#ALSO this isn’t their current garage that they’re in

[unknownarmageddon]

They then proceeded to start a band

Killer belongs to Rahafwabas Dust belongs to Ask-Dusttale

Death’s Doorstep (this band AU) belongs to me

[hotheadedhero]

In Unrequited Love

Love and relationships can't be forced but sometimes they can be built on common ground and an understanding of one another's tribulations.

Part 2 here

Donatello x Reader

Having a crush on someone sucks. Having a crush on someone who has eyes for someone else sucks even more. This is the sad truth of your current circumstances. You knew that high school would come with its challenges but you weren’t prepared for the fact that you’d fall for the careless, hockey-loving maniac from your math class. It began with a casual friendship before feelings deepened on your end. Feelings that wouldn’t seem so terrible were it not for April O’Neil. You have absolutely nothing against the girl but it’s clear as day that she unfortunately has Casey’s heart in her stronghold. It’s not like you could even vent these frustrations, given that the only friends you have happen to be those two people. 

Then, through some shenanigans that seem like the norm for you now, you meet four turtle brothers - one of whom is in the same boat as you. Not to mention, between the very two friends in question. Were it not heartbreaking to witness each other trying your hardest to grab the attention of your crushes, you’d find some humour in this.

You tried hanging out with Raphael more in an attempt to get in close quarters with Casey, seeing as they’re practically tied at the hip, only for you to realise that the rough-and-tumble environment isn’t your strong suit. That’s when they both suggested you try your hand at assisting Donatello in his laboratory given your aptitude for the sciences. What they failed to realise is that you do well in class but that doesn’t inherently mean you enjoy it. Theoretical sciences and learning about how things work are interesting but there aren’t enough practical applications that allow you to engage in the school environment. The closest you’ve gotten to having fun was when you made “elephant toothpaste” for a chemistry lesson but that’s about it. 

Nonetheless, you see no harm in passing by the lab and giving the brainiac brothers a visit. Other than your not-so-subtle pining towards the other humans in the group, nothing has been outwardly mentioned about the situation you are both in. Neither of you has hung out enough to have that conversation. It wouldn’t be weird to talk about it, would it? A query that shall not yet receive an answer seeing as you’ve already knocked on the large, metal door. You walk through the open garage to see a couple of legs poking out from under the battle shell. 

“Huh? Oh! (Y/n), sorry- Ow!” He slides out from beneath the vehicle and rubs the fresh bruise forming on his head. “Sorry, I’m a little busy, right now. I think Leo is watching Space Heroes if you’re looking for someone to hang out with, though.”

“Actually, I came by to see if you needed any help,” you offer, holding your hands behind your back respectfully whilst also trying not to laugh. 

His eyes widen, having not expected such a proposal, and he’s quick to scramble to his feet.  “Oh, okay! Let’s see- uh… how are you with engine repairs?”

“Depends.” Your tongue clicks contemplatively. “Is it gas, electric, or hybrid?”

“That already tells me you know more than enough,” he chuckles. “Here, I’ll show you.”

He opens the hood of the van to reveal the ensemble of burnt-out parts and overworked mechanisms. The guys’ last mission must have been intense because this engine is almost in complete disarray. Were it not for the fact that your Uncle is a mechanic, you’d be sweating under the pressure of somehow ruining this heap of metal more than it already is. A probability still if you want to jinx your person but that’s getting ahead of yourself. 

Donatello gestures towards a box of spare parts and holds the back of his neck. “These just need to be taken out and replaced. It’s probably the easiest of what needs doing but I also need to finish rewiring the brakes, check the throttle calibration, replenish the weapons ammunition-”

“You need an extra set of hands to get it done quicker,” you cut him off with a smile. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

He bares a gap-toothed smile in response and nods before resuming his initial position beneath the vehicle to finish the brake wiring. This leaves you to begin on your assigned job. For starters, you’re glad that this is a case of piecemeal repair rather than a complete engine rebuild. You’d be out of your depth were that the case. You start by pulling the entire engine out via a hoist, assisted by a load levelling bar so that it doesn’t tilt at a funny angle. Then, you secure it onto a stand and glance over what you’re working with. The crankshaft, piston ring compressor, oil filter, and fan need the most attention, so you start with those first. Just to save the disturbance, you look into a few tutorials on your phone to make sure you’re doing it correctly. 

During this entire time, the two of you work on separate parts of the battle shell in silence, seemingly content with your tasks. By now, Donnie has moved on to tightening the wheels’ lug holes. Admittedly, you had been concerned about a lack of things to talk about but this is a nice settlement. It’s certainly the most relaxed you’ve felt in a while; something to keep you distracted from the quelling of your hopeless romantic attraction. Plus, you have this sense of relief from finally being able to work on something with your hands rather than straining your brain over textbooks and pop quizzes.

"Question,” he starts abruptly, keeping his eyes on the centre cap of the wheel. “What’s it you like so much about that cave mouth?"

First, you blink quickly to yourself, having not expected to get into the nitty gritty of it so soon. So much for being distracted but you can’t be mad. Curiosity isn’t something to be berated. Then, you find yourself snickering at the mildly degrading nickname. The question may appear brash but he’s puzzled by why April seems to like Casey so much. Hearing it from you might give him the insight he needs to turn the odds in his favour. He’ll take anything at this point. 

"I dunno. There's just this air to him that I like. He's an ass, I am well aware of that, but he's fun, you know?” you admit awkwardly. “Psh! Don't ask me to explain it. You can't really put that stuff into words." You squint down at him, lips poised mockingly. "What is it you like about April so much?"

He halts his own task and glances down at his hands, cheeks reddening as he thinks about the girl of his dreams. "She just... had my heart from the first moment I saw her."

"Wow. The first girl you ever see in your life and it's just like that.” Yes, that bit of information is known thanks to our dear Raphael. “'Pretty shallow to fall in love with someone based on looks if you ask me." 

"You would know,” he scoffs sarcastically.

"Now you're calling Casey ugly?” you ask, both playful and moderately offended on your crush’s behalf. “Man, you really don't like him."

"I’m sure the same goes for you with April!"

"Hey! I don't stoop so low into my dissatisfaction of the circumstances to insult her." A wry grin then beckons your lips. "Although~"

"Whatever you think you're going to say, don't."

The staring match doesn't last long, breaking beneath a shared laugh; fond and unwilted by the ache in your hearts, which has been forgotten for a split moment to enjoy each other's company.

From that point on, that’s precisely what you did. More often than not, you found yourself in the confines of his garage, assisting him with the occasional doohickey and thingymabob. Even if there wasn’t much you could help with, you wound up being a decent lab partner in any case. In turn, he would offer to help you with your homework if you had any particularly difficult assignments. Your grades have never looked so good. When neither of you were doing that, you’d simply hang out and rant about little annoyances with your unreciprocated infatuations. 

“I mean, I try some jokes here and there but nothing seems to land,” he concedes begrudgingly, throwing his body weight into the back of his chair.

“Can I hear one?” you inquire as you gently swing around in your own seat. 

His lips press together and he mulls it over before sighing, “Okay, so, you remember how I told you about Metal Head?” You nod, to which he continues, “Well, the first time I took him out for a spin, we were on watch duty together. That’s when I asked her if she likes metal.”

He groans to himself as he replays the memory in his head, only now realising how corny that must have sounded at the time. However, you laugh and not the heckling kind either. Your head tilts back into your chair, knees lifting to compensate for the tension in your shaking stomach. How could April have not loved something as precious as that? The girl must be crazy because that would have worked on you in a heartbeat. 

“You should’ve asked if her favourite dance move is the robot,” you say in between laughs. “No, wait, wait! I got a better one! Ask her out to the circuits for a date!”

Donatello can only smile at your self-induced amusement, happy that there’s an appreciation for nerdy pickup lines and puns. They may not work on his crush - and his brothers sure don’t find them that funny - but he’s glad at least one person around here gets it. 

It felt good to know that you had a friend you could be closer to because of your mutual understanding. For the first time since you realised your feelings for your schoolmate, you didn’t feel so alone. This bond formed on cluttered affection may have seemed unlikely to begin with but who are you to complain now? You and Donnie have a good thing going given your positions. 

That is until your heart diverts its attention towards the very turtle. 

You came to the realisation when he expressed his excitement in showing you his newest invention. The fact that he had called upon you first made you feel special. It made you feel wanted and desired for the first time in your life. A seemingly small phenomenon given how he merely wanted to showcase something to you but the way it had tugged your heart was unparalleled to anything else you had ever experienced - and that smile. You could have happily fawned over that proud grin of proclaimed accomplishment and self-justified pride for the rest of that day. Then, it all came crashing down on you like heaps of scrap in a junkyard. You have fallen for someone who is in love with April. Again. Are you just doomed to fall for any man that crushes this girl? This must be some sick joke. One that you don’t find yourself laughing at. 

It eats away at you for the days - weeks - to come. You can’t console anyone on the matter, either. If any of his family catches wind, there’s a chance of him finding out. An outcome you wish to avoid if possible. As for Casey and April, dear lord you don’t even want to know what would happen if you told them. You’re at square one again just as before: crushing on someone who will never feel the same way about you. Rotting in a pool of your self-made disillusion.

Alone.

Having a crush on someone sucks.

[mister-mickey]

Reverse au (socs and greasers reversed)

Cherry- greaser girl with a single father who’s pretty busy but cherishes her a lot. She’s able to befriend most people, but she gets harassed a lot because… she’s a girl. She kind of take pony’s role

Bob- greaser whose parents both work a lot, so they aren’t there for him to give him attention, so he’s an adrenaline junkie as well as an alcoholic. He works at the DX and is always drag racing people

Randy- greaser whose parents are way too strict. He’s got younger siblings and a job, his parents are always pressuring him to do more. He works at the DX with Bob and is usually the one to pull him away from fights (greaser Randy is less of a follower because he knows Bob is in more danger if he lets Bob do whatever)

Marcia- her parents both work as well, but her mom is around more. Her mom is kind of doped up and isn’t there for her. Her dad used to hurt her but ever since Cherrys dad let her stay at their house, she barely goes home and it’s stopped ever since Marcia got taller (aka able to defend herself better) she is dating Randy but honestly he’s just her friend. She feels bad about it.

