#Akemi isn’t having him

[mokonasenpaiposts]

Gals don’t worry he’s gonna hit Akemi with one of these.

sincerely yours. (11)

↳ gojou satoru/reader

when a twist of fate led their marriage to the path of a quintessential tragic romance, two past lovers go through another series of experiences on love, heartbreak, identity, illness, and trauma along the road to a happily ever after. 

genre. heavy angst, amnesia, modern au, 18+ 

tags/warnings. depression, cheating, trauma, implied suicide attempt, toxic relationships

notes. 12k wc. we're so close to the finale <3 thanks so much for the continued support and for the patience you guys have with this series :')

series masterlist -> episode twelve

For better and worse. 

Weddings are funny things. Despite the strict adherence to ceremonial traditions, they didn’t guarantee a happily ever after. Exchanging vows and the signing of marriage certificates could become meaningless when a couple faces challenges that would drive them apart. Consider the high-profile divorces of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, or Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Divorce had become so common that it almost seemed inevitable for many couples, even the ones with the most fairytale-like relationships. No one was safe from the idea of a divorce. So, was having a wedding really that important? Would it really define the quality and longevity of a relationship?

Satoru might have been thinking bitterly about it, given that his own marriage wasn’t exactly a shining success. However, he was also being rational when he said that weddings weren’t necessary to prove your love for each other. Early in his marriage, he certainly wasn’t the best husband, but over time, he learned to genuinely become a good partner to his ex-wife. There was no specific time frame for loving someone. You could be together for weeks, months, or years, yet the depth of love you share might remain unchanged. This constancy can be either a blessing or a curse, depending on how deep your love was from the beginning.

Well… On the topic of marriages, Satoru had no good thing to say. But that didn’t mean he shouldn’t participate in it. Weddings were still considered a special celebration for families and close friends, and He would be selfish not to share in such a beautiful event with his best friends. Besides, wasn’t it always expected that Suguru and Shoko would end up marrying each other? They were lucky—fortunate because their marriage was built on a foundation of genuine love. In contrast, Satoru’s marriage began out of convenience, which ultimately led to all the terrible things that followed.

As the best man, Satoru strode confidently alongside Suguru down the aisle, both adorned in princely tuxedos, drawing the eyes of the guests as they followed their procession. There were teasing remarks, smiles all around, and even a comment from one of the groom’s female cousins about how handsome they both looked. Despite the gentle commotion, Satoru understood why Suguru remained nervous as they reached the end of the aisle. He comfortingly stood by his side, offered a reassuring pat on the back, silently communicating to his best friend that everything would be alright.

“Don’t tell me you’ll back out now,” Satoru jested, whispering in Suguru’s ear as they observed the guests entering in accordance with the processional order.

Suguru, with his once long hair now neatly trimmed and slicked back, cleared his throat in an attempt to appear less anxious. “What if she gets cold feet?” 

Gojou couldn’t help but tease. “Shoko? You really think she’d have cold feet?” he chuckled. “She’d be the one dragging your ass back to this garden if you tried to run away.”

“Fair enough.” 

Just the night before, they had checked into the Hoshinoya Fuji to celebrate Suguru's last night of freedom. While there was drinking involved, one of the groomsmen insisted it wouldn’t be a proper bachelor’s party without some female company. So, inevitably, there were women in the hotel room, one of whom even gave Suguru a lap dance even though he showed no interest whatsoever. It was amusing to Satoru, considering his best friend used to be the biggest casanova, and now he was a committed and loyal man who, not only was terrified out of his wits on his wedding day, but was also afraid that the one woman he loved might run away from him.

Such genuine, pure love. 

As Satoru pondered, his gaze landed on Akemi, who was seated a couple of rows back among the other guests. She had just arrived, her hair tied elegantly in a low ponytail and her silky sage dress accentuating her womanly figure flawlessly. She was wearing the diamond Tiffany & Co. earrings he had gifted her, which made her stand out among the rest of the people in that garden. Their eyes also met at the perfect moment, her gaze sparkling upon seeing Satoru in his tuxedo. He offered her a smile, one that silently conveyed ‘I’ll be there with you later,’ and she immediately understood. 

How fortunate was Satoru to have her? Perhaps the reason for her late appearance was because she had been looking after Sachiro back home, fulfilling the duties that his ex-wife should have been doing. She was truly a mother who stepped up, especially during a time when both he and his son felt most abandoned.

And what about you? Who knew if you would even attend the wedding? You were meant to be Ieiri’s maid-of-honor, yet you were conspicuously absent. Perhaps you were still in Monaco, enjoying your time playing house with Toji, making a wedding like this seem insignificant to you. You would have informed Miwa in advance and picked up Sachiro if you had returned to Tokyo, right? Suguru also hadn’t mentioned anything about your arrival at the accommodation, hinting that someone else would have to step in as Shoko's maid-of-honor.

But who would it be? Shoko’s cousin? One of her other female co-workers? Her high school friend? 

“Look, mom! She’s beautiful~”

Satoru was rendered speechless, utterly captivated by the sight before him. His fingers tingled with anticipation, his heart raced in his chest, his feet felt rooted to the ground, and his eyes remained fixed on the next lady gracefully making her way down the aisle. He couldn’t quite pinpoint what struck him the most: was it the sight of you in a stunning light green dress, resembling an angel descended from the heavens, or was it the haunting reminder of his own wedding day, when you walked down the same aisle as his most beautiful bride?

His breath caught in his throat, his chest tightening with each step you took down the aisle. Satoru felt like a statue, frozen in place, unable to tear his gaze away from you. You had become the sole focus of his attention, the rest of the world fading into a blur around him. He couldn’t comprehend it. Why was it so effortless for him to let his guard down around you?

This woman, he thought. This woman is Sachiro’s mother. This was the same woman that carried his flesh and blood for nine months, now appearing as radiant as a freshly bloomed flower, as if untouched by the stresses of unexpected motherhood. What had transpired in Monaco to transform you into this vision of beauty?

“You’re drooling.” Suguru nudged him on the chest. “This isn’t your wedding. You had your chance.” 

Yes, he was well aware. This wasn’t his wedding, and he needed to maintain composure. Yet, it felt as though he was being drawn inexorably towards the mesmerizing goddess before him. With each beat of his heart quickening, he struggled to remind himself: No, Satoru. She's nothing to you now.

And because he was lost in a trance, he remained oblivious to the bride’s entrance and even Suguru’s emotional reaction to seeing his bride. His attention was solely fixated on you as he stole glances your way whenever he could. It wasn’t until the exchanging of rings, when you two had to stand side by side to assist the bride and groom, that he snapped back to reality. With you so close yet seemingly distant, Satoru felt a pang of disappointment as you never returned his gaze. The whispers and side comments from the guests also added to his discomfort, making him acutely aware of the scrutiny placed upon the best man and maid-of-honor.

“Aren’t they divorced?”

“Yeah, their marriage was a wreck.” 

“They’re bad luck. I hope they don’t pass it onto the couple.”  

For the first time in a long time, Satoru was gripped by an unprecedented desire to retort, to refute the misconceptions surrounding his marriage. Yet, he knew it was futile. Engaging in a verbal sparring match with another guest would only ruin his best friends' special day. Moreover, he might risk causing unintentional hurt to Akemi by defending a marriage that had long ceased to exist. So, despite the internal turmoil, he remained silent, allowing the whispers to persist unchecked.

And, with that, the wedding ceremony ended. Shoko and Suguru were now declared husband and wife. 

— — 

The reception was a time for socializing, enjoying drinks and hors d’oeuvres, and congratulating the newlyweds. For Suguru and Shoko, this part of the celebration felt effortless and their energies were seamlessly complementing each other’s. Unlike arranged marriages, there was no sense of haste or coercion; theirs was a union born of genuine affection. You couldn’t help but feel foolish for ever entertaining the notion that this was merely a conventional wedding experience. Here, before your eyes, unfolded a true celebration of love between two people.

Did Satoru share the same sentiments? You wondered what thoughts raced through his mind during the proceedings. Did the event trigger memories of his own past, or stir feelings of longing for what could have been?

You refused to subject yourself to the torment of dwelling on your past. If anything, your time living alone in Monaco had been a crucial step in your healing journey. While the process was far from complete, that solitary retreat had provided a much-needed respite from the source of your stress. It afforded you the opportunity to contemplate the life you were destined to lead, albeit alone for the foreseeable future.

By allowing Sachiro to spend more time with his father, you not only facilitated the rebuilding of their fractured relationship, but also acclimated your child to your absence. It was a necessary adjustment, one that would prepare him for the reality of your impending solitary existence. At least, Sachiro had a chance to live in a loving household with Satoru and Akemi, instead of a miserable and lonely way of living together with you. 

In the end, it was all for your child. 

As for the potential emotional minefield of attending this wedding, you were there for Shoko, who had always been a steadfast and understanding presence in your life. Her genuine friendship meant more to you than mere familial bonds ever could. Even at the risk of stirring up unhealthy emotions by being in a room full of people who hurt you, you couldn’t bear to disappoint Ieiri. 

Admittedly though, navigating the wedding crowd was a delicate balance of warmth and formality. Ieiri’s side of the family, who were doctors heavily acquainted with your family, greeted you with genuine warmth. While Suguru’s relatives, who were more closely tied to the Gojou family, maintained a polite distance. Although there were occasional moments of discomfort, you knew how to maintain composure throughout. 

As for Toji’s absence, while a part of you wished he could have been there as a supportive presence, you also recognized the value in learning to handle situations involving your ex-husband independently. He had an unavoidable business trip, but that also provided an opportunity for you to stop relying on him and navigate such occasions like these on your own. He was nothing more than a friend now. 

While that ex-husband, Satoru, was here with your best friend. It didn’t surprise you that he had brought Akemi as a plus one. In fact, you had expected it to happen. It just wasn’t the best feeling to be the maid-of-honor when the best man clearly had another lady for it in mind. 

It was quite amusing, too. Not once had Akemi approached you during the reception. You understood that she wanted to keep her distance, but you found it disrespectful that she was ignoring your existence. Was she scared to talk to you? Scared of what you had to say? You had heard over a million hurtful things from other people, yet she was afraid to hear a few pieces of advice from you?  

Forget it. Forget her and Satoru. Focus on the reception, Y/N. 

But really, how could you? As the moment arrived for the newlyweds’ first dance, tradition dictated that the best man and maid-of-honor should also take to the floor. You sensed the tension in the air as Satoru hesitated, surrounded by urging groomsmen, deciding whether or not he should ask you for a dance. He looked like he was battling with what was right and wrong in his mind, yet ultimately he chose to pass by you, extending his hand to Akemi instead.

It wasn’t feelings of shame that slapped you to reality. It was seeing Satoru holding Akemi’s hand, another on her waist, as they slowly danced to Can’t Help Falling In Love, a song that was played on your wedding day. 

Take my hand

Take my whole life too

Oh, for I can’t help

Falling in love with you

It shouldn’t hurt anymore. You were doing better. You were doing so good, you were doing… you were okay. You should be okay. Or did you overestimate your emotions a little too much? Because this, seeing the man you loved with all your heart holding another woman in his arms, was tortuous to your soul. You could feel the pains of your past tugging at your heart, wondering why he never danced like that with you on your wedding day? Why he never stared at you like you were the most beautiful girl in the world, why he never showed you off in a room full of curious people, why he never respected you enough to treat you with such… with such love. 

“Everything okay?”

You didn’t expect Nanami, out of all people, to be offering you a handkerchief. You hadn’t even realized that your eyes were already pooling of the tears if he had not cut you out of trance, offering a comforting and sympathetic smile. You had to blink multiple times just to push your tears back in. 

“Yeah,” you answered with a grateful expression. I’m strong. I’ll be fine. “Thank you.” 

Nanami took that as a sign to offer his hand. “Care for a dance, then?” 

Wiping your eyes, you nodded, smiling at the man. “Why not?” 

After the dance, the reception continued as follows. The cake cutting, the dinner service, then the toasts and speeches. If it wasn’t for Nanami, you wouldn’t have been able to pick yourself back up after the humiliation of seeing Satoru and Akemi dancing together. You just needed a decent amount of air to breathe and gather yourself together again. It was a nice help from someone who wasn’t a personal acquaintance of yours, that despite being Satoru’s right hand man in the company, Nanami still had some kindness in him that you would forever be thankful for. 

And when it was time for you to do your speech as the MOH, you didn’t let a single vulnerable emotion slip out of you. For that short moment, you tried not to think about who was in the audience, about what they thought of you, and about what other preconceived notions they had of you. You focused on the newlyweds as you stood in front of the mic stand, eye-to-eye with Shoko and Suguru, who were holding each other’s hands. 

“Shoko,” you began, smiling genuinely at the couple, “Through the laughter and tears, you’ve been my constant, my confidante, my rock. And today, as I watch you embark on this new chapter of your life, I’m honestly a bit overwhelmed with emotion.” 

The bride returned your smile, and you can tell Shoko was holding back tears of her own as she glanced between you and Satoru. 

You continued your speech, observing Suguru’s supportive gesture towards his wife as you spoke. “Shoko, I recall our late-night conversations, the tears shed over broken marriages, and the pain of shattered relationships. Yet, through it all, you’ve remained steadfast in your belief in love, in hope, in the possibility of a happily ever after.” Turning to Suguru, although he still had that lingering discomfort around you, you offered him nothing but heartfelt words. “As I look at you and Suguru, I’m reminded that true love exists—a love that is patient, kind, and enduring. My wish for you both is a lifetime filled with laughter, joy, and unwavering support for each other. May you cherish each other’s hearts, protect each other’s dreams, and weather life’s storms together, stronger in your love. Suguru, during your challenging days as a married couple, I pray that you always look at Shoko and remember why you love her. I pray that you will always have the capacity to cherish and respect her as your wife and the future mother of your children. May you keep her in your heart, no matter what challenges may come your way.”

As tears welled in Ieiri’s eyes, your voice faltered, the magnitude of your wishes for their marriage weighing heavily on your own unfulfilled desires. You weren’t trying to make this about you, and you hoped they thought that, too. 

“As I raise my glass to toast this beautiful union,” you said, raising the champagne glass on your hand, “I do so with a heart full of love and a silent prayer—that your love story will be one of triumph, of healing, and of endless happiness. Congratulations, Shoko and Suguru!”

— —

Satoru was deeply affected by your speech. Both in good and bad ways. On one hand, he was touched by the sincerity of your words and the genuine wishes you extended to the newlywed couple. On the other hand, he couldn’t shake off the pang of guilt and remorse that accompanied your words, knowing all too well the history behind them. When you expressed your hopes for Suguru to always cherish and respect Shoko, Satoru couldn’t help but reflect on his own behavior during your marriage and the ways in which he may have fallen short.

Each action he did definitely had a lasting impact on you. 

But what about the good ones? Had you forgotten about the times he treated you well? Had you forgotten the lengths he took just to prove to you that he was a changed man? That at one point in his life, he would do everything in him just to show you how much he loved you? 

It was unfair. Why did you only ever look at the bad things he did and never the good ones? Why did you still see him as a villain in your marriage when he knew he had paid his dues after he lost you?

It was truly, honestly unfair, that you get to be happy with Toji, but he ought to feel guilty for being with Akemi. 

“I think they’re about to do the bouquet and garter toss,” spoke Akemi, tugging at Satoru’s arm while they sat on their designated table. She held a napkin on her other hand to wipe her partner’s chin, smiling in excitement. “You should go and join.” 

Where were you? After your speech, Satoru couldn’t seem to find you anymore. Where had you gone off to? Did you leave already? 

“Y-Yeah,” Satoru answered, looking around the venue before turning to Akemi. “What about you? Won’t you join the bouquet toss thing?” 

She shook her head, hesitantly. “Isn’t it only for bridesmaids?” 

He grabbed her hand and urged her up. “No, it’s for all unmarried female guests. Come on.” 

The reason Satoru dragged her along was because Akemi loved weddings, and she especially enjoyed the traditions that came with it. She herself once dreamt about the picture perfect wedding, but never got to fully have her own, so attending such occasions made up for the lack of personally experiencing it. 

Gojou couldn’t exactly remember if he did the garter toss in his own wedding. If so, who had caught it? Who had caught your bouquet? His eyes swept across the entire venue once more, searching for your familiar figure among the guests. He was too occupied to realize that Shoko had already tossed her bouquet, and the frenzy of eager ladies ensued until it landed in Akemi’s hands.

He genuinely felt happy for Akemi. The joy in her eyes upon catching Shoko’s bouquet was unmistakable. Yet, as the playful teasing about a potential wedding for him shifted in his direction, Satoru couldn’t help but feel a twinge of pressure. It wasn’t supposed to weigh on him like this. It was too soon to have that expectation of him. 

“Looks like someone’s getting married next!”

And while he was feeling suffocated from the pressure placed upon him, the receiver of the tossed garter happened to have been Nanami. 

Immediately, the teasing ensued, with the other guests urging Nanami to wear the garter on Akemi’s leg. Out of respect, Nanami looked at Gojou for permission, but honestly? He was just grateful he didn’t have to do all that and be pressured about another wedding that he had not yet thought about. Fuck it, thank God Nanami had caught the garter because Satoru was sure as hell starting to feel uneasy there. 

“Go for it,” was the only thing Satoru said to Nanami, gesturing his chin at Akemi’s direction. 

