whatever. forgot to mention that earlier in sams room they said three similar abbreviated words in a row just during a normal sentence and it caught me so off guard i wanted to giggle. so naturally my brain is going through Immediate social response of a semi awk laugh or quippy remark about that but also theyre literally like a foot away from me and im largely nonverbal atm lmfaoo so i just mumble smth to try and go along w the bit but then trailed off cause i was like wtf am i even saying. brain was overloaded

and then i was like um. i literally was just staring around doing fuck all like a perched bird or something but i was fighting a war in my mind of like ok do i introduce myself or look to sam to do so or do we not do that or is that rude idk but also they have headphones on one ear and are doing all their laundry shit and i once again dont want to be like overbearing but also well come on now we gotta feel out the vibe (and i do a great job here.) idk so im like Ok dont just look at them but dont Not look at them just behave like a normal person. you know. the usual. sam comes over to give me a bit of bread with balsamic vinegar and oil and i spilled it on my sweater fuck this stupid baka life (didnt really show. but still they were right there..)

and so after a min of this they were kinda like awkward laugh 'dont mind me' and i once again was very self conscious and had several things that wanted to come out 'not at all' 'dont mind me' 'it's your house' 'these all sound awful abby' then i got anxious that i was in the way the whole time but they were almost done and if i got into a weird apology thing well i would have had to kill myself so i just once again kind of uttered something that would have sounded like 'youresogoodicanmovetoo' and also 'sorry if i just keep like looking over at you' WTF IS THAT SHIT. FUMBLE BOOOOO and my follow up was essentially nothing cause i couldnt decide if i should say 'im just a bit out of it/high' 'im easily distracted (kys)' 'idk what to do w myself haha' 'im useless in the kitchen' (not entirely true) i mean just a few minutes before sam and i had talked about how ill just wander around peoples rooms and observe things to avoid feeling awkward and it's just how i am and so i was kinda just doing that due to the nerves of the sitch but there was only so much to look at. and i just sat there. offputting realness. whatever. so. straight face emoji. and that was mostly the extent of that i dont remember what they said in response just like a lil laugh or w/e. probably couldnt hear my stupid ass mumbling. so im thinking my chances of charming them at all are really stellar

if you read all this i want you to just take note that the events depicted here could not have been more than 3-4 minutes collectively. and yet the yap goes on..

for future reference, what did we learn? probably best to just continue convo with sam, excuse urself to br, or perhaps even attempt a conversation w them if ever in a similar situation again and they talk to you first again. also stop inventing complicated situations in ur head chill the hell out. idiot. says the bitch with the anxiety disorder. feel free to egg me on or tell me to fuck off ok xoxoxoxxo love u

[burningdarkfire]

well.

i've been getting some bug bites the past couple of days and while washing my sheets today am 99% sure i found a bed bug so. i guess that's happening to me now.

called the landlord pretty much immediately and then spent the entire evening nuking my bed and linens with the dryer and the steamer, which hasn't actually made me feel any better about going to sleep. it's 3am here and i'm just avoiding going to bed at this point since i don't think there's much else i can actually do tonight. in theory the landlord will have a professional pest control company come through ... soon? one hopes?

i've cancelled half my plans for the weekend and just plan to shower before/wear clothes fresh out of the dryer for the other half. hopefully that's enough.

i think i might have brought them back from miami, i was suspicious of a cluster of bites i got on my shoulder while we were there (could've been mosquito bites, but it was exactly the sort of cluster people describe for bed bugs, which hilariously i don't actually have right now, all of my bites are individual or max in pairs) but my friend helped me strip the bed in the hotel and we really didn't find any other signs. i was still careful coming back though (threw all clothes into the washer/dryer immediately, i even washed and dried the bag i took with me which i definitely don't always do) but i mean, there's no point in overthinking the "blame" since we'll never actually know.

i guess i'm lucky that at least we have in-unit washer/dryer combo so it's convenient to do all of this laundry. it's good that i'm the perfect amount of reactive to the bites in that i react but i don't seem to be allergic (i was allergic to some bugs bites as a kid and it sucked, but those days seem to be behind me now - knocking on wood!) so i'm hopeful we caught it early. we also didn't find any other signs while cleaning tonight, and we checked the mattress and bedframes and everything. tbh if a dead body didn't literally drop in front of me i think we'd still be wondering if it was really bed bugs at all. but at least we should be getting professional treatment covered by the landlord.

we actually had a cockroach problem in this apartment a few years ago that was successfully eradicated after .. i think 3 treatments from the pest control company? so i mean. it would be amazing if this went better than that lol but at least they did do something. at least i don't have cockroaches and bed bugs right now (knocking on wood so fucking hard).

