#ALSO the train one on his ds for a bit later

[tamagotchikgs]

i wanna do a huge marathon of playing thru all the major zelda games frm majoras mask onward so fucking bad rn

[chaos-in-deepspace]

L&DS Boys: Suspected Smut | 18+

Eeeeeeey my first written request for this blog homies! The request was asking for a scenario with the boys where they walk in on the reader either reading or writing a smutty novel that's based off their myths. Also make it crack. So here we go. I'm going to post a small, separate one later that has a Zayne attempt (had to write his twice) since I managed to make it slightly angsty somehow and it was such a stark contrast when read with the other two boys.

♡(ᓀ‸ᓂ)♡ Disclaimer: This is an original fan work for “Love and Deepspace”. Do not repost on other platforms or plagiarize. All characters shown in this fic is 18+. ♡(ᓀ‸ᓂ)♡ Warnings: Erotica Novels, Teasing, Crack Treated Seriously, Suggestive Scenarios, Mentions of Monster Fucking, Dark Romance Mentions, Reader ♡(ᓀ‸ᓂ)♡ Pairings: Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Xavier x Reader

Blog Information | Masterlist

Xavier

“What are you reading?” The voice made you scream as you slammed the book you had out shut. Your heart racing as you turned to Xavier in shock. He seemed just as surprised as you, his eyes now wide as though he had been the one caught doing something he shouldn’t.

“Words.” You said with a shrug. Now Xavier was curious, trying to see what you were reading. You hid the book behind your back and cleared your throat, “Seriously, it’s nothing important.” You tried convincing him.

He stared at you for a minute longer, then his posture relaxed. “If you really don’t wish to tell me, I won’t pressure you.” Xavier looked away dejectedly and oh goodness does it make you feel bad when you see him like that. Those pouty little eyes of his made your heart beat without fail, and they were now trained on the floor as he was prepared to leave you alone.

You let out the longest, most annoyed groan as you took the book out again. Xavier perked up, looking to see what it was. He read the title “A Luminous Lover”, his face was confused as he flipped it around to read the description. As his eyes skimmed the back recognition seemed to finally cross him.

Xavier turned to you, “Are you reading a romance novel involving Lumiere?” He said and you sighed, glad that the back of the book didn’t have anything too explicit on it. 

You sucked in your lips and nodded your head, “Ya, ya I am.” Your voice cracked a bit as you said this. Xavier seemed to be perplexed, his eyes shining in confusion and hurt. You then watched in horror as he opened the book up to read a bit.

He opened it to a random page, however with the contents of the book you just knew there was a 50/50 chance he’d see it. With how his eyes widened and mouth opened slightly, you knew he had found a scene, “You’re reading an…erotic novel about Lumiere.” He corrected himself.

You let out another groan, “Fuck, fine, yes I am.” You said, going to grab the book, “You can’t blame me for wanting to be railed by Lumiere on a rooftop while he tells me how I’m being so good for him and absolutely destroying me until all I can do it moan is name several times and cry while looking at the stars because it feels so good!” You said all in one breath, panting at the end of your long sentence.

Xavier stood shocked for a moment before smirking, “Then why read a book about it?” He asked, his eyebrow going up as he looked down at you, “You have something better at home, there’s no need to read this.”

You whined a bit, “But consider some of these things are downright impossible or…not plausible I should say. Things that can only happen or are acceptable in a novel like this.” You tried explaining. You managed to finally snatch the book from him and held it to your chest.

“We won’t know if it’s impossible until we try.” Xavier said, his hand ghosting over your waist now.

“You gonna put on the Lumiere costume?” You finally asked and he seemed to be almost offended.

“You'd rather be in Lumiere’s bed?” He asked, looking away.

“Xavier, you adorable dork, you are Lumiere.” You huffed, “And it’s called roleplaying. You’d be playing the role of Lumiere, and I’d be playing the role of a whore who worships your dick. Sound good?”

Xavier took a moment and just shook his head, “You truly are something else, starlight.” He said as he pulled you closer, “I won’t put on the costume, however if you’d like to be railed on a rooftop while staring up at the stars, I’d be more than happy to make that fantasy come true.” He said, leaning closer to you. You let out a small whimper as his mouth pressed a kiss against your neck.

“Fine…but later tonight. I wanna finish this chapter.” You said and Xavier huffed. He grabbed the book out of your hand and you watched in horror as he tossed it.

“No, perhaps I should give you a preview of tonight. It’ll be far more enjoyable than a book.” Xavier grumbled. Oh you adored this man, even if he did get jealous of himself in book form.

Zayne

“Might I ask what you’re writing, my beloved?” You paused for a moment at hearing his words, your head slowly turning to him. Your laptop was on the bed while you sprawled out, typing away like you didn’t have a care in the world. Your now wide eyes stared at your boyfriend, who had clearly been reading what was on your screen.

“Well…you see.” You started before realizing something, “Okay ya I have no defense for this. You’re not allowed to judge me though. You love me.” You pointed at him sternly then looked back at your writing. You went to close your laptop, but Zayne’s hand prevented that.

“You never answered my question.” He said and you groaned, wanting to crawl into a hole and die. You looked at him with a small pout, hoping he would give up questioning you. It didn’t work this time as he waited for an explanation.

You let out an annoyed groan, “Okay so like…I had an idea about a serial killer, but like he’s a good guy who dresses in all black and like kills for a good cause. And uuuuuh…” You said, thinking about what had initially sparked this. You had seen a yandere in a show and you had thought ‘But what if Zayne?’ which led to you writing this. The main character was based on Zayne, clearly. Hopefully he didn’t catch onto that though.

“And all that led to…this scene on your screen?” Zayne said, motioning to your writing. Honestly you hadn’t even gotten to the steamiest part yet. You had only started your debauched writing.

“Okay maybe I wanna get railed by a man who’s a lil scary and not very expressive but also will kill if someone looks at me wrong. It’s just a fantasy. If it were real life no way in hell would this be fine, but the thought of a hot man breaking into my window and then fucking me into the mattress is just so…sexy…” You trailed off from your rambles, looking at Zayne then to the floor.

Your dear boyfriend, in his defense, managed to recover from your small confession pretty fast as he looked at you. “That’s truly what goes through your head?” He finally asked and you swallowed a lump in your throat.

“I mean…sometimes…” You finally said. You noticed there was a conflicted look in Zayne’s eyes, almost like he was realizing something in the deep recess of his mind. He just shook his head, shoving whatever thoughts or memories he had as he approached you.

“And this type of situation, you’d only ever want it in a fantasy setting, correct?” He asks, as though making sure there was some semblance of sanity left in you.

“Obviously. If someone actually broke through my window I’m waking you up to deal with them.” You said, crossing your arms. You could see the small, subtle twitch of a smile on Zayne’s face.

“Even if in the fantasy I’m the one breaking through the window?” He asked and you paused. You looked at him suspiciously.

“Why would you think it was…you I was writing about?” You murmured. Zayne walked over to you, pinning you in place by putting his hands on either side of your thighs as he leaned in.

“I shouldn’t have to remind you that you named the male lead after me. I can see my name on your screen.” He paused, “Along with other things.” He said and you didn’t know if you should feel bashful or turned on at the moment…perhaps both.

“Well,” You cleared your throat, “since you know.” another quick pause as you fluttered your eyelashes, “Hey Zayne, I’m having some trouble writing this scene.” You said, trying to give him a cutesy expression.

“And?” He murmured, getting closer to you.

“Think you could give me a helping hand at…testing out a few positions and kinks to see if they’d work. For inspiration of course.” You said, your hands trailing his shirt until they got to his tie. You played with it as you looked at him with needy eyes.

“Thought you said they were only good for fantasies, why would you want to play out a scene?” He teased and you chuckled.

“Well sir, perhaps some things don’t have to remain a fantasy.” You said, tilting your head. You gasped as you felt Zayne’s lips on yours, pressing closer but before he could leave you breathless, Zayne parted.

“I do apologize, I have something important I need to do.” He said and you huffed, feeling like you got doused in cold water suddenly. There was always something.

“What do you need to do?” You bitterly said, pouting at you gave him a half assed glare.

“I need to call a psychologist for you, snowflake.”

You paused, gathering your thoughts but there were none, “Um why?”

“Because I’m fairly certain you need help psychologically. You realize you shouldn’t be placing guns-” You cut Zayne off by covering his mouth.

“I hate you…” You muttered. You felt his lips kissing the palm of your hand with amusement swimming behind those hazel eyes.

“And I adore you…most of the time.”

Rafayel

You almost screamed when you felt cool, wet lips kissing the back of your neck. You clutched your phone to your chest, your cheeks warm as you looked behind you to see Rafayel. He was smirking, looking you over; he was clearly proud at having startled you.

“Raf…” You warned, but the man in question just threw his hands up in mock surrender.

“I do apologize, my dear bodyguard, but I feel like you shouldn’t be so distracted when you have a job to do. If I was able to sneak up on you, imagine what could happen to me.” He said, placing a hand over his chest.

“Rafayel, we are in your art studio. In the middle of the day, no less.” You point out, “I think you’re safe.”

“You never know, what if someone breaks in and kidnaps me while your nose is in your phone?” He was pouting as he then looked at said object being clutched to your chest, “What ended up distracting you? It wouldn’t be anything naughty, now would it? The blush on your cheeks are telling.” Now he was just teasing you.

“It’s important stuff…research if you will.” You said and now he seemed even more intrigued.

“What are you researching?” He asked and you bit back a blush, willing your body and the gods to help it go away. 

“Stuff.” You murmured. This wasn’t doing it for Rafayel as he looked down at you with a frown.

“If you don’t tell me, I’ll just assume you were up to no good.” He said, leaning closer to you, “The only way to prove your innocence is to tell me, my pearl.”

You let out a groan and averted your eyes; you didn’t want this man to see the guilty admission in them. After all, your fish boy was right. You were up to no good, reading ‘naughty things’ as he so eloquently put it. Apparently you were silent for a moment too long though, because you felt his hands trailing up your sides and under your shirt.

Before you could ask him what he was doing, he pinched your hips hard. You let out a yelp, and at the moment the grip on your phone loosened enough for Rafayel to steal it from you. When you saw it, you flushed and tried to swipe it back, “Rafayel, you bastard man, give that back!” You hissed.

Sadly the man knew your password and he was soon looking at exactly what you were reading. A small story about a sea god…that happened to be extremely explicit with some monster elements to it. Rafayel’s face went from curiosity to burning red in an instant.

“You were reading naughty things!” He accused; you let out a groan, trying again to swipe your phone back. He wasn’t done though as he continued, “Wait…is that even possible? And he only has one? Now this certainly isn’t lore accurate.” He teased with a large, toothy grin.

“Rafayel, stop teasing me. Am I not mortified enough?” You said before pausing, “Wait…what do you mean he only has one?” You said and Rafayel seemed to realize his mistake. His eyes widened and he sucked in his lips for a moment as he tried to think of a way out of this.

“Raffie, do you have two dicks in your other form?” You said, your eyes twinkling. You guys hadn’t slept together while he was like that since it was such a rare treat for you to even view his other form. “You’ve been holding out on me.”

“Wait, you’re into that?” Rafayel finally asked after realizing what you said.

“Babes, if I knew I could be a double stuffed oreo with you, I would’ve been begging you to take me in your fish form more so than I already do.” You said, not bothering to stop your language. Rafayel choked on air at your confession and tried to regain himself.

“Double stuffed oreo?” He echoed, “I don’t think I have ever heard someone say that in such an unsexy way.” 

“Is that a challenge?”

“No, it absolutely isn’t…wait, so were you researching…” He began but you were already willing to give him an answer.

“Wanted to figure out what positions might work best, so I was researching. Plus the male lead described in this book sounds like you so it was pretty easy to put myself in the place of the main character…which by the way do you think you could fuck me in the ocean while doing the little mermaid rock pose and calling me a-”

“That’s enough.” He said, and noticed you attempted to speak once more, “Ah ah ah.” He chided, “Not. A. Single.” He leaned closer, “Word.”

To which you replied with a moan.

I hope you guys enjoyed this! It's dumb and fun! I enjoyed writing it (tbh I've been wanting to write it but gah so many things to write, so little time)

[an-idiot-in-a-costume]

i made my own pokemon creepy pasta :D

I think you've all heard about those haunted pokemon game stories, ones about kids that commit suicide over a game song, or ones talking about a kid getting killed by a Pikachu on a mountain, but this, I think this was more than some hacked game, I think this was an awakening of some sorts.

About a week ago, one of my friends sent me a text message asking me if I wanted their copy of pokemon diamond, since they had just finished the game. I remember diamond used to be my dream pokemon game, but I never got to play it, so I decided to take it from them. I popped by their house a few hours later, mainly because we planned on hanging out anyway, and after we were done, they handed me the game on the way out, saying “I already deleted my old file, so you don't have to feel guilty about deleting it or anything.” After that, we said our goodbyes and I left and went home.

I was incredibly excited to play it, so the moment I got in my house I ran to my room and practically shoved the game into my ds, the game start-up was normal, the entire thing was, it was practically just like buying an unused version of the game. I choose piplup, and kept my eye out for any glitches or anything, just to make sure everything was just like a normal game and that my friend didn't just hand me a hacked game.

Eventually, I came to the 6th gym leader, Bryon, his steel type pokemon we're just a bit too over leveled for my team, so I went to a pokecenter to heal my pokemon, and just decided to talk to the other people in there. I came across an NPC named dean, he was your standard NPC that asked to trade pokemon, he said for a gallade, hed trade me a garchomp. I just decided I'd be a good training opportunity, plus a garchomp is a good pokemon, so I went and found a male ralts after a lot of hunting, and after lots of training and opening lots of poke balls for a dawn stone, I finally had the gallade that dean wanted.