While everyone was focused on the situation between Nanami and Akemi, Satoru took that opportunity to escape from the crowd and find his peace at the balcony. He hastily made his way out of the reception hall, feeling a sense of relief as he could finally breathe. 

And there you were, standing alone, lost in contemplation, and your gaze fixed upon the tranquil expanse of the lakeside. The chill breeze caressed your hair softly, as if mirroring the calm that enveloped your countenance. In another universe, this would have been an opportune moment to hug you from behind, sharing the warmth of his embrace around your figure. But he was living in a universe where you and him weren’t meant to be together.

In fact, you were probably thinking about another man as you stared at the lake, hoping that he was there with you. 

“Did you have fun in Monaco with Toji?” Satoru was crazy for going straight to the point, and he knew it was a blunt inquiry, bordering on intrusive, but it tumbled out nonetheless, revealing the thoughts that had been plaguing in his mind. His words spilled out before he could rein them in, a question born of curiosity and perhaps a touch of jealousy.

As for you, with your peace in the balcony now ruined, you briefly opened your mouth to respond, but held back against it as you met Gojou’s eyes with a distant stare. You were even quick to look away and sigh, like he was not worth the conversation. You had not spoken a word to him since the wedding ceremony and you were definitely going to keep doing it. 

And man, did that hurt his ego. 

So, for a very stupid reason, he felt the need to hurt yours in return. “Do you know Sachi calls Akemi ‘mama’ in his sleep?” 

Your eyes remained empty. “Good for you, then. You won’t have a hard time getting him accustomed to it.” 

“Y/N.” Satoru’s voice came out as a warning, and he was about to start an argument on why you were abandoning him and Sachi over Toji, but he was interrupted at the appearance of Akemi carrying Shoko’s bouquet as she tried to search for her lover. This meant that the conversation with the ex-wife was over.

But as he glanced between you and Akemi, his bitter past and his sweet present, why did Satoru’s heart still lingered with you when it shouldn’t?

“You should go,” you briefly muttered, walking in the opposite direction, “Your future wife’s looking for you.”

Satoru’s sudden grip on your wrist halted your steps abruptly. His voice carried a bitter edge as he reminded you of the agreement you had made. “Y/N, we agreed to co-parent Sachiro properly. Why are you choosing Toji over your own son?” 

The accusation left a tense atmosphere, eliciting a sharp response from you as you yanked your hand away, a flash of anger igniting in your eyes. “You have no idea what you're talking about, Satoru.”

— —

“Welcome to Hoshinoya Fuji, Ms. L/N!” 

You stepped out of the car, taking in the serene beauty of the lakeside cabin that would be your sanctuary for the next three days and two nights. Nestled among towering pines and sturdy oaks, the cabin exuded a rustic charm that blended seamlessly with the natural landscape. Its weathered wooden exterior, adorned with a green tin roof, seemed to have grown organically from the earth itself.

The cabin sat on a gentle slope that led directly to the water’s edge. A wooden deck wrapped around the front, offering a perfect vantage point for gazing out over the tranquil lake. Your room also had the best view of Mount Fuji, which you thought was the highlight of this luxurious accommodation. 

After the newlywed send-off, you were quickly ushered in by Shoko and Suguru’s staff, who were in charge of attending to the special guests staying a few extra days at the cabin. Though the couple wouldn’t start their proper honeymoon until their 6-month long cruise trip in two weeks, they wanted their guests to enjoy the accommodations they had arranged. You were relieved to hear that, despite Satoru and Akemi also being among the friends staying, each guest had their own private cabin reserved.

The thing was, you could leave any time if you wanted to. Shoko also reassured you that it would be okay and that she would understand if you wanted to go home right away. She knew that the situation may be uncomfortable for you, and that she felt bad you even had to deal with it during the ceremony, but you made a promise to her. You were her maid-of-honor for a reason, and part of your duty was to help with the post-ceremony tasks to ensure that Shoko can focus on enjoying her pre and post-wedding activities. 

So, in some ways, you felt obliged to stay. You didn’t need to interact much with others during your stay, anyway. You were content staying in your room, perhaps taking some occasional walks outside. Satoru could do whatever he wanted with Akemi; you were determined to avoid crossing their paths.

Besides, inside the cabin was a cozy retreat. The main living area featured large windows that framed the picturesque view, allowing moonlight to spill in and illuminate the space. A stone fireplace, complete with a rustic mantel adorned with pinecones and candles, stood as the centerpiece of the room. Plush armchairs and a worn leather sofa invited relaxation, while a handwoven rug added a touch of warmth and color.

As you moved towards the bedroom, you found a comfortable queen-sized bed covered in a soft, plaid quilt. The scent of pine mingled with the faint aroma of fresh linens, creating an atmosphere of peaceful haven. An old-fashioned dresser and a bedside table, topped with a simple lamp, completed the room. The windows here, too, offered a glimpse of the sparkling lake, ensuring that the beauty of nature would greet you each morning.

Stepping outside, you walked down a short path to the water’s edge, where a small wooden dock extended into the lake. A pair of Adirondack chairs sat invitingly at the end of the dock, perfect for soaking in the sunset or stargazing at night. Nearby, a fire pit surrounded by stones and logs as seating promised cozy evenings under the stars, with the gentle sound of lapping water providing a soothing backdrop.

On your first night there, you ended up falling asleep right away. The physical and emotional exhaustion, combined with jetlag, knocked you out. However, the next day promised a few tasks to complete the post-wedding cleanup. 

The second night, however, was a different story.

When you returned to the cabin, the cool evening air was crisp against your skin. The temperature went down a couple of celsius compared to yesterday, so as you walked down the path toward the lakeside, you were drawn to the flickering glow of a fire pit illuminating the area near the water’s edge. Drawing closer, the soft sounds of laughter and conversation reached your ears, mingling with the gentle crackle of burning logs.

The fire pit was surrounded by a group, their faces lit by the warm, golden light of the flames. They sat on a circle of logs and foldable chairs, leaning in to feel the comforting heat. Some held mugs of steaming cocoa, while others toasted marshmallows on long sticks, their tips glowing bright orange before transforming into gooey, sugary treats.

You paused for a moment and took in the scene. Was it a safe space for you to be in? You noticed familiar faces among the group—some of the couple’s old friends from the wedding, now relaxed and enjoying the peaceful night. One of the guests strummed a guitar softly, the melody adding to the cozy, inviting atmosphere. Another guest told a story, their animated expressions and gestures causing bursts of laughter from the listeners.

There was no sight of Satoru and Akemi. Perhaps, it might be okay to join in.

As you approached, Suguru emerged from a nearby cabin, smiling in a way that felt unusual. Why was he being friendly all of a sudden? Last time you checked, he still held a grudge against you. But now, he showed no signs of antagonism, and was even approaching you with his usual friendly demeanor.

“Y/N,” he said, the fog of his breath visible in the cold air, “I never got to thank you properly for helping us with everything here. I didn’t think you’d make it last minute.”

You wrapped your shawl tighter around yourself to ward off the chill. “It’s no trouble. I’m glad to help out and be here for you guys,” you replied warmly. And while glancing around, you noticed the absence of Shoko. “Where’s the missus?”

Suguru’s smile took on a mischievous edge. “Sleeping. She’s still pretty tired and…”

You interrupted him with a laugh, catching onto his suggestive tone. “Alright, you two. You’re wild.”

His grin softened into a sincere expression. “No, seriously. I never got to properly thank you. I never got to apologize to you either.” Suguru looked down with guilt. “I’m sorry for being an asshole to you. I was focusing too much on Satoru’s point-of-view, dismissing how it must be like to be in your position amidst all that mess. Shoko helped me understand why you made certain decisions, why you had no other option. She helped me see things from your perspective, to realize the extent of your suffering. We all knew that, I guess. We all knew you were constantly dealt a bad hand, yet you remain kind and resilient. You continue to show empathy to others, even when the world hasn’t been fair to you.”

In the ensuing silence, your heart seemed to thunder in your chest. His words carried weight far beyond what he might have intended, and you genuinely appreciated his apology. Even if he didn’t need to say them. 

“I guess what I’m trying to say is, you’re a gem, Y/N.” Suguru gave your back a gentle pat. “You deserve to be happy in your own special way. And just like how you wished us well with our marriage, I hope you’ll find your own path to a happy marriage, too.” 

“Thank you,” you mumbled, looking down with a forlorn smile. 

“We’re here for you, okay?” he offered, “Shoko and I. You can count on us if you need us, if you need help with Sachiro, if you need help with life in general.” 

“I appreciate it, really.” 

And by then, he cleared his throat, opening up a topic that caught you off guard. You didn’t expect it from Suguru out of all people. “Y/N, I know why you were in Monaco.” 

Of course. He’d know it from Shoko. 

“I also know,” he continued, dark narrow eyes staring straight at yours, “why you left Sachiro with his father.” 

You were a deer caught in the headlights. You wouldn’t say it felt invasive to have someone be aware of the reasoning behind your personal decisions, but it was just an altogether different feeling to know that it was your ex-husband’s best friend who knew. 

“Why didn’t you tell him?” he asked, referring to Satoru, “That you broke up with Toji?” 

You took a deep breath. “I don’t see the point of telling him.”

“What if I were to tell you that he’d come running desperately to you the moment he finds out?” he posed another burning question. “You still love him, right? You and him would likely get together without much difficulty if he were aware. So, why hesitate?”

“Because I don’t want that,” you answered, feeling words caught in your throat in a moment of vulnerability. “Because I’m scared to get back with him. Because he has Akemi now. Because I don’t wanna keep ruining the lives of the people around me. We’re better off this way, Suguru. I don’t want to mess up the second time around, and I definitely don’t think Satoru would be able to fully move on with his life with me still in the picture. He seems to be happy with Akemi already.” 

Suguru smiled sadly. “You don’t even wanna get your revenge? Don’t wanna get back at your best friend for dating your ex?” he paused to correct himself, “Well, dating is the wrong term. Satoru insists they’re not exclusive, you know?” 

You shook your head, sighing. Satoru, you haven’t changed. “It doesn’t matter. I’m fine with the way things are.” 

He was on the verge of continuing, poised to persuade further, but the arrival of the very individuals in question brought an abrupt halt to his words. Descending the cabin steps was Shoko, trailed by Satoru, who, in a gesture of warmth, had draped his jacket around Akemi, with his arms encircling her.

All five of you found yourselves in an awkward situation, now faced with two couples, one of which was at the core of your distress. The tension was palpable, and it didn’t help that Satoru’s vivid blue eyes met yours, seemingly trying to decode the conversation between you and Suguru. That was none of his business. He could continue his affectionate display with Akemi, while you had other matters to attend to than be part of an awkward quintet.

“I should go,” you declared, avoiding eye contact with everyone, unwilling to play the fifth wheel. You were hoping to evade Satoru and Akemi’s presence, but both Shoko and Suguru already caught your arm. 

“Y/N, please,” Shoko urged, her arm reaching out to you. “Don't isolate yourself tonight. Come join us.”

The memory of Bora Bora flooded your mind, a painful reminder of a similar situation when Shoko had extended the same invitation, leading to the discomfort of witnessing Sera’s closeness with Satoru. You knew that wasn’t Shoko’s intention, but it was your ex-husband who couldn’t stop catching himself in these situations. 

This was a bad idea. You knew that. 

So, why did you agree? 

Despite your reservations, curiosity got the best of you. You would vehemently deny it if asked, but deep down, you pondered whether Suguru’s words held any truth about Satoru’s lingering feelings for you. It wasn’t out of pettiness, but rather a desire to confirm if Satoru was truly committed to Akemi. You knew this could potentially hurt you, but after enduring so much pain, you couldn’t imagine anything worse.

“Hey, you guys!” 

“It’s nice of you to join us!” 

“What’s up newlyweds?” 

Upon joining the group at the fireplace, you were partly grateful that you weren’t exactly a fifth wheel in the situation. There were about ten or twelve people in total, with the earlier group still remaining in their seats. It just so happened that you were seated right across your ex-husband, who was too busy trying to keep Akemi warm and cozy. 

“So, Y/N…” spoke a man from the group, who appeared to be Suguru’s colleague. “Are you single?” 

The unexpected question caught you off guard, especially the tension it seemed to create, particularly with Satoru who sat stiffly next to Akemi. Even Shoko and Suguru seemed apologetic for their friend’s behavior, but you brushed it off, recognizing that he had probably indulged a bit too much with beer. He was harmless enough when sober.

“Don’t be asking questions like that,” Suguru intervened, tapping the back of his friend’s head in a playful scold. “That’s rude.” 

The friend protested, still oblivious to the discomfort he had caused. “I was just asking! She’s attractive. I have the right to know.”

You forced a smile, accepting the can of beer he had offered. “Thanks, but I—”

“Even if she’s single, she’s not interested in you,” Shoko chimed in, keeping a casual mien. She had to keep things cool, especially with an explosive Gojou around. You were just thankful that she didn’t exactly reveal the status of your relationship with Toji, and that she was doing her best to divert the attention away from you. 

In this little scene, you caught a glimpse of Akemi tugging at Satoru’s arm, like she was uncomfortable with the conversation. Why? Did it trigger an insecurity within her? She couldn’t even return eye-contact, constantly avoiding your eyes and reacting to any conversation remotely related to you. But Satoru was there acting like a concerned boyfriend, whispering reassurance into her ear, and rubbing her knee in a comforting fashion. 

“You two make a lovely couple,” remarked one of the girls, directing her compliment to Satoru and Akemi.“Weren’t you the girl who caught the bouquet? Looks like there might be another wedding on the horizon.”

“Oooh!” 

“They’re an attractive couple, too.” 

“You guys planning for any children?” 

Just like Bora Bora. A bitter smile lingered on your face, but you decided not to look at Satoru anymore. He must be enjoying this. 

Shoko leaned in and placed an arm around you to whisper her apologies. “I’m sorry, Y/N. This was a bad idea.” 

“It’s okay,” you assured, not wanting to ruin the moment. “I’ll leave after I finish my beer so it won’t be awkward.” 

As the night wore on, conversation flowed easily at first, with everyone exchanging stories and laughter, and eventually more beers and liquor were passed around. Shoko and Suguru were lost in the glow of newlywed bliss, while you found yourself increasingly uneasy as memories of the past mingled with the present.

Satoru’s presence beside Akemi was a constant reminder of your failed marriage, and you struggled to suppress the weakness in your chest that threatened to surface. They held hands and watched the fire together, her head resting on his shoulder, his lips on top of her head. She was trying to voice out a specific concern to him, and he was sweetly listening to her. Did they even realize the ex-wife was in the same area with them? It was insensitive. You never knew Satoru could be this insensitive around you, no matter what his reasons were, his romantic gestures towards her was a clear slap to your face. And he succeeded, because you would be foolish not to admit that it broke your heart in half to witness him choosing another woman over you. 

Again, Satoru. Here we go again. You tried to stop the pounding on your chest. Here we fucking are the second time around. 

Desperate to ease the tension, Shoko and Suguru attempted to steer the conversation toward lighter topics, but their efforts only served to highlight the underlying tension in the air. You forced a smile and nodded along with the conversation, but inside, your heart was heavy with unresolved emotions.

And then someone had to bring up that stupid truth or dare game. 

“Satoru-kun, I dare you to kiss the prettiest woman in this group.” 

“Whoo! Do it! Do it! Do it!” 

Satoru was initially hesitant as he clearly found himself at a crossroads. He had two options here. Should he risk hurting Akemi by refusing to kiss her? Or should he risk hurting you by kissing another woman in front of you?

The clear winner was Akemi, because as soon as Gojou pressed his lips onto hers, you were already walking out of there. You had already excused yourself from the group, your footsteps as heavy as your heart. And unbeknownst to you, Satoru watched you go with a flicker of remorse in his eyes, but it was too late for apologies or second chances. The fire continued to crackle and pop as you left, its flames casting long shadows across the empty space where you had sat.

It was game over. Satoru had won his game. 

— —

Satoru was puzzled by your behavior since the wedding. You seemed determined to avoid him, which made sense with Akemi constantly by his side, but there was also an air of desperation to your avoidance. What baffled him even more was the jealousy you exhibited, as if you weren’t involved with another man, to the point where you even flew to another country just to spend more time with him. 

Like you said, you two were no longer married. It was about time you moved on. Yet, how come you were acting heartbroken over seeing Satoru with another woman?

Did you really think leaving the fire pit so abruptly had gone unnoticed?

Did you really think he had taken his eyes off you?

If not for Akemi telling him that she was having pelvic cramps, Gojou would have run off to follow you the minute you left the fire pit. Clearly, you still had an issue seeing him with another girl and he wanted you to voice it out. But if there was anything he learned during your time together, you would never be the first one to admit that you were jealous. Heck, didn’t you even allow him to bring Sera to Bora Bora that one time?

Look, he didn’t want to hurt you all over again. And if you had walked up to him and called him an asshole for having Akemi around, he would even agree with you. But it was your decision to choose Toji, it was your request for Satoru to find someone else, so why did it seem like you were suddenly changing your mind?

“I’m sorry for being a party pooper,” Akemi groaned in discomfort as Gojou helped her back to their cabin. He quickly refocused on their conversation, reminding himself not to dwell on thoughts of you when Akemi needed his attention—it wouldn’t be fair to her. She was suffering from a terrible illness that he wouldn’t wish upon anyone and he had to be her rock. “It’s been hurting quite a bit lately. I really should start with my treatment.”

