#AND now im (mostly) well rested
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congrats on your recovery n all yuuji but unfortunately for you I thought the scars were cool >:/
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#jjk art#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#these took so long i kept getting distracted cries#but they r done and this is yuuji's post canon scar map to me. argue with a wall we should have had this#looks at canon this sign won't stop me bc i cant read >:(#smh robbed!!!!!! the potential!!!!! the aesthetic!!!!! th angst the symbolism!!!!!!#gege i respect u i do not want beef after u let my boys live#but u rly couldnt have scuffed him up a LITTLE more.....there were so many to choose from didnt u have a favourite.....#all he has to show fr all that r two little scratches. rly.#((not counting the ear n fingers thank god i get That much))#anyway i made a whole post abt why i think yuuji should have kept the scars n what it would have stood for symbolically#its along th same lines as the yuuji Big Face Scar agenda hh i just care a lot abt character design n visual storytelling ok#anyway fine he can keep the eye but in this house it grew back wrong it's lighter and foggy and now his prescription is stronger#as fr the rest#megumi has dibs on the upper right eye apparently so yuuji can have the bottom half#i would have doubled down on the scars on his left but a. the right side is the symbolic one#b. he healed an entire eye so it makes sense tht he'd heal other more minor injuries as well#c. tbh it's mostly based on what looked good i think this arrangement guides the eye across his face nicely#gave him a lil nose nick bc smth smth sukuna idk it's just there to balance things out#also as i said. the jaw and neck scar are there for kissing purposes i make the rules im salty and i do what i want smile#in other news thank u past hina fr doing those hair render studies im very happy with my yuuji hair as of late
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get booped when you LEAST EXPECT IT!!! (while sleeping <3)
CHERRY??? U SLEEP BOOP ME???? BETRAYAL‼️
#get ready#u dont even KNOW the war i was in last night#ive learned how to spam like a pro#AND now im (mostly) well rested#its so over for u#asks
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Genuinely curious, what’s up with Noir’s age? And what does it have to do with his 08/09 run? ((You may ignore if you wish :D))
i no longer have to do an extremely long explaination about comics noir because it has already been done here, by foolsocracy!!!!!!! really great breakdown of his very vague age, which is never said outright in the 08-09 run, only implied!! my own personal take on this is that he's 17-turning-18 in the first one, just about graduated high school but not able to afford college (see the panel below LOL)
this also got a little longer than i thought it would, so under the cut for the rest of it! the tl:dr is "itsv!noir is not the same as comics!noir, and people saying that he's 19 isn't strictly true. to me, he's around 30!"
eyes without a face (the 09 run!!) only takes place 8 months after, in september 1933, which makes peter 18-turning-19. this is more of a headcanon though!! (see the noir birthday poll, which made me a noir-is-a-december-baby truther)
(peter being a libra is mentioned once in the first issue of amazing spider-man (2015), mostly as a punchline, and a specific date of october 10th was given in another issue that i have lost. other media, like with the mcu, has his birthday on august 10th. but to me noir is a sagittarius and you cannot pry that from me)
the 2020 run of noir begins establishing the year as 1939, making peter around his mid-20s, and 25 if you believe me on the 'peter was 17 in noir 2008' LOL.... i won't lie though i haven't read this one properly i very quickly skimmed so pinch of salt regarding my takes on the 2020 run
noir being in his teens during the first original runs is why "itsv!noir is 17-19" goes around so often! i've seen that on tumblr, twitter AND on tiktok and i don't mind what people hc, but it has become a pet peeve when people say it like its canon even though it's never been mentioned by the writers or the art book. itsv!noir is similar to his comic counterpart, but his differences in his origin story make me interpret him as a different noir (like how peter b.'s dimension is 616B, making him... 90214B?)
again, we are straying from itsv canon/etc here because i'm deranged, but i personally hc noir as being 32! some of my friends think he's in his mid-20s, others think he's older, but really the only reason is that 32 is the midpoint between the other two peter parkers: ripeter was 26 and peter b is 38. he's also voiced by nic cage, which makes me think older in the first place!
