#ALSO I PROBABLY WON'T BE ABLE TO GO TO THERAPY ANYMORE

[liebelesbe]

i don't want to start my job in september, i won't be able to go to the library anymore 😭

[redwidow616]

I'm gonna fucking kill myself

[clrasecretdiary]

omggg ive really wanted to see a fluff fic where the BAU go ice skating as like a team building thing or whatever and Spencer keeps slipping and falling and holding on to the reader its so cute HISJHFSJKD

I'd pick you up and we'd go back in time | Spencer Reid x fem! Reader

just fluff!!

warnings: none

word count: 716 words

a/n: Heey! Just finished this one, it's my first ask (tysm btw!! <3). Hope you guys like it and hope i did justice to what you were imagining for the fic!!

It's the end of December and, surprisingly, you and the team are officially off duty until the next year. You guys decided to go out and have some fun, settling on the idea to go ice skating and then to dinner.

 Much to the dismay of Spencer, which besides being an academic genius, did not have any talent when it came to sports. If it wasn't for the scientific evidence, he would pretty much argue that he was born without the ability to balance himself, so any activity that demanded that skill was his worst nightmare.

"C'mon, spence, I can convince the team to go to your favorite restaurant after!" You said to Spencer over the phone, after he said that he was not going. 

"I don't know… you know I hate sports, I'll probably just fall and annoy you guys" 

"I'll teach you, and you know you won't annoy us. Also, we really miss you." You say, in reality wanting to say "I miss you" but scared that Spencer might pick up on your hidden feelings. 

He reluctantly agreed to go, but he was super nervous about it, scared that he would embarrass himself in front of his friends, or more importantly, in front of you. 

—

It now was the day you and the team had agreed on going ice skating, you put on your cute winter clothes and head out to the rink.

" Hey everyone, missed you guys so much!!" You say, getting close to the group that was standing at the entrance and greeting them all 

"Hi honey, you look stunning" Garcia says pulling you to a hug

"Thank you pen" You say, smiling to her. "Hey spence, i did not actually believe you we're going to come here!" 

"Yeah, me either. But I decided to do some exposure therapy, actually did you guys know that it was idealized by Ivan Pavlov in the late 1800s as part of is conditioning experiments?" - Spencer says, doing his usual rambling that you found extremely adorable. 

"Alright pretty boy, enough lectures, let's get in the rink" Derek says, making the team laugh. 

Upon entering the place, you happily notice that besides you and the team, it was pretty much empty, giving you guys a chance to have fun without worrying about others. You guys all get your skates, and put them on. As soon as you guys step on the ice, you felt a hand holding your arm, you look over and see spencer that looked as if his life was in danger. 

"It's fine spence, try standing up right and walking a bit, I'll be here to hold you so you don't fall down" 

"Alright then, if I die, please make sure my books don't get mold" He says, trying to take a few steps, surprisingly he did not immediately fall down, which gave him a bit of confidence to try and actually skate, also wanting to look tough for you. "I think you don't need to hold me anymore, y/n" 

"You sure Spence? Alright then" You let go of his arm and take a few steps back, still keeping a close eye on him. 

Spencer was able to skate for a bit, but somehow he managed to stumble on his own feet, luckily since you were still close he tried to hold onto your arm, not so luckily, since you did not expect that, you both feel onto the ice. The whole team looked over to you guys, as you stood up and helped spencer to also get up. 

You both we're blushing as the team laughed at you guys

 "hey Reid, at least you fell onto a pretty girl, could be worse" Morgan said, tapping spencer's shoulder and laughing. 

That made you guys blush even harder. 

"Hey spence, you ok? " You say, feeling a bit guilty for making him do this 

"It's fine y/n, falling is part of the fun I guess" He said, not sure he meant it but happy that he got to spend time with you outside the office. 

You spent the next hour teaching Spencer, and honestly you could not be happier, he looked adorable. It was one of the best evenings you had in a long time, and it just made your silly workplace crush worse. You also paid for his favorite desert at the restaurant to thank him for giving it a chance.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for blocking my business partner and our mutual friends?

First of all, I want to establish that I'm not an idiot. I don't think I'm the smartest person in the world, I didn't do very well in school, and I'm generally a bit forgetful. I've been struggling with undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergency for my entire life. My family growing up was very anti therapy and I've only recently brought anything up to a doctor. However, I like to think I manage myself pretty well. I have my own systems for doing things, and they may be unconventional, but it works. I've come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do, I'm going to have to work a lot harder than the average person and get a lot less credit. That's just how it is. I have two jobs, one of which is at a restaurant, and the other is a business that I started with my friend. It's still fairly small and local, but I'm really proud of how far it's come.

Me and my business partner, we'll call her Shelly, have a group of friends that we hang out with from time to time. I honestly don't like them very much, but Shelly, who has been my best friend for over a decade really enjoys hanging out with them, so though I've expressed to her that I want to start seeing them less, I've stayed friends with them, both to make Shelly happy and to avoid any drama that might be caused.

Among this group of friends is someone we'll call Dianne. Dianne will insult and berate me consistently, and then insist it was a joke. Nobody has ever laughed, and I have told Dianne that I don't find any of it funny. The other members of the friend group (aside from Shelly) said that this is just how she expresses that she likes somebody, and tried to make it seem like playful banter, but the insults are incredibly one-sided (I've never said an ill word about her to any of them, and especially not to her. I'm not rude.) and she never insults anyone but me and sometimes Shelly.