Once inside their room, he swiftly settled her into bed. “Where does it hurt?” He applied a gentle touch to her pelvic bone, massaging the area to alleviate her discomfort. “Here?”

“Mhm. Thank you,” she lightly spoke, her soft hand caressing his cheek. “I’ll be fine.”

“You look really pale, though. I’m worried,” he remarked, sympathizing with her. Her complexion betrayed the pain she was holding back, though she likely hesitated to admit she wanted to go home and rest. “Do you wanna go home? Even if it’s in the middle of the night, I can have my driver pick us up.”

She shook her head quickly. “No, no. Please, I'll be fine. You won't get to see Shoko and Suguru for a while once they’re on their honeymoon, so I want you to spend time with them here.”

“You sure? But you always come first.” 

“I’ll be okay.” 

As Satoru continued to massage the area where Akemi felt pain, his thoughts inevitably drifted to you. He recalled the time when you were pregnant with Sachiro, experiencing frequent lower abdominal pain as your body adjusted to the baby. Each night, Satoru stayed up, gently rubbing your belly until you drifted off to sleep. It was one of his happiest memories during your marriage—the domestic bliss of being your husband and the memory of him caring for his wife. He wasn’t sure if he was missing it, or if he was just recalling a past memory, but looking at Akemi, Satoru wondered if he was prepared to have all that again but with another woman. 

He couldn’t give himself an answer. 

“I’m such a terrible person.” 

He should be telling himself that, but it was Akemi who said those words out loud as her brown doe-eyes stared at him solemnly, an expression that reflected guilt and remorse in equal measure. 

“How come?” Satoru’s voice was barely above a whisper as he asked, gently tucking the sheets around her while perching on the edge of the bed.

Her smile held a touch of sorrow, yet there was a glimmer of relief in her eyes. “I feel like I’ve failed Y/N. She treated me like family, like a sister, and now I can’t even face her properly. I’m just terrified, you know? I don’t want to keep letting her down. I never meant to cause her pain.”

For a moment, Gojou fell silent at her admission. “It’s all my fault. You two never would have been in this position if it wasn’t for me.” 

“Absolutely not,” Akemi persisted before leaning in to plant a tender kiss on his cheek. “Tonight, you’ve shown me that you’ve truly moved on from her. I was starting to worry, afraid that I could never fill the space she held in your heart. But since the wedding, you’ve never sidelined me or made me feel like an afterthought. You’ve never made me feel like second best. You’ve always prioritized me. I understand it’s hard seeing your ex-wife, but I appreciate your efforts more than you know. You make me feel incredibly special.”

Satoru swallowed hard. The mention of your name sent a pang of guilt coursing through his chest. He knew he had hurt Akemi with his lingering attachment to his past and his inability to fully let go of the woman who had once held his heart in her hands. He wanted to agree with Akemi, to reassure her that he had chosen her, but the truth remained elusive, buried beneath layers of denial and self-deception. He even had to close his eyes for a minute, unable to meet her gaze as a tumult of conflicting emotions swirled within him. He wanted to tell her the truth, to confess the depth of his feelings for his ex-wife, but the words were caught in his throat.

In that moment, Satoru felt more lost and alone than ever before, trapped in a web of his own making, and unable to confront the truth behind his true feelings. Moved on? Had he truly moved on from you, or had he simply buried his feelings beneath a facade of indifference?

“You should rest your eyes,” was the only thing he could tell her, planting a kiss on her forehead before he had turned off the lights. 

With the clock ticking past 11 o’clock and their recent conversation still echoing in his mind, Satoru felt an urgent need for clarity. He knew he had to confront his thoughts alone. So, without disturbing Akemi’s peaceful slumber, he quietly slipped out of the cabin, seeking solace in the night air. Immediately, as he got out, he was met with the apologetic eyes of his best friend. 

“Hey,” Satoru greeted, confused by the urgency in Suguru’s expression. “What’s up?” 

Suguru took a deep breath before he rubbed the back of his head. “There’s something I ought to tell you.” 

— —

You had been standing at the edge of the lake for a while now, the cool night air sending shivers down your spine as you gazed out at the shimmering expanse of water before you. The moon hung low in the sky, casting a silvery glow over the tranquil scene, its soft light dancing on the surface of the lake like a thousand tiny stars.

The temptation to dive into the dark waters below tugged at your heart like a siren’s song, beckoning you to leave behind the pain and sorrow that had plagued you for so long. You longed to feel the icy embrace of the lake envelop you, to lose yourself in its depths and wash away the memories that haunted you every waking moment.

Is this how it feels like to finally let go? 

As you stood on the shore, your toes just inches from the water’s edge, a wave of despair then washed over you, threatening to pull you under like the undertow of a riptide. You thought of Sachiro, your sweet, innocent son, asleep in his bed back in Tokyo, his laughter and smiles serving as an antidote to the pain in your heart.

And then him… 

Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes as you thought of Satoru. Despite the pain he had caused you, it was impossible not to yearn for him still, because his memory was a ghost that haunted you in every waking moment. But you knew that you couldn’t continue to live in the shadow of your past marriage. You had to escape being trapped in a cycle of longing and regret. You owed it to Sachiro to be strong, to find the courage to let go of the man who had once been your everything.

With your empty gaze, the calm lake shimmered in the moonlight like a blanket of liquid silver. You had come to the lake seeking solace, seeking escape from the unbearable pain that gnawed at your heart like a relentless tide. But as tears left your eyes, your emotions threatened to drown you in a sea of despair. 

Without hesitation, you dropped your shawl to the side, shedding yourself off of the cloth with a sense of reckless abandon. The fright of swimming in open water, especially at night, could have you passed out in a matter of seconds, but you paid it no mind as you waded into the water. 

Is this how it feels to finally give up? 

The lake embraced you like an old friend, enfolding you in its cool embrace as you swam out into the darkness. Each stroke brought you closer to the center of the lake, closer to the heart of your pain, and yet you felt strangely at peace, as if the water itself held the key to your salvation. You took time floating on your back, staring up at the stars that glittered like diamonds in the night sky, you felt a sense of clarity wash over you. You knew that your love for Satoru was a burden you could no longer bear.

But more than that, you knew that you couldn’t let your own pain dictate the course of your son’s life. Sachiro deserved better than a mother consumed by sorrow, better than a life overshadowed by the ghosts of the past.

With a deep breath, you let go of the pain that had held you captive for so long. You submerged yourself into the depths of the lake, watching as the night sky vanished beneath the surface like a wisp of smoke in the wind.

In that moment, you felt a sense of freedom unlike anything you had ever known. You just had to stay still. You had to keep yourself underwater, hold your breath until you no longer needed it, and… 

And…

You struggled to breathe, your mind consumed in panic telling you that you would die if you had kept yourself submerged for another minute, but you were adamant on staying there. You fought battles in your own mind, despite your body fighting back to keep you alive. 

At least soon, you would finally meet your mom again. 

“...”

“......”

“....Y/N!” 

“.......Y/N!” 

Feeling your vision blur and your limbs growing limp, you surrendered to the natural sway of the water. Bubbles escaped from your nose, your mouth tightly sealed shut. And the next thing you knew, you were back on the water surface, drawing breath like a fish out of the water. You could feel someone tugging at your arm, could feel the presence of another person dragging you out of the water, his arms pulling you into an embrace. 

“Y/N! What the hell are you thinking?!” 

You sobbed uncontrollably, your heartache pouring out as Satoru cradled you in his arms, his white hair damp from his efforts to rescue you from the water. How and when did he arrive? Your mind couldn’t process the details amidst the turmoil. All you could do was surrender to the flood of tears, feeling paralyzed from head to toe as you cried into his embrace.

Is this another dream? 

Is this another hallucination? 

You released a bitter laugh. Please. You closed your eyes, laughing and crying like a mad person. Please stop the pain. 

“Y/N, please,” his whispers were tender, yet tinged with a sorrow that amplified your heartache. “What about Sachiro?” He, too, shed his own tears, his ocean-blue eyes shimmering in the moonlight as they filled with tears, his voice breaking. “What about me?”

Your face was pressed against his chest, anguish coursing through you, feeling as if your very soul was being torn asunder. “Th-That’s the... the same thing... I’ve been asking myself,” you managed between sobs, struggling to draw a steady breath. “I’m... I’m always th-thinking about other people... and never myself.”

He fell silent, his response lost in the weight of your words, perhaps laden with guilt or his own sorrow. But his presence there, holding you close, as if he still harbored love for you, tore another piece from your already battered heart. He shouldn’t be here. He should have been with Akemi. He should be anywhere but near you. With a surge of adrenaline, you began to push him away, propelling yourself through the water, racing toward the shore despite the weakness in your limbs. Satoru called out your name, his voice a desperate plea, as he followed after you, his movements slower but filled with urgency.

“Stop!” Your voice rose, echoing against the night as you stood on the shore, water cascading from your body in sync with the tears streaming down your face. “L-Leave me alone... Please. Why are you here?”

You knew Satoru well enough to understand what had driven him to chase after you. Perhaps he had grown concerned, either from noticing your absence or from someone informing him of your uncharacteristic nighttime swim. His actions were undoubtedly unusual; he knew all too well of your fear of open water, prompting him to leap into action to rescue you.

But you didn’t need him to be here. You didn’t need him anywhere. He wasn’t yours anymore. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, his voice carrying the weight of confusion and concern, his steps cautious as he approached you. He looked at you with tears in his eyes, his expression vulnerable and pleading, like a child seeking comfort, desperately hoping to be understood, to be heard. “You’re not with Toji anymore.”

“Why should I?” You struggled to compose yourself, wiping away the tears that blurred your vision. “It doesn’t matter—”

“It fucking matters, Y/N!”

“It shouldn’t matter!” Your voice cracked with emotion, your heart pounding painfully against your ribs. “Why should it matter, huh?”

“Because I love you!” His words echoed through the night, raw with emotion that had never been confronted until now. “Because I can’t fucking get over you. Because I’m a fool for you!”

You pushed him away, a surge of anger and hurt rising within you. “H-How dare you,” you choked out, your fists trembling as you struck his chest. “How dare you say that to me when you’re with someone else! You n-never truly loved me, Satoru. Y-You never did!”

“You wanted me to find someone new, Y/N,” his voice cracked with emotion, pained by his own words, “I just did what you asked me to do, even if that wasn’t what I truly wanted.” 

You vehemently denied his assertion in your mind, shaking your head in refusal. “Stop saying that. Just stop. Please.”

He already had his grip on your hand, pulling you closer. “Y/N—”

You jerked your hand away sharply, but then a wave of despair washed over you. “Every time I see you with her, I convince myself that I’m fine with it, that this is what I wanted, what I chose.” Tears welled up in your eyes as you recalled every heartbreak. “I tell myself that I deserve it, that you deserve to be with someone who can make you happier. But then I remember our past…” You paused, closing your eyes to stem the tears. “And then I compare it to your relationship with her now. I can’t help but wonder, why didn’t I receive that kind of love and respect from the beginning? Why did it take me nearly drowning in an ocean for you to realize and try to make things right three years ago?”

His grip on your hand tightened, as if he wanted to hold onto you and never let go, as if he wanted to reassure you with his touch that he was there, listening, understanding, feeling every word you uttered.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice barely audible amidst the crashing waves and the heavy weight of your emotions. “I’m sorry for everything I did wrong, for every moment I failed to show you the love and respect you deserved, Y/N.”

You hated it. You hated hearing his words now, because it was three years all too late. You had already gone through so much suffering, so much anguish that you didn’t deserve, just because you wanted a happy marriage. Just because you wanted to love and be loved. By him. By the person you married. 

“It d-doesn’t change anything,” you murmured, your voice breaking with sorrow. “I can’t undo the pain, the heartache. I can’t erase the memories.”

“I know,” he replied softly, his eyes filled with remorse. “But let’s try again. Let me try again, Y/N. Please.”

You wanted to believe him, to believe that he meant every word, that he was sincere in his intentions. But the wounds of the past were still fresh, and the memories of betrayal were still lingering in your mind.

“You know what hurts me more?” you asked, “It’s the fact that you didn’t lose your memories of me, but you still ended up falling for her,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.

Satoru’s silence felt like a confirmation to you. Perhaps he had indeed fallen in love with Akemi, and you were the obstacle standing in the way of his complete commitment to her. You were just a relic of his past, a piece that he needed to discard in order to embrace his future with Akemi. It seemed that fate had already decided that you and Satoru would never find happiness together, and this should serve as nothing more than a closure. 

But god be damned, it was tearing you apart. 

You tugged at the necklace around your neck, the pendant bearing half of his heart, and in your trembling hand, you ripped it off. As painful as it was, your next action was to hurl it into the darkness of the lake, discarding the last remnant that linked him to you, watching as it disappeared beneath the surface of the lake with a soft splash.

You know the difference between us, Satoru? You thought silently. I dove into the ocean just to find our wedding ring, but you would never plunge into that lake to retrieve that necklace.

With determined steps, you turned away before he could react, walking away from that place, walking away from him. You resolved that this would be your final encounter with Satoru Gojou in your lifetime, because there was no need for him in your life, just as he no longer needed you in his. You two would remain in the past, a memory best left behind.

This was you letting him go. 

But then, just as you were about to walk away, you heard a faint noise from the darkness behind you—a splash, followed by the sound of another frantic splashing.

Your heart pounded heavily in your chest. You turned back toward the lake, your eyes widening in shock as you saw Satoru thrashing in the water, his arms flailing as he searched desperately for the necklace you had thrown away.

“Satoru, you idiot!” you cried out, your voice filled with disbelief and concern and pain and overwhelming heartache. Without a second thought, you ran back to the cold water, your feet sinking into the soft sand as you waded into the lake. “Satoru, what are you doing?!” you called out again, your heart racing as you reached out to him, your fingers brushing against his arm as he struggled to stay afloat.

“I have to find it,” Satoru gasped, his voice strained with exertion. “I have to find the necklace you threw.”

Your breath caught in your throat as you looked into his eyes, seeing the desperation and determination that burned within them. You knew then that you couldn’t let him risk his life for a piece of jewelry, no matter how sentimental it may be.

“Satoru, please,” you pleaded, your voice trembling with emotion. “It’s not worth it. Let it go—”

But Satoru shook his head, his gaze fixed on the dark waters below. “I have to find it," he insisted, his eyes tearful. “It’s my heart. I gave it to you.”

 I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. 

The tension between you crackled like electricity in the air. In that moment, all of your walls came crashing down, your heart laid bare before the man you had once loved with all your soul.

With tears streaming down your cheeks, you reached out and pulled Satoru into your arms, your lips meeting his in a desperate, longing kiss. It was a kiss filled with years of pent-up emotion, a bittersweet union of love and pain that left you both breathless and raw. Your lips moved together in a tender dance, each kiss a silent plea for forgiveness, for understanding, for a second chance at the love you had lost. It was a kiss that spoke of regrets and what-ifs, of dreams left unfulfilled and promises broken.

For years, you had been strangers, your hearts closed off to each other in an attempt to shield yourselves from the pain of your past. But in that moment, as you clung to each other in the darkness, you couldn’t deny the truth that still lingered between you—that your love for each other had never truly died.

As you finally pulled apart, gasping for air, you looked into Satoru’s eyes, seeing the depth of his pain mirrored in your own. “I hate you,” you whispered, your voice laced with grief and surrender, "so much."

Satoru reached out and brushed a tear from your cheek, his touch gentle and tender. “I hate me, too,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion, his eyes shining with guilt, “for hurting you.”

You couldn’t erase the past, nor could you predict the future. But as you stood together in the middle of the lake, your hearts entwined once more, you found solace in the simple act of being together, of sharing your pain and your love in the darkness of the night. And as you held each other tight, the gravity of your connection pulled you to kiss him again. 

Once more, you met his lips in a deeper kiss. His lips moved in perfect sync with yours, and the taste of his tongue was met with the familiarity you two shared. It was as if your bodies were moving on its own, and you allowed it to dictate whatever action it desired. Forget everything for now, was all you could think of in your head. In your mind, it was all Satoru. It was the man you love. The man you married. The man you share a child with. 

You were too engrossed with the feeling of his lips that you didn’t even realize he had your legs wrapped around his waist. And with your arms around his neck, you could feel him lift you up, never breaking the kiss as he carried you out of the lake. With each step he took, your kiss only got deeper and deeper. You had never felt such intensity throughout your marriage, and you were intoxicated by the feeling of kissing him again. 

Of feeling his lips around your jawline. Your neck. Your chest. You were gasping on his mouth, had his lips completely enveloped with yours, not realizing you were stumbling inside your cabin, desperate to find somewhere to lay on. 

And before you knew it, the night had played way differently than expected.

Both your wet clothes were on the floor in a tangle of fabric, forgotten in the heat of your passion. And now, with your bare body on top of him. His arms caressed the smooth skin of your back, his lips feathering kisses along your bust. As you moved your hips slowly, you couldn’t stop the moan that escaped your lips. Satoru’s member was warm inside you. Your bodies were tingling from the intensity of your lovemaking in the dimly lit room. And when you pulled away, your eyes were locked in a silent exchange of yearning.

Without a word, Satoru reached out and gently cupped your breast, his touch sending electricity down your spine. You leaned into his touch, your breath coming in shallow gasps as you felt the heat of his body pressing against yours.