Paul: Cherrys cousin on her mom’s side. He takes Darry’s role and is very protective of her as well. He wanted to go to college, but can’t obviously. He’s the leader of their gang, but he feels like he’s somehow betraying them by being in love with Darry. He’s Paul still, so he’s kind of arrogant and assumes he knows more than other people. He’s obsessed with “shortcuts” and “work smarter not harder” and often gets in trouble for this

Darry- Sox who is currently in college. He isn’t around a lot even though his parents are dead (soda and pony are left with a nanny who comes around three times a week to check on them and report to Darry. Darry also calls every day to check on them) he’s a likeable guy but he is still in love with Paul. He has romps with Tim sometimes but he’s very conflicted. He does LIKE Tim but Tim is far from Paul m. It doesn’t help that twobit gets wrapped up in this sometimes too. Darry’s head is about to split open sometimes.

Soda- Soc who didn’t drop out, but he’s still failing all his classes. This upsets Darry a lot, but soda could care less. He’s very popular and throws parties a lot, which makes Darry very upset. Soda doesn’t think college is important, but he also knows that he doesn’t get a choice and no matter how bad he does, he’s going to end up there. So he doesn’t try too hard and just has fun.

Pony- soc who is a smart cookie. Basically the same tbh, perhaps a bit less traumatized from the basic environment. He loves talking to greasers because Darry said not to.

Johnny- Sox who is still abused, it’s just hidden now. His parents actually care about public perception so they act like a loving family in public and at events. They both tell Johnny he sucks and isn’t good enough to be their only son. Johnny takes this to heart a lot and it makes him try harder at school (but it stresses him out so he does worse)

Dally- soc whose dad is a big time lawyer who doesn’t act like a father. Dally is left to run wild and jump greasers (he also gets with greaser girls sometimes because he’s not supposed to sully soc girls) dally is failing most of his classes but somehow gets a’s every semester (his dad pays the school) he’s besties with tim and they jump greasers together. They don’t have the same relationship as they do as greasers because i think it’s less acceptable for civilized boys to beat each other up like that. Instead they both were in the boxing team in highschool and made sure to stay in the same weight class lmfao

Steve- soc with absent single father, Steve has a car hobby. He’s got two cars and they’re both super expensive. The cars are his babies and his dad pays him a lot more when he upsets Steve now. Steve has one super nice car he drives his friends around in and one that he keeps in the garage and obsesses over. He likes to jump greasers but not with soda because sometimes soda feels bad about it 💔

Twobit- soc, his dad didn’t leave, he’s just always on business trips. His mother is a socialite who is always bragging about him, even if there’s nothing to brag about. He’s an alcoholic whose parents paid for him to not have to retake junior year. Despite this, he’s a fun guy and everyone likes him, even greasers. He’s very non discriminatory (and is lowkey in love with Darry) He helps his buddies if they get jumped but he won’t jump a greaser unless he has a reason (like a vendetta against one specific greaser who keeps exchanging eyes with Darry)

Tim- stepdad is also on business trips a lot, his mother is classy old money. His family has ties to the Italian mafia on his mother’s side. Tim (like Paul in the series) didn’t go to college and instead works for his father’s company and is already making a shit ton of money at 18. He likes to scare greaser girls and children. Sometimes he revs his engine super loud around greaser girls to make them shriek. He likes darry and romps around with him but he’s aware of the way Darry looks at Paul. He HATES Paul and tries to hit him with his car sometimes

Angela- most popular girl in school. She ruins relationships and makes girls insecure. She shoves cherry and Marcia around sometimes and bullies them in the locker room. She doesn’t actually have anything against them, she just has a lot of built up frustration inside. She’s still awful to them. She tried to steal Bob 😭 but he didn’t gaf about her and she got embarrassed

Curly- He’s always getting arrested but somehow has no criminal record. He likes to jump people ofc because he’s curly but nobody takes him seriously because he always jumps weak people. He knows he isn’t that scary. He struggles in school and his mom threatens to send him to boarding school when he pisses her off (this sets his straight for two days before he’s back on his bs)

Evie- pretty soc girl that is always wearing the newest and most expensive clothing. Incredibly spoiled but not a total jerk

Sylvia- soc girl that’s always with a new guy, usually bounces between Tim and dally. Her focus in this au is more along the lines of picking the best husband because her parents have basically groomed her into a trophy wife position

Buck- daddy’s boy. Very spoiled. His father runs a successful beer company and Buck holds an important position there. He’s Sylvia’s cousin like always and is trying to keep Dallas and Tim AWAY

Sandy- Soc girl that is incredibly eager to become a mother. She’s a typical “good Christian girl” and gen believes this is the best she can do

[reputationmunson]

Not sure if you're taking requests or not, but if you are can you plz write something about just being with steve, Robin, Nancy, and your boyfriend eddie and eddie just keeps doing things that arent conventionality sexy, but it turns you on none the less and you cant help but jump him right then and there and you keep telling him how sexy he is and the gang tell you guys to get a room and you guys do 👀

honestly, everything eddie does turns me on so this was definitely easy to write. thank you for the request i hope you like it! :)

cw: Smut (18+), afab reader, exhibitionism, unprotected sex, cream pie, slight dom!eddie, drug use, use of y/n (like once or twice), some good ol’ light spanking, reader is insanely feral for eddie

Your boyfriend is driving you absolutely crazy.

Usually it wouldn’t be an issue, but you’re positive your friends wouldn’t approve of you jumping his bones in the middle of Steve’s basement.

Ever since the events of the upside down, you and your friends made an agreement to get together at least once a week and do something fun. Whether it was going to the movies, or bowling, or going out to eat, it didn’t matter because you were all safe and together.

While you loved this new-found tradition, tonight was the most inconvenient night to have a get together. Every little thing Eddie did was turning you on and he was unaware of the effect he was having on you.

You and Eddie had quite literally started your day with a bang before he headed off to his new job down at the garage. While he left you satisfied, he also left you wanting more and with the last minute idea to have a night in at the Harrington household, you didn’t even have time for a quickie.

The strange thing is, he isn’t even doing anything that would be considered sexual which makes it worse. He could give you a wet willy and you’d probably cum on the spot.

Earlier when he opened his beer bottle with his teeth, you literally whimpered instead of giving him a speech on dental safety. Thankfully, it wasn’t loud enough for anyone to hear because your friends would definitely make fun of you.

Currently he's sitting on the couch rolling a joint while you sit across from him on the floor.No one else is even paying attention, too caught up in conversation, but you’re watching him like a damn hawk. God, his hands are so fucking sexy.

Watching his fingers work their magic has you in a trance. You can’t help but think of what they feel like when they’re in- “You alright, babe?” Eddie asks before you can finish your thought. “Oh, yeah. I’m great. Just a little tired”

“Lick this for me?” He asks and your eyes widen. Eddie chuckles. “The paper, ya perv.

“Oh, right” Everytime Eddie rolled a joint, you licked the paper for him. You weren’t sure why, but it was a cute thing the two of you always did.

You lean forward and licked the paper while making eye contact. It took everything in you not to wrap your lips around his thumb and suck. Once you’re done, you sit back down on the floor and he sets the joint on the coffee table. “Thanks, baby. I’m gonna go get you a glass of water for when we smoke” Fuck, he’s so considerate you could just suck the soul right out of his body.

Once Eddie’s upstairs, you decide that he probably needs help and you’d hate to be a bad girlfriend.

“I’ll be right back” You say to your friends and sprint up the stairs.

When you walk in the kitchen, his back is facing you and he’s unaware you’re in the room. Eddie is rummaging through cabinets and humming a song while bobbing his head. You love seeing him lost in his own world.

Not wanting to keep your hands off of him any longer, you walk over to him and hug him from behind, giving him a squeeze.

“Steve, how many times do I have to tell you I have a girlfriend?” He jokes. You laugh and bury your face into his back and breathe in his scent. You move your hands under his shirt and he covers your hands with his own.

After standing there for a couple of minutes, Eddie turns around to face you and wraps his arms around you. “What’s got you all lovey dovey?” He asks, rubbing your back. “Just missed you” You put your hands behind his neck and play with his hair. “Well we can’t have that” Eddie leans down to kiss you.

The kiss is slow and passionate, but you need more. Your tongue slides across his bottom lip and he opens his mouth. Both of your tongues move together in harmony. His hands slide down to the back of your thighs. You know this means he wants you to jump and wrap your legs around him, so you oblige.

Eddie sets you on the counter and the kiss grows more intense. You feel a sense of relief and your body starts to go limp as you relax. You’re finally getting what you’ve been waiting for all day.

“Munson, y/l, you two better not be fucking in my kitchen.” You hear Steve shout from the top of the basement stairs.

“Guess we should get back down there” Eddie sighs and gives you a peck. You hop off the counter and head down to the basement hand in hand.

“How nice of you nymphomaniacs to finally join us.” Steve comments when you reach the bottom of the stairs. “If you missed me that much, Steve, just be honest” Eddie replies, making everyone giggle. “Yeah, you’d like that. We smokin’ or what?”

Robin, Steve, and Nancy all sit on the couch and you and Eddie share the oversized bean bag chair.

“M’lady, do me the honors of the first hit?” Eddie holds the joint to your lips and you inhale. Smoke fills your lungs and you immediately feel a sense of relaxation once you exhale. Eddie hands you your glass of water so you don’t have a coughing fit.

Moments later, the first joint is gone and you start to grow needier for Eddie’s touch. Weed always makes you horny, so smoking might not have been the best idea.

“Robs, pass me that blanket please. It’s freezing down here” It’s not really that cold but you can’t exactly palm Eddie through his pants without something to cover you. She throws it at you and Eddie places the blanket over both of you.

He throws his arm around you, pulling you closer and you rest your head on his chest. “Maybe we should put a movie on. Something scary?” You suggest. You and Eddie always get riled up during horror movies.

Once the movie starts and everyone’s eyes are glued to the screen, you start to have a little fun.

His shirt has slightly ridden up, so you let the hand that’s resting on his chest drift down to the exposed skin on his side. You slowly trace circles on his skin and he lets out a content sigh.

Once you think he believes this was an innocent gesture, you move your finger to rest atop his waistband and play with the fabric.

He tenses up, but quickly relaxes when he sees everyone else is paying attention to the movie.

Feeling bold, you start to plant tiny kisses on his neck without moving too much to avoid suspicion. Eddie’s hand moves down to rest on your ass occasionally giving it a squeeze.

Without hurry, you move your hand to rest atop his crotch. Eddie gives your ass a rough squeeze. While he means this as a warning, you take it as encouragement to keep going.

