#AND DOESNT MAKE IT JUST ABOUT PILLS
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found out another thing school should teach people instead of teaching useless shit
medical care.
yes you could ask your parents but what if your parents suck at pharmesy as much as you are? I can't take a pill without being afraid of worse situation because you can't mix medicals. Imagine how it would be useful for kids know the medecine so they could help their parents if they sick, or how it would be useful if child home alone would know what medecine do worse and what better if they struggling a headache. Its not a "the box with a coloroful lines and some text" anymore. its ibuprofen! a thing that makes pain go!
but no school systems over the world just prefferebly dropped chenistry which is more complite to understand but still make point of "yeah that would help to understand medecine" like no. Its not like chemistry is usless, but i never understood a thing about it and im never going to call a bunch of letters like Br, Kh or O otherwise then Br, Kh and O even if i know what O stands for Oxygen.
okay maybe thats a bad explanation of fucked up shit wait
so
School didn't teach me what the fuck i should use to lower temperature and im mad about it and nobody cares about importance of medical care.
and if someone would say that kids shouldnt know the medecine cuz its dangerous then bad for you or your child because if you let two blisters of pill to two kids one knowing that its something medical and another doesnt know what it is the pills would ate the one who doesnt know thats a pills. It looks like candy! And it could be sweet as well so kid would want more. The knowing child do anything exept eat it because (and If) they doesn't need that.
and im not talking of teaching kids the powerful knock-off stuff i really mean something useful in common situations like head hurts, scratch burn, vitamins need, poop doesn't come out.
#AND DOESNT MAKE IT JUST ABOUT PILLS#LIKE MEDICAL HERBS EXISTS THANK YOU#WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU DONT HAVE COMMON MEDECINE AT HOME WOULD BE USEFUL A VERY FUCKING TOO#PLEASE MEDICAL EDUCATION
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I think the reason beckory works well is that tony has a habit of getting self righteous and in his own head about things but Gregory isnt afraid to tell him off or call him out about things. the point of tony in ggy is that nobody ever told him that how hes treating other people isnt good, so that's why he got so bad. but tony would be close to Gregory and have every rational reason in the world to listen to Gregory so when he would say something like "you're treating ellis badly and that's not what a good friend does, you need to do better" hed actually listen and take it into account and improve himself
#everyone in ggy is oblivious but gregory wouldnt be#hed be used to flawed people by being family with vanessa and freddy and best friends with cassie#and in turn tony#so when tony showcases traits of being flawed he cares about him and can look past them bc he knows tony is a good person#but he also keeps him in check when he goes too far#gregory who would fight someone so intensely he would be put in the hospital if someone insulted cassie:#tony you shouldnt resent ellis and say hes annoying just because he doesnt know all about this journalist from the 1920s#i think the concept of Gregory trying to be normal and live a normal life with 3 star fam and actively having to make it happen#is interesting#bc i feel like tony is so abnormal and has become disconnected from reality especially in a scenario where he lives after the ggy attack#that interacting wiht gregory whos so strange and interesting and mysterious but also has both feet rooted in the present and reality#would do him a lot of good#just make him finally take a step back and see the bigger picture and take a chill pill#also its ironic bc gregory is secretly in his head trying soo hard to be normal and do normal things#and it appears so effortless to Tony that it literally fixes him#i love thinking gregory and others relationships as Gregory not really doing anything but he still affects ppl so heavily#like gregory just existing and freddy developing a soul and sentience and finding a will to live and a purpose after dropping lead singer#gregory almost accidentally saving vanessa and just existing in her life being someone she wants to live for#giving her the motivation to get back up and eventually allowing her to heal enough to want to enjoy life by herself#Gregory doing nothing but being cassies friend and it changes her after a lifetime of abandonment#to the point where it makes her happy and fufilled and brings out the determination and bravery in her#and finally gregory with tony where him just being in tonys life not trying hard to help him out and change his way of seeing life#actually does the most to change his life and shows him that he can view things differently and that now#he finds that he WANTS to#pandas.txt#3 star fam#beckory#superstar duo#gregory#tony
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Ty for answering my asks! Recently, I saw some fanart of the gender bendered crew and it got me curios, how much would the plot change if Jimmy was a woman. I mean, she would still be emotionally abusive (esp to Fem!Curly), but at lest, I guess, the crash would've never happened (?)