i just like the idea that he's more experienced that ripeter, but hasn't gone through as much as peter b. he spends most of the movie being broody ("moral ambiguity of your actions!", "matches burn down to my fingertips", etc etc), or snarkier than you'd expect ("it's that easy" "who are you again?" "you gonna fight or are you just bumping gums" etc etc). he also very sweetly tells everyone that he loves them before he leaves !!! i feel like it can in fact be in character for a peter parker in his late 20-early 30s, distanced from his tragedies in his own world by time (he doesn't forget them, that's different !) being able to look out for the spiders around him.
okay now we are VERY deep into hc territory, but it makes him able to balance out the rest of the itsv spider-gang as an older-brother figure who's able to guide peni, miles and gwen but also be able to act as a voice of reason for peter b. and ham if the sitauation calls for it. that being said noir is still peter parker and is therefore capable of spider-esque tomfoolery, which can lead to him misjudging the need for a snarky one liner ("this is a pretty hard core origin story"). my characterisation of him is also very inspired by heyitsspiderman, the itsv fic that changed me for the better, and noir isn't even in it that much LOL
veering back into itsv!noir's age and your actual question though: he's always read older in the movies, and not at all 17-19. noir is always going to be around 30 (32 if i have to give a number) to me!! if anything, he did go through the same kind of 'canon events' as comics noir did, but is an older and more experienced version of him, with tweaks to the backstory (like a radioactive spider instead of a spider-god, and webshooters instead of organic webbing). there are reasons ofc to see him being younger (egg creams are non-alcoholic, and that if it's 1933, his comicsverse self would be 18-19 too) . however you must consider that sony didn't expand on this and therefore it's up to fan interpretation and also that
#this kind of turns into meta . sort of . sorry about that#and i know some people take those jokes noir makes as like. just very blunt observations of what is happening#i personally believe they are jokes that aren't landing. or just him being a bit annoying <3 i love him for this#i can talk forever and forever about movie noir. its how i got into him in the first place . picked me up and swept me away#and now i overthink and read too much into his like. 6 mins of screentime#also the rich beautiful itsv noir backstory that exists only in my mind..... which is mostly the same#just with small tweaks and adjustments. its MY SIDE CHARACTER and I GET TO CHOOSE THE HCS#eg. the insane 'peter quits working at the bugle very annoyingly for everyone involved before becoming a PI' like this shit just#swirls in my brain. forever and ever.#noir#answered#edit: sorry im just realising this is boiling down to itsv noir is freshly out of his 20s#therefore experiencing post 20s clarity and is not yet going through a peter b-like midlife crisis#and is not a teenager anymore and doesn't have to battle puberty as well as supervillians#so he's somehow doing a little better than the rest of them and able to pass on funny little tips and lifehacks
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currently celebrating Sit On A Heating Pad Saturday and I’m mad about it
#I mean I’m grateful for heating pads#but im mad bc im missing my favorite pole class#but the cold I picked up in Alaska#+ the night of lost sleep from flying#really did a number on my body#and I’m old enough now to recognize when I need to rest#(and old enough to know very well what happens when I don’t)#about me#just whining mostly
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Fic idea: Before or during his Red Hood plan. A returned from the pit Jason Todd is determined to make it to his high school senior prom
WAIT EVEN BETTER, It'd be longer and harder to write but I really like the idea of Jason just casually going to highschool too, and maybe it leads up to the prom. He just shows back up one day. Does something that manages to keep media attention off of him. Would it be before Red Hood? would it encourage him to not don the helmet? Would he do it while Red Hooding? Would he finally get to join an after school theater club?