Recently ( a couple months or so ago) she started taking digs at my intelligence, as I have been a few minutes late to a couple of our hangouts, and I have trouble with my left and right. I said explicitly that I don't like it when people treat me like an idiot. I tried to be polite, but I won't stand for that. Also, being late and directions are very common things for people to struggle with, so I don't understand why that insinuates that I'm at all unintelligent. She also may have gotten this idea because I don't tend to laugh at her jokes, which are mostly things like "that's what she said" and other cheap and immature sex jokes. She usually tries to brush off the fact that I don't laugh by saying I must be dumb because I don't get her jokes. I do, they're just not very clever and I clearly have a different sense of humor than her.

I just kept trying to avoid any sort of conflict, because the rest of the group makes Shelly really happy. But then it started to get worse. The whole group seemed to be influenced by these jokes, and stopped expecting me to be able to do anything. I wasn't even the designated driver anymore, even though I'm usually the obvious choice because I don't drink. Dianne told me I'd probably crash because she didn't think I could read street signs. I've driven her home multiple times (during none of which she's been sober enough to remember my driving ability) and I've never driven at all irresponsibly while any of them were in the car. The whole group, aside from Shelly, began making jokes about how I was the resident airhead. For my birthday, Dianne got me a toddler sippy cup, and a card that said "Congrats, you're 2!". Get it. Because I'm so stupid I'm basically a child. Ha ha. So funny I forgot to laugh.

The last straw for me was when Shelly sent me a business email that was like "Are you going to be able to get the books done in time?" and basically told me to make sure I wasn't lazy when it came to keeping track of the sales, even though I've never been late with that kind of stuff. I really care about our business, and I keep track of all of the financials and do our taxes. I don't have a degree or anything, I could never afford college, so I emailed Shelly back very passive-agressively about how if she doesn't think I can do it in time, she can hire a real accountant.

We met with the friendgroup the next day and I was incredibly pissed. Dianne made another dig at me, something about our business probably going under because I'm too incompetent to do anything. I snapped. In the midst of yelling at her, I said "I am not stupid. You don't get to treat me like I am." and she said "But aren't you, though?" and I stormed out. I blocked everyone, except for Shelly.

I texted Shelly and said that she could be friends with whoever she wants, but that I'm never speaking to any of them ever again. Shelly said that I was being overdramatic, and that they're all being awkward to her now because they know that we're such good friends. I apologized for putting her in a position where she felt like she was in the middle, but told her that I was not about to take any more of that treatment. I told her I'm disappointed that after all this time, she let other people dictate the way that she sees me. When her new friends call me stupid, I can let it slide off of my back, but when my best friend of over a decade starts treating me like I'm incompetent and I can't get anything done, that really hurts. She told me that I need to learn to take a joke. I blocked her too after that. We've continued having meetings and being mostly civil, but we haven't spoken outside of that, and all the friendship is gone.

I'm mostly concerned about how this situation is going to affect our business, because I have worked so hard and I'd hate to see it fail because of petty drama and insults. I'm now feeling like I made a huge mistake by blowing up. Should I have just kept quiet to protect my job and friendship?

What are these acronyms?

[sometimesiammybpd]

actually okay. i need to say this. writing the longform posts about whoever is actually so difficult for me. i can't remember everything anymore, first off. i genuinely think i subconsciously have the coping mechanism of blocking memories out for trauma-related reasons (NOT osdd), but i'm always afraid when i'm writing those posts. i'm afraid they're somehow going to find it and know i'm writing a post about them and then take it personally like i was trying to attack them and come @ me. i'm afraid i can't get the details right and therefore would be painting a picture differently than what really happened. and honestly, i'm afraid it won't help.

and it doesn't. a lot of the time, it doesn't. i write the post in the hope that i can move on, but it doesn't help. and it breaks me down every single time when i come to the conclusion that i'm pretty much incapable of moving on. and it's more than just that, to be honest. no one understands me. no one understands that i can't help any of this. that no matter how hard i yell and scream at myself and go to endless therapy sessions and whatever magic people think will make things be different this time around doesn't work. and it leads people to cut me off because they think i'm purposely being manipulative. or stuck in the past. or being physically fucking incapable of moving on when all i want in the world is to be able to. it makes me wish i wouldn't wake up every time i realize they're still in my head. or that i'm wishing for an answer i probably can't even handle. or any number of things all the time. literally it's not enjoyable. it's not something i wished to happen. it's not on purpose, intentional, whatever the fuck i've been told i've done over and over in the past.

half the time when i blow up a friendship, i don't even realize i've done anything wrong UNTIL the damage is done; until there's nothing i can do to fix it. yeah, there have been intentional times because a few times i have been more than aware of what i was doing. but even then, i can't stop myself. it's like. once i'm on the path, i can't get off until it ends. even if the end of it is a bridge burning to ashes. i don't want to hurt people. i don't want to make my closest friends hate me or be incapable themselves of dealing with me. but it's also not fair that i can't be friends with a single person who actually understands my side. it's not an excuse at all, but i never get the chance to fix it. i am ridiculously self-destructive but i barely understand what sets me off or what goes on in my head. and that's just not enough for people. because to everyone i've ever met or been friends with with VERY FEW EXCEPTIONS, once the bpd rears its ugly fucking head, it's me being abusive on purpose. or manipulative. or gaslighting them, or lovebombing them, or whatever bullshit i've been told over and over.

it makes me want to die because i feel completely unable to be better. i feel like i am just that bad of a person and the only way for me to stop hurting people is to outright take myself out of the equation, permanently. like. i am so fucking sorry all the time if i hurt you. if i do anything to make you angry at me or unable to stand me. i swear to god i am. but please listen to me and let me calm down. help me instead of cutting me off. please. someone just fucking stay and listen and try to understand what's going through my head in that moment. please for the love of god. i just want to be fucking heard. it just feels like everyone is perfect and i'm just destined to be an abuser. even though i've tried so hard to AVOID ever being attached to that label. i'm just sorry. i'm sorry i wasn't easy to deal with. i'm sorry i got set off and it sent me spiraling. i'm sorry.

i just fucking want someone to listen to me instead of dismissing me and never speaking to me again. why is that such an impossible thing to ask for???

