#AND they treat each other with mutual respect pretty much every time they do

[galactic-glamour-girl-posts]

Something Something Animaniacs Headcanons

--Yakko is omnilingual, although he's better at speaking some languages than others (for example his Japanese is better than his Spanish).

--Whatever species the Warners are can breathe both underwater and in space. Any segment where they are shown in scuba gear or space helmets or anything like that is done for show, for S&P, or just because the Warners are goofing around.

--Clearly Jürgen was not feeding the Warner Clones well, but if he did I think Ditto's favourite food would be strawberries and cream (given that she's already confirmed to like strawberries), Ratto's would be leafy salads, and Saffo's would be sushi.

--Dot's favourite type of flowers are buttercups.

--The Warners consider Scratchansniff, Slappy, and Skippy the closest thing to an extended family they have (their father yes Scratchy being their dad should mean he's part of the nuclear family, but...shut up, aunt, and cousin respectively):

I was gonna save this for the tags, but nah, you CANNOT convince me they didn't choose to have these three specific characters play the Warners out for what was (for all the staff knew) their final full segment ever for a reason. This is the last shot of the original show (unless you count The Animaniacs Suite, but...come on. That's a clip show.)

The Warners went from only having each other to the size of their family doubling! I won't interpret this shot any other way 😤

[feroluce]

I have been informed by a mutual aid that you are a henghill enjoyer. You've single-handedly gotten me to care about Gepard and I would love to hear your thoughts on Cowborg Menace x Dragon That Can't Catch a Break

Aaaaaaaa I'm really flattered!! I have also been informed by a mutual aid that you have good taste (read: rvb enjoyer) and I need you to know that part of the reason I treat Gepard the way I do, like messing with him constantly, is because he makes me think of Wash. Poor dude was doomed the moment I got my grubby little mitts on him sksjkskdjd

But anyway yes, henghill! They really got me by the throat out of nowhere in 2.2. They're just. Surprisingly sweet?

The two of them get along very well, they see eye to eye on a lot of matters and have some similar mannerisms, they can hold long conversations together, and they have a shockingly swift understanding of the other in a very small amount of time! Platonically or romantically, there's a lot to dig into there. ♡

And I do mean a lot this basically ended up becoming a big long ship manifesto I'm so sorry zmjzznkdjd

Like first of all they're both fucking nerds over each other. Boothill's adoration for the Xianzhou alliance is already well-documented in his About Dan Heng voice line, and is appropriately pointed out in the fandom as sounding gay as all hell.

We know what you are, Boothill.

But then! He further cements it by trying to use Xianzhou sayings in front of Dan Heng haha

Not only that, but Boothill was able to recognize the Jade Abacus of Allying Oath for what it was like immediately, and instantly took it as proof of Dan Heng's identity as a Nameless. The validation of the Xianzhou is clearly a huge deal to him.

And Dan Heng plays it cool but like. I don't think he's actually much better JFKLASJDKL

The in-game Data Bank, which is supposed to be written and maintained by Dan Heng himself, has a pretty positive glowing review of the Galaxy Rangers.

And I feel the need to point out that like. The Galaxy Rangers are essentially a vigilante justice group..."group" being a pretty loose term, there isn't a whole lot of organization in there. Not everyone has a very good view of them because they're outlaws and there's a pretty wide and wild variety of individuals in the mix there, Boothill even confirms it as such.

And that archive entry is a hilariously stark contrast to the one for the Masked Fools, who Dan Heng does NOT seem to respect. So you can tell he puts a lot of his own opinion into the data and you can really see where his preferences lie KFDLAJFKLD

He does let his fanboy slip when Boothill first announces himself as a Galaxy Ranger though, just a little bit haha:

They're like the equivalent of when your favorite big name fandom person follows you back, you feel me fjkdjasflkdjskal

Which. I feel like it does make sense that he would really idolize the Galaxy Rangers and see them as heroes. Dan Heng is someone who was a victim of centuries of wrongful imprisonment and political power plays, and it would have been way worse had Jing Yuan not gone above the preceptors to protect him. He is someone that the system failed, and horrifically so. Of course he would like the idea of righteous heroes who stand for justice and travel the cosmos freely to help people.

And as @hydrachea, CEO of Dan Heng Enterprises and Super Genius with Giant Wrinkly Brain pointed out, this background DOES lay the foundation for Dan Heng to relate to Boothill a lot. You see this displayed beautifully in his Keeping Up With Star Rail video, where Dan Heng gets really protective of him, I adored it so so much. ♡

In it, Dan Heng not only comments that he originally came because he thought he was giving a presentation on how to be friendly with Boothill, but every time the IPC tries to paint him as some violent dangerous ruthless criminal, Dan Heng speaks up to explain his way of thinking and to defend him. It was really sweet!

And Dan Heng is protective of people anyway. He serves as the Guard of the Astral Express for a reason. He had nothing and no one before Himeko took him in, and now that he's found companions to love he is viciously defensive of them. You see it in the way he guards March 7th during fights on Jarilo-IV, in how he goes out of his way to bring important info to the trailblazer, in how he left the safety of the Express and infiltrated the Luofu because he was terrified he was going to lose them. But there's maybe a little extra layer of Understanding in the way he so persistently speaks up in Boothill's defense.

And I'm sure that this is a part of him that Boothill really admires, too, because Dan Heng also displays these instincts in Penacony. He makes the decision not just once, but twice, to use the Jade Abacus to save the Express Crew. And we know from Boothill's earlier reaction to it that like. The Jade Abacus is a Big Fuckin' Deal. It is something of immense value. Even with everything that's at stake, Boothill urges him to really make sure he wants to use it.

And this was something that really got me in the heart later, because! In Ena's Dream, Dan Heng once again decides to use the Jade Abacus, and. I'm not quite sure I can effectively put it in words, but there is something just so so sweet in the way that Boothill tells him no, Dan Heng should keep it. This is a get out of jail free card that could save his life down the line, he wants him to have it in case he finds himself in danger again later.

It really gives the feeling that Boothill actually wanted Dan Heng to not have to rely on this before, but there was no other way at the time. But now there IS something Boothill can do about it, and he wants to do something about it. A sorta-kinda "let me protect you this time"-ish feeling. If that makes any sense. He doesn't want Dan Heng to have to make that sacrifice.

Because I think Boothill would consider that a really admirable and respectable action, especially given his background. The IPC eradicated his homeplanet. He lost his parents, his siblings, his daughter, his home all in one fell swoop, and he has been on a fully dedicated revenge quest ever since. How could he not be a little awed by someone willing to give so much to protect his home and his family?

I think it's something the two of them understand in each other, because as it shows in the dialogue the first time Dan Heng decided to use the Jade Abacus, Boothill caught on immediately. He already knew what Dan Heng was planning before he even said so. And it's not even the first time he does that! Even as early as their initial entrance into the Reverie, Boothill is able to tell when Dan Heng is stressed, why he's stressed, and he backs off and gives him space without any fuss.

And it works! After the Express Crew are safe, they go from Dan Heng correcting him to more just kind of going with Boothill's flow, and I feel like this is a much better basis for their interactions.

Also I'm crying about Dan Heng blabbing that the trailblazer is a vessel of a Stellaron, gossipy little dragon fjdkasjfdklsaj

Like the two of them just GET each other! And so quickly and easily! It's ridiculous! Dan Heng is able to explain the methods behind Boothill's madness. Boothill is able to read Dan Heng like a book. They both had the same reaction to learning Acheron was a Self-Annihilator. They both really believe it's just fine and normal to have a weapon out if you don't trust someone yet- Boothill pulled his gun on Acheron the second he saw her, Dan Heng got his spear out and poked Sampo the first time he met him (valid). And they both act Like That because they're similar flavors of wary and cautious. They had to prove their identities to each other when they first met before either of them could relax.

They're both frank, and blunt, and will openly call shit out or question it when they see fit. They both believe in answering the call to action, and share a lot of their ideologies of The Hunt, like upholding justice and saving the innocent and protecting the weak. Boothill lives to fuck over the IPC and keep them from colonizing more planets like his, Dan Heng didn't even consider his own wants and asked to go to Edo Star to help the population there. They take their creeds seriously, and dedicate themselves to them, enough to be offended by imposters. Dan Heng dislikes Boothill claiming to be a Nameless, Boothill was literally hunting down Acheron for parading around as a Galaxy Ranger.

And all throughout 2.2, Boothill displays an immense knowledge of Paths and Aeons and even Emanators, and Dan Heng is a huge nerd an archiver and a collector of knowledge. The conversations these two could have!! They've both been to a lot of places and seen a lot of things, and I think Dan Heng especially would love listening to Boothill's stories and then adding them to the data bank. They can probably relate on rough travel, too- Boothill refers to the Astral Express as "bunkin' in luxury" and Pom-Pom once said Dan Heng was "used to sleeping on the rope." When March 7th takes the trailblazer to look for Dan Heng, she even phrases this as though he and Boothill have been talking together for quite a while!

Hell, even when they awaken in Ena's Dream, they arrive together:

They were together for almost the entirety of 2.2; literally the very first scene of it was their introduction. They only truly separated when Dan Heng went to help in the fight with The Great Septimus and Boothill to gather the Rangers (and then go shoot Aventurine full of holes fjkdlsajd) but! I'm really hoping we'll get to see more of them together in 2.3! They were a really cool duo, and it was so fun to watch them all through this update, I really want to see more of them now and explore their relationship dynamic more! ♡

[urlocalnonbinarybastardwrites]

Dunno if you’ve already done this and you don’t have to, but how about m!greaser casually giving the gang + Shepard siblings the ultimate princess treatment??

I’m talking like MAJOR princess treatment. Holding doors without asking, popping off beer caps, lighting cigs with his own lighter, bridal-carrying them away from a rumble when they’re hurt, etc etc. m!greaser isn’t even teasing abt it too, he’s genuinely just a whole ass gentleman

Of course anon!!! I love this request 🖤❤️🖤❤️🖤❤️

Ponyboy Curtis

-he’s surprised whenever you start treating him like damn royalty

-honored but surprised

-he loves the treatment he gets from you

-he always makes sure to say thank you

-he loves leaning on your shoulder when you carry him back from getting hurt

-he reads you stories that you fall asleep to as a way of saying thanks

-the other greasers tease him so hard about it tho

-he would do the same things for you that you do for him (:

Johnny Cade

-wow

-he’s like so not used to people treating him with baseline kindness or respect

-so you goin get extra more to do these things

-to light his cigarette, always make sure he has a place to stay for the night, bridal carry him at the slightest injury

-he’s pretty grateful

-also gets pretty flustered whenever you do it

-always says a quiet, “thank you” with a tiny smile

Sodapop Curtis

-he’s often overlooked as the middle Curtis sibling

-and he’s really only used to people doing things for him

-well, because he’s pretty. He has pretty privilege and he knows that

-and whenever you do these things for him

-just because he’s sodapop

-it’s what makes him give you genuine grins

-not his fake, charming demeanor that he so often carries

-but a genuine smile is what you bring to his face when you do these things

-and he’ll kiss your cheek 😊

Darry Curtis

-he does the same thing tbh

-most gentlemanly out of all of them

-you two are so mutually so sweet to each other

-but it backfires sometimes because you both want to do the same nice things for each other

-probably the most stable couple

-I really ship yall personally

-you guys would spend like 45 minutes fighting over who pays the bill at dates though 💀💀

Dallas Winston

-the least gentlemanly

-bro just does not think about much other than his own surroundings

-💀💀

-but he would definitely smirk whenever you do those things for him

-“Well ain’t you a doll, y/n?”

-that’s kinda the most thanks you’ll get 💀

-deep down he’s grateful but it takes him MONTHS of dating for him to even mutter thanks

-would not let you carry him though

-his egos too heavy anyway 😔

Two Bit Mathews

-he’d make jokes

-it’s two bit what do you expect

-but like jokes of affection

-really cheesy

-If you lit his cigarette “Y’know what else you set on fire? My heart.”

-if you carried him “Givin’ me a preview of the wedding hm? I see you…”

-and ur like two bit you literally broke your ankle

-but he’s actually really grateful whenever you do those things for him

-🫶

Steve Randle

-he would act nonchalant about it

-but he would totally care

-and brag to Sodapop about you and all you do for him

-and would try to kind of pay you back by spending his free time always upgrading or working on your car

-but he still mutters thank you to you

-but shows his full gratitude in other ways

Tim Shepard

-he’s absolutely not used to this

-he’s pretty smug whenever you do it though

-and definitely shows you off for it

Curly Shepard

-he would definitely be smug in a similar way to him

-like heh yeah my baby treats me like a goddamn king

-he would kiss you in front of anyone every time you do something for him

Angela Shepard

-she’s so cute

-she’s so grateful because most of the guys she’s dated have been dicks to her

-and when you come along and treat her like a princess she wants to cry tbh

-she gives you so many hugs n kisses

[stolitzsings]

Okay this is gonna a (VERY) long post but it's my attempt to get my thoughts in order about Stolas, Blitz, and what we've seen of their dynamic so far. I can understand why some people would think they made Stolas "too soft" or walked his less admirable character traits back too much, but I think the show's choices for him make a lot of sense in context. Helluva Boss also relies a lot on subtext, and often doesn't feel the need to directly spell things out, which I think makes a lot of sense for a show in which almost every character is dealing with some sort of trauma or issue that severely impacts how they interact with the world. Why did they do this shitty thing? Fuck, they don’t know, so how would the audience possibly find out? Everyone in this show is an unreliable narrator, and I think that's one of its strengths.

