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torukmaktoskxawng · 10 months ago

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tsamsiyu ta'em - returning to your roots

Masterlist - part fifteen

Summary: Spider's decision leads to a brother and a sister's worst argument yet. Some things come to a head.

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 20k+ (I am so sorry 🙏)

Overall warnings: mentions of torture, trauma/ptsd, vomit, slight body horror, canon-compliant, mature language, slow burn, polyamory, found family, cool aunt agenda, rushed, time skips, fluff, angst, major character death, child endangerment, etc.

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69

A/N: Here it is... the ultimate Spider appreciation chapter. I couldn't afford to split this chapter into two parts like I did last time... so if you think some things aren't rendering on Tumblr, please please please click the link to the ao3 version. Enjoy!

Kayla would be the first to admit that she wasn't good at making her kelku feel like a home. Still a soldier at heart, she retained the mindset to keep her quarters clean, organized, and empty of any clutter. The only thing she owned was the weapons with the safety on, cleaned, and tucked away from sight, along with the little necessities she first packed for her trip to the reef, such as the hammocks that are always packed away every morning after a night of rest. As for Spider, all he had was the breathing mask on his face, the loincloth he wore, and the few packages of human rations Kayla and Jake had found for him in a drifting harpoon boat after their battle with the Sky People.

So, needless to say, the marui pod Kayla was so graciously given by the clan leaders of the Metkayina looked more like what the Sky People would call a bachelor pad back home. At least, that's what first came to mind when Kayla took one look at her new home and decided something needed to change. She had a new place of residence and she even had a teenager living under her roof, a teenager who barely had anything growing up that he could proudly call his. Kayla decided that she needed to make this place look and feel more like a safe space Spider could come to when he needed to get away from the world, which is how Spider found her hours later.

"What's that supposed to be?"

Kayla looked up to spot the teenager in the entryway, staring oddly behind his mask at the object she was trying to put on the far opposite wall of the pod. She looked between him and the large branch which she had spent dedicated time to cutting and molding into a flat surface, before her ears lowered in embarrassment, "Uh... a bookshelf?"

Setting the long wooden board down on the ground for Spider to get a better look, Kayla huffed in exertion and decided she would have to find an easier way to hang up the makeshift piece of furniture she had created.

Spider's expression only grew more confused as he looked at the warped plank of wood before stating the obvious, "You don't own any books."

"Yeah..." Defeat was already evident in her voice, already aware she had spent hours of wasted time on this project but had stubbornly hoped it would pull through. She stared longingly at the wood piece, ears still drooping with shame, "But I was hoping that putting other stuff on it would liven the place up. I guess it's not as homey looking without any books."

"Wait, what?" He cranes his neck up to look at her, puzzled as he crosses his arms over his chest, the knife cut barely even a scar now, "What are you trying to make it look like?"

"Nothing," she mumbled, now staring down at the makeshift shelf as if it had offended her. She was mentally kicking at it and herself for not succeeding in one stupid little piece of home decor. Realizing that Spider was still oddly watching whatever was happening to her face as she had these thoughts, she decided to straighten her back and head toward the exit, motioning the kid to follow her.

"You know what? You and I are always out of the house anyway. It doesn't need to be fancy. Let's go. I'm thinking of taking you kids out exploring."

Spider takes a moment to watch her leave before glancing back at the 'shelf.' Squinting his eyes, he shrugs and turns to follow her outside, "Cool, sounds like fun."

~~~~~~~~~

Kayla brought Spider to Jake first and asked about taking the kids out into the jungle, expressing how she wanted to show them the waterfall she had previously mentioned to her brother. Before he could reply, Jake was interrupted by Tsireya, who just so happened to be stopping by to see Lo'ak and Kiri. The reef girl expressed her excitement and claimed she knew the spot Kayla had mentioned and how she would love to go with. Of course, Kayla wasn't about to say no to sweet Tsireya, and that made Jake cave in and agree to let his children go with them.

He watched the group leave with a small smile before getting back to work on strengthening a newly woven sheath for his hunting knife. He wasn't left alone for long as Neytiri had come home from a morning hunting trip she flew around the island.

She had been silent at first, before looking around and asked, "Ma Jake. Where are the children?"

"They're exploring out in the jungle with Kayla," immediately, he felt the tension in the air, peering up to spot his mate looking fearful, her eyes glossed over in a way that made his gut hurt with guilt. He realized he should've waited until she got home to discuss whether or not she would be okay with letting their children venture out after everything they've been through, but he was hoping this would be a good step forward for all of them.

"They'll be fine, baby," he encouraged softly, "It's just like what we do on date night. It's not like I left them alone."

"I do not like the idea of them being so far away from the village."

"I promise it will be no different than when Kayla watches them at home. She's bringing them to a well-known spot to take a load off and have fun. Tsireya mentioned that she knew the place so it's not like anyone would get lost. They're in good hands."

Neytiri sucks in and lets out a shaking breath but eventually closed her eyes and nodded once in solemn agreement. Jake wanted to feel relief that she wasn't up in arms about this, but he couldn't find it within himself to feel that way. He knew exactly where she was coming from, where her thought process was. He couldn't blame her for being worried, the two of them both thinking the same thing as heavy, grieving silence filled the air. Jake immediately reached out to grasp Neytiri's hand and she clutched tightly onto him.

"Jake-- Devil Dog, do you copy? Jake?"

The sound of the long-range radio abruptly breaking the silence brings both Jake and Neytiri's ears and tails to perk up in alertness, and their eyes immediately harden to ones resembling warriors. Recognizing the voice patching through, Jake reaches for the radio and presses the device close to his lips,

"Dirty Falcon, I read you. What's going on, Norm?"

"Jake, we have a situation."

~~~~~~~~~

It ended up feeling like a school field trip as Kayla found herself with not only Spider and her nieces and nephew, but the other reef children they claimed as their friends. Once Tsireya had been invited, so were Ao'nung and Rotxo, making Kayla the single chaperone of six Na'vi children and one human.

At first, everyone could tell both the suspicious and curious nature the two reef boys felt upon being officially introduced to Spider, but at least they were civil, and they even looked surprised when Spider greeted them in perfect, proper Na'vi. It also helped that both Tsireya and Kiri were adamant about making Ao'nung and Rotxo converse with Spider, determined to make them all friends.

Rotxo didn't appear to mind Spider at all, being the more curious one and asking the human teenager obnoxious questions that got Spider to laugh. Ao'nung, however, was a different story. He kept his distance and ignored Spider entirely, only nodding once in greeting the human boy and sticking close to the other kids he knew better. Even though the chief's son wasn't hostile toward Spider, Kayla still kept a close eye on him anyway. Tsireya and Kiri were good mediators of the group and took the lead as they traveled further and further into the jungle. Tuk was a breath of fresh air for everyone, constantly laughing and running circles around the group with excitement as they ventured further toward the center of the island, ready for a new change in scenery.

It was Lo'ak who appeared to be the most estranged out of all of them. He had been quiet the whole way to the waterfall and only spoke when spoken to, faintly smiling whenever it was Tsireya who addressed him. However, Lo'ak was acting more closed off than usual and strayed away from the group as they walked. Kayla made sure to keep an eye on her nephew as well, knowing that his situation at home wasn't the most ideal. Lo'ak was purposely spending time out of his family's marui as of late, either seeking Spider out and hiding away in Kayla's hut with his childhood friend, or he tried blending in with the reef children and was constantly hunting or helping out with chores around the village. He was practically doing anything to keep him away from his family and especially his father, only returning to the Sully marui to sleep and eat.

Kayla noticed how Jake didn't address this as a problem, which is why she was keeping an eye on her nephew. Even though Jake claims to finally See Lo'ak, he is still treating his son much like before. If Kayla was anyone else, she'd leave it the hell alone, but she wasn't. And if she needed to be harsher to her brother about it, then by Eywa, she was gonna do it. She'd do anything for these kids, and that even surprised her to admit that.

It was easy for her to reach out to the children. Her nieces and nephews gave their hugs and trust to her willingly, without trepidation, almost immediately upon meeting her for the first time. Maybe because of that, it was easier for Kayla to accept their hugs and trust when she confidently knew they thrive on receiving touch as well as giving it. Even children who weren't as familiar with her, like the reef children, gravitated toward Kayla, either because she was unique-looking as an avatar, or she was just more laid-back and unserious compared to most adults they knew. For Spider, it was a healthy mixture of both.

For adult humans and Na'vi, it's different. Mature and aware of how the world works, Kayla would rather try to shield the children from the horror of life for just a little while longer if no other adult was going to do it.

The waterfall was tall and led down into a quiet, beautiful lagoon. Animals scattered from their water hole when the Na'vi children appeared, and Tuk laughed as they ran away. Immediately, the reef children encouraged the others about what to do by shoving one another to get to the water first, jumping high, and splashing into the lagoon. Spider and the Sully kids laughed and soon followed, even climbing up to the very top of the waterfall to jump down from once Kayla was confident that the water was deep enough to do so.

Kayla watched the kids play in the water while also exploring the waterfall herself, venturing into and standing in the small alcove hidden behind it. Curious, she whoops and lets her voice echo off the walls of the small cave, and the sound rang in her ears. She smiled as an idea struck her, heading back out of the alcove and rejoining the children. None of them appeared to notice anything until she approached them, first going to Little Tuk and pointing out the waterfall.

"Go behind there and scream and laugh as loud as you can. Come back and see if your sister heard you or not."

Tuk giggled excitedly at what she assumed was a game her aunt had in mind and ran toward the waterfall. The teenagers look between Kayla and Tuk curiously but don't mention anything as they watch the youngest child of their group disappear behind the waterfall. It took a few minutes, but Tuk reemerged, out of breath and grinning as she skipped over to her sister, "Kiri! Kiri! Did you hear me?"

"No, I didn't," Kiri smiled encouragingly at her sister before taking a glance at her aunt.

Kayla smiles, tilting her head toward the waterfall, "You next, Kiri."

"Yes! You next!" Tuk drags Kiri out of the water by the hand, "I'll come with you! Let's try to scream as loud as we can, and if anyone out here can hear us, then we win!"

The Sully girls go behind the waterfall while the rest of the teenagers stare questionably at Kayla. She only shrugs, flashing a smile of understanding at each of them, "You kids have been through a lot lately... I thought maybe you'd like a place to scream out your frustrations without anyone hearing you. Only if you want, but I think you need to let some things out."

When Kiri and Tuk return, the other teenagers glance at each other with knowing expressions. Spider whispered Kayla's intentions to Kiri when she still looked confused, and in response, a grateful look took over Kiri's face as she nodded at her aunt.

Tuk was none the wiser as she ran up to Kayla, "I wanna do it again!"

"Go ahead, sweetheart."

"Will you come with me, Auntie?"

"Of course."

After that, one by one, each of the teenagers decided to slip away while the others were playing in the lagoon to have a few minutes alone behind the waterfall. When each of them returned, they appeared relaxed, lighter than before, and acting their age. Kayla internally pats herself on the back, calling it a success, especially when Ao'nung had loosened up and shared a short conversation with Spider.

If anyone noticed Lo'ak's eyes were puffy and red when he returned from behind the waterfall, they didn't mention it. They only smiled because he was smiling again.

They must have been there for hours, but eventually, Kayla called it a day and everyone was much too tired to argue. On the way back as they trekked through the jungle, Spider kept close to Kayla's side, instinctively keeping a watchful eye out as they walked through the trees, in case something decided to try and grab at the weakest link in the group which at the moment was Kayla with a sleeping Tuk on her back, making her slower than the teenagers. Something caught his eye while they walked, and it was Kayla's songcord swinging in the wind from side to side each time her leg moved forward. He noticed the cord was longer than he had last seen it, the end now sporting a wooden bead and a shell soon after.

"That's new," he simply states.

Her ear flicks in his direction, and he watches as she looks down to see what he is referring to. Sunlight was right above her, casting a shadow over her face, but even Spider could catch a sudden shift in her expression. If he had blinked, he would have missed the shift. It was there one moment and gone the next, but he noticed a smile on her face, full of fondness, before she shook herself out of it relaxed her expression, and replied, "Yes."

The shift was all he needed to know, "Who gave it to you?"

She squinted her eyes curiously as she looked down at him, "What made you think it was given to me?"

"Answering a question with a question. Isn't that what you soldiers call 'deflecting?'" He smirked.

He didn't expect her to laugh, but he felt secretly pleased with himself when she did, "Touché, kiddo."

~~~~~~~~~

As they reach the village, the reef kids realize what time it is and decide to depart, needing to return home to their families. Kayla and the Sully children thanked them for their company and the fun day before waving them off and returning to their own marui.

Only, it wasn't much of a warm welcome. Upon entering the home, Kayla immediately noticed Neytiri's absence... and the murder set in Jake's eyes.

He huddled near the radio, waiting for the rest of his family to return home as he tried to figure out how he was going to break the news to them. In the meantime, Jake had sent Neytiri away to let out her rage and grief. He knew it wouldn't have been a good idea if she had stayed for this conversation. When Kayla and the children entered the kelku, Jake's murderous gaze immediately greeted Kayla. She froze when she was the first target of that glare, and once the teenagers saw Jake, they froze in the doorway as well, immediately scared with their backs straight.

Kayla kept still as she watched Jake's eyes. She only relaxed a little as she came to the conclusion that Jake's anger wasn't directed at anyone in particular, but he looked vengeful and was aging beyond his years. He looked like a broken man, a father who lost it all. He looked so grim with his eyes nearly staring up at Kayla through his forehead. She knew that whatever happened... it wasn't good.

She sets down Tuk and quietly asks Kiri to take her. She walks up to Jake and keeps her voice down in case he wants this kept between them, "What's wrong?"

His eyes flicked to the kids standing around behind his sister, all of them looking confused and worried other than the bleary-eyed Tuk. He glances back at Kayla and deeply sighs through his nose before deciding to keep his voice at a normal, steady tone. He thought the kids deserved to know, too,

"Norm just called. They intercepted some RDA radio chatter. Quaritch is alive."

No one dared bat an eye as the news sank in, frozen in place and staring at Jake as if he had murdered a puppy right in front of their eyes. The air turned rigid and eery all around Kayla, the air sucked out from her lungs as though a bucket of ice water ran down her back. She swallowed thickly, trying to react as neutrally as possible... hoping that out of all the times Jake could possibly read her like an open book, this wasn't one of those times.

Kiri's voice was the first thing that rang out, "Spider?"

Kayla's spell is broken and she immediately unfreezes, whipping around in search of the human boy in question. She finds him instantly as he reacts fast to Kiri's question, pulling away from the group and backing up toward the door. Spider looked frightened and ashamed, his breath irregular as he took one hand and grabbed the opposite elbow, eyes wildly flicking between everyone in the room, Kiri, Lo'ak, and Jake most of all. He looked cornered, despite the doorway now being directly behind as he would not stop backing away. He looked absolutely horrified, and the guilt only ate him alive when his two best friends stared at him with worry and confusion, unaware of the damage he had done.

"I-- I'm sorry."

Jake's eyebrows furrow and his tail twitched, "What--"

"It's not your fault. Spider," Kayla consciously places herself between Jake and Spider, finally finding her voice in the growing tension of the room. Spider turned his body and gazed to the doorway, ready to bolt as Kayla found herself raising her voice, "Look at me--"

The order makes his back stiffen and Kayla internally lashes at herself for ordering him around so formally like a soldier when that wasn't her intention. Slowly, however, Spider finally peered back up at her, and she tried to soften her gaze and voice, "Don't."

Jake finally rose to his feet, his presence right behind his sister and making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up, "Kayla, what are you-?"

"It's my fault."

All eyes return to Spider, and he forces himself to stay still, the smallest one in the room. He keeps his eyes on Jake, trying to relay what he is trying to explain with just one look. Jake analyzed him, eyes slowly squinting in confusion until Spider could see something click behind those dull, yellow eyes. He saw the denial set in first, then the bargaining, then the anger... and then it stayed that way. Jake's eyes begin to harden, and Kayla is suddenly very aware of the raging volcano slowly starting to brew behind her but she refuses to look back. Goosebumps ran down her back and every instinct told her to run, but she kept her feet planted and her eyes on Spider, trying to talk him down from his ledge with just one look.

Lo'ak is the first to ask. He wasn't known for being observant, but as Tsireya had claimed, he was a quick learner. Lo'ak looked between his father and his friend and realized that something had happened. Something unforgivable. Despite possibly already knowing what it was, Lo'ak had to ask... in case he was wrong, "Spider... what did you do?"

Kayla felt a large hand completely envelope around the circumference of her arm and she winced when that hand gripped on tightly and spun her around. She bites back the yelp that nearly escaped her lips as she's being stared down by the enraged Toruk Makto.

"You knew?" Jake accused in a low, deep voice.

She couldn't help it. Her eyes widen in fear, for once, of her brother. As much as she wanted to lie to prevent him from glaring at her like that... she couldn't afford for that rage to turn onto Spider. She rolls her lips, her voice raspy and betraying her bravery, "I... Yes, I knew."

Something snaps in place inside Jake's eyes, a harsh growl eliciting from the back of his throat, "Come here."

His grip only tightened further around Kayla's arm as he dragged her out of the marui, away from the children who now shook in fear of their father and for their aunt. Kayla wished she hadn't just been paraded around in front of them like that... secretly afraid as though she had angered her own father.

He pulls her out and harshly shoves her in front of him to confront her. Kayla immediately tries to bargain and plead her case before he could get any bright ideas, "But-- you don't understand--"

"Yeah? Enlighten me then," he snarled.

"You can't just ask a kid to leave his own father to die-!"

"You're not his mother, Kayla!" Jake finally roared, the volcano bubbling over.

"I don't care!" Kayla roared back as her fear gave way to anger. Suddenly the volcano was met with an unforgivable tsunami, "He's just a kid! All of them are just kids! You can't expect them to fall in line and be your perfect little soldiers for a war that YOU started!"

Jake seethed and pushed back, "He's old enough to know that he's responsible for his actions."

"Maybe, but even grown-ass adults refuse to admit their faults, present company included," the intended lashing hit dead-on, earning Kayla a wince from her brother. She didn't want to claim that victory over him, however, as the tightening viper in her chest began to unravel, "You say I'm not Spider's mom, and you're right. But you're not his father. Hell, you barely even father your own kids, so why should you father a kid who's not even related to you?"

"Don't you start--"

"You're a good dad to your daughters. Fine. I'll give you that. But you're too hard on Lo'ak, now more than ever. He just lost his brother for fuck's sake, Jake. You of all people know what that feels like!" She screeched.

"Lo'ak is the older brother now. He needs to learn to be responsible for his sisters."

"Oh, like how you were such a great, responsible brother after Tommy died?"

Even Jake's anger gave way to a slight feeling of discomfort and maybe even fear as Kayla suddenly began to laugh in such an unhinged manner, the maniacal grin she gave him sent chills down his spine, "Really? We're adding lying to the list now? Did you treat Lo'ak like a failure because he's reckless or because he's just like you? 'Cause, that's what I see. He's just like you, Jake, and that terrifies you because you know he'll screw up again and again. Just like you."

She took a step forward and Jake took a step back. He wished he hadn't, as his fear only made Kayla smile more, "So tell him that. Tell him the truth. Tell him how Tommy was the golden son, not you. You were never the golden son, not even when you became a marine and lost your legs for your dedicated service. Tell him how you were always the disappointment. Tell him how low you got in life when your brother was murdered and how you abandoned your sister when things got too hard."

Jake tried to regain the upper hand, needing to get this conversation back on track, "This isn't about me or Lo'ak. This is about Spider--"

"I wasn't finished," his jaw clamps shut when his sister's eyes bore into his, the viper in her chest now baring its venomous fangs, "You left me to die on that god-awful planet. From my experience, I know that Lo'ak and Spider would never even think of doing that to someone, let alone their own sisters. I believe Spider saved his father for the sake of being kind, compassionate, and merciful—three traits I doubt he inherited from the sperm donor. Spider is no savage. His doesn't kill as needlessly as you once did."

"He spared a monster's life--"

"Can you blame him? After what Neytiri had recently put that kid through?" Jake's ears lowered at the mention of his wife, and while Kayla wanted to be proud of her brother for always wanting to defend the woman he loved, she couldn't abide by that. She continued before Jake could even try, "Quaritch tried to save Spider from your wife. Can you honestly blame a child for saving the life of someone who was actually looking out for them for once in their young life? Yes, Spider may be young but he's also good. He wouldn't just let someone die, no matter how terrible and not if he could help it. That wouldn't make him any better than Quaritch."

"Kayla, I don't think you're hearing what I'm trying to say. Spider saved the man who promised he'd come after me and kill my whole family if I didn't kill him!"

Kayla's physical fangs made an appearance as she placed the blame entirely on a third party, "Then maybe you should've done a better job at killing him! I was there, Jake! I heard him loud and clear."

She finally closed the distance, prodding an angry finger into the center of Jake's chest as she seethes out, "You don't get to tell me how to parent. You don't even know how to parent, so you don't get to tell me when and where I can protect Spider. You can't even protect him from your own wife, so why should I trust that you have his best interest at heart?"

Moving around him, she definitely shoulder checks him on the way back into the marui, unaware of the wince that briefly succumbed his face, but he didn't react apart from that. He didn't even turn around. He only listened to the sound of her stomping feet, growing further and further away from him.

Kayla was on a mission as she sped back to the marui, only stopping her charge when Spider cut off her path, the human teen storming away as both Kiri and Lo'ak were seen exiting the kelku to chase after him, "Spider, wait!"

Kayla panics a little inside when Spider doesn't even react to his friends calling out for him. She reached out and gently grabbed his shoulder before he escaped too far, "Heyheyhey-- Spider? What's wrong--"

"Just leave me alone!" He screams and Kayla's instant reaction is to let go of his shoulder as if she had injured him. She took a step back like she had been shocked, frozen as she caught a glimpse of his face through his breathing mask, seeing the obvious red cheeks and angry tears uncontrollably slipping down his young face.

Kayla tried her best to relax, regain her patience, and hide her anger toward her brother so Spider wouldn't misunderstand. Breathing deeply, in and out, she tried to speak in her best, soothing voice, "... Okay."

At first, Spider looked shocked before it immediately melts into anger and frustration, his teeth seething out his aggravation as he glared at her, "Shit-- Why do you have to be so understanding?!"

"I just-- I want to help you, kiddo--"

"Just leave me alone! Please!"

He had raced off without ever giving himself the satisfaction of seeing Kayla's expression crumble into defeat. Kiri approached her aunt at this moment, briefly grabbing her hand as she moved to follow her oldest friend, "I got this, Auntie. Spider, wait!"

Kiri continues to chase after the human teen, while Kayla helplessly watches them both eventually disappear into the center of the village, beyond her sight.

Spider wasn't expecting Kiri to continue following him. He thought he'd lose her in the village, but by the time he reached the edge of the jungle and moved further in, he knew his attempt to escape detection was futile. Eventually, he caves in and waits for his friend to catch up, all the while he tries to calm down, his conflicted emotions fueling his panicked, harsh breathing.

"Please, Kiri, just go--"

"Sucks for you, Monkey Boy, 'cause I'm not going anywhere," Kiri immediately starts off when she finally caught up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "We just got you back--"

Spider huffs in disinterest, "After how long? Weeks? Months? Why couldn't-- Why didn't--"

Kiri could see Spider struggle with his next words. She could tell how angry, betrayed, and confused he was trying to express, and eventually, she figured out what he was trying to say and managed to voice his questions for him, "Why did we run instead of going to look for you?"

He didn't say anything, just trying to catch his breath. His silence was answering enough for the Na'vi girl as she continued, "I wanted to. Badly. But Dad believed you would be safer as long as you were away from us. And if we left, you would be even safer."

"That's bullshit." He glowered, still seething behind his mask.

Kiri's ears lower, a sentiment she felt in regard to Spider's statement. She had once thought the same when her father relayed that same excuse to her when he first told her that it was impossible to save Spider and that they were leaving the Omatikaya.

She nods in agreement, "... Only a little. Dad thought that if we took off, then you couldn't tell the Sky People where we were."

The betrayal wins over control of Spider's expression, staring up at her with such pain and disbelief, "I would never--"

"I know. I know," she was quick to reassure while taking another step closer. She managed to pull him further toward her until her arms were fully wrapped around him, her chin resting on the top of his head. She lowered her voice to something soft and soothing, "I wish we tried harder, Spider. I really do, and I'm so sorry."

She moves her hand up to gently grasp the back of his head, "But Kayla didn't give up. No, she stayed in the forest and kept looking for you, even after we had left for the ocean. She was so determined to find you, especially after she earned her ikran. Dad said that she even wanted to go after you, alone, when they heard you were sited at reef villages in the south."

Silence followed and if he currently wasn't standing stone-stiff in her arms, Kiri would've thought he had fallen asleep. The sounds of the flora and fauna around them were calming all of Kiri's senses, and she tried to bleed that feeling into Spider, gently tightening her grip around him.

Finally, Spider caves in, his shoulders slouching in defeat until he finally allows himself to lean into his best friend's embrace. His thoughts sounded far away as he spoke, "I... I wish she found me sooner."

The words haunt Kiri, her mind trying to wrap around everything that those words could possibly mean. She squeezes him a little tighter as she mumbles into his hair, "Spider... what did they do to you?"

Silence filled the air once more until he managed to settle on one word, "Nothing."

Kiri pulled away and Spider winced thinking he had upset her. But she doesn't move very far, only so that she can meet his eyes, her hands resting on both of his shoulders, "War orphans stick together, remember? You're my brother, Spider. You may not be able to see it, but I wholeheartedly believe that. You can tell me no living being will ever know."

He wanted to tell her everything. So badly it almost felt like it could burst out of his chest at any moment. He wanted to share certain parts he initially left out when he tried catching her and Lo'ak up on everything he had seen while captured. He wanted to explain why he has nightmares, and why he's afraid of waking up in a cold, sterile room. He wanted to tell Kiri that he saved Quaritch for more than just pity or kindness. How the man, no matter how terrible, saved Spider's life more than once, or at least saved the boy from unimaginable pain and torture.

The thought of those white lab coats immediately sends Spider's mind into a spiral. That awful, bright, and blinding machine, spinning rapidly around his head, his eyes forced open to watch as he began to feel the blood drip down his nose... his memories forcefully being ripped away from him...

The only thing that stops his nightmares from continuing is the thought of Quaritch, the man who stopped that machine from eating away at the boy's mind.

Spider wanted to tell Kiri everything... but the fear of her not being able to understand was much stronger, "I... I can't... I'm sorry."

She squeezed his shoulders reassuringly, "Don't be."

"No, Kiri--" He corrected himself, letting out a shaking breath, "I'm sorry for letting Quaritch go. Neteyam-- Quaritch-- He held a knife to your throat."

"And my mother held a knife to yours. We're even."

It was meant to be a joke, but it quickly fell flat on her tongue once his posture changed right before the last of the sentence even left her lips. He bristled like a scared cat, eyes hard with a flat tone of voice that made Kiri instantly regret her words, "That's not funny."

"You're right. I'm sorry..."

He pulled away despite the hurt expression on her face. He pointedly avoids looking her in the eyes, "I think I need some space... please..."

"Okay. Just... whatever you decide to do, at least tell us first... Please?"

"Yeah... okay..."