Also, her relationship w/ Anya: if she was assulted still, it prolly would've been dissmissed, since it's between 2 women. Or, if Anya is male in this scenario, he couldn't really be able to talk abt it, since society decided that "women can't r*pe men", so it's not serious and he should suck it up. Man, it's just sucks to be Anya in any scenario my poor girl 😭
What do you think? If you have an opinion on that at all, that is
-💀
I think the scenario's where the gender was flipped or any level of gender based intersectionality is expanded makes it so much more complex.
If this is the scenario with fem!Jimmy, it comes with the territory of questionable internalized homophobia. Does Jimmy brush it off in this scenario because she doesn't think lesbian encounters are real ones? Is she struggling with her identity and taking it out on Anya who may be openly queer compared a fem!Curly who is either straight or just not interested in Jimmy? Perhaps it's a sort of weird entitled that can occur in female dominated spaces "We're both girls, I know what you have, it won't matter." It's still is something I don't see Jimmy denying in this scenario, he never really denies it in canon just talks around it with Curly. Here I can see it's less about the pregnancy and more so about the internalized homophobia. Not seeing Anya as anything but an unwanted aspect of her femineity and the allure of it, there's a lot more objectification of both Curly and Anya in this alteration as I would believe feels better thinking of them in that light if they are just fodder in her mind. Guilty pleasures that no longer bring her such. It's a careful situation because I don't want this to fall into predatory lesbian stereotyping, Jimmy is just a person who does not respect other people or their choice, if it conflict with what he wants or perceived is owed.
The idea of Curly having to report it and outing her not only as a rapist but queer and the denial, especially in the case Anya and Curly are both out as she feels a sort of resentment she can't be secure with herself that way. If it is masc!Curly, there could be the jealousy of him being able to actively pursue relationships he wants while she feels she can't, Anya and Curly playfully flirt, its casual but it's something she longs for in the same way she doesn't. She obsesses over Curly because she wishes she could be Curly in a social sense in both aspect male or female Curly.
If it's fem!Jimmy and masc!Anya? It's a much more delicate situation. In this scenario Jimmy gets pregnant. Maybe Anya does a blood test after the incident and finds out Jimmy is pregnant. It's a very sensitive matter because if it's fem!Curly her first assumption is Anya may have done something. That is just the immediate assumptions in cases like this. I think the fact that Anya is telling her would make Curly think it's not that simple, especially since Jimmy isn't brining it up or really caring but everyone reacts differently. Jimmy is pregnant however, and that's a big deal, she'll figure that out eventually on her own but how will she react? Curly knows it won't be good, Anya knows too.
I think the crash is instigated in this scenerio by fem!Curly actually doing more, refusing to sweep it under the rug because she can conceptualize that fear, likely she and Jimmy are the only girls on board. She trusts everyone, well did trust everyone, but it's just something you live with. She can't just live with that double standard but I feel like she really doesn't know how to address it. How does she bring it up to superiors without implicating Anya? What does she do with Jimmy, it still feels like she's catering to Jimmy but now the concern is primarily focused on the life this baby will be born into. If it is born at all. I don't think Jimmy would try to kill Anya in this concept but try to spin the narrative it was mutual up until she got pregnant. Curly doesn't really buy it but it's a lot of processing, a lot more he said she said but what Jimmy is saying just doesn't make sense. It gives Jimmy too much time to really settle with the fact she's pregnant and likely can't support a kid nor wants to give birth out in space. Jimmy feeling like she's being othered from the only other woman could also be a factor, maybe even starting into her thinking Curly is behaving like a "pick-me" for siding with a guy over her. The crash is more spiteful in terms of having to protect herself alone, due to Curly not outright supporting her delusions.
It really adds a certain horror to Jimmy's pregnancy hallucinations because after the crash they are about her, her symptoms the sign of showing. She doesn't want the child either and considering what being pregnant can do to your mental/physical state, especially some of the more negative symptoms, I doubt she is handling it well. A lot of Anya's struggles are with the stigmas around male victims. His body reacted so did he want it? He's gonna be a father and courts likely will make him pay or care for the baby even if they take Anya's side, their world is just like that. Would the other's blame him for not doing more, he is a man after all? Should he be considered lucky a woman was that into him? It's eating away at him because not only does he not feel safe, he actively blames himself.