So. Blitz and Stolas are both kind of shitty to each other, and that makes them better and more interesting characters.

Let's start with Stolas. While he is clearly my favorite character, I have very little interest in making "excuses" for his behavior, and I think doing so actively takes away from what makes him interesting. Instead, I want to look at what led him to excuse his OWN behavior, and what finally made him realize how he was hurting Blitz.

So, the book. Stolas may have been a little naive about why Blitz was breaking into his room (and easily allowed himself to be convinced that fucking SOMEONE thought he was worth going even a little out of their way for), but once Blitz left with the Grimoire I bet Stolas figured it out pretty quick. I can imagine his response being mostly pain and anger; he finally thought someone wanted him, and it's just another bid for his power. Well, fine, he can play that game too.

Two of the primary relationships Stolas had, with Paimon and with Stella, were all about power. A marriage to maintain the Goetia family's power, and a father whose only solution to his son's sadness and loneliness was to throw money and influence around until something stopped the crying. So it's an easy jump for Stolas to decide to leverage his power to force Blitz back into his life. And again, this isn't about "poor sad boy didn't know relationships could be built on mutual respect," it's "this is why he decided to do this and why it was easy for him to rationalize his behavior."

On the topic of rationalization, Blitz was the one who initiated the relationship, right? And they were both getting something they wanted out of it. Blitz got the book for his little business venture, and Stolas got intimacy and contact with Blitz. That's how he justified it, anyway, while either not seeing or purposefully ignoring the way that being treated like a servant to be summoned or dismissed at will would impact Blitz. And Blitz's go-to response to anyone, even people he really cares about, is to be sarcastic and insulting, so Stolas could easily use that as justification for Blitz's harsh comments. It's just banter or Blitz being Blitz, probably. While never stopping to think about the possibility that Blitz was really uncomfortable or unhappy with their relationship. The closest he comes to acknowledging this is when he's having his little cereal and telenovela pity party, thinking about how Blitz doesn't seem to feel the same way about him, so it's possible he's already beginning to see the cracks in the foundation of their relationship, or realize that there's no amount of time he can make Blitz spend with him that will lead to him returning his feelings.

However, the first time he really understands the damage he's done is after Ozzie's. He realizes he's been treating Blitz as a plaything, something to pick up or put down whenever he wants, and so of course Blitz thinks that's all he is to Stolas. This is made clear when we see him scrolling through his camera roll, and he realizes that Blitz looks annoyed and uncomfortable with him. He understands that his relationship with Blitz is a "comfortable lie" of which he's happily convinced himself.

Immediately after realizing this we see the shift. His characterization is different in season 2 because HE'S different, or at least trying to be. He immediately tries to find a way to free Blitz from their arrangement, and tries to understand and consider his feelings. We see in his text messages that he apologizes to Blitz for his behavior at Ozzie's, and tells him that he can just leave the Grimoire at his place for the next full moon. He says he doesn't want to be a bother.

"Just Look My Way" is the culmination of everything he's been wrestling with. He expresses so much tenderness and affection for Blitz and just wants to keep him close, but "[he] know[s] better now." He has to let Blitz make his own choices, and he desperately hopes that Blitz will see that he's trying. He recognizes that he's been using Blitz as "means to an end," to get the attention and intimacy he wanted from him.

He is also trying to understand Blitz and what he's feeling. He knows that Blitz is wrestling with things Stolas doesn't know about, and wants to help. Stolas sees Blitz's ambition, his drive, and the way that Hell treats him for being an imp, and how that broke him down and made him so guarded. While it's not explicitly stated, the case could be made that Stolas is also recognizing the way in which he has belittled or dismissed Blitz because he's an imp, and how much that would have hurt and only put up more walls between them.

Finally, he recognizes that, by freeing Blitz from their arrangement, Blitz might remain permanently out of his reach, and he resigns himself to that.

To summarize, Stolas has undergone a lot of painful, difficult character growth in a very short amount of time. He has realized that he was selfish, and lied to himself in order to justify his treatment of Blitz, and because of that he may have ruined their relationship forever. His character wasn't changed by the writers, he's just changing as a character. The realization that you've hurt someone you care about can be a very powerful motivator.

Speaking of hurting people you care about, let's talk about Blitz! His emotional timeline is a little harder to pin down. We know Stolas always had a thing for him, but we don't know when Blitz began to return those feelings. You could make the case that it started as early as their first night together, when "I can do this real fast" before he absconded with the Grimoire turned into falling asleep in each other's arms. It's clear he felt something--although it may have just been pity or remorse--at finding out how desperately lonely and touch-starved Stolas had been.

Regardless of when his feelings started, we know he was becoming aware of them by "Truth Seekers," and was distinctly unsettled by how they might affect him. He clearly put Stolas on a pedestal, someone out of his reach but alluring, someone he might allow himself to be "chained" by and trapped by his own emotional vulnerability. In fact the idea of Stolas vanishing from his life like the others is represented as clinging, burning feathers that bind and torture him. While there are a lot of possible analyses of his trip sequence, I interpreted that part as, "if he goes too it might be the one that breaks me." It's something so vulnerable and raw that it manifests as physical agony.

Still, in that episode we see him realize that he needs to open up a little, and actually be honest and vulnerable with the people he cares about. He does this immediately with Moxxie, and I would argue that he does this at the end of the episode with Stolas as well. The scene between them is, well, intimate. The way he draws his finger across Stolas's face clearly communicates, "I know what you like, and I want to make you feel good" (and yes, I am completely feral about it). It's flirty, it's affectionate, and it's also the first time we see them kiss. It may be one of the first times he shows affection for Stolas in front of the other IMP employees. And for Blitz? That's a lot. It seems like he's decided to open up a bit with Stolas, as well.

His decision to ask Stolas to Ozzie's could also be part of opening up. I mean, on the one hand, it's definitely "if I show up with a demon prince they have to let me in," but there might also be a bit of "it's a convenient excuse to ask him out without having to feel vulnerable because I can pretend it's just a scheme" mixed in. He even sounds a little rueful when Stolas points out it's their first date, possibly because he's realized he's using Stolas to spy on his employees whereas Stolas seems genuinely excited for a night out together.

Unfortunately for both of them, Blitz decided to open up and was immediately forced back into his shell at Ozzie's. He tries to stick up for M&M, gets humiliated by his former best friend and his ex girlfriend, and then, when Ozzie goads Stolas about their relationship, Stolas literally hides his face behind his menu, which Blitz of course interprets as him being ashamed to be seen with him. Personally, I don't think that was Stolas's thought process. I think it's more likely he was thinking about Via and how he'd blown her life up, or worrying that he WAS just selfish and should have stayed in his marriage. Whatever it was, I think it's a lot more likely to come from Stolas's internalized guilt or shame rather than any embarassment about Blitz.

But Blitz doesn't know that, of course, so he assumes the worst. Of course Stolas is ashamed of him, who wouldn't be? And it all spirals from there. Stolas is fine with fucking him or acknowledging him in some two-bit town in Wrath, but put him among his own kind and he's too embarassed to look at him, let alone defend him. So just when he decides to be vulnerable, he immediately feels betrayed. He's convinced that Stolas doesn't actually care about him.

The scene in the van is heartbreaking on a rewatch. Stolas invites him in, which Blitz assumes is a ploy, and he literally has to hold up a hand and pause for a moment to keep himself together. He even apologizes for not coming in. He's fucking devastated, and he feels like this is just another relationship that's going to crumble into dust. He thinks he's going to die alone. We end the season with him looking back through all the relationships he's ruined and breaking down in tears. Yet again, he's pushing people away before they have the chance to leave him.

As with Stolas, Blitz's camera roll provides invaluable insight into his character. He has pictures of himself with all his loved ones, including Stolas. Either he very rarely takes pictures, or he has a folder for people who are important to him. Either way, it's clear he treasures these pictures, and he puts Stolas's photo in there, too. Crucially, it's a photo taken while Stolas is asleep. He allows himself to express his feelings for Stolas very rarely, often when he's sure Stolas can't see him. We see it in his blush over Stolas's human form in "Seeing Stars," and later in that episode when Stolas tells him he'll "leave [the audience] breathless" and we see that smile spreading over his face. The feelings are there, but showing them openly without three defensive layers of sarcasm and shittiness makes him feel too exposed.

And then here comes "Western Energy." Yeehaw. I think confining Blitz to a hospital waiting room for most of this episode was a smart way to delay gratification for an audience (me) that desperately wanted to see him come charging in action hero style to sweep Stolas off his feet. It's the perfect level of "I really need to get this mundane but very real and important thing done." He's trying to be there for his daughter when she's scared and she needs pretty critical preventative healthcare. He's stuck there, frustrated, yelling at everyone in the waiting room, clearly worried about Stolas but telling himself that Millie and Moxxie could handle it. And they did, eventually, but what might a few extra minutes have done if they didn't drop Blitz and Loona off at the hospital first?

Blitz barely sees Stolas at all in this episode, but what he does see is so impactful. Watching a swarm of doctors in the fucking SLOTH ring running to his van, getting knocked down, and then only seeing Stolas's tail feathers passing over him as he finally understands that something is terribly wrong. It's a beautifully done scene. And then his sheer disbelief when Millie and Moxxie explain what happened.

"He can get hurt?" Stolas was, to him, untouchable and unobtainable. This was the first time he had to reckon with the fact that Stolas could get injured, or even die; that there were more ways to lose him than by just pushing him away. I think it parallels how he'd been thinking about Stolas's emotions, as well. How could anything he said impact a demon prince? Especially one who just viewed him as a plaything? Realizing that Stolas was physically vulnerable made him realize that he was emotionally vulnerable, as well.

The events of "Western Energy" also parallel what we now know of his relationship with Fizz. He couldn't get help for Fizz in time, and it nearly killed him. And because Millie and Moxxie were delayed in getting to Stolas, he almost died as well. This only encouraged him to push Stolas away further. He HAS to convince himself that Stolas doesn't care about him, because that's the only way to get enough distance that it won't hurt as bad if Stolas leaves him or is taken from him.

In summary, Blitz defends himself by walling himself off, hiding his true feelings, and being an asshole to people he cares about. While he tries to open up a little after "Truth Seekers," he assumes the worst of Stolas's behavior at Ozzie's and convinces himself Stolas doesn't care about him at all. His realization that Stolas can be hurt in "Western Energy" only encourages him to push himself further away in order to preempt what he sees as the inevitable moment when he loses Stolas too.

We're coming into season 2 part 2 at a time of transition for both characters. Stolas's mistake was trying so hard to bind Blitz to him, and now he's realizing that he has to let him go. Blitz's mistake was always pushing people away, and he's finally trying to repair some relationships like with his sister and Fizz. These goals, alongside their chronic inability to communicate, could easily clash in spectacular and hearbreaking ways in the coming episodes. Whatever happens, I'm excited to see what the creators have in store.

[snowblack-charcoalwhite]

I just want to know what Ewan meant by Aemond being gray this season as opposed to being completely black last season (which he wasn't). Aemond's "different shades" so far have only been shades we've already seen in s1, he actually had more emotions after Luke's death than he did in s2 and we saw glimpses of his vulnerability in ep9. He even felt grief for Viserys of all people (confirmed by the script). Was Ewan really talking about the two brief brothel scenes that took less than two minutes of screentime? And if Aemond does banish his mother.... That's something I can see the showrunners doing because women must always suffer from evil men, but that's so cartoonish at this point, I can't take it seriously. They can't have Alicent leaving her daughter but they have to remove her from Kings landing before the fall because god forbid show Alicent would defend the city like her book counterpart... This is insane. Why does everyone get new storylines and Emond just becomes a scapegoat for the showrunners who have to take the blame so everyone else gets whitewashed, but he can't even get proper time for his villainy? They're only turning into a boring villain. But I'm just really confused why would Ewan say that one of Aemond's motivations is to make his mother happy (in his mind) if he treats her like that? And that Aemond remembers Driftmark and how she was the only one who stood by him. Or this is another lie from Ewan just like "Aemond's redeeming quality is his loyalty"? I don't like it when the cast is setting the expectations only to subvert it on screen.

Hello!

Right, I (just like pretty much everyone in the fandom, I believe) noticed the discrepancies between the things Ewan said in the interviews and what we have (or haven't) seen on screen. To be fair, it concerns other actors as well (like Tom stating multiple times that Aegon and Aemond love each other no matter what and talking about Aegon's growing respect for Helaena, Fabien mentioning "he wants what she wants" thing about Criston and Alicent, Steve painting Corlys and Rhaenys' marriage in a better light that it actually looks in the show) with Aemond/Ewan situation merely being the most glaring example. And the reason it is the most glaring example is that Aemond IMO got the clumsiest and most meaningless character butchering of them all.

As for the reasons the actors (Ewan among them) keep misleading the viewers, there are several possibilities (that can - and IMO do - coexist):

While I don't think HotD cast are merely parroting the words put in their mouths by HBO team, the latter definitely give them some instructions with regards to the way they are supposed to talk about their characters and the things they need to/can't say. So, in some cases, the actors basically have to deceive the audience.

