#AND THEY CHAT AND MEET UP AND HAVE FUN
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coping by imagining Michael Shelley in TMagP universe he and Gerry CLEARLY meet on weekends and chat and have fun and nothing bad has ever happened to either of them and they are both ok and alive this is 100% truth
#the magnus protocol#the magnus pod#tmagp#THEYRE OK#THEYRE BOTH ALIVE#AND THEY CHAT AND MEET UP AND HAVE FUN#REGUIHQIRWJGE#magnus protocol#magnus pod#magpod#michael shelley#gerard keay#gerry keay
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In X2 Logan snuffs out his cigar in his hand in the cerebro room and POOR CHARLES HAS TO SIT THERE AWKWARDLY AND LISTEN TO LOGAN GETTING TURNED ON BY BURNING HIMSELF BRUH. Charles' face during that whole scene is just... "Come on man right in front of my salad?"
X2 is often regarded as the best movie of the original trilogy and bits like Logan Getting A Hard On In The Cerebro Room Because He's A Masochist While Charles Is Trying Really Hard To Work is definitely one of them
#snap chats#PLEASE ITS MY FAVORITE#LIKE CMON DAWG..... ik charles a freak What Goes Around Comes Around BUT CMON DAWG#NOT IN THE CEREBRO ROOM HAVE SOME DECORUM#also hi everyone i just came back from a club meeting. isnt that fun i go to clubs now <- it was the last meeting of the semester#was horrified to learn that people on campus Do recognize me and acknowledge i exist#on the plus side they all think my kirby headphones are very sexy and my outfits are also very sexy so hey. maybe existing's ok#what isnt sexy about this outfit is that its another corset top and i am once again going up three flights of stairs later#'snap stop investing in corset tops' ok first off i havent even bought a corset top in months. step off me. AND i only own two#and second off I Will Not so ill just have to die this way
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My fourth wall OCs! ♥ (Patreon)
I tried to put everything in the tags but ended up being too long-winded lol, so here it is instead!
For this year’s big behind-the-scenes project, I realized I haven’t given colour references to a lot of my 4th Wall characters! There are...a surprising proportion of femboys who are aware of their existence here now that I look at it lol - I mean technically only Cory and Mint count there but that's still 2/8 - a fourth is kind of a lot! Their sizing is pretty funny to me as well, Cory’s proportions make everyone else look tiny by comparison, he’s just got a very large eye! Set right next to Gijat too, Vortians are so compact - he’s fully grown he’s an adult he’s just small!
Okay, for actuals now, starting left-to-right - while they’re obviously organized by height, it's funny because Cure is also the oldest by creation date. She's front of the line on everything! How silly. She's larger than your average plush bear but only by a little - just enough to be like Mildly intimidating if she approached haha. Puntable - and yet unpuntable lol. It's not just her being the oldest of the lot that makes her more powerful (although that is a contributing factor - she’s aware of her status both in and out of character!). It's not just Kids Rules either since she was made such a long time ago - y'know like ''Oh yeah well my character is [very powerful for X reasons]'' - although yes Also That lol. She's a Fourth Wall OC down to her roots, always intended that way - not everyone here can say that!