[atalana]

god i wish medical trauma was more recognised as a Thing, especially among people who are frequently the cause of it

like, i've been chronically ill for 9 years. been seeing doctors about it all that time, because if i don't check in at least every three months to make sure the ball is rolling on a 'solution' i don't qualify for disability benefits anymore (and i definitely can't work even really part time)

the last specialist i got sent to to find a solution was not only extremely unhelpful in general, but got frustrated at the fact that they couldn't get an accurate reading of my heart rate bc whenever i'm in a hospital it shoots way up and there's nothing i can do about that (a doctor in the past tried leaving me alone for an hour to 'calm down', did not work)

and currently im nearing the end of a deadline my government caseworker has assigned me to find a therapist, bc while she's slowly coming round on the idea that there is nothing medically to be done at this point (wish my gp would do the same), i still have to be shown to be 'making progress', or they're legally not allowed to continue my payments

and her reason for why therapist is i have started crying at least once in most of our sessions, so clearly i can't be happy

except like. in order for me not to have to pay out of pocket for a therapist, which i definitely can't afford, i have to be able to prove the therapy is medically necessary (ie related to my disability)

and i've also had bad experiences with therapists in the past who when i've said i don't know why i'm here (bc i genuinely didn't, i just knew something was wrong), have responded with "well if you won't work with me i can't help you"

and i'm scared of that happening again bc i don't know if there's anything we can work on, because i know the answer to all of these problems

which is "if you spend nine years having to give complete strangers full access to your body to do whatever they like on a regular basis, plus once a year you have your entire livelihood scrutinised to make sure you 'deserve' the money you need to live, and if you refuse any of that you can't afford rent or groceries, you might find that a little upsetting"

(and even though i could maybe find a therapist specialising in that kind of trauma, i also know enough about human brains to know if there's anything that can be done to heal trauma while the trauma is still happening, i have probably figured it out in the decade i've had to become an expert on this)

but i don't know whose egos i'm going to trample if i can ever find the courage to say that out loud to the people causing these problems, so i can't really afford to take that risk

and it's just like. if you really wanted to solve my 'happiness' the solution is to leave me the fuck alone

[cuppykin]

So my post before I left was vague, let me tell you guys what's up in more detail

This will be very long, and not very pleasant to read, so if you want some news related to how I'm going to post, it'll be here: I probably won't go back to regular posting for a long time and instead just post art/writing here that I think you guys would like to see, but for more details, read below

If you still want to reach me off social media, my Discord username is still Cuppykin. You're free to show me cool stuff you find on the internet in my DMs

I am currently seeking therapy at the moment, and the reason why I can't stay on social media much anymore is because I was at a breaking point, and with the elections coming around in the US, i have a lotta fears

Avoiding my fears by not looking at the internet is impossible, but I'm afraid of a lot of things. And seeing my fear shared by many I thought would be comforting, but instead its stopped me from enjoying anything I do in my day to day without thoughts of something bad happening to me because of the things I love. I'm a queer black artist who draws and writes nsfw content and has verbalized my distaste for the state of the US and the politicians who run it, so you can imagine why I'm scared the way I am

But even then, lately every time I look at social media I just scroll until I see something that upsets me, and then I continue and repeat. And that's extended into other stuff. Looking at things until I see something that upsets me, but it seems I reached a breaking point because when i DO see something thats a sensitive topic for me, I start to break down and cant function. Even as I type this I'm still having bad thoughts, most about things that COULD happen in the future but aren't here now and whether or not I should just end my life before things get too bad.

I've been extremely unhappy. At my worst, I couldn't do anything at all and would just. Sit, and think about dying or something to avoid any current or future problems. It's been so so hard, and I don't know when it's going to get better. I wanna be able to do the things I love again without fear and paranoia stopping me, but it's hard.

But the good news is I'm trying. I don't want to be like this for long, and that starts by actually taking steps to improve.

I'm so sorry that this came out of nowhere. I thought I could handle it, but at this current moment I'm at an all time low and I'm trying desperately to find hope in my life for a bright future. Not just for myself, but for most people on this rock we call Earth. I just want to be happy and healthy, and have the people i love AND the people I hate also be happy and healthy. I'm just very tired, and can only hope for better times

[t00tsmcgee]

Time for a little rant

You ever realize what a void of energy a person can be in your life?

I recently broke up with my long distance boyfriend of 3,5 years and it's become so very clear to me in the recent weeks that he was taking so much energy from me and giving nothing in return

He has his own mental problems and I won't expand on that here but those problems did mean he was never able to give what i needed to feel like the relationship was equal and really it's my fault for staying as long as i did

I thought he'd work on himself, strive to get better, we even talked about it but he flat out refused to get therapy and when i suggested to change his meds (because they clearly weren't working for him) he also displayed reluctance. I should have broken up with him then and there, but i stuck around for a few more months because he got sick and i felt bad.

After his sickness he fell even deeper into a depression and just stopped communicating, stopped talking to me altogether and ignored me for several weeks at a time, using the excuse that he just had no energy and was tired/zoning out.

He'd call me on discord (when he had a good day once every three weeks maybe) and we'd spend a little time together talking before he'd inevitably bring up how horny my voice/laugh/jokes made him which made me feel so incredibly used and claustrophobic, worrying about when he'd call me next and have those expectations of me again (i never indulged in it because it made me so uncomfortable but rejecting it made him go into this spiral of self hatred so that was hella uncomfortable too)

Meanwhile he plays DND with his regular group twice a week, is on voice call with them for hours during and after but he can't spare 20 minutes to ask his girlfriend how her day (or even week) was because it costs him too much energy? I was supportive of him whenever we spoke, told him to talk to me, tried to help him, but he was just a wall and i couldn't do it anymore.