Your lips met once more, a tender exploration of each other’s mouths, and he was taking that chance to shift the position you were in. Slowly, almost hesitantly, he began to enter you again. You were whimpering under him, melting into his passionate movements. You have had sex with Satoru multiple times before, but it was never this emotional. It was never this passionate. You could feel the difference with the way he kissed you, with the way he looked at you, with the way he touched you. 

“S-Satoru—!” 

“Mmm… I missed you so fucking much, Y/N.”

And then, finally, you came together in a flurry of hands and lips and skin, your bodies melding into one as you gave yourselves over to the exquisite pleasure of your lovemaking. 

At that exact moment, as you moved together in perfect harmony, you knew that you were home.

— —

When Akemi woke up, she could tell something felt wrong. 

It didn’t help that Satoru was not by her side as she opened her eyes, blinded by the sunlight that peeked through the window. Was he out for a morning run? Or perhaps he was indulging in a leisurely bath? She entertained the idea of joining him, wanting to express her gratitude for his care and support.

Her heart swelled with love for him, despite all the risks and uncertainties. He was her rock, her confidant, her everything. In him, she found solace and strength, and she couldn’t imagine her life without him. Despite the troubles of his past, she felt blessed to have crossed paths with him. She longed for the kind of deep connection and lasting commitment that she saw in others’ marriages, a dream she harbored for her own future. And in Satoru, she saw the perfect partner to share that dream with, to build a family and a life together that she had always yearned for.

Akemi wasn’t ashamed by how smitten she was with him. In fact, she was beginning to have more confidence in her decision to pursue a relationship with him. She just hoped you would understand, that you would eventually let go of the grudge in your heart. At the end of the day, she wasn’t trying to hurt you. She was only trying to pursue her happiness. 

And the exact source of her happiness was someone she endeavored to find that morning. She put on a robe and searched every room in the cabin, calling out for his name, wondering why she couldn’t hear his voice. 

With no response forthcoming, Akemi decided to exit the cabin in search of Satoru. Assuming he had likely been with Suguru all night, she scanned the vicinity, expecting to spot his tall, white-haired figure. Yet, after several minutes of fruitless searching, she couldn’t find him and instead, encountered a hotel staff member. That was when she decided to finally inquire about his whereabouts.

“Excuse me,” she began, halting the staff member’s stride, “Have you seen my boyfriend? He’s tall, with white hair and blue eyes.”

“Ah, Mr. Gojou?” the hotel staff responded, scratching her head as realization dawned. She then gestured toward the last place Akemi wished him to be. “Um, I think he’s in there.”

Akemi’s heart raced as if she had seen a ghost. Her complexion drained of color, her heart pounding in her chest as she realized that the cabin she had been directed to was yours. And in a twist of fate, just as she stood there in shock, the man she loved emerged from the cabin, equally wide-eyed.

“‘Kemi…” he began, frozen in place, “Let’s talk first—”

But she cut him off with a scoff. Her hands trembled with a tumult of emotions—anger, pain, and betrayal—threatening to overwhelm her. She was on the verge of collapse, her mind reeling with questions. Was he going to explain his actions? No, there was only one question that demanded an answer.

“Did you… did you do it?” she asked through gritted teeth, her voice laced with accusation.

Satoru didn’t need to respond. As Akemi pushed the door open, her worst fears were confirmed as she saw you standing behind him, draped in nothing but a blanket. Tears welled in her eyes, and before she could think, her body reacted, her hand connecting with Gojou’s cheek in a resounding slap.

“You never changed!” she cried out, her voice cracking with anguish. “You’re still a cheater!”

Satoru struggled to deflect each fist she hurled at him, but her rage and despair overwhelmed any attempt to reason with her. She was consumed by her pain and the looming betrayal she anticipated, unable to comprehend that her worst fears were coming true before her eyes.

“‘Kemi, please,” Satoru pleaded in vain.

“...Akemi, I'm sorry,” you interjected, your voice heavy with remorse as you wiped your tears. “It’s not his fault. It’s mine.”

Upon hearing your words, Akemi erupted. She disregarded your friendship, cast aside your shared memories, and denied that she had ever considered you a friend. Her tear-filled eyes bore into you with accusation. “Y-You,” she began, her voice choking with sobs, “You’re a hypocrite, Y/N!”

You remained silent, absorbing her words.

Akemi pressed on with her onslaught. “You’re a hypocrite! You’ve become the person you despised the most when you were married,” she accused, recalling the anguish you endured during Gojou’s affair. “You’re no better than Sera! And that’s why you’re miserable, and you’ll forever be miserable! If this is your way of getting back at me,” she paused, betrayed by the anguish in her voice, “Then jokes on you, because Satoru will never be faithful to you. He’ll keep cheating on you, just like he did now with me! You two belong in that cycle!”

She fled before she could hear your response, but Satoru’s whispered apology lingered in the air, unclear of who its intended recipient was. At that moment, she didn’t care anymore. She raced back to her cabin, tears streaming down her face as she hastily packed her belongings.

She moved mechanically, tossing her belongings into her luggage while grappling with the overwhelming pain of his infidelity. Try as she might to focus on the task at hand, her tears flowed freely, and she surrendered to her grief, cradling her face in her hands.

Amidst her anguish, she couldn’t ignore the escalating pain in her pelvic region, a physical echo of the agony in her heart. Each sob seemed to intensify both sensations, leaving her feeling utterly shattered.

With that confrontation, Satoru faced a pivotal choice: to stay with you or to pursue Akemi. 

While Akemi had anticipated that he might choose you, she was taken aback when she swung the door open,

bags in hand, 

only to find Satoru Gojou standing on her doorstep.

[multi-fandom-imagine]

•EVEN MORE THE BLUE EYE SAMURAI INCORRECT QUOTES•

Reader: Do you ever do anything except whine like a little bitch.

Taigen: Some times I whine like a big Bitch!

Ringo: Do you think when Butterflies are in love that they feel human's in their stomach?

Reader: Ringo! What the fuck!

Reader: • • •_-• - / ... - •_• •_• -.-

Mizu: What is that

Reader: Remorse Code.

Mizu: I am even angery now.

Reader: Hey Mizu, what are you eating?

Mizu: A family sized bag of sweets.

Reader...that's not family sized....that's regular sized....

Mizu:Everything is family sized when you dont have a family.

Reader: *whispering* Mizu...nOo

Reader: *Laying in bed* Do you think birds get sad for not having arms?

Mizu: Well do you get sad for not having wings?

Reader: *Choke up* Every single day.

Taigen: If I say I love you will you say it back?

Reader: Yes

Taigen: I love you

Reader: It back

*Five Minutes later*

Mizu: Why is Taigen sobbing face down on the floor?

Reader: I wish I could block people in real life.

Akemi: Restraining order

Mizu: Murder

Reader: What are you five?

Taigen: Yea! Five head's taller than you.

Reader:

Taigen:

Reader:

Taigen:....Please don't kill me.

Mizu: Are you high?

Reader: Am I what?

Mizu: High?

Reader: Hello.

Taigen: Can you be quiet?! I'm trying to think.

Reader: Don't worry. Doing anything for the first time is difficult.

Mizu: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Reader: It was me...

Mizu: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

Reader: Why are you on the floor?

Mizu: I’m depressed.

Mizu: Also I was stabbed, can you get Ringo, please

Taigen: I guess I’m just a bad person.

Reader: Nah, you’re not a bad person. You’re a terrific person. You’re my favourite person. But sometimes you can be a real cunt

Reader: Hey Mizu?

Mizu, internally: There they are. My favorite person in the world, the love of my life. Fuck I just want to stare at them and hold them and kiss them for the rest of my life—

Mizu: What the FUCK do you want?

Akemi staring at Reader: “You look like an angel.”

Reader who wasn’t paying attention: “What?”

Akemi: “I said you look ugly at every angle.”

Mizu *screeching*: YOU MEAN A LOT TO ME!

Reader: wh-

Mizu: YOU’RE ESSENTIAL TO MY EXISTENCE!

Reader:why are you screaming??

Mizu: BECAUSE I HAVE TROUBLE EXPRESSING MYSELF! IT HELPS TO YELL SENTIMENTAL THINGS IN AN AGRESSIVE TONE!

Reader: I-

Mizu: I FUCKING LOVE YOU!

Ringo: Wow, it’s a barren featureless wasteland out there isn’t it?

Reader: … Ringo, try turning the map around.

Reader: You’re mad at me.

Mizu: I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.

Reader: Oh, come on. Everyone knows that’s worse

Mizu: Don’t worry, you’ve got everything you need to defeat them.

Reader: The power to believe in myself?

Mizu: No, a Sword.

Mizu: Stab them.

Reader: Don’t kill me, I have a wife

Assassin: I don’t care about that

Reader: That wasn’t a plea for mercy, that was a warning

Mizu kicking the door down: You called, love?

Reader: Here you are, Mizu. Nice hot cup of tea.

Mizu: …It’s cold.

Reader: Nice cup of tea.

Mizu: It’s horrible.

Reader: Cup of tea.

Mizu: I’m not even sure it is tea.

Reader: Cup.

Reader: You need to react when people cry.

Mizu: I did, I rolled my eyes.

Reader: Gotta love knitting needles, I can make a scarf, I can make a hat, I can stab someones eyes out, I can make mittens.

Akemi: What was that middle part?

Reader: I can make a hat?

Mizu: How much sleep did you get?

Reader: Eight.

Mizu: Hours?

Reader: Minutes. God! Taigen, would you shut the fuck up?

Taigen*Fixing his hair*: What the fuck? I didn’t even say anything!

Taigen: how come you’ve been abnormally nice to me lately?

Reader what do you mean?

Taigen: you just seem nicer than usual

Mizu: They can punch you in the face if you want.

Fowler: I could kill you if I wanted.

Reader: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

Akemi: Did you really have to stab him?

Reader: You weren't there, you didn't hear what he said to me.

Akemi: And what did he say?

Reader: "What are you gonna do? Stab me?"

Mizu, nodding: That's fair.

Akemi: NO!

Reader: *Screams*

Taigen: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Ringo: Should we do something?

Mizu: No, I want to see who wins.

Ringo:Let's speak about our talents.

Ringo:...I'll start, I like to cook.

Akemi: I'm good at languages.

Reader: I'm good instruments.

Mizu: I'm good at killing people.

Reader: *Does something stupid*

Mizu: What an absolute fucking idiot.

Mizu: I can't believe I would die for them.

[mizusnose]

My home in your arms

Completely inspired by these lyrics by the last dinner party “And you can hold me like he held her and i will fuck you like nothing matters”... :))))))))

Mizu caught your eye as the music heightened and the dim of the Halloween lights revealed the tear stains on your face. You hurried, a dizzying and humiliating thing that was smeared away the moment Mizu caught up to you. Through the mess of people dancing together, the low ceiling of the living room made you feel even more trapped.

“What’s wrong.”

And then all of a suddent, she’s there, pressed against your side, the edges of your elbow and the thick of your arms touch her own.. You look at her: the dark of her hair and the ridges of her nose and the meeting of her eyebrows on soft forehead skin.

“We have to go”

When “I” turned to “We”, you do not know, but you find that you don’t mind. Mizu nods, resolute and steady. She holds your hand and leads you through raspberry vape smoke, the smell of liquor, and the crash of someone’s vases. Outside, you finally feel reprise. A singular low groan from your throat into the frost Halloween night air grounds you a bit.

Still holding your hand, Mizu leads you to your car, the same one you and Taigen had taken to get to the party at the beginning of the night. The beginning of the night…Before you’d seen him with Akemi pressed together in the dark of a bedroom.

“I can’t–I..no..no, no.”

You know you’re not making sense, and that the shaking of your hands isn’t helping Mizu understand the situation any better, but you can’t stop.

“Okay okay.”

Mizu leads you away from the cursed car, and instead to the edge of the lawn, a smattering of red fallen leaves sticking to her doc martens as she holds you suddenly.

“It’s okay.”

You hear hoots and whistling a bit away, but it’s quickly silenced when Mizu left her head from yours.

“Let’s get out of here okay? I brought my bike.”

You nod silently, not quite sure how Mizu managed to get your hands to stop shaking so suddenly. Instead of questioning it, you follow Mizu’s leather clad jacket to the bike that you had once described as the thing that would take Mizu away from you forever. Now, it seems like its the forever you’ve been dreaming about.

The ride is a whizzing smear of the nighttime campus and bits of the surrounding sleepy town theyir college is located in. By the time they make it to Mizu’s shabby apartment, the hair on your arms are standing and Mizu’s shart hair is mussed and staticky.

The inside of Mizu’s apartment is the same. Minimal, neat, and barely any food on the countertops where you know there usually would be some. You consider it a bit longer than necessary, and stop inside the entrance.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for?” Mizu steps to you, her big clunky shoes creates an echo and you look up to her–all of her. Her jet black hair, and smudged eyeliner, and blue eyes, and smal nose, and wet mouth. Her concern a written thing over her entire face.

“You wanted someone, someone else, to come back with you tonight.” You state, gesturing to the countertops and clean living room and the small bed that housed all of Mizu.

“Doesn’t matter.” Mizu says decisively. She leans forwards, connects the skin of her forehead to yours, and chuckles, “It doesn’t matter. Because you’re sad, and I love you, so it doesn’t matter, okay?”

You nods despite the confusion in your mind, the thud in your chest like wild geese in the sky. The soft animal of you growls suddenly, somewhere deep and primal inside you. A gutted feeling that leaves you sick and sullen.

“I-I didn’t know that he was cheating on me.” You say, a simple non-sequitor that has Mizu fisting your shirt. It’s thin, so her whitened knucles brush the sides of your ribs and your stomach, “If I did, I wouldn’t have come out with him tonight. Would’ve watched movies or went to yours, or well–I mean, you were out too so I guess–”

“Whatever I’m doing deserves to be interrupted by you.” Mizu says. A devastating silence follows, and you frown, your eyes well, and you feel hot rage and sadness swell inside you.

“Taigen, he–” You start, before Mizu brings your skull forward to the crook of her neck, “He didn’t know, but he thought and I just always said–”

“What?” Mizu said, unsteady in the hold she had you in.

“He always said you liked me. He always was jealous. And I always had to tell him–convince him that it wasn’t–that you wouldn’t–”

“No.” Mizu interrupts, holding you to her more closely now, “No.”

“You didn’t though, or at least, I didn’t think you did. But now–now..”

Mizu pulled away then. A startled horse. She faced you head on, a stallion in the wild, ready to dash with one wrong move, one wrong word.

“You do.” You said, awestruck. Mizu’s face went through emotions so quickly that you couldn’t pin one down before the next started. Anger, then fear, then rage, then love, then sadness, a desperate other thing that wasn’t yet known.

“I didn’t–”

“He always said you–he just..” You knew you weren’t making any sense, and yet, the dawn of realization rose inside you. A burning edge of sun spots and summer breeze and red dying leaves. You looked down at the mud and crimson on Mizu’s heel. You laughed, a quiet deadly thing, “You want me? You do? You want me?”

And then, and all at once Mizu looked at you, and stepped forward, and kissed you.

A simple kiss was what you were expected, but when you stepped back with the force of Mizu, her hands around you and her mouth on yours, you felt the tip of her tongue. An invitation, perhaps. Or worse yet, a demand, one that had been left dormant and silent in its wake, only overpowered by the self-control of a girl who wanted another girl who dated a man.

When the kiss broke, you tasted the cinammon mint of Mizu’s tongue. The same flavor you had tasted years ago, at the beginning of Freshman year when you both didn’t know how to kiss yet and so Mizu offered and you said yes, and—

“I want you”

And then they were kissing again, and you found yourself following along. Riding with the rythym of Mizu’s touches. Her hot hands up the back of your shirt, all the way to you neck and your bra, and then your skin when she unclasped the strap of the bra you had on.

“I do. All of you.” Mizu growled, pushed away for only a moment before pulling you along with her to her small twin sized bed. You didn’t know what it meant, except only that you wanted Mizu just as badly as she seemingly wanted you. She kissed you again, and this time, her tongue soothed over the ridge of gun behind your front row of teeth. You squirmed, and she moaned, a deep rolling thing that seeped into your gut.

“I thought, I always thought you didn’t–you couldn’t”

“Wouldn’t what?” Mizu pulled away, the sound of lips disconnecting in the air, “fuck you? Kiss you? Love you?”

You nodded, amazed with the way Mizu looked against the shitty off-white of the wall behind her: framed like the goddess of some ancient tribe, mirrored in the heavens. You whimpered, and felt Mizu’s firm thight pressed against you.

“I would, all of it. Just say so, I will.”

So you did, “Show me, then.”

1/2

———

I’m tipsy, I have work tomorrow (yes i’m an adult with an actual job), and so this will have two parts sowwy 🥺🥲

[pearlsinmyhair]

⚔︎⊹ ࣪ MODERN!MIZU HEADCANONS

i had to write something for her- i was itching. headcanons are always kinda scary for me so i hope you like them

anyways: very light on x reader, with general mentions of mizu having a partner. that being said, no nsfw (for this one).

real quick! : i use she/her pronouns for mizu in this. if this is triggering for you, which i completely understand if it is, then please don’t proceed.

≈ she most definitely owns a cat. mizu is one of those pet owners whose animals reflect their personalities. her cat will tolerate some and scamper away from the rest of those who dare try to pet them. the feline avoids taigen, is chill with akemi, and pretends to hate ringo (she purrs as soon as he walks into her apartment, but she does so with a grumpy face).