i'm generally a good sleeper so i'm hoping that will carry me through. i just need to get ready for bed, lie down, and go to sleep. i keep telling myself that the worst thing to happen with bed bugs is just that you get bug bites, which sucks but really isn't the end of the world. they're a pretty simple problem compared to other pests.

my roommate hasn't had any bites and she was very good about putting up a strong front for me today while i've cried like five separate times already. but like what even am i going to do about it anymore right now. i should just go to sleep!!

if you've read this far ... thanks! i'm sorry if it's gross! i don't know how to deal with this but i would really like someone to hold my hand and reassure me that the world is not currently ending even if it feels like it 😭

[slickshoesareyoucrazy]

A Shitty Poem

No one slept.

Not even a few minutes.

No you can't check in early.

In fact there's not even a place to sit down. Go on out into a city you don't know with jet lag after being up for 30 straight hours.

That corner smells like urine.

I've been in this same city back home.

Just because you can charge that much for a shitty breakfast for desperate, sleep-deprived people doesn't mean you should.

At the next stop, he was mad at me for not operating the washer-dryer combo model correctly without any instructions. He was mostly angry because I didn't pack for everyone this trip so he was going to run out of underwear and he'd have to carry damp laundry on the plane to the next next stop.

Oh good. Another airplane. Smaller than the last two.

I'm usually walking at the back. Sometimes the boy looks back for me, but the man never does. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even here. I'm invisible. Maybe they wish I was.

When we got to the place we were staying the longest, I cried. Neither of them noticed. I guess to be fair I wasn't loud and immediately in their faces. But I'm fucking tired of needing to be loud and in people's faces for them to notice that I'm not invisible.

If you can't cry when you need to, you're not free.

If you cry and no one notices or cares, it hurts pretty badly.

On day 2 it rained and they were so far ahead of me that when I fell down, not only did they not catch me, they didn't notice, they didn't help me up. I learned without doubt then that despite outward appearances to other people and a lot of self delusion, I'm still alone.

There's broken glass literally everywhere in this city. Not a stray piece here and there; big piles of it all over. Multiple broken bottles on the stairs of one of the most famous churches in the world.

I've been to a lot of big cities in 5 (arguably 8) countries now, and this is the only place I've seen violence and loud anger directed at strangers. They might be known for art and fashion and food but I guess no one ever said they were kind. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised. I am though. That one guy just threw a couple of stangers' bikes out into the street and no one stopped him or even said anything about it.

I'm having pain in the center of my chest. It's not cardiac. I know this. So he says it's nothing to worry about. I think he's worried but we're still 3 days from home and most of the frustration he shows seems like it's at me for complaining about anything at all.

We got to the train station 4 hours before the departure. There's no security to go through. When we finally got to board the train, my seat didn't exist. Hilarious.

Not even a hint at a subtle metaphor for me not mattering, maybe not even existing.

If I'm not real then you're not real. Strawberry fields. Nothing is real.

I can't wait to be home. At least my dog thinks I'm real. I think. Maybe he forgot me because we've been gone so long. Maybe I wouldn't even blame him.

I'm so excited for you!!!! all of them said before I left. I never felt the excitement. I still don't feel it. Traveling isn't for me clearly.

The three of us are sitting here on our individual phones ignoring each other on this wretched train that sold us a non-existent seat and then had the audacity to check our tickets again after we were 30 minutes into the journey.

Fuck them. Fuck all of this. I just want to be home where at least my fucking phone works all the time even if I'm still alone and invisible.

[nervouscloudtheorist]

April 11th 2024

Dear Diary,

I must be really good at gardening now because when I woke up this morning and looked at my rose garden and saw that I now have pink roses!! I wonder if there will be other colors. I must try to get them all.

Also a new person moved into to town. I haven't met them yet since I am reading up on gardening but Isabelle mentioned that their name is Kitt. I wonder what kind of person they are. I will make sure that I meet them tomorrow. Maybe I will show them my rose garden!

I think Clay may have lied to me also because I have not been able to find a single Gyroid. Either they are harder to find than fossils or they do not exist. I don't want to think Clay would lie to me but I worry since he seems to still struggle with my name. Everyone else seems to have grasped it. I don't even think my name is that complicated. It's only like 4 letters. F-I-N-N finn. I'm starting to wonder, is Clay really even my friend? I shouldn't think like that though, after all I was the one who moved into his town. I'm the stranger here really. Isabelle says that I should just give him presents to try to help him remember. but I feel like I shouldn't have to do that.

