#Adora likes anything that she can push against as hard as she can

[sappho-biohazard]

Sports

Adora:

Boxing

Wrestling

Weightlifting 

Equestrian 

Motorsports

Fencing

Throwing

Catra:

Gymnastics

Running

Jumping

Climbing

Breakdancing

Kicking

Parkour 

[antispopausandstuff]

Romantic Homicide

.

[ synopsis - a rewrite of 'Don't Go' by Nate Stevenson // 'Taking Control' s5 ep 6 ]

.

for a moment, the hero can barely inhale.

those claws, holding onto her so tightly, that she can barely process anything else. not even her own heartbeat.

she wants to let go.

but then Catra would fall deeper.

would that be her fault, too?

after slowed time, Adora finds it in herself to push up onto her feet, adjusts her grip on the woman in her arms, and walks. it's a strange feeling, to be so sluggish and energized at once. exhaustion. adrenaline.

from fear.

she didn't know when they got to the empty room. an extra space.

"...Catra," she breathes, quiet and ragged. a simple command. no, a plea, to let go. the Magicat's ear twitches once, her hold loosening only slightly, but not setting her free.

Adora sets her down on the bed.

the claws stay.

"let go," she says, unable to be as harsh as she wants to be.

all this time, and she's still soft.

when the hands release her, Adora breathes further.

silence continues as clothes are found and water is given. they don't talk. what could be said at this moment that would change anything, ever, at all? what could be forgotten?

"Adora."

the exit is right there. she could leave. she wants to.

yet, she still stops when that voice calls to her. for her.

looking over her shoulder, blue and yellow eyes stare right at her, something like guilt trapped within them. one that couldn't be trusted, after all these years of pain and suffering, of blood and an unforgiving darkness. one that grew and grew until no room was left.

guarded, Adora slowly turns. "what is it?" she asks, neutral and distant. the distance that was always there protruding and showing itself out in the open without spilling.

the Magicat shifts in her spot.

"i..." a swallow. nerves. "why did you come back?"

come back.

is that how she viewed it?

"why did you come back? we both know i don't matter."

"i can't let you die here."

at the time, thoughts were messy and looking deeper could've cost more than it was going to be worth.

but now...

with bated breath, she stands straight and forward. "i didn't," she replies, states, blunt, direct, and impersonal. as it should've been.

silence hangs over once more.

and she leaves.

.

when she comes to ( from what, she doesn't know ), a hand is on her shoulder, calloused, chipped, bruised, yet gentle and inviting.

Bow.

"you were spacing out again," he explains, lowering his hand to hers as worry settles in his eyes. "is it... Catra?" he asks next, though he sounds expectant.

of course he is.

Adora breathes again. without a word, she nods, and the archer sits by her, hand at her waist as he pulls her into an embrace. she wraps an arm around him in turn, head on his shoulder.

she was exhausted.

.

it was hard, to care for someone you wanted to stay away from.

to hold back against someone who shouted at you.

to keep the words "of course i hate you" in your throat.

she didn't lie, but she wasn't able to speak the truth, either.

all the hero could do was walk away.

"i'm such an idiot."

.

talking to Glimmer was hard.

less difficult than Catra, more difficult than Bow.

but she had to do it. she had to.

"...why was she so nice to you?"

it was a selfish question. she knew that.

but the Queen's eyes showed sympathy anyway.

Glimmer had spoken of her time with Catra on Horde Prime's ship. said she wasn't so terrible, for a time, and even listened to her every now and then until she just... suddenly saved 'her'.

and Adora couldn't help but feel...

envious?

logically, she knew Catra was only out for herself at that time ( maybe all the time ), but it still hurt, somehow, to hear that she was different, if it was only for a time.

why couldn't she be different for me?

"you're such an idiot."

"i think she just wanted to feel better about herself. in a weird, self-pitying way," Glimmer answers.

that was the only answer possible.

because Catra couldn't have wanted more than the power she was given, now could she?

"don't you get it?! i am NEVER going to go with you!"

a hand. warm, almost hot, through the fabric of her jacket, seeping into the skin of her shoulder. "Adora," the Queen called out, bringing her back to the world around them.

for now, reality was kind and bittersweet.

.

Catra's claws were bared.

in the next instance, that hand was pinned to the wall, the grip over it almost vice. the claws didn't go away.

Adora could barely hear the voices around her.

with furrowed brows, her chest heavy, she slowly let go and took steps back. "we're doing this," she declares, unforgiving. "and if hiding from the people you've almost killed will make you feel better, we'll drop you off and you never have to see us again!"

silence.

taking a deep breath, she slowly turns away. "i'll never have to see you again," she mutters, walking across the unstable ground.

but, before she could escape, that damned hand grabbed her wrist.

"Adora, wait!"

looking down, the Magicat was on her knees.

the hand dragged down until it wrapped around the hero's palm, keeping her there.

"please."

a skip. nerves bundled in her gut, an urge in her throat.

let go of me.

those blue and yellow eyes showed themselves.

"stay."

...and she did.

.

it was nightfall, according to Entrapta.

regardless, everyone was exhausted and wanted to sleep.

but Catra didn't want her to go.

sitting on the mattress, Adora fiddled with her necklace. somewhere along the way, the sword transformed itself. maybe it was the anxiety of everything, of Catra being here, right behind her.

the answers were unclear.

many seem to be nowadays.

the voice cut through her thoughts, low, almost rough. she didn't fully hear what was said, but she knew well enough.

everything suddenly felt more closed in.

slowly, rigidly, Adora shifted her position, laying down on her side, one leg in contact with the floor with the other on the mattress. she was facing away.

she didn't want the covers.

the ship was silent.

and the hero didn't sleep.

just listened to the Magicat's breathing turn to snores and hope she didn't wake up to need her again.

[baggebythesea]

Enemies to lovers: Glitra, duh :-). Just picking one possible scenario from a hat… Trying to invade Brightmoon had been a mistake. Catra ahd been so sure Entrapta freezing the whispering woods would pave way for the invasion, but she hadn't counted on the rest of the princesses showing up in the last minute. She should have retreated, but as usual she couldn'´t resist staying to taunt Adora one last time, and before she knew what was happening, Sparkles had teleported in and nabbed her. Catra had expected to be dumped in a cell to rot, but of all fuckign things they put her in a guest room. With a fucking water fall! So when the initial outrage and bitter deffeat had died down, Catra couldn´t´believe her luck. The food was better than in the Horde, she'd have no problem escaping once she truly wanted and in the meantime she had full access to manipulating Adora - who visited her daily - and Sparkles to her hearts desire. At first she focused mostly on Adora, but it was so FUN to crawl under the skin of the princess of brightmoon. So many buttons to push. And she had bite too. More often than not Catra found hersefl giving up more intel than she had intended. But then she found another button to push, and they were back to the game again. Then there was that late night when Sparkles tried to get a truth spell to work (give her a break - as if Catra hadn´t spent her entire fucking life learning how to keep a portion of her mind free from snooping witches), and some of Catra´s barbs had hit closer than usual and suddenly Sparkles was all up in her face and Catra would be damned if she would back down first and… they were kissing, that was a thing they did and then they just stared at each other and Sparkles teleported out and Catra had NO idea how she would spin this against Adora… Especially since Glimmer´s nightly visits became more frequent, and it became harder and harder to remember that Catra hated her…

Slow Burn: Sconnie. Lonnie knew the rules of the Horde. Keep your head down, work hard, take the blows from above and stomp hard on eveyr fucker that tries to climb on you. Anything you value can be used against you, so pick your hill wisely. Lonnie had picked her hill. She´d defend her boys, she would keep her back clean and she would not let anyone drag her down. Love seemed like a cheap price to pay. That was for others. Her boys could indulge - she had bought them that right with her protection - but for herself, she was resigned to a few, well selected allies and friendships. Scorpia was such a "friend", even if Lonnie thought more of her as an "asset", at least to begin with. A force captain was a good relationship to cultivate, even one as soppy as her. SHE didn´t know the rules. SHE thought she could walze through life like her princess title still meant something, and predictably people used her all the time. Lonnie tried to get her to be smarter, tried to hint of how Catra used her, but Scorpia was floating on pink clouds. Not that it bothered Lonnie. Not that she perhaps had… other thoughts. Romance was not for her, obviously, and obviously not with someone as soppy as Scorpia. They were just friends, she told herself, when Scorpia cried her eyes out in her private office where Lonnie kept her company. Only friends, she thought to herself when she assured Scorpia that she didn´t deserve to be treated like that, that there were SOMEONE out there who would see her for the beautiful woman she really was. Only friends, she thought as Scorpia held her tight and would never let go… it was so long since anyone hugged Lonnie…

Thanks for playing. If anyone else want to play, send me three pairs and I´ll see what I do with them (and if anyone want me to give you three characters, let me know)

re the fake dating/enemies to lovers/slow burn thing, glitra, catrouble, sconnie?

Fake dating: Catratrouble. It was just a ploy, really. Another way to get under Adora's skin. And Double Trouble, of course, was game for anything. And of course, in order to sell it they had to live it. Can't let your guard down. It´s called method acting, darling. But after anotehr successful mission (or "date" as DT called them), with the happy memory of Adora's fuming face, and when they laughed and talked on their way back to the camp, when Catra suddenly grabbed Double Trouble´s face and pulled them closer to a kiss neither of them were eager to finish.... when they finally separated and looked each other in the eyes, and Catra saw the normally so cocksure DT hesitate... she felt something she hadn´t felt since that disastrous time with Scorpia in the Crimson Waste. Catra was happy.

(next two in chained reblogs)

[smurphyse]

An Enthusiastic Yes | Loki

Series Masterlist | Smurph’s Masterlist

Part 20 of The Arrangement

Warnings: discussions about sex, first times, handjobs, fingering, innocent sex, thigh riding, lube, multiple orgasms

Summary: After waking up to Loki's morning wood, Adora decides she's ready to perform her first wifely duty

Adora struggled to pull herself from sleep, blinking slowly as she came to. 

The stress of the consummation chamber was heady and thick. This sudden awkwardness with Loki made her already hair trigger nerves ignite even faster. She didn't know how to get past it or her own insecurities. 

Knowing Loki had a few of his own made it easier. 

Her head was moving as she opened her eyes, somehow having maneuvered in her slumber to lay on Loki's chest. He snored quietly above her, both arms laced around her back to hold her to him. 

Soft candlelight glowed through the room, darkness pouring in from the balcony. The Ahava flowers were gone and the fire crackled in the fireplace, warmth emanating all around her. She was cozy, she was safe. 

Adora shifted to go back to sleep when she felt Loki's length under her thigh. Her leg was slung over his hips, and she gasped embarrassingly as she felt the small dampness between her own legs smearing across his hip bone. 

Lifting up the covers, she peeked below to see it in the dim light. Her eyebrows raised as she saw Loki's manhood for the first time, biting her bottom lip between her teeth. He was long, thick, and beautiful. Angled slightly to one side, he adjusted and groaned, and Adora watched with wide eyes as his hardness twitched, grazing the bottom of her thigh and beaded precum smeared along her skin. 

Loki sniffled hard and stretched, and Adora dropped the covers to quell some of her embarrassment. "Adora?"

"Hey," she murmured, letting her thigh rest on top of him again. Loki's cheeks flushed as he felt her leg on his cock, immediately moving to push her away, but Adora held firm with a hand on his chest. 

"Shit I'm sorry," he grunted, his jaw clenching. "It just happens when I sleep."

"It's okay," Adora blushed, glancing away, "I'm…flattered."

Loki scoffed, relaxing back into the covers. He rubbed a hand up her naked back, fingers trailing lightly along her spine. He kissed her forehead and murmured, "This is a good way to wake up, sweetheart."

Wanting to be brave for him, and for herself, Adora smoothed her hand from his chest down to his lower belly, "Y’know, I can help… I am your wife after all."

Loki's eyebrows nearly hit his hairline, a deep red creeping its way up his chest and neck. He swallowed thickly and watched her with obvious nerves before breaking out in a soft smile. 

"Only if I get to help you."

Now it was Adora’s turn to blush like a fool. She wanted this, but she wasn't really sure what to do. It seemed as though Loki read her mind, as he took her hand from his stomach and intertwined his fingers with hers. 

"C'mere," he whispered, pulling her close as he held her hand. 

His free hand slid into the back of her hair, holding her still as Loki kissed her. His lips slotted against hers, sweet and slow, and Adora melted into it. It felt odd being naked, but she'd had a lot of firsts with Loki lately, and she was looking forward to more. 

His skin against hers was grounding. Loki radiated strength and confidence, though she knew him to be just a little unsure of himself sometimes, but even that was appealing to her. 

Loki let out a small groan and pulled back, resting his forehead against hers. He gently brushed her hair back from her face and asked, "Are you sure you want to do this? We can wait."

Adora nodded, smiling nervously. Loki clicked his teeth and sighed, "I need to hear you say it. I don't want us to do anything without an enthusiastic yes from you."

Adora chuckled, a bit relieved to hear him say such a thing though she hadn't thought it would matter. According to her vows she would do anything Loki wanted. She belonged to him and the thought of their marriage bed terrified her, but her nerves fizzled at his words. 

"Husband," Adora said softly, pressing her palm to his cheek. Loki leaned into it and watched her worriedly. "I want to do this."

Loki let out a relieved breath, but he quickly pulled Adora in for a heady kiss. The chill scent of pine surrounded her, Loki's cool presence taking away some of the heat that always blazed from her skin. When his tongue demanded entrance, probing at her lips, she let him inside. 

Loki slid against her, pulling her to his chest as his tongue slipped between her teeth. A primal groan ripped itself from Adora's chest at the sensation, leaving tingling in its wake. His thigh pushed between hers, leaving one spread wide over his strong hips. 

She could feel his cock against her belly, hot and throbbing as Loki still held her hand. He took her by the wrist and slid her hand down his chest slowly, letting her get used to the feeling before her fingers grazed the soft patch of hair. She shivered as Loki pulled back to watch her, eyes soft and full of devotion. 

"If at any time you wish to stop, you say the word and we will. No judgements, no disappointments," Loki told her seriously. "I want you to feel safe no matter what."

"I do feel safe," she replied quietly, "I'm with you."

"Can I touch you, Adora?" Loki asked, delicately tucking a stray curl behind her ear. 

A shiver rocked through her, nervous as anything and afraid to do it wrong, but Loki said no judgements. She believed him. 

