#Actually this is a good thing I should probably go to sleep
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a little Tommy & Chim bffs for @rileychester
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"Her ladyship requests, no demands, uncle Buck reading her a story before bed instead of her own mother." Maddie said, walking back into the livingroom after having gone to put Jee to bed half an hour ago.
"What can I say, it's not easy being this popular." Buck joked and extracted himself from where he'd been happily tucked under Tommy's arm on Maddie and Chimney's way too comfortable sofa. He quickly kissed Tommy, murmured something about being right back, and followed Maddie up to Jee's room.
Tommy watched him until he was out of the room and then turned back to Chim who was laughing at him.
"Damn Kinard you've got it bad."
"I don't know what you're talking about." Tommy said, trying to act somewhat cool and hide his reddening cheeks behind his wine glass.
"Yeah I'm sure you don't." Chim took a sip of his own drink. "I mean I love Maddie more than anything in the world, but I don't kiss her goodbye when she leaves the room."
"Well maybe you should start." Tommy told him. If he was getting called out, he might as well own it. "It's working pretty well for us."
"She'd probably think I was going crazy and call Hen to come check me over. Who would then also ask me if I'd lost my mind." He said and they both laughed. "But it's good to see you so happy, man. Both of you. Even if I never in a million years would have guessed that you two would end up together."
"Me neither really." Tommy admitted. "I actually almost let your call go to voicemail that night. My shift was almost over and there was bad weather coming in... I just wanted to go home and catch up on some sleep."
"And there was me asking you to steal a helicopter because of a hunch. I'm sure Bobby is still very grateful you didn't ignore me." Chim said and raised his glass at him. "To team who cares!"
Tommy clinked his glass against Chim's.
"Bobby isn't the only one who's grateful. If I hadn't answered that call, i would have missed out on the greatest thing that ever happened to me. i wouldn't have met the love of my life. I wouldn't be here now. I might have downloaded that dating app again that I'd deleted off my phone a few days before or taken Lucy up on her offer to set me up with her friend." Tommy shook his head. "I'm just glad I did answer. it definitely changed my life for the better."
"You're getting sappy in your old age, Kinard." Chimney teased. "When is the wedding? Do I have time to buy a hat?" he joked, expecting Tommy to laugh with him. Only when he didn't say anything Chim really looked at him. "What? Tell me you didn't..."
"I asked Evan to marry me last night." Tommy told him after a beat. "He said yes."
Chimney blinked a few times to process the information.
"Of course he said yes! He's just as crazy about you as you are about him." he got up to hug his friend. "Welcome to the family, man. We'll officially be brothers."
Tommy smiled and finished the last of his wine.
"There is one thing I wanted to talk to you about though..."
"Shoot."
"When Evan and I get married... will you be my best man?"
"It would be the greatest honour of my life."
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Send me a prompt and I'll write you a ficlet!
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Raw reactions to X-Force #5
Yup, someone dies.
MASSIVE spoilers (and controversial opinions) below.
It's Nori. There'd been so much foreshadowing in the comic - and so much fan discussion about the upcoming character death - that I had started believing it wouldn't be her. But no, it was always going to be her. When you consider the way she joined the team, her post-Krakoa trauma, her selflessness and her relationship with Forge, it makes complete sense.
That death scene goes hard. We actually see her burned-up corpse, we hear her farewell words - oof, my heart. Rest in power, little blue-haired hero.
This said, everyone attacking Geoff Thorne over Nori's death needs to calm down. I would understand this amount of upset if he'd done her dirty, but he really hasn't. He's consistently written her with respect, gave her as much spotlight as he could in a team book, and gave her a heroic death. Stories kill characters, people. That's just the way it is.
Also: Nori's coming back, maybe even in this run. We just don't know yet. And don't give me nonsense about the resurrection protocols being gone - mutants came back from the dead before Krakoa, they will continue to do so.
