#AND PLEASE URSELF AT THE SAME TIME /LEAVE/

[kiesbrainjuice]

— FAV HQ BOYS WITH THIS TREND !

pr : timeskip!bokuto x fem!reader; timeskip!suna x fem!reader; timeskip!kageyama x fem!reader; nekoma!kuroo x fem!reader; timeskip!atsumu x fem!reader.

syn : you show your boyfriend a trending photo pose. After some playful banter, you both decide to try recreating the pose.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

wc : 3.5k

tw : no noya and kenma :(( suggestive talks and ends, fluff ! credit pic : srkork on insta

— BOKUTO KOTARO

The lazy Sunday afternoon stretched out before us like a cat in a sunbeam. Outside, the world was alive with the gentle rustle of leaves and the distant chatter of neighbors enjoying the warm weather. But inside our cozy apartment, time seemed to slow to a delicious crawl.

Bokuto Koutarou and I were sprawled across our bed, a tangle of limbs and laughter. The late afternoon sun filtered through our fluttering curtains, painting everything in a soft, golden glow. It caught in Bokuto's wild silver hair, making it shine like a haphazard halo. I couldn't help but marvel at how even in this state of complete relaxation, he managed to look like he'd just stepped off a volleyball court – his muscular arm draped over my waist, a reminder of the power coiled within his laid-back frame.

We'd spent the morning in a whirlwind of activity – a impromptu volleyball match with friends that had turned into a picnic, which had then evolved into a competitive round of frisbee. By the time we made it home, we were pleasantly exhausted, content to lounge in comfortable silence.

Now, we were both absorbed in our phones, sharing the occasional meme or funny video. Bokuto's laughter, when it erupted, was like a sudden thunderclap – loud, infectious, and impossible to ignore. It never failed to make me smile, even when I had no idea what had tickled him so.

I was idly scrolling through Pinterest, looking for new recipe ideas (though knowing full well that Bokuto would eat anything I put in front of him with the same enthusiastic gusto), when a particular image caught my eye. It was edgy, provocative, and unlike anything we'd ever tried before.

"Bo," I said, gently nudging his ribs with my elbow. "look at this. It's pretty nice."

He rolled over, nearly crushing me in the process, his golden eyes bright with curiosity. "What's up, babe? Found another cute owl video?"

I shook my head, angling my phone so he could see the screen. "Nah, it's this new photo trend. Check it out."

The image showed a couple taking a selfie, but with a twist. The guy had his arm around the girl's neck, pretending to choke her in what was meant to be an sexy, edgy pose. It was provocative, to say the least.

Bokuto's eyebrows shot up, disappearing into his messy fringe. "Whoa, hold up! Is he trying to choke her or something? That's...weird!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his reaction. You could see the confusion on his face. Bokuto was usually up for anything, but this clearly threw him for a loop. "No, no, it's not real choking," you explained. "It's just for the picture, to make it look sexy and l possessive."

He scratched his head, his expression a mix of bewilderment and amusement. "I dunno, baby… It looks kinda weird. What if I really choke you with those strong arms of mine?"

You turned to face him, your eyes twinkling with mischief. "Come onnnn, Bo. You could look sexy and scary! You're like a big, cuddly owl."

He puffed out his chest, trying to look offended but failing miserably. "Hey! I can be sexy and scary when I want to be!"

You laughed, poking his cheek. "Sure you can, tough guy. So, do it for me!"

Bokuto's face scrunched up in thought for a moment before breaking into a grin. "Alright, let's do it baby! But if i choke you, we're deleting it and I’m killing myself, okay?"

You grinned back, relieved. "Deal. And hey, if it doesn't work out, do not kill urself please, Bo."

"If you ask!" he exclaimed, his eyes lighting up. "But even if you have the picture don’t post it!"

You couldn't help but laugh at his enthusiasm. "Of course I won’t, Bo. Let's start with this and see how it goes."

After your initial attempt, you had an idea. "Hey Bo, let's try using the mirror length for the picture.”

Bokuto's eyes lit up. "Ooh, yeah! We can see more of us that way!"

You scrambled off the bed and positioned yourselves in front of the mirror. It was then that you really noticed what Bokuto was wearing - one of his compression shirts that he usually wore for volleyball practice. The tight black fabric clung to every contour of his muscular torso, accentuating his broad shoulders and defined chest.

You couldn't help but stare for a moment. Even after all this time, the sight of him like this still made your heart race. "Uh, Bo? Have you always looked this good in that shirt?"

He glanced down at himself, then back at you with a mischievous grin. "Oh? Like what you see, huh?"

You felt a blush creeping up your cheeks. "Maybe. Just a little."

Bokuto flexed playfully, striking a pose. "Well, I did just finish a workout this morning. Gotta keep in shape for my number one!"

You laughed, shaking your head. "Alright, muscles, let's focus on the photo. Same pose as the pic?"

He nodded, moving behind you and wrapping his arm around your neck. This time, you could feel the warmth of his chest against my back, the firm pressure of his muscles through the thin fabric of his shirt. It was... distracting, to say the least.

"Ready?"You asked, trying to keep my voice steady as you held up your phone.

"Ready!" Bokuto replied, his breath tickling your ear.

You snapped the picture, capturing your reflection in the mirror. Bokuto's arm was around your neck, his intense "game face" expression in full effect. But what really stood out was the contrast between you both - his powerful, athletic frame in that form-fitting shirt, next to your smaller figure.

As soon as the picture was taken, Bokuto's serious expression melted into a grin. He peered over your shoulder at the phone screen. "Wow! We look good, don't we?"

You nodded, a little breathless. "Yeah, we do. Especially you in that shirt. Maybe you should wear it more often."

Bokuto's grin widened. "Oh? I thought you liked my owl-print t-shirts better…"

You turned in his arms, looking up at him. "Let's just say both have their merits! But right now, I'm definitely appreciating this one."

You handed him the phone to show him the photo you took. his eyes opened wider and he felt quite aroused by the photo of you surrounded by his arm. “w-wow, you turn me on…”

But he tried to get over it and leaned down, pressing his forehead against yours. "Noted. So, another picture, or...?"

You smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck. "I think we've got enough pictures for now. How about we find something else to do…?"

Bokuto's golden eyes sparkled with mischief. "I might have a few ideas…"

As he leaned in for a kiss you chuckled into it…

— SUNA RINTAROU

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. The sun was shining bright outside, and a cool breeze was blowing. In your room, everything felt slow and peaceful. It was the kind of quiet that feels good when you're with someone you really like.

Suna, your boyfriend, was lying on your bed, looking relaxed. His eyes were half-closed as he looked at his phone. The sun made his face look nice, showing off his sharp jaw and the small smile on his lips. You couldn't help but stare a little.

You were both doing your own thing, but still felt close. Sometimes Suna would laugh at something on his phone, or you'd say something small. It felt nice and normal. In these quiet times, you felt closest to Suna. He looked softer than usual, and you could see how much he cared even if he didn't say it.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

"baby," you said, breaking the comfortable silence. "look at this."

He rolled onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow. His eyes, usually half-lidded, showed a flicker of interest. "What's up?"

You showed him the picture on your phone - a couple doing the possessive choking pose with the muscular arm for a selfie. "It's this new photo trend. Kind of sexy, don't you think?"

Suna's eyebrows raised slightly, the most expression you'd seen from him all afternoon. "Huh? Interesting choice for a couples photo…"

You could see the wheels turning in his head as he analyzed the image. Suna was always observant, probably already picking up on details you'd missed.

"Wanna try it?" you asked, a hint of challenge in your voice.

He looked at you, then back at the phone, a small smirk playing on his lips. "You sure about that? I don't think you could pull off the 'dramatically choked' look. You'd probably start laughing."

You felt a blush creep up your cheeks. He knew you too well. "Oh, c’mon. I can be serious when I want to be!"

Suna sat up, his movements fluid and graceful. "Alright, let's see it then. Your ‘serious’ face."

You tried your best to look serious and dramatic, but you could feel your lips twitching, fighting back a smile.

Suna's smirk grew wider. "Yeah, that's what I thought. Very intimidating."

You grabbed a pillow and tossed it at him, which he easily dodged. "It’s your fault, your face makes me laugh! How about you show me how it's done?"

He shrugged, but you could see a glimmer of competitive spirit in his eyes. "Well thanks…” he sighed and raised his eyebrows ”And sure, why not. Could be interesting."

You positioned yourselves in front of the mirror. Suna stood behind you, his arm loosely draped around your neck. Even in this silly pose, you could feel the quiet strength in his lean muscles.

"Ready?" you asked, holding up your phone.

Suna nodded, his face transforming into an intense, focused expression that you usually only saw during volleyball matches. It was almost unnerving how quickly he could switch it on.

You snapped the picture, capturing your reflection. Suna's intense muscular arm bore into the camera, a stark contrast to your slightly flustered expression.

As soon as the picture was taken, Suna's arm relaxed back into its usual demeanor. He peered at the phone screen over your shoulder.

"Not bad," he said, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Though I think we just proved my point about your serious face, baby."

You elbowed him gently in the ribs. "shut up. Not everyone can go from zero to intimidating in half a second like you."

He wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. "It's a gift," he deadpanned, but you could hear the smile in his voice.

You leaned back into him, enjoying the warmth of his embrace. "So, what do you think? Should we post it?"

Suna was quiet for a moment, considering. "Nah," he finally said. "Let's keep this one just for us. It's more sexy that way."

You smiled, turning in his arms to face him. "You know, for someone who acts so aloof, you can be pretty sweet sometimes."

He rolled his eyes, but you caught the faint blush on his cheeks. "Don't go spreading that around. I have a reputation to maintain. And look at you in my so-muscular arm…"

As you leaned in to kiss him, “I look pretty hot like that…”

— TOBIO KAGEYAMA

It was a rare day off from volleyball practice. You and Tobio were in your living room, trying to relax. The TV was on, playing a volleyball match, but neither of you was really watching. Tobio sat on the couch, his posture a bit stiff, eyes darting between his phone and the TV screen.

"baby," you said, gently nudging his arm. "look at this."

He turned to you, his intense blue eyes focusing. "What is it?"

You showed him your phone screen - a picture of a couple doing the possessive choking pose for a selfie. "It's a new photo trend. Kind of sexy, right?"

Tobio's brow furrowed as he stared at the image. "Why would anyone want a picture like that?" he asked bluntly.

You couldn't help but smile at his typical straightforward response. "I guess some people think it looks sexy or possessive, like me. Want to try it? Just for fun?"

He looked confused for a moment. "Is this important to you?"

"Noooo," you admitted. "I just thought it might be fun to see how it turns out. Be please baby!"

Tobio hesitated, then nodded with a sigh. "Okay. If it'll make you happy..."

You both stood up and moved in front of the mirror. Tobio proudly put his muscular arm around your neck, and started flexing to show off his muscles, which made you chuckle a bit.

"Tobio, can you hold less tight," you said, a hint of teasing in your voice. "I know already how you are muscular, don’t worry baby."

He adjusted his grip slightly, his face a mix of concentration and redness. "L-like this?"

"Perfect. Now pose for me, baby."

Tobio's expression immediately changed to his game face - eyes sharp and focused, jaw set. It was almost scary how quickly he could switch it on.

You snapped the picture quickly. As soon as it was done, Tobio dropped his arm and stepped back, looking relieved.

Looking at the photo, you couldn't help but chuckle. Tobio's intense muscular and flexed arm next to your slightly amused smile was quite a sight.

"What's so funny?" Tobio asked, peering at the screen while chuckling.

"Just us, baby," you said, still smiling. "We look so serious. It's kind of sexy actually, don't you think?"

Tobio's cheeks turned slightly pink. "It's... different," he mumbled. "But I like how you are in my arm like that..."

You felt a warmth in your chest at his honesty. "Me too, baby. How about we take a nice, cozy pic now?"

He nodded, a small smile tugging at his lips. "Okay. But no more weird poses."

As you cuddled up to take a regular selfie, you kissed his cheek “I love you, Tobio.”

— KUROO TETSURO

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon at training camp. You were sitting on the grass outside the gym, enjoying a brief respite from the intense volleyball practices. Kuroo sauntered over, his trademark messy hair even more disheveled than usual, and flopped down beside you with a dramatic sigh.

"Exhausted already, captain?" you teased, poking his side.

He flashed you his signature smirk. "Me? Never. Just giving the others a chance to catch up."

You rolled your eyes fondly. "Sure, keep telling yourself that. Hey, check this out."

You showed him your phone screen - a picture of a couple doing the possessive choking pose for a selfie. "It's some new photo trend. Pretty hot, huh?"

Kuroo's eyes lit up with mischief. "Oh? Trying to tell me something, kitten? Didn't know you were into that kind of thing..."

You felt your cheeks heat up as he leaned close to your face, brushing your lips with his at the end of his sentence. "Tetsu! It's not like that. It's just supposed to be…artistic or whatever."

He chuckled, leaning in closer. "Relax, I'm just teasing. Though I gotta say, it does look nice for us. Wanna try?"

You blinked, surprised by his enthusiasm. "Really? You don't think it's too weird?"

Kuroo shrugged, his smirk softening into a genuine smile. "Hey, I'm always up for trying new things with you! Plus, it could be fun to mess with the team later."

You couldn't help but laugh. "You're impossible. Alright, let's do it and my arm is muscular, I could show you..."

You both stood up and moved to a nearby wall. Kuroo positioned himself behind you, his flexed arm draped around your neck. You could feel the warmth of his chest against your back, and it was... distracting, to say the least.

"Ready?" he murmured, his breath tickling your ear when he leaned down just to adjust right after.

You nodded, trying to keep your composure as you held up your phone. "Okay, try to look hot."

“Try?? I don’t even need to try!” He acted offended. Kuroo's expression immediately transformed into his focused game face, the one that always sent shivers down opponents' spines. It was almost unnerving how quickly he could switch it on.

You snapped the picture, then turned in Kuroo's arms to look at it together. The contrast between his muscular arm and your slightly flustered expression was striking.

"Well, well," Kuroo said, his voice low and teasing. "Looks like my arm is so hot, don't you think? Though I gotta say, you look hot under the collar there, kitten. Was it something I did?"

You elbowed him gently, but couldn't help smiling. "Oh, shut up. You're such a tease."

He laughed, pulling you closer. "You love it though, admit it, baby."

You leaned into him, enjoying his warmth. "Maybe. But don't let it go to your head. It's big enough as it is."

Kuroo gasped in mock offense. "My head is perfectly proportional, thank you very much. Anyway, now I can show to everyone that you’re mine…"

He kissed your lips with hunger, but you pushed him back gently. “Not here…”

He took your hand and brings you up, the silly photo forgotten for the moment.

— ATSUMU MIYA

The MSBY Black Jackals' training facility was quieter than usual, the usual squeaks of shoes on polished floors and the thunderous impacts of spikes replaced by a lazy afternoon lull. Most of the team had already left for the day, their energy spent on grueling drills and practice matches. The air still held a faint scent of sweat, mingled with the sharp tang of air salonpas.

You had been waiting for what felt like hours, alternating between watching Atsumu's extra practice through the gym windows of the lounge area and idly scrolling through your phone. It was a familiar routine - Atsumu pushing himself just a little further, always chasing that perfect set, while you patiently waited, a silent pillar of support. The sun had begun its descent, casting long shadows across the lounge area where you sat, when you finally heard the telltale sound of the gym doors opening and Atsumu's distinctive footsteps approaching.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

"Oi, still hanging around?" he called out, a smirk playing on his lips.

You looked up, matching his smirk. "Someone's gotta make sure you don't overwork yourself, the Pro Athlete."

Walking behind you to give you a shoulder massage for a few seconds and kiss you on the mouth from behind, he stopped by to sit on the sofa in the lounge next to you to cuddle slightly.

Atsumu plopped down next to you, peering at your phone. "Whatcha looking at? Better not be Tobio-kun's serves again."

You snorted. "As if. No, look at this trend."

You showed him the picture of the couple doing the possessive choking pose. Atsumu's eyebrows shot up.

"Well, ain't that something," he drawled. "People really do anything for likes these days, huh?"

"Says the guy who spent an hour perfecting his hair for his official team photo," you retorted.

Atsumu clutched his chest in mock hurt. "Your wounds cut deep, ya know that?"

You laughed, then had an idea. "Hey, we should try it."

"Try what? You wanna make out here, huh?" Atsumu looked skeptical but was ready to jump on you if you nodded, which you didn’t.

"The pose, dummy. Could be funny."

Atsumu's eyes glinted with mischief. "Oh? You want me to manhandle you for the 'gram? Kinky."

You felt your face heat up as you gently push his head of your shoulder to face him. "Shut up, 'Tsumu. You in or not?"

"'Course I'm in. Can't let my baby down, can I?"

You both stood up, moving to a clear wall. Atsumu positioned himself behind you, his flexed arm tight around your neck.

"Ready when you are, darlin'," he murmured close to your ear.

You suppressed a shiver. "Okay, press."

Atsumu's arm pressed your cheeks and flexed his muscles. You snapped the picture quickly before you could faint from blushing.

Looking at it together, you couldn't help but laugh. "We look ridiculous."

"Speak for yerself," Atsumu retorted. "I look dashingly hot."

You elbowed him playfully. "Your ego is showing, 'Tsumu."

He grinned, pulling you closer. "Ya love it though."

As you leaned into him, he carried you like a princess to the lounge sofa: he had locked the door…

pic :

Ⓡ kiesbrainjuice all rights reserved. please to not plagiarize, repost, or translate !

tag : @haechansbbg

[huellitaa]

girl's guide to academic success: ep 1! ⊹˚. ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 this post focuses on: actively rooting for success! ♡ part 2 -> ♡

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 1. organisation

first off, have something to organise ur academic life with! i personally use notion (which i'll add later) but u can use anything as long as it's cute, convenient, unique and accessible to you, your life and your schedule specifically. especially as a visual learner, i like to have somewhere i can dump literally everything regarding a singular area in my life, so i do this for almost everything along with school and i highly recommend this <3

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 2. recognition of talents & improvements

analyse your strengths and weaknesses. think back on tests, exams, marks, and analyse which ones you got highest and lowest on. dont beat urself up for it, obviously; it's just to check which subjects you're doing good in and which ones have room for improvement. for example i love science but im not the best at it sometimes and we had an assessment recently and i didn't get as high as i'd like so i wrote down a little list on a piece of paper in my pencilcase for the topics i got the least in for me to study on my own to practise later.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 3. laying out goals

set down specific goals; i like to do this week by week accustomed to my schedule that week in my school notion page along with images and vision boards based on the term/semester, but you can do it for the week, the month, the year, anything as long as its helpful to you

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 4. productive planning

plan accordingly based on ur time energy. when creating any to do list or productivity plan dont pile a ridiculous amount onto it that just leaves you stressed and overwhelmed because that defeats the entire point; this works the same for academic plans and goals and lists etc.

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 5. extra credit

put extra work in to the subjects you know will help you in the future. for example, for my personal aspirations i need to excel in english, history and textiles so i always try my absolute hardest and put my all into those lessons and do extra studying for them in my free time where i can. school is to prepare you for the future so take advantage of that

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 6. asking questions

please don't be shy to ask questions! that's what teachers are there for and you won't have them forever so take advantage of it while you can! you can even do it in that little window of time just after class if ur too nervous to ask in class. for example, on my last english exam i went to my teacher after class and asked about what i needed to improve on to get the marks i missed next time, and he told me i added too much detail and some other things so i wrote it down and am keeping a note of it to remind me to improve on that next time! (i got top of my class though so i didnt mind. still kind of pissed i added too much detail though)

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 7. participation

participate! ok im saying this as someone who still struggles with social anxiety a fair amount but if u wanna get higher marks and get on good terms w ur teacher i 100% recommend this. i don't do this in every class but i do it where i can and when i'm confident in my answer, and it's really intimidating at first but what i did is i did it first in the classes i felt most comfortable on and continued from there. it gets easier every time i swear, and nobody's judging you; they'll forget about it after five minutes. plus, what would they be judging you for? being smarter than them?

🧸𓂃 ࣪˖ 8. prioritising ur health

this is mentioned a lot in these types of posts but if you're tired or burnt out or overworked or just feel like you need to take a break then do. do the best you can and compromise like i said earlier if you need to, just make sure u are prioritising yourself over anything. <3

──★ ˙ ̟🎀inspo

──★ ˙ ̟🎀my notion

i also really recommend this layout by @honeytonedhottie ♡

all my love 🩷✨💬🎀💗

[onlyswan]

dreamboat | jjk (2)

summary: aboard the dreamboat, jungkook finds himself drawn to a beautiful stranger who appears to be drowning in melancholy. weeks later, he sees her face on the other side of the aquarium at his apartment building’s lobby. he soon learns that it’s not fate’s grand romantic plans that brought you back to his life. / (alt.) / a shipwreck and a dreamboat form an unusual bond in an aquarium.

non!idoljk x f!reader (jk is a business major who works at the amusement park ; oc works at the call center) / strangers to lovers / fluff, angst, suggestive / chapter wc: 15.9k / total fic wc: 30.8k

warnings/content (for full fic): is it an onlyswan fic if nobody cries? ; smoking ; making out ; mention of nude art ; mention of flashing ; panic attack ; a ghost cameo lol ; s*x scandal ; abuse of authority ; harrassment ; jk throws a punch once ; oc drives a motorbike without a helmet once ; vminjin + yeontan cameos :3 ; tae and jk are the same age tho

<- part one (wc: 14.9k) | spotify playlist (open to song recs <3)

note: yaaay full fic is out 🥹💕 i’ve been so attached to these two for the past month i’m gonna miss them sm :( reblogs and feedback are appreciated i’d love to hear your thoughts 🥺 p.s. it does get pretty heavy so pls take care of urself while reading 🫂 hugs and kisses

—

jungkook lets out a big yawn, removing his glasses so he can wipe off the sleepy tears from his eyes. his phone pings with new text messages and he peers down at the table to read them. 

  01:18am

stop texting.

why are you still awake? you have that big presentation tomorrow. 

you need your brain functioning at full capacity so you can answer the prof’s questions.

he types out his response.

  01:20am

i want to sleep too but i’m not yet done practicing 🥲

if you’re on a mission to make him fall hopelessly in love, it would be safe to say that you’re succeeding. instead of being a distraction, here you are showing concern for his health and motivating him about his studies. he’s not used to having this kind of dynamic with the people he likes. usually he’d be stubborn and stay on his phone, but he puts it down so he can refocus on his slides. he’s excited to do his presentation well and gush about it with you at the end of the day.

twenty minutes later, a rapping at the door disrupts his concentration. 

“he better not be drunk.” he grumbles on his way to the door.

no one else would disturb him at this time but taehyung. 

but it’s not taehyung.

it’s you. 

“i didn’t wake you, did i?” 

“no, no- i was still-” he takes a glimpse at his messy desk. “practicing for the presentation… uhm, i thought you were at work?”

“we don’t have work today.”

you nonchalantly bring out a glass full of green goop from your back, encouraging him to take it.

“here, drink this.”

he stares at it in bewilderment as he slowly accepts it. “what’s this?”

“bedtime smoothie.” 

you sense his disgust and foreboding.

“there’s bananas and cherry juice in there.”

that knowledge emboldens him to take a sip. he licks off the mustache it leaves on top of his lips. “hmm, not bad!” 

“i told you so.” you send him a tight-lipped smile which disappears in two seconds. “do you want some help practicing?”

“oh, that’s right.” his eyes widen. “you’re good at speaking!”

he steps aside so you can pass through the narrow entrance. 

“please come in.”

jungkook is compelled to make himself clear. he hasn’t invested on a shelf. never found the time. his room may look like a mess to an outsider’s eyes but he has an organized system and he’s incredibly resourceful. 

“jungkook… you can’t live like this.”

is it that bad?

his jaw slacks when you pick up a plastic bag on the floor and begin throwing in the scattered empty cans and bottles of caffeine on and around his desk, including the one he hasn’t finished drinking yet. that— he won’t win defending.

“you’ll die at this rate.” you rebuke him calmly. “do you even drink water?” 

“of course i do!” he proceeds to drink the smoothie you made for him. “but you drink a lot of coffee too.”

“not anymore,” you head to his fridge after dumping the plastic bag in the trash. “i’m already adjusted to my job… i’m taking these.”

you bring out the two remaining cans of energy drinks and stuff them into the pocket of your hoodie. 

“you can’t just take them!”

you ignore his protest. “is the smoothie good? you like it, right?”

his shoulders deflate in defeat. he takes another gulp and swallows, nodding happily. “i like it.” 

“then i’ll make you an energy-boosting one when you need it. i received fruit baskets at work. they’d only go bad if i try to eat everything alone.” 

“sounds like a sweet deal,” he grins. 

he’s definitely not complaining. the artificial flavoring of the energy drinks pale in comparison to the real thing. 

“okay, let’s get started then.” you pad over to his desk. 

you hand him his laptop which is displaying his powerpoint before making yourself comfortable on his chair. 

he stands infront of you awkwardly. “we’re really doing this?”

“we are,” you reply curtly, sinking further into the chair. it’s a pretty big chair, even for him. it’s endearing to see you play around with it. “are you nervous? you can’t be nervous.”