It just became too hard to swallow after a while. And now he's probably blocked me or something because after our breakup texts (we didn't fight or anything we just amicably agreed that this was the best move right now) i sent a couple of messages asking how he is but have received no reply whatsoever and it just really makes me feel awful, like it all meant nothing in the end.

So much for always wanting to be friends (his words not mine) but I guess now at least I can just focus on me and the friends that do actually give a shit about me

[edai-crplpnk]

Some Team 8 + Sand Sibs chara sheets

I procrastinated writing yesterday by doing little chara sheets for my polycule AU.

Kiba and Shino have been dating since they were teens. Shino and Hinata have been dating since college. Kankurou and Kiba start dating at 22/25 (I am writing this fic). Hinata and Kankurou may or may not have some queerplatonic relationship going on eventually.

I used this picrew for the sheets!

Additional facts!

Kiba:

Inuzuka Kiba isn't his legal name, he is still officially registered under his deadname and his father's family name. He might change it once his father's dead, probably not before that since he doesn't want him to know about it. The rest of the polycule handle most of his mail so he doesn't have to deal with it unless necessary.

He is Japanese through his father and Filipino through Tsume.

Hana is his half-sister (different father).

He transitioned in his late teens and has been on T + post-top surgery for some years now.

He got a hysterectomy for endometriosis.

He doesn't smoke much anymore, mostly vapes, which allows him to control CBD/THC levels and ratio better.

Kankurou:

He doesn't identify as trans, but might identify as non-binary somewhere along the way. He's fine with being seen as a man and conveniently goes by he/him, but is honestly a bit too psychotic and dissociated to really have an opinion about his gender and gendered body.

He is Jewish through his mother, but was raised by Baki (here, Rasa's half-brother) so most of his relationship with Judaism and Jewishness is self-taught reconnection.

He had only one brief relationship before Kiba and had sort of settled for the idea of not trying to look for partners (both romantically and sexually) because it was a lot of work and socialisation and it didn't feel all that too important for him, but hey, shit happens. (Kiba happens, and it's good shit.)

He gets a colectomy and stoma bag for his ulcerative colitis around 25 (again, the KankuKiba fic is about that). He probably won't try to get a reversal surgery in the future because he hates surgeries and hospitals.

Shino:

He mostly uses Makaton and text-to-speech as AAC. The former is easier for short indications and requests in daily life, and the latter for more complex conversations.

He gets on opioid replacement therapy sometime during his teens, although still injects occasionally as an adult.

He was initially assigned male at birth, and then reassigned female during his childhood, which he (very understandably) did not live well. Shibi defended his right to choose his gender presentation and refuse further intersex surgeries after that, and he's been mostly living as a boy/man since then. He half identifies as a cis man, half not because dissociation and plurality and trauma make gender complicated but he's sort of working through it. He'd still consider his relationship with Hinata straight, and his relationship with Kiba gay.

His parents broke up when he was a kid (in part over the decisions made about him) and Shibi raised him for the most part. He sometimes sees his mother as an adult, but they're relationship is not very good.

Hinata:

It's been a bit of a struggle to slowly acclimate Hiashi to her being part of a polyamorous relationship, but he does like Shino a lot, so that helped. (He doesn't have an excellent opinion of Kiba but they also mostly never see each other and they're happy with that.)

She has a fairly ok relationship with her family now, but being able to move out and live in group with way less hierarchy and a whole lot more community support has been very healing and helping with having more resources to maintain her relationship with her family too.

Kankurou does all her phone calls (as that of about everyone in the polycule, to be honest).

And the sibs!

Gaara:

He's had a lot of autism-related struggles as a child/teen, but functions much better as an adult now that he understands his needs better and has accommodated his daily life to them. He works as a landscaper but has a lot of at-home work hours.

Lee is his first relationship (I also have a fic about that) and he does think he's gay? But also never has thought about neither his orientation nor the idea of dating and who he would want to date much before that, so he's not sure. He's going with that for now.

He waxes his eyebrows because he compulsively plucks them otherwise. Dying his hair also helps with trying not to pluck them.

He was mostly raised by Yashamaru, who is Jewish and raised him Jewish, but has a bit of a complicated relationship with that because there was a lot of projection on Yashamaru's end, and difficulty to see him as his own person and not just his late sister's baby. He's not religious although he sort of still observant out of habit. (Ex: he doesn't necessarily care about eating kosher, but it's also the food he's used to make and eat, so he will still go for that most of the time.)

Temari (in pyjamas mode in this picture because I didn't have something less casual that fitted her style in the picrew):

She works as a diplomat and is very much a workaholic. The trauma is strong but the grind is stronger.

Just like Kankurou, she was raised by Baki and her connection to Jewishness and Judaism are mostly self-taught. She is a bit less observant than Kankurou.

She has chronic pain that she probably ignores a bit too much, but who can really stop her. (Kankurou should try and probably does.) Compression stockings enthusiast.

She has a motorcycle that Kankurou is very afraid to ride. (Gaara is okay.)

I'll probably do more in this AU later!

[that-wildwolf]

Which one-shot/completed fic are you most proud of?

Which WIP do you regret starting, if any?

Which WIP do you think you'll finish next?

Who's your OC blorbo? Tell me about them

What's your favourite line you've ever written?

Which one-shot/completed fic are you most proud of? Gah. What a difficult question. I love all my children equally. Just kidding, it's somewhere far from goodbye. I love the way I write Saren's POV.

Which WIP do you regret starting, if any? the fucking fallout 4 rewrite longfic. it will be the death of me please i started in 2018 and it's still going it's at 340k now what the fuck fuck fuck fuck i hate it so much right now. oh i guess this means i don't actually love all my children

Which WIP do you think you'll finish next? It's a three-way tie between the omega blood puddle fic, the garrus smut, and the therapy fic, all of them require maybe 2K at this point and I jump between working on them.