Tala also has that edge! Though in a very different way haha - she's also the only one here with a physical counterpart, which is fun :D Means she can go on “actual” adventures and bring that knowledge back with her cartoon versions - both are as real as the other! I keep forgotting her bow, agh, I need to take some more pictures of her sometime so my mental picture of her is more up to date haha
I guess my blankslate HF expression kind of counts?? Lol, it’s mostly for funsies, they’re more like a Concept As Person so?? Sure lol, With Accessories of course lol - haven’t been fighting it much lately so that’s all for now ♪ I wonder if they’ll stay so lucky in the near future hmmm
Gijat! ♥ He ended up being an accidental fourth wall character actually haha, he wasn’t designed with that in mind! He's not meant to know such things, but he did fairly well with it while he was part of the main rotation :) He was designed to be a story character but he ended up being my favourite comfort character so he got a few glimpses out <3 He hasn't for a while though! He's been retired for a long while actually - he's the second oldest character in the lineup after Cure but she had more staying power, sorry Gi <3 I did draw his fairy version not all That long ago tho! It’s hard to let go of anyone for Too long haha
Cory ♥ My sweet special boy <3 He's also the third oldest here! He was the first one to assert himself as a fourth wall OC haha ♪ Cure didn't really congeal into an OC for a long time - she stayed a concept and Gijat was on accident - whereas Cory purposefully and clearly looked outward from the start. He Has a story but it's never been all That developed - he has some non-4th Wall character-friends but his main focus is other, unrelated characters. He's always been very interested in other OCs, a lot of which stems from Bar actually haha - he and Bar are near-contemporaries - they're both featured here for a reason haha
Mint >:| He's...fine. He was inspired from a weird source and has therefore always Been weird - and also asserted himself like Cory. Same story - he has canon story elements but for the most part he's interested in others! Usually in a Pursuit kind of way, and not just limited to my OCs >:/ He needs to behave himself is what - he also has like 1000 outfits and they rarely repeat, ugh, pick one! I wasn’t familiar with the eGirl aesthetic at the time I made him, but he 100% fits it, look at him in his elf ears and heterochromatic contacts smh. I don’t actually know his real eye colour, or hair colour! He wears contacts and dyes his hair and won’t tell me, he even started dating a non-4th wall character without asking! He’s a real wild card
Erase is probably the babiest of the list despite Tala being newer and younger - everyone else was made before Erase! They’ve had had less screen time and less development than everyone else too.They're an incredibly light and oddly harmless fourth wall presence lol for all the danger They pose in Their story :0 They're fairly polite all things considered. They actually have a degree of respect for the fourth wall - unlike Some people (Mint) - probably from acknowledging The Player/Character vs. developer. If there's a hierarchy capable of being distinguished then Erase is going to place Themself in the safest spot. Y'know - to cause problems from lol. I do need to play with Them more - They're fun! But fun isn't quite enough to be full-fledged Interesting just yet, more to do, more to do
It's almost unfair to have Erase right next to Bar lol - possibly my most Interesting OC of all time. First created in 2015 quite soon after Cory, even in the same notebook! He retired in 2017, I think? 2018 at the latest - and then was revived in 2020 and has been here again since. And that's just his timeline! Not counting everything that went into him character-wise. Obviously my sonas don't count as 4th wall OCs because y'know - they're me - but Bar falls kind of unclear of the line between OC and sona, he's always been a weird one. He was initially meant to be an RP character and then over time he developed into a 4th wall OC/sona of a Kind. Nowadays he's a fully-fledged 4th wall OC by design - his change in design from his 2020 revival was meant to represent his transformation thereof - but he's always been weird! If I had to pick a character that I’d consider “overdeveloped” or put too much of myself in - even more than some of my sonas - it'd be him. He's one of my favourites because of that but it's hard to quantify how exactly I feel about him haha. I love him! It's painful! He's great! He's awful! He's very important to me and he'll never return to being what he was first created for again. I do quite like his new design <3 Paying homage to the video that sent him crashing back into relevance for me haha
It was fun to draw everyone :D And it's nice that they all have colour references now! Mint has definitely been the longest without one, everyone else has had at least Something - even Erase! And They're way newer! I did make Mint in a couple online dollmakers but that's not quite the same thing haha, he really needs his clothes hand-drawn :P
It's good to have them all :) They're a fun bunch and I like all of them <3 I think it’s kinda funny and a little strange how few crossovers they’ve had with each other though! So far it’s really only been Tala-Bar-Cory - the rest are aware of each other but haven’t really met, how strange, considering what they are!
