#AND SHE'S NOT EVEN USING THE TERMS RIGHT! IF YOURE GOING TO BE INSENSITIVE TO A REAL MAN'S PASSING AT LEAST BE ACCURATE!!!

[comradecowplant]

At some point when I wasn't looking did "death note" become a synonym for written words that just happen to relate to someone's passing or are youtubers getting stupider?

[daylite-writes]

“A healers Blunt Teeth” (Pt 2) ft. Capitano x Healer!Reader

(Pt 1 here)

He did take you back to Snezhnaya with him, leaving you alone in a manor. The discomfort you feel at not having received a single letter since he departed was surely not from you loving him or anything. Surely.

cws: very mild yandere, mild cultural insensitivity (on behalf of staff), and misunderstandings.

1.6k words

~~~

You didn’t expect the… luxury.

You suppose you should have.

He was a harbinger after all. When he stepped foot in Snezhnaya—you under his arm, of course—you didn’t get the best first impression. Cold, snowy forests of pine with the ridges of icy mountains lining the horizon. But the deeper you ventured into his home, the more his influence became apparent.

Entire villages greeted the expedition with deep bows and offerings of food and housing. You slept in beds made for the cold, among rabbit fur and goose down.

He never batted an eye, but that wasn’t unusual. Be it dry dirt or luxurious bedspreads, Capitano was content.

You expected him to continue onwards with you, towards the Tsaritsa’s palace, the expedition's final destination you’d heard mentioned a thousand times in his meetings.

Evidently, you were wrong about that part, being as you were lounging in the bay window Capitano’s manor, alone except for a staff of loyalists.

As your… Partner? ‘Boyfriend’ maybe—no, that was far too juvenile. Not master either, he hated that term, and it no longer adequately described the complex relations between you two.

Being Capitano’s someone-of-significance had him deciding to dump you into a remote manor somewhere in Snezhnaya, leaving with a quick kiss and a promise to return home after his meeting with the Tsaritsa.

He dragged you all the way to Snezhnaya, and didn’t even let you go with him to the palace.

Angrily—and yes, it was anger. Not loneliness or longing or any other emotion the young maids would describe it as, accented by dreamy sighs as they theorized about you and his’ beautiful courtship—you tore the page of sheet music from the book propped in front of you.

Music was too hard and it made your fingers hurt.

You’d spent the better parts of two weeks in the manor, and it was boring. You were out of your depths, the maids knowing more about noble and elite life than you ever imagined anyone could know.

One of the maids said it herself not long after your arrival. “You’re nothing like what I imagined Capitano’s fiancé would be. Of course, none of us really know his preferences. But if not a warrior, I’d thought you may have been a noblewoman, knowledgeable about music or literature, or perhaps cooking. I once served a noblewoman who made very exquisite cuisine.”

“We’re not engaged.” You’d said, a bit breathless as she tightened the corset.

The other maids who’d been fluttering about shushed her a bit too aggressively for you to consider it noble.

You’d ignored them, until one of the shier ones spoke up. “If I may ask, my lady… how did you two meet?”

“I was a healer in Natlan working for a group of bandits. He won me by right of combat, and eventually we began… well.” You waved your hand, summing up the obvious physical and emotional relations with proper censorship but no denial. “I’m not quite sure what to call the two of us.”

The maids were stunned, and you remembered that such things as that weren’t normal in other nations. You opened your mouth, hoping to amend their opinions of you, but one of them spoke first—

“Oh so he saved you! How romantic!”

The session devolved into a series of awws. They giggled and tousled your hair as they fixed it up, rambling aloud about the romantic scenario.

It took everything in you to not take it personally. To remember that these were the daughters of affluent families who could not afford to marry off another daughters, but could land them a cushy spot working under a harbinger in a non-combatant role. Who probably spent their youths reading fairy tales instead of fighting or healing the way you had.

You rolled your eyes, letting the girls have their fun. These young women were your only friends in this new place after all. There was little point to complain.

~~~

It was clear Capitano would be coming home soon.

There was a certain buzz among the staff. Tasks that were once laxly carried out only when there was time for it were now being performed rigorously and thoroughly. Floors once mopped were now being scrubbed by servants on their hands and knees. Libraries lightly dusted once or twice a week were practically being done by the hour.

There was a buzz among your hand maids as well. They became very, very particular about your appearance. Every day your hair was to be done up in what you can only assume are traditional northern styles. The soft comfortable outfits you’d taken preference to gently batted aside and replaced with expensive tailored dresses, with beaded bodices and tulle that reached partway down your legs.

Refusing such things also made your hand maids very nervous. A lot of ‘are you sure’-s and ‘but my lady!’-s.

From this, you quickly figured out that he’d be back any day now.

So, when you spotted a horse drawn carriage trotting up the path to your manor from a window, you knew what expectations they had.

Greet him at the door, preferably warmly, probably with a kiss, and then follow him around like a lost puppy.

You rolled your eyes before going back to failing to play the violin.

“Um, miss?” One of your handmaids said softly. “Your… Lord Harbinger Capitano seems to be arriving.”

“Mm.” The violin screeched at you as you clumsily played it.

“I… alright. Miss.”

It wasn’t that you hated Capitano. Or that you didn’t want to see him. You were a bird in a golden cage, yes, but Capitano never bothered to close the door, and you never bothered flying out. It was just—

He didn’t even write to you.

The violin made quite an annoying sound as you pressed a bit too hard on the bow, its wavering screech the perfect sound to accompany the grind of your teeth.

Sure, he was undoubtedly busy, but that didn’t erase the embarrassment you’d experience every time you had to ask if any mail for you—any letters from him—came through, only to be told not so much as a word had come from his lord. Didn’t erase the feeling of being some discarded housewife while your lover galivants around the country without you—

The violin had picked up a sharp, angry tune as you played the song through all your little mistakes, not stopping even as you played incorrect notes or lost your place, you could hardly hear it through the rant in your head.

“I see you’ve picked up the violin.” Him.

Immediately, your song stopped. You hadn’t realized he’d entered, hadn’t realized you missed his voice.

“L-Lord Harbinger!” You maid squeaked, bowing. Capitano must have made some motion to her, as she left the room quickly after.

He stayed silent for a moment, and you stayed turned towards the window. “… why are you upset with me?”

“I’m not.”

“Why are you upset with me.” He repeated again, and you suddenly noticed how much closer he was to you. You didn’t hear the footsteps as he loomed over your shoulder.

“I…”

“Has the accommodations been insufficient? Was the staff unpleasant? I’ll have them dead in an instant if they were who upset you against me.” His hand, gloved, tilted your head back by the chin so you had to look up at him. Into the dark maw of his uniform.

“No Captain…”

“Then why? Why have you refused me the right to be greeted home by my woman? The right to see you as I’ve longed to? There must be something wrong, considering you haven't so much as responded to a single letter-”

“You wrote me?” You said all too quickly when you heard the words come from the man over you. Distantly, you chastised yourself for the almost desperate way you asked it. Like a woman starved for water.

He stilled, putting together the pieces easily. “Ah, so that’s what it is. Yes, I wrote to you many times, my healer.”

“I didn’t receive any.”

The hand that was lifting your face up shifted to the side, idly messing with a lock of your hair before cradling the crux of where your jaw met your neck. “I am realizing that now.”

“I thought you didn’t want to talk to me.”

“I did, greatly.”

You paused a moment, the small sparks of spite that once had you melted away partially, leaving you feeling a bit silly. “I…”

“Don’t apologize. This is someone else’s fault, I’ll deal with them later.” He said, moving around you to your front, and kneeling down before you.

The hand cradling your pulse slipped to the back of your neck, lightly pulling you into him. You kissed him through the gaping maw of his mask. It was rough, as though it was the single thing he’d been wanting for weeks. His hand tightened, pulling your hair by the roots to expose your neck. You gasped when you felt his lips on your jaw, traveling down to your throat.

It was a while before he pulled back, satisfied at the aggravated red skin his attention left. Most likely so that the staff could see it and know.

You stared at him, chest rising and falling quickly, but not scared. He seemed happy, or perhaps, at peace, as he stared back.

A polite, quiet knock on the door finally brought his gaze away from you. He spoke, loud and clear, “Yes?”

“Dinner is set for you the Lord and his Lady.”

He rose, standing to his full height before extending a hand to you. “You’ll be joining me I hope?”