"Forge always has a plan." YES. Nothing to do with his power; he's just always up to something. That's Forge 101. Fuck me, it's so good to have a writer who understands him. And because Thorne has done his homework, I believe what we're witnessing is a typical Forge plan: something that he believes will benefit the greater good, but that is also misguided and full of hubris and will repeatedly backfire in his face.
Forge can be cold, but this is subzero. He loves Nori, he wouldn't act that way if he was fully himself. Something's going on. Someone needs to shake him real hard - beat him to a pulp, really - and realign his neurons. The two most qualified people to do that are showing up in the next issue, so I'm thinking this is what will happen.
Why does he take her gauntlets? It can't just be for the sake of getting his tech back. As i said he's not that cold, and also he can probably make those again in his sleep.
FORGE ALMOST KILLED AN ALT VERSION OF STORM IN COLD BLOOD. The man is not well, I'm telling you.
There's a theme of Forge hurting the women he cares about in this issue. Trust Sage to see the pattern and get the hell out before anything can happen- the hurting or the caring.
OK, now he's hovering above the ground with a big shiny triangle around his body. That's magic, isn't it? For a second I started thinking the Analog must be magic after all, but then I remembered Sage loves staring into it too, so it can't be. Mmm...still processing.
Thorne understands Forge's power better than any writer I've seen (yup that includes Claremont), and I appreciate that he mentions his need for materials to build anything. It should be obvious, but most writers have him make things out of thin air. There's only so much he can fit in that utility belt.
So many people, so many things! Poor Marcus To.
Marcus To is still doing excellent though. Do I need to tell you that Forge is hot? I think I've been clear on that already, but let me reiterate: FORGE IS HOT.
"Slippery as ice": oh, that made me hap-py. Such an evocative, accurate way of describing Sage.
No, Forge's power doesn't let him see what will happen. But you know whose power can see every eventuality? Sage's. This was highlighted in the very first issue, and Forge repeats the exact same words from this moment in this issue. THERE'S SOMETHING TO THAT.
I continue to dig the dynamic between Forge and Sage, curses and all. The little cerebral push and pull they have going on is very interesting.
Also continue to adore Tessa herself. The way she challenges Forge at every opportunity, the way she always asks the right questions *chef's kiss*. Everyone obviously wants to murder Forge on that last page, but I love that she's the one who tells him to go fuck himself, even though she's been the person closest to him on the team. She's my girl. I'm this close to opening a side blog entirely devoted to her awesomeness. (I see what Geoff Thorne means when he says she tries to steal the show. She does!)
OK, so, there's no way Forge has a team anymore at this point, so I assume the next issue will be a downtime one. I imagine he'll go home, have an existential crisis featuring his two exes (as you do) and then get back on the road. Or something? Also, the next issue has a Sage variant cover, which could imply she plays an important part in it. One can only hope. If it's the issue of Forge getting his ass kicked by awesome women, she should take part.
#xforce#x force#wednesday spoilers#comic book spoilers#comic book review#x-force#marvel comics#xmen comics#xmen forge#forge#daniel lone eagle#jonathan silvercloud#sage xmen#sage tessa#xmen sage#surge#noriko ashida#geoffrey thorne#marcus to
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Dammit I'm on post limit
#This never happened before ñeñeñe#I have many ramblingnesses I want to say but have been silenced for being on this dam app for too long >:l#I feel like I'm in timeout why is there a daily limit#Actually this is a good thing I should probably go to sleep
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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Yak and I are fake boyfriends. Yes, we started like that. But you know something? Yak is a huge green flag for me.
When I'm with Yak, I never question myself if I'm good enough. It's Yak who makes me realize how worthy I am.
Right now Yak is my peace of mind. I still don't understand why I wasted those eight years with you. Because right now, I really love myself when I'm with Yak.
Thank you, Yak, for coming into my life.
It's my pleasure. Alright then. Let's go home.