#My art#Original#Would definitely recommend opening in a new tab on this one lol#This year's Requestober warmup project!#I actually ended up finishing everything well before the end of the season so I had to cast around for a few smaller things to do haha#But if anything I'm quite pleased that something of this size was able to be done so quickly!#It does help that my 4th wall OCs are some of my favourites haha - they get invited out! Or push themselves there >:P#I don't mind with Cory but Mint smh#I don't Really mind with Mint either pft but I do like to give him a hard time - he's a troublemaker!#On top of the high proportion of femboys there's also a lot of troublemakers in here - some of these interactions would be explosive lol#I do think it'd be fun to have them all meet up a bit more! Cure showed interest in Mint not too long ago#And Cory loves everyone haha he's actually very good about all that - he's kind of like a foster parent welcoming new rescues hahaha#He's always been like that <3 It's why he gets a birthday celebration most years good boys deserve good birthdays#I think Gijat would probably be overwhelmed by most everyone haha he really wasn't built to interact with others outside of his own story#And his fairy version probably hates me so there's that lol#He's good with kids tho! He could probably chat with Tala and they'd both be alright :)#Bar as usually snapping up any spare screentime and focus - gotta talk about him! Pft ♪#He's fairly chill thankfully - a little standoffish but that's to be expected really#Now that I think of it I drew Cory holding a tiny Bar when they were first contemporaries - I could do the opposite now!#Bar throws off the scale of everyone else so much haha <3#Goods lads ♥
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The real vibes are having Canva open on one tab to make mini-comics, Eureka on another tab, and a third tab for my Eureka timeline and fact doc.
Also extra tidbit! Eureka as a show only has 3 canon dates. Over five seasons. We have canon years but not canon dates (Time travel is in the show). The canon dates we have is October 3rd, 2006 + October 3rd, 2010, April 15th, 1947 + April 15th, 2010, and another one that I can't remember right now. The rest are implied or holiday episodes. So that is why I am making a timeline! Mainly for my fic and for me to figure out what is going on.
#read the tags trust me#my friend Sunny looked at me with shock in her eyes when i showed this to her at the Trunk-Or-Treat she invited me to#Sunny saw my google drive and said “oh wow.”#I also tried to convince her to join this dead fandom#I don't know if i convinced her but i got her friends interested#note Sunny never mentioned me to these people before yet I have heard of them before#this was also my first time meeting these people#I believe that she made the mistake of letting us meet#we bolted EPIC The Musical together#Sunny also convinced me to do karaoke with them#fun fact! despite knowing Sunny for over two years I have only met up with her four times in real life#Homeschoolers baby! We play Minecraft for hours on end over voice chat#we live 30 minutes away#these tags are longer then the post#this got away from me#why am i doing this#a timeline for a dead show#whyyyy#i might be going insane#i might have a problem#eureka#eureka tv show#a town called eureka#Just Another Day In Eureka AU#Discovery In Eureka AU
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i’m pretty surprised that you can be in a fandom without really checking the tags regularly for new content or discussions that’s pretty impressive
ive got twitter for that and twitter has shown me enough as is
#snap chats#i dont even check twitter specifically for rgg its just that my algorithms been formed that way cause friends send me tweets#on the real though jvALEKJEKL ive always. how you say. played with dolls alone#so being alone online isnt hard or anything particularly 'impressive' to me its just how i roll#ive always lived in my head i guess- with my interests that is. its fun up there vlkeajkla#i still like to hear from other people of course but for the most part im happy with just myself im not all that pressed for others#i think its also just. i have. other interests? so i dont really think i want to look at One Particular Thing that day. at least for tumblr#i MIGHT just cause thats how the day goes but i dont think 'i feel like looking at rgg art today'#whatever i see I See and that'll be that yk i love a lot of things and think of a lot of things#evidently SOME things take a hold of me more than others- or ill wanna be more public bout it at least#but thats jsut cause i just feel SO MUCH for Whatever Thing It Is At The Time that i want to share it. so then i do jvlskjs#with that in mind can i really say im 'in' a fandom when i dont particularly interact with it LMAO#again always happy to do so but im like an estranged uncle if anything#come over once a year to drop gifts off then i leave. ill still respond to holiday cards though if theyre sent#also for discussions ill usually just talk to my brother about it since he'll usually be The Main Sponge for my rambling LOLOL#god's strongest soldier i promise i try to hold back but im afraid i feel my brain physically tickle my skull#my brother always has to watch in real time me be consumed by a piece of media. like its a symbiote its really funny#cause at this point we'll meet in the kitchen and ill start like 'you know whats really funny..'