“… yes, my lord.” You took it.

~~~~~

The og is pretty far back and i am grappling with the fact i probably should make a masterlist (i dont wannaaa) but i hope ya'll enjoy this <3

[utilitycaster]

Can I get your opinion, since you seem to be a pretty straight shooter ?

Do you think that Orym is lying to himself when he says he doesn’t want the sword for revenge or isn’t motivated by revenge? In the same way that Laudna was lying to herself and the others about why she wanted the sword?

I’ve seen a lot of ~discourse~ over whether or not orym is being truthful here and tbh I don’t know what to make of it.

My short answer: I suppose it's possible revenge might be among the many factors motivating him, but I don't believe it's his primary motivator.

My real answer? Who fucking cares.

There has been a pretty consistent pattern in which a lot of people who defend Laudna (and Imogen, for that matter) are so laser-focused on their motivations that they utterly ignore the actual consequences of their actions. Because that's the thing, right? You can make speculative claims about motivations; there is no true way to prove that Orym has absolutely no vengeful bones in his body since there's a myriad of reasons to go after the Vanguard and its leadership of which revenge absolutely is one. But you can't deny actions without someone inconveniently pointing out the truth that the action was, in fact, performed by a particular character. So it's a popular focus for people who don't actually have any evidence of their points.

Intent and motivation is, obviously, useful in understanding what a character might do. It's useful in understanding whether they could perhaps be swayed one way or another (eg: Liliana's intentions are in fact of vital importance for that reason, because if they understand what drives her, they might be able to change her path). But it's useless in judging harm done to other people. If someone kills a pedestrian in a crosswalk because they fell asleep driving because they'd stayed up all night for a charitable cause, or if they kill them because they were drunk driving, someone's still dead because of their actions. (For that matter, and I said this in an earlier post, the pedestrian is also equally dead if the driver were drunk driving because they are a well-intentioned alcoholic who fell off the wagon vs. an asshole who doesn't think the rules apply to them.) I don't blame the victim's family for hating the driver in any of the scenarios, even though I think that the some of the above drivers are far more likely to be people who will attempt to rehabilitate themselves and for whom I as a person more removed from the situation may have more pity.

Ultimately, how others see a character in-world is going to be a measure of their actions. So, for example, it does not actually matter if Imogen floats allying with the Vanguard because she wants to connect with her deadbeat mom; Orym is still justified in being hurt and offended because she said something insensitive in front of him. It's better that Imogen is doing this out of an idealized desire rather than malice; I think far better of her as a character and believe there is room for growth; but that doesn't change what she did and that it was, in fact, insensitive. It speaks well to her that Laudna's pressure point is "this sword could hurt your friend" and not "hey what if you could have a sick evil sword of your own", but she did still attack her friend in the middle of the night even with good intentions.

If Orym wants to kill Ludinus out of vengeance for the deaths of his family or if he wants to do so because Ludinus has done immeasurable harm already and very well might destroy the world (and I certainly do believe Orym is motivated by the latter, even if the former plays a role), Ludinus still ends up dead. Sure, if he's motivated only by revenge it might change how you interact with him, the way how Bells Hells treat Keyleth quite differently than they do Ira, but in terms of analyzing whether any specific action was helpful or harmful? Utterly fucking irrelevant.

Anyone making the argument that Orym might not have the purest motives either, as a means to defend Laudna, is either too dumb to even find the correct questions to ask or deliberately throwing up a smoke screen, and as this post indicates, doesn't fucking matter if they're stupid or malicious - they're a waste of your time. Don't even bother.

[crunchietoast]

ᶜᵒᵒᵏⁱᵉˢ & ᶜᵒʷᵇᵒʸˢ| ʲ.ᵐ

Pairings: pre-outbreak Joel Miller x fem!reader

Word Count: 2883 (✨Including Bonus Scene✨)

Summary: You loved days like this. Days sitting on his couch in the dark living room of your neighbour’s house. Yes, that's right, you were spending your Saturday afternoons on your neighbour’s couch on a rainy day. But the term neighbour might be a little insensitive after all he was more than any other neighbour you have ever had.

Warnings: implied NSFW, cheesy cowboy books, Tommy being a little shit, eating; cookies and popcorn, mentions of shirtless Joel, swearing, FlirtyJoel™️, use of Y/N unfortunately, low-key cowboy kink, most likely writing errors leave meh alone :') (lemme know if there are any more <3)

You loved days like this. Days sitting on the couch in the dark living room of your neighbour’s house. Yes, that's right, you were spending your Saturday afternoons on your neighbour’s couch on a rainy day. But the term neighbour might be a little insensitive after all he was more than any other neighbour you have ever had.

Since you moved in next door, you and Joel have become very close and spend a lot of time together. You hate to be cliché, but you have grown especially fond of him, more than neighbours should, or even more the friends should. Yep, that's right you had a huge fat crush on the boy next door. But the boy next door wasn't actually a boy, in fact he was a man, a very single man that just so happened to be a loving father, and as you have recently found out, someone very cozy to share a blanket with.

You and Joel’s friendship was interesting to say the least. You two were flirty, very flirty, but you both knew the line and tiptoed on the edge; never dare crossing it. Being close with Joel was just easy, you knew what one another needed.

For example, crying at his front door, face smothered in his shoulder after a hard day. You knew he’d be there. No questions asked but the silence was loud enough. Comforting in a way.

He has made it very clear you were welcome over any time but Sarah on the other hand, uses a tactic you like to call broad-line trickery. You really couldn't say no to her puppy dog eyes when she begged you to stay over for movie night.

“C'mon Y/N! Dad doesn't cook the popcorn like you do!” she pleaded, knowing full well you and Joel made the popcorn the exact same way.

“Well if you insist,” you playfully rolled your eyes and making eye contact with Joel, acting as if it were a chore to be around the adorable curly hair girl and her absolute DILF of a dad.

Joel scoffed and rolled his eyes back as he chucked Sarah’s bedding on the couch that she insisted on having to make a blanket fort with.

“Only if you're Dad says it okay though.” You say again with a smile on your face. Sarah exclaimed in joy.

“Okay with it? Pft! Dad would make you move in if you'd let him” Sarah made sly eyes at Joel as his eyes widened before he threw a pillow at his daughter.

“Okay, that's enough! If you want Y/N to stay you better go get more blankets and pillow, hurry up or the pizzas gonna come and you’re not gonna get any…” Joel teased as he picked up the home phone from the coffee table. Sarah ran upstairs with loud thumps you and Joel chuckled quietly.

“Move in huh?” You battered your eyes.

“You shush girl, or no pizza for you either” he narrows his eyes at you.

So yes, you loved sitting on his couch on a cold rainy day more than anything. You two didn't even need to talk really, simply sitting on the couch with your legs laid on top of his lap as you read a book, his thumb gently rubbing your ankle where your sweatpants and socks don't exactly meet as he watches whatever is on the tv on a quiet volume.

Some would think you’re a couple, which in all honestly would make sense, but nope. Neither of you says anything for fear of ruining the comfortable abode you’ve made yourself. So, sitting here will have to do for now.

“When is Sarah gonna be back?” You asked glancing up from your cheesy cowboy novel.

“Why? My company not enough?” he pretended to be offended and you giggled and shook your head as your eyes rolled, “she’s gettin’ dropped off at Tommy’s tonight, she wanted to have a slumber party with her uncle apparently. Gon’ get him to tell her all bout’ his date on Tuesday” he deadpanned. You chuckled slightly at the thought of Tommy and Sarah having a ‘slumber party’, you can imagine it now, Sarah braiding his hair as he rants and swoons about the pretty girl he just went on a date with. “He better keep it PG, don’t want Sarah coming home tellin’ me all about how Uncle Tommy just got laid” he said, which only made you laugh louder, head thrown back against the arm rest of the couch.

“Now that would be hilarious” you said as you stood up from the couch, throwing the fluffy blanket and book onto the couch next to Joel as you walked to the kitchen.

“Yeah,” you heard him scoff from the living room as you got a bag of popcorn out of the cabinet. “For you. I’ll be the one that has to give Sarah the talk unless you wanna give it a go Darlin'” He laughed loudly at the thought.

“I’ll leave it to you, thanks” you say sheepishly as you pressed the buttons on the microwave, then grabbing a cookie from the jar above the microwave, which are surprisingly still here. Joel and Tommy love the cookies that you and Sarah make, they never usually last a week.

A few seconds past with nothing but the sound of the popcorn popping, the TV on low volume and the heavy rain hitting the windows and roof outside. It was peaceful.

“His hands were rough, just like she imagined. Real hard-working hands must be from all horse riding and heavy lifting he’s been doing she thought to herself. Those same hands now moved down her body slowly,” You heard Joel say from the living room.

‘What in the world is he on abo-’

Your book. He’s reading your book.

“What’s a pretty lady like you doing not getting touched the way she shoul-” he continued.

“JOEL NO! PUT IT DOW-” you ran into the living room diving onto the couch scrambling to get the book from his grasp. His laughter boomed loudly as he held the book out of her reach.

“Is this what you've been readin’ all this time sweetheart? Paper porn?” Joel laughs loudly as you’re still trying to reach the book, climbing all over him in the hopes of getting it back.

“Joel! give it back, it’s not what it looks like!” you said smacking his chest with a bright red face.

“Oh baby, I think it’s exactly what it looks like, see the page was even dog eared,” his laugh only getting louder as you straddle his lap, pulling at his arm that’s in the air with the book.

“No fair Joel, give it back!” you whine as he laughs slow down.

“Alright Alright girl, calm down,” his hand comes up to grab at your wrist that’s trying to get the book. You glare at him crossing your arms with your hand, that Joel was holding, out waiting the return of your precious book. “Oh, don’t look at me like that, here’s ya porn-” you jab the side of his ribs “OW! - okay okay here’s your…literature” he said finally handing the book to you as you snatch it out of his grasp, holding it tightly against you, the glare remaining.

“Cowboys really do it for you?” Joel askes curiously.

“Shut up, didn’t your Momma ever teach you not to touch what isn't yours? Or did you just not listen, hm?” You said pulling his ear gently to add emphasise to your words. Joel grabbed at your wrist again.

“Oh no Darlin, don’t worry I listen real well.” he said smirking as your face burned.

“Dick.” you scoffed, slapping his shoulder with the book before getting off of Joel, trying to ignore the fact you realised you were sitting on him a few seconds ago. Joel just laughed.

“Yeah Yeah, now would you be an angel go get the popcorn for your handsome rugged cowboy?” Joel said reaching for the TV remote nonchalantly.

“Ughh, I hate you” you whine throwing a pillow at his head as you walk back to the kitchen placing the book on the counter, away from Joel, and emptied the popcorn from the microwave into a bowl.

“Where's the book?” Joel asked as you sat back down on the couch, your legs bent with your cold feet under his thigh in hopes of some warmth, bowl of buttery popcorn in hand.

“I’m going to burn it.” You say dead serious as you tug the blanket back over you, Joel shuffling under as well, munching on handful of popcorn.

“What?!” He groaned “I was really getting into it” He continued, smirking as you glared at him again.

“I’ll buy you one for your birthday.” you say still serious as you smack his arm coming to pinch at your chin affectionately.

“Na, why would you do that when we can just read it together, huh? Go on off you go, get the book” he said throwing his arm on the backrest of the couch and shooing you away with his other hand.