“i’m not,” he lies. “i’m a professional!” 

you have no idea that you make him more nervous than having forty other people in the same room. 

he sighs. “hold this for me then.”

you take the glass into your hands, sipping a little. he clears his throat and pretends that didn’t affect him at all. 

“okay, let’s start… good mor-”

“wait-” you shake your head, demandingly waving your hand to the right. “wrong slide.”

—

 

“where are you? i thought you were going to help me with my project?” 

jimin, a friend he met through a school organization two years ago, begins coughing dramatically over the phone. “jungkook, i’m sorry. i’m feeling under the weather.”

jungkook grimaces, stopping on his tracks to berate him. “hyung, i can hear the dj music!”

“ah, yes…” he can practically hear the wheels in jimin’s brain turn. “actually, i’m about to leave the club! since i’m not feeling so well.”

“wow,” he huffs out a laugh. “you’re really terrible.”

“i’m serious! let’s reschedule tomorrow. i’ll buy you dinner so we can catch up too.” 

“fine,” he blows a loud breath. 

“i love you, jungkook-ah.” jimin proclaims with exaggerated affection. 

he makes a noise of disgust. “you’re really drunk.”

“oh, why aren’t you saying it back?” jimin angrily questions him. 

“maybe i will, after you buy me food.” 

“okay,” jimin cackles. “i’ll see you tomorrow then.” 

“okay, goodbye.”

he drops the call, still uncertain whether jimin was lying or not. either way, he gets a free meal and he no longer feels the need to complain.

he shrugs and continues his journey home. 

that is until he inhales the unmistakable scent of smoke from the alleyway. 

again, it could be anybody, but there’s a peculiar feeling that won’t let him move forward. deja vú is what they call it. it is often described as bittersweet, but jungkook is nervous. scared even. 

he doesn’t want his gut feeling to be right. 

he knows what your sobs sound like, their effect on him and his heart that is awfully weak when it comes to you, but he wants to be wrong so badly. 

right then and there, jungkook faces a dilemma.

those who hide do not want to be found. 

he has the choice to keep walking, pretend that he was never here. that it doesn’t hurt him to walk away. he can do what he failed to do the first time and not jump in to interpret your crying as a cry for help. 

he stands there like a fool waiting for the stars to spell out the correct answer for him to read. 

unfortunately for him, life doesn’t work that way and there isn’t even one to wish upon. 

you flicked his forehead and erased his memories. if he makes the same mistake twice, then maybe he can use that as an excuse to lessen the burden of regret. 

—

 

you flinch and lift your head in fear when something bumps against your knee, but that fear soon morphs into an entirely new fear when you perceive the person sitting infront of you. 

your bloodshot eyes make out jungkook’s features in the dim light. 

you’re no stranger to that look. you know what you look like. the cigarette tastes terrible, it doesn’t smell better with liquor either. there are teardrops on the ground and your sobs are caught in your throat and they come out as hiccups. you wouldn’t even dare to call yourself a mess, because scattered pieces of a broken whole float on the surface and sometimes miraculously wash ashore. you’re at the rock bottom being eaten alive and you’re not going anywhere else. 

“just walk away,” you croak out, pushing him away with the hand not holding the cigarette. 

he doesn’t budge. you don’t know if it’s because you’re too weak or he’s too strong. 

“i can’t leave you like this.” 

“you can,” you argue. 

“you don’t have to be alone. i’m here.” 

he holds your arms, coaxing you to recognize the sincerity in his eyes. those wide doe eyes, always shining when you reflect on their irises. you wish they could stay that way forever. you wish you could be at peace with that. 

“you can confide in me. you can use me. whatever you need to feel better. ____, please.” 

“you can’t help me.” you bluntly assert. before he begins begging. before he says more swoon-worthy words that would break down the walls you’ve built. “i appreciate the thought, but nothing you can do will make this better.” 

god knows that you’re yearning to hear them, but you still don’t know how much of it you can trust.  

“maybe i can!” he interjects. desperately. his grip on you tightens a little. it steadies your body as your mind and heart fall apart, but you feel suffocated. 

“jungkook, i don’t want to fight right now.” 

“if you just let me try, ____. i’m here for you. i swear i won’t pass judgement or-”  

“you can’t! okay? you can’t!” you break down, uncontrollable sobs making your words less coherent. “you’re just wasting your time!” 

with every morsel of strength you have left, you force yourself to stand up. an unnamed object clatters on the ground and you shove jungkook to the ground without meaning to. 

a combination of hurt and shock flashes across his face. you become racked with guilt.

however, this is what you wanted. this is for the best. you’re supposed to live a quiet life and not get too close with anyone, but you don’t cause a person this type of pain, and you don’t feel this guilty about it, if your hearts were never intertwined. 

you should be the one to walk away. 

every step you take to escape from him is heavy. you’re confused by the contradictions between your mind and heart and the last thing you need right now is confusing. what else can you do but run? 

jungkook wraps his arms around you from behind, stopping you on your tracks. 

“what are you doing?” 

the world stops for a little while.

“let g- let me go!” 

you struggle out of his embrace, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t disappointed he let you go so easily. 

“you think a hug’s going to make me feel better and fix my life? are you that naive…? wow, i envy you. if it was that easy, i wouldn’t be at this fucking dumpster with you!”

maybe you’re even angry that he did, pounding away at his chest with rigid fists to break his heart too. your throat is painful and rough from screaming but the thought of losing your voice doesn’t occur to you. apparently, you don’t care that you’re burning your lungs either. the world may very well end at this moment because that’s what it feels like. you have nothing left to lose but this vessel— and this vessel is heavy, worn-out, and incurable. 

you’re an overflowing sink of adrenaline rush, shaking and tearing apart at the seams.

“i never would’ve ruined my hair with this- this stupid color. i wouldn’t be getting cursed at by bigoted strangers because they hate my accent…” 

your forehead collapses on jungkook’s chest. a string of sobs follow the words that were forcefully uttered against your better judgment. you would’ve been fine after a smoke and a good cry, not processing anything so you can settle with being numb instead of jaded. 

“i’d still be studying. i’d become a doctor. i wouldn’t give a fuck about fishes and what they can and can’t eat.” 

—

 

for the first time, your laugh stabs him in the chest instead of making his heart flutter. 

“i’d be living a good life not being bombarded by someone who-” you hit his chest with every word spoken with gritted teeth. “wants to be the fucking hero. i don’t need you!” 

there’s no way. you don’t mean that. you’re just angry. jungkook convinces himself in his head as he openly takes the hits. he did say you could confide in him—use him—and you’re doing it right now. he just didn’t know he’d have to grow thicker skin on the spot to be what you need.

your icy glare pierces through him and renders him motionless. 

“you can’t do anything, so please, don’t feel bad for me.” you sneer. “it’s making me feel bad for you.” 

—

 

you’ve stormed off and jungkook stays right where you left him, wiping away his tears. the last time he cried was when his ex-girlfriend broke up with him. that was over a year ago, it only dawns on him now. 

you’ve been the only person in his mind since that one sunny june day. 

where he stands, the autumn winds are getting colder and the winter is fast approaching. 

just as fast your lives were weaved into a blooming wildflower did it also begin to wither. 

jungkook does want to save you, but he doesn’t want to be a hero. after all the time you’ve spent together, do you sincerely see him as someone who values self-interest most of all? the truth did come out, the snide truth, a bitter pill he can’t swallow. you don’t want to be here. he can’t save you. it can’t be possible when he’s part of the picture you can’t stomach to look at. 

“hyung,” he tries to be strong but his voice wavers, echoing the wretched state of him. “are you still at the club?” 

“i’ll turn on my location.” jimin responds without question, which jungkook is thankful for. “call me when you’re near. be safe, got it?”

“yes, hyung,” he ends the call. 

he inhales sharply, hoping that would alleviate the weight on his chest and allow him to move his feet. the heavy smell of burnt chemicals still hangs in the air. even after everything, he’s envious of the discarded stick of drug on the ground for having touched your lips. 

jungkook turns to leave, but is interrupted by a small object caught underneath his shoe. he picks it up for inspection— a blue lighter hand painted with a goldfish. 

he doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry. 

—

 

you woke up with a pounding headache, burdened with immense regret you assume. you deserve it. you don’t remember the exact words you said but you only scream when you don’t know what you’re talking about. you pushed away the only person who cared enough to sit with you in the dark. the line between right and wrong is blurring. you don’t know what you’re doing with your life anymore, if you’re doing anything so that it could be heading somewhere.  

you thought life couldn’t possibly get worse, but here you are anxiously nibbling at your nails as you wait for a man to reply to your texts because you’re scared of losing him.

  08:25am

jungkook i'm sorry about what happened last night i never meant to act that way and hurt you. i was out of my mind

i know you really care about me and i'm grateful for that

please forgive me

  09:13am

[attached image]

you gaze wistfully into the aquarium. the fishes swim around with considerably more energy after their breakfast, and it drives you to wonder if jungkook fed them dinner. last night was the first night you received no messages from jungkook, not even an image alone. 

“i think i fucked it up with your dad.”  

you spot dahlia, and clementine, and coral, and tangerine… blissfully unaware of you drowning in misery.

accordingly, the wildcard emerges from the shipwreck. it swims to you, the glass acting as the barrier that prevents it from kissing your nose. 

it doesn’t do this to jungkook, so you like to think that you’re special. you feel guilty that you failed to treat it the same.

“poor thing,” you hang your head in shame, sniffling. “we haven’t even named you yet.”

—

 

you learned from the new security guard on the night shift that jungkook requested for her to take over feeding for the meantime. three more days pass without any sign or trace of him, and yet you still send him your good morning pictures and you hang out at the lobby waiting for him to come home. 

he has to come home soon. 

he still lives here… right?

  11:47pm  

how long will you ignore me?  

where are you? i'll come to you   

please, let’s talk

 

you jolt on your seat when your phone vibrates with a ping!

  12:01am

jungkook:

meet me at the rooftop

 

you are charged with joy and relief as much as confusion. 

there’s… a rooftop? 

—

 

you stand at the door staring at jungkook’s back, gathering all courage to face him despite your shame eating away at you.

“i didn’t know tenants were allowed here.”

“we’re not,”

he looks back at you, and surprisingly enough, his charming smile melts away your anxiety. you can’t tell if that’s a good thing or bad thing. it’s not right for you to fall in love.

“why are you still standing there?” he chuckles. he sits on a low table with his legs crossed, feet tucked beneath his thighs. he pats the space next to him. “here, sit.” 

with a nod, you close the door behind you. you sit beside him, but with considerable distance, like the first time you sat next to each other. 

“the view is quite nice.”

in consideration of the time, you didn’t expect so many lights. they look like shining stars from where you are, only that you can actually reach for them if you try. you even spot a ferris wheel. although, you’re not certain if it’s from the amusement park jungkook works at.

“it is, isn’t it?”

“do you go up here often?”

“not since the aquarium became our spot.” 

our spot.

you smile to yourself, eyes falling on your lap as you mindlessly fiddle with your fingers. 

“i’m sorry… for what happened.” you pause to swallow the lump in your throat, breathing shakily. 

as ever, it’s difficult to apologize to someone and agree that there are dispensable parts of you. you’re scared that you might cry again infront of him. it never ends well. 

“i-i was having a bad day, and i didn’t want to drag you down with me. but i got overwhelmed by my emotions and i said words i didn’t mean. you didn’t deserve that. i’m sorry.” 

“hey, i understand.” he replies kindly. “it’s also my fault.”

“no, it’s not.” you jump in, not being able to stand him taking blame. “you’re a really good person, jungkook.”

he shakes his head. “i should’ve backed off when you told me to leave.” 

“but i do like being with you.” 

“and you mean that?”

he gazes at you with those endearing doe eyes. you look somewhere else to quell the funny feeling in your heart. 

“of course i do.”

jungkook crosses the distance between you, teasingly bumping his shoulder against yours. “i like being with you too.”

just an hour ago you thought you’d lost him, now he’s here effortlessly making you laugh. perhaps you do take life too seriously, submissive to fear. you weren’t always like this. you wish you could unlearn the new way that you function. 

“so do you forgive me or should i grovel more?” 

“i forgive you.” he rolls his eyes. “i’m not that mean.” 

“apparently i’m the mean one between us.”

“you are,” he chuckles, leaning back and balancing himself with his hands anchored behind on the table. 

for some sick reason, this new position of his leaves you hot and bothered. thankfully, you’ve mastered the art of maintaining a calm demeanor. albeit, it’s not always that you use it for this reason.

“you seriously hurt my feelings back there, you know that?”

“i’m so sorry. i’m really, really sorry.” you apologize more expressively within the more comfortable space the both of you created. “…when is your birthday?”

his forehead wrinkles in confusion at the random question. “why?”

“you’re my friend.” you point out. “we should know these things at least.”

“it’s on september one.” 

“what?!” 

he blinks innocently. “what?” 

“it’s already november!” you point out, taken aback by the fact that you totally missed it. “why didn’t you tell me?”

“you were busy with work. besides, it wasn’t a big deal. i just had beer and meat with my friends.” he shrugs, brushing it off. “when’s yours?”

you rise on your feet, dust off your bottom, and begin marching towards the door.

“where are you going…? yah, ____!”

“i need to do something.” you vaguely inform him, waving your hand. “stay there! wait for me!” 

—

 

“what’s taking so long?” jungkook thinks out loud, scratching his head. 

it’s been fifteen minutes since you left. you couldn’t have forgotten about him already, could you? that might hurt him worse than when you were screaming and punching his chest. he slept over at taehyung’s dorm for a few nights, hoping to find some peace and clarity within a different space, but he was pretty much ready to forgive you when you texted him to apologize, then followed it up with a photo of coral eating. however, taehyung went on and on about his wounded pride, and maybe he did want to see you grovel and feel that he is at some level of importance to you. 

he perks up when the door opens and your head pops out of nowhere, peeking. when did you put on a cap and face mask? did you go out? anyway, you’re so cute, he gushes to himself. 

“close your eyes!” 

“why would i do that?”

“just do it!” you demand with an angry pout. 

“okay, okay- fine!” he surrenders. “i’m closing them now.” 

“no peeking. i see your eyelashes moving.”

“how do you even see from there?!” 

he hears your scoff and the clicking of your shoes as you walk. “you’re not sleek, you know?” 

a series of rustling. a mystery object placed on the table. he gets a whiff of your perfume, powdery and fruity sweet, the next second, you’re tying a silk scarf over his eyes. 

“what’s happening?” he laughs nervously. 

he knows that is not what’s happening, but the impure thoughts enter his mind anyway. 

“i need a minute.” 

you sit beside him, your knee bumping against his. he hears more movements take place. 

“can i remove it now?”

“i said a minute.”

he frowns impatiently. “a minute has passed though.”

“no, it hasn’t.” you counter. “now hush and cover your ears.”

“cover my ears?” he repeats to make sure he heard you correctly.

“yes!”

“why?” he whines. “what is this about?”

“just do it, please?” you plead with him sweetly, covering his ears with your hands as if to demonstrate. 

and since he’s already too deep into this, he obeys your third instruction. he puts his hands over yours, and then you slip away, leaving him covering his ears the way that you wanted. 

“okay, you can look now!”

jungkook removes the scarf over his eyes, and discovers a sight so beautiful, he wants to cry that he can’t permanently capture it in a polaroid. 

this is the first time he’s seeing you in this light, the warm orange glow of birthday candles that paints you spellbinding golden. you’re beaming at him, with a rare smile that reaches your eyes, as you hold up a round chocolate cake topped by fresh strawberries.  

just when he thought it was impossible to fall in love with you harder, you begin singing the happy birthday song. instead of clapping, you sway your body ever so slowly and gracefully. what is arguably considered the jolliest song on earth, you transform into a soft lullaby— the kind that flies you to the night sky and tucks you into bed on the moon, gathers the fluffy clouds and handcrafts them into pillows and a blanket. your voice is light and delicate, sweet as candy. it is an instrument on its own and you do not need anything else. he never knew you were a good singer.

“happy birthday, dear jungkook~ happy birthday to you…” 

this is his best birthday yet, and it’s not even his actual birthday. 

jungkook is stupidly and hopelessly in love with you. 

he welcomes doom, hangs its coat, and pours it a hot cup of tea. 

“i hope you like chocolate. i fought someone for this.” you shyly confess with a laugh. “turns out there’s not many bakeries open at midnight.”

he is speechless. 

his gaze falls on your lap for a moment, where lies an opened plastic clamshell container, two strawberries too small compared to the ones decorating the cake. on the table, a fruit knife sits on top of the cake box. 

you even decorated the bare sides of the cake with half strawberries. he doesn’t think he has seen someone do that yet.  

“i- i like it so much.” he stutters. “you made the cake so pretty.” 

“thank you!” you beam at the compliment. “okay, time to make a wish.” 

he panics a little. he doesn’t know if it’s only a personal or perhaps a universal thing, but he tends to feel pressured when he has to make a birthday wish. he always wants a lot of things. 

“five candles means ‘i’m sorry and happy birthday’ by the way.”

but there is five candles, so maybe he is free to be greedy this time. 

he slowly flutters his eyes shut, and he takes his time to think. after whispering his wish to the universe, he blows out all of the candles. 

“what did you wish for?” 

there is five candles, but he only wished for one thing. 

“if i tell you…” he begins, transfixed eyes tracing down to your lips. “will you make it come true?” 

they part slightly as your chest begins to heave, cranberry stained and inviting. 

he yearns, he craves. he doesn’t want to live with regrets, haunted by the what if’s. all or nothing. you deserve his all. he surrenders everything to your court for the touch of your lips. 

are you thinking what he’s thinking? do you feel the way he does? 

tell him he’s not the only one losing his mind. please. 

and when your eyes lock, there is a palpable electricity none of you can deny. 

“it’s for your birthday. you don’t have to ask.” 

again, the best birthday ever.

without another word, he crosses the short distance, pressing his lips against yours. 

there is no fireworks like in the movies and fairytales. instead, he gets flashes of memories in his mind. all those awkward and comfortable moments, stolen glances, blushing and stuttering, captured images, sleepless nights, tears shed. even the bitter memories inserted make this kiss much sweeter. it’s infinitely better than he could’ve ever imagined. 

he removes his hand tenderly cupping your cheek, also the other that is anchored on the table, blindly searching until he successfully engulfs your delicate hands in his. he holds them, and the board carrying the cake, tightly. 

when you smile against his lips, so does he. you give him a firm peck, so hot that he almost falters on his seat, before breaking away. 

“let’s put this aside first.” you giggle, guiding your restless hands to set it down on the table. “you have chocolate all over your hand.” 

jungkook can hear you, but he’s not listening. he immediately goes for your lips again, and ends up sorely disappointed when you dodge him. 

“whoa, wait. you’ll smear chocolate on my face-”

“you said i don’t have to ask.” he argues.

you narrow your eyes at him.

he hurries with a solution. “i’ll keep my hands behind my back.” and true to his words, he acts as if his hands have been cuffed. 

“that works,” you shrug. 

he is to blame for his nasty torture when you drag yourself closer to him, draping your legs over his thighs and wrapping your arms around his neck. 

you’re practically sitting on his lap and he can’t touch you with his dirty hands. ridiculous.

there is the urge to complain, then lost and forgotten after you seal his lips with yours. he is the luckiest man on earth tonight.

—

 

“will you stay the night?”

jungkook’s cheeks are beginning to ache, but he can’t stop smiling for the life of him. how could he not? you’re lying on his bed, and this time you’re both under the covers. it can’t be more perfect than this, the way you’re mirroring each other. he’s admiring your face and you haven’t averted your eyes from his either. 

at this moment, it feels like nothing else in the world matters.

“if i’m being honest, i’m still scared of the ghost.”

“is he bothering you again?” he quirks an eyebrow, prepared to brawl with a bothersome spirit. he is suddenly aware that the lamp is the only source of light in the apartment. “do we turn on another light?”

“no,“ you chuckle at his reaction. “but he appeared in my dream once after that.”

“what about me?”

“you?” you send him a puzzled look.

he grins toothily. “do i appear in your dreams?”

that earns him a sarcastic roll of the eyes. 

“why is it suddenly about you?”

“i’m helping you get your mind off the ghost!”

“can we just… i don’t know…” you avoid his intense gaze, chewing on your bottom lip. “cuddle?”

this is real, right? he isn’t hallucinating? 

he already made out with you until the two of you couldn’t breathe. surely, cuddling is nothing compared to that… but he has pined for you for months. going from zero to a hundred is giving him emotional motion sickness. like a rollercoaster, but arguably more dangerous. and he shamelessly lives for that. 

“oh, so you got mad at me last week for hugging you but now you want to cuddle?” he mocks humorously. 

“change is the only constant in life.” you say as a matter of fact.

and jungkook isn’t very fond of that knowledge, but if it led you to his arms tonight, then he can try to make peace with it. 

he spreads his arms, and you push yourself close with an arm over his waist, until you’re properly hugging him and he has your body cocooned with his. 

he breathes out a sigh. this is heaven.

“so? have you dreamt of me?”

you make a noise of protest, cheek squished against his chest.

“come on, humor me.” he coaxes you into revelation. “it’s my birthday.”

“…we went on a ferris wheel once.“

“really? were we on a date?”

“i don’t remember.”

“what were we doing?” he continues poking.

“i don’t remember.”

“that’s it?” he grumbles. “you must remember something else.”

you giggle. “it was a long time ago, jungkook.”

“and you didn’t dream of me again after that?”

“stop,” you draw back just enough to see his face. “we have more important things to discuss.” 

jungkook gulps nervously. 

more important things like what? the meaning of that kiss…? um, kisses? the label of your relationship? are you really bringing it up right away like this? he imagined he would be the one to do it. 

“there’s one fish left without a name.”

oh… his face falls. 

“have you thought of one?”

“i have, but…” you jut out your bottom lip. “don’t we decide together?” 

beneath the stoic demeanor you parade around wearing, he realizes that you’re just like everybody else, craving to be held and to spend quality time with someone who makes you feel special. 

he doesn’t hold back on kissing you.

“we will!” he pinches your cheek, which brings out your smile. “i’ll tell you what i think.”

“that goldfish actually reminds me of you.”

“really?” 

you nod eagerly.

“how so?” 

“the both of you,” you giggle. “always follow me around.”

his jaw falls slack, not expecting to be called out like that. you’re having fun with the fact that he’s wrapped around your finger, huh?

“so you want to name it after me?” 

“something like that, but let’s make your name sound cute.”

you hum as the gears in your brain turn. on the other hand, jungkook is not thinking at all, he’s memorizing your face. maybe it’s an artist’s sickness aggravated when faced with the apple of their eye. 

“jung… kook…” you take a long pause, lips left in the shape ‘O’ due to the pronunciation of his name. “kook…?”

“you know, i do get called jungkookie sometimes.”

“jungkookie…?” you slowly repeat the nickname. 

seconds later, your face lights up. 

“then how about kookie? cookie but with-” you draw the letter into the thin air using your index finger. “a ‘k’?” 

jungkook is relieved that you instantly put two and two together. he didn’t want to be the one to suggest it. honestly, rather than a cute vibe, he’s going for the manly vibe. 

“it sounds so cute. what do you think?”

“i think so too!” 

as long as it makes you look this happy, he’d accept any name that you come up with. 

“okay, it’s official.” you return to cuddling up to him. “i can sleep peacefully from now on.” 

was that bothering you? you truly do care for them. he thinks you might care more than he does. 

“let’s sleep…” 

before closing his eyes, he plants an affectionate kiss on top of your head. the truth is he doesn’t want to sleep. if it was up to him, this moment would stretch into forever. as you slip into unconsciousness, he tries his damn hardest to resist it. he yawns, wipes his sleepy tears dry on the pillowcase, caresses your hair and forces his hand to move again when it falls on the bed. 

“jungkook?” 

he hears your voice in its tiniest form yet.

you’re still awake? 

he barely is anymore.

“mhmm?”

“i really am,” he feels a light tug at the back of his shirt, your weak hand forming a closed fist. “sorry.”

—

 

jungkook wakes up at 5am with his stomach grumbling for food. your positions shifted throughout the night and he lies there cuddling you from behind, spending five minutes or so dwelling on regrets. he pictures the cake in the fridge, still in pristine condition, and how different it could’ve been if he didn’t stop himself after three stolen strawberries. 

after that, he thinks about breakfast. rolled omelette would be amazing right now. he just stocked up on side dishes too. only problem is he forgot to buy eggs. 

who goes to the supermarket and somehow manages to miss the whole egg section? 

jeon jungkook, apparently. 

a challenge arises: getting out of bed without waking you up. he isn’t a novice, but he isn’t exactly an expert either. he figures it’s just based on luck, and he’s… very unlucky.

he manages to slip out the arm you’re using as a pillow, replacing it with a real one hoping that you wouldn’t notice the difference in your sleep. a second later and you’re already stretching out your limbs. 

“where are you going?” you utter raspily, swollen eyes from sleep peering at him.

“out- to buy eggs for breakfast.” he replies in a low voice.

you start to harshly rub off the sleep from your eyes. 

“i’ll go with you.”

