joyfulexchristian

[joyfulexchristian]

chinchilla dustbath masterclass

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death.

I didn’t die when I got baptised.

It was basically just a very awkward pool party. There I was, standing in the pool in basketball shorts and a baggy t-shirt, completing the promise that I’d made when I was 5 years old. I was told it would wash away my sins and bond me to Jesus in a new way. That I would die and be reborn through baptism. I would emerge from the pool as a new creation. I would be covered in His blood, glorious and loved.

Now I wish the water had washed his blood off of my hands instead– the blood that had been on my hands since before I went to kindergarten.

I'm still working on ideas for reverse baptisms. I shouldn't fill a bathtub with silica gel, right? Bad idea?

for more gentle blasphemy, support me on patreon ♡

[joyfulexchristian]

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Being reborn is a naive answer to the difficult question of moving on.

It has to be better to take accountability for who we were before while allowing room for ourselves to grow into the people we want to be.

Dying to ourselves is not the answer. Let us live to ourselves instead!

my linktree ♡

[joyfulexchristian]

put me in a bag of rice overnight

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death.

I didn’t die when I got baptised.

It was basically just a very awkward pool party. There I was, standing in the pool in basketball shorts and a baggy t-shirt, completing the promise that I’d made when I was 5 years old. I was told it would wash away my sins and bond me to Jesus in a new way. That I would die and be reborn through baptism. I would emerge from the pool as a new creation. I would be covered in His blood, glorious and loved.

Now I wish the water had washed his blood off of my hands instead– the blood that had been on my hands since before I went to kindergarten.

I'm still working on ideas for reverse baptisms. I shouldn't fill a bathtub with silica gel, right? Bad idea?

for more gentle blasphemy, support me on patreon ♡

[joyfulexchristian]

We were buried therefore with him by baptism into death.

I didn’t die when I got baptised.

It was basically just a very awkward pool party. There I was, standing in the pool in basketball shorts and a baggy t-shirt, completing the promise that I’d made when I was 5 years old. I was told it would wash away my sins and bond me to Jesus in a new way. That I would die and be reborn through baptism. I would emerge from the pool as a new creation. I would be covered in His blood, glorious and loved.

Now I wish the water had washed his blood off of my hands instead– the blood that had been on my hands since before I went to kindergarten.

I'm still working on ideas for reverse baptisms. I shouldn't fill a bathtub with silica gel, right? Bad idea?

for more gentle blasphemy, support me on patreon ♡

[joyfulexchristian]

Hello, I'm Melbourne (he/they)!

I'm wondering if during your deconstruction you ever found yourself having trust issues with family & friends?

Looking back, I've had major issues trusting the people who were in my life in my teens (family, friends, even some coworkers). I realized it started when I was deconverting, bc apparently doing a complete 180 on religion can be traumatic, & I didn't have any support (real & percieved) in that process. And coupled with being closeted in multiple ways, I think that just rewired my brain.

Idk if this is just a 'me' thing, and I also don't really know what to do about it while I'm looking for a therapist. I guess while I've been a deconvert for a decade, I haven't talked to many people like me bc I'm in the midwest.

Hello Melbourne, I’m Allison (they/them)!

Thanks for sending in this ask! It’s definitely not just a “you” thing. Trust is hard, even without a major change like deconversion in your life. I definitely had trust issues before, during, and after my deconversion.

Part of it was that my trust was so intertwined with my faith. It’s not so much that I trusted people, but that I trusted that the Christian god would take care of me. And even when that didn’t work out and bad things happened to me, I still felt a lot of pressure to trust that my god would make everything work out (big picture).

I was trained to distrust myself in Christianity. I'd been steeped in Christian messages like “lean not on your own understanding” and “the heart is deceitful above all things.” So when I started deconverting from Christianity and realized I’d spent years believing something that wasn’t true, I distrusted myself even more. In my experience, deconstructing Christian beliefs is sometimes easier than deconstructing Christian behaviors.