I'm getting distracted.

Anyways I did my daily shopping and bought a new washer/dryer combo and a classic couch from Tommy! It was shortly after buying them though, I realized that my house was much too small for those things and I had to put them up for sale at Re-Tail. I don't think I mentioned it but Reese allows me to go and sell items in her store as well. Like she won't just buy them from me but instead the townspeople can buy it from her on my behalf and she will just give me the money. This works really well for me cause then I don't have to keep an eye on them myself.

Sable's Clothing didn't really have anything for sale. I am really worried I'm going to be stuck wearing Khakis for a while and while they are good for my Mayoral look, they are not flattering on me at all. The fact that I am wearing a parka and a bunny hood with it does not help either. If only we had like a more fashionable shop where I could get the latest fashions. But that's going to be a long shot to get in this town since it seems like it's been neglected for a while.

I also decided tonight that I was going to take Tortimer up on his offer and go to the Island. I inivted Isabelle to go with me since I really didn't want to go alone but she said she had too many things to catch up on and a lot of paperwork to do. I don't know if that's really the truth because I don't personally have anything to do in this town but maybe that's because she does all the behind the scenes work? I dunno. Regardless I was going to Tortimer's island alone. I went to the dock where Tortimer told me that a boat would be starting today and there was a boat and a Kappa.

I had never seen a Kappa in real life so to say I was shocked would be an understatement. He told me that his name was Kapp'n and that he would take me to the island for a round-trip fee of 1,000 bells. I wish Tortimer would have told me this when he was telling me about the island because that is a steep price to play when I don't have a reliable income.

I paid the fee, mostly because I wanted to see the big deal about the island, and got on the boat. Kapp'n sung the entire time and between us, he's really bad at it. His songs were good but his voice just was not appealing to me. I guess it is good that he is enjoying himself though so I kept my thoughts to myself and just let him sing his heart out.

It was really really warm on the island. Tortimer was not lying when he said that it was a tropical island. They also had mangoes and coconuts all over! I wanted to take some home but got worried because I could really only carry so much in my hands. There was a nice lady there who I could only assume was Kapp'n's wife. She was really sweet and let me know that there was a box I could put all my things from the Island in and that Kapp'n would make sure that they got shipped to the town. I think the entire resort is run by Kapp'n's family which is really sweet. I wish that I was still around my family...

I also learned that this place doesn't take bells either and that I have to earn medals from doing island tours before they will sell me anything. Between the medals and meow coupons I feel like the 3 places should just have the universal bell currency but I suppose to each their own.

Anyways I spent a long time on the island fishing and catching exotic bugs. Probably too much time honestly, because I am too tired to continue on so I will call this a night.

Goodnight!

-Finn

[roosterforme]

So, imma leave this here. I’m doing some research if Navy also has Bachelor Officers Quarters. Turns out that they do. But mostly overseas.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P5GPni930Fo

These are probably the biggest BOQ I have seen so far, especially with that size kitchen and an in unit washer dryer combo. That’s not common stateside, and especially not common for BEQ (Bachelor Enlisted Quarters). These particular ones are in Japan. Generally, BOQ tend to be nicer than BEQ too.

Stateside BOQ is not a common thing. Single officers get basic housing allowance and generally live off base. Few places have on base officer housing and usually, those are reserved for officers with dependents (family).

It’s different for enlisted personnel. Single E4 (sometimes up to E5) and below are required to live in BEQ or barracks, unless they’re single parents which would shift their status to with dependents and they qualify for on base housing. Single, senior enlisted also get basic housing allowance. But it’s on average $1k below what single officers get. The allowance is also rank and state/region dependent. An O3/LT w/o dependents in the Navy gets about $3,500 in Hawaii but about $4,150 in SD Ca. An E5/PO2 w/o dependents gets about 1k less.

Off base housing expenses that exceed the allowance are paid out of pocket through the regular income. Off base housing expenses do indeed often exceed the allowance because things like water, electricity (on an averaged community usage), trash pick up, and maintenance are usually included on base.

The waiting list for housing for either, officers or enlisted, is LONG. Some stay in hotels for like months. And finding a place off base can also be lengthy because usually military personnel will have a contract that releases them of a lease without penalty if they suddenly have to PCS.

Also, for long deployments (not training or TDY), single personnel living in BOQ/BEQ usually have to clear their quarters and store their stuff. But that can differ from station to station.

All this got so technical. This info is from my own life experience and what I’ve researched.

And I just thought, maybe I share it, so people can have some inspo or a little reference for writing.