In the case Curly is still a cis guy, its that weird feeling guys often get when talking about male victims of assault. I don't think he'd victim blame but he likely asks or thinks about how it could've happened, why wouldn't Anya just overpower Jimmy? Maybe he couldn't? Maybe Anya didn't have it in him to strike a woman. He wouldn't. Now he thinks of what he would have done if Jimmy did something like that to him. SImilary to my trans!Curly post, he's wondering if it could've been him. It's likely one of the first times in his life he has to think of that type of vulnerability in terms of himself and other men and against likely his girl best friend. I think that arm pat right before Jimmy crashes the ship would really make him feel weird, not like he'd have the time to really dig into those feeling but y'know WERE GONNA CRASH!!!.
In terms of Jimmy and Curly's specific relationship, it just gets messier if they aren't both guys or girls. There's a lot of misogny on Jimmy's side with fem!Curly. He often points out she's a woman captain or makes a point of her being one of the few independent woman in her field and how certain men hate that. It's insidious but Curly doesn't think about or like to cause she likes to believe Jimmy isn't one of those guys. He can be a bit antiquated, maybe a bit of a pig but no ones perfect! Here a lot of his resentment is more gear toward a woman having that power over him as Captain/filling the typical male roles he fails at. He can't stand that she's above him in almost aspect and he likely takes it out on other women. Similarly, fem!Jimmy and cis Curly is just as bad. It's a fact of not knowing if she wants to be him, wants him or wants to destroy him. It's obsession without anything positive. She feels entitled to his space and life and time and he has a hard time setting up boundaries cause, well, Jimmy's a girl, his bestfriend and it comes with all the stigmas around boygirl best friends. To him it's a sort of oppressive doting, he feels wrong telling her not to pick and like he's being controlling. That's how she'd spin it whenever he'd try to make boundaries with her.
They are still just friends but most people can't tell even if they can tell it's not healthy, in both cases. Either way I feel like if they were opposite genders to each other there would a specific infatuation Jimmy would have with Curly that would be less hidden but sort of unaddressed because the idea of Curly rejecting them would make them lash out in a way Curly may just leave for their safety. It's also Jimmy wouldn't want to be with Curly specifically but just want what would consistently provide/available.
If they are both girls, its envy. It's that sort of hate that someone fits the standards you don't, wanting them to be picked second or crack. She likes to get into Curly's head, point out flaws and act like it's just her being helpful. She wants Curly to be a girls girl but only for her. There's a sort of possessiveness like purposely jeopardizing relationships because why would a man come first? That girl hates me and is a pick me, why are you friends with her still, Curly? Like this is silly but think about how Regina George treats Gretchen Wieners and that's effectively how fem!Curly and fem!Jimmy would work but technically Curly has the sway of Regina.
I believe the crash would always happen. Jimmy would try to escape responsibility or really thinking about what they did in any world, any gender. It's about facing the consequences, losing things he refuses to let go of or having to deal with responsibilities he's not ready for. The switching of sex or gender really doesn't change those core aspects.