Trauma-informed therapy helped me break down my negative patterns and rebuild my ability to trust myself. I hope that you find a therapist who is a great fit for you! And remember it’s okay to find another therapist if one doesn’t feel right. (Just a bit of advice I could have used in the past.)

After I learned how to trust myself, I tried trusting a few, carefully hand-picked people. In some cases it worked out and those relationships felt deeper and more stable than before. When it didn’t work out, I had the opportunity to maintain my boundaries and keep the promises I made to myself. 

Going from trusting God, to trusting no one, to trusting people who are actually trustworthy was a difficult and worthwhile journey for me. I wish you the best of luck in finding people who not only make you feel like you belong exactly as you are now but also give you room to grow.

Feel free to reach out if you have other questions or topics you'd like me to write about, I’m around.

[joyfulexchristian]

Curious why you changed from “apostate” to “exchristian”?

I realized that "apostate" is not a very commonly known word.

It was a slow realization that crept up on me over time. Then a big moment of clarity that happened a couple of weeks ago. I started following someone while they were streaming on Twitch and they looked down, saw my username, and said,

"Welcome joyful app-o-state!" Totally fair.

And it would be fine for me to continue to have a niche username! But I want my work to be sharable to a larger audience. And "exchristian" is more clear and accessible. It defines my relationship to the church without using church-specific language. My hope is that more people will be able to tell at a glance what I'm about.

I started this blog to process the distance I had with my former faith, but now I want to reach more people with my exchristian content.

Thanks for sending this ask!

[joyfulexchristian]

This week i will be ~romancing the wizard~ in Stardew Valley. First time streaming with mods tonight!

Shoutout to @deservedgrace for the mod rec 💜

Come hang out with me on Twitch, Wed/Thurs at 5pm ET for cozy ex-christian vibes!

[joyfulexchristian]

take up your cross

The cross was never ours to bear.

Our lives are more than one big funeral procession. I remember feeling honored to “take up my cross” and follow Jesus. But now it sounds like a ridiculously morbid request.

Jesus’s followers, in their grief, tried to create meaning from the torturous death of their leader. I wish they’d processed their grief in a less horrible way.

support me on patreon ♡

[joyfulexchristian]

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.

It's a book. I wish people would stop using it as a weapon.

Christianity is a story, that's all. And I think stories are important. They can bring inspiration, comfort, and clarity. Stories can help us understand each other.

The stories we connect with won't always be the same. I used to find inspiration in Jesus, comfort in Heaven, and clarity in the Word. But there were too many plot holes and the book club was wayyy too judgemental. I joke, of course. Deconverting from Christianity is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. For all of the original benefits that the story sold me on (freedom from death, guaranteed forgiveness, feelings of certainty), the story wasn't enough.

The story of Christianity asked too much and gave too little. I had to be complicit in human sacrifice but not know much about the heavenly prize I'd traded Jesus's life for. It offered a salve for fear, but only if I remained dependent on it for managing my emotions. And I could only feel certainty if I viewed the world through the narrowest of pinholes.

But the world is wide and I don't want to miss it. I think of the many wonderful stories I've encountered when I finally started living in the world and I'm glad I put my Bible back up on a shelf.

my linktree ♡

[joyfulexchristian]

If Christianity is the only thing that makes someone a good person, they should go ahead and keep it! But they should also try not to be surprised when other people manage to be good without it.

Our best selves are surely not just imperfect approximations of Christ. There are billions of us having new ideas, combining old solutions to problems, and building on the work of those who came before us.

It is such a loss to reduce all of humanity to a single point-- forcing our unique shapes into an ancient, narrow mold. And it just throws out 2 thousand years of human effort.

Christianity is such an awful story. But I remember what it felt like to depend on it for stability, belonging, and purpose. That's why I don't try to talk people out of believing. I just let them know that it's safe on the other side of belief. The world is not empty without Christianity.

my linktree ♡

[joyfulexchristian]

Phew! I just finished my 2024 New Testament read-through and I added soooo many verses to my backlog.