Who's your OC blorbo? Tell me about them

MARTAAAAA... god i love marta. my little bridge builder. she's like everything to me and she was supposed to be this like vessel for the narrative, she wasn't supposed to be a character but wahhh i love her so much. gah. this woman was getting her medical degree while humanity was making real life first contact with actual aliens??? and then she??? chose to specialise in treating those aliens???? because she wanted to help heal the wound left by that war????? and she's polish and bisexual and canonically has a non-binary child and she's everything to me i love her so much. she can't function without coffee. she hates shepard. she gets emotionally invested in her patients' recovery. she cares so so much. fuck. i love my oc..... 😭

What's your favourite line you've ever written?

i love all my children......

what is a "line". what is "pick one". i do not know these concepts.

Saren slowly realises that the very same purr is also coming from his own larynx, that he's unconsciously tuned in to Nihlus's timbre and matched it perfectly. He thought he wasn't able to do that anymore. He thought that the soft melody of affection that other turians shared was gone in him, replaced by white noise and static. And yet here it is, vibrating in the heavy summer air between them. - [x]

It's terrifying — she knows his body by heart. She knows every tiniest scar and dent, she knows every inch of him like the back of her hand. She's touched and hugged and kissed just about every spot on his body, but right now, suddenly, he feels alien to her. She has no idea what she's looking at. The same Garrus she knows and loves is all of a sudden a completely unknown expanse. - [x]

He's been going through life like a ghost, haunting the empty shell of the person he used to be. - [not posted yet]

Their peace was built by Garrus strengthening their home against any possible intruders that probably won't come, and by Shepard keeping guns hidden in strategical places in the improbable case they need to defend themselves. It was built by two people who don't know how else to feel safe than by amassing weaponry slowly learning they don't need it anymore. - [x]

He's immediately by her side — he didn't even notice the moment his legs moved to run to her. It's an instinct. He's always run to her. Whether it had been running to catch up with her or running by her side, he'd always made his way towards her, ever since he'd first met her. Running to her is the only thing he knows. No matter how badly hurt, how terribly broken, he will always run to her. - [x]

Like the strong gravitational pull that causes planets to orbit around a star, there's always been some invisible force drawing Shepard to the Reapers. - [not posted yet]

Honestly, there were barely enough pieces between the two of them to make one whole person, but here they were. Two people desperately holding on to each other in the swirling tempest of this war around them, both putting on a charade before the world to pretend they didn't need help. - [x]

Shepard was still amazed by that. Not that Garrus was gentle — that anyone was. That there was still some softness in this world, in her life. Despite everything, despite all the death and all the pain and all the rage... Even someone who had more blood on her hands than anyone could find a respite. Even she managed to find a gentle touch. - [x]

honourable mention for the "I love you" in Edge of Yesterday, because I would need to quote the whole chapter leading up to it for it to hit.

[eddsworld-nonsense]

Very random thought of an ask, but what would make the best present for each of them? (Can be main or all I lorve them)

Will probably draw some of these out later, but here is the list and explaination:

Edd: Literally Anything

• He is somehow astonished by even the dumbest of gifts, he still gets sparkles in his eyes when Ringo brings him dead mice

• He is also big on the "its the thought that counts" mindset, so even if he doesn't like it he will still be grateful just to receive a gift

• Wow hopefully this doesnt stem from childhood trauma

Tom: Handmade Gifts

• While he tends to ASK for things like music supplies and booze, anytime he gets something handmade his heart just melts

• The thought of someone putting in any amount of dedication to a present makes it something he cherishes forever

• It also reminds him of his childhood, when him and Jon would make each other goofy little gifts when things got rough

Matt: A Painting of Himself

• Yes, he still has a massive ego and would love a giant picture of himself

• But he likes getting paintings because it 1) shows how that person sees him and 2) it lets him see himself again since mirrors don't work anymore

• I imagine he has a wall of his room dedicated to paintings of himself, occasionally swapping them out with newer ones (He still saves the older ones dw)

Tord: A Hug

• "Ew cringe wtf do you mean a hug for Tord, he is an asshole and--" SHUT UP AND LET ME COOK

• Anything you could give Tord, they could ignore. They are so heavily convinced they are horrible that most items will be assumed to be some sort of threat/bribe/danger.

• The one thing that they can't chalk up to lying is physical affection, so hugs are the best way for them to actually realize "this person wants me to feel good"

Eduardo: Costumes for His Dog

• Eduardo doesn't really like gifts, he appreciates the thought but he isn't really attached to any of his items

• But, he always gets a kick out of dressing Doguardo up in silly little outfits

• He goes from total jerk to total softie if he sees the dog in a goofy ass sweafer

Mark: A Spa Day

• Mark hasn't been able to take care of himself as much as he wants to, mainly due to work and depression

• So being able to take a day just to focus on himself, with everything he could worry about being covered

• He would like, probably smile at you and that is big for him

Jon: A Companion of Some Kind

• Jon gets pretty lonely with Mark and Eduardo working most of the week

• He doesn't want to get a pet because of his fear of hurting them on accident (he already worries a lot over Doguardo)

• So either a pet he 100% couldn't hurt or something that could keep him company when alone

Laurel: Pot

• She is a simple women with simple wants

• She would 100% want to get high and watch adult swim

• Either that or just give her money

Fawn: Therapy

• She insists that she wants Tom, she just needs to talk to a professional

• She should also probably go to jail because girl has committed crimes

• She would be fine if she actually got help, but instead she just stalks a stranger

Margo: A Ticket Out of Here

• Margo wouldn't need to kill his doppelganger if he didn't live in the same town

• He isn't supposed to leave, Bing won't let him, but if he could book it without being found he would

• He just wants to live a normal life without the looming guilt of Tord

Mim: Nothing

• They wouldn't understand anything you try to give them/do

• You would need to explain any gift given

• Idk they would probably like stuffed animals once they understand them

[literaticat]

my debut sold decently and many readers consider it one of their favorites of all time — the dream! but my second book is out now, and whether it's the curse of the sophomore slump or that expectations for it were too high, readers aren't connecting with it in the same way. even avoiding reading reviews, I keep getting reminded that people aren't enjoying it and that it isn't selling well. now I'm starting to get in my head about it as I work on my next books. second-guessing myself on everything from premise to POV and tense, wondering if I'm about to doom myself to a steady decline in my career with every choice. what would you tell a client going through this?