In a shaky voice, Adora said, "Yes. Teach me how to touch you, husband."

Loki let out a satisfied grunt and pulled her back to him, kissing her fiercely. While it was passionate, it was slow, leading, pulling her into complacency and safety. He was strong and easy to fall into, and Adora didn't hold back a moan of her own as one of his hands left her hair to smooth down her shoulder. 

She jumped a bit when Loki's palm slid down to her waist, a shuddering excited breath escaping from her. She shivered despite the heat under the blanket, glad he hadn't removed it and made no move to. The covers shifted over his movements, slow and sweet as he rubbed light circles into her skin with his thumb. 

His palm dragged down to her hip, following the rise and fall of her backside before gripping the underside of her thigh and pulling her close. Loki pushed his thigh between hers, planting himself firmly against her sex and making Adora gasp at the friction. The downy hair of his leg tickled the soft sensitive flesh, her damp lips smearing across his skin.

“Look at that,” Loki murmured between kisses to keep her focused on him, “my wife… already wet for me.”

When Adora made a confused face, he leaned his forehead against hers and nuzzled against her nose, “It’s a good thing, Adora. I want to know if you're aroused.”

“Oh,” she blushed painfully, heat rushing to her cheeks. She bit back a smile, unsure of herself, and Loki flashed her a lopsided grin. “I am… I’m just nervous.”

Loki nodded in understanding, “That’s okay. You’re doing perfectly.”

Adora gazed into those pools of blue and green as Loki brushed his fingertips over the top of her thigh, smoothing them back up her hip. He watched her carefully for any discomfort, but she had none. She was with him, and he would guide her. 

This time when he cupped her breast in his hand, Adora didn't slap him away. She sucked in a wavering breath as his palm caressed her gently, but she didn't look away from him. Something about watching him touch her was so captivating, intimate, and she wanted to live in the moment. 

His thumb swiped over her exposed nipple, flicking the little bud before he did it again. The tingling sensation burst again through her, her cheeks swelling with heat. Loki licked his bottom lip as he watched her, eyes searching for any hesitancy, any sign to stop. 

But Adora didn't want him to stop, and she leaned in and captured him in a deep kiss. Loki moaned softly, melting into her and moving closer. The shifting of his thigh between her legs, grazing her lips and clit made Adora clench, her back arching as he continued his gentle fondling. 

Loki gave her a soft experimental pinch, and an embarrassing moan of pleasure erupted from her. It only spurred him on, and Loki pulled away enough to bring his fingers to his lips to wet them before bringing them back to her bosom. The slick heat of his fingertips made her head swim, and her legs clamped down over his thigh in excitement. 

It was all so much, and her hips moved on their own, grinding down on his fuzzy strong thigh for friction. The damp insistent swiping of her nipple and clit overwhelmed her as she clung to him desperately, moaning wantonly in the dark. 

"There you go," he murmured against her lips between kisses, tongue flicking out to slide against hers. "Let go for me, Adora."

Tears pricked the corners of her eyes as she nodded, kissing him furiously and letting the sensation overtake her. Adora tangled her hands into his hair and rode his thigh, the filthy need coursing through her coming to a head faster than she'd thought possible with someone besides herself. 

The coil that had been slowly building now snapped in a sharp blaze of light, blood shredding through her veins as Adora came just from his gentle touches. Her thighs tightened around his, hips twitching and bucking as she chased the feeling of ecstasy. 

A sharp cry escaped, and Loki quickly claimed it with a fierce kiss. He grunted as she tugged on his hair, his hard dripping cock bouncing against her belly with each roll of her hips. They slowed as it waned, and Adora went limp in his arms as all the tension left her body. Tears fell from her eyes as she opened them slowly, only to be faced with a satisfied smirk from him. 

"Beautiful," Loki praised her, and it only made more trickle down her cheeks as she broke out in a relieved smile. 

Loki kissed them away, pressing his lips to any spot on her face he could reach while whispering, "Perfect, perfect, Adora. You did so well, thank you."

"Thank you?" she asked tearfully, sniffling when he pulled back to smile at her. 

Loki brought both hands up to cup her cheeks, wiping away the remaining tears with his thumbs, "Thank you for letting me witness such a glorious thing."

Adora let out a relieved chuckle, but she couldn’t help biting her lip as she lifted the covers enough to peek between them. Feeling braver than she’d ever thought possible, Adora smoothed her fingers down his chest until she reached the base of his cock. Taking a steadying breath to calm her nerves, Adora slid her hand up to wrap one hand around him loosely.

Loki groaned and let his eyes flutter shut, and Adora watched mesmerized as she gave him an experimental pump of her fist. Loki sighed and brought his hand down to cover hers, opening his eyes. He swallowed thickly, “We can wait. I don’t want to push you.”

Adora thought about it for a moment, but now she’d had a taste of what he wanted to teach her and she wanted more. It felt good to fall into him, and she wanted to see him do the same for her. 

When she swiped her thumb over the tip, smearing precum and bringing it down his shaft, Loki grunted in a way that told her he was holding back. She moved in on the pillow to press a chaste kiss to his lips, “I want to touch you.”

A bottle materialized in the air between them, then dropped just between their noses onto the pillows. Adora furrowed her brows at it while Loki groaned in annoyance. 

"This fucking room," he grunted, picking up the bottle and tossing it over his shoulder. It never landed on the floor, and instead dropped again on the pillow. 

Adora released him and got up on her elbows, rolling onto her belly but keeping her thigh draped over his hips. She snatched it before he could grab it and read the label, her eyes going wide. 

"Oh my," she blushed, glancing away as an embarrassed laugh bubbled from her chest. She handed it to Loki, "I don't know what to do with this."

He took it, looking like he was contemplating throwing it again, then thought better of it. Loki reached out his hand for Adora’s, and when she took it turned it palm up. The bottle opened with a small snap, and he flashed her a look. 

"The more we fight the room the more annoying it will be," he told her, "so we might as well use it."

Adora watched curiously as Loki turned the bottle and squirted out a small amount of lube onto her palm. The thick jelly gleamed under the candlelight, almost prettily, and it made her giggle. 

"Strange…" she murmured, poking it with her finger, watching it bounce. Loki watched her amusedly as she wobbled her palm to see it dance. "Do you always need aids?"

Loki's brows raised, seemingly caught off guard. He sputtered a bit, "While there's nothing wrong with needing an aid, I like to pride myself in saying no I don't. I've had little trouble exciting my paramours enough for sex."

Adora frowned, "I thought we were waiting…"

"Oh, darling, we are," he hushed, capping the bottle and tossing it off the bed, successfully this time. It landed with a soft clatter on the floor. He brushed back her curls as a blotchy red creeped up his neck, "Tonight, I thought we'd just…touch."

"Show me," she replied, sticking out her palm for him. She pushed away the mental image of him with other paramours or her comparison to them.

Loki laughed lightly, taking her wrist and bringing it back beneath the covers. He winced when Adora's palm slid around his dick, and he flashed her a look, "'S cold. It'll warm up."

Hot and throbbing beneath her hand, thick enough that her fingers could hardly wrap all the way around. Adora enjoyed watching the way he shuddered. Loki seemed a coiled wire ready to snap just from her touch…and it ignited something within her. 

She pumped him slowly, reveling in the way his eyelids fluttered at the sensation, the soft groan and roll of his hips. Loki gripped her thigh and pulled her close, his cock trapped between their bellies and his leg between hers, then lunged in for a passionate kiss. 

"Fuck, you feel so good," Loki whimpered, making Adora’s heart swell with pride. 

He bucked into her hand as she moved it up and down, guiding her to squeeze lightly at the tip and twist her wrist as she came back to the base. When she went on her own without his guidance, Loki took his hand from her and slid it down in between them. 

His deft fingers slid down her stomach, and when they brushed her clit Adora pulled back with a gasp. Loki removed his hand from her in an instant. 

"We can stop, Adora," he said seriously. 

Adora shook her head, "I'm sorry, it surprised me."

She took his hand in the one not wrapped around his length and slid it back between her spread legs, keeping eye contact with him. When he touched her again, Adora let out a shuddering sigh. 

She was a little sensitive, but as Loki dipped further in and gathered up the slick that had formed, she let her eyes flutter shut. 

"No, no, no, look at me," Loki begged softly, and the pure yearning in his voice made her obey. "I wanna see my wife cum on my fingers."

Adora’s jaw dropped at his dirty words, but before she could playfully scold him he went to work, swirling her clit. Loki flashed her a satisfied smirk, pressing harder. 

Her thighs trembled around his hand, prompting her to jerk him off faster, more insistent. She nuzzled into him and let out a soft moan, "Ohh, Loki…"

Loki bucked harder into her hand, his thigh grinding into her cunt with fervor. His body pressed firmly against hers, hard and safe, the heat between them suffocating and freeing at the same time. They rocked together in tandem, groans of pleasure echoing against one another's lips under the covers in their consummation chamber. It was just them, nobody else, enjoying one another's touch. 

"Just let go, Adora. I'm right here," he murmured into her. "You're safe with me."

Adora moaned desperately, chasing the feeling of ecstacy she’d had before. Loki's sure hand turned, pressing his thumb to her clit and working her over. Her slick coated his thigh, his cock twitching in her hand. 

It crested with his words, her own excitement and nerves swelling in a moment of pleasure and safety. Adora only focused on this, the feeling of his body against hers, his own orgasm to make him feel just as good as she did. 

"Loki, Loki, Loki," she babbled as it overtook her. Adora's legs tightened around his like a vice, her sopping cunt clenching around nothing as blessed release flooded through her body. A sharp moan burst from her lips as Loki thrust hard into her palm. 

"My sweet wife. Adora, fuck-," he grunted, and through her blinding shudder of pleasure she felt him release into her hand. 

Hot sticky cum spurt through her fingers, but she kept her hand moving even as her head swam with it all. Her body went limp as it waned, and finally Loki's hand covered hers to stop her movements. She slid her hand from his cock and held it to her chest as Loki wrapped his arms around her. 

They both panted as they came down, clinging to one another as the sweat and cum on their bodies cooled. Adora nuzzled into his neck and sighed happily. 

It wasn't half as scary as she'd thought it would be, and just like he promised, Loki took care of her. No judgements, no disappointments, only consent and safety. Loki's fingertips grazed along her spine, dancing across her scar and up between her shoulder blades. He let out a long sigh and squeezed her before pulling back a bit. 

"Are you okay?"

Adora nodded under his jaw, "I'm wonderful."

Loki chuckled lightly, but Adora felt as he swallowed thickly, "How, uhm… how was it? For you?"

Adora got up on one elbow to eye him, and he watched her with obvious nerves. Adora gave him a soft smile as tears welled, “Oh, Loki, it was beautiful.”

His eyes lit up, his hand palming her back as confidence returned to him once more, “Yeah? You feel good that we did that? No regrets?”

“None,” Adora shook her head. She sniffled hard as her body threatened to cry, “My husband made me…cum, and it was a wondrous experience.”

Loki smirked and squeezed her again, “Oh, wife, to hear you say such dirty words…”

Adora blushed furiously, scrunching up her nose in embarrassment. Her own insecurity began to wash over her, so she asked in a small voice, “Did you enjoy it?”

Loki looked at her like she’d sprung a second head, smoothing his hand up to cup her jaw. His eyes blazed as he rubbed his thumb along her cheekbone, the scent of Adora’s sex and release still on his fingers. She found she didn’t mind the smell, rather enjoyed it, as well as the sweat and lust on them both.

“Adora, if I had it my way, I’d make you cum ten times a day forever just to hear those sounds,” he told her seriously. “To feel and see you let go… it was an honor.”

“Oh,” she whispered, but she keened at his praise. Adora glanced down between them, finally seeing the viscous spend on her hand, belly and breasts. She pulled her lip between her teeth and looked back to him. “As wonderful as it was, I am rather dirty now.”

Loki grunted an agreement and slipped out of the bed. He kissed her forehead and held out his hands, “Stay there.”

Adora watched curiously as he sauntered into the bathroom, his small perky backside a sight that made her flush bright red. The water ran from the tub and Loki came back wielding a washcloth. He settled on the bed next to her but instead of taking the covers off, slipped the cloth between them and helped her clean up.

“I started you a bath,” he said sweetly. “You can relax, have a glass of wine, and I’ll be out here if you need me.”

He tossed the washcloth on the nightstand before leaning over to kiss her forehead again. His lips pressed to her skin like he was sealing this night with a promise, and Adora let her eyes flutter shut for a moment until he pulled away.

Loki snatched the cloth on his way back to the bathroom, leaving Adora under the covers without her husband having seen her naked body. He didn’t even seem to mind, and hadn’t pressured her to show him. 

Warmth swelled in Adora’s chest, hot and visceral and more emotional than she could really handle. Her last sexual experience left her bruised and bloodied on a cold floor, and Loki kept her safe and unharmed, no pressure, no demands. His hands had been soft and leading, not hard and painful.

Adora found, much to her surprise, that she wanted more. A soft pulsing between her legs made her clench them tightly together, the thought of Loki’s sure fingers touching her once more exciting beyond measure.

Feeling brave, Adora bunched up the covers around her and slipped off the bed and toward the bathroom. 

Loki Odinson, her husband. She trusted him with this, and it was time to show it.

Series Masterlist | Smurph’s Masterlist

Notes: AGH I got so sweaty writing this. How can something so... relatively innocent compared to my other writings be so HOT? o.O

Marvel Tag:

@cjand10 @kbakery @nomajdetective @goldensunflowe-r @asiludida164 @50shadesofuncomfortable @readsbyrain @letstalkaboutshtuffff 

@emberenchanted @wintasssoldier @lizzieolseniskinda @openup-yourmind @princezzjasmine @antiheroest @sebsbelova @albinotigerpython @inosuke-4541 @bonkybarnes106 @broadwaybabe18 @sweetwrathoflilith @getwellsoontana @giftedyoungster3000 @daisychainsoflove @midnightvitality @saltyrunawaybread @cotton-candycloudz @ladylee76 @witchybabel @ria132love @cryssy @vampy-doll @vicmc624 @legendarytrashcopeclipse 

[incorrect-quotes-from-she-ra]

Glitra, "No more seats! Guess I have to sit on your lap"

“I’m not,” Glimmer snarls, “sharing a tent with Catra.”