For some time now I've had an impression that the actors don't have full information on which scenes actually make it to the final version and which get cut before they see the show (once again remembering Matt Smith not knowing about "Daemon fighting Crabfeeder and his army" scene being a silent one for his character). And even if they are actually told beforehand which scenes are included in the show, I think that actors' perception of their characters are influenced by every scene they filmed (and even by some they didn't - but that's point number 3). So, during the promo the cast might take into account some scenes or plot points that we, the viewers, might never even learn about.

Each actor has their own view and opinion on their character - and this view is based not only on the script but on their own thoughts and even headcanons. I believe that is the case for the brotherly love (albeit a "weird" one) that Aegon and Aemond feel for each other according to Tom (by the way, he also mentioned the readiness for backstabbing between them being a mutual thing - define backstabbing) or for Aemond having some kind of love for and loyalty to his brother according to Ewan (define loyalty). In part this also might go for the "coloring" assigned to Aemond by Ewan.

There could be one more adjacent reason - and the saddest one: Ewan is not happy with the way Aemond's story is being told in the show (it could be noticed during several moments in the promo) and was trying his best to make the audience see the Aemond that he sees. And, well, I can't speak for other people (either fans or casual viewers) but I personally don't have it in me to judge him (or any other HotD actor doing the same thing) for it - even though, just like you, I'm not fond of being misled. Imagine giving so much thought, time, energy and love to a character, having high hopes for his development - only to be given... this. Combine it with the point number 1 (at best actors are not allowed to reveal much of what's actually going on with their characters during the promo, at worst they are told to tell lies or half-truths) and the fact that Ewan has very little experience in the 'doing promo' department - and we might just get what we, in fact, got.

[ravetillyoucry]

PUPARIA

Chapter 11 - No Moon At All

prev - chapter 1

"... So, you haven't missed all that much really." Hosah slouched back into the booth seat, greatly undermining the gravity of all he'd just explained to the recently absent detective.

The ashy, almost silver, haired man opposite him seemed to be at a loss for words. Looking at him and Jeanne sat beside each other was definitely an interesting sight. In terms of just about everything, the two were polar opposites, maybe that was why their relationship seemed so distant, so cold, so strained. Hosah had told Teddy all about his concerns about the pair, but the lunch time they'd spend together, the first time as a whole group, would surely show his assistant exactly what he meant.

One thing the shifter always liked about Thierri is how they seemed to be on the same wavelength. There was no feeling of making things weird or awkward in a conversation with the guy, he seemed to always understand just exactly where Hosah was coming from, which was nice when he didn't really want any logical solutions to his problems, just someone to validate him and indulge in whatever delusional perspective he had.

"Oh yeah, same old same old, right?" Thierri tilted his head in a shrug of mutual understanding, taking a sip of his disgustingly sweetened coffee all the while.

These kinds of conversations were the ones Hosah’s father had taught him were just in man’s nature, playing down their struggles in phrases like ‘Living the dream’ or ‘Nothing new’ , not making a spectacle out of their struggle. It was a lesson the shifter carried with him through every day life, one that men such as himself wouldn’t be too talkative of their struggles as to not worry anyone, his respective job as a man to be the one to help others, and not to be helped.

It was at this point when the shifter realised he'd been the only one speaking this entire time, his coworkers all having an air of uncomfortable tension about them, an unresolved issue that Hosah had no idea about. Eugh. So awkward. The only thing filling the void of conversation was the painful sound of cutlery against the ceramic plates. God, that noise, it drove the shifter absolutely insane.

Rather than focusing on the people in-front of him, Hosah would rather just eat whatever food he'd spent an unreasonable amount of money on, and that was really saying something. It was too pretty to eat. A cute little slice of the same cake Teddy had bought for him a week or two prior, hand iced with little slices of strawberries between the layers, cemented by whipped cream. He fidgeted with his fork in his hand, trying to calculate what bites would be the best in order to get the most satisfaction out of the cake.

This was something Hosah had done ever since he could remember, it'd start with the second best bite, then he'd work his way around the meal picking out the more unsatisfying parts until he'd gotten to the very best bite at the end. Very much impractical, but the thought of not doing this just made him want to not eat at all. Not necessarily a good habit, but it could be worse.

A hand giving a reassuring rub on his knee caught him off guard. It was Teddy, with a slightly concerned smile plastered across his face, eyebrows angled down, as if to say 'All good?'. It was already hellish before Hosah had said anything about his doctors concerns, how everyone treat him as some fragile, incapable victim, constantly on the brink of breaking, but everything was about to get at least a hundred times worse from here on out.

Another thing getting progressively worse was the tension around the lunch table. The shifter desperately wanted to break the silence, feeling like a child in the middle of a messy divorce, but there was nothing that came to mind in terms of conversation topics. Lately, Hosah found himself praying for divine intervention a lot more than he usually would.

"Oh, also, autopsies came back whilst you three were sent over to the bakery." Jeanne, like the angel he was, swooped in to save the group from certain death due to awkward silence.

If the shifter had put the fork to his mouth in all the time his food had been sitting there, he would've surely spat it out in surprise. "Really? What happened? What did they all say?"

Hosah could assume the last victim had bled out from his assistant's observation, but the rest seemed to be in perfect health on the outside, aside from the fact they were dead, of course.

"Well, they all seemed to have overdosed, aside from fifteen. Looks like whoever done it has access to the medication they give the shifters who grow in order to keep them regular sized." The dark haired, one-eyed detective took a sip of his drink, leaving Hosah at the edge of his seat, wide eyed, waiting for more detail. "Obviously, 'ts gonna work differently when you're on the opposite side of the shifter spectrum. Did it to keep them small I guess."

Ugh. The more detail the shifter received, the more he wished he'd just stayed in Colorado on shit money working in retail by day, babysitting by night.

Hosah had almost forgotten there were other people around the table aside from himself and Jeanne as his assistant interjected,

"How can people do that. I don't understand. I.. What would motivate anyone to treat others so badly." Teddy didn't look at the shifter beside him, or at anyone around them in-fact, instead, staring off into the distance with glossy eyes and a pursed lip.

The shifter was always aware that his assistant was quite perceptive and insightful, but he’d not expected such a high level of empathy toward his own situation. Only made sense, given his reaction to having the parents identify their child’s shrunken, rotting corpse in front of him. Now seemed like the time for Hosah to take his turn giving the man a pat on the leg, to let him know all would be okay, even if he didn’t fully believe that himself.

"Man, you should get on the internet and just see these kinds of message forums. Just unbridled, unprecedented hatred. I don't know what the fuck we did to them, it's these fucking.. Conspiracy theorists. They have their own shitty lives, and instead of realising maybe they're the reason for it, they want to look to anywhere else but themselves to put the blame. We're just easy targets, easy to say that we use everyone around us, that we're just the same as any other city rat running around the streets spreading all kinds of diseases."

Oops, Hosah didn't mean to rant on like that. In embarrassment, he quickly shovelled his first bite of the strawberry shortcake into his mouth, hoping someone else would pick up the conversation, or the topic would be changed.

"Mmm. After all, with great power comes great responsibility. Most don't know how to handle having such an imbalance over people in this world. People take advantage of others even when they don't have to power to kill them with one harsh movement, you guys have never stood a chance really." That last part may have been a little offensive, but Jeanne was right.

Mouth filled, all the shifter could do was give a passionate 'Mmm' with a point over to his superior in support of his statement. How great, he knew inviting Jeanne wasn't such a bad idea, look at these high intellect, insightful conversations being had. Anyone who overheard must be thinking , 'Woah, what a set of intelligent and handsome young men' .

"That reminds me, actually, sorry for the other day, Jeanne, I was careless and couldn't handle my emotions. Sorry." Teddy perked up, this was something the shifter had no idea about, what the fuck did Teddy of all people have to apologise to Jeanne about?

Was this why his friend had been avoiding the two all this time? What happened whilst Hosah wasn't there? When was Hosah not there?

"Damn, bitch, what'd you do?" , was the most casual way Hosah could put all of his questions.

Instead of giving a straightforward answer, the ghostly looking detective sitting opposite him waved Hosah off, "Long story, no big deal, it's all resolved now, just a.. misunderstanding. Don't worry about it."

Hm. No, no yeah, the shifter was definitely going to worry about it.

Everyone, now seemingly at ease, continued to chat about nothing as Hosah continued to question in his mind just what could've happened between the two. Chowing down on the cake, he wondered how exactly they got into a situation where they'd be fighting. In fact, Hosah became so deep in thought that he'd actually cleared the plate in front of him. Perfect! One less problem to worry about, surely now that he'd eaten one slice of cake, that means all future food related issues have been defeated, and he'll never have to worry about that specialist appointment or his doctor's theories ever again!

Feeling all proud of himself, Hosah and his assistant trailed behind the two detectives in front of them, walking in pairs back to the office.

Teddy took the shifter by the shoulder, pulling him in closer, his hand cupping the blonde head and pressing it into around his collar bone area due to the height difference. "We should go back to that cafe more often, since the food is good there,"

"Psh, come on," Hosah scoffed, his neck now craned up to rest his stubbled chin on his assistant's shoulder, "I told you, there's nothing wrong with me, just been too stressed to have any kind of appetite lately." If that were the case, the shifter would've been stressed every moment of his life.

It was better if he gave everyone one less thing to worry about anyway, there was enough on Teddy's plate, despite his claims of wanting to help, the shifter knew it was just too much to ask from him. This would be something Hosah would handle himself, given that everything else in his life was a shared task. It was his right as a man after all, to take care of his own shit and to not expect the people around him to help him with it.

"Right." Teddy didn't let go of the detectives head, instead playing with his hair, his fingertips moving in satisfying circles.

As much as he didn't want to admit it, the sensation was very nice. They probably looked like a couple to everyone else around them, but for once in his life, Hosah didn't really care. He couldn’t even really be bothered if his stalker took notice, maybe it’d teach them to back off, now that he had a guard dog that’d stick by his side during every second of the day.

That reminded him, his hair was one of the things on his mental list of 'jobs to cover once you're normal sized', "On the way back home, can we stop at the convenience store? Need to fix my hair, it's all grown out and shit."

"Yeah, yeah sure. I can help you with the back if you need it." Teddy reassured the shifter, despite wanting to say ‘Yeah, I can see that’.

Hosah was gonna need all the help he could get after the last time he tried to do this job alone, exhibit A of the disaster being his current state. Yellowed, with a texture similar to that of straw or hay, as his hair desperately wanted to curl, but would he brushed out and left a frizzy mess.

-~-

"I don't know, what do hairdressers do, bleach first or haircut first?" The shifter had never actually had his hair cut or bleached by a professional, which is probably why it looked so choppy and bad.

Teddy didn't look up from the instructions ok the box, "Never been to a barbers before?" he smiled, not in a demeaning way, but it still annoyed Hosah just a little.

"Nope. My grandpa owned his own barber shop so he taught my dad how to cut hair. He usually did it for me."

Instead of using his words, the assistant gave a little 'Mmm' of understanding, too indulged in using the box guide rather than trusting the process as Hosah usually did.

"Okay," he said, grabbing a towel from the back of the bathroom door in which they sat in, "Colour first, then cut."

Despite insisting to do it himself as he had done so countless times in the past, Teddy had already decided he was going to play hairdresser today, with the shifter sitting shirtless on a stool in the already cramped bathroom as his hair was being covered in the shitty store bought shit he'd become accustomed to.

"You do this yourself usually, right?"

"Yup."

".. Can tell." Teddy winced as he got around to the back of the shifter's head.

Turning back to look at the man behind him, Hosah asked, "What, is it bad? Why didn't you tell me before?"

"Keep your head forward." the assistant used his un-gloved hand to give Hosah's cheek a gentle touch back into the previous position it was in before, "No, it's not bad, it's just.. Roots are pretty long. And the length. 'Ts like mullet."

"Shut up, no it's not, it was just buzzed before, that's all"

Hosah didn't take kindly to being laughed at, resting his elbows on his knees and cupping his face in his hands like a bored schoolboy.

It was particularly hard not to squirm with the sensation of the brush against the back of his neck, Teddy's fingers gently pressing against the almond skin, keeping the shifter in place as he brushed from the ends to the roots of his choppy hair.

Shivering under the touch, Hosah felt the need to clarify, "Sorry, the bristles tickle."

"Not much left to do now," his assistant said under his breath, "Your hair is just.. very thick. It's nice."

The shifter got stuck between saying thank you or saying something self deprecating, ultimately deciding silence was the best way to take the compliment. Letting people say nice things about him put Hosah at unease, as if acknowledging it would make him come off as big-headed or vain, so instead he usually just denied it instead.

It was proving to be very difficult not to shift whilst in his seat, with the skin to skin contact around his shoulder and the gentle brushing of the bleach against his scalp. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Hosah's default size was three inches tall, he's the most comfortable when shrunken, being a 'regular' height to him felt like one massive perpetual growing pain that filled his entire body.

Despite the pain of getting around, the least physically painful time of his life was probably when he'd gotten height stuck for three months. Over time, the shifter learnt to just tune out his chronic pains, but getting into a comfortable position in life where he had someone to look after him, the thought of just staying tiny forever became overwhelmingly tempting.

" 'Kay, looks completely covered to me." Teddy said in a sigh, removing his singular glove, "Now we wait."