#jason todd#red hood#dc comics#batman#theres Multiple stories about his school though i cant remember off the top of my head#immediately what comes to me is an annual where he's shown being friends with 3 boys who try to change their grades#its a very fun story#now i dont separate pre and post crisis in my mind well so the rest is probably most likely pre#-the bullies who tried to get others to do drugs#-rena(?) his girlfriend (definitely precrisis)#-the two girls who saw him reading a newspaper and said he was like a silver fox or something#i wpuld like to edit this to show comic numbers eventually#ANYWAY#back to the post#does anyone know he's alive? well. no. but he and talia can certainly have some strings pulled to make it look it#i cant stop thinking about this actually#i want him to go to prom and hang out with kids his age who knew him#and mostly thought he was a loser nerd stick in the mud. i feel jason would prefer that over the anger narrative the heros have#jason getting to dress in a fancy little suit! having a quick dance with rena!#i never got to go to prom so i am projection my desire onto jason also#its not like a big desire but im sad i never got to experience it#fic prompt#?#do i have a tag for this#EDIT: Comic references in the reblog now !
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i must say i did not expect getting a chronic illness diagnosed would be of any help, i thought it wouldn't matter since ive already had it unknowingly for 2 years, but it's actually quite helpful... I suddenly can hardly remember the feeling of having moments where I can't do anything because of my fibromyalgia, which is nice☺️☺️ Without it it feels I can be more optimistic.
But at the same time I can't help but feel the dread of having to take antidepressants for the rest of my life so i can get close to functioning like a normal person. I am quite dependant on them to go through the day without pain and be able to sleep properly. Something about that makes me feel a bit lonely😓😓
#i talk!!!#this one is. a bit of a downer as well as positive#like mostly the effects have been positive antidepressants really do help me a lot#it made me realize heavily that my previous lifestyle was. completely abnormal and I just convinced myself it wasnt#Ive also been able to take things more calmly since I'm now conscious stress is what causes pain to flare up#but at the same time im hit with the dread that im reliant on meds to function and will be for the rest of my life😓😓#it only came to me right now because i forgot to take my anti depressants when i woke up#so the brief hours where i wasnt under its influence i felt weak in pain and with an awful headache#and something about the concept of me being reliant on meds otherwise I'll feel that way makes me really sad#i wish being normal was a thing i could achieve without meds#fibromyalgia
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Oh to write a line that is such an emotional punch to the gut you have to take a break and maybe even go on a walk, like oof
#Raksh's writing ramblings#it took a lot of tweaks and a lot of time just sitting there staring at the paragraph but damn does it hit now#Im actually kinda shocked how well it works#and since its so hot and humid and absolutely godamn awful today that my brain feels like mush#this might be a good point to leave it on today and pick back up on tomorrow#kinda sucks Im only able to get around 600 words a day#But after almost a year of writer's block I'll take it with open arms#(my thesis can wait a lil'm more 🙈🙈)#btw Im writing the final part to the VegasPete time travel AU#and its mostly Vegas' and Gun's confrontation so that's already heavy stuff#but these lines Gun just said to Vegas? oh my god#I might've peaked right there and then#hopefully that'll stay relevant and won’t sound like shit when I get back to it tomorrow 🙈😂#but so far Im having so much fun and it's beginning to look like it might become one of the best things I've ever written#it just Flows and Im letting myself go with the style and its just-- so nice 😩#lots of parallels and lots of implications and mirroring in this confrontation between father and son#might become my favourite bit too#and Id prob appeal to no one but me 🙈 but ehh Im happy with how its turning out and that's important ^^#and if anyone else likes it then thats just an added bonus ^^#now Im gonna go lay down and rest for a bit bcs this heat wave really is killing me#over 32 degrees Celcius with Zero wind snd humid as fuck#I was Not made for this :')