#and he'll just. 'ok so who's it about today' LIKE PLEAAAASSSEEE. anyways prepare for my ninth 90 minute lecture about This Character#i also have a friend that i talk about my interests with- not all the time but enough that im like. Yeah Im Good Talkin Bout This#like the dopamine in my brain is activated JUST enough when i get to have quick short convos bout it with her#honestly maybe i should use my blacklisted main and rb ALL of my sideblog posts there#just so the people following that can Also witness me be consumed in real time <- will not do this
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woke up still thinking about street racer hq au uh oh
#fuji chats#see the thing is. my brother is really into cars#and we have gone to meets from time to time#so it's also just bringing up a lot of memories LOL#and i unironically love the fast and furious movies#they're so silly and fun
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I’ve had the bestest day in this city and now I’m finally getting some solo adventure time 🥹
#I thrifted a fucking awesome jacket then chatting with a cutie at a shop who was very sweet and picked a perfume out for me#then swung into a comic book store and got a mitsuri figure and the first solo leveling volume#helped my bestie pick out wedding dresses then chatted with a super fun waitress over#a few glasses of her favorite wine and gave me some food recs 😋 and now I’m going to eat and drink more on my own and maybe meet up#with her. yippee!!! I love making new friends and eating and drinking and touring a beautiful city. I still have a few days here and I just#feel so magical. also I should definitely move up here holy shit#wurm.txt
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well mark that down as situation 2938489 that I don't know how to handle
#i would love advice on this if y'all have any thoughts to share because i know what my parents think and im having trouble sorting it out#i love these three friends of mine but it is really draining to be around them now because all they will talk about is church drama#(re: our old church) and rehashing it all and being Outraged about the horrors etc etc#either that or being downright condescending about protestants/non denominations and acting like it's funny to talk like that all the time#i end up being more angry or resentful or exasperated at the end of our conversations than glad and at peace like i did before#(before all THIS ish happened and the three of them were like okay this is all we're going to talk about now)#i've tried to say in gentle ways (i am simply not capable of this kind of blunt confrontation) that maybe we should not be talking#so uncharitably towards other people especially behind their backs. like. yes bad things happened. we have to acknowledge that.#but continually making jokes and jibes at a priest's expense really rubs me the wrong way especially since i KNOW that he loves us#and in many ways was trying his best in the circumstances. and are we not supposed to be loving our neighbour#and is this not downright slander to keep going on this way esp since it goes on for HOURS at a time#anyway i don't know what to DO because if i keep chatting with them/meeting up with them conversation will be 90% this thing and i Hate It#but on the other hand i feel responsibility towards them because my godson's one of them and another is a friend who is a fairly recent#convert and if i leave them to stew in their own echo chamber i doubt it'll do them good#am i supposed to keep some distance? am i supposed to keep arguing whenever one of them says something unkind or inflammatory?#am i supposed to keep speaking up so that they hear a different perspective? am i supposed to run in the other direction for my own peace o#mind? anyway i am still thinking this over and it stresses me OUT#it used to be fun and life giving to be around these people and now it is so exhausting and seriously alarming in many ways