Congratulations on the books!

I really hope you are cultivating good, smart, non-drama-stirring writer friends who you can be real with, because I'm certain that MANY people have had "slumps" and may have useful strategies for getting out of your own head and shutting down that pesky inner saboteur.

(I'd also urge you to consider trying therapy if you can. It really might help to be able to open up to somebody who is outside the publishing world and has no bias. Talking out your fears and issues might help you conquer them before they get bigger!)

I haven't really had a client come to me with this kind of woe, probably for some of the same reasons you haven't gone to your own agent with it and are instead asking some random on the internet! But if I did, I'd probably try to give them some perspective. "Sophomore Slump" is a thing that happens to lots of people (that's why it has a name!) -- but I'm not sure that it's REALLY real, or that it really matters, in the long term. It seems like a big deal because you only have the two books -- your debut, that had so much build-up in your own mind, was SUCH a big deal for you, then did well, so your expectation of "normal" was set very high -- and then the next one. Which, compared to the first one, wasn't as big a deal, wasn't as exciting, was received differently, etc. Of COURSE that's somewhat deflating.

The thing is, careers are long. If you plan to keep being a writer, like, as your main thing, you'll probably have LOTS of books. Some will likely succeed beyond your expectations -- some will probably be forgotten. That's... pretty normal. (Even 'hitmakers' like Stephen King have some duds in the mix!) But even if every single fan of the first book is like "meh" to the second one, I'll BET that there are people who love the second one and don't care about the first one or haven't even read it. It's a different book! Not every book is for every reader -- and that's OK! (I'll bet for some readers, that Stephen King Dud is their FAVE!) When you have more books, you'll realize that every book has its own journey, and the ups-and-downs that are natural parts of that journey won't loom quite so large in your brain.

You can't really control how readers receive your work or how it is reviewed. Once it's published, it doesn't belong to you anymore -- you gave in roots by writing it, you gave it wings by publishing it, and now it's OUT THERE doing its own thing in the world, and you have to let go.

What you CAN control is writing books that YOU are excited about and proud of. So that's your goal.

(And if anyone has practical advice for stopping-overthinking / getting out of your head -- please do put it in the comments!)

[cosmicjoke]

So what do you think Levi’s recovery during the three years have been like? I’ve always thought about this esp since Marley would probably been a bit iffy about tending to him straight away, and the fact he had internal bleeding, crushed leg, other burns (poor thing) + not to mention that he was pushing his body beyond his limit. Its pretty obvious that he needed medical attention asap

Man, I think it must have been pretty intense, and a very long recovery at that. Months, maybe even years for him to recover as much as he was able, and certainly, he won't ever be the same physically again. You don't go through that kind of physical trauma and ever fully recover. Don't forget Levi's blind in his right eye now as well, which probably really messed with his depth perception and his ability to gauge accurately what distance things are at and where they are spatially in relation to himself. A lot of physical therapy involved, probably having to learn to really walk again, having to learn to get around missing his index and middle fingers on his right hand, and clearly, since we see him needing a wheelchair, I imagine he's probably got a pretty severe limp when he does walk. I think the wheelchair is because he likely can't walk long distances anymore. Levi took a brutal, brutal beating. He probably experiences a good amount of physical pain still too.

Given the Marely' soldiers initial hostility at the end toward the Eldian's, yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if they were reluctant and less than professional in giving Levi the medical care he needed. Though I imagine he must have gotten it eventually. Onyankopon and the others wouldn't have allowed Levi to be mistreated, I'm sure. But it was probably a struggle to get him the care he needed. I also imagine Levi probably needed to be hospitalized for a long time. Probably several weeks. He was dealing with serious, internal injuries. Internal bleeding is always really scary. I wouldn't be surprised if he had ruptured organs. I also imagine his leg was likely broken, meaning broken bones, on top of severe lacerations and puncture wounds, all of which had the potential to become infected. That on top of the wounds he suffered from the thunderspear explosion, which also had the potential to become infected. Given how Levi was running around in the battle, with debris and blood and dirt flying all around him, I wouldn't be surprised if his wounds did become infected at one point, which would have complicated his recovery all the more. Suffice it to say, Levi's recovery must have been brutal, and likely something he won't ever be completely done with. Like I said, he won't be the same physically again.

That reality is part of what makes how we see him at the end so astounding. He's still out there, helping others, not succumbing to self-pity or resentment, when he himself has personally lost so much, including the function of his body. He's an incredible human being. An example of what we should all strive to be.