~~~~~~~~~

Surprisingly, Spider finds himself alone for the first time in who knows how long, sitting comfortably up on a large branch while watching day turn into night over the entire island. He's met with the familiar silence he often found himself in back at home in the Hallelujah Mountains, but lately, he hadn't been familiar with the concept. It was likely that the last time he was by himself was when he found Quaritch at the bottom of the ocean and lifted him up to the surface. Ever since then, he was always in the company of someone else, either Kayla or the Sullys.

He wasn't sure if he liked it or not, if he was being honest with himself. He wasn't sure if it was because of his time spent with the Recoms, but it almost felt as though everyone in this village was keeping a close eye on him, even the Sullys, people he knew he used to trust with every fiber of his being... but now that trust has been questioned.

He wasn't blind. He noticed how on edge Kayla always appeared when he and Neytiri were in the same room.

He didn't want to believe he was a hostage, especially not with his childhood friends and companions... but it honestly didn't feel that different compared to when he was with the Deja Blue Squad. Spider didn't want to make a comparison, but much like the Sullys, Quaritch never let him out of his sight.

So, he took this breath of freedom to his full advantage, climbing from tree to tree, swinging from branch to branch until his arms and legs ached. He felt alive again, even laughing to himself. When he finally sat down to watch darkness slowly encompass the island and the bioluminescence come to life, he was able to finally breathe his own air, even if it was only through his mask. A moment of freedom, to be himself without walking on eggshells around everyone he was with. Then again, he knows it's not real freedom knowing that no matter where he went, he was stuck on this island with the Sullys, and maybe they knew that, too, which is why they're letting him believe he's alone, even if only for the night.

The paranoia was going to eat him alive, he was sure of it. The fact that he could no longer blindly trust the family he's always desperately wanted to be a part of was killing him. And now that they knew he spared Quaritch's life... he felt as though he could never let his guard down around them ever again.

Apart from Kayla. Spider felt safe enough around her to believe she'd understand, and she did. She didn't fault him for his choice when he initially told her. Kayla was the only one who didn't truly understand the full extent of Spider's parentage, even though she had been told, but since she wasn't ever hurt by Quaritch the way everyone else who lived on Pandora before her was, she didn't have that pain that kept her from fully accepting Spider.

Not that it was any excuse to neglect a child for the sins of their father. Spider knew that. He knew it was wrong, the way he had been treated, but up until recently, he couldn't fault anyone for it... or maybe he just never let himself believe he could on the off chance everyone would fully accept him one day.

Hearing Kiri talk about how Kayla never gave up on him, how she searched for him relentlessly even when she had no reason to, made Spider feel both relieved and guilty. Relieved that there was at least someone out there who pitied him enough to know that he didn't deserve this and needed to be rescued, but guilty that she had to be the one to do so. She wasn't family to him. She had no ties to Spider and no reason to care for his safety and well-being, but she did, nevertheless. He wasn't sure how to feel about an adult who didn't have any familial relations to him all of a sudden give a damn about him, mainly because he didn't want it to be out of pity.

Kayla clearly wasn't his mother. Spider had a picture of his mother taped to the ceiling above his bunk when he was living with his foster family for years. He knew his mother's face and he knew her name. Kayla wasn't Paz Socorro, back from the dead.

... But he would be lying to himself if he didn't think about it. He had wondered a time or two if Paz were alive, would she be like Kayla? Worse? Better? He didn't know when he started comparing his mother to Kayla, but once he realized that he was, he was ashamed of himself and forced himself to stop. Spider didn't have a mother anymore. He wished he did, and that's why he knew he was allowing Kayla to look out for him a little too much.

In the eyes of the Na'vi, he could be considered an adult... but he wasn't Na'vi, as much as it pained him to admit it. He was human, and from what he's learned, kids his age barely had to worry about anything past schoolwork and who was going to take them to prom... whatever that was. He heard Kayla mention a prom once but wasn't fully listening. Whatever it was, it made Norm and Jake laugh, reminiscing their old human lives back on Earth for a little bit.

Kayla was a firm reminder that Spider was a human child and should be able to act as such. She's been trying to drill that into all their heads, adults and children alike. She wasn't exactly hiding it as she continued to berate how Jake parents his children and how he makes them grow up too quickly. Spider admired her for that... but almost despised it whenever she came to his defense because he knew he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve to be treated or coddled like a kid... not after what he did.

He didn't deserve to be loved and cared for.

He sucked in a sharp breath, horrified by his own thoughts. Suddenly he was too scared to be left alone, and so he raced through the jungle and back to the direction of the village.

It was late, so he thought if he snuck into Kayla's kelku, she would be asleep and he wouldn't have to try and explain himself. The thought of her catching him after he snuck out was both terrifying and... strangely domestic. He actually felt himself smile at the idea of Kayla berating and lecturing him for sneaking out and not coming back until the late hours of the night.

But that didn't happen. Instead, when Spider walked into the marui he'd been calling home for a little while now, Kayla was nowhere to be seen. He wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. To ignore his conflicted emotions, he took the time to fish out his rations when his stomach rumbled in protest. He takes a deep breath as he switches his breathing mask out for the cannula nose tubes that are always stashed inside the exo-pack for emergencies, slowly breathing back out and in through his nose once he feels the familiar tickling feeling of oxygen run through his nostrils.

He eats his dinner in silence, looking around the marui to find that Kayla's failed project of a "bookshelf" is still lying there, looking pathetic. His chewing slowed as he remembered how embarrassed and frustrated she looked when she wasn't able to make this pod feel "homey." He had been confused by her attempt to make this place feel more comfortable and home-like, and now, after everything Kiri told him, Spider wondered if Kayla was trying to do all this for him? For his sake?

It was suddenly hard to swallow his food and Spider relinquished the idea of eating, setting his rations aside and brushing his hands together. Something settles in his mind, determined and unrelenting. He forced himself not to overthink as he marched over to the sad excuse for a plank of wood and lifted it up, inspecting it. No, he wasn't known for putting together furniture that didn't come with instructions, but he wasn't thinking about it anyway. He was pretty sure the shelf was a lost cause and he could show Kayla how to properly decorate a Na'vi home tomorrow. But for now, he fetched his knife and began to carve out a small shape into the wood.

He had been crouched over his small project when Kayla had finally returned home, exhausted and after nearly spending all night worrying herself sick over the kid she placed in her care. She stopped in the entryway, however, when she recognized the small human painted in blue stripes, casually working on something in his hands whilst he rested on the heels of his feet, as if he had never left. Spider looked up at her entrance, and when Kayla peered down, she noticed his knife in one hand and a small, rounded bead in the other.

Sighing in relief, she stepped forward and knelt beside the teen, reaching out to gently hold the back of his head but stopped once she reminded herself not to do so. She pulled her hand back and Spider watched her carefully, trying not to appear cautious or worse, appear as though he wanted Kayla to reach out and comfort him.

"Spider..." She eyes him down with a careful inspection until she's satisfied that he's not physically hurt, "Are you okay?"

He nodded because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to lie properly if he spoke up.

Kayla relents after that, leaning back and breathing out another sigh. He goes back to work on his bead once he realizes she won't be asking any further questions. She watched him work instead, now curious once he successfully finished the bead and was now moving on to adding it to a familiar piece he kept on his loincloth.

"Is that your songcord?" She asked.

Spider nodded again, "Yeah."

"It's beautiful. What's the significance behind the new one?" She indicated to the new bead.

Spider paused, trying to figure out how to answer without actually giving it away. He briefly found himself glancing back over at the bookshelf he left in the corner of the room, the one Kayla had tried to make with her bare hands, the one she was trying to use to make Spider feel more at home, the one that now had a chuck missing because Spider wanted to commemorate it onto his songcord. Finally, he answered what he knew would be vague, but it was still the truth,

"Safety."

He bowed his head in shame, following up with a soft mutter under his voice, "I'm sorry."

With his songcord forgotten, she somehow knew he was talking about the events that transpired today and she immediately reassured him, "You have nothing to be sorry for, Spider."

"Yes, I do. I was such a jerk. Like you said-- you're only trying to help me. But I keep getting you in trouble with Jake--"

"Nope," she immediately shut that thought process down, anger blooming inside her, but not because of the teenager in front of her. She made sure her reassurance was heard loud and clear, firm and confident, "You're not. What Jake and I have going on has absolutely nothing to do with you, kid."

He carefully peered up at her, "... Family differences?"

She snorts dryly, "That's putting it lightly."

"Still. It's a little annoying that you won't accept an apology from me. You're a bit too understanding."

Kayla smirked, "Tough."

"I'm almost convinced I could get away with murder in front of you."

"I mean-- If it's necessary..." he's startled into laughing and Kayla smiles at the sight. She finally gains the courage to reach over and pat his knee, "I'm only human. To be human is to be flawed."

His laughter dies down, but the humor remains. He flashes a fox-like grin, his voice teasing, "Sucks for you humans, doesn't it?"

Kayla laughed through her nose as she feigned a stern, motherlike voice, "Okay, smartass, go to your room."

"This is my room!"

~~~~~~~~~

Kayla wasn't sure if Neytiri had been told that Spider saved Quaritch, but just in case, Kayla made sure that Spider was nowhere near the Na'vi woman and none the wiser so he could enjoy a good fishing lesson with the Sully kids and Tsireya.

Well, the Sully kids minus Lo'ak. Jake decided it would be a good idea for his son to join the adults in this discussion, much to Kayla's distaste. She wasn't sure if Jake was just being petty and rubbing it in her face, or if he genuinely believed that Lo'ak was grown up now and needed to be a part of this instead of being outside and hanging around other Na'vi his age.

Nevertheless, as Kayla stands near Lo'ak in their family marui, Neytiri tries discussing what measures they'll need to take to send Spider home and Jake silently listens. Kayla made the smart choice to keep Spider away from the kelku today as Neytiri was nearly ready to go out on a tirade... hence why Kayla stood close to the door. Neytiri wanted to scream and curse when she initially discovered who was responsible for Quaritch's life, and then she proceeded to ramble about sending Spider back to the Forest, whether to leave him with the Omatikaya or have the Sky People deal with him. Whichever option they choose, Neytiri follows up with the comment that Spider couldn't stay here anyway because he will run out of much-needed resources soon.

While Kayla knows that Neytiri is just trying to get rid of him, the Na'vi woman makes an excellent point. Spider needs human food, medicine, and of course other supplies such as spare masks, none of which are provided here and are limited to what she had stashed away in her own marui.

"What if they capture Spider again?" Jake tried to reason with his wife, though it wasn't for the same reason as Kayla, which angered his sister, "Now that he's been to this village, he'll know where to lead the Sky People for the next assault because they're not going to stop just because we took out the Recoms."

Kayla snarled, her arms tightening around her chest as she glared at Jake, "Spider didn't give away the Omatikaya and he's not going to give away the Metkayina."

"Of course, he would!" Neytiri hissed back, pointing an accusatory finger at Kayla before Jake could retaliate, "He's the reason my son was--"

"No, Mom. It was me," all eyes turned to Lo'ak and the poor boy looked as though he was holding back tears. His voice shook as he forced himself to continue, "I convinced Neteyam to stay and help me save Spider. If... If Neteyam didn't come with me, it would've been me instead. I had the gun. It should've been me."

Kayla carefully turned back to catch Jake and Neytiri's reaction, and she was not disappointed. Both of Lo'ak's parents appeared horrified, staring down at their son as if he said the most horrific thing imaginable.

Lo'ak lowered his gaze, not wanting to read into what their expressions meant, whether his parents were horrified that he got his brother killed or if they were horrified that he would blame himself and wish the roles were reversed. Either way, he couldn't stand being in that room for a second longer, sheepishly tilting his head toward the exit as he peered up at Kayla, "Auntie... can I talk with you outside for a minute?"

She nods and doesn't spare a second glance at Jake and Neytiri as she follows her nephew out of the marui. She thought they were just going to step right outside the home, but didn't question it when Lo'ak decided to lead her further away.

Once they were walking along the beach, Kayla decided to be the first to address why he brought her here, "What's up, kiddo?"

"I... wanted to thank you for what you said to my dad yesterday. You stood up for me."

Kayla stopped in her tracks, dread prickling down her body, "You heard that?"

Lo'ak weakly chuckles, "You weren't exactly quiet. I didn't mean to snoop, I swear."

She paused to think about this before realization hit her, remembering how Spider stormed out the second she returned from her argument with Jake, "Was Spider listening, too?"

The Na'vi teen's ears lowered as shame crossed his features, nodding with hesitancy, "Spider... he was pissed at me."

"Why?"

"Because I wasn't angry at him."

Even that statement shocked her, tilting her head down to him, "You're not?"

"No, I..." Lo'ak exhaled slowly, guilt wracking through his mind while forcing himself to speak, "I want to hate him... I want to be angry at him for letting that monster live."

"But you're not."

"No. I'm not."

"Why?"

"I don't know," when she appeared unimpressed by that answer, he simply shook his head, "I'm serious. I don't."

She watches her nephew for a moment, his mannerisms as he looks down at his feet to hide away from the world. Slowly, she opened her mouth, "I might know. Because you already lost one brother and you can't afford to lose another."

Lo'ak's head shoots up in her direction, yellow eyes wide with eyebrows scrunching together. Kayla watched as his face began to crumble and shatter before she took a step forward and gathered the boy in her arms, shushing him softly as Lo'ak's body was wracked with soft, silent sobs.

He held on tightly to her, his voice so quiet and small, "I want to wake up, Auntie. This all feels like a bad dream; something I can't wake from. It hurts all the time and it won't stop. It should've been me... I wanted it to be me..."

"Lo'ak-- hey... hey. No," she softly comforts, her heart breaking at the state of her nephew, scared of what he was saying about himself but trying to be supportive, "Don't say that. You don't mean it."

"But I do! I convinced him to come with me to save Spider! He would still be here if it weren't for me!"

"Do you regret it?"

His cries stutter for a moment, shocked by the question as he tilts his head up, "What?"

"Do you regret saving Spider?"

"N-No."

She pushes back the stray braids he kept on one side of his head, "Even though he saved the man who was behind your brother's death?"

"I don't get it. Why are you trying to make me angry?"

"I'm not, I swear," she shook her head as her eyes started to warm and blur, the sight of her nephew so broken and grieving was a harsh reminder of the other nephew she lost, "I'm just saying... if you don't regret it, then I'd say it was worth it, and I'm sure Neteyam would, too. The fact that you would rather trade places with Neteyam than regret saving Spider tells me you don't blame Spider for what happened."

Her words both shattered and mended his heart, his cries slowing down with silent tears still running down his face. He squeezed her waist before letting go, stepping back to wipe his eyes, his breathing still shaking as he nodded, "Spider's my brother, too."

Kayla smiled gently even as her own tears slipped down her cheeks undetected, "Do you think Neteyam felt the same?"

"I think so. I just... wish nothing happened the way it did. One of the last things I said to 'Teyam before everything went to shit was how determined I was to save Payakan because he's my brother. Neteyam probably hated me for that..."

"He didn't. I'm sure of it."

Lo'ak huffed quietly, taking one hand and clasping it over his opposite elbow, "You don't understand..."

"How come?"

"Because you've never lost a brother."

Kayla's eyes widen, feeling as though she had just been slapped in the face, "Lo'ak... has your father never told you anything about your Uncle Tom?"

"N... No?"

She had never, not once, ever felt the kind of rage that just rolled in her gut, rumbling like a cornered animal. Kayla would later pat herself on the back for how quickly she had managed to shift her face into a clean slate before Lo'ak even noticed the shift in her eyes. Instead, she keeps her voice leveled, "You should ask him. Because I can tell you right now... he and I know exactly how you feel."

Either Lo'ak didn't catch onto what she was saying, or he was wise not to venture further into that viper nest. While his sobs had vanished, one stray tear still managed to slip past his detection, "Brothers forever. We should have been brothers forever..."

"Lo'ak, look at me," he does so, barely blinking when she reaches down to wipe away the tear. She managed a smile, one that showed her age as she expressed what she's known for a very long time, "The word 'forever' is not meant for people. People can't live forever. 'You know what does live forever? Memories. Stories. Songs. Those last forever, just as long as there's someone who will remember them. You and Neteyam will always be brothers, forever, even when you're no longer around, as long as there are still people here who remember you. Okay?"

~~~~~~~~~

The communal meal that night was lively and honestly, it was something the Sullys needed. For the time being, they kept the newest sign of danger to themselves and Kayla hoped that it wouldn't eventually bite them in the back. She knew eventually she and Jake would have to tell Ronal and Tonowari about Quartich-- then again, she could just have Jake do it. She technically didn't need to get herself involved as her brother could speak for all of them, but somehow, she had become the spokesperson between her brother's family and the clan leaders of the Metkayina. Kayla didn't volunteer or even detested it, but one day it just happened and she's been playing along ever since. So now that the responsibility fell onto her, she had been thinking of when would be a good time to speak to Ronal and Tonowari.

Now would definitely not suffice as Kayla spots the clan leaders across the way, toward the head of the line of Na'vi eating amongst each other. Ronal and Tonowari were speaking to an elder, all serious and respectful, until Tsireya and Ao'nung joined them. Both leaders spot their children at the same time before gently dismissing the elder and moving to converse with their son and daughter, likely to hear about how their day went. Kayla watched openly, knowing that neither of the clan leaders could see her from her spot. It was a bit cowardly to watch them when she knew she wouldn't be caught, but she allowed herself to be selfish in this moment.

That is, until Jake interrupted her. He hadn't noticed what his sister was distracted by as he moved to sit beside her with his plate of food in hand. Once he's crouched next to her, the spell is broken and Kayla is suddenly aware of his presence and pointedly only staring down at her meal laid out in front of her.

Jake takes a moment to settle in before speaking at a low level, "Whatever you said to Lo'ak... thank you. He looked more lively than before."

She hummed, unimpressed, "Believe me, he would've looked better if it was you."

"Yeah, well... according to you, I don't say the right things."

"As a brother, sure," she shrugged, uncaring and a bit too brutal with her words. She didn't have the energy to put a filter on it, "But you can't afford to be like that when you're a father. Unless you're trying to be like our old man."

"... That was low."

Her ears pinned back against her skull, pausing the small wooden cup of water she held to her lips before taking a sip and lowering it back down, "Yeah, I guess it was. You... never told your kids about Tommy."

Jake winced, and suddenly he was aware of the storm beginning to brew as if electricity was radiating off his sister's skin. He could feel the charge and resisted the urge to move away, "... No, I haven't."

"Are you going to now?" Her question wasn't curious or sarcastic. It was surprisingly calm, but perhaps that's what made it all the more terrifying, "They might open up to you if they knew you lost a brother once, too."

Jake found himself opening his mouth despite knowing it was a bad idea. Grace always did call him a jarhead for this, among other things, "I thought you'd be angry that I never talk about him."

"Oh, believe me, I'm furious," she eyed him up with malice in her eyes, a fire that couldn't be doused by any ocean as her own voice dropped low into something quiet yet venomous, "No one gets to defile my big brother's memory like that. No one. How would you feel if Lo'ak decided to never mention Neteyam again? How do you think his sisters would feel?"

Jake watched her face with what could be described as guilt, "You're right..."

And there they were again. At a stalemate. For a moment, things looked as though everything would get better between siblings. Now, it was back to square one. Kayla thought she could move on from what she felt regarding her brother, but when she's always so close to forgiving him, something always reels her back. Kayla was sure he was tired of this as much as she was, but neither one has been able to find equal footing, no matter how hard they tried to mend what's been broken.

Instead of trying to mend it even further, Kayla spoke as if she was resigned to it, "I'm sorry it's come to this."

He didn't need to ask. He knew what she meant, and he nodded in agreement, "Me, too. I was out of line the other day."

"You were scared. It's hard to blame you..." She shrugged, "Quaritch is still out there. He's your demon as much as Ardmore is mine."

Jake processed that for a moment, staring off into space before letting out a long sigh through his nose, "Well, the good news is we have the element of surprise. Quaritch doesn't know about you."

He didn't miss the way her tail rose to alertness or the way her ears suddenly moved to attention. She even looked guilty, eyebrows scrunched together as she cringed, trying to hide her face behind her drink as she spoke,

"Jake... Quaritch knew who I was."

He was just as alert now, "What?"

"On the ship, when we were fighting, he found out who I was."

"How?"

She reached for her collar, gently grasping the chain around her neck before lifting it up into the air, letting her dog tags slip out from underneath her crop top. They glimmer faintly in the firelight as Jake reads her name from the tags loud and clear in his head.

"You were wearing them?"

"Old habits die hard."