[Wandee Gooddday, 1.09]
#hands hands hands#it's always them with the hands#that first shot is so so so important to me#the way Dee lets go so slowly and puts the pressure on Yak's fingers to reassure him#and how Yak is still reaching for him and tries not to let go#i love them an unhealthy amount#i want to put them in my pocket and keep them forever#dee having these realisations and speaking them out loud was such a relief and so satisfying#dee letting go of yak's hand so he could take it again with such clarity of purpose and intent was so important#he wasn't just hanging on to yak because he was using yak and the fake relationship as a shield anymore#he was actively and purposefully choosing yak in the clearest way he could show it#i should probably write an actual post about that but it's late#i keep losing sleep to make gifs haha ugh#anyway i'm very normal about this show good night#wandee goodday#wandee goodday ep9#yakdee#yoryakwandee#wandeeyoryak#mia gifs wandee goodday things#mia gifs drama things#mia gifs things
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I’ve got you
My number one favorite?
Summary: Klyntar give each other's names meaning; little impressions they feel when they communicate to each other to express respect, experiences, or even contempt. Venom's name was always spoken with disdain and disgust, even among fellow Klyntar. After hearing Venom explain this concept to him, Eddie plans to change his symbiote's mind on what the name 'Venom' should truly mean.
(This fic changed me actually I cry because of it)
Honestly this might be tied with the first as my favorite fluff fic
Summary: At her wedding, Anne catches an intimate moment between Eddie and Venom.
You’ve probably already read this but it’s a good one and i would be remiss to not include it
Summary: Venom thinks Eddie and Anne should get back together. Eddie suspects there's something else going on.
Summary: Venom copies the things Eddie does to understand him better. He loves Eddie, and just wants to get inside the human experience a little more than he already is.
Featuring: sleeping, wearing clothes, reading, and eating.
(Also this author has several other cute fluffy fics so maybe check those out)
drop me some symbrock/veddie fluffy fics please? or angsty with a really happy ending ? please? 🥺
(poolverine, hannigram, nandermo also appreciated, lemon is fine to be in it but i mainly want fluff 🥺)
#I keep organized lists of fics I’ve enjoyed#and this made me realize I need to read even more fluff for these two#normally I read a lot of angst but I love fluff#venom#symbrock#fic rec
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The only spn show I would like to see at this point is a pre-series miniseries adaptation of ‘rising son’
let’s see John come inches away from putting his 7 year old son down like a dog he suspects could’ve been exposed to rabies
#This is one of those things where like. I don’t ned it to follow the comic necessarily#but a little look into John figuring some shit out about Sam#and into dean as the unknowing savior#and into Sam as the outcast for reasons he can’t understand#anyways I can daydream about a genuinely good spn spinoff can’t I#with production value and writers who just want to tell a good story#something that ends bittersweet with the knowledge that yeah. That dog does actually have rabies and he will end up biting#but John can’t put him down#And no Sam won’t hurt anyone on purpose#but the damage will end up happening#ok it’s past 11 and I got probably 3 hours of#Sleep last night so I should go to bed#lea speaks
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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my niece stayed with us last night. it was pretty fun this time, probably because I was feeling better (if I'm already in pain or exhausted, I can't handle it). after we dropped her off, we talked to my mother for a little bit, and then drove to my in-laws. we were there for a few hours and because the guys were busy outside, i ended up talking to my mother-in-law for most of that time. it was... kind of good? I don't know. she actually showed some real emotions, just a little bit, but hey that's more than ever before! I even gave her a weird little shoulder squeeze/side hug, it was so weird.
anyway, I almost fell asleep in the car on the way home because I was so tired, and actually did fall asleep immediately on the couch.