[ciciciron]

Random Gen 4 Character Hcs cuz I'm Too Sick to Write Anything Good

Ya boy's got strep, gonna do every Gym Leader and the E4, some characters will have more cuz I'm autism but I'll write something for everyone

Roark;

He's the second youngest Gym Leader, like, 18 - 22 at most

That doesn't mean he's inexperienced, no, it's honestly based upon the timeline of whatever I'm writing but I think he's been a Gym Leader for a good few years

I get the vibe that he's just like really nice, like just a good, reliable dude who needs a break and is fortunately likable enough to escape his father's shadow

Gardenia;

She's afraid of like everything, beyond just ghosts, my girl is a coward

She's pretty close with every other Gym Leader because of this, got em all on speed dial to come get the Spinarak out of her house and all that

Such a cringe fail lesbian

Honestly I see her as such a Kobeni (csm) type character, she knows what you are

Maylene;

Girl is 9 get her out of here

My reasoning for that age is because in pokespe it's mentioned that she's younger than Platinum, who is like 12

She's not weak but like someone help this poor girl she don't know what's going on

Crasher Wake;

Bros like, really good with kids, great at entertaining them, they just think he's cool af

He's not very helpful but he definitely tries, like if you cried he would recommend petting Quagsire, which would probably help tbh

He just gives the vibe like he's the type of guy you'd call uncle your whole life only to learn later on he's just a friend of your dads and not at all related to you

Fantina;

She isn't actually French- I know, who would willingly act French? She would, her real name is Heather because I came up with all of this when I was going through my musical theatre phase

She's Jupiter's older sister, naturally they don't talk much anymore

She isn't very lucky when it comes to love, swears after the end of every bad relationship that she's going to give up and become a nun, she is not religious nor does she ever stick to her word

Byron;

Sometimes he just forgets he's a dad, not like- forgets who Roark is, just that if he got called to come bail him out of jail he'd be confused why he was the one getting the call

Himbo energy, not a thought behind those eyes

Wildly irresponsible but on accident

Candice;

Girl's an influencer, she's the only one of them who knows how to properly work Tiktok, she will send you Tiktoks that remind her of you and you WILL receive those links through Instagram DMs because she forgot to save your phone number or just doesn't have it

Adding onto that- she will post fit checks regardless of what is happening in the background, she doesn't care that that man is drowning, this ain't about him

She is really good at remembering things about her coworkers though, she's in charge of every birthday party, if you forget your birthday don't worry she remembered and she is in your house don't ask how she got in

Volkner;

I don't care if he's canonically just some skinny twink he's big to ME. Like- 6'4", at least 200 pounds, guy is just huge and bulky and built like a brick wall, tons of practical strength because,,,

This is more about his Luxray but his name is Oscar and he's massive, think an Alpha Luxray in Legends Arceus, that cat is huge, Volkner is only even slightly strong just to be able to lift him off of his bed at night when he's trying to sleep

Wildly irresponsible but on purpose, he thinks it's funny to endanger himself, no he won't seek help he doesn't believe in therapy because he wasn't properly helped when he was younger

He does care about Sunyshore though, spent a week fixing that black out that stopped you from visiting the city at first in DPPT, he claims it's Team Galactic's fault but like no one believes him

Sorry to give Volkner 5 I mean what to expect from the guy who named himself Volkner but he's related to like every Electric Type Gym Leader and also whoever I see fit. It's a very large family. He makes frequent trips to Unova to visit his only respected similarly aged cousin Elesa so they can trash talk their not respected similarly aged cousin Colress (Long story). Also yes I do believe Palmer is his dad and Barry is his younger brother and I'm deciding today that they all have a good relationship. (Also I want to elaborate on this all so much like smh I didn't even bring up the Shinx based ceremony but that's gonna have to be a different post)

I don't have biases what are you talking about anyways E4 time.

Aaron;

He may or may not be distantly related to this fellow green hair and prong having man named Ghetsis but that's more lore to unpack on my end and I don't want to explain my real life friendships that make Ghetsis relevant here.

He can't be in the same room with Gardenia for too long because she gets freaked out just knowing Vespiquen is there, they have to be cycled out intermittently at every League meeting

He's been in the E4 the 3rd longest despite the fact he's only slightly older than Flint and Lucian, everyone who doubts Bug Types is amazed

Bertha;

She's been here before Cynthia was Champion and was actually the Champion before the guy who came before Cynthia, there's no getting rid of her

The hair makes it obvious but she's related to Agatha of the Kanto Elite Four, sometimes they meet for tea and to trash talk every challenger they've faced as well as their coworkers

She's excellent at comforting people without even realizing what she said half the time, you'll thank her for the advice and she'll accept that without knowing what she told you to do, she was completely out of it

Flint;

He was the Oreburgh Gym Leader before Roark, however many years before depends on the timeline, but he was second choice to join after Volkner declined for reasons I don't actually have outside of my main au

He acts exactly like one of those straight boys pretending to be gay to make fun of gay people expect it isn't acting and everyone can tell aside from him (i.e. jokingly being incredibly affectionate with Volkner)

He's probably the most reliable friend one could have and is like always ready to throw hands, he has too much energy and just wants to punch someone in the face, please ask him to punch someone in the face he will happily do it he's begging you

Lucian;

Guys a fucking ass, like, he's just very rude. That's not because I hate him he just seems kind of stuck up. (I'm mad that he tells me about how much he reads whenever I talk to him in Pokemas because I can't read large paragraphs without my vision blurring and it feels like he's bragging, and also a specific decision I made for my general lore)

He's genuinely psychic, like, telekinesis style, it comes in handy at sorting books and throwing things at people because that guy ain't got an arm on him to save his life

I think that psychic power could be totally nullified by putting a hat on him. Battle tactic.

Cynthia;

Her father was Champion before her, she's a nepobaby, she would get upset if you called her that though because she worked real hard for her position and is tired of people devaluing her

Her slug is named Sharon and she hates men, specifically blonde ones. If you are near that Gastrodon as a blonde man you are about to be hydropumped. You can't out run Sharon don't even think about it just accept your fate.

Meanwhile her Garchomp is named Joan and she's just a large scaley puppy.

She definitely needs glasses but she's very stubborn

She also can't drive. Don't let her do it. She is going to hit another mythical Pokemon.