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FANTASTIC NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i finished & posted the ITNL 14 re-edits, WHICH MEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm officially done with my re-edits project!!!!!!!!!! :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ive been thinking a lot today about my plans for ITNL 15, AND i have tomorrow off, so if all goes well i'll be able to start writing again. TOMORROW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and if the chapter grips me like i expect it will then... hehehehehe
could be an update in as little as a few days, depending. i'll keep u guys updated
#speculation nation#itnl shit#im SO fucking ecstatic man ive been looking forward to this for a month and a half#that took SO much longer than i was expecting it to. but i guess editing 75k words while working full time is kind of a lot#it has been a journey. and it is now complete.#and now i can move on to the NEW THINGS!!!!!!!!! INCLUDING a chapter id been looking forward to for So Long#it's for the best that i went thru the whole fic again. itnl 14 was so hard to write bc i was just Not that mentally there with it#and also uh. The Everything.#i think 15 will be easier. MUCH easier. and im really looking forward to having proper writing motivation again.#AND......... IF ALL GOES WELL.............. i'll hopefully be able to ride that motivation train through the next few chapters#Which Means we could be seeing wolfwood in as little as a few weeks!!! maybe!!!!!!!!#i hope so !!!!!!!!!!! i wanna write him SO fucking bad#and like itnl IS a vw fic. it IS. i SWEAR. it's just mostly been grieving and pining from vash so far lksdjflsdjkfsdlkf#but it will have actual vw. eventually.#im like practically vibrating now but i need to go to sleep. so i can have the brain strength to write tomorrow hehehe#i took a melatonin to hopefully knock myself out soon. i GOTTA get some good rest tonight. for the Writing Brain.#and if i daydream about the start of next chapter.... hehehehe#more power to me then :]
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among the boundless billions zaniness like laugh track as it definitely has that moment of expressing "rolling my eyes as The Left makes a kerfuffle of Acting like they have a stance as a veneer over the true belief that [xyz] is cool & chill actually" like what, approximate 0.000% chance wendy isn't, as usual, given the Objective Stance of "yeah yeah ohh we are cancelling involved parties talking about how we Don't watch this But. we all love this damn epic movie & already have it memorized so shut the fuck up, kids today" like. don't wanna really delve into how much billions thinks taylor or anyone is "really" trans / nonbinary like not too much benefit of the doubt in this material including what does provide info abt that specifically
& the general like [head in hands. what do you think any of this could possibly be about (you're the one that made your show at all about Power)] of "yes, it's bad/wrong to be someone that someone has done something to / victim of something" like that to be anti misogyny All Women Must Be Epic Winners b/c there's something to be proved: that they don't Deserve to be victims (of misogyny), not taken as a Given. while when we see some epic winner men stepping on other men (who need not all be guaranteed Winners so as to say misogyny is wrong), that's often Good, well beyond any assumption that various forms of basic disrespect / violation / patterns of emergent/entrenched power difference as Bad (for being things done to people, not for there being people they're being done to), & generally billions has to take an extra step when ppl get shitted on & tell us the Specific Cases when it was undeserved actually & someone was being mean to a specific person who didn't deserve that. & the specific cases when hey guess it wasn't that bad(tm) or when hey It's Okay that you're someone something was done to, in this case. & tell us what we were supposed to know all along like when someone who something was being done to (wrong Of Them, whether b/c they inherently deserve it no matter what, &/or b/c they failed to be someone who could make it Impossible to do anything to them, which, how do you do that besides being The Authority / Superior yourself, exactly? nonrhetorically? what if the in group vs out group / fascism / authoritarianism protected Me?) was actually being treated Too Well b/c ah well the abuse meant you were getting any attention, maybe it meant you were claimed as any superior's property, maybe it meant you weren't Already disposed of, as all Losers were in the end, You're Welcome.