Jake couldn't argue with that. He knows he was just as guilty about old habits. His hand rose to rub his eyes when he felt the muscles in his brows twitch from stress, "... I guess we're all going to have to be careful then."

"That's an understatement."

~~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare. Another night of trying to convince himself he was safe. Spider doesn't like the fact that Kayla is always so willing to talk to him about it, even though he knows that she's just doing her best. He knows he'll eventually have to talk about it, but for now, he'll continue to wake from his nightmares and refuse to talk about them when Kayla asks about them at the moment.

This particular night was bad, worse than the rest, and by morning, Spider was definitely short with his tone and his patience. He kept to himself, not willing to talk or indulge anyone by proxy. Kayla decided that further irritating him wouldn't be a good solution, so she offered to leave while he stayed in the marui, stewing with his ill temper.

Kiri must have tried to draw him out because a short while after trying to talk to Spider, she found her aunt in the shallow water of the reef and helped her with the net she was throwing out while she shared her concern,

"He was tortured... wasn't he?"

Kayla glanced at Kiri out of the corner of her eye, wishing she could lie to her. The only reason she didn't was because Kiri already looked confident that she knew the answer. As young as she was, she had already been through so much-- she wasn't naive about the world, which hurt to admit.

Kayla returned to her task, taking a deep breath, "Yes, I'm pretty sure he was. But he hasn't said anything to me."

"Not to mention what my mom did to him..."

It honestly shocked Kayla that it took this long to have this conversation with Kiri. She had secretly dreaded this moment that would eventually have to happen with her niece, knowing that it would be hard to comfort her while also trying to explain her mother's actions as neutral as possible, despite her own opinion, "That woman who held a knife to Spider's throat... that wasn't your mother, sweetheart."

"You haven't spoken to her very much." Kiri simply states.

Kayla's lips drew a thin line, "No."

Not only that, but Kayla had been actively avoiding Neytiri, only tolerating the other woman's presence if she knew Spider would be forced into the same vicinity as her. Kayla knew it wasn't entirely Neytiri's fault and it wasn't fair to blame all of Spider's trauma on her, but it was easier.

Kiri accepted her aunt's short reply before quietly admitting out loud, "I was scared."

"Of your mom?"

"Yes, but mostly for Spider. For years, I tried to convince myself that my mom loved Spider in her own way, and I tried to convince Spider, too. But then she held a knife--" She winced, lightly hitting the palm of her hand against her forehead, "I feel so stupid--"

"You're not stupid, Kiri," Kayla quickly reached out to take her niece's hand, drawing it away from her face, "You're an optimist. That doesn't make you stupid. Listen. Your parents love you. They'll do anything for you."

"Yeah," the thought of all those dead bodies, the fire, the explosions, the sinking of the ship, and of course, the fear in Spider's eyes, "That's what scares me."

"It is a scary thought... but I understand how they feel. I mean-- I know I'd do anything for you kids now, as cheesy as it sounds."

"It's not cheesy," Kiri faintly smiles, "You're family, Auntie. We know you only want what's best for us."

"Yeah?" She huffs in amusement, "Someone should tell your father that."

"Would... Would you have done the same thing? If you were in my mother's place?"

Kayla peered up at the sky, a little thrown off by the question but wasn't at all surprised that Kiri was curious. She had never thought about it before if she was in her brother's position. If she was in Neytiri's position.

"I'm not sure I can imagine being in your mom's place, sweetheart. I can't imagine what it's like to lose a son. It's possible Neytiri wasn't entirely aware of her actions. Or she was. Who knows? I just know one thing. If it were me, Spider would've never been in harm's way to begin with, I promise you that."

Kiri tilts her head up and watches the sky with her aunt, not entirely at peace, but content, "I think I can live with that answer."

~~~~~~~~~

Another nightmare and Spider couldn't take it anymore. He needed to tell someone something, and if it wasn't about what he endured within Bridgehead, then it could at least be something useful. After all, while the Recoms were learning how to be a Na'vi from him, Spider had been learning a thing or two from the Sky People as well.

He searched and found Jake and Kayla on top of the large mangrove trees, attending to their ikran, not wanting their banshees to feel neglected and unloved while they lived their new lives on the water. Everyone with eyes can see that the older Sully siblings are at odd ends with each other, but that's nothing new to Spider and the family. It wasn't any different from when Kayla first arrived on Pandora, so... even though it wasn't anything new, it was a little concerning that she and Jake were still at odds with one another. Although, maybe they were trying to get past it as they tasked themselves with the ikran.

Kayla smiled to herself while running a single hand down Thena's snout before she caught movement out of the corner of her eye. Looking up, her alertness melts into an open-minded smile once she realizes who it is, "Hey, Spider."

Jake looks up at Spider's name and nods in a short greeting before the boy steps closer, hesitant, "I... have to tell you guys something. I know why the Sky People are back. I know why they're here and I know what they're after."

Despite their disagreements, Jake and Kayla are still very much the first generation of Sullys on Pandora as they both turn to look at each other at the same time, then proceed to do the same as they look back at Spider.

"We already know they want to take this world as their own," Kayla replied.

Spider simply shook his head, "It's more than that."

Jake's eyebrows furrow, "They're not mining again?"

"No. Worse. They're hunting tulkun with a purpose. Not just to piss off the Na'vi. There's uh... a liquid substance found in the brain matter of tulkun called Amrita. Apparently, it completely stops human aging in its tracks."

"What?" Jake frowned.

"It's worth millions of dollars. They told me that Amrita is what's paying for RDA's whole operation on Pandora. The military, the city, the labor force..."

Jake stares off at the distance, deep in thought with a grim expression on his face. Kayla doesn't appear phased by the news, unsurprised by the Sky People's motives. When Jake turns to her, she voices her resigned thoughts, "I told you. Earth was dying by the time I left. Things must have gotten even worse since then if they were getting this desperate."

Jake watches her carefully before nodding in agreement, "The olo'eyktan and the tsahik should know about this."

"I'll talk to them," Kayla volunteers before Jake could even move. She pulls away from her ikran and moves to the human boy, an arm out to guide him forward, "Spider."

The teen followed her lead without question, and Jake couldn't avoid the wary, cautious glances both his sister and the boy managed to glance back at him before they went back to the direction of the village. He's left alone to his thoughts and his attention-seeking ikran.

When they reach the chief's marui, Kayla insists on speaking her piece first, telling both Ronal and Tonowari about who Quaritch is and why he is dangerous being left alive, then she lets Spider talk as he explains why the Sky People were after the tulkun. Both clan leaders listen to both of them intently, and when Spider mentioned witnessing the death of a familiar tulkun and her calf, Ronal's hand instinctively rests on her pregnant belly, horror slowly dawning on her face.

"My Spirit Sister and her baby were murdered... for this?"

Spider's eyes widen, unaware that the tulkun he witnessed being butchered was actually the tsahik's Spirit Sister. Guilt rattles in his chest at the thought of Ronal's distress, unaware of Tonowari's large hand gently encompassing his small shoulder until the olo'eyktan spoke,

"You have done well to bring this to our attention, boy," Tonowari spoke gently, waiting until Spider peered up at him before he gracefully nodded once down at him, "Irayo."

Spider nodded back, unable to think of anything else to say other than an apology when he saw how broken the once stern tsahik looked, "I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

He says this while looking up at Ronal, whose ears pin back as she tries to contain her composure. She almost couldn't stand the pitied look the tawtute boy graced her and she had to look away. With whatever Ronal didn't say, Kayla made up for by placing her hand on Spider's other shoulder, opposite of Tonowari's,

"You did what you could, Spider," she gently consoled.

"She is right," Tonowari adds, much to Spider's surprise and Kayla's gratification, "You would have endangered yourself if you had tried putting a stop to the murder of Ro'a. You are small and have no weapons."

Spider didn't take the chief's observation of his size to heart, still caught up on the name Tonowari called the murdered tulkun. Spider didn't know her name, and somehow that made him feel worse.

Kayla saw the look on his face and thought he was hung up on the idea of not having any weapons, "Something that I promise we will fix. Soon."

Spider simply nodded, still distracted by the memory Ro'a and her calf while absently muttering, "I miss my bow."

"We'll make a new one," Kayla squeezed his shoulder, "A better one, okay? Why don't you head back home? I'll meet you there."

He looks up at her, then Tonowari, then Ronal. He must have seen something curious as he tilted his head ever so slightly to one side. Spider looked as though he wanted to ask a question, but instead, he just nodded in agreement and moved out of Kayla and Tonowari's space, walking out of the marui while only occasionally looking back over his shoulder.

Kayla watched him leave, a little wary that she was sending him alone through the village until she couldn't see him anymore before turning back to the clan leaders. She doesn't appear phased about the fact that Ronal and Tonowari were already expectedly looking at her as she rolled her lips,

"The other reef villages should be told the reason behind the tulkun hunting."

Tonowari bows his head once in solidarity, "I will send word."

Kayla nods and makes a step out of the pod, but she froze with one foot still in. Hesitant, she turns back to the pair, not making eye contact as she opens her mouth, "I need to bring Spider home soon. Back to the forest. He's defenseless and he needs supplies in order to survive on the reef... should he be allowed to stay here."

When she hesitantly glanced up through her eyelashes, she was met with an untelling expression on both of their faces. Ronal is the first to answer, taking a deep breath, "... Do you vouch for the boy?"

"I do."

They exchange a look that Kayla is too exhausted to decipher before Tonowari speaks as he turns back in her direction, "He's a good child. Loyal and brave. If he wants to stay here, he will need to learn our ways."

She feels a tightness in her muscles that she didn't know was there begin to deflate and relax, her lungs expanding more than usual. Her faint smile grew more, gratitude evident in her eyes, "Copy that."

Ronal purses her lips to refrain from smiling back, "Let me know when you intend to leave. I will be sure to provide any provisions you need."

"Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~

A few days flew by with not much to call home about. There was still a live mine of an aura around Neytiri, so everyone purposely kept Spider away from her. Instead, the Sully children would go to Kayla's marui to visit with him or to take him away for lessons or explorations. Spider was delighted to learn he would be taught more about the Metkayina's way of life after Kayla explained Tonowari and Ronal's acceptance of him. He didn't want to get his hopes up, knowing it sounded too good to be true, but he didn't want to let the clan leaders down, let alone Kayla, so he didn't say anything and eagerly followed Tsireya and the Sully children to any lessons they were just as eager to teach him.

Kayla tried her best not to chaperone these lessons, knowing that being a helicopter... guardian wasn't what Spider needed. So, she'd see him off every day to wherever his friends had planned for him and leave them to it, at least comforted by the fact that the Sully children wouldn't let anything happen to Spider, and Tsireya and the other reef children were starting to feel the same way.

That afternoon, she found herself running her thumb over her songcord, sitting down to finally come up with the lyrics to tell her life story. She struggled and didn't get very far by the time Tuk pranced up to her kelku.

"Hey, Auntie? Max is on the radio. He's asking for you."

Kayla smiles and gets up, placing a hand on her youngest niece's head, "Thank you, sweetness. Is your dad around?"

"He's out fishing with mom and the olo'eyktan."

"Alright. The other kids are just down the beach. Go on ahead and I'll see you later."

Tuk runs off excitedly while Kayla makes for the Sully marui. She finds herself alone when she gets there and she crouches down in front of the long-distance radio, pressing it to her lips, "This is Desert Fox, you have the green light."

"Hey, Kayla, it's Max."

"Hey, Max. Everything alright?"

"Everything's fine except for, uh... except for one thing. You haven't broken your link in a while and your body's vitals are... well, I don't feel comfortable with how low they are. You need to come back, and I don't mean just breaking the link and waking up. I need you to bring the avatar back so I can get a proper assessment of both bodies."

She taps her finger against the talking piece as she chooses her words before responding, "Did Norm put you up to this? Normally, he's the one to call."

"Right now, Norm is... pissed off, to say the least. He figured I would have a more level head when talking to you."

"I understand," she sighs heavily, a headache already forming at the idea of having to face Norm's wrath, "I need to bring Spider back anyway. Tell Norm we'll be there tomorrow at about 1600."

"Copy that. Over and out."

~~~~~~~~~

When Tuk had mentioned Max's call to her father, Jake couldn't afford to wait to hear from Kayla about it and went looking for her, concern at the front of his mind. He finds her in her marui and stands in the doorway with hesitance when he notices the bags full of necessities on the floor in front of him. Kayla looked up as she was neatly placing Spider's rations in an easily accessible pouch, to which Jake's ears fell,

"Are you... packing?"

She nods, "Max had called while you were out. He says I've been away too long. I'll take Thena and fly back in the morning."

"Oh... are you sure that's a good idea?"

"I gotta go back. I shouldn't have stayed away from my human form for this long, you know that. I'll take Spider with me."

When Jake flinches and looks as though he wants to argue she immediately adds, "He needs to recuperate and Norm and the others need to see him. They've been so worried, Jake. You need to share the boy with the people who actually raised him."

"No, it's fine. I understand that part. It's just... with Quaritch out there... and now that he knows who you are... it doesn't feel right. He'll have every reason to take both you and Spider."

"I can take care of Spider and myself. I've handled worse than Quaritch, and he wouldn't harm Spider. I'll bring him back, but for the time being, he needs to go home and I need to stretch my human legs."

"So you will come back?"

There's a hesitance in his voice, a small hopeful tone that makes Kayla look away out of awkwardness, "Jake..."

"Right," he corrects himself with a nod, "Don't talk about it."

"No. Do talk about it. But not to me," she managed a small glare in his direction, "I'll come back and I better hear that you and Lo'ak talked."

"About what exactly?"

"Jesus Christ-- Anything, Jake," she snarls out of frustration, staring up at the ceiling as if begging Eywa to clean her brother's ears, "Everything. And make sure he knows that he's not just a replacement."

His eyebrows furrow as a growing need to defend himself begins to form, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean... when exactly did you first start to See Lo'ak? Before or after his brother's death?" Jake's eyes slowly widened as his sister's words bore a hole in his chest. Kayla makes sure her disapproval shows as she continues, "He might not think your parenting is genuine at the moment because you're probably just nurturing Neteyam through him."

"Shit. Okay. I'll talk to him... Are we good?" He motions a finger between the two of them.

"We're getting there," she answered simply, not in the mood to open up another can of worms before she had to leave. She didn't want to say how long it might take for her to finally see eye-to-eye with Jake, but she wanted to. Not enjoying the silence that lingered after her short reply, she took a steady breath in and out of her nose, gaining the courage to look up at him, "Do you... want me to tell everyone about Neteyam?"

His eyes widen a fraction more before he averts his gaze, the broken expression almost unbearable for his sister to see as he stares off at the wall beside him, "If... If you could. I understand if you don't want to."

"It's fine. Leave it to me."

~~~~~~~~~

Thena wasn't overjoyed by all the weight she would have to carry over the ocean, and she showed her distaste by gently nibbling Kayla's shin as her rider was strapping the bags of supplies onto her back.

"Ah," Kayla hissed as she moves her leg out of her ikran's reach, batting her softly with the end of her tail, "Frickin' drama queen. You're going home so quit complaining."

The banshee squawked in retaliation, shaking her neck before huffing loudly through her nostrils as Kayla would say-- dramatically. The ikran was resting on the beach of the village with a small crowd of Metkayina standing around to see Kayla and Spider off, their friends and family included.

Jake was on the other side of Thena, pulling and testing out the saddle, harness, and straps to ensure a safe flight, "Remember to take more frequent stops on the way back. She's not used to carrying so much for such a long distance."

"You got it."

"Still got your compass?"

"Check," she expresses as she indicates to the mentioned object, resting against her leg at the end of her songcord.

"Alright. Fly safe. Have Norm radio us when you get there."

He makes a step toward Kayla, then stops, his hands hesitating at his side before he just decides on firmly nodding. It almost looked as though he was going in to hug her, but decided against it when her shoulders hunched up at the idea. The siblings awkwardly stare at one another before Kayla walks around him and mutters, "See you later."

"Yeah..."

She moves to join Spider where he stands in the sand, his arms folded in front of him as he cautiously watches the Sully children out of the corner of his eye. Kayla peers over at her nieces and nephew, and can see how downtrodden they look, watching both her and Spider.

She offers them an encouraging smile before standing before the human teen. Kayla pinches the bottom of Spider's mask where his chin would be, making him look up at her as she gently whispered, "Hey. We'll be coming back sooner than later. I promise it won't be long. So chin up and go tell them that you'll see them soon. You don't have to say goodbye."

Slowly, he nods and walks away, toward Lo'ak, Tuk, and Kiri. Kayla watched as the siblings all surrounded Spider in a warm, tight hug before she heard the sand moving behind her. Turning around, she was met with Ronal and Tonowari approaching her, and she courteously greeted them by pressing her fingers to her forehead and lowering her hand down in their direction.

Tonowari mimics the motion to her as well with his free hand, his other one gripping his tall harpoon. The olo'eyktan kept a straight face, though Kayla was getting better at reading his eyes, those light blue orbs with specks of green. While he appeared to stand tall and proud over his people, his eyes told a different story, at least to Kayla. She could see a small hesitance in his gaze, trying to remain strong as he solemnly addressed her,

"Safe travels, Makayla te Suli tsmuke te Toruk Makto. Your home here will anxiously await your return."

Kayla bows her head respectfully, forcing down any color threatening to spread up her face. Her eyes dart to the woman standing next to him, catching Ronal's green orbs with specks of gold. The tsahik kept her face firm and blank, though her eyes briefly glanced Kayla up and down in a way that sent the avatar woman down a tunnel of yearning. Ronal's gaze alone was almost enough for Kayla to change her mind and decide to stay on the island for another week.

She quickly regained her words when her mind stuttered, her lips feeling dry as she spoke quietly, "Thank you, ma olo'eyktan. Ma tsahik."

It took a lot of willpower not to step back as Ronal boldly stepped into Kayla's space, grasping the avatar woman's hand in both of her larger ones. Kayla retained eye contact with the tsahik, trying not to crumble under the heat radiating off of the other woman's body, or at the very least, try not to visibly show how both of the clan leaders' presence affected her.

Ronal didn't even blink at this violation of unspoken space between them, lowering her voice for only Kayla to hear, "Eywa ngahu."

Kayla did her best to swallow her nerves and smiled ever so slightly once the words translated into her head. Almost regretfully, she finally steps away from Ronal, gently pulling her hand out of hers and swiftly turning her back to walk toward her ikran. Even as she walked away, Kayla could feel two pairs of eyes on her, causing the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up, but in a more... exciting and promising way. Not like the discomfort she once felt when the clan leaders had first laid eyes on her.

Spider had already finished talking to the Sully children and patiently waited for Kayla beside Thena... but at a safe distance since the ikran was eyeing him a little funny. He wasn't entirely watching Kayla as she approached him, his eyes distractedly flicking between her and the clan leaders watching her depart. He doesn't say a word as Kayla encourages him to climb onto the banshee. He does so, while repeatedly looking back curiously at Ronal and Tonowari. Kayla followed him up onto her ikran's back as she reached her tswin out to form tsaheylu with her loyal steed. Kayla looks around the crowd one last time, from her brother and his family to the clan leaders who had accepted her into their village. She looked away and got comfortable on the saddle, making sure Spider was hanging onto Thena's neck from where he was situated in front of Kayla before ordering in her head for the ikran to take flight.

~~~~~~~~~

By the time the island of Awa'atlu disappeared behind them, Kayla and Spider silently prepared for their long journey ahead. They had to find rock cliffs all throughout the flight so that Thena could rest, more times than when Kayla first flew her out over the ocean, but neither avatar nor human complained, taking the breaks to stretch their legs before they would eventually have to hop onto Thena's back once more.

It was getting dark by the time they began to glide over vast trees and floating mountains, but the world of Pandora was just as bright at night as it was during the day, if not more beautiful, so Thena had no problems as she flew up higher into the Hallelujah Mountains, already knowing her way home.

Even though the mountain appeared inconspicuous, Kayla knew they were at the right spot. She heard a horn blow before she even noticed a single Na'vi, but once the horn had sounded, a chorus of yips and cheers gave away the High Camp's position. A cave was spotted along with torches beginning to light up to beckon her in the right direction, so Kayla grasped Spider's shoulder and instructed Thena toward the cave where she had begun to make out shapes of Na'vi waving her in.

Thena quickly lands the moment the landing zone is cleared, too tired to continue carrying all that weight for a second longer. Spider got off first before Kayla followed suit, breaking the tsaheylu and immediately tending to her ikran, running her hands up and down the beast's neck as thanks while supplying the banshee with plenty of raw meat. The floor of the cave felt cold and familiar beneath Kayla's feet as she looked around at yet another familiar growing crowd as they swarmed around her and Spider. The Omatikaya are all chatting around one another as they stare the two newcomers down, but they appear more relaxed and even happier to see them than ever before.

In the back of the crowd, Kayla caught an accent that wasn't Na'vi, "Look! It's Spider!"

And like dominos, other voices reacted as they drew closer, gently pushing the Na'vi out of the way to get to the human teenager who now perked up at the sound of familiar voices,

"Spider!"

"You're okay!"

"Good to see you, kid!"

"We're so glad you're safe!"

The allied humans, scientists, military, and everyone in between, with smiling faces covered in breathing masks, surround Spider to inspect him and hug him. He faintly smiles at all the familiar faces, adults he had known his whole life, greeting him like he was visiting for the holidays, marveling at how much he's changed.

One of the humans broke away from the group when she spotted the familiar avatar woman beside Spider, a young woman with dark, curly hair as she waved up to the avatar in question, "Kayla!"

"Hey, Jocelyn," Kayla's smile widened into a genuine joy to see her friend, "How's everything?"

"Doing well. It's so good to see you!"

"Makayla Sully!"

"Shit," Kayla mutters when she hears that familiar voice behind her, sounding pissed off. She sheepishly spins around and smiles as if she had just been caught stealing from the cookie jar, "Hi, Norm."

"'Hi, Norm.'" The man in question scoffs mockingly in his avatar form. For someone so lanky and overall nice, Norm Spellman can come off as terrifying when he's pissed, yellow eyes narrowing onto Kayla, "'Hi, Norm?' What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Listen, Norm, before you chew me out..." Kayla cuts off the tirade he no doubt had for her, hand out to stop him while looking around, "There's something I need to do first."

Norm nearly opened his mouth to protest, but then he looked down at Spider and noticed a grave expression on the teenager's face. Spider's gaze meets Norm and shakes his head, all the while Kayla continues looking around the crowd until she finally spots who she is looking for.

Amidst the chaos of everyone greeting Kayla and Spider, she hadn't seen Mo'at approaching until now, and whatever expression Kayla had on her face made the older Na'vi woman very cautious upon walking up to Kayla.

"Ma tsahik," Kayla bowed her hand to her respectfully, despite the grave expression on her face. It felt wrong to call her that. It felt like she was disrespecting Ronal somehow by calling Mo'at that, despite everything the Omatikaya woman had done for her.