Your hand starts to rub him through his jeans, making him lay his head back and his eyes flutter close. “You’re so sexy. Been thinking about you all day” You whisper in his ear. With his neck more exposed, you go back to kissing it.

He tilts his head back up and he gently grabs your wrist, suddenly remembering you two aren’t the only ones here. “Baby, not here. Promise I’ll make it worth your while at home” It’s a nice promise, but not nice enough to stop you from palming at his crotch again. “You really want me to stop? Tell me again and I will.” You whisper. As badly as you want him, you really will stop if he’s uncomfortable.

Luckily for you, he doesn’t tell you to stop again. He lets go of your wrist and tries to act as casual as possible.

Without causing too much commotion, you undo his pants and slide your hand down to touch his cock. You look up at him and his lips look just so irresistible. You move so you can kiss him and he cups the back of your head.

The movie reaches a quiet part and your friends can hear the noises of you making out. “Munson, please tell me your dick isn’t out” Steve whines. Both of your heads immediately shoot up and look over to see the disgusted looks on your friends faces. “I would love to be able to tell you that, Steven, but then I’d be lying.” Eddie responds, face as red as a beet. You hear a chorus of ‘ews’ and ‘thats gross’

“Steve practically lives in a mansion so I am begging the both of you to please get a room and when you come back lets all keep our genitals in our pants” Robin pleads. You give each other a look and waste no time getting up and running towards the stairs.

“Any room but mine or my parents, got it?” Steve shouts and the girls laugh uncontrollably.

After what feels like ages, you finally find a spare bedroom. Your clothes are already torn off and Eddie pushes you on the bed.

“This what you wanted?” Eddie asks, pushing his jeans and boxers down far enough to get his dick out. “Beg for it” Eddie taps his cock on your clit, waiting to hear you beg.

“Please give me your cock. I wanna make you feel good. please, baby I’ll be so good”

You’re already dripping wet and he slides in with ease, making you simultaneously moan.

His thrusts are fast and rough. He starts to rub your clit faster and faster, showing your pussy no mercy.

“Fuck, Eddie. You feel so good inside me” You’re happy your friends are in the basement because the two of you aren’t even trying to be quiet.

“Your pussy feels so good around my cock” He’s breathing hard “Can’t wait to fill you up with my cum.”

“Can I ride you?” You ask and he smirks. He pulls out and lays on the bed.

You slowly sink on his cock and you swear it gets better and better each time. You steady yourself by placing your hands on his shoulder and start to bounce.

“Faster. Show me how bad you want me to cum in you” He smacks your ass causing you to let out a loud moan. You obey his orders and ride him faster. Your tits bouncing in his face start to drive him over the edge.

He grabs both of your tits and starts massaging your nipples. “Please tell me your close” He whines. “I’m close. So fucking close” You start to rub your clit, but Eddie smacks your hand so he can do it for you.

“Gonna cum. Cum with me right fucking now” He orders. You gush around his cock and his cum fills you up, making a satisfied smile appear on your face.

You're both panting and trying to catch your breath. You bury yourself in the crook of his neck and he soothes you by rubbing your back. He doesn’t pull out of you yet, knowing how much you both love feeling as close as possible.

“I love you” He says, voice strained

“I love you too” You kiss his neck.

Needless to say, you never made it back downstairs that night.

[thespiritssaidso]

Blueberries and Blueberries and More Blueberries

Summary: A day at the market is a good place for a date and to help the locals at the same time. Shawn just needs to convince Lassiter how great it is. 

Notes: Loving this challenge so far! Hope I did alright on today’s prompt. 

Also Shawn pov this time (3rd person limited, of course. 1st pov isn’t really my thing) instead of Lassie’s!

Flufftober day 4: Market Day 

—————

“Come on, Carlytown! You have to at least try it!” 

“Shawn, I don’t have to do anything.” 

“Look, it’s not gonna hurt you! It’s just a blueberry.” 

It was a sunny day on the coast of Santa Barbara, not a single cloud in the sky. Which wasn’t especially noteworthy, considering it was always sunny in Santa Barbara. But, all the same, it was still nice to feel the warm rays of an unrestrained sun. 

Not that two people in particular would be able to actually feel it on their skin, since they were both wearing some kind of long-sleeved overwear. It was a miracle neither of them were sweating like pigs. 

One of them, Carlton Lassiter, had on a two piece suit. The jacket was dark in color, with a white button up buttoned all the way to the very top. Intermittently he’d tug on a startlingly red tie, fiddling with the knot to make sure it was still tight.

The other, Shawn Spencer, was wearing an unbuttoned green flannel over an Apple Jacks t-shirt paired with jeans that looked like he’d gotten them from somebody’s garage. 

Currently, Shawn was trying to coax his boyfriend, Lassiter, into trying one of the stalls home-grown blueberries — with permission from the vendor, of course. 

“Yes, one that was grown from an unreliable source! Who knows what kind of practices they used to grow those blueberries?” 

Shawn scrunched his eyebrows. “Unreliable- it’s from a farm, Carly! That’s where all blueberries come from!” 

“No, the ones at the store come from dependable and approved sources. They’ve been FDA approved. Those-” he pointed dramatically at the tiny carton Shawn was holding “- aren’t.”

Shawn should’ve known this would happen. This was the same man that literally claimed — quite proudly, too — that he only ate vegetables out of a can. Obviously that statement would extend to fruits as well. 

Shawn looked at the lady behind the stand helplessly to try and get her to back him up, and saw she was doing her best to hold back laughter. It looked like she wasn’t really in a good position to talk at the moment, much less support Shawn and her fruit. He was on his own. 

“Just- hey, look. Trust me, alright? You know I’d never make you eat something you wouldn’t like.” 

Lassiter gave him a look of disbelief. “Just a few days ago you begged me to try Queso… Cinco Fries, or whatever they’re called.” 

“First of all: It’s Fries Quatro Queso Dos Fritos, and as I recall you loved it-”

“Up until I had to take three tums for the heartburn it gave me.” 

“Irrelevant. Second of all: this is a fruit, not deep fried goodness. I’m more than sure that these have been at least washed.” Shawn faltered at that statement, and turned to the lady. “These are washed, right?” 

She simply nodded her head, not saying a word. A big grin was still hiding behind her hand. But as he turned back to Lassiter he barely heard her mumble something along the lines of ‘Title of your sex tape’. He had to really try hard not to react and pretend he didn’t hear her. 

Shawn watched Lassiter’s facial expressions change, obviously thinking over the choices. After about a minute of looking conflicted, he caved. “Fine. But I’m blaming you when I get food poisoning.” 

Yes! He caved! “Perfect! Now, open your mouth, I’m gonna toss it in.” 

“I can feed myself, Shawn.” Nevertheless, he complied.  

Shawn picked a blueberry and stood there a moment, both to angle his shot and to just drink in the sight of his boyfriend standing there with his mouth wide open. 

“Boom! Hole in one!” Shawn cheered. 

Lassiter stayed quiet, chewing on the fruit. Shawn could see he was hiding his true emotions under a mask of indifference. But he recognized that sparkle in his eyes. Yeah, he liked it. A lot. 

“It’s acceptable.” He finally said after a second of faux consideration. And, facing the lady, he said “We’ll take a box.” 

“Two! Gotta get one for Gus. He’d never forgive me if I didn’t get him something.”  

“You mean if I didn’t get it. I am paying for this.” 

“And you're such a wonderful provider, Carlytown.” 

Lassiter knew that Shawn was just buttering him up, but he couldn’t help the smile growing at the praise. 

The lady, finally gathering herself, smiled at the two. “Certainly! That’ll be eight dollars.” 

One monetary exchange later, and they were walking away with two cartons of blueberries. Shawn reached over to the one Lassiter was holding and grabbed a handful, shoving them in his mouth. “You know, we should do this more often.” 

Lassiter chuckled. “No, no way. I’m glad you like this, Shawn. But I’m definitely not cut out for walking from stall to stall.” 

Shawn would have argued further, but something shiny caught his eye. “Ooo, look! They’ve got a glass blown pineapple!” And he was off, not checking to see if Lassiter was following him. 

—————

Notes: A Brooklyn 99 reference? In MY Shassie fanfiction? More likely than you think

ao3 link

[hometoursandotherstuff]

This large 1900 home in Dubuque, Iowa is actually a bargain at $430K. It has 10bd. & 9ba. Basically, the house needs cosmetic work, including some bright fresh decor.

Isn’t this an amazing entrance? 

Very cozy sitting room. 

Look at the incredible original fireplace.

The dining room is amazing. Love the wallpaper and built-in. Love this room.

The kitchen is nice. The current owner has an old filing cabinet in here. 

This bd. has a very interesting fireplace. It got some new, pretty tile.

This bd. appears to be a little larger and can fit a desk. 

Beautiful stained glass.

Could be the main bd. The carpeting in the upstairs bds. need replacing and of course all the rooms could use some new decor. They’re slightly worn.

The bds. are in need of freshening. 

This one has a lovely fireplace and they all have beautiful original oak wood.

The baths need some sprucing, too, but there’s a lovely vintage tub.

The baths are definitely vintage. The tile in this one is original and it also has a great stained glass window.

It looks as if the garage was turned into a residence, by the looks of the entrance.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/199-Loras-Blvd-Dubuque-IA-52001/89059926_zpid/

[heckinconfusedparade]

The time Tails went on a walk and didn’t tell anyone

It’s a beautiful day outside.. birds are singing, flowers are blooming.. on days like these, kids like Tails.. should be going on a walk.

And that’s what he did!

Tails slips on his shoes and marches out the front door and begins his midday stroll through the town of Green Hills. He had spent the first half of his day hunched over at his desk sketching up new ideas for inventions. Engaging in shrimp posture was hurting his back, so he decided to go out and stretch his legs.

Tails wonders what he will find on his walk. Will he see something new? Find the meaning of life?

He feels like he’s forgetting something. But he figures that if he forgot, it probably wasn’t important anyway.

Tails takes a deep breath of fresh air. Ah yes.. everything is calm.

. . .

Meanwhile, back at the house, Sonic and Knuckles were left in charge of the house while their parents worked. Sonic goes up to the attic to talk to Tails only to find that he isn’t there. He goes back downstairs to the living room where Knuckles is reading a book.

“Hey, Knux? Have you seen Tails?” Sonic asks Knuckles who lifts his head up from his book “no I have not.. have you checked the shed?”

“Good idea.” Sonic runs off and checks out the shed where Tails normally works on his inventions. He’s not there. Sonic checks the garage, maybe Tails is looking for some spare parts or tools. He’s not there. Sonic is starting to panic a little.