#this is long cause theres so many ideas to play with here and how jimmy and Curly would work but the specifc things happening with Anya#like if she wasnt pregnant thats a relief but its the sort of situation where she has to think about her own sexuality in the scenerio shes#queer and how Jimmy affect her. Its addressing it with Curly who may get it but maybe she gets it too much maybe its hard to hear about Jim#cause for all she knew Jimmy was straight and now she has to think of all the odd conversations and nights they shared beds and maybe#feelings she had but she has to focus on putting Anya first but what does she do? Outing someone is bad but this can be dismmised?#Would the pony express just punish both anya and jimmy and curly what if theres a dont ask dont tell policy? what if they dont care cause#they are all women. its not an issue if its just girls not getting along after “experimenting”. Back to male Anya and female Jimmy they wil#assume it was consensual and anya just doesnt want the kid often that is pushed on male rape narratives. Jimmy is pregnant and on edge#does Curly also have to factor in the child? I feel like the feast scene would be Jimmy delusionally thinking Curly is helping support the#child i mean he is the most well off the bread winner he puts food on the table he is the food! Would polle being Anya talk about how Jimmy#doesnt have it in her to foster a child to support one emotionally without damage? Why so focused on making Curly the idealized male#or provider in her life when she went after him? For female Curly is it envy that she did this to herself and Curly has even more prospects#than her now? What if Anya was fawning because he didn't want the kid but hated the idea of Jimmy killing it to spite him? Or perhaps using#it as a means of control because even if he doesn't want it i doubt he wants it to be punished or abused. It is a burden something no one#wanted but it is being fostered five months in and Jimmys showing a bump and Anya cant ignore all the implications of it being born to her#maybe he kills himself to avoid living in a world its subjected to that pain to to save himself from it. GOD the pills with Curly are worse#for male Anya fem!Curly because its so much more direct he cant shove something down a womans throat who is clearly unwilling it makes#him feel like Jimmy to watch her struggle against him and he cant do it and with Jimmy it is so much more direct about a mother feeding#theri child and abusing it like the nuance if any gender flipping was canon would tear this fandom apart now imma thinking crazy about this#thanks skull anon like really ur asks get me thinking#mouthwashing#mouthwashing game#💀 anon#ask#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#captain curly#nurse anya#anya mouthwashing
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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Learned today everything I thought I was reading way too into the assassins guild is all literally real and fully canon and fully intentional and so much more fucked than I ever thought has me still reeling. Im still so insane over this.
#GOOD NIGHT OF KNIVES TRANSLATION SAVE ME.#txt#I literally can not emphasize what learning how Horrifically Sad and Lonely zato one is did to my understanding of the guild as a while#he feels abandoned and hurt by slayer leaving.#his need for power and need to control every aspect of millia and venoms lives is directly tied to that.#he hates millia not for getting him locked away. but for Abandoning him. he was Left.#he cant sleep despite sleeping pills and other shit without holding onto her.#eddie cant die without being in her arms.#oh my fucking god.#millia willingly accepting some of his abuse because at least during sex she can forget.#millia lashing out at zato in a moment of weakness asking if shes happy because shes Not#because happiness to her is freedom. and he knows he is the reason she doesnt have that.#him just Accepting her Dream is to never see his dream ever come to fruition.#also like#venoms jealousy of millias abuse makes complete sense w this.#and of course millia would laud it over him. hes an ass.#god I literally havent stopped thinking about this since I read the wip. I cant. its so.#I cant fucking believe Assassins Guild is a narrative about how cycles of abuse and violence are perpetrated.#and how freedom from the cycle of your father and his father before him is Happiness.#THATS REAL. THATS NOT MADE UP. ITS REAL. god. holy fuck.
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In ground breaking study conducted on human subject Me, eating well and being active and exercising on a daily basis does actually make you feel better
#maybe its not just a normie ''who doesnt get it'' thing to believe the reason why theyre normies and so well adjusted is bcs they do it and#have always done it#ill do anything at this point than go on the psychiatric medication carousel again which don't fucking work anyways goddamn snake pills#that only make you fat and thats all they do is make you fat and sad and detached and unfeeling even if you put your hand on a hot stove#so even though youre not suicidal (bcs you dont feel or care about anything in any direction) youre a bloated corpse in the end anyways
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the brief mention that 1.3 leonard could still be feeling some deep lingering grief over his brothers' deaths still never fails to fascinate me tbh like, does he think of the standards he must have lost since their passing and feel guilt? or does he see them in every child he abuses??? does he keep his grief to himself or does he find it a useful anecdote to what must be a countless number of families dealing with loss??? does the green dragon know? does he confide in it????? since leonard seems to be aware of what arioch lost to the union, just how aware is/was she in what HE lost???????? did they have a role in each other's loss? is THAT where their beef came from??????? im going to merge into a wall