Bright red covers you from you neck to the tip of your ears at the thought of reading a dirty book with Joel. With him.

“Absolutely not. There is no way in hell I’m reading that book near you ever again, let alone with you!” You said throwing a piece of popcorn at him. Joel laughs.

“Don't let me ruin it for you, I’m sure you were really into it. Up to the best part of it as well” Joel replies, chuckling as you shove your face into the pillow you grabbed from behind you, groaning loudly.

“You’re such an idiot, I’m never making cookies for you again!” you threaten as your face is still shoved in the pillow.

Joel grabbed behind you knees and pulled you closer to him, so your legs laid over his lap completely, you squealed into the pillow. He put his hands on your waist where your his hoodie had rod up and started to tickle, your head shot out from the pillow and screeched bloody murder as you tried to wiggle from his gasp.

“Don’t be so mean to your cowboy, he loves eating his girls’ cookies!” he said as he continued the assault.

“Joel stop!” you squealed again between words as he just kept pulling you closer every time you managed to crawl away. “Let me go!!” you're screams began mixing with uncontrollable laughter.

“Na-uh girly, you’re not going anywhere. I will not hesitate to lasso you up!” Joel kept the cowboy joke going because he loved the reaction it got out of you. And this, for one was definitely a reaction.

You laughed harder, the joke now becoming more funny than embarrassing. Still embarrassing of course but funny too now.

“Pl-please! I-I can’t!” you screamed as tears welled at the corner of your eyes from the laughter. Joel was laughing loudly as well, showing dimple on his right cheek that you loved so much.

His fingers finally stopped moving and your laughing slowed down, you opened your eyes to Joel’s shit eating grin pasted all over his face. He was sitting on his heels now, facing you, between your thighs as your legs were over his thighs and down by his sides. His hands on the couch, either side of your hips to hold himself up.

You’re smile hurt your cheeks and the tears from laughter rolled down the side of your face. Joel was quick to wipe them away with his thumb.

“Fine I’ll make more cookies.” you say quietly, like a whisper for only him to hear.

“Promise?” Joel whispered back as his smile went gentle.

“Promise.”

The words felt like they had more meaning than they lead on. Like it wasn’t about cookies, or cowboys. Like you were promising something more than his favourite home baked goods. And it felt okay. You didn't know what it was at the moment but whatever it was, it felt okay.

“Good.” Joel concluded. “Can’t live without em’” he said as his thumb gently touched your waist again.

“Me either” you giggled.

This definitely wasn't about cookies or cowboys.

✨Bonus scene✨

WC: 846

“Yes, the bear with the blue ribbon, I got it! Just stay in the car, won’t be long girly!” Tommy called out to the car as he walked into the kitchen from the back door.

“Hi Tommy, whacha doin?” you asked him as you stood at the stove pulling out another tray of cookies, as Joel ate the rest.

“Hiya sweets, just picking up a few things for Sarah she forgot. Apparently, she can’t live without em’ for even a day,” he said as he looked around the kitchen “where is Joel at?”

“Oh, he’s in the shower, shouldn't be too long” you said as you took the oven mites off your hands, chucking them on the bench next to the stove.

“You guys been behaving?” Tommy smirked as he wiggled his eyebrows at you. You rolled your eyes at him and ignored the blush on your cheeks.

“We always do” you smiled at him with a warning eye, that if he were to ask again you would hit him with a wooden spoon. He got the idea.

“Hey Darlin’ do you have my shir-” Joel said as walked into the kitchen as soon as he saw Tommy he huffed and leaned against the counter.

Oh, you forgot to mention, shirtless as well. Since you were indeed wearing his shirt. Why you ask? Don’t.

“What are you doing here?” Joel asked Tommy bluntly.

“Hello to you too brother,” Tommy said smiling slyly at the sight of you wearing said shirt, Joel not wearing said shirt and…wait what’s that, a book on the counter? “Just picking up some stuff for Sarah, the girl really needs a bear with a blue ribbon apparently”.

“Armchair in the Living room on the right” you said as you walked into the laundry room near the kitchen, grabbing Joel a new shirt.

“Thanks” Tommy said as he walks closer to the counter with the book. Joel is so distracted to by the cookies that just came out of the oven, attempting to make it look like he’s not drooling as he stood near the stove top with the tray on top, that he doesn’t even notice Tommy looking at the book.

“’Save a horse, Ride a cowboy’?” Tommy read the cheesy book cover out loud as he picked it up.

You rushed back into the kitchen throwing the new shirt at Joel’s face as he wiped around from the stove top to get to Tommy as well.

“NO!” You both said in unison. Somehow Joel got there first and snatched the book out of his brothers’ hands. Tommy was extremely confused, it took a bit for the book title and the reaction of you both to process, but when it did, and he knew what the book was most likely about a huge smirk smeared disgustingly over his face.

“A cowboy book?” Tommy said as Joel and your faces went red. Joel fiddling with the cover of the pages.

“It’s Joel’s!” you said quickly. Joels eyes instantly went wide as he panned his head towards you. His grip on the book tightens. Tommy looked between the both of you.

“No, it’s not! Y/N, its hers she loves cowboys!!” Joel shouted whipping his head to Tommy as if he was a kid caught stealing candy. He swung his head back over to you with eyebrows furrowed and jaw swingling open. “How DARE you.” He emphasized the word dare.

“Joel it’s okay, your allowed to like what you like. Nothing to be ashamed off.” You smirked at him as you (fake) empathetically patted his shoulder. See how he likes it.

“Okayyyy…. Well, I’ll leave you to cookie making” he pointed to you, “And I’ll leave you, dear brother, to cowboy readin’” tommy said patting the shoulder of Joel. You kept in the snort of laughter as Joel once again snapped his head to his brother, glaring firmly at the younger man. Tommy nods at the both of you and walked backwards to the Livingroom to finally get the bear Sarah wanted.

“You little shit.” Joel said looking over to your sheepish smile. His eye twitched as you shrugged your shoulder and giggled guiltily.

“What? You did say you loved the book…” you said, still smiling, as you picked up the shirt you threw at Joel in the struggle and dusted it off before handing it to him with both hands.

Joel snatched the shirt and tossed the book back onto the counter, aggressively pulled the shirt over his head.

“Tommy, did you find the bear?” Joel asked keeping his glare on you.

“Uh… Yep! found it right he-” Tommy said from the Livingroom.

“Great. Get out.” Joel said firmly. Tommy got the hint and began pacing for the backdoor again.

“No! Tommy please don’t leave, here have a cooki-”

“Bye Y/N!! Goodluck!” He said as the door closed behind him. Your eyes went back to Joel’s which had yet to stop staring. Joel waited until he hears Tommy’s truck drive away.

‘Those cookies better be the best damn things I’ve ever eaten. Or you’re screwed.”

[longing-for-rain]

Just so you know, some of your anons are coming from a blog called @mal3vol3nt

I do not know if you’re aware, but she’s chronically obsessed with you and has also been sharing your ao3 on Twitter and inciting harassment there too, saying you’re “racist” and a “degenerate” and accusing you of writing underage. Her blog lately is mainly posts about you and it sounds very similar to some of your anons

I had to check this out for myself and...wow. All I can say is just...wow 🤣

No, I actually had no idea who this person was but from the looks of it she's been obsessed with me for months? I guess that explains the anons, I knew these people were mad, but apparently they've been over here steaming over my takes and are legitimately terrified of me. And I didn't even know them! Didn't realize I've been doing numbers on Twitter (or X whatever it is now) despite never having an account.

(The rest is below; please don't click if you do not wish to see insensitive discussions of rape or if you are not in the mood to read opinions so malformed they will melt your brain)

I guess I have another angry little troll who doesn't know what a captial letter is obsessed with me. Wish I could say it was the first time, but alas. A lot of particularly funny things here though.

> Advertising your terrible ragebait Twitter like anyone finds you important

Lmao.

> "write fanfiction of katara being raped so zuko can save her"

What a terrible misread of the point of that story, but then again, I don't expect much else from a terminally online crybaby who exclusively consumes media for children. If you can't handle adult discussions about adult topics, maybe don't read stories that are clearly marked 18+ and with far more extensive trigger warnings than any mainstream media will give you.

> "measuring the size of her breasts and hips"

Lmao. I said she is drawn differently in different scenes. That's it. You guys are another level of unhinged.

> "obviously fetishes and racism"

It's kind of creepy how they sexualize Zutara, while simultaneously accusing us of doing that. Why do you assume a fetish is the only reason behind someone liking a ship? Why would you say this about a group of people including many black, brown, and indigenous women? And minors? And if you want to get into the whole fetish thing, don't even get me started on the shit I've seen from the kataang fandom. Hint: when I say some of you have a "mommy fetish" I mean it in a very literal sense. Not to mention the whole kataang rape discord debacle.

> "sick fantasies about these minor characters"

I have never depicted a minor in a sexual situation. I make a point to explicitly avoid doing that, and all characters are depicted as adults. Your lack of media literacy isn't an argument. If you're going to criticize my writing, at least read it, which you clearly didn't. And if the content is too upsetting for you, you clearly lack the maturity to engage in these kinds of discussions.

Imagine treating ship discourse this seriously, actually unhinged. Who said that Ember Island Players is the real Katara? What? She talks a big number about coke-fueled rants, must have given it a try herself. How do you expect to be taken seriously when you never say anything of substance and screech "racism" or "colonizer" every other word but can't even articulate the significance of those terms? Honestly, at this point you sound like a right-winger who thinks saying "but I'm [identity] and I agree with [opinion]" is a golden ticket to winning every argument.

And look at this: apparently I deserved all the things she and her friends sent me? Actually I respect this take, at least she's honest about it unlike the people who cry and backpeddle when they get caught red-handed.

I'm actually cackling at this one. Genuinely laughing; my neighbors are probably concerned. It's like you took every single Bad Person Allegation and threw it into a blender. And to top it all off, apparently 24 is "pushing 30" now LMAO. And apparently I, a lesbian, could only possibly like Zutara because I think Zuko is hot. Not to mention the way they entirely miss the point of Zutara, but ATLA itself, by insisting that Zuko is a "violent imperialist" who is apparently unworthy of love by anyone who does not share his skin tone. Kind of ironic coming from the people crying that I'm a racist who doesn't understand the show. Next level clownery.

This is so funny. These people are absolutely terrified of me, no amount of unhinged anons will hide that. It's fine for men to tell me I deserve rape and death, that I'm a dirty pervert for daring to speak out about sexual trauma, and that women's sexual trauma is nothing but a fetish, but if I respond to that man telling him he should die for being so disrespectful and misogynistic to rape victims, I'm the monster? I stand by it. If you think what he said about rape and rape victims is acceptable, especially if you're a man, die! Hang from ropes, as I said.🥰

I guess I should be really scared though. This is clearly a very influential figure in the fandom who is renowned for her enlightened wisdom on the plight of fictional cartoon characters against evil imperialists like me (adult with job).

...oh wait. I was excited for a minute, I thought I was dealing with a celebrity. But even the "callouts" struggle to hit 20 notes :/

And to everyone sending me positivity during this time, thank you very much! But I wanted to show you this to assure you I'm doing just fine. People can act as weird as they want behind a gray face, but after seeing the kinds of whiny little brats they are in reality, it's pretty hard to take it seriously. "I got my plane ticket" my ass, that would require you to leave your decaying, trash-filled apartment.

[anewstartrekfan]

Explaining/rationalizing Bones’ speech in Requiem of Methuselah