“there’s no need.” he strokes your hair gently. “sleep more.”

you shake your head stubbornly. “i need to buy something too.”

you drag yourself off of the bed before he can stop you. from your toes down to the heel, you slightly stumble when your feet touch the ground.

“i’ll brush my teeth.”

—

 

once you and jungkook step out of the building, you both find that it’s still before sunrise, but the street lamps are already turned off. everything under the sky is washed with a shade of blue. it feels almost illegal to be here with no other souls walking the streets, but you can breathe a little easier, and you’re warm because jungkook is holding your hand inside the pocket of his jacket. 

what was supposed to be a stolen glance turns into an enamored gaze.

“you look pretty.” 

“so do you,” the two corners of your mouth lift into a quick, shy smile. 

“yah, jungkook!”

that’s taehyung’s voice.

his best friend approaches from the opposite direction, a pomeranian on a leash waddling and wagging its tail beside him. despite the distance, jungkook can already see his smirk poking fun at him. 

count on him to disrupt a perfectly romantic and peaceful moment.

as soon as they meet halfway, jungkook shows him a grimace. 

“what are you doing here?” 

“to return your camera,” he waves the silver film camera, its strap wrapped around his wrist. “i’m taking tannie on a walk so i decided i’d bring it over.”

“okay, give it and go on your way.” 

jungkook snatches it from him, wearing the camera around his wrist as the rightful owner. 

when taehyung finally sets his sight on you, jungkook’s fear of embarrassment instantly kicks in. if he says something stupid, he swears to god— he lets go of your hand in favor of putting his arm around your shoulder, gently tugging you closer to him. 

“you must be ____!” taehyung snaps his fingers when he, at last, recalls your name, which jungkook knows he’s grown tired of hearing. “nice to meet you! i’m taehyung.” 

“ah, yes…”

jungkook senses your awkwardness. he presses his lips into a thin line, sending his best friend a threatening glare that screams ‘i know i’m a hypocrite, but don’t embarrass me.’

“it’s nice to meet you too.” you offer him a polite bow. 

“yeontan seems to like you a lot.” taehyung laughs, gesturing at his dog who is nuzzling its face against your shin. 

jungkook also smiles in endearment. that’s another animal drawn to you for some unknown reason. he can’t say he’s surprised. 

“does he bite?” you cautiously ask.

“no, he’s nice. you can pet him.” 

you nod, bending down to gingerly scratch yeontan’s fluffy ears. “hello, yeontan.” you quietly greet him with a voice so sweet. 

“honestly, ____ looks familiar to me. have we met before?” 

“must be when she rode the dreamboat before.”

“i don’t think that’s it though?” taehyung tilts his head, still racking his memories for your face. “i think i saw her more recently, but maybe not with pink hair.”

you stiffen beside jungkook, knees going weak out of the blue. you straighten up, but you keep your head slightly bowed down, hair falling over your face. 

“that’s impossible. maybe it was someone who looks like her.” 

“ah, maybe,” 

taehyung rubs the back of his neck, giving in to the theory.

“alright then, tannie is getting hyper.” he snorts at his pet trying to run away but is held back by its leash. “see you around, ____! i’ll see you at work, bro!” 

“sorry about that.” jungkook intertwines your fingers again. “let’s go.”

he moves forward, and you get left behind. 

“____?”

his concern grows when he observes your despondent body language. 

“are you okay?” 

“huh? oh- i’m okay.” 

you snap out of it, but as you walk to the convenience store together, jungkook gets the impression that something is weighing on your mind. 

—

 

jungkook watches you move around the store through the viewfinder of his camera, zooming in on your face when you whip your head around. it fails to capture the countless packs of lozenges you’re hugging to your chest.

“miss ____, who are you buying so many candies for?” 

you blink down at them before innocently staring back at the camera. “they’re for my co-workers. it’s flu season so many of them are getting sick.” 

—

with the sun returning to reign over the vast sky, the shade of blue has been replaced by an orange hue. the two of you walk back to your apartment building in silence. he doesn’t know what’s wrong, if it’s his fault or not, but your mood changed after your encounter with taehyung. 

you’ve decided you want some space and jungkook respects that. the entire time, he thinks about how his hand feels empty without yours. is he being paranoid? he feels like he’s already woken up from a dream too good to be true, crafted out of his greatest fantasies, and he’s going to be thrust into a nightmare— learning that none of it was real. this endless push and pull with you, he’s grown to be somewhat ill at ease in your presence. 

he wants it to go away. 

he moves closer, content with the mere brush of the back of your fingers against his, but that small pleasure is robbed from him when you pull your hand away. 

“let’s stop here.” 

the decisive tone of your voice instantly fills him with dread. 

you turn to face him, and he searches your eyes for any trace of emotion. sadness, or fear, or even humor… but he gets nothing. 

“let’s stop seeing and texting each other.”

and he’s scared most of all when you’re impossible to read. just when he thought he had managed to slither past your walls, he is met by larger and stronger ones with welded spikes.

“what are you talking about?” 

“i don’t want anything to do with you anymore.” 

you said it like it’s nothing. like you haven’t consumed his every thought since he saw you crying and you broke his heart without him knowing your name. like you haven’t been breaking his heart over and over again and he still can’t bring himself to detach from you. 

“what is this joke? it’s not really funny.” 

but he laughs anyway, or else he’d start crying, and you’d want him less. 

“just forget all about me.” 

his muscles tense. even now, he doesn’t know if he’s angry, but he is lost and it hurts so much, and he doesn’t know how else to express it without appearing weak. 

“you think that’s something i can just do overnight?”

“what makes it so hard?” you raise your voice. the venom stings without the bite. “you don’t even know me that well!” 

“then what was last night even about?” he hisses, hands balling into fists. “did you do that just to fuck with my feelings? am i just a game to you? what the fuck is your problem, ____?”

“you told me to use you to make myself feel better!” 

it completely catches him off guard when you stomp your feet and produce guttural screams— it borders on a childish tantrum— you damage your throat in doing so, voice coming out high-pitched and scratched up. 

his jaw clenches, straining to hold back his tears. the sun has risen and you’ve come to your senses. he regrets opening his eyes and acknowledging the morning. 

“it didn’t work— is that what you’re saying? is that why you’re throwing me away?” 

he doesn’t get a verbal answer, but your glassy-eyed stare and labored breathing have answered enough. 

“wow, that hurts…” he chuckles sarcastically. “yah, seriously- i have to give it to you. i’m shocked… you’re good. you’re a good actor.” 

he uses his middle finger to wipe the corners of his eyes, acting as though they are tears of amusement.

“you know, out of everyone i liked… you have to be the most cruel.” 

jungkook’s pride has never been this crushed. he feels utterly infuriated and humiliated. yet another exchange of ‘i should have listened’ and ‘i told you so’ between him and his best friend. he’s also sick and tired of his heart leading him to the opposite direction of the love he deserves. 

“i hope you find some other lunatic who would let you use them too. have a good life.” 

this time around, he walks away, and he would like to think that he did it on his own terms. 

—

 

jungkook loses his appetite after that. he informs his manager that he won’t be able to go to work because he’s feeling under the weather, then he drags himself back to bed. 

your scent has clung to the pillowcase, the sheets… 

it’s unbearable.

despite his lack of energy, he forces himself to set up the extra bed on the floor. he expected himself to have difficulty falling asleep, but the amalgamation of physical and emotional exhaustion pulls him down under.

he wakes up again in the afternoon. he ignores the cake in the fridge, instead snacking on yogurt and crackers while watching a movie on his computer. he takes a long shower after and buries himself in assignments until dinner time rolls in. 

by this time, he assumes taehyung has blabbed about what he saw this morning. his friends must think he’s out here relishing in the honeymoon phase. how he wishes it was true. 

he has that whole carton of eggs but he doesn’t have it in him to cook anymore. maybe it’s best that he surrounds himself with people, disrupt his depressing thoughts with loud chatter, and so he makes plans to go to the street market. 

“wait!”

he sprints to the elevator, managing to slip his arm between the doors before they close entirely. 

under different circumstances, this would’ve been fate instead of bad luck.

—

you stand your ground as jungkook enters the elevator, not sparing him a glance. just like you wanted, he also treats you with indifference. it’s hard to breathe in an enclosed space with him now that he hates you. 

two girls from the eleventh floor enter; they stand infront of you and jungkook.

“did you find the video?” the girl infront of you, with the blonde hair, asks impatiently. 

“wait- i’m looking for it.” her friend, you assume, replies as she is focused on aggressively scrolling and tapping on her phone screen.

“having a sex scandal with your professor? wow, that’s really something. how does that even happen?” 

your blood runs cold.

from that statement alone, you can make an educated guess on what exactly they are talking about, but your brain tries to reject the thought. there are many scandals going around these days. maybe they’re talking about somebody else. you hope they are. does that make you a bad person?

“that’s not confirmed, though. the guy’s face doesn’t show in the video… oh, i found it!”

she presents her phone screen to the blonde-haired girl, and you feel as though gallons of ice have been dumped over your head. through the gap between their arms, you get a good view of your face. of the video you were forced to watch so you could acknowledge your sin… the video that not only damaged your reputation but stripped you away of everything. your dignity, your dreams, your people, the essence of your being. 

you don’t need to look to know that beside you, jungkook is also secretly watching. 

you’re trapped. 

“this was really popular at snu but it suddenly got spread outside. my cousin who studies there said the girl’s parents are like- super rich- and they tried to bribe the university, but she still got kicked out. i think her name is ____?”

you bow your head to hide your face, vision gradually going blurry. strangers drop your name so casually to tell the shortest life story known to man. they discard the majority of the parts, retain and distort what entertains them, and in the end, they decide who you are. 

you knew it was going to happen eventually, but this isn’t how you wanted jungkook to learn.

you didn’t want to be here for it. 

“wow, she’s going at it.”

a scandalized gasp. 

“no wonder men are going crazy over this. even the quality is-”

“insane, right?!” the storyteller whisper-shouts. 

“but… what if she doesn’t know she’s being recorded? getting kicked out sounds a bit unfair, no?” 

“no, no- she even holds the camera when they switch positions. watch!” 

you can’t. you can’t take it anymore. you turn away, squeezing your eyes shut in extreme anguish. 

you don’t realize that you’re shaking until jungkook holds your hand tightly, it’s almost crushing. 

“ah, what are you doing?! turn it off! turn it off! it’s too disgusting from this angle!” 

you look at him in shock, for a split moment you forgot he was there. his features have softened; so does your heart. 

although you can’t exactly figure out how he’s feeling, you’d take anything that isn’t disgust. 

the elevator reaches the ground floor. 

as the girls take their leave, you also attempt to step out— but jungkook doesn’t let you. he grips your hand tighter and he presses the button of your apartment floor. 

“why did you- i need to go to work…” you meant to chastise him, but your voice comes out small. 

“stay a little bit. it’s still early.” he speaks to you softly, wiping off the beads of cold sweat on your forehead. 

when did that happen? 

“no, i need to-” 

you feel dizzy; the walls are closing in on you. the turning of your stomach is bordering on intolerable. you lurch, pushing him away as you clamp a hand over your mouth and gag uncontrollably. you’ve had to experience this humiliation in school hallways, public spaces… in front of your friends, your parents; in the dean’s office. this is the first time your body is having this type of reaction; you feel physically sick, like your body is shutting down. 

he rubs your back as an effort to alleviate your ails. “are you okay?”

you could answer, but what’s the point? you’re breaking down in front of him again. you’re no longer the mystifying neighbor he obviously yet secretly cherishes. he has discovered the missing puzzle piece you could never bury even if you died trying. 

“did you enjoy it?”

“what?”

you wish he would stop looking at you with those big, sparkly eyes. at this moment, they’re making you feel small. 

“the video. was it fun watching it too?”

the silence is suffocating.

he utters your name. he doesn’t know what to say; you don’t know what you want to hear either.

“it doesn’t change the way i see you.”

“bullshit,” you spit out— a knee-jerk reaction. 

“look, i-i don’t know what happened but this isn’t right. you don’t deserve this. you can sue ever- wait! ____!”

the elevator opens and he chases after you, effectively blocking your path.

he has officially wore you down. 

“it’s not me,” you declare near to tears instead of pushing him away. “it’s not me, jungkook. i d-don’t know how they- they did it. i know it looks so real but it’s not me. i swear-”

and as an act of desperation, after months of having given up on proving it’s all some sort of well-orchestrated deception, your hands come up to the buttons of your blouse.

“it’s not my body.”

“no no no- you don’t have to do this! this isn’t right!” jungkook freaks out and binds your wrists with his hands, unwillingly using his strength on you when you fight back. he anxiously glances at the camera monitoring the hallway. “stop, stop-”

“i just need one person to believe me.”

“i believe you, okay?” he captures your wrists in one hand, the other tenderly caresses your cheek. “i believe you. i promise.”

he cradles your head on his shoulder, hugging you so tightly it almost feels like you’re one person.

“when the girl said you might not even know you were being recorded… the terrible thoughts i had- like what if he…” 

it’s too much alone in his head. he can’t bring himself to say it into the universe.

“but you didn’t get hurt, right? nothing like that happened? it’s not even real.” he sniffles, holding you tighter as if that is still possible. “that’s a relief… i mean- this, this is bad, what happened to you is. but i was scared.”

you remain there, dumbstruck and motionless. the line between standing and letting jungkook carry your weight has blurred. 

you wish he would never let you go.

—

 

jungkook brings you to his apartment, sits you down in the kitchen, and takes out his birthday cake from fridge. he conveniently finds two pairs of chopsticks in a plastic bag on the table and offers you one, which you accept without thinking. you think he understands that you don’t want to talk about it but you can’t be alone right now either. 

chocolate is supposed to help raise one’s spirit, doesn’t it?

well, it tastes delicious, and jungkook is with you. you feel a little less shitty. 

he can’t sit still, though. 

he cracks open the eggs he bought this morning into a bowl and starts chopping up vegetables to be mixed into it. all the while you sit and watch in silence. no, in peace. the rhythmic tapping of the knife against the chopping board is like music to your ears. even the sound of the oil crackling as he pours the beaten eggs into the frying pan. 

you abandon the endorphin-inducing treat on the table. you saunter over to jungkook in search of something else more associated with love, sneaking your arms around his torso. a tidal wave of relief washes over you. this feels more like resting, and you can’t believe you’re saying this, better than drugs. as it turns out, you’ve been homesick for a body you haven’t touched. a hug can’t fix your life, but it may convince you that it’s possible to survive an unfixable life. 

however, the key difference between jungkook and nicotine is that you can’t simply have jungkook because you want to. 

what he has unleashed upon you is greed.

“i’m sorry,” the more you apologize, the easier it becomes, but you’re also growing sick of it. “i didn’t mean what i said. i was scared of your reaction when you find out so i pushed you away… i keep taking you for granted. i’m sorry.” 

“it’s okay, i understand.” he rubs your forearm comfortingly. “just don’t do it again… it really hurt.” 

“i like you too.” you confess like you’re running out of time. 

you no longer have room for apprehension. you can’t gamble with your chances once more when there’s not much left. 

“i wasn’t playing with your feelings. up until earlier, i thought i’d never be able to let you know, so i’m doing it now. i like you.”

a chill runs along your spine. it feels immensely intimate— how jungkook slowly takes a hold of your hand and guides it to his soft lips, pressing a long kiss to your skin. 

“i like you too, a lot.” his laughter makes his body vibrate, waking up the slumbering butterflies in your stomach. “incase i haven’t made it obvious enough.”

—

“will you stay?”

you nod your head as you joyfully munch on your fresh homemade meal. “they’re already forcing me to use my vacation days anyway.”

he makes a noise of surprise. “you’ve never missed work?”

you shake your head no.

“rude clients aside, i like what i do. it helps me keep my mind off…” you wave the radish-bearing chopsticks. “things.” 

he only nods, ruffling your hair affectionately. “you should eat well, okay?”

“you too!” 

you feed him a big bite of your omelette, and then rice, and then kimchi. 

it results in stuffed cheeks and aggressive chewing, but you look especially happy watching him eat. jungkook assumes that it’s just how you express your affection, and it’s euphoria to be at the receiving end. 

—

you found your way back to where you were last night— jungkook’s warm bed. comfy pajamas and tangled limbs. everything went to shit after you left, so if you were to get stuck here forever, he wouldn’t disapprove. 

he listens to you talk as half of his mind is preoccupied by innocently kissing every inch of the exposed skin of your face and neck.

“i’m going to the salon tomorrow.”

he inwardly groans against your neck when your fingers card through his silky yet messy hair, twisting and tugging.

“what color should i color my hair? red? orange? brown?”

“red sounds really great?” he draws back in excitement. “but i’m going to miss your pink hair. how did you maintain it for so long?”

“i only chose it because it doesn’t look good on me.” 

“that’s ridiculous!” he exclaims.

you snort. “i thought if it doesn’t fit me then it would seriously change the way i look.” 

“then you were very wrong. it fits you so well.” he passionately insists that you see yourself from his point-of-view.

“you’re ridiculous.”

you don’t believe him, but he still earns himself a kiss on the lips. 

“have you ever thought of getting a lip piercing?”

“why?” he fails to hide his smug grin. “would it look good on me?”

“mhmm, i imagine so.”

you lazily trace his lips with your thumb. it’s suddenly making him dizzy. 

“should i get it then?”

“nope,” you reply with finality. “too many girls would fantasize about kissing you.” 

he bursts out laughing. “isn’t that too much of a stretch?” 

“i’m a girl! i’d know!” 

“so you’re the jealous type, huh?” he cockily quirks an eyebrow.

“i’m not,” you scoff.

“possessive?” 

“maybe,” you shrug.

“cool,” he chuckles. “you want to keep kissing?”

you don’t answer and instead you meet his lips halfway with a tug at the collar of his shirt. you’re an amazing kisser; his brain goes haywire once you tilt your head and you kiss him deeper, tongue sneaking in for a taste. he doesn’t want to kiss anyone else again. 

as the tension escalates into something hotter, your wandering hand manages to slip under his shirt, teasing and caressing his skin. fuck, he feels like he’s running a fever. however, when your fingers begin tracing and teasing the waistband of his calvin klein boxers, much as it feels heavenly and stirs something feral deep within him, he has to pull away. 

not too fast. 

he doesn’t want to overwhelm you. he’s afraid you’re not thinking straight.

“are you free this weekend?” he asks as he catches his breath, tongue swiping over his swollen lips. 

“saturday night,” you reply with a drunk smile. 

“since you granted my birthday wish, shall we make your ferris wheel dream come true?” 

your smile fades away a little. “where you work?” 

he nods, but he senses your hesitation. “but we can go to a different one, if you’d like.”

as your silence stretches, he also begins to regret having asked you in the first place. after what happened only hours ago, you must not want to go out in public and risk reliving that experience. 

“…doesn’t it bother you that your friends may have seen the video already?” 

at that moment, taehyung’s voice rings in his ears.

‘honestly, ____ looks familiar to me. have we met before?’

his heart breaks upon the sight of genuine fear swimming in your eyes. he dips his head to press a kiss on your forehead, and he hugs you tight. and tighter. he doesn’t pray much, or ask big questions, but he despises it when bad things happen to good people. he wants to protect you, but how?

“i’d tell them the truth. i’d fight for your case.”

“but what if they don’t believe you…?”

—

a deafening crash resonates in the break room as taehyung’s body slams against the lockers before collapsing on the floor. 

“ah, seriously! i said it’s not her!”

“what the fuck, dude?!” taehyung yelps as he sits up, putting a hand over his assaulted cheek. he’s more offended than hurt if he’s being honest.

as it turns out, it does bother jungkook.

taehyung’s phone landed a few feet away from him. the video is still going, and unlike the people in the elevator, he didn’t have the courtesy to keep it muted. obscene moans and sounds of skin slapping repeatedly play from the speakers at a low volume. 

“it’s so clear, look! how can it not be her?!” 

“it’s edited! it’s ai, you fucking idiot!” jungkook scowls at him. 

he picks up the phone, teeth gritted in anger as he exits the video and discovers that it’s posted at an adult website. the view count has reached five digits and the comment section is flooded. he knows this isn’t the only place it’s posted. hell, other people could have it downloaded. although it’s not your body, it’s still you being violated and lusted after. he feels sick to his stomach. 

“you should’ve said that from the start!” 

he looks away for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut, hard, hoping that would erase the explicit images and thumbnails from his memory. after gathering himself together, his eyes zero in on the report button. 

he clicks ‘submit’ before he crumbles, weakly sitting down on the chair. 

taehyung rushes to his phone that was tossed carelessly on the table. “ah shit- the screen is cracked!” 

if this is how he feels, then he can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. 

he stares at the floor, eyes unfocused. the world goes on and his back remains hunched over as he struggles to make sense of what he should do. 

—

 

when you were called over to the human resource department, you didn’t exactly prepare yourself to watch your alleged sex scandal on a 21.5-inch computer monitor. the light from the screen reflects on your skin. you have to harshly claw at the skin of your knee to stop it from anxiously bouncing; you force yourself not to also gag when the you on the screen chokes and gags. 

“was this reported to you,” you swallow the lump in your throat, shifting your stare to the man in suit and tie. “or did you find it on your own?” 

“miss ____,” he leans in on the table, clasping his hands together. the golden band around his finger shines under the dim lighting of his office. “do you even understand the kind of trouble you’re in?” 

“am i being fired?”

“but you don’t have to be.” he bares his teeth as if he’s delivering good news. you long to destroy his face and his condescension with your bare hands. “i believe we can agree on an arrangement.”

“what do you mean…?” you ask carefully, grasping the tiny bit of hope that what you have in mind isn’t what he meant. 

“i think you know what i mean. you’re smart.”

your heart drops to your stomach when he side-eyes the screen.

“do you expect me to beg for my job and do the same things i did in the video?” 

“why?” his tone then becomes threatening. you begin to hear your heartbeat thumping loud in your chest. “you won’t do it?” 

but if you allow yourself to be intimidated and treated less than a human being worthy of dignity and respect, then you may never be able to forgive yourself. 

your sharp eyes and your cutting words make up for its trembles.

“you’re right, i’m smart. i know you don’t have enough grounds to fire me. you seriously think you can manipulate me this easy?” you contemptuously push over his name plate, the bronze metal tumbling and clashing with the wooden desk. “you’re not qualified for this job.” 

your dismissal of his authority bruises his ego. he holds you in a hostile glare.

“if i were you, i would stop talking. right now.” 

“or what?” you challenge him. “you’ll hit me…? what would your wife think when she hears about this conversation?” 

his face is contorted with anger and frustration, but he is visibly holding himself back from doing something else that would damage his career. 

“i plan on suing the people who are responsible for this. i’d appreciate it if-” you gesture at the monitor. “you can delete your copy too. i’ll clean my table and leave.” 

“you have a real attitude problem, you know that? you need your eyes opened to the reality of life.” the alarms in your head starts blaring when he slowly gets up from his seat. “i think i know what i need to do to fix it.” 

“don’t you dare touch me.” you grit your teeth, tears welling in your eyes as he circles his desk. “i will kill you.” 

he squats on the floor beside you, wearing a mocking grin. you want to move away, but the chair is too small, and you’re determined to show him that you have no fear. 

“you’ll kill me?” 

he grabs a fistful of your hair, tilting your head back, and a scream is ripped out from your throat. the pain is mind-numbing; if he does it long enough, your guess is that you’d surely faint. he forces your head to the direction of the monitor. 

“who you should be killing is the man who put you in this situation.” 

you close your eyes. you try not to let him get under your skin, but the tears rolling down your cheeks are your self-made traitors. 

you have. in your head. a million times. is it truly a man? is he even alone? 

as you tiredly re-open your eyes, you unleash the pepper spray you’ve been holding under your thigh and begin spraying it all over his face. when he collapses on the floor, screaming and clawing at his own skin, your hand also falls limp over the armrest. you take a deep breath, blinking at the mess you made with heavy eyelids. 

does it hurt that much or is he simply dramatic?

you’d stay and enjoy his demise, but you decide he’s not worth your time. 

“____, come back here!” 

“oh-” you freeze on your tracks. 

you pull the lace of your company id over your head, hurling it at his face. he rolls over with an agonized groan. 

“i quit!” 

you unlock the door, dry your tears, and walk out of his office with your chin held high.

—

you stand at jungkook’s door, staring down at your shoes. you’ve been contemplating on whether you should knock or not. you want nothing more but to crawl into his arms, but a part of you is holding back. is it right to drag him into your world? you’d hate it if he becomes infected by your sadness. it broke you to pieces when he cried because he thought you were hurt. what would his reaction be if finds out what happened tonight? 

“____!”

jungkook approaches with a plastic bag from a 24/7 restaurant nearby. judging by his tousled hair, he must’ve just woken up from a long nap. and you think to yourself—he’s so handsome—as he walks over to you and you scramble to collect yourself. 

“have you been waiting long? sorry, i had to buy dinner.”  

“i just got here.” you deny. 

“is that so?” he stops infront of you, eyeing your outfit. “is everything alright? you’re home from work so early.”

“i went home.” you force a smile. “i’m not feeling so well.”

it takes everything in you not to cry when he starts stroking your hair with the gentlest hand. 