≈ surprisingly, the fur baby let you scratch her under her chin when you first came over- which, believe me, mizu noted.

≈ has a butterfly knife.

≈ can do extremely elaborate tricks with it -are we surprised-

≈ one time taigen tried to copy her and it ended with him slicing a finger open and almost flinging the knife into his face.

≈ there’s a blood stain on the rug in mizu’s living room, and whenever taigen brags she’ll just silently point at it to humble his ass.

≈ also has a fish. specifically a beta fish. they’re solitary and will fight others if kept together, and i think mizu would find some kind of kinship with a little angry beta fish.

≈ no, her cat doesn’t try to eat her fish. everyone is convinced that the three beings in the mizu household can read each others minds.

≈ this idea isn’t squashed when you eventually move in, because three simply becomes four, and you all move around each other and communicate perfectly without so much as a look. it’s freaky, and taigen, akemi, and ringo will watch them in silence trying to figure it out.

≈ she wears those giant bermuda-cut jean shorts. akemi hates them, which just makes mizu love them more. she loves seeing her face scrunch up with disgust when they meet up.

≈ gym girlie gym girlie gym girly-

≈ girl’s got a snatched waist, it’s not faaaaiiiirrrr-

≈ definitely has tattoos, and everyone of them is meaningful. there’s a teeny tiny pheonix at the nape of her neck, a dagger on her ankle for swordfather, and a Hokusai wave trailing down her bicep that she gets extended every now and again.

≈ speaking of the wave tattoo, mizu has a deep seated love for the ocean. as in, she’ll never tell anyone outright, but if the group is anywhere near the beach for the day, mizu disappears. they find her via taigen (he has her location under the guise of knowing where to find her body if she gets killed), and she’s waist deep in the waves, just kinda meditating.

≈ she doesn’t get visually cold. like, cmon, sis was wandering around in the snow and sporting a little red nose. she doesn’t complain, doesn’t shiver, and her teeth don’t chatter.

≈ that is, unless you’re close to her.

≈ she’ll allow herself to be babied after putting up a fight (ahem ringo) but a bitch will melt if you fret over her.

≈ factory reset when you try to warm her hands up by cupping them in yours and breathing on them.

≈ taigen will gag if you both show pda, and mizu will threaten death.

≈ this woman has enviable fashion sense. off duty model vibes, even though she’s not trying.

≈ favors baggy clothes, and likes a more androgynous appearance.

≈ that being said, the eyeliner on her slays. just as sharp as her sword, and she’s got ariana grande skills when it comes to applying it.

≈ rbf all the way. most people think she hates them (she does, but she’ll never confirm it) because her default expression is stern.

≈ i think she’d wear rings. all kinds- she likes to twist them when she’s thinking.

≈ if she were to go to college, i feel like she’d pursue some kind of history degree or art history and specify in either japanese military history or traditional art (im projecting-)

i’m actually fighting fear to post these-

[sophswritingthings]

PART 8 MATERIAL

(Back to the present where we're at the brothel and Mizu is about to go kill a girl I forgot abt)

So Mizu is about to leave to go Assassinate the girl and had Akemi tied up leaving behind Ringo and the Reader. Reader tells Ringo to keep an eye on Akemi while reader goes to go find herbs to refill on medicinal stuff and runs into an old friend. More like frenemy if you will.

The frenemy is from her childhood and the frenemy starts go taunt reader for her horrible childhood and reader being a mature doctor she is, she leaves the frenemy behind and goes to another shoo for herbs but the frenemy is really persistent like she's inlove with the reader. (Probs is ngl)

Then reader somehow slips that she has a husband and frenemy goes like "I could probably have him second's." in a very condescending tone and reader gives her a warning by throwing one of her signature poisoned Kunai near her and pinning her against the wall before saying something along the line like "You couldn't have jack shit." before purposely prying the Kunai out of the wall and slightly slicing her cheek. Knowing the Kunai was poisoned.

Reader goes back to the brothel and finds Mizu and Ringo talking to Akemi (more like listening to her threaten Mizu) and reader ofc gets pissed and throws a very sharp hair pin near her head and again warns her about threatening her husband (wife 🤨).

Mostly abt reader and her temper because it's all I can cook up for part 8 😊😊😊😊

pairing: mizu x fem!apothecary!reader

warning(s): swearing, blood, poison yknow the usual shit

a/n: reader said “bitch you couldn’t have my man if you tried” and honestly I love that for her!

summary: you run into an old “frenemy” and you two have a little chat while you’re out.

word count: 815 words / 4,354 characters 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“keep an eye on her,” mizu gestures toward the tied up akemi; hauling herself to her feet. she flips her hat onto her head, sliding open the door. “I’ll be back soon.”

“husband,” akemi scoffs. “why.. him?”

“simply because I love him,” you raise to your feet, standing over akemi with your eyes narrowed. “is that not reason enough?”

“where I come from—no,” akemi shifts her gaze downward. “it isn’t.”

“hm,” you hum, glancing at ringo. “ringo—keep an eye on her, yeah?”

ringo nods, “I’ll keep close watch.” he smiles.

you smile back at him, “and don’t listen to what mizu says. you don’t have to kill her if she moves,” you chuckle, partly because of how rash your wife could be at times. “just make sure she doesn’t do anything.. stupid.”

you grab your basket and head out the same sliding door mizu had left from, not long ago. you slide it shut behind you, walking past the women of the brothel and out the door.

you spot a shop, down the street. an herbalist is exactly what you needed to restock the medicines you took for travel.

with a smile, you head toward the shop, the bell ringing as you push open the door.

heads flip onto you for just a moment—and when they see it is no-one of interest—go back to what they’re doing.

“excuse me?” you approach the counter, “do you happen to have shisho? I am in need of it.”

they man working behind the counter, looking lazy as ever, nods and disappears into the back of the shop. he never looked at you once, never spoke.

it wasn’t how you ran your shop, but if he got you what you wanted, it didn’t matter.

“oh. how nice it is to see you here,” a voice, a weirdly—familiar—voice piped up from behind you. you turn to see who it is, and your eyes immediately narrow. “oh, what, you didn’t miss me?”

“I didn’t happen to,” you hiss, turning back to face the counter.

“well.. based on what you did, I haven’t missed you quite a lot, either.” their eyes narrow, “running my fiancé out of the house, killing your own siblings! and your poor mother had to take it all because you were a little pussy and couldn’t handle it yourself.”

you’re nails were digging into the counter, the anger bubbling up inside you. It was like an erupting volcano, at this point, one you thought was bound to burst any minute. 

you sigh, receiving your herbs and paying for what the shopkeeper was owed. without a word, you slip out of the herbalists shop and start down the street.

you weren’t picking a fight with someone you didn’t need to; mizu would probably be pissed if you got hurt, somehow.

“are you too afraid to talk to me?” they laugh, striking up behind you.

“I am not afraid of you. I just don’t want to pick a fight with some prick if I don’t have to,” you narrow your eyes. “and lay a hand on me, and my husband will have you dead in seconds.”

you smirk a little, feeling confident of mizu’s protection.

“husband?” they scoff. than a devilish smirk crosses their lips, “I’m sure I could have him in seconds if I tried.”

finally having enough, you grab one of your poisoned kunai’s and tossing it toward their waist. it nipped their clothes, pinning them to the wall of a shop.

“you couldn’t have jack-shit,” you grumble,  gazing at them with fire in your eyes. 

“hmph,” they scoff, smirking. “my, what a temper. you’re the same as your father; I doubt this mystery “husband” of yours won’t stay for long.”

the comment made your heart drop.

just.. like your father..

being compared to that abusive asshole made your blood boil.

“I am nothing like my father,” you remove the kunai from her clothes, stabbing it near her head. “and I never will be.”

gently, as if not to cut too deep, you drag the kunai against her cheek. she squirms and groans in pain, the poison dripping into the cut.

you knew it was poisoned; a strong poison. It wouldn’t take long for it to set in.

you slip the kunai back into your kimono, and stride off. you make your way back to the brothel, greeting the women at the doors with bows and soft smiles.

after doing so, you make your way to mizu and ringo, settling down beside your wife on the floor.

all you could hear was a princess threatening your husband.

you quickly slid the wave motif hairpin out of your hair, launching the pin at the princesses head. 

akemi gasps, her eyes wide and her breathing heavy.

“don’t,” you raise a finger at her. ringo hands you your pin back, “talk about my husband ever again, do you hear me?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: mizu gifs killin’ me again 😭😭

[kisses4mizu]

y’know I respect a fan’s choice about how they want to view mizu but tiny ramble about it here. this isn’t any sort of discussion or ‘matter of fact’ essay, just a simple rant about headcannons about her being TRANS and her SEXUALITY.

Warning: extremely long.

Given the numerous limitations that would arise from traveling as a woman, I find it very difficult to understand why some people believe Mizu is transgender when it's obvious that she is hiding this information in order to survive. This was particularly true during the Edo period, when women were dehumanized and treated like objects because we only ever see them as a slave or working in a brothel (majority of the show at least). They were also seen having to depend on men for nearly everything, as demonstrated in the episode where the mother and daughter were left outside to freeze to death since her husband was not present to accompany them. Along with that subtle hints were presented to us that show how comfortable she is when in touch with her femininity like a few moments in the episode where she came back to Swords-father Eiji’s hut. Though, I can definitely see why people would label her as transmasc with the theory that she must’ve grown so accustomed to this sort of lifestyle, she’d perhaps just become transmasc in the later episodes. We’ll never know!

Next, not gonna lie, I’m insanely guilty of viewing Mizu as a bisexual women despite feeling that she is leaning more toward heterosexuality in terms of her sexuality. I have the biggest fattest crush on her so I have no problem stating how much I'm crying and wailing over this. Like c’mon, let's be real, I guarantee that 98% of simps are female, and I’m sure every single one of us has mentioned once that we can all treat her better than Mikio and Taigen. Speaking of Taigen, I HAVE to admit that him and Mizu do have the best chemistry compared to everyone in the show. It’s clear in the way she pulls him away from those shooting arrows, knocks him out becahse she fears for his safety if he follows, saving him from Fowler's castle even though she could have easily just left him to die and slain Fowler, etc. At first, I would’ve assumed she’d have trauma with men especially after Mikio’s betrayal which might’ve led her to stray away from any romantic attraction with men—or anybody in general. Honestly, I have dedicated my time to search for ANY hint (ok not rlly) that she might be attracted to women, but the only time I ever see her become flustered by one is when she appears to be taken aback by the prostitues she tried to ask for directions to the Shindo Dojo. Plus, there were only two occasions where she interacted with Akemi that people use to automatically ship them which is when she saw Akemi in her carriage (not sure of the specific name) and pinned her down in Madame Kaji's brothel. I can’t imagine them as a couple in later episodes, something I’m been dying to see. Though, it’s hard to determine what was running in her mind during the scene where they both stole glances at each other, especially since there was no sort of indication in her inner thoughts or emotions, so it’s normal to assume the above as well. (Despite that, I’m still rooting for AT LEAST bisexual Mizu because for the love of god and for the sake of all of the gay women here, PLEASE. /j)

I may make jokes about these headcannons like playfully hating on the TaiMizu ships. All in all, I’m sure the fans are mature enough to understand that these are meant to be lighthearted jokes and that people interpret a character and show in various ways and it’s normal! Even if I can’t comprehend the theory or feel as though it is a little too complicated/really negotiable, remember to support what you want, ship what you want, make whatever headcannons, nobody’s stopping you! Don’t be too afraid to just announce what you feel about the show. All I ask is to avoid SERIOUSLY cancelling someone just because of their own feelings and opinions. In the end, they’re stilll fictional characters (😞😞) who have no sort of physical form of any sort so do whatever, as long as it isn’t really THAT problematic in a sense (e.g. romanticising rape), go for it.

(Sorry for bringing her sexuality into this, I’m aware of how the show is definitely not centering on this and not every single thing has to be LGBTQ-related but I noice it’s something constantly brought up in the fandom. As someone whose phrasing and essay writing skills suck, I’m still learning bit by bit about how the world works in terms of differing views on things. I may not support your idea of a character but I RESPECT it! If I came off as rude, I’m sorry, remember it’s just my random midnight thoughts🙏)

[vile-bestia]

why mizu is, in fact, not cis

Everyone is very angry at everyone about how to see or not see Mizu’s identity; being unable to shut up, and having fixated on the show a bit, i’m excited to finally join my first to-the-death-tumblr-discourse-battle.

I'm going to use mostly he/him for Mizu, but please read the premise below. Read the colored strings of text 😭

The main argument for Mizu being a woman is that which has as its basis the fact that cross-dressing is for Mizu an external need: for one, it is a need for protection from patriarchal bonds; secondly, it is a need for independence - Akemi’s story is one of independence as well, of feminine independence, and we have more than one woman pursuing such thing; we could go on with an analysis of brothels as a feminine space, but, alas - and thirdly, it is a need of obligation: Mizu needs to maintain the masculine identity in order to attain the object of his vow. 

I find, however, that while the argument stands as perfectly sound (and as canon) it isn’t exhaustive enough of the layered experience of gender in BES.

The trans coding is simply undeniable to me, whether it was intentional or not. I do not mean to say that Mizu is a binary trans man; that would be an approach as reductionist as confirming she is exclusively a woman. However, I find that some behaviours of Mizu’s are coded as dysphoric reactions.

Most of my justifications for this reasoning come from episodes 2, 5 and 8.

In episode 2,

Ringo is vowing to never reveal Mizu’s secret: “I’ll never tell anybody you’re a g-“; and as soon as he’s about to say girl, Mizu is just as ready to slice his throat. Mizu being worried about someone else hearing or witnessing the interaction doesn’t seem completely plausible to me: they’re alone in snowy woods, and, most likely, Mizu wouldn’t have confirmed time and again how readily he’d kill Ringo. 

Then comes episode 5,

which is in my opinion the most layered and the most exhaustive in regards to Mizu’s experience of gender, especially regarding his experience of the feminine. First and foremost, it tells the ultimate teaching: that gender isn’t but a performance, just as the gender roles are portrayed through theatre in the episode. As for the dysphoric reaction, it's the whole thing. Mizu is miserable even when we suppose that the marriage could be a relatively happy time. That's another reason why I suppose the puppet theatre tells Mizu's internal sense of self as well (see paragraph 4).

(And, about gender being performative, see how kabuki theatre was born in the Edo period and how, before being banned from acting, women cross-dressed to play male characters, and men cross-dressed to play female characters. See “professional transvestites” trained to be prostitutes, Kagema being trained from a young age to „act" like members of the other sex; see how by the beginning of the 18th century AFAB sex workers would try to figure out a way to set themselves apart from wakashu, creating an entirely new space for female crossdressers in the adult entertainment sphere; see ukiyo-e representations - chigo monogatari and yukiyo-zoshi literature; stories by Ihara Saikaku that are full of "transgender behaviours" and more)

Back to ep 5:

1. Theme of performance

The theme of performance, which also is the one of Mizu performing femininity for Mikio (in function of the well-being of Mizu’s mother), but being at once unable to suppress masculinity as the only space in which Mizu seems to be comfortable: e.g., it’s a little detail, but Mizu’s only good in the kitchen when cutting vegetables, because comfortable with blades, certainly not with cooking; again Mizu having to perform femininity is when he does makeup to “make-up”, to soften Mikio’s spirit, who feels invalidated by Mizu’s masculinity when it starts to interfere with his pride, and such other details; I even thought of the sword as a symbol for “learned” masculinity: the first time this thought occurred was when it was characterized by sensuality in the scene where the spouses spar: “Unsheathe it. Let me see your blade;” and I interpreted it as masculinity being the only space that allows intimacy as well; then comes the time where Mizu learns he does not need a sword to fight, meaning to me that she can embody masculinity without having to prove it to others. And then comes the reforging of the sword’s meteorite to include “impurities”, and the rite that Mizu performs. I assume that “a sword too pure” is the symbol of, again, learned hypermasculinity to appease patriarchal expectations, and is too pure because it’s Mizu rejecting part of himself, trying to exclude all “impurities”, whether they are being half white, or being half woman. Taigen himself is the one to tell Mizu he can fight without a sword (ep 7, but done in ep 3 or 4 and ep 6 already), and then the situation starts to bear sexual tension, which I directly link to the sensual connotation of the sparring cited earlier up. Possibly, this particular situation could also mean acceptance of Mizu's lack of a native "sword".

2. Gender roles

But a more sound consideration is (i would like to hope so) the one about the whole marriage being told through puppets, and the puppets themselves. While they are different characters, first of all we see an inversion of gender in the roles: at first Mizu is the Ronin because he performs a masculine role of protection, an “active” role; then, Mizu’s role is reversed in function of his marriage. We see Mizu surrendering (forcibly, being manipulated) to femininity as soon as his mother guilt-trips him into marrying, and the ronin puppet assumes a submissive pose, long before the role reversal.

3. A note:

it yet does not seem to me like the role reversal is, so to say, complete: even after the reversal, the narrator tells details about the ronin that are actually details about Mizu, e.g. when the two marry, and despite the positions of the puppets match the ones of the spouses, it is said that the ronin's loyalty is no more turned towards his "path of revenge," (Mizu's) "but to his bride" - in the perspective explained below, perhaps Mizu's own femininity. Also, i find Mizu might perceive Mikio as the bride, and himself as the husband - as an argument it can't stand alone, or it would bare no strength, but I will use it in correlation with the other points made, until now and later, to argue that Mizu thinks of himself as a guy.