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Went out with 5 friends yesterday and after 2 peeled off, 4 of us went to a different bar where a third person left, but the last 3 of us stayed (and it's the latest I've ever been out I think, like I was home at like a quarter to 4) and it was so fun, but I keep thinking about this absolute legend of a guy we met, he was from copenhagen which I won't hold against him, and clearly already drunk, maybe somewhere in his early to mid 40s, and got so excited that one of us was rolling her own cigarettes, and he showed off he had a hidden full size vodka bottle stuffed down the front of his pants, and he also showed off his knuckle tattoos which on one hand was an area code for and I quote "the worst part of copenhagen" and then he showed the other hand which was like numbers that each represents a letter (idk what that's called) and was like "you guys know what this means right? Do we agree?" very excitedly, and it literally means "ACAB" lmao
Anyway then when he and his friends came back out later and saw that I was ALSO rolling my own cigarettes he got even more excited, pulled out the vodka bottle and asked if we didn't want a shot each, and normally I would not in any way want to accept a drink from a guy I don't know from a bottle stuffed down his pants, but I said sure man, if you're offering why not, not intending to actually drink it, but one of my friends downed hers immediately before he even finished pouring for the rest of us, and it literally was just vodka so I also just drank mine (well, half, he filled up my shot glass quite a bit more than hers had been, not on purpose but he was drunk and it was hard to control, so I gave her half of mine) and it was just such a fun experience and he had such a rad fucking vibe and he was so nice lmao, like he left immediately after and wasn't in any way pushy even though one of his friends was telling him he was and telling us she'd drag him along so he wasn’t intruding, but he was just honestly a great dude and it was a great experience and I had a really good time overall and I love my friends 😭
#AND i think my new meds are also helping my tolerance a lot because last time we were out i had half a beer and was way more drunk than last#night where i had almost a full 750ml bottle of 5% alcohol myself 2 shots a gin hass a breezer and 2 juice and vodka/gin drinks#and i dont have anything even remotely close to a hangover today thank god still havent experienced one#but it's also a testament to how much i like these people because i had a pretty bad headache all day yesterday from when i woke up and i#forgot my loop earplugs at home and i still stayed out as long as the rest did#it was such a lovely time#we also all chatted and played Red Flags and Cards against humanity and later Who's most likely to and it was just such a good time#as someone who lost the years of my life when people usually do the drinking and partying and only have tried it once or twice it just means#a lot#and then meeting fun randos on top of it is just. idk it feels like I'm maybe starting to catch up on what i missed?#it's great#who knew life could be like this#my post
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As someone who used to be super into the marvel fandom and especially the fanfics and is also a gaymer I actually really like midnight suns I was not expecting so many memes and the character storylines to be so interesting also I love that you get your own little self insert able to play video games with the gang and then fighting against suped up villains/(friends?) is a lot of fun
#marvel#midnight suns#I love the side storylines#like blade starting a book club to try and chat up cpt marvel and then actually having to start a book club#the emo kids meetings#Illyana is my favorite I never knew who she was till this game#Robbie is so sweet I love him and I’m happy he was able to make friends with Peter and they open up a workshop and invite you#Charlie and ebony are perfect#also you get 3 moms#the fact that nico and illyana get to speak up about the double standard of Bruce and Wanda#LITERALLY THEYRE SO RIGHT#this game is just a lot more fun than I was expecting but don’t get me wrong it gets buggy sometimes#glad I got it on sale#I just want wolverine on my team damnit I’ve been playing for days trying to recruit him#I also love that blade is ready to stick up for anyone that he thinks is being left out#I love that they actually talk about how everyone’s a little fucked up from all the things they have to deal with
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/3.11.24