The urge to run his hands through his bleach covered hair was difficult to overcome, "I'm gonna go put a record on,"

It was honestly a miracle that Teddy also owned a record player, as the world had made its shift from tapes and vinyls to CDs and ipods, but that was one thing Hosah took immense pride in. His vinyl collection spanned all the way back to the fifties, as a good portion of the records he'd amassed were 'borrowed' from his father. Scanning through the box he'd had his assistant bring over, ultimately the shifter decided on a little Townes Van Zandt, playing Hosah's all time favourite song 'I'll Be Here In The Morning'.

This song always reminded Hosah of his ultimate dream, living in that cabin on the islet in the lake, although there were some sour memories and feelings attached to it, he felt as though he'd spent too many years fantasising about it to give up now.

"I never really pegged you as a country type of guy." The voice came from the figure leant up against the bathroom door frame, almost being as tall as the door itself.

"Well," Hosah sighed, "I'm not really that picky. Jazz is my favourite though. Just sucks that all the best artists are dead now."

Teddy laughed as he approached, their height difference being more prominent that ever as he stood directly in front of the shifter now, "There are still some talented musicians. Can go to one of those Jazz Clubs and bars over the weekend, it'll be fun."

The taller figure leant down, close to Hosah's face, which was hidden by the fact he'd chosen to stare at the rug underneath him rather than the person he was talking to. If that was Teddy's idea of weekend fun, then the shifter had been doing it wrong his whole life.

"Sounds nice, yeah," Hosah turned his head even further to the side as he spoke, desperately trying to hide how red he'd gotten from the close proximity.

It wasn't supposed to be happening this way around, it had been years since the shifter had been teased by a man, he'd grown used to being the one having to initiate all these sorts of feelings. It was a pleasant change of pace, one he welcomed like an old friend at his doorstep.

"Cool." Teddy echoed the shifters own words back to him.

Hosah would’ve taken this as his sign for a smoke break if he didn’t have a thick layer of convenience store hair bleach on his head. The pain of his own flustered-ness was almost unbearable, but his morbid curiosity kept him around the sofa on which his assistant had now sat on, waiting for what move he would make next, if any at all.

Still, with his eyes focused on the wooden floor under his feet, the shifter could feel eyes lingering on him.

“Hey, do we not need to put like, I don’t know, foil in your hair, or a plastic bag?” Teddy asked, his head tilted to rest on one of the many pillows accumulated on the couch.

“No clue. What are you, some kind of professional?” Hosah joked, hoping his downturned eyebrows and his squinted eyes would distract from the shade of red his face had turned.

His roommate just shrugged, “Might as well be, my mom spent more time in hair salons then she ever did at any of my games and shit.”

“Ahh, so you played a lot of sports as a kid then?” Now they were getting somewhere. A nice common ground for the two to stand on.

“I mean,” Teddy stood to his full height, “Look at me. I was six foot by my fourteenth birthday. They begged me to join the basketball team.”

Sounded about right.

“Kind of always expected you to be more, you know,” Hosah took a moment to consider whether the other person would take offence, ultimately deciding he didn’t really care as he did his best ‘classic highschool movie nerd’ voice, “In the book club.”

“God, I should’ve been,” Luckily, Teddy took it like a champ, laughing it off, showing his radiant smile, “What about you? Not really the football type, right?”

“Baseball. I was fuckin’ great at it too. Short and skinny, aerodynamic you know? Then I started shifting more, and I got busy with all the doctors visits and health consultations, had to quit in the end.”

A bittersweet memory, but still one Hosah looked back on fondly. It was one of the only times he really felt like part of a friend group as a kid.

“Yeah, I can picture that, you in the cap and the cleats?” Teddy went back to his previous teasing ways, an unexpected turn for the person the shifter assumed to be quite the prude about these kinds of things.

All discombobulated, Hosah struggled to get his words out in one piece, “I think it’s time to rinse.”

Without turning back, the shifter speedily shuffled back to the bathroom, with Teddy following close behind him.

“Just sit down on the floor and hang your head over the side of the tub,” Teddy instructed, grabbing a towel from the bathroom door, shutting it behind him all the while.

Hosah obediently followed the instructions given to him, his neck uncomfortably craned up so it rested on the bathtub’s walls, his hair still stuck in its same position due to the solution in it.

The warm water hitting his scalp certainly was a pleasant feeling, the hard pressure of the shower head being weirdly soft against the tender skin the water pounded down upon. If it wasn’t hard to shrink before, it was definitely a challenge to stay his current size now. Hosah hadn’t even realised how he’d had his eyes closed for a while now, enjoying the pampering of which the likes he’d never experienced.

“It’s nice, right?” Teddy laughed, although the shifter had no plans on saying anything in return, being too indulged in the process to even notice the fact his assistant had said anything at all.

And that wasn’t even the best part, Hosah knew true bliss as the shower head was turned off, Teddy moving over to the shampooing process. Gentle fingertips massaging the purple solution into his scalp, the sensation being so satisfying that it brought a wide, involuntary smile to the shifter’s face.

It was moments like these which made Hosah wish for just a few seconds, he could leave his body and look in from an outsiders perspective. Seeing this moment from the angle of a painted idea would probably be pretty beautiful, although his position, leaning up with his head hanging over the tub, probably wasn’t all that nice looking from a third person view point.

Teddy lifted the jug of perfectly warm water, carefully rinsing the shifter’s hair of the soapy mixture he’d just rubbed in, brushing his fingers through the freshly bleached locks to make sure he got all of it out.

As the shifter opened his eyes, long after the sensation had ended, he was met with that same smug look Teddy sometimes carried, when he’d gotten his way with things.

“Enjoy yourself?” He asked, taking it upon himself to start drying Hosah’s hair, delicately scrunching the ends rather than the usual scrub the shifter would give to his own scalp after washing it.

Hosah scoffed, too flustered to think of anything witty to get his assistant back with.

The pair sat on the cold, tiled floor together, Teddy tenderly rubbing the towel in a circular motion against Hosah’s head, the setting sun gleaming in through the small, stained glass window above the toilet which they were hanging out beside. Even with the mess from the bleaching job that just took place, Hosah could picture how beautifully picturesque this scene probably looked. Trying to imagine himself from a different perspective than his own was difficult, but it was one he was willing to try out in hopes of painting this moment, as payment for his assistant’s care.

This reminded him, he had to ask what specifically Teddy wanted him to paint for him.

“You know that painting I promised you?” Hosah began his inquiry, his big brown doe eyes looking up innocently at the figure which sat above him.

“How could I forget?”

His hands balling up into tense fists, the shifter continued, “What specifically did you have in mind for that? Just so I can get started,”

Teddy’s eyes adverted from the task at hand to look at the shifter below him, “Anything you think would be best. I wouldn’t even mind if you threw something you did years ago at me, to be honest,”

Great, perfect, that means Hosah had free rein on what he was creating, just how he liked it. But now was the hard part, making something as equally as beautiful as the person he was making it for. The task seemed daunting, almost impossible, but the shifter wouldn’t want to let Teddy down, especially not after all he’d done for him so far, with more aid surely to come in the future.

“There,” Teddy moved a few inches back, now sitting on his butt the same as the shifter did rather than on his knees, “All better now.”

Hurriedly, Hosah got up to look at his new and improved hair in the mirror, and sure enough, it looked even better than it did the last time he’d done it himself. He felt finally whole again, finally himself as his hair had been returned to the sleek, almost white colour it once was. There was still a little dark root peaking through, but this time it looked very intentional, and it made his head hair match his facial hair and eyebrows, which was always nice.

“You like?” Teddy asked, moving in behind the shifter, resting his chin on the damp hair.

“Yeah, yeah of course. Best it’s ever been.” Despite wanting to be angry over how his assistant positioned himself, Hosah couldn’t bring himself to feel any negative emotions at all.

Looking Teddy in the eye through their reflection, the shifter added, “Thank you, it looks great.”

“Aww,” the pale arms wrapped around Hosah’s dainty shoulders swaying him left and right playfully, “Anytime.”

If this is what life would be like with Teddy, the shifter wasn’t sure he’d even want to return to his own apartment once all the crazed stalker shit had worn down.

[ultfreakme]

What do you think junpei interactions with yuta and the other second years would be like?

Sorry for the late af response!! I had irl stuff to deal with but now I've got time!!

Yuuta and Junpei huh? I think they'd get along pretty well. If this is second-year Yuuta after JJK 0, Yuuta would be a lot more confident and would approach Junpei and offer help and advice on adjusting. If Shibuya Arc and all that hadn't happened and this was just a chill, schoolmates meeting, then I think Yuuta would try to get to know Junpei better (very different response if Junpei's first encounter was during Shibuya arc, which would likely be right after he "killed" Yuuji which would immediately put Yuuta on his shit list). Offer to help him if he needs it. He can probably relate to Junpei wrt being a fish out water in the school. I think these two would get along the best among the second years.

Panda probably confuses Junpei as just an existing being. Like he's fascinated by the mechanics of how he has an autonomous conscience and wants to figure him out but otherwise I don't see these two being too close. Panda would dote on him as a cute underclassmen lol. Junpei hates being treated like some junior(Junpei's the same age as the second years). There's this cute senior-junior bond tho. Panda's existence is giving Junpei an existential crisis just because he spent so much time trying to figure out the worth of life, what a heart and soul means, etc.

Maki does not respect him at the start, especially after hearing about how he worked with a curse but is willing to give him a chance and slowly builds like, an allyship with him. Idk if I would call it a close friendship but they have mutual respect for each other. Once she gets to know him, she understands the powerlessness he felt. Junpei learns through watching her that he never needed CE or CT to fight back, and admires her for what she has lived through with the Zen'in clan. She's the senior who he kinda puts on a pedestal, and he likes her direct and cut throat approach to training because he's sick of Mahito's sweet and coddling mannerisms and now appreciates her honesty.

Inumaki and Junpei would get along just fine, no complications or big moments I think. Junpei is initially intimidated by him but when he sees him goofing around with Panda he realizes that he is a dork and they get along pretty well after that. The second year he doesn't have the closest tie to, but they get along okay and he, much like every other first year, gets dragged into shenanigans by him and Panda.

[bforbetterthanyou]

I’m curious…what is your opinion of Henry’s relationship with each of his wves?

Oh my goodness gracious, thank you for this, Anon! (This got ridiculously long so I’m putting it under a cut)

Okay I guess I’ll start with Catherine of Aragon since she never gets to go first…

Hot take (not really) but I don’t think she and Henry had this great romantic love. And, for the record, I think it was mutual. I don’t think either of them loved each other in a romantic way. However, I also don’t think that Henry married her because he was forced to…because who forced him? His father? Yeah, Henry claimed later on that he only married Catherine because it was his father’s “dying wish” (or something to that effect) but we don’t know if that’s actually true and also, Henry denounced the betrothal in 1505 and no one forced him to go through with it regardless. And, certainly, none of the naysayers were forcing him to go through with it. Catherine apologists make so much of Henry uses the “brother’s widow” excuse during the Great Matter and completely gloss over the fact that there were multiple people also citing this as a reason during the period of Catherine’s widowhood.

I think, what it came down to, was that Henry knew that Catherine had been living in wealthy poverty and was maybe not being treated very kindly by his father, and Henry was also dealing with his own poor treatment by his father, and so Henry saw himself as this knight in shining armor rescuing the damsel in distress. Of course, Henry and Catherine had also known each other for almost a decade—it’s hard to know exactly what their relationship was like during those years because I doubt they really interacted much, but if Catherine was kind to him then that would add to why Henry was so okay with ignoring the naysayers. And then, in the early years of their marriage, Henry came to admire and respect her.

Where things get complicated is the issue of their children. I remember once seeing this article Suzannah Lipscomb wrote where she speculated how their marriage would be if Henry, Duke of Cornwall had lived and Suzannah made it out to be that everything was all rainbows and sunshine and she was his beloved wife forever etc etc. That’s great, Suzy, but I really don’t think it’s, at all, realistic. Certainly, if Catherine had had a healthy son who survived, Henry wouldn’t have divorced her even after she hit menopause. But Ithink it’s very optimistic to say their marriage would’ve been perfect. Obviously, losing so many children didn’t help. But, like I said, I don’t think Henry was deeply in love with her, so I think it’s inevitable that he would’ve strayed (I guess is the right word?).

On to Anne (strap in y’all this already way too long answer is gonna get even longer).

So I mentioned how I don’t think Henry was really romantically in love with Catherine. I think that Anne was the first time (and the last time actually) that Henry genuinely, properly, fell in love with someone (sorry Bessie stans…do those exist? Probably…somewhere…I definitely feel like I’ve seen at least one person try to argue that Bessie was the great love of his life). Anyway, yeah I think Henry had all of these grand romantic ideas about himself and he believed himself to be in love with every pretty girl…and then he met Anne and his brain just short-circuited. (And, who can blame him, I mean Anne Boleyn is obviously the most perfect woman whose ever existed, I’m in love with her 😂). In all seriousness, Henry didn’t have the great passionate love with Catherine but he definitely had it with Anne. We could talk about what went wrong in that relationship, but I’ve already stated my opinion on that and almost got run off of Tumblr for it.

So moving on to Jane…

Oh dear. It amazes me how many people still believe Henry’s own propaganda. So, unfortunately, for those of you, it’s very clear to me that Henry never loved Jane at all. He treated her pretty poorly while she was alive. I think she appealed to him because she wasn’t Anne. After she died, he fell head over heels with the idea of her. But that’s about it.

Now, lucky number 4.

