#AND I MEAN IT IN A GOOD WAY
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Next week I’m gonna start my meds, I’m so nervous and thrilled at the same time. This is an opportunity to get better, to take care of myself and move on with the last 15 years of my life.
#5+ years of psychotherapy to get here#and i mean it in a good way#i’m finally acknowledging my limits#i need more help#personal#mental health#mental heath support#mental illness#psychiatry#depression#anxiety#tw anxiety#tw depression#mailmiocuoredipietratremaancora
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this is just my opinion but i think any good media needs obsession behind it. it needs passion, the kind of passion that's no longer "gentle scented candle" and is now "oh shit the house caught on fire". it needs a creator that's biting the floorboards and gnawing the story off their skin. creators are supposed to be wild animals. they are supposed to want to tell a story with the ferocity of eating a good stone fruit while standing over the sink. the same protective, strange instinct as being 7 and making mud potions in pink teacups: you gotta get weird with it.
good media needs unhinged, googling-at-midnight kind of energy. it needs "what kind of seams are invented on this planet" energy and "im just gonna trust the audience to roll with me about this" energy. it needs one person (at least) screaming into the void with so much drive and energy that it forces the story to be real.
sometimes people are baffled when fanfic has some stunning jaw-dropping tattoo-it-on-you lines. and i'm like - well, i don't go here, but that makes sense to me. of fucking course people who have this amount of passion are going to create something good. they moved from a place of genuine love and enjoyment.
so yeah, duh! saturday cartoons have banger lines. random street art is sometimes the most precious heart-wrenching shit you've ever seen. someone singing on tiktok ends up creating your next favorite song. youtubers are giving us 5 hours of carefully researched content. all of this is the impossible equation to latestage capitalism. like, you can't force something to be good. AI cannot make it good. no amount of focus-group testing or market research. what makes a story worth listening to is that someone cares so much about telling it - through dance, art, music, whatever it takes - that they are just a little unhinged about it.
one time my friend told me he stayed up all night researching how many ways there are to peel an orange. he wrote me a poem that made me cry on public transportation. the love came through it like pith, you know? the words all came apart in my hands. it tasted like breakfast.
#warm up#writeblr#actually this is because again i don't go here#i don't read/write fanfic but i have nothing but respect for my troops#but i also have never played minecraft. im sorry. please ask me any question about pokemon tho i love that shit#anyway#out of some banal and thoughtless curiosity i watched the minecraft movie trailer#and again i know nothing about minecraft. i am aware im in an endangered population#but im watching this going: this is so fucking.... BAD#there is NO LOVE in it!#like if someone who has NO history in minecraft watches that and is like - ohhh this is soulless#WHO IS THE AUDIENCE????#ppl who love minecraft are gonna hate it!!!#at some point it's the ''mean girls musical movie'' problem --#some people will always hate the premise of what you're doing and some people will love it#make it for the ppl who love it#and usually that somewhat convinces the haters to like. chill enough to TRY it . bc it IS good#but when you try to make it for the haters..... nobody likes it. it doesn't have passion. energy. footwork#which is a small way of saying a big thing: if you love something. fucking make it and assume someone will love it too.#i love u . be brave . be bold. be in boston and come to my reading#where i wrote a really weird fucked up little book.#love u love u love u etc
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I delivered
#dead boy detectives#dbda#good omens#payneland#innefable husbands#I mean I guess#charles: do I smell of hell too?#crowley: you don't wanna know what you smell like#charles: WHAT#aziraphale is grumpy because he found a worthy opponent#and now he must sell some books#enjoy the weird way i draw crowley's hair
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if i see a single one of you pissed that your faves canceled an event or a con appearance because they're striking for fair wages then imma come for you in your sleep 🔪🔪🔪
(direct that fury where it belongs: AMPTP and the execs)
#sag aftra#sagaftra#sag aftra strong#sag aftra strike#union strong#wga strike#PAY THE FUCKING ACTORS AND WRITERS#i hope the execs lose EVERYTHING#sag strike#sag-aftra#(BY THE WAY I'VE MADE A MINOR EDIT ON THE ORIGINAL POST)#in case you're confused: BE PISSED OFF. BUT DIRECT IT AT AMPTP AND THE EXECS.#if you don't get to see your fave at an event or a con? IT IS NOT THE UNION'S FAULT. IT IS THE FAULT OF THE EXECS#AMPTP AND THE EXECS ARE REFUSINGS TO NEGOTIATE IN GOOD FAITH AND ARE REFUSING TO PAY ACTORS AND WRITERS FAIRLY#SUPPORT THE WGA AND SAG STRIKE#if that means you can't see them at a con? then take the money you were gonna spend on that con and donate it#to the entertainment community fund#DIRECT YOUR ANGER WHERE IT BELONGS#WHICH IS AT AMPTP AND THE GREEDY PIECE OF SHIT EXECS#another edit: i forgot to add alt text which is my bad. I HAVE CORRECTED THAT.