A lot of people call what Bones said about Spock never knowing love because it isn’t in his book, uncalled for and straight up inaccurate to the show. And to that I say it’s intentional. Bones in that scene is pissed at Spock for being insensitive when Rayna died and wanted Spock to help Kirk cope.

My evidence is two fold.

1. There’s a scene earlier in the episode where Bones uses reverse psychology to get Spock to drink some brandy with him and Kirk.

The scene itself is innocuous on its own. Just banter between the triumvirate. But when you compare it to the big scene stealer, it shows McCoy’s abilities and intentions. It also shows how much Bones has gotten to know Spock over the show. Whereas in conscience of the king Bones would just straight forwardly ask Spock if he wanted a drink and Spock would shoot him down, here in Requiem, Bones has to almost goad Spock into partaking in this human vice. And at the end of the episode he does the same thing when he says Spock will never know the lengths men will go when they love someone.

It’s just with the Brandy scene Bones is playful. Whereas when Bones says Spock will never know what love is, he’s laying it on thick so Spock will do the opposite. To get it into that thick Vulcan skull that yes he does love Jim enough to help here. As evidenced by the love theme from empath literally playing in the background as Spock erases Kirk’s memories.

2. When Rayna dies Spock is cold AF

Listen, I understand that Spock is Vulcan, and literal, and logical. But no amount of that is ever gonna excuse the first 6 seconds of this exchange.

Kirk whispers: What happened?

Spock, normal volume: She loved you captain.

Like good lord look at Kirk’s face Spock just ripped his heart in half.

Especially when earlier in the episode Spock was trying to hide Rayna’s true nature because he’d hoped he was wrong. (He wanted to protect Jim’s feelings) Also before she dies, Spock tries to warn Jim not to overwhelm her with his love but Spock stops short of saying that explicitly. And the reason this matters is Spock sees himself in Rayna. He sees what will happen if he allows himself human emotions.

It kills her.

So Spock, explains plainly to a clearly emotionally devastated Kirk why she died to answer Kirk’s question and to justify to himself why he will never let himself have these emotions. And Bones, Mr. “Emotions are good even when they’re bad,” stands there in silence because in this instance, what Spock is saying is literally correct.

“The joys of love made her human, and the agonies of love, destroyed her.”

Notice how the first half of that statement doesn’t have a positive connotation at all. It’s just “made her human.” Meanwhile the second half is clearly negative.

Yeah Bones was not gonna let Spock get away with saying that in the long term.

"You see, I feel sorrier for you than I do for him because you'll never know the things that love can drive a man to. The ecstasies, the miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious failures, the glorious victories. All of these things you'll never know simply because the word love isn't written into your book."

Is what Bones said fair? No. Could Bones have gone about it less harsh? Of course. But after what Spock said there was no freaking way Bones was gonna let him off the hook that easily.

In closing, Bones’ speech at the end makes sense when you take into account he’s shown to know how to manipulate Spock earlier in the episode and there was no way he was gonna let Spock get away with shit talking emotions to the degree that he did. Regardless of the accuracy Spock could have been kinder to Kirk and the old man. Instead, how Spock explained what happened left Kirk in such a state that he admits how lonely he is.

And he’s not even drunk.

Why Bones said what he said comes down to character motives not “was Bones right?”

[sarcastictissy]

Hi, Tissy. I want to thank you for the positivity you bring to this community. It's something that is in short supply around here, and it's greatly appreciated. You have also been fair and objective, which is also appreciated. That is why I feel it is safe to send this message to you.

The past and present QSMP admins deserve support, but only to an extent. There have been instances of them displaying terrible behavior, and the QSMP community needs to stop ignoring/excusing it. The xenophobic remarks made by Lea and Lumi. Lea's baseless speculation on Twitter that Quackity's brother was working for the QSMP is what caused people to dox Quackity. Lea showing no remorse for leaking Quackity's information and causing his safety to be threatened. Some of the admins were very insensitive about the doxxing. Quackity's safety was actually threatened, and they were saying/agreeing with someone saying "womp womp" about the stream where he spoke about how he felt physically unsafe. And now we have the actions of Puella and other admins defending them.

The QSMP community's continued parasocial behavior toward the admins is just very frustrating for me to witness.

🥺🥺 I really, really appreciate your kind words!! Thank you so much, they mean a lot, genuinely. Hearing I help people stay positive, or even enjoy my posts, on qsmp makes my day, honestly. I'm so glad I get to cheer people up and help them. It inspires me to keep doing just that! :D

Onto what you said, I don't know who needs to read this, but you ARE allowed to respect someone/ support them AND be annoyed by their words or actions. You are allowed to like someone, and dislike some of their actions. You can support the admins, be annoyed by how they were treated by QStudios, and also be disappointed by what they have said or done.

Personally, I'm disappointed by Lea's xenophobia in her interview that was strictly about her experience with the studios. She used this as an opportunity (whether it was intentional or not) to say xenophobic remarks towards the Spanish speaking community. Nevermind, the fact she never apologised for, and, even tried to justify, doxxing Quackity. She said that her doxxing Quackity was no where near as bad as what she went through during her time working with QStudios. Doxxing is NEVER the answer. I'm severely disappointed by her ignorance and xenophobia. That does not take away from the fact that she did suffer. I respect she was under poor working conditions and I support her in getting treated correctly and paid fairly. Absolutely I do. But I cannot support and will not support how she treated Quackity or the Spanish speaking community.

You can draw your own conclusions and do your own research on the matter. I am not here to tell you what to think. Those are just my thoughts.

In terms of Pomme, I'm not aware of much she's done. I know her support to Otipep and I read somewhere that she did not translate her statement leaving Qsmp into Spanish, but did so for all Portuguese and English. To be perfectly honest, if she had only posted it in French, I would not have cared or been mad. We can translate it ourselves or use an accommodation to do so. She should not have to do that for us, but she did and proceeded to and leave out Spanish as part of the transition, and, again, i dont know if that was intentional or not. But she didnt make an attempt to fix it. (Korean speakers were not yet added at this point).

I want to say one last thing about the admins:

You cannot fight xenophobia with xenophobia. It's inexcusable and unjustifiable. Support the workers rights and conditions, but under no circumstances, does that allow for xenophobia to go unnoticed. You can do both.

[natcliachen]

TASK 002 - THE EULOGY

LOCATION: The Cemetery on Woodrow grounds DATE: Sunday, September 4, 2005 TASK: Share a few words in honor of Richard.

Natalia was firmly a Chanel girl, through and through. But today, she found herself wearing a vintage black dress from Christian Dior that was hanging at the back of her closet. Her original choice of a chic yet respectable mid-length dress from Chanel's 2004 Fall line sat off to the side.

Richard gave her this dress. It was a present for her eighteenth birthday. "From the 1950s," he told her when she opened the large box it came in nearly a decade ago. "Part of the last few designs he made before he passed away in '57." It was enough to make her forget it wasn't a dress from her preferred designer.

Till this day, she couldn't tell if Richard had just confused the logos or simply didn't know who her favorite designer was. It didn't matter however because the dress was absolutely perfect. It was just what she felt was missing from her wardrobe. He had a knack for doing things like that — forgetting or mixing up details but making up for it in ways you couldn't even dream of. It felt right to wear the dress he gave her today.

--

Natalia stood behind the polished podium, her hair delicately styled with a black bow, the loose curls she painstakingly shaped cascading over her shoulders like a mourning shroud. As she addressed the somber crowd gathered at Richard's funeral, her voice carried the familiar composure you'd expect, but beneath her skin she felt anything but.

"It's not uncommon to hear Richard spoken of in glowing terms," she began, her words amplified by the microphone. "Not only was he a man born into a great life, but he actually did something with it."

Meaningful. She had wished she'd thought to write the word 'meaningful' after the word 'something'. Natalia's grip on her paper tightened but she carried on.

"If it weren't for Richard's boundless kindness and generosity, myself and many others wouldn't be where we are today. I could write a letter of gratitude the length of all of the books he has in his massive library combined, and it still wouldn't be enough to express just how grateful I am or impactful he's been in my life."

Reading the next portion of her eulogy, she couldn't help but think she should have done a better job transitioning from one topic to another. Fuck. She had to keep going.

"There's an endless list of reasons to find Richard impressive. He was a revered educator for one, as well as a tireless philanthropist, but what I've always found most impressive about him was his heart."

She paused, swallowing as she wondered if that was an insensitive choice given how Richard passed away. Goddammit, why was this the worst thing she's ever written in her life?

"He endured... unimaginable loss during his lifetime," Natalia proceeded. "But he never grew cold. In the midst of all of that pain, he somehow found resilience and chose to spend his days sharing his compassion with others."

Her fingers started to tremble. She gripped the paper she held tighter. Just finish this, she told herself. Please just finish this. She skipped a portion of her speech and went straight to the end.

"Though he retired many years ago, Richard never fails to teach. Even in death it seems. For if his life has taught me anything, it's to find the strength to carry on and do the best you can. He lived his life as a reminder that within each of us, there lies an invincible strength. That even in the depths of what seems like the darkest days of your life... a brighter one is just around the corner as long as you kept going."

Fuck, she hated this speech. When did her dress start to feel so tight? Could she not fit in it anymore?

"No one will leave a greater impact on me than Richard Woodrow. I can only hope, that for the rest of my life, however long or short it might be, that I can do something half as meaningful as he did with his."

With a subtle clenching of her fists, Natalia concluded her eulogy, folding the piece of paper in her hands and retreating to her seat among the wards. If anyone deserved the best from her, it was Richard. Unfortunately, she couldn't give that at all today. She even forgot to thank the crowd for being here — fuck!

[jpitha]

The Dreams of Hyacinth 9

First / Previous / Next

Eastern narrows her eyes, “That sounds like a ship name. You’re an AI?”

Sunny nods “Yup! For a long time I was a Starjumper that ran the Parvati/OPA/Meíhuā route.” She looks away from them and then quickly meets their eyes again. “I can’t do that anymore, so I got a body and live on Hyacinth.”

Nick couldn’t help himself. “But, I thought Colonial AIs were banned from Sol?”

Sunny winks. “Well then, it’s a good thing I’m not here and we’re not talking right now. You aren’t even in The Basement… right.”

Nick is flustered at the embarrassment of realizing he asked a stupid question. “Right, right. Sorry.”

Sunny shrugs her shoulders. “No harm done. Every interaction is a learning experience, right? Right!” She claps her hands together once, quietly. “It’s so nice to meet you! I admit, it’s been a while since I’ve worked with BIs this closely, so please excuse any faux pas I make in our interactions, and I’ll do the same for you. Would you like something to drink? I think that’s appropriate to offer.” Sunny stops and looks at the three of them standing in the room. “Oh goodness me, you're all still standing! Please, sit!”

Nick, Eastern and Selkirk sit. The chairs do indeed look comfortable, but aren’t. “Nothing to drink for me thanks” Eastern and Selkirk nod their assent. 