“Why, princess,” Catra asks with a smug grin, “are you too scared to be so close to me? I promise I don’t bite.” Her eyes turn wicked and she leans forward. “Unless, of course, you want me to.”

Adora whacks Catra on the back of the head as Bow chortles and Glimmer gapes in shock. A low blush spreads across her cheeks. Perfuma gasps, a hand coming up to cover her mouth.

“Stop,” instructs Adora. “Catra, please, be normal.”

“Flirting with the prettiest person around is my normal,” Catra protests, shooting a wink at Glimmer, who tilts her head back and groans.

“Catra,” Perfuma says. She looks down at Catra from her considerable height, and Catra scowls.

“Alright,” she huffs, kicking at the dirt below her. Glimmer stifles a chuckle; Catra looks like an adorable child sulking because they didn’t get what they wanted.

A yelp from Scorpia, who’s carrying, like, fifty bags, distracts all of them. Adora rushes to help and Catra moves Entrapta, who’s buried in her tablet, out of the way.

“Okay,” Scorpia announces, three minutes later. “The luggage is stowed. We’re ready to go!”

Adora and Bow cheer; Catra rolling her eyes at their antics.

“Front seat!” Glimmer yells, and clambers into the passenger seat of the jeep, smiling at Scorpia, who’s going to be driving them to the campsite.

Catra takes one look at the backseat, where Entrapta, Perfuma, Adora and Bow are stuffed in, and shakes her head.

“We can squeeze in,” Adora says, very skeptically.

“I didn’t think this through,” Bow wails, burying his head in his hands. “I thought we’d all be able to fit- and, and-”

Catra shushes him. She saunters over the front seat and opens the door; Glimmer hisses at her.

“There’s no more seats,” Catra says, enjoying the way Glimmer’s eyes widen as she realizes what’s going to happen. “Guess I’m going to have to sit on your lap.”

She sprawls on Glimmer’s lap, and Glimmer can’t really protest, can’t she? The jeep is filled to bursting and if she refused Catra, she’d be selfish and an asshole.

And, also, well, Catra’s weight is really warm and cozy, and familiar, in a way. And it’s making Glimmer’s chest bubble with the feelings she’s been trying really hard to repress- because all of Catra’s teasing flirty lines are just that; teasing.

They don’t mean anything, and Glimmer forces that thought into her mind and keeps it there as Catra squirms on her lap, trying to get comfortable, and the jeep starts.

---

They’re half way through the drive when Catra twists around, so she’s sitting with shoulder pressed into Glimmer’s chest.

“Catra,” Glimmer hisses. Scorpia moves Catra’s feet, which were touching the gear box, away, and Glimmer now has to deal with a bundle of Catra, who’s hugging her knees and looking very innocently at Glimmer.

Catra’s sitting on her left thigh, and her feet are digging into Glimmer’s right thigh; her hands clutch her knees, preventing them from disturbing Scorpia.

Adora and Bow watch from the back, a sly grin spreading across Adora’s face.

Catra just continues to look at Glimmer with wide, innocent eyes. Glimmer bites back her remarks.

Scorpia hits the break, suddenly, and Catra screeches as she almost falls off Glimmer’s lap and into the dash.

Key word: almost. Glimmer’s hands come up instinctively, and she grabs Catra, who’s small enough for her hands to circle around Catra and keep her there.

“Aww,” Catra says, gleefully; “you want to keep me close.”

“I will let go,” Glimmer threatens.

Catra squeaks and scrambles closer to Glimmer’s chest, and Glimmer grins triumphantly.

---

They finally reach the camping site; Adora and Bow have dozed off on each other’s shoulders and Entrapta is glued excitedly to the window. Perfuma is humming along to whatever’s on the radio, Scorpia is driving, and Catra-

Well, Catra is napping on Glimmer. She’s got her head smushed up on Glimmer’s cheek and her arm is pushing up against Glimmer’s chest. It really should be uncomfortable but Glimmer’s only extraordinarily flustered and nervous about being this close to Catra.

Scorpia stops the jeep and beams, brightly; Entrapta lets out a squeal that wakes up the passengers, including Catra.

“Wha,” she grumbles, bleary eyes looking around. “Oh, look, we’re here. Great.”

Glimmer opens the doors and pushes Catra out, reveling in the squawk and the disbelief on Catra’s face as she tumbles onto the dusty ground.

Glimmer snickers.

---

They’re sitting around a campfire, and it’s just Adora, Glimmer, Bow and Catra left. Bow is strumming his guitar, and Catra is singing softly. Glimmer pretends to not care, but she’s always been really good acting, god, does she care. Catra’s voice is soft and husky and a little off-tune but Bow’s guitar picks up the warbles in her voice and make them sound intentional, beautiful.

She’s so lost in Catra’s singing that Glimmer doesn’t notice when Adora yawns and leaves, and Bow stops his guitar and throws a wink Catra’s way. Glimmer’s eyes are closed, and she’s swaying softly to Catra’s voice, which is trailing away.

“Don’t stop,” Glimmer says indignantly, opening her eyes. They widen as she realises it’s just her and Catra, and Catra’s looking at her with something in her eyes, something scrutinizing. Like she’s testing her, almost.

“What?” Glimmer asks weakly. The way Catra is looking at her would have been too much on its own, but memories of the way Catra felt in her arms are pressing to the forefront of her mind and with that and the way the firelight reflets off Catra’s skin, it’s too much. Glimmer can hardly breath, much less speak.

“Nothing,” Catra says after a while, and Glimmer scowls.

“Tell me,” she demands, and Catra grins at her. Make me.

Glimmer raises an eyebrow, and a minute later, she’s on Catra, tickling violently. Catra squeals out from under her, and Glimmer cackles, her fingers reaching the spot between Catra’s ribs that has her shaking with the force of her laughter, tears falling down her face.

They grapple for a few more moments; and Catra cries out, “Okay, okay, I yield!”. Her voice is alight with joy, despite Glimmer currently being on top of Catra, bracketing her slim hips with her thighs.

“Tell me,” Glimmer repeats, and Catra sighs. She flicks her eyes from side to side, and then, in a quick moment, leans up and presses her lips to Glimmer’s.

“I-” Glimmer squeaks out.

Catra’s smiling; it’s a little sad and self-deprecating. “Yeah,” she says, and tries to push Glimmer off her.

“I- you-”

“Move, Sparkles.”

“You kissed me.” Glimmer manages.

“I did. Get off me.” Catra pushes again, but Glimmer hasn’t been doing all those squats for nothing.

“And you didn’t give me time to kiss back, dumbass.”

Catra’s mouth falls open, and Glimmer snickers.

---

They end up sharing a tent.  

///

thanks for reading!! currently not accepting any prompts, but i'm working on answering pending ones :)

[sometipsygnostalgic]

How do you interpret Adora's "I just want to be the hero she deserves" about Glimmer?

If Catra's series-wide struggle is learning to look out for others and let go of being the Villain, Adora's is learning to look out for herself and let go of being the Hero.

When Angella dies, she says "take care of each other". Adora, god bless, interprets it as "take care of Glimmer". She believes Angella's final dying wish was for her to do everything she could to look after Glimmer, not understanding that Angella wanted this to be reciprocal, and sacrificed herself to protect Adora, NOT She-Ra.

Adora thinks that she has to work extra hard to be worth the Queen's sacrifice. She has to become Glimmer's white knight, her champion. And Adora's attitude not only pushes against Glimmer's insecurities, making her feel weak, lonely and inadequate, it leaves Adora's own vulnerabilities wide open for Glimmer to lash out on!

Glimmer's kind of a spoilt brat. She really does care about her friends and she has deep insecurities, but everything about her is someone who grew up in privilege and has little understanding of other people's lives. Thus, she thinks she has to work harder than everyone else to defeat the Horde, but she also thinks she Deserves a lot of things too. Like the power that comes with responsibility, or respect from her friends and family, things other characters - like Adora and the Horde - DON'T think they can have.

So when she sees Adora trying her hardest to protect her and keep her out of battle, she doesn't think "Adora's working way too hard for my sake and I should go be her friend", she's thinking, "Adora's gotten high on being the mighty She-Ra and she and Bow keep abandoning me for glory missions while I'm isolating myself in the castle". Glimmer even starts laughing at Adora, with someone who she had previously sided 100% against, Adora's abuser, to validate her own feelings.

Glimmer's thoughts on Shadow Weaver are dynamic, interesting, and fucked up. You can really tell with this character that Glimmer has a completely black and white view on her enemies. Either Shadow Weaver is a manipulative evil horde mother playing mind games on Adora and needs to be kept far away from her, or Shadow Weaver "has done nothing wrong" and is giving her the power and validation she so desperately craves after her mother passed away. Glimmer's headstrong black and white views make her easy bait for Shadow Weaver to turn against Adora and use for power. But Shadow Weaver was walking into a trap - she underestimated bow headstrong Glimmer really is, and how much her manipulation had emboldened her, and got rejected as soon as she suggested Glimmer needed Adora.

Adora sees Glimmer turning against herself in favour of Shadow Weaver, and is increasingly uncomfortable with her position in the Alliance. Adora had already been taught by SW and Light Hope that her worth as a person was tied to how long she could go on without letting them down, and very quickly, Glimmer was starting to make their friendship feel conditional, and blame her for things that were not her fault.

When Glimmer blames Adora for her mother's death, it's everything Adora feared - the confirmation of her own deepest self doubts. She breaks down and refuses to talk to Glimmer, deciding that friendship is out of the cards, and her only worth to her is as She-Ra.

Of course, when she finds out from Mara that the whole She-Ra thing was a scam, that Light Hope set her up and she's destined to be a weapon, not a saviour of the planet? It gives Adora an existential crisis, but also gives her an incredibly significant objective more important than anything else - disable the Heart of Etheria and make sure nobody can use it. Bow, watching Mara's final recordings by her side, takes this on too.

Glimmer's actions in "Fractures" force Adora and Bow against the wall. They have been told someone from the Horde that they know is on Beast Island, a place where nobody comes back. If they rescue her, she has the best chance of being able to disable the Heart of Etheria.

Glimmer thinks the Heart can be used as a weapon against the Horde. She really wants the Horde to suffer, and she is resentful at Entrapta for joining them, and absolutely does not want a rescue mission to take place. It's not because of Bow and Adora's safety, or she could have stopped them - it's because the entire mission undermines both her dehumanising of the enemy Horde and her ability to fight back against them.

But for Bow and Adora, it's not a matter of politics and war, it's about doing the right thing. First of all, unlike Glimmer, they still believed in Entrapta as their friend, and were absolutely never going to postpone her rescue. Secondly, they needed to do whatever they could to stop the Heart of Etheria as per Adora's promise to Mara.

So these factors override Adora's principles of being the perfect Champion for Glimmer - she is forced to choose between what Glimmer thinks is practical and what she thinks is right. And Adora has already turned on a friend she made a promise to before, to do the right thing.

When they're on Beast Island, Adora becomes plagued by doubts about leaving Glimmer and fucking up her role as Champion. She loses the ability to transform as She-Ra, with everything about her destiny no longer making sense. She almost succumbs to the signal.

But Adora realises, at this lowest point, that she took Angella's final words completely wrong - that it's not her duty to protect Glimmer, that all Angella wanted was for them both to be happy, and that they need each other as friends, not as She-Ra and Queen Glimmer. This clarity of her place gives Adora the confidence to power through Beast Island, and her high on being able to choose her own path allows her to break the Sword of Protection later.

Adora struggles further with her destiny in season 5, but her Glimmer-specific issues are put to one side.

Also, big shout out to Bow this season??? Imo season 5 is a better showing for him, but he was supporting Adora through everything Glimmer put her through.

Bow's belief in friendship took a real knock in season 4, but he was able to make the right choices. Not just in leaving Glimmer, his best friend in the world, for Beast Island, but his empathy for what others are going through.

Bow understands that Glimmer needs her friends around, not She-Ra, as much as she may say otherwise. He's able to recognise when Glimmer is manipulating him.

Bow believes completely in Entrapta despite everything she's done and is the first character in the Rebellion to connect with her emotionally, with them both feeling lost over fallen friendships on Beast Island.

Bow understands Adora's tendencies to put others over herself, and reels them in, especially obvious after Glimmer gets kidnapped. He tells her she needs rest and generally looks out for her, empathising with her plight over Mara.

Anyway that's all for this post. There's way more that can be discussed, especially with Glimmer, but here's Adora's arc in season 4.

[aprillikesthings]

Okay so uh. I turned the blurb up there in zero draft into...most of a sex scene.

(The glass of wine I had earlier probably helped ahaha....but so did Janis Joplin. Who, as I won't stop pointing out, was bisexual herself; I feel like she'd approve of my writing two women fucking while listening to her on repeat)

I'm gonna go ahead and post it here, in part because...it's not The Scene for this fic tbh (that one happens before they even KISS) but also because this might get heavily edited anyway.

Or not. Tbh I think this is hot as fuck lol, I might leave it as-is other than, uh, adding to it so Catra gets her turn--tho this scene is from her POV

(also if my f/s/d keys could work consistently that'd be greaaaaat ffs)

(it's just over 750 words)

Catra’s barely sat down on the mattress before Adora’s straddling her lap and kissing her desperately. 

The blood rushes to other places so quickly that Catra’s dizzy. Or maybe it’s the lack of air from the ravenous way they’re kissing. 

But her neck is at a bit of an awkward angle like this, and before she can get a crick in it, she breaks the kiss to press her lips along Adora’s jaw, her ear, down her neck, and bite down where it meets her shoulder. 

Adora gasps and starts rocking into her lap, and Catra shoves up her shirt, and despite Adora’s bra she gropes and rubs her face into her chest for a moment. Adora stops rocking to reach down and grab the hem of her shirt and pull it off all the way, then reaches back to unhook her bra and toss it aside, and Catra groans and kisses her breasts, her hands on Adora’s bare back. 

She experimentally lets a nipple slip into her mouth. Adora gasps and grinds down, hard. 

Catra lies back and watches Adora moving, encouraging her with hands on her hips.

Which is when she realizes that Adora’s miniskirt has started to get bunched up. And at this angle she can see all the way up Adora’s thighs. 

“Fuck.” It’s not that Adora’s panties are anything special, necessarily. It’s just the way they’re hidden but not. She runs her hands up the inside of Adora’s thighs, agonizingly slowly, pushing up the material of the skirt until her hands are brushing against the hems of her underwear. It’s enough to make Catra twitch and clench around nothing.