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getting older can be so amazing? you get more familiar with yourself. learn tips & tricks for troubleshooting your own brain. trial & error helps you build routines that minimize discomfort, maximize reward. your preferences/interests don't get set in stone, but you do find out which ones are going to stay with you in the long-term, and which ones are fun but transient joys to appreciate in the moment.
you learn that the world is so much more complex than you were taught, and that that's okay, and that there's an endless supply of things you can learn or watch or experience or think about if you want to. if you're lucky, you loosen up, stop putting so much pressure on yourself. if you're lucky, you learn to recognize that negative inner voice, and whack it with a baseball bat until it hushes up. if you're lucky, you learn to treat yourself gently, not because you are fragile but because you are worthy of gentleness. (i hope you are lucky.)
and some things will change. some things will get better. some things will get good. and maybe you start to recover from the dehumanizing stress of childhood/education. maybe you learn the power of your own autonomy. maybe you learn how to walk away from bad situations (which is a superpower even if you don't realize it yet). and you get to choose your own clothes. and your own food. and which relationships to pursue! and what you do with your free time. and with your life (but don't worry you get to choose that gradually). and that's crazy! and sometimes scary. and extraordinarily, indescribably precious.
#not a shitpost#and as long as you are alive there will be another good moment waiting for you in the future#the profound joy of your favorite foods#the incalculable luxury of waking up and lounging in bed and falling back asleep#a cold glass of water after a walk in the hot sun#petting an excited dog. a cat rubbing up against your ankle. the sight of a confused chicken#glorious these beads we string together to form our own existence#getting older means time is passing. and i hope you are passing that time in ways that make you happy#i hope you have so many moments of joy that they can be as easily counted as drops of water in the ocean
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public libraries are so crazy man. like you’re telling me I can read this book for free
#not plonts#since I no longer work at the university I lost my access to the university library#which is a massive F but it means I have been going to the public library#and you know what. it’s a good vibe#they do not have the hyperspecific plant research books I was checking out from the old library but dude it’s so nice#at the public library there are also old ladies playing mahjong and kids going NO WAY over a dinosaur book etc
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this is coming from the position of a student, so don't take my word as gospel, but i want to strongly encourage people to prepare for the coming years and look outward to find communities in real life. this can be big like getting involved in fundraisers or organizations or small like going to poc/queer/art social spaces and talking to people. making friends and connections will help you and others build support networks, something you will need as we enter the new term. i know talking to strangers in real life can be scary, unfamiliar, or difficult (depending on where you live especially) and it may take a lot of compromising and work –– and i don't want to condescend –– but we have to try starting now. this is about your safety and welfare, as well as the most vulnerable people's.
if leftists/progressives/minorities want to survive and beat back what's coming, we need to do our work offline too and take up space. an example of getting involved would be (if you're an artist) reaching out to fundraising organizers and making prints of your artwork to donate for raising funds.
#personal#this doesn't account for everyone but it's something to think about#also please be nicer to people. leftists especially on social media have a tendency to be mean in a very unconstructive way to each other#and i don't want to discount what they tend to be angry or mean about because it often does matter but i hope our first reaction toward#a dissenting opinion or behavior is a little grace instead of immediately dunking on each other for points#i'm also not saying online communities and spaces aren't any good for support but. it might not be enough. put the work in to prep yourself#it sucks how when right wingers lose they blame leftists. when leftists lose we blame each other.#leftists blame liberals and liberals blame poc voters and it can be completely true and warranted and then we all get killed#please resist doing that this time#be a friend; show some grace; look out for each other please#an example from my life would be i've been going to munches and queer/kink events and meeting friendly people#it's pretty tiring socializing and working through those interactions and by the end i'm also pretty tired#but it's worth it because not only do i know someone irl who's like me but if they're ever in trouble or need help#i can be a potential lifeline to them in an immediate way. and vice versa
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but why isn't tumblr eating up Kaos netflix?
it's got everything! canon old man yaoi, a lot of trans representation, including a trans man as one of the main characters who is complex, desirable, and gets the girl at the end (uh, sorta, but, no spoilers), a succession-level of drama with a fucked up family that needs to be toppled, greek mythology, amazons, the three Fates as trans entities, the Furies as biker lesbians, a WHOLE spectrum of various sexualities and genders as well as great poc representation, a whole spectrum of disabilities, whimsical creatures and frightening, power hungry women... what are ya waiting for?