“what’s wrong…?” he frowns. he worriedly presses the back of his hand on your forehead, then your neck. “you are a bit hot.”

“i think i just need some more sleep.” you dismiss the topic quickly, throwing your arms around his neck for the hug you’ve been yearning for since you walked out of that office. 

his free arm wraps around waist, pulling you taut against him. he doesn’t ask you anything. like you, he closes his eyes, and he nuzzles his cheek against you, not taking any second for granted. 

  —

  you spend the remaining days before saturday locked up in your apartment, withholding the fact that you quit your job from jungkook. with work gone and social media apps wiped out from your phone, there’s not much to do. just like always, you feed the fishes and converse throughout the day over the phone. they eat less and less as the weather gets colder. you bring up the growing size of the fishes and he agrees that they should be moved into a bigger tank soon. he sends you photos of him bored in class and you send him photos of you in bed. every second that passes by, you feel guilty for holding on to him until the very end. 

you greet him with a radiant smile, opening the door just enough for him to see your face. you can tell that he styled his hair, sprayed on more perfume than usual. he looks absolutely dashing. it almost makes you mad. 

“are you ready?” 

you can feel the crushing weight of everything that hides behind the door. your clothes, your shoes, your self-care, your stacks of medical textbooks… your entire life packed in boxes and bags. 

jungkook was right. out of everyone he liked, you must be the most cruel. 

—

he doesn’t take you to his workplace, and instead brings you to their largest competitor. the amusement park is swarmed by locals and tourists alike, waiting for the firework show to commence. you hide your face with a thick scarf wrapped around your neck. you’ve been waiting, freezing, in line for over an hour, but you don’t mind it at all. it only means more time spent with jungkook. 

you take turns in biting on the pretzel he bought to get rid of your boredom, happy and content in your shared bubble among the hundreds of voices within the vicinity conversing all at once. you become the other half of those lovey-dovey couples people cringe at in public. every now and then you and jungkook mimic a stranger’s voice, or the instrumental music from the nearby rides, and you laugh until your tummies ache. he hugs you to warm you up and you reward him with a kiss on the cheek. 

“your hair looks even prettier in person.” jungkook compliments you with stars in his eyes. 

“thank you! it turned out better than i expected. i’m really happy about it.” you gush, confidence renewed. you eat the last piece of the pretzel happily. “red or pink?”

“okay, red does suit you better,” he admits. “but i still think you were also beautiful in pink.” 

“since you’re always saying that, i’m starting to believe it.” 

“you should, because it’s true.”

“have i ever told you that you’re handsome?”

he shakes his head with a half-amused, half-sheepish smile. 

“well, you’re very handsome,” you declare playfully, but you believe it a hundred percent. 

“thank you,” he bursts into a fit of giggles, and it delivers you a special kind of joy— making him happy.

“lemonade?” he offers you the drink he’s holding. 

you slot the straw between your lips, taking a few sips. your eyes widen in surprise, also delight. “it’s hot?” 

“it’s good, right? i feel so warm.” 

he sips on the drink himself. at the same moment, the line begins to move. 

“oh! it’s our turn!”

he grabs a secure hold of your hand, not allowing a slither of chance of you slipping away from him. you give out your tickets, and the remains of them returned, one of them jungkook takes and the other, you slide into the pocket of your shoulder bag.

“oh, it’s too high-”

your nervous pondering is interrupted by a yelp, thanks to jungkook effortlessly lifting you into the moving cabin with his hands on your hips. with a boyish grin, he jumps in after you. 

—

he curiously watches you set up your phone on the parallel side of your shared seat, you and him filmed by the front camera and displayed on the screen. he chooses not to say anything, but he is pleasantly surprised that you are the first one who initiated on recording this memory. 

once you fix it into the perfect angle, you return and sit beside him with a hint of satisfaction painted on your expression. but as soon as the the cabin quakes mildly, it morphs into nervousness. 

“it’s okay, it’s normal.” he strokes the back of your head, reassuring you. “are you afraid of heights?”

you scoot closer to him, and he forgets how to breathe for a moment when you innocently lay your hand just above his knee. “i try not to be.” 

“i was going to suggest the rollercoaster next, but maybe not.”

once again, the cabin moves, causing a whimper to emit from your throat. your nails begin to dig into his thigh, their sharpness dulled by his denim pants. 

“anything but that- i have bad memories with the rollercoaster.”

“maybe i should sit on the other side to balance ourselves bett-”

“stay!” you quickly pull him back down, resulting to another shake. “in my dream, we sit next to each other.”

“oh,” his lips shape into a smirk. “anything else i should know about?”

“you had your arm around me.” you bat your eyelashes.

he does as you request, hugging you to his side.

“like this?”

you shake your head with a sound of disagreement, moving his hand from your arm down to the curve of your waist. 

“you suddenly remember everything.” he remarks with a teasing squeeze of your flesh. 

you sheepishly smile, shrugging. “eh, i remember this much.” 

he loves moments like this— when your innocence rises to the surface and allows him a glimpse of your purest parts. they completely contradict everything your brain leads you to think is for your protection. you don’t want to be alone, and you do want to be held.

amidst his bittersweet musing, the night sky begins to be lit up by a sequence of launched explosives, shooting off glowing embers that descend slowly through the air. 

he jolts on his seat and clings to you as a result.

“ah, that scared me!” he whines in annoyance.

you spare his scaredy-cat moment a short giggle. you barely pay him any mind; you didn’t even look at him. jungkook decides to watch the fireworks from your wonder-filled eyes. the colors soar across your irises— he can’t really differentiate the silver and the gold; there’s also blue and green; a lot of red. 

his view from here is one-of-a-kind. he temporarily mistakes you for a painting. brings out his phone. snaps photos of you like one instinctively does in an art gallery. 

the mortification only sets in when your eyes meet the camera and upon realizing, you give him your dazzling smile. 

“you should watch the fireworks too.” you scold him lightheartedly, redirecting his hands outside. “they’re amazing.”

and he obeys you. 

for a short while.

you catch him longingly gazing at you sooner the second time around. he likes that he doesn’t need to look away anymore because his feelings are already out in the open, and most importantly, reciprocated. he catches your eyes flicker to his lips. he swears this is the most romantic scene of his life. will anything ever come close? you cup his cheek in your delicate hand, bringing your plush lips to his. he wonders how many times you also hesitated to kiss him before. how long would it take before he has kissed you more times than he didn’t?

 

—

jungkook is glued to his phone, walking at a slower pace behind while you search the spacious parking lot for your motorbike. 

the wicked reality he stole you from momentarily waves at him as a reminder that ignoring it doesn’t make it disappear. a notification from a fan that says they found a clip of your video on another social media platform and reported it there too. a notification containing the link. he clicks on the app and finds that his latest video has reached almost half a million views. 

technology has gone too far. how is there no law for this yet??? someone's life is ruined 

what is this. you've totally ruined the video for me

jungkook!! when are you going live again?

everyone stop spreading the video around!!!!!!!!!! report it if you see it!!!!

but how come you suddenly made a ten min vid talking against ai so passionately? do you know this girl personally?? haha

lol? he already talked about ai in a live before. his follower would know that he knows a lot about editing and technology too. hes using his knowledge for good. stop assuming

it was obvious from the start ㅠㅠ the expressions look a bit unnatural. this is unsettling.... i feel so bad for her

um .. am i the only one who doesn't know about this

you're better off not knowing 😭

it's gone viral recently

how? it's all over my feed

his temples throb with a threat of an incoming headache. he can only hope and pray that he didn’t do more harm than good… and by some miracle you don’t find out about this, at least not before he is prepared to see you mad at him again. sharply inhaling, he swipes out of the comment section and tucks his phone back into his small crossbody bag. 

“wait for me!”

he jogs to catch up to you, hurling himself to your back. you are both nearly knocked over if not for him throwing his strong arms around you. 

“you’re so hyper. are you a puppy?” you groan. “go put your helmet on.” 

“this hurts my pride. i said i’m not wearing it again!” 

he is, once again, left with no choice when you forcefully shove your only helmet over his head. 

“calm down, nothing bad will happen anyway.” 

“this feels so wrong.” he continues complaining. “everyone i know owns an extra, just so you know.” 

“well, i never planned on riding with a passenger.” you pull down the visor, sealing the deal. “hold on tight, okay?”

—

how often do you see a man on the road sitting at the back of an expensive motorbike that his cool girlfriend drives? jungkook wishes someone could take a photo and send it to him as a memento because being that man is pretty darn fun. except for the part that you’re not wearing a helmet and he’s also freaking out in the back of his mind, especially when the vehicle tilts even at the slightest. 

but yeah, fun. 

until the rain starts to come down and he ends up numb from the freezing cold. 

your driving speed decreases. you move farther into the center of the lane to avoid the slippery paint on asphalt. 

“jungkook, remove my glasses.” you instruct him urgently. 

“okay!” his arm freezes in the air. “wait, where do i put it?”

“fuck, anywhere. over my head!”

 —

owing it to your driving experience and extreme carefulness of your passenger, you park at your designated parking space safely. by the time you do so, the rain has become a downpour.

“run!” you shout as you both begin to brave it. 

for the record, jungkook tried. 

his shoe slides against the wet and slippery ground and a startled scream leaves his mouth as it all happens too fast. he lands on his butt, but loses balance again and ends up completely lying down in the middle of the parking lot. 

“jungkook!” 

alongside the fierce raindrops, your frantic footsteps bringing you to jungkook contest in creating loud splashes. you get down on your knees, forcibly shaking his frame with yet another call of his name.

“are you okay? where are you hurt?!” 

garnering no response, you resort to giving his face weak slaps. 

“stand up. this isn’t funny.” 

his ears catch you blowing out a sigh, layered underneath is the most adorable growl he has ever heard— reminds him of a tiger cub. there is the lightest trace of smile on his lips as you carry his head over to your lap with utmost gentleness. 

“jungkook!” 

you wipe his rain-soaked face with your rain-soaked hands as if it would do something. he dies of laughter inside. 

“are you being serious right now?!” 

he slowly cracks one eye open, and then the other, greeting you with the most gleeful giggle. he’s so stupidly happy it’s almost painful. chest-restricting. doesn’t help much when you hit his chest, rightfully so, and he laughs harder. 

“ugh, you’re so annoying!” 

his upper body tumbles over again to the wet ground when you return to your feet. the view from here is not that bad. he is losing half his mind from the cold and his eyes are blurry from the rain. it presents itself as the perfect opportunity to say something cheesy about going to heaven, but would an angel nudge him with their foot and say “stand up. we’re totally going to get sick now, you jerk!” before running away? 

in jungkook’s defense, he checked the weather forecast this morning. it’s painfully clear to him now that they lied. the two of you are dripping all over the floor mat in front of the building’s entrance doors. there is no other choice but to wring your clothes here to minimize the trail of mess you will leave behind when you go up to your units. 

you’re squeezing out the water from your hair. he is left with a white t-shirt sticking uncomfortably to his skin as he does the same with his sweater.

the earthy and distinct smell of the rain clings to the air, and therefore, everything.

“jungkook,”

“yes?” he cranes his head to your direction and your eyes connect.

“don’t get sick.” 

“i won’t! i’m healthy. i only get sick once a year.” he boasts with a grin. 

given the length difference, jungkook’s method is messier than yours— he shakes the water out of his hair like a puppy. 

“okay, rude-” you chide at him, flinching away from the shower. 

“oh i’m sorry!” 

didn’t think about that, he winces. 

“aquarium after showering?”

—

“worms make me queasy.” you make a noise of disgust as you dispose of your plastic gloves. 

“but clem loves them.”

“true,” you return beside jungkook, who is watching your five beloved swimmers with pure fascination. “but not as much as coral does.” 

“sometimes i wonder if they’re getting tired of seeing our faces everyday.” 

“i hope not,” you frown.

after all, they’ve taken over a considerable chunk of your daily life for the past half year. you worried more about their meals than your own. you hated it when clementine and dahlia would get scared and hide from you at the beginning. you worked hard to gain their trust. how long will it take for them to forget you? contrary to the three-second memory span myth, you read that they can keep memories for weeks, some claim months, at least five, or even years. 

“yeah, probably not because they associate us with food.” he chuckles.

“that’s true.” 

he straightens up and drops himself on the couch. while you’re alone, you take your time to prepare your heart. 

you try your hardest to look at every little detail of each fish, anything you haven’t seen before. you always loved the way their tail and fins glide and flow as they swim, reminiscent of long hair blowing with the wind. when they play about the shipwreck, it feels you’re being healed. something broken can still be a source of joy.

“i had a wonderful time, by the way.” you turn to jungkook, making your way to where he is. “thank you for tonight.”

“me too. i was so happy.” 

he squeezes you to his side, dipping to press a kiss to your temple. you never understood people who preferred forehead kisses until you met jungkook. a kiss on the lips meant being wanted, and maybe that was everything to you.

“but i’m buying the extra helmet myself tomorrow.”

“you don’t have to do that!”

while he laughs, you force a smile. 

there’s no point. there will be no next time.

“no but thank you for everything, really… my life has been a living nightmare but- but i felt like a person again when i was with you.” 

you take a pause, willing yourself not to cry. you need to tell him everything you haven’t said so you can live with less regrets. 

“you’re such a kind person. i’m sorry that i always lashed out on you too. just because i was hurting doesn’t make it right to hurt you.” 

“why are you talking like that?” he questions you suspiciously. he masks his nervousness with a tone of humor. “it sounds like you’re saying goodbye.”

because you are…

you’ve never been good at goodbyes. the original plan was to leave in the middle of the night without letting him know, leaving a note was an option. either way you know that you will hurt him, and as an admitted coward, you didn’t want to witness that.

but in the future, when you reminisce about him, you don’t want to be overcome with guilt. and when he reminisces about you, you don’t want memories of you to be tainted with bitter resentment. you hope that when either one of you sheds tears, the pain of loss eventually becomes gratitude for what you had momentarily. 

and so, you take a deep breath.

“i need to tell you something.”

he stares back into your eyes without saying anything. in the duration of that silence, jungkook is able to interpret and predict where your shared story is heading. 

“you’re leaving…”

the end.

you never considered that hearing him say it would hurt much more than telling him yourself.

“when?”

“my flight is in six hours. i’m so sorry.” 

you nearly break down into the tears, but you harshly chew on your bottom lip. you can’t cry, not in front of him. you don’t have the right.

“my parents, they finally forgave me… i can continue studying with their help. but no one wants to accept me here anymore, i tried, everywhere… so i’m going back with them to milan.”

“where they work…” he says meekly. he remembers you mentioning it in passing.

“can’t you postpone?” he tries to spark up even a smallest crumb of hope. he places his hand over yours, squeezing lightly. “even just for a day?”

you shake your head, unable to look him in the eyes, but you flip your hand over so you can hold his. and you do. tightly. and when it doesn’t feel enough, you use both hands and you clasp him in between. 

the silence in between is suffocating.

“when will you come back?”

“i don’t know.”

“i can wait-”

“no, you can’t.” you interrupt, looking at him decisively. “you shouldn’t.” 

with hardened features, he challenges your stare. you’re not scared or intimidated. he’s not angry. he’s just… 

“that’s not for you to decide.”

fighting for you.

you’d be a hypocrite if you said that you wished he wouldn’t. 

“jungkook, please, don’t.”

you throw your arms around his neck, hugging him so he won’t be able to see your face and decipher your thoughts. deep inside, with logic thrown outside the window, where all you can see and feel and touch is him, you wish that he would beg and convince you to stay. 

“you’d only waste your time doing that. you’ll meet someone else…” 

those words leave a bitter taste in your mouth. possessive, he jokingly described you once. 

“don’t say that.” he interjects. 

“you deserve to be happy, jungkook. there is so much more to life.”

“i knew- i-i had a feeling you would leave soon. i just didn’t know when.”

a tear drips from your eyelash; you hug him tighter and wipe it off on his shoulder. 

“i wish i could’ve done more.” he utters regretfully. “to help you. and comfort you. you endured everything on your own…”

“you believed me and you stayed with me. you did more than everybody else.” 

taking away the science of it, it’s common knowledge that a hug has wondrous healing effects. it’s one of those things that we naturally learn through experience, feeling. the hormone and neurotransmitter oxytocin can affect how we feel and respond to pain. studies say that it kicks in for hugs that last at least six to twenty seconds. 

“will you be okay there?” he whispers. he’s gently stroking the expanse of your back and it feels like getting tucked into bed.

by now, you’ve been hugging jungkook for over twenty seconds, and you realize that the time is irrelevant. perhaps what they are referring to are the hugs you wouldn’t mind staying in forever. 

“i’m scared,” you confess. “but i’ll be okay.”

a glimpse at the aquarium and enters a silly, gutwrenching thought. 

“you know… maybe in another life,” you peek fondly into a future that may very well never exist. “we’re old and married, and we have a big pond instead of an aquarium.”

jungkook draws back and stares you down with his tearful eyes. 

you clear your throat, face going warm with regret. “sorry-”

“you’re impossible-” he mutters before leaning in to kiss you. 

you’re frozen at first, mind going blank, until he’s kissing you deeper, gripping your waist tighter, with intense emotions you’ve never felt him express before, and you are forced to remember that this kiss is a goodbye. 

your hands around his neck fall over his shoulders, and you grant him the power to let you fall into the abyss where nothing else exists but the two of you. 

you stop worrying about the time ticking. 

you do not think about pulling away. 

he is the one who breaks the kiss and your heart is broken. 

his gaze is heaving with longing as does his aching chest. “why can’t it be in this life?”

you think this is when the gravity of the situation comes crashing down on you. jungkook is once in a lifetime. he is the person you will dedicate a memoir to when you reach the point in life where the only thing left to do is to look back. revealing the closet full of skeletons of who you were and who you will never become. he will be the subject of your what if’s, the other main character of the alternate version of your life story. the cynics will clamor, your time together was too short for it to have meant something, ignorant of the most lamentable grief— and you will envy them for it.

the corners of your mouth are lifted into a wistful smile. “fate made us meet at the wrong time, when i’m the wrong person for us.”

  —

when you arrive at your apartment, you are deprived of the privacy to break down. your brother and your family driver, mister lee, have only begun hauling your bags and boxes. you try to ignore their presence, head straight to the bathroom, but as always, your brother doesn’t allow you peace. 

“are you seriously bringing your motorbike too?”

you take a deep breath to compose yourself, but you still end up gritting your teeth. “it’s mine.”

“it’s too expensive to have it shipped-”

“shut up, you’re not the one paying for it.” 

you turn on your heel, but you become rooted into place when you hear jungkook’s name. 

“that boy you were with- jungkook, is it?”

you face with him a look of suspicion, eyebrows furrowing. “why do you care?”

he casually leans against the kitchen cabinet, hands tucked into his jeans’ pockets. “he must genuinely like you a lot to make that video. the tide has turned because of him.”

“wh-what are you saying?” you sputter. “what video?”

he narrows his eyes at you. “you don’t know what i’m talking about?”

“are you fucking with me again?” 

“yeah- okay, nevermind.” he dismisses the topic, straightening up to pick up one of the boxes that will be carried to his car. 

“moon!” you irritatedly shout his name, throwing the first thing that your hand touches. the comb hits his back before falling on the floor with a smack. “what is it?!” 

“god, ___! it’s nothing! forget about it!” he barks, going straight for the front door with two boxes stacked in his arms. “go and make sure you didn’t forget to pack anything. i don’t need you nagging me when a package gets lost on its way to milan.” 

you’re obviously having a hard time. can’t he go a little gentler on you? 

“and cover your face.”

“does it matter? i’m already leav-”

“dad asked for it— not me. just do it, ____.”

you weakly slump back against the wall. you have no fight left in you today. you’d like to commend yourself for making it this far, surviving the worst of the worst and having the courage to come out of the tunnel, but you fail to make the distinction between being strong and becoming jaded. 

“ma’am-” mister lee offers you a handkerchief. “i found it in one of the drawers. did you mean to leave it behind?” 

you shake your head, and with a cold, shaky hand, you take it from his open palm. 

once the tears begin to slide down your cheeks, there is no more stopping them. 

as a sign of respect to you, he also leaves the room. 

you choke back a sob, clutching to your chest— the handkerchief you were never sure if you were given or you stole. 

—

jungkook’s tears glimmer from the lighter’s dancing flame. after several clicks, he manages to light up the cigarette. he isn’t innocent–after all he’s already an adult—but it’s a habit he makes an effort to avoid. surely, he can give himself a pass today, though. he’s heartbroken, and he feels pathetic enough hanging out in the alleyway you frequented. 

he blankly stares at the lighter you believe you lost due to your carelessness. thinking back to your words from earlier, he’s furious at how calm you appeared. it was an easy decision— leaving him behind.

the rain has stopped, but raindrops collected by the roof still trickle to the ground and clang against metal pipes.  

with trembling lips, he exhales the smoke— a sob threatens to be ripped from his throat and he roughly covers his mouth to stop it. 

what could possibly be the lesson he’s supposed to learn from this pain? 

he didn’t know where else to go. at his apartment, he’d feel you leave. at the lobby, he’d see you leave. he’d go far, but he doesn’t want to be too far. until the very end, he is at your disposal. 

you could’ve been the one. no, he desperately wanted you to be the one. if you had stayed, he would’ve loved you as often as he breathed— but your paths intertwined only to be unraveled. 

some sadistic tool, fate is. what was the point of finding you again? 

a passerby’s fleeting shadow blocks all sources of light casted over jungkook’s secret place.

you wear your only carry-on, a duffle bag, around your body. 

you cross the street with unhurried steps. 

as you climb into your getaway car, jungkook flicks off the ash from the cigarette held between his fore and middle fingers. 

the tires roll over the wet asphalt, leaving behind a hissing echo. your brother’s car follows suit.

thirty-five, thirty-six… jungkook anxiously counts the vehicles he hears driving away.

was one of them you? 

…are you gone?

[radidoes]

PRETTY PET

alastor/reader, sfw 'n nsfw headcannons. readers' soul is owned by alastor. MINORS DNI!

A/N: i haven't written in like a year especially smut so forgive me as this isn't my best work. i don't proof read sorry.. PLEASE SEND ME REQUESTS FOR ANYONE (I NEED ANONS TOO)

SFW-

he loves bringing you everywhere with him, in the hotel, cannibal town, overlord meetings etc..,, he just can't help but to flaunt you around town!! especially with that pretty green collar around ur neck...

enjoys buying you stuff, whether it be a flattering dress or matching brooches, he loves seeing his little doll all dressed up!!

takes u on romantic little dates around hell, you find it charming he spares so much time for you but it's his secret way of letting others know ur his; purposely holding you by your thick green chain.

makes sure everyone knows how much you've devoted your soul to him, making you speak on broadcast to list all the things you love about him; and how you'd never ever dare think about being with another person. hearing all of this inflates his already huge ego.

NSFW-

loves rutting into you while holding on your chain for stability, it turns him on even more if you struggle to keep your breath due to the pressure on your neck

markssss omgg, he loves marking your neck, chest, thighs ANYWHERE where he can make sure everyone knows ur his. hickies, bites, 'n claw marks. in return u leave cute little scratch marks on his back to find later! :3

your glossy eyes 'n fucked out face after being fucked dumb is something he enjoys seeing, it makes him feel good knowing he's the only one who makes YOU feel good.

if ur being bratty he makes you get urself off on his pants, not caring if ur big doe eyes are filled with tears and desperation,, such a meanie!! :( luckily he's more than happy to help if you apologize and promise to never have such devotion to anyone else!!

if you have animal features, he is so mean!! pulling 'n yanking on ur ears, tails, horns and anywhere he can grab on! but when u try to do the same with his horns when he's eating you out oh so nicely, he quickly shuts it down by tightning his grip on ur plush thighs, drawing a little blood he more than happily laps up.

the type of guy to get turned on by knowing he has more power over u, so it makes his cock hard when you have to crawl on your knees while he's pulling ur collar, watching you quickly scramble to his feet and look up at him with your eyes pricked with tears.

A/N- I AM SOOO TERRIBLY DOWN HORRENDOUS FOR THIS MAN.. I REALLY HOPE THIS DOES GOOD... I want requests for him 'n anyone else....

[moonferry]

yk when u want a specific type of content but it like doesn't exist so u have to make it urself..

anyway have some bachelors x masc farmer ideas/headcanons/rambles. idk i just say words. long post so strap in, folks! honestly these could be considered gn if u squint bc i don't really use masc pronouns in the writing, however there are mentions of masc labels (boyfriend, husband)

mentions of internalized homophobia + depression

i may do bachelorettes x fem farmer next so stay tuned :3

harvey:

- wears his boyfriend's/husband's shirts. literally no exceptions. if you wore it, he is going to wear it too. you left a shirt at his place? oh. it's his now. and he's going to be smiling the entire time he wears it. this being said, i think he'd totally be like T____T it doesn't smell like you anymore and ask for a different one.

- loves to compliment your appearance or just you in general (in my play through he literally says "you look so handsome. did you shave?" like 3 times a week)

- personally, i see harvey as being bisexual + super open about it. like everyone in town supports him & they're so ecstatic for him when they see he has a boyfriend.