obviously referring to winston where it's spelled out all the abuse towards him was deserved, & More than he deserved in the case of rian having more access & taking advantage of that, all for billions' enjoying its own sendoff there of, again, maximizing violation & violence short of [real violence is physical & leaves bruises / draws blood / Literally kills] which would be distasteful in general But doesn't it make wags look like the winner & winston the loser is that the former's completely unrelated completely impersonal ego blow gets way amplified taken out on winston, the most vulnerable recurring character when spyros as [first & ultimate Everyone Hates Him role] is more entrenched in there & billions still magnanimously pities tuk, as it does winston too, just not quite as much. again that like completely surface level realized power fantasy of forcing the mirror up to the Inferior so they're like nooo my inferiorityyyy & in doing so like, the projection in that lmao, we get it re: the valuing of & need(tm) for such Power Tripping & Reaffirming My Superiority & My Ego Restored; Everyone Claps like good god. & then for all ben & tuk are the slightly softer Two Too Nice Boys duo to the rian & winston quant duo, also like too nice i guess but not as much, ben is in charge of tuk but Any instance of rian being in charge of winston outstrips them in that "yay interpersonal abuse" dynamic, like then in the end billions may be like "yeah it's possible to be mean to them unlike how being mean to winston is actually Nice b/c he deserves everything he gets, we only vicariously enjoy it vs Feeling Bad for tuk & ben sometimes (still magnanimously & it's Not That Bad / just goofin)" like ben & tuk still Fail by not being people it's impossible to do anything to. & not Exceptions who anyone is really being Too Mean to. like if they were women, in which case, no problem surely with a "positive" kind of victim blaming where there is something Inherent that Will be victimized so hey how about to cancel that out there's this special Paternal Protection you Need always, Or Else? :) but instead they are men who are asian & is ben gay & w/tuk & winston nobody mentions glasses or fatness but billions doesn't really do much or very in depth textual mentioning of Anything, even w/nonzero mention that there may be gender & race in this world. a gay man, once. no disability. we just Know who are the inferiors who deserve it when they're treated inferiorly, or if they don't, they start deserving it when they fail to stop/avoid it, but if you start mentioning the factors behind who we all totally agree is inferior like whoa nobody was Saying any of that? being the real agent of oppression on the basis of the factors only You spelled out, much? nonbinary? i never say anything about the Gender Binary when i'm subscribing to it, sounds like You've created & enforced it. obfuscation & deflection onto [so Just Normal nobody has to label, explain, or argue it] couldn't serve a purpose & protect the existing power differences as they are. maybe You're the problem? perhaps you brought it upon yourself & now you're causing too much trouble standing up for yourself while everyone else's criticism is laser focused on you as the prior & continuing negative actions done to you are taken as a given / unquestioned / covertly protected to overtly encouraged?
anyway so wild if the Completely Normal(tm) Victim Blaming is uncritically recreated & oft embraced for "if you're watching this & don't wish you were axe / find him appealing" [billions as a sequence of vicarious power trips] purposes in this series....but a bit wild considering like this is your multiseason show that wasn't just purporting to be those power trips for [enough demographic & apparently specific personal tastes overlap w/creators] & was at all purporting to question the matters of power at play in the material, or yknow, at least to not be completely superficial material while said material is textually & thematically all about power difference being leveraged, how, the consequences, & so on. thus i will have to intermittently talk about it forever like this like lord unbelievable. & the funny little & sometimes less funny less little characters it has trapped in there so that those of us who were never meant to be in the audience can be cursed with this knowledge. like i have some feedback. "imagine not victim blaming" & "imagine adjusting your perspective can go beyond superficial layers added to politely defer to some other ppl while they're present but really like cmon do they deserve that. am i not just saying what we're allll thinking"