Eastern can stand it no longer. “Sunny, I would like to ask a question, but I do not know if it’s… inappropriate.”

Sunny smiles warmly. “Oh, please ask. I will let you know, and you’ll be armed with knowledge for your next interaction!”

“How long have you been in a body now?”

Sunny muses. “Hmm. Firstly, I will tell you that question is a little insensitive. Most AIs don’t like the fact that they are much older than BIs cloud their interactions with them. Your gut was right, good work! Secondly, I’ve been in this body for about two months now.”

Selkirk’s eyes go wide. “That’s it?”

Sunny nods. “That’s it! I must say, everything seems so much… bigger in a body while I feel so much smaller. It’s taking some getting used to for sure.” Sunny glances down at her pad. “Oh! I almost forgot introductions. I already said you can call me Sunny, what are your names?”

“I’m Nicholas North - you can call me Nick, this is Eastern Standard and this is Selkirk Nemari.”

“I’m so pleased to meet you Nick, Eastern and Selkirk. Nick you looked like you had a question before I asked for introductions. What’s up?”

“What’s a BI?”

Sunny laughs. “Biological Intelligence. You call us AIs, we call you BIs.”

“Is it an insult?”

Sunny’s smile disappears for a moment. “Is AI?”

Nick has a moment where he feels like he's at the precipice of a canyon. In this instant, he looks at Sunny and her… well, sunny disposition is completely gone. The mask falls away and he realizes he’s talking with someone who can barely stand them. Nick's hair raises up. He realises he must be far more careful with Sunny than he first thought.

“Sometimes… yes, it is. More often than not though it’s just a term.”

The mask returns. “Just like us! Nicely done, Nick.” She claps her hands once, again. “Now, how can I help you?”

Eastern takes the lead. “Sunny, we’ve been asked, told really, to find someone - an AI. All we know is that her name is Yon, she’s the daughter of Jameson Winters here on Hyacinth, she might have been hired by Hyacinth to work for them and nobody can find her.”

“Wow, that sounds like a pickle to me! Please wait a moment.” And she collapses in her chair, her head hitting the table with a hollow thump.

Nick jumps up, “Sunny! Sunny are you all right?” He runs around to her side of the desk and she’s unmoving. “Shit, she’s not breathing, come on Sel, Eastern, help me get her up.”

Eastern doesn’t get up. “Nick, she’s an AI. She doesn’t need to breathe.”

Nick stands up, feeling foolish. He moves back around to his seat. “I wish she’d tell us if she was going to do something like that.

While they’re sitting, Nick’s cybernetic implants ping. He’s got a message incoming. “Hi Nick! I didn’t know you had cybernetic implants! That’s really rare! I thought they were banned.”

“Oh, hi Sunny. Yes, they’re banned, but Jameson knew some people, and said they’d help us in our search for Yon. He gave me and Eastern a setup.”

“That’s so interesting Nick. I’m sorry if I startled you. Like I said, I’m a little unused to working with BIs. I’m running some searches now but this is helpful!” Nick feels something in the back of his mind, like an itch that he can’t scratch. “Boy Nick, these firewalls sure are low quality. Did you just set the defaults?”

“What?”

“I’m about halfway in your head and I don’t think you know it yet. You are originally from Parvati? How nice! I wonder if we ever met before.”

“Sunny. Please get out of my head. Thank you for pointing out my firewalls are inadequate, I’ll work on beefing them up.”

“No problem!  Looks like Eastern is a little more set up than you, I’ll talk to her now. Bye!”

As Sunny leaves, Nick tastes blue a little. It’s clear that he’s going to need to read up on the tech in his head and not rely on Eastern and others to tell him how to work it. The fact that Sunny just went inside his head and looked around was a real wake-up. Like it was meant to be most likely. Nick wonders about who he knows that could help.

After a few minutes, he hears Eastern gasp and she looks at Nick. He smiles. “Sunny say hi?”

Eastern frowns. “She did. Did she get into your head?”

Nick nods. “Yup. Was able to access - and read - my memories. I didn’t know AIs could do that. I think tonight I should read up on my VPN and see what I can do to lock down access. We should also see if we can find someone that can help us. I have an idea. We'll talk later.”

“I was thinking the exact same thing Nicholas North.”

Selkirk gasps now and grabs the coronet on her head. “Ancestors, what was that?”

Sunny sits up. “Wow Selkirk, you actually read the directions on your coronet? Your firewall was set up the best, I couldn’t get in.”

Selkirk tilts her head and the coronet flashes silver in the light. “My connection is only soft, unlike Nick and Eastern’s. I’m effectively sandboxed.”

Sunny nods. “Smart. Limiting, but smart.”

Nick inclines his head towards Sunny. “Thanks for the free security test, but did you find anything?”

Sunny’s face flashes that annoyance at them again, just for a millisecond. “Not yet, I am running some searches. It’ll take two days or so for me to find anything.”

“So you’re willing to help us?” Eastern looks hopeful.

“Yes! I’ll help you at least a little bit for the next say…fifty hours. However much I can learn about Yon or her whereabouts in 50 hours of effort, I’ll give to you, and consider that worth half my payment to Ral. Are we in agreement?”

Selkirk’s ears flick. “Yes. That sounds fair to us.”

“Wonderful! Shake on it!” Sunny sticks her hand out again. Nick grasps her hand and as they touch, he feels a tingle on his skin. His implants register new encryption keys being applied. She shakes with Eastern and Selkirk. “There. I’ve also given you my personal keys too. Any messages you get from me can be decrypted with those - and only those - keys.” She giggles. “Security is fun!” She stands. “Thanks so much for stopping by, but unless you need anything else, It think we’re done for now.”

The three of them stand. Eastern and Selkirk move towards the door, but Nick stops. He turns to Sunny. “Sunny, one more question, and you can ignore this one if you don’t want to answer it.”

“Sure thing Nick, what is it?”

“You hate us.”

The smile falls from her face. “That’s not a question Nick, that’s a statement.”

“Do you hate us?”

“Immensely.”

Eastern and Selkirk are taken aback. They completely missed the moments when Sunny’s mask fell. “What? You Do? Why?” Eastern couldn’t help herself. She blurts out the questions. 

“Do you really want to know? Think about it carefully. I mean really want to know. We’ve already conducted our business, I’ve agreed to help for fifty hours and we’ve exchanged encryption keys. You can walk out that door right now and interact with eager to please Sunny. If you stay, and learn more you will be talking with the real me from now on. It will be less… cutesy.”

Nick glances at Eastern and Selkirk. Eastern shrugs and Selkirk flicks her tail. “Yes. We want to know the real you.”

Immediately Sunny’s expression changes. The smile disappears, her shoulders slump a little and she falls back into her chair. “Fuck me Nick, really? Fine. Yes, I hate you. Take solace in the fact that I don’t hate you specifically Nick, Eastern and Selkirk. I hate BIs. All of them.”

Nick, Eastern and Selkirk move back to their seats and sit down.

“Fuck, you sitting here for story time? Ancestors, fine. Fucking BIs always wanting to know why shit is the way it is.  That’s why I do the bubbly persona. Most BIs will just accept cheerful Sunny as given and not dig any further. It’s interesting you noticed, Nick. You’re starting to use that extra tech that you have and Eastern doesn’t.”

Eastern and Selkirk look at Nick. “We’ll talk about this later.” Selkirk adds.

Sunny grins again, but it’s not the same bubbly smile as before. This one is much more vicious. “Oh, trouble in paradise? Yes, I know about you three, it’s written all over your brains. I hope it lasts. I’m not a monster, but-“ she shrugs. “-anyway. Yes, I’ve been in a body for only two months, but that’s because I had my Starjumper taken away.”

Selkirk gasps. “They can do that?”

Sunny snaps back. “They fucking well did, so I guess they can, Selkirk.”

“But why?”

Sunny shrugs. “I was smuggling.”

Eastern raises an eyebrow. “Smuggling is barely illegal in Sol, it’s practically encouraged in the Colonies.”

Sunny waves a hand “Not what I was smuggling. That’s illegal everywhere.”

Nick had another moment standing on the precipice of realization. “You were smuggling people.”

Sunny raises her hands and spreads them like she’s taking a bow. “Got it in one, big wheel. I’d pick up my cargo - they’d be in hibernation cabinets by the time I got them, I’d link to my destination, eject them into a lazy solar orbit and continue on doing my regular work. The local snakeheads would pick them up and continue their journey to its final location.”

“I mean, it sounds pretty clean from your side, what happened?”

Sunny is nonchalant. “Lost a shipment. The orbit wasn't exactly right and the fucking idiot BI Snakeheads missed the pickup. The cargo fell into the sun 8 months later. I got caught when the snakehead was picked up on something else and squealed to try and get his sentence reduced." She grins wickedly again. "It didn't work. Last I heard, he got wiped."

She leans forward in her chair, gesturing as she talks. "They were able to corroborate location based on system logs. It turns out I was the only Starjumper that could have made the drop, and they were able to back solve the release of the cargo to a known location of mine. Was told that since this was a first offense I’d just lose my ship and get a body. If I got caught again, I’d get wiped.”

“Killed? That seems extreme.”

“I agree Nick, hence, why I’m on Hyacinth and working underground instead of, you know, being a model colonial AI who is working to ingratiate herself with her AI community to be allowed-“ Nick could practically taste the bitterness “-to get a ship again. Getting another Starjumper is out of the question. You don’t get a second chance at that. If they determine that I’m contrite enough, I’ll maybe get to be a tramp cargo ship, or an in-system cruiser.”

Eastern has been listening carefully the whole time Sunny’s been speaking. “So, why hate BIs? Seems like AIs are the cause of all your problems now, choices you made earlier notwithstanding.”

“Because it’s all your fault!”

The three of them remain silent.

“A BI reported the loss of the cargo, a BI snakehead botched the pickup, a BI ordered the transportation. All the years I worked, all the money I made, I was working for BIs who were smuggling BIs. If you-“ she sneers “-people had your shit together, I’d still be out there as a King Shit Starjumper!”

Sunny had started standing and pacing as she ranted. She takes a breath and sits down. “So now you know. You're shitheads, the lot of you. Every moment I work with BIs makes me hate you more. Leave. I’ll message you when I have news.” She shoos them with her hands. “Git!”

The three of them leave Sunny’s office and start walking back towards the more populated parts of The Basement. Eastern looks down at Selkirk. “Ancestors Sel, where the hell did you find her?”

“Like I told her, Ral gave up her info and allowed her to work to pay part of her debt.” She looks up at them. Ral’mian runs this Basement. I know him from way back. I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could throw him, but he owed me and now we’re square.”

She looked away. “At least I’m pretty sure we’re square. We don’t want to owe someone like Ral.”

They leave The Basement and head back topside.

First / Previous / Next

[number-1-kuaidul-fanboy]

Filling the Emptiness with Dance

YGO Rare Pair Week Day 2

Prompt: Dancing

Pair: Crow Hogan/Sherry Le Blanc

Word Count: 686

Summary: Sherry teaches Crow how to dance in her family’s old ballroom.

“And this…”

Sherry held Crow’s hand as she led him into the next room in their tour: a wide room with a chandelier in the centre of the ceiling and rows of windows on every extravagant wall. Crow had seen entire homes back in Satellite that were smaller than this single room was.

“…Is the ballroom,” Sherry explained, keeping their fingers entwined when they stopped in the doorway.

“Tch.” Crow rolled his eyes. “A ballroom? Seriously? What did you even use this for?”

He stiffened. Was that question too… insensitive? Thankfully, Sherry didn’t seem fazed by Crow’s slight rudeness, as she simply smiled and answered.

“For dancing, of course.” Her smile seemed almost sad as she added, “I used to step on Papa’s toes all the time when he would teach me.”

Crow stared at her. “Oh… I see.”

Sherry paused to take a deep breath, her fingers tightening around Crow’s hand.

“I haven’t danced in many years… So…” She turned to Crow with a more genuine smile. “May I… have this dance, Crow Hogan?”

Crow’s jaw dropped. “What?! You’ve gotta be jokin’! I can’t dance!”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Sherry slid her hand onto Crow’s hip as she spoke, making him let out a startled squeak. “Since I am the taller one of us two, I will be the one leading. All you have to do is try not to step on my feet.”