Adora huffs, and Catra looks up at her. 

Oh, she’s going to die right then and there. Adora’s skirt is bunched up nearly to her waist, she’s completely topless, and she’s looking at Catra with a mix of hunger and self-consciousness as she bites her bottom lip. 

“God, I–fuck,” is all Catra manages to get out, her voice rough. But somehow that’s the right thing to say, going by Adora’s face somehow getting redder along with the start of a shy smile.

“Your turn.” 

“To what?” For once Catra’s the confused one. In her defense, Catra is finally allowing herself to stare at Adora’s breasts instead of forcing herself to look away the way she’s done since Adora started puberty.

“To take off your shirt.” 

Oh, right. Catra sits up just enough to yank her t-shirt over her head. Her bandana catches on it and comes off, too, turning her hair into a wild mess. She wasn’t wearing a bra.

She’s barely laid back down before Adora’s hands are on her chest and Catra’s arching into it. That feels a lot better than she expected. 

Adora bends down to kiss her, their chests sliding against each other, and Adora still moving against her. 

Catra wraps her arms around Adora’s back, and then rolls them over so she’s on top before pulling back from the kiss. 

“Are you grinding on the seam of my jeans?” 

Adora stills. “I can stop–” 

But Adora cuts off with a strangled sound as Catra rocks her hips into Adora, hard. 

“I want you to.” 

“Yeah?” She’s smiling, the hunger coming back into her face.

“Do it.” 

Adora wraps her legs around Catra’s hips, grabs her jeans, and pulls her in.

It takes a minute to get a rhythm going, and then Catra’s just along for the ride given how hard Adora is gripping onto her waistband, fingers in the belt loops and her feet pushing against Catra’s ass as she moves. 

Adora’s hair is a mess, halo’ed behind her. Her face is red and her eyes are squeezed shut and she’s pressing her lips into a thin line in a desperate, mostly ineffective attempt at quieting the sounds that keep escaping from her.

Catra moves up just long enough to kiss her and make her open her mouth. Adora whines at the interruption but she doesn’t close her mouth after that, panting around her little whines and moans.

They’re listening to Janis Joplin downstairs. 

“And I said, oh, whoa, oh!” Janis sings.

“Ah, ah, oh!” Adora says, the hands on Catra’s jeans shaking and her eyes flying open to look at Catra–she nearly loses the rhythm at that–before her head is thrown back and she’s silent for a long moment, then makes a series of breathy whines as her hips jerk, and then Adora’s body lets go of all tension at once, her legs even dropping onto the bed.

“Holy shit,” Catra whispers. 

Adora looks up at her and winces. “God, sorry, I–”

“Don’t you dare apologize for that.” 

(tbh, I hate to say it, but this might end up either edited or cut entirely, because I want them to move slower than this! But we'll see. It's really difficult to write them being shy/slow with this stuff, because they're both so horny for each other!!--but in the fic they're also both just really nervous about this stuff. But I think Adora's plenty nervous here. I dunno, man! Tell me what you think.)

okay last post about my fic for a while but

this is one of the funniest zero-drafts of a sex scene I've ever written lolol

Okay i just really want a scene of Adora in a miniskirt and she straddles Catra and Catra is like nnghhhgh thighs i can see yr undies i’m going to die of horny and she slides her hands up Adora’s thighs and nearly comes on the spot

copy/pasted verbatim, and I'm 99% sure I was high when I wrote that

[roselevesque]

Enemies to lovers has such a wide range of meanings depending on who you talk to. And it's kind of fascinating.

I can go around, asking for recommendations on books/shows/movies which contain this trope ( either canonically or as a big fanon thing ) and the answers can range from something like She-ra with Catra ans Adora, where the people actually act as enemies for a duration of the story, to Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens who are probably as far away from this concept as you can get.

That is to say, compared to straight best friends to lovers, this trope seems to attract a bigger variety of relationships that would be labelled as enemies to lovers simply from the fact that people have very different definitions of what an enemy is.

Enemy is a heavy term, in my opinion. When you genuinely claim someone is your enemy, it doesn't just mean that you are annoyed by their presence at times or that you simply compete against each other. No.

An enemy is someone you hold much more hostile feelings towards. You don't only dislike them, you hate them or what they stand for. You don't only act against them, you may very well cause them extreme distress as a consequence of your actions, intentionally or not.

I don't know about others, but personally, I wouldn't call most people who get on my nerves or don't like me and express it an enemy.

As such, I personally find it hard to categorize anything as enemies to lovers when: A) whatever conflict they might have had barely lasted ( ex: Rayla and Callum from The Dragon Prince ) and B) the nature of said conflict doesn't put them in a position where they effectively oppose each other and aren't on the same side emotionally, ideologically and/or socially ( ex: Kageyama and Hinata from Haikyuu )

In the second case, I find myself often thinking that what many label enemies to lovers would actually better fit the rivals to lovers trope: two people who compete against and can antagonise each other, but aren't pushing past a certain threshold.

Let's look at Sasuke and Naruto from Naruto for a second to underline the disntiction. Before Sasuke left Konoha, they were clearly rivals, called even in canon as such through the entirety of Part 1. They didn't always get along and threw insults around, but ultimately it was a lot more innocent compared to their Shippuden selves. At that point they were legit enemies. Naruto sure wished they weren't, but their goals aligned in such a way that a serious clash would be inevitable.

Now, let's look at Luz and Amity from The Owl House. They don't start off on great terms, far from it. Their first serious interaction ends with Luz challenging Amity to a duel because of the latter's mean attitude towards her and her friend. Immediately after the duel the two share a quiet and short heart to heart and not much later they are forced to work together and their relationship goes upwards from that point with Amity even developing a crush on Luz.

They had negative moments in the beginning, but they are a small portion of the show and, even then, they don't cross that threshold I mentioned. Heck, Luz herself compares them to The Witch Azura and her rival ( characters from a book series she loves ) and flat out refers to Amity as a rival, although the actual rivalry activities they undertake were concentrated in those first few interactions.

In short, you can have characters who don't necessarily get along most of the time and not fall under the enemies to lover or even the rivals to lovers dynamic. There are plenty of people who have neutral or even bad opinions about another person before they eventually start to be on good terms, this doesn't make them rivals or enemies though.

And sometimes I do wonder if all of these varied views on the enemies to lovers label stem from the fact that an enemy in its purest definition is quite a foreign concept to us all.

Fiction is already an exaggeration tool, because we are hardly likely to ever encounter stuff on the sheer scale they are presented in fantasy, no matter how realistic they might be portrayed. This includes enemies to lovers.

It's hard for us to reconcile this idea and our minds at times. How likely are you to ever hear of a true story about people who started out on completely divergent grounds going from that to loving each other? Especially in an action/battle heavy environment? Or in a world divided by life or death turmoil? Close to none.

As such, so we can digest it easier, we lower the requirements for what can qualify as enemies to lovers and we point at those ships and say: "This is a good enemies to lovers story", when the shoe doesn't really fit.

[catrasredemption-moved]

Catra passing out during a meeting due to her ED?

Trigger warning: Eating Disorder

It started the same way it always did - with skipping a meal.

Catra had been in Salineas for a few days, largely alone. Glimmer checked in when she could, Adora called at night and they talked, but she was halfway across Etheria working on something else, and Glimmer was needed in Bright Moon, and Catra actually had no idea where Bow was. Which left Catra alone. In Salineas.

She didn't have to come here, as Adora had reminded her over and over. She'd already done plenty of work getting everything organized and making sure the right supplies were delivered to the right place. But what good was a punishment if no one could see it?

Melog mrowled from their spot in the sun, blue eyes fixed on Catra. This is not meant to be a punishment.

"Yeah, yeah," Catra muttered, stopping to roll her shoulders and take a deep breath. It was another long day of clearing debris. How was there not a rock princess? There was a plant princess, and a water one, and a snow one, there had been a fire one, but no rocks? Really? So stupid. "You know what I mean."

That if no one sees you suffering then it doesn't count as repenting?

"Okay, well when you put it like that..."

"Catra!"

She groaned. Somehow, against every single odd, Sea Hawk had taken a liking to her. Glimmer had joked once that it was because of hers and Mermista's similar personalities, and Sea Hawk's unending need to be loved by everyone.

Glimmer hadn't made that joke again.

"My dearest Mermista has sent me to-"

"It's lunch time," Catra cut Sea Hawk off. "Just say it's lunch time. You can say it's lunch time without announcing that you're dating Mermista for everyone within twenty miles to hear."

Somehow, his stupid grin didn't waver. Catra's annoyed attitude probably wasn't too scary when Melog immediately launched themself at Sea Hawk, circling his legs and purring. They thought Sea Hawk was funny. And everyone knew they largely reflected Catra's emotions, so of course assumptions were made.

The pirate kept up a steady babble the entire way back to the makeshift cafeteria that had been set up for workers. It was easy enough to tune out, letting Catra focus on other things.

Like the multiple glares that turned to her when they stepped inside. Mermista had made it clear on the first day of work that anyone who bothered Catra would be spending the night in a cell. She was hear on good faith, with the word of Bright Moon's queen and She-Ra that she wouldn't hurt anyone, and only wanted to help fix her mistakes. And no one had said anything to her. Yet. But glares spoke a million words.

Melog rumbled, mane flickering between blue and purple. Sea Hawk was still talking, completely oblivious.

"And then it caught fire, can you believe-"

"Uh, who're you talking to?" Mermista asked, raising an eyebrow at Sea Hawk.

"Catra, of course-"

He turned to gesture, only to find the girl long gone.

"I'll get food later," Catra muttered to Melog as she hurried back to her workplace. "I'm not hungry."

You haven't eaten since this morning.

"Well I'm fine. I just want to get back to work."

It was well after dark by the time she finally called it a day and hurried to bed under Melog's cloak of invisibility.

And everything unraveled.

Sea Hawk, it turned out, could take a hint, and stopped trying to bring Catra to meals, which was relatively surprising. Of course, he started bringing the meals to Catra, which was possibly worse, because she had excuse to avoid it other than pretending she didn't hear him serenading Melog, and well... that was hard to miss. So she relented every now and again to take a couple bites of whatever he brought before going back to work.

Two days. She made it through two days.

She probably could have gone longer if the timing hadn't coincided with the weekly Alliance update. She was just leaving her room when a pair of hands grabbed her shoulders; the world turned, and then she was being pushed into Adora's waiting arms.

"For fuck's sake, Sparkles," Catra groaned into Adora's shoulder as she waited for the world to stop spinning.

"Oh, don't act like you're not happy to be home," Glimmer said dismissively, leaving Adora and Catra to their reunion. Home. It still had a weird ring to it. Nice. But... weird.

They settled in for their meeting, Adora keeping a tight hold on Catra's hand, like she was afraid Catra would disappear. Maybe a tail draped across her lap would help ease some of her worries.

Scorpia started the meeting with an update on the Fright Zone, which Catra only felt mildly guilty about not listening to. Scorpia called her almost every night to show her the progress and talk about it - Catra was fair sure she could give this report just as well as the kingdom's own princess. Melog brushed against her knee, making a concerned sound, and earning her several worried looks. Adora's was the only one she responded to, with a slight shake of her head. Melog was just being dramatic. She was fine. She'd... get a ration bar after the meeting. Yeah. That'd be fine.

She ignored the way her throat closed up at the thought.

Adora kept one hand wrapped tight around Catra's, thumb brushing against her knuckles, while the other hand petted her tail. She was cool to the touch. Not cold, but cool enough that she could tell the difference. Catra was always a little warmer than other people. They assumed it was just a natural part of being what she was.

Which made it all the more concerning that Adora could feel the difference beneath her fur.

The noises Melog was making also weren't helping. But Adora couldn't fuss. Catra hated it when she fussed. She'd just make sure Catra got something good to eat before she went back to Salineas. It would fine.

Mermista was halfway through giving her own report when Adora felt Catra lean over to rest on her shoulder. That was already worrying enough - even handholding was usually a bit too much for Catra in public. But she endured for Adora's sake. But this show of weakness? Never.

Then the tail in Adora's lap went slack. She reacted without thinking, bracing Catra as she slipped out of her seat. The meeting immediately descended into chaos.

"What's wrong?"

"Wildcat?!"

"Is she okay?"

"Guys, quiet!"

Adora slid out of her seat to lower Catra to the floor and let her rest in her lap. Melog mewled sadly, nudging her cheek.

"Adora?"

Glimmer knelt with them, worry shining in her eyes. "Room or infirmary?"

That was a good question. Adora bit her lip, thinking it over. "Room," she said finally. They could reevaluate when Catra woke up.

Glimmer helped them get upstairs and get situated, then went down to the kitchen to get someone started on making soup. Adora didn't want to jump to conclusions, but...

It only took a few minutes for Catra to wake up, thankfully. Melog was half lying on her, watching her with wide eyes, Adora lying beside her, anxiety filled eyes also fixed on her.

"What happened?" Catra mumbled, getting her arms under herself and pushing herself up on her elbows. Melog immediately pushed her down again.

"You passed out in the middle of the meeting. Any idea why?" Catra grimaced, hiding under the blanket. "Catra-"

"I just freaked out, okay?" Her voice was small and high pitched. "Everyone was glaring at me everywhere I went, and I just... I just wanted to get away from it, and it was worse during meals, so I..."

Stopped eating. She didn't need to finish the sentence. Adora sighed, propping herself up on her elbow and reaching out with her other hand to pull the blanket away. Catra squeezed her eyes shut, but not before Adora saw the tears.

"Split a ration bar with me?"

She knew soup was coming, but the old familiarity helped sometimes. Catra dragged an arm across her eyes, nodding once. Adora rolled over and leaned over the edge of the bed; she reached under and grabbed the box she'd gotten from Scorpia months ago. No one wanted ration bars - no one except two broken girls who couldn't handle change.

"Here."

Adora settled back next to Catra, opening the bar and breaking it in half. It was exactly as good as ration bars ever were, but there was a weird comfort in it. Catra snuggled into Adora's side, taking small bites, tears still clinging to her eyebrows.

"I don't get it," Adora said after a minute.

"I don't either," Catra ground out, curling in slightly on herself. "I don't like it. It was just one meal."

"Would it help if I-"

"No, Adora, it wouldn't help if you came to Salineas to babysit me all day." Catra rolled away, blankets wrapping tight around her as she balled up tighter. "You can't fix everything."