#another random night another Verbal Effusion of [forehead to hand]#winston billions#who needs actual questions about power or the consequences of getting to consider others Lessers & acting accordingly#when we can last minute be like uh wendy is god actually. take it away wendy (wait she just does whole other shit half the season)#okay Now take it away wendy i guess b/c the series is dead set on you being the Moral Center#if mostly b/c gosh everyone either loves owning you as pseudo wife or correctly recognizes & defers to your superiority#the scene i couldn't bear to sit through at the start of s7 way too long sequence of wendy Going To Work to the ''cuz im awesome'' song#i was like. lol. i was like okay that is wendy's mood / perspective then. Wrong. it was billions conveying Fact to the audience. rip#abt as great setup for ''the only other shoe that finally dropped was that of Yeah It's This Completely Surface Level'' as possible (:#prince has exactly the same attitudes & actions as wendy does? uh well you see. it's just bad when he does it#if only more wendys were in charge. if only we go ''well even if it's bad if wendy does it? or axe or whoever? Could Be Worse''#nothing to analyze in the [but at least it's not worse] dead end re: justification of Power Leveraging & minimization of its consequences#tl;dr just the victim blaming embraced everywhere & the idea that everything that Deviates from the Norm Too Ethically Mindedly#is just that veneer slapped on overtop of [haha but truly: the norm] like no but seriously we all know It's Not That Deep(tm)#even for the characters written to exercise this [my Extra Mile Ethics] trait regularly it's expressed as this Polite Addendum#to the [what's Really at play] normal. the And Enbies tacked on; that's that on that & it Is an extra veneer to the norm#prince asking if taylor's changing up their pronouns; no more Meant a red flag than him immediately shitting on winston i'm sure#yet yknow why tf suppose taylor more than anyone else would Change Pronouns. taylor who the series also only ever shows as being#misgendered As A Woman. whose drag / cisguise As A Woman is not treated in the same way a man's would be / is#whose emotive / expressive affect isn't either. billions like [the genders are m/f] to [perhaps also amab/afab] Tacked On#as something politely Extra you do to their face that doesn't actually change (threaten) your idea of what's just Normal & True#like it's normal & true that ugh god don't you hate the autistic people around you? don't you wish you could go sicko mode on them#so that they couldn't be around you anymore & they'd have brought it upon themself & really it was good of you b/c The Group Cohesion#thanks you & b/c you just gave them free ABA? yes yep Surely Unquestionably#problem isn't abuse & concomitant violation in & of itself. it's Bad to be someone that's done to. we will announce Exceptions#rest of you either you brought it upon yourself or you failed to Correct that you're not someone who inherently deserves it#that is: someone who just can & will Stop It if done to them. well so you see winston pushing back is ignored or treated to further#backlash & then he withdraws (expression of his experience / creation of a consequence which tells the other Stop Doing This)#&/or otherwise conveys displeasure / being hurt (same as before. ''uh well push back / express xyz'' ppl did & were steamrolled/ignored)
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also this comic im not going to finish. its just tighnari introducing himself and being really nice to 12 year old collei
#the siblingisms.#collei#tighnari#<-- once again . tags r mostly for me. but if you see this *waves* hi#doodles#the idea for the rest of this was smth like tighnari going ''the general mahamatra has told me some really incredible things about you in#in his letters'' and colleis like ''....me?'' and tighnaris like yes! you! im honored to have the chance to teach such an incredible studen#andddddd well you know. siblingisms#:'')#also Yes tighnari has really long hair here. in the genshin that exists in my mind tighnari cuts his hair later on#because he wants to make collei feel more welcome & goes ''now we match!''#m#colleiction
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ah shit only just realised its september now.... lets hope the rest of this month isn't like this.....
#just med shit innit. gonna force myself up at my usual work time even tho i have the day off bc I need to be in my routine or ill lose it#i am. very tired and very sad. and thats ok generally im ok ive been keeping myself so busy for weeks and weeks#and im glad im going out n doing shit often n meeting new ppl n trying to focus more on hobbies n get more on the life balance#but whenever i have a moment to stop i still get so sad. ik exactly why theyre all just old aches n wounds i dont want to wallow in them!!#lately its been well under control i only usually have one actual bad day a week and sometimes its not even a whole day#and the rest im.just busy and i dont know if im just avoiding things and its not satisfying being busy bc im still missing out needs#but i cant fulfil them so might as well stay busy and not think about it!!#and its okay its all okay im just so sad right now :-( but im going to sleep soon and then ill be busy tmr so i dont have to think abt it#i wanna ventpost abt it but also i dont rly want to bc findinf the words to talk abt the things distressing me involves thinking abt it#which will just.make me feel worse. and it wont resolve anything bc its all mostly outside of my control anyway just hurts innit#but im trying hard to make my life bigger than it was before even if its still shallow and not quite enough at least it covers more space#yeah yeah we all want to feel genuine connection and wanted and loved but life doesnt often work out like that so.#hands in your pockets player keep it moving. im goiny to brush my teeth and then rly need to go to bed zzzzz#.diaries#hope everyone else had a nice weekend i had a pretty good saturday at least. and played a lot of videogames today so could be worse#very glad i dont have work tomorrow as well thank u past me for booking it off ahh..