#it starts slow but by episode 2 you'll be HOOKED#ep 3 will kill you#and ep 4 will renew you#like it's better than our flag means death#and nearly on par with good omens#ps. greek mythology done way better than percy jackson#i know it's a flawed show#with a few questionable cast choices#i know some greeks and greek american tumblrers were (rightfully!) complaining about it#about the lack of actual greek input in the show#but other than that#i'm truly enjoying it!#kaos#kaos netflix#netlix kaos
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joel being a Disney princess
look everybody my art is arting properly again! also pls send me any asks as i'm awfully bored lol
#i mean look at that smile#look at that cat#look at that fox. the birb is fine but i mean wow it feels so good being happy with me art again lol also guys guys dija notice the dimple?#ldshadowlady#lizzie ldshadowlady#ethoslab#etho#hermitcraft#trafficblr#hermitblr#life series#life smp#empires smp#ethogirl#etho tag#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#boat boys#jizzie#shadowbeans#what's jimmy and joel duo#like do i tag smallidarity???#or is that a ship only basis kinda deal#sic months on tumblr and i'm still dumb to the ways of this site lol#oh well#smallishbeans#joel smallishbeans#me art#nvm ty han!!! wait i cant tag them y do u hate me tumblr?#Disstrack duo
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matt reeves i know you want to put him in the penguin so bad
#i mean good ass show either way but#he's gotta rebound eventually#the penguin#the penguin 2024#the batman#the batman 2022#batman#oswald cobblepot#oz cobb#edward nashton#the riddler#dano riddler#riddlebird#nygmobblepot#fat nygmobblepot#myart#gay#danonation#danoposting
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I can’t believe I went through all of Season 2 assuming Nina was the stand-in for Crowley when you actually pay attention it’s so CLEAR that she’s Aziraphale. I was tricked by her spiky, sarcastic, cynical outer shell and lulled into a false sense of security by Maggie’s bubbly optimism and wholesome goodness, because on the surface they reflect the ineffable husbands perfectly, in their personalities, their aesthetics, even many of their actions and morals. but not, and this is the real key, when it comes to their “relationship”. but those first impressions really had me damn fooled.
I missed the blatantness of Nina’s “we’re just friends. actually we’re not friends. we barely know each other.” the same thing Aziraphale said in season 1. the way he still struggles to quantify their friendship when Nina asks. Nina’s sarcasm when Crowley asks about rain and awnings because it worked for him (we all know it LMAO). hell, that whole convo the girls have in the rain is so AziraCrow (“I know. I’m not your type” “...You have no idea” hits so much harder the second time, help meeeee.) “Lindsay” maybe being symbolic of Heaven and Aziraphale’s toxic relationship with them and their abuse? (the handwritten text messages in red pen make me think of angry notes on paperwork, anyone else?) because Crowley has never actually cared about what Hell thinks of him, just not getting into trouble (or him or Aziraphale getting hurt). Maggie is always chasing Nina. NINA NEVER GOES IN THE RECORD STORE. Just like Crowley always goes to the bookstore, to Aziraphale, Zira NEVER WENT TO THE FLAT (apart from The Swap but that doesn’t count imo). Crowley has always chased Zira, not the other way around. Always there to rescue him, always going to him for company, always relying on their shared connection, always US. OUR SIDE. All through season one, he comes to Zira every time to work together, never trying to work alongside Hell in any way that isn’t to save their skins or Earth, while Zira hides things from Crowley because he STILL thinks Heaven is ultimately good and will do the right thing if he can just show them. fix it from the inside.
Maggie working up the courage to finally say something, to put herself out there, while Nina is utterly oblivious and then when she does realise Maggie has feelings, becoming standoffish, putting up that barrier, fighting it, denying it, ITS SO CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT ORDER. the way I was fooled into thinking Nina’s trust issues are Crowley because he does have trust issues ofc he does BUT Crowley has ALWAYS TRUSTED AZIRAPHALE. has always relied on him. has always been hurt when Aziraphale doesn’t immediately reciprocate the way he expects (the holy water request, the bandstand, the “off in the stars” etc). he’s always the one putting himself forward. Aziraphale has always been the one to second guess everything, to fight their connection, their similarities, their friendship. the girls really made me think it was going to be okay when they sat Crowley down, even as my inner sirens were going haywire about Metatron interfering, they were telling Crowley he just needs to open up and it’ll all work out BUT HE’S ALREADY AT THAT POINT. he may not say it, and by gosh is that part of their damn problem, but he’s always SHOWN IT. he’s not Nina who needs time to heal and recover from her broken trust, he’s always been Maggie believing it doesn’t matter, they’ll end up together in the end anyway AND I WALKED RIGHT INTO THE TRAP THAT THIS MEANT THEY WERE GOING TO BE OKAYYYYYYYYYYY
#good omens#good omens spoilers#good omens season 2#good omens 2#GO2#GO2 spoilers#ineffable husbands#not me going to my basically unused sideblog that isn't GO related because I NEED TO YELL THIS SOMEWHERE#I mean outside of the relationship thing there are so many ways#that Nina and Crowley line up and Zira and Maggie#but the girls story isn't about them as people#it's about this relationship the boys are tryna push on them and what that relationship reflects about the boys#anyway I'm on my first rewatch for all the clue I missed#so I imagine I'll only spot more clues to berate myself about as I go#HOW DID I FALL FOR ITTTTTT#I can't believe I was so blind#OFC the Disaster Puppy Lesbian was Crowley#and OFC the Emotionally Abused Tortoise was Aziraphale
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Windows - Part 1/?
