#Actually I don't think the length of the trip matters so much here but it might later when referring to it

[pyrepostings]

Prodigal Son

Free Birds and Fiddlers

cw: referenced past events of the story, including character death and abuse. Polite discussion of Christianity (specifically the story referenced by this chapter's title), mild implied homophobia that gets checked

~~~

Kevin settled himself on the starboard side deck, bringing his knees as close to his chin as he could without losing his balance to the waves, and holding his staff in hand for further aid in not tipping over. He tugged at his hair with his free hand.

The others were port side as far as he knew, likely going below now they were surrounded by water, and would be for some time. While he had agreed to come back to Paradis, he wasn't going to voluntarily be be brought below deck again for anything.

It wasn't long before Julian came around the corner, with two bowls of food in hand. Kevin smirked slightly as the otherwise very dignified man had not quite the sea legs of a sailor, at least Kevin had an excuse for poor balance.

"Do you mind if I join you? I brought lunch."

Kevin nodded, forcing out a "yeah" and re-positioned himself so he could wedge his staff between himself and the wall and took the offered bowl.

Lunch was some kind of cured ham, sauced and seasoned, with bread on the side. They ate in silence, washing it down with a thermos-full of tea. It was an uncomfortable silence, Kevin knowing there was much that still needed to be said, and knowing there was much Julian wanted to say but was afraid of Kevin reacting poorly so soon after the tentative peace was struck.

Kevin figured there were things for him to say too, sooner or later, and so broke it himself.

"I want you to know, Julian, that I'm sorry for hurting you. I shouldn't have. I just... I just didn't know what else to do at the time."

Kevin didn't look at the other man, but he felt him shift to look at him.

"I also want you to know. When we get back, I'll accept whatever punishment you decide for me. Just. Please don't tie me up again. Please." Kevin hid his head in his arms, breathing heavier than he was expecting to at that confession.

Julian was silent for a moment. "I meant what I said, when I told you there wouldn't be a punishment. You have to follow the terms of parole you agreed to, but I'm not going to hurt you. I promise."

"I know that's what you said but you couldn't have meant it. I know you were just saying that so I wouldn't hurt you more."

"Kevin, I meant it completely. All you have to do is ask to come back and you would be welcomed back with open arms. And you have asked. And so you will be welcomed back. I don't punish for the sake of punishment."

"But I hurt you. I killed Minstrel."

"And I really wish you hadn't. But- you've been punished enough. You weren't in your right mind. Hurting you more wouldn't bring him back, and you choosing to come back is like reviving you from the dead anyhow. I just want you to feel safe again. Why would I push you away now?"

Kevin stared off at the waves before replying. "Is everyone else going to feel that way?"

"I specifically ordered him not to go after you. Both times, in fact. But it was his choice to defy them. And you had made your intentions clear to him after the first. I won't say you were in the right either, but he knew what you were prepared to do, and he went of his own free will anyway. That is the truth, and that is what I will say to anyone who gives you trouble."

"Are you going to make me swear loyalty to you, commander?"

"Mm, I would like it if you did. But I can hardly force you. Either way you would be under my protection. Besides, you already swore loyalty to Elsa all those years ago. No one could argue you haven't served at least a few good years to us. Earned the right to still wear our crest, if you chose to."

"hm. And technically I swore first to Ezran anyway. I renewed my vows to Elsa."

"Exactly, see? You're one of the old guard."

Kevin did feel relaxed by his words, if only slightly. He seemed sincere. He leaned back against the wall behind him and closed his eyes against the sun.

"But I've been gone for so long. Will anyone actually remember that? Or just the crimes I've done?"

"I'll make sure to remind them if they ever forget."

"Thank you, Julian."

The time and silence stretched between them, gently rocked by the waves until Julian spoke again.

"There's something I wanted to ask you, if it's alright?"

"What is it?"

Julian pulled out a file of papers. "I'm sure you know, but part of the agreement to have you released back to us included giving me a copy of your file. Every conversation you had in custody, every note of your actions and whereabouts, of the trial."

"Alright?"

"Would it be ok with you if I read it?"

Kevin huffed. "As if anything in there is a secret?"

"I know, I just wanted to be clear with you. If you don't want me to read it, or any specific part, I won't. I'll throw the whole file overboard right now if you sincerely ask me to."

Kevin arched an eyebrow. "I don't think you'd actually do that. But if you wish to read it, and would truly follow my wishes, you may. I just want you to know... a lot of that- I'm not proud of what you'll find in there."

"I know. That's why I asked."

A particularly turbulent wave sent Kevin off balance, forcing him to extend a hand, and sending a slight shock of pain from where he instinctively extended and put pressure on his wounded leg. He felt a touch at his shoulder which quickly retreated.

"Sorry."

"It's fine. Thanks."

Kevin adjusted slightly, not wishing to fall off balance again but also trying to wrap himself against the cold sea wind as much as possible without the thick woolen cloak he had stubbornly refused. He could feel Julian's eyes on him.

"What?"

"It's just- do you want help?"

Was there an air of smug amusement in that voice?

"No I'm fine."

"You look cold, is all. We can go below deck to get out of the wind-"

"No! No. I'm fine, I don't need to go below deck." Even as he spoke, he could feel the chill setting into his bones in a way he knew he would soon regret not finding a way to ward off the wind.

Julian hummed, clearly not convinced but also having learned his lesson about pressing Kevin about things that weren't an immediate danger to his life. Kevin did notice how Julian let his own cloak open. An invite? It was clearly intentional, from the way he shifted to allow more of the fabric to the side where Kevin sat. He wasn't being slick at all.

Kevin rolled his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"You know, we have these lovely cloaks, handcrafted and specifically designed to protect against the cold which comes with being outside, and not up to much strenuous activity."

Kevin suppressed a smirk, suddenly enjoying the game they were now playing. "I know, I used to wear one. Yours seems to have fallen, right- ah right there."

"Hm, so it has. I barely noticed. That probably means I don't really need it right now. Would you like to borrow it?"

Oh, he thinks he's so cool. Unfortunately Kevin had already decided he wasn't going to wear one of those anymore. "I don't need the whole thing, just a corner, I think." He slid a bit closer to Julian, letting their shoulders touch. "If that's ok."

Julian nodded. "I didn't think you'd want to be this close to me."

"Don't get me wrong. We're not there yet. But- I do miss you. I miss what we used to have. And I am cold."

"Mhm. Alright." Julian threw the side of the cloak over Kevin's opposite shoulder as he snuggled in, pressing his entire side of his body up to Julian's, and tucked a few fingers under his flight harness for security against the rolling waves. He felt Julian shift in a way that seemed to be checking to make sure Kevin wasn't snatching anything off of said harness, but then relaxed back into him.

He was warm. And the way Julian stroked his hair, like he used to, sent a different kind of shiver down his spine.

It was comfortable. Sans the hard wooden floor, and the rocking of the boat, and the gulls cawing-

Kevin pressed his face into Julian's shoulder and neck, just above the collarbone. Why did he ever leave? He could have had this the whole time.

With Julian's hand in his hair, and his own fingers entwined in the other man's harness, mooring him in place, he let himself drift off.

~

Julian couldn't be 100% sure Kevin wasn't trying to play him, but if he really did still hate him for what happened, he never had to agree to come back.

Kevin had a long way to go. It was true many of his old comrades turned against him when he had initially lashed out, and most of the rest when news was brought that Minstrel was dead by his hands. And that wasn't to speak of Kevin's personal journey in his own head. Julian knew by now what false peace looks like, how quickly a riptide can pull one under.

But he was hanging on, now. He would have more people than just Julian looking out for him specifically, a whole net this time. People that Kevin helped many years ago. People who were hurt in very similar ways, and maybe that would help more than Julian ever could have done the first try.

For now he smiled at the barely audible snores that started from Kevin. He opened the file still on his lap.

~

Eventually, Quinn came around the corner.

"Oh, sorry, I don't mean to intrude. I just wanted some air."

"It's fine. I was just doing some reading." Julian was suddenly very aware of his hand still in Kevin's hair at his shoulder. Aware because Quinn made no secret with the way he looked at him that was what he was referring to.

"He was cold."

"It's warmer, and dryer, inside you know."

"And stuffier, so you've mentioned."

"Eh, true." Quinn leaned against the guardrail. "I guess I just didn't realize, how involved you two were."

Julian quirked an eyebrow. "And what do you mean by that?"

"Nothing! Just that you didn't let on. You've been awfully reserved with that information, before last night I never would have suspected-"

"Allow me to interject, officer. Neither you, nor your crown, is entitled to know every last detail of our relationship. I will state plainly that I plan to uphold the deal I made with your government for his relative freedom, and any involvement with him will not hinder that.

"In addition, while you are coming along to keep his parole, the laws of Paradis are slightly different to those of your home. Not everything outlawed there is outlawed here. Not everything you know to be a sin is considered as such here."

His tone was hard, but diplomatic.

"Right, right, I'm sorry. Commander, I didn't mean it like that."

"Mhm, of course."

Kevin stirred beside him but made no indication he heard anything. Julian rubbed his head softly to coax him back to sleep.

"I guess I just didn't realize until now why you intervened for him."

"I didn't pull him out of a life of incarceration because I'm romantically involved with him, if that's the point you're trying to make."

"So why did you? You broke the policy of isolationism to fight the courts for extradition. For one man."

Julian watched Kevin's face as he rubbed his thumb gently along his scalp. "I've never been Christian, but a long time ago, he taught me some of the stories from the bible. I imagine you're Anglican?"

"Yes, why?"

"Do the stories change much between denominations?"

"Depends. Exact wordings change depending on the exact translation, but the overall stories and messages should stay the same between, say, the king James version and the catholic one."

"Then you should know the one about the son who goes off into the world, squandering all of his father's money. When the famine comes and the son has nowhere to go lest he starve and perish to the elements, he returns home, groveling to his father's feet, not believing he would ever be worthy of forgiveness.

"Instead, he is immediately forgiven. A feast is held in his honor. The father is just glad his son came home.

"Are there truly no obvious parallels here? He asked for help, to return to my side, so of course I would fight for him."

"Well I suppose, when you put it like that."

And at Julian's side, Kevin curled almost imperceptibly closer.

Masterlist

[why-animals-do-the-thing]

I promised you some lions! Let's talk about manes, males, and management.

This is Tandie, the current male lion at the Woodland Park Zoo.

Notice anything odd about him? He's got one of those hilarious awkward teenager manes. Except... this cat is nine years old.

I was, of course, immediately curious.

Manes serve a lot of purposes for male lions, including being an indicator of health and fitness - it's actually a sexually selected trait and a social signal. Mane texture / hair quality / length is dependent on nutrition and the body having energy to grow (and carry around!) that much hair! The color is also a signal: males with darker manes have been found to have higher testosterone levels.

In one research report, wild males were much more likely to avoid a lion decoy when it had a longer or darker mane - but the girls really loved a dark mane. It's thought this is because a long, dark mane is an indicator of mate quality. Males with longer, darker manes have higher testosterone and were pretty healthy: meaning they had more energy for fighting, had a better chance of recovering if they got injured, and generally had a higher rate of offspring survival. Manes matter!

So, back to Tandie. He was actually born at the Woodland Park Zoo in 2014 alongside two brothers, to dad Xerxes and mother Adia.

This was Xerxes (rip).

Obviously, a very large, dark, lush mane on Xerxes here. So where did these blond muttonchops come from on his son?

I asked the zoo docents and got an answer that didn't make a lot of sense. They told me that after the three cubs grew into adolescents, they were moved to the Oakland Zoo together. But living together suppressed his testosterone, and he never grew a mane.

Hmmmm.

Here's a photo from 2016, when the brothers debuted at Oakland. They're a year and a half old in this photo.

(Photo Credit: Oakland Zoo)

And here's from an announcement for their third birthday.

(Photo credit: Oakland Zoo)

Okay, so these dudes obviously all were growing manes as of 2017. I think Tandie is the one on the left in the first photo, and laying down in the middle on the second. What happened?

I was just in the Bay Area for a zoo road trip, of course I went to Oakland and tracked down a docent to ask some questions.