"I... I don't want to fix you. I mean, I do. I mean..." Adora groaned, frustrated. Why weren't there words? "I know it's not that easy." That was a little better. "I just want to help."

Catra was quiet, save for a few small sniffles. Her shoulders jumped slightly with each hitch of breath. "Why?" she finally said quietly. Adora smiled a little.

"Because I love you, silly." The answer had no hesitation. Catra was still for another moment before she rolled over to bury her face in Adora's shirt. Adora held her tight, brushing her hair back. She didn't always know what to say, but this didn't require words. She just had to hold Catra until she was ready to talk.

And they'd take it from there.

[etheriadearie]

“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

[soranis-sunshadow]

Hordak can’t catch a break even on his birthday...

Oh fandom, you really like this sort of drama don’t you? 

A few days ago, on Hordak’s birthday, there was this ‘interesting’ post in the tag – since, apparently it’s impossible to get any peace even on that day.

I was  too tired to answer it at the time after being on call the day before so, here’s my delayed answer to all of that:

First off: this post has this bit in it when asked what that person dislikes about SPOP.

 He doesn’t need to get a redemption and he doesn’t get one in the show. 

None of his actions constitute a redemption arc. The man merely acknowledged his personhood and freed himself from his master and God. That’s what his arc was about: the right to have a personal identity. 

He gave himself a name and wanted to be his own person. That’s it. That’s all he wanted.

The man was merely freed from Prime’s influence- an influence he was born into since he’s been specifically manufactured to serve as a disposable mass produced soldier and worshipper of Prime.

 If the argument that Catra was “forced” to commit crimes and thus she is not completely guilty of them since she was under duress – then the argument doubly holds for a person who has been directly programmed and conditioned to do so under the threat of death or mental rape (purification).\

Even while away from Prime, he was still conditioned to obey and brainwashed by Prime’s cult. He literally knew nothing else – he was not meant to. It’s how indoctrination works.  

Prime’s clones aren’t people to Prime, they are tools. Those clones, while cut off from Prime still want to serve and please him: That’s what Wrong Hordak’s purpose in the show is- to show us just that.

Hordak is not considered “OK”  because Entrapta likes him. Hordak is merely shown – by Entrapta that he could live apart from his cult and have worth outside what Prime tells him he has. 

Just like real life cult victims, he needs an outsider to help him see a way out of the cult. The nature of indoctrination and brainwashing makes it impossible for the brainwashed person to know they are brainwashed unless someone points it out.

Now for my favorite thing:

and

oh and

Oh boy… this makes me just so damn uncomfortable.

To offer a bit of context as to why. I have never been on social media before SPOP or in any fandom and as such, I have never encountered the ‘all men are evil’ discourse that seems to infest these places. It’s been quite a bit of culture shock for me. 

What is it that makes anyone think it is ok to judge a person because of an accident of birth? (being born male)

Why does hate for 50% of the human population get such a free pass on these platforms? Misandry is just as terrible as misogyny. You are being biased against another human because of their gender. I don’t care that males are perceived as ‘privileged’ – that doesn’t make it ok to be terrible to them unprovoked. 

How does hating all men help achieve equity?

Do you realize that this sort of discourse is exactly how you radicalize people against the very cause you are championing? You breed hate and adversity for the rest of us who actually want to to have a discussion on the topic. 

I’m a feminist myself (in a country where feminism is hard-work) and let me tell you, making all men hate us does nothing but push away potential allies and make it a lot harder for our voices to be heard.

Feminism is about equality, not women dominating.

Now onto the second post: the one comparing Catra and Hordak with the question of which of them is a better person. 

This whole war orphans that were personally abducted and tortured into serving the horde HC that some ppl have is really starting to get boorish. This has been going on for more than 6 months. 

I have no idea why everyone thinks he went down chimneys and stealing babies left and right while cackling villainously. The man had a busy schedule of brooding in his lab, wallowing at his inability to use insulated cables and having his device blowing up in his face with the occasional Skype call to Shadow Weaver to see what the Horde is doing. 

And yet, to a part of the fandom, this is what he looked like:

( @bat-burrito​ made this one and it’s glorious) 

And if you don’t believe me about the lab recluse thing, you don’t have to, the show pretty much states it for me. 

and 

+

Hordak is a recluse that stayed in his lab and let the running of the Horde and most operations to Shadow Weaver and later Catra. He did not personally abuse anyone and he is not the origin of the cycle of abuse.

Shadow Weaver was a child grooming manipulative woman before she even joined the Horde – she did this to Micah while she was not “evil” or presumably abused by Hordak.

Even if you want to HC that Hordak abused her somehow, he is still not the one who started the cycle: Horde Prime is. 

The whole fandom seems to forget about the eldritch monstrosity that created a whole army of brainwashed slaves to worship and die for him. Prime is the one that sent Hordak to die and gave him the motivation to try to prove himself worthy of life and love. If you want to point fingers, point them at the origin of all of this. This fandom has a strange Prime blindness. He is never talked about when it comes to being the start of all of this.

If Prime didn’t exist, Hordak wouldn’t exist. If Prime hadn’t sent Hordak off to die, then his clone wouldn’t have accidentally ended up on Etheria. None of the things in the show would have happened.

Adora would have died of exposure in a field, the monarchies on Etheria would have continued as they are and the planet would have continued to exist in despondos. 

He is a dictator, yes. So are the princesses. Monarchies are dictatorships where the ruler is born into power. Hordak gained his through military might while Glimmer was born with hers and enforced it with tradition. I don’t really care to play “who’s the better dictator”. The princesses have their power because of the runestones- magical rocks put there by the First Ones to channel the planet’s magic and use it as a weapon. How come no one talks about that?

Do you think a king/queen keeps their crown without effort or subjugation of their subjects? 

Also, Hordak had never interacted with Catra before SW dragged her before him to be judged. He was indifferent to etherians in general and didn’t seem to care which of them were his underlings so long as the operations were running smoothly. He was more focused on his portal and returning home than on anything else. He did not set out to “ruin lives” or quest for power. What he wanted was to return to his deity and become a mindless part of the whole again – that is as opposite to power hungry as you can get.

Catra was directly abused by Shadow Weaver throughout her childhood. That makes Shadow weaver responsible for 100% of that abuse.

Catra was found in a box by Adora and adopted by Shadow Weaver. Hordak didn’t know or care that she existed.

He is responsible for the war, he is responsible for the war casualties and the property damage. He is not responsible for Shadow Weaver being a terrible person and mother figure.

Again with the orphan thing. We have 5 cadets in the show. 

Adora was found in a field. 

Catra was found in a box. Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio are unexplained. The only lizard ppl we see in the show are in the Horde or the Crimson Wastes. The other two could just as well be the children of some of the soldiers. 

I may harp on about what a bitch Shadow Weaver is – the reason I do so is because she is legitimately terrible to the two girls in her care.

I was the unfavorite growing up, I WAS the Catra in my family who could do no right while my sibling was the golden child. I don’t however hate Shadow Weaver. She is a cartoon character in a show and she does the things she was written to do. Hell, she is a very compelling and believable villain. Her motivations are clear and she is consistent. Her voice actress portrayed her splendidly and her character design is superb. I like her but that doesn’t mean that I don’t acknowledge her role in the story. I don’t however make up parts of the story to make her more evil than she was or treat my headcanons about her as absolute fact. 

Again, sigh: Prime is the worst villain in the show. He is quite literally Nyarlathotep and does this to planets: 

 This to people: 

and this to the people he created to serve, worship and love him: 

How is that not worse?

I love Catra and it genuinely annoys me when people erase her agency or try to paint her as one-dimensional victim. Catra was an antagonist for most of the show and she rocked it! She was 400% more efficient at it than cloneboy. Give the queen some damn respect and recognition! Catra had a lot of agency and her actions moved the plot of the show more than those of the protagonists. (they were mostly reactive).

Catra pulled the lever of the portal in a moment of distress after a breakdown, a Shadow-Weaver related breakdown because that’s how trauma works.

Hordak didn’t make her do it, he didn’t send Catra after Adora either. These were Catra’s choices. They came from a place of hurt but they were her choices still.

The portal was a means of transportation, not a weapon. Building it was not Catra’s mission, it was Hordak’s. He built it so he could contact Prime and either summon him here or go home –whichever course of action Prime wanted. Again, Hordak wanted to go back to this:

...

The only person who knew the device was dangerous was Entrapta and she tried to warn Hordak about it. Catra was the one who stopped her, violently so, then sent her to die on Beast Island- the fate Entrapta saved her from a season ago. Catra then tried to have Hordak open the portal before it was ready.

When he wouldn’t – she pulled the lever herself because that is how desperate she had gotten at that point, to show Shadow Weaver how wrong she was. That is how hurt Catra was by her mother figure’s betrayal and abuse.

Don’t take that away from her. Don’t call it curiosity or naivete or whatever. She knew the portal was dangerous but she wanted to prove Shadow Weaver wrong so badly that she didn’t care at that point. She had been pushed that far. 

Catra’s actions led to Angella’s death but she was not directly responsible for it. She didn’t activate the device to kill Angella, it merely happened accidentally. Catra was however glad it happened and wanted to profit from the aftermath of her death.  

Hordak didn’t care or plan to kill Angella personally. There is no in-show moment where any of that is portrayed. Since he doesn’t care about the specifics of running the horde seem to know what they are conquering at the moment, it seems that that was usually a task reserved for his second in command. 

^ - troop movement ordered by Catra

Hordak doesn’t even know what his own army is doing.

Again with the Hordak “drilling into orphan’s minds”… I seriously doubt that any of them had ever seen him out of his lab or that he came up with the propaganda himself.

Manipulation is more Shadow Weaver’s game not his. For all of Hordak’s faults, he is not deceptive or manipulative. If anything, he is woefully incapable of spotting lies. (it might have something to do with him being born in a society where lies were almost impossible because of the hive mind and Prime being able to browse his thoughts at a whim- as such, it wouldn’t be a skill he would have been able to develop).

Hordak canonically despises deception and lies.  I really don’t understand where this image of a manipulative and cunning Hordak comes from. He wouldn’t be able to plot himself out of a paper bag if his life depended on it.

First off.. S4 Catra was his equal, not his subordinate. Don’t take that away from her. She earned it.

He doesn’t look that threatening here... 

And again:  Prime created the system. He made clone slaves and programmed them to serve. His clones have hardware installed for the express reason to facilitate his control over them. He has a religion in place to make sure their thoughts do not stray from his purpose. I am legitimately boggled by this fandom’s tendency to completely forget about his existence.Does anyone really think that these people that are born “prechipped” and programmed to know nothing but Prime’s Light are really knowledgeable about human morality?

That they would know that conquest is bad when that is the express reason for their creation? 

If I were born in that situation, I’m not sure I would have known any better. Hell, if any of the clones even try to disobey Prime, they would get either mindraped (erased) or killed for the effort. They really have no choice, even if they knew that killing in Prime’s name is wrong (they don’t) they really can’t do anything about it. They have no choice but to be what they were made to be. I find it personally abhorrent when these designer slaves are held accountable for what Prime has made them do.

And to the people that say Hordak was free of Horde Prime once he was stranded on Etheria.. That is not how indoctrination works. The fact that I can’t go to church this Sunday because I’m locked in the house and can’t find the keys doesn’t make me an atheist.

Hordak was serving Prime even on Etheria. He keeps mentioning it to both Entrapta and Catra. He started the war because that’s what he thought Prime wanted of him and that’s what he’s been programmed to do. Personal and informed choice really doesn’t factor into his decision at all.

He is not sympathetic because Entrapta likes him. Notice how I haven’t brought up his relationship with her up to this point?

He is sympathetic because he literally had no choice but to do the things he was indoctrinated into doing. He was build and programmed for it, just like all the other clones. They are not able to deviate from that because of the way Prime functions and rules over them.

There is no point in the show where Hordak relishes over his status as a ruler or the “luxury” it affords him. He does not engage in the same behaviors his progenitor manifests.

There is no point in the show where Hordak relishes over his status as a ruler or the “luxury” it affords him. He does not engage in the same behaviors his progenitor manifests. He attempts to emulate Prime in order to project authority in the only way he knows how but since those are some really big shoes to fill, he is woefully inadequate. 

If Hordak had been power hungry, he would have stayed in despondos and ruled his own faction. Being away from Prime is the most powerful and autonomous he’s ever been and yet, he wants to throw all of that away in order to be a powerless, nameless part of the whole. What Hordak wanted was to be enslaved by Prime because that’s what he had been created for.

“vengeful” – and how did Hordak manifest this vengefulness? Who did he take revenge on in the series?  

“apologize” – when and where in his 3 minutes of screentime would he remember everything after 2 mindwipes, realize that the whole worldview he had since inception is wrong, realize that he had been mistaken into doing the horrible things he did and then go to all of the characters and apologize for it?

Would anyone be convinced of that had it happened in 3 minutes? I’d rather they don’t redeem him than do a shit job at it.

Very true. He’s not a better person. He’s just a person in an impossible situation. Both Hordak and Catra were handed a raw deal, I don’t understand why everyone insists on pitting them against one another. They both did bad things and they were both in horrible situations. The specifics don’t really matter since neither of them would have done the things they did had they been more fortunate.

This is the exact reason for which I don’t hold Cara’s actions against her. Catra’s only model of success was Shadow Weaver. She emulated her abusive mother figure because she had no other example and because she wanted to please that woman. It does not excuse the way Catra acted but it explains it.

I really don’t understand why some people want Catra punished. I’d rather she get love and help. That is what she needs. In time, she will want to do better and be better by herself. She doesn’t need to be forced, heavens know, she’s been forced enough as it is.

They are really different. Catra got an abusive, shitty and violent childhood. Hordak got this:

He was literally robbed of a childhood. 

She was taught by Shadow Weaver that weakness gets you killed. Hordak was not allowed to have emotions to begin with, or thoughts of his own, or a name...

Comparing to victims of abuse to see which one of them is more likable is such a strange concept to me.

Catra was robbed in s5 too. I don’t hold that against her. I  blame it on the writers. S5 could have been a lot better. 

[hellofromthe-otter-slide]

prompts list asks!

(fandoms: choose from bly manor, hill house, spop, steven universe, suitor armor… or anything else we’ve talked about, lol)

fluff 22, 30, 49

Here, have some dumb She-Ra fluff to make up for what I previously wrote.