Sonic returns to Knuckles “he’s not in the shed, and he’s not in the garage.”

Knuckles closes his book and places it down “I will help you look.”

The brothers turn the property upside down looking for their little fox. They slowly realize that they had broken one of the two rules their parents had left them with: watch Tails. He may be a genius and more than capable of handling himself, but he is still just an 8 year old child with unending curiosity for the new world around him.

Knuckles notices Tails’ shoes are missing from the rack “..Sonic? I think Tails might have left.”

“WHAT-“ Sonic skids to a stop by where Knuckles is standing. He digs through the rack and closet, making sure those little red shoes aren’t just hiding. Sonic holds his head “WE LOST TAILS”

Knuckles is about to say something, but is stopped by Sonic planting his hands on Knuckles’ shoulders and gripping them tightly “HES OUT THERE IN THE REAL WORLD”

“We shouldn’t panic yet, Tails is very good at handling himself, and with my training, I have no doubt he can defend himself from any-“ Knuckles is cut off again by Sonic, and is now giving him a look of annoyance.

Sonic looks out the window with a sad expression “he’s prolly out there lost, and cold.. confused..” he sighs “poor little guy..”

. . .

Tails struts down the sidewalk with his spirits high, and his eyes sparkling. He spots a little rock and starts kicking it down the sidewalk. This keeps him entertained until he hears some commotion nearby. He goes to the scene, and ends up at a soccer field. There’s a group of older kids that are frustrated because the frisbee they were playing with had flown into a tree, and they’re now trying to knock it down by throwing various objects they find on the ground.

Tails approaches the group “do you need help?” He asks. The group turns to him and goes quiet. They can’t believe their eyes. “The hell are you?” one of the boys asks, not trying to be rude, just very confused. Another boy speaks up “Hey, kid. Can you climb trees?” then another goes “Ron, it’s too high for him.”

Tails laughs “I can do you one better!” He flies up and gets the frisbee and brings it down to the kids. They cheer and give the good ol rough bro pat on his head and back. Tails is invited to play with them and he happily accepts! He just made some new friends. There’s also a Bluetooth speaker blasting some tunes so safe to say Tails is currently living his best life with his new buds.

. . .

Sonic and Knuckles are now a bit more freaked out. Knuckles is checking the surrounding woods, and Sonic is lapping around the neighbourhood. How far did this kid go?? Sonic even checks the park. No sign of Tails.

Oh man! Their parents are gonna kill ‘em!

Ozzy was no help. He just sniffed one of Tails’ gloves and went back to what he was doing. He ain’t no search dog!

Knuckles expands beyond the forest and starts searching fields until finally, at last, he sees his little brother playing frisbee with a group of big kids. Knuckles feels like he can finally breathe again.

“TAILS!” He calls out. Tails turns around and waves all innocent like he didn’t just give his poor brothers a heart attack “hi Knuckles!! I made some new friends!!”

Knuckles approaches the group. Tails introduces his new friends to his brother. They recognize him from school. Unfortunately one of the boys is not in good standing with Knuckles due to a bad choice of words in the past, so Knuckles is giving him a deadly glare.

Knuckles excuses himself and Tails from the group, and sends a quick text to Sonic telling him he found Tails. Knuckles is working on not being loud and overbearing when upset, so he’s gonna try speaking lowly and slowly “Tails. Where have you been?”

Tails, not reading the room at all, says cheerfully “I went on a walk!”

Knuckles inhales and gives his brother a stern look “you didn’t tell us you were going on a walk.”

Tails’ entire body droops. He has that guilty little kid look “I’m sorry..” he stutters. This is what he forgot.. and turns out, it was important!

“Sorry ain’t gonna cut it, kid, you had us worried sick!” Sonic has appeared! Despite looking upset, he’s actually more relieved Tails is ok. He’s still upset though.

Tails avoids eye contact. He’s in trouble. He hates being in trouble.

Knuckles crouches down to look Tails in his eyes “You cannot just leave without saying anything. We have to know where you are in case something happens to you. I’m not saying you’re weak, or you can’t handle yourself, but I’d much rather know where you are when you’re in trouble, rather than not know where you are and you come home bruised, or worse, we find you unconscious in the middle of the woods. We’re glad you’re safe. Please remember to tell us next time, ok?”

Tails nods and leans to Knuckles. Knuckles hugs him gently to comfort him. Sonic is so proud! Knuckles handled his tense feelings wonderfully! No yelling! Not even a raised tone! Though, it’s probably because Tails has baby bro privileges but that’s besides the point.

Tails says bye to his friends and they all head home. Sonic and Knuckles have agreed to not tell their parents because they’re pretty confident Tails has learned his lesson. He’s a smart kid.

Tails has now learned that whenever he goes on a walk alone, he should tell someone and bring his Miles Electric with him so they can contact or locate him.

[vro0m]

Isn’t it better for Lewis to not take Bono with him, a fresh start and build trust within the environment, rather than bring in your own people and have the ones there say you’re trying to renovate our house. (I know our house was collapsing but it’s still our house…plus they’d 1000% be racial bias in some) Also you’d have ex Merc vs current Ferarri employee arguments. Idk Maybe this is such a childish way of thinking and they’re professionals but still🥲

Lewis isn't the one deciding if people are moving to Maranello with him, they're not clothes he can put in his suitcase and move there. He's not "bringing in his own people".

Some people might choose to go with him, like Bono, some people might see it as an opportunity to move for themselves, like Serra who announced he was leaving before Lewis made his decision.

If people decide to go it's most likely not gonna be a garage-full of them, probably rather a few key positions. The role of race engineer is very special because it requires good rapport and excellent communication so it would make some level of sense to have Bono there who already knows how to talk to him and what info he needs when, etc. But it's not a necessity and, let me say it again, Lewis is not the one making the decision.

[bitchyfoxymama]

Survive - HOTD ZOMBIE AU - HOTD X READER P. 2

Warnings: angsty angst, romance Aemond x reader, blood, close calls, zombies duh, major character death 💀

A/n: finally it is here! The highly requested pt 2! I think I’m going to make this a 4 part mini series

Tag list: @anaisbambia @valeskafics @wanderingcl0ud @dothrckis

*********

Our drive from the Apartment to the Targaryen mansion was a short one, only a forty minute drive, we pass by many bodies, we have Baela and Rhaena cover the younger boys eyes as we pass, when we make it to Alicent and Rhaenyra, the sun has already fallen past the horizon. When we exit our cars the hugs are bone crushing. We do once over again at their home to make sure everything is safe, gathering more supplies and weapons.

“We are safe here for the night, tomorrow we can head up to the cabin,” I say pulling away from the hug from Alicent, I look over at the others, “we should siphon the gas from your cars if that’s ok with you all, Jace and I have the biggest cars, they fit the most people, plus it’ll be safer. Aemond has the fastest car, it’ll be good on supply runs. Aunt Nyra do you still have the walkie-talkies? The ones for emergencies? As well as any guns you may have, I know how Uncle Viserys liked to hunt as well,”

“Yes, I’ll make sure to grab them before we leave in the morning, I don’t mind you taking the gas, not like we will need them anyway,” she says smiling sadly.

Aemond shakes his agreeing with me, “I do agree, I’ll grab the garden hose”

“Come, I’ll show you to your rooms for the night,” Alicents says while wrapping an arm around Daeron and walking in the house.

“I’ll take the first watch, uh we should also sleep in shifts, you never know what’s out there, survivors? Zombies? Could be any threat,” I say while smiling at my two surrogate moms. Alicent and Rhaenyra raised me while my parents were away on business. I would do anything and everything in my power to protect them and the rest of their family, my family.

“Ok sweet girl” Rhaenyra says as she kisses the top of my head, “Jace and Aemond, you should join her, keep each other safe,”

The two boys shake their heads in agreement.

“We need to leave by sunrise if we want to get a good amount of drive into tomorrow,” Rhaenyra says as she follows the rest of her family into the house.

Once I know for sure that everyone else is inside safe and no one but the three of us can hear me, I utter my next statement.

“I um, I almost died today,” I start as I sit on the front porch with the guys leaning against the rails, looking up at me with concern, guns at their sides while the bloodied bat lays in my lap.

“When me and Cregan checked the first apartment one of those things was hidden. He got on top of me, but Cregan was able to save me. These things are strong but if we hit them hard enough in the head with something sturdy we can end them. I’m pretty sure swords and knives work well if you pierce the brain.”

“So we just bash these suckers in the skulls, save our bullets for bigger groups of them and take out single ones with a bash like they did in The Walking Dead ,” Jace says excitedly.

“Jace this isn’t some show, this is real life right now,” Aemond scolds.

“No, Jace is on to something here, we only have two guns with us currently, we’re gonna need more weapons that don’t need bullets. Aem, do you and Aegon still have your little league bats?” I ask, looking at him.

“Yeah they’re in the garage, I’ll have Aegon grab them before we leave tomorrow. Come on let’s start siphoning the gas,”

We begin the tedious task of siphoning, the moment I taste the gasoline I put the hose in the gasoline tank, spitting out the reminisce from my mouth.

Something moving beyond the hedges gets the three of us on alert.

“What was that?” Jace whispers, hand tightening on the shotgun.

“I’m not quite sure…you guys hang back and continue with the gas” I say as I step forward towards the hedges. As I step closer, another one of the zombies comes walking through. I swing my bat hard enough, ending it, I turn back towards the two walking back when more noises come from the hedges. Ten more of the dead come walking through right after it, fuck.

I look back towards Aemond and Jace, “GET THE OTHERS NOW IT'S NOT SAFE HERE ANYMORE, NOW GO JACE!” I scream, turning back around to swing at the head of the zombie. Aemond soon joins me firing off shots from the pistol.

We start moving back up towards the house as we can hear the frantic running of feet towards the cars, “Aegon grab your little league bats from the garage, we’re gonna need them,” I say behind my shoulder.

“Fuck I’m out,” Aemond says as he pushed me behind him, i grab his arm and pull him along with me to the cars, he gets into the passenger seat of my car as I get into the driver seat. Alicent, Jace and I all start the cars just as an even bigger hoard of the dead comes walking through the hedges. We pull them out like crazy.

“Here Y/n, the walkie-talkie mom found, she said put it on channel 2,” Baela says from the back seat.