After a bit of traveling, I finally got back to that pokecenter and went to give dean his pokemon, but in the middle of the trade sequence, a text box came up with his name on it, saying “no.” The screen went back to the pokecenter, and another text box of deans popped up “I don't want a gallade, why did I ask you for one? Why am I in this pokecenter? I dont even have pokemon to heal.” Dean then just shook his head and ran out of the pokecenter.

This was the only weird thing that happened the entire game, but I wanted to know something,was this just ment to happen? So I texted my friend who gave me the game.

Me: hey, if you went to the pokecenter by bryons gym, did some npc while you were trading with them run out?

Friend: nah, that npc is the reason I got a garchomp

Me: seriously? Because when I tried to give him that gallade he said he didn't want it and left

Friend: bring it to like game stop or something that's where I got it.

The only problem was that I was pretty far from the nearby game stop, plus it was midnight. I decided to just go in the morning and continue the game for now.

Everything in the game was pretty normal, no glitches, couple of shinies, but everything changed when I got to Spear pillar, suddenly the whole game was in black and white, and small red pixels were seen going towards where giratina would steal Cyrus, but instead there was that npc again, and a cut scene happened. The NPCs name box no longer said dean, it just said npc, and he was yelling, things like “why did you give me consciousness!?” And “I didn't ask for this!” I couldn't tell if he was yelling at arceus or giratina or a different legendary. But suddenly a glitchy scream came from my ds speakers, and the npc fell over, I went up to them and hit A…

“This npc has died, they're lying in a pool of blood and missing an arm and both of their eyes.”

-------------------------------------------------

Please give me honest criticism on it! Id also love to know if you guys think I should post this on the pokemon creepy pasta wiki too!

[jvstheworld]

The Buffy re-watch: S1E6 (part 1)

The Pack

Let's do this.

We begin with a school trip to the zoo. Does anyone miss school trips? I never went anywhere fun for mine, for some reason my high school only really started to to do school trips after I left, which sucks. And the only trip I went on when at Uni was to London to go see Parliament (it was a requirement for first year journalism students).

And introducing your classic high school bullies. Bullies can go fuck themselves, we don't tolerate that here.

Why is the Principal on the school trip? Is that a thing? I wouldn't know since the guy who was the principal at my school when I was there was embroiled in a scandal that got him fired.

Sketchy zookeeper giving out hyena facts that will surely be used later in the episode.

Those hyena puppets are bad. There's no way to sugar coat it. They are terrible. I get it is a small budget show, mid season replacement, but could have tried a bit harder.

Animal possession. Oh the joy. And it got Xander too. This isn't going to go well.

Trip over, to the Bronze we go, where Willow notices Buffy jonesing for Angel.

I still want the leather jacket Buffy wears.

Fight training, a reminded to Giles that he needs better pads to protect his body.

Okay, did schools really have live animals as mascots? Do they still? How do they afford it? Animals are expensive. If you can't afford to look after an animal, don't get one.

This is one of the few times I relate to Xander. I suck at maths too.

Don't scare the pig. He does look like a Herbert, he's cute.

Ah dodgeball. You must remember the 5 Ds of dodgeball: dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge. Man, that was an odd film but had a good cast, including Alan Tudyk who plays Wash in Firefly and Serenity (RIP Wash) and also Alpha in Dollhouse.

In theory, Buffy should be good at sports, right? So her being the last one in dodgeball makes sense. But poor Willow and Lance.

They ate the pig! It was alive and they ate it! It would have been scared and screaming and they ate it. Quick PSA: please properly cook any meat you intend to eat to avoid any illnesses and parasites.

Part 2 tomorrow where I will have much to say about a certain part that concerns Buffy and Xander.

[dont-call-me-algernon]

For the Pokemon ask do Exp. Share, Master Ball, and then whichever gen is your favorite and whichever type is your favorite!

Exp. Share: Your first Pokémon game & when you played it

Ruby version for the gba (actually played on my DS lite tho). I did some math and iirc I was like 12/13 at the time. There's actually a funny anecdote about how I got into pokemon in the first place – I was at summer camp and there was this kid one or two years older than me who had brought his gameboy and spent every lunch break playing pokemon Ruby. He was kind of the “cool kid” so everyone naturally gravitated around him. One day me and a couple others went up to him and asked him if he could show us what he was playing. Fast forward two days later and I was pestering my parents for a pokemon game. One of the best decisions I've ever made, honestly asdfghjk

Hoenn still has a very special place in my heart for that very reason and some of my all-time favourite 'mons are from gen III!

Master ball: favourite legendary

Ho-oh, Latias and Latios

I don't have much to say about Ho-oh, other than I've always really liked how it it looked and, since I was too young to play Gold when it came out, when I finally got my hands on HG I literally rushed it until I could finally get my hands on it.

Latias and Latios, on the other hand, I like both the design, their unique typing, and the lore around them (they're twins, how cute is that??). I think that, despite blue being my favourite colour, I like Latias a little bit more? But they're so similar that picking just one didn't feel right, so yeah.

Favourite pokemon of my favorite gen (gen III)

Flygon

My boy. My son. Absolute peak design. Jokes aside, this is very much a case of "I don't know why I like this specific 'mon so much, but I do". I guess I just find its design very unique for a dragon type and very pleasant to look at, not to mention the fact that I've grown even more attached to it ever since having it on my main team last time I re-played B2W2, a couple years ago. It looks friendly and I want to be its friend :)

Favourite pokemon of my favourite type (flying)

You know, up until a few months ago I would have said fire was my favourite type without a doubt. But lately I just sort of realised that in terms of sheer numbers there are actually more flying type 'mons I like using than fire types, so flying it is! I narrowed it down to these three:

Talonflame, Altaria, Wattrel

Using talonflame a lot is legit one of the few memories I have retained of my pokemon X playthrough (the other is a random shiny Sylveon I got from wonder trade that basically became my ace). The design is simple, but imo it works well for what it's trying to represent. Then again, I might be biased because I've always liked 'mons that are basically "what if this real-life animal had a cool elemental power?" 😂

Altaria is one of those nostalgic faves that bring me back to my early days as a pokemon fan. I vividly remember seeing the Altaria in Winona's team and being like "WHAT IS THAT I WANT THAT". Except it was my very first pokemon game, kid me had no concept of how evolution worked just yet and also had very limited access to the internet. I don't know how it dawned on me that I had to catch a Swablu and train it in order to get one, but I do know that I was ecstatic when I finally did!

Another new entry from SV, I was so excited to see this little guy leaked. I've seen a lot of people online complain that Wattrel is just some bird, which I guess it's true, but I happen to like just some bird. Plus, flying-electric is a very cool type combination that makes it and its evolution a lot of fun to battle with too. I went with Wattrel instead of Kilowattrel simply because, visually, I like the small guy a little bit more.

Thank you for the ask, this was lots of fun!

[fanfic-obsessed]

I am sure I will have ideas for other parts but for this specifically:

-actually i think it would be very funny if Obi-Wan showed up literally right after Endor, while they’re all having their celebration. Vader is there. Cody is hovering menacingly right behind Luke, who is trying to get his Dad and his Father to get along (Cody is confused because as far as he knows, he and his commanding officer are on perfectly cordial terms)

-Cody’s like “oh HEY obiwan” and immediately tries to kill him because technically speaking no one ever revoked order 66

First of all this is the most cordial murder attempt Obi Wan has ever had (considering the amount of people who tried to kill him who ended up his freinds later, or friends who tried to kill him, or was Hondo Ohnaka-who defied categorization- that is saying something). Like Cody is shooting at him while cheerfully reporting on Luke's life(Both becasue Obi Wan was also a superior officer once and Cody will take any chance to brag about Luke) and talking about how nice to see Obi Wan again, how has he been, etc. Obi Wan is dodging and answering, asking questions of his own. Vader is standing off to one side, wishing for popcorn and a little befuddled.

Obi Wan, in between trying to find Luke, has actually been living on Alderaan and training Leia (Alderaan was not destroyed here because Vader heard a rumor that Luke and cody were on the planet and so he sabotaged the DS himself, Luke still destroyed it though). Leia is also there and the only reason she is not interfearing is Obi Wan/Ben seems to be having fun? At least after the first couple of shots.

At some point Luke tries to get Cody to stop, only to be told that he is following orders. Luke turns to Vadere to get those orders rescinded. Vader says, '...but this is entertaining and Obi Wan left me limbless and burning. Watching him get shot at by his former Commander (lover if you are a Codywan fan like me) is very theraputic'.

To which Obi Wan responds, both exasperated and more that a bit breathless (he is not as young as he once was and he had been dodging blaster fire while chatting for an hour already), that he is sorry but that Vader/Anakin had just killed the younglings and to be fair he thought he had left him for dead, not left him for a torture suit.

Luke turns these absolutely killer tooka eyes on Vader, 'you killed children?'

And Vader sputters for a bit going, "...look..." and "it was a bad set of days for all involved ok?" and "hey, a few of those younglings bit me when I was babysitting in the creche, ok?"

Luke's tooka eyes keep getting bigger and sadder. Cody's shooting has slowed as he starts twitching toward Luke, like he needs to hug him only to pick up again when he looks back Obi Wan.

Finally Vader sighs and recinds Order 66.

They’re having a very serious conversation about Cody’s behaviour (being mean to uncle Ben)

[non-plutonian-druid]

hi taking my opportunity to ask you about your snicket five au

I don't know anything about that universe bc I never got around to reading it but I am very interested

Hello!!! i am glad i mentioned it in that one ask i got bc i got a few people asking me about it!! and i am so happy for the interest, thanks yall so much

TBH i debated how much i wanted to give away since not everything is decided and i kind of wanted to reveal it alongside art i make for it? but that's been slow going, so i shall reveal some of my cards now

first. the posts that exist: five invades elliott's shop and ben gets experimented on (cw for medical horror). Those posts, this post, and any future posts will be under my snicket five au tag

Most of the time I've been assuming people are at least aware of A Series of Unfortunate Events' whole deal, but given that you said you don't have any, I'll explain the relevant bit quickly: Lemony Snicket is the pseudonym of the author, but is also a character within the narrative, researching and telling us the story of the Baudelaire children after their parents are killed by the "villainous" section of a secret society called VFD. He's a very unreliable narrator, and is a part of the "good" side of VFD, kind of. My au is of the prequel series, All the Wrong Questions, which stars Lemony Snicket as a snarky asshole child instead of a snarky asshole adult

A collection of other relevant bits:

VFD, at this point in Lemony's childhood, is divided and the cracks are showing, but has not yet actually Schismed. That happens later.

Daniel Handler (the author) is Jewish, and I know just enough about that to know that it has a huge influence on the themes and texture of both atwq and asoue (things like "the eldritch monster is a metaphor for death, but specifically a very jewish concept of death"), but nowhere near enough to then take those themes and play with them in an interesting and informed way. I wanted to mention it because, lacking the ability to do that part of the series justice, i wanted to at least inform you all about it bc I think the au would be more interesting if i could

VFD is a cult. yes, all of it. yes, even the side that puts out fires.

I actually need to go through and do a ton of work revamping the premise and making events shake out differently, because at the moment it follows ATWQ really closely and I'm not fond of that. Things need to be different! But for the moment, the following is what I have.

Five is an actual 13 year old who has just completed his training with the Commission (a mysterious organization with mysterious purposes but which, in this case, probably doesn't involve teaching a child to murder) and is now an apprentice! He has to pick a chaperone, a word which here means "someone like a mentor except without the obligation to actually teach him anything or really to take care of him in any meaningful way". He picks the Handler, hoping she will leave him to his own devices enough that he can carry out a heist he has planned with his associate and not at all his friend, Delores (who gets to be a real person! good for her).

Unfortunately, the Handler immediately drags him out to a dying town that has the interim name DS, to leave him to his own devices enough that he could carry out a heist in that location instead. Too bad that's not where the heist is planned.

(Delores proceeds to try to do the heist on her own anyway, and spends the rest of the series arrested)

DS are the initials that i will be using to refer to the small town of the au. It is replacing a town in the series by the name of Stain'd By the Sea (you'll notice that is a parody of a naming convention in New England, because This Noir Flick Has Lovecraft In It, Baby). I haven't decided what D.S stands for because TUA has unhelpfully not given me anything to work with, but the town is a dying company town that used to manufacture umbrellas. In it, there is a now-defunct school that used to teach the children of the workers/citizens. Like some kind of.... umbrella academy.

(The school is plot relevant in ATWQ too! I'm not just having fun.)

Nowadays, DS is dying and most of the inhabitants have left to set up lives in The City, leaving their children behind to close up shop until things are more stable, which results in Just So Many undersupervised children. Meanwhile, a mysterious villain called the Monocle is doing mysterious villain things.

'Mysterious villain things', at the moment, means committing a series of seemingly unconnected crimes across DS and also reopening the school, saying that tuition is free for citizens of DS! The kids that go there don't come out.

That is our setup; now what are our beloved characters up to?

Luther in this au is an adult (barely). He was a boxer in the city but had to retire after an injury and left to DS where it was quiet. Since then he’s made friends with Allison Hargreeves, an up-and-coming actress who has returned to DS because she feels obligated to help her parents get ready to leave.. Luther lives in a refurbished observatory on the outskirts of town, and  spends many of his mornings at the local diner, Griddy’s, where he frequently sees and occasionally chats with Five. He gets first embroiled in the plot when Five asks him to come along to look intimidating while he solves a mystery. He gets worried about this little guy!