4. Performance of Mizu's sides, assimilable to when she has the vision of killing his white side, shortly before facing the four fangs or whatever their name was

This, and one more tiny detail, bring me to think that not only do we talk about external roles, but about Mizu’s self-perception. I'm referring to when it is said that “for the first time in many years, the ronin felt the storm rage inside him.” The storm is a symbol belonging to Mizu (literally it occurs in the first 2 minutes of the episode), and it is explicit that it isn’t something that happens for the first time, but rather returns. By this point, the gender roles were reversed, and yet it seems to me like it isn’t anymore about the marriage itself, but rather about Mizu’s hatred for and slaughtering of his own femininity, and, of course, the experience of betrayal; with his family (especially his mother, see below), and with his femininity, which wasn’t enough to keep him comfortable or Mikio on his side. (...betrayal which is also about mizu himself betraying akemi, i'd add. Mizu is justified here, but it's important to note the parallels between the two timelines i guess?)

5. That random ass baby

There is, at a certain point, a situation of peace, which I think is represented when one of the puppets is holding a blue baby (supposedly a little ronin) in its arms. I want to suppose that the baby represents newborn love between Mizu and Mikio, before it all fell apart. But the love itself is a masculine love, as we see that it is based on masculine exchanges (fighting, doing fieldwork, taming horses, riding together, whatever) and, it seems to me, assimilable to homosexuality between samurai, which was widespread (insert something about Taigen here). Also Mikio wanted to marry a bro lmao. Aside from that, on the level of Mizu’s self-perception, it might represent comfortableness, a sort of congruence, or, rather, a compromise, that Mizu is able to live in, between natural masculinity and performed femininity - opening up to show vulnerability, love fragile as a creature that cannot defend itself, innocent, naive, trusting. 

6. About Mizu’s mother.

The puppet used for Mizu’s mother before the role reversal is the same that is supposedly used for Mizu after, but I latch onto a detail: the pattern on the puppet’s kimono is the same as the (real life) Mother’s kimono (see for example minute 12:30). I support this by noting the more obvious parallel between the blue worn by Mizu and the blue of the Ronin puppet, but at the same time I'm forced to note that after a certain point the mother has her own puppet. In any case, I see the mother and the feminine puppet wearing the same kimono as being about femininity, and about the mother’s betrayal of her child, rather than about Mizu herself. For one, manipulating him into marrying and abandoning the vow. But also we learn (ep 8) that the woman isn’t Mizu’s mother at all. One could discuss the reliability of Fowler’s statement, but I feel there are more clues regarding the mother’s betrayal: the episode starts with the Ronin, who feels the storm rage inside him at the killing of his lord (Mizu’s actual mother, perhaps) by the hands of a clan whose crest was the Phoenix (which I suppose are the white men, and the curse of whiteness for Mizu). I’ve thought about the four white men dealing guns (Fowler), flesh, opium (and I’m not sure what role “Violet” has in this, but I think they're the opium dealer), and thought that if Mizu’s “mother” was a substitute, the opium she smokes could point to Mizu’s potential father, perhaps even at the surrogate mother keeping contact, and at the surrogate’s betrayal at the same time. But it’s also true I watched the show while stoned, so I would dismiss this.

7. Onryo (note: characteristic in kabuki)

When the birth of the vengeful spirit occurs, I see very well how plausible it is to say that, actually, the rage that Mizu feels is feminine rage, and I agree with that. Mizu’s femininity is his rage, it is heavily related to the mother-daughter relationship, despite the fact that at a certain point the mother has her own puppet. At the same time, however, it is to me the result of the slaughtering of the performed femininity needed to respect the obligation (we remember the wedding was also to ensure the “surrogate” mother safety, especially financial, as well as to keep Mizu bound), just as accepting you’re able to fight with any tool puts an end to the compensatory movement by which you’re trying to prove masculinity to an observer (which, say, Taigen does as well, wanting to prove to Mizu he can beat him - plus, Taigen himself is the one to reassure Mizu on the complete unimportance of it, see how I read the sword symbol a few paragraphs earlier).

In this perspective, the "dye washing away from her kimono" to me means two things: that being what he is is inevitable, and that the feminine rage sets in; Mizu tries to make up for being a "demon", but in the end rejects the obligation towards his husband, and towards her mother; the pattern is not the same anymore, and Mizu is somehow more like his own person, returning on the path of vengeance, strengthened by the feminine, as the reforged sword will be strengthened by the very ritualistic yaki-ire.

--

Episode 8,

I feel, speaks instead for itself,  for the dysphoric reaction is to me extremely clear. Reacting that way to being called a Miss is not a cisgender reaction. You’ll tell me: it’s not a dysphoric reaction! It’s a reaction of disgust to being fetishized for being a woman! And that’s plausible, supported by the “you just keep getting better,” with clear sexual implication, except I think that is also a fundamental trans experience and one cannot limit the way they read the scene to an exclusively feminine experience.

In conclusion,

I don’t think it might be all boiled down Mizu being a masc woman, because of the trans coding. Mizu thinks of himself as a guy. If not a guy, not a woman either. You’ll tell me: “Of course she does, because she’s grown up that way; she was forced to sustain the lie to preserve her life! It's a matter of conditioning!” And while it is true that the initial context points towards crossdressing, and not inherent feelings of gender non conformity or transgenderism, I feel that if Mizu really felt like a woman, he wouldn’t have such exaggerated reactions, and I don’t think they come from his temperament either. And it is disproved that conditioning someone to have a different sexuality or gender identity works in any way - I doubt Edo period Japan or a particular protagonist would make an exception. "But Mizu herself tells Mikio she didn't want to be a man, she had to be one!" Yes, because it is true. But it points to crossdressing. If it were aimed to explain the whole of Mizu's experience of gender in her self, it would invalidate the entirety of episode 5.

In any case, even in situations where he couldn’t be discovered, Mizu does not allow feminine terms or titles, or tries as best to stop them from happening; plus, it’s rather obvious how difficult the relationship with his body is. 

While, once again, reading Mizu as a binary trans man is not enough, I feel like reading him as cisgender isn’t, either. As if, in any case, the feminine experience and the transmasculine one didn’t overlap in many aspects, also during the most tumultuous parts of transition, if pursued.

What is funniest above all is that the whole discourse is substantially useless. The layers of the show open to an infinite variety of interpretations, none of them fundamentally wrong. Mizu’s just quite literally Mizu. It’s a queer unlabeled thing and that’s it. If you take the Lacanian concept of the Real as the hole, properly uninteligible, surrounded by the Symbolic, you'll find that "Queer" is exquisitely representative of the Real, and therefore every label (the Symbolic) is reductive of the perceived experience (indeed the Real). The fundamental lesson about gender that you can derive from the show is that gender is a performative construct. What it pushes you to do is deconstruct your principles, especially if you are queer, since we are all entrapped in the modern western white need for strict labelling; that’s where this whole debate comes from, and it is, once again, pointless.

So, instead making fun of other people because of a set of pronouns, perhaps it would be better to imagine that more options can cohabit together, or that there is no need to label at all. Also be careful about accusing others of a complete lack of media literacy - you should thoroughly examine yours first.

Interesting articles i guess:

--

Algoso, Teresa A. "'Thoughts on Hermaphroditism': Miyatake Gaikotsu and the Convergence of the Sexes in Taishō Japan." The Journal of Asian Studies 65, no. 3 (2006): 555–573. Algoso, Teresa A. "Not Suitable as a Man? Conscription, Masculinity, and Hermaphroditism in Early Twentieth-Century Japan." Chap. 11 In Recreating Japanese Men, edited by Sabine Frühstück and Anne Walthall. Berkeley: University of California Press, 2011, 241–261. Mostow, Joshua S. “The Gender of Wakashu and the Grammar of Desire.” In Gender and Power in the Japanese Visual Field, edited by Joshua S. Mostow, Norman Bryson, and Maribeth Graybill. Honolulu: University of Hawai’i Press 2003, 49–70.

taken from this post asking about transgender men in the edo period: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskHistorians/comments/p6x4jk/comment/h9ttgv4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

As a final unrelated note, I haven’t seen anyone praise the MASTERFUL sound design 

bye 🪳🪳🪳🪳🪳

[fulcrum-art-fox]

You guys were not kidding about the absolute insanity going on between Mizu and Taigen and Akemi. Like never in a million years would I have guessed they were gonna be just this unhinged about it. Like, the way that Akemi uses all her wiles to get her father to agree to let her marry Taigen, who is not a noble but is an undefeated samurai, and Mizu just totally ruins that, almost incidentally, and then Taigen fucks himself over extra hard when he’s already lost to Mizu bc he decides it’s a good idea to call him a dog to his retreating back. Taigen and Akemi having sex to a description of duelling and killing Mizu was pretty insane also. That’s a set up for a massive complex between those three of I’ve ever seen one. And then Taigen leaves Akemi to go get his revenge - wait sorry, his rematch with Mizu, but because he’s got a honour complex just killing Mizu isn’t what he’s here for he needs him back to full strength but Mizu just so happens to be a walking disaster who is constantly injured and constantly courting death so he has to delay it almost indefinitely cue the whole “no one’s allowed to kill you but me” shenanigans and the insane degree of loyalty Taigen shows to that even under torture. And Mizu does actually agree to a date (joke intended) to a fight to the literal death but only after revenge. Then Akemi tracks Mizu down, recognising him not just by the blue eyes but by the fact she has snagged Taigan’s scarf and is actually wearing it. Akemi “no one says no to me” compliments Mizu on her eyes to get close to try and lower his guard while Mizu knows exactly who Akemi is and is extra on guard and also fucks with her about it “anyway he’s dead now” Mizu you can be a real bastard you know that (and I love it). And the way that as Akemi attempts to kill him the others at the brothel hear the crashes and immediately go “oh she’s good” because they assume they’re fucking?? Like oh my god. Mizu pinning Akemi to the ground, like she did with her husband and does again with Taigen?? The way that last time Mizu playfully sparred with and pinned a man to the ground she got called a monster but Taigen gets turned on by it??? And immediately tries to play it off as missing Akemi?? But he also calls her a demon over Mizu’s decision to let the guards take Akemi and the way that Taigen sets off to the city long before Mizu but because he’s honourable and a loyal samurai he focuses on saving the whole royal family, so Mizu is the one who actually reaches Akemi first, to try and right the fuck up and protect and get Akemi her freedom and honour his word to Ringo and during all this Mizu describes Taigen to Akemi as “not a good man, but he could be a great one” in a big long speech where she also says “he thinks he loves you very much.” Like I’m sorry Mizu come back here, what is that phrasing you are making me insane here. These three are insaner than insane and I just love watching them but like. something like how you watch a shipwreck

[fuukonomiko]

More Taizu headcanons

Because why not...

They built a shack next to Master Eiji's forge with the stipulation they will have a really thick wall. Sword Father refuses to deal with their loud shenanigans regardless of cause.

Taigen knows how to play the Koto really well. Sometimes he plays it when Mizu can't sleep because it helps relax her, other times he does it as a serenade because he's that kind of guy.

They swap outfits from time to time. They think its funny. Ringo not so much.

They named their first born Eiji.

Taigen has one tickle spot in a very specific area. Mizu knows exactly where it is. Mizu has ticklish feet but also has a very strong kick response to any attempts to tickle.

During the delivery of their first child, Taigen almost died in childbirth. Not from being pregnant obviously. It was because Mizu kept hurting him when the labor pains came on.

They have matching custom naginatas, a present from Akemi and Takayoshi.

They comb each other's hair after baths. They cut each other's hair when it gets too long. Taigen makes sure Mizu isn't pissed on the day she cuts his hair.

​

I HAVE SOME SILLY HEADCANONS FOR THEM

ART OF THEM ARM WRESTLING 

MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT DRAWING TAIGEN

MY SMUTTY ROMANCE FIC MIZU X TAIGEN

[turtleations]

Interview with YOSHIKI - Translation

Published in the hide BIBLE (by Akemi Oshima) 2008

Note: I wrote much earlier that I was not going to do this particular "interview" (aka free commentary after one single prompt of the interviewer) because it doesn't actually offer any information not available in plenty of other places, but since I'm doing every single other interview in that book, it felt weird to leave it out in the end. And since it's so short, I ended up doing an actual translation rather than a "summary", although I am not happy with it.

It's still long enough to warant a cut:

It’s great that you were playing your new song at the X JAPAN reunion concert at the Tokyo Dome.

Regarding “Without You” (the song YOSHIKI dedicated to HIDE), I also thought about the magnificent version performed at the Tokyo Dome, but this time there was no time for it. Whether it’ll be overseas or in Japan, I’m thinking about maybe doing the next one in a pattern that will develop into something spectacular. Regarding “I.V.” (the song using HIDE’s guitar track), I thought it would turn out cool to have the audience sing the first part before returning to Japan and then later add sound effects and the band parts. Therefore, I told the band members on the second day of the performance, “Until everyone starts the big chorus, I won’t be drumming at all.” It was really exciting, wasn’t it?

Anyhow, this time there was a lot of preparation to do, but, not limited to the hologram, things related to HIDE are of the most importance now. I started that work quite early in Los Angeles. So far, I’ve chosen a good take of HIDE’s from that live and singled out only his part. We perform while listening to this sound of HIDE’s, but it took an enormous amount of time for the sequence for that to be created. Still, it was not enough to invoke a live-feel, so for that song, SUGIZO joined us as the first guest-guitarist to play along with HIDE’s image.

When remembering HIDE, what left the deepest impression? In the end, that would be something that once happened when we went to have dinner together. I am bad at picking out fish bones. I was livid, saying, “How can I eat this?”, and next to me, HIDE went, “Wait a moment, I’ll take them out,” and cleanly separated all the bones for me (laughs). Because of things like this, he was like a mother.

As a musician, HIDE was the type who thought about things very attentively. For example, X’s songs are ensemble pieces, and I, the one who sees those vertical sounds, am the one for the ultimate details, but on the other hand, there are also things I have a rough grasp of, and it felt like HIDE was right there in between those two extremes. Therefore, filling in the duties left by HIDE for our live this time has been terrible, I think.

But, to me, HIDE had been a friend before he was a band member. Way back, HIDE came to recruit me for his band. Next, I tried to recruit HIDE. That day, I went to Yokohama’s “7th Avenue” to see a SAVER TIGER live, and I brought LADIESROOM’s George along. “Today, we’re off to get HIDE!” “Are we?” Like that (laughs). Therefore, after the live, when everyone was having an afterparty, I said in front of them all, “HIDE, join X!” Which didn’t result in much of a fight, somehow.

At that time, HIDE smoothed it over by telling me, “Let’s talk about it more slowly later.” He, too, had been betting his life on SAVER TIGER. And I had come in with a special attack like that (laughs). George had been surprised. “Please have those talks in secret, or at least not where all the members are gathered,” he said. But since talk like that tends to leak anyway, I figured it would be better do it right in front of everyone to begin with (laughs).

While there were episodes like that, eventually, SAVER TIGER ended up disbanding. I got a phone call from HIDE then. “I’m thinking about giving up music,” he said. When I told him, “Then, isn’t it better to just do so?” and heard “Eh? You’re not trying to get me to join your band?” in reply, I answered, “That’s your decision, that’s why,” and HIDE was surprised. I think I was waiting for the words, “Well, I’ll join X,” but HIDE did not say that.

When HIDE asked, “Would it be okay for me to come watch X’s rehearsal?” two or three days later, I said, “Yeah, come.” While he watched the rehearsal, HIDE appeared to be deep in thought. In those days, we often went drinking after rehearsing, but this day, after making the invitation, “Let’s go drinking!”, HIDE immediately said, “I’m joining X.” I’d somehow known that already, but it still caused big excitement.

At that point, X’s fixed members were only TOSHI and me, and so HIDE got personal invitations from a lot of different bands who wanted him to join them. Because of that, he met with a lot of people. But in the end, HIDE always cut them off with “I’m with X, that’s why.” “But, X is only drums and vocals?”, he was then told. I think it’s great that TOSHI stood his ground in this. Because guitarists had come and gone, come and gone over and over.

I think X was a band not affiliated with any genre. It was not thrash metal, not orthodox hard rock, I liked punk, but the songs we made were too melodious for that and I also liked music in a classical style. The more I talked about the sound I wanted to create, the more chaos there was among the members. Because of this, we separated from other bands more and more. I think that that while HIDE had courage to jump into that, he must have approved of us and our style in the first place. When HIDE told me, “I don’t understand it, but it looks like you’re creating something big, YOSHIKI. I’ll wager on that,” I gained confidence. “You will dash forward, so I will follow you,” he said.

HIDE got along well with the music critics. But I always had to fight with them. For example, one time, a certain critic called them to some issakaya [restaurant that also serves alcohol] in a very positive manner, saying, “Let’s think about the future of X.” Because the period in which a band like ours got positive attention from music critics was like a lifeline. But there we were told, “If all the members sported black hair and an army look, X could be a success,” and I flipped out and asked him “Are you an idiot?” HIDE tried to calm me down with “Wait a second. Please take it easy,” but I was like, “Shut up! I’m going to beat this fucker up!” (laughs)

Even though HIDE said, „It they hate us any more, it’s over for us,” I said something like, “That doesn’t matter. We’re going to perform on TV,” and just went home. At that time, rock bands never went on TV. Even after our debut, I was told by the people from the record company that TV appearances were rare, but the more they said so, the more I wanted to do it. About this, HIDE said, “I don’t really understand it, but if YOSHIKI says we should, then we will. I’ll follow you.” He always took that position.