“Thanks sweetheart,” I say grabbing it while steering with one hand, “Alright, just follow me, and if we for whatever reason get separated, Cregan will guide you guys to the cabin,”

“Alright,” Heleana replies over the walkies, “We’ve got our car loaded with the guns,”

“And I’ve got the Bats in the truck,” Aegon says from behind me as well.

“Alright, it’s about a 22hr drive to Winterfell, we should get there by the day after tomorrow if we take shifts driving.

“Sounds like a plan,” Cregan agrees.

“Sound good sweetie,” Alicent says.

I check the time and see that it’s just hitting midnight, I involuntarily yawn causing Aemond to look over and check on me.

“Hey if you need me to drive, do you can rest, let me know ok, we need you at 100%” Aemond says, laying a hand on my thigh.

“Of course, I’ll let you know when I need the shift change,” I smiled up at him.

12 HOURS LATER

I’m shaken awake by Aemond as we pull to the side of the road, a clearing. Baela and Aegon had taken the front seats sometime while I was sleeping.

“Hey come on we made it just outside Harrenhal, we’re stopping for a much needed stretch and to eat food,” Aemond says gently, “we’ve already scoped it out as well so we should be safe for at least a few hours,”

“we could drive into harrenhal, get some more supplies and weapons, we need to save our bullets. In fact I’m sure we’d find more ammo there as well. We need melee weapons, and everyone needs to learn how to shoot,” you say, stepping out of the car walking to your small group.

“Hey Y/n/n, here I saved you some beef jerky,” Heleana says holding up a stick.

You smile at her, “Thanks Hel,” you bite into the tough meat, swallowing before you choose to speak.

“We need more supplies, water, weapons and gas. A few of us should head into Harrenhal to grab what we need, we can’t all go. I’ll go for certain but Cregan you need to stay in case anything happens to me, you get the rest of them to the cabin,”

“I’ll go with,” Aegon says, “Might as well make myself useful,”

“I’ll go too, we can all pile in my car,” Jace says, standing up and gripping the shotgun.

“Then it’s settled, Aemond you and Cregan can start training them on how to shoot, you the guns sparse until we get back with more ammo,” I said walking to the back of my car getting the bats and handing them to Aegon and Jace. Jace hands over the shotgun to his Nyra.

Alicent and Nyra both go over to their respective kids giving them words of encouragement and kisses on their heads, they both turn to me and pull me into a hug.

“You come back to us too,” Nyra says, holding my face in her hand.

“I will aunt Nyra,” I smile at her, “Come on, let's head out,” I say, walking to Jaces SUV.

“Y/n, wait, before you go,” Aemond says while jogging to me.

“Yeah wha-“ he cuts me off with a kiss, hands on my cheeks. I deepen the kiss, swiping my tongue across his bottom lip. We pull away when someone coughs. I look away and sniffle, placing the back of my hand over my lips.

“You come back to me,” Aemond says, pulling me into a tight hug.

“I will,” I say, kissing him once more and climbing into the car, ���come on let’s go, so we can be back before the sun goes down,”

Harrenhal is just as bad as we thought, zombies surround the entire place. We were able to park about a mile away, bats at the ready.

“Come on the pharmacy looks clear, if we are quick we can hit up the market and the game and wildlife store after,” Aegon says as we run to the back door, trying to avoid the zombies.

“Alright we spread out,” I say, holding the bat out in front of me as we check for zombies.

We spread out, filing our backpacks with any medical supplies and medicine we can find. I go to the feminine hygiene area and stock up.

Aegon whistles, “Hey Y/n/n” he holds up a box of condoms waging his eyebrows at me. I flip him off with a smile.

“Hey do we need antibiotics?” Jace says behind the counter.

“Yeah grab it all, we never know when we would need something” I say turning back towards him only to be ambushed, “Shit!”

I push it away and bash it in the head, it’s blood and juices getting over my face and clothes. Aegon and Jace rush over to me.

“Fuck, Y/n are you ok?” Aegon asks, dropping his bag and bat, holding my face in his hands looking all over me.

“I’m fine, I didn’t get bit or scratched, I’m ok”

“Alright, can’t have you dying on us, you hold this group together,” he says smiling.

“Come on, I think we’re good here, let’s head to the market, we can get canned food and water” Jace says.

“Yeah come on, it seems we've cleared out this place to last us a while,” I say, looking out the front door and checking to see if any zombies were near, only a few. I open the front door and motion for the other to follow.

We run over to market, clearing out the few walkers we see as we enter. We head in the same direction this time to avoid the pharmacy fiasco. We go down each aisle getting cans of food, and water filling up our bags the rest of the way.

“Holy shit!” Jace yells, causing me and Aegon to turn towards him fearing the worst, “look guys twinkies!”

Our faces light up, we rip open the sweet treat and bite into them. We all moan in delight, grabbing boxes of the snack cakes, taking them to the group would definitely raise some spirits especially in those of the children. As we finish packing up supplies including getting some knives from the kitchen section.

Finally making it to the game and wildlife store Aegon and I take off our duffles and open them up, filling it with hunting knives, riffles, handguns and ammo. You also grab the camping gear and some sleeping bags as well. We also clean house, it’s a great start to your otherwise bigger haul in the future by the time you make it to the cabin.

As we are headed out the door, I notice an ax. I pick it up and head back to the car loading up and cheerfully laughing with my two friends. When we make it back everyone smiles as though everyone has let out a breath they’d been holding since we left.

Aemonds runs up to me, trying to pull me into his chest but I put one hand up. “No I have zombie blood and guts all over me”

“I don’t care, I knew you’d make it back in one piece, you and my brother and cousin,”

I smile up at him and kiss his nose, causing him to blush, I pull away from him and walk towards the rest of the group, “We grabbed more than enough food to last us til we made it back to the cabin and possibly even more. We got these though we figured it would cheer you guys up?” I say pulling out the twinkies we managed to find. The kids and even Nyra and Alicents faces light up at the treats.

“Y/n, they’re all decent shots now, but I don’t think we should travel anymore today, we can pick up the driving tomorrow, if we leave by day break we could get there tomorrow,” Cregan says.

“Alright, that sounds like a good idea, we got more guns and knives. Everyone gets a knife, when a zombie gets near you, you use the knife, right to the head,” I instruct, as I sit down by the small fire they’ve created.

By day break we begin packing up the trucks, getting ready to head back on the road. Groaning can be heard coming back from the trees, zombies appearing.

We get the smaller children into the car along with Nyra and Alicent who shoot from the open windows. We begin stabbing the undead in their heads, soon we have finished them all off.

We let our guard down for a brief moment. That moment is destroyed by Luke’s screams of agony. I quickly turn and stab the zombie's head, he soon releases Luke and the young boy falls into my arms as I put pressure on his bite.

[smckesprite]

❀  *  ◦  ⇝  hey,  isn’t  that  𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐄  𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐊-𝐀𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐑 (  𝐍𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄:  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐈𝐄 )  ? i think that the  ( 𝟓𝟏 ) 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑  𝐎𝐋𝐃  from  𝐑𝐎𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐀𝐌,  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒  works as  a sleeper agent for the order of the dead idol and a professional racecar driver, but outside of that people describe them as  a custom-made motorcycle tucked away in her garage, combat boots and leather blazer outfit, and random colored wigs worn to hide her identity. i hear they are 𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐋𝐈𝐂 &  𝐂𝐈𝐑𝐂𝐔𝐌𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓, but they are also known to be  𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐁𝐋𝐄  &  𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐓. consider giving them a visit at their home in  𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐖𝐎𝐎𝐃  𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐒  and get to know why they’re called  𝐇𝐈𝐃𝐃𝐄𝐍  𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓  𝐎𝐅  𝐆𝐎𝐋𝐃. —  ( frankie, she/her, 27, cst )

FULL NAME.     léonie  mariëlla  winterink-adler

NICKNAME(S).     chappie  (   dead  idols   ),  n/a  to  everyone  else

AGE.     51  years  old

DATE OF BIRTH.     july  25, 1972

ASTROLOGICAL SIGN.     leo

PLACE OF BIRTH.     rotterdam,  the  netherlands

HOMETOWN.     anchorage,  alaska

ORIENTATION.     homosexual  +  homoromantic

GENDER & PRONOUNS.     cisgender  woman  +  she ┊ her ┊ hers

NATIONALITY.     dutch-american

ETHNICITY.     white  european  —  english, irish, scottish, welsh, french, dutch, german, castilian/spanish, greek, & basque

RELIGION.     roman  catholic  ╱  nonreligious

LANGUAGES FLUENT IN.    dutch, english, french, spanish, greek, italian & portuguese.     #polyglot

RELATIONSHIP STATUS.     taken    —  (    remarried   )

CURRENT LOCATION.     anchorage,  alaska

OCCUPATION.     professional  racecar  driver *  sleeper   agent   for   the   order   of   the   dead   idol

FINANCIAL STATUS.     wealthy

EDUCATION LEVEL.     high  school  diploma   &   college  dropout

FACE CLAIM.     the  one  &  only,  𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀  𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐍

HEIGHT.     5  feet,  4  inches ┊ 163  centimeters

HAIR & EYE COLOR.     red  hair (  natural  )  +  blue-green  eyes

TATTOOS.     will be featured on her pinterest board

PIERCINGS.     one on each earlobe to keep it simple

PARENTS.     mom  &  dad   —  deceased  ✝

SIBLINGS.     n/a —  ( only child )

CHILDREN.     kurt ( deceased ), cyrek, damiar & ava

PETS.     none

CONNECTIONS.     members of the dead idols; others

POSITIVE.

NEGATIVE.

AESTHETICS.

LEONIE WAS BORN IN THE NETHERLANDS ... with DUTCH being her native tongue. she grew up in rotterdam until the age of 5, moved to alaska ( where her mother is from ). and was raised in anchorage, of all places. the move was not exciting in any way, though she had to endure the change and learn the english language in the process. it wasn’t either, but she settled in a lot quicker than she could’ve ever imagined — well, not her but her parents. her father, a dutch man, was considered to be the daredevil of the family. the red-haired girl was taught to ride a bike and drive a car by the man with dark, long hair. a dad’s girl from the start, he was the one who took the role of being a dad seriously, & made a huge effort of having léonie know how to do the basics; such as learning how to change a tire, fix the plumbing in the house, or anything a typical person should know; not that her mom didn’t take on the role, though she would advise her constantly to be good in the world, and was a hard-working mother. to be honest, she was proud of her parents.