#it’s incredible how i feel tired just by the thought of swiping peoples profiles on a friend/meet app#like I really have to force myself#I forced myself to say to a girl I saw in july if she wanted to meet and she couldn’t back then and now I’m like okay I tried it I’m#I whine to myself I’m lonely yet looking for people is not a thing I fancy#I am convinced the people who would matter wouldn’t be found like this anyway#but chances of meeting people are 0#still clinging on to this person I met at the only friends of friend group thing which is almost sci -fi for me#despite I probably shouldn’t#and on top ov everything I always mess everything up because I can’t communicate well what I feel or actually I don’t really know that anywa#colleague added to me to a chat group pf expats here it doesn’t look exciting but I imagined that#I should see a high school mate after xmas#i am genuinely glad about it#although I am kinda thinking I should probably pretend it’s all fine#last time was..2020 which feels like yesterday but is 4 years ago#Jesus cjrist#maybe I should still reply to that girl who gave me depression but her and the sister were quite into me#asked like in may if i wanted to hang out and do creative stuff (3rd time#and I had told myself after the second time which was also major depression time and winter#blues#that I was done with it although always pretending it was fun#but god I was getting depression from them#would take pics of us where I think I never forced a smile more than that time#and my policy is just b clear and polite#but I swear I don’t have energies to just text and say sorry we don’t match
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not to out myself as a tiktok user (as if i haven’t posted mine here before) but why does tiktok require 1,000 followers to go live. on a “social media” app. i don’t want to be an influencer i just want to put the camera on while editing my poetry and yap with all of the five friends that make up my 90 followers like what’s the point. i know tiktok doesn’t understand what social media is supposed to be but. come on.
#does this mean i have to start being creative. all i know how to post about is crawlers and poetry :/#and i’m scared to legit outright post my poetry again after the counseling center call which wasn’t even a year ago 😭#i mean instagram’s an option but i’m hardly fond at that app anymore either. not that i’m any more attached to tiktok tbh#and like that’s mostly just for your followers. i wanna meet and chat with new people too :(#and before you say do an actual streaming platform: well you see i can’t.#i don’t have a proper ahem ‘streaming setup’ for games because all i have is my switch#nor can i do art streams because i do it on my phone. so like what’s the point#so like. i don’t want to do professional streaming i just wanna prop my phone up against a bag of goldfish#and chitchat while i write because i think it’s fun :(#grace being stupid#text post#personal
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I know I just got this shiny new degree and made a career change, but... hear me out... what if I went into academic advising...
#//juri speaks#this is mostly silly spitballing but fel and i were talking in the car and like#what i liked about retail and what i like most about librarianing is helping people#and i have had One Person Ever tell me that i can do what i want for me#and dont have to shoot for the administration/management/phd stars if i dont want to#and if i was an advisor i could be that same ''its alright to not want these things'' voice#much to think; much to consider#i actually have an old friend who is an advisor at our alma mater... might try to meet up with him & chat at some point#for now however... librarianship & taking fun undergrad classes for me
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um yall… sam’s roommate pulled up to coffee like. um. dressed like this. btw. and their hair is just like. a better fluffier mullet. is this surprising
#just wanna express what i’m dealing with btw because the hair thing sort of hit me like a truck earlier and then i was like#well girl wait… literally… come on lmao… also we both wore sweatervests hashtag twinem#it’s so chill though coffee was really fun#we ended up hanging for like two hours and then i was like fuckkkkk g2g to class and they walked w me partway there#and then almost dapped me up gave me a hug at the worst possible intersection there were so many people walking fuck the construction fr#but like. yeah it was chill im glad i reached out even tho like idk things r... ok.. w sam but we’re certainly not like 🤞#and i think they just had a semi recent breakup and drama and im like. um. largely unwell#and need 2 just get through this semester so i rlly forced myself to chill and go in with no expectations and it was just :-)#i was charmed by how passionate he was talking abt the weather and stuff like within minutes of meeting#i was listening to a very excited spiel about el nino and the tornadoes in wisconsin and etc oh and they came up w an ocean fact for me#and also ugh they played piano for so long growing up and can still like. do it. fucckcjkkk. and demonstrated#this rlly odd chord. um. like stretching and flexing their