#gu6chan's musings#drakengard#drag on dragoon#leonard drakengard#drag on dragoon 1.3#drakengard 1.3#on the other hand; i've been obsessed over the idea of doing the 'nothing in life matters 😔' (DOD1) 'nothing in life matters 😎' (DOD1.3)#meme with them because of this#still... why would they give us the base concepts for the 1.3 cast but literally none of the depth for 98% of them (angelus is excused lmao#like you're going to make them edgier okay BUT THESE ARE STILL THE SAME PEOPLE???? WHAT PUSHED THEM TO THAT BC IT CAN'T JUST BE A 'DIFFEREN#TIMELINE DIFFERENT PERSONALITY' THING OTHERWISE YOU LOSE ANY SENSE OF “self” THEY HAD IN THEIR CHOICES IN THE DOD1 TIMELINE ENTIRELY#there HAS to be SOMETHING that made them like this... well caim we pretty much see it#BUT LEONARD AND FURIAE?????? i still stand by it; they fucking took the dragon-blood pill too i just KNOW they did#but that still doesnt answer what the fuck went on with him and arioch#the boring but most STRAIGHTFORWARD answer would probably be something among the lines of#'Oh well she came to the village and he had to drive her out after realising she was literally insane and she's been waiting to get back in#ever since. leonard just kinda knew about the dead relatives bc thats everyone'#but i dont like that explanation as much as the idea that they KNEW because they had some INVOLVEMENT when it happened#(likely unintentional.... maybe? 👀)#also why the fuck does the prologue just casually mention leonard was part of the union but literally never brings up why he's midgard's#most wanted by the time the truly diseased takes place and what led him to (presumably) abandoning it to begin with#....WAS IT SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE DEATH OF ARIOCH'S FAMILY???? HUH??????#ngl im entering conspiracy mode with this but being honest#it almost seems in character and MAKES SENSE that him having something to do with the death of/possible killing of arioch's family would#drive him to where he is by the time TTD takes place#think about it!!! leonard joins the union; ends up driving a woman to literal insanity after involving himself with the death of her family#the guilt causes him to leave the union and seek a life of atonement helping OTHER families whose lives were torn apart by the war/union;#his brothers are possibly killed during his defection??? maybe??? something something#arioch seeks his ass out and spends her time waiting to feed on the village/semi-subconsciously maybe waiting to ruin everything he's worke#for....
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people that were apart of the dream smp fandom and have now moved on to the qsmp, do yall remember that one fanmade document that had all the lore of the server and was being regularly updated by a team of fans? why does the qsmp not have one?
like besides qsmp info which is months behind and also kinda biased and selective, we have no easy one-stop place for the lore. the wiki is a bit of a mess with some character lore not being updated for months, the youtube lore recaps made by fans are pretty outdated nowadays, and people aren't scrolling through months of tweets from update accounts to figure out the lore. sure clips hit the major parts but like there is no like easy timeline of events with the lore of all the characters mapped out.
i feel like esp with the meta knowledge that the qsmp team is planning on adding more languages and players in the new year, plus with all this lore that is hitting us recently, there has to be a way to accurately document the lore and keep it updated.
#qsmp#looking at you wiki admins esp cause yall just need to do your fucking jobs and update the wiki for ALL characters#i would be down to like make a public group doc but ngl i do not know all the lore either#i only came in during like the ice prison group of people and i do not follow all characters#but like im looking at forever's wiki page and dude it doesnt even have anything about the happy pills arc in the lore section#THATS FOREVERS DAMN ARC LIKE WHAT#like there needs to be some like structure in place to ensure we keep track of the lore and update it accordingly somewhere right??
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maybe a bit tmi but. I need to Scream.
#i almost dont know whats worse#if this just random bleeding or if it IS my period#but. period doesnt make much sense because i have had my tablets every day. i shouldnt be getting it.#random bleeding... is kinda scary. given all the weird discharge ive been having lately. and the. everything else going on in my body.#the chest pain. the back pain. the weird skin on my fingers.#...did misako know i needed comfort. she just walekd up to me and headbutted me. baby.#but like.#this is either a bunch of coincidences.#or there is something Wrong.#and its freaking terrifying because#my mum was only about 3 years older than me when she got diagnosed with leukaemia.#and. there is a LOT. of cancer. in my family.#so i kind of feel like im bound to get it too at some point#and. what if this is it.#i know my doctor said if the chest pain was from cancer it would be worse by now but.#that doesnt mean NOTHING is wrong#and now#this#i hate periods but i kind of hope its just that#even if it means the next few days will be hell#...actually. getting a period is kinda odd too. because. im on the pill. which stops it.#and ive taken it every day. the pharmacy only gives me the active ones.#i think i may have had it a bit late the other day or yesterday? maybe?#please let that be it . please.#ignore me#vent#period mention#YAY now i have to try and sleep with THIS on my mind !! :)))))#save me mark bob and wade playlist. save me.