I feel like I don’t really need to say much about this one. Henry made his feelings about Anna pretty clear.

I guess I could talk about their post-divorce relationship. What’s sad is that I think Anna could’ve actually been good for him. She comes across as a pretty chill person, but she also enjoyed a lot of the same things that he enjoyed. I think, if Henry had just not done that stupid thing of thinking that he was still 20 years old and that Anna would magically recognize him somehow, then I think they could’ve been brilliant together.

Onto Katheryn number 2.

I feel like this one is pretty self-explanatory. Henry was getting old, he couldn’t exercise like he used to, he had mobility issues, he was becoming obese…and Katheryn made him feel young again. What’s interesting comparing Katheryn and Anne’s downfall—Anne died because she was powerful, Katheryn died because she was powerless.I mean, it’s not insignificant that Katheryn’s downfall took months while Anne’s took just a few weeks. Obviously, the suspicion of Katheryn committing adultery was embarrassing for him, but she stuck around so long under house arrest because the only real threat Katheryn posed was to Henry’s ego.

Yee-haw, it’s Kathryn Parr (any Rex Factor fans out there?)

This one I also feel like is pretty self-explanatory. By this point, Henry has alienated and killed everyone who ever cared about him so, naturally, he’s feeling pretty lonely. What I find most interesting is that Kathryn was older and more mature and, obviously learned. I think with Jane, especially, and to a lesser-extent, Katheryn, Henry was kind of over intelligent women who could stand up to him. But I get the sense that, after Katheryn’s execution, he kind of got tired of the subservient wife. I think Henry actually preferred intelligent, feisty women, but things had gone so horribly wrong with Anne that he wanted the opposite. But then he quickly got bored of the opposite. Obviously, at this point in Henry’s life he’s really not interested in anyone standing up to him or trying to impose their opinions on him, but he still wanted someone he could have a conversation with. And Kathryn, bless her, was clever enough to match him intellectually without pushing the boundaries too much.

Wow, this got so insanely long. I’ll put it under a cut so it doesn’t clog up anyone’s feed.

But, you know, when I really spell it out like this, it just emphasizes how frustrating it is when all the wives get lumped together and the last few even get largely ignored. Because, for all of them, their circumstances for becoming Henry’s wife were completely different, and all of their relationships with him are completely different. People act like him having six wves was inevitable or that his choices were completely random. On one level, I can understand why people lump them together in this neat “Six Wives” package but doing that completely ignores the fact that they were individuals, not just a part of this rotating door of arbitrarily chosen women.

[ordinaryschmuck]

So, I finally watched Hazbin Hotel...

Weird, given how I talked about it a bunch. Heck, one of my top rated posts at the moment is my interpretation regarding the fear in Alastor's eyes during his breakdown. But despite having opinions on Hazbin Hotel, I've never really checked the show out, especially as it was coming out. I was kind of waiting for all episodes to get released so I could binge it all in one sitting, but I kept pushing that off until TODAY, and...I have thoughts.

Pros:

Love the animation of the show. Every praise I could give animation is present, with each character being incredibly expressive, their movements fluid, and the animators know when to be stiff for comedic scenes and giving their all for the big musical numbers or action.

I also love the way these characters look. I hear people complain about how overdesigned everything is, and that's valid. I would NOT want to animate this show due to every detail that I'd have to keep track of. But...if we can still praise Spider-Verse despite the animators being under torturous conditions as they make every frame a work of art, we can give the animators the same pat on the back here for making this show look as good as it is. Besides, a few years ago we had people complaining how every western cartoon looks the same. Now we have a show that's the most visually distinct than a lot of animated series coming out today and now we're complaining about that? I'm a man who admires effort more than anything, and while I agree that simpler is better with televised animation, I'm still proud that the animators pulled through in this.

The songs are all great, with personal favorites being "Loser, Baby," "Hell's Greatest Dad," "Stayed Gone," "Hell is Forever," and "You Didn't Know." The weakest one is probably "Whatever it Takes," but it's not really BAD, not me. Just not as strong as the others. I dug this soundtrack and it was the main thing that suck me into this show.

Charlie, as a protagonist, is pretty strong. I love the irony of the daughter of Hell is the nicest person in existence and her frustrations in making the Hazbin Hotel a success a delight because you WANT her to succeed as much as everyone else does. Plus, where most adult comedies make their protagonists cynical a-holes, it's a nice change of pace to have a hopeful one that apologizes as she's fighting people. Love it.

Angel Dust is easy to root for. What he goes through with Valentino is...something that someone like me can't fully grasp and understand, let alone judge. But I personally feel like it does the job to show the tragedy that this character goes through and allows you to root for him to get better.

And I like that Husk is right there to support Angel Dust, being a sort of conscience to protect him despite how much Angel gets on Husk's nerves. I also dig that they grow closer together, treating each other with mutual respect and admiration. It's sweet and I hope things turn out well for these two. Plus, he's voiced by Kieth David. The man can't do wrong.

Nifty is the funniest character in the show, and I will hear no disagreements about it.

Sir Pentious is a lovable loser who's the second funniest character. He reminds me of Papyrus from Undertale, trying so hard to prove that he's strong and powerful only to hilariously fail at every turn. You really root for the guy to get better and feel grateful that he finds happiness in a way I'm not sure anyone could have expected.

Rosie only appeared in one episode, and she's already my favorite. The gal's chipper and supportive towards Charlie, to the point where I completely forgot that she was a cannibal overlord who killed her partner to take full control of the business. Again, I love the irony of characters like this.

Lucifer was more fun than expected. I thought he'd be Mr. Serious, but he's just as bombastic and fun-loving as Charlie and Jeremy Jordan sounds like he's having the time of his life being this character to the point where it's addicting.

Vox has the potential to be a great antagonist and it's a crime that he only has ONE episode with relevance. Hoping he gets more in the future.

And Alastor. I love the concept of a character always smiling with the only thing betraying him are his eyes. As someone who takes joy in facial expressions, I always have a great time trying to analyze a character's restrictions and seeing how they emote, especially when animators and artists utilize a character's eyes to do most of the talking. That's done here in spades, making Alastor more interesting of an evil character as he keeps people guessing with his devious smile, not even dropping it when he's having a mental breakdown.

All and all, I can see how this show can draw in an audience...BUT...

Cons:

The comedy misses more than it hits. The funniest stuff comes from Nifty and Sir Pentious, but other than that, I don't really laugh much with this show. The dramatic moments work decently enough, so that's a pro, but when it's trying to make you laugh, it crumbles for the most part.

The constant swearing does get on one's nerves a bit. Dialogue, more than anything, depends on character. And to have EVERYONE swear almost consistently feels like a misstep. Because if everyone shares a similar level of lingo, then how can you differentiate a character's line on paper. Plus, I feel like it cheapens certain character. Saint Peter, the man who greets you at the pearly gates, shouldn't be another character that goes, "Oh, shit" when him going "Oh, shucks" speaks more about who is compared to everyone else and gives a glimpse into how different Heaven is from Hell.

The dialogue also hurts a character like Adam too. I want to buy that he's Earth's first man, but having him talk like a douchebag rockstar kind of takes me out of it a bit. Like, the way he talks doesn't sound like how the first human being should sound. He sounds like a guy who died in the late eighties, which SHOULD be funny but it's too distracting too much of the time when a character who talks like an old man who's ignorant to modern thinking could have had so much to say about what Heaven deems as worthy to be up above. They nailed the ignorance, but had him speak it in a way that doesn't fit humanity's first man. Maybe less "Call me Dickmaster" and more more "Call me Sir."

Vaggie...is FINE, I guess? But her character faces the same problems as Millie in Helluva Boss, where most of her personality and character is dependent on the relationship she has with another.

I'm also not a fan of Chaggie. I'm sorry. I'm in love with the ship dynamic of the stern, responsible one paired with the bubbly optimist. Heck, I'm a Lumity shipper because of it. But Chaggie just...WHELMS me. I don't hate them together but I'm not foaming at the mouth with each cute scene they share either. Honestly, I ship Charlie more with Emily than I do Vaggie, which...sucks for Vaggie, I guess. But Emily deserves love in her life too, dammit.

And the pacing for this season really is bad. I don't think the problem with this show is that it had eight episodes. Less is more is a phrase for a reason and we don't need twenty episode long seasons for EVERY show. I prefer it, don't get me wrong. Allows characters the a chance to breath and allows the story to take its time more. But what kills Hazbin Hotel's first season is that it feels like a three-season long story just got wrapped up into ONE. I'm sure there's more plans with Heaven, the Vees, and especially Lilith, but to have the season end with the next extermination feels like Avatar ending its first season with Souzin's Comet. There's so much the characters need to do and prepare for in so little time, ending a status quo shaking event, that I feel like a smarter idea would have been splitting this season's story line up into three parts. I mean, unless the cast and crew didn't know ahead of time that they'd only get eight episodes a season, why not have a little faith that they could have split the story up better? Because otherwise, it makes the show feel like it went by way too quickly. Eight episodes isn't a problem, but how they use those eight episodes DO.

So, while I can absolutely see why Hazbin Hotel could have its fans, I can also see how it can put people off. The style and characters work well enough, but the dialogue, jokes, and story need much more polish. It's not the worst, but not the best either. I hope things improve in Season Two and that the show itself can redeem ITSELF in the future.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Happy (AO3) Anniversary to Another Level! 🎉 (and a long-ass Kiko rant bc who would I be without those?)

If you haven't already, you can read Another Level on AO3. I'm slowly posting the installments here on Tumblr as well 💕

I posted Make A God Bleed exactly a year ago and I never imagined that it would become what it has. Honestly, I created Rinko on a whim and she took on a life of her own that I’m so grateful for. I love our lil corner. I’ve loved pretty much every moment we’ve had here.

I wouldn’t have survived 236 without Rinko and our corner. I wouldn’t have gotten through it without all of you here, sharing my rage and my anger. And I wouldn’t have gotten through all the shit going down now, either.

But I told my best friend a few months ago that I truly never would have found the courage to finally get out of my toxic, loveless marriage if I hadn’t realized that I was writing a lot of Rinko and Satoru’s relationship the way that I so desperately wished my marriage was: one filled with mutual respect and love. Two people who love each other despite the hardships, through the hardships, and facing everything that comes at them together. Loving each other even when it’s hard. Working to be better for themselves and for each other. That’s love. Sometimes it’s easy and sometimes it’s hard, but at the end of the day, it should never feel lonely. It should never leave you feeling unwanted or unlovable or like a burden. It should never leave you feeling hopeless. It should never make you feel like you’re on an island all alone while you’re sitting right next to someone who claims to love you.

*tw for trauma dump, discussion of emotional abuse

When I finally told my ex-husband that I wanted a divorce, it was in response to his threat with it. Since we got married, in almost any disagreement or argument we had, he would attempt to end it by threatening me with, “Do you want to end up divorced? Because this is how we end up divorced." When I finally told him that yes, I did want to get divorced, he listed all the reasons he believed we couldn't. After he'd given a laundry list of reasons, all of which included what others would say or think, I realized and pointed out that he hadn't once said he wanted to stay married because he loved me and wanted to be with me.

He didn't want to stay married to me. He just didn't want to be divorced. To him, marriage was a status symbol, not love. To him, divorce was a threat and a weapon to keep me in line - to keep me from disagreeing with him. As if living life married to someone who threatened divorce instead of being willing to discuss and resolve our problems, someone who didn't want to go to marriage counseling because he didn't want 'homework' and didn't want to 'listen to a stranger tell him what to do,' someone who swore at me and called me names and treated me like a child when he was upset, someone who threw things at me and waved objects in my face and broke things when he was angry, someone who said that I never took responsibility for my actions but always blamed his own on me, was somehow better than being alone for the rest of my life.

I'm not perfect. I'll never claim to be perfect or blameless. There are absolutely ways I could have been better in my marriage and in life. But I finally realized that no matter my flaws, nothing excuses the way he treated me. Nothing excuses the number of times he purposefully made me wish I was dead; the number of times he glared at me with something so close to hatred while I had a panic attack and accused me of faking it to make him feel sorry for me; the number of times he stormed out and left me wondering if my existence in his life was truly so awful that it would be better if I was gone forever; the number of times that I had to sit alone in a room, sobbing as I tried to convince myself that dying wasn't the solution while my husband told me he wouldn't comfort me because I didn't deserve it. He told me that my years of therapy had done nothing for my mental health, but the fact that I'm still breathing proves him wrong.

I didn't do it alone. I had so much help. I had my therapist, my best friend, my family, my friends, and Rinko and all of you in our lil corner. So, thank you all again from the bottom of my heart.

Our Goinko has become so much more than I ever imagined. From Another Level to Physical Paradox to Gokudō, I genuinely love that so many people adore these two idiots as much as I do. It makes my heart jump every time someone tells me they’re rereading Another Level or that it’s their comfort because, in all honesty, it’s mine, too. It's incredible to see that people are still finding it and reading it for the first time. Seeing comments from people who binged it all in one night makes my entire day.

I’ve been so busy lately with my new job and trying to navigate what my life is now that I’m divorced that I really don’t have that much time to write, but I promise I’m still here. I will finish Physical Paradox, and I will finish Gokudō. And then I just might pick up my original work again and maybe get it published someday.

Hopefully, I’ll have an update of some kind for something soon, but we’ll see. I’ve decided to try to quit pressuring myself so much.