It turns out that shortly after the brothers turned three, they started acting like adult male lions: they started scuffling regularly. It's a normal social thing for male lions to live in groups, called coalitions, but according to my lion experts there's generally a baseline level of some social jostling within them. It wasn't quite clear from what the docent said if they couldn't manage the boys together, or if they just wanted to avoid the scratches and small wounds that result from normal lion behavior. Regardless, they put all three of the boys on testosterone blockers in order to be able to keep them together as a social group.

Now, I don't know a lot about the use of hormone alteration as a form of captive animal management, except in the case of birth control. I don't think it's something that's unethical - there was just a webinar on it that I saw go by - but I don't think it's commonly done with big cats. Lions have kind of complicated reproductive cycles, and for instance, we've been learning that female lions can take much longer to come into estrus again than expected after coming off hormonal birth control.

In males, testosterone blockers (or being neutered) means they lose their manes. This is why a lot of rescues will do a vasectomy on their males instead of a neuter - it allows them to keep their mane and the social signals that accompany it.

Tandie returned home to Woodland Park Zoo after Xerxes passed in early 2022, and the docent told me all of the lions had been off their blockers "for while." I'd guess those things happened around the same time, since bringing the trio down to a duo at Oakland would reduce some of the social tensions.

Hormones are such interesting things, though. One of Tandie's brothers has a full mane again, and the other is still totally mane-less.

As for Tandie, his mane is growing back in, and it looks like he might rival his dad for length and coloration.

He started here, in February:

Yesterday:

What a difference four months (and maybe proximity to a girl) makes!

[merakiui]

MERA, THAT NEW TREY FIC HAS TICKLED MY BRAIN SO GOOD LIKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! ヾ(≧▽≦*)oヾ(≧▽≦*)oヾ(≧▽≦*)o

Surreal horror has always been one of my favorite types of horror because of the unsettling atmosphere and the reality-bending and you wrote it so well! You did amazing when you wrote the dream sequences in DRU, and now to actually read a whole dang fic with the theme?? With Trey of all people???? OTZ OTZ OTZ You've unlocked so many new possibilities with his Doodle Suit, truly the Gaslighting King of all time 👑👑👑

AND THE SYMBOLISM!!!!! please please please please ramble about them if you want-- I'm having so much fun rereading this fic again and again. The Violet Butterwort caught my attention cause isn't that a carnivorous plant? 👀👀 Trapping insects in its leaves like a certain grass-haired man??? 👀👀👀

Anyway, all I'm saying is, Trey is not the only chef around cause you definitely COOKED with this one 🔥🔥✨✨

( ≧ᗜ≦) AAAAA OMG OMG THANK YOUUUUUU!!!!!! ✨ ✨

I'm so happy it tickled your brain! I adore surreal horror in film and writing. There's just so much potential for the craziest of things to happen! Dream sequences or sequences that feel like dreams are some of my favorite things to write. The ones in DRU are also just as surreal. <3 I originally wanted to write this concept with Jade (Kalim was second on my list), but I decided upon Trey in the end because I think he suits the surreal horror vibes so well! Doodle Suit + the power of seamless gaslighting........ what a terrifying combination.

I wanted the story to feel obscure and almost like a trip with the imagery and descriptions. Sort of like the vibes in Alice in Wonderland. Just,,,,, utterly bonkers.

👀 you are very right about the butterwort hehehe!!! As for other symbolisms/details, these are the main ones in the story! I left out some of the symbolisms of various lines or words because that would make for such a long analysis of my own work. ^^;;;

It is under the cut due to length (forgive me)! A warning for mentions of sexual assault and drugging!

✧ the binary can be translated into messages. :)

✧ the feeling of itchiness - feeling as if you don't fit in your body after it's been violated. Feeling like something (trauma/blocked memories) is beneath your skin and you can't get it out no matter what you do. Also, itchy as in discomfort.

✧ grass - this is meant to be Trey. It's how Reader views him throughout the story.

✧ violet butterwort - as you noted, it's a carnivorous plant that traps insects! It's also a symbol of resilience and a common charm used to ward off supernatural evils.

✧ birthday cake with 20 candles - the plot is that Reader and Trey are/were in a relationship and on Reader's twentieth birthday Trey drugged their tea (chamomile) and had his way with them when they were half-conscious. Thus, Reader was never able to indulge in their birthday cake because Trey took it all. Cake can also be a metaphor for Reader's body.

✧ the line "it will take twenty more..." is in reference to the healing process and how it's going to take Reader time to heal from everything.

✧ xylophone chimes/broken glass - the juxtaposition of something sweet-sounding with something jarring.

✧ the white rabbit - a sense of innocence/comfort lost.

✧ "Soups are easy to eat. Easy to slip special sentiments in." - a reference to drugging.

✧ "Soup is what becomes of your brain when your body is too itchy." - disassociation during something traumatic (in this case, sexual assault).

✧ the hedge maze that never has a true exit - the feeling of being lost and trapped and never having a real escape.

✧ the grass bow around the white rabbit's neck - the obsessive and unhealthy hold Trey has on Reader. How he can't let them go.

✧ static - lots of noise and amidst the noise there's Trey, whose own voice is sometimes static and other times soothing enough to cut through the static.

✧ the sequence of "it's here and then there and then here again..." - an allusion to the Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland when he's giving Alice directions, but they're all over the place.

✧ every time the grass whispers or speaks - things Trey told Reader when he assaulted them.

✧ "In and out. Out and in. In and out. Out. Out. Out. Incessant itchiness. Get it out." - double meaning for breathing but also the act of sex (thrusting).

✧ the questioning of "that didn't just happen, did it?" - how Reader feels in the aftermath. But also just a general question in response to gaslighting. A consistent questioning of one's reality.

✧ Reader's association of the word "gross" with cake (especially birthday/confetti cake) - it ties into the above and also the part in the story about favorite foods and memories.

✧ teeth falling out - usually, in dream interpretation, this symbolizes a recent loss or mourning of something lost.

✧ hyperdontia - the horror of having a mouth and a voice but never being able to use it because it's so clogged with teeth, so no one will ever listen to or hear the things Reader desperately wants and needs to say.

✧ Frozen Charlotte dolls - Victorian era dolls that could float in the bath. They were also baked into cakes. They're called Frozen Charlottes based on a folk ballad called "Fair Charlotte," which tells the tale of a young girl (Charlotte) on her way to a ball with her lover (Charlie). It's dreadfully cold out, but she frets over the fact that wearing a coat will prevent everyone from seeing her pretty dress. She freezes to death on her way to the ball and arrives in her carriage as a frozen corpse. I think these dolls are fascinating and so cute, so I just wanted to compare teeth to Frozen Charlottes. The description of having a dozen tiny dolls stuck in your throat made for unpleasant imagery, so I wanted to write it!

✧ "A black rabbit blinks up at you with its milky-white eyes. Its nose twitches. Once. Twice. Thrice. A loud gust slithers through the field in which you currently observe, surrounded by decaying greenery and wilted wildflowers. They sprawl endlessly, clawing at the horizon beyond with broken fingers. You watch monochrome tones sway, dried petals flaking off like scabs against a battered, bloodless sky." - this is the same paragraph as seen in the beginning, only certain details have been changed. It's a hint at some sort of cycle that Reader's just only beginning to see. Idyllic beauty is no longer so blinding now that Reader sees what they didn't notice before.

[verosvault]

🚨SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 8 OF BURROW'S END!!!🚨

Dimension20 "Burrow's End"

Episode 8

Timestamp: 15:11

Video Length: 4min. & 52sec.

I can't fully explain how powerful this scene is to me. One thing I love about Dimension20 is the fact that they're never afraid to roleplay the hard situations and the hard talks. It's-

I love how Tula has this hard conversation with her mom and she isn't afraid to tell her mom that she has an obsession with power and control. Ava really seems like she's at a loss for words, and it's understandable, because she's being called out on it....and it's hard. It's because Ava feels so much guilt and shame for losing Ken. The same feeling that Tula probably feels for losing Geoffrey. Ava chooses to feel guilty and tries to forget what happened... while for Tula, her losing Geoffrey is a constant reminder to her that you have to always be careful because so many bad things can happen? It's like- ugh. I don't even know if what I said is right..but that's... that's how I feel and it's so strong.

I wish I could have a talk with my IRL mom like this. In a way that she can just understand and apologize. Which, Ava didn't apologize right away, she did it later on. But I don't even think my IRL mom has apologized to me for so much. She just guilt trips me and says that she failed to raise me...or whatever. And I'm like...if I could have a talk with my mom like Tula did with Ava, and my mom actually just sat there and tried to actually understand what I was saying, I really feel like my own relationship with my mother would grow. 🥲 It's crazy how they have these types of talks in a show like this!! It's SO REAL and they're just playing a game of D&D! It's insane!!

And like- Viola standing up for Tula! Ugh! It was SO NICE! I LOVE Viola and Tula's relationship SO MUCH! How Viola sees Tula as a role model for her own self! I'm- It's so amazing! Tula and Viola are definitely my faves this season! I just can't with them! Rashawn did such a GREAT JOB with this season and I want to see her in more seasons! She gets so involved and attached and I can't even explain how much I enjoyed her in this season!! 😭✋

Also, Lila trying to comfort Ava near the end because Lila felt a little bad for her. Ava was getting cornered, but...the reason Ava gives for thinking and feeling that way...it kind of makes sense? Even though it's not the best thing to say or even think about and put onto yourself mentally. About like, when something bad happens, just finding someone to put blame on or saying that you haven't done enough or telling your own kids that when they lose someone. That's so tough. It's not right. But I can see why someone would feel that way. It's like- always wishing you could've done more. Because if you did more, then things like that "won't happen". But the truth of the matter is that sometimes things are just out of our control...and we have to have an understanding of that. Sometimes there really just isn't anything that could've been done. :/ As sad as that is...that is basically what Thorn was describing to Ava. Sometimes, life just HAPPENS! And you can't do anything but stand and watch.

I love how this season is scary but is also able to explore these super interesting family themes! I love it so much! It's so relatable in multiple ways and it's insane because these are stoats! It shouldn't be this relatable but it really is! I love watching shows that involve strong family dynamics! (One of the many reasons why I also love "The Umbrella Academy"!)

Family is strong! And it's so cool to see a family grow mentally, emotionally, and physically! My relationship with my family isn't the best. But it's cool to see the people inside of a family trying to talk things out and improve their relationships with each other so that they can finally bond and become stronger! 🥺 The messages here are so strong and powerful and I don't even know how else to say it or explain it in words! 🥺🥺🥺 This has been such a strong, and heartfelt season! 😭✋❤️

[crimeronan]

hey what is wwaitsoatl?

oh! it's what we are is the sum of a thousand lies, my most popular toh fic by FAR and the thing most toh people here started following me for. back before i got sucked down the princess luz hyperfixation rabbit hole. it's a fic that takes more work to write than any of my others because it has an incredibly involved drafting & editing process. bc i am a perfectionist.

the premise is a canon divergent timeline wherein belos suspects that hunter lied to him at the end of hunting palismen. and completely wrecks hunter's shit forever. and infects him with curse goop in the process. and darius (who, Very Importantly, does not yet have a friendly rapport with hunter) trips over the kid's half-dead body.

and freaks.

and kidnaps hunter n takes him to the owl house. bc that's the one surefire place of refuge on the isles.

there are a bunch of emotional threads, hence why it's novel-length and not even finished yet despite being about just four characters chilling in a house together.

mainly it's about:

hunter unraveling his cognitive dissonance and cult brainwashing in an AU where he doesn't have all of hollow mind's answers; his feelings are Incredibly complicated and messy & he gets incredibly mean and snarly about it

darius grappling with the fact that his own grief and resentment blinded him to a kid who Very Much Needed Him, darius dealing with the fact that actually he never DID grieve his mentor or his mentor's dead family

darius and hunter developing a rapport in a timeline where hunter very much has Not broken out of all the cop shit that darius disdains So Much. so darius is so fucking exasperated and tired all the time

eda trying desperately to help hunter learn to live with a curse / chronic pain / chronic illness, while having very little faith in herself to begin with

luz feeling Horrifically guilty about hunter's curse and injuries, bc she thinks she should have clocked the abuse and brought him home with her or otherwise stopped it

hunter developing an almost immediate and pathological emotional attachment to luz because of her kindness, which complicates all of his complicated feelings WAAAAAY MORE

eda, darius, AND luz all desperately trying to get hunter to admit that he's been abused and that what happened wasn't his fault. you would not believe how fucking long it takes.