Diego and Patch are approximately 15. Patch’s dad used to be a police officer before he retired, and she and Diego are very unimpressed with the current state of the police department, which is made of two mean and unhelpful people named Hazel and Cha Cha. So they’ve taken matters into their own hands! They’ve set up a detective agency-slash-vigilante-justice and are Determined to solve crime in DS. Diego is VERY suspicious of Five. He definitely knows more than he’s letting on! Why won’t he tell us! Diego does NOT want to be his friend shut up Patch!!

Allison’s parents want to shut down the company they run, but to Allison that’s quitting! She wants to revive it. This, combined with the fact that her plan actually has a chance of succeeding, means that she is a threat to the Monocle’s plan. He needs the town to be dead and full of children that nobody cares about! The Monocle is trying to get rid of her, but with the help of Five and Luther in particular, she’s been thwarting him thus far.

Klaus and Ben are a pair of unsupervised children, but unlike most children in DS they’ve been unsupervised for a very long time. Klaus takes an assortment of odd jobs at different times, and Ben likes to read in the library (and has a giant and obvious crush on the librarian). Normally they're inseparable, but the school recently opened! and its free! Ben has always wanted to go to school. He promises he'll write Klaus every single day.

Klaus hasn't heard from Ben in months. At first he was angry, but now he's getting worried

Viktor's parents run an instrument store. Well. Used to. Now they have left to set up their life in the city, leaving behind what they think is their dutiful daughter to close the store. Viktor's real passion is writing, and he's never seen without his typewriter. I'm not decided on how many people Viktor is out to. Everybody? Only Five because this is a new person to introduce himself to with his chosen name? To Be Determined.

Lila is searching for her father. She will do anything to find him. The Monocle kidnapped him, she’s certain of it. He was a professor of quantum mechanics at a university outside the city and he’s been gone for almost a year. She’s tracked him to DS, and she’s certain he has to be here somewhere. Has Five seen or heard anything about him? His name is Reginald Hargreeves and she misses him so much.

Elliott is a nervous 20-something who runs a nearly-closed television store in town. The character he’s a replacement for is actually a librarian, but I like the aesthetic of the television store, so someone else is the librarian. He has conspiracy-theoried his way into figuring out that the Commission exists, but is wrong in some key way. Five breaks into his house and forcibly adopts him and now the store is Five’s hideout, and Elliott is kind of his adult supervision and kind of thinks Five is an alien. Elliott makes good coffee, is very mousy but likes Five a lot,

Since the librarian man is now a television salesman, we need a new librarian. I nominate Jill! Shes a college student working at the library as part of her internship, except she doesnt have any supervisors on location so shes just… running the place. Five is trying to recruit her for the Commission.

Griddy’s was once run by a woman named Agnes, who has since retired. Now it’s being run by a woman named Grace, who is her… sister? Daughter? Sister in law or niece? Five can't figure it out; everyone seems to have a different idea of who she is. She’s very pretty, and at first seems perfectly normal, but at some point, something about her seems… off. Is she okay? If Five didn’t know any better, he’d say it's like she’s malfunctioning.

While Five is running around solving mysteries and meeting all these people, the Monocle is enacting his evil plan. He’s trying to grow a tentacled eldritch monster called the Horror, and he’s been using kids as dirt to grow little tentacle monster sprouts in. He’s based his operations in DS because it’s a dying little town that no one cares about, full of kids left on their own while their parents move out. He reopens the old school, and promises to educate any of the kids in the town for free (and also inject them with baby horror growing particles). Despite his many experiments, all of his attempts to grow the horror so far have eventually failed and the Horror died before it was big enough to use for world domination or whatever (or even before it was big enough to kill one measly human). But Ben…. Ben has been promising...

[inkweaver22-blr]

Who wants to hear about my hypothetical Spirit Tracks sequel?

Don't answer because you're going to hear about it anyway!

Buckle up because this is the single most self-indulgent concept for a Zelda game possibly ever. It incorporates themes, ideas, story elements, and even some game mechanics from all over the Zelda franchise if I happen to personally enjoy them so apologies if your favorite thing from a Zelda game isn't included!

Anyway, let get on with it!

The Legend of Zelda: Dragon Gates

A Basic Concept and Overview

(Note: This is an initial draft and as such all names, concepts, events, mechanics, dialogue, and themes are subject to change at any point.)

The game opens with the cutout cardboard slideshow telling us a story, but instead of the events of Spirit Tracks, it goes back a bit farther…

“Long ago, before the war with Malladus, the Spirits of Good and the people of land lived together in harmony. But there was another group who lived in this realm with them: the Dragons.

“The Dragons were mighty beings and guardians of nature. So long as the land was respected, they kept to themselves.

“When the Demon Wars began, the Dragons held a council to decide which side they would support.

“While some wished to join the Demon King, the majority decided to assist the Spirits of Good in the conflict.

“Dissatisfied, the dissenting Dragons went to Malladus and told him of the council’s decision.

“Fearing the power the Dragons wielded, Malladus slew the messengers and used their blood in a ritual to banish all of the Dragons of the land into the sky. There they were sealed amongst the stars, forever looking down onto the world they once called home.

“After Malladus’ defeat, the Spirits of Good were too drained to reverse the seal placed on the Dragons. Instead they created the Dragon Signs; constellations to honor their decision to fight against evil.

“The Dragon Signs only appear once every fifty years. It is said that during the time that they shine in the sky, the Dragons can leave the realm of the sky they have been trapped in and wander the land as spirits.

“They inspect the world for any mistreatment of nature. Anyone found guilty of disrespecting the land is said to be cursed with misfortune until their transgressions are reversed while those who have been respectful will find themselves overflowing with good luck!

“So as you go about your days during the month that the Dragon Signs are visible, be respectful to the land around you! You never know when the spirit of a Dragon may be watching…”

The screen pulls out and instead of Niko, we see the young girl from Aboda Village, Rei, who is now a teenager around 14. Rei asks Link if her storytelling was as good as Mr. Niko’s. Screen pans to Link who appears to be 18-19 and has the Lokomo Sword sheathed on his back. He isn’t asleep for once and gives her a reassuring nod.

Rei expresses relief and nervousness as she is the one presenting this tale at the opening ceremony of the Dragon Sign Festival later that evening. She’s just sad her teacher, Mr. Niko, can’t be there to see it…

Alfonzo shows up to let Link know that he’s finished putting the parts of the train together and how the new driving system has been installed. They should probably leave now if they’re to pick up Princess Zelda to take her to the festival grounds.

The three head to the train station where Link��s train is waiting and is using the Dragon Train set from Spirit Tracks. Rei remarks and how life-like it looks before they get on. This part acts as the train-driving tutorial again with Alfonzo talking about the new driving system which explains the new controls as this game wouldn’t take place on a DS.

As they drive to Castle Town, they pass by the festival grounds which have been set up on one of the plains of the Forest Realm. Rei expresses excitement over all the colorful tents she can see in the distance.

They make it to Castle Town and Zelda, also 18-19 and carrying a rapier on her hip, immediately shows up with a few guards escorting her. She says how good it is to see Link and Alfonzo again and gets introduced to Rei. She tells her how she can’t wait to hear her rendition of the story at the ceremony.

They all board the train and head to the festival grounds.

Once at the festival, Rei leaves to go to the central stage to set up, Alfonzo heads off to go sign up for the sword fighting competition, and Zelda asks Link if he could accompany her as she explores the festival for a bit before the opening ceremony. You gain control of Link at this point and can explore around with Zelda following behind you and offering comments on whatever you click to investigate.

You can end this segment by approaching the central stage and interacting with it. The lighting changes from mid afternoon to just before sunset. There is a cutscene of Rei finishing off her story and a shot of the audience applauding, lingering for a moment on someone dressed in full-body armor with the helmet shaped like a dragon’s head.

Zelda takes the stage and gives a speech about the Dragon Signs and respecting the land. She continues as the sun sets and asks everyone to look to the sky. Once it sets, the screen pans to the sky and above the Tower of Spirits, and a new constellation appears. Zelda officially declares the festival open and fireworks go off.

Cut to Zelda and Link sitting and watching some swordsmen fighting in an arena. Zelda asks if Link is excited for his match. Link, who had been dozing off, asks what she means and Zelda laughs at his forgetfulness. One of the prizes of the sword fighting competition was the chance to fight an exhibition match with New Hyrule’s Champion: Link.

Link is a bit embarrassed for having forgotten but their attention is brought back to the arena when the two finalists, Alfonzo and the guy in dragon armor, face off.

Here we have the first major departure from the series as you then gain control over Alfonzo and the game’s sword fighting tutorial begins. Basic tips on how the controls work pop up and you must complete them before you can fully fight the dragon armor guy.

Once you do enough damage to him, it jumps back into a cutscene where the dragon armor guy gets disarmed. Staggering back, he is in disbelief that anyone other than a Dragon could have such strength. Alfonzo just smirks and turns back to where Zelda and Link are sitting.

Zelda congratulates Alfonzo and Link jumps into the arena for the exhibition match. They get into their stances to get ready to fight when murmuring breaks out. The camera pans to reveal that the Dragon Armor Guy hasn’t left the arena yet and has in fact picked his sword back up.

Zelda, calmly yet sternly asks for him to leave the arena, and he just laughs. He says how he had been holding back for his own amusement and now he will show them the true power of a Dragon.

Dark energy begins to crackle around him and a dark fireball forms in his hand. As the audience screams he throws it at Link and Alfonzo. They flinch away only for a shield of blue energy to form in front of them, blocking it.

Zelda is now in the arena behind Link and Alfonzo with her rapier drawn and her hand outstretched and glowing with power. She angrily demands who the guy is and he only laughs and gets into a fighting stance and summons dragons of shadow around him.

Here is the second major departure of the game. You gain control of Zelda and get a tutorial for her spellsword combat in order to fight the magically powered Dragon Armor Guy. While you fight him as Zelda, Link and Alfonzo are taking care of the shadow dragons around you.

Once you deal enough damage we get a cutscene where he blasts her back. Saying how he grows tired of these games he snaps his fingers.

The stars in the Dragon Sign above the Tower of Spirits turn dark red-purple and we get shots from the other realms as well of the other Dragon Signs doing the same.

The ground begins to shake as the signs turn into giant circular portals in the sky. From the portal hundreds of little spirit orbs descend and begin possessing the many pieces of dragon-themed items around the festival and start attacking people. The most dangerous of these being the giant wood carving that acted as the centerpiece of the festival.

While Zelda, Link, and Alfonzo are distracted by this, Dragon Armor Guy rushes up and knocks the two men away and seizes Zelda. Before she can fight back, he places a sleeping spell on her.

He begins to float into the sky with her, claiming how her Light will be useful in breaking their prison for good and then how they will take back the lands from the filthy humans. With a laugh he flies off.

Link and Alfonzo try to give chase on foot, but are stopped by the giant wood dragon. Before it can attack, it gets tackled by something. We then see Link’s Dragon Train fight off the statue before turning to the two and urging them to get on as they can’t allow (insert Dragon Armor Guy’s name) to go through that portal with the princess.

They shake off their surprise and protest about protecting the civilians, when Russel, the Captain of the Guard, walks by with some organized soldiers and tells them that he has a handle on things here and to get on. They do and Dragon Train hops over the tents and lands back onto the tracks and takes off after the figure in the sky.

The Dragon Armor Guy is heading for the portal above the Tower of Spirits. Alfonzo wishes they could follow him into the air and Dragon Train gives off a roar. The Spirit Tracks begin glowing and new tracks rise into the air in a spiral around the tower form.

As they circle the tower we get the canon tutorial for the train which is used to hit Dragon Armor Guy as he flies upwards. (Perhaps Dragon Train has some other special attacks as well?)

You can’t fail this part and once you hit him enough he staggers and drops Zelda. But they’re close enough to the portal that she starts getting pulled up into it. Link jumps into the pillar of light and is pulled up too.

Dragon Train shouts a warning about how any human who enters the Dragon Realms will forever be changed and cannot return as they once were. Dragon Armor Guy recovers and flies up to intercept Link. Alfonzo shoots at him with the cannon and the blast separates the three as they go through the portal.

A surge of energy from the portal forces Dragon Train to move away despite Alfonzo’s protests and he claims there’s nothing they can do.

Jump to Link and Zelda being thrown about in a vortex as they pass through the portal. Zelda gets surrounded by her golden light and passes through the wall of the vortex and is separated from Link.

We get close ups of Link’s face and body as he shouts in pain and begins to change. He is transformed into a dragon and blacks out.

(I imagine he looks as if Spyro was designed to be an Eastern dragon instead of European and was also green. Longer and thinner body, no wings, and a mane of fur on his head and tail. I’ll try to get a more detailed description of him later.)

Link is awoken some time later and freaks out a little to his new body before looking around. He’s on a large island that seems to be floating in an endless sea of clouds.

Here we get the tutorial on how to control Dragon Link. This island is pretty small and it isn’t long before you come across what seems like a den/shrine with a statue of a shining white dragon. You get the prompt to save and the screen cuts to black.

We jump to Zelda, who awakens in the courtyard of some large palace. She must quickly hide from what appears to be dragon-shaped Phantoms.

Here we get a stealth tutorial as her magic and rapier are useless against the Dragon Phantoms. She explores a small area before discovering a safe room of sorts with a statue of a shining white dragon. You get the prompt to save and the screen cuts to black.

We jump back to Alfonzo and the Dragon Train who have returned to the festival grounds. They find that most of the possessed dragon items have been driven off, but you control Alfonzo to help finish off the rest. Russel thanks him for his assistance and explains that no one was seriously hurt. But now the dragons are loose across the land and it’s once again too dangerous to travel as several other dragon-themed trains were possessed as well.

Alfonzo goes and demands explanations from Dragon Train. Dragon Train is about to start when he gets a jolt. His eyes begin to glow white and the scene jumps to both Link and Zelda where the eyes of the dragon statue are glowing as well.