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whats fun is looking at the thread youre hanging on by and seeing where it's about to snap. whats even more fun is deliberately cutting through that thread because you know it'll just snap anyways so why bother clinging to it as if youll make it somehow
#im at the point of complete and total apathy#no matter how many ''life plans'' i make itll all end with me killing myself anyways#ive already proven that i cant change so why bother trying#shes right i did go right back to how i was before going away. no actually thats a lie i got even worse ahah#i dont care. i just dont care.#i actually got a library card on my own today. i even reserved some books and just have to wait for another local library to send them over#i even have plans on friday to get an actual id! but yknow what?#i could still jump off a bridge tomorrow without batting an eye.#i dont care about ''making it'' anymore. whats the point when once i die i'll just reincarnate into the world i was supposed to be in?#whats the point when even if i do manage to become a successful person i'll just be cutting myself and planning my suicide either way?#i dont care. i'll put on my favorite outfit and go jump somewhere high enough that theres no chance id survive i dont care.#i'll even bring all my pills and my box cutter with me for good measure#i really dont care. i really think this is gonna be it.#i rethink for a second when i remember how those i love are going to feel but then i remember i wont be alive in this world to see it#i'll see everyone again when im home anyways. if i will it enough i can bring them along and we'll all be happy#and even if i never wake again then even nonexistence will be better than this#i see no real reason not to anymore. i dont have a future that doesnt end in me taking my own life anyways#i really could do it tomorrow if i have the willpower for it. im going to be left alone in the house for a few hours so#no one could stop me#its tempting#and you know me#self-destructively impulsive without a care in the world towards self-control?#we'll see. we will see.#please pray i will make it home everyone.
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the dream would be a 15hour week workday at a low stress job not that far from home but not too close it feels intimate to your home, a small mangable appartment that wont fall apartwith furnishings i like,bills that arnt stress inducing in a way that make me think about money all the time, and just chill and do my hobbies when im not doing all the other things people have to do in their adult to not be that sad life like cook and clean and talk to people
#would be cool to publish and stuff#but again dont want to turn my hobbies into somthing more stress inducing then perfecting my craft already does#cant belive the dream is the bere minimum#25 hours a week max#but still its really just the bere minimum#oh to live the bere minimum#life always finds a way to make things difficult#and it would be cool to be able to get rid of some of the more consistent stuff like money stress and work stress#so when there are more difficult things to worry about its not pilled up on the stuff thats day to day#i know some people like having alot to do but that is not me#but yeah feel free to make this your dream too i think its ok to just want to exist stress free enough to properly enjoy the mundane#cuz the mundane is pretty neat#and everyone acts like its this terrible thing but it happens everyday#the sun sets the sun rises but i still get excited when i get a good view#want to enjoy that without worrying about everything i have to work for to become successful#i think we are alowed to not want to work for things we dont care about that much just for the bere minimum of existence#would be totally diffrent if it got u up there but#it doesnt?#but im totally chill if giving like 25%-50% gave me just enough#not saying that would be how much i care just now much energy i give#and honestly alot of work can come out of that much energy#giving your 100% is stupid and uderrated and your 100% will become worse and worse#ofc still fine to do it but all the time is crazy people still gotta use some of that energy to live life outside of the hustle#offical hustle hate post
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thinking maybe i should get clean fr
#personal#like im admitting i have a bit of a problem with my pills. using them too much#i dont like how it makes me feel so foggy and slow. the high helps dull my emotions but i think it only makes it worse#i take them for migraines and nerve pain so i cant just stop taking them. only take it as needed and no more than needed...#i was sober for like 4 daysand i took some today after ffraking out about it and i just feel like ass. it doesnt feel good anymore#plus the high reminds me of how mucb better opioids were and i dont want to think like that or crave them anymore#maybe this will help with my sh too. probably not but maybe. its a much bigger issue than this