IN HER EARLY 20’s, SHE WAS PART OF STREET RACING GROUP. she was one of the best drivers ( thanks to her dad ) and would often win prizes in the form of cash. she didn’t keep her studies going as she was a college dropout, realizing that school wasn’t something she wanted to do. while taking part in somewhat illegal activity, years prior to turning 20, léonie met richard, whom she felt was the love of her life, but it was proven wrong in the years after. the couple went on to adopt/foster a kid by the name of kurt. despite being a teen, she considered him to be her own, and cyrek came along thereafter. though a troubled kid, the woman did everything she could to make it clear that he was a part of the family. whether he liked it or not. ava, too. thankfully, she wasn’t the only girl in the house now. adoption or foster kids, she made an effort to be their mom — one that they didn’t have before? obviously, there were obstacles along the way, but she pushed through. a stubborn woman, indeed !

before that, léonie would keep her job as a professional racecar driver a secret. besides richard knowing the fact. her profession was kept on the down low ... as well as her job on the side as a sleeper agent. thereafter, she’d notice that she’d turned out to be the daredevil of her family now, taking her father’s footsteps. what a coincidence. well, maybe not.

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE, DEATH

A WORKAHOLIC IN HER OWN TERMS, léonie had started to think she wasn’t a good mother. she worked long hours, was secretive about her job, & never had the chance to be vulnerable with the kids in the house... — up until kurt’s suicide took a toll on the family. receiving that phone call was the worst thing that would happen to her, the news made her fall into a workload, distracting her mind from the sudden loss of someone that she considered her own. how did she not notice the signs? did she do something wrong? léonie lived with guilt now. she’d result in keeping her feelings dug deep, away from any acknowledgment whatsoever ... she distanced herself from her family and changed within a few months after the death of a loved one.

[ ... END OF TRIGGER WARNING ... ]

what the youngsters, the kids, didn’t know was the hell that richard had put her through. every time he’d bad-mouth cyrek, she would come to his defense 99.9 % of the time. she’d come to spend heaps amount of money, her hard-earned money, to provide them with the best while the man was too busy complaining. that was beside the point. it didn’t matter anymore since she was the one who filed for divorce papers and had them delivered to his workplace. léonie fell out of love and was no longer in love with the man she married. good riddance, be gone.

A CLOSETED LESBIAN WHILE BEING MARRIED TO A “MAN”; it sounded too much like a cover of a gossip magazine, out of a headline on the news. realizing that she was 100% into women and had kept it a secret for many years, and no matter how much she condoned cheating, she ventured out to discover more of her sexuality. no one knew, but she fell in love and remarried a few years ago.

SHE CAME OUT VERY DISCREETLY BUT ENOUGH FOR PEOPLE TO KNOW. on her own terms, and surprisingly, her parents were accepting of her still. yet she was expecting to be disowned, even at the age of 44 ... nearing her fifties. right after filing for divorce. still very much living a private life at the winterwood estates of anchorage. whether she has a rocky relationship with the youngsters, léonie makes an effort to live the role of a mother.

FIN. FOR NOW.

[formulatrash]

Hello Hazel!

Everyone on twitter is talking about the 4 races in 5 weeks/6 races in 8 weeks thing and I saw that thread by Joe Pompliano about how teams are jumping to and from all these continents (i.e. Baku then Miami, only to go to the US again later) and so was wondering about how F1 said they were trying to arrange a region based calendar for next year since the current calendar isn’t sustainable.

So I was thinking, are the travel/hotel costs of the teams part of the cost cap? Because if they are, wouldn’t F1/the teams just decide to have a triple headers all around so that they don’t have to pay the costs that come with flying their employees back or paying for hotels for the extra week when there isn’t a race if it’s overseas? Sorry, I feel like I can’t articulate what I mean that well but I hope my point is coming across.

I know they’re still doing double and triple headers even if the races aren’t in the same continent but the frequency of them would be waaay more and I feel like that still wouldn’t be a sustainable way of living for the people working in this industry, even if it is more sustainable for the planet that they aren’t having to go back the same continent 2-3 times and only having to go there once.

Thanks!

F1 sort of mumbled about a regionalised calendar but it doesn't seem to be happening. there's feeling that having a European or say, North American leg of the calendar would create a situation where less popular races lost out to more popular ones and the event bosses are keen not to have direct geographic competition next to their event.

that is, of course, rubbish. F1 traditionally had a European chunk of the calendar and despite the exorbitant price of events, people often do chain them together as a road trip, when they can. home crowds will go to 'their' race regardless - and in the Americas, Montreal and Sao Paulo are a pretty goddamned long way away from each other, while Vegas and Miami only exist as premium events that dont share a market with the others.

teams do pay for their logistics and freight out of the cost cap; last year when the price of freight quadrupled there was a cost cap increase to reflect the fact it was impossible to have allowed the right amount, under massive price hikes. this didn't just affect F1, it was all global logistics; some freight was up as much as 800% and logistics costs remain sky-high, as well as very unreliable, I wrote a load about it here if you're interested.

so: human and freight logistics are one of the hardest puzzles to solve in F1 generally and made harder by the complicated calendar. would untangling it somewhat help? yeah, probably; it's not totally straightforward because there are times when events need to be held because of weather (like, good luck moving Silverstone and expecting anything other than freezing sleet and Jeddah clearly can't be held in summer) but there are definitely efficiencies that can be made.

proportional to freight, people movement is relatively less of a problem. F1 uses charter jets most of the time so the costs are pretty different to just putting everyone on a British Airways flight and honestly, the finances of it aren't the issue.

the problem, both for trackside and factory staff, is that it's not possible to perform at an F1 level 30 weeks a year. a grand prix isn't the Sunday race, it's prep work that starts months in advance, it's hours of programming an computer development, tooling, parts coordination and design, it's running a garage and fluid lab and IT operation trackside and the operations and simulator back at the factory for five days straight for each event. it's just not possible to make that work to a high enough level for the sport for that much of the year.

F1 isn't a spec series, it is a development race and it is ludicrous but there's also a reason it's so popular whereas the series with objectively better racing that are more spec, running on lower budgets and with less setup time and resources across a weekend, just aren't. I'm the last person to buy into the mythology about F1's pinnacle of technology - it's the pinnacle of the sport of F1, not automotive tech - but the reason people like it is because it does what it does at an unbelievable, impossibly high level.

you can't do that if either no one wants to work in it because it's basically a hotel jail sentence or there's no time to do the development that lets F1 teams play the game as well as they do.

[djxiao]

I'm nosy but who is your bias in F1? idk what to call it, I only know kpop lingo 💀

we should all start using kpop terminology for f1 lol. ok im not sure how familiar you are with so idk how much info to include about each of them and im trying very hard not to list like half of the drivers because there’s only 20 at a time (not including reserve drivers) and they’re all so compelling and interesting in their own ways but for the current 2024 lineup i’d say my bias is charles leclerc from ferrari!!

charles is from monaco and currently 3rd in the championship and he definitely used to be more of a little racing gremlin, he’s matured over the years and his driving reflects that. i know he still has it in him though he isn’t called ‘il predestinato’ for nothing! and with all the changes in staffing happening in the ferrari garage and the car upgrades coming this race weekend i have high hopes for charles and the team! italian men go absolutely wild for him and the catholic church has all but canonized him as a saint. the motivation behind his loyalty to ferrari is a long story but essentially tragic backstory = sense of duty to the team and the people he loves.

-

ok now for my other two who you could call bias wreckers if we’re sticking to kpop terms, my two retirees nico rosberg and sebastian vettel.

these two cannot be discussed without mentioning the other as they are part of the unholy german trinity along with the goat of all time michael schumacher. sebastian was michael’s protégé since childhood meanwhile nico was michael’s teammate but the protégé of michael's rival, mika hakkinen (who in turn was his father’s protégé.) the real life succession of it all. the dynamics are sooo so juicy.

-

oh nico my nico. 2000s pretty boy of f1. son of world champion keke rosberg, agonizing need to prove he’s not just a nepo baby, not just a second fiddle to his world champion teammates, that he's a talented driver in his own right. proved himself by winning the 2016 championship and immediately quit. icon. he’s living his best housewife life now but he’s super knowledgeable about the sport and has the best takes on the rare occasions he decides to commentate.

-

seb. most successful rebranding of all time do NOT let the nerdy outdoorsy eco activist image fool you this man was a speed demon back in the day he didn’t become a 4x world champ by wearing his rainbow shirts and beekeeping on his days off okay he terrorized everyone on track for years. got a penalty just 6 seconds into his career during his first ever f1 race for speeding in the pit lane before the race even started. i love him dearly.

-

some honorable mentions go to mercedes drivers lewis hamilton and george russell and mclaren driver oscar piastri!

i love winners who lose. lewis is a british 7x world champion who hasn’t won a race since 2021. not his fault the mercedes car currently sucks but like it sucks so bad he’s leaving the team he’s been so loyal to for over a decade and moving to ferrari in 2025 and will be on the team with charles! he’s just the loveliest human being really truly just such a good guy. fashionista!!! and remember nico? yeah so does lewis even when he pretended to forget him that one time he was listing past teammates. neither have ever recovered from their codependent homoerotic friendship breakup. drivers, they’re just like us.

-

next we have george the baddest bitch around

also british. he IS the moment. girlbossed his way into formula racing and team mercedes by showing up alone to the team principal’s office at age 15 armed with nothing but a suit and a word document file. was appointed director of the driver’s union in only his third year of f1. he makes bold racing decisions and while it doesn’t always work out in his favor he has the mentality that you need to take risks to get results. i feel like his eyes are on the future though and i see him being a higher up in the company one day.

-

and finally oscar the aussie newbie!

standing man emoji 🧍 has so much natural talent and won a sprint race in his first season last year! one of the most level headed drivers right now, he can stay so calm and collected during high adrenaline moments and i think that’s part of what makes him so successful. he can come across as a little uninterested and unenthusiastic but he’s a cool guy and very loved you just have to understand his vibe first. personally i think either he or charles will be the next new championship winners. driving for mclaren and only got half the car upgrades his teammate got last race weekend but the new car is looking GOOD and he should be getting the rest of the upgrades for this next race!

[captain-lessship]

Curiosity

You knew a lot about Jasper like how most couples would know a lot about each other. Jasper was one of the most loving people in your life and he made you feel so special: whether it was matching hoodies, coming up with the sweetest names for you and long walks in the woods.

The last addition was what got you thinking. Jasper was currently moving a fallen tree out of the hiking path. It wasn’t a small tree and  part of it had gotten lodged in between a rock. 