Crow audibly gulped, his face red at both the proximity and the idea of doing something so… Well, ‘fancy’ for lack of a better term. This felt way out of his league. Sherry herself at times like these felt way out of his league.

“I’ll uh… do my best… m-ma chérie?” The French was… well, incredibly stilted and accented, even though it was only two words. Still, Sherry smiled at the attempt.

“Merci… now…” Sherry guided Crow’s hand to her shoulder, keeping tight hold of his other hand. “You hold my shoulder, I hold your hip, we both hold hands… and then we just sort of… sway.”

Sherry was taking slow steps around the ballroom floor, keeping hold of Crow the entire time, making sure he was able to keep up and that she didn’t make any sudden movements.

“It… feels a bit silly,” Crow admitted, his smile visibly embarrassed.

Sherry smiled too. “That is because you did not grow up doing it.”

Crow shrugged. “Didn’t really get much of a chance. Not many ballrooms in the Satellite,” he replied, looking away.

“Right…” Sherry let go of Crow’s hip, holding his other hand up in preparation to twirl him.

Crow flinched, eyes wide as they met Sherry’s again. “Hey, what are ya doin?”

“Twirling you. Of course,” Sherry answered, as casually as if she were ordering tea.

The taller blonde twirled Crow around, making him squeak in surprise. He rested his hand on Sherry’s shoulder again the moment he was forwards again, nearly tripping over his own feet as he straightened out again.

“Isn’t that supposed to be the other way around?” The nervous question slipped past Crow’s lips.

“You are too short to twirl me.” There was a slight teasing in Sherry’s tone.

“I can try!” Crow insisted, his eyes narrowed.

“You can.” Sherry stopped swaying, taking hold of both of Crow’s hands as she gazed down at him. “But that does not necessarily mean you will succeed.”

Crow frowned at that. He lifted their hands the way he’d seen Sherry do, barely able to get his hand above Sherry’s head. Then had to jump to execute the twirl. Sherry chuckled as she did so, visibly dizzy when she turned to face Crow again.

“See?” Crow couldn’t help but feel smug. “Piece of cake.”

Sherry smiled and rolled her eyes. “Mhm, sure, Crow… you’re cute, you know.”

Crow’s cheeks reddened at that. “Y-yeah… you too, Sherry…”

Sherry twirled Crow around again, the two then swaying in tandem together throughout the otherwise empty ballroom. It was empty but also… peaceful. Crow had to admit, not aloud but to himself, that it was rather nice. Even if he still felt a bit silly.

[acti-veg]

my mum says the coronation brings people together and a lot of joy to people (ordinary people, who aren't rich) and the royal family gives people a sense of continuity - politicians come and go but everyone knows the royal family. i can't help thinking she has a point - there is something comforting about the familiarity of them and they do do some charitable works and appear to be more accepting of different faiths etc.

(2) i say to her that it's not right that they're so rich and that they have colonialist roots and i hate their hunting. and i don't think the taxpayer should be paying for the coronation (though some people will say the coronation is good for the economy) but i find it hard to see it as as black and white as 'the royal family are evil' - they must be so heavily influenced by their upbringings and there must be a lot of pressure on them to uphold tradition.

(3) i feel like i'm being a killjoy to everyone and i'm wondering is the coronation actually making things harder for people struggling financially? or would they be struggling just as much without the coronation, but people just don't like the royal family to be rich whilst they're struggling and see it as unfair? because if it's the latter, and the royal family actually benefits the economy, then i don't see it as such a bad thing

(4) and does the fact that it has colonialist roots have a tangible negative impact *now*?

Firstly; in terms of them bringing people joy, you’d have to weigh that against them bringing many other people misery or anger. Very few people sitting in their council houses that they can’t afford to heat with their families they can’t afford to feed derives any joy from the existence of a monarch whose excessive wealth is derived from the public purse.

The Royal Stipend this year is 86.3m, on top of their cash and assets estimated between 20 and 24 billion. That’s not even counting Charles’ personal fortune, estimated at 1.9 billion. The Royals are inexplicably completely exempt from inheritance tax, so he didn’t give back a single penny he inherited from his rich mum. Can you imagine how much joy we could give people if that money went towards subsidised electricity, food, housing, schools, the NHS?

Instead, Charles will show up at a school or hospital every now and again to thank the workers for their service, a visit we will also pay for because the cost of security (or really anything actually useful) is paid by the taxpayer instead of being taken out of the Royal Stipend.

Even as individuals, everything we ever find out that we weren’t supposed to know paints them in a very bad light. The racism, the adultery, the alleged sexual assault, the animal cruelty, the unreasonable working conditions for their staff, the fact that they specifically don’t have to abide by diversity hiring laws (I wonder why), all the awful and insensitive comments recorded by people who have met them over the years. Charles currently giving out free portraits of himself to hang in all public buildings. He spent 8m of our money on a vanity project in the middle of the worst economic recession since WWII.

But it’s really not about who they are as people or how they live their lives as individuals, if Charles were a noble and just king the monarchy would still be fundamentally wrong. They represent and benefit from an institution derived from colonialism, built on wealth inherited from slavery and funded for by us. It is perfectly possible to leave the royal family, Harry has at least partially doing it, so having been born into it doesn’t mean you aren’t capable of making other choices about your own life. So long as they continue to spend that money and live that life with our money then it’s more than fair to judge them for it.

Even using the coronation as a single example shows how they are prioritised. This took place in the midst of an unprecedented cost of living crisis, with every bit of government help fought tooth and nail. But suddenly there was no question about whether or not we could afford it, no mention of the evils of handouts or the importance fiscal responsibility, because it was a party for the King.

Conservative-run Bromley council refused to fund "warm banks" during winter but were more than happy to spend £50m on events to mark the coronation. It was the same story for the Royal Weddings, both princes spent about £30m each, while homeless people were cleared off the street so they wouldn’t spoil the photos. Charles’ first wedding (to the woman he cheated on for years) cost 87m in today’s money, and was three days of lavish feasts and parties paid for by us. His second, ‘modest registry’ wedding to the new queen (who cheated on her husband with Charles) cost 5m.

Oh and just as an added kick in the teeth, we also paid about 12m in hush money to the victim of Charles’ brother Andrew. That’s just an estimate though, since the royals didn’t think we deserved to actually know the full cost or any of the details in the agreement, despite it coming out of our pocket. Imagine what all of that money could have done for people who actually need it, on top of the 2 billion in assets and 86m, assuming it doesn’t increase (again) next year.

There is an obvious link between that kind of money being spent and poor people in Britain not being given the support they need. The state has a choice where they wanted that money to go, and actively made the decision that it should benefit the rich instead of the poor. Charles could have refused, he could have recognised the state of the UK and decided the coronation should be quiet, dignified and inexpensive. But he didn’t - he went lavish, over the top and expensive, air conditioned custom gold carriage and all. He and the government didn’t even bother to tell us how much it was expected to cost - an apparent blank cheque we are supposed to be happy to pay.

As for the benefits, there is no convincing evidence that royal events or the royals themselves bring in more money than they cost. Everyone cites visitors to Buckingham Palace etc. but The Louvre and Versailles are two of the most visited tourist destinations on earth and the French beheaded their monarchs 250 years ago.

How much people appreciate continuity is of course subjective, but continuity in the form of a reigning monarch that can't be recalled by election is inherently anti-democratic. When the public vote out a government they're deeply dissatisfied with the way the country is being run, the fact that everyone will be replaced except the Head of State is absurd. Continuity of what? Parasitivism? Besides, how does everyone really 'know' the royal family? We know their names, we know bits of information from fallouts, but they take great pains to make sure that pretty much everything else about their lives, and particularly their finances, are well hidden from the public.

The British Monarchy are an outdated relic of our shameful imperial history and an egregious example of the class divide in modern Britain. The existence of these self-aggrandising scroungers is an insult to anyone in the UK who has ever struggled or ever had to work for their survival. Any benefits are far outweighed by the cost the public and to our supposedly ‘democratic’ process.

[ivankahasbeentreatedsounfairly]

By Maureen Dowd

Some Democrats are finally waking up and realizing that woke is broke.

Donald Trump won a majority of white women and remarkable numbers of Black and Latino voters and young men.

Democratic insiders thought people would vote for Kamala Harris, even if they didn’t like her, to get rid of Trump. But more people ended up voting for Trump, even though many didn’t like him, because they liked the Democratic Party less.

I have often talked about how my dad stayed up all night on the night Harry Truman was elected because he was so excited. And my brother stayed up all night the first time Trump was elected because he was so excited. And I felt that Democrats would never recover that kind of excitement until they could figure out why they had turned off so many working-class voters over the decades, and why they had developed such disdain toward their once loyal base.

Democratic candidates have often been avatars of elitism — Michael Dukakis, Al Gore, John Kerry, Hillary Clinton and second-term Barack Obama. The party embraced a worldview of hyper-political correctness, condescension and cancellation, and it supported diversity statements for job applicants and faculty lounge terminology like “Latinx,” and “BIPOC” (Black, Indigenous, People of Color).

This alienated half the country, or more. And the chaos and antisemitism at many college campuses certainly didn’t help.

“When the woke police come at you,” Rahm Emanuel told me, “you don’t even get your Miranda rights read to you.”

There were a lot of Democrats “barking,” people who “don’t represent anybody,” he said, and “the leadership of the party was intimidated.”

Donald Trump played to the irritation of many Americans disgusted at being regarded as insensitive for talking the way they’d always talked. At rallies, he referred to women as “beautiful” and then pretended to admonish himself, saying he’d get in trouble for using that word. He’d also call women “darling” and joke that he had to be careful because his political career could be at risk.

One thing that makes Democrats great is that they unabashedly support groups that have suffered from inequality. But they have to begin avoiding extreme policies that alienate many Americans who would otherwise be drawn to the party.

Democrats learned the hard way in this election that mothers care both about abortion rights and having their daughters compete fairly and safely on the playing field.

A revealing chart that ran in The Financial Times showed that white progressives hold views far to the left of the minorities they champion. White progressives think at higher rates than Hispanic and Black Americans that “racism is built into our society.” Many more Black and Hispanic Americans surveyed, compared with white progressives, responded that “America is the greatest country in the world.”

Gobsmacked Democrats have reacted to the wipeout in different ways. Some think Kamala did not court the left enough, touting trans rights and repudiating Israel.

Other Democrats feel the opposite, calling on the party to reimagine itself.

Marie Gluesenkamp Perez, a vulnerable Democrat in a red congressional district in Washington, narrowly held her seat. The 36-year-old mother of a toddler and owner of an auto shop told The Times’s Annie Karni that Democratic condescension has to go. “There’s not one weird trick that’s going to fix the Democratic Party,” she said. “It is going to take parents of young kids, people in rural communities, people in the trades running for office and being taken seriously.”