I started this account after I decided to reread the NT as an ex-Christian and found a few dozen verses that had harmful messages that I wanted to respond to.

After years of compiling verses from my own reading and audience submissions, I have over 500. That's 500 objections to a belief system that I used to find unobjectionable.

I am so grateful for your attention, asks, and acceptance. I feel more community here than I ever did in church.

If you can, please consider supporting me on Patreon or subscribing on Twitch. Your support will help me make more content and publish my books (Mere Ex-Christianity and The Un-Devotional).

[joyfulexchristian]

If you're into cozy games, want to suggest a verse for me to write about, or just want to come hang out: Follow me on Twitch!

I'll be streaming Stardew Valley from 5-7pm ET on Wednesdays and Thursdays starting January 1st if you'd like to join ♡

[joyfulexchristian]

Letting go of old stories and making new meaning

Early on in my deconstruction, I felt like such a fraud for celebrating the birth of my former messiah. I was still stuck in the black-and-white thinking of fundamentalism.

When I finally relaxed and let a little bit of gray into my life, I saw how most of the things I loved about Christmas had nothing to do with Christ, his birth, or his role as sacrificial savior.

Even after several years as a nonbeliever, I’m still a sucker for the tacky decorations, cheesy TV specials, and the strangely liminal music.

So I’m keeping the good stuff and letting the rest go, which used to be a heart-breaking process for me. But now I know I’m capable of moving on and thriving after letting things go, so I treasure the things that stick around much more than before.

I hope the next couple of weeks are safe, peaceful, and joyful for every one of you. Thank you for your attention this year!

my linktree ♡ | Follow me on Twitch!

[joyfulexchristian]

Thank you for your blog! It’s exactly what I need right now.

I’m currently trying to construct my beliefs after a lifetime raised in the PCA (Presbyterian Church of America). It’s such a mindfuck because I can see how hateful a lot of PCA beliefs are and how when their theology is applied consistently it inevitably leads to abuse. It seems like the only ppl not fostering abuse in the system have twisted the words of the Bible to mean the opposite (ex: “this verse sounds like it’s saying x but if you go to the Greek blah blah it’s actually saying y.” Or “yes that verse does say that but obviously they’re applying it wrong. It was never meant to be taken that far” etc)

But even seeing all of this my coping mechanisms under stress are all still based in God. He was supposed to be the one constant thing and i don’t know what to do with that gone.

I feel like my beliefs are currently so fucked up. Trying to write down everything I feel is true and it’s ludicrously contradictory:

- there is no God

- Jesus is God

- after we did nothing happens. It’s the same as the space before we were born

- God has a plan to redeem suffering. All the pain in the world can’t be for nothing. People who live their whole lives in extreme duress and then die must get a chance after death to live prosperous lives. I don’t need eternal life but I need to know others will have it.

- hell is ridiculous and not real. I don’t want ppl to suffer like that no matter what they’ve done so a perfect God can’t be more petty than me. All I truly want from ppl who abused me is for them to never speak to me again. The only “punishment” I might want for them is for them to realize the damage they did and that I only want so they don’t do it again to others. I’m not talking to them so I don’t care.

I’m sure there are more but that’s all I can think of right now. It’s so confusing and messy! Does it ever settle a bit? Will I ever have a set of consistent beliefs again?

The short answer is yes and yes. Things also felt messy for me at first, but I did eventually reach a point of stability.

Congrats on being open to investigating and improving your worldview! That's such a cool and kind thing to do for yourself that many people never manage. I'm sure there's a lot to unpack, so I want to encourage you to treat yourself well while you're challenging your beliefs. Take breaks, seek support, and be patient.

Early in my deconstruction, I craved certainty because I believed that that's what truth felt like. I thought I would investigate my beliefs until I had a new and better set of beliefs on the other side of the process. But along the way I figured out that stability and consistency don't need to come from having an unchanging set of beliefs.

What I found was that having a good set of tools for seeking, analyzing, and integrating information into my life was more stable than having a static set of beliefs.