Prompts:

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"You weren't supposed to hear that!"

"They're such an idiot. My idiot, but still."

Fic:

Catra watches Adora fall under the weight of kids trying to take down the mighty She-Ra, and even though she tries looking unimpressed, she knows her tail is giving her away.

It's swaying happily, and Catra thinks of grabbing it and holding it close, but she's been around these Bright Moon idiots for so long now that she thinks that would be an even worse giveaway.

She hopes that no one is paying attention to her watching her girlfriend, but as the minutes pass by, she feels eyes and turns to see Bow watching her with his dumb, stupid grin.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

"You're just so cute!" Bow's voice rises a few octaves, "You practically have hearts in your eyes."

"I can and will throw you off of another cliff."

"No, you won't," Bow comes up and wraps an arm around her, pulling her close, and Catra pushes her hands against his chest and stomach to fight it, "We're friends now, Catra."

"No, we are not," Catra finally manages to push hard enough to get out of the hug, and Bow stumbles and laughs.

"I heard you tell Adora that I'm your favorite person to be around at Bright Moon," Bow teases.

"Hey!" Catra tackles him, and Bow falls against soft grass, his laughter barely subsiding, "You weren't supposed to hear that!"

"Talk quieter next time, then."

"Don't eavesdrop, you jerk."

"I can't help it when you're practically shouting it down the hall," Bow catches sight of one of the townspeople walking by, and he shouts out, "Hey, did you know that Catra thinks of me as her best friend!"

Catra pushes a hand against Bow's cheek to get him to stop, but he starts shouting it at anyone who will listen.

It starts attracting attention, and the little kids tackling Adora are more interested in watching whatever is going on between Bow and Catra, and Adora is left sitting on the grass, her brows coming together in confusion.

Glimmer teleports right beside Adora and sits down.

"What's happening now?" Adora asks, brushing a few stray blades of grass out of her hair.

"Bow is informing the entire town that Catra said they were best friends."

Adora laughs. "How is he still alive?"

"Because even if he's an idiot," Glimmer pauses, rolls her eyes, but smiles, "I guess he's my idiot," and the smile gets softer, "He loves poking fun at Catra, and really, what better way to do it than with an audience?"

"We should probably break it up," Adora suggests, but she leans back on her hands and makes no move to get up.

"Yeah, probably," Glimmer lies back on the soft grass, "In a minute."

[baggebythesea]

Adora, Scorpia and Entrapta all break the cycle of abuse, rather than perpetuate it. Not just in their relationship to Catra, but in the abuse they get from others too. At the same time, they did play a part in hurting Catra, and Catra played a part in their own actualisation. It's messy and complicated, not just a simple abuser/victim dynamic.

Adora struggles to find her own wants. Shadow Weaver, Light Hope, and even the Rebellion pushes her down, and she internalises her failures. Catra uses this against her, then knows it well enough to help Adora fight out of this mindset. Adora can be a control freak, especially to Catra, but she refuses to hurt anyone on purpose no matter how mad she gets. Catra helps her unlock her mischievous side.

With Scorpia and Entrapta, it's even more complicated.

Entrapta has faced the frustration of countless people, even in Dryl, but never lashed out against them personally. Instead, she internalizes the failure of the relationships and gives up on them entirely as a lost cause, siding with the enemy if that's more fruitful. But she burns enough bridges this way that she has nowhere left to go, and when her friends in the Horde apparently leave her, gives up on herself, until Bow and Adora prove they still believe in her. I think Catra's role in this is fascinating - while she's indeed taking advantage of Entrapta's insecurities, and triggered that worst pitfall on Beast Island, she probably believed everything she told her in The Beacon. Entrapta thrived in the Horde. I think learning that Catra never hated her, that Catra felt bad about lashing out and was scared she'd hate her for it, that would've given Entrapta a lot of closure, and you can really see in season 5 she's far more understanding to other people (like Wrongdak and Catra) than people have been to her. I think that's not complacency - she's forgiving by choice, not just nature. She knows how much it sucks to be rejected.

You can't ignore that Entrapta did contribute to Catra's abuse, not directly, but through being an unreliable friend - not seeing how her relationship to Hordak was hurting Catra. And yeah, she ignored every warning Catra gave on this. But at the same time it was her first person-to-person friendship and it wasn't a healthy one, with Catra lashing out. It's a mess.

As for Scorpia, she was told by the Horde she'd never amount to anything, then told the same by Catra. I think Scorpia tried really hard to understand Catra but she just couldn't. She was missing information on Catra's upbringing. Scorpia tried so hard to free Catra from the cycle of abuse, but couldn't get through to her. In the end she broke the cycle by giving Catra a hard reality check, while never resenting her. Then Scorpia found out for herself that a place in the world had been just around the corner the whole time.

So yeah. They're all more likable but they so all contribute to Catra's angst, or "Catrangst". In more ways than Ive listed. It's such an interesting topic, their role in the cycle of abuse.

The cycle of abuse and how to break free of it is such a central theme of the story. I love your takes on it.

One aspect of what you wrote that I find really interesting is how Catra almost by accident gave Entrapta exactly what she needed - camaraderie, friendship, freedom to explore her interest, a way to be useful to her friends, a friggin' runestone and lots of bots and first one's tech to tinker with as much as she wanted - and in time the introduction to Hordak himself.

I like how good a leader Catra is despite everyone's misgivings. If only she found more constructive use for it than trying to hurt adora.

[princessofgayskull]

our secret moments, in your crowded room

a catradora drabble, with some glow on the side. 

summary: Adora contemplates the before and after of the war when Catra pulls her into a closet from some alone time.

Adora never really let herself think about what would come after war was over. It wasn’t like she wasn’t aware that other people did; Glimmer and Bow had bucket lists of places to see, legendary people they wanted to meet, exotic meals they’d only heard tales of that they wanted to try when they weren’t checking bow tension or practicing purple arrays that had to be flawless on the battlefield. But for her best friends, as for most of the Princess Alliance, it was a “when” the war was over. Adora carried the mantle of She Ra and the debilitating guilt and anxiety that came with the responsibility (and served to exasperate her own), so it was always an “if” the war was over. If the Rebellion had one won it. If the grand sacrifice to come at the end wasn’t at Adora’s own hands.

In the rarer quiet moments they were all spared Adora would try to reach past the if for the when. She would close her eyes and picture the beginning after the end. Never could her mind form a full image. A pain would surround her heart and then that pain would spread as if it were an infection throughout her entire body, begging her to stop picturing a life she might not even get to see. A pain Adora couldn’t put a name to until Entrapta established that communication line on Mara’s ship and the first voice she heard was Catra’s, calling out her name like it was a shot in the dark. 

Adora never thought about the end of the war, the after the war, what would come after her destiny was finally fulfilled and she could rest. Because she couldn’t just keep making promises she couldn’t keep only to have them shatter. One after the other. 

And so when the “after” does come, and Catra is pulling her gently by the hand into a broom closet, Adora isn’t thinking either. Her thoughts that go around in circles can’t do the end of the war justice: the healing of Etheria, the chains of magic broken, the girl she loved for so many more years than she hasn’t waking up in the same bed, purring when she opens her eyes and Adora is right there. Adora tries to focus on where she is right now, her brain broken by the strength and intensity that Catra uses to push her against the wall, her mismatched irises glowing even in the dark. Her knee comes between Adora’s legs, the sound of her claws retracting hits Adora’s ears as Catra’s  hands fly into her hair and Adora finishes what she’s started when she caresses Catra’s jaw and meets her lips.

They’re in a broom closet in the kitchen of Bright Moon’s castle disturbing dust as they move together, Catra’s lips exploring Adora’s jaw like uncharted territory she intends to claim. They’ve been caught in these secret moments before, and somewhere in the back of Adora’s melting mind she knows this is not a safe hiding place.

She laughs, “We’re gonna get caught, Catra.”

“I don’t care,” murmurs Catra against her neck, her purring vibrating through Adora’s whole body, “I have you all to myself. Sparkles and Arrow Boy can have you back when I’m done with you.”

It’s hard to argue with her. It’s really hard to argue with her when they haven’t had time together to be alone in six days (what? Adora wasn’t counting, what are you talking about?) and Adora wants this just as badly as Catra does. She wants to indulge this selfishness, wants to have the normalcy of making out with her girlfriend in a closet, the thrill of sneaking around electrifying every touch. 

They’ve got places to be; post war meetings, the council for rebuilding Etheria, Perfuma’s yoga class. But Adora has been the planet’s and the princess’ responsible hero for way too long with way too little reward. And right now, she doesn’t want to worry about the hickeys she’s going to be hiding from curious, authoritative eyes later on. This is Adora’s after, and right now she wants to hear Catra say in that breathless voice that she’s actually a really good kisser. She wants to kiss her girlfriend until they’re out of breath and drunk off each other.

So she does.

_

“So then my dad and I were thinking about going up to Mystacor, but just for the weekend, since I am the queen and all.”

“Well, you guys do deserve some time off. You and your dad have been working harder than almost anyone in Bright Moon. I think you should go Glimmer.”

“Aww, thanks Bow. I appreciate you saying that.”

Adora’s eyes fly open, her intense concentration broken by the sound of the other half of the Best Friend Squad entering the kitchen. She sees Catra’s ears perk up, then flatten in annoyance as she realizes why Adora has stopped kissing her. Claws sliding down from the bottom of Adora’s skull to underneath her chin, Catra lets out an inaudible sigh as she breaks away from Adora, her nose twitching.

It’s everything Adora can do to stay completely still. Catra’s lips on hers, her fingers exploring her toned torso, have undone her and with her girlfriend’s chest still pressed against hers, those warrior instincts and a soldier’s composure have long left Adora to fend for herself. Her gaze flies to the left of her and then to the right; the wall Catra has her pushed up against is lined with brooms and mops and Adora’s elbow is inches away next to a slanted mop handle.

Catra runs her knuckles under her nose. Adora sucks in a breath. They just have to make it a few minutes, Bow and Glimmer usually move along as long as they’re not alerted to any- BANG!

The mop hits the floor. 

“What was that?”

Throwing her head back, Catra makes a face that has a counter argument on Adora’s tongue immediately- seriously, she didn’t even move! And maybe if Catra’s whole body wasn’t up against hers Adora would be able to control the way she was shaking- but she keeps herself silent. Somehow. They don’t let go of each other.

“Is that- did you make a really tiny bow and arrow set and you’ve just been carrying it around?” they hear Glimmer ask Bow and Catra stifles a snicker.

“Well, now that we’re not at war anymore I don’t need to carry my actual bow and quiver around, so, yeah. Fortune favors the prepared.” 

“Uh, it’s fortune favors the brave, Bow.”

“It is?”

The familiar sound of Glimmer’s hands forming an array hits Adora’s ears. “Let’s just open the door.” 

Catra and Adora exchange a panicked look, knowing that for this to look innocent they have to abandon this position in the next three seconds, but in the dark Adora’s not sure how- and where- to move away from her girlfriend. They’re tangled limbs and popped collars and messy hair, and there’s no way to fix that in the dwindling seconds. Again, Adora’s elbow hits something in her effort to at least try, and before she can think the word slips from her mouth, “Ow!”

“Uh, Adora is that you?”

A weighted pause passes before,

“No.”

 It’s not like Adora meant to say anything. In hindsight it’s nothing but clear that the smart move would’ve been to force her lips together and pray Bow and Glimmer walked away. But in her unraveled state Adora is not one for thinking through her actions, or her words, and that’s one hundred percent on Catra for reducing her to this condition. 

“Did you seriously just say ‘no?’” Catra, nose wiggling, mouths at her with wide eyes. The irritation and disbelief is obvious, readable even in the low light. Adora rolls her eyes because they were going to get caught anyway and she did try to warn Catra of that very fact before her girlfriend started doing amazing things with her tongue. 

“What’re you doing in there, Adora?” Bow prods again. 

“Uh…” Adora tries to summon some depth in her voice in hopes what she’s saying will be more believable, “I’m uh, I’m looking for stuff to clean with? I made a mess back in my room when I was… making my bed?”

Catra sends her a look, swatting the back of Adora’s with her tail. Adora, against all odds, swallows the giggle rising in her throat. Disheveled and disgruntled, this is the cutest state Adora’s seen her girlfriend since the mission on Krytis.

“Making your bed?” Glimmer repeats back, her disbelief made obvious by her tone. “Since when do you have to make your bed Adora? It’s like, a cot and a pillow!”

“Is Catra in there with you?” 

Knowing Bow would as that next, Adora is prepared this time around. “Nope! It’s just me!” 

“Then why is the door closed?”

“I uh, I just like it that way!”

There. That had to be convincing, right? Except when Adora looks down to turn the tables on Catra, smugness written in her expression, Catra’s hands are falling from Adora’s hips and she’s sucking in a bracing breath. Tears form in the corner of her eyes as Catra brings her hands to cover her mouth. 

Oh no, is all Adora can think.

“Achoo!”

The sound of Catra’s “completely normal sneeze” fills up the tiny broom closet they’ve squeezed themselves into and if it hadn’t completely blown their cover Adora would’ve sworn the sight of her girlfriend in that second sent her slipping farther into love. She lets herself laugh- under her breath- even when Catra’s tail starts wapping her again. 

The door flies open and suddenly they way they’re still pressed together is illuminated in the light of Bow and Glimmer’s newfound righteous attitude. “Busted!” Glimmer practically sings.

“Yeah, yeah,” Catra brushes her off, her hand coming up Adora’s back, “you caught us. You happy now?”

“More like confused.” started Bow. 

“Why are you guys in this closet?” finished Glimmer.

“I dunno, it just happened.” Adora smiled, placing her chin on top of Catra’s head, taking guilty pleasure in the way her ears brushed against her cheeks. 

“Okay,”

“Wait,” Glimmer throws Adora a glare, “aren’t you supposed to be meeting with Scorpia and Huntara about the deconstruction of the Fright Zone right now, Adora?”

“Yeah, and Catra, isn’t Perfuma’s yoga class happening right now?” asked Bow.

“We just wanted a break,” Catra groaned. Adora nodded in agreement, running her fingers against the low of Catra’s back. Although Bow and Glimmer had no qualms (and complete success) in ruining their moment, Adora’s train of thought was fuzzy and far away. The warmth in her chest- and on it, too- kept Adora back in the seconds before when it was just them, and it was just the feeling and not the thinking. No, she didn’t have any animosity towards her friends but she was, in the back of her mind, willing them to postpone their teasing for another time.