- if you have yet to ask him out, though, and he's realizing his feelings i think it would be very hard for him to hide them. someone could be asking him something and you walk into the clinic? his entire train of thought is GONE. i'm talking they have to wave their hand in front of his face to get his attention back.

- don't even get me STARTED on if you propose. he'd literally walk into the clinic, slam his coffee on the reception desk and be like, "MARU, LOOK." pretty sure he fainted and maru had to fan him back to consciousness.

elliott:

- despite elliott's openness with his own sexuality, i think he was terrified of your rejection. not too terrified obviously because something something inspiration from painful experiences yada yada. if you ended up not being interested in him, he probably would've gotten over it - but don't be surprised if you notice some strange subtext in his writing. he's a romantic writer - if he has feelings, they're going to get written down. sorry folks.

- but * yay * you didn't reject him, so elliott is still inspired. maybe you even become the next love interest in his newest novel? who knows.

- in his 14 heart event, he writes a series of letters to you because he has to leave pelican town for a week. i absolutely loved this idea and i think elliott would do this even if he was in the town. they could be something as mundane as what he did that day/week and he just. put it in the mailbox. you still enjoy reading them, though.

- i think he absolutely loves using "my" like "my man", "my husband" "my beloved" just anything, really. he loves you so much - and he knows he doesn't own you, obviously, he's just so glad he is lucky enough to call you his.

alex:

- i think alex was TERRIFIED of falling in love with you. in his 10 heart event, he mentions telling himself that he shouldn't experience these feelings for another man. every act of kindness you showed him ate away at his heart and it drove him crazy.

- i think he experienced a little internal homophobia before finally realizing that it was okay. it doesn't help that george is so adamant about him finding a girlfriend (and that george has a little homophobic arc 🥲). alex probably internalized these ideas and pushed himself into his gridball/weightlifting obsession to quiet his mind.

- after he finally worked up the courage to tell you how he felt - and was entirely relieved when you felt the same way - it was as if a weight removed itself from his chest. he could finally breathe again. the world seemed different - in a good way. colors were more vivid, sounds were more pleasing to hear, the earth felt solid underneath his feel for once. he wasn't afraid of anything, especially not with you beside him.

- now, he proudly walks around the town with your hand in his, smiling to himself.

- sometimes those thoughts start to seep back in, though. like when he's about to sleep at night and his brain just can't shut up. he starts to hate himself again, and then he feels you press against him or hears you mutter in your sleep and his heart softens.

- also he got george and evelyn shirts that say "i love my gay grandson" they wear them proudly.

shane:

- surprised that anyone took a romantic interest in him, not surprised by the fact that you're a guy.

- i don't think shane has a "preference" for dating someone, he goes based off of vibes + personality rather than gender or appearance. he also doesn't label himself or his sexuality/romantic attraction.

- he's definitely a shirt lender. like you see a nice jacket in his closet and you're like "hey, hun, can i borrow this?" "sure."

- thinks you look amazing in his clothes. probably puts the best ones on hangers (or at the top of the clothing pile) in hopes that you'd choose them.

- even if he doesn't show it outwardly, he's super afraid of losing you. because of his mental illness, he can't help but think that every good thing he has will be taken away from him or that he "doesn't deserve" them. (he does, and you often remind him of this if he gets too into his head).

- i picture him reaching over and placing a hand on your arm in the middle of the night JUST to make sure you were still there and not the universe playing a cruel joke on him.

- can cook, but he's so used to making frozen dinners that he often forgets to.

- if you're taller than him, forehead kisses are a MUST. he will not let you leave the farmhouse until he receives his daily forehead kiss.

- i think he loves being the little spoon. it just makes him feel safer, more grounded in a way. he's been at the point where it feels like nothing is permanent and it can all end in the blink of an eye, so being spooned helps him realize that it isn't all that bad and that it will be okay, given the right time and effort.

- shane definitely falls asleep on his husband's chest like.. once a week.

- because mental illness is a constant battle, i imagine shane still gets "bad days". but don't worry! his loving husband is here to help. shane's depressive episodes usually consist of lying in bed (often for days at a time) and it's extremely hard for him to do anything. but the farmer is used to this - he's definitely read up on mental health books and how to support someone with depression. the farmer never tries to force shane out of bed or tells him that he needs to "get over it". the farmer often checks on him in between their farm duties. i imagine when the farmer is completely finished, they sits down on the edge of the bed and play with shane's hair or rubs their hand up and down his back:

"hey shane, are you okay?"

"i will be."

"i love you, chickadee."

"i know."

"do you want some ice cream?"

"yes, please."

sam:

- by far, the most "affectionate"? in a way.

- sammy loves pda im sorry. if you two are walking along, he has to be touching you in some way - whether it's holding your hand. your arm looped through his own, your hand in his hoodie pocket, etc. he just needs physical contact. i also think he'd look at you with big, wet eyes and wait until you kiss him.

- he takes you to band practice !!! seb and abby don't really mind, and you even offer some input on how they should approach their next song.

- absolute golden retriever boyfriend. can and will curl up on your lap and cuddle against you (even if he's ridiculously tall and lanky).

- if and when you attend all his shows/concerts, he definitely pulls you on stage once the set it over and kisses you publicly - sebastian and abigail just roll their eyes (this happens every single time. they're used to it).

- probably has your name written on his guitar.

- i think kent and jodi would be some of the most supportive people ever - they're just happy their son found someone to be with, regardless of gender.

- i think kent would probably sit you down and give you "the talk" about *grumble grumble* if you break my son's heart *grumble grumble*. not that you would, obviously, you adore sam. but kent's words do put the fear of god in you - this is the man who sends you bombs in the mail as a "friendly gesture"

- don't let that fool you, though, kent will be an absolute waterfall if you and sam get married. i also think he'd be more of a "ask for his blessing" before proposing kind of guy, but he'd give it willingly.

- sam loves it when you run a hand through his hair (if he had a tail, it would be wagging).

- sam puppyboy au? thinking thoughts...

sebastian:

- i think the only one surprised that seb has a boyfriend is seb himself. he always pictured himself a "loner for life" and DEFINITELY didn't expect to fall in love with this weird farm boy.

- he probably spends more time at the farm house/wherever you two hang out than his own home. but who could blame him?

- he was so confused about his feelings that he ended up talking to maru for help (crazy, right?) the two of them built a pillow fort near maru's telescope and spent hours talking. it was quiet nice. this helped him realize two things: 1) maybe his sister wasn't all that bad and 2) he was DEFINITELY in love with another man. he didn't know which was more confusing.

- i think sebastian likely confessed first in a sort of "nonchalant" way. i think the conversation went like this:

farmer,teasing: "oooh, you wanna kiss me sooo bad it makes you look stupid."

seb: "yeah, i do."

neither of you were prepared for that. i think he would ease the tension by just. ignoring what he just said.

- i think he smiles like a frog . a sort of :} if you will. like bulbasaur.

- speaking of bulbasaur, that is definitely his favorite pokémon. oh and froakie. he just like the little frog dudes. would love you forever if you won him a plushie from the claw machine.

- it's no secret that seb often thinks no one would notice if he left, but getting closer to you made him realize that.. someone would. and maybe that's enough.

- if he stays up late working on a project, just walk over to his desk and wrap him into a back hug. bonus points if you voice is gravelly from sleep. "let's go to bed, sebby." he'd melt. like full on puddle on the ground.

- because sebastian is like 5'6 you'd think he enjoys being the small spoon. WRONG!!! he is a big spoon exclusively. you don't mind, though.

- he would die if you played with his hands while cuddling. please give this boy some physical affection. he deserves it.

[thebestandrealestever]

~ e!42 miles hcs bc i’m going crazy rn .~

black reader, mostly gn expect for two fem directed one warnings: n word, cursing, implied sexual content but not suggestive

u can’t tell me he don’t blowing u up when you forget the inside outside rule. “why are u on the outside of me?” he said while grabbing your arm and practically throwing u to the other side of him. “it will never ever be that serious please miles.” “it ain’t gon be that serious when u get hit by a car huh?” “we’re in a neighborhood 😭?!?”

he acts like he hates it when you make him do tiktok’s with you but he b rly getting into it . “damn nigga! u doing the dance better than me wtf” “that’s js cause u suck at everything ever.”

scares you in his prowler suit and think it’s the funniest thing in the world. “Boo.” miles said with his voice distorter turned on standing above you, waking u out of your sleep with a yell. “WTF IS WRONG W U??” he cackled for deadass 10 minutes. “u mr fucking funny guy now huh?” “yep, start locking your window.”

if u guys ever broke up, trust this nigga won’t leave you alone. with a big sigh as you see miles come in through the window “miles. why are you still coming in room. i told u it’s over” “lol anyways how was school today?”

has your period tracker on his phone 🤞🏽

u both are insanely in sync, every time you’re sitting next to eachother and someone says sum to y’all you both look at the same time

once you had a pregnancy scare, this nigga started ordering cribs and diapers 😭

u NEVER have to pay for anything by yourself, he be lowk getting upset when u buy urself something

thinks he’s the rizzler because his “hey” he learned from uncle aaron worked on u but really you had liked him for a while already

the only time he post on his story is when he’s posting you, he don’t really be on social media like that.

said something HEINOUS to you in spanish thinking u didn’t know what he was talking about but you asked rio and he got grounded for a month 😭

when you first said you loved him, after he got home he was kicking his feet twirling his little braids fr.

short this is short but i’m going CRAZY

[plmp0]

The Sex Love house PT1

Summary: Welcome to the love house where a lot of stories will infold, 7 participants will have a chance to live together in the same house for a mounth while still doing their normal activities, will they find real love in this short period? Or at least this is what ur friend want u to believe.

Genre: smut (that's really it) PT 2

Warning: a very manipulative!jay, manipulative!sunghoon, manipulative!heeseung, everyone is a perv in this house, reader is clueless, shameless reader, kinda stalker reader, Siyeon (from dreamcatcher) is also part of this, this is a pure filth, explicit content.

Smut warning: hand!job, degradation, humiliation, fingering, use of toys, semi-public sex....

When ur friend invited u to participate in this variety show u had no idea u'll accept let alone to find urself in a situation where u r thorn away between all this people. -how is that even possible? How can you feel this way about that many people? But again ur heart had other words…. "what do u mean u want me to particiapte in ur dating show?" U questionned ur friend from 6 years Yeri as she said while playing it cool : please do that for me! (Fake pout) we need more female participants, we didn't find ones that will be suitable for tv!

You looked at her in disbelief "and u think i am? Yeri who are u kidding? U know more than anyone that m not the type that is comfortable around cameras." Yeri sighed but insisted non the less trying to convince u no matter what "please y/n m begging u! We want to start filming before winter comes, and i promise there is a lot of handsome men u'll not regret it." "No, m not interested." Was all u said before leaving her to take a cab. Even after a week of Yeri's begging, u always declined her offer whenever she opens her mouth, u had a lot of stuff to do, work has never been easy to deal with and plus u don't have time to even take care of urself because once u get home from work u pass out on ur bed immediately and what ? She expects u to come from work and chat with random people and try to find love? (U chuckle deep into ur thoughts) "ahhh Yeri what am i gonna do with u?". U mumble to urself ignorant that ur co-worker and ur friend Jungwon is standing behind u. Jungwon:I suppose Yeri is on something again? U let a scream startled not noticing his presence until he spoke: Omg u scared me! U said through wide eyes pouting ur lips when everyone started looking at ur direction. Jungwon laughed his dimples deep in his cheeks making ur heart warm up from how cute he looks: I can never get enough from ur dramatic ass y/n. U hit his shoulder playfuly acting offended: yaa it's not that m dramatic it's just that u keep showing up without a noise so it's normal for me to be scared!. Jungwon nodded his head pretending to buy ur words: yeah yeah whatever (he paused for a second, sitting next to u) so what was the Yeri thing that u didn't want to tell me about? (He looked at u curiousity shouting from his eyes). U droped the file u were working on leaning on ur chair: You know, Yeri and her team are starting a dating show and they had less participants than they expected so she asked me to join them , ridicilous right? Jungwon didn't let a single word out, noticing that, u turned to look at him finding him not acting sus at all, u raise ur eyebrow calling his name: Jungwon? Why aren't u saying something? Jungwon coughed looking everywhere but at you:emm-…. woah? Really? Yeri did? Isn't that a good idea? U stare at him a "wtf look" over ur face: it's ur idea isn't it. Jungwon: listen i- U cutted him short immediately: Did u think that i would say yes? Like i don't get that, don't u guys know me so well? I would never say yes to something like that?. Jungwon: but why? Like it's really fine, beside u've been single for three years don't u miss being in a relationship?. U answered annoyed: No i don't and even if i do i wouldn't do it that way. Jungwon raised his left brow: ahah? And how would u do it?. U paused to think not knowing how to answer: idk, i want it to come naturally and not force it. (U shrugg). Jungwon stood up from his seat eyes still on u: but u don't know maybe there is someone from the participants that u might know. U looked at him smiling suspeciously" ahah? Is that the case? Who would be there then? U? "( u laughed at ur own word not buying what he is saying). But what u didn't know is that something worst than ur "joke" happened in real life, getting annoyed from Yeri's consistent pleads Jungwon decided to join her , they turned ur days into nightmares making u not wanting to go out at all.

So deciding to give it a shot u said yes to Yeri more to rest ur head from her nagging than being excited to join this show. It was about time u go to the "love house" as they call it cringing at the name whenever u remember it, u kept shaking ur legs, nervous about this whole situation, regretting to say yes when the taxi u decided to take to the location had a camera right on ur face, making u uncomfortable, u started tugging on ur not so long purple dress, ur hair styled for the first time in a mounths, u wished this ride to end fastly and that they cancel this show but much to ur disapointement the taxi driver kept calling u to notify that u've arrived. Sighing nervously u paid him giving him a little thank u before getting ur luggage and closing the door, u stood out in front of the house admiring how big and luxiourious it looks, stepping upward u noticed a camera man at the gate signaling u to be fast, u scoff annoyed , opening the door while carrying ur heavy stuff looking with wide eyes at the beautiful garden in front of u ,

Arriving to the actual door u stood there confused at what to do "should i knock? Or ring the bel?" Staying there for minutes one of the directors told u frasturated to just open it, u gave him a fake smile apologizing awkwardly before opening the door and stepping inside. The fancy mirror in the entrance was so elegant and clean for u to not check urself, u adjusted ur hair and lipstick noticing how it faded and only a small tint is left behind " i just want one thing to work for me." U scoffed getting ur lipstick out and putting on another layer, before ur ears caught a faint of sounds from people talking, u furrowed ur eyebrows u thought u were the first one to arrive but it looks like it's not the case. Hearing that, u hurried leaving ur stuff in there, and following the sound until ur feet lead u to a nice decorated room, too focused on the decor u didn't notice the eyes that were on u until u finished scaning the room. You widen ur eyes looking at the two familiar faces smirking at u "what? Why are you here?" When u came here u didn't think that ur hot neightbour and one of ur clients would be in the show as well. Heeseung (ur neighbour) looked at you enjoying ur reaction upon seeing him "hey little doll." Unable to let a word out, Jay spoke before u with amusement in his tone "Was not expecting to see us here now did u?" U dropped ur bag feet barely keeping u up u started to panick ain't no way these two are here, no u r not on the same show with them!

U screemed at Yeri on top of ur head not knowing how to react after the director told u to do something and stop freezing on ur spot, u coughed a little bit awakening urself before u sat in the corner away from both of them, u gave them an awkward smile pretending like u don't know them at all. Heeseung kept the cocky smile on his face knowing exectly how hot he his and that u might have something for him by the way u kept looking at him from ur window whenever he is on ur line of sight, he has caught u multiple times staring at him from his mirror and couldn't help but admire how cute u looked trying to hide with ur curtain thinking that he wouldn't see u, but he did!. Jay on the other hand loved the way ur face turns red whenever he spoke to u in ur work meetings, ur shyness, the way u try to avoid his gaze everytime u felt his eyes on u, it just that u look so delicious for him to ignore u and not tease u. U were sitting there regretting all of ur life choices so embarassed for some reasons that it had to be these two specificly , not even one of them, but both? Woah u wouldn't survive here for sure! U can sense them tearing u appart with their eyes, u couldn't help but fan urself praying that the next contenstant enter now, and she did "Joy" as u've heard about her in the magazines, she is a very famous and beautiful model, has worked with so many known labels, u were surprised to see her in front of u fangirling inside rather than being intimidated by her presence, u scaned her outfit, a short white skirt with pleaths, with a yellow crop top that shows her cleavage, her hair was styled up in a ponytail, her makeup is done perfectly, she looked so beautiful u were drooling. Standing up to say hi, she looked ur way her smile getting bigger as she held her hand to shake urs directing her words to everyone in the room hi , nice to meet u m joy." She said to everyone in the room, the guys nodded at her introducing themselves and turned their gaze to u immediatly. Pressure, so much pressure u r feeling right now, it's almost suffocating the vibe in this room ! The silence not helping it at all. Before Joy can say something to lighten the mood the door opened and ur eyes opened wide with it , seeing sunghoon one of the people that u can't help it but feel embarrassed around giving that one situation u had with him (oh nooo ) u said to urself, it was as if this cast was selected on purpose to make fun of u. U gulped as he approached, white shirt tight on his body, tucked nicely in his pants getting his so very nice black locks away from his face, He looks…. majestic. Stopping in the middle of the room he said hi to everyone and took a seat next to you making u scream in your head, he turned ur way looking at u with a cocky grin: we met again little one. U were hopping that he doesn't remember u , that he forgot completly about ur existance, but looks like it's not the case. U see ur story with Sunghoon started in ur collage years, u were so frustrated after all ur exams and the teasing of heeseung (even when he wasn't doing anything) u head to a very far bathroom sure that almost nobody used it before closing the door and started getting off, moaning at ur pervet thoughts about heeseung not noticing that someone else was in the bathroom as well it's not until u got out of the bathrooms section and were going to the sinks to wash ur hand that u saw sunghoon standing there with shoock looking at u like u were some kind of pervet

u were ready to die at that moment, not knowing what to do ur head told u to ran away immediately and from that moment u did everything u could to avoid Sunghoon's presence, whenever u saw him heading some way u made sure to go in the opposite until u graduated and stopped seeing him. But here he is sitting so close to u, ur thighs are touching ,u were sure that by this time ur face is so red, ur hands got so sweaty from anxiety , u stopped hopping for the other contestants afraid that someone else u know is gonna enter. Joy was making sure to get rid of the awkwardness asking about your MBTI and stuff and that really helped to relieve ur stress a little bit. The next girl came, her name is "Siyeon", she was wearing a tight leather dress with high boots, her hair red and her eye makeup was so intense, out of everyone here she was definetly the most intimidating one!. She said hi sitting in ur opposit direction eyes checking u out, u couldn't help it but feel like she looks familiar "where have i seen her before?" But u couldn't remember, u felt uneasy by the way she was staring at u, somehow this room keeps getting hotter the more people come, u just wanted a breath but NO whenever u look someway ur eyes meet someone's so u just ended up looking down. The last contestant was late, the staff told you that they will come for diner and suggested to chose rooms to carry your luggage to. There was 6 rooms, 3 for the guys and 3 for the ladies. You didn't know how to choose so you just did that randomely, one of the three rooms is for 2 people. You went to the room they choose for you smiling at the cozy vibes you got from it, you closed your eyes after tossing yourself on that bed, tired already and you just started. "How am i gonna live with these people for a whole mounth ? Omg plz help me" You couldn't contain yourself from cursing Yeri and Jungwon who didn't even bother to show themselves or at least send you a text before you came her. ----> (Irey is Yeri btw)

You: U bitches i'll never forgive u! 😡 Irey:W-Whyyy??? 😶😶 You: U have the audacity to ask me why? You:Where are you? I have a lot of things to tell u! Irey:emm actually u won't see me there-…. "U furrowed ur brows at her reply, questionning wtf does she means" You :? Irey: ehem that … u know.. this is not the show we were working for. You: can u give me an understandble respond cause i don't get what you are saying. Irey: Actually one of my friends begged me to bring someone to the show, they promised to give us an interview with a very famous actor and i couldn't say no 🥺

You: Ahhhh Yeri, when i catch u Yeri ! Why would u lie to me like that u could of just told me the truth, do u know in what situation i am right now? Ffff good thing ur not here or i would of smacked that face of urs 😮‍💨. Irey: i knew u would say No, like u said it even though u thought the show is mine! So there was no way u'd say yes if i said it's for a friend. Also what situation are u talking about? 😶 You : m not telling u ! I need u to learn ur lesson first. I have to go now!.

U turned ur internet off sullking, ur head is spinning hopping that this room gets locked somehow and not oppen until 30 days passes. But as soon as u thought that, u heard a knock on ur door, curious as to who is there, u rushed only to open it in an almost shirtless heeseung only two of his bottons are closed his hair kind of messy his fucking smirk not leaving his face, u stayed there mouth open not knowing what to do, u have never once spoken to Heeseung before, he is someone u kept admiring and crushing on because u never been this close to him , and now that he is in front of u head leaning to reach ur height u can't help the aggressif heartbeat pounding in ur chest. Ahhh m doomed!

Heeseung moved some of ur hair to tack it behind ur ears, eyes on ur lips not even trying to hide that as his tongue darts on his. Heeseung whispered in ur ear making sure to awaken all of ur senses "i've been waiting to get close to u little doll." He moved away enjoying ur flustred face and the way ur eyes are fully open looking at his chest muscule. He chuckled enjoying how shameless u r not even saying a word and staring at him instead, he approached u more his index finger tracing ur neck "it looks like m not the only one who has been waiting for that ha?" Not knowing what to say u kept quiet inhaling his smell secretely ofc! Eyes closed, all of ur braincells stopped working. Heeseung has that much effect on u? U thought. He stepped out again looking at u amused he definetly didn't think u'd act this obvious in front of him, he thought u'd shake him off, try to avoid him maybe? But no, he was wrong. Nd god he loves it even more, seeing how u r acting when he hasn't even done nothing it got him aroused. Heeseung cleared his throath finally remembering why he came here "The staff are calling us to talk a little bit and have lunch, u can change and join us if u want." he said scanning ur short dress and how tight it is on ur body, fuck! He is going insane already! . U noded still affected to let a word out, he smiled at u and left. U closed the door head spining what is going on with u? U shake this feeling there was so much tension between both of you, u didn't know he'd look more handsome up this close, God, he is so ur ideal type… u've never meet someone close to ur ideal type before heeseung, so the moment he moved to ur neighborhood

the moment u saw him exit his house going god know where u couldn't help but gasp, butterflies running in ur stomache u felt an instant attraction, and from that moment u couldn't miss an opportunity to admire him, the fact that his room was in front of urs helped a lot, there was a lot of moment when he'd come home after the gym removing his shirt body all sweaty and abs defined, hair messy drinking a bottle of water, How hot can he get! Out of all the days of the week u were looking for the gym ones Heeseung always giving u a show.

Now that u r thinking about it the fact that u've never talked with each other until now is crazy, but u thanked god for that because if u did u'd be so down bad for him. Getting him out of ur head u changed into a more comfortable clothes, receiving a text that there will not be any dates out , so you can just chill and get to know each other , checking the mirror u stared at ur own reflection wearing a cute pink shorts with kitten paws and a white oversized tshirt, hair in a messy bun with some strands on ur face, u put ur lipgloss making sure that u look presentable, after 5 min of checking urself u got ur phone and headed down to the living room, almost everyone was already sitting , joy still in her previous outfit laughing with jay over something, siyeon in a black hoodie and sweatpants eating god knows what, heeseung in white top and grey sweatpants "oh god m feeling dizzy" staring at ur outfit with a side smile, Sunghoon nontheless is not here yet… u smiled awkwardly avoiding Heeseung and sitting between jay and Siyeon who is now looking at u.

Siyeon leaned to ur side "what was ur name? I didn't have a glimpse at it." You smiled at her while telling her ur name. Siyeon "Y/n! what a cute name for a cute girl like u. " She said looking at ur cute shorts with a smile U thanked her cheeks red after her comment, Joy somehow only noticing ur presence now "Ohhh Y/n u r here?" U noded as she gave u a piece of strawberry candy "here, have one." U took it u've been craving something sweet since this morning, u removed the wrapper and slid the candy between ur lips sensing 4 pair of eyes on you, u forrow not knowing at what they r staring but then Sunghoon enterend the room taking ur attention away, he changed to an outfit similar to heeseung but all in black , he noticed ur gaze bitting his lips as he sitted next to heeseung, both of them whispering between each other. Joy took this moment to talk "okayy so guys i wanted us to get to know each other better but i think it would not be great when another contestant will join us tonight so i figured out we save that for then." You nodded agreeing "yeah it's better that way." (u spoke still playing with the candy until a small drop of saliva got out) taking ur finger to catch it afraid it's gonna stain the couch u watch at siyeon catched it instead taking it to her lips, ur eyes widen at that not knowing what to do as she let out a hmm sound , u turned ur head pretending like u've not seen or heard anything as Joy started asking if we know how to cook. U answered immediately "Ohhhh m a bad cook." Laughing awkwardly afterwards, Joy smiled relating to u "so i am hahahhah" Jay leaned on the back of the couch manspreading hands carressing his forhead "m good at cooking i can help." U looked his way not expecting that he does and he met ur eyes grining "why? U thought i don't know how to?" Taken back from his sudden question to u, u answer stutering "N-no i- i just u know…." Not letting u finish ur words Jay let out a deep chuckle "i was just kidding relax."

