#AND THOSE FUCKING LASHES

[psalmsofpsychosis]

11.21.2024 / Guns out!

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[archiewantsheetmetal]

What about the Great Don Paolo?

WHAT ABOUT ME??

[arom-antix]

Happy birthday to the man, the myth, the legend, trophy husband of Yuuri Katsuki, Viktor Nikiforov!

[tea-cat-arts]

"Madam Yu would be a Karen/ treat minimum wage employees like shit-" literally the only servant she's shown abusing is Wei Wuxian (and that's because he's the victim of a proxy war between her and Jiang Fengmian around the idea of him being adopted into the family, not because of his class). Madam Yu's two handmaid's love and respect her, and Madam Yu actually defends them when Wang Lingjiao tries being a Karen to them. She also tells Wang Lingjiao to fuck off when she demands the Jiang servants bring her tea.

Also, Karens are unpleasant women, but not all unpleasant women are Karens. That term is about entitlement and being unreasonable (and often times, racist). Madam Yu is mean and unpleasant to talk to, but she keeps most of her interactions brief and probably doesn't have the time or mental energy to be a Karen or hold a grudge that long. If you want an actual example of a Karen in mdzs, Wang Lingjiao is right there

[skitskatdacat63]

This photo was life-ruining for me(and @sweatyflytrap ) honestly....

[haroldhearsawho]

It should illegal to look this fucking pretty as a fucking ginger

[kuroko99]

HIM HIM HIM HIM HIM

[calcium-supplement]

hrgh. so scared for h5n1 😷🫠

[seilon]

love when this is referred to as the gifted kid website. shockingly my mental disorders made me mentally disordered and school never really vibed with that so. couldn’t be me

[epickiya722]

You know what, call it a "hot take" or whatever but when it comes to character designs in My Hero Academia, my favorite ones are the female character designs.

If you asked me which designs I like the most the list with mostly consist of the female characters.

That isn't to say I hate the male ones because I do have favorites and some female designs don't catch my eyes as much.

But just like in general of hairstyles, eye colors, skin tones, the vibes... whatever I find myself more attentive to the female character designs than I am for the male ones.

[ilovemesomevincentprice]

Vincent Price

Confessions of An Opium Eater aka Souls for Sale (1962)

[spacedace]

Thinking about the preserved evidence of children playing in the mud formed in a giant sloths footprint 11,000 years ago and the little felt plush swan they found preserved in a burial site from 2300 years ago and the pattern of the clothes found on a bog body in Denmark from 2000 years ago and all the pawprints that litter our history and all the little notes of love and affection that have survived through the centuries and the jokes and the joys and the the stories we still pass down from a time so long ago the stars themselves were different and any way I'm crying over how people have been like this, looking for joy and companionship and comfort and beauty and love in all the forms it comes in since the beginning.

[cursed-spirit-manipulation]

I think the problem with a lot of Geto analysis online cannot truly understand that he's a victim and abusive. Like I'll straight up say jujutsu society is abusive and exploitative and he had to deal with three people his age and younger Dying (Satoru he was supposed to be working with, Riko was literally. There. And then Haibara who y'know. Is his junior so there's a level of protection and teaching they're supposed to have) and I can yap about my opinions on some of the stuff that's implied but also. HES A CULT LEADER AND CULTS ARE ABUSIVE. Even in his short interaction with the women he helps he is rude demeaning and manipulative (idk how to describe the name thing he's just fucking weird) he's willing to just Murder People in cold blood and he's a eugenicist who dehumanizes people and compares them to animals like. And even with sorcerers who he "respects" like. Do I need to explain how eugenics interacts with bodily autonomy or is that generally understood. I'll say straight up that I think he basically just copy pasted power dynamics from Jujutsu society (basically why I call him a victim of that. Jujutsu society is a-ok with child murder let's all remember that) but just bc they're learned doesn't make them Less Abusive (it just points to a bigger problem)

He contains multitudes and some of the multitudes involve being traumatized and physically assaulted as a child and others involve being a hateful person who decided that lateral violence feels good

[ratsword]

internet not big enough...saw what is unmistakably his art style and felt like vomiting. it's crazy how someone can continue to poison you even after years of being blocked.

[compassmili]

I kinda really hate how I've been treated throughout my life