i'm actually really, really, Really proud of it -- it's rare for one of a writer's best works to be their most popular, but this genuinely is one of mine. if not my best work, period. there's a lot of nuance and messiness and emotional complexity and grief and arguing that i'm SO happy with.

also, despite the subject matter, it's often extremely lighthearted. some of the funniest dialogue i've ever written is strewn throughout all these serious emotional threads.

i'd apologize for how long this response is but this story is a heart project and has 67,000 published words on ao3 so far. (the chapter i'm writing rn will likely be another ~8,000 words, then there are a couple more chapters to come.) so there's a lot to say!!

it's my most popular ao3 fic for any fandom, ever, in the 12 years i've been on the site. the response has been WILD. if you sort by kudos, it's the 31st most favorited owl house fic Of All Time, the 7th most popular fic involving darius, and the 5TH most popular hunter & luz relationship fic. again, of all time. which is. insane.

people have been very kind and patient with me having been too sick to work on it for a while. there was a seven-month break between chapters 8 and 9, and if i finish chapter ten soon then there'll have been a nine-month break between chapters 9 and 10. so i don't know how many people are actually going to come back to read it, a lot of ppl have moved on from the fandom and such. but i'm extremely extremely extremely grateful to everyone who's given it a look!

[geddy-leesbian]

SERRENNEDY POKEMON CROSSOVER AU FOR SERRENNEDY WEEK!!

As you can see above, this is very angsty. Leon and Luis both have a lot of trauma and Baggage. Luis almost has a panic attack and does some trauma dumping.

While there's no explicit smut on screen, there's a moment that gets kinda steamy and a fade to black/implied sex scene.

(oh and personally I feel very awkward swapping things out with pokemon terminology, like using "Arceus" instead of "God" so there is normal swearing here)

“Dr. Serra Navarro?”

“Well, yes, that is me, but typically I prefer Professor Serra,” His eyes wander all over Leon. “Though for someone as pretty as you, I prefer just Luis. Is there something I can help you with?”

Leon was afraid that he was going to go all the way to Alola only to find out it was all a complete waste because Professor Serra actually was just a professor unfortunate enough to share a name with a Team Rocket scientist. But that outcome is already ruled out. Either this guy is the lead he's been seeking for years, or he's an innocent professor that Leon will ask out on a date.

Due to excitement over finally finding a new lead, this trip was hastily put together, and Leon didn't realize how young Dr. Serr– Luis was. Once he confirmed that Luis was from Johto, he didn't go any deeper. He did see a couple pictures, but didn't pay much attention, and assumed the youthfulness was because they were older pictures. His assumption was very wrong. Luis is about his age and way too good-looking. The length of his grayish pink hair is braided, and the loose bangs are fluffy. His tinted glasses are a little too big for his face, but in a cute way. He's taller than Leon. And his outfit is fucking stupid. Shirtless under a lab coat. So stupid. It's hot.

A date with him will make this trip more than worth it.

“I just have some questions for you.”

“About? Are you a parent, or..? I don't think I've seen you around before, but I don't usually get anyone else dropping in on me like this…”

Shit. Leon really should have thought of a cover story beforehand. But in addition to not thoroughly researching Luis enough, he was also too high on the excitement of finally finding something after years of searching to bother thinking through what he'd say.

“Just heard about you, found your past interesting. From Johto originally, was wondering how it affected you. If you had any run-ins with Team Rocket.”

And it looks like Leon will not be going on a date with a handsome professor tonight. This is the guy. He recovers quickly, but for a split second, the phrase ‘Team Rocket’ invokes some panic in his expression.

“No. I was fortunate enough to never have encountered them.”

“You know anything about Mew?”

“Yes, of course? What kind of a professor would I be if I didn't? Mythical pokemon from deep in jungles in South America. Believed to be the ancestor of all pokemon.”

“What about Mewtwo?”

“I've heard the rumors, yes. A clone of Mew that was heavily genetically modified. But I believe that those are just that, rumors. There is no real substance to the claims.”

“Cinnabar Island. That's where you worked when Team Rocket captured and imprisoned Mew. You cruelly experimented on Mew. You helped create Mewtwo.”

“Who in the hell do you think you are, showing up at my doorstep to accuse me of such insane things?!”

“International Police!” Luis starts to shut the door, but Leon blocks the door with his foot. While he wasn't wearing his full uniform, he did bring his badge and takes it out to flash to Luis. He sees some purple fur coming up behind Luis. Must be an espeon, coming to protect its trainer. “Put that in its pokeball and open the door. Now.”

“I will do no such thing! I'm not proud of what I did back then, but I've done my best to leave it all behind, build a new life for myself. I will not allow you, or anyone else, to rip all of that away from me.”

“Not proud of what you did back then? So you admit it?”

“It doesn't matter. Arrest me if you really want, but it won't be anything more than a waste of time for the both of us. I'll maybe spend a night or two in jail, then be let go without charges being filed because I have a good reputation here and you have no evidence. If you try to tell anyone I confessed to involvement with Team Rocket, they won't believe you. You'll ruin your own reputation.”

“I do have evidence! Documents connecting you to the Mew experiments and the creation of Mewtwo.”

Luis actually starts laughing.

“You don't know as much as you think you do then. You find my name on a scrap of paper in the crumbling ruins of a lab, and think you know my life story! So arrogant! Yes, I did work at the Cinnabar lab, but I did not contribute to the creation of Mewtwo. I did not experiment on Mew. I have never had the privilege to even see the legendary Mew in the flesh. Mewtwo had already been created and Mew had already escaped before I was even hired. I can prove that your supposed timeline of my work history is impossible in court, so good luck getting a conviction!”

Leon moves his foot and lets Luis shut the door, and slinks away from his house with his tail between his legs.

…

Leon checks into a motel. He turns the TV on, but he can't focus on it. His mind can't stop wandering back to the conversation, analyzing every word. He fucked up.

“I'm not proud of what I did back then.”

He really fucked up. That could have been a very good angle. Tell Luis that this is his chance to atone and right his wrongs by telling Leon everything he knows about Team Rocket. Maybe even offer some kind of immunity deal if he still seemed hesitant.

But he had to get hot headed and fuck it all up. His first lead in years, and he blew it.

Not ready to admit defeat quite yet, he decides to give himself a day to cool his head off, before trying again. At least Alola offers plenty of distractions. He's not one for most of the tourist trap shit, but distracts himself with hikes through some scenic, and more importantly, rugged terrains. Pushing his body always helps him get his mind together. It's isolated enough that he can let all of his pokemon out too.

Something else Alola offers is a brutal sun. Leon didn't think to buy any sunscreen, and has a bad burn across his face by the end of the day. He's been through far worse, the pain is nothing to him, but he is annoyed at himself for being so stupid. His pokemon were quite happy with the exercise and exploration though, and his head feels clearer, so overall it was a pretty successful day.

…

A knock at Luis's door again. Rattled by yesterday, the knocking gives him a spike of anxiety. Still, he gets up to answer it, in case it's a student or parent that needs something.

He looks through the peephole and sees the same pretty International Police agent that came by yesterday. Luis really doesn't want to open the door. But he's worried it'll be worse if he doesn't and the man busts the door down. Besides, Espeon seems at ease with the situation, not alarmed and protective like she was yesterday. So he opens the door a bit, keeping the chain lock secure in case he tries to get in. (He would certainly be able to break the chain, but at least it would buy Luis a few extra seconds to try to think of a desperate plan.)

“Hello, officer! What are you here to threaten me with today?” Not wanting the agent to know how shaken he is, he turns up the sarcasm in an attempt to mask any nervousness. “Going to accuse me of experimenting on Arceus?

“No. No accusations today. Sorry, about yesterday. Wasn't polite to you. Can I try to make up for it, buy you dinner?”

“You can't seriously believe I'm going to just walk right into whatever kind of trap this is?”

“It's not a trap. Just feel bad about yesterday, I swear. I'm Leon, by the way. Think I forgot to mention it before.”

Luis goes to shut the door, but Espeon seems determined that Leon should be heard out, and telekinetically lifts the chain and nudges the door open. Leon smiles, and it cuts right through Luis's fear.

“I don't like you, and I don't trust you. But…” The prettiest man that Luis has ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on is trying to buy him dinner. (The angry red sunburn on his face does make him the tiniest bit less pretty, but he's still incredibly pretty.) Whether it's a date or something else, turning him down goes against everything Luis believes in. “I suppose I'm willing to put that aside for a free meal.”

“Look, you have every right to feel that way. But I really regret yesterday, I swear. It's just this subject… My parents were Team Rocket. Died on a mission,” Leon hates talking about this. With anyone. Back in his pokemon trainer days, before deciding to join the International Police, he'd had some time in the limelight. First as a rising star gym challenger, then as a champion. He always sidestepped questions when interviewers started asking about family. He especially hates talking about it to a member of Team Rocket. But this is the price he pays for fucking up yesterday. If he wants Luis to trust him and give him what he came for, he needs to give something himself. “Never knew details until I started investigating some stuff related to Team Rocket, found out they died on one of the expeditions looking for Mew. So this whole topic just gets me hot headed and dumb and I say things I don't mean and regret.”

“Well, it sounds like you shouldn't be an International Police agent then, if you can't separate your own personal issues from the job.”

“Yeah, maybe I shouldn't be…” Leon says, because what else is there to say? Luis isn't wrong. “C'mon, dinner. Walked past a restaurant on the way here, you know if it's any good?”

“Yes, we can eat there. By the way, are you aware that your face is extremely sunburned? I have stuff I could put on to help it.”

“Food first. Maybe after.”

“Suit yourself. I'm going to change, I'll be out in a minute.”

Luis ditches the lab coat and comes out with a top on, something that disappoints Leon more than it should. At least it's just a vest that shows off a decent amount of his chest. His hair is down today, and it somehow makes him look even better.

Leon regretted the way he approached Luis yesterday, but initially it wasn't because of guilt. Even if it wasn't Mewtwo, there was something Luis was involved in. He only denied experimenting on Mew and creating Mewtwo, he admitted he was a member of Team Rocket. Luis deserved the harsh treatment, he had only regretted it because Luis could be useful to him. But he does feel a small twinge of guilt for demanding he put his espeon in its pokeball when it follows Luis out the door and he sees that it has a service pokemon vest on. Maybe Luis would have felt safe and opened the door if he could keep Espeon out.

“I can walk there fine,” Luis says, noticing Leon looking at the harness. “I have an injury from a long time ago that flares up from time to time, but Espeon can sense when I'm going to have problems with it, gives me warning, and helps me not fall on my face when it does act up and I struggle keeping my balance. But it is fine most days.”

They sit across from each other, Espeon laying under the table by Luis's feet. Leon has to keep reminding himself that this is not a date. This is an attempt to get Luis to move past yesterday's harsh treatment so Leon can have a second chance at interrogating him. Despite his attempts to not ogle Luis, Leon can't help himself, and notices something very interesting. Scars. The biggest one is on his chest, and another on his cheek.

Being in a public place seems to put Luis at ease. Somewhat, he's at least smiling and looking more relaxed. As it probably should. Leon is dying to grill Luis about the “injury from a long time ago” and the scars he's noticed since sitting down. But this isn't the time or place.

“So… Small talk time?” God. This is actually a fucking date. “How long you been a cop? And why are you still poking around with Team Rocket? They're not a problem anymore. Disbanded twice, no activity in years. One would think the International Police might have some, ah, you know, actual problems to deal with, eh?”

“Been one for a few years. There's not a lot of resources being used up for it anymore, but it still matters to me personally,” There's actually no resources spent on it. Leon isn't here on official International Police business. The Team Rocket hunt is just vigilante shit Leon does on his own time. “Just because they've stopped doesn't mean they shouldn't be brought to justice for the past. Their leader slipped away, it just doesn't sit right with me. I'm trying to nail as many members who slipped away as possible,” Luis's smile disappears. “As far as justice goes, I'm mostly concerned about the big fish. Leader, executives. Finding small fish is just a good way to get leads on the big ones.”