"What has happened, Makaylasully?" Mo'at doesn't bother greeting, not once she saw something terrible flash in Kayla's eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Mo'at... I wish I wasn't the one to tell you this."

~~~~~~~~~

Mo'at's cries of anguish could be heard all throughout camp, shaking the very foundation of their stronghold, and once word spread throughout the clan, more cries rang out, mourning over the loss of who was once their future olo'eyktan, who was still a child, echoing off the cave walls.

The Omatikaya had all flown off to the Tree of Souls to mourn Neteyam, while Norm and the other humans attended to Spider and Kayla.

Along with the heaviness in her heart, Kayla felt almost ill when she opened her eyes and was met with the soft-glowing ceiling of her link gurney for the first time in-- god, how long did she stay in her avatar form? Weeks? Months? It's all beginning to bleed together for her now. She waited until the gurney's lid hissed and opened before she removed the censor cage keeping her body in place, taking her time sitting up.

Which she immediately regrets as her arms threaten to give out when they push her torso up into a sitting position, cold and shaking. She wasn't able to restrain the weak groan she let out as her eyes strained and a headache formed right away, her vision dotted and dizzy. When looking down at her feet dangling off the side of the link bay, the woozy feeling in her stomach makes itself known, and suddenly her mouth begins to fill with saliva.

'Shit!'

Kayla leans further over the side of the gurney and vomits all over the floor around her, continuously gagging until her stomach contents are emptied. She spits and gasps for air, now suddenly aware that someone is standing beside her, holding her hair out of her face-- when did her hair get so long?

"Dumbass," Norm mutters, now human and now keeping Kayla's hair up as she continues to dry heave. He's still pissed at her, but it's somehow lessened from both the news of Neteyam and the state Kayla was currently in.

She had to agree with him when she felt her body begin to shake and a thin sheet of cold sweat started to form on her skin. Eventually, she's unable to vomit anything else out and just gasps for air, tears running down her face from how forceful that episode took over her body.

It takes a few minutes, but once she's calm, Norm helps her stand on her own two feet. He hands her an oversized zip-up hoodie, and when she questionably looks at it, he explains, "You're a mess, Kayla. If you don't want to freak Spider out, you need to wear that."

Once she catches her reflection on a nearby surface, she finally understands why. She's horrified by what she sees.

For one, she wasn't ready to see a human female with pale skin, a pointed nose, and light eyes staring back at her, nor the lighter shade of hair compared to the dark, braided locks she had on her blue-skinned avatar. Her human hair was greasy, knotted, and had grown down her back, unlike the kept hair she used to have cut to her shoulders when she first arrived on Pandora. What was more terrifying with how much weight she had lost. Her pants were loose around her waist and her muscle shirt was now baggy, her arms definitely less toned than she remembered. While she had always been pale, she now looked too pale, almost sickly.

By the time she was able to process her appearance, Norm had cleaned up the mess. When he was done throwing away the soiled rags and washing his hands, Kayla finally snapped out of it and zipped the baggy hoodie up over her form, quickly brushing her hair out with her fingers and pinning it up in a tight ponytail. Once she's straightened herself out and is fine with walking on her weakened legs, Norm gives her a disappointed look but says nothing, leading her out of the lab and down the hallway. He stands off to the side of the small medical room the human rebels made as the doors slide open, letting Kayla in first before himself.

Spider and Max look up from whatever conversation is interrupted by Norm and Kayla's entrance. Spider was sitting up on the slab meant for "patients" while Max was asking him concerned questions, questions that Spider wasn't all too happy talking about and was remaining closed off for the time being. He was thankful he didn't have to wear a breathing mask at least.

"Hey, Max," Kayla croaked before quickly clearing her throat and smiling to mask the hoarse tone in her voice.

"Good to see you, Kayla," Max smiled warmly, though she didn't miss the way his eyes shined with concern behind his glasses. Her vitals must not be the only thing he's worried about now.

Kayla quickly looks away and expertly ignores the tension in the room as she approaches Spider, "Hey. How 'you doing?"

"Alright." He responded robotically, eyes squinting at her human form once more and a little cautious about what he saw.

She remembers that he always preferred her avatar over her human form and huffs with amusement, shrugging in her baggy hoodie which made her look so small, "Yeah, I know. I look weird."

"You're not the weirdest-looking human I've met."

She snorts, "Charming."

"But you look different from usual," Spider's eyes scanned her face knowingly, "You look sick."

Guilt rumbles in her gut, realizing she couldn't exactly hide anything from Spider, the ever-observant kid. She feigns a smile of reassurance, "I just need a bit of sun. It's exhaustion from being stuck in that can for too long."

Norm scowled as he moved to join the group forming around Spider's spot on the cold slab. He wasn't impressed with Kayla trying to lie to the kid and playing off the fact that she was vomiting all her internal organs out mere moments ago, "That 'can' is the exact reason why you look miserable Kayla. That weeks-long stretch of neuro-link that you just pulled was stupid and unhealthy. You should've come back the second after you guys defeated the Sky People. I should've pulled your plug the second I realized you hadn't come back in weeks. You shouldn't be separate from your body for that long or you'll start to deteriorate in that gurney," he reaches out and shoves his pointer finger into her forehead to make sure she got the picture, "This body needs to eat, drink, and move just as much as your avatar or you'll eventually wither."

"Okay. I'm sorry," she bats his finger out of her face, sighing in defeat, "I promise I won't stay away that long again."

"Yeah, and just to make up for your stupidity, I recommend staying here for three weeks."

"What?" Spider exhales, eyes widening in distraught.

Kayla's eyebrows shoot up, "Three weeks?"

"Until the both of you are properly evaluated, rested, and healthy again, you're not going anywhere," Norm sternly ordered, glaring between the woman and teenager. Kayla seems to understand that this is the consequence of her actions and nods in hesitant agreement, while Spider, on the other hand, appears a little defiant.

"But... I want to go back." Spider found himself saying, even shocking himself when he did so.

All eyes turn to him and Kayla is the first to open her mouth, eyes shining with sympathy, "Spider--"

"Hold on, you wanna go back to the reef?" Norm speaks up, his grim expression replaced with a surprised reaction as he stares owlishly at the boy, "Why would you? Jake and his family will come back in time, won't they?"

He turns his attention to Kayla, who shrugs, "As far as I know, they plan on staying in Awa'atlu."

"Do you?" He asked.

"Yes."

"But... Spider--" Norm cracks his neck from the number of times he's looked between Kayla and the teen in question, "You'll be the only human."

Kayla frowns at the implication that Spider would be alone, "I'll keep him safe."

"It's not about that, Kayla," Norm shook his head, "I trust you. We all trust you. It's just... the islands are hundreds of miles away and he's human. The seawater is low on the pH scale and can be acidic if a human is exposed for too long. He can get chemical burns."

Doubt clouds her eyes as she stops to think about this, realizing that she has never thought about it before. She cautiously peers over at the other scientist in the room, "... Max, is this true?"

Max was watching the interaction silently up until this point, and while he shared the same concerns as Norm, he was more optimistic in his explanation, "Only if the pH scale is super low and only if Spider doesn't immediately take precautions after getting out of the water. The Metkayina's tsahik likely has something to treat him with. It's also very likely that the kid is immune to most potentially dangerous Pandoran elements after the amount of exposure over the years. He's got tougher skin than even you do. He might be fine."

"He's still not immune to Pandoran air," Norm counteracts while sternly looking between the other two adults in the room, "He needs his oxygen mask on at all times and has to have several spares on hand should something happen, you know that. He can't eat Pandoran food, and he doesn't have a kuru. He's unable to connect to the land, water, and animals unless he's with a Na'vi at all times."

"And he will be," Kayla confidently replies.

"Does he want that?"

Kayla's eyes narrow back at Spellman, "Ask him yourself."

All eyes return to Spider, and while he doesn't like it when people talk about him as if he's not in the room, he hates when all the attention is turned onto him even more. He lowered his eyes to watch his lap as if it was the most fascinating thing in the world, all the while admitting under his breath, "I want to go back. Kiri, Lo'ak, and Tuk need me. And I need them. Kayla wants to go back, too. She wants to stay with her brother's family."

A thought crosses his mind and his lips turn up into a smirk. He raises his head and knowingly grins at the woman in question as he jokes, "It doesn't hurt that the olo'eyktan and the tsahik show an interest in her."

The room deafens with silence, Kayla's jaw nearly falling to the floor in shock by Spider's boldness. Both Norm and Max glance between the two and each other, interest and surprise forming on both of their faces.

Max voices his interest with a faint, equally teasing smile as he glances over at the only woman in the room, "Oh, really?"

Kayla was trying to figure out when and where Spider made such an assumption, her eyes never leaving his until she realized he did this on purpose to get the attention off of him. Finally finding her words, she screwed up her face and playfully snarled at the teen, "Boy, shut up. That's not true."

"No?" Spider's grin only widens, "So gifting beads and shells for your songcord isn't a form of interest? Or taking you out on a date?"

"It wasn't a date. And I never said Ronal gave me that seashell."

The smugness practically radiated off of Spider as he raised a single, knowing eyebrow, "I never implied Ronal was the one who gave you the seashell."

Realizing she had been caught, she felt heat spreading over her face as she frowned, "Has anyone ever told you you're too smart for your own good?"

Spider laughed as Norm's eyes widened further, his mouth opening and closing as he struggled to find the right words to describe where his head was at. Instead, he shakes his finger at Kayla before looking back at the teen in front of him, "Okay, we're gonna put a lid on that conversation for just a minute. Spider, you're welcome to choose where you stay, but don't choose on anyone else's behalf but your own."

The amusement falls from Spider's face, looking away to avoid Norm and Max. He was glad he got a choice, but the fact that Norm appeared so hesitant made the teen feel a little angry and betrayed, remembering all the times he didn't have a choice and when he was captured, "Kayla kept looking for me. She actually tried. Where were you?"

Norm's face falls, "We did try, Spider. We really did."

"But we're just a small group of scientists," Max adds, his voice quiet and soothing.

At first, Kayla could tell that Spider didn't look all that convinced, so she came to her friends' aid, "It's true, kiddo. They tried to help me find you. Norm went out searching with me whenever he could after I earned Thena."

Only when he got Kayla's reassurance did Spider relent the anger and betrayal he felt, glancing between the two men he'd known all his life, "Okay, fine. But I know I'll be safe as long as Kayla is there. She's always had my back."

When he spared a glance over in her direction, Kayla looked surprised and touched, a smile threatening to take over her face as her eyes sparkled at him. Spider looked away, but internally he felt himself smile as well.

~~~~~~~~~

A couple of days go by and Max and Jocelyn are tag-teaming to run as many tests as humanly possible to make sure Kayla, her avatar, and Spider are healthy and able to make the long journey back out over the ocean.

Kayla got the diagnosis that she expected. Her human form was weak from the little use of movement, eating, and drinking. Norm was never going to let her live this down as he continued to berate her throughout the duration of her stay. She was given strict instructions to follow a proper diet and exercise, practically forbidden near a link bay until she regained a healthy weight.

Spider, all things considered, is a picture of health. That is... until he mentioned the vivid nightmares he had been having during one of Max's assessments of him. When asked if he wanted Kayla in on this conversation, the teenager caved and accepted, realizing he would rather tell the woman who had his back than the scientists surrounding him. Kayla was summoned and Spider finally talked about the torture he went through at Bridgehead, mentioning the machine they forced him into called a NeuroSect scanner. He described what the scanner did to him, how it spun quickly around his head with blinding lights, making him dizzy and scared. It felt as though it was probing his mind, collecting brain data while Ardmore questioned him about Jake's location. He described how his head throbbed to the point his nose began to bleed, then Quaritch turned the machine off and Spider blacked out for a split second, his eyes having rolled to the back of his head.

Kayla kept her expression neutral, but on the inside, she felt as though she could scream at the top of her lungs, wanting nothing more than to stomp back into Bridgehead and throttle Ardmore until the bitch's own eyes rolled back and her nose bled. See how she liked it.

But instead of giving in to her anger, Kayla gently thanked Spider for trusting her to know this, and he smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes as he sheepishly asked, "Just... don't ever tell Kiri, okay?"

After the vivid description of Spider's torture, Max confirmed that the nightmares were probably a lasting symptom of what his brain went through. Once Max had Spider confirm that he wasn't suffering from any more nosebleeds or migraines, Max was relieved as he stated that he should be fine. When Spider asked about the nightmares, Max assured him that with time, they'd go away, and that visibly got Spider to relax.

~~~~~~~~~

The conversation that Kayla was dreading had finally come up one night when Norm had her accompany him over to the edge of High Camp, overlooking the vast drop below them, accentuated by large waterfalls. With both of them wearing breathing masks and carrying lab equipment, Norm instructed her on how to take a sample off of a plant near the edge of the cliff, watching proudly as Kayla didn't even bat an eye as she crouched over the cliff, hovering over the plant in question. He remembered her first day at High Camp and how she was nervous to even be near the edge, knowing there was nothing below to catch her.

As they worked, Norm nonchalantly asked, "So. Tonowari and Ronal have been giving you gifts, huh?"

Kayla groaned, lowering and shaking her head in defiance, "Spider is exaggerating. They brought me to the Spirit Tree so I could visit Neteyam and gave me a shell to add to my songcord."

"Kayla. That's no ordinary gift," Norm scoffed, amused at how naive she sounded, "Na'vi are gifted songcord beads or items when they succeed their Iknimaya or if another Na'vi was trying to court them, otherwise, they collect those items themselves or their parents do before they're old enough."

She stayed silent for a moment, continuing with her task of taking samples of the alien plant. She didn't dare look up to meet her friend's gaze as she finally spoke, "I'm trying not to think about it."

"Why? 'Cause it's too good to be true?"

"No, because I'm not-- I... I'm not..."

"If you're about to say 'not worthy', I'm going to dropkick you off this cliff." Norm threatened with a frown, arms crossed in front of him as he faintly glared down at her.

Kayla finally looked up then, a small smile visible on her lips as she tried not to laugh, "Threatening people is my love language, stay off my territory," she offhandedly commented before she looked out over the vast view of the forest below the floating mountains, her mind as far away as the ocean she couldn't even see but knows it's there, waiting for her, "Even if Ronal and Tonowari were interested, it's a bad idea. What would their people think of their leaders if they shacked up to someone like me? And it's not just their people. What about their kids? Ao'nung and Tsireya are around the same age as Kiri and Lo'ak, not to mention they have a baby sibling on the way. Norm, look at me, do I look like I know anything about children?"

He squints at her as if she grew a second head, "Is that a trick question?"

"Infants," she further reiterates, standing up to semi-meet his height, "Do I look like I know anything about infants? I was the baby of my own family. Even after my parents died, Tommy and Jake raised me. I have never learned how to be a caregiver."

"That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard."

She scoffed at how quick he was to reply, rolling her eyes, "Oh, and you hear a lot of dumb stuff in your profession?"

"Kayla, I was working alongside your brother years before you ever showed up. Your brother was the dumbest thing in the world next to the large group of scientists he surrounded himself with. Up until now, I thought he was gonna die still claiming that title."

She deadpanned at his teasing expression, "You really know how to make a girl feel special, don't you?"

"At least Jake wasn't afraid of getting with a Na'vi. What's stopping you from one-upping him and getting with two?" She snorts at the joke, looking away again as he continues, "And so what if they have kids? You're clearly great with children-- don't deny it," she clamps her mouth shut nearly a second after she opens it.

Norm carried on, "It's not like every first-time parent goes in knowing exactly what they're doing. Who knows. You might have your own kid at this rate."

She squinted her eyes with suspicion as she slowly turned her head back in his direction, "If you're talking about Spider--"

"I'm not this time. I mean, obviously, Spider looks up to you as his guardian, but I was talking about you having your own rugrat with Tonowari and Ronal if you so wish."

Kayla's eyes briefly widen behind the glass of her mask before the shock quickly disappears. Norm felt his whole body grow cold when his friend reacted negatively to the statement, her eyes hardening to something grim and impassive as she crossed her arms and looked back out over the wide open sky,

"It's not possible."

Norm's concern was heard in his voice when she didn't look back at him, "Why not?"

"Because Ardmore made sure that was never a problem," Kayla robotically answered, having memorized what she had been told back at Bridgehead until it was engraved into her mind, "My avatar form was sterilized when they created her in a lab. Ardmore had always been thorough and checked off everything on her potential threat list and she made sure that this was one less thing to worry about."

She didn't see the way Norm's face dropped, eyes widening in horror as the news sunk in. He looked as though he had just been punched in the gut, watching Kayla as she already looked so... defeated, as she had already taken the time to accept this fact about herself. Norm was starting to wonder if she was ever going to tell anyone about this or if she was going to take it to her grave. Either way, he didn't want to squander the trust she had in him if he was truly the first one to know about her secret. He wanted to feel honored that she told him at all, but it didn't exactly feel like a secret worth being proud of.

"Oh. Oh, Kayla--"

"Don't," she sternly replied as she turned back to him with fire in her eyes, "Don't you dare pity me. I knew about it this whole time and I didn't care, so don't pity me when this was a choice that I made."

"Did you though? Did you make that choice or did Ardmore make it for you?" He was almost afraid to ask, but he had to know.

"... At the time I didn't care. Kids weren't a priority for me. I came to Pandora to help Ardmore with her little experiment and in return, I could find Jake's remains to bring them back to Earth. That was it. I didn't want kids."

He caught onto her words and stated bluntly, "You keep using the past tense."

Kayla's eyes lower beneath her mask, "... I don't need a child."

"But you want one?"

"I already have one," she finally declares, now a small smile on her face when she comes to terms with it herself, "I have Spider. I have Lo'ak and the girls."

"... You can have Ao'nung and Tsireya, too. And someday, maybe even Ronal's baby."

She appeared to ponder this for a moment before sighing, "Nevertheless... I have more than enough. I have more family now than I thought I'd ever have back on Earth."

~~~~~~~~~

Three weeks went by a lot faster than both Kayla and Spider could anticipate, and once Max gave Kayla the all-clear to link back to her avatar, both she and the teen she was in charge of were starting to get excited to return to Awa'atlu.

While she had been spending so much time on being healthy and gaining weight, Kayla felt as though she completely neglected some people around High Camp. Apart from Jocelyn, Kayla never got to catch up with Txe'la and Meui and how the three of them have been. Once back in her avatar, she didn't want to miss any more chances and took the two Na'vi men back out hunting like the good old days, and even managed to convince Tarsem to go with them when he was free from olo'eyktan duties.

While hunting, the Omatikaya men were catching Kayla up to speed on recent events. Apparently, there's a resistance camp full of humans who had come to Pandora in the second wave of the Sky People invasion. There was an avatar and even Na'vi living among them, one of whom came to visit the Omatikaya. Tarsem spoke of a Na'vi who was originally born from the Sarentu clan, a clan known for their stories and democracy but had since been wiped out by the Sky People. However, a small handful of Sarentu survived and grew up, now fighting to protect Pandora from the same people who murdered their families.

The Sarentu Tarsem spoke of sounded brave and determined to protect their home, jumping from clan to clan to ensure their alliance. The Sarentu's words moved Tarsem when he spoke to them, explaining to Kayla the importance of seeing a clan believed to be extinct suddenly return to bring the clans together. Kayla was amazed by the story, faintly thinking in the back of her mind how she would have to tell Jake about this.

Another individual Kayla felt as though she was neglecting was Mo'at. After everything the Omatikaya tsahik has done for her, Kayla wished she could somehow return the favor. She had started by mourning Neteyam with the older woman, knowing that the grief was fresh in Mo'at's mind and she shouldn't be left alone with it. Kayla did her best to tell Mo'at how everyone was back across the ocean and how they were thriving among the Metkayina. Once Mo'at was told how Neytiri was struggling, she stomped down her grief and got to work, half listening to Kayla's stories as she worked on her project.

Spider was waiting outside the lab for Kayla when she returned from visiting with the tsahik, the teen casually lying across one of its support beams as she approached, swinging one leg off the edge of it. He kept his face blank while staring down at the avatar form he was far more familiar with than the human one,

"How's Mo'at?"

"A little better," Kayla sighed heavily, "Though she's been working tirelessly on a shawl for Neytiri so that I could bring it back to the island with me."

"A mourning shawl?"

"Not exactly. She knows Neytiri already has one but she wanted something specifically for her daughter... a gift from one grieving mother to another." Kayla didn't miss the way Spider ducked his head at her words, avoiding eye contact, "What's wrong?"

Spider slowly sat up, watching his legs swing down over the side of the support beam as he hesitantly muttered, "I... I know I shouldn't... but I miss Neteyam."

Her heart squeezed painfully at those words, sad to see this child so conflicted over the loss of someone so young, "Why shouldn't you miss him?"

"Because I don't deserve it, especially after I let the one responsible for his death get away."

"Spider, we've been over this--"

"I know. But-- still."

She sighed, looking around before deciding to pull herself up onto the beam and sitting down beside the teen, looking up at the cave's ceiling, "You know... for at least the first week without 'Teyam... I felt the same way."

Spider turned his head to look up at her, "Really? Why?"

"Because I wasn't his parent... or his sibling... I was the estranged aunt who only entered his life a year prior. I wasn't extremely close to him as maybe you and Lo'ak were... so I felt as though I didn't have the right to miss him."

Pain passes through Spider's face as he lowers his head again, "... Neteyam and I weren't close."

"No?"

"I mean... when we were younger, sure, but we haven't been for a while. That's why I didn't feel as though I had the right to mourn him."

"Can I... ask why?" She questioned carefully.

"I want to say it was because he was starting to learn all the responsibilities of olo'eyktan, but I know I would be kidding myself. I think he started to distance himself because he wanted his parents to be proud of him."

Kayla caught the hidden meaning immediately, forcing down a wave of rage, "His mother, you mean."

"... Yes."

"I'm sorry, kiddo," she spoke softly, her hand rising to move a dread out of his face, but immediately placed her hand back down before she gave into that impulse, "If it's any consolation... I know he still cared about you."

She didn't miss the way his chin quivered underneath his mask, his eyes stubbornly staring dead ahead as his vision blurred, "It's not."