#it's pretty annoying because my mother-in-law of course asked me how applying for jobs is going. I haven't applied for a single one yet#bc dude I can barely get through the day. I sleep for 12-16 hours a day. and I'm almost always in some kind of pain. and I'm not doing so#good mentally either. come on! I interacted with a handful of people in one day and had to sleep for like 6 hours.#anyway so I said it's a bit difficult because I'm constantly tired - it felt like the only thing she might kind of understand?#annnd she said its probably a vitamin D deficiency and I should get that tested (I won't because I'd have to pay for that and also I think I#read that taking vitamin D supplements doesn't actually help? I can't remember now and I don't want to look it up bc I know it definitely is#not the only or even main reason I am always tired.#I took vitamin D tablets for several months last year (?) bc my previous GP recommended it and. it did absolutely nothing at all#plus. like. I can't sleep. I sleep like shit. always. so. idk? that definitely doesn't help#and I sleep more when I'm in pain and all that too. so.#and she knows I have a bunch of health issues but. nope it's vitamin D because that's one thing and it's simple and here take a pill you're#fine now! wait why aren't you fine now? oh I guess you're just lazy 🙄#< that's 100% how that would go#ugh. Just let me sleep for 5-10 years. maybe that'd fix me....#like. I'm trying to get myself back (?) to being an actual human person again. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm trying to#live and not feel like I'm drowning every fucking day#finding a job is only gonna add more stress and exhaustion and everything. if I want to try to help myself this is the time to do it#okay rant over I'm going to sleep now#personal
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r.une is so awesome! he's the kindest guy ever and I always drop by the thieves guild whenever I'm not doing anything just to hear his pretty voice
#ash rambles 💚#and he's handsome!#steal me away 🐉#ugh it's been so long since i've played s.kyrim#or uh. anything other than c.yberpunk#school keeps me busy and#i also got some wisdom teeth removed today! and two other teeth! it's... not the most comfortable! I'm trying to stay chill about it but#FUCK i miss solid food so much#anyways I'll try my best to get some sleep! I'm trying to downplay it but it's probably not a good idea to like. not rest after all that#so yeah if i havent been as activate as of late it's just a mixture of that + school + me trying to platinum cy.berpunk 2077#i think I'm at about 75% trophy achievement? which isnt bad at all#sorry i was talking about r.une#s.kyrim has ass lighting but. his eyes are actually green! i just think he's sooooo handsome!#I can't really kiss since my face is all swollen but i am mentally kissing him all over! he's just such a sweet guy! i know i ship with a#lot of men that are a little rough around the edges but. not him#he's just a genuinely nice guy#(ignorethat hes part of the thieves guild)#oh speaking of I've started to play o.ctopath 2 again. starting to drag myself out of my gaming slump#it's just... been such a crazy last few weeks. with school and life and my mouth... and the roadtrip in which our tire went kaboom in the#middle of nowhere.. everyone is okay but it's still definitely a moment that made me go 'what the hell is wrong with ash's life' LMAAAOO#gonna save that story for the grandkids! BAHAHAHAHAA#oh speaking of kiddos. i've been developing the kiddo for s.eifer a lot as of late! her name is selena + she wields a gunblade like her pap#and just like how her papa has a thing for s.quall (/hj) she has a thing for s.quall's kid LMAAAOO#ah shit it's almost 3am.. I'm gonna go to sleep! i should rest after today#good night my friends#or. well. good morning. since you know. it's so late ajdkahsjq#I'll get back to the regularly scheduled f/o posting eventually <3#your knight until the end 🤍#also also I've been reading john koenigs the dictionary of obscure sorrows and annotating it like the nerd i am. fucking hell it's so good#apologies to all my friends who keep getting spammed with me analyzing it LMAAAAOO y'all are the best
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God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.