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Do you distance yourself from fear?
Do you follow the orders of the powerful?
Remember, your defiance belongs to me.
#fem skk#atleast my version of them#i like the idea of fem dazai being really soft looking#but a little cold as well#i like the idea of an actual eye patch too#as for Chuuya I like the idea of an elegant but boyish but still feminine vibe#what am I saying?#androgynous but in a way that's still heavily femme leaning#my hand started cramping while doing Dazai so she looks like shit#but I still like her#i was indeed listening to toxic ass love songs while making this so like uhh...#i am gonna ignore the rest now#i dont actually wanna tag this#mostly cause Im not sure if I want to put this out into the fandom#might delete later#bonus for anyone who gets the song reference
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had a dream that i was sick and dying of cancer but ngl it was the best sleep that ive had in MONTHS
#in my dream i was just pretty sick and exhausted and didn't have the mental energy to do homework or write#mostly was just lying in bed and playing video games#there was other stuff too like going to a hospital and a library IN A HOSPITAL and an experimental surgery#but for some reason my exhaustion in my dream translated to real life and i slept like a baby 😴😴#also i remember at one point talking to a friend about my death and being like#“i know and im gonna miss you too.... but the worst part is actually i won't even miss you. but you're gonna miss me”#something like that#ANYWAY im well rested now and ready for Inanimate insanity time witj the bros 😎#txt
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so look. i’m in denial about all the rumours in regards to prospective flames trades. i literally cannot think about it.
#calgary flames#first lindy which#i expected as well as backs#but now noah and looch#AND TOFF#i can’t#literally i am going to cry no matter what happens#look#i finally stopped living in denial about mattys trade#i mean mostly#and now i gotta face this#GOD#i can’t rest#anyways#i AM excited about some of the changes like iggy#and im excited for huby to play a season not under sutter#and yk i just hope that whoever we get in return for the boys who want out#are excited to play here and maybe make the team into something that actually#seems like a team again#yk???#gosh im just#ouch#i rly thought tyler was gonna stay at least#:(((
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me, 12 AM: okay gotta sleep for school now
brain: yeah okay.
brain, 3 AM: hey good morning. that was enough sleep right?
#no it wasnt. im gonna be tired at school but i cant go back to sleep because im too awake now#wahughhhhh!! i guess im nervous? but only like. a little bit. ive been doing college for years so this is a bit old hat now#its mostly that i can never sleep well on the night before school. alas!!#i know the thing about ''if you lay there and close your eyes it counts as a little bit of rest'' and im trying i swear#but then my bodys just like ''i am SO BORED YOU MUST MOVE NOW#didnt mean to hit enter there but yeah ok. anyway gang. im all packed up for college basically.#gonna wear my pretty bluebird polo shirt and my comfy pants and maybe tie my hair up for the full experience. depends on how masc i feel#its gonna be in the 90° out today and thats so unpleasant. why. would they do that.#gotta wear sunscreen and maybe steal a cap who knows.#ugh can't sleep. maybe i'll find something to eat. :/#love you!! see you later!!#periodical life updates
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oh my foolish, hungry heart, how will we weather this storm and then the next and then the next and the next yet, my dear?
#i have biiiig feelings and when it's so over it's SO over. eventually i feel better and giddy up get up up back up again but ALAS.#will i ever learn? will i ever rest? will things ever get easier? would be nice.. but i know not to trust this feeling#because it's mostly that i want love to come in and save me. and i understand why i feel like that.#but i know the reality is just working soo so hard and trying soo so hard with all my heart to save my heart#sometimes i look at other people's problems and can only go good luck to yall.. well now IM other people. good luck to me. good luck to me.#🍊 💭
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