"I know."

~~~~~~~~~

Rations, masks, mouthwash...

Kayla was going over the list Max gave her several times over, making sure she had all of these essentials for Spider packed and strapped to Thena's back. There were human drinks, food, medicine, and so much more that even she guiltily forgot about. She was ashamed to think she was ready to let Spider stay in Awa'atlu when the kid actually needed a lot more than the bare essentials she managed to scrounge up for him.

Double-checking her harness and straps, Kayla gently places a hand over Thena's nose before stepping away, joining the crowd that wishes to see her and Spider off. Spider stood beside Max as Mo'at was handing him down some healing properties.

"Koaktutra," the tsahik placed a small wooden cup covered in a matching lid in Spider's hands.

Max noticed Kayla's confusion so he elaborates, "Goblin Thistle. Antibiotic balm."

Mo'at nodded to Max's explanation then handed another small mixture to Spider, "Pxorna'."

"Episoth," Max explained, "It's got amazing skin rejuvenation properties, and I think it'll help Spider when he goes into the water."

He takes the mixture from Spider and holds it up to the teenager's face, "As long as you remember to slather yourself in this stuff every night after a long day of swimming, it should help prevent skin cancer and chemical burns. These salves have proven to be safe for human use, I promise. If I happen to visit the island again and I don't see any changes to your skin, then maybe we'll be able to cut the episoth back to once a week and eventually even less so if your skin grows immunity to the pH levels. Until then, every night, bud. 'You got it?"

Spider huffs and rolls his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I got it."

"Good. And just in case--" Max then holds up a remedy of his own, a small plastic yellow tube that makes Kayla snort with amusement at the sight of it. Sunscreen.

Spider's upper lip twitched at the sight of the tube and half glared at Max, "Seriously?"

"Humor me."

"Fine."

Kayla laughs at their antics and takes the remedies from them, bringing the supplies over to Thena and safely packing them away in their bags. Mo'at takes a moment to place a gentle, withered hand on top of Spider's head and they both exchange a warm smile.

Norm, in his avatar, approached Kayla to help her out and hugged her when they were all set, "I am going to give you a week before I start calling and nagging at you to break your link again, got it?"

"Yeah, yeah," Kayla huffed as she pulled away, unaware of the knowing smile Norm bore as he looked between her and Spider, clearly thinking how similar they already were in words and mannerisms.

"And-- tell Jake everything's okay here. Tell him not to worry."

Kayla smiled then and nods, "Of course. I'll see you in a week."

She moves to say goodbye to Mo'at, the two women gripping each other's arms in departure as they silently speak to one another. Kayla then fistbumps Max and waves to everyone else before gently knocking her knuckle against the glass of Spider's mask,

"You ready?"

"Yeah." Spider grins.

"Alright. Then let's go home."

A/N: I… don't think I have anything to say. I mean, it's a lot all in one chapter so I'm sure there's plenty to say but I can't think of anything ;) stay tuned for more soon!

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porkcutletbowl44 · 5 months ago

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Simon Riley/Reader and Keegan/Reader

Hi. I have come out of a almost 6 year writing hiatus and decided to start posting works again. (Yippie😅) I woke up in cold sweat one day about this particular story line and just started writing it down until I gathered the courage to share it... This is a snippet from the 2nd chapter I have on AO3 (I have no clue how to use AO3 in terms of writing OR Tumblr for that fact pls help 😭) but, I'd like to hear some thoughts about how it is, (yay or nay?) aaaannnnddd first ever post on Tumblr whoop! (Apologies for spelling and grammar I still haven't completely edited the chapters fully)

After a few weeks, the divorce was finalized. And those weeks quickly grew into just shy of two months. you didn't even notice, you didn't have the time to even keep up with your own body living in the present. Your daughter didn't deserve to see her mother in shambles like this. Didn't deserve to watch her parents divorce simply because of the lack of communication you hammered into her little head from a young age to express when she was frustrated her sippy cup lid wasn't screwed on all the way and spilled a sticky mess of apple juice all over her chest. Communication, that's an important ingredient. Remember. Communication cannot exist without comprehension. You can bring the horse to water but you cannot force it to drink. You thought you had it all, a loving husband, a beautiful child, a safe home, it was temporary. Ripped from your fingers like a purse stolen by a thief. You will only helplessly watch as your things are being taken from you.

You will continue to claw at your chest and whimper like a wounded animal.

It does not get easier, even right now when it's time for Simon to take Fawn for the weekend again. You can bear the awkward tension, that silence that makes your throat close up and forces your voice to a weak frail squeak. You kept your attention somewhat busy with your work laptop, there are only four emails and you take the time to thoroughly read them, typing calmly to avoid confrontation.

He stood in the kitchen quietly, watching your back. He had a strange lump forming in his throat, his expression hardening as he pushed down all of his emotions, trying not to focus on the guilt and hurt churning inside his chest.

You signed the papers, just like he asked you to.

Simon forced himself to speak, clearing his throat loudly, "Shouldn't you be packing Fawn's stuff?"

"Fawn insisted on packing herself," you gave a half-shrug, "I said why not? It's good for her to learn it and have the harmless joy."

He couldn't help but give a rough scoff at that. You would spoil her too easily. Simon took a few steps, setting his hands down on the kitchen counter, his gaze fixed on your form.

"She'll end up forgetting somethin'. I better go help 'er." He spoke casually, intending to go to check on Fawn and help her pack But something made him hesitate, his gaze snapping back on you. It only made his chest and lungs squeeze tighter as he looked at your closed-off demeanor. His eyes zeroed in on your fingers typing lazily, a strange suffocating feeling overcame him as he tried to figure out how he should address the lack of the wedding band on your finger.

Should he pretend like everything is fine? Would you want to talk?

There was an unnatural suffocating silence that felt like an elephant in the room, a strange tension between the two of you that only made him want to hold his breath. The air was so thick and tense- so unlike the normal energy in the kitchen that was once filled with the smell of your delicious cooking and the squealing laughter of Fawn whenever Simon would occasionally rough house with you while the both of you shared the foot space to cook.

"...You took your ring off," Simon observed in a quiet, defeated tone.

what did he expect?

you stop your typing, your fingers ghosting over typing basic Python codes to your coworker, and you look down on instinct before clearing your throat. Your finger is empty. You will not admit that you took it off once you heard the news.

"Yeah, I did. It's next to the coffee maker if you want it back—oh, congratulations on your engagement." You hesitated before even saying those words. You never thought you would have to say to Simon. Your throat was dry, and your tongue burned at each syllable.

His heart dropped the instant your words registered in his head, his expression darkening even more than before as a harsh scoff escaped him, his hands clenching tightly into fists as he tried to ignore the sharp pain in his chest.

"What…" His jaw hardened, and a look of disbelief crossed his features, "Who the hell told you that?"

"Johnny already told me," You replied, twisting on the stool to look at him, still in your work blouse and office pants.

"Of course he did.." He muttered beneath his breath, shaking his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Bloody Soap.."

Simon took a deep breath and turned to look at you, his expression cold and hard, his gaze dark and icy. The mention of his engagement only made his fingers clench on the counter, and his gaze darkened as he heard your cold, dry tone. His eyes shifted towards the band next to the coffee maker, his mouth twisting into a frown at the lone ring he bought you all those years ago.

That ring had been on your finger for 7 years.

Now it lay lifeless on the counter.

How the tables have turned.

"...thanks." He muttered out quietly, before looking back down at the floor.

"yeah well, I would have found out even if Johnny didn't tell me. I would have seen the ring on you either way." You crossed your arms loosely with a small frown. You also won't mention you saw his fiancée's post about it.

He has an unreadable expression on his face as his shoulders straightened. "It would've been a hell of a lot more polite if I was the one who told you." He muttered lowly, his jaw clenching as he tried to keep his emotions in check. But the sight of you without the ring on your finger was eating away at him, like acid seeping into his skin. The mother of his child, divorced.

"You wouldn't tell me, I think that's why Johnny mentioned it...Fawn don't forget your toothbrush!" You called out, hearing her near the kitchen before bolting back down the hallway into the bathroom. You silently thank the universe for that interference.

A humorless scoff escaped him, shaking his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. Johnny knew you, he knew that you were the type to get pissed off at secrets and such. So he told you, thinking it would be easier to swallow for you. 'It's not.; Simon muttered in his head, gritting his teeth tightly as he tried to hold back his emotions.

"for the best, right?" You mumbled under your breath, looking up at him.

He could feel the pain and hurt in your gaze as you looked up at him, making his heart clench painfully the longer he looked at you.

Of course it's not for the best.

He wanted more than anything to pull you into his arms, to kiss you, tell you how he regrets ever saying something so stupid, how he wanted to take everything back.

But he didn't.

He couldn't. So all he said was a cold: "You tell me."

You didn't reply, just humming quietly in acknowledgment before Fawn's happy self came into the kitchen practically bouncing with excitement to spend time with her dad. Simon watched quietly as Fawn barreled into the room with her bag in one hand, her excitement radiating.

He tried not to let his emotions show on his face, masking it with a neutral expression as he looked over at his daughter. It was impossible to tell her parents were going through a divorce. She was still young of course, so it wasn't that surprising.

Simon just couldn't help but envy her innocence.

A bitter thought in his head made him hate himself even more.

He couldn't help but try to hold that small smile that formed at his eyes as he saw her excitement, "You 'ave everythin' you need?" The question was mainly directed at you, since you were the one that knew what she needed.

You beckoned Fawn over, kneeling before her. You softly grabbed her shoulders with an assuring smile.

"Hairbrush? Socks and shoes? Jacket? And toothbrush?"

He hovered in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest as he watched you check over Fawn, watching how gentle you were with her. Simon scoffed at this, shaking his head. "She's a mini version of you."

A pang of longing hit him, watching how you cared for her, his heart feeling heavy.

"Check, got all that," Fawn confirmed, nodding her head excitedly as her bright eyes lit up.

"Good, you did a good job packing all by yourself." You forced a smile Fawn would believe, smoothing her hair back. You were proud of her after all, doing big girl things all by herself.

A wave of dread washed over him, he couldn't fucking stand this; that he was the reason. "Monster." something meanly cackled in the back of his head. He felt like a bastard for even having you sign those papers without fighting for it, watching everything he once had slip out of his fingers.

Watching how you forced a smile instead of truly showing it to your own fucking daughter.

God, he was a jackass.

"Remember your manners, be good, and you can call me for anything at all, okay? Anything you need, hun." You murmured, giving her little cheek a kiss.

He watched the two of you interact, his chest feeling heavy and tight. Fawn nodded her head quickly with a bright smile, giving you a big hug before waving a little.

"Bye, momma." She said cutely before rushing over to her father and grabbing his hand, waving her free one out.

His expression hardened, his gaze snapping on you as you looked away, keeping up the happy mom façade for the sake of Fawn.

He hated seeing you like this, forced to pretend like everything was okay when it was far from that. How was it fair for you to be forced to pretend to be happy? It didn't sit right with him, it just didn't feel fair. He held his eyes on you a moment longer before looking down to hold Fawn's hand in his.

"C'mon now, let's get goin'." He murmured gruffly, trying to muster a small smile for his daughter.

The walk to the car was silent, Fawn skipping her way to the car, Simon walking beside with her little handheld in his, his expression unreadable and cold. He stopped by the backseat of the car, opening the door to let Fawn in as he looked to the passenger seat. Where you would sit. Where you will probably never sit again.

His mind warred with it, a scowl crossing his face. He wanted you in the passenger seat, just like you used to always sit in. He wanted the same routine every time he picked up Fawn from school.

But he couldn't have that.

Simon gritted his teeth, shoving those thoughts aside as he forced his expression back to a stoic one, watching as Fawn climbed into the backseat and buckled herself in. He slowly shut the door with a quiet click, looking to the front and climbed into the driver's seat. The car started, and Fawn waved happily behind the window as they drove off. Mentally, you cuss Simon out to drive safely for Fawn before turning back inside.

#ghost x reader #ao3 fanfic #keegan x reader #fanfic #call of duty #simon ghost riley #simon riley x you #simon riley #keegan russ #keegan x you #ao3 #cod mw2

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justagalwhowrites · 1 year ago

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Yearling - Ch. 6: Shoot

Ellie asks for help and Joel takes you shooting. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-5 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Past SA (vaguely described), past captivity, child loss. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 6.5k

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

It took until the door was closed and locked for the panic to kick in.

The force of it caught you off guard as you shoved the heavy cedar chest in front of the door and turned off the light in the entryway. It was like your mind had been holding it at bay until you were alone, your heart shooting off like a rocket the second you were, gulping down air, head swimming.

You made it to the kitchen and chugged a glass of water before opening a bottle of liquor with trembling fingers. You drank it straight from the bottle, wincing at the burn of it even though this was nothing new, and sank to your kitchen floor, pressing your head back against the cabinets as your arms clutched your knees to your chest.

He’d been so close to you, so fucking close, because you’d let him. You’d walked up to him, stood right in front of him, close enough that you could feel his body heat and smell his skin - he smelled like the coat did, just stronger, and you’d wanted to be closer to him - and it was the closest you’d been to a man because you’d chosen it in years.

And it was stupid. So stupid, so immensely stupid to be that close to him. It didn’t matter that Joel felt safe - or close to safe, anyway, you weren’t sure that anyone felt safe - he wasn’t. He couldn’t be.

You didn’t know a damn thing about the man beyond the fact that he brought you into Jackson, he was estranged from Ellie - the only friend here you had - and that he was big. Big enough that, if he backed you into a corner, you wouldn’t have a say. And you’d been right next to him. And you were going to go shooting with him tomorrow. Your stomach churned.

You drank more than you should have and moved to your living room, sitting against a speaker after you turned up the bass as high as you could go so you could feel the music inside you and drown out any sounds of your creaking house that set your whole body on edge.

Eventually, you knew you had to sleep. There was work to be done at the stables in the morning, you’d have to be alert to shoot with Joel and you hadn’t slept well the night before, either. You had to sleep.

So you went to bed.

When you’d moved into this house, you’d done things to make it livable. Not that it wasn’t comfortable - it was certainly that. And you’d gotten lucky in that there was an incredible stereo and music collection.

But the house was big. Three bedrooms, two of which you obviously didn’t need. Lots of windows - which were pretty but were also ways for people to get inside. The main bedroom was huge, with a vaulted ceiling and a king sized bed and it was too open for you to calm down enough to sleep in it. It took you just a day to drag one of the twin sized mattresses from one of the other bedrooms to the main floor and wedge it into the closet under the stairs. The space was small and enclosed, you could hear anything coming and going and it wouldn’t be the first place anyone would look for you if they tried to break in.

It had gotten better since you’d been in Jackson. You’d felt more secure over time, eventually moved into the main bedroom and slept in the big bed - usually piled high with pillows - but you still defaulted to the closet when things were rough.

It was going to be rough. You could feel it.

You did everything you could to head off the worst of it. You got changed but not into pajamas, into a clean set of jeans and the one thing you’d had for more than 20 years - Justin’s shirt from the night of the outbreak. It still brought you comfort, even in its threadbare state. You put the coat back on - the smell still calming even though the coat’s original owner is what had made you panicky to begin with. You even put on pair of shoes you never wore outside the house so you could feel something on your feet, something that made you feel like you’d be ready to run if you had to.

You tried to sleep and not think about life before Jackson, about what had you so afraid to begin with.

You failed.

October, 2025

It was fall. You thought it was, anyway. It had been a while - months? - since you’d been outside and they kept the windows covered in old newspaper. Just enough to let some light through but not enough for you to see outside. But you were cold a lot now, which meant it had to be cold outside.

It was hard to keep track of time, the only thing you really had to judge it by was when someone brought you food and water. That was twice a day. Besides the food drop offs, it had been at least three days since anyone had been to see you.

Which was fine by you, but it was to the point that you were getting nervous. They only ever left you on your own this long when they were gone and they were only ever gone this long when shit didn’t go well.

The main guys always went out on raids, leaving you and anyone else they were holding behind with a handful of low level muscle as security. Those pricks weren’t allowed to touch you, that much you knew. You belonged to Mitchum and him alone - though he was fine sharing you with the favorites of his band of assholes. But when shit didn’t go well, he took it out on you. And you were sure things weren’t going well.

It was shitty enough for you when things were going well. They kept you chained to the wall by an ankle but there was enough slack that you could move around parts of the room. You found ways to pass the time. You did a lot of pushups and squats to make sure you could actually use your body if you ever made it out of there. You scratched a pattern into the floor with your thumbnail, tiny little lines worn into the wood until your finger bled. You closed your eyes, crossed your arms and pressed guitar chords into the flesh of your bicep, hearing the song in your head. You tapped out music on the mattress on the floor - the one piece of furniture in the room - either pretending you were playing drums or a piano, depending on how much you felt like hitting something.

But mostly, you slept. Which didn’t help you differentiate the days and the weeks and the months and the seasons, either. You weren’t sure how long you’d been with them - a few years, at least. Definitely more than one winter, though it all blurred together now. Almost stubbornly surviving, much to your own frustration.

It wasn’t that you’d tried to live through it, not after the first escape attempt landed you chained to the wall and branded, nothing more than property that had wandered off like errant livestock on your father’s ranch. It was just that your body didn’t seem to want to let you die. After a while, you gave up trying to fight with it and instead tried to make it so you might be able to get out. It had been a struggle at first, you’d hardly moved in months, let pain and despair swallow you whole. But you kept at it, something in you trying to survive. You weren’t sure where it came from, what the fuck was left out there to try to live for, but you were stuck living for it all the same.

That, you were certain, was the only reason the raiders who had you had let you live as long as they had. Before they’d moved you to the camp you were at now, you’d shared a room with a rotating number of other women. They gave up so fast, either dying or going so numb that they didn’t respond and the men got bored. You envied them that, the ability to slip out of their body that way and just leave it behind. Instead, you were stuck here.

There was a creak outside your door and you lifted your head to watch as it opened, your whole body stiff.

“Hey, baby doll.”

Baby doll. When Justin had called you that, it had been sweet. Now it was tainted. And what an apt name for you. Wasn’t like you were anything more than a toy to them. Worse, even. Children, at least, took care of their dolls.

You dropped your head back onto the mattress. At least it was Cody. If you had to pick a favorite monster of the monsters you were with, it’d be him. He didn’t like hurting you, anyway. He liked it best if you pretended to enjoy it, which was more work than zoning out but better than Mitchum, who got off on making you cry and scream in pain. It was a low bar but you took what you could get.

“Hey,” you said, staring at the ceiling.

“Sorry we were gone so long,” you didn’t need to look at him to know he was getting undressed. “Shit went south, Mitchum got shot…”

Your head shot up off the mattress at that and he smirked as he pulled his shirt off.

“He’s still alive, don’t look so excited about it.”

“Oh.” You dropped your head back down.

“Sit up, take off the shirt,” he ordered and you obeyed, holding out your wrist when you were done. You knew the drill. He took the cuff from your ankle and put it around your wrist and pulled your pants off, leaving you naked and exposed. You didn’t wait for him to tell you what to do, lying flat on your back. He nudged your legs apart and dropped to his knees between them, running his fingers over you and moaning.

“You missed me,” he said. “I can tell.”

You just hummed and hoped he interpreted it the way he wanted to. He usually did. Your body went loose as he took what he wanted and you stared at the ceiling over his shoulder. He kissed you when he finished and started getting dressed again, leaving you naked and cold with him leaking out of you. You folded your hands over your stomach and pressed your thighs together. He gave you back your pants and you pulled them on before holding out your wrist again. He moved the cuff back to your ankle and handed you your shirt. You pulled it on and sat with your back against the wall, your knees against your chest, and sighed.

Cody liked to talk after. As though you were friends or lovers and you weren’t enslaved by his boss. He sat next to you, back against the wall, too. He took a deep, slow breath.

“I think I can get you out.”

You looked at him so fast that your hair snagged on the rough wood of the wall behind you.

“What?” You asked, frowning.

“I think I can get you out,” he said again.

You just blinked at him for a moment, not fully processing what he said.

“It’s not right,” he shook his head. “What they… what we do to you. It’s not, I know it’s not and… Look, it might not seem like it but I do care about you. And I think I can get you out of here. If you can trust me. Can you trust me?”

You looked at him for a second, tried to touch some part of you that knew how to connect with another person. You weren’t sure that part of you still existed.

Instead, you thought of the worst case scenario. If it was a lie and he told Mitchum of your misdeeds or his plan failed, it likely wouldn’t get you much worse treatment than you already got. Or it would just get you killed, which had its own appeal. But getting out, having a life and a body that was your own again, being able to look for…

“I can trust you,” you said quickly. “I’ll trust you. Just tell me what to do.”

You got to the stables far earlier than you needed to be there. You’d hardly slept, phantom hands everywhere on your body every time you drifted off. The brand on your hip itched. Eventually, you gave up. At least the horses were good company, their bodies large and warm and safe.

Animals you could trust. Yes, they might get you killed but it was never out of cruelty. They weren’t capable of that, not like humans. With so many people, the cruelty was the point of it all, the longing to rip and tear and unmake whatever they could reach just to prove their own power. Animals didn’t bother with that shit.

You let yourself get lost in the work of getting the stables ready for the day and saddling up a handful of horses to go out on a small morning patrol that would be back in the evening. You rushed through the process of getting the horses out of the stable. It was too many people, they were too close, it made your skin crawl and your stomach turn but you had to get through it. When the patrol was gone, you got into Renaissance’s stall with her and pressed yourself against her side, listening to the thick, heavy sound of her heartbeat until you felt like you could breathe again.

For a bit, you thought you were feeling close to normal. Until a clear, loud voice called through the stable in the late morning.

“Bambi, I’m desperate!”

You about jumped out of your skin, spinning to face the source of the sound, your heart in your throat. Ellie rolled her eyes.

“When are you going to remember that I don’t bite?” She asked, dropping her bag next to Shimmer’s stall and perching on the half wall that separated the horse from the rest of the stable.

“When I start believin’ that you don’t,” you said, setting the bucket you’d been holding down as your heart rate tried to return to normal. “What’s got you desperate, kid?”

“I’m going to start this by saying I don’t expect you to actually know this,” she said. “But… I have basically no one else to ask so… do you know how to dance?”

You blinked for a second, taken aback.

“Dance.”

“Yeah,” she winced. “Look, I don’t think you’ll know but there’s that dance next weekend and I was thinking about maybe seeing if I could go with someone and I don’t want to be a total fucking dumbass out there and I’m sure you don’t…”

“I know how to dance, kid,” you laughed a little as Ellie’s eyes went wide.

“Wait, for real?” She asked.

“For real,” you nodded. “It’s been a while since I had to use any of that shit but it was drilled into me pretty hard when I was about your age…”

“What the fuck for?” She gaped at you. You laughed.

“My mama was what some might call a ‘society lady,’” you put the words in air quotes.

“The fuck is that?”

“Someone who is way too concerned with wealth and social status,” you smiled a little. “So she made me do cotillion when I turned 16…”

“OK what the fuck is a cotillion?” Ellie asked. “I didn’t expect a vocabulary lesson here…”

“A cotillion is where stuck up assholes introduce their daughters to the society world as glorified breeding stock,” you said. She looked surprised and like she was about to ask another question but you cut her off. “Sorry, that might be a little extreme… it’s a fancy party where, back in the olden days, girls formally entered society and boys could then try to court them to marry them. By the time I did it, it was a stuffy party for rich assholes with no real purpose. But there’s a dance and so I had to take dance lessons for months.”

“So you like… wore a dress and shit.”

“I wore a dress and shit. A white one. It looked a little like a wedding dress, actually.”

“I can’t picture you in a dress,” Ellie crinkled her nose. “That’s just unnatural.”

“Kid, my mama put me in beauty pageants when I was real little,” you said. “I got my hair done, glitter on my eyelids, wore a bright fuckin’ purple dress…”

“Aw man!” She pouted a little. “See, now the worst thing about the outbreak is that there’s no way to get pictures of you dressed up liked that…”

You laughed and jerked your head at her.

“Hop on down,” you said. “C’mon, I’ll show you how to waltz. It’s the easiest dance.”

She obeyed and you pointed for her to stand a few feet to your right.

“You planning to lead or follow?” You asked. “Usually the boy leads but that’s bullshit, you can lead if you want. Don’t even have to dance with a boy.”

“If no one else knows how, I’d have to lead, right?” She frowned. “Shit, I didn’t think about that…”