#speculation nation#i say as if i didnt submit myself to this and am not willingly paying for this to continue#idfk man ive always hated therapy. just kinda kept it going bcus i was so messed up about the whole grief shit#and i guess it's been maybe helpful. i dont know.#SHOULD i mention this tomorrow? i already know it's ass and entirely undeserved#if i did it'd mostly be another source to complain about it. theres really nothing anyone can say to make it better#bc it's bullshit and it already happened. and i already have the objective proof of yet another person losing interest in me.#... i dont know. i feel like it's inevitably going to come up. it's already taken up so much of my thoughts.#my every dream last night stemmed from it all. it was such a fitful night of sleep.#i can only pray that i dont dream about it tonight too. i want a fucking break from it all.#i hope she loses sleep from guilt. i hope she hurts every time she remembers what she did to me.#i hope she comes around tomorrow so she can see the face she kissed and she lied about loving#so she can remember im a person with feelings too. a person who opened up to her. a person who trusted her.#............ okay maybe i should talk about my blatantly vicious retaliatory remarks with my therapist.#i tried to reign it in but Bitch Mode definitely came out earlier today. when it was fresh. and i just wanted to make her Hurt.#i still want that honestly. i want her to truly regret doing this. to be filled with so much guilt for how she chose to do it.#i cant change her feelings. no matter how much i might want to. but i sure as hell can make her regret it.#i feel like im allowed a bit of petty bitchiness after this bullshit. but i also dont like the person i become like this.#anger issues. perhaps i should talk about my anger issues with my therapist.#easier than just rehashing the whole breakup. though i'll probably have to do that some too.#but better to have a goal for it. a direction to focus on. so that it's not just me complaining.#... it still wont be fun. and my ex mentioned coming round an hour after my therapy ends for dropping the shit off.#so Assuming she actually shows up (still not convinced she will after she flaked on me twice)#it's gonna be therapy and then seeing her right after. god it's gonna suck.#i'll try to do some homework maybe. and then maybe see if anyone wants to hang out later tomorrow.#my friends r the real ones. hanging out with me for 7 hours... they traded off between them but still#for 7 hours i was not alone. and that was very nice of them to do.#good things. positives! focusing on the positives. i am a healthy person with a healthy outlook on life. smiles.
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I need to go to bed I’m just gonna shout a lil
#ice hockey needs to chill the fuck out#I had such a good night tonight!! was ssosososossososososo happy#but afterwards people started shouting in the group chat#and they all have very valid reasons for being angry but my god the us vs them mentality is STRONG#I am concerned abt how much people want to escalate things and how quickly they’re moving to do that#I am aware I am a doormat and a people pleaser or whatever but#I mean for one this is a tense political situation and we don’t wanna burn bridges#(there is no real politics i am being dramatic to be clear)#two clubs. alike in dignity. in fair Verona where we lay our scene#and I am personally managing at least 4 fragile egos that are all highly volatile#as well as an internal divide that’s threatening to cause problems very soon#I also should not be part of this anymore! and yet.#also why are specifically men who play team sports so dramatic when you get them all together#like that’s a whole shitstorm that is so easy to set off#anyway with my club I can’t blame the committee for being dramatic (different way to what I just said they’re not the same people)#bc I sure as fuck was overdramatic which fed into other people ramping up BUT that normally snapped me the fuck out of it#so I tempered the worst of it yknow. but I don’t think this new committee has that#/is not willing to listen to the person who would play that role#anyway if people don’t play nice it’s going to start some actual shit which will be deeply unpleasant for everyone#particularly the people who are in both clubs and do not deserve this bc they’ll be getting it from both sides and theyve done nothing wrong#anyway! bedtime now <3 I’m just frustrated bc the person who maybe would’ve calmed everyone down is out of commission#and I should not and am not willing to have the power to tell people to stop even though I probably still could#it’s whatever. sleep#luke.txt
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y'all i'm like. so tired and overwhelmed right now. dare i even say sad.