My beliefs used to be precious and protected, like trophies in a glass case, high up and out of reach. When I started deconstructing, that case came crashing down.

I felt ashamed that Christianity wasn't the only tool I needed to build a stable set of beliefs. For so many people around me, that seemed to be all they needed.

I began to question why I thought Christianity was true: love, belonging, fear, authority, loyalty, and stability were the main ones. But my beliefs didn't account for empathy, ethics, or epistemology and many other things. Heck, I didn't even know the word epistemology when I started this journey. I didn't know how to seek knowledge without running it through a Christian filter first.

I'd been told that CHRISTIANITY = TRUTH, so I hadn't considered that there were other methods to seeking, analyzing, and integrating new knowledge into my life.

But then I started exploring logic, philosophy, psychology, history, biology, and other subjects I'd been afraid would challenge my Christian beliefs. I started reading about other religions and comparing them to Christianity. And, most importantly, I started going to trauma-informed therapy. All of those things helped me break out of old patterns, learn how to update my beliefs based on new information, and how not to be afraid of that whole process.

Focusing on the tools I used to build my beliefs instead of the beliefs themselves, I was able to put together my own toolbox that helped me establish a more stable system of belief. I still go by my belief-shelf every once in a while, dust things off, admire beliefs that stood up to testing, and reevaluate beliefs that didn't. But that last part got rarer and rarer and no longer feels like the end of the world. Because ultimately, I'm still working with the same toolbox.

I used think that Christianity was a universal set of tools that worked for anyone in any situation, but now I see it as one very old tool that doesn't work for everybody. And, despite what I'd been told again and again as a Christian, the Bible is not a truth-seeking tool. It's a set of stories that can tell us about what the authors thought about themselves and the world. And, don't get me wrong, I love storytelling. I think it's very important. We can learn a lot about other people, their perspectives, and their philosophies. The problem comes in when people take their specific interpretation of stories in Christianity and try to apply them universally.

But we don't have to rely on the same old tools forever. We can try out new tools and figure out what will help us build the life that we want to have. Equipped with a variety of tools instead of one dusty one, we are more prepared to live and thrive in this constantly changing world.

Looking back, I'm glad my shaky shelf of beliefs fell apart. Because it gave me the opportunity to take responsibility for my beliefs instead of just protecting them.

I want to touch on one more point that you raised before I close, and that is the unbearable weight of suffering in the world. I struggled with this a lot during my deconstruction. It's a tough thing, to come from a worldview that has simple answers and adjust to the reality that reducing suffering is much harder than "let go and let God." My advice is to seek out good news, because it won't show up in social media feeds as much as bad news does. Find the people who are helping others, solving problems, and actively building community. Also, try to find some small way to do good, lessen suffering, or prevent harm if you have the ability and resources to do so.

That's part of why I run this blog, to try to help other people let go of harmful Christian beliefs with more joy and less suffering.

Thank you for sending me this ask. Messages like these inspire me. I see the effort and empathy behind your words and it gives me more hope than I had before!

[joyfulexchristian]

Day 11 of The Twelve Days of Shit I Heard at Church. 

An Anonymous Submission

[joyfulexchristian]

To my recent anon asker:

Wonderful questions, I am working on my response!

[joyfulexchristian]

Patreon Post: Mere Ex-Christianity Update + 2025 Announcements

After 4 years of treating my blog like a side project, I finally decided to dive in and take it seriously! I'm treating this like my full-time job right now, which means I'll be posting more often and branching out to other media. If you can share my work with people who you think might like it, I'd appreciate it a lot!

Some things to look forward to in 2025:

Follow me on Twitch for cozy game hangouts 5-7pm ET Wed/Thurs, starting with Stardew on Jan 1

Subscribe on Patreon for exclusive content, like chapter drafts for upcoming books Mere Ex-Christianity and The Undevotional

New projects responding to other Christian content (Chick Tracts, for example)

Coloring books, greeting cards, illustrations, and more!

Thanks for your attention and support!