“It’s OK,” you said. “Waltz is in 3/4 time, you know what a time signature is?”

“I’m not stupid,” she rolled her eyes.

“OK,” you smiled a little and tried not to laugh. “Well, it’s real easy, alright? If you’re leading, you start feet together. Then, take a step forward on your left foot,” you demonstrated and Ellie followed suit. “Then step to the side on your right, bringing your foot up so it’s about parallel.” Ellie copied that, too. “Then just bring your left foot in to meet the right so your feet are back together. Then you just do it again but leading with your right foot and you go back and forth between the two.”

“That’s it?” Ellie looked at you, incredulous.

You laughed.

“That’s the steps of it, yeah,” you said. “But there’s hand placement and shit and then the rise and fall that you do as you’re moving and shit. It’s not hard but it takes practice before it’s second nature which is what you want it to be.” You planted your feet again and Ellie copied you. “Alright, let’s do it again, a few times.”

You counted and led the way. Her steps stuttered a bit at first, especially when she forgot what foot she was supposed to be leading with, but it wasn’t long before it was all flowing together.

“See?” You smiled. “You got there.”

“Can I try it like… with you?” She winced as she asked it. You just stared at her for a second. “It’s got to be different with a person, right? Please?”

Your chest was tight. Dancing with someone meant touching them. But it was just Ellie, your friend who sometimes felt a little like a daughter. She wasn’t a threat. And you wanted to be able to touch her without it hurting, be able to hug her hello and goodbye or reassure her.

“Yeah,” you said. “Yeah, OK.”

You turned to face her and forced yourself to ignore the alarm bells ringing in your body that there was a person and they were too close to be safe.

“So if you’re leading, your left hand goes up, about eye level,” you took her wrist and raised her hand, arranging her arm. “And your partner’s right hand goes on your left.” You put your hand on hers, your stomach tight. “Then your right hand will come around and go on my left shoulder blade…” Ellie obeyed. The fact that her hands were small was reassuring, keeping you from panicking too much. She wasn’t going to hurt you. You repeated it to yourself in your head again and again. “And your partner’s left hand will go on top of your shoulder and their arm will kinda cover yours, like this.” You set your hand on Ellie’s shoulder and she nodded, a serious look on her face. You relaxed a little bit more. It was Ellie. You could trust Ellie. “You lead and I’ll follow.”

“What’s that mean?” She frowned, looking down at your feet.

“Means I’ll be the one goin’ backward and you’re gonna be the one pointin’ me in the right direction,” you said. “Don’t worry about me, when I learned girls all had to follow so it’s what I know best anyhow. You go when you’re ready.”

She nodded and took a deep breath before stepping forward and you followed her lead. She only stuttered once this time, when she forgot what foot was supposed to lead next, and before long she was smiling as she confidently waltzed through the stable. You showed her how to time the rise and fall and she was giggling - actually giggling, in a way that you’d never heard her do before, in a way that seemed like a teenaged girl should - when someone cleared their throat behind you.

Your body reacted before your brain did, jumping between Ellie and the perceived threat, your arms flying behind you to cage her in and keep track of where she was, shielding her from whoever it was who just came in.

Joel put his hands up, a rifle over his shoulder, frozen where he stood.

“Sorry,” he said, voice gentle. “Didn’t mean to scare ya.” He leaned a little, trying to see around you. “Hey kiddo. Not sure what you were doing but it looked real good…”

You relaxed a bit, your arms falling back to your sides. Ellie came and stood alongside you, her eyes narrowed.

“Bambi was teaching me how to dance,” she said. “A waltz.”

“Don’t know much about dancing,” he said. “But it looked like you were getting the hang of it…”

“Yeah, well…” she just stood there for a second before she turned to hug you, catching you off guard. “Thanks for the lesson.” You froze for a second before you slowly, cautiously, hugged her back.

“No problem.”

She pulled away from you and got her bag, brushing past Joel on her way out. He watched her go before he turned back to you.

“I really didn’t mean to scare you,” he said after a second.

“I’m just real jumpy today.”

“Right,” he nodded for a second, his hands in his pockets. “Ready to go shoot?”

You looked at him for a second, your heart pounding against your ribs, tension running through your body. You weren’t sure if you wanted to run from him or run to him and you were rooted to the ground with the fear of it.

“Ready.”

***

Something had you on edge today.

Not that Joel was going to pretend that he knew you well. He didn’t. He’d just spent half the night staring at his ceiling going back over every part of his conversation with you the day before. He’d memorized you like you were his favorite song or passage in a book, turning you over and over again in his mind and he knew - viscerally, intimately - that something had you scared today.

You were back in that threadbare oversized shirt. The one he’d found you in, the one you’d worn when the council had given you the stable job. You hardly looked at him as you saddled up your horse and you kept your eyes almost stubbornly focused on the street in front of you as the two of you made your way out of town.

“Can I have a gun?” You asked as you neared the gate, looking at Joel for the first time since Ellie had left.

“When we get to the range,” he shrugged.

“I mean now,” you said. “Going outside… I’d feel better if I were armed.”

Joel frowned for a second. He wanted to believe that leaving Jackson was all the problem was but something told him that it wasn’t.

“Here,” he pulled the pistol from the holster at his side and held it out to you. You reached forward, cautious and slow at first and then quick to snatch the weapon from him, settling back on Renaissance quickly. You checked the safety and tucked it in the back of the waistband of your jeans.

“Thanks.”

He watched you out of the corner of his eye. He tried to write it off as what he should be doing. He was, after all, out here to evaluate whether or not you’d be able to handle going on patrol. He was supposed to be watching you, keeping tabs on you.

But that’s not why he was doing it.

Something was off with you and he was desperate to know why. To try to help you with it because he wanted to carry some burden for you. For himself, too. Because it seemed like the odd draw he felt for you didn’t lessen after he spent time with you. No, it just grew, already to the point that he wasn’t sure what to do with it all. All of this wanting had to go somewhere and you were the only place for it.

“You OK, Bambi?” He asked after the two of you had been riding for a few minutes, the sound of the town now quiet behind you. You frowned and looked at him. “Just seem… off.”

You watched him for a moment.

“Different from yesterday, I mean,” he said after he couldn’t take not saying something, needing to fill the silence.

“I’m fine,” you said eventually before you shook your head slightly, like you were trying to clear your mind. “Actually, would you mind if I opened ‘er up? Been a long time since I got to really run on a horse for a bit. At least, when I wasn’t trying to bleed out, anyway. I’ll circle back around to you, won’t go anywhere…”

“Don’t need my permission,” he smiled a little.

You smiled a little back and adjusted your grip on the reins before nudging Renaissance forward. Joel watched as you took her into a trot, then a canter and eventually guided her into a gallop, your body moving with the horse’s in perfect rhythm.

He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen anything quite like it. Joel spent a lot of time with horses before making it to the QZ in Boston, plenty more since he’d come to Jackson. When he rode - when the people he worked with rode, too - the animal was a tool. Something that required care and had wants and needs but was a means to an end.

You were different.

You and Renaissance moved as one, anticipating each other’s actions

You couldn’t move like that with something that wasn’t an extension of you, something that you didn’t deeply know and understand. Almost like you were more an animal than you were a human being, the things you found kinship with wild and other.

Joel understood that. Knew what it was like to feel so outside the thing you’d been born as. He’d been like that, too, for a while. More than a third of his life, really. The 20 years since the death of his daughter until he met Ellie were dark. He wasn’t sure what he was then but, if you’d asked him to identify what made him a person, he wouldn’t have been able to tell you. In many ways, he felt like he had more in common with the bodies he burned in the QZ than he did with the people living in it. He’d been a person once, like those corpses. But that humanity had died with his daughter, he’d left himself behind with her body. Part of him wondered if he’d done it on purpose, so Sarah wouldn’t be alone. He’d have cut out his heart if it would have helped her, pried it out of his ribs with his own hands and offered it to her. It seemed small, abandoning something like himself when he’d lost something so monumentally huge.

For years, he’d tried to take it out on whatever other person he seemed to come into contact with, hurting and taking what and when he wanted to. He wasn’t proud of that time. The QZ was different. He found someone else who was a ghost like him and they moved in tandem, scratching out a corner of existence that wasn’t meant for the people who could still take full breaths and feel something beyond their flesh. But it wasn’t human. It was other.

You were other, too. But he didn’t think you’d left your humanity the way he had. He was able to find it again, to pick it back up after it was carried back to him in the form of a spitfire of a girl that he couldn’t deny even if he wanted to. Yours seemed stolen. The way you hung on the edges of Jackson with nothing to tether you to the place showed that you wanted it back. You were searching for it. You just weren’t sure where to find it.

You looped around Joel’s horse, coming close enough to him that he could properly see your face as you rode and he caught a glimpse of your eyes as you passed. They were soft and open and deep, without the sharp protection that usually guarded your gaze. You were free like this, found something close to yourself again on the back of a horse that was allowed to run.

Eventually, you rode back alongside Joel and slowed to match his easy pace, leaning forward on your mount, draping your arms around her neck and sighing contentedly, your cheek pressed against her mane.

“Sorry,” you said, still leaning over the horse, watching him now. “It’s just…”

“It’s OK,” he said, watching you back. You looked a little more like yourself now. Or who he’d seen you to be, anyway.

You sat up and gave Renaissance a scratch. She chuffed and bobbed her head happily in response.

“So,” you looked straight ahead again. “How’s this work?”

“Shooting range ain’t far,” he said, nodding toward it. “Go there, see how you do with the rounds we got, I report back.”

“It’s just target shooting then?” You asked, looking over at him again. Your eyes were closed off again. “Not like… I dunno, some obstacle course shit or something?”

“No,” Joel laughed a little. “No, nothin’ that difficult. But we’ll see how you do with the rifle and the handgun, you’ll probably need to use both at some point.”

“And you gotta test it out because you think I managed to survive the apocalypse for 20 years without knowin’ how to use a gun?”

Joel laughed once.

“Figure you know how to use a gun,” he said. “But not like I know shit about how you survived, Bambi. Haven’t told me. You can if you want…”

“I’d rather not,” you cut him off, looking straight ahead again.

It was quiet again for a few minutes before he glanced your way.

“What part of Texas you from?” He asked. You frowned, your brows knitting together.

“How’d you know?”

“Accent,” he replied. “I know what home sounds like and I know you spotted me as a Texan already.”

“Yeah,” you smirked a little. “I did. About an hour west of Fort Worth, near Mineral Wells. My daddy had a ranch out there. You?”

“Arlington, originally,” he said. “Austin, eventually.”

You nodded slowly.

“Miss it?” You asked.

“Miss a lot about what shit used to be,” Joel said after a moment.

“Well yeah,” you rolled your eyes. “We all fuckin’ do. But I mean anything about the place in particular, not what humans made it be. Like this time of year, I always look for blue bonnets to start croppin’ up. Don’t matter that I haven’t seen a fuckin’ blue bonnet in almost 25 years, that’s what I look for. I miss that.”

“Damn,” Joel shook his head. “Haven’t thought about blue bonnets in… Fuck, decades.”

“The shit you forget,” you said.

He led you to the shooting range and handed you the rifle.

“You can shoot the targets however you’re comfortable,” he said. “Just get set and let me know when you’re ready.”

“What percentage are you lookin’ for here?” You asked as you got down with the rifle, setting it atop the fallen tree that Joel used when he practiced out here.

“Better than 60,” he said. “Don’t have to hit every target, Bambi.”

You nodded once and got set with the rifle. Joel gave you this much, you knew how to set up the shot at least. You probably hadn’t learned on the fly after the outbreak, he realized, you’d been taught.

“First few are gonna be shit until I get used to the sights,” you warned. You started shooting then, starting with just one and taking a moment to adjust before firing the next shot. You were at least hitting the outer edge of the targets. He’d seen worse.

After the first four, you glanced over at him.

“Now if they’re shit it’s on me.”

“Fire away,” he smiled a little.

You obeyed, shooting faster this time. You were a good shot, missing only every fourth shot or so, plenty good enough to be added to the rotation for patrols. But you frowned as you sat up.

“I’m rusty,” you said, handing the gun back to Joel as you got to your feet. “Used to be better.”

“Did great,” he said, taking the weapon from you and slinging it on his back. “Anyone patrolling with you will be lucky to have you with ‘em.”

You shot a little worse with the hand gun, getting closer to the 60% mark but still passing. You flinched every time a bullet missed the target.

“Always more of a sawed off shotgun girl,” you said, shaking your head after you exhausted the magazine. “Don’t got a lot of practice with a gun like this.”

“Hopefully you won’t need one,” Joel said. “Most of the shit we take out on patrol is long range, bein’ good with a rifle is the more important skill, anyway.”

“Well that’s good at least,” you sighed, tucking the handgun away again. “Rather not get my ass handed to me while on patrol because I couldn’t get a fuckin’ shot off.”

Joel smiled a little.

“Don’t think you need to be all that worried about that.”

The ride back to Jackson was quiet but Joel caught you out of the corner of his eye looking like you were about to say something before you seemed to think better of it.

He wished you’d say it.

“How’d you learn to shoot?” He asked after you opened and then closed your moth for the fifth time.

“My dad,” you said. “Grew up on a ranch and that means a lot of risks, animals that go after livestock so it’s good to know how to take them out. Plus I think he was convinced I’d always have a gun on me in case I ran into some boy who couldn’t keep his hands to himself…”

“A father’s dream,” Joel smiled a little.

You laughed.

“Only ever used it for that once,” you said. “And the pest control turned a little different after the outbreak. But it’s good he taught me. I’d probably have dropped dead a lot sooner if he hadn’t. How about you?”

“My dad, too,” he replied. “Went hunting with him when I was a kid. Then, after the outbreak, Tommy helped me get better. He was in the army, so…”

You just nodded slowly.

“It was nice of you,” he said after you’d been quiet for a bit again. “To teach Ellie to dance. Lord knows I’d have been useless…”

“She’s…” You paused, a distant look on your face for a moment before you shook your head slightly. “She’s a good kid. Got a hell of a mouth on her, though.”

“Yeah,” Joel laughed. “Yeah, she’s definitely got that.”

Joel found himself wanting to linger in the stables after returning with you but Tommy got to him quickly, wanting help with a building project, so he said his polite goodbyes to you, expecting that to be the last time he saw you that day.

But he was wrong.

It was dusk and he was reading on his couch when Joel heard his porch squeak. He frowned as there was a soft, hesitant knock. You were there when he opened the door but you weren’t on his porch. Instead, you were standing on his front walk, your hands in your pockets, looking up at him. He came out and leaned against the railing of his porch.

“Bambi,” he said, giving you a small nod. “Can I help you with…”

“I’m sorry,” you said quickly, closing your eyes and shaking your head. “I wanted to… I thought I could… I can’t, though. Sorry I bothered you, I…”

You turned and walked so quickly away you were practically sprinting. Joel frowned, closing his door and following you, running for a moment to catch up, his hand taking your elbow without thinking. You yanked it back as though he’d burned you.

“Don’t touch me,” your eyes were wide again.

He stepped back quickly.

“Sorry,” he said. “Not trying to… Are you OK?”

“Fine,” you replied. “Just… Changed my mind. Goin’ home.”

“Changed your mind about what?” He asked, still walking alongside you.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Bambi…”

“I wanted to borrow your damn guitar, OK?” You snapped, stopping in the street and turning to face him. Your hands were in the back pockets of your jeans. “But I had a shit night and I can’t… I thought I could but bein’ on your porch was different and I freaked out because I’m nuts, alright? So just leave it.”

You turned to leave but he put his hands in his pockets, too.

“Not nuts,” he said gently. “You can change your mind about whatever you want with me. Really. S’OK.”

You looked at his shoes and he felt it again, the drive to want to touch you, hold you, take your problems into himself so you weren’t carrying them on your own anymore.

“I’m trying,” you said quietly. “With this whole place, I really am, I just…”

Your voice trailed off and you kicked a patch of dirt in the road.

“Don’t have to try with me if you don’t want,” he said. Your eyes came up from the ground and met his. “Don’t need you to try, just need you to be. OK sweetheart?”

He hadn’t meant to call you that. Fuck, why had he called you that?

Your eyes drifted to his lips for a moment before going back to meet his own.

“OK.” Next Chapter

A/N: Bambi is making progress, I promise! And she is going to get a guitar in her hands soon. She'll talk herself into it eventually.

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#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #yearling #slow burn

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faeriekit · 2 years ago

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Works archived on Faeriekit’s AO3 page:

Links included! 🖱

DCU/DCU Crossovers:

Blister Pack: Completed.

Danny Phantom x Young Justice(ish) prompt fill from @stealingyourbones and @mikami1992 on tumblr: What if the Kryptonian cloning process required a little more refinement than simply adding human DNA? (Conner-centric.) Archived.

Quiet Respite: No set update schedule.

Teen romance Cass Cain x Peter Parker, loosely inspired by the Dark Matter premise. Batgirl!Cass finds a spider-thief loose in Gotham. Peter is introduced to a friend’s quiet sister. Neither are not all that they seem.

Dig Three Graves in Apartment 31c: Completed

Danny Phantom x Batman prompt fill. Danny, in the role of Willis Todd. Angst/Not a lot of Comfort. Originally posted on tumblr. Archived

Catching Stars and Comets: No set update schedule

Prompt fill, but like...my own prompt. “Reverse Robins AU but instead of making Damien oldest and going down the line so on and so forth, it’s a bunch of assembled weird vigilante-crime men and their accidentally adopted autistic eight year old rich boy, Bruce, who calls himself ‘batkid’ for reasons beyond their mutual understanding of expected kid behavior.” (Batkid!AU) Originally posted on tumblr. Archived.

The Haunting of Drake Manor: No set update schedule.

Batman x Danny Phantom prompt fill. "Tim, as a kid, wishes for a new mom. Desiree didn't know her wishes could turn against HER, of all people. However, Tim's wish had turned her into something resembling a human form and now she felt obligated to take care of the little guy." Angst, Found Family (sorta), and shenanigans. Posting primarily on tumblr.

The Health and Wellbeing of Hybrid Entities: No set update schedule.

Danny Phantom x DCU Crossover. “Adrift in an unknown space, his transportation lost, his body a wreck, and only half-conscious, Danny has to find himself somewhere safe to recover.Now, if only he can convince the locals to leave him alone while he does... [A mashup between a cryptid!Danny, presumed-alien!Danny, dp x dc, and whatever prompt made the one body horror meat grinder fic.]”

The Foster Mother: Completed

Danny Phantom x DCU Crossover. “Tim wasn't waiting for anyone to call on him at Wayne Manor. His parents were dead. The investors already knew he had nothing to offer them. The gawkers and gossips had already wrung every sordid detail about his parent's deaths out of him; but there was someone waiting for him in the sitting room downstairs. Someone had already come all this way, just to ask for Timothy Drake. Tim wasn't all that excited to find out who the caller would be. (Or: Jazz Fenton packs a bag, and goes to find a child she used to know.)“

Dead Man Walking: Completed.

Danny Phantom x Batman crossover. Talons!AU. “None of this was Danny's problem— and he's determined to keep it that way, no matter what the cops, the weird dude in full-on themed body armor, or the secret society of rich people hiding in the sewers of Gotham had to say. If he wasn't getting paid for over time and he wasn't not on the clock, then what was he supposed to do about it?? Or: Talons, Talons, everywhere, and nary a living Mortician around to clean them up.” Archived.

The 43rd Annual Gotham Academy Bake Sale: Completed.

Danny Phantom x Batman Crossover. Frostbite-centric. "Bruce meets a new parent at the Gotham Academy Bake Sale. He's, well... He's very tall." Archived.

Patchwork Memories: Completed.

Danny Phantom x Batman prompt fill. (I'm paraphrasing the original post here) A younger Danny is a clone of Jason Todd, and is deeply interested in finding family that has yet to reject or experiment on him, and tries to Bond. Dick is mourning a brother he never spent time getting to know, and doesn't need the constant reminder. Originally posted to tumblr. Archived.

The Firstborn Son: Completed

Danny Phantom x Batman. “Danny Phantom, a somewhat established ruler of the Ghost Zone, has unwittingly acquired a baby. And. Well. He can't exactly keep it in Pariah's Keep. It would be convenient to have the baby's other parent take care of it...assuming that the man is entirely innocent of the plan to sell their offspring for immortality. There has to be a way to prove that the man is safer than the home the baby comes from. But the man has his own ward. Hm. Danny can exploit this. What's an assessment without a little test?”

Lazy Sunday: Completed

Danny Phantom x Batman. “Jason Todd does not have a boyfriend. He has a dom, because vulnerability is for chumps and Jason's playing it to win. It doesn't matter that Foley likes picking soft clothes for him, or eating breakfast together, or sharing chores— look, he's only here to get hypnotized straight out of his trauma-induced cycle of self-punishment, okay?? The blow jobs are just necessary to hit that end goal! That's all!” E rated Tucker/Jason Domestic Hypnokink smut. Archived.

Anger Management: Completed

Danny Phantom x Batman. “Jazzmine Fenton is her parents' daughter. She is going to rehabilitate this lingering specter and make him safe to human society, even if it kills him. (Again.) Jason is, like any red-blooded American man facing down a gorgeous redhead, entirely into that. He never wants another therapist in his afterlife ever again.” Somehow both Dead Dove/E Rated and also a family reconciliation fic. Originally posted to tumblr for Halloween. Archived. Check the warnings before reading.

Given Flesh and Form: Completed.

Danny Phantom x Batman. "When Bruce is stuck in time with no way out, there are faster ways to get results than to chase clues all across the seven continents...and it's not like Tim needs complete body autonomy anyway. So what if he agrees to host a budding baby royal ghost until it can form a new body? That's, like, what, under a year's worth of taking it easy? In exchange for his adoptive Dad's life? No contest. Tim strikes a deal with the King of All Ghosts and doesn't regret it for a second. Meanwhile. Tim's family is certain that something is wrong...but what?" Archived.

Bee Stuff 🐝 (What is Apiary Genders?):

Concept Fic: Completed. (DC/YJ)

"Tim goes to space. Tim comes back from space. ...Tim does not come back from space unchanged. On the other hand, this isn't...the worst...? It would be great if his teammates could stop laughing, though. It sort of makes asking everyone to move in with him more embarrassing than it has to be. The constant quoting of the pamphlets isn't necessary either."

DPxDC tumblr fills: No continuation

Shared Custody (Tucker/Sam/Danny ghost pregnancy. Weirder than it sounds, actually)

Auto-Parentification (and other half-assed wish fulfillment scenarios) [Villain!Tim/Danny tangle with time, Robin!Tim, and appropriate childhood milestones]

A Bed, a Breakfast, and a Pending Paternity Test (Jazz&Danny are half alien, and Dick gets a clone scare)

Danny Phantom:

Monster in the Closet: No set collaboration schedule.

Danny finds Dani alone and injured...in perhaps the most conspicuous setting possible. Reasonably, he loses his shit. The school staff struggles to provide what care they can to an increasingly hostile, increasingly inhuman teenage student.

A Visitation: Completed (?)

Gray Ghost, Demon!AU. Valerie grapples with hiding her demon hunting from her boyfriend...but her dual-natured boyfriend always knows where she’s gone. Explicit. Check the warnings before reading.

Faer’s 2024 Phic Phight Fills (Danny Phantom One Shots) can be found here.

Percy Jackson:

Trade of Trickery: MIA

Sometimes change is wrought by divine intervention. Sometimes change is wrought by Sally Jackson, winner of Mom Of The Year for over a decade, new devotee to Hermes, and apartment complex manager. She is singlehandedly going to right the world for the sake of her son, or die trying.

Perseus Jackson, God of the Shrimps: Completed.

Simultaneously a crack!fic, a discord meme, a Creole!Percy fic, and a Texan!Annabeth fic. Really.

Kids on Pegasi: Completed. Awaiting further beta-testing.

TTRPG adaptation of the Kids on Brooms/Kids on Bikes system by Renegade Games, modified for Percy-Jackson-themed play. Screen-reader accessible version is provided. Links to free materials from both systems provided. Not a fic.

#faer winds #2212 #ao3 #faer fic

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dapg-otmebytheballs · 4 months ago

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I hardly ever go on twt (it's too open it's too exposed it's too algorithmcally driven nowadays, it's not my thing) but ofc as many others have pointed out, that kinda dogpiling and harassment over anything that's not meeting a purity standard is not exclusive to twt, it happens a ton on tumblr too. I don't say this in defence of twt (bc I don't have a horse in that race anyway) but more to explain why I say anything about this stuff happening on another platform: I don't want to get complacent. I don't want to act like it's something we are unaffected by here, I have seen people driven off, harassed, doxxed, gossip about them spread through public and private channels, all over some random fics or posts that didn't pass a purity standard (or often because of some personal conflict which people dogpiled on and used vague accusations to weaponise against someone they had personal beef with, that's also common enough)

On twt of course rage bait and seeking engagement means something more than it does here because of algorithm reasons, but even so we should know not to tolerate dogpiling, not to tolerate doxxing, not to tolerate harassment campaigns because that's not something tumblr is free of. DnP have never minded fic of themselves we know that already. Hey have read and joked around with smutty fic about them, they have outright seriously said that they don't mind the fic. They are also as of late using quite sexually charged language in their videos let's be real. As someone else pointed out, anyone who is still watching dnp is being exposed to nsfw language like that already. Anyone who is uncomfortable with talk and content that's nsfw in any particular way has the responsibility themselves to not engage.

Every space every person every blog and account is not going to be minor friendly sfw, that's just how it is, and we shouldn't expect people to take responsibility for other people who might see their stuff. If minors are entering spaces that host adult content be it any social media site or youtube or ao3 or whatever, it's up to minors (or their guardians) to keep away from content that could be bothersome by blocking tags and people or filtering content. But that doesn't make it the responsibility of every adult just living their adult lives to never say anything nsfw bc some minor might see it bc that's just ceding ground to the "keep every part of the internet child safe and family friendly" kind of shit social media sites have been pulling which both 1) makes the waters murky and makes spaces much more dangerous for minors and 2) in practice is only used to get rid of queer shit as we have seen on tumblr