#friday chats#tw vent#i should really go to sleep. but do i have the energy to get ready for bed? absolutely not#this feeling is exacerbated by the fact that it's **probably** that time of the month so i'm trying to be brave about it but like. augh.#i feel like there's a million things to do for college prep and then i'll actually be IN college and i'll have even MORE things to do#and it all feels so big and i am very small#i signed up for courses today!! but apparently i might be given a scholarship for the honors program at my school#and if it's big enough i know my parents aren't gonna let me turn it down#so i'd have to change up my nice schedule that feels like it's a good fit for me#and i also just REALLY don't want to do an honors program#i'm so tired from high school honors and dual credit and i want to go easy on myself since i do plan on getting a master's degree#and having to write and defend a thesis is something i'm absolutely not equipped for#even if i have department help i cannot public speak to save my life. it scares the shit out of me. hate hate hate it#i don't know. i just want things to be easy for once. or at least easier#this isn't even the only thing it's just the thing most recently on my mind#i just wish i had time to rest and prepare to feel totally ready to take on this new chapter of my life#...buuuut i don't. time marches ever onward. and all that.
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messing around a bit
#delete later#man i havent rly drawn for myself in a while it feels weird#trying to play around w my style lately but i dont think its getting anywhere whwhkjsdghjdg#shoutout to yuzuru if nobody's got me after burning out all of my creative juices ik hes got me#should probably go to sleep early tonight got assigned another project to work on through next week at my internship 😔#still going through a very mixed feelings stage regarding on how i see my art but ill live i guess#just. nothing is good enough. im never gonna be satisfied. i think this looks fine. this is the worst thing ive ever seen and made.#im gonna fall behind. it isnt a race. everyones already far ahead. maybe this is okay. why are you satisfied with this much its not enough.#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa being an artist am i right ! agony#well i guess lately its not that i just havent been drawing things for me but more like i cant for some reason. burnouts an asshole#even though i really really did want to make things it honestly sucked ass not being able to i rly dont know what id do if i cant draw#actually took some time for myself yesterday and walked around town a bit it was nice. pierced my ears again and treated myself#but as consequence of course i am now broke </3 unfortunate#hmmmmm idk what im saying kdjsjgdhhskgjdhsdg hope things r going well for everyone else if you're even reading this! may u have a good week#man i wish i just knew if things are gonna be okay#hngggg baru aja tiga bulan masuk balik sekolah sama udah secapek ini wkwkwkwkkwkwk payah gk sih gw ini#masih setahun lebih sampe lulus juga head in hands kenapa gk bisa tidur buat seminggu aja aaagh#ya yang penting juga gw masih hidup sih gk mau kemana-mana kyk gini#aaaaaaaaa gk mau masuk studio besokkkk mau tidurrrr#me when i have to do my job at work#i wonder what i should make for lunch and dinner tomorrow. knowing me though ill end up falling asleep as soon as i get out of the shower#sorry this is. all over the place props if you're even reading this far LOL apologies you have to see me rant a bit
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Every day I get 🤏 this much closer to getting out of chapter 1 of Chazzerella.
#when I can actually get myself to sit down and write I actually make progress#who knew?#but no yeah we're getting there#I'm not gonna be a liar about it happening this year like I was last year#chazzerella is happening baby#you gotta wait until it's finished though#but once it's done I can finally officially put OUAD 2 back on the table again 👀#that's my rule I can't start writing OUAD 2 until chazzerella is finished especially because I mean to do chazzerella last year#and that plan completely fell apart because last year was horrible I'm amazed I could vring myself to write anything#much less finish and release a few things#I also started the mario crossover instead of doing chazzerella that's a nother problem#which remeinds me I need to slog my way through the rest of the next chapter of that#I have a plan I'm just having a hard time actually sitting down and doing it you know? jyst very slow going#the next chapter after that is basically already written though#so I mean that's good I guess akkskks#not that anybody gives a shit about that one other than me anyway#which I mean is fine I'm doing that one purely for me anyway but it still kinda blows#doesn't help me with my slow progress either#but I digress#I have to work tomorrow or I guess technically today so I should probably actually sleep?#we'll see#yugioh gx fanfiction#chazzerella#abby's fanfic writer power hour#abby's insomnia thoughts
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