Smiling u massage ur neck awkwardly as u bite on the candy finishing it. Ur eyes shifted to both heeseung and sunghoon who seems deep into their conversation quietely as they keep looking ur way, u looked at them confused and curious about what they r talking about and thanks for having Joy here she asked them "u guys seem like u know each other"

Heeseung smiled "Yeah Sunghoon is a very close friend of mine (he looked deep into ur eyes)hens he never hide something from me, he tells me everything. "Is he implying that he told him about me?"

Shocked u looked at Sunghoon to find him smirking at u, u started to panic no way he did right?. U felt uneasy the whole time, not beeing able to concentrate in their discussions head wandering whether heeseung knows now or not. Sensing something off Jay reached ur thigh hand hanging there while asking if something is wrong, u flinched from his touch "ohh noo no m fine just hungry."

U lied. Jay smiled softely asking siyeon for her opinion about what to prepare for lunch since they are the only two who knows how to cook. Siyeon shrugged and then asked what you r craving her eyes on the hand that is still on ur thigh clicking her tongue. After they setteled on what to do, you joined them in the kitchen wanting to help in someway. Siyeon "wanna help?" She asked getting some stuff from the fridge, you noded: "yeah just show me what to do and i'll do it." Jay's focus shifted to u after ur words smiling at how cute u look with these clothes, u look so innocent saying these words he almost wanna ruin that.

Siyeon in the other hand patted ur hair asking u to chop some vegetables for the pasta she will be making, u did that Joy helping u with them as Jay is working alone frying the steaks, ur nose picked up the delicious smell of the seasoning making ur stomache growl more from hunger, mouth watering as u stare at it. Seeing that Siyeon couldn't help but laugh at ur cuteness "omg why are u so cute, Jay u better hurry or Y/n is gonna throw u aside and have the steak for herself."

U chuckled embarrassed u can't help it when u r hungry it just shows. "btw where is Sunghoon and heeseung?" Jay asked now flipping the steak to the other side. "they are looking for a movie so we can watch it together." Joy answered washing some fruits for later U smiled upon hearing her words "Ohhh that sounds fun." Siyeon smiled at ur reaction "yeah Are u excited?." U smiled back while nodding "i didn't have the time to watch something in a while so that sounds fun." "And why is that? Is it because of work." Siyeon asked now adding more cream cheese to the pasta. U sighed u didn't have a week off for an eternity, u really need a rest "yeah" Siyeon pouted side hugging u "awww." Jay turned the heat off placing the last steak beautifully on the plate "okaay steak is ready, how is it going overthere?." Siyeon also placed the pasta on the three plates in front of her, you got some forks and napkins while joy helped Siyeon to serve the table, as you got there u found a very sus heeseung staring at his phone with his brows forrowed, u noticed that he always has this expression before he close the curtains when u were "stalking him", clearing ur throat heeseung shuts his phone helping joy as Sunghoon comes from outside holding some snacks and putting them in the kitchen for later.

Everyone took their places diving into food u cutted the steak taking a piece and savouring the tastiness of it moaning at how good it is u give a thumbs up to Jay saying with ur eyes that he did an excellent job getting a lovely smile from him u smiled back , not noticing the stares u got from ur so not quiet moan.

Heeseung tightened his fist trying to brush off this feeling and focusing on his food, head still dizzy from how fuckable u look with that cute and adorable outfit u r wearing. Sunghoon on the other hand stares at u darkly memories from the past coming back to him, he'd love that moment to repeat itself now, he'd definitely act differentely than before.

Siyeon's eyes bore into u, eyes never leaving u, taking in every expression and sound u make, she finds u sooo cute and adorable she can't even eat properly not wanting to miss a thing. Joy isn't even there lost in the food she has been starving herself for her last photoshoot that this is paradise for her. U finished eating not paying attention to anything, heeseung and sunghoon offered to wash the dishes since they didn't help in cooking earlier. They came out from the kitchen with some snacks sitting in the sofa in front of the tv before sunghoon hitted play for the movie on the screen.

U were sandwitched between heeseung and sunghoon they were so close to u, both of their bodies touching urs, u felt so hot , so weird not knowing what to do after all it's been three years since u broke with ur ex and got to ur current job, ur job being as hard as it is didn't allow u or give u the chance to meet with anyone, u haven't been this close to a guy appart from Jungwon in a while, so the fact that heeseung throw his hand at ur shoulder while eating from his bowl made u so flustered not giving ur full focus to the movie playing, hands shaking u opened ur hair tie allowing ur hair to breathe a little while tying it again, ur shampoo smell was everywhere now making sunghoon inhale it while placing a hand on ur thigh pretending like it's nothing big U gasp a little bit looking at him staring at the tv, u bit ur lips feeling hot all of a sudden, heeseung took some chocolate from the table offering it to u, u took it smiling at him with a very quiet thank u. The movie kept going on, it was a romance movie you weren't a big fan of romance so u were so bored, u took ur phone from ur pocket opening instagram to the picture of heeseung u checked out this morning

flustered u clicked exit multiple times locking the phone and putting back on ur pocket u couldn't even look at heeseung side but u r so sure that he saw it giving the little breathy chuckle he gave after the "pathetic" word he mumbeled making ur cheeks as red as tomatoes, u sighed seriously when will this day end?. Sunghoon on the other side moved his hand a little to high, pretending to take some chips from heeseung's bowl ignoring the way u jolted at his touch as he grins, he kept doing that taking u by surprise everytime he does it, you were starting to get so hot after what they are doing heeseung throwing some groans and sighs so close to ur ears whenever he eats something, plus sunghoon's touches.

Heeseung asked u if he could call his phone because he doesn't know where he left it, confused as to why he asked u specificly when sunghoon was just here playing with his but u gave it to him forgetting that u already has his number after stalking him on social media just to see some of his stories that he just shared in his number, Heeseung wanted to make sure if the unknown number he keeps seing is really urs curious as to how far u went, and yeah he was sure the moment he composed four of his phone number on ur screen and he saw his name on it, he smiled more amused than creeped, he could of embarrass u here and expose u but it would be more fun if it's only u two, so he earesed the numbers and give u ur phone back saying that he just remembered where he put it and u didn't think that much about it until u saw a scene in the movie where the female lead was calling one of her friends and then it clicked to u, u gasped quietely eyes looking at heeseung trying to read his face "did he saw his number?".

But heeseung didn't say anything appart from raising his brow in question and saying "what?". Joy insisted to watch another movie too bored to do anything, siyeon on the other hand excused herself going to sleep, u didn't want to leave Joy here alone with the guys in case she'd feel uncomfortable so u just stayed: noo this movie needs darkness can we close the curtains Jay?. Jay noded closing the curtains and going back to sleep in the other end of the couch. U adjusted the way u r sitting lying into the couch u kicked sunghoons leg by mistake saying "sorry" as he didn't even bother to answer u, too focused on his phone it got u curious but as soon as u peeked there u regretted ur decision, "is he watching porn here? Wtf?" Ur eyes got wide face red so surprised at his action, u reached for the water drinking a bunch and going back to ur place , after a while heeseung asked sunghoon about what he was watching making ur face go red again, thinking that he would say something as "nothing important" or whatever but instead he showed him, his phone right into ur sight shocked u look at him but again he is not even paying attention to ur existance both of them acting as u r not between them right now, discussing how eager the woman in the video is, how they'd ruin her and give her exactly what she needs, u felt so aroused there, u know u shouldn't but ain't no way u wont with how much teasing both of them were giving u before and now that they are doing this u need to run from here but the thing is that u couldn't, u were locked between them, body stuck there, u couldn't even move, as the guy in the video slapped his dick on the woman's face heeseung chuckled deeply "look at how small her face looks next to his cock how would it look next to mine, i bet her face would disappear" hearing his words u let out a small whimper, u've always fantasied about heeseung, how he'd look while being pleasured, how big his cock would be, how would he fuck, and now that he is here claiming that he has a huge cock u can't help it but whimper shifting on ur seat uncomfortably, pussy itching.. Heeseung felt his cock twitch inside his pants from the sound u let out, containing his groan, he loved that face u had after listening to his words. Sunghoon smirked at u knowing exactly how shameless u can be, and how easy it was to make u horny, he in fact didn't caught u that time alone, it was actually u who caughted him for the first time, he used that bathroom a lot and everytime he does he knows that u'd be there getting off on something stupid.

So now he isn't even surprised, seing how ur thighs keep rubbing together, he kept playing the video throwing some comments here and there making it hard for u to not let out a sound, for a moment u forgot that u r on a variety show, thanks god that they still hasn't installed the cameras in this room or u'd be gone. U throw a look at Joy sighing in relieve when u saw how her eyes are so into the movie, Jay as well is long gone sleeping. This whole situation that u r into now is insane to u, it is one of ur very long fantasies and the fact that they are ignoring ur presence is driving u more insane. Clicking on anothor video of a woman dressed up as a kitten with her collar on kneeling before as what seems her master heeseung sighed "so he is into that?" U thought very interested as to what is gonna happen shame long gone u watched with curious eyes as he pulled on her leash guiding her to his cock before ordering her to open her mouth, pulling her hair harshely and started fucking her mouth, not caring about how she is gagging on his side, eyes watering as her face became so red, ur mouth opened in an o as u watch him use her as he want u gulp loudly at that, both heeseung and sunghoon looking ur way focusing now on ur face rather than the video, eyes dark and sharp, drinking ur expressions, sunghoon dragged his hand again on ur thigh making u leave a small moan, bitting his lower lip agressively ohhh how he wished to take u here in front of everyone hearing u moan again and again as he used u, especially after u put ur hand on his wrist digging ur nails on his flech, hips shamelessly grinding forward, he groaned deeply his cock twitching so hard, seeing this heeseung couldn't help it but to pat his cock on top of his pants hiding his action with the large pillow he has on his lap. U couldn't contain urself after sunghoon touched u, it was as if you reached ur limit u didn't know what to do ur hand guiding sunghoon's hand upward he hissed after sensing ur wetness on top of ur shorts he cursed deeply "so fucking wet, ur gonna ruin the couch" u moan ashamed but not much as u grind on his hand eyes shutting brain washed and clear nothing running there but for u to release ur stress, heeseung leaned in ur ear whispering quitely"looks at u now, getting off on sunghoon's hand in front of everyone, pretending to be innocent all the time while in reality ur just a horny eager little thing" he licked ur earlobe taking ur hand to palm his crotch, u moan sensing how hard and big he is he chuckled "what? Liked that? Do u think u can take it" u just moaned occupied with sunghoon's hand that pressed hard on ur clit and then disappeared, whining u open ur eyes barely managing to not shut them, sunghoon's fingers digged in ur thighs harshely "when someone ask u a question u have to answer little one or u wont get what u want" u pout hand still working on heeseung as u look at him almost crying u were so close u barely managed to get these words out "i can take everything, so please touch me". Sunghoon patted ur cheek in a menacing way before he whispered "that's more like it slut" U moaned at the degrading name taking his hand again and placing it inside ur shorts u almost screamed when his cold fingers pressed on ur clit hand moving in a fast circular motion making ur toes curl, everything about sunghoon's touch is harsh he took one of ur breasts kneeding it roughly u were afraid it gonna burst in his hand, heeseung took the other one circling ur nipple until it became hard and he tugged on it pinching it u almost let out a scream if it wasn't for his other hand that covered ur mouth hard, u felt like u were in heaven touched and gropped this way was something u always craved

ur eyes opened a little meeting Jay's that is on the other end watching u while mouthing quietly to not let Joy notice "so sluty" "very pathetic" he clenched his jaw regreting sitting that far but enjoying the show nontheless, u look so hot like that sweating hand pressed on ur lips covering any sound breasts gropped ahhh how soft and squechy they'd feel around his hands, ur hand palming heeseung's crotch skilfully nails pretty and beautiful just to be ruined by cum, you look so fucked out now shaking in sunghoon's hand eyes rolling back trying to remove his hand from how sensitive u are but he is too strong for u to do that, he kept moving his hand until u let out a tear chuckling deeply at ur state as heeseung freed his cock from his pants and started moving ur hand faster groaning right in ur ears so close to his release he had to let go of ur lips to bit his hand and supress any sound, not long after, u felt ur hand getting sticky moaning at this feeling u miss it so much, heeseung kept going until he emptied his balls, satisfied to see ur hand full of his cum, if only u were alone here he'd make sure u don't waste a drop of it, sunghoon guided his fingers full of ur slick into ur mouth making u suck on them "that's right make them clean whore" u moaned on his fingers driving him insane as he pushed his fingers deeper in your throat u almost gagged but held it, not wanting to make Joy who has seen everything through the screen's reflection notice, with a pop sunghoon removed his fingers letting go of ur breast as heeseung did the same, standing and leaving u there like a mess looking at jay shamefully as he shrugged his head disapointed.

U excused urself running to ur room face as red as a tomato u washed ur hand moaning after seeing how full of cum it is, u can't help it but wish that they follow u to ur room to finish what they were doing not satisfied fully by what they gave u, pussy still clenching around nothing, u sighed flustrated. Changing ur clothes u went to ur bed thinking about what just happened the fact that Jay saw u is turning u on more than it should, after minutes of thinking u find urself sleeping so tired from today's event. U woke up to a text notification, telling u that u'll be headed to a restaurant to meet the last contestant. U smiled excited to eat outside properly, picking a tight black dress with a golden chain on the collar, wearing ur favourite heels and applying a red lipstick, satisfied with ur look u wore some parfum going to ur bed to pick ur bag before u hear a knock again. Gulping and adjusting ur dress u opened the door just to find urself thrown to the wall hand tightly wrapped around ur lips, u widen ur eyes taking a back fromhow fast that happened just to see Jay looking at u darkely, jaw clenched as he come closer whispering with his other hand lifting ur dress and reaching inside ur panties hissing as u feel a weird object enter u "U really thought i'd act like nothing happened ha?" He rubbed the toy on ur folds making u moan quietly, "u see i couldn't bear the fact that i was left out " he continue rubbing on ur folds only faster this time making u squirm over his hand, he chuckled deeply "so i figured out i should teach u a lesson" he leaned on ur ears whispering "u r gonna have this inside u all the time at the diner" he licked ur earlobe "u better act well or it'd be so embarrasing" u moaned at the thought, he leaned back scanny ur fucked out state hips following his hand mouvement eyes rolled back this is all too much for u he pressed harder on ur lips "m really so disapointed on u, how could u leave ur client out?" He removed his hand from ur panties only when u were about to come leaving u whining and positioned it on ur left hip "but again i didn't know u'd be so perveted letting two men use u in front of everyone" u whimper from humiliation gasping when his knee got between ur thighs pressing directly on ur core "i'll tease u a lot tonight" he grinded his knee on ur core making ur knees feel like jelly if it wasn't for the hold he has on ur hip u'd be on the floor now "i'll make sure u come to my room tonight crying and begging me to fuck u"

No cause Jay here is gonna be 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

[hijackalx]

FEMALE BG3 COMPANIONS TURN ONS/KINKS +18

MALE BG3 COMPANIONS

NON-COMPANIONS/NON-ORIGIN COMPANIONS

SHADOWHEART

HARD DOM

ISN’T THIS OBVIOUS i feel like she's so into being the dominant one regardless of whether she's on top or bottom. like dominatrix vibes for real. and she can be really mean too, like step on u/spit on u/whip u type of mean 😹😹 (me next) something about u being at her command is just sooo hot. she loves that you’ll do anything for her

WAXPLAY

i think she'd want this done to u AND her. like she's the type to pour it down ur chest or neck while she's riding u. i can't decide if she'd like to use colorful candles or all black candles 🤔 dark purple would be sexy actually. she likes how u flinch when it touches u. BUT she also likes how it feels on herself (that's probably how she gets off seeing it happen to u cuz she knows how good it feels 🤤). might tease u by pouring it on herself and making u watch

LEATHER/LATEX

yeah like full BDSM gear and all that lol. i think she would like the full body latex suits i dont actually know what they're called (shocker i know) but think velma in the one live action scooby doo movie LMAO

DOUBLE PENETRATION

i feel like she would be into either being tag-teamed herself or tag-teaming u with a strap lol. but also it doesn't have to involve another person it could be u riding a toy while also sucking off her strap and vice versa. i think if ur the one getting fucked she'd want another dom person to join because she gets off on seeing u be submissive

BODY WORSHIP

she would 100% want u to treat her like the princess she is. praise her body/figure and tell her how much u love it. leave kisses all over, maybe fuck in front of a mirror so u can actually show her how much u love her body. she’d probably do the same for u just a bit more nasty LMAO like the shit she says will be intense

LAE'ZEL

PETPLAY

OKAY this one i had dragonborns in mind lol but also it could work for anybody. like u guys can't tell me she wouldn't be into collaring/leashing u and having u do as she asks. will call u things like "pet" or "pup"

BRAT TAMING

now i know everybody thinks that SHE would be the one taming U but i honestly think it's the other way around OOP. like i think she likes when someone takes charge and pushes her around.... like she's just dying for somebody to come by and force her to take down that hard exterior of hers. u just have to prove urself to her first is all

BONDAGE

once she trusts u she will want u to tie her up. maybe would be into shibari? like i mean intense bondage. full body. she'll call u out on some pussy shit if u hold back and go easy on her 😹 she definitely wants it to hurt too and to be able to see marks/bruises left behind from it after

SIZE DIFFERENCE

if anyone is a size queen it's lae'zel LMAO. but this also plays into the whole brat taming/proving urself thing like if ur big and physically intimidating then she's more likely to respect u. she just likes the pain from trying to make u fit too though. and the accomplished feeling afterwards lol

PRAISE

i see her as somebody who is lowkey insecure. like she needs constant validation otherwise she feels like she's not doing good enough. so let her hear u !!!! let her know how good she's doing and how good she feels. tell her that she's beautiful and that ur proud of her. literally anything just don't be dead silent she will get up and walk away 💀

KARLACH

PEGGING

she wears the strap ALMOST exclusively. sometimes she'll make exceptions but most of the time she just prefers to be the one doing the fucking. this goes for AMAB and AFAB obviously. she loves the way it feels to be able to make u feel good and fuck u to the point of cumming. i don't really think it's a control thing she just likes to please u (and she usually has too much energy to bottom lol)

SIZE DIFFERENCE

LOVVVESSSS how big she is compared to u. like it makes her feel so strong and capable. particularly interested in how big her hands are compared to urs and also how easy it is to balance u on her thigh. she'll want to pick u up and fuck u, it's one of her favorite positions. she just loves how easy it is to manhandle u in general

MOMMY DOM

i think this would start out as a joke and then snowball into an actual kink of hers lol. she's usually a soft dom when it comes to this. as in lots of praise and saying stuff like "cum for momma baby". i don't really see her being a hard dom (maybe on special occasions?)

LINGERIE

if u dress up in lingerie for her she will actually LOSE IT. like it makes u look so dainty and sexy at the same time. she loves the ones that have the thigh garters because she likes to play with them. i think she really likes the feeling of the lace but also adores the fluffy ones too

EDGING

she likes this done to the both of u. i feel like she'll try to prolong the sex for as long as she can or maybe tease u/get u horny in public and leave u like that for soooo long, that way when u guys finally fuck it's like EXPLOSIVE from being so pent up lmao. BUT she also likes when u do it to her too. i can see this being especially exciting for her because she's so raring to go all the time 😹 it's like a fun little challenge

MALE BG3 COMPANIONS

NON-COMPANIONS/NON-ORIGIN COMPANIONS

[pali-and-proud]

analysis on buddy i beg 🙏🙏 (if its alr with you ofc)

Babe I cannot stress enough how much I love talking about our purple goth histironic antisocial petty freak of a fan favorite character. Absolutely. Strap in 'cause this is going to be long.

(edit: lmao guys this is long. Like I know some people told me they didn't mind the lengths of my other posts--thank you so much for that, by the way, y'all are so sweet--but i am most definitely pushing it with this one. Get urself something sweet to drink, youll be here a while.)

Let's start with early Buddy!

Episode 3 is the closest we get to understanding early Buddy's motives, and it isn't great--he outright mutters to himself that he needs to get "the obnoxious brat" out of the stories + get the key back. This cements two things: one, that Buddy is the antagonist, and two, that Buddy dislikes Chase.

(Note: I know that Buddy isn't really the antagonist, and that he...lmao...does not dislike Chase. But! Early Buddy is not Crushing-Badly Buddy, so bear with me.)

He ALSO reveals, in the same episode, that he needs to get the key before the old man finds out something's missing. This implies a higher power (which we know now to be Ex Libris), and the episode ends by zooming in on a book with a page ripped out. The episode before had that page, so we know the page detailed how to use the keys and what they were, but keeps the mystery of how the ripped page made it to Chase.

The point: Buddy acts as an antagonist to Chase, yes, but he also has a motive and a deadline. Get Chase out and get the key back before (assumingly) Ex Libris finds out.

With this in mind, Buddy's...tactics...start making a little more sense. He drops pots of dirt on Chase, frames Chase for murder and arson (possiblyyy to be petty), splashes water on Chase, drops a bucket on his head, fills Chase's shoes with worms and bugs (sidenote: Buddy loves insects. Chase hates insects. Someone please write that down PLEASE), sets traps to snag the kid, etc etc. We know he's doing this to get Chase out, but we can infer that there's a consequence if he doesn't.

He also drops more information about his perspective in his arguement with Chase in ep4, where he tells Chase he doesn't deserve the keys and implies that Buddy does deserve them (and, also, that other people use the keys). He despises cheating (shout out to later Buddy, who "hates liars"), and he is completely convinced that Chase will give up sooner or later.

But then the original Cinderella story happens. And it's a turning point, because it's the first time Buddy actively helps Chase. Yes, it's with the end goal of getting Chase to leave (he bets on the key), but it's the closest we get to seeing Buddy in a non-antagonistic role.

Important to note here is that Buddy makes sure to tell Chase: when you lose, don't think you can lie your way out of it. We've never seen Chase lie to Buddy (lol not for, like, another 50 chapters), but we DO see Buddy maintain this theme of assuming Chase will lie/cheat. And it's kinda fascinating, because lying/cheating/manipulating is something pretty villainous, and since Buddy keeps expecting that from early Chase, you can argue that Buddy's typecasted Chase as his own antagonist.

Even so, we see tiny peeks of later! Buddy. He sees Chase desperate for the cakes/snacks, and even though he's insulting about it, he does tell him that he can eat it. He could, hypothetically, let Chase continue to avoid the food here (since it would help coax him out of the stories), but Buddy doesn't.

In fact, this whole story, Buddy never lies. He tells Chase exactly what is about to happen. And when Chase is happily escaping, he notes Buddy's shaded expression (somewhere between pensive and tired, to be honest), and wonders why Buddy tried to help him.

This could be, honestly, the moment Chase realized there was more to Buddy than surface-level.

And then we get to ep13, where Buddy and Chase are in the Princess-Tutor-Dancing scene. There are so many little things in this scene: Buddy complaining that everything in the stories is a waste of time to Chase, acknowledges that he deviated from the other story, and admits that he didn't win the bet. We see a moment of guilt or dissatisfaction from Buddy when Chase says Silver deserves better than to be stuck with someone like him, and he knows the keys only help if they were on speaking terms with whoever they worked with.

Chase asks how he knows Buddy's going to keep his word, and Buddy responds by stressing that he'd be more surprised by Chase being honest. Which kinda brings me to my bigger point: So far, we haven't seen Buddy lie...at all.

Also, Chase slaps Buddy. This is mostly just really funny to me and also relevant for later.

AND NOW LATER BUDDY. I warned you that this would be long.

We get to the Toffee Arc, and we start on one of my favorite details about Buddy: the guy loves touch. He sees Chase with someone new, and immediately he's pressing a hand and his whole face against Chase's hair. He also doesn't love that Chase doesn't reciprocate the touch, but in Chase's defense, this is the first time Buddy's actively touched Chase (outside of them dancing and/or Chase slapping him).

He also loves touch that isn't necessarily from Chase. He loves getting pets from the Duke, and he doesn't even like the Duke. I know some people hypothetize this is from touch starvation, which is absolutely possible, but it is pretty interesting that Buddy has absolutely no shame or embarrassment whatsoever in recieving tactile affection. Most notably because he never, ever actually asks for it.

Also, since a lot of people have pointed out the symbolism of the yellow flowers and the purple vines: this is the first overlap we have of them! It's specifically when Buddy's warning Deacon against being on his bad side: it has faded yellow flowers in the background (all of which are shaded and appear almost tainted), bright yellow bulbs that are untainted, and purple vines.

Personally? I think this is when Buddy starts developing his crush.

Buddy following this scene/ep with him bugging Chase and Deacon about their relationship with one another really truly does not help his case. Neither does Deacon mentioning that he's heard about Buddy and Buddy immediately asking for details. Get some self-control, man.