Mentally, we were perfectly punk. Regardless of the quality of something, we wanted to dare going to places where we would be laughed at for doing what we did, or where it was not allowed. We had that strange kind of self-confidence since long ago, and I think HIDE understood that as well. For example, my background is in classical music, and so I thought there was no way I would be defeated if they talked about music, and just wanted to face them head on.

But before I could get that across to the other person, I just lost my temper. Here, HIDE interpreted for me, saying, “Actually, what YOSHIKI wanted to say is this.” At that time, he did that a lot. This isn’t a real thing we used, but HIDE would say things like, “That’s on page 60 of the YOSHIKI user manual.” (laughs) Is it okay to perform this action at that time, in a case like this, that’s what he’s saying, and so on. HIDE explained it like that to a lot of people (laughs).

In that sense, too, HIDE felt a lot like a mother. When he died, it felt like losing family. Although we are now standing on stage at Tokyo Dome like this, TOSHI was simply a childhood friend at first, and the same goes for HIDE. Before they are members of my band, they feel like members of my family. That’s why… It’s strange, isn’t it, this kind of thing.

[mentally-ill-for-bes]

Blue Eye Samurai Analysis Episode 1

As a clarification, the series of this analysis will be done chapter to chapter, having so many parallels between chapters there will be, spoilers. Many spoilers possibly.

Now, as another clarification, I’m not a Japanese person nor someone related to Japanese culture, therefore this analysis will go around narration and characters arcs and parallels. This being said, everything shown here is my interpretation of the show, I'll be more than pleased to talk about different opinions since it's done with respect.

And the last clarification, I will be referring to Mizu as she/her, since it’s what creators and producers refer to. This isn’t intended to invalidate headcanons or other interpretations.

btw, i don’t know how to do gifs, therefore this will be much less visually pleasing than I would like it to be, sorry!!

Now, let’s start!

The first shot of the show is fire, which will be seen later in the relation of fire with Mizu (and later with Akemi); now, fire acts like a visual opposite of the snowflake on the screen. Fire produces warmth, and snow produces coldness.

We continue showing scenes that show the visual opposites of warmth and coldness.

And the paragraph that set up our story.

“In 1633, Japan closed its borders to the outside world. Completely.

Citizens would never see a white face, nor any face that was not Japanese.

A child born mixed race would be considered less than human.

Pitiable. Impure.

Monstrous.

From these times rose a legend.

Of a swordsman. Of a sword.

Of revenge.”

And the way Mizu is introduced is in the snow. Visually, this teaches us her color palette, which is comprised of different tones of blue. But this also makes us relate her not to the snow, but to its coldness. This is reaffirmed by the style of the title, which is blue. Mizu is blue.

Then, she enters the noodle shop, where Ringo is presented in this lightless atmosphere in gray tones. He has a short and unilateral conversation with Mizu. The fact that Mizu doesn’t answer anything nor raises her head to at least see Ringo reaffirms her coldness. But this interaction shows us how despite his violent father; Ringo enjoys serving noodles, he’s satisfied when Mizu devours all the bowl, he enjoys helping.

However, the catalyst for the friendship between her and Ringo is this scene:

“What are you? A dog? You let a dog serve food!”

“Told you. Round eyes. Like a dog”

Sure, Mizu empathizes with Ringo because he’s shown as this sweet and kind character but also because she sees a lot of herself in him. They’re both ridiculed by being compared with dogs for things they cannot control: Mizu for her eyes, Ringo for losing balance, and spilling soup (due to Hachiman being aggressive to one of the girls he bought). At that moment, Mizu wasn’t strong enough to defend herself, but now, she’s strong enough to defend Ringo (and to get the information she wants at the same time).

The next thing we know is that Mizu has been looking for Hachiman due to his possession of a European gun.

“Of course, I’ve heard of you. Never leaves a village without buying one of its daughters.”

Because Mizu doesn’t just empathize with Ringo, but also with the girls he bought.

The next thing we know is that Mizu cuts Hachiman’s fingers, first the index and middle finger then cut the ring and little finger. First, the fingers used to hold a gun.

Then, the fingers he used to slap Ringo and touch the girl’s face. It’s curious how she cuts all the fingers but the thumb, especially when the one who sold the gun is Heichi and then they’ll introduce us to his collection of thumbs.

+ She cutting the fingers resonates with the scene when she cuts Heichi’s hand, but that’s for later!!

Then, as we know, Ringo follows her, she sees in her someone great, but not for her ability with a knife but for her ability to stand up for others. Sure, Ringo says he wants to be a samurai like her and it that moment, he wants that. But Ringo’s arc goes through being great and how, not being the same that Mizu but for being great by his own qualities and strengths.

However, now, Mizu represents a hope for him, a hope that an outcasted as him as be something great.

But Mizu doesn’t want friendship or anything that can deviate her from her purpose.

She found a temple and her pray is clear:

“To a man lost in the dark, an ember can light the way. Thank you for my ember. I was lost without course so long. Please. Let this ember’s light brighten a path from this Heiji Shindo to the men I seek. Please guide my steps until I find them. Please give me the strength to kill them. Or let me die.”

This helps us to understand her character, she has a purpose in life, and it’s achieving it or death. But she won’t let death reach her, literally is need a stronger one that lets her die, because she won’t permit herself that sacrifice.

We pass to a Mizu’s memory of her childhood, where a bully (we’ll later known as Taigen) and his gang persecutes her around the town while it’s raining, more elements asociating Mizu to water.

Mizu’s wearing handmade glasses:

Nice reference to how the first models of sunglasses were, the first sunglasses were created by the Inuit.

Going back to the memory, Taigen’s wearing an orange kimono, even when his representative color as an adult is green.

Interesting, since in color wheel orange is opposite to blue.

So during childhood, Taigen’s definitely an antagonist to Mizu, but once they’re both adults, he’s represented by green. Green is closer to blue than orange is, so I interpret this change of colors as the ability of Taigen to change. During childhood, he’s an antagonist role, but being an adult, he’s at her side (during battle and in the color wheel, lol). And that’s what Taigen’s arc is about, about changing for the better, it wouldn’t surprise if at some moment he starts getting dressed in blue to symbolize he’s at Mizu’s side. Or going back to orange, symbolizing the opposite.

The next character introduced is Swordsfather.

He’s showed under blue lights, his clothes looking blue. Different from Taigen, he’s at Mizu’s side.

But the next thing is shown about Swordsfather is fire, he’s under warmth lights, his clothes looking brownish.

Swordfather’s home is mix between warmth and cold lights. He’s in the middle of it.

This talks pretty well about the duality of the character, Swordfather isn’t associated with a color or an element but metal, metal can change and be rebuilt over and over again. He’s warm and cold at the same time. The same duality that Mizu will have to learn at some point.

But something to notice is that Mizu’s glasses are yellow/orange, while her whole dressing is blueish, only thing that has a warmth color are her glasses. The glasses she use to hide his identity as a racial mixed person.

And the scene!! This obviously puts a romantic background with the gentle music and the slow-mo, but it’s also useful to establish the opposite color palettes they have. While Akemi is surrounded by golden and warmth, Mizu is under the snow, surrounded by cold.

Even when it’s snowing outside, she’s surrouned by golden lights, dressed all in red. She’s associated with femenity, his kimono has flowers in it and she has butterflies and flowers in her hair, accessories made in gold. Totally different to how Mizu’s shown, dressed all in blue but her glasses, with much simpler accessories than Akemi, even when gold is a metal, Mizu’s shown manipulating silver metal’s. They’re opposites.

She’s talking with Seiki about how to talk to her father:

Even when she dislikes his advice (with fair reason) lilting her voice will be something will see she uses against men, like a woman who intends to get what she wants; when she talks to her father, when she meets Mizu, when she talks to shougon’s son.

“—When you speak to him, remember to lilt your voice.

—So, I should speak like a child

—Or like a woman who intends to get what she wants.”

In the end, she convinces her father to allow a marriage between her and Taigen. Saying how he sees a part of himself in Taigen. (If my father ever said he sees himself in my partner I would honestly run lol)

When Taigen’s presented on screen, he’s dressed in green but the scarf, this reminds me of how during his childhood (when he’s totally antagonistic to Mizu) he’s dressed in orange. In the color wheel, green is opposite to red, Akemi’s color, the only thing in Taigen’s outfit that brings him close to Akemi is his scarf and the comb Akemi gives him; both things that will be taken by Mizu.

But we’ll talk about that in the next episodes, for now, let’s focus on Mizu.

Shindo Dojo has a yellow uniform and all the room is iluminated, contrasting Mizu with her blue outfit.

Before defeating all Shindo Dojo, Mizu has a interesting memory about Swordfather, the lines I think has most impact in the narration are these.

“—What is a sword?

—The soul of a samurai.

—It is a line. On one side of the line is life. The other, is death. The edge we forge cuts the line between life and death.”

And this scene:

“—No man can tame this cursed metal.

—Perhaps it doesn’t want to be a sword.

—All metal wants to be a sword.”

It’s our first introduction to a figure of the 4 white men, and the whole background is blue, being in a castle in the water, which I take as a reference to Frowler’s castle in the water but also this bends the things Mizu’s is associated to her “demon” state. Not by an omnipresent narrator, but by her own narration. She doesn't see herself as half-demon half-human, she sees herself as a total demon.

Ending with the memory, she has the coolest fight with all the dojo, until Taigen appears, literally wearing Akemi’s gift, at this point we know that he’s 1. Proud of being Dojo’s champion, 2. Proud of his engagement with Akemi (in that order in specific). He wears his gift as (in my interpretation) a show of power over Mizu, they’re exactly in the same positions as during childhood, Taigen’s standing up looking arrogant and Mizu’s on the floor. But this time the result is different.

In both moments is Taigen who throws away her glasses.

In another great scene of fighting, Mizu gets the information about Heiji Shindo and she cuts Taigen’s hair. Cutting his hair removes from him his status, identity, and the chance of getting married to Akemi. At the same time, he's turning him into an outcast, now ignored and rejected by the masters who praised him before. He goes from being benefited by the system to being affected by the same system he supported and contributed to.

And as I said, Mizu literally takes the comb that represents Taigen and Akemi’s compromise and throws it.

In a more personal sense, it shows Mizu’s empathy along with women. She understands their struggles and she does what she can for them.

At the end of this episode, even Mizu’s sword has a nice edge that looks like waves. This sword is an important element in Mizu’s narrative, as she said, the sword is the soul of a samurai; and even when Mizu doesn't considerate herself a samurai, others do; Ringo considers her a samurai, even Taigen (even when he doesn't admit it) do it. Otherwise, they wouldn't have had a duel the way samurais.

And her sword is just like her, "no man can tame this cursed metal" is what Swordfather said, as no man can tame (what people consider) a cursed human, "perhaps it doesn't want to be a sword" said Mizu, she doesn't want to be a samurai, she wants revenge. But all people keep perceiving her as one.

What will happen to Mizu's sword is what will happen directly to her soul.

[mizusnose]

Have any CollegeAu! Headcanons for Mizu? General or Romantic! I'm just curious 👁👁

okay!!! this might be an unpopular opinion but: college fuckboy!mizu…

for ultimate brainrot, Limbo by Freddie Dredd on repeat ☺️

NSFW

Is known around campus as the fuckboy despite being a woman. Is exclusively nicknamed the mean hot butch by all the lesbians on campus.

Despite having this reputation, a lot of women cant get enough of her. Has someone over almost every weekend—minus the ones she isn’t away visiting and training with swordfather.

Is on the collegiate fencing team. Strong, lean, and when she takes off her face guard, her sweaty jaw and neck always fluster her rival Taigen whenever they’re dueling.

Smokes weed—a lot. Can handle herself and usually hits her pen as she’s studying or while she fucks her dates. Isn’t entirely dependent on it, since it’s an alternative to cigarettes but yeah.

Is messy. Every time she invites a girl over, doesn’t bother to clean up and just pushes her pile of laundry off her bed before she eats out the lucky girl who gets to brag about Mizu’s tongue game.

Doesn’t let her flings stay the night. Will give amazing after care, but as soon as that’s over, she’s directing you to the door.

Kissing is allowed but only during sex—this is a strict rule for her. Doesn’t want any soft stuff. Would rather make out messily and get the girl off with her mouth instead of kissing anyone soft.

Is into biting. Like, will mark up girls and leave her bite marks on the inside of their thighs and their shoulders and wrists.

Is exclusively rough in bed. Doesn’t really have slow sensual sex unless she’s high beforehand.

Doesn’t know how to handle emotions—would rather fuck them out of her system instead.

That being said, she doesn’t take kindly to confessions. Rolls her eyes, mean and oh so hot as she tells anyone who “loves her” that I’m just the best you’ve ever had. That’s not love baby, that’s lust.

Has tats. Up high on her ribs and around her left hip. She got them to hide the scars she got from training when she was younger.

Has awful music taste and only listens to rap or trap music. Taigen calls her a degenerate and they wrestle on the ground—he catches feelings too. Mizu has to reject him.

okay okay okay. i feel like there’s potential for mizu to be fucking mean and awful—especially since that’s how she is in the beginning of the first season so…this was born.

can imagine her getting her act together later on to start impressing reader or akemi, you can choose.

[sad-endings-suck]

Blue Eye Samurai: regarding Mizu’s “plot armour” or her “ridiculously over-powered” abilities.

“Mizu is way too overpowered, it doesn’t make sense.”

I feel like a lot of people don’t realize just how much the mind over matter mentality plays a roll in Mizu’s “abilities”. Mizu isn’t the best because she’s physically the strongest, or had the best training, or the most experience, or whatever. Mizu is the best because she has single-minded focus and immense tenacity that borders on psychotic due to how intensely dedicated to revenge she has been for almost all of her life. All the years she spent training, all the time she spends taking out enemies, she is being driven by single minded focus and iron willed determination that never wavers. She has been sharpening and honing not just her body, but her mind, for exactly this. She has dedicated her entire life to her quest for vengeance, and in her own words, there is no room in it for anything else.

People also seem to be making a lot of assumptions about what kind of training and how much training Mizu has or has not had. As the audience, we’ve only been shown bits and pieces of Mizu’s past, which includes her experience learning martial arts. Asking shit like “how is she so good with a sword if she’s only self taught?” is like asking “how can she read and write if Master Eiji is blind?”. The answer is that Mizu has obviously learnt these things from more than one source, but documenting her entire education in detail doesn’t exactly serve a purpose to the narrative. We are explicitly shown in one of Mizu’s flashbacks that she’s been practicing with a wooden sparring sword since she was very young. It’s actually her child self that we see in that brief particular flashback. Not her teen/tween self, her child self. She’s also following the movements and instructions of an older man that is clearly a skilled samurai or warrior of some kind based on context (which y’all love to ignore). Besides, who else would want/need a sword from a master sword-maker besides an expert swordsman? How many skilled fighters from all over Japan have come to Master Eiji’s forge hoping for a blade, and wait with nothing better to do but train while their blade is being made? How many of them have divulged information about certain fighting styles (like Shindo-Ryu, which Mizu was familiar with despite never having been to the dojo before). Or practiced around her and with her? We are clearly shown through Mizu’s flashbacks that receiving training from a visiting client has not been unusual for her throughout her apprenticeship with Master Eiji, and her little spar with Blood Soaked Chiaki was no one time event. Yet Mizu is never given the benefit of the doubt by the audience, despite context clues indicating that she should be.

“Taigen has way more training in an actual dojo, so why is Mizu better?”

Whereas Taigen, while he was determined to become more than just a fisherman’s son and was driven to rise through the ranks of the Dojo and become a skilled samurai, did not have that same desire or determination to hone every part of himself to be the most deadly weapon he could possibly be, like Mizu did. Taigen believes in the samurai code of honor and upholds it in his own way (preventing him from learning how to “fight dirty” so to speak) and he also had a life outside of his training (he had a social life, he drank, he partied, he snuck around a lot to see Akemi presumably, etc). In fact, we actually never see Taigen practice, train, learn, hone his skills, or anything (to my recollection) throughout the whole season, until he’s bested by Mizu in combat. I’m assuming Taigen had to work quite hard for several years to become as good as he is, but I get the sense that ever since he has been regarded as a prodigy he has allowed himself to get cocky and maybe a bit too comfortable. He has always been the best and always thought himself to be the best, so he never needed to give 150% effort when he fought. In fact, as he got older and more practiced, and it became more and more apparent how much better he was than everyone else, he probably stopped giving his 110% and allowed himself to get a bit comfortable putting in 100% effort, and then eventually 80% effort (which is part of the reason why I think he’s so pissed he lost to Mizu in their first fight, because he knows he could have done better: been less cocky, been more tactical, more driven, etc).