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its probably for the best that people assume i am a straight laced goody two shoes and reverse peer pressure me i could totally get addicted to drugs. i want dopamine so bad right now
#i like these video games and they make up the majority of my thoughts#but thinking about them and playing them and looking at or making art doesnt give me that *rush* that it did months ago#sad!#maybe i just need to take my meds#my pill schedule has been mega fucked lately so. lol. ahaha
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New law that anyone who works in an office cant have an opinion on my job because they fundamentally cant understand what im doing
#sorry if youre proud about sacrificing your dreams for a paycheck you cant tell me what im not doing isnt worth it bc its in your opinion a#poor roi#like fucking maybe but also maybe not everyone needs to sell their soul maybe youre just bitter that you are#stuck in middle management business hell#oh you got a job? *pulls out calculator* doesnt look like it will be worth it in the long run though#like fuck off youre the one getting an online business phd asshole#stop tell me to work in hr stop it stop it stop it stop it#stop telling me to get a sales job fucking stop i mean it when i say i will kill myself first#god why is everyone on earth so business pilled there are more life paths out there i promise i PROMISE#maybe you wont make 100k a year but fuck you might be free#sorry i would rather travel the country and excavate human remains?? walk through the woods the mountains the swamps?!#do something meaningful like preserve archaeological resources and not make a ceo money?? you have one life and you look down on me for not#dedicating mine to making a ceo money????#sorry i would rather enjoy my job and life??#i dont fucking understand why when i hit 25 suddenly EVERYONE is like ok but youre too old for dreams time to work in hr#fucking excuse me?? so the plan is tell kids to undergrads to follow their dreams and as they obtain them tell them that was stupid are you#kidding me??#im fucking losing my mind i fucking hate you all just bc its not a nine to five doesnt mean its not viable#in fact its MORE viable i got the first fucking job i applied to!!! how many fucking people get the first hr job they apply to jesus christ#no i will actually go into data analysis and get 300 rejections bc i have zero background in it good fucking plan#yall im so mad#pulling out a calculator immediately to tell me my choice is bad fuck off
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I really dont understand when people say they dont wanna take pills every day forever. Im not even sayinng this in a judgemental manner but im genuinely confused by it? Like. Youre gonna eat for the rest of your life, youre gonna drink water for the rest of your life, why is taking pills for the rest of your life any different????
#And people say this about ANY medication not just mental health type of pills#I had someone say this yesterday about allergy pills and im just like????? Huh? Why not?#If it'll make your head feel less like it's filled to the brim with snot WHY NOT?#If u've got the answer PLEASE let me know this is something that has baffled me for so long and i feel like it's rude to ask#Ive considered it's a money thing but that doesnt always seen right either#So... Yeah literally not a clue at all
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what to do when u have a 68 in ur college class cuz every single assignment needed u to upload a picture of ur written work but 24 hours before the semester ends u find out all of ur imported assignments were on an unsupported file type
#2 am bro im tweaking out#i am sosos confused i hate canvas so much. my high school classes and assignments work just fine when i upload pictures from my phone#my freshman comp class works just fine when i upload files from my phone#out of the 60 something file upload assignments for my humanities class only like 4 worked#which doesnt make any sense because i upload all of my files the exact same way#and its my fault that i dont check my grades but i legit thought i was fine#cuz the 4 assignments that actually went through the teacher commented on and the remainder of my assignments were discussion posts so#i dont get it bruh the one semester im burnt out and seemingly doing fine in im actually about to fail.#its sunday 2 am im gonna email this woman right when i wake up and see if i can work something out#cuz her class locks monday at 11:59 and ill be damned if i did all this research and writing just for it to not count#worst case scenario im gonna pour my heart out and tell this women im gonna down a pill bottle or some bs idk#but for real since july ive been on the verge of something drastic and now its like. sign after sign after sign#it hasnt even hit that i might fail this class but i dont think i care anymore. i will update a la mañana tho so wish me luck#l speaks#shut up l#ranting in the tags because i can#ranting in tags because i can
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