(Deacon tells him that Chase didn't really say anything good about him and Buddy outright says he isn't surprised. Buddy's not oblivious to his actions, but he's still justifying it through the motive we established ages ago: he needs to get Chase [and now, Deacon] out of the stories. Which he reminds us by immediately trying to trick Deacon out.)

Also, Buddy keeps saying "We'll" get the keys back, implying himself alongside Ex Libris (unless Buddy's already separated from them, which is a theory some people have). I just think it's important to note, particularly for later, when we see that Buddy doesn't have a good relationship with them.

Chase, though, does ask Buddy for any words of advice. Buddy refrains from offering any, but it does reinforce the fact that Buddy had been more forthcoming with book assistance in the recent episodes than before. It's almost like the more he recognizes Chase isn't really an antagonst, the more he's willing to help.

Also, I don't know if this counts as manipulation? But Buddy tells Deacon that Chase was confident in how to continue the story, despite knowing Chase was not (BUT Chase was trying to pretend that he was--so kind of a loophole, I guess?). Interesting that the first maybe-manipulation by Buddy was towards Deacon.

We also learn a new thing about Buddy! He loves to talk. He talks with the Duke, insulting him left and right, despite being a cat. Earlier, when he was in the Cinderella story, he was chatting with one of the background characters. We see him later listening and idly talking with one of the princes; the guy likes to yap, essentially.

(It's also kinda funny because Buddy likes to flirt? But he doesn't do it that often, and he almost always seems to prefer flustering by touch then verbally. He sits on a prince's lap within seconds of love-dosing him. He's shameless.)

We have Chase calling out Buddy for being jealous that Chase brought someone along, and Chase wondering if Buddy is that desperate for attention. The short answer is yes. The long answer is this entire post.

I do love that this is the first time we see Buddy flustered, and he immediately resorts to threats of violence. This becomes a pattern. I love him so much.

(Buddy revealing that he knows Chase's name while openly flirting with him and then shoves Chase away when Chase realizes that Buddy does know his name. He's got two modes, Cool/Collected and violently awkward /j)

Chase kicks the thing out of Buddy's hand. Which is only relevant 'cause that makes the actual physical assault 2-0 Chase. But it also leads to Buddy being thrown in the water, which we know he hates, and Buddy ends the arc by thinking about how Chase could prove useful.

Then we have Beach Boys. This is the iconic arc, and easily one of my favorites. Shocker, I know. I like the arc where they have fun and then argue and then apologize and then bicker again.

Buddy reminds us that he has a much better understanding of the keys than Chase or Deacon, and that he's perfectly good at utilizing loopholes. Remember how earlier, I said Buddy hates cheating? He's fine with cheating the system, so long as he isn't cheating for the reward.

Chase also notices that it seems like Buddy's good at everything (with the exception of sparking a fire). Buddy can hunt fish, but can't cook them. We know, of course, that Buddy can be diplomatic (we've seen that), and we know Buddy can dance. And frame people for various crimes. And, also, poision people. A man of many talents.

We also learn Buddy loves chocolate. He sees chocolate bars, and he so clearly desperately wants one, but it's really not until Chase offers any that Buddy takes. We never, ever see Buddy ASK for anything.

Chase comments that Buddy acts like Ex Libris locks him up and never feeds him, and Buddy just shudders. Chase repeats again, asking if Ex Libris feeds him, and Buddy doesn't answer.

Interestingly, we know that Buddy has claustraphobia. We know Buddy has not lied yet to Chase. And we know Buddy didn't respond to Chase.

So technically, even when Chase learns that Buddy'd been pretending to sleep to try to coax out information from Chase, Buddy was right: he told Chase his intentions from the beginning. Buddy has never, ever, ever actually lied to Chase.

Yes, he didn't contradict anything Chase said. But we also know, from Buddy's reactions, that he genuinely didn't expect Chase to be hurt, because he didn't think Chase was being genuine.

He typecasted Chase as his antagonist, and this arc marks the start of Buddy realizing he might have been wrong. That maybe Chase really was this nice.

Chase tells Buddy he deserves whatever he gets, and Buddy doesn't disagree. It's reoccuring: Chase tells Buddy he deserves to suffer, or he deserves what happens, or the keys deserve better than him, and Buddy doesn't argue.

And then Buddy decides: you know what. Violence.

Throughout this active arguement, Buddy reveals so much about his own mindset. Chase offering to drive over to wherever Buddy is becomes Chase trying to weasel a location out of him. Chase trying to help was Chase trying to manipulate. "You're just as self-serving. You're not better than me!" is CAKED with projection.

Buddy mocks Chase's desire to be friends, and he mocks what he sees as a savior complex, because to Buddy, Chase's selfless persona is all hypocritical: he knows Chase wants to make a wish.

And it's this projection, coupled with the anger of what he sees as Chase's useless manipulation, that makes him finally react when Chase (once again) tells him he deserves whatever happens. Buddy hates that idea--hates that he might actually deserve whatever Ex-Libris is doing to him--and he's so furious that he's genuinely just lashing out. And he hurts Chase.

This is where I'm going to glance back at Chase slapping Buddy and Chase kicking at Buddy's hand and cough awkwardly. This isn't the first time one of them has resorted to violence (although it IS the first time Buddy has, excluding the black eye Chase got in the first episode, but that was from a fight Chase initiated). It is the first time it's resulted in actual blood, though.

It's just something to note that Buddy could try to defend himself--could point at Chase's attacks from before--and instead immediately drops his weapon and looks so genuinely upset for the first time.

And now we regress back to Chase telling Buddy he's scum, he's a monster, and Buddy doesn't argue.

But he apologizes. And we get his thoughts for the first time--recognizing he needs to apologize now, and wishing he was better at it. He apologizes the way he usually initiates conversation with Chase: he starts by rambling about the story. The cut isn't real, even if it hurts, and Chase will be okay, and he's sorry, and he didn't think Chase actually wanted to help, and he lost his temper, and he never meant to cause harm.

He's not willing to call a real truce yet, because he knows it's going to break eventually. But he does help Chase with his coconut, and gets genuinely happy/amused when Chase gets excited.

Buddy likes Chase, guys. I'm not just talking about a crush or attraction or anything. He likes seeing Chase happy. He doesn't like seeing Chase sad. At some level, by this point, he does see Chase as a friend. Which is nice and sweet, but then you look back at Chase insulting and snapping at Buddy and Buddy not arguing, and it gets a little bittersweet.

And then Buddy "cleans Chase's cheek." I know what you are.

Sick Day, we see Chase sick, and we see Buddy fret over him. He fusses over Chase to the point where he fully forgets plot-relevant details, like poison. I love headcanons that view Buddy as forgetful, especially if one were to take Buddy and apply PTSD symptoms to him (#PsychMajor) but I'm not willing to give the guy a psychological analyzation until AFTER we get details on his background. But oh guys, I will be so annoying when I can finally put nature vs nurture into action.

Again, we see Buddy genuinely concerned over Chase. Concerned to the point of forgoing everything he's supposed to do in the story to follow Chase, even though he maintains his claim that he's merely walking in the same direction as Chase. (once again, idk if that counts as lying? But it's definitely not manipulative).

The reason this is important is because Buddy's concerned for Chase, but when Chase asks him to help by telling Deacon to leave, Buddy asks what he gets out of it. And it isn't even with a specific angle: he genuinely wants to know what benefit he gets to convincing Deacon to leave.

Remember Buddy's early motive? To get Chase and Deacon out and grab their keys before "the old man" notices? Yeah, that's on hold, evidently.

Chase tells him that he'd get the satisfaction of helping someone, and Buddy squints and fully rejects the plausibility of that. Which is so interesting, because he has helped Chase before (via giving him information, or opening a coconut, or even this arc, by making sure the kid doesn't faint on the stairs) without really getting anything out. Again, I know what you are, Buddy. absolutely useless in the presence of a cute boy

And despite all of that, Buddy doesn't hesitate to run after Chase. Doesn't hesitate to save Deacon when Chase faints. He even goes so far as to grab Chase's stuff, even though he completely forgot and forgoes the literal poision that he's supposed to be in charge of.

It isn't that Buddy doesn't know how to be good. It's that Buddy does good, but both doesn't recognize that he's doing something good AND doesn't acknowledge that he's doing something good for Chase. He isn't oblivious to the bad he's done--just oblivious to the good.

Think of it in terms of the speech Buddy gave Deacon. If there are times you need to be a hero, and times you need to be a helper, then it goes to reason that there are times you need to be villainous. But Buddy doesn't need to be villainous anymore, right? He's aware that Chase isn't actually an antagonist, that Chase isn't actually a problem. He's aware that his treatment of Chase was entirely one-sided. And that's only reinforced by Chase giving him an entire bag's worth of vitamins and food.

Like, to Buddy's credit, how do you even respond to that. A whole bag's worth of food. Non-perishables. Chocolate. And we know Chase doesn't even have the money to really afford that, but Buddy doesn't, and Buddy's already rendered speechless.

We know that in the All That Glitters arc, Buddy didn't thank Chase. And we know that's because Buddy assumed Chase had to want something in exchange. Because what kind of a person would be so genuinely selfless as to give someone an entire bag's worth of food.

We know, exactly one arc later, that Buddy did thank Chase. He makes sure to tell Chase he's capable of feeling grateful. Remember all the stuff Chase told him, when they were arguing? About being a monster, and being scum? It's almost like Buddy's trying to humanize himself to Chase, or something. Because WE know Chase doesn't actually see Buddy as a monster, but Buddy doesn't.

Buddy reminds Chase that he doesn't have to care, and he doesn't have to worry, right before returning Prunella's book and apologizing for looking inside. Again, and I cannot stress this enough, Buddy could have just...lied...and said he didn't look inside, or just not mentioned it at all, but he doesn't. Buddy...doesn't really lie.

He apologizes AGAIN for accusing Chase of being underhanded. We know Buddy has a lot of guilt, and we know Buddy's never been unaware of his actions, but it is really interesting to see that Buddy actually has a pretty tight moral code. Chase just...wasn't on the right side of it for a while.

And now we're at the Requium arc. And Buddy had to deal with being woefully ignored by Chase, and then went against the story to get Chase to not marry the vampire, and then got locked in a coffin. And honestly, nowhere near enough people have pointed out how quickly Buddy fell to apologizing and begging forgiveness--he hadn't done anything, but he didn't care. Buddy doesn't lie, remember? Not nearly as often as he acts like he does. But he was desperate, and he begged his apologies for things he knew he/his character hadn't done.

And when Chase let him out, he hugged him.

Remember what I said, in the Toffee arc? Buddy loves tactile affection, and Buddy never asks for it. He was desperate to get out, and he got out, and he needed a hug, and he got one.

And when Buddy realized the hug he needed hurt Chase? That the vines he covered himself in, the barbs he prided himself in, were causing actual harm? Immediate guilt, with him mentioning how often he hurts Chase. And this time, Chase is quick to deny it--he tells him not to worry, that it's completely fine.

But Buddy hurt Chase, so Buddy fixes it: he gets rid of the vines. Get's rid of the thorns. He's literally shedding a shield, a protection. Because the vines he coated himself in didn't protect him from the real problem (Drac), but just hurt the only person trying to help him.

Someone said it before, but Buddy LIKES his outfits. He likes them being intricate and detailed. But that didn't matter, because it hurt Chase, so Buddy got rid of it.

And after he sheds the outer protection, he's a bit more expressive. It's subtle, but he doesn't shy from openly telling Deacon he trusts Chase. He also locks Deacon outside the door to be potentially mauled by wolves, but nobody's perfect. He doesn't hesitate to remind Deacon of the baby teeth comment, either: this is his petty retribution for that joke, and he stands by it. Deacon asks why Buddy's wrestling with the bottom half of a vampire, and Buddy isn't sure.

And finally. Buddy realizing Chase lied to him. Buddy being so deeply, genuinely, painfully taken aback. Buddy, after apologizing again and again and again, after feeling guilty for suspecting Chase and for hurting Chase and for misreading Chase, after trying to figure out how to humanize himself without lying about who he is and what he plans to do (remember? get Chase out? get the keys?), discovers that Chase lied to him after all.

So in the end, Buddy just wants to be good. He doesn't really lie, and his manipulations are really just exploiting loopholes, and he doesn't actively want to hurt anyone. He's truly not malicious, but he's aware that's the role he's been given (figuratively and literally). And there are times you need to be the hero, or the helper, or the villain. And he's trying to figure out what role he can be, since he's really only had to play the villain. Remember: if Buddy wasn't the villain, Chase wouldn't have tried to do the whole Cinderella book. He wouldn't have met Silver, or Bronze, or Goldie. He wouldn't have known anything.

I hope this makes sense :) And I am mildly sorry for this being so long and much more impressed with anyone that stuck on this long.

[n0tamused]

Hiya!! I have a WuWa request, how about Reader stargazing with Jiyan and them talking about some deep topic of ur choice while stargazing? Only if you’re up for it tho! Don’t push urself. Have a good day!

A/N: Thank you for your request anon! I hope you enjoy this :)

Contents: Jiyan x GN!Reader, angst and sadness

Low calls of an owl echo over the breath of the breeze, the soft sighs of nature enveloping you in its embrace. Your head is supported by the lush grass, and Jiyan’s bicep that he insisted you lay on. His tone was low and a soft timbre compared to its commanding tone when he was performing his duties. Jiyan’s body exudes warmth and comfort, and in all the ways you needed him, he was there.

“You shouldn’t be so reckless..” He’d mutter, golden eyes dark from drinking in the serene, dark scenery up above. Little stars were freckled across the sky like little faded droplets of milk, counting up to billions of the same, yet not one less beautiful than the other. 

The towering mountains sprouted from the ground so high, long rocks fingers reaching as far as possible, as if trying to grasp the fading lights and the moon itself.

“I know.. I try, Jiyan. Yet, I really can’t just stand by and watch, especially when I see you in the midst of it all, surrounded or cornered..” you respond back, quiet, not willing to disturb this serenity.

He hums, wordlessly in disagreement of your response yet he can’t bring himself to say anything in that exact moment. His mind is plagued by images of your exhausted form slumping behind a fallen tree trunk, and skin grimy with sweat and dirt. 

“I know you mean well, and you are doing your best. Yet, you are not a Midnight Ranger, love, you are not a soldier. This.. battlefield is not your place to be in” Jiyan says, his gaze leaving the midnight sky and falling on you, seeing the way your nose curved and how your eyes were much darker in the absence of a lamp or a fire. “I am the General, the leader of these men, and I don’t need you to step in for me, love..”

He sees your eyes lower to stare at nothing in particular, lashes fluttering while your throat bobbed with unease. His words rang true, but you couldn’t find yourself accepting them.  

“I need you alive... and I need you safe. While I can do my absolute best at shielding you while you are here, I cannot stand true to my promise to you if you’re jumping head first into hot water. Not when you do so behind my back”

“Jiyan… “ you sigh, trailing off, your lips opening and then closing as you try to pry your brain for a response that would get him to be more lenient, to see your side too.

“I know..” you say, your eyes finding his as you turn your face towards him. “I know.. I know you are doing your best, and I don’t wish to burden you with my-” “You are not a burden” “I know, Jiyan- let me talk.. please”

His lips press into a firm line and he gives you a small nod, encouraging you to keep going while his eyes apologize for cutting you off. One hand came to trace your cheek, he was almost laying on his side now.

“I don’t want to make your time more difficult, especially not when we’re in the middle of a battle. But don’t send me back to the city, please.. I can’t bear not being close to where I can see you. I am still useful here, perhaps not as a professional warrior or a soldier or a gunner, but I can help and I can learn too.. You talk about your promise to keep me safe, but what about our promise to stay alive... and with each other?”

Your question renders his thumbing of your cheeks slow before his fingers stop altogether in tracing your features, instead cupping the side of your face in his calloused palm. “I haven’t forgotten about that..'' he simply replies, the heaviness in his chest too great, making him unable to sigh to rid himself of it.  Fatigue hangs heavy over your heads, but neither of you are willing to cut the conversation or this moment short.

“Don’t send me back.. There is nothing for me there..” Not without you- it goes without being said, and he feels it in his bones that he can’t argue with you on this, you’ll both remain stubborn on your stances. He knows he’ll have to put restrictions on you, to keep you safe, but until then he’ll enjoy this night of reprieve with you. The tent he sleeps in feels like a bed of nettles without you, and the way he’s comfortable laying on nothing more but this lush grass speaks volumes of that. He does not feel cold or irritated. Jiyan is at peace.

But he has to send you back, he tells himself, but not yet.. Tomorrow, or maybe the day after, until you forget about this conversation, and until the next cargo drop off comes in. Then, he’ll send you back.

“And we will be together, my love. You must be patient. You are my northern star in these dark nights, are you aware of that? The most precious person to me, one I hold within my heart itself.. I can’t afford to lose you..” he whispers to you as you watch him with pleading and loving eyes. You tip your chin up, brushing your nose against his and with that simple motion he is leaning in to grant your wordless wish, satiating your desire for closeness with a kiss to your lips.

The arm underneath your head stirs and he wraps it around his shoulders, bringing you in closer, flush against him, and you’re wrapping your arms around him and kissing him with fervor and unspoken love. Closer, closer, stay with me, don’t leave..

He holds you with such tender touches, holds you like you may fade away like sunlight before the long night, feather light touches tracing your cheeks and chin and moving towards the back of your head. He pulls away for a moment, his forehead pressing against yours as you both inhale the same air. “I love you” - it’s you who blurts it out before he gets the chance to do so, and his eyes widen with surprise. His heart drums in his chest, and he presses his lips to your again, in search of water to quell his worry, and for a forgiveness. Every note of love is interwoven in his actions, his touches and his kisses. Were the world any less cruel, it would have granted you two the eternity of this night, to forever be here and watch the skies in tranquility. 

Black night covers you both in a blanket of stardust and far galaxies, bringing you safety if only but this night alone, undisturbed by monsters or people. And as Jiyan pushes himself to his elbow to loom over you, chasing your lips, a lone star flies across the vast sky, flickering out and leaving behind a silver fading tail.

Maybe.. just maybe, the universe heard your wishes. 

Ⓒ n0tamused. Do not repost, translate, edit, and/or copy any of my works. Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

[honeytonedhottie]

the tea on self love⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🍵

the most important relationship that you're ever going to have during your lifetime is the relationship with yourself. its the longest relationship that you'll ever be in, therefore its crucial to make this relationship flourish.

first understand ; love is unconditional. theres no such thing as conditional love, if its conditional then it is NOT love. that means regardless of past mistakes, your love for yourself is still there and its still strong. the love for yourself is the only love that will always be there. because people change and they come and go, but you're with yourself ALL hours of the day, and forEVER.

because people change, you cannot rely on the love of others all of the time. the love that u feel for urself shouldn't decrease just because your surrounded by individuals who love you a lot. if anything ur self love should grow, but never shrink.

its easy to grow dependent on the love from others, your friends, family, partner.. but the truth of the matter is, if ur self love isnt solid and grounded then when that person inevitably changes or grows or leaves ur life, then you perception of self love will crumble.

practicing self love ; start asking yourself "how i feel today" or "what do i need/want today" be more conscious of urself and ur feelings, just as you would if u were being thoughtful and considerate to a friend or partner that you loved.

do not EVER speak badly about yourself. even in a "joking" manner. bcuz guess what, ur brain can't tell the difference between when ur joking and when ur being serious. your words have power!! the same love and support that u provide to ur friends when they've made a mistake is the same, if not more, support and love that u should give urself when u make mistakes.

often times we beat ourselves up over mistakes that we make but thats not healthy at ALL. make ur mind a peaceful, beautiful, and safe place to be, where u can cultivate ideas and growth. instead of a place where ur walking on eggshells all of the time bcuz ur scared of imperfection.

make a promise to yourself that regardless of how u feel or what happened in ur life, that you won't talk badly about yourself. only tell yourself good things!!

be conscious of how you treat urself ; are you considerate enough of ur own health or well being? if the answer is no, then what are you even doing? treat urself with tender love and care. if you feel tired, sleep. if you feel hungry, eat. if you long for something, give it to yourself. dont deny yourself anything and please please look after yourself.

ways to show yourself love depending on ur love language ; if u dont know ur love language, take this quiz ✨ and find out.

if ur love language is physical touch...

try yoga

take a bubble bath

buy a weighted blanket or one of those pregnancy pillows

if ur love language is receiving gifts...

go on solo trips

investing in yourself

buying gifts for urself when u go out

if ur love language is words of affirmation...

practice gratitude

practice saying ur affirmations out loud to urself

give yourself compliments

if ur love language is acts of service...

practicing self care

meal prepping meals that u know u love to eat

clean and organize ur space

if ur love language is quality time...

go for a relaxing walk

start journalling

try meditation

have some quiet time and replenish yourself, take a long nap, do whatever u need to do to show yourself that YOU LOVE YOU, bcuz u should 🫶🏽

the mindset of someone who loves themselves ;

"im going to give my body the best that i can possibly manage"

"my body is a temple, so im going to treat it as such"

"im going to be conscious of what i say and think to myself about myself, and only feed myself good thoughts"

[rosemarie333]

Astro Opinion(Vedic Sextologyyyy 🔞)

I should be sleep but at the same time I can’t because I want to do this one HEHEHEHE

Please do not read if under the age of 18.

ANYWAYSSSS this is my own opinion. All women are safe and sound here but not necessarily for the menzies LMAO sn sn all is welcomed buttttt my opinion is strong so beware. Also I am not well versed in astrology that well but I’m using my own opinion from my experiences with others soo hehe let’s get started!

I’m writing this and tbh I feel like a weird energy when saying this like someone is sitting my stomach and i feel like spinny like IMMA SPEAK WITH MY CHEST STOP IT SPIRIT

1. NOWWWWW girlie don’t ever get me started on a jupiterian man. They are the ones with the biggest THANGS ever but every one that i met doesn’t know how to rock the boat. Like how god bless u with a big one yet you not don’t nun?????? PLEASEEEEE help me. I remember my first ex who was a vishakha moon, uttara bhadprapada sun and jythesta rising like you would think he’d know what to do but baby no. LIKEEEEEEEEEEEE it was so many times i would leave unsatisfied and i don’t know why i kept going back😭😭😭😭. AND we had 7th house synastry AND FUCKING 5th house (well i did to him and my venus was in his 7th) and it still wasn’t good lol idk what lies i’ve been told but bitch 8th house synastry is where it’s at FUCK THE 5th ( i’m kidding LMAOOO)

2. Martian Men, please dm me🙏🏾. I know some people can’t handle the aggression and tbh i can handle it to an extent but like at the same time i love aggression (i’m a krittika sun and venus in kritikka in as my ak in my D9 which i’m not proud abt but I LIKE AGGRESSION). I had a fling with a Dhanishtha sun and Pushya moon man and omg it was great. I also watched Claire Natiki (love her!) where she talks about ashleshas wanting to be dominated and advising us to try martian people bc they have warmth to them we don’t have LMAO bc yk where serpents and we have this cold coiled energy which was SPOT ON BITCH he made me feel some thangs and really took me out of my shell. Too bad he was immature and he wanted to fit in with losers. i think he was a uttara phlanguni rising.

3. Moon men count your days. Y’all are so fucking conservative just like the ladies and for what? I dated a chitra sun man with a magha moon and i think ashlesha rising with a hasta venus and here i am reading that debilitating or fall placements do better than the exalted or the other one and BITCH WHERE WAS THAT IN HIM! LMAO LIKE his whole thing around sex was very tip toey and i respect that he wasn’t necessarily domineering and things but he wasn’t so nice to me in the sexual topic of things. i can attest i wasn’t the best either as reassuring him and i wasn’t perfect in the relationship 😭😭😭(bc i’m a sexual person he felt that i would cheat on him like nigga wtf u mean u cheated on everyone you have been like BE SCARED OF URSELF TF!) anyways he cheated on me and ghosted me after i stupidly took him back so💀 even i’m lunar dominant and i can be conservative at times but tbh i can’t and could never hide the fact that i’m a sexual girly 🤷🏾‍♀️. once i taught him what i liked it did get so much better tho ngl😋

4. Saturn mennn i have a love hate relationship with y’all likeeee very dominant which is what i like but y’all also sassy like how that works? LMAO

Never had an experience with solar men but they are very egotistical and yk CHEATERS so

Mercurial men idkkkkkkk i haven’t experienced any one of y’all so YALL SAFE or venusian men that i remember LMAO. But venusian men are def the type to fuck the baddest in the room for the status LMAO imo idk.

As someone with a sun DK and saturn AK lol 😭def a pattern i see but overall i think i had the best experiences with martian men tbh hehehe hbu y’all! (would love to hear other’s experiences)

[rubywithecat]

-First Night With Them-

(T/W: Minors do not interact as mature contents are included)

Summary: U are forced to marry them by your parent and feel shy for the first night with them after wedding as u are completely strangers to them.

Gojo Satoru

Waiting for him on the lavish bed in the new mansion u just moved, u were nervous. Gojo is so handsome and u thought u were going to marry an old ugly man as u only knew how rich he was. How can a person be both good-looking and rich and have a cool style. He is just a definition of perfection. U felt insecure now. What if he doesn’t like ur body? What would he think of u? Will he ever love u? Are u good enough? U had many thoughts about urself. Meanwhile, the door opened as Gojo walked inside the room after he had showered.