“So if I understand, you help the small fish, they help you? They tell you everything they know about the big fish, and in exchange you don't come down hard on them?” Leon smiles and nods. It'll probably take longer than it should have because he'll need to build some trust after freaking the fuck out their first conversation, but Luis will play the game and give him what he came for. Luis's smile comes back. “Well, interesting… How have your investigations been going?”

“I've made some good leads,” That's a complete lie. Finding Luis's name in the ruins of Cinnabar Island is literally the only lead he's had in years. But telling Luis that will make him feel empowered. “William's out there somewhere, just a matter of time until I find him. Or until he gets tired of licking his wounds in secret and re-emerges on his own, something I'm hoping to at least make harder for him by picking off people he'll need to organize.”

…

“Do you want to come in?” Is Luis trying to have sex with him right now? They did just go on a date, after all. Why doesn't Leon want to say no? “So I can help you with your sunburn.”

Shit. Leon needs to get his mind out of the gutter.

Leon sits on Luis's couch, and Luis drags a stool over by the couch to sit on while he gently rubs ointment across his face with his (gloved) hands. Their faces are so close together. Leon has to stop looking at his face, because he wants to lean forward and kiss Luis. So he looks down. At Luis's neck. A fatal mistake. Before his brain can even process what his body's doing, he's pulling Luis forward, off the stool and onto Leon's knee. His teeth are sinking into Luis's neck.

As soon as he realizes what he's done, he hopes that Luis is going to ask him what the hell he's doing and get up off of him, because he's not sure he'll be able to control himself if Luis is into this too.

Of course Leon isn't that lucky. Luis moans at the first bite. He moans again and grinds down on Leon's knee with the second bite. The third bite has him yanking off the ointment covered rubber gloves and just tossing them on the floor, so he can start exploring Leon's body with his hands.

“I wish I could make some quip about buying me dinner first, but you quite literally did just buy me dinner, so… And really, I would be happy with this even if you hadn't,” Leon just keeps biting as Luis rambles. Now there's a hand in his hair, that clenches around or tugs at it with every bite. There's another hand working the button on his vest, and Leon is quite impressed by his finesse. With one hand and without even looking, Luis quickly has all of them unbuttoned. Though it doesn't get him to the bareskin he's desperately trying to get to, Leon also has a button down undershirt on. Luis doesn't bother unbuttoning all of them, just a couple so he can reach the bareskin of Leon's chest. “Someone as pretty as you doesn't need to buy me dinner, they can just do whatever they'd like to me. You're a cop, you have handcuffs? I'm into that.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Leon pushes him off his lap and gets up, then picks Luis up bridal style. Partially because he wants to give Luis a subtle reminder that he isn't just some small-time cop. He is, in fact, a very well trained special agent in peak physical condition. But mostly because there's a very specific place he wants to carry Luis to. He wasn't lying about someone like Leon being able to do whatever; he readily accepts being picked up, wrapping his arms around Leon's neck. “Where's your bedroom?”

…

“I didn't know I was working for Team Rocket initially. They had things very well compartmentalized. I was hired by a shell company. They had a contract with Devon Corp, so it really seemed like a completely legitimate company.”

In the afterglow, Luis finally starts speaking about his past. Leon briefly wonders if this makes him a whore. He isn't getting money for having sex with Luis, but he is getting information. Something even more valuable to him. The entire reason he's here.

But intent matters, right? Leon didn't start biting his neck because he wanted information. He didn't suck his dick because he wanted information. He didn't put him in handcuffs and sit on his face because he wanted information. He did all of it just because he wanted to. Just because Luis is hot enough that Leon temporarily forgot that he hated him. He was fully prepared to just go back to his motel room after, without any additional info from Luis, and just keep building the trust. So while he's not a whore, he definitely is a slut. Whatever. He's making more progress in his investigation than he has in years, it's fine.

“I was in a research team focused on mega evolution, specifically artificial mega evolution,” Luis continues. “Devon had recently perfected an artificial pokemon line, Beldum. They wanted us to find a way to make Metagross mega evolve. It was no easy task… But we did it. We tinkered around, created an artificial mega stone that metagross would respond to. We researched further, tweaking things to modify metagross's mega form, until we felt it was powerful enough. I was informed that Devon was extremely pleased with the work, and given a promotion, to be the head researcher on a new project my company started…”

“Guessing that's when you started at the Cinnabar lab?”

Luis says nothing, just stares down blankly, frozen. Leon reaches for a pokeball on the nightstand, and lets his sylveon out. It knows exactly what to do, approaching Luis to wrap its ribbon feelers around his arm. Leon hadn't ever wanted a sylveon. He had wanted his eevee to evolve into an espeon, actually. He thought the psychic abilities would be useful in his line of work. But it evolving into a sylveon instead has been a happy accident. Its calming abilities can be surprisingly useful.

“Yes, it was,” Luis answers. He's still wincing at the memories, but Sylveon's soothing aura is preventing him from having a full-blown panic attack and shutting down. “All I was told beforehand was that it was another project related to artificial mega stones. This was when the Alola research about mega evolution being cruel on the pokemon was starting to come out, so in my naivete I assumed we'd be modifying natural mega stones in ways that would make it easier on the pokemon. I knew something was deeply wrong when I was led downstairs. Armed guards. There was a whole maze of hallways and locked gates. As I said yesterday, Mewtwo was already created by this point. It had also escaped once and only narrowly recaptured, so there was much stronger security. I was never alone, there were always at least two armed guards with me at all times. It wasn't just to keep Mewtwo from getting out, it was also to keep me in. I knew it was wrong, it made my stomach churn, but I did the work. I did what was asked of me. We made two artificial mega stones tailored to Mewtwo. Two different stones, two different forms with different strengths.”

Despite Sylveon's feelers, and now Espeon's face rubbing against his other arm, Luis breaks down sobbing.

“You're okay. You're safe,” Leon whispers. Sylveon moves away from Luis's lap, laying down at the end of the bed, so that Leon can wrap his arms around him. As helpful as soothing pokemon like Sylveon can be, sometimes people just need human touch. Leon wants to press for more information right away, but he's not going to repeat yesterday's mistake. He has to go slow, he can't risk pushing Luis away and making him shut down before he's gotten all the information he can out of him. “You don't have to tell me the rest right now. Take all the time you need, okay, sweetheart?”

Jesus Christ. He just had sex with a member of Team Rocket, and now he's calling him sweetheart. At least he's making progress.

Luis just clings to Leon and sobs for a few minutes, before finally speaking again.

“I didn't want to, Leon. I didn't want to. I didn't have a choice. They were forcing me to, they would hurt me if I didn't, and I couldn't get help. Not from gym leaders. Everyone knows that William was the Viridian gym leader, but it went so much deeper than anyone knew. The lab was right by the Cinnabar gym, Wesker was the gym leader and heavily involved in all of the Team Rocket science research. Alexia, Saffron's leader at the time, was quite involved too and came to the lab regularly. The ones who weren't involved were getting paid off to look the other way. The police were paid off too,” Leon entwines one of his hands with Luis's and squeezes it, presses chaste kisses onto his neck, trying to encourage him to keep talking. This is a goldmine. He's long suspected there was a lot of corruption in Kanto and some intentional incompetence during the initial Team Rocket investigations, but could never get anything solid. And the fact that there were other gym leaders directly involved is actually news to him. “It was so screwed up what we were doing, I lost sleep over it, I barely ate because I had no appetite. Until one day…”

A loud, choked sob.

“Mewtwo got out again. All the new precautions weren't enough. It attacked all of us, we deserved it… It was a lab, there were scalpels, lots of glass to break, so many sharp objects that it lifted with its mind to hurl at us. That's how I got all my scars. The worst wound was in my back. It almost killed me, if it had pushed the bone saw in even just a little bit deeper, I would have died. I only survived because… It wasn't luck, it didn't make a mistake, it chose not to wound me fatally, because… Because I think it got in my head, it didn't say anything but it made eye contact with me, and saw that I wasn't a willing participant in its torture. The room after, blood… So much… I was the only one spared, it killed all the others.”

Luis untangles himself from Leon and lays down, closing his eyes. Seems like that's all the information he's getting tonight. Which he isn't upset about, it's a lot, far more than he was expecting. He'd like to know more about Mewtwo, where it ended up after this, and of course he needs more details about Wesker and Alexia.

“Stay?” Luis asks quietly, when Leon starts getting dressed. “Please?”

“Yeah,” Leon does still reach for his pants, but doesn't put them on, just fishes out his notepad so he can write everything down while it's still fresh. “Okay, I'll stay.”

It's dangerous. Leon is so close to liking this guy. Something he needs to not do, because Luis very much has the potential to be dangerous. The main reason Leon had been so hot headed and harsh to him initially is because he thought he got away with everything. He thought that Luis was a monster, and, instead of paying for his crimes, just walked away completely unscathed. Just moved to a new region, was completely accepted, became a pokemon professor, a pillar of the community. A role model.

But that's been shattered. While it may not have been in the traditional route, Luis has paid for his crimes. Is paying for them. Leon is cynical enough that he might have believed everything was just bullshit to manipulate him under other circumstances, but there's enough that it's undeniable. There's more than just faded scars that could have been the result of anything, he has an actual service pokemon. Years later, his injuries are still problematic enough for him to need that assistance. And clearly, he is genuinely traumatized. No one is that good at acting, Team Rocket is truly a trigger for him.

The issue is that Leon doesn't know why it's a trigger. Even injured and traumatized, Luis could be dangerous. The best case scenario is that he's been completely with Leon, and truly hates what he did. The worst case scenario is that he doesn't feel any guilt for his actions, and his near death experience was the only source of the trauma, without any emotional side to it.. Even injured and traumatized, Luis has the potential to be very dangerous.

“Hey, Luis?” Leon whispers after he's done jotting down notes about what Luis said, hoping he's not already asleep. His eyes flutter open. “Is it fine if I let my growlithe out? Usually sleep with it.”

“Go ahead. Just don't leave me. I don't want to wake up alone.”

He should leave. Luis is dangerous. Luis is Team Rocket. And Leon might already be a little bit in love with him, and needs to get the fuck away from him before he falls in even deeper.

But he doesn't. Instead he lets Growlithe out, turns off the lamp on the nightstand, and spoons Luis. He falls asleep with his arms wrapped around him, face buried in his fluffy hair. Espeon sleeps on the floor in its own little bed, while Growlithe and Sylveon lay down by their feet.

[eluxcastar]

The little sisterfication of Sandrone

── ୨୧：sandrone & reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: sandrone being a moody tsundere child but it's cute

୨୧﹑genre :: fluff

୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, child character

୨୧﹑words :: 828

omg so I meant to do more of these back when I posted childe's but then I just never got around to it Idk why because they were cute and people wanted more of them and I actually have one for scaramouche in my drafts?? so here's sandrone

all little siblingification posts

Sandrone is not the fondest of her family, and I really don't think she ever has been, but there are exceptions, as with everything. She still holds you dear to her even now.

She misses your affections, really, like being sat in front of you while you would fix her hair. She likes how it feels as you brush the knots out of her hair, gentle enough not to hurt too much and overly apologetic to every noise she makes so that you know she's not too hurt by it. She doesn't know how you did it, just that she would recreate it in a heartbeat.

There were also the times you'd carry her around on your back, body tired and walking becoming too difficult. While her parents didn't want to hear of it, you were on your knees in a heartbeat, offering she gets on. Sandrone liked how close she got to be to you, snuggling up to your back, arms loosely around your neck as she looked over your shoulder and watched the streets go by. Your parents never liked your doing that, but you never seemed to care, laughing it off and carrying on, refusing to put her down.

You didn't care if she denied her liking for things or hid her overexcitement. The moment she wanted to go somewhere, you would take her if you could. Festivals, stores, events, the theatre if you had the money. You would save up every single mora you worked for to be able to take her to the theatre for her birthday and let her watch the performance. She was only vaguely aware of how little your parents contributed toward that, thinking they had been a part of it just as you told her it was a gift from all of you.

She'd go on talking about it for weeks, then start again by the time her next birthday came.

She loved the snacks you'd sneak her, buying her things while the two of you were out and feeding them to her over your shoulder, even your own snacks, which she claimed to not want, but would gobble up without a hint of hesitation before admitting they were only "Ok".

Along with these trips she remembers, Sandrone treasures every doll you made her. Even the wonky ones you tried to make by hand when you were a little short on cash. They weren't particularly pretty in a conventional sense and didn't have the same flawless charm as many dolls, nor were they made of porcelain.