Dragon Train is able to connect to all three of them and they’re able to talk to each other through him so they all get the explanation at the same time.

After being imprisoned into the sky by Malladus, the Dragons grew to accept this new realm of floating islands and endless clouds as their new home. They built the Palace of Nature and elected Guardians of the Lands who, every fifty years, would go down to the human realm as spirits and used their powers to keep the balance of nature and civilization in check.

Dragon Train was originally the Guardian of Light and leader of the Guardians of the Lands at the Palace of Nature. They were content with their life until one of their own grew dissatisfied and overthrew the realm.

With a strange dark power he separated all the dragons from their bodies and sealed them within the corresponding elemental temples across the realm. He then took the Palace of Nature as his own and when the Dragon Signs appeared, took the disembodied spirits down into New Hyrule to begin his invasion.

He had planned on using Zelda’s power in order to break the seal separating the two realms permanently so he may enter it physically and take it over completely.

In order to stop him three things needed to be done.

One: Free the trapped Spirits of the dragons that were currently terrorizing New Hyrule.

Two: Restore the Elemental Temples and free the sleeping bodies of the Guardians of the Lands entombed within.

Three: Cleanse the Shrines within the Palace of Nature so it’s power to repel evil could shine forth again.

Guardian of Light/Dragon Train muses how Link ending up outside the Palace and Zelda within it must not be coincidence and urges them both and Alfonzo to help him restore the balance between the realms.

We get a shot of each of them agreeing and then they each turn to watch the rising sun with the three of them superimposed next to each other before panning back to the sunrise which is where we get the title card for the game.

The game literally opens up from here. You can choose which character to play as and switch between them at save points. Dens for Link, Safe Rooms for Zelda, and any Station for Alfonzo.

Link’s section of the game plays like if you mashed the movesets of Wolf Link, Spyro, and Amaterasu from Okami, put it in one character, and dumped them into Breath of the Wild. The first thing Link learns is the ability to fly and he can literally go anywhere within the Dragon’s Sky. He can go to the Elemental Temples in any order and explore the large islands with the smallest ones being about half the size of the Great Plateau.

(Side note: Minus the being a dragon part, this is how I imagine BotW 2 is going to play, so if this turns out to be accurate just know I called it first. /J)

Zelda’s section plays like a stealth action game with elements of the Metroid Prime series. She can explore the entire Palace of Nature from the beginning, but some areas might be easier to traverse once she unlocks more abilities from cleansing the shrines scattered throughout the Palace.

Alfonzo’s section plays the most like Spirit Tracks, with the exception that GoL/DT can create new tracks at will in open spaces. All Alfonzo has to do is draw on the map a la Phantom Hourglass and the lines are converted into tracks for them to travel across. All five realms are open to explore. Each of the Guardians of the Lands has had their spirit’s placed into particularly large and dangerous dragon-themed items and must be defeated by Alfonzo.

Each character can affect/help things in the other’s areas. I’m not entirely sure yet on how exactly they do so, but it’s something I want to happen.

You play through the game by switching between the three characters, freeing up various parts of the world, and eventually working together to take down Dragon Armor Guy.

The only thing I have planned for that is to reveal that he was Guardian of Light’s chosen successor and that Alfonzo and Zelda willingly step into the Dragon’s Sky and temporarily become Dragons to assist Link in the final fight.

During the ending, GoL/DT pulls Link aside and lets him know that while he may have been restored to a human shape, being a Dragon for so long has affected his Spirit and he and his descendants will be forever changed.

And this is how the Zonai tribe that worships both Dragons and the Hero’s Spirit gets founded! Or at least that’s what I would want to be implied.

That’s all I have for now! This idea has been percolating for over a decade now and I’m excited to put it out into the world! Special thanks goes to The Book of Mudora podcast whose deep dives have helped me understand the story of Zelda a lot better and allowed me to flesh out this idea into something much deeper than “Link’s dragon train is like the King of Red Lions and then Link becomes a dragon too lol.”

I may or may not work more on this idea in the future but for now I’m happy with how it is.

Thanks for reading!

[chelsie-fan-55]



‘Oldies are doing well’ Phyllis Logan hails older generations as Downton helps BritsDOWNTON Abbey star Phyllis Logan says it was “fabulous” to be reunited with the cast and production crew to shoot a second film due out early next year. The sequel follows on from the events of the first film released two years ago, which was set in 1927 with Robert and Cora Crawley, the Earl and Countess of Grantham, receiving a visit from King George V and Queen Mary during a royal tour of Yorkshire. Filming of the second film, which sees Dominic West, Hugh Dancy and Laura Haddock join original stars including Dame Maggie Smith, Hugh Bonneville, Michelle Dockery and Elizabeth McGovern, started at Highclere Castle in Hampshire in April and finished in June. Phyllis, 65, who has portrayed Downton housekeeper Mrs Hughes in all six series of the original ITV drama and reprised the role for both films, said: “It was fabulous to be reunited with the cast again, we had such a lovely time, but it was over far too quickly. “During the six seasons that we did (for TV) we usually started filming in the February and finished in the autumn, so we had a good six months of each other, and now it is curtailed into a matter of weeks, so it was done a bit too quickly but we had a great time. “There is lots of nice, really fun stuff in it, I must say and some lovely star turns.” Phyllis, who is also the narrator of fly-on-the-wall TV show The Highland Vets, which starts its fourth series on Channel 5 tomorrow (MON) night, believes period dramas like Bridgerton and Downton have provided much-needed escapism during the past 18 months of the Covid-19 pandemic. She says: “With the likes of Downton Abbey it looks so magnificent, the costumes are magnificent and the mores of the time are different where you don’t air-kiss and have to be suited and booted, and straight-laced, well certainly outwardly.. who knows what they got up to behind closed doors. “But we try to show some of this too and the public just can’t get enough of this type of costume drama. “Everyone has been bingeing or re-bingeing on their favourite shows just to give them a sense of normality. “If you can watch Bridgerton, if you can watch Downton Abbey, or your favourite comedy show, you think the world is ok now, or get a sense that life is continuing in a fashion.” Downton has also led the way in using older actors in prominent roles at a time when TV and film has been criticised for being ageist. Phyllis says: “It’s been fabulous and long may this continue. With Dame Maggie (Smith), Dame Penelope (Wilton), myself and Jim Carter, the oldies are doing well.” Her husband Kevin McNally, who is also 65, is best known for portraying Joshamee Gibbs in all five Pirates of the Caribbean films but joined the cast of Downton for its second series on ITV as Horace Bryant. Phyllis says: “It was nice to have my husband in Downton as well but it was very peculiar the way it happened. “He was on set at one point and said I have just been offered this job and I said ‘oh, what is it?’ And he said Downton Abbey, and I said ‘very funny, what’s the job?’ And he said Downton Abbey and I said ‘oh come on, I haven’t got time, I’ve got to go back on set’. And he was being serious. “They did not even tell me they were going to offer it to him and I thought they should have run it past me first, surely.” She adds: “And it ended up with most of the scenes we were involved in being together, which was unusual. “In normal circumstances as he was playing a posh person and I was playing the housekeeper as usual, I thought our paths would never cross but the way the storyline worked we were always together. “So sometimes we got picked up in a car together to bring us to the castle and it felt like ‘bring your husband to work day’, so I thought ‘what is going on?’” Phyllis, who also starred as Lady Jane Felsham in Lovejoy with Ian McShane for eight years, met Kevin, who portrayed Bernard Ingham in The Crown last year, when they co-starred in mini-series Love and Reason in 1994. Since then they had only appeared together in short films and an episode of comedy show Rab C Nesbitt until their joint stint in Downton, but Phyllis says she would be happy to work together again in the future. And Kevin’s help was vital when it came to recording the narration for The Highland Vets, which follows the vets, nurses and receptionists at DS McGregor & Partners veterinary practice in Thurso, Caithness, as they treat animals in the remote northern tip of the UK mainland. After recording the first couple of episodes of series one in a studio in London’s Soho, Phyllis has been forced to do her narrations since the first lockdown in March last year from the study of her home in west London. She says: “Kevin was my sound engineer for the Highland Vets. They sent all this equipment and I was so useless at using it that Kevin was thankfully around and on hand to be my sound engineer.” The fourth series of the Highland Vets, which contains seven hour-long episodes, starts with the vets treating a young Common seal spotted struggling on a beach by a walker. She adds: “I haven’t done many narrations. I enjoy this one because it is such a lovely programme, there is always something different cropping up, so it is a pleasure to do it.” As a result of the repeated lockdowns for the pandemic she has yet to travel up to Caithness to meet the staff at the vets. But Prince Charles did pay them a visit during a two-day tour of Scotland, where he is known as the Duke of Rothesay, at the end of last month (JULY). Unfortunately the TV cameras were not there at the time but wearing a kilt, he was welcomed by senior vet and director Guy Gordon, who introduced him to his team, including Katie Reiss, 22, who had only started work a few days earlier. Ms Reiss said: “It’s an unorthodox start to work! We spoke about my training at Edinburgh University and chatted about how the vets have been really helpful integrating me into work. “He (Charles) said to stick at it and not lose hope because I have wanted to be a vet since I was a wee kid.” Guy says: “We felt honoured that Prince Charles was keen to visit our veterinary practice to meet the staff and learn about what we do. “He stayed with us for about 45 minutes chatting about aspects of our work with genuine interest and insight. “The light drizzle didn’t dampen this special occasion nor cause him to hurry, he took time to engage with everyone. “So they have the royal seal of approval.” She adds she loves getting to see The Highland Vets before anyone else to do its narration. “There are a few sad bits that do not go to plan but it is so heartfelt.. and the fact that they are in that location which is absolutely spectacular, that they all love it, they love their lives, their jobs, their workmates, their animals. “It’s just beautiful and lovely and life-affirming stuff, even when things go wrong.” Phyllis also stars in a film, The Last Bus, with Timothy Spall which they shot two years ago but has just been released. It tells the story of an old man whose wife has just died using his free bus pass to travel to the other end of the UK, where they originally lived, with her ashes in a small suitcase. She will also be seen in the second series of BBC drama Guilt, which is due to air later this year. *The new series of The Highland Vet starts tomorrow at 9pm on 5Select. Source: Sunday Express

[mmmonie]

I have obey me brain rot and I physically cannot take it anymore so here are some random HCS I fucking busted out about demons under the read more (and some angel stuff thrown in. For fun. Spice is the variety of life or whatever) I formatted this on mobile so forgive me for my crimes pls..... 😔

Also as an fyi I have never written anything in my life <3 (and also I’m dyslexic) so if something sounds stupid I’m sorry lol <3 also I’m sure u can tell but I never know where to put commas so if that bothers u........sorry again lol

*There are (at least) two demonic languages: one is a bit like Latin albeit way more fucked up. The second one is spoken only. A human can learn to understand both but the second one requires a lot of concentration to discern due to the subtlety in the growls, clicks and other noises demons are capable of making. It’s also very dependent on body language, especially in demonic form.

*It would be nearly impossible for a human to be fluent in the second one because of that. (unless you’re like. A really good mimic?)

* the second one is the oldest language. The new language and it’s written counterpart are derived from it with a little twist, so you’ll still hear some interesting noises thrown in there. It would take some dedication to learn, though the written part is fairly easy once you get the hang of it. It was made to be read quickly and efficiently. The speaking part however...................good luck.

* Demons and angels can instantly pick up human languages including reading and writing. Wouldn’t do you much good to be summoned in like. Germany and not know the language LOL

* Demons purr LOL you can’t click and growl and NOT purr. Like cats, it is both a happy thing and a self soothing thing.

* There is a slight difference between a happy purr and a self soothing purr, but the difference depends entirely on the demon.

* Demons (and angels) are nearly impossible to kill. It’s also very hard to damage them in any meaningful way. They also heal very quickly, so even if you did get a good hit on one, if they managed to get away chances are they’d heal in a matter of hours.

* Stronger demons like the brothers are even MORE impervious to damage. The amount of times Beel’s reached into the oven barehanded just to pop a piping hot cookie in his mouth is insane. He swears it’s the best way to eat them.

* Angels are very stiff but very physically powerful. They have a lot of control over their bodies and are trained from a young age to be able to wield that power responsibly.

* Demons on the other hand are incredibly flexible and bounce back easily. Though your average demon might not be the same physical strength as an angel, they have agility on their side. Angels are heavy hitters where demons rely on their ability to strike multiple times very quickly.

* This was a very weird transition for the brothers, though the amount of strength they had barely changed between realms. Fallen angels don’t change that much strength wise, but a little bit is burned up in the fall (to protect themselves.)

* Angels may be strong but demons also posses a massive amount of strength and have to learn to control it over time. This is known as a “juvenile phase” but it happens at different ages depending on how they were born. Fallen angels do not go through this as they have already learned to keep a grip on their power. Do I have an entire separate post ready about this bc I just couldn’t shut up? Maybe...

* There are four ways of being “born” a demon. Fallen angels, half demons, human borns and natural demons.

* Humans can choose to be turned into demons, but it is a very painful process and they won’t be able to gain any strength, what they get is what the get. They are referred to as “human born” and were considered the lowest of the humanoid demons until Diavolo came into power.

* Human born used to just be made whenever by whoever but that caused problems. Demons would make human borns and then just leave them to flounder about by themselves in an unknown territory. Diavolo’s father put an end to that during his reign, but “accidents” still happen. Now you have to do paperwork if you want to turn your human friend/lover into a demon lol.

* The ceremony for turning humans into demons is incredibly complex, which is why banning making human born unless given permission is less of a problem than you’d think.