He looked at u lying on the bed in lingerie and smirked slightly. He doesn’t say anything tho he made a move onto the bed, coming close to u. U flinched and closed your eyes tightly. However, he held ur waist slowly and his fingers lifting up your face, making u look into his pretty blue eyes. “I want u to be a good girl for me tonight” he said. “Don’t be shy, sweetheart. I promise this won’t hurt” U gulped. But encouraged urself to say a word finally, getting a lil comfortable near him. He seems like a good person after all. And he is ur man now. U smiled with ur glossy lips and whispered into his eyes, “Please go slow. I like it slow and long” Gojo chuckled, proud of u for the courage to say what u would like.

“Don’t worry, Princess. I already said I will make u feel good, right?” He said as he slowly undressed u. “Ahh…Gojo” u moaned. “Gojo? Call me with my name bby. Don’t be a stranger” as he said u can feel him frowning. “Im sorry.. ah fck.. Satoru” u said again as his fingers slipped inside u. “Don’t c*m before me ok? That’s the only rule” he said as he undress himself. U guys finished at the same time after and he came on ur stomach. After that he laid next to u sleepily, his silvery hair being messy “U are so good and beautiful u know that, bby?” He said with his sleepy voice which is super hot. U were beyond happy by his praises and cuddled with him. He smiled and playing with ur hair as u guys having a chat, getting to know each other more.

Nanami Kento

“I would understand if u wanna sleep in separate bed” he said. He really is a gentleman u thought. But u decided that u will be playful with him. U bit ur lips and leaning closer to him. “U wanna leave ur newly wife alone Nanami?” U teased, looking at him with doe eyes, which he cannot resist. U could feel him turning red and blushed. “I mean if u wanna” he said, pretending he doesn’t realized anything that’s happening. Ur thighs on his laps as u face with him and being touchy around his chest, unbuttoning his shirt. Normally u don’t go flirty with any guys but he is ur husband after all and he is really cool and u completely melt at his serious personality.

Even tho it was an arranged marriage, u kinda felt lucky that u marry him. Tonight, u wanna go wild with him and make him breed u with his baby. It’s him who is feeling shy and u kinda like about that and u planned to go beyond his limit to tease.

Nanami knows ur intention and at last he couldn’t endure anymore. The way u looked at him with lust, turn him on so much that he now fck u with all his strength, rough and fast. He is so good that ur brain can’t think of anything except screaming his name and finished with all his c*m into ur womb.

In the morning, when u wake up he already left for work but he doesn’t forget to leave a lovely letter about how he enjoyed and he loves u. U smiled at it and maybe he is shy about telling u in person. U stood up to make the best meal for ur newly husband.

Toji Fushiguro

Toji is being a lil cocky here. He would not give a fck about u being ok with it or not, he would do anything to satisfy his need. After all, he had married once and he knows what to do. He told u to strip urself and fingers u as soon as u laid on him. “I know how to make u feel good so follow my lead, angel” he would say. He would be comparing of how good u r or not with his ex wife, which makes u go crazy and prove him that u are way better than his ex wife.

After that, he would leave u all the hickey, leaving marks on visible area that u are now his. U love the idea of it and u love him too. He can be a jerk but he also loves u so much in first sight. U forgive him as he gave u the best night after all.

Megumi Fushiguro

He is rather doesn’t care about what is supposed to do at wedding night at all. He just went straight to his practice. He doesn’t talk to u at all, thinking u don’t wanna be talked. U were confused about his actions and as u haven’t known him at all yet, u thought he is being a jerk. U called ur bestfriend on video call as u were bored, alone in bed room. “I think he is fcking asshole!” U said frustratedly to ur bff. “He doesn’t even look at me into eyes and I think he doesn’t want me. I feel so sad” U told her, without realizing he was standing behind u leaning the door, maybe hearing all the gossips u told about him.

Ur friend giggled and just hang up, wishing good luck with a hateful smirk. “Hey!! Don’t hang up!” U yelled as u don’t know what u r supposed to do. U could sense him, walking near u and from behind he said, “I’m sorry about that. I just thought u didn’t wanna talk to me as this marriage was arranged so soon so we didn’t get to know each other yet” U felt embarrassed.

“I know… I’m just…” u sighed, facing him. “Either way, we are still husband and wife so we should try our best at least dont u think?” U said in sad tone. He suddenly kissed ur lips softly, catching u off guard. “I’m so sry if I make u sad (y/n). I wanna get to know u more to be honest, I’m just feeling nervous around u. U gives me butterfly as soon as I saw u” he admitted.

Then u kissed him back and he lifted u to the table of his study and held ur hips tightly. “I want u” he whispered which makes u turn on. “I want u too, Megumi” u said as u grabbed his shoulder and hugged around the neck. “Make me yours” u said and he didn’t go gentle with u. He is a dominant type after all but still he knows ur need and also surprisingly, he reached ur soft spot fast and then finished quickly. “Next round, angel” he smirked, whipping his c*m on ur face.

Yuuji Itadori

He would be the most caring about u. He would ask u if u wanna watch movies with him or watch the stars in the sky at the balcony with him. U agreed to watch the stars at the balcony in his hoodie as u haven’t unpacked fully after moving. His smells felt like vanilla and he would be listening when u talk about urself, getting to know with u. He also tell all about himself and he seems to be a really good person that u fell in love immediately about his purpose of life and his cares about others.

After a while, u become cold so he held u tightly and silent occurs between u guys. U really wanna kiss him and he wanted to too but just awkward. U decided to make a first move and kissed him. He was surprised but kissed u back and then u guys the kiss became passionately. U got all shy after that and blushing. “Do u wanna go inside?” He asked. You nodded and then he carried u to the bedroom where he started to kiss u from ur sensitive areas around neck once u get laid down on the bed. Ur moaned made him crazy and he even left sone bite marks and tells u that he really likes u a lot and how he is so lucky to have u as his partner. He goes super gentle and takes good care of u too. “I’m c*mming” u said as rolling back ur eyes. He also finished at the same time, laughters filled with joy.

Sukuna Ryomen

He is kinda so demanding. He would tell like what women are supposed to do and have to give a child. He is so traditional and will even go as far as asking u if u r a virgin:)

“Ofc! I’m a virgin! But do u really need to ask?!” U got sensitive to how he treats u. He would smirked and laughed about how u got all shy and angry with him. He finds it cute tho. But he would tease u like how u turn on just by his touches and u got embarrassed. He would tell u to verbally say how good he is when he fck u and he is also so possessive type. However, when he would treat u like his queen as yk he is the king of curses after all. He finished right inside u and u could feel the warmth of his c*m. He kissed u deeply and fell asleep.

Hope u enjoy! Likes, shares and comments would be really helpful! Thanks babies! <33

[cosmic-ghost-hermit]

What is the best way for You to astral travel? pick a card

Hey homies! Please donate to my CashApp or interact with this post so I can do this full-time, thank you so much in advance for your support! The decks used to day are the Romance Lenormand, the Ethereal Visions Illuminated Tarot and the Necronomicon Tarot.

🌎Donate to my CashApp🦋

(please pay for my queer quality of life)

Take what resonates and leave the rest behind but always be open to new experiences.

Also here are some basic Astral Realm Tips

mirror's there are portals to other places (go through at ur own risk)

eating any food there will effect your physical reality

ask your guides for protection over your soul and your body before traveling

ground urself before you travel

_________

PILE ONE

Astrology: Pisces, Aquarius, Gemini

Song: Femininomenon by Chappell Roan

Vibes: Indigo, green, lavender, white, pomegranates, reading, 99, unicorn, plumbagos, book marks, adventure time, X's, crossroads, armor, Hades, Hekate, Athena

Cards: Book, 10 of Swords, Judgement, 6 of Cups, 5 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, Queen of Cups

Welcome, in pile one. The message I'm receiving first and foremost, is you can best Astral travel if you do it 'by-the-book'. There is a reason for this being so prominent. You have tried many times to astral travel and you believe it's impossible at this point. I'm here to tell you that you are capable. The only reason it has felt so impossible is because the most important step you need to take has been skipped unintentionally every time you have tried. You must ground yourself. Seems kind of counter intuitive but it's true.

Most likely, what has been happening is you have actually succeeded in your astral travel attempts. Being ungrounded can make it difficult to remember your adventures. Forgetting who you are can also make it harder to recall your experiences. Remember my friend, we are all a part of Spirit and when we travel in that way we are releasing our consciousness from our bodies and back into Spirit. Without being properly grounded we can lose ourselves in the experience until we return to our bodies.

I see you used to travel through the astral a lot as a kid. I also think you probably slept walked or had night terrors while you were astral traveling a lot as a child too. You have always been capable, my dear. You are extremely skilled in this area. Don't sell yourself short, dude.

Another trick you can do to succeed in your travels is to light a candle for your guides as an offering. They want to assist you but I feel you are the type of person who would rather ask for help than have someone take your freewill from you to assist you. Your guides know that and respect that about you. Which means only you can let go of your pride and ask for help. Also try and attempt traveling while sitting up instead of laying down. Good luck!!

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PILE TWO

Astrology: Scorpio, Libra, Cancer

Song: Starlight Brigade by TWRP and NSP

Vibes: Aquamarine, black, grey, brown, kayaking, sea horses, sparrows, seagulls , nests, swings, plantain, carrots, 22, 666, 639, directions, Hermes, Hekate, Hestia

Cards: Stork, Crossroads, 6 of Cups, Queen of Cups, 9 of Swords, 6 of Swords, Chariot

Hey pile two! Welcome to your reading. The main vibe I am getting from your cards is that there is some shadow work you gotta do before you are going to be able to freely Astral travel. I have a feeling you use escapism as a coping mechanism from your trauma. Which is why you have been barred from the Astral for a while. If you were to enter right now, unhealed. It would be hard for you to take part in everyday life in the same way. This is a very similar message to pile one actually but with more emphasis on the healing rather than just grounding. You really gotta figure out who you are, my dove.

Spirit does apologize for all the nightmares and all the pain you have been through. You didn't deserve it, dove. I see you have faced much violence in your few years on earth. It was scary and probably bloody or bruising. It isn't your fault. Everything you have faced isn't your fault. Unfortunately, it is your responsibility to make it right and lick your wounds. I wish it wasn't, dove. I wish someone could scoop you up and take away all the hurt you had to go through. You have to be the one to take that role. Cradle yourself in a blanket of safety and be there for yourself. That will be the best way you can begin to astral travel.

There is an interesting underlying focus of choice in your cards. It is as if you are choosing to continue the immense pain you have been through or to stop it in its tracks. Will you allow to cycle to continue or will you grab the wheel's fate and flip them in the opposite direction. Spirit and I know you will make the right choice. No matter which you decide. It is the right choice. Believe in yourself, dove.

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PILE THREE

Astrology: Leo, Aries, Sagittarius

Song: Devil's Train by The Lab Rats

Vibes: Orange, gold, brown, periwinkle, thistle, cherry blossom, open windows, thorns, 88, 5555, 1122, caduceus, red cloth, blue jay, pyramids, chains, lion, tattoos, Ares, Aphrodite, Eros, Eris

Cards: Whip, Birds, The Tower, Hanged Man, 2 of Cups, 8 of Pentacles, King of Wands

Welcome pile three to your reading. Oh boy yikes, this is a tough set of cards, my dear. I see you are struggling to venture into the Astral because there is mess that is in need of care in the physical. I think you might be in a really bad relationship with someone. This person is draining your spiritual power. For some of you it is romantic but it could also be familial. For a select few I think this might just be self destructive relationship with yourself. Letting this person treat you the way they do is killing you. The worst part of it is that I think you already know this. You have dedicated so much time and energy into this person that you can't bring yourself to leave. They drain your power and give nothing in return. You have convinced yourself you can't escape.

The cards are begging you to make a change in your physical reality. Once you remove the source of your anxiety and torment you will be free to use your power to do any spiritual thing you want to do. You have to rock the boat even if it is scary. You have to scream for help even if it will provoke someone. You have to make a mess of what they created. It would be so cathartic to wreck shit, babe. Just let yourself explode and watch as their tyrannical reign topples.

However, be sure you aren't exploring at people who do not deserve it. After all of the craziness is over you are going to need a support system to help you out. Please stop giving your power away so you can use it for yourself. Please let your suffering end by starting a new journey and break your current cycle. Please. Good luck, my dear. Have fun wrecking that horrible person's control of you. <3 Once you have dealt with your physical reality it'll be safe for you to venture into the Astral's unknown. Stay safe.

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PILE FOUR

Astrology: Taurus, Capricorn, Virgo

Song: Dead Inside by Younger Hunger

Vibes: Gray, forest green, off white, sky blue, moths, petunias, beakers, blackberries, scales, yellow teeth, 7777, 8, diamonds, moss agate, Nyx, Hypnos, Hades, Thanatos

Cards: Coffin, 7 of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles, Hierophant, 7 of Wands, 10 of Cups, 3 of Wands

Hello and welcome, pile four. Now this is interesting. I see that you are intrigued by the idea of Astral travel but never really put in a lot of effort to attempt it. Maybe you put on a guided meditation for it but it didn't really go anywhere. You have done basic research but never really put everything you had into it. You are almost too grounded to astral travel. Unlike pile one and two you are very focused on reality. Anything outside of reality is fascinating to you but you are too logical to allow your mind to open to more mystical experiences.

These cards recommend that you find a professional to help you ease into it and teach your the techniques. I see you have plenty of resources to get the help you need to explore your spirituality. It will take some work to find the right professional and much more work for you to accept that there are things outside of our physical reality. Take as much time as you need, my dear. Don't overwhelm yourself with information that is difficult to process. If you open your mind too wide it can be extremely intense to accept everything you will learn. Go easy for a while to see if you like what you are getting into.

I can tell your friends might be into this kind of stuff or perhaps your family is. Don't feel peer pressured to believe anything if you don't want to. Just because of the people around you do this stuff, doesn't mean you have too, my dear. Faith is a very personal experience and it should be something you want to do for yourself, not for other people. If you are still interested in astral traveling after you have explored a bit, then you will know when the right time is. Happy hunting!

[okkalo]

idk if this is where u request stuff but here it goes….have u seen the tik tok trend where the girl would be fixing her lipstick and then the camera points to the guy who has lipstick stains all over him and looking at the girl with all the affection in the world…

can u plssss do something like this w blue lock boyss (mainly rin, barou, bachira, and sae) with a social media influencer s/o

it’s fine if u don’t!!

have a great day!! and drink lots of water!!🩵

hello!! thank u so much for the request and the kind words!! i hope u have a good day as well and remember to take care of urself!! 🫶

characters: rin, sae, barou, bachira,and karasu (yk i had to do him)

i’m a lover

rin

- he definitely put up a fight not to be in this one

- he’s not a social media fan whatsoever

- and he hated thinking about the freak out the media would have seeing THE rin itoshi simp over someone

- he was mostly scared of the blue lock boys finding out about the tiktok and teasing him for it

- but with enough convincing you got him to do it with you

- was so flustered when you started kissing him everywhere

- he would’ve given you a hard time but then you started kissing him all over his face and he just went speechless

- actually got the look down on the first try

- you thought it would’ve taken at least 10 for him to give you a soft look but he actually nails it

- the video definitely goes viral and definitely makes it’s way to the rest of the blue lock boys.

- he figured it was worth it though because he got to have you kissing him everywhere

you thought right from the moment rin’s mouth opened that he was going to nonstop talk about how dumb this whole thing is. but, he didn’t. he was sitting patient, his hand resting on your thigh as you reapplied your lipstick again. he secretly loved this, you could tell by the way he was blushing and avoiding your eye contact every time you went in for a kiss. and though he was being amazingly quiet, you had to give him some sort of a tease. you planted a hand on his cheek, waiting till his eyes met yours. once they did you gave a soft smile while going in for the last kiss. yeah, he was definitely flustered at that point. it was probably the only reason he got the look on the first go, however.

sae

- a lot easier to convince!!

- you only had to ask him twice!! we all know his i-don’t-care-what-the-media-thinks mindset.

- he acts so nonchalant about it but is so weak for you

- pretty much the opposite of rin

- his eyes never leave your face

- you probably get embarrassed because he is staring you down so far??

- and his hands are roaming up your waist at the same time??

- yeah he’s definitely doing this on purpose btw

- the only reason he agreed so easily was to make you embarrassed while doing so

- NAILS THE LOOK

- your breath caught in your throat seeing him looking at you like that

- flusters you even more by going in for a kiss

- he’s playing with you!!

- anyways it blows up, of course, with everyone freaking out in the comments about how weak they are for sae

- the final kiss part did make its way in the video too.

“okay sae, you ready?” you ask while fixing your hair and preparing the lipstick once again. once he hummed in affirmation, you pressed the button and waited for the music to start playing. sae was eager for his part of the video, his hand gently but firmly pushing your head to look his way. he definitely heard your breath hitch, a small smirk on his face as he went forward to give you a kiss. it was so breathtakingly good too, so much passion in the way your lips moved together. that didn’t stop sae from immediately pulling away as the sound stopped. “sae!” you whined, wanting more now.

“what? is there more to the video?” he innocently asked, getting up to leave. please just pull him back down.

barou

- no bc i KNOW u struggled to get him to do this

- the amount of scoffs and “tch”s you had to hear is insane

- he gives you such a hard time but i just know he feels so proud and cool doing it

- he gave you so much shit over everything though

- literally was complaining about how the lipstick felt on his skin at first

- he stuttered at first though because he was a little embarrassed over the thought of YOUR lipstick being all over him AND for show

- plays it off cool and acts like he’s not blushing

- tries to look in love with you but miserably fails 😭

- HE DOES LOVE YOU!! he’s just really awkward with trying to force the face

- it took you guys a good ten clips for him to finally make a somewhat good face

- he got so much shit from the blue lock boys but does not care whatsoever (he blushes a bit but that’s it)

- only cares once they start asking about you

- sendou and oliver are your new biggest simps!!

he knew it was a bad idea to do that video. now his teammates won’t shut up about you. “can we meet them?” what a dumb question. of course he won’t let them meet you. what’s his is his and he certainly doesn’t share, especially with his dumb teammates. you definitely had some making up to do once he got home from the annoying practice he had to put up with.

bachira

- literally jumped around in excitement when you brought the trend up

- he LOVES being on your social media!!

- is literally your biggest fan. he runs the fan club.

- every time you place a kiss on his face he will reciprocate the kiss on yours 🥹

- he is so adorable help me

- he also struggles with the face ���

- it’s either too happy or too serious

- he gets it faster than barou though!!

- jumps on you and gives you a big smooch once you guys finish

- probably wants to do the same thing but swapped so he’s kissing you everywhere

- absolutely shows the video to everyone

- he’s literally spamming comments about how much he loves you too

- he’s so so happy he got to be in one of your videos <3

“okay, my turn now!” he exclaims while jumping off of you to find your lipstick again.

“your turn?” you ask, confused on what he was talking about. he only looks at you like you asked a dumb question before going back to uncapping your lipstick.

“to kiss you everywhere, duh.” you had to stifle a giggle as you watched his lips turn bright red.

“you already did that when it was my turn.”

“not enough!” you knew there was no arguing with him. it not like you could when he was already kissing you everywhere…again.

karasu

- smirked so hard when you asked him

- immediately agreed with some teasing of course

- makes you kiss him on the lips every time you kiss his face

- and it’s a deep kiss every time too

- one hand is rubbing up and down your waist while the other is on your nape to give you a push towards his lips

- he has the same objective as sae.

- however he also gets embarrassed once he peeks over to the mirror and sees your kiss outline everywhere

- that doesn’t stop him from teasing you though

- HE DID THE LOOK SO WELL TOO??

- GOD HELP ME I LOVE HIM

- he does the look so well that you’re the one smirking at the end because it reminds you he is SO down bad for you

- please kiss him afterwards

- he brushes all the comments of the blue lock boys aside

- probably shares the video to his social media because he’s so proud??

you just had to kiss him after the video. i mean seeing him like that? how couldn’t you? you did have to put up a fight to separate from him afterwards though, his lips not wanting to leave yours. he huffed out a sigh once you were successful with pulling away though, eyes fleeting to the mirror once again. “i look pretty good like this,” his statement makes you giggle. maybe you could indulge him for a longer kiss this time.

unedited thanks for reading!

[msperfect777]

big sister talks : chapter 2

1. if you care about what other ppl think of you, ur wasting ur life

spending time worrying about what other ppl think when they look at you is sooo useless. you are creating imaginary and false ideas of urself thro others. you walk past a group of ppl and you immediately become voice insecurities to yourself. who even are those ppl? they are nothing compared to you. thinking that their “prettier” or “richer” or “smarter” is stupid asf bc all those are just society aspects that are false. there is no such thing as being prettier than blah blah blah. you are you just like she is she and he is he and they are they. we are all our own ppl so why waste time thinking ur less than in other ppl’s eyes? spend that time telling urself how valuable you are. realize that insecurities arent real. theres literally nothing wrong with you. you are perfect period. society may tell you that you arent but who tf are they? you wanna stick to a victim mindset or you wanna be accurate in knowing you are already perfect?

you cant spend all your life worrying about what others think of you. stop being goofy and know that the only opinion that matters is you. focus on the thing that rly matters: you. love urself bc ur the one that will never leave ur side.

recovery tips: dance in front of the mirror naked while listening to your favorite song. notice how perfect your body is. the thought that ur ugly is the same as the thought of your pretty. theres no difference right? so now you know how much of a waste of time it is to think you arent perfect.

think about how the ppl you think are thinking bad about you are a bunch of nobodies. do you think they care about those insecurities you think you have? no. so why would you care and stress about their useless opinions. notice how those thoughts are coming from you. those thoughts say that they are staring at you and that they think you look weird. thoughts arent real🤡. all this is an illusion. so enjoy the ride and dont get caught up in useless little things like thoughts and other random ppl. enjoy yourself bc you can.

2. dont waste your time on male validation

as a female in this society, we are expected to look up to men and please them…first of all.. look at what a beauty you are. you rly think a beautiful being like you would have to worry about pleasing others, especially men?? nahhh. never. remember that that little part of you that feels the need to impress men is just a result of this society. forget about it. the only one you need to impress is you.

recovery tips: know that you are a powerful limitless being. never accept impressing others. your so high up that ppl have to impress you. its never the opposite. listen to bad bitch edit audios. watch iconic 2000s movies. realize that you are the main character. why would a queen and a main character focus on impressing ppl that are already below her??… exactly.

3. be spontaneous and free

go out for a damn walk in the park or wherever. dont even worry about where your going. just walk. just enjoy the moment. get tf off the phone and take some fucking sun. for all my beautiful black angels, we all know that our afros grow towards the sun. you notice how when ppl start to get locs, they get thicker like a tree branch? while afros grow like a tree itself. we are nature. go out to the sun and let it bless your beautiful melanated skin and incredible afro hair. for everyone now: go have fun in the sun. humans are not meant to stay at home all day on they phone like stop being stupid and take a walk wherever.

dont worry and dont plan. just do and it will be exciting believe me.

4. love your beautiful black hair.

when i was little, i didnt know how to take care of my pretty type 4 hair bc my mom didnt have the same hair type as me. i would always look at the girls with straight hair or loose curls and wonder why i dont have that hair type. now im in love with my hair bc i learned to take care of it. the tight curls, the way i can put it in twists or cornrows or leave it in an afro. my hair is so versatile! theres no way i cant love it. idc if ppl call ur hair “difficult” or “too hard” or “ugly”… thats bc they will never know what its like having perfect hair like this. they could neva compare and thats a fact. it took me years to love my hair and i wish all little black babies grow up to know how perfect they hair is.

black barbie hair tips:

get a moisturizing shampoo and deep conditioner. i recommend companies like shea moisture, mielle organics, camille rose naturals, kinky-curly, and there are more just research and try which ever works for your hair

soak your hair in warm water and massage your scalp. use your shampoo and scrub with your finger tips not your finger nails (or else you can get cuts). shampoo 2-3 times.

put ur deep conditioner and when you detangle ur hair, use your fingers and detangle in small sections. do not use a small comb. use a wide tooth comb if you want. then, you can put ur hair in twists and put a cap on or steam it in the shower so that the deep conditioner moisturizes your hair.

rinse and use a moisturizing cream / leave in conditioner and put it on ur hair in sections and comb thro. do big or mini twists to lock in product.

when you have on an afro, do not pick your curls and pull it. this can cause breakage and split ends. when you have twists on, water your beautiful hair with water and some product in a spray bottle everyday / few times a week. think of your hair like a plant, you have to water and care for it.

when you take out your twist of any other protective styles, take your time to reduce breakage. and its better to detangle hair when it has conditioner in it. try using pre-shampoo when detangling dry hair.

spend time understanding your hair. thats how special it is. love it bc its raw black beauty.

everyones hair is different so what i do for my hair and the products i use will not always work you. research your hair porosity and hair types. a hair care journey starts off messy at times but the more it lasts, the easier it gets. you can start off hating your hair but you will soon realize how much of a perfect prize it is 💋

© msperfect777