Your handmade fabric dolls are imperfectly perfect. The eyes are a bit misaligned, and maybe the mouth is crooked. The arms aren't the same length either, but it hardly matters to her. It was your gift to her, and though she couldn't sit with you and marvel at how beautiful she was like your other gifts of dolls, she could certainly do that herself.

She could sit those dolls among her collection and treat them like priceless works of care and passion because they were. You may not be and probably never will be a famous dollmaker, but they're the most valuable in her heart.

No famous artist would make something that unprofessional, but something about that makes it better. It was made with your love for her.

Besides, she's still sleeping with the first one you made her. Porcelain dolls don't make very good bed buddies. Especially not when trying to sneak into your sibling's bed in the middle of the night to cuddle them where you feel safest. Somehow even if she's so sure she can go back to sleep after she wakes up, she will lay there for what feels like hours (it has been five minutes) and try to sleep only to concede that the other way to sleep is to go get in your bed and cuddle you.

She usually wakes up without you, wrapped up in blankets to keep her warm, and to you shaking her awake after leaving her to sleep in, probably because she stayed up too late. Sandrone's presence is not always unwanted, but you wish she'd stop staying up until ungodly hours of the night to do whatever it is she's doing at that hour, but at least you cover for her. You always tell your parents she's off playing, all the while knowing that you've concealed her in your bed and wait until there's an opportunity to drag her out of bed, clothe and feed her.

It's nice to sleep in sometimes.

Every time you try to leave, there's a child-sized growth attached to your leg, begging you to stay and play with her, usually because she's bored and has no one else willing to entertain her. You wish you could, but know you have to pull her off, kiss her head, and set her back down on the floor.

She wishes you would kiss her forehead in that way even now.

CROSSPOSTED ON AO3

[purgemarchlockdown]

Hm, seems like you didn't find who you were looking for.

---------------------------------------

I've been (not) working on the next Es Quest update and also my 7 other responsibilities so of course I *looks at notes* drew the Es Quest-ed of Yuno and Fuuta made by @74n5n the Es Quest-ed Kazui and Shidou by @stuffedsand and OoA Amane by @oboetemasuka I- I thought about it.

Originally these were all supposed to be base loop iterations and but some drifted a bit.

I have THOUGHTS on everyone, I added too much symbolisms but I'm also rather tired so there going to Sound Silly:

I Like Miku so I was probably going to do him no matter what but like, well:

Which of your choices belong to you? Make sure to obey properly

I will do everything… I swear!

I'm unsure if he would pull the same somewhat patient mostly not manipulation Amane did but I DO think he would bite people and then get punished for biting people. I don't know how long it would take to train this behavior out of him, I have a hunch that it's Much Shorter than I would like. Oparant Conditioning Moment. He has a cloak to replace his blanket, it's much stiffer than it seems.

Ayame...uh:

My wish is to stay like this forever, I'm scared, I'll grant your wish

Very much God's Specialist Girl and she's totally completely utterly fine with this :)))))

Run away, run run, you're done once you trip and fall. Was it a mistake? What's a mistake? You don't want to be punished again. 

(...you can really tell Miku is my favorite)

Kazui: Very "Haha this must be a peculiar situation for you" I Think. He's so very normal about being here actually and has no complicated feelings, he's FINE ACTUALLY About usually being type casted as the monster that people need to kill to save the world, he's Sooo Normal about being tired and dying all the time like he's so very normal about it actually.

Shidou:

Shidou really wants to stop being vaguely Sick all the time please, he doesn't remember how feeling healthy felt like. Someone give him some paracetamol at this moment. He keeps the Hero at a distance cause he's scared it's Actually Infectious. Most Diseased Middle Aged Man. His Stethoscope is tied around and caught on the stake so every time he moves he's scared he'll break it and he can't break it he needs to help people even if he is sick-

In other words: He's really not dealing with this "Being a diseased kitten that needs to be killed to save the world" thing well.

Yuno and Fuuta have already been talked about when it comes to loop iterations and I don't really have much to add there, but I purposefully made Fuuta's leash Bigger so that when it's around the stake it's Really Clear that he could get out. Everyone in Es Quest suffers from Learned Helplessness because Time Loop Torture Dimension (And they Could Actually just move over and remove it from the stake, they have hands. The only exceptions would be the ones with chains and Kazui cause his isn't on a stake, but even for the chains their too big so really they would just have to lug it around, for Kazui he could straight up bite through them-) but I wanted to really ram it in for him.

Kyanako we have already talked At Length about OoA Es Quest Edition but I put her Sideways so that her blindside Would Not be facing the Hero. Also I like to think that early Loops she was a bit soaked. Just... :DDDDD

[bethanydelleman]

Northanger Abbey Readthrough Ch 13

Isabella's true character is revealed Catherine, "Isabella appeared to her ungenerous and selfish, regardless of everything but her own gratification." and James Morland, smitten with Isabella, has his worst moment:

“I did not think you had been so obstinate, Catherine,” said James; “you were not used to be so hard to persuade; you once were the kindest, best-tempered of my sisters.”

And then when Isabella and John Thorpe PHYSICALLY HOLD CATHERINE IN PLACE, James continues to do... nothing. He only finally tells John to stop after Catherine breaks away herself.

#downwithJamesMorland

It's unfortunate because James Morland is one of the few unmarried Austen men by the end of his novel and you'd like to use him for fan fiction but his sister defence score is so low... (nothing is sexier than a man who treats his sister right!) James ends up reminding me a lot of Edmund Bertram. There is nothing wrong with having a crush on a girl, but you should not be willing to sacrifice your principles for her!

Catherine stands resolute. Her big defining moment of moral backbone is resisting peer pressure, which might not seem like much but it's hard! Especially with the opposition of her older brother. And I want to point out, it's not just to avoid another horrible carriage ride with Thorpe, she does offer to go with them the next day. As she contemplates herself, it was not only for her own pleasure that she refused, she believed herself in the right not to lie.

I love this quote:

If I could not be persuaded into doing what I thought wrong, I never will be tricked into it.

Also Jane Austen playing cheeky with our imaginations:

“She is as obstinate as—” Thorpe never finished the simile, for it could hardly have been a proper one.

My mind automatically goes to "ass" (donkey) by the way.

This type of sentence, that immediately contradicts itself, is used a lot in Jane Austen's juvenilia:

Her explanation, defective only in being—from her irritation of nerves and shortness of breath—no explanation at all, was instantly given.

Here is an example from Frederic & Elfrida:

They were exceedingly handsome and so much alike, that it was not every one who knew them apart. Nay, even their most intimate freinds had nothing to distinguish them by, but the shape of the face, the colour of the Eye, the length of the Nose, & the difference of the complexion.

We also have our first hint here of the General's true character:

To such anxious attention was the General’s civility carried, that not aware of her extraordinary swiftness in entering the house, he was quite angry with the servant whose neglect had reduced her to open the door of the apartment herself. “What did William mean by it? He should make a point of inquiring into the matter.” And if Catherine had not most warmly asserted his innocence, it seemed likely that William would lose the favour of his master forever, if not his place, by her rapidity.

He definitely has a temper and very exacting standards, for both his staff and his children. However, he is very polite with Catherine, which makes her think favourably of Thorpe, "made her think with pleasure that he might be sometimes depended on." If only she knew!

Catherine then learns that Mr. Allen doesn't think that the trip would have been entirely prudent, Mrs. Allen agrees but only from a fashion perspective. Catherine is mortified to learn she has done something wrong, but Mrs. Allen doesn't seem very concerned:

Young people will be young people, as your good mother says herself. You know I wanted you, when we first came, not to buy that sprigged muslin, but you would. Young people do not like to be always thwarted.

This is actually a pretty wise statement, though I'm not sure Mrs. Allen has really been doing her job as a chaperone properly. It also speaks to those grey lines around propriety. We don't see women in Jane Austen's novels ruined by a single act of impropriety in the way that contemporary Historical fiction/romance is always imagining. It is usually a pattern of behaviour. And people clearly understand that young adults/teenagers will be a bit wild at times, because you know, people are people and have always been people.

Now we get to one of Catherine's flaws (which will come up again) she doesn't understand when her actions will be taken as officious or meddling. Her desire to warn Isabella comes from a good place, but as Mr. Allen points out, it's only going to make people dislike her. Elizabeth Bennet has a much more delicate and prudent approach when it comes to Lydia going to Brighton, even though that doesn't end up changing the result. She knows that direct opposition to the scheme would only make her younger sister hate her, which would solve nothing and only create more problems. As Mr. Allen points out, if Mrs. Thorpe is allowing it, let it go.

[thedeafprophet]

The Boisterous Author plans to take their final leave of the palace. Things, of course, can never go that easy.

(Do read the tags on this one before reading)

Also On Ao3

Word count: 2.8K

Relationship: The Captivating Princess/Original FL Character

Rating: Mature

Tags: Consent issues, Forcefully Shoving Fingers Into Someones Mouth, The Princess Being The Princess, Minor References To The Gift, No Smut (feel the need to point that out with the rating lol)

Jamie had turned the office half upside down as they scrambled around the room, looking for the few items they couldn't bear to leave behind. The whole palace could damn itself to an even deeper hole in the ground, but Jamie would not be leaving without their favourite pen. 

They had reached their limit, one thing after another, and had come to a final decision to take their leave of the palace. No title or renown was worth…whatever the hell all that was. Best not to think too hard on the details. They learned more than they ever wished to know about the royal family. They'd seen things they'd never wished to see.

On the few nights Jamie slept in their room in the palace, so gratefully lent to them, they were up half the night, knowing about what lurks below. The greater threat, however, came from their worry about the goals of one particular member, and how much Jamie had done to make an enemy. They shiver at the thought of the countless horrors they have witnessed all at the results of her schemes. 

No, the more they stayed at the palace, the greater their risk was. They needed to get away. As far away as possible, actually. Perhaps more trips away from the city proper were in order. They had become particularly fond of trains.

By the time they find their pen, their mind has already started drafting a new novel idea of an outlawed monster hunter on the run, papers and books all mixed around. Somehow, they'd left it by the back of the bookshelf, cap left undone. Why on earth they put it there, they don't know, but they grab their beloved writing tool at last. Its well worn nib and incidental bite marks they’ve left behind a familiar and comforting sight. Jamie happily stuffed it back into their jacket pocket where it belonged. Now, at last, they could take their leave. 

They tried to sort the room back into a somewhat organized manner, finding more things they sought to bring back to their real office. A few pages of once discarded notes, a book of their favourite poems, and a manner of ink all were put into their case. There was no way they could take their secondary typewriter without making the length of their departure obvious, so they begrudgingly set it aside. 

They took one final scan around the room before they made their departure. They can’t say that they’d overly miss the location, but they had spent many nights working away at their writing here. That was, in a way, at least some form of connection. They give the room a final salute before they head to the door. 

Of course it wouldn't be that easy. Why would they have ever assumed it would be. 

A set of startlingly blue eyes meet theirs as soon as they open the door, and Jamie half jumps back in shock. Had she been waiting for them, listening in on their actions? No, surely it was just a coincidental matter of timing. They had not, however, heard any sort of knocking.

“Oh do tell me you aren’t going to just stand there staring. Though I of course can understand the urge.”  The Captivating Princess stood in the doorway to Jamie’s office, raising an eye at their apparent staring. Jamie’s heart immediately starts beating faster, anxiety pulsing in their chest.

Deciding they were taking too long to respond, she brushes past them to enter the room fully. Her eyes scan around, taking a moment to look over the contents on their desk. 

“Is everywhere you go subject to this kind of mess? I had thought the repellent state of your lodgings had been an outlier in the matter, but clearly I was mistaken.” 

Jamie pushes themself out of their shock, closing the door behind them and doing their best to force their mind to clear. It was dangerous, entering the dance of conversation without any time to prepare. 

“Ah, my apologies, your highness, I had not been expecting your presence.” Their hands fidget slightly as they speak, nervous energy running through them. “Why exactly are you here, if I might ask?” 

The Princess looks at them as if they just said something particularly stupid. “You do remember you're in the palace, don’t you my dear? I can go wherever I please.”

“Of course, of course. But this is my office, where I work. Not a prime locale for socializing, and I do prefer my privacy in manners of creation.”