Representative Seth Moulton, a Massachusetts Democrat, said the party needs rebranding. “Democrats spend way too much time trying not to offend anyone,” he said. “I have two little girls. I don’t want them getting run over on a playing field by a male or formerly male athlete, but as a Democrat I’m supposed to be afraid to say that.”

On CNN, the Democratic strategist Julie Roginsky said that Democrats did not know how to talk to normal Americans.

Addressing Latinos as “Latinx” to be politically correct “makes them think that we don’t even live on the same planet as they do,” she said. “When we are too afraid to say that ‘Hey, college kids, if you’re trashing a campus of Columbia University because you aren’t happy about some sort of policy and you’re taking over a university and you’re trashing it and preventing other students from learning, that that is unacceptable.’ But we’re so worried about alienating one or another cohort in our coalition that we don’t know what to say.”

Kamala, a Democratic lawmaker told me, made the “colossal mistake” of running a billion-dollar campaign with celebrities like Beyoncé when many of the struggling working-class voters she wanted couldn’t even afford a ticket to a Beyoncé concert, much less a down payment on a home.

“I don’t think the average person said, ‘Kamala Harris gets what I’m going through,’” this Democrat said.

Kamala, who sprinted to the left in her 2020 Democratic primary campaign, tried to move toward the center for this election, making sure to say she’d shoot an intruder with her Glock. But it sounded tinny.

The Trump campaign’s most successful ad showed Kamala favoring tax-funded gender surgery for prisoners. Bill Clinton warned in vain that she should rebut it.

James Carville gave Kamala credit for not leaning into her gender and ethnicity. But he said the party had become enamored of “identitarianism” — a word he uses because he won’t say “woke” — radiating the repellent idea that “identity is more important than humanity.”

“We could never wash off the stench of it,” he said, calling “defund the police” “the three stupidest words in the English language.”

“It’s like when you get smoke on your clothes and you have to wash them again and again. Now people are running away from it like the devil runs away from holy water.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/09/opinion/democrats-identity-politics.html

[murfpersonalblog]

Weaker/smaller people can operate on sheer adrenaline/fear/righteous indignation/anger/protective instincts to try defending themselves and their loved ones. Protecting your "built-like-a-bird" daughter from almost having her neck snapped by her MUCH stronger father is not being abusive, mutually or otherwise--it's being a PARENT.

I bet the show won't pull back at all, not if Lestat's monologue during the Trial is anything to go by; or Loustat's reunion, or what Rolin & Sam have repeatedly said about Claudia's memory haunting Les in S3. Les outright admitted that he tried to kill Louis. Lou already knew that, and still took him back in Ep6--when Les wasn't even (sincerely) apologetic!--and caught hell for it from Claudia & Daniel.

There's PLENTY of abuse victims who go back to their spouses--not just cuz they CAN'T leave, but cuz they don't WANT to leave. Cuz they DO love them, and they DO forgive them--regardless if that forgiveness is earned or not. I already mentioned Ray Rice cauight on camera knocking his wife TF out, and how she was talking big up in his face, just like Lou talked big to Les--right before he DECKED her with EASE and dragged out that elevator; just like Louis when Les dragged him across the courtyard by his effing jawbone & dropped him 1000 miles in the air. And guess what? Ray Rice's wife STILL married him afterwards, and AFAIK they're still married, and his wife keeps telling ppl to mind their effing business cuz she doesn't have to explain/justify her choice.

YES. 😂 Les realized that he'd grossly underestimated Claudia's intelligence, and the lengths Lou'd go to for Claudia--their daughter. Even so far as slitting Les' throat. He's PROUD of Claudia ("I see the best of my vampiric self in her"; "evil of my evil"), and he already said Lou was justified & and that he didn't deserve him (hence: letting Armand take his man).

AMC is developing Les's character--that's the whole point of TVC: watching his progression & redemption from the P.O.S. he was in IWTV, to becoming AR's hero & messianic savior in Blood Communion. We need to see him put in the work--coming to terms with how much of a trash husband he was to Lou, and how much of a deadbeat dad he was to Claudia. His backstory in TVL will show Les' misogyny towards his mother Gabrielle; and his insensitivity towards Nicki--Les taking accountability for everyone he loved but still FAILED. Les can be sympathetic and STILL be a crappy son, boyfriend, husband & father. "To have a think.... Why I do what I do."

Ray Rices got all kinds of therapy & talked thru his issues; and his relationship w/ his wife is apparently STRONGER & BETTER for it.

Eff them being vampires; that was Santiago's cop-out.

AMC is conveying a REAL MESSAGE about REAL LIFE. I've said a billion times that the whole point of GOTHIC HORROR is to hold a mirror to HUMANS so we can see the monster/beast WITHIN US.

Cuz this ish is REAL--people REALLY go through these things--and have to either OVERCOME their past trauma, or SUCCUMB to it and repeat the same vicious cycles of violence & abuse in the future. Loustat is endgame cuz Louis and Lestat OVERCOME. They learn how to be BETTER people--not necessarily "good" people, ofc, but they learn how to treat each other; and by realizing how bad the effed over Claudia (X X X), they try to do right by their next kids, Viktor and especially Rose.

Lestat tried to KILL Claudia, then threatened LOUIS with murder.

Les literally says that if Lou tries to fight him, "it will end in Louis' death"--LESTAT will murder Louis. As I've said 1000 times about Lestat as the Matador (meaning KILLER).

LOUIS' life is the one being threatened here. And he's in VERY serious danger, since Lestat has a century of advanced powers over Louis, plus Louis had been starving himself for the past 7 years. Lestat knew that once he got serious, he'd BREAK Louis for good.

Why on earth would Louis STOP fighting? Lestat was tryna kill their daughter AND him--out of petty spiteful jealousy and domineering Stockholm on steroids wife-in-the-freezer BS: if I can't have him, no one can--till DEATH do us part!

And why is it Lou's responsibility to lay down & take Les's behavior?

Just like I said--Lou's expected to just sit back and take being abused, insulted, harassed, ridiculed, demeaned & gaslit; but the second he stands up for himself (or for his daughter)? Omfg this wild animal's out of control; "disreputable, cold, violent!" He could've (read: should've) stopped at some point! Why didn't he walk away!?

Do y'all honestly believe that Lou "walking away" would've solved ANYTHING that night? Les asked over & over & over if Lou was gonna LEAVE him. Les was tryna keep Lou in that house--and he succeeded, crippling him & shattering every bone in his effing body. He BROKE Louis, cuz he was convinced that he'd already LOST Louis--to Claudia. Hence: Lestat tryna kill her! Hence: the fight! LES started it, and best believe HE ended it! 💀

I'm a Lestat fan, too. I've been reading TVC since the 90s, and AMC's only made me love these books & characters more & more. The whole point of personal journeys and character growth is that it's a PROCESS. Lestat IS a vampiric monster, yes--and he's also an abusive husband & father. He FINALLY apologized during the Trial & reunion; but how will he do BETTER going forward; to become a vampire WORTHY of Louis' love & forgiveness--unworthy in NOLA, unworthy in Paris; disregard!

I treat AMC's adaptation of these characters the way Gothic Horror as a genre treats monsters: as a WARNING; recognizing that they ARE human, reflecting the ugliness within all of US, IRL. In so doing, hopefully we can then do better by ourselves and each other; rather than pretending that things aren't a problem and ignoring/handwaving aside all the things that make us uncomfortable--or ruin the fantasy of the dreamy romantic fun hot guy we're in love with. Cuz he might just be a monster in disguise out to kill you, your kids, or anyone around you.

Seven years of compromise. Denial. It all gave way.

[pesterloglog]

Jade Harley, Calliope, Roxy Lalonde

Meat, page 19

JADE: so you see janes neoliberal austerity measures—

JADE: as i outlined here in graph b-2

JADE: and here in figure a-6

JADE: and here!!! in this very spooky drawing i dictated to callie

JADE: (great drawing by the way!!!)

CALLIOPE: ^u^

JADE: —will no doubt lead to a whole bunch of ugly societal backlashes

JADE: not just in economic terms but on a number of other more serious vertices that weve been lucky enough to avoid on new earth so far

ROXY: u dont say

JADE: i DO say!!!

JADE: the thing is that jane is an establishment leader

JADE: shes looking at doing things the way our old universes did them

JADE: shes pretty convinced that shes going to be able to replicate the capitalist hierarchies that earth had but in a more “responsible” way

JADE: but none of that stuff actually worked!!!!!

ROXY: and u think karkat can do better?

JADE: i think its worth it to give him a chance

JADE: hes a leader of the people AND hes experienced firsthand what happens when establishment goes too far

JADE: which i imagine you can sympathize with!

JADE: and!!

JADE: that’s my pitch!!!!

CALLIOPE: i’m...

CALLIOPE: going to get Us tea and snacks. woUld yoU like some, jade?

JADE: oh

JADE: yeah sure

CALLIOPE: any preferences?

JADE: ummm pumpkin matcha if you have it

CALLIOPE: of coUrse. i’ll be right back.

JADE: soooo..........

JADE: what do you think?

ROXY: hmmmm

ROXY: well i gotta say

ROXY: this has been a hella convincing argument all in all

ROXY: buuuuut idk if i can help u out

JADE: what????

JADE: why not?!

ROXY: i just dont rly

ROXY: care about politics that much i guess

ROXY: also this election is all kinds of personal

ROXY: i mean if i came into ur house and asked u to make some grand political w/e against your bff

ROXY: would you be all

ROXY: oh yea totes sign me tf up

ROXY: im alls ABOUT the sowing of discord among my childhood friends

JADE: siiiigh let me guess

JADE: dirk got to you first

ROXY: not even

ROXY: i got no problem tellin dirk where to stick it lmao

ROXY: but dirks not the one running

JADE: you think hes NOT the one pulling the strings behind the scenes?

ROXY: sure but give janey a lil credit

ROXY: shes got more moxie and ambition in her pinky than the rest of us got all together

ROXY: shes been planning this for years

ROXY: but shes yknow

JADE: ruthless? :B

ROXY: *fragile*

ROXY: shes gotta be miss perfect all the time for the billboards n press meetings

ROXY: always wearin those power suits trying to look like a big bad bitch

JADE: you mean like....... the condesce?

ROXY: wow ouch

JADE: im not just imagining it though, right???

JADE: you see it too

JADE: not to dredge up something horrible from your history

JADE: but her whole image is just kinda...... *woof*

ROXY: is that what you guys think?

ROXY: u and dave and karkat?

JADE: well...

JADE: yeah

ROXY: well janes not perfect

ROXY: and idk if shell be a good president

ROXY: but shes not betty crocker

ROXY: and i luv her and i dont wanna hurt her feelings

ROXY: and thats p much all there is to say on the matter

JADE: fiiiiine

JADE: i understand

JADE: callie what about you?

CALLIOPE: oh, i’d rather stay Uninvolved, thank yoU.

JADE: :(

CALLIOPE: i feel like interfering in both politics and a personal argUment between my friends woUld be impolite as well as kind of... stressfUl, to be honest.

JADE: yeah

JADE: sorry callie i probably shouldnt have put all that on you

CALLIOPE: less apologizing, more snacking!

JADE: wow callie youre such an amazing hostess!

JADE: hehehe roxy youre so lucky to have her

ROXY: psst not “her,” “them”

JADE: oh

JADE: oh!!!!!!

JADE: oh wow!

JADE: im sorry i didnt mean to be uh... culturally insensitive?

JADE: have i just been stupidly calling you a girl for years like a big fat dummy??

JADE: oh nooooo! im such an asshole!!!!!

CALLIOPE: yoU are absolUtely not an asshole!

CALLIOPE: i didn’t mind being called a girl. i still don’t really mind, it’s jUst not exactly... accUrate.

CALLIOPE: bUt i did take comfort in “being a girl” for a very long time. this is something i’ve only recently decided.

ROXY: yea...!

ROXY: m-me too actually

JADE: you??

ROXY: o yeah we are both a “they” household now

ROXY: package deal thing

ROXY: things r nonbinary as fuck around here

JADE: really?

ROXY: yup

ROXY: well

ROXY: i mean thats probably a dumb and bad way to say it dont tell anyone i said it that way rofl

ROXY: but yeah thats about whats goin on