Thank you all again for being part of our lil corner and this incredible journey over the past year. I couldn’t have made it this far without you, and I’m so excited to see what this next year brings!

Also, a side note: my birthday is next week, and I’m going to have dinner and cake with my parents tonight to celebrate a bit early. I’m excited about my birthday for the first time since before I got married. I’m happy with where I am and with my life. My mother pointed out that she hadn’t heard me say that I was happy in years.

Sorry for this hella long rant, but I appreciate you reading it.

Much love to you all, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night!!

💕 Kiko

[joyfulapostate]

hi!!

for context, i was raised baptist, im queer, my mother converted in her late 20s i believe? and my father was raised strictly baptist as well. my mom has been listening to sermons on youtube obsessively, and my father will lose his mind if you (collective) say ANYTHING that has even the slightest chance of questioning the bible in any way. i’m closer with my mom than my dad, we both have adhd and im autistic, my dad is emotionally and verbally abusive.

i started questioning pretty much everything since mid 2020 ish??, and i just started accepting the idea that my parents would probably disown me, or at the very least ground me until they’re dead, if they knew anything about me that’s not an ✨image i’ve made specifically for them✨. (my main spotify acc has seen so many mental breakdowns it’s not even funny at this point😐)

anyways i just was wondering if there’s a Specific Reason i’ve been really really drawn to catholicism, catholic guilt, and really anything regarding that? it’s just been like A Thing for me especially really recently and i’m just always sitting there like “why tf do i feel like i have catholic guilt i’ve only stepped foot in a catholic church one single time and it was for a craft show????”

if there’s no specific answer that’s totally cool i just thought i’d try to ask someone who seems to know what they’re talking about bc ive been thinking about it a LOT recently

(i also feel like im letting down my grandma, she was the sweetest lady and she absolutely made my childhood so much better and im so grateful for her. she was pretty much the backbone of her church, she died seven years ago and i just feel like if she saw me now she wouldn’t recognize me even if she had every form of proof in the world it was me. i don’t know if she would even accept i was her grandkid at this point.)

It’s so great that you are giving yourself room to become more than what others expect you to be. We all deserve that. And it takes courage to create space for yourself, especially in a worldview that tends to reduce our self image.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with an abusive situation. Your safety is important and you deserve to have a healthy support system.

I think that the idea of “Catholic guilt” is a more popular trope than guilt from Protestant traditions. I see it mentioned more in personal conversations and in books, TV, and movies. It absolutely makes sense that this idea would resonate with you.

It can be helpful to study other traditions to give you context for your own experience, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to claim something from another religious tradition as your own. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing, I just try to be careful about stuff like that.

I was also raised in a Protestant faith, but I had Catholic friends and attended Mass at several points in my life. When I was still a believer, it seemed like there was a great chasm between these belief systems. But now that I have some distance from my former faith, I see that they have more similarities than differences. Shame and guilt run through them both. There’s guilt about familial obligations, Jesus’ death, and “sinful” actions. (I personally think that sin is just one god’s opinion and it matters more that we try to treat each other well than follow a non-negotiable rulebook.)

It may not be possible to be totally open now now, but I believe it will be in the future. I didn’t share my doubts when I was still dependent on my parents and it felt awful at the time to keep anything private. Because it felt like privacy implied guilt. But now I am grateful to my past self for waiting until I felt secure enough to share my doubts. I found people who felt safe and confided in them. I built relationships based on mutual respect and informed choices, which hadn't felt possible before.

I still have distance with some of my religious family members. But some of my more progressive family members and I have made a lot of progress in understanding each other. Love can overcome doctrine in many relationships, but not others. It’s a difficult reality to face, especially when you don’t have the opportunity to communicate with them. I know that I had to grieve the people I’d lost and the idea that I would see them in heaven. But there are people in this world who will understand you, support you, and hope for you to have a wonderful and fulfilling life that allows you to grow beyond their expectations. And it sounds like you already are that kind of person for yourself, and that is an impressive accomplishment in its own right.

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Fanfic Review: Stitch Me Up

Dr. Aziraphale Fell is newly appointed as the Chief of the A&E (ER) at Celestial Harmonies Hospital in Lambeth, London. The crowd is a much different one than the patients that gathered at his previous place of work in the South Downs- and his coworkers are perhaps the oddest of all. Emergency physician Gabriel Winger seems to think Dr. Fell has robbed him of a position that was rightfully his. Beatrix Bealz, the trauma surgeon on call, doesn't look or act like a surgeon at all. And then there's that strange Head Nurse Crowley. So stand-offish with his coworkers. So sweet with the patients. A mystery, all together. Aziraphale can't help but want to solve that mystery- what physician can resist one?

Length: 246,250 words

AO3 Rating: Explicit / Spice Level 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Best for: Angst, Human AU, Romance

Triggers: Mental Illness symptoms (depression, bipolar disorder, panic disorder), past suicide attempt, self harm

Read it here, fic by Get_Wrexed

*Minor Spoilers* So I broke the rules. This is an unfinished work. If that’s a hardline for you, then this is not the fic for you. However it ends in a good place!! It’s a little abrupt but most threads are wrapped up. No cliffhangers here! This hasn’t been updated since 2021, so that’s why I’m comfortable positing a review. I don't think this is going to get an update. I didn’t realize it was unfinished when I started, but the premise really got me! So I had to see it through.

Aziraphale has just been made Chief of A&E at a busy London hospital. Crowley is the chaotic, but hardworking Head Nurse. I love stories that have their attraction start with mutual respect for each other’s intellect and competency. They are both so passionate about what they do! The setting is so engaging. We stay there for the majority of the first half, but once the relationship gets underway we start to spend less time at the hospital.

A large portion of this story deals with mental illness, showing the parts of mental health that are not pretty. Crowley and Bealz act out in unhealthy destructive ways like real people do. This isn’t a sanitized version. If those topics are triggering for you, I would maybe skip this story. It’s not purposefully triggering content! But is a main plot point and will come up often. Aziraphale puts so much effort into navigating Crowley’s episodes, he really is doing everything he can to make a safe environment. I think reading Aziraphale’s way of treating Crowley could be a healing experience for someone with similar struggles. One very minor critique, I do feel like we had a lot of repeated conversations. A lot of lash out, apologies, reassurance scenes. They’re great, but after a couple repeats I found myself drifting a little. I wanted to get back to the hospital backdrop.

The last portion deals with power play. Aziraphale is very focused on safe consensual play, while Crowley is very eager to begin without fully understanding what it all entails. I love them finding their way, and I looove that this one talks about power play outside the bedroom. That’s the main way we engage with the arrangement. Of course there’s smut, but it’s usually not graphic. Interestingly we usually enter Crowley’s subspace and I really enjoyed that pov. I thought it was very unique and dreamlike. Aziraphale killed me with his dramatic sighs of disappointment when he wants Crowley to behave, lots of, 'Don’t you want to be good for me?' I ate it up every time.

Final story note, I want to mention that I thought the Bealz storyline was very unique and a strong point of this story. Crowley and Bealz have a deep history together and are platonic life partners. The author was not afraid to actually show that. They are not romantic, but they are integral to each other and physically affectionate. To be honest, I thought it was a little brave in a ship focused story to say, "no this person is also important to Crowley and actually does take priority in some cases". And I appreciate so much that Aziraphale is allowed to be jealous, but knows it's his problem. Crowley isn't doing anything wrong.

This was a very excellent read! I am holding on a little hope that we'll see a completion of this story but if not I'm very grateful for what we have!! It's still a satisfying and full story. Mostly safe in public until later chapters, but again the smut isn't that graphic. So you could get away with it if you want.

Read it here, fic by Get_Wrexed

[director-yomi-hellsmile]

Cube joke (pinned post)

If you know me from @/growling or @/seth-burroughs then you get a krówka. Personal blog of Yomi Hellsmile, so just call me by that name. Serious metaphysical fictionkind & fictive, I'm actually fine with treated as literal Blorbo From Your Games it makes me feel sane and slightly better than just having it ignored. Please poke me around and bombard me with questions as much as you like I thrive off of attention and require constant enrichment in my containment chamber. Just no being weirdly invasive/rude with questions like ''what is the exact mechanism of how you tried to kill your girlfriend that one time'' or otherwise not saying shit to me I know you wouldn't say to literally anyone else please I'm trying to be so nice every day

Fine with source talk / Rain Code discussion (if you're cool with me getting a bit weird about it), fine with all sourcemates if you are respectful/nice in turn, I don't have anything against doubles and I'm waving at you same hat style but I'll probably just nonjudgmentally block you for my own comfort, sorryyyy I gotta take care of my shitty heart rate.

I'm very often not good at articulating myself and a lot of things I end up writing end up kind of incomprehensible or weird, I can't really do anything about it so don't point this out unless you absolutely need to have something clarified. Sometimes I get confused and either not really get what you're saying or can't reply to you for quite some time whether because of that or my perpetual low energy, if you @'d me or sent me an ask and I don't respond within a week then I'm not purposefully ignoring you; either need to take longer time with writing, or I don't really have an answer. Don't blow up at me for asking you to clarify something in simpler terms. My tone might be off either due to those, my brain just working differently, or english not being my first language.

Other info + disclaimers/warnings:

Trans man + non-binary bigender, masculine or neutral terms only - and no, "girl" is not gender neutral and I do not care if you use it that way. If you'd like to perceive me perhaps refer to me even: he/him, it/its or xe/xem/xir, and only those; do not call me by they. Also don't call me a "boy" I am a grown ass man.

Loveless aroace (and faggot in all directions if you unlock my easter egg), aplatonic, afamilial, posting about those pretty often. Or I think. I'm trying.

Semiverbal LSN-MSN Autistic and refuses to shut up about it + Narcissistic PD (so please bring criticism up nicely) and will keep talking about it and my beautiful big dark narc rage eyes. Follow me in order to fulfill your mutual list diversity quota /joking that was a /joke

Do not insult me as a "joke", or approach me with any sort of overly familiar playful rudeness. I kind of hate how normalized just being ~ironically~ straight up mean to people is on here. No I probably won't read your sarcasm unless I've already memorized all your speech patterns or something

Mainly into: Rain Code (lol. lmao, even), Warriors, Akuma Kun, Mouthwashing, birds, cat genetics and scraping pretty rocks off of sidewalks

Plural, we are not interested in assigning roles to each other or specifying our "origin" or how it all happened as it's not currently relevant to us nor is it any of your business like why do you care. Anyway this blog is safe for endos or like, any other type of plural.

Occasional nsfw posts under the #nsft tag, which will contain a bunch of hard kinks like torture rape violence etcetera, so, block that if you don't want to see those. That's also the only tag I consistently use on this blog.

[yuripira4e]

ur points are fine but do you really have to put an obnoxious anon in the mgs tag talking shit abt one of the few games with gay male rep "made up yaoi" and claiming bb/eva is like a Real Canon pairing and not they fucked one bc eva was trying to get something from him and if you want to talk about women her feelings towards him were clearly a lot more complicated than it just being a ship. virtue signaling is also acting like you have to publicly blog about female characters to show that you care and respect them. also strangeboss WAS very popular, more so when the game came out for what its worth. if you really want to get into the nitty gritty im always pretty disappointed that ppl interpret their relationship as cute mutual attraction and ignore that strangelove has an obsession with the boss that likely makes her an unreliable narrator, which imo isnt a bad thing!! i legit think thats really interesting, zero and bb talk a lot about the boss and her will from the pov of soldiers but strangelove equally puts her on a pedestal imo. yeah thats not a good trope for a lesbian character but again! if you want to get nitty gritty. theres a really clear pattern in the mgs series where only villains are CANONICALLY bi/gay, but theres a lot of heavy handed queer coding among the "good guys"

I agree with you too. I’m sorry for putting discourse in the tag. 1. strange boss is a complex dynamic and as much as I love it it is ultimately from Strangelove’s pov. I think that’s just a reoccurring theme with the boss in general. I mean the entire game is centered around the misinterpretation of her will and everyone taking what they thought she meant from it and warping it to for their own perception. I do think strangeboss was mutual but Strangelove was definitely not healthily crushing on the boss either. I haven’t been in the fandom that long so I actually didn’t know the ship was that popular at one point but you have to admit it does get overshadowed as do a lot of female pairings (straight or queer) in the fanbase

2. I already said I don’t ship bb ships. I love Eva and I think her complex relationship with bb and other characters should absolutely be talked about and I enjoy their dynamic so that’s why I said I liked their relationship but not endgame

3. I do think the made up yaoi thing was kind of rude bc I don’t think it was made up at all (I should have said that on that but I don’t really feel like starting arguments or defending shit). I think the mlm representation in the game is honestly really groundbreaking even if it does adhere to a lot of stereotypes and unfortunately villainize it a lot. But it has multiple relationships and single characters in queer or queer coded mlm relationships that differ in age, ethnicity, dynamic, and backstory which is just insanely cool. From like canonically queer characters like volgin and vamp and I’m gonna say ocelot bc I think pw put him past queer coded and into fully implied queer territory to deep, healthy, interesting queer coded relationships like otasune and even liquidmantis I think it’s amazing and should not be minimized even if it could be improved or there are faults in the way other characters are treated because of it at times which is something every fanbase has. Even other ships that I don’t like have a lot of really interesting dynamics and feelings that are undeniably queer coded and I think we should just look at all of it and enjoy the queer media we’ve been given while being able to critique it and not turn on each other

[katierosedreams2]

Tootsie Roll

My heart was racing as I talked to Malisa, it felt like it was going to explode. My hands were so clammy and were literally shaking. I almost thought I was going to faint! It’s not like I haven’t talked to her before, we’ve known each other from when we hung out a few times with some mutual friends over the summer. She was so pretty, and always dressed kind of sexy, at times, down right slutty, and her make-up and hair were always almost too over done, flirting with the line of making her look like a total bimbo. But she was such a bombshell, and she totally pulled it off! She has a perfect hourglass figure. She's both skinny and shapely and has a perfect face. It screams femininity and beauty.  She was the most sexist girl I’d ever seen! She’s bubbly, kind, fit, flirty, and outgoing but in a reserved way. She’s a dream girl! 