When discourse starts up anywhere it's gonna have people think on it at least and form opinions and share ideas, and I only bring this up because I hope we can keep away from repeating harmful ideas, and especially from causing hurt and harm to others in the community just because we didn't ike something they wrote or said.

Tldr: Dogpiling and harassment does happen on Tumblr also and should never be seen as acceptable. DnP have never minded fic. "Think of the children" rhetoric is harmful. And a side note: 'porn addiction' is not real it's pseudoscience

#maybe an unnecessary post but I wanted to have all my thoughts on this in one place #bc I'm not here to be like 'ugh twt bad tumblr good' i just want us to keep away from harmful rhetoric #which v much is present on tumblr also #dnp

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hereforthefanficsandromance · 9 months ago

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The Way He Looks at You Series

Valentine's Day Bonus Content: Festival of Love III: Need

Read on AO3 Read on Blogger Read on Tumblr Story Master List: The Way He Looks at You Series

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Chapter Summary

You and Cal work together to deal with the effects of the drug. Rating: 18+ Words: 3.5K

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The kiss is hot; tongues sliding past one another, desperate to taste and feel every inch of the other’s mouth. Finally, touching her like this, my overwhelmed lower body humps the space between her legs. I can’t help myself. She is equally eager and kisses me with more ferocity than she had before the accident.

I pull away from her lips, trailing messy kisses down her neck. She rewards my efforts with small moans, her fingers raking through my scalp, desperate to hold me near. I pin her against the wall with my body, releasing one hand from her thighs to unbutton my pants. I need to get inside of her, to stake my claim on her body and remind her of how she used to yearn for my touch.

It’s not how I imagined us getting back together, but it’s inconsequential. She stiffens before moving her hands to press against my chest, pushing me away. My stomach drops, realizing that this is likely a preview of my inability to win her back past today.

I pull back, allowing her bare feet to touch back onto the soft carpet. A frown on my face as I look at her. I touch my hands gently to her exposed arms, hoping to console her, and bring her back to wanting me.

She stares at my chest. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.”

I repress the building hurt and rage. “Don’t ever apologize for touching me.”

She meets my gaze, her eyes filled with regret and lust. My heart breaks, knowing she is not mine, that she still belongs to a man who cast her aside.

Her hands continue to push against me, requiring I step back to appease her. “I’m so sorry. I just have to… This is not happening. I gotta go.”

She pulls away, turning towards our bedroom, my fingers lingering on her arm as she steps out of reach. “No, I’m sorry I shouldn-”

She doesn’t turn back, slipping through the open door and closing it to escape me. My eyes close as I stand where she left me, coming to terms with my failure.

I take a few steps backwards until I am leaning against the opposite wall that I had pinned her against. My body feels heavy, or perhaps it’s just my heart. Either way, I allow gravity to overtake me, sliding down the wall until I am seated at its base.

It’s time to release her since it is clear we cannot rebuild. She’ll return to the Rebellion, to the Jedi. My enemy will train my son; perhaps for the best, at least my child will not face the devastation of the Dark Side.

I imagine her life, watching her hold my son, perhaps pregnant with another of the Jedi’s children, fighting against the Empire, growing old. Without me. While I sit in this tower, knowing she exists but refusing to act on the knowledge of new Force users. Likely being executed to protect her.

She’ll never know the extent of my love for her, the extent of how she changed me. How she comes into the lives of others and improves them. If I cannot give her that appreciation, I hope the Jedi figures it out and worships her as she deserves.

A few tears fall from my eyes, dropping and disappearing into the dense black material of my pants. Despite the pain I feel, I remain hard; the drug working relentlessly to keep me in this needy state.

I rise to my feet, knowing what I must do, preparing to tell her the truth about our meal. We’ll get through the effect of today separately and I’ll write myself a note explaining what happened today and that it’s time to let her go. Tomorrow I’ll ensure she safely leave Coruscant.

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You’re in the bathroom, staring in horror at your reflection, when you hear a knock at the door. You don’t immediately answer, not wanting to face the consequences of your actions. What you did is wrong, despite how good Cal looks. You aren’t sure what your relationship is with Theo, if Cal is telling the truth.

Cal knocks again. “Hey, I’m really sorry. I should have told you sooner.”

“What?”

He sighs. “I didn’t realize it at the time, but I think the Chak juice was tampered with during transport. I looked it up after I began feeling, uh, horny.”

Your mouth drops open at his crude words and confession. The pieces fall into place on why you’ve been so willing to touch and kiss Cal. Part of you feels better knowing it’s not your fault.

“There have been other cases of it being laced with a sex pollen, of sorts. I’m really sorry, I should have told you once I found out. I was worried you would think I had done it on purpose.”

You feel suspicious; you know how badly Cal wants you, maybe he orchestrated everything to trick you into fucking him. Eyes narrowing at the closed door, assuming the worst intentions of the man behind it. You say nothing, allowing him to dig his own grave.

“Look, I’m going to give you space to do what you need to do to take care of any urges the drug may have caused. The bedroom is yours. I’ll be locking myself away in my office. If you need anything, just knock. Again, I’m really sorry, I didn’t want to trick you, I just wanted to give you something special. I understand if you’re mad.”

His voice and willingness to leave you alone doesn’t align with your suspicions; perhaps he’s telling the truth. He could easily take advantage of you today, but he isn’t. He could have forced himself on you in the hall, but he released you the moment you pushed him away. Cal has never crossed a line on purpose, always requiring your consent.

The ache in your cunt urges you to believe him, to forgive him. You shake your head and sigh, knowing that you should think your actions through. Impulsivity is the reason you are now hiding in his bathroom.

Your hand moves to open the door, ignoring your concerns. “Cal, wait…”

Cal turns, releasing the handle of the partially opened bedroom door. “Yes?”

You chew your lip before speaking, searching his face for any sign of lying. “You didn’t do it on purpose?”

His forehead wrinkles with worry, panic clearly etched into the lines. “No, never. I would never trick you or try to have you without your consent. All I wanted was to give you a special day.”

You watch him for a moment longer, waiting to see if he drops his guard, but he looks genuinely concerned that you view him as a monster. A special day, you think, feeling your own wetness and seeing the bulge in his pants, a smile breaking on your face. “Oh, it’s special alright.”

He matches your expression, eyes crinkling in flirtatious joy. “It definitely is up there.”

He waits, and you wonder if he is in your mind. You don’t want him to know your decision before you do, so you open your mouth and start speaking, allowing you both to discover what you will say. “You don’t have to go…maybe we can help each other out.”

The smile wipes from Cal’s face, being replaced by a darker and hungrier expression. “I’m listening.”

Your stomach fills with butterflies, reveling in the way he looks at you. He’s so handsome, the Jedi physique always does it for you. You’d like to see more of his body, to feel all of it, every inch.

You can’t meet his eye as you speak and hear the bedroom door click closed. “My fingers aren’t cutting it. I NEED something inside of me.”

To your surprise, he doesn’t immediately lunge at you. “You have two hands…”

You search his face for answers as a smirk tugs at his lips. Speaking carefully and this time, looking right into his intense eyes. “Yes, but I need something…bigger.”

Cal watches you for a breath before speaking. “My fingers?”

You bite your lip, trying not to show how much you need his fingers in you. “Yes, and…maybe even bigger?”

He smiles, but it’s predatory, as though he’s hunting you. “Oh. Yes, I can definitely provide that.”

You chuckle. “You think it’s big enough?”

He takes a step forward, chin raising, reminding you of his power. “It should keep you quite full.”

You resist taking a step away. “One stipulation.”

He steps forward again, dropping some of his dominant aura. “Anything.”

“We pretend like this didn’t happen tomorrow. I refuse to make any big decisions about our relationship while under the effects of this…stuff.”

Cal nods. “Absolutely. Today is a onetime deal. I won’t bring it up ever.”

You give him a hard look. “You sure you can handle that?”

He reaches out, middle finger trailing down your cheek, you lean into the touch. “Yes. I am only helping you.”

You glance down at his clothed erection. “And I’m helping you?”

He tilts your chin up. “You never have to help me.”

“So I’m not?”

He leans in. “You are, but your pleasure comes first.”

You give him a mischievous look, raising your eyebrows. “Unless you do…”

He chuckles softly, his face inches from yours. “I can’t promise I won’t be more sensitive than usual, but I’ve already cum twice and I’m still hard. I’ll keep you full and stay focused on you.”

His proximity shuts down any humor you previously felt, looking into his eyes, then at his lips. “Yes, Cal.”

He kisses you softly, his lips grazing across yours, waiting for your response. You tilt your head back, a sharp inhale parting your lips, Cal’s top lip fills the void. He starts slow, pressing kisses against your mouth, coaxing you into asking for more.

As you push your tongue forward, Cal’s tongue moves to meet you. He is more gentle this time, savoring each kiss.

“Cal, I appreciate how you’re kissing me. But I need you now.”

Cal smiles, nose bumping against yours. “Tell me exactly what you want and I’ll give it to you.”

You flush, embarrassed at being so honest. “Please, Cal, I don’t want to say it…”

Cal shrugs and resumes the painfully slow kisses. You try to be okay with it, try to allow the delicate pace, but the drugs are making it harder to stay calm when you could ride him right now.

After what feels like an eternity, you break the kiss, your palm on his chest, pushing him backwards. However, your fingers curl into the thin material of his tank top, preventing him from fully pulling away. He glances down at your hand in appreciation.

“Fine, please just fuck me. Take off both our clothes, have me in every position you like. Please fill me now.”

He tilts his head. “Now? I suppose I can improvise until our clothes are off.”

One of his hands snakes down your body and between your thighs, plunging two fingers deep into your weeping hole, eliciting a groan from you. Your eyes flutter closed and you feel his free hand tug your dress up and over your head, exposing your naked body to him. He pumps his fingers into you, curling with each movement.

You force your eyes open to watch as he undresses, excited to see his body for the first time. He reaches behind his neck to tug the material up and over his body, letting it land on his occupied wrist. You take in every part of his muscular form, mouth watering in delight.

He gives you an amused look before meeting you for an open-mouthed kiss, tongues stroking against one another in need. You wrap your arms around his neck, hoping to pull him closer. Hearing the sound of pants sliding down his legs; you pull back to look but he does not release you from the kiss, instead guiding you backwards towards the bed.

As the backs of your knees hit the mattress, Cal pulls his fingers out of your cunt, leaving you wanting. His shirt slips free of his wrist and you finally see him fully nude. He looks painfully erect, and you want to soothe both your desires.

“On your back. I want to watch your face the first time you cum.”

You move with haste into position and Cal follows you, his movements deliberate. He settles between your spread legs, looking over your body. “So obedient.”

You laugh. “Don’t get used to it.”

He positions his length at your entrance. “We’ll see about that. I get the feeling you are going to do whatever I ask for the rest of today.”

Cal doesn’t give you an opportunity to respond, instead pushing forward, sliding until he is fully inside of your soaked cunt. You reach out to grab his shoulder, needing to touch him more.

“Fuck, Cal.”

He pulls out, readying to thrust. “I intend to.”

Your brain feels like it’s melting from the pleasure you are receiving, heightened by the drug’s hold on your mind. Cal pumps himself repeatedly into your body, each stroke slamming the head of his cock into your cervix. Neither of you keep your composure, both fighting to not orgasm.

You speak first. “Cal, I’m really close.”

Cal continues the brutal pace but forces himself to watch your face, keeping his promise. You look up into his eyes, seeing his desire, and something else. Watching someone so good looking take pleasure in your body pushes you over the edge, spasming and clenching around him. Cal watches as long as he can before his own eyes close, cumming with you.

He doesn’t give you a break, which you are grateful for. One orgasm wasn’t enough, and you can’t stand the thought of being empty right now. He pulls out only for a moment, guiding you onto your hands and knees.

As his cock enters you again, you feel his hand pushing down between your shoulder blades. At first, you aren’t sure what he is doing, but allow him to press you down into the mattress, arching your back. Each thrust feels more delicious in this position and you cry out.

“Like I said, you are obedient. It suits you. Being mine suits you.”

You turn your head to look back at him, rolling your eyes. He snickers and grips your hips, pulling your body against his, using you. A wet slapping sound fills the room, egging you on.

You reach between your legs to stroke your clit, however; you find it’s easier to hold your hand steady and let Cal drag your body against it. Forcing you to grind against your own fingers. Your nipples rub against the smooth comforter, shooting sparks through your body. Each movement coiling pleasure in your abdomen, moans flowing easily from your lips.

Cal grunts. “You’re…so…tight…”

You feel him unloading inside of you; he fucks you through it, ensuring your pleasure is uninterrupted. The notion is so hot that you follow shortly after he is done. Clamping down hard around his overstimulated cock as you twitch in pleasure.

“Fuck, Light, it’s a lot.”

Cal’s pleas go ignored as you ride the high of your orgasm, fucking yourself on him through the aftershocks. Cal lets loose a stuttered collection of grunts, his fingers digging into your hips.

You stop moving, panting as your left cheek rests against the bed. The need in your body is ready for another round, but you are physically exhausted, wondering how the two of you could keep going.

Cal brushes some of the hair off your neck, helping cool your body. “Light, do you want to cum again?”

You rise to your hands. “Yes, but I’m already tired.”

You laugh, feeling surprised by the exhaustion. Normally, you could go much longer, especially with the added stimulant.

Cal pulls his still hard length out of you, causing you to whine.

“Pregnancy is known to do that.”

You turn to face him, ignoring his words. “Please, I need you in me.”

Cal smiles and kisses you once. “But you’re too tired to keep going.”

You give him your best wide-eyed look. “Yes.”

Cal thinks, looking over your body, making you shift. “I may have an idea. Stay here.”

He climbs off the bed and walks out the door. You can’t help but look him over from behind. If the Force has a favorite, it’s Cal. Every inch of his body is muscular and perfect, making you want to never let him go.

You could stay with him, you’re pregnant with his child after all, that’s reason enough to stay. You could be his little wife, allow him to fuck you every night, fill you with more of his babies. Perhaps bring him back to the Light side, start a life far from here.

Cal interrupts your thoughts by returning to the bedroom, holding a funny-looking device that you recognize as a smaller holopad. He holds it up for you to see. “This used to be yours. You read some rather interesting books before the accident.”

You give him a funny look, confused at what he intends to do with the device and your current situation. His erection pressing high against his lower stomach. Cal arranges the pillows and sits at the head of the bed, gesturing for you to sit on his lap.

You move quickly to straddle him, sinking down, fulfilling both your needs with a whine. You rest your head against his shoulder and he absent-mindedly strokes your back.

“I’ll keep you filled while I read your old books to you. If you find you need to ride me, please do so at any time.”

You think the entire situation is odd but snuggle against his chest, breathing in his scent, agreeing to his terms without words. Cal reads aloud, the rumble of his voice pleasantly sounding each word. You aren’t listening at first, but as he continues, you realize this is no ordinary story.

Cal is reading you pornography.

You lean back to look at his face. “Um…Cal, what are you reading?”

Cal snickers. “You tell me, this is what you were last reading before your accident.”

Your eyes widen and you decide against pressing the issue, instead leaning against him, listening in fascination to the filthy words. Cal reads to you for hours, mostly you listen, but each time there is a burst of energy, you ride him. Your movements often distracting him until he puts the holopad down and helps you ride, hands gripping your hips.

You chase orgasms whenever you can, Cal never pushes for more than what you can take. Part of you wonders how he might use your body if your pleasure didn’t come first as he promised. If he might have spent each minute fucking all thoughts from your brain.

But you are happy to lie in his arms instead while he strokes your head and reads. Apart from the cock warming and the pornography Cal reads to you, it’s innocent enough to cuddle with him for hours. You could see yourself curled up beside him more often, enjoying his warmth and scent.

“Cal?”

Cal’s eyes stay focused on the words on the screen. “Yes, my love?”

Your cheeks heat at his word choice, knowing he forgot the nature of your relationship. “We agreed we won’t speak about this ever again…”

Cal looks at you with concern. “Yes.”

You press your lips together. “Maybe we could act like it happened, but not jump back to sex. At least, not right away?”

Cal drops the reader on the bed, both hands moving to cup your cheeks, pulling your face close. “I would do anything for you.”

He presses a kiss to your mouth, you eagerly respond. Your arms wrap around his neck as he flips your bodies, pinning you to the bed. “We’ll start fresh tomorrow. Let me have you one last time.”

You smile and nod, dragging him back down into another kiss. Cal maintains the kiss while moving his hips, slow and deliberate, ensuring your exhausted cunt enjoys every motion. The way he fucks you differs from the other times today. You assume the drugs must finally be wearing off, hoping that you might sleep in each other’s arms tonight.

Cal sucks at your bottom lip as he moves, each thrust thoughtful. He kisses you, hands still holding your face as you both cum. Each kiss feels final, but you know it is only the beginning. Both exhausted, you finally feel satiated, and Cal’s erection softens.

He fetches you one of his black shirts to wear for sleep, dressing himself in his usual lounge wear. He climbs back into bed and wraps his body around yours, his nose resting in the crook of your neck. As you fall asleep, you become unaware of the man left awake in the room.

The Inquisitor who cries softly into your hair, knowing the best day of his life will soon be forgotten. Who untangles himself from your body once he is too tired to fight off sleep. Who sets up a makeshift bed on the floor beside you, falling into a fitful sleep, forgetting the gift you gave him.

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snowbellewells · 7 months ago

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CSSNS23 Fic Update: "Carolina Moon" Chapter Five

Sheesh, so much for getting back to weekly updates! I don't know what else to do but apologize folks, and to say thank you for hanging in there with me if you're still patiently reading this story despite my lack of speed. Please enjoy the newest chapter - the threat is ramping up, but so is Killian's determination to help keep Emma safe!

Thank you so, so, SO much for @xarandomdreamx and her wonderful beta skills - she had a job fixing all the times I switched tenses this go 'round!

And continued thanks to @eastwesthomeisbest for this cover art that I'm thrilled by all over again each time I post a new chapter!!

Read from the beginning HERE on Tumblr or HERE on AO3

Summary: Emma Swan has returned to the town she grew up in, and the past that has haunted her no matter where she has run. She seeks answers and peace at last. Despite the years that have passed, some things haven't changed very much in Storybrooke, South Carolina, and one of those things is Killian Jones. He never forgot the gangly girl with the world on her shoulders and pain in her eyes, but will he finally be able to slip past her defenses and help her find the answers she seeks?

Chapter Five: Unwanted Reunion and New Resolve

Killian Jones’ mind was everywhere but on the shipping manifests and cost reports he was attempting to look over in his small office down at the docks. Paperwork of that nature was his least favorite part of being the boss, and a tedious chore at the best of times, but with all he had witnessed the night before - Emma trembling in his arms, shaking from the sapping strength of her visions - he could find little space in his brain for inventory and figures. The sunlight glinting off the water out the window to his left and the gentle sound of the waves striking the moorings of the pier always tried to entice him from his desk on mornings he had to take alone to put the business in order, but with his concentration already severely fractured, he was making little to no headway. He’d dropped Emma off by her car at the gallery that morning, reluctantly aware that he had to give her a bit of space, and figuring that in the middle of town in broad daylight was the best time to do so and still retain his own peace of mind. He’d spent the night on her couch - against her protests that she sleep there instead - but all had been quiet, no signs of trouble. She’d planned to go to the diner to grab breakfast, then work for a few hours, and he’d pick her up that evening when they’d both finished for the day.

With a growl of frustration, Killian pushed his chair back and reclined in it, raking a hand through his dark hair, surely making it stand on end, and squeezing his eyes closed to block all the images rushing through, images that were already inside his head. He wanted to yell, to hit something - mostly his own younger self. How had they all been so blind and callous? Was this what Emma had always been dealing with? Even as a child? Rose would have known, would have been a support, a respite for Emma in the storm the rest of her life must have been. His baby sister, whom he’d doted on, but clearly not paid careful enough attention to, would have done nothing less. But when she was snatched away, and Emma blamed for the loss, despite what she had risked in order to help, it was just too late, the storm had surged back to surround her, raging and buffeting her more cruelly than ever. Though he had wondered briefly about the marks he could see that morning, and what had kept Emma from meeting Rose the night before, he had been too young and blind, too lost in his own grief and family concerns to reach out to her as he saw now he should have done. She had lost the only anchor in the maelstrom she had ever possessed, and he hadn’t bothered to toss her a lifeline. Leaning forward again, elbows planted on his cluttered desk, Killian rubbed his stubbled chin thoughtfully for a moment, trying to refocus on what he could do now to help her and show he wanted to ease her burden - would always, always, be at her side from now on, if she would allow it. Emma had said, when her defenses were still down and he had held her close, trying to imbue any bit of strength he could, that Rose wasn’t the only one - that there had been other victims.

Galvanized with sudden inspiration, he pushed his bookkeeping aside in a messy heap to one corner of his desk and quickly opened a new window on his laptop. If he wasn’t going to be able to focus on his own work, he might as well accomplish something worthwhile, something he could take to Emma as proof of how fully he took her at her word - a starting point for their inquiry. His eyes began to scan lines of text in rapid fascination - both amazed and appalled at the sheer amount of information at one’s fingertips once he chose to look, and at the horrifying reality of there being so much to be found.

He was soon fully engaged in the task, his other concerns slipping away with the minutes that ticked by until he could call it a day, and it suddenly felt as if he had managed some worthwhile work after all. Perhaps not for Jones Shipping Ltd., but important all the same. He tried not to picture the scoff and disappointed shake of the head his father would have given at that; Brennan Jones did nothing if not for the furtherance of their name and holdings, and his imagination’s echoes of the sharp retort that would be on his mother’s lips did no good either.

All the same, he was anxious to show Emma what he had turned up, and in only a couple hours’ searching. It wouldn’t be what one might call pleasant dinner conversation - certainly not what he’d usually entertain as fit for a second date - was he crazy to consider it as such? He felt Emma would want to know all the same. It was proof that what she had seen the night before, horrifying as it must have been, was hardly mistaken or imagined. And it was a first stop toward finally uncovering the truth after all this time. Emma deserved to be set free at long last - they all did.

When it finally neared five o’clock, Killian had never locked up his office and left work so quickly. He headed straight for the town square and those mesmerizing green eyes he was eager to feel upon him again. He had been missing them for longer than he’d ever fully realized.

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

The morning after intense visions Emma always felt a bit hazy, slightly dazed and headache-y, almost as though suffering from a mental hangover of sorts, from exerting such focus and emotion. That morning was no different, but she shuffled gingerly through her usual routine as always, wincing but not about to waste time recouping her strength if she still hoped to open for business as planned.

By the time she had returned to the gallery, a shocking amount of coffee in her system and a satisfyingly crisp and greasy bacon sandwich from the local diner in her stomach, she already felt more herself. She had called the young lady, Violet Clemens back and hired her after all. She was going to need help, and the sale she had already made - to Ruby Jones, of all people! - had boosted her confidence. She might as well sink everything into this; if she went down, she would go down swinging with all she had.

Violet had joined her in the shop just after 12:30, and they had spent a cheerful couple of hours putting the last items and displays in place. The other woman had proven a real asset already: agreeable, quick, and a good eye to boot. She was pleasant company and a worthy distraction. Emma was already exceedingly glad of her presence.

It was just half past three when Emma paused to stretch, catch her breath, and survey their progress with a proud smile. There really wasn’t too much left after Killian’s help the previous day, and all that she and her new employee had just accomplished. Smiling broadly, she thanked Violet once more, and got them both a cold water bottle from the small fridge she’d had Killian’s help in nestling on the shelf under the counter. They were due a cool drink and a moment’s sit down, she felt sure.

While they were still sipping their drinks perched on the tall stools she’d placed behind the counter, the bell above the shop door jangled merrily to announce the arrival of Mayor Walsh Ozman with his wide, charming-the-public smile. Emma stood and moved forward to greet her old acquaintance, asking what they could do for him, even though she was privately amused at how well the public servant schtick seemed to suit him. She would have never imagined that the unhappy, mean-spirited boy of their youth would be wearing that wide smile and winning local elections when they all grew up. Then again, she couldn’t have pictured much for her future either, not back then. Still, she mused curiously before returning her attention to Walsh’s reply, she would have to ask Killian if it was an election year and if Mayor Ozman was trying to win over these two newcomers to his town by turning on the charm.