* Half demons are just that, they’re only half demon. Most are half human but there are a few other kinds of magical creatures mixed in there. They aren’t as strong as a natural demon nor a fallen angel but they can gain power through their other ancestry. Many of them specialize in unique kinds of magic.

* Half human/demon children aren’t as rare as you’d think they are. This is due to the fact that demons have all sorts of ways to keep a demonic baby alive. Ranging from shapeshifting and (magically) taking the baby themselves once it’s grown enough to handle the transition to various forms of potions and spells to help a human along.

* Half demons and natural demons have the luxury of being born already (mostly) acclimated to the devildom, making some of the transitions that come with a demons lifespan easier on them than human born and fallen angels.

* Angels are taught to control/ignore their instincts where demons are taught to rely on/embrace theirs. Because demonic instincts often work against the things taught in the celestial realm fallen angels have a hard time adjusting to their new environment. Though, as their sins overtake them, their instincts become easier to fall back on.

* Demons have multiple forms, not just the two shown in game. All in all, the brothers have 5, each becoming less and less humanoid.

* Half/human born demons are more likely to have both a tail and wings in their first demonic form. Stronger demons like the brothers are merely showing off the strongest of the two, but everyone has both. (Bc I think they slap LOL *points* u get a tail and wings! *u get a tail and wings*)

* •a demons features can be influenced by what sin they are, but it’s not a hard or fast rule. Don’t be surprised if a demon who looks more akin to Mammon is actually a Sloth demon.***this does not apply to little Ds who’s look is entirely dependent on their sin. Little Ds are an entirely separate conversation 😈

* human borns/half demons can have two sins assigned to them, though this makes them less powerful in both. Usually there is a more prominent sin.

* Diavolo’s rule has helped quite a bit with bringing humans into a new better light, and many natural born demons who haven’t been able to interact with the human realm have become increasingly curious about humans and the way they work. Much of this is due to media that was brought from the human world to sedate Dia’s intense curiosity.

* In the eyes of many older demons, humans are merely playthings and it is expected that most demons will eventually mate with at least one other demon. A human and a demon dating is seen as just infatuation on the demons part, and it’s often thought that there are no real feelings behind a relationship like that. However there have been/are many successful and happy human/demon relationships.

* Demons don’t really have a concept of marriage. They live so long there really isn’t a point to tying yourself to one single person (or a few people) However, that’s not to say that there aren’t relationships like that. There are binding ceremonies for expressing love and devotion to other beings and it has its own unique culture.

* though the gates to the human realm are still technically closed and have been for a long time, demons can still be summoned by witches (sorcerers, wizards, warlocks, whatever you call yourself.) They can also be successfully summoned if you are not a magic user, however this is rare and often can go wrong, much like horror movies.

* Summoning very powerful demons like the brothers is incredibly hard even for an extremely experienced magic user, so often the demon you get claiming to be Satan really isn’t LOL. There are demons who are actually assigned to go to summonings in the place of the seven lords of hell, but many demons will just take on the role to fuck around with whomever summoned them. You think a prince of hell has time to just go possess some object or person for fun? (Ok...Mammon Satan and Belphie might.......if they’re bored enough LOL)

* Demons are actually relatively cuddly creatures. They might be a little rough with strangers but base instincts with family members will always be to coddle rather than fight. They’re more like humans in that right.

* Angels don’t do much casual touching, they’re very uptight. Beel and Belphie being as close as they are was a bit of an oddity in the celestial realm. That’s not to say angels don’t need causal touch lol just that they were trained to avoid that “temptation”.

* the brothers had a hard time starting out in the Devildom because of this. They still have a hard time with casual touches, which is why they seem so touched starved with the MC.

Things I might elaborate on later:

* There is a difference between demons, incubi and succubi but it’s not what you think it is.

* Demons, angels and humans all have very different takes on gender.

* The juvenile phase (DO not tempt me I wrote out like 1000 words about it bc I couldn’t shut the fuck up)

* Animals in the Devildom are fucked up. I WILL fucking talk about this bc it’s my passion.

* Pacts and how they work..........

* Maybe I’ll also elaborate on the hierarchy/power structure of demons sometimes 

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Jane Foster’s child

Jane Foster x child!reader

Thor Odinson x Foster!child!reader

warnings:

a/n: no not a foster child, jane foster’s child 😌 also im so super glad you liked those!!! hope these are just as good!!! and im genuinely so sorry these took so long

prompt: anonymous: “Hey! I just read the Tony Stark x Potts!child!reader HC and I loved it! Would you do the same but with Thor and Jane? ❤️”

no babysitter = go to work with mom

dr. selvig gave you a rubik’s cube to keep you entertained

“fuck that! here, y/n, you can play my DS” -darcy

“can you not swear in front of my child?” -jane

you thought tonight would be boring, but then your mom and darcy collectively hit a homeless guy with a car!

“holy crap, we’re all going to jail!” -you

“don’t say ‘crap,’ y/n! we need to get him to a hospital!” -jane

ngl this dude was kinda funky

darcy used her taser and your mom covered your eyes, but you still peaked ;)

ride to the hospital

“don’t touch him, y/n”

“sorry, doc”

and the very next day you guys stole him 💕

“mr. thor, where are you from?”

“i am from asgard! it is much different from this realm, but your’s is adequate, i suppose”

“thanks?”

you could see the way your mom looked at him, though

he ate all the pop tarts >:(

she gave thor her ex boyfriends clothes

“yeah, donald was a real ass—” -you

“don’t say ‘ass.’ darcy curses too much” -jane

“sorry, mom...anyways, donald forgot to pick me up from soccer practice like, a dozen times. he sucked” -you

“this ‘donald’ doesn’t seem like a very good man...also, what is ‘soccer?’” -thor

you grabbed a soccer ball and tried to show him how to play but there was some other stuff the *scientists* had to take care of

you were a regular at izzy’s diner (well, mom was) and they always made you cute pancakes in different shapes!!

“ah, it’s a smiley face! that’s adorable!” -thor

“yeah! they like to surprise me whenever i come in. they’re pretty awesome” -you

*your mom literally beaming at how good thor is with you already*

you and thor were drawing on paper placemats

and then he broke a glass and you started giggling hdhshshs

but he had to leave

“no, thor, please don’t go!”

“i hope to meet you again one day, little one. hopefully fate sees it through”

:((((

no time to be sad bc ur mom’s lab got hijacked by the government

“hey, no fair! that’s my diary!” -you

“sorry, kid. there are constellation drawings we have to observe” -coulson

“aw, you draw constellations? wait, not now. you can’t just take all our stuff. especially that! that belongs to a child!” -jane

“sic ‘em, y/n!” -darcy

“don’t listen to darcy, y/n” -selvig

chilling in the trailer and missing thor bc he was the most interesting thing to happen to you and your mom in a while

and you wanted her to be happy even tho he was kind of crazy

“hey, mom? do you want to watch the stars tonight like we used to do? we could make s’mores?”

“that sounds like a great idea, baby! i’ve gotta go take care of some science stuff, so i’ll pick up some s’mores stuff while i’m out. love you!”

yeah she went to go see thor and he kinda got arrested but your mom came back home so you could watch the stars!

“so, do you like thor?” -you

“what? what makes you say that?” -jane

“it’s cool if you do, i think he’s awesome. a little weird, but at least he’s nice”

then thor and selvig came home and selvig was drunk as a skunk

*poking him while he giggles and tells you about thor*

“i wish your grandfather could have met that guy! he would have loved him...i wish you met your grandfather, too” -selvig

thor inviting you back outside

“i’d like you to teach me more about this ‘soccer’”

by the time you guys were done, it was 3am and you were too pumped to go to sleep

so thor told you stories of his home and battle and family

you didn’t want him to stop, you were fascinated by it all

and uhhhh yeah then earth kinda had some vikings show up

they told you that you’d “make a fine warrior one day”

and then yall got attacked by a ????? a what??? a destroyer???????

“get y/n out of here now! they shouldn’t have to see this!” -thor

you were still nearby and saw thor become thor again

after he was done fighting the destroyer, you ran to give him a hug

“that was awesome! can i hold your hammer?”

“maybe someday, little one”

then you didn’t see him for 2 years

which upset your mom a good bit, you had to help her through that episode. lots of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream together talking about how he wasn’t worth her time even tho you missed him too

but he came back! and then your mom sent everything flying bc she had an “infinity stone” inside her and thor took you two to asgard

“y/n! you’ve grown so much, i almost didn’t recognize you!” -thor

tbh you really digged the outfit they gave you, but also you were on another planet? thor insisted on giving you a tour (by flying you around)

“i do hope you’re having fun, little one!”

worrying about your mom simultaneously bc you overheard she was sick

but asgard got attacked and you and jane were confined to a room in the palace, which sucked because you wanted to see it all

but thor sent guards to bring you anything to keep you entertained

“maybe we’ll skip the mace for now, thank you” -jane

after several events that count as child endangerment, this chapter came to an end and your mom and thor finally made it official

loki called you a rodent and then saved your life so you were kinda iffy about him

about a year or two later, your mom had to travel a great deal in order to get some work done, so you were left in the care of thor, who took you to avengers tower

“oh, my girlfriend’s child is an angel! and they’re so intelligent, just like their mother!” -thor gushing to other partygoers

“yeah, thor, your ‘angel’ is sneaking drinks from the elderly” -tony

*sipping his beer* “they’re a growing teenager”

you did have an amazing time interacting with the avengers

and once they tried grabbing the hammer, you knew you had to get in on it (but you failed like the rest)

“don’t worry, my y/n, you have to be eighteen years of age to be able to lift mjölnir!” -thor

“oh, that makes sense!” -you, while thor aggressively shakes his head at the other avengers. he just wanted to make sure you didn’t feel bad you weren’t worthy yet :(

more child endangerment but really what did you expect?

thor went off world and your mom split it off w him but you did have his email so you were still in contact with him

swearing you saw odin on the street once or twice (fast forward)

and then your mom dusted and thor found you as soon as he possibly could, it was so good to see him

he took you in since you were alone now, you moved to new asgard and became prince(ss) of the new land by relation?? makes sense right

basically you and valkyrie made all the calls while thor grieved for years

but he still took care of you

“y/n, would you like to play video games with me? i think it may be a good bonding experience, what do you say?” -thor

“duh!”

uncle korg made you help him with fortnite while thor was asleep

you wished to wield stormbreaker one day

showing thor earth media! his favorite star wars character is r2-d2 dont ask why

he taught you asgardian recipes and you taught him...earth recipes?

when he was drunk he’d ramble on about his childhood and battle and enemies and jane and loki and hela and frigga and literally anything that came to mind

“y/n, could you please get me a beer? and get one for yourself, too” -thor

valkyrie most definitely gave you some battle training so you you blow off some steam, you were glad she taught you how to fight like a true warrior

thor wanted to teach you battle tactics so you could fight alongside him, but he never got around to it

a raccoon and bruce banner visited later on, proposing a way to get your family back, thor was an emotional wreck

his debriefing on the reality stone was tense when he started crying about your mom and everyone stared at you

“hey, don’t look at me. i don’t control the god, i just keep him company”

ending up waiting 1 second for the avengers to come back from their mission, resulting in you being stuck in the middle of a very heavy battle

“y/n, get out of here!” -thor

“don’t worry, thor! valkyrie taught me a few moves!”

“you make me incredibly proud, little one!”

“i’m not so little anymore, am i?”

“you will always be my little one, y/n. blood or not, that will not change!”

victory, but at what cost? it was a rough ride, you needed to get patched up, but your mom was finally home and thor...he decided it was time to leave earth again

“don’t worry, my y/n. i will see you again.” *tearing up* “i’m so glad i got the pleasure of raising you these past few years. i love you dearly, now go be with your mother”

you straight up wanted to bawl your eyes out right there

“well, y/n, you’re next in line for the throne of new asgard. what is your first command?” -valkyrie

“actually, i think you’d make a much better ruler than me. i’ve got to spend some time with my mother now that she’s home”

“you’re so much like him, you know that?”

staying with your mother, who was diagnosed with cancer not long after returning from the soul stone (a/n: jane getting cancer is canon in the comics and confirmed for thor 4)

“i missed five years of your life and now i’m sick, that’s just our luck, isn’t it?” -jane

she was understandably upset, but she also felt guilty

“mom, don’t beat yourself up. everything is okay, we’re still together right now. i won’t be going anywhere, i promise”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedgiantfavs // @emygirl // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisbisexual // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck //

[moonfurthetemmie]

I think showing blarvin would be necessary for the economy

JEJSUDDU okay I’ll put that up while I look for some angst

Please note that this is old as frick and very OOC as this was when I still thought DS Blue was actually a Bastard

- JR has a super high tech microwave in the main lounge room (or the one the Dream usually uses).

- One day Blue comes across it during one of his break ins and goes “Hmm. I should try it out.” Because boredom and plot

- Thirty minutes later Dream comes in and “Wha-who-why-what the hell?”

- On the table there’s a bunch of microwavable meals (easy mac, cup noodles, kid cuisine, instant potatoes, etc) all heated up, but the microwave is gOnE. The food is the only sign Blue was there but whY wOuLd He StEaL a MiCrOwAvE tHaTs RiDiCuLoUs

- Blue would find a way to inconspicuously take that microwave everywhere. Because he’s decided that it’s the best thing since cup noodles and microwave s’mores.

- And if anybody says anything condescending about his microwave-well he’ll probably send them little microwaved monsters and Barbie dolls. Because his microwave is beautiful and must be loved by all.

- By ‘microwave monsters’ I mean terrifying amalgamations of plastic items that once had their own shapes and pleasing colors, now melted and mangled into whatever Blue’s messed-up mind could conjure. And he’s REALLY messed up, so. You’ve been warned.