The Princess just laughs at them. “Oh how adorable. This space is only yours because it is permitted. Every room, every object, every worker here belongs to the palace.” She smiles. “By all accounts, you do too.”

Jamie bristles at the comment, truly tiring of all these entities in power who seem to think there was any right to lay claim on them.  

“Well then, is there any reason you've come to this particular office of the palace, or may I get on with my afternoon plans?” They mentally remind themself over and over that they need to be polite, of the amount of danger they could be in if they toe out of line. It is a task they are always so dreadful at keeping to. 

“I’m sure whatever dull ongoings you had planned can wait. I am having a direly dull day and am in desperate need of some sort of distraction.” She edges closer towards them. Jamie instinctually takes a step back. “Is that not what you're here for, to entertain?”

Irritation grows inside Jamie alongside their fear. They are an artist, the best of the best, and here this woman was, acting as if they were nothing but a toy to be tossed around. Before, Jamie would have respected her as someone worthy, due to her position and title. Now? Now they know better. What good is the opinion of a monster?

“My job,” Jamie emphasises their point with a gesture at themself,” is to compose for events and special occasions. If there is a particular function you have need of my talents for, do feel free to make an appointment. However, if you're still in need of a playmate at your age, I cannot assist you in that matter.” Really, half the time Jamie couldn't believe she was nearly 13 years older than them.

That clearly wasn't the right thing to say. In an instant The Princess' eyes narrow in anger, and Jamie does their best to avoid her direct gaze. They know how people get around her, they know how weak their mind can become. 

Her voice has a dangerous edge when she speaks. “You should rethink your words. I came here for a solution to my boredom, do not make yourself useless to me.”

Jamie doesn't look at her as they speak, hands moving to point at the objects in the room. “Oh I see! And shall I use the lamp to set the stage lighting? The window curtains to create the scene? But of course, the desk could be a stage! It is a pathetic facsimile of a set piece, but naturally it would serve for such a repugnant audience, who has such little care for the actual depths of artistry.”

They shouldn't say that. Why did they say that? Yes, Jamie is well aware of their habits with snappy remarks, but they normally were able to hold back around her. Instead they found the words stumbling out, fear ignored in the long built up rage. Regret cuts deep through them the moment after their words spill out. 

Jamie knows as their eyes meet hers that this was a fatal mistake. Certainly, it was a mistake to stand against her from the start. Why would they ever stand against someone so graceful and elegant; how could they speak such falsehoods against such beauty. 

Jamie's thoughts are slippery and poisonous as they grapple with them, trying to stand their ground.

The Princess has an outraged sneer from their words, her voice vicious and dangerous as she speaks. 

“Sit down.”

Jamie grits their teeth. “No, I-”

“I said. Sit.” They're moving before they can fully process the command, falling back into one of their own office chairs. The spot seems far less comfortable than it was on the nights they had accidentally fallen asleep here.

The Princess follows their movement, looming over where they sit with a frightening expression. Jamie swallows an ever growing lump in their throat as their pulse rushes in their ears. Their hands grip the edge of the chair to try and keep from shaking.

The Princess is seething as she grips their chin, Jamie almost feeling the scratch of sharp nails through her gloved hand.

“How dare you speak to me that way. You are nothing but an ignorant little pest who should cower beneath my feet, thanking me for even gracing you with my presence.” If Jamie wasn't so caught up in their fear and rage, they would notice the glint of intent behind the anger in her eyes. “You need to hold your tongue.”

Jamie lets out a small humorless laugh. It wasn't the first time they've heard such a sentiment, and it wouldn't be the last. “By the very nature of the job, my profession dictates my use of words, your highness, or have you already forgotten that? Maybe if you-”

What remains of that sentence will never be spoken, as Jamie's eyes widen at their words suddenly being cut off. 

 The Princess had moved her other hand to jab her fingers into their open mouth, pressing down forcefully on their tongue to keep them from finishing. Jamie's hands instinctively reach to scramble at her arm to pull away the intrusion, but all that does is make her push harder. Saliva pools at the edges of Jamie's mouth as they choke around the insistent pressure.  

The Princess sighs at their reaction, looking the image of transcendent boredom, despite her actions and the glittering intent in her eyes saying otherwise. Her rage, it seemed, had died down, replaced with burgeoning entertainment as Jamie swallows heavily around the intruding fingers. 

“Of course, you have such pretty words, and yet I'm met with nothing but slander.” Her lips form a mockery of a pout. “What a waste. No, I know you can do better than that for me.”

Jamie mumbles what would be intended as an argument or a defense, but nothing can come out with their mouth otherwise occupied. Their disjointed noises seem to only further serve The Princess’ amusement.

“Oh, has the little songbird lost their words?” The statement is met with a pinch against their tongue. Jamie whimpers at the pain. “What a shame.”

Gloved fingers move to stroke delicately over their teeth, tracing over each as if examining them, hand mapping every inch of their mouth. The soft fabric brushes against Jamies tongue as they move, not altogether an unpleasant feeling. The urge to bite is strong, but even they are not foolish enough to attempt such a move. Jamie is in enough trouble already, fully at her mercy.

They know how strong those hands could be.

Jamie's thankful they don't have too much of a gag reflex as the back molars are touched, hand stretching further into their mouth. Jamie can only fathom at the image they must make, as tears threaten to edge at their eyes from the pressure, face quickly becoming very flushed. 

It's easier, they decide, to just sit and let her take whatever strange entertainment this seems to be for her. 

Her other hand comes up to stroke their hair, and Jamie shudders at the memory of the first time she did so, freed only by the mercy her sister seemed to possess. Jamie didn't even have the option to talk their way out now, their only line of defense taken. 

Despite the tension, the fear, and the adrenaline, Jamie can't help but relax at the soothing movement, their head leaning into her hand. The actual format of the situation couldn't change the fact that they craved attention, that it felt good, to have such focus on them and them alone. And what focus it was! Truly, they did not deserve her attention. 

The hand in their hair tightens with a sudden sharp tug as Jamie is made to look up at her, half choked with the angle. They can't tell if their struggled breath is from the position or their racing heart.

The Princess coos at them, her voice a patronizing tone as her hand twists russet locks further, tears pricking at the edges of Jamie's eyes. Still, they meet her gaze, and follow the direction she pulls them. 

“How delightful. I knew you could be good, if you only bothered to try.” Her grip relaxes again, and Jamie sinks in relief. “Little songbirds shouldn't say such nasty things - you should be so grateful you have me to help.” 

Of course she's right, how could they have spoken so harshly. How kind of her, of such beauty and grace, to take them in hand. How generous to show them the wrong of their ways. 

They don't know how long they stay like that, their hands still loosely griped on The Princess’ wrist as she pokes and prods, seemingly fascinated by the responses she can receive. They're not sure the passage of time even matters anymore.

At last, The Princess seems to feel that she has made her point, or at least has finally gotten bored. Jamie barely breathes out a sigh of relief as her fingers leave their mouth, not daring to make a sound and have her change her mind about releasing them. 

Jamie looks up at her through half lidded eyes, mouth still open where a trail of saliva connects to her fingers. Their jaw aches. 

She makes a half disgusted face at her glove, moving to wipe her hand off on Jamies suit jacket, before cupping their chin once more. The Princess’ eyes sweep over them with a pointed interest, a sharp jolt of fear washing through Jamie despite the flush of their face. 

Her smile is still so radiant. 

“Have you learned your lesson now little bird?” Her voice is delicate, like a chime, and all of Jamie's senses scream predator. There's nothing they can do but gently nod their head. 

“Is that so? See, I don't think you have. I think that once I leave, you'll go right back to your insufferable little habits, and we'll be back to square one, now won't we?” Her hand lands back to twist in their hair. 

It's an audacious concept, really. Jamie hasn't been changed by anything yet, of course they haven't now, no matter how highly The Princess holds herself.

Jamie is expecting her to tug again, but to their surprise, her hand moves to push their hair out of their face, back behind their ear. She follows down to cup their cheek, thumb stroking slightly. “Unfortunately for you, I have more important things to do today then spend it all on you.” Her hands begin to draw away. “We will deal with this behaviour another time.”

Jamie is barely processing the implication of that before she's fully stepping back, and Jamie has to startle to hold themself back up on the chair. They barely manage to look up as The Princess finally stalks out of the room, as if she hadn't just shoved her hand halfway to Jamies throat, as if she'd just come in for some casual conversation. 

The second she's out of the room, whatever spell that had fallen over Jamie immediately drops. Exhaustion sinks into their bones, their jaw and tongue ache, and most of all their mind runs over what the fuck just happened. 

They spend a few minutes leaning back in their chair, trying to keep their breathing calm, trying not to think too hard on what level of danger they've gotten themself in. Their clothes have become exceedingly uncomfortable, and they were in desperate need of a drink. They shift in their seat and grimace, moving to wipe their mouth. A bath was in order too. 

Soon, they'll manage to push themself up from where they're sitting, and scramble together what remains of their exit plan. They'll take their final leave of the palace, with intent to never return to their writing work here, as much as that could be managed. They'll do their best not to think about the encounter, though it will continue to replay in their mind for many days.  

Most of all they'll try to ignore the imprinted image of red eyes that will surely come to haunt their nightmares, both dreading and wondering what ‘later’ would entail. 

[goldenspecter]

Did the ask about the whole Leo being above and manipulative not go through? I'm not pressuring you or anything it's just that sometimes I get anxious if people don't give me some kind of responds to an ask such I'm not answering this types and what not it's completely fine if you don't of course also I'm talking about the ask that was made about the 2007 fight post about Leo and raph fighting constantly here's some of what your wrote in case you don't rember the post it's kind of old

your post: Once again, I am wishing Rise fans can praise the movie without insulting/demeaning other iterations of TMNT. It's absolutely frustrating, as a fan of all the iterations plus Rise, constantly seeing people go "Rise did the Raph/Leo fight better than other where it's not just "Who's a better Leader/Leader" fights!" when not that's not the case. Rise didn't do it 'better' than the others, they just made it much more explicit, without using leadership as the framing of the fight, but the other iterations are not actually fighting about Leadership.

again sorry if this comes off as peer pressuring I'm just trying make it clear what post I'm talking about so were both on the same wave length again I apologize if this is annoying.

Hi anon!

Yes your ask did get through, the only reason I didn't answer quite immediately was due to me not really being on Tumblr this past week. I saw your ask and was intrigued because it's a BIG /pos question, I had to ramble to my partners @dakotafinely and @namiikilo about this, and share my thoughts with them about what you asked first.

I also wanted to present my answer in a way that makes sense, hence why it took me so long. So don't worry about pressuring me, I just wanted to take time and make sure I could convey my point in a coherent manner. Sorry about causing the anxiety /gen

This is the original ask:

Since the way you worded your ask leans more towards Bayverse Leo from how you included certain actions only he does, I have to compare him to 07 Leo to make my point. Here are my thoughts, as coherent I can make them:

The Short Answer: I think Bayverse Leo, as a whole, was an attempt by the writers to expand upon 07 Leo's characterization, but fundamentally misunderstood what made 07 Leo so infuriatingly perfect.

The Long Answer(buckle up):

07 Leo is, at his core, a natural evolution of how Leo would have matured as an adult Pre-Rise. Perfectionism and having such a high standard on himself of all people combined with the knowledge of him being so good at what he does, would heightened his arrogance and beliefs in his own skills.

This is how it was/is before he took the journey, across the world that kept him separated from his brothers for over a year. Leo has been expected to be perfect for so long there would only be a matter of time before that expectation jades him, that he would become a bit of an asshole who wrongly believes he doesn't need to lower himself to anyone's standards because he is the standard.

*I discuss things that are mentioned in the prequel comics, specifically the issue that discuss and expands upon Leo's Journey. So I'll include screenshots from the wikia that explain the events in that.