hand. srrryy lol i’m just giggling#lol and i mentioned my hair journey at one point and they were like ‘yeah? tell me about it’ shut UP… oh and also#knew exactly the stairwell i was talking abt when i described my favorite and we managed to chat abt that ugh it was so dorky#like. aw wow this person is just really cool#i also think they’re stupid hot but like idk since we actually um communicated and etc it's taken out a lot of the#tendency i had/have to be like 'sigh what if -' and er mythologize ppl. i suppose could be said. like aw we're just yapping and we're loyal#story likers now and if they ever want to just like make out sometime that’s so chill but regardless like we ball 💪#yayyyyyayyyyy me when i can be normal about things!!!!! 🫶🙈#abby talks
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Finally posting these
This concert was SO GOOD
#it’s up there as one of the best I’ve been to#so fun#Pollyanna Did in fact remember me from their last concert here#told them if they ever need someone to do art for something I’d be up for it#they were interested so maybe#they like my drawings I’ve done of them#Pinkshift didn’t remember but like obviously pollyanna would we were some of the only people at their last one#Pinkshift I think sold out last time. pollyanna had like ten people and I think we may have been the only people there that came to this#lol#love them#Jhariah was really good too#a lot of people came just for him#had cool hand made merch he was on vocal rest when he wasn’t on stage#I like going to small shows at small venues cause you get to meet and chat with the artists after#we were the last people to leave lol#omg they completely redid the room! this was in purgatory at the masquerade I’ve been there like five times and it was completely different#new bathrooms a whole platform was gone new merch area no baracade#weird#Pinkshift#pollyanna#Jhariah#eat your friends tour#concert#photography#music
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just a quick lil rant before i head to bed
#somethin that’s really bothered me these last few days#i have one irl person that i consider my friend and i hang out with her. but if i wasn’t the one suggesting we go out and do stuff#i don’t think she’d bother with me at all#which. we have fun together. at least i do.#but thinking about this whole year. everything we’ve done has been my suggestion#and it’s not like we’ve hung out every single weekend. she’s had plenty of opportunities to invite me to stuff#but she will blatantly do stuff with her other group of friends then tell me about it#like she mentioned she went and saw the eras movie and was excitedly telling me all about it.#and damn. that’s an experience i would have loved to have.#and she KNOWS i love taylor it’s not like she thought i wouldn’t like going.#she also has openly discussed with her other friend (who is a swiftie) about getting tickets for taylor. right in front of me. ngl it just!?#hurt not to be included i guess!? i mean this isn’t the first time i’ve had a friend openly go to an artist i love with someone who’s not me#idk am i just being stupid and selfish!?#but like. during the summer (a month i was really struggling) i kept on seeing if we could meet up and talk and catch up#before this get together at the end of the month with a few people. and that never turned out she kept on saying she was busy#understandable. but the day of the get together i was chatting with her friend and she mentioned how she and her had hung out like 30 times#that month.#and like i went bowling with said friend last week (it was my suggestion) and we were hanging out and i mentioned how now that our schedules#have opened up id love to get together more - even if she was getting groceries and wanted someone to come along. and she said that yeah#that this week would be good to hang out. and i told her to just contact me. but i highly highly doubt she will text me.#so should i just take the hint and drop her!?#and i live a little farther away but i’m always the one driving to her. idk if that makes a difference but like#idk it’s just the feeling of being expendable and someone’s second choice and never their first#which is a feeling i’ve grown up with so i’m not a stranger to it#but i’ve actually lost sleep over it this last little bit wondering like what it is about me that repels people that makes them not care#like i’ve had girls i’ve loved with my whole fucking heart and would lay down my life for them and i didn’t even make their top 5.#so let’s just say this is an issue that has been hurting me for a while#idk like i’m not trying to sound emo but this kind of hurt and loneliness is just something i have to resign myself to#and face the reality that i’m not as important to people as they are to me sometimes.
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