As it turned out, the mayor was also hoping to make an early purchase - it seemed that he and his wife were quite close to their 15th anniversary, and having lived in Storybrooke all that time, he was anxious to shop for a gift somewhere completely unknown to her. He genuinely did want to offer any help he could as a town representative, but if he could find the right anniversary present at the same time, he would be incredibly grateful.

Violet happily began to show him around the shop, directing his attention to various framed photographs which might work especially well as romantic gifts - the close-up bud of a red rose, two swallows entwined in flight, a couple’s joined hands in silhouette against a sunset’s orange and gold. Not only that, but she kept up a lively patter of information that proved just what a sponge she had been for all of the information Emma had told her so far about her process, materials, and subject matter. Violet answered the mayor’s questions nearly as well as Emma herself could have done, and it pleased Emma more than she could say, thinking that not only had she helped someone in need of a job, but that she had managed to find someone with the pep and sweetness they needed out front, all the engaging personality she herself often fought to project, as well as a genuine interest in the art itself.

By the time Violet had shown Walsh all the way around the store cheerily, the mayor had a selected photo in hand once they returned to the counter and Emma was marvelling at how lucky she had been to find such a natural saleswoman along with all of Violet’s other positive traits. The red rose picture Walsh had selected seemed a touch obvious, but then, who was she to judge? She had chosen it to crop and display as she had because its blatant appeal almost guaranteed it would sell. They weren’t even officially open yet, and this was her second painting sold. If this could keep up, she might not have as hard a road making her gallery succeed as she had anticipated.

As she rang up the purchase and ran the mayor’s card, Violet carefully and efficiently wrapped the frame as she had been shown. Walsh grinned broadly the whole time as her new assistant prattled on. “You’ve really saved me a long, drawn out search with this, ladies. And Marjorie will love it too. Plus, it was a chance to keep business local. Your gallery is going to be a great addition for Storybrooke, just wait and see.”

“I certainly hope so,” Emma replied, a pleasantly warm glow of pride in her chest as she did so.

“You just give me a call if there’s anything I can do to help out,” he reminded again as he headed out the door with a wave. “It is part of my job, after all.”

When he was gone, Emma found that they really had accomplished nearly all that she had planned for the day. With heartfelt gratitude, she sent Violet off a bit early, promising that she was just going to lock up and make an early night of it herself as well. No need to tell the younger woman that she was going to be picked up at five like a kid after daycare for her own safety.

Violet hadn’t been gone but a few minutes before Emma had all in order and was gathering her things to leave, true to her word. She made sure the lights were out in the back office, that all was in its proper place, and was just bending to gather her things from under the counter, when she heard the door open once more, its bell chiming in announcement. Standing straight again, she had begun to speak before even seeing the person who had entered. “I’m sorry, but we’re not open for business yet. I was just leaving for the day, and - “ but the rest of her polite dismissal died on her tongue when she recognized the person who had arrived - a face she had hoped never to see again.

“Well, seeing as I’m already here, you’ll just have to make an exception, won’t you?” The question was taut and dangerous, hardly a question at all, though phrased as such. Every nerve in Emma’s body stood on end in response. Her limbs took on the same sort of wary motionlessness they had years ago, like a rabbit going statue-still in hopes of evading a predator’s notice, yet ready to dart away the moment an opening appeared.

Vic Franken hadn’t darkened her path again after she’d paid him off for her safety and peace of mind once he found her in Boston. Emma had hoped that fragile truce and space would hold, despite his breach of parole, but her former “guardian” never had been particularly wise, and he was eerily apt to return to what he knew, what was easiest, particularly when he was desperate. Emma wet her lips nervously and attempted to keep breathing calmly, steadily, focused on taking in any weakness she might be able to use to her own benefit. The past six or seven years had not been kind to him by the looks of it. Always tall and wiry, Franken appeared almost unhealthily gaunt, with dark shadows under eyes that were still as sharp and wild, darting quickly about the gallery space, to her, and back again. His clothes were worn and wrinkled, his hair stood on end in places, and he was moving closer, coming to stand just on the other side of the counter - much nearer than Emma could handle without her knees going a bit watery in spite of the fact that she wasn’t 13 anymore and she had every right to order him out of her place of business, whether he thought so or not.

“You s-shouldn’t be here,” she managed to say coolly, her voice only quavering slightly, for which she was grateful. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, intending to look serious, but also hoping to hold herself together as best she could.

“Damn it!” he howled, the loud exclamation ringing in the air between them as his large hand slammed down on the counter, rattling the surface with a bang, and causing Emma to shrink backward against her best effort to hold her ground. “You aren’t so high and mighty that you can just shove me out! I put a roof over you head, and you owe me for it! I’m not leaving ‘til I’m good an’ ready!”

At that, Emma regained herself through sheer outrage alone. This monster had made her childhood miserable, and she wasn’t about to have him barge in and take anything else from her. Standing taller and tipping her chin up to face him squarely, Emma’s spine returned to her after the shock of his appearance, while her hand scrambled carefully through her things beneath the countertop. She hoped Franken wouldn’t notice what she was doing before she could lay hands on the pocketknife she knew was somewhere in her purse. Granted, that wasn’t much of a weapon, but she wasn’t going to face him without any sort of defense - not ever again.

An eerie sort of calm washed over the man for a moment then, as if he and Emma were locked in a stalemate and her facing him steadily had given him pause. His exacting gaze continued to take in the large main room of her shop, and Emma held her breath, finally feeling her fingertips graze the handle she was searching for at the bottom of her purse. She knew better than to drop her guard; his quiet hesitation was like a hurricane’s eye, the calm before the gale began to batter and howl once more. Grasping her prize, Emma pulled it free and flicked it open, not wanting to show her hand too soon and yield the element of surprise if she had to wield it.

As Franken returned his focus to her, an unnatural almost proud look crossed his features, as out of place as it was, particularly when an attempt at some sort of paternal smile twisted his visage. “Seems like you’ve done alright for yourself since I saw you last, Emma,” he finally murmured in a cajoling tone.

She snorted; regardless of how dangerous it might be to antagonize him, she couldn’t even pretend they were on terms to make friendly small talk. “If I am doing well, it’s no thanks to you,” she retorted bitterly.

Franken’s nostrils flared as he reeled back to his full height, the calm attempt at appealing to her good side shattered in an instant. “Ungrateful wench!” he hollered, eyes bulging wide as he swung a hand wildly, catching the edge of a large, framed portrait on the wall behind him and knocking it to the floor, where it crashed on its face and sent glass shattering outward in a wide spray. “After I took you in, fed you, clothed you, saw that you had a roof over your head? Now you’re too good to return the favor?”

Emma gasped in dismay at the largest piece in her gallery’s fall and destruction, but was quick enough to dodge his flailing hand when Franken reached out in an attempt to grab her shoulder and haul her close. She was just fast enough to evade him, thankfully. She might be fully grown now instead of a scrawny, underfed kid, but she still didn’t need to find out what he would do if he got a good hold on her.

“Took me in?” she spat back, practically seething in anger that he would dare pretend he had actually provided any sort of genuine care. “Is that what you did?” Shaking her head in disbelief, Emma finally raised the small blade before her, as if warning him to keep his distance, even if there wasn’t much more space behind the counter for her to put between them. “Which part am I supposed to be grateful for, hmm?” she barrelled on, now that the gates were open, her words kept spilling out. “The beatings that left me so sore I could barely sit or walk for days afterward? The hours I spent locked in the pitch dark cellar as punishment for my demons? The shame and fear you made sure I never forgot from the moment I crossed the threshold of your house until the day I got away from it?” The small pocket knife wavered along with her hand, and her vision blurred with hot tears of frustration, but Emma didn’t falter. “Tell me what exactly I should be thanking you for?”

With a wild growl, he whirled away from her, grabbing frames from their hooks and hurling them against the walls or to the floor, knocking a large easel to the ground and smashing his foot through the canvas print it had held. He was on as much a tear as a toddler having a fit, but imminently more dangerous. Rounding on her again, his eyes were wild, and if possible, Emma would have sworn he was foaming at the mouth.

It was then, in desperation to save the work he hadn’t already destroyed, that she acted without thinking clearly and charged out from behind the counter she had carefully kept between them - so focused on making him leave that she left herself vulnerable by coming too close. “Get out!” Emma cried, mindless of his larger build and out of control demeanor; the threat he posed flying from her head as her work - the pictures she’d poured her heart and soul into, and the inventory she needed to keep her business afloat - clattered to the ground, breaking and being trashed before her eyes. She might still have the small blade gripped in her sweaty fingers, but she wasn’t thinking about defense as much as ridding herself of his presence before he destroyed her means of livelihood. “You have no right to anything from me! You need to get out of here before I call the police and tell them you’re in town!”

Franken whirled from the far wall where he’d been wreaking havoc and instead turned towards her seething with unrestrained rage. There were many times in her years growing up when Emma had feared that this man was unstable; dangerously obsessed with her “unholy” visions and driving them from her by any means necessary, and that his volatile fanaticism would injure her beyond what she could heal from or survive. Emma had spent far longer than was fair, wasted too much of her life, waiting to be out from under his thumb, no longer catching her breath and ducking a fist sure to fly or a bruising belt buckle if she said too much or let the wrong words slip. It had been long enough now though that she wasn’t guarding every thought and impulse, and she didn’t stop to second guess or recognize the danger as she took her stand. Willing to defend this little space she’d made for herself, even if it meant facing the monster from her past head-on and all alone.

The violence that twinkled maliciously in Franken’s deep, dark gaze should have been a warning, but Emma was too riled up and determined that this time she wasn’t backing down, wasn’t letting this pathetic excuse for a man take anything more from her. Where a younger, more wary version of herself would have shrunk back and put space between them, Emma instead pressed forward capitalizing on the man’s momentary shock. She wasn’t sure what she intended to try next if he didn’t move, but her body seemed determined to herd him out the door, with or without the full thought and cooperation of her racing brain.

Barely a moment’s warning, where a low, evil chuckle rumbled from his throat, evidencing anything but humor, was the only signal Emma got, and the next thing she knew, Franken had struck so fast she didn’t even see the movement - like a copperhead concealed in dank marsh water, having already bitten a person before one even knew it was there. Her head whipped to the side with the impact of his fist shooting out and making contact, leaving her ears ringing and her lungs gasping for air.

Emma struggled to keep her feet beneath her, even as the world around her tilted sideways. A wailing inside her head like sirens brought back all the times she had fallen before this monster as a child, curled tightly in a ball to protect herself from the blows he’d rained down on her for the smallest imagined infractions or the involuntary glimpses of prescient knowledge she couldn’t help possessing - they’d been part of who she was even then, as much a her hair or eye color, and they refused to stay hidden. Emma had attempted to - for all she was worth - having immediately learned speaking of what she saw, no matter how important it might seem, only earned her more suffering and degradation.

Flailing her arms, she managed to catch the side of the counter and steady herself before she went tumbling to the floor. Franken was right there, coming for her again with his arm raised, no doubt reveling in the same sort of drunken power he had missed while the inexorable familiarity of the old, horrible pattern clutched Emma by the throat with fear.

This time she wasn’t having it. She’d fight him even if it broke every bone in her body. With a cry of pain soaked in years of suffering unheard, Emma pushed off the counter, leading with the sharp pocket knife and sheer desperation, she meant to make her own mark this time. “Leave me alone!” she bellowed, as she took her first step to meet him.

But, despite his own seeming haze of madness and unsteady mind, Vic Franken was still quick and powerful as a gator and just as mean. Much like he’d always been, he was too large a foe for her to fell unprepared and without proper defenses. His meaty paw caught her wrist with crushing strength, until her fingers were forced to release her blade and it clattered to the floor and skittered away uselessly as she felt her tendons and bones ground painfully beneath his grip.

He pulled her close to his face until their noses nearly touched, as if trying to understand why he couldn’t make her cower the way he once had. Emma could just begin to hear the blessed sound of sirens in the distance that she prayed were coming their way. Thank goodness she had shouldered the extra cost of hidden cameras and a security company who monitored their feed continuously. When he’d begun to tear her gallery apart it would have been obvious help was needed though she’d had no time to call for it.

“You think this is over?” he hissed angrily. “I’m not finished with you…far from it. You won’t be rid of me until I say so. Don’t you forget it.”

Flinging Emma away like a discarded ragdoll, she stumbled with the force of it, tripping on the debris that littered the floor and slamming back into the counter that had saved her minutes before. Franken fled out the door and was gone, and she slumped to the floor - for the moment too dizzy and aching to get up again. Trying to catch her breath and make her surroundings stop whirling around her, Emma breathed slowly, closing her eyes and allowing her head to lean groggily against the smooth, cool surface until she could gather her bearings.

The siren sounds drew nearer still, for which she was so thankful she could cry, but then she heard the door swing open once more, and she lurched frantically to attention, struggling to get her feet under her for fear that he had come back to finish her off. What she saw instead almost started her laughing hysterically, having never imagined this particular visitor’s appearance would send relief washing over her.

“Emma?” Ruby Jones’ voice was shocked and disbelieving, even concerned, all rolled into one as her heels click-clacked right across all the broken glass towards her before she crouched at her side, fingers already gingerly dabbing at the trickle of blood from the broken skin at her temple and then holding an honest-to-goodness monogrammed handkerchief to the spot. “What happened here?”

Emma reached out to still Ruby’s hand, shaking her head with as little force as possible and still wincing, “More who than what…” she managed, still trying to fully gather her wits and fighting for her speech not to sound slurred. She swallowed, wetting her lips and pressing on. “It was Franken….my old foster father…remember?” Ruby nodded, mouth and eyes both gaping wide at her. Emma sighed, “Thank - thank goodness it sounds like those sirens are close… don’t wanna tell this all more than once.”

“Vic Franken?” Ruby growled, her wide eyes narrowing. She looked for a second as if she might have clawed the man’s eyes out herself if she had been here just a little sooner. Emma again had to choke back out of place hilarity at the other woman’s defense of her. Rose would have loved it; she was just trying not to get whiplash. “What did that bastard think he was doing coming here?” Ruby snapped out.

Emma chuckled lightly, squinting against the way even that made her head hurt. Somehow Ruby’s fiery temper made her heart feel a little lighter. This nightmare was still dogging her, but the sheer absurdity of someone she’d have sworn even two days ago couldn’t stand her being ready to fight for her, lightened the dark cloud that had settled over her. Giving the former debutante a mischievous, if weary, side eye, she teased. “Whoo, Miss Ruby! That’s quite a mouth you’ve got there for a nice Southern belle! What would your Mama say?!”

Ruby rolled her eyes at the teasing with a dismissive snort, even as she let Emma grip her forearms and help her to stand again, holding on until sure she was steady. “Well, first she would have told me to walk on by and leave you where you fell, so clearly I don’t much care what she has to say.”

Emma began to nod her acknowledgement that what Ruby said was true, then quickly thought better of it at the shot of pain that lanced through her.

Ruby shrugged, offering a crooked smile. “Besides,” she added ruefully, “Mama despaired of me a long time ago.”

Emma drew in a sharp breath, a few sadly clarifying things about Killian and Rose’s sister instantly becoming clear.

“Now,” Ruby continued, red fingernail raised to point at Emma authoritatively, “you are gonna report this sorry excuse of a man so they can nail him to the wall, and then we’re gonna get you patched up, okay?”

Emma didn’t get to respond further as they were interrupted by what seemed to be the entire Storybrooke police force’s arrival just then, with a worried David Nolan leading the charge. She’d give her former defender credit. Though he looked half beside himself when he first burst through the door, his deputies flanking him, David quickly saw that the perpetrator was gone and, while she was injured and shaken, Emma was no longer in immediate danger and had someone at her side. With an almost visible effort, he reigned in his protectiveness and brought his anxiety back under stern professional control.

Turning, he began capably barking out orders to his fellow officers - not unkindly, but feeling the urgency and not at all wanting to allow Franken to escape and cause this sort of damage again. Through the buzzing that seemed to have taken up residence in her brain, Emma heard David directing a perimeter to be set up to keep Franken from getting out of town, with an APB being put out with Franken’s name and description to all possible news outlets. He also organized the coordination of his people coming in to gather evidence and block off the space outside on the walk so gawkers couldn’t make their way in and disturb anything that could aid in their search.

Though there were an overwhelming number of people swarming all about inside the shop, Emma was grateful that only David himself came over to ask a few questions of her. Ruby had led her, wordless as she had ever seen the youngest Jones sibling, over to one of the tall stools at the counter, coaxing her into gingerly sitting down, being kind enough even to avert her gaze and hold back her own questions when Emma leaned slightly over, her still-spinning head against Ruby’s side as she attempted to swallow her nausea back down her throat. Ruby just rubbed a hand across Emma’s shoulder blades gently and stood there as steady and calm as a pillar of marble.

David stooped to look into Emma’s eyes with his own careful concern as he reached them. “Do you feel dizzy? Nauseous?” he asked promptly, his words clipped and tight, making the strain he was still under to remain calm and professional all too clear. Emma was fairly certain he already knew the answer anyway. If she tried to shake her head and deny his suspicions, her world would only keep spinning more frantically.

Just barely meeting his anxious stare with her eyes slitted narrowly open, she managed a half-convincing, “Calm down, Nolan. We all know I’ve had worse.”

The sheriff’s lips pressed together into a thin line, his whole expression pulled taut enough that Emma couldn’t even gauge whether anger, guilt, or fear was playing the largest role. His arms crossed firmly over his broad chest as he stood back to his full height, sensing that hovering would not make her any more agreeable, but he didn’t cease watching her, not allowing her to shut him out. “That isn’t funny,” he ground out, low enough that in the bustle around the shop only she, Ruby, and himself heard the admonishment, yet she felt chastened all the same. “You are clearly not safe, even out in the open, in broad daylight, and what if the security company hadn’t called us soon enough, if Ruby hadn’t walked in when she did? Emma, you could have been - “

Her eyes shot up to meet his savagely, knowing the rest of his sentence and not wanting it spoken aloud. Despite the ringing in her ears and rolling of her stomach, her fierce look froze the words on David’s tongue. She’d traveled so far, worked so hard to be more than the helpless, pitied victim of that man’s abuse - and she wasn’t letting him make her one again.

Before any of them could speak further, or the tension between them could fully dissipate, the door flung back on its hinges wildly as someone else rushed into her gallery. “Emma!” Killian’s unmistakable voice called out, cracking with worry on the second syllable, even as David moved aside slightly so his friend could see her for himself.

A strangled sound escaped his throat, and in moments Jones was across the room and on his knees before her, reaching out as if to pull her close, then jolting back as he took in the trickle of blood and the bruising that had already begun to color the side of her face. Looking wracked with indecision, he simply held his place before her, as near as he dared, and breathed out a choked, “What happened, Swan? Are - are you alright?”

“She will be,” Ruby offered with much needed certainty from beside Emma, laying her hand on her brother’s shoulder, as if to steady him and remind them both that she was there. It was new from her - for both of them - but her typical self assurance was bolstering in the fraught moment and incredibly welcome.

Killian finally released a full breath, his forehead falling to rest upon her knee, and his fingers reflexively clutching her denim-clad leg for a moment as he trembled with relief. After a moment to gather himself, he looked up into Emma’s face from where he crouched before her, eyes swimming with unasked questions and the fear - still all too close to the surface - that he had nearly lost her.

Emma didn’t have the strength to hold back, not in that tremulous moment when she was hurt and wanted to scream at the unfairness of everything falling apart around her. She grasped his t-shirt at the shoulder, comforted by his warm solidity beneath, and ran a hand over his brow, amazed that he was there and was so intensely concerned - and that she allows herself the luxury of that - before trailing her fingers through his unruly dark hair. “It was Franken,” she murmured lowly, just wanting it all out, like poison drawn from a wound. “He was here, mostly after money, I think…” she paused. “But as you can see,” she gestured to her face, “that clearly wasn’t enough to keep him from leaving a souvenir for old times’ sake.”

She could see the angry tic in Killian’s jaw, working to restrain the fury he felt, and though his was quieter, it seemed to run even deeper and even harder to contain than David’s had before it.

At that, David broke into the moment. “Killian, why don’t you take Emma to Storybrooke General to be checked out? I can swing by there later, when all this is under control, if I have any questions that can’t wait until tomorrow.” He waved to the crime scene which her gallery had become as he spoke.

Killian’s “Aye” and terse nod were all that voiced his agreement to the sheriff’s suggestion, but he stood and offered Emma a hand; balance and support to pull herself up if she chose to take it. Ruby squeezed her hand, promising she would check on her later as well.

She wanted to argue, to say the fuss wasn’t necessary, but as she stood and then wavered unsteadily, she knew there was no point. She merely took Killian’s arm and leaned on him wordlessly without a fight. None of the three people surrounding her would let her close call be brushed aside - not this time. For now, she accepted the concern and decided she’d give herself a minute in which she didn’t have to be so strong.

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

A few hours later Killian was leading Emma from the waiting room of the small local hospital, walking and as close behind her as humanly possible without getting their feet tangled and making her fall. She wanted to tell him that she’d be fine, to take her back to her car and then go on home, but the determined and independent core she had built up, the one which usually allowed her to offer those placating refrains so easily seemed irretrievably weakened. She couldn’t push him away. Where she would usually deny or ignore whatever had shaken her, Emma couldn’t this time. After all she had accomplished and how far she had traveled, after how long she had denied herself and stayed as far away as she could, it hadn’t been enough - not long enough, not far enough - her past and its monster had still found her and attacked.

So she didn’t want to need Killian Jones’ warm and steady palm at the small of her back, the comforting heat and gentle, guiding pressure easily felt through the thin material of her cotton blouse, but need it she did. “Come Lass, the truck’s over here,” he murmured, soothing and low near her ear, leaning in to speak for her ears alone as he steered her toward the corner of the lot where he had parked.

There really hadn’t been much anyone could do for the busted lip and rapidly blackening eye she was sporting, other than cautioning her to ice it often and to take aspirin as needed for the pain, but they had made sure nothing was broken in her nose, cheekbones, or jaw. She had also been cautioned, since she’d suffered some nausea at first, that if she became dizzy again or threw up, she should return for further examination. She hadn’t presented with a concussion, but one might sometimes show up later, and they wouldn’t want to miss it if so.

The doctor who had looked her over and the nurse were both concerned about sending Emma home alone; they wanted her observed and awakened every couple of hours. At Killian’s assurance that he would stay with her and do just as they suggested, however, they had relented and she had finally been released.

It wasn’t until he was helping her up into the high seat of his truck’s cab and moving to shut the door that she finally forced herself to protest - it was too much, he didn’t need to put himself out.

Killian was having none of it. He wouldn’t even let her finish, interrupting her protests in a heavy handed way she hadn’t yet seen from him. The solemnity of his vow was irrefutable when he swore that “This time, Love, you won’t be alone until that bastard is caught. Not until this is over.” His eyes burned into her like twin blue flames. “You are too precious for me to do otherwise.”

As much as the fervent emotion from him stole her breath, frustration mounted within her right alongside it. She’d spent so much of her early life beholden to one person or another, moved and driven by the whims of Fate or the system. She didn’t want to be a responsibility or a chore to anyone - not even someone honorable, who took his role as seriously as Killian. Especially not to Killian. She shook her head angrily, biting back tears. “This is stupid! I’ll just go…”

Jones didn’t even hesitate. “Then I’m going too… to the end of the Earth, if that’s where you’re headed.”

She was swiping at the errant tears that wouldn’t be held back any longer, wincing when she got too close to the tender area near her eye socket and sniffing back worse sobs as she beseeched him in last resort. “Why? Killian, why would you do that? So you can get yourself killed trying to protect me?!?”

But he merely shook his head, leaning into her space, pressing his forehead to hers and his warm breath caressing her cheek. “I’m not going to let that happen, Swan. We’ve both lost enough. I’m with you now - no matter what - and we’re going to stand and fight.”

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#cssns23 #cs modern au mc #cs movie au #cssns fic update #carolina moon #chapter five #some violence #some angst #just a fair warning #but also a line I've been dying to have Killian say...

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