** I also own these 5 prequel comics!

However, since he went on the trip by himself, and with none of his brothers, especially Raphael, to keep him in check, his ego and sense of self got warped, and especially with the things he's gone through on his journey. He learned all of these things from his journey but never actually put them in use towards his own family in several different ways:

Leo lacks compassion when it comes to his brothers and why they took on their jobs and new roles and scoffs at April when she's explains to him what they do. He lacks the compassion to inquire with his brothers and the way they were all hurting-- Mikey feeling like his family isn't whole anymore, hence his nostalgia for the good days, Donnie having to care for their arguably disabled father while also working an at home job, Raph having the trauma of witnessing an former vigilante who seemed to understand him die in front of him, and that being how he got the Nightwatcher armor we see in the movie(Promise he would take it because David, the vigilante, didn't want anyone in his family/police to figure out who he really was.) Compare this to Bayverse Leo, who audibly and explicitly hears and knows how his actions harm his family, but chooses not to engage with it and dismiss their feelings.

Leo lacks humility and refuses to understand his brothers as they've changed. Because of that, he refuses to try and understand his brothers as the people they are now.

07 Leo is extremely selfish and shortsighted because of how he constantly frames the journey he went on was for them, to better himself for them.

He lacks the courage having the courage to even consider how badly they were effected by him going on this journey.

He most importantly lacks community that he continually estranged himself from

Each one of these things that's bolded or italicized is a trait that he was supposed to have learned and fully understood on his journey.

In my eyes, the things that makes 07 Leo stand out from Bayverse is more so how all of these external components worsened his fractured development. Bayverse, in a way, engineered those components that fractured his development.

07 Leo has never actively gone out of his way to revoke or invalidate his family's autonomy, right in front of them compared to Bayverse(who as a reminder forced Donnie to lie to his brothers about the possibility to be human and got on Raph when he called him out for revoking their autonomy to make a choice at the chance of gaining privilege where they are currently systemically disadvantaged), but does it in the way that can be perceived as him doing what is best for his family. Examples being him not wanting to admit or entertain the idea that the night watcher is going good or that his own family made the choice to idolize the vigilant on their own—he believes that night watched is encroaching on his territory and also being a bad influence to his brothers, primarily Raph and Mikey and fights to stop Nightwatcher from being a bad influence on the two and the fact that Leo perceived his own methods to be effective, combined with his own hypocritical view of Nightwatcher—or him attributing fault to everywhere else but 07 Leo potentially being part of the problem as well.

However, you can possibly argue that because the world has jaded him so hard and he has forgotten the point of community, the world had literally made him hate humans on his training journey. It eroded him of certain things that by the time he gets back home, he just doesn't have that compassion he supposedly learned on his training and doesn't learn to dig within himself to practice empathy to his brothers and doesn't bother seeing them as who they are now, he literally scoffs at the idea of who they have become when April tells him and expects them to fall inline as perfect soldiers and obey orders, to erase what made them them, doing unto them as what has been done to him.

In addition, along with him being a pretty perfect development for a character like Leo, pre-rise,he has been expected to be perfect for so long there would only be a matter of time before that expectation jades him, that he would become a bit of an asshole who wrongly believes he doesn't need to lower himself to anyone's standards because he is the standard.

Leo's and his family's arc in the 2007 movie is about growing up and fixing a broken family caused by abandonment from pretty much all angles, Bayverse Leo is the one who's the agent and inevitable cause of abandonment nor is he mired by the tenets of nostalgia among him and his family either and the unwillingness to grow up and mature.

Could this be more coherent? Absolutely, maybe in the future I'll make a video essay giving a full retrospective on the 2007 movie and especially with the frustrating yet beloved nuance of 07 Leo's character.

Either way! Hope you enjoyed hearing my (still somewhat disjointed) thoughts! <3

[duhragonball]

I can see that the problem with a lot of early Dragon Ball Super episodes is the pacing. Even ignoring the fact that these episodes are based off of movies, if you can cut a lot of filler out, you can probably reduce both the Battle of Gods and Resurrection of F sagas by at least half, maybe even by three-quarters. That is a problem that GT shares, I just noticed.

The thing I keep thinking back to are the Transformers and GI Joe movies of the 1980s. Transformers: The Movie actually had a theatrical release, but then they cut it up into episode-sized chunks and ran it as part of Season 5 of the Transformers G1 TV series. I never saw it in that format, since the cartoon got cancelled where I grew up, but there were these bumper segments where Optimus Prime is telling the story of the movie to some live action kid.

GI Joe: The Movie didn't make it to theaters, probably due to logistical issues and the box office failure of Transformers. So I think it was direct-to-home-video, and they also ran it on TV. I'm pretty sure I first saw it as a movie on TV, but later I found out it was also broken up into chunks and aired as episodes of the TV series. Those had live action host segments featuring the real-life Sgt. Slaughter.

The point I'm making here is that both films could be presented this way in just five TV episodes apiece. I think Battle of Gods and Res F had longer runtimes, but all they had to do was edit the existing movies into TV-length episodes and air them that way. What would be the harm? Were they afraid of losing money by giving away the movies for free? They were already doing that by reanimating them for TV anyway! At least my idea is cheaper and easier to do.

And if they'd done it this way, there would have been less frustration with the early episodes of Super. The pacing and animation quality would have been better, and the filler episodes would be less obnoxious because you'd know for sure which ones were new material and which weren't.

And you're right, it is similar to the problem with GT. In the end, Toei was never concerned about making either show good so much as they wanted to run for as many consecutive weeks as possible, in order to hold onto their timeslot. So when they don't have a manga to work from their instinct is to just drag things out acording tot their production schedule. That's why the battle with Zamasu in the future took three separate trips through time. That's why the battle with Omega Shenron lasted as long as it did. They had a certain number of episodes blocked out for it, and very little in the way of story notes to go on. As long as the characters fight the bad guy, it doesn't matter what they do or whether it makes sense.

In GT, Goku would seem to do okay against Shenron, sometimes even seeming to defeat him, and then he would recover and be back to full-strength, and that would be the cliffhanger for the next episode, where they'd start all over again. They repeated this formula for like seven episodes until Goku finally got to defeat him for realsies, and the only reason that worked was because they knew Episode 64 was the last one.

The Zamasu fight followed the same pattern, except that the good guys would simply retreat in the time machine instead of making any real headway. Then Zamasu wrecked the time machine. Then it turned into the Omega Shenron formula where a good guy would do a big move and Zamasu would dash their hopes to set up the next episode.

This is why the Tournament of Power was so good, because even though the Goku/Jiren fight followed the same repetitive formula, you had 78 other competitors on the same stage. So even if Goku and Jiren's latest clash didn't resolve anything, there would be something else happening in the same battle that could keep things fresh. That, and someone at Toei finally convinced the studio that they had to make the anime look, you know, good, or it would hurt the brand.

To be fair, pacing issues are a little harder to notice than other quality problems with a show. Fans are just happy to see their blorbos on the screen, and even if the story is dragging, they still get to have that, so they feel mostly satisfied. But eventually, it becomes harder to ignore, so when you do a string of episodes where not much happens, fans will begin to get restless and bored, and wonder what else is on. You can get away with bad pacing, but only for so long.

The way I noticed it is when I started writing reviews/recaps/what-have-you for stories, and I would sit down and ask myself "What happened in this chapter/episode?" And sometimes I would realize that the answer was "not much". And I would think "Hey, at least this'll make it a quick write-up... wait, that kind of sucks."

[aparticularbandit]

thoughts on enogiri ?

Yeah, yeah!

Honestly, I really love imagining them pre-Killing Game.

I love the idea of Kyoko Kirigiri who has no idea about anything regarding love or relationships and who is always and only detective and who doesn't intentionally keep herself closed off or separate from her classmates but just naturally is those things - like, let's be real, Kyoko has never really had a childhood. Jin tried up until he abandoned her, and even then, she was going on constant trips with her grandfather, she was never really staying in one location for very long, Kyoko has no idea how to actually have a friend at all and has been taught that friendships and family and all that other stuff MUST be seen as LESS THAN being a detective - and, yes, Yui tried, but the entirety of Danganronpa Kirigiri is Kyoko having a moment and then closing back up again because hey, look, this hurt, and I screwed up by trying, and I'm never gonna forget that I screwed up and I can't do this again - that's what the gloves are for!

So like. Kyoko who is this bundle of trauma and training and doesn't know how to people even if she wanted to people and isn't sure that she does want to people because the one time she did people it literally, quite literally blew up in her face--

Being literally adopted by Junko Enoshima who does not know how to keep her mouth shut and cannot take no for an answer and it does not matter how much Kyoko goes off by herself, Junko is going to chase after her because no, you are my friend now, and you don't get to escape this, I'm choosing you, and I don't care, and you're MINE.

Because let's be real. Junko preys on the vulnerable. And when it comes to interpersonal relationships, Kyoko is vulnerable. Kyoko is very strong in who and what she is, although she occasionally has doubts over the whole being a detective is more important than the people you care for thing, but she's very secure in who and what she is.

And Junko says, look, here is this entire world you are shutting yourself off from, and I want you to be part of it, and I'm not taking no for an answer. You don't have to be with anyone else, but you have to be with me, and you're going to like it, and you're going to like me, you're going to love me, even if you don't want to, even if you're scared and vulnerable. Even if no one else wants you, I want you.

Choose me.

Kyoko being warmed by that. Because she really, truly is alone. And she doesn't want to be. And when someone as insistent as Junko reaches out and says you don't have to be alone, eventually Kyoko will say okay and cling to the one person that she has. Because she's all she has.

And that's what Junko wants.

Abusers take lengths to separate their victims from their support system, but if we're honest here? Kyoko never had a support system. Her dad abandoned her. Her grandfather thinks she's just fine on her own. Yui is dead. Her mom is dead. Her other grandfather is dead. Kyoko has Kyoko.

....

And, in this case, Junko.

Who is exactly not the person you want her to have.

(Junko doesn't have to convince Kyoko she's alone. Kyoko already knows that. Junko just has to convince her that she's the only one who will push through her barriers and stick with her no matter what. And that's not hard.)

Semi-Related, someone made a comment early on with OAEI (that's...the fic I've been posting; I'll link to it) that the first game feels very much like it's Junko and Kyoko's story, like Kyoko is meant to be the protagonist and Makoto's...there and not really a concern until after Kyoko goes to bring him back, and like. (They did a much better job explaining this than my overview.) That rings so true to me. So much of THH is so personal to Kyoko, from the murder of her dad to the tidbits that are left for her, specifically, to find (and are absolutely NOT meant for Makoto, which is why he gets knocked out and has the relevant secret information stolen from him), to the endgame investigations revealing that Kyoko was still her dad's password (which means, yes, he did still care about her) and the present of her dad's bones wrapped up just for her to find--

Makoto's the protagonist, sure, and he becomes the Ultimate Hope, sure, but the Killing Game is so much about the relationship between Junko and Kyoko.

The whole thing is a murder mystery.

A present.

Wrapped up for her girlfriend.

Because she loves her.

With the end driving her into despair just the same as Junko is.

(Except for Makoto getting in the way.)

I just.

I love the dynamic of them so much. I love exploring them.

They're cute.

[tadpolesonalgae]

this chapter was so good! i feel like we got to see a little of everyone's thoughts here which im glad because her view of everything really is so limited. there's so much to say omg i hope i don't rant for too long

first the azriel pov was good to see how things are going from his side but it does kinda suck that he still mostly cares just because of his job. i hope we actually get some feelings from him soon, even if platonic because things aren't looking good for reader

maybe i've been too hard on the ic lol but i stand by that they should try harder. i get elain telling nesta she needs time but this has been going on for years and no matter how much reader likes reading and staying up in her room it's not healthy. i get it worked for elain but it's clearly getting worse for reader so i hope after this shopping trip they start pulling her out of her comfort zone more and more, like it doesn't have to be dinners with everyone but at least once or twice a week making sure someone takes her out of the house even to like a bakery or something for at least an hour isn't that hard to do and it helps a lot. i know i get stuck on this issue a lot but i think ive said before that im kind of similar to reader in a way, ive always had a tendency to isolate myself and i cant really do large groups of people but my family has always pulled me out of it and dragged me to do something and i was usually mad the entire time and sometimes half in a panic but it works. giving her time and space is good but after months and especially years that space is just making her more and more isolated and makes it harder to help. and i think the biggest thing is that its been years since she's been fae but it makes sense that they had their hands full with the war and then nesta was on a way more self destructive path and then nyx so i get it but i wish they helped more. and i get elain not wanting to make her more uncomfortable but she's not really helping to be honest, just because she likes being in her room it doesn't make it good at all and nesta is right. it's been too long for them to still be letting her hide from everything, it's clear she isn't okay.