Normally, if you were alone, you would’ve simply either turned around or climbed over it. But being the ever caring person he was, Jasper insisted on clearing the tree. 

“Don’t hurt yourself!” You said, nibbling on a granola bar you’d brought. 

“Ah, it isn’t gonna hurt me.” His amber eyes stared at you, a smile coming to his face. 

Now you were sitting in your economics class, not thinking about the Stock Market. Instead, thoughts ran about how many trees he could lift? How hard could he hit something? How hard could something hit him? 

You sat to the right of Edward who, of course, heard it and decided to lean over and comment about it, “You know, he would test it if you asked.” He stated, matter-a-factly. 

“Really!” You jumped with joy, curiosity fueled, also catching a dirty look from your teacher.

Edward rolled his eyes playfully, “He’s madly in love and he trusts you just as much as us.”

You couldn’t help your face from peppering blotches that were a shade of pink as you looked back to your notebook. 

The bell rang and you rushed out the door to ask him.

At first he laughed. You were both sitting on your front porch, watching the rain drip from the roof. 

“You want to what?” He chuckled, bright white teeth flashing.

“I’m serious, Jasper!” You said, gently punching his shoulder.

He took that as an opportunity, “God! You’ve killed me! Killed me dead! Deader than dead!”  He flung his head back on the porch swing, eyes closed.

“Come on! I wanna know.” 

“Bleh,” he stuck his tongue out.

“Okay you,” you thought, “Possum.”

His eyes flung open, “Possum?”

“Yes yes, a possum. Now, can we please test your strength?” 

He sat back up now, bringing his arm around your shoulders, “Alright, we can. But you have to do something for me.”

You looked at him, “And that is?” 

“I need to borrow your math notes. They change it every year, I swear.” He huffed.

You laughed at him, “Haven’t you done these classes like twenty times?”

“Exactly dove,” he said nodding his head, “That’s how I know they’re changing everything!” 

It was decided you would test it at the Cullen’s house. It was away from anyone who could see and the view was incredible. 

“Sooo,” you said, looking at the arrange of items both he and you had collected. There were several old clay sculptures, the kind kids would paint, pieces of firewood, old furniture like a broken dresser, a table and a set of mis-matched chairs, “Which one do you wanna do first?” 

He looked, “Well first, you need to put on the gloves and goggles.” You rolled your eyes.

You put on a pair of chemistry goggles Emmett borrowed and forgot to return and a set of welding gloves you got from your mom’s garage.  You showed him your new outfit. 

“Aww, you’re adorable.” He said, smirking at you.

“I look like I am about to dissect a frog.” 

“The universal experience of a Biology class.” He joked, eyes now falling to the items. “How about we start small?” He walked to the pile of clay sculptures.

“Aww, that kinda feels wrong though. Not the kitten.” 

He scoffed, “You brought it.”

“Fine. Break it.” 

He closed his hand around it and with a loud crack, Mr. Whiskers Clay was no more.  He then picked up a piece of firewood, “After this, s’mores?” He asked, he knew of his partners love for their chocolate-marshmallow amalgamation.

“Yes! You know the way to my heart,” you poked. “Now break it!”

“You destructive lil thing.” He said, complying and breaking the piece of wood by holding the end of it, snapping like toothpick. 

This escalated til everything was broken except one chair, he looked at you, blonde hair framing his face. He smirked, “Hit me with it.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, you didn’t want to hurt him. Even though you had just seen him break a table beyond repair just by grabbing two of the legs and smashing it once against the ground. 

“Yeah! I’ve shown you what I got, what about you?” He said, walking closer. “I will be fine.” 

“I know you will be, but it’s not everyday that I hit someone with a chair.”

“It’s a great chance to start.”

You nodded as you walked to the chair and picked it by the back, you turned back to Jasper, who watched you with anticipation. 

“Okay, you’re gonna have to turn around.”

“Why?” 

“Could you imagine hitting me with a chair and seeing my face while it hit me?” 

He thought for a moment, “Could I hit you with a chair?” He looked very inquisitive, he even went as far as to tap his chin.

You rolled your eyes, you lifted the chair and broke it over his head. He was stunned for a second but deep hearty laughter erupted from him, then from you.

But you were interrupted. 

“So what exactly did Jasper do?” 

You both jerked your heads to see his family, all varying looks of amusement or the holding back of laughter.

[itwoodbeprefect]

For the WIP ..... oh all of them sound so good 👀👀 but how abouts McDanno Ace soulmate AU aaaaaaand Buck/Eddie leapfrog! I'm so intrigued by these descriptors :3

hiiiii. :D

Ace soulmate AU

for full disclosure, this is (in writing terms) pretty old, and it might get scrapped and rewritten for an entirely different fandom if i ever run into one for which it fits well, but it’s still hanging in there as is for now because. well, soulmate AUs mostly aren’t my cup of tea, but sometimes i think about the way they’re often executed by just kind of dropping soulmate marks into essentially the world we already have, and the vaguely horror-ish experience that could be from an asexual (or aromantic!) perspective. oh, you’re not even a latebloomer, you’re just really romantic and Waiting For The One! then it will all say click, and suddenly the whole idea of attraction will magically make sense! that kind of thing, but suddenly supercharged by the fact that there actually IS such a thing as a soulmate.

(but then there’s probably also, internally, that niggling doubt - what if meeting your soulmate doesn’t make it say click? what if it still doesn’t make sense? what if you meet your soulmate and they naturally expect things that everyone seems to expect from their soulmate but that you don’t want to give them, can’t give them, won’t be giving them - what if there’s this One Perfect Person for you, but it turns out you’re too broken to make it work? essentially i think that any universe with our current (deep lack of) societal awareness of asexuality/aromanticism But Add In Soulmarks would be. probably worse. that would probably really fuck certain people up Even More.)

so, with all of that set up, the idea here is pretty much to explore all of that, but with the twist that both parts of this soulmate couple are struggling with the same thing. so steve and danny meet in steve’s dad’s garage, like in canon (again, this is kind of old writing):

Danny enters the house completely unsuspecting. When he hears noises from the garage he shifts into high alert, but that still doesn’t prepare him for what happens next – it’s a blur, they yell at each other over their guns and suddenly something is burning in the crook of Danny’s right elbow, and for a dizzying moment he thinks he’s been shot, even though that’s happened to him before and it’s never been anything like this.

Then he realizes why a pain in that spot makes his heart beat faster, and he sees the other guy’s face twist and his jaw clench even while his aim never wavers, and Danny knows.

Everyone wants to meet their soulmate. By all rights, he should be thrilled. Mostly he feels so nauseous he might throw up, and absolutely determined not to show any of it.

Gripping his weapon tight, he stares down the barrel still pointed at him. This is ridiculous. “Put your gun down,”  he snaps. “It’s not like we’re going to shoot each other now.”

The guy that claims to be Lieutenant Commander Steve McGarrett just frowns deeper. “You put your gun down. How do I know my soulmate isn’t part of some gang? How do I know you didn’t kill my father?”

he figures out danny didn’t kill his dad pretty soon, of course. and then solving the case goes very quickly, they work together really well, they DO click (just not like that), danny has very conflicted feelings about it and he still hits steve for being an asshole (but even that is just a bonding moment, really, because they’re them). after the case, the governor is like, you guys should take a few days off and get to know each other, wink wink nudge nudge, so they do take those days off, both of them with a heavy heart about how this will play out, and neither of them wants to be someone who meets their soulmate only to immediately reject them, so they keep awkwardly shuffling towards what they think is supposed to happen here, and then finding ways to distract themselves for another five minutes:

“Do you want to...” Steve says, and his sentence trails off suggestively. It’s a surprise when he finishes it at all, and it’s a bigger surprise when he says, “Have a drink?”

“It’s two in the afternoon.” Danny squints at Steve’s perfect Navy man outside. “Are you a functioning alcoholic?” That’d be just his luck.

“Coffee,” Steve says, hastily. “Coffee is a drink. You like coffee, right?”

Danny trails Steve while Steve hurries into the kitchen. “If this relationship is going to work, you can’t ask me that ever again. Do I like coffee? Like that’s a question where no is a viable answer.”

Steve, working a coffee machine that thankfully looks fairly decent, doesn’t seem cowed by Danny’s bluster. The opposite – he grins. It’s sudden and amused and goddamn breathtaking, shit. “You’re such an asshole,” he says. He sounds a little bit delighted.

“Glad I amuse you,” Danny snipes back, even though he is, in fact, glad.

and then at some point they finally figure each other out, and all that heavy weight hanging over them drops away, and they can actually be glad to have found each other without any caveats. when they eventually get back to work and get the inevitable “you look like you didn’t get much sleep ;)” comments, it’s true, they really didn’t, but it’s because danny was teaching steve how to make pasta from scratch in the middle of the night.

-

Leapfrog

this one is just a little fluffy domestic thing! i haven’t fully decided if this is established relationship or they’re still very oblivious, but eddie is cleaning up the kitchen when buck returns from reading chris a bedtime story, and buck goes “would you still love me if i was a frog?” and understandably eddie is pretty ??? about this at first:

“Are you aware you’re not making any sense?”

“It just seems really horrible to me, having a witch turn you into a frog. Not because of, like, having to eat flies-”

“Oh no, of course not,” Eddie agrees, because apparently they’re pretending this is a serious topic.

Buck gives him a look that says he knows what Eddie is doing, and he doesn’t appreciate it. “C’mon, man, I just mean- Something that’s totally out of your control happens and suddenly none of your friends or family recognize you. You sit there, and you’re trying to tell them who you are, but you can’t make them understand. Doesn’t that scare you?”

The answer is not really, because it’s too obviously a fantasy children’s story for Eddie to be able to take it that heavily, but something still says click. It’s probably the Eddie feels like a fool switch. “It scares you, huh?”

“To death,” Buck admits. “Why would anyone even put that in a book meant to be read before sleep? What if Chris has a nightmare?”

Eddie feels a little tug on his heartstrings - the ones that tell him hey, Buck adores your kid. “He’ll be fine.”

and then it’s just. [more fluff here].