I’m kind of shy, dorky, I’m also on the smaller size for a guy, in every way. I thought for sure by the time I was 21 I’d be a little taller. I’m the same height as most women, including Malisa, unless they’re wearing heels, then they’re taller. I’m only 5’4”, but I’m also pretty skinny, I hardly weigh one hundred pounds, I’ve always been pretty small for a guy. I still have to shop in the boys' section most of the time. Both my trainer and my doctor think I might have a disorder, which is why I can’t seem to gain muscle mass and hold onto fat. My doctor said to just exercise more, which is why I got the trainer in the first place. I try to work out, I run and lift weights, but I can’t seem to grow much muscle, except for my butt. My trainer jokes that it’s a bubble butt. And my hips and chest are where my fat likes to stay, no matter what I do. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I have big boobs or anything, it’s just soft there. With a shirt on you might think I have some small pecks, I hope, not small boobs. And the fat on my hips doesn’t help the fact that my pelvis is a little wide. I always seem to be more of a pear shape, which isn’t common for a guy, my hips seem to be just slightly wider than my shoulders. Not that either are very wide. I hate to admit it, there are times I catch my reflection in the mirror out of the corner of my eye as I’m getting in the shower, and I’d jump because I thought I saw a girl. But then I’d do a double take, and it was just me, but that definitely bothered me too. 

I struggle with growing any body hair. Hell I don’t grow any body hair, just a few armpit hairs, and they just look silly, I can literally just pluck right out with my fingers, it dosnt even hurt! Add to that the fact that I know I’m quite small down there and my balls never fully developed. I’ve never had much self-confidence when it comes to girls. I’ve never even been on a date, let alone kissed a girl! I’ve always gotten along with them just fine, they are super friendly, but I’m always immediately in the friend zone. They seem to treat me just like another girl. And guys have always been weird around me. I don’t know why, but they don’t treat me like they do other guys. Most don’t seem to respect me. Some are nice though, and some just look at me in creepy ways. 

I had very few friends growing up, which didn’t help me be any less awkward, but it improved a little in college. I befriended a nice group of girls and a few guys who seemed to be plugged into what was going on. They got me out of my room and to parties or events, even just to get a cup of coffee or a cocktail. I think they could tell I was a bit of a lonely guy who could use some friends, and I truly appreciated it. I moved away from home for college and didn’t know anyone. I shared classes with most of them. How they all knew each other to begin with I’m really not sure. You see I’m going to school for business, but also cosmetology. OK, let me explain, my mom owns a very successful small salon chain and makes very good money from the business. She cut hair to pay her way through college where she majored in business and started her own salon. The rest was history. I’ve always grown up with plenty of money and a pretty nice house as a result.

When I wasn’t in school, I spent a lot of time with her in her salons. Going from one to the other, knowing very well the ins and outs of hair, makeup, and nails. More than most of the girls in my classes, I also had better skin and long pretty black hair that was always perfectly styled. My mom made sure of that, she’s always told me my whole life that my hair represents her business, it HAD to be long and pretty at all times. And it worked too, so many ladies loved my hair, and then they went to one of my mom’s businesses. I’ve always had long girly hair and always styled like a girl, as a result, but I’m so used to it that it didn’t bother me. I agree it is pretty, and I guess I’m willing to put in the work to help the family business. I have toned it down a little since I left home though. It’s still a feminine cut, but I style it kind of neutral. 

I’d also learn a lot about business too. I grew up just assuming I’d get to work with my mom as a partner in her work, and so did she. But at the start of my junior year in high school, she told me that I could only partner with her if I got a formal education in both cosmetology and business. She'd paid for it, and it seemed like a good idea, so I agreed. I met most of the girls I have become friends with in my cosmetology classes and most of the guys in my business classes. I think this whole group was formed by the two of them, who are brother and sister. They are in almost the same situation I’m in, the sister is in my business classes and the brother is in my cosmetology classes. I think he’s gay and loves to cut hair, he’s really great at it too. His sister just likes getting her hair done, she hates cutting it, but seems to have a perfect mind for business. They were going to make an incredible team! 

All the other 4 guys in our group were gay, but that’s just fine with me. The whole group was pretty even from the two schools, and somehow we all just clicked. There seemed to be an unspoken role not to date anyone in the core group. We didn’t want to ruin this great friendship with the drama of people breaking up and dividing the group. That’s where Malisa comes in. She’s not a core member of the group. She is in one of my cosmetology classes, but it’s her minor. Her major is in fashion. She jokes that she’s just at college to party and wants to graduate with a perfect Mrs. degree to then become some rich guy's trophy wife. And she could easily have any guy she wanted. I was thinking about what she was saying the other day and this huge urge overtook me. I should ask her out. I thought I was crazy at first. But hey, she seemed to really want money and my mom already had a ton, with her and me combining and growing the family business, it would be an almost unlimited supply! It would seem silly not to!! I’ve spent my whole life seeing beautiful women, but none of them have been as pretty as her. I may never meet someone like her again! And we got along great, we clicked so well. So I made up my mind the next time I’d see her, when the time was right, I’d ask her out on a date. Just the thought alone made me so nervous! I’ve never asked a girl out before, and I’m starting with the prettiest girl in the world! I trembled at the thought, but I couldn’t not take this opportunity.

And here we were, both early to meet our friend again. Last time we ended up having this amazing conversation as our friends were over an hour late to show up, something that’s not at all uncommon for them. We were talking and having a great time, and I could feel this emotion welling up, almost like I was going to be sick! And then, it just happened, like word vomit, I kind of sheepishly blurted out. “Umm so Malisa would you umm, ever want to go out on a umm, like umm, do a thing together some time? Umm, like just the two of us?” The world seemed to freeze, even the air stood still to respond to my question. All I could hear was my heart beating so rapidly I could physically feel it moving my whole body with each quick pulse. “Like on a, DATE?” She sweetly but confusingly replied. The confusion was clear on her face and in her voice. I felt like I was made of stone. I was so frozen with fear. Oh god what had I done?!? All I could manage was a small nod and a whisper of a "yes". She could see the fear and distress on my face, and all over my whole body. She didn’t bother to hide that she felt kind of bad for me. “Aw, that's so precious. You're so cute. Sure, why not, I guess.” She spoke with empathy. I almost couldn’t believe what I was hearing!! “I could make some time tomorrow, I was going to get some brunch and then do some fall shopping, we can just see where it goes from there, how does that sound?” I almost fell out of my seat, still in shock that she said yes! I was a nervous mess and hardly processed what she said. “Sounds great!” I nervously squeaked. It didn’t sound like much of a date, but I guess it’s a start! She told me when and where to meet her for brunch and shortly after that our friends started to arrive. We didn’t talk about it again until we were parting for the evening, and she said, “See you tomorrow.” With a bubbly tone, it filled me with so much joy I thought I could fly. All night I was wondering if she’d change her mind that I hardly talked to any of my friends. 

Our brunch was great, and she looked amazing. She was in a very pretty dress that was mostly black lace, very fall, very sexy yet still elegant. Her makeup and hair were styled to perfection, still flirting with the line of looking like a bimbo. Her six inch "fuck me" pumps only added to that. As a result, she towered over me. I was dressed in a nice but casual button-down long sleeve shirt and nice pants and shoes. I don’t own a lot of clothes. I don’t care that much about men’s fashion, it’s all the same. We had a wonderful time together. We are both light eaters but love coffee. Our time shopping was great! She and I have the same taste in fall decorations, and when we ended up going to clothing stores, I think I impressed her with my knowledge and style in women’s clothes, shoes, bags, and accessories. You don’t grow up in a salon or constantly shopping with your mom without learning a few things, I guess. She would joke around and hold stuff up to me to see how it would look on me and tease that I should try it on or that we are the same size. It was embarrassing, but I didn’t want it to show, although I knew my face turned a little red, and she seemed to enjoy that. At one store, we even went through the lingerie section, and she had me help her pick out something sexy. It felt like a test almost, so I tried my best to impress her. I think I passed, she put it in her bag after all! I think she was impressed and grateful that I paid for absolutely everything. It was a date after all, and she is after a guy who has some deep pockets. Overall, it wasn’t a cheap day, but I’ve seen my mom spend ten times that much on a whim. I don’t buy much, almost ever, so I have a lot of money from my monthly allowance saved up, but I do get a lot every month too. I know it’s crazy to say, but my mom gives me 10k of “walking around money” every month! And that’s after she pays all my bills!

We had such a wonderful time. We made plans to go on another date a couple of days from now. I couldn't wait, and I struggled to focus on my school work. I pretty much jumped at my phone with every text that came in. It was always wonderful to talk to her and I quickly realized I was really starting to feel something special for her. Our second date was lovely, a nice dinner out and then talking late into the night at a quiet bar. It was very personal and deep. I've never had such a stimulating one on one conversation with someone before. As the night grew close to an end, I noticed I was sitting closer and closer to her, maybe it was the drinks, but I felt compelled to kiss her. I leaned in, and she pulled back slightly, looked at me with pity in her eyes, and then met my lips with hers. Her lips were so soft and sweet! I couldn't believe it. I felt electricity pulse through my brain to my whole body, I felt myself get hard as my heart fluttered. I can't believe it!!! I FINALLY KISSED A GIRL!! She didn't seem to mind the kiss, I did feel like it was a little more one sided, probably a pity kiss. After all, she had come to learn that until her, I'd never even been on a date. She was very nice, and seemed to care about me in at least some way. That night was the happiest of my life! And at the end of it we agreed to meet for a third! I couldn't believe it! What luck I was having!

She wanted to go on another shopping day, and wanted me to join her, and then we would get dinner afterward. I was excited just to see her again and happily agreed. She picked me up at my house at ten that morning. I was so happy when I got into her car. She looked stunning in a very short black leather mini skirt, a cute fall brownish orange top, a leather jacket and black leather thigh high 6 inch heels.

I noticed a small black shopping bag in the back seat and casually ignored it. Little did I know this was the day my life was to change forever. 

I complimented her on how good she looked and thanked her for picking me up. I had no clue where we were going, so we stopped for some coffee and drove downtown where all the best clothing stores were. It was fun to walk around with her, she looked so sexy in her outfit, and I was grateful to hide my constant erection with the clothes she kept handing me to hold. Once again, she asked me for my opinion and had me be very involved with the selection of clothes. She was going for very sexy stuff, so I didn't shy away from it. And once again she kept teasing me by holding up the clothes to me, joking how good I would look in it or that I should go try it on. How we were both the same size and how pretty I'd be in this or that. At one point when we were shopping for sexy heels, she even convinced me to try on a pair. I was so embarrassed I could hardly stand it, she thought it was so funny that even our shoe size was the same and that I could wear all of her clothes. I was so embarrassed, and just when I thought I couldn't end, she humiliated me by joking with the sales lady at check out that the heels were for me as I paid for them. I paid for everything that day. I was happy too.

 Despite the teasing, I really was enjoying my time with her, and I could tell she was truly enjoying it too. I was so happy to have her in my life at that time. We had to make three stops at the car to drop off arms full of shopping bags! We must have spent 3 thousand dollars shopping! We totally filled her car and I joked that she wouldn't have enough room in her closet for all of this. She joked back that it's not a problem because it's going in my closet! I laughed but she didn't seem like she was joking, but obviously she was. At some point, she convinced me to put in very girly dimmond hoop earrings. I was hesitant, but she was very convincing, saying that my hair would mostly hide it. She said it would be fun and make her happy. I was embarrassed but couldn't say no. I was even more so when she convinced me to wear a girly anklet, but I figured she was just messing around and having fun. I didn't want to be a party pooper, so I went along with it. She had picked out this very cute little place for dinner, very quiet and nice.

It was kind of romantic, and I was having a lovely time, and so was she. She drove me home and outside my door we kissed again and, just like the first time, it was electric and completely amazing! She asked if she could come in. I was happy to let her. I opened a bottle of white wine, and we started to drink. It was lovely. She admired the simplicity and great styling of my house. She said no straight guy she had ever met had such a nice home. It seemed like a weird thing to say, but I took it as a compliment. We engaged in some small talk as we drank and walked through my apartment. She kept saying compliments like that, she admired how clean it was too. This is just how I was raised, I kept saying. She noticed I had a huge walk-in closet that only seemed larger because of how few clothes I own. She seemed to think that this was wonderful, she muttered something about how this is enough space. I’m not really sure what that meant. Maybe she was going on about that joke from earlier that those clothes were going into my closet. She noticed how nice and well-made the bed was and started kissing me out of nowhere. It was very passionate, and I loved making out with her! 