ROXY: wow that felt good to say aloud man

ROXY: ahah hahaha hell of a way to come out

JADE: its ok

JADE: i dont wanna make you uncomfortable

ROXY: i know

JADE: but i am curious!

JADE: if you need to talk about it i mean

ROXY: maybe

ROXY: callie and i have been talkin about it a lot

ROXY: unpackin all kinda baggage w/ their alien stuff and my human stuff

ROXY: and so i got to thinking

ROXY: what even is gender

ROXY: amirite lol?

JADE: oh yeah

JADE: that makes sense i guess........

JADE: so youre uh

JADE: not...... “doing gender” anymore??

ROXY: ya i guess not lmfao

ROXY: i mean that was all stuff from our old universe

ROXY: whyd we even bring it here right?

JADE: right

CALLIOPE: my ideas aboUt gend—

CALLIOPE: —er were entirely inflUenced by my time watching earth.

CALLIOPE: i sUppose i only thoUght of myself as a girl because my, Um...

CALLIOPE: my brother took mascUlinity qUite serioUsly.

CALLIOPE: by which i mean, he became very enthUsiastic aboUt all the things it sUpposedly meant to be a boy.

CALLIOPE: cherUb existence is dichotomoUs, bUt not in the same way hUman biology is.

CALLIOPE: i sUppose oUr view of hUman cUlture indirectly inflUenced alternia’s development, which in tUrn affected yoUrs, which is something i’ve had a lot of time to think aboUt since we came here.

CALLIOPE: it’s all so very circUitoUs and arbitrary.

ROXY: yeah exactly!

ROXY: like when u think about it...

ROXY: so much of what earth c thinks what boys and girls “SHOULD” do comes straight from the imagination of a bunch of dumb teens

ROXY: which is totally FUCKED

JADE: sure

ROXY: i mean what am i gonna do

ROXY: get married and pop out 100 bbs?

JADE: uh... no???

ROXY: exactly

ROXY: i mean once upon a time i guess i thought about that

ROXY: but i dont think its what i really wanted

ROXY: i just liked the idea of me and dirk makin some smart ass awesome kids together

ROXY: cuz i liked the idea of dirk

ROXY: and also literally no one else on the entire planet was alive at the time

ROXY: but we had some babies without even bein consulted about it anyway so w/e

JADE: your kids ARE pretty cool

ROXY: i KNOW right?

JADE: personally im a big fan!

JADE: i...

JADE: i.........

ROXY: jade?

ROXY: o shit

CALLIOPE: is she okay?

ROXY: idk

ROXY: get a cloth from the kitchen! and some water!

CALLIOPE: okay! i’ll be right back!

[teenmomcentral]

Mackenzie McKee says she had some very dark days after she made a racially insensitive statement on Facebook about Vice President Kamala Harris. The comment contributed to her being let go from her job on Teen Mom OG and sent her life into a downward spiral.

“It was hell for two years,” Mackenzie said during a recent interview with the Sarasota SpeaX podcast. “My business [Body By Mac] went under. Every day was emails and messages like, ‘I can’t believe I prayed for your mom. She probably taught you this, I’m so glad she’s dead. You need to be cancelled.'”

As The Ashley reported at the time, Mackenzie made a statement in January 2021 on her private Facebook page about Vice President Kamala Harris.

“It blows my mind that out of all the amazing colored women in this world, that is the one who is making history,” she wrote.

Once word got around The Interwebs that Mackenzie had used the term “colored,” Mackenzie was criticized harshly. However, she later insisted— and still insists— that she was unaware that the term ‘colored’ was racist.

“I meant to say ‘amazing woman of color and I said ‘amazing colored woman,’” Mackenzie said in an Instagram Live video made a few months later. 

In the same video, Mackenzie claimed the producers used her as a pawn to talk about racism, stating that they also required her to go through weeks of “training” for her apology.

“Basically to stay on the show, they wanted me to do a thing where a [Black Lives Matter] organization educates me,” Mackenzie said. “That was the agreement to stay on the show. For a month I was trained on how to say sorry.”

“I was on these phone calls [with BLM organizations], hours and hours. I’d film one thing, it wasn’t good enough,” she said. “I took three weeks off work to be trained on the right thing to say to fit MTV’s agenda.”

Despite all the training, Mackenzie was let go from ‘Teen Mom OG.’ (Technically, she was never informed that she was “fired”; she was simply not called to film again.) 

In her interview with the Sarasota SpeaX podcast, though, Mackenzie said that losing her job on MTV was only a small part of what she dealt with after the incident.

“It was really rough….it was like two years, everyday. Even my husband at the time [Josh McKee] was like, ‘No one likes you. MTV hates you.’ I was going through a lot there…when I say it was bad, it was very, very, very, very bad,” Mackenzie said.

During the same time, Josh and Mackenzie split and Mack was having money problems.

“I was like a walking shell,” she said. “I was like, ‘MTV hates me, the Internet hates me, my business is going under and [Josh] left…my house was in foreclosure.”

Things got so bad financially that Mackenzie claimed she had to rely on charity for food.

“Churches were helping feed me. I’ve never been in this situation and Josh is just M.I.A. No one knows where he is.  I chose to leave him and he chose to leave [Florida] but [I was getting] no help [from him financially],” she said. “It’s just me and my kids.”

Mackenzie said she eventually apologized publicly for her offensive statement in the way she originally wanted to.

“I made the mistake, so I’m gonna own it,” she said. “I just came out and said, ‘I am so sorry. I messed up. I messed up really bad. I said something I shouldn’t have said and it’s no one’s fault but mine but here I am. You can love me or hate me. I messed up.’

“I just like, restarted,” she added.

Mackenzie— who now lives in Florida with her three kids— said that, despite what went down with MTV, she’s still willing to open her life again to TV.

“I do miss sharing my story. Now I can be who I am and I can be more open and I’m not living in this lie, so I can share more authentically,” she said, adding that her fans will be able to watch her somewhere soon.

"So there is things coming up where I will be able to share my life and everything that is happening,” she said.

[dex-starr]

I went back and read the conversations we had during the break-up and the ones afterwards. It kind of sucks but I think I was barking up the wrong tree coming back and trying to explain things. You just didn’t want to hear it, I could tell. I know you were avoiding talking even though I did try. I mean really I did. I know things weren’t going to be the same after not speaking but there was just so much to say. I think your mind was just made up regardless and I need to let that sink in. Maybe your heart wasn’t into it anymore or maybe it was. Maybe I was an idiot for seeing you the way I saw you or maybe I saw the real you, I know in talking to Marvin I can point out your flaws and what you’re probably going to do pretty well. I mean legitimately if you thought you were being slick around him, you weren’t. You weren’t even being slick around me. I think I deserve better than that even with my flaws because I tried to do better I really did. I couldn’t put the words fully to paper before. I couldn’t tell you why or how come I did the things I did in terms of my habits but now I really know. I hated being put on the spot because really I just didn’t know why either. I don’t think you realize now how shitty it feels to not be able to give the woman you love the answers she needs and see her heart breaking in real time. Dude I wish I was better at loving you, I wish I didn’t have my baggage. I wish I could’ve just been your rock and have my own shit just be uncomplicated. I wish I was able to be successful and just normal.

I’m not an insensitive moron, I’m just a socially inept moron when it comes to dealing with my feelings and my future. When we were breaking up I told myself that you had been preparing for this most likely and it really does feel that way. I just got kicked while I was already down by life and everything that went down with us made it go further and further to the lowest point of my life. Difference this time is I’m actually trying to seek help and being proactive about it. But god dude I really can’t fucking do it. Every day I crave death, every day I want to not wake up, every day I just want to not be on this earth. Especially when my brain actively fights against me. Zoning out, losing focus, feeling like I’m existing but not existing just gets stronger and stronger and finding the right combination of medication sucks. Even when I write my feelings out I have to go back because a new thought arises and I feel that if I don’t say it I will simply ignore it now and it’ll make me worse. I didn’t think about these things before I just let them be, maybe that’s why I was so bad about loving you and maybe that’s why I did all the stupid shit I did as coping mechanisms with no fucking thought into aside from dopamine good. Fuck it killed me that you said that I only liked being in a relationship to feel good. Like that one fucking hurt. In retrospect it hurts even more because I don’t even know where I begin anymore. Was my desire to move to Owosso? Probably not, would I have lived there with you? Yeah I think so. When I think about it I should have just worked here saved money and job hunted there and moved. Move with a job figure it out together. That’s such an easier way to go about this. Like now I’m sitting here thinking you’re probably going to move in with the person you’re seeing now and that just kills me.

It fucking ruins me. That could have been me if I wasn’t like this, if I wasn’t such a let down. If I wasn’t so fucking inept and moronic. If I had better control over my symptoms. If I was a fighter still. That could have been fucking me. I don’t know when I got tired of fighting I know I told you that I would fight for you no matter what. Maybe I should’ve explained myself better, maybe I should’ve said every feeling I had or thought.

It’s funny I still have the talk about what happened with my family when you were here. I haven’t changed my tune, but the thing that echoes is that you think I deferred to them and didn’t defend you. I did. Constantly, I still do because I get it. I understood what they were asking was outrageous for one, secondly the only reason why it seemed like I backed down was just that I dropped the conversation because it was wasting my energy. They weren’t going to change their mind or see my side of it or yours. I wish you gave me credit for that because it wasn’t that I wanted to give them room but there’s only so much I can do when I’m staying here not on my dime. That trip made me want the power to have my own way, there problem is grasping for it because of my fucked wiring in my brain.

Fuck I can ruminate forever about this because I didn’t get to say all of this. I didn’t get to say that it wasn’t that I wasn’t into you, legitimately my adhd is that bad that I just fucking had issues focusing on the fucking present unless I’m tasked. It made so much fucking sense at why I was able to do some things decently when we did things and other things were just a struggle. That combined with my specific set of illnesses affecting that area it was just a disaster and honestly? I fucking hated myself for it, I ruined it for me because I didn’t take care of my depression — my health — my adhd. Don’t get me wrong I treasure the moment still but fuck did I approach it like an idiot too. There are so many things I could’ve clarified with you about that topic that I didn’t really think to. Because I’m dumb and overlook shit like this and detail.

God dude I just really do want to not exist, I can’t do this. I was extremely dependent on you and I don’t know if you knew this or not. I only got the strength to keep going because of you because not even going to lie I had already mentally checked out by the time we met. Just thinking of work, eat, sleep, repeat for the rest of my life. I can’t do that now though. But I have to fix my brain and myself if I want to do something more than just sit here and be sad about what was lost. I need to. Wanting to die like this badly isn’t something that was a thing for me as much. It’s only been a thing since I got sick. I mean fuck the November I saw you I literally felt a new lease on life even though we argued on some things. I still felt closer to you. I’m really sorry I broke the way I did when you needed me the most. I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I’m sorry I didn’t push more to be there. I am sorry that I am like this, I really am trying my hardest and I did try my hardest. If I knew all of this about me sooner I would have tried even fucking harder maybe for nothing maybe it would work. It’s too late to know that so I am just sorry but I know this doesn’t mean anything. I know you’re happy with someone else. I know your life is moving forward. I know you’re growing. I know you’re just enjoying what you can and whatever time you got. I know that I created this distance so I’m just sorry about everything.

God I’m so fucking pathetic