[mywifeleftme]

16: Twinkeyz // Alpha-Jerk

Alpha-Jerk Twinkeyz 1979, Plurex

The Twinkeyz were a late ‘70s Sacramento garage rock band orbiting guitarist/singer/songwriter Donnie Jupiter. They cut a couple of singles in '77 and '78 and the Alpha-Jerk full-length in '79. The LP apparently suffered from mixing and mastering issues, and it disappeared virtually without a trace, taking the band with it. Jupiter would spend some time in the late ‘80s and early ‘90s playing bass in the even more obscure act Lizards, while also building a career in comics under his birthname Don Marquez. The Twinkeyz’ faint legend lingered though; their debut single “Aliens in Our Midst” is a regular on gay punk compilations, and they’re occasionally cited as a forerunner of queercore acts like Pansy Division.

The Twinkeyz were a B-movie Velvet Underground, laconic, witty rock and roll sweatered in primitive synth warbles and (to quote Scott Miller of Game Theory) “enough guitar effects to stun an elephant.” The lead guitarist (presumably Jupiter) is often the only one who seems more than minimally competent, and (although the songs on Alpha-Jerk were drawn from different sessions) the mix uniformly sounds like it’s thudding from a blown speaker. If the choice to self-produce robs Alpha-Jerk of a professional sheen, they also get to do a lot of stuff most producers wouldn’t allow. Nearly every track is studded with odd noises and found sounds, giving it a hand-made texture that suits the peculiarity of the music.

As with Suicide’s Alan Vega, the thing that makes Jupiter’s blunt songwriting distinctive is that it feels like an indoor kid’s idea of cool teenage music. “Strange Feeling” approximates then-current new wave pop, but the flatness of its affect seems to imply having feelings at all is the strange part; “Sweet Nothing” pulls the archetypally dumb garage move of ripping off the title (and nearly the melody) of a more well-known song, like they were trying to recreate “Oh! Sweet Nuthin’” from memory after dad broke their copy of Loaded over his knee. The lyrics about love, UFOs, psychic powers, and cartoons are obviously cute, but sometimes a sick sense of humour peeps through. Referring to weird psych as “bad drug” music in a well-worn cliché, but it’s the right description of “Alpha-Jerk,” a discordant dirge that could be about a kaiju or the Book of Revelations. The noises in the mix resemble the work of a crow leaving shiny bits and bobs on a tombstone.

It's all very good stuff for anyone with a taste for wimpy garage rock, but “Aliens in Our Midst” stands hips and knees over anything else here. The lyric cleverly mixes yarns about literal aliens with uncharacteristically direct anecdotes about queers and weirdos who “turn out okay” despite shitty circumstances, creating an anthem that is sentimental, bleakly funny, and ultimately hopeful in the exact ratio I adore. The campy call and response vocals in the chorus, Plan 9-ass guitar tone, subtly counterintuitive riff… it’s the stuff abductions are made of.

16/365

Sidebar: Cartuneland.com, the bizarre website of Donnie Jupiter (AKA Don Marquez)

As noted, Jupiter/Marquez mostly switched to illustration after the collapse of the Twinkeyz, and he's still selling his art on eBay. His own site, Cartuneland.com, is bewildering and uncanny in the way webpages end up when a brand outsources its content management to an overseas SEO firm. Samples of his fantasy paperback-style art are interspersed with bland stock photography, and the structure of the site is clearly based on a corporate template—only Marquez isn’t advertising himself as a freelancer, and the site isn't connected to his eBay page. The contact and social links are variously empty or broken, and the links to his past comics direct to Wayback Machine-captures from an Angelfire-era version of the site the artist probably built himself.

Strangest of all is the blog which, shockingly, has two posts this month alone—both of them about the Bodhran, an Irish hand drum. Of the six total posts on the blog as of this writing, two of them are interviews with Marquez. The others are ChatGPT-quality posts about general topics in music (e.g. “Connecting literature to art”; “What is a tin whistle?”) and a peculiar first-person story about learning to play the flute, all credited to someone named Rachel George. The idea was probably to pad out the blog with keyword-laden content to help the site become more visible to search engines, but to what end? Is Marquez really all that bent on becoming the most visible hit on “Don Marquez music” or “Bodhran for beginners”? You wouldn’t be able to tell from the interviews, which feature terse answers from the former Twinkey, such as:

Q: Many of your creations are based on classic horror and sci-fi films from the 1950s.

DM: I wasn’t trying to be retro.

Q: What’s missing from the current cinema that makes old films so memorable?

DM: Horror is a broad genre. Horror is a vast genre.

What we’re looking at here is most likely a Fiver contractor’s unfinished attempt to turn Jupiter’s website into a place to sell his original art, but as it stands it’s an oddly perfect web presence for a 73-year-old garage micro-legend and purveyor of swords ‘n’ tits fantasy. If anybody finds Question Mark’s Livejournal, please drop a link in the comments. And Donnie, if you're reading this, get in touch and I will fix your website for cheap!

[soap-brain]

if you wanna hear about a truly fucked up work place, do look under the cut

if not, carry on :3

background: i work as an ambulance crewmember for a sort of non-government organisation that isn’t non-profit. this means me n my colleagues may be the kind of people who show up when you’re like, dying or whatever

however, my company is absolutely SHIT and yes i will be handing in my notice soon

in no particular order, here goes:

plenty of people at other similar companies got extra money for working during covid. we didn’t, because we “can’t expect special treatment every time something extraordinary happens”

we should, however, constantly wear our ffp2 masks, even when not with a patient / at a hospital (so even when we’re sitting around at the station with nothing to do). this is in fact illegal according to work law bc you have to have frequent enough breaks. our bosses therefore explained that ActuallyTM, when we’re driving to a call or back from a hospital, we’re not actually working and thus the law doesn’t apply

but fear not! this does not apply to our bosses, who can sit in their joint office and NOT wear a mask at all, because of... secret reasons. and they also don’t have to wear the mask in the building. for secret reasons again

recently, the covid guidelines changed countrywide. my company has decided that they can now order a covid positive person to come to work DESPITE currently being infected in case the personnel situation requires it (spoiler: we are always short staffed so the situation always requires it). this worker is then ASKED to wear a mask. not even required to. ASKED

luckily enough, our station is so big that one can easily avoid an infected coworker... or not! the one common room we have (also the only room with chairs) can only very barely fit everyone who works during weekdays. so assuming every ambulance is in we have less than 30 square meters

... unless you also count the bathroom! it’s very smelly and really kinda gross and there’s a hole in the wall leading to the garage

the heating doesn’t really work either. this is because the heating is shit and also bc the one door leading to the outside doesn’t close properly

this broken door leads to a small outdoorsy corridor which has adjoined to it two shipping containers. those are our changing rooms. every person gets a locker for their private stuff! this locker is slightly bigger than your average microwave. the changing rooms are also freezing. unless someone put the heating on, in which case they’re above 30 degrees celsius

we also have a kitchen. this kitchen contains a fridge about the size of a minifridge at a relatively posh hotel. if everyone brings a tupperware box full of lunch then about half the lunches will have to sit outside the fridge

the luxury coffee machine we’d crowdfunded among us for broke. the bosses took five months to get on to buying a new one. just because

(well. i ASSUME they’ve actually bought it and it will be installed. that’s what the bosses SAY. but i have reason to doubt their work)

we have wifi! about 6 mb/s...

last year we got smoke detectors installed. there were none before that.

the table is perpetually sticky. we do not know why. the chairs are perpetually really grossly discoloured. we do not ask why. the sofa is lumpy. we have accepted this.

there are, depending on the season, rats, mice, roaches, spiders, ants that are just. living there also.

the garage is unheated. meaning when we get to the weekly disinfecting routine that's required for each ambulance, we work with potentially freezing water. this is against work law, but our boss said the garage isn’t our workplace so it doesn’t matter if it’s cold there. the fact that we have to clean the ambulances in the garage, with the doors open due to the fumes from our disinfectant stuff... yeah....

but enough about how shit the building is! more about the people i work with!

there’s kevin, a perpetually sick chronic liar who presumably has münchhausen’s. he’s off sick more than half his working days. also he’s on opiates! he also comes to work while high off marijuana. he has also come to work while off sick and ordered people around

there was that one colleague who threatened to kill another colleague bc she’d been messaged by the first colleague’s boyfriend

same colleague worked while drunk once. there were three people who independently of each other smelled the booze on her breath. boss said he wouldn’t do anything bc we couldn’t prove it

the aforementioned boyfriend was fired after he physically attacked another colleague

one lady was only placed on probation after she’d: not resuscitated a patient who needed it, resuscitated (and thus injured) a patient who did NOT need it (and she did it incorrectly as well), threatened another colleague with violence, ignored the directives preventing the spread of infectious diseases and stole an ambulance

we have on several occasions hired people who didn’t have a driving license. you know, for the “drive ambulance” job

there was a guy who very frequently misused lights and sirens, destroyed important documents and destroyed patients’ health insurance cards after he forgot to give them back to them. he was never fired, just handed in his notice eventually

we have one guy who worked full time until the middle of last year (now only takes on shifts part time) bc he is in his mid 60s. he told the bosses hey, i’m old, i won’t do night shifts. they said okay cool we won’t plan you for any night shifts! but they lied

one girl likes to yell at dementia patients when they don’t immediately do what she wants (bc they can’t. understand. bc they have fucking dementia!!!!) (as in, patients with severe dementia)

there are a handful of people who sometimes just. don’t show up. or are perpetually late. there are no repercussions.

and the crowning achievement: our current vice station boss

company branch boss just decided that this guy would be a good fit. this guy is

racist: likes to be like “oh that name on the pager sounds mediterranean / arabic / smth like that. those people only pretend they have medical problems, let’s get some food before going there”

a sexual predator: approximately every young blonde girl who starts with us ends up reporting some kind of harrassment by him, including being pressed to take his number but also inappropriate touches. he has been reprimanded for this (gently) and we are not allowed to talk about it anymore. he continues his behaviour bc why not!

negligent at his actual job: likes to not check his ambulance at the beginning of the shift or not monitor patients properly

and really shit at his vice station boss duties! doesn’t do the shit that actually needs doing and rather thinks up new fancy ways he can tell all of us how to do our job while not making sure our storage is stocked up on all the things we need and while not getting any of the important paperwork done or not arranging any repairs for whatever shit is broken now etc

and now to company benefits!

if you jump through approximately eight billion hoops, you might get extra financing for your gym membership. this might also just cut out at some point

better check your salary thoroughly! people have gotten as little as zero monies despite working a full month bc of a widdle oopsie whoopsie somewhere!

get pressured to take on extra shifts!

but we do have a fruit bowl!

there’s more. there’s so goddamn much more. but if you speak up the boss will ensure you don’t do so again

i don’t even know when i’m leaving but by god i cannot wait