In the end, it’s FF and we, as writers, can make things up as we go.

Damn, Vonny. This was very thorough! Thank you for all of the information!

[hometoursandotherstuff]

Anyone for a trailer with an attached indoor pool? 1986 model, 4bds, 2ba, in Bunker Hill, WV, $165K.

The deck has a nice bench, but it hasn't been taken care of properly.

I imagine that this is the living room/kitchen combo and there is a door to the pool here. The kitchen is dated and the cabinetry looks mismatched.

Now, this hall leads to what I think is the primary bedroom.

It has a door to the back yard.

And, it also has sliders to the pool.

Washer/dryer hook-up outside the bedrooms.

One of the other bedrooms. Well, I must say the the floors are new wood-look flooring, and the walls are good and clean. Windows look good.

Half bath.

Bds. 3 & 4.

This bath looks new.

I would say that the pool room needs work. I see a hot tub leaning against the back wall.

The pool is full of green algae, so it needs a new liner, and it looks like the walls on the left need to be finished. Then, it would probably be nice, all decorated.

Outside entrance to the pool.

Little shed in the back.

Looks like a nice lot, but they don't give the dimensions.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/228-Revolution-Dr-Bunker-Hill-WV-25413/22338533_zpid/?

[umflowers]

like to be clear with jack's promotion i should be able to start attending therapy, seeing a food counselor who specializes in eating disorders, eat healthy but with a wide variety which will help with my ed/food fixation issues, replace my compression stockings every three months like i'm supposed to (and donate the previous pair, which would still be way better than nothing for someone else), in time pay off my medical debt and also if we buy a new house we intend, with time, to get a robot vacuum, dishwasher, front-loading combo washer/dryer, rolling laundry basket, higher countertops, and other things that will help me be able to contribute by houskeeping without destroying my body, and also eventually one of those fancy beds where you can control the firmness and even put your head or knees up or down like i cannot actually stress how much having more income is going to improve my quality of life regarding my health, quite aside from all the good things it means for him and how i'm even more proud of him than usual

[oldguy56-world]

The Lazy Song

Do not confuse this with last year's 'Down by the Lazy River'. While they might share a general theme (just how lazy people are) the first one was about marijuana delivery to your home. This one is about capitalism, or how I can make money off of just how lazy people have become.

This one started with a TV commercial. Did you know that people living in homes and have their own washer/dryer combos, are now using an app to call in a service for people to do your laundry for you? I kid you not. I recognize doing laundry is a complicated process with the whole separating of the whites from the colors (not as racist as it sounds in my head) and then having to put the washed clothes into a dryer. It must be a real brain buster for some people.

This got me thinking: 'What .com business can I start up to make some money on the younger generation's aversion to doing anything in the way of manual labor around the house?'

There is already fast food delivery (don't get me started again on that one) groceries (which is good for the elderly and disabled) booze and weed so there doesn't seem to be much else out there to make a buck off of. Or is there? I have a few ideas that I recently had copy rights secured on just in case one of you jumps the gun and tries to get to market before I do. My brain still works but sometimes my body doesn't cooperate so much anymore.

'Squabbles' . Put this app on your phone and then the next time your spouse is in a feisty mood and wants to argue with you press a button and within minutes a person shows up to fight with her. (oops, or him) You can then get back to watching TV while they hash it out for hours in the next room. Next level will be that you both have the app, you are both in a mood, and you bring in two people to fight while you go to a movie.

'BMW'. Not the car as you might think. This one stands for bowel movement wiper. What is lazier than not wanting to wipe your own butt? Bring in a professional and prevent those nasty stains in your gitch.

'Guests'. Do you want to have people over but your friends are too lazy to make the drive? Bring in some substitutes. The beauty here is that you can get them to leave whenever you want. They can also go to parties you do not feel like going to because you want to watch the big game live. Send someone in your place and have them take notes. They also provide Tupperware so they can bring you leftovers making sure you don't miss out.

"Steps'. Not the app you are accustomed to. It doesn't count your steps. Your spouse wants to go for a walk in the woods on a fine summer day but you don't want to? Someone will come to your place to walk with them. Also can be used for shopping buddies. You just have to designate whether or not it will involve carrying pkgs.

'Bath Buddy.' Need a description? They will scrub those hard to get at places for you. All you have to do is lie there (or stand there with the companion app Shower Buddy) and let them do all the work.

There are probably more but this is enough to make me rich beyond my wildest dreams. Maybe an app that gets people to help spend my money, although there are scammers out there just waiting to do this.

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: Convenience is nice but there is a joy in doing things for yourself that just can't be beat.