#iasip#macdennis#HEYYYOO!! i finally have time to make fan art again#i’ve been meaning to do a comic fic for so long#this was so fun to make and it surprisingly took way less time than i thought#this fuck ass degree is good for something :’)#anyways part 2 incoming at some point its gonna be macden through the years <3#my art
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
#every time someones like ''AI will replace u" im like. u will have to fucking KILL ME#there is no replacement here bc i am not filling a position. i am just writing#and the writing is what i need to be doing#writeblr#this probably doesn't make sense bc its sooo frustrating i rarely speak it the way i want to#edited for the typo wrote it and then was late to a meeting lol#i love u people who mention my typos genuinely bc i don't always catch them!!!! :) it is doing me a genuine favor!!!#my friend says i should tell you ''thank you beta editors'' but i don't know what that means#i made her promise it isn't a wolf fanfiction thing. so if it IS a wolf thing she is DEAD to me (just kidding i love her)#hey PS PS PS ??? if ur reading this thinking what it's saying is ''i am financially capable of losing this'' ur reading it wrong#i write for free. i always have. i have worked 5-7 jobs at once to make ends meet.#i did not grow up with access or money. i did not grow up with connections or like some kind of excuse#i grew up and worked my fucking ASS OFF. and i STILL!!! wrote!!! on the side!!! because i didn't know how not to!!!#i do not write for money!!!! i write because i fuckken NEED TO#i could be in the fucking desert i could be in the fuckken tundra i could be in total darkness#and i would still be writing pretentious angsty poetry about it#im not in any way saying it's a good thing. i'm not in any way implying that they're NOT tryna kill us#i'm saying. you could take away our jobs and we could go hungry and we could suffer#and from that suffering (if i know us) we'd still fuckin make art.#i would LOVE to be able to make money doing this! i never have been able to. but i don't NEED to. i will find a way to make my life work#even if it means being miserable#but i will not give up this thing. for the whole world.
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well he did his best. i think. 😔
#tiger tiger#'behave' 'i always do!!' [proceeds to fuck it up at maximum power]#it's okay at least the person he's fucking it up with is. Really Enjoying It. JKFSDJFKLSJGKFLJKL#i mean to be fair. how ARE you supposed to react when instigated the way he was jkLFHFDDKLSJGKLJ#arno baited him and it was. so easy LOL#ME WHEN I LIE!!!#anyway remy has really good taste in men LOL good for him. or sorry that happened idk theres a lot going on JDJSFHDSJLF#jamis i love u....
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i don't care what u eat or how u cook but contrary to what every white millennial thinks the secret to making food taste good is not just adding too much garlic
#every time i see a post that's like 'the recipe calls for 2 cloves of garlic so that means 10' i immediately clock someone can't cook#i promise u can make food taste good without making EVERYTHING taste like alliums .. there is a better way
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Ghouls night out
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Scopophobia#Don't be mean Lan Wangji - the dead girl aesthetic is a curated one. Support women's rights to look dead!#I have been waiting for this scene for ages...the ghost girl entourage is such a good look for WWX.#And by gods does the audio drama actually do something interesting with one of them.#Namely that we actually get to see WWX talk with them and learn about who they were and what they left behind.#I love necromancer characters but it's way too common for them to be like “Go! Ghost no.145!” like they're a pokemon#and not...you know...someone who had a whole life that they left behind.#I love me a necromancer who has an awareness to whose soul/body they are using. It adds a lot of flavour!#MDZS is a little hit or miss with this. I think the fans do a lot of the work with making Mo Xuanyu a bigger character.#Yi City has this in spades. Even though we don't individually get character backstories#We get many painful reminders about how these 'corpses' were people.#We also get a few lines about how WWX used whatever corpses he could get his hands on (including grandparents - Woof!)#MDZS often (but not always) likes to remind us that every sacrifice and every ghost was a person.#It is so close to nailing the landing regarding the deconstruction of the necromancer character.#Anyhow. You may have noticed the uptick in quality in the last two comics. Rule of three means next one is going to be a treat B*)#See you all very soon!
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