“And maybe something else?” Glimmer didn’t hold back in her unabashed hinting and Catra turned a clawed finger on her in the blink of an eye.

“If you say anything about us ditching, to anyone so help me Sparkles, and I will tell all of your dads what I caught you and Rainbow up to during the intermission of DT’s last one-actor garbage play!”

Pride and love lapped at Adora’s heart, and as she hugged her girlfriend closer she added “I bet Castaspella would also love to hear all about it, too.”

“Okay,” Bow was a blushing mess as he threw his hands up, “ that’s enough with the threats!” 

“You told Adora, Catra?” Glimmer’s jaw dropped in betrayal.

“Yeah, duh.”

“There was a lot of detail,” Adora snickered against Catra’s head.

“You know what,” Glimmer’s hands formed into fists and those fists were glowing pink before she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, “maybe we should just leave them alone, Bow.”

“I’m starting to think that’s for the best.” the archer sighed in defeat.

“But you better be at the post war council meeting tonight! Both of you! And Adora!” Glimmer stopped herself from storming away, turning on her heel to add one more thing.

“Yes?” Adora paused, waiting for the next part of Glimmer’s demand.

“Wear a concealer that actually matches the color of your neck this time.”

“Ha ha-” Catra started to tease, only for her nose to betray her again, “Achoo!”

“Still the cutest sneeze in the world-”

“Get out, Bow!”

Catra didn’t even wait for him to do as she’d asked. Taking this frustrating situation into her own hands, Adora’s girlfriend reached out and slammed the door in their retreating faces, leaving them in the dark once more. Alone, and together, once more. Those glowing irises met up with Adora’s as Catra cradled her face, and just like that Adora let go of any thought or feeling that wasn’t Catra. As long as she made sure to make nice with Bow and Glimmer later, she saw no fault in justifying drawing this secret moment out just a little longer.

“Next time, I’ll make sure to have Melog.” Catra whispered into the crook of her neck.

“Uh,” Adora scoffed with the widest smile on her face, “Melog is not gonna stop you from sneezing.”

Catra’s turned her head up to glare at her, “Then pick a better closet, moron!”

“You picked this closet!”

“Ughhh, shut up,  Adora!” sighing, Catra threw her head back and though she knew she might  be pushing it, Adora couldn’t resist it.

“You wanna make me? I mean, unless we need to leave because the dust in here is making you sneeze-” but Adora didn’t finish her offer. Her sentence was caught off by the sudden presence of Catra’s lips back on hers and Adora sighed, leaning into the kiss in full. 

Before the war ended, these were the moments Adora’s imagination was so far from being able to conjure. This, the taste of Catra’s lips and the feel of her tongue, was not the sweetness of victory Adora pictured when she tried to force herself beyond her own mental barriers. In some capacity, she wondered as Catra’s hand traveled back up her neck and into her hair, that if she had known back in the before, that this was after, if she would’ve come so close to giving up if Catra had not pulled her back up and out of the darkness before it could completely consume her. 

There was no telling how the before would’ve changed if Adora had been granted more glimpses of the after. It was pointless to waste this moment lost in those thoughts when Adora could lose herself in this embrace of love and trust and intimacy. All these feelings that had taught Adora why people started wars in the first place, and why they fought so hard to win them. So that they could have an after just like this one. 

Adora could not go back and change the way she’d fought in the past, but she could fight to keep what she had now. And between the demands of She Ra and rebuilding and the need for her to be in ten places at once, Adora’s number one priority was right here in her arms.

Lifting Catra’s chin up with her finger, Adora pulled away from her and smiled. “Hey,” she whispered, “I love you.”

“Hmm, dummy,” Catra returned her expression, so much warmth and love in her eyes. Adora never wanted to let go. “I love you, too.”

reblogs > likes

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

The beauty in the choice that is Glimmadora

Season 1, episode 2, roughly 18 odd minutes into the runtime, with Theymore in ruins and Glimmer and Adora having a moment that defines them both as people. Aka, the /exact/ moment I fell head-first into Glimmadora hell. And keep falling

First of all, because of how Adora says 'Glimmer'- softly, disbelieving, just the tiny bit hopeful- and then for what they both say next.

Adora- "Glimmer..? What are you doing? Why did you save me?"

Glimmer- "We need you. We need She-Ra. *brings out the sword* I should have given this back to you in the ruin. *Adora stares* You could have saved us in there and I knew that... but I was stupid, *starts crying* and a jerk, and I almost got us killed and I'm sorry!"

Adora- "You're not any of those things. I'm the Horde soldier! How do you know you can trust me now?"

Glimmer- "... I don't. But I hope I can. I feel like, maybe, you're here to help us. *holds out the sword*"

Adora- *slowly reaches out* *sees a Horde bot closing in on her and a magically exhausted Glimmer, who just spent some of her last magic saving Adora* *reaches for the sword again, hesitates*

Adora- *grabs the sword and puts herself between the charging Horde bot and Glimmer*

This right here? This is beautiful.

And here is why i think so

I'm a sucker for moments when characters make their own choices. When things line up and they stand on a crossroads, all the power of which way the story swings resting in their hands...

I'm even more of a sucker for two characters, both given that power of choice, picking the path they feel is right for them, and that also leads them to each other.

After two episodes of build up, showing why they believe what they believe, how that pits them against each other, and how it also opens the door to them realizing they actually share a common goal- protecting people- there is a pause. A gap of open space. Glimmer and Adora are given room to make their decisions, and there is no outside push that forces them together. Actually, THEY are the ones who have to push towards each other, in SPITE of everything.

The sword doesn't glow or start magically tugging itself towards Adora, the new She-Ra, prompting Glimmer to give in and bring it to her. Bow doesn't nudge her into going after Adora. He's shocked when she suggests it! Even rebuts by pointing out that Adora had just (seemingly) sold them out to the Horde!

It's Glimmer's choice, and hers alone, to go find Adora.

Apologizing for being a jerk also wasn't required, she could have given her the sword without that. But she wanted to say sorry. She felt bad about what she'd done. She wanted to own up to her mistakes, and do it in front of someone who she was not long ago calling a 'monster'.

Leading up to this, it was Adora's choice to try stopping the Horde's attack on Theymore. Her choice to leave the Horde, even if it meant losing everything she had, everything she'd ever known- Her best friend (who she asked to come with her, and who's choice to stay she accepted. Who she apologized to, because it was hard to go, but she had to), her promotion, her home, her idea of who she was and how the world worked, all of the certainty in her life. In the face of seeing innocent unarmed people fleeing in front of the Horde's crushing tanks, Adora gave it all up, without know what, if anything she would find to replace it with.

She wasn't part of the Rebellion yet. She didn't have the sword.

The narrative could have made her a Rebel first. It could have had her accepted in Bright Moon and be given a place there. It could have had Glimmer give her the sword before confronting Catra. Adora could have been safely herded into her new life outside the Horde. A better life, with security and power and no fear of Shadow Weaver hurting her best and only friend and then putting the responsibility of that pain on her. Faced with that choice, would it even be much of a choice at all?

Adora doesn't get that though. She has no certainty, no sword, no acceptance. Even after doing her She-Ra thing and driving off the Horde, she panics, asking what she's going to do now she's gone against the Horde. She doesn't even know where she will go, afterwards. She doesn't know if she will have a place outside the one she just threw away. And she still left.

And when she talks to Glimmer, she didn't have to reassure Glimmer that she wasn't a jerk or stupid of "any of those things". That was just something she wanted to say, right then, to the girl who took her prisoner. To the girl who took a Horde soldier prisoner. To the girl who didn't leave her to die in the collapsing ruin, and came for her again, saved her from being dragged back to the Horde as a traitor.

She wanted Glimmer to know that she, Adora, didn't think any of those bad things about her. Didn't blame her for being furious at someone from an army that is destroying her home, or think she was stupid for not trusting a Horde soldier with a powerful weapon.

Adora didn't have to ask how Glimmer can trust her now. She wanted to know the answer, herself. She was a Horde soldier. She understood what that meant, now, and she didn't want to be that anymore. But what had she done so far, to earn Glimmer's trust?

Glimmer could have said platitudes to that, could have smoothed it over with The Power Of Friendship or maybe just Well You Haven't Killed Or Betrayed Us Yet When You Had The Chance, or even, I'm Out Of Options And The Magical Sword Likes You So Destiny Maybe.

She doesn't say any of that. It might be easier for Adora to hear, but it's not true. To the girl who is suddenly questioning her whole life and everything she was ever told, Glimmer says the truth instead.

It's not what Adora's done so far that's convinced Glimmer. It's what Glimmer thinks Adora wants to do from now on. That's what Glimmer is putting her trust in. Adora's own choices, not the ones that were made for her.

And what does Adora do? The very first thing she does, when Glimmer hands her an incredibly powerful magical sword?

She protects Glimmer. She uses the sword, to protect. To defend. That is her choice.

That's what Glimmer saw in her, the hope she found. That's what she put the Rebellion on the line for, risked ruin by handing the sword over to someone who still has the Horde symbol on their back. There was who Adora had been, up to this point. And then there was who she wanted to be.

A Horde soldier who didn't want to hurt people, argued with Glimmer not because she thought that hurting others was justified, but because she didn't want to believe the Horde HAD hurt people. A Horde soldier who didn't scoff at the people of Theymore for being weak or unguarded or try to take advantage of these trusting people- the opposite, in fact. Adora was enthralled. Awed. When she realized this was the place the Horde would be attacking, she couldn't believe it. She wanted it be a mistake. She listened, finally, when Glimmer showed her that it wasn't.

And faced with Glimmer and the sword, the terrifying leap from her old life into some new unknown, Adora looks at Glimmer's choices for guidance. "I'm the Horde soldier!" she says, "How do you know you can trust me now?"

How does Glimmer know she's doing the right thing? How can Glimmer be sure?

Glimmer isn't sure. She says as much. She's making the choice anyway.

How does Adora know she's also making the right choice? How can she be sure?

She can't be.

She can only see what Glimmer did, confronted with the same risk, and decide if that's an example she wants to follow. If this girl, angry and pained, brave and protective, imperfect and trying, strong enough to look at her own mistakes and apologize for them- is this someone Adora wants to see in herself? Is THIS who she wants to be like? At the cost of everything else? With no guarantees how it will end for her?

Yes. She decides it is.

She takes the jump with Glimmer. She follows this strange, rebel princess into the unknown.

And in that moment, they aren't strangers anymore.

It's so wonderful, even re-watching it for the millionth time- The dialogue, the voice acting, the emotional and narrative payoff from everything that had been shown before. Everything Glimmer has lost (her father, her relationship with her mother, her own sense of worth tied up in a war she keeps losing). Everything Adora stands to lose (her home, her self worth so tied up in the captains rank she's been trained for. Her childhood friend, her enemy now)

The pressure that was on both Glimmer and Adora to stay the way they were- (Through Angella, and even a little from Bow, through Shadow Weaver and Catra) (Even Light Hope and the sword only confuses things, the simple question of where Adora came from suddenly getting tied up in mystery and treason, the answer that was supposed to give her a sense of belonging threatening to isolate her instead)- that pressure to walk away is very real. Don't take that risk. Don't make that jump. It frightening and hard. You might be wrong.

Don't reach out to each other, don't change, don't meet each other there, in that terrifying middle ground.

And THEN, their decisions to both say 'fuck it' and do what they thought was right instead. Even if they weren't sure what would happen next.

If it might let them help others more than they have so far, save the rebellion, protect the people who really need protecting, well then, for Glimmer and Adora, that made it worth it, to do the right thing. To be the people they both really want to be.

Which, in the end, meant being a lot like each other, at their core.

I love that.

There is nothing in a story more powerful to me, than when a choice like this is made. When it feels earned, and meaningful. When it grows out of the story that had been unfolding up till then, and changes the way it will end.

When it's two women making that change, that choice, together? I'll never get enough of that.

And the intimacy. My god.

After being so open, honest, raw, it's not surprising when Glimmer and Adora come together in the aftermath. Enemies one episode ago, fire forged friends now, them holding onto each other feels right, by the episode's end. Physically reaching out, mirroring and confirming what they both had already done. Especially how gentle Glimmer is with Adora's moment of panic, how she reaches out to calm her, reassures her she DOES have a place, and friends. The moment when she offers her hand to help Adora stand again, and Adora looks up, smiles at her before taking it...

the CATHARSIS of seeing THESE TWO ENEMIES TURNED ????? TURNED FRIENDS HOLDING ONTO EACH OTHER, LETTING EACH OTHER BE SO CLOSE- AND THAT GLIMMER IS SUPPORTING ADORA IN THIS MOMENT EVEN THOUGH SHE HERSELF IS FRESH OUT OF MAGIC AND IS FEELING IT, BUT SHE KNOWS WHAT ADORA JUST WENT THROUGH BECAUSE THEY WENT THROUGH IT TOGETHER, IT- IT- IT'S-

Yeah. my little wlw heart didn't stand a chance. i will be smitten forever with these two, from the force of a couple of episodes and some vERY nicely handled writing

..

..... also, the way Adora helps a fainting Glimmer and props her up against a rock, but with her hands just resting on Glimmer for a moment like...

i've stared at this screencap for a long time, ngl

[malachi-walker]

Happy birthday, Mal! I love your fics, they evoke so much emotion in me and have made me cry many a time. I don't often reread fics, but i've reread multiple chapters of Rhythm and Blues because they're stuck with me so much. You capture the emotional pain of their trauma and the catharsis that comes with their growth so beautifully. You also write some brilliant meta and just consistently post some fantastic thoughts. Also your love for swords is very appreciated. <3 have a lovely day!

First of all, my apologies for not replying sooner. I was making my mind up about something that would definitely require the use of a read more and thus necessitate dragging myself to desktop (which I hate because my laptop predates the dinosaurs.)

But seriously. Thank you so much. This is honestly one of the sweetest comments I've ever gotten and definitely made my already pretty sweet bday even better.

So about that read more. In honor of you, @metalesbo, my friends @n7punk and @jem-jarrett and everyone else who sent me well wishes or just really loves my work... Here's the opening section of the next chapter of R&B. Enjoy. It's a long one.

Adora Eternia is about two months shy of her fourteenth birthday when she first realizes she's in love with her best friend.