As things got a little more heated, she took my hands and motioned for them to explore her body. I was so turned on I could almost cum just from this! I'm 21 years old, a virgin, and I’m not only making out with a girl in my apartment by my bed while she lets me grope her, but she’s also the hottest girl I have ever met!! What luck! Her body felt amazing as I slid my hands over her leather skirt. She stepped back and seductively took her top off and then slowly slid down her skirt, revealing the lingerie I had picked out with her on our first date. She looked so sexy in the black lace lingerie and black leather thigh high heels as she towered over me. I was as hard as I could get and on the edge of cumming already! She then kissed me some more and then slowly removed my shirt. I was starting to feel a little self-conscious, butm the wine helped me push past that. She ran her hands over my bare body and across my chest, stopping and holding my chest as if she was cupping boobs. “Mmm-hm” she hummed to herself as if to confirm something. She then unbuttoned my pants and carefully pulled down my zipper. She then stepped back and looked at me, her sultry look and seductive tone calling to me ” Drop your pants and underwear, all the way down. NOW!” I was almost frightened by the sudden demanding shift. I did as I was told, grabbed the top of my pants and underwear and pulled them all the way down to my ankles, and then stood there naked on full display.  

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

She burst out laughing, clearly unable to contain herself. I was shocked and immediately humiliated. And then FLASH! She took a picture!! Where did she get her phone from so fast?!? I couldn’t believe it! I reached to pull my pants back up as I started to fight tears in my eyes. “DON'T YOU DARE!!” She yelled sternly, but yet still laughing. “I’ll show this photo to everyone you know! You just stay still and do as you're told! Do you understand?!” I nodded my head as I tried to look away to hide my shame and embarrassment. She laughed some more. “Oh my god you are so small!!! Like I expected it to be little, but look at it!! Micro is too big of a word to even describe it!!! And your balls are so small it's like they aren't even there! Did they ever drop?!” she laughed some more “What the hell am I supposed to do with that!!! It's almost as big as my clit!! HAHAHA OH MY GOD IT IS A CLITTY!!!!” she laughed more as I started to cry. “Is that as hard as it can get!! It's like the size of a Tootsie Roll!! Oh my god, wait!” 

She ran off to her handbag, her heels clicking loudly on the tile floor. My heart sank as she came back holding a tootsies roll in her fingers. She started to laugh so hard she was crying as she held it next to my penis, “OH MY GOD A TOOTSIE ROLL IS BIGGER THAN YOUR TINY LITTLE CLITTY!!! IT'S SMALLER THAN A BABIES DICK!!!” she almost fell over laughing as she took another photo comparing the sizes.  “I was going to sleep with you because I felt pity for you, you're so pretty, girly, and nice, but I couldn't even get that little clitty in me! It's completely useless! No girl would ever want that thing!” I was truly crying now as the tears rolled down my cheeks and hit the floor loudly. “And look at you, not only do you have a clitty, your body's a perfect girl's body! Hell you look just like mine! You even have little boobs and a nice “fuck me harder daddy" ass! Look at your hips! Exactly what a guy wants to hold as he rams his huge cock deep inside you! Making you scream like a little girl as he uses you to make himself cum!” she said, laughing so hard as she stood next to me to compare our bodies, taking a selfie as she did. She was right, we looked so similar, I looked just like a girl. I didn't know what to do. I just stood there and cried.

“Don't worry girly, I’ll just move onto the next stage of what I had planned, because I'm definitely not going to fuck you, that's not even possible! You're going to be a little virgin forever, so it doesn't even matter what comes next!” She said laughing as she walked over to her handbag and pulled out the small bag I saw in her car this morning. “I was going to let you have one pitty fuck before I locked this on you, I already knew your be some little dick loser, but I wasn't sure how small, so I brought a few options, I almost didn't buy this one, but NOW I think it's the ONLY option!” She returned into the room holding what at first looked like a small flat metal disc. I noticed it had an inside disc and an outside ring, but the whole thing was very flat. She had a very wicked smile on her face when I asked her “wh-what's that?” 

She giggled again at the sight of my penis. “It's a chastity cage. But this is a very special one. You see I've always wanted a little doll to play with, to dress up and make do whatever I wanted for my entertainment. And when I met you, this girly boy, I knew right away you had a very small dick, and when you asked me out I felt bad for you. I thought that by asking you to go shopping you clearly turned that down for something else, but you accepted, and that started the gears turning in my head. And when you were so girly with your movements and your fashion choices, your vast knowledge of makeup, nails and hair, I started to think I might actually be able to "convince" you to be my little dolly. I went online and started looking up things about feminization and learned about these cute little devices. Some were just for play, but some were very, very real. I learned that it HAS to be smaller than your member for the desired effect. I bought a few, because I wasn't sure how small you'd really be. As I said, I almost didn't buy this one. I couldn't believe anyone would be this small! But look at you!” she laughed some more just from looking at me again, “this might actually be too big!” she laughed hard as she held it near me. The inner disc was a bit bigger than the circumference of my little dick. 

“Put it on.” I looked at her and the serious sternness in her voice matched was matched in her eyes. “Put it on, or I will show these photos to everyone, including any girl you will ever even have a single thought of liking, let alone ask out. Do I make myself clear?” It was hard to see through the tears as they rolled down my face, I knew I had no real choice, so I took the device from her pretty, soft hands. “Put the outer ring over your clitty and your very tiny excuse for balls.” she commanded as I followed her instructions, feeling like I was signing away my fate. “Good! Now take the other part and put it over your clitty, use the special tool to put in the screw. Perfect!” she laughed again as I screwed the small screw into place. The whole thing was perfectly flat and left nothing there. There was a small hole in the front of it that looked like I could pee from, but there was no physical way to touch myself. I looked flat, like a girl.

“How long are you going to force me to be like this?” At this point I was truly sobbing. She clearly found this amusing. “I don't know if you noticed that goop on the screw, but that was thread locker that has already hardened by now. It would require over 250 degrees to heat it up enough to become liquid again. So unless you are willing to horribly mutilate yourself, I guess you’ll be permanently locked in that chastity for the rest of your life!” she was laughing so hard, as my knees went from under me and I crumbled to the floor from the news. “It’s not too far off from what I had in mind for you though. I was going to give you pitty sex and then lock you up and tease you with the promise of a release, but in reality I was going to throw out the keys. We just skipped the nasty part, so I guess now you’ll be a little clitty virgin forever!” She laughed more as I struggled to hear her words. “I’ll give you time to adjust while I bring in your new wardrobe.   

I struggled to even wrap my head around what was happening to me and the humiliation I had just gone through. How could this have even happened to me?! Why would she do this!? She didn't seem to mind me as I laid there in a pile of distressing deviation and went about walking past me bringing in the bags of clothes I had bought with her all day into my house. I was too busy dealing with myself to have the awareness of what exactly was happening. If I had realized she was further ruining my life and destroying every article of male clothes I owned and filling my closet with the clothes I thought I had bought for her, I would have tried to stop her. But I was emotionally in pieces from the things she had said, so much I knew in the back of my mind, but I always tried to downplay it, convince myself it wasn't as bad as I thought. Now I know it's far, far worse. I can't believe I'm smaller than a Tootsie Roll! I looked down at the chastity again. I saw nothing but the thin flat disc of metal, making access to my “clitty” completely impossible. 

My shock and horror was interrupted by something hitting me in the face. “Put this on bitch!” she commanded, along with the assault of fabric. I looked down at it as it was a matching bra and panties with stockings. I looked up at her with confusion just in time to see her taking scissors to the clothes I was wearing that day. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” I yelled in desperation. “I'm destroying the last of your silly boy clothes. Now be a good girl and do as you're told, or else I'm going to show everyone just how tiny you really are! You got it you stupid slut!?” she was getting visibly upset with my slow reaction to her commands. “Don't you get it, I fucking own you now, you will do what I say, or ill make your life even worse! This can go the hard way or the easy way, but either way it's MY way, so what will it be?” she stood over me pointing the scissors at me in a slightly threatening manor. I could tell she was very serious, and if she was capable of doing this to me, I couldn't believe what else she could do. As the tears fell heavily from my eyes, her victorious smile beamed from her face as she watched me slowly pull the panties up my bare legs.

After I put on the lingerie, I had pretty much given up at that point and did as I was told. I sat at my desk chair as she commanded how she wanted me to do my nails and makeup, staring at my now very feminine looking closet, hardly listening to her and her plans for me. I didn't think it was a benefit that I already was an expert at make-up and nails outside my future career, but I guess it is now. I had spent time applying makeup on others much more than myself. With her demands leading my choices, I couldn't believe just how pretty of a girl I made. I haven't had full glam makeup on my face since I was a kid and my mom was teaching me. It made me sick just how unmistakable from a girl I resemble. 

“Time for the cherry on top!” she said as she produced a belly button piercing. I knew what was coming next and just laid down on my bed without saying a word, trying not to cry from the further humiliation and ruin my makeup. Oh my god, why did that thought come to my mind?! I shouldn’t give a shit about my makeup and looking pretty!!! She’s destroying my life!! Why the fuck do I care about being pretty right now?!? This bazaar internal struggle took over as she pierced my belly button, permanently adding to my girly appearance. I felt helpless, devastated, and had no idea what to do.

She then had me stand as she got on her knees in front of me, she took the Tootsies Roll, placed it on my flat chastity, and started to rub, and gently suck it as if it was my dick. Giggling as she tried to be sexy. “I bet you wish this was your liitle clitty, after all, its bigger! But I bet you wished I would be pleasing it and making you feel so good. But that pathetic micro clity won't ever get any pleasure for the rest of your life, at least not like a boy.” she then pulled out a small vibrator. “I guess you'll even have to please yourself like a girl too!” she giggled some more as she tuned it up full and placed it on my chastity. It vibrated my clitty hard, and I hate to admit it did feel good. In a short time, I started squealing like a little girl and wiggling all around as she kept it relentlessly pressed against my cage.

I hate to admit it, but I could actually feel an organism building. How could I be letting myself get turned on right now!? Then suddenly she stopped. She looked at me with so much pleasure, “Wow, you were actually getting horny from that! Look how red you are! Well, I'm so glad you liked it! If you're a good girl and do as I say, I might actually let you borrow this in a few weeks to cum, but you have to behave yourself! Right now I want a cute picture of you!” she took out her phone and started to instruct me just how she wanted me to pose. “Perfect!” she exclaimed as she snapped her pictures. “I'm going to have so much fun playing with you!” I knew my life was forever changed, and this was just the beginning.

-KatieroseOgCap

[things-bright-and-fine]

I'm dedicating each month to a theos, since I'm almost at a year of helpol and want to start treating it seriously, and I decided that it'd be right to start the year off with Apollo to celebrate the days getting longer and the sun's return, plus it seemed right since my new year's goal is to get a tarot/oracle business set up.

Apollo's one of the newer gods included in my personal practice, more because I was already leaving offerings every other week from health anxiety scares that I figured I might as well include him with the others in my daily practice.

Now, while I wouldn't say I have a godphone exactly, I do seem to get some pretty strong signals from the gods--always in relation to my own life--and there are very clear personalities that come through for each that I regularly pray to. Hermes is bright and encouraging and chatty (for lack of a better term.) Hestia is quiet and gentle, with the gentlest prods into housework; "it's okay!" is a very common refrain from her. Dionysos is languid and chill until he's not, but always very joyous and fun. Aphrodite is a tough-love bitch (said affectionately and with permission) who pushes me to better myself, very blunt and no-nonsense.

Apollo was very quiet for a long time, which was fine! It was a very "you're there, I'm here, we're cool" relationship. I did a new year's spread to get in touch with him, and it very much had the vibe of talking to someone at a party that you sort of know because of your mutual friend Hermes but you're not like instant besties.

But then like I said, I dedicated this month to him. I wasn't expecting too much, but I was excited to learn more about a god I wasn't as close to. And somewhere around the start of my journaling, I was just hit with melancholy that I instinctively associated with him. And it's strange, because in all my reading others' upgs and such, I've never come across him being melancholy. But looking at his myths this month--primarily with Daphne (which has haunted me since I first read it when I was like 8) and Hyakinthos--I was struck with grief. Of how horrifying it must be to feel a heart stop beating beneath bark, of how wearing laurels could serve as a reminder of misguided passion; the pain of seeing the crushed face of a lover, and in spite of divine power, being able to do nothing but make flowers grow from the blood.

Now, of course, the myths aren't literal, and I generally try to avoid egregiously humanizing the gods--a little, I think, is unavoidable, or else what would the point of connecting with them be?--but even so, that deep feeling of melancholy and sadness have stuck with me in regards to Apollo, along with a very quiet sort of earnestness--the kind you expect from someone who's eternally young.

The best thing I can figure is that this is the face of Apollo the healer, which, like I said, is the aspect I would usually call to in the midst of a health anxiety spike. Homer called him the physician of the gods--but healing comes hand in hand with grief. It comes with loss, and pushing through despite it. And so to me, he comes through as quiet, gentle, and sad--but sad with the assurance that the sun still shines, music still plays, and the world is still very beautiful and there's many people to love.

I suppose I just felt like sharing a different facet of Apollo than I normally see people experience. I'm glad for it, really, because I never felt I could connect with the bright and happy sun god I saw--respect and love in the way I love the theoi I'm not as close to, certainly, but never get close--but this facet of him is something I can connect with and feel close to, and I feel very honored to get to see this face.