Cynthia is also incredibly shocked whenever she learns someone doesn't care about history as much as her. She's just like- in awe, she forgot people could have other interests and it's throwing her for a loop, she'll just kind of stand there with her mouth agape until you speak again and even then she'll never look at you the same again

Okay that's...everyone for today, I would do Team Galactic but at that point I'd feel like I have to write something for every single character in the game and I'm neglecting my homework too hard for that.

[nateoldrin]

2nd wave disabilities

i really wanted to talk about the 2nd Wave (minus chris) and their disabilities and how they handle life, so i'm using old art to show them to talk about it. discussion of trauma/disability ahead!

from left to right: Arthur - Tristan/Matthew - Chris - Isolde, and Caelia in the back. all of them (incl Chris) have C-PTSD which has manifested in various degrees of disability for all of them. Chris's are explored in the books so i won't talk about them, but i wanted to talk about the others! (who are, yes, alive, but they don't appear in the series)

(i have C-PTSD & autism which developed a myriad of other issues, so the 2nd wave are kind of different aspects of those + the inability to work etc)

--

they live together - Isolde in her own room, art and Caelia in another, and Tristan sleeps on the couch or in a room w Isolde depending on his mood. they don't need to pay rent due to all of them being diagnosed and certified as disabled so they live in provided housing - they could probably live in separate apartments, but they didn't want to! 

Isolde is the de facto leader of the group, shes the most socially acceptable; she has to do all adult things esp re: communication bc the rest are different levels of Socially Strange and Nonfunctional. shes the typical strong older sister type who takes on every burden.

Tristan can simulate normal behavior for a short time, but after a few hours it starts to crack and he becomes very offputting to people bc he starts infodumping about Chris / historical tragedies / serial killers (esp angels of death) in DETAIL. he also has some other issues i won't get into in detail, but erotomania is one of them.

Arthur is very withdrawn and has selective mutism so he just doesn't talk and looks blank most of the time (he feels emotions ofc, just doesn't have much expressions). everyone pooled their money together and bought him one of those text to speech tablets so he can talk.

Caelia is sweet but she's always a little out of it/dreamy, and she can't follow conversation well.

only Isolde is able to work a "normal" job to help bills, but Arthur sells crafts and Tristan maybe works smth where he doesn't have to talk to people much, like a warehouse. Caelia cant work but she goes to the park often to look at the duckies, and she helps Arthur!

Isolde managed to get them into therapy, but it's only art and caelia, Tristan cant be dragged - he refuses always despite the fact he OBVIOUSLY needs it. she's given up fighting him about it for a while. they're all the same age and have gone through the same traumas after all, so she can do appointments, she can talk to them about their issues, but there comes a point she cant do anymore and Tristan is a bit beyond her/shes tired of him.

it sounds like he really doesn't care about his team which isn't true ): his mind is very shattered but he's usually mostly lucid. Matthew helps Arthur with his crafts by going shopping for materials, he entertains Caelia's fairy tales and listens to her talk for hours, he helps around the house with chores, and he can do a little bit of manual labor so he does that to help with bills. the issue with him is that he is lucid and stable but only in the environment he knows, so at home and at work he's fine and appears really okay  (at work only for like 6hrs a day with minimal interaction), it's when he interacts with people outside his circle that it becomes obvious he's not okay. 

they get better after some events, but this is the "default". i guess i just... wanted to showcase how disabling mental illnesses are - they will never be at a point where they can "act normal" or "be productive in society" and that's okay!! they'll be okay. they're a family, and they love each other, even when Caelia is afraid of Tristan hurting himself, even when Isolde is tired and has to have her meltdowns at work so the others don't get scared, even when Arthur accidentally insults one of them. they'll be okay.

[vickyzzsummervan]

sorta why I ship kyman ig… (told from Kyles POV)

So this is how our relationship came to be…so many people would assume that we would never, in any universe, be able to feel something strong towards each other that wasn't hatred, but alas…

Everyone knows Eric has always had some sort of strange obsession with me, it being a very unhealthy obsession due to his long list of mental illnesses, but what was often overlooked was my mutual obsession I had for him. I would deny it for so long, but if you paid close attention it was very noticeable. I could not live without him in my life. Whenever the group tried to get rid of him I would interfere with some dumb excuse as to why we needed him. And when he ever did leave our group I would feel as if a huge part of me was missing, resulting in me doing whatever I could to get him back. Everything just felt wrong without him. If Eric wasn't his normal self, then was anything really normal?

That's just some of the basics about my obsession with him, I won't go into any more detail because it's honestly kind of embarrassing and there's still a lot more of this story to tell.

So in 6th grade Eric finally got therapy(court mandatory due to a very long and stressful situation that I don't want to get into). He was given a lot of diagnoses and he was medicated. He was still very evil and shit(you know what I mean), but I honestly wasn't expecting him to change at all because it's ERIC CARTMAN for goodness sake! But he proved me wrong. At first the changes were small, not even noticeable really, but eventually he grew into a somewhat stable person. He and I became friends during all of this. He stopped being so cruel to me and even stopped with all the name calling(he still uses "Jew" sometimes, but now it's more of a pet name rather than an insult). One night when we were playing video games at his house he suddenly apologized for everything he had ever done to me. It was a really long, tearful apology that he clearly really meant. I won't say too much because he'd probably kill me if he ever found out I spoke about it, but I could tell he truly meant every word he said and that he had actually changed for the better. We got closer and feelings started developing. We weren't fighting anymore(it is only bickering and some arguments now) and our overall relationship was becoming a lot less toxic.

At the end of seventh grade he confessed his feelings to me. I was shocked, not even knowing he was gay, but I was also extremely happy and we've been dating ever since.

Obviously some things were left out, but these were just some of the major details.

:)