as much as i loved the chapter it was so frustrating to read. reader really doesn't think she deserves anything good and it sucks. like not even clothes? i know mor saw how bad it was so i hope this makes the ic move more because this isn't a good way to live at all and there are so many red flags with reader at this point. she clearly isolates herself, she thinks she doesn't deserve anything good, she keeps comparing herself to everyone physically, she has no self esteem at all. the moments where she was examining the dress she liked and from the description it was a wool full length dress and she still found a way to think it was revealing? i never had much hope for her style but she really dresses like a nun and it also shows that she isn't comfortable with herself at all. also when she thought she was being selfish for buying clothes? im sorry to elain but reader doesn't need more space, she needs everyone to have a really serious conversation with her and tell her that she doesn't need to do anything to deserve a normal life and normal things, honestly i think it should be nesta or all the sisters because this is has bad as nesta was before acosf, she just hides instead of lashing out. and then she needs someone to start pushing her a bit, she'll have to be uncomfortable before she gets better but she can't keep going like this, she's basically punishing herself for breathing. eris would be good for the pushing her a bit part but i hope someone actually talks to her first.

the part when the ic finds out either about her powers or eris is going to be really messy but i hope it comes soon and honestly i kinda hope she says some of what she's feeling, even if it's in the middle of a breakdown because something needs to happen and she's not going to be able to do it without everyone's help. she has such a long way to go and she only seems like she's getting worse so i hope we get to see her starting to heal soon - 🧶

‘there's so much to say omg i hope i don't rant for too long’

I love whenever you send these in! It’s so fun to see you dissect the chapter and so heartwarming too 🥹🫂🫂

‘even if platonic because things aren't looking good for reader’

I hate to say it, but things are probably going to get worse before they get better 🫣 (maybe 👀)

I will admit, it would be nice to write them having a normal exchange for once? Maybe when reader’s come back from an outing and she’s too frazzled from so much interaction for her nerves to set in 🤭

‘ i get it worked for elain but it's clearly getting worse for reader’

I mean I suppose from their perspective reader and Elain are kind of similar in that they’re both pretty quiet and reserved so it would make sense that perhaps reader would have the same coping mechanisms as her? But yeah, now that it’s been two years and there’d kind of time to relax (👀) and things haven’t changed, Nesta at least is beginning to notice some stuff :/

‘but at least once or twice a week making sure someone takes her out of the house’

Also she does go out with Bas every now and then so they would have taken that into consideration, but at the same time I’ve head-cannoned it that they don’t know the nature of her and Bas’ relationship? Az at least thinks it’s still purely platonic (on reader’s side) so that might be fun for when the penny finally drops 🫣🤭

‘ and i was usually mad the entire time and sometimes half in a panic but it works.’

Gosh I know what you mean 🫠

In the moment it’s stressful and you don’t want to be there, but years later the memories are actually kind of fondly viewed? I think that will probably be the case with reader once she begins to get used to the company?

‘from the description it was a wool full length dress and she still found a way to think it was revealing?’

Yup! (Can you imagine how comfy that would be? 🫠) She certainly has some problems with seeing how she looks, and I like to think a lot of that comes from spending so long being forced to let go of her beauty when she was younger? Like she remembers how wonderful and full of colour her childhood was and has kind of glorified and exaggerated that in her mind? Memory has shifted it to be much more rich and beautiful than it probably was, so in the back of her mind she’s comparing how things used to be with her years in poverty, and stuck thinking instead of how lucky things have turned out and accepting them, thinking how she just doesn’t deserve them anymore :/

‘she needs everyone to have a really serious conversation with her’

There certainly will be a serious conversation at some point 👀🤭

‘eris would be good for the pushing her a bit part but i hope someone actually talks to her first.’

So this part I’m a little scared to write because once it’s out then everything else will have to happen 😭

The moment Elain talks with her and Eris starts to help (in his own skewered way, of course) then the story is going to have to move forward and I’m genuinely so scared to mess it up

‘the part when the ic finds out either about her powers or eris is going to be really messy’

Yeah… 😬😬😬

‘and honestly i kinda hope she says some of what she's feeling,’

It’s definitely going to be cathartic when she manages to do something for herself, let’s just hope the ic will be able to prioritise that over the mess with Eris 👀

Thank you so much for sending this in!! It’s always so wonderful to read through your thoughts and reply to them—it honestly makes me smile so wide to see these whenever you send them in 🧡💛🫂

[neon-rhapsodies]

Don't really feel like writing, but for once I got time. Been ages since I last wrote on the main blog. Have been posting on the secondary blog for a while. Been updating it regularly since about a month ago when I had a bit of a meltdown and ended up writing about things that were too personal. Things are better now but I deleted the posts. In fact, I have just gone through another review of the secondary blog and made sure that there's stuff on there that's still consistent with who I am now. That's what I'm like. Anyway. Let's do a quick update on some life matters.

First, work is okay. Doing great, actually. Got some excellent praise about my latest set of reports. Got my probation. Got a Classics trip abroad coming up and I'm as excited and anxious as it gets.

Health is crap. No exercise whatsoever. Most importantly, my throat has not been great. Still have to follow quite the regimen of medicine to manage it. Will see if I need proper medical attention.

Still lots of chores to do, but I'm getting better. Been working on my systems to manage myself, feeling a bit better about things. There are things I've been putting off that I need to get to soonish but it's okay.

Partner's fine. The people in my life are fine. Need to try and see them more. The Classics society is doing well, actually. Quite a few people turning up lately. Let's see if we can keep it going.

Trying my best to manage my gaming without letting it spiral. Lots of things in place. Great playground to practise time management and being in the present moment. Still tough, though. I have managed to do 'some' work on making music. Not a lot. Not enough. And then, writing…

Writing's a really tough one. I kind of don't want to write at the moment. I am only writing this one because I had some time and thought it couldn't be so bad. Also, wanted to tie some loose ends with what's been going on with the secondary blog before I rethink how I do things for the main one. Some things I'd like to keep, some… I don't know.

Like this writing style I've been developing to talk about all things personal… This is fine. It's different than formal writing, it's different than creative writing. It's similar to the journalling I've been doing lately, which is more concise and to the point. Definitely helps to get things out without getting too overwhelmed by the whole process. But the focus of the writing… I'm not sure. Like I said, I've been journalling. It has helped. I would like to move away from journalling too much on here.

Mind you, there's journalling and journalling. What I do on the other app, it's more like 'checking-in'. A few taps, a few sentences, and here we go -- done. Journalling on here, technically it's 'blogging'. More long-winded, but also more structured. Like, see these paragraph brakes? I don't even get to this length on the other app. It's very different.

I feel like there is a place for personal blogging on my blogs. But I also feel like this should be limited and more careful, as at the end of the day, I'm still writing online, and I don't want to get doxxed. I want to reveal only what I actually want people to know… what I'm 'happy' for people to know. As in, it's okay for you to know this, and also, these are happy things happening in my life, so I'm happy to share them. I know I've talked before about limitlessness. But I'd rather phase that out and be a bit more mindful again.

So yeah, writing. I don't know what I'd like to do about that. In a way, I'd rather not write unless I really want to write. But also, there are things that I think it would benefit me to get myself writing. Blogging is fine as long as it's mindful and actually helps me get things out without bogged down in too many technicalities -- hence my current writing style. Also, finally having some more original Classics stuff would be nice. Not just updates about, say, the Classics society, but also other things. Like, Working Classicists is still a thing. There's a chance for me to get involved in other Classics initiatives through work. And then, there's my own writing. Like the Classics Helpdesk, that thing I wanted to set up a while ago where people can ask me anything related to Classics. And again, my own, original writing. Perhaps something in this writing style. Perhaps something else.

What could my Classics writing look like? Essays? Maybe in a more 'lyric' way -- I remember that's something I had explored a while ago. Letters? I had done this before for other things, but it could work. Dialogues? That's something I've also talked about before, and I did one recently, a personal one, but it would be cool to try it again in a subject-based fashion.

Lastly, there's my other writing, for example, out-of-Classics writing. Because that's not the only thing I would like to talk about in 'serious' form. But also, creative writing. I did say before that I used to write stories, didn't I? And I have quite a few ideas in the drawer. But also, screenplays. Yes, that's something I've always wanted to do but never tried. I kind of thing I would be good at it. And finally, poetry. That's the one kind of writing I've been seemingly good at in the past few years. My more recent poetry, I used to have it on another platform, but it got made subscription-only, so I'm no longer on there. I could easily post my old poems here, and new ones too. I don't know whether to make another blog for it. I could write everything on here and then reblog it there. A bit like I used to do with the main blog -- write there, and reblog here. I'll need to think about it.

What's certain is that, from now on, I'll be writing things here first and then reblogging it elsewhere. Much easier to review, edit, and manage it at my own pace. Anyway, the loose ends have been tied. It's time to go to bed. I don't know when the next update will come. But I know I want to get to more doing and less pining. More creating, whether in music, or writing, or other projects. And I'd like to write, but more to blog about my milestones; more to share my insights about my subject; more to put my creating writing out into the world. We'll see how it goes. Goodnight.

[musea-reviews]

Utrechts Archief

(Utrecht Archive) ‘’Your tour of Utrecht starts here’’

Location: Utrecht, Utrecht, The Netherlands Price: 2,50 / Students Free Duration: 1 - 2 hours Transport: In the center so short walk from the train station Language: Dutch / English Activities: Date of visit: Expo at that time: ‘’In de Steigers’’ (In scaffolding) Website

I always recommend any tourist that doesn't come to the Netherlands for drugs and prostitutes to stay out of Amsterdam, it is expensive and dirty and all the good things that Amsterdam has, Utrecht has too. Utrecht is one of my favorite cities, it has a big shopping mall, the biggest train station, canals, old houses, lots of museums, and Nijntje (Miffy) was born there. This museum calls itself ‘’ the start of your Utrecht trip’’, and gives you all the historic basics.

Het archive What I expected with a name like that is to see an actual archive and not even really a museum. Maybe some historic artifacts on display, but not much more. I was surprised when I walked in and there was a whole animation on the wall that used physical elements and decor in the room. The rest of the museum too was very interactive, and I learned lots of interesting facts. From how the logo came from Sint Maarten who cut his cape in half to give to a cold homeless man, and that’s still a local holiday here. It is the only holiday in the Netherlands where you go trick or treading, but you first sing offensive songs about how the listener's mom is fat and ugly or something, and then they have to give you candy?? Anyway, I'm getting off-topic. 

Interactive but old It was interactive and had little games to play, it just felt like they were invented in 2005 and then never touched again. Not complaining, just observing. Then it had a bike and on the surrounding screens you could make it look like you were actually biking through the city, but now with also historic pictures showing up. Also, a carriage ride the same way, but you drive through Utrecht and the cities surrounding it in 1400 - 1600, I kinda forgot when. 

The most interesting facts I learned is that the first women that was allowed to study in Europe studied in Utrecht, but behind a curtain as to not distract her male classmates.

Also, I learned that the Dutch holiday carnaval like it is now (all about dressing up slutty and getting wasted) came from horny monks. Carnaval is a Cristian holiday in which you could go crazy the day before, having to fast for 40 days. This meant drinking, but some monks wanted more. As they had to remain celibate, but thought that one time a year didn't matter. So they dressed up in costumes to not get recognized on the streets to get one-night stands.  

Very small The museum was very small, only maybe 3 rooms, and i skipped the exhibition to be honest. Which is about the restoration of the Dom tower that has been happening for the past years now. 

I was also trying to figure out for whom this museum really was. Tourists? yeah, some of the information is also in English, but only about ⅓ of it. Was it for locals? Most of them already know this information. And would not pay much to see it. I hadn’t looked at the price yet then, I usually do that when I get home, most museums I've been to are priced between 10–20 euros, so I assumed the worst. However, this museum was only 2,50 with I think is a perfect price for this museum, and the fact that it's small, short or outdated don't really matter then. For that price and length it is indeed a fun thing to add to a city trip, after all you come to see the city, not to be in a museum all day.

Would I pay the price: yes, I think they got the price very right.

Would I revisit it: Maybe, I would not necessarily go for the museum, but if I happen to walk by with a friend.

Who do I recommend it to: Dutch tourists, kids from the city.

Interactive:         3 Educational:       3 Storytelling:        4 Price:                 5 Memorable:       1

Total score:        3,2