- Somehow it never occurs to Dream that Blue stole the microwave. Maybe because Blue used to talk down about them, saying that it’s much healthier and more fun to cook stuff with your own skills yada yada yada. Now tho Blue just talks shit about the cheap microwaves.

- He’d probably name the microwave Marvin or Mavis or something like that.

- Blue religiously cleans Marvin every week. He refuses to let it get covered in dust and blood-I mEaN food. And normal, non-monster dust. YeAh.

- Ok, fine. If the melted Barbie dolls don’t convince you to respect the Microwave of Destiny, then your obviously a lost cause. Blue WILL frame you for murder, cuz he knows he’ll never get caught. But you will ;)

- Or he’ll make you do him “a favor” that ends in you getting run over by a train or something. Whatever’s easiest or more entertaining.

- Speaking of entertainment, you know how certain soap bars do weird shit in the microwave? He likes to do that. It’s just so weird HOW DOES IT DO THAT that’s so cool—Also popcorn

- Blue would totally play with the clock settings on Marvin just to hear the beeping sounds it makes.

- Blue is ADHD confirmed-

- Oh and. Just to be sure he doesn’t accidentally do something stupid, Blue got rid of any and all metal silverware he owned. Now he uses plastic cutlery.

- The Meme Squad would eventually find out about Marvin, and Cross and Nightmare would make it a habit to send Blue metal things with notes like “For Marvin, with love <3” while Error’s like “9uy5 570p h3’5 901n9 70 k1ll u5”

- But as long as they don’t actually mess with Marvin it’s fi-WHO THE FRESH HECK TOUCHED MY MICROWAVE YOU HAVE TEN SECONDS TO HIDE

- Seriously though, he K N O W S when people touch his microwave. It doesn’t matter if he sees you committing the crime, he just. Knows. And he keeps track of everyone who’s seen Marvin in the past 48+ hours so he knows e x a c t l y who touched his baby.

- All he has to do is find you. Then? Screw manipulation and framing, he’ll kill you himself. With extreme prejudice. You do N O T touch Marvin unless you want to die.

- One day Ink decides to sneak into Blue’s house and test that theory, but Blue walks into the kitchen where Marvin’s little throne-alter is with Ink’s finger just millimeters away from the microwave and Blue’s like “Uh. Excuse me sir. That’s my microwave. Do you wish upon yourself to come into physical experience with a crummy juncture? Because if you move any closer to Mar-my microwave ima hafta diddly darn snap your neck.”

- Ink moves a bit closer, still not touching it and Blue just about loses his shit. “DiD yOu HaS a DuMb I sAiD nO tOuCh-”

- * t o u c h *

- *Loud angry noises and blood-curdling screams.*

- Ink was never the same again. He developed an irrational fear of fancy expensive microwaves.

- Dream is still clueless because he has more important things to do than look for a darn microwave.

- Blue busts in like “DREAM I HEAR U BE TALKIN CRAP ABOUT MY MICROWAVE?!?”

- At some point Cross gets the bright idea of putting aluminum foil in Blue’s microwave, but first he shapes it into something. I’ll leave that part up to you guys, but he opens the microwave with gloves on because he thinks that maybe Blue has a problem with finger prints-

- This is like the one time Blue leaves Marvin home and he gets back and screams in horror when he sees the dry-erase marker graffiti and the metallic atrocity sitting inside Marvin- “Marvin who did this to you I’lL mAkE tHeM pAy I’m so sorry I left you home I’ll never do it again TwT” he says as he cuddles the appliance.

- Cross totally left a camera hidden in Blue’s kitchen, by the way. So the Meme Squad now has rare and valuable footage of Blue freaking out over a microwave. And hugging it. Wtf.

- Ink finds the video and has a PTSD attack (because Blue f🤬ed him up for touching Marvin). He casually hands the USB to Dream before noping the heck outta there so he doesn’t have to see it again

- But, thanks to Error and his madjik hacking (he hacks right?), the USB has a virus in it that allows the Meme Squad to watch people through the cameras on their computers. So now they know Ink has a microwave phobia. And they get to watch Dream realize so many things.

- When Blue finds out who messed with his precious microwave he’s gonna start the M-Event—the X-Event except powered by his weird obsession with a fricken microwave

- Remind me who’s idea this was—at this point I’m just writing down whatever weird shit I can think of. Your welcome Silver

- Blue gets a shirt that says “I ❤️ my microwave” with a picture of one of Marvin’s brothers or sisters on it because goddamn it he loves Marvin. It was probably sent by Marvin’s creator (the microwave company that made Marvin) for advertising purposes. Even if Blue’s ‘love’ isn’t quite what they were going for.

“Marvin-Senpai~”

- Blue will proudly show you Marvin if you ask but don’t try to test it. Just... compliment the object. He will be very pleased with you and he won’t send you melted Barbie dolls. Unless you want him to, but he doesn’t do favors so don’t bother asking.

- There’s a 50% chance that Blue would rig Marvin to be able to call 911. Just for the fun of it. But that might ruined it so there’s a 50% chance he’d buy a cheap microwave for that and name it Mavis. Afterwards though he’d sell it to some weirdo on the streets, or drop it off at the Meme House because he has developed an odd respect for all microwaves, even if he has eye sockets for Marvin only. Even if Mavis was a decent kitchen appliance/source of radiation.

- Blue would probably write oddly heartfelt love poems about Marvin? Just when he had literally nothing else to do? And he keeps them v e r y well hidden because he knows they’d be really weird to someone else but he just-he wanted to see just how cheesy he could be. Turns out, cheesier than than a bad joke about cheese.

[metalbvcky]

*Shows up late to the Stucky/Marvel fandom Post-EG with Starbucks and dozens of fics that I’ve read in hand* So you guys like fanfiction?

Yeah so, because of quarantine I’ve been consuming a ton of fic. I’ve probably read over 1.5 million words in just a couple months. So why not share what I’ve been reading! Note that some of these are older (popular) fics so veteran Stucky peeps will probably know of them since I not too recently delved into the realm that is Stucky fanfic. :)  

Down below are over a dozen fics with different tropes, Canon/AU’s, and what not. Please do heed the tags on some of these. For the curious: My AO3 bookmarks. 

Also shoutout to @stuckylibrary, the mods over there are doing the lords work. 

Key:  ♥ = My fave, S = Smut, DS = Dom/Sub 

Heroes are Easy, People are Hard ♥ by Halbereth, Lorien - Words: 152,284 | CW Fix It, Slight Canon Divergence, Recovery, Slow Burn

Shuri and Wanda cleared Bucky's triggers shortly after Killmonger's attempted coup, and he and Steve went on the run. But it turns out there's more to "fixing Bucky's head" than "getting Hydra out of it." When a group of rogue scientists manage to neutralize the serum and make Steve very sick--pre-serum "this is bad" kind of sick--and they're cut off from contact with Wakanda, Bucky knows only one person with resources to help. He calls Tony and surrenders on the condition that Tony tries to help Steve.

From there, it's basically three variously messed-up guys’ trajectories from "This Is Fine", "Reasonably Speaking I Know It’s Fine", "I Will Be Fine With It" to actually being fine, guest-starring a far-better-adjusted teenage boy who climbs walls, a 1957 Ford Thunderbird, two women with a keen sense of the absurd, and Bruce, the Zen master of “it’s fine that it’s not fine.” Add in the fact that Bucky's been secretly in love with Steve since the thirties and things only get harder. Learning to be a person is the hardest thing Bucky Barnes will ever have to do--but he's got company along the way.

Reap The Whirlwind by Cristinuke - Words: 18,221 | Canon Universe, Post CW, Domestic 

Bucky finds a cat. Or rather, a cat finds him.

Your Favorite Ghost by augustbird - Words: 21,013 |  Canon Divergence, Post TWS

It's harder than Steve ever expected to bring Bucky home.

Despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) ♥ by praximeter (Zimario) - Words: 71,532 | Canon Divergence TWS, Body Modifications 

“They really didn’t want the mask to come off.” Hill thumbed through the scans, and pulled out a film that she then handed over to Sam, face mostly expressionless but for the flat line of her pursed lips.

Sam accepted the film and held it up to the light, angling so both he and Steve could see it, squinting at the outline of the Winter Soldier’s skull, and the blips of unnatural white that showed up, God, in his brain, not to mention about half his teeth, plus the mask, with its thin protrusions—

“Those are pins,” Steve realized. He looked over at Hill. “The mask—it’s nailed to his face.”

Hill’s face was as unmoved as ever. “Like I said. They really didn’t want it coming off.”

This city bleeds its aching heart ♥ by Renne - Words: 34,537 | Canon Universe, Fake/Pretend Relationship 

The one where Steve and Bucky pose as a happily married couple while on a mission for SHIELD, to catch an international arms dealer hiding in a suburban neighbourhood.

The Best Way to Wake ♥ by LeeHan - Words: 42,293 | Post TFA, Canon Divergence TWS, Recovery 

James Buchanan Barnes lay in a glass pod in the middle of the table, frozen since he fell. Steve’s hands were on the glass before he realized he’d moved. “Wait, Captain!” “Get him out,” Steve whispered, his hands searching for a clasp, a keypad, something. “Captain, we need to keep him in stasis—“ “I said get him out!”

Infinite Coffee and Protection Detail ♥ series by owlet - Words: 264,438 | Canon Divergence (sort of) 

The mission resets abruptly, from objective: kill to objective: protect

Undersell, overcommit by silentwalrus - Words: 10,222 | Canon Universe 

Steve goes so hard for Bucky that he becomes a licensed, practicing massage therapist.

Sparked Up Like a Book of Matches by Sena - Words: 26,734 | Post-TWS, Canon Universe 

Steve lives in Stark Tower and doesn't have much to do when he's not going after Hydra strongholds. He attends charity events to make Pepper happy. He goes hiking with Sam. He hangs out with Clint in Bed-Stuy and watches Dog Cops. Sometimes Tony gives him super alcohol in a sippy cup. Sometimes he sees Bucky out of the corner of his eye and wonders if it's real or if he's starting to lose his mind.

Alternately, the one with terrible jokes, a foot chase through the Lower East Side, and a tiny little robot named Shitcan.

Sugar Sweet ♥ from the Red Velvet series by ColorCoated - Words: 173,400 | Modern/Sugar Daddy AU, Age Difference, Slow Burn

"What's your name?" It wasn't even a line. He was just pretty and Bucky wanted a name to go with that face. With that strong jawline. With those deep blue eyes. A little smirk, "Steve."

Awww, Steve. He looked like a Steve. Bucky pursed his lips in a way he hoped was attractive, "You should buy me a drink."

College Student Bucky finds himself immediately attracted to Steve. He knows that Steve's a bit older than him, and that Steve himself is put off by the age difference. . . But that doesn't stop Bucky from wanting to climb him like a tree.

Steve and Bucky Go Away for the Weekend (and cook a lot) ♥ by E_Greer -  Words: 30,126 | Canon Universe, Domestic 

In which Steve coaxes Bucky out of the Tower for a birthday weekend away and sweet, fluffy domesticity ensues. Phlintasha helps keep Bucky calm, Steve has Opinions about how you set the table, stories are told, greenhouses are toured, baths are had, books are read, tears are shed, stars are gazed upon, and everyone makes Bucky feel loved. Includes Friday night dinner, Saturday morning breakfast, Saturday lunch, Saturday dinner, and Sunday brunch.

Dona Nobis Pacem by thegraytigress - Words: 65,214 | Canon Universe, Recovery 

"This job... We try to save as many people as we can. Sometimes it doesn't mean everybody, but if we can't find a way to live with that... Next time maybe nobody gets saved."

An incident on the battlefield exposes how much Steve's falling apart under the crushing weight of leading the Avengers after Sokovia. Now Bucky's adopting a new mission: save Steve before he destroys himself completely, even if it means the end of Captain America.

Give 'Em Hope ♥ by L1av - Words: 130,022 | Modern/Hospital AU, UA/Age Difference 

Dr. Steve Rogers likes to think that if his patients have hope- their chances of survival will increase. Bucky Barnes has a 20% chance of survival and a desperate yearning to experience life. Against Steve's better judgment, he develops a relationship with his patient. It's illegal. It's wrong. But it's giving Bucky the hope to keep going, so Steve's going to keep giving it, because he wants Bucky to survive. He needs him to.

You belong (to me) by hermionesmydawg - Words: 29,759 | S, DS, Canon Compliant, Post CW

"Hold on." Bucky lifted a finger and backed out of the doorway, returning a moment later with his cell phone. He snapped a photo of Steve, typed a few words, and then returned to his apple. "What the hell were you doing at a sex club last night?"

"Not having sex, if that's what you're wondering." An alert sounded from Steve's nightstand - a new Snapchat message. He rolled his eyes and unlocked his phone. Sam was always sending stupid Snapchats and frankly, Steve couldn't figure that goddamn app out and cursed whoever created that piece of shit.

The chat wasn't from Sam this time, however. It was a picture of himself, not looking guilty at all, with the caption "when your buddy catches you looking at p*rn."

Circling Back from the It’s Not Linear series by chaya - Words: 59,642 (Series Total: 136,782) | Canon Divergence

Steve looks for Bucky, Bucky finds Steve, Steve tries desperately to put Bucky back together. Bucky tries desperately to let him.

Continuing Education by 743ish, romanticalgirl - Words: 14,443 | S, Canon Universe/College, Shrunkyclunks 

Steve is invited to be a guest lecturer on the WWII unit for Bucky's college course. Bucky's more than happy to glean any extra knowledge (in more than just history) from Steve, and Steve's happy to eductate him. But then Bucky has to decide if he can handle the fact that Steve throws himself into danger, and if the sex is worth it. Or if it's not just sex anymore.