We also never see Taigen meditate or mentally or physically prepare himself the way we do with Mizu. Mizu will pray before a major upcoming battle, not because she’s religious, but because she’s mentally, emotionally, and spiritually preparing herself. We even see Mizu submerge herself in very cold ocean water (during the winter mind you) as a ritual/practice of sorts that serves to center herself and prepare mentally and physically for what’s ahead when she feels herself getting “too emotional” or too stressed or unfocused or even just slightly off kilter. Mizu sacrifices every part of her life, so that she can be the deadliest version of herself possible. She has no social life. She has no friends, or significant others (Mikio aside). She has no other activities to participate in, because she’s been completely alienated and thus being anything but the best is not an option in her mind because she has no options. She tried married life. She had the best possible life that she could have had as a biracial woman in Edo era Japan. She did as she was told by her “mother”. She showed her true self to Mikio, just as he desired. Yet the blood and vengeance still caught up with her. She has no other options anymore. Pursuing revenge is the only thing she knows how to do, because every other avenue in life has been cut off from her. So she has to be single-mindedly focused on her vengeance, which means being as skilled and as dangerous as she can possibly be. She has no hobbies or jobs or responsibilities beyond sword-making (which allows her to become as familiar with the blade as possible) and training herself. If she has extra time, she uses it to practice, to train, to improve, to simply maintain peak performance. Such as when she was hacking through those trees in episode 2. Afterwards, we see Taigen attempt to replicate her training (by cutting down trees with his sword). Though even then, it was more about curiosity and trying to suss out Mizu so he could gauge her skill level, then it was about actually honing his own abilities (until episode 3 when he practices with Chiaki’s broken blade). Which does count as training in its own way (assessing your enemy), but my point still stands. Taigen does not have the same unwavering focus and force of will that Mizu does (partially because he does not actually want to kill Mizu, as we do see Taigen go cold blooded with focus when he kills Heiji Shindo, but those are whole other discussions).

“Mizu just has ridiculous plot armour, that’s the real reason she survives every encounter.”

I feel like people that think Mizu has ridiculous plot armour are just not at all familiar with the Samurai or Western/Cowboy sub-genres at all, or even action as an overarching genre on its own. I don’t believe I have ever engaged in a single piece of action media in which the protagonist didn’t have “plot armour” in some way. Basically half of all male protagonists from any and all modern western action movies ever, have been way too over-powered and been able to take a ridiculous amount of damage that should have killed them multiple times over. These action heroes (who in western media are almost always cis-het white men) have ridiculous plot armour in the most classic sense. Yet no one complains when it’s a white man. Only when it’s a queer-coded biracial woman of colour. Shocking.

In fact, you could argue that every main character in every fictional story ever told has plot armour to a certain degree, because having an entire narrative revolve around one character is inherently “unrealistic” and therefore the main character has plot armour, yes? No? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Oh, and on the topic of the samurai genre specifically (and many martial arts based action media) there are certain genre specific tropes that are nearly integral to the genre. One of the most prominent being the samurai/ronin/warrior/martial arts master that is “ridiculously over powered”. It’s literally part of the genre. In fact, the western/cowboy genre is quite similar to the classic samurai genre. Now, how many westerns have you watched in which Clint Eastwood or John Wayne shoot 5+ guys with one pistol before any of the guys they shoot even get a shot off? A lot I bet. Is that not the definition of “over-powered” and “unrealistic”? Or is it just a genre trope, or even perhaps, a genre staple? No one thinks Arthur Morgan (Red Dead Redemption 2) is over-powered. No one thinks that Joel (The Last of Us) is over-powered. In fact, when the TLOU show came out, people actually complained that Joel, the fifty-something year old man that has been living in a post apocalyptic wasteland for 20 years, was not badass or strong enough (he kills dozens of humans and super zombies and he’s legally a senior). So, who is the “judge” of what is and is not realistic in action media that borders on sci-fi/fantasy based on how “over-powered” the protagonists “realistically” are?

“It’s just weird that Mizu is so powerful when other characters within the story are not. It makes Mizu such a Mary Sue.”

Okay… so, with all that in mind, let’s circle back to where I started when referring to Mizu as someone driven by unwavering determination, and how that affects her “abilities”. That facet of her personality and motivation is nothing new when it comes to the action genre, especially for protagonists of revenge storylines. Think of Kill Bill or John Wick. Why does John or the Bride keep going and keep winning even when they are constantly getting injured and always fighting. Is it because they are simply that much better than everyone else? Yes and no. No, because they are not superheroes (technically), but also yes. Because their single minded determination and need for revenge drives them to push that much harder than anyone else on their skill level. They are the best, but they win against everyone else that is also “the best” because they want it more. They need it more. Mind over matter. They are willing to endure what others are not through sheer will and pure cold rage. Mizu, Beatrice Kiddo, John Wick, and so many more similar protagonists in action-revenge narratives don’t keep winning and keep getting back up no matter how inured they get because they are just “that much stronger and more talented than everyone else”. Yes, they are extremely skilled and would probably be one of the strongest and most deadly combatants/killers in their respective universes regardless… but their refined skill and raw talent and power are not the only reason they win. Their unwavering force of will, extreme determination, ice cold fury, and single-minded focus on revenge is what drive them to be that much tougher. Their tenacity is their superpower. They want to win more than their opponent does. They need to win, because this is their one and only goal in life as of now. Mizu (Blue Eye Samurai) Beatrice (Kill Bill), John (John Wick), they all share a philosophy in life when it comes to their revenge, which basically boils down to “Either I kill you, or I die trying. There is no middle ground, there is no negotiating, no other choice, no path of least resistance, no other goal or motivation. You will die, because I ain’t fucking dying until you do.”

Mizu doesn’t have plot armour and she’s not over-powered. She is an archetypical protagonist of the action-revenge narrative and the samurai/western genre as well. She arguably even has better reason to be completing the feats that she does than John Wick or The Bride, because the medium of Blue Eye Samurai is animation and not live action, and the genre borders on magical realism far more than Kill Bill or John Wick. Now, how many anime protagonists (probably almost all male) can you think of that are “ridiculously over-powered” especially compared to any live action counterparts, but no one complains about it? Why does no one complain about it (aside from misogyny)? Because the medium of animation inherently has different “rules”, expectations, and set standards for suspension of disbelief, than the medium of live action film or television. For example, is it ridiculous and unrealistic when you’re watching a Looney Tunes cartoon and Bugs Bunny’s legs pinwheel in super-speed for 3 seconds straight before he starts running, or when he runs off a ledge and gravity just lets him hang there for a sec so he can look straight at the camera before he falls? No, it’s not “unrealistic” or emersion breaking, not even a little, but why? Is it because any of those things seem even remotely probable or “realistic”? Of course not! It’s perfectly acceptable because the medium, genre, target audience, atmosphere, art/animation style, narrative choice, storytelling style, and more, have all established that Bugs Bunny defying physics is normal in Looney Tunes, and therefore not a “plot-hole” or “unrealistic”. In fact, if Bugs Bunny or Tom and Jerry didn’t defy physics in ridiculous ways all the time, then it feels far stranger and off-beat than if they did. Same goes for pretty much all action anime. If the characters in those stories were strictly limited to what is 100% humanly possible in real life, most of those animes wouldn’t even have storylines anymore. They’d be turned into completely different content that may be unrecognizable from the original source material. Or wouldn’t even have any material anymore because all the characters would be dead after their first fight scene. So why is Blue Eye Samurai being held to a different standard?

Now, do y’all get it yet?

[sophswritingthings]

Ok imagine reader who’s some sort of performer (maybe they where “different” and in some sort of circus esque freak shows) (Idk if those existed in 16th century japan) a super charismatic artist basically.

But maybe like a singer or a storyteller of some sort, and Ringo drags mizu to one of there performances while their in a town because he’s Ringo. The whole thing gets busted down by robber or some sort of big bad. But eventually reader sees mizu fight and is like “hey I want to join your group” and of course mizu is mizu and says no.

Basically reader wants to join them because similar to akemi they crave freedom, kind of the artist experience (wanting to create and share things with the world, but being limited every step of the way) they want some sort of substance in their life, adventure I guess.

Eventually they convince mizu because their like “hey, I know how to people with people, and you guys don’t, I can talk our way out of things and get you into places without having to kill 100 guards” and mizu is like “ugh ok”

<333

This is so black cat and orange cat coded

(Lowkey might make an oc based off of this)

pairing: mizu x fem!dancer!reader

warning(s): mentions of abuse, swearing, blood

a/n: I…. you mentioned cats so I… drew something. i-I’ll link it at the bottom

summary: you’d been dancing ever since you were young; you were part of a traveling show, run by possibly the worst man you’d ever known. and when you see the strong samurai come through, saving you and the rest of your comrades from harm, you knew you had to get out. and here was your chance.

word count: 797 words / 4,354 characters 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

step left, step right, step forward. spin, smile.

that was all you’d ever known; ever since you were nine you’d been traveling. your mother and father were absent—not dead, no—just absent and horrible people.

so you grabbed ahold of any stability that this world could offer you that wasn’t a husband or being a woman of a brothel.

you peered out among the crowd that you’d be performing for tonight, spotting a pretty looking samurai among the crowd—sat next to a large man who seemed to have no hands.

what a sight to see, huh.

you dip back inside, glancing at your dancing partners—akari and chiyo.

“so, who’s the pretty boy in the crowd?” you cock your head, making the other girls giggle at your words.

“he is pretty, isn’t he?” chiyo smiles, dabbing white powder onto her face, “a samurai, though, you can tell—they're always bad news.”

“not always,” you raise a finger. “I might talk to him.”

“I haven’t seen you so interested in a man in forever,” akari chuckled. “why are you choosing so now?”

“you don’t choose that kinda thing,” you shrug. “and.. I don’t know, I’m one and twenty. maybe I’d like to settle down soon?”

akari and chiyo scoffed, though it was akari who spoke.

“settle down? you? yeah, I doubt that,” she narrowed her eyes. “would you seriously want to get married and leave?”

“maybe! and I never said I’d marry him! I’d just like to get to know him,” you fold your arms.

your sights had never been set on marriage with this mystery samurai. your sights had seriously been set on getting out of this hell-hole; and if marrying this samurai was your ticket out, than so be it!

a bell rang. your turn.

you and your partners slipped out onto the stage, holding flower covered fans in front of your faces. your eyes stay downcast, flicking your wrist upward into a forward movement.

you twirled around your partners, looking like a mystique kind of creature in the night—those eyes behind that fan were sultry.

mizu was watching with interest, her eyes behind her glasses specifically trained on you.

you were interesting. you were gorgeous, that was one thing, but you were a woman working. a woman working for her pay under a man she knew was absolutely horrible.

bang.

her head snapped up at the sound of a pistol, watching as the dancers scrambled off stage.

she laid her eyes on said pistol; oh, it wasn’t any pistol, it was an english pistol imported here. she knew she knew where her white man was; but she had no way in. if this man had a pistol from him; he could be her real ticket inside.

she sprung to her feet, unsheathing her sword. she swept her sword under his feet, knocking him down. she placed her heel against his chest, narrowing her eyes.

she placed her sword beside his hand, drawing a line across his two fingers.

“that’s an english pistol,” she hissed, “I know where you got it from. and I want you to get me inside.”

“or what?” he narrowed his eyes.

“I’ll cut you,” she drew her sword across the rest of his fingers, “limb for limb.”

he whimpered, blood spurting from his fingers, “fine! fine. I’ll get you inside.”

she drew her sword back, slipping it back into her scabbard. 

“ringo—keep hold of him,” she commanded, gesturing for her apprentice.

all the while you were watching the moment pass by; peeking out from behind the stages curtain. you watched mizu handle the situation with precision and care, taking the steps to get what he wanted.

then you noticed he was leaving. leaving!

you leapt out from behind the curtain, gently grabbing the back of her overcoat.

“sir! sir,” you bowed your head. “may I ask a question of you?”

she turned around, gazing at you. you were the dancer she’d been so focused on the entire time while watching the performance.

“what is it? I’m in a hurry,” she hissed, eyes narrowed.

“may—may I come with you?” you said rather bluntly.

she paused for a moment, turning back over her shoulder without even answering. It was clear it was a no.

“wait! wait, I have things to offer,” you called out. “It may not be money, but I have skills. people skills, in fact. I could get you through armies of men, without you having to get even the tip of your sword dirty.”

she paused in her tracks, gazing back at you.

“you better be able to provide as you say you can,” she furrowed her eyebrows. “or I’ll leave you out in the snow where you cannot find us.”

you bowed again, “understood, sir. I won’t let you down I promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: you mentioned cats and I provided

a/n: IS THIS ANYTHING

[keiry]

IM GOING FLIPPING INSANE I NEED TO SHOW OFF MY OCS RN SO IM SHOWING THEM (also oc X canon are in all of these ocs but there all from different fandoms 😋)

My first ever oc Aikya I made her to be in 7DS 🥺 I ship her with gloxinia IK HES FRUITY LEAVE ME ALONE 😞

This is alvah pendragon she’s in 4KOTA I ship her with Tristan Liones it’s like a forbidden love idc if Tristan is with isolde I made her before isolde and Tristan got together btw but again I will still ship her bc I can and idc 😋

This is Reika kamiya I ship her with sanzu IDC IF HES THE MOST BASIC CHARACTER AND THAT MULTIPLE PEOPLE SHIP THERE OCS WITH HIM SANZU IS MY PRETTY PRINCESS. Oh btw she’s dying by Heart failure 🥺 she’s alive in the last time line tho and bonten but she’s not happy there😋

Yuki tomoe I made her before I knew about Yuki Tsukumo so don’t hate on me 😞💔 but I ship her with Toge 😋 and yes all of my ocs except moonshine were made in gacha😞 I’m a gacha kids💔💔💔

My crk oc moonshine before you hate on my and call her a moonlight copy SHES MOONLIGHTS OLDER COUSIN 😡 oh and i ship her with shadow milk

This is her now (she looks like she’s going to do the cha cha swing😭)

My demon slayer oc she’s not a demon slayer but her brother is her name is akemi Itami 🥺

Im sorry this isn’t fanfic but I have gotten no requests or anything so I just wanted to post this please don’t be shy and request it might take a while until I post it but I swear I will do it if you request it

[fukuokanodivision]

The Kamora Files - Volume 4 ______________________________________ Entry #10 - Veiled Vanguard ______________________________________ Veiled Vanguard is Obihiro’s 1st DRB rap team, consisting of horse breeder Tetsumasu Hisoka, “superhero” Kamiyama Daiki and butler Verrill Jack.3 contestants who are searching for brand new lives off of the radar and to clear their innocences. “We are here to absolve our past crimes!” is a perfect, though accurate example of their criminal pasts. Though it appears their honesty could set them free…______________________________________ Bio #17 - Hisoka Tetsumasu ______________________________________ Hisoka Tetsumasu [known as “N”] is a lesser known horse breeder and Chuohku fugitive. A man rapidly creating Obihiro’s rap team to get out of his “threatening” life… Wanting to absolve his past convictions, it goes to show that crimes from him have been committed. Change is a good thing, but maybe not for exactly everyone ______________________________________ [Crimes] - Pickpocketing/Theft [Multiple Counts] - Withholding Information [Multiple Counts] - Arms Dealing [Multiple Counts] - Drug Abuse [Multiple Counts] ______________________________________ Bio #18 - Daiki Kamiyama ______________________________________ Daiki Kamiyama [known as “PALADIN”] is a waiter and secret “superhero” in Obihiro. An energetic boy who fights through justice and morale. Taking his “superhero” hobbies to his own leisure, it’s pretty surprising “crimes” from him have been committed. Though heroes are meant to help people…it’s possible that this isn’t always accurate. ______________________________________ [Crimes] - “Evasiveness” [Multiple Counts] - Harassment [Multiple Counts] - Assault [Multiple Counts] ______________________________________ Bio #19 - Jack Verrill ______________________________________ Jack Verrill [known as “Heed”] is a personal butler to the Kamiyama family, particularly Daiki Kamiyama. Known to withhold tons of secret information, many “sugarcoated” crimes from him have been committed. It is one thing to act as a helicopter parent…another to have an unknown past…it appears I can relate however… ______________________________________ [Crimes] - Sabotaging [Multiple Counts] - Withholding Information [Multiple Counts] - Aggressive Assault/Immobilization [Multiple Counts] - Espionage [Multiple Counts] - Deception [Multiple Counts] ______________________________________ Entry #11 - ENAN ______________________________________ ENAN was a former black market group known by the public to sell bootleg versions of hypnosis microphones before the war/H era. Formerly lead by Haruto Tetsumasu, the project fell apart with a failed meeting of another family, noted to be the “Seto-kai” as all but 1 remaining member is still left alive… ______________________________________ [Crimes] - Drug Trafficking/Arms Dealing [Multiple Counts] - Smuggling [Multiple Counts] - Piracy [Multiple Counts] - Assault With Deadly Weapon [Multiple Counts] - 1st Degree Murder [Multiple Counts] ______________________________________ Entry #12 - Wicked Requiem ______________________________________ Wicked Requiem is Edogawa’s 1st DRB rap team, consisting of forensic pathologist Kuromiya Yuriko, Scorpion Den member Shinozaki Kaoru and Amnesiac teen Akemi Kanra. 3 “family” individuals who will protect their livelihood and “bury” their opponents with their sound. “Our sound will bury you 6 feet underground!” Is the easiest example on how this team is able to hide their wretched mistakes…quite deceptively. ______________________________________ [Crimes] - 1st Degree Murder [Multiple Counts] - Bounty Hunting - Hactivism [Multiple Counts] ______________________________________