Though--if asked--she would hasten to explain that it wasn't when she fell in love. But trying to pinpoint the exact moment is an exercise in catching mist: the more she tries to grasp it in her hands the more it spreads out and covers everything. It just is: pure and simple and very, very complicated.

It's the beginning of December and the whole town is covered in a thick blanket of snow. Winterfest will be here in a few weeks, so to help out the kids who want to get gifts for their friends the Right Zone administration has shuffled around the groups that usually take their monthly trips on the third and fourth Sundays of the month to double up with the other two. As part of group three, she and Catra got the first week (the other three members of their crew are week two folks anyway and thus outside the reorganization.)

It's still kinda weird to think that: their crew. For so long, it was just Catra and Adora. Adora and Catra. One unit bound together, just them against the world. But there's also something nice about being part of a small cluster, their "scrappy little lone wolf pack" as Catra had once put it with a wry grin before Lonnie shoved her over with an, "Excuse you, I'm a great people person when I'm not busy making sure you idiots haven't set yourselves on fire!"

They all got a good laugh out of that one.

But regardless, the holidays are coming up and this is the first year that any of their group has felt like actually doing anything for it, aside from wrangling together a sleepover and seeing if they can convince the kitchen staff to slip them some leftover eggnog.

They made each other promise not to go too extravagant and keep each person's gift to ten dollars or lower. Even though their quarterly stipend has increased from three hundred to four hundred to match with inflation over the past eight years, it still isn't a whole lot for three month's worth of expenses, especially when they also have to budget regularly for clothes to keep up with the seemingly endless growth spurts.

There's also the usual budgetary concern of keeping her and Catra's first aid kit well supplied...

Adora shakes her head to dislodge the intrusive thought and continues marching onward through the snow. This trip is a good thing. She won't let all the awful realities of their life taint it.

With so many kids running around and wanting to shop on their own to surprise their giftees, Right Zone had to negotiate with both the local police and whatever other civic authorities they could get ahold of to come out en masse and keep an eye on them all. The kids had still come with their usual teachers, of course, but doubling the load and also splitting up was a logistical nightmare. Which is just a convoluted way to say the town is positively crawling with uniformed officers, off duty members of the fire brigade, emergency personnel, and other such authority figures quietly keeping watch and making sure no one tries anything.

Adora knows that somewhere in the press of bodies, Grizzlor's busy wrangling two new "brats" (seven and nine, respectively, and definitely not friends.) Somewhere, a certain Magicat is probably grumbling over the indignity of being forced to wear shoes and kicking every snowpile she can, like she can send a direct message to whatever cosmic force is responsible for her current frustration.

On an ordinary month she and Catra--being old enough to be allowed a bit more freedom to do what they want--would buddy up to watch each other's backs while they did their shopping. But this isn't an ordinary month, so once they'd each gotten gifts for the other three they'd split up on opposite ends of Main Street with an agreement to move clockwise to avoid running into each other. Afterwards, the entire group would rendezvous at the small clock tower in the park a block over before heading back to Right Zone.

Ten dollars wasn't a lot to work with, but Adora had done her best: a new stress ball for Kyle, some moisturizing oil for Rogelio since the early winter shed had wiped out his supply and he'd been too busy to pick up some more, a twelve pound kettle weight for Lonnie now that their shared exercise routine was getting a bit too easy for her... Utilitarian choices, to be sure, but she's been paying attention and that has to count for something.

Catra's the difficult one, of course. Partly because Adora doesn't want to just get her something practical, but also because they share nearly everything between them already. About the only thing that is definitively off limits is Catra's guitar, and she's told Adora enough about her time with Tao over the years that Adora wouldn't even ask. Beyond that... Well, there's a reason why most of Adora's day off hoodies have small strands of orange fur stuck to them.

Still. I want to get her something that's hers. Something she'll like. Something she doesn't have to share with anyone, not even me.

In the end, she nearly walks past it. In one of the artisanal shops that dot small towns like liver spots, she finds a display of hand stamped necklace pendants, with a design sheet beside it. There are a lot of the usual nature designs and such, but the one that catches her eye is a treble clef with the five staff lines bleeding out from it. They ring the edge of the pendant in a half circle, and scattered haphazardly along the lines are the other music notes.

The lack of proper order would drive Adora insane. She understands that it's just meant to look pretty, not be an accurate representation of musical notation, but still... She knows her own (broken) brain well enough to know that.

It suits Catra, though.

"Hey," Mismatched eyes looked down at Adora as her head draped backwards over the back of their desk chair, the throbbing behind her left eye threatening to escalate into a migraine. "Guess I don't have to ask how the composing's going."

"It sucks," Adora groused back, sitting up and gesturing Catra over. She jabbed at two particular spots with the half chewed off eraser end of her pencil, two hard jabs each, like she was filing a complaint. "Most of it is just what I'm going for, but these two places here... They aren't sounding right. I've been going back and forth over structure all afternoon, but nothing I do helps."

"Hmmm..." Catra stroked her chin and nudged Adora over so she could sit on the arm of the chair (they'd never gotten around to requesting a second, mostly because Adora didn't want to risk Shadow Weaver suspecting they were getting too chummy.) "Got any scratch paper?"

Adora pointed to the pile of half crumpled notebook paper she used when making adjustments and Catra snorted. "Ok, dumb question. Just let me see here..."

Grabbing a pen, she quickly inked a fresh set of staff lines and copied the notes Adora had already put down, making sure to leave space to work. Glancing between the two, she drummed her fingers on the desk, playing along in her head.

"Hmm..." Catra murmured, worrying at her lower lip with a fang in a manner that was... Oddly distracting. "Ok, how 'bout this?"

Adora jolted, tearing her gaze from Catra's face to look at the sequence of notes scribbled onto the scratch paper. She paused, brow furrowing as she played them over in her mind's eye. It was a little unorthodox, veering away from the path she had carefully laid out... But also blending well with the next part. Almost like the notes took a quick detour and then lead the listener back to where she wanted them.

"Yeah..." Adora replied thoughtfully, the tension all over her body starting to smooth out. "Yeah, that could work."

"Awesome. Let's take a look at the next part."

They ultimately ended up spending several hours going over the entire piece, sussing out every place where Adora was having even the slightest niggle of unease. She didn't accept all of Catra's changes and Catra didn't push the matter, but the ones she did...

They felt right. More right than they had ever felt when it was just Adora running circles around herself.

When they finally finished up she looked over at Catra, tail waving sedately in that way it got when she was simultaneously engaged but relaxed, and asked, "Umm... Do you want to learn with me? I like doing this."

'I like making music with you.'

Catra paused, looking over at Adora searchingly, almost like she couldn't believe the question had come up. No matter how many years had passed between them, that look never really went away, and every time she saw it Adora's chest ached in a way that was hard for her to process.

"I'd like that."

Catra's composing style is very different from Adora's. More wild, more willing to bend and break the rules if it means maintaining audience engagement, but there's always an underlying order to the chaos. To her surprise and pleasure, Adora found herself learning just as much from Catra as Catra was learning from her. Their styles brought out the best in each other.

The jingle of a bell kicks her out of the memory. Mind made up even though it's nearly double her budget, Adora scans the stand of necklaces for the one with the treble clef pattern.

It isn't there. Adora swallows down the disappointment, though she can't help the sigh. Of course. The town was well aware of the large population of music students a short drive away and catered to them accordingly. But there are also dozens of kids out on the street tonight. It isn't that big of a surprise that the design sold out.

Not surprising, but disheartening nonetheless.

She's just begun to turn away when a voice calls from the back. "Hang on a sec there, little miss."

Adora jumps, but remains where she is as a large Taurian man with a massive snow white beard trundles out from a door behind the counter, wiping his hands on his apron. "Was there a particular design you were interested in?"

Adora points at the treble clef, hope rising. "This one. But it looks like it's already sold out."

"Hmm..." The man scratchs at his chin. "Well with Winterfest coming up, I'm out of blank pendants-"

Adora's shoulders slump.

"-But," The man continues with a smile. "I can double stamp it onto the back of another. Ordinarily I'd charge extra for that, but it's my fault for not ordering enough blanks. Rookie move. Besides, it's the holidays. Now would that be all right by you?"

Nodding frantically in case he changes his mind, Adora scans the other designs, quickly alighting on one in particular. "That one!"

"The claw marks? Bit of an odd combination, but the customer is always right," The old man winked as he reached out to take the necklace from her. "My jig and press is in the corner over here if you wanna watch."

Adora was glad he specified, because as nice as the man seemed there was no way in hell she was going into a back room with a stranger. But she stood next to the window beside a display of miscellaneous knick knacks and puzzles, watching him carefully place the pendant in a cushioned stand to avoid damaging the already printed side and tighten it into place before moving beside the machine.

"You're gonna want to cover your ears," He tells her, patting the machine with one massive hand. "Had to switch to a steam press when the arthritis caught up to me. Used to do it all by hammer. This boy's okay, but he gets loud."

Adora nods, glad for the warning when he bellows "Clear!" and the machine's hammer comes down once, twice, three times with a sound like the ringing of an enormous bell. Once the machine is stopped and carefully turned off, the old man removes the pendant from the press and hands it over to Adora for inspection. "What do you think? Does it pass muster?"

Adora runs her fingertips over the impressions in the metal, memorizing the feel of it, the leftover warmth of the impact. "Perfect."

"Good. Now let's get you rung up."

Counting the five dollars she attempted to surreptitiously slip into the tip jar (the old man winked as he turned back around, so stealth fail) Adora went very over budget, but the others would have to put a gun to her head for her to admit it.

Besides, it's Catra. They already know she's the sole exception to all of Adora's carefully maintained rules.

With everything finished, she continues trudging through the snow toward the park, breathing a sign of relief as she moves away from the shopping district and the people thin out; no one wanting to go to the park in the middle of such bleak weather. Angling around a clustered group of bare trees, she spots the small clock tower in the distance, as well as the figure already standing beside it. Grinning, Adora picks up the pace a bit until she can see Catra clearly and--

Her breath catches.

Since her only experience with this kind of thing has been through books, Adora always expected this moment would be more dramatic. Like back to back in the middle of a fight, or eyes locking from up on stage. Something spectacular, like fireworks, lime explosions, like the feeling of playing a song without a single mistake for the first time. It's always seemed like such a big deal in the stories, and in a way, it is.

Because there's Catra, lost in her own world as she gazes up at the streetlight that's just come on, her left hand extended to let the snowflakes fall into her palm and the light catches the orange of her fur just right to make a blaze of color against the black of her coat. She looks so small, standing in that space all alone on a cold winter's night, but Adora knows deep down that she could never be that small, not when she's Catra, not when she means so much...

Pretty much everything about the past hour--about her entire life since they met if she's being honest--snaps into crystal clear focus.

Oh. I get it now. I'm in love with you.

It's a bad idea. Adora knows that. Shadow Weaver is enough of a menace while believing Catra is simply her roommate, her sometime tool--and Catra had ended up being all too right about the torture not stopping, even after years of Adora trying to direct Weaver's attentions away from her. If the evil old bitch figures out Adora's feelings run deeper, so much deeper...

Her heart beats double time. This whole thing is an unmitigated disaster.

But it's still the best worst thing that's ever happened to her.

She must make a noise, because Catra's ear twitches in her direction, snapping her out of that distant contemplation. She turns her head and looks at Adora, lips curling in a lopsided grin. "Hey, Adora. Wow, you look like you've seen a ghost."

Adora blinks, coming back to herself and mumbling the first excuse that springs to mind. "... Just cold."

"Well no shit. C'mere."

When she closes the distance Catra glances around warily, making sure they're the only ones around, before reaching up and retying the scarf around Adora's neck, patting it once when she's done. "There. I know I make it look good, but you don't have the advantage of fur like me."

Adora looks down at the thin AC/DC t-shirt that Catra's wearing beneath her half open coat, the line of her collarbones and neck, and makes a snap decision. "Is it okay if I give you your present now?"

Catra blinks, a little thrown by the non sequitur. "I mean... Sure? Do you want me to give you yours?"

"I'm good with either," Adora shrugs, trying to ignore how fast her heart is beating, how much she wants to do this before this moment slips away. "I just want to."

There's a long moment of silence as they each examine the other, equally searching. What Catra's looking for, Adora doesn't know. She isn't sure she wants to know.

"Okay."

Breathing deep, Adora reaches into her pocket and pulls out the necklace on its leather cord. Careful to keep the pendant hidden in her hand, she passes it over, fingertips sparking as it's taken. Catra brings it close to her face, running her fingers over the four parallel slashes on the side facing her.

"Why the claw marks?"

Adora laughs, nervous butterflies positively rioting in her stomach. "Because you're a badass. Duh."

"True," Catra smirks, flipping it over and squinting at the other side. "And this?"

"Badass, loves music with all your heart. Not mutually exclusive concepts," Adora says, trying not to give away how much she thinks about this, how much she wants to take that hand in hers. She settles for a playful shoulder bump instead. "Plus we all know you're secretly a big softie."

"Excuse you, I am all sharp edges," Catra giggles, lightly elbowing her before transitioning into a soft little smile. "... Just not with everyone."

Oh God oh God oh God. That smile will absolutely be the death of her.

Swallowing past her horrible awareness of that softness, Adora asks, "So you like it?"

"I love it. Good luck ever getting me to take it off," Catra laughs, then frowns, flexing her fingers. "Hands have gone a little numb, though. Help me put it on?"

Adora.exe promptly crashes to desktop. But she still somehow manages to move, helping Catra hold back her mane so she can slip the leather cord over her head and tuck it beneath her hair. If she hesitates a moment too long in letting go, at least Catra only shoots her an amused glance. "How's it look?"

"Great," Adora manages to croak out, trying to swallow past the sudden dryness in her throat. "You look great. Umm... Happy early Winterfest, I guess?"

"Well, I'm gonna hold onto yours a little longer," Catra laughs, playfully sticking out her tongue before reaching out. "C'mere, you big dork."

Adora shuffles closer, mind and heart both screaming as Catra draws her into a hug, nuzzling her head against the side of her neck. A little whisper. "Thank you."

Adora swallows again, even harder. "You're welcome."

Between them, the necklace rests, the music side pressed right up against Catra's heart.

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Fun fact: the shopkeep is based off a cool old dude selling machine pressed necklaces I ran into at a Scottish festival when I was 13, and he made such an impression I never forgot him. Anyway, happy Valentine's! Have a Big Gay Realization!