Salt & Sugar by GoldBlooded, stfustucky - Words: 19,598 | Modern/Restaurant AU

Steve Rogers is a bigshot celebrity chef in New York City, and Bucky Barnes is a classically trained pastry chef in Moscow.

When billionaire and mutual friend Natasha Romanoff calls on them to collaborate for her Memorial Day Benefit Gala, they both brace themselves to spend the week working with some jerk they're bound to hate. Except... Steve makes a burger that could bring Bucky to tears, and Bucky makes tartlets so beautiful Steve's sure they qualify as art. Maybe, just maybe, together they could make this a night to remember.

@/sgtbarnes1917 and @/cptrogers1918 by BayleyWinchester - Words: 114,203 | Canon Universe, Social Media Fic 

Bucky Barnes broke Twitter with one photo

Proprietary Information ♥ from the Additional Information series by notlucy - Words: 85,141 (Series Total: 165,871) | Modern AU, Age difference, Slow Burn

Okay, so Bucky Barnes has a crush on Steve Rogers. The guy's gorgeous, talented and, oh yeah, the Chief Design Officer of the biggest tech company in the world. In other words: he's so far out of Bucky's league that he might as well be in a different stratosphere.

Deep in the Woods (Where My Heart Has Been Waiting) by SilverMyfanwy - Words: 15,353 | Pioneer-AU, Shrinkyclinks 

Steve Rogers gets lost in the woods in a snowstorm. Bucky Barnes takes him in. Pioneer-era AU ish with Shrinkyclinks, evil chickens and a cabin in the woods.

A Bucky Odyssey by inediblesushi, thorstbench - Words: 9,952 | Shrinkyclinks,  Cap!Bucky, Nurse!Steve  

Bucky Barnes, Captain America, has a plan to make Steve Rogers, SHIELD nurse, fall in love with him. Confiding in the Internet might not be the best idea, though. So when the bad pick up lines do not work and Steve looks determined to staying single, he decides to be more himself and less what he thinks he should be.

At first I wanted to wait to post this until I finished a few more fics from my ever growing read-later list but what the heck, now or never! I’ll probably end up making a part 2 reclist by the amount of fic I’m reading these days. 

Happy reading and stay safe out there fellow Stucky trash members!!

[scotianostra]

 Johnny Ramensky, the Scottish safe cracker was born on April 6th 1905 in Glenboig, Lanarkshire.

This is the type of story that would make a great film, so settle down to enjoy the life of the man born Jonas Ramanauckas, who became known as  John Ramsay, Gentleman Johnny, and Gentle Johnny

His father was a miner who died when Johnny was young and the young Ramensky also became a miner. It was while he was down the pit that he learned his skills with dynamite which were to prove so useful to him in later years.

Johnny drifted in and out of trouble from the age of eleven and moved to the Gorbals area of Glasgow during the Depression with his mother and two sisters. He developed an amazing physical strength and acrobatic ability but in order to obtain some money, he became a burglar, specializing in robberies involving climbing up external rone-pipes to gain entry to premises. He also developed skills in picking locks and safe-cracking with explosives.

While his activities were criminal, he had his own code of conduct and raided business premises rather than people's homes. And when he was caught, he never resisted arrest. His philosophy seemed to be "if you are caught, you are caught - it's all part of the job".

His life of detention began at age 18 when he was given a term in Borstal but later he served various terms in both Barlinnie and Peterhead Prisons. He eventually spent more time behind bars than outside. It's often easy to sentimentalise and sugar-coat the past, there was something about him which meant that even the police who snared him and the courts which he frequented as regularly as others visit their local supermarket, regarded him as somebody who was more interested in eluding an alarm and breaking a code than becoming rich from his forays.

Johnny was married during one of his spells out of prison and the couple had a baby daughter. But in 1934, while he was serving a sentence in Peterhead, he was told that his young wife was dead. He was refused permission to attend the funeral and Johnny's sense of justice was outraged. So he made the first of many escapes from the prison.

  In 1942, he was serving yet another jail sentence in Peterhead Prison. The army offered to give him special commando training and Johnny accepted. After all, it meant he was out of prison, earning a wage - and fighting for his country. Part of a crack commando unit, he was dropped behind enemy lines and used his skills with both explosives and burglary to good effect, stealing important German documents.

During the war in Italy, he entered Rome with the first troops to reach the city and blew open the safes in 14 foreign embassies - all in one day!

For his commando service and dangerous exploits, he was awarded the Military Medal and given a free pardon at the end of the war. But not longer after his return to Glasgow he was back to his life of burglary and was caught and jailed again.

In November 1955 he was sentenced to 10 years’ "preventive detention" at Peterhead Prison, which should have given him a few privileges. But he found there were none. He served over two years with exemplary conduct and still there was no move to the better conditions of "preventive detention". So Johnny responded in the only way he knew how - he escaped. Of course, he was later recaptured but he was at least given an opportunity to put his case to the prison authorities - which achieved nothing. Johnny escaped (and was recaptured) from Peterhead (Scotland's strongest jail) no less than five times including three times in 1958. Sometimes the prison warders didn't know whether he was inside or outside the prison. His fifth escape evoked wide-spread sympathy amongst the public which was illustrated by a song "The Ballad of Johnny Ramensky" by Norman Buchan (a Member of Parliament), which was printed in the Scotsman newspaper, and another musical tribute, Let Ramensky Go, was penned by none other than Roddy McMillan, the star of Para Handy.

Not long after starting a prison sentence in Barlinnie in Glasgow, Johnny was in the exercise yard and suddenly threw off his boots and shot up the wall, using cracks in the mortar as toe-holds. He reached a roof - but could get no further. Equally, the warders couldn't get him down - and Johnny was demanding to see the Chief of the Prisons Department! Attempts to reach the roof were met by a barrage of roof slates - watched by a growing audience outside the prison walls. He stayed out on the roof for five hours, eventually coming down when it started to get cold.

In 1962 Detective Superintendent Robert Colquhoun (retired), said "Like most policemen who have come in contact with Ramensky, I find him an engaging character, the kind of man who, applying his brain to another, more acceptable, type of occupation, could probably have made good." Before he had retired, DS Colquhoun received a message from Johnny (who was once more in prison). He had heard that the policeman was seriously ill. The message contained his good wishes for his speedy recovery, plus the advice that he’d been taking too much out of himself chasing Johnny around! As he grew older and the escapes continued one question was being asked: Why does he keep on doing it, at his age and in his state of health? A police officer who knew him well said "Johnny never expects to get far when he breaks out now ... he's just got to do it to prove that he still can."

Johnny remarried and started a second family during his all too short periods out of prison but persisted in his life of crime into his old age - by which time his abilities as a cat burglar were beginning to fail him. In 1972 he collapsed in Perth Prison and died shortly after in hospital. In addition to his family, the many people who attended his funeral came from both the law enforcement and the law breaking sides of society. Whatever his faults, Johnny Ramensky was respected by them all. His obituary appeared in every Scottish national newspaper.

That's not the end of Johnny Gently though, he lives on at Peterhead Prison, now a museum where Ramensky served so many years behind bars, has created a exhibition space which highlights different aspects of his career.

I couldnae find the Roddy McMillan  version of Lat Ramensky Go, but former BBC Young Traditional Musician of the Year, Claire Harings makes a great job of singing it, the lyrics below are the original version, Claire sings a slightly different version. 

Let Ramensky Go

There was a lad in Glesga town, Ramensky was his name Johnny didnae know it then but he was set for fame

Now Johnny was a gentle lad, there was only one thing wrong He had an itch to strike it rich and trouble came along He did a wee bit job or two, he blew them open wide But they caught him and they tried him and they bunged him right inside

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

And when they let him out he said he'd do his best but then He yielded tae temptation and they bunged him in again Now Johnny made the headlines, entertained the boys below When he climbed up tae the prison roof and gave a one-man show

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

But when the war was raging the brass-hats had a plan Tae purloin some information, but they couldnae find a man So they nobbled John in prison, asked if he would take a chance Then they dropped him in a parachute beyond the coast of France

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

Then Johnny was a hero, they shook him by the hand For stealing secret documents frae the German High Command So Johnny was rewarded for the job he did sae well They granted him a pardon frae the prison and the cell

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

But Johnny was in error when he tried his hand once more For they caught him at a blastin', and it wasnae worth the score

The jury pled for mercy, but the judge's voice was heard Ten years without remission, and that's my final word Ten years, my lord, that's far too long, wee Johnny cried in vain For if you send me up for ten I'll never come out again

Oh give me another chance, my lord, I'm tellin' you no lie But if you send me up for ten I'll sicken and I'll die

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

Now Peterhead's a fortress, its walls are thick and stout But it couldnae hold wee Johnny when he felt like walking out Five times he took a powder, he left them in a fix And every day they sweat and pray in case he makes it six

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go

Alley-ee alley-ay alley-oo alley-oh       Open up your prison gates       And let Ramensky go..........

Here are some reports on him.......[1958:] Twelve hours after Johnny Ramensky had done his fifth and most baffling "vanishing act" in Peterhead jail yesterday it was not known whether he was INSIDE or OUTSIDE the prison. This was admitted late last night by a Scottish Home Department spokesman. Here is the sequence of events leading up to the cracksman's third escape in ten months.

Because of rain, 45 prisoners, including Ramensky, were being exercised in one of Peterhead's large prison halls. At 1.40, the exercise ended and the squad began a 50 to 70-yard march, in organised lines to the tailor's shop. At 1.43, they arrived at the shop WITHOUT RAMENSKY.

The alarm was raised. Every corner of the prison was searched. But there was no trace of the "King of Peterhead". No rope or ladder with which he could have scaled the jail's 18-foot wall was found. One theory was that Ramensky had a key to the back door of the tailor's shop, which is only ten feet from the wall. For it is believed that he had a key for the tailor's shop door on his October break-out. Out went the word to police all over the country:

 "Ramensky's free again."

Two hunts went on - in swirling snow and at temperatures below freezing point - for the 53-year-old convict who, despite ill-health, had made another freedom bid. Throughout the whole of the North of Scotland road blocks and police checks sprang up. Tracker dogs went out. A strong cordon was thrown round the immediate prison area. For on his last bid in October, Ramensky was found, after 40 hours of freedom only 200 yards from the prison. It was ill-health that beat him then. He collapsed after a child spotted him in a barn.[...]. 

Last night people living in the Peterhead area spoke of him without fear. For he is known as "Gentle John" and those beside the prison take bets on how long he will stay free. His escape in February this year lasted 24 hours, before he was caught in Peterhead's main street wearing a warder's cap and a long black coat.

One question was being asked: Why does he keep on doing it, at his age and in his state of health? A police officer who knows him well said last night: "Johnny never expects to get far when he breaks out now ... he's just got to do it to prove that he still can.

"Here is a description of the clothes worn by the wartime Commando who cracked safes behind enemy lines: Brown moleskin trousers, brown battledress tunic, brown jersey, blue and white striped shirt, black leather shoes ... and possibly wearing a cap. (Daily Record, Dec 18)

The six-day hunt for gentle Johnny Ramensky was called-off last night. And baffled police admitted: "There are still no clues." [...] The authorities believe that 53-year-old Ramensky, if still alive, is bound to make a mistake sometime, or to leave a clue somewhere. It is understood that police opinion is split over the reason for the absence of a "trail." Some feel he is dead in the sea, but others are convinced he is in the Peterhead area, possibly quite near the prison, and is being fed and sheltered. (Daily Record, Dec 23)

[1959:] Johnny Ramensky (53), the safe-breaker who made a sensational jail-break from Peterhead prison, remaining at liberty for nine days, is back in prison. He was caught at Persley, on the north bank of the River Don about three miles from Aberdeen. A police spokesman said after the capture that Ramensky was looking wonderfully well, apart from being footsore, and considering the long period he had been on the run. He was dressed in blue dungarees and a green jersey and his shoes were cracked and torn. It is understood that no police charges are impending against Ramensky on account of his escape. There have been no reports of break-ins or thefts. His fifth escape has evoked wide-spread sympathy amongst the public. During the war Ramensky was an instructor to Allied agents in blowing safes. (Weekly Scotsman, Jan 2)

[texanredrose]

One More Story

Because this is still arguably the funniest thing I’ve done in my military career that didn’t involve a risk to any lives or equipment and I will never be able to publish this anywhere officially without Uncle Sam getting all snooty about it.

So... somewhere in the later part of 2013, my brigade pushed down a new order that said, basically, “no hanging out in barracks rooms of the opposite sex”. Now, I thought this was stupid but me and my buddies recognized a loophole; our barracks building housed our company area as well. The offices were in the basement of the building HOWEVER they didn’t constitute “barracks rooms” because they were part of the company area, not the actual barracks area.

So one night, my buddies and I decide to drink in my office. There were four of us- me, sitting at my desk, my drinking buddy/superior/subordinate (it’s... a whole other story to explain that, so just roll with it) sitting at his desk, the Desk Sergeant from the previous story in the chair in front of my desk, and the supply chick at the boss’ chair (the E-6). We’d been out drinking earlier and decided it would be cheaper to kill a few bottles in the office than staying out on the town drinking. Not only are we abiding by the new orders, we’re not anywhere we shouldn’t be; technically, it was my office, but it was the training office and I was the Training NCOIC, so I had every right to be there, along with my drinking buddy. The other two? Eh, we were with them, so it was fine. I mean, the doors had key card locks, and only 3 people had the card to unlock the door to my office: me, my buddy, and the E-6, who didn’t live in the barracks. As long as nothing serious happened that forced the E-6 to come to the office, no one would know!

20 minutes later, no shit, the E-6 walks in because there was a serious incident at our remote location. We all have red solo cups. I have one unopened 12 pk of coke by my desk, and a few half full bottles on it. Wild Turkey, Jim Bean, Jack Daniels; we were working our way through ‘em, as they were full when we started. The E-6 looks at the supply chick.

“Get out of my seat.” She fucking gets up and dips, DS follows her out. The E-6 looks at me and my buddy. “Look, I don’t care, but if [the E-7, the big boss, the ‘I will break you if you think about stepping one toe out of line’ E-7] catches you, I ain’t covering.”

I was halfway out of my chair when the other door to the office opens, the one leading into the E-7′s office. 

Guess who.

The E-7 looks at me and my buddy. “What are you two doing here? Did you hear about the incident?”

I got all the way up, walked in front of the three bottles of alcohol on my desk, and went to parade rest. “Uh, no, Sergeant, we were just-”

“Doesn’t matter; leave, we’ve got work to do.”

“Roger, Sergeant.” Behind my back, I felt for the necks of the bottles, grabbed them between my fingers, and went from parade rest to fast walking out of the office in the blink of an eye. My buddy got the door for me. We left our solo cups where they were.

I come up the stairs and CQ- who knew damn well we were down there- just stood with wide eyes as my buddy went out the door and I went to my room to hide the bottles.

Went outside to find the other three sitting in the smoker’s pit with 1000 yard stares. They’re talking about the impending Art 15s. Their careers. The Commander and BC.

I light up. “We’ll be fine. The [E-7] didn’t see.”

“How could he NOT see!? He was right fucking there!?”

“Plus, [E-6] saw! We’re screwed.”

I continued to insist. “Nah, nah, we’re fine. [E-7] was my platoon sergeant. If he didn’t say anything then, he didn’t see, and [E-6] won’t rat us out.” I left out the part where I’d covered for his ass enough times, he owed me, hence my confidence.

The next morning, I sat at my desk and finished my solo cup. My buddy shook his head but did the same. Waste not, after all.

A week passes. The E-6 mentions it once. Warns us to not do it again but he’s pretty sure the E-7 didn’t see. Easy enough. Everyone starts to think if we just never mention it again, it’ll be fine. We all pretend like it didn’t happen.

Around six months later, we’re all getting ready to leave. Summer is called ‘PCS season’ and it’s true. It’s time for us to rotate back to new units stateside. DS has already left, Supply chick leaves in a few days, I’m leaving the next week, and almost everyone else leaves over the course of the following month. 

My buddy goes out to smoke one day and the E-7 joins him. They joke around a bit. The guilt’s been weighing on him, so he brings up that night and comes clean to the E-7.

The E-7 gets pissed.

“YOU HAD WILD TURKEY IN THE OFFICE AND DIDN’T TELL ME!?”

When he told me he told the E-7, I got annoyed, but then he told me the E-7′s reaction and I just laughed. Yeah. That sounded like him, alright. I’d forgotten he’d mentioned before that Wild Turkey is his liquor of choice.

Also, the incident that forced both of them to go into the office that night? A patrol in the remote location broke protocol and went to McDonald’s off post for dinner, using the drive thru. Got an alarm call. Attempted to leave the drive thru, did not realize there was a curb and a dip. I think they broke the fender and damaged the suspension.

[sullustangin]

Not a disaster spy.

Note:  I speak in lawful/neutral/chaotic alignments as seen in D&D.  I’m not getting into good, evil, or neutral, nor “Dark Side” or “Light Side” activities. 

There were more than a few reasons why I commissioned a piece of art that depicted some pretty gnarly scars on Theron Shan (and on my smug, Eva, but you don’t care as much about her, let’s be real). It’s part of a story I’m telling.  It’s part of my headcanon.  Also, it’s my own sort of protest against the habit of writing Theron off as a hot but inept spy.  He’s an impulsive fool despite being intelligent, which is why he ends up in bizarre situations. He always gets hurt because of this (but he’s always magically healed up in time for any smut). 

To be clear: Theron totally has issues due to his early life and an inability to play well with others; you can label him with attachment issues, intimacy issues, whatever keeps him a bit of a lonely character (which he admits).  Personal life -- disaster.  That’s canon, explicit and implicit.

What I object to are his skills and abilities being discounted because of that.  His professional life is far from being a disaster.  Director SIS Marcus Trant brands him as one of the best field agents, and long term, he ends up being operations manager for a covert base for an upstart independent government.

Reasons:

In the book Annihilation, Theron runs around in his boots and briefs trying to destroy the Ascendant Spear.   Hot, funny, and strangely effective.

But why?

Because Jace Malcom and Marcus Trant were ok with sacrificing a few planets of people “for the greater good.”  They let Ruan be attacked.  They planned on letting Duro be attacked, because they wanted the Pub fleet to focus on the Ascendant Spear, the Empire superweapon.  They watched a planet get wrecked and planned on doing it again.  It’s war.  It’s a lawful action, for the greater good.  It complies with society’s expectations -- the Republic leadership’s expectations -- in a time of war. Lawful neutral, probably.  Maybe lawful good if you squint and do the math about the Spear’s potential fatality rate, galaxy wide.

But Theron isn’t a lawful character -- he doesn’t just do stuff because society says it’s ok.  That’s why he goes off and does impulsive stuff because sometimes, society is wrong.  Theron is a neutral, leaning chaotic character -- he mostly follows the law, but also relies on his own intuition and gut feeling about what is right. Neutral characters balance what society says is right and what a person internally thinks is right.   Chaotic characters -- like my oc smuggler -- don’t rely on society’s views at all; it’s all about her gut and moral compass.  Theron at least considers lawfulness and order in his response, which is why he is (mostly) not a chaotic character.  He has his moments, though - no character is pure.  In contrast, Lana is a Lawful character in the context of the Sith Empire.  She does things that her society approves of.  She does like to think of herself as ‘her own woman’, but her behavior patterns are heavily informed by the Sith upbringing and training - she is Lawful but leaning Neutral on occasion due to her own sense of pragmatism.  She does not go by her gut alone. 

(Please remember I’m not addressing good/evil, Light/Dark side in this post.)

That’s why Theron ends up dehydrated with cramped leg and half naked.  He didn’t want people to die "for the greater good” when he personally could stop it.  So he and Gnost Dural fool Darth Karrid into participating at Duro, which means the Republic Fleet has to defend the planet, since its target is the Ascendant Spear.  The only way that happens is that Gnost-Dural is tortured, and Theron has to manually slice into the nearly uninhabitable bowels of the ship.  Hence the whole strip tease by the end of the incident.  

Consequences: 

In the example above, it’s mostly situational embarrassment for Theron, and the Jedi gets tortured. 

In an earlier part of the book, Theron is beaten up to keep his cover and acquire important information (and loses a few teeth in the process) and leaps off a building and probably fractures a few things -- he dislocated a shoulder too.  Still didn’t blow cover, and he is able get off Ziost with Gnost Dural. 

Every SWTOR player knows about Rishi -- it’s easy to argue that Theron doesn’t give up Lana because that could burn his Republic ally.  But if  you’re playing Imp side, what’s stopping him?  Flirting is nothing to this point.  Why not burn all the Imps down?  He could save his own skin, infiltrate the Revanites that way and save the Republic Fleet -- to hell with Darth Marr.

Because it’s not just “ooo rah Republic” informing his choices -it’s not Republic society saying it’s ok and lawful that makes him sit there.  It’s his own moral compass that says it’s wrong to burn Jakarro and the operative, even if Lana did give him up.  So he holds out under torture, even as Revan tries to make his descendant his ally. 

Theron had been in SIS for about 12-13 years by the time we get to Rishi.  We know he’s fallen from high heights and survived worse falls than leaping between buildings on Nar Shaddaa -- survived, not gotten out unscathed. He was a swoop racer for awhile -- that’s a risky hobby.  As an agent, It’s reasonable to assume he’s been shot at with blasters and possibly slugthrowers (if he came across a Mando), stabbed with traditional blades or vibro-blades, got burned if he was in an industrial area or a hot engine room or a chemical lab -- the list goes on.  After Yavin, we know that the one agent possibly more chaotic than he is, Jonas Balkar, ends up giving him a few broken ribs in the name of busting up an implants ring. 

So Theron does have very real consequences for his decisions, in all likelihood.  That’s what I wanted to reflect in the recent commission; although it happens shortly before the torture session on Rishi, it shows the viewer that this is a path he’s been on before, and not by accident. 

Cutting here because boy, did I have a lot to say about what happens AFTER SoR in terms of alignment/characterization.

The KotFE and Beyond: Consistency Issues

Theron registers his approval and disapproval on certain decisions in later xpacs, and he often takes the more benevolent “light side” end of things -- whether that’s based upon his societal expectations or personal moral compass is not as clear.  But he still does disagree with the Commander (one of the more obvious examples being  storming out of the room if there are too many Pub casualties on Corellia when the player is Imp side).  While it remains a touchy topic, the Traitor Arc does reflect his neutral-chaotic tendencies. He goes with his internal moral compass.

Electrocuting the Commander on Iokath was part of Theron gaining the Order of Zildrog’s trust. Theron’s smart enough and probably familiar enough with the Commander’s bio data to know how to make it happen and look bad enough without serious ill-effects. This is part of what he does as a spy, and there’s likely a guide on double agent sabotage somewhere in SIS -- how to look like you’re doing bad stuff without actually doing as bad stuff as requested.  This is also part of what he personally believes to be a better path -- certainly not by Alliance “what to do when bad things happen” book, which was to tell his Commander.   

Does Theron fail at Nathema?  Yes; there is a major loss of war materiel (the Gravestone and the Eternal Fleet).  But what would he have considered more important?  The loss of the fleet or the loss of the Commander and others if the Fleet was unleashed?  The loss of life or the loss of stuff? That’s where Theron’s neutral-chaotic alignment comes in. 

It also does matter how the player views the entire situation -- Theron’s boss also has a say in ‘success,’ which is why Trant matters in judging Theron’s previous actions. At the end of KotET, some people had been miserable that they HAD to either be a ruler or a peacekeeper instead of just getting on their ship and riding off into the sunset for more class-specific adventures. By the end of Nathema, some people were mad about losing the weapons and the power.  Some people were relieved that they weren’t so OP anymore; the writers had written story/character development into a corner, and ending the whole Throne/Fleet thing had to happen. (It’s still not fully out of a corner, in my personal opinion.)  

Theron doesn’t get out of the Traitor Arc completely clean, no matter how many stans we write about it -- the writing is what it is.  He assuredly gains a new scar.  But it is player choice as to the severity of the failure -- and the consequences: Theron can end up married, still in love with the Commander, dumped by the Commander but in the Alliance, exiled, or dead. Those were the consequences for what he believed was the right thing to do -- this was probably his biggest leap into the chaotic alignment in terms of decision making, and this was the most dramatic spectrum of consequences.

As a side bar, the latter xpacs suffer from writing issues; there’s a lack of nuance compared to the vanilla stories and even Hutts and SOR.  Although the writers did promise that characters would leave if there were enough negative actions, only Koth actually left because of something we did; Lana never leaves, and Theron leaves regardless of prior actions -- because he’s doing the  double agent thing. (I thought the opening speech on Umbara was ill-fit for most classes, frankly -- the writing got better as we got closer to Nathema, but there are plotholes that make me fume.)  Lana and Theron never leave because the player makes too many LS or DS decisions. I honestly wish that was a consequence, because not having a consequence for decisions hallows out both characters and makes them lackeys rather than the stronger, distinct characters they were prior to Popsicle Time. Lana never leaves no matter what. Theron ultimately remains gone by player decision, not by his own.  Koth was at least granted that autonomy, for which I respect the writing for Koth. 

Theron Shan is a good spy that accepts consequences.

Theron is good at his job -- the best at his job, around the time of SoR. Because of how Theron approaches the world, he takes risks so others don’t -- so others don’t get tortured, so other planets don’t get blown up.  It doesn’t mean that he’s some inept idiot that fumbles his way toward mission success. He  knowingly suffers for his choices that are a combination of by-the-book training and his instincts. He doesn’t complain about it, even when the player points it out on Rishi.  It is the job.  Spies do really, really strange stuff to keep their covers. He also doesn’t complain as he’s limping around after Nathema, nor does he object if he’s exiled or dumped.  He knows what he did.  He can live with it (if the player lets him). 

Spies that remain alive and get back to their home nations without giving anything important up to the enemy are successful spies.  We see this in pre-SWTOR media.  Rishi is a success for Theron -- although he is exposed, he remains alive and uncooperative.  The temporary Alliance between Marr and Satele gain massive amounts of intel, including Revan’s base on Yavin.  Later, Theron is able to keep the Odessen base functional and secret.  We even get to do some infiltration work on Zakuul -- the Alliance’s spies don’t give anything up while surviving and making it home with gains.  He succeeds overall at Odessen.  He fails at Nathema, though that failure is mostly interpreted by the player in terms of severity. 

Few spies are perfect and survive to become old men.  Even if Theron is killed at the end of Nathema, he did make it further than many; if we consider that Theron was about 37 or 38 at Nathema and he started SIS at 16, that’s upwards of 20 years in the field.  That’s a long lifespan for an active field agent, even in real world estimates. 

For those of us who let Theron live, then he still has potential for more spy escapades, though probably with some serious oversight.  We can leave that to headcanons, since Lana and Theron have taken a step back in prominence since Onslaught.  Theron will never be orderly like Lana; if you favor lawful characters, you will rarely see eye to eye with Theron.  He is not a by the book spy, and even Trant complains about that.  At the same time, the instinct, the skills, and personal conscience is there, which is why Theron is successful all the way up to Nathema -- and depending on the player, arguably still is. 

Personal life -- sure, a disaster. No doubt. But as a spy